#I think someone literally wrote in my yearbook about it

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

what do you think Suburban Legends is about?

Oh boy oh man oh gee oh goly I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG!!!! Buckle up!!!!! This is verrryyy long, part essay, part rant, so I apologize in advance 😘

The story begins with the subject repeatedly betraying the speaker, and her forgiving him for it. The entire song reflects on how and why this becomes a pattern, and the long-term consequences of that first moment.  

“You were so magnetic it was almost obnoxious, flushed with the currency of cool, I was always turning out my empty pockets” is one of my absolute favorite line in Taylor’s entire discography. It draws on the metaphor explored in Tied Together with a Smile and You All Over Me- love (or, candidly, sex/sex appeal) as a currency, specifically, a something cheap- pennies, change. The subject of Suburban Legends is rich, flush with currency- worth a lot compared to the speaker who doesn’t have anything. The sensual imagery in this part (slippery plastic summer, slide, flush, magnetic) makes me think a lot about the ways sex and love can be used in a relationship, and how formative our early relationships can be. Because of the title and imagery in the whole song, I feel strongly that this is “about” teenage relationships, and I think it exists in relation to the Betty/August/Cardigan story (I’ll leave it there…).  That first verse, to me, is a really meaningful exploration of why someone, often girls, might feel pressured to forgive their partner for something that really hurts. The explanation, I think, rests on how you interpret the empty pockets metaphor. The speaker feels so little self worth compared to the subject (who is magnetic, slippery, cool) that she forgives big transgressions quickly, perhaps against her better judgement. 

The chorus is sort of mysterious to me. I understand what “I didn’t come here to make friends” means, but it’s tricky in context. For me, it evokes reality game shows like Survivor or Americas Next Top Model- the person saying the phrase is a contestant fighting for something, and willing to stab people in the back to reach the goal. (Reminds me of willow) I don’t think the song requires us to take that entire symbol literally, so in context, I think it means that whoever is saying it has no intention of being friends, they intend to be ~more than friends~ (romantic or sexual or enemies, or all of the above, idk!!) and they’re willing to play dirty to achieve that. The next line, “we were born to be suburban legends,” is perhaps the goal. Suburban legends makes me think about small time legends; high school football champions who peak in 12th grade, cutest couple in the yearbook, childhood sweethearts who get married and live happily ever after in their suburban hometown. But it also makes me think about the way Taylor immortalizes her subjects. The songs she wrote as a teenager have entered suburban folklore. Everyone knows Love Story and YBWM, even if they think they don’t! Their relationship was fated to occur, and they were born to live the story that has become legendary among suburban, normal youths. If we take the perspective of how this experience has laid a pattern in place, these lines feel relevant to later adult experiences post-fame, too. Taylor Swift is a household name, along with some people she dated. The first lines of the chorus are also pretty darn flirty, which contributes to the ick factor, for me. It’s like a pick up line, or something that is being used as a consolation prize for not committing to a real relationship; we may not be exclusive, but we were born to have this ~arrangement~ and to be suburban legends, therefore everything is fine. Makes me think of Tis The Damn Season. 

“When you hold me it holds me together” goes back to the question of why someone would forgive their ~lover~ for cheating/stepping out or hurting them, and how easy it is to start seeing your worth as tied to the other person’s actions towards you. This line is the only semi-positive thing she has to say about this person in the song. Whatever the arrangement is, for better or worse, it holds her together. “You kiss me in a way that’s gunna screw me up forever” holds soooo much weight, and is a really crystallized way to convey how important those first sexual/romantic experiences can be, and how tied to intimacy they are. That line establishes that this story fundamentally altered the speaker’s life, and started a pattern of behavior that she is grappling with however many years down the road. The element of fate feels really important. Other songs that I think tie in with this are Ms Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, Betty, That’s The Way I Loved You, Mastermind. 

The second verse makes me feel kinda ill!!!! The sensual/intimate imagery continues, but with a lot more anger, disgust, regret, and public humiliation (fantasy, diaries, ripped out, the whole school). This verse again solidly places us in high school, which could be a metaphor but I don’t think it needs to be. Even if we take the language literally, it still can apply to situations throughout the speaker’s adult life because of how impactful the early experience was. Shame, humiliation, regret, embarrassment, wanting to prove a point, feeling tossed around by fate. 

I also am really interested in the tense use of Suburban Legends. I had the fantasy (back then) that you would be (in the hypothetical future) more than a chapter in my old diaries (past reality), with the pages ripped out (ambiguous, when did she rip them out? How long did she hold out hope? What was the last straw?). Whatever happened with these two was so upsetting that the speaker has tried to violently erase the experience from her own most private history. The speaker is experiencing extreme anger in the present about something that happened in the past, which is kind of unusual in Taylor’s discography! Usually her songs explore the moment she feels something, which this also does. I think this is a reason it stayed in the vault: there’s a lot of private shame involved in this story, and also anger that it’s still impacting her all these years later. “I can still see it now” is such a strong statement that roots the speaker in the present but is sensorily placed in the past. The theme of memory is common for Taylor, but that particular phrasing makes me think about All Too Well 10MV, dear john, would’ve could’ve should’ve, and Maroon (I wake with your memory over me that’s a real fucking legacy to leave). 

The next part about “I know that you still remember” and national treasures and getting back together make me think of WANGBT and All Too Well and how the present experiences of older relationships can really force a person to reflect on what led them down that path - what was the twist of fate that caused the tragedy to occur? I’ll leave it there!

The bridge, besides being catchy as fuck, is extremely sassy and sarcastic; “i broke my own heart cuz you were TOO POLITE TO DO IT!!” This line is so interesting and it captures exactly what it’s like to be in the midst of heartbreak over someone that was hurting you - the break up is what is breaking the speaker’s heart, not the asshole’s actions themselves. “Waves crash to the shore, I dash to the door” is giving August. The rest of the bridge is exactly like how a panic attack feels - it spirals out of control and has the repetitive pulse of ruminating thoughts. It’s the moment that the past experiences combine with the present, and everything compounds. The speaker’s life is ruined, it was ruined before, it’s ruined now, the subject has all the control in this situation to ruin her life by abandoning her, but she always knew it! SHE ALWAYS KNEW IT! She knew from the first time someone called him on an unmarked number and she let it slide!!!! It’s the ultimate dramatic tragedy- the hero’s own hubris ruins their own life!!!!!! And thus, the shame cycle is born. 🤮

(to be 100% clear, while I think the song is set up as a tragedy - that is, the hero is responsible for his own downfall - I do NOT believe that Taylor is at ALL responsible for how the subject of this song treated her. She, and anyone reading/listening to this deserve to be treated better!! Healing from wounds like this is so so hard, and a lifelong practice. We heal from relational trauma when we engage in relationships that contradict the initial wounds and allow us unlearn those messages of self-hatred that were reinforced by the initial experience. I love this song because it captures the feelings of shame that are so so so common and important to acknowledge when we first set out to reflect and heal from old shit, and are maybe still engaging in relationships that don’t contradict the past experiences 💜🦋. I think this will be a huuuge theme on TTPD…. 🤍)

#Suburban legends #1989 (Taylor’s version) #Asks #c #would've could’ve should’ve hours #Wcs #tis the damn season #maathp #ttpd predictions #Trauma #ptsd

[mike----wazowski]

4, 5, 10, or 18?

hey thanks for the ask anon! 🫡

4. how many wips i have right now

in terms of active progress for fanfic... 💀 ive been focusing on my original stuff recently, bc i had like 6 months of rgg craze where i was only writing rgg content shshfh. oh and i also recently updated a fic i left for 3 years so i guess that counts as a wip? rn its a bit dry in the fanfic department tho

5. a fic idea i’ve had that i will never write

ooh god my notes app is full of these. one was a joongi idea where theres still one photo left of his past face in his old school yearbook, and he finds the courage to seek out that yearbook and see the last remaining photo of his old self. i actually still want to write that tbh but my brain is Disorganised so idk if it will happen

another was a shinadai fic idea where shinada's profession is utilised 😮‍💨 in which daigo proofreads a draft of his smut (listen im allowed to have my fun too i dont ALWAYS want to write miserable character drama 😭😭) (yes daigo nitpicks the grammar)

ooh and another fic where i literally wrote over 5k words about a depressed daigo spending a few days at morning glory with kiryu and the kids... why did i just drop that what the fuck i wrote so much of it

10. is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

basically all of them bc i always think people will hate them 💀💀 but seriously, the shinadai fic definitely. i spent months writing that purely just for myself and my own self indulgence and i thought absolutely zero people would care but i got some really lovely thoughtful comments and reactions to it :) like it seemed to have an impact and i was so happy and surprised to see that. glad to know the shinadai nation has more than three people!

18. one of my favourite lines i've written in a fic

AAAAA thats hard lmao. a recent line i liked was from my joongi fic

Yeon-su wails when he sees himself in the mirror- where am I? Where have I gone?

i could talk for several years about how barbaric his backstory is but yeah i wanted to capture the potential reaction someone might have when they wake up to see theyve been surgically reconstructed to be someone else

#ask #anon #thank ya for letting me yap 🫶🫶

[beaft]

Top 5 childhood TV programmes/cartoons

Top 5 abandoned buildings (that you have visited or not)

Your top 5 animal experiences

Top 5 compliments that you've received

puttin this under a readmore so i don't clog up everyone's dashes, here goes:

(i didn't watch a whole lot of TV as a kid - i preferred reading - so these are just the ones i remember! also i now realise that all of them came out over 20 years ago, which makes me feel terrifically old.)

1: the powerpuff girls

2: scooby-doo

3: spongebob

4: looney tunes

5: this one obscure channel 4 programme called "music, magic, myth" that retold folk stories for kids, complete with incredibly clunky 90s animation and stilted narration. i literally thought i'd dreamed it up for like a decade - and then, a mere two weeks ago, i found the VHS at my gran's house and was like HOLY SHIT IT'S REAL?? (yes, i rewatched the whole thing. it was even trippier than i remember and just as wonderful.)

abandoned buildings:

1: nara dreamland, in japan. one day i will go there

2: centralia, pennsylvania. it's more of a town than a building, technically, but i'm putting it there anyway because i'm obsessed with it to the point where i wrote an entire essay about it for my bachelor's degree.

3: does the winchester mystery house count? i don't care. it's going on here. i've been crazy about it since i was ten years old. the fact that buzzfeed unsolved did not one but TWO episodes about it is just icing on the cake

4: the flooded church of st. nicholas

5: michigan central station, detroit

animal experiences:

1: meeting a sea turtle while diving (it permitted me to stroke its shell)

2: going to visit my neighbour when their dog had just had puppies and promptly getting buried underneath a tidal wave of excitable 3-week-old labradors

3: that one time i was in trafalgar square eating a sandwich and about 10 pigeons decided to use me as a chair all at the same time

4: when i went to a fairground and they had, for some reason, a Snake Kiosk, and i very unexpectedly got to hold a white ball python called Lucy (short for "leucistic"). she was Extremely baby

5: forming a brief but intense spiritual bond with a dassie while on holiday in south africa

compliments:

1. someone at uni referred to me in passing as "the smart hot goth" because they didn't know my name. i rode that high for weeks.

2. someone else at uni who described me as "intimidatingly smart". very much not true (i am, as you must know if you've followed me for any length of time, a fool and an idiot); but nice to hear, all the same.

3. a person on this very website who informed me that my face looked like i was always just about to deliver a sinister Villain Monologue, complete with an array of rube goldberg traps and lasers

4. the time i won "worst dressed" in the yearbook awards at the end of term. yes i took it as a compliment.

5. a girl from my creative writing course who told me at a party, while admittedly very drunk, that my novel was brilliant and i shouldn't give up on it, no matter what. she probably doesn't even remember saying that to me, but i think about it all the time. it's stopped me from abandoning that book multiple times, and saved my life at least once.

thank you so much for this! <3

#replies

[raganandhersurveys]

6/26/23~ 5000 question survey(401-500) {CXX}

401. Some say that high school is the best time of your life. Was that true for you?

~hmmm i wouldn’t necessarily say it was the best part of my life but i definitely see where people get that from. i liked high school a lot and overall i look back on it with fond memories 

402. What do you find yourself encouraging others to try?

~styles i think would fit them. there are a lot of people that refuse to wear certain things because they think they look bad in it but honestly, i see the opposite; i think trying new clothing is really cool 

403. Which is better: Mel Brooks or Woody Allen?

~i’m not super familiar with either 

404. When was the last time you were up all night?

~i rarely stay up all night but a few weeks ago i stayed up late watching movies 

405. __ is life. The rest is just details. Fill in the blank. 

~that is a lot for me to wrap my head around lmmfao 

406. Are people too complex and different to be categorized? 

~yes; also morally i don’t agree with that 

407. Is it good to have pride in your own race or does that separate people from each other because it makes them think of everyone else as 'outsiders'?

~you can be proud of who you are and still love people who are different than you. i really wish people would grasp that concept. we are literally all humans and no one is better than anyone else 

408. What fictional story would you like to live through? 

~i watch and read such dark shit i don’t think i would ever choose something that i’m super into. but going to hogwarts would be pretty cool

409. Are cats or dogs smarter? 

~depends on the task at hand 

410. Have you ever guessed someone's password and broken into their diary?

~yes but like not to look in it. when i was a kid everyone’s password diary password was their crush's birthdate LMMFAO so it was really just to see if i was right 

411. What teacher, if any, has effected you the most in your life?

~i think one reason i never like hated school was because i had a lot of good teachers throughout it. i had the same english teacher for junior and senior year and i adored her. i also loved my sophomore history teacher and my 7th grade english teacher. all of those people wrote my teacher recommendations for college and wrote me like super sweet messages in my yearbooks 

412. Are you more easily bored or excited?

~excited haha

413. What's the bravest or most daring thing you have ever done? 

~this was the first thing to come to my mind lmao; when i went to summer camp when i was like 12 i volunteered to climb the super super high out door rock climbing wall that was in the woods; it had just opened and I was the first girl to make it to the top :) that made me feel really good 

 414. "What's the point of robbery when nothing is worth taking?" (- Adam Ant) 

~the thrill? 

 415. If your man or woman served you breakfast in bed as a treat what would you want?

~hmmm chocolate chip waffles and iced coffee

416. What do you do only when you are upset? 

~hug a stuffed animal lol lol 

 417. What's the oddest CD in your collection?

~i don’t really think i have CD collection anymore 

418. What's the best diary name you ever saw?

~hmm idk 

419. What would your friends be surprised to learn about you?

~i actually like having some alone time lmao

420. Who owes you an apology?

~i don’t wanna go there LMAO

421. Who deserves an apology from you?

~i hope no one right now 

422. How would you like to treat your kids differently from the way your parents treated you? 

~yes and no; i love my parents but i don’t feel like i can be open with them about things. i want my kids to feel like if something is ever wrong they can come to me. i never felt like i could depend on my mom ever so i definitely want my kids to feel like they can depend on me 

423. Which do you like best: 60's, 70's or 80's fashion? 

~ooooh alll of it but the 70′s especially 

424. What is the worst pick up line ever used on you?

~idk i haven’t experienced that in a long time 

425. Of the following, which word best describes you: inventive, kinetic (energetic), light-hearted, mature

~mature 

426. Do you own a record player? Do you use it? 

~my dad does and i use his when i’m at home but i don’t own one personally 

427. How easily do you make friends?

~pretty easy i guess but i keep my circle small and tight so i find that a lot of people don’t really wanna get to that point 

428. What is the difference between having character and being a character?

~having character is being unique and having a good personality overall where as i think being a character means you’re funny

429. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? 

~a poisonous dart frog :) or a great white shark 

430. Do you care about your weight?

~only mine and i obsess over it 

431. Did you/will you go to the prom? 

~nooooooo plz don’t get me started I was a covid highschool victim :(((((((((( i have vowed to give my children the most for prom one day just so i can vicariously live through them LMAO

432. Have you ever wanted to date twins?

~lol no 

433. What one thing would you change about high school if you could?

~i would have embraced who i really was more; i was trying to be someone i wasn’t for sooooo long. i also would have tried harder my senior year

434. If you came with a warning label, what would it say?

~will attach to you if too close

435. Are you artistic and creative?

~eh

436. What were you (probably) doing on this date last year?

~i cheated and looked at my snapchat memories. i went to tj.maxx with my best friend 

437. What are you obsessed with? 

~my boyfriend 

438. What was the last compliment you received? 

~”you’re gonna be a great mom one day” 

439. Do you have any brothers or sisters? 

~i have one sister

440. Who would you like to be alone with right now? 

~my boyfriend LMAO

441. Do you push people away when you really want them to come closer?

~not usually 

442. Is a prenuptial agreement necessary or does it take the romance and trust out of marriage? 

~i think that is a choice that others shouldn’t have an opinion on LOL. if for example i married jacob i trust him and know he is good with money so i wouldn’t get one. but i don’t think it takes the romance out of a relationship if you choose to get one

443. Do you lie your way out of things? 

~not usually

444. Are you better at talking or listening?

~i’ve been told i’m a good listener

445. What will only happen to you once in this lifetime? 

~graduating highschool 

446. Know of any conspiracy theories you think might be credible? 

~the government LMAO not tryna be that person but like i know there is so much bs 

447 What are the most beautiful words that have ever been spoken to you?

~anything my grandma has said 

448. If it were legal would you own a human slave (race unimportant)? 

~LMAO NO!

