#I think I want this anthology to revolve around the concept of fading adolescence

[firewoodfigs]

of louche hair and gauche boys

at fifteen all we wanted was to be pretty, to be adored  with our short skirts, cropped shirts  soft laughter and even softer whispers — as if none of our opinions mattered.  we’d paint our nails, scrub ourselves  clean and white, gleaming white like a brand new set of veneers,  artificial and ready-to-go  for boys made of pure filth; dye our hair brown and bronze,  chestnut and hazel and almond (god, we must’ve been nuts!) — so many different tones till we were  richer than an entire forest itself. 

too rich, perhaps, for the boys with sun-kissed skin and wind-mussed hair,  eyes crinkling like paper  whenever they smiled.  i’d smile back and rein myself in as one reins an unruly horse venturing into the vast wilderness; take my positions as i should, stand beside you like a trophy  as i hid my own, like muted gold. 

for you i became a slab of bronze,  shushing my valors and vanities in order to not outshine you.  to be loved, seen and heard,  i must neither speak nor stand.  instead I must sit still, quiet as you ramble on about your grand ambitions in nothing but  aspirational terms, empty as a tree’s hollow cavity.

funny how I clung on to your every word as if it were a gospel truth  — you? oh, how wretched, how terribly wicked! you’re the furthest thing from God himself. here is my curse. may you never escape  from the endless, burning pit in my chest  — this is your eternal damnation. 

#poetry #still trying to do the one poem a week thing :) #going well so far!!! #I mean #not sure about the quality of this #but it's there... a thing #LOLOL #I think I want this anthology to revolve around the concept of fading adolescence #because in this phase of life it does feel like I'm kind of bidding my youth farewell #not entirely a bad thing tho #work has been okay so far and I am thankful to be here #even if tired and cranky because period cramps LMAO #ok anyway this is like my pent up rage #from all the stupid boys who broke my friends' hearts #truly stupid boys like #u do not cross me n get away with it #man if beating people up wasn't a crime I would've beat em all up LOL #also one thing I've learnt from past relationships is #to not be together with someone who's intimidated by your success or achievements #as my tyrant of a literature teacher once said #I'm not going to stoop down to your level #YOU level up #like I mean cmon if ur scared then just... get better #or like just y'know cut yourself from society's silly expectations and impositions #who even says that men have to be better than women blablabla #lame #I could go on forever about this but alas it is midnight and I must go to bed #goodnight folks HAAHAHA #RMB TO LOVE YOURSELVES I LOVE YALL