#I swear I'm going completely bonkers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

areyougonnabe · 1 year

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Tell us your favourite fact or piece of information about a polar expedition

this is the one that comes up in conversation the most that the people i'm talking to (fellow polar nerds) don't know - but basically, one of my areas of interest is THIS mfer, Sir Clements Markham. now let it be known i don't like him or "stan" him by any means i think he's for the most part a terrible person lolol but i am fascinated by him and have done a lot of research into his life and work:

most people know him as the guy above, the *ahem* controversial old fogey who was more or less the driving force behind the british end of the heroic age of polar exploration. but when he was a teenager, and looked like THIS:

he was on one of the early Franklin search expeditions in 1850-51, on board the Assistance under Captain Ommanney, sister of the Resolute under Captain Austin. this was his last journey with the Royal Navy - he only lasted about five years, he wasn't really cut out for the lifestyle (except for the parts where he got have intense life-destroying crushes on his superior officers) - but it was definitely the most impactful. it left markham with a singular, youthful and optimistic impression as to what polar exploration was all about. homosocial camaraderie, midwinter entertainment, effortful manhauling, geographical discovery, honor and bravery in service to the Empire. et cetera. (can you see where this eventually is going?)

this myth-through-experience grew and grew over his adult life as he worked his way up through the imperial bureaucracy, first at the India Office and later at the Royal Geographical Society, which was to be his most long-lasting professional association.

he participated in the organization of the Nares expedition in 1875, but when that was a resolute failure he bided his time until the 1890s, when support for antarctic discovery began to grow amongst the scientific establishment.

during the time that he was working on drumming up support for what would eventually become Scott's first expedition on the Discovery, in the mid-to-late 1890s, he was working on a, let's say, "private manual of devotion." this was a lengthy manuscript with an equally lengthy title:

James Fitzjames: the story of the friendship, devoted zeal for the service, high souled courage, self denial, and heroic deaths of 129 British Naval Officers and Seamen - A Romance based on information and on facts so authentic and so numerous that it must be very near to the truth.

as you can probably tell already. this was a piece of work. its first few chapters are indeed "based on information" - biographies of Franklin and his officers, often using details Markham received secondhand from men he'd met who actually knew them. (apparently he went around asking everyone he ever met if they'd known anyone on the FE and could they tell him about them which, relatable)

but then after the ships leave Disko and the historical record, the story turns to pure fancy. markham is, as you may have noticed from the title, absolutely obsessed with James Fitzjames to a psychosexual level. he was the "beau ideal" of an officer to Markham. (they never met!!! i might emphasize!!!!!) according to good old clem, if Fitzjames had been in charge of the expedition entire, it would never have perished - the fate that befell them was due to Franklin and Crozier's aged stiffness and inability to adapt.

going into detail about the rest of this frankly bonkers fanfiction would take ALL DAY i swear to god BUT highlights include: a self-insert character named "Baby" who swears fealty to Fitzjames, at least three midwinter theatricals described in detail incl. crossdressing, egregious and disgusting racism against the inuit, pop culture references, a complete and hilarious mix-up of the expedition ranks due to clem not having access to the full roster (jopson as caulker's mate!!!!), and of course lots and LOTS of men dying piously and nigh-erotically in each others' arms. of course there is no cannibalism whatsoever and the men are devoted to the naval hierarchy until the very end.

anyway, the fetishization of youth and inexperience which is visible in the story is quite glaringly tied to markham's selection of scott for the 1901 expedition. at the very least subconsciously, he wanted to recreate the FE with a "Fitzjames" in charge, thinking that would be the key to success.

and to that we can only say: LO fucking L.

#polar exploration

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cha-melodius · 8 months

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Hiii, congratulations on your milestones! I am not very good at prompts buuuut how about Napollya + some creepy abandoned house? Or a cemetery. Idk, it's not Halloween but I'm feeling spooky loool Feel free to go paranormal with it <3

(Outsmarted tumblr to answer this lmao. You said go paranormal and my brain said 'what about rival paranormal investigators??' Mark this down as another AU concept I never thought I'd write. Hope you enjoy it!)

chamel’s fandom fest info | read all the fics

The Harrowed and the Haunted

(napollya, 2.7k, T; read it below or on AO3)

The tiny blue car is already there when they arrive, tucked off to one side of the gigantic, decrepit mansion, and Napoleon swears under his breath.

“How did he even know we were coming here?” he complains. “No one knows this place.”

“Everyone knows about this place, Solo,” Gaby sighs from the passenger seat. “It’s a local legend. And you weren’t exactly subtle when you teased it as our next location in the podcast.”

Napoleon twists in his seat to look at her. “You think he listens to the podcast?”

She levels a look at him that he doesn’t know how to interpret. “You two are hopeless,” she says instead of answering him, then unbuckles her seatbelt and gets out of the car.

She’s already elbows deep into the equipment by the time he walks to the back end of the car, so he elects not to push her on what she means. Besides, the one time he’d tried, she ended up on some long tirade about how they’re obsessed with each other and it would be funny if it wasn’t so frustrating and also if she didn’t have to listen to him all the time. To which he had responded that she’s his best friend and morally obligated to listen to him complain about his nemesis.

Also, he’s not obsessed with Illya Kuryakin.

Yes, Napoleon watches all the videos Illya posts and reads all the stories he publishes on his blog. Of course he does, Illya is the competition. Napoleon has to keep up with the locations he’s visiting and the kinds of footage he’s getting so that he knows how best to make his own superior content. Because Napoleon has a secret weapon that means his videos are always in better resolution, with wider shots so you can see that he’s not just using tricks, and his data are more robust. That secret weapon is Gaby and the completely bonkers ghost detecting equipment that she builds.

Napoleon had been a skeptic when he started doing paranormal investigation; his whole schtick was proving that there weren’t ghosts in the places where the other guys had recorded their sightings. Then he’d met Gaby at a convention and she’d bet him fifty bucks that she could show him a site that not only had ghosts, but also that she could prove it with hard science. He’d been intrigued despite himself, and their partnership was born. The friendship came about fifteen minutes into that first trip, when it became obvious that they shared a similarly sarcastic, dark sense of humor and brutally pragmatic outlook on life.

Together, they still spend the majority of their time proving that locations aren’t haunted, but occasionally things happen neither of them can explain. Not that he’s convinced that the explanation is actually ghosts, but it’s certainly something outside the realm of known science. With Gaby’s help, his business really took off: there’s the YouTube channel that he started with, but now they have a wildly successful podcast as well. The Discovery Channel has made overtures about a show. Things are good.

At least they are when Illya Kuryakin isn’t around.

Illya came out of nowhere with his blog Prizraki and a fledgling YouTube channel of his own. He shouldn’t have ever drawn an audience because he has zero camera presence, for all his good looks. He’s not even in his own videos all that much since he’s a one-man operation. But. The man can write. The way he crafts a story, the sheer atmosphere of it—he more than makes up for the shoddy camerawork and rudimentary editing. Napoleon had thought his work would be easy to discredit, but Illya is thorough. Meticulous. Irritating, especially when he anticipates Napoleon’s next move and makes it his job that much harder. Napoleon would swear Illya has it out for him specifically.

So yeah, they don’t get along. Their rivalry is well-known among the paranormal investigation community at this point. And if he spends an inordinate amount of time following Illya’s content, it’s only because he has to, professionally. He certainly doesn’t enjoy it.

They find the man himself on the second floor, apparently scanning one of the rear bedrooms. He’s hunched over his device, which is emitting a random-sounding beeping as he moves slowly across the room. Napoleon and Gaby had been led there by the readouts on their own equipment, although things start going all funny once they get into the room. Napoleon is pretty sure it’s just the interference from Illya’s shitty gear.

“Got tired of coming up with your own ideas, Peril?” Napoleon says as they walk in, the ancient floorboards creaking under their feet.

Illya doesn’t bother to look away from his scan. “Don’t know what you are talking about,” he mutters. He finishes a sweep of the far wall and pauses. “I have plans to investigate this property for months. Check my website if you don’t believe me.”

Napoleon doesn’t, because he’s read every word of that blog and he never mentioned this property. Not that he’s going to tell Illya this.

His nemesis finally straightens and turns toward them, his usual sour expression somehow failing to keep him from being ridiculously, irritatingly gorgeous. Napoleon would wager that at least half of his subscribers are only there for the occasional eye candy. And look, Napoleon knows his own looks bring him hits—leverages it, specifically—but Illya pretends to be above all that, which is annoying. After all, his numbers had shot up rapidly after that one video where he’d somehow ended up shirtless while investigating some kind of haunted bog (and if Napoleon had watched that one any more than the others, it was only because he couldn’t get over the idea of a haunted bog, that’s all).

“I take it you haven’t found anything yet,” Napoleon counters, looking around the room. It’s largely empty at this point, save for a massive wardrobe that’s probably too heavy to move, the florid wallpaper faded and yellowed by time and marked by no small amount of water damage. “Not that I fault you for that, given your equipment.”

“I have found plenty—”

“Solo,” Gaby interrupts. She’s across the room, and when he turns to look she’s tucking her own scanner away and sliding a hand over the seemingly featureless wall. “I think there’s something here.”

Jackpot. Napoleon quickly crosses over to where she stands and starts carefully inspecting the wallpaper, his competitor all but forgotten behind them. Well, almost. The seam is well hidden, but it’s there, and Napoleon feels out the secret panel within minutes. When a door pops open, he turns back toward Illya and smirks with immense satisfaction.

“What was that about finding things?”

Illya just about growls at him.

“Look, while you two have this little pissing contest, I’m gonna go get my auxiliary power block,” Gaby announces before they can get going again. “There are some really wacky readings going on here and I think I’m going to need the boost.”

With that, she disappears out the door, and a moment later they can hear the clunk of her boots on the wooden steps.

“So, you are planning on leaving, right?” Napoleon asks.

“I was here first,” Illya grits out, and then the asshole just storms right past Napoleon and into the secret passageway, like he has any right to it.

Napoleon follows him, because he can’t not. The passage is narrow, barely wider than the span of either of their shoulders, and nearly pitch black save for the illumination provided by their flashlights and the meager light that filters in from the main room. The house is enough of a labyrinth that it could go almost anywhere; it’s promising, for sure.

“Only because you knew we were coming here,” Napoleon calls after him.

Illya stops a short ways down the passage and turns to glare at him. “You cannot prove that.”

“And we found the secret passage,” Napoleon continues. “If we weren’t here you’d still be going around in circles, chasing your own tail.”

“The discovery was inevitable. Maybe you sped it along, but now you are just in the way.”

Jesus Christ, this is going nowhere. Fine, Napoleon can be the magnanimous one, especially if he can use it later to argue that Illya was unreasonable. “Look, you wanna investigate right now, be my guest, but you can’t be here when Gaby gets back. Your equipment causes too much interference.”

Illya hesitates a beat. “She said you were getting strange readings. What kind?”

“Like I’m going to tell you,” Napoleon scoffs.

“Did you have to learn to be this much of an asshole, or were you born this way?”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from the guy who—”

He doesn’t get to finish that thought, because suddenly it sounds like every door in the house slams at once, including the one to the bedroom that they’d left open. They both jump a mile, startled out of their skins, and Napoleon whirls to look behind him, though of course there’s nothing there.

“Wind gust?” he tries weakly.

He doesn’t even blame Illya for the exasperated look he gets in response. They both know there hadn’t been even a light breeze, plus, he can feel it. Illya probably can too. There’s something about the atmosphere that makes his skin crawl and his hair stand up on end, and as a professional ghost hunter, that’s not easy to do. He’s learned to trust his gut, and it’s telling him something is definitely hinky here. He walks back over to the door, but there’s no handle on the inside, which seems like poor design for a secret passageway.

“Not getting out this way,” he tells Illya. “Maybe the other side?”

“We don’t know where it goes,” Illya counters. “Should we not just wait for Gaby to return?”

He’s got a point, but Napoleon really doesn’t like being cooped up in here. He’s not claustrophobic, but there’s a closeness to the air that goes beyond what can be explained by the narrow space. Not that he’s going to let on what’s driving his decision.

“Wait if you like,” he says with a shrug. “I’m going to do what I came here to do.”

Except Illya is standing between him and the rest of the passage, which is really not large enough for the two of them to easily pass by each other. Still, there’s nothing for it; Napoleon starts walking toward him, assuming Illya will get out of the way, only when he’s less than a stride from the other man, he trips.

He’d like to pretend the floorboards were uneven, but it feels like something fucking winds around his ankle, effectively binding his legs and sending him sprawling into Illya. At nearly the same time, there’s a loud pop and the bulbs in both of their flashlights just about explode in a shower of sparks. The end result is that Illya is too surprised or too distracted to stay upright himself, and they tumble to the ground in a heap with none-too-few curses in both English and Russian.

“Get off of me,” Illya protests, trying to shove Napoleon away, and Napoleon would like to, truly, but one of Illya’s elbows caught him in the diaphragm and he can’t exactly breathe at the moment.

“Gimme a fucking minute,” he manages, trying to catch his breath while simultaneously ignoring how he’s managed to land pretty much astride one of Illya’s very muscular thighs. There’s not exactly a lot of room here for him to maneuver, anyway, and in the pitch dark the very last thing he wants to do is put a hand somewhere it shouldn’t go. He manages to fish his phone out of his pocket, hoping for an alternative light source, only to find it won’t turn on. “Damn. Phone’s dead.”

“Think it was an EMP,” Illya groans. “Will knock out—”

“I know what an EMP is,” Napoleon snaps, then he sighs heavily. “I don’t suppose you have a lighter?”

Illya doesn’t answer, but a moment later there’s a faint snick and a small flame flickers to life, washing the two of them and the passageway in a faint orange glow. It also reveals the deep scowl on Illya’s face. “Now will you get off?”

“Aw, but I was just starting to enjoy myself,” Napoleon teases. And then, because he can’t resist an opportunity to fluster the other man in any way possible, he gives his hips a little wiggle.

Something flashes in Illya’s gaze, though he can’t quite read it in the flickering light. “Do not start something you do not intend to finish, Cowboy,” he growls.

Which is— Napoleon cannot have heard that right. He hit his head on the way down, maybe, except for the fact that he knows he didn’t; he landed on Illya’s ample chest, which he still hasn’t really moved from. Their faces are no more than a handful of inches apart. Illya takes a deep breath in and out under him, and the thigh between Napoleon’s shifts slightly. Napoleon licks his lips, and Illya’s eyes follow the movement.

“Who says I don’t?” Napoleon manages, his voice tighter than he’d like. “And what about you? I thought you hated me.”

“Too pretty,” Illya murmurs. “Annoyingly so. Anyway, you hated me first.”

Napoleon can’t help the soft puff of laughter that escapes him. “Gaby says I’m obsessed with you.”

“Is that so?” Illya asks with a smirk that Napoleon would kind of like to bite.

“I’m not,” Napoleon protests, but he doesn’t get a chance to get any more out because Illya tugs him down into a kiss.

Napoleon shocks himself by kissing him back, tilting his head until their mouths fit perfectly together, letting his arms go out from under him until his body is fully pressed up against Illya’s again. It’s hard and it’s fast and it’s filthy, and Napoleon can’t get enough of it. Illya’s hands go to his waist then slide down to his ass, which he grabs enthusiastically, pulling Napoleon’s hips closer as his rock up against Napoleon’s thigh.

He never thought— never let himself think— Fuck. He wants Illya Kuryakin so badly he can hardly breathe, which is a pretty fucking novel revelation right about now. He doesn’t even notice that Illya has dropped the lighter, plunging them into darkness, until there’s a loud creak outside the passageway and the door rattles in its frame.

They startle apart, or at least try to; Napoleon attempts a roll sideways, but there’s not really any place to go, so he just kind of ends up jammed next to Illya, his heart climbing into his throat because he’d maybe gotten so caught up in the moment that he’d forgotten that they’re in a fucking abandoned house that supposedly haunted, with actual weird phenomena happening around them, and he’d really rather not die—

The door rattles again, then swings open to reveal Gaby holding a lantern in one hand and her bag of equipment in the other. She takes one look at them and her eyebrows climb all the way up to her hair.

“Oh, thank god,” Napoleon exhales heavily. “You didn’t get hit by the EMP?”

Gaby frowns at him. “What EMP?”

“The one that exploded our flashlights and turned our phones into bricks.”

“That’s not how EMPs work,” she says flatly. “Care to explain how that relates to… literally any of this?”

Napoleon winces. “Not really?”

The look she gives him quite clearly says that he’s not getting out of any part of said explanation, even if she’s willing to let it go for the moment. “So. Ghosts?”

“Apparently so,” Napoleon groans as he attempts to extract himself now that he can actually see where he’s going.

“And we’re… collaborating?” she asks, looking pointedly at Illya.

Napoleon glances over to find Illya staring at him uncertainly, which is probably fair considering they’ve discussed precisely nothing about this. Still. He looks back at Gaby.

