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kmgkmg · 10 months

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PUPPY LOVE - LEE SEOKMIN

word count: 1.9k...

pairing: seokmin x gn!reader

synopsis: dogwalker seokmin's fateful day with you :)

genre/s: fluff, non-idol!au, aspiring photographer!seokmin, strangers-to-lovers, meet-cute

warnings: none!

rating: pg

a/n: tysm @the-boy-meets-evil for being the beta reader for this fic! <3 title is deriven from the song puppy love by erika de casier...but rly i thought abt this fic when listening to kitipun by juan luis guerra...anyways, enjoy!

Seokmin majorly needed a part-time job. And the use of majorly is not an understatement. He knew city-living wasn’t going to be as glamorous as the movies or dramas. Still, he didn’t think he’d be drowning in bills less than half a year after moving.

After silently struggling for a while, Mingyu could notice the tiredness growing on his roommate’s face. Trying to be as subtle as possible, he showed him an app to be a dog walker.

“Rover? Like that Kai song?” Seokmin’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. This was Mingyu’s genius idea for a part-time job?

“I-no, it’s a dog walking app.” Mingyu explains, showing his best friend how the app worked further.

After Mingyu elaborated by saying he used the app for a summer a couple years back when he was job searching, Seokmin obviously jumped at the chance to be one. What could be better than taking care of cute dogs while getting paid? He also could cancel his gym membership and cut out that expense since all the walking was a hefty amount of exercise.

It was all going well for the first couple of weeks, he had gained a few regular clients and learned the best routes for each dog to see more greenery such as parks. He even found a cute coffee shop that gave out dog treats that all the dogs seemed to love! There was also a certain cute barista that was his type causing him to frequent the establishment even more. Not to mention, the pay wasn’t bad. Well, it wasn’t like it was $25 an hour, but at least it was enough to help lift the weight that the burden of bills had accumulated on his shoulders.

So within the past few weeks, Seokmin has become a regular to your shop.

You didn’t pay much attention to him, but your employees always swooned over him. You understood why, he always livened up the place with his bright energy and infectious smile. Minghao, the co-owner of Diamond Blend, always teased that he was only visiting so much to see you. His teasing was always met with your rebuttals by pointing out he took good advantage of the free dog treats jar whenever he came in.

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he only looks at your reactions whenever he delivers his cheesy puns, Y/N,” Minghao nudges you with his shoulder as Seokmin walks out of the shop.

“It just so happens that I’m always closest to the treat jar whenever he makes small talk,” you shrug.

You did enjoy his visits, but you would never willingly admit that to your smug best friend. You enjoyed the way that your interactions with him were limited to the coffee shop. It was as if it was your own little world.

That is, until one fateful day when it started raining as Seokmin was mid-walk with his most difficult pet to watch, Sprinkles. Seokmin thought he could stop in the coffee shop for shelter with Sprinkles since she was a panting and stressed mess, but Sprinkles had other plans. The moment they rounded the corner for the coffee shop, she must’ve noticed she was nearly home and bolted in that direction. Seokmin expected her to run in the direction of where her favorite treats were, not try to book it to her home nearly 0.5 mile/0.8 kilometer away. So, there Seokmin was. Running after a dog with no umbrella as the rain only picked up by the minute.

You were bringing in the chalkboard sign stand that usually featured the specials of the day. The rain had washed away nearly everything anyway.

Still, seeing a worried Seokmin zoom past you was certainly a sight bizarre enough to wake you up.

“Seokmin?” You shout out, trying to make sure he is okay.

He turned to you, only to frantically point ahead of him. “Sp…rinkles…” He manages to explain while running in that direction once again.

You squint your eyes to see a rapidly disappearing blob that you discerned to be one of his dogs. Your feet moved without thinking and before you knew it you were full out sprinting after the dog with him. Who knew that being on the track and field team in high school would help you now?

You sped past him with ease, quickly catching up to who you could now tell was Sprinkles. She had managed to get herself distracted by a squirrel climbing a tree and was stuck barking at it, her attempts to claw her way up were fruitless.

“Sprinkles~” You called out with the sweetest baby voice you could achieve, having her turn towards you and start wagging her tail seeing your familiar face.

Seokmin was still staggering considerably behind the two of you, but Sprinkles happily walked into your arms as you crouched down near her.

“Were you a track star? I swear I saw you fly, Y/N.” Seokmin barely gets out, still trying to catch his breath after the unexpected chase.

“I actually was in track and field, yeah,” You laugh, holding the peaceful Sprinkles.

Seokmin put his hands on his knees, doubling over. “Thanks a million! I owe you for real.”

“No, don’t worry about it! I’m just glad we caught Sprinkles before anything bad happened,” You reply.

Seokmin’s ears perk up, “How do you know Sprinkles’ name?”

“Well, you do visit our coffee shop like half of the days in a week…it would be strange for me to not remember details about a regular like you,” You seamlessly reason.

“Ah, I see. I’m just another regular,” His disappointed tone was obvious to anyone.

“No!” Your quick response startles yourself, “I really enjoy you visiting our shop. I just didn't think it was the most professional thing to say.”

“Well, we are out of the shop right now…you don’t have to be professional outside do you?”

You contemplated for a while more before responding to him, “I guess not.”

“Then, I have the perfect way to pay you back! How about I buy you dinner?”

His flirting skills left you speechless. You felt as breathless as he was trying to chase after Sprinkles.

“Sure,” You grin, trying your best to play it cool like him.

“Great! I should walk Sprinkles home after her eventful day, but I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow with Kkuma,” you wave, going your separate ways.

You walked back to Diamond Blend, absolutely drenched. Nevertheless, you had the biggest smile on your face that was impossible to conceal.

When you opened the door, Minghao was behind the counter, smug as ever. His expression was practically screaming told you so.

You dismissed his triumphant expression quickly, “I just helped him catch one of the dogs that ran away. Was I just supposed to let a poor puppy run into danger?”

“I see.” Minghao’s two words silenced you immediately. You fell right into his trap by overexplaining yourself.

The rest of the day went off without a hitch, besides your occasional smiling thinking about Seokmin.

It was a time that the two of you reminisced about many times in the future. How you both stood in the rain long enough to get colds in the middle of summer. How you both actually owed Sprinkles for pushing the two of you to be bold and start to get to know each other outside of the coffee shop.

Before the scheduled Official Date with Seokmin, you noticed him with his camera taking photos in the park by your cafe. It was a familiar location to see him in. He would, without fail, always walk his dogs through the park before ordering coffee. You noticed simply because your shop’s windows had a good view of the park. No other reason at all for your mental notes of his routine. And seeing him? A coincidence once again. You were on your way to go grocery shopping after all.

You stopped daydreaming about the man in front of you when noticing who was behind him. Sure, Seokmin seemed like the type to get hyper focused on things. But what you weren’t anticipating is that in his attempt to get the perfect shot, he nearly got his wallet stolen. You shooed the pickpocket away, having Seokmin finally break his concentration at the sound of your voice.

“Y/N! Funny seeing you here,” he greeted you, oblivious to the ordeal he almost faced. His bright smile

How did the camera around his neck make him even more attractive?

“An interesting coincidence indeed,” You reply, readjusting the tote bag on your shoulder.

“Are you going shopping?” Seokmin politely asked, noticing your bag.

“Yeah,” you answer, “just buying a couple groceries to make myself dinner. Did you get any nice shots?” You motioned towards his camera.

“I did! Wanna see?” Before you could reply, he was taking the camera strap off his neck and gently passing his camera to you.

“Summer is my favorite season to photograph nature, everything is so vibrant, you know?”

You browsed through his photos, stunned by how good his skills were. Whether it be a photo of tree branches or a mama duck and her ducklings, each image you viewed had a certain softness to it. Seokmin was able to capture life through his perspective, a talent that you’re sure was apparent to anyone who had the pleasure of seeing his photos.

