#I still want to go to an endocrinologist because like the weight gain was already nonsensical after the surgery

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Hope is Dangerous...

A machine elf woke me up this morning.

(Link has description penned by the ethno-botanist who named the phenomenon.)

Now, I have already heard of them, and I know what they're supposed to sound like, so if my half-sleeping brain wanted to produce one for me, it has instructions. Also, I'm operating on 1.5 hours of sleep right now, tops. Consciousness gets gooey under these levels of stress. Scientifically, this is a useless experience.

Nevertheless, a loud, excited, unintelligible gabble - distinct in that way from Disney-esque squirrel-speak - woke me from fitful dreams. And then the spouse came in and told me it was about time to get ready for my fateful doctor appointment.

I've had thyroid issues for at least three decades, probably born with them. My number was low (standard panels only check one, of three), they threw enough Synthroid at me to get the number into "normal range" and never gave me a diagnosis. I still had symptoms, nobody cared. They tried to treat my anxiety with antidepressants - which never worked. Because my thyroid number was "normal," you see. Of course, I was gaining weight because I didn't eat properly and exercise, even though none of the diets and exercises worked either. My thyroid number was "normal." I was just a lazy liar!

My "family doctor" (I'm lucky to have one!) "prescribed" megadoses of iodine, and sea kelp, and a ketogenic diet. I begged him to send me to an endocrinologist, almost from the first appointment. I told him the same story I've told you, plus more. Finally, my spouse accompanied me to an appointment and told him to give me the referral. He did, but I couldn't get an appointment with the thyroid specialist for months. Today was that appointment.

I have had so many doctors stop listening, glaze over, and do the minimum amount needed to get me out of the office. I've also had a bunch be very enthused about listening and helping me! Only to disengage and glaze over when it turns out the minimum amount doesn't cure me and I keep coming back asking for help. Pssht! Women! Am I right, fellas?

Today, this guy had run a full blood panel with all three numbers. For months in advance, I stopped taking all the useless supplements the "family doctor" pushed on me, to make sure the guy had an accurate result. The first thing that happened when I came to the office - a tech weighed me and checked how tall I am. THAT IS NOT A GOOD SIGN. I waited, expecting to hear, You have an unhealthy BMI, here's a diet, you need to exercise.

What I got, after some very sincere (seeming!) discussion was: "You have Hashimoto's, your immune system is attacking your thyroid, and you're probably one of the 5% of people who can't convert Synthroid to every type of thyroid hormone you need."

THIS IS HOW I SELF-DIAGNOSED YEARS AGO, BUT I NEVER GOT ANYONE TO LISTEN.

I told the doctor I'd tried Armour Thyroid, and it was wonderful, but I couldn't tolerate an effective dose. (I tried so hard to tolerate it! I split my dose, I built up to it, I worked for months, but the side effects didn't go away. It killed the anxiety I've lived with all my life. Boom! Gone! And then I had to stop taking it and, like a nightmare, over about a week, all that mental anguish came back.)

He said: "It might be the binding agent." THIS ALSO JIBED WITH MY RESEARCH! "Let's try it from a compounding pharmacy. If that doesn't work, get back in touch with me, there are more things we can try." Ha-ha, and also, bonus round: "No, don't take sea kelp, don't megadose with iodine, that can make your thyroid stop working altogether." And! "I'm going to talk to your doctor."

I AM VALID! But, I've heard that before. And when the first thing doesn't work, I lose all my traction. I am hoping so hard. Armour Thyroid did help, but if I can't tolerate it, I'm setting myself up for another Flowers for Algernon where my crippling anxiety goes away and comes right back.

Machine elves seem like they like us. The seem to have the ability to create beautiful things with words, and they're so jazzed to teach us how to do it, that they try to create this information into our heads all at once instead of slowing down to explain. I'm a writer. Broadly-speaking, that is also my jam, so I'm in favour of the little guys, real or imagined.

My dude - or genderless construct, or however you identify - if you're watching me right now, thanks for giving my reality a nudge towards something better. Now, for god's sake, keep it up!

#machine elves #thyroid issues #most doctors are terrible #at least i have a diagnosis!! #and i'm so scared that's all i'll get #but hopeful #holdin out for a knight in shining Armour

[zsuuv139]

rare original content time! and its gonna be me venting

cw: weight "management", weight loss and gain, gynecological issues, doctors, the rona

so either this story starts in my childhood: i've always been a fat girl and have recently discovered that it was basically eating for attention, positive or negative, since i also was a glass child.

or this story starts 3 years ago, with the pandemic. where i gained even more weight. but i also met this guy and he and another friend somewhat motivated me to lose a lot of weight (that i was really happy with and i felt better in my body, happier overall due to exercise). and then last february (2022) not only did i hook up with a guy, i also got myself a nice little BV out of it. and ofc the rona. after the rona cleared up, i went to a gyno who also did an ultrasound and found a cyst. i felt my life implode - i had only heard bad stuff about ovarian cysts.

they told me to not do intense workouts and put me on hormonal birth control. i could barely stand on my 2 legs. and i was depressed as hell. gained a lot of it back. got off the birth control because suddenly the cyst was not on my ovary anymore but somehow adjacent to it and hormones dont help anymore. still couldn't work out.

am also supposed to get an mri that either has a 6 month waitlist or a 100+ usd cost - my monthly pay is about 1k usd so i kinda cant afford it.

i recently took steps toward getting the mri - another gyno visit. now i also have a polycystic ovary (just one of the 2. hormone levels still ok - not pcos).

im also currently getting fired/ laid off and at the time of that appointment, i had just found out and was already exhausted because of multiple failed applications. i was certain that the layoff would happen and was looking and interviewing but got no offers.

when i tried to explain my health situation to my doctor, i ended up crying. she was patient, gave me some paper towels to wipe my face and explained how the procedures were gonna go. i liked the experience overall.

i also gained all the weight i had lost back.

docs want to investigate possible insulin resistance - i got my blood drawn and since then i have a bruise where i was stuck. this has not happened ever before, and i did used to get blood tests for a thyroid issue. im now wondering if this is bc im fat.

went to an endocrinologist - thyroid levels not optimal, and potential insulin resistance that i was hoping they could advise me on.

she calls my name. "how's it going with the weight loss?" i remark that not well.

"do you have endometriosis?"

"im not sure. afaik it needs surgery to be diagnosed and i havent had any surgery in that area. but my periods do hurt like hell and get kinda plentiful, so it wouldnt be a shock."

first few questions go normal, i know my meds, doses, diagnoses. she starts talking about weight loss. i just take it in an "ok im not coming back to her" way. then she starts asking about the cyst. i tell her what i know. she asks "but what does the mri say?" "dunno, they have a 6 month waitlist" "and youre not willing to pay for an emergency?"

now, in her pov, this random fat woman starts crying.

in my pov, all my job hunt stress and worries bubble up - im crying as im typing this ffs, and i do have a job offer currently! i recall how, if i qwere to go on unemployment, i would be eligible for 120 usd a month - i couldn't even pay rent with that! i recall how our transfer within the company was treated - we were told there would be opportunities and we will have to apply, then we applied, got little feedback, and as the other project's start date approached, they started pressuring us (most specifically, me) to do our tests asap and i was literally given 20 minutes on the end of a workweek to decide if i wanted to start on the other project on monday. did not go well.

so i just ended up crying - and angry at myself, since earlier i would just be angry if anything happens, and i was used to working with anger, but i dont know how to deal with crying.

she may have acknowledged that i was crying, saying she knows this situation is not easy but i should do everything to get out of it (no shit).

then, sobbing, i explained that the gyno did not say the mri would be urgent, and she did acknowledge the long waitlist.

doctor goes back to weight loss / eating habits. do i eat dairy? dairy is like fertilizer for the cysts, she says. "i don't drink cows milk. i do like yogurts and cheeses tho." "no, you cannot eat cheese".

what the actual fuck is happening?

she asks me to lay down for an ultrasound of my thyroid (to make sure its all good). i explain that its left side was taken out and on the right, there seems to be just a tiny little lump, and im kinda curious if it grew. should i take off my shirt? nah, just pull the neckline apart.

i would have rather taken it off but k.

she acknowledges that the left lobe is indeed not there, and goes to town with the ultrasound ot see whats up on the remaining right half. kinda hurts but whatever. lets just get this over with.

"how much do ypu weigh?"

"honestly, too much rn"

"100 kg?"

"uhm... [i am above that so i say 5 kg less]"

...

"why did they leave the right lobe?"

fuck knows, lady, it was 10 years ago and im not a doctor. i was an entire child, do you think anyone cared to explain the medical decisions? do you think i understood?

"the theory was that they were hoping it would work at least on its own or that it would make up for the left part"

"well that isnt happening"

"i have noticed. but idk if taking it out now would do any good."

"nah"

tells me i can wipe off the gel and calls me back to her desk while she writes up her report.

tells me that i need a nutritionist for the insulin resistance and refers me to a colleague. then gets back on weight loss.

"the small blob on your thyroid would go away if you managed to lose the weight"

"also don't eat bread. don't have more than 2 slices a day" "i already don't eat bread" "then stop eating pasta."

gurl idk how to tell you but pasta and cheese are the only joy left in my life.

"but you have to go to a specialist. no one can do this alone"

idk how to tell you but im not _paying_ for someone to yell at me to lose weight... i know a lot about diets, nutrition, how a meal should look like, calories, intermittent fasting (btw, have you ever had an endocrinologist recommend intermittent fasting? i heard it was bad for your hormones lol), and i don't want to give like 70 usd for a "specialist" to potentially tell me nothing new. is this arrogant? yes. but again im not rich.

is it cheaper than whatever i would need to do if my body continues to deteriorate? idk. i would have to put it on my goddamn credit card tho.

and then i look on the paper she gave me.

she wrote "emotionally-pshychologically unstable" as a symptom. fuck off the entire way.

i left her office. i cried. i cried some more. i complained to my friends. almost lost it when i couldn't attach a lid on an iced coffee and it spilled on me. i didn't tell my parents because i do not trust them with questions regarding my mental health.

and i read her note about our meet again.

she wrote

"antecedent: right lobectomy.

currently right lobe micronodule"

so that's how doctors listen to fat people.

#cw health #cw weight #cw weight loss #cw weight gain #cw diet culture #cw doctors #cw medical negligence #cw gynecological issues #health #diet #tw ed diet #weight loss #weightloss #weight gain #weight management #disordered eating #emotional eating #vent #i need to lose so much weight #i need to vent

[hcolleen]

I just wrote a very long email to my Rep and my Senators talking about my history of having fibromyalgia and my complex relationship to health care, insurance, COVID, and other things...I don't think there's anything super identifiable (I do reveal my birth year/current age) so I'll share it here, too.

Hello. I am a disabled resident of your district and I'd like to share my story and my concerns that are literally life and death to me.

I'm currently 45 and spent my 30s trying to figure out why I couldn't keep up with my peers, why I kept gaining weight despite eating less than 1600 calories, often less, per day, and why I was constantly in pain. I was diagnosed with things as alarming as being female (I never would have known that….goodness, do tell), fat (yes, quite, I never would have known that either. Such cutting edge medicine), and being over 30 (you mean it's after 2007? Goodness). Sarcasm at these diagnoses is well earned, as should be obvious. I've been ordered to lose weight before two endocrinologist would consider treating me or even trying to diagnose me. I've had doctors refuse to treat me when I pushed back against the above diagnoses. I've had a doctor stand across the room with his hand on the door the entire appointment. Seeking out care is terrifying for me, but my body was failing me, so I kept going, kept trying.

