#I think I have social anxiety but I’ve never been diagnosed so I don’t know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gothicflowers · 1 month

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Call Of Duty x GN!Reader

How they would react to you telling them about your anxiety disorder.

Warnings: talks of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is inspired by my own struggles as a diagnosed individual with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Please do not self diagnose or glamorize mental disorders or illnesses.

Sitting down for lunch after this mornings long meeting felt like heaven. A much needed battery recharging time for you. Taking a moment to practice your positive affirmations and breathing like your therapist said you felt the anxiety simmer down. Only to be interrupted by a tray being placed on your small two person table.

“You’re kinda quiet and shy. It’s actually kinda nice being around someone that doesn’t feel the need to be the loudest voice in the room.” He nonchalantly hands you an electrolyte drink and takes a seat across from you before continuing his rambling. You look back down at your half eaten sandwich diverted your eyes from his. Eye contact is a struggle you’ve been working on. Still listening to his words you nod your head so he doesn’t think you’re ignoring him.

“I mean we all have to know how to be assertive in this line of work, but I can really appreciate your demeanor as a person. You have a calming energy about you.”

You laughed at his description of you and couldn’t help the words from spilling out. “Thanks, it’s actually just a disorder.” You let out a faint laugh. You always tried to find the humor in your situation.

He was too stunned to speak or finish putting his sandwich in his mouth. He put it back down on his plate before trying to find the right words. He was worried his words had came across as rude and disrespectful. All of which he was trying to avoid.

After realizing your blurted out confession you took a brief moment to compose yourself and your thoughts. Looking up at him you gave a faint smile trying to show you’re not upset. “I have what’s called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. People with the condition can struggle with different things.” Trying to describe your struggles isn’t something you’re great at but maybe he’ll understand? “Personally, I don’t do well in social situations, interactions or speaking up. It sometimes leads to anxiety, stress, overthinking and panic attacks if it’s real bad. I prefer to be hidden in the background away from everyone’s attention. I know my comfort zones and when to push myself. But it’s never affected by ability as a soldier.” You nod your head at your own explanation.

He smiles and nods. “I appreciate you telling me that so I understand you better. I do apologize if me saying your shy or quiet came across rude. I genuinely find you to be a great person to be around.”

“Actually you probably went about it in possibly the kindest way I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been told my quietness is rude or snobbish. Which is far from how I want to be perceived. So I actually appreciate someone taking a liking to it.”

It was nice being able to have a conversation about your disorder without feelings judging. Nor did he offer unsolicited advice. Instead he recognized that it was something you don’t openly share and appreciated your trust in him. And his opinion of you didn’t change. After feeling closed off from your team you felt a little more comfortable, with him at least.

Alex Keller, Rudy (Roldofo) Parra, Gaz (Kyle) Garrick, Roach, John Price, Nikolai, Logan Walker

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mueritos · 9 days

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As someone who’s been through multiple therapists and psychs, you’re super not wrong about these people bringing their biases to the table. I’m lucky enough that I

1. Was an older teenager

2. Had friends who had had decent mental health help already

3. Already kinda suspected the shapes of what was “wrong with me” and

4. Had an innate sense of “no that seems like bullshit” before I went in with these people.

The first therapist I ever saw met me as a 17 year old alt girl, and when I tried to talk to her about thinking I had anxiety issues she cut me off before I was done explaining and told me I was self diagnosing, that was causing my problem, and we wouldn’t “entertain THAT” any further.

The second therapist I ever saw met me as a 18 year old trans guy, pre-everything, during the pandemic. She listened, but she had no experience with the trans community and I had to teach her everything about anything I wanted to talk about with regards to that. She was nice, but she couldn’t help me. She didn’t know how.

The third therapist I ever saw met me as a 21 year old young man. She figured I had everything sorted out already. I didn’t. She never tried to change her mind or delve deeper. At this point I couldn’t afford to waste my time, so I asked to be recommended to a psych and she said sure. After that we didn’t talk.

The first psych I went to was very kind, and absolutely did not do his due diligence. I came in with a shiny recommendation from a therapist (that he didn’t verify), so he all but handed me the medication with no explanation and I only ever spoke to him over the phone after that. It was a low barrier to entry but the medication wasn’t right and I didn’t know I had other options. He made it seem like I didn’t.

The psych I’m seeing now put me on a medication that reacted poorly with my inhaler because she didn’t cross check if they would be any drug interactions. I came back and asked for a different medication. She was going to put me on a different one, and then I asked her to check if there were any interactions with this one. Turns out there were severe ones. I ended up going with a different medication, it seems to be working. It would probably work better with help from a therapist, but I don’t have the time or money for that right now. And quite frankly I’m tired of trying to convince people to help me when I have to explain what I think is wrong with me for them to listen. Only for them to decide that I’ve already figured it all out and they don’t need to try.

So uh. Yeah. Lots and lots of stories from me and my friends about clinicians of all age and experience ranges that go from horror stories to just disappointing and unhelpful. Some of these people had been practicing for 20-30 years and they STILL weren’t any better at empathy or not being horribly biased.

first of all holy shit it really fucking sucks you had to go through all of these terrible experiences while accessing care you deserve and need. i'm not surprised these terrible interactions happened, and I can't even be disappointed considering the bar of standards is in hell. The "better" experiences a lot of folks have with clinicians align with your second therapist. They are clinicians who just genuinely have no worldview outside of their own, but are receptive to new information...they just have no drive to learn how to apply new frameworks of ways of thinking to expand their worldview and guide their clients. The worst is literal malpractice, ableism, and violence against clients.

a lot of people who go into the mental health field don't actually have the skills related to active listening, empathy, or curiosity based out of humanity. I say this to a lot of people in the social work program, but social work is the same pipeline as mean girls who go into nursing--it's just full of the girls who were not smart enough to go into nursing that decide to go into social work. Same breed of mean girl seeking power over others, just different contexts of public service.

the only hope i have is in the new generations of mental health clinicians who are BIPOC/queer, anti-carceral, disabled themselves, and who are mentally ill as well. I feel more solidarity with my neurodivergent peers in my program who can barely finish an assignment on time than I do with the white women who have never experience hardship in their lives. Not to say neither of these people can't experience easy or hard times in their lives but man....seeing the roadblocks in some of these people's worldviews, empathy, or conceptualizations of other people's struggles is fucked up.

the mental health field is just another medicalized, over-policed, and racist institution that wants to shove people back into the workforce ASAP. we are in hell!! but just know there ARE people and groups and orgs out there that are dedicated to radical work and will name all the hypocrisy, pain, and oppression that exists in working in this field.

thank you tho for sharing your experience and input. I can only hope that your experiences moving forward are positive and liberating for you <3

#muertoresponds #like brother we are in hell!#my last therapist is a zionist so yea we are literally in hell #there are really cool and awesome clinicians out there tho #it feels so freeing to openly talk about palestine with my therapist and shes like yea fuck zionists!#there are people out there dedicated to being safe and radical people #godspeed to anyone else in the social work field or who is training to be one #im trying to get my degree my license (maybe) and just fuck off #i only want to work independently or in higher ed

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goorehound · 1 year

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this is solely me rambling about social anxiety, adhd and König. nothing exciting sorry folks!