“I can tell, Seokmin. It’s like your photos each have a story to tell. Like your emotions seep through the lens. Your intentions can be felt each time you shoot something.” Art was never your strong suit, but before you had time to realize it, you spilled your innermost thoughts with him.

Making eye contact was a challenge after that, with you wanting to go grab your groceries and bury yourself under your comforter back at your place.

Seokmin broke the silence first though, “Thank you for saying that. I’ve been really doubting if I’d ever get to hold an exhibition for my work, but your words motivated me to continue working hard.”

“Why would you doubt yourself, Seokmin? You’re so insanely talented. I’m sure you didn’t need me to realize that!”

“I did need you though, we all go through moments of self-doubt, no?” He smiles softly at you, his tone softer than usual.

“You said you were going to buy groceries for dinner tonight, right? Well the sunset is looking phenomenal right now. I know we planned for dinner later this week, but what would you say about me taking you to the best rooftop restaurant in the city? I mean the dinner later this week is still on the table as well! I just…would like to get to know you better if that’s alright with you?”

He left no room for interpretation or confusion. A trait that you found refreshing after many failed talking stages with people. This instant connection you felt with Seokmin didn’t come around often.

“It’s more than alright with me. Which way is the rooftop restaurant?”

His smile broadens, exposing more of his teeth as he puts the lens cap on camera, “We just have to take bus route 218 for 15 minutes…”

You followed him to the bus stop, excited for the evening ahead of you. Who knew a puppy would be the reason for your new love to bloom?

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emizzzleblur · 1 year

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I asked my friend her opinion of the 2023 f1 drivers:

apologies for the very long post but there are 20 of these bitches and I’m not doing a part 2 so hope you enjoy her unhinged thoughts <3

MAX:

I love Max I don’t care abt his racing like I don’t care abt anyones racing to be fair

I think I used to hate his guts in the beginning which is a true testament to our relationship being the strongest

I want to put him in a ball like a hamster and let him run across my kitchen floor

CHECOOOOOO:

I love Checo sm like i would gladly be a home wrecker if he gave me half a chance

He seems like if we met irl he probably wouldn’t like me but that’s ok I like him 🫶🏻

Charles:

Charles is just dumb and I’m kinda indifferent abt him because I feel like our brains work at the same frequency

Like we cancel each other out because we’re both from the south of france and we’re both bimbos

CARLOS:

CARLOSSSSSSSS

I don’t Even have to say anything we already know I’m obsessed with him like he’s def top 3 for me probably top 2 now that Nicky is gone I adore him sm

Lewis:

Im also indifferent abt Lewis i don’t hate him as much as I used to but I think we could talk abt fashion

George:

My opinion is exactly the same

I hate him with a passion and I would straight up LOVE TO FIGHT HIM but I wanna fuck him so bad it makes me look stupid

Lando:

I like Lando he’s so cute in the way where if I pinched him he’d probably make a noise like the pillsbury dough boy

He needs to stop calling himself daddy tho he’s not fooling anyone

I would rly enjoy pushing him into a shrub to bully him and watch him struggle to get up

Oscar:

I’m indifferent abt Oscar but his lack of personality makes me giggle

He reminds me of a saltine cracker or like pretzels

VAL:

MY DADDDYYYYYY!! I love Val with my whole heart he’s actually the best he’s so unbothered and just enjoying himself he’s the king fr

Zhou:

He’s an actual NPC I don’t think I’ve ever even acknowledged his existence outside of that one pic of him and Fleep like legitimately who is this man

Pierre:

I hate him but like in a way where I don’t ACTUALLY hate him like if he was drowning I’d probably throw him a life preserver

but am I the reason he’s drowning in the first place? Probably

ESTEBAN:

idk I’ve got a soft spot for esteban maybe it’s because we both struggle to say squirrel

He’s cute if he wasn’t French I’d fuck him (maybe if I’m drunk enough to forget he’s French)

YUUUKKKIIIII:

I don’t know when or why this happened but I am so in love w Yuki like he’s in my top 3

he’s so adorable and rly grew on me

I’d like to give him a marshmallow and a little kiss on the forehead

Nyck:

I don’t dislike Nyck but I don’t like him either

I’m indifferent he’s just kinda there but I will think about that video of him exercising for the rest of my life (dis)respectfully

KEVIN:

I rly like Kevin idk why

I don’t know much about him but he’s funny and he seems nice and kinda just chill idk he exists and he’s cool

Nico:

I know nothing about Nico and I don’t like him

I don’t know why I have a hate campaign against him but his face gets on my nerves and that’s good enough reason for me

Lance:

…I don’t wanna say it but he’s growing on me emmie like this is the worst possible outcome but I can’t stop it

Fernando

I do not like Fernando but as i said Before hes Fun like It’s fun to watch the world burn but I don’t like the bitch that threw the match

ALEX:

I love Alex he’s cute and he seems nice and his blonde hair rly fucks

I’d like to meet his cats we could be besties I’d kiss his cheek and pat his head

LOGAN:

I want him to fuck my brains out and honestly, that’s the only opinion I have on him like I have no other thoughts

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danothan · 2 years

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plssss do kirashino

who’s the cuddler: god they’re both so touchstarved, can i rly put one above the other? i guess shinobu has been more open and obvious with her physical affection, but i also rly love the idea of kira giving in, gradually pushing himself to fulfill the “husband role.” ‘i can do this, it’s fine. this is what a husband is supposed to do,’ he thinks as he lets himself hold shinobu’s hand. it’s all abt the internal pep talk and controlled indulgence babey!

who makes the bed: kira normally would, but since he now has to share the bed, he can’t exactly make it while someone’s still sleeping in it, and unfortunately—

who wakes up first: —kira tends to wake up first. he doesn’t even need an alarm, it’s just his internal clock. i definitely don’t think kosaku was an early bird tho and he might’ve even slept through some alarms, but we also know him to be a diligent worker, so his morning routines might be more rushed than kira’s peaceful mornings. i wonder if this was smth kira had to adapt to. i know he’s careful abt keeping his identity hidden, but the small joys of having his mornings to himself and carrying out his routines are part of his ideal quiet life, so i don’t know if he would sacrifice this, even as a cover. he’d be quieter than kosaku as to not wake shinobu, and she wouldn’t even realize that he’d already made coffee by the time kosaku’s alarm would go off

who has the weird taste in music: kira likes queen, he’s as generic as it gets. shinobu’s isn’t exactly obscure either, but i feel like she’d enjoy haruomi hosono (i may be biased with my association bc an old kirashino mutual o’ mine told me some of his songs reminded them of me, so U__U)! i’m thinking abt shimendoka in particular

who is more protective: i’ve said this on an old shipping chart meme, but kira definitely worries more abt shinobu! for the first time in her life, she can be carefree and relaxed thanks to him

who sings in the shower: im getting deja vu bc i swear ive talked abt most of this stuff before but i can’t remember to whom or where. whatever, my specialty is repeating myself for fun <3 i hc that kira has vocal stims, singing included, but he stopped when donning the kosaku identity. but stims are stims, you aren’t even aware you’re doing them sometimes. i can imagine a scenario where he’s humming to himself in the shower and shinobu joins in on the song and it freaks him out bc he didn’t even realize he was doing it

who cries during movies: both of them but for different reasons. shinobu cries if a dog dies in a movie. kira tears up over cinematic romantic period dramas (every day i thank araki for making him a canon romantic 🙏)

who spends the most while out shopping: kira isn’t an excessive spender but he Does only buy the highest of quality items. not necessarily flashy rich clothes or anything, but he likes his ties tailored and his kitchen knives sharp. i do personally want to headcanon shinobu as a bit of a shopper tho, she might not buy the most expensive things but they surely add up. miss material girl absolutely NEEDS to add this teacup to her china collection!

who kisses more roughly: this is more of an early-relationship answer (i struggle to imagine their relationship in the later stages, but f0r has been helping me a lot with that!) but i think they’re actually rly gentle with each other? shinobu might be a little more passionate since she’s gotten no action for 10+ years + she’s in her crush phase, but i dont think she’s rough at all. kira is rough in a clumsy way, idc how suave and experienced he tries to act, he has never known the loving touch of a woman.

who is more dominant: shinobu is more dominant in the assertive, confident sense. she knows what she wants and she won’t hesitate to lead kira to that point. that being said, i don’t think she’s very interested in taking a dominant role. she wants to let someone else take the lead and take care of her. kira is naturally dominant but also has to exercise a lot of restraint as to not go overboard (and shinobu wants to see him go overboard 😔)

rating: 10/10, a top 3 ship for sure. very influential to the relationships i lean towards in media now

#danswers #danbles #💣#part4 #kirashino #long post #sorry for being so late with this 😭#moved it from my inbox to the drafts and my object impermanence made me completelt forget it existed

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veryvvv1 · 6 months

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Life without adaptation

I never really express my thoughts publically, but here's the only place where nobody can see.

