#I uh am very unstable but because I’m still recovering I’m not able to do anything so don’t worry too much right now

[tiredsadpeach]

Vent in tags suicide tw

#I uh am very unstable but because I’m still recovering I’m not able to do anything so don’t worry too much right now #but my friend thinks I wanna kill myself because I think I’m worthless #which like yeah I feel worthless and useless sure #but I feel like that as a member of my household and stuff so nothing my friends say is gonna convince me but anyway #my main reasonings are my angel delusion and just the idea that if I just go ahead and go then I don’t have to suffer through the loss of #my friends and family and pets etc #it’s not neccisarily to end the pain either it’s more to control it and stop it getting any worse #and that way I never run the risk of running into my abusers #essentially I’m tired of suffering and I know I’ll lose the people and animals I love before I die naturally so if I just do it myself then #I don’t have to worry anymore #also I’m an angel and I shouldn’t be here anyway so I need to go home I want to go home I miss my wings

[danieyells]

Thanks for answering my questions! I know it was a lot lmao but I Am Have Questions and very few people informed enough to discuss them with xD

I suppose it is possible they Oniwaka and Co. were being rent from their exceptions and not to Tokyo itself, but I thought the way it worked was that MC rent their connection to Tokyo itself and overwrote it with their own! I hadn't considered your angle before; something to think about haha

If I remember right though, Sitri's wings, and with them his powers, only grew in recently right? Like, a little while before the first Valentine's Event? That's why he had so much trouble controlling them if I recall correctly! But sustaining himself on that energy is one thing that can be explained (though! It's possible that part of Sitri's deep desire for chocolate in general, but valentine's chocolate especially, is the love that gets put into them? Not to say he sustains himself solely on it or anything, but it might explain the strength of his desires ahaha)

Wait. Do those character quests mean that collisions can literally send people into the pasts of other worlds?? Like fr?? And also, does that mean collisions are like, direct overlaps with other worlds and not just illusory versions?

Part of why I'm trying to sort this all out is because I want to write a TAS fic, but I needed a better understanding of how, exactly, the system works, and was basically about to throw my hands in the air and say that actually nobody goes home at all until they've fulfilled their contracts ever and that's that xD I've finished all the story content btw! Including chapter 11 and most of the translated events, except for the Canaan one (gotta get on that, pray I get myself a Dagon 5★)

Does that mean that we contracts are *unfulfillable*? Like MC's connection with Agyo was basically like "I want friend lmao" and then they got their friend, but does that mean that Agyo is trapped in Tokyo until MC decides that they don't want to be friends with him anymore?

Also, do you think that if a Stray Transient does eventually run out of energy to sustain themselves in Tokyo, they get booted back to their world permanently, or do you think they just recover their strength in their home world and then get pulled back over?

Thanks again for answering my questions! I hope that this is proving as interesting to explore to you as it is to me hahaha

I don't mind that it's a lot at all! Lol it was just a surprise. I'm honored to be approached about this kind of thing, and I find it very interesting, yeah! 'u' I love worldbuilding and characterization so thinking about/sharing my thoughts on it for things I like is always a pleasure.

I mean it's possible they're rending their connection to Tokyo, but I feel like that wouldn't take the exception away? Because it came from an interaction they had, not Tokyo itself. I figured they were torn from the exception and the exception and fighting robbed them of all their energy in the proccess of making them a. . .screaming, mindless fighting machine lmao. Like rending a familiar from someone? But that familiar is inside them? If that makes sense? I don't remember if this was explained to begin with let alone how lol I should reread it lol

Sitri's wings did come in pretty recently, and they're implied to be a puberty thing. The problem is that he says they came in "the other day"--which doesn't necessarily mean "two days ago" as convenient as that'd be. The Japanese is even more vague, just saying "When I was taking a bath" without giving a timeframe. But I kinda figured that, until the wings popped in, love from his family was enough to sustain him. Because Bathym doesn't have a family here, really, he has his fans and the guild. But also since his family knew about the wings, saying they were a sign he was growing up, maybe they have a similar power that pops in during puberty and thus were able to feed him others' feelings. But yeah they were new which is why he couldn't control them.