449. Have you ever read your own writing at a poetry reading? 

~i have not

 450. What is one simple thing that gives you the happy shivers?

 ~thinking about future plans i have 

451. What do you do for exercise? 

~depends on the day. tomorrow i want to do some core exercises so i’ll just use the machines at the gym that help with that and do some yoga mat workouts 

452. Would you rather have a strict teacher with a sense of humor or a lenient teacher that doesn't teach?

~strict teacher with a sense of humor; anything is better than a teacher that doesn't teach 

453. If you ever have a baby what might you want to name it? 

~depends! i have a whole list of baby names LMAO. but my top for boy names is ryder and for girls juliette.

454. If you won free tickets to a concert from a radio show and had to choose between Inxs, Poison, Blondie and Moby, which would you choose? 

~blondie is the only one of those i’m familiar with 

455. Are you a good cook?

~i’m ok ig 

 456. Do you prefer when things come with no assembly required, even if they are a bit more expensive? 

~i guess so 

457. Start a sentence with the words: what if

~what if i was rich 

458. Are you more spontaneous and unpredictable or loyal and routine?

~i think you can be spontaneous and loyal LMAO

 459. What is the highest number you can count to in your head? 

~maybe a million

 460. How do you go about losing weight? 

~i workout :) i try to eat healthy but that doesn’t happen often lol

461. Do you have street smarts?

~probably not

462. Do you have a lot of common sense?

~i’d like to think so

463. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

~strawberry or cookie dough or reeces 

 464. What's your favorite movie that involves dancing?

~dirty dancing

 465. Would you ever want to become a guest on a talk show? If yes what would the show's theme be?

~if i had an interesting enough life to warrant being on one lmao

466. Do you like the way you look naked?

~i’m fine with it LMAO

467. Have you ever dissected an animal?

~at school :/

468. Who do you know who is brilliant?

~quite a few. jacob’s mom is super smart 

469. Who do you know who is dull? 

~i can’t think of someone specifically

470. Do you ever think about time travel? 

~yes! i would love to do it

471. What is one interesting fact you know?

~i can’t really think of one rn

472. Do you talk to yourself? 

~oh my god all the time

 Do you talk to your pets?

~^

473. Do you believe that humankind has a future in space (will we live there some day)? 

~i think so

474. Would you rather wear clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty or more delicate outfits? 

~i don’t tend to get my clothes too dirty. so i’m good with either. i like wearing delicate things to bed because it makes me feel cute 

475. How do you 'live life to the fullest'? 

~i’m working on that LMAO

476. Are you sloppy or a neat freak?

~i’m pretty neat

477. Would you rather have a trunk full of nickels or half a trunk full of dimes?

~dimes

478. What is the worst mistake you've ever made? 

~i try to not dwell on that and frankly idek what i would say

 479. Are you in good health? 

~yes

\ 480. Are you patriotic? 

~yes :)

Let's play fact or crap. Is it a fact? Or is it crap?: 481-500 481. 

The greenhouse effect is bad for your health~ fact

 482. There are about as many molecules of air in one breath as there are hairs on your head~ fact

483. The Miss America pageant started out as a contest in which people decorated wheel chairs and one chair was judged the prettiest~ crap

 484. To remove a tattoo a physician can place a small balloon under the skin, which is inflated so that the tattooed skin gradually stretches. Then they cut the stretched skin away~ i feel like crap but i wouldn’t be surprised if it was true

 485. Cock fighting is a sexual sport~ crap

486. It is the warmest time of the day during the hour that the sun is the highest in the sky~ fact

487. Certain scientists specialize in studying cow farts~ fact; aren’t they bad for the planet

488. The brilliant colors (reds, oranges, yellows) across the sky that we get from sunsets are caused mainly by pollution~ i feel like that’s fact :(

 489. In Grimm's original fairy tale, Rapunzel is pregnant~ fact? 

 490. Dracula was the first movie about a vampire~ fact

491. The inventors of Corn Flakes, the Kellogg brothers, ran a school for delinquent youth~ fact; that is one of those things that is so random that i remember hearing in a documentary

 492. "Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo~ crap

493. Sir Thomas Crapper invented the toilet~ crap haha

494. The Earl of Sandwich invented the Sandwich~ fact. 

495. Some Chinese alchemists were trying to invent an immortality medicine and accidentally invented gunpowder instead~ that sounds right

 496. The human body is made of about 99% water~ i don’t think it’s that much so crap

497. Bubble gum contains rubber~ crap

 498 This survey to the zero power = 0~ fact 

499. Most lipstick contains fish scales~ crap

500. There are 86401 seconds in day~ fact

#survey #5000 question survey #120

[yakkunmori]

1

June 14 2022

today I had a yearbook party which just means that we get our yearbooks and we pass them around and sign each others. It was nice because we got sandwhiches and ice cream but also kind of weird

I realized i don’t really care about anyone in this school and the people that I do care about i don’t feel the need to be sad about not seeing them again because I will. People like my best friend or my other close friends that are going to the same college as me. Other people, like someone I considered one of my closest friends, im kind of glad to not see her after we graduate. She makes me feel icky and makes me go all quiet in a way that I don’t appreciate. I like her energy but she’s exhausting and she says things that i kinda just have to go uhhh ok to them.

Other people I don’t care about. They were fun to hang out with while we were there, and i enjoyed being in classes with them. I don’t really need to like, hold on to them though so their messages and signatures really didn’t mean anything.

Something I thought I would be more upset about was other people getting a lot of signatures/a lot of long heartfelt messages and me not getting as much/as long. Those people that everyone seems to like I guess, I wasn’t really close to. It doesn’t really matter to me if they remember me or write something nice in there because I didn’t talk to them and it’s ok if they don’t care about me because I don’t care about them either. I don’t need to be remembered by them because I won’t remember them either. I’ll see them in a handful of years maybe because of a high school reuniun or see them on instagram but it won’t really matter because I never really cared about them so I don’t need to care about them now or in the future.

People don’t really look at their high school yearbooks anyways

Anyways I got logan the crazy guy from pottery to sign my yearbook too because I saw him and his gf (jade) in the walmart parking lot trying to navigate one of those mobile shopping carts. He wrote fun things in my friend and I’s yearbook stuff like don��t trip down stairs or eat moldy bread. I really enjoyed the time I spent with him, he told good stories. His is the kind of memory that I like to keep. I also brought them ice cream sandwhiches which they really enjoyed. I loved their energies I hope they do well in the future.

I got the sandwhiches at dairy queen which i went to with my friend. We all got slushies!! I got this awesome one called a twistie mistie poolside punch. It was super good and I feel like i like multicolored slushies a lot. The tacobell has a wild cherry freeze which is sunset colored.

This is the DQ one i had :)

I’m also trying to find a laptop for college. I won a scholarship associated with the church I go to, and it’s enough to get a good laptop. I’m thinking of the samsung galaxy book which has 8gb ram 14” intel i5 processor 256 gb storage and I think it’s really good for my purposes. My dad is helping me look for one to get but he’s being weird about it lol. His idea of a laptop is either the $300 samsung galaxy book go which is exactly like the one i like but with a different processor, more storage, but only 4gb ram. that wouldn’t work for me because I need a bit of a bigger processor. Then he suggested a $800 laptop by some other brand. I think he’s nuts.

With the rest of the money I think I’m going to get new keycaps (not necessary but I think I want something with shinethrough) and a new backpack (very needed) since the one I have right now is falling apart at the seams. Shopping for college stuff is going to be so expensive so I have to apply to a lot of scholarships.

I want to work a lot over the summer to save up money for these sorts of things, but since a lot of people are on schedule right now, It’s difficult to find days. I’m also not going to enjoy it but it’s something I have to do. i also have to curb spending because I literally have everything I need, I’m just a little bit stupid and I like shiny things so I keep buying even though I don’t need it.

Most of my money is spent on snacks anyways or going out to eat because I like it :(

I miss talking to and spending time with my wife.

#journal #i dont like mel and i dont think she likes me and i dont really care about it i think #i know who i like and they like me and i think im more comfortable about ti #im way less shaky or anxious about stuff like that #something happened #ill chalk it up to white people but if i figure it out beyond that ill let you know #hello cheesie

[ottiliere]

you ever think about godtier karkat?

shockingly yes. I even sketched this out a month ago before getting bored of it and moving on

#karkat vantas #knight of blood #homestuck #lucy art #ask #not up to my standard of quality and I was never going to post but you prompted and thus I shall deliver #I have drawn so much art of karkat I just keep neglecting to post it #was utterly obsessed with him when I was in middle school. I was the autistic girl in your class who wouldn't shut up about the trolls #I think someone literally wrote in my yearbook about it

[bbangsoonie]

goal: your heart

member: sunwoo genre: fluff word count: 5,423 synopsis: due to a budget cut, you have to follow the soccer team around for both the school newspaper and yearbook despite knowing nothing about sports. before you know it, you find yourself warming up to the team’s star player, who you swore was the most annoying and arrogant person ever.

a/n: this is a part of the star player collab with @atbzkingdom​ for sunwoo’s birthday! (also, this will be written with the american academic calander in mind)

You knew exactly what you were doing. You were the top student of both your class and school and the leader of many clubs. Your college application was full of achievements and your essay exquisitely written. The only problem? You had no idea what to do after graduation. You didn’t know where you wanted to go or what you wanted to study.

Growing up, everyone told you that you’d eventually find something you love. By senior year, you thought you would at least have an idea by now.

But nope, you were even more lost if anything. Dream job? That was just a capitalistic lie meant to make people happy to slave away for money.

Grumbling, you listened as your friends rambled on about the campuses they visited. It was only the first day back and everyone was already obsessing over one thing and one thing only.

“Y/n, you’re so lucky,” Juyeon pouted. “You don’t have to worry about getting into a university. Your stats are literally perfect.”

“I have other things to stress over,” you groaned. “At least you know what you wanna pursue.”

“Y/n has other things to worry about. She’s about to graduate without ever finding love,” Younghoon teased.

“It’s all our fault,” Jaehyun squinted as he pinched his nose bridge. “We raised her standards too high. I’m sorry, Y/n, that I can’t take responsibility.”

The notebook in your hand threatened to fly over to his seat. Luckily for him, he was saved by Juyeon’s very unnatural attempt at changing the subject. He inquired about the school newspaper that was barely spared in a major budget cut last year.

Thinking about it made you sigh. You had poured in so much effort over the years for the paper and it was almost taken from you. The school was cutting funds for a lot of clubs and diverting the money to the many sports teams that brought home trophies.

A part of the negotiations to save the newspaper club was to feature more sports events and student athletes in order to garner support for the teams. You weren’t pleased with the decision. Your plate was already full without trying to inflate the ego of players who had a god superiority complex. Jaehyun was a great example of the type of jock you didn’t want to raise on a high pedestal.

You had also promised Kevin, the president of the yearbook committee, to help out with photographing games since you had to attend them anyway. Despite the many tasks assigned to you, you were relieved that you could spend your last year continuing to write articles.

“Does that mean you’ll get to come to practice with us? The basketball team is always on my ass about introducing them to you. Now I can finally stop being pestered to be the middleman,” Jaehyun grinned.

“No shot,” Younghoon shook his head. “My swim team has already tried but Y/n puts up a cold front.”

“Hey, I’m a delicately guarded rose with sharp thorns,” you joked, making Jaehyun pretend to gag. This time, the notebook hit his arm.

“No one is good enough for our Y/n,” Juyeon defended. You turned around to coo at him and said something about him being the only nice one as Younghoon guffawed.

The first day of soccer practice meant you had to stay behind after dismissal to meet the team. The coach introduced you to the players and beamed when he got to the last one.

“This is our ace, Sunwoo. Although I’m sure you know that already,” he said proudly.

To be honest, you had no idea who he was. The school was too big to know everyone and you had absolutely no interest in sports. You rarely even went to Juyeon and Jaehyun’s basketball games and Younghoon’s swim meets.

Not wanting to offend anyone, you simply smiled. Sunwoo, catching your hesitance, raised a brow. However, he kept quiet until he approached you during one of his breaks.

“Do you really not know me?” he asked as he took a seat next to you on the bleachers.

Surprised by his sudden question, you blankly stared at the boy in front of you. Sweat was dripping from his hair but he paid it no attention as he chugged an entire water bottle.

“How cocky are you?” you scoffed.

“You really don’t know our soccer team’s star player, Kim Sunwoo?” he gaped.

“Sorry to disappoint but I really don’t care or know much about soccer. Or any other sports for that matter,” you shrugged.

“You’re going to write about the soccer team… when you don’t even know who we are or what we’re doing?” he asked incredulously.

“That’s why I’m here to observe,” you snapped back.

Finding you amusing, he finally wiped away his sweat as the coach blew his whistle to gather the players again.

Sunwoo always gave it his best but for some reason he found himself practicing extra hard that day. Knowing your eyes were on him motivated him to show off his skills by annoying his teammates and stealing the spotlight. After his third goal in a row, he looked at you to see your reaction but was baffled to see you busy writing something down.

Frustrated and peeved, he kicked at the grass with a huff.

When practice came to an end, he snuck up behind you to see what you were so intently focused on. Reading the notes on your notebook, he hummed.

“So that’s what you were doing instead of watching me,” he mused.

You were listing physical traits and personality attributes of each player. He scanned the paper for his name and frowned when he saw what you wrote about him.

“Arrogant and conceited? That’s all you have to say about me?” he whined.

“What? It’s true,” you deadpanned.

“Haknyeon gets “tall, bubbly, and extroverted” but I get “arrogant and conceited”? That’s not fair. This is biased journalism!” he exclaimed.

Realizing that practice was over, you gathered your belongings and stood up to leave. With his cheeks puffed, he watched as you left the field. You were unlike any person he had ever encountered.

“Sunwoo? Kim Sunwoo?” Younghoon repeated with his eyes wide. “The soccer caption Kim Sunwoo?”

Jaehyun and Juyeon’s chopsticks froze midair in shock. Finding their reactions odd, you nodded as you took another bite of your lunch.

“I can’t believe the lady killer got rejected by the man hater,” Jaehyun broke out into a fit of laughter.

“Now that’s a title I’d like to see on the school newspaper,” Younghoon snickered.

“Okay, first of all, I did not reject him because he did not come on to me,” you rolled your eyes. “Secondly, who the hell is he anyway? Why do you all know him?”

“He’s notorious for his fuckboy image. Although I think that’s an exaggerated reputation,” Juyeon said you picked out all the vegetables from your plate. He willingly moved them to his own and you smiled gratefully in response.

“So my first impression of him was correct,” you said.

“He’s not that bad. He’s actually pretty cool. Rumors don’t do the sweet guy justice,” Juyeon explained.

“Our lovely Juyeon sees the good in everyone,” Younghoon gushed as he pet his friend, earning him a smack on the back of his head.

“We were partners for a history project,” Juyeon clarified. “I got to know him a bit and he’s a good guy. Just enjoys attention a little too much. Like Jaehyun.”

Weirdly offended, Jaehyun scowled. You shrugged it off, returning your attention back to your food. You had no intentions of getting to know Sunwoo anyway. At least, that was the plan until he bombarded you in the hallway while you were walking to class.

He blocked your path with that irritating smirk on his face. Exasperated, you asked him what he wanted.

“So I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday,” he started.

“Oh, so you do think?”

“Hey!”

“Do you think you can move and get out of my way?”

“Anyway, as the president of the newspaper club who’s in charge of covering the soccer team, I think you lack way too much information about the sport. And our school’s players.”

“How do you know I’m the president?”

“I asked around.”

You look at his eyes, trying to peer through any ulterior motives. He was being suspiciously generous. But he wasn’t entirely wrong. Even you thought it was ridiculous that a person who didn’t know a thing about soccer had to write articles about it.

You were also aware that any interviews with the athletes would be surface level stuff that all the students probably already knew. You were the only one out of the loop.

You pursed your lips, annoyed that he was right. Realizing that you were in agreeance, Sunwoo grinned.

“I am offering you the very special privilege to follow me around and learn everything there is to know about the team. For the paper of course,” he quickly added the last part after seeing the look on your face. “I can teach you about both soccer and my teammates.”

After pondering his proposal, you finally nodded.

“Deal,” you eyed his happy expression. “What do you want in return?”

He was taken aback by your question. He hadn’t expected you to assume that he would demand compensation. Your presence and attention were what he was after in the first place. However, he couldn’t let the opportunity pass by.

“Bubble tea,” he declared after some thought. “You can treat me to bubble tea after practice and I can tutor you then.”

“Fine,” you sighed before pushing him aside to make it to class before the bell rang. He was left behind with a stupid smile on his face.

The first tutoring session was extremely awkward for you. You weren’t used to hanging out with guys other than Juyeon, Younghoon, and Jaehyun. They were the only members of the male species you didn’t despise. This riled up Sunwoo’s competitive side. He was determined to get close to you.

He couldn’t stand having someone not like him. He was used to being on friendly terms with everyone—including teachers and even wallflowers. He had a strong desire to receive acknowledgement from everyone.

Perhaps that was why so many girls fell for him.

Nevertheless, the wall around you remained thick and high. Just as he was well known for his playboy persona, you were infamous for never letting guys in. You cold heartedly turned down any and every guy who asked you out. And there had been a lot.

Sunwoo, on the other hand, was excited to spend time with you. Bubble tea was just an excuse to meet you outside of school grounds.

His phone dinged, notifying him of a text. Haknyeon had sent him a screenshot of a post made on the school’s gossip page and wrote “this you?”. He snorted at the content speculating his relationship status after supposedly receiving another confession and rolled his eyes. Curious, you asked him what he was looking at.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he shook his head as he put the device away. “Just the stupid tea account.”

“Oh you mean that anonymously run social media page that popped up over summer break?” you frowned.

You hated everything about it. It spread rumors, without fact-checking, and started drama. It resulted in both a breakup and the end of a friendship in the span of two months. It was exactly what you and the school newspaper stood against.

Nothing could be done to stop the false information and invasion of privacy because it wasn’t officially affiliated with the school and the students continued to feed into it. People even sent in stories to be posted.

“So tell me what you do know about soccer,” he leaned in and propped his chin on the palms of his hands.

“I know the very basics from catching glimpses of the World Cup,” you leaned back on your chair, making him pout.

“Well, to be honest, explaining the rules is a lot easier to do when directly pointing things out during a game. There’s a match airing tonight. Do you want to come over and watch it with me?” he asked expectantly.

“We can watch the replay tomorrow during study hall,” you said.

“Then we can start by talking about me today,” he chirped. “My squad number is 19 because 9 is usually worn by centre forwards but I wanted to be special and added a 1 in front of it. I’m the centre forward, which is the main striker. That means playing offensive is my main objective. Which is why I’m the highest scorer on the team.”

You wanted to wipe the smug look off his face. It irked you how he so easily bragged about himself.

“I also really like movies and can play the guitar. A true all-rounder and romanticist,” he smiled.

He continued to reveal fun facts about himself for another half an hour. It was only at the end that you realized most of it was useless when writing for the paper. You groaned, realizing you had fallen for his trap.

Still, you learned some things about soccer and his position in the team. Following him to the cafe hadn’t been a complete waste of your time.

The next day, Sunwoo hunted you down to make sure you kept your promise about watching the game together. He dragged you to the computer room during study hall and pulled out the earbuds he prepared. He had purposely rummaged through his drawers the night before to the share wired ones with you.

You had to admit he was extremely helpful when explaining the rules and strategies of soccer. Despite being uncomfortable with the proximity of his body to yours, he was a great teacher. He made everything sound so simple. After you began to understand the game, you even found yourself enjoying the match.

After spending a week with him, you hated that you couldn’t say you still disliked him. After all, you two met almost every day for hours.

You had a gut feeling that you would come to regret it and were proven right. You had a bad feeling the moment you saw Jaehyun run up to you as if his life depended on it. Panting, he barely pulled himself together to show you the post that made him immediately report to you.

“KSW and Y/INITIALS seen cozily spending time together. Will he be the one to finally break through her?” you read aloud.

A photo of your backs from the computer room and a mosaicked side shot of you two at the cafe were attached to the title. The comments under the post were even more ridiculous.

“A challenge to be anticipated.”

“Poor girl will only end up as one of his many heartbroken playthings.”

“I know who KSW is. Who’s Y/INITIALS??”

“The legendary man hater? With a guy?? Wow how good must he be 👀”

“Damn so she rejected me for him?”

Your blood boiled and you shoved the phone away. Trying to calm yourself down, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. And failed.

“What is this, fucking Dispatch?” you exploded. A few students passing by stared at your outburst and widened their eyes when they saw that it was you. You sighed, knowing that the whole school saw the post.

“I’m not a celebrity! Why are people so invested in fake rumors about me?” you yelled, trying to keep your voice to a whisper as you pulled Jaehyun into an empty classroom.

“I’m sure it’ll blow over,” he assured.

“If I ever find out who the admin of this page is, I will ruin them,” you glowered.

You almost didn’t go to the soccer practice that day. But you knew that avoiding him would only add fuel to the fire so you sucked it up and went to the field after school as usual. You heard the hushed murmurs that stirred among the team when you arrived and you wanted to turn back around and leave.

Before you could, however, Sunwoo appeared and shut everyone up with a warning glare. He announced that the coach would be late and to start by running laps.

You were more annoyed than upset about the post. It just stupefied you that people really had nothing better to do than gossip about you. You didn’t think you were that interesting.

You were so close to escaping after practice but Sunwoo caught you trying to sneak away. He stood in front of you, crossing his arms as if to ask where you were going. Giving up, you muttered a “fine” and waited for him to change out of his uniform.

This time, you two wordlessly agreed to go to a different cafe. With the bubble teas on the table in front of you, you sat in silence until Sunwoo finally spoke up.

“Don’t mind what the post or others say,” he huffed.

“I’m not too bothered by it,” you shrugged.

“Good. Because I want to get to know you as just Y/n and Sunwoo. Through whatever you wish to tell and show me. I feel like we’re always just talking about me.”

His words left you speechless. Juyeon hadn’t been kidding when he mentioned how thoughtful Sunwoo was. You felt your heart warm as you smiled.

“Well what do you want to know about me?” you asked.

“Anything. Everything.”

So you spilled about your interests, hobbies, and goals. It was strange. Although it hadn’t been long since you met him, you felt comfortable around him. He made you feel at ease and you didn’t think twice about opening up to him.

You told him about your struggles as a high achieving student. About the pressure you felt and how embarrassing it was to tell people that you didn’t have any dreams.

With your grades, all the teachers expected you to apply to medical school. On the other hand, your parents encouraged you to work towards a high paying and stable salary as a corporation employee. Your friends suggested that you go for something in journalism because of your passion and commitment to the school newspaper.

But the club was just something you did for fun. You didn’t know if you liked it enough to pursue it as a career.

Sunwoo listened attentively as you went on about your concerns. From the outside, you looked like you had your life together. You were the perfect student and the girl that many guys chased after. But as he spent more time with you, it became clear that you were very uncomfortable with boys.

“Can I ask how you got so close with the Bermuda line?” he asked.

“The Bermuda line? What’s that?”

“You’ve never heard of the term? Juyeon, Jaehyun, and Younghoon are called the Bermuda line because they’re the most popular athletes out of all the sports teams. The girls say that once you fall for them, you’re stuck in between them forever because you can’t get out.”

You hadn’t laughed that hard in so long. You knew they had fans but found it hilarious how the trio even had a nickname.

“Oh man, I can’t wait to make fun of them for this,” you laughed, nearly in tears.

When he told you that they actually took great pride in the title, you bursted out in laughter again. Their self love truly was on another level.

“So how’d you end up friends?” he asked again.

“Juyeon, I’ve known since middle school. We were in the same class for all three years. Jaehyun didn’t go to the same school as us but he was friends with Juyeon because they played basketball together. I met him and Younghoon at the end of freshman year. They kinda crash landed into my life but we really clicked so that’s why I still bless them with my friendship.”

Sunwoo giggled at your own overwhelming confidence. He loved that you never sold yourself short. He didn’t notice he had been staring at you until you pointed it out. Blushing, he insisted that it was nothing and took another sip of his bubble tea.

Two months passed by and you eventually came to call Sunwoo a friend. Younghoon teased you about him being more than a friend and at first, you thought he was crazy. But with him planting the idea in your head, you began to question your own feelings. Cursing Younghoon, you blamed him for confusing you.

As the designated photographer, you tagged along to the soccer team’s last match. The entire team was nervous as it would determine the winner of the tournament. Even Sunwoo was anxious.

Before the game started, you offered him a supportive smile and he felt all worries lifted off his shoulders. He erased all thoughts of winning and losing and just concentrated on the ball. He wanted to enjoy the last match of the season and look cool in front of you. That was all that mattered to him.

Fortunately, he got both plus the win. The crowd erupted into cheers as he scored the winning goal just seconds before the whistle was blown to signal the end of the game. His knees fell to the ground and his teammates rushed to surround him.

Seeing how happy he looked brought a smile to your lips. He jumped up and scanned the bleachers for your face. When he finally spotted you, he broke away from his team to run up to you and embrace you in a giant hug.

Caught off guard, you froze as his teammates hooted and applauded. You felt your cheeks heat up at the attention.

“Congratulations,” you chuckled, patting his back. “You did well.”

“Did you get a lot of pretty pictures of me?” he grinned, pulling away to look at you.

“No, I only took pictures of Haknyeon,” you joked. By now, he was used to your teasing and simply ruffled your hair in response.

“There’s gonna be an after party tonight,” he brought up carefully. “I’d really like it if you came. Only if you’re okay with that type of scene though.”

Surprised, you nodded before you fully thought it through.

That was how you ended up moping at Jaehyun’s house. The invitation was extended to the Bermuda line as well and they were all planning on dragging you there. Younghoon was excited at the thought of finally going to a party with the whole group and Juyeon was picking out an outfit for you from Jaehyun’s sister’s closet.

“I don’t know if I trust your fashion sense,” she made a face at the top he held up.

This was your first party and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. There was a reason you hadn’t gone to one throughout your high school years.

Nonetheless, you were dressed up in an outfit that definitely reflected Jaehyun’s sister’s style more than yours. She fawned over how pretty you were and urged you to go with the boys.

So you walked through the doors and into the house vibrating with music. Everyone who recognized you was shocked to see you there. Feeling awkward, you stuck by Jaehyun’s side as you maneuvered around the throng of people. When he finally caught sight of Sunwoo, he dipped and left you alone with him.

“Thanks for coming,” he shouted over the loud music.

“Thanks for inviting me,” you shouted back.

Sunwoo offered you a drink, which you declined. Following your choice, he opted for a soda instead as well. You weren’t much of a dancer so you enjoyed people watching instead. It was fascinating to see your classmates have so much fun.

You giggled when you saw Juyeon be so painfully oblivious to a girl’s advances and walked away to dance with Younghoon. Meanwhile, Jaehyun was having the time of his life flirting with girls. You blocked your eyesight when you saw him leaning in to kiss one of them.

“Ugh, gross,” you cringed. “I do not need to know this side of my best friend’s love life.”

Laughing, Sunwoo offered to take you outside for some fresh air and a change of scenery. You gladly agreed and let him guide you to the backyard.

The night sky was full of tranquility that contrasted the chaos that ensued indoors. You sat on the grass and Sunwoo joined next to you.

“You look beautiful today,” he commented.

“Only today?” you laughed.

“Especially today,” he answered in a serious manner. His sincerity made you clear your throat and look away. He stunned you by cupping your face with his hands.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Are you drunk?” you blinked.

“I haven’t had a single sip of alcohol.”

His voice was slow and raspy. Your heart was beating faster than you wanted it to and you knew the corners of your lips were betraying you.

“You can either lean in or pull away,” he said as he brought his lips closer to yours.

Your heart now felt like it was about to jump out of your chest. Red alarms were going off in your head and you didn’t know what to do. All you knew was what you were only a few centimeters away from kissing Sunwoo.

So you did what any insane person would do and closed the gap between your lips. You wanted to punch him when you felt him smirk but he pulled you closer and held onto you tightly.

The weekend passed without much changes in your relationship with Sunwoo. You were worried that you had either ruined your friendship or that he was sick of you but Juyeon reassured you that he probably wanted to talk about it in person. Anxiously, you overthought things until Monday finally arrived.

Wanting to keep yourself busy until you met Sunwoo, you stopped by the club room early in the morning to import the photos from the last game. Shortly after you connected the camera to the computer, you heard a knock on the door.

Startled, you looked at the door and saw Jacob sheepishly poking his head through the door. You told him to come in and he took a seat next to you.

“Kevin told me to drop by before class for an interview,” he said. You nearly facepalmed. You had completely forgotten about that. You were supposed to interview him for the paper.

“Oh yeah! Hold on, let me go get my notebook,” you searched through your backpack to find it.

The volleyball player was this month’s star of the month and you had to write a piece on his past achievements. He was extremely kind and was careful not to use any advanced sports terminology to make sure anyone could easily read the interview, which you were grateful for.

Before you parted, he gave you a side hug out of habit and apologized when he realized that it was only his first time meeting you. You laughed it off and insisted that now you could be friends since you two hugged already. Relieved that you weren’t disturbed, he happily waved goodbye to you as he walked away.

Being in a different class than Sunwoo meant that you had to wait until lunch period to see him. You honestly didn’t even know if you wanted to see him. You weren’t ready to face him yet.

When the bell finally rang and it was time for lunch, Juyeon forced you to go to the cafeteria instead of hiding out in an empty classroom. The moment you sat down with your tray, however, you felt all eyes on you. Your stomach dropped, knowing it couldn’t be good news.

“Y/n, is this true..?” Jaehyun asked, showing you the new post on the gossip page. You hated that you were always right about bad intuitions.

KSW and Y/INITIALS caught making out at last night’s party… is BJY a side hoe?

You had no idea when a photo was taken in the brief second you and Jacob hugged that morning. When you scrolled and saw the next part, your heart dropped.

A shocking revelation of history: Y/INITIALS and SYJ used to date in freshman year. Does this have anything to do with the swimmer and basketball players always next to her?

You felt your breath caught in your throat as you read through the comments.

“Isn’t BJY on the volleyball team and SYJ on the baseball team?”

“Wow she clearly has a type.”

“I guess athletes just hit it well 👀”

“And here I thought KSW was the hoe… who’s playing with who?”

“Aye so KSW finally managed to break through her. Thanks for my $10 bro.”

“Aren’t the basketball players LJY and LJH? And the swimmer KYH? The Bermuda line, right?? I always thought she had a thing with one of them.”

“So much for the icy Y/INITIALS. She was acting all pretentious when she was already having all her fun.”

Juyeon grabbed the phone out of your hands and glared at Jaehyun. You never thought your past relationship would ever get exposed. There were only a handful of people who knew about it and it had stayed hidden under the rug up until now. It was something you wanted to bury and never think about ever again.

Shakily, you got up and ran out of the cafeteria with Younghoon calling out after you. You ran as fast as you could. You didn’t stop until you busted through the doors and collapsed on the rooftop. Your lungs were on fire and you closed your eyes to stop the ringing in your ears.

Meanwhile, Sunwoo was running across the school to find you. When he didn’t see you in the club room, he changed his target and sought out Eric.

“Is it true?” he demanded when he finally saw his friend.

“I can’t believe people already figured out that it’s me,” Eric sighed.

“Is it true?” Sunwoo repeated.

“Yes, yes, it’s true,” he answered with his hands up in defeat. “She never wanted anyone to find out. We didn’t exactly end on good terms. It’s something I’m not proud of.”

“What happened?” he asked, trying to contain his anger. “What did you do to her?”

“I…” Eric trailed off. “I cheated on her.”

“What the hell, Eric?” Sunwoo yelled.

“I-I was stupid! And young. It’s the biggest mistake I made in my life,” he admitted.

Frustrated, Sunwoo left and ran off in search of you again. When you weren’t anywhere to be found, he checked the rooftop as a last resort. He didn’t expect to actually see you there.

“Y/n,” he breathed. You felt a lump form in your throat. It was the first time he had addressed you by your name.