An experience of a friend of mine got me thinking, is this how life works? or is it just the mind that twists it into something different.

I grew up with a mother who's very neutral about feelings and other people. She never gossiped, she never talked shit, and always ended up talking abt morals. And hey, I learned so much from it.

Something I'll always remember is "adaptation". Everything in this world needs to adapt to its surroundings, animals, plants, sea, water, everything. Especially humans.

Adapting isn't just about changing your fins in different seas, it isn't just about storing nutrients in vacuoles when being in a dry place.

"My surrounding is dirty, but I don't wanna be dirty, so I clean." That's a part of adapting. In humans, it's also how you interact with people, social kinda stuff.

Something I notice, during teenagehood, many people struggle to make friends. Some of them get hated and talked abt by everyone, while some are loved and friends with everyone.

People often say ppl who adapt easily are two-faced, but the truth is no they're not. You have to know your place between people. Life isn't as fair as u think, to the point where you have to lie to get a place in society. I won't call it a lie, I call it adaptation yes. You can't always blame the situation, blame the people involved in it. Life is not fair indeed. And the way you think makes it worse for yourselves.

There are solutions to problems (unless death ofc), and there are people who analyze then to solve them. But then there are people who don't rly learn.

A perfect life is for someone who has clear skin, a perfect smile, pretty, friendly, smart, rich, and all that they say. While people who are less attractive tend to be forgotten.

Keyword, adapt. If you're not attractive, get a hobby, impress those people. Study hard, be smart. Lose weight, eat healthy, exercise. If you dont have friends, fight anxiety, talk to people, go out and make jokes. If you can't do any, be funny, be nice, everyone has potentials of their own. Thats part of adapting, without adapting ur js gonna stay ur old boring self hated by everyone. Its not funny right?

I feel like some of my friends should stop having that kind of mindset, taking control over their own body. Life has struggles. Every school you go to theres problems. You have to open your mind, open your heart.

If you think everyone hates you, i believe in "you get treated the way you treat them". So the way ppl treat u reflects urself. If you are hated, you probably hate everyone. Thats how it works. Life is cruel, it isnt fair, nothing is. Great people learn from it.

Idk this is js my mind, it must be hard to go thru that. But having a better mindset wont hurt u so much. Everyone has struggles i believe, the ones who are strong grows from it.

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kobe-1974 · 3 years

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I need a break where I watch studio ghibli movies, write poems, cook for myself and go for a walk alone. that’s how I can communicate with myself the best way.

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wantaichi · 4 years

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haikyuu + skincare hcs

ever think abt how they treat their skin? probably not. but like. do they wash their face like a normal person? have a 32 step skincare routine maybe??

msg me for any character who’s not here and i’ll drop their routine for u

masterlist.

karasuno

sugawara. lives up to his title as mr. refreshing. cleanses, tones, and moisturizes. !chefs kiss! keeps a jar of aloe vera face gel in his fridge, his mom had a spare. carries around a 100-sheet pack of oil film, more out of habit than of need. good skincare just makes him feel in control of his life, ok

ennoshita. fuckin’ spotless. part of the 0.0001% who don’t sweat easily. doesn’t have a complete regimen but never skips out on cleansing and toning before bed. actually reads the product ingredients and googles the benefits before buying. neutrogena type of guy.

asahi. facial scrubs are his holy grail. like. dead skin? stubborn hair follicles? haha not on his watch ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞ trims his goatee every 3-4 week bc a well-groomed beard goes hand in hand with proper skincare. a sucker for aromatic products. lavender? shea butter? SOLD.

daichi. “healthy lifestyle is key to healthy skin“ typa dude. rly just thinks natural is the way to go. drinks 8 glasses of water, eats his veggies, exercises regularly, gets 8 hours of sleep. sounds like smth off wikihow if u ask me. probably is.

tsukishima. cetaphil hoe. brand loyalty embodied. on it for 5++ years, and never once considered switching. BUT. his routine ends at step 1. cleanse. and that’s it. the fuck he need a 32 step skincare routine for? long as he gets a day’s worth of grime and dirt off his face, he gucci

yamaguchi. sensitive skin’s got him constantly changing/exploring different products. rode on tsukki’s cetaphil agenda for the first few years of puberty (rly just out of curiousity) but dropped out when his skin got used to it. thinks pimple patches are a blessing to mankind.

tanaka. fuck. chaotic greasy. asks for oil film from suga just to stick it on his forehead, lets it stay there. uses whatever’s in the bathroom to wash off, aka majority of saeko’s products. got yelled at once to “get his greasy ass over here” and got slabbed with aztec healing clay mask. converted to clay mask hoe after 20 minutes. “mm this shit’s dope!”

nishinoya. fuck. chaotic greasy part ii. but make it baby face. only does skincare when chillin at the tanakas. homie got him to try the clay mask bc chick’s dig that. “bro, u mean the mask or boys who do the mask?” “both bro” “awshit bro gimme that” thinks splashing some water twice a week is enough

kageyama. ? this yalls mans? oblivious to the whole concept of skincare, only acknowledges general hygiene. uses whatever’s on the soap holder to wash his face. probably dove. doesnt really have much skin problems to begin with, only breaks out once a year. living proof that god has favorites.

hinata. only started taking skincare seriously that time a huge ass zit grew on his chin. yachi offered him her unfinished bottle of cosrx (she’s a hoarder and u kno it), and has since been giving him all her leftover bottles. basically gets to use good quality products for free smh

nekoma

kuroo. not very big on the idea of skincare per se, but supports any brand on that cruelty-free and vegan agenda. reads the product ingredients like a children’s book. “mm phenoxyethanol and retinyl palmitate.. i’ll take it.” always leaves the saleslady stunned.

kenma. too lazy to adopt a routine. but regularly uses his mom’s facial wash. you know. those mom brands. has a stash of facemasks from lev’s trip to korea —> only form of skincare he actually appreciates bc he can simultaneously play his games and be all bout dat self care

lev. abuses his perks of having a sister. casually uses all alisa’s imported, high end stuff. la prairie. estee lauder. la mer. and she doesn’t mind bc her “levochka deserves all the finest things”. boujee ass russians

yaku. baby face. when god made it rain collagen, he was freestylin in a pool full of it while we was all sleepin. doesn’t exert much effort, just cleanses and tones bc it’s part of proper hygiene. girls envy him. parents in their 40s wanna be him.