As for the pasts in other worlds. . .time doesn't flow in other worlds the same as it does in Tokyo necessarily. El Dorado isn't even around anymore, time in Shangri-La flows slower than in Tokyo, etc--but these places still participate in the Game despite that. So worlds and timelines aren't entirely stable--after all time's been reset over and over. Also, we have time travelers from Utopia(which is the future???) so if they were forced to conform to a single space-time path that'd be kind of difficult? So, yeah, time and space and memories aren't necessarily stable in collisions. I mean, if a world collided based on memories, who's to say those places are still exactly as remembered? It works for the jungle in Shangri-La because it's a jungle and how much will that change--but the collided oceans are connected to towns in other worlds? Dagon connected islands from various worlds into one, too--those can't all be his own memories or from the same timeframe. Collisions are pretty unstable by definition so it doesn't surprise me that time can get screwed up along the way.

But yeah collisions seem to be actual overlaps of some sort--since Macan remembered that he heard MC's voice that happened in the collision, Xolotl met and saw himself in the collision, etc. And those things had effects that brought them to Tokyo to begin with.

Oh, there's also Nomad's character story where MC was invisible to everyone but Nomad--Nomad could feel them too--because the worlds were unstable under Ikebukuro Coliseum and they reminded Nomad of the prison he was in, causing the Collision.

MC could travel the collision/memory without Nomad around and get accurate information about its layout to help him escape.

If the collision doesn't alter the actual past then there's no way they'd know without Nomad physically with them. . .and there's no way Nomad would know where to go to escape the prison if MC weren't able to get actual information.

Then MC breaks the lights--only Nomad can see them, but they can affect reality/the past in a way that influenced everyone in it. And they're able to escape thanks to information MC gathered about and influence MC had on the world that Nomad would have no means whatsoever of getting/doing on his own.

Then they saw present Nomad who said MC was his, MC tried to reassure past!Nomad that it was okay, they were the same person, and past!Nomad felt betrayed.

Past Nomad sees MC through the transient light and chases after them, bringing him to Tokyo in continued pursuit of revenge.

. . .and present Nomad, now home with Mc and having had resolved the collision, remembered that he'd been chasing MC through the transient light but had travelled to Tokyo to find them--but had not travelled to them. He'd likely forgotten who he was looking for because he was kind of out of his mind at the time and thought he was chasing after his own hallucination to begin with.

Now that he remembers he wanted to kill MC for leaving him but also knows that he's the one who MC left him for, he deems them half a traitor for only betraying the him of the past not the him of the present and lets them off the hook for now.

(nice kabedon--DAMN THE TEN IMAGE LIMIT.)

MC was the one he wanted venegence against when he left Utopia, although he still has to get revenge against the people who turned him into a tiger. But he went to Tokyo to get revenege against MC and made a contract with them without remembering they were the target. He says he won't kill them for now but someday, when his other revenge is done, he'll come after them for betraying him. Until then they're his assistant and they'll be helping him get revenge. If they betray him again--betray him "one and a half times"--they'll become the new priority and he'll kill them first.

But even he said that he thinks that he's crazed for revenge is stupid so MC figured out that he wants them to keep him in check. (He calls them 'traitor' fondly(? He smiles while doing it, I think it's pretty fond) and I wish he kept doing that but it'd probably reveal more to people than Nomad is comfortable revealing lol so he calls you by name instead.)

Also, canonness note, he declares them his detective assistant when he declares them his accomplice--and in the Beach House Andvari he reiterates that's your relationship too. Which means that his character quest is canon across events. And if events are canon--whether through your choices or not(at one point in the story you know Gyobu but you only met him in events until that point???) that means Mc making pacts with everyone could be canon too.

. . .but yeah collisions are just time and space freaking out. Maybe they're past resets of sorts.

And oooh fanfics are exciting 'u' I'll give it a read if you link it! And congrats on reading everything! *U* I've gotta do that myself lol and good luck getting 5★Dagon!! I wanted 5★Tangaroa(someone I have added has him and. . .holy shit he heals himself, he heals allies around him, he's practically invincible) but I ran out of transient stones and I'm poor irl 8'D The Canaan event is fun and also chaotic and will probably give you even MORE questions about how the fuck timelines and collisions work. Because it kinda introduces a new mechanic into the mix. So uh brace yourself?

