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thecandywrites · 4 years

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Jewel Of The North Part 3

Aaah, we’re getting closer. Also this is fantasy, let’s pretend pallas cats are thunder cats and that they can be tamed. Also Scottish wild cats are a thing too. They can be thunder cats too.

Again major thanks to @monstersandmaw for sharing ice orcs with me.

Jewel of the North

Part 3

You found yourself getting up at 4:30 and quickly got a shower and got ready as the sun was coming up and by 5 am, you were itching to leave and decided to just go and practically speed walked to Noah’s house in the misty dawn, only to find Sakura and Noah sitting on the front porch, wrapped in blankets as Noah looked particularly tired as he downed his coffee as two snow dogs laid on the porch, trying to get some sleep before they heard your approach and sat up and stared at you before they got up and slowly wagged their tails but didn’t make a sound.

“Paradise!” Sakura squealed when she saw you as she instantly got up and ran to you as you laughed at the name as you caught her and picked her up and kissed her cheek as the dogs came running over to you too.

“Well good morning to you too Munchkin!” You greeted happily before you carried her back to the house and cooed to the dogs who seemed happy and excited to see you too and sniffed at you eagerly and barked and ‘greeted’ you too in their own way.

“What are you doing up so early?” You asked her.

“I didn’t want to miss you coming!” She insisted.

“Aw,” you cooed. “How long have you been up?” You asked her.

“Since 4:30- she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed.” Noah answered as he slowly got up out of his deck chair and grabbed his daughter’s blanket she left behind in her chair before he put it over her and you.

“Oh that’s better, it’s chilly this morning.” You insisted as you curled into the warmth of the blanket as you followed him into the house, grateful he held the door open for you. Thankfully he had already made breakfast which you happily started eating with them as the dogs instantly put their heads in your lap, wanting pets, acting like they never got pets or any kind of attention ever. Typical.

“So are you going to teach me how to be an heiress today?” Sakura asked eagerly and Noah nearly choked on his coffee.

“Probably not because I wanted to talk to your dad about that first .” You put to her before you turned to Noah.

“First I wanted to reassure you that whatever she tells me or whatever you tell me, I will keep in strict confidence and won’t be repeated to anyone unless I have your express and freely given consent to do so. Because honestly- the only people I would ever want to be telling anything to would be professionals, mostly very experienced lawyers and I will not do so unless I had your express permission to do it and I will not discuss anything of a private or sensitive nature unless it was in your presence as well. Second, I understand how I’m the outsider and honestly and realistically- you don’t know me from anyone and I completely understand if you’re uncomfortable with this and I’m not offended if you don’t want to involve me in anything sensitive, private or especially financial. If all you are comfortable with me doing is being here and watching her and being a babysitter, that’s fine with me, if you just want me to be a friend, I’ll just be a friend, if you want me to be an advisor, I’ll be an advisor. But only if you want me to be. You need to have your own boundaries for me and I’ll do my best to respect any and all boundaries given as long as those boundaries are clearly and expressly stated so there’s no confusion and no gray areas. I can not read your mind so if I cross a line, or if I have already crossed a line, please tell me as quickly as possible.” You insisted.

“Oh, no you haven’t crossed any lines at all, you’re good.” Noah readily assured you.

“Ok, good, I want us to stay on good terms and clear communication is the best way to achieve that.” You offered which earned a nod of agreement from Noah.

“So moving forward- if you do end up wanting my advice, I can be as specific or as generic as you want me to be. But I will not give unwanted advice and I will not involve myself without your permission and I would want to make sure that my involvement is welcome by especially Neena’s parents and perhaps your own since it’s obvious they all still play an active role in her life because moving forward, if you’re going to continue to rely on them for support, it’s best to have everyone on the same page and even though you are her sole parent and guardian and the responsibility for her rests solely on your shoulders- I know I appreciated having more than my own eyes and mind on a problem- the whole- two heads are better than one principle, but at the same time we don’t want to involve anyone who doesn’t need to be involved because of the other principal of having too many cooks in the kitchen as we need to find a balance between the two.” You suggested.

“I completely agree.” Noah nodded again in agreement with a fond smile.

“Well, speaking from experience, I have had unwanted advice crammed down my throat more times than I can count and I hated it and I’m not going to do that to you guys. And if you do want my advice, please know that I will be honest and transparent about it and the only thing I want to gain from any of it- is the assurance and reassurance that you and Sakura are going to be ok and taken care of and if I can pass on the lessons I learned so that you don’t have to go through what I went through to learn them- I’ll be content.” You explained as Noah’s eyebrows knitted closer together for a moment at your choice of words.

“Do you mind if I ask how you became an heiress?” Noah asked carefully.

“I don’t mind at all, so what happened was I befriended about a dozen older couples when I went to massage school a decade ago and at the time they were all retirement age and they never had any kids, or the ones who did, their kids had passed before they did and they didn’t have any other natural heirs, no kids or grandkids or anything like that and they all practically adopted me because I took care of them the way I would take care of my own grandparents and I just tend to adopt grandparents in general and kids obviously.” You gestured to Sakura who was sitting next to you at the kitchen table.

“Anyway, about two to three years before Andy died, most of them lost their partners and, again, none of them had kids to take care of them so I felt it was my responsibility as their friend to care for them because if I didn’t, no one else would and none of them were bad enough that they needed to go into a nursing home and I did all I could to keep them as independent as possible which is what they needed and what was best for them in those circumstances. So when Andy did die, the remaining ones were there for me to help me cope with his loss and how to protect myself and how to protect my kids and how to use what Andy left me in life insurance policies best and I took their advice and used it and benefited and then when they passed a few months later, and they all passed within the span of a week which was unreal - so it was just all one big funeral for me and I found out that all of them individually- left everything to me and none of them used the same lawyers or anything so there was no way for me or any of them to know that the others were doing the same thing since going into that ordeal I had only known that one of them were going to leave me anything and what they were leaving me was very modest in all respects. But within the span of another week after that in settling their final affiars which is when I found out I became inheriter to 15 different estates , it was really weird and I was investigated because the sheer coincidence of it seemed odd to everyone, most of all- me, and because there wasn’t any other parties coming forward trying to claim anything and because the only role I had in their passing was that I helped relieve pain and suffering and didn’t actually murder anyone, I got to keep it all and for a whole week after the deaths, I literally just kept going from each house and just cleaning out the fridges and freezers because I had already taken all their pets home with me, so now I have a freaking menagerie at home because I love and adore all of the pets and didn’t have the heart to take them to a shelter because most of them were old anyways and they should live out the rest of their lives in comfort and peace like their owners, and it’s obvious that your precious babies have picked up on that.” You explained as you turned your adoring attentions back to his dogs who were soaking up your attentions happily.

“So what about the wolves and vultures?” Sakura asked.

“Oh boy, well, that’s figurative, I’ve had to deal with figurative wolves and vultures in that people have tried to take advantage of me and think that because I was a woman who didn’t have any experience with managing estates and money and property that they could come in and take it from me the way a vulture will try to take a carcass from another or how they’ll prey on an injured animal and wait for it to die or how wolves will surround their target and overpower it, the same thing happened to me and it’s awful.” You answered.

“How?” Sakura asked curiously.

“Well, while the rest of my adopted grandparents were dying and I was inheriting all those estates, the company Andy had worked for- sued the manufacturer of the crystal grower that malfunctioned and killed him at work and because I was- and I quote- “the prettiest of the widows” his company paid me a ridiculous sum of money and other benefits to be the public face of the lawsuit even though there were five widows and widowers involved but it was my face that was crying in a courtroom that sold the story in the news and got the jury to sympathize and his company used my sob story, leaving out the fact that I was also an heiress for all these other estates- for their benefit and won the case in court- but because of my adopted grandparents who had amazing lawyers, who then became my lawyers, they made sure I got the lion’s share of the settlement because it was my face and my life that was put in the public eye for a hot minute and because of my own exposure, suddenly I had dozens of organizations and charities contact me too but because the settlement was so big, my biggest priority was making sure the other widows and widowers got a fair share and that they and their families were also taken care of because they didn’t have good lawyers like I did. So I used what little power and control I had in that situation to benefit them too because corportate greed is second to none.” You revealed.

“Oh good grief.” Noah huffed.

“Yeah, it wasn’t fun. The absolute worst part about it were just the figurative vultures and wolves. All these men came out of the woodwork after the court win because it was in the news- all of them thinking I was this ‘poor, inexperienced, stupid widow’ who practically won the lottery because the settlement was the same size as a small lottery and thought that I had gotten all of the settlement which wasn’t true or thought that I didn’t have any sense or propriety and thought that because I was young and inexperienced, they could take advantage of me which backfired on them spectacularly. Especially since I have clients on the local police force, fire department and other first responders who had been friends of mine before all this went down and who saw me through all of it and the moment any guy crossed that line of getting too close to me or especially my kids, who before any of this happened, I was already an overprotective Mama Bear anyway and through this whole ordeal, I just grew bigger claws and fangs and one hell of a bite and swing,” You gestured, making your hand clawed and swiping at the air which got Noah to grin appreciatively.

“Anyway so if they got too close, they got the boot and a restraining order, I currently have over two dozen restraining orders against creepy vulture slash wolf tipes and I have gotten really good at spotting them from a mile away. I was already good at reading people and getting a sense of them because I’m an empath, it’s what I naturally do best, but now it’s basically a super power.” You chuckled before you continued to eat your breakfast.

“And despite all that, you’re still... just a normal, down to earth mom.” Noah praised which made your smile bloom even brighter.

“I try really hard not to let my past experiences change who I am too much because at the end of the day, what you just said is all I want to be. I used to be an easily trusting, very carefree, easy going and down to earth kind of person and I always reserved my judgement of people until I saw by their words and most importantly their actions- what kind of person they were and reacted accordingly I’ve always done my best to be a kind, generous and hospitable and caring person and I don’t want what has happened to me to change those parts of me that I like the most and that I’ve worked hard to cultivate despite how vicious and cold the rest of the world can be and just because I have suffered, doesn’t mean I should add to anyone else’s suffering and I don’t want greed or the love of money to corrupt me, I want to use it as the tool it is to build up instead of a precious finite resource that should be hoarded whenever encountered. A good person is a good person no matter how much money they have, and there’s a saying in the south about ‘acting too big for your britches’ that my parents and my inlaws are really good at calling me out on and at the time, I didn’t like it but after I thought about it, I realized they were right and I’m still humble enough to accept their council and we all need someone in our lives to bring us to our senses and remind us to keep it real.” You revealed as Noah smiled and nodded his approval to those sentiments.

“Which is why I, for better or worse tried dating again, and why the few dates have been really casual. Two of them had no idea about my past with the inheritances or the court case or anything like that. All they knew about me was that I was a widow, a single mom of two, that I own my own massage business that I run out of my house and that’s it and that’s all they needed to know about me. I had two dates at a trampoline park that I take my kids to a lot and we met, sat in side by side massage chairs and chatted while our kids played. That’s literally all that happened and in talking to them, while they were nice and friendly, I just didn’t connect with them. And because of my past, my walls are already pretty high and thick and most guys just assume it’s because my late husband was abusive, which- he wasn’t, but they just assume I’m more trouble than I’m worth and leave me alone in peace which is all I can ask for from them.” You explained.

“Although. There was a third guy that I’m pretty sure he found out about my financial past mid date because we were out to dinner, everything was going ok, the kids are getting along and him and I are having the ‘expectations’ talk about what we’re looking for a in a partner, what we’re not looking for, what our turn offs are and the more I talk I can see it in his eyes that he’s losing interest because he walked into the date thinking he can just move right on in, instant perfect family, his partner would have “a little hobby side business”,” You waived off dismissively, scrunching your nose as your tone grew sarcastically condescending which got Sakura to giggle and Noah to chuckle. “Which I get a lot, people who undervalue or underestimate it and it’s not my job to prove its validity, I let the work speak for itself, anyway- so he thought all he would have to do is go to work and provide and to hear that- that’s not exactly how things were going to work with me- he’s clearly not interested anymore and he withdraws which is fine because the more he talked, the more I didn’t like him either because if he can’t respect me and my profession, I don’t have to respect him in turn but I have manners so I stay pleasant, especially since kids are present and there’s never a reason to be rude or mean to a child. So he gets up to go to the bathroom, and he’s gone for like 30 minutes, like long enough that I start to worry he just dropped his kids off on me and ran and I’m talking to the kids trying to figure out if I need to be calling their mother to come pick them up or cramming them all into my car or what and then he comes back and it’s instantly a whole new version of him that I’m having dinner with- he comes swaggering back to the table with a bottle of the most expensive wine the Olive Gardens had and the difference in attitude, opinions and outlooks were night and day- like he had schizophrenia and I just had dinner with a different version of him and he’s all smiles and charm and talking about how all the ways he can support me in “my calling” and how ‘all he’s wanted is to be a stay at home dad and how “honorable” staying home and taking care of kids really is and taking extra care in raising and educating kids and taking care of animals is his life’s ambition’ when half an hour ago- he admitted that he never even once changed a poopy diaper and all domestic activities were what he got married for so he didn’t have to do them and that he never let his kids have indoor pets because they shed and make a mess and are more trouble than they're worth and at this point all of his kids are looking at him like he’s grown a second and third head and I put two and two together pretty quick that he got wind of my financials and he absolutely insisted he pay for everyone’s dinner when before we had agreed that we’d be paying separately and for the next week he was calling me at least three times a day trying to get another date which I always ignored his calls so he left the most ridiculous voicemails ‘how our kids really “clicked”,’ and ‘how beautiful I was’ and ‘what an amazing and accomplished woman I was’ and how he ‘needed me in his life’ and how ‘we need to hang out and go do stuff’ and even offered to take me and my family to Cedar Points for a whole weekend getaway and get a suite and so with some courage, I finally called him back and I just had to be very honest with him and tell him under no uncertain terms that none of those things were going to happen and to lose my number because I was not interested and I called him out on his behavior and point blank demanded why he had such a sudden change of heart and demanded to know why he was calling me so much and he tried to play it off but when I didn’t buy it and tried to tell him to go take a hike- he pushed back saying I owed him money for him buying me and my ‘ungrateful brats’ dinner that’s when I involved my friends with law enforcement because he got real nasty real quick and after that I took a break and that was a month and a half ago and I’ve just been doing my best to be patient and wait for the right guy with the right circumstances and the right personality and the right morals and values to come along and just...give me kindness, and sympathy, empathy and understanding and just..love me for me for me, with all my flaws and shortcomings without thinking that my bank account makes up for any of them or who won’t look at my bank account and think he’s expected to match it. Honestly I’m more scared that the right guy will take one look at my bank account and get scared off or think he’s not good enough because he’s humble or he came from a humble background like I did or think that all rich people are bad selfish people because that’s not true.” You confessed and realized that Noah wasn’t really talking but he was giving you the most interesting look. Like he was thinking very deeply about what you were saying before his phone started to ring.

“Oh, sorry, you should get going to work, sorry if I kept you.” You apologized but he waived you off as he listened to who was on the other end of the phone and got up from the table.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit.” He bid them before he stopped and kissed Sakura goodbye before he, out of habit- kissed the crown of your head as he passed you before he had to pause after the fact and stood up straight as a board as Sakura giggled gleefully as your cheeks were bright kashmir sapphire blue along with your ears as you couldn’t help but giggle yourself because that was the most precious thing he could have done in that moment.

“Uhh, sorry?” He apologized as his own cheeks were a deep midnight along with the tips of his ears.

“Don’t apologize, it’s ok, I take it you used to do that a lot with Neena, old habits die hard, I don’t mind one bit, if anything I’m very flattered and honored, you’re good, we’re good.” You reassured him with a bright happy smile.

“Thanks,” Noah ducked his head sheepishly before he continued on his way and ran his hand down his face.

“Fuck.” He breathed once he got in his truck and started it and drove away.

“Actually Zara, I wasn’t thinking of Neena at all when I kissed you, I just did it because it felt like the most normal, natural thing to do with you looking like an absolute vision sitting at my table at 5 in the morning eating pancakes with my daughter and I- and the way you are with her is all I could have ever wanted and dreamed of and I’ve also been praying to the gods for patience while I wait for the right woman with the right heart condition and the right values and morals to come along and love her and me and you’re exactly what I’ve been praying for and I’m scared shitless because you are so much more than I could have ever dreamed of and you just radiate warmth and love and Sakura already loves you and I’m hopelessly head over heels, over the moon- crazy about you and I haven’t been sleeping well because every time I close my eyes, I see your face and because of that, I’m just constantly horny with you on my mind and I haven’t had sex with a woman since Neena and burying myself to the hilt in you is now my number 1 fantasy since I met you two days ago and I just want to kiss you every time I see you because I’m attracted to you and I can’t do that because you don’t know me even though it feels like I’ve known you for forever and this is crazy and I don’t know how this is going to work at all and I’m ready to just up and sell everything I own and follow you home like a lost puppy but I don’t know if you’ll let me and I’m stuck and the more you talk, the more I find out about you, the more I find to like and love about you and I’m in way over my head and I’m praying to the gods, every day to reveal to me the best path to take with you but I don’t know where to start.” Noah ranted to himself as he drove down to the airfield.

Meanwhile back at Noah’s house.

“Did your dad used to kiss your mama a lot before he left for work?” You asked Sakura.

“Yup, and every time he left for work, she would pray to all the gods for fair winds and for him to have safe flights and return home to us.” She informed you proudly.

“Could we do that? I feel like we should do the same, it’s a tradition we need to keep going.” You proposed as she eagerly got up and took your hand and brought you to the wall in the living room where a few stone symbols- symbolizing the gods they worshiped- hung on the wall-- you also had the same at your own house, a couple of them you recognized but you didn’t know the others. Then she got her prayer rug out from under the couch and got her mom’s old one and got it out and put in down for you to kneel on too which you did, copying her movements.

“We always prayed in Intuck though.” She sighed.

“Well, I don’t know any Intuck- but if you say the words first, I will do my best to repeat them, could you help me learn? Because the best way to learn something is to teach someone else and I know Intuck is a big part of your heritage and we should honor that and use it as much as we can.” You asked her as she nodded eagerly before she carefully and slowly and deliberately said the words as you did your best to repeat them exactly or as closely as you could and kept looking at her to make sure you were saying these words right.

“You did really good! Not one mistake!” She cheered.

“Thank you, I tried really hard. So what did we just pray for? Can you tell me in Anglo?” You asked her hopefully.

“Yup, we prayed for Daddy to have good flights in good weather, we prayed for generous customers, we prayed for his plane to fly well and we prayed for him to come home safe.” She told you even though she purposefully left off the last thing. The last thing she had you pray for was for her daddy to come home with more love than he left with and for him to come home to find more love than he left knowing was there, it was an extra prayer her mom prayed for when her mama and her dad had disagreements that they needed to reconcile over but Sakura knew when she hugged you the first time that your hugs and her mom’s hugs were the same. She could feel how much you loved her already just from that one hug was enough to convince her that you were her mom and that her wait for one was over and with you already showing respect to her mama and her mama’s memory and her mother’s native language and culture told her that you were a respectful person who wouldn’t try to change her and her culture, that you would be embracing it with her and she knew that the gods sent you all the way from the Great Lakes, just to be with her. She didn’t know if she would be moving in with you or if you and your family would be moving in with her, but she was going to love having siblings. She felt like looking at you was the same as looking at a new story book, one she didn’t know the story in it yet, but could tell from the pictures that it would be her new favorite and that it would be a happy story and one with the best ending where everyone lived happily ever after.

“Will I offend you or the gods if I continued to pray my own prayers but in Anglo?” You asked respectfully.

“Nope, the gods listen to all those who genuinely and honestly pray to them, no matter their language.” She insisted.

“I was taught the same. Ok, do you mind if I pray out loud or should I keep my prayers to myself?” You asked her as she got back on her little prayer mat before you sat down cross legged on yours since your lower legs were killing you sitting on them and you always prayed sitting down cross legged.

“Please pray out loud, I want to hear how you pray.” She answered excitedly.

“Come here Honey,” You invited her before she happily got into your lap and sat in it and settled against you as you wrapped your arms around her and placed your palms together but upturned.

“Why do you have your hands turned up?” She asked.

“So that the gods can take all my troubles and anxieties, all my hurt, all my sorrow and pain and give me instead- happiness, peace, serenity, calm and answers to the problems or they can provide the answers themselves and if I’m lost, they can take my hands and lead me to where I need to go and place me where I need to be. So that I can enjoy the day and every moment in the day without my joy and happiness stolen by worry and anxiety or anger. To love and appreciate the people around me and that friends and family who will love me and care for me as much as I love and care for them.” You answered before she did the same, her little hands upturned between your own as you watched as she closed her eyes with a serene smile on her face which brought a bright, appreciative smile to your own before you closed your eyes and took a cleansing breath and addressed not just your own gods but the ones who you had just been introduced to as well.

“Please oh gods of the heavens above, in the earth with me and in the depths of the sea-, hear my prayer. Please help me to help Sakura and her father Noatak with their troubles, no matter the kind. Help me guide them to the best and most successful path. Help me keep in mind what is best for both Sakura and Noatak and help all my words to be used with grace, kindness, gentleness, wisdom and respect. Please let there be no mistaking my words and intentions. Help me ease their pain and discomfort so that they can embrace the present and enjoy their future while not abandoning the past, but to honor it and those in it. Please grant Sakura, Noatak and my family and myself peace and serenity to accept the things we can not change and should not change, but courage to change the things we can and that need to be changed and to face what we need to face with bravery, perseverance and patience and the wisdom to distinguish between what we can not change and what we can. But to walk with our eyes towards all of you, please direct my steps so that I continue to walk the path you’ve set before me and help me guide others on their paths so that we all can have happiness, peace, meaning, purpose and fulfillment and if at all possible, success. Amen.” You prayed.

“Amen.” Sakura mirrored emphatically as you noticed the dogs were laying down around you as you curled your hands around hers and squeezed them as she squeezed back and smiled adoringly up at you.

“That was a really good prayer. I liked it.” Sakura praised.

“Thank you.” You grinned.

“So, your Daddy told me that you guys have horses,” you began.

“We do! We should go feed them breakfast, Daddy forgot to do that before he left!” Sakura realized before you got up and got your jacket on and got Sakura bundled up before she led you to the back where a barn was and horses were sleeping in their stalls but awoke once you opened the barn door as the dogs came trotting into the barn with you before Sakura walked you through what Noah usually did when he cared for them as you happily followed her instructions and even took extra care to brush them, clean out their feet and check them over the way you did with your own horses before you walked them out to the pasture so you could muck out their stalls and tidy things up a bit before your phone rang.

“Well hello, I take it you’re up in the air.” You mused since you could hear the plane running in the background.

“Yeah, I was just calling to check in.” Noah said, feeling like an idiot, you were a mom, he knew he could trust you to take care of his child but he was more anxious to know how you were faring, if Sakura was behaving for you and he was desperate for reassurance that everything was ok because he couldn’t ignore the urge to call.

“We’re doing great. Here, it’s your Daddy,” you offered the phone to Sakura as you continued to muck out the stalls.

“Daddy! Paradise and I prayed for you in Intuck just like Mama and I used to and the way Nana and I still do and Paradise did so good! She got all the words right and she’s having me teach her Intuck because she says the best way for me to learn and remember it is to teach someone else and it’s true! Then she showed me how she prayed and I got to sit in her lap and pray with her and it was just as nice and now we’re taking care of the horses because you forgot to before you left and she says she has horses too and she’s mucking out their stalls and even cleaned out their feet and brushed them even though it was kind of hard because all they wanted to do was hug her the way they used to hug mom and the dogs are being really good too.” Sakura babbled excitedly as she sat on a bale of hay and talked with her Dad on your phone.

Meanwhile Noah was scrunching his face because he knew he had forgotten something this morning.

“Well tell her I said thank you very much for helping me with the horses, I really appreciate it.” He urged her.

“My Daddy says ‘thank you for helping him and he appreciates it’,” Sakura repeated.

“Tell him it’s no problem at all, I’m happy to do it but tell him that the blue roan will need a trim soon.” You answered.

“She said Kabluey needs a trim.” Sakura repeated as you busted out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Sakura asked.

“Kabluey is the name of a variety of blueberries. I grow kablueys at home. I think Kabluey is an amazing name for a blue roan.” You explained.

“Well hopefully I’ll be able to do it when I get home.” Noah answered.

“He said he’ll do it when he gets home.” Sakura said.

“I didn’t realize your Daddy was also a ferrier.” You appraised appreciatively as you imagined what Noah would look like on your farm in a tight pair of jeans bent over trimming your own horses feet, preferably with his shirt off and maybe a shimmering sheen of sweat on him that you could help him shower off.

Focus Zara. Horse stall.

“So can Paradise and I go riding later? Please?” She asked hopefully.

“If he trusts me to take you on a ride, then I’ll happily do so but if he’s not comfortable with that, then don’t beg him and try to push him when he’s not ready.” You insisted as Noah just smiled wide into the phone as any stress he was feeling melted away.

“Sweetie, give the phone to Paradise.” He urged her.

“Yes?” you answered.

“You have my permission to do whatever you want to do. I trust you completely.” Noah insisted.

“You sure?” You questioned.

“Absolutely. You girls have fun today, do whatever you want to do.” Noah urged you and you both heard and felt his genuineness and earnestness in that.

“Ok.” You agreed. “Is there anything in particular you want us to do today? Laundry, dishes? Not burn the house down?” You asked and Noah barked an amused laugh.

“Yeah, just that last one.” Noah.

“Dinner?” You asked hopefully.

“Only if you want to, this is your vacation after all.” Noah tried to dissuade you but his tone was incredibly weak because honestly food from you would be food from the gods at this point.

“Oh I definitely want to.” You firmly resolved. Oh you were going to woo him with food damn it.

“Well honestly there’s some grocery shopping I need to do, there should be a list on the fridge, if you go, keep your receipts and I’ll pay you back for whatever.” Noah revealed.

“Is there a budget you want me to try to keep?” You asked thoughtfully.

“Well that’s the thing, grocery shopping is really expensive up here, it’s gonna be about a hundred dollars.” He warned you.

“Yeah that’s not going to be a problem.” You reassured him. Oh you were going to hook him up.

“Any food allergies I should be aware of? Nuts? Dairy?” You asked.

“Nope. Although if you can find a way to make vegetables slightly more appealing to Sakura I’ll be forever grateful.” Noah hinted.

“Awesome, and between what times should we expect you home? Like between 6-7 or 7-8?” You asked.

“Honestly I don’t know at this point, right now it looks like I’ll be home by 5-5:30 but that could change several times between now and then, but I shouldn’t be home any later than 8.” He mused.

“Ok, do you have any preferences or any foods that you’re not allergic to but you’d rather eat cardboard than eat it? Like mushrooms? Peppers? Broccoli?” You began to list off.

“Ok, I’ll level with you, Sakura isn’t the only one who doesn’t like her vegetables, and I feel like the reason for that is because I’m not particularly good at making them.” He confessed which got you to laugh.

“I appreciate your honesty. None of us are perfect. Are we usually meat and potatoes kind of people?” You gently teased.

“Yup.” Noah nodded.

“Ok, I’ll see what I can do, keep me posted Babe.” You offered before you slapped your hand over your mouth as Sakura cackled with glee. Her prayers were working already! And the sound of Noah laughing told you that he was at least amused.

“Habit?” He asked.

“Yup.” You lied because that was easier than fessing up that you were falling helplessly, hopelessly head over heels for him. You were fucked.

“It’s ok, we’re ok, you’re good.” Noah reassured you.

“Thank you, see you at home later. Fly safe.” You urged him.

“Will do, see you later, bye.” Noah bid you and felt twice as high as he was. You called him a pet name. He didn’t care if it was on accident, that was heavenly. Today was going to be a great day.

Once you were done in the barn you had Sakura come back into the house so you could clean up from breakfast and get a look at that grocery list before there was a scratch at the window and you saw a massive thunder cat at the kitchen window before it meowed at you as it looked expectantly at you.

“Is..this cat yours?” You asked before Sakura eagerly rushed to the back porch where a trio of cats were from having gotten out of the house when Noah and Sakura had initially been in the porch waiting for you this morning. One of them was clearly a thunder cat, the others, were two of the biggest tom cats you’ve ever seen in your life and all three eagerly came into the house and rubbed against Sakura before all three came over to check you out before the thunder cat outright climbed you like a tree.

“Claws,” you whimpered as you braced against the counter before it happily got to your shoulder to look you over and sniff you before it started rubbing it’s face on your face.

“Well hello to you too.” You greeted happily before it outright laid down over your shoulders.

“Comfy there?” You gently teased as you scratched his ears as it started to purr very loudly in your ears before you continued to have Sakura go through the cupboards and showed you and told you what they had food wise as you made your own grocery list as you went through the freezer and fridge to see what he had and what he needed as recipes started popping like fireworks in your head of what you wanted to cook as you made notes of what dishes he had and what you wanted in each dish. You wanted to go all out. Not just the classics and tried and true but take a leap of faith on something else as you suddenly realized- your second trunk. YES.

Whenever you traveled you packed one set in one thing and another set in something else. Just in case either the airline, the cruise ship or whatever lost a piece of luggage, you weren’t screwed. You had packed two sets of spices and other staple ingredients. And both cases made it. In fact, not a piece of luggage had gone missing. You were going to try to sneak it in with the clan’s gift of seeds. Now- you were going give it to Noah and you couldn’t imagine a more deserving recipient or a more appreciative one. Then you went though the rest of the house, hunting to see if he needed laundry supplies or other cleaning supplies and jot those down.

Passing by Noah’s bedroom, you practically stopped in your tracks as your nose led you to turn your head as you sniffed in a deep lungful. His scent was so strong and so alluring there and it made your mouth water. You noticed some laundry and got a basket and gathered it before you picked up a pair of socks by the bed and upon picking up both socks- they squished in your hand and you did your best to stifle your laughter and one sniff confirmed your suspicion. It felt really “fresh”, maybe from last night or early this morning and really big loads in both socks. Your ego hoped that it was thanks to you. And even if it wasn’t, maybe tonight it might be.

Normally such a thought would annoy you or even disgust you. But with Noah? Nope. Quite the opposite. Part of you wanted to turn him on and light his fire so to speak and the thought of running him dry was a brand new fantasy for you and felt more like a mission than anything. You weren’t ashamed to admit it. You wanted him. And in this moment, badly.

You had your work cut out for you.

You did your best to tidy as you went through the house. Not that it was terribly dirty or unkempt. Just a little cluttered here and there, some dusting was in order though. You could tell that he was in the middle of his busy season, you knew that sometimes things got forgotten or not done perhaps as often as they should when you were at your busiest. You were going to help him catch up and you had all day to do it.

You noticed he really only had the bare essentials as far as cleaning supplies and you wondered if that was because that was all he could afford.

Honestly, it was because of his patience and good will that you were able to make as much money as you did the day you met him and at this point, it was extra money you had not anticipated making or having in your budget for this trip and you had the very strong urge to pamper and spoil Noah and Sakura with it. All you needed was Taylor and her van. Besides she seemed keen on the match herself and you were sure she would help you and you were making your to do lists and shopping lists by the time she got there at 9.

“Good morning.” You greeted her cheerfully.

“Good morning,” She greeted you back sleepily.

“So, I need the biggest of favors.” You began and your eager eyes and mischievous smile had her mirroring your expression.

“What do you need and why?” She asked as she sidled up next to you.

“Ok so Noah needs a few things from the store and a little bit of housework here and there and he said I could make him dinner for when he gets home tonight.” You began.

“And?” She prodded as her grin grew into a full blown smile.

“Want to get a breath of fresh air?” You hinted as the kids were playing in the living room with the cats and the dogs before you and her stepped out of the sliding glass door in the back so you could keep an eye on the kids but keep some level privacy.

“Ok, so uh, stop me if I sound completely insane, but I really like Noah and Sakura and I don’t know what it is about them but I’m drawn to both of them. Like holding Sakura is like holding my own daughter and it’s like I’ve known them my whole life and we’re just the best and oldest of friends and I have the overwhelming urge to just...take care of them.” You confessed and Taylor was practically vibrating with joy. This was a great start. Things could grow and flourish from here. She just needed to give you the right encouragement.

“You are not crazy or insane for feeling that way, especially about Noah and Sakura. No one is more worthy or deserving of whatever help you can give them. And I know Noah will appreciate even the smallest or simplest of things you can give or even do for him.” Taylor nodded her agreement.

“Well Noah did tell me that he trusted me completely and that I can do whatever I wanted with Sakura today. So, that being said. I need to go back to your house to get my second trunk. Because that first one had all the spices and seeds in it? I had two just in case one didn’t make it. And I wasn’t sure what to do with the second and coming here and seeing how bare Noah’s kitchen really is…” You began.

“Oh definitely. Up here there’s a belief of The Gods’ Will. Sometimes we’re moved to do or say things that may not make a ton of sense to us in the moment. But end up fulfilling the prayers of others. I know Noah and Sakura have been praying for help for a year and a half. And last year Noah and Sakura were ok because Neena’s death was still fresh in everyone’s minds and everyone helped them out but this year- it’s like most of them forgot all about them and poor Noah is grappling with how to fulfill both roles by himself and he’s just plain overwhelmed and this year he’s picking up every job he can just trying to make ends meet and some of his customers that he used to really depend on are trying to cut corners by hiring newer pilots who are less experienced with smaller planes that are cheaper to run and so far the weather has been really good so the other pilots have been able to do his job better and instead of doing several jobs at once, these places can afford to send out five individual pilots with single loads to a single destination quicker, like truckers and these other pilots can afford to all share an apartment together because they’re all single guys with no dependants and can pool resources while Noah is all by himself and has not just his own mouth to feed but Sakura and his animals in addition to his own aging parents and Neena’s aging parents because Neena’s other siblings haven’t moved back to help out Neena’s parents too but he can’t afford to lower his prices to try to compete or else he would actually lose money instead of make it and some of his customers are becoming difficult to deal with and he’s left between a rock and a hard place and in the meantime Sakura needs to go to school this year and that’s a challenge in itself.” Taylor explained.

“Has Noah tried to move on romantically since he lost Neena?” You asked thoughtfully.

“No. Neena was practically a saint and most women around here feel they can’t measure up to her which isn’t fair to anyone. She wasn’t perfect but she was a really wonderful person. But I know he’s really lonely and he’s been praying for the right woman with the right heart condition who will recognize his situation and treat him and Sakura with love and kindness. And I’m thinking if you instantly feel like helping them upon meeting them even if you don’t know them very well and especially if you have the means and the drive to- that you’re most likely the answer to their prayers.” Taylor revealed.

“And if I just to happen to uh, coincidentally, find Noah incredibly, irresistably attractive and want to woo him by making him a feast and getting his house in perfect running order? And maybe even run him dry or at least raw?” You asked with a wince but a bright bashful smile none the less.

“Yyeeaass!” Taylor practically screamed in a bright cheer before she accidentally spilled some of her coffee. “Oh shit, can’t spill the coffee, it’s precious coffee.” Taylor murmured before she eagerly sipped more of it before she put it down and hugged you and practically jumped up and down on the porch with you.

“Ok, tell me how I can help.” She beamed.

You had her take you and Sakura back to her house where you grabbed not only your other crate but also a few other things and then once unloaded those things into Noah’s house and you took your lists and she drove you to the best big box club store in the area that would have everything you wanted even if it was a two hour drive away. You got two flatbed carts and Sakura, Jamie and Matt all sat one one that Taylor pushed around as Katie happily helped you with yours as you happily started to strategically loaded up what you wanted and needed, not caring in the least what it would cost because you had a budget of a few grand and it made you so happy and gave you so much satisfaction to be doing this for Noah and Sakura and with some sweet talking to the head butcher, he gave you one hell of a deal on a ton of meat as you also got some junk food for the kids to keep them happy and had lunch there at the place, having got two rotisserie chickens and by a miracle, you managed to squeeze it all back into the van as the kids were happily holding their new junk food in exchange to being a little cramped with other stuff packed in around them before they quickly fell asleep and took a nap on the way back as you spent the whole two hours back working out a schedule of what to do when so that right about 6- the house could be clean and a feast would be ready and once back at the house you put the plan into action and with Taylor keeping the kids busy with a movie, she helped you as much as she could as she also wrote down your recipes as you cooked them since you knew them by heart and showed her what you were doing as you did it so she could replicate it and right at 4:30, she took her kids home to make dinner for her own family since she was going to be using the same recipes you were since all the food you would be making was already in motion which left you to portion out the remainder of the meat.

By 5 you got the call that Noah would be another hour away from coming home and you knew it was then to start cooking the steaks and start the risotto since risotto was a very labor intensive process which would take the remainder of your attention as you and Sakura danced in the kitchen to music on your little portable speaker as you taught her how you danced and you were so caught up in dancing and grooving in the kitchen- you didn’t hear Noah come in the door as his nose practically went nuts. He had never smelled food like this before and it smelled better than anything he had ever smelled before. It made his stomach growl loudly which finally alerted you and Sakura to his presence.

“Daddy!” Sakura cheered as she ran over and leaped into his arms.

“Hey Kiddo, how was your day?” He asked her as he picked her up and carried her over to the kitchen.

“It was awesome! We had so much fun!” Sakura fawned.

“Did you go riding?” He asked.

“We didn’t have time, we went shopping and we did something called “being domestic” which was really just chores but she made it into a game, she bought these really cool cloths that pick up all kinds of dust and she had me dust everything I could reach with my stool so that I can help you keep our castle clean.” Sakura beamed as she showed him the dusting cloth.

“Castle?” Noah repeated, with amusement.

“Castle law- every man’s home is his castle.” You supplied as Noah ‘oh’ed’ in understanding.

“And she agrees that our castle is very grand in it’s own way. It may not be as big as others but it’s ours and we need to take care of it so it can protect us.” Sakura beamed.

“I agree.” Noah nodded. “So...how far over budget did we go?” Noah asked with a bit of a nervous laugh.

“I didn’t go over my budget, don’t worry about it, just sit down and eat. That’s all I want from you right now.” You urged as you took out the steaks from the oven and Noah made a whimpering keen when he saw them.

“Oh I’m in trouble, so much trouble.” Noah murmured in awe as he shook his head as he just watched in awed wonder as you seamed to pull a feast out of his kitchen, he didn’t think his kitchen was big enough for half of this. He was not worthy.

“Trouble of what?” You asked curiously.

‘Of falling in hopelessly in love with you’. Noah’s mind was begging his mouth to say.

“I...I’m in over my head. I have no idea how I’m...gonna pay you back for any of this.” Noah admitted.

“Hey, Noah, look at me.” You reached out and framed his face in your hands and you had the overwhelming urge to kiss him but you knew it would probably be inappropriate and he may not appreciate that, yet anyway.

“Do not cheapen my gifts by trying to put a monetary value to them or feel that you have to repay anything. Everything I’ve done and given was given freely and and with immense pride and joy. Do we owe the gods for when they answer our prayers and bless us? Do you think they keep a tally? No. So don’t start a tally with me, I give to you because I know you’ll be appreciative and you’re more than deserving and worthy. Please do me the honor of accepting these gifts with grace and happiness, that’s all that I ask and all that I want.” You insisted before he just lifted his own hands to hold your own face before he kissed your forehead and hugged you which you happily returned as his words of muffled thanks were music to your ears and this big hug from his was all you could fantasize about as his affection was practically making you love drunk and so unbelievably happy as you once again had that overwhelming sensation that you were at home in his arms. A new home, this one filled with so much more love than your last and it wasn’t until the dogs tried to nose their way between you that you finally let go of each other.

“Now let’s eat before it gets cold.” You urged before you handed him the largest plate as you quickly got Sakura her own plate.

“So what do we have?” Noah asked eagerly.

“Ok, so what we have is bacon sauteed brussel sprouts with maple syrup and goat cheese. We have broccolini with cheddar cheese those are my two- “healthy” vegetable dishes. From there we have loaded twice baked potatoes, liquor yams, but all the alcohol should have baked off so it’s safe for Sakura to eat them, she won’t get drunk or anything. Then we have death by cheese mac and cheese, mushroom risotto with extra sauteed mushrooms to go over your steaks and dinner rolls. The only rule I have is you are not allowed to put ketchup on my steaks. I bought steak sauce and brought homemade hot sauce.” You revealed as you pointed everything out and the only thing Noah wanted to devour more than the food was you but he didn’t have the nerve or the courage just yet as he just stood there and stared at the feast as his eyes just got a little watery.

“Could you um, like pinch me because I am not sure if I’m dreaming or halucinating. Because this is bordering on too good to be true.” He teased you.

“It’s very much real, but if you insist on a pinch...” You playfully reached over and pinched his butt as he recoiled only slightly but started laughing as his sleep deprived brain was about to short circuit because he was on the edge of being overstimulated. Like a pet diving into a pool of new toys, wanting to play with all of them at the same time and can’t decide which one to go for first.

“Eat, eat!” You urged him.

“You slaved for the meal, you go first, women and children first right?” He urged you.

“How chivalrous,” you flattered before you got yourself a good portion and sat down at the table before you opened your little jar of hot sauce for your steak.

“Hot sauce?” You offered as you sucked on the tip of your thumb as Noah seemed to fixate on your mouth before he swallowed hard before he tore his eyes away from your mouth to take the jar and found a tiny spot on his already heaping plate for it.

“It’s best on the mac and cheese though, like buffalo chicken dip but without the chicken.” You hinted.

“Prayer Daddy.” Sakura urged him before he could eat before you happily reached out and took Sakura’s hand and offered your hand to Noah who happily took it and held it as he tried not to let the touch completely blank his mind as he noticed your eyes were closed and the most beautiful, serene smile was on your lips as you held his hand and you were even more of a vision now than you were this morning. He closed his eyes and addressed all of his gods. In his prayer he thanked the gods for the pleasure of your presence and prayed that whatever blessings you gave and whatever you spent to make those blessings happen, returned to you a hundred fold and that whatever you did or would ever do would find success and you did your best to wipe away your tears as quickly as you could once he said amen. Andy had never prayed about you like that and it meant the world to you.

Noah tried his best not to moan, or cry. He tried, and he failed.

“So, I have to say, this is the best food I have ever put in my mouth. It’s like...the gods either prepared this food or this food was prepared for them, and I don’t know if I’m worthy as a mortal to eat it.” Noah teasingly praised and you beamed happily.

“Thank you. Welcome to Zara’s greatest hits food wise.” You gestured to the food. “For all the holidays, it’s always my dad, my brother in law Jake and myself who are in charge of the food. My dad is in charge of the smoker, so he smokes all the wings, the salmon, all the ribs and brisket and pulled pork and stuff. Obviously these are my specialties. Although my turkeys usually make my sisters cry. Jake, believe it or not is the king of casseroles and one pan and one dish dinners, like paella and all things seafood. While Anya and Tasha are on drink duty because Anya’s a professional bartender. And when it’s not holidays it’s superbowl, or it’s championships. Any excuse to get together and eat.” You explained.

“So what did your family think of Andy?” Noah asked.

“They got along really well, Andy was really quiet and shy at first and he was incredibly introverted. But he was also a really big guy, not quite as big as you but close and solid and he had resting…” You paused as you tried to think of the appropriate substitute.

“Jerk face?” Noah supplied.

“Yeah, jerk face. He couldn’t help it, that was just his face. But once he warmed up to you- oh man, you had to have a sharp wit to keep up with him and he could just deliver line after line and he could verbally roast anyone. Which at first is very entertaining and fun and my brother and my dad thought it was awesome because Andy was very much just one of the guys. But being married to that, it’s exhausting and hurtful and he had a really hard time turning the sarcasm off and he forgot to filter himself most of the time and when I would inevitably get my feelings hurt his mother would chastise me for being too thin skinned and that if ‘a Kingsley wasn’t making fun of you- they didn’t like you’ and Andy only ever had brothers. No sisters. But because he was so big and so mean looking, I could go anywhere I wanted with him and no one messed with me because they took one look at Mr. Big Scary Giant and thought twice about trying to spit game and Andy was incredibly strong and he only ever got into one fight when he was a kid and he put the guy into the hospital but Andy used that to his advantage he was a very intimidating person and one lip curl or a crack of his neck and knuckles and low growl and it was enough to unnerve anyone. Otherwise he was a great earner and provider financial and materially, he just had to be reminded often to be kind and nice.”

“But the price of all that was you were married to a sarcastic jerk.” Noah realized in disgust as you nodded.

“Yup, which is why I look at his life insurance policy money as money earned for being married to him so long, I know that sounds incredibly horrible and shallow but it’s the truth. Which is why when and if I get married again- how much money they make means very little to me and I don’t care about what they do as long as they like what they do because life is too short to slave away in a job you hate with people you despise. Personality is everything to me now. I got enough financially so that I’m set for the rest of my life. Now I just want to share my life with someone who makes me happy mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and of course the other kind that shouldn’t be talked about in polite company.” You specified with a mischievous grin which made Noah smile wide as he nodded and forced his mouth shut because he was about to volunteer himself, even though he was sleep deprived and exhausted, he felt he could push himself to really love you right. At least give his tongue a good work out. Because if you have the cooking skills of a goddess, by the gods, he was going to worship you like one.

Then you looked over at Sakura who was shoveling food in her mouth.

“Hey, hey, hey, slow down, the food’s not gonna disappear when you close your eyes, if you eat too much too fast you’ll get a stomach ache, do you want to throw everything up?” You asked her which made her pause.

“I’m not taking any of this food home with me, it’s all staying here. I made enough that you should have two dinners and a couple of lunches. And it all keeps in the fridge and microwaves pretty good.” You reassured her before she finally slowed down.

“It’s hard for me not to inhale it all too Baby,” Noah reassured his daughter with an understanding smile.

Once dinner was eaten, Noah happily helped you put the left overs away and got started on washing the bigger pots and pans that wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher and he was never sexier to you. Just to see this fine specimen of a man standing in front of a sink scrubbing pots. You were ready to suck him dry in the kitchen as you tried to stomp that down because he probably wouldn’t appreciate that or would be keen on letting you around his daughter again. He was a sensible, reasonable man and he may not be ready for that yet and he may not be interested romantically in you either and while you knew you were meant to be here to help. You didn’t feel you were meant to come and stay forever. You wanted him to be sure but you didn’t know how moving forward this could possibly work. You didn’t want to do him the injustice of a one night stand. You wanted more with him than just a night or two of casual sex. So in order for you to hopefully enjoy more in the future, you could deal with enjoying less in the moment. You wanted to build more. You still had a week up here, you had a little bit of time.

“So how long will you need to get your own appointments done?” Noah asked.

“Give me a day, I can get them all done tomorrow then I can be all yours the day after, I take it you’ll need more help with the bigger loads?” You guessed as Noah nodded.

“Honestly more of my most difficult customers.” Noah confessed.

“How are they difficult?” You asked thoughtfully as you helped him dry the dishes and put them away.

“Well only because I have a bigger plane and there’s some things that won’t fit in a normal bush plane. Otherwise they’ve used the newer pilots who are less expensive and don’t have the overhead or dependants I do that can do it cheaper than I can. In fact there’s a few of them who all room together on the other side of town. But I can’t lower my own prices any lower because if I do, I’ll lose money instead of making it.” Noah explained. Normally he wouldn’t be comfortable breathing anything this personal or private to anyone. But he felt comfortable confiding in you.

“How old are the other pilots?” You asked.

“Psh, barely adults, they’re like walking disasters, I’ve seen them try to do flips in the air with cargo on board and they don’t show any respect for anything. They think it’s all fun and games.” Noah griped and you felt rage lick up your spine.

“Well it does make business sense to try to undercut what you can and take chances on the less reliable if it saves your bottom line in the moment. But when you do that- you risk the quick easy fix costing you quite a bit in the future. Especially when the new easy fix isn’t reliable and catastrophic failure is always a thing you have to contend with- with anything. When I have new clients as they look at how much my own fees are and the numbers give them pause. My usual go-to is to remind them that they get what they pay for and it’s my experience and my specialities that recommend me. When we go to the hospital, do we want an inexperienced surgeon operating on us? Who’s trying to get their start in their career by slashing prices to get new clients? No. Hell no. We want the older more experienced surgeon with thousands of operations under their belt, who has kept up with their continuing education and has prided themselves on staying on the cutting edge because it’s our lives on the line. That’s why I used your services at first was because you had the most experience and you were the greatest professional that could be recommended and that’s why you’re worth your fees. Because it’s not just your own livelihood on the line, it’s your family’s and it’s your clients livelihoods too. You’re a serious and respectful professional. They aren’t. I think it’s only a matter of time before your clients get burned by using young and stupid. Because honestly, if they fail, it’s no big deal, they don’t have families that will go hungry, you do. Are these other pilot’s- locals, natives or outlanders?” You asked.

“They’re all outlanders,” Noah answered.

“And your clients?” You inquired as you tilted your head.

“Locals and natives.” Noah answered.

“Can you do me a favor?” You asked.

“Anything.” Noah answered.

“Write down the names of your difficult clients for me. Whenever I have issues especially with clients, especially tight fisted, cheapskate ones or ones that have problems out of my control that they’re somehow making me responsible for, I pray for them to come to their senses or simply have sense and reason. And if you could write down the names of the other pilots, I would also like to pray for them too.”

“You’re not going to curse them are you?” Noah teased as he did as you asked of him after he dried off his hands after finishing the dishes.

“No, I pray for my own competitors, because honestly there are some clients that are more trouble to keep than they’re worth and so I send them to my own competitors to deal with and I pray that those clients stay with them instead of coming back to me when they find out that I’m better than they are. Some clients are always about getting as much out of you as they can for as cheap as they can and I put as much distance between me and them as I can so that I will have the free space for the clients who will appreciate my quality and feel that I’m worth the investment. Instead of a “stupid splurge” that others think I am. So maybe these other clients that you’ve lost, you’re better off without them and now you’re free to take on new clients, clients who will appreciate you and not undercut you but build you up and hopefully pay better than the ones you lost ever paid you. Besides, if push comes to shove and your business goes belly up, I mean heaven forbid and knock on wood...” You quickly knocked on the countertops as he did too. “I have all kinds of connections with the air force base that’s half an hour away from me and there’s a local international airport that’s forty minutes away and there’s air fields all over, I’m sure there’s still all kinds of opportunities for you as a pilot anywhere you go, you could even be a private jet pilot if you really wanted to.” You mused as Noah considered those options.

“But that’s neither here nor there and that’s puting like...7, 8, maybe even 9 carriages before our horses so don’t worry about it. Sometimes all we can do is pray and leave things in the god’s hands and trust that it’ll be ok.” You reassured him. “And I have a feeling everything will be just fine.” You added with a serene smile before you just enveloped him in a hug which he happily returned and he could have died happily right there in his kitchen and holding you, he felt the rest of his stress and anxiety completely leave him and if you were a goddess in the kitchen, you were an ethereal deity in his arms. Your touch was grounding yet uplifting all the same and you smelled amazing and he just wanted to lose himself in you.

“Paradise? Could you give me a bath please?” Sakura asked which reluctantly pulled you out of Noah’s arms.

“Sure thing Kiddo.” You agreed as you went to her and took her hand and together you went upstairs to where a large clawfoot tub was as you got her a bath, letting her use one of the bath bombs you had packed. You had again packed two sets of bath bombs and with one set with Taylor’s kids, the other set would be here for Sakura and Sakura picked one of your absolute favorites as you both watched as it dissolved, turning the water a kaleidoscope of colors as you used your special body wash to gently clean her skin as you sat on the floor next to the tub so that you could wash and rinse her hair as well as she played with her toys in the tub and once her hair was done, you got some leave in hair conditioner and detangler for her hair as you lovingly and patiently combed it all out. Sakura had such long and delicate fine white hair, like strands of silk by the time you were done with it and didn’t even notice how Noah was watching from the doorway.

He had taken the moment of peace to finish up his paperwork for the day and just watching you be the mother you were with his daughter was practically bringing him to tears again. It was such a beautiful, heartwarming sight and if he had thought he was head over heels in love with you this morning, he was a goner for sure now. He felt incredibly whole and full after feeling so broken and hollow for so long. Something he thought impossible three days ago. But he was not about to question it. He was just grateful for it.

Once she was cleaned up and the water was turning cold, you drained the tub and wrapped her up in a towel and helped her get ready for bed before she had you read her a story as Noah got a shower himself after rinsing out the tub of the remains of the bath bomb and since Sakura’s room was right across the hall, you got the glorious gift of seeing Noah in nothing but a towel around his waist as he walked from the bathroom to his room and seeing that big strong muscled back dripping with water, oh gods, you nearly fainted and the words out of your mouth trailed off as you realized Noah had one the best deriers you had probably ever seen in your life. He had curves that would put a back road to shame and once his door was shut that pulled you from admiring him back to Sakura’s story book but thankfully once you looked back to see if Sakura had noticed, she was thankfully out like a light.

You closed the book and kneeled next to the bed and prayed to all the gods that she would sleep well and sleep in tomorrow to give Noah a chance to recover and you prayed for guidance in helping her and Noah and for the way to help to become evident to you and for you to recognize the opportunities and to have courage to take them when they presented themselves.

When you were done you got up just to see Noah coming out of his room, dressed in pajamas and while you would love nothing more than to peel them off, the thought of bed and sleep did sound amazing and you were so tired, you had worked a miracle today, in cleaning the house and making a feast fit for a king and cleaning up after it too, although the cleaning up part was easy thanks to Noah’s help.

“Well, today was awesome, thank you for welcoming me into your home, it’s beautiful.” You praised as you leaned against the wall after closing the door behind you and leaning against it.

“It’s small and falling apart.” He admitted as he leaned against the wall across from you. Just taking in the vision of you in his hallway.

“But it has a thousand times the love inside it than there is any mansion. A house is just a house until you put people in it, then it’s a home. And because of who is in this home means this is one of the finest ones I’ve ever been in.” You praised as you bashfully ducked your head as Noah looked like he was about to eat you alive in a very carnal way as he pushed off the wall and took a step forward before your phone rang and it was Taylor.

“Hey, could you come get me? I’m ready to go and I’m so tired, I could fall over, please don’t make me walk back to your house.” You whined sarcastically as you couldn’t help but giggle a little and Noah reluctantly took a step back and knew that the door for him to prove to you just how much love was in his home, let alone himself, the door had closed as quickly as it opened and he missed his opportunity to prove it. All he could do is hope that it would open again the day after tomorrow. Maybe it was for the best, it would give him time to rest up and be fully energized. But he was determined. He was going to make you his one way or another before you left, if it was the last thing he would do and so begrudgingly he watched you leave as once again, the emptiness and hollow feeling crept back into him and he felt like warm light left the house once you did.

Hell he would find a way to build you whatever kind of house you wanted, with his own two hands if he had to.

“Why the fuck did you have me come get you when Noah is looking at you like a damn feast and he’s starving, I thought you wanted to raw him? What the fuck? Your opportunity to do that is behind you.” Taylor chastised you once you got in her minivan.

“It’s not the right time. Noah deserves better than a one night stand or even a two nighter.” You argued.

“Uh by my calculations it could have been a seven nighter if you got started tonight.” Taylor argued.

“And then what? Have the best week of my life and then just...what? Walk away? No. I’m too invested emotionally with Sakura to do anything like that. I feel like if I rush the intimacy with Noah, I’ll lose the prize of having Sakura in the long run and they both deserve more attention and effort and time. And Noah and especially Sakura are a prize worth waiting for, worth fighting for worth doing whatever I can to help them and worth doing right. I don’t want to hit it and quit it.” You explained.

“Look, I get it and that makes sense but I am telling you now, Noah looks like he’s about to hump that beam he’s leaning against and if you gave him half a chance I’m pretty sure he would have rocked the northern lights into your eyes tonight and every night from here on out, I know him, he’s not a hit and quit it person either and he’s as loyal as the summer days are long up here and when he does anything, he goes whole hog and he’s in it till the end, he’s a ride or die kind of guy. You said you were flexible and could go anywhere.” Taylor reminded you.

“...true. But again, I’ve only known him two days, would you drop everything and sell everything you own to move in with a stranger you’ve only known for two days?” You posed to her. “That’s putting a few carts ahead of the horse don’t you think?” You posed back to her.

“Well ok, get to know him a tiny bit more and then bang his lights out and we can figure the rest out later.” Taylor compromised.

“Ok, that’s a little more fair.” You laughed as she drove you back to her house where you promptly crashed.

#Jewel Of The North #Jewel Of The North Part 3 #modern orc love story #ice orcs #jewel orcs #orcs #modern orcs #@monstersandmaw #thank her for inventing this and sharing this with me #She's amazing #orc boyfriend #monster boyfriend #this is about to be a #monster bone

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judesstfrancis · 3 years

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so I was late to asking u things and I don't want u to have to repeat yourself so answer all the questions in the thing that you haven't already answered thank u 😌

the way I had to pull out my laptop to answer these bc I couldn’t keep them straight on my phone clipboard................ fdskjfsdkj I think I’m gonna put most of these under a read more so they don’t take up too much dash space. thank u!! <3

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

honestly I’m great! it is currently almost 2 in the morning but my day was nice, I got some new clothes, did my laundry, made a good dinner...good vibes all around, loving it for me rn

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of!

I haven’t really listened to a lot of new music lately dkfjskj I think the most recent new artist I started listening to was orville peck?? but that was back in like february

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home?

uhh when I’m at home. yes I’m a homebody <3

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home?

truly it’s with the thots I just feel so at ease

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

it’s just easy, u know? like no matter what we’re doing, even if we’re just vibing on our own together, it’s nice. I can tell them absolutely anything and it’s not weird and I don’t have to force it out at all

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off?

ok first I always see if any of my friends are busy fkdjsfkj and if they aren’t I see if they wanna just chill or w/e but otherwise just like. turning some music up and sitting in my room with a book/a couple movies I love is ideal for me on a day off. I am very simple I just like to chill

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

yes! there are two whole people in this world that I spill absolutely everything to bc I trust them with my life and esp when I’m sad bc they always make me feel better. talking to them when I’m having A Day is like I vent and instantly I am normal again. they know who they are I’m sure but for transparency’s sake, it’s u (robin) and maya, no one else gets to unlock my tragic backstories <3

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings?

relaxing evenings!

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything?

actually I am currently rewatching cycles 1 through 22 of america’s next top model, I’m on like cycle 5 rn I think. having the time of my life, thanks for asking

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

I am very much more into creative endeavors, like work-wise, but I feel like the way I think about things is much more analytical. like I prefer Making things, writing or various crafts or what have u, but even when I create I think about the things I’m doing like analytically?? so ig left-brained

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it?

boy with squirrel by john singleton copley. I love him

english red; what animal do you relate to most?

interesting question! I have no idea. maybe birds? like a finch, maybe. they seem like they have fun

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other?

this one is hard for me to answer bc like. I truly have no idea what a “type” is idk if that’s an ace thing or what. no? maybe? all the people I’ve had crushes on have been vastly different, in terms of like physical looks so probably not actually. I’m not attracted to muscular people tho bc I don’t think they have feelings <3

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like?

once again I have never pictured a date. I just want to hold hands! I think for the ideal first date question I said it just had to be going somewhere where we could Do things together, like walking around a museum or going through shops downtown or something, and that does still apply here, but for the sake of shaking it up, uhh...idk maybe staying in and watching a movie. like not at a theater no one needs to know my business like that but like. at a House. whoever’s, I’m not picky, again ideally I just want to hold hands.

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

yes. literally if the first thing u do is kiss me I am okay with it. I’m 23 someone just take the shot and kiss me already I’m going crazy over here

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

really looking forward to the holidays personally I got everyone some really good gifts this year and I can’t wait to hand them out. also my copy of 13 storeys is supposed to finally ship out this week, for real this time! so that’s exciting too

violet rose; what does your dream house look like?

u know that idealized house with the yellow paint and the white trim? yes. just small and cute and homey

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down?

I guess not?? I’d like to be somewhere near my mom bc she’s important to me but like. as long as I’m living with someone I love it doesn’t really matter where I don’t think

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

uh. settling down to me equates to like falling in love and living together so honestly that could happen any time. I need to get a job before we live together so I can like Help Out but like. really any time

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

I have not been to a lot of places! I’ve been to new york, and san diego, and like. phoenix outside of where I live so. actually if I can include like buildings in places I would like to say that one opera house I went to in new york. I learned I wasn’t a fan of operas BUT I also learned those chandeliers were cool as hell

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

I’m usually in a good mood, I think? my baseline mood is genuinely just like. happy/chill, pero I think the last time I felt Euphoria (tm) was a couple days ago when my mom and I made a really nice dinner together and my brother was there and we just played board games all night

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember?

I have this recurring habit of waking up from dreams but only barely so when I fall back asleep it feels like I just woke up within the dream? anyway the last one was like that but in one of the times I ‘woke up’ I looked out the window and instead of outside there was like this. static photo of buffalo grazing in open fields?? and it was like green screened kinda, so when I move the image moved with my line of sight it was weird. that’s how I knew it was a dream and woke myself up again, only to immediately fall back asleep and feel like I was waking up from a dream within a dream again

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each?

I think living with friends would be cool. like I want to have a significant other I live with but also if we lived with other friends that would be fun. kids, maybe! would be something I’d have to discuss with whatever partner I have in the future. if yes to kids, max two. also I don't want babies, preferably I would adopt older children. pets absolutely, however many doesn’t matter. I’m open to just living in a house with the love of my life and like twelve dogs, that’s ok with me

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could?

I do like my name! I think it’s nice and it feels like it fits me. I don’t think I’d change it ever, but if I did I think maybe I’d go with jude bc yes I do love to project <3

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent?

it’s a tie between suntan lotion and the lumber aisle of any hardware store

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

vanilla rooibos tea supremacy!

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

lots of flowers, first of all. also some kitchen herbs. maybe some fruits!

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

yes <3 I want to force people to listen to my pretentious horror opinions and get paid for it

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

look I just have to say it: I’m hot. last night I took a photo and saw my nose from the side and went “omg who IS she” like it’s cute. I’M cute. I’ve seen my ass in the mirror and nothing can top it, sorry

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

all I’m getting is those scenes from horror movies where eerie whistling starts and like birds start going crazy

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

I think so?? I’d like to be more financially secure, pero. I think for the most part yeah I’m alright

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

ireland and greece for sure, ireland is the one I have most planned out in my head. ig maybe england for the third one, just bc I know my mom wants to go and also I’m very bad at geography so I don’t know what counts as a country. I had to look all these up, I do want to visit them tho, genuinely! esp ireland

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

the one I’m most fluent in is spanish! and I’m still cracking along at russian, currently I can hold a conversation with like a 4 year old and we can understand each other, it’s pretty cool. I really wanna get into learning irish!! I have a few resources downloaded onto my phone I just haven’t gotten around to it yet

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book?

a little life <3 yes I hate it when things are sad just to be sad yes this is my favorite book I contain multitudes

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

the burbs! I’ve seen it so many times but it always hits

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

the day IS over it’s like two thirty am now but uh. drink some water before I sleep probably

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent?

I post the “kirby’s fucking pissed” meme on twitter and then I ask u (robin) if I can yell for like five minutes and then I feel valid and then I am normal again

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic?

it’s a little bit jock and it’s a little bit 1980s skater boy but the best way I can really Describe it is just “gay”

#had a lot of fun answering these personally thank u legend!#asks #a-company-of-heroes #robin

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alchemist-shizun · 4 years

Text

Love Simon AU - Christmas Special

Read on Ao3!

Merry Christmas to my lovely @softanxiouspatton!! This is my little gift for you, sadly I can't do much else, so I hope you can enjoy this thoroughly, love you 💜

Wtnv taglist: @softanxiouspatton @suffering-is-my-comfort-zone @pushussmollworld @mylifeisadeceit

Word Count: 1,829

Characters: Cecil, Carlos (and a little cameo 👀)

Pairing(s): Cecilos

Warning(s): This is just pure fluff for once

Summary: Simple snowy evening around town for two teens that only wanted hot chocolate and instead got each other flustered every five minutes. Oh, also they're waiting for Christmas to come, sure.

A/N: Please be aware that this is a spinoff from an AU I still have to write. The AU is going to be set in the Love, Simon universe and here Cecil is blind and Carlos is nonbinary (he goes by both masculine and neutral pronouns so if you see me abruptly changing them in the narration it's normal). Other than that this is very very simple and I just wanted to try to do something with this universe since I can't work on the bigger project yet, the events all take place after the ending. (Don't worry no spoilers)

✾

❝And the hair on my neck was rising

A feeling new and surprising

But it wasn't the sound that made my heart pound

No, it was because I found her hand is in mine❞

« Come on! »

« Are you sure this is a good idea? »

« Just trust me, Cecil. »

Carlos was leading his boyfriend by the hand, both of them covered from head to toe in the warmest clothes they owned. Puffs of air left their breaths as they spoke.

« Alright. » Cecil tightened the grip as Carlos notified him of any step or obstacle he had to be mindful of.

They got to the ice rink, placed momentarily in the middle of the town's plaza and paid to get a pair of skates each. After making sure they were tight enough, Carlos climbed onto the rink, ready to help the other up.

« There's a step. »

Cecil heaved a foot, but not high enough to place it on the ice. « Aw. »

« Are the skates too heavy? » Carlos teased.

« Maybe. » there was the hint of a grin on the other's lips.

« Hold on. »

As if it were the most usual thing to do, he gripped at the edge of the rink with one hand to steady himself, while he wrapped an arm around Cecil's waist to lift him up.

« Guess you're very strong. » was everything a particularly flustered boy could comment after being dragged dangerously close by his partner.

Carlos simply giggled.

There were many attempts from the scientist to make the other build confidence and not keep a hand on the rink.

« It's only ice, Cecil. » he repeated over and over. « It's solidified water. »

« I know that. Still unreliable. »

« It's like the ground, but the only difference is that it's ... slippery? »

« That was very scientific of you. »

« It was my latest discovery. » Carlos played along with a faked seriousness. « Will you now let me hold both of your hands? »

« Five more minutes, mom. »

When hopelessness washed over him, Carlos noticed something around them, something that had to do with water but not the ground. With the sky, on the other hand, it did. And it was raining down on them. He gasped as realization struck him.

He removed the other's glove from the hand he had been holding, ignoring the confused sentences. Then, he held Cecil's arm outward, as if he were trying to make him catch what was falling from above.

« Is ... Is it snowing? » a small smile ghosted over his lips.

« Can you feel the snowflakes? »

« Yeah. » the smile grew wider and he instinctively cupped his hands, forgetting about his fear of falling face-first on the ice.

Carlos found the scene endearing, his boyfriend looked determined to gather as much snow as he could, though it melted as soon as it reached his palms, little white spots turned into transparent drops in milliseconds.

« You're adorable. » he gave voice to his thoughts, taking this time both Cecil's hands and tugging forward while he skated backwards.

Cecil almost didn't even realize they were moving around the rink together. And they didn't fall once! Despite maybe one pretty dangerous moment.

They were walking around town again, hands never leaving each other, while looking for the nearest café to get some warm drink.

« Was it so bad? »

« It was terrible. » Cecil commented, then he leaned on the other. « I loved it. »

Carlos placed a kiss on top of his head before walking toward the coffee shop.

Once inside, they got to their seats and waited for their orders to arrive. The snow hadn't gotten any stronger, but was still not determined to stop.

The two were conversing as they had never done anything else in their lives, reaching the topic of the town's Christmas market around the centre.

« Oh, before I forget. » Carlos dug into their bag, taking out a pair of tickets and placing them on the table.

Cecil reached and felt two identical pieces of paper. « What are those for? »

His fingertips trailed over the surface of a ticket. He found braille.

« A science museum? »

« They're a gift. » Cecil looked confused. « It's very advanced and they have reproductions of exposed objects you can touch if you can't see. There are also art museums that are starting to do that, we can go there too if you'd like and if you don't then it's fine, I can- »

« Carlos. » a hand was placed on theirs. « You know I'd gladly listen to you go off about science for the rest of eternity. » his voice grew impossibly softer. « I'd go anywhere with you. »

Carlos didn't even have the chance to respond as another voice flew over them.

« That's about the gayest thing I've ever heard. »

Maureen herself was standing next to their table, a wide grin spread across her face, while Cecil hid behind his hands.

« And you're the one I've ever seen. Wouldn't you agree, Michelle? » loving, darling, sweet and genius Carlos to save the day.

That was an effective way of flustering both of them, whose faces were subtly heating up. Maureen tugged at the girl she was holding hands with, motioning for them to move away.

« Tell your dog I said hi! » Cecil called after her, amused, he did not need any kind of sight to know she didn't even turn to him.

« Whatever. » he heard afterwards, as the steps' sound grew quieter and more distant.

The only other interruption was the waiter placing the cups of hot chocolate in front of the two. After that, silence as they waited for the drink to cool down.

« Actually, » Cecil took a small USB out of his jacket's pocket. « I made something for you, too. » he held his hand out, flash drive right in front of the other's face.

Carlos lit up, despite having no clue of the contents of the USB. « You didn't have to. » they murmured fondly. The thought alone of the gift made him already giddy, maybe the halo of mystery it held was contributing too.

« It's nothing grand, really. » Cecil was looking down, his voice hesitating for a moment. « Remember I have that microphone on my room's desk? » the other nodded. « I used it to tell a story. I pretended I was talking to the citizens of an imaginary town, tried to narrate their lives. So I decided to put you into it too and make ... an original gift, I suppose? »

His partner was smiling so wide they weren't able to respond: Cecil was already about to continue, say that maybe it was kind of weird he had done that.

« This is the best thing I've ever heard! » Carlos encouraged instead. « I'm happy you put me in the story, really. Thank you, Cecil, I'm sure I'll love it. » they promised, reaching for his hand for the billionth time that day, as if Cecil weren't able to practically feel their loving gaze on him.

« I've always wanted to be a radio host cause my voice is one of the only things I'm mostly sure of. » he explained, his eyes falling back to the surface of the table, as a tired flower would bow its head under the weight of the rain.

He felt his hand being held tighter, a suggestion for him to continue.

« So, uncertain of what surrounded me, I made up universes in my mind where the weirdest events made sense. » it was like he was keeping something in his thoughts, something he had wanted to let out for the longest time but hadn't been able to. Deprived of the right time and chance.

« But, » he began, looking oddly right into Carlos's eyes. « But now, thanks to you, I think I can be sure of the outside world too. »

Saying that they melted on the spot was an understatement. Saying that their brain had malfunctioned and short-circuited was part of the truth.

If they could just lean in ... if they could just lean in and place a hundred, a thousand and then another hundred kisses over the boy's face.

« I can't say anything else except I'm honored to be in your life. » so what Carlos did, instead of all that, was pull one of Cecil's hands and place a quick but gentle kiss on top of it. « And you have no idea how grateful I am for you. »

After a couple more of "stop, you will make me cry, I have a reputation", they made it out and back into the centre of town, Christmas lights hanging from all possible locations and houses around them. The quantity would have been enough to shut all the town's electricity at once.

They simply walked around, admired places and wished to buy all the candy they could find without having the possibility to do it.

Reminiscing was mostly what they did, though. Even without telling each other, a place, a sound, a simple memory connected to a song. But when the ferris wheel came into Carlos's sight, words had to be definitely brought up.

They just stood there, without unlinking their arms.

« Hey, look, » they said, pointing upwards at the big lit-up construction moving slowly under the night sky.

« Yeah sure, I can see your point. » Cecil retorted in that tone that sounded obviously sarcastic but also not quite.

Damned slang and the English language.

« Gosh, sorry, I was distracted- »

« By the blinding lights? »

« Cecil, please- » they couldn't contain their laughter any longer.

« Oh, you're amused now, I see. »

« No, you don't. »

Even louder laughter spread out in the semi-quiet road they were walking on.

« I just saw the ferris wheel. »

« Oh. »

« The same blue and white lights. I can barely distinguish people from the cabins from down here. » they focused on the structure, while their senses ignored Cecil shifting and placing himself in front of them.

His hands traveled up to their shoulders until they reached their cheeks. Carlos didn't really mind as they kept talking, it happened that Cecil did that out of the blue, sometimes there was no reason at all.

Despite that, this time, there was.

Cecil surged up slowly, placing a soft kiss on their lips while Carlos's words faded away. He then hugged them as tight as his strength permitted.

« I love you. » he whispered, burying his face in their chest.

« That's one of the only two things I know. » Carlos was quick to return the embrace, bathing in the essence of the moment. « I love you too. »

#cecilos #cecil palmer #wtnv carlos #carlos the scientist #wtnv #welcome to night vale #fanfiction #wtnv maureen #wtnv michelle #purp's writings

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dramabus2-blog · 5 years

Text

How My Partner & I Make It Work As Total Financial Opposites

It seems like every time a lifestyle publication has a headline that reads “top 10 signs you’re headed for divorce,” we’re only reading about the negative ways having a different approach to finances impacts relationships. There are rarely any blog posts or advice columns focusing on the couples that make it work even when they are on opposite ends of the money spectrum. While it is true that money is a huge part of any relationship and can often be a sour subject for couples, it is possible to work through your different philosophies on money on finances and come out on the other side unscathed and stronger as a team. Here’s how my husband and I do just that:

1. We have separate and joint accounts

This isn’t earth-shattering advice, but it is an easy way to combine a lot of our financials while still maintaining our own autonomy over money. My husband and I did not have a combined account until we had been married for a year. When living together while dating, I had all of our combined bills — power, water, Internet, etc. — auto-drafted out of my checking account. Every month, he would give me cash for exactly half of our combined living expenses. We were each responsible for our own individual expenses, such as my student loans.

To this day, that is still how all of our bills are paid. We decided to open a joint money market account at his bank after we were married in order for us to contribute to shared savings, and it was the start of our emergency fund. Since then, we’ve grown our savings and combined expenses where we could, such as adding me to his car insurance and dropping mine. My husband and I both have separate checking accounts and credit cards, and as long as the bills are paid and we are contributing to our savings, we mostly don’t care how the other spends their money. Charlie is the guy who wants to splurge and build out a home theater with a projector and screen and surround sound, while I am an impulsive shopper and can walk into Target needing one thing but leave with 12 things I could definitely live without. It doesn’t matter that he thinks Target is a money trap, and I would be perfectly fine with a plain old TV — we know that we won’t face criticism or judgment when we come home with those purchases. Our only real requirement over individual accounts is that our credit cards are paid off in full each month, and that neither one of us is feeling financially strapped. We are able to acknowledge if one month we went overboard and are open to insights on how to reign it in without it leading to an argument.

2. We regularly check in with each other over any concerns and make big financial decisions together

When we first got married, Charlie would get defensive if I criticized some of his spending, and would accuse me of trying to infantilize him. The phrase “I feel like you are making me ask for permission” was very common the first year or two of marriage. After saying “I do,” it suddenly became “our” money, not just my mine and his. While we had maintained separate accounts, It felt like “our” money being used to buy a $700 motorcycle helmet, and I felt like he wasn’t helping out enough with “our” day-to-day purchases, such as groceries or pet food. I started thinking about how I was the one spending my money on his food, toilet paper, and vet bills, while he wanted to spend his money on things that only interested him and acted put out when I would ask him to pay at the grocery store.

We were, at times, very critical of each other, and I often became resentful if I felt like I was spending more money on necessities for us both while he only seemed to care about what he wanted. However, after taking a step back and trying to see things from his point of view and asking him to see them from mine, we began actively making an effort to keep communication open and remain calm. With that, we were able to come to some basic agreements on certain aspects of our financial lives. After two large purchases he made that I felt were completely unjustified, we made it a rule to discuss any purchase that would be over $500 — even if it was coming out of our own individual checking accounts.

I know that, since coming to that agreement, I have helped him realize that just because he wants something doesn’t necessarily mean he should get it at that time. On the other hand, he has helped me learn to loosen up a little bit, enjoy life as it comes, and quit keeping score. These days, when there is a large purchase being discussed that we don’t see eye-to-eye on, we have multiple discussions in an attempt to reach a fair compromise. Most recently, my husband has become obsessed with a very specific car with a $36k price tag. His only justification to me for why he should be able to get it is “because I want it!” Which is not a good enough reason for me. We’ve had multiple conversations about this car, and I finally came to see that I could lay out 100 reasons we shouldn’t get it — all he would say is how much he wanted it. We finally came to an agreement that when my car and student loans are paid off in the about years, he can make that splurge. I asked him to stick with the car he has now so that we don’t take on any more unnecessary debt, and that the day my car is paid off, he can walk into a dealership and get his dream car. It gives him something to work towards, and he has two years to save money or help make extra payments to existing debt in order to pay it off sooner. Neither one of us feels cheated or angry; instead, we have made a firm decision that makes us both happy.

3. He reminds me constantly how lucky we are to be where we are financially

In a roles-reversed situation, I desperately want to move out of the house we are renting and into a place with all the modern luxuries and potentially a shorter commute. I don’t care if we end up living somewhere outrageously priced. I just want out. The catch is, we are renting from a family member and have an extremely low rent. We live in a quickly growing area and it is not uncommon for studio or 1 BR apartments to cost $1,000+ a month. We pay $600/month for a 1,600 square foot house on 5 acres of land. Deep down, I am able to be logical and realize it would be nothing but regrets if we didn’t ride it out until his family decides to sell.

However, I am guilty of wanting to keep up with the Joneses and tend to focus on what’s wrong with our house instead of how lucky we are. The house was built in 1955, and while it has “good bones,” the walls are made of plaster and are starting to crack, and the windows are creaky and do nothing to help with energy costs. The bathroom has no ventilation, so I am constantly fighting mold buildup, and there is so much wood paneling on the walls and ugly carpet covering hardwood floors. In the era of Pinterest, I can’t help but want to live somewhere nicer, and I cannot stress this enough…more energy efficient. My husband constantly reminds me that before we moved into our current rental, we struggled to pay our bills and still have a semblance of a life. We moved into this house about three months after we got married, and the relief was almost instantaneous. In the five years we’ve been renting from his family, we have saved a significant amount of money that we never would have dreamed of otherwise. We were able to get out of the cycle of living check to check and we are able to indulge in things like a vacation once a year and dinner out once a week without stress.

So yes, while I’m dreaming of fancy kitchens and bigger bathrooms, my husband is there to gently remind me that what we have is perfect and not everyone is as lucky as we are and that usually brings me back down to earth.

And finally…

4. I am his reminder that we have long term goals to work for when he wants to indulge his FOMO/YOLO tendencies

My husband turns 36 this year, and before March of 2019, he had zero to show in terms of a retirement fund. While he’s never worked anywhere that offered a 401k, I’ve been begging him to open an IRA at our bank for years. I use the same old cliche everyone does: You’re just losing out on all that compound interest! Or you need to have a million dollars in an account by the time you retire! While I am very lucky to work for a company that offers a 401K and matches a percentage of my contributions, I didn’t really understand that value until I started getting closer to 30.

However, my husband likes to say that he’s never going to retire, so he should be able to spend his money now on what he wants. That is where I come in to remind him that there are many reasons for needing that “safety net” as we age, such as rising healthcare costs, potential for injuries or illnesses rendering him unable to work, and the ability to afford a reputable and safe nursing home when that time comes. We don’t plan on having kids, so we have to make sure we won’t have any financial strain as we age. He also stubbornly resisted life insurance policies for each of us, and if I didn’t make doctor appointments to check out any ailments and keep him healthy, he would never seek medical attention for anything.

Generally, he prefers to live in the moment and not stress about all of the boring and tedious parts of life. I am able to help him see that we don’t have to stop living in the moment completely in order to be prepared for the future financially — we just have to be smarter about our expenses and paying down debt while also being able to save. My husband likes to tell me that I stress too much over everything, and I tell him he doesn’t stress at all over anything. Once we were able to put our egos and pride to the side and effectively communicate with 100% transparency, we have found ways to let our differences with money help us grow as a couple.

Liana is a 30-year-old nurse living in North Carolina with her husband, their dog, and their cat. She is hustling hard to pay off her student loans early and start saving to buy a house. She also has an unrealistic dream to one day have a dog rescue, with the sole purpose of being surrounded by a ton of dogs all the time.

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Source: https://thefinancialdiet.com/how-my-partner-i-make-it-work-as-total-financial-opposites/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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daddyconfessions · 5 years

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daddy’s journal: 2/26/16

previous entries: daddy’s journal: 2/17 daddy’s journal: 2/10

Tuesday Feb 16th “You’re a very handsome man,” June was telling me. “Your wife is lucky.”

I love this nail salon. They have some of the most beautiful Asian chicks I’ve seen. I swear they must have a prerequisite for being attractive to work there. They all have simple names like Mary, Janet, Stacy & June. June’s been flirting with me for the last 20 minutes. Mary, the owner, walked over and said, “I love your car. I can’t believe your wife let you buy a car like that.” I chuckled and we spent the next few minutes cracking jokes about it.

A few hours earlier I was with Firecracker. I didn’t get to see her for Valentine’s Day. I had wanted to take her to get a mani/pedi, as well as some shopping but she had other plans with her friends and fuckboy. When she walked in to the room I had 2 dozen roses lying on the bed. She jumped on the bed and picked them up, smelling them. Happy af. Told me her boyfriend hadn’t bought anything. Didn’t even show up for their date, blah blah. I tuned her out. I was just happy that she was happy. Nothing like making my Princess smile.

I hate giving gifts after the fact but I couldn’t get the roses before or on V-Day because I didn’t see her. I couldn’t send them to her because, like most of my SBs, I’m not allowed to know where she lives.

She told me she had cleared her afternoon in the hopes that I could deliver on all the spoiling I wanted to do. I decided to manipulate the situation to my benefit. First, I told her I couldn’t get off and that I was busy at work. Next I told her she could accompany me out of town and we could do all the shopping she wanted. I’d been wanting her to go out of town with me for awhile but she’d been too busy. We’ve been out of town before and I was ready for another trip. With the new boyfriend, school, etc., she simply wasn’t making the the time, though she gave other excuses. So again she said she was too busy for the trip and probably couldn’t go. But I could see the temptation in her eyes. So I left it right there.

The sex was good that day.

I had plans to meet Muffin for the first time the next night. So I wanted to be looking good. After leaving the hotel with Firecracker, I’d swung by the mall to re-up on some D&G cologne. Kind of old but goes good with my body chemistry. Then on to the nail shop.

“You have such beautiful skin,” June tells me when she finishes. “I love your how do you say com, com, com…” She frowned. “Complexion?” I offered. “Yes, yes that’s it.” I smiled and pulled out my wallet. All this ass kissing was had me wanting to tip. I paid out and dropped some extra $$ for June’s tip. “Oh, “ she smiled and clasped her hands in front of her. “Thank you so much.”

A few hours later, my barber had finished my haircut and was lining up my goatee. I was officially ready for the trip out of town. Unfortunately, an hour later I was on the phone with Muffin. She had changed her mind. At first, it sounded like she wanted more money but things were more complicated as I would later realize. In my openness with her, I realized I had talked too much. I had been too transparent. Babygirl wanted more than to just be another chick. She wanted to know that what she was building with me was worth her time and effort, and potentially I might be replacing her current SD. I just couldn’t give her that at the moment. I didn’t have it to give.

So Muffin ended it. Too many bitches.

Wednesday Feb. 17th

The sugar gods must be looking out for me. It was a good thing I didn’t go out of town Wednesday. The day turned out to be crazy. All the fucking off at work had caught up to me. Even my personal clients I take care of were blowing up my phone. I spent the day catching up, and then ducked out early to make my rounds to my clients. Yes, I have job, but I also do some consulting on the side. It’s quite lucrative and I’m hoping to become a full time consultant working for myself.

As it were one of the ladies at my client’s site pulled me to the side and told me that her cousin worked for a prominent local museum and they needed some consulting. I gave her my number and later that evening, her cousin called me and we spent 30 minutes discussing me doing some work for them. She also requested a quote.

This wasn’t going to be some high dollar deal, but this wasn’t about money. This could put me on the map, giving my business the notoriety and prestige I needed to launch. There’s always a certain prestige to servicing non-profits. I’m hopeful but I won’t get my hopes up.

By that night I was dog tired. Too tired to even post my journal entry. But not too tired to talk to Bubbles. :) She hit me late as I was about to go to bed. With all the excitement around Muffin, I’d forgotten about her. We were supposed to hook up on Thursday. We exchanged a few texts and the date was set.

Thursday Feb 18th

But the next afternoon, she wasn’t feeling it. Neither was I really. We wanted to see each other but having dinner beforehand was out of the question. Instead, we settled on just getting a room. She was worried about not wearing makeup but I was cool with it. I told her we could cancel but she wanted to see me. She just didn’t want to get all dolled up.

When she showed up at the room I couldn’t believe it. She was still beautiful, though not the glamour goddess I saw last time, but close enough. The energy between us is amazing. We immediately started kissing and undressing each other. I went down immediately and started licking that pretty pink muff. She likes it when I suck the clit while simultaneously thrashing it with my tongue. She must have cum in less than a minute. After the second orgasm, she was sitting up on her elbows looking down at me biting her lip. She grabbed the top of my head as I relentlessly licked that clit like there was no tomorrow. “Fuck!” she yelled. “You eat pussy better than my roommate…”

She was so loud I’m pretty sure the neighbors heard her. I made a mental note to circle back to that “roommate” comment. I kept on licking that kitty until she could take it no more. She pushed my head away and pulled me up so that I could be on top of her. We kissed. Well, she licked my face and sucked my tongue. I swear she’s fascinated with tasting her own pussy. I’m just the middleman. She tells me to lie down and takes her turn on me. Her allergies had been bothering her which is why she hadn’t wanted to go out and get all dolled up. Trying to give me fellatio wasn’t all that easy either. She stopped after a moment. I knew her allergies were killing her. It’s that time of year.

We switched to missionary and once again I slid into some of the tightest kitty I’ve had in years. This time was different. I could barely get him in this time. It took a few moments before I could get at least partially inside her. Then I went slow and steady, trying to open that muff up. Babygirl was getting mad. Not at me, but more so because she couldn’t enjoy me more. It was cool. Her attitude and willingness to please is like an aphrodisiac to me. After a few minutes, she asked if I could finish in her mouth. God I love the way she asks that. Like she’s doubtful if I want to.

We switch again and she spent the next several minutes sharing her knowledge. She stopped a few times because of the allergies but like a true trooper she marched on. When I came, I sounded the alarm and Bubbles kept on. I swear she started sucking harder as I came, extracting every drop of the ivory cream. She locked eyes with me and kept sucking until there was nothing left. When I was done she rose up and smiled. I thought she was going to go to the bathroom but she did no such thing. She licked her lips and then went back to Bartholomew and licked the head just in case there was any dribble.

I like Bubbles. I’ve been trying to get her off this per meet bullshit. Get her on a real allowance. Get her to commit to something. But she has friends. Strippers, current sugar babies, etc. These are some real bitches. These girls aren’t sitting around reading Tumblr blogs all day. Chicks with names like Diamond and Piper…Pushing 6-series and E-class whips. Condos downtown. 30th floor overlooking the city. And worst … they’re advising Bubbles. I got my work cut out for me. Might have to cop the Celine bag. But this game isn’t won by money alone. I need to run game. Put on the charm….Cultivate the relationship. My works cut out for me.

As we get dressed, I circle back to her comment. I ask about the roommate. She tells me her roommate’s a girl and “…occasionally we play.”

“Hey come on,” Bubbles smiled. “You should know I’m not fucking another guys. As tight as my pussy is.”

Friday Feb 19th

Friday, I get a text from Ms. Butterworth. She’s just saying hi. Asking me how I’ve been, etc., but it’s all code for “When can we hook up?” I’m not interested in Ms. B anymore. We did hook up after my last post on her. She’d gained weight…hair wasn’t quite together. I think she was just having a bad day but the on-again, off-again communication had taken its toll. I sent back a few low interest responses. I was meeting with Firecracker again, so I was distracted.

Looks like my plan might have worked. As Firecracker and I got dressed after sex, she said, “Hey I think I can juggle a few classes if you still want to go out of town.” I smiled and say, “ Oh really? You sure? I mean I know you’re busy.” Blah blah. I hated to resort to devious tactics, but I wanted to spend time with princess and she’s letting other things get in the way.

“No, I’m good,” she smiles as she pulls up her jeans. “We can work something out. I can do 2 days so you can take me to that mall you were telling me about.”

Thought she’d see things my way. Still we didn’t set a concrete date on when it would happen. I’m pessimistic.

Saturday Feb 20th

As the weekend begins, I get busy again. The wife and I are closing one of our locations for our business. I hadn’t blogged about it but we’ve been in the middle of lease negotiations. We lost on our last bid and as the month ends, we’ve been cleaning and clearing out. All day Saturday, I moved. By Saturday night, my body was aching. I had used muscles I hadn’t used in a long time. As I sat in my recliner, feet up, I got a text from Kim, the stripper. Hadn’t heard from her all week. She wants me to come see her at the new club she’s working at. I’m too tired to go. Not sleepy, but my body is not feeling it. Then Kim sends me a pic of her before she goes out and dances for her next set

Now I feel like going :)

But I can’t get out. Wifey isn’t having that shit. She’s like “Nigga where you going? Thought you were tired?” I didn’t have anything good comeback other than the thought of Kim’s pic in my head. No way I’m getting out on a Saturday at 11:30pm.

Fuck it. I tell Kim I’ll hook up with her next week.

#daddy's journal #sugar tales

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honeyboba93 · 7 years

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Rumination

It’s been a while since I last posted. In fact I don’t think I can remember the last time I did or what I wrote about without looking back on my profile. Either way, both a lot and nothing has happened since then.

If I didn’t mention it in my past post (which now that I think about it, was probably about this specifically), Sam* (still not his real name, just FYI) and I moved in together with two of his, and by extension my, friends. We are still living in the same town-home that we rented back then; we moved in in April of last year right after Sam and I got back from our road trip across the southern part of the USA from Virginia to California and back. The trip was great, but really expensive. Right after we moved into the new place, I got a new job at the local grocery store, which was willing to pay me more and was only 5 minutes away verses 40-45 minutes away through terrible traffic. I still work there and also have a second job now working for a professional pet services company (pet sitting and dog walking essentially). Sam started working at the same grocery store shortly after I did, but just a month or two ago, started working for a carpet cleaning company, which pays well, but he doesn’t really like so much because he is constantly tired when he comes home from work (it’s a very physical job). I have been applying to a lot of jobs and I’ve gotten a couple of interviews, but I haven’t had any luck in actually getting any of them, either because I didn’t like the sound them as much as I thought I would or because they simply did not contact me again after the interview, even though I called two times...

We also had to kick out one of our roommates because after loosing his job, finding a new one and then deciding to quit that one before finding a new one again, was not working for months. We had to pay his portion of his rent, which we could not keep doing of course, so we told him that he had to get some sort of job, any sort of job, even if it was at McDonald's or Wendy’s or something as long as he was earning something. He wasn’t even keeping the house clean while he had about 4 months of time off from work and instead just slept and played video games all day. The last straw came when, one, we actually could not longer pay for him to live here without any sort of monetary input, and two, when we found out that, unlike he had been letting us believe, he had not been paying his portion of the utilities. Of course, because we did not know that he had trouble with money, we had no issue with putting the accounts all under his name, since he was really the one to find the place anyway. We had been giving him our portion of the utilities to him since all of the money for them had been being taken straight from his bank account, but little did we know that he was only paying what we had put in, which was about $70 short each time (that was about what we pay each for each month for gas, electric, and internet). We actually only found out about the gas bill first when a representative of the company almost busted down our door one day trying to get a payment out of us. About a week later is when we found out that that was not the only one that was not being paid. Needless to say, we had a few hundred dollars worth of overage charges and late fees, all of which could have been avoided had he been transparent about all of is, and also all of which he could not pay. He owes us all collectively a couple of thousand dollars, but so far that I have heard, he is talking about getting another place with another friend of his that wants to move down here from Michigan. He has yet to mention anything about paying us back. He does have another job now and is currently living with his parents again, which I assume are not making him pay rent, but also are probably not paying for his food or anything, but food isn’t that expensive. One of our other friends moved in to replace him. Our new roommate is much more responsible with money; I know this because he wanted to finish paying off his car before he moved out of his parents house.

I however am not doing very good in the money department. I barely make enough money to pay for rent and utilities plus food and all of the credit card payments I have to make as well as my car payments and insurance payments. Most of the credit card debt has just been the result of the remnants of the hole that I was forced to dig myself into after my job at the spa screwed me out of hours and I no longer was earning enough to live off of. That debt has just compounded into more debt and because I have that debt and even more things that I have to pay for (like lowlife, lying, mooching roommates who own me personally over $300, not to mention things like my car getting towed for no reason, random new tires because of stupid pot holes, and new phone screens because it fell off of a counter once even though no one was standing near it and it wasn’t even close to the edge...) and I just feel like I can’t seem to climb out of this pit that has formed without some sort of rope that has to be thrown in by someone else. The only issue is, there isn’t really anyone that can throw a rope down to me because it would either have to be Sam who, even though earns a lot more now, really can’t support the both of us (as it is he already pays for a lot of stuff that I can’t pay for), or it would have to be my parents, which would mean me moving back in with them. I wouldn’t mind moving back in with them really, except for the whole fact that I am living with my boyfriend who would not want to move in with my parents, partially because we would be living with my parents (not really an abnormal opinion) and partially because my parents live out in the middle of nowhere that is an hour away, at least, from any of his friends. This would mean not living with him anymore, most likely, and that would, I can only assume, somewhat ruin our relationship. I also would have to move away from the friends I have finally made with some girls who all live in this same neighborhood, which is literally the best thing that has happened to me in years. This, however, brings me to what I was thinking about when I decided to write this lengthy post that is extremely ramble-y (I’ve been drinking a bit of alcohol, so excuse me a smidgen). I’m not sure that I care about ruining our relationship as much as one would expect a person to in this situation.

I’m not saying, of course, that I want to go through that ordeal. I’m not saying that I would rather move back in with my parents, because otherwise I would have already, but I have conflicting feelings. I probably feel good about our relationship about half the time, and the other half, I think that it would make more sense for me to just end it and move back in with my parents. Another part of me feels like I care more about loosing the friendships that I have now than I do about loosing Sam if I move back with my parents. I am feeling all of this however with the nagging thought in the back of my mind that just says that anything negative that I am feeling, any doubts that I am having about anything, is simply because I actually have depression and that I should go to the doctor and get treated for it. I am obviously not a doctor and a doctor has not diagnosed me in anyway with depression, but it runs in my family and I genuinely have times (like just before I decided to write this post) where I will be doing something totally normal, like watching a funny show (just as I was before this), but then I stop for a few moments to, go make tea, or food, or even just to go to the bathroom sometimes, and suddenly I feel overwhelmingly upset; so much so that I often will start crying if there is no one else around (if there is another person I just try to swallow the lump that forms in my throat and act natural until they leave or I can leave). There are times that this will happen suddenly and then disappear again just as suddenly. Usually, I have to distract myself with something, like a show or food or sleep, because I will just continue to roll the thoughts around in my head until they turn into even darker, more depressing thoughts that just end up making me spiral into a possible panic attack which I can only escape from if I sleep, and by sleep, I mean, sleep for a whole day if I can get away with it. I would sleep for longer sometimes if I didn’t have a job to go to and other human beings that I had to interact with while at home or food that I had to eat or if I didn’t have to drink water or use the restroom. Sometimes, like now, I can slightly numb the panicky anxiety that comes with the depressive thoughts if I drink alcohol. It doesn’t always work, but usually it does; the only thing with that though, is that if anyone else is around to witness me “drinking alone” essentially, I get too paranoid about what they will think of me and then I can’t drink; you can see the pattern here. I just don’t know how to process my thoughts because I don’t know if I can trust them; I don’t know that my thoughts and feelings aren’t coming from some illogical place in my head that really has no say in what I should be feeling or thinking about my relationship with Sam.

I end up over thinking things too much and I think it is keeping me from being happy. There really is no particular reason why I should not be mostly happy about the place I am in in life, except for my debt and money issues, everything else is just fine. But maybe that’s what it is, maybe “just fine” is not enough. Sometimes I feel like I am not even seen by Sam. Sometimes I feel like life for me really wouldn’t be any different if I were to live with my parents without him. I wouldn’t really do anything different. We barely ever go out and do anything, we barely even hang out at home, he just sits and plays his games whenever he isn’t working and then I’m just left to sit on the computer all day or to sleep, unless one of my friends happens to have the same time off work as I do and we can do something together, but that rarely happens too.

I know what you are probably all thinking, “Well, have you talked to him about this?” and the answer is no, I have not talked to him about it. I know, one of the biggest things in a relationship is communication, but I don’t want to scare him either. If it really is just my depression talking, then I will have worried him for nothing, but if it isn’t, then if I don’t talk to him about it, it might just get worse.... I honestly can’t find an appropriate time to talk to him about it anyway. Like I said, he normally sits and plays his games all day when he isn’t working or sleeping, which is often downstairs in the common area of the house, which also means that one of our roommates could walk in on our conversation that will probably include a lot of crying from me. This is besides the fact that when I am feeling the way I am now about the whole thing is usually when he isn’t around or when I can’t actually talk to him about it; I usually don’t feel that way when I am around him, which makes me forget to bring it up. It does hurt to think about leaving him or him leaving me, it even hurts just to think about talking to him about the doubts that I am having, but I genuinely am not sure if that is because I do actually love him or because I just don’t want to be lonely.

I could probably write more, but I have gone on long enough as it is (as I said, I have been drinking and when I start drinking I have to have an outlet of some kind for my thought vomit, plus there was a lot to catch up on). I am also starting to get really groggy from the time that it is, how long I have been awake for, and the alcohol. If you did have to patience to read through this whole thing, I thank you and applaud you; I wouldn’t expect most, or really any, people to do so. After writing all this, I feel like I might have a bit more confidence in talking to Sam about everything, so if I do talk to him, I will update with probably another excessively long post.

#life #love #relationships #money #roommates

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basshouse · 5 years

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Bring on the FAQs

I know you have questions! Oh, ok, I’ll honor the era of the fact check (be the change you want to see int he world, after all!): I think you have questions and I know I want to use questions as a framework for telling you more about my life. On board?? In case your answer is “no” and you choose not to click “keep reading” below, here’s the obligatory picture right up front:

That’s me in San Jose a couple days ago. Yes, I have a “bum bag” (super apologies to everyone I ever mocked for a fanny pack, a sweatpant, or a mini van, and a reminder to us all that it’s ridiculous to judge people for the things they decide enhance their quality of life...are heavily starched jeans in my future? who can say?). Also, yes I am on the North American continent. Sadly not with enough time or planning to be able to connect with many people, plus it’s a work trip and I’m freezing by balls off. More on that later (the work part, not my balls). Let’s get to the Q&A!

A bit of a heads up: a lot of these are combo questions, I grouped them by flavor to make things more compact... you bunch are good at asking the same question multiple ways.

1. Do you miss home/Seattle/the States? What do you miss the most?

Alright, I’m going to leave out the obvious friends, family and a certain tiny dog, because...duh. Do you really need the validation? You know I miss you. As for P-dog, he was IN A WEDDING. IN A BOWTIE. So suffice it to say that while I still get sad when I get in bed at night and he’s not curling up at my feet, his new family is showing their commitment to him in a whole new and completely adorable way.

I do not actively miss living in Seattle or the States. I haven't been homesick. and to be clear, Seattle is an amazing place and our lives there were full of amazing people and things. It’s just that I am enjoying being somewhere else and doing new things (and many of the old things in a new location). I can love Seattle (and you!) and love somewhere else at the same time, how amazing is that? One good thing about being faced with losing my job and visa was that I had to ask and answer the question of whether it was best to just “go home” -- and it was clear for both me and Jason that we did not want to leave Christchurch yet. No, we did NOT ask the kids this time :-).

I DO miss some things about living in Seattle, and if you know me you won't be surprised to hear they are largely food related...La Palma. Pickles. Gardenburgers. Caesar salads that don’t have a poached egg on top. The ability to fulfill a special order (say, make a Caesar salad without an egg on top). Jale-frickin’-penos! It’s not to say that NZ doesn't have good food; overall the quality of the food is high and it’s nice that all the coffee shops serve real food. Also, you almost never have table service, which threw me off at first, but now I really appreciate being in control of when I order and when I pay my bill. A non-tip economy has its perks for sure, including less math at the dinner table! But there are some foods for each of us that fulfill a craving, are a go-to, and when you can’t get them, even a close approximation or a really good option just won’t do. This problemhas inspired me to learn how to cook new things, at least. Haven’t nailed the gardenburger yet.

Also, I miss yoga. A LOT. Props to Core Power, Shefa, Haute, and Maven for being awesome places to practice a powerful flow in the heat with music. Thanks to all of you who taught me and those that let me teach you. Christchurch has more bars and restaurants and interesting places than we expected, but this style of yoga just isn't there as far as I can tell. So hit me up if you're interested in investing in a probably-not-very-profitable business in NZ once I have a visa that lets me own a business, and you can weigh in on whether “Surfing Donkey Yoga” (Jason’s nomination) is on brand or not. I have an opinion but no harm in workshopping it.

2. Wait, you said in an earlier blog you don't overwork (or sometimes even work at all when you should be)...what do you do/are you going crazy/how do you handle it/are you really you?!?!?

This is an honest question I have gotten in phone conversations, and since I assume you know me and my, um, rather industrious ways, you may have it too. I mean, it’s not a secret that when I lived in Seattle I worked A LOT, and stressed over work A LOT, and talked about work A LOT, and did work-y things outside of work, and worked at home and on the weekends FAR TOO MUCH. And for background: in New Zealand I have had a much better work life balance. And at the end of my time at SLI there were many many hours that I went to work but did not really have work to do. So while I have done what I needed to do, and contributed to the business, and used my skills, working and being at work has NOT defined my life here, even in the slightest, which it did in Seattle. That pains me a little, because I also did lots of of things besides work in Seattle, and I never valued being a person who was stressed about work all the time (at least, I did not value that for other people or in principal, though I did build up some kind of addiction or compulsion based on an anxiety about not working). Can I attribute being ok with more balance to a “less demanding” job? In part that would be fair, but after giving it some thought I also must attribute it to both breaking the chain of bad habits and the general difference in culture, For, as far as I can tell, in New Zealand, it is not common to work outside hours or on vacation; people value value and respect family time; and there's a much more subtle and prevalent difference that's hard to explain about the feeling that everything really is going to be ok if you don't struggle to get it all done in record time -- there’s an undercurrent of pressure that does not exist, at least not for me, and I think it’s a Kiwi thing. An informal poll and some observational data (e.g. one boss told me when I sent an email on a sick day not to do it again, no laptop, employment contract stating a 37 hour work week) backs it up.

So what do I do and am I still me and not going crazy? Well, I’ll tell you and yes and no to those questions. Let’s be clear that I still work 37-40 hours a week which is plenty so don't get too exited, but here’s a wee list of some of the things I’ve been doing with “all this time.” Sadly not enough yoga :-(

I write a blog! You're welcome.

Cook, surf, hike, bike, gym, listen to records...I think you knew that already. Same shit, different continent.

Burlesquercize! Yes, it’s what it sounds like -- a sluttier version of Jazzercise. My friend Tas and I also did a 6 week burlesque course that culminated in an actual performance. On stage. In. Front. Of. Real. People. Body positive, pro-female and anti-agist? You betcha. Terrifying? Kind of. Entertaining? I hope so. And no, we did not take our clothes off (that would have moved the answer to “terrifying?” waaaaay up).

Tennis lessons! Finally fulfilling a desire to learn and play tennis that I have had my entire adult life, I joined an adult beginner group lesson at the tiny Opawa Tennis Club. Really, in American terms, this should be “club” -- because like the lawn bowling club and croquet club near my house, this is the kind of club that where pay $100 bucks to get a key so you have access to equipment and courts when you need them, and there are organized games and lessons a few hours a week. Plus a water fountain. Croquet might be my next project, as I am still as shockingly bad at tennis as I was in junior high when I got moved from the 8th grade beginner team down to the elementary school group at a “real tennis club.” But learning tennis is fun, and I have met some great people, and hey, it’s summer in December so why not?

I grew tomatoes. It didn’t take that much time, so I could still do tennis and burlesque, thank god.

I make pickles like twice a month. In NZ, pickles are almost exclusively sweet gherkins. Most of you are probably like “making pickles is super easy, der.” You're right. I don’t know why I ever paid for them...oh except they were pretty cheap and super convenient to buy pretty much anywhere. It’s remarkable how scarcity, a bit of dill and a head of garlic can drive such commitment to a new activity. Now if I only had a goddamn Gardenburger to eat with my pickle slices!

On a career path note, I became a volunteer city coordinator for Product School meetups and am working to get that off the ground. I am mulling over ideas about generating and delivering content and education in the product management space...there may be a great opportunity to leverage my skill set and breadth of professional experience in NZ and I’m doing some activities that will help me network and consider the possibilities.

I have read more books since we moved than I think I read in the last 10 years. I do miss the New Yorker, I think I could finally be crushing the cover to cover in a week challenge. If you haven't read This is Where I Leave You, you should.

TV: In the interest of transparency...I don't just read and write and exercise, and as much as I’d like to present as that virtuous, I can’t lie to you, even by omission. If you have not seen the Amazon TV show Red Oaks, I highly recommend it. Obviously the tennis montages have a new-found appeal for me, but the rest of it was really good too.

Roadtrips! There’s a lot to do around NZ, even within an hour or two of Christchurch. I’m trying to think of a good way to tell you about the things we have done, there will be more posts to highlight what we’ve done so far.

We hang out with friends, host guests, and sometimes try to make new friends. More on that in other posts as well.

Here’s another thing we did, which was attend an interactive improv-y game show at the Busker Festival...yes, I am realizing as I get ready to hit “publish” that it sorta seems like Jason and I are into a whole new realm of adult entertainment. 😱. We’re really not, not that there's anything wrong with it. I just thought you might appreciate this picture of Jason:

Next up in the blog: more FAQs. Political! Personal! Practical! See you soon.

PS: I don’t just cook with cheese...and these are my tomatoes:

0 notes

daddyslittlejuliet · 5 years

Text

Decoding Dog Food Lingo

The post Decoding Dog Food Lingo by Elizabeth Anderson Lopez appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

Certain words sound promising when it comes to canine nutrition, but some of them don’t deliver exactly what you may think. “Artisanal” might bring to mind a hipster Afghan Hound with a man bun, and “gourmet” may have you picturing a fancy chef preparing a meal for a foufy French Bulldog couple. But do you know the actual meaning of these terms when it comes to the dog food world?

“A lot of these claims do not guarantee a minimum standard quality because one doesn’t exist for many of these terms,” says Melanie Glass, DVM, with the ASPCA Animal Hospital in New York, New York. “The confusion and difficulty of selecting healthy food for ourselves and our pets is compounded by difficult-to-understand labels and adept marketing tools that make appealing claims not necessarily based on science.”

Common terms explained

According to Debbie Phillips-Donaldson, editor-in-chief of pet industry magazine Petfood Industry and the event Petfood Forum, some terms are considered marketing buzzwords like artisanal and gourmet, while others are “not consistently or fully defined (sustainable, locally sourced, transparency). None of them are regulated.”

This means dog lovers should read up on these terms and do some research on the products. Reach out and ask the companies more about the product to see if your understanding of the term is the same as theirs.

Artisanal

This is a popular term in both the human and pet world. We’ll use the Merriam-Webster dictionary’s definition. Artisanal means “produced in limited quantities by an artisan through the use of traditional methods — artisanal bread, cheese or wine. Also: creating a product in limited quantities by traditional methods.”

If a company says the food is artisanal, check out the website or email the company to find out exactly what that means in regard to its product.

Freeze-dried

Dr. Glass describes freeze-dried as “a specific food preparation that removes moisture content of food and can make it very shelf stable. This type of food often appears to be more expensive with no scientific evidence that it provides any additional nutritional benefits.”

“When applied to animal products, this typically means that the products are ‘raw’ and were not cooked to a safe temperature prior to being freeze-dried,” says Cailin Heinze, VMD, DACVN, a board-certified veterinary nutritionist at the Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts University in North Grafton, Massachusetts. “These products are thus at high risk of bacterial contamination with dangerous pathogens. Some freeze-dried meats are cooked first, but you can’t tell by looking at them — you would have to ask the manufacturer about each product.

Gourmet

Once again, we have to head to the Merriam-Webster dictionary for an authoritative definition: “Of, relating to, or being high quality, expensive or specialty food typically requiring elaborate and expert preparation.”

Usually gourmet food is a little higher priced, but this is not a regulated term. Again, if a company says the food is gourmet, check out the website or email the company to find out exactly what that means.

Grain free

“Unfortunately, consumers have the perception that grain-free foods are healthier than grain-based foods,” says Trumbull, Connecticut-based Ryan Yamka, PhD, board-certified in companion animal nutrition by the American College of Animal Sciences and a fellow with the American College of Nutrition. “Most will … say it’s because they are lower in carbohydrates, as well; however, this is simply not true. Most grain-based products will utilize whole grains. Most grain-free foods will use refined or purified starches like tapioca starch, potato starch and pea starch (sometimes all three in the top seven ingredients).”

Dr. Glass adds further insight: “There is no scientific evidence that demonstrates grain in pet food is harmful,” she says. “Whole grain can provide an excellent source of easily digestible protein, vitamins, minerals and other nutrients. Substitutes can actually have fewer nutrients and be more difficult for dogs to digest.” Dr. Glass adds that most dogs do not require a minimal carbohydrate diet to be healthy.

Locally sourced

Dr. Glass cites difficulty in defining this term. “How far away is too far to be considered local? Is it locally sourced if all of the animals were raised near the manufacturer or only some? Is it local if the animals were raised far away but the manufacturer is in your town?” she questions. “Again, this does not necessarily imply any environmental benefit and certainly does not clarify any nutritional quality to a dog food.”

Dr. Heinze agrees. “You can have great or poor quality ingredients sourced locally or distantly — e.g., you could get excellent lamb from New Zealand but poor quality chicken from your neighbor’s backyard.”

Sustainable

“Sustainability in its purest form is how a company creates positive impact for the communities and environments where they do business,” according to Dr. Yamka. “When looking at companies that claim to be sustainable, you should investigate how they purchase ingredients (i.e., part of the marine sustainability coalition), how they manufacture (i.e., do they use solar energy) down to their packaging (i.e., do they recycle or partner with people who can). Lastly, most companies focusing on sustainability practices are part of the Pet Sustainability Coalition or will be a Certified B Corporation.”

See if a company is part of the PSC or a Certified B corporation at these websites: petsustainability.org and bcorporation.net.

Transparency

“In its purest form, transparency should include ingredient sourcing, where your product is made, does it include processing aids or hidden ingredients and how the food actually benefits the animal,” Dr. Yamka says. “If a company claims to be transparent, see if it meets these factors.”

Again, regulatory agencies do not define transparency for pet food claims, but Dr. Heinze does. “To a veterinary nutritionist, it means being able and willing to answer our questions about nutrient levels, calories, ingredient sourcing, where the food is made and by whom, who designed the recipes and their credentials, etc.,” she adds. “In my 10 years of calling pet food companies, I can tell you this is often the exception rather than the rule!”

What do you feed?

Pet owners want to feed their dogs the best food they can afford. Some of these marketing buzzwords encourage dog owners to pay higher prices for lower quality.

“I have clients all the time apologetically tell me that they are feeding various diets that aren’t considered to be as ‘classy’ or ‘high quality’ as some of the more heavily hyped/marketed/trendy diets,” Dr. Heinze says. “Meanwhile, many of these diets are better in the really important things than the really trendy diets they feel bad about not feeding! I’ve also had clients refuse to feed therapeutic diets that could have a dramatic effect on their dog’s health because the diet doesn’t fit their picture of a ‘high-quality’ diet, which is often shaped by this kind of terminology and marketing.” When it comes to selecting the right food for your dog, focus on the actual ingredients instead of glowing terms.

When in doubt, research the product including reaching out to the manufacturer, ask your veterinarian, or consider Dr. Heinze’s approach. “My rule of thumb for selecting pet foods (and for the most part for my own diet as well) is to avoid things that are trendy in favor of tried and true. I would rather that my pets not be the guinea pigs for some colorful marketing term or new ingredient or process that may not have been thoroughly tested. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

All about AAFCO

According to the FDA’s website, the FDA ensures that the ingredients used in pet food are safe and have an appropriate function in the pet food. Equally important but lesser known is the Association of American Feed Control Officials (AAFCO).

“AAFCO standards are the agreed-upon nutritional requirements for a dog’s health made through years of clinical trials by veterinary nutritionists. This means that the foods meet specific standards that are accepted to adequately provide nutrition for your dog,” says Melanie Glass, DVM, who practices at the ASPCA Animal Hospital in New York.

“If a pet food does not say they are ‘AAFCO tested’ or at a minimum ‘formulated to meet AAFCO standards,’ I recommend owners stay clear of those foods, no matter what claims they may advertise,” Dr. Glass says. “Nutrition is a very challenging field, and formulating diets properly is difficult so as a veterinarian, the most important component of diet for me is that a company wants to ensure a science-based nutritional profile that was created by independent experts in the field.”

Visit talkspetfood.aafco.org for more details on AAFCO and how they define “natural,” “organic” and “human grade.”

About the author

Elizabeth Anderson Lopez is an award-winning writer based in Lake Forest, California. She and her husband have many pets, including two English Bull Terrier rescues named Dexter and Maybelene. You can contact her at fromconcepttocontent.com.

Editor’s note: This article appeared in Dogster magazine. Have you seen the new Dogster print magazine in stores? Or in the waiting room of your vet’s office? Subscribe now to get Dogster magazine delivered straight to you!

Read more about dog food on Dogster.com:

Using Coconut Oil for a Dog’s Itchy Skin

Can Dogs Eat Carrots? If So, Are Carrots Good for Dogs?

Dog Digestive System Basics — How Long Does it Take for a Dog to Digest Food?

0 notes

stiles-wtf · 5 years

Text

Decoding Dog Food Lingo

Common terms explained

Artisanal

If a company says the food is artisanal, check out the website or email the company to find out exactly what that means in regard to its product.

Freeze-dried

Gourmet

Grain free

Locally sourced

Sustainable

See if a company is part of the PSC or a Certified B corporation at these websites: petsustainability.org and bcorporation.net.

Transparency

What do you feed?

Pet owners want to feed their dogs the best food they can afford. Some of these marketing buzzwords encourage dog owners to pay higher prices for lower quality.

All about AAFCO

Visit talkspetfood.aafco.org for more details on AAFCO and how they define “natural,” “organic” and “human grade.”

About the author

Read more about dog food on Dogster.com:

Using Coconut Oil for a Dog’s Itchy Skin

Can Dogs Eat Carrots? If So, Are Carrots Good for Dogs?

Dog Digestive System Basics — How Long Does it Take for a Dog to Digest Food?

0 notes

buynewsoul · 5 years

Text

Decoding Dog Food Lingo

Common terms explained

Artisanal

If a company says the food is artisanal, check out the website or email the company to find out exactly what that means in regard to its product.

Freeze-dried

Gourmet

Grain free

Locally sourced

Sustainable

See if a company is part of the PSC or a Certified B corporation at these websites: petsustainability.org and bcorporation.net.

Transparency

What do you feed?

Pet owners want to feed their dogs the best food they can afford. Some of these marketing buzzwords encourage dog owners to pay higher prices for lower quality.

All about AAFCO

Visit talkspetfood.aafco.org for more details on AAFCO and how they define “natural,” “organic” and “human grade.”

About the author

Read more about dog food on Dogster.com:

Using Coconut Oil for a Dog’s Itchy Skin

Can Dogs Eat Carrots? If So, Are Carrots Good for Dogs?

Dog Digestive System Basics — How Long Does it Take for a Dog to Digest Food?

0 notes

jeffreyrwelch · 5 years

Text

Decoding Dog Food Lingo

Common terms explained

Artisanal

If a company says the food is artisanal, check out the website or email the company to find out exactly what that means in regard to its product.

Freeze-dried

Gourmet

Grain free

Locally sourced

Sustainable

See if a company is part of the PSC or a Certified B corporation at these websites: petsustainability.org and bcorporation.net.

Transparency

What do you feed?

Pet owners want to feed their dogs the best food they can afford. Some of these marketing buzzwords encourage dog owners to pay higher prices for lower quality.

All about AAFCO

Visit talkspetfood.aafco.org for more details on AAFCO and how they define “natural,” “organic” and “human grade.”

About the author

Read more about dog food on Dogster.com:

Using Coconut Oil for a Dog’s Itchy Skin

Can Dogs Eat Carrots? If So, Are Carrots Good for Dogs?

Dog Digestive System Basics — How Long Does it Take for a Dog to Digest Food?

0 notes

grublypetcare · 5 years

Text

Decoding Dog Food Lingo

The post Decoding Dog Food Lingo by Elizabeth Anderson Lopez appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

Common terms explained

Artisanal

If a company says the food is artisanal, check out the website or email the company to find out exactly what that means in regard to its product.

Freeze-dried

Gourmet

Grain free

Locally sourced

Sustainable

See if a company is part of the PSC or a Certified B corporation at these websites: petsustainability.org and bcorporation.net.

Transparency

What do you feed?

Pet owners want to feed their dogs the best food they can afford. Some of these marketing buzzwords encourage dog owners to pay higher prices for lower quality.

All about AAFCO

Visit talkspetfood.aafco.org for more details on AAFCO and how they define “natural,” “organic” and “human grade.”

About the author

Read more about dog food on Dogster.com:

Using Coconut Oil for a Dog’s Itchy Skin

Can Dogs Eat Carrots? If So, Are Carrots Good for Dogs?

Dog Digestive System Basics — How Long Does it Take for a Dog to Digest Food?

The post Decoding Dog Food Lingo by Elizabeth Anderson Lopez appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren't considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

0 notes

innerkryptonitebanana-blog · 6 years

Text

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