seijoh

oikawa. SKINCARE HOE KING. fuckin high maintenance. goes to the derma for his monthly laser facial treatment. on broke days, he settles for a diamond peel. skin so smooth it puts the entire female population to shame. spends his savings on those clinique eye creams. probably modeled for the face shop once

iwaizumi. homie reeks of male cleanser. might either dove men or nivea men. there’s no in between. oikawa internally screams everytime he witnesses his bff wash his face. two words. aggressive. rubbing. bordering on hostile he might actually skin his face off

mattsun and makki. fuck. drugstore cleansers. the ones that come in sachets. agreed to take turns in buying bundles for sharing. sometimes sneaks a pinch from oikawa’s clinique products when he’s not looking. haha dumb hoe. may have an addiction to charcoal nose pore strips just so they can compare blackheads

fukurodani

bokuto. buys whatever’s on sale idfk. genuinely wants to get on kuroo’s go green agenda but too lazy to look around the store. normally just uses the bubbles from his soap or shampoo. his belief: if it cleans his hands and his ass, then it can fuckin clean his face too

akaashi. healthy lifestyle + decent regimen = pretty skin. cleanses and tones. tried his mom’s aloe vera face gel once and got hooked. shit’s relaxing as hell. owns a bunch of facemasks, sometimes uses but keeps forgetting to take them off before falling asleep. uwu af

dateko

futakuchi. doesn’t have a routine cause “who tf needs that” and “obviously not me.” or so he says. secretly the biggest spender on skincare in all of dateko. owns a bunch of anti wrinkle products and probably one of those jade rollers. but no one needs to know that. just wants everyone to think he’s naturally pretty

aone. told by futakuchi that “knitting your brows too much causes premature wrinkles, but not like i’m an expert on that hhhahaha dont get me wrong.” can’t rly do anything bout it. he was born with that face. also buys whatever’s on sale

shiratorizawa

ushijima. surprisingly blemish free? but not entirely smooth? just spotless? basically a rock? never went past step 1: cleanse. never realized he’s been skipping out the 31 next steps. cetaphil hoe.

tendou. dry. crusty. compensates by sweating a lot through practice. might be effective if he’d stop leaving the foam on longer than recommended, thus leaving his skin dryer than his love life. yeah, i went there.

shirabu. flawless at first glance. until you lift those uneven ass bangs. tbh its nothing serious except “are we gonna ignore the fact that his whiteheads follow the shape of his bangs” as pointed out by tendou. uses whatever cleanser his mom buys for him

semi. decent skin care routine. a big boy who’s fairly knowledgeable on other brands outside cetaphil and dove/garnier/nivea men. takes him less than 5 minutes to pick a product bc he’s tried them all, knows what works, knows his skin type in and out. stan semi for clear skin.

see inarizaki + sakusa here

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dog-teeth · 3 years

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hi!:) i have a question for u! i'm pretty sure I want to go on low dose T but im not sure if I want to be on it for my whole life. do you want to take T forever or do you plan to stop when you get your desired changes?

as far as I know most of the changes that actually go away are visible but not *too* visible (like losing the muscle that had built up, getting back your menstrual cycle, etc). so your face would still look masculine and your fat wouldn't redistribute again, your voice wouldn't get higher, etc.

I want to achieve an androgynous looking body and the idea of taking t for the rest of my life doesn't appeal to me, so if I'm able to, i want to get off of it when I get the changes i want, but i want to know what you think abt this whole thing and what are your plans! (only if you feel comfortable sharing ofc) thank u have a nice weekend:)

hi!! quick correction - fat redistribution is not a permanent change, it will revert back, and that includes your face shape (it sucks i know). also, you won’t lose muscle you built up if you keep exercising, T just makes it easier to build muscle up, but you can have just as much muscle without T if you train. i would suggest doing more research on which effects are permanent and which are not, in case there’s anything else you’re mixing up.

you definitely can take T for a while and then stop. i’ve talked to my doctors, there’s nothing that will harm your body about going off HRT. lots of people do it! just make sure ur informed about what is permanent and what is reversible.

personally, i had only planned to take T for a little while, to get my voice to change mostly (fat redistribution was a plus also, but i didn’t care for bottom growth or body hair increasing since i had enough already) and also just to see what it was like. but now it’s been over a year and a half, and i don’t want to stop, because i really like the way it makes me feel as far as my mood/energy and gender, even though i’ve gotten all the changes i want. i def originally intended to go off it earlier than this, but i like it a lot, i like how my moods work more, it gives me more energy, and i like being able to build muscle easier. and gender-wise it makes me feel more comfy being feminine which i like, and in general it is very affirming for me.

i doubt i will take T for the rest of my life, but it’s making me happy right now, so i’m not going to stop yet. i don’t really have any plans for when to stop, like i said i really enjoy the mood effects and fat distribution so i rly would rather stay on even though i dont need/want any more changes. i like where i’m at, idk what i’ll do in the future though, but probably i’ll go off at some point, i’m with you that taking it my whole life isn’t ideal.

#ez answers #t #hrt #testosterone #Anonymous

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ascaryghost · 3 years

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Hey I’m the anon who asked about the 💩 and can I just say - THANK you SO much for being so open and honest about something like that because yeah it must feel so uncomfy to unconcerned those memories but I want you to know (if you don’t know already) how insanely helpful it is to read stories like that when you’re struggling with the ideas of “wanting to be sicker” - everyone always talks about how “you’ll be cold all the time!!! So boys will give u sweaters!!!” Nobody talks about the literal shutting your pants in public but because you’re exercising still not taking that as the cue to go straight home - literalky insanely helpful to read and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come in your recovery that you can flat out say “it wasn’t worth it” - I was half expecting the ask to not even be answered so I truly can’t thank you enough for sharing this 🌼🌼🌼you’re a fucking warrior and a champion and I LOVE you ❤️❤️❤️

yea it was honestly no problem sharing that story and i think its rly important as well. and yea istg boys were scared of me (which hm, tbh kinda pog at least they stayed away lol /hj) and did defintily not give me their sweaters, in fact i had to suffer in the winter when the stupid boys opened the classroom windows and i sat there dying of coldness. And the ed coldness isnt glorious its like u literally have no body heat. to anyone who haven't gone through it, think of it like this - everybody has a small little fire deep inside, so even when ur in cold weather ur not cold all the way through. ed cold u dont have that fire and coldness just completely fills you and runs through you and you would do literally anything to get warm again but no amount of layers is enough because really what you are missing is internal warmth and its rly rly rly horrible.

but abt the recovery part, ive gone through recovery but im relapsed like i just wanna make it rly rly clear that what im doing isnt recovery and im def not in a healthy mindset like pls dont do what im doing. i went through recovery and relapsed so that + my experiences w hospitalization and literally being at death's door made me have a very complicated relationship with my ed. like i feel like im rly good at being like "ok no no no we need to fucking eat something rn." like pulling myself up when i go to deep etc cause i never ever wanna go back to where i was before my failed recovery and i know this is what every person with an ed says and then fucking die like years later but i honestly feel like im good at handling my ed so i dont go too deep. Like i dont have any desire to be bonespx because i have been and it sucked, i dont feel invalid bc i dont 'look anorexic enough' like a lot of ed ppl do etc. But yea the sick thing abt eds is that even though u know what ur doing isnt worth it and unhealthy you can still keep getting pulled back into it tbh i have to remind myself a lot of how things used to be to keep myself from falling down the hole. as soon as i find myself looking at bxnespo and thinking "waittt actually..." i have to just stop and make sure i don't go deeper. Anyways my point was pls everyone practice harm reduction this way too, not only keeping something sweet with you in case u feel dizzy etc but please practice it in your mind too. You have to do everything you can to stop yourself from falling too deep into this.<33 pls <33

anyways i love you too even though idk who u are but you seem like a wonderfully sweet person and im sorry all my answers are so long and rambly but like i dont wanna half assedly answer these things bc they are so important i feel like i rly need to explain them thoroughly to make sure nobody gets the wrong msg etc.<3

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vakta · 2 years

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update <3 (mention of binging + a whole vent abt exercise addiction)

March 3. 2022.

today wasnt bad i think. the best day that i've had in a while, actually.

tuesday was terrible. i already woke up feeling like shit and i also gained some weight which i wasnt emotionally prepared for. and i just couldnt study, it was as if my brain had been too exhausted idk but i had a lot of stuff to get done and i was stressed, and i was also stressed bc i hadnt felt hungry all day but still pushed myself to eat bc recovery yk but this made me even more stressed, and then i kind of binged in the afternoon bc of this. funzieees, right?? i felt so terribly shitty, im so glad it is over.

calorie-wise it wouldnt even necessarily be called a binge (idk the minimum kcals of what can be called binging), but it was definitely more than what amount i can digest without problems, and i felt rly out of control too. this has happend several times so far btw this winter, and it is always peanut butter lmao.

so i felt terrible and then i restricted the next day (wednesday). i know i shouldnt have but i just wanted to feel hungry again, then i go back to recovery.

i did that, and today i ate quite well i think!! i also got a decent amount of schoolwork done so im rly glad :D

the only bad thing is the stupid exercise addiction, bc i just cant let it go. i exercised tonight, well not that much, it was power yoga. but like still. i think it isnt about the amount of exercise, but the obsession. bc i remember when i wasnt even allowed to do more than a 20 minute walk daily, i went outside in any kind of weather and walked as if my life had depended on it. i was obsessed, i still am. i have reduced the amount but i cant stop thinking about it. i didnt go walking today, but already planned a walk for tomorrow. i porbably shouldnt go bc i kinda only do it so that i wont feel guilt. but if i dont go then the next day the guilt would be even worse, and the next day even worse than that, etc etc, and i dont think there would be a day when id be like "hm actually im not guilty anymore" like???? why would i come to that conclusion? it would be nice tho.

sooo idk. this is exercise thing is bad. and it will become more and more ridiculous as i manage to reduce the amount of exercise but not the obsession. like, if i werent allowed to go anywhere or do yoga, i would be like "how many times did i go up and down the stairs today??? was it enough??? how many plates did i put on the highest shelf, not enough i need to lift more plates!!1!1!!!" etc. so that would be ridiculous and this is what im afraid of. but how to reduce the obsesson, if reducing the exercise doesnt help in itself?????? i have no fucking clue.

but anyways, today wasnt bad so that is nice! hopefully tomorrow wont be either :)

#vakta long posts #vakta recovering & trying my best

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matoitech · 3 years

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brain still on genderbends i dont get why ppl will agree genderbends r bad but then b like ‘the only exception is genderbends as a character design exercise’ bc like maybe im misinterpreting but i think ur missing the point of genderbends being cisnormative and saying looks/ur body = gender in the first place. bcuz like the fact of the matter is no character actually has 2 look different at all 2 b a different gender. pushing that trans ppl need to Look Different, change our bodies, get on hormones, be more gender conforming in whatever u personally think that means, etc, is smth that shouldnt b pushed even more on2 us- we already hear it enough. especially since ur still looking at gender very narrowly and assuming the categories r Man and Woman and that theres nothing outside that binary and even then ur still looking at Man and Woman like theyre on opposite sides of a scale. theyre not. and some ppl r both.

for me personally genderbends were like, my first exposure to the concept of changing ur gender when i was like 12, but its not 2012 anymore. trans hcs are more common now, we have better alternatives for kids especially young trans kids 2 see than keeping genderbends popular. like im sure kids will still draw whats basically a genderbend by themselves even if they werent a popular thing bcuz 4 some kids its probably the only basic concept they rly have abt exploring their gender esp if they dont rly know anything abt trans ppl, but theres no excuse if ur an adult lmao like u have to b consciously ignoring trans ppl or just not friends with any trans ppl to watch us talk abt the many issues w them and walk away thinking that sign wont stop me bcuz i cant read!

also just bcuz ur trans and ok with genderbends doesnt make the whole basis of them any less transphobic / cisnormative anyway 😭 its fine 2 not care that much abt them but u dont have 2 b like ‘well im trans and think theyre fine and not transphobic’ like ok, thanks, that doesnt make them not transphobic now tho. anyway in conclusion there is a lot of issues w these and i just havent seen an argument FOR them that holds water lol. also genderbending and calling it a trans headcanon when all of us know that u just did a genderbend and slapped a trans flag over it to try and keep trans ppl off ur back is insulting lol

#mine

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c-c-cherry · 4 years

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I saw this hc on insta from kerbabbles, and it's abt Zeppeli being Jonababy's father figure (bc George might've messed him up bad bc he was rly strict with jona) so I was wondering if you have any hcs for this hc. Do ya?

Hello!! I’d never seen this artist before when this popped up in my ask box so I checked them out and HHHHGGGNNNN OH MY GOD I’ve gotten a taste of glory that I’m probably never going to get again because part one is horrendously underwritten but Jesus it was an idea that I’d never even thought of but now I can never live without itjjfhgjkghf

I am now a firm believer now that the reason Jonathan punched toxic masculinity down like a sack of potatoes is because of William Anthonio Zeppeli. This man builty his confidence up so much compared to living with Dio for years AND SHOWED HIM THE LOVE HE DESERVES

So you know what I WILL do? Make some wholesome headcanons because I need to dump my thoughts on this matter somewhere. And because Jonathan Joestar needs a gentle parental figure, too :)

(Go check out Kerbabbles on Instagram! They’ve got that good wholesome shit and inspired this ask and this post!)

Alright without further ado:

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Zeppeli learns by the second training day that raising his voice is a big no-no

-He hasn’t known Jojo for long, but training for the first time is rough

-There’s a lot of methods to Hamon training, especially when you’re first training someone, and he learns pretty quickly that the calm and collected route is the way to go with our boy Jojo

-The moment he starts to raise his voice, even if its out of praise, he can see Jonathan completely stiffen and lose all focus that he initially had

-Jojo just keeps vigorously apologizing each time he’s done it and almost braces himself to get yelled at again

-He refuses to talk about why he reacts this way and Will ain’t gonna lie,,,that shit’s kinda concerning ;-;

-But he makes due with it and makes sure to be chill with praise and criticism alike :)

Jonathan’s perfectionism is surprisingly extremely high

-A bit of a flaw with Jonathan is that he’s not only very wary of things he isn’t perfect at, but he also gets impossibly frustrated when he can’t do them perfectly from the beginning >:(

-He’s like one of those sweet, soft people that could never raise their voice to people they love but get so angry with themselves that they just end up glaring really hard at the ground until they start crying out of pure frustration

-George Joestar fucked him up in that sense

-He was always raised to be perfect at everything he did, and when he wasn’t he would be forced to keep on going until he could or deprive him of things when he couldn’t

-Because of Dio humiliating him at every mistake he made as they were growing up, he’s just fucking terrified of failing in front of other people

-He’ll screw something up and get ready for a barrage of insults only for Will to be like “its okay, just try again”

-It gets to the point where he starts thinking that if he hasn’t disappointed Zeppeli yet, he’s bound to at some point and starts being the one who’s actually the hardest on himself

-When he messes something up, he’ll go without dinner because his logic is ‘if I don’t punish myself then he will and that’s even more shameful’

-It starts to get noticeable and in the end Will is practically shoving a soup bowl into his hand like “son you need to eat” and Jojo is so fucking confused because he didn’t do anything right so how could he possibly earn it?

-It ends up with the two of them arguing over it while Speedwagon and Poco are just sitting there like ;_;

“I don’t need this. I haven’t earned it.”

“You’ve been training all day! Of course, you’ve earned it!”

“I haven’t done a single thing right today! I shouldn’t—”

“You need to eat to keep your strength up.”

“But I don’t—”

“You don’t what?”

“I don’t—deserve it!”

“Who said you didn’t deserve it?”

-And the moment he says that, Jojo gets this look on his face and Zeppeli’s internally like shit fuck and Jonathan absolutely crumbles

-His mind goes back to all those nights growing up that he didn’t earn or deserve dinner that night because he couldn’t master whatever skill George wanted and Dio could do

-Because of course he needs to be punished for being bad and messing up, its the only way he can learn

-Because what other way was there?

“...”

“...you always deserve it.”

-There. Are. Tears.

