#I studied marketing in school because I HAD to go to college and it seemed like the easiest degree

[misseviehyde]

INSTITUTIONALIZED

Michael was smart - real smart. But he also knew that he lived in a society full of institutionalized racism that made it harder for a black kid like him to make it in the white world.

He wanted to go to University, but he knew he would be competing against a lot of spoiled white kids and his family didn't have enough money to support him through even the cheapest college.

True he could skip college and get straight to work but he didn't want to end up like his Uncle Luther who was a petty criminal and a bad role model.  Just this morning Luther had woken Michael up and demanded he hide a cache of guns in the house.  Michael was afraid of his uncle so he had obeyed.

It was whilst he was looking through the guns, wondering what he had gotten into and where to put them where his Mom wouldn't find them, that he came across a weird looking blaster.  It looked more like something from a science fiction film than a real gun so he found a serial number on the base and googled it on a black market page.

The info read - "The Costume gun. Stolen hi-tech weapon. Turns anyone fired at into an empty skin that can be worn to allow a person to adopt their identity. Highly dangerous experimental weapon. Can cause identity dysmorphia."

Michael was astonished. He checked a bit further and soon became convinced this was the real deal.  A gun that could let him take another persons identity was now in his possession.  A lot of things began to click in his mind. What if he used the gun to steal the life of a rich, privileged white person about to go to college?

It seemed evil to steal another life, but Michael was sick of being denied opportunities because of systematic racism. He could zap some dumb frat boy - study at university and then one day reverse the effect perhaps. He could work it out as he went along - he just knew he needed to get out of this life.

But where was he gonna find a frat boy?

He put the gun in his bag and went out for a walk to think it over.

It was whilst he was walking down an empty street that he saw Madison Laine - the richest bitch in the neighbourhood approaching. She was walking and talking on her mobile phone to her slutty friends whilst chewing gum. Her tight outfit left very little to the imagination - a tiny pair of daisy dukes and a tight pink boob tube.

She was the same age as Michael but they were definitely not in the same social circles. Madison went to an exclusive private school and her Daddy was a multi-millionaire oil magnate.  She was spoiled, beautiful and rich and already had a place at an Ivy League University.  He had read about her online - she was already a semi-famous instagrammer and aspiring model. Everyone in the area lusted after her in one way or another.

She was also a total bitch and as Michael approached the look of total disdain in her eyes made something in him snap. She giggled and a sneer appeared on her pretty lips. "Oh my gosh girls, I thought all black guys were fucking hot - but I just saw this TOTAL fucking nerd. What a LOSER."

Madison had quite the taste for black guys. She apparantly only fucked black cock and could be found out in the clubs cheating on her white boyfriend nearly every night. That would have turned a lot of black guys on - a perfect blonde snow bunny ready to give herself to superior men.

But Michael was sick of privileged sluts like this one treating black guys like they were either nothing, or simply big dicks to fetishize over. He walked past Madison in barely contained fury and she caught his expression and scowled.

"Hey you... you fucking nerd. How dare you like look at me like that. I'm your fucking superior and you better fucking show it."

Michael ground his teeth. "You're not my superior, you're just an over-privileged white girl that thinks she deserves all her Daddy's blood money."

"Hold on girls, I just need to deal with something," grinned Madison as she hung up. Advancing on Michael she jabbed him hard in the chest with a long acyrillic nail and giggled as he yelped in pain. "Haha, listen dork. All I have to do is make one call to the cops. 'Ohhhhh, help me help me.' Who knows what those racist fucks will do when they see me, the scared innocent white girl being pestered by you."

"You fucking bitch," snapped Michael and suddenly the gun was in his hands.

"What the fuck is that? A toy? Ohhhh this gets even better. They'll probably shoot you when they see you're 'armed'." Laughing Madison began to dial 911.

With a gasp of panic Michael pulled the trigger.

The gun whined and a pink ray leapt out and engulfed Madison. Her face turned suprised, then the beautiful slut moaned softly as her body deflated and in an instant she was just an empty skin lying on the pavement with a discarded handbag and phone next to it.

Michael felt a cold moment of panic - what the hell had he done that for?

He immediately considered flipping the reverse switch and transforming her back - but he knew full well Madison would call the cops. She wouldn't be grateful for him reversing the rays effects.

In a panic he reached down and gathered the skin. It was impossibly soft and her skin smelt amazing. Her hair was even nicer to touch and still felt warm. He stuffed the skin and all the skimpy clothes into his bag and ran home.

On the way, Michael imagined what would happen if a cop stopped him and searched him. How would he explain this situation. He felt more anger than ever.

Safe back home Michael laid Madison and her things on his bed. What was he going to do? If Madison didn't turn up, her bitchy friends and family would stop at nothing to track her down. They'd easily track her back to him and he'd be screwed. If he turned her back, she'd just call the cops on him. He had no choice... he was going to have to become Madison.

A shameful part of him was excited at the idea as he examined the tiny skin and all her girly clothes.

Michael stripped off and then picking up Madison, examined how to wear her. There was a slit down the back of the suit - so he opened it and slowly pushed his feet inside. The skin was soft and warm and his feet slid easily inside. It felt like the skin was eagerly welcoming him inside and clinging to him possessively.

It looked weird as his feet and legs slid in and Madison's skin overrode his. Not only were his legs now perfectly smooth and sexy - they were white. His feet were tiny now. Somehow the skin was making him smaller, fitting him inside. He wiggled his toes and gasped to see the ten perfectly pedicured toes wriggle with their white nails and toe rings.

"Hmmmm this feels pretty good," groaned Michael as he pulled the skin up to his waist. He thrust his cock deep inside the groin of the skin and snapped Madison's taut buttocks over his own. His cock tingled and then sensation vanished, instead replaced by Madison's pampered pink pussy - freshly waxed and shaven.

"Holy fuck I have a pussy now,"  grinned Michael sliding his fingers in and gasping as he felt them slide deep into his own velvety softness.  This was the real deal - the skin was reallt making him into a girl.

He quickly pulled the rest of it up, tugging Madison's big heavy boobs into place. They felt amazing on his body and it was weird to look down and see them hanging there - but also kind of nice. Each one was full and round. Rubbing the nipples felt good.

His whole body was tiny and curvy now. Entirely hairless. A bellybutton ring twinkled in his toned abdomen and washboard tummy.

His arms were now slender and lightly tanned, the fingers ending in slutty acryllic nails and ornamented with rings.

Only one thing was left to do.

With a tingle of excitement Michael slid his head inside Madison's beautiful face and shivered as he felt the slot on the back seal up and the suit tighten.

Blonde hair fastened to his scalp and his eyes rolled up as his voice box changed and he moaned in feminine pleasure as the suit completed transforming him into Madison.

A hot flush ran through him and his head tingled. A host of unfamiliar memories throbbed in his mind and he realised he was gaining all of Madison's knowledge and memories along with enough of her personality and mannerisms to pass safely as her. 

You naughty boy... how does it feel inside me. Good huh?

A voice seemed to whisper in Michael's head telling him he was someone else now. Someone better.

Yesssss Michael. You're a naughty white girl now - you're a slut and a bitch. Your Daddy is rich and you can be a spoiled little whore, every single day. This is what you wanted all along. You're Madison now!

Turning to the mirror the new Madison; giggled as she saw her reflection. A pretty bitch used to getting what she wanted, when she wanted it. It felt good to be Madison.

"Ohhhh fuck I feel like sooooo fucking naughty, mmmmmh I am sooooo hawt now." 

Michael smirked at how big his white titties were and how sexy his manicured nails felt. It was amazing to be this beautiful.

Yessss that's it. You're me now loser. You love being me.  Your mind is becoming my mind. Our thoughts and desires are as one. You are inside me and you never want to leave.

Muchael purred as he accepted these strange new thoughts. Whilst in the skin it was so easy to think, act and feel like a naughty bitch.  All thoughts of taking the skin off were burned away by Madison's intrinsic narcissism. Why would anyone NOT want to be her?

Michael knew inside he was still Michael; but right now Michael was enjoying being Madison too much to care. Taking control of Madison's white privilege was making him feel dizzy.

Eughhhh I have to get out of this dump and back to my mansion. I totally have plans to make and college is going to be so much fun now I'm an Alpha bitch.

Picking up Madison's phone Michael laughed delightedly as it unlocked via face recognition. Her life was his. He WAS Madison. He hadn't meant to use the gun on her, but he had and it was too late now.

"Yessss, as Madison I can have it all. I deserve to be the pampered spoiled brat who gets what she wants. Being a mean, white, brat is gonna be so much fun. No wait... what am I saying? I hate girls like Madison."

That's why you wanna be me so badly dweeb. You lust to have my white privilege and get it all. You can't fight me Michael, you're already under my control. Give yourself to me and take your place as the new Madison.

Lying on his bed Michael began to helplessly play with his new body. He was being overwhelmed by Madison's bratty personality, he was becoming her.

You are ME loser.

Michael/Madison opened her eyes and giggled. Of course she was her. Who else would she be?

Her personality now in flux she was about to play with herself some more when she suddenly heard a creak downstairs and her heart skipped a beat. Who the fuck could that be?

The answer came as the door opened and Luther suddenly walked in. He was back to collect his guns, but he gawped and looked amazed as he beheld the gorgeous white girl in his dweeby nephews room. "Hey gorgeous who the fuck are you?"

Michael was usually scared of Luther but now he was Madison, he felt different. In fact Madison felt turned on by this situation. She had never noticed how big and strong Luther was.  She bet he had a big dick too.

"Ohhhh hey, you must be Luther.  I'm Michael's friend from school Madison. In fact we're like actually we're fuck buddies. Mmmmh you see, I can't get enough of black guys you see - I love a big black cock, it's what I live for. Michael is totally average but he's still superior to some white loser."

Michael was amazed at the slutty trash coming out of his mouth - but the Madison part of him was just turned on by it. She felt her pussy get wet as Luther looked at her appraisingly and he unzipped his fly slowly.

"You little white slut - you think my nerdy Nephew is a good fuck, you should come suck on a real mans cock."

"Mmmmh like ummm okay," giggled Madison without hesitation as Luther's massive black dick flopped out and she hungrily advanced.

Michael found his mouth salivating. He couldn't control himself. He was a horny white size queen now and he needed big cock. He couldn't control his new body as Madison's instincts took control.

Meanwhile Luther groaned happily as Madison lowered herself to her knees and slid her hot wet mouth around his dick.

He had no idea his dweeby Nephew had such great taste.

Licking and stroking Luther's cock - worshiping it in delight - Madison giggled as it got bigger and bigger for her. She knew this was twisted and wrong - potentially incestuous even if Luther was a distant 'uncle', but in this skin she wasn't Luther's Nephew anymore - she was a spoiled size queen who loved a big black dick and Luther was all hers. The sense of power - of knowing Luther wanted and needed her mouth and pussy so bad was intoxicating.

Madison got to work sucking and slurping on the monster cock before her.  She had memories of sucking lots of cock - but this was actually the biggest she had ever had and of course in reality - for Michael this was his first. The skin gave him the muscle memory and skills of a practiced college cheerleader - Madison had learned to suck cock years ago and she loved to swallow cum.

Luther moaned in pleasure. This bitch was amazing. "Yesssss that's it baby. White sluts like you live to suck black dick. Work that tongue baby, suck it real good."

Yesss Michael. You really wanna know how it feels to be a slut and be me, hurry up and get that cock inside you. This monster is all yours and it's going to feel so good stretching your tight young pussy out. You're such a bad girl and you love it. At college there will be even more cock to ride. I know you can't wait. You're Madison now so enjoy it!

"Yessss I love being Madison, oooohbh I need you to fuck me Luther - I want your cock so bad," whined Madison as she finished slurping and looked at him endearingly. The voice in her head made her want to do such deliciously nasty things. "Please fuck my pussy." 

Luther bent Madison over and slapped her ass hard. She moaned and pushed her back up - presenting her tight pussy to her lover as he growled in appreciation and slowly pushed his massive cock inside Madison's super tight teenage pussy

"Ohhhhh fuck yes -  ohhhh its so big!" moaned Madison in joy as Luther began to slide in and out of her soaking pussy and thrust harder and harder into her.  It felt so good and her huge tits jiggled as he fucked the shit out of her.

Being a white slut feels good doesn't it?  You love being me.

Luther pounded Madison and she squealed as she orgasmed over his dick. Then he picked her up and fucked her even deeper till she came again.

Madison's pussy juices were dripping down lubricating his cock and making him slide so deep into her perfect pussy and fucking her felt so good. Luther couldn't take much more of this insatiable slut. She was a sex machine.

"Shit baby - I'm gonna cum," he grunted.

"Yessss do it all over my face; I want all that cum,"  begged Madison. Luther was happy to oblige and she squealed in delight as he unloaded all over her pretty face. Thick globs of warm cum erupted over her lips and her chin, dripping down onto her large firm tits.

With cum dripping over his outer body and making him feel like such a delicious whore - inside the skin Michael had accepted that this was his new life now. 

Being Madison felt amazing. The devious slut wondered whether there was even a way to make Luther appear responsible for Michael's inevitable disappearance in a few days.  Maybe she could engineer something after all she had Luther hooked now. 

"Damn girl that pussy is fine. Are you in town all summer?"

"Yeah; till I go to college. We can fuck again if you like baby?"

Luther grinned. He was all for more but he had no idea the horny slut in front of him was already planning to make it look like he killed Michael in a fit of jealousy and her Daddy's lawyers would make mincemeat out of this idiot and keep the story out of the papers. Money and white privillege always won in the end.

"Ooohhh and in the meantime we can fuck that big dick and cum all night.  Hehe we're so bad."

Michael had become exactly the sort of white privileged manipulative bitch he had always despised. As Madison he would go to University, join a sorority ride a lot of dick and party. It was gonna be fun.  Michael was now Madison and he had definitely been institutionalized.

She was gonna use the system to get what she wanted and spend her days filled with big black dick. Fetish or no fetish she was an evil blonde whore and college was going to be a blast.

THE END

#evie hyde #bitchification #m2f transformation #corruption #skinsuit #skin

[ryuichirou]

If the twst boys go to a regular, non magic college in our world, what do you think their majors would be?

This is an interesting question, Anon, and it was surprisingly difficult to come up with majors for some of them. I’m not sure some of the boys would even be interested in getting higher education, and also spoiler alert we have a lot of business people out there lol But I tried to make it as interesting as I could.

I’ll also note that it’s a bit difficult to speak about this in English, because I don’t know what certain majors are called and what kind of options there are, so I’m sorry if I name some of these incorrectly.  

Riddle – this one is easy, he would go to medschool! This is what his mother and father want for him after all. But he wanted to study law…

Ace – something that he isn’t very interested in, something that’s like “I guess that’d be a good major to build a career in the future”. He is the type that either drops out or pushes through despite being super disinterested in his major and kind of annoyed by the whole thing. Business? PR? Management? Something that sounds impressive but that’s about it.

Deuce – honestly I can’t see him as anything other than a police school student. He wants to get a good education, but if there is an opportunity for him to go straight to action and prove himself to be a better person, he’ll dive right into it. Maybe Ace will join him?..

Trey – culinary school is an easy answer, but Trey really seems to love this field, so he’d probably study to become a pastry chef. Well, he would become one either way, but Trey would probably try to learn as many traditional and innovative techniques as he can to actually improve.

Cater –  I’d say PR, he just has the vibes of a PR student. I’ve seen those lol Cater isn’t really passionate about it, but hey, it’s a good place to make connections. Also!! Maybe journalism. Yeah, that makes more sense.

Leona – Public Administration or anything Politics related. He would do better as a Philosophy/History major, but he would go with the default option for his family.

Ruggie – he would google best majors for a lucrative career lol So maybe some kind of Business/Management, but also anything Tech related is super lucrative, so he might at least try to apply there. But also also, nursing is apparently on the list of good major options in that sense, so he might actually try that. To be a private nurse for some rich old fart seems like an easy deal for him.

Jack – I’m sorry, I can’t think of anything other than him being a skiing instructor, and I don’t think one needs to have a major for that career path… is there some crucial part of Jack lore that I’m missing?

Azul – oh, Business/Marketing. Specifically something related to owning and running a restaurant or a hotel. But at the same time he could also study Law and even go to the Culinary school… Azul is absolutely going to take all the extra courses that he possibly can.

Jade and Floyd – probably Business as well, both because they could hang out with Azul and because their pops actually wanted them to study there. But if they had full freedom to pick whatever major they want, Jade would probably either study Botany or Pharma. And Floyd would pick his major randomly, because he’d be equally good/bad at anything he picks, and he’d get bored by it in a week anyway lol

Kalim – also Business??? Since his family is a merchant family, there are a lot of things Kalim needs to learn. But he would rather study something that’s more easy and fun… something related to art!

Jamil – realistically, either Business or PR. But that’s too many business PR people woah, so ehhh I guess… you know what? Psychology. I can’t even explain this one, but Jamil would absolutely benefit from studying it + I think it would actually be interesting for him.

Vil – acting/film/theatre school sounds like a given, but I feel like Vil would avoid those for some reason (and if you asked him, he would give you a rant about his reasons); so instead it’s going to be either a Fashion major or anything Chemical Engineering/Pharma related. He wants to get better at his craft, but he also wants to learn new things.

Rook – this guy is full of surprises, he could go anywhere and succeed, he’s perfect in arts and in science. I feel like he would pick science though, so any kind of Science major, maybe also Chemical Engineering. But also? A part of me wants to make him a Sociologist because he is hella nosy like all the sociologists are (me included).

Epel – this one puzzles me… if you think about it logically, he might pick something that could be useful for his family, but then we’re entering the Business territory again and it’s way too crowded lol  Plus, I don’t think Epel would go for that one. I actually… have no idea?? Wow this is embarrassing… He’d go for something totally masculine though, like being a carpenter, but for some reason would end up in stuff like fashion without realising how hard it actually is lol 

Idia and Ortho – easy, IT or any other tech-related major. But they would also probably be too good for school, because Idia is a genius and Ortho learned from him (if he isn’t a robot in this universe…). That being said, Idia would probably finish a 6 years course in like half a year and get his degree almost instantly, and Ortho could drop out at some point and switch to the Film major instead. 

Lilia – my first thought is that “he wouldn’t go to school”, but actually? He could spend a couple of years studying anthropology, I feel like it would be a fascinating field to him, and not as upsetting as history.

Silver – whatever father picks for him. But also probably nursing and no it’s not related to the previous reply that we’ve just posted 😭 I just think Silver would be legitimately good at it.

Sebek – this one goes straight to the military school lol But if I have to pick a major for him, let’s go with Communications just because he has to learn some, please Sebek!

Malleus – I think he would either study fine arts/history of art or something vague like philosophy or any type of social studies. He is better at grasping concepts than understanding other human beings, so it might actually be interesting to him. Or he could go the history of art major route and just stare at gargoyles for 4-6 years.

#replies #headcanons

[inconsistentwriting]

In between breaths

Notes: This was written with my OC in mind, but I tried to keep it as neutral as possible. GN! Reader x SingleDad! Ghost. “Mom” used as a role, not a gender thing. Kinda rushed end because Writer's Block was about to hit me. I put SMYL's "You knew it was me" EP and let my mind go wild.

I had met Simon Riley when we were children. A fateful Christmas, I had traveled with my family to enjoy the holidays in my uncle’s place. I was 12 years old, and it was my first Christmas knowing Santa wasn’t real. In hindsight, I’m glad I knew. If I hadn’t maybe Simon and I wouldn’t have become as close as we did. Midnight had arrives and the fireworks were roaring. I stood in the middle of the field behind my uncle’s yard until I saw a boy standing not too far. He was watching the fireworks, but he had a sad expression on his face. I decided to approach him to ask him why he was sad. That boy, I later learned, was named Simon and he was 8 years old. He explained to me that Santa hadn’t arrived in his home. I’ll never get over what I did, I can’t even remember how exactly it happened, but I put on a face, as if I was deep in thought. After a second I raised a finger, declaring: “Santa didn’t forget about you, he just got confused with the address. I was wondering whose the extra presents under my tree were for. Wait right here, I’ll go bring them for you”. I’ll never stop being grateful to my quick-wit. A teddy bear and a football, part of my presents which I just gave up for the younger boy to have. A teddy bear and a football changed the entire trajectory of my life.

Now, I’m 26 years old and I am in college, studying medicine. Simon and I remained friends throughout of childhood and teenage years. For more than a decade, we were there for each other. I helped him deal with his pain in a healthier way, to open up, even if only a little. We were very close until I had to move away for college. Now it’s been three years since we last saw each other. My studies kept me away for too long and my mental health was begging me for a break, so I decided to spend the summer back at home, and maybe, just maybe, see Simon once again. I wondered how he must have been all these years. He would be 22, and a half, as he always felt the need to remark. I wondered if he had found a partner, a job, something to study. What had been of him all these years?

Whatever I had hoped to find surely wasn’t anything like the scene before me. After arriving to our town, I saw Simon’s mom running errands in the market, pushing a baby stroller. I approached to say hello and catch up, and she introduced me to the little boy on the stroller. His name was Ken, and he was Simon’s son. The little boy was holding the same teddy bear I had given Simon 14 years before. I guess my shock must have been very apparent because she rushed to explain. Turns out, during a one night stand, Simon’s protection broke, resulting in the sleeping toddler on the carriage. She explained that his mother didn’t want to be involved in his life, so she left, and that Simon had been raising him on his own. Simon’s mom helped whenever she could, but with her other son in rehab, it had become very hard for her. The story broke my heart, not only because of the idea of his mother abandoning the little ray of sun that slept peacefully in his stroller, but the idea of Simon, who I know had no idea of how to be a father, doing it all on his own.

The moment I could finally catch Simon and speak with him, it seemed as if those three years apart meant nothing, as if no time had passed between us. I asked why he never told me, why he never asked me for help. He said the obvious excuse, “You were busy with school”, “I didn’t want to worry you”, etc. He introduced me to Ken and I decided to take a semester off to help him a little with the day to day, to see if I could help him grow confident in his parenting. By accident, I found out, Simon had ended up spoiling his son a little. The little boy had no idea how to regulate his emotions and Simon was definitely not a great example. Si wasn’t abusive at all, that’s the only thing he knew, never to put his hands on his kid, like his father had done; but he had no idea on how to properly calm down a child. It took time and patience, but with time I was able to see the growth of both Simon and Ken.

One day, after a long day at work, Simon had arrived home tired and stressed. He entered the kitchen, where I was, keeping an eye on dinner. Ken was peacefully sleeping on my arms; poor angel was exhausted after a long day. My best friend made his way towards me and pressed his forehead against my shoulder.

-Rough day today, huh?

-Terrible one.

-I think I know of something that’ll cheer you up a bit.

I pointed at the kitchen table, where a sheet of paper laid, surrounded by crayons. The paper said “My Hero” and under it was a drawing of Simon holding Ken. When Simon grabbed it, a tired smile crept up to his lips before he turned around to plant a kiss on the little sleeping toddler on my arms.