The problem with "nobody goes home until they've fulfilled their contracts" is that some people just don't have contracts. And their own desires only seem to cause gates to open and take them, not actually bind them--someone from Tokyo(or in Tokyo in MC's case) needs to be their binding agent if they're not like. A World Rep or someone similarly powerful enough to stay on their own(this is a guess--they're probably sustained by being the System and thus stand on the faith of all their people from their world. Alternatively they're bound to Tokyo via MC as the trophy.) Otherwise they wouldn't note that transients disappear eventually if unbound by a contract.

Gullinbursti isn't attached to MC by contract anymore not because MC said "I don't want us to be friends" or anything but because MC refused to make a proper contract with him because he'd misinterpret it. But he's still hanging out, so. It's not immediate. But, yeah, there are probably unfulfillable contracts that can only be broken by death or declaration. Agyo is stuck with MC until MC says he can go lol--I mean they're friends now but it'd defeat the purpose of the pact if they went away as soon as that happened. Because MC wants more and more companions they'll never truly have their desire to have friends fulfilled probably. So anyone summoned that way gets to stay in Tokyo until MC is no longer in it or maybe until MC decides "I don't want people around me anymore/I don't want to see anyone ever again" and truly means it--which will declare their contracts fulfilled and send them home, if they have a home/life to return to.

As for if Stray Transients go back permanently, yes and no. I think they go back and recuperate their energy and they stay home if they don't have an outstanding pact(whether they're aware or not)--however if they were just there because they went into the light and had nothing binding them to the land but that energy/will that brought them, they'd go home without bwing sent back unless they really wanted it again. Thus they can be resummoned, intentionally or otherwise. If MC one day dismisses everyone, regrets it, and says they want their friends back, everyone would come back. But if they didn't ask for everyone to return they'd stay home(disregarding that they'd probably all go NO WE WANNA GO BACK TAKE US TO MC and the transient light would bring them back to Tokyo again lmao.)

So. Yeah, they'll stay home until summoned again, even after they get their energy back, I think. If they don't have a home to go back to maybe they float in the void for a while, kinda like how MC just kinda existed as the Exiles without a home or like how Robinson says they can't stay anywhere forever because they're Wanderers.

(Somewhat related, Shiro mentions in the Apprentice Santa event that it must be hard to import turkey to Tokyo. . .import it from where? Tokyo is closed off on all sides INCLUDING THE OCEAN. That means someone's bringing turkey from other worlds into Tokyo--a business-like summoning contract lol. "Come to Tokyo, bring goods from other worlds, and you can go back until I need more" basically. Using another world like a manufacturing plant lol. . .little things like that make me consider that you can go and come back at the will of a summoner, assuming you donct have an artifact or ability that allows you to traverse worlds as you please.)

Another thing for you to consider if you wanna be a bit more puzzled: remember how much belief plays a part in how things work in Tokyo. Consider. . .if someone claims they're not a stray transient when they actually are and everyone around them believes that they have a contract or guild or something keeping them there even though it's not true. . .are they bound to Tokyo by that belief as long as they're around more people who think they're bound to somebody? Will they disappear if people stop believing them or they're around people who believe they're a stray? Consiquentially if people believe a stray will disappear sooner than later does their timer run out faster? If Ose somehow ran around telling people that transients won't disappear with his ability to make people believe everything he says, do they stop disappearing because no one thinks they will? I suppose he can't lie to nature, but can those beliefs sustain people? I mean belief can cause Oni to be hurt by beans, can cause Behemoth to regain his sense of taste, can cause people from worlds that've been destroyed to become demons because the Angels invading will it to be so. So where does belief's power end and the power of the System kick in? Does the game end if MC puts on Ose's crown and tells the Representaives it's over and they all lost? Or would the alternation of belief on a mass scale cause an Exception by clashing with something more powerful than it? What, since they so value Systems and the Faith that sustains them, to the point that losing Faith in your System causes a full on collapse of the world it holds together(see:Canaan), is more powerful in this game than the power of belief?

#danie yells with anons #danie yells answers #danie yells at tokyo afterschool summoners #long post #tokyo afterschool summoners

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 27: 2x04 Mirror Mirror

Had some technical difficulties but finally managed to watch Mirror Mirror. (Now I’m very tired.)