“Apparently so.”

~~~~~

(The Haunting of McAllister Mansion is their first joint video, published simultaneously on both channels; it breaks all their previous records for views, likes, and comments.

The latter are split between people confused because they were sure Napoleon and Illya hated each other, and those who just comment: called it.)

#napollya #napoleon x illya #tmfu #the man from uncle #the man from u.n.c.l.e.#napoleon solo #illya kuryakin #tmfu fic #tmfu fanfic #napollya fic #napollya fanfic #chamel's fandom fest #my fic

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weirdnaturalscience · 5 months

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The one time you can find an "evolution of man" poster that depicts a woman it's most likely about that woman becoming a bimbo, and it puts her in heels and all sorts of suggestive and sexual positions. Thanks, google! Love that for us as a species which prides itself on doing ""serious science."" Love that I can't just look for such an innocuous thing (evolution of woman!) without being bombarded with reminders of misogyny. Could people like, pretend to view women as people, or pretend to at least understand that women evolved alongside men and are not just sexual objects? Anyway. Now you're going to hear my rant on this idea of "the dumb slut."

Alright! The phrase "dumb slut" is of course highly misogynistic but it's also fascinating to me. Here's why: with weird accuracy it communicates this belief about human abilities that was popular around the heyday of scientific racism. The extremely racist jist of this belief system is that physicality and intelligence lie on opposite ends of a spectrum. Now, what we know about intelligence nowadays is that it's nothing like this whatsoever and this is bonkers and unscientific in so many ways, but racists dont care about facts and never will, so. Anyway. They held that Black people were too far on the physical end of the spectrum and Asian people were too far on the intellectual end of the spectrum. You see this reflected in racist stereotypes today about Asian men lacking sexuality and the myriad stereotypes that overly sexualize Black women and men, deeming especially Black men as sexually threatening. In this racist worldview, or course, white people are in the middle where everything is just right. How convenient and disgusting.

So where does this leave women? White women, that is, because we're talking about violent racists here. Well, they've gotta underline that these white women are still inferior to white men, so they view them as more animalistic than men. Less evolved, you could even say. The complete lack of a woman on the evolution poster emerging from the mists of time I'm all her homo sapiens glory starts to be a bit more maddening. Women are unimportant, we are reminded. Less intelligent than men. "Dumb."

(Blackwell, a woman and contemporary of Darwin, wrote to him that while his theory of evolution was nice and all, he had forgotten that the females evolved too, alongside the males, or this whole survival of the fittest thing wouldn't work, and isn't that important? ....He assumed she was a man. Also he was too sexist to consider female animals as important.)

So anyway, women have to be sexual but not TOO sexual because a woman in charge of her sexuality is scary and bad. Remember that physicality vs intellect thing? It seems very related to the idea of women on a spectrum from dumb, hot and sexual to smart, unattractive and frigid. I see this stereotype around me constantly, this idea that sexual women are dumber and less attractive women are smarter. It's INSANE! This is insanity! How is this shit still circulating?

Some of it just feels like patriarchal wish fulfillment, also. Smart women can think for themselves and may resist male control. Therefore, let's hope all women interested in sex are not smart!

Question to sexist men: if all the women interested in you are dumb, for the sake of argument, what does that say about you, exactly?

I'd also like to talk about the word slut for a minute. See, here's the thing. Some people want to reclaim the word slut and that's valid but here's my take:

Sluts don't exist. Slut is a word to refer to a woman who likes sex and that's bad. No such woman exists. File not found. Sorry. Like, no. Women who love sex exist. Women who hate sex exist. Women who want to have sex with multiple partners exist. Women who masturbate exist. Women who love sex and that's bad? They don't exist. Why? Because women being sexual isn't bad and never was. I'm so done with this bullshit. I swear to God if I have to even hear the phrase dumb slut ever again... and don't come at me with the whole "no a slut is a woman who cheats" thing. Men will call a woman a slut if she's a FAITHFUL AND WAS JUST A VIRGIN BEFORE HER ONE RELATIONSHIP. OKAY? Cheating is an entirely separate issue, and men who cheat.....not called sluts.

Leaving the discussion of homo sapiens for a minute, females primates love sex, by the way. Female primates maaaaaaaaaay love sex more than male primates at times. Female bonobos rub their clitorises together on average every TWO HOURS. Okay???????? Two HOURS! Are you hearing this? We are very closely related to these animals! Hello! They are having like.... OLYMPIC levels of sex! It's actually really impressive.

I'm sick of this idea that women wanting sex is bad or even rare! The only reason people think women have lower sex drives than men is the SHAME WE ATTACH TO FEMALE SEXUALITY! Add a dash of the threat of considerable violence against women in many cultures across the world and the pervasive lack of birth control options and here we are. Meanwhile our close female primate relatives are perfectly happy initiating sex, having gay sex, rubbing their clitorises on males, screaming until they attract male attention...you name it, they've done it and honestly, you go girls.

Female primates get oral sex from males. Female BATS get oral sex from males, but that's less relevant.

Sluts don't exist. Dumb sluts doubly so. If being a slut were even possible it would definitely not be a dumb course of action, you dumb mother FUCKERS. Listen: compared to other primates homo sapiens have like INSANE amounts of sex. Like our time would have been better spent foraging for food. EXCEPT there were reasons for this insane amount of sex: inciting male-male competition (this is public sex need I remind you), sex as courtship, a way of females to assess male fitness directly (stamina), female access to males, not to mention more complex social and hierarchical reasons, because primates are nothing if not constantly creating complex social systems to compete within.

Ever notice how we NEVER linguistically associate sexuality with stupidity in men? Yeah because we don't. We praise sexuality in men and associate wit with attributes like drive and determination, even creativity. We're never like look at that dumb slut trying to talk to women at the bar. Look at that dumb slut, he wants to get laid, after which he will become even dumber. Yet it feels like everywhere is this narrative of the hot woman with the "empty head," even the idea that fucking is going to make women stupider!!!!!! (Do you guys have brain damage? Are you for REAL right now? Do you believe like some medieval peasant who never bathes that the thoughts are being sucked straight out of a woman's brain through her clitoris? Please stop immediately and never speak again.)

The take home message is this!!!!!!! Not to discount that asexuality exists and is 100% normal and natural, our species BY AND LARGE is kind of nymphomaniac and that's okay too. We've somehow convinced everyone that human women are less sexual than human men???? and then when women protest because they want to get laid we're like YOU HORRIBLE SLUT! Just to add insult to injury we call back into play this idea that sexuality and intelligence oppose each other. Which, again, has no basis in fact, but does have a basis in soundly debunked racist dog shit.

Sluts don't exist. "Dumb slut" is a phrase that makes misogynistic ideas all too apparent in their ugliness: lies about female inferiority, lies about female sexuality, sexist mens' wish-fulfillment about a sexual but controllable woman.

You know what women did not evolve for? This shit.

#rants

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daegall · 2 years

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?!#. BEST FRIENDS DO THAT . . . RIGHT?

welcome to sunny (aka user daegall)'s 1k event !

as you all (might) know, I, sunny, have hit 1k followers on my blog ! thank you to every follower, reader, moot, supporter for making this milestone that I didn't think I could achieve come true. I couldn't have done it without you guys, truly.

the theme is : best friends to lovers !

after lots of contemplation, lots of feedback from readers, I've decided to make the theme best friends to lovers since, not only do I love writing, but I love reading this trope too!

since I wanted this event to be for sunflowers to find lots of fics when they want, I first intended the event to be for any trope. But since I have a certain attachment towards this certain trope (and I already made the header HAHA i . i am not good at editing) i thought it should focus on this trope.

I apologize to those who may be disappointed or disagree, but I thought for something that I want to celebrate, I want it to have something I'm attached to :)

and of course, as a huge sunflower and a hyuck enthusiast, this event is dedicated to none other than our ray of sunshine, Haechan !

rules !

if you do intend to participate in this event (which i thank you completely for, it would make me more than happy ^^) please do make the work sfw! i am a minor, and of course am not comfortable with anything nsfw. suggestive is allowed, just not too much hehe

tag me !!! this is probably mandatory in case your work doesn't show up in the tags ^^

if you do want to use the tags, the tag will be #daegall 1k event !! feel free to post as many works as you like, there is minimum/maximum word count, as long as it has haechan, and the bff2l trope (and is sfw), anything is fine ! more on the fluffy side, more angst, crack? as long as the idiots get together, I want it :)

this event will be going on for about a month and a half, starting officially on the 14th of June, 2022, and ending on August 31st, 2022 ^^ hopefully that's enough time for you guys, but if you do post a work after and say that it was originally meant for this event, i will 100% include it (since i've probably done that too HAHA)

have fun!!!!!! go bonkers make haechan and reader do the randomest shit ever, make them go on (not so) platonic dates or get wasted or go swim in the dead of night where they know they are not allowed to (and yet still get caught by a security guard) i will literally love you if you participate just a little bit in this event i swear

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wontgodowninhistory · 5 months

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「 🌈 : @araneorum 」plotted starter

family video on a wednesday afternoon was normally very uneventful. this one was no different - that was until a customer that could only be described as ‘bonkers hot’ in robin buckley terminology appeared at the counter. the woman was voluptuous, bald and heavily tattooed - beautiful in a way that hawkins had never seen the likes of and probably never would again. the way she stared with a dumb smile on her face said it all. robin was completely smitten.

“hi, i’m…” for a moment she literally forgot her own name. “uh. robin…i guess that’s obvious…name tag and all…” fingers fiddled around nervously with the plastic pin that read ‘robin b’ affixed to the green smock she wore over her gray shirt and tie. ‘shut up robin, shut up!’ for once her mouth cooperated with her brain. that would be extremely short lived. looking down at the stack of videos on the counter her eyes widened. this woman was renting porn. but not just any porn. lesbian porn. “wow…” she wasn’t exactly sure what else to say. “i’ve never seen any of these.” could she sound any dumber? sure. just give her time. momentum was building.

the woman laughing in response gained steve’s attention and he had to turn around to be nosy and see just what was going on. robin could feel his eyes on the back of her head. she was mortified - but that wasn’t the end of it. oh no. a question spoken in the hottest british accent she’d ever heard followed the chuckling - ‘i’ll show you more than these videos ever could. how much are you willing to pay for it?’ jaw dropped. had she heard her correctly? this sent robin into a full blubbering buckley rant.

“i don’t have any money. i’m poor. like really really poor.” she blurted out what was not only very embarrassing but also a sad reality. robin didn’t have more than five dollars to her name until friday. “but what i could do is comp your rental with my employee discount.” well wasn't that sexy? a nerd offering something equally as nerdy? she hated herself. this, of course, was her way of saying that she was very much interested in this proposition. after the words were spoken, robin found herself looking around nervously to be sure that no one else had heard her. being discreet was just embedded into her dna. no one was around aside from the british beauty, herself and nosy steve.

she continued on. “i could also offer you one of these family video gift cards - but it won't have money on it until friday. i swear i'm good for it." now her hands moved in an animated way as she just kept going and going. "or popcorn…or just about any candy we have.” she’d pay for all of that on friday too if that’s what it took. when she finally did stop speaking she was an equal amount of flushed and flustered. unable to maintain eye contact she realized that this could all be some kind of a joke - she’d taken the bait and made a complete ass of herself.

#araneorum #「 robin x draven (001 / araneorum) 」#「 🌈 hey dingus your queue is here : queued 」#( add to thread tracker )#「┊🌈 ┊ ( closed starter. ) 」#「┊🌈 ┊( interactions. ) 」

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kaylor · 1 year

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This might sound so weird but it is alittle reassuring to see people on this blog acknowledge the cosmetic work Taylor has gotten done purely because I’ll be honest most of these big swiftie blogs had me truly convinced that there’s a magical bra that is making her boobs bigger and that somehow she was able to grow them more in her late 20s. I swear I thought maybe that might happen for me 😭😭 or that hey maybe I’m just being rude for even suggesting she might have gotten something done. The power of fans spinning a dominating narrative is just so intense sometimes that I start doubting logical conclusions cuz they just say these things with such confidence and question your morals if you stray even slightly from their narrative.

for real!! i'm so glad i'm not the only one who was like oh maybe i will also magically grow boobs in my mid twenties! and then be devastated when that just obviously never was going to happen. the way swifties behave in terms of The Official Narrative and What We Are Allowed To Say About Her is cult-like tbh, and completely fucking bonkers insane and super alienating. you wouldn't believe the amount of people i've had in my inbox over the years claiming i'm "not a real fan" or that i "maybe don't even like her" because i DARE to question the party line. if you aren't a taylor swift enjoyer in their specific way you're simply not allowed to be a taylor swift enjoyer. they're complete lunatics.

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pls-insert-25cents-to-continue · 7 months

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I wrote this several years ago on my old blog and was thinking on it. It's still true. So I'm sharing here as well....

What's wrong with you?

I got asked this today. Twice. Both times elicited a different response.

The first person who asked was a friend and given that it was meant in a joking manner, my response was "Shit. I forgot to carry the folder with the list of things the doctor's at the asylum gave me. Do you think I'm going to get in trouble for that?"

The second person I'd never seen, met or spoken to before and my response was "Uh..."

Totally brilliant right? I thought so. It was eloquent, witty and just all around perfect in shape, form and fashion. Truly, I have the most astounding wit. It is unmatched and unparalleled and this stranger was duly impressed with me and now we're so totally besties.

Not!

So what is wrong with me? The only answer I can come up with is I'm human. That's what's wrong with me. I'm human and can be inanely stupid, sparklingly brilliant, off the wall bonkers, or just fucking mean at any given moment. I'm made up of millions upon millions of different thoughts, ideas, feelings, memories that all get packed together into this tiny little space and what comes out is, well, this person that walks around I call Me.

She can be a real pain in the ass at times and utterly adorable at others (if only you could see me laughing at myself right at this moment).

Course that's not how anyone ever means the question. No, it can't be as simple as that and bet you money if you answer it with "I'm human" they will roll their eye at you and walk away (unless they are that really great sort of person that snorts and laughs--in that case you should immediately pounce on them and become friends. Seriously. Do not let people like that get away. Those are the type of people who when you say someone pissed you off, grab your hand and go skipping down the lane with you singing "We're gonna beat someone up." You want those types of people in your life, but I'm digressing here--I do that). They want you to somehow supply them with a real answer. One that that fits into their idea of the world.

Fine, sit down. This is going to take a while.

Hahahaha! No, I'm not going to list a shit load of faults for you people. That's silly, because that's not the answer those people want either. They don't give a shit what actually makes your brain tick or why you are the way you are. What they really want to know is where the hell you got the balls to open your mouth and say that without thinking twice about it. Especially if it's something that wouldn't be said around polite company. Even more so if it's some hot button issue where there ain't any doubt whatsoever that someone is going to take offense.

They are probably jealous that they aren't brave enough to say something like that themselves.

OK, I lied a little. My filter (you know the one that keeps people from saying inflammatory shit off the cuff at the exact wrong time?), yeah it's got a short in it. It works a hell of a lot better when someone is paying me to be nice, I admit. Not that I'm not nice. I generally am pretty nice to be honest, but seriously, I have trouble with these random trains of thoughts that push the well thought out reasoned response I have out of the way, beat the fuck out of it with a baseball bat before gang raping it and then jumping out of my mouth before I know what's happened. The results can be... Uh... Pretty messed up at times. Sometimes it's this nervous babble complete with giggle and other times these outrageous statements that have everybody backing up a few steps (except for those few special people like I mentioned before).

Because of this, I spend most of my time with my mouth shut (unless I'm among friends like I stated before) around people I don't know well. I am not well socialized. (I am well adjusted. Swear. Got the paperwork to prove it. We don't need no medication.)

I lost the point again. What the heck is wrong with you doesn't actually require an answer. I just have the insane urge to try and answer people when they say it. And it is insane, because really they don't care what the answer is. They have already made their judgement based on whatever tom dickery, kinky fuckery, jaded blast, or violently uttered statement that just came tripping out of your mouth and it's done. You don't get that moment back. You can't do it over. You are now the raving lunatic, or possible deviant in their mind and that's that. They might warm up to you eventually, at some later point, when they realize how harmless you actually are (and yes I'm fairly harmless. Mostly harmless anyway. Did I mention I carry a titanium spork for personal protection? See? Mostly harmless), but that first impression lingers.

Of course, if whatever came out of your mouth was interesting enough to make them really want to know what the heck is wrong with you, they'll stick around to find out. They'll keep coming back. I've made several good friends this way, thank all the little gods above and below.

I know I'm not the only person who does this, who acts like this. Trust me. I'm surrounded by them at work on a daily basis. Truthfully I think most people wish they could be more like that. I mean, I've never heard anything just randomly blurted out that I found was offensive (that is NOT a challenge universe. Swear!). Most of it I think is pretty funny. Some of it a little strange, but I like it! I like it a lot. That's how I know that if I can get past this nervous babble thing I've got going on (I can even freaking babble in emails as well as IM conversation. Honest. It's a skill, I'm telling you), and gather my courage well enough, we'll probably end up being friends.

I'm not real good at it, never be the social butterfly, but at least I'm trying.

I like making those friends smile after we are friends even more. I love making them smile in fact. My day is better if I've made someone in that small group of special people I call friends smile.

So what the heck is wrong with me?

I'm me.

Now what the heck is wrong with you?

No I actually want to know. I want to know what makes you you. Be you for me. Be unique. Don't hold back. I want to know what makes you tick. I honestly do, because... Well because you are human like me. Imperfect. Crazy. Horrible. Violent. Loving.

Wonderful.

What the heck is wrong with you?

#my writing #writers #writing #whats wrong with me #whats wrong with you #human #being human

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bugtransport · 1 year