König’s social anxiety - my thoughts

okay so firstly my qualifications here; I am diagnosed with social anxiety, generalized anxiety and ADHD. (I didn’t end up getting into his adhd at all oops)

i just want to speak to like the experience of being a grown man with mainly social anxiety, because idk I see some posts that just feel upsetting to read? like people complaining about certain ways König is written?

like I do agree that he is not some blushing little uwu babygirl kitten (bc you know he is in fact an adult and in the fucking military), but I’ve never actually seen anyone write him as that. I think what gets me are the complaints about people actually writing him with traits of social anxiety, which he canonically has, and kind of treating it like writing him that way makes him seem weaker? Or less dominant? Or like uhh less of a man? There’s a chance I’m just taking this super personally for no reason but I’m gonna ramble about it anyway.

Just because someone has a stutter due to anxiety, or blushes due to anxiety, or gets embarrassed easily due to anxiety, that’s not a sign of weakness? Or of submissiveness?

Personally for me a huge thing with my social anxiety is getting embarrassed and feeling embarrassed. I will go to extreme lengths to avoid being embarrassed. I turn bright fucking red and I will stumble over my words and I will shut down if I feel like I’m embarrassing myself or have been humiliated by something. That’s not because I’m a soft uwu little subby bottom, that’s not because I’m a weak guy, my traits of anxiety are not anything to do with strength or dominance or that shit. It’s just because I have a fuckin disorder that has me react intensely to certain social situations. Does that make sense? I’m losing the plot a bit here. I know there’s a point I’m trying to make but I can’t seem to make it.

Treating social anxiety traits like a shameful thing to have, especially acting like it’s unattractive in a grown man or pathetic for a grown man to exhibit traits of their disorder is fucked up.

It’s hurtful. It sucks to read that. No, König is not going to show traits of his anxiety 100% of the time. Yes, people with social anxiety can be confident in some scenarios. But let’s just quickly remember this part of his cod wiki;

Severe social anxiety throughout his life. As in ongoing. Not just in childhood. He didn’t just “get over it” and suddenly become confident. Throughout his life he suffered from severe social anxiety. That means yes. He likely is pretty quiet. He likely does blush. He likely does get embarrassed easily. He likely does stumble over his words. There are things that he probably doesn’t do often (if at all) because of his anxiety. He probably still is anxious even around his partners. Hell dude sometimes I get so anxious around my boyfriend of about a year that I physically cannot speak.

Anyway idk. This shit just been rubbing me the wrong way lately and I wanted to give my two cents lol. This might not stay up long unless it hella resonates w people but yeah!!

TLDR;

Don’t be a dick. Don’t shame people with disorders for exhibiting symptoms. Even if you think those symptoms are unfitting for a 6’10” military man. It’s fucking rude.

If social anxiety symptoms are a turn off for you don’t simp after people who canonically suffer from severe social anxiety.

#konig mw2 #cod mwii #könig

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honest-moth-of-silver-grove · 6 months

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greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bg3?

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black (trad, mopey, mall, black-metal, and hippie goth styles mainly, both fem and masc) or and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, witchcraft, true crime, necromancy, anatomy, etc. I typically consider myself a "gorehound" ig. I participate in "Vulture Culture"; and I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start talking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though, and I own four guinea pigs that I protect with my life. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things. It’s not as common now but I used to get called a vampire by other kids when I was younger since I had oddly pointy canine teeth. I find it funny, seeing how I am today. I also have an inside joke with my family where they call me "Irl Daria" which I find funny.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( the cure, pierce the veil, deftones, soad, cannibal corpse, slipknot, rob zombie,,,, sometimes radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar. I also work as a scare actor.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I also have this specific blanket I can literally not sleep without. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like asd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

A/N: Thank you so much for all the details!! It helps the process. Because you said you’re pansexual but didn’t specify whether you wanted a male or female companion or both, I gave you both just in case. So feel free to pick the person who feels the most accurate to you!

TW: Mentions of Gore, Horror

For you @br4inr0tx I think you’d be a good romantic match for either Astarion (Male) or Minthara (Female)!

⭒ Astarion is drawn to your mysterious and rather nihilistic nature. He is seen as intimidating or scary due to his immortal condition, and because of this, he puts up walls to keep himself safe from judgmental people. That being said, he doesn’t necessarily hide his true nature: he’s very upfront about his more, morbid opinions, and makes it clear that he disapproves of unnecessary altruistic choices, especially when those choices involve having to appear more “normal” for the comfort of other people in the game.

He finds your gorehound interests fascinating, and oddly calming in a way. After a lifetime of being exposed to so much gore, there’s something familiar and controllable about watching or reading about fictional simulated gore that puts him at ease. So he one hundred percent understands how it is you find comfort, as you said, in the uncomfortable.

Astarion is also pansexual, and very fond of the more dramatic ‘gothic’ styles in clothing. He loves getting to experiment in both fem and masc styles with you. He might even ask to borrow something of yours, as long as he could fit it. He is taller than you, but still fairly thin. I honestly don’t think he’d mind wearing one of your tops as a sort of crop-top thing, so long as no one else was around. I think he might take pleasure in flaunting it, just to get a reaction out of you. He thinks it’s adorable when he teases you, and you just ramp up all the sarcasm and wit. He’s very glad to have a ‘fast’ partner- someone who can quip back at him in the blink of an eye. It keeps him on his toes, and confirms that you feel comfortable with him- two things he likes.

And if you like abandoned or liminal places, just hold on to your hat. He knows tons of them in and outside of the city. Being a vampire had him hunting on the outskirts, and he knows them all rather intimately. When your relationship reaches that serious level, he’ll take you to where his headstone rests, in a cemetery in Baldur’s Gate. He’s not buried under there, but his family must have put it up to commemorate his life after he went “missing”. It’s sacred ground to him. And you’re one of the few people he loves enough to take there. Mainly because you are his partner and because he knows you won’t run at the sight of such things. Knowing he has a partner who doesn't shy away from the darker, more twisted stuff is reassuring. Especially when so much of your past is complicated.

He too is rather intimidated by people. Although he may not always admit it. So much of his feistiness comes from fear. In the past people have hurt him, so now he walks the line of nice and jerk to keep people at arm's length. He’s not really an ass though, and he’s appreciative, you know that. He knows you’re not rude or cold, just introverted and a little insecure. He’ll gladly defend your behavior to anyone who dares complain. No stranger better dare cast judgment on you when they don’t know who you’re really like when they have no clue what either of you have been through. Seriously though, just say the word and he’ll take care of them for you.

Teeth twins! Astarion jokes that you’re obviously his soulmate because your teeth match. And seeing pointier teeth on you, someone he sees as beautiful, makes him feel less self-conscious about his.

Having to shield from the sun, he’s more of an indoor activity sort of person. He loves staying inside and listening to music or reading with you. Just the two of you and your pile of plushies. Astarion enjoys their comfort as well, even if he won’t admit it outright. It’s a way for him to get physical comfort when he desperately wants to touch/hold you but is too upset or raw to do so.

In some ways, he shares in your submissiveness and masochism, but those are still very touchy subjects. It takes him a while to communicate that to you. He dissociates often as well, so he’s thankful you understand what a dissociative episode is like. Most people just assume he’s ignoring them, but you know the truth. The two of you look out for each other in that way.

As a Taurus Intuitive, you’re prone to contemplating the long term, and as a Taurs Judger, you’re often determined and work hard to make your dreams a reality. This works well with Astarion, who I think is either an ENTJ or ESFP- both signs that tend to be go-getters in their own way.

He’s not a very fidgety person, his anxiety forcing him to be anxious inside but still on the outside. But he does understand the root feelings. He doesn't think it’s annoying at all. If anything he finds your leg bouncing comforting. It reminds him you’re still by his side.

And for that, he is eternally grateful.

☾ Minthara would also be a good match for you! Although she is a lot more abrasive and rough around the edges, I think she’d be very appreciative of your darker interests. At camp, if you take a look in her tent, she actually has what looks like a deer or horse skull candle holder. So she would actively join you in your Vulture Culture escapades.

She also finds great joy in the gorier aspects of life. As a drow, violence is almost second nature. It doesn't scare her off or intimidate her in any way. And if you like abandoned or liminal places, you’re sure to enjoy the Underdark- which is basically a giant spooky underground liminal space.

Minthara is the farthest thing from a people person, so she has absolutely no qualms about you not being extroverted or especially inclined to make acquaintances with strangers. She’s glad you scare people off, if you didn’t, she’d have to. (I mean she still does naturally, but she doesn’t have to put as much effort into it, because no one is gonna mess with the two of you combined.)

Being an INFJ, and Minthara being an ENTJ, you are similar in that you can contemplate various topics- both realistic and abstract. However you have to be careful and remember while ENTJs may sound insensitive, they’re just very direct communicators. Based on what you told me about your personality, this shouldn't be a problem for you, however, as you’re very brutally honest yourself.

Minthara herself is funny. It’s just that her humor is more sarcastic, a little morose, and very situational. She doesn’t find your humor offensive, and if anyone has a problem with it, they will answer to her.

Despite what others may think, Minthara likes animals. When Scratch is gone, she’s noticeably sad. I think she’d like to be a co-parent to your guinea pigs.

She’s not very laid back, preferring action to inaction. But that’s okay. You remind her to take breaks and time to chill- just sit and rest or read or write or listen to music. Not everything has to be full speed ahead. On the other hand, she helps motivate you to do things outside of your comfort zone. She’ll pull you out of your room, to go on walks with her around the surface. The two of you are sort of yin and yang this way.

She’s impressed with your work as a scare actor. In Drow culture, being able to intimidate others and strike fear into the hearts of your enemies is an admirable quality. She sees your talent as an impressive hobby to have, one which many people are not capable of.

She’s rather touch starved as well- having to expect betrayal everywhere she goes in Drow society. Because of this, she finds the idea of sleeping with plushies useful. It’s unexpected, but she finds a good deal of comfort in them. And she finds a great deal of comfort in you.

And don’t be shy about your masochistic side with her. She has one as well. She pushes herself to her limits, causing herself intentional pain and suffering. For her, it is like a religion in some ways. The more she can endure, the stronger others believe she is. Of course, it’s always nice to not have to push, to be able to take it slow and enjoy your company in the moment. That’s where you come in.

Minthara may not have the kindest tone, but she tries her best to reassure you that despite your many ailments, she loves you all the same. She thinks you’re strong enough to be able to not only endure life with so many invisible burdens but to live life in ways you wish. To her, it’s an exquisite quality to have in a mate. You are marvelous in her eyes.

She can’t imagine the rest of her life without you.

...

Please Like & Reblog!!!

#astarion x reader #minthara x reader #bg3 x reader #bg3 imagine #baldurs gate 3 x reader #baldurs gate matchups #bg3 matchups #baldurs gate x reader #matchups #bg3

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scribble-brain-aced · 3 months

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i researched schizophrenia just to diagnose fictional characters

quick note: i’ve tried to do research on schizophrenia, but if anything is inaccurate/offensive/insensitive/just plain wrong, please let me know! i’m not trying to offend anybody with these, i just noticed a lot of people headcanoning Error and Dust as schizophrenic and i looked up symptoms to see whether or not it could be plausible.

first: Error (all information on him comes from ‘Ask Error!Sans, the MOVIE’ on youtube.)

okay, so i have google open, behavioral symptoms include: “social isolation, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, compulsive behavior, excitability, hostility, repetitive movements, self-harm, or lack of restraint.”

Error lives in the Anti-Void, which seems like isolation to me. his only friends are the voices in his head, puppets, and later on, a kidnapped Swap Sans. so… check? at least, i really don’t think he has any living friends.

CQ said that Error was made to be hypocritical and confusing, which could fit in with disorganized behavior. he contradicts himself, he never provides a straight answer when asked why he destroys AUs, etc. not a lot, but i think that still might fit.

I think that we can absolutely call Error aggressive, agitated, and hostile. he destroys entire worlds, he plays with the souls of other living beings, and the second Blue says that his weakness is friendship in the comic, he gets defensive, maybe a little paranoid if I remember right?, and abandons him in the Anti-Void.

Error does whatever he wants, so that could easily fit with ‘compulsive behavior’ and ‘lack of restraint’. maybe?

i can’t say anything for repetitive movements or self harm, though.

Cognitive: “thought disorder, delusion, amnesia, belief that an ordinary event has special and personal meaning, belief that thoughts aren't one's own, disorientation, mental confusion, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority.”

okay, well, we can’t read minds, however, amnesia is pretty obvious for Error. he doesn’t remember who he is, he forgot that Toriel was a ghost, his memory is generally pretty bad.

Delusions, I don’t know. Schizophrenia is mostly defined by hallucinations and delusions, but i’m not sure what to think.. “belief that an ordinary event is special,” “belief that thoughts aren’t one’s own,” “disorientation,” “mental confusion,” “slowness in activity”. i don’t think we’ve seen any of that in Error.

however, “false belief of superiority” seems pretty obvious. he acts like he’s the righteous one, saying that “SOMEONE needs to destroy the AUs,” like it can be justified. he calls himself cute, pretty, the best, Abomination #1, and just refers to everyone else as mistakes, abominations, anomalies, and says that Ghost!Toriel shouldn’t exist.

Mood: “anger, anxiety, apathy, feeling detached from self, general discontent, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, elevated mood, or inappropriate emotional response”.

i’m pretty sure we’re lacking in these areas. Anger, yeah, Error gets pissed off easily, and he definitely seems paranoid and suspicious. but everything else, aside from ‘elevated mood’, I really don’t think he has the symptoms.