-Jonathan slurps up his soup like a good boy and THERE ARE TEARS

-And he eats his dinner that night knowing he does deserve it (because Will and Speedwagon won’t stop reminding him <3 )

Speedwagon is asthmatic (and Zeppeli figures this out the hard way)

-He’s always wondered why Speedwagon is basically incapable of learning Hamon because the man seems to have a lot of skill in combat and even more in resilience

-Speedy doesn’t really seem to know either but he said he’s just awful at controlling stuff like his breathing so that must be why

-Will just thinks he’s over-exaggerating for the most part

-Until one really chilly night he wakes up to someone gasping for air

-He creeps over and realizes its Speedwagon and tries to get him to regulate but he just keeps gasping that he can’t

-He thinks its a panic attack of some sort and tries to reassure him that he can and it's alright but it doesn’t help and he comes to the realization that Speedwagon literally cannot breathe

-He props our boy Speedy up and and rubs his back to help him actually fuckin’ breathe and does some cool Hamon ripple shit and JONATHAN AND POCO SOMEHOW ARE JUST ABLE TO SLEEP THROUGH THIS

-After coughing a significant amount, he’s finally stabilized and Will’s like “bro what the fuck was that” because Speedy just seems absolutely cool with it

-”Oh, I told you I couldn’t breathe sometimes, didn’t I?”

-Hggnnn he didn’t think the man meant it literally

-He can’t really teach him Hamon, but he does the next best thing: use his Hamon to protect his homie :)

The king of keeping calm >:)

-Yes he is the calm dad friend. Yes he will use this to his advantage

-Sometimes Jojo gets too worked up about everything and focuses so hard on breathing that he forgets how to breathe entirely and our man is there to help

-Breathing exercises? Yeah. Meditating? Hell yeah. Sometimes just being the one to hug you and say that everything is going to be okay? MEGA HELL YEAH.

-Between:

Speedwagon: a known freak-outer

Jonathan: who’s been living in the Joestar mansion his entire life and doesn’t have a shred of street smarts

And a literal CHILD

he needs to be doing damage control all the damn time

The dad energy is impeccable

-He was a father, after all. He’s good at what he does

-BEST HUGS HANDS DOWN. Just looking at this man gives off good hug vibes :)

-Is the oldest and most experienced in the group and is always down to drop some sick wisdom

-The dad ‘stache

-Jonathan laments about the looming Dio confrontation a lot and doesn’t sleep as much as he should, but Will is always there to stay up with him

-George never had time to talk about things like feelings, but Jonathan notices that Zeppeli actually...wants to?

-Will claims it’s good for your lungs to get stuff off your chest, but Jonathan is really taken aback when the man starts asking him about how he’s feeling and why

-Before he knows it he’s spilling over and telling him EVERYTHING

-Good cry. Good hugs. Good, cathartic time

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

As if I thought I couldn’t get anymore feral with my headcanons. This takes the fucking cake, I think. I’m so feral for phantom blood found family now you don’t even KNOW

Thanks for bearing with me. My ask box is open if you have some good ol’ headcanon questions (or if you just wanna come say hi hehe <3)

#jjba #jjba headcanons #ask-c-c-cherry #jonathan joestar #jojos's bizarre adventure #speedwagon #will zeppeli #phantom blood

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katedoesntexist · 3 years

Text

Stay-at-home journal 2/12/21

Yesterday:

Worked

Did a few doodles that won’t see the light of day

Took a nap

Made whipped cream and had it over peaches

Stayed up waaay too late for no reason

Today:

Work

Write

Shower

Exercise

Free space:

I keep talking abt it, but i think im going to have to set some hard limits on myself abt phone use and physical activity. There's literally no reason for me to stay up until 2:30 looking at ebay when my eyes sting and my hands literally want to curl inwards from tendonitis. Im doing this to myself, and it needs to stop.

Todays the day i start posting my fic. I rly do hope ppl read it. But despite the minimal traction i get here, the fanbase rly is fic focused so i know some ppl will see it. But then thats it. No more fan works as far as im concerned now. Who knows if someday a whim will strike me. But i doubt it. The lack of response rly makes me disheartened and embarrassed for trying.

The whipped cream was fun. It was surprisingly easy, and i like that i could control the sweetness. Idk if ill buy pre made again. Like thats how easy it was.

Had loads of dreams, but for now i only remember falling in mud at some school event, having a party and spilling something on my shirt, then finding out my dog used to be addicted to heroin. Also ppl were in my room and nobody was wearing masks and it made me stressed out.

#katedoesntstayathome #katedoesntdream

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luvdsc · 4 years

Note

Oh no please omgg😭😭🐥 ur rly too sweet hahah🥺im so happy that u kept on improving ur writing so u cud gift us w it!! Ur welcome ahhh🥺also v proud to hear tht u nvr stopped improving ur lovely talents!!! Oh nooo ahhh ur rly too kind hahaha😭😭thank u for being sucha positive beam of light!!!🥺💘 my night is going alright im jst abt to exercise! I do chloe tings hehe hbu??🤭 planning to deep cleanse my flat as a prezzie fr my own bday!! Hbu cat got anything planned this weekend??🥰🌻✨

ndjdjdnsnskek I’m— 🤧🤧💖 thank you so much for all your kind words and support and encouragement omg 😭💗💗💗 my goodness, when I think back to the first story I ever posted on the internet, I cringe so much LOL I aspire to always have as much confidence as my younger self did in my writing like that. And omg no that’s you!!!! 🥺🥺 you’re the sweetest and an absolute ray of sunshine, and I hope you’re doing good today!!! omg I really need to start the chloe ting two week challenge, but my employer just dumped a bunch of pre activities for me to do before I actually start working rip are you enjoying her workouts? are there good results with them? ✨ and omg you exercise at night too?? everyone else thinks I’m crazy for exercising at night, but I enjoy it most then :’) also omg when is your birthday? Is it today?? happy birthday, lovebug!!!!! 🥳🥳 this weekend, I’m prepping for work, facetiming with friends, and I also bought mochi doughnuts this morning, so the weekend is off to a good start!!!! 💘

#asks #t shrt #flowers

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fockbambi · 5 years

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okay so, this week has literally been my worst----- i’ve had like . continuous panic attacks n i literally thought i was abt to Die, so I went to Get Some Help like the Big Kid I Am , and Basically, i need to turn my life around .

i’m usually active at night (idk why but my muse is rly strong after midnight ): big F in the chat), but i want to sleep early n wake up early, and get used to writing in the morning. SO, this change might take me a few days to a few weeks. i might just focus on a few threads, might not be writing for a while, or might just post headcanons and solos. Who Knows . but im letting you all know.

also im going back to screenwriting classes, bc i really, Really , want to succeed in it. and actually, i made this blog more as a character study (im actually writing a Show abt,,Bambi..w0w,), and i’m not gonna lie IM REALLY HAPPY ABT THE THREADS I’VE HAD WITH ALL OF MY RP PARTNERS BC WOW, I RLY GOT TO DEVELOP MY TRASH BOI, THANK U. and so, i might like , also slow down a bit to focus on bambi’s script (i want to get to class with smth in hand and just work on it throughout the whole Semester and try to sell it by the end of 2020 ...i kno, this is Very Big Dreams but i Believe in Myself).

but also this means looking for more pre-established plots and very in-depth threads . i rly want to focus on bambi’s key character aspects (like his memory loss, his music and Very Much his gender identity) and especially ESPECIALLY his dialogue. i think atm it’s kind of lacking. im still trying to find his voice. diff threads might not b cohesive since i’ll be trying different . . . voices. u might not even notice a difference tbh sdfkjsdkg BUT ILL KNOW.

SO ANYWAY ENOUGH ABOUT BAMBI . i’ll be taking a break from life starting this week until january. i’ll hav more time to rp, but i’v prepared a bunch of hobbies for me to delve into so pls don’t count on my free time to be here at all times. i’m gonna try to practice sticking to a rp writing routine (perhaps 2hrs a day? 3hrs? or 2 days a week) and uh, nothing more. KEYWORD: TRY.

i rly want to focus on painting, reading books, going to the movies and exercising-- plus anything that’ll help me improve my writing. i’d hope that by the end of march, i’ll see some kind of change in either my body or my writing (or hopefully both lmfao , ,, ), and by proxy, an improvement in bambi’s story :----)

to conclude; changing my lifestyle, will def affect my activity on here . bambi’s story might or might not go through huge changes . i’ll be removing things, adding things, changing, editing, rewriting, re-editing, deleting-------------- you get it . i’m going all in for this bitch because I. WILL. SELL. HIS. STORY.