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bitches be like "cant stand plotlines about the power of desire, they make me feel too much" and then watch OOO and donbros. okay OOO was an uninformed accident and donbros is bonkers and theres no way i could have possibly figured out a single plot point that happened before i actually started the show but [we irritating pic] we suffering 😂😂😂 if it wasnt fucking clear by that intro: im bitches (these are my thoughts for today under the cut)

look i'm approximately 60 years old on the inside. you might think i'm cool and fresh and in my mid twenties but that's all a ruse. nothing makes me feel older than watching someone navigate a crush for the first time (if anyone is going to bring up hongo i don't... i don't actually know what i'll do but it'll be something and it'll be drastic. don't look at me, look away actually, we're talking about sonoi here. and shut up as well.)

i hate sonoi so fucking much he haunts me. what is wrong with him. i say this but also i know exactly what's wrong with him and it's that he's never had a crush before and is acting up. I HATE THINKING ABOUT IT OH FGUCKIGN its like he's at that stage where you like someone a lot and you just cant look at them. at all. or is that a me thing and im embarrassing myself publicly again. i swear this is a common occurrence-

he's at that stage where he's overthinking everything that happens with tarou. he's both convinced that he should not be around tarou because he doesn't want his feelings to get in the way of his mission or whatever but also he's sending tarou a proxy with a message from him? and getting upset when it's delivered wrong?? my man is out here listening to sononi go off about a completely unrelated couple and internalizes fucking all of it and this is the man you're trying to tell me doesn't understand art? look buddy i'm not about to go off on a tangent about what art is and what makes art good in my opinion (i will some other time. ask me about clothespin. i will go off.) but i'm pretty fucking sure an unrelated thing causing you to feel an emotion or think about a situation in a different way is like. that's definitely what goes on with art. what the fuck. can't stand his ass.

nobody in this show is the least bit self aware and i know that's fucking rich coming from me mr. "oh yeah no i'm just ignoring this thing about myself because i'm too busy right now and can't deal with it." at least i'm aware i'm a dipshit if nothing else?!

might switch tracks a little bit here but ive said it before with tarou... lemme just fucking slurp the tweets actually come to think of it ive half typed this up already and i can totally save myself some time

yeah there we go that's better. sorry this is yet again me talking about The Subjectivity of Truth. i bamboozled you! i drew you in with promises of gay people! but instead it's me! i'm the gay person. i'm the gay person and i'm talking about the subjectivity of truth again. look we'll get there again i swear there's a thread i'm following here you'll just have to humor me for a bit because...

main point: if you couldn't tell, i don't trust sonoi. i mean okay yeah no that comes off a little harsh; i don't trust any of the nouto in the same way, but it's not like. it's not personal. i don't trust anyone in this fucking show i think they're all incredibly biased and it's been shown many times that things that a character believes to be true just can straight up not be.

sorry, like: we have the goddamn crane juuto. we have the goddamn crane juuto whose whole fucking Deal is that it creates stories. and haruka. and like fuck me i suppose but i think that having two characters Explicitly there to tell stories is a little much for me to take anything anyone says at face value.

[total sidebar here: holy shit i loved seeing natsumiho and haruka interact in this ep. girlbosses but also haruka following her around for inspiration was really funny considering what she is. i have more i could say about this but now is not the time!!]

what we've seen of ideon so far (which, i mean, is not a lot, it's really not a fucking lot) but their world is very much designed to not lead to cultivating a population who desires. maybe this is a nature vs. nurture debate. do the nouto not desire because at their core they are unable to or at least somewhat immune to it or do they not desire because they haven't been shown desires to have. it seems quite strongly that they believe the former but that the reality is the latter. if nothing else they seem to all have the desire to learn more about humanity. do i think this will ever be touched on? FUCK no i don't expect anything. i like it though.

man idk. i really don't buy sonoi saying (back in the cafe when he was all fucked up and red no less) that the nouto are unable to turn into hitotsuki. i don't trust like that half because i don't trust sonoi further than i could throw the man but also because [here is the gay shit i promised earlier i told you we'd come back to it i would never tell a joke] i think watching him get corrupted by his own desire for tarou would make me feel 10 million emotions and absolutely shatter like i'm a prop glass and the universe just smashed me over someone's head. i think i would legitimately have to take a day off work if that were the case. i think that would rule and whip and fuck and every single other word that you can possibly think of. i think that would chop my balls off. i want that to happen so bad i cannot put it into words and it's sure as shit not for a lack of trying. i'm doing my absolute best here.

do i think this will happen? absolutely not lol i just like the concept. although come to think of it i know that the don clan created the juuto but did they ever say what they created them... from? would be fucked up if that's what happens when a nouto gets infected with desire. do i believe that's what actually happened? who knows... i just think it would be fun. i am allowed to think about the idea for no reason but i think it would be fun :)

sorry for going off about the subjectivity of truth again! actually i'm not sorry that was really fun for me <3 i feel relatively more normal now but ugmghhhhmh i cannot wait for sonoshi to show up uh i know i'm gonna be really normal about him and if he tears himself out of my hand and onto my open and waiting csp canvas like you're just gonna have to be cool about this. you're gonna have to understand. some bitch showing up to fuck things up in the 3rd quarter is what i NEED okay actually there's already quite a lot of fucking things up in the third quarter that's happening right here but new blood. new blood! new blood!! and he's red!

[exhales really deeply] okay cool i got that out of my system. i'm not looking to workshop any of these ideas unless idk, you really want to. don't feel like you need to respond to anything that i'm saying here. i'm just making spaghetti, brother. sometimes you need to sit in your brain and sort things out and make a big pot of spaghetti. that's all this is. this is me trying to put my thoughts into words which i want to train myself to be better at again, and if longform donbrothers posting is how i must do it, so be it. this is you looking into my mind if you care to do so and saying "damn, bitch, you live like this?" and it's true, i do. every single fucking day of my life i am plagued with the capacity to think. god bless

#making spaghetti #i dont know if this makes any sense i barely proofread it so just bear with me

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gailthulu · 2 years

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I hate to be blunt but my uh my cousin's evil husband left a bowl of antifreeze out for all the neighborhood cats, which eats their stomach and intestines from the inside out, INCLUDING neighbors "barn cats". In my town garbage bags FULL of completely mutilated cats were found. They caught the guy but the damage was done. There was another kid in my neighborhood who did that, a kid at school who bragged about killing animals, the older class got sent home from a friend trip early cause kids went into a tractor supply and killed baby chicks. The police and animal control just tell everyone to shoot the roaming pets in their yards, and they absolutely do. What does everyone have to do to get through to you people just list every case of animal death there is? Oh but that's "triggering". Hm. Sad. Do you think the monsters in every neighborhood constantly killing outdoor pets are doing so in a humane manner? NO. They're mutilating them! Google it. Google what a pet looks like skinned alive, one crushed into the pavement, a burned one etc. If you can't even type it into Google how the HELL are you allowing it to happen to your babies? It's sick! What's next "my six month old infant has a brain so I'm gonna let it eat poison in traffic"? If you really don't care about valuing life then don't comment and don't own any living things. But you're not gonna give your uninformed, boldly ignorant opinion on animal care that will get people's pets and local wildlife killed in horrible ways. "Working cat" LMAO. I was raised on a farm, worked at stables and the local conservation facility. You don't know basic husbandry? You can't be bothered to educate yourself or even listen to experts. Animal abuse and neglect goes hand in hand and you shouldn't be allowed to own animals if you're going to throw them to predators, cars, and poison, etc... Here's hoping someone who can be bothered to give a shit confiscates your animals lol

my brother in christ, what the fuck-

not sure when you sent this bc i don't check my asks but like, instead of writing a goddamn novel telling me off for a comment i left on a post probably years ago, maybe put that energy towards rescuing an animal or something.

my views have changed a bit since that comment, assuming I'm thinking of the one you got so indignant about. of course i don't think letting animals, specifically pets, out by themselves is a good idea. domestic cats are like, the #1 cause of the songbird population decreasing (and if i remember right, the extinction of some). i also know people are sick and twisted serial killers in the making that will do terrible things to stray animals. but i swear to god if someone condescends to me like I'm a stupid fucking baby who doesn't know anything again i think i will explode. sending people vitriolic anons is a coward's move in and of itself, but like, going off on someone without knowing their background, without knowing how old the post or comment was, or without knowing them personally is generally just a bad move.

i know i should probably just delete this ask and go but like, the fact that people still do this whole 'i'm gonna send this person i disagree with a disgustingly long anon ask about why they're a terrible person' thing is fucking bonkers to me. i am sure you have something better to do than traumatize people like PETA activists trying to convince people to go vegan with animal torture porn.

y'all need to get a better hobby. or get a hobby, actually.

#gailthulu asks #tw animal suffering #mentions of animal abuse #stop sending people asks like this #this shit legit makes my blood boil

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honeycombstrawberry · 2 years

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this is actually so funny @mattsmanpain i'm going to put this in a post as if you succeeded in sending your ask