-He also did his homework before I even told him anything.

-Homework? He is barely three.

-His homework is drawing with crayons, not calculus, Si. It’s only so he can learn the habit and it’s easier for him to keep it going when he grows up.

I giggled, shaking my head. I saw his open arms, silently asking me to hold his kid. I handed him the sleeping child, who tossed a little as I did.

-Why was he sleeping on your arms?

-Poor baby was tired, but he wanted to stay with me, so I offered holding him. When he fell asleep, I tried to put him down on his bed, but he’d always wake up fuzzy about it.

-He really loves being around you. He got that from me.

-I suppose he did.

Simon sat down on one of the chairs around the kitchen table, hugging his son and feeling the tension and stress of the day melt off.

-Coming home to you two feels like a dream. Your presence and Ken’s hugs make a shitty day really feel like nothing more than a bad dream. Your presence really helped us. It helped me. Thank you.

-I want to be able to be here for you, Si. Not only now, but every time. You are one of the most important people to me, and I would’ve loved to be here since the start.

-I’m sorry I never told you.

-I understand why you did it, though.

The evening passed by, Ken woke up and started to talk to his father about his day, Simon shared the sweet moment with his child and I finished making dinner. We all sat down to eat, we talked and laughed, and by the end, as he cleaned his mouth with a napkin, Ken said in that bubbly voice of his

-Thank you mama.

Simon and I were shocked. He almost choked on the drink on his glass, and I almost dropped the plates I had gathered. Simon was the first to come out of our shock.

-What did you say, buddy?

-Thank you mama.

In his innocence, Ken hadn’t notice the confusion and shock in his father’s voice. I didn’t want the boy to think he did something wrong, so I quickly answered

-You are welcomed, Kenny.

Simon and I both tried to keep our cool. We cleaned up the dishes, tidied up and took Ken to bed. We tucked him in like we always did and then Simon dared to ask the toddler.

-Hey little man, I need to ask you something. Why did you call them mama earlier?

-Because they are mama shaped. They are nice and good and care for me. Like a mama.

I could barely contain the tears building up on the corners of my eyes. The little baby boy I had come to love as my own also considered me as his own. I was speechless. I could only hug him a little tighter and kiss his chubby little cheeks before saying goodnight. After we put the boy down to sleep, Simon and I sat down to talk about what had happened. Before he could even get a world in, I decided to talk.

-If you don’t feel comfortable with Kenny calling me mama, I’ll talk to him about it. I’ll let him know I’m only your friend and everything, It’s okay-

Before I could continue rambling, Simon grabbed my face between his hands.

-Stop, stop. Quit overthinking for a second and listen.

I locked my gaze with those beautiful big brown eyes of his, instantly stopping to listen to him.

-Look… I noticed the tears that built up on your eyes when Ken called you like that. I know you, and I know how much this means to you. And honestly? It means a lot for me too. My son sees you as his mama, and I’d give anything for this beautiful relationship between you two to keep this pureness. In his eyes and in mine, you are the only mama he’s ever known. If you feel comfortable with him calling you that way, I would be so happy…

I couldn’t help myself. I could only interrupt him with a hug, pulling him so close to my body, as if afraid he might change his mind if I let go.

-I’d love to. I want to be here for both of you. You are so important to me; I can’t imagine a life without both of you in it. I want to keep being Kenny’s mama. I want to take care of him, to love him and to love you.

The last few words came out as a surprise to both of us. I hoped he hadn’t heard or that he’d think nothing of it, but as he pulled me away to look into my eyes, I could see the shock on his eyes.

-You mean that? You actually feel like that? I’m not dreaming, am I?

Sheepishly, I nodded. I couldn’t let the words out, but there was no turning back now. I wanted to look up, to see his reaction, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. What if he changed his mind about me being around his son? What if I just fucked up our friendship? What if…? Before my mind could go any further down the rabbit hole, his fingers found my chin, making me look up into his eyes.

-You really love me? Despite having seen the ugly side of me? Despite how hard I was all throughout our teenage years? Despite the fact I made myself unreachable for three years because I was ashamed of not knowing what the hell I was doing? You love me?

His voice carried the disbelief I knew he always held when someone showed him love like this. He thought himself undeserving, and it crushed my soul. I thought to myself, “What the hell, he already knows, might as well show him how serious I am”, before leaning in and kissing his lips. I wanted to leave no doubt on his mind. I wanted him to understand. To my surprise, he pulled me closer, kissing me back as I melted in his embrace. After a couple of seconds, we pulled away from each other to look into the other’s eyes. We didn’t have to say much, guided by the feeling of each other’s arms, lips, smiles. It flowed like natural, it felt correct, and any doubt dissipated between kisses and I love you’s. We just cuddled on the couch, feeling the weight lifting from our shoulders, as we hugged, kissed, talked and laughed.

I was glad he didn’t have to work in the morning, because neither of us wanted to let go…

#gn reader #cod x reader #cod mw x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #cod fluff #call of duty fanfiction #call of duty x reader

[kiefbowl]

so happy you're changing careers, i always hoped you'd be able to do something more exciting :) i admire how these things don't seem to intimidate you, because to me the job market is terrifying lol

if you don't mind me asking what did you go to school for, and would you have picked something different nowadays?

Film and Video, and maybe I would have. I think my time at college was not well mentored, a realization I had throughout college as I met more people who had parents, teachers, etc. who helped prep them for their time in college (for better or for worse) and as the vision of what I was "supposed" to be doing in college came into clearer focus. When you're six months from graduating, kind of terrifying if I'll be real! But I'm 1000% positive my story is not unique. If I had been better prepared to be a student trying to gain experience to enter the job market, I would have probably studied something else OR I would have used my time better in my degree to actually prepare for that career. I probably could have been happy doing video things, it's just by the time I was close to graduating, the idea of hustling when I never really hustled before terrified me out of trying. In retrospect, I probably could have done it with more support and, as I said, mentorship. There's also so little of the world you know, that sometimes the things you learn you could be doing, it's the eleventh hour in your second semester senior elective. How was I supposed to know people could study classics and launch that into a career of teaching or museum curation if I'm just learning about it now studying greek and latin roots in my etymology class for funsies?

I think we send kids off to college much much much too soon. I wish we had a culture, infrastructure to allow under 25 year olds to do odd jobs while building their social circle and prioritizing partying, traveling, having fun. In my dream world, a 19 year old could work part time as a barista, pay for an apartment with a roomie, spend time doing whatever weird theater/art/music career they think they want, have time to get into politics at a local level, and start putting money away for retirement, and just doing fuck all so that they can think about what they want to do and experience some real life decisions. They can learn "oooh I like customer service but I hate retail" or "oooooh music is something I want to do as a hobby, and playing shows sucks assssss" or "oooooh this internship at my mom's work isn't so bad, I'm not afraid of an office" or "ooooooh this intership at my mom's office sucks asssssss and I wonder what life on a boat is like" or w/e.

Then when you understand the value of money a little better, have a clearer idea of how you want to spend your life, you can go to college if it suits you.

[xpc-web-dev]

Hi! I have just recently deciding to switch careers and leave the vet industry , go into tech. Have spent past 2 years in tech school to become a vet assistant but after being in my field, I always wondered how it would be like to have a career in tech, ive always thought for so long that being in tech comes w Math and science and i suck at both 🤣🤣🤣. so I’m deciding to enroll myself in a completely online program to become an IT tech yet i have always admired hacking and coding so without getting sooo much into it, which leads me to my question:

- what do I have to do to be in the code career?

- do I have to go to boot camp out of my state or should look into going online completely?

- is coding beginner friendly especially as someone who doesn’t have ABSOLUTE NO IDEA about coding?

Please let me know and I love that I have found a community of women jn the tech industry, it’s pretty inspiring which why I want to go into the tech career.

Hi Stone, first of all welcome to our small and growing community.

I'm glad you're giving yourself this chance to try technology and see if it's for you or go back to vet or even go to art(yes I stalked you UEUHEHUEHUE) and I also thank you for finding my opinion relevant.

As you said that you wanted a career and that you are interested in coding and hacking, here you need to choose which one to prioritize. Because whether back-end, front-end, mobile, fullstack or cybersecurity there will be a lot to study, practice, make mistakes and practice again.

Here I give an addendum that if you don't know what these areas mean in technology, I recommend doing a search, reading and watching videos on youtube about it to see what might please you.

So based on what you've told me, again I think the best first step is to know what you want to prioritize and what you want to make money from.

Because trust me, you won't be able to study everything together at the same time. And if you manage to find an hour, there will be a burnout, so take it easy my friend. (from personal experience)

Even more so if you want a job, it's best to focus on 1 and then move on to others. Then find out what might be best for you / what you most identify with.

I also like hacking, I have books and I have already found courses. But this is something I want to study as a hobby and a safety measure (after all, there's no shortage of motherfuckers doing shit with others with that knowledge). So I put it in the background. Because my priority is money and hacking has work, but not in my country.

Now about entering the code career. Despite being a junior/student, I've seen a lot and I've also learned in these 2 years in the technology community in my country and watching you from the outside, so I can have a more mature view to help you with that.

So let's go:

1) - To know what you need to do to enter your career in code, you need to know how the technology market is in your country.

Because with all these layoffs, we have a lot of professionals with experience and academically well qualified and depending on the country, we currently have more demand for professionals than job offers. (Here in Brazil this is happening, because the layoffs in North America reflected here).

And here I don't want to discourage you, I just want to give you a realistic parameter for you to enter the area without illusions and not get frustrated like me and a bunch of people on the internet. (I wish someone had guided me like that). Because what we have most on social media is people making it seem like programming is easy and getting a job is even easier, or that you're going to earn A LOT since you're just a junior and THAT'S NOT THE REALITY..

BUT all the effort pays off in the end.

Within that, here I think it's cool that you try to observe what vacancies in your country ask for juniors/interns.

From Skills like knowing python to asking college or accepting bootcamp. See what's most in demand out there and within that see if you like what's in demand.

I tell you this, because here in Brazil, for example, we currently have more vacancies for internships (and here you need to be enrolled in a college to do an internship) than for juniors without college and only with bootcamps. So if we want a job around here, the first thing is to go to college and not be completely self-taught. So again, research and study your country's technology market.

In my conception TODAY getting a job in programming without college will be 10x more difficult than in 2020 for example, things have changed. The market now is not lacking developers, quite the contrary, now it has hight demands from developers but not for JOBS.

What the market wants most are senior people (and I've seen seniors I know saying that after layoffs even for them it's more willing to get a job, again supply and demand), but there are still opportunities for us beginners, in some countries there are more and in others less.

Speaking in the sense of the United States from what I observed from the US (content producers and twitter) + my experiences here in Brazil.I don't know the current situation of the technology market in Africa, the rest of Latin America , Asia and Europe.

Of course, you can be lucky and succeed without , but I, for one, got tired of believing that I would be lucky and be one of those people who succeed and changed my strategy to get a job.

Or you could also join a job-guaranteed bootcamp. Check how it works and if you have this type in your country.

And here we come to your second question.

2) The answer is it depends.

For example, will this bootcamp in your state guarantee you a job or is it possible to do an internship at a company or will it connect you with companies after the program?Or is he recognized by technology companies in your state?

If so, I would recommend doing it and dedicating yourself to getting in.

Because look, if they guarantee you an job is even better , you'll just have to study and do what they tell you to get your job.

But if you don't guarantee it, but this training has merit/respect in the market, it also pays off.

Here, I wanted to take the opportunity and talk about apprenticeship.