“Get away from me,” you glared. “Was I nothing but a bet to you? Was I just a challenge for you to win?”

“Y/n, I never placed bets on you. I don’t know what other people have been betting on but I have always been genuine with you,” he affirmed.

You refused to let your tears fall. There was no way Kim Sunwoo was going to see you cry.

“I like you,” he confessed. “I like you a lot. I meant to say this that night but got too flustered. So I wanted to tell you today. Whenever I see you, the butterflies in my stomach won’t go away. When I don’t see you, I miss you like crazy. You inspire me to become a better person and all I want to do is hold you and call you mine.”

And now Kim Sunwoo has officially seen you cry. He bent down to wrap his arms around you as you sobbed into his shoulder.

“You’re an asshole,” you mumbled after you calmed down.

“I think you mean the opposite,” he chuckled. “Whatever barriers you put up to protect yourself, I’m going to take them down one by one. With you. Together.”

“Who said I’m helping?” you muttered.

“Then I guess I have to work twice as hard to prove myself,” he softly smiled.

“This is embarrassing,” you groaned.

“This will only be embarrassing for me if you reject me,” his hand reached out to the nape of his neck. “So what do you say? Will you go out with me?”

“I’ll think about it,” you huffed, prompting a chuckle from him.

#deobiwritersnet #the boyz #sunwoo #the boyz sunwoo #the boyz fluff #sunwoo fluff #the boyz sunwoo fluff #the boyz imagines #sunwoo imagines #tbz fluff #tbz imagines #the boyz fic #sunwoo fic #tbz fic #the boyz scenarios #sunwoo scenarios #tbz scenarios #star player collab

[hiimsociallyawkward]

Dear Lara Jean,

HI. so i watched TATBILB: A&F a few weeks ago, and I have some words. Before I begin, i'd like to preface that i'm literally 17 and have no film experience, and that I've read this book once maybe 4 years ago but here it is.

ps. if you haven't gotten it already: there will be spoilers. Heavy spoilers.

first of all, i'm sorry but i really didn't like the little edit things. Maybe I've reached that point in my life where I don't f with that anymore. Like when theres a drawn house and it slowly fades so it's real life?? no thanks

the music choice... I honestly didn't have that big of a problem with it, but my korean friend kept going "wtf is this music choice" so i'm quoting her on that.

the filming and editing. well maybe it's just me but I didn't really like it. yk when you're watching a youtuber and they do those zoom in things and it's sort of fast and funny? I think there were a few times the movie did that and i didn't like it.

literally, lara jean looking directly into the camera?? it feels like it's breaking the 4th wall and maybe they're doing it to be edgy but no thanks i didn't like that either.

WHY???? Her breaking the 4th wall added NOTHING to the movie. It just took me out of the experience. I especially didn’t like it when they did it in PS I still love you when they temporarily broke up.

THEY SET THE MOVIE IN OREGON. WHAT WAS THE REASON. THE BOOK WAS SET IN VA, AND I LIVE IN VA SO I FELT A CONNECTION TO THE BOOK. AND THEN THEY GO AND SET IT IN OREGON. WHAT. WAS. THE. REASON

OREGON DIDN’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH THE COLLEGES. THEY’RE STILL PRETTY FAR AWAY FROM STANFORD. IN THE BOOK, UVA WAS CLOSE BY SO LJ WOULDN’T HAVE TO BE TOO FAR AWAY FROM HOME. NO OFFENSE TO THE STATE BUT WHY OREGON. THEY COULD OF PUT THEM IN CALI AT LEAST

ONE OF THE REASONS WHY LJ WANTED TO GO TO UVA IS BECAUSE HER FAMILY WOULD BE CLOSE BY. BY PUTTING THEM IN OREGON, YOU TAKE AWAY THAT REASON. i just want to 👊 whoever’s idea this was

FURTHERMORE: THEY CHANGED UVA AND UNC TO STANFORD AND NYU. I AM INFURIATED. THE WHOLE POINT WAS THAT THEY WANTED TO GO TO UVA BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE 10 MINS FROM WHERE THEY LIVED AND IT'S A STATE SCHOOL. LARA JEAN FELT LIKE THE WAS GAURANTEED TO GO TO UVA AND WHEN SHE DOESNT, IT ACTUALLY HURTS THE READERS.

in the book, LJ was waitlisted from UNC, rejected from UVA, and accepted to W&M. I’m sure you can find like 40 people at our school who can relate to this situation. I doubt 40 people in our school can relate to being rejected from Stanford BUT accepted to NYU. dear writers, please give teens across the nation (your target audience) realistic expectations for college admissions.

YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT PETER AND LARA JEAN WERE ACTUALLY QUALFIED ENOUGH FOR STANFORD. LEMME JUST SAY, I'VE APPLIED FOR COLLEGES THIS YEAR AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD GRASP ON WHAT IT TAKES TO GET INTO CERTAIN COLLEGES. YOU'RE TELLING ME THE TWO OF THEM. REALLY. GOT. INTO. THOSE. SCHOOLS. pls.

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE KISSING BOOTH. ELLE AND NOAH ARE POSSIBLY THE DUMBEST CHARACTERS I HAVE EVER WATCHED. I DON’T SEE THEM DO A PAGE OF HOMEWORK AND I DON’T EVEN THINK THEY ATTEND CLASS. LIKE MAKING A KISSING BOOTH FOR ONE FUNDRAISER FOR A CLUB THAT CONSISTS OF 2 PEOPLE DOES NOT COUNT AS ENOUGH TO GET INTO HARVARD. but that’s a different movie...

this is literally the idea that television and movies have in making it super easy to get into ivy leauges. as if some in state college isn't up to society's standards of where or where not it's ok to go to college. it's when gabriella montez goes to stanford, troy goes to berkely, ryan evan goes to julliard, teddy duncan goes to yale, cody martin is accepted to princeton, HANNAH MONTANA does to stanford.

and lara jean wants to study english lit. she never says “i want to go to stanford because of their great english lit program”. it’s only “i want to go to stanford because my boyfriend is going and i have no other life outside of him

fine. make your characters seem awesome by making them go to awesome colleges. but still. this is upseting.

you know how awesome it is to hear UVA, the college I've always wanted to go to, in a published book? and for them to just rip it away- espeically when UVA is so attainable?? Yea yea movie directors, i get it, UVA isn't good enough for you. whatever.

They had AT LEAST 5 MONTAGES. 5. FIVE. WHO NEEDS THAT MANY MONTAGES. To quote my friend "the movie is all montage and 30 mins of plot" AND I CAN'T FIND IT IN MYSELF TO DISAGREE WITH HER.

AND THE DANCES. I REALLY DIDN’T NEED TO SEE NOAH CENTINEO DO WHATEVER HE CALLS “DANCING” IN 2 MONTAGES. I know everyone fell in love with noah in the first movie, but i’m pretty sure everyone fell out of love with him in this one.

again, i know nothing about movies, but 5 montages?? it seems like you're just filling space and trying to make everything seem ✨awesome✨ and ✨amazing✨. SURE. everything might be awesome and amazing, but this movie was 1 HR AND 55 MINS. and you decided to add 1 HR of montages? WHy. AND. one of them was in slowmo. i can't

THEY HAD VOICE OVERS THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE MOVIE. sure. 1 at the begin and 1 at the end, I think that's cute. BUT THE WHOLE MOVIE?? WHY. like bruh- have a focus.

literally did anyone read the freaking book? Remember how- in the book right? Margot was actually really not ok with Trina bc she's sort of replacing their mom? and Margot is rlly not ok with it but gets over it?? see how that was summarized in like 5 seconds in the movie? Oh i'm sorry you used all your time for the movie making STUPID MONTAGES but can we get some actually emotionally beats next time?? thanks.

ok this is a big problem i have with the movie. in the 3rd book, peter tries to have a relationship with his dad who ran away from him years ago. He struggles with that relationship the whole book. This is good stuff. people can relate to this. the scene in the diner where peter “confronts” his dad was CRINGEY. It could be noah’s acting but i couldn’t take him seriously. AND HE FORGIVES HIS DAD AFTER 30 SECONDS. the movie tries to include these smaller storylines but can’t because of the time limit. i’m no screenwriter, but i’m sure there could have been a way to subtly move that plot line during the entire movie rather than that one conversation in the diner

and in the book, peter has to train for lacrosse so he has to eat healthy which stresses him out. i specifically remember him getting mad at someone (maybe it was john ambrose, i don’t remember fully) for EATING HIS CARROTS. this just shows that peter has a life too. he has to worry about lacrosse along with losing lj. but no, the movie makes him look like the perfect boyfriend who has no other worries in life except for the girl in front of him

remember how- in the book (right?? bc they had a book to go off of???) Stormy was a part of the 3rd book? like a BIG part?? They LITEALLY just used her as John Ambrose's grandmother (WHICH IM PRETTY SURE THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO IN THE MOVIES). literally, stormy and john ambrose were throw away characters in the second movie and i am infurriated. BUT ALSO I LOVE JOHN AMBROSE HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO HIM??

and remember, how in the book, how the dog's name is "Jamie Fox-Pickle" and they changed it to HENRY??? where is the flavor. what was the reason. SERIOUSLY.

BUT ALSO. CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG BUT THERE WAS A POINT IN THE PLOT WHERE PETER'S MOM TOLD LARA JEAN TO BREAK UP WITH PETER. DOES NO ONE ELSE REMEBER THAT?? AND THEY CUT IT ALL OUT OF THE SCRIPT?? LIKE WHY. WHAT WAS THE REASON.

ok those are my biggest book grievances I think. but lemme just say, they NEVER went to NEW YORK. They literally wrote that in for the purposes of NYU. in the book, Chris and Lara Jean DRIVE to UNC because that's ATTAINABLE. BC THEY'RE STATE UNIVERSITIES. ANYWAYS

LJ’s and Chris’s spontaneous trip to unc showed their friendship in a good way. I never really liked chris as a friend to lj but during the trip, they are besties and it shows. the movie tries to do that in ny but peter is also in ny for some reason. she should have fell in love with ny WITHOUT peter at her side nagging her to sneak out and go on a date. she should have spent more time with chris rather than thinking about peter while she was watching the band.

the scene where Lara Jean is in New York and at the party and she sees the band? To all the boys I've loved before: Always and forever?? more like To all the boys I've loved before: gay awakening time.

when they moved the pink couch to the subway? WHy? They wanted snazzy pics.

when Lara Jean and Peter were making up and it was a really cute sequence AND THEN THEY MADE HER LOSE HER V CARD. FINE. I GET HOW THAT'S REALISTIC BUT IT WAS A CUTE SCENE. MY FRIEND ALMOST STARTED CRYING AND THEN LJ LOST HER V CARD AND WE COULDN'T STOP SCREAMING.

this is different from what was in the book (for the 100th time). In the book, they don’t do it and it shows that you can be in a high school relationship without being physical. I strongly appreciate that message. This darn movie had to have her lose her v card. WHY. IT ADDED NOTHING TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THE YEARBOOK SIGNING WAS SYMBOLIC ENOUGH

the montage where it's a montage of all of lara jean's and peter's cute moments?? ok fine. that was cute. but they literally just took scenes from past movies. imagine the impact if we like hidden moments from their relationships. maybe they're laughing in the car together. maybe they're watching they sunset. maybe peter is looking at her lovingly while she sleeps. WHAT IF. it WASN'T a montage of all the "bigger" moments of their relationship, and we got to see them just exist.

UGH. THE VOICE OVER AT THE END OF THE MOVIE IS SO CRINGEY I CAN'T

"WE AREN'T LIKE OTHER COUPLES. NOT US, LARA JEAN AND PETER KAVINSKY. BECAUSE WE HAVE SOMETHING BETWEEN US. WRITING LOVE LETTERS" please. b freaking s

Some redeemable qualities

while i didn't like most of the songs, "like me better" by lauv will always be loved. especially since it's a call back from the first movie?? I can ftw

WHY WASN’T “LIKE ME BETTER” THEIR SONG???? I really thought it was a good song to be their song and they referenced it in the beginning. No offense to the “beginning middle and end” people, but i felt no attachment to that song.

they customized her phone. it looked like it was a 7 (idk rlly, i don't know crap abt iphones) but they customized it. Granted, I KNOW lara jean would be the one with the aesthetic background with color coded folder, but still- they did give her relevant apps. some to note include; tiktok, spotify, instagram, netflix, notes, messages, facetime, maps, whatsapp and the STANFORD APP?? whatever- i'm chill.

they did make lara jean make choices so that was good.

the prom ask?? That was cute. with the pancakes??

at the end when Peter played the song even though earlier he didn't like it?? I liked that. i liked that a lot. ok fine i more than liked that a lot. There are multiple texts where my friends are screaming at each other. In fact, 26 separate messages.

chris in general. granted, she was more present in the books, but i'll take what i can get.

some notable quotes by her, the queen

"I'm dead inside"

not wanting to do a gigantic walk down from the stairs and asking the boys not to turn around

peter said he liked lara jean's forehead kisses and that reminded me of emma chamberlain so that's a positive only bc of emma

I remembered that they were the class of 2021, and I'M class of 2021 and it just hit for a second.

my friend cried over their graduation but i felt nothing bc we're literally living in a pandemic and chances of me getting a real graduation?? we'll see

again, these are all just my opinion. my friend doesn't like the movie bc she says she's sad and bitter and seeing these cute couples makes her feel lonely but i'm just diappointed. the books were GOOD. they were gold.

there was so much they could’ve done with the movies, and i just feel like they didn’t deliver on anything. Jenny Han, i’m sorry. The movie overall, ik someone who cried about it and someone else who gave it 7/10. props for them but jeez i just wish for more.

ok but that’s the show folk. i mean, obviously everything i said was opinion and literally don’t listen to anything i’ve said. BUT. feel free to add what you hated or loved abt the movie too. thanks. i love you guys. “always and forever” :,)

p.s- omg not them ripping off taylor swift. jk jk. ok bye

#to all the boys i've loved before #to all the boys always and forever #to all the boys netflix #to all the boys ps i still love you #to all the boys series #lara jean x peter #lara jean icons #lara jean x john ambrose #lara jean x gen #lana condor #jenny han #peter kavinsky #noah centenio #noah scented mayo tbh #always and forever #tatbilb #i'm really sorry #i really wanted to love it #but also #there are no good peters anymore #only peter parker #rants i guess #i hope my anonymus person reads this #hi i love you #i have lots of thoughts about this movie #i'm not saying that it sucks #because i do know people that thought that this movie was quite pleasant #but i mean #you have the source material #this book is LITERALLY being made into a movie BC the source material is good

[virgils-eyeshadow]

virgil lore time

okay so i'm bored as fuck and y'all seem to be interested in one of my very unfunny stories about a kid i hate...enjoy reading it ig????

i moved to texas at the start of 4th grade.

for the first half of 4th grade, i went to what i'm going to call the crocodile school. mainly because our mascot was a crocodile (or an alligator, i'm not quite sure) and also because i was afraid of my teachers just as much as i was afraid of crocodiles. i disliked pretty much everyone in my class because they were loud and annoying. i really only liked this one girl who was waaaaaay too much into her pokemon phase. but hey. it was better than another kid i knew in the 2nd grade who's probably still one of the most devout christians i will ever meet. she used to make me pray with her at least twice every recess, and she constantly tried to pray for me or try and pray my atheism away like it was a disease or something. it's a long story that i could get into later. but the only thing that matters was that i disliked pretty much everyone at the crocodile school. especially that bitch emily mcdonald (first name is fake for privacy but the last name is real) fuck you emily mcdonald and your little fucking oligarchy GOD i hated that girl

and it seems that one 2nd grade girl prayed hard enough for me because, halfway through the 4th grade, my parents moved again. we moved to a house like 20 minutes away, but the house was zoned to a different school that i will refer to as the horsey school. the school's mascot was technically a train and a horse at the same time, but i thought the train looked fucking ugly so i'm calling it the horse school.

so, at the start of january after christmas break, i walked into my first day at horsey school. i liked this class a lot more! the teachers were nice. we had ms. east (fake name), our writing and history teacher, who was the chillest person ever, and also ms. k (i only remember her first inital), our math and science teacher.

ms. east's class was pretty standard. we wrote shitty papers, read basic texas history, practiced writing for the staar (discount sat test basically), and learned bad parodies of songs to help us remember writing tips. i remember "ice ice baby" was renamed "write write baby". pretty standard.

ms. k's class was where shit got weird. the people in it were mostly just. you know. annoying 4th graders. but this class had a few people who stood out to me. i had two friends in this class. one of them vanished off the face of the earth after we graduated, aaaand the other forgot i existed lmao. there was also a really, really smart guy who i think was named thomas. he was the smartest kid in our class and could easily solve any problem thrown at him, but he would take such a fucking weird route that not even my teacher could make sense of (meanwhile i cried over fractions in the corner). and there were your troublemakers, one of which was hunt (fake name ofc).

hunt was good at two things and two things only: being taller than everyone else (except the teacher ofc) and being a little shit. i never interacted with him much, but it was easy to see he was a bastard child. literally worse than the kid that almost got all of our staar scores cancelled through the sheer power of being an idiot. he was your stereotypical popular yet jerk sports kid all the way from the 4th grade. so i did my best to stay out of his way. it worked pretty well.

and then, one fateful day near the end of the school year, these 2 moms come into our class. one of them is hunt's mom, and...yeah i have no idea who the hell the other one was. but they looked like authorities so i walked over there to see what was going on.

it turned out hunt's mom was on the (parent-run) horsey school yearbook committee, and she would be damned if her son didn't get into the yearbook after all the money she raised for the school. but there was just one problem. hunt's mom wanted her kid to take a photo with someone else...but everyone else was either on unfriendly terms with hunt or just too fucking short to fit in the frame. that kid was massive, even in 4th grade.

and then i walk over. i'm one of the tallest people in the class, and since i had been avoiding hunt all year, i wasn't considered a "not-friend" or anything. just a loner. so that makes me the least bad candidate for hunt's yearbook photo. and so they ask me to go take a photo with hunt, and i'm too timid to say no. so hunt and i go stand by a wall, side by side, and it's awkward as fuck. hunt has a shit-eating grin because he knows he's getting into the yearbook, and it's going into his tiny head, meanwhile i'm just internally dying because ew god no i don't want to be in the shitty yearbook. and then the two moms start giggling. i'm super confused but...whatever. they take the picture, thank me, and leave.

skip to the last day of school. everyone (besides hunt, he took the last two days off of school to go to florida early) gets a yearbook and we're all going around, signing other peoples' yearbooks. my 2 friends are flipping through the pages, trying to see if they got in the yearbook or not (they didn't), when they suddenly call me over, laughing. the fuck? i walked over there, confused as all hell, when they point to a picture.

it's me, awkwardly standing side by side with hunt. i'm nervously smiling and standing straight, trying to make myself taller. hunt has a huge fucking bastard grin on his face and he's standing straight too, trying to make sure everyone who sees that photo knows he's taller than me. but then i see it. i finally saw what my friends are laughing at and why those moms started giggling.

the little fucking shit did the bunny ears thing on me in that photo.

and i've hated him ever since!

#virgil lore #i could go on and on about the shit i've done to subtly mess with that kid for the last 7 years #i've gone out of my way to do the pettiest shit to him #for SEVEN YEARS #at EVERY OPPORTUNITY #to make him pay for that. #damn you wolf

[fashournalist]

Just finished watching To All the Boys I've Loved Before: Always and Forever! Now I can't stop listening to Beginning Middle and End! Sigh, it's perfect for hopeful romantics like you and me.

Also it was my first time to attend a watch party via Scener, thank you for the invite, AJ sist!!! Am happy we got to hang out again even through a virtual movie date. Someday we'll attend film festivals when the pandemic is over, looking forward to the day cinemas open again!!

Time flies indeed. I just finished reading TATBILB book 3 on May 11, 2020 and I couldn't wait for the movie to come out and now it's here!! (Trivia: I shortlisted 30+ books during Big Bad Wolf 2020 but could only afford seven books. So I got six nonfiction (as a nonfic junkie) and only one novel—this was that novel.)

I'm glad it showed that love shouldn't hinder the pursuit of dreams; and they can grow together (both as individuals and as a couple) even when they're miles apart. I've seen people do that. One of my favourite power couples studied at Harvard and UPenn respectively, and their relationship made it. They're now happily married and I'm so happy for them. Relationships like these are goals :))

I can't help but compare the book with the film, but I enjoyed the movie in itself, too. 🥰

Some changes:

It rushed the proposal to Trina;

It totally simplified the promposal to Lara Jean;

It didn't show the initial conflict between Margot and Trina

It didn't show Stormy's passing (would have been a really sad scene huhu) and Lara Jean meeting John Ambrose again.

Lara Jean also gave the memory box instead of making a scrapbook.

Peter didn't give her the best tasting cookie in New York, but it's good she tried it herself.

The film also didn't show the conflict between Lara Jean and Peter's mom.

But if there's a change I liked, it's that Peter told Lara Jean their first ever meeting through the dedication he wrote on their yearbook. In the book, Peter wrote a really short dedication (and Peter gave Lara a hot photo of him so she could post it on her dorm room haha).

I also liked the little film surprise that Kitty had a happy crush on Dae!

Oh and of course, the major changes include the schools. And I actually liked it. Though the book has beautifully captured the campus of the University of Virginia, the plan B with William and Mary, and the plot twist of University of North Carolina, I think changing them to Stanford, Berkeley and NYU made it more relatable to a worldwide audience because they're more globally well-known.

Overall, it's a film that gives you all the feels while at the same time excites you to dream big. It tackles hard topics as well such as dealing with grief and growing up in a broken family.

I felt the bittersweet feeling when a trilogy or series that you love has ended.

I could relate with Lara Jean a lot, especially on the first movie when she never had a boyfriend yet and she was just writing letters. I love letters! And I never had a boyfriend, until today. Never been kissed, never had an MU or whatever haha. Though on the dreaming side, I could relate more with Margot. I'm a huge dreamer and I want to see the world. As for Kitty, I see the little me in her. Mataray, doesn't sugarcoat. But growing up, I've become more of Lara Jean with my quirks and very sentimental self. I'm also a daydreamer like her, and an idealist. Oh and, I'm a homebody! Give me books and movies and they'll be my date haha. Am a hopeful romantic. Although, I don't bake. But I make scrapbooks since I was a kid. I put art in everything I do. And I also wore literal gift ribbons on my ponytail in highschool haha. I hope, like Lara Jean, I find my Peter K someday (or actually, John Ambrose haha). But not anytime soon. Because unlike LJ, I think I want to pursue my master's degrees (yes, plural, that's the plan hahhah and yet here I am not even applying to any school so far) as a single woman haha. Well maybe unless I meet someone who can change how I feel, someone who will not hold me back from reaching my dreams, in as much as I will not hold him back from reaching his. But until then, it's best to be single haha! As a solo traveller, there are still so many countries to see on my own. Okay I'm daydreaming now hahaha!

Thank you, TATBILB and Jenny Han for giving us LJ and Peter K. Thank you for the feels and the pastel aesthetic and the great soundtrack. Thank you for introducing me to Leah Nobel's music!! (Am now in love with Coffee Sunday NYT and Talking to the Dog at the Party, aside from Beginning, Middle, and End!)

I wish I saw more of Josh Sanderson, though (I had a second-lead syndrome during the first film!! And I loved John Ambrose, too. Jordan Fisher is one of the best)

And thank you for making me want to go back to New York because clearly I have only seen less than 0.1% of it :(

I love how you captured a glimpse of NYC's splendor in just a few minutes! Of all the places you showed, it was only Times Square that I've seen in real life. But in time, will be back, experience the city, taste the same cookie Lara tasted—the best cookie in the world. And more. I'm daydreaming again haha! Here's a little selfie I had five years ago at Broadway 😄

For now, will take a break as my Dad and I are scheduled to watch Godfather II after dinner : ) Someday I will take him around the world!!! Amen in Jesus' Name <3

Omg I was just typing this and then Dad told me stories (right now) about his dreams to travel the world and we're going to places for lovers or astronomy. He's one big astronomy junkie, I tell you.

Who needs a date when I have the best date in the world, my Dad!!

Advance happy Valentine's Day, world changers!!

#Always and Forever #TATBILB #beginning middle and end #leah nobel #films #scener #film #reaction #thoughts #personal #watch party #stream of consciousness #lara jean #lara jean x john ambrose #lara jean x john sanderson #peter kavinsky #to all the boys ive loved before movie #to all the boys i've loved before #netflix

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #441

“all alone, he turns to stone while holding his breath after death  /  terrified of what’s inside, to save his life he crawls like a worm from a bird”

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Yep, a few. What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? If I'm having a really bad day, I can tolerate as early as 7:00. :x What is you favorite type of lunch meat? Honey ham, probably. What time of the year do you dislike the most? Summer is disgusting. It's too hot, too humid, too many bugs, and I just hate it. Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? No, that sounds gross. What is your favorite color to wear? b l a c k Are you an overachiever? Oh, hunny. What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Maybe uhhhh big eyes. What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'hara) would you marry? Darkiplier bc he is merely a misunderstood soft boi. How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? Legs: It's been nearly a year. Pits: not that long, considering I shave them every time I get in the shower. What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else? I'm sure it would be something in one of the letters I sent Jason. Or Dad. Idk. Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? The phase never ended lmao. What is your favorite thing about your life? My loved ones. Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire? Sorry, but I'm picking the animals. Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? Yes. How many real bfs/gfs have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Yes. Except for when I was with Tyler. Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Yeah. What’s the best Nirvana song? I'm not sure, really... Maybe "Drain You?" What was the last thing that impressed you? No clue. When was the last time you were in a pet store? Several months ago when I went in to get more rats for Venus. What nationality is your last name? Irish. What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Plain, rippled Lays in French onion dip. Who was the last boy that you saw cry? I don't know, actually. It may have been Sara's dad, which was years ago. Does your mom know you do surveys? I mean no, it's not like it's come up in conversation. Have you ever had a serious injury? When I was a kid, there was this one time I was running down the road with my friend, and I tripped; I was a fast runner, so I skinned the everliving FUCK out of my knees to the point there was even pus. I was SOBBING, and it took weeks to heal; I had the scars for years. What was the last thing you achieved? Losing weight at the gymmmm. Staying dedicated to going. Would you enjoy being famous? No. I couldn't take all the eyes on me and even ONE person's negative judgment. What’s under your bed? A big box of my art supplies. Do you enjoy travelling? Yeah. I wish I could do it more. Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? No. When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? Not since I first tried it at elementary school. It was absolutely disgusting. Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? I doubt it. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? No. If I'd listened to him while driving, I could've gotten myself killed while merging onto the highway. People are assholes and didn't want to move over. Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Probably "Freakshow." Does mind over matter work for you? Not usually, no. Are you paranoid? Oh yes. What is the best thing about winter? Everything!!! Literally the only BAD thing about winter is the dry skin/lips. I love the cold, Christmas and all that comes with it, the decor, hot chocolate, snow, getting all cuddly... Everything. :') Have you ever been truly in love? Absolutely. Are you currently planning a trip? No. A trip to Illinois is just a wish right now. How many plants are in your home? None, I think? What is your favorite possession? Excluding my pets (because I don't like calling them "possessions"), probably my laptop. Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? I have before, yes. What movies have tripped you out? Off the top of my head, the only entertainment media in general that has ever truly "tripped me out" was the first time I played the Silent Hill game. The movie didn't affect me to that level because I already understood the concept. When I watched Jason play it for the first time, I was SO confused and just blown away by the concept that I did loads of research and just thinking about it all. That franchise is just cool as shit, okay. Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? I LOVED rollerblading. I haven't done it in years, though. Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? NO. I will NOT settle. Being genuinely in love with my partner is too important to me for me to ever do so. I don't know if any of my friends are in that situation. Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? With my current body? FUCK no. If I was happy with my body, the answer is still probably no. I'm too self-conscious and awkward with that kind of stuff, and besides, I really don't think I want a picture like that to exist of myself to avoid potential trouble. Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? No. What summertime treats do you love? We have this local slushy place that is FUCKING BOMB. It may sound basic, but they have SUCH a vast variety of flavors and goodies you can top it with that it's truly just so amazing. How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. Save for how things were with Tyler... I just felt like I was supposed to. What do you hate most about moving? I. Hate. The process. Of moving. It is just so, so stressful to me. I have a very hard time confronting big tasks, and that's exactly what packing and unpacking entails. Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? Not necessarily. Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? No. Has anyone ever whistled at you? I don't think so. Do you like scarves? No. Is your father homophobic? Possibly. I don't actually know. I honestly don't think he took Sara's and my relationship seriously, so that may be a sign. Do you take gummy vitamins? The only vitamin I take now is vitamin D, which isn't a gummy. Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? Ha, yeah. I gave Jason a makeover once. Who would you like to meet before you die? MARK. I am so determined, alsdjfkaj;wek;rj. I just want to hug him and say thank you and ugly-cry. If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? No. Even if I had the body of a model. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The fuckin' flat earth theory, probably. If Heaven and Hell exists, where you going when you die? Well, considering I have an, uh, very negative opinion of the Christian god... Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? My mom. The day she passes is a day I am inexplicably horrified of. What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? My life. If there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? My mom really could use it. Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? I love "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, but idk if it was actually written for the movie. How old was the first person you kissed? He was 18 when we first kissed. Will you be a strict parent one day? I never want to be a parent. If I hypothetically became one, I don't think I'd be strict, necessarily, but very protective. Last person to stand up for you? Probably Mom, idk. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, a few. Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My dad. What’s your favorite high school memory? Just... a lot with Jason. Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? I prefer being in a (healthy) relationship, but I won't get into one just for the sake of having one. What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? Hmmm... scuba-dive, maybe? What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math. Italian food or Chinese food? Italian. I don't really like (most) Chinese food. Do you like to make flash cards when you study? I rarely did that. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Yes, somehow. Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? No. I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. Ashley. What do you think about Marilyn Manson? He's one of my favorite musical artists, but he's a disgusting dick personally. Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Nothing, really. I was a very well-behaved kid. Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? Yeah, I have a Canon. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? No. Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Not every year, but most. Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No. Jalapeños: yay or nay? I loooove them. Did you ever play Minecraft? Nah. My niece is getting into it. Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I did have one. I wasn't one of those premium members or anything like that; I just had a basic account. Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Bitch me. It's extremely embarrassing. I 100% got it from my dad. What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? The manner through which Jason broke up with me. It left me traumatized. What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? I'd lose a shitload of weight, for one. My teeth would be whiter, my eyes bigger and bluer, I'd want my hair colored/able to hold color far better, I'd lighten and lessen my body hair, make my skin clearer, thin my eyebrows... I'd change a lot. What are your feelings on feminism? MANDATORY. Absolutely necessary in a misogynistic society. However, I do believe some people take it way too far to a point it is anti-man and puts women on a holy pedestal. It is about equality. Describe your first relationship? Perfect, until it wasn't. Describe your last relationship? Wonderful and healthy, but distance and our health were issues at the time. Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? My history with sex is confusing and complicated and I really don't know. Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? Thinking about it... it's probably because of how Simba runs from his problems and bad memories, but returns to confront them and is victorious. That's how I want to be. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I'm nice and clearly sincerely cared about them and their feelings. Do you feel protective over someone? My sisters, nieces and nephews, Sara... What perfume/cologne do you wear? It's called "Blush." Where did your vehicle come from? I don't have my own, but Mom's came from a girl at the dance studio. She ran into a deer, and the front got fucked up, but the sweetheart paid to fix it up to being operable so Mom had her own car. The front bumper is kept intact with zip ties and duct tape, but hey... it works and has for many, many years now, lol. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? Ummmm... I actually don't remember. What is your favorite way to eat chicken? As tenders, probably. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: Red velvet. This year for my bday, our controlling-as-fuck family friend bought me my birthday cake without consulting ANYBODY, and I was so fucking annoyed. It was a very kind gesture, yes, but um, can I have a say, please? What do you wear to bed? Usually men's pj pants and a tank top. What were you doing at 8pm last night? Sleeping, actually. I was extremely tired and went to bed early.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''the bird and the worm'' by the used

[ms-demeanor]

After reading your "ultra-long postivity post", now I have kind of a weird feeling because i relate a lot to pretty much everything you said, but i ended up approaching the "not everyone can x" from the opposite side, being the "gifted kid" teachers used to hold everyone to unrealistic standards (that i knew most couldnt achieve in the given timeframes), and now i get frustrated when i dont develop skills immediately, because i have done it before and feel like i should be able to and aaaaaaaaaa

Funny story: when I was a kid my parents had both my sister and I tested for learning and developmental disabilities. This testing included IQ testing.

It identified that we were both “gifted” kids* and that I’m dyslexic.

It totally missed my ADHD, though!

The problem with that is that my parents. Hm.

Okay my parents both grew up in very poor families. VERY poor. And they both wanted to go to college and knew the only way that they could was through scholarships. So they became debaters. They met at a tournament in high school.

Debaters are weird. You need an efficient working memory and strong recall and the ability to think quickly on your feet. Being witty and kind of an asshole are also good traits for debaters. Basically you’ve either gotta be really fuck-off smart to be a competitive debater or you’ve gotta at least *seem* really fuck-off smart.

And my parents were champion debaters at a national level. The Whittier College debate trophy has my mom’s name written directly under Richard goddamn Nixon. My dad was on the USC debate team and competed against Harvard and won. Not only that but he ended up coaching debate for USC and Cal Tech.

So as kids who grew up in extremely poor families and were able to go to college and get middle-class jobs and buy a house because of intellectual ability my parents placed A LOT of importance on intellectual ability.

So that IQ score became a large part of my life.

First we attacked the dyslexia. The approach was basically teaching me a bunch of sight words because sounding out phonics doesn’t work when the letters get screwed up. And because I was *gifted* we did a lot of really BIG sight words.

It took about six months to get me up to speed from “memorizing the pages of a story to match the pictures because I couldn’t read along in class” to “the first book I read on my own was The Hobbit.” I guess that counted as “cured” because that was the last time I got any kind of educational assistance.

At that time I was at a gifted school, a really tiny private school that was also an after-school daycare where we did full-day classes and then did gymnastics and swim from 3-6pm. I also was there over the summer because my parents worked.

So going from “tiny private school where the teacher has you stand up in class to read your failing grade in front of everyone so that she could shame you into performing better” to “fine public school in a suburb wealthy enough to have arts programs” was a major, major change. They did an aptitude test because I was transferring in from a different district and there was much discussion about whether or not to move me directly from the second to the sixth grade.

The district refused, thank fuck.

The public elementary school didn’t *have* a gifted program so it took very little time for me to become the Certified Weird Kid. My third grade teacher had me read aloud to our class for twenty minutes a day. I taught the class the multiplication table.

When it got to be time to go to the junior high school my mom went to a meeting for the school’s gifted kids program. APPARENTLY one of the kid’s dad’s basically said “I don’t understand why you’re wasting school funds on field trips for the stupid kids, the school should spend more of its resources on kids who have a chance of actually meaning something to the world” and my mom decided that while being gifted was important it was less important than making sure I wasn’t exposed to assholes of that caliber on a regular basis.

(thanks mom, I actually do really appreciate that reprieve)

Several teachers pushed me into advanced classes - my math teacher insisted that I take the advanced algebra classes in the seventh and eighth grade.

The GATE kids *WERE* assholes and were extra bonus special assholes to me because math was the only advanced class that I was in. (At my junior high school you had to pick your elective based on what level of classes you were in - to take the GATE classes you HAD to take a music elective; if you took art, drama, shop, or home ec you couldn’t take the smart kid classes. The algebra class was a new, separate addition to the program so *some* of the kids in the “electives for dropouts” program could take algebra. Schools are really fucked up, guys, in case you didn’t know schools are really fucked up and that was BEFORE No Child Left Behind).

I got a C in that algebra class and sat in my room for literally an hour screaming at myself for being such a selfish, distracted idiot that I let myself read my books instead of studying harder for the class. (clearly very healthy, normal twelve-year-old behavior)

When it was time to go to high school my teachers made a united plea to the district to transfer me into honors/IB/AP classes.

The kids in the honors/IB/AP classes continued to be kind of awful to me. I got extremely depressed and basically started doing the lazy-but-brilliant thing of completely ignoring homework or in-class work but performing spectacularly well on tests or essays in the classes that I wasn’t catastrophically failing

I was the only person at the school who got a perfect score on the vocab part of my SAT. I was the only honors kid who hadn’t been in SAT prep classes. There was only one other kid who graduated with the same number of units as I had, we’d outstripped the valedictorian and salutatorian but three classes each. I only applied to one college - I got accepted for painting but my interviewer urged me to move to the writing program and I got accepted for that too.

My financial aid didn’t come through and my dad wasn’t willing to cosign for loans on “an art program at a trade school.”

I got accepted to Pratt Institute on their Writing for Publication track which included an internship with the New York Times for third-year students in the program.

At that point I had a Columbia Scholastic Press award for my work on my high school yearbook.

Let me tell you, the community college that I went to and spent five years variously failing and succeeding at had a fucking *killer* newspaper and magazine when I was there. The local community newspaper that hired me when I was 21 was also much better designed and edited than it had any right to be for the three years I worked there (getting paid a whole eight dollars an hour and sometimes working 20 hours straight to get it in to the printer on time).

When I transferred to the state school I got perfect grades and worked full time and won every contest offered by the school’s English Honors society (which I couldn’t join because I was a transfer student and hadn’t done honors classes my freshman and sophomore years). I started a literary magazine with some friends when I graduated; we published four full issues online before it fell apart.

You know what’s also funny?

Even the food-service job I had to pay my way though the community college I felt terrible about attending was a skills test. I was a barista, so of course for a while I was a competitive barista.

I disappointed my parents a lot. I heard a lot of “we know you’re better than this.” I got told I was too smart to be screwing up this bad. I mentioned it a couple weeks ago but my results from that IQ test got compared to my sister’s and that was the justification for holding me to a higher standard. “You’re measurably brilliant, why aren’t you acting like it?”

Here lies the corpse of a gifted kid. Look on my works ye might and despair.

I am the perfect picture of a twice exceptional gifted kid and the reason I wrote all of this out is to tell you one thing:

“Gifted Kid” is a label that someone applied to you, it has nothing to do with who and what you ARE.

It’s very, very unfair that the adults in your life used you that way. I have an exceptionally terrible memory of being singled out as the only one who passed the first test in my IB World History class; “Why is Alli the only one of all of you who is writing at grade level? You’re supposed to be the smartest kids in the school, why did you all fail?”

That’s awful for the kids around you, that’s awful for you. It doesn’t do anybody any favors if people around you are being informed that you’re setting the curve they’ll be judged against. And it really, really doesn’t do YOU any favors because it doesn’t take long *at all* for your brain to learn that that’s all you’re good for. If you aren’t the best at a thing then what’s the point, you HAVE to be best because they already SAID you were best and if you aren’t then all these other people hate you for setting a standard that even you can’t keep up with.

You end up competing with past versions of yourself and focusing on those things that make the grownups in your life praise you because the grownups in your life has praised you in such a way that it’s turned all the other kids against you.

You know who bullied the fuck out of me? The kids I taught the times tables to, the kids I read to for half an hour a day.

Those kids were MEAN to me but the teacher who told me to read Boxcar Kids to the class after lunch everyday was NICE and she told me not to worry, they were just jealous and I should be proud of my gifts.

“Anon did this in three minutes. What’s taking the rest of you so long?” - what a terrible weight to put on a child. You’re right. Not everyone can do everything.

Fucking hell.

Adults what the everloving shit is wrong with us? Please don’t treat kids like that.

Okay.

Okay.

But here’s the other thing:

If there’s any time in your life that it’s easy to acquire skills with no apparent effort it’s when you’re a child surrounded by a support system that is engaged in making sure that you can acquire those skills.

It took three adults, two dictionaries, and several hours a day to teach me enough sight-words to throw me into “look at baby genius*” territory but from my perspective as a little kid I was just reading cool stories.

I spent four hours a day in the yearbook room and ditched and failed other classes so that I could work on the yearbook. I collected hundreds of magazines to get an eye for layout. But from my perspective as a teenager it was a fun activity that I did with the closest thing I had to friends.

I’m sure that there are some skills that you had a natural aptitude for, some things that came naturally. But I’m also sure that you didn’t learn those skills with no effort, it’s just that now as an adult with a life and other shit going on it takes more effort to learn to do things.

In all likelihood you weren’t a savant who did everything perfectly the first time you tried. It just seems that way because even really smart kids don’t know when they’re bad at things and are mostly being compared against other kids (with the few rare exceptions of music prodigies or math prodigies or those kids who end up in science grad programs at 12 and boy howdy do I think there’s a whole other can of worms when it comes to the way child prodigies* interact with the world).

You wanna know what probably saved my life in the last few years?

That “anti-capitalist love notes” tumblr post.

You are worth more than your productivity.

You are worth more than your productivity.

You are worth more than your productivity.

I was actually kind of offended the first time I saw that post on my dash. “No I’m not,” I thought. “You’re only worth what you can do, everyone knows that. People care about what you do for them.”

And why the hell would I think anything else? That’s what I’d learned for pretty much my whole life.

It took me a really long time to understand that I was wrong. I matter outside of what I can do for people or how well I perform. I matter more than being able to perfectly recite poetry from memory or do calculations on command or sit down at a piano and play a piece I’ve never played by sight-reading it.

And you matter outside of that too. You’re more than your performance, you’re better than being gifted. There are people who love you for the way you make them laugh and how you listen to their stories and for the simple joy of your presence.

It’s nice to be clever, it’s handy in a lot of situations even if it does come with a lot of baggage for some people.

But god damn, it’s important to be kind.

* Personally I have issues with the way that society constructs the concepts of giftedness, genius, and prodigies. There are a lot of “gifted” kids who were the kids who scored in the top 5% of their class in school but there are also gifted kids who were doing high-level math or reading novels as toddlers; there are prodigies who showed an aptitude for music young and who were then schooled in that instrument to the exclusion of all other activities (and I bet there are a fair number of kids who might be considered prodigies if they were trained to play flute for nine hours a day and didn’t have friends but thankfully we don’t *do* that to very many people - side note, ask me my opinion about olympic athletes some time). Words like “genius” and “gifted” are very nearly meaningless and almost *never* accurately reflect skills proficiency or long-term success or are reflected in income or respect. People think that geniuses are hypercompetent robots with their shit together but literally every adult I know with a genius-level IQ is some variety or other of total fucking tire fire.

#congratulations you have unlocked level two of my tragic backstory #long post

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Lucky charm

A/N: This was requested by anonymous. Thank you so much for requesting! I hope you enjoyed! let me know what you think! 

Summary:  Hi I was wondering if you could do a reddie x reader, where they’re doing the ritual of Chud and the reader confesses to always loving them but never admitting it till now and they all make it out alive and live happy lives.

‘Your artificets’, Mike proclaims, ‘place them in the fire. The past must burn with the present.’

At his words, everyone goes to reach for their token, ready to burn them for the ritual. You hesitate, and decide to wait before bringing it out of your pocket.

You’re scared of the consequences. Despite only remembering the losers for a day, you couldn’t imagine having to live without them ever again. Bev pulled up the postcard where the poem was written on. The same poem that you and Bev had spent hours analyzing when you were kids. The times spend questioning who the boy could be that wrote it were some of the best times you had ever had in your life.

Back then Bev had hoped it was Bill, but looking at the way Ben stared at her and the card, suddenly the answer was pretty clear. You wondered if Bev had noticed, she never did when you were kids, and she didn’t seem to notice it now. She was the only one who knew the truth about you. The only one who knew that you had been in love with both Richie and Eddie.

It wasn’t really that you didn’t trust the other losers, minus of course Richie and Eddie, but you were afraid of what they might think of you. To be in love with one of them is already bad enough, let alone being in love with both of them. Bill is the first one to speak. He hold up a paper boat, with the initials SS Georgie on it.

‘This is the boat that I built, with G-‘, he paused, Georgie.’ He reaches forward and drops it into the fire. Nobody speaks for a couple of seconds, just letting it sink in that they were about to say goodbye to gimmicks of their past. Eddie is next. He’s holding his inhaler, toying it around in his hand. You don’t dare to make eye contact with him, the shame is already burning too deep for that. ‘It’s my inhaler’, he says. His eyebrows raise up while looking around the group. He and Richie share eye contact and your heart clenches. Then he reaches the inhaler to his mount to take one last puff.

‘Come on, dude’, Richie inquires, causing you to let out a wet laugh. Their dynamic hadn’t changed at all. Eddie then tosses his inhaler in the fire, looking at you as he does so.

‘Something that I wish I held on to.’ Bev stares at the postcard as she speaks, seemingly saying goodbye to it. Ben stares at her, captivated. The same way he has always looked at her, you wished someone would look at you like that.

‘This is a page from my yearbook. That only one person signed. I probably should have forgotten it, but I couldn’t because I kept it in my wallet.’ Ben takes a deep breath, ‘for 27 years.’ Beverly looks shocked, amazed at the fact that Ben still had that. It takes her a few seconds to realize that she was the one that Ben was talking about, but once she does, an emotion appears in her eyes. One that you had never seen in her before. You hoped they would man up soon, and confess to each other how they felt. That is, if they made it out of here alive. You didn’t want to think about that, but it was a real possibility.

Richie is quick to utter; ‘this is a token from the Capitol Theater,’ literally tossing the token in the fire.

‘You brought an actual token?’ Eddie mussed.

‘Yeah man’, Richie answers. You notice for the first time that Richie’s glasses are broken. You wonder if that isn’t annoying him. It’s such a unimportant thought that it almost makes you laugh. You are certain that Richie had had worse things happen to them but still.

‘Do you have any idea how long that’s gonna take to burn?’ Eddie complains crossing his arms on his chest.

‘Eddie’, you groan, though everyone can clearly hear the laugh in your voice.

‘That’s what we were supposed to do’, he adds exaggerated.

Richie grins at you. ‘Yeah but so is your inhaler, dude.’

‘Can you please stop calling him dude, dude.’ You beg rolling your eyes at the two man.

‘Guys, come on,’ Ben backs you up. You shoot him a thankful smile, missing the way throws him a heated stare.

‘All the toxic fumes and the plastic and shit so.’ Richie adds, not one to back down. Mike ignores them. He taps you with his elbow encouraging you to throw your artifact in. You falter though, and Mike must still know you well enough, because he relents after seeing your face. Instead he shows his tokes first, a rock from the rock right after which he joined the losers club all those years ago.

He drops the rock into the fire, without pause, and suddenly, you’re the only one left to show your artifact. Eddie taps him on the shoulder, ‘that’s not gonna burn either.’

Shakenly, you take the necklace out of your pocket. You refuse adamantly too look at anyone, staring ahead to a spot on the floor. You shake your head, trying to think of anything to say. You come up empty handed. You know what you would like to say, but you’re afraid of saying it, and you’re afraid of how the others might respond. You wonder if Eddie and Richie recognize it.

There’s a part of you that hopes they do, and a part of you that hopes they don’t. ‘This is the Necklace-‘, you pause, clearing your throat before continuing. ‘-this is the necklace that my two best friends gave to me. They spend a really long time making it, and they gave it to me when I was really sad.’

Technically that was lie, Mike was your best friend back you were still kids, but you couldn’t tell Eddie and Richie that you had been in love with them at that age, that was way too embarrassing. Your laugh sounds empty, without any joy.

You were happy to have the memory back of the day you got it, you were glad to have the necklace back. It was given to you when you were twelve, after a boy had stood you up for the school dance. It had seemed so important back then.

It was the first heartbreak experience you had ever had, and it seemed like the world was going to collapse. Richie and Eddie had followed you after seeing you upset, all the way up to the quarry, and Eddie had even joined you and Richie sitting down on the Forrest ground, despite how he must have been dying inside of doing so.

Richie and Eddie had gone to the prom with each other, mostly because no one wanted to be their date, but it still warmed your heart that they chose to come after you. Richie had offered you the necklace, apparently he and Eddie had been working on it for two months. It had a few different blue and green stones. It was tied together by a wooden string. It looked like it would fall apart at the seams, though as you kept it for many years, it turned out that it was more than sturdy enough.

Still, as soon as you got it, it became your favorite thing you had ever received. You wore it everyday and to every occasion. It was like your lucky charm.

You liked to believe that it was the necklace that kept you safe during pennywise, but maybe that was superstition. Either way, whenever you had a bad moment you would clench the stones in your hand, and it helped to settle you down.  

When you remembered the necklace, you felt awful, put it also made some things make sense. Like when you first got to college, and you reached for your neck, as if you were looking for something, but you couldn’t find anything. Now that you knew it existed you had trouble letting it go.

‘And it’s really important to me because I’m in love with them.’ Your eyes fill with tears instantly, and your  shaking gets even worse. You hear Eddie gasp, so you know he must have figured out what you were talking about.

‘Yeah, I’m in love with two people like some weirdo. I’m so sorry guys. It’s just that I can’t keep it to myself anymore. In my whole life I’ve never had anyone know me completely. I understand that I might have just ruined everything, but I don’t want to keep any part of me hidden anymore. I’m tired of hiding my feelings.’

You’re addressing Eddie and Richie, but it’s Bill that responds. He places his hand on your back, in an effort to comfort you.

‘That’s okay, Y/N, that doesn’t change a-a-anything,’ Bill consoled.  