i genuinely don't remember if you sent me an inebriated message but i do welcome the absolute chaos of a drunk message dropped in my inbox i swear. you all have the most chaotic ideas and everybody is patient with me in my response time so please by all means go bonkers in my ask box

this is also so so kind, thank you so so much, i love to write so much and you all make me feel so loved and supported even when i'm being completely useless!!!! thank you for being so good to me!!!!! being such a delight!!!!! thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!

#mattsmanpain #answered #i love this energy so so much tbh pls

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swankyjami · 2 years

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Does any have a thought "Hmm..I wonder what would happen if I deck this guy in this face?" every now and then while talking to a customer?? Like I swear I'm not a violent person, I even move my foot away if I'm about to step on an ant when I'm walking outside. But like, I believe that's our primal feeling of just going absolute batshit?? Idk maybe I'm about to lose my cool and go complete bonkers??

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yardsards · 2 years

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it's not even february yet but this happens every year. so in advance:

i swear if i see a single "stop being so joyless, valentines day can be about platonic love too :)" in response to an aromantic person disliking the holiday, i am going to start biting people

yes, we can expand what the holiday includes if we want to but. that doesn't change that it was historically created to celebrate (heterosexual) romantic love

you know how some queer people wanna completely throw out heteronormative or cisnormative institutions instead of trying to expand those institutions to include more people? how they don't wanna play respectability politics to get included in those institutions? a lot of us arospecs feel the same way about amatonormativity.

and you might say "valentines is already celebrated by friends, even by cishets!" but. in the mainstream culture, it's almost always single people or children that celebrate it with friends. friendship, in these cases, is just treated like a pale substitution for romance. if a person in a romantic relationship decided to hang out with a group of friends instead of their partner, they'd be considered absolutely bonkers or, at the very least, have their relationship status questioned.

and that idea, that we have to use friendship as a second-place substitute for romance, pervades our whole culture. even in supposedly progressive/accepting spaces. don't want a romantic partner? okay, you can settle for a qpp. don't want a qpp? well, you can settle for normal friends. and so on.

of course valentines day isn't the CAUSE of this. it's just some silly hallmark holiday and i'm not gonna begrudge anyone (arospec or not) the chance to chow down of some heart shaped candy. but valentine's day is a SYMPTOM of society-wide amatonormativity. please don't dismiss us when we don't like it.

#eliot posts #aromantic #aroace #actually aromantic #amatonormativity #amatopunk #loveless aro #(dont personally consider myself loveless but i agree w ur general sentiment of smashing amatonormativity)#valentines day #aphobes and ppl who have no personality outside of romance are gettin BIG MAD over this one #got an angry comment AND an angry anon over it and it hasnt even broken 100 notes yet #i feel Powerful #anyway. i am now officially Going To Start Biting People #consider this a Warning

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woodchoc-magnum · 2 years

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L*ne St*r Hate Watch 3x07

I nearly completely forgot about this show 😅

Disclaimer: you love the show, I hate it! Don't read this, move on with your life and have a great day.

Eddie Diaz because he's beautiful sunshine:

Surprised with this show that they didn't actually show us the dude splattering on the road sign

Loving this cop with a chip on his shoulder about firefighters

Imagine rolling up and demanding they move a fucking firetruck

HE'S WRITING THEM A TICKET! A TICKET??? NUISANCE OBSTRUCTION?????

Hilarious 10/10 for comedy

A man is sitting in Grace's seat

Of course his name is Dave

I've seen this dude in something but I cannot place him, I'm getting What We Do in the Shadows vibes but I know that's not right (side note - that'll be back on TV soon!!)

Carlos is going to give himself an ulcer one day I swear to god

"red vs blue" kind of like Queensland vs New South Wales but like, with emergency personnel (that's just a little Australian rugby league State of Origin reference for all you Americans reading this)

I genuinely don't care about this

In this scenario, even though it's LS, I am team firefighter because who the fuck wants to be team police? Like honestly

This man HAS EATEN GRACE'S FOOD

Who the fuck goes into a communal fridge and just takes food that's not theirs

Grace hates Dave, this is the only rivalry I care about

Quick life update – I baked a chocolate cake today, absolutely fucking crushing it you guys

THE COP TOWED THE FUCKING FIRE TRUCK????

I feel like this would never happen in real life, but I appreciate how bonkers it is

Oh no Dave's going to jump in on Grace's call and she's going to kill him

Oh wait maybe Dave's proving himself to Grace?

He did still steal her potato salad though so like, he's going to have to make up for that

I hate that we see the 126 bunk room but never the one at the 118

Because you just know Buck and Eddie sleep right next to each other, like, 100%

Judd and Grace make this show worth watching

So they're having a baseball game against the cops which I think is dumb

I have been sitting here eating a bag of chips and not really paying attention

But I can tell you what's going to happen – someone, probably Owen Strand, is going to hit a home run and win the game

Because there's no way the 126 is losing this

Man I really thought they were going to bring in Billy to help them play baseball and I'm so annoyed it's this random medic from last season (remember when Tim got smashed by a lava rock? Good times)

The random medic seems to have stood them up for the baseball game

The song they're using in this scene is the "Mahna Mahna" song from The Muppets -> https://youtu.be/QTXyXuqfBLA

Also it was used in a sunscreen commercial in Australia - "banana boat, it's 30+, banana boat, it lasts for hours and hours and hours, banana boat!"

Anyway what I'm saying is that I think it's a weird song choice

Yo I think the cops are winning

Also I don't care about this baseball plotline but I'm annoyed they did it on LS and not the OG so we could see Ryan in baseball gear

Damn I was hoping TK would get hit in the face with a baseball

They called Nancy "the big whiff" in high school, in Australia that means something very different

Oh the cops temporarily arrested the new medic

Wow baseball is fucking boring

I just know that Owen is going to score the winning home run or something

Oh maybe it'll be Nancy? That'd be a plot twist

Owen is being very supportive of her and not completely terrible so that's a good thing

Oh she did it

And wow the 126 win

Amazing

What a triumph of the human SPIRIT – OH WAIT SOMEONE TRIPPED HER

I think this might turn into a rumble

"You hose jockeys" all right calm down you big turd

Owen threw a punch and now they're fighting, and when I said "this might turn into a rumble" earlier, I didn't actually think it would

The new medic is displeased

His name is Pearce and he is not a team player and he's quit so it literally does not matter

Such a missed opportunity for Eddie Diaz to show off his baseball prowess on the OG, honestly

Dave's either going to prove himself in this scene or not

Oh yeah he's proving himself

Dave's got some issues

Dave's having a heart attack

Dave might die and I kind of hope he doesn't

This has been a literal rollercoaster of emotions

Oh no he's fine, we're all good, everyone can chill

"There's like, a fire, man, but don't worry, it's cool" – hilarious (there's a fire at a marijuana grow house)

Okay so now the 126 is going to prove themselves to the dickhead cop and he and Owen are going to shake hands with a newfound grudging respect for each other

HA THE COPS ARE ALL STONED

Owen is going to rescue the dickhead cop, and then there'll be a handshake and grudging respect, mark my words

Okay so the dickhead cop is stoned off his fucking tits

I was wrong about the handshake, it was a hug instead

Pretty gay, you guys. Pretty gay

This episode feels weird to me, like it's cop rehabilitation or something. The cops were being fucking dicks this whole episode

Oh wait here's the stoned dickhead now

Here comes the handshake, and now he's having dinner with them. I think he and Owen might fuck later

L*ne St*r: After Dark

Oh, Grace is visiting Dave in the hospital and she brought him kale. I'd kick her the fuck out

Oh shit DAVE LIED TO THE SUICIDAL GUY ON THE PHONE ABOUT HIS FATHER COMMITTING SUICIDE? That's ice cold Dave

Dave's joining the day shift, good for him

Grace may murder him yet

Oh they're having a party at TK and Carlos' house

A trophy ceremony ugh this is so fucking dumb

"It's my Mom," TK says in a monotone. "She's dead."

I was spoiled for this so it's not a shock, but fuck do I have some feelings about it – like, she's barely in the fucking show, she's just had a baby at like, 50 years old, and they fucking killed her? They've fucking KILLED HER?

It just pisses me off because I don't care about TK and Owen, and the whole next episode is going to be about this and you know it's going to be a total fucking shitshow. If they wanted to have a relapse storyline for TK – which I feel like this is where it's going – then they could've done it with the breakup? Or like, his near death experience, or something?

Unless the plan is that they're going to give the baby to TK to raise because the father is dead as well, but honestly, whatever the plan is, I think it's dumb as all fuck and I'm mad about it.

Lisa Edelstein deserves better and this reminds me why I hate this fucking show.

Sure, it has moments, and I'm invested in Grace and Judd's storyline, but they pull this Grey's Anatomy shit and I'm like, first of all, fuck you. Fuck you for randomly killing off a character who is barely even relevant to the show just to give TK and Owen some man pain; just because you were too lazy to come up with some other storyline for them.

Killing characters willy nilly is lazy fucking writing and this show has been guilty of that before (hello, zombie Tim) and they're doing it again. It just smacks to me that they have no fucking idea what they're doing, where the show is going or how to write for any of the other characters except the two white male leads.

It's fucking bullshit.

This has been a rant.

Eddie Diaz to CLEANSE:

THE MAN LOVES BASEBALL, THIS IS SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNUITY

#lone star hate watch

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yukimoji · 4 years

