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wenamedthedogkylo · 2 years

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At long last. After over a week of rewatching and cross-referencing, here’s the wholly unnecessary massive meta post where I red-string a bunch of shit together.

At the end of the absolute fever dream that was Ep 13, I spewed out some stream-of-conscious, barely-coherent meta thoughts that some people seemed to like a little. First, thank you, glad you saw any kind of value in my frantic ramblings. Second, as I was thinking over everything that had happened and kept remembering more and more details to link things together, I realized… I should probably double check some of what I was remembering. We’re now only 14 episodes into C3, but it’s been long enough since I’d seen some of those earlier eps that I was definitely questioning if I was remembering things correctly.

So here I am—now armed with a whole Google doc of notes, quotes, etc.—to try and make those original thoughts a little more coherent and sensible. Again, this is less of a “theory”-theory, and more just me going

So let’s dive in, shall we? Spoilers ahead for pretty much all of C3 so far, so beware of that if you’re not caught up.

First, the brief glossary of shorthand I’m using, just in case you get confused.

Next, what’s the “not really a theory”-theory? That everything from Dugger to the Fucked Up Shade Creepers to the brumestone is connected to Armand Treshi.

But how and why? They never found out where the brumestone went, or how Dugger got the way he did, or what was up with the FUSCs. That’s what you’re probably thinking, right? That those are still loose ends to be tied up? I would argue that they’re not nearly as loose as you might think.

The linchpin of this theory is that two-timing goopy bitch Emoth Kade. She came to The Ball literally on the arm of Armand Treshi, and Eshteross confirmed that her Mahaan house had ties to House Treshi. Now what’s a gal who turns into a pale, black-eyed, goop-sweating, wall-crawling, acid spitting monster that can talk to FUSCs, doing hanging out with Armand Treshi? Or better yet, flip that question: why’s Armand connected to someone like that?

Well, because he basically made her like that, of course.

1. THE GOOP PATROL

Let’s talk about Dugger for a second. Remember that nasty little goop man? The pale dwarf with the jet black eyes who literally sweated out that gross clear-ish sticky stuff? Who turned all wormy to crawl through the tunnels in the spires? Who literally birthed a FUSC out of his back in a moment that still makes me gag to remember it?

I think a lot of us thought of him immediately when Matt described how Emoth looked at the end of Ep 13. And then it was confirmed in Ep 14: Emoth and Dugger were the same kind of fucked up. There were some differences, of course. Emoth could clearly control when she looked like a fungus demon, while Dugger couldn’t or maybe chose not to. When cornered, Dugger literally spat an AoE cone of that goop stuff that dealt Poison damage; Emoth spat out a straight line of goop that also did Poison. But they’re definitely the same kind of squishy goop person. Hell, Emoth even went and slimy-ed her way into a baseboard hole in the wall, like. Need I say more?

Well, I’m gonna. Because Emoth Kade and Dugger started out as utterly different people. Emoth belongs to a frickin’ Mahaan house ffs. It might be a lower-tier one, but it’s still a Mahaan house, and one that has ties to House Treshi. Dugger? A nobody. A former carpenter who shut down his business and ran with the Hubatt Corsairs for a while. They come from totally different worlds; how the hell did they end up with the same condition?

(I’m also, just this second as I’m writing this, realizing that both Emoth and Dugger had ties to the Corsairs. Dugger literally was a member for a time, while Cyrus said Emoth had worked with them in the past and that’s how she roped him into being her big himbo distraction. Shit, bro, I’m pretty sure Armand has more influence inside the Corsairs than maybe they realize… The Gang definitely needs to talk to Yash about Emoth and let him know that she was a goop person, too. They need to start checking their ranks for double agents.)

Yash Mangal with the Corsairs told the Gang that six months prior, Dugger vanished for several weeks. They thought maybe he was arrested and/or dead. But he turned up again, and he was already way different—“sweating more, skin growing paler”, becoming more aloof over time, and refusing to answer questions.

Well, what if he was arrested by the Wardens? What if that’s how Armand got ahold of him? I’m already pretty certain that Armand and/or Vali Dertrana had a hand in breaking Cyrus out of prison. I did that other meta theory about how Armand staged the robbery of the Gold Guild’s caravan which Cyrus was blamed for, and if it wasn’t obvious before, I think e14 proved that Cyrus is really not sharp enough to break his way out of a prison solo. He had to have help, and he made it sound like he met the Corsairs after he was on the lam. So who helped him escape in the first place? Maybe even he doesn’t know, maybe he thought he got lucky. But I’m pretty sure at this point that he only got out of there because Armand wanted him out.

Which means it would be perfectly reasonable for Armand or Vali to be able to go into the Granite Hold prison and pluck out a recently-caught member of the Corsairs to turn into their newest henchperson. And even if Dugger hadn’t been arrested, we know Vali was getting “riff raff from the Steps”, poor people who “no one would miss”, and collecting them for Ira’s experiments. Who helps the poorest people of Jrusar? The Corsairs. Reasonable to think that Dugger was down in the Steps helping people out, and got bagged by Vali’s people while there.

“Well hold on now, why’re you bringing Vali and Ira into this?” Because, my darling dearest fellow Critter, how do you think Dugger and Emoth got turned into goop people?

2. EVERYONE HAIL TO THE NIGHTMARE KING

Think about what Fearne remembered from her nana’s stories. The Nightmare King was “a figure that bent and twisted nature for fun. [And] beings that exist within nature. Just didn’t care for them.” What else would you call Dugger if not “bent and twisted”? Same with Emoth. Same with the FUSCs. Imogen and Laudna tangled with normal shade creepers in Zhudanna’s house pre-stream, and Imogen said those ones “looked alive” and were “less, you know, explosive”. They are all absolutely bent and twisted versions of what they used to be.

Also, think about the way all of these beings have been described. A recurring theme pops up, particularly pale skin, creepy black eyes, and wide mouths with sharp teeth.

When the Gang finally gets a better look at Dugger in his house, they see “that weird, kind of glistening, similar oily film [that] you see on everything emerging from him, these blackened veins that curl up the side of his face… The eyes are almost completely black like the other shade creepers that you’ve seen in the previous encounter.”

At one point during that same fight, a FUSC attacked Imogen, and as it got close, she could see “... grayish fleshy arms… Its stretchy, toothed mouth with no nose features and the beady black eyes staring at [her].”

Emoth was first described as already being pale when she entered with Armand, but when Chetney got a look at her in Headmaster Alakritos’s room in the Chambers, she was described as: “Her eyes, black. … darkened veins in the side of her neck. … her arms are a little bit longer, and that sweat is dripping off in a thicker, mucus-y pattern.” The others of the Gang who fought her later saw her “latched to the ceiling, in her dark gray, silver dress, pale sweaty skin, … head turned down, black eyes and extended jaw just dripping liquid saliva from it, the sharp teeth exposed…”

Pale skin, black eyes, no nose, wide stretchy mouth with lots of teeth, unnaturally long limbs? Kinda fuckin’ sounds like Ira Wendagoth to me. And it makes sense that when the Nightmare King twists creatures into horrible versions of themselves, they would each end up sharing some of his features. And let’s not forget that Ira has shown us his prowess with transmutation magic—he turned FCG into a frickin’ turtle without batting a big dark creepy eye.

I think it’s also pretty clear that Ira’s experiments were responsible for the Spitting Mimic that was killing people at the DST. Even without going really meta, we know the Mimic started eating people right around the same time that the Treshi’s Stone Mason’s Guild did “repairs” in that alley. The Mimic shares both Dugger and Emoth’s predilection to spit some kind of nasty damage at enemies. Dugger spat a cone of Poison, the Mimic spat a glob of Acid, and Emoth spat a line of Poison.

But if you go into the Spitting Mimic’s original stat block in Icewind Dale: Rime of the Frostmaiden, it explicitly states, “The variant presented here is a particularly large and voracious specimen—the result of Netherese experiments on ordinary mimics—that spits acid.” Even in regular D&D lore, normal Mimics aren’t like that; they can only be created. It makes perfect sense that within Exandria, the same would hold true, and Matt adapted it to be the result of Ira’s experiments under Armand’s employ. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if that metal half-sphere thing that Imogen pulled out of the Mimic’s body was part of how Ira mutated it, as well as being what tied it to that particular location.

Lastly, it should be noted that Ira, Emoth, and the FUSCs all dealt Piercing + Necrotic damage with their claw attacks. That seems a little too coincidental to me. Dugger probably would have, too, if he hadn’t chosen to fight with actual weapons. Or perhaps his goop-person abilities were different enough from Emoth that he couldn’t form claws to fight with. Thankfully, we’ll never know.

“Okay, that makes some sense. But where’s the brumestone that Dugger was smuggling? That hasn’t turned up yet.” Oh, but it has, my friends. It definitely has.

3. I’M BLUE DA BA DEE DA BA DIE

Day one of C3, the Gang comes together to protect innocent people from murderous moving furniture. We all remember, it was iconic. But let’s rehash real quick, yeah? It was a nice evening, peaceful, everyone was minding their own business. Suddenly everyone heard (and Imogen felt) an “odd, low, bassy rumble”. Right then, Laudna saw a “dull blue flash” off the side of the street ahead. A “small arcane sphere” flashed inside a cart pulled by two sillgoats, who reared up and ran away. The cart detached, scattering boxes which broke open to dump utensils and furniture in the street. That furniture came to life, and thus our beloved party banded together for the first time to defeat it.

Ahh, good times. Things were simpler then.

Hop-skip-and-a-jump ahead to the fight against Ira under the Moon Tower. At the end of Ep 10 when the Gang walked in on him working, Ira held “a blue gem about the size of someone’s clenched fist” up and over his shoulder. At the beginning of Ep 11, Chetney noted that Ira had put the gem down on the table behind him, which was described as a “fist-sized piece of blue crystal that’s giving off a faint blue glow.” And when their conversation came to an end, Ira picked the gem up once more and threw it on the ground, where it exploded in “a wave of arcane energy”. For everyone in the Gang except Chetney, that “burst of bluish-purple arcane energy” was familiar. A moment later, the tables and chairs nearest the explosion came to life.

“Yeah yeah, we know, Ira was behind the moving furniture. What does that have to do with bru–”

Blue. Stones. That. Make. Things. Move.

I’m tellin’ ya, that’s brumestone, baby!

We first hear of brumestone in Matt’s description as Orym, Fearne, and Dorian were arriving in Jrusar by skyship. They watched as “two prominent, blue, rounded stones about 10 to 12 feet in diameter that are affixed to the front of the ship—referred to as brumestone, which has a natural arcane ability to remain aloft in spite of gravity and that maintains a skyship’s movement—begin to glow brighter.”

At PT, the Gang found that odd crumbly, gravel-like residue in the pilfered crates. FCG used their Identifeye on the dust, and saw that it was “a somewhat vibrant sky-blue color almost, like a light cerulean. It’s a dull piece of brumestone.” Matt further explained brumestone’s rarity; how it’s heavily controlled by the Alsfarin Union in Ank’Harel; that it’s only known sources are the ruins of floating cities from the Age of Arcanum; and that “they are the blue stones that are embedded in skyships to keep them aloft.”

Drawing from sources like the original Tal’Dorei Campaign Setting and Campaign 2, the CR wiki explains that brumestone itself is not magical, but is particularly receptive to magic that will make it levitate. By embedding it in skyships, the enchanted brumestone is therefore able to make that otherwise inanimate object float as well.

So we’ve got a glowing blue rock that can be enchanted to make inanimate objects (like skyships and cities) float. And we have a glowing blue rock that can be enchanted to make inanimate objects (like tables, rugs, brooms, etc) move on their own.

Can I make it any more obvious?

Armand hired Ira to help him sow chaos in Jrusar. To do this, Ira needed supplies. Among those supplies is a very rare and notoriously hard-to-get mineral that is, according to Yash Mangal, very valuable on the black market. It’s a very tightly controlled element, and the Corsair spokesman said that there are probably a lot of arcanists and engineers seeking it out.

But this is Armand Treshi of House Treshi we’re talking about. He’s absolutely got the money and connections to get his hands on some illegal brumestone. (Especially once he stages a robbery of his own guild and squirrels that money away from the official books; see above theory about Cyrus and the robbery.) All he needs is ready hands to do the smuggling. Another trade: Armand, through Vali, provides Ira with test subjects for his experiments, and Ira twists them into willing servants who will do their dirty work.

Dugger, either picked up from the Steps or arrested and plucked out of prison, is among the first of these subjects to get goopified. He sticks around the Corsairs for a bit, probably gaining Armand & Co. some intel, and then eventually leaves them to focus on smuggling the brumestone into Jrusar. (This, I believe, is what he meant when he told Danas, “Well, I suppose we need to adjust our supply lines.” He killed her immediately after that, so he wasn’t saying “we” to include her; he was referring to himself and someone else. And since the Corsairs were certain he hadn’t gone to the Ivory Syndicate, it makes perfect sense that that someone was Armand & Co.)

The brumestone is passed on to Ira, who in turn uses his various contraptions and magic to enchant the mineral in a different way. After all, levitation magic and animation magic really are not that different. They are both used to move objects, especially those that cannot move on their own. It stands to reason that if brumestone is receptive to one kind of movement magic, it would, with a little arcane prodding, be receptive to others. And with how Ira loves twisting things to be darker and scarier, it’s no surprise that when he makes furniture move, the first thing it tries to do is kill people.

4. MY MIDDLE NAME IS ‘SECOND-SUMMARY’

Now, any reasonable person might have come to these conclusions and just moved on with their life. Given my ADHD and the ensuing memory issues, I am physically incapable of doing that. So when I say I literally rewatched damn near every second of C3 so far to make sure I wasn’t making this shit up… I mean I rewatched damn near every second. I made a Google Doc to cite specific information and quotes when needed. If anyone wants to see it, I’ll be happy to share. At this point I’m just recording anything that seems interconnected and/or important.

So I promise you I’m not pulling this stuff out of my ass. At most, I’m drawing lines and filling in gaps with reasonable conclusions. And where I’ve landed is that Ira the Nightmare King made the FUSCs, Dugger, Lady Emoth, and the Spitting Mimic for Armand Treshi, as well as used the smuggled brumestone to make animated killer furniture.

Obviously, if I end up being wrong about anything, then oh well. The surprise will be all the more amazing, because after hours of doing my best tin foil-hatter impression, Matt still managed to dupe me. Which would be exciting as fuck. But if I’m right, that doesn’t really lessen the excitement for me. Because despite all this, I still haven’t got a fucking clue where this will end up leading. Tie all of this in with the Paragon’s Call shit and the werewolves (still convinced those are linked), and all I can surmise is that Armand Treshi has much grander and more ominous designs for Jrusar than we thought.

Because as I said in my original blathering post, it’s one thing to make a little furniture move and one wall that eats people. Like, that’s still wild as fuck, but in the scale of an entire city and the surrounding lands, that’s relatively small potatoes. At best, you make people feel a little unsafe and off balance, and use the upset to maneuver your way into more power.

But the connections to Armand just keep adding up. Now we’ve got Lady Emoth, his date to one of the biggest political events of the year, being a goop person and robbing Gryz Alakritos’s guest suite? On top of everything else?? What did he have that she wanted so badly? And what in the ever-loving fuck was that shit with Emoth saying “we have business for her tonight” and “she’ll help me” and someone called “mother”? Like, I kinda joked during the stream that this might mean there’s a Queen Shade Creeper, but… bro what if there is? Ira what the fuck did you do?

At this rate, I really wouldn’t be surprised if Imogen’s red storm dreams, the Lumas Twins’ deaths, and the shadow assassins that attacked them and Zephra were also somehow Armand’s doing. The description of how the shadow assassins just kinda vanished reminds me of Ira being all smoky and hard for Laudna to hit; is he somehow responsible for those beings as well? WHERE DO ALL THESE THREADS LEAD?

MATTHEW WHAT HORRIBLE CHAOS HAVE YOU COOKED UP FOR US, I CAN’T STAND THE WAITING ANYMORE

#Critical Role #campaign 3 #critical role meta #critical role theory #c3 meta #c3 theory #Bree's stuff #about me #about Bree

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princessphilly · 2 years

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A Merry Holiday

Just a set of vignettes from the couples in the ABAO universe.

In order: Kevin and Marisa (Jelly Donuts and Shorties)

Sidney and Nina (All Bets Are Off)

Jamila (Plain Jane)

CW: grief, covid, angst, fluff

@chara-hugs @newlibrary @huggybearmylove43 @starshine-hockey-girl @himbos-on-ice @pagirl6866 @thighlerseguin @thebookofmags @whatishockey @squidlywiddly87 @t0xickisses2 @joelsfarabee @nugnthopkns @extratragic @shelbsatans @miracleonice87 @myhockeyworld87

There was the biggest hole that couldn’t be filled. Yet, as his heart ached, Kevin smiled and toasted his father-in-law as he wrapped an arm around his wife’s shoulders.

Rich Neroni yelled out, “To Kevin, my favorite son-in-law and my little girl, may this coming year be fruitful. I’m ready for a little bambino or bambina.”

“He’s your only son-in-law,” Marisa interjected, “And it’ll happen when we’re ready.”

Marisa looked at her husband, his eyes pained. She knew what he was thinking. They all missed Jimmy even more at the holidays. Sharing a look with Shelagh, Marisa whispered, “Let’s take a break, babe.”

Easing their way out of dinner, Marisa guided Kevin to one of the quieter rooms. Tonight was the Feast of Seven Fishes and the first time the Hayes and Neroni families had truly been together since their wedding. It had been a couple of years but Marisa knew that Jimmy was missed the most at times like this.

Sitting on her old childhood bed, Kevin pulled Marisa into his lap. Holding her there, they sat for several quiet moments. Then Kevin said, “Jimmy would be excited at our news. He loved his boys so much and he was looking forward to being an uncle to ours.”

Placing a hand on her stomach, still flat, Marisa smiled. “He’s still excited, he’s just excited at being guardian angel uncle up in heaven.”

“I’m not ready to share the news yet.”

“Neither am I. I’ve just taken a few sips of my red. Luckily Jamila is here visiting so no one is going to suspect anything.”

After some more moments of companionable silence, Marisa kissed her husband slow on the lips. “Let me know when you’re ready to go back down. But I need to go pee.”

“Go pee, Risa.”

After his wife got off his lap, Kevin slapped her ass, laughing when Marisa gave him the finger.

****

Sidney resisted the urge to yell as he saw the clip on ESPN Sportscenter. Yesterday morning, he was just playing with Matt, on the ice at PPG Paints Arena, when Matt scored a goal from mid-ice. Someone had filmed it and sent the tape to ESPN. It was a fluke but there was already people trying to start buzz about his boy being the next one.

Sidney didn’t want to yell. He was ready to kill.

“Relax, Sid, it’ll be fine.”

Sidney looked at his father-in-law. Vernon was looking at the TV as he ate some cashews. As if he could read his mind, Vernon added, “The media isn’t going to burden Matt the way you think. Plus, this fam won’t let it get to him.”

“I had the pressure of being the next one on me from when I was five years old. It was horrible, Mr. Vernon, I don’t want my boy to go through that.”

“Sidney, there’s going to be some pressure on Matty just because he’s your son, no matter what. But what I’m saying is that our family won’t let it get to him the way you’re fearing. Jason has been a huge talent since he was in sixth grade. I’ve seen the vultures and the pressure. We will keep our boys from feeling that pressure, Matty and Jaden.”

As if Vernon spoke him up, Sidney’s nephew came running into the room. “Pappy! Unca Sidy!”

Getting up, Sidney picked up Jaden. “Hey little fella! How are you?”

Jaden pointed to his sweater, a Christmas sweater with a teddy bear and a candy cane. “I got car and blocks unda da tree! And a kitchen and a Lego set-”

“Bragging already, Jae?”

Jason shook his dad’s hand before clapping Sidney on the back. “I’m so glad we played on Thursday night, glad to be home with the family this year.”

“I know that feels good. It feels weird this year not to be flying in. Retirement is weird,” Sidney replied.

“Ahem!”

Everyone’s eyes flew to the doorway of Sidney’s basement mancave. There was Nina, holding a squirming Matthew. “Um, you forgot to say hi to the hostess, Brother.”

Putting her son on the floor, Nina opened her arms wide as Jason hugged her before picking her up. Then he asked, “Where’s Yanni?”

“She’s with Mom, Trina, Troy, Taylor, and Amber. Some of the guys from the team will be coming by later. Get ready to sign autographs and hear about fantasy football.”

Jason laughed as he shared a rueful glance with Sidney. Sidney piped up, “I don’t miss that part.”

Nina sat in the chair next to her father as her son played with her cousin. It was good that they were all together again, for the first time in months. “Also, Jason, can you remind Sid that no one is going to harass our son.”

“I saw that clip, get the person who sent it fired. And don’t worry, the Jacksons are very good at keeping people humble. I mean, let me have any kind of game and I get texts telling me how to improve. No really, relax Sidney and enjoy your retirement without worrying about every little thing.”

That very moment, Matthew and Jaden were playing hockey with the net in the corner. Jaden scored on Matthew and yelled, “I score, I got 1.”

“See, Matthew let a goal in, he’s not the next one,” Nina joked

“I still can’t believe you brought this little baby all the way up here.”

Jamila grinned as Myrtle fussed. Maya was curled in her arms, sleeping soundly as her great-grandmother good-naturedly fussed. “She’s so tiny and on an airplane, girl. I don’t know.”

“I rented a private jet, Grandma Myrtle. I wanted to make sure you’d get to see Maya.”

There was a sobering silence. Myrtle was in a wheelchair, the result of a fall that fractured her hip. The surgery was successful and Jamila poured money into making sure Myrtle had the best rehab possible. But it was obvious now that her grandmother was getting older and didn’t have as much time left on this world.

“Don’t worry girl, I’m not going to see my lord until I see you happily married to someone, even this girl’s daddy.”

Jamila snorted and Maya startled. Rocking her slowly, Maya went back to sleep. Myrtle softly smiled before taking a wizened hand and running it over her soft forehead. The baby already had some hair and very dark brown eyes, darker than hers and Jamila. “Maya looks a little bit like your grandfather. She has his nose.”

“Really?”

Jamila sniffled a bit as she looked at her bundle of joy. Stephen Brown had passed away before Jamila had been born but her grandfather had been well-loved in her family.

“Yes, really. You know I have to fuss but I’m glad to see you this Christmas.”

“Same, Grandma.”

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nochiquinn · 2 years

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exandria unlimited: kymal: part 2: I planned for this

not adele dazeem

h a t s

"I feel like critical role's so serious" "WHAT"

sends that clip to all the "critical role was never this crass" tlovm critics

they got her

erica seems so much more comfortable tonight

pick-me casino

"I got fiddle-fingers!"

POODLE PIP

oh, oxboxtra does that one sometimes

see, bell's hells, THEY get it

I'm love him

mor: brumestone dorian: [rapid blinking]

spaceship

"and hide his dumb ass"

BOOP ACTION

matt teaching aimee and erica how to hit dice

rip aabria's voice

the chroma conclave getting turned into a tacky theme spa is the BEST

"no ringworm for dorian"

"he's not little, he's 6''6'!"

the way opal's face dropped at "thordak"

orym would probably also have had...some reaction

dariax

"it's kinda disrespectful but. y'know."

"I've always wanted to see the top of your head!" "👀" "NO"

"you can't get pregnant in a hot tub - you COULD get chlamydia!"

(edit from the future: I can't believe I spelled that right the first time)

jinoir :(

I need them to adopt and protect this child

"dorian's a taurus for sure" can we not call me out personally in this moment

ouchie check

for the record laying on pokey things is my absolute nightmare

"please draw it. and tag me."

dream check DREAM CHECK

comment cards

I love opal so goddamn much

everybody trying so fucking hard not to laugh over aimee

stop dating the episode

("no one who hasn't watched shortonegaming will get that" well maybe they should watch shortonegaming then)

(watch shortonegaming)

matt telling erica "it's fine, it's gonna be fine"

awakened vestige!!!

this is the dai character editor mirror

opal and the power of friendship

where is dariax. where is the back-to-back

"what should I do next" stop being a fucking dipshit

diligent, intelligent

they got the mother gothel treatment didn't they

GO AWAY AND THEN COME BACK SOON

"thank you for letting me do that, it was so disrespectful"

"she's wearing this, because we did the art"

cognitive psience

"sometimes cuddle buddies"

ted 2 again

"that is a man who let a pet rock die"

....birds of a feather

"will this be a pun list? YES."

PIERODIN

"I'm just gonna make eye contact with you, Matt"

LIFE NEEDS WINE TO LIVE

how long until the svg goes up for the vinyl cutters and their wine glass wraps

"she grew up in this buffet"

fantasy ostrich

big farm-a

"the exact same" gay

"we've moved a few couches together" GAY

"you gave me the power!"

innuendo as spellcasting flavor

apparently we are two hours into a five hour stream, help me

the early break is going to be my downfall

orym where are you

oh BOY

"you heard an eldritch language" that's how I hear all math

I don't like how much this guy smirks

dariax is a GOOD BOY

"I made her yeet a dice :D"

for a hot second I thought she threw it AT him

someone loan her a new d20

awww

what in the gravira

his mean little brainhole

don't love that!

"should have given him lair actions"

"look at the flowchart!!"

exCUSE

thrall? girl got a thrall?

poska-senpai noticed me

"doors are mysterious"

"the biggest boss I can offer: a mean door"

"do you think we care about money more than you?"

"as long as the money is out of this vault, I did my job"

I love one (1) himbo dwarf

"do you have some - it's just me, stop screaming - do you have some paper"

cyrus did one (1) useful thing

it's free gratis

this means in their future sessions - and there better goddamn be future sessions - they will have not one but two bags of holding

unless something really stupid happens

hello??

raven? matron of ravens?