‘Yeah’, sniffing you shoot him a small smile. You refuse to look at neither Richie nor Eddie.

‘Let’s talk about this after we make it out of here alive okay?’

You glance up when you see shuffling from the corner of your eye. It’s Eddie, his face a bright red. It makes the white of his bandages stand out even more. ‘That also isn’t going to burn’, Richie mumbles, just as shocked as Eddie. Richie clears his throat opening his mouth, probably to say something stupid, but you interject.

‘Hey what about Stan’s artifact? We should probably throw that in there too.’

Eddie is still stuck, his eyes darting between Richie and you, before getting an elbow to the ribs from Ben and reaching for the shower cap in his back pocket.

‘Right’, he laughs nervously before throwing the cap into the still burning fire.

Mike reaches his hand out to you, and you grasp it, turning around to do that same with Bill. It reminds you of the time after killing pennywise, 27 years ago. Except Stan was still there, and you hadn’t ruined your friendship with Richie and Eddie. However you couldn’t focus on that now, right now you needed to make sure that you killed IT for real.

‘The ritual of Chud. It’s a battle of wills. The first step was our reunion. The second was the gathering of our tokens. This is the final step.’ Mike explains. He looks determined, and you’re glad at least one person was confident that you were going to win this.

Eddie and Richie are holding hands, for the circle, but they’re still holding hands. You wished you knew what they were thinking, because it would help to calm your franticly beating heart down. You just wanted to know if they hated you. You could live with them not returning your feelings, but you couldn’t live with them not even wanting to be your friends anymore.

They weren’t looking at each other either, and it would rip you heart to shreds if their relationship was ruined by your confession. The fire suddenly blows out on its own. A quite ‘what the fuck’, falls from you lips squeezing Bill’s and Mike’s hand tighter.

Out of nowhere a light suddenly appears above you and the losers, and your gaze is instantly pulled towards it. It feels like you can’t look away.

Next to you, you hear Bill utter his own ‘what the fuck’, but you can’t pull your gaze away.

‘Don’t look at it’. Mike screams, having issues looking away aswell. ‘Don’t look at it’, he repeats.

‘Are those the deadlights?’ Eddie asks fearfully, but he follows Mike’s order without waiting for the answer.

You keep staring, mesmerized by the blinding lights. You know you have to stop gazing at them, but you’re having difficulty listening to reason. It’s Richie’s frightful scream of your names that snaps you out if it. The sound of his voice is so chilling, it causes you focus on him, suppressing the shiver that wants to roll through your body.

‘Turn light into dark. Turn light into dark. Say it’, Mike screams loudly. Frowning in confusion, you begin to repeat the words. It doesn’t seem to do anything, but considering everyone is following Mike’s lead, you continue to bellow the words anyway.

The lights come closer and closer, and suddenly it appears that they’re gone. The dark returning. Mike lets go of your hand, and reflectively you reach for him, but he’s already trying to push the lid back on the artifact.

‘Holy shit did it work’? You question, hope shining through in your voice. Mike laughs, a little manic, but he stops abruptly when a red balloon tries to push the lid off. ‘Is that supposed to be happening’? Bev squawks.

‘Mike is this supposed to be happening’?

It clearly, by the look of panic on Mike’s face, is not supposed to be happening, and in an effort to help him, you too reach forward to try and keep the lid in place. The damage is already done though, and the balloon continues to inflate, until you have to take cover before it explodes completely.

The blast slams you against a sharp piece of rock, hurting your shoulder in the process. Your ears are ringing, and for a second all you can focus on is the feeling of blood, dripping from you shoulder down your arm. Then Eddie appears in you sight.

He crouches down beside you, placing you in a sitting position. His eyes widen when they the blood, and he’s pushing your jacket off before you can even fully process that he’s here. ‘Hey Y/N, are you okay’? He ask franticly, but it sounds like you’re listening to him underwater. After shaking your head a few times, your hearing clears out, and you can hear Richie calling yours and Eddie’s name.

He too, worries about the wound on your shoulder, but you assure them both that it’s not that serious. You’ve had much worse. You realize with a startle that they’re both here and worried about you, so they must at the very least not hate you. The thought makes you smile.

‘What are you laughing at weirdo?’ Richie teases, and Eddie laughs. Before anything more can be said, Pennywise appears from behind the spikes where you had just stood a minute ago.

He startles you, and you jump up with a small scream. Mike’s ritual didn’t work, and you didn’t know what other options there were to beat this demon clown.

‘Oh did it work Mikey, did it work?’ IT taunts, and a guilty look takes over Mike’s face.

‘Tell them why your silly ritual didn’t work.’

‘M-m-mikey?’ Bill asks, the whole group peering at Mike. Promptly you understand what’s happening.

‘It wasn’t real was it Mike?’

‘What the fuck do you mean, Y/N? What isn’t real? Somebody answer me’, Eddie demands.

Mike nods solemnly. ‘I’m sorry guys. But, but they didn’t believe.’ He stammered. ‘They didn’t believe they could kill IT. That’s why it didn’t work back then, that’s why it was supposed to work now.’

‘Are you fucking kidding me Mike?’

The deadlight make a sudden reappearance, and in shock you grasp Eddie’s sweater, because he was the closest to you.

‘For 27 years, I dreamt of you, I craved you, oh I missed you’, IT chuckles darkly. ‘Time to float’; his hand turns into a sharp claw, going after the entire losers club.

‘Fuck’, you manage to say, right before you’re dragged along by your friends, running as fast as you can. You have no time to think about it rationally, all you think about is running and surviving.

Richie, Eddie and you seek coverage behind a giant rock, watching as the rest of the losers also find a hiding spot. IT goes after Bill first, but he must have made an escape as IT’s eyes turn to you.

‘Do you think he can see us’? Richie asks, making you laugh for a second before IT slams forward, causing the three of you to scream and continue running.

You bolt further into the cave, feeling IT’s eyes still on you. When you’ve run far enough to have a small semblance of safety, you pause, trying to catch your breath. You’re worried about your friends, and hope that they’re somewhere where IT couldn’t catch you.

You’re startled, once your brain process the fact that you are now alone with both Richie and Eddie after just confessing your love for them. They’re already looking at you, most likely waiting for you to say something, anything, but you can’t think of a thing. Your mind comes up blank, and you panic. You’re not ready for whatever they’re about to say.

‘oh no’, you mutter, before turning around and going back the way you come. Richie’s arms circle around your middle before you have even moved so much as a step, pulling you against his chest.

‘Where are you going, back to IT to get killed’? He ask which yeah, he has a good point. He puts you down, only when you promise to stay put.

Eddie stands behind you, pulling you into a hug as soon as you stand on the ground again. All three of your breathing is still heavy, but you do your best to calm down as soon as possible. It’s only when Eddie lets you go that you notice the three doors. On each door respectively is written; not scary, scary, very scary.

You’re not particularly interested in opening any one of those. Eddie and Richie day something, but you don’t listen to them as you step forward toward the door scary. ‘No no wait’, Richie says, ‘he’s fucking with us. He did this to me before.’ He walks towards the very scary door, and you’re terrified that he’s wrong. You hesitate alongside Eddie. ‘Trust me’, Richie begs, and Eddie and you look at each other, shrugging before coming closer to Richie.

He opens the door slowly, trying to gauge what’s behind it. It’s a dark closet, pitch black so you can’t see anything in it. All three of you are quite, until a fourth voice speaks up. ‘Where’s my shoe?’

You could swear you had heard that before somewhere, but before you can place it, Richie turns the lights on, and you hear footsteps coming your way. the legs and only the legs of someone come running towards the door. A woman’s voice is laughing. Richie, Eddie and you screeched, and Richie doesn’t hesitate one second before slamming the door shut before the legs can reach you.

You, not trusting Richie anymore, open the door in the middle, labeled Scary. You pull the door open without waiting for Richie and Eddie, not wanting them to be in danger. Behind this door, is your old bedroom. You frown, you can’t remember something happening to you in your room. You hear weeping sounds, and deciding to investigate, you walk further into the door.

‘Hey, Y/N, are you insane get back here’, Eddie whisper shouts. When you don’t respond both Eddie and Richie follow you into the room. The window was open, and despite being in a sewer, you could swear you smelled the lavender of your neighbor’s garden flowing in. You turn towards the bed, Richie and Eddie following your lead. It’s you that’s crying. Your 15 your old self, writing something down in your diary, you have no idea where that thing was.

You’re talking to yourself, and even though you know you never did that, out of fear your parents would hear, you still listened intrigued. You know that it’s one of Pennywise’s tricks, but you can’t figure out what he’s playing at. ‘Dear diary, today I got rejected by the two boys that mean the most to me’, you hear the fake-you say. You turn red, hoping to god Richie and Eddie couldn’t see it.

‘I mean why would they when they have each other? They’ll never fucking love you Y/N’, your fake-voice gets increasingly louder, until it’s so high pitched it hurts your eyes. Fake-you lifts her head, and you gag when you see what she looks like. Your eyes have fallen all the way into your sockets, it seems like you don’t have them at all. There’s blood instead of water on your cheeks, And there’s scratches all over your face out of which a black puss is streaming out. It’s a disgusting sight.

The fake-you cackles loudly, her arms coming up and aiming for you, but Eddie and Richie both take a hand and run out of the room. As soon as your back in the cave, you fall down on your knees, your breath heaving. Richie and Eddie sit in front you, doing their best to calm you down, but it’s not really helpful considering they’re not calm either. ‘Hey Y/N, look at me, I need to tell you something’, Eddie requests, but your too busy focusing on your breathing to comply.

‘Hey Y/N come, on. You’re okay’, Richie tries, but you still feel like there’s no air getting sucked into your lungs, so you ignore him for the time being to.

‘Fuck it’, Eddie proclaims, before tumbling forward, catching your lips with his. You choke, and the kiss is quite honestly terrible. When Eddie pulls back, you follow his lips, this time making it a proper kiss. Your lips slot together, eagerly reciprocating the emotion you feel behind it. When Eddie and you break apart this time, he turns around and kisses Richie.

The sight of them makes your heart grow twice it’s normal size. You’re breathless for a whole different reason now. When Eddie and Richie sink back, Your hand slots behind Richie’s head, bringing his face towards yours. The kiss you share it sweet and amazing. You never thought you would ever be able to kiss one of them, let alone both of them, yet here you were. The happiness you feel almost makes you cry.

‘Listen to me, I love you, the both of you. I can’t imagine my life without either of you. So let’s get out of here, kill this fucking clown and then we can figure this all out later. You just both need to know I love you.’ Richie says, looking mortified at the fact all those words just came out of his mount. ‘Almost as much as I love Eddie’s mom.’

Eddie rolls his eyes dramatically, and you give Richie a light shove, but the truth is that you are more determined than ever to kill IT, and to hopefully start a knee life with the guys that you have loved since you were thirteen. You didn’t need your lucky necklace as long as you had them by your side.

Standing up you reach for Eddie and Richie’s hands, and together you get ready to defeat it. Despite all the determination, defeating Pennywise is not easy.

You awake with a startle, reaching out for the light you know is somewhere on your bedside table. You can’t find it, but you do find a mop a dark hair, knitted with curls. You pull your hand back, startled, but accidentally pull at the hair aswell.

The person who the mop of hair belongs to groans, turning to face you. Richie’s face, what you can make of it in the dark, looks heavy with sleep, still, but seeing you panicked turns a switch, and he’s awake in seconds. On your other side, another person stirs, but doesn’t wake up. When you turn you see it’s Eddie. A breath of relief makes a way out of your lungs. The events after your first kiss were traumatizing.

For Richie because he got caught in the dead lights, for Eddie because he nearly got stabbed, and for you for seeing both of them get hurt so badly. Luckily, you all made it out alive, but it was a close call. You often had nightmares, but you tried your best not to let that deter you. You were happy in life, living with Richie and Eddie. Eddie got a divorce and moved to L.A, with you and Richie. After realizing how close you and Richie lived from each other, you too decided to pack up and move in.

Life was going great, and you weren’t going to let a silly little nightmare destroy any more of the peace. ‘You okay’? Richie asks, plucking a piece of your hair behind you ear. You nod without speaking, shuffling down to claim your place between the two boys again. Eddie, I’m his sleep, throws an arm around bit you and Richie.

You giggle seeing the drool that slipping out from between his lips. Richie snorts when he follows your gaze, stroking his hand affectionately through Eddie’s hair. He presses a kiss to your neck and tangles your legs together. When you fall back asleep, there are no more nightmares, and when you wake up, you thank your lucky stars that you got to have this.

#reddie #reddie x reader #reddie x reader imagine #reddie imagine #angst #a little #fluff too #My writing #bill denbrough imagines #bill denbrough #eddie kaspbrak imagine #eddie x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #richie tozier imagine #Richie x Eddie #richie tozier x reader #ben hanscom #mike hanlon imagine #beverly march imagine #x reader

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Drop the Evie essay you wrote

okay so first of all it wasn’t really an essay the way some of my ramblings are, more like just me writing down all of my thoughts in a vaguely coherent manner bc my brain was running too fast to really organize it 

and second of all, just to be on the safe side, these are the potential trigger warnings that I would give for the essay — I don’t know if they all actually come up or not, but better safe than sorry, so proceed with caution!

Potential TWs: being outed, parental neglect, character death (canon), suicide attempts (semi-canon), eating disorders, lots of mental health issues, and lots of general trauma and feelings of never being good enough, and canon typical references to drinking/drugs/partying/etc

so just like a fun fact, Evie’s vitamin water of choice is zero sugar strawberry lemonade and yes i spent too long reading reviews on different flavours all because gossip girl did an entire product placement episode

anyways now onto real thoughts let’s go lesbians let’s go

so okay evie has a... very negative experience with Lily’s various boyfriends and husbands.  When Evie was younger she was always hopeful that this time would be different, that they’d be a family, that her mom would actually stick around, and every single time she’s been let down and left heartbroken.  When her mom starts dating Bart, Evie is very against it but she just can’t be bothered to even try to talk to Lily — Lily will date him, maybe get married, play house, abandon her children, then get divorced, and the cycle will repeat, and Lily will never give a shit about how her children feel about it.  Bart is just the latest rich man for Lily to set her sights on.  Given the overall shittiness of most of Lily’s exes, Evie had figured she would be a lot more vocally against Lily dating again, but Bart... 

Bart himself may terrify Evie, but Evie’s unwavering faith that Chuck will always protect her outweighs that fear, and Evie has long since given up on her mom caring about her opinions so she just takes comfort in the fact that Chuck will be there and tries to just ignore the rest — and the fact that Bart is pretty much always away does help with that.  That being said, she was very distraught when Bart spends season 1 christmas with them, but then Bart’s “present” for her was flying Chuck home for a few days because Lily mentioned that Eric was teasing Evie about being excited about having Chuck as a brother, and he's trying to semi-win over the kids (aka bribe them into accepting him as Lily’s fiancé)

Evie speaks several languages!  She started learning French and Spanish at a very young age, and then picked more up from Lily’s various husbands.  She’s not fluent in all of them but she can hold conversations in eight languages — and four of them were from Lily’s boyfriends (and italian was half pieced together from French and Spanish), and she just keeps learning more because she tries to keep herself too busy to think at any given moment

Rufus is her favourite step-dad by far, but Chuck is her favourite step-sibling (and second favourite sibling, after Eric).  That being said, Bart was surprisingly decent to her because even he quickly figured out that Evie has the innate ability to get Chuck to do basically anything, and he wanted her on his side, only he underestimated how much Evie hates him for treating Chuck like shit — as she says in 2x07, “if you want us to be a family, you should learn how to be a dad”

Evie has a bit of a thing for stealing coats lmao — it’s not unusual to find her stealing Chuck, Eric, Theo, or even Nate’s jackets when she gets cold or starts feeling particularly self conscious.  At the housewarming party she actually gets to bothered by all the media watching her constantly that Chuck goes and gets her one of his blazers to replace the cropped one she was wearing, and she immediately feels a bit more at east

Evie is a jock like it’s understated but she’s on multiple sports teams at school and plays outside of school too — she’s also in dance classes several times a week, along with private vocal lessons, and being part of every theatre production at Constance Billard (musicals and plays), and is on the yearbook committee.  Basically, Evie needs a fucking nap, and with a lot of pushing from Chuck and Eric and Theo (to balance out Blair “do absolutely everything in the name of Yale” Waldorf) she does eventually ease up on her extra-curriculars

She holds far too much power in the Constance-St Jude hierarchy.  She’s a freshman, but it’s well known that Evie is completely untouchable.  Some people (cough Jenny) might try to cross Blair, but no one is stupid enough to go after Evie — she’s not just Blair’s protégée, she’s also under Chuck’s protection.  And when Jenny does try to cross her in season 3 (physical and emotional bullshit, public humiliation, telling the entire school she’d tried to kill herself and had been at Ostroff not “in florida”), well... she learns that even being family won’t stop her entire life from being destroyed

Speaking of Jenny... that’s a very messy relationship — I want to like Jenny, I really do, but I just... don’t so far.  They’re a very sweet relationship early on, neither of them had dated before and they were just really smitten with each other and things were good.  There were definitely some issues because of the Jenny-Blair war, but they’d been okay — or so Evie had thought, until Jenny dumped her by means of introducing everyone to her new boyfriend, Asher.  Then of course there’s the party and Jenny outing her, and then just not talking to her for months until she needs something from them (an in to the White Party).  Eric manages to convince Evie to play nice, but he does so under the impression that Jenny had apologized to Evie — he didn’t know she’d only apologized to him.  Eventually Jenny does apologize and Evie tries to forgive her, and she keeps giving Jenny more and more second chances (especially once they become step sisters), but Jenny really just keeps hurting Evie to get on top because with Blair gone, Evie immediately becomes the new queen, and Jenny cares more about being queen than being nice.  Little does she realize that part of why Evie became queen with no challenge is because she’s nice.

and regarding Evie’s other relationships... so serena was a really good big sister when Eric & Evie were kids — Blair was the responsible sister and Serena was the fun sister, but it was a good balance and it worked.  But when the twins were around eleven and Serena was around 13, she became besties with Georgina Sparks, and everything went to shit.  Serena started getting into partying and drinking and drugs and became just as flighty and unreliable as Lily, which takes a significant toll on the twins’ mental health — side note, one of their therapists at the Ostroff Centre believes that their significant codependency stems from the abandonment issues they have as a result of Lily and Serena just up and leaving them whenever anything “better” comes along.