Psychological: “hallucination, paranoia, hearing voices, depression, fear, persecutory delusion, or religious delusion”

Error mentions in an earlier post that he’s been hearing voices for years, so ‘hallucinations’ and ‘hearing voices’ are checked. there’s a moment where he realizes that a handshake with an asker became handholding, and thinks that he’s being taken advantage of. that, along with his getting angry when Blue says that his weakness is ‘friendship’ and accuses him of being a liar, makes ‘paranoia’, and possibly ‘fear’, seem like another box to check off. i don’t know about the others.

Speech: “circumstantial speech, incoherent speech, rapid and frenzied speaking, or speech disorder”.

I don’t think this is much, but technically, Error could have a stutter? Repititions, prolongations, and blocks are often seen when people voice-act Error, so… maybe? his glitches can definitely make him hard to understand at times, so again, maybe??

Also common: fatigue, impaired motor coordination, lack of emotional response, or memory loss

i’m not sure about a lot of these. maybe,if you squint, you could take the line “when i first got here, all i did was sleep” and fit it in with fatigue, but i’m not sure. impaired motor coordination, i’m not sure either. in my own personal AU, he does have a bit of trouble w/ precise movement because of his glitches, so he ends up clipping through a lot of things, but in canon, i don’t think he has any problems. lack of emotional response doesn’t fit either, since he seems pretty expressive. but memory loss is a given, this bitch remembers nothing.

sooo yeah! that’s all i could find, draw your own conclusions with this-

#error sans #character analysis #media analysis #schizophrenia #i hope i did this right

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chuuyasfanboy · 4 months

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greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for genshin? With possible nsfw headcanons if you’re feelin sassy, up to you.

I use they/he pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black (trad, mopey, mall, black-metal, and hippie goth styles mainly, both fem and masc) or and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, witchcraft, true crime, ghost hunting, necromancy, anatomy, etc. I typically consider myself a "gorehound" ig. I participate in "Vulture Culture"; and I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start talking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it. though if I’m right a become a petty bitch..and quite honestly I’m vengeful to anyone who’s really wronged me. even though I do have a hard time understanding social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though, and I own a herd of four guinea pigs that I protect with my life. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things. It’s not as common now but I used to get called a vampire by other kids when I was younger since I had oddly pointy canine teeth. I find it funny, seeing how I am today. I also have an inside joke with my family where they call me "Irl Wednesday Addams" which I find funny too (if not a little annoying at the wrong times).

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( the cure, london after midnight, pierce the veil, deftones, soad, cannibal corpse, slipknot, rob zombie,,,, sometimes melanie martinez , insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory or shower thoughts I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar. I also work as a scare actor.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

I match you with Albedo!

Random little note before. I think we're both Taurus's and infj's (or I'm smthn like that) which is so funny LMAO

This was SUPER FUN people request more matchups!!!

He definitely doesnt believe with your nihilistic views, he thinks absolutely everything has a meaning and a science behind it. But he does agree with you in a sense that those meanings aren't very traditional. As mentioned before, he's an avid believer that there's science in everything, that includes destiny, life, and anything similar. Even the most minute things hold something worth inspecting further to him.

Thankfully for you, he's not too much taller, so he does not bully you about your height! Even if he was a giant, I really don't think he'd care all the much enough for it to bother him. The worst he does is offer you his little geo flower to stand on when you're struggling to reach for something. And while it is embarassing, it IS also very helpful. You win some you lose some.

Albedo has a certain fixation on your fashion that he cant really place, something about how alternatively you dress really attracts interests him. He thinks its a very nice show of individuality. He definitely wouldn't wear anything like that, though, no matter if you beg or not. He thinks its impractical, and he wouldnt want to get the expensive fabrics dirty during his experiments. Hair dye, though? It's on the table, you may get to see black/purple/rainbow haired Albedo, take your pick.

He's not very offput by your interest in death, even though he has more of an interest in the opposite. It's a crucial part to the cycle of life he's so obsessed with studying, and you're his go-to when he has any questions. Likely being immortal or long-living as he is, he has a hard time really wrapping his head around the concept of just- not existing. I think specifically your Vulture Culture would be a good way for him to think about that in the scientific way he desires. He finds it to be such a respectful way of presrving things, similar to paintings or photos. He may ask you to teach him at some point, but at first he's just content with watching. He may even sketch it when you finish!

Your humor is insulted, and while he can't exactly reciprocate it the same way you do, he definitely isnt offended by it. Albedo isnt always in on joking, but the few times he does crack out something, its brutal and VERY funny. Reference those poor Paimon jokes. He definitely likes your humor, though, he likes all humor. Just look at how well he handled Cyno. He can handle you too! You two can be brutally honest and socially inept together <3

This is where the first issue crops up. If you really dislike kids, then Albedo really just has to hope for the best when introducing you to Klee. She's a NIGHTMARE to deal with, and he'd never leave you alone with her (or anyone), but he does hope you two can at least get along. If worst comes to worse, he just does his best to keep you away from her shenanigens. If you do, somehow, enjoy her though? He's over the moon, even if its not very obvious.

A lot of 'dates' are really just the two of you cooped up in his Dragonspine camp, settled next to a fire and drawing in complete silence. He finds it comforting that neither of you need to speak to be entertained. Being the obvious autistic he is, he asks you to body double him a lot like this, Whether he's drawing, researching, or graphing down results, he's always working best when you're nearby. Hr doesnt really have any dedicated music he likes, so he tends to just let you play whatever you'd like during these times. If you watch close, you can catch him tapping his pen to the beat!

On the topic of your plush obsession, he definitely doesnt follow, but he thinks its rather cute. The first night you two got stuck in a snowstorm and you were left without your blanket, he felt so bad. So, he resolved himself to stay awake the whole night with you. Thankfully, all of the winds cleared up by early morning, and the two of you were able to get back to Mondstadt before anybody worried. He settled you down in your home and made sure you warmed up properly afterwards.

Albedo has no problems with your stimming or any anxiety attacks or the like. In fact, he stims pretty often himself (as mentioned before, he's definitely autistic). He finds himself picking up some of your habits only weeks after meeting, and thats how he knows youre someone he wants to keep tabs on. If an asthma attack hits, he's careful to calm you down and find your inhaler. And once he starts spending more time with you, he asks to keep a backup on him just in case you may need it. Long nights in insomnia, he's happy to be by your side and stay awake, scribbling away.

Before any nsfw, I wanna just note down a few more little romantic headcanons! You're defnitely his muse. When he's not drawing the strangest creatures or swapping experimental interests like wild, his warmups always include you. Doodles of you in the corners of his personal notes, his sketchbook full of detailed scenes of you playing in the snow, he's smitten. At some point, probably after asking you to move in or vice versa, he'd develop a sudden interest in exotic pets, and would ask you to get one with him. It's great, but now you have that and Klee to manage. He's happy to do the work, always good at keeping the crazies under control!

Finally what you've (probably) been waiting for! I'll keep this part short cuz its totally awkward writing nsfw about someone i dont know LMAO-

Albedo is definitely one to try anyhting you'd like. I dont think he'd take any particular interest or dislike in your masochism, but he's happy to bite and bruise if that's what gets you going. I think he's far more interested in your reaction to these things. Tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, tensing around him when he runs his nails down your spine. He's almost tempted to document every single sound, if he wasnt afraid somebody would find them and be traumatized by the detail.

You've definitely caught him in the progress of painting you in.. particular ways; likely after you wake up from a session. He has fairly decent aftercare, but he really only cleans you up and tucks you in before he's right back to work. You should probably get him to stop that-

And I know you totally only said genshin but I'm in the bsd mood so I'm giving you a short little extra at the end to take out my fixations on! Enjoy, even if you have no clue what bsd is!!!

I'm also gonna give you a quick match with Akutagawa!

Your aesthetics already match so well, but he dresses more victorian gothic than anything. And he definitely shares your nihilism and weird interests. He spends quite a bit of time indulging you in your ghost hunting, watching shitty old slasher movies and pretending like he's not scared of the analog horror. He's also got a shitty habit of scaring people off, but he's moreso just straight up rude rather than snarky. I don't think he's ever even cracked a joke on purpose, really.

He's definitely the "they asked for no pickles!" guy for you. Except instead of yelling he's just impaling the poor McDonalds worker with Rashoumon. SPEAKING OF! You TOTALLY love Rashoumon, it's basically his little built in dog. He treats it like one too!

Alrighty, that's enough of the extras, enjoy your matchup and have a good time with your emo bfs <3

#x reader #requests open #albedo x reader #albedo x reader smut #matchup #matchups #matchups open #x reader smut #smut #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd x reader #akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akutagawa x reader #gave you a little extra matchup to quell my bsd brainrot<3

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house-of-slayterr · 1 year

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Being autistic is weird as fuck, because you’ve never experienced NOT being autistic. Like autism is unfortunately measured by how not allistic we are. Like it’s directly proportional. It’s not autistic people decided that were different and that difference is wrong. But HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WERE DIFFERENT?

I’ve never been anyone but myself. How am I supposed to know that I don’t feel things the same way as everyone else? How am I supposed to know that I talk weird? Like how should I know that I can’t read social cues, if I’m unable to read social cues? Hello? My inability to understand the task, makes me unable to understand that I’m unable to understand the task!

Like to get an official diagnosis you have to rely on the fact that other people looked at you as a kid and went “that’s weird, it’s not supposed to do that!” And then their “cure” is to just tell you “well stop doing that.” Like gee thanks bud, never thought of that. If I could just turn off my autism you think I wouldn’t have tried by now? You’re the reason my autism is even stigmatised in the first place!

My autism specifically comes with the complete inability to introspect. Like so much of my problems as a kid would have been solved if I just realised “oh, this is an autism thing” instead of being like “oh, well I just must suck at everything, and this is how everyone feels, so why am I the only one having a mental breakdown?”

But also phrases like “everyone’s on the spectrum” are so harmful, cause they just aren’t true!!!! When I was having anxiety attacks as a kid, my mom would always say “well everyone has anxiety.” Which made me think I was just weak, when in reality I have a mental illness that had treatment options and I could have gotten help the whole time, if people stoped minimising disorders.

“We’ll everyone’s a little depressed.” No- no they are not. There are people out there that have never experienced having a brain with mental illness. But my brains always been sick, and when you can only view the world from a sick brain, how would you ever know there were healthy brains out there?

Especially since things like mental illness and learning disabilities or physical disabilities are all hush hush. We aren’t supped to talk about them because it’s “inappropriate” somehow. And then they make you feel crazy when you do talk about it. Like parents who beg their kids to “just be normal” THIS IS MY NORMAL!!! I can’t be like you because I’m not you, and I don’t know how to pretend to be. And I shouldn’t have to!

You don’t suddenly become autistic when someone slaps the label on you. Which is why I always respect self diagnosis, because you know you better than anyone else ever could.

Another story to prove my point. Let’s talk about being LGBT on top of that. My entire life I always thought everyone was Bi. Like I assumed everyone just happened to end up in straight relationships, because how could people not think boys and girls are both pretty? I had no reference to know otherwise.

And after that, I assumed everyone was asexual. I didn’t have a term for it at the time, but I genuinely though everyone was joking about enjoying sex or being horny. Because I’d never experienced those things before, I couldn’t fathom what they were meant to feel like. And if I didn’t feel it as a “normal” human, everyone must just be playing an inside joke I don’t understand right?

But if I just had labels when I was young, I would have understood these things. People who ask “why would you want to diagnose your kid, they’re so young?” Or parents who withhold a diagnosis cause you think if you ignore it, your kid will be “normal” somehow. That’s not how it works. A diagnosis or label can make the world less scary, and often times it can bring you to people who can help you navigate the world. Instead of trying to force you to see it through their eyes.

Autism isn’t dirty. Mental illness isn’t dirty. Disabilities aren’t dirty. And being LGBTQ isn’t dirty!

Children of all ages should have access to knowledge of these things. Because to the people who are part of these groups, labels and information are vital. They’re a huge part of who we are and they aren’t going to go away just because you don’t want to say the words.

Children should have access to knowledge about how their bodies and brains function. This would help kids feel less ostracised and alone, and prevent a lot of pain and trauma in the world.

#self diagnosed autism #autism #autism diagnosis #autism rant #fang rambles #neurodivergent #autistic #autistic women #queer #gay #gay rant #lgbt

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timemachineyeah · 1 year

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Watching the latest hbomberguy video. And this Tom guy is making me think of so many people I have met, especially in the entertainment industry. They are a Type. There’s one in Toonmakers Sailor Moon pilot video too. Honestly sometimes Trump comes across this way. Not just men, though I do think it might be more common among cis men. Especially white privileged ones.

But you know them. The ones that lie about cool they are. That can’t help but lie about their own achievements even when the truth is staring them in the face. Like, I can think of half of a dozen I have met over the years in my life. A friend’s brother, an old boss, a teacher at my school who even the staff seemed exhausted of…

People go “that’s narcissism” or “compulsive lying” and listen, I’m not saying there’s not a neurodivergence underlying some of this behavior. Also potentially traumas or a need for introspection and therapy. I’m also not saying there is. This isn’t about that.

This also isn’t about the social/cultural/political environment that might foster the kinds of anxieties or expectations that contribute. I am not seeking to explain or diagnose this pattern of behavior. I don’t care if it’s psychological, sociological, or just being an asshole. That’s not the point.

The point is: it has always made me deeply uncomfortable. Not just angry or manipulated or whatever. But, like, secondhand embarrassment? Firsthand embarrassment? Unsettled in horror movie way? And I used to attribute that solely to, like, it’s desperate for approval, isn’t it? And I was willing to let that be the end of it. But that always felt incomplete.

No, I think the thing that makes me uncomfortable is, it feels like, to me, it feels like they’re daydreaming??? Like they are playing out their fantasy version of their life, the cooler one the rest of us (or, me at least) just privately pretend to have and never share with anyone.