(I'm sorry, I know why they had to change it, but "matron of ravens" will never be as smooth to say as "raven queen")

Dariax Is A Good Boy

even if this is a stupid idea (I have no idea) it is Hurting His Friend and now it has to Die

matt control your face

GO AWAY PIKACHU

aimee stop metagaming

"just smashing stuff?" "....yeah" "hell yeah"

anjali: wait I have the thing

there's an hourish left and I am in suffering

MAP

gaola mvp

dick around

"we're all impossibly stupid!"

"have you ever kicked a building to death?"

is fantasy c4 the only explosive you've heard of

"I'm really good at breaking things!"

"I had...a thought" "no!"

lmao the dice roller

"it's not that good a plan"

"I love you and I like you, and if this is not airtight I will FUCK you up"

!!!

QUEEN SHIT

god I want an exu animated miniseries

KING SHIT

did I compare the nameless ones to the dollars from durarara last time we did this

!!!

god I am TENSE

please don't everybody go splat

"roll good" "I'M TRYING"

I love her SO MUCH

"everyone turn into a simple machine!"

but they didn't HAVE machines in the middle ages

(this is more salt at tlovm critics, ignore me)

YIP YIP

the world's craziest poodle

wall effect!

smoke? clouds? probably clouds

here at the end I would like to state that every time they mentioned morrighan's songbird I pictured Songbird from bioshock

HEY

HEY WAIT A MINUTE

HER name? as is Mor is using someone else's name?

AS IN AN OLD WOMAN IN THE FEYWILD NAMED MORRIG(H)AN?

that was a sequel hook aabria you can't fool me

"we got 50k and a floating balcony!"

"did you forget their relationship started with peeing off a wall?!"

[shakes tin cup] spare a stinger?

no stinger :(

#exandria unlimited #critical role #spoilers #live blog #reaction post #crititag #exutag #also I counted the flying balcony as stealing a vehicle for my bingo card and no one can stop me

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dynyamight · 3 years

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I've seen a lot of people do it, so if you are up for it~ Ship your moots!

FINALLY. THE AWAITED LIST OF MOOTS IS COMPLETE. sorry this took forever anon!!

now, this is going to be long & i will try not to overexplain my ship pairings. did i take time to think about each paring? yes. but, will they be serious? no. they are dumb & silly.

let the crack pairings begin <3!!

@dekusneakers x BAKUGOU & TODOROKI now you would think? sneakers in a throuple? how come? mmm simple. i couldn’t choose one for her so she gets both. the more the merrier. besides, she deserves love from both sides, kisses on both cheeks. one begrudgingly smooch & one icy kith. as a deku kin, she’s completely satisfied. you’re welcome

@izusun x AIZAWA & ORCA similarly, i can’t have my bestie here with just ONE babe. so, i thought why don’t we get a fatherly figure & a dad bod to give her all the love she needs. so yes, bestie, you two deserves hugs at both sides of you. a twiggy one & a muscly one. the sun needs some shade, & that shade is these men.

@midnightpirates x SUKUNA he’s a mass murderer !! you can’t— oh, but i can. you see, yanna here hates mahito & guess who was the one to fuck up his shit. ah, that’s right, it was sukuna. two mahito an/tis sitting in a tree <3 it’s the perfect match made in hell.

@goth-himbo-dabi x DOCTOR WHO once again, people might wonder: why not dabi? my answer? it’s because my bby here finds the twiggy men attractive. i know, bummer. & you can’t get any twiggy-er than david tennant & matt smith. but which doctor? all of them.

@minisheku x KAMINARI i see you simp for his dunce face. & honestly, who wouldn’t?? also, i originally put sheepku,, but that’s ,, a bit weird. but, here’s the solution. you OWN a sheepku, with kaminari. ah yes, a modern day family unit. & he can entertain you, as well as be a source of electricity for your drawing tablet !! resources !!

@oyavaski x EN you said he was hot literally in your tags earlier in a reblog. so, i am simply gifting you water to quench your thirst. may you two meet in afo, & fall in love in the subconscious of deku’s mind. will deku feel awks? yeah. but like pfft, he’s so whipped for bkg, he’ll forget you two chilling in the corner of his thoughts.

@okworstie x GOJO & WATARI i never have to look up the gojo tag, like ever. because you’re always plastering his face all over my timeline. & yes, this is a good thing. but, the same applies to watari. i have never even seen bakudiez, or whatever it’s called, but apparently he’s aro, & there’s a moth man, & tape hits post limit thursday’s? yeah just keep both, mimi.

@rrandomtthings x AN/TI as one of fellow loyal, amazing bkdks, i think it’s only fitting that you find true love with a bkdk an/ti. create the banti we seek in our community. the enemies to lovers trope is in your blood, written in your deku genes. so, i dedicate the banti movement with this small offering of a ship. may you find diamonds on the minecraft server & build a diamond cabin.

@believeyourgalaxy x ITADORI you two are such cinnamon rolls !!!! super friendly. super kind. super relatable. & together, you guys can pin over megumi. maybe hopefully, sam can help itadori with his low iq brain to finally get together with megumi. because damn, sam can be like “this is my boyfriend, itadori. & this is itadori’s boyfriend, megumi.”

@wrensknight x SHIRAKUMO i didn’t even know it was oboro birthday, until you not only made a public post about to, but made art for him. cloud boy needs that partner to respect & cherish him entirely. & you just treat him so right?? draw him so good?? i hope you can go cloud watching & then later, ride the clouds with him. till death do you guys uh,, you know,,

@b1m0 x MIDORIYA you can't stand when he gets injured, let alone reckless & trying to save the world, when he should literally be saving his own ass. but, that just means you care about him DEEPLY. plus, you both are wholesome people. obviously two cinnamon rolls make a whole bakery !! & who doesn't want a bakery ?? i sure do! wehjw idk why i brought the point here, but just know you two make sense.

@mysterionrising x RENGOKU & VIGILANTE DEKU it’s that enemies to lovers trope once again !! for someone who wrote him off as annoying the first seconds she met him, kenny sure flipped over to the stan side. ever since then, i can only see kenny when i see rengoku. but, you know who else reminds me of kenny. vigilante deku. it’s super fruity that you have an entire bomb playlist for him. so keep him too !!

@kamishima x KIRISHIMA you are the biggest kiri simp i have ever met. you basically ship kiri with anyone who makes him happy. though, you do have a lot of ships, but with kiri it’s different. & so, i was thinking ‘mmm, if bug ships kiri with so many people?? shouldn’t she ship him with HERSELF?’ boom. suddenly both kiri & bug are happy, with a lovely home. my work here is done.

@ckatsudon x LAW LIET did i dig through your blog. why yes. & you know what i found? reblogs & tags dedicated to L. he’s best boy. he’s precious. he deserves a better end. an end with you. mmhmm !! because if we rewrote death note, where you were light, i think L & light could have been canon. & that also would make you happy. & the rest of the entire world

@drfox-kinnie x UNIKITTY i don’t even know the show, let alone who unikitty is exactly. but, you reblogged a banner, confirming your love for unikitty. & so, i am of course doing you a big favor !! she’s bubbly, friendly, & passionate just like you !! & bestie, while i may not know nothing about her, i know you love her. so, maybe you two platonically have a wonderful time, adventuring with the other wholesome characters !! also,, is she big enough to travel on? if so, look i got you a cat car!!

@midorree x MINACHAKO i ship you with another ship. why? because i can. besides, you are like my moot who is genuinely a head leader of the minachako ship on my timeline, & you have steadily been converting me?? but, i also noticed that mina AND uraraka have stolen your heart, & you have yet to fight them for it back. i hope you three can go into a brawl & see who can grab each other’s hands fastest.

@kiribakuxkacchakolover x HATSUME YOU HAVE IT AS YOUR TITLE HEADER. like you are literally having a billboard that calls mei your cutie patootie. &, you ask, & you shall receive. i hope you two can be the dorkiest nerds together, & ramble for eons & eons. i hope i’m invited to the transformer wedding you two will have <,3

@balaroo x MIRUKO like before, you too have your interest out in the open in your title header. but, you see, miruko is a total babe, with confidence & ego & with this stride that makes even the most alpha male quiver. you would be a total wife to miruko’s girlboss energy & that’s why this ship totally works.

@quix-mix x FREDDY FAZBEAR my precious lil young moot, i dug into your blog & noticed you enjoy the fnaf games. & mmm are you perhaps wanting to cuddle a certain demonic teddy bear? well, i approve. he'll fall in love, head over heels, with your art, he might not possess you right away !! might. but, listen, you always do enjoy the villains (; i gotchu !!

@lonely-rabbit x LANCE you said we’re moots & i agree, we are. however, i have noooo idea what even are your preferences. so, i went digging. & it’s such a coincidence that we bonded over our voltron trauma, & yet you still continue to simp over lance. &, like i don’t blame you !!! he’ll always be dumb baby & so all i ask is that you love him, for our sake. & sanity.

#star responds #THIS TOOK FOREVER STILL #EVEN WITH MY SHORT EXPLANATIONS #but tadaaaa #the moots have now been complied #& ahajsbkssj i HOPE you all like your pairings. even the dumb ones <#I ALREADY KNOW SOME OF YALL WILL LAUGH LMAOO #otherwise if you want to roast me & what my pairing would be. pls feel free to do so #this was so fun omgg thank you anon for this opportunity!!#anon #moots

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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One Year Anniversary: Top 12 Ducktales Episodes!

Happy anniversary all you happy people! Yes it was one year ago today I started reviewing animation and it’s been a ride to be sure. I’d always WANTED to be a reviewer: I love going on and on about stuff I love, really digging into it and picking it apart... but I could never get started. I tried youtube but I didn’t have the money for the equipment nor a proper shooting space to record, so my efforts.. were not great. And while I TRIED text reviews, my own looming pile of self hatred meant every attempt I made was shot down when it got hard as me not being good enough.

But one year ago I finally got past that. I’d already been reviewing a bit, doing invididual issues of comics... but got way in over my head trying to do the current line of X-Men comics as it came out, and wisely bowed out of that. But that left a gap: I had nothing to cover week to week and with a demanding new job, I drifted into just doing in charcter chats, little fan fictions script styles. Not bad work, I should do some more at some point and I even got a comissoin once in a while, but nothing I could really live on and not what I wanted to do with my life.

Enter Ducktales. I’d always WANTED to review the show.. and when the double premire happened, I decided fuck it, and put up my thoughts. And then decided.. hey maybe I can do this every week.. and slowly.. my work evolved, getting better and better, getting more and more likes. I picked up Amphibia when that came by week to week.

And eventually.. this went from a hobby, if one I was passionate about to a career. Not a largely paying one, as only one person was really intrested in paying me for it, friend of the blog and our fincial backer @weirdkev27, but .. it’s money and i’m now making about 30 dollars a month due to a comination of comissions and patreon. Other contributers are always welcome mind you, my patreon is here if your curious and comissions are 5 dollars an episode, but i’ts just nice to have money coming in. To have gone from simply WANTING to review things and make a living off it.. to simply doing it.

And it’s been one hell of a year.. and not just because 2020 felt like hell or 2021 began with a full on insurrection. I feel like i’ve acomplished a lot in the year i’ve been doing this: I finished what I started with Ducktales season 3, getting better and better as I went. And I didn’t stop there with ducks: I started covering what brought me to Ducks in the first place, the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, and while that retrospective has slid a bit on the schedule, I intend to get it back on track this month. I reviewed a bunch of Darkwing Duck episodes leading up to the Just Us Justice Ducks.. chronologically anyway. The actual airing order reads like someone took 50 issues of a comic, made it rain with them, then just started reading whatever ones they picked up randomly. I also covered some of Duck Master Carl Barks work with the classics Night on Bear Mountain, A Christmas for Shacktown and Back to the Klondike, with more to come.

And the Duck didn’t stop at just reviews I did on my own: Kev comissioned two MASSIVE retrospectives from me: My first for him was Ride of the Three Caballleros where in just a few short months I covered the boys entire televisied careers together from the movie, to house of mouse, to mickey and the roadster racers, to ducktales (again) and finishing with the wonderful Legend of the Three Caballeros. It has probably the worst Daisy imaginable, but otherwise is really excellent and i’m glad I finally watched it. I also covered Don Rosa’s two stories with the boys as part of it. It was a fun ride and I enjoyed every minute of it... okay most of them again Three Cabs Daisy is the worst. And once that finished Kev started up another idea: Shadow Into Light: a look at Lena’s character arc from start to finish that has gone on to be my most popular series on this blog, and that finishes next week. And there’s more to come as after that there’s a short breather with a look at Lilo and Stitch’s crossover episodes.. folllowed by me looking at all three of season 2′s ducktales arcs. And I fully intend to have covered every episode of the series by this time next year, so stay tuned.

Outside of ducks though I didn’t slow down. I restarted my Tom Lucitor retrospective, covering what i feel to be one of Star Vs’ two best characters, tied with eclipsa, and my personal faviorite as he redeemeed himself, found love and I bitched a lot about the horrible directions the series took and probabably will more as that’s still not done yet. I did what I always wanted to do and started looks at some of my faviorite comics ever, starting with Life and Times and adding in New X-Men and Scott PIlgrim. I also threw in the awesome comic Blacksad. I did pride month for the first time and not only came out publicly, but also did two whole arcs i’m proud of with The Saluna episodes of Loud house and the rednid episodes of OK KO, and generally just had myself a good old fashioned time as an out bi man reviewing childrens cartoons.

I started Season 2 of amphibia with it’s lows of an endlesss road trip and highs of adding Marcy to the cast and giving us more of the silky voiced keith david. And finally Patreon wise Kev’s taken me on a hell o fa journey: In addition to the restrospectives i’ve covered some additional darkwing duck, and a simpsons homage to the duck comics... but also got a bit weird and obscure with detours like the lost animnaics sucessor Histeria, the apocalyptic comedy where Santa dosen’t know how doors work Whoops! and the adventures of Santa’s bratty teen daughter jingle belle. In short.. it’s been a long year but damn has it been fun and there’s more to come. I’d like to thank all of you for reading, thank my Patreons Kev and Emma for supporting me, and thank my family for doing the same. So with that out of the way, I figured the best way to celebrate was to do something i’ve been wanting to do for a long time, something honoring the show that gave me this calling in the first place. And with Season 3 sadly being the last, and enough weeks having passed for me to digest it between the finale and today, I could think of nothing better than my top 12 episodes of Ducktales.

Ducktales is one of the best cartoons of the 2010′s. Brilliantly taking EVERYTHING that had come before, the comics, the original cartoon and every bit of duck media period to craft a masterful, unique and wonderful reboot. It was funny, it was insane, and it had damn good character arcs. By the end every member of the main cast along with major supporting cast members like Fenton, Drake and especially Lena, had changed and signifigantly at that. The show was everything I could’ve dreamed of and more and I miss it terribly, hoping DIsney will do a revivial movie at some point. For now though, Frank and Matt’s run on ducktales, as they called it and I do too since i’m a massive comic book nerd, it’s time to look back on my favorite tales of ducks. So grab your sharks, your number one dimes and your friendship cakes with clear gay undertones and join me under the cut as I celebrate one of my faviorite shows and my anniversary in the best way possible.

12. House of the Lucky Gander!

So as i’ve gone on about before and no doubt will again, Donald kinda got the short end of the stick in season 1. While Frank and Matt had good story intentions, keeping Donald away from adventure since he had no interest in it, in practice it meant a beloved Disney Icon who they and disney HEAVILY promoted as part of the series and whose being here this go round was a big draw for fans of the comics.... was only in a quarter of the season and only got TWO plots centered around him in 23 episodes, with only one being the main plot of the episode. The PIlot and Finale both centered around the family more as a whole if your curious how I counted those so while he got plenty of focus in both, it’s still not a day in the limelight sort of thing.

But unusually for Donald, he lucked out as his one big starring role for Season 1 was both one of my faviorites and one of Season 1′s most inventive outings. A lot of the episodes enegy comes from a one two punch of a great guest star and one of the series best settings. The guest star is of course everyone’s faviorite overly lucky himbo Gladstone Gander. The show adapted the prick perfectly: The original Gladstone from the comics.. was the worst asshole imaginable, utterly insufferable. And for a villian, and Donald’s rival, that’s all well and good.. but his super luck meant he RARELY , if ever, suffered any consequences for being just...

The 87 series simply made him nicer, while Going Quackers simply removed his luck. No adaptation really got how to make this fucker work.. until this one. Here Frank split the diffrence: Gladstone is still smug.. but he’s no longer actively malicious. While he is an insensitive prick to Donald in this one, unlike the comics he’s not constantly bragging about his luck or how great he is or actively BAITING Donald to fight with him or trying to ruin his relationship or a million other reasons he sucks and I hate him.

This version by contrast... is generous. He’s not the most empathetic, because he doesn’t get how life works, but he does share the riches of the casnio with everyone and in a cameo appearance in “Treasure of the Found Lamp” gladly offers his nephews some diamonds. He’s got a nice surface level charm to him that makes you understand why people like him.. but it’s also clear ther’es nothing UNDER that of value, making you equally understand why Scrooge and Donald hate him. Gladstone in this reboot is a perfect example of why we need reboots or new adaptations in the first place: Because sometimes the original got something wrong or something can be done much better by the new writers.

He’s perfectly paired with the setting: The House of Lucky Fortune, a mystical casino with an East Asian astatic based in the country of Macaw and provides two great plots. Donald’s really highlights his character: His understandable jealousy at gladstone earning the boys love through nothing while he struggles to make a living for them, and how he feels like a looser and like Gladstone is simply showing that off instead of just not knowing what empathy is. Having Louie be the one to bond with Gladstone was also just pitch pefefct, as is showing some depth for the boy by having himr ealize his hero is an asshole and be the one to help donald in the end.

The other plot is just pure joy though and is where the setting REALLY shines: Scrooge and the rest of the kids try to leave.. but can’t find the exit. This is where the creative part comes in: The Casino simply morphs to keep people trapped, and caters to them, giving them whatever they want to keep them trapped. In the cases of the kids it’s all hilarious and adorably in character: Huey becomes entranced by a fancy water show, in one of his best bits of the season, Dewey gets a pet tiger who sadly did not come home with him and Webby gets to live the dream we’ve all had of stuffing her face directly in a choclate fountain. Scrooge’s escape is likewise clever: He simply prepares to get a room.. then books it as the check in desk is ALWAYS near the front.

We then find out Gladston’es trapped get the whole mystical contest with absolutely gorgeous animation, i’ll talk about it in full some time but this episode is just a treat to watch, has a great arc for donald and had some memorable gags. I can’t help but smile when I watch it.

11. The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee! As I mentioned before i’m a superhero nerd so naturally Fenton was one of my faviorite parts of the show. Frank and Matt were just damn good at crafting superhero stories, and like gladstone improved fenton turning him from an awkward donald stand in to an awkward peter parker-esque science nerd who just wants to be a good person and the best hero he can be. He got into science not just because he thinks it’s neat, but because he honestly wants to help people and you can’t help but foot for him whenever he pops up. Lin Manuel Miranda is a large reason for that, bringing his incomparable a-game to the character. While we sadly didn’t get a ton of gizmoduck focused episodes, the fatct we got AS MANY as we did and that Lin didn’t drop out for a minute even with his busy schedule was a miracle and I’m acknowledging that.

As for why this one, I feel it builds brilliantly on the previous Fentoncentric episode Who Is Gizmoduck?! which just BARELY didn’t make this list and uses the fact we haven’t seen fenton in a while as both a plot point and to move some things forward without having to spend screentime they clearly didn’t have. By having Fenton be just burnt out on superheroics it finds a way to both explain where he’s been, he’s been busy with his new job, and give us an interesting angle to the old “superhero is tired of the life” thing. He never once complains about saving people or stuff... it’s just like any job it gets tiring after a while. As someone who has his dream job but has struggled with it from time to time, I vastly relate.

Though while I love my boy and Lin is game as always, the episodes real MVP is my other boy Huey. The episode has moved Huey up from being simply Fenton’s fanboy to being his best friend, and adorable as hell relationship. The two clearly respect and appricate each other and Huey is looking out for his buddy the whole episode. His love of love is also just really cute. Added in the mix is Webby, who in one of my faviorite gags of the series, finds out Fenton is Gizmoduck because Huey is incredibly and insanely blatant with his unecessary coverup. But she of course is game to help while Fenton is trying to play it casual. We also just get a waterfall of great gags as everyone overdoes it wingmanning for fenton: Huey sets up an itallian bistro and tries to purposfully create a lady and the tramp situation, and sings opera (With Manny on acordian), the wonderfully 80′s suit from Fenton’s dad his mom gives him to wear, and Launchpad, who gives us a tremendous list of his exes, and plays my favorite song of the series: It’s a Date, a micheal mcdonnel riff.

This episode also wisely ups Mark’s Beaks game as Fenton’s arch enemy, still keeping him hilaroius, with the guy acting like a bored teenager and guzzling so much nanite jucie he turns into a hulk, as well as said hulk mode leading to a ton of great gags from kidnapping the children (”I got your kids.. are they your kids? I don’t know how this family works), to “take that coach dad” to eating a pie with tins and all and wondering about said tins. But he’s an actual threat now, taking on fenton in one hell of a fight, and having an utterly transcendent scene where he hacks his way past gyro’s security while dancing.. and dabbing because of course he does. It’s a fun, well done character piece that’s mostly here for i’ts laugh but Fenton’s struggle with Gizmo overtaking his life, and finding out someone he truly hit it off iwth only wanted him for that.. it’s really good stuff and Lin’s delivery after Fenton finds out, the pure pain and betryal in his voice, is just excellent. Also that opera scene is poetry.

10. Quack Pack!

One of the episodes that started my career naturally landed here. Not for that reason though: Quack Pack is a fun riff on sitcoms, specifically the tgif ones of the 90′s that Disney Afternoon Kids no doubt also watched, the kinds Disney Channel still makes today, and most importanly the kind the Disney Afternoon itself made like Goof Troop and well... Quack Pack.

Riffs on sitcoms are nothing new and the last year has been FULL of them. 2020 gave us this episode, Beef House and the wonderful “The Perfect House” episode of Close Enough, and this year gave us WandaVision, my second favorite MCU project so far, right behind Black Panther, which used the sitcom deconstruction to create one hell of a character study.

So you’d think with a year having passed and this concept happening as an entire mini series would dull this one.. but no. it’s still damn funny, having fun at the cliches while, again like WandaVision, having one of the main cast be responsible by accident but go along with it. The episode pivots from glorious affectionate parody of cheesy sitcoms, to that plus horrifying “Humans”, and a character piece for Donald. This brings Donald’s hatred and fed up ness with adventure to a head revealing his fondest wish is just to have a normal life and not loose anyone again.

It takes one of his best friends to snap him out of it. Look Goofy is my second faviorite of the sensational seven, an episode with him was already an easy sell for me.. but the episode uses him really well. First for laughs as he’s gentically dispositioned to be a perfect sitcom neighbor.. but also for heart. With his family preoccupied and a bit hurt, i’ts Goofy who cuts to the heart of the issue, pointing out NO ONE is normal and even his normal domestic life raising Max, who we see go to prom with roxanne eeeeee, has all sorts of chaos. Normal is what you make of it and pining for some ideal that will never happen was just tearing donald apart piece by piece and by letting go of that.. he finally begins to grow as a person throughout the season. It’s also a great thematic tie in to the season’s overall plot with Bradford and what Makes donald, despite also disliking the chaos his family gets into, different. Donald accepted it and grew as a person.. Bradford clung to his hate and it ate him alive. Or turned him into a non-sapient kind of vulture. Before I close this part out Jaleel White is also excellent and I wish eh’d get back into voice acting. He’s so freaking good at it. Seriously man i’d love to see him and ben in a sonic property together as a mythology gag. Same with Jims cummings and carey. Just think about it whoever owns the sonic movies.. think about it.

9. The Last Adventure!

Look I knew this was coming, you knew this was coming. But it had to be on here. The Last Adventure is not perfect: The lack of a build up episode like the previous two finales had really hurt this one: even at about 70 minutes, it still feels rushed in places and Huey, one of hte main characters of the season, dosen’t feel like he has a full payoff to his character like Dewey and Louie got.

But despite those flaws.. this episode is just a damn good ending. Almost everyone gets a big moment paying off their character arc, everyone in the party that comes to rescue webby and huey, along with the two themselves, gets a moment to show off, and everything comes together to give us one last epic sendoff. There’s just moment stacked on moment stacked on moment from Launchpads heroic second wind and donning of the gizmoduck armor, to Webby’s tearful confrontation with Beakley, to Huey using the greatest adventure of all line to foil bradford in one of the most deligfhully nuts moments of the series, I could go on for days with just how triumphant this finale felt. While it left a lot of doors open.. that feels like part of the design. It’s the end of the fight with FOWL.. but our heroes will never stop adventuring, never stop going and never stop being in our hearts and the curtain call at the end is now my faviorite bit of end credits ever, perfectly giving the main cast and friends one last chance to take a bow in their own unique ways. I will always miss this show but I will never be disapointed by the note it went out on.

8. The 87 Cent Solution!

Look some episodes are show stoppers, some are heartfelt tearjerkers, some are all this and more.. and some episodes are just clever and hilarious. The 87 Solution is the second funniest episode of Ducktales with me and my go to episode when watching the show. It’s just pure fun and with a clever premise: Scrooge notices 87 cents have gone missing, and already coming down with a cold, goes mad with paranoia as the kids slowly don face masks, something that has become even eeerier given everything, one by one realizing he needs to stop.

While David Tennant is an EXCELLENT dramatic actor, his comedy timing is really something that shoudln’t be ignored and i’ts on full display here as his performance gets more and more deranged, to thep oint he thinks an 8th dimensional imp is repsonsible. He nicely balances the disturbing side of Scrooge’s paranoia, his distancing from his family, with plenty of great gags about it too, the standout being when he offers 2 million dollars to whoever took the money like he’s publicly appeasing kidnappers. It’s fucking brilliant.