And unfortunately for the twins, this was around the same time (grade 6) that Theo got sent to boarding school, so really they lost both their sister and their best friend at the same time, and Theo leaving also messed up the overall group dynamics and they half lost Nate too — he was still in their lives but he went from being the dad to Blair’s mom to being more of a big brother, and there was this sort of hole that didn’t get filled until a couple of years later.

And of course, a lot of it then fell to Blair to try to fill that hole and the holes left by Serena and Lily and went from being sort of “mom friend big sister” to “literally the closest thing we have to a mom”, which is also just a lot of pressure for a thirteen year old girl and part of why Blair and Chuck got a lot closer after he ended up becoming their dad was because she finally had someone that she could talk to too.

Also like full disclosure, Chuck never really intended to become their dad.  He started off as a reluctant big brother because he was Nate’s best friend and Nate was the dad friend when they were younger, and Evie just kind of decided that she loved him and like no one can argue with Evie so all of a sudden he was part of the family.  He doesn’t really become dad until the van der Woodsens move into the hotel because suddenly Eric and Evie are just always there, and he doesn’t even realize it until months later, after Serena is gone and he realizes that he’s been skipping parties to like play mario kart and shit with the twins and Blair is just like “lmao yeah buddy you’re the last one to get this memo”

and then there’s this list that I made of the NJBC’s roles in raising the twins and theo back when they were younger

Blair: holds their hands to cross the street, teaches them not to talk to people who wear sneakers or to strangers, teaches them how to dress themselves like respectable people, makes them finish their homework before watching tv, hates all of their nannies and only trusts dorota to take care of them Nate: teaches them to tie their laces and their ties, plays video games and sports with them, helps them with homework and doesn't get impatient when they struggle, lets them use his notebooks to draw in when they're bored Chuck: will destroy anyone who hurts them, teaches them street smarts and how to tell when someone is lying, is the one who lets them do dumb and reckless things because he'd rather they do them when he's there to get in trouble, still refuses to believe that they know what sex is Serena: reminded them that it's okay to have fun and draw outside the lines, stood up for them when lily was being a shit mom and always tried to protect them from the worst of her neglect, came up with games to play when they were sad to take their minds off whatever is upsetting them

And Theo!!!!!!  Theo has been their best friend for their entire lives!  They’ve known him since they were babies and the three of them have always been inseparable!  Like highkey they were just a more functional NJBC lmao, and we love them for it!  Theo getting sent to boarding school was really hard on all three of them but they stayed in constant contact and whenever Theo is back in the city, it’s almost impossible to see them not together.  Theo does know that they were in the Centre, so once he’s back full time, he’s spending as much time visiting them as he can!  Even when Eric and Theo are dating (and later when Evie and Theo are dating), the group dynamics really never change!  It’s still always the three of them, and sometimes Jenny in s1, they’re still each other’s family, and they’re still just a bit too interdependent to be entirely healthy (it’s the trauma and neglectful parents)

on a slightly related note, neither of the twins drink anything other than champagne and sometimes wine, and neither of them touch drugs at all, and it’s entirely because of Serena.  They’ve both seen how much she’s changed since she got into that scene, and especially since ‘liking partying’ turned into ‘alcohol addiction’, and they’re both too afraid of ending up like that to even take the risk.  It’s something that definitely sets them apart from pretty much any of their peers, but they’ve gotten very good at just laughing it off with a “hey, I just don’t want to end up on Gossip Girl tomorrow” which people generally accept

(that being said, Evie did smoke for a while pre-canon bc cigarettes curb hunger, but she hasn’t smoked at all since ending up in the Centre, and once she’s out too many people have an eye on her for her to even try, and she does want to stop)

(TW ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, fairly detailed discussion) so okay the breaking point for the twins... lily had just gone awol again and Blair was away visiting her dad and evie was at the archibalds’ house hanging out with theo, who was home for a weekend, and eric didn’t want to call anyone because lily’s disappearance had left him in a spiral of feeling annoying and like people didn’t really want him in their lives and there wasn’t a specific trigger but instead of the spiral slowing down or evie/chuck/blair being able to pull him out of it, it just kept getting worse until he was slitting his wrist in the bathroom — only Evie had just gotten home and when he didn’t reply to her calling his name, she got freaked out and started looking for him and when she saw him, she just... couldn’t deal.  She called 911 for eric but then she was just in the bathroom and covered in his blood and she didn’t know what to do and she needed to calm down so she grabbed a bottle of valium that she thinks was Lily’s but instead of just taking one pill she ended up taking all of them and downing them with a bottle of vodka serena had hidden — once she realized what she’d done she called Chuck and basically just said “I think I fucked up” and Chuck freaks out (understandably) and rushes to their suite and gets there basically just in time to see both of them being loaded into an ambulance; he claims he’s their brother and rides with them to the hospital where he calls blair, and arranges for his jet to pick her up asap, and then tries (unsuccessfully) to get in touch with lily

#lizziesxltzmxn #ask #answered #evie van der woodsen #about evie #freshman generation

[the-space-above-the-stars]

to all the boys my brother hangs out with

intro | a love letter, sleuthing, and six boys

Summary: Lee Y/N gets a love letter delivered to her through her brother. And through some quick investigating and the process of elimination, she figures out that the only possibility to who the sender is is one of her brothers friends.

Warnings: none, a love confession?

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1.1K (it’s short, but it’s just an intro)

Pairings: NCT Dream x Reader, platonic!Liu Yanyang x Reader, brother!Mark Lee x reader

“Okay, I accept that,” Yangyang continued. “But you have to admit there’s something cool about romance,” 

“For the last time, Yang,” you groaned, unlocking your locker and taking out some textbooks, carefully packing away your school-issued camera. “I would take a bullet for you, I will help make props, I will help sell tickets and run the show, I will take photos for yearbook, but I will not act in your production of Romeo and Juliet.” Yangyang helped run the slightly understaffed and underfunded school drama department, and this year’s production of Romeo and Juliet was providing him with some challenges. 

“Okay, even as the tiniest role? Romeo’s mom is only in a few acts? Or we can dress you like a boy and you could be one of the dudes fighting in Act 1? They’re only on stage for 3 minutes, max.” His desperation is slightly amusing, and you roll your eyes, stumbling back a second later as something pulls on the back of your bag. 

“Hey Y/N-ie,” scowling, you look up at your brother, Mark, dangling something in front of your face. “Next time you’re exchanging love letters with a guy, can you please make sure they put it in the right Lee’s locker?” 

“What the fuck do you mean, love letters?” He shrugs and hands you the envelope he’s holding. It’s a plain white envelope, with your name written on the back. “Who the hell is sending me love letters?”  Mark shrugs again. “Beats me. Come on, open it-” 

“Mark!” The voice takes your brother’s attention from the letter to the group of six boys, his friends, standing at the end of the hall. Lee Donghyuck, the one who yelled, nods his head towards the end of the hall. “Come on, we’ve got class!” 

“Coming! Tell me what it says later, okay?” Mark takes off, Na Jaemin wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Donghyuck waves at you, and you wave back before the boys leave. 

“Who sent you a love letter, Lee?” Yangyang bounces around you like a puppy, impatient for you to open the envelope. 

“Hold up, hold up, let me open it.” Tearing it open, you pull the plain piece of notebook paper out of the envelope and unfold it. The writing’s in messy blue ink, your eyes widening more and more as you read it. Fed up with you silence, Yangyang takes the note and guides the both of you to a quieter place in the halls, reading aloud.

“Lee Y/N,” he starts.

Lee Y/N,

I’ve been hiding a secret for the past few years, and I’d say I’ve been pretty good at it. But high school’s almost over and I figured now or never, right? The truth is, I like you. I’ve liked you since you talked back to Mr. Choi in AP Chem and got sent to the principal’s office. At least, that’s when I figured out I liked you. You’re smart, and funny, and so super talented at whatever you try, it’s almost annoying. And not that this even matters, but you’re also the prettiest girl on campus, you can quote me on that. God, I’ve never written someone a love letter before this is awkward. But yeah, we’re confessing feelings here, so I like you, Y/N. And it feels good that you know that now, even if you don’t know me.

“Signed ‘an admirer’. He literally kept this shit anonymous- but what the fuck Y/N, you have a secret admirer, that’s so cool! Oooh, what if it’s that cute guy from your Psychology class?” Yangyang’s more excited than you, the initial shock still setting in as you take it from his hands.

“Who? Who would write me a love letter? And why would they slip it to Mark instead of me? And why- okay, does this dude think he’s getting away with this secret admirer bull?”

***

And so, many hours later after you had sorted through your emotions and hate a good plate full of your mom’s M&M cookies, you and Yangyang sat in your room, staring up at the glow in the dark stars stuck on your ceiling. “So he’s a senior, we know that.”

“Or he could be a junior? I mean, a lot of us are already facing that high school’s almost over crisis, so it could be a junior or a senior.”

“Okay, it’s a guy. I can tell because I’m a guy and this dude wrote you a love letter on a piece of ruled paper in blue ink.” Picking up the letter again, you let your thumb trace over the drawing in the corner, a neon red bleeding heart. An absentminded doodle? “And he put it in Mark’s locker, but why-“

“Y/N?” Another of Mark’s friends, Lee Jeno, pokes his head in the door, flashing his signature shy eye smile. “Mark sent me to see if you have his extra gaming console?”

And as if magic, a light bulb lights up above both your head and Yangyang’s. Who would know Mark’s combination? You knew it, as a safety in case he forgot, and you knew Donghyuck knew it, from all the times he’s stashed his stuff in Mark’s. So wouldn’t it be safe to assume all of Mark’s friends knew it? “Uh, yeah Jeno, here.” He leaves, and you and Yangyang turn to look at each other, bearing a small resemblance to the shocked Pikachu meme. 

“It’s one of Mark’s friends.” You say in sync, cue to your mental breakdown and Yangyang looking like that meme of the crazy conspiracy theorist.

“That’s why they put it in Mark’s locker! They don’t know the combination for yours!”

“It could be any of those 6 guys sitting downstairs in my living room right now, Yangyang.”

“Okay, okay, lets make a list.” He grabs a piece of paper and a red marker, and you count down Mark’s friends one by one.

Huang Renjun

Park Jisung

Na Jaemin

Zhong Chenle

Lee Jeno

Lee Donghyuck

“Wait!” Yangyang has an epiphany, grabbing the list again. “This dude said you had AP Chem together a few years back! So wouldn’t that cut out Chenle and Jisung, they were just freshman!”

“No, they were TA’s in that class, they signed up for the same period,” You think back to that AP Chem class, where Mr. Choi sat you in the back for the whole year. From that perspective, you would remember everyone in that class. Jisung and Chenle sat at the front as TA’s, Donghyuck sat by Mark near the door, Renjun was the quiet one, near the window, and you were sandwiched between Jeno and Jaemin. 

“Every single person on this list was in that class,” you groan, the struggles of secret admirers becoming tiresome already. “That doesn’t help us, Yang!” 

“But I mean, we’ve got some progress!” Ever the optimist, Yangyang tacks the list up. “It’s one of these 6 people, you just have to figure out with one. Now come on, best place to start is at the beginning. 

1. Huang Renjun, the transfer student from China. 

A/N: This was short but I meant to make it as more of a sort of introduction to the actual story! Part one will take place with Y/N figuring out if Renjun did or did not send the letter. I’m really excited to start this story, so if you have any feedback of want to be added to the taglist, please do send in an ask or a DM!

- Sabrina

@chikinika

#nct dream #mark lee #lee jeno #lee donghyuck #na jaemin #huang renjun #park jisung #zhong chenle #nct mark #nct jeno #nct haechan #nct jaemin #nct renjun #nct jisung #nct chenle #nct dream x reader #brother!mark lee x reader #platonic!liu yangyang x reader #liu yangyang #nct yangyang #huang renjun x reader #na jaemin x reader #park jisung x reader #lee jeno x reader #zhong chenle x reader #lee donghyuck x reader #haechan x reader

[girl-in-the-library]

I just want to share my opinion on Harry Potter and JK Rowling being The Worst.

I think Harry Potter, as a cultural phenomenon, has long surpassed JK Rowling. It hasn’t been her story in a long time - and that’s part of why there was so much discontent with her tweets about Wizards pooping themselves and The Cursed Child.

It is; however, still her intellectual property.

My opinion is thus: I will probably still make Hogwarts house headcanons, and read Harry Potter AUs and fanfiction. I will grumble about being a Gryffindor who wants to be a Hufflepuff. I may watch the movies on cable or on-demand. I may reread the books that I already have. Depending on the art, I may buy fanart at a convention or on etsy. I will not throw out the stuff I already have, not that I have much, if anything, anymore. I will not stop supporting artists, writers, and friends who are still interested in Harry Potter.

What I will not do is support JK Rowling. I will not buy anything official - from bernie botts jelly beans to a gryffindor scarf from Hot Topic. I will not go to Harry Potter world in Orlando - even though that was something I had wanted to do for a while beforehand. I will not buy any of her new books, or write another post about this or give any more attention to JK Rowling herself.

This is not Death of the Author...that’s not what this means. It is possible to separate the author from the work, but that doesn’t mean we need to continue supporting the author.

Harry Potter was important, and is important, to many people. It was never an enormous part of my life, but it’s impossible for someone my age to have grown up without Harry Potter and its influence (I was in 4th grade when the first book came out, and 6th grade when I started reading them on my own). I don’t think it’s possible to completely remove Harry Potter from our cultural lexicon. The four houses have become as important a personality type indicator to many people as a Meyers-Briggs test.

My favorite book for the longest time was Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. I read it when I was 11. I wrote a mini-essay when I was 16 that was published in the back of the Authorized Ender’s Companion. I wrote my college entrance essay on how that book changed my life, and got into my first choice college with it. My senior quote in the yearbook was “The enemy’s gate is down.” I spent so much money on books, including the new ones, that OSC wrote, all the way up until my freshman year of college. And even though he had been bigoted the whole time, I didn’t know until then. It’s not as big a thing as the situation with JK Rowling, because Ender’s Game is not as big a deal culturally. But that’s when I stopped supporting OSC. I was 19. And for a book that literally changed my life, there is now nothing in my life that it influenced. Though you know what? I still do wish I had my original copy of Ender’s Game. But I won’t buy a new one, because I won’t support OSC.

It’ll be the same thing with JK Rowling. In my eyes, she’ll fade from my consciousness until she, and Harry Potter, are not important anymore. That will be harder to do for a lot of people, and some may not be able to. I think that’s okay...as long as we don’t actively support JKR anymore.

I know many people don’t agree with me. There are also some who do. But at the end of the day, these are my two cents.

#oh the inanity! #the discourse #not tagging anything else