I WILL DO IT. I WANT TO WATCH MY BABY ON TV. AND I’LL DO JUST THAT.

thank u for coming to my ted talk . but for real, you’re interested in deep character development, don,t hesitate to IM me. im very very serious when it comes to plotting and will not stop until we’re both satisfied with the level of development. i’m also HELLA into headcanons and love to improve upon our muses’ relationships/plots beyond our threads. MESSAGE ME. i’m slow, but i’ll do it, i promise.

#﹙ ﹡ ɪᴛs sᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴏ·ᴄʟᴏᴄᴋ — ooc !#it's a LIFE UPDATE #o and a muse update #if we're rping or you want to rp w me at some point this Could be Interesting to read #Or Not idk im not forcin anyone #this is long and a lot of rambling . oopsie #last paragraph is a plot call if anyone wants to Uh... *eyes emoji*

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possibilistfanfiction · 6 years

Text

where the days have no numbers (to slow among roses, or stay behind)

[yall were rly cute abt the fic where lexa needs to retire & they have hale so here’s a little continuation for u. lexa’s hip gets better n they go on VACAY! ao3.]

where the days have no numbers (to slow among roses, or stay behind)

if it’s harmed, it’s harmed me, it’ll harm, i let it in —bon iver, ‘00000 million’

lexa looks out of place, and uncomfortably so, in a hospital gown and the beds that on many warriors look tiny. but you’re struck again—as you are sometimes, when things are calm and the world smells like flowers, and lexa’s hair is loose from its braids and you are sure she has never loved anyone as much as she loves you—you are struck that your wife is small, and slight, and delicate.

she is, also, incredibly stubborn and sort of ridiculous, which right now is helping the pang in your chest lessen, just a little bit.

‘stop trying to take those off,’ you tell her, and try to be gentle about it, because you know she’s mostly just scared and not trying to be consistently obstinate.

lexa lies back against the pillows, looking impossibly younger in the soft gown, without any armor or warpaint. she huffs. ‘this procedure is for my hip, clarke. i do not see the use for all of these.’

she looks toward the oximeter on her finger with absolute disdain, and you can’t help but laugh.

she glares.

‘they’re just so we can make sure that you’re healthy the whole time.’

‘i am healthy,’ she says, and without swords and daggers her annoyance looks a little like a pout.

‘you are,’ you say, grant her that at least, kiss her cheek gently when she petulantly turns away. you smile against her skin, though, and you feel her resolve start to waver. ‘you’re very healthy, and once your hip is healed, i have all sorts of plans to increase your flexibility.’

she turns toward you. ‘yes?’

‘mhm, commander,’ you tell her, and her pupils grow in size immediately. you want to laugh because you have been having sex with her for almost fifteen years and still this never fails. ‘lots of range of motion exercises.’

it takes her a moment to laugh, but then she does, softly and with resignation. ‘i look forward to that, clarke of the sky people.’

you smile fully then, and tug her in for a kiss. her IV line gets caught in your hair and you have to carefully untangle yourselves, but she doesn’t seem nearly as frustrated as before.

the hospital in polis is coming along—she’d given you and raven free reign, essentially, to build an equipped hospital in polis, to work with the healers to blend both your practices of medicine. raven had been able to salvage some ark tech, and replicate it as well, and so now you have x-ray machines in polis, and three surgical theaters that are almost up to your mother’s exacting standards. you’ve spent your years setting up clinics in most clans, educating their healers, traveling with—and without—lexa to the far reaches of all of the land you could’ve never dreamed of. you’ve delivered babies, and treated head wounds, and tried to chart every poison and antidote the grounders seemingly have an endless supply of; you have given yourself to leadership and education and healing.

your mother had grumbled when you’d insisted she travel to polis to do lexa’s surgery here, but when you’d pointed out that there was no good way to transport your wife after her surgery back to your home, you had seen your mother consider having to have a sore, stir-crazy commander in her pristine arkadia hospital, and she had agreed.

you’re waiting for her to be ready, now, with lexa in this small sterile room that she hates, hooked up to all sorts of machines that she hates, and you can understand: she has been hurt before, but never electively. you think this sort of decision goes against her very nature: to give in to the way of grace, to let something heal her when the earth cannot.

but she loves you, more than you ever could’ve known, so she’s here, quiet and stubborn and grumpy, in this hospital bed. she’s nervous, fidgeting and stoic, and you adore everything about her.

you’re about to tell her this, or try to, when your mother walks in, brusque and professional, in her surgical scrubs.

‘ready?’ she asks.

‘yes,’ lexa says, very seriously, and you squeeze her hand with a little smile when she looks to you.

‘she’s good to go,’ you tell your mom, and her eyes are soft and understanding when she sees the two of you. it had been difficult at first, because of the mountain, but your mother had grown to love lexa, because they both want to give you the world.

lexa swallows and turns to you, kisses you gently, chastely. your wife—the most powerful person in the world who comes with cities that have fallen under her hand, an army that looks at her like a god—is scared, and you kiss her forehead. ‘you’re going to be just fine.’

love is not weakness, you have learned, and she is the strongest thing you have ever known.

your mom smiles gently as you back up and she steps up next to the bed, explains the surgery quickly once more, as per procedure that she insists on sticking to, which is comforting in its own way. and then she puts her hand gently on the side of lexa’s face, cups her cheek, in the same way she’s done for you, in a gesture of incredible comfort, and fondness, and tenderness, your whole life, in the same way she does for hale, now.

‘you’re going to fall asleep, and you won’t feel anything, and the next thing you know, clarke will be right here again when you wake up. it’ll be just like a blink.’

lexa nods. ‘thank you, abby,’ she says, and then turns toward you.

‘see you soon, niron,’ you say, and she kisses your knuckles.

‘ai hod yu in,’ she tells you, and this surgery is, in the long run, not dangerous at all—not compared to every battle you have ever seen her off to fight, every tense meeting among generals in the tower, even.

but still, you feel it, feel her and your life together, the very center of all you are.

‘i love you too.’

she smiles and your mom nods at you seriously and wheels her away.

you stay staring for a while at your hands, where hers had been.

she is just as obstinate when she’s out of surgery as before, trying to take the oxygen cannula out of her nose, generally just being a pain in the ass to the post-op staff as they usher you in the room with a sigh of relief.

‘my love,’ she breathes out when she sees you, stops her struggle against a lead stuck to her chest.

‘hi,’ you say, trying not to laugh, and sit down next to her bed, take her hands in yours—out of comfort but also stillness. ‘how are you feeling?’

she shrugs unevenly, a gesture so young and unlike her you wish you had one of raven’s cameras with you.

‘are you in any pain?’

‘pain is just,’ she says, then leans back her against her pillows like the words have taken a lot out of her. ‘pain is merely a state of mind, clarke.’

‘well, you just got a bunch of new nerves and twenty-one stitches after my mom reconstructed your bones, so—’

‘shhhhh,’ she tells you, and closes her eyes. ‘brevity.’

you laugh and kiss the top of her hand, which makes her smile lopsidedly. ‘get some sleep.’

‘i’m not tired,’ she insists, still with her eyes shut.

you can’t help but smile, because your mom told you with utmost confidence that everything went better than expected, and that your wife is, indeed, very healthy.