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Oooh your requests are open, I'm so excited! Could I ask for a Tanjiro x Reader in a modern AU setting (Kimetsu Academy, perhaps?) where Reader visits Tanjiro (who's crushing on her) at his bakery and he sees her playing with his siblings? It just warms his heart up and they're all like 'You should marry our brother!' and ahhh just fluff galore! Headcanons, scenario, short fic, anything is fine with me, whatever's easiest for you! Thank you so much! ~Oblivion~

(a/n: hi again!!! thank you so much for requesting! this is such an adorable request, im literally so soft rn ya hear??? tanjiro is such best boy im 😔✊✊,, i hope you like this and have a great day!)

(this became longer than expected, are headcanons supposed to be this long??? per usual, there will typos and grammar errors! happy reading!)

Total words: 1770+ words

Genre: Fluff

No manga spoilers

Warnings: None

Will You Marry Our Brother? ( Kamado Siblings x Reader, Tanjiro Kamado x Reader) I Headcanons

During your time at Kimetsu Academy, you had the pleasure of meeting the owners of a nearby bakery, the Kamado family. You shared classes with the eldest son, Tanjiro Kamado. You became good friends with the boy, and eventually you met his younger sister, Nezuko Kamado. You adored his sister and the two of you instantly became close friends, because of her kind and caring nature.

Since Tanjiro was your classmate, you usually sat beside him. Each chance that he would get, his attention would be focused on you, chatting and asking about your day with an obvious flush in his face. Honestly, you thought it was kind of cute, seeing him all flustered up all around you. You sort of got a crush on him, not that he knew about it.

You would hang out with Nezuko in-between school breaks, eating Lunch with her as the two of you would have girl talks. She would always keep you company, and if ever you needed someone to lean on, you bet that she would always be there to support you.

You could say that you were more than shocked when you discovered that they had four more younger siblings. You didn't have the honor of meeting them properly, because of your busy schedule and just the overwhelming amount of academic pressure on your shoulders that hindered you from visiting their bakery. However, judging by the wonderful stories that Tanjiro would tell you in the middle of school breaks, they seemed like absolute sweethearts, and you were looking forward to meeting them.

However, you would later have the chance to meet them. It was a peculiar day, and the teachers weren't as harsh on you all like they would normally. Not only that, you craved for something sweet and warm. You just wanted to just bask in positive vibes, and you knew exactly where you wanted to go.

Your legs stopped in front of a small shop, and almost immediately, a wave of gentleness hits your body with so much comfort. You entered the bakery, a bell ringing as you begin to salivate at the sight of the delicious treats displayed on the counter. Nezuko takes notice of your presence, and turns around to welcome you with a big smile on her face.

When you finally picked out the goodies you desired from the shelf, you made your way to the cashier to pay for them. As you got near, you heard little strange noises coming from below the cash register. Confusion began to grow as you recognized the strange noises sounded like the sound effects from a popular mobile game. You became even more perplexed as Nezuko's expression hardened, and she instantly marched behind the cashier in slight annoyance.

A loud squeal of surprise erupted as the sound effects abruptly stopped. Then, suddenly, a young boy emerges from the cashier, a sheepish look evident in his face as he rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. The moment he notices your figure just standing awkwardly behind the cash register, he immediately turns red and mutters incoherent apologies as he would repeatedly bow profusely. You just give him a reassuring smile, and you said something about also liking the game he was playing.

You learned that this boy is Takeo, one of Tanjiro's younger siblings. As he continued to check out your treats, he couldn't help but find you so familiar.

Are you the girl in his brother's lockscreen photo?

After you paid for your orders, you introduced yourself to him, and his suspicions were confirmed. He couldn't help a mischievous smirk form on his lips, as he vividly recalls all the moments his brother would dreamily talk about a girl named [ Y / N ].

You asked him to play one round of the mobile game he played before with you. After seeing how the bakery was not really busy and getting Nezuko's approval, he accepted your offer. You bonded with him over the game, and the two of you had so much fun! You were pretty sure that you played more than one round with the young Kamado!

You were absolutely great at the game, much more so than him! You beat his high score, and he wouldn't admit it, but he swears he will beat your score one day. He could not wait to totally tease his brother about this.

Later on, you meet Hanako, Shigeru and the youngest, Rokuta. You were absolutely delighted to finally meet them. They were exactly how Tanjiro described them, they were all such big sweethearts!

Hanako and Shigeru almost immediately took a liking on you! They bombarded you with so much questions, asking you about your favorite color, animal, and all the little things you liked. The would listen to your answers eagerly, big smiles never fading from their expressions.

They would absolutely invite you to play a few games with them! They looked absolutely precious and you didn't have the heart to say "no". You played so much games with them during your stay, the most prominent being "Tag" and "Hide 'n Seek".

After they become tired from running around so much, they settled on listening to your jokes and puns. You swear they have the most adorable laughter in the world!

Just seeing them being giggling and laughing so much melted your heart into a puddle of joy. These two were absolutely cute and adorable, and they radiated so much positive energy that just fill your entire being with warmth and love.

They think that you are absolutely beautiful and wonderful, just like how their brother described you to be!

And then, there's little Rokuta. At first, he was a little shy to approach you. His big eyes looked at you with so much curiosity, and when you told him your name, his face immediately transformed into one of recognition.

Oh! So you're the [ Y / N ] my big brother keeps babbling about!

You would dote on him so, so much! You couldn't stop the squeals from escaping your mouth as he would adorably babble and tell you about his day! His big eyes hold so much innocence and purity in them, and your mind went absolutely bonkers about how cute this little Kamado is!

When he deemed he trusted you enough, he would raise his little arms up, and his tiny hands would make some grabbing motions. Nezuko would chuckle at his actions and tell you that he wants you to pick him up. You stifled a scream of absolute delight, mustering all willpower not to cry from sheer happiness. A cute and cuddly toddler wanted you to pick him up? Don't mind if I do!

The moment Rokuta is in your arms, he immediately embraces you, his little arms just wrapped around your shoulders. Nezuko cheered you on, commenting about how Rokuta had now grew attached to you. He was nuzzling on your neck, feeling secured in your hold as you silently thanked the gods above for giving you this oppurtunity.

Unbeknownst to you, a pair of Crimson hues stared at you with so much adoration from over the counter.

Tanjiro watched how the whole thing unfold. From your little game matches with Takeo, to your giggling fits with Hanako and Shigeru, and to how you held Rokuta in your arms with so much tenderness. All of this left Tanjiro feeling so much warmth and affection in his chest, and he wanted to cry out from the sheer joy of how much you had gotten along with his siblings.

You were absolutely Wonderful. Exquisite. Magnificent. Beautiful. Stunning. Heavenly.

Just so drop-dead gorgeous.

He's in absolute euphoria.

The boy won't admit it, but he's imagining his future with you. Seeing you being so happy with his little siblings makes him wonder what a family with you would look like. Gosh, how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

He practically had hearts in his eyes as he kept staring at you like a lovesick puppy, not noticing that Takeo was leaning against the counter with a smug expression on his face.

"Gosh, Nii-san. I knew you had a crush on her, but I didn't know it was this bad."

Tanjiro snaps from his day dream, and he could feel so much blood rush to his face. He was so embarrassed, much more so that Takeo had caught him looking at you all this time! Takeo laughs at his brother's red face, and Tanjiro could only shriek out erratic noises to desperately request Takeo not to get too loud.

You heard a commotion from the counter, and you turned to see a completely red-faced Tanjiro waving his hands vigorously to a guffawing Takeo. You could only giggle at the sight in amusement, and when Tanjiro makes eye contact with you, his face gets even more redder.

In your arms, Rokuta shifts from your neck to look at his big brother. Noticing how the two of you gazed in each other's eyes, he claps his hands in delight and looks up to meet your [ E / C ] orbs.

"Ne, [ Y / N ]-san, will you marry my big brother?"

THE WHOLE BAKERY JUST EXPLODES IN HYSTERICS

Takeo laughs harder than he had before, grabbing at the edges of the counters to prevent himself from falling to the ground from the amount of amusement he was getting from the situation.

Hanako and Shigeru just burst out in full excitement, jumping and smiling at you, asking you repeatedly if you wanted to marry their big brother. They practically pleaded with you, their wide eyes constantly staring at you, in hopes that someday you might officially become their big sister.

Nezuko chokes in shock at her drink. She didn't expect Rokuta to say those words! She immediately goes to your side, and just repeatedly apologizes to you in behalf of Rokuta for putting you in such an awkward position. But, she cannot really lie, she would love for you to become her sister-in-law.

Tanjiro just looked at you in horror and fear. His face had hit the utmost redness it could possibly have attained, and he only wanted to crawl and hide at this very moment. He didn't want his crush on you to be revealed this way! He had special plans for that moment, but it didn't matter anymore, because you now know about his overwhelming feelings for you! Gosh, he felt so humiliated, and it didn't help that you were in such an awkward position just because of his attraction on you!

But then, he was caught off guard by your breathtaking smile. The next words sent Tanjiro's mind into a frenzy, desperately struggling with the urge to faint out of sheer bliss as the bakery exploded again into cheers of celebration.

"I would love to."

#tanjiro x reader #tanjirou x reader #tanjiro kamado x reader #tanjirou kamado x reader #demon slayer x reader #moji writes #tanjiro is husband material aight

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