#I talked to my mom about it

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[egophiliac]

this is basically what happened, right?

(these guys are very lucky that everyone at NRC 1) has the combined intelligence of a sack of bricks, and 2) is easily distracted by shiny things.)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #stage in playful land #stage in playfulland #these two are SO sleazy and i am utterly delighted by them #can't wait to find out their tragic backstory in approximately 3-4 weeks! #fortunately i have like a month to figure out how the heck to draw their hair (spoiler: i will never figure it out) #also. god. i love it whenever leona accidentally reveals his Mom Side. #he doesn't care about any of this but he WILL be tagging along to make sure no one else gets into trouble #once again he has to be the Responsible Adult and he hates it. the whimsical hat weighs heavy upon his head. #anyway this is me so excuse me while i now talk about diasomnia for three hours #but lilia being all 'kids gotta have some adventure in their lives!' is hilarious #specifically because you know silver would NEVER. #100% silver not only never snuck out but he always went to bed on time AND brushed his teeth AND flossed even when nobody made him. #lilia: aww but you should be enjoying your youth! >:c #silver: i am. i enjoy being respectful and disciplined and honoring you as my father. #lilia: #lilia: maybe i'm TOO good at raising kids #you know i was going to say none of his kids would be involved in this but i actually think malleus definitely would #he would not see it as a moral quandry though. he would just be excited to be invited along. #(the only reason he isn't there is because he was busy admiring a termite-infested beam somewhere and yuu didn't get a chance to ask him) #i mean MAYBE if lilia as his single authority figure told him no then he would have some reservations #but lilia's the one who's screaming HELL YEAH LET'S SNEAK OUT AND DEFY AUTHORITY while dabbing so moot point there #sebek would never and he would rat on everyone else. unless malleus is going in which case he's already there. #and i guess if everyone else is going silver probably would too #but he'd. y'know. feel conflicted about it.

[deep-space-lines]

okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.

yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything

((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))

and then they fucked nasty the end

#my art #my writing #who fuckin sent this. fuck you. come off anon so i can kick your ass. (the thoughts this ask sparked consumed almost 3 days of my life) #i dont know what this even is #i just work here #disclaimer i don't come from a particularly religious background so like. #most of my knowledge of christianity comes from when my mom sent me to vbs for cheap babysitting in middle school or absorbed via osmosis #so i have no idea what im talking about except for when i do! hope this helps #i love how i say that like i expect biblical scholars to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction #if you are a biblical scholar and you want to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction please know i am not going to read the bible for this #ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #gabv1el #blood #love tagging ultrakill stuff with blood. hmm yes the floor here is made out of floor

[wizardwomenwisdom]

happy pride month to chad and ryan, the lil gay cowboy and roman in the night at the museum trilogy, and every man who played volleyball in top gun (1986).

#yes i know their names are jed and octavius it’s a reference to the seminal pride post #chad and ryan #chad danforth #ryan evans #jedtavius #jedidiah natm #natm octavius #top gun 1986 #goosemav #icemav #iceman #mavrick #pride month #this is what happens when i talk to my mom for too long #i lie about posts existing then make them happen

[catmask]

what is it about trying to learn health facts or hygeine or body care that after a certain point it tailspins into online fanaticism. why does my mom believe gut health powders meditation and sunlight mean she will never die or age. girl i just want to find a good yogurt brand

#we're trying different yogurts bc our kid (also has autism) is super super food picky #moreso than i ever was as a kid #forrest never had issues with food more sensory things like sound and heat/textile stuff #whereas i was super super picky BUT. i was always introduced to something of at least diff food groups #so even if i onyl atelike 6 things id always have One vegetable. One probiotic. One protein source. u get the deal #we only recently got our kid to start eating fish sticks and chicken and even beef! #so hes got protein down. before he only at chips and frozen mini pizzas. like thats literally it #and he eats bananas and strawberries. we got him vitamin/protein drinks for the time being so hes not nutrient deficient #and he likes those theyre chocolate #but we're trying to find a yogurt he doesnt mind bc he doesnt have like. any. digestive or fiber ro like anything ot help him #i dont want him to feel sick and sluggish all the time . we've had a lot of success with the drinkable yogurts #but talking abuot this made my mom start talking about gut health.......

[htub]

I really like that they made Jor-El speak Kryptonian and Clark unable to understand him. The whole "aliens speak English" thing that happens in every goddamn media has bothered me all my life. Ik sometimes Clark just gets zapped in the brain for insta-second language but that always felt like a cheap shortcut.

Jor-El had a lot on his mind when he set up that magic spaceship okay. The world was ending and he was trying to do as much as he could before time ran out so he could be there for his son. He was rushing. He likely didn't consider Kal would be raised with a whole different language and not know any Kryptonian nor have anyone to teach him.