I see these aliens are more intense pacifists than Spock.

When Kirk says “But we won’t [force you], consider that,” right over his shoulder and into camera, it looks like he’s posing for a commercial.

Ah ha, the Classic Transporter Accident. (Aka how that became a classic trope lol.)

I love that they zero in on Spock’s beard first thing, like that’s the weirdest part of this universe.

Oh no, the agonizer!

So my big question is: do all the ISS Captains wear that gold vest or is it a Kirk thing? I just find it very funny that the men in the mirrorverse wear about the same amount of clothing as in the regular universe, and the ladies wear a lot less...and then there’s Kirk, conspicuously showing off his arms. Vests are NOT regulation!

When does he get a chance to record his log? And wouldn’t it be... recorded in the mirrorverse?

Kirk’s salute is hilarious. Uh, yeah, salute and wave, I guess??

He’s really focused on Spock. “Another ship. Another Spock.”

Kirk’s patented reassuring upper arm grab.

Uhura on the bridge! You can’t tell she’s nervous because she’s brave and strong.

This episode, and to a lesser extent The Naked Time, are why I think Sulu has a thing for her. I know it’s a different universe, but I still think it’s true.

Kirk’s salute is getting better. More confident.

He just doesn’t know how to be evil. He’s too good, too pure.

Hmmm, Security Chief Sulu? He really does have a lot of interests.

I wonder what Vulcan is like in this universe. They are still clearly post-Reform. But more ruthless. Scarier. Probably meat eaters.

Damn little Chekov. Just waiting for his chance to mutiny.

Security Chief, like the Gestapo. Did not know that was what the reference was supposed to be.

Hmm, male computer voice. This MUST be an evil universe.

“I’m a doctor, not an engineer.”

Evil Kirk strikes again! Honestly, this scene of the ISS crew on the regular Enterprise might be my favorite in the whole ep. Yet again obsessed with Spock’s facial hair. And Spock is obviously just loving it. “I find it extremely interesting.”

I think Kirk and Spock BOTH know what would buy Spock.

“I should regret your death.” I mean that’s basically a love confession. I love how they depict the K and S relationship in the mirrorverse. The subtle ways in which they’re still a team.

Spock would absolutely have killed Chekov for trying to kill Kirk.

I find evil!Spock the most convincing of all of this universe. I think he simultaneously feels true to the original character, and is also obviously of this universe, and that’s a pretty impressive feat.

“Terror must be maintained or the Empire is doomed.” Print that on a t-shirt.

“Conquest is easy. Control is not.” A lot of the mirror verse is over the top cartoony villainy but this is a very good point, and this scene in general is super interesting and subtle.

Kirk is so tunred on by that conversation with Spock. Like even in these circumstances, he still looks at Spock like he’s in love.

Hmmm, I like Marlena.

Of course evil!Kirk has an on-ship girlfriend, which good!Kirk would never do.

Evil!Spock is still very loyal, so much for all that “I would be a formidable enemy” stuff lol. “You’ll never find another man like him.” Too true.

Of course there’s some plundered alien tech plot device. I actually think that’s an interesting twist in a way... of course the ISS wouldn’t care about stealing, and so some...interesting artifacts might find their way onto starships.

Spock is upset he wasn’t included in this landing party meeting.

Hmmm, Sulu already wants to be Captain.

WHAT? SPOCK HAS OPERATIVES? VULCAN OPERATIVES? WHO ARE THEY? I MUST KNOW MORE. (Is one of them T’Pring?)

Marlena’s Starfleet uniform was hotter than this...paisley nightgown thing.

She’s so dramatic. Kirk is busy one time and she’s like well! I guess we’re over! Transfer me to another ship!

Another Captain Kirk arm grab moment.

I love how literally no one was surprised by that Uhura and Sulu moment on the bridge. “I’ve changed my mind again whoops.”

I can’t believe getting kicked once and then knocked on the head would almost kill Spock lol--seems like probably he might just have a concussion?--but I do like the concept of McCoy risking being left behind to help him. (And Kirk signing off on it because duh.) McCoy is just so good hearted.

Captain Sulu strikes again. Everyone has their own agenda lol. So many obstacles when everyone’s just out for himself.