In our community we have our queen @xiacodes @xiabablog (it's the same person), she did an apprenticeship and today she is a junior developer in UK .

She shared her journey on her blog and is also the most engaged and resource sharing person in our community.

Here I would like to say that FOR ME Apprenticeship is one of the smartest strategies today to get into the technology market.

I myself will start on a Monday and it was my solution to get a job in code by the end of the year. (I'll talk about this in another post too)

So I recommend looking for apprenticeship in your country / state and how they work there.

And obviously observe and read the rules of the program to see if there are any catches that put you in absurd debt or contractual fines.

And see if you can handle it if you have the possibility.

Here I give an addendum that if you find an apprenticeship but that you will earn little in the beginning, for you to analyze well before saying no. Because salary we can evolve after we have experience, the important thing for us juniors/students is to get the first experience and the rest later becomes easier. (At least that's what the Mid /seniors I know say)

Now if in your country you don't have this kind of opportunity, I would recommend trying to see if it would be possible to do bootcamp/online courses + college to get an internship.

And you don't even have to start with paid courses, in my opinion if the bootcamp won't guarantee you a job, it's not worth paying for it. We have a lot of free resources on the internt (youtube biggest school) .

But it's up to you.

Free Courses:

-Freecodecamp

-Odin project (And it has both fullstack with ruby ​​and with node.js. )

For me, paying will only pay off when you don't find quality resources for what you want to study. So I would advise you to always think about whether it pays off or not.

Accessible paid courses:

- Codecademy

- Udemy (there are good courses there and there are always promotions)

+++ Here I also wanted to talk about knowing that public colleges (100% free) are not possible in all countries or when they are, they are very elective and difficult to get into for poor people as it is here in Brazil.

But here despite that, studying A LOT to pass the exams and having worked to save money and support yourself until you get scholarships to support yourself (and if you do), you manage to get into the best colleges that are free and that is more viable than being poor and being able to pay for college in the US, for example.

So I know that it might not be very viable depending on where you live and whether or not you are a resident of the country.

So I don't know if college can be an affordable thing for you, but if not that you can find the best strategy to achieve your financial prosperity in technology!

But if you are from the United States for example, this week I discovered this spotify program: https://fellowship.spotify.com/

The one where they only hire people with bootcamps and not colleges and open in the summer there.

And despite the layoffs, I still think there are more entry level openings there than here HUEHUEEHEU.

3) What do you mean by friendly?

If you mean easy, no, she probably won't be friendly to you at all AND THAT'S OKAY.

As you yourself said that you know absolutely nothing, it will be natural for you to have difficulty, to think about giving up and to make a lot of mistakes to get it right.

It's going to be a process of failing and trying again and again.

NOTHING IS EASY. And since you've already taken a veterinary course, I think you already know that things are really difficult. So this is another reminder that it won't be any different here.

BUT it will end well because EVERYTHING IS LEARNED.

And that also goes for math, if you ever have to deal with it (and if you go to cs college you will) you will make a lot of mistakes, but you will succeed, because EVERYTHING IS LEARNED based on trial and error.

And that doesn't mean you're bad or stupid, just that you're learning something completely from scratch. It won't be overnight that you will understand, it may take months or years, but persisting you will succeed. THIS IS NORMAL.

I cried (literally) to do conditional algorithms in 2021, I banged my head in books, said I would never make it and felt like the biggest dumbass in the world and today 2023 are the easiest things for me. I have no problem making them.

And that was only possible because I didn't give up.

Here I wanted to advise you to start your programming studies with low expectations, to help you manage your frustrations and maybe burnouts. It won't be overnight that you will become the best programmer and do many projects at the level of a senior developer or the people who do tutorials on youtube.

They will be small steps that lead you to your goals in studies. Again, constants.

There are people who could get their ek code jobs in 3 to 6 months of study.

BUT FOR ME, currently having a plan to get an opportunity between 2 years and 4 years (if you actually go to college) study is the healthiest way to pursue your studies and goals. If you get it sooner, even better for you, but if not, you'll be fine with yourself because it's within the period you stipulated.

Finally, I ask you not to take anything I say as absolute truth.

Question what you read Take what I said, analyze it and see how it works in your reality.

I also recommend trying to find women in technology from your country on linkedin and see if they can help you with tips and so on. I feel very good knowing so many Brazilian women in tech since I did this, my network there is composed only of them precisely to create a place without judgment but of welcome and inspiration.

Well, I invested about 3 hours answering the best way I can, I hope you read it and that it helps you.

Anything, if you want to talk more, you can call me in the chat, I'll take a while but I'll answer.

I wish you good studies, discernment to see which is the best path for you and that you stay well! Lots of protection in studies and career.

#womanintech #codeblr #software development #woman in stem #coding #studyblr #studyblog #software engineering #code #algorithms #juniordeveloper #studystudystudy #studyblr community #learn to code #100 days of code #javascript #html #java #developer #technology #ask response #thanks for the ask! #ask to tag #womanshelpswomans

[dantheserialkillerman]

Can you please make Dan X male reader who keeps being abused by his own family for being "weak"?

Sure! I did take some liberties in the prompt (as I usually do ngl). This is more of a basic premise, and introducing of characters. However, I hope this fulfills your Danny needs ;))

Dan Hiroki x M!English Reader

TW: mentions of suicide and abuse

Everyone has or claims to have a first memory. Maybe it’s being placed in a pram, falling out of a pram, or being pushed around in a pram. Perhaps it is something nonsensical you’ve convinced yourself was a past life, like running on a battlefield and being shot in the head. It could be a smell, taste, or a feeling. Yet, for you, it was none of these things. Your first memory was only a single word. Weak.

You were the firstborn son of a noble family who still owned an estate. Your father came from old money and was a well-regarded businessman who dabbled in the stock market. Your mother was a former television actress. A mary-go-round of nannies and butlers raised you.

Your mother wandered the corridors like a ghost, passing through doors aimlessly and seemingly avoiding you at all cost. A doctor would come in occasionally, and a maid would bring you in to say hello. The last time you saw her was a rainy Monday afternoon, the raindrops incessantly tapping against the windowsill in an uneven tune. She hugged you for the first time in months, claimed she would be going away soon, and wished she could miss you.

Your mother killed herself the next day.

You were young enough not to understand what it truly meant to die but not young enough that you wouldn’t remember her. You had thought of her passing like a cassette tape, and even if you didn’t like the ending, you could simply ask a maid to rewind it to the part before everything went awry. But she couldn’t, and your father didn’t seem to care one way or the next.

A month passed, and he quickly remarried your latest nanny—a pretty young twenty-something who had just graduated from college.

At first, she was sweet, if not overbearing, but when you had refused to call her mother, she had quickly changed.

The abuse started small. Snarky remarks about how you were little for your age. How helpless and pitiful you looked. How you didn’t compare to your father, and maybe he should get a test to ensure legitimacy. Then it exalted to the occasional slap and pretending you didn’t exist. You become a nobody within your own home.

When you turned thirteen, you were one of the only children happy to be told they were attending boarding school. During the summer before you left, you had packed your bag on the first day of June and silently stared at the suitcase during those hot nights, reminding yourself you would be freed soon.

Despite your stepmother’s claims that you were a failure, the academy was a rebirth. You became a house captain and were an active member of the rowing team. A star pupil. The poster boy of “What to be and how to be it.” Your teachers adored you. The students looked up to you and regarded you as someone worth your name. You were not that broken-down actor forced to play the role of the leftover child. You were someone better. Someone not weak. Someone worth being alive.

Yet, you always dreaded the rolling in of summer when you were forced to leave the tall ivy walls and the midnight study sessions in the library. Your father was conveniently always away on business.

You would try to hide in your room during most of your visits, but your stepmother would always corner you, the servants turning a blind eye in fear. She would whisper, “Y/N, your father tells me your mother killed herself because of you. She couldn’t stand having such a weak, pathetic child. A parasite. Even the rope that bitch hung herself with was stronger than you.”

Sometimes, the servants would find you during the early hours, as the sun forced its way upon the red sky, staring at the giant oak tree that haunted the estate. You would grip the branches and hang there like your mother did years ago, seeing how much strength it took to snap a branch. The wood would sink into your skin, and over time scars developed upon your palms. It took an entire night for anyone to notice her dead, and one day you would also try to hang from that tree for the same amount of time. You would not be weak.

Year 10 was when everything changed. You were fifteen, studying for your A levels in preparation for Cambridge when you saw him.

A Japanese boy was sprawled across the grass with no shoes and a dirty rumpled uniform. In his right hand, he held a novel called The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty. His left pushed back black hair that continuously fell into his lovely face. What he was doing was unrefined, improper, and completely captivating. He looked like wildness contained and modelled into flesh, barely attached to the world, with only the pages of his book saving him from drifting away.

A professor had caught you gaping, and in humiliation, you quickly left before anyone else could notice.

You remained restless with the thought of him. That was until you were summoned to the headmaster’s office the next day.

All that glitters is not gold, and all that shines is not divine. No, it can be something much more valuable and rare, like the dark rhodium of the wild boy’s eyes watching you as you entered the meeting.

You learned he was named Dan Hiroki, a transfer student who was only here for a couple of months and the son of a high-ranking politician in Toyko, apparently sent away after some unknown scandal until everything calmed down.

“Y/N, you took Japanse for langues, didn’t you?” The headmaster asked you.

“I have rudimentary understanding, sir.”

“But enough to get by?”

“I could hold a conversation if needed.”

He smiled and adjusted his glasses, “Good lad, as head boy, I would like you to help Mr. Hiroki feel welcomed to our campus. Show him some English spirit. Sound good?”

You looked to Dan, his eyes pinning you down and your hands sweating. You would not be weak.

“I would be honoured.”

Dan smiled softly, and for the first time, you heard his voice. “I look forward to getting to know you, Y/N.”

As if being plunged into a pool of dark water, ready to drown at any minute, you couldn’t help but sink. Maybe your family was right. Perhaps you were pathetic. But it wasn’t until summer you would learn the price you would pay for any good deed.

#hiroki dan #brutal: confessions of a homicide investigator #brutal manga #sorry I have been away #exams are killing me #brutal: satsujin kansatsukan no kokuhaku #manga #horror #brutal hiroki dan #brutal: hiroki dan #hiroki dan x reader #x male reader #dan hiroki x reader #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #England #English gothic #gothic #TW: sucide and abuse #x reader #fanfic #brutal satsujin kansatsukan no kokuhaku

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok they said they would send me the prompt sometime today but did not specify when so i am still in PREPARE FOR ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING mode. i finished the first-gen programming book on the plane. there were a handful of very good case studies in there & a few ideas i would love to try implementing, but i feel like those edited collections with a million contributors are inevitably a little uneven and can get a bit repetitive by the end. on the whole though i’m glad i read it and i collected a handful of sources from the bibliography that i’m going to follow up on next.

one of the last case studies in the book was about career services and i found it really interesting... the writers were pointing out that university career services tend to focus a lot on the process of finding a job (resume and cover letter writing, navigating linkedin and job boards, interviewing, etc.) but most institutions don’t do a ton of work on teaching students career management skills - like, how to read a job posting to determine if it’s going to get you where you want to be, or how to proactively identify and develop specific skills in a role even if it’s not your dream job, or how to go back on the job market and find a better match for you if a job doesn’t seem to be aligned with your long-term goals, etc etc. i definitely notice this a lot in my first-gen kids who i do post-grad career support stuff with. like, the jobs they choose to apply to often confuse me because they don’t seem like a good fit for what the student is actually interested in doing, or they’ll stay in a job that isn’t a good fit for too long because they’re unsure about how to make the transition.

we did some work on this in my program -- i had this career trajectory mapping activity where they had to research organizations in their areas of interest, then find a high- or medium-ranking employee there in a leadership position they might interested in doing later in their careers, and then we had this in-class activity where we used people’s linked in profiles to trace their path from college to grad school (if relevant) through the early stages of their career. we made these big maps on the board where we wrote down the job titles the person had held, the way they described their responsibilities in each role, the amount of time they spent at each, the amount of time between promotions, and whether their experience was concentrated in one organization/program or not (and if they moved around if it was laterally within a company or to a new organization). we did a handful of these together in class and then as part of their research portfolios that semester they had to create more maps, one of which had to be for a person they’d set up an informational interview with (so they could use the map to ask more detailed questions about people’s trajectories and get insight into how professionals further along in their careers made decisions about what jobs to take, when to leave, etc.).

