#I think the last thing I uploaded there was 'Grief'

[hisunshiine]

—i kiss your waist and ease your mind [6/7]

Part 6 of 7 of the Seven Days Series ↣ series masterlist

🗓️pairing: nurse!jungkook x teacher!reader 🗓️au/genre: non-idol au, brother’s friend au, fwb, age-gap(reader is older), f2l, fluff, angst, smut 🗓️rating: M 🗓️wc: 6,323 + text message 🗓️warnings: angst, mentions of Gwangju Uprising, casualties from the Uprising, hospitals, argument, hurt feelings, minor character death, grief explicit sexual content: unprotected sex, creampie, grief/comfort sex?   🗓️an 0.5: WELL, THE POST WAS ACCIDENTALLY DELETED AND ONLY SHOWS IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS, SO I HAD TO RE-UPLOAD. 🗓️an: well, well, well…back again for some pain, are you? I would apologize for how this ends, but it’s necessary for the set up of the final day of the week, and truly, I think it makes the final day that much more better if we have to hurt a little bit more, right? Thank you for reading, and again, I appreciate my beta readers for all of their help!   🗓️summary: “i kiss your waist and ease your mind.” The only thing that could make you feel better is the same thing that made you feel worse. You and Jungkook are both confused with your emotions, but two different stories help you both see a bit more clearly. The only problem is that when the two of you get around each other, clarity goes bye-bye. don’t let these soft lyrics fool you; make up sex doesn’t actually solve any issues if sex is the only communication that happens.  

Taglist: @sizzlingfestpeach @mochminnie @jungkooksmytype @kookslastbutton @taebangtanbabe @bbtsficrecs @jk97bam it’s not letting me tag you (if joining the taglist, please think about reblogging with tags/leaving feedback!)

Last night could not have been any worse for Jungkook—well, he’s sure it could have—but luckily the worst that could’ve been, had not come to be. Today, however, is proving itself to be a challenge in its own right. Jungkook knew he had to work early in the morning, but was alright with going out last night because he was with you. 

Last night honestly had been turning into a great night—the way you had silently laid your claim to him at the club, possessive of him in a healthy way—Jungkook thought things were progressing in the right direction. And clearly, you did, too. Hell, he knew he was all over you last night. Knew that he was taking a huge risk in advancing the relationship past friends with benefits when he threw all caution out the window to kiss you like that in front of your friends, but at the time, Jungkook didn’t care. 

And now? Well, that would be a different story, seeing as now that several people know that you’re the one he’s been fucking every night, they might all think something more should come from this situation. Jungkook doesn’t know what to tell them if they ask, and he’s been avoiding Jimin every chance he gets during his shift so far, because he doesn’t really know what to say. He walks to the nurses station to grab his oversized water bottle, drinking several large gulps before being interrupted. 

“Jeon, we have a case that’s just moved over to us, can you help?” Park Soo-hyun, the head nurse for the shift, asks him. As he lowers the semi-transparent canister, he takes in her cotton candy pink hair, which is mussed in a few places; the corners of her eyes are pinched with stress.

“Yeah, no problem.” Jungkook sets the bottle back on the shelf, and follows the shorter Nurse Park down the hallway to the right of the nurses station and watches as she pauses at the elevators to press the call button. Jungkook slows his walk and raises an eyebrow at his fellow nurse. 

“Sorry, we need the help on another unit,” she shrugs, elbow extending her arm to pass Jungkook a slim tablet with the patient's info pulled up. 

“Honestly, that’s perfect.” Escaping to a different floor means almost zero percent chance of Jungkook running into Jimin, so he strolls into the elevator with no regrets. 

Jungkook scrolls past the general information to see just exactly what he’s dealing with as the metal carriage rises. 

His heart breaks a little when he sees that this case is a hospice care one—a focus on the quality of life at the end of it. He follows Nurse Park, barely noticing as he puts one foot after the other, approaching the room. There are several acronyms listed in bold to the left of the door. This clues him into the fact that the goal has shifted from treatment care to comfort. 

Jungkook sees a sleeping, elderly woman in the hospital bed closest to the window, her grey hair pulled away from her face in a short ponytail. Next to her side is a similarly (he assumes) aged man, holding her wrinkled hand in his own. It is a sight that tugs at Jungkook’s heart; he doesn’t usually struggle with the elderly, just small children who end up in this unit, but with how he’s currently feeling about you, he thinks it's impacting him more than he’s used to. 

“Mr. Kim? This is Nurse Jeon. He’ll be with you and your wife for most of today,” Soo-Hyun says kindly as she pats Jungkook’s back in a motherly nature. “Please let him know if you need anything, okay?” She passes Jungkook a small phone, which he pockets, and leaves him in the sunlit room. He steps closer, pulling up the doctor’s chair to sit; a small, rolling, cushioned stool in hospital green. He glances at their names on the whiteboard. Patient: Jung Min-Ji, Spouse: Kim Tae-Woo.

“Hi, Mr. Kim,” Jungkook starts, voice gentle and quiet so as not to disturb the sleeping woman.

“Hello,” Mr. Kim replies, voice weathered with time and wisdom. “We’re okay, son, you don’t need to sit with this old man.”

Jungkook is no stranger to the phrases the older generation tend to say when in this position. The feelings of being a burden on the hospital staff, guilt for brief thoughts blaming their loved one for being in this position, grief that they could possibly lose their loved one—they’re all valid emotions, and a lot for a person to bear. Especially an elderly man who appears to be carrying this weight alone. Instead of responding to his statement, Jungkook changes the topic. “How did the two of you meet?”

The man’s eyes sparkle to life as he looks at Jungkook’s eager face. “Oh, we’ve known each other since we were kids. She was the most beautiful girl in the village, and I was just some dumb kid who followed her around like a puppy. She’s older than me, you see, and I was the annoying little brother of her best friend.” He smiles fondly at her sleeping form, and Jungkook feels his chest grow tight. “She used to hate my guts. My friends and I would terrorize her and her friends, pull their ponytails, leave frogs in their backpacks, all the terrible things thirteen-year-old boys would do to pretty girls they were afraid to talk to.”

“No wonder she hated you, Mr. Kim!” Jungkook laughs. “I’m guessing you finally stopped tormenting her if she ended up married to you?” Jungkook points out.

“Yes, yes.” The man chortles fondly as he reminisces. “I finally grew up, and realized that treating her badly was not the way to her heart. A little too late, though. She ended up married to some other punk in the neighborhood. He wisened up a little faster than I did, told her how he felt one winter, and they were married by the time the cherry blossoms bloomed.” He sighs, and Jungkook tilts his head, questioning. “Oh, I was distraught. I couldn’t do anything about it, though, I realized that I missed my chance, busy playing games. I ended up married to one of her friends, and well, we spent the next fifteen years circling each other.”

“Wow, that must’ve been hard to deal with.” Jungkook can’t imagine being in his shoes. Or well, he can, but he doesn’t want to imagine that future for himself. Doesn’t want to see a future where he stands in suit and tie to take wedding photos, and it’s not you next to him in them.

“Oh, I loved her enough, my ex-wife, but I think she always knew deep down that she wasn’t…she wasn’t Min-Ji.” Jungkook can see his hand tighten imperceptibly around his wife’s frail one. “We never had kids, and when I came home from work one day to find her waiting with her things packed...I think I always knew that day would come.”

“So, how did you end up winning over Min-Ji?” Jungkook is intrigued by the man’s story. He doesn’t know what he would do in this situation.

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it that. She was thirty-two with a new-born daughter, and left a widow after the Gwangju Uprising. Her husband was one of the many lost that summer. I was freshly twenty-eight, newly single, with an empty house, and still in love with her. I stepped up as her friend, offering her and her daughter a place to live and slowly we became a family. I asked her to marry me a couple years later and she said yes.” Kim Tae-Woo’s eyes water, and even in the dimly lit room, Jungkook can see the love he has for the woman in front of him. 

“That’s an amazing story, Mr. Kim. I’m glad you found each other.”

“Oh, me too. She’s given me everything I never knew I wanted. Three children and the best forty-three years of my life. She’s my everything.” He turns back to Jungkook, a look on his face that he can’t read. “Do you have someone, Nurse Jeon? Someone you love more than your own life?”

The question throws Jungkook for a loop, because the whole time his patient’s spouse was telling their story, there was only one person who crossed his mind. You. He hesitates to answer, but Mr. Kim was honest with him, and Jungkook is sure that he can be vulnerable with this man, too. 

“Yeah, I think I do.”

—————

“Stop staring at your phone and moping, oh my god.” Yoongi rolls his eyes at your mood, whispering to Leah about how you’re the rain cloud following them around, ready to ruin the wedding tomorrow. 

You glance at the message one last time before locking your phone and stuffing it into your hoodie’s front pocket. 

You hate that you and Jungkook ended the night like you did, even more that he didn’t text you his usual morning text. The thumbs-up emoji haunted your dreams last night, and you barely slept, waking up throughout the night. The bags under your eyes reflect the nightmares, a fact your annoying little brother enjoyed pointing out when they picked you up at 10 AM.

-10 am flashback

“Shush Yoongi!” Leah berated him gently, “need I remind you how you looked after our almost break-up?”

“Hey! I thought we promised never to bring that up again!” Yoongi pouted the whole trip to the wedding venue for the final review of the plans. 

-end

You sit back in the chair, your head facing away from the floor-to-ceiling window of the wedding venue, wishing not for the first (or even second) time that things had gone down differently last night. Sorting through all of your feelings is a lot harder than you thought it would be. Especially with your brother’s looming nuptials while seated in a decorated wedding hall. 

“I’m not moping, jackass.” You pick at non-existent lint on the sleeve of your hoodie before tilting your head back and allowing the hood to fall off. “I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

“We’re almost done. Leah is just dropping off the last of the checks for the vendors, and we are running through the ‘Day-Of’ itinerary one last time with the planner. Then we can grab some lunch, and you can fill us in on the troubles running through that head of yours.”

“Sushi?” You make your eyes big and pout your bottom lip as you turn your head to look your brother in the face. He looks good; his hair is freshly done with an undercut cropped close to his head and the top layers falling in organized, chaotic layers. He has a healthy glow about him that screams ‘happy and in love’, that makes you feel wisps of green envy. His face breaks out into a smile, eyes disappearing in delight. 

“Of course, princess. Whatever you want, if it means you’ll be in a better mood.”

Hearing Yoongi call you ‘princess’ reminds you of Jungkook, and you turn away again, hiding your crestfallen look as Leah walks back into the room with the wedding planner. Yoongi leaves you to join his soon-to-be wife’s side, shaking hands with the wedding planner as they bid her goodbye and motion for you to meet them at the exit. 

Finally supplied with sustenance, you feel a little better as you chew and swallow the tempura-fried shrimp drizzled in spicy aioli sauce. Though that feeling dissipates a bit when Yoongi sets a deliberate gaze on you. 

“Spill it. I know you're moping about Jungkook, but what happened? Do I have to kill him?” he attempts to make you smile, but the joke falls flat with you today. 

“To be honest, it all happened really fast. One second we were good, really good. And then he just kind of shut down and called me a taxi and kicked me out at like 2 AM.”

“Wait, that dickhead kicked you out at 2 AM? I should fucking kill him! What if something had happened to you?” Yoongi’s ears are red and his eyes glint in anger. Leah reaches out a hand to soothe him as you speak quickly to do the same.

“Nothing happened to me. I’m a big girl, Yoongi. I’m pretty sure I said some hurtful things to him, and if the situation was reversed, I would’ve asked him to leave, too. If I had been a little more sober, I probably would’ve left on my own volition instead of getting into an argument.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Leah cuts in tentatively, “you do like Jungkook, right? Like not just as a friend?”

Your face says everything your mouth won’t as you shift in your seat. Leah nods knowingly, and Yoongi takes a deep breath. 

“Okay. You’ve already told Mom and Dad that you’re dating him or whatever, so what’s holding you back from taking that step with him if you like him so much?”

It takes everything in you to not cut your eyes at him. You see Leah cover her mouth; the mirth there doesn’t match the situation, but she can’t help but feel like her very smart and emotionally aware fiance is missing some important social factors. You don’t blame her for the smile, in fact, you welcome it, knowing full well that she gets it.

“What’s holding me back? Maybe that conversation with Mom earlier this week, where she nagged at me for being single and not giving her grandkids, and then when I told her I was seeing someone, she ridiculed Jungkook’s age? Or how about the fact that the stupid goth art teacher talked shit about how young Jungkook was?” You shake your head, defeated. “Everyone judges the relationship between me and Jungkook, before it’s even a relationship. So what happens when it is real?”

“What changed?” Leah’s brows are furrowed, and you can see her mind sorting through the information you’ve given, or lack thereof. “Something must have happened to make what you had going no longer work for either of you, right?”

You decide to trust them both and tell the truth of what happened.

“So after we left the club, we went back to his place since it was late. Taehyung, Jimin, and Hoseok are now fully aware that there’s something between me and Jungkook because he wasn’t exactly subtle. To be fair, I didn’t stop him either, so I guess if I’m being honest, we weren’t exactly subtle. We get back to his place, and it’s business as usual.” Yoongi grimaces as he reaches for his whiskey, downing the entire thing as you skim most of the sex, though a memory surfaces as you let the night replay in your mind. 

“Oh god!” You slap your hands to your face, covering your mouth. “I just remembered…I kind of let slip that I loved him while having sex,” you mumble into your hands, head dropping down in embarrassment. “And then right afterwards he’s receiving a ‘you up?’ text from SoHee—with a fucking topless picture!—and I just lost it. There was an argument, which I honestly can barely remember what was said. We were both so mad, you know?”

“Wow, no wonder you were mad. I’m guessing he didn’t say anything about your confession,” Leah questions, validating your feelings in a way that warms your heart. You definitely think you and your new sister-in-law (as of tomorrow) will get along great.

“No, he didn’t. And it’s not even that he has to say it back or anything, I didn’t say it for that reason, but the fact that we just had—”

“Please don’t say it again!” Yoongi interrupts.

“I wasn’t! Anyways, the fact that we just had such an intimate moment happen, and here comes SoHee texting Jungkook her perky tits asking if he’s awake? I know a booty call text when I see one.” 

“Wait, but you just said SoHee texted it to Jungkook, right?” Yoongi sits back, a quizzical look on his face. “So, he got a text from SoHee and you got jealous. But I’m gonna be that person right now and point out to you that technically, you and Jungkook aren’t together.”

“Yeah, thanks for stating the obvious,” you say with a roll of your eyes. “Anyways, we were in the bathroom,” you think back through the specifics. “His phone went off, and he set it down to dry my hair, and then it went off again. The message lit up his phone, so I saw the text from SoHee.”

“Sis, you know I love you, but I think you’re jumping to conclusions. It sounds like Jungkook was just the recipient of the messages, not necessarily the instigator. Guys can receive unsolicited tit pics just as much as women get dick pics. People just think all men are horny 24/7, but we also can feel uncomfortable in these situations. If we’re at work or start dating someone new, and an old flame sends us a ‘you up’ text or sends nudes? Not to mention, sometimes we just aren’t attracted to the people sending us stuff. It causes issues no one asked for.” 

Yoongi’s eyes show no malice as he speaks a truth you’re upset with yourself for not realizing in that drunken stupor, or even in the light of today. “Jungkook’s hot, you know? He could’ve just been the recipient of unsolicited nudes. He might actually get quite a few that he ignores, because that man is high-key in love with you.” 

“Honestly, I’ve seen you and Jungkook together, and I agree. Who cares what other people think, especially the ones who don’t know either of you well enough and shouldn’t matter enough to sway your happiness with each other.” Leah looks at Yoongi, and he takes her hand gently. “This wedding tomorrow will not be my first one, but it’s the one that matters the most to me. Your brother loves me on a level that I never knew was possible, thanks to my ex, and though our age gap isn’t as big as yours with Jungkook, I’m still older than him. Both of these are things your mom took issue with, but you know your brother.” She looks over to him with a fondness you understand. It’s how you look at Jungkook. “The only thing that matters is what you and Jungkook want. I know it’s not easy, but it’s infinitely worth it.”

By the time Jungkook finishes a sponge-bath and documents the care Min-Ji received during this time, he realizes it’s past the typical lunch time and that the husband has yet to eat. The three children he mentioned live on the other side of the country, but are traveling now to be with their parents. He had hoped they would arrive earlier with the promised food Mr. Kim is waiting for, but Jungkook insists he get something to hold the man over for the time being. He reminds him of which buttons to press to contact the phone in Jungkook’s pocket, then heads to the canteen.

The employees share the cafeteria area with the visiting families of patients, and it is bustling quite a bit as Jungkook exits the elevators straight into the lobby of the cafe. To the left, the room extends into a seating area once past the cashier lines, and Jungkook sees the moment SoHee spots him through the crowd. 

He’s tired of hiding from people—tired of hiding from his feelings, really—so he decides not to run away this time. If SoHee decides to talk about the messages she sent last night, he will address it and let her down easily. They’re still friends, in Jungkook’s mind, so he smiles at her as she approaches him, soft pink scrubs swishing lightly from her quick steps.

“I am so excited about the wedding tomorrow!”

Jungkook can tell; her smile is glowing. Once upon a time, he might’ve been enthralled by it, it’s still a beautiful smile, and it sucks to know that he might be the reason it fades in a few moments.

“Yeah, me too. I actually wanted to talk to you about it.”

“Yes, that’s why I came over here, in fact, so we could finish coordinating and—”

“SoHee, wait.” Jungkook knows he’s being rude, cutting her off, but the longer she stands there, grinning up at him like that, the more his chest feels tight. “I can’t be your date for the wedding.”

As he predicted, the rosy apples of SoHee’s cheeks lower along with her smile as she processes his words.

“I don’t think I understand?” She's polite as she speaks, head quirked to the side as if showcasing her confusion, but Jungkook is no fool to the glint of a woman’s eye as she braces for battle. 

“I know that it took me a lot longer than I promised to get back to you about this, but I’ve only just figured things out myself, and I just don’t want to string you along.”

“What have you been doing then, if not stringing me along?” SoHee crosses her arms across her chest, stance shifting to one of defensiveness. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, Jungkook, but from my point of view, it kind of seems like you’ve been doing exactly what you claim you don’t want to do.”

Jungkook sighs, restraining himself from rolling his eyes at her words and tone. He can’t help but feel that SoHee is being a bit dramatic—it’s not like he was the one who started all this wedding date talk, and he never even agreed to be her date! He did put off turning her down, but she’s the one who texted him to say he didn’t need to feel obligated to take her. And then she sends nudes and a booty-call text message at the worst possible moment last night and wants to get mad at him?

“Look, SoHee, I know that you probably feel like I’m the bad guy in this, but—”

“You’re an asshole, Jungkook.” SoHee’s voice carries a little too well, and other nurses standing nearby tune into the conversation. He really hates public confrontation like this, especially when he didn’t do anything wrong, and yet, here he is dealing with this bullshit.

Jungkook doesn’t mean the words he says in the way that they come out, but he feels cornered. “What do you want me to say, SoHee? ‘I’m sorry that I like somebody else’? Or possibly, I’m sorry that you sending me nudes I never asked for at 2 AM fucked up my relationship?” He probably could’ve said it with a little less attitude, probably should’ve held back from the second example, especially when he sees the way SoHee’s eyes begin to fill with tears as she looks at all of the gawking bystanders. One of the other nurses walks over and places an arm around SoHee’s shoulder, glaring daggers at Jungkook as if willing him to keel over on the glossy linoleum. 

“You really are an asshole, Jeon. Why would you say that to someone, in front of a crowd? You have no tact.” 

Jungkook is about to fire back at the other woman, but a hand on his shoulder reigns him back in despite his blood continuing to boil.

“Janice, why don’t you escort SoHee to the employee lounge for a bit? I’ll have a chat with Jungkook here.”

Frozen eyes sending a final chilling glare, the women disappear as Jungkook finally moves through the cafe line to the cashier, Jin following quietly. He continues to shadow Jungkook as he makes his way back to the palliative care and hospice unit to deliver the food. As he rounds the doorway, he sees that the patient’s adult children have arrived, a few grandchildren as well. 

To his surprise, Min-Ji is awake, but this only makes him worry about what’s to come. He sets the food to the side, greeting the members of Min-Ji’s family as he does a quick check of Min-Ji’s breathing. The pattern appears abnormal—though normal for someone approaching the end of life. He’s glad her family made it in time to see her; he knows that before the day is out, possibly even before his shift ends, she’ll quietly cross the veil.

Jungkook slips back out of the room to give the family some privacy, and to meet with Jin, who he knows is waiting for him. The two men walk to a nearby empty nurses’ desk, and Jungkook waits expectantly for Jin to speak. 

“Well, that went swimmingly.”

“All thanks to you, my friend,” Jungkook responds snidely, “not only is SoHee mad at me, I’m also not talking to You-Know-Who right now because of a pretty serious fight we had last night.”

“Calm down, she’s not Voldemort,” Seokjin snorts out. “But you two fought about something serious?”

“Yeah…She was at my place last night and saw a series of messages from SoHee that included a nude. She kind of went spastic on me, accusing me of requesting the nudes from SoHee after having sex with her because I’m ‘too young’ to behave any differently. I honestly was so angry, I called her a taxi and sent her home.” 

Seokjin blinks at Jungkook dumbfoundedly before speaking. “Maybe if you’d already told our dear friend you’re banging his sister, and then told her that you want to date her, none of this would have even been able to happen.”

“This advice would’ve been better than encouraging SoHee’s imagination,” Jungkook grumbles out, though his voice takes a softer tone when he says your name as he continues, “if she had wanted to date her brother’s youngest friend, I think she would’ve said something by now.”  The condescension towards the age gap is laced through every word. Seokjin ponders his words before speaking his point of view.

“You know, I think that maybe the two of you put too much weight on this age gap. Even now, you’re taking on this submissive role, waiting for her to tell you or make the first move. But let me tell you a little something about women. No matter their age, they want someone who isn’t afraid to want them back. And you, my friend, are shaking in your scrubs.”  

“I’m not scared,” Jungkook instantly defends, but even he can hear the lie whistle through his teeth.

“Then why are you waiting for her to make all the decisions? Why haven’t you had an adult conversation, sat her down, and told her what you wanted for a change?”

“Because I—” Jungkook pauses, unsure of how to answer. In all realness, he is scared. He enjoys what the two of you have going on, and he worries that if he speaks up for what he wants, if he asks you to change the friends-with-benefits status to something real…being incinerated by the sun after being lit on fire by jet engine fuel would hurt less than the hypothetical rejection he fears. 

Seokjin just gives him a knowing look, his eyes soft with empathy for his younger friend's dilemma. “Just talk to her. Show her you want her, and not just in a friends-with-benefits way.” He once again gives Jungkook that knowing look. “Tomorrow is the perfect opportunity to clear the air. Everyone loves a good wedding.”

“Except SoHee is also going to be there.”

Seokjin curses lowly under his breath and is about to say more when Jungkook’s phone begins to emit a shrill tone for attention. The two men silently make their way back to Min-Ji’s room, knowing that if the phone is ringing, it’s not for any good reason.

It’s been a long day full of revelations. The long talk with your brother and his soon-to-be wife has left you feeling drained and empty. Sitting on your couch, you open up the app to order food from your favorite takeout place barely a block away. Carelessly, you reorder the last meal you placed before slumping backwards into the plush cushions. 

Now that you’ve ordered, you really wish you had chosen delivery, like the lazy ass you want to be, but it’s not that far from your place. You close your eyes for what feels like a moment, but an alert jerks you out of the light slumber you’d slipped into. Your food is ready to be picked up. Sighing, you rock back then forward to lift yourself from the sunken spot on your comfortable couch and shrug on Jungkook’s hoodie for the trek. 

The weather teases a light rainfall, the petrichor scent enveloping you as you quicken your steps through the glass door of the establishment. Approaching the counter, the cashier recognizes you and pulls your order—two plastic bags with a brown paper bag inside each full of steaming hot food.

Checking the receipt stapled to the first bag, you see that you’ve accidentally ordered twice as much food; your last placed order was a meal for two, and the extra food? Jungkook’s favorite dishes from here. With resignation, you grab both bags, attempting to balance them on each forearm and use your foot to push open the door, but the door swings open as a man with an umbrella steps through. 

Jungkook says your name as if it's a curse and a prayer, sidestepping back onto the sidewalk to hold the door for you to exit. You thank him, fully intending to keep walking past him, but he follows you instinctively. 

“Let me help,” he says, his hand reaching out to grab one of the bags, and like muscle memory, you allow it, both of you walking in tandem until you reach your place. Unlocking the front door, he follows you in if only to set down the bag, but you stop him with a hand to his wrist before he can leave. 

“I, uh, accidentally ordered your favorites when I rushed my last reorder. You can have it, if you want. I can’t eat all of this.”

Jungkook just shrugs, and you finally notice how he looks. It’s not good—well, he always looks good; he can pull off anything. It’s more so that he doesn’t look well; his face is pale, eyes listless and devoid of any joy, parts of his face a bright red from being picked at. It’s one of his habits you’re well aware of, like when he bites his nails when nervous. Reaching into the bag, you lift out the container and pass it to him along with napkins and utensils. Taking the food from you, he steps into your living room, plopping down onto your couch as if muscle memory has taken over, he takes off the lid and begins the motions of eating the meal.

Your own thoughts are racing, unsure of what to do or say, so you just say nothing, instead pouring two glasses of water and delivering them to the coffee table before going back for your food. You end up sitting on the smaller couch, the corner closest to where he sits on the larger couch. The room fills with the sounds of you eating, an awkwardness that never used to be there lingering in the air. Your eyes flit from your food to Jungkook’s slow movements, so after you swallow your most recent bite, you take a sip of water before speaking.

“Is everything okay, Jungkook?” The urge to call him ‘baby’—to cuddle him to you and comfort him—is strong, but you resist.

His hand moves the food around a bit, and you watch him as he gathers himself to reply. It feels like hours, but he finally looks at you. “Yeah, I just had a really hard case today. It was a hospice patient, and I spent most of the day with her husband. Well, second husband—but the love of her life, I’m sure.” 

“Oh,” you don’t know what to say; you’re not really sure what made the case so hard, so you wait for Jungkook to elaborate.

“They, uh, knew each other for a long time, since they were kids, you know? But he was the younger brother of her best friend, and she married someone else before he worked up the courage to pursue her. He ended up married to one of her friends instead, but she left him. He said his first wife knew that no one could compete with the girl he actually loved. So when the first husband died in the Gwangju Uprising, leaving her a single mom with a small baby, he stepped in to provide them with a place to live and just help out, but they ended up together eventually and they have a big family.” Jungkook’s eyes look back at his food, a bit teary. “I met their kids and grandkids. They arrived right before she—” he clears his throat, but a small tear sneaks down his cheek.

You reach out for him, pulling the food from his hands and placing it on the table. You scoot closer to him, taking his hands into yours as he looks down at where the two of you connect. He sniffles, trying to stabilize his voice before he continues with his story.

“They arrived right before she passed. She’d been asleep the whole time I was there with her husband, but once everyone arrived, she woke up and was talking to them all, told them she loved them one last time, and then she just…slipped away. I don’t think I can ever forget the sound her husband made as he cried.”

“Oh, Jungkook…” unable to bear it, you join him on the same couch, holding him close to you as he cries. Your own eyes are wet; something about this couple’s story resonates with you after everything that you’ve experienced today.

“I can’t imagine going through that,” Jungkook says with a wobbly voice. “Losing the person that you love the most in the world? I mean, he almost avoided having to go through this, she married someone else! And the chance comes around for him to be with her and he takes it, but the way he cried when he lost her…I’m not sure it’s worth it in the end.” 

His words cut like a knife to your heart. You want to remind him of the good that he told in the story, how the couple had a large family, how the wife was surrounded by the evidence of their love when she died. How the man taking that second chance meant a single mom and her baby had a better life—that anguish he felt when he lost her was because they shared a love like no other. To you, it’s always worth it. 