But while David is awesome as ever what really, truly makes the episode is my boy, one of my faviorite characters on the show if not my single faviriote FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD. Keith Ferguson is ALWAYS a dream as the character but this is his best performance by far. Part of this is the addition of Zan Owlson, Kev who I mentioned earlier’s faviorite Ducktales character. She’s not only throughly likeable in her own right, but provides the one thing Flinty was missing; a straight man.. or woman in this case. Scrooge wasn’t TERRIBLE in the roll, but can easily step away from his shit or foil it. Owlson has to put up with Glomgold’s nonsense while desperatly trying to stop him from undoing all her hard work with sheer force of jackass. The two jut play off each other brilliantly, Glomgold not getting sh’es not his employee but his equal and Owlson constnatly snarking at him.

And of course both things hit their peak in the climax with the family staging a fake funeral (Though no one told donald it was fake), and we get the funniest scene in the entire fucking show as Glomgold burts in in a white suit, money shades and full dance number to “All I Do Is Win’, which when first watching this I was convinced the song was somehow accidnetly on in the background but nope. They got it after using it in the test phase and the scene is better for it. Glomgold twerking on Scrooge’s casket, trying to get on it to dance, and having to be placated like ac hild is the icing on this very rich cake

And the reveal scene is also gold as Glomgold gets into a YEARLONG staring contest with a baby, fails to steal more than the 87 cents and, in my faviorite touch, put on an imp costume just to make scrooge seem crazier... then keeps the damn thing on the rest of the time for no explicable reason. The episode is the show at it’s comedic peak while giving Glomgold a chance to be a genuine threat and that’s Glomgood.

7. Let’s Get Dangerous!

Frank’s Rebooted Version of Darkwing Duck is probably his greatest achivment with the show. While this show is a team effort, something I slowly realized as I reviewed the show, it’s very clear from the way he talks, how well he knows the show and how much effort was put into porting Darkwing into the reboot that this was his baby. While redefining ducktales for the 2010′s was clearly a huge dream of his... doing the same for the master of suprise was an even bigger goal. And as a huge fan of superheroes i’ve seen my fair share of half assed takes on laired and complex characters. The XCU alone is one giant grab bag of missed opportunities for me.

So i’ts no exageration when I tell you Frank.. nailed it. In one of the most brilliant moves i’ve seen for a superhero work Frank worked his love of the show into the reboot.. by having Darkwing have been a show, one Launchpad loved.. and so did Drake, who was inspried by the show to become an inspriation himself and while his attempt to do that through a zack snydery reboot failed, Launchpad encouraged him to do it for real. Drake was still himself, but the meta aspect and the toning down of some of darkwing’s more obnoxious traits that didn’t work in a universe that, while patently rediciulous still took it’s characters seriously, he made a BETTER version of the character.

This is where all that comes to it’s peak, and hoppefully convinced Disney to let Frank , and possibly matt, run the reboot. And no, even if Point Grey is producing that dosen’t stop that: Thanks to Invincible i’ve now realized that Seth and his friend Evan producing the show dosen’t mean it’ll be RAN by them, nor unrelated to this. It just means their helping make it and if anything given how lush and gorgeous invincible’s animation is, it’s a VERY good sign their helping out with it if it’s true.

But wether this versoin continues or not, Frank gave it his best shot. Part of his diffrent angle is having Drake as a rookie here and as such here we see him truly struggle: he’s had his origin, he ahs the cape, he has the gadgets (in a brilliant turn thanks to fenton, who he actually likes... but is so far the ONLY person to not get he’s Gizmoduck), and the city.. but no crime to fight and no real idea how to go about his lifelong dream. The events of the episode slowly shape him: WHile he already had the spirit for darkwing, never giving up, looking good in a cape etc, this episode gives him the heart the same way it gave his original it: With Gosalyn. Dimantopolis and Beatriz just play off each other perfectly, as the two go from neimies to slowly bonding as Drake realizes this kid needs him and that he needs to fight for more than just filing the ohle inside, and goes to hell and back to help her get her grandpa back, with one of the best moments of the episode to me being when Launchpad helps her realize how hard he’s been working at it, an exausted drake refusing to acccept that he can’t get her grandpa back because he promised. He grows from simply trying to live the dream.. to surpassing the original. We also see more from Launchpad, who grows into his new family and helps push his boyfriend and newa dopted daughter in the right directions. The episode really evolves these characters from the simple disney afternoon versions, who while awesome were made into fully fleshed out characters. Gosalyn still has her edge but now has a hard lesson to learn about doing the right thing, forced to give up someone she loves for the greater good but finding a new family in the process.

Part of what makes the episode work though as while it is funcitonally one big darkwing duck reboot pilot that’s awesome, heartrending and a joy to watch... it’s still a ducktales episode in parts without either part hurting each other. Huey plays a vital role, figuring the ramrod is too good to be true.. and discovering just how it is, then when captured, slowly unravling why Bradford’s there and being at least in part responsible for outing him as a FOWL agent. While this is largely Drakes story the rest of the cast is still vital to it: Scrooge trusting in huey, Louie serving as his logical counter and Dewey meanwhile bonding with team darkwing and helping Gosalyn, knowing exactly where she’s been and providing a nice foil. The episode is just one long and impressive love letter to the original show while creating it’s own thing and that’s really this reboot in a nutshell. It also has some of the best fights of the series, with the first fight between darkwing and bulba, where our hero, unlike his original counterpart, easily troucnes bulba using his speed and skill, is the standout.

6. Woo-Ooo!

I covered this one recently so I won’t go on for too long.. but I will say I hold this one up as the gold standard for first episodes. In one hour, hell even in jus the first half we get a sense of the whole cast, the tone of the show, and the world we’ve been thrust into. It gets all the table setting out of the way by weaving it into a compelling story of Scrooge getting back in the game, finding a reason to get back to what he does best in those he loves most and setting up the season long arc effortlessly in the process. The worst I can say about the episode is it sets the bar a bit high for Season 1 and a lot of the first half really struggled to reach these heights. This episode is a masterwork and the perfect showcase for what the series would be at it’s height.

5. Moonvasion!

Speaking of Golden Standards, Moonvasion is one of the best season finale’s i’ve seen. it’s not THE best.. but that’s a really high bar to clear and that spots currently taken in my heart by “The Crossroads of Destiny” from Avatar the Last Airbender. But while not the best of it’s kind, it’s sitll the best the series put out and is an utterly satisfying epic that ties up season 2.

While I love the Last Adventure, it had a LOT to tie up and was really hampered by having to do all of that with no direct lead in. Moonvasion by contrast hits the ground running with the Moonlanders arriving on earth and all hell breaking loose, and the episode itself breaking into two stellar plots. Scrooge leading an army of every ally he has against the invaders, and Della seemingly going for reinforcements.. but really just trying to keep the kids safe from it, to their anger once they find out.

Both sides end up going badly: Scrooge looses most of his army as Lunaris was one step ahead of him and is left iwth Beakly and Launchpad, while Della ends up marooned.. and finds Donald. The reunion between the two is the highlight of the special, as the two argue as you’d expect (And Dewey cutting in seemingly to stop it.. only to rant at Donald for costing him “ten years of turbo” is the best gag of the episode), before embracing.

Our heroes naturally find ways to bounce back though. Louie, capping off his growth for the season, convinces his mom they can’t just hide.. and in the second best scene of the episode sings the lullabye she wrote.. one Donald sung them every night

And no sooner than Della gets her step back and realizes that dangerous or not she and her newly reunited family have to get back in there, do the cousins show up on Fethry’s giant shrimp/girlfriend Mitzi, and our heroes head back.

Scrooge’s plot hits i’ts peak though as he’s forced to accept the help of an unlikely and unwelcome ally: Glomgold, who turns out to be exactly what they need: While his plan is as stupid, short sighted and insane as you’d expect, complete with forcing Scrooge to dress up as santa just to piss him off and dressing his sharks in parkas (”I call them sharkas”), the sheer lonacy throws Lunaris off as he dosen’t know how to deal with this and Glomgold not only gets the better of him but gets his company back as part of his scheme. “You were prepared for our best but not our dumbest!” “And i’m the dumbest theirs ever been! Muahahahaha! Wait...”

And of course our other heroes arrive just in time to save things.. and the episode still manages to pull off what many works struggle to, something tha’ts very hard to: a SECOND climax. Lunaris decides to just say fuck it and blow up the earth and i’ts up to our core family to kick his ass in space. Epic space battles, Della’s girlfriend meeting the family and more insues and an emotoinal, action packed and fully satisfying finale is had by all... and it’s all topped with one of the best sequel hooks i’ve ever seen as FOWL makes themselves known to us.. and prepares to strike.

4. How Santa Stole Christmas! This one will also be short as i’ve talked about this one.. a lottttt. The initial review, my best christmas specials list and my best of 2020 list. I stand by all of that: this is a unique and wonderful christmas special, i’ll be watching it every year, and i’ts full of charm, humor and gay subtext. In short it’s this series but on christmas footing.

3. Last Crash of the Sunchaser!

Another one I covered very recently, this episode is a master piece of suspense, slowly building tension as our heroes get closer and closer to the truth about Della.. and to death, the simple but deadly stakes making this an absolute nailbiter from start to finish. This is some of the series best pacing bar none... but what seals it is the ending: the masterful flashback finally explaning whatever happened to Della duck, our heroes lashing out at each other.. all cumilating in the best Scene of the show. I said it might be in the review but no I can confirm: Scrooge bitterly ruminating over things while we find out just how much he’s lost... ending with him tearfully and angrily sitting once again alone in one hell of a powerful shot echoing Scrooge’s first apperance. Damn fine stuff.

2. Escape from The Impossbin Only one episode not only matches Last Crash in mounting tension and atmosphere but suprasses it. With FOWL and Bradford’s true nature now out in the wind, this episode uses that to create tension and rattles it’s two most unshakable characters: SCrooge’s normal boundless confidence is shot, not sure he can win this time against an opponent who knows him as well as he knows himself while Beakly slowly unravels, pitting Webby against the boys.. and pitting herself against Webby when Webby sees her terroizing them is only dividing them. Both plots start out funny enough but slowly escalate in tension and stakes until by the end your on the edge of your seat. The Beakly plot is the standout of the two, giving Bentina the starring role she badly needed, having gotten even better in light of the finale. Everyone is at the top of their game and everything builds up to one hell of a twist ending and one hell of a badass boast from our heroes: Their down.. but their far from out and this is far from over.

1. Nightmare On Kimotor Hill!

I”ll be reviewing this episode in full later this week as part of my Lena retrospective, but I stand by putting it up top. This episode is ducktales in it’s purest form and focuses on it’s best original character as Lena grapples with her self hatred and her past. That core helps anchor an amazing concept: going into the Kid’s dreams and finding out their greatest desires. The results.. are all gloriously rediclous and are easily the best gags of hte series as a whole: Dewey’s high school musical santa claus is going ot high school nonsense from getting a’s in Dewology to running away from the abstract concept of a love intrest, to not getting the sybolism of himself crying a moon made of his own tears. Louie quite literally becoming garfield, and my faviorite scene of the show: Huey, wanting to be the tall older brother..g iving himself horrifcly long leg. While everyone else is just understandably baffled, what makes the scene is the banter between Dewey and Huey, with Schwartz and Pudi at their best as Dewey first freaks out and then asks what the hell man, while Huey defends his weird decision (”I”m not good at imagination stuff okay!”), and then tries to get a jar of pickles. Each dream is just so oddly and wonderfully specific to each kid and each one of the triplests dreams, as well as violets being color coded down tot he backgrounds is a very nice touch. The visuals here are just peak ducktales, using the setting for all it’s worth and the climax is utterly emotoinal and heartbreaking... and Lena’s break from her abuser, finally realizing she has the power now is not only a wonderful metaphor... but also just so damn cathartic. And that’s why this one’s the best to me personally: it just packs so much into 20 minutes: some of the series best and most creative jokes, a gripping emtoinal arc, and so much more. It’s just that damn good and tha’ts why it’s the best... that and starting Huelet for me. Seriously that LIbrary scene is so fucking cute.

Thank you all for reading. If you liked this artcle, join my patreon and help me get to my stretch goal for monthly darkwing duck reviews, a review of super ducktales and more after! Until the next rainbow... it’s been a pleasure.

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pastafossa · 3 years

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✨AO3 Tag Game✨

tagged by: @letterfromvienna ! THANK YOU MY FRIENDDDD! 💞

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I’ve got 6 on my current AO3 username (Pastafossa) and 10 on my hiatused username HarbingerOfWhimsy (didn’t want anyone giving me grief for reader fic 😂). So 16 total.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

All totaled between both: 466,387 holy shit ok, and 80% of that is The Red Thread, which has been mostly been done in the past year. I’m on a ROLLLLL. 💪

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Between the two usernames I have on AO3, I’ve hit Daredevil, Falcon and the Winter Soldier, The Mandalorian, Dragon Age, and Mass Effect!

Before that, I dabbled in fanfic for Supernatural, Mutant X, Moonlight, TMNT, Doctor Who, Haven, and iirc I had a Lizzie McGuire fic floating around when I first started. Most of those are looooong gone, though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. A Warm Blanket, my Mass Effect, F!Shepard/Garrus Vakarian one-shot fic, remains my most popular fic to date. ❤️

2. The Red Thread, my epically long, years-spanning Matt Murdock x Reader saga! 🥰

3. Ya’ll gonna laugh but I got stuck with a pregnancy prompt in a Dragon Age, Cullen x Inquisitor fic challenge despite hating the topic and I couldn’t get out of it because I was running the fucking challenge, so I forced myself write it, hated it the whole time, but folks enjoyed it. So that’s the story of This Pregnancy Keeps Dragon On. No pregnancy fic ever again please. 😂

4. Carl Hates You Jim, my Dragon Age fic on what the guards always stationed outside the office door thought of the Inquisitor banging Commander Cullen in the noisy sex scene in game!

5. “You Wanna Try That Again?”, my Din Djarin x Reader smutty af entry into the fandom! Delicious, delicious smut, this is the fucking waaaaaay. 🔥

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to respond to every comment if I can, though things get busy sometimes. But for me writing has always been a social activity. If I was just writing for me, I’d leave it in my docs. Fic is something I want to share, it’s something I write partially so I can make people feel things and invoke emotion. Responding to comments is also one of the things I love about an ongoing fic. It feels like an adventure we’re all taking together! I love that so, so much. Also I’m an extrovert, I need the energy of social contact, gimme

Got a bit long, so rest behind the cut!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

THERE ISN’T ONE, WE ALWAYS GET A FUCKING HAPPY ENDING except those angsty ask fics I’m working on you know who you are

Me on every fic so far:

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Every now and then! My Daredevil crossover with Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Hubris, is my craziest so far. Just two himbos... and their handlers. Bless.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I’ve gotten one or two shitty comments over the years, or been told by crusty Old Writers Shouting At Clouds and hipsters in Fanfic groups that ReAdEr FiC iS sO cRiNgE, but I’m long past the point where I care.🤣

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I definitely write smut! As for what kind, idk, just whatever I feel like fits the characters. I’ve written smut with D/S or switching dynamics, clothes ripping, edging, super emotional, very feral, touch kinks, oral kinks, biting kinks, mutual masturbation, Armor Stays On, little bit of bondage. I even did a parody fic for a Bad Smut contest, that was wild. The only thing I can think of that’s truly consistent across all my smut is that there will be mentions of emotions/feelings, and there will be a lot of sensory descriptions cause I find that the BEST. 🥵

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I unfortunately have! A reader alerted me a few months back to someone who’d taken Red Thread and made a few little changes and posted it to Wattpad. First time I’ve ever had it happen, so that was kinda wild.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven’t, although I’d be open to it eventually if I had time for it!

12. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

*whispers* There’s no Shepard without Vakarian. Shepard x Garrus is a thing of beauty.

13. What are your thoughts about writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I’ve toyed with it a little in Red Thread, where I have Ciro speaking a little Italian, though not much. I think it can be done, and I’ve seen some really creative ways it’s been done, but as of yet I wouldn’t feel confident doing it with any serious regularity.

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

It was either Lizzie McGuire or Mutant X, and they were both terrible. 🤪 But at least they’re proof of how far I’ve come!

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Definitely The Red Thread. It’s a huge behemoth of a fic, but it’s also my love song, essentially, to my favorite fictional work ever, and to my favorite characters. <3 It also makes me proud to look at, because I’ve put everything I’ve ever learned about writing into it. Because I started it a few years ago, you can literally track the little changes I made as I grew more comfortable and honed in on my own style. I’m really, really in love with that fic! ☺️

no pressure tags: @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @shurisneakers @ezrasbirdie @krissology @buckysbiota

#tag game #def no pressure tags!#AO3 #I like how my two most popular fics #one is like 3k words #and the other is almost 400k words #THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN #and now you get to see one of my other pen name alter egos LOL #tbh though in Warm Blanket I think you can see some early shades of TRT #which I find fascinating now that I'm looking #I HATED THAT PREGNANCY FIC SO MUCH #BUT I HAD GIVEN A SPEECH ABOUT HOW WE'RE HERE TO GROW #and then got fucking THAT in my random prompt assignment #thanks universeeee #it would be so fucking weird if I bumped into another cullenite here and we knew each other

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ghostlypawn · 3 years

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Okay here’s a weird one for you

Let’s say we lived in a society where arranged marriages were common but where the gender of the involved parties was irrelevant so same sex couples are go and what not. If we also remove any pertinent age differences, who in Criminal Minds, ABH, Tigers, and any other show you feel like answering for would you most and least like your matchmaker to pair you with and why?

cm -> id kinda b happy with anyone [just bau members] i think idk i feel like matt IS the obvious choice literal husband material and least being rossi or hotch bc... obvious reasons once again but ignoring the blatant problem adults i dont think id work w spencer i think we're too similar it would be a sufficient marriage but i dont think he could give me everything i need (this sounds sexual i dont fully mean it like that 😭)

abh -> tabatha is my wife already and angus can choke so

watt -> cairo is also already my wife (also clark my himbo king) and i think being married to kate would just be so annoying pls 😭 also annleigh? i dont think i could marry someone with religion as such a prominent thing in their life idk

i think the marry trend is confident, outspoken, socially dominant people with a secret heart of gold

#i think i could get along with most of all the cast tbh #like i dont think id suffer that much w anyone except ones mentioned

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thebachelordiaries · 4 years

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Clare seeks HIMBO: ‘The Bachelorette’ cast first impressions

The Covid-19 pandemic has been rough for the entire world, but Bachelor Nation faced some dark days too. Going eight months without a single new episode from The Bachelor franchise is something I would really like to not relive.

Fortunately, those dark days are over. Clare’s season has me sucked back in.

The quality of this image is atrocious.

Most of these men—presuming they followed CDC’s social distancing guidelines— haven’t seen a woman in months, are touch deprived, possibly unemployed and contemplating moving back to their hometown while stalking the housing market on Zillow. Everyone’s desperate. That makes for some pretty good TV.

This season features men ranging from ages 26 to 41. We’ve got a boy band manager, a grooming specialist, several men who look like they masturbate in front of full length mirrors and even more who probably want me to join their MLM pyramid scheme.

I’ve never been more ready to roast a bunch of men who have nightmares about going bald. It’s all I’ve wanted to do since March.

Let’s go:

AJ, 28, Software sales

AJ is the kind of guy who writes “Looking for the Pam to my Jim <3″ on his Bumble profile. His bio is generic and probably not reflective of who he is as a person. If I were Clare I’d swipe left.

Ben, 29, Army ranger veteran

“Ben's favorite indulgence is an ice bath.“ Well then.

Alexa, play “Run” by AWOLNATION.

Bennett, 36, Wealth management consultant

Bennett’s profile is the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. This man says he is the total package but hasn’t always been "this successful and good looking.” But wait, there’s more: “According to Bennett, his high school girlfriend is the only girl he's ever had to work for.“

Can someone tell me what NYC neighborhood he lives in so I can blacklist it?

Blake M1, 31, Male grooming specialist

Blake’s just another stereotypical “29th round draft pick who sat on the bench of the practice team before getting cut, but claims he left the sport due to an injury on his own accord.”

Blake M2, 29, Wildlife manager

This Blake is an outdoorsy Canadian who seems pretty genuine and cool. Unfortunately, he has the face of someone who’d get sent home on night one. I hope I’m wrong.

Brandon, 28, Real Estate Agent

Just another boring hot person. Nothing to see here.

Brendan, 30, Commercial roofer

Brandan, not to be confused for Brandon, “loves some good true crime, working out and hanging out with his friends.” I can’t even make fun of this man. We have the exact same interests.

Chasen, 31, IT account executive

The Winklevoss twins are actually triplets and Chasen is their long lost brother. But more seriously, have you ever seen someone who looks more like their name than this man?

Chris, 27, Landscape design salesman

“Chris hopes to find a woman who is sharp and witty but also easygoing.” Chris, sweetheart, have you met Clare? Easygoing...? There’s still time back out of this before it’s too late.

Dale, 31, Former pro football wide receiver

Dale aggressively screams “Bachelor material.” I’d say he’s auditioning for that role but Matt James already scooped it up. Better luck next year, Daley.

Demar, 26, Spin cycling instructor

Demar is a “very popular spin instructor in Scottsdale and says he can get on that bike and spin to any beat thrown his way.” Imagine how many trophy wives Demar has f*cked?

Eazy, 29, Sports marketing agent

Eazy is very similar to Dale on paper. Except his name is Eazy so he automatically loses that battle.

Ed, 33, Health care salesman

“Ed is looking to find a woman who has natural beauty without looking overly fake.” Ed deserves to die alone.

Garin, 34, Professor of Journalism

Garin’s bio is giving me hubby material vibes. And maybe a little bit of a “gets eliminated on night one” vibe too.

Ivan, 28, Aeronautical Engineer

Ivan, what are you doing here? We’re in a recession. Please go back to your normal job before it’s too late.

Jason, 31, Former pro football linemen

“He is a former NFL offensive lineman who, after suffering too many concussions on the field, decided to prioritize his health and change the direction of his life.” A big, brawny HIMBO with CTE? I feel like he’s Clare’s type.

Jay, 29, Fitness director

There are too many things about Jay that I dislike and I’m trying to keep this brief. Jay says “it's time to take a break from worrying about others and focus on himself instead.” I am willing to bet money that this man has never made a woman c*m.

Jeremy, 40, Banker

Jeremy is the oldest contestant ever to come on "The Bachelorette,” which may seem like a monuments accomplishment but he’s literally only one year older than Clare.

He also “hates Instagram models, both male and female,” so he should have a lot of fun here.

Joe, 36, Anesthesiologist

Before I even saw his profession and location, I thought Joe looked like a doctor I’d find on a NYC dating app...and...uh...I probably did see him on there now that I think about it.

Anyway, this man has apparently been through seven stages of hell while on the front lines fighting Covid-19 in NYC so I definitely think he deserves to find love. Someone marry him please.

Jordan C, 26, Software account executive

I can already tell Jordan is going to get the “I’m young but mature” edit which means he’s probably not going to be good TV.

Too bad someone a tad younger (like Tayshia) wasn’t the Bachelorette. I feel like they’d make a cute couple.

Jordan M., 30, Cyber security engineer

I was going to say something mean but Jordan’s into cyber security and I don’t want my blog to be deactivated, so never mind. Cast photos are historically bad so I’m sure he looks much better in real life.

Kenny, 39, Boy band manager

I could go for the obvious drags regarding this man’s profession (or his sh*tty chest tattoo, or his suspiciously boyish face relative to his age), but I like to think I’m more clever than that.

I’d like to take this time to talk about men, who are obviously difficult people, who rant and rave about how they want an “easygoing” woman. Look into the mirror, bud. No, not the one you use to jerk off to your reflection; the mirror that looks into your soul. Out of respect for the rest of humankind, have some self-awareness. Or maybe just see a therapist.

Mike, 38, Digital media advisor

Mike is seemingly a decent catch, but I can’t help but wonder why he’s still single or how he never (accidentally or on purpose) impregnated a woman in his 38 years of life.

And now that I’m thinking about it, do any of these men have children? I have yet to see any mention of it in their bios. But there are eight men left to review, so there’s still time.

Page, 37, Chef

I spoke too soon. Page is a father! He also hates football! I’m a fan of this man. I was initially going to drag him for his name and say that Page is not a real name. PAIGE is a real name. PAGE is a piece of paper. I’m allowed to say this because we have the same name except mine is spelled the correct way. Based on my (mostly positive) review of his cast bio, I have decided not to hold his name against him.

Riley, 30, Long Island City

Riley, once married with children, would like to go on a family vacation that consists of touring every single MLB stadium in the country. If i were his wife, I would simply never give this man children.

Robby, 30, Insurance broker

No more Robbys on The Bachelorette. Society has evolved past its need for more Robbys.

This Robby described his dream woman as: “Incredibly athletic and able to throw back a few beers with him after a day of hiking. She has a sweet personality and won't mind that he spends his Sundays on the golf course.”

Someone please give this man a sex doll. He just wants a hole.

Tyler C., 27, Lawyer

“Tyler C. is a badass lawyer who says he is a businessman by day and a cowboy by night.” How does that make him a lawyer? Does this mean he’s into cosplay? I’m confused.

Tyler S., 36, Music manager

Tyler makes an honorable living off riding his brother’s dick success as a country singer. “He just LOVES his job!” Uh yeah, I would too if I had a low-show, high-paying job off the merits of nepotism. It’s the American dream.