ANYWAY i think i could do a LOT more thinking/brainstorming around how to integrate those skills in managing your own career into different curricula... just something i’d be interested in returning to. ooh and also i learned about the National Association of Colleges and Employers’ Career Readiness Competencies which i think will be a useful framework if i need to talk about prof dev at any point during the visit.

#teaching #mentoring #to think further #i've been thinking a lot about areas of transition where we don't have a lot of student support #like for example #first-year students have a ton of structured support & touchpoints with faculty/staff & organized social and academic programming etc #but then that typically falls away in sophomore year #and i think that's part of why students struggle a lot with the sophomore slump #and then i think another area of fall-off is like #students have access to a lot of career services & prof development resources + coaching + support during their senior years #as they're preparing to enter the workforce #but then obviously once they graduate #they're on their own #and i think that's something i'd be interested in thinking about - like specifically developing resources targeted at alumni #or even extending access to career support/coaching services for 1-2 years after graduation or something #or giving students access to those for a very low fee (maybe subsidized by some kind of grant) #idk just something i'm thinking about today!! instead of doing work work!

[auntarivia]

I wanted to share some of Romania's story for a long time, but I never did because I wanted to do it more chronologically. But dammit, I will share what I have and hope that someone will like it.

Anyway, there it is, a one-shot of Romania as a capitan and Jeddite as a young warlock.

A little healthy thing

I guess a little context would still be useful tho:

Romania is my oc for Heroes of Might and Magic 3. As general she represents the player.

Jeddite is one of game's heroes, but his story is so poor and limited that I've decided to take care of him myself.

Sandro is one of the most popular game villains.

Roma and Jed met when they were 18-20 years old and after a few years Jeddite left with his master Ethirc and Sandro to continue studying.

So, after this way too long introduction please enjoy!

Fairs were the most fascinating part of big cities – at least according to Romania. She loved the bright colours and noises. Winter fair was her most favourite. It wasn’t just an ordinary market but also a holiday. The Mage College and Military Academy were giving their students winter break, which means that Roma was able to spent time with her friends. Also, holiday fairs were always bigger, more colourful and brighter, and some things were available only on the specific holidays, like the mulled beer. Well, technically you could drink it all year long, but neither of schools allowed their students to drink during school year, and it didn’t taste half as good during the warmer seasons.

Roma, Eret, Jeddite and Sandro were just wandering around the fair, looking for a place to sit while enjoying their beers. Romania couldn’t help herself from noticing that Sandro seemed – as always – uninterested with anything around, grumpy and annoyed that he had to be outside his room. She was often under the impression that Sandro didn’t really like her and was around only because of Jeddite. She felt that young mage had some kind of a beef with her that she didn’t know about.

‘There is a spot,’ said Eret, pointing at a free bench.

Before they were able to sit, someone run into Romania, spilled her beer, mumbled fast ‘I’m sorry’ and run away.

‘Damn it!’ Romania looked at her empty mug.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Jeddite, worried.

‘Yeah, yeah. It’s fine, it’s just a beer. A little shame, but…’

‘Wait, where did Sandro go?’ said Eret while looking around.

Romania and Jeddite also rose their heads and tried to find their friend in the crowd.

‘How long was he away?’ asked Roma.

‘I could’ve swear he was just here,’ answered her brother.

‘Calm down, you panicking chickens, I’m here.’ Sandro appeared behind them with a second mug of mulled beer. He gave it to Romania without a word. ‘I disappear for a minute to get another mug and you are all on edge, seriously…’

‘What can I say, it’s not our fault you are so short,’ said Jeddite mockingly and ruffled his hair.

Roma smiled while watching how Sandro blushes and tries to put his hair back in order. After that, the young mage looked at her and smiled back.

Those were moments that assured her that Sandro do in fact liked her and she could called him ‘friend’.

At least she used to.

…

While recalling memories of Sandro that was the vision Romania had before her eyes. Young, grumpy boy, with smile rare yet precious and honest, with act of service being his only love language towards his friend, and all the feelings hidden and protected. She couldn’t manage to portrait him as a traitor and undead necromancer trying to fight his way to the Deyja through the lands of AvLee.

She was standing still, watching pegasi resting in enchanted springs. She and her squad were stationing in this city while waiting for necromancers to get closer so she brought her pegasus, Achates, to rest in the springs.

Romania was so glad that the higher command allowed her to participate in catching Sandro. She couldn’t believe that her friend truly turned to dark magic and became a necromancer. She would’ve lied to herself if she wouldn’t admit that the darkness and fascination with necromancy was always a part of Sandro’s personality, but to the point of betraying Jeddite and running to Deyja? She had to see it for herself to accept this as true, and even then she wanted to try to change Sandro’s mind and speak to the boy he remembered him to be.

The other reason she wanted to join this fight personally was because Jeddite himself asked her for help and she couldn’t say ‘no’ to him. Especially not when she knew that she was the only one he could ask within the military ranks.

‘Captain, sir!’

Romania looked at the soldier who just came from the woods to the spring. He stood at the attention and saluted. Romania answered with the same and then said:

‘At ease, soldier. What’s the matter?’

‘There is a message from the warlock who asked for our help, sir!’

‘Are you the messenger?’

‘No, sir, he is here personally and asks to speak with you! Should I…’

‘Take me to him!’ interrupted Romania and then cough embarrassed, trying to hide her excitement. ‘I’m sorry. I mean I wish to speak with him, soldier.’

‘Yes, sir! He is here, sir!’

‘I must admit, this is kinda entertaining to watch.’

Romania rose her head when she heard the familiar voice. She noticed a man standing with hands in his pockets, laying on a tree. He was wearing simple traveller clothes in the shades of dark blue and grey. His brown hair were long, tied at neck and short beard covered his chin.

‘Captain, sir?’

Soldier’s voice snapped Romania out of the shock.

‘Thank you, soldier, go back to your duties.’

‘Yes, sir!’ He saluted and run away.

Jeddite slowly walked towards Romania, as if he was giving her time to process the situation. Woman was unsure of what to do or how to react. She hasn’t seen him sice he left AvLee five years ago. They did exchange letters but it wasn’t the same. She changed a lot through those years, how much did he? Will he like the ‘new’ Romania? How much will she like the ‘new’ Jeddite? Was there anything left of their old love or did it all went away and existed only as few words in bland letters?

Then when he stood in front of her she looked into his deep blue eyes. Still the same, familiar and lovely. She once again felt like a young girl that fell in love with those eyes for the first time.

‘Jeddite…’ she mumbled, still unsure of what to do, charmed with her lover.

‘This whole officer thing suits you, you know?’ said mage jokingly and stroke her cheek with the back of his hand. ‘I could watch you giving orders all the time. I wouldn’t mind taking some too.’ He winked, making Romania blush and relax. He always knew what to say to her.

‘Well, too bad you didn’t see me fight.’

‘Yet. I bet I will be impressed.’ He slowly lay down towards her and then hesitated. ‘Would you mind…?’

‘Not at all,’ replayed Romania and let Jeddite lay a gentle kiss on her lips.

She felt shiver going down her spine. How she missed that, his soft lips on her, his rough beard scratching her face. She couldn’t compare this excitement and happiness to any other. The kiss was short, yet for her it felt like an eternity. An eternity she was waiting for.

She subconsciously stroked his beard, like she used to when they kissed all those years ago. She loved that rough texture and couldn’t find anything like that to bring her peace, aside from Achates’s hair, which obviously wasn’t the same.

‘I’ve missed you,’ whispered Jeddite, looking into Romania’s eyes.

‘Me too,’ answered captain, smiling softly. Then she took a step back. ‘But what are you doing here?’

‘Well, I couldn’t miss the opportunity of seeing you, could I?’ He smiled and grabbed her hand. Then smile disappeared from his face. ‘Shame that this is the situation that brought me back to AvLee.’

‘You want to talk about it, don’t you?’

Jeddite nodded sadly and sat at the spring shore. Romania sat next to him and gave him time to gather his thoughts. The situation was hard for her yet she could only imagine how terrible it was for her lover. Sandro wasn’t just his friend from the college. He was his best friend, almost like a brother. They knew each other since childhood, way longer than Romania knew any of them.

The silence between them went on, heavy and full of unspoken words. Capitan saw the pain in Jeddite eyes, the hesitation every time he opened his mouth only to close them without saying anything. She didn’t rush him, she never did. Jeddite speaks when and only when he wants to.

Finally, Jeddite rose his head. He still didn’t say anything, but Romania noticed tears going down his cheeks. This sight shocked her, but she quickly got over this feeling and gently hugged him. Jeddite rested his head on her arm and tightly embraced her around her waist. Then he finally stopped resisting and let himself cry. Roma’s arm muffled his sobbing, making it hard to hear, so all of those tears stayed between them.

‘It’s my fault,’ whispered Jeddite, when he finally managed to calm down a little.

‘No, Jed, don’t say that.’

‘But it’s true! I’ve introduced Sandro to Ethric, I persuaded him to teach him, even when master said that there is darkness in him! How could I’ve been so blind?! I knew him for so long, why I let this all happened?!’

‘My love,’ Romania put a soft kiss on Jeddite’s head. ‘Don’t blame yourself for the choices Sandro made. I didn’t see anything wrong with him either, Eret too. He was our friend, we wouldn’t suspect him of anything like that.’

‘You didn’t know him like I do. You weren’t there for all those years. I should have been listening to master.’

‘I don’t think it would’ve changed anything, you know? Sandro would just find another way.’

‘You mean that I didn’t make any difference?’ Jeddite slowly draw back.

‘No.’ Romania wiped his tears away. ‘I mean that if there was truly darkness in him, like Ethric said, Sandro would let it consume him anyway. But you made a difference. How do you know, perhaps your friendship delayed it? Or made it less dangerous? Perhaps…’

‘Perhaps we can still reach to him and stop him,’ finished Jeddite, hopefully.

‘Exactly what I wanted to say.’ Romania smiled softly and kissed him on the forehead. ‘We will try to reason with him and we will stop him, I swear. And we will do it together.’

Jeddite managed to smile. He wiped last tears from his face and then put his hands on Romania’s cheeks.

‘What would I do without you?’

‘Not much, that for sure.’

Warlock laughed and lean towards captain to kiss her.

Romania wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. She felt warm feeling rising from her chest and overwhelming her body. This kiss was different, deeper, stronger and more confident than the first one. Now they both were sure that their love was still there, still strong. That they could still trust and depend on each other and there were no place for doubt. Every movement of lips, every stroke of tongue sent shiver down her spine. It was exciting yet familiar, assuring her that it is indeed her Jeddite and that she wants to be with him forever, that she is able to go through everything with him. That, no matter the distance or time, at the end she will still love and trust him.

