#I think Leo's a very in his own head kind of character. I love his brain but I hate his mouth I guess

[turtleblogatlast]

I honestly love the clothing styles of each of the turtles in this show and I love how these styles really incorporate their personalities as well.

Like, obviously Donnie has the best sense of style, yeah? Think that’s something pretty agreed upon here. Everything we see him put together is very meticulously crafted and clean. That goes with his personality because Donnie is a very meticulous person in general, and he knows what he likes very, very well, and knows how to flaunt it in turn. Him commenting on colors he enjoys or disapproving of outfits that the others see no problem with also shows how he just generally has an eye for this kind of thing. He doesn’t just know what looks good on himself, but also what looks good on others - and I think this ties into his love of gift giving too. Donnie also has a flair for making sure that his things have his “mark” on them, and his clothing is no exception. All that he wears and how he wears them screams “Donnie.”

Mikey is really fun because his styles are honestly a pendulum between super simplistic and incredibly out there. And often, you’re going to see a lot of color or patterns to both. And in my opinion I think that all reflects really well on Mikey’s character - he’s got a colorful personality but even more than that he’s incredible sure of who he himself is. Mikey’s style, I feel, is less what looks good as clothes and more what sparks joy in Mikey himself. His bright stickers he wears are a testament of that! He’s comfortable in his own skin and his style reflects this perfectly, whether he goes for a more out-there look or a more toned down one.

Now, for Leo. Okay, I think I’m actually in the minority here I feel because Leo’s style isn’t really that bad? Hear me out- if you actually look at what he wears, try taking out, like, one accessory. Suddenly, that outfit works! He even manages to put together many good outfits in the series, but his “bad” ones are the ones that tend to stand out, alas (just like how his mistakes tend to be big ones oop-) Basically, my personal look at him is not that he’s inept at styling at all, but that he has a “too much” gene. And like everyone else, this sense of style is completely like him, too. Going too far to impress when all he needed to do was slow it down some to think things through. (And funnily enough, a lot of his outfits take random aspects from his brothers too - “nothing without them” huh?)

For Raph, I feel bad for him since pretty much all of his clothes are inevitably going to be ripped, but he makes them work pretty much each time. Like Leo, Raph tends to go more sporty with his looks, but I also noticed that his stuff often goes in that in between of comfy, cool, and cute. His pajama suit in particular comes to mind in terms of “cute” as it’s more something you’d see younger children in rather than older kids, and I think it can be a subtle nod to the fact that for all Raph tries to seem older, he’s still just a kid too.

I could probably go on, but these are just all off the top of my head - I love how the boys’ personality’s come out in so many different ways.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rise donnie #rise leo #rise mikey #rise raph #I love fashion actually #if you’re wondering where this came from it came from me watching hours of outfit creation vids #but yeah! I honestly could probably go more into it #but I’m going off my memory for the most part rip #Leo in particular makes me sad because I disagree with like 99% of the fandom about his fashion sense LOL #I don’t think it’s bad but it’s def not close to Donnie level #Donnie is his own category #Leo though he’s not just jerseys and ripped sleeves #he wears full eye makeup as a granny and kills doing it #his pirate costume was very well put together imo #even his regular weird frog like disguise is perfectly fine when you get rid of the goggles #I ALSO don’t think Raph’s style is bad either #my boy has more difficulty with clothes since he’s limited to the stretchier stuff but like #he’s got good style!! #I’m def looking more into this all than necessary but #watch me come back to this and change it like fifty times #if you’re wondering what I mean about Leo’s outfits taking from his brothers #look at Raph’s standard disguise (the one they go out to play basketball with) #ripped sleeves and a backward cap #one of Leo’s main outfits in The Clothes Don’t Fit the Turtle? #ripped sleeves and backwards cap #incedentally these borrowed aspects actually hinder his overall look! #his outfit without them is more HIM y’know? which says a lot about allll their individual styles

[mymarifae]

every time someone says "an should have been vbs's leader" or "saki should have been leo/need's leader" i want to . slam my head through concrete. oh you missed the point so bad

1. the "leader" thing is kind of really fucking insignificant outside of where each group's story begins and promo materials. it doesn't mean one character is the "main character" of the group. project sekai doesn't HAVE a main character in the first place it's not that kind of story. each individual character is equally important to not only their group's story but the over-arching story of the whole game

2. leo/need's story begins with ichika because she is ultimately the one that brings them all back together. not saki. it is ichika's determination and frankly stubbornness that gets through to shiho and honami. like, saki was literally ready to give up on reconnecting with honami! (out of love and respect for her choices but like) if she was the focus leo/need would have been honami-less!! but ichika refuses to let it go. much like she refused to let go of their friendships throughout all of middle school.

when the story begins, we see ichika burnt out and hopeless. but that's only after years of trying and trying and trying and trying again to reconnect with shiho and later honami. this fandom does not understand ichika's character well . she's not meek and she doesn't back down easily she's not some like... fumbling "girlflop" she's incredibly driven and strong-willed. she lost some of that due to depression and isolation but as of leo/need's most recent arc ender she has pretty much regained her fiery spirit. she's leo/need's lead singer and MC for a reason

3. vivid bad squad's story opens with kohane because she's the only one who hasn't grown up/partially grown up on vivid street. if an or akito had been the "leader" we would have lost the magic of getting to know vivid street and its people and unique culture. it's all average every day life for them, but kohane is experiencing it all for the first time. it's only through her eyes that the audience can understand just how very special vivid street is

4. one more thing: you could say that the "leaders" represent the themes of each group and the general direction of their story arcs. vivid bad squad, among several other things, is all about improvement and growth and overcoming challenges and creating something new and finding a place to call home within a community. who better to represent that but the socially anxious newbie who never felt like she belongs anywhere and would never do anything with her life?

leo/need is about love and the ability to endure all hardships and preserve that love . it's about having a heart big enough to hope for the impossible and the willpower to make it reality. ichika, in all her hard-headed stubborn painfully persistent glory, is perfect for that.

similarly, mafuyu isn't nightcord's leader because nightcord is ultimately about healing. hope. finding a way to make life worth living again. these aren't paths he would have chosen on his own. he gave up on himself a long time ago. as did ena and mizuki, in their own ways. the best person to represent hope is the one who refuses to give up on anyone and stubbornly believes she can save them all

wonderlands x showtime is about moving forward to a brighter future and not letting the past keep you shackled in place. it's also about having lofty dreams and the selfishness to pursue those dreams. both of these things are why emu Isn't wxs's leader; she lacks that selfishness (i'm not using this word in a negative sense btw; i think being selfish can be a good thing. and sometimes being selfless is a bad one) tsukasa (and rui) has, and she often clings to the past.

and as far as more more jump and all their own themes of hope and never giving up go, of course their leader has to be minori. she brought three disillusioned, jaded ex-idols hope and reignited their passion! she's the walking embodiment of hope itself

#i'm going to chew on rocks #project sekai #yeah sure main tag thiswhy not

[emblemxeno]

Something ironic is that even though 3H is a massive game with a very strong and consistent creative fandom, I have had no creative spark with that game beyond discourse lol.

Of course, my type of creative output is different from most people's; I like reading into things, analyzing dialogue to recontextualize characters as a whole, look for real world analogies, hypothesize potential non-canon interactions, etc.

E.g., the Nohr siblings and their relationships with their father, with each other, or the court is never explicitly laid out in detail as to what happened. At best, you get basic extrapolations such as "we were told not to talk to Azura" or "our mothers used us as tools to curry favor and to sabotage/hurt one another."

Put those backstories and character traits against events in the story? It makes you think. Elise, Leo, and Camilla are stressed tf out and panicking over Xander and Corrin's fight during chapter 2, cuz siblings hurting each other = one's gonna die to them. Corrin choosing Hoshido or even siding with neither kingdom is a strike against Xander's ego and his built up sense of normalcy as a stoic fraternal unit trying to hold together the last remnants of his family. Camilla intertwines violence and love because she was raised receiving love and affection from her mother only after being subservient to her mom's terrible actions towards the other concubines and royal children. Leo is on Forrest's case at first because he has his on warped sense of "bringing shame and dishonor" to his family, an amalgamation of his loneliness when the other sibs focus on Corrin despite his own accomplishments and his mom most likely drilling it into his head that he has to be talented to be an honorable prince; it's little wonder he lets up on Forrest when he sees his son doing something noble and selfless like healing and attending to an entire town. Elise is an outlier because she's so young, and that either manifests as reckless, well-meaning bravery, or blubbering, immature outbursts draped in ignorance; she knows nothing beyond her supposedly good family unit other than what's been told to her second-hand, so how is she supposed to react when the rug is pulled from under her?

With 3H I don't get that kind of stuff, partly because the game is just that packed with dialogue and auxiliary comments from characters (IMO, a big reason why things seem bloated), and partly because of the way the story is delivered; since Byleth is a silent protagonist, character dialogue seesaws between having a conversation and telling/expositing at you, which results in a restrictive writing style that's actively harmful to implicit writing or subtext. There's nothing to scratch your brain about, because the game pretty much does that for you. And while many think having characters comment on story events each chapter in Garreg Mach is a positive to world building and narrative depth, I actually think the opposite, because the medium in which this dialogue and insights are given-talking to them with a silent protag who can't ever have an actual conversation-feels like I'm a scientist putting variables against each other and extracting data and information from the results, rather than a story with believable characters with lives, dreams, and relationships.

...Though, writing this out, maybe that's why it's appealing to other creatives. Maybe it's the equivalent to getting a 2,000 piece lego set, and switching only a few things around without dismantling the entire base project. The product itself is seen as art that can be altered in specific, minute ways that inspire curiosity and creative reaction.

I, on the other hand, get the most fun out of thinking about why the pieces fit together in the first place and how well they do in practice. Different strokes, I guess.

#fire emblem discourse #fire emblem fates #3h discourse #fire emblem

[yellowhollyhock]

I am curious why is raph overlooked? lol

It is difficult to balance four main characters and some iterations do better than others. One thing I would say is, it’s hard to establish a character as the Tough Guy in a whole group of tough guys if you make him get hurt. It seems like (across iterations) the main thing they wanted to come across for Raph’s character is his dependability. Leader guy is doubting his own principles, making a bad call, or unable to communicate the big picture and asking for obedience? Raph can be counted on to follow orders, he can also be counted on to stand up against bad orders, he will boost Leo up and have his back every time. Smart guy has an idea but can’t execute in the given time? Good thing Raph is there every time to notice and become a living shield for as long as it takes. Team’s funny guy/emotional strength/odd jobs (remember when he threw that grenade and upon hearing an explosion Leo and Don immediately knew it was him) not feeling up for a trip to whatever crazy place they’re going this time? Well Raph is always going up for it or not and Mikey will follow Raph. And since story-wise they have him occupied being Reliable, there’s not as much time to give him angst, especially since Leo has the main character role

And it kind of hurts to think Raph is overlooked by the writers because of the need to make him the tough guy, because… people irl who play that role for their loved ones can be overlooked a lot too. From the outside they can seem invincible and it might not be noticed when they’re hurting.

You know what is so important to me? Raph’s brothers holding him when he cries. All of them but especially Donnie, because I bet (I don’t bet I know, I made it up in my head) Raph is always the one who holds him when he cries. Whenever we see Donnie comforting others, I think he learned it from Raph. And it’s really precious to imagine his own methods being used on him once in a while.

Thanks for the Raph asks I love getting these. Asks like this make me think more deeply about the characters and it’s very fun

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #2003 raph #2003 donnie

[travlersjoy444]

On the Road to Nowhere

2012 Raph x Reader

Mutant Apocalypse timeline

Summary: After the mutagen bomb goes off, you manage to save Raph and Donnie. Sort of. Dealing with new bodies, memory loss, missing brothers and friends...was maybe not how any of you wanted your adult lives to go, but the world has changed beyond repair.

So with a heavy heart, you and your battered dream team set off onto the road to nowhere.

In other words, the early days of the Mutant Apocalypse.

Warnings: Angst, sadness, the characters cry a lot, bittersweet ending, really hefty word count, implied capriltello but it's in the background, Raphael is trans in this because it's my fic and my rules

Word count: 13.6k

***

Day 0.

  Donnie was hooked up to some machine of theirs, trying as hard as he could to save his brain as their body was mangled beyond repair, Casey was texting you nonstop, Mikey and Leo were MIA, Raph was curled up on the couch, and you were sitting on the floor trying to process everything.

CaseyjONES:

R you guys okay??? No ones responding. Me and april are at my house 

CaseyjONES:

(Y/N) seriously what’s going on? I know you can see this i see your read symbol

CaseyjONES:

Where are you guys???

  Oh yeah. Now that you were done attaching Donnie to his one shot at survival, you could stop ignoring Casey’s texts. Nice.

You:

Sorry Case’ I was kinda preoccupied for a bit there

You:

Leo n Mikey are missing. Donnie and I retreated back into the lair. Raph is freaking out, I think he hit his head. Would ask Dee, but Dee is compromised. 

CaseyjONES:

Compromised???

You:

They fell off a building and got impaled. Is currently uploading his consciousness into an old Metalhead prototype. Very horrifying to witness. Status update, I feel like throwing up.

CaseyjONES:

…

CaseyjONES:

Shit

You:

Shit indeed

You: 

Anyways, I’m mostly uninjured. Arm mighta gotten mildly sprained but y’know what i’ll worry bout that later. Lair is a mess, only thing really salvageable was the lab. Probably gonna leave as soon as dee is stable. How are you guys?

CaseyjONES:

My sister got mutated. Last thing she touched was our cat so now she’s got claws. Shes freakin out and aprils trying to calm her down with empath powers or whatever. My dad is MIA but good riddance if ya ask me. Broke mty arm so im typing this with 1 hand, and april sprained her ankel. The cat has miraculously survived + is sittig w/ me on the couch wich is pretty cool ngl

You:

So youre all stable???

CaseyjONES:

Yea

You:

Oh thank god

You: 

Cas my phones about to die. Dee n i will contact ya soon as theyre stable. Love ya. Stay safe or i’ll kill u

CaseyjONES:

Cool cool. Love you too. keep everyone+urself safe. Hopefully we;ll see yo soon.

  You sighed as your phone clicked off, definitively cutting off your final connection to your friends.

  Raph whimpered behind you in one of the most un-Raph like ways you’d ever heard, and you turned around.

  “Raph? You okay?” You rasped.

  He was curled around himself tightly, rocking back and forth.

  “Who the fuck are you?” He whispered, tears in his eyes.

  You winced. You were guessing he had some form of amnesia, or some kind of damage to the hippocampus.

   “I’m (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). You’re my best friend, but I think you hit your head in all the chaos.” You said slowly, feeling your heart sink even further.

  He gave a strangled sob and shoved his face into his knee pads. “I hate this. Who the fuck am I?”

  “You’re Raphael Hamato. You’re the son of Splinter or Hamato Yoshi. You’re the brother of Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo, and the father of Chompy Picasso. You’re the best friend ever to me. You hit your head when Leo saved us from the mutagen bomb. I’m pretty sure it is currently the end of the known world.” You answered slowly, robotically. You were half-aware of how you were saying it for your own sanity as much as you were for Raph’s.

  “Where are we?” Raph said, voice trembling in a way that seemed so out of character.

  “Your home. Well. Sorta. It kinda got partially destroyed, there were a lotta cave ins.” You said numbly, standing up. “D’ya wanna tour? See if it…I’unno, sparks a few memories?”

  He pressed his shell to the back of the couch, scooting away from you. “D’you think that’ll help? …How do I know I can trust you?”

  “...C’mere.” You said, waving towards Donnie’s bulletin board in the back of the lab. Hesitantly, Raph followed after you, though not without a groan of pain.

  “That’s you.” You murmured, unpinning a photo of a smiling Raph and Casey as they posed in front of a wall you’d all spray painted. “I took this photo when we were fifteen, about three years ago. That human is Casey Jones, our close friend.”

  Raph took the photo, squeezing it lightly in his shaky hands. “Show me another.” He demanded.

  “Here’s you and I at the farmhouse.” You smiled fondly at the memory. “I was bored and convinced you to let me give you eyeliner.” Photo-Raph was scowling at the camera, with his arms crossed and pointy winged liner around his eyes. Photo-you was grinning proudly, holding the eyeliner pen with one hand and giving photo-Raph a side-hug with the other.

  Real-Raph accepted the photo. “That’s me, then?”

  “Yeah.” 

  “Why don’t I look like you and this guy?”

  “We’re humans. You’re a mutant.” You said simply. “A turtle/human hybrid, like your siblings.” 

  You pointed to a group shot. “The one with the blue mask is Leonardo, orange is Mikey, and purple is…uhm. Well, purple was Donnie...” You said, trying to choke back tears as you stared at the photo. “I-is any of this…y’know, ringing any bells?” You managed to mumble out through your tears. 