Haha well that solved that. Zap zap zap and they’re gone.

As suspected, Spock recovered pretty fast. And he goes straight for the mind meld, obviously. That does seem pretty evil of him.

And another obstacle lol. I like that Kirk says Marlena can’t come with them because they can only bring 4 people because of the Calculations, even though... like surely he should already be able to guess there’s another Marlena in his universe and she can’t exactly replace a person who already exists? That would be bad.

Damn Uhura, saving the day again and looking damn fine doing it.

“I must have my Captain back.” Not even subtle about it. He MUST.

The Empire is illogical because it cannot endure.

Is Kirk literally asking this Spock to overthrow his other self and become Captain?

Also...is Marlena going to attach herself to the new Captain?? What does she think of all this?

This is probably one of the best end-of-episode bridge banter scenes in the series. “If I read my Spocks correctly.” Spock is a bit of a pirate. (I think Sarek would agree.) Spock loving the evil humans. Being jealous of Marlena. Kirk probably wondering how Mirror!Kirk and his Spock got along.

I think this is a really great episode, obviously, and I liked all of the intrigue. I thought the double, triple, quadruple crossing was really well plotted. Marlena is one of the better Love Interests and I thought she was really compelling. I LOVED Mirror Spock, and the general characterization of and subtleties to both Spocks. Mirror Sulu was interesting (what does he say about real Sulu I wonder?) and of course we got great Uhura moments and a good Bones moment too. I thought Kirk was interesting in this ep also, not quite confronting his evil side like in The Enemy Within, but...well I do think that was a part of him, the inferred characterization of mirror!Kirk, ambitious, single-minded--”inflexible, disciplined once you’ve made up your mind”--isn’t so outrageous or hard to understand.

I think the weakness of the ep is in the Mirror verse itself. It’s always struck me as a bit too cartoon-villain-y, painted in too broad strokes. Everyone wants to use violence to gain power. If deaths are so common, how has anyone survived this long lol? They allude to this sometimes--Spock not wanting command because it makes him a target, Kirk telling Spock the Empire is wasteful and ultimately unsustainable and thus illogical--but that just invites scrutiny under which the premise doesn’t hold. Imo, an organization like the Empire could never have lasted as long as or become as powerful as the Federation. As Kirk says, control is harder than conquest. I’m not even sure that all of the planets of the Federation could have come together in an Empire, and any allegiance would be very unstable. In other words, I don’t think “the Federation but make it evil” is even a sustainable premise.

Also, while people surely do crave power for the sake of power, I... tend to need a little more in my villainous characterization. Like, when I see that kind of villain, I always think of Price in Mr. Robot: “Every room I’m in, I ask myself ‘am I the most powerful person here?’ and I don’t stop until the answer is always yes.” That really is the core of him--and yet he’s still a subtle villain. That’s kind of the standard for me, I think. To put it another way, maybe the core of all villainy is just lust for power (and/or money) and maybe the best way to get power is brute strength, but the manifestations of evil are usually more subtle: some people who just want power, some people who have more narrow goals and can’t see the whole, many people who have been manipulated, and then just human ills like laziness, ineptitude, selfishness, short-sightedness. Only the most blunt of those traits and instruments really made it into the Mirror verse.

I would have liked to see the mirrorverse be more like... the mob.

...But it is only a 50 minute episode lmao.

Anyway, I find it very interesting that mirror!Spock has Vulcan operatives. His personal security guard is Vulcan, and taking these facts together, I think it’s safe to say that there are more Vulcan officers and enlisted on the ISS Enterprise than USS Enterprise. I’m not sure what to do with that but I find it very interesting. Is he more powerful on Vulcan? Is he more attuned to his Vulcan side? Are Vulcans more impressed with or deferential to him?

Anyway I am exhausted rn and I still have two more days this week so... off to bed. Next week’s ep is The Classic, The Apple.

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #2021: star trek #star trek tos

[prince-lis]

A very cheesy, cringey, self-indulgent one shot of Caesar Zeppeli

(Y/N's POV)

You woke up to the loud sound of someone knocking and shouting your name at your door at a alarming speed. Lazily, you rose up from your soft and fluffy bed to make your way to the entrance of your room. Once you open the door, you realize that Joseