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#I think what's hitting me most is how much I relied on a community that doesn't exist anymore
heyidkyay · 1 year
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And if it weren't this dark |
(Tip of the tongue but I can't deliver it properly)
Part One
A/N: hey, a short Alex one for you! it's been in my drafts for a while now, and isn't proofread but I figured I'd just post it and see if anyone likes it, first time writing for him so bare with me..
Summary: You and Alex have been together for ages and it's been so incredible, only now things have changed and you're struggling to tell him just how you feel.
Warning: angst- but also a bit of fluff so, lack of communication
Part Two
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I’d been dropping hints.
JESUS CHRIST had I been dropping hints.
There wasn’t a day gone by that I hadn’t thought about it finally happening. But as I mentioned, I’d been dropping hints only, they hadn’t been hitting.
So either I was relatively shit at this whole charade or… Alex was just utterly clueless.
I was leaning more towards the latter. But maybe I was simply biased, because over the last coming weeks my hints hadn’t been all that subtle.
I mean, only the other day we’d been on the way to my sister’s house for tea- she’d recently gotten engaged and mum had wanted to celebrate the only way my family really knew how. With good food. 
But neither Alex or I had remembered to pick up the wine we’d promised beforehand, and so we’d popped into the local Tesco’s on the drive over to pick up a few bottles. And whilst we’d been perusing- as you do- we’d somehow found ourselves wandering down the baby aisle.
Yes, the baby aisle. Because that was what I’d been waiting on. A baby. Or rather, a fucking good shag that then led to a baby.
Because, let’s be honest, I really wasn’t one to turn down a good time, far from, but these last few weeks there had been something else I’d been rather hoping for.
Everyone (and I mean everyone!!) around us was either settling down, buying homes, building families, or getting engaged. And Alex and I, well we’d been together for years and yet, nothing.
No ring. No big day planned. No talks of the future. Nada.
Nothing.
And I could honestly say that I wasn’t the type that needed that kind of security voiced or announced.
Truly. 
When Alex and I had first gotten together, I’d only realised that we were properly seeing each other when some other lad at a house party had tried to pull me. I’d never seen Alex so possessive, and it had been proper cute and a tad bit funny in the moment. He’d ‘staked his claim’- how cliche and chauvinistic, yes I know- but that was what had quickly taken us from Y/n and Alex, to Y/nandAlex. Which had suited me quite fine.
So yeah, him and I, since then had always sort of relied on our actions to simply show how we were feeling. 
Like when we’d first moved in together. There’d not been much of a discussion about it, my flat had quickly become the first place Alex would come back to after touring, his stuff had just started taking up space- washing in the dryer, dirty trainers in the hallway- and then he’d started calling it home. ‘Let’s head home, shall we?’ and ‘We’ll be home soon, darling.’ 
And that was all lovely. I adored having that kind of connection with him. 
But there were times when I desperately wished he would open up a little more about what he was thinking. Because although I could read him like an open book most days- his emotions especially- there were far and few times in between when I just felt so lost.
Like recently, I supposed.
I feel like we’ve been on the same page for so long, only now I’m ready to turn anew, start another chapter. Together.
But Alex? I have no fucking clue what he wants.
In all honesty, I think he’d be rather content to just carry on as we have been for the rest of eternity. No talk, no hashing things out. Have Christmas dinner with his parents, spend Boxing Day with mine. New Years in London, back home in time for spring. Same order from the local kebab, Friday nights stay reserved for one another.
And that would be it.
Lost to this routine.
Not that I was expecting a proposal or some grand gesture. I wasn’t much into the idea of any of that! No, just- I wanted more, you know?
I wanted that family I’d always dreamt about, that house we’d quickly make a home. I wanted nappies and nightly feeds, baby-grows which then turned into dungarees. Ten tiny little toes, someone with a cute button nose, a person made up of both him and I. 
But I just didn’t know when that would happen, or if it ever would.
So yeah- Tesco’s. Fuck, did I love to ramble! If Alex could only hear me now I supposed. 
So, as I was saying, we’d been stood in the baby aisle, Alex scrolling through his phone aimlessly, waiting for my dad to text him back a reply after we’d asked if they’d needed anything else whilst we were out. And me, staring starry eyed at the tiny socks and mittens and cute little newborn tees that were on display.
I’d said to him, almost thoughtlessly, “Imagine us having to buy all this. All these tiny little things.”
He’d just glanced up at me, smiled, hummed. Then replied, “Your dad asked if you’d pick him up some of that heartburn medication he buys. Says his acid reflux is playing up again.”
And hadn’t that just been grand? Mentioning my father’s gastrointestinal issues whilst we’d been stood surrounded by adorable little baby items, with me unsubtly referencing the image of US buying some for OUR child in the (now very obvious and very, very far) future.
Incredibly clued in, my Alex.
That hadn’t even been the worst of it though.
A few weeks back, my friend had mentioned that her and her fiancé were actively trying to conceive and I’d been so over the moon for the pair of them. All excited about the chance of having another baby to spoil rotten.
And Alex, he had been all smiles whilst congratulating them, sat comfortably beside me, but when I’d brought it up again on the drive home, he’d simply shrugged it off as though it was a thing that occurred every other day. 
Your mates starting a family. Nothing too out of the ordinary there, at least not to Alex. 
It had royally pissed me off in truth.
And I’d been a little off with him ever since, I think he knew it too.
“Love?”
I blinked out of the daze I’d let myself get lost in and looked away from the laptop screen I’d been staring at for the last, however long. I hummed quietly to him in reply, titling my head against the cushions and over towards where he was stood in the doorway.
“Been calling your name for a while now, you alright?” He quirked a brow up at me, a smug little smile limning his lips as he leant against the frame. He didn’t even know how good he looked. 
I nodded with a small smile then glanced away, back towards the email I’d just been typing. “‘M fine. Just need to get this done.”
Alex said nothing but I heard the soft shuffle of his socked feet across our wooden floors before the settee dipped beside me. He rested his chin against my shoulder, peering down at the screen.
“Just wanted to know what you fancied for tea.” Alex murmured, breath brushing against the skin of my neck. I withheld a shiver. “Figured we could order from that place round the corner.”
I rolled my lip against the other, pushing my glasses up my nose before I wrote another passage, honing all of my focus on finishing this email so that I could finally just relax for the evening.
“Whatever you want, Al. I’m not all that fussed.”
Alex leant away from me slightly, back pressing against the settee cushions, he stayed that way for a while and I could feel his presence as I continued to type away. It was only a short time later that I grinned triumphantly down at the laptop and clicked send, thankful to have it gone and out of my mind.
“All done, cherry?”
Smiling at the familiar petname, my eyes flickered over towards him. I took in the woollen jumper he wore, as well as his hair which was tousled and unkept, probably from having run his hands through it all day. I was only just able to stop myself from reaching out to tangle my fingers in it, wanting to smooth it over. 
“All done.” I murmured faintly and gifted him a tired smile.
Alex was the type to take something and run with it though, so I wasn’t all that surprised when he grinned right back at me and extended a hand out to cradle my left cheek. I leaned into his warmth for a second, allowing his thumb to brush the skin under my eye, probably from where today’s makeup had just begun to smudge. 
I inhaled after and slowly pulled away. Not paying much mind to the way Alex slumped slightly and instead opting to busy myself with putting away my laptop and clearing up the mess I’d made of the coffee table. 
I did it all quietly, picking up the two mugs of tea I’d made, one empty, the other barely touched from where I’d forgotten about it, whilst Alex watched on. The tele remote was perched on the very edge of the table and so I tossed it over towards him, padding my way into the kitchen.
“Put something on, will you? Think there’s a good film on Channel 5.” I prompted over my shoulder, glancing at him through the tramson window that had been installed shortly after the sink had sprung a leak during last tour and flooded the flat, forcing us to make do whilst the owner had remodelled.
Pressing the power up button, Alex flipped the remote around in his hand a couple of times, he looked deep in thought and so I left him be, choosing to wash up the two mugs as well as the few stray knives and forks which littered the basin. 
I hummed quietly to myself, an old song I could hardly recall the lyrics of, whilst I worked, thinking about the many things I had to get done before the weekend started. 
It was Alex’s voice which startled me from my musings actually. He was so much closer now than he’d been before when he spoke up again, I'd obviously not heard his approach.
“So, tea?” Alex questioned me with a slight furrow between his brows, he’d propped himself up against the kitchen counter about an arms width away.
“God, Al! What are you- a wraith? Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I scolded, having jumped out of my skin. I took a deep breath. “Could’ve had a heart attack or something over the kitchen sink.”
Alex chuckled lowly at me, clearly amused by my reaction, he shook his head. “Make headlines, you- woman dies whilst doing the washing up! Reckon it’ll lead to a riot- start up a petition that’ll change the way we wash dishes forever.”
I rolled my eyes, flicking a few soap duds at him in retaliation which only made him reach out towards me. I tried to evade him but he was too quick, sweeping and wrapping me up in his arms so that I couldn’t proceed to splash him any further.
“You always been this much of a weirdo?” I huffed, not making much of an effort to escape his hold even as I struggled to blow a strand of hair out of my face. 
He hummed, smiling down at me as we begun to sway. “Might’ve been. No getting rid of me now that you’ve finally realised it though.”
I playfully winced in retort, forcing out a loud put-upon sigh. “Should’ve just kept quiet and slipped out once you’d fallen asleep watching the tele.”
Alex narrowed his eyes at me, tugging me in tighter. “As if you would.” He taunted.
I simply smirked in retort and let my damp hands work their way under the soft material of his jumper. I cackled loudly at the way he shivered and jumped away from me like a frightened cat during a thunderstorm.
“Ah, you’re in for it!” Alex declared, his face a right picture.
Quick as I could, I dived to my left so that I could position the kitchen counter between us, bracing myself against it to grin over at him. “Should’ve thought twice about that before telling me what to do, Turner.”
“Minx.” Alex smirked, and then he pounced.
We spent the next however long running about the flat after that. 
He’d somehow been able to grab at me in the hallway but I’d thankfully managed to wrangle my way out of his hold, sprinting into our room to use the bed to my advantage. I rolled over it, putting a dent in the freshly made sheets but using the spare moment to take a couple- much needed- deep breaths whilst Alex waltzed slowly inside. I scowled when the door closed behind him. He flashed me a victorious smile.
“Unfair. I’m at a disadvantage.” I pouted, hoping it would soften him slightly. But when that didn’t work I resorted back to a narrow eyed glare. “Open the door, Alex.”
“I don’t think so, Angel-face. You see, I’ve got you cornered.”
I looked for another escape, Alex only growing nearer, but my only options were limited. I could either goad him and then dart towards the door, or dive out the window. 
Seeing as though I didn’t much fancy breaking my neck, I opted for the former.
“Come on, Al.” I chuckled breathlessly, perching precariously on the edge of the mattress in hopes of lowering his defences a little. “We’ve had fun, but I’m proper knackered now. Call it quits so we can have a cuddle?”
Alex glanced over at me warily, he knew me far too well but appeared to be on the verge of agreement. He slowly made his way over towards the bed, shoulders hunched, still on his guard. 
“Promise?”
I hummed my vague assent, smiling up at him softly.
He paused with squinted eyes, “You’ve gotta verbalise it, love. Don’t count otherwise.”
I tilted my head up at him, feigning confusion. But we both knew I wouldn’t say it unless I really meant it. I kept my word.
That little flaw of mine seemed to trip me up though, and we both realised it at the same time too. So as I manoeuvred my way towards the door- feeling like Kim Possible, might I add- Alex was already in motion, catching me by the hips before I could even surpass the foot of the bed.
“Alex!” I screamed, only growing louder when he threw me over his shoulder and span us around. “Put me down! Now!”
“I fucking knew it!” Alex laughed merrily, bouncing me about the place. I swatted at his back unhappily, starting to feel my stomach in my throat. “Knew you’d try something.”
“Yeah, yeah… proper clever, you. Can you put me fucking down now? Think I’m gonna yosh.”
I could only roll my eyes when he dropped me on my arse, although thankfully it was on the mattress. Huffing, I fought to tame the mess he’d probably made of my hair.