#writing #writers on tumblr #fanfic #fanfiction

[selormohene]

day 118 (sunday, october 29th 2023)

For some reason I have a lot to say for today, which is nice. 

When I was in college (I think it was, although it may instead just have been the first semester of my first year of the PhD — but I’m pretty sure it started in college) there was this donut shop called Union Square Donuts that used to come to the weekly farmers’ market on Tuesdays in the Science Center Plaza. They had the best donuts. There was one particular kind I used to get, the maple bacon flavour, which actually had pieces of bacon on it. It was incredible. Then later it used to be that I could only get them on Sunday mornings at the market near where I lived, so I had to make sure I woke up early. I usually got them after church, if there were some left, or if I managed to wake up early enough I could get them before church. Anyway, they opened a branch in Harvard Square just a few weeks ago, and you’d think that would be an incredible thing — finally, this great donut is incredibly accessible, and so on — but actually it seems to have made it less appealing to me than it used to be.

It’s weird, how much I used to look forward to having Union Square donuts but can barely be bothered to buy them anymore now that they’re more freely available. It’s not even that I don’t like them as much or that it’s the mere fact of availability that makes things less appealing. For example there are all sorts of things in the Square which I consume frequently, and it’s not a matter of a lack of novelty either because I have all sorts of old favourites which I continue to enjoy. I think it’s something about the fact that it used to be less accessible than it is now. There was a point when being able to get Union Square donuts was something I could look forward to on Tuesdays (or Sundays), when it gave me an extra incentive to be out and about doing whatever I was doing, when going to get the donut was a point around which I could organise my other activities, and so on. I felt a sense of accomplishment if I could wake up early enough to get to church on time and that kind of thing. And there’s a whole thing about the relation between dopamine signalling and reward relative to effort or something but I’m not sure about the details of that. In any case, though, the fact that my reward system seems to be functioning in this way — that the increased availability of something like that seems to have made it less rather than more appealing — feels like a good thing, a sign that I’m well-adjusted in this respect, if you want.

On legality and morality in mathematics. I feel like I’ve become a lot more legalistic since I started studying university-level mathematics. I’ve thought about the “bait-and-switch” from big fundamental questions to narrow technical problems in academic philosophy, such that when one comes back to the big fundamental questions one either ends up working on them in an overly narrow technical way or else has to work one’s way back to capturing the “big, fundamental” spirit behind them while not throwing away the resources one has gained from the technical questions. But now I feel like something similar is happening to me with math. To be fair, I did realise some time ago that the change in focus or content or subject matter (from calculations and concrete objects to more general classes of objects and proofs, so from following certain rules to solve algebraic equations to proving general theorems about the class of all objects governed by certain axioms or kinds of axioms) was a thing that happened in math. And in the past I’d thought about the issue more in terms of the purely theoretical cognitive-scientific question, that is, of how it was that facility with spatial reasoning or visualisation and the sort of math that you do in middle school (as well as interest in that kind of math) should translate to facility with and interest in pure math, in proofs and stuff. And that’s still an interesting question for me as well. But I didn’t realise explicitly until now how much there’s also a question of psychology, how much one becomes legalistic rather than moralistic, in the sense that you may still have a sense of morality, of an intuitive sense of how things work or just being able to accept certain claims as true based on hand-woven definitions for the purpose of being able to solve problems or build up a general Gestalt, but now you find it much easier to make progress in following the rules, and the rules become a lot more precise (formal proof rather than formulas, or mathematical modeling, or conceptual creativity). Like I’ve become even so legalistic that if I’m reading some book which involves an introduction to some sort of thing (like a book on information geometry which begins with a basic account of differential geometry), I feel like my understanding is incomplete unless I first metabolise an entire book on differential geometry, which builds up the axioms and definitions and proofs all the way from the ground up, and that even my understanding of that would be incomplete (no matter how self-contained the treatment is) unless I first read entire books on linear algebra, analysis, point-set topology and then differential topology, and then differential geometry. I’m not sure how much of this concerns my actual ability to understand or to “go on” from the minimum required background, or to feel comfortable in the process of actually learning the material in question, and how much of it is just learned aversion to not being thoroughly grounded in the fundamentals of a given topic, because in the past I’ve studied stuff for which I didn’t feel like I had the prerequisites fully mastered and it went badly and so because I don’t like the feeling of things going badly I now feel like I want to master all the fundamentals first. Perhaps all of this is also a matter of changes in fluid intelligence versus crystallised intelligence. Like now I feel like I’m most in my element when I’m synthesising insights from knowledge I already have, rather than coming up with them spontaneously.

On “you should listen to X people about X issues” and “only X people should speak about X issues.” I think some version of the thought expressed is correct and significant, but it needs to be expressed with care, and the right version is hard for people to come to appreciate because the conceptual basis for it isn’t as widely understood as it should be. The idea is that it’s not about certain minorities or members of various ascriptive identity categories being in a better epistemic or moral position with respect to issues that pertain to them, but a special, distinctive epistemic and/or moral position. It’s a kind of authority (in the sense of first-personal authority), but also that authority is kind of better construed as responsibility, not in the dyadic sense of “accountability” as in they owe something to someone, but in the monadic sense of “up-to-me-ness.” Like we should listen to people because the experience is theirs, they have a perspective on it (both as a series of objective features of social reality) and as a vantage point on the world. Only black people are capable of having the double consciousness that pertains to being black in a society like the United States, no matter how much a non-black person may know about the reality of racism, no matter if their scholarly understanding or even moral clarity goes far beyond that of some particular black person. This goes also to the question of practice. There’s a sense in which a black person fighting racism is fighting for self-determination, or at any rate fighting for the self-determination of people of a category under which they also fall, in a way that non-black people aren’t (at least not insofar as they’re fighting anti-black racism), no matter how morally invested they might be in ending such anti-black racism. Moran’s discussion of this notion of responsibility or authority in his book Authority and Estrangement is very good. So this is a good counterpoint to both the people who think “X people are hallowed oracles on X issues” and the ones who say “there’s nothing particular to X people with respect to X issues that non-X people can’t also have.”

(This would be an interesting lens through which to examine the Killers of the Flower Moon movie.)

This pertains also to the variety of kinds of knowledge. You could divide knowledge into at least three kinds: practical, propositional or theoretical and experiential knowledge, or, roughly, know-how, know-that, and knowing-what-it-is-like. I feel like a lot of work on this question of whether or not X people have a special relationship to X issues depends on either conflating these kinds of knowledge (you can’t have any one without all three) or sharply distinguishing them (you can have any of them without any of the others, or some particular one, probably know-that, to a completely adequate extent without know-how or knowledge-of-what-it-is-like). And I’m thinking of the Dror paper here, as well as the work of Williamson and Stanley. Like I think we need a richer understanding (informed by the phenomenological tradition, Heidegger, Gadamer, Merleau-Ponty, Sartre etc.) of the interrelations between these kinds of knowledge, as well as more engagement with the first-personal stuff, in order to properly engage with this question.

On the first and second commandments. The second commandment, “Love your neighbour as you love yourself” is inadequate on its own because (a) it’s overly voluntaristic, (b) it’s too close to “treat others as you want to be treated,” which is too close to “treat others as you want others to treat you,” which is too close to “treat others as you expect them to treat you.” The point of the first commandment, “Love the Lord your God” and so on, is that it teaches you how to love yourself, and gives you the proper basis from which to love yourself; it’s not a question of how you happen to love yourself, and it’s not that the principle of equal treatment has its source in the value you happen to confer upon yourself, but rather that, although your love for others may have its proximate motivational basis in your love for yourself, your love for others and yourself both have their ultimate motivational basis in God’s love for us. “We love because God first loved us.”

[yourfirstnamealoud]

I found this linked on a tildetown page and I have been returning to it and reading a bit more anytime I get a little sad/moody/unsatisfied, but need to study. I think being away from the university where I am going to school has made me a little lonelier than usual—though student life is always kind of lonely.

It is weird reading it and seeing how student focused it is. Like. obviously that is the point, but this your time in college is relatively short compared to the time youre gonna spend not-in-college. In some way reading it is comforting, because I know I'm not going to be a student forever.

Skimming through it though, it seems like, disappointedly focused on actual real really-short-on-cash kinda poverty, instead of like. metaphorical poverty. Like it really nags at me sometimes that I have all this sort-of more freedom, and I'm ostensibly soaking up all this life and culture with my liberal arts degree, but like, ough. I do more sitting quietly than the average bear and I spend a lot more time doing very solitary work.

Then again I think I haven't read a whole lot of that in there because theres so much of it that I haven't read. it's a long text and I tend to think about it when I have more important things to be reading.

He thinks he is avant-garde if he has seen the latest happening. He discovers "modernity" as fast as the market can produce its ersatz version of long outmoded (though once important) ideas; for him, every rehash is a cultural revolution. His principal concern is status, and he eagerly snaps up all the paperback editions of important and "difficult" texts with which mass culture has filled the bookstores. (If he had an atom of self-respect or lucidity, he would knock them off. But no: conspicuous consumers always pay!). Unfortunately, he cannot read, so he devours them with his gaze, and enjoys them vicariously through the gaze of his friends. He is an other-directed voyeur. (my emphasis)

ouch.

#2023 #in some kind of way all the stuff about being literally cash poor just seems like #yeah I know it already #it's baked into our culture. the canterbury tales even has a starving student who spends all his money on books #that my professor told the whole class we should be like. with a wink and a smile and a nudge but still #I just spent like a bit of grocery money on books : /

[umichenginabroad]

Sorrento Study Abroad Recap

It has been a couple days since my program ended and I still can’t believe it. These past months have been life changing in every way. From traveling, studying, and working, there has been so much to do. To sum up my experience abroad I wanted to leave you with a list of my favorite things and recommendations I wish I knew before coming to Sorrento. 

Favorites During My Time in Italy 

Clothing Store : Daphnes or any of the alley way stores 

Food : Pasta alla Nerano or any Naples Pizza 

Restaurants : Casa Mia (bit pricey but worth it) , Taverna Azzurra (salmon pasta or crab ravioli is to die for!)

Desserts: Lemon Delight (Amalfi Coast Staple) , Gelato - definitely try Raki’s (pistachio, coffee, salted caramel, orange mango, strawberry), David’s Gelateria (lemon sorbet) 

Sandwiches : A’Marenna , Market IL Salumaio (located 5 min from the school!)

Groceries : Dodeca, Conad (for meat)

Beaches :  Bagni Regina Giovanna, Ieranto Bay (a 45 min bus and 40 min hike but soo worth it!!)

Islands to Visit: Capri, Ischia 

I also wanted to leave you with some tips before going to Sorrento! 

Transportation:  You can get from Naples to Sorrento by shuttle, taxi, or train. Because Sorrento is isolated, it can be tough to transport from one place to another especially since every time you go to the airport you need to take a shuttle (so be prepared and plan trips in advance). The trains from Sorrento to Naples are around 2.50 euros and bus tickets can be bought at the train station for 1.40 euro each. The trains can sometimes run a little late so make sure you leave 2-3 hrs of space if you are catching a train in Naples to your destination. While it seems scary, DO NOT be afraid to use public transportation. It has definitely taught me a lot more about the Campania area during my time abroad and I felt more like a local when using it! Also most bus drivers are willing to lead you in the right direction if you tell them where you want to go. 

Healthcare : While the hospital in Sorrento is not the best, Sant’Anna does offer a doctor that comes in every week if you get sick or need medical assistance. Also most pharmacies are able to give you some medicine to help you if you walk in and explain what is wrong. My friend also had to go to a doctor and to get it covered by GeoBlue, she just registered her visit in the app.

Overall, studying abroad anywhere is an amazing experience that I would recommend to anyone. It has been great to experience Italian culture and even get accustomed to an Italian workplace. It was also great that I had time to travel around Italy and outside the country! These few months in Italy have taught me how to handle different cultures and be more flexible when dealing with people from other areas. It was also great to make new friends from UMich and other colleges. Thank you for keeping up with my Italian adventures this summer and I hope this will convince you to study abroad. Ciao ciao! 

Josefia Frydenborg

Environmental Engineering

Engineering in Sorrento

#umichenginabroad #ipesummer23 #ipesorrento #JosefiaFrydenborg #italy

[basilsbestpainting]

So, I'm originally from Ohio right? The most quasi Bible belt state in existence. I kept in contact with the only other trans masc kid from high school for years even though he was pretty much a horrible person and we had jack shit in common besides being trans because. That's was it, we didn't know anybody else who was trans in our home town.

But I just moved to the Pacific Northwest after college and lemme tell you, the culture shock was immense. Aside from going from a medium city with nothing to do, to a small town with less to do, to a big city with a Fuck Ton of Things, it's actually multicultural? All messages sent by my rental agency are in Spanish THEN English? People also seem to be wildly nice, but I have absolutely crippling social anxiety, so haven't done much interacting. There are also so many places to shop for various things, like Asian, Hispanic, and Greek markets. I'm so excited to go have pho again? Like, I had it in Chicago, then in Montpellier, but it was impossible to get back home.

And there's public transit! Which is great! I'm so glad I have the option! I just need to get back into therapy so I can use it!

I went to pride this weekend as well, right? It was my first pride. And the public school board was there. People were cognizant of police brutality. People knew what gender fluidity was!

Honestly, it's as much of a culture shock for me moving out here as it was doing my study abroad in France. And I'm still getting misgendered just as much. Though, I'm less afraid of getting the shit beat out of me if I correct someone. (And by afraid of getting the shit beat out of me, I mean getting in a fight. I am 5'2" and a hillbilly. They would be in for a fucking fight)

#pacific northwest #midwest #cultural differences #usa #ohio

[wilder-fangirl]

I really do be a compulsive liar when customers try to make conversation with me because i work in a pseudo-prestegious place full of people who know so much about technology and I'm just a person who turned down admission and scholarship into a kinda high level college because I felt pressured by my mother and was too afraid of change to leave home and has chronic burnout at 20.

- are you into software? - what do you mean by that? - well, my daughter is going to college for software development *rambles* - oh. well I'm currently majoring in marketing [at a shitty cheap online school because i'm too afraid I won't be able to keep up with a real college because I'm so lazy] and I'm formally trained as a seamstress [i've spent the last 5 years making couch cushions and once a year i have both the time and inspiration to make a sorta kinda artistic dress or jacket with horrible fucking technique] [not to mention i studied classical piano for 12 years and then i started working full time and i havent practiced for 3 years so all that work went down the fucking drain. i used to be good at one thing. i used to have something that made it so i was caught up with everyone else.]

[when i was in middle school i was in a little inseparable trio of friends. Michael was a professional violinist at 14. He knew taught me how to play Smashbros. Bella's dad was a NASA engineer. She was the most genuinely kind person this world has ever seen, and everyone and every animal loved her. I was the kid who was obsessed with the Scarlet Witch and a christian rock band no one had ever heard of. We drifted apart. Covid happened. I sat on my ass til my mom made me get a job. I feel like that day was yesterday, and i feel like i have never left that job. i feel like i am still racing around a store, trying to keep up with everything everyone was asking from me. i would come home and my feet would ache and i would stare at instagram for hours and form unhealthy bonds with strangers and i would sleep. we came out of it and they had made something of themselves. Michael is going to some college and he has pretty friends and they seem to be really close. Bella was always a homebody. She was always happiest when she was with her family and her birds and she was drawing. She still lives in the same house, and she's a graphic design major, and she has more birds. And she is happy. Michael hasn't responded to any of my texts in three years. I tend to leave Bella on read for months at a time.

I wasted a year in a 15 by 15 foot box. i slept and i became mean and so lonely. I lived thursday to thursday when I could see the pretty boy who made my world turn and make me believe i had a future. I thought I won too. all of a sudden after wishing for them for years, i had friends who loved me and who i loved. i was a valuable and valued part of a whole, just like i always wanted. and just as suddenly as those friends came, i wanted to push them away. i've ghosted all but two of them. I think this is who i've always been. an isolated half-person who's chained to a lit screen who talks about freedom but never pursues it.

But at least I have this job, right mom? at least i have a path to a future if i don't fuck it up. but sometimes she comes out when i'm within those silver walls. sometimes the girl who says she longs for people but sits alone in the corner even when people ask her to come out appears again. sometimes the girl who spent every day in the woods and every night in the biggest pile of stuffed animals you've ever seen is in the blue shirt and looking at the ipad and she is on the verge of tears and she doesn't know why or how she's here.

I live and work in the place of my childhood's ghost and i can see every stage of my life all at once and i call feel my inadequacy so intensely. i'm the youngest and most inexperienced person there and everyone treats me like their child or their little sibling and i love it but it makes me feel like i child and i get so scared of fucking up so i work harder than anyone else and dear God help me i am so tired and i give them everything so i have nothing to give to anyone or anything else, not even you. God i am so afraid i am trying so hard God I am a child trapped in an adults body just as i was an adult trapped in the body and mind of a child GOD WHY DID YOU MAKE US LIKE THIS. why do i constantly feel like i need to check my bank account even though i live at home and hardly pay bills and why do i ignore my friends and all their love why am i too tired to even text them back why did you make me think i am a loving person when i am really just some kind of skittish, reclusive animal that sometimes has delusions of being a man why can't i breathe in my dreams? i lie and i overcompensate and i achieve and i work and i am so lazy its like a profession.

everyone i work with is so incredible and they're so good at what they do and they have lives and hobbies and jobs outside of ours and they're sociable and friendly and interesting and extroverted and have significant others and families and have dreams and work towards them and do so much with their lives. i'm nothing besides my work. i come home and i watch tv and i play my little wizard game and tell myself i'll do something soon

my cousin is in harvard medical school and i write notes that a person cracked their phone screen and i try to explain to old people that they have to remember their passwords 30 times a day. my cousin is in mother fucking harvard medical school and i am on my bathroom floor writing to no one instead of making something of myself. he's the only person my age i share any genetics with. i cant help but see how differently we turned out. his father is a lawyer who works in DC and my father is a copywriter who still thinks he can work for WWE like he's dreamed of for the past 40 years. His mother is a cancer survivor and a statistician. my mother is an abusive bipolar orphan who has lived through horrors at the hands of every person who was supposed to love her. my cousin survived prep school AP classes and i survived living in my own head after being SA'd and having no one help me cope. what a fucking gamble life is

#help #the person i am asking for help tho is god #this is not a cry for help in general #just god #hey #dad #why'd you make me this way homeslice #what am i doing wrong

[ank01-fan]

Onboarding My Younger Sister To Bitcoin - Bitcoin Magazine

This is an opinion editorial by Santiago Varela, a bitcoin miner and writer from Mexico City.My sister turned 18 years old in the beginning of 2023 and I gave her a very unusual gift during this holiday season. Because I love her, I truly believe that the best gift I can give her is the orange pill.It all started with a letter that I wrote for her explaining the gift I was about to give her. Then, I handed her a copy of “The Bitcoin Standard” by Saifedean Ammous and a hardware wallet. However, that was just the beginning of a long process that we had to go through together if I really wanted to orange pill her.Of course, I was well aware that her first reaction to my surprise wasn't going to include the typical face of an 18-year-old girl opening her presents on a joyful Christmas morning. At first, she seemed more confused than excited. I have no doubt that she was expecting some nice pair of shoes or a cool gadget. I'm sorry sis, but that's how we maximalists roll. In the birthday/holiday letter, I pointed out three reasons why I was giving her this specific gift:- I want to set her on the path to financial freedom - I want her to be a sovereign woman in a fiat world where dishonest relationships have been normalized - As a high school senior who doesn't know what she wants to study in college, she could benefit from Bitcoin which might give her some ideas for what she wants to doThe long process of orange pilling my sister began with a quote from the prologue of “The Bitcoin Standard,” which I consider the perfect starting point. I asked her to read this quote over and over again before beginning the orange-pilling journey:“This book does not offer investment advice, but aims at helping elucidate the economic properties of the network and its operation, to provide readers an informed understanding of bitcoin before deciding whether they want to use it. Only with such an understanding, and only after extensive and thorough research into the practical operational aspects of owning and storing bitcoins, should anyone consider holding value in bitcoin. While bitcoin´s rise in market value may make it appear like a no-brainer as an investment, a closer look at the myriad hacks, attacks, scams, and security failures that have cost people their bitcoins provides a sobering warning to anyone who thinks that owning bitcoins provides a guaranteed profit. Should you come out of reading this book thinking that the bitcoin currency is something worth owning, your first investment should not be in buying bitcoins, but in time spent understanding how to buy, store, and own bitcoins securely. It is the inherent nature of bitcoin that such knowledge cannot be delegated or outsourced. There is no alternative to personal responsibility for anyone interested in using this network, and that is the real investment that needs to be made to get into bitcoin.”In the letter, I told her that I would help her set up the hardware wallet and I would send her a little bit of bitcoin. To begin, I sent her $10 worth of bitcoin. But then, to make sure that she invested time into acquiring the basic, necessary knowledge and to make her understand the proof-of-work philosophy, I promised that I would send her $100 worth of bitcoin for every chapter of the book that she read. Therefore, I prepared a quiz for each chapter to verify that she really read carefully. However, as someone who is deep down the Bitcoin rabbit hole, I knew that making her read the book to stack sats on her hardware wallet wasn't enough. That was nothing, we were just getting started. So, what was next in the orange-pilling journey? Every time that I crossed by any opportunity, I tried to convert that moment into a little Bitcoin lesson. For example, there was such an opportunity after my sister was assigned a project in her high school philosophy class. Knowing that I am a big fan of philosophy, she came to ask me for help. The project consisted of having a conversation with one of your family members but using the famous Socratic method for the conversation. If you don't know what that is, the Socratic method (named after Socrates) is “a form of cooperative argumentative dialogue between individuals, based on asking and answering questions to stimulate critical thinking and to draw out ideas and underlying presuppositions.” Obviously, we had a dialogue about Bitcoin and money using the Socratic method.Another thing I did in this orange-pilling journey was to show her a rabbit hole inside of the Bitcoin rabbit hole: bitcoin mining and energy. I love bitcoin mining and the energy aspects of Bitcoin. In fact, I love it so much that we have an ASIC in our garage. It wasn't really hard to make her grasp how passionate I am about home mining. Believe it or not, she had never even seen my ASIC (she had only heard the “brrrrrr”). Consequently, I took her to the garage and she got some hands-on experience. I also have my Bitcoin and Lightning nodes in the garage. That was a lot of fun because with tools like Mempool.Space and LnVisualizer I was able to help her see the tangible side of Bitcoin. This is when I really felt that it all began to come together.As you all likely know, knowledge about Bitcoin can’t be delegated or outsourced. When it comes to Bitcoin, there is no alternative to personal responsibility. Although I’ve told her that I’d love to help her with anything, I can’t guide her down the rabbit hole forever. You have to go down the Bitcoin rabbit hole by yourself. I guided her for a long time but the moment for her to embark on the journey for herself is here. Like Oscar Wilde once said: “Education is an admirable thing. But it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.”So, I began treating her like any other Bitcoin pleb out there and let her go down the rabbit hole by herself. The only thing I did was to send her a bunch of resources (articles, podcasts, videos, books, etc.) and let her go her own way. At the same time, I realized that I could do this with other kids that are about the same age as my sister. Even better, I realized that my sister could help me with this and introduce her digital-native friends to Bitcoin because, if you care about Bitcoin, you should onboard people individually. Accordingly, I’ve decided to turn our garage into a little Bitcoin academy. Although my sister was the guinea pig for this experiment (and, as I am writing, she is the only student that has attended Bitcoin academy), I have to give a big shout out to other Bitcoiners around the world who have shared educational content for anyone to use. For example, Mi Primer Bitcoin (from El Salvador) has an amazing Bitcoin diploma workbook that anyone can download for free. I have no doubt that initiatives like theirs or like Escuelita Bitcoin in Uruguay are what we need if we want a future with sovereign individuals. We need to teach the young. Hopefully, this inspires other Bitcoiners around the world to introduce their younger siblings to Bitcoin. I was inspired by initiatives like the ones mentioned above and by stories like the Denver middle schoolers who became Bitcoin entrepreneurs. With a little bit of luck, the next time I write an article for Bitcoin Magazine, it’ll be about Mexico City middle schoolers who became Bitcoin entrepreneurs. For now, stay humble and stack sats my friends. This is a guest post by Santiago Varela. Opinions expressed are entirely their own and do not necessarily reflect those of BTC Inc or Bitcoin Magazine. Read More Source by Read the full article

#BitcoinStandard #Culture #Opinion #OrangePill

[selfparasbym]

“Slow down you crazy child You're so ambitious for a juvenile”

Sadie was never quite patient. She was born in the middle of a snow storm in Memphis while her mother was working on her masters degree, and her father was beginning his career in the field of banking and finances. 

”I like the name Sadie,” her mother, Jocelyn finally said as they stared at the pink bundle blankets in front of the them. 

”Maybe Beth for the middle name,” Richard suggested after his favorite song by Kiss. “Sadie Beth Morgan. I like it.”  “But then if you're so smart tell me Why are you still so afraid? (mmmmm)”

When she was ten her parents had told her they were moving to Seattle; her dad was originally from London, and her mom was originally from deep in the heart of Texas, they had met when they were both doing undergrad work in Chicago, moved to Memphis for her mother’s grad work, and then had lived the last five years in Santa Fe.

Her dad had gotten a job as marketing director of a Seattle bank, which was going to be a lot of money, while her mother got a job at Seattle children’s working in the NICU doing swallow therapy. The move was one they promised was going to be permeant, but Sadie was hopeful they’d move back to Santa Fe eventually.  “Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out”

But the longer they stayed in Seattle the more she realized they weren’t moving back home. By the time she was 14 she had come to find Seattle home. Her parents were very career focuses and had set up very high standards for both Sadie and her younger brother Jeremy, 

Jeremey thrived under pressure, he had straight a’ and was dedicated to playing baseball. While Sadie crumbled under any sort of pressure, and made it by with C’s. 

She and her mother clashed over everything, while she and her dad only seemed to bond over music.  “You got so much to do and only So many hours in a day (Ay) But you know that when the truth is told That you can get what you want Or you can just get old”

High school was a disaster she spent most of her time barley getting through school; half of the time she was high during class the other half she was skipping. 

Her afternoons were spent working at the local record store or shop lifting lip gloss and panties from the mall. 

Her parents begged her to find a hobby, and the only club that would take her that didn’t seem lame was photography which started her love for taking photos.  “You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through (Oooh) When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?”

Of all the places post high school she ended up in Athens, Ohio at Ohio University studying photojournalism. Halloween of her freshmen year she was at a frat party when she got a call from her mother who was screaming and crying, she slowly left the party and ended up on a flight back to Seattle. 

Her younger brother’s life at 16 quickly ended due to a drunk driver, When she returned back to college she felt like she could ignore the grief, and in her mind her little brother was still alive.. A grief she never quite coped with.  “Slow down you're doing fine You can't be everything you want to be before your time”

The four years of college flew by, and her only two jobs offers she had gotten   were taking sports photos for a conservative university, or working for Seattle Met taking photos.. She hated sports, and living by her parents again didn’t seem appealing but in the end Seattle won.  “Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight) Too bad, but it's the life you lead”

”Did you get your apartment?” her co-worker Bea asked her as they walked through the building together coffee in hand. 

”I’ll be able to sign my lease next week, which thank god because I don’t want to wake up every morning to my mother doing her working yoga and talking about egg whites, while my dad is working out on the treadmill telling her the secret to health is red wine,” Sadie explained with a sigh. 

”Ironic you mentioned red wine when I think you got picked to cover a local brewery,” 

”That’s perfect I shotgunned a beer last night,” in her parents basement hiding from them because they wanted to talk about her lack of drive in life. Something she didn’t quite understand? she had a job. How was that not drive? “You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need Though you can see when you're wrong”

”So, how was the interview?” Bea asked as they both sat at their desk. Sadie picking the lettuce out of the wrap she had gotten for lunch. 

”I never quite understood why places insist on putting lettuce in wraps, nobody even likes lettuce,” she rambled on as she looked up at her co-worker. “The interview was good I got a lot of good photos.”  “You know you can't always see when you're right (you're right) You got your passion, you got your pride”

The interview ended up being more good, and the relationship formed between Daniel and Sadie ended up being something that was more than she could imagined. Every single thing seemed easy and fun.  “But don't you know that only fools are satisfied? Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true (Oooh) When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?”

The easy turned to fear when she got a positive pregnancy test, and her whole world was turned upside down. She didn’t quite know how to be a mother, and what if she was bad at it?

“You can no longer your beer tours with Sadie articles anymore,” Bea commented as they both stared at the pregnancy test on Sadie’s desk. Of course this series of articles was a new thing within the last year, so it wasn’t exactly a big deal in the magazine yet. “How are you going to tell Daniel?”

That was the moment her words finally started to sink in. “I don’t know. I’ve never told anyone i’m pregnant before,” nor had she ever been pregnant before. “Do I just tell him?”

“Slow down you crazy child”

All the ideas of how to tell Daniel didn’t quite seem to top the ironic baby onesie she found with a bottle of beer and a baby bottle on it that said “daddy’s drinking buddy” that, that was funny to her. 

Which was how she ended up telling Daniel leaving it for him on his desk while he was working.  “Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two (oooh)”

When Ivy was born she swore she was going to be the best possible mom to her, but then post-partum depression set in and she wasn’t quite sure what to do with herself. And she felt like she was trapped in a cycle of never quite being enough, and she wasn’t quite herself.  “When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?”

After six months of it she left. She left to try to find herself, got a job working for a travel magazine to that allowed her to take photos of anything she wanted.

But every time she went somewhere all she could think about was Ivy and what she was doing and if she missed her. Which hurt even more when she thought about Daniel and what he might be up to. 

She often wondered if he missed her, or even thought about her.  “And you know that when the truth is told That you can get what you want or you can just get old”

The years flew by and she knew she couldn’t be away from him anymore which led him to stopping by his house knocking on the door in the middle of the night praying that it wasn’t a wife who would answer, and that he was willing to hear her out.  “When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?”

[teachlong]

Growing up macklemore intro guitar

#GROWING UP MACKLEMORE INTRO GUITAR FULL#

Rudimental is an eclectic quartet of musicians known for a catchy blend of fast-paced dance music and soulful vocals from a rotating cast of guest singers. “But then my record label says, ‘It’s not right for your project, maybe you should give it to Rudimental.’ I played it for the guys and they’re like, ‘Yep, we’ll take that.’” “When you're working at Abbey Road Studios, you've gotta bring ya Mum.”“I wrote the song for myself, really,” he says. One of them was “These Days,” a rollicking kiss-off anthem for faithless lovers that shifts mid-song to a lament about the difficulty of finding human connection in the big city. In 2017, he started work on a full-length album and released a handful of polished singles. In 2016, he released a second EP, Badman, further refining his soul-meets-chamber-music sound. He performed on an album by the English singer-songwriter George Ezra. Since signing with Atlantic, Caplen has been on a tear. “I realized everything sounds a little better with a bit of strings on it. It’s way cheaper than getting the proper guys in,” he jokes. As a singer, producer, and multi-instrumentalist, Caplen says he’s hands on in the studio, right down to the string tracks. That recording caught the attention of Atlantic Records, who signed him a year later.

#GROWING UP MACKLEMORE INTRO GUITAR FULL#

He wasn’t yet working in music full time, but he was on his way.Ĭaplen spent the next two years recording more mash-ups and working on a self-produced four-song EP, Epiphany, which he released in 2014 under the name D/C. “I played it as my end-of-semester project, and my friends were like, ‘Put it up online!’” Three months later, Caplen had a manager. “I made this makeshift studio in my house by Market of Choice, and I recorded this thing,” Caplen recalls. It’s an energetic composition, resonant with strings and Caplen’s baritone voice. His first post was his final project for Leonard’s electronic music production class: a medley of music by four established artists-SBTRKT, Kid Cudi, Labrinth, and No Doubt-with his own vocals accompanied by rich layers of cello, hand claps, and instrument tapping. He started a Twitter account and a YouTube channel. When he returned to Portland for senior year, he was ready to start building his identity as an artist. He’s worth keeping around.’”Īfter completing his junior year, Caplen spent the summer interning at a London record company and writing songs. He told the powers that be, ‘Nah, he’s just in his basement recording and writing songs. “At one point, I was in danger of losing my music scholarship, because I was having trouble getting to orchestra. He’s deserving of all his success.”Ĭaplen credits Leonard as a major influence on his music and career. “He writes great hooks, really memorable melodies, and good lyrics. “The music business is very often not a meritocracy, but Dan’s got the goods,” Leonard says. But he also worked on producing his own music under the tutelage of music instructor Jeff Leonard, a bass player and composer who directs the college’s electronic music program. “During the flight on the way over, I thought I was going to Maine.”Īt Lewis & Clark, Caplen majored in psychology and played in the college orchestra and jazz ensemble. “I didn’t actually know where Portland was,” he jokes. It will cost less to go there than it will to university here,” Caplen says. “I thought, you know what, I’ll just go over there. He applied to Lewis & Clark at the urging of a family friend who attended the school in the 1980s. It seemed like an impossible dream.” That Caplen’s dream is becoming reality is no accident-it’s the result of years of hard work, dating back to his college years and before.Ĭaplen was born in England and grew up in Hong Kong and Kent, studying piano and cello on his own time and vocal music at St. “I never thought anyone could make money out of music. “I thought I was going to be working in a bank or something,” Caplen says. But to hear him tell it, he never expected to find a career in music. Caplen is, suddenly, a notable presence in British pop. The video for the song has been viewed more than 130 million times on YouTube. singles chart for 11 weeks, peaking at No. As of mid-April, the track had been near the top of the U.K. The 26-year-old wrote and contributed vocals to “These Days,” a hit for the British drum and bass group Rudimental. This spring, in the streets of London, the voice of Dan Caplen BA ’12 proved inescapable. (Robin Little/Redferns, Getty images)Dan Caplen BA ’12 For two young alumni, one of the keys has been to take their unique musical sounds abroad ―to the U.K. If you Google “tips for breaking into the music business,” you’ll instantly garner millions of hits. Dan Caplen BA ’12 and Ian Hooper BA ’08 create chart-topping hits abroad.ĭan Caplen BA ’12 performs live at O2 Academy Brixton in London on April 6, 2018.

#Growing up macklemore intro guitar