#I think it just hurts seeing u with someone else

[nereidprinc3ss]

BESTIE. I was just casually thinking about your whole dybmn series and now I’m wondering, as both reader and Spencer become more confident with their spicy dynamics, what kind of lover would Spencer become with her? New k!nks, maybe?, I JUST genuinely think that Spencer is so whipped for her that he would definitely use toys and anything else, not only to experiment but to get to know and find out about all of her secret facets.

I believe she would be his “creation” like he would be so proud to see her development in her confidence in spicy times like smirking all over as she does anything to please him and he’d be like “yeah, I created that” because I’M BITING MY PILLOW RIGHT NOW and gonna dig up a hole after this to hide myself because my thoughts are so hideous. Girlie, what did you do to me? I wasn’t like this. 😩

oh let’s discuss

18+ long ass rambling and things i think about A Lot ……..

in my opinion (which is not the end all be all everyone can perceive them however they’d like) reader and spencer definitely bring out more sexually adventurous sides of each other like they just have a shit ton of chemistry and for a while ithink spencer would just be easing reader into sexuality so nothing that crazy would happen aside from the power dynamics we see pretty much from the start. i think those would definitely get stronger and occasionally more variable. im not usually into sub!spence but i think there would be times he would definitely allow reader to have more control (i don’t ever think he’d be like calling them mommy lmfao) but aside from that i could also see him veering VERY rarely in a slightly harder!dom direction. like he’ll never hurt or seriously degrade you but in p3 reader says something about liking it when he acts like they belong to him and he was really into that. as the relationship progresses i think he would almost start taking more ownership of r’s body in a way, like obviously nothing is ever nonconsensual but he just knows you so well that it’s like… well he knows you better than you know yourself sooo you let him call the shots, but at his core i think spencer is forever oriented to please. he just wants to make you feel good, that’s always gonna be his goal, so he’s always going to listen and even if the power dynamic is weighed in his favor you are actually always the one in control bc he’d do anything for u lol

in terms of kinks…. idk, i never really see spencer as a super kinky guy? like he just knows too much about paraphilia and obviously sexual violence ties into a lot of his job so i sincerely doubt he’d find giving or receiving pain arousing beyond like slapping your ass or you scratching his back or whatever. love is always at the heart of sex for him and that’s going to be the most important part, he’ll never be able to see you just as a body. he’ll always see you as the person he’s in love with and there are things he’s simply not willing to do to the person he loves.

because of his trauma he’s super duper hesitant about bondage BUT i think he wouldn’t be completely opposed to very light restraints on you or him, he’d just have to be in a specific mood. i also never see him as being someone who’s super into toys because he’s such a luddite, he can barely stand having an email i doubt he’s going to have an extensive collection of sex toys. but he would so use your vibrator on you or make you use it on yourself in front of him again if he’s in a very specific mood

oh but YES he DELIGHTS in having defiled and corrupted you. idc idc im not accepting criticism on this. like he spoils you so much that you’re used to getting him whenever you want and so you’re not very subtle about it. if you get all needy in public and start draping yourself all over him and giving him looks and pulling on his sleeve because you want to go home he’ll fuck you in rossi’s bathroom because he wants to encourage your lewd behavior.

obviously he has boundaries tho and he has respect for you and the people around him like he won’t do anything that draws attention and he’ll only ever do things he knows he can get away with without anyone else noticing

later seasons spence also LOVES when you leave marks on him he thinks it’s cute how you mark your territory and he’s not at all embarrassed if there is a hickey above his collar at work. in his mind it’s like. why would he care about other peoples opinions on his sex life when they have nothing to do with it god i think about this all the time

anyway im sorry if this was disappointing😭 idkidk, thank you for asking about my thoughts tho bc i am always down for headcanons

#ramblings #asks

[weebsinstash]

Was thinking of something you said about Luci. Like him crying when he sees you coming you back to the hotel all marked up. Even better idea, him regularly spying on you using the orbs/balls from episode 6. Probably started as a way to learn more about you and make sure you're safe but quickly became something else....

Like you say him seeing you after? How about him watching you get fucked crying his eyes out and touching himself?

Like he's so upset it's not him, but he can't NOT watch and listen! He needs to see what you like so he can be perfect for you, and make sure you're safe. So what if he touches himself? How can he not when it's you he's watching and hearing? Even if it's with some sinner scum.

I misread Luci as Lucci and I was like "HOW DO Y O U KNOW I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT ROB LUCCI, I HAVEN'T EVEN POSTED ABOUT MY CP0 READER X LUCCI ESPIONAGE IDEA YET--"

I was thinking about Lucifer, you know, how we tend to think of him as Charlie's dad and just "the Devil" but I think we can kind of forget, he's also the Cardinal Sin of Pride, and I keep brainstorming on how he's probably INSANELY JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE AND WOULD BE TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU ALL THE TIME

Can you even imagine like. He's peeping on you getting railed by someone twice your size and that person can absolutely scoop you up and throw you around with how big they are and here's Lucifer uncomfortably reminded of how short he is. bonus points if before this you and him had an argument and you shit all over his height just to piss him off and now he's seeing you fuck some huge dude. Give him that emotional damage with the backstab buff

The thing with Lucifer is that, he's short, yeah, but like. He's also ungodly strong. I'm too lazy to link the post but people have pointed out that he literally was not even remotely phased when Adam was throwing him against a building and trying to hurt him, like actual frames of Lucifer just kinda sitting there o.o, totally unbothered. And this could go one of two ways! You could get protected and rescued by him and, he scoops you up into his arms and that makes YOU feel small (in a sexy way)

OR

you kinda like, not infantilize him per se, but you figure, since he's "this little goober" that he would never like, ACTUALLY do anything scary, but. Honey he's a grown man who wants you as a serious partner and he's extremely prideful and attached to you and you're, constantly picking other people over him 💀💀💀 you're irritating him on purpose, you're giving him sass, you're FUCKING OTHER DUDES and I can see him totally snapping, "you think I'm not serious about you?! I'll show you!!" and just, yoinks you up, snatches you away, you're magically appearing either AT THE ALTAR WITH HIM LIKE, WEDDING WITH AN ENTIRE AUDIENCE, or straight into his bed where he proceeds to show you exactly why he deserves to be your king

(Tbh I've grown a sudden uh, taste for "yandere character suddenly reveals they're gonna marry you" and I mean with a whole ass engagement ring and WEDDING especially for Lucifer and Alastor recently 😩 WAIT LUCILILI POLY WEDDING-)

Still obsessed with "i bet she doesn't even see me as a man" Lucifer vs "he definitely doesn't even see me as a woman haha I'm gross :)" Reader where little Luci Goosey finds out you're just, straight up either hating yourself or have been rejected too many times to even find yourself desirable, and the second he realizes it's not even him that's 'the problem', he's taking matters into his own hands. Like something slips out of your mouth, "why would anyone want me, I'm, I'm dorky and stupid and gross and ugly" and Lucifer is just like, "OH!!! Aw honey you just have depression :) oh golly we have so much in common--"

I also just. Really like the idea that he's basically got full control over Hell and can get in your head and know what you're thinking and feeling if he REALLY wants to. Got another ask in my drafts I'm about to get to that delves more into the idea of him and Lilith HELLA abusing their dream controlling/pocket dimension powers in a definitely not "you didn't know you had a secret second life in your dreams that was 100% real" kinda way...

#yandere hazbin hotel #yandere x reader #hh #yandere hellaverse #sinprompts

[autistic-katara]

there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good it’s removed ur sanity) and then there’s fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)

#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse #yet it’s being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc they’re cops they don’t understand harm reduction but still) like #seriously everything’s so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under #the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? she’s just gonna trust u #less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it #for a minute she confirmed she isn’t suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism #like yes she is hurting herself but it’s a COPING MECHANISM. she’s coping with something. help her with that don’t just take away her penci #sharpers or whatever (which btw since she’s an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be #voluntary it isn’t gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they don’t want to like as ur friend u could’ve made it clear u care abt her #and wouldn’t judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk don’t just say “you have to talk to me” and casually threaten #hospitalisation when she isn’t ready in the moment like seriously if this wasn’t a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting #bcz given that this wasn’t even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right #oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags- #it’s not where the author’ll see it and know it’s about them i don’t feel bad abt it #this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so #cw self harm in tags #idk if i need to tag anything else for that 😭 #fanfic #ao3 #ryan shut the fuck up

[sysig]

One better (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Blood #I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0 #Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread #Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers #Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha #The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax! #Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!! #It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!! #Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u; #Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to - #Until it comes to his eye #Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/ #It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh #For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear #It's so sad ;; And so well done <3 #And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl #Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :') #Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it #Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone? #''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really #Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔 #That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :) #I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol) #I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers! #Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally #Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose

[shopcat]

i was goinggg to say something way longer but if all it takes is a pretty surface level criticism of you as a fandom and not even a personal attack or something for you to send someone (a palestinian no less) an ask like this then maybe they have a point

i do still think you can care about multiple things at once obv but when the sustained efforts of an online campaign to get people to listen bear a resemblance superficially, frustration and anger is a normal response to that ... 😭 and getting feelings hurt about it isn't going to make those people just be like "Oh never mind you guys are cool" or something esp if you keep proving you CAN'T be cool about it ... you can obviously care about palestine (and any other global issue) and talk about it and take actionable steps to further this and be active about it AND want to get a show renewed or whatever but that's not really the point. (some) people are getting to a unhealthy level of obsession about this renewal and people critiquing that in the wake of the very well-known criticism already surrounding the show is Not the end of the world for you, and that is what this is. and it is not a complex scenario it's pretty 1 + 1. like I'VE been getting more frustrated about the severity of seeing the word renewal everywhere since the beginning and i think people (largely PALESTINIANS THEMSELVES...) saying this have a point.

#🐾 #to clarify that ask was sent to someone else not me #this is all kind of driving me crazy just seeing the way everyone [in the fandom] are talking about it #the way it's all wrapped up together makes it kind of hard to see clearly but it's like #idrc if you want a renewal it's not that big a deal to me it's not any A Deal to me actually. like do what u want about it too it's not #hurting anyone. commenting on hbo max's socials and petitions and emails and stuff is like... fine #it's sustained but it's localised and focused #the other clear factor here obviously is that while a lot of people don't think TW is a zionist obviously some people do #and that's going to reflect on you (and us) whether you like it or not #and like yeah sure the guz khan stuff is most likely misinfo but the anger about it is understandable and NECESSARY #and saying all that like YEAH taika might not be a zionist but con o'n*ill sure fucking is #and i dunno. this is just all what i mean #people are going to talk to you in a way that you will interpret as an attack and sure sometimes it will be. but it's because these are #serious issues. i know ppl in the fandom feel like they have this talk every other day but why would anyone on the outside see that ? #and if they're not seeing that you have to accept that you need to be able to respond in a non-condescending and actually informative way #and don't just get personally hurt over what you perceive as an attack on you or your values or morals #as long as you do stand for a free palestine and condemn zionism and don't say stupid shit there shouldn't BE a problem i don't know #* i also understand for the few ofmd muts i do have that everyone's been getting asks and stuff over the past few days and i don't mean #any of that. though the general mindset of those people applies #sort of. some people are definitely just being reactionary and i have seen a lot of weird shit obv. also this isn't at any of you

[aropride]

nervous laughter

#text #was hanging out with a friend (had fun) but as his uber was arriving #i see my ex roommate (<- putting it lightly) walking back to the dorms with someone #and like. im nosy ofc but i also like. want to warn them #cuz i dunno if this is like. a friend or a new roommate or what but they’ve been alone EVERY TIME ive seen them #so this is new. and considering their track record. #i dont think i am super calm knowing they’re bringing someone back to that room. #im not sure if i hope its a roommate cuz maybe then its innocent #or if i hope its not bc i dont want anyone else to have to live with them #but like. god. #and they totally saw me n my friend looking at them LMAOO but like what r u gonna do. u cant do shit #im allowed to look in directions #but. yeah no. that makes me very nervous #and i didnt get a good look at who it was but they were like #5’6 ish short blonde hair looked kind of like they had a gender situation going on #(i love saying gender situation its my new favourite phrase) #but uhh. yeah. i need to find them i just need to like. know theyre gonna be okay #i want to warn them but that might be bad idea #so i dont know. i dont want them to not know but i dont want them to know at the same time. yk? #well. itsnfine. im hiding in [building] now and im around people and im safe and no one can hurt me #neg #🗒️

[silenthillbunni]

🐇🩹🚪

#i hate myself real bad today.... like it's this constant gnawing feeling in my stomach nd chest #i am such a fucking burden. i am deadweight weighing everyone around me down. im such a fkn pathetic failure #our living situation is rlly bad nd unhealthy nd toxic. im the only one who can disconnect nd shove it all down nd wanna pretend like nothin #but my sister nd my mom are going insane like they cannot stand it anymore. nd they're also getting super depressed so im worried #my mom's been trying to apply for appartments bc she's been on waiting lists for several years so she can actually maybe get one #so they were thinking that my mom nd my sister can move nd me nd my sister can live here #she even found an apartment close by that she would actually get!! so they could move!! #however...... you're not allowed to put more ppl on this contract so if my mom moves me nd my sister can stay here :/// so she cant move.... #cant** stay here #she cant move at all unless my sister nd i have our own places... #my sister has a job nd is an actual responsible adult. so she wont be long until she fixes that #but me???? im 25yrs old... never had a job. cant even graduate highschool even if i try. i have no fkn idea how to survive on my own!!!!! #im just a fkn burden on my mom. i keep her down. i chain her down nd keep her feom being free #im such an awful daughter. im such a bad person. im so worthless. i hate myself for hurting her #i hate seeing her so sad nd depressed bc she wants to get out of this situation so bad #and *im* the one keeping her here. im the reason she cant feel better. bc im a pathetic fkn 25yr old who lives off of her mom like a parasit #ooof i ... i hate myself more deeply than i ever have. how can i do this to my own mom???? why am i so useless???? #idk what to do. idk how to move out!! where to?? how do u get a place to live??!? #atp i'd even take living with someone else. like renting a room or smth. just to free my mom of the curse that is me #but idk how to find anything like that bc im completely and utterly incapable nd useless #i feel so bad for my mom.... i know she doesnt want this but it makes me wanna kms even more #if im dead i cant weigh her down i cant ruin her life!!!! if im dead she'll be free of me. im nothing but a parasite she deserves to be free

[swordmaid]

the thing with shri’iia to me is that she is very easy to manipulate if you say the right words. that’s how the matriarch kept her in a leash and cage and shri’iia WAS happy with that until she accidentally escaped and slowly realised how shitty all that was. that’s why - in an oathbreaker shri’iia run - she starts to spite the emperor once she realises what he’s doing with her, and why a vengeance shri’iia run would still be plausible after the religious/self existential crisis bc she’ll be in a really vulnerable place and she would want to hear those right words, you know …

#like she is a professional liar herself sure..!!! and she uses people too … but Shri’iia is first foremost a paladin and she’s programmed #to serve under someone or something … and she’s literally willing to do anything for the thing she’s following #like she is very disconnected with her sense of self since she just sees herself as a tool/extension to serve out orders #and she’s fine with doing anything! 🤷‍♀️ she doesn’t care ! 🤷‍♀️ she’ll be happy about it even #shri’iia is a well trained dog who doesn’t question what she’s told … so when she becomes an Oathbreaker and she actually has to figure out #who SHE is/what she wants/what she wants to do etc. it’s like 🧍‍♀️❓❓❓ #sooo very daunting bc she doesn’t know … she has no sense of self outside of her oaths and who she serves …. #and why it is so significant for her when she accepts being an Oathbreaker bc that’s her first step to reclaiming her own autonomy …. #and why her becoming a vengeance paladin again is a regression bc it’s the dog running back to their own cage and locking the door behind #them … anyway it is so interesting to me because I see shri’iia as a selfish character #who’s also quite greedy. and she doesn’t like charity. but when it comes to doing something for the very thing she believes in #suddenly she is so self sacrificial. like I think she has such a tunnel vision to her oath that she disregards anything else #when it gets involved … which makes her act 1 denying the Lolth worship hurts even more bc she’s ACTIVELY choosing to deny that u know .. #like it’s a purposeful choice and that’s what leads to the oathbreaking … all that bc she was too scared and frightened #since she’s all alone in an environment that’s so new to her surrounded by people who could kill her bc she’s a drow lol

[toastsnaffler]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man #i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks #and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig #even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them- #better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them #like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it #hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders #for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee #the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want #me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so! #anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too #its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh #we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its #kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way #im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily #cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction #its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things #for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a #want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them #and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎 #i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay. #.vent

[jrueships]

Bron crushing hard on kyrie is embarrassing

LMFAO

#i love when i get asks that sound like asks u see on wag blogs #sometimes when im bored and the dash is slow i search up my fav wag blogs and catch up on all the messiness #the askers certainly love their lightskins who hate them over there #anyways this just sounded like a tea poster telling me abt an embarrassing married celeb w a family being downbad for someone else #which this pretty much is so #the way lebron smacked that mans hand and proceeded to put more energy into the greeting kyrie had no idea how to complete.. #he is so embarrassing #aquariuses will not like someone popular but the moment theyre hated on as well for being a hater #they will do everything in their power to pretend like theyve always liked that popular person #im srry yall but when they be lyin they be lyin lyin fr #they dont lie all the time but when they do it's on smthing heavy n irrefutable to them #i dont think i have to explain it with lebron #bro is the king. he could have anyone. and he chooses That #it's like a rich popular beloved guy who wants the only girl that doesnt like him but in all its problematic realities #maybe being determinely n frighteningly attracted to the one person who tells u no is Not so hot After all. in fact. at all #and maybe that rlly nice girl u str8 up kicked to the curb n abandoned (russ) actually Wasnt that boring n deserving of that #n maybe the girl u want that no one else wants has an actual reason to that which should be acknowledged n probably abided or atleast aided #instead of u deluding urself into being capable of fixing her thru a relationship where both of yall can get hurt #but u know #what do i know #i talk abt zodiacs sometimes im a stain on humanity #the trials of socrates #lebron rlly needs to stand up.. ure literally so real for this anon #amazing ask #ted asks #srry for the barebones actual text i tried framing it like a wag blog

[bullagit]

the narrative is so purposefully anachronistic/modern in how it examines stede and mary’s marriage but a lot of meta on it likes leaning hard into whatever portrayal makes one or the other of them look like The Big Villain.

the modern lens on them is the whole point! they were both unhappy together! they were both uninterested and unable to connect even when they tried bc they are incompatible people! they BOTH felt trapped and BOTH! wound up being hurtful to each other in ways while that marriage was being upheld! because they BOTH wanted love and became more and more aware over time that there was no way they would find the love they wanted in each other!

this is so NOT black-and-white idk why it keeps getting reduced to finger-pointing

#ofmd #stede bonnet #mary allamby bonnet #like if u wanna go so hard into The Times and Societally Speaking as far as arranged marriages for wealth go #getting hitched to stede is abt as good as u get barring the possibility of love or attraction like #marriage for love is a HOPE its a thing you wish for it likely wont happen next best thing is like tolerability #comfy material life plenty of wealth husband who is equally unintersted as you are in him who is overall not awful just removed #u dont touch each other apart from having ur 2 kids #then he fucks off #(the fucking off was poorly done and hurtful but also go figure beneficial) #like historically thats making out like a bandit! #stede being like i forgive u for sleeping with doug is him being a huge BITCH not him passively threatening to ruin marys life over it jfc #truly sick of all the malicious framing and like #'stede sees everyone else as novelties/side characters in HIS story' 'stede naturally believes he is Above XYZ person' stuff #like if u think of stede as someone who is self aggrandizing and genuinely self important u missed the point of stede #thats a man with no self worth a passive death wish and raw desperation to find the validation and approval he's never had #thats a man with so little social development experience that hes in his 40s and doesnt know how to navigate relationships like #fuck off im going full apologist from now on the end

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i watched everything everywhere all at once on my flight back out to the desert #it did make me cry and ive never cried reading or watching anything #like. its weird bc most of the movie i was like meh fine bc i dont care much abt action stuff and i already knew thr details of the plot #but even knowing the plot the rocks still made me cry. for a couple reasons. bc i have a cold and i feel pretty bad. bc im on my way back #to a place where i make myself miserable. bc my hormones r a lil weird rn. but mainly bc thinking abt what ppl r capable of #is so fucking amazing when this planet could just b a desolate conglomeration of materials #and bc runaway bunny is one of my fave kids book and bc i can relate to the everything everywhere mostly all the time #by brain gets so chaotic and cluttered its paralyzing and sometimes when i go running i feel like my thoughts r bees chasing me and i can #never quite outrun them and its exhausting. so yea i cried on a cluttered plane and gave myself a headache and it was really gross in my #mask. i would probably have been sobbing if i hadn't been surrounded by ppl lol im glad i didnt watch it around other ppl #its just the desire for someone else to see thr same thing u do and understand how badly its hurting and maybe u cant fix it but u can try #to make the best of the situation. sigh. im tired and sick and ive got bullshit to figure out #so it goes. but it was a good movie #unrelated

[starswallowingsea]

the fact i got infected with shu/madara brainrot over a joke i made to a friend on discord and now im being forced to make my own content

#LOOK bc shu is an oddball and therefore sees kanata as family if u subscribe to oddball family dynamic #which i DO #then obviously bc madara is important to kanata. regardless of personal grudges i think shu would tolerate madara #i have a fic im working on that starts with madara getting seriously injured and ending up in front of shu's dorm on accident #and shu patches him up and lets him stay the night. and he tells madara its only bc he cares about kanata #but i want to eventually develop it where shu cant bear seeing madara get hurt on his double face work #bc he cares about madara. not just bc he cares about kanata #im gonna wait to keep working on it til we get a dark night's passing #but this is the idea. shu reluctantly starting to care for someone bc they forced their way into his life #no matter how much he tries to push them away. they come back bc they cant go anywhere else #bc shu will keep their secret. at least. some of them. not if you're himeru unfortunately #but it would be on the condition that you dont tell anyone that shu has a soft side/cares about anyone other than mika #bc he does care about mika and i think everyone knows that. #most people care about their unit mates and after everything in basic #shu has tried to change for the better and encourages mika to be more independent in his own way #sorry i need to use the last of my bp and go to bed #shay speaks