Instead of saying what you want to say, you ask him what he needs. And those beautiful teary eyes look up at you and he whispers one word; “You,” and you’re unable to say no to him. Not when his lips meet yours with a desperation that you can’t begin to decipher, not when his hands pull you closer, and he clings to you like a lifeline, and definitely not when he sighs out your name against your lips, as if the simple utterance fills him with solace and relief of all that ails him.

His strong hands relieve you of your clothing as his lips remain fervently attached to yours. You relish in the feel of him as your naked form meets his own body, skin to skin, while he lays you back onto the couch. His kiss leaves you dazed; you have no idea how long it took for you both to end up naked, and by the time the question is flying through your mind, Jungkook is already nestled between your thighs, his cock hard and throbbing pressed against your lower stomach and your ankles crossed at his lower back.

When he pulls away slightly—reaching to line himself up with your slick opening—you bite his bottom lip where it was resting against your own, and the sensation causes him to surge his hips forward, fucking himself deep inside you. The intrusion is orgasmic, stretching you to a fullness you only experience when he doesn’t take time to prep you. Jungkook is needy, fraught with a raw emotion he can’t yet put words to, but his body can.

With each stroke, he finds comfort, the grip of your walls building the friction to a pleasurable high that he wants to drown in. Is there anything better to ease his mind than to be buried inside of you? He knows you're close, can feel the way you quicken—hurtling towards climax as you dig your nails into his back and cry out his name. Your body wrapped around him brings him a level of peacefulness that allows his mind to empty and his heavy cock to release thick spurts of cum until you're full and leaking around his softening member. 

You lay underneath him, holding him close as his chest rises and falls, and he peppers kisses along your shoulder. His movements are slow and you can feel the effects of the day taking over and pulling him into sleep. He slides his body so that the two of you are back to front, him curling around you as the big spoon. He grasps the blanket you keep across the top of the couch and attempts to cover you both, but you take over for him. 

He drops his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his chest as he kisses the back of your head once more. 

“I’m sorry, Princess,” he mutters before he’s softly snoring, and you lay there in his embrace, contemplating what his apology could be for. 

Was he apologizing for sending you home last night? For that thumbs up he sent that ruined your day? Because he feels bad that he only made you cum once after using your body to make himself feel better?  It’s only when you’re about to drift off that you remember his words about his patient, and your mind wonders if his apology is telling you sorry because he can’t give you what you want the most. Himself.

stay tuned for “i’ll be loving you right, seven days a week” coming 9-?-2023!

↣all rights reserved © hisunshiine 2023. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed.

#bangtansorciere #bangtanbathhouse #clubzerooclock #bangtanwhq #thebtswritersclub #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook au #jungkook writings #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfiction #bts imagines #bts #bts reactions #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts scenarios #bts x reader #bts smut #bts au #bts angst #bts fluff #hisunshiine writings #seven days series

[tallymonster]

Memories of Us Chapter 16

AO3 Link || Masterlist

Tags: @justporo @satanicspinosaurus @sleepy-timaeus @davenswitcher @wayward-hel @hereliesblackdragon @misscrissfemmefatale

Slowly getting my updates out lol sorry for the shitty upload schedule. Blame my depression 😘

Thanks as always to @cheesy-cryptid for blessing me with their permission to use their art as the launching pad to this fic that has helped me deal with my grief. Also to my besties @micropoe10 and @tragedybunny for indulging me and for being my main support system when the sadness takes my mind over. I owe you guys my life. 🫂❤️

Anyway, enjoy!

In the evening, Astarion takes his leave. They part with a kiss as he departs in the cloak of growing darkness. Octavia sits alone in her house, the dull cracking of the firewood soothed the ache she felt. She meant to tell Astarion her secret, but he instead surprised her with one of his own.

Octavia could have never imagined the dinner with Astarion ending in an even more complicated situation. As she takes it all in, she notices the mess around her.

The wine bottles and glasses are still on the table, there are cushions upturned on the floor, and her underwear is still on the armrest. She takes a second to chuckle at the entirety of these last two days. How quickly the tables had turned.

Octavia begins to collect the confetti of garbage around her when she hears a knock at her door. “Oh shit, please don't tell me he came back for something.” she groans. Tying her hair back, she exhales and swings the door open. She's surprised to see Gale of all people, in front of her with a bag.

“Good evening! By the look on your face, I gather you forgot about you asking me to come over a couple of days ago? Maybe you even forgot about the whole ‘showing me the journal you were bequeathed by your mother and revealing more of your past to me’ that you mentioned?” Gale finishes with a smile.

After a few rapid blinks from Octavia, he holds up the bag and says “I brought booze?” Octavia smiles and opens the door wider, allowing him to pass her. “Come on in friend, you and I happen to have a few interesting things to talk about.”

Gale steps through and sees the small disaster area that she calls a living room. He grimaces and turns to her, “This is not what I remember it looking like in here? Are your living quarters usually this disheveled??”

Octavia scoffs and feigns offense. She picks up one of the cushions near the coffee table and throws it towards Gale, missing him. “Damn it!” she laughs, playfully stomping on the ground. “I was hoping I smacked you so I could tell Astarion! He would never let you live that down.”

Gale pours himself a drink, “Haha yes laugh it up at my expense, but when I do things like this-” He snaps his finger and within seconds Octavia’s living room is perfect. “You would be a right mess without me. Admit it.” Gale smirks with a playful laugh, he was right, though.

Octavia grabs Gale’s glass and drinks it, “You wizards and your magic cleaning spells. Show off, probably don't even know how to clean your dishes properly.” He stares at her with a challenging look, he lifts up his hand and places his thumb and forefinger together.

“Please, if you want to antagonize me, I could revert it to your previous standards?” Gale’s eyes turn mischievous, he glances at her waiting for a reaction.

“You wouldn't dare, then I can't show you the book that you wanted to see.” Octavia says teasing his need for knowledge. Gale opens his mouth to say something, but does a double take when he notices Octavia’s bra peeking out of the corner of the couch.

Gale lets out a scandalized laugh, his head thrown back along with his eyebrows. “Wow, with the way your undergarments are stuffed in the cushions, you’d think you had sex with Astarion!” He reaches down and grabs the piece of forgotten clothing and holds it out like a freshly caught fish. “Gods, you couldn't even bother to grab this? If I could have seen it, my spell would have picked it up for you, oh well.”

Octavia snatches her bra back and throws it towards her bathroom. Her face fully flushed, she ignored Gale’s question and walked towards her bookshelf. “Oh GODS! You did, didn't you, Octavia?” Gale followed behind her, dropping the bag softly at the end of the coffee table.

“Octavia, talk to me… what happened between you two?” Gale asks with a softer, yet suspicious tone. Octavia continues to look through her bookshelf picking out a brown, worn leather bound book. She turns back to Gale and sighs.

“Gale…” she starts and grimaces. “Octavia…” he answers. The two of them stay locked in a stare, neither one wanting to crack, until Octavia begins to giggle. Her cheeks flush and her eyes remain closed. She places the book on her forehead shielding her face from Gale.

“Took you long enough. I was wondering if it would happen soon or if two would just keep pining away for another six months.” Gale laughs as he pulls the book away from Octavia’s grasp.

He turns to sit on the couch as Octavia grabs another bottle out of Gale’s bag. She joins him, sitting down calmly and says, “Do you have more in there? I have a lot to talk to you about, in particular…” Octavia opens the bottle and takes a long drink from it, exhaling loudly once she swallows the alcohol. “How long have you known about Astarion being a vampire?”

Gale's eyes widen in shock, he turns to Octavia, his face is completely blank aside from the giant frown on his lips. “WHAT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN?” Gale nervously looks around, gripping Octavia’s book tightly in his hands. His eyes darted back and forth trying to focus on something other than Octavia.

“Gale, please don't keep lying to me. Besides, Astarion already told me himself.” Octavia takes her time pouring the wine into the other empty glass on the table. There's so much she wants to know, but Gale isn't the person to ask. “Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were friends, I opened up to you about my family. The least-”

“Stop. Stop right there.” Gale holds up his hand, “That was not my story to tell you, Octavia. You know damn well I wouldn't dare cross any of Astarion’s boundaries. This was something he explicitly told me not to tell you.”

Gale places the book down, giving Octavia the look a disappointed parent gives their delinquent teen.

“Why do you insist on testing boundaries? I get that you feel lied to, but I can't risk my friendship with him for you. He and I have an understanding that I have never had with anyone else. I can't really explain it, but it feels like he and I have been friends in another life. Who knows?” Gale shrugs, and leans back. “Anyway, I'm happy you two are doing well. Next time please grab your underwear before I come over?”

Octavia is quiet, she looks down at the book on the table, she picks it up along with the glass of wine. She hands the book to Gale and takes a sip of her drink. Gale’s eyes linger on Octavia’s wrist before she remembers the two puncture wounds on it. She retracts her hand and covers it up under the knitted cardigan she wore.

She could feel her face flush, how the hell would she be able to explain that away?

“You know what, I’m not even going to ask nor do I care. What you and Astarion do when you two are alone is entirely NONE of my business.” There was a brief pause, Octavia was about to say something before Gale cut her off. “How did it feel though? When he bit you?”

Octavia smirked and shot him a playful look, Gale swallowed and laughed, “You can't blame me, I'm a lover of knowledge, and well….can't say I haven't been a little curious…not many people remember what happened to the vampires in the Underdark. By the change in your expression I'm guessing you don't either?”

Octavia shakes her head, she heard stories from her family about the runaway spawn that were freed when her great grandmother was out on her adventure. Their plight at the hands of that evil bastard Cazador. The way they looked at her with hunger and fear. “I only know a little from stories my grandmother told me, what do you know?”

Gale looks at her with a forlorn stare, he bites his lips and his brows knit in a sorrowful expression. “Those people, the thousands of victims of such cruelty, a lot of them died when they were on their trek to the Underdark. Astarion has told me stories from when he would visit them. He has friends, family, people he knew who didn't make it. You and I were lucky and fortunate enough to have parents, a home, friends, the luxury of a life well lived. He doesn't. At least not one he remembers fondly.”

Octavia is shocked at what Gale tells her, she had no idea the type of horrific events that would have led Astarion to where he is now. “Gods…” she breathes out, her heart aching at the images being conjured in her mind.

“Please believe me when I tell you that I've been pushing him to try to open up to you and trust you. He’s not the type of person to put it all out there immediately.” Gale places his hand on Octavia’s shoulder, “Give him time to feel comfortable and you will get your answers. Now please, can I read this incredibly interesting journal you told me about??”

Octavia laughs softly, she leans over, grabs the book on the table a hands it to Gale. She sighs and takes a drink. Her mind is still buzzing, she can't think about those things and place Astarion in the middle of it. He's such a guarded person and now it was all making sense.

Gale leafs through the journal carefully, stopping and throwing his head back a little. His eyes flit back and forth for a few moments before he glances back at Octavia.

“Quote ‘Gale is nice enough, but he talks way too much. He and I shared a moment in the Weave earlier tonight. I felt this wonderful power flowing throughout my body . Like I was being held in a blanket of pure magic and ecstasy. My mind couldn't help imagine Gale kissing me. I mean he is pretty good looking, not gonna lie, he has these beautiful brown eyes that just seem to burn with his emotions….it's just…I don't really see myself with him…not when there's others who are capturing my attention much more ardently.’”

Octavia and Gale sat in an awkward silence for a few moments before the both of them broke out in a fit of laughter. The irony of Gale hitting on her at the night of the fundraiser coming back to them. “Guess it runs in the family then?” Octavia manages to say in the middle of her giggles, she wipes a tear at the corner of her eye and presses her hand to her cheek.

“That's so embarrassing, I'm so embarrassed for my great grandfather. What do they call that? Secondhand embassment?? Oh gods, have I apologized enough for that? I'm so sorry, I was so drunk.” Gale laughs and flips through the pages some more. He takes a drink and points out another passage.

He pushed the book onto Octavia’s hands, pointing to the paragraph in the middle of the page. Octavia begins to read it as Gale adjusted his reading glasses. “ Tonight, I had a little run in with the newest member of our little group. Turns out he's a vampire!” Octavia almost drops the book in her hands as Gale stares at her.

“Oh my GODS , no one ever mentioned a VAMPIRE in the party? Do you think Astarion knows who it is?? Do you think it could be someone connected to Cazador? I can't believe this..” Octavia’s hands tremble slightly as she looks down at the page.

“Octavia, there's no way he wouldn't know who it was, we could-” Gale begins to speak excitedly, but is cut off by Octavia who curtly responds, “No. We can't open up that old wound. You literally just gave me a whole lecture about respecting his boundaries, it seems very hypocritical of us to go prying into things when all we have is speculation.”

Gale nods and takes the book from her hands again. He flips for a minute until he lands on another passage mentioning the vampire in the group. “Here's another one..’ Tonight he seemed more distant…I figured that he was hungry again, but he didn't want to feed on my blood like the last couple of nights. Maybe I'll see what’s going on when he comes back.

I truly think there's something else going on with him, there's no way he can survive on the little he's been eating lately. Even with the abundant livestock and wild animals around. It seems that after Moonrise he's been pulling away from me more.

I thought it was just the whole thing with that creepy Drow lady or just being in the Shadow-cursed Lands messing with his head but…

I just don't know what to say or do anymore, we have to find out what this all means for him. I love him too much to let him down. We can figure this out together, I know we can.’ Huh, seems Tav was letting this vampire feed on her blood? Sounds like a terrible idea.” Gale passes the book back to Octavia, she places it on her lap and lets her mind wander.

She plays with the edge of the cover, letting the texture of the old leather ground her some. She starts to scratch at the corner with her nail, flicking the material until she feels it crack. Octavia gasps and stares down at the book.

“Octavia? What's wrong? Something else in there?” Gale looks back at her with concern. Octavia holds the book up as the cover separates from the corner. She glances back at Gale who throws his hands up in the air. They both stare at the book before Octavia rips the old leather cover off.

Gale gasps as if someone just slapped his mother, he clasps both hands on his mouth and shoots up on the couch. “What have you done?? That's a piece of history! We could have put that in the museum! I cannot believe you just destroyed-”

Octavia shoots him an annoyed look “Gale, I can destroy as many of my family heirlooms as I want. If you want to scold me on the historical integrity, you can do so after we solve this mystery. Now shut up and look at this!!”

She places the cover face up on the table, the crackled leather has evidence of I'm being tampered with previously. She placed the book cloth lined shell next to it and stared at the symbols and notes drawn all over both pieces.

‘eyes like knives that cut deep from within me. they sunk into me and never let me go. You must find out. I know that if you figured this out, you can find him and put this longing I've had to rest.’

Gale and Octavia stare at each other. In trying to solve one mystery it seems like they've uncovered possibly two more? From trying to find the subject in the paintings, the log book Astarion gave to Octavia, and now this secret that was hidden deep within the roots of Octavia’s family tree.

Octavia grabs her wine glass and throws back the rest of the liquid, swallowing with a hiss. Gale was preoccupied with the book cloth shell, he had his hands clasped together with two fingers sticking up in front of his lips. He had a look of quiet contemplation, serious and determined.

Gale hums and sighs, he sucks his teeth and leans back. “Something fucky is going on with this book…give me a little room.”

Suddenly he lifts both hands, placing them parallel to the table surface. He takes a few deep breaths, closes his eyes, and speaks words in a language Octavia has never heard before.

As he speaks, a faint lilac light surrounds the book and cover. The light begins to glow and pulse as Gale continues to speak. Octavia has no idea what the fuck is even happening but she's too stunned to speak. She watches as some faint words begin to rise up from the paper and cloth.

Gale finishes the spell and exhales shakily, he rolls his shoulders and places his hands down. He opens his eyes and looks at Octavia. She notices little bits of energy crackling along the tips of his hair. He shakes his head and she watches as the sparkles fly off and land in various places along her living room. “Sorry, I still haven't gotten the hang of controlling the energy blasts.”

Gale and Octavia laugh as he blows a little spark off the tip of his nose. He blinks rapidly and smiles at her bashfully. “Let's see what we uncovered, eh?” Octavia nods and turns to look back at the book.

On the spine of the book there were some glyphs drawn, Gale carefully picks up the book and inspects them. His brows shoot up in surprise, he looks at Octavia, his eyes wide as the plates in Octavia’s kitchen.

He turns to look at her, his expression completely astounded. “You have to see this.” He hands her the book as she looks at the cover. Along the spine she sees a string of words written in quick succession.

In this book, I have hidden my truth.

The words are there for you to find him.

I need to know what happened.

My star, my heart.

I await you in death.

However long it takes.

#bg3 #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion ancunin #bg3 astarion #astarion bg3 #fic: memories of us #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #bg3 hc #bg3 head canon

[samptlay]

To My Sweetheart Who Carries A Wounded Heart Ch. 7

A/N: Hi, so I've recovered almost completely though I'm still a bit congested and my bodies weaker. I will say that updates will be slower from now on, my apologies. It's hard to keep up with studies as well as this. I think I was pushing myself too hard as well since I was uploading 2-3 times a week in the first place which wasn’t giving me time to do the rest of my studies. Sorry for the inconvenience and being gone (not uploading work) for almost a month 😭. But I’m back so enjoy~!

~

Series Masterlist, Chapter 1 🤍, Chapter 2 🖤, Chapter 3 🤍, Chapter 4🖤, Chapter 5🤍, Chapter 6🖤

Automatic Taglist: @msun1c0rn @anime1fan2 @skyl8ver, @umi-adxhira, @lovingnahida @immahuman @faellell @uhfhfhfhf @ssecylia @strrawb3rrysh0rtcak3

Just ask if you'd like to be added as well.

You had lots of time to think while steaming hot droplets of water repeatedly hit your skin. There was a lot to process, a lot to move on from yet it hadn't even been 24 hours. Using your sponge after pouring soup on it, a lavender scent fills your senses. 

You knew that no matter what occurred, this one thing could never be taken away from you as your comforting favorite flower. The fact won't change, unlike the rest of the world that moves on day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Ah, how long had you been scrubbing your arm alone? It stings, but you bask in it. It's the only feeling that's made you feel so human in the last few hours, though the skin would be at least a little flush because of this. You finished with the rest of your body already and you can feel the water getting colder, were you really in here for that long?

Watching your hand rise to turn off the shower felt like slow motion, which you hated. You don't remember ever being slow in anything that you did. But alas, things change, don't they?

You went through all the motions of drying, putting on lotion, and so on. You didn't feel like blow-drying your hair, so after using a separate towel and stepping into your bedroom, it was still damp. The hair dryer would be too noisy.

Since when did you care about trivial things such as sound?

Walking into your closet, you contemplated on wearing all black today. For the loss? To show your grief? To let people know that you were not okay? It's not necessary, if anything you're practically asking for attention when you don't even want company.

Okay, that's a lie. Right now you'd love to have the comfort of another human being. But wearing black shows that you care, no? Cared for your child, one who you never knew the gender of, one who you never even got a proper ultrasound of, one who you'll never be able to hold.

At that moment, you feel something cold running down your cheek, it feels a bit ticklish as well.

You're crying again.

Sometimes you don't understand the human body. Though your face remains neutral as you choose your outfit for the day, the tears don't stop. You predict it'll at least take a minute before your heart can calm down. However, you go to your bathroom and open your drawer full of accessories until you find a black ribbon. 

It’s a change since you don't usually hold your hair, but you love how the wind blows through it since it makes you feel calm. But today you wanted to wear at least something that represents your love, and what better than a pretty little bow?

You put your hair in a low ponytail with a few strands loose at the front. Looking at yourself in the mirror, your eyes were a little pink with bags underneath. It was a sight you would never let anyone see you in, one that would strip you of all your pride. So thank the Aeons for make-up.

Leaving your bedroom and walking out into the hallway, the house seemed oddly quiet. Sighing and picking up your feet, you make your way to the guest room and knock on the door.

“Baby…  Are you up? Would you want to make breakfast with me this morning?”

This is a hard time for both of you and what would be better than cooking together to bond in hard times? Sure you two had been going through a… “rough patch” for the last few months and you couldn’t say you were happy, but it’s just a phase and all couples go through this. 

After 10 seconds of silence, you assumed he was still asleep and knocked quietly once more before opening the door and making your way inside. But you stopped halfway through the doorway when you saw an empty bed, not even lying. Did he go out? He didn’t text you that he was leaving the apartment, and you felt uneasy.

How could he abandon you when you both needed to stick together during this?

No, he wouldn't do anything to make you feel worse.

He most likely just went out to run an errand.

The news was unexpected and the world continues.

It's not like we have to drop everything we're doing to grieve.

But then why didn't he tell you?

~

#hsr x reader #blade x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #fem reader #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #fanfic #slight angst #husbands #relationship problems #returning author

[boneskullravenriver]

Can I hear more about your analysis on the avatar characters? Your take on neytiri is fascinating

Well that depends on which one we're talking about. I'll talk about neytiri since you brought her up (and I assume this is based on my neytiri post)

I've been seeing a lot of people being a bit disgruntled over the deleted scene, that it gives people the excuse to demonize neytiri when I don't think that's the case. Sure, there's probably people out there using that as an excuse to demonize her, but in my eyes, I don't see it like that.

Up until now, the avatar franchise has been pretty straight forward. The humans are the bad guys, they're defeated by the human turned na'vi being the "chosen one" (which... Tbh has its own set of issues but yanno) but now in this movie, we have the possiblity for things to tip into the grey zone going forward. For both factions, obviously. The disturbing implications of having your memories uploaded into a foreign body bring up the question of whether or not you are still the person who's memories you hold. And the question of just how far one can be pushed before they break.

Neytiri just lost her first born son, her baby. She watched him grow and come into his own. Only for the same thing that stole away her youth to do the same thing to her own children. That is to say, the return of the humans. The fight scene in the sinking ship shows us that she absolutely wasn't thinking straight. Her movements and demeanor are aggressive and rash, there's one part where she glances around wildly almost as if looking for something else to kill. To vent her grief on. And we're shown how Spider hides from her. Because HE KNOWS if he were to get in her way, she would be out for his blood.

Spider knows, even if neytiri might not outright say it to his face, that she resents him. I disagreed heavily when I saw people saying "oh she pushed him behind her, see? She's just bluffing. She's trying to protect him" (this was months before the deleted stuff came out). Because I knew she wasn't thinking that. The only thing that stayed her hand was Jake and (in my opinion), Kiri.

Kiri loves spider. If Neytiri were to kill spider, Neytiri knows that something in her relationship with Kiri as a mother would fracture. And I think that that would have been the last straw for her. For her children to see her as a monster.

#twow #neytiri #neytiri te tskaha mo'at'ite #spider socorro #man i also have thoughts about the recoms. theyre so interesting #thank you for the ask #should i have a tag for this or...? yeah im gonna make a tag for asks just to filter it out if i need to #*.☽ .*boneskullRR*.☽ .*

[automeris-io-moth]

Fear

“Please Villain, please,” Hero pleaded, grabbing Villain’s jacket to lift themselves up.

So small, Hero looked so small in their arms, trembling and crying, clothes torn in some parts from the fight they escaped, nothing but rags left from their knees down, telling Villain far too clearly that they had crawled at least a portion of the way there.

With that, too, came the self-blame, the grief from a team they knew they had lost the moment Hero stepped outside the battlefield, and the mourn from having the image they had created for themselves slip right through their fingers.

Coward, and deserter, and murderer, even if not by their own hand, were what they could hear as their own two feet dragged them away. As panic settled deep inside their bones and an unexplained urge to flee rooted somewhere in their chest.

Hero didn’t know what was happening to them.

“Make it stop Villain, please,” they prayed, fists white from the pressure in their grip. “I can’t breathe, I can’t think, make it stop, I beg you.”

Villain’s hands were shaking, wet with the other’s tears as they crushed them away, as they moved their dirty hair from their face, hands as careful as they could be when Hero’s rushed to grab them, erratically, panicked, to plead with them in their hold.

Hero was not in their right mind, delirious they kept sobbing and shaking, and asking, demanding, for the other’s help, Villain, with their heart twisting inside their chest, burning tears sliding down their cheeks, could not.

They had promised Hero, but Hero could not remember.

“I’m scared, I’m so scared I don’t know what’s happening to me, please help me,” Hero screamed.

“I can’t Hero, I’m sorry,” Villain murmured, lifting Hero closer to their chest “It’okay, nothing’s happening to you, you reached me, you’re fine.”

“Then help me!” they wailed, trying to push themselves away from the other “Help me! Why won't you help me?! Are you enjoying this?!”

Villain swallowed.

"Why are you so cruel?" a last cry, lossing it's strength.

A lot of things were wrong, yet, priorities were clear, infection was quick to settle when dirt was, as it was, deep in the cuts and scratches, they needed to be cleaned, to be bandaged, Villain had to look for the rest, for the bleedings and the burns, but for that Hero needed to be a close semblance to calm.

Supervillian was ruthless when they fought.

Hero’s eyes grew unfocused, they grew cloudy as their begging subsided.

But they would not calm down, their suffering only quieted, but never eased off.

The sobbing became wimpers, but the panic in their dilated pupils remained.

“You know what to do,” a voice called from the other side of the threshold, the front door still wide open from when the Hero scrambled inside “look at them, don’t they look pathetic?”

“And who’s fault is that?” Villain seethed, not looking up to the familiar face approaching their way.

A gloved hand entered their field of view, settling softly against Hero’s cheek, making them frown, bringing back the loud uneasiness in soft weeps, Villain slapped it away.

“You can help them, Villain,” Supervillian said “you know Fear won’t subside on its own, not if I don’t allow it.”

Villain looked up to meet their gaze, brows furrowed and hands shaking in anger.

“And I won’t.” Supervillian added “It’s your choice at the end, you know what to do with your gifts.”

“My gifts?”

“Indeed, happy work anniversary, Villain,” they finished, standing up and brushing the dust off “Have a good night.”

Upset, Hero kept their hold tight to the other.

And Villain sighed.

With one softly placed over Hero’s head, and the other gripping their hand, Villain apologised and crossed the bridge the other had once prohibit.

Hero fell limp at the other’s entrance to their mind, crying quieting down, breathing evening out.

Fear was truly the cruellest ability to endure.

_

Masterlist

This is a re-upload because of a little problem Tumblr had with the tags, sorry :(

#villain x hero #my writing #creative writing #short story #hero x villain #writing wip #heroes and villains #hero #wips #writing snippet #scared hero #hero whumpee #villain caretaker #hurt hero #supervillain whumper #re upload

[thekingwhereitallends]

MitsuSara One Shot: Tsukuyomi x Amaterasu

Summary:Sarada crosses Mitsuki's path and aims to stop him from embracing darkness.

Main Pairing:Mitsuki x Sarada Uchiha

Genre:Fantasy,Sci-fi,Angst

*This is a fanfiction i finished and published on ao3 for valentine's day but since i doubt you clicked on the link to read the first chapter back then two months ago in christmas, i thought of uploading this banger here.

Don't be afraid of commenting. Likes and reblogs are appreciated.*

"The artwork is a christmas gift for me drawn by @scarletofspring . Do not steal/repost/use it without permission!*

Date:Nov.27th 2042

Primordial World

On the endless planet that exists in centre of the boundless creation, There is a boy praying for gods to lend him a power surpassed by no mortal, but those who know this boy are not certain if he is planning to be a savior or bringer of apocalypse. Mitsuki often wonders if he could really fight off the forces of darkness or not.

"Right on time." Mitsuki says an instant after finishing his prayer. Mitsuki looks back over his shouder to meet a person he cherishes more than any other. "I hoped it's Sumire who follows the traces and reaches me. But of course you will be the one who seeks me out."

"Mitsuki..." Sarada stands around 20 meters away from her friend, staring at her friend with crimson eyes that aim to penetrate the heart of the person in front of them in search of answers but fail miserably as the bearer of those eyes is hesitant.

"Been a while,Sarada." Mitsuki turns back. "I missed you dearly." Mitsuki wears a smile but Sarada can clearly feel the sadness that has shook her soulmate to the core.

Sarada wishes to pull Mitsuki in for a warm hug above all else, to weep bloody tears together with him and finally find solace in each other's arms. However, between Mitsuki and her there is an imperceptible barrier that prevents Sarada from reaching for Mitsuki.

Sarada can sense Mitsuki's dangerous thoughts but she knows Mitsuki will never lie to her.

"I felt a void with your absence for so long as well." Sarada looks away,but why?

"Once a person achives great chakra control, they are able to perform astonishing feats. For instance children will surpass adults, the shinobis will become highly resistant to genjutsu and the ninjas would last much longer than their peers with average chakra control. They can also do this..." Mitsuki snaps his fingers, Sarada finsa herself in a peaceful environment with Mitsuki. The seemingly endless dimension that constantly changes colors.

"The ability to enter Astral Plane. Over two thousand years ago, Hagoromo and Hamura Otsutsuki were became the very first individuals to learn perfect understanding on mechanism of chakra which allowed them to evolve in extremely short amounts of time. By the age of 18, they were already 7th dimensional entities with limitless potential who kept ascending until they transcended the boundless creation. They left immeasurable avatars of themselves in each universe, to teach ninshu to all societies. The people learnt to enter this plane and by spending time together, came to settle all the matters and that resulted in global peace in so many worlds. Many of those worlds are free from evil and corrupted, and many other abandoned their beliefs." Mitsuki continues.

Mitsuki approaches Sarada, touching her chest where the heart is located with his index finger. "I don't even need to touch you here if my wish is to reach your heart. I can read all your emotions like an open book if i will it. But let me ask you one thing..." Mitsuki takes Sarada's hand in her's and places it on his chest. "Are you brave enough to put aside all those fears and do what you must do?"

Sarada closes her eyes to concentrate. Mitsuki realizes Sarada is ready to embrace her true feeling therefore he makes it easier for Sarada to read his emotions.

'Sorrow,Grief,Regret,Despair,Relief...and Jealousy...' Sarada thinks, resting her forehead on Mitsuki's chest, shivering as she can feel Mitsuki's feelings to a great degree. "Why?"

"I'm not the only person whose memories had been lost." Mitsuki speaks,which takea Sarada by surprise. "Let me show you what you have forgotten." Mitsuki's right hand finds it's way up to Sarada's left arm, lifting Sarada's chin up with his left hand's forefinger. "There..." Mitsuki points at his right side.

"That's..." Sarada watches a little girl wearing white buttoned shirt, red tie, red skirt and black sandals approaching a healing chamber filled with water, in a room drowned in dim dark blue light. Inside the chamber, there is a naked boy. The girl covers her eyes.

"Why don't you have anything on?" The little girl with red glasses cries as she covers the slight blush on her face.

Sarada's expression turns into an annoyed one as he witnesses that particular scene, dropping her shoulder. "Did you bring me here to piss me off?" Sarada gives Mitsuki a side-eye, which is funny to Mitsuki who chuckles seeing Sarada like this. "Yeah,that was intentional. Showing me my embarassing younger self."

"Just keep watching." Mitsuki utters, patting Sarada on top of her head. Sarada turns her attention to the tiny version of herself.

The little Sarada lowers her hands to see the boy out of sheer curiosity. "Woah..." Little Sarada murmurs, mesmerized by the sight of Little Mitsuki inside the water tank. His pale skin shining, captivating Sarada. 'He reminds me of Sai-san with this snow white look of his. But that white hair...gosh, i wanna fondle with his silky white hair so bad.'

Sarada and Mitsuki each raise an eyebrow when looking at each other. Sarada frowns, Mitsuki smirks.

"Please don't tell me i wasn't the only one who heard those words?" Sarada frets, which has Mitsuki roll in the aisles. Sarada too cracks up the instant she sees Mitsuki being greatly amused

"I always wondered if someone ever liked to play with my hair. That's one of reasons why i let it grow this long because i surmised you would be attracted to me. It seems the old you would've loved to bury her face in my hair." Mitsuki bubbles as he gently punches Sarada on the arm.

"Come on,you look fine as heck!" Sarada insists. "Honestly, i was searching to find the shampoo you use but i could never find it. I bet it is especially made for you, right?" Sarada continues, pinching Mitsuki on arm as she is laughing.

"I asked my parent to make me a super nutrient shampoo with the sweetest scent and after a few days, they came up with the proper formula. That's the whole story." Mitsuki responds. "Now now, don't let all distract you."

"Right." Sarada said.

"What are you looking for,Sarada?" Sasuke says, jumpscaring his little daughter.

"Gah...you know i am unable to sense your presence and keep doing this over and over again." Little Sarada yells, pouting as she folds her arms.

Little Mitsuki opens his eyes, gaining Little Sarada's attention as a result. Staring at Sasuke with his amber eyes, Mitsuki's gaze is devoid of any positive emotion but also not showing any sign of negative thoughts. 'Sasuke...san...'

"It seems this kid could do what you fail to do." Sasuke teases his daughter.

"You mean he woke up because he could sense your aura?" Little Sarada asks her father.

"Yes." Sasuke responds.

"Is he Orochimaru-san's son?" Little Sarada asks her father as he lifts her from the ground to hold her in his arm.

"That's right." Sasuke answered.

"Why is he inside this water tank?"

"Isn't that obvious?"

"How long has he been inside there?"

"Ever since he was born. He can only stay outside of the healing chamber for less than a day and then spends the next couple of days inside it."

"That is awful."

"But it's good for his own sake."

"..."

Sasuke watches her daughter as she reaches for the glass to touch it. Little Mitsuki does the same, pressing his hand against the part of glass where Sarada's hand is touching it.

'What is your name?' Little Mitsuki thinks? interested in the girl who apparently does feel for him.

"When you were born,you too became sick. Your body couldn't handle the powerful chakra you inherited from me. Sakura and I decided to bring you to Orochimaru, who saved your life. You were here, inside the healing chamber. After four months, this boy was born therefore you had a company on your right." Sasuke tells her daughter what he remembers about Mitsuki's birth.

"And?" Sarada turns to Sasuke, with eager eyes waiting for Sasuke to finish his story.

"The kid carries a power matched by none of those in his generation...in your generation. It doesn't mean that you don't have the potential to reach his level, just that he's now a few steps ahead of you and your friends."

"But why has he inherited such absurd level of power?"

"Well,i'm not sure if i can answer this question. It's up to him to decide what to do with this unfathomable might of his. It could be a blessing for the people he comes to love and himself, or a curse that will only bring pain and suffering for everyone he knows. If you are lucky enough, he may end up befriending you."

"Hm..." Little Sarada starts to ponder.

"What do you think,Sarada?" Sasuke asks his daughter in a gentle tune.

'Sarada,huh?' Mitsuki thinks, grateful that he doesn't have to wait for a long time to find the girl's name and that he had learnt some speechreading in the past. 'Why do i care?' He was surprised at himself for being intrigurd after seeing the girl infront of him.

"I think i'd like to spend some time with him. He gives me the vibes of a cool boy. That's my first impression of him, mind you that no other boy seems like him to me."

'She thinks i am cool.' Mitsuki thinks, the words that just came out of Sarada's mouth relieves him.

"Don't you want to know his name?" Sasuke asks his daughter.

"You refused to reveal his indentity, how bold of you to ask me this question." Little Sarada replies, poking on Sasuke's forehead repeatedly which makes Sasuke chuckle. "No,thanks. I will ask the boy the next time i see him outside of the healing chamber. You keep in touch with Orochimaru-san, and then bring me here to see if the boy is as good as he seems or not."

"Fair enough." Sasuke responds. "Shall we leave?"

"Yeah." Little Sarada said as she wrapped her arms around her father's arms who started to walk away from Little Mitsuki's healing chamber. She waves hand at Mitsuki as she begins to carve the lonely boy's image into her mind. 'We will meet again,i promise.' Sarada thinks and the closes her eyes with a sad expression on her face.

"December 29th 2031. A couple of days later..." Mitsuki swings his sword and the thought vanishes to be replaced with another one.

"Ready?Fight!" Karin shouts, declaring the start of Mitsuki's and Sarada's sparing match against each other. The kids charg at each other, five hundred of times faster than speed of light.

Suigetsu is sitting in a corner chewing his fingernails, terrified of of what might happen to Sarada. 'If Mitsuki accidentally messes Sarada up, Sasuke will surely fuck Orochimaru up and we all may be fucked amidst that scary battle which looks more like a massacre to me now that i think of it...'

"Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk..." Karin is utterly disappointed to see Suigetsu in that condition until she figures what her husband may be thinking at that moment. 'Oh shit!' Karin freaks out.

Yoruza, Suigetsu's and Karin's red haired, pale skinned daughter with violet eyes is sitting close to her father, resting her chind on the palm of her hand. "Dad,get out of this drama king mood of your's and be the badass man you usually are."

Seina Shakudo; Orochimaru's red-haired of fair complexion with beautiful aquamarine eyes companion is standing on The Lord of Darkness' rightt side, drinking her her cup of tea. Not really amused by the sight of children fighting each other.

And then there is Jugo who finds all that is happening to be peak of entertainment. Birds taking seats on his shoulders, chilling with the peace-loving and kind-hearted beast. "You all better stop being so dense and enjoy these moments."

"I admire your spirit,Jugo. But as a mother who has not clue how this boy has been trained to fight, it's only natural for me to be perturbed." Sakura says.

"After the conversations i've had with my dear child, i deduced that someone has had an impact on his mindset. I'm afraid it will cost my son the inevitable victory. And i have no one to blame..." Orochimaru stops talking as they sees Little Sarada on top of Little Mitsuki "But Sasuke-kun." Sasuke's daughter punches Orochimaru's son in the face.

"OUCH!" Little Sarada lets out a groan. "What are you made of?!?"

"I...uh..." Little Mitsuki panicks as he sees his rival broke her hand and wrist because of him. "Sorry..."

"I told you that you all have a screw loose." Log yells at everyone else.

Sarada is left jawdropped agyrt seeing how her younger self was humiliated. "That was embarassing."

"Fastforward to the important part." Mitsuki says.

"It's okay. It was expected, you know. My mother healed my hand. Everything is fine now." Little Sarada telss Little Mitsuki as she putsbher hand on his shoulder.

"I promised your father i will never hurt you. That i will always protect you from anything that threatens your safety." Little Mitsuki says, his head buried between legs.

"Look,i don't plan on becoming a damsel in distress. I appreciate your concern but you don't have to feel guilty for what happened to me. I should've trained much harder and become stronger than everyone else, including you." Sarada asserts.

"Why?" Little Mitsuki asks

"Because my dream is to become the greatest hokage of all time, silly." Little Sarada said and booped Little Mitsuki's nose, the latter blinks after she did that to him.

"You sound incredibly passionate..." Little Mitsuki sighed.

"What's your dream?"

"Me?"

"Yes. You. Who else do you think is supposed to answer this question?"

"I don't have any dreams."

"Come on, don't be ridiculous. That life you're living is so boring if you have no purpose."

"I have been told that my birth was the will of gods. I guess you will have to be waiting till i find the answer you're eager to hear now."

"That's not what i wished for but i suppose it's still cool to know you too are going to have your own adventures. Why aren't you excited?"

"Perhaps the reason for that is i have yet to have a dream of my own.

"Oh...that...actually makes sense."

"Yeah..."

Little Sarada wrapped her arms around Little Mitsuki's arms and leaned onto his shoulder.

"I almost forgot... What is your name?"

"Mitsuki."

"I am Sarada."

"I know."

"I thought you were a cool guy."

"Did i disappoint you?

"Yes."

"Sorry."

"You may be even cooler than my papa."

"What?"

"I should be hating on you but i can't. I am angry at myself for that."

"Hmph..."

And then Mitsuki and Sarada come back to primordial world.

"Ada rewrote the history to alter my memories. Because of Kawaki, i was rubbed of so many precious memories but there was one constant in my life that didn't fade away:You." Mitsuki utters as he is unbuttoning his black and dark blue trenchcoat. "My brother made me think that Boruto is my sun. Boruto,son of Naruto Uzumaki who saved the shinobi world. Beacon of hope, child of prophecy, he has been given multiple aliases. Log thought that Boruto was the right person to guide me for he would never fall to darkness. Ada altered almost everyone's memories and in my mind, Kawaki was the person Boruto was supposed to be. Kawaki messed up, which made me question the nature of reality and i came to realize a subtle truth."

Mitsuki transports his trenchcoat into a dimension in which Mitsuki stored his weapons and tools using the summoning tag wrapped around his left wrist under the separate arm sleeves.

Showing off his shredded upper half, It's the first time to see Mitsuki with six tomoe marks on his chest. Mitsuki also wears a crescent moon necklace made of moonstone and silver that Sarada gifted him on his 13th birthday.

"The bond Boruto and I formed was never as strong as i believed it was. He was indeed a bright child who encouraged me at times and i considered him a dear friend of mine's, but he was living in his own world. He often didn't exist in my life. Boruto was never the sun to my moon because i never really idolized him, always made sure he learnt from his mistakes." Mitsuki asserts.

"But there you were. Perhaps i was drawn to you because of the genes i inherited from my parent Orochimaru who was always obsessed with Uchiha. But ever since we met and were put in the same team, i looked up to you and unconsciously followed your footsteps. You were the one who was guiding me all along. You were there for me when nobody else was. You loved to hang out with me not just to know me better but also to help me become independent. You wanted to be by my side because you found peace when we were together. Think about it..." Mitsuki continues.

Sarada shut her eyes, trying to make a sense out of all that came out of Mitsuki's words. Sarada never hated symbolism and metaphors,but rather that she believed Mitsuki was obsessed with them to no end. She hypothetized that the reason for that could be the loose sense of identity or lack of a defined purpose in life. However, after what she heard a few moments earlier,it seemed to her that Mitsuki had finally realized what his goal is.

"It doesn't matter if i truly am your sun or not. I'll make sure to become one to save you from the limitless void you are trapped in. That's my promise,Mikki." Sarada asserts,with a bright smile on her face.

"That's what i was talking about." Mitsuki shuts his eyes,wearing a half-smile.

"One thing that bothered me in this last four years was that everything was about Boruto and Kawaki. You distanced yourself from me and no matter how much i tried,i could not really figure out if you chose one of those idiots over me. Not that it makes much of a difference now. Had you not chosen separation,you wouldn't be here prepared to beat me into a pulp if that's what it takes to bring me back to the village." Mitsuki glowers.

"You know that's not true! Boruto is there fighting for his life and doesn't really have anyone out there to back him up if bunch of bastards decide to hunt him down!" Sarada insists.

"Boruto was far more powerful than you when he left and he had Sasuke-san on his side! You were only risking your life and almost got yourself killed because of Kawaki! There was no sane for you to do what you did in all those years! You should've had faith in Boruto and valued your life because without you,all hope will he lost!" Mitsuki yells at Sarada.

"What are saying..?"

"The cloud of optimism has blinded your judgement. You may be able to reason with so many people,but there will come a day you will not be capable of empathizing with someone. Either because they are irredeemable or that they don't wish to be saved...You can't save everyone,Sarada. It doesn't worth to risk your life in doing so,because it's upon Boruto as the man who is slowly beginning to truly understand Kawaki's pain."

"I highly doubt that you plan to spare Kawaki."

"Kawaki is much too dangerous to be left alive. I have to get rid of him before he manages to fully masters his powers. He is unhinged and unpredictable,i won't allow him to take the lives of my loved ones or any other living being."

"Mitsuki..."

"What did Ada do to deserve such a horrific death?"

Tears falling from his cheeks,Mitsuki covers his eyes. "Neither Code nor I could save her. I could only just to see how she lost the single ray of hope she had kept in her heart for all her life."

"It's never too late. We may be able to fix it all."

"Only if you follow my lead this time around."

"What is your goal?"

"My goal...is to achive true peace. Not just for humans but all living beings. That includes Otsutsukis as well. This is an ambitious goal. A revolution on multiversal scale."

"Are you out of your right mind? Humans, Otsutsukis and Tenkajoyos have antagonized each other for billions of years! There is no way you can put an end to this conflict so easily! There will be an interdimensional war like no other and countless lives will be lost!"

"What if the one who wishes to settle all the matters shares the same blood with the three species?"

"No way..."

"A hybrid with royal blood of three supreme species flowing in his veins shall be given the authority to rule over the creation itself. But before that,a sacrifice must be made."

"That's why you came here,huh?"

"You always wished to know about my heritage. You asked me if i had a mother or if it was my parent Orochimaru themself who gave birth to me and that i am not really a clone? You came up with so many theories and to be honest,they were weird but interesting nontheless."

Mitsuki summons his 2 meters long sword. Muramasa sword which is in it's sheath that is decorated with jewels and a kanji sentence "Seikyo no Kishin" written on it which translates to "Demon Death God".

"Everything you know about the nature of my birth is true, although it's half of all you should be aware of. I am a synthetic human whose genetics were modified to be perfect in order to carry the power of gods. I am a partial of clone of Toneri Otsutsuki,therefore i descend from Hamura and Mirina Otsutsuki. For your information,Mirina Otsutsuki was a princess but considered to be an abomination for mere fact that she was daughter of Otsutsuki King and Dragon Queen. Two thousand years ago she came to our universe in order to reclaim Kaguya's chakra but fell in love with Hamura who guided her to the path of righteousness and became one with her. The source of Mirina's power is from an ancient god that Tenkajoyo clan worshipped. He is called Ryujin,and in the last two eons ever since Hamura and Mirina,no one was ever able to draw power from that god. I am the first person since my paternal ancestors to muster the true might of both Otsutsuki and Tenkajoyo clans as a human being."

"You said paternal? Does that mean you have a biological mother?"

"Yes. Sometime before the birth of Boruto, my father Toneri became ill for a short period of time. Hinata-hime learnt about it and rushed to his side,and healed his wounds. My Father kept Hinata-hime's chakra inside himself for it was his share of the woman he unconditionaly loved, which partially transforming his genes just like your father whose life was saved by Karin-san and that became one of main two reasons you are wearing glasees."

"..."

"Listen to me, back then i always told you that i will always support your dream to become hokage but i learnt to see the whole picture. You should never be a hokage."

"Mitsuki,i know where you are coming from but i genuinely believe i can change the shinobi system!"

"Just like Naruto-san did,right?" Mitsuki mocks Sarada.

"What?" Sarada is caught off guard.

"This shinobi system is founded by a man driven by fears and ready to terminate whole bloodlines if that's all it takes to protect his nation. Let me tell you the story of a boy whose dream was to become the most powerful ninja of all time,to be a hokage who puts an end to all the war and conflict. Do you know what led to Uchiha Downfall?"

"My uncle Itachi slaughtered his clan because he was tired of shedding blood and sweat for them. He left the village and turned into a rogue ninja who shortly afterwards joined Akatsuki."

"It seems your father didn't tell you the truth. It was the government who ordered Itachi to eradicate Uchiha off the face of earth. Fourty years ago, it was masked man who summoned kyuubi and because of that person, thousands of civillians and shinobis were killed. Danzo speculated Uchiha clan were responsible for the tragedy,but he didn't know it was an outsider who did that. Obito was a chunin of the village,who was said to have given his life to save his friend Kakashi. He was saved by a mysterious man and became his shadow. Obito was Madara's puppet who aimed to destroy the village. The Uchiha inside were deemed guilty and were oppressed and ostracized,while Obito manipulated your grandfather's subordinates for his own benefit. Uchiha plotted a coup d'etat to overthrow Konoha government for treating them fairly,and there was Itachi who was a conflicted double spy forced to make the toughest decision one could possible make. Itachi did what he did to prevent a world war and deaths of millions of innocent children."

Sarada freezes.

Mitsuki has been staring at the ground and now turns his gaze to Sarada.

She is on the verge of crying.

"There is no need for me to tell you what our Tsubasa-sensei and Boruto went through. As long as this shinobi system exists, there will be child soldiers who have to make sacrifices. Races to be eradicated. Nations start wars because of difference in religious views, pillaging other territories for money, invading other regions to gain more influence, killing people out hatred or for revenge. Many do it just to enjoy seeing their victims perish. This cycle of suffering shall not end until someone stands up in the face of injustice and cruelty to fight back. I shall be the one who crushes the corrupted systems of all worlds. You have no place in such world. I won't allow you to serve a system founded on blood of countless innocent lives."

"What is the difference between you and Kawaki?

"I will not commit genocide. Kawaki's mindset is hypocritical in essence as he is ready to kill whoever stands in his way while be pretends he is only trying to save the village."

"But what if you die fighting for your ideals?"

"You and I are the same regarding that matter. I am not a suicidal maniac,but if my sacrifice is all it takes to turn my ideals into a reality then i will gladly give my life knowing everyone will be happy and safe."

"You know that i am not gonna let you do that,right?"

"Then join me,Sarada. Together,we can do anything. There is no need for you to oppose me."

"I can't do that unless i betray my ideals."

"I see..."

Mitsuki draws out Muramasa out from it's sheath. The scarlet-colored sword starts to shine,thirsting for blood. "It's said that Muramasa is a cursed sword that corrupts the wielder as the time passes,slowly turning them into ruthless murderers. But if the one is mentally strong enough,they are able to resist the temptations and use this weapon for justice. This is a weapon that bypasses indestructible defenses and targets the soul to erase the impurities. Before ascension, i have to get rid of the unnecessary thoughts and emotions to become a perfect vessel to host the powers of gods."

"Are you sure that's what truly wish for?" Sarada says as she activates her mangekyou sharingan.

"Those who wish to hurt you...I shall crush their dreams...no one has the right to take you away from me..." Mitsuki says as he stabs himself in the heart In order to break the seal that prevents him from reaching his fullest potential.

"Mitsuki!" Shouts Sarada as she leaps toward Mitsuki.

A torrent of water wraps itself around Mitsuki's body,the drops of water burn through Sarada's flesh,forcing her to jump back as she figures the water is not harming her friend.

"Curse the fate for this unforgivable plot!" Mitsuki utters,and the torrent of water pulls him inside the endless ocean of primordial world.

Sarada summons her Crimson Red Perfect Susanoo and reaches for Mitsuki only to stop in middle of air as she hears a warning in the back of her mind.

"That rivers of abhorrence, concealment, woe, lamentation and fire enter that ocean. If someone like you jumps into that,the best case scenario is they will be erased from the timeline instantly. Direct contact with that ocean in this place will be your doom." Says Katsuyu.

"What is Mitsuki planning to do,Katsuyu-san?" Sarada asks her mentor.

"I remember my grandfather telling me story of a mythological spear that was used to create worlds. Based on what i witnessed here,it seems the tale was a legend based on the weapon Hamura Otsutsuki created eons ego and buried it deep inside the cosmic ocean. It's said that the weapon can turn one into an omnipotent entity. If a person with dangerous ideology finds it,they shall gain the ability to shatter the very fabric of reality itself on a really vast scale. Ameno Sakahoko is the name of that spear."

"Are you implying that Mitsuki is destined to claim ameno sakahoko for himself?"

"Indeed. He is now bonding with the ocean and ameno sakahoko will become part of his identity, thus no one shall be able to steal it from him even if he dies. But even someone as talented as him should train three years to gain full control over such weapon."

Sarada senses a danger coming and flies backward.

An impact from the deepest pits of cosmic sends shockwaves that shake the entire planet, Mitsuki awakens and flies toward the sky, charging toward Sarada, breaks through her susanoo, wraps his arms arounds around Sarada's body.

In less than an attosecond, Mitsuki crosses three hundred sextillion kilometers to protect Sarada from running out of lifespan and falling to madness due to being so close to the ocean.

Mitsuki let's go out of Sarada and as he is falling on his knees, Sarada finds herself in another dimension. Not the universe they belong to. That seems to be a creation of ancient sages to her.

This was the plan to get out of the primordial world because it's environment puts devastating toll on Sarada's body due to unique laws of physics and metaphysics.

"Mitsuki..." Sarada says as he reaches for her friend.

As soon as Mitsuki's hands touch the ground, he enters his dragon sage mode. His new body adapting as he is summoning the strength of mayhem. The aura he releases so intense it could effortlessly shatter the fabric of reality. It only leaves a crater on the ground, rupturing the planet that is thirty times larger than earth.

'Mitsuki's chakra pool is comparable to Prime Juubi level in terms of potency. He is not joking around...' Sarada raises on her feet, levitating in air as the byakugou seal spread over her body and summons a body sized perfect susanoo.

Black clouds forming in the sky, bolts of lightning striking the ground as Mitsuki stands on his feet. Now looking more like a feral beast than a human being. Locking gazes with Sarada with determination.

"Time to settle this..." Says Mitsuki, as the heavenly jeweled spear appears in his left hand. "Sarada."

"If you say so..." Sarada summons Ameno Murakumo as well,prepared to go all out.

"I will never leave you alone. Not again." Sarada asserts.

Sarada leaps toward Mitsuki and targets his left shoulder, Mitsuki stands still,raises his left arm to block Sarada's sword attack and at the mean time waving hand signs. Sarada notices that and right when she thinks of flying away, a hand grabs her collar which shocks her. 'Shadow clone..!' Mitsuki's shadow clone slams her into the ground and drags her for thousands of kilometers till Sarada turns the tides and punches Mitsuki, a brawl starts in midst of air and the fighters exchange blows till Sarada's fist and Mitsuki's leg connect. Sarada uses her feet to slow down and finally stop her from moving any further. Mitsuki's shadow clone uses his claws to achive the same and charges at Sarada similar to a hungry predator.

Sarada weaves seals using her left hand to create four shadow clones of her own. Her clones corner Mitsuki's clone while she turns back to react on time to block a punch from Mitsuki, who flips on Sarada's shoulder and kicks her on the back and jumps up to the sky. Sarada turns around and figures Mitsuki's waving hand signs again. 'Dammit...he is too fast...'

'Water style:great water dragon jutsu!' A sea of water taking form of a dragon and roaring as it attacks Sarada. Sarada leaps backward and waves tiger hand sign. 'Fire style:majestic destroyer flame jutsu!' The two jutsus of opposing elements collide and cause steam to cover a vast area.

'Summoning art:shadow snake assault jutsu!' Serpents start raising from under the ground to grab Sarada by her feet. Sarada flies away and slashes through several hundreds of them. 'Lightning style:Chidori senbon!' Sarada shoots a rain of blades down on the snakes and then targets Mitsuki's using the same jutsu.

'Not bad...' not bothering to dodge, Mitsuki's clone allows chidori senbons to hit him and Sarada witnesses how all of them shatter and turn to dust. Mitsuki's clone smirks and creates a bow made of purple lightning with his left hand and with his right hand creates a purple arrow,aims at Sarada before she gets to chance to charge toward him and prevent him from using this technique. 'Lightning style:rain of death!' The arrow flies at an incredible speed and Sarada is left with no chance but to flee and hide behind the planets nearby. Mitsuki's uses shadow clone jutsu to turn that arrow into twenty thousand unstoppable blades that penetrate stars and planets, causing a series or catasthropic events in the solar system.

Sarada stops moving in midair, shields her body with her susanoo's wings and releases a massive shockwave that obliterates all the incoming purple lightning blades along with the solar system Mitsuki and her were in.

'Yasaka no magatama!' Sarada summons eight extremely dense crimson tomoes, and fires them at Mitsuki's clone.

The dragon sage substitutes himself with his clone after dealing with Sarada's shadow clones, catching the uchiha prodigy by surprise.

Mitsuki swings ameno sakahoko seven times and one by one, the yasaka no magatama disappear and that leaves one. Mitsuki slices through the fabric of space infront of himself, opens a portal infront of himself and bridges it to another spot in space behind Sarada's back, the last tomoe connects with Sarada's body and leaves a massive explosion, sending her toward Mitsuki.

Mitsuki charges at Sarada and delivers a roundhouse on her chest just to see her turn into a large murder of crows. 'Itachi-san must be proud of her.' The crows start engorging then their eyes turn red, and they blow up at the exact same time.

Mitsuki flies toward Sarada at a blinding speed but Sarada is able to react on time and catch his hands before he can land a hit on her. "You can't gain the upper hand on me using distractions,Sarada."

"About that..." Sarada leans back a bit, gathering a chunk of chakra in her head then headbutts Mitsuki on his forehead, cracking his horn as a result and knocks him back, forcing him to retreat and get a few meters away from Sarada.

"Tch." Mitsuki grunts, his horn is healed instantly. "Not bad." Mitsuki admits.

"You used hand signs three times before casting those jutsus. I was paying attention to see if i can find slightest distortion in flow of your chakra. It appears that you no longer need to wave hand signs at all." Sarada deduces based on what she witnessed earlier in the fight.

Mitsuki smirks. "Show me why Sasuke-san is so proud of you."

An explosion.

An instant later, Sarada sees an ocean of water beneath her feet, several hundred kilometers away from Mitsuki and her.

Just as Sarada's intuition warns her to move away, a gigantic serpent made of water grabs her and tries to bite and penetrate her thick susanoo armor just for the watet serpent to break it's fangs. The serpent slams Sarada into the ocean.

Mitsuki raises his right arm and starts spinning ameno sakahoko above his head right as his water serpent catches Sarada. In the empty void, Mitsuki generates an astronomical dragon made of purple lightning that dwarfs the sun in Mitsuki's and Sarada's timeline. "It's gonna sting, Sarada."

Not allowing Sarada the chance to break free from hold of water serpent, Mitsuki's dragon roars and dives into the ocean. The temperature is so high that all the water gets vaporized shortly upon impact. The absurd electric current that reaches twelve orders of magnitudes passes through Sarada's body.

Mitsuki watches as Sarada heals from the mere flesh wounds, showing no sign of fatigue or dizziness. Mitsuki can sense that Sarada is only annoyed, glaring at him with her cursed crimson eyes that are beacon of hope.

The anger fuels Sarada's motivation and makes her chakra more potent than before. Sarada claps her hands and summons an asteriod with density of trillion kilograms per meter and around the same size as the moon. The asteroid hits Mitsuki on the back and Sarada flies upward and charges toward Mitsuki to punch him in the chest so hard that he is sent flying backward and the asteriod gets obliterated.

Mitsuki enters a blue star and starts to manipulate it's core, absorbing all elements except for iron. Boosting the speed of chemical process and breaking the balance between radiation and gravity inside the core of the blue star, Mitsuki forcefully causes a supernova explosion that lays waste to the entire solar system.

A feat impossible for normal shinobis. In fact, one has to possess extraordinary imagination prowess and genius intelligence along with chakra reserves on par with kurama.

Mitsuki then concentrates all the mass in surrounding space into a single spot, creating a singularity with infinite density, giving birth to a black hole using his incredible mental prowess and chakra control. The black hole quickly grows bigger than the planet they landed on after leaving the primordial world. Mitsuki kicks the black hole and shoots it at Sarada.

'Dammit...' Sarada takes a deep breath, draws ameno murakumo from it's sheath and coats it with golden lightning. She swings it and sends a barrage of lightning bolts inside of the black hole.

The particle-antiparticle pairs inside the black are pulled outside of it as Sarada commands it. Sarada prevents the destruction of those pairs, therefore black hole starts to shrink and loses mass rapidly. An event that would usually takes gogols of years to happen, occurs in matter of seconds. The bearers of chakra and those who can mold nature energy in their body are able to bend the laws of physics, and that way a bolt of lightning can be shot faster than light. For instance, Hagoromo was able to travel infinite distance in a mere instant using no space-time jutsu, relying only on sheer speed gained after rigorous training and perfecting his chakra control in his teenage days.

Evaporation of black hole. The tremendous dark sphere dies in a blaze of glory, and it's destruction serves no purpose other than releasing all the energy it absorbed just moments earlier.

It appears that not even the cosmic radiations have any sort of effect on Mitsuki and Sarada. If ordinary ninjas with limited knowledge on the capacity of potential of carrier of chakra were to witness clash of dragon sage and uchiha prodigy, they would think they are looking at two invincible gods who will fight to the end of eternity.

However, Mitsuki and Sarada are fully aware of each other's capacity. The battle's only just getting started.

Mitsuki tilts his head to crack his neck, shrugging his shoulders as ameno sakahoko disappears.

Sarada pulls out her susanoo's twin katana from the sheaths on her back and sets them on fire. Not any ordinary fire but holy fire that is summoned from heaven itself. Sarada is the first uchiha who gained possession of this divine blessing unlike her predecessors who could only wield inferno flames.

"Just as i expected." Mitsuki grins, and makes his own twin katanas with ice style. "You truly are different from the rest of the uchiha."

"Come!" Sarada declares.

Mitsuki and Sarada let out their battle cry that shake the sky, charging toward each other.

The swords connect and release a shockwave that crush the universe to oblivion. They start exchanging strikes as they move and cross different corners of the cosmos.

After three minutes, Mitsuki manages to lock one of Sarada's flame swords with his ice swords. Sarada aims to pierce Mitsuki's abdomen. Mitsuki absorbs the holy fire.

'What?' Sarada is surprised to see that.

'Of course he can do that.' Lady Katsuyu says in spiritual plane shared between her and Sarada.

'What is that supposed to mean?!?'

'You see, the otsutsuki may not be safe from your holy fire, neither are the tanjoyoko. Mitsuki breaks the rule because he not only bathed in ocean of primordial world, but also awakened his divine genes passed down to him by Hamura Otsutsuki who is the supreme ruler of not just primordial world but also heavens too.'

'You mean he's...like what...fireproof now?'

'I guess that'll be a correct way to describe his current state.'

'Amazing..! Do you know anything else about the abilities he may have gained after using cheat code?'

'Luckily for you, he didn't have enough time to obtain invulnerable body. He can't summon water from primordial water nor can he open a portal to that place.'

'That means i have to beat him or i'll look like a total fraud if i lose and...'

'...'

'Forget it.'

"Too dull!" Mitsuki murmurs and then starts kicking Sarada on the chest, first right foot then left foot then right foot again. Mitsuki finishes the combo by doing a side flip kick and moves toward Sarada for another combo.

Mitsuki delivers a raising uppercut on Sarada's jaw with his left fist and hits her with another side flip kick.

Mitsuki turns his katanas into a warhammer and smashes it into Sarada's chest, sends her flying to other side of universe. Sarada crashes into the barrier that separates this universe from the void of multiverse.

The left side of Sarada's jacket is torn apart after the attack, and six of her lower ribs broken. Sarada takes her jacket off and throws it away. Mitsuki flies toward him and the moment he sees Sarada's necklace, he freezes in midair.

"You didn't think that i forgot about this,did you?" Sarada grunts as she heals her broken ribs, with a sad expression on her face.

"I always preferred to believe that it was the most precious gift you have ever received from anyone." Mitsuki responds, a glum smile appears on his face.

"Like the necklace you are wearing,huh?"

"Yeah..."

Date:Mar.28th 2039

Over fourteen months has passed since the day Kawaki sealed Naruto and Hinata inside Isshiki's timeless dimension. So many people are still unable to cope with the fact that their lord seventh and byakugan princess were killed in their own village, at the hands of the boy they adopted and cherished as if he was their flesh and blood. That is what the leaf village believe to be the reality, for majority of them that is the case.

The streets have not been so unwelcoming and gelid for those who mourn the death of their beloved heroes.

And then there are certain individuals whose hearts are filled with sorrow and regret for different reasons. Those who remember what truly happened, those who can see the true enemy.

'For how long am i supposed to pretend that i don't want to knock Kawaki's teeth out? I don't even know if dad is doing well? I hope that idiot Boruto isn't annoying dad with his foolish antics. Gah, i hate worrying about that heedless gremlin of all people while i should be keeping an eye on the sassy emo boy.' Sarada thinks as she walks down her path to home with hands in her jacket's pockets, looking down, not paying attention to her surroundings.

A boy wearing dark out fit approaches Sarada that brings her out of her thoughts with his cold but stable aura. Sarada is not a sensor but there is one presence she's quite familiar with. Each and every single fiber in Sarada's body are sensitive to the chakra that belongs to the person she spends the most of her free time of duty period: Mitsuki.

To Sarada, it seemed like Mitsuki was gonna walk past her but he stands on her right side and stays still, not saying anything nor looking at her at all.

"Your ears." The first words that come out of Mitsuki's mouth.

"Oh, the earring holes... My mother asked me if i wanted to pierce my ears and wear earrings, i thought it wasn't a bad idea." Sarada says. "Sharp eyes."

"I assume Sakura-san's already have something for you as she came up with this idea days before you celebrate your birthday." Mitsuki speculates. 'Sasuke-san is the one who gifts you a pair of earrings, i suppose...' Mitsuki thinks, refuses to say that to Sarada as that will only upset her.

"I guess you are right." Sarada replies. "That dark purple nail polish looks good on your hands."

"You can thank my parent later if you ever met them again."

"Orochimaru-san really is a classy one. You sure have inherited that fashion sense from your mysterious parent."

"I wish that means you are one of few who don't hate my parent."

"There's no reason for me to be scared of the current Orochimaru-san. I'm just wary of them because...well...they seem to be overly secretive and tight-lipped."

"Hmph. Is that so?" Mitsuki asks, then wears a mischevious grin.

"In their defense, they probably act this way to appear charming in people's eyes." Sarada replies, raises her hands in air and shrugs her shoulders.

"Just like me, right?" Mitsuki asks as he puts his left hand on his hip and leaning a bit to the left side

"Yes." Sarada says, smiling.

"Ada is waiting for me. I wished they would give us a break, but crime never sleeps."

"Do you two weirdos get along with each other?"

"If it continues like this, i guarantee you will eventually be jealous of Ada."

"Don't you dare replacing me with that ticklish damsel, Mikki."

"Now that you mention it, i don't see Sumire around. You two are always supposed to be stuck. Strange to see you here walking around all by yourself without your new bestfriend."

"..."

"..."

Sarada scratches back of her head, unable to come up with a cool comeback. Mitsuki pats her on shoulder and starts to walk away.

"See you around." Mitsuki waves hand.

"Take care." Sarada says loudly.

 

Date:Mar.31th 2039

Sarada's birthday party was oddly pleasant for everyone excluding Ada who was uncomfortable in public, and Mitsuki who has began to get annoyed by loud noises.

Sarada picked up and put all the gifts she received in her bedroom with help of Mitsuki decided to be the last person leaving.

Sarada and Mitsuki come out of the room, seeing Sakura who has finished cleaning the house.

Sakura has her back pressed against the wall and staring at the teenagers, arms folded infront of her chest.

"Sakura-san, may i borrow your daughter for a couple of minutes?" Mitsuki asks Sakura who raises an eyebrow.

"Where are your manners, Mitsuki?!" Sarada asks Mitsuki and grabs his wrist, her eyes twitching.

"...Please."

"That feeling of objectification has not faded away, you know."

"That was a figure of speech, Sarada."

"You better watch your tongue the next time."

"I'll try."

"That's not enough."

"Deal with it."

"You-"

"Oi!" Sakura lets her voice be heard.

"Yes, ma'am." Mitsuki and Sarada say that at the same time.

"You better hurry up, or you'll have to feel the wrath of strongest kunoichi in konoha."

"Gotcha!" Mitsuki wraps his arm around Sarada and teleports away.

"Silly kids..." Sakura sighs.

Mitsuki's destination is hokage rock and he lands on top of Minato's head.

"I admit that you are hella fast." Sarada says as she turns to Mitsuki.

"Save that for later. Close your eyes."

"You better not be planning to steal my first kiss, Mikki." Sarada says, pouting.

"Haha, we laughed mad loud for a bit." Mitsuki responds in a mocking tone. "I'm barely thirteen, uchiha-san." Mitsuki pokes Sarada on forehead.

"Ouch." Sarada rubs her forehead. "That was me being sarcastic."

"And that poke was to show you i have class." Mitsuki takes Sarada's hands in his own hands and covers her eyes with the palms of her hands. "No peeking."

"Let's see what you've got for me." Sarada says, a shade of sarcasm apparent in her warm and loud voice.

"You are allowed to open your eyes now."

"Uh-oh..." Sarada slowly lowers her hands and gradually and hesitantly opens her eyes, her heart pounding so hard she feels like it will explode. She is embarassed at herself for being unbelievably excited. 'Future hokage? Puff, jokes on me. I am nothing but a baby.'

"So?" Mitsuki asks, now with a gentle tone.

"Just like what Tsubasa-sensei is used to say: Magnificent!" Sarada responds as she reaches for the marvelous treasure in Mitsuki's hands.

Mitsuki's gift is a necklace. Thin gold chains with a eight-pointed star shaped symbol made of sunstone in red color. It is certainly not the most expensive gift Sarada has received, but probably her favorite after the earrings she is wearing that are created by her father.

Mitsuki goes behind Sarada and clips the necklace around Sarada's bare neck. Sarada shakes uncontrolably at touch of the metal but soon a phenomena catches her onyx eyes.

After Mitsuki finished putting the necklace on Sarada's neck, the star shaped gem starts shining bright. It really does fascinate Sarada.

"Let me guess,you made this cutie yourself." Sarada assumes.

"Yes." Mitsuki says, smiling.

"Did you use yin-yang release method or..."

"I mastered the craft. It took me two days but it seem it did worth it."

"You kidding? I fricking love it so much."

"You're welcome."

"Oh...you used this symbolism again..."

"..."

"Don't get me wrong, i know my mangekyou sharingan has the same shape as this symbol, but still....i...i just...i dunno."

"No,you are right. Your eyes inspired me. Nothing more, nothing less."

There comes a suffocating silence. The wind blows Mitsuki's hair, hiding his golden eyes from Sarada.

Sarada runs her fingers through Mitsuki's hair and slides it to side so she could see his beautiful face. Sarada caresses Mitsuki's cheek, wrapping one arm around his neck and one around his waist, pulls him into a hug, embracing his cold body in her toned arms.

"Thank you...for everything." Sarada says as she holds Mitsuki tighter.

Mitsuki doesn't move, just rests her chin on Sarada's shoulder.

Date:Present Time-Nov.27th 2042

Mitsuki remembers some moments from the past he cherishes, losing focus on the battle, allowing Sarada to gain the opportunity to wave hand signs needed to cast shadow clone jutsu.

Ten shadow clones surround a distracted Mitsuki and jump on him and start beating him up for mere seconds until Mitsuki uses substituition jutsu and gets in iajutsu stance after summoning ameno sakahoko.

"Eliminate all!" Mitsuki disappears from Sarada's sight.

Nearing infinite speed, Mitsuki flies around the universe and slashes through Sarada's shadow clones in a omnidirectional series of attacks, slicing through space itself and disregards their durability, watching Sarada's shadow clones vanish one by one in matter of an instant.

Sarada summons her perfect susanoo again along with gunbai before Mutsuki could cast Wind Style: Great Wind Whirlwind jutsu, expelling the chakra she kneaded in her body into holy fire and uses the chakra of Mitsuki's own attack to cast Fire Style: Great Fire Whirlwind jutsu, creating three enormous whirlwinds that knock Mitsuki back.

Sarada appears behind Mitsuki, strengthening the force of her punches by casting Earth Style: Ultra Added-Weight Rock jutsu and concentrating tremendous amount of chakra that she has been storing in byakugou seal in the last two years, into them and strikes Mitsuki in stomach so hard he crashes through the barrier of universe that shatters.

Mitsuki has no time to recover as his back hits the barrier of another universe.

"Channaro!" Sarada begins to deliver a remorseless and devastating flurry of punches as she shouts angirly at the friend who does not regret leaving her. Sarada screams because she can't forgive herself for hurting Mitsuki, for all there is that she can do is to try beating some sense into her beloved companion. Sarada has to convince Mitsuki what he is doing is wrong, because if she fails to do that, there is a strong chance he will die.

Sarada is afraid of that possiblity and she will do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening.

"GIVE UP!" Sarada yells at Mitsuki, striking him with the palms of her hands, sends him flying until he freezes in midair, gasping for a few moments and starts coughing blood, covering his mouth with his hands as he transforms back to the first stage of dragon king sage mode.

The hanging crescent moon necklace brings back Sarada to three years ago...

 

Date:Jul.25 2039

It's early in the morning, everyone is asleep while the sensory division are watching over the village. Nothing can be heard but the dawn chorus of birds.

'Is there something wrong?' Kohan asks Mitsuki telepathically using mind body transmission technique and chakra transmission communication device that expands the range of yamanaka clan's hiden jutsu and allows the sensory division to make contact with those who are fifteen kilometers away from the leaf village.

'No. Everyone's sleeping.' Mitsuki responds, standing in Ada's bedroom, barely a couple of feets distance between them.

'The night shift is over. You may leave now. I will make contact with Sarada and Sumire.'

'Yes, sir.' Mitsuki approaches Ada who has wrapped arms around a pillow, and puts a blanket over her. Mitsuki caresses Ada's cheek with back of his fingers.

Mitsuki is assigned to this mission not to befriend Ada and Daemon literally but to pretend that he loves to spend time with them and genuinely likes them.

Perhaps Mitsuki isn't of the kind who considers not hurting feelings of the people as he is logic-driven and blunt, that doesn't indicate he lacks empathy for certain individuals who share similar experiences with him.

Ada is a conflicted person and her thirst for love is something Mitsuki relates to. Mitsuki often thinks that he is alone in the world, and he can see that Ada is dealing with the very same irritating sense of melancholy.

Ada is skeptical but also optimistic at the same time. She claims that keeping silence is a wise move but when she is with Mitsuki, she becomes chatty and can go on and on for hours. Ada says she hates fighting but won't bat an eye if someone were to be killed for opposing her.

Mitsuki perceives Ada as a paradoxical existence who reminds him of not just himself but also Tsubasa Emiya, his genius mentor.

Mitsuki was able to bond with Ada because he truly believed that she deserves to be given a chance. He wishes happiness for Ada and considers her to be his companion.

At first, Mitsuki was yet another "cool guy" for Ada but shortly after she started to fraternize with him, Mitsuki grew on Ada. Ada tends to refer to Mitsuki as her Darkest Knight, and prefers keeping company with him than anyone else in konoha as he understands her the best and is always frank without being rude.

Mitsuki walks out of the bedroom, mentally stressed.

Mitsuki comes out of the house and spots Sarada who has her hands behind, Mitsuki knows that she is hiding something from him that will only just confuse him.

"You like to keep me waiting. I don't." Sarada approaches Mitsuki with firm steps and an awkwardly fierce look on her face.

Sarada stands close to Mitsuki, her chest almost touching his, gazing into his eyes.

"Okay..." Mitsuki murmurs.

Sarada is glad that Mitsuki can read her mind and save her the trouble of explaining herself and what she wants to say most of the time. And now Mitsuki shuts his eyes, without even being told to do so.

Sarada gently puts on a necklace on Mitsuki's neck and then pokes on his forehead.

"Here you go." Sarada says with enthusiasm, grinning.

Mitsuki lowers his head to look at the necklace Sarada gifted him.

Thin silver chain and a crescent moon shaped symbol made of moonstone that is glowing.

"I saw it coming and it still baffles me." Mitsuki says, looking at Sarada with a curious expression on his face.

"At first, i was really not interested in that sun and moon symbolism you are so obsessed with. But after my birthday, i don't really mind it." Sarada asserts, Mitsuki raises an eyebrow hearing that. "Because you are the moon. Don't waste your time on Boruto and Kawaki, you are my moon."

Mitsuki is left speechless, drowned in a sea of thoughts and doubts. Mitsuki hates when he can't find a proper answer.

Sarada leans forward and marks Mitsuki's left cheek with a gentle kiss.

Mitsuki presses his forehead against Sarada's with his eyes closed. Sarada interlocks fingers with Mitsuki's to comfort him. From time to time, Mitsuki forgets just how desperate he is for the warmth in Sarada's touch.

"Happy Birthday, Mikki."

"Yeah."

"You love it, right?"

"Absolutely."

 

Present Time

Mitsuki stares at his bloody hand in disbelief.

"You are pound-for-pound the single strongest person i have ever fought." Mitsuki admits and then covers his face with his left hand, his body still trembling because of the damage inflicted onto him.

"Hehehehehe..." Mitsuki starts laughing in a hair-raising manner, shaking Sarada to the core. "HAHAHAHAHAHAH"

Mitsuki's laughter is no longer sweet or genuine. It is sinister, twisted. He has finally snapped.

"THIS ENTIRE TIME YOU COULD'VE MOPPED THE FLOOR WITH SO MANY BASTARDS BUT YOU CHOSE TO WAIT JUST TO GO ALL OUT AGAINST ME?!?" Mitsuki shouts at Sarada, making her break into sweats.

'The ritual is now showing it's side effects.' Katsuyu says in the mental plane.

'Since Mitsuki couldn't fully rewrite his DNA, his mind is unable to withstand the pressure of the incomplete power of primordial ocean bestowed upon him. Is that what you were gonna say, Katsuyu-san?' Sarada says, clenching her fists.

'You have to put an end to this fight. Mitsuki is unhinged, far too dangerous than he has ever been.'

'Are you done?'

'Yes.'

'Good.'

Sarada returns back from mental plane and sets her eyes on Mitsuki.

"I will save you, Mitsuki." Sarada insists.

"I don't want you to save me, Sarada." Mitsuki asserts.

Sarada forms a rasengan in her right hand, and makes it bigger than planet earth itself.

Mitsuki gathers chakra in his left hand and transforms it into stream of black electricity.

Sarada attacks with her ultra big-ball rasengan, Mitsuki quickly flies towards it and tries to deflect the planetary sphere using his dark chidori as he lets out a cry of rage.

Mitsuki releases an electric discharge from his left hand, cancelling Sarada's rasengan as a result.

Mitsuki spots Sarada who shots an arrow after amplifying it's speed with wind style, using a red bow that is her perfect susanoo's special weapon, it travels so fast space around it is distorted. Mitsuki summons muramasa sword and cuts the arrow in half, and the two halves of arrow melt away instantly.

Mitsuki cuts his forearm open with muramasa sword before it starts to thirst for Sarada's blood, boosting his physical prowess and strengthening his chakra by boiling the energy flowing within him, Mitsuki transports back muramasa sword to the spiritual plane and charges at Sarada.

Sarada tries to defend herself from Mitsuki's punch with her bow, but the dragon sage's claw breaks it apart. Mitsuki punches Sarada on abdomen, then on face, then uppercuts her and at last delivers a knee kick.

"What is it that motivates you? Is it the urge to prove that you are not powerless and can save everyone around you? Or the overwhelming guilt you feel because Ada was killed and i went rogue?" Mitsuki yells at Sarada as he is grabbing her arms.

"Cut it out!" Sarada shouts at Mitsuki as she digs her fingernails into his neck and shoulder.

"Why are you so obsessed with Boruto and Kawaki?!"

"WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME?!?"

Mitsuki grits his teeth upon hearing that question and lets go of Sarada.

"Back then, you were worrying about Boruto the whole time, always told me that Hinata-san asked you to look after her reckless son. Kawaki came, and your desire to mimic seventh hokage became a reason for you to befriend Kawaki. You know that he regrets nothing at all, and you still wish to believe that there is still good in him." Mitsuki says, with a devastated look on his face.

"You said it yourself the best. If i lose my grasp on hope, i'll be nothing but a shell of my true self. Kawaki can pretend that he is all tough and merciless, but deep down he is the same broken child desperate for slightest bit of parental affection. His ideals are twisted but with Boruto's help, he can change for the good." Sarada claims, her lips curle into a smile , wearing a saddened expression.

"Ridiculous."

"You are so difficult."

Mitsuki and Sarada fly away in opposite directions without turning their back on each other.

Mitsuki and Sarada puff steam breaths, the first being of ice and the latter of fire.

"Who would've thought we would use those two techniques on each other?" Mitsuki says, releases tremendous amount of dark energy that takes form of an endless cold steam reaching thermodynamic temperature to absolute zero.

"You did, didn't you?" Sarada asks Mitsuki, as she expells gigantic amount of light energy that spreads around the space behind her, transforms into holy fire reaching the planck temperature.

 

Date:Sep.11th 2040

Ada is in the hall, sitting on the nine seater, drinking apricot banana smoothie through a straw.

"Here, have a sip." Ada offers Mitsuki to take a small mouthful of her drink.

"You don't have OCD?" Mitsuki asks Ada.

"I'll make an exception this time around." Ada says, outstretches her right arm and rests it on top of the sofa's frame.

Mitsuki leans in, tucks his hair behind his ear and puts his lips on the red straw, drinks a sip of the smoothie.

"Very appetizing." Mitsuki confesses, licking his lips.

"I might open my juice bar one day. Who knows maybe you will be there to lend me a hand in work." Ada says, giggling.

"If only thery was no tension in this world..." Mitsuki says, sighing.

Mitsuki outstretches his left arm and rests it on the top of sofa's frame.

Mitsuki and Ada put on one leg over the other at the same time, sitting crosslegged.

"That's what happens when you are together." Daemon says loudly as he jumps on the sofa and sits next to Ada. "You should never be left alone all by yourselves."

Then appears a man infront of the teens, jumpscaring Daemon.

"You-" Daemon is cut off as another one pops up out of nowhere.

"Your progress is awe-inspiring, Houki." Tsubasa says. "Keep it up and you will surpass some of your predecessors."

"That is only possible because of you, Tsubasa-sensei. You have my sincerest gratitude." Houki says.

"Hello everyone." Tsubasa says, patting Houki on his back.

Daemon disappears, sticks to the roof and leaps toward Tsubasa to hit him just to phase through his body.

"Are you a wizard or something?" Daemon asks Mitsuki, frowning.

"I am a sage of six paths." Tsubasa replies to the kneeling boy. "Ada."

"Handsome." Ada responds to Tsubasa.

"Keep this mini goblin away from me." Tsubasa asks Ada.

"Come here, Daemon." Ada tells her little brother who turns to Ada and then looks back at Tsubasa.

"I'll get my hands on you one day, pretty boy." Daemon says.

"You can't even achive that goal in your dreams. There is no shinobi on earth who stands slightest chance of victory against Tsubasa-sensei. Likes of Kakashi-senpai have stated that Tsubasa-sensei might be the single most powerful being in existence. You can consider him our failsafe asset." Houki states as he sits on other edge of the sofa.

"BS! There ain't no way this edgelord can defeat me!" Daemon shouts.

"You can brag about it all you want. I can't care less about spoiled brats with an ego the size of the universe." Tsubasa says.

Someone throws arms around Tsubasa's waist from back and hugs him tightly.

"I missed you dearly, sensei." Sarada says.

"You have grown stronger." Tsubasa says, knowing well that Sarada always hugs him to lighten his mood.

Sarada unwraps her arms around Tsubasa and goes to sit next to Mitsuki.

"You sit here hand in glove with Ada. My god, Mitsuki..." Sarada whispers in Mitsuki's ear, Ada hears her and nods her head.

"I hope all is well, Tsubasa-senpai." Sumire says as she gets past Tsubasa and sits beside Sarada.

Tsubasa spots a frozen Himawari behind him. Himawari's cheeks glistening with blush, gazing at Tsubasa with heart eyes.

Tsubasa approaches Himawari, lifts her up and puts her on sofa next to Houki while everyone are analyzing his each and every single movement.

"Hima." Tsubasa says, snapping fingers infront of Himawari's face.

"Are you an angel? If not then why are you so pretty?" Himawari asks Tsubasa, who turns to Houki and both roll their eyes and facepalm themselves.

"Whatever." Tsubasa says, patting Himawari on top of her head. "Sumire asked me to come here to share a piece of knowledge with you. My gosh i hate being a teacher to death. So boring." Tsubasa continues with his tongue in cheek.

"Then why on earth you waste your time mentoring these goons for two years?" Daemon asks Tsubasa who frowns after hearing her.

"Tragically, i have been cursed with this sense of responsiblity that pushes me to do what annoys me to death." Tsubasa responds. "Not like you would understand what it means. Anyway, it's history class time! Let's talk about ancient times."

"Aw man, you want to babble on and one and give me irks.

"And ancient gods."

"For real?!?"

"No for fake."

"That doesn't sound too bad, you know." Daemon says, his cheeks blooming.

"In the seventh century and after the death of Hagoromo Otsutsuki, the cosmos became battleground of two demi-gods. They were the sage of six paths' sons: Indra and Ashura Otsutsuki. Indra was an outstanding prodigy among his peers, never surpassed by his descendants nor successors. Indra was an individualist who believed he could bring justice and order through force, and never relied on people. Hagoromo saw that and thought that Indra is not worthy to be the next leader of ninshu. Therefore on his deathbed, Hagoromo passed on his powers to Ashura, the younger son who wasn't particulary talented reached enlightenment. Overwhelmed by rage and hatred, Indra rebelled and waged war on followers of Ninshu all by himself."

"Indra was a real one for that. That is peak badassery." Daemon says, everyone turn to him and look at him with mixed feelings of disappointment and shock. "What?" Daemon folds his arms. "You can't change my mind."

"He battled Ashura for years but he failed to taste victory. Indra grew tired and decided to retreat. Indra sought to awaken his father's dojutsu, the rinnegan. But how?" Tsubasa continues, approaching Ada and bending over, waiting for an answer from her.

"He needed to mix both yin and yang chakra inside his body. After an indefinite period of time, knowing that Indra was a bearer of mangekyou sharingan, his eyes would evolve and transform into a single or a pair of rinnegan." Ada states.

"Bravo." Tsubasa pats Ada on shoulder. "You better take your taijutsu training seriously. You have untapped potential."

"If you say so." Ada says.

"Indra had absorbed a small portion of Ashura's chakra, and spent months on deep meditating, multiplying that chakra and then mixed it with his own chakra. After that, he could manifest fantasy and created a perfect avatar of himself, transplanting that avatar's mangekyou sharingan, activating eternal mangekyou sharingan as a result." Tsubasa goes on.

"That is cruel." Himawari says.

"Maybe. Who are we to judge?" Houki says.

"Indra finally attained a pair of nine tomoe rinnegan. Ashura had forseen that, thus he perfected his mastery over six paths sage mode, pushing himself to reach Indra's level." Tsubasa continues.

"We are lucky that things went down they way they did." Sumire says.

"I think not." Mitsuki responds.

"Tsk tsk tsk tsk." Sarada utters.

"Indra is not just ancestor of Uchiha, Emiya and Chinoike but also the creator of all forms of ninjutsu. He was a super genius and casually invented complex techniques and experimented on the environment to gain a proper understanding of reality. That is when he created a pocket dimension. Indra wanted to see what happens if space reaches it's boiling point. Indra released the inferno flames inside the pocket dimension and increased it's thermodynamic temperature until the interesting stuff appeared in a certain point." Tsubasa says.

"Planck temperature." Ada says.

"That's my girl." Tsubasa says, making Ada feel proud of herself and sees her cheeks redden. "Planck sized black holes started to form and flooded the cosmos with radiation and particles, triggered a big bang event."

"He was a nerd." Daemon pouts.

"Is there a problem?" Mitsuki turns to Daemon.

"Eh... in this case, i guess he is just way cool for me to slander him." Daemon says.

"Originally, there were two sages of six paths. Hamura was the co-inventor of six paths sage mode who landed on moon and decided to live there. He married a hybrid otsutsuki named Mirina Otsutsuki who bore him a daughter: Meigetsu Otsutsuki. A demi-goddess whose talents were said to surpass even that of the legendary Indra Otsutsuki, Mirina invented a fearsome technique that inspired Indra centuries later." Tsubasa explains.

"Sensei, you should tell me more about Meigetsu Otsutsuki." Sarada says.

"I will." Tsubasa says. "Mirina aimed to find the lowest possible negative thermodynamic temperature, thus she used her ice release and reached absolute zero temperature. The disorder disappeared at that point, all motion stopped which means time could no longer flow, and matters were obliterated on a subatomic level."

"What were the names of those jutsus?" Himawari asks Tsubasa.

"The first was called Genesis and the latter... Nemesis." Tsubasa answers Himawari.

 

Present Time

'I need more!' Sarada shouts.

'Roger that!' Katsuyu says.

In mere moments, Katsuyu channels immeasurable amount of nature energy into Sarada's body, enough to match Mitsuki's rather unparalled energy pool.

'I owe you one.' Sarada says.

'Don't mention it.' Katsuyu responds.

Mitsuki's dark energy enters nigh-infinite number of universes, crushing everything to oblivion.

Sarada's light energy also melts everything to other side, giving birth to infinite planck sized black holes.

Mitsuki concentrates all the concentrated energy he absorbed from the destroyed timelines and suppreses it into a form of blue moon.

Sarada does the exact same thing but instead of creating a moon, she manifests a star that is around twenty four times bigger than the lunar sphere Mitsuki made.

"You are the only one who can rival me, Sarada." Mitsuki asserts.

"I didn't want it to be this way." Sarada utters.

"It's over now."

"Forgive me, Mitsuki."

'Demonic Arts:Ice Style:Nemesis!'

'Divine Arts:Fire Style:Genesis!'

The warriors scream as they shoot the astronomical spheres at each other, pushing their bodies to their limits.

Mitsuki figures that Sarada's technique is overpowering his own, and chooses not to evade this attack from point blank range, embracing destruction to repent for the injuries he inflicted on Sarada during this fight.

Boom!

Mitsuki floating in space, knocked out of his sage mode, surrounding by newborn planets.

One instant, Mitsuki's body glows and the other it doesn't. Mitsuki has not accepted defeat, not yet.

Sarada watches as Mitsuki is regaining his consciousness, bloody tears coming out of her right eye after overusing the ameno uzume ability of her mangekyou sharingan which allows her to summon holy fire.

"You just won't stay down." Sarada mutters.

And a bloody tear falls from her left eye.

This is what kept Sarada safe from big bang's harm.

Amano Iwato.

Sarada transported her body to her personal domain before the explosion was triggered.

Sarada replaces the surrounding space with her dimension.

Chains are created from naught and bind Mitsuki to a torri gate.

"Impossible...how could i...lose..." Mitsuki drops his head out of shame.

 

Date:Feb.14th 2042

"He didn't came, right?" Mitsuki asks the girl who is sitting on bed, burying her face in the pillow she is hugging.

"I hate to say it, but it seems like Kawaki's heart is made of stone." Ada , throwing the pillow away and jumps out of the bed.

"How many times did i tell you Kawaki doesn't deserve your love, Ada?" Mitsuki utters, rubbing Ada's arms.

"This damn attraction won't let go of me." Ada murmurs, putting his hand on Mitsuki's chest.

"You cling to this bond because you think Kawaki feels lonely in this world just like you, yes?"

"There's a single dim ray of hope in my life, and it's the slim chance that Kawaki will love me back. I can still wait but i don't know exactly when i'll grow sick of this." Ada wraps her arms around Mitsuki, who runs his fingers through Ada's hair.

"You're risking everything."

"Even if that's true, You'll be there for me, my darkest knight."

Mitsuki says nothing just kisses Ada on top of her head and wraps his arm around her shoulders, hugging her tightly.

"You can count on me."

 

Date:Present Time

"I lied...again...and again...i failed..." Mitsuki mutters as cold tear stream down his face.

Sorrow, regret, humiliation, powerlessness, hate and rage.

Overwhelmed with negative emotions, Mitsuki snaps as he begins to absorb nature energy from Sarada's dimension.

"No..!" Sarada mutters as Mitsuki regains the strength he lost.

Mitsuki lets out a deafening roar that finds way to gates of heaven and hell, showing he is not bound by the laws of Sarada's domain.

Mitsuki generates enormous amount of lightning from himself, flooding Sarada's space-time, shattering the fabric of reality.

Mitsuki escapes Sarada's dimension, spots his opponent hyperventilating and severly fatigued, her body couldn't withstand the absurd level of energy it received, could barely even move or mold chakra.

Mitsuki flies toward Sarada who throws a weak punch, easilly grabs her hand and pokes her on forehead.

"Forgive me." Mitsuki says as Sarada loses her unconsciousness.

Mitsuki casted a special seal on Sarada which traps her conciousness in realm of dragon king for a short period of them.

Mitsuki's plan was to weaken Sarada to such an extent she will be unable to resist or break out of the realm quickly.

Mitsuki spent most of his remaining chakra to perform this technique. He summons ameno sakahoko to open a portal and passes through it just to fall on ground with Sarada's in his arms.

Mitsuki looks at Sarada's necklace that emits a dim light, and holds Sarada tighter.

Mitsuki stands up with Sarada in his arms and lays her next to another dear friend of his...

Code.

"I assure you, the victory will be our's." Mitsuki asserts.

#MitsuSara #Mitsuki x Sarada #Mitsuki #Sarada Uchiha #SasuSaku #Sasuke x Sakura #Sasuke Uchiha #Sakura Uchiha #Tsubasa Emiya #Orochimaru #Log #SuiKarin #Suigetsu Hozuki #Karin Uzumaki #Toneri Otsutsuki #ToneHina #Sumire Kakei #CodEida #Code #Ada #Houki Taketori #Himawari Uzumaki #Seina Shakudo #Boruto Two Blue Vortex #Boruto Naruto Next Generations #OTP #Ship #One Shot #Fanfiction #Tumblr Writers

[lucigoo]

Weekly Roundup : 24th March - 31st March So I had a pretty productive week this week. I amanged 25,235 words this week, hitting my monthly goal of 40,000 words by writing 72,341 words all month.

Ihave also uploaded 5 things on Ao3, one a new chapter fo my HP/Hobbut crossover and 2 chapters to my corgi fic. Anyway, recs first <3

If I could give my breath away (I would) - StupidFatPenguin - The Hobbit (Bilbo/Thorin, even with having lost his memory, Thorin is so precious in hiw quikly he falls in love Bilbo.)

(s)wiped out - I_did_not_mean_to, sandwich11213 - The Hobbit - (undercurrent of Bilbo/Thorin, the Bagginshield is subtle, but beautiful, and worth the entire fic to get to it this is a work of art, both the fic and the actual art)

When Buttercups Wither Verse - In_love_with_writing002 - The Witcher (Gen, a lovely little Jaskier centric what if series. its clever, funny and cute imo)

Dear Enemy - GingerTodgers - Harry Potter (Harry/Draco, lovely little letter fic, its adorable)

Worlds separated by a garden fence. - TheCuriousCat - The Hobbit (Fem Bilbo/Thorin, one of my fave series, Durins are fae and Bilbo is BAMF!)

Where I go, will you still follow? - ghostinthelibrary - Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Geralt/Jaskier, very suspensful read)

Now for my fics, theres a few this week so hopefully someone enjoys something <3

I want you right here, where you belong:Home with us - My 100th fic, with chapter 2. This will be a long slog fic i think, but im in love with it. Thorin has moved to "The United Kingdoms" with his friends and family. Follow his life as he ends up an unexpected father, Uncle and husband, and extends his family with wizards, witches, centaurs, goblins and, sadly, elves.

ABC's of Avoiding Bullying and Crying A cute litt kid fic one shot. All races have the same lffe span

Thorin is a big grown up 7 year old dwarf. Frerin is a little 5 year old dwarf who is usally bugging Thorin and his friends to play. So why didn't he bother them on this day, and who was he with?

A Home, A Pack, A Place of Love - Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 - I have uploaded 2 chaps of this sepcial fic that i for Razzy's bday and part of my animal Au series (which im still in love with) Bilbo is a corgi and he has become the guardian of a traumatised little corgi pup. He has to leave their cosy home and hope for the best. For him and Frodo. Hopefully he will find a ew place to call home, a new family for him and Frodo, hopefully they will thirve.

The Last Durin Princess returns home - A Dos-centric fic exploring her grief.

The Last Durin Princess returns home, but home is a tomb. A place with ghosts. With her dead borther and her dead sons. When home is no longer home, all it is is a place of pain and heart break. What is the last of her line supposed to do? How is she supposed to go on?

#bagginshield #The Hobbit #Dis #Jaskkier #The Witcher #Harry Potter #draco/harry #geralt/jaskier #Gen #Kid fic #Fem Bilbo

[u-n-lucky-being]

𝔐𝔲𝔡𝔡𝔩𝔢𝔡 𝔅𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔰

Part 3: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔴𝔢r𝔢

INFJ x ENTP

Tags: f!INFJ, m!ENTP, ft. m!ENTJ, ENTJ is an asshole in this one (sorry to all my ENTJ who are not machiavellian tyrants <3 love you all), lovers to enemies (kinda), kingdom setting, there’s an insurgence, kind of historical fiction (…I think? I’m not sure how this genre is called), angst, mentions of torture, threats of murder, mentions of murder, mentions of violence, blood, wounded character, mentions of war, curse words are used, I’m bad at tagging, hurt/comfort (I think?), I don’t know what else to add, please tell me if I should add anything else.

Word count: 4.5k

Summary: INFJ used to be sure that once she had to confront the worst, she would do without faltering. But now that she was face to face with it, fear was starting to creep in. As if her situation was not bad enough, the more she thinks she learns about their past, the more confused she feels. Her entire story with ENTP just feels like a muddled mess she doesn't know how to make sense of.

(Part 1: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢)

(Part 2: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢)

(Part 4: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢)

A/N: Hello! Hello! Welcome back to *proceeds to read the notes in the first parts* all the 4 people who were waiting for this!!!!

Ok no, but seriously, hope those who were waiting for this like it. I'm sorry it took so long but the folder where I had most of my drafts decided that it wanted to exist no longer and by the time I went through the seven stages of grief months had already passed by. BUT I AM BACK! Though, seriously, it took me like seven attempts to rewrite all of this so I'm sorry if it is sloppier than the first parts T-T I swear I tried. (Also forgive the sudden ending, this chapter was supposed to be conjoined with the next one but it became just too long).

I am not sure if this is bad news or good news but as I rewrote the drafts for the rest of this story I noticed some plot holes that I just couldn't bear leaving so... there would be like around three more parts (plus maybe some extra flashbacks... maybe); one of them I'll probably upload right after this one so, hope that makes up for the time.

But, whatever, hope whoever reads this ends up liking it. Feel free to provide advice, cause I know there's a lot of room for growth.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

INFJ spat blood on the floor one last time, her eyes throwing daggers at ENTJ as she was dragged out of the interrogation cell. The King remained as cool and collected as ever, but she could tell that behind that exterior he was irritated that he could not get anything out of her for today. It should have made her proud. She should have enjoyed it. 

She tried to enjoy it. 

But everything hurt too much. 

Pain. Pain is all she could feel at the moment. Her whole body ached and trembled. She somehow felt hot and cold at the same time. Breathing hurt. She could barely keep her eyes open, and even if she did the whole world kept spinning around her; she was completely sure that the only reason she hadn’t passed out yet was because of the fear of passing out in the same room as ENTJ. 

“Just spit one name- any name- out of those rats you have been working with, and you can put an end to this.” 

INFJ would love to say that she endured through it all with her head high, keeping her poise, mocking them as they tried to break her— but that would be a horrible lie. 

She screamed and begged and cried for what felt like hours. As much as it shamed her to admit it, there were moments where she considered giving them what they wanted so that the pain would stop. She may have fought through it today, but the temptations had been there, and now she didn’t know if she was more afraid of the pain that would come or of what she would do to stop it from coming. 

And she knew things would only get worse from here. This was only day one. 

She hoped her body would give up before things got worse. 

“You will wish that death would hurry up because he will make your existence nothing more than pain!” 

That’s what he had said, wasn’t it? 

The guards threw her in her cell, and every part of her body screamed as she hit the floor. They didn’t even bother to shackle her; it wasn’t like she could even attempt to escape. INFJ could hear them talking, and judging by their snickering they were mocking her, but she could not make out the exact words of what they were saying. Everything sounded blurred. Eventually their voices got quieter until she could hear them no longer; she was left alone. 

She didn’t get up from where she had landed. There was no energy left in her body to even try. She hadn’t had anything to eat nor drink since the day before— add on top of that blood loss and everything else. She was no better than a ragdoll in this state. 

“You will die!” 

She hoped it would be sooner than later. 

“He will make your existence nothing more than pain!” 

“I will get you out of here.” 

“I don’t have time to explain just yet” 

“Trust me, just once more.” 

Damn her head and its inability to just shut up. 

He had been there. He entered right after that bastard of a man. INFJ had expected him to pull out another act like he had done the night before, trying to convince her to talk by claiming he would save her, that he would spare her the pain only if she cooperated— that kind of bullshit. She had also expected him to do the opposite: to mock her, to taunt her like ENTJ did as the interrogation went on, that obnoxious smirk plastered on his lips. 

Yet he did neither; he just stood there, silent. He kept that emotionless expression from start to finish; as she first refused to talk, as she dared to speak up only to insult ENTJ, as she then insulted him, as she started screaming and eventually begging for it to stop; that cold demeanor remained. And for those agonizing moments where she ended up looking up at him unconsciously, seeking some kind of help, only for him to look away from her— she had hated him. 

‘Had’ being an important word. 

“Please do what I told you. Trust me, just once more.” 

Because there had been a moment when ENTP did meet her eyes. 

It had been just a few seconds, right after ENTJ had decided that it had been enough for one day. His whole faced remained as stoic as when he had first walked in, but his eyes— 

She knew those eyes. She tried to hate those eyes. 

But there was guilt. And there was sadness. And there was worry and fear. And there was rage. And there was pain. 

And she must be mad, or stupid, or biased, or hallucinating, but she could swear there was still love in there. 

She still felt loved when looking at him. As she lay bleeding and bruised because of him, after he had watched her getting tortured without intervening, after he had lied to her for months about everything; and she still felt loved when looking at him. 

How fucking bad did he mess her up? How messed up must someone be to feel like she did in her situation? 

ENTJ claimed he wanted to break her; little did he know that his henchman had already done all the work. 

It made no sense. Nothing made sense. The rational part of her told her that she was just imagining what she wished to see in him. INFJ needed to stop thinking about him; she needed to remain as focused and as sound as possible. 

Yet she could not take those eyes out of her head. 

She lay in that cold cell, eyes on the ceiling, fighting her own mind, trying to forget about everything. And everything included him. 

But as darkness grew closer, her surroundings quieted down, and the pain drifted away, memories of those eyes flooded her. 

She drowned in them as unconsciousness took over. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After hearing the door opening and closing, ENTP turned around fully expecting the smile that greeted him back. 

What he did not expect was the letter in her hand. 

Nor the blood in her clothes. 

He froze in place, “Oh, no. You didn’t-” 

INFJ smiled weakly as she tried to hold her side with her bare hands. “I did.” She collapsed against the door. 

His body acted automatically, while his mind spinned with a thousand different thoughts per second. He was by her side in the blink of an eye, examining the wound. Her face contorted in pain as he tried to inspect it. “What happened?” 

Her breathing was heavy and irregular, either by the effort of running or because of the wound; or both. It panicked him not knowing which one it was. “Went for the letter. Guards appeared when I was leaving.” A hiss escaped her as he started to tear pieces of fabric to get a better look from where all the blood was coming from. “They couldn’t see my face. They were too far. Yet,” She inhaled sharply, “one of them has good aim.” 

ENTP did his best to keep a cool head, but it was starting to get difficult; he could already feel the pandemonium of emotions starting to rise in his chest. But as INFJ laid bleeding on the floor, it was not the moment to focus on the mountain-size problem she just got both into. The wound didn’t seem too deep, but too much blood came out of it. Without thinking much about it, he ripped one of his shirt's sleeves to press against the wound to slow down the blood coming out. He had to take her somewhere to treat it quickly. “We have to go to the infirmary. Can you stand?” He asked, yet he was already starting to pick her up before she could answer. 

However, INFJ tensed and quickly pushed him away, holding the fabric pressed to her side “No, no no. You can’t take me there. The guards know they wounded me— that they wounded the spy. If I appear as me, simple governess, with a wound like this? They will connect the dots.” 

Fuck, she was right. “We have to go out of the castle then.” 

She shook her head, “No. Too risky.” 

“Well, what the fuck do you want me to do then?! Let you bleed in here? Wait and see if it fixes itself?” Fear was taking a hold on him. She was acting all calm, but blood kept coming out, color was draining from her face, and she was sweating despite the chill of the night. 

INFJ tried to stand but before he could stop her, she hissed again and fell back. “Shit.” It was obvious that she was in pain. He carefully picked her up from the ground. There were only two small benches and a table in the room. It was not comfortable, but he decided that table was the best option; it was at least better than the floor. He carefully helped her lay on it. Afterwards, she turned to look up at him, clearly— well, in pain— but also debating something in that head of hers. A moment passed before she gave a defeated sigh. “I need you to go to the infirmary.” 

He stared at her dumbfounded, “Do I look to you like the one who needs to go?!” 

“No- don’t be stupid.” She hissed, “You did some medical stuff when you were in the first rebellion, right?” Oh, right. He had told her about that. “I need you to go and bring the necessary things to treat this.” 

It felt like a punch in the gut every time he was reminded of the lies, he told her. INFJ knew he had participated in the first rebellion; however, she thought he had deserted before ENTJ took the throne. 

Thankfully— for her and for him— that part of him working as an improvised physician hadn’t exactly been a lie. He didn’t feel too enthusiastic about the idea though. He ran a hand over his face. “INFJ, this looks bad. I might know some stuff but-” 

Her breath hitched as another wave of pain washed through her. Through greeted teeth she answered, “It’s not as bad as it looks; believe me, I’ve seen worse.” That thought was not half as comforting as she thought it to be. “Besides, I know my stuff as well. Just go.” 

He wanted to argue more about it but honestly, he was just wasting time. Time that she didn’t have. He took a deep breath and nodded, “Hold your side. I’ll be right back.” 

He rushed to the door. He was almost gone when her voice made him stop in his tracks, “Wait!” 

He turned to look at her, looking for what was wrong.

'As if the hole in her midriff wasn’t obviously there.'

“Be careful, please. Don’t expose yourself too much.” 

But of course; she was the one bleeding out on the table, yet she was more worried about him. She frustrated him— yet he couldn’t deny the warmth that expanded in his chest because of her words. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be just fine.” He couldn’t say the same about her if he didn’t hurry up. He was about to close the door before saying “Don’t die while I’m gone. Understood?” 

She laughed, or at least attempted to. “I’ll try not to.” 

The second the door closed he ran towards the infirmary, praying for her to be fine when he came back. 

As ENTP opened the door the first sign that told him something was wrong was the silence. 

He almost dropped everything, fragile bottles included, as he ran to her side to be greeted by the second sign. A pool of blood had formed over the table. The piece of cloth was soaked. Her hand was barely able to apply any pression. She was pale, eyes closed, and she didn’t react to the sound of the door closing; for a second, he feared she had fallen unconscious. However, she seemed to be talking to herself and tapping the table with her free hand. He left the stuff on the table as gentle as he could possibly be while full panicking, and reached for her. As he touched her face, he cursed under his breath. 

Her skin was as cold as ice. 

She blinked her eyes open at the feeling of his touch, but even that seemed to be hard for her at the moment. “ENTP?” 

“You are freezing-” he announced, though it was more to himself. Quickly he started moving, getting all the equipment ready to treat the wound. Thankfully, the infirmary had been almost empty; not that anyone in the castle would stop him-- but considering the more recent events it was better than he would not have to deal with ENTJ at the moment. At least not until he had dealt with this. While he was reaching for a sedative she started dozing off again, “Hey- hey hey! Stay with me. I need you to be awake.” 

“I know." She answered with difficulty "That’s what I’ve been trying to do since you left- Though, if I’m honest I’m sure that for whatever you are going to do I would rather not.” 

He opened the bottle of sedative and put it on her lips, “Here. Drink this. It will help.” After one look, INFJ drank the content without questioning, before making a face. ENTP almost felt indignant as he pulled the empty bottle away. “What? Was the taste not of your liking?” he asked sarcastically. 

“No- I mean- I didn’t mean that.” She could barely shake her head. “Is just that if that what I think it is, is going to take a while to kick in and I’m sure you are not about to wait so-” she turned her head towards the table he had put the medical equipment on, “you might want to pass me one of those clean cloths to bite down.” She let her head fall back to its original position, eyes barely staying. 

He had not considered that at all. But she was right- they didn’t have time to wait. So, he apologetically complied with her request and removed the rag that was over her wound to begin to apply the antiseptic. “I don’t have to warn you; this will hurt.” 

She muffled a “I know” back. 

And he began. 

INFJ seemed light-headed; clearly from the blood loss, pain, and the sedative. As he worked on the stitches on her side, she watched him carefully, “Did you use to do this a lot? Cause you seem surprisingly good.” 

He tensed a bit but tried to hide it with a light chuckle. “I fought in the first rebellion, remember?” 

“Oh, right.” she uttered. 

“Are you used to getting stitches? Cause you seem too good at it.” He half-joked. 

The reply was a small snicker. “I’ve had a couple, yeah.” She exhaled heavily, “Though I have a feeling it has more to do with the sedative.” 

It was a small relief knowing that she was not in as much pain as before. While he finished the last ones, she barely flinched. On the other hand, she kept staring at him, in that way that made him feel that she was seeing through him. “Why did you turn your back on them?” 

ENTP pressed his lips, not daring to look away from what he was doing. He knew what she meant. “It was- it was not what I had hope for I guess.” 

She simply nodded at his answer. 

After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence— for him— he declared, "I'm done. You are all patch up.” standing up and backing away, perhaps a little too quickly. He was tense for everything that had happened in the last few hours; add to that a reminder to his mountain of lies— he would rather not be reminded of that right now. 

INFJ exhaled heavily again and winced a little. He frowned and pressed his lips. Maybe the dose of sedatives he had given her had not been enough, after all. He was about to mention it to her, but she cut him off. She smiled softly at him, “Thank you, ENTP.” 

He clicked his tongue, ignoring whatever his heart was attempting to do in his chest “I mean- I’m quite sure I just saved your life. I ain't sure if a ‘thank you’ is enough.” 

She almost laughed, but instead winced again as a result. The frown returned to his face; he definitely did not give her enough. However, her smile remained. “Tell me then, what would be enough.” 

He mirrored her smile, and his first idea was to annoy her a little.

Flirting had just become natural between them-- as a joke— much to his constant disappointment. Yet he could still manage to make her fluster if he really tried. 

But then another thought struck him, and his smile slipped from his lips. He looked down at his hands, still covered in her blood, as he tried to wipe it away with a cloth. “Not putting your life in a situation where it needs saving, maybe could do.” 

His words made her smile disappear too, yet she answered nothing. 

It felt a little hypocrite, if ENTP was honest. When he first started this whole thing, his sole goal was to end her—oh, how things have changed. He sometimes wished he could go back and never become involved with the spy hunting; it would have been better for her, and for him as well. Nonetheless, the damage was already done, and right now the only thing that kept her from ending hanged, or worse, was him. But if he was not careful enough, both of them would.

Somewhere in his head a whispered spread, 

‘For how long he would be able to juggle all of this?’ 

INFJ suddenly attempted to stand up; she obviously failed. He held her side to stabilize her “Woah, easy there. You need to lay down.” 

It seemed like she wanted to argue, yet the pain clearly beat her to it. INFJ allowed him to aid her lay back down in the table. Her eyebrows were still furrowed in pain or exhaustion, and her eyes looked like they were starting to get cloudy. Honestly, he wasn’t sure how she had remained conscious through everything, “I want to go to my chambers.” 

It was slightly amazing and slightly terrifying how she sounded so put together even when it was obvious that the sedative was the one speaking now. He softly moved her damped hair out of her face, “I’m sorry but right now that would be too risky.” 

“But I want to go.” she replied, barely a whisper “I don’t want to be alone here.” 

He didn’t have to think the answer twice, “I will stay, right here with you.” ENTJ and the batshit mess that was surely awaiting for him could still wait a little longer. ENTP grasped her hand; it was still too cold. “When you wake up, I’ll be here. Now, sleep.” 

She nodded, yet her eyes remained open. They went towards the ceiling and every few breaths she would close them for some seconds right before opening them again. She was fighting against sleep. 

He sat down and stared at her. There was an avalanche of emotions he was yet to deal with, but not right now. Simply, not right now. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” INFJ’s voice startled him. 

She was now staring at him. His frown deepened, “Look at you like what?” 

Her breathed had evened. It was not much, but it was a start. “You are looking at me as if you feel guilty.” 

ENTP had to suppress a wince “I-” 

“And sad;” she continued “and worried; and angry.” 

He laughed softly. If only she knew. “Anything else?” 

INFJ remained quiet, yet her eyes seemed to want to say something more. However, sleep finally won the battle and she dozed off. 

“You should be resting, you dumbass.” 

He had just returned from getting food and water. He obviously did not expect the girl he left to be already up and about. 

“How long was I out?” INFJ asked, completely ignoring his comment while looking for something around the room. She had changed into the clean clothes she brought for her, and something told him that what was consuming in the fire was not wood. 

He shook his head frustrated. “Did you at least change the bandages?” ENTP asked back while placing the food on the little table. 

“I did. How long was I out?” She still wouldn’t look at him; her search for whatever she was looking for seemed more important. 

ENTP tutted “A day and some hours. It will be dawn soon.” 

That finally caught her attention. She stared at him, blinked once, and her whole expression shifted to one of panic. “Shit.” She started walking towards the door. “Shit,shit,shit,shit-” 

“Hey. Hey, where are you going?” He grabbed her by the wrist to stop her. She must still be suffering from blood loss if she thought she could just walk out like this. 

Her eyes were wide with worry, “I was lost for more than a day. The guards wounded the spy, and I was lost for more than a day. ENTP, lady ESTJ- she for sure will know something is wrong. I have never missed a day with the kids unreported like this. She- she will know.” She started pulling her wrist attempting to set herself free, “I must go; I must be there before morning. The more time I stay, the more suspicious would be.” 

He tightened his grip on her wrist, “There’s no way you are going.” She pulled harder but he didn’t let go, “You are still wounded.” 

“Well, both of us are going to be dead if I don’t leave in this instant.” She retorted. 

He sighed. From her perspective sure, it made sense. She did not know that he had already solved most of the mess that her actions had caused. ENTP sent a letter to lady ESTJ pretending to be INFJ; he used the chilly weather as the perfect excuse for having gotten terrible flu. The responsible governess would never put the health of the noble’s children at risk like that, so she asked to be excused till the sickness passed. It wasn’t as solid as he would have liked it, but he doubted that anyone around the castle would be examining too closely the misadventures of a governess. 

Then he had to deal with ENTJ, who was furious at the spy stealing that specific letter. 

ENTJ and ENTP had done a deal when he first learned the identity of the spy. At first, it had been for selfish reasons; as he finally found out the spy’s identity, he realized that he could get more out of the situation if he didn’t hand the girl immediately to ENTJ’s hands. In the context of ENTJ’s court, power was necessary to ensure survival. Knowledge was power. And knowledge that no one else possessed? It was a fucking mine of gold he would not dare to waste. 

So, he gained the girl’s trust and convinced his commander that perhaps leaving the spy alive (for a while, at least) could be more useful. Obviously ENTJ understood his motifs behind wanting to keep the identity to himself, yet he allowed it on three conditions. 

No more sensitive information could fall into the insurgents' hands. 

He must recollect any crucial information he learned from them, and inform it immediately. 

When the girl is no longer useful, or any of the other conditions are broken, hand her at once. 

He had thought it would be easy. 

It was not. 

Especially when he started going out of his way to break the second rule about anything that would put her at risk, and as she continued to make the first one as hard as possible for him; the third was simply out of the table. 

He got things under control though (barely); all he needed to do was get back the letter the spy stole and give a fake letter to INFJ for her to deliver to her base. She wouldn’t know the content— the girl was almost dying, of course she didn’t have the time to read it— so things should go smoothly from here. 

All he had to do was lie. As he had been doing for too long now. “That’s already taken care of. Relax.” 

She froze in place and her brows furrowed “What do you mean?” 

“ESTJ might have received a letter stating that her governess had caught the flu, and she won’t be able to continue her duties till she gets better.” 

As she processed her words a smile slowly spread across her lips. “Huh.” She nodded approvingly. "I didn't know you could fake my writing."

He shrugged faking humility, “What can I say? I’m good, aren’t I?” 

She laughed “Oh, thank goodness.,” before exhaling and resting her forehead on his chest, relieved. He was too aware of the sudden contact, as well as of the fact that he was still holding her wrist, yet she didn’t seem to notice. For her it seemed almost natural; that didn’t help his situation. After breathing in one more time she retreated, “Well, that leaves only one thing in my plate.” 

‘Actually, getting better?’ He had wanted to ask; but he knew that would have been too hopeful. 

She started looking around the space once again, “Where did you put the letter? I have to get it to the base as soon as-” 

ENTP burst out laughing; it wasn’t a laugh of joy. “Tell me you are kidding me.” Her eyebrows furrowed again. “Are you trying to imply you can walk through the whole city to get to the base, in that state?” She was crazy if she thought she would make it even halfway.

He knew- he just knew that she wouldn’t even consider asking him to do it. The first months he started spying-- forgive the redundancy-- on the spy, she would constantly push him out of especific jobs or keep some information out of his reach. She wasn’t obvious about it, but he noticed how she danced around certain names or places. He used to believe it was because he didn’t trust him enough- or that she didn’t consider him capable enough. It drove him crazy. 

Now he knew better though. 

INFJ wouldn’t dare to let him deliver the lette, because if he were to be found with a letter like that in his possession, he would be dead before he could even realize what was happening. It was too incriminating, just like everything she had kept from him. He could tell it was her way of keeping him as apart from this mess as possible.

Or so she thought. 

She stuttered “I- I will manage. Don’t worry. Just-” 

He shook his head “You are nuts.” 

“ENTP, I’m being serious where-” 

He interrupted her, again. "I have a question for you. One that I actually wanted to ask since the moment you opened that damn door, all bloodied.” Staring at her, the fake smile he usually reserved for arguments made an appearance. “We had already discussed that letter. You told me that it seemed too risky for something we were not sure it was valuable.” He clicked his tongue. “I mean, it would literally mean walking into the lion’s den- ENTJ study. So why-” Despite his attempts at keeping his face under control, anger poured all over his words. INFJ wasn’t exactly known for changing her mind easily; she didn’t act without a plan beforehand. So, he knew better than to consider this incident as a reckless decision. “Why did you suddenly change your mind?” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Part 1: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢

Part 2: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢

Part 4: 𝔚𝔥𝔬 𝔴𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢

#MBTI #mbti types #mbti community #entp #entp personality #infj #infj personality #entp x infj #infj x entp #entj #angst #lovers to enemies #historical fiction #mbti story #mbti ff #the hell am I doing with my life? #hurt no comfort #enemies to lovers to enemies #hurt/comfort #fluff... a bit

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Gym Membership - Part 19 (Crosshair)

Summary: Crosshair thinks back to the reason he visits the hospital.

A/N: Hello lovelies,

Another part to Crosshair's story. I always want to let you guys know I will begin uploading the second story to the Razor Crest Ranch at the end of the month, I know I said four weeks. But I'm sorry, things got a little hectic lately.

Love oo.

Italics - flashback

Warnings: Anger, angst, mentions of medical procedures, coma, blaming someone for another's injury, grief, crying, fear, mentions of being shot at, kidnapped and blown up, I think that's it, if I miss anything please let me know.

AO3 Link   |   Words: 1,132   |   PREVIOUS - -> NEXT

Gym Membership Master List  |   Main Master List

“I thought you only came here Wednesdays and Sundays” Crosshair stated as he tried to ignore the woman beside him, when she didn’t answer his question. 

His voice grated on my nerves, I did my best to ignore him. Ever since he stepped into my sister’s life, he’d become an annoying presence. Having him sit beside me, with his ridiculous long legs stretched out in front of him, his lanky arms crossed and his breathing … ugh! How could a man be so infuriating? 

Crosshair shifted in his seat doing his best to ignore the woman beside him, he never liked her. She didn’t exactly leave the best impression, when he first met her. Granted, the situation was tenuous, their emotions were all over the place, and they both were extremely sensitive after the loss of sleep. Didn't help that he was already freaking out about Avery, the last thing he needed was her sister asking a million and one questions for which he didn't have answers. 

The noise on the tarmac, the orders being shouted out among the ground crew were all drowned out, as she walked up to Crosshair, anger clearly prevalent in her face at seeing him standing there.

“Your Crosshair?” She didn’t bother introducing herself, she just wanted answers. 

“Yes, ma’am”

Her fist clenched by her side, as she poked him in the chest, “Explain! Explain to me how you made it back under your own power? While my sister has to be carried out on a stretcher.” 

The woman whose face was tear stained, was standing her ground blocking his way as she stood watching the stretcher being loaded on to the ambulance from the aircraft. Cross wanted to say a whole lot, he wanted to tell her she wasn’t the only one in pain, that for now her sister was alive; but nothing came out of his mouth. He couldn’t even tell her why he was allowed to be by her sister’s side. No matter how hard he tried to open his mouth, it refused to listen to him. 

She wiped her face as she moved closer to the ambulance, her anger growing with each step she took. She turned to look at him, “Why are you even here? Just to make sure you can hand over your responsibility? Don’t worry, I’ve got her. You can go back and do whatever the hell you do.” She shook her head as she looked at him, “Avery would rave on and on about you, and I don’t understand…. I don’t understand how you … why are you here? Why isn’t she here standing where you are!”

Before Cross could answer, one of the medics walked over to the two of them, “Excuse me, Captain Crosshair, ma’am” he tipped his head towards the two of them, “Your wife is all set, Captain. They’ll be taking her straight to the Army Hospital, sir.”

“Thanks. We’ll be on our way.”

Her eyes widened as she looked back at him, “I’m sorry” she pointed to the medic “Did… did he just …” She took a deep shaky breath, “Did he just call her, your wife?”

Crosshair didn’t respond, Avery had wanted to tell her sister first, and he wasn’t going to rob her of that joy. Even if she was in a coma right now, when she woke up she was going to be excited to tell her sister everything. 

The anger and frustration building within her was clearly evident, it was like a volcano getting ready to erupt. She was done. Done with the lack of information she received from the Army. Done with the man who apparently had married her sister. She ran her hand through her hair letting out a frustrated choked sob.

“Fine. Don’t answer, but once Avery’s settled and we know what’s going on, you and I are going to sit and you’re going to tell me exactly what happened in detail, and once that’s done, you’re going to get the hell out of her life for good. Since you stepped into her life, she’s been shot at, kidnapped, and now she’s been blown up. She was a desk clerk! An analyst for … she NEVER went into the field before you came into her life!” 

Crosshair could still remember that moment as though it was yesterday, ever since that day they never really talked to each other. There was barely any acknowledgement of existence between the two of them, they just argued with each other whenever they did attempt to talk. The only time they agreed and were somewhat civil to each other was when it came to Avery’s medical procedures. 

His eyes focused on Avery’s face, all the tubes going in and coming out of her. The breathing tube that was currently keeping her alive. The various wires connected to her heart and brain, monitoring her every second. 

Once the doctors had been able to examine Avery, they were informed, the brain injury she sustained was severe. They needed to prepare themselves with the possibility that the chances of her waking up were slim.

In fact, the only thing keeping her going for the last year was the ventilator she was currently on. He wanted to let her go the moment they put her on it, he wanted to let her be at rest, but Avery’s sister, Layla, was not willing to let her go. He understood what she was feeling, but the truth was there wasn’t a chance she could wake up now. And even if, by some miracle she did, she’d never recover. She’d never be the same Avery, he got to know and love. Looking at her sleeping form, coming here week after week knowing there was nothing he could do for his wife was torturous. He had to admit however, he admired Layla’s determination and having faith Avery would wake up and come back to them. 

“Do you think she’ll ever wake up?”

Cross looked over to Layla, shocked by the fact she was actually speaking to him, but for the first time in years, there was doubt in her voice. Yet, he couldn’t actually acknowledge her question outright, “Oh, you’re speaking to me now?”

I put my book down on my lap, resisting the biggest eye roll I wanted to give him. How could he just irritate me so easily? I let out a sigh, as I turned and looked at him.

“Crosshair, could you please just answer the question, do you honestly think she’ll ever wake up?”

Crosshair turned in his chair, focusing on Layla’s face, he hadn’t noticed before, mainly because he avoided looking at her. But now that he was, he observed how puffy and slightly red her eyes were, the tip of her nose was flushed as well, like she’d been crying for a while. His eyes narrowed as he took in her form, her hand was clenched against her knee. Her face looked paler than usual. 

“Layla, what happened?”

AO3 Link   |   Words: 1,132   |   PREVIOUS - -> NEXT

Gym Membership Master List  |   Main Master List

@justanothersadperson93​ @liadamerondjarin​ @badbatch-simp24​ @spicymcnuggies​ @lady-ren​ @firstofficerwiggles​ @darkangel4121​ @discofern​ @kavecika​ @monako-jinn-stories​ @ladykatakuri​ @avathebestx​ @theroguesully​ @furyhellfire66​ @carodealmeida​ @ciramaris​ @sprout-fics​ @twinkofthedink​ @dindjarin-mandalorian​ @clonethirstingisreal

#the gym membership #gym membership #Gym Au #the bad batch hunter #the bad batch x reader #the bad batch echo #the bad batch #the bad batch crosshair #bad batch crosshair #crosshair x reader #clone trooper crosshair #crosshair #tbb crosshair #star wars echo #clone trooper echo #echo #bad batch tech #arc trooper echo #tbb echo #tech the bad batch #the bad batch tech #tech #the bad batch wrecker #bad batch wrecker #clone trooper wrecker #wrecker #tbb wrecker #bounty hunter #tbb hunter #hunter

[trashlie]

FP 224

First things first, if you read this episode when it initially dropped and had no music, please do yourself a favor and go back and reread it again. The music has been uploaded and it is BEAUTIFUL, just.... idk it’s a little haunting, a little playful, but a lot of melancholy! Please go re-read it with your sound on! 

To no one’s surprise, I cried a lot, again, and in the subsequent few times I’ve reread it, I keep crying LMAO ;~; The feelings, okay. We’re having a lot of them. I want to shout about so many things but first I gotta protect everyone from spoilers, so let’s go!

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. The absence of Nana thus far was glaring, but until she showed up, I didn’t realize how MUCH Nol - and even we as readers - needed her. Shinae does such a beautiful job of trying to nudge Nol to opening up and trying to talk about his problems, but one of the main issues is that, of course, she just doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand what Nol’s experience is, and doesn’t know just how deep the darkness goes. But Nana does. And she’s everything Nol needs in a guardian: someone who calls him out on his shit, someone who fiercely loves him, someone who can be honest with him, and someone who can apologize. 

This is, by far, the most they’ve ever talked about Nessa, and his surprise that the Lochlain’s had a strained relationship goes to show how little they’ve really talked about her (and how it’s so easy for him to believe that Nana could have been a paid actor). And now that we know about their strained past, it’s understandable why she doesn’t come up more than she has, how difficult it must be to talk about it. This is where I just sobbed and sobbed lol and like!!!! Even trying to write about it!!!!!! 

Nana was a single mother (confirmed on a patreon stream) so of course the last things he wanted was for Nessa to continue the cycle, to endure the same hardship. Of course from her view Rand was a terrible partner (if we can even call him that) given his circumstances (y’know, his marriage and living in a different country). Of course she would view this as a terrible idea, so it’s not a surprise that they argued and things left off in a bad way. But to know that there was never any reconciliation, that they never got to make any peace? That hurts SO MUCH. To know that Nessa spent the next years of her life raising Nol alone, with no family contact, before she decided to move to The United States of Asia (lol). There’s just so much grief for what could have been, what should have been, and what never got to be. 

It’s no wonder she loves Nol so fiercely, despite everything. Even if she didn’t approve of the way he was brought into this world, the circumstances surrounding his creation, she loves him so much. I think a lot about her line, that not all “mistakes” are terrible - that yes, perhaps Nol was a mistake, that he wasn’t planned, that he was an accident between a married man and his lover, but that doesn’t demean who he is, or make him lesser. She still welcomes and loves him. In a way, she’s his opportunity at a do-over. To Nana, she failed her daughter; she should have tried harder to find her, to get in touch, to make peace instead of be angry. We can assume, too, she was only so angry because she loved her daughter so much and she didn’t want her to go through what she did to raise her. And now they are each others’ only connection to her. 

It’s even worse that they live with this knowledge that she took her own life, that they have no reason to suspect otherwise. And frankly, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if finding out otherwise will reopen that wound? Nana has made her own kind of peace - she says Nessa didn’t strike her as the sort to do that, but that it shows we don’t always know what goes on inside someone’s head (does she wonder about Nol, about those darkest corners of his mind?) and in a way, she seems to understand how Nessa would arrive to the decision. She believes it’s something she could have talked her out of it, thus, like Nol, she carries her own burden of guilt, her own belief that by losing contact with her daughter and not trying hard enough to find her, she blew her only chance to save her, lost out on the opportunity to help her find comfort she needed. 

So how will they feel if/when they find out that it may not have been suicide at all, that it may have been drugs or murder staged as suicide? When you’ve made a sense of peace, what do you do with all this new grief, when you realize it’s not that she reached such a dark point, but instead, that a witch worked her dark, ugly magic (yes, I saw the How to Banish Witches book [but only after it was pointed out to me lmao])? 

Listen it just. It hurts lol it hurts a lot and it’s such a very real thing. Was Nana wrong for being upset with Nessa? Of course not. But unfortunately, none of them are fortune tellers, no one could see what future awaited Nessa should nothing change. There’s so many what if’s and what about’s and none of them matter because the future cannot change, the past has been set in stone, and if you dwell in a pool of what if’s too long, you will surely drown. 

Idk, the grief is just. So heavy. And we can see how, in their own ways, they both carry that weight of guilt, but only Nana seems to have found a way to live with t. In Nol she has the opportunity to redo what she failed to, to stay at his side and not let him run away. Even though he doesn’t open up, she knows his past, she knows his awful relationship with his father, she’s watched the way he isolates himself and how he refuses to open up. She knows enough to know that Nol needs her at his side, that he, too, is bound to leave and run away, and it’s her goal to try to stop him. And goddamn, I love her so much for it. I love her so much for her unconditional love of him, for how fiercely defensive she is, for how much she continues to love him even when she can tell he tries to fight it. Where would he be without her? ;~; 

Nana also paints us a pretty decent image of who Nessa was, not only in how she describes her, but her own personality. If Nessa was anything like Nana, and I imagine she must have been, she surely was tenacious and headstrong. Nana describes her as a good and honest woman, and while, sure, a mother would very likely talk only highly of her daughter and not describe her in negative ways, we can still see that from Nol, too. After all, he at least spent his formative years with her. He didn’t get his sense of goodness from nowhere. Even though he makes up justifications for why he’s done the things he has - like befriending people he could tell needed help, to put a little joy into their lives - it still stems from his own perceptions of the world, and what it takes to be a good person. After all, his efforts wouldn’t be penance if they didn’t have good intentions. 

I think this leaves us with enough to confirm what I’ve felt all along - that Rand and Nessa must have truly loved each other. Nana herself basically says that Nessa wouldn’t fall for someone so cold and stoic as the Rand we know, that she wasn’t chasing money, but instead she saw something no one else has ever seen. Rand is haunted by his mistakes - by his marriage to Yui, by who seems to be an accidental baby, by the loss of Nessa. While he obviously shut down long before her loss, as an effort to give Yui nothing to use against him, keeping his cool so she wouldn’t have the satisfaction of rankling him, I do think the part of Rand Nessa knew and loved died with her. There’s something so profoundly sad about how his two sons are affected by this - one who cannot reconcile with not being good enough, the other who simply believes that man never existed - and how the only person who has ever experienced him is gone. 

Not to get on our cycles and parallels, but I think Nessa was able to provide that comfort and safety to Rand, to give him a place where he could let down his walls. Even outside of his marriage, business is a harsh environment, with no room for a goofy clown. But I think away from all of that, in their own little bubble, Nessa was able to draw out that part of Rand, able to love and appreciate him for who he was. To some degree, it makes sense that he turned out this way. It stands to see yet if he met Nessa before or after his marriage, and how that alters my perception of events, but I do think it’s deeply sad that Rand found comfort where he wasn’t supposed to, that his choices haunt him the ways they do. I imagine when he entered his marriage with Yui, he had no idea how she would “turn on him” (I say this loosely because were they ever really on “the same side”?) and had no idea what a prison he was making for himself. Would he have chosen differently if he knew otherwise? Or would hubris have made him believe he could have endured it, that it was worth it for the fortune he’d amass? 

Again, what it’s don’t matter, though, because he made his choices and here we are with his incredibly broken (mentally AND now physically) son and the shared grief between a boy and his nana. 

When I tell you this shit HURTS me lmao ;A; 

But, speaking of family resemblances, I love that panel of Nana musing that maybe she should break Nol’s legs, because it reminded me SO MUCH of that panel in 219 where Nol was talking about mistreating the meat before it became a hamburger. Just. So much family resemblance in those moments! 

I could probably talk all night about how much this part of the episode hurt me but, frankly, it’s an episode full of pain so let’s get to it all ;~; lmao 

Sigh. Sweet, sweet Dieter ;A; As always, I am proven wrong lmao which is so funny to me somehow. Like, I continue to make guesses that are never right, but in some way, I really enjoy that. Although, well... 

I do think that yes, Dieter is very frustrated and upset about finally facing what I think he’s suspected all along, but I don’t think that’s the whole of it, if that makes sense? Like, of course he’s going to be upset, right? Even though he knew better, I’m sure he got his hopes up. Shinae wasn’t just spending time with him as a strictly platonic friend - the whole of their amusement park date, the hand-holding, the way she’s come to start relying on him, the way she was seeking comfort in him. He can’t help but hope it meant that maybe she was starting to like him the way he likes her. Even if he kept telling himself not to get his hopes up, that’s just the nature of feelings. We can’t kept control them, or else life would be so much smoother. And despite his hopes, I think at the back of his mind he knew. Remember when he was asking Minhyuk for tips on how to talk to Shinae, how to have that easy breezy kind of conversation she has with Nol. Dieter was picking up on their chemistry. When he and Soushi found her in the rain, the way he looked at her confirmed that he realized she was so much more torn up about this - not to downplay his own feelings at all, just that there was a reason she was so torn up, it affected her in a different way than it did him, because while Dieter also loves Nol, his feelings don’t border on something else like Shinae’s did. 

And in that painful (but honestly, I’m sorry, really hauntingly beautiful) panel of him waking up in the shadows, looking on and watching Shinae and Nol tuck their heads close while listening to the music from her phone, Dieter confirmed something he didn’t want to be true. 

And it DOES suck, it DOES hurt, he has every right to be upset about it. But I don’t think he’s upset AT Nol or Nol and Shinae. Not for that, at least. He knows just as well that you can’t control your feelings, because he was the one getting his hopes up after being rejected so cleanly. He was the one who couldn’t help but feel the sparks of hope when Shinae started to get to know him, to rely on him. And that’s what makes it hurt so much. Because she DOES. She says it herself - he’s always there for her, he’s so dependable and comforting, she has no problem seeking solace in him. The way she hugs him when he finds her in the waiting room - Shinae from before would never let anyone see such a vulnerable side of her, and certainly not face-on. But that’s the sum of it. He is the dependable friend, the comforting friend. When Shinae says she can always rely on him, we see Nol’s back - someone she hasn’t been able to rely on, and yet, he’s the one where her feelings have gone to. 

It’s not a diss to him by any means. Those ARE things to cherish in a friend, those are things that make someone special. But Dieter wants to be more than that, and it hurts to be relegated into that role. Shinae doesn’t mean to hurt him, either; I think she’s so deep in her feelings she doesn’t realize the way they affect others. There’s no room right now for her to pause and realize that maybe it hurts Dieter, to rely on him this way. That’s not to say I don’t think there’s room for that comfort in their friendship at all - it’s just that he’s going to need that space to heal, to confront his feelings and make peace. Nol noted before that Shiane doesn’t always realize how her words and actions affect Dieter, that even if he said he wanted to be friends, it didn’t mean those feelings had gone away. 

Something really interesting to me, actually, is how neither Shinae nor Dieter really address anything - but there’s a mutual understanding about something. Does Shinae realize that Dieter was awake? She must assume he knows something, because she immediately starts in about how stupid she feels about planning anything for Nol, that he’s so stubborn, so she must have some expectation that Dieter understands that Shinae left - and why she did. But it also feels like they’re dancing around it. There’s no acknowledgement that he overheard anything, that he has come to any realizations - and frankly I don’t think Shinae has come to any realizations herself. When she admits she does care, and she wishes that caring alone was enough, I don’t think she’s aware of the difference in how she cares vs how Dieter does. 

This is also the most we’ve ever seen this side of Dieter - the closed eyes of deceit, how serious he is, how frustrated he looks. Again, very understandably lol. I feel for him, I really do. Just because I ship what I ship doesn’t mean I don’t have a soft spot for them - and it really hurts! I think it’s ESPECIALLY painful because yes, he HAS gotten his hopes up, YES as he and Shinae grew closer he couldn’t help but become hopeful, but also HE ALSO LOVES NOL. That’s his friend, that’s someone who reached out to him when he was so alone and homesick. He understands what anyone would have seen in Yeonggi, and he understands why, even after Nol hurt them, Shinae can’t let go. Thus, he understands how she would fall for him. But I think what hurts even more is that it’s mutual - that even if he only saw them for that moment, if he went back to pretending to sleep, to trying to ignore them even as he had to sit and listen, he still saw in that moment that same tender intimacy we did. When you consider the version of Yeonggi Dieter has always known, he’s always been a little stand-off-ish, that as open and friendly as he comes across, there’s always been that distance. And to see this very different version of him, the two of them caught in this moment of closeness and shared space, of Nol closing the distance he so often keeps around him. If I were Dieter, I think I’d feel sick to my stomach lol just with the sheer ache of it. 

But I think what really has Dieter upset isn’t that he’s “just a friend” and it isn’t that his best friend seems to like the girl he likes and it’s mutual (we cannot forget the sting, that Nol has played wingman to Dieter from the get-go, that he sought every opportunity to help Shinae see something more in Dieter, that it was his every intention truly to draw them together), but rather, I think Dieter is upset about Nol hurting her. 

I was originally thinking last episode he was frustrated to see Nol back to the lies, but even Dieter saves face in this episode - and don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that’s part of it, but I think it’s a lot more like.... he knows how hard Shinae is trying. He’s been the one who watched her fall apart, the mess that she became, he’s the one whose been consoling her when Nol continued to ghost them when he wouldn’t offer any explanation. He watched Shinae after they found Nol and sent him off, and the way she, too, took off. How she orchestrated this entire birthday party for him. Dieter is SO aware of HOW MUCH Shinae cares about Nol, the way she reaches out over and over, even though the version of him Dieter knew was a stand-offish girl who kept her guard up high. And despite how much she cares, despite how much she’s reached out, despite how much she’s anguished, Nol still hurts her. 

Again, don’t get me wrong. I fully understand Nol, and I especially understand how his growing feelings for Shinae are even scarier for him because of his circumstances - because of not only his past but the truth that everything Nol cares about has been used against him. But Dieter doesn’t know any of this. He just knows that Shinae cares so much about him, and that Nol cannot (or will not) open up, that for whatever reason, he still pushes her (and them) away. And every time he does, it’s him cleaning up the mess, picking up the pieces, offering comfort that doesn’t really put an end to the pain. 

And especially now that Dieter’s hopes are dashed, especially now that he sees something that has been under his nose the whole time, it feels a little more bitter, to be the one cleaning up those messes. Shinae wasn’t there to hear Nol’s apology, but she deserves to. 

I do think Nol feels regret about what he did - I think he acted out of his need for safety, so I don’t fault for him for it. What I do fault him for is that he is, essentially, playing with Shinae’s feelings, even if he doesn’t men to. He opens up a little, he draws into her a little, but he can’t follow through. And that’s fine! I get it! But she doesn’t. The least he can do is apologize. She probably won’t really understand why he doesn’t want her to see him like this, why it’s so hard for him, and how his weaknesses have always been used against him. But the least he can do is apologize to her face. I think he probably didn’t expect her to leave, either, because when he finally takes off the mask and there’s no one there, he just seems... idk, defeated? Like he expected it but maybe he had hoped JUST A TINY BIT? When he’s playing with Shinae’s headband the entire time he’s talking to Nana, fidgeting with it and doesn’t even realize what he’s doing. When he hangs his head when Dieter returns and reassures him that she’s okay. I think Nol is aware that he’s crossed a different line - that he’s hurt her in a different way. And I can’t blame her, either. Again, she as enjoying that moment so much, and I can’t imagine how much it hurt to realize how alone she was in what she was feeling, how he said he didn’t want to look, didn’t need to.

And I think we can infer that he wasn’t being entirely truthful. He had a literal mask on lol. Of course he must’ve wanted to see, but he couldn’t find the way to explain to her it was that he didn’t want to be seen like this. It’s just such a tragic situation all around, because I fully understand and empathize with everyone. If it was easy, there wouldn’t be a story. 

But I can’t help but feel with the three day extension, we’ll see something come of it. Now, again, we know my predictions are rarely right lol, but IDEALLY I’d like to see Nol approach her this time, because he seems to feel some kind of remorse, and I think he acknowledges that Dieter is lying (on Shinae’s behalf) based on the way he hung his head and the sweatdrop. I don’t know if he’s in the headspace or the mental place that he could, but I’d like to see him reach out, if ONLY to apologize that he’s idk what??? too broken to let her see his pieces? Too afraid to be that open? That it’s something he is incapable of doing right now? I don’t think it would solve anything lol I just think he owes it to her, you know? And as much as she’s been the one to reach out to him over and over, I think he owes it to her do to the same, to reassure her that even though it’s difficult for him, she’s still important, it’s just something he needs to work on. I just.... given his circumstances idk if he’s up to it, you know? In his mind, isn’t it better to push her away, safer? Isn’t it better to hurt her a little than for something worse to come?

But at the same time, the emphasis on his feelings remains really heavy. Like, LMAO my guy LITERALLY thought of Shinae and her mouth and just flustered so hard even Nana caught on LMAOOOOOOOOO. When Dieter returned, he hid!!! the bandana AND YET he didn’t even say hey what’s up welcome back or anything just immediately asked him if he bumped into her like. LKAJFKJAFJK MY GUY. PLS. PLS BE MORE OBVIOUS HUH? It’s funny because they are both so concerned about her, and Nol at least has the decency to hang his head, to feel bad that he’s hurt her yet again, after everything she’s done. 

Also, again, I just find it so... funny? Maybe in a sardonic way, that Nol is hiding the bandana, acting like he didn’t have a disagreement with Shinae that caused her to leave, but still!!!! Acknowledges it! By asking if he bumped into her!!!! He’s trying to downplay it but in the same breath bringing it up. 

So, I just can’t help but feel like they will meet again within the three days. Considering this is now December 22, that time extends to Christmas, and like... idk lol IT JUST FEELS LIKE SOMETHING, RIGHT? I think it would be utterly depressing to end on this note, before he goes away, right? Especially with everything that transpired this night - does Nol really intend to undo everything, to ghost them? I know I am naively hopeful but.... it just feels like there’s some emphasis there?

Of course, people have pointed out that Shinae is surrounded by exit signs, so maybe she will make that choice, but idk, she seemed so resigned to stick with him, to find another way to get through to him, and with that reoccurring emphasis on his feelings (I AM SORRY, I CANNOT GET OVER HIM PICTURING HER AND BLUSHING OVER HER MOUTH LIKE he literally pushed her away and hurt her again and he’s STILL getting flustered over her, she is STILL making a mess of him and SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT) I wonder if we’ll get to see some kind of.... idk I don’t think they can fully resolve things but just leave on a better note? 

Alsonglthere’sthischeesypartofmethatislikegodwouldweactuallygetacheesychristmaskisswouldtheyreallykissbeforethetimeskipisthatpossible?! LKFJKAFJKAFJKAFJKAFJKAFJ LMAOOOO PLS i’m sorry I try to separate the shippy feels and my commentary BUT IT’S  JUST RIGHT THERE, ISN’T IT?! 

What I DO fully expect is a Nana and Shinae run-in, at long last. I feel like seeing Deter and Soushi leaving is so pointed, with Shinae remaining yet, and we’ve seen twice now Nana clocking his feelings. She knows that there’s another friend she hasn’t met, and she can probably tell based on that short exchange that something happened. Look, Nana is a headstrong woman and I think she’s done a great job of respecting Nol’s privacy, but if she goes out and finds Shinae, I won’t be surprised if she digs in a little, you know? I think, or maybe again this is just what I’d like to see, but I like the idea of Nana being aware that Nol is not an easy boy to be friends with. She knows how he walls himself off, how he shoves himself away. She especially knows that every time his birthday rolls around, he locks himself away, and this is the FIRST TIME he’s ever celebrated his birthday. If nothing else, I think Nana would like to say thank you, because it’s so hard to show Nol how much they care, because it’s so difficult to prove to him that their love is genuine. So many times she’s urged him to be with his friends, to spend time with people who care, so I think she would want to know the people who care so much about him as she does. It’s so hard to care about someone who pushes you away at every turn, but those kinds of people are important. 

I also think Nana would just like the kind of person Shinae is - how she’s someone who is so understanding and empathetic, and that even though she’s been hurt over and over, she still tries, she still cares. In the same way she needed a friend so persistent as Nol, he needs that, too, even if in a different way. I just feel like it would be so wonderful for Shinae’s efforts to be acknowledged, because again, it’s just so difficult, but all Nana has wanted is for him to be surrounded by people who care about him ;~; And even though Shinae has made up her mind and decided to stick with him, it would be reassuring to hear it from someone else who loves him and has struggled with being pushed away, who has had to pushback against his efforts to thwart her affection lol. 

Maybe it would be the encouragement Shinae needs, and maybe we’d get to see them make up before he leaves. I can hope, okay! I am nothing if full of pointless hope lmao ;~; I just want Nol to apologize! I don’t hope for too much more, because I understand what kind of place he’s in. But I just hope that the emphasis on his feelings is that realization that while he thinks it would be safer to push her away - does he REALLY want to? Does he really want to lose everything? He doesn’t know that Shinae has made up her mind to continue to get through to him, so the fear must exist at the back of his mind - that what if he pushes and one day she decides she’s had enough? Even if it’s what he thinks he wants, could he live with that? Could he bear to lose that? 

Something this arc has highlighted is just how much comfort Shinae brings to Nol, through how much she cares about him, through the ways she reaches out to him. Every time he tried to grow that distance between them, she reached out and he faltered. “That won’t stop me from caring.” In the end, he always caves. He always angles back to her, always returns to her. In the end, he continues to care, because of how much she has cared about him. 

Shinae showed him what it felt like to be noticed, to be cared about, to have someone reach out to him. Her persistence brought him a sense of peace he didn’t know possible. Before he realized why, he found himself letting his guard down - just a little. And I think he stands at that crossroad: that in his heart he feels like he should push her away and keep that distance, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to, because he wants to indulge in that. It scares him to care about her, because of the danger it puts her in, but I think likewise it scares him to push her away, and lose that. 

In this way, they are one and the same. After everything they went through, after all the ways they struggled together and she leaned on him, she doesn’t want to throw away those experiences. Even knowing that he had lied to her, even after feeling betrayal, even when he hurt her and tried to sever those ties, she still couldn’t bear to throw it away, would regret not trying, would regret letting him win. And I think that must be how he feels, too. How do you get a taste of that - of comfort and solace, of feeling those choppy waters calmed, of what it’s like to be cared about, for someone to make you feel special - and go back to what it was before? Doesn’t it hurt more, to have experienced that and have to turn away? 

It’s been such a short time, but their relationship is so profound. Anyone can see that. Dieter certainly does. I think Minhyuk is all too aware of it, even if he doesn’t understand it. I’m sure Nana is starting to get the sense of it, too. Can he really continue to turn his back, and to throw it all away to protect her? 

GODDDDD I TOLD YOU I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEEEELIIIIIIIIIIINGSSSSSSSSSS and I just feel like the three day extension Means Something. If not, he’d be going right to prison like he’s supposed to. Nana’s arrival, Shinae lingering, the freaking holidays approaching lmao IT MEANS SOMETHING!!!!!!!!

But before we get back to that aaahhhhhhh I’m so excited (and a little nervous) for Hansuke to run the tests he wants! I hope that this is a real friend he can trust, because LOOK his career is LITERALLY ont he line here, and I worry how many people Yui has in her pockets. It’s not just that Hansuke is running tests he was never given practice to do, but this is KOUSUKE HIRAHARA. Whatever they uncover could be HUGE news and if it was leaked back to Yui or they run their mouths..... ugh. I just feel nervous about this one and I’m dying for next week to roll around faster and see if I can put my nerves at ease. Hansuke is a sweet and trusting person, but because he knows how much rides on this, and how important this is to him, I hope that means this is a person who is safe. 

But there’s still the question of what do they do with whatever they find out? I have no doubts Yui is going to box Hansuke out, lest he be a reminder to Kousuke of what transpired that night, and also in effort to further make him reliant on her. And in that effort, I’m sure she’ll try to further play up what she started, paint Hansuke as seeing weakness in Kousuke, that he thinks something is wrong with him and that it doesn’t come from a good place. If Hansuke were to tell him the truth, would Kousuke even be able to see it for what it is, or fall for his mother’s set up and think Hansuke is trying to undermine him? How can they get through to Kousuke when Yui has such a tight hold on him? That’s the issue. 

I guess there’s an angle that if they do discover that Kousuke’s being drugged, is there a way they can expose it? But I can’t come up with any clever ideas, here. Supposing he’s being drugged, how do you cut him off? And even if you do, would he see the difference in himself? I doubt it - the entirety of the Christmas party we watched Kousuke spiral more and more as his paranoia was heightened, and I don’t think it changed that much. But I like to hope that whatever they discover, they CAN use it to help him - or at least start. Because just as with Nol, this isn’t something that can change over night, and Kousuke, too, needs someone at his side who is persistent in their efforts to reach them and get through. Hansuke is the ONLY person who really has Kousuke’s well-being in mind (let’s not pretend that Yujing cares that much; I’m sure she’s still into this for the scoop, for how it will play into her story. She has a journalistic dedication to the truth, after all). 

Every episode is just so FULL, there’s always so much to get into, so many feelings to dissect. I haven’t even touched on the continued insinuation that Rand might have a heart attack (although I do wonder if it was just a simple call back to Rand telling Nol he’s going to give him a heart attack, thus he’s so surprised~ it hasn’t happened). That one just..... ugh stresses me out because as shitty a father as Rand has been, without closure, it would be terrible for him to go, for Nol AND Kousuke. But also, Nol has already lost his mom, there’s already worry that he’ll lose Nana, he can’t lose all his living relatives, that’s just so depressing and dark (though what an interesting parallel to Rand who was an orphan himself and had no family). I just... I can’t fathom that one. I have to hope that if Rand does have a heart attack, it won’t be fatal, because Nol already carries the burden of guilt towards one parent, he can’t bear the weight of another one! 

(I also found the callback of Nana talking about breaking Nol’s legs back to Shinae saying something similar back in the day lol. Again, I can’t help but think they will get along SO well and that Nana will love her. Shinae, like Nana described Nessa, is also a really good and honest woman, with so much love and empathy, so spunky and tenacious. I’m not a huge fan of the “Nol is drawn to Shinae because she reminds him of his mother” theories because yelch especially as we see Nol’s feelings for Shinae developing, but I do like the idea that Shinae is the kind of girl Nana would be fond of, that she has the traits she tried to instill in her own daughter, and into Nol. That her goodness and pluckiness would stand out as something so special. We love strong, tenacious women!!!!!!!) 

Other things people have pointed out is how much orange is pervasive in this episode, but as we know, that’s not really my realm lmao. I just enjoy what others say about color and its use, and try to nod along lol. 

At any rate, this episode absolutely broke my heart in a number of ways, but that sense of hope just remains weirdly persistent, whether it’s just because i am a hopeful person who desperately wants it or because that sense of hope is really there, we’ll have to see next week. I just... idk I can’t help but feel like Nol’s three-day extension will be a benefit to them, that we were all set to think that their one step forward three steps back is how they’d go off. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes, and I feel like this might be one of those cases - expecting them to part on such sad terms and surprise, that might not be? 

AAAHHHHHHHHH WE’LL SEEEEEEE ;A; 

Also, hey, if you want to further rip your heart out: on Patreon, Quimchee posted this song as a song she’s had on repeat while working on this episode and initially I’d thought it might be Stalkyoo-related (the whole let you break my heart again) but in retrospect and after talking to @bittrbuttr it definitely feels like Dieter and ;~; MAN THAT HURTS ;~; SOME DAY YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE WHO LIKES YOU AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE HER, DIETER, I PROMISE ;~; YOU’RE A GOOD BEAN AND ONE DAY SOMEONE WILL SEE IT ;~; AAaaaahhhhhhh 

ALSO ONE LAST SILLY THOUGHT: I love how Nana also called him Nolan Oliver T. Lochlain? LIKE? DIDN’T SAY WHAT THE T IS. HE DIDN’T SAY WHAT THE T IS. WHAT IS THE T?! WHY DOES NO ONE SAY IT?! LMAO 

#I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #Shinae Yoo #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochain #Dieter Becker-Wulff #Nana #(Nana Lochlain? lol) #(I'm trying to remember her naaaaaaaame) #Shieter #Stalkyoo #Aegi #WE'RE DISCUSSING THE SHIPS I AM SORRY IT WAS A NECESSITY AFLJKAFJKFJKFJKFJKJF #god there are so many feelings lmao #without spoiling my god i cried so much ljaljafkakfjafjkafjkafjafj #I JUST KEEP CRYING this arc has been incredible okay #also i know i say this every time but THIS POST FEELS EXTRA LONG like #it feels even longer than usual but idk? but if it is I'M SO SORRY LMAO #like i said i just had FEELINGS and THOUGHTS #and all i can do is shout them into the void for anyone who wants to hear them afljafkjafkjafkjfafa #if you make it all the way through this post MAJOR KUDOS LMAO #now i gotta psyche myself up to answer asks but i'm out of steam for tonight LMAOOOOOOOOOO #Eleanor Lochlain #ILY Commentary

[practically-an-x-man]

6, 22, 23, 30, 35, 48 for the fanfic asks?

Thank you!!

Fanfiction Writing Asks

6. What’s the last line you wrote?

From what should be the last chapter of A Love Once New, once I actually get it written up:

“Eh. I was fourteen. Heard it had alcohol in it.” he said, “Doesn’t get you drunk, though, just gets you sick as all hell. Without the healing factor I’da probably gone to the hospital.”

(he's talking about vanilla extract lol)

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

If it's a oneshot, it's usually after I've finished writing it. For a longfic, I'll usually write the first 3 chapters before I start posting it, and I come up with the title just before posting it. I'm not great with titles (though I'm trying to get better) so I don't really have a system - unless I'm going with song titles, which I do with a couple of my fics - and I just try to come up with whatever I can to get it posted lol

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

The middle is usually the easiest, once I get rolling into the plot and can actually start writing the scenes I want to write. The ending is the hardest, partially because there's always more scenes I could write and it's hard to know when to end it, and partially because I struggle to pace out an ending without it either dragging on or feeling choppy.

30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

I usually edit as I write - I start each writing session by rereading what I've already written and making tweaks. Then I give it one final scan as I'm getting it uploaded to AO3/tumblr (mostly bc I have to manually input my italics and things into AO3).

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

Aw man, I love them all for different reasons!! I think Desert Song has some of the most unique character interactions, and I think Quinn is one of my most dynamic OCs. Taking Flight and WWFA? have some of my best stylistic writing, especially with the descriptions of magic. Heartstrings also has really fun emotional descriptions and character interactions, and some of my favorite dialogue. Smoke and Mirrors is about recovery and finding home, and I still adore its friends-to-lovers arc. Bolts and Blasters is a really fun slowburn and has strong themes of expectation vs. choice. Catch and Release deals with grief, and has some of the best fight scenes I've ever written. Eris' fics are fun because of their dynamic with Rick, and Nikoletta's I love because of the themes of physical and emotional healing.

That probably just sounds like I'm bragging on myself, and maybe I am a little, but I really do set out for something different in each of my fics and I think I strike on different strengths with every single one. I really can't choose!

48. Who is your favorite character to write for?  Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom?

Agh man, this one is also impossible to choose between!! One of my favorite things in writing is character analysis and exploring different dynamics, so I love these characters all for different reasons too! I could ramble on again like I did in the last question, because I really do have something to love about every character I write for...

But for the sake of making a choice, I'll say this: Quinn is the most fun OC to write since she's such a total wild card, and Warren/Angel will always be my number one canon character to write for because he has such an interesting story and a lot of emotional depth to explore. Abner Krill has also become a recent favorite, since he's also got a lot of emotional trauma and depth to explore.

#my friends!!! #answered asks #ask game

[the-black-mage-of-phantasm]

Envenomation: a Sucy Manbavaran fanfic

Art by the wonderful Pili BlueBerry on Instagram!

Ao3 Link to Story, FFN Link to Story

Summary: Sucy Manbavaran wasn’t the most “open” person. Aloof most of the time, sarcastic the rest, and always sadistic, she knew a lot of people thought she was nothing but the scariest witch in the room, and she was more than happy to let them think so. But even witches like her had fears. Ones she never liked to think about, and ones that gave her nightmares that had become far, far too real.

Current Chapters: 5

Current Length: 67,092 words

Updates Monthly. Next update, January 2nd, 2024

Hello there! It’s been about four months since I promised to update this story. And it’s been just as long any story for that matter. Yeesh.

So, to give a TL;DR about why I’ve been gone and what took this chapter so long: my mom got into a car accident on like day before I was going to upload this, and while she was fine, dealing with insurance to cover the accident has been a nightmare. I had to take more shifts at my job and work more hours to cover the bills while dealing with them, but, eventually, I got them to fork over the money.

After like three months of that, I started editing the draft for this chapter, and there were certain things I didn’t like, and certain plot points I wanted to change, which led to a massive rehaul of certain scenes here. And then like in the second week of  November, I got a really bad flu (surprisingly not COVID) that left me feeling like crap for the rest of the month, especially since I couldn’t take that many days of work, so I had to work while sick.

And this was all on top of dealing with the fact that the one year anniversary of my best friends death came and went, reminding me she isn't hear, and dealing with all the grief that brings.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to these last few months.  And yes, that was the summarized version.

I’m really sorry for the delay. And I’m afraid I have some more bad news: because of how busy I’ve gotten at my job, I’m gonna have to move this story to a monthly release. Sorry, but I don’t want to sacrifice the quality of this story by giving out incomplete works just to meet a deadline that I can push back.

But anyway, I do hope this chapter was worth the wait. It’s quite long (over 21,000 words, the longest chapter to date!), and there was a lot of talking here, but trust me when I say there were certain moments here that heavily foreshadow key plot points for later down the line. Also, I did my best to make the dialogue, especially between the red team and Ursula, feel authentic to them as characters,  as well as doing the emotional moments here justice, and I hope that it made for an enjoyable read. And now, I’m gonna work on the next chapter and try to get it out by January 2nd!

And with that, these notes come to a close. Don't hesitate to tell me what you liked and/or didn't like about this chapter!

#little witch academia #lwa #sucy manbavaran #lotte jansson #akko kagari #lwa jp #diana cavendish #envenomationlwa #lwa fanfic

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Whomst Rambles, KinnPorsche edition: A Bittersweet Farewell in Episode 10

I haven’t uploaded my KinnPorsche memes in two weeks due to reasons but can I just say that the turnaround on Big has been *chefs kiss* and I wanted to give him a send off to show my appreciation for this incredibly clever and painful redemption plot twist.

So. Was he an asshole sometimes? Yep, most of the people on this show kinda are since it’s, you know, the mafia. But the thing is—and it’s something this show does well—we only have snippets of Big, incomplete knowledge. It’s impossible to put him on a pedestal or trash him, no matter how you slice it, and we the audience only experience the change of heart at the same pace as Porsche does, which makes it all the more shocking. The show and the actor successfully set Big up for the audience to initially judge and dislike him, just as Porsche does, to be such a flat character that we can project blame onto, as someone who did in fact do some shitty stuff in the short time/moments we encountered him, absolutely fulfilling our expectations of him for much of the time. But his character is complicated at the eleventh hour by the nature of his sudden death, which indirectly changes everything and speaks to the show’s deeper messages.

As a bodyguard, Big is undoubtedly accustomed to making split-second decisions—but the major choices we see him make, the two times he decides to put his life on the line, are both informed by something no mafia enemy would have been able to anticipate: devoted love, unrequited but powerful. In his last scene, he dies to save Porsche. And importantly, it’s not because he thinks it’s the best thing to do morally or strategically but because it’s the best thing to do for Kinn. For the man he loves.

I tip my cap to KinnPorsche—because in the time Porsche (and the audience) knows Big, he’s not actually nice, he’s suspicious and jealous of Porsche, and he can be a total ass sometimes, but in his last moments we also see that at his core, he’s just a guy who’s in love with someone he knows doesn’t love him back, who is guided by love to do something that is good and noble.

Porsche is as surprised as we are, and in his response we see this confused grief, because maybe this guy would never have been his friend, maybe the two of them would never have gotten along, but maybe this guy was, despite or in addition to all of that, a better man than he thought, and in one very specific regard they are exactly alike. Porsche is the only person in the world who can fully appreciate Big’s desire to protect Kinn’s heart (pls let him not just fully forget about this).

That is the tragedy of Big’s character—imagine the shock of recognizing your own feelings and instincts in the same guy who beat the shit out of you, and realizing at the same time that you will never know or understand more about him beyond this. It’s the lost potential, the important conversations that will never happen, a young man dying bravely at the hands of people who killed him during the breakdown of some stupid, spiteful, senseless scheme against Kinn. It’s almost poetic that in his last moments, Big faces off against Tawan, because the sacrifice he makes for love is something Tawan wouldn’t be able to anticipate or understand. Neither of them are Kinn’s true love, but one of their fundamental differences is that Big acts out of love while Tawan acts out of hate. And this show was already a love story, but thanks to this we see other different forms love can take, as something that has the potential to be bitter, pained, warped, destroyed, or—here—something noble and selfless.

Amid all of the chaos, this show is about trust, communication, and learning to see people for who they really are, and in a period of a few seconds, Porsche and the audience finally see past Big’s mistrust of Porsche and all their arguments to Big’s best, truest self. It’s a strange irony that he is such a sidelined character who incidentally is at the center of KinnPorsche: the reason Porsche meets Kinn is because Big sacrifices himself to give Kinn the chance to get away and run down that alley, and his very last act is to do his best to save his boss’s boyfriend, preserving the couple’s future. For whatever else he did in his life, we know that at two key moments where other characters showed duplicity and hate, he chose love and devotion, and changed the narrative fundamentally. Pour one out for Big.

#kinnporsche the series #rip big #you deserved better #KinnPorsche #KinnPorsche ep 10 #KinnPorsche spoilers

[hils79]

Hils Watches Oh No! Here Comes Trouble - Ep 2

A few people have told me how excited they are that I'm watching it and telling me how good it is. I remain a little confused about what's going on but maybe things will become clearer in this episode.

I love that they keep making it look like something spooky is happening only for it to be a fake out. Except there also is something spooky happening because the last episode ended with what looked like a zombie

The most zoomer thing. Dude bumps into her and gets blood on her shirt. Gotta take a selfie and upload it with some nihilistic poetry

This is so fascinating. Everyone using social media to track the dude.

Okay obviously I have no idea but I am going to hazard a guess that this sole fan of Pu Yiyong's comic is the kid he bullied in school. They have to be connected somehow, right?

Of course he's going to get a job writing passages for the family of a loved one who passed away. And that will help him deal with his own grief over losing his dad. I don't know what I was expecting from this drama but it definitely wasn't this.

Poingnant scene about processing grief immediately followed by Pu Yiyong fainting as soon as he sees a zombie. Which is understandable I suppose but they are definitely playing it as comedy.

Wait is this going to be a buddy zombie drama?

Apparently zombies have no concept of personal space

This has nothing to do with the drama but I just hit pause to take a bite of my sandwich and 😂

Now they're going to solve his death together. Okay this is fun.

Uh....I kind of ship them?

You can't leave him at the spot where he died like a sad abandoned puppy

Look he's even doing the sad puppy head tilt

Oooooh! Interesting! I was wondering how the cop was going to fit into it. She saved Pu Yiyong's life by giving him CPR at the bus acceident site. But also I think she thinks he killed the zombie dude.

Can you imagine? Hi, yes, I woke up to find this zombie dude in my bedroom

Her: Shit if there's no body we can't prove that he killed this guy Him: Shit if there's no body that just makes me look even more sus

This is so fun

I'm not sure going straight back to the scene after you got released is the best idea

I thought for a second she wasn't going to be able to see zombie dude and just assume Pu Yiyong was lying. I forgot that zombie dude was on all those cameras and bumped into people.

I kind of want to hug him

I love everyone fainting when they see him for the first time. I feel like that's a normal reaction.

Pu Yiyong: Here is a cop, here is the victim who just happens to be the walking dead. No need for me to be involved anymore. Okay, bye.

Ah hah! So he's not a zombie he just possessed the body.

I regret looking that up

Look at them working together to solve crime. I mean his mum did say she didn't mind what he did with his life so long as it wasn't illegal and this is basically the opposite of illegal

Yeah, I am 100% on board with this now that we've got beyond all the setup. This was such a fun episode.

#hils watches #hils watches oh no! here comes trouble #hils watches twdramas #oh no! here comes trouble #twdrama

[kittyt-hexxed]

Grayson's True Prodigy (Sevika x POC!Reader) - Ch.9

Masterlist

Next Upload Date: February 20th

Act 1: Chapter Nine - A New Beginning

Warnings: Funeral, Grief, Anger, Running Away, Keeping up appearances, Waking up in hospital, Loss of limb (Sevika), Loss of Eye (Mylo)

Summary: It’s time for Grayson’s funeral, and Sevika wakes up to two new revelations.

You stayed up the night before the funeral double-checking the things you packed. You made sure that things were securely wrapped like your little wooden dragon and sundial compass. Cardin had slipped you a note saying that they would be leaving immediately after the funeral. Knowing the way that the Hiranas travel, they would be taking the private boat back to Ionia that Orum captains. You could slip away during the chaos of the midday rush and no one would know any better.

A few hours before dawn, you light a dozen candles and start to get ready for the funeral. You take a seat at your desk and delicately braid your hair before wrapping it up into a bun. You pick up your staff in its hairpin form and use it to keep your hair up. You take a moment to stare at yourself in the mirror. The earrings in your ears glitter happily as you put all of them in. ‘If it wasn’t for the hair, no one would be able to tell that I belong to the Kiramman Clan. I wonder how I would look with my natural hair.’ You think before taking down your robes.

Your robes for the occasion are white with red oak leaves as decoration around the hemlines. You can’t help the tears that well up in your eyes as you observe it. ‘Mama loved the red oaks that surrounded the monastery. That’s why red was her favorite color.’ You smile sadly and slip into the robe. The sash was a beautiful red and white ombré that brought the whole thing together. Your heart aches as you wish that she could see you in this. ‘I need to control my emotions today or I’ll ruin the funeral. Water won’t help with the fire.’

With how slow you went, by the time you finished getting ready, it was time to leave. You smooth out your robes one last time and nod in approval. ‘Not a single hair is out of place and my sash is tied perfectly. It only took me ten tries to learn how to do it.’

“Y/n!” Grayson laughs as she struggles to tie your sash around your waist, “Y/n, hold still!” You giggle and continue to move around so she can’t tie it.

“You’re the one who said I tied it wrong, so you have to struggle to fix it!” You joke and she lightly flicks your nose. You yelp and stop moving as a result, giving her the moment she needs to tie it. You pout as she grins in victory.

You weren’t looking forward to being in front of so many people, but you wouldn’t let that hold you back.

“Miss Kiramman?” A knock sounds at your door, “There is a young gentleman outside who says that he’s here to escort you to the funeral.” You shake your head fondly and open the door. The family butler, who you still haven’t learned the name of, motions to the hallway.

“Thank you, I’ll be down in a moment. Have my parents left for the funeral yet?” You question him.

“No, miss. They will not be departing for another thirty minutes. Would you like for me to inform them that you’ve left earlier?” Your butler tilts his head.

“Yes, thank you.” You nod before stepping back into your room. You wait for a few minutes to pass by before grabbing your bag, tossing it over your shoulder, and taking a deep breath. You give one last look around your room and nod to yourself. ‘Everything is neatly put away and my note is somewhere noticeable. Once they come looking for me, they’ll think that I’ve taken a ship to Demacia. No one here will know where I’ve gone.’ You head out of the room and carefully make your way to the front door. You knew the best direction to go to avoid being seen by any staff. It would be questionable if they saw you with your travel bag.

With one last glance around, you open the front doors and slip out. Cardin smirks when he sees you and holds out a hand for the bag. You toss it at him and start heading for the gate without hesitation. Once you’re through, you wink at Cardin and he vanishes in the direction of the docks. You spend some time thinking about the past few days as you walk by yourself. Your mother really showed her true colors when she came knocking on your door.

“Y/n, this is ridiculous! You will come down to the dining room for your meals. I understand that this is a tough time for the family but you must come down. It’s not polite or ladylike to refuse to come out of your room.” Your mother scolds you, “Your sister has shown up for her meals. Do you want her to eat alone?” The bitterness that curled in your chest made you laugh sardonically into your pillow. ‘For the family. Caitlyn. Nothing is ever about me. I can’t even grieve without being ridiculed.’

“May I offer you my sword as a companion?” Cardin inquires as he comes up beside you. ‘Ionians are raised differently.’ You chuckle to yourself. You appreciate the sentiment of his words. It was his way of asking if you’d like to be vulnerable with him.

“I would like that.” You playfully bump shoulders with him.

“The Great Gray Lion was a fierce warrior. Her presence will be missed by hundreds.” Cardin comforts you.

“A hundred cannot compare to the grief in my heart, Cardin.” You say softly, “Mama was more than the stories tell of her, and I will make sure that she is entombed in history.”

You turn onto the street the cemetery is connected to and pause at the large crowd of people waiting outside. A squad of Enforcers was keeping people held back as the workers walked in and out of the gates. ‘The public knows that my sister and I were always around her. They’ll swarm me if I’m not careful.’ Cardin nudges you and holds his arm out as his hand rests on the hilt of his sword. You suddenly realize why Cardin was sent to escort you here and you sigh in relief. You grip his arm and let him take the lead so you were slightly covered by his figure. ‘It’ll be like this all morning until I’m safely on the boat to Ionia. People will try to come up to me and talk or reporters will try to get some kind of inside story.’

As you get closer to the cemetery, the crowd of people notices you approaching and you nervously step closer to Cardin, “Be prepared.” You whisper to him.

“I’m insulted you think I’m not already, Miss Hirana.” Cardin playfully drawls quietly. You giggle at his words and take a deep breath. ‘Head up, shoulders back, stand tall, and don’t let them know how nervous you actually are.’ You remind yourself of your speech lessons.

“Miss Kiramman!”

“Miss Kiramman, can we have a word with you?!”

“Who’s that young man with you?!”

“Miss Kiramman, what are you wearing?!”

“Miss Kiramman!”

“Miss Kiramman!”

“Miss Kiramman, where’s your family?!” They call out to you over and over again as you’re hurriedly guided into the cemetery. Enforcers rush to the blockade to hold the crowd back and they close the gates behind you. You let out the breath that you were holding and relax your posture. You lift your head and gaze around the cemetery, feeling your heart clench when you see the area they designated for your mama. The imagery took your breath away and caused tears to well up in your eyes. A wooden pyre had been formed with dozens of flowers decorating the base of it. Your eyes linger on the wrapped body covered up by flowers and you frown. You let go of Cardin’s arm and move closer to the flowers to pour a bit of magic into them. You smile in satisfaction as they brighten up and straighten out. ‘We can’t send mama off with dying flowers.’

“What kind of flowers are they?” Cardin asks.

“Pink hydrangeas, white carnations, and red spider lilies.” You point them out.

“We call them death lilies.” Marcus approaches you, “It’s bad luck to find them at graves.” He says as he stops in front of you.

“Deputy Marcus.” You nod at him, a bit of annoyance rising.

“In Ionia, they’re seen as a blessing. We weave them around the pyres so that the deceased may be guided through the afterlife.” Master Jess informs Marcus, “Don’t you find cultures wonderful?” She places her hand on your shoulder and smiles at you.

“Yes, Master Jess.” You agree with her, “How have preparations been going?”

“Everything is in place, sweet girl.” Master Jess smooths your hair, “Let me get a look at you.” She steps back and you slowly turn around for her.

“You’ve tied your sash properly!” Master Haruli playfully gasps as she throws her arms around you, “Now who would have thought that’s possible?” She jokes. You giggle as she picks you up in a hug.

“Deputy Marcus.” Master Teylin’s voice sounds from behind you, “The rest of the attendees are on their way, if you’d please make sure they can get in safely.” She subtly orders him. Marcus nods with a glance at you before he heads for the gate. You turn and find yourself looking at your grandmothers along with June and Zenita, who are all dressed in white robes. You take a moment to observe them, the way they interact with each other and carry themselves. At first glance, you couldn’t tell that they were grieving until you looked closer. They were all wearing something that symbolized or came from Grayson. Your aunt and uncle come over to you with their arms outstretched. For some reason, this is what makes the tears fall. You hug them and they hold you tightly.

“This is the first time we're meeting as family.” June whispers, “I wish we met before this.”

“June is right, my niece, but I hope you’ll allow for us to bond anyway.” Zenita says, brushing her silver hair over her shoulder.

“I wouldn’t deny you that.” You wipe away your tears, “Especially after…” You trail off and glance at the pyre. You swallow thickly, your good mood quickly turning sour. As if sensing your mood change, June gives you a squeeze.

“You’re to sit with us.” June slowly guides you to a small group of seats to the left of the pyre, “Even if they don’t know you’re real family, you were the closest to her. Let them whisper all they want.” You sit down and take a moment to steady yourself. ‘Remember, control your emotions or it’s going to be a downpour.’ You remind yourself as people are allowed in through the gates. Most people go straight to their seats but some approach the pyre to leave flowers or small gifts. You catch sight of your family but Cardin steps in your line of sight before they can notice you. You give him a questioning glance and he points to the reporters who have come into the cemetery. You frown but nod in understanding. You turn your gaze back to the pyre and stare blankly at it. If you thought too much about what was to come, you’d burst into tears.

You blink and the next thing you know, you’re being yanked out of your chair and pressed against Cardin’s chest. You hear the soft snick of his katana being drawn and shocked exclamations coming from the crowd. You look up at him but his eyes are trained on someone behind you.

“Back away!” Cardin growls coldly, “You’re not to disturb Miss Kiramman.”

“I-I just want to ask her a question!” Comes a very nervous-sounding voice, but it’s not familiar to you. You wanted to see what was going on, but your position didn’t allow you to. ‘Imagine if I had come with my family. I wouldn’t have made it through the gates.’

“She is in mourning, and will not be answering any questions.” Cardin hisses, “Now step back or you’ll learn why I’m her guard for the event.” There’s a tense moment before Cardin releases you from his grasp and you straighten out your robe. You glance around to see the majority of the people looking in your direction, including your family. Cardin sheaths his sword and gives you a concerned look-over.

“He didn’t touch you, did he?” Cardin frowns.

“No. Thank you.” You pat him on the shoulder and he nods at you. The bell chimes signaling the start of the ceremony and everyone takes their seats except for Councilor Heimerdinger who takes his position at the front.

“Thank you to everyone who has come to commemorate our beloved Sheriff, Grayson. As a cadet in the Academy, her professors said that she shined brighter than her peers. Grayson completed her projects with a drive of someone who wanted to make a change, and she eventually became that very person.” Councilor Heimerdinger opens the speech, “When she graduated the Academy, all of her professors sent recommendation letters to the then Sheriff… Very quickly, Grayson became known around Piltover as an Enforcer that got things done. She never had a single complaint against her and everyone she interacted with seemed to love her. That reputation only grew the longer she remained in the force and when the Sheriff retired, she was the first candidate they chose for the job… Ever since she swore in, the crime in the isthmus had dropped dramatically. Sheriff Grayson will be missed.” You lean your head against Zenita’s shoulder and she puts her arm around you. You can feel the grief starting to set in and you need the comfort.

“Working under Sheriff Grayson was an honor. She was talked about highly in my years at the Acadamy and I quickly learned that all of it was true. From my first days on the force, she became a huge inspiration to me and other junior Enforcers. She pushed us… to do our best… and encouraged us to remember that the people’s safety relied on us.” Marcus addresses the crowd, “I was there when she- when she died… and the Sheriff never stopped protecting the people. She never stopped being the woman I looked up to.” You hide your face in Zenita’s shoulder as the tears sting your eyes. You feel your Grandmother Haruli’s hand rub your arm before she gives your hand a squeeze. After Marcus, more people went up to give their speeches or share their experiences. Some made you chuckle as they shared funny stories and others made you angry as they lied about their interactions with Grayson. You held your breath when your mother stood up and took the stand. Part of you didn’t want her to say anything, but the other part of you was intrigued by what she was going to say.

“As most of you know, Grayson was a friend of the family. She was there for both of our daughters’ births and would come over quite regularly for events… Grayson was a woman who had strong morals and did what she thought was right for the betterment of others. She took Caitlyn under her wing from a young age and taught her how to shoot while reminding her of the reason Enforcers do their jobs. She was always encouraging the new generation and took the time to answer their questions. Grayson… can never be replaced. Her death is a loss the entire community will mourn for a while.” Your mother speaks out and you have to choke back a laugh through your tears. ‘I wasn’t even mentioned once, even though Grayson trained me, too. That’s my mother for you. She’s the same even at your funeral, mama.’

“And with that…” Your mother clears her throat, “I’d like to welcome Grayson’s family to Piltover. Her mothers, the Masters of Hirana Monastery, and her siblings… June, an Ionian Sundancer, and her sister, Zenita… who is a guardian of one of the country’s sacred sites.” Your mother gestures over to your group and that’s when the whispers start. Grandmother Teylin stands and replaces your mother at the podium.

“Thank you for all of your wonderful stories about our daughter. Our Gray always had a kind heart that she gave to others who needed it. She grew up among monks at the monastery, but she felt more called to go out and protect others than to become one. At the age of fourteen, she left our home to travel the world and came to Piltover to live. Her first words to me about this city were that it has potential, and that’s what she liked about it… When she told my sisters and me about her career choice, we warned her that it would be dangerous.” Grandmother Teylin’s words make laughter bubble up in your throat. You laugh and wipe away your tears as the others laugh with you. You could see some puzzled looks from the attendees who wouldn’t understand why you found it funny.

“Gray had a zest for life that brought a light to our family. She had a special heart and it’s with great joy that she introduced us to a child with a heart just as special as hers.” Grandmother Teylin turns to you and beckons you forward. You blink in shock but she holds her hand out to you and Zenita and Grandmother Haruli nudge you. You stand up and nervously approach her, grabbing her hand and letting her pull you next to her. You look out at the crowd and remind yourself to stand tall. ‘I am here for mama. There is nothing these people can say that’ll affect me.’

“Y/n was brought into our lives six years ago, and it has been the brightest six years of our lives. Gray spoke about her in every letter she sent home, talking about how much she adored her and that Y/n reminded her of why she chose to become the sheriff.” Grandmother Teylin smiles down at you as you look at her in awe, “It’s only right that she gets the closing statement.” Your eyes widen and you feel panic flit through you.

“Grandmother, I haven’t prepared anything!” You whisper to her in a panic.

“Speak from your heart, my granddaughter.” Grandmother Teylin kisses your forehead and steps aside for you. You swallow nervously but approach the microphone anyway. The people in the crowd perk up as you do and you can see the confused faces looking back at you. You were the quiet Kiramman. The one people didn’t hear about because your mother didn’t talk about you. It wasn’t until Grayson took you in that you started to meet people. Some… didn’t even know that your family had two daughters. And while staring out at this crowd of people, you realize that Piltover isn’t your home. It never has been and that made the words come tumbling out.

“Grayson showed me the world.” You say strongly, “She took me with her on sabbatical and taught me more than I ever imagined I could learn. She showed me the place where she grew up and I had the privilege of meeting her family… and learning what she once did.” You present your robes proudly, “I am honored to be able to wear these robes in honor of Grayson. I am touched to hear that she held me in such high regards… because-...” You choke up as the tears start flowing. You take a deep breath and try to calm yourself down enough to speak, “Because she was everything to me and I loved her. I admire her so much. Her strength. Her humility. Her drive to protect the people who couldn’t protect themselves and the kindness she had for everyone… She was a light that was taken too soon, and she will never be forgotten.” You glance at the Hirana family and they stand up to surround the pyre, “So this is where I say to you… Grayson Hirana, our Great Gray Lion, protector, and Shaman! May the spirits welcome you with open arms and you continue to protect us even though you are not with us anymore!” You go to step aside but Grandmother Jess grabs your hand and hands you a match.

“You’re one of us.” Grandmother Jess whispers, “You do this with us.” You smile at her as more tears fall and listen for the count of three before striking your match. You toss the match onto the pyre and step back as the fire comes alive. You stare into the fire before it all hits you and you break down. You fall to your knees and sob as the heat of the fire brushes across your face. ‘You’re gone, mama. Gone. Why do you have to be gone? Why did it have to be you?’

You sat by the pyre for a while before Orum picked you up. All he said to you is that people who were in Grayson’s Will were being called to the Charter Building. You had asked him to put you down, but when he raised an eyebrow at you, you let him carry you the whole way. At the entrance to the building, Orum put you down and you didn’t bother to fix your robes. You made your way inside and you were offered a tissue and some water when you sat down. The doors opened again and your family walked in, making you feel awkward. Caitlyn saw you and immediately came over to give you a hug. You froze before slowly hugging her back as the Hirana family came inside, followed by Marcus and a few other people.

“I’ve been told that everyone is here.” A man comes from the back, “My name is Garrett, and I am Grayson’s Will executioner. First and foremost, everything you will be given is final. You may not try to confiscate anything from another person or demand more. If you do, there is a clause in Grayson’s Will to revoke what you were originally given and it will go to charity… Now, the first people on the Will are her mothers. If you would please follow me to my office.” He says before disappearing down the hallway. Your grandmothers follow him as your aunt and uncle keep a watchful eye on you and Caitlyn. ‘I wonder what mama left for me… I didn’t expect her to leave me anything when I already have so much from her.’

“Your speech was beautiful.” Caitlyn says with a soft smile, “And, you look beautiful in your robes.”

“Thank you.” You respond, “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant.”

“That’s okay. You were closer to her than I was.” Caitlyn rests her hand on your shoulder, “I understand.”

“That… doesn’t mean you weren’t close to her, though. So, don’t discount your own grief.” You remind her, “Grayson loved you, too.”

“Thanks, sis.” Caitlyn whispers and you fall into silence. Your grandmothers come out and your aunt and uncle are called into the back. You sigh and slouch into the couch, not caring about appearances or anything. It wasn’t long before your aunt and uncle came out with Garrett.

“Miss Y/n?” Garrett calls as he looks around the room. You make eye contact with him as you stand and he beckons you down the hallway. You follow him in silence until you’re into the office and he closes the door behind you.

“First, I’d like to offer you my condolences. I’ve been the one in charge of your mother’s Will since she joined the Enforcers, and she has left us too soon.” Garrett sighs as he flips through his files.

“Wait, you know that Grayson is my mother?” You straighten up in surprise.

“Yes and I’m aware of your lineagefasting. While it has been deemed lost to time, there are still clauses for it in our laws… but that’s for another time.” Garrett gives you a smile, “Now, onto what your mother left you… ‘To my daughter, Y/n Hirana, I leave behind my apartment in the Middle Ring so that she may have a place to stay when she’s in need… along with every item that I haven’t marked for donation. I leave her with my travel bag and all of the items I have locked within it. Most importantly, I leave behind the bank account I created for her and everything within it.” He takes out two sets of keys, a card, and Grayson’s travel bag. You hold your breath as you reach out and brush your fingers over it. It was covered in patches from all of the places she visited and as you shakily lift one of the handles you see your name sewed into it.

“All you have to do is sign that you’ve received these items and you’re good to go.” Garrett hands you a pen and slides a document over to you. Your scan the page first to make sure you weren’t signing for anything else. When you were satisfied with what you didn’t find, you sign your name and hand it back to him.

“About the lineagefasting…” You trail off uncertainly.

“Once you choose which name to keep, you can send me a letter and I’ll switch things around for you.” Garrett says kindly.

“Can we do that right now?” You ask.

“Of course!” Garrett chuckles and slides another paper towards you, “Grayson said you might say that, so I had it on hand.” You can’t help the small laugh that escapes your lips. You hurriedly fill out the form and stare down at it before nodding in determination.

“Here you go.” You slide it back across the desk before grabbing your items and standing, “Where’s the bathroom if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Down the hall, third door on your right.” Garrett points, “And… despite the circumstances, it was nice to meet you, Miss Hirana.”

“It was nice to meet you too, Garrett.” You nod at him and head to the bathroom. You lock the door behind you and gingerly place the bag on the floor. You look at yourself in the mirror and shake your head. ‘This is now or never, Y/n.’ It only takes you a few seconds to take off your robe and fold it up. You reach into your hoodie pocket and pull out the drawstring bag it came in. You drop them into there along with your keys and card, before slinging it across your back. You let your hair down, tucking it into your hoodie and pulling the hood up. ‘Gotta pin that in place so my hood doesn’t fall.’ You grin at the cat ears you sewed onto the hood before grabbing the travel bag and heading for the window.

‘I don’t think this is why you taught me how to open a window, mama… but this is what I’m using it for.’ You mentally apologize as you pop the window open. You toss your bag out before jumping through and pulling yourself out. You let out a soft grunt as your feet hit the pavement. With a wave of your hand, the window reseals itself and you grin in success.

“Ready to go, Miss Hirana?” Cardin smirks as he kicks off of the wall next to you. He was dressed in casual clothes instead of the robes from earlier.

“Ready.” You grin, pick up your bag and run for the entrance of the alleyway. Cardin laughs and grabs your hand, guiding you down to the docks. You stop running once you’re a good distance from the Charter Building. Your heart is racing from the running but also from what you’re doing. ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this! They’re going to be so pissed off!’

“What’s the first thing you’re going to do?” Cardin glances at you as you reach the dock entrance.

“I’m going cliff diving.” You say seriously, “I need a good swim.”

“Can I tag along?” Cardin asks excitedly, “Can I bring the crew?”

“You and your crew are welcome.” You giggle, “But, aren’t you going hunting once you get home?”

“Yes. Yes, he is.” Orum smirks down from on the boat, “Buut, I guess we can hold off for a day.” He winks and holds his hand out. You hand him the travel bag before jumping up and grabbing his hand. Orum pulls you onto the boat and you’re instantly dragged away by Zenita. She takes you into the cabin of the boat as the engine starts up. They wanted to be out on the water before they sent people to look for you.

“She’s here!” Zenita announces and you’re happily greeted by your family.

“I’ve officially left the Kiramman name behind.” You announce, “Once I’m eighteen, all of my records in Piltover will switch over and be adjusted.”

“I’d say welcome to the family, but you’ve been a part of it for a while now.” June grins.

“Now, come here and give your grandmother a hug!” Grandmother Jess playfully demands. With a giggle, you go over to her and give her a hug. You spend some time down in the cabin until you’re told that you’re clear of Piltover. You head out onto the deck and let your hoodie down as you approach the railing. You stare out at the water as an indescribable feeling washes over you. ‘I’ve left, mama. You may not be here, but I left. I’m going home. I’m going to Ionia.’

“How do you feel?” Grandmother Haruli leans against the railing next to you.

“Honestly…” You take a moment to find the word, “Free. I feel free, grandmother.” You say blissfully. ‘Even though mama is gone… I feel free.’

The first thing Sevika noticed when she woke up was the lack of feeling in her left arm. Then it was the quiet voices and soft snorting that had her opening her eyes. The room was dim with the only light coming from the lanterns hanging beside her. Sevika furrows her brow when she feels a weight next to her side. She looks over and sees Powder snuggled up against her, hands protectively holding the hospital gown where her arm should be. ‘Powder?’ Sev reaches out and touches the blue-haired girl’s head to verify she’s not hallucinating.

“Hey, Sev.” Krow’s silky voice has her turning to her right, “It’s nice to see you awake.”

“Bonesaw says there was no way to save your arm. He and the nurses tried to find one but any attempt woulda ended up with the ‘grene.” Ran sighs, running a hand through their hair, “You’re gonna have’ta augment.”

“I’d rather lose my arm than my life.” Sevika rasps. Gangrene wasn’t something she wanted to mess with, “I’m fine with augmenting. That won’t be an issue for me, but how are the kids? I can see one of them.” She motions to Powder.

“Ah, the chipmunk refused to leave your side once she was cleared by the healers. You came outta surgery and she’s been here ever since.” Robin grins, tossing her red braid over her shoulder, “Said you need someone here for you if you woke up before they said you would.”

“And the other two?” Sevika asks, gently stroking Powder’s hair. ‘The kid really stayed with me? She doesn’t even know me that well, yet she cares enough about me to stay?’

“Claggor will make a full recovery. Doc’s impressed. Said he’s got a skull of steel to only get a cracked bone.” Ran shrugs, “Mylo lost his right eye. It got ruptured by some debris, but again, he’s lucky to be alive.”

“Did he choose to augment?”

“Nah.” Krow shakes her head, “Glass eye and fake cover. He didn’t want to deal with the upkeep an augment would require. Doc is gonna give him the option again when he’s eighteen.”

“Okay.” Sevika sighs, “Did they find Violet?”

“…No. We searched the last place her sister saw her, but there… was a lot of blood, Sev. The kid has been marked as missing for now, but people are suspecting she might be dead.”

“That’s a conversation we’re going to have to have with Powder.” Sevika frowns, glancing at the young girl.

“So we’re taking the kids in?” Robin smirks, “You sure about that, boss?”

“I owe it to Vander.” Sevika says sternly, “He took us in, didn’t he? I’d be an asshole if I let his kids live on the streets. They wouldn’t last without Vi.”

“Oh, one more thing before we let the Doc know you’re up.” Ran gives a sly smile, making Sevika raise an eyebrow, “You’ve been chosen as the next leader of Zaun. The vote was unanimous.”

“What was the deciding factor?” Sevika blinks.

“People respect you. And, taking an explosion to the face and living only makes you scarier.”

“I guess it’s up to me to change this shitty place.” Sevika snorts, “Who would’ve thought I’d go from gang leader to Zaun’s Leader.”

#sevika x reader #sevika x you #sevika x y/n #sevika fanfic #sevika arcane #sevika #grayson arcane #grayson's true prodigy

[zeichannnnn]

Depression really hits you hard when the 2 people up really looked up to, as you grow older, have hit the gutter

I don’t mean to drag on the name but I really haven’t gotten over Technoblade’s death. I’m used to people around me dying, young or old. But the key difference here is that they’re ready for it. They had no long term plans for the future, nor was there any future for them. They knew their end and they were content with what they had. Techno on the other hand… he had so much more, so much potential. He had many ideas, many plans, many projects that all went down the drain because of his end. Unlike the others, Techno accepts his death and had prepared not because he was ready, but because he had no other choice. Faced with an inevitability that was already set in stone, there’s nothing you can do but prepare …and prepare he did. He bid his final goodbyes, enjoyed his last moments, he even spared us, his viewers, a moment by leaving us a video and a note and a legacy, his legacy.

I think that’s why I never truly got over his death because, unlike the others, he had a potential to be more. He was destined to do more, to create more, to build more, to rise more… but I guess our assumption of his destiny was wrong. He still had regrets, I bet you, before leaving, but he has no choice to let those go, to let them go so that the burden he leaves will be lessened.

I still think sometimes that he’s just with his usual horrendous upload schedule or that he’s just busy doing Techno things. I still sometime look forward to seeing a notification from YouTube, or Twitter about his activity. I still sometimes instinctively check the techno update on Twitter to only be greeted with Technodad updates (no hate for the guy, absolutely love him, he’s helped us so much despite healing from grief himself too) I sometimes even trick myself after rewatching old contents that he’ll make more in the future. I don’t know how to deal with grief because I never had the chance to ever experience it. I’ve experienced death, but I never experienced a death that was not “meant to be.” I miss Technoblade, I miss the vibrant community of Technotwt, I miss the active and chill vibes of Technotwt’s SMP, I miss how the community would laugh, and joke, and cry (satirically) over wanting Techno-content. I miss him, and I miss everything that he brings.

The second person that I admire a lot was my old art teacher from elementary school. After catching up with my senior, an old friend of mine, he had told me that my old art teacher have passed away. I wasn’t surprised since he was old and was nearing his time, but I mourn his death all the same. I mourn his death not for the same reason I mourn Techno’s death. I mourn my teacher’s death because I never got to tell him what I did, what I’ve made, what I’ve become, what I’ve created, and what I’ve reached. I never visited him nor told him how grateful I am for his cheating during my years of being taught by him. I never thanked him for always putting in my name in every art competition to represent my class, my year, my school. I never thanked him for cheering me on and giving me advice on what to do with my art. I never thanked him. I never got to tell him how much my art has changed, how I can now draw perspective, how I can now draw a variety of things other than people, how I can now apply colour theory to my art.

I mourn for his death because I never got the chance to see his proud look, the same look he gives me whenever I won a competition, whenever I finished first in class, whenever I show him my art for the period. I never got to tell him that I got a scholarship to one of the best art school in my country, how I’ve joined an artist project and even dabbled in animation.

Growing up, I never really had a parental figure I wanted to make proud of. My father’s a dick and grabbed milk with his new family whilst my mother and I’s relationship was always strained. Especially with how much she wished I wasn’t me. I never really had a parental figure until he came into the picture. I never really saw him as one until I read all of those fanfics where either Phil or Sam became the teachers that the kids would want to make proud of. I never really thought I needed his validation until my senior mentioned it to me and oh how my heart broke.

#zei’s rambling #zei’s little rant