#my adventures with superman #two talks #he still might get zapped with kryptonian but at least it wasn't immediate #let there be a language barrier #it hits home so hard too bc i barely speak my mom's language and can't really talk to my family members bc of iz #it* #that's what being raised on a different planet IS! It's isolating and sad bc that's your FAMILY and you can't even understand them #fucking love superman #clark is so close and yet so far bc everything he craves to know about himself is Right There #but he doesn't speak the language of his own people and has no way to learn #it's heartbreaking and i'm so fucking here for it

[wolfythewitch]

you know you you never gave me the vibe that you'd be christian. I dont mean that in any negative way, more like i would have expected you to be into some other religion like paganism or budism for some reason, but your jesus art is absolutely adorable

Yeah I get that a lot haha. You'd think with all the cannibalistic imagery that I would have the vibes but alas. Religious sanctification. I can talk about how the devouring of divinity is such an interesting concept because it implies there is an everpresent hunger or how Jesus' humanity is arguably more important than his divinity because it's his humanity that allows him to bleed but I don't think my church is ready for that

#wolfy tedtalks #anon #you cant go your blood is wije your flesh is bread and not have me immediately explode #*wine #wolfy religious tedtalks #i talked about blood too much one time and they snitched on me to my mom #granted i was eight #but still #not cool bro

[swagveryswagamazinf]

playing fnaf after 9 years feeling insane

#my art #slimecicle #charlie slimecicle #ranboo #fanrt #do I put the fnaf tag ¿¿¿ does it count I mean. #it's mostly charlie loosing his mind and hearing ranboo talking about the lore so I don't knwo #also v fun stream ¡¡ also the first one my mom watched v fun #fanart

[batarangsoundsdumb]

"I couldn't be more disappointed with Gaby-Ann, she sewed rainbow sequins on the girls' costumes when we all agreed that they didn't fit with the subject matter of the choreography. Next time, we know who we can't trust."

#this is completely serious and not at all a joke #the-real-peter-parker and i started talking about dance moms au like 5 minutes ago and it is rewriting my brain #they're the internet's darlings #dc #dcu #bruce wayne #batman #batfam

[sexygaywizard]

I kinda hate the term "trauma dumping" because it always makes me feel guilty for just talking about my life and feel like I should be avoiding or lying about stuff that happened to me but like. When you have a life largely shaped by big traumatic events how are you even supposed to talk about yourself at all without talking about that

#every time i go to a party and I end up talking to someone for a while and then i go home and i'm like. oh no did i traumadump on them or we #but like what was i supposed to do?? just lie when you asked me about my mom like idk lol #i talk

[jorisjurgen]

#linguistics #conlangs #languages #langblr #mymemes #this is how i feel when talking to my mom about what ''kay(f)bop(t)'' is and why it's funny

[deep-space-lines]

An archangel is actually a type of babygirl,

We've all seen The gabe dress but I had a divine vision of him in a kroj (Czech folk costume) and y'know what? I was right. He slays. What's the point of art if not to take some fictional guy, say "that's my wife" and put clothes on him like a paper doll

Anyway I think everyone should draw him in their culture's folk costume now. I wanna start a trend

((bonus sketch idk if I'll finish,,))

#my art #ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #gabe dress gabe dress gabe dress g #the idea of drawing him in pants feels illegal #kroj #artists on tumblr #do not ask me how long the fucking embroidery took on the first one i do not want to talk about it #I actually used to have one of these when I was in like 3rd grade that my mom made for me.. i wanna make myself one eventually #wearing dresses is a mess bc if i am perceived by other people as too feminine it makes me want to explode a little but kroje are so pretty

[littlelightfish]

Mr. & Mrs. Folke

#they are in love #they are everything to me #they're the only canon alive couple from the manga that is happy in their marriage #and i love them so very much #yarn folke #that old woman is everything #she's so lovely #she doesn't even talk ever. the only thing she says is “oh dear” on an extra comic whrn kaka cries after the gnome festival #she is so mom #i love her #and #tansu folke #he's a grandpa #an old soul in an old body #he's the definition of old grumpy caring man #he cares so much about his sons #i love here #this couple right here #is the best of them all #fuck romance i want whatever this bitches have #and still they love each other and are happy in their marriage #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon #theyre married ik. and old af. and precious. #they're goals #my shit

[wingl3ssthing]

okok so i was having a Conversation and now i’m curious:

#bc i did once when i was like 13 and got my first razors and then my mom told me not to do i just never did again #and i kinda just assumed this is how all people lived bc it sucks and it grows back weird a prickly #but i was talking to my cousin and she was like “no everyone does do you ever really see arm hair on women #and like now that i think about it not really (or maybe i’m just not looking at peoples arms) #ANYWSYS #tumblr polls #my polls #rb for sample size #if you wish lol #finch hall of fame #poll

[lyss-butterscotch]

Yall seem to like Herrah alot so have some herrah doodles

#i need to draw the dreamers more #theyre my skrunklies #herrah is the cool mom obviously #she eats nosks for breakfast #also we dont talk about how i gave gijinka hornet and pebbles the same emo hair style #i just like that hair style alot ok #hollow knight #hollow knight gijinka #gijinka #herrah the beast #hk hornet #hollow knight hornet #my art #lyss art

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

#spilled ink #writeblr #:) lol . anybody notice how i write about dads in second person exclusively #me: haha silly cartoon #also me: ): this child is not getting what they need #also btw this is about a father but it might apply to any parent or caregiver #there's a really weird space of like #''this person was technically around me but either ignored me or was actively harmful to me'' #and like u learn this very strange ritual of like... this person is my parent/caregiver on a technicality #that you almost spend all ur time with them like... tiptoeing and acting as THEIR parent so u don't upset them. #like you're 17 and ur mom is suddenly hit by a wave of wanting to talk to you so she's like :) lets make breakfast together :) and ur like #uhhhhhh okay?? bc you feel like this is absolutely going to go wrong and is why u usually make breakfast alone #and she starts being like: THIS is called a TEASPOON ... & u know all this stuff but you also know to just be very quiet #bc if you say like ''mom ive been making this breakfast every day since i was 13'' she would FREAK OUT and be like #DONT ACT LIKE I NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU DONT ACT LIKE I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU. FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL . #so u have to smile like ur a preschool teacher and be like. OH COOL! i didn't know A CUP existed! tell me MORE! :)