  Raph shook his head. “No.”

  “Oh.” You said, feeling a fresh new wave of dread wash over you. You took a deep breath. “Well. That’s not ideal.” 

  “Where are the other…turtles?” Asked Raph, clearly hesitant to call these supposed strangers his siblings, which nearly broke you even further.

  “Mikey and Leo are missing, and Donnie…” You sighed. “Well, I’d probably better just show you.”

  You lead him over to the table where Donnies mutilated body sat underneath a sheet. Wires ran from underneath it and connected to a tiny Metalhead robot.

  “What’s…wrong with him?” Raph said softly, reaching for the sheet.

  “Don’t.” You breathed, brushing his hand away. “You don’t wanna see it, trust me. They fell off a building and got impaled by shrapnel and debris. Their body isn’t exactly pretty or…y’know. Recognizable as Donatello.”

  “They’re dead?” Raph asked, and the tinge of discomfort in his voice wasn’t nearly enough for the situation- the Raph you knew would be yelling and crying and screaming, not…not being mildly uncomfortable in the way that one is when a stranger dies.

  “Yes and no. He’s uploading his brain into that robot. There’s only about an hour left before it loads. After that, we’re outta here for good. The scavengers’ll be coming soon, so we havta get a move on sooner than later.” You said, an empty hollow feeling in your chest as you said the words ‘for good’. 

  It just felt so real.

  “C’mon. Let’s see if your room has anything salvageable.” You grunted, leaving Donnie’s body behind.

  Raph’s room had partially caved in, but the front of it still looked okay. His drum set sat undamaged in the corner, though you doubted there was room for it in the Shellraiser, so it was a moot point.

  Raph stared vacantly at the place that had once mattered so much to him, without a single hint that he recognized any of it in his empty features. You wanted to hug him so bad. Maybe more for your own comfort than for his. 

  But then again, you needed the familiar hug of your best friend…not this vacant eyed empty shell of a turtle who didn’t recognize you.

  “Oh hey look. That box says ‘photos’ on it.” Raph said lightly, pointing at a dusty shoebox that sat under the bed and breaking you out of your spiralling thoughts.

  “It also says ‘do not touch’.” You pointed out.

  “Yeah well, I think I’d want me to know what’s in my own ‘do not touch’ box.” Raph grunted, sounding like his old sarcastic self again for just a moment.

  You held your hands up and stepped aside, and Raph scooped up the box. 

  He took off the lid, and picked up one of the photos. “...Who’s Venus?” He said, holding up a photo of a little turtle in a red bow with the label ‘Venus De Milo’. 

  You frowned, staring at the photo in confusion. Judging by the line drawn over the word ‘Venus’, Raph clearly had not wanted you to know about it, but the name didn’t ring any bells. “Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never met a Venus. Maybe you guys had some long lost sister that no one told me about?”

  “Seriously? What kinda soap opera bullshit would that be?” Raph snorted.

  “I mean. It wouldn’t be the first time.” You shrugged. 

  “...Wait, really?”

  “S’okay, we’ll ask Donnie.” You said. “Now…I’m pretty sure you’d want me to save your sketchbook and paints. Your canvases too, but we don’t have room for that.”

  He swallowed, flipping through the sketchbook you’d handed him, tracing over the doodles on the cover. “Fuck. I…I don’t remember any of these.” He murmured, not even bothering to wipe the tears from under his mask.

  “And I…I can’t find Chompy.” You whispered, rifling around his room a final time. “Shit. Shit shit shit. M-maybe he ran away…” You trailed off, wiping your face with your torn-up shirtsleeve.

  “Chompy?”

  You looked away from him. “Chompy Picasso. Alien turtle. Your son, basically...and I-I can’t fucking find him anywhere. Hopefully he got out before we came here, otherwise…” You swallowed a sob. 

  Raph stared at you, looking sick. “I had a son? But aren’t we…teenagers?” He said, his voice devoid of the raging grief he would have felt before, and replaced with a look of discomfort and horror at being a stranger to his own life.

  “An adoptive son, practically, yeah. And you…you loved him so, so much…He was so fucking cute…” You cried, your voice cracking. “Shit, Raph. You don’t remember Chompy…”

  “Shit.” He agreed, staring at the ground.

***

  Donnie was stable now, opening and closing his new metal hands.

  “How’s Raph?” They said. Their voice had taken on a metallic ring, though it still sounded like Donnie at its core.

  “Brain damage. He’s got brain damage.” You answered, glancing over to the far side of the lab where Raph sat, flipping through his box of photos.

  “What?!”

  “He doesn’t remember anything. That’s why he's keeping his distance. Said it feels weird.” 

  “Memory loss.” Donnie said, and the creaking breathy sounds that followed could only be described as crying although his new metal face remained neutral. 

  You held out your arms and Donnie fell into them, shaking and sobbing but not really. They were so small now, which felt wrong, because Donnie had always been close to your height if not taller.

  Well, it didn’t matter. This was Donnie now, and that stranger in the corner staring at the photos was Raph, and that haggard looking human in the mirror was you.

  Day 0 of the apocalypse and you were already all falling apart at the seams.

  Nice.

***

Day 1.

  Raph forgot his own name for a few hours, and Donnie panicked. He’d say to you later that it was nice to know his circuitry was still capable of having a panic attack, but his voice would be hollow. Well, more so than it was already with that robotic tremor to his voice. 

  But at the moment, you were sitting with your arms around a trembling Metalhead who was actually Donatello, and making uncomfortable eye contact with Raph who sat across from you on the floor of the Shellraiser.

  His bright green eyes were narrowed in frustration, and his plastron rose and fell quicker than usual. He was probably hyperventilating. 

  You kept your distance. When you’d tried to comfort him earlier, he’d tried to shank you with a piece of glass he’d found on the ground. You didn’t hold it against him, really- he’d yelled “Who the hell are you?! Stay back!” first, so you at least knew it wasn’t out of malice.

  And it also meant that he was more damaged than you and Donnie had originally thought. 

  Probably permanently, Donnie had said through gasping breaths before he realized he didn’t actually need air anymore. 

  Fuck. 

  “I’m sorry, Raph.” You found yourself saying, because you were. It may have stung having him try to hurt you, but what stung more was the look of pure fear and confusion in his face. 

  He broke eye contact with you and dropped his face onto his knee pads again, slumping over in shame and sorrow. 

  “I’m sorry (Y/N), Donatello.” He replied, voice slightly muffled by his legs, which were pulled to his chest.

  “Don’t be.” You muttered. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to.”

  Donnie nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve treated you sooner, then you might’ve stood a chance-”

  “Shut up Donatello. If you had done that then you woulda bled out and died and you are not allowed to fucking die on me, we clear?” You hissed, squeezing his metal shoulders.

  “I did die, (Y/N).” Donnie said flatly, pointing at the bag that held their body.

  “Shit.” You said, letting your gaze follow his finger as you let it finally sink in that yeah you were talking to Donnie, but also that was his fucking corpse in the back of the Shellraiser. “Shit shit shit. You’re still with us, but like…man this is fucked up, huh? You’re not dead, Don, you’re still you, but…”

  “What if I’m not?! I’m a robot! Maybe the real Donatello is dead! What if I’m just a really good simulation?! What if I just think I’m panicking because it’s what Donatello would do?” He exclaimed, tugging on Metalhead’s antennae when he would usually tug on his mask tails.

  “Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure human emotions are a physical chemical reaction too. So one could argue that I’m just freaking out because the chemicals in my brain are reacting rather than me actually feeling things, right?” You offered.

  “...I guess…Look I think I'm gonna go into sleep mode now, okay? It’s been a long day.” They sighed.

  “Yeah, okay. See ya tomorrow, Don. Love you.” You said, patting his shoulder. 

  “Ditto.” They said, and then the lights went out in their eyes.

  Raph sighed, staring at his sibling. “It feels weird being taller than them for some reason.” He grunted, breaking the silence.

  “Oh, you remember that?” You said hopefully.

  “Nah. I guess it just….feels weird. I dunno.”

  “Well…Yeah it really does. Donnie always towered over you and Leo. Mikey hit a growth spurt like two years ago and wound up almost as tall, and you nearly cried at that...” You rambled, smiling. 

  “Oh. That explains it, I guess.” Raph snorted. “Was I…taller than Leo? Just out of curiosity, of course…” He added, looking hopeful.

  “Nah. Leo’s 5’2ish. You are 5’1.” 

  “...Fuck.” Raph cursed. “That is unfair, y’know that?”

  “You complained about it often.” You smiled. “It was kinda adorable.”

  “Adorable?” Raph said, wrinkling his snout.

  “Yeah. Ha. I uh….called you that a lot, guess it’s kinda a habit. Not because you’re short but because I thought you were cute. Uh…by which I mean good-looking, not cute like a kitten or something.” You said with a shrug. “Not that it really matters.”

  “Oh. That’s cool then, I guess.” Raph said with a slight smile.

  You smiled. “So I can keep callin’ you adorable?”

  “Sure. Knock yourself out.” 

  You glanced out the window of the Shellraiser. It was still too bright out to travel safely to Casey’s apartment, with too many angry mindless mutants destroying everything in sight. You and Donnie had agreed to wait till the cover of night to head over there, in hopes that the new mutants would retain their usual sleep schedule.

  “Damn. How long’ll this take?” You mumbled. It was six in the evening, but still bright as ever outside…

  A pink thing slammed into the front camera, sending you falling back in shock.

  Upon further inspection, it appeared to be a once-human that had been nearly swallowed by brainy, vein-covered tendrils. You choked back a gag.

  Raph swallowed and clicked the camera off, looking greener than usual as the image faded.

  “Ugh. Gross.” You whispered.

  “So I’m assuming that things weren’t alway like this, right?” Raph said softly.

  “Nope. You, my friend, would much prefer the Old World…” You paused, having a realization. “Shit. I bet that if this were a transcript, ‘Old World’ would be fucking capitalized.” 

  “So….there’s no way to undo whatever happened?”

  “Nah. Dee’s run the numbers. The odds of the Earth bouncing back from this…are in the negatives.” You said, unable to summon anything other than an empty sigh.

  “...What was your Earth like?” Raph asked, raising his brow ridge as he stared at you gently, as if you were some sorta fragile ceramic that could break at any minute.

  Or as if you were a tearful human who’s world had just turned upside down.

  You heaved a sigh, and sat down next to him on the floor.

  “Well…there were trees yesterday. Green trees, not those crystal lookin’ things in Central Park that we saw this morning. And yesterday, this was New York, and it was full of people, not…those brain mutants and animal hybrids and…fuckin’  masses of organs suspended in jello. I dunno how far reaching the mutation bomb was, but Dee’s scanners have picked up on stuff as far as Florida to the south and Quebec to the north, and that’s not even counting the ones that went off on the West Coast and outside of America. Whatever it was that terraformed the Earth did a fucking good job.” You sighed, pulling your knees to your chest.

  “So the old world really is the Old World.” Raph breathed. 

  “Yup. I…I don’t think we’ll ever get our homes back, Raphael.” You whispered. 

  Yesterday morning when you’d said something like that, Raph had pulled you into a wordless hug and you’d pressed your face into his chest and cried. 

  This evening as you sat on the floor crying, Raph stared at you sadly but kept his distance.

  And you were reminded once again that you really were alone.

***

You: Casey we’re headed over

You: Read ya messages case

You: Dude seriously, are you guys okay?

Sent: 4hrs ago, unread

You: We’re here…

Sent: 1hr ago, unread

***

  “Case’? Casey?” You yelled, wandering through his apartment. “April…”

  “April! Casey!” Donnie yelled even louder than you. His face couldn’t emote, but his voice was high and desperate, and you were pretty sure they were twice as nervous as you were.

  “He hasn’t replied to any messages since like three pm, and we’ve searched this dump for like an hour. I don’t think your friends are here, guys.” Raph sighed, crossing his arms. 

  “Shut up!” You and Donnie chorused, and Raph rolled his eyes. 

  “Fine, whatever! We’ll just stay here forever then I guess!” He snapped.

  “Yeah well maybe we’re not being big babies, Raph! Don’t you care about finding Casey?!”

  “I don’t know who the fuck Casey is!” Raph growled.

  Donnie deflated. “...You’re right. I…I’m sorry, Raph. I forgot that you’re…y’know.”

  “Brain damaged? Nice. Can’t fucking relate.” Raph grunted.

  You exhaled through your nose. “Sorry Rafa. We’re just…we really wanted this lead…” Shit you were crying again. 

  “It’s just…I miss them so much. Casey and April mattered a lot to us, and to you, and we thought they’d….we thought they’d be here, but we’ve lost their signal and now I don’t fucking know what to do…” You whimpered, burying your face into your scarf.

  Donnie tried to pat you on the shoulder but only succeeded in reaching to the small of your back.

  “I miss  them too. Well Raph…Casey and April…well, they mattered a ton to me and it just…is so scary to consider that they might…” 

  They didn’t finish the sentence, but you knew what they meant. 

  That they might be dead. 

  Raph stared at both of you with a grimace, seeming to pick up on the meaning too.

***

Day 15.

  Raph stared at the photos a lot, not recognizing any of them.

  Sometimes he woke up on the floor of the subway car that you, his supposed ‘best friend’, and Donnie, the robot who claimed to be his brother, had dubbed the ‘Shellraiser’. He’d sit there trying to remember where he was, only for him to slowly remember waking up in rubble to a wide pair of (E/C) eyes.

  That was always what he remembered first. 

  Then he’d remember the smell of smoke and something he didn’t have a name for, and the feeling of someone hugging him close to their chest and whispering “It’s okay it’s okay-shit- Dee, he’s not waking up, he’s not- Oh my god Donnie, your- your plastron-”

  He’d opened his eyes a crack to see humans mutating, screaming in horror, before someone shifted his head, and then all he could see was fabric.

  Then he was on an unfamiliar couch with someone squeezing his hand. “Donnie…that’s a thing that’s possible?”

  “No, but do I have any other option?!”

  “...Shit Dee, you- you can’t die on me-”

  “I won’t. I swear I won’t, (Y/N). If my theories are concrete, which they have an-” The voice paused to take a laboured breath. “-an 86.3% chance of being, then my consciousness will- shit that hurts- my consciousness will be uploaded into Metalhead…”

  Raph didn’t remember how that conversation had ended, which he was very okay with. 

  Then after that the other things would begin to come back. Right. Right, he was Raphael, and these two people used to matter a lot to him in the Before Times, supposedly.

  He didn't remember either of you, if he was honest. But if the notes on his Past Self’s photos were trustworthy, then you especially meant the world to him once. 

  He held up a photo of you in different, cleaner clothes. Your eyes were brighter, and you were grinning harder than you ever had now. The note on the back read ‘Reference photo 4 drawing (Y/N)’ in a messy script with a heart drawn next to it. Below it, in smudged print, it said ‘I feel creepy for staring at this for so long… Shit why did I write that down?’

  He frowned and looked at another. This one was of a purple-ish pink turtle that gave the camera a wide smile, and the notation on the back said ‘Chompy I love you so fucking much but stop burning my paper please’

  The next photo wasn’t a photo but a drawing. It was a rough sketch of a human hugging a baby turtle that was drawn in pink, with soft shading and a lot of smudges. The back of this one said ‘Shitty drawing of (Y/N) and Chompy. Felt bad throwing it away though for some reason, idk’

  Raph wrinkled his snout. He disagreed with his Past Self, he thought the drawing looked kinda cute. Still, he’d respect Past Raph’s wishes and hide it away in the ‘Don’t Touch Box’. 

  He looked at the next picture. Venus again. 

  There were a lot of photos in the Don’t Touch Box of this ‘Venus De Milo’, and Raph hadn’t gotten any closer to an answer as to who she was. Heck, there were a few photos where she was completely crossed out with no further commentary. Not that it made much of a difference though, since the commentary that was there was ridiculously unhelpful. ‘Took another one of Sensei’s Venus photos. I wish he’d just let me burn all of them, but instead he just gave me this box and told me to hide them here instead of destroying all our childhood photos. Ugh. I hate them so much, obviously you know why, future me.’

  No, I do not. Why are you so cryptic, Past Me?! Raph clicked in frustration, throwing the Venus photos back into the box. 

  “Lookin’ at Sensei’s old photos, Raph?” Said Donnie, making Raph jump back in surprise. 

  “Dammit, you’re awake?!”

  “Yeah, just finished…charging.” Donnie sighed. “That still feels so weird to say.”

  “Well, you’ve only been like this for…what, a week? Two?” Raph said dryly. 

  “...Yeah. I miss being…tall.” Donnie said softly. Raph got the vibe that they’d actually meant something else, but he didn’t feel like unpacking that right now.

  “I miss you being tall.” Raph agreed. “Maybe that’s a good sign as far as memory stuff goes though.”