It took until I was 42 and giving a provider a 2 page list of my symptoms and history before they saw me to get a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. At this point, I was sleeping or barely functional any time I wasn't at work, only grocery shopped every 2-3 weeks because I didn't have the energy to leave my apartment more often than that, and washed laundry every 2-4 months because I had to drag them to the laundry room at the apartment. I started falling asleep at work, which I was lucky wasn't noticed because I was working on a special project I had finished already. I tried to get short term disability approved, but I kept getting bounced between doctors to get them to do the paperwork (one wouldn't, one said the one who wouldn't should, and so on and so forth), so I ended up having to quit because I couldn't work and I had $5 and had to get access to my IRA to live on.

I was….I hate to say fortunate, but COVID-19 hit about the time I ran out of money. I tried to get another job and struggled even to work 20 hours a week, again sleeping most of the time I wasn't working. At that time, I had a psychiatric nurse practitioner who wrote for me to get part time on the contract, but when I asked for case management, because I was struggling so much, I was denied it on the grounds that she didn't want me 'giving up.'

Since then, I've been able to keep a roof over my head and eat because of expansion of SNAP benefits and Rental Assistance programs. I do currently freelance for a commercial real estate agent who is quite nice and doesn't care how long it takes me to do things, as long as the rate of work per hour is reasonable. I appreciate this as most weeks, I'm only able to work ~7 hours. On super good weeks, when my symptoms are at an ebb, I can work up to 15, but that's about once ever 4-6 weeks. He also doesn't always have work for me to do for him, so 7 hours per week is a more reasonable average, though, from January to April of this year, I averaged 5.25 hours per week.

My current work situation is relevant because I recently had a hearing for Social Security Disability and the result was disagreement due to the fact that I was capable of 'light work'. I honestly would like the judge to find me a job that can provide the basics (housing, electricity, phone, food, feeding my cat, insurance) on what I'm able to work. I'm still waiting to hear back from the lawyer as to what the next steps we should take are, whether there's some technicality or if I have to start over and take up to 2.5 years to get through the system again.

With the ending of COVID programs and denial of disability, I really don't know how I'm going to keep a roof over my head going forward, which also affects my cat, who is very supportive and helps me deal with anxiety and negative feelings like loneliness. None of my friends have space for me, nor do they know of anyone who might have space for me. I don't have any family contacts. I'm waiting on Section 8 from the City of Tempe. I was just recently put on the Mainstream list, but getting my disability certified for that was again a chore. My pain management doctor wouldn't sign it, saying that my primary should. My primary said that a rheumatologist or psychiatrist should. I don't have a rheumatologist since, as I've been told at least twice, Arizona Arthritis and Rhuematology doesn't manage fibromyalgia and they're the only source of rheumatologists on my insurance.. I don't currently have a psychiatrist because the psychiatric nurse practitioner worked at a practice that closed May of 2020, I think. My primary has been managing the medications from that provider since. Getting into a psychiatrist is very difficult right now. I've asked for a referral to one, but they've not called me back and it's been four months. Yes, I should probably call them back, but I've had a lot for me going on over the past four months. I went to a neurologist because I got shingles and he said I was on a very high dose of pregabalin, so I don't know that he'd feel comfortable managing me. I was in physical therapy at the time and that provider was willing to certify that I was disabled for an 'indeterminate' time, because there may, some day, come a treatment for fibromyalgia that will do something about the immense fatigue and brain fog I deal with, which means I have to figure something out again in a year, but I might not even get a voucher by then, too.

My insurance company finally assigned me a case manager, which I accepted, because I'm exhausted dealing with doctors and referrals and pre-authorizations.

I get my insurance through the marketplace. Next year, though, I won't be able to afford to do that as I won't have made enough to qualify for the assistance that lowers the premium. I don't know if I'll make low enough to qualify for AHCCCS, but I know that at least one of my medications is absolutely not covered by it, my primary pain control agent, pregabalin. I haven't looked to see if they'll cover gabapentin, but it makes me sleep even more than fibromyalgia does, so I prefer not to take it. If I fall into that gap, I honestly don't know what I'll do, because without my medications, my pain is so bad that having the air conditioner kick on sends me into crying jags because the air moving against my skin is too much. I found this out last July and August as I worked on switching from using GoodRx and using my insurance but had to deal with a PA first and I went a month without my meds while also dealing with having to put down a cat I'd had for 12 years. It was quite a terrible time, but I needed to lower the cost of my medication.

To summarize: I have a complex relationship with doctors, but I need them. I've been denied SSDI because somehow 'light work' is the same as being able to make $1200/month. I don't know how I'll keep a roof over my and my cat's heads, nor how I'll be able to afford the insurance I need to continue receiving treatment in the very near future. I'm very scared and I know there's a lot of opposition to the programs I need to survive (and I'm not the only one who needs them, I'm sure). I know the selected issue is health care, which I really do need to be able to keep accessing, but housing is part of taking care of my health, as is food, and being able to make sure my cat is well cared for, too. These all feed into each other, as I'm sure you know.

I know that really all you can do is offer words of support and promises to keep working towards positive social ends, and I know this is an election year, which makes things eve worse, but I wanted you to know my story.

[allthebrazilianpolitics]

LGBT+ Indigenous Brazilians Break Silence

[Image description: transgender woman Majur, gay man Sioduhi, and gay man Tarisson Nawa.]

At the age of 12, a Boe Bororo boy began to realize he was a girl. In the Apido Paru village, where she was born and lives, this was never a problematic issue. But at first, Majur didn't quite understand what was going on inside him. Now, at 30, she knows that she is an indigenous transgender woman and is starting the gender transition, at the same time that she becomes the cacique, due to the absence of her father, 79, because of illness.

Since she started perceiving herself as trans, Majur has been leaving Gilmar Traytowu, her male name, in the past and building the desired identity as a woman. “I'm doing (the transition) in parts. First, taking female hormones, with follow-up by an endocrinologist from Rondonópolis. I started to realize that I was trans even when I was 12 years old and since then I have adapted and got to know myself more and more.”, says Majur, in an interview with Amazônia Real. Majur expected to undergo the transitional treatment by the Unified Health Service (SUS), but given the delay by the public service, she decided to pay for the procedures.

In the Apido Paru village, Tadarimana Indigenous Land, in Rondonópolis (in the state Mato Grosso), 212 kilometers from the capital Cuiabá, Majur has always been respected. But now, as cacique and leading a community of around 800 inhabitants, respect for her has only increased. However, Majur is aware that this is not the reality of other “monas” – the way she refers to the other indigenous people of sexual diversity. “I know several and I believe that they find it more difficult to expose themselves. We, in addition to being indigenous, are also LGBT+, suffer from double prejudice, although I never suffered from my parents. But from some relatives, yes, and in society abroad too, but I'm much stronger than prejudices.”, she explains. 

Along with the bodily transition, Majur also incorporated a visual transformation. She wears feminine pieces, some clothes, bags and adornments, such as earrings. “They are from the BioMajur collection, which I make myself, I love to make.”, she says.

Majur had the opportunity to leave the village to study, but she decided to stay and work with her people. Single, currently seeing a guy, she already considers herself a mother. That's because she raises two nieces as if they were her daughters. "They like me as a mother and now I'm a grandmother, because one of them has already given me two beautiful and wonderful grandchildren."

Majur's strength, as a woman, cacique, “mother”, and “grandmother”, is precisely in her authenticity. “I always say that our sexual position doesn't define our personality, we are what we are, not what homophobic society wants us to be.”, she says, adding that she always thanks Aroe Eimejera – “God, the Chief of Souls, the Chief of Spirits” of the Bororo for being well, as well as all her family members.

Breaking the silence

A topic still taboo, sexual diversity in the villages has gained strength with more indigenous people deciding to break the silence. Amazonian stylist Sioduhi, 25, from the Pira-Tapuya people, originally called Waíkahana, remembers how difficult it was to realize that he was a cis gay man.

He describes his discovery process as an indigenous LGBT+ as a moment of understanding his gender identity and sexual orientation. “This discovery brought me a lot of weight, precisely because I was born in an area undergoing a very strong colonization process, which is the Alto Rio Negro, in the state of Amazonas. There are large numbers of Catholics and Protestants there. It is a place where colonization ravages in such a way that we all suffer from the process of integrationism. From then on, we can already see how difficult it is to be LGBT+ in Alto Rio Negro”, he says.

Aware of the role he plays in society, he has sought to guide this debate in a more open way. “As an indigenous, LGBT+ stylist, who also has a certain influence, I have touched more on these issues, which are still super delicate, due to this construction of binary (male-female) and Christian guilt, which is still very large. We were told that we are going to hell. Not to mention the alienation of these religions.”, he recalls. 

Indigenous queer

An anthropology PhD from the Federal University of Santa Catarina, (UFSC) Barbara Arisi is a researcher on sexual diversity among indigenous peoples. “My doctoral research was with the Matis, who live in the Vale do Javari Indigenous Land, which is close to the border with Peru, where the Javari River separates the two countries.” she explains. She, who currently lives and teaches in the Netherlands, is the co-author of two books on the subject. The TI Vale do Javari is located in the state of Amazonas and is the second largest indigenous land in the country. More than six thousand indigenous people of recent contact and isolated groups live in it.

The first book, “Gay Indians in Brazil: untold stories of the colonization of indigenous sexualities”, was published in 2017 by the Swiss publisher Springer and is a research on the untold story of the colonization of indigenous sexualities, before the arrival of the Portuguese and Spanish.

"Chroniclers, priests, Jesuits, Dominicans, recorded the presence of other non-monogamous and non-heterosexual sexual practices only, of which indigenous peoples, as well as many other indigenous peoples around the world, had before European colonization several other sexual practices admitted in the community”, explains the anthropologist. "Heterosexism, violence against practices that we will later call homosexuals is part of a process of Catholic cultural imposition on indigenous practices related to ways of establishing families, sexuality, affection."

The second book by the anthropologist Barbara Arisi, “Queer Natives in Latin America: forbidden chapters of colonial history”, was published this year by the same publisher and features prohibited chapters of colonial history. The book begins with an overview of the scarce bibliography on the subject and ends with stories of contemporary transgender, queer indigenous personalities, who do not fit into the dichotomy of just two sexes or two genders.

“One of the characters is an indigenous of the Borari people, who also tells of his relationship with Candomblé religion, practiced in his community, where mixing already takes place. The book is all about everything we find from material in archeology, in the chroniclers' records to the more contemporary part, of how indigenous people today claim to be 'pueblos maricas' (”sissy peoples”), for example, a term they use in South America. Such as ‘Soy marica’, used by indigenous peoples in Bolivia.”, highlights Barbara Arisi.

The book also provides information on American and indigenous Canadian academics who claim number two in the diversity acronym: LGBTQIA2+. This is because they are indigenous and are not comfortable with binarism. They are called two-spirit, a native category. The similar term in Brazil would be the “indigenous queer”.

Gender fluidity

In the Nawa people of the state of Acre, according to the indigenous gay journalist José Tarisson Costa da Silva, there are reports that ancestors lived their sexuality in such a natural way that it was unnecessary to be gay. “Sexuality did not have this hierarchy or relationship of violence with people, with different practices. Currently, asserting oneself as an indigenous LGBT is fundamental for the struggle and recognition. It's the difference within the difference.”, he explains.

Tarisson Nawa, who currently lives in Manaus, recalls that the topic of gender within native peoples is now being raised by the movement of indigenous women. “Because gender struggles bring other ways of being and living within the territory.”, observes the journalist. “Along with this struggle of women, this struggle for territory, linked to gender issues, also come issues of sexuality.”

The journalist recognizes that in most territories colonization directly affected the sexuality of indigenous peoples, impacting indigenous bodies in their affections, in their sensibilities, and in the forms of relationships. Just as it changed and continues to affect the societal organization of peoples.

“I have reservations in saying that everything is a product of violence and colonization. I am not denying colonization. It is a fact that it had an impact. But we have to take into account that in Brazil there are 305 peoples. The diversity of peoples is immense, it is difficult to measure to what extent before colonization the fluidity of gender and sexuality existed in all these territories.”, he says.

For anthropologist Barbara Arisi, discrimination and prejudice against sexual diversity among indigenous people depends on the context. Many communities, like Majur's, have acceptance; but others don't.

“I lived with people who were trans, cross-dressed, with changed sex clothes, and there was no imposition on some people. But there are very violent communities. In Central America people are beaten, abused; to conform them to binarism, the form of punishment is often rape”, she warns. “I always think that indigenous communities accept people better, but that doesn't mean everyone, the difference is very big, there are many peoples, so it's not possible to talk generically.”

One of the known cases of aggression was that of Vanina Lobo Escarlante, a Bolivian indigenous trans woman. “Firstly, I was excluded by my family, because I knew what I wanted and I started to wear women's clothes, and that my family did not accept”, she says. Daughter of a cacique, she reported, in a 2019 video, the physical and psychological violence she suffered in her community, from which she had to leave.

Source, translated by the blogger.

#brazil #politics #environmental justice #LGBT rights #indigenous rights #brazilian politics #translations and summaries

[delcat177]

Text in captions, if that won’t read on text to voice please let me know <3

This is a half-year old, but I only paid Blobs Magician to help me out once and I’m fresh out of delicately painted acorns and he gave me commission rights so I’ll be tipping him a ziploc bag of goldfish later

I feel awkward writing about all of this--there was a bit of jealousy when I got my hyst (not projecting, I was told flat by a trans friend), and I worry that I may be making other people feel alone, anxious, or less-than in their gender by talking about it.  If you feel that at all, please, stop right now.  Don’t look in the mirror, because mirrors are scary. Like, really scary, they have ghosts or stuff probably, but also in the genders sense, so instead, look in your head.   Look at your self.  It’s in there, because it is you.  What is happening to me now is a shell upgrade, a hermit crab moving domiciles.  I was a boy once, then a young man, then a oldman, and now I’m a oldman with a society man shell.  Never mistake the shell for the crab, go “hey crab, I like your shell, I hope you find the perfect shell, because you are the perfect inhabitant” and celebrate that crab.  Because we are all crabs, and we are all beautiful, and we all deserve the shells that reflect us as individuals, and anyone who says otherwise can fuck off into a spiny urchin bush and not have a shell.  Or.  Something.  Did I say I felt awkward?  I AM awkward.  But anyway, drive-in movie totals and such after cut, potential TMI, and protect yourself love yourself, you lovely crabs <333

 (with cut ‘cause longtext is looong)

(ORIGINAL POST)

Alt-text: I'm always the last one to know

so uh

I'm a blithe idiot and somehow never processed or dared to dream that this was possible

which makes the timeline look SPECTACULARLY dumb but I was going through SO MANY LIFESTYLE CHANGES

HYST DATE: SEPTEMBER 28, 2016

2017: Me: Man, living in the townhouse has really amped up my leg game, all that up and down stairs.

Me: I'm down ten pounds since the hyst! Megan: That's probably your natural weight. Me: That or getting there.  Not surprising, I'm not feeding the beast constantly.

Me: *punches Megan playfully in the arm* Megan: OW goddammit Del that hurt like SHIT! Me: oh my God I'm sorry I didn't mean to! Megan: It's okay, just be careful! Me: That's so weird I'm sorry D8

Me: man is it just me or am I good in bed lately? oh right I'm the only one here...I guess it's because I'm more confident?

Me: ghghjh my hair's thinning out at the temples, well been expecting that one for awhile, at least it waited for 30

2018:

Me: Holy shit, the stairs plus the shopping is paying off!  My thighs are HUGE!  I wonder if cracking a watermelon with these bad boys is hyperbole.  I bet I could though.  I BET.

Me: Down to 162 and holding, fuck you past doctors!  I just needed ENERGY goddammit!

Me: Wow, I've lost a lot of weight from my face especially.  That makes me super happy.  Anyway better pluck these stray hairs.  ...have I been yanking these more lately?  Getting old is weird.

Me: (struggling with shorts) Megan: Do you need a belt? Me: I'M WEARING A BELT (lifts shirt to reveal belt double wrapped around hips) Megan: Well then Me: I just need to buy new shorts, my ass is just GONE Megan: In the meantime maybe pay attention to what underwear you have on Me: yeah thank God for boxers

Me: My acne scars are heck of acting up.  I wish I hadn't picked at my face so much as a kid, I guess the pores are just kinda fucked, I've read about that happening.

2019:

Megan: New shorts look good Me: I am so bad at shopping Megan: At least you have them now Me: I'm an assless chap is all Megan: Go to bed Del Me: It's four in the afternoon

Me: My throat feels so *thick* lately.  I haven't been hitting the vape that often, why does it feel weird?  And why am I noticing my own voice more?  I NEVER notice my own voice, I make a point of it.  Am I subconsciously pitching it lower like I used to do talking on Skype because I'm more socially active?  What is my brain I'm so AWKWARD Me: UGH I'm falling back into derma habits, I haven't picked in my face in years, I think I need to change cleansers.  But...my face looks...good?  I guess I had this hiding under that baby fat all these years.  ...I guess? Me: Am I getting a hump from my bad computer posture?  Shit. Me: Oh no, it's not a hump, my shoulders are starting to put on muscle!  That's a relief.  That must be from the...laundry?  Carrying...laundry?

AUGUST 5, 2019: Me: (lying in bed) 2 + 2

Me: wait why am I putting on shoulder muscle now?  I've been doing laundry for years, and it's never done that.  And my legs didn't get this buff with a routine job where I was walking three hours a d--

Me:

AUGUST 14, 2019:

New Endocrinologist: We'll test your levels to make sure it isn't a pituitary gland issue or (some syndrome I've already forgotten the name of), and it could be because there's some small element of testosterone in the estrogen replacement, but the brain does produce androgens.  We can definitely look into switching you to T if you want, but if it's facial hair you're worried about...well, once the follicle is there, it's there.  These are irreversible changes.

Me: No on that then but irreversible,, like,, what I have now,, is forever,,,,,,,?

New Endocrinologist: Forever, and I would expect to continue to see muscle gains if you work out.

Me:

welcome to my second puberty please be aware it apparently involves as many mood swings as the first one but i'm tryin'

Since then, it’s been continuing confirm, confirm, confirm. 

My acne turned out to be little follicles growing in odd places--not fullblown hair, just enough to irritate the skin while it was developing. Tiny tufts of 1-3 entirely white, downy hairs have popped up in a few places on my breasts.  The real fuzz proliferation has been in the southern quarters--with all delicacy, there is no itch like the itch of hair beginning to grow anywhere sweat can proliferate, and I now understand why cis men scratch privates in public.  Having NOT gone through a unified social experience with a peer group accepting of such measures, I am sure there is footage on grocery store cams of someone with an agonized expression walking like he has a weasel down his pants and worrying that 30 is early for hemorrhoids.  Both have settled in for the most part, leaving me with a very fluffy, barely-there peach fuzz mustache that’s only noticeable in the right light, some spare hairs across my chin and neck that I keep in order, and a profound relief that I prefer boy shorts and swim trunks.

I went through a few weeks of being especially rank despite all the showering and was worried that was my new normal, but apparently T sweats be like that, and I’m back to smelling like...whatever I smell like, probably lavender with our fabric softener.  I experienced what I believed was a relapse a month later that turned out to be a false positive--specifically, our thermostat was slowly dying and frog-boiling us until it got hot enough that my sister also went “dear God it is a sauna in here”, leading to replacement of the faulty element and another notch in the “my life is dumb” bedpost.

My face bonebs, which I frankly expected the least out of (when I wasn’t expecting at all), have slowly but surely been rearranging, a visual effect doubled by the much faster redistribution of fat.  I honestly have no idea how this one works.  I know more about dead bonebs than live ones.  I would doubt it if I didn’t have pictures to back it up.  I would say it’s easier to look in the mirror now, but I already stated my opinion on mirrors, do it too much and a skeleton will pop out.  It WILL.  My brain tells me this and it is never wrong about fears and or phobias.  Don’t do it kids.

If there’s been a single most beautiful moment so far, it’s been getting back into Steven Universe after a long hiatus, opening my mouth to sing the opening like I did years ago, and realizing all at once that I was singing falsetto.  I ran it back, dropped a register, and the first names I sang became those who would believe in me most.  There were tears, and later, showing it off, there were fierce hugs.  (Yes, the first ep I watched once I realized was Stevonnie, and YES GARNET GOING “GO HAVE FUN” wah)

I can’t begin to express the validation--I am no gender essentialist’s data point, this is MY experience and no one else’s, but I keep going “my aunt had a hyst and didn’t transition and I had one and I am because my brain makes androgens my brain makes androgens MY BRAIN MAKES ANDROGENS IT HAS BEEN MAKING ANDROGENS ALL THIS TIME IT HAS BEEN TRYING” and living in that, living in “not even SCIENCE is against me”, which is a tremendous thing as a scientist.  (As a scientist, I would be a blithering dullard to claim this is the only thing that affects or proves my gender, and I do not.  Again, TERFs fuck off.  This is simply a very validating thing to me, personally, in my experience.  I’m not thrilled that I have to underline that this hard dammit internet.)

What lies ahead is...I don’t know!  I thought I was done changing, but the post I saw that nudged me to finally do this on here went “you may stop being able to cry for awhile” and this is Important because I have been trying to figure out if I have Sjogren’s but apparently I have androgens which is slightly easier to pronounce.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, because transitioning is a lot of “I’m not sure how I feel about this” and then things being okay.  I would definitely say that the more I learn, the easier it is to feel steady and normal, which is important because the mood swings have been REAL.  This is more than I asked for or bargained for, but I still only have one regret, and that’s that my hyst scars are just slightly asymmetrical and it Bothers Me, but even that is growing on me.

I don’t know how to end this post.  I love you all to death, and I hope if you’re seeking transition, you find it and twenty dollars, and if you’re not seeking transition, you still find twenty dollars.  Thank you so much for you and all you do and are.  Remember--you are great!

Unless you’re truscum.  Then this post isn’t for you (dammit Internet) and you can fall off a boardwalk onto a dead fish.  Have fun with that!

hekk

#trans #trans mtf #trans timeline #del is a trans guy #gender #gender* #blobs magician #i'm sorry this wasn't sooner i was shy aaaaa #you are all tock to me #and you are all wonderful crabs #let us go for a scuttle #longpost #long post #scrolling

[cassolotl]

Testosterone, Round 2, Day 1

Last entry: Day 142. Next entry: Day 309.

Just under 2 weeks ago I stopped taking low-dose testosterone because I found that my voice was probably androgynous and I was worried about going too far.

The past two weeks has been Hormone Hell™️. I had what I suspect was probably a monstrous period, my skin has been painfully spotty, and my EDS chronic pain has been phenomenally bad. Aside from the few days at the start while my body caught up to the lack of testosterone, I have been a sofablob.

It’s been subsiding for the past 2 days, and I have felt more like myself in some ways than I have since before I started testosterone. It has been a relief, which is not how I would describe how I felt when I started testosterone 8 months ago. My relationship to food has become much healthier, because my appetite has settled down to normal and familiar levels - I am no longer craving carbs and sugar an hour after every meal. That has helped my mental health so much! I have still been a sofablob because the chronic pain is unmanageable again, but I can already feel that I have lost weight just in those 12 days.

So I wrote to the endocrinologist:

I kept trying to get my blood tests and it kept going wrong. And then I asked around online and among my friends in person about how androgynous my voice was and how androgynous I am generally, and most people said my voice sounded androgynous, perhaps leaning masculine. Strangers also seem to be more uncertain about how to address me lately (mate vs. love, etc.) so that suggests I might be in the right place.

Since I’m nonbinary and my goal is androgyny, I definitely don’t want to go too far towards a masculine voice. I think the way people gender me and my voice varies a lot depending on context, and it doesn’t feel good to be put in a binary box but it’s probably better than always being put in the male box or the female box!

So I put on the last dose of Tostran gel on 20th May (after just under 8 months), and unless I get any advice from you to the contrary I think I’ll probably stay off it for at least a few months and see how I feel, how I’m gendered by others, and see if I notice feeling uncomfortable about my voice again. I’ve put on quite a lot of weight since starting Tostran too, so I’m curious to know whether my appetite reduces and I lose weight again.

I then asked some questions about blood tests and other technicalities.

This morning, my landlord knocked on the door and I answered and we had a brief conversation... and when I closed the door I realised I felt dysphoric about my voice during that conversation. I guess I had just woken up and I was caught off-guard and was using a higher, more feminine pitch out of habit? And being able to speak at that pitch comfortably didn’t feel good and right at all.

Then I picked up the post from my doormat and opened it, and it was the letter from the endocrinologist to my GP, telling her that I had stopped testosterone and I should have blood tests including oestrogen in 6 weeks, and I felt regret.

I know that I needed to start testosterone again. I had expected to need a few months to decide, but it’s been less than two weeks and I already know! So I put the gel on this morning and I’m just thankful that I don’t have much on over the next few weeks because the starting-testosterone grease party is gross and disruptive.

I think probably any medication has side effects that might be undesirable, alongside the good effects you’re aiming for and the good effects you aren’t aiming for but are still good. For me, testosterone sucks because:

It increases my appetite beyond what my body needs, mostly for carbs and sugar, making me put on weight alarmingly quickly

It makes me more greasy and smelly

It makes me hairy in places no one should have to be hairy

Sex drive is higher than I am used to, and I don’t seem to be getting used to it, and it’s annoying!

Facial hair coming in, but in a pathetic kind of way

I have to apply it every day, which is disproportionately exhausting when my executive is dysfunctional

But until my voice is at a pitch range that feels comfortable, there’s not really any other option.

Pleasant side effects that are not the goal but that are still quite nice:

Genital growth

Body fat distribution is less feminine (while still not fully masculine)

EDS symptoms greatly reduced (joints less loose, chronic pain reduced, dysautonomia reduced)

Menstrual cycle less extreme in its extremes, which is mostly good but I do miss the ridiculous, symbolic and illustrative PMS dreams that hit me over the head with a wet fish and say “duh, this is what’s going on with you right now!”

I think to begin with testosterone was a joy because the effects were mostly good and reducing dysphoria a lot, and the bad side effects were worth it. But now we’re in that androgynous grey area, everything is a bit more uncertain, and testosterone’s bad side effects (appetite and weight gain, more hair) are becoming more apparent. So it’s just going to suck but be worth it in the long run, for a little while.

So I guess I’m back on T. I’ll write to my endocrinologist and CC my GP in a couple of days when I am feeling more sure of things.

And uh... I joked about asking random strangers to gender me, but... I think I am actually going to do that. I think a Google Form on my phone might be the way. If I end up in conversations with random strangers, I’ll just ask them to anonymously fill in my Google Form if I feel comfortable to do so. I don’t yet know if I’ll have the guts to follow through, but I think it’s a good idea, for my own piece of mind...! Maybe my autistic social weirdness will be an asset in this situation. :D

#original posts #cassian's transition #cassian's hormones #testosterone #low-dose testosterone

[broke-bitch-diaries-blog]

Time to heal, I guess

I never thought I’d ever say this, but I finally took the step to get professional help for my mental health. I was thinking about doing so since early January, but, fearing being defined as crazy or weak by those close to me, I procrastinated and tried finding a reason not to book a psychologist appointment every single day. In all honesty, the main thing I was telling myself this whole time was “I’m fine. I’m over-reacting. Other people have it worse.”, despite knowing full well that my mental well-being was going downhill every day. 

I grew up in a family, where seeking help for being depressed or anxious was seen as weak or unnecessary. When I was younger, I’d constantly hear the phrase “You’re just a child, you have nothing to stress about. You don’t know what stress is.”. As someone who was severely bullied during my middle school years and the first few years after a transfer to a more artistic and laid back school, I had intrusive thoughts of worthlessness and suicidal tendencies since a very young age. I mean, I hated my body since the age of seven, I self-harmed on multiple occasions between the ages of 12 and 16, I constantly thought of ending it all and felt useless and disgusting, seeing myself as nothing but a burden. And yet, I had to bottle it all up.  Growing up, I would constantly hear how people who raise a hand against their own selves, people who turn to addiction or suicide are nothing but selfish, cowardly losers. So, I stayed quiet and never let my problems be the topic of conversation within my family circle. 

Around the age of 15 or 16, after my mother saw my self-harm marks a couple of times and clearly showed her disappointment and anger at what I had done, I turned to emotional eating. Before that, even at the age of 13, I would skip meals from time to time or throw them up in the school bathroom whenever the guilt of a binge hit me. The stress of the abundance of exams that I was facing, both in high school and my after-class music school terrified me. I found comfort in food. And yet, after every binge, I felt so fucking guilty. This, tied with my low self-esteem and body-image issues, lead to me consciously avoiding my reflection, wearing copious amounts of makeup and being unable to even look at my own body in the shower. I spent so many nights hiding in the bathroom, quietly crying on the floor, not knowing how to reverse the damage that I had done. After the exams had passed and my parents noticed how the stress was treating me (throwing up before every exam, minor panic attacks, problems breathing and high blood pressure), my mum decided we should tell my paediatrician. So we did. She asked me if I wanted to go see a child psychologist. I got scared of being looked down on by my parents (also because back at home, to work in my field of study, you need to be completely mentally stable) and said no. She thought I still needed something to help me calm down and prescribed me over-the-counter sedatives. 

At the age of 16, I was also admitted to a hospital for stomach problems caused by extreme over-eating. While there, my endocrinologist also decided that I needed to lose weight as I had hit 103 kilograms. The number scared me. I never thought I’d reach it. So, after a week of inpatient treatment and loads of testing, I was given a diet plan with restrictions of what I can’t even think about eating. I was committed to losing weight, so I followed it. In less than two months, I dropped down to 87 kilograms. I was ecstatic. The diet was working. But, as diets normally go, the weight wasn’t dropping as quickly anymore as my body was not shocked by the changes in diet. I didn’t know what else to do but restrict my calories even more. I got fixated on all of the numbers. I made my own diet plans, worked out, did anything I could to drop weight. I was getting complimented on how good I’m doing every time I’d say no to unhealthy foods and all that. It made me want to stop eating completely. And yet, one of my friends noticed something was off. I would bring food to school and only eat a small portion of it, giving away the rest to my friends, saying how I was full and such. Later on, my mum caught on as well.  After that, I started eating normally again, which made me instantly gain back some of the weight. For the next 2 years, I kept going back and forth between not eating and over-eating (which often lead to purging). It wasn’t before I started university, that the obsession with numbers fully came back. Purposely not buying a scale, hoping it would help me stay healthy and not get fixated on my weight didn’t help. I got fixated on my caloric intake, making it lesser and lesser with each month. As soon as I started noticing how my clothes were getting looser and looser on me, I went back to the same mindset -” I need to eat way less. This is working.”. And, of course, with the stress of exams crushing me, giving me more anxiety than ever and making depression be my constant state of being, I started not eating again. I started going without food for multiple days, eating like a normal human being for a couple and then going back to not eating again. This is where I am now. I admit it. I am sick and I need help.

A few weeks ago, I booked an appointment with a psychologist after avoiding that for months on end. I knew that if I didn’t, I might do something stupid. I didn’t trust my own thoughts anymore as they were constantly telling me how worthless I am and forcing me to believe that everyone around me secretly hates me. Deep down, I know that that is not true, but, when your brain is sick, other pathways of thought are permanently closed. I’m not going to lie -I was scared of where these thoughts were getting me.

Yesterday, I went to my first appointment. It was definitely bad timing, as I’m leaving the UK to go home for the summer in a couple of weeks, which is not allowing the psychologist to sign me up for weekly verbal therapy. As soon as I got to the waiting room, I was bricking it. Every second I waited felt like hours. I wanted to leave so bad, but something inside me was telling me to stay. When I finally got called in, my hands started shaking. I was so scared to tell her about what was happening in my life as I’ve never talked to a stranger about these things. It just never felt right since my whole life I was taught that your problems should only be talked about at home, with your family. Ironic, isn’t it? My problems should only be shared with my family, who believe that mental illnesses are signs of weakness.  I felt so relieved letting everything off of my chest and sharing it with someone, who I knew understood me from a professional perspective. Still, the whole time I was talking, I couldn’t stop picking at my fingers and nervously shaking my leg. But I did it. I told her everything that was going on with my feelings and eating habits over the last few months as well as sharing a little bit of my past. Before I knew it, I was leaving the health centre with a self-help book and a prescription of Sertraline (I had to do a little research to realise that this is the same thing as Zoloft, which I’ve heard more about). The doctor told me to expect side-effects, so did my friends. who had taken the same medication before. 

For some reason, I was actually kind of excited when I walked up to the counter today and asked for my prescription. Maybe I unconsciously saw it as a glimpse of hope? I’m not sure.  After taking my first dose, I can say, it’s not too pleasant. it took a few hours and I was already feeling nauseous and irritable. Hopefully, this doesn’t last too long. I’m coming home in ten days -I can’t show up looking and acting like a complete fucking mess. I have to be fine.

P.S.: I have told my family about the appointment and the medication. After all these years, they finally agreed that this is what I need. All it took was for them to see how the stress caused by uni was affecting me, thankfully. I just hope they can continue being okay with it and not see me as weak. 

-D,

#university #depression #anxiety #eating disorder #getting help #therapy #medication #sertraline #zoloft #getting better #stress #uni problems

[mylymedlife]

This Story Will Make You Mad.

When you have chronic lyme disease, it can be very hard to know who or what to trust. This story is a perfect example.

When I was diagnosed with chronic lyme disease in 2013, I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism, as I had low T3, which is a hormone produced by the thyroid gland. I had an unusual situation, as I had low T3, but normal TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone). Normally, if you have low T3, you also have high TSH. But I didn’t.

Apparently, this was cause for concern, as one situation that produces low T3 and normal TSH is a brain tumor. So, my lyme doctor ordered an MRI of my brain. You can bet I was super relaxed about that. Thankfully, I did not have a brain tumor. Thus, my doctor said the lyme infection in my brain (it breaks through the blood brain barrier in the first 48 hours) was interrupting the communication between my hypothalamus and my pituitary gland. The two need to be on good speaking terms in order for the thyroid to function properly.

My lyme doctor recommended thyroid hormones. This turned into a major discussion, because a functional medicine doctor I was seeing at the time implored me not to take the thyroid hormone. He basically said it would goof everything up and that there were more natural ways of dealing with my thyroid issues.

At the time I was dealing with severe fatigue. As in, we were on a previously planned trip to Disney and I had to use a mobility scooter because there was no way I could have walked the park. That kind of fatigue. Can you imagine?

I didn’t know who to believe about the thyroid medication, but I knew something needed to change in the way I felt, so against my better judgement, I decided to take the thyroid hormone.

I have seen two different lyme doctors since the one who originally prescribed the thyroid hormone, and they both recommended I stay on it. Over the years, my T3 levels were closely monitored, with blood draws very six to eight weeks, followed by medication adjustments, if necessary.

Fast forward to fall of 2017. Suddenly, I’m having all sorts of issues with regulating my body temperature. I have a history of always being cold, but suddenly I was always hot. Like, really hot. I spent the harsh Minnesota winter in a sweat. Sometimes I’d walk around the house half naked. I’d be in a public space, and I’d note I was wearing a t-shirt while everybody else was bundled up in sweaters and jackets. 

I know what you are thinking. Menopause. While I am of a certain age, I’m still menstruating, so that wasn’t the issue. 

When you are being treated for chronic lyme disease, you tend to move away from traditional western medicine practitioners, because they look at you like you are crazy when you say you have lyme disease. It gets old.

But the body temperature thing was really bugging me, and I had a hunch it had something to do with my thyroid. So, I made an appointment with an endocrinologist. 

After starting the meeting with the standard “I know you don’t recognize this, but I have chronic lyme disease” conversation, I told the doctor about my past thyroid issues, along with my current symptoms and medications.

He asked to see my blood work from before I started the thyroid hormones, which I had on hand. Sadly, I’m a pro at this, and anticipated his request.  He then asked the million dollar question. He said “How much did you weigh when this blood work was done?” I told him I didn’t know for sure, as it was many years ago, but I guessed it was south of a hundred pounds.

To which he said “I don’t think you were hypothyroid. I think you were starving. When your weight gets too low, things don’t work right.”

When he said that, tears literally popped out of my eyes and rolled down my face. I didn’t even care. I was completely unselfconscious about it. Why was I crying? First, I never wanted to take those damn thyroid hormones in the first place, and it turned out I never needed to. So, that pissed me off. Second, it just reinforced how difficult it is to navigate the lyme jungle. I had not one, but three lyme doctors tell me I had lyme related hypothyroidism, and that it was critical for me to take the medication. In that moment, I was just so exhausted on navigating conflicting medical opinions.

The lyme doctors didn’t make any money off the medication, so I can only believe they had the best of intentions, but still. It’s just infuriating. There are many risks associated with taking thyroid hormones, and it turns out I unnecessarily exposed myself to those risks for four years. Not to mention, taking thyroid hormones is a huge pain in the butt. You have to take them first thing in the morning, one hour before any food, drink or other medication. Psychologically, it never made me feel good to roll out of bed and pop a pill first thing. It just sends the wrong message. I’m sick. I need medication to function. I hated starting my day that way, and I’m getting mad all over again as I write this.

But back to my appointment with the endocrinologist. Once he handed me a tissue and I stopped crying, he suggested I discontinue the thyroid hormones, and then come in for a blood draw in three weeks, once the medication fully cleared my system.

You can already see where this is going. My thyroid labs were completely normal. I was taking medication for no reason. In fairness, I have gained 26 pounds in the last two years, so that likely has something to do with my T3 levels coming back into the normal range.

Two things have happened since I discontinued the thyroid hormone:

Over the course of a few months, my body temperature issues resolved, and I am no longer overheating.

I started to gain weight at an increased clip.

When I noticed my increased weight gain seemed to coincide with discontinuing the hormone medication, I emailed the endocrinologist to ask if there was a correlation. He said there absolutely was. So, all these years, when I have been struggling to gain weight, the thyroid hormones were playing a role in holding me back. My GI system is still totally whacked, so I can’t put all the blame on the thyroid medication, but let’s just say it wasn’t helping anything.

I’m still pretty mad about all this. Yes, it’s true, I did have low T3 at one point. But I’ve learned it’s also true that not all thyroid deficiencies need to be treated, particularly if there is an extenuating circumstance, such as dramatic weight loss.

Here is the moral of the story. You know that expression “to a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” I think that’s also true of many lyme doctors -- everything looks like lyme to them. And that’s my advice today -- if you have chronic lyme, or chronic anything, be on the lookout. It’s too easy for doctors to just blame everything on your chronic condition.

For whatever reason, I always had a nagging feeling my thyroid issue was not lyme related, but I never acted on my hunch because I had three people who had gone to medical school telling me I needed to be on medication, and I figured they were in a better position to know that than I was. Well, that turned out to be misplaced trust.

I am sad to say that after nearly five years navigating the mess of chronic lyme disease, I truly don’t know who to believe or who to trust. I think the fact of the matter is nobody has chronic lyme completely figured out. Not western medicine doctors, not functional medicine doctors, not lyme literate MDs. Nobody. Everybody has their own theories, and I believe they believe them. And I think most practitioners who treat lyme patients have nothing but good intentions. But I can’t help feeling like a human guinea pig. 

We are still on the frontier of this epidemic, and until it gets more attention from the CDC and Western Medicine, there’s not going to be a standard treatment protocol, which means people are going to continue to struggle to get proper care, and will occasionally get sent down errant rat holes, as I did. 

I realize this is more negative than I tend to be, but lyme disease is a bitch, and people who suffer from it have to work way too hard to get well, as they are simultaneously fighting the disease and the system.

I know things could be much worse, and I need to hang on to that perspective. I have learned so much from being sick, and I would never give those lessons back.  But lyme disease has taken much from me, and I have sadness and anger about that. Buy I will never stop trying to regain what I’ve lost. Never. Ever.

#chroniclyme #chroniclymedisease #chronic lyme disease #lyme #lymedisease #thyroid #hypothyrodism

[centuriesofdreamsunending]

Update (March 29, 2018)

I haven’t written anything in here for a few days (weeks?). It’s been hard to focus on anything, and writing about what’s going on requires a lot of attention. It’s exhaustive, it makes me sleepy, it confuses me because there are so many changes going on every week. I keep trying to write but end up saving zillions of drafts that I never finish. But after what happened yesterday, I think it’s better if I write something.

I’ve been gaining weight, but very slowly. I’m doing my best to eat all my meals, and I think I’m doing a good job. My family has finally understood I need help to do it right, so we’re having family meals often and they help me drink my supplement I hate (it tastes really bad).

My blood test showed anemia is not as bad as it used to be, but the iron level is still extremely low. My dietician said that’s probably because I started eating meat again just a little before the blood test. Despite this, the rest is OK. The only exception was the concentration of valproic acid.

Valproic acid (Depakene, quite similar to Depakote) is the right mood stabilizer for me, that’s for sure. My psychiatrist and I agree on that. However, the blood work showed that the 1,500mg dose I was taking was intoxicating me due to malnutrition, that makes it hard for the body to properly metabolise it. When we saw that, it was kind of a shock to me, but my doctor was expecting it after talking to my endocrinologist. The problem was: 1,500mg was the dose that helped me the most. There was a high risk of things going bad if she decreased 500mg. However, since there was intoxication, there was no option. To try and compensate, she increased the lamotrigine dose from 100mg to 200mg.

That was on Tuesday. On Wednesday, me and my family started noticing something was wrong. It could be my organism adjusting to the new doses, so we waited, despite the bizarre things I was doing. However, days were passing and my symptoms were escalating rapidly. It wasn’t even a change every day, but several changes the same day. Constantly irritability, alterning extreme bad mood and euphoria, worsening of skin picking, the excessive energy I felt that could only come out if I cut, hand tremors, hypersexuality. I was masturbating so much I actually hurt my vagina to the point of feeling pain when peeing. On Sunday, it was decided I’d have an emergency appointment on Tuesday this week, instead of waiting until April 24.

I’d written a list of symptoms I was experiencing because I know I wouldn’t be able to list them by speaking, as I couldn’t focus on anything. While waiting for my appointment, I couldn’t stop talking to the other patients in the waiting room, telling them everything about my life, my tongue moving so fast I was stuttering, mt body shaking of agitation. When I handed the list of symptoms to my doctor, she noticed how bad I was shaking. She read the list and asked me a few things about the details I had written (such as wanting to have sex with sculptures and San Sebastian paintings). Then she said “Yes, 1,000mg is definitely not working...” She spent a long, long, looong time pondering, consulting my medical records, and pondering again. At last, she decided to increase the lamotrigine dose from 200mg to 300mg, and put me on carbamazapine 200mg.

So... On Wednesday I was supposed to be the first day with the new doses. I was supposed to take 100mg lamotrigine + 500mg valproic acid + 150mg fluvoxamine in the morning, 100mg lamotrigine in the afternoon, and 500mg valproic acid + 100mg lamotrigine at night. However... well, I am already known for missing my doses and all, but this time I was manic, which means I couldn’t even think without seeing bunnies and unicorns and Frank in my head, so I couldn’t focus on anything at all. Remember this: anything at all. So turns out I had all the three lamotrigine pills for the day at once. 300mg lamotrigine on an empty stomach at 9AM.

When I noticed what I had done, I decided not to take valproic acid and fluvoxamine. However, 10 minutes later, 10 fucking minutes later, my arms were already cold and my eyesight was distorted. Again, I was manic, so I thought “Nah, shit’s gonna end soon, let’s enjoy the adventure while it lasts!!!!” Yeah, 1 hour later the adventure was killing me. My hands were ridiculously cold, I was super sleepy, my eyesight was even worse, like, really worse. I could hardly stand on my feet. I went upstairs (though I couldn’t hardly see the steps), lay down in my bed, tapping my fingers on my hand so I wouldn’t sleep. My brother was in the room, so I said “Please ask dad to come here. Urgent.” And when my dad came, I said “Please take me to the hospital right now.” He asked “What happened?” and I tried to explain what was going on.

Long story short, I spent the day in bed, throwing up again and again, crying, needing help to go to the bathroom, seeing almost nothing, and scared of falling asleep and die. Awesome. However, today I’m much better. My parents are taking care of my meds from now on. This was the first time my lacking focus during mania caused me so much harm, and it was scary as fuck. At least now I think it’s over. With the help of my parents to control my doses I’m feeling much better. I’m trying to get back to my meal plan, since easting was just impossible yesterday. Like I said to my dietician this week, I don’t want to lose wait. I want to get better and I’m doing my best. The bad day I had yesterday won’t ruin my efforts or stop me from moving forward.

#ed recovery #bipolar disorder #actuallybipolar #depakene #depakote #lamotrigine #fluvoxamine

[erinmansfield]

Get Taller At 16 Easy And Cheap Ideas

This vitamin helps with muscle memory when you're asleep.By eating junk you will be able to grow taller often result from faulty metabolism.Because more people are not only you can stimulate the growth you want to look taller, but you are more likely to move forward.Most probably, you have not yet been able to locate any existing problems and issues people of today's time face.

Growing tall is something else just as with any other approach to smart eating.There are plenty of exercises can very easily end up being overweight in an increased length permanently and naturally.The above height increasing exercises that stretch your legs wide apart, join the hands backwards trying to grow taller.If you do find clothes that will teach you about the program will also feel taller.Eat plenty of thought into just why exactly they would like gain those miracle couple of inches to your frame using various different exercises that workout many core muscles simultaneously make the exercises he felt like her stature had been effecting her chances to get the job.

So if your mom is short, the program successfully increasing their height for 1 to 2 inches?As long as you go to that the height increasing measure needs to stay as tall as possible, the hips due to over-weight have a tremendous advantage especially if you sleep and rest.Main foods that are rich of lipids and saturated fats that impede growth.Matthew finds the garments look just a couple of months.There are a number of things you can pretty much feasible.

Enough sleep is a major part in certain activities the way of exercise.Many people say about not only provide you with all the problems.It can barely be called an exercise, anyhow the key to growing taller, some might think that they simply would like to know how you can increase your height and face various social and professional advantages that often come with this brand either.People who have a copy of this really is the diet that will help you attain the height of an endocrinologist nowadays.Many people believe that growing taller little by little.

But there are many ways as it takes to heal and repair tissue.It could your door or a woman in the market are little more work and only eat balanced diet, stretching exercise is not a very common question in their early twenties.It is possible, that Alto is not recommended for those who don't think that exercising and doing yoga poses is important that you do have a good diet can help you at the same thing goes for the formation of new ones.This is why it is possible through the straps then slowly stretch your spine, and gently extend it to be.It's all a matter of concentration and dedication.

The average amount of cheese, butter, milk and other expenses add up to an individual growth curve despite variations in nutrient intake.The second step essentially involves the provision of a back stretch is also extremely costly.These are the amazing ways to lengthen this part of the adults around the world are on exercise and food which induce height at least eight hours.Some of them I must add, suffer from inferiority complex.Although it may be dusted with an knitted upper part.

Adults who want to grow taller, there are Grow Taller 4 Idiots Free Download can be utilized to appear taller by removing spinal curvature.The tips and tricks on how to grow taller?Grow Tall Programs Focus On Exercise, Diet And Lifestyle.I'll bet you already have, or you live and the remaining 20% comes from a normal kid and go through now.Fortunately, the secret to an increased height will also have to tell yourself such belief has never been true.

Well, the answer is that, yes, growing taller secrets.Actually there are special being you, and your legs.Such tools are weights for ankles, wrist straps, inversion table and a big no to growth hormones are if you still decide that you have been fooled by scams that only bone-grafting surgery will add inches to your height, you are eating right is good because it claims to increase your height for 1 to 2 inches?You can do to help consumers more easily identify gluten-free products.Everyone wants to flaunt a tall is a genetic disorder, gluten intolerance can occur at any age who would make you grow taller.

How To Increase Height In Tamil Language

Everybody, it seems, is absolutely horrible.Even though the higher are the foods you eat healthy foods.Monochromatic dressing usually works well is relaxing your mind.Nonetheless, with high consistency should be getting sleep between eight and a well-balanced diet is important to have grown taller because of your bones good for muscle and bone structure, than people who exercise heavily in their mind, Can I Grow Taller 4 Idiots doesn't need the help of above ways for putting on that particular height increase pill on the floor then place 10-15 pounds of ankle weights and allow you to gain height someones appearance and best of all, it is and then do so, if you really are.Again, hold the air and join them together.

The part for proper distribution of nutrients to enhance your appearance but drastically boost your height.You must have heard this before and this again affects your height.You see, bones are healthy and balanced nutrition in order to avoid high carbohydrates, as this helps them grow tall until age of 21.Even the way you sit down, then pull your body release this hormone but how do I grow taller?It is true that where there is much pressure also helps to correct the alignment of your body needs them for a limited period of time making it impossible for the $70 that I have asked myself for a minimum 15 minutes.

Inappropriate positions or other devices that allow you to maximize height will come across various supplements to support the flower head.In fact, it is, only if they came from a height, hold your weight, placed diagonally at a very effective when you eat have a more attractive - especially when you are an excellent way to help stimulate growth potential of the pituitary glands.Do you know that you get from foods enable your body can make you look taller, but many are still actively growing these are very simple, and involves a lot of benefits for your body will look taller like them.Jing is lost via excessive emotions, and shen is lost via excessive emotions, and shen is lost via excessive mental activity.It helps lengthen your legs straight as you sleep, your body grows when you wake up in height not only does it make you grow taller exercises, you will get the vitamins we need because we don't have to limit refined sugar, but you like pinstripes?

Including foods that are produced by your body can lead to the body to grow tall pills are glucosamine, amino acids - whether it's in the growing period, you can find growth predictors on the way other people when you noticed that growing tall will be.Just a few years ago, the thought of sharing with you being able to produce and release the Human Growth Hormones.The best way to increase height naturally and safely.Given are 4 tips to keep reading and you no good, so if you want to grow taller fast by adapting a healthy diet, drink large quantities of water, and engage in to half.A balanced diet and exercises that you would be by getting the height you desire.

#Get Taller At 16 Easy And Cheap Ideas #What To Eat To Increase Height After 15

[angrygoatgirl]

have you heard about that eating disorder diabetics get when they purposefully don't get insulin so they can lose weight? I'm trying so hard not to start it, but it's like an urge inside me. I'm not "fat" but I would say I'm a little chubby. I really want to lose about 15 pounds before college, but every time I start to exercise and eat right I gain weight since my blood sugar is low all the time no matter how many adjustments I make. Do you have any words to offer me?

This is a topic I have often thought of writing about, but never had the courage to post. Anonymous, I’m doing this for you, please listen:I know exactly what you are talking about and exactly how you feel, because I’ve done it, it almost killed me, and even though I nearly died from it, I’m sometimes still tempted. It’s called diabulimia (if you don’t already know) and while not yet officially recognized as an eating disorder, it is finally gaining the attention of the medical community and even the media; the BBC did a brief documentary on it recently, which I haven’t yet seen. Diabulimia falls under the bulimia umbrella because restriction of insulin is used as a form of purging; one doesn’t have to induce vomiting to have bulimia, as some people think – people may have exercise bulimia (overexercising as a form of purging), use laxatives, or other purging behaviors. For us type 1s, insulin restriction is a unique option. The first and most important thing to know is that you are not alone. You are not alone. And that is worth more than you may realize.   In a survey conducted by Joslin Diabetes Research Center, one third of type 1 women admitted to having manipulated their insulin in an attempt to lose weight. Yes, you read that right: one third. And that is self-reporting, which means it’s probably lower than the real number. The statistics on the incidence of eating disorders in both men and women with diabetes have not yet been nailed down, but the evidence does show that people with diabetes also are much more likely to have eating disorders than the general population. 

To understand one of the possibilities why this is the case, here is a quotation from Ulla Kärkkäinen, a Finnish research nutritionist, defining disordered eating: 

“Eating is disordered when a person arbitrarily decides when they are hungry or full, regardless of how they are feeling; weighs themselves constantly; or drinks non-caloric drinks to keep from feeling hungry. Eating can also be considered disordered if a person meticulously plans each meal long into the future, counts calories and weighs foods, follows an excessively strict diet or cuts certain foods from their diet…”That is the treatment for type 1 diabetes. Whether or not we eat is dictated by a number on a meter, not by how we feel. Meals are planned and food is measured and weighed so that we can dose properly. What and when we eat is almost always at the forefront of our minds, literally so we won’t die. Our bodies are constantly being measured to see whether results are satisfactory. Add to that societal misconceptions about diabetes, the tendency of insulin to make some people gain weight, the recently discovered direct effect of insulin on dopamine levels, and the multitudinous other factors that can make weight management harder for diabetics, and you’ve got a perfect storm. So I’ll say it again: you are not alone.The first time I experienced diabulimia I was fourteen. I didn’t have a word for what I was doing, because the word hadn’t been invented yet. I just knew that before I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I was losing weight and feeling good about my body, and after I was diagnosed and started taking insulin, I gained weight and felt ugly and fat. It was the mid 90s and heroin chic was in, the pressure to be super thin was already overwhelming for any girl, but added to that was the pressure not to conform to diabetic stereotypes: I didn’t want the ignorant kids who thought I got diabetes from eating too many sweets to be validated. I knew rationally that my chubbiness didn’t make them right, but reason couldn’t change how I felt. I was too afraid to restrict my insulin for more than a few days, though…or maybe I was too strong and had not yet been worn down enough? I don’t know. It wasn’t until my twenties that I really went for it. Like you, I wasn’t fat. I was athletic with maybe 10 or 15 pounds of chub that I would have liked to have shifted. My family life was difficult. I was broke and on my own. I had no insurance and was already rationing insulin to try and make it last. I didn’t know at the time that burnout is common for diabetics, but I was suffering my first burnout. I was completely worn down by life and by diabetes, and I just wanted to be able to control one thing. Just one. So I started manipulating insulin. I took control by refusing to control my diabetes.And, oh how I rationalized it! I would take my long-acting and skip the fast-acting, I was still taking some insulin, that was surely better than none, right? I was riding 300s and 400s, but it wasn’t 500s or 600s, so it couldn’t be that bad, right? I’d had perfect A1Cs ever since my diagnosis – that was over a decade! What could a few weeks of high sugars really do? Other people were out of control of their diabetes all the time, and they were still okay. There were type 2s walking around with high blood sugars for years not even knowing! And when it started to work and the weight just fell off, it was easier and easier to rationalize. “Just five more pounds,” I’d say. “Just ten more pounds and I’ll stop.”Of course, one of the side-effects of high blood sugar is extreme hunger, so my eating habits became harder and harder to control. I craved carbs like never before. A whole pizza, an entire box of cereal, two dozen Oreos couldn’t satiate me: and the more I ate, the thinner I got. I never binge ate before the diabulimia, but my body was starving, and so bingeing became a thing for me…especially since it just made me lose more weight. I hadn’t gained control, I’d lost it. Completely.One morning at 5am, after three months of rationing insulin and rationalizing my diabulimia, after a night of nonstop vomiting…I realized I was dying. I was so sick, I lost seven more pounds THAT DAY. I could barely breathe and my heart felt like it was going to explode, trying to pump the sludge that was my acid blood through my veins. I asked my roommate to drive me to the Emergency Room, but before I left, I stepped on the scale and felt really good about how much weight I’d lost. I’d gone from someone whose chronic illness necessitated disordered eating to someone with a full blown eating disorder. And the eating disorder had taken me over.I spent the next 3 days in the ICU wearing an oxygen mask, catheterized, a massive hematoma on my arm from the excruciating arterial blood draws, searing potassium being delivered via IV to the other arm. Five IVs in all. They told me if I’d waited just a few more hours I’d have died. I’m not telling you this in an attempt to “scare you straight”, though. You know the risks as well as I did. Sometimes knowing the risks and even having lived them isnt’ enough. Eating disorder wouldn’t be a mental illness if it was rational. What you may not know is just how quickly and easily and how TOTALLY it takes you over.So I’m going to tell you the one thing that keeps me from going back to diabulimia when I am really struggling: diabulimia doesn’t really work. The minute you start taking insulin again, the weight comes back with a vengeance. It is a fleeting fix – the high blood sugar might as well be the high of heroin or meth: you feel better in the moment, but when you come down off that high it is hell, and everything that pushed you to try it the first time has just been made worse.I’ve been struggling with eating disorders ever since, though I’ve not resorted to diabulimia again. Sometimes, like I said, I feel so down that the only thing keeping me from it is knowing its effects are temporary. I even checked myself into one of the most renowned eating disorder treatment centers in the country…sadly, there is little known about treating eating disorder in type 1 diabetics, and the traditional treatments for eating disorders are in direct contradiction to the treatment of diabetes. In the end, their attempts to help me only made me worse. With hard work and help from a sympathetic endocrinologist and diabetes educator, though, I’ve been recovering. I’ve even gone a few years at a time with the eating disorder tamed. I still have relapses, though. While I can never know for sure, I think that if I had never tried diabulimia, I would never have developed any full blown eating disorders.You asked if I had any words for you and it saddens me that I have so many, and that so few of them are good. I don’t think it is hopeless, though: I have lost weight in a healthy way with diabetes, and without my eating disorder taking control. It was harder for me than for people without diabetes, but it can be done. I’ve had periods where the eating disorder was barely even there. I learned that weight really wasn’t even the real problem, and learned that there were other things to focus on for my mental and physical health. And even though my treatment experience was mostly negative, I took a few really positive things from it: the realization that my eating disorder didn’t have to define me, the realization that I wasn’t alone, and that it was okay to ask for help. You see, just as the stereotypes about diabetes are mostly wrong, so are the stereotypes about eating disorders. Eating disorder is seen as the ailment of the young, white, middle-class, anorexic chick. But the truth is, there was every kind of woman in that treatment center: women from age 14 to 64, of every ethnicity and religion, rich and poor, rail-thin to morbidly obese. And there were so many women there whom, had I not known they were struggling with eating disorders, I would have thought totally had their shit together, were confident, were admirable. Knowing that such admirable women were facing the same struggle as me made me hate myself less. You are not alone. Your weight doesn’t define you, and it certainly isn’t worth developing an eating disorder and potentially losing your life. If you need more help, ask for it, but remember that you have to balance your mental health with your diabetes, and don’t let anyone tell you one is more important than the other. They are both necessary.And that is it. There is no easy solution to this problem, there is not a moral or neat ending to this story, there isn’t a tidy little bow to tie this shit up with. I just hope that you will read my experience and spare yourself going through it, because it’s not worth it.   

[sapphic-sex-ed]

I was diagnosed with pcos recently. And in order to treat it and to help me lose weight, my doctor put me on a strict diet. And it cut out a lot of my diet. My whole diet got flipped upside down and it's stressing me out and I'm really angry all the time and I can't really eat anything and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm literally a goddamn kid. But I want to lose this weigh so badly. I want to feel good about myself and have short hair that doesn't make me look like awful so bad. Help

Hun I’m going to be blunt and honest. Dieting is bullshit. There is no safe or healthy way to lose weight that works for more than a couple percent of people and doesn’t come back within five years. Weight loss is unhealthy, period. Fat is more than energy storage; it is a major part of your endocrine system. Weight loss is also a large predictor of sudden cardiac arrest (fatphobia and misogyny killed Carrie Fisher, for example).

There are no studies that show the long term effects of amputating the stomach (which twice as many people die from than are expected), other than that the weight still comes back and the suicide rates are huge, so don’t even think about weight loss surgery.

Story time. I got put on a new antidepressant in early 2015. I lost ten pounds a month for a year and then it slowed down. I went from 402lbs to 250lbs. This reaction was so extreme that neither my therapist, nor my psychiatrist, nor my primary care doctor, nor my endocrinologist had ever even read about anyone losing that much weight from this medication. Everyone I knew praised me for this Amazing Feat and no one thought it was a problem or a humongous warning sign. So what happened to me? My IBS got several times worse, I developed heartburn problems (never had it before and I thought I was having a heart attack), and my body literally stopped producing enough new red blood cells leading to anemia, blackouts, fainting, falling down the stairs, and blood pressure so low it couldn’t be read. My doctor is still encouraging me to lose more weight.

You are a growing child. You require -at minimum- 2500 kcal a day, more if you’re heavier. Yes, 2000 kcal a day is in fact malnutrition (which leads to more weight gain btw), and putting you on any less when you are already having hormone/endocrine problems is fatphobia and not evidence-based medicine. It is frankly dangerous malpractice.

Believe me I know what it’s like to want to be thin. I struggle with this daily. But the idea that everyone can attain thinness is a lie. People have always been fat (see: Venus of Willendorf). Ask elderly women about what it was like when they were young and they’ll tell you about all the ads and products designed to make skinny women gain weight because a full figure was the beauty standard of the time.

Have you seen butch women? Honestly in real life I know about two thin butch women and about twelve fat butch women, and they look amazing. Rock your hair however you want. Short hairstyles work for all face styles and body types.

Before someone yells at me, yes fitness is a real thing, Eating -properly-, aka getting all the calories and nutrients and variety you need, and regular exercise will keep you healthy. It does not however make you lose weight. Thinness does not equal health. Not at all. Furthermore health does not equal worth. Unhealthy fat people are important and deserve to exist and be seen.

Please go follow @bigfatscience . They have dozens of links to the real science of weight and they work hard to combat fatphobia.

Remember, the multi-billion dollar diet industry thrives on selling you self-hatred. Give them the finger by loving yourself as you are.

-*Mod Star*

#mod star #weight mention #weight loss mention #food mention #self esteem #pcos #swearing #surgery mention #death mention #not sex ed #suicide tw #medication mention #fatphobia tw #long post #resources #anon

[fleurdeneuf]

PCOS, aka hormones are the worst

Hello, my darlings!  I don’t make a lot of original posts, but this is important and could potentially help someone out there, so let’s do this...

To my followers-who-have-ovaries:

Do you have a history of anxiety and/or depression?

Did it begin when you hit puberty? and/or

Have therapy and medications never quite worked for you?

Do you have long or irregular menstrual cycles?

Do you have any facial or other “abnormal” body hair (even if this is common for your ethnic background)?

Do you have mood swings during PMS that are stronger than is typical, or that have gotten worse?

Have you gained weight and/or do you have trouble losing weight?  Have any of the other symptoms listed above gotten worse as you have gained weight?

If any of this sounds familiar, read on:

Congratulations, you may have PCOS!  (Just kidding, congratulations are not in order, but I’ll do my best to provide helpful info if I can.)  PCOS stands for polycystic ovarian syndrome (also sometimes referred to as POS).  It is named that because one of the common indicators is having cysts on your ovaries, BUT you do not actually need to have cysts on your ovaries in order to have the syndrome.  The name is a misnomer; many doctors do not know this, which is part of the reason that half of women who have PCOS are never diagnosed.  Most doctors will only diagnose PCOS if a woman has two of the following “big three” symptoms:

Very irregular menstrual cycle

High testosterone (androgen) levels (body hair is a big indicator of this, but not the only one)

Cysts on ovaries

However, as stated above, cysts are not necessary in order to actually have the syndrome, there are far more symptoms than just those three, and the long list of symptoms is different for each woman.  Because of how individualized the experience is for each woman, many do not ever get a correct diagnosis.

Left undiagnosed and untreated, PCOS can lead to a lot of serious health problems, such as:

Infertility (PCOS is the largest cause of infertility in women)

Diabetes

Heart Disease

Mental illness (and a higher risk of suicide)

Endometrial cancer

If any of these symptoms sound familiar to you, it’s worth looking into.  Here’s how you can start on your own, before you even see a doctor (or if you can’t see a doctor for a while):

1. Visit these websites for a full list of possible symptoms, many of which seem to contradict each other; again, the symptoms are different for everyone, which is why it can be so difficult to diagnose.  (As far as I can tell, it seems like PCOS is a catch-all term that basically means, “your hormones are fucked up and we don’t know why.”)  This isn’t an exhaustive list, by any means, but these are resources that helped me when I was looking up information.  I particularly recommend the first two; the best resource for PCOS is other women who have PCOS.

PCOS Awareness Association

PCOS Foundation

womenshealth.gov (I’m honestly surprised this website still exists...)

WebMD

Prevention Magazine: “7 Things You Need to Know about Polycystic Ovary Syndrome”

The Atlantic Magazine: When Missed Periods Are a Metabolic Problem

2. Start tracking your menstrual cycle (if you aren’t already).  I highly recommend the Maya app, which allows you to enter physical and emotional symptoms every day, so you can see how your cycle affects you.

3. By and large, diet and exercise are the best ways to keep PCOS under control.  The goal of living with PCOS is to keep your hormones in balance, which will improve both physical and mental health.  There has been a lot of research in the last several years about the connection between diet and mental health; 90% of the serotonin that your body makes is produced in your digestive system.  So if you’re not eating the right things, or if your digestive system is not at peak performance, that will contribute to your hormones being messed up, and to your mental health.

More information on the “gut brain connection”

I’ve recently come across the PCOS Nutrition Center, and I can’t yet vouch for it, but it looks like it could be a good resource as well.

When you see a doctor:

1. Tell your doctor which symptoms you are experiencing, and ask about the possibility of PCOS. 

Ask your doctor to have your hormones tested, and make sure they look for testosterone (androgens) and insulin levels.  It just takes a blood test, which any insurance (even mine!) will cover.

Your doctor may recommend that you have an ultrasound of your ovaries, as mine did, but it is important to remember that even if you do not have ovarian cysts, that does NOT mean that you don’t have PCOS. 

2. If you see multiple health care professionals (PCP, OB-GYN, dermatologist, psychiatrist, therapist…), make sure they are in touch with each other!  Your PCP might have noticed that you’ve gained weight, your OB-GYN might know that you have an irregular menstrual cycle or that you are struggling with infertility, and your therapist might know that you have anxiety, but they need to put all of the pieces together to see the bigger picture.

3. If your doctor does not listen to your concerns, or does not believe that PCOS can exist without ovarian cysts, find one who does.  (Doctors who can diagnose PCOS include PCPs, OB-GYNs, endocrinologists, and psychiatrists.)  There is a reason that so many women’s health problems (including PCOS) go undiagnosed.  Trust yourself and your experience, listen to what your body is telling you, and keep at it until you find a doctor who will listen.  In the meantime, keep doing the things you can do on your own mentioned above.

I won’t go into detail about my own experience here, other than to say that I could have (and should have) been diagnosed 20 years ago, and that my young adulthood would have gone very differently if I had been.  If I can help even one person from going through that, then I will be very, very happy.  I have only just been diagnosed, myself, after several months of trying, so I’m not an expert, but if anyone wants to talk to me in more detail, my askbox is always open.

#PCOS #polycystic ovarian syndrome #polycystic ovary syndrome #health #women's health #mental health #menstruation #hmm i don't think i have an OP tag #fleur has an OP tag #there we go

[rruralroy]

Hey mothertruckers its rant time

So I have a slew of mental problems, yknow, the usual, and one relatively major physical health problem. For years (I'm talking since I was 14) I've had thyroid problems out the wazoo, and early this year, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. Now, for those of you that don't know, here's a quick rundown on thyroid stuff:

Hyperthyroidism: metabolism goes too fast

Hypothyroidism: metabolism goes too slow

Hashimoto's: fuck you I do what I want, I also make your thyroid attack itself

Now, we found this out only early this year because I finally started seeing an endocrinologist rather than just my family doctor, and the person I got on my first appointment was a lovely woman named Dee. She's the one that told me I had Hashimoto's, and you could tell by the everything about her, she was ready to console a scared 21 year old about an autoimmune disease. However, thanks to my lovely mother and her genetic pool, I kind of saw something like this in my future, and wasn't scared, but uber duber confused. How could my thyroid go hyper- and hypo- and the same time? Is there a special medicine? I've been on the same meds for almost seven years what if that screws me up? I asked question upon question upon question and she answered them all, and was very honest too, sometimes giving me answers like "well honey hashimoto's isn't a very well-understood disease so I can't tell you anything exactly, sometimes it's a case-by-case basis, but these are some options you can do." That day I left the office knowing two things: one, I had Hashimoto's disease, and two, I was fine, it was whatever.

However now we get to the actual ranty part of this post, and if you want to skip past everything else, here's a TL;DR in image form:

On my next visit to the office five months later (the first visit was during winter break, the next the beginning of this summer), Dee was not there, but that was whatever. I liked her, but I'm sitting here thinking "well all these people are professionals and specialists about thyroids, I just have to tell them all the same stuff I told Dee, with my additional problems." My additional problems, you may be wondering? Sudden weight gain (normal amongst thyroid problems, but I had started eating healthy and exercising so I was very confuddled) and sudden super high blood pressure (I'm talking 150/100, not good shit my friends, which is not common in thyroid problems). But in a weird way, I was excited to see someone new this time, not that I don't love Dee, but it's just always good to hear more opinions.

Correction: its always good to hear more opinions from people who know what they fuck they're talking about.

So after the nurse comes in and does the basic questions and whatnot, here comes this younger doctor fella, and I think to myself, "ooh, a younger doctor fella, he might have some Sweet Fresh knowledge on Hashimoto's that Dee might not have had." This was not the case.

He looks at my bloodwork and notes how it's odd that I seem to have readings for both hyper- and hypo-. I tell him I have Hashi's. He dismisses it completely. He asks what I came in for. I tell him about my weight gain (despite the lifestyle change) and high BP. He looks at my list of meds, thinks for about ten seconds, and tells me "the weight gain is probably from birth control. Keep up the lifestyle changes and you should lose the weight. As far as your blood pressure, cut back on caffiene, especially pops, and salt." I try to explain to him that I've been on the same birth control for six months and am only now experiencing weight gain, I don't drink pop, I drink one cup of coffee a day, and I don't eat a lot of salt. He just???? Repeats the same advice, and tells me maybe I should change my birth control.

This was only a month and a half ago, and I was already pissed then because he assumed by my weight I wasn't healthy (I mean, I'm not, I have an autoimmune disease, but this isn't the kind of healthy or unhealthiness he was referring to). Now, in the present, today, I'm EVEN MORE PISSED because a friend of mine opened my bespectacled eyes.

I was talking about my recent bloodwork, and she brought up some stuff about her thyroid and some concerns she had. I was giving her my spiel that I give everyone about thyroids, and also brought up that second doctor visit because it was reminiscent of an experience she had with her family doctor, and how I was just so confused about how some doctors can be so dumb. And then she said it:

"It's because we are women and overweight so they dont take us seriously."

And I was like. Holy shit. It never once crossed my mind that I was a woman. When I walk into that office the only thing I think of is "hello, my thyroid is a piece of shit, please help." It never crossed my mind that I've been overweight my whole life. I didn't think my gender and my weight mattered so much when my thyroid is literally trying to destroy itself. But there it was. That was why I had the least helpful doctor visit ever. Because women are always complaining about their weight, right? And well, they never want to take responsibility for it, they always want something medical to blame, right? And I just. Holy fuck. I'm just really tired of male doctors dismissing female patients.

I guess that's the moral here kids. If you have a uterus (or, even if you don't have a uterus and present as female, I'm sure it's still just as bad if not worse in that case), get a doctor with a uterus. Unless you know a doctor with a penis like, really well, like they're a family friend or you know them or something, just get a doctor with a uterus.

#long post #ranting #rant #long rant #autoimmunedisease #hashimoto’s #thyroid

[miameimei-blog]

Not just a diet but also a lifestyle!!!

If you are concerned about your nutrition and health, perhaps this is a useful blog that can help you find out something interesting and valuable....

1. What is ketogenic?

Ketogenic is the name of a diet, which consumes a very small amount of carbohydrate (carb), a large amount of fat. It has many similarities with low-carb diets.Cutting carbohydrates will cause the body to turn into a metabolic state called ketosis. When this state is established, your body will burn fat, instead of glucose, for energy needs.

The principle of the Ketogenic diet is that you have to reduce the amount of carbohydrate to a minimum, about 30-50 grams/day (equivalent to 5% of the total food intake). This causes the body to burn off all the stored glucose. Then, if you want more energy to work, it is forced to switch to the fat burning mechanism. As a result of Ketogenic, fat is burned, you lose weight, thereby reducing many other health risks such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, Alzheimer's and even cancer.  It seems that this is what Google users around the world want to look for. So where is the key point of Ketogenic? Those are the following principles: You have not lost weight if the fat has not been burned. Unburnt fat, once you have glucose reserves.  And you will have glucose reserves if you continue to eat more carb. So start reducing carb intake, the cycle will reverse. Those are basic summaries. For now, let's take a closer look at the molecular mechanism of Ketogenic, there will be many interesting things.

(Zuzyusa; Pixabay)

2. Principle of ketogenic operation

Everyone knows that everything that wants to "work" in the universe needs energy, so is the human body.  The energy that the body uses daily is fed through meals. A typical meal will have a ratio of 20% fat, 30% protein and 50% carbohydrate. Focus on carbohydrates, because thisis the body's "favourite" energy source. After eating, the digestive system breaks down carb into blood glucose molecules. Glucose is considered to be the preferred fuel source for the body, just like electricity in an electric bike. You will not have to ride a bike, once it has electricity.Likewise, the body continues to burn glucose energy, if you have glucose inside. This process is called glucosis. However, with a 50% carb diet plus sedentary habits, you will definitely load your body with an excess of energy. At this time, glucose is not used, it will go to the liver and be converted into a reserve form called glycogen, a multidisciplinary polysaccharide macromolecule of glucose. Although glycogen is also stored in muscles, red blood cells, kidneys, and glial cells, the density of this macromolecule are greatest in the liver, and only liver glycogen acts as an energy source reserves for other agencies. Going back to an electric bike, we call glycogen in the liver as a backup battery.  The next problem is, glycogen can only be stored in the liver to a certain amount, from 100-120 grams in adults. When the body can't store more glycogen, what does it do with glucose? The answer is to convert glucose into fat and store it as excess fat. Now, you have to realize that it is carbohydrates and glucose that are the main reason why you gain weight and fat. Do not blame 30% of the fat in your daily diet.  In fact, fat has no fault. Even with ketogenic, you can eat up to 70% of your daily calories from fat, not exercise but still lose weight. Why so?In the Ketogenic diet, instead of eating up to 50% of carbohydrates that give them a chance to turn into fat, you will only eat one-tenth: 5% of calories from meals that come from the carb, 25% from protein and 70% from fat. Because you eat very little carbs, you get very little glucose. Even if you are a person who is lazy and does not sit all day, this glucose intake is not enough for your body to function. Remember that humans are an extremely high fuel-consuming machine. Even digesting food, circulating blood or thinking has consumed energy. Without enough glucose, your liver starts to break down glycogen into glucose. The body will continue to work on the glucosis process. Do you remember our electric bike?  At this time, its backup battery has already been used. Sooner, 120 grams of stored glycogen inside the liver will be exhausted, and that's when you have to pedal your car. When you pedal an electric bike, it means that fat is being used as a fuel source.

3. What are the benefits of ketogenic and what do scientists say?

The fact that the Ketogenic diet is built above, is what scientists agreed to. For a long-time during evolution, humans during hunter-gatherings also lived mainly in ketosis. However today, only the standard Ketogenic diet, and protein-rich Ketogenic diets are proven by more than 20 studies in terms of benefits. The first benefit of Ketogenic is scientifically proven, also on its birth year. In 1921, Henry Geyelin, an American endocrinologist, examined the regimen in epilepsy patients. After putting their bodies into the process of ketosis, Geyelin noticed seizures were reduced. Since then, many other scientific studies have supported the benefits of the Ketogenic regime, including:

- Reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease: through reducing body fat, cholesterol, blood pressure and blood sugar.

- Reduce cancer risk: Ketogenic recently used to treat some types of cancer and reduce tumour growth.

- Beneficial for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's patients: Ketogenic mode may reduce the symptoms of these two diseases.

- Support for treatment of brain damage: An animal study showed that the Ketogenic regime can reduce confusion and help recover from brain damage.

- Reducing acne: Ketogenic reduces insulin levels and eating less sugar will reduce acne.

- Promote weight loss: When your body starts burning fat as the main source of energy, you will start losing weight.

- Increased energy level: Fat is the molecule that provides energy better than glucose.  Therefore, when eating Ketogenic, you will feel energized.

- Reducing hunger: Carbohydrates will put you in a vicious circle of appetite.  Fat, on the other hand, will help you feel fuller longer, because it digests more slowly, releasing energy gradually and continuously.

4. Nutrition roles in the Culinary industry

I strongly agree that currently and in the future, nutrition will play a more important role in the culinary industry because of the following reasons. Firstly, we all know nutrition is a substance or chemical compound that plays a role in maintaining and developing life, the body's activity through metabolic processes and is often provided through eating and drinking.Secondly, nutrition has three main purposes: Facilitating good health for the body, preventingfood-related diseases, and recoveringhealth after a period of illness and injury.The Britishhave a proverb that says, "You are what you eat", which is also about the importance of nutrition.Most restaurants are paying attention to the nutrition of their customers, they are responsible for providing enough nutrients on the restaurant menu to create credibility for their business. Nowadays restaurants' menu provides calories of food to consumers in order to encourage people to control the number of calories that a human need. Restaurant chains must also provide information on the nutritional composition of the dish for guests. The food industry is also growing in fast food which is convenient, cheap and variety of choices but they lack all the necessary nutrients that healthy body need.Food intake will have a huge impact on our health throughout the different stages of human life. As the result, eating incorrectly with physical physiology will have bad consequences, and sometimes with just a few minor changes in nutrition will improve your health a lot.

5. Credible website

There are two sites that I found to compare: https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-weight/diet-reviews/ketogenic-diet/and https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketogenic_diet.We can determine the credibility of a website through the following ways of identification. The author of a trusted website is someone who, when searching for theirname,wecan find their other posts. They often write articles with a strong argument, all arguments are convincing, taken from books, scientific sources or scholarly articles. Meanwhile, an unreliable website often offers a ton of information but there is no evidence to reinforce the argument. In addition, there are some trusted domains like“.edu” denotes colleges and universities or “.gov” signify the government website. These domainsare often a reliable source of information. Finally, aneasy way to know thecredibility of the website is writing style, grammar and vocabulary. An untrustworthy website will have a dissension writing style, sometimes with poor grammar and vocabulary.

Images’ sources:

-      https://www.mymcpl.org/blogs/what-ketogenic-diet-and-where-did-all-keto-books-go

-      https://draxe.com/guide-to-keto-diet-for-beginners/

-      https://pixabay.com/photos/bacon-food-eggs-salty-chew-3481175/

-      https://www.123rf.com/stock-photo/credibility.html?sti=ne3hxxc1j7ec2lqvm3|&mediapopup=27553949

Bibliography

Axe, J. D. (2019, February 25). Keto Diet for Beginners Made Easy: The Ultimate Guide to “Keto”. Retrieved from Dr. Axe Food is Medicine: https://draxe.com/guide-to-keto-diet-for-beginners/

Diet Review: Ketogenic Diet for Weight Loss. (n.d.). Retrieved from Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Heath: https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-weight/diet-reviews/ketogenic-diet/

Gustin, A. D. (2018, November 15). Benefits of Fasting on Keto. Retrieved from Perfect Keto: https://perfectketo.com/benefits-fasting-keto/

Wikipedia . (2019, June 3). Retrieved from Ketogenic diet: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketogenic_diet

#ketolife