Like who hasn’t listened to a song they love on repeat and pretended they were on stage singing it and pretended it was their song and they wrote it. Like, I do that. Maybe I’m weird. But I think lots of people do that. When I was a teenager I used to fantasize I had a double life when I was on school breaks, working in New Zealand for the Lord of the Rings movies. All the actors and writers were my best friends. And obviously I provided tremendous insight to the project and it really depended on me. But I didn’t tell anyone at school for convoluted daydream reasons.

But like, as much as I can vividly bring back the fine details of that fantasy (and how, while it had been a secret, it wouldn’t be secret any more when all the hottest members of the cast showed up to my school to take me to an awards show with them), this is the first time I’ve ever told anyone else about it, because why the fuck would I?

“I often pretend I am more interesting and important than I really am” is so common as to be dull. And also has a reputation for being childish. And also it’s not cool to want to be cool. And also if you say your wish out loud it can’t come true. But regardless of why, I don’t tell people about my daydreams. And I think that’s true of most people. Rich fantasy lives are common and largely never shared.

But when I watch the people with this particular quirk and feel kind of awful in this visceral way - I think that’s the thing that’s off-putting to me. It feels so private. I recognize myself in the behavior, in that, in my very silly daydreams, I too have done great things and made notable contributions that are far beyond the truth of my life. But to me those things are so secret. They are the most private of private thoughts.

When I watch these people talk, it feels like they are LARPing that same kind of self-indulgent fantasy world, in their real life. And simultaneously I feel like I’m invading someone’s privacy and like they’ve coerced me into something I didn’t agree to. They’ve cast us in their LARP, and they are gonna play out their fantasy version of their life, and made it awkward or dangerous for anyone to ruin it for them.

And so on top of all the many other very good reasons to not enjoy listening to that kind of self-serving lying, I get to hate it for secret bonus reasons of Immense Psychological Discomfort stemming from ???? associations my brain makes with the act of daydreaming ????

#timemachine wuz here

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strikersexhaver · 7 months

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greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bg3?

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start talking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time and feel free to shoot me a request in return. <3

I pair you with…

Shadowheart 🖤

You two both have a similar style, albeit her’s isn’t traditionally gothic. It’s definitely in some ways alternative.

Granted, it’s probably due to the fact people of Shar’s embrace enjoy a darker style in order to represent her.

She also understands the idea of being more quiet and on your own lonesome, she too indulges in that pleasure.

It’s something she’d probably enjoy having with you. Quiet sweet moments in the dark or- well anywhere.

She also prefers straightforwardness than anything to get to the point quicker.

Life is a ticking time bomb with the tadpole after all.

Animals are something she loves too, sure she dislikes some- but she has shown to embrace nature’s gifts. Which include- animals.

She’d honestly offer to watch your guinea pigs if you happen to be busy on occasions. Probably further down the line however.

Shadowheart has a poor past, she suffers from as well. Depression alongside anxiety is something she too faces, she can sympathize with your pain.

Albeit even if you dislike kids and she doesn’t as long as you two can see eye to eye on goodness for children it’ll be fine.

#shadowheart #shadow heart #shadowheart hc #hc #headcanons #shadowheart bg3 #bg3 #bg3 posting #bg3 x tav #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 x reader #shadowheart x reader #bg3 x you

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justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms · 3 months

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greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for genshin?

Im Coii. I use they/he pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black (trad, mopey, mall, black-metal, and hippie goth styles mainly, both fem and masc) or and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, witchcraft, true crime, ghost hunting, necromancy, anatomy, etc. I typically consider myself a "gorehound" ig. I participate in "Vulture Culture"; and I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start talking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, and I’m brutally honest, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke or I didn’t mean it. though if I’m right a become a petty bitch..and quite honestly I’m vengeful to anyone who’s really wronged me. even though I do have a hard time understanding social cues.

lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though, and I own a herd of four guinea pigs that I protect with my life. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’ve also been told I never know when to quit, and I find I hold grudges for certain things. It’s not as common now but I used to get called a vampire by other kids when I was younger since I had oddly pointy canine teeth. I find it funny, seeing how I am today. I also have an inside joke with my family where they call me "Irl Wednesday Addams" which I find funny too (if not a little annoying at the wrong times).

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

Hi Coii! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like your matchup!

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Diluc matches your energy very well. He has a nihilistic streak as well and is a lot more introverted that people give him credit for.

He thinks your fondness for plushies is really sweet. When he’s travelling for work, he’ll usually bring back a pushy or two for you.

Diluc enjoys listening to you talk about conspiracy theories. While he’s able to discredit a lot of them, he’s always on the lookout for new blackmail and potential weaknesses in his enemies and business competitors.

Admires your determination but finds it annoying at times as well, especially during any arguments. Overall though, he’s glad you have such conviction.

I think Diluc would enjoy exploring abandoned places with you. He does that anyway looking for enemy hideouts so he would like to be able to explore them together both for safety and to spend time with you.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #genshin impact #diluc

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misssakuramochi · 5 months

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greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bg3?

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start talking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

I match you with...

KARLACH

○ The thing that makes your relationship with Karlach so strong is that you two have amazing communication. No social cues? No problem. She's not subtle. By which I mean she very directly tells you what she's thinking and leaves little to no room for misunderstanding. You're able to be honest with her as well, and working through your problems becomes as easy as talking it out when anything comes up.

○ Both of you are extremely determined. While you can but heads at times it's only ever you both trying to do what's best and you can usually talk out your differences. Once you have and you're on the same page the two of you are an unstoppable force once your minds are set

○ Though for different reasons Karlach also is a big fidgeter. She never minds she's very open minded and understanding that your mental health sometimes comes first, as well as to the fact that you may have alternative mental health related needs - ones she's always happy to try to fulfill. Open minded to mental health, she's the most understanding rock you could ask for

○ Debates are common. You have a lot of opinions and Karlach is super open about hers. Hearing each others perspectives is interesting and you both learn to be more open minded to others thoughts because of each other

HEADCANONS

○ Karlach takes interest in you from the beginning. She tries to get to know you, but, rather intimidated by her, you at first give her the impression you don't like her!! When someone (Shadowheart probably) tells her you're just shy, she makes it her MISSION to warm you up. It works. The first time she makes you laugh she gets so excited she sets something on fire.

○ Karlach likes to pick you up. You're so tiny and cute she can't help but wanna throw you around a little you know? You're not the biggest fan at first but being effortlessly lifted and swung in circles by an excited Karlach is actually cute and kinda fun. You warm up to it

○ Karlach is so careful with your things, especially your blanket. She knows she cam be rough and understands how important your special things are to you. When you first share your blanket with her to sleep with she is so excited she shares it with you even though she doesn't really need it.