Yosef, 30, Medical device salesman

Another dad! He’s totally going to pull the “girl dad” narrative. That saying is kind of sexist to me but the masses generally eat it up, so I’m fairly confident Yosef will get the "sweet guy” edit he’s looking for.

Zac C., 36, Addiction specialist

“He loves Philadelphia sports and dreams of sharing a Philly Cheesesteak with his future wife while watching the Eagles win a Super Bowl.” This man is so South Jersey it hurts.

On a more serious note, I don’t think anyone in recent history has spoken openly about their personal struggle with addiction on this show, so I hope Zac gets a chance to tell his story.

Zach J., 37, Cleaning service owner

Zach is seemingly obsessed with Clare already and hopes to introduce her to his mom as his fiancée. Since Zach watched Clare on Juan Pablo’s season, you’d think he’d know that Clare would first meet his mom during the final four hometown dates. Assuming he makes it that far. My prediction is that he won’t.

Final thoughts

After eight long months Bachelor Mondays are back!!!

Uhh....wait.

Actually, we now have the less-exciting Bachelor Tuesdays. Yeah, it definitely doesn’t have the same ring to it. But I’ll take anything at this point.

Here are my final predictions:

First impression rose: Dale. It just looks like he can turn on the bullsh*t charm

Final rose: Jason. Clare wants a HIMBO I just know it.

Bachelor: nobody (Matt James is The Bachelor)

Most likely to get engaged on Bachelor in Paradise: Blake M2

Most likely to get canceled online: Bennett

Most likely to get sent home night one but deserve better: Chris

Who are your favorite men cast on this season?

#The Bachelorette #abc #clare crawley #chris harrison #photo credit: ABC

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moonelf19 · 4 years

Text

I was thinking about how Travis could misinterpret being told he has a seed of darkness he has to carry, and while my initial reaction to a lot of what Travis ‘misses’ is just Travis = himbo a new though occurred to me

Two things stand out to me from what Travis said this week on talks. One, Travis misunderstood a lot of what has happened in Fjords storyline. Two, Fjord has been through some dark stuff.

So here’s the thing. Yeah, Travis has struggled this campaign remembering things, but I don’t think “seed of darkness” was him forgetting or rolling a nat one wisdom/int

I think maybe Travis thought the Wildmother/Matt were referring to the dark history Fjord carries. Fjord has done some bad stuff in his time, but we don’t hear much about it because in comparison to Caleb it’s probably more grey area than outright evil. So to Travis, and Fjord, thinking that he still needs to right wrongs, he’s still carrying guilt, he still feels like he has to EARN the right to be a Good Guy and a Hero? When someone says he’s carrying darkness that’s probably what he thought of first.

Clearly what Wildmother means is that I’m still kind of a bad person and I have to work harder to better myself and redeem myself from my past mistakes— is actually a pretty insightful take, and it makes sense, it’s informed a lot of Fjords actions. He stopped lying to the group, he is trying to be as honest as he can be, he’s trying to put good into the world.

I think, I mean it’s just a thought, but I think if the Wildmother had said something more explicit like “this seed of darkness, this Eye of Ukatoa, I can’t remove for you, but I can help you carry it until you can remove it yourself” Fjord would have

A- maybe not shared with the group, might have kept his secrets, might have been a bit shady

B- been pretty motivated to GET IT OUT

Something tells me Fjord, having thrown this powerful weapon away to be rid of ukatoa, would have also hauled titties trying to get the eye out. And maybe that journey would have led him to a similar place, trying to make up for what he had done pre-stream, but his plot/quest/character arc would have felt less ‘finished’ because it would have been affecting Travis’ character choices. He still has something left to do to be rid of Ukatoa. It wouldn’t be Fjord, adjusting to faith in the Wildmother without thinking about his patron. It would have been Fjord, feeling like he has to fight his way to faith in the Wildmother by completing a quest to get this stupid eye out of his chest.

Which is what will likely happen NOW, since it has been spelled out for Fjord that This Isn’t Over. I’m curious what will happen next for our Green Man. I want him to talk to people about it.

You know. After they revive him. Which they will. Right away. First five minutes of 99. No worries.

#critical role #also i want to be clear #travis is NOT stupid!!!#hes clearly REALLY smart and creative!!!!#just because he has focus issues does NOT make travis an idiot!!#just because he plays up the Big Dumb Jock doesnt make it true!!#its cute and endearing when he does it but BOY IS SMART #i feel bad that he tends to self depricate when he misses things #like no travis listen #you have something else going on #youre still smart as hell #i wont stand for travis bullying!!!#EVEN FROM TRAVIS

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utilitycaster · 4 years

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Your fav character from each class in all the actual plays you’ve watched?

THE BEST QUESTION (if hard). I’m only counting regular PCs here; see the end for some guest/NPC/one-shot mentions. As you can see I love basically all characters but I do have my favorites.

Barbarian: there is a high potential, now that Ashley is back for good, that Yasha will win this next year but for now Gorgug and his sweet awkwardness and confused attempts to find his dad wins. (some other good barbarians: Grog, Beryl from Relics and Rarities who was a. kind of a stoner and b. an absolute delight and c. a cool depiction of path of the ancestral guardian, and Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, sweet crepe loving failure)

Bard: I love Fig, but I have to go Scanlan. You know that art piece of the Vecna battle that’s overlaid with the All Work No Play “what would the worst character be” line? Yeah. From “I’m snoring after having sex” to “I was saving it for Vax”. You just can’t beat that. (some other good bards: Annabella from Relics and Rarities, Misty from Dimension 20)

Cleric: this is probably the hardest category (shout out to a lot of clerics. Jester, Kingston, and Kristen are tied for second place) but I think I have to go with Caduceus. I love how much he sees of everyone else and how little we know of him. I love how not-so-secretly judgemental he is. I love his bone flute. I love that he’s quietly trying to save his dying home, and perhaps find family that might be dead. Someone hug him for me. (I would like to recognize Pike and Merle of course, as well as Efink Murderdeath here, and while I’m only 7 episodes in I think Zolf is already my favorite of RQG. )

Druid: Keyleth. I feel like TAZ is at a disadvantage because they’re so early on in Graduation, but also I love the Firbolg but I am not sure a druid will ever surpass Keyleth, with all her messy awkwardness and genuine desire to do good at any cost. (shout out to Ricky Huckster for being a really unique take on the druid, Lillith from Escape from the Bloodkeep for being a great wine mom, and to Kugrash who is currently ripping my heart out)

Fighter: I’m surprising myself here but the recent developments with Fabian Seacaster have put him in the forefront, I think because his story is still ongoing and because I’m a sucker for an arrogant jock suddenly confronting mortality and failure. I do still love Percival De Rolo a lot though. (shout out to Magnus Burnsides who is good at everything, and Veros the O.G. Himbo from Relics and Rarities)

Monk: Beau. This is another case of like, I love Sofia Bicicleta too, but Marisha Ray has some kind of genius for playing female characters that really tap into like, things that many women I think feel but don’t know how to express (at least, I, a woman, feel these things and don’t know how to express them). Beau is such a complicated abrasive character who feels things deeply, and who has genuinely tried and succeeded in changing. She’s so dynamic and wonderful and I love her to bits.

Paladin: Vax. I wrote a whole piece about my experience of listening to CR campaign 1 episode 57 that I never published or posted. I think there’s something deeply profound and beautiful about sticking to an oath that you didn’t ever think you’d choose, and to a promise you fell into. (also, spoilers but Fjord’s going to be my choice for Warlock so I cover that there even though one of my favorite things about him is his switch to Paladin). (shout out, of course, to Ricky Matsui)

Ranger: Vex. Due to some valid and some invalid complaints about the ranger class few people play it, which is a shame because the revised ranger options are pretty great (Horizon Walker is amazing, I say as an admitted fan of weird planar shit) and because like, Aragorn was my favorite LOTR character. But yeah, everything I’ve said about Keyleth and Beau applies to Vex, the D&D character I think I relate most to despite my irl stats not matching hers at all (I do not have 17 Charisma). The imposter syndrome, the need to appear that everything is under control, the sibling loyalty, the stubbornness, the quiet leadership - it’s all so perfect and so unique and I love her very much. (Sokhbarr was a fun take though)

Rogue: put Vax as Paladin so I could nominate Riz as my favorite rogue (and again, I love Nott and enjoy what I’ve seen of Argo, and to be fair, Sasha seems very good as well) but I think the inquisitive subclass is so cool and Riz has such a wonderful arc. Also, goblin with gun is great but goblin high schooler with gun is straight up genius.

Sorcerer: a very rare class, tbh, with Pete getting it by default. He is indeed a fascinating character though, and tying his sorcery into the mythology of the world is a pretty brilliant DM move. (I also am very into Hamid thus far, not in the least because I love halflings)

Warlock: Fjord. I liked Fjord from the start, and even when he was being an ass during the pirate arc found him relatable. I think it might be my background as a bard player that makes me love this disaster who survived for years on just a high constitution and being really good at talking and playing roles; I also love someone who isn’t the greatest leader but falls into it, and someone with control issues working through it (see also: Vex, Percy) And finally, I don’t know if Travis was telling the truth about him being lawful good but he genuinely does want to make things better for people and he takes responsibility very seriously. (obviously, I also really liked Leland, and while I think of both Fig and Sofia as primarily of their main classes of bard and monk, they are cool as warlocks. I get why Emily Axford keeps gunning for Hexblade).

Wizard: Caleb. Given all the other sources of magic it’s always fascinating to see why someone becomes a wizard specifically, and I also like how complex Caleb is - not just the trauma, though that’s part, but the humor and the versatility. (Adaine was a close runner-up though, and Taako was my favorite of THB but is a little too goofy to be a favorite).

Artificer: I mean, obviously Tary.

NPCs and guests, with less commentary:

Barbarian: gonna go with Lionel the True Polymorphed Duck here.

Bard: Hazel Copperpot, she of the 1930s radio accent

Cleric: again very difficult, but then again, not so difficult. Lieve’tel was great.

Druid: Nila, the sweet and calming presence in our hour of need.

Fighter: oh god I don’t know if I can choose between Keg, bisexual dwarven disaster, and Brian David Gilbert’s Hargis, awkward goliath theater kid.

Monk: Ferriwen Breeze, who I do hope shows up again because she was my favorite Darrington Brigade character and I really love Genasi; also Expositor Dairon, natch.

Paladin: few people play paladins as guests which is weird. I do like Kerrek, and I do like Arkhan, but like, Kima, clearly.

Ranger: Sandralynn Faeth, hands down. A wonderful NPC.

Rogue: I do love Cathilda, and I do love Twiggy, but I laughed about the Owlbear for the entire Darrington Brigade one shot.

Sorcerer: I mean...it has to be Gilmore, right? Calianna is great but no one can beat Gilmore.

Warlock: Zahra, who also, incidentally, is the only non-Hexblade Warlock who’s shown up. I mean hexblade is objectively amazing but Zahra is too.

Wizard: there have been many wizard NPCs across games and it was a very difficult choice but who else is graceful, unendingly kind and patient, and reliable in all situations? Allura Vyesoren is the wizard you wish your wizard could be. Yussa and Essek and Lup and Arthur Aguefort and Barry and Lyra and Ranier and far more wizard NPCs and guests are all wonderful in their own ways but like, did you think you could come for Matt Mercer’s self insert? you could not.

#d&d #critical role #relics and rarities #dimension 20 #TAZ #Anonymous

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deniigi · 5 years

Note

Has the wolverine in ur verses called Matt a himbo for sleeping with too many people? In fact has anyone told him he’s a himbo cuz he is

No, he hasn’t because Matt hates him in my verses and does everything that he can to avoid him.

I know this is a humorous question, but I actually spent some time a while back working out the relationship between my Matt (DFV) and Logan and it is in fact pretty sad.

Here’s a teeny bit from a larger piece that I wrote around that. Essentially, Logan finds Matt when he’s just starting out as DD and tries to mentor/dad him, unaware that Matt’s last mentor was horrendously abusive, and so he perceives Logan’s interest in him as another potentially abusive situation:

——

Logan had tried to guide Matt’s floating candle, when he’d first started out.

Matt had broken the jaw of a rapist and then that had turned into two burglars and that into a handful of gang members waving around guns they had no business in waving. And one day, while he’d blown warm air into the cups of his hands and had tried to think of a lie to tell Foggy when he asked him about his soon-to-be black fingernail, Logan’s heavy pine and tobacco and sharp bitter smell had settled down next to him and asked him if he was hungry.

He’d meant for food, and Matt thought that maybe he’d looked real scrappy back then, but Matt hadn’t been hungry for food for a while at that point. He’d finally had a regular paycheck. He could afford to buy even a meal or two out.

So yeah, he’d been hungry, but not for food. The Devil liked its meat uncooked and Matt’s Devil didn’t even like the meat. It just wanted the blood. Not to eat, but to bathe in.

He of course, back then, hadn’t had the clarity that he had now and had said something like, ‘no, sir,’ as an automatic response. In hindsight, if Matt as an old man sat down next to a barely-not-a-boy on a concrete slab and that barely-not-a-boy called him ‘sir’ without prompting—yeah, he’d be kind of concerned, too.

Who taught you to call people ‘sir?’ he’d ask. Why did they teach you that? Out of politeness, culture, or fear?

His was fear. And Logan could probably smell it on him, could probably see it in his scrappy knees.

But all Logan’s presence did was make Matt self-conscious. Matt had problems with teachers. Specifically male combat teachers. His abuse had almost always come from the root of education.

When it had just come from the pain and trauma and fear of others, it had always been less painful because he had other people to blame.

When the abuse came from education, it was because he hadn’t been good enough.

Logan couldn’t have known and probably still didn’t know what can of worms he’d set his foot into. Matt’s quiet has always been a shell of protection. A shield of sorts. No one can say you’ve said something wrong if you haven’t said anything at all. He didn’t like people that tried to wrangle his shield from him.

He spoke on his terms and his terms only these days.

The more Logan pushed and tried to get to know him, the higher Matt held up his shield. The tighter he curled up behind it.

Go away. We don’t need no education.

We don’t need no thought control.

Never again.

Logan couldn’t have known that through his kindness, he’d make an enemy out of Matt.

—

From here, Matt goes on to learn that Logan and Wade are very close (despite themselves) and he gets extremely insecure after overhearing the two of them talking.

He gets it into his head that Logan is telling Wade to keep away from him and Peter–in effect, he thinks that Logan is trying to take away one of his friends and that triggers his abandonment issues. He panics and then feels guilty for panicking (he thinks that he is manipulating people/being selfish by having a panic attack) and cuts himself off from everyone, thinking that doing so will protect the others from his own selfishness/manipulation but also himself since he can’t bear to be around another Stick-figure.

That’s about where I left it, but it is a very emotional/disjointed piece that, upon reflection, might be worth finishing up since it’s also pretty powerful now that I’m rereading it.

Anyways, the point, anon, is that Logan wouldn’t call Matt a ‘himbo’ in my verses because Matt is highly skittish, aggressive, and extremely afraid of him, despite all his bravado and joking around about Logan with the others. That makes Logan upset and careful about how he approaches Matt and sensitive to the language he uses when he talks to him.

#fic #ficlet

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alphabees-writes · 4 years

Text

Glee - S1 E1 (Pilot)

Is it a smart idea to rewatch glee again? No.

Am I going to do it anyway? You bet your sweet bippy I am!

Am I going to liveblog my garbage monkey brain thoughts along the way even though nobody asked for it? Hell yeah.

Here goes!

Wow. The first frame of this entire show is literally of a woman who looks like she’s about 10 years above the natural lifespan of a Cheerio. Then again, I’m sure Sue’s not above holding back her best recruits for multiple years because Ohio high schools are apparently just Like That™

I also never notice this opening song was a remix of Keep Me Hangin On, wow. That’s actually kind of interesting foreshadowing of sorts, like, kind of smart. I’m glad I’m watching the part of Glee that was kind of smart.

This scene also doesn’t feature any of the Unholy Trinity as far as I can see. Are they a JV squad? Am I putting too much thought into this?

Sign #1 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Really, my guy? Driving around with your muffler dragging on the ground so bad it’s making sparks? That’s not very Road Safety of you. Fuck off.

Sign #2 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Wow, there’s going to be a lot of these, huh? Anyway, anybody with working eyes would clearly see how scared Kurt is right now. “Making some new friends Kurt?” Fuck off.

KURT. FIRST SIGHTING OF THE BOY. What a delight. But also, not a delight, because he’s being bullied and he deserves better. Look at his outfit. Iconic from day fucking one.

Finn, you’re a himbo. What’re you doing with these assholes?

Puck’s first line in the whole series is “It’s hammer time!” What a fucking dork? Who made this boy popular.

DO MORE THAN TAKE HIS COAT, FINN. LET HIM GOOOOO!!!

I paused while they were tossing Kurt in the dumpster and, wow, got the most hilarious frame where the guy who isn’t Puck is getting a meticulously polished boot to the face. Netflix let me take screenshots, you coward.

The first shot of Quinn... My wlw bones are shaking.

Why would they use that photo for Lillian Adler...? WHO WAS BORN IN 1937, MIGHT I ADD. THAT’S NOT A REAL YEAR.

It’s weird to see Mr Schue actually speaking competent Spanish. Why did they veto that later? The ONE likeable thing about him was his competence as a school teacher, and they really threw it out the window huh?

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE MEMBERS OF SANDY RYERSON’S GLEE CLUB??? This kid seems to really like singing. Also, welcome to the beginning of Ryerson being annoying as all hell.

Oh my gosh, the background choir stuff. This show really had style back in the day!!!

R A C H E L B E R R Y Y O U R M A K E U P ! ! !

Ken Tanaka walked so incels could run.

Jane Lynch you beauty. You absolutely impeccable beauty.

“Since when are cheerleaders performers?” Uh... Emma...? I get that Sue’s going ham on her budget but, like, be nice to the students? They perform their butts off!

Sue really just BRAGGED about having an iPhone. I was 9 when this came out. Why do I feel old...

Sign #3 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He hears his coworker, presumably of several years, just got fired and doesn’t even ask why. He just jumps on the glee club like a frog on hot asphalt.

He really wants to Make The Glee Club Great Again, huh?

MySpace was really a thing, huh? And why does this grown-ass male teacher know so much about the students having them?

I know nothing about actual American schools, but I do know that they sure as shit don’t work like this. Why does a club have to win EVERY competition to be considered an asset?

Mr Shoe really lying awake at night half-naked next to his wife thinking about the glee club already? Yeah sounds about right. Also, of course you’d think up Nude Erections for a name, you asshole. Put some clothes on.

R E S P E C T MERCEDES YES!!!

Brad the piano player was really here from day ONE... Icon.

Cellophane, Mr Cellophane... Yes Kurt bby you killed it.

Chris Colfer looks so YOUNG here!!!

The hair fix... I C O N I C !

Tina really wrote her stutter down, huh? And nobody ever saw through it? Amazing.

The goth Tina look, too... Perfect... Never change...

Say what you want about Rachel Berry being generally insufferable, but I really fucking feel it when she sings On My Own. The monologue kind of kills The Drama of it, but they really solidly established her character by layering them. She really is a gold star right now.

The first-ever on-screen slushie!

The way she walks down that hall. My God you can just see how terrible she is to be around.

Never forget Rachel staring at photos of her with two men who turned out to not be her dads. Who are they? What are their stories? We’ll never know.

God, I love this stupid scene of Quinn, Santana, and a bunch of Cheerios cartoonishly typing hate comments on Rachel’s MySpace video and laughing like knock-off Disney villains.

I like watching season 1 Artie because season 1 Artie was a good character. Mostly. And he KILLED Sit Down, You’re Rocking The Boat. Rachel wasn’t asking for a male lead who could keep up with her vocally, she was being straight up ableist and that’s a fact. I love Cory, but Kevin McHale was always a better singer.

Mercedes picking up and spinning Rachel for this little routine is something I never really appreciated before, it’s cute even though they don’t like each other yet!

I really don’t get why Rachel says they suck. Yeah, sure, she’s gunning for a solo, but the vocals were solid there. The choreo was just a little janky, possibly because it’s their first EVER rehearsal?

“There is NOTHING ironic about show choir!” Incredible.

How long did it take Mr Shoe to find Rachel out on the bleachers? Did he search the whole school first?

ARTIE! CAN! KEEP! UP! WITH! YOU! VOCALLY!

I never understood Rachel quitting so soon. How long was she in the old glee club for? Surely they were never popular either?

Ah, the first “My hands are tied” for the series. Mr Figgins is a garbage principal.

Not going to advise the principal against referring to Artie as a cripple, William Shoestir? Alright.

How did the Schuester marriage last as long as it has? Do Will and Terri’s insufferable personalities just cancel one another out?

Sandy Ryerson really just openly brags about cheating the system for medical marijuana and dealing it?

Matt Morrison 100% has lip fillers. Nobody’s smile curls like that naturally.

“Terri and I are trying to get pregnant” What a weird way to phrase it. What is it, a race? Who’s going to get knocked up first!

A FIFTH OF BEETHOVEN, HOW I’VE MISSED YOU... The sound design of this show at this point is just... *Chef hand kiss*

“What you’re doing right now is called blurring the lines” Oh just wait until season 4, Sue... Just you wait.

WHY is Mr Schuester so ridiculously sweaty? I didn’t need to think about that?

EVERYONE on the football team is 30.

William Schuester you can’t just watCH TEENAGE STUDENTS SING IN THE SHOWER YOU ARE A TEACHER WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR LICENSE?!

Hearing Cory sing this always makes me emotional. What a talent!

Sign #4 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: I don’t think I need to say why using the weed to blackmail Finn is a shitty thing to do, do I?

“I’ll pee in a cup! ...I’ll pee...” I love Cory’s delivery.

PRIORITY #1: HELP THE KIDS Oh season 1... I love you so.

Mr Schue you WISH you were anything like Finn Hudson. You never will be.

Ah... Finn’s first monologue. He’s such a sweetheart. AND SO IS CAROLE. Carole is a queen I will stan forever. YOU THROW THAT MILK BB!!!

All Finn wants to do is make his mom proud. What a sweetheart. Mr Schue you do NOT deserve him.

These POV shots really enhance things, why the fuck did they stop using them?

Subtly having Kurt look at Finn in the same shot as Rachel was a nice touch indeed!

RACHEL WAS REALLY DOWN WITH ROLLING ARTIE RIGHT OFF THE STAGE HUH?

Terri’s a straight up hoarder, huh? Like a raccoon but instead of collecting edible garbage, it’s monogrammed garbage.

Surely you can’t just... BECOME an accountant, right? You need some serious qualifications for that right?

Also say what you want about how insufferable Terri is but her actress is ridiculously talented and absolutely steals every scene she’s in.

Now the background choir is doing Soul Bossa Nova and I am L I V I N G why didn’t they keep that motif!!! It was so ICONIC!

I don’t need my prostate removed. RIP Carole Hudson but I’m different :/

NO MEANS NO, KEN! TAKE THE L AND MOVE ON! Way to take out the fact that a girl won’t date you on everybody else around you! Toxic bastard. The absolute stench of melodrama on this bastard is noxious.

I was going to ask why Rachel didn’t know about Finn and Quinn if they’d already been together for 4 months, but then I remembered gossiping requires friends...

“Terri rides me. Hard. And I’ve always appreciated it!” Why don’t we talk about how this line sounds more. Why doesn’t Emma bat an eye at it oh my god

HERE COMES VOCAL ADRENALINE!!! And Jesse St. James is nowhere to be seen. How convenient. Also, they’re all 30. I’m sensing a pattern.

Sorry VA, all songs popularised my Amy Winehouse legally belong to Santana Lopez

Puck, if you were stupid enough to fall for the prostate excuse, that’s on you. Or maybe it’s on the education system...

You can do better that Mr Schue, kids. Don’t mourn him.

Ok, what the fuck is this scene where he’s filling out the job app to become an accountant? There’s a dude in the row in front off him just throwing crisps around? What is this place?? Why are you here sir???

“Accounting is sexy” shut up you horrible married man

The Cheerios sure did have straight ponytails for like, one episode, huh?

Finn is such a good boy. He doesn’t know it yet, but he is, and saving Artie from that portapotty is his first step to figuring it out.

This shot of Finn just wheeling Artie out of there... Ugh. My HEART.

KURT WHAT ARE THOSE LAYERS? SWEATER SHIRT SWEATER? HELLO???

Pee balloons. Nailing the lawn furniture to the roof. Finn, you’re better than that!!! Stop your dudebros.

They really had Artie be a guitar player, and a pretty good one at that, but they never mentioned it again? Artie had such potential SMH. (Also, Netflix subtitles are telling me it’s Arty, but I categorically refuse to spell it that way.)

Whyyyyy didn’t he go to KURT for the costumes as well? Look at his outfit, Finn. He clearly wants in on that job.

Will Schuester really is just desperately clinging to his glory days in high school. I’d feel bad for him if he wasn’t such a creep about it.

Emma, meaningfully: Do you know who that is? That’s you, Will... [FRANTIC DISCO MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND]

I find it hilarious how the audio of Don’t Stop Believin’ just DOES NOT match the characters except for the solos... Also wow, autotune city. Am I awful for genuinely not liking this cover?

I like watching them perform it though. Kurt’s adorable little shimmy... Rachel and Tina smiling at each other like that... Everybody having a blast... I’m here for it

LOOK AT MY BABIES TILTING THOSE MIC STANDS...

Ok the way Rachel and Finn look at each other here is making me FEEL

I know Puck’s about to join anyway but WHY is he there watching... Just to have a mysterious bad boy moment? Lol you dramatic bastard

Please let them win nationals without you, Will.

So, yeah! There’s that! Those are my thoughts and feelings, basic though they may be. Episode one is fantastic, the kids are fantastic, and William Schuester can suck a toe.

#Glee #Glee seasson 1 #Rosie watches things and then says things about the thing

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