‘get some sleep, lexa.’

she’s still for a few moments before she nods minutely and then whispers, ‘stay?’ a little roughly.

you feel eighteen again, in love and blown away and aching. but now it’s easy— you have built a word full of peace together: ‘always.’

lexa is tired, you can tell, but the good kind of spent because you had hiked to the tidepools together, and she had told hale stories after stories about all of the small creatures you can find there. your daughter had been delighted, and you need to thank raven again for the camera she had managed to salvage, because now you have a picture of your wife holding your daughter while they peer in wonder at phosphorescent starfish, their hair wild in the wind, their eyes bright.

lexa had carried hale all the way back on her shoulders, telling you both about the different kinds of birds, and trees, and generally finding what you can tell is an immense amount of joy in sharing the ground with you.

it’s been months, and she’s regained almost full mobility, only feeling pain when it had gotten especially cold, and then it was mostly just stiffness.

when she had been well enough to quietly pitch the idea of a vacation to you—six whole days with no duties to anyone—you had cried, because you still owe your lives to your people, and you always will, but there is a sort of breath now, the same sort of healing that came to her bones.

she had brought you to this grand, single story house on the beach, one that apparently she had been having built for three years now, before hale was even born, hoping for this day. it’s the most spectacular gesture: the big windows looking out over the ocean; the aisle in front of them; the big bed with soft, warm linens and a driftwood headboard—all of it for you; all of it for your love.

tonight lexa grills fish she caught this morning, somehow managed to have something called a lemon to squeeze over them, and herbs she apparently planted herself, over a year ago, in a small garden on the side of the house.

so much of her love is unspoken, and tender, and grander than you know how to give sometimes. but you tuck hale in together and you take a blanket and some wine out to the beach with her hand tucked in yours, the air salt and warm, the waves of her hair loose and long—and you try.

this is your private beach, and you take your clothes off together and touch each other, like have for fifteen years, like you do with more care and attention every day.

she traces a tiny scar under your eye and you pay careful attention to the one down her hip, but then you don’t think about harm so much anymore. you touch her and she arches into you, and she kisses you—down your skin and into your core—and you look up to see the stars; you close your eyes and see them all the same.

afterward you laugh into her neck about the sand somehow stuck to the side of her face, and she wraps her strong arms around you and spells out words on your skin that you can’t follow.

you lie like that for minutes together, listening to the sea and looking at her under the moonlight, washed out and stunning; you are incredibly in love.

‘what are you thinking about?’ you ask her, after a while.

she hums. ‘your medical procedures are so odd.’

your lips quirk up.

‘i had to choose to let your mother harm me so that i could heal, in the long term.’

the way she says it, full of softness, makes you remember her all those years ago, when you’d first met, the way she wanted more than just survival, her trust in you, the way she knelt before you in reverence.

‘i am going to grow old with you, clarke of the sky people,’ she says, with the same conviction she does when she gives speeches as the savior of her people.

you kiss her, deeply, and when it grows too heavy you tickle her side and she laughs with a yelp into your mouth, kisses you softly afterward.

you say, ‘i don’t plan on anything else.’

hale wakes you both up in the morning, crawling over lexa with an oomph to plant herself in the middle of the bed. lexa groans and rolls over, throwing an arm over both of you.

‘rest, strikon,’ she says, her morning voice rough and only one eye peeking open. you kiss hale’s forehead with a little laugh when she huffs but snuggles up against your chest and sighs into it.

she’s quiet for a few minutes but then wrinkles her nose and sits up, her little fist held high.

‘why is there san, mama?’

‘sand,’ you say, and you can feel yourself blushing, even though lexa glares at you both and hale has no idea what’s going on. ‘and, um, we were playing in it last night before bed.’

lexa snorts from below her pillow and that’s all it takes for hale to squeal in delight and pile on top of her, mixed english and trigedesleng about playing in the sand almost in full sentences, and lexa laughs and turns over and hugs hale to her chest, blowing a raspberry against her cheek.

your heart is full, and whole, and hale reaches for you and pulls you toward both of them, into a clumsy embrace where you knock limbs and feel the summer sweat already beginning. your chest aches, and the air is warm; you are at peace and your wife is looking at you like you are the first person any sort of gods ever found holy: you are so far from harm.

#possibilist #possibilistfanfiction #no plot 2.0 but its CUTE!#moms! vacation!#clexa fanfiction #clexa week 2018

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transrightsjimin · 4 years

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im so so fucking overwhelmed by absolutely the tiniest things jfc

i had to rush w walking to my sleep therapy appointment nd i think i was 1 minute late or so but the therapist saw me nd we had our appt which went well, she recommended me to try to make a weighted pillow w 2 kg of rice and that sounds very fun, and of other exercises too, and then i had to sort out my route, walked to a metro station to go to a hospital to get my blood drawn but bc the screen displayed the wrong stops and i didnt listen to the computer voice bc i listened to music, so i had to get out nd take another metro two stops back, then at the hospital entrance i was told i could just request a new blood drawing form at the desk i had to go to anyway (i lost the original bc i got it months ago bd it suddenly disappeared), which sounded weird bc i remember someone telling me before to go to a different desk, but i went there, drew a number until it was my turn, went to the desk, was indeed sent back downstairs to the other desk, walked around like 3 times (including walking outside bc thats the only route for going back to the right desk so i had to give my info at the entrance again) bc the arrows on the floor were very confusing when you enter a floor halfway through a hall nd i didnt want to walk into the wrong direction when there were arrows bc of covid, constantly stressing bc it got a bit more busy while earlier i was told i could come back bc it was so quiet, then finally drew a number again for the desk near the blood drawing room bc i finally had my form, got my blood drawn, went to toilet, went to a shop back nd forth bc i was hungry but they basically only had chocolate stuff nd candy nd i know having eaten chocolate makes me rly sick in public transport but i bought a bueno thingy anyway, went outside again, stressed bc my phone is way lower battery level nd it was so suffocatingly hot in the hospital that i didnt know how much to put on, suddenly had an impulse to sit down outside on a bench near a tree bc there were multiple beches nd i thought oh why dont i try duolingo again bc its been ages nd i need to sit down so i can write in my notebook! then got stressed bc they were all soaking wet wood despite it not having rained today nd it looks greenish nd gross anyway, but normally other public benches r always covered in bird shit or rly tiny bc they hate homeless ppl, so i sat down despite being stressed abt how im wearing pastel pants nd theyre prob rly gross rn and stressed abt the possibility of ppl walkig by while im mask-less bc im eating or drinking nd stressed abt me forgetting to put it back on bc im forgetful nd stressed bc i wanted to try to clean my room nd wash my hair for days now and it still didnt happen bc im always too tired nd bored w doing necessary tasks nd im abt to have a meltdown rn nd crying nd i HATE it!! i wanted to try to sit somewhere in public in a sort of quiet space near grass nd trees, like even if theres cars nd ppl around i thought it might help but it was too late bc im already crying from fatigue nd embarrassment bc ppl can see me cry in public!! like i dont get how ppl enjoy being outside, ppl can see u all the time nd ur never free from their stares, its so embarrassing!! i kind of want to go home already so im free from embarrassment in public but im also not looking forward to going there bc my room is still a mess nd needs to be cleaned nd i need to wash my hair nd im not sticking to the shower scedule tht my autism coach gave me, like even if i do shower its usually not on the dates that are on the sheet, bc she included certain days of the week which i proposed but it doesnt work out tht way nd i feel guilty, but moreover im not looking forward to going home bc the way back is either like, walking very long to and from public transport stops nd my feet r already killing me, while the other routes involve less walking but more switching transport methods on the way there nd its so frustrating bc last time i could just come here in one go. i know im whining a lot abt absolutely nothing nd only loking for things to get upset by but i just needed to vent

#i also still need to apply for more jobs bc by the time i might get help w that its either december or january at the very least #i hate it so so much like urgh please im tired of being so forgetful nd late everwhere nd getting upset w myself #nd just. how ive been in this spiral for most of my life #though it might even be worse bc now i have even more responsibilities #i have just so few life experience md never know what to do #maybe i should go home after all nd hug my friebd but idk #i always bother him w the same sob stories nd he doesnt know what to do w them either #i just need a stupid fucking job that i wont suck at too much #but i have 0 useful talents or skills for a job nd moreover 0 confidence #nd im rly bad at lying at times when its the most necessary like i rly find it hard to lie abt me being able to do so much #rambles

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