“Twat.”
Alex merely chuckled, leaning in close to tuck a strand of stray hair behind my ear. I smiled when he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“Hm, so you say.” I replied, peering up at him from where he towered over me, his hand falling to frame my jaw.
He leant in again, smiling as his lips met mine. “Had to show you who’s boss, didn’t I? Couldn’t let you get away with that.”
I gave an airy titter, pushing him away so that I could pull myself to my feet. “I could’ve had you on your arse the second you strolled in here, was just playing fair.”
He caught my wrist before I could retreat back into the living room, encasing my hand in his. I frowned slightly, looking back at him, mainly confused.
“What’s up?” I questioned him. His brown eyes flickered back and forth between my own, he looked conflicted all of a sudden, it was something you didn’t see on Alex too often which caused my frown to deepen, “Alex?” I prodded.
A small sigh escaped him and his gaze fell towards our joined hands, I let my thumb brush against the back of his own, wanting to reassure him in some way.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked again, stepping closer. My other hand braced his forearm.
Alex’s eyes found mine once more and I didn’t think I had ever seen him this torn up. It threw me a bit, his demeanour had changed so quickly, it was like he’d done a total one-eighty on me.
“Think I should be asking you that question.”
I frowned at Alex’s vague reply.
“What do you mean? I’m fine, Alex. Annoyed that you won, but I’ll get you the next time.” I assured him, chuckling softly at the end. But it didn’t seem to do much.
Alex just shook his head, stepping away towards the window. He dragged a hand across his face, rubbing at his chin whilst he gazed down at the street below. 
“Al…” I tried. “Alex. Will you look at me?”
His eyes fell shut, he squeezed them as though he was trying to sort through a messy array of thoughts, of emotions.
Then he sighed. “I just don’t get you sometimes. One second you’re off with me, hardly even have the time to spare a glance my way. Then the next, we’re as happy as Larry, dancing about the kitchen, play-fighting, laughing.”
I had to look away, down towards my feet as a surge of guilt rippled through me. It wasn’t Alex’s fault that he had no idea about all the thoughts that were raging about inside my head. It wasn’t his fault that I was too scared to just come out with it. To tell him what I so does wanted. To just talk to him. 
None of the blame was on him and yet, I’d still placed it all there.
“I’m sorry.” I said, slumping down onto the edge of the mattress with a sigh. My eyes trailed over to find him staring back, his face gave nothing away. “I’ve been an utter twat. And I’ve been so fucking unfair to you. I- I don’t know, Al. I’ve just been struggling with a lot lately. But it really is nothing that you’ve done.”
Alex released a long breath, thumbing the bridge of his nose before he walked towards the bed, taking a seat beside me. We sat there in silence for a few moments, I could feel my heart hammering in my throat. Because it really was now or never. I either told him or… I got over myself. And nothing would change.
“You say you’ve been struggling.”
I angled my head over towards him upon hearing his words, Alex continued to look onwards though, his hands clasped between his knees.
He looked a lot older in that moment, and it reminded me of just how long we’d been together. I could recall a similar moment we’d shared well over a decade ago now, just before the band’s very first London gig.
Alex had spent weeks torturing himself over it, figuring that they’d be wasting their time playing to an empty room. 
It had been the night before they’d been set to leave when he’d come round mine. It’d been late. Really late, as in only mere hours before the train he’d been expected on was set to depart. 
It had just been the two of us. But that hadn’t ever been an unusual occurrence. We’d sat in silence together for a longwhile on my messy bedsheets- he’d always been the type to struggle with words. Strange for a songwriter, yeah, but unless they were accompanied by a couple chords then Alex could honestly spend a millennia searching for the right ones to use if you’d let him. 
He had spoken up eventually though. Told me what was bugging him. And I’d been the one to try and right every bad thought he’d had. Dull his racing mind. 
I’d always very much doubted his fears, about no one wanting to listen to their music outside of Sheffield. Outside of the safety net we’d grown up in. But Alex was as stubborn as I was, and so we’d spent a lot of late nights arguing about it. We’d always make up for it though come morning. 
And Alex had gone, obviously. I’d been one of the few to see the band off that morning, waving goodbye even as the train blurred and disappeared out of sight. He’d phoned me later that night after the gig, I’d heard his smile, he’d gone on this long rant about how wrong he’d been. Because the pillock had only gone and gotten carried around the venue on a sea of hands, hadn’t he?
This moment didn’t feel quite the same though. Because these fears I’d been facing, well they didn’t threaten anything outside of the four walls we’d carved for ourselves. If I told him how I felt, there was a very big chance that he might not feel the same, want the same. There was a very real chance he could just walk away.
“If it’s been so bad. Why didn’t you just come to me?” Alex asked and his eyes found mine then, that warm brown of his appeared so oddly defeated. So much so, I struggled to find a reply. 
“Just come out with it. Please. ‘Cause all this up and down, and back and forth. I don’t know if I can take much more. It’s been driving me round the bend. I hate reaching out towards you and feeling you pull further away. Kills me. Hate feeling like there’s something standing between us. ‘Cause it’s never been that way. Not with me and you.”
My throat grew tight with tears, but I wouldn’t cry, not now. Not when it was me who had caused all this.
“I know.” I had to take a deep breath to keep them at bay. To hide the strain in my voice. I pivoted so that my knee folded beneath me and I could really see his face. He followed, taking ahold of my hands. “I know, and I am sorry. Truly. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. That I let it get this bad. That I let you get so torn up. I didn’t even realise.”
Alex pulled me into an embrace, hand holding the back of my neck as I buried my face in his. Because that was the man Alex was, he put me above everything else. Including himself.
“It’s fine, sweetheart.” He hushed, thumb brushing over the top of my spine. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”
I did know that. But still.
“I don’t want to lose you, Alex.”
That probably hadn’t been the best thing to say. Alex all but flung himself back, alarm swimming in his eyes as he levelled me with a long look.
“Lose me? What’s that meant to mean? Why would you lose me?”
A tear fell then, followed by a couple more. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, willing them away, hating the thought of seeing him so distraught.
“Y/n. Love. Please, you’re actually beginning to scare me now. Tell me what’s happened.”
I tried to look away. I didn’t want to do this, not here not now, but his fingers grasped my chin, tugging me back to face him.
A sob spilled from my lips and I crumpled slightly, his hands jumped up to my shoulders, struggling to hold me up.
“What could have you this worked up?” He stressed, shaking me slightly. “Just tell me, because all the fucking things I’ve got racing through my head. I- Put me out of my misery at least. Please.”
It took all the strength I had to peer up at him, eyes red and raw. “I want more, Alex. I want more than just this.”
After I’d said it, I wanted to take all my words back. The hurt that flashed across his face felt like a sharp slap to mine. He started to move, to stand. And I realised he was about to leave.
“Al. Alex.” I called, tried. Clutching at his arm. “Alex, please! Just listen, will you?”
He wasn’t having it. Shaking his head at me as he stormed his way out of the bedroom.
“I can’t believe you’ve just said that.”
It was like a punch to the gut, hearing the upset that lined his voice. His back was to me as I chased after him, I’d ever seen him like this.
“I didn’t mean it! Not like that! Not in the way it sounded.”
“Like fuck you didn’t mean it, Y/n!” Alex shouted, and I caught a glimpse of his face when he went to tug his jacket off the hanger by the front door. 
I could count the times I’d seen Alex cry on one hand. But right then, there were tears in his eyes.
“Alex.” I pleaded with him.
A deathly silence fell between us, I watched his shoulders sag before he turned back around towards me. I wanted nothing more than to hold him again. Take away all his pain, the pain I’d caused.
“If you leave right now, I’ll never forgive you.” I choked out, “Please don’t leave. Please.”
He stared at me. Long and hard.
“Tell me the truth then.”
His voice was nothing but a strained whisper. He looked so tired, arms slumped helplessly by his sides.
I swallowed thickly. Hands fisted against my chest.
Alex scoffed at me then and ran a hand over his face, rubbing at his stinging eyes. He shook his head and went for the latch.
I felt my eyes fall close. It was now or never, I supposed. He was leaving either way.
“I want a baby, Alex.”
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spectrumgarden · 1 month
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how do you know if you have medium support needs?
Gonna go on a bit of a long winded support needs rant here.
Frankly theres no hard lines between the terms low medium and high support needs. Medium support needs specifically is a community term, meaning it was made by autistic people instead of medical professionals. There are also many people who consider themselves right between two categories, so they'll say they are low-medium or medium-high, which honestly turns it into more of a 5 options system than 3 if you're being pedantic. And then theres also the option of describing the category further, for example like saying you are on the high end of low support needs, or the low end of medium support needs.
( slight tangent: depending on where you live there might be actual legal categories with strict definitions, based on how much support someone needs, seperate from the specific terms of LSN MSN and HSN. In germany where I live there are Pflegegrade, translating to "care degree", which has 5 levels. I am right under the point cut off for level 3, so I'm a high level 2, described as "substantial limitation of indepence and skill". (Which I think also fits well with me considering myself on the low end of MSN.) This care level translates to funding for my care by my insurance and (alongside my disability ID score and markers) is often used in services for disabled people to "prove" that I need them to begin with before the question of funding even comes up. )
When it comes to assessing these support needs, whether legally defined or community coined, you can not really get around ADLs, activities of daily living. There are bADLs and iADLs, and most lists online will be fairly similar in what they include. ADLs are used in assessing disabled peoples need for care no matter their type of disability. It's what was used for my grandmother with alzheimers the same way it's used for me or my neighbor with mobility issues.
Since there are no strict "you need to hit exactly these many of the bADLs and these many of the iADLs that you need help with in this way" rules to qualify for, anything past this point will be my subjective opinion that I formed after looking at tons of peoples self reported and caregiver reported support needs label and what they need help with, and in what capacity. Others might define this (slightly) differently.
Support basically starts at reminders and ends in someone else completely doing it for you (sometimes done as hand over hand to hopefully build motor memory so you might be able to start doing them a bit more independently in the future). Theres also the detail of "how do you define needing care" and in general disability circles, not necessarily autism specific circles, I've often seen the phrase "can you do it reliably and safely" to assess if you need help with something. So if you can only get yourself to shower once a month for example even with reminders, that would still count as requiring care of some level for it to be done reliably. Or if you can use an oven to heat up / make food but you sometimes get burns that go beyond regular "clumsiness" that also means you probably need additional support to use it safely.
From what I've seen in the community over the last few years I honestly consider bADLs to be a large deciding factor for your support needs. If I did not need help with bADLs beyond reminders I could for example probably get away with only having a few hours of support a week for things like assisted grocery shopping or driving me to a doctor's appointment or helping me write an email or make a phone call or helping me deep clean the bathroom or kitchen, while spending my day to day completely by myself. I would still have to accommodate myself the rest of the time, such as mostly relying on instant and generally low effort food, my apartment would probably never be super tidy (but also like. Majority of peoples apartments get messy on the regular, I should know from my friends that are all 100% abled), and relying on a schedule, for example an app or physical list on the wall, for bathing, dressing and grooming.
But because I need prompting for my bADLs to be done reliably in any way or form I suddenly need a lot more care, so this small detail made it go from 1-2 days a week to daily.
with bADLs (and similarly iADLs but that's not the focus right now) it starts with people who need no help with them, then people directly below me who need reminders for (some) of them, people like me who need prompting and on bad days hands on help with some. And over that are people who need prompting for most if not all of them, and ending in people who need hands on help for all of them. And if you crammed that entire experience all into high support needs and left low to medium support needs open for people who only need help with iADLs it would be way too much for the HSN category alone I think. But if you extended it into low support needs it would also make low support needs basically useless as a term. Which to me means it makes the most sense to consider needing some help with bADLs beyond reminders the thing that sort of starts the category of medium support needs applying. Because frankly speaking reminders dont take up a lot of time, often can be done virtually or without the need for another person via reminders and checklists etc. Which is a stark contrast to someone who needs to be walked through a task from beginning to end by someone by their side at all times. So you can need help with most/all of your iADLs, which means you still need a relatively high amount of care if you look at it from an abled perspective ( i.e. someone to control your finances for you, and organize your transportation, and help you keep your environment clean, ...) and maybe rely on a phone app that reminds you to brush your teeth and shower, and still be low support needs, because you're putting it in the perspective of the large variety that is disabled experiences.
Lastly I do think the ADLs are not perfect, for example at least older definitions usually do not include things like if you can engage in fun activities by yourself such as watching media or reading or drawing, whatever you enjoy, or how effectively you can communicate in daily life even though that is in itself important to your quality of life and will affect how much time needs to be spend on your care. However they are the best we have currently and make a lot of sense.
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keybearer92 · 3 months
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Jacob Anderson understands Louis and would never discuss serious racial topics using embarrassing, terminally online words like "antis." That's the difference between you. It's not hypocrisy from the fandom, it's being able to see who is actually capable of critical thinking and adult conversations. You're black talking about racism and can't even say it's about racism. You're hurting your own community over upholding some white fandom bullshit. For what? Nobody likes you because you do harmful things constantly and never reflect on your own behavior. You worship a dead white woman because you act just like her and blame everyone else as if you aren't moving weird as fuck to begin with and bringing this all on yourself.
I guess projection is what we’re after now so let’s break this down shall we 😂
I think Jacob would very much use the word anti because that’s exactly what you and your cohort of gremlins are. Any opinion that isn’t perfectly in sync what whatever hive mind mentality in this echo chamber you inhabit is dismissed. Maybe that’s why Jacob liked and then unliked a tweet from one of your followers, because he saw through this psuedo intellectual racial bullshit you call “adult conversation” and “critical thinking”. Also can you and your group please stop trying to objectify Jacob in your arguments. For a group that makes fun of his wife do you seriously think he’d want to share space with the ick and negativity you breed? I think not. He doesn’t want any of yall 🤣
Second, I’m glad you mentioned I talked about racism because I do it quite often. Where the buck stops though is thinking that’s why people don’t like me. To that who are the individuals that find me so abhorrent and distasteful? Let me take an educated guess? You and your community of vile and hateful acolytes who have no argument because you rely and childish playground antics to justify your behavior. If anything no one likes you or your group. I wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near any of you because you cry and whine like toddlers whenever you don’t get your way
And third and the most hilarious point of all is you think I worship Anne Rice? 🤣. Is that all you antis think about anyone who actually has a brain and can digest themes in a mature manner? But also you would be known that I watched the series before even reading any of her books. Bur you see the thing about me is I’m capable of having well thought out and nuanced arguments that’s actually create a dialogue. Not the regurgitated propaganda you and your folks seem to cling to like a life raft. I recognize my blackness but guess what? My expectation is that I need people to have the same experience as me because it’s mine and not anyone else’s. Had you cared to actually read what I said you would’ve seen that but clearly you’re blinded by your fascination of me that I guess you missed that part.
The REAL difference between you and I is I don’t need others to validate or rubber stamp what I’m saying because that’s not how I operate. While you on the other hand can’t even come off anon to address me properly. Instead you use my ask box like a coward to pop off on me like you actually did something 😂.
So please spare me the melodramatic “nobody likes you” drama because I don’t get down into the dirt with dogs like you. But clearly the hit dog you are was bound to holler. Let me know if you want another lashing
Have a good day 😌
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GIF credits to @nalyra-dreaming
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quietly-by-myself · 2 months
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Stagnation and the Future of the Blog
Hi everyone,
I know I’ve said I was quitting before, that I’m taking a hiatus, etc. Things... have really sucked lately, outside the blog/community and in the community itself. Sometimes, the whump community is like a bad boyfriend I just can’t get rid of. I’ll explain.
I’ve stagnated. I didn’t post about it, but I hit 400 followers last year. Since then, I’ve hovered around that number. I know counting yourself by your followers is a bad way to look at things, but the way I see it, my blog has stagnated. I’m trying to break out of that stagnation, but it’s impossible. I can’t write the same tropes over and over again. I’ve written all the tropes I love, but no matter how much I love them, they feel tired. The spark for whump isn’t there. I haven’t had energy to read any whump. All I’m doing is writing it.
Even when I post new pieces, new stories, they don’t get the attention they used to. I cannot put into words how crushing it is to go from looking forward to people’s comments on your stories to not getting any. I’m not owed interaction. I know that. However, I wonder what the point of writing to post here is if I have no more love for “my tropes,” if I only find whump fun in private, with my friends in roleplay.
There’s a personal aspect here, too, that I don’t want to get into, but drama and discourse within the community has negatively impacted my mental health.
I find the content cycle tiring. I’m a mid-sized blog for a whump blog, so most of my interaction relies on people promoting my work. I want to thank @whumpsday and @pigeonwhumps in particular for tirelessly promoting my work and @writereleaserepeat, @flowersarefreetherapy, @oddsconvert, @sparrowsage, @i-can-even-burn-salad, and of course, my wonderful beta reader @darkthingshappen for their wonderful comments on my pieces. I wouldn’t be where I am without y’all. However, at a certain point, I think we all hit a cap of interaction we can expect and mine just isn’t what it used to be. I’m not what I used to be. Plus, what I enjoy writing is what gets the least amount of interaction. I used to write for myself, but now I write for the cycle and that isn’t fun.
If I find the energy to write whump again, I will. For right now, though, I wouldn’t expect it. Call it writer’s block. Call it burnout. Call it what you want, but it’s really impacting me. I want to go back to writing for myself and I think I need to take a break in order to do that.
Thank you y’all.
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goblinpuppy35 · 8 months
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The Punk and the Wolf
(Previous chapter, Part 3, Next chapter)
Remus Lupin x Male Reader
Summary: Set during OFTP, Y/N is Mad Eye Moody's assistant and while staying at Grimmauld place, him and Remus develop a connection.
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The next week was grey and cold, frequent rain showers kept the pavement slabs outside damp and reflective. At night the winds blew, rattling the windows and echoing through the halls. To keep the inside of the house from matching the bleak atmosphere outside most of the warm table lamps were kept on throughout the day and at night they looked like paths of yellow tinted orbs guiding you down the hallways. All the students had returned to Hogwarts, a little nervous and reserved to leave.
Remus was helping Sirius as much as he could, rumours were growing that the dark lord was hunting down werewolves, forcing them to join his side, so for the time being the two friends agreed it was safer for Remus to stay in the house and help with meetings and strategy planning. During one of these wet mornings, Remus and Sirius were hunch over the dinning table together reading and replying to letters from members of The Order and associates. The task was draining but there was an unspoken sense of commodity between the two, they had been friends for so long and been through so much together Remus always felt at ease in Sirius' company.
"Forget the war this, THIS is what's actually going to kill me" Sirius groans as he leaned back in his chair rubbing the palm of his hand with his thumb. Remus only laughs and rolls his eyes as he continues to write his letter. "These ones will need to be sent out before midday" Sirius sighs as he scoops a pile of letters into his hands "when Moody comes back tell him". "Moody and Y/N already came back about an hour ago" Remus interrupts not looking up from his parchment. Sirius jolts up and stares at his friend who is still focusing on his writing, "and how do you know that?". "Because .." but Remus trails off and only then dose he look up from his work, not at Sirius though, he keeps looking forward hoping this moment will just pass.
"Because Y/N has felt our book on the side table across the room which means he's sleeping in the other room now" was what Remus has stopped himself from saying. Our book. Over the past week Y/N and he had developed a system with thier shared reading of The Odessy, when either of them were going to sleep they would leave it on the side table for the other to pick up and carry on where they left. Only once was the book disturbed when George pick it up to hit Fred's head when he was annoying him to which Remus took the book and hit George over the side of the head lightly and told him not to hit others with things that didn't belong to him. Afterwards Remus carefully made sure Y/N's bookmark was still in the same place.
Remus had noticed that Y/N had started underlining quotes within each chapter and making little comments in the sides of the pages which Remus would rely back to. 
"Do you think this imagery links back to the first chapter?" -Y/N
"Possibly! the part with the Cyclops has always been my favourite" -Remus 
"I'm enjoying it, tho Moody keeps telling me to stop reading about one when I have a Cyclops right in front of me that I should be listening to :) " -Y/N
Along with communicating through annotations, every morning that week Remus had been greeted with a premade brewing cup of tea in the kitchen and every other day a new type of chocolate based snack Y/N had picked up for him in the muggle world. This charming ritual always made Remus smile but the gesture also reminded him that Y/N was already back and collapsed in the living room with Moody, door closed behind them. Remus was constantly fighting the urge to go in and take Y/Ns hand and thank him for these small moments which were becoming the highlights of his day. However in the few meetings they attended together, another situation were Remus was pained by not having Y/N alone, Y/Ns eyebags were starting to give his a run for their money. He must be exhausted. On the particularly fierce nights Remus would lie awake in bed and worry about Y/N being out somewhere in the rain, all their missions were obviously essensail but at this point Remus had fully submitted to his deepening feelings for Y/N and simply wanted to know he was safe. Not that he was going to admit this to Sirius right now if he could avoid it.
"Well if they are back now then I can go in and ask them" Sirius declared abruptly rising from his chair and briskly walking towards the living room door. "Pads no! Y/N needs to rest" states Remus getting up and swiftly chasing after his friend, Sirius had started to open the large door until Remus places his long fingers in the gap keeping the door in place just a jar. "Oh Remus .. buddy.. you've got it bad haven't you" Sirius statement makes Remus frown and blush simultaneously thought this reaction is broken by his ears honing in on a small noise coming from the living room sofa. Looking over Remus can see Y/N, alone, outstretched and slumped on his side across the sofa, legs lifted up over the arm and boots still on. His gaze travels up to Y/Ns face which is half hidden by his Y/H/C hair sticking to his face and neck damp, he is shivering in his sleep. The poor lad must have been caught in the storm on his way back this morning Remus thinks and leaving Sirius in the doorway he makes him way into the room. Carefully trending his way over to not wake Y/N who's face was scrunched up and twitching slightly. Remus thinks he must be dreaming. Leaning over Y/Ns sleeping body like a stone arch Remus reaches up for the blanket laid over the back of the sofa and slowly draps it over Y/N. Before pulling it all the way up he stops and listens, Y/N is muttering in his sleep.
"I ... I ... no ... we... we cant.... please.." followed by soft whimpering. Remus' eyes are stricken with concern. Then with an ungraceful whack the other door to the room swings open and Moody marches in "Y/N! Up! Those death eaters we've been tracking have been spotted on the other side of London". Before even opening his eyes Y/N promptly lifts up his torso "hhhmm sure Moody just one sec I.." and then he opens his eyes and is staring up and a stunned Remus, still leaning over him and half way through draping a blank over Y/Ns body. The taller man is like a shocked doe, frozen in spot not sure what to do. Only taking a few seconds to process the situation Y/N smiles tirdly up at Remus, placing his hand on Remus' upper arm "Thank you, tho Im going to have to ask for a rain check on the tucking in" and putting more of his weight onto Remus' arm he lift his body fully upright and over the arm of the sofa, beginning to trail on after Moody. Remus was caught breathless by this physical contact and it wasn't until the sound of the back door shutting, signalling they had left did he clear his throat, straighten up and begin to slowly fold up the blanket that was still in his hands.
"I know what your going to say" Remus says in an annoyed tone to the room sensing that Sirius is still standing in the doorway, arms folded and looking at him, "Oh good because I know what your going to say, you cant possibly tell him how you feel because he shouldn't have to be burdened with the likes of you and your condition and you deserve to die alone and brooding, Mooney if you weren't so loveable your level of self deprecation would be suffocating ". With a huff Remus places the blanket back onto the sofa "I say those things for a good reason Sirius, Y/N is already run off his feet I ... I just want him to be looked after" he says looking defeated at his friend. There's a moment of silence. "I will talk to Moody, see if he can give the lad a day off" Sirius says with a understanding nod, then leaves the room.
Two nights later Remus is lying awake listening to the rain, unable to sleep. The full moon was approaching soon and his senses were digging into him like pins from all directions, his ears picked up a clicking sound which he knows is the sound of the back door latch being opened two floors down. Y/N? Making his way down and towards the kitchen the sound of rain grows louder and opening the kitchen door Remus observed the pale blue light of the night filling the kitchen as the backdoor was wide opening, creating a perfectly framed rectangle of rain coming down steadily. A silhouette is standing in the frame, a small orange glow appearing under their face as they take a long drag from their cigarette, Y/N was staring out into the rain and didn't notice Remus until he closed the door behind him and began to walk towards his direction. At first Y/N looked shocked but upon seeing Remus face his own face relaxed "hello stranger" Y/N says with a smirk before dropping his cigarette to the floor and crushing it with his boot.
"Mind if I join you?" Remus was leaning on the opposite side of the door frame to Y/N pointing down at his packet of smokes. Y/N starts to take two fresh cigs out as a gust of wind goes by making him shudder slightly. "I enjoy watching the rain so much I forgot about the cold" he says with a nervous laugh looking down. Shadow falls over Y/N as he realise Remus is towering over him, arms rolling back and then moving forward as the taller man removes his cardigan and gently places is around Y/Ns shoulders. Slipping his arms into the sleeves Y/N doesn't protest and instead silently looks up into Remus piercing blue eyes. Maintaining eye contact he puts one cigarette into his own mouth and guides the second towards Remus's lips, the older man parts his lips slightly letting the cigarette be placed in his mouth. Leaning in closer till the cigarette tips are almost touching Y/N brings up the lighter and lights them both at once. Smoke begins to build up between them but their eyes stay connected.
Remus adored how deep Y/Ns Y/E/C eyes were, their intense stare made his heart flutter. He clears his throat and takes a drag. Within Remus felt like he was burning up. He had to tell Y/N about how he felt and how they couldn't do anything, it just wouldn't be fair on him. "Remus I need to tell you something" Y/N said breaking the intimate silence between them. "Okay" Remus tilted his head and looked down at Y/N as he brought his cigarette to his lips between his fingers. "Over the past week I've developed strong feelings for you.. really strong feelings" Y/Ns eyes are fixed on an unknown point outside as he taps ash onto the wet ground "I doubt you share them but regardless I need to let you know what nothing can happen here. Im not worth the trouble and it wouldn't be fair on you" Y/N looks up at Remus with a smsll sad smile. Remus is dumbfounded. This guy just stole my line he thought.
"Y/N.. how could you say that about yourself! You are extraordinarily considerate and caring. If i had to go a day without seeing your handwriting in our book i don't think id bother getting out of bed", Remus was taken aback by his own honestly, everything was coming out now so why stop. "Remus. Stop. This cant happen. I will cause you nothing but pain." Y/Ns tone is much more stern and has straighten up folding his arms across his chest, his chin just about the height of Remus' shoulder. "The only thing you currently cause me is worry Y/N" Remus blurts out "Your working yourself into the ground , I know everyone's missions are important but .. but I cant help but want to look after you." The rain is getting harder. "Im beyond help" mutters Y/N has he flicks his cigarette away "just stay away from me okay". "Y/N you are being ridicules" Remus says reaching out to touch Y/Ns shoulder but Y/N shoves it away forcefully. "Fuck you Lupin. You. Dont. Know. Me. You cant help me. No one can!" Y/Ns eyes are pricking with tears and with a spin of his heel he storms out into the rain. This time Remus reaches out and successfully grabs Y/Ns cardigan covered shoulder "wait please!". Y/Ns tears are mixed with the rain and he starts to struggle against Remus grip.
Remus's cardigan hung lose over Y/Ns upper body so with his thrashing and Remus tight grip and piece of clothing began to slip off Y/Ns body with ease until it was left in shambles in Remus arms. He stood hunched in the door frame, Y/N stood up straight, breathing heavily in the pouring rain, both staring at Y/Ns outstretched arm from where the cardigan had left. Remus' eyes widen in disbelief. A distinct red mark flowed up Y/Ns arm like a curling spiral with a thin whiter lined mark within the red, almost looked as it it was glowing. It looked as if Y/N had barbed wire under his skin. Remus had read about this many of time but had never seen it in real life but there was no mistaking the permeant mark of the Unbreakable Vow.
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fushiglow · 2 months
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i saw this fa and immediately thought of over the threshold!! tsumiki would totally be so loved by the audience on produce ahahah (and ofc by her family ❤️) if tsumiki was in this story, what would that look like? :D
i also wanted to ask about the audience’s reaction to satoru dedicating a song to suguru at his concert!!! as someone who is in kpop fandoms (which is also why this fic is so dear to me, the parallels with the challenges and pressures they face;;) i can just imagine all the takes fans would immediately have about the whole thing AHAHA also makes me go aww that suguru couldn’t fully enjoy the performance but sksjddj i loved the angst sm
i also have sm questions about satoru’s past but that’s spoilers LOL and i love learning alongside suguru about the layers satoru has… there’s so much to unpack i’m so excited to see how both stsg’s pasts unfold…!! including megumi and gojo’s past AAAAA their bond in every universe is really everything to meeeee and gojo being a support for the next generation criiiies *plays snooze by agust d* AND CHOSO AND GETO? what went onnnnnnnnn i also did not get the sugar-ooh until geto did and it was such a fun revelation my jaw literally DROPPED LOOOOL
i find the way you write stsg so so fascinating too how they bring out different sides to each other like when satoru speaks quieter and sincerely and suguru (and us readers) is hit with realizing again and again that there’s so much he doesn’t know and hasn’t figured out yet about satoru which makes this even more compelling [big heart] ah i love this fic so much and i’m so happy to have found your writing (i will never ever ever ever get over rivers crossed mountains scaled omg) and am veryyyyy much looking forward to what comes next for them!!!
also so sorry this was long and a mix of questions and comments skdkdk for future reference do u prefer these via tumblr or ao3?
OHHHH I love you so much for dropping this in my inbox 😭
So, Tsumiki is definitely present in the Threshold universe! Gojo didn't mention her by name when he was telling Megumi's story, but when he said Megumi didn't want the Zen'in fortune because he's "stubborn as hell", he was talking about Tsumiki.
It's a parallel to canon basically. The Zen'in — obsessed with bloodlines as they are — seriously underestimated the strength of the Fushiguro siblings' bond when they refused to factor Tsumiki into their discussions with Megumi. Hence, he followed Gojo into music rather than rely on their dirty money. That's why the Zen'in blame Gojo, even though it's really just because Megumi's a spiteful little so-and-so! 😏
Because of the parallels with canon, Megumi would try to keep Tsumiki away from the toxicity of the music industry as much as possible — hence why she wasn't at the album launch. However, I like to think that her career is adjacent to Megumi's in some capacity! As much as I love writing about the Fushiguro siblings' relationship with Gojo, the inclusion of that story served more to give Suguru a look into the real Gojo Satoru, so she's unlikely to feature in this fic. I think continuing their story would require a sequel — which I'm not even gonna think about until Threshold is finished... I'm not, I'm not thinking about it!
As for Gojo's dedication at the concert, he spoke in Japanese so Suguru would understand him, so most of the audience wouldn't have known what he was saying immediately. However, I'm sure the online reactions once the videos were translated and passed around were very interesting! Having said that, it's hard to communicate the nuances of the Japanese language in an English language fic. To most English speakers, "this was the first song I played for them" seems like a deliberate omission of gender, but that's not the case in Japanese. So, I imagined Gojo using his native tongue very responsibly in that moment, sticking to language that sounds purely professional — but that wouldn't stop fans from speculating 👀
I'm not planning to explore Gojo's past in *too* much detail because it's mostly his present and his future that are relevant to the story. Meanwhile, it's Suguru with the big fat question mark over his past... 🫠 So, if you want to ask questions, go ahead and I will simply avoid sharing spoilers! As for where to ask questions, Tumblr lends itself to longer answers so if you enjoyed this response, probably best to ask here! However, AO3 comments feed my body and soul so feel free to leave those too... It's whatever you prefer really 🥰
Megumi and Gojo's relationship is everything to me tooooo, no one can stop me from shoehorning it into every damn fic I write! So happy you're enjoying SatoSugu's dynamic in this story — and that you enjoyed Rivers Crossed so much! Thank you so so much for all your kind words, and your interest in the fic! I loved answering this soooo much ♥
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avisisisis · 2 years
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I keep seeing people saying that Raph is the strong one of the group, but that's not true, so I have decided to give them all roles because why not.
!! Spoilers for the movie and the series !!
• Leo is the leader and the strategist
The leader part is really obvious since it's a canon thing, so I'm going to focus on the strategist thing.
As we see many times in both the series and the movies, Leo is a reckless, maybe kind of stupid, person. He tells dumb jokes and annoys people 24/7. He doesn't really seem like a good strategist. Well, if you think that, then you are even more than wrong, my dear not-friend! In both the series and the movie we also see how great of a strategist he is. Sure, the others also had their time to shine and show that they're also pretty smart when it comes to it (except for Donnie, that guy is smart all the time. Not when it comes to emotions tho), but it's honestly clear who the strategist is.
In the first fight against Shredder, we see how he was able to trick Big Mama, who always has another card under her sleeve. And, sure, it turned out that it actually favored her, but it doesn't mean that he didn't do it. Also, that's not the only time we see him outsmarting his enemies. He's cunning and manipulative, and he can easily trick people into doing what he wants. The main problem he deals with is how even if he has a main idea of what to do next, he doesn't always tell it to the others, making them fail a lot (communication issues baby). He's better at working alone, but at the same time he isn't, because he needs his family for his attacks to be effective. I'd talk more about this, but I need space for the others.
• Donnie is the inventor and the brains
That's easy to see, since he's the one who builds their gear, but let me elaborate a bit.
One thing I love about this Donnie is how he's not a pacifist. The other Donnies aren't either, but they're more willing to listen if it means evading a fight (I think there was an ep where someone says “we're not looking for a fight!” and Don answers with “who says we aren't?” or something like that). This Donnie is also kind of reckless (not Leo reckless, but reckless) and jumps onto the battle often without a plan.
The difference between him and the others when it comes to plans, is that while he doesn't have one, it's hard for him to lose the fight because of how smart he is. He calculates his every move, making sure that the person/yokai/mutant he fights with is always someone he can actually fight with (and even if he can't, he always has his tech with him).
One of his most important character traits is how he invents stuff. He always, and by that I mean always has his tech on to support him and his brothers. If it weren't because of this, then there's a huge probability that he and the others would already be dead from even before the series started. His main issue is how he relies on it too much, so when his tech fails, he doesn't really have anything else to defend himself with (unless his family is there with him. Also, the ninpo, but he's already showed his disgust with using mystic stuff many times).
• Raph is the protector
Many people say that Raph is the strong one, but that's not true. Sure, he is strong, but he's not the strongest.
It's a canon fact that Splinter wasn't always for them when the boys were young. He's not really to blame because of that (I mean, with the amount of trauma he has I'm not surprised he didn't always interact with them. I'm not saying it was okay, but he did have it rough, and even then he did his best to be a good father), but he still neglected them. It's also a canon fact that Raph takes over the role of the big brother very seriously. Ever since he was young, he had been protecting his brothers, even if that meant being a little bit too overprotective (Mikey's solo mission). He's always been there with them, taking the hard hits and not letting them get hurt.
One of the biggest examples of this is his sacrifice on the movie. He literally shields Leo with his own body, breaking his she'll (ouch). And when Leo sacrificed himself, we see so many feelings on his face, and he's for sure thinking how he should be the one to be in Leo's place because he's the oldest, he's supposed to protect them.
• Mikey's the strong one (the powerhouse)
Now this is what I wanted to talk about!
When I say strong one, I don't only mean physically, I also mean mentally (and mystically). Mikey's canonically the ‘therapist’ of the group (haha kin), taking over the name of Doctor Feelings to, well, talk to his family about his feelings, helping them accept them, etc. That's a really hard job to do, and it's easy for a person to fall so deep into that ‘I most help them’ mentality that they stop caring about themselves. So yes, you need to be really strong for that.
He's also physically strong as fuck. I mean, the little guy threw a whole building at the Krang, you can't tell me he's weak.
But the thing he's the strongest at is his mystic powers. In the first episode he's the first one to ‘unlock’ his mystic weapon (even if it did hit him in the face. Literally), and in the movie he literally opens a portal to the future and to another dimension. Leo can also open portals, but his portals year through space, not time. He's also “the greatest mystic warrior the world had ever seen”, so yeah, him being the strongest in the whole mystic thing is canon.
I had this in my mind for a looong while and was planning on talking about it but never did it. There are actually so many things I wanted to talk about but never published because I actually wanted to make a fanfic out of them. My friend (shoutout to Mari. Love you girl) told me to share everything as an idea, a concept, instead of a whole story. I love her very much.
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G/T Fiber Arts (In a Nutshell)
This is my attempt to explain what exactly I mean by g/t vibes when it comes to fiber arts. I'm mostly curious if this is a Vibe that other people feel about it, but it just hasn't been talked about so we don't know that we agree? Idk, please hit me up if this at all resonates.
For a quick summary for those who don't know, fiber art is a category of art that uses textiles (yarn, fabric, thread, and in general natural or synthetic fibers). They're a labor of love since a good chunk of them are traditionally, as well as in the modern day, done by hand, though there have been machines invented that can get the job done quickly. Fiber arts include but are not limited to: knitting, crochet, sewing, quilting, embroidery, cross stitch, needlepoint, weaving, spinning, dying (as in yarn or fabric), and many others that I'm sure I'm missing.
Also for those who don't know, g/t is short for giant/tiny and refers to the phenomenon of significant size difference, usually between characters in media. Major mainstream examples include The Iron Giant, Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, Gulliver's Travels, or The Borrowers, to name a few.
I've been into fiber arts for about 14 years as of writing this! I've been a knitter and crocheter for that time, and since the pandemic have become a sewist and quilter. And like most of us, g/t has been with me for pretty much as long as I can remember. I'm by no means an expert in anything I do, but I've been at it for long enough to have a lot of Feelings about where these two interests overlap.
It's a bit hard to put those feelings into words, so apologies in advance if this turns into a bit of a ramble.
Fiber arts aside, I feel like most people in the g/t community are starved enough for proper content that we rely on Vibes to cope. It's about the Feeling of something being big or small, or making you feel big or small, whatever tickles your fancy at the time. The best way I can think to equate this in the fiber art world is: things someone made that I can imagine as being made or used by someone who's big or small.
Those big, chunky blankets people knit with their hands out of really thick merino? Major tiny vibes!
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Patchwork clothes or quilts made from teeny amounts of fabric from all different colors and types? Hella giant vibes!
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And don't even get me started on no-waste fashion!
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I plan on going into further detail in separate posts so this doesn't turn into more of a novel, but I hope this makes sense as a (somewhat) brief overview of how I view G/T Vibes in fiber arts! Do let me know if you agree, and if there are other things that give you The Vibes!
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solistair · 2 years
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Hello, everyone! ♥ I just got back home from a long day at the office, ready to prepare for another four like it, and was just told about the comments EA Support have made. I've taken some time out of my evening to scroll a few social medias to check out what I've missed, and to try and say what’s on my chest.
I wanted to open my own heart for a moment of weakness to share my view before disappearing off social media to find the mental strength to be able to finish this workweek. In order to get all my thoughts out on what I’ve seen, I’ve taken many notes to address a variety of things and this is gonna be long. But at least now I feel like I’ve said all I want.
Whether you choose to read this or not, I hope your week started well and will continue to be a good one!
I was shocked to see so many have grouped people as "bad" or "good", saying that if a creator uses Early Access they are selfish and greedy and have no love for the community, only purpose for creating being the money. Jumping to conclusions without the heart to know the person, or their story, or a single care in the world for either is what sounds awful to me. If this black and white thinking is how you see the world I feel it says much more about you than anyone else earning something from a creative hobby.
Yes, there are creators out there who earn obscene amounts of money off this and, sadly, exclusivity. But for every one big of them, there's hundreds smaller who earn a week's dinners worth, or even less. Not everyone makes rent money, not everyone can rely on it. How can you draw a single line without any care for the person behind the screen?
My opinion: Early Access is free items. You get the items entirely for free, however many times you'd like to download it. Absolutely no money needs to be involved for you to be able to reach the "download" button. All that is asked of you is to maybe bookmark the page for a little later down the line. People who want and are able to support, do. People who don't want to or aren't able to, don't. The item, in time, will still be entirely, wholly available for you to get. There is nothing about the process of it that forces you to pay. If it does, that is paywalling. That is exclusive content. That is what I believe has forced their hand. And the perpetual corporate greed to squeeze money from any walking wallet.
For me, you are the ones who saved me after covid hit. I had barely anything for food and relied so heavily on the people around me I have no words for the shame I felt. I created in the free time while looking for a job for months on end, and was eventually able to cover food costs for the month, which many times brought me to tears. For that, and your continued support since, I will be forever grateful.
I have been a part of the community since the release of The Sims, I've been through every single pack and remember years of enjoyment. My love for the game, or the community, is not one that will fade. Creating has been an incredible creative outlet for me that has helped me maintain my mental health while gradually having a busier life. In addition to that, the earnings I've made monthly from your support has helped me cover food costs and any new packs for content, which has left my money from my job to cover rent and living costs, as well as paying off my debts.
Could I continue creating and earn nothing? Of course, I did it for five years before Patreon, so I don't see how that could ever change. Then, however, I didn't have a full-time job or responsibilites that took up most my life. I just had my room, warm food provided by a kind parent, some music, and my computer. Life has gotten richer, but also much heavier. I never created just for the money, but the sudden additional income helped me make it a priority in my life, making it not only beneficial for my mental health but for my financial well-being as well.
Please give a moment to understand people's stories. Please let your heart and mind grow to those who may not have lived, perhaps, as luckily as you, or to those who have wholeheartedly given their time to create and in the end happened to earn something from it. There are wonderful people out there, too. Being good and earning money from something you love doing are not mutually exclusive.
I have made promises for August that I intend to keep. I believe this time will be sufficient to also see whether the support messages will go to their public channel for a definite reply. And no, I am not saying I'm blindly ignoring the message in the support chat. I'm saying that I want to fulfill the promises that I've made this month while waiting to see if we will receive confirmation from them, and not support.
For the risk of losing any other rights in the community, I can't say for certain how post-August will look like. Risking losing CC as a whole would be a very heavy hit. And from what I’ve seen on my dash already, I can't say that people who don't know or care for me won't label me as something to support their own perspective. But do know, if anything, that everything I have made for this community, has been with love.
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roydeezed · 11 months
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One Piece-Chapter Round-Up(Chapter 1083)
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Okay so this week is probably the first normal chapter we’ve had in a while after Oda’s streak of absolute 11/10 chapters in the last few weeks. It was just a 10/10 chapter. Average really. Jokes aside though, if you’re a One Piece fan and reading this, can I just take a moment to gush about how amazing this series and its community are? Like, we’re all over the world. Most of us don’t even share a language or continent, much less the same country. We all got into it at different points in the past 25 years and at different points in our lives. And it’s affected us all so much. I can’t help but romanticize such a romantic series. It’s been a journey for us as much as it has been for the Straw Hats. And like with every journey, it’s going to come to an end too. It’s bittersweet but I can still remember the feeling I had reading certain chapters and moments. Where I was during Rocketman’s chase in Enies Lobby, what I was doing during Skypeia, how stormy and dark it was outside when I first saw Hogback, and how reading Ace’s death shocked me for the entire school day. And all of that’s coming to an end. I know a lot of people joke about Oda’s estimate that One Piece is going to end soon, but if you’ve paid attention, his insistence that it’s going to end in 2025 has always remained the same. I bring this up because in a recent announcement about the live-action show, Oda brought it up again. I think we all realised it when “He Laughed” happened, but One Piece is going to end soon. I just want to say I’m really glad I got to take part in this journey. And meet and talk with people in real life and over the internet about it. And also enjoy the creativity it’s inspired in the readers too. We’re really lucky to have such an awesome series and awesome community be a constant in our lives for the past while.
Okay rose coloured glasses Roy over, it’s time to shift over into analysis mode. I know it’s not for everyone but I love One Piece politicking so much! But before we get into that below the cut, I just want to talk about how adorable and sinister the cover page is. Doffy is helping out the baby chick but he’s so doing it to manipulate it later. Never change Doffy, stay despicable. Alright see ya down there!
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Okay, so we get into some really intense political and tactical discussions right away. This chapter is almost laid out like the establishing chapter of a big battle, like we’ve seen in Alabasta and Dressrosa. Where we needed to know the locations and particular struggles of each battle. But it’s not going to be a battle. At least not in the fisticuffs sense. It’s more subtle. But that’s exactly why Oda is being so thorough in this chapter. Oda prefers to rely on the art to tell the story as much as he can so with the amount of dialogue in this chapter it’s almost like that one chapter of Hunter X Hunter. You know the one.
Right away, we get Sabo establishing the objectives they set out to accomplish and Dragon and Iva clarifying to what degree they were successful. It’s a really effective tool to deliver expository dialogue and reminds me a lot of the way Christopher Nolan delivers it in his movies. It’s necessary to do it in such a direct way to take the hit of setting things up as early and in short an amount of time as possible but it’s also punchy and dynamic as the deliverer of each set of expository dialogue gets to showcase what their priorities and personality are. 
So the objectives. Let’s start with the first. Destroying the celestial Dragon’s symbol. It’s really interesting how the Revo’s symbolic targets are the Celestial Dragons. To me this, and Sabo’s realistic morals later on, symbolize a muddled goal. Because, in the way One Piece deals with dreams and ideals, it doesn’t leave space for realism. Dreams are meant to be outlandish and unreal and way too far out of reach. They shouldn’t be realistic. But this chapter grounds it all. Makes us face the realism of it. And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love it, the crunchy technicality of it all. And I think this is an incredibly smart way to go about it. But if we’re looking at this through the ideals Oda has set up, I think he’s saying this is the wrong way to go about it. It reminds me of how way back in Sabaody, Rayleigh said that the Straw Hats might come to a different conclusion once they learn the true history. And how the twenty kingdoms destroyed the Ancient Kingdom and took over. I think there’s a parallel there and it’s about how systems of power will continue to oppress if only the cogs in it are replaced. Meaning, the Revo’s could end up just becoming the new oppressors. It’s a cycle of power and abuse perpetrated by the system. 
Destroying the symbol of the Dragons also parallels with how the Straw Hats destroyed the flag of the Marines. Their attack wasn’t planned ahead of time. It was the fastest way to show Robin that they didn’t care who came after them. What she meant to them. This is also what the Revo’s are trying to show the world but the thought and planning of it, belies to us the impurity of it all. This also ties into the third objective Sabo mentioned. Destroying their food reserves and how the Revo’s were placing the Holy land under siege. The Dragons are horrible people. That, no one can deny. And I love the righteous rage of the Revo’s, Iva and especially Sabo. But notice the joy Iva takes in having them go hungry. How dramatic it’s made to be. It’s role reversal. What the Revo’s are doing may be right, but they’re just taking on the role of the oppressors at this point. And I know it’s not as cut and dry as that. That’s war. That’s why I love how Oda has injected this into the story. There’s always been great evil and great good front and center in the story. But the middle ground? The grey area? That’s always been lurking but is equally important. Now that we’re reaching the endgame, Oda has finally decided to let it take center stage and I’m so glad he has. If anything I can see this dividing the community and I am here for it. Because I think that’s when Oda is going to show us how the Straw Hats handle this. And that’s to dream and reach for an impossible ideal. I’m so excited!
Before we get into discussing the final goal, I also want to point out how casually Dragon mentions that eight of the twelve nations' uprisings were successful. You know what that means right? Four of those nations are going to incur a heavy punishment. And Lulusia has already paid the price. Sabo also mentions how Cobra was an acceptable loss but we’ll get more into that later. But this is the collateral damage the Revo’s are willing to accept. We know Luffy would never accept that. And that’s another point of Oda’s genius. The One Piece world is so nuanced. Because I strongly believe that Luffy is going to abolish almost all, if not all systems of oppression. And Oda wants Luffy’s blind hope to set an example. But he also realizes that it would kinda set the wrong message if the oppressed were told to seek out a peaceful resolution, because the world doesn’t work like that. So I think he’s using the Revo’s to soften the blow of it all. Where they’ll weaken the systems of oppression and somewhat take it over, but leave it in a weak enough state that Luffy can dismantle it. That way Oda can have his cake and eat it too. Speculation but I strongly believe it. 
And now finally the second point. The freeing of the slaves and Kuma. We’ve barely gotten off of the first page and I've written two pages of this in my google docs. I’m sorry for the length yall hahaha. But this chapter is incredibly dense. This point, of freeing the slaves, is probably the most uncriticizable of their goals. It’s definitely the system of power I can see the Revo’s outright abolishing. It also plays into the squeeze they’re putting on the Celestial Dragons. Not only have they lost their food but also their labor force. We also know that Sabo helped to free the slaves by finding the keys to their collars and that Bonney is in the area too and that she’s trying to free Kuma so I wonder if Sabo and her helped each other out. But Bonney is also the reason I think we’re going to see this lead right back into Egghead as she’ll fill in the blanks. 
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Next, we get the announcement of a new set of bad guys who are directly loyal to the Dragons. Oda really can’t help himself. I believe Oda when he says One Piece is going to end soon, but things like this are why I don’t blame people for thinking otherwise. Oda’s the type to create 99 alts in an mmo before finishing the story with any of them (this comment is gw2 coded). But on either side of this reveal we get discussions on the part the media plays in this revolution. When I first saw Dragon mention that the media censored everything, I was a bit confused as I didn’t understand how the nations knew to rebel. But then I remembered the posters of Sabo and read closer. The news censored the mentions of other nations rebelling, but are mostly letting the truth get out about what the Revo’s did. I’m really interested in Big News Morgan as a character. Because on one hand, this all feels very calculated and in favour of the Revo’s while placating the government, but also Morgans seems to be someone only wanting to tell the best story while ignoring the inconvenient facts.
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This all leads to the Flames of Rebellion. See, the way the story is playing out, with Sabo being the poster child of the rebellion, seems to work in favour of the Marines, as it gives them one symbol to take down and end the rebellion. But in actuality, it makes an unkillable symbol. Because if they let him live, he goes on to do more heroic deeds and raise the profile of the Revo’s. But if they kill him, he becomes a martyr and a symbol for greater revolution. That’s why this feels like Morgans is hoodwinking the marines in the guise of helping them and secretly helping the Revo’s. Or this could just be him telling the best story he could find. Either way this chapter must have been important to him as it did contain a lot of “Big News!”
And now, to get into Sabo’s character. I love Sabo. But very specifically the adult version of him. As a set with Luffy and Ace, he wasn’t as dynamic as them. But as the Flame Emperor?!? He’s just perfect. He’s spurred on by a righteous rage stemming from years living with an unfocused anger. For the longest time, arguably his formative years, he grew up not knowing why he was so angry. He didn’t have any context to his anger but everytime he saw injustice in the world it felt like that anger grew. He was of two worlds so he can’t remain impartial or unrealistic. He has to pick one to avoid getting swamped by the other. And it’s a flame of anger he has to keep stoked by fighting and rebelling. He’s worried that if he doesn’t it’ll go out and then he’ll have no purpose. That’s why, while his humble nature doesn’t let him play too hard into the role of “Flame Emperor”, his self sacrificing side and righteous anger see it as only proper that he be the kindling to the flame of rebellion, just as Cobra was. It’s a guilt of being a cog in the machines of oppression. Cobra was a cog just like Sabo. Or so he believes. That’s why he’s okay with both of their deaths. Maybe the mera-mera-no-mi only picks users that see themselves as sacrifices, as kindling to greater causes. One thing we know for sure is that Luffy won’t let that happen this time. 
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This picture absolutely sends me. If I saw this even I would be like, yo Sabo, this you? But I wonder? Sabo looked surprised at the picture. If Sabo never went near Cobra, could this be a reintroduction to Bon Clay? We always knew Bon was morally ambiguous, their greatest loyalty to only to their friends. So this could be a deal made with bon Clay to frame Sabo as a killer. Only for it to backfire, maybe due to Morgans meddling. Or this could just be an unlucky arrival by Sabo just in time for the picture. Though I wonder about that because it would be right in front of the Gorosei, who have been teased to be powerful, so they would’ve just cut Sabo down.
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Anyways, moving on because this post is dragging and I am also running out of time irl, gotta go do something, we get into the actual flashback. We get the absolute chaos of scattered forces, a showcase of the despicable nature of the Dragons, and the reintroduction of one of my new favorite Revo’s now, Karasu. This only happened because of this chapter. (Karasuno Fly! Yeah I'm a Haikyuu fan too, what of it)(Okay weird tangent but by typing the Celestial Dragons as Dragons so many times, something in my brain unlocked and I just want to point out that Kaido being a dragon mirrors Luffy’s fight against the Celestial Dragons, with the big punch taking him out also mirroring Luffy punching the celestial dragon back in Sabaody, okay tangent over) Karasu is so dedicated to his crow aesthetic that he made a totally unrelated fruit work to enhance it and themed his attack style after it. Mad respect to him. But it also shows how fruit users define the fruit and not vice versa. Love the other captains too but Karasu has shot to near the top of my favourite Revo’s list. 
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We also get Fujitora, a marine who despises the Dragons attempting to call down a meteor. Oda is able to inject humour into even the most serious situations. But compared to a lot of the fights over the series we see how tactical and precise the Revo’s are. What they’re doing is messy but they’ve planned it all out. They’re holding back the admirals while Sabo gets the keys. They’ve destroyed the food supplies and the symbol already, taking care of the instant tasks probably at the same time. It’s surgical. 
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And now we get the main setup panel. It tells us what’s at stake and where everyone is. Sabo freeing Kuma will not only save Shirahoshi from the Celestial Dragon (forgive me, these shitstains are the only characters whose names I actively forget), but it will also accomplish Bonney’s goal. I’m eager to see how that plays out. 
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I love Vivi so much. She often seems like the only one with a full awareness of events. She usually has a hyper awareness of events. We see her confronting Lucci, having her, who I see as a Straw Hat, meet one of their recurring foes she hasn’t had a chance to meet yet. I don’t remember if it was established earlier when we saw the reverie for the first time but the rest of CP0 was also seen in this chapter. 
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And finally we come to Cobra. He leaves his guards behind and goes into see the Gorosei. Alone. You realize what this means. First of all. The assumption that Sabo is telling the truth is what we’re going ahead with. Which means. That the Gorosei outright murdered Cobra. That’s… huge. What could he have talked about that prompted such a reaction? With no break next week and such an extensive set-up chapter I feel like there’s a chance we find out real soon. CHOO CHOO, THIS HYPE TRAIN HAS NO BREAKS!!! LET’S GO ROCKETMAN!!!
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w3bpunk · 10 months
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Hmm ok. So I'm going to comment on this, not because I feel like defending staff. But because misinformation is the enemy of improvement, and posts like this dont give an accurate impression of what is actually happening behind the scenes. I don't expect OP to listen to me because they've made their stance clear, but I think this is useful to write for my own blog and recording-keeping. The sanitization of the internet and data privacy are topics I think about frequently, and that's what I started this blog for.
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Let's start with OP's tags. I want to talk about the original December 2018 porn ban that occurred when Yahoo owned Tumblr. These are screenshots from Wikipedia.
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I find it hard to believe that Yahoo would have any reason to believe that what they were doing would be popular or profitable. It is true that if they were unable to stay in the app store they would also lose money since it's a fair guess most of Tumblr's users rely on the app. But this was so very clearly not the big bucks move, because let's be honest-- adult content is very profitable. It is just so easy to get hit by legal trouble if you want to do it safely. Here's a quote from the CEO of Automattic.
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What I want to zero in on here is the fact that identity verification is mentioned as a necessity factor. For me, that is a frightening thing to propose. I don't especially want to be sending that information online, because data breaches can ruin your life. Now, what I don't understand is Tumblr users wanting sex workers to be permitted on here freely, while also decrying the data collection of Tumblr Live (more on that later) and not understanding that these two viewpoints are not really compatible.
Some might even call it hypocritical, which is ironic because there are people in the tags in this original post calling staff hypocritical for "allowing" Tumblr Live to show things that violate the TOS like this. Well that's the thing. This is "allowed" just as much as the porn bots are, which is to say that staff does not have the resources to spend labor hours on this problem because they are not making a profit and cannot cover it all.
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I really wonder about people who say things like this. Do you want this website to function like you believe it should or not? Blaming staff for this is more or less equivalent to blaming waitstaff at a restaurant for being slow being they're understaffed. And the irony is here that Automattic is not understaffing Tumblr because they refuse to pay their employees. It is because they are currently operating at a deficit.
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These are excerpts from a more comprehensive post by Tumblr's COO. If you want to read the full post, it is reblogged before this one.
In short-- you want to talk about profits? Yahoo lost so much money they had to sell. Tumblr's current parent company isn't profiting off of it either. Imagining Tumblr as money-hungry is about as accurate as saying needing money for your own labor at work is money-hungry. If you care about Tumblr existing at all, Automattic is probably the best candidate for the job based on them running WordPress. And WordPress is FOSS.
If you're unfamiliar with what that means, it means that WordPress' source code is available for the community to view and make suggestions for, and the service is free. This is how Linux's community functions. It is a huge deal if you want any chance at defesting corporations like Meta or Google or Microsoft. You can see Automattic feels a type of way about it from their company values (automattic.com/creed). Not to say I give them my full and open trust, but that I look at it with cautious optimism, and we need more people to value what FOSS does for us.
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Lastly, let's talk about these comment tags from a reblog on the original post. I already briefly touched on the idea of data privacy, but what data does Tumblr Live collect from users?
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The answer is that Tumblr Live collects age, username, and IP location. They also have a policy where you do not need to show your face for age verification purposes. That's IP location, and not GPS location like some apps use. Therefore, if you use a VPN, all Tumblr Live would have to identify you is your username and your age. I cannot stress how much nonsense it is to put this on the same tier as say, Discord. Discord is about to start scraping user messages in order to train chatbots. That is so many times worse because the data being collectived is much more sensitive. You, as a conscious user of the internet, need to make a distinction between what is actually sensitive data and what isn't. Not just stopping at "this service collects data" and seeing red. This is actually important in order to articulate what is and isn't okay for corporations to do with your data. One more thing-- the contractor being used for Tumblr Live is actually European themselves. They're based in Germany, who have always been more stringent about private data than the US.
Okay. I think that's enough. Unlike OP, my ask box is open for conversation about this. This wasn't written to be a dick, but because I wanted to do my due diligence here. My citations aren't perfect but if you would like me to extrapolate about something with a source, I will.
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classicsapphicships · 11 months
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The next round of intermission polls will be up later this afternoon, but I want to talk about something I'm seeing a lot of in the tags as these polls go on. And that is the question 'how can you vote for a ship that's not canon?'
First and to get it out of the way, I want to say that canon representation is so, so important. From including non-white actors to including non-straight relationships, the changes in media and fandom over the past decade have been huge. The fact that we can have canon interracial queer relationships is amazing, and I in no way want to take steps back from that. I want media and fandom to keep pushing forward, to the point that it's not a big thing. To the point it's just the way things are.
But with all of that, I also want fandom to realize that not everything has to be canon to be 'worthy'.
Fandom is built on creation and community. From sharing fanfiction through mailed newsletters and stapled together zines, making fanvids with VCRs, all the way up to today where you can hit 'post' and thousands of people can see it instantly. It's still about community, from those early days where fandom was secret and contained to today when it's known and expected to drive a show's success. And community does not rely on what ships are and are not canon.
For example. Xena/Gabrielle just swept the first bracket, and I saw so many people commenting about how they were canon as they made their way through the rounds. But they're not.
Now, they might be ABC- All But Canon. Not even going to try and deny that one even to make a point. But they aren't canon. Arguably the largest femslash couple in fandom today, and they aren't canon. Why? Because the studio/network/whoever was making the final call wouldn't let them be. Does that make them less worth or important than the canon representation we get in more recent shows?
Even today, networks and studios and such still have final say on where the writers are allowed to take their shows and relationships. And while things are changing and moving forward, these brackets look back at where femslash fandom came from. The ships that got us here long before canon queer representation was common.
There was a time where a show would have a dozen different ships as every combination of characters was paired together by someone, because we all gravitate towards different aspects of a character. And yeah, sometimes that made for some serious ship wars and dark times. But for the most part, 'ship and let ship' was a common refrain. One person could ship characters A and B, and another person ship characters A and C, and that was fine. Or they could see A and B as purely platonic and ship C and D. And there was room in the fandom for all of that. Some fandoms were better about it than others, but overall.
I think fandom has truly lost something when so much today is about what is and isn't canon. Because rarely is it about the representation and more about being 'Right' in your ship. Of course it's the Only Correct Option, they're Canon. I can Prove I'm right. Your ship is only fanon, it can't compare to my Canon Ship.
And the fandom old part of me will never not be saddened by that, and how much space for creativity we lose when we only explore the areas some network executive says we can.
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purplekoop · 5 months
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So like. I think people already figured out where I was going with this.
Ashe B.O.B.
Role: Tank Health: 500 (250 normal, 250 armor)
So when I implied that I'd be turning "Ashe" into a Tank, I think at least somebody saw through me there. Obviously there's a number of thematically appropriate ways to bulk up one of the existing non-tank heroes into a tankish stature, but Ashe is probably the farthest removed of any of the cast from the kind of biological or mechanical shenanigans I've been relying on for tankifying the cast so far. Luckily, I didn't need to, because B.O.B. is right there, and I feel like playable B.O.B. is what people have wanted since late 2018 anyways. So, here we are.
B.O.B. is a character design who I think needs no substantial changes to fit as a playable Tank. He's big, he's made of metal, and that's enough justification for me. In the lore he's actually specified to have his chassis fit with extra armor plating, so it makes sense then that he can take a hit better than other "civilian class" Omnics like Zenyatta.
There is one thing I feel would need to change about B.O.B. though for him to fit as a playable hero: he probably needs a voice. This is for technical reasons more than anything. Overwatch as a game very much relies on audio cues to communicate a lot of information, with things as obvious as ultimate voice lines and automatic callout voice lines to things as subtle as the sound of your weapon changing when you're running out of ammo. The only hero who doesn't talk is Bastion, but I doubt another hero who uses non-verbal sounds to communicate wouldn't work as well in addition to Bastion. It'd be a bit confusing to discern what beebly-boops are coming from who, especially for new players. This is also (at least presumably) why Roadhog talks a lot more in-game than he does in the supplementary media, where he tends to only admit one or two lines per story compared to only being slightly less chatty than other heroes in actual matches. Of course, the very obvious and inherently agreeable solution here is to give B.O.B. a very stereotypical posh british butler accent. Between that and at least one of his abilities, I'm imagining a personality somewhere between Alfred from Batman and Dudley from Street Fighter.
But alright, enough yapping already, time to get into the Big Omnic Butler's kit. In general, B.O.B. would be a more aggression-focused tank that plays better in offensive scenarios, but still offers his team with substantial protection while impeding the enemy.
His simplest ability is one we're used to and terrified of already in game: his Arm Cannons. I actually had to do some in-game testing to see how the animation for his firing actually works, so I'll explain how it'd work for the playable version. The Arm Cannon is a 6-barrel rotating weapon, as you can see here.
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Each pair of barrels will fire two hitscan shots one after the other rapidly before switching to the next pair via rotation in a seamless fashion with no downtime between rotations. However, the weapon's fire rate will speed up as it spins up, making continuous fire build up to an increased DPS. However, the spread of bullets will also increase as the spinning speeds up. The cannons also don't need to manually reload, instead relying on an overheat system like (normal OW2) Orisa, which will cause the weapon to malfunction for just shy of two seconds. The bullets also have damage falloff that favors close-range usage harder than most hitscan weapons. While this weapon can headshot, it has a reduced 1.5x multiplier instead of the standard 2x, making precise aim less mandatory. This weapon excels at laying down suppressive fire with minimal downtime, especially at close range, but has a risk-reward element in balancing the spin-up speed and the overheat mechanic. Also worth noting that for the sake of simplicity, B.O.B. only has a right-hand Arm Cannon, unlike his non-playable counterpart who swaps hands whenever he switches targets.
B.O.B.'s first ability is... admittedly something I made up for the sake of him functioning better as a protective defender style of tank, Portable Barricade. B.O.B. tosses down a device that extends into a rod-like shape with small wheels on the sides, then projects a barrier upwards. It's a rectangular barrier not as wide as normal Rein's but just about as tall, and it does barrier things like the normal game ones. However, Portable Barricade's unique trait is that after 1 second of being deployed, it will roll forward in the direction it was placed at about half of the normal forward move speed for players. This, obviously, is meant to encourage it be used for advancing pushes instead of holding ground, though the initial one second before it starts moving should give players on both sides time to react to its presence. The Barricade has about 1,000 HP, and will last after either rolling ahead for 6 seconds or if it collides with a wall and can't move any further. If it rolls to a ledge, then it will remain in place on that edge for the remainder of its duration. The ability itself has a somewhat long cooldown that starts as soon as it's thrown out.
This next one should feel a little more familiar: Running Upper. B.O.B. takes a split second to ready for a dash, then runs ahead at high speeds with his left arm ahead, and his right arm ready to swing an uppercut at any foes he collides with. The logistics of this ability are also pretty similar to Reinhardt's Charge, though the startup period is more brief. You still run ahead much faster, but your turning speed is restricted. B.O.B. also takes half damage from the front while charging, but this does not block any other effects of that damage. The uppercut itself functions like you expect still knocking any enemies near the impact range upwards, though its damage is reduced from 120 to 80. The duration of the dash is shorter than it is for the non-playable B.O.B., and it can be cancelled early by pressing the ability input again, causing B.O.B. to dig his feet into the ground to grind to a stop. It also will collide with other "Charge" abilities, such as Doomfist punch and another B.O.B.'s Running Upper, causing both players to fall to the ground briefly on collision. Just like the non-playable version of the maneuver, this ability is a versatile tool for both traversing the map faster and setting up for some potentially lethal team combos.
B.O.B.'s last normal ability is an homage to part of his iconography that isn't actually showcased in-game: Sign Swing.
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B.O.B. manifests a convenient road sign to pull out of hammerspace, then swings it from right to left like a baseball bat. The swing is similar to a big Rein hammer swing (I sure am comparing these guys a lot huh), dealing 75 damage but in a slightly farther range than the hammer. The swing also does heavy knockback, launching enemies it hits flying a good distance in the aimed direction. This alone makes it a solid ability for swatting aggressive enemies away, but it has one more feature: any projectiles hit by the swing will be deflected back as B.O.B.'s own attack! The logistics of this are just like Genji's deflect, though the timing is significantly tighter to pull off due to the minimal time this deflection is active for, making it much harder to pull off a deflect on hitscan attacks, but not impossible.
His ultimate ability though, as you might've predicted, brings this role reversal to its logical conclusion: Burnout. B.O.B. calls in a favor from his long-time charge, and from the skies drops a series of dynamite-loaded crates. 5 crates drop in total, which B.O.B. can manually call drop points for by pressing Primary Fire during the ult's initial duration. The crates will explode after a few seconds, but B.O.B.'s entire team can speed up the detonation by firing at them, creating powerful explosions that ignite enemies caught in their blast, and even leave behind a lingering fire that can rapidly damage and ignite enemies who walk through it (though weaker than normal Torb's Molten Core). However, they can also damage other exploding crates, causing chain reactions where as soon as one crate blows, the entire battle field can be set ablaze. (honestly this ult is the concept I'm the most iffy about for this kit, but I like it fine enough)
So that's B.O.B. as a playable Tank hero! A faithful bodyguard through and through, he defends his team with both directly defensive abilities as well as means of tossing around the enemy if they get too close to his team for comfort, or he can just gun them down directly in tandem with those abilities.
Overall pretty proud of this one! Like Ashe is as a damage hero, I wanted B.O.B. to be a pretty straightforward tanky bruiser, with simple abilities that can be used creatively with a good deal of skill expression. I love the idea of B.O.B. teeing up an enemy into the air with his uppercut, then hitting a home run with them with Sign Swing. I don't think a flanking Genji (er. in this AU's case, I guess flanking Zenyatta?) would be too eager to dive back in for round two after that. The comparisons to Reinhardt were also me reaffirming his role as one of the more conventional tanks of this requeued roster. I have the vague goal of making sure that the broader niches of the roster are still cohesively filled even in this sweeping reiteration of the cast.
So who's next? Symmetra is another easy one that I've already made the bulk of a concept for, but I could also continue the Deadlock theming and do Cassidy as a support. Aside from the ultimate and maybe wanting one extra ability, I've already got most of that one figured out.
Outside of Role Requeue though, I actually would be down to figure out kits for other non-playable characters in the main canon! There's a couple that come to mind now, but the only ones I'm thinking of would I think fit best as supports, maybe one DPS, so I'm all ears for extra suggestions for the sake of variety. Not doing Mauga because like. That's literally just asking to be outdated and make me look like a silly doodoo head when I get it wrong. I'm gonna look like a silly doodoo head and get details wrong when we actually get teasers of his kit at Blizzcon anyways but I wanna save being wrong for the appropriate time.
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lapeaudelamemoire · 6 months
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1. Just logged onto Tumblr on my actual laptop for the first time in a long time. The dashboard looks different and doesn't. I'm liking the low-contrast Tumblr blue colour palette option. It's new and old at the same time. Updated and modern yet nostalgic and recognisable still.
2. Apparently this autosaves now, too. I mean, I guess that's a good thing - no more posts just disappearing after you've spent ages typing and then it just crashes. But I hate the little 'autosave' notification that appears at the bottom of the page while I'm writing; it's distracting.
3. I've been anxious all day. I'm busy as hell, but sometimes just thinking on something and an answer comes up, as if served up simply having been sitting on a conveyor belt, the next most natural, unassuming thought; the way realisations sometimes just visit. Except I don't have time to sit with them or really do all that much more with them; just realise them. So they come like 'regular' thoughts and I recognise them, suddenly big, and then they pass again making way for the next thought, crowded out, but still lingering like an afterimage, I knowing they're there. Sitting on it. Smothering it. The pea under the pillow, mattress, cushion that I am sitting on.
/
Maybe my first instinct of wanting to hurt myself or die when I'm stressed or feel like I've done something wrong or upset someone is because that is what happened when I was a kid. It's hard just typing this, actually; I sound just like one of my clients. But it's true, and it would explain a lot. Hearing my mum say she wished she'd never had me or caning me with a switch. That was generally the punishment for doing something wrong, or upsetting her. Maybe my wanting to peel my skin off my face like removing a mask or wanting to peel my skin back off my arms when I'm anxious or feel like I've done something wrong or not well enough isn't just because it's a visual representation of what it feels like to me emotionally, but also because physical punishment and pain is what I expect for having committed the sin of being wrong or upsetting someone somehow. Maybe that's why I hear 'Die, die, die!' in my head when I feel overwhelmed. Maybe that's what was sounding in my mum's head when she hit me with the cane. It feels like it could be. How else do you interpret that, really, especially as a child? Even now, as an adult, actually?
//
The other sticking point for me from and during the conversation with the other student clinician I had this morning was what they said about being concerned about a client having been seeing clinicians at the clinic for over a year and wondering if they were 'dependent' on the clinic, and if they were engaging because they were 'lonely'. Their concern sounded like over a year was too long to be engaging with mental health services. Lawdy, my my. This is the kind of thing psychologists would have been thinking about me as a client, then, most certainly; most definitely.
It really got to me how the mental health model is basically a Fix-It Factory. Get the client to a point where they can be independent and then goodbye, 'independence' being the goal. It's not entirely Wrong, per se, but in my time with my clients on placement I've come to realise - or at least feel - that really, what they're seeking and need is a community. And we are part of that community; we're literally practitioners seeking to provide services to a community, [and] the wider community. That's literally what it says on the clinic bio, and it's absolutely, definitely what it says on my bio, and what I want and aim to do. It's what I'm here for. I'm part of that community, the community. My clients are also part of the community, that community that I'm trying to provide for.
Yes of course the job is to hope that we facilitate people to be able to live their own lives well, and thus to some extent that they won't necessarily 'need' us any more, or rely [solely] on us, rather, but - there's actually nothing wrong and everything right with people seeking out support, from and in [their] community, but even more specifically, the actually studied and designated community counsellors and practitioners of a specific role and job/service, for that specific role/job/service.
Like yes I'm a/we're practitioner[s] in mental health, but I'm a/we're practitioner[s] in mental health within and as part of a community. I'm a mental health service provider, but I'm also a community member. And a fellow community member is coming to chat to me and talk with me about what's going on their lives and the troubles they are having, and - isn't that the most natural thing in the world? Isn't that what a community is for?
I feel like the fucking separation of clean and clear Roles in 'Western' and medicalised societies is a fucking scourge. The way when we say 'relationship[s]' we are often referring to romantic relationships, because that is the most prized and emphasised (outsized) kind of relationship in our amatonormative [also largely here referring to 'Western'] society. If you have troubles, you share them with your friends, family, and romantic partners. You don't share them with your neighbours, and you don't have a concept of a community.
I remember speaking to a client once during what I think turned out to be our last session (before our schedules diverged, not because it was going awfully, at least I don't think), and them noting that they would like to give back to society - which is a common feeling; we all want to feel like we're a member of something bigger, that we're giving back, contributing, a part of something larger than us - and I noted that there was mutual aid, and asked if they knew what that was. They said no. I explained. And they said, they had never thought about community as meaning outside of their family and friends before.
Because we never or at least rarely do, actually. We talk often about 'society' but almost never about 'community'. That seems to be a term reserved largely for parents in locales, probably most thought of like the 'PTA' in 'US' media, or 'Housing Association'-type suburb things, when or if ever spoken about in the mainstream. Else, it's an academic term, an abstracted one that clinics use or companies or businesses or localised organisations specific to a neighbourhood. But we rarely equate 'community' with 'society'. Those seem to be two different beasts.
Talking to my partner and friends is never going to replace going to see a designated, specified, trained and experienced person whose job and role in your life is to aid you in and provide a designated, specific space for you to work through your issues, for that express purpose, and who is separate from your friends and as 'objective' in that regard as possible. A professional.
And so - setting aside for the moment the fact that doing work on yourself takes time, and if you're actually doing Work on yourself that it takes a lot of time - actually, so what if people see mental health services for years? Especially in the world we live in (in this economy? In this society?)?
People are so often in horrible, awful situations for years. Years and years on end, even. And even just a moment of trauma can take years to address.
If someone is lonely g-damn yes please of course come talk to us, that's what we're here for. As part of your community, as part of literally providing mental health services. Go at your own pace. Finding friends is hard. Keeping in touch with friends is hard. Maintaining social connections is hard, especially when and/or if that's something you struggle with. If someone is lonely and I can help them be less lonely by providing them the service literally called 'talk therapy' then damn yeah what's the issue here??? And at a community clinic that doesn't charge a fee? That's literally what it's there for. To help. And if someone wants to pay at a clinic to talk to someone because they're lonely then yeah??? That's their choice.
Which also tangentially enough brings me to the fact that people are lonely in our isolating society, see again above about segregation of types of relationships that are 'allowed' or seen as 'normal' and 'expected' and what isn't; and also, there are plenty other professions where people pay for companionship, whether it's sex workers, host/hostess clubs, escort services, or so on. And actually, also, that those professions are often looked down upon. Fuck the nuclear family puritanist WASPy uptightness, honestly.
And then, of course - it's actually not uncommon for people to see a therapist for years. It does take that long to work on things. And mental health practitioners are themselves required to maintain supervision while practicing. What else is that if not similar?
In a community, what one might really think of as a community, or at least in my imagining, there is someone (or someones, even a group) designated who is turned to by members in the community when they meet trouble. An elder, tribal chief, shaman, healer, oracle, doctor. A pastor, or priest, even. And people in that community go to them throughout their life. There is no thought that goes 'Are they independent if they're coming to see the healer/priest/doctor repeatedly, or even regularly?'.
///
It's tiring looking at everything all the time. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me now, in this day and age, living in the times we live in, understanding the idea that if there was a singular, omniscient G-d, that they might have walked away. Imagine seeing everything all the time. Hearing everything all the time. We see and hear not even Everything individually in this digital age, but one might argue we already see and hear beyond the limit of which we can process things. (And sure, you could argue that G-d is different because they're G-d, but then generally when referring to G-d people are talking about the one whom they also say 'we were made in the image of', so.)
Posts about Palestine. Ads about the V referendum in "Aus". I click on someone's blog on Tumblr on my phone and as I look through their posts there's a sponsored ad for it saying 'Vote Yes'. My SoundCloud stops and I restart the track. It moves to an ad reminder about the referendum. It's been playing for over the last month at least now between tracks switching. I hear it at least once every day I use the app. I go into the city and there are posters and flyers for it everywhere. I pass by houses and apartments and cars that have 'Yes' stickers and posters and flyers pasted up everywhere. More posts about something in the 'US'. Posts about politics in the UK. (These are all colonial/-occupied centres, as one might notice.) Mutual aid posts. Posts about death and assaults and a litany of the rest of all of it.
If there is an omniscient G-d, they must not have a very good time, being the ultimate witness to all (and that's not even counting the probably sensory overload).
Everything clawing for my attention is like a pair of jagged claws scrabbling at my mind, tearing it into ragged edges like strips of cloth you might see become of the bottom of some ghoul's black robe. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.
////
Suddenly my shoulders have dropped, at some point where I'd stopped noticing while writing. I forgot that this is why I'd wanted to speak.
Not to someone, actually - but to this blank page.
I go with my thoughts; to write them out I must discern them, to discern them I must hold them in my view. I ride them and ride them out of my mind and onto the page and then - all this space. Suddenly I am in my body again and not full to the brim with thoughts behind my eyes.
Ah space, you wonderful thing. Empty page, you who receives of me. I speak in my head and hear myself. Turn the thoughts over in my mind. Like leaves of a page a book. I handle them, like leaves from the Destiny Tree.
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allieebobo · 8 months
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Hi there! Sorry if this is kind of a weird question but do you have any advice for...introducing your IF to the community? I've been working on mine for a few months now, and while the demo isn't *quite* ready yet - I'm planning for it to be the full prologue which is completely outlined and ~66% written - I feel like it's probably a good idea to make a blog and build up to it at least a little bit before it's ready to go. I just have...no idea how to do that 😅 Any advice would be much appreciated!
Oohh!! Exciting!! :D
First off I'll caveat to say that of all the IF writers out there I'm probably the one who's least qualified to talk about publicity hahaha I just rely on word of mouth/you guys 😄
But alright I'll give it a go under the cut.
1. Pinned intro post
Make sure to have a catchy, representative intro post that tells readers what they're gonna get in the game, plus RO descriptions are always good, if you have ROs. Also bonus points if the post looks nice (I think @evertidings has one of the prettiest intro posts and blogs in general haha).
2. Detailed character post (optional)
A detailed post on characters (e.g. here you can flesh out the characters' backstory, personality/tease the possible dynamics between MC and the character). Images could be useful too and I know a lot of IF writers, including myself, who use Art breeder for that.
3. A demo (optional)
I know the community's split on this one but personally I have a terrible memory so if I get to play a demo immediately after I see an intro post I like, the IF sticks with me a lot more so I generally think waiting to have a demo before launching the IF is my personal path of action! I feel it sets things up nicely and gives a sense of what to expect, your writing style, 1-2 key characters, and the main stakes of the game.
4. And after the launch?
Just write, and interact with the community, support other IF creators, and watch your IF grow :) honestly, I was really lucky to have insanely awesome creators like @bouncyballcitadel and @milaswriting and @doriana-gray-games say hi and bring me into the fold, and dang it was like having Nadal or Janja Garnbret say "yo, cool IF bro". I'll always be so grateful :))
I guess you could do other things along the way (like I know people do announcement posts and cool stuff when they hit follower milestones but I keep procrastinating mine till it is nowhere near a round number anymore) but yeah... I tend to just... focus on writing and answering asks and reading other IFs when i have free time--and not sweat the rest, because that's what I enjoy doing most!
All the best, anon!!
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femmespoiled · 2 years
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I really trust your opinion on things, if you don't want to answer this I completely understand.
I'm struggling with classifying myself as butch. I used to be much more "the type" but now I like to be a bit femme too. I was a gym rat with short hair. Now I'm disabled and weak with medium hair. I can't decide if I want to cut my hair off again or not, sometimes I wear dresses and get done up. I learned I do like some makeup too. I'm also strictly a service sub.
Is there such a thing as a femmebutch? Am I not butch anymore or am I turning femme? Idk I'm still learning about lesbian culture and how I fit in
You reminded me of this piece from The Persistent Desire by Joan Nestle, and I decided to share it, because it isn't my intention to share it with the "Sharing the Knowledge" series, but it seems pertinent here.
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I want to address a couple things. First off, I can't classify you as either, that's not up to me, these are very personal and subjective identities, I'll talk about myself and my opinions and I hope that'll help. I also want to reassure you that if you happen to be an unaligned lesbian, you're just as great and valid, a lot of people think that they have to fit into either one of these identities, and, for some, labels, but that's not true, you don't have to be butch or femme and you'll still be just as valid in sapphic spaces.
Now I understand your reticence, but I have addressed some of these stereotypes and, you know me, I'll address them again as needed.
There seems to be a lot of focus on looks and I wanted to get my message out again, that's not what these identities are about. Butches and femmes can do whatever they want with their hair, in fact I've been wanting to shave my head for a bit now, doesn't make me any less femme, without makeup I'm not any less femme, I'd think the same should apply to you. I understand specially how you feel about being disabled, butch and femme have both been defined with action and movement so much in our history, it can be hard sometimes to find your place in it, where do we fit if we're disabled, we're all still learning about how to best show up with those, I think disabled butches and femmes are slowly redefining our places in our community and that's important, furthermore your butch (or femme) identity shouldn't rely on being able bodied and speciality not on physical strength, that's not what it is about, from the bottom of this disabled femme's heart. I am and feel disabled and weak too and I give myself and my body the space and time it needs to recover and I do what I can in these actions and movements I see about.
That was an important part, that hit close to home. Continuing I have in the same before mentioned series, a piece that talks about how conscious gender building can be a lot of work but it's also very important, that we could all benefit from a bit more fluidity and less rigidity when it comes to gender expression specially. "There are as many ways of performing, embodying and discussing butch and femme as there are butches and femmes"
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this is from Persistence: All ways Butch and Femme by Ivan Coyote and Zena Sharman
I believe these identities, with conscious gender building, take what's best for them from each masculinity and femininity and that's not one size fits all, I'll repeat into forever.
You gotta know what each of these gender pieces mean to you.
But I'll be clear regardless, you don't have to hate makeup and dresses to be a butch, you don't have to be dominant to be a butch, most butches I know are switches, a lot of butches I know are submissive and I love them so much.
I don't quite believe in turning femme or turning butch, mostly because I think you put words to what you are as you go, at least that's what I did and I'm only one femme. I was femme way before I had the words for it and had been longing for this identity, when I found the word it was like finding home.
I'll say it again to fit in lesbian culture you don't have to be femme or butch, if you are, that's great, if you're not, that's also great. Conscious gender building is important for all of us. Have a think, go through my butch/femme tag, do some research about what these identities mean (specially for you) and hopefully you'll be able to answer your questions.
Hope this helps in some way, thank you for trusting me ♥️
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