○ Karlach is a big cuddler and ehike it makes you feel awkward at first, as you get used to being touched it makes you feel more and more loved. Though it's usually something small like.hding hands or placing a hand on your.leg, Karlach is usually touching you somehow whenever you'll allow

#matchups #headcanon #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #karlach

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 1 year

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actually I’m moving this to a new post because fuck it

okay so I finally looked at the reply, and

Even though there is no good way to prepare for a neuropsychological evaluation, other than to get a good night sleep and avoid feeling hungry, it is not unusual to feel as though you could have done something more. In regards to the self-assessment tests you took on-line, research has demonstrated that some of them result in high false positive rates, which decreases the validity of the results (Sara Jones, Maria Johnson, et al Autism Research and Treatment; Bram Sizoo, EH Horowitz, et al Autism journal). Other psychiatric diagnoses besides autism can result in elevated scores on these self-tests. Neurocognitive discrepancies and deficiencies frequently associated with autism were not part of your pattern of test results. As I mentioned in the report you have symptoms consistent with autism but there isnt enough to reach the severity of an autism diagnosis. The results in my opinion are more accurately described by social anxiety, ADHD, and a persistent anxious mood disturbance. I appreciate your desire to better understand yourself and the test results and hope you are also able to discuss these questions with your therapist as well.

a) maybe I’m overly sensitive (...fine, I’m almost certain I’m overly sensitive) but this feels patronizing b) part of my entire point in sending self-test results and discussing additional things that didn’t come up in the interview was to point out, hey, I have potentially new information that didn’t come up in the interview so maybe the evaluation should be reconsidered, at least a little bit, in light of that new information? and this basically sounds like “no, I’ve already decided your social difficulties are based on anxiety and new information doesn’t affect that because the cognitive tests don’t indicate autism.”

in some ways, I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t find this upsetting because it’s not like they came back saying I’m neurotypical, they did confirm the ADHD so that’s something, especially because it's been pretty destabilizing the way my prescriber has always been kind of half-hearted about it (”yeah you fit the criteria but also it’s not a severe case, everybody forgets things sometimes, hmm wait you’re not responding to stimulant meds so maybe it’s not ADHD after all and I should change my diagnosis, idk”). and since there’s so much symptom overlap between ADHD, anxiety, and autism, maybe it shouldn’t matter that I only have a diagnosis for two of the three.

but it feels like--if it’s social anxiety, it’s on me to fix it. I have to work on it, and expose myself more, and put myself out there, and do exhausting shit that kind of makes me want to cry just thinking about it, and maybe if I work hard enough and burn myself out learning every social cue ever, I’ll eventually stop fucking up and manage to be normal, and maybe friends will stop ghosting me. I’m sure the healthier way to look at that is that it’s fixable and I should feel empowered to do something about it, but I don’t, I just feel exhausted and overwhelmed because I’m being asked to do something I don’t have the energy to do.

if I’m autistic, I’m...never going to be normal. I have to mask in certain settings, but the healthiest thing is to not mask as much as possible, to try to be authentic, whatever that ends up meaning. That’s...not necessarily good, because as I understand it a lot of people only like the mask, but at least that might mean it’s not my fault that people keep ghosting me, you know?

I don’t know, I’m probably looking at this all wrong because I just do that, because at this point my brain is so fucking rewired by depression I don’t know how to fix that either, but it feels like if it’s all social anxiety, any problems I have are my fault unless I put in the effort to fake everything, using energy I don’t have...whereas if I’m autistic, at least then maybe it’s not my fault, maybe I’m not already automatically wrong because it’s just how I am.

oh. and I did cancel my appointment with my prescriber. but I for sure do need to reschedule that one, because unlike my therapist I have her assistant actually calling back to arrange rescheduling something, plus you know I need to keep having appointments to keep refilling my prescriptions. only I still don’t want to. and I don’t really want to reschedule with my therapist either. probably I need to find a new therapist but just the thought of starting that process also makes me want to cry, so that’s not super great either

#brains behaving badly #autism #actually adhd

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arthurswine · 1 year

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greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask especially sense it would be your first matchup.(feel free to send one on my blog in return!). may I please have a romantic matchup for purple?

I’m 19, I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, witchcraft, true crime, necromancy, anatomy, etc. I typically consider myself a "gorehound" ig. I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( pierce the veil, deftones, system of a down, slipknot, rob zombie,,, sometimes radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do theater/dancing in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like autism, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

MATCHUP: Moths Purpura !!

(It's canon that they are nonbinary)

I instantly thought about them because I honestly think that Moths's type of partner would be someone that at least is close to their personality, + here few of my headcanon about them:

they listen mostly to hard-core metal and generally rock

it isn't hard for them to get jealous

they have moments where they need physical touch and actually need to touch their "sweet other" but sometimes they get so overwhelmed to the point that they would rather just be in the same room with the said s/o but without talking or anything just being in the same room even doing different things (plus: putting some metal music in the background 🫶)

I think that they would ADORE if their partner know even a little how to draw (they want to learn how to do it because they suck at it), that's why, when I saw that one of your comfort hobbies is drawing I was even more sure on a matchup with Moths (plus I headcanon that with a partner that knows how to draw they would slowly learn to the point that when they feel comfortable enough with their skills they'll start drawing their partner and sometimes insert themselves WAY too much

I just generally think that with the fact that they are a sort of "feral protective and affectionate (in their ways-) cat" you two would match perfectly, they just need someone to take care of and sometimes to feel taken care of <3

You can read this IF you want, but I wanted to say that for the very first time, I found someone HEAVILY similar to me (at least by how you described yourself) except for being sort of feral/angry sometimes we are actually very similar, I find comfort in the same music you just "listed" (and other genres), I'm touch starved like I SEEK for physical touch, I'm an INFJ too, I LOVE gore-ish/uncanny things, I find it fiscally draining talking to people most of the time and I do too hate those people that are overly annoying, I bottle up actually most of myself (opinions, feelings, tastes in general ecc), I do dissociate sometimes when it gets overwhelming but I usually need to listen to music at least 2 hours per day (I'm a maladaptive daydreamer), I have some hard-core problems with sleep and I'm slowly recovering from my depression, plus I honestly think I have autism but maybe I was sort of setted on masking since I was little and only now I'm realizing it? idk about it (plus I'm very fidgety too. Usually, I hump my legs and "play" with my rings and necklaces. Sometimes, I bite the inside of my cheek, or I "rotate/play with" my pens. I just generally consider myself as "weird but sort of approachable, depends"

Just to make it clear, you didn't bothered me in any way. Actually, I'm really happy that my first matchup wast for Purple! Anyway, I wish this was of your liking and I wish you a very pleasant day *virtual hugs*🫂

#purpleverse #purple #moths #moths purpura #matchups

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lion-of-liberation · 1 year

Text

I need to expose my thoughts. I talk and express a lot and yet there’s endlessly more under the surface always. It’s never-ending. I doubt there’s a single person that can handle the endlessness of it all. Some of its mundane, some is significant, some is deeply emotional, but they’re all intertwined and I can’t tell if that’s just what is or if I created it myself. I’m not sure if that even matters either because at this point it’s all real enough that I feel the need to purge it from my brain. I’ll start with some straight forward stuff: what I have self-diagnosed myself with and done nothing about.

It’s honestly embarrassing to think about self-diagnosing myself but… I know me best and I see how different I act in front of any human. It’s almost like I’m never there. Sometimes I am and I love it. But I don’t know why it’s hard to be there. And afterward I regret it and begin thinking about non existence. I’ve challenged myself to type out every natural thought as it comes. I’m not a fan but I need this out. I feel pretty qualified to self-diagnose as I work in the mental health field but do to the nature of what I believe I got going on, I haven’t done anything about this to go find out from an outside source.

This also embarrassing because I feel it’s common. But I hear others using stereotypes and basic examples as justification for their self-diagnosis. I’ve spent years on this. It was 5 years before I said anything to a friend out loud. Anyways… I believe I have ADHD. Stemming from that I’ve developed a propensity for anxiety, depression and imposter syndrome.

Currently, imposter syndrome and depression seem to be taking over. Anxiety used to be a bugger issue, leading to panic attacks and very literally running away. I’m in massage therapy school right now so I feel I’ve learned how to manage anxiety better naturally through this experience.

Depression - my motivation to do anything, including eat or shower has been dwindling for months. It gets better and then gets worse. I know that’s the nature of things but I just want be able to eat at least. I don’t know why something so simple is so difficult for me. Everyone seems to see me as an intelligent and thoughtful person and it just feels like they don’t know me at all. That’s the imposter syndrome right there.

I feel like my brain is full of all these things I want to be and do and I do none of it and my self appreciation just goes down every day. The thoughts of falling into a coma or disappearing have been more and more frequent and starting earlier and earlier in the day.

I feel stuck in some void, but it’s surrounded by mirrors so only I can see me and everyone else sees…something else.

I felt called to type all this out today because something significant yet insignificant happed as soon as I woke up. Someone had deleted me as a friend on Snapchat. I’d never known them in real life. We’d been in each others social media for a few years now. I thought of them as strange and cool, and potentially someone who’d be a friend. It seemed like we were on the same wavelength for a lot of things. He’s even said that once as well. I think people say things heartwarming often thoughtlessly and I’m always the person who takes it seriously and cherishes it. It’s why I hate hearing “I love you.” Anyways I was filled with thoughts that this man could be part of my soul family - a friend I’m meant to have in this life because so many of our interests and ways of being overlapped. I responded to his story yesterday… I guess he hated my response. Maybe something about it revealed to him an aspect of myself he found annoying enough to delete me after 3 years.

I didn’t think I’d be so hurt. But I cried really hard and I’m still crying now. Partly I had a small crush as I often do strictly with males very far from me, but honestly I was holding out hope I’d meet him and gain a new kind of friend. Now that fantasy is demolished and I’m devastated. There’s something good out of this I know. The universe might be pushing distractions out of my way. I’m too good at finding them. Maybe he felt how hard I was hoping he’d be my friend in real life. It all sounds pathetic. I feel starved for deep human connection yet when I make friends I’m so….awkward and feel I have to hide how much I like them. I don’t even like people often. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’d rather disappear.

I think I’ll procrastinate on talking about what I feel is ADHD in behavior. Specifically the imposter syndrome is what I feel the most. I feel like a joke and disappointment and I’m not sure how I’ll ever change or how to fulfill myself.

#imposter syndrome #mentally drained #mentally exhausted #mental health #undiagnosed adhd #gemini rising #leo sun #aries moon

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reomikagekin · 1 year

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greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bsd? (Also take your time, not rush at all. Life comes first.)

I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a "gorehound". I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, listening to music ( pierce the veil, deftones, system of a down, slipknot, rob zombie,,, sometimes the radiohead, insane clown posse, jazmin bean or mother mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games, reading, writing, or talking about a random conspiracy theory I have. I do acting in my spare time as a small hobby too, and I’m learning how to play electric guitar.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like adhd, insomnia, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". unfortunately health problems run in my family.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

i match you up with...

dazai!!

(Reminder i do not takw any matchup requests after this!! Tho ill finish all my other asks.)

•he loves how short you are,he loves to tease you (but also feels the need to protect you)

•he loves your style! I feel he would also be interested analog horror (idk why-)

•when he first met you,he noticed how quiet you are,but tge more comfortable you are,the more saracstic you became and he loves that.

•Tho people find you rude,he loves to be around you

•if things ever get to much,or your just really uncomfortable,he will take you to a place more quiet.

•he also suffers withd depression and insomnia (i think he does suffer with insomnia-?) He will be there for your and he will help you with a way he can. You have an asthma attack he will get your breathing tube and give it to you(idk what its called-)

•he finds it ADORABLE when you cuddle up with plushies.

•he will most definitly get you fidget toys if you ever need them.

#bsd x reader #dazai osamu x reader #bsd matchup

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rize-is-writing · 1 year

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greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you too much by sending in such a random ask. may I please have a romantic matchup for bsd?

I’m 19, I use they/them pronouns and I’m pansexual. my myers briggs type is INFJ and my star sign is taurus.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m kind of introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a "gorehound". I also like to visit abandoned places just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start taking, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

when I become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. Im also a caffeine addict, and I’m guilty of being very submissive- and a bit of a pyromaniac. Someone more dominant would be ideal. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I’m very fidgety, and often bite the inside of my cheek or bounce my leg rapidly. you don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time. <3

I found your match! Come to meet them, c'mon c'mon!

You hit the the jackpot.

Yosano as we all know has a love for the gruesome and gore, I'd totally agree that she would be enthusiastic about it with you, if her enthusiastic way is something you like of course. But I'm afraid she knows too well how it is the insides of human body, and is too happy to be able to...

As you want, she is a more "dominant" partner. I would say more assertive, the first to worry about your health in any situation and probably when out with you has already everything ready. As a doctor herself she understands the importance of health as foremost, and your care is important and not something to be "tolerated" as if it was a bother, simply to be supported and cared for in more critical moments.

(hope I am not romanticing ir though, the least I want to do is to make my readers uncomfortable. If I did, do not hesitate to call me out on it, and I willing edit this immediately!)

Definitely a bit fussy around your pyromaniac tendencies and your caffeine addiction, not really supportive on them- even though that might be hypocritical given how easy bottle is for her, and her little questionable hobbies to dissect her friends... I just hope bad arguments don't raise-

Anyway, Yosano as we know is quite the fashionable person so I think she would definitely make the most of your style for you, buying clothes and such (and have an excuse for you two to go out). Would find your love for plushes adorable so expect maybe some extra ones for your collection.

As for your general behavior around people, I don't think Yosano would be much of bothered by it, knowing her maybe sometimes will even back you up or laugh at some jokes (especially if about gruesome stuff) but if it goes too far will be the first to step in and talk to you. She is mature, and would be aware that you don't mean any harm in what you say, so in this case comunication is simply the key, as always.

#bungou stray dogs matchup #bsd matchup #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs yosano #bsd yosano #yosano x reader #matchups

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