  “...Hey, maybe it is, Raph! That’s actually really good!” Donnie said, their voice perking up while their face remained uncannily blank.

  “...Cool.” Raph said. “...Hey, Donnie, who was Venus?”

  Donnie jolted. “-Oh. Right. You found those pictures… I actually forgot about- well. Venus… You’re a transman, Raph, and Venus was your name back before you realized you were a boy.”

  Raph frowned. “I’m a…what?”

  “Well…when we were kids, Splinter named you Venus De Milo because you were physically a girl. Then when we were like thirteen or fourteen you told us that you actually were our brother, not our sister, so Sensei changed your name to Raphael.” Donnie said slowly.

  Raph…did not like that information at all. “So…I’m not a boy?”

  “No you are, it just took a bit of time for you to realize it.” Donnie shrugged. 

  “Good. I…do not like the name Venus.” Raph grunted.

  “Yeah, when we were little you used to make us call you ‘Milo’ instead.” Donnie chuckled. “Splinter was so confused, but he just wanted you to be happy at the end of the day, really…”

  Raph swallowed. “Uhh…Donatello, who’s…Splinter?”

  Donnie’s neck sparked. “Right. Right right right…Raph, Splinter was our dad.” 

  “Oh.” He should know that. What kinda person didn’t even recognize their own father?! 

  Why couldn’t he remember the things that made Past Raph so happy?

  Well he didn’t even remember that he was a fucking girl, so clearly he wasn’t the best judge-

  “G’mornin’ guys” You yawned, leaning over the passenger’s seat where Raph had perched.

  Raph shook his head clear and looked back at you. “Hi.”

  “How’s the new body coming, Don?” You asked, stretching your arms.

  “I’m almost done with the shell. I’ve made it segmented this time so that I can actually bend over, see?” They said, bending the large shell made of sewer plates.

  “Oh. That’s really rad, Dee.” You said proudly.

  “Yeah, I’m sick of being shorter than Raph.” He chuckled. “I can't wait to finish this model.”

  “Wait, you’re making a new new body?” Raph frowned. “Did I know about that?”

  “Yeah, I told you yesterday, you must have forgotten... S’okay though. Here’s the design, I made these blueprints months ago.”

  “How come? What’s wrong with this robot?” Raph said, glancing over the taller, sleeker design sketch Donnie had handed him.

  Donnie shrugged. “I guess…this is Metalhead’s body, not mine. And I want my body to feel like mine.”   “Oh. Okay, fair enough I guess?” Raph shrugged, not sure how that made sense. Donnie was in the body, so that made it his right? Why’d they need a new one?

  Whatever, Donnie could do what they wanted, he supposed.

  “I think it looks great.” You smiled, though it didn’t reach your eyes the way it did in the Don’t Touch Box photos. “I love the purple LEDs.”

  “Yeah, it looks nice.” Raph agreed. It really did; it was cleaner than Donnie’s current body, and seemingly more combat-effective if all the hidden blasters in the concept art were any clue. Plus it just looked cool as fuck.

  “Thanks. It should be finished in a few weeks…in the meantime though, (Y/N), we should discuss plans.”

  You nodded, following Donnie to the back of the Shellraiser.

  “We should go on a supply run, we’re low on perishable food and water.” You said, writing ‘supply run’ on the whiteboard Donnie had set up in the back. 

  “Okay, noted. Do we have enough non-perishables?”

  “Yeah. The drawers in the back are full of instant ramen and canned food.” You nodded.

  “So just the usual things then…shelter. What’re we gonna do about shelter?”

  “Yeah, I don’t really like it out here. Seems pretty sketchy.” Raph grunted, spinning around so that his plastron was pressed to the back of the chair and his head was rested on the top.

  “I vote we go to the farmhouse. You’ve run your scans, and I think we just needa….you know, accept that everyone is…out of range of the scanners. We’re just sitting ducks in New York, Don.” You sighed.

  Donnie clenched their fists. “I- I know, but like…what if they come back for us and we’re not here, (Y/N)? What if by leaving we forfeit our chances of finding Casey, April, Mikey, and Leo?”

  “Well what if we do? Who cares?” Raph argued. “They either left or they’re dead, Donatello! We should leave too if we wanna not be dead!”

  “Yeah well what do you know?! You don’t even know the extent of the damage!”

  “Yeah I do. Explode-y bomb things from here to the other side of the planet. Earth getting terraformed in some twisted reflection of the world you knew before. Humans turning into horrifying brainless monsters, and humans that turn into horrified monstrous mutants, and humans like (Y/N) who survived with trauma and dead friends. And friends that lose their memories. Yadayada, all that shit.” Raph said through gritted teeth. “Plus, I saw you guys fighting off those mutants in the last supply run, you barely escaped with your fucking tail attached. Long story short, I vote we get outta here as soon as possible.”

  You and Donnie looked at each other, blinking.

  “I vote what he votes.” You supplied.

  Donnie sighed. “You always did…fine. Fine, guys.  You win. But can we please just stay for one more night?”

  You shrugged. “Yeah, I think that seems fair. Raph?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Deal. We havta go on that supply run, anyways, so.”

  “Cool cool. So…farmhouse then, Dee?” You said hesitantly, as if you were afraid of hurting Donnie.

  Donnie just grunted. “I’m gonna go into sleep mode. You guys handle the supply run, I have to do some repairs from last time.”

  “Well that wasn’t really an answer.” You said flatly as Donnie’s lights went out again.

  “...No it was not.” Raph sighed. 

***

  “D’ya think I can pull off steel-toed boots?” You grinned, rapping your knuckles on the metal capped toes of a pair of leather combat boots.

  “Well…it seems efficient, so yeah, why not.” Raph shrugged.

  “Yeah, but would it look rad?” You pressed.

  Raph nodded. “It would look badass.”

  “Now that’s the answer I was lookin’ for.” You beamed, pulling on the boots.

  “Do you think I’d look cool in that jacket?” Raph asked, reaching for an aviator jacket. It was useful, from a practical standpoint, with tons of pockets and the ability to hold in warmth, but he didn’t really want it if it didn’t make him look like the characters on the covers of the comics he’d managed to salvage.

  “Raphael, you would look so cool in that jacket. You need it.” You nodded emphatically. “All we’d needa do is cut a hole for your shell.”

  “...Oh yeah. Forgot about that part.” Raph sighed, wrinkling his snout in disdain. His shell was kinda inconvenient. But then again, it did function as a fantastic natural armor, so pros and cons. He tossed the jacket into the hijacked cart anyways.

  You grabbed a tent from the shelf. “I think this’ll probably be useful down the line right?”

  “Well…it’s free, so might as well.”

  “Ooh, lookit this lifestraw!”

  “What the hell is a lifestraw?”

  “It filters water. Turns even the most contaminated junk into safely drinkable water. I’m surprised there’s even one left, this is gonna save our shells.”

  “You don’t have a shell, (Y/N).”

  “I’ve spent the past three years of my life surrounded almost entirely by people who do. Your jargon has worn off on me.”

  “What the hell is jargon?”

  “Your turtle-specific manner of speaking. Like swapping normal words for ‘shell’.”

  “Shit, we did that?”

  “Yeah. It was charming.”

***

  “(Y/N), what’s ‘feminine hygiene’?” Raph frowned, peering down an aisle.

  You glanced up, following his gaze. “Uh…y’know, girl stuff, don’t worry about it.”

  “Donnie said I’m a ‘transman’, so maybe I should.” Raph mumbled, feeling ill at the thought.

  You did a double take. “Wait what? Oh-kay, cool cool. Maybe you do need to worry about it.”

  Raph grunted and crossed his arms. “I dunno why, but I get a very odd, very uncomfortable feeling when you say that.”

  You swallowed, obvious nervousness in your eyes. “Well…that is fair. Raphael…allow me to remind you about the world of…feminine hygiene. Damn. I’m having to give my boyfriend- uh- my best friend- ‘the talk’, this feels weird!” You laughed. “Uh…so how do I put this. Once a month people with feminine body parts…bleed uncontrollably and you havta fix it with the stuff in this aisle! …Yayyyy!”

  Raph suddenly got a very vivid memory of sitting on the couch of the lair with a hot pack on his plastron and an angry feeling in his head.

  Shit, why was one of the few memories he had of the Old World one where he was bleeding in places he didn’t want to be?!

  He groaned and facepalmed. “This is shit, you know that? My life is shit.”

  “Periods ain’t fun.” You nodded. “I dunno if you turtles are affected the same way as humans though, so I could be totally wrong-”

  “No, no, I remember now. It’s the same. Basically.” Raph said, blushing bright red and glaring at the ground. “Aaand I’m calling it on that conversation.” He finished.

  You nodded. “I’ll allow it. Lemme know if you need any help figuring out what supplies you need-”

  “-nO I’m good!” Raph exclaimed. “How about you just get- get some other supplies right now?!” He grinned, trying to mask the discomfort that rose the longer he stood in this stupid aisle.

  You nodded. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’ll be in the next aisle over, the first aid section, ‘kay?”

  “Great.” Raph replied.

  It was only after you’d left that he noticed that you’d called him your ‘boyfriend’ for a second there.

  Well. Well that was an interesting development. 

  Raph hated not having his memories. He was 99% positive that Past Raph would know exactly what you meant by that, but presently? Raph was just so, so confused.

  Maybe he had been your boyfriend in the Old World. If the photos counted for anything, Past Raph had probably liked you at some point- you showed up more often than anyone else, both in the photos and in his sketchbook. And he hadn’t even finished digging through them yet.

  And now instead of having good ol’ Past Raph to comfort you, you got this Raph. The Raph who had forgotten his own name a few days ago, the Raph who didn’t really know what to do when you cried, the Raph who was so sick of not knowing… 

  Heck, he was pretty sure you had been avoiding touching him, which felt just as weird as being taller than Donnie. Even in the photos, you always seemed to have an arm around him or a hand in his, but now you were careful not to stray within a few feet of him. As if he was some kinda ticking time bomb.

  Then again, he kinda was, huh? The last time you’d come near him, he’d tried to stab you in a panic. Maybe you were right to steer clear of him, though the thought of that just made him sad for some reason. 

  He paused and blinked at a mirror that sat at the end of the aisle.

  Huh. That really was what he looked like, all green skin and torn mask tails and neon eyes. 

  He looked tired.

  “Hey Rafa, lookit what I found!” You yelled, and Raph tore himself away from his reflection, dropping his armful of…feminine hygiene products into the cart before following your voice to the paint section.

  “Look dude! Spray paint!” You grinned, bouncing on your feet.

  Raph stared at you blankly, trying to understand your excitement. “Uh…did we…uhm…”

  An image flashed through his head of holding a can of spray paint and stepping back to look at a mural. 

  “...OH! Oh right! I used to like spray painting!” He exclaimed, pleased at the memory. “(Y/N) I remember it!”

  Your eyes widened. “You remember?! Oh Raph this is huge!”

  “...What d’ya say to painting a final mural before we leave the city, for….I dunno, old time’s sake?” Raph said with a hesitant smile.

  “Hell yeah!” You beamed, grabbing as many colors of spray paint as you could and dropping them into the cart. “Dee is in sleep mode so he can’t even stop us!”

  “Yes, I can.” 

  You fell back and dropped your phone. Raph’s fists flew into a fighting stance, observing the phone nervously.

  “Sorry ‘bout the scare guys.” Donnie’s voice chuckled, not sounding even slightly sorry. “I just discovered that I can access you through your phones! I’ll be back in sleep mode soon, I just thought that was a perfect time to test the audio feature.”

  “Wait, you can hear our conversations?” You frowned.

  “Uh….surprise?” Donnie said sheepishly. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t plan on stopping you from spray painting. It actually seems like it could both help Raph’s memory since it’s so familiar, as well as being just…a nice gesture. My one suggestion is that you add some way for Leo, Mikey, Casey, and April to find us, like a coded key to our whereabouts.”

  “Oh. That’s smart.” You said. “But can we get back to how you’ve been eavesdropping this whole time Donald?!”

  “Lalala, going into sleep mode, can’t hear you, lalala…” Donnie said, ever the terrible liar, and disconnected a second later.

  “That little shit.” You said fondly. “If you’re still listening, I love you, Don, but you’re a total jerk.”

  Raph shook his head, feeling the beginnings of a smile on his face. “If you’re still listening, then quit listening, Donatello.”

  But no reply came from the phone, so you shrugged. “Guess he actually is back in sleep mode. C’mon, let’s paint a mural.”

***

  Raph glared at the wall.

  The spray paint had gathered into a messy blob of color that did not look like a mural.

  The paint bottle felt natural in his hand, yeah, and his lines were steady, but they weren’t coming out right. He scowled and tried to cover the blob with a cloud of red, but then it didn’t look like a cloud, it just looked like blood.

  “AUGUHH!” He yelled in frustration, kicking the wall. He jumped back to hold his foot, which was now throbbing in pain. Shit, why was that his instinct?!

  “You good Raph?” You said, looking over from your side of the wall. Your mural looked nice, with a painting of two turtles, a skeleton, and a red haired girl with eyes that seemed to glow. They were all outlined in thick black and colored in vibrant shades, which made them pop against the gray wall.

  “Fine…” He grumbled, rubbing his foot. “I just- I can’t draw or something.”

  You followed his glare toward his bloody smear of a painting.

  “Oh…did you…”

  “Forget? Yeah. I fucking forgot how to draw.” He said with a humorless laugh.

  “Do you…want a crash course? We’ve still got an hour or so before we have to head out…” You offered.

  He shook his head. “No…we don’t have time. …Did you add the message?”

  You nodded, still staring at him sympathetically. “I wrote ‘guys, find us in the healing place- Red, Purple, and (L/N)’. They’ll know what I mean.”

  “The ‘healing place’?” Raph repeated.

  “The farmhouse.” You elaborated. “We went there back when the kraang invaded three years ago. Leo was in a coma for like three months, and y’know…healed. And I think we all kinda healed too. You were kinda the team leader for a bit there…” You trailed off, eyes glazing over as if you were reminiscing about something Raph undoubtedly wouldn’t understand. You shook your head clear. “...but you know, I think they’ll get it. More importantly, I don’t think anyone else will, so we can’t be followed. Not that we have any reason to be followed, I’m just paranoid.” 

  “Aren’t we like…ninjas with like a million enemies or whatever?”

  You snorted. “Kinda, yeah.”

  “...So the idea that we might be followed doesn’t seem that outlandish, right?” Raph ventured.

  “Hm. Thanks for justifying my paranoia, Raphael!” You exclaimed, not looking any happier.

  “...Uh…I’m gonna say you’re welcome, but I get the funny feeling that you don’t actually mean that, huh?” He said sheepishly,

  “No, I…I dunno.” You said with a humorless laugh. “I’m being weird.”

  “It’s literally the end of your world. You should be acting weird, right?” Raph snorted.

  You smiled half-heartedly. “Ya think?”

  “Donnie’s acting weird, I’m acting weird. You can act weird too.” He said matter-of-factly.

  You sighed. “But that’s just the thing. Donnie lost their body. You lost your past. What the hell did I lose? …You know, aside from my friends…and family…and my old life…but you guys lost that too!”

  “I really didn’t. You can’t miss what you don't remember, right?” Raph said with a hollow laugh. “I have no Old World. No old connections. The world we’re in now is basically all I’ve ever known, so if anything, I’ve lost…the least.”

  You stared at him, a discomforting sense of horror in your eyes. You raised your hands as if to set them on his shoulders, but then lowered them instead. 

  “Raph…Fuck. No! You’ve lost everything! Like, way more than I have! At least I still have good memories to go back to, o-of you, of Chompy, of Leo and Casey and Mikey and April…of Mona, Raph, I still have memories of Mona, and you don’t even have that…” You wiped your eyes with your scarf and shook your head. “Shit, man. We’re all going through hell, I shouldn’t bother comparing it.”

  “Yeah….yeah. That’s a good way of lookin’ at it.” Raph sighed.

  “...Who's Mona?” He asked lightly, after a beat of silence.

  You smiled slightly. “Mona Lisa? She’s this really awesome Salamandrian who we met in space.”

  “We went to space?!” Raph said, eyes widening.

  “Yup. It was very convoluted… Anyways, we both had this ridiculous crush on her…she was so cool. She could beat us at fighting easily, but she also was so sweet…ahhh, what a woman.” You said, perking up a bit more. “Anyways, at least she’s safe…She’s in space.”   

  “What else have you guys not told me about my life?!” Raph exclaimed.

  “I promise I’ll tell you everything once life has calmed down a bit, but there is some stuff that I genuinely believe is too much for you right now.” You shrugged.

  “Well it’s my memories, so I don’t think that’s for you to decide.” Raph frowned.

  You opened your mouth, glaring at him, before deflating. “...I…you’re right. It is your memories, Raph. You do deserve the truth. But the truth isn’t always easy or fun or any of that so can we make a compromise?”

  He gestured for you to go ahead.

  You squeezed your hands. “I’ll tell you what you need to know, and if you figure stuff out on your own- which is highly likely- I’ll give ya more details. Deal?” You held out your hand.

  Raph sighed. This was probably the best he was gonna get from you.

  …Also…what was with the hand? 

  Raph frowned, staring at your hand, and took it awkwardly. “Deal?”

  You blinked.

  He blinked.

  “Raph why are you still holding my hand?” You coughed.

  “Oh, was I supposed to-”

  “-Let go, yeah, this is a handshake.”

  “-Weird. You guys are weird.”

  “You still haven’t let go?” You said, but you were smiling.

  Would it be weird if he said he kinda didn’t wanna? Holding your hand felt nice…

  “Uh- right.” He grunted, wrenching his hand out of yours.

***

Day 16.

  “Well, I think we’re all set to go upstate.” Donnie said as he finished checking over the items Raph and you had taken.

  “Cool.” You said softly.

  You’d talked about going upstate for the past two weeks, but as Donnie closed the power-cell powered freezer box, it finally hit you that you were leaving. 

  Like leaving leaving. 

  It wasn’t like there was much of a choice. New York was dangerous, more now than before. You and Raph had even wound up in a mild tussle as you made your way back to the Shellraiser last night.

  There were too many scared humans and animals that had gained sentience and horrifying mindless creatures that looked like body-horror inspired abominations to go anywhere without a fight. And frankly, none of you wanted to deal with that.

  And it didn’t help that Donnie’s sensors weren’t picking up on any habitable land in the general radius. You were sure he wasn’t telling you everything, but he had mumbled something about the soil being full of toxic chemicals and unable to maintain life among…other things.

  Essentially, New York City was dying. But maybe if you were all lucky, the farmhouse would be habitable.

  By which you meant…with good soil. It’d be really really nice if you guys could just…plant seeds for food and hang out there for the rest of eternity. Nice, but unlikely, if you were realistic. Still. It was a spot of hope. 

  Raphael stared at you mournfully as you and Donnie finished preparing the Shellraiser. He did that a lot now, and it always stung about the same- he wanted to remember you, but to him, you were a stranger. 

  You hated feeling like a stranger around the person who’d been closer to you than anyone ever back in the Before Times. 

  Not that you’d told him much. You thought there was kinda a power imbalance now, since you knew so much about Raph and he now knew so little about you. He was vulnerable, and you, being one of the ones who had saved him, had a bit more sway over him than you felt comfortable with. 

  He was catching onto you though, you could see that. He’d understandably demanded answers last night, and although you’d agreed to his terms, you were dreading it. Because how could you tell him that he had been your boyfriend if he didn’t even know who you were? Worse, would he feel like he had to immediately go back to that just to make you feel better?

  You’d described your relationship to him as ‘best friend’, which was more accurate, honestly, considering both you and Raph had been a bit odd around romance, but still. It would probably be more to take in than he could handle right now…

  “So. We ready to get this tin can on the road?” You said finally, leaning over Donnie’s shoulder as they stepped away from the newly pumped tires. 

  “...I believe so.” Donnie said proudly, patting the side of the car. 

  And with that, you gave New York City one final good-bye.

  “Seeya, New York…you were one hell of a town to live in. We….had a lotta fun here.” You said, leaning against the Shellraiser to stare at the cityscape.

  “Goodbye pigeons and manholes and starless skies. I-I’ll miss you.” Donnie said fondly, leaning next to you.

  “And I’ll miss pizza gyoza, my fire escape- heck, I’ll even miss Shredder’s lair and TCRI.” You grinned.

  “What a town.” Donnie said, nodding.

  "Hey guys, this is real sweet, but it’s getting dark.” Raph grunted, poking his head out the door. “Let’s get this freakshow on the road.”

  “...Okay.” You said with a rueful smile.

  “...Yeah, we’re coming.” Donnie sighed, and the two of you headed into the Shellraiser.

***

  By the time the sun had set, you had left the city.

  Raph sat in the passenger seat, eating dry pasta like a heathen, and Donnie sat in the roof hatch running his scanners. You weren’t exactly expecting that he’d find anything positive though.

  As you silently drove up the road, you took note of a few things- first off, there were trees out here, at least. Dead trees, but still trees rather than alien shapes that had loomed over you in New York, which was some relief.  

  Secondly…there was no sign of life. The only noise you had heard since leaving New York was the quiet hum of the Shellraiser’s engine, punctuated by Raphael’s crunching on his fucking dry pasta. (Seriously, that stuff could not be good for his digestive system…)

  Thirdly…your hopes of finding an oasis in all of this were running as dry as the land around you. 

  New York was dead, and Earth wasn’t following too far behind it. 

  Donnie clambored back down from the top lookout with a heavy sigh. 

  “So Doc, what’s the diagnosis?” You said dryly, no bothering to turn around. “Lemme guess- we’re doomed?”

  “Well, my sensors have picked up nothing but toxic chemicals and mutagen. There's no living organic plant forms for miles. I’m not picking up on the signatures of Casey, April, Leo, Mikey, Karai, the Mutanimals, or the (L/N)s. I don’t think the Earth will ever heal from this, and our tech has been basically thrown back to the dark ages.” He paused to heave an even more dramatic sigh, before saying “So does that answer your question?” cheerfully.

  You whistled. “Ouch. So we are doomed.”

  Raph crunched on his pasta and glanced up. “Great. That’s….real great.”

  “Raph, are you eating straight up uncooked tortellini?!” Donnie said, gagging.

  Raph smirked and crunched louder, and you cringed at the sound. 

  “Ugh, must you do that?”

  “It tastes good.” He said innocently.

  “Well don’t come to me for help when you get a stomachache.” Donnie said, disgusted.

  You snorted, and refocused on the road as Donnie continued to complain about Raph’s apoca-licious eating habits.

  Because hey. Maybe you were just headed towards certain doom upstate. Maybe Raph would never remember the past. Maybe the fucking planet was mutated beyond recognition…But hey.

  At least you were with your best friends. 

  Heck, if you ignored the metallic tremor in Donnie’s voice and made Raph’s ever so slightly gentler, you could pretend that this was just another peaceful road trip. Just another night of smiling at Dee and Rafa’s antics, of choosing to unsubtly egg them on, of talking till morning with Raph about shit like life and the future and insecurities, comforting each other in that sweet way the two of you always had.

  Yeah, yeah. You’d pretend it was a night like that.

  And for a bit, you’re nearly convinced that when you woke up tomorrow, everything would be alright.

***

Day 17.

  Everything was not entirely alright.

  The farmhouse was devoid of people, and was shrouded in suspiciously pink clouds that hung lower than clouds usually did. Donnie scanned the air though and only got the usual amount of toxic chemicals, so you guys reluctantly decided it was safe.

  “Woah, looks like this place already got picked clean.” You winced, glancing around the main room. It was mostly empty- everything from the furniture to the photos on the wall had been taken.

   The stairs however, had caved in, but with the help of your grappling hook, you made your way to the top without too much effort.

  The top of the house, by comparison, was full of the homey clutter that you had grown to expect from the healing place. Just being there, surrounded by everyone’s old things and the memories around them, made you breathe a sigh of relief. 

  “Anything up there?” Donnie said from the ground level.

  You smiled, breathing in the air of the place you’d briefly called home. “Everything, Don. Case’s spare eyeliner pens, Leo’s matcha powder, Raph’s forgotten sketchbooks and acrylics…everything.”

  With a bit of effort due to Metalhead’s heavy clunky body, Donnie managed to heave themself upstairs too.

  “Woah. Weird being back here.” He said, and you got the impression that he’d be smiling if they could.

  “How’re ya doin’ down there, Raph?” You said, leaning over the stair rail to see him staring into the living room.

  “I…we watched a dumb cartoon there, right? Uh…Chris Bradford the…Barbarian?” He breathed, as if speaking any louder would shatter his ability to remember.

  You and Donnie glanced at each other, swapping a pair of grins. Well, metaphorically, in Dee’s case.

  “Yeah. Crognard the Barbarian…” You smiled. “But we did watch another show about Chris Bradford!”

  “Awesome, Raph!” Donnie said, pumping their fist.

  “...Cool.” He said softly, putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So…this is the safehouse, then?”

  “Well, ‘safe’ is a strong word…there’s a heck of a lot of danger we got into here last time.” You said, sliding down the stair banister. 

  “Out here in the middle of nowhere?” Raph snorted, turning towards you. “How the hell was this dangerous?”

  “You got mutated into a plant once,” Donnie supplied.

  “Ooh, Bigfoot tried to marry Don,” You grinned.

  “Who’s bigfoot?”

  “This forest cryptid who had a crush on Donnie.” You said with a chuckle.

  “(Y/N), please know that I would be rolling my eyes at you right now if I still had them.” Donnie sighed.

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You said, giving them a mock-salute.

  Raph entered the dining room. “Did anything terrifying happen here?” He said curiously.

  “Hm…Oh yeah. We fought off mutant frogs.” You said, nodding at the memory. “They were all named after conquerors and they hated humans. …One of them talked like Napoleon Dynamite….not that you’d know that reference…”

  “Ha, what?” Raph chuckled. “Our lives sound weird. What other things did we do?”

  “Oh they very much were.” You nodded. “Let’s see…what other shit did we do? Uhm…there was this one time when you got your brain swapped with a kraang, that one was weird.”

  “What exactly is a kraang? You’ve mentioned them before, but…”

  “Oh, right. A kraang looks like- well, here.” You pulled up a photo of a snarling kraang that you’d taken a selfie with. “Voila.”

  “Eww.” Raph cringed. “Why is it like…all goopy and gross?”

  “Evolution, I guess.” You said, wrinkling your nose. “Gnarly, right?”

  “So you’re tellin’ me I got my brain swapped with that thing?!” Raph said incredulously. 

  “Yup. It was pretty freaky seeing your body completely…not-like-you, but hey, we figured it out.” You chuckled.

  “Hey Raph, you might wanna see this!” Donnie said, yelling over the stair rail.

  “Uh, okay…” Raph frowned, heading towards the rope you’d hung over the caved-in stairwell. You followed after him.

  “See, lookit this-” 

  “Hey, this- this is my room!” Raph exclaimed, shoving past Donnie and into the room. “I- I remember this place! I remember sitting there,” He said, pointing at the bed, “And coming this way-” He spun out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom- “And-....oh.” He frowned, opening the bathroom door. “I…I get the weird feeling that somethin’....happened here, huh?” He said softly.

  You winced, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, before thinking better of it. “Yeah. This is where Leo…was in his coma.”

  “...You sat with him every day, Raph, ‘till he healed.” Donnie said gently.

  Raph nodded. “Ha. I…ah…don’t remember that.”

  “Well, you did remember your room, and a piece of your old daily routine, so I’d say this is a win! Robo-high-three!” Donnie said cheerfully, holding up their hand.

  Raph wrinkled his snout “Uh…okay…” He held up his own hand, mirroring theirs,  staring at them with an awkward shrug. “Hello, three? Uh…satisfied?”

  Donnie lowered his hand. “...I shoulda seen that one coming.”

  Raph rolled his eyes, shoving his hand back into his pocket. “Whatever, Don. What was it you called me up here for, anyways?”

  “Your old sketchbook! I know you have the one from the lair, but this one  is full of all the stuff you did here!” Donnie said excitedly, handing Raph the book.

  Raph shrugged and accepted it, flipping through the pages. “Woah. These are pretty nice.” He said, starting to smile a bit.

  “Ooh, can I see?” You asked hopefully.

  “Sure.” Raph nodded, angling the book so you could see the art too.

  This page was full of the planning-stage-sketches for what you recognized to be the painting he’d done on the party van.

  “Oh dude, these rock.” You grinned.

  “Yeah…I just hope I’ll be able to…y’know.” He clenched his hand, giving it a sad stare. “Do them again someday.”

***

Day 20.

  “Well ladies and gentlefolk, turtles and others, I have gathered you all here today to present…The Donbot V.1!” Said Donnie, staring into the mirror. 

    It was a pretty nice design, if they did say so themself. It was taller than Metalhead’s model had been, standing at his usual height of 5 '6-to-5' 8-ish, and was made of a dark green steel he had salvaged back in the city. In a burst of inspiration, they had added purple accent lights.

  For the first time in days, they didn’t feel so wrong about looking into the mirror. The face that stared back at him wasn’t his, really, but it was…closer. The blank face felt somehow more comfortable than Metalhead’s imitation-turtle one.

They shook their head, chuckling to themself slightly. If only he were presenting his invention to a crowd of scientifically minded peers instead of to his friend and his brother. Then he might prepare something flashy and exciting, presentation-wise. 

  But alas, it was the end of the world.

  So instead, he simply glanced at themself one more time before leaving the bathroom, revealing his new body without any fanfare.

  You patted his shell and said they looked ‘rad as hell’. Raph shot him a wary look, but it went away fast, and soon enough Raph was congratulating him too- albeit, with a bit of mild confusion.

  Ironically, the brother that would have once understood better than anyone what it feels like to be in a body you don’t want….just happened to be the brother who had recently forgotten that he usually had dysphoria. 

  Donnie supposed that in a post apocalyptic world where gender was so irrelevant that Raph hadn’t even realized he was trans, it wouldn’t even occur to Raph to be dysphoric. (Hm. Maybe the end of the world had its good sides!)

  But secretly, selfishly, a twisted part of Donnie wished that Raph was still in the state of mind to relate to them. It was unfair, and a cruel thing to wish on his brother. Logically, Donnie knew that. But maybe a part of them wanted to just…feel a little bit more understood. Less like an alien. 

  It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way you and Raph flinched when he entered the room, looking at them like he was some- some thing. Some freak. Maybe a cruel voice in the pits of his now-wire-filled stomach whispered things about how much he wished Raph remembered how it felt, how much a part of him wished you had been mutated in the explosion  so someone, anyone would understand the soul-crushing loneliness of not being in the right body-

  Shit. That was dark. Maybe he was losing more of his humanity than he’d initially theorized-

  Donnie swallowed their thoughts and opened the fridge, only to close it again upon remembering that he was physically incapable of eating,

***

Day 21.

  “AAAAUGHH!” Raph screamed, dropping to his knees on the dead grass. He threw his arms around his stomach- something in his guts felt like something had crawled in there and died and oh shit was this that girl thing?

  “Raph! Are you okay?!” Said Donnie, dropping his bo staff and rushing over.

  “Ow- ow- shit- Donatello, I-I gotta take a -oh- a -ow- a break from practicin’.” Raph grunted, using Donnie’s arm to pull himself up. 

  Time to go fucking deal with this now, he supposed. Just what his stupid life needed right now.

***

Day 24.

  “AAAAIIIEEE!” Raph screeched, chucking the stupid fucking salad prongs across the room.

  “Raph! Dude!” You snapped. “Look, I know you’re frustrated but ya can’t expect to get it right the first time!”

  “Well it’s NOT my first time using sais, is it? Aren’t I supposed to have some kinda muscle memory or whatever?!” He snapped back.

  “Raph, bud, bear with me- you lost your memory, hon’.” You sighed. “You gotta be patient with yourself.”

  “Maybe my self needs to hurry up already.” Raph said, crossing his arms. 

  See, it would be one thing if he’d entirely forgotten how to use his sais. But the thing was- he did remember. He remembered the feeling of their leather, he remembered spinning them and smirking at himself in the bathroom mirror, he remembered holding them in his fists and destroying things and how satisfying it was- but he couldn’t do those things anymore.

  It was just as fucking pointless to try as drawing had been.

  Shit, there were tears in his eyes.

  “You okay, Rafa?” You said gently, doing that annoying thing you did where you reached for him. He always let himself hope that you would actually follow through with it this time…he wasn’t sure why, exactly, but it always felt like a stab to his metaphorical heart everytime you lowered your hand instead of patting him on the shoulder or squeezing his hand or giving him a hug or anything oh good lord he’d take anything- You lowered your hand again, and yet again he felt something shatter in his chest. (Why did he still bother to hope? He’d just thrown his sais in anger. Of course you were nervous around him.)

  He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, (Y/N). I’m fine.”

  “...Okay…well…I’m here to talk if you need me, y’know?” You said, smiling softly.

  “I don’t wanna talk.” He grumbled. I want a hug, I want warmth, I want someone to say everything is gonna be okay-

  You nodded, staring at him sadly. “...Okay.”

  You left the makeshift dojo, leaving him alone with the blank walls of what had once been a living room.

  Raph wiped his eyes and glared at your retreating figure, half-aware that his anger was misplaced. It wasn’t like you’d done anything other than be understanding and supportive…but still.

***

Day 25.

  “BACK OFF!” Raph yelled, glaring at the robot.

  “Raph, it’s okay, it’s me, your brother! Donatello!”

  Raph had brothers?

  …No, that didn’t sound right- this robot was probably here to hurt him- a vague memory of fighting a similar robot flashed through his mind, reaffirming his certainty that this thing was bad and dangerous and wanted to hurt him-

  He bit back a whimper as the robot got closer, instead snarling as viciously as he could. “Get away from me ya fucking toaster.”

  The robot stepped back.

  Huh. The…robot stepped back…?

  The robot in his memory shifted into a turtle with a worried look on his face and a gap in their teeth and a purple mask.

  Donatello.

  Oh…right. This was Donatello. His brother. He was at the farmhouse with you and Donatello….Donatello who was a robot now.

  “Shit.” Raph mumbled, staring at the robot that was Donatello. “I…I did it again, huh?” 

  “RAPH! DEE! Jeez, are you guys okay?! I heard yellin’ and-'' You said, slamming the door open. The kitchen door. Raph was in the kitchen. The farmhouse kitchen.

  “Just…another incident. Don’t worry about it.” Raph muttered sullenly, wiping the spit off his mouth that he must’ve gotten from all the animalistic hissing.

  “Ah.” You said. “Are you both…okay then?”

  Donnie nodded wordlessly, ducking out of the room with his head down and shoulders slumped.

  Raph scowled, hugging his knees to his chest. “Same as I usually am, I guess.”

  “So…not great?” You frowned.

  “Not great.” He confirmed.

  “Ah.” You leaned forwards hesitantly, hand outstretched. 

  This time Raph didn’t even flinch when you inevitably lowered it and followed Donatello out of the room. He just shoved his face into his kneepads and tried really hard not to cry.

***

  Donnie slipped outside, staring out at the wasteland that used to be a forest.

  Raph had forgotten him again. 

  Honestly, they didn’t know why it hurt so much. It wasn’t the first or even the second or third time Raph had forgotten him…but Raph went into the feral mode around Donnie way more than he did around you. 

  And logically, Donnie knew exactly why that was. You looked the same as you always did, albeit more battered and less smiley, while he, Donnie, looked entirely different. He was entirely different. 

  His sensors picked you up behind him on the porch.

  “Hey.” They said glumly.

  “Hey Dee.” You said, sitting on the porch steps next to him.

  “I don’t think the world will ever heal again, (Y/N).” Donnie said softly. 

  Your eyes grew glossy (although maybe they already had been), and you looked away from them. “...I know.”

  “I miss everyone so much.” He whispered.

  “Me too.” 

  “Casey and I first became friends in that barn…April kissed me by the stump…” He said, trailing off. He put a hand on his face, remembering where Casey had first kissed him. That had also been at the farmhouse…

  God, they missed Casey and April.

  You nodded. “Me and Raph once buried a dead turtle over there…it used to be the prettiest part of the yard.” You said bitterly, pointing towards the spot where the pond had been just a month ago. Now it was reduced to another patch of dry, dying grass.

  “So it was a turtle? I thought you guys killed someone.” Donnie said, only half joking- They remembered vaguely how he’d walked in on Leo lecturing a guilty-looking you and Raph on ‘honorability’ one morning. They’d glanced outside to see a suspicious grave outside that hadn’t been there the night before, and put two and two together…nice to know that it was just an unmutated turtle.

  “Yeah…Raph thought it was like, a blow to his masculinity or something to tell you guys that he cared about animals.” You said with a snort. 

  “Well that’s stupid, we all know he loved animals. He was like a Disney princess around them.” Donnie said, shaking their head. 

  “Yeah…very true.” You smiled. 

  “What do you plan on doing about your whole….thing with Raph, anyways?” They said, changing the subject in hopes of distracting their thoughts from existential dread.

  You sighed, running a hand down your face. “Fuck, man. I don’t know. Like…I love him so much, but it’s not fair for me to right now. He’s vulnerable and scared and doesn’t even know who we are half the time…how can I put the pressure of a relationship, or even the implications of a past relationship, on him right now? That’s just…so unfair. Plus, we’re the only people he has right now. What if he thinks not liking me will mean us…like, kicking him out or something fucked up like that? What if he tries to force himself to feel the same just out of guilt? What if-”

  “Well first off, overthinking things? That’s my job, stay outta my turf.” Donnie teased. You smiled slightly. “Secondly- who says you have to tell him? Because you really don’t.”

  “Well, he’s not dumb, Don- he’s figured out that I’m hiding something.” You said dryly.

 “Are you though? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been fairly honest about things- he’s your best friend. He always was. Just say ‘yeah we were like close or something’, you know? It’s not like you guys ever kissed or anything, at least not much, so it’s not much of a stretch.” Donnie suggested.

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess you’re right…who knew you were so good with relationship advice?”

  “Nah, I just know you and Raph pretty well.” He chuckled.

  You smiled, putting an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. “Thanks Don.”

  “Hey, thanks for distracting me from my existential dread.” They snorted, hugging you back.

***

  Day 35.

  “What if I can’t feel feelings?” Said Donnie, lying awake next to you.

  “Hnnghh…Go to sleep Donnie.” You grunted, pulling your blanket tighter around your shoulders.  It may have been more secure and safe to have all three of you stationed in the Shellraiser rather than the house, but man, between Raph’s snoring and Donnie’s shitty sleep schedule that you knew full well he had programmed himself to have, it certainly made sleeping hard.

  “But what if this is all a dream! What if I died and this is a severely messed up dream I’m having in my last few minutes of life?”

  “Shut up Donatello.” Raph groaned, trying to muffle Don’s voice with a blanket.

  “What if I'm in a coma and I’m dreaming this and the Earth is actually fine?”

  “Go to sleep, broooo…” You moaned, covering your ears with a pillow.

  “I don’t usually go into sleep mode for another…mmm…two hours.” Donnie said. “Damn…sleep mode! (Y/N), I’m not a person anymore, am I?!”

  “Donatello. Buddy. Pal. I love you dearly. You are a beautiful,  fantastic, brilliant person. Let me fucking sleep.” You hissed.

  “...Mmm…Okay. G’night.” There was a click, and Don-bot powered down.

  “Oh thank god.” Raph grunted, shoving his face into his pillow.

  He proceeded to snore incredibly loudly.

  You groaned. 

***

  You blinked your eye open at the sudden silence.

Raph had somehow wound up with his arms tightly wrapped around your arm in his sleep. He was shivering, which made sense considering the cold.

  You were tempted to pry him off so that he wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable when he woke up. But he looked so peaceful, and you missed this…

  Plus you were too tired to do anything. So maybe you’d let him stay…

  You’d pry him off before morning though.

***

Day 37.

  Raph was pretty sure that Past Raph had had the hots for you. He’d finished reading through his old sketchbook, and it was full of little paragraphs in the margins and crossed out text where he could just barely make out the word ‘(Y/N)’. 

  He supposed it made sense. He may not have remembered too much of his life, but he had a decent recollection of what pretty people looked like- and you definitely fit that category. Plus, you were funny and cool and sweet….not that it mattered much nowadays. 

  After all, Past Raph and Current Raph’s circumstances were vastly different. So maybe a part of him was tempted to bug you for more info…but he knew enough to just let it be. 

  That was the Old World. 

  In the New World, trivial things like relationship status mattered very little. 

  (Still, was it really asking so much to have someone who’d hug him? Was he so wrong to wish for a hand on the shoulder once or twice, the way you always were in those goddamned photos?)

  (Meh, probably.)

  He hugged himself, staring up at the ceiling. 

  “Oh hey, you’re awake!” You grinned, poking your head into the Shellraiser. “Mornin’ Sleeping Beauty! Breakfast is inside if you want it.”

  Raph sat up slowly. “Okay…”

  “How’re you doing?” You said as you led him across the yard. It was still cold and dark out, and Raph shivered.

  “...Tired.” He grunted.

  “Understandable.” You nodded. “I’ve been pretty tired too, but it’s so hard to sleep when it’s so freakin’ cold at night and like, a million degrees the instant the sun rises.” You complained, passing him a plate of eggs from the remaining unmutated chickens. 

  “Says you, the one who's warm-blooded.” Raph teased.

  “Oh shit, you must be so cold at night!” You said, seeming to have just remembered that Raph was a reptile. 

  “Freezing.” Raph nodded. 

  “Maybe Don can build a heat lamp!” You suggested. “They’re still in sleep mode right now, but we can ask when he wakes up.”

  Raph perked up. “Wait, that exists?”

  “Yeah, shit- I can’t believe I didn’t think of that like…forever ago. I guess I forgot that you’re cold-blooded…and now that Donnie is…non-blooded, it must’ve slipped their mind too…I’m so sorry Rafa!” You exclaimed.

  “Wait. So this WHOLE TIME I could’ve NOT frozen my tail off every night?!” Raph groaned.

  You shrugged weakly. “...Yup.

  “This is so stupid.” He sighed, stabbing his eggs with one of his sais.

  “Dude…you're using that as a fork?” You cringed.

  Raph scowled. “Well it’s not like I know how to use it as a weapon anymore.”

  “But…but…Raph you have stabbed through people with those! There is no way that that’s even slightly sanitary!” You squeaked.

  He shrugged and ate his breakfast off the end of the sai. 

  You looked ill. “You are… such a teenage boy. Please stop.”

  He sighed but swapped the sai for a fork. “Okay, okay. Jeez.”

  “Thank you.” You groaned, patting his shoulder unconsciously.

  And suddenly it felt like his brain had short circuited.

  Oh god, he remembered you. 

  How could he have ever forgotten you?! All the memories shot into his brain at record speed- sitting on a fire escape with your arm around his shoulders, spray painting the side of TCRI, making fun of Casey and Donnie’s crushes on April, beating up bad guys, the look on your face- that toothy grin that you never ever wore theses days, a familiar hand resting comfortingly on his shoulder- and oh god, he remembered you!

  “I- I…(F/C)!” He gasped. You jerked your hand away guiltily, but he caught it before you could. “(Y/N). Your favorite color is (F/C)!”

  “W-what?” You said, eyes wide.

  “(Y/N) I remember! I-I remember you! Not everything probably, but- but I remember you!” He exclaimed, gripping your hands in his.

  Your eyes widened even further. “Raph, you- what?!”

  He grinned and hugged you to his chest as tightly as he could. Tentatively, you relaxed into it, rubbing his shell gently.

  “I remember you!” He exclaimed. 

  You nodded, still looking baffled. “Like…what?”

  “I remember how we met- I fell onto your fire escape! A-and I remember eating breakfast here with you and talking about…well, something, probably, but it was definitely here at this table! And I remember…I had this pet turtle, right? I think his name was…Slash? No! Spike! Slash was the mutant…? Whatever! I remember you sitting….uh…there, by that broken window, and I drew this picture!” He grinned, holding up a page in his sketchbook. It was a portrait of you, with soft shading and a bold outline. 

  “Woah, Raph?! You just- remember all this?!” You said, still staring in disbelief.

  “Bits and pieces, yeah- I think it was ‘cause you…you know, touched me. It’s like…muscle memory? I dunno. Might hafta ask Donnie…”

  “Raph!” You grinned, hugging him tightly. “I just- wow! This is so cool, I-”

  “Woah, are we interrupting somethin’?” Said a familiar voice.

  You and Raph jolted into defensive positions, hopping up to face the person-

  And then your brain seemed to short-circuit.

  “Casey?” You squeaked. “CASEY!”

  “(Y/N)! RAPH! Dude I can’t believe we finally found you!” Casey shrieked just as loud, diving in to grab you and Raph in a messy group hug.

  You grinned, hugging your friends close. “Casey Jones, I’m so glad you’re okay- fuck man, I thought you must’ve gotten kraang-ifed…”

  Raph pulled away, staring at Casey. “You’re…the skeleton dude- Casey Jones?”

  “Uh, no duh- who else would I be?! Casey Jones is in the flesh babeeyy!” He grinned, pumping his fist.

  “Raph…uh…hit his head in the mutagen bomb, Case’.” You mumbled, and Casey’s grinning facade shattered.

  “Oh. Shit.” He said, staring at Raph. “Do you remember…like…anything?”

  Raph shrugged dejectedly. “...Some of it. I remember…you and I would spray paint, I think? I remember a lotta (Y/N) apparently…I’ve got some vague recollections of Donatello, mostly their nerd-stuff…”

  “Jeez man. That’s…depressing as fuck.” Casey said, blunt as he’d always been.

  “Yeah.” Raph grunted.

  “So…is it just you?” You asked, fearing the worst.

  “Naw, I just found you guys first.” Casey  smiled. “Red n’ Angel are searching upstairs…but I hear them coming down right….now.” He said, nodding right as the sound of two people tripping and falling off the treacherous stair-rope Donnie had installed.

  “Oooh.” You and Casey winced.

  “How ‘bout you? Any sign of the others? …Where’s Donnie?” Casey’s voice lowered for the latter, in an anxious tremor.

  “Dee’s….fine. They just…look different than they did last time…you saw them. And…they’re pretty insecure about it.” You mumbled.

  “Casey! Casey, we found evidence of someone upstairs- (Y/N)?! Raph!” April said, running into the kitchen as she noticed you. “You guys are here!”

  “C’mon O’Neil, rule one of bein’ a ninja is ‘Don’t ever question the vague instructions you get from graffiti’. Didja ever doubt it?” You teased, grinning.

  “I-I was so worried, guys! I thought that since my psychic powers stopped working-”

  “Woah, how’d that happen?”

  “Too many big auras now. They’re impossible to tell apart…trying just gives me a headache.” April explained. “But I thought it meant that you might’ve been dead…” She whispered, and Casey put an arm around her shoulders.

  “Woah. So this is your turtle, Case’?” Said a new voice, and a teenage cat mutant leaned into the kitchen. “Hi.”

  Raph only grunted in response, and the cat mutant that must’ve been Angel nodded. “Fair.”

  “So where is Dee then?” Casey said.

  “Shellraiser. In…uh…sleep mode.” You said. “I’ll go get him…but would you guys mind…shit this sounds wimpy. But could you guys…come with me?” You muttered. A part of you was 100% convinced that the instant you left them they would all fade away.

  But Casey, who would usually make fun of you for such a childish request, slung his other arm around your shoulders- and you realized he probably felt exactly the same. 

  “Sure thing.” He said, smiling softly.

  “Thanks guys.” You beamed.

  You were finally smiling the way you did in the photographs.

  Raph couldn’t help but smile too. 

***

  When Donnie woke up from sleep mode on Day 37 of the Mutant Apocalypse, he was greeted by four familiar faces- two of which were the only faces he’d seen at all in the past month, and two of whom were what convinced him that they were probably somehow dreaming. 

  But they were a robot, and dreaming wasn’t physically possible anymore.

  So that meant this must, somehow, be real.

  “Hey Donnie.” Said April, smiling at him, and he wanted to cry even though he didn’t have eyes.

  “‘Sup Don.” Said Casey, grinning his gap-toothed grin that looked so much like Donnie’s old one.

  “You’re here.” Donnie whispered, feeling his new antennae shoot up. “Holy chalupa you’re HERE?!” 

  You smiled, helping him up. “Hey Dee, I forgot to tell ya- we’ve got company.”

  Donnie stared at the humans. They were here. He had so many questions, but most importantly-

  “D’you guys like the new look?” He chuckled, only half joking.

  Casey shrugged. “It’s different, but it looks metal as fuck.”

  “Yeah that’s ‘cause it is metal, ya meathead.” Said Raph, smiling.

  “It looks so cool Dee.” April said, smiling warmly. 

  Donnie really really wished they could still emote right about now, because the dopey grin that they would have grinned for that was unreal.

***

Day 40.

  You and Raph lay on the roof of the farmhouse, watching the red sun set, leaving the sky that weird glowing purple color that it had begun to adopt.

  (It really did remind you of some of those old Space Heroes episodes.) 

  “I really miss the stars.” You said lightly. “But I guess this is sorta pretty too, huh? In like…a weird way.”

  “Hey, isn’t that true for all of this shit?” Raph said. “I really miss the stuff in those photos, those glimpses I get of the life we had before…but hey. In a weird…sort of fucked up way…this life is kinda nice too. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really frustrating, I hate my brain most of the time, and I’m like 90% convinced that I’ll never really be the same person…but at least I’m not alone in it, y’know?” He sighed.

  You took his hand, squeezing it gently, and he squeezed back, and continued. “I’ve got you and Donnie. I guess now I’ve got Casey, Angel, and April too, and if they survived, who's to say my brothers didn’t?”

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess if we’re out here on this road to nowhere, there’s no one who I’d rather have on my side.” You chuckled half-heartedly. “Still sucks though.”

  “Yeah, it really does.” Raph agreed.

  You smiled and pulled him into a side hug, suddenly swallowed by bittersweet nostalgia for those days when the biggest threat was Shredder.

  But hey, Raph had a point. 

  At least the outcome, well perhaps a huge downgrade from the breathtaking beauty of the stars, was still sorta pretty.

  At least you were on the road to nowhere together.

***

Author's note: I am so glad that Mutant Apocalypse was made into an AU. If it had wound up as the canon ending, that would be...messed up, man. But I like it as an AU, and I hope you've enjoyed journeying through it with me- it's a sad sad ride, but boy did I have fun writing it.

#tmnt x reader #tmnt 2012 x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph x reader #raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph #2k12 raph x reader #2k12 raph #mutant apocalypse #tmnt apocalypse au #trans raph

[dlrconlicense]

MY CULTURAL FIRSTS

Louise Brealey: My first kiss with Sherlock’s Benedict Cumberbatch

The actor and writer on taking acid at her first gig, meeting Michael Caine – and the moment she knew the BBC detective drama was going to be huge

Louise Brealey

LEO STAAR

Jake Helm

Sunday November 12 2023, 12.13am GMT, The Sunday Times

First concert I went to

I would like to say an unknown band called Blur in a tiny tent at Reading in 1994, but I accidentally took my first and very much last acid tab off an apprentice plumber called Tony from Swansea and watched the The on the big stage instead. It was all fine until the music started to creep up from the grass right up my legs and I was surrounded by terrifying gargoyles.

First pop-inspired fashion trends I adopted

I’m afraid I was a relentlessly unfashionable child. I was a square and listened to 10cc I’m Not in Love and The Eagles’ Desperado on repeat. I did love Robert Smith [from the Cure] but I didn’t wear enormous jumpers until my twenties.

First time I realised the BBC drama Sherlock was going to be a huge hit

The read-through was electric, which is not normal. Usually, it’s nerve-jangling because everyone is terrified they’re going to be sacked. A few weeks later I was watching the scene where Benedict first stuck his head round the lab door and said to Martin Freeman: “The name is Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221b Baker Street.” And I thought, yes it is. But really, I realised it was going to be huge when I was on early Twitter and the show went off. When Sherlock kissed [my character] Molly I got 60,000 followers in an hour.

Louise Brealey as Molly Hooper, right, and the cast of Sherlock

TODD ANTONY/BBC

First TV show I enjoyed

Like everyone at school I was obsessed by Jim’ll Fix It. I put two letters into one envelope to double my chances. One was to ask to meet John Travolta because I’d seen him star in The Boy in the Plastic Bubble, a film in which he plays this kid that can’t step outside a little plastic tent or he’ll die. The other was asking to meet the pop star Paul Young — I figured I had a better chance with him because he was from Luton. At least I didn’t do what my brother did and write to Jimmy Savile to ask to meet Rolf Harris.

First film I saw at the cinema

The first film I saw on my own at the pictures was Stand by Me at The Point in Milton Keynes. I had seen River Phoenix in the video for Ben E King’s single on Top of the Pops and was utterly love-struck. That was it. River was the only one for me. I still think River was the great acting talent of his generation.

First time I cried at the cinema

Watership Down. That was actually the first film I saw at the cinema. At the Palace in Wellingborough, when I was five or six. It was the first time I had any clue that creatures die. I was very affected by it — I called my next rabbit Bright Eyes.

First actor I admired

Joan Greenwood in Kind Hearts and Coronets. She was the single most beautiful woman I’d ever seen — and I was fascinated by her voice. I also loved Richard Burton’s voice, mainly because he narrated The War of the Worlds, my dad’s favourite album. I wanted to marry Richard Burton so I could listen to him all day long.

First thing I did to embody my new character Deb in Such Brave Girls

I started with her voice. I wanted to use the Northamptonshire accent. It’s the land of my birth and how my whole family talks except for me because I was a scholarship kid at a posh school, and I’ve never worked in it before. And then the clothes — Deb is obsessed with being feminine, so with her costumes it’s often about the cleavage. I think of her as a wily street rat in dangly earrings.

First famous person I met

I didn’t meet anyone famous until my first proper job, which was as a film journalist. The most exciting thing to happen was to go to a film set and sit in Michael Caine’s trailer. He asked: “Would you like to marry me?” I blushed and started stammering at him. And then he politely pushed a little dish of Murray Mints in my direction and I realised that he’d actually said: “Would you like a Murray Mint?”

#Louise Brealey #Such Brave Girls #BBC3 #A24 #Sherlock

[infranuz]

hello!! may i request something for leo tsukinaga? like how his s/o (gn) would react to seeing him and the rest of knights doing their fan service at the end of a live. like being his s/o became jealous of how flirty leo was being towards their fans and leo noticed and couldn’t stop teasing them about it <3

thx in advance and sorry if it doesn’t make sense 😭

JEALOUS ?!

★ ; leo tsukinaga x gn!reader

▬▬ jealous very jealous

AAAA THIS IS SO CUTE >.< i love writing for leo, i love this request sm ty for requesting anon i hope you enjoy it!! <33 i tried to get his character as much as I could!!

As Knights performed their last song of the day they made their way back stage and out to greet fans. Heading to the long line of people you stood besides the line looking through the crowd to meet those light green eyes you loved so much.

Leo Tsukinaga, the energetic forgetful guy who you were dating was standing there greeting his fans with a bright smile, you couldn’t help but stare. As you stood there waiting for the line to grow smaller (which would obviously take hours) you overheard some girls talking.

“Leo? I would do anything to go out with him! Have you seen how energetic and sweet he is?” “Tell you what, I’ll ask for his number when it’s my turn to greet him!” The girls laughed and smiled with blush on their cheeks. Of course like any other reasonable person you got upset with those words. It was obvious you would have to get used to hearing those kinds of things, I mean it is Leo Tsukinaga we are talking about!

Knowing Leo he would joke it off and continue on, but lately he had become a little too flirty with his fans. Brushing it off you thought no more of it, leo loves you he would never! Anyway it would be a while until those girls got to the start of the line.

You looked up from your phone to see your boyfriend once again making small conversation with the girls in front of him. It was the same interaction for each one of them. Watching as each went by every idol getting specially excited when they got to their favorite member. Mostly it was for Arashi and Izumi, specially Arashi, you really looked up to the beautiful idol.

To be truly honest, to you having to see him act so friendly and flirty with others wasnt a very cute sight. You would have rather be in their place having his attention all the time. Being lost in thought for so long didn’t make you realize how much the line had grown smaller. The girls from earlier were about to greet Leo, but even after reassuring yourself it still made you nervous.

This time you watched as the girls approached him and reached to grab his hand. Leo saw this and smiled, he made eye contact with you for the first time since you had arrived. He just smirked and winked at you, this was just to tease you in the smallest way possible.

You watched him as he looked at the girl in her eyes and smiled reaching over her hand to land a kiss on the palm. The girl immediately gasped and looked away with a clear blush on her face. He did that on purpose for his own entertainment.

Still staring at him you saw as he gave the girl a piece of paper. A small action that immediately sent you into a panic, maybe you were wrong after all. With guilty-ish looks from the members they sighted and continued.

While you were still thinking and having a panic attack you failed to notice your boyfriend staring at you. He was giggling and blushing at how cute you looked jealous, now he had a real good reason to tease you. <3

Eventually the girls passed by you looking disappointed. They dropped the paper and exited the building. You hurried to catch a glimpse at what it said “Thank you for supporting me! <3”

The biggest sigh of relief you let out was hilarious, needless to say you would have to scold your boyfriend after all of this was over!

“I saw that look in your face you know” The first words leo said to you when you got to talk to him after 3 long hours. “You look cute when you’re jealous” He smiled at you with that innocent look that screamed “I did absolutely nothing”

“What look! Me jealous? Please!” You looked away from him not wanting to be the victim of his endless teasing. “You’re making it up to me though, don’t think you’ll get away with what you did” “It’s only part of my job” he sighed sadly.

“Yeah, yeah I know that” as you turned around you took his hand and hugged him. “You still owe me tho” he could only laugh and agree.

#miomik #★ ; 𝐦.𝐰 #ensemble stars x reader #leo tsukinaga #leo tsukinaga x reader #knights x reader #enstars #enstars x reader #x reader #knights enstars #leo tsukinaga enstars #sfw blog

[opheliawillowbrook]

@bea2607 and @mezgkq

If we're going for everyone's "canon" sign (which canon seemingly means nothing these days, courtesy of DC and their antics. Not to mention the slew of trash writers reconning everything and imprinting their own basis onto characters (but that's a different conversation entirely lol) then sure: Damian is a Leo which makes sense. Raven being a Libra works too.

However, if I’m going off my own personal take, cause this is Tumblr, and that’s what we’re all here for. Then Damian is an in my opinion an Aries with a Leo moon, if I’m gonna get technical. For example the key personality difference are similar, but just slightly different.

Core Being

Aries - The most passionate (I personally find Damian to be more passionate than people give him credit for. But that could be my personal bias. He tends to hold firm in his beliefs and is reluctant to change them and will go out of his way to prove his point. Meaning, he HAS to be right. We lead from the head.)

Leo - The most fierce (Damian is without a Doubt fierce. As a fighter, he’s cut-throat. I.e. kill or be killed. Leos make great friends, but they’re also great opportunists, and who better to than the son of Batman and one Talia al Ghule, am I right? )

That being said, Aries is also a very opportunistic zodiac sign. In fact, we’re the best. I’m not proud of that, but we definitely feel the need to be number one and be the best, and we’re hella competitive and easily the most vengeful of the signs in the zodiac calender. Do not make enemies of us. We will kill you. Straight up ruin your entire life because we fucking LOVE to HATE shit! ARIES AIN'T THE GOD OF WAR FOR NOTHING. We make vengeance a hobby, because we can--we’ve mastered our crazy, and we’re good at. Like everything. If that doesn’t sound like Damian, then I’ve been writing him wrong this whole time lol.

Weakness:

Aries - Hot-tempered (Yes we are)

Leo - Bossy (Yes you are)

Both of these are Damian to a T. I’m not even gonna explain, we all know.

Strongest suit:

Aries - Ambition ( Damian is easily the most ambition, Robin and Titan. Ambition becomes him. It's literally in his Demon blood)

Leo - Generosity (For sake of argument, Damian is and can be generous, but not before being a total dick. Unless he loves you. As most of us are aware, Damian does have a “kind and generous soul” to, quoth the Raven. Which lends itself to the structure of his likability and character growth.)

As a Team:

Aries- (Cardinal) "Okay, here's what we gonna do." I feel like this Damian to a T. Take control, be the leader, act with no hesitation because he knows he has a plan B, and he's a cocky little shit. It might not work perfectly, but Damian’s confident, sometimes overly so. Did I mention that Damian's wicked cocky?

Leo - (Fixed) - "I will arrange the meeting and let's stick with the plan A." This to me feels more like Cassie Sandmark who’s a moral busybody. Damian will definitely tell you how he feels and point out that you're wrong, but he’s not a Karen.

At party:

Aries - *Drunk and ready to fight anyone*

Leo - *Heads to the center stage cheerfully and does theatrical stunts*

I’ll you be the Judge, juror and Executioner.

In a fight:

Leo - Tells Sagittarius "why do you have to be so criticizing?"

Sagittarius - Tells Leo "why do you have to be so self-centered?"

Aries - "You both have a problem. You two wanna fight me? Come on, I'm ready. (Aries live for this shit. Like we’re waiting for any excuse to pop off. Worse, we can justify it to ourselves. Personally, I think Damian is more likely to act on this take. Let's face it, there's war in his soul.

So yeah. Y’ll can take from this analysis (if we can call the incoherent ramblings of a chicken keeping, hairstylist such a thing.) I personally, as an Aries, feel justified in my arguments, because I’m an Aries and there’s not hope for me. But that doesn’t mean anyone has to agree. We all have our own takes, and that’s the beauty of fanfiction. We don’t adhere to canon, and we don’t have to.

With Love Ophelia.

#damirae #teen titans #damian wayne #damian al ghul #raven teen titans #justice league dark apocalypse war #dcamu #teen titans judas contract #raven #damian x raven

[tokusaatsus]

HI HI POOKIE CONGRATS ON 300!!!!! U DESERVE ALL THAT N MORE MWAH MWAH (wipes tear... they age so fast)

aside from that im here for the event aswell >:) Q R W with natsume leo and tsukasa if i may request !!!! if you dont feel up to it feel free to change the characters or ignore! congrats once again <3

SAKASAKI NATSUMI, SUOU TSUKASA & TSUKINAGA LEO + Q, R, W

warnings: mild mentions of guilt/unhealthy coping mechanisms (leo)

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Despite Natsume’s lax personality, he’s actually quite good at remembering things. Though he may act like it slips his mind, he will never mention it ever but he’s trained himself to memorise all those important dates–like your anniversaries, birthdays, etc. He might not be as good at recalling everything about you, but he does his very best to at least keep the things that he or you deem important in mind. Your favourite food, your favourite colour, your likes and dislikes–and so on and so forth. Though it may not seem like it, he hoards all the information you tell him, treasuring every part of you that you share with him, because it comes from you. 

The minute you say something, rest assured that Tsukasa is noting it down–mentally, if not physically. A compendium of notes in a small booklet that he carries around everywhere, containing nearly everything you’ve ever told him about yourself. He takes care to memorise as much as he can–and it’s enough that, if tested, he can rattle off a rapid list of information pertaining to you. It’s cute, honestly. This is his first time being in a relationship, and Tsukasa doesn’t want you to ever feel underappreciated. He cares for you, truly, and he does his best to show it to you by paying attention. And if you remember things about him, you’re guaranteed to make him smile and blush.

When it comes to this, Leo’s funny because his brain is almost always on overdrive. He’s constantly thinking about something or the other, composing countless melodies in his head, that anything he’s told goes in one ear and out the other. Oh, sure, he tries to pay attention but, well–it’s hard. However, that’s not to say that Leo doesn’t remember anything about you, he does. It’s just… Leo’s the kind of person who doesn’t know your favourite colour, but knows the name of your third-grade teacher. He knows all your obscure knowledge. It’s endearing, really, when you think that he at least made an effort to learn about you–even if he still doesn’t know your favourite colour.

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Natsume’s favourite moment is when you confessed to him. You were so cute, stuttering slightly as you told him, I like you! It had made his heart skip a beat, watching your eyes dart here and there, as though you couldn’t bear to meet his gaze–like you were afraid of rejection. But how could Natsume ever say no to you? The way you smiled tentatively as he accepted, replying to your declaration of love with a confession of his own, is something he’ll never forget. A memory that is always circling in his thoughts. Of course, it definitely helps that he got to kiss you afterwards–got to taste your chapstick and hear you giggle against his mouth.

Leo’s favourite moment is any moment when you’re paying attention to him. He likes resting his head in your lap, like a spoiled cat, while you pet his hair as he rambles to you about his day or vice versa. Just being able to spend time with you is calming to him, soothing the nervous energy that circulates through his blood, like he’s just taken a shot of espresso. When you look at him, he feels seen. He knows you’re a busy person, but that only makes it all the more special when you take time out of your schedule to be with him. Staying with you, no matter where in the world you are, is something Leo feels he could do forever and never get tired.

Tsukasa’s favourite moment is when he gets to shed the pretenses and simply be himself with you. There’s no specific scenario, to be honest. He just likes spending time with you–not as the Leader of Knights or the Suou Heir, but just… Tsukasa. Your Tsukasa. And he thinks he might like that part of him best. The one that gets to hold your hand, that gets to go on dates with you, that gets to kiss you…! Any time that he’s with you is important to him, is special to him. As long as he’s with you, he’s content. He’s happy to do anything, so long as it’s you who’s next to him as he does it. Being with you is one of the pleasures of Tsukasa’s life–one that he wouldn’t trade for anything.

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

Natsume wouldn’t necessarily feel incomplete without you. He’d feel a little empty, sure, but it’s not like it’s something time won’t fix. He’s not the kind of person to give love too much importance, so he’d be more calm about it. He’d miss you, definitely, but he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. If you ever break up, it’d take him a while to get over it, but he’d manage in the end. Natsume would try to treat you the same, and not act like there are any problems that stem from his lingering feelings, but he’d be good at putting them aside if he deems it necessary. He’d force himself not to think too much about it, only allowing himself to indulge in nostalgia when he’s feeling especially down.

For Leo, who’s the kind of person to love unconditionally and passionately and with wild abandon, he’d feel hollow. Not incomplete per se, but something similar. He’d blame himself at first–for not being good enough, for not convincing you to stay, for all those things–and he’d self-isolate. From you especially. Keeping away from the thing that hurt him, hiding himself away as much as possible. Being around you reminds him too much of how things used to be, which is a constant ache now, and Leo is a master of not dealing with things healthily. He’d probably just keep avoiding you for as long as possible, not giving any chance for either you or him to talk your issues out.

Tsukasa would feel guilty. His first relationship crumbling? And so easily? Was it…was it something he did? Not incomplete, but he’d feel awful. A sick sort of feeling, a persistent ache that won’t go away, that won’t leave him alone. Heartbreak, Narukami-senpai would tell him, a wise look on her face and Tsukasa thinks, oh. Maybe his heart is breaking…? Interactions with you after that would be awkward, because he isn’t quite sure how to treat you, other than not like a lover and not like a stranger, leading to a strange mix of overly-familiar and overly-distanced. He wants to ask you why, but he doesn’t want to ruin this carefully crafted equilibrium, so he just stays silent.

notes!

WC: 1.1k words

reze txt HI NATSUME TYSM <3 ILY ILY SM OMG !?!??! ofc u can request babyyyy i hope u enjoy ur skrunklies !! here they are !! at long last !! tysm again and mwah mwah <33

#⭐️...reze's 300 follower event! #✒️…scribbles! #sakasaki natsume x reader #suou tsukasa x reader #tsukinaga leo x reader #enstars x reader #sakasaki natsume #suou tsukasa #tsukinaga leo #switch #knights #enstars

[angelkitty54]

I really need to get back into the habit of writing down all these little fic ideas I have... Keep getting so distracted by other things and forgetting stuff.

Anywizzle, bunny Usagi getting mutated! I kinda feel like it would be partially Donnie's fault. Like, he was supposed to look after the bunny for the day, which is why Usagi bunny was in his lab in the first place. Maybe Donnie was studying the oozesquitoes or something, out of curiosity and also wanting to know a little more about their origins and stuff. I feel like it was mostly a case of wrong place wrong time from there.

But when Usagi got stung, he panicked from the shock and pain of the transformation and just bolted, becoming lost somewhere in the sewers. Which lead to Donnie panicking coz oh shit, he just mutated and lost Leo's rabbit! It's Piebald all over again! Only worse coz Leo loves this rabbit so much, and he's gonna be so very upset about this, and Mikey will be too, and Raph'll be upset on their behalf, regardless of his own feelings on the matter, and it'll be all Donnie's fault!

Cue Donnie searching every pet store in NYC to find an identical rabbit to replace the one he lost, which will hopefully buy him enough time to find and capture the real Usagi, and come up with some kind of retro-mutagen to change him back into a normal bunny before anybody finds out. Spoiler, the replacement bunny doesn't even last a day.

Meanwhile, Usagi is having a real bad time. Upon mutation his head is suddenly flooded with the memories of his past life as the Samurai Miyamoto Usagi, that his rabbit brain previously couldn't fully comprehend. Overwhelmed by the onslaught of traumatic memories and still reeling from his sudden painful transformation, Usagi spends most of those first few weeks delirious and wanders aimlessly.

Somehow he manages to stumble his way into the Hidden City, where he is eventually taken in by a rabbit yokai (thinking of the aunt character from Samurai Rabbit). It takes a long time before he is able to make sense of who he is, and more importantly, when he is. Not to mention getting used to his new body. His delirium and general lack of knowledge/common sense is explained away by a head wound he received during his initial flight from the lair.

Meanwhile, again, the turtles are frantically searching everywhere for their lost rabbit. Leo and Mikey being more frantic than the others. Especially Leo, who is deeply concerned about the fate of his poor lost bunny...

#rottmnt #rottmnt au #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #miyamoto usagi #rise leonardo #Leo and his beloved bunny #leosagi #save rise of the tmnt

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Y’know what, the Fire Vermillion siblings need more love. In general. Because they’re, perhaps with the exception of Mereo, underrated characters. I will admit a few things in the beginning, because they are objectively true, so bare with me. 

The reason why I specifically mention Mereo, is that she’s the only one of them to have had a concrete effect on the events of canon, and those took place in the EOTMNS headquarters, along with, perhaps, teaching about Mana Zone to Yami at Yultim. Though I’m quite sure that Yami would have bene able to figure it out, and since Yami ended up having to be rescued in the firs place, the criticality of it in terms of plot is questionable at best. At least as of now. 

There are a lot of so called filler characters in a lot of shows, even on very “visible” positions, because of how the world is constructed and to flesh out the world. It makes sense to have at least faces and names to those who are supposed to be there. I mean to say that as all the MK (magic knight) captains were introduced, they should be presented in a plot that is so centered within the MKs as a whole. 

And the Fire Vermillions are, for the most part, just that: filler characters. Even the Silvas have more of a place and a role in canon, although that is through Noelle, since she is a part of the main cast. Which explains why they’re not as much of filler characters. They’re there to at least build Noelle as a character. 

However, the Vermillions do have a lot of interesting dynamics and unexplored potential in them that, I think, is overlooked. 

We already know that Mereo is characterized as a ferocious and a strong willed woman, but who also isn’t only hot blooded. Or, rather, she in herself holds a very interesting duality. 

Mereo is very driven, bold, and passionate who enjoys the thrill of the hunt and the battle, but she is also very strategic. She doesn’t dive head first into something without thinking about how to go about it. For example in the EOTMNS headquarters, she indicates that Zora and Asta should step out of the battle field, because, quite frankly, they’re not yet equipped enough to take them on. Which means that she is able to analyze the situation quickly and make accurate predictions of the situation. 

It’s just that her, dare I say, analytical side is shadowed by her boldness and loud personality that is very hands on; cut through. But that analytical side of her is also innate to her. It’s not something that she has studied from books, but rather learned in practice through observation and training. She is, in a word, a genius. Of a kind. 

I wouldn’t call her as a “refined person” necessarily, but a rough one. Which doesn’t mean that she would all the time voice her opinion or thoughts if there is no point to it. She can also quietly observe, and make her own judgements based on it, which is very hunter -like behaviour. She doesn’t need to flaunt, or prove herself, at all times, because she is confident in who she is. 

And she is also a caring person. Because she will protect her family, which I think was best shown by her being out for EOTMNS blood when Fue was put into a coma, but even then she wasn’t engulfed into rage before it was due. Or rather, she was never engulfed. Her rage was always directed, which just speaks of her self-control, which, when looking from the surface, doesn’t seem to be a trait of hers. But it very much is, and adds to her being a tactician. 

Her love language is also pushing people forward, to be their very strongest selves, because “the weak will die”. By which she doesn’t mean political strength, or any other kind of feigned strength. She wants to make sure that her near and dear are capable of taking care of themselves when she is not around. And that is displayed, for example, when Leo talks back at Mereo for Fue doing his best to “nurture” his squad into the best knights they could be, and Mereo simply sees that as him babying the squad. 

Mereo’s love is tough love. But I also think it’s because of how she grew up on her trips, when she was in the wilderness and fended, and hunted, for herself. It’s very clear cut and straightforward. It’s very intense. 

I don’t think Fue is wrong in his approach though. It’s simply that his approach is more ... book analytical than Mereo’s. He wants to make calm and calculated decisions based on what he observes and sees, and has had to study, from books, a lot more than what Mereo did, because to Mereo the things were learned through intuition. 

Fuegoleon is a more studious character. But he is not without passion. And he does admire his sister’s passion and strength, while recognizing that they are two very different people. Their passion, the burning in their souls is different between each other, but they’re both very strong willed and driven people. Their drive is simply to different things. 

And Leo comes after the two. While Fue and Mereo have a kind of sibling rivalry going on, because they’re so close in age, Leo is left out of that loop. Because there is 14&16 years in age difference between him, Fue and Mereo. They’re not supposed to be on an equal standing. 

However, though he is in the shadow of his brilliant older siblings, he is given a hard time about it, because people seem to be blind to it. And I think it’s... a bit similar as to what Fue went through while watching Mereo, because she was just that good “without trying”, because she was learning on her own. But the age difference just tenfolds it. 

Leo does admire both of his siblings, but he’s not getting out of Fue’s teachings everything that he’s supposed to get. Because ultimately, they’re two very different people, again. Fue is trying to help Leo grow, and he’s trying to help through the methods that were helpful to him, but he has grown blind about the methods not working for everyone. And perhaps Leo doesn’t feel the call to try and learn like Mereo, on his own, because Mereo is very eccentric. 

But he doesn’t know from who else to ask, since the two strongest Fire Magic users in the kingdom are his siblings, so he’s stuck, until he can figure it out for himself. Which is what he started doing in Spade. That is where his passion, his strength and growth are starting to show and shine. Because he does have that fire in him too, just like the rest of the Fire Vermillions. 

I think that there is an immense amount of care and passion in the Fire Vermillion family, and they simply show it in very different ways. 

#mereoleona vermillion #fuegoleon vermillion #leopold vermillion #black clover #thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[miss-andromeda]

2012 TMNT 😁

The first character I first fell in love with: 

This should be a no-brainer...I think you know him. Tall, purple bandana, gap between the teeth, way too smart for his own good...yeah, it's him. 😌💜

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Honestly, Raph! I started the show thinking very surface-level of him; awesome ninja, anger issues, stuff like that. Then when I started rewatching the show, I started to see how vulnerable and soft he could be with his brothers - along with unbelievably sassy he can be. Seriously, dude has some of my favorite one-liners in the whole show.🤣❤️

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Oh, this is gonna be interesting...I'm gonna be blunt here, Leo. Don't get me wrong, I like him a lot and he has some amazing moments, but he doesn't necessarily have the snark that makes Raph and Donnie stand out, and the sunshine and humor that makes Mikey so endearing. I love Blue, but he's 4th place out of the four. 💙

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

Hmm...probably Shredder. I've seen people say that his motivation is pretty lame (which, in some way, it kind of is) but he's not just a bratty child. He's a really twisted villain and seems to really believe his motivations are completely justified - and you can't deny he's completely ruthless in battle. Really exemplifies the concept of the head of the Foot - and honestly, I think he's a great villain.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

Probably April. I liked her a lot when I was younger (the concept of girl power and she's got a potential romance with my favorite turtle? Sign me up!), but once I got older...she really grated on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I like her in season 1; she's an inexperienced teenager who's dealing with the pain of having her dad be kidnapped and is meeting some new friends along the way. Season 2 onwards? I wanted to strangle her. Not just because of the love triangle (although that is a part of it,) but also because she lost a lot of that awkwardness that made her likable in season 1, and just became a cliche girlboss. But she wasn't even likable there; she just felt like the token female character needed to add "diversity" to the group.

The character I would totally smooch: 

See my first answer. 💜

The character I’d want to be like: 

Probably Raph; minus the short temper, I'd love to have the skills he has and the undying love with an animal - be it Spike/Slash or Chompy. Plus, the sass. ❤️

The character I’d slap: 

Well, I already mentioned April, but I like her in season 1 so that saves her. And it's kind of a cliche choice to pick a villain, so let's pick someone that I've despised since the beginning - even when I was a dumb kid.

Casey.

Does he get better in later seasons? Yeah, I'd say so; he becomes less in your face and more...just annoying, but kinda like Mikey annoying where you can't hate him. But in season 2, I wanted to strangle him too - and admittedly, still kinda do. He's way too obnoxious for his own good, is way too gross in his flirting with April (he's not chauvinistic or anything, but you just roll your eyes a lot of the time), and doesn't back up his bragging or anything with actually being likable, unlike Raph.

So yeah, he's the one.

A pairing that I love:

If you asked me this when I was a kid, I would've said Apritello - April and Donnie. Now, I don't shame anyone if they ship them, but let's just say I way prefer my version in All's Fair in Love and Science (shameless self-promo 😅) where they love each other platonically and April shamelessly teases him about his crush on my OC, Andi.

But to answer, a pair that I love? Mikey and Renet, personally. She captures that inexperience as a Time Master wonderfully, and she never comes off like an idiot - she's just trying to find her footing. And Mikey's so in awe of her that it's kind of adorable. They both have that same kind of childish, free spirit that makes me just want to protect them. 😅🧡

A pairing that I despise: 

Okay, there are two.

One is the aforementioned Apritello. I used to like them as a kid, but watching it in hindsight is just cringeworthy. Don't get me wrong, I am all for Donnie having a crush (and admittedly, I'm a sucker for the love at first sight trope), but did they have to make it so forced and awkward? And I understand April feeling uncomfortable and not wanting to ruin their friendship about his feelings for her, but that's what communication is. And by not having that, she just kept leading him on and making him think he had a chance - only to either ignore him or just continue treating him like just a friend. It was so forced and awkward and...ugh.

And for the obvious - Leorai, Leo and Karai. Okay, who thought it was a good idea to imply that two siblings could have a romance - and have it be canon that one sibling had a crush on the other? Don't get me wrong, I love Karai; she's bar none my favorite female character in the show. And like I said, I love Leo - but the crush he had on Karai is what brings his character down for me. If they wrote him as impressed by her skills and seeing the good in her from a platonic point of view, it would've been sweet - and added another layer to Leo's character. But no, they went with the pseudo-incest perspective and made us all creeped out.

----------

Thank you for the ask, girl! ❤️

@kikithedreamerwriter @m1dnyt3-w0lf @margoteve @jasminarts01 @thelaundrybitch @raphsmuneca @happymoonangel @android-cap-007

#tmnt 2012 #ask game #tagged! #dee's random thoughts

[truths33k3r4]

CHAPTER 20 - Concealed Concern

Raphael’s head was halfway into his shell.

“ DUDE. Are you actually serious right now??? HOW LONG? How long have you been in pain?? “ Leo shout-whispered as his hold on Raph’s arm loosened a tiny bit.

Raph smirked as his head re-emerged from his shell.

“ How long has Don been alive again? “

Leo’s glare penetrated his brother’s body like a hyper-focused laser. ( From 17 years of being the oldest sibling he’s mastered the art of “ the death glare… “ ) His grip still held fast to Raph’s right arm, but it was withheld in pressure. Even so, Raph was still very much CAUGHT.

 This wasn’t a new feeling for him, especially as a sibling of four brothers. Many a time he would be doing something that might have been a little sneaky, like playing on the family’s gameboy under his blankets way past bedtime, and one of his goody-goody brothers, ( usually, mostly, always Mikey ), would rat him out.

He was used to being in trouble.

Not only with simple obedience failures, but also…

with the selfcare kind..

Raph’s never liked doctors. It doesn’t even matter that he’s never had an appointment with one. 

 The tv shows the brothers would watch when they were kids would tell their feeble-minded audience that “ Doctors help people! There’s no point to be scared! If you ever feel sick, going to the doctor can really help! “. 

Even at the age of 6 years old, Raph knew that was a load of bull. Any time the first aid kit made an appearance, it usually caused more harm than good. The scrapes and bruises that he and his brothers would earn would heal on their own. There was no need for lame bandaids with cartoon characters on them and that awful stinging solution. Worst case scenario, you get a scar out of it. Oh the horror.

Sensei would drill into his brain how he should care for his body. Be a good steward of it or whatever. 

‘ “ Be careful, my son. Always wear your helmet. “ ‘

‘ “ Raphael!! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT YOUR HELMET? “ ‘

‘ “ Where did this bruise come from?? “ ‘

‘ “ WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS?!?! “ ‘

Raph stopped that last little memory dead in its’ tracks.

‘ Heheh~ Yeah, I ain’t goin’ there. ‘

Raph flinched as his mind returned to his body, once again looking into the eyes of his seething older brother. He was saying something. 

‘ OH CRUD WHAT DID HE SAY- ‘

Leo seemingly finished his tirade, landing his face into a questioning glare with his eyebrows raised.

‘ THAT’S NOT GOOD- OH SHOOT HIS BROWS ARE UP- HE MUST’VE ASKED A QUESTION… ‘

Raph braced himself.

“....... Could ya repeat that?... “

He didn’t even need to blink before he was being pulled through the door into the hallway. Thankfully, Leo had switched his grip to Raph’s left arm this time.

The door closed behind them. Leo’s hand tightened around Raph’s wrist. The crimson-clad turtle didn’t have to look at his brother to know he was glaring again.

“ WE ARE NOT DONE, RAPH. I know you don’t love the idea of being patched up, but you gotta GET OVER IT. Hiding your injuries isn’t just wrong, it’s IMMATURE. “ 

‘ Oh heeere we goooo. ‘ Raph mentally rolled his eyes.

“ DON’T START, DUDE. I’m so DONE with this. One would think you’d be over this by twelve, but maybe that’s giving you too much credit. “

Raph’s fists tightened. 

Leo apparently felt his brother's muscles strain in his arm, cause in one quick motion, his wrist was pulled up against his will. Leo’s eyes widened as they landed on the cut sliced into his brother’s knuckle. 

Leo’s ice blue eyes, normally cool and tame, burst with a spark of red. 

Somehow his grip on Raph’s arm tightened again, making the crimson-clad brother question if his skin was turning blue underneath the sleeve of his hoodie.

Leo started to shake.

‘ Ohhh cruditsky.. ‘ Raph tried to think of something to calm Leo down. FAST.

“ Dude, it’s not that bad.. Just a scratch. I grazed it on a brick, I’m fine. “

He could sense every stress chasm in Leo’s body starting to bubble under his skin. He recognized the clench of his brother’s jaw as he fought tooth and nail to not say something he would regret.

Raph could just see the words repeating in Leo's head, the ones he would hear Leo practicing with Sensei in his study after having a big fight with one of his brothers:

' " A fool utters all his words but a wise man keeps them IN. " '

That nice little memory decided to end itself as soon as a growing tension began spreading up his arm. It seemed all the anger in Leo chose to target Raph through his vice-like grip rather than through any words spoken through his mouth.

He braced himself for the echoes of Sensei’s sermons through his big brother’s lips. 

The shaking stopped.

There was no longer a hand clutching his wrist. 

The sound of footsteps echoed in Raph’s ears as he opened his eyes to face.. No one..

‘ W- What? What just happened??? ‘

He really couldn’t believe it. There was nothing! Not a “ Raph you idiot “, or “ WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU “ or even a simple “ I’m telling Dad. “

.. Nothing.

The last echoes of footsteps faded into silence. Raph remained at the front of the door looking down the hall in the direction his brother, ( his oldest, calmest, strongest brother ), stormed off.

Raph stroked the back of his neck, racking his brain for any shred of what Leo had said back in the Medbay.

He growled.

‘ Stupid brain- Stupid thoughts tryin’ to mess with me…Thanks to YOU I totally ZONED OUT while my brother grilled me...’

Raph shook his head and moved his hands back into the pocket on his hoodie, but not before he also caught sight of the scratch adorning his left knuckle. The blood had clotted and was now a dark, muted red. 

“ This is all YOUR fault. “ Raph whispered to his hand, using his other to point accusingly, “ If you had STAYED in my hoodie none of this woulda happened. “

He shoved it back into the pocket with far more force than needed, as his other twisted the knob on the door to the Medbay.

The bright lights made Raph have to squint as he entered the room. 

‘ Ok.. Bring Lotus to bed, wrap up my dumb hand, and….

..ugh…

… apologize to Le- ‘ 

Raph froze as his breath caught in his throat.

‘ WHAT THE- ‘

There in front of him, clutching onto the sides of the surgical table for support, stood Lotus. Her body was shaking badly as her arms tried to keep herself upright.

‘ WHAT IS SHE DOING??! ‘

Lotus slowly turned her head to face Raph.

The light in her eyes was dimming rapidly.

“....Raaapph?....”

Raph’s eyes grew wide in panic as he watched Lotus’ body start to sway.  His own body went on override and didn’t ask permission as it shot past the doorway, extending his arms as far as they could go.

With a loud clatter and shuffle, Raph found himself knelt down on one knee with Lotus flopped lifelessly into his arms. His heart was racing as his mind finally caught up to his body. 

Lotus stirred and slowly raised her head to face Raph. Her eyelids hung low with exhaustion as her chest rose and descended in huffs. 

‘..T- th- thanks.. “ She gasped in between breaths.

Raph’s eyes darted back and forth as he tried to figure out what to do.. What to SAY.

‘ “ YOUNG LADY WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU DOIN’??? “ ‘

Or maybe

‘ “ DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THAT WAS?? YA COULDA CRACKED YOUR HEAD OPEN!“ ‘

Raph’s racing mind decided to stop for a second.

He looked down at the now unconscious Lotus in his arms.

 He himself was FIGHTING against the urge to give his own tirade about how stupid Lotus was being, pushing herself too much, and not caring for her own healt-

‘......... What the heck, irony?... ‘

Raph briskly looked over Lotus to make sure she was alright. It seemed that he caught her in the nick of time, barely saving her head from slamming into the side of the surgical table.

Raph kept his mouth shut as he lifted himself and Lotus off the ground, beginning the trek back to the brother’s nook.

‘ You know what... Maybe it’s a good thing Leo wasn’t here to see this… ‘

That's it for this chapter!! :) Can't believe I've already reached 20 chapters in ' the Strength in Weakness"... Man, has time flown. :)

Thank you to everyone for reading and commenting, and just being so kind and encouraging. :)

To God be the glory!

Masterpost <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

#tmnt #my version of tmnt!! #the strength in weakness #angst #angst comfort #hurt/comfort #SIW Leo #SIW Raph #SIW Lotus #siblings

[genericpuff]

Hi! So first things first happy belated new year!(sorry it's my first time interacting with your blog and I thought I'd start off on a positive note) second things second I wanted you to know I am ~besotted~ with your lore rekindled content , I love the art and how it resembles rachel's old style but most importantly I love the way you depicted persephone , she seems much more feisty and spunky ,she also possesses the agency many fans of the original LO claimed the OG persephone did (but never cared to show why that was the case whenever I asked them) as it is clearly shown, a good example of this is her " "meet cute" with hades at the party where SHE'S the one who approaches HIM, in the OG webtoon it was the opposite and the way hades gawked at her physical attractiveness while she was depicted as alone and vulnerable felt extremely predatory and not at all romantic (the "actual" first time they met with 18 year old or possibly younger persephone being naked on top of a drunk hades wasn't any better sadly:( ) also I'd like to ask a question if it doesn't bother you, (I don't know if you've been asked this before or not)Is persephone still going to be 19 years old in your comic? Or is she closer in age to hades ?I'd be grateful if you answered ! Have a good one❤👋🏻

Awww this was such a nice message to wake up to! Happy belated New Year! But now I wonder what your version of starting off your interactions on my blog with a negative note would have been like? 😈 Bring me allll your salt! (if there is any, I'm also just being a dick LMAO)

Thanks so much for your kind words, I'm glad you're enjoying Rekindled! It's wild to me how people are already loving it this much when like... I've barely put anything out? I think I've mentioned this before but I'm used to putting out like, 40-60 panels worth of stuff on a weekly basis (as Rekindled isn't my main comic project) so the fact y'all have been so sweet to the handfuls of panels I've put out for Rekindled already is like... absolutely wild to me. It blows me away :' 0

As for your question, I'm definitely gonna be age'ing up Persephone, not just because of the questionable age gap but also because her being 19 in LO serves absolutely no narrative purpose. The issue with the 19 year old age gap thing isn't just the fact that the age gap exists, that alone would be fine on its own because there would still be an age gap even if she were 100 or 200 or 500 or whatever have you. The issue is that 1.) 19 is a very specific age to use that has a lot of real world equivalencies to "barely legal" and "robbing the cradle" culture, there are FAR too many real life examples of rich 40 year old men exclusively dating 19 year old girls (Leo DiCaprio, hello?) and taking advantage of them in worst case scenarios and it makes it hard not to draw those parallels with LO when Hades is literally coded as a 40 year old man and Persephone is such a 'mortal' age like 19; and 2.) Persephone is very often framed as being some innocent virgin "valley girl" archetype which is, again, very common when it comes to the May December romance. A lot of gross older man will often specifically target younger women because they can play out their fantasies of "deflowering" a young woman or whatnot.

It's hard not to take issue with the Persephone/Hades age gap when they're constantly being drawn like this:

"Art experts" will argue that it's Rachel trying to make Persephone look "small" to convey the mood but if that's the case, she's failing miserably at it, she doesn't just look 'small', she looks like a literal infant. It also always seems to be happening in real time and outside Persephone's head which makes it come across more as other people seeing her that way, not herself.

Compare it to (and I hate that I'm about to use this as a comparison because I also can't stand this webtoon for how infantalizing it is) Let's Play which does a MUCH better job showing characters' inner emotions through the literal personification of their emotions.

Point is, you can convey how a character might feel compared to those around them WITHOUT making them look ridiculous in the story's own setting and universe.

And that's not even getting to how Persephone is treated by both the people around her and the way the comic frames her, there's a LOT of exaggeration put on how "young and innocent" she is and the fact that the comic will take any opportunity it can to draw Persephone in some Vogue magazine like pose even when the scene doesn't call for it is... creepy and distracting, to say the least.

(this is not the look of a person who is 'lonely', at least not the way she's describing it LMAO)

Anyways. This got off topic. It's taken me like, 3 hours to formulate a response to this because I've had my brain split between like 4 different things today LMAO but yes, Rekindled will be ageing up Persephone, at least just to get her away from the real life touchiness of her being a literal 19 year old girl in a relationship with a 40-coded man. I don't mind or think there's much wrong with reasonable age gaps in relationships, but it's a whole other thing when you make your immortal god character an incredibly relatable age like 19 and then also proceed to overly sexualize them/objectify them/infantalize them every chance you get.

And ultimately, they're gods. Their ages really shouldn't matter as 'age' is a concept that shouldn't apply to immortal beings, Rachel's mistake was making it matter with Hecate/Hera calling out Hades for being into a 19 year old girl. If we're not supposed to raise an eyebrow at it, don't have your in-universe characters call it out either, y'know? That just establishes the rule in the story that age gaps are something even the gods would get upset over LMAO It's just not gonna be a focus in Rekindled because it serves no narrative purpose besides pushing Rachel's gross pro-shipping/DDLG fetish.

And, y'know... I kinda don't wanna encourage any more of this shit:

#lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #ask me anything #ama #lore rekindled #rachel be like #do you really want hades to break up with his SO because of a teenage girl he talked to twice #and then proceeded to do just that

[seaweedbraens]

Yoyoyo i just reread wcwsthwas for the sixth time, in 7.5 hours, and i wanted to ask about your writing process. I think the thing that makes your fics incredibly special and high-quality is the fact you have a very high skill level for natural writing and dialogue.

Reading your fics genuinely feels like i’m reading a Riordan novel, but with even better pacing and emotional writing. The only thing riordan can do better is fight scenes. And he’s a massively talented and accredited author who makes millions from his books. You are a fanfic writer. It should not be close.

I wanted to ask if you use any references or have any inspiration for the way you write dialogue? Because it’s incredibly natural and well done.

THE SIXTH TIME SDFGHHJKL i snorted

anyway you hit the nail on the head! i've always been insecure about how i can't write pretty. d'ya know what i mean? i can't do lovely pretty descriptive metaphorical writing that just makes you think wow. but i do pay a lot of attention, like you said EXACTLY, to my dialogue and emotional writing.

for my emotional writing, i think that comes from being very introspective and attuned to my emotions myself. i'm an emotional person and it's taken me many years to really fully understand how i process things and how i function. i have had a lot of complex relationships with people who, while still close to me, are completely opposite to me in terms of how they process stuff themselves. percy and annabeth dealing with their emotions so differently in wcwsthwas is directly from me and my ex boyfriend: i'm very much like percy, and he's like annabeth in the sense that he needs to take a step back to really think about things before he acts on it. a lot of how i feel about friendships and love i've given to leo, and a lot of how i feel about my own culture was given to piper and frank. someone asked me this recently, but i've based piper on a bunch of my best friends, so that's probably why she comes off the way she does in my fic.

draw on your own emotions and experiences when you're writing a scene! emotions are complex and interesting. try to think about how you'd react, or try putting yourself into the shoes of that character. i also do a lot of observation about myself and other people around me. i see how people react to things, and how it shows up on their faces or hands or whatever. that helps me a lot while i'm writing.

for dialogue, i have no clue, honestly. i try to keep it simple as far as i can, i think. nobody's grandiose with their speech in real life (or maybe they are, and i hang out with a bunch of degenerates). i think i overuse the dashes in my dialogue (—) but that kind of stuff is important to me, because nobody's usually just rattling off a big speech in a single breath. there's always some hesitation, people talking over each other, stuff like that, punctuated by glances or gestures. try to play your dialogue in your head like it's a movie. keep it natural, and see how it would play out. for fics like ''cause you've been sinning in this city' i literally did not even attempt to have any dialogue make sense. when i'm talking to my friends, half the shit we say is just inside jokes that would not make a shred of sense to anyone else. stuff like that works too!

this reply turned into an ESSAY but the tl;dr is to keep it simple, write what you know, and trust your gut! but that being said, you don't have to be great at these things to be an awesome writer. i figured out my strengths as a writer the more i wrote, and you will, too. hey, you could be one of those writers who write all pretty that i so envy.

you always ask wonderful questions and ily for that!! also thank you sm for your support. i'd tell you to stop wasting ALMOST 8 HOURS rereading my stupid fic but i know you won't listen dfghjkldjn

i hope this helped a lil bit!

[thedawningofthehour]

doth!draxum is the type of villain you want to squeeze really tightly in your fist and scream at him in angry tears but at the same time acknowledge his absolute genius.

ngl i see a lot of fics with intentional holes in villains which the protagonists use to save the day and yada yada (which is still obviously important sometimes), or just blunt personality traits that do not add up to the character as a whole when you think about it; like "oh, i, draxum, will hate the very beings i have created and treat them like absolute shit just because i can, despite the fact that if i treated them properly then they'd thrive and be open to whatever plans i have for them because they actually understand what i am doing for yokai and be met with little to no resistance and, /bonus/, have (some) kickass son(s)"

there are still a lot of good fics with this but. idk. it really just doesn't strike me as something draxum would do.

doth draxum is the complete opposite and is just so downright realistic. i haven't angrily loved a villain like this in a good while. fact, i dont even think villain is the right term, since what he's doing could potentially save both yokai and humankind alike from an even worse fate. reality sucks and draxum already knows that, and he taught galois that too. donnie just viewed it as draxum killing off the human race(might be wrong on that part since i need to go re-read) and didn't quite take in the actual crisis approaching.

what i just spewed might be literal bullshit but. it's my bullshit.

anywayssss love the writing sm can't wait for next chapter even if it'll break this poor little heart even more.

I don't want to start ragging on other writers/artists here. They had their own visions for how their creative works would look and Evil Draxum fit that. That's fine. It's just a different vibe than what I wanted, that's all.

I think the point a lot of Grimdark Draxum people get hung up on is the scene where he throws Leo off the roof, with the whole "I will not hesitate to destroy you" thing. (sidenote, I do not have Leo be salty about that NEARLY enough) From there, yeah, he does look like a ruthless villain who would do classically evil things just because he can.

But Draxum is one of those characters whose words say one thing and his actions say another. He does hesitate to destroy them. Not Leo, he legit thought Leo was going to die and didn't give a fuck, (in my canon he did this because Leo is his least favorite-he wouldn't have done it to the other three) but he deals with them all several times before coming to the conclusion that they have to die. And even after he assembles Evil Justice League and does a whole music number about killing them-he stands there and asks them to join him again. He has a group of pissed-off mutants at his back who all really hate the turtles and got all excited for murder. He's 100% willing to burn those bridges and piss those guys off if it means he doesn't have to kill his turtles. And even then, after giving them what he explicitly states is their final, point-of-no-return offer...he's out there trying to convince them again, using Lou Jitsu as an in with them. Draxum does not want them dead. He's willing to kill them, but it's established that Draxum is willing to sacrifice just about anything for his cause, so that's not saying much.

And then another thing is his behavior at the end of s1 when he gets close to the dark armor, with the whole kidnapping the boys and threatening to torture them to death in front of their father kind of thing. Yeah. That was fucked. I feel like the dark armor and the taunting of power really, really fucked with Draxum's head. In my canon Cass kind of snapped him out of that when she told him that the armor would all but kill him, and he realized how far gone he was. Cass and Gale kind of serve as good grounding points for him now.

Also, I just want to point out, this was the face Draxum made when he first laid eyes on his creations:

That is not the face of a man who is ambivalent about them dying.

So yeah, while Draxum's original plan for Donnie was not as fluffy and affectionate as what he ended up going with, it wasn't cruel. He would have still fed him well and made sure he was getting enough sleep because those things would have affected the quality of his work, he would have provided medical care because what use did he have for a sick or injured engineer? Taking care of Donnie was worth the extra time and expense because a healthy Donnie would be more productive and would do better work. Just in terms of numbers, it made more sense to be decent to him. There probably would have been some mental and physical abuse, but mostly just to make Donnie reliant on him and keep him from rebelling.

Also he still absolutely thinks of the change of plans as purely a numbers thing. It would simply produce better results of he did it like this. Feelings never came into play here. Baron Draxum does not get attached, especially not to turtles who cuss him out while strapped to his lab table.

Oh no, Draxum is 100% genociding the human race. He's willing to mutate some of them-mostly kids, because they aren't shitheads yet and he thinks they might be redeemable. This isn't exactly mercy-this is something real-life colonizers do to ethnic groups they're trying to destroy. Take their kids and make them 'their own'. That was the whole deal with residential schools and there are definitely people who utilize international adoption to 'save' and Christianize non-white babies. Draxum genuinely believes that humans are evil by virtue of being human. Most human adults are too corrupted, but he might be able to save some of them by mutating them, and the children deserve a chance to be saved.

It just kind of goes to show what a shit situation we're in that That is actually something that could halt the impending mass extinction event caused by climate change.

#i cannot stress this enough this fic was supposed to be really low effort #now we're integrating commentary on climate change and marxism #doth #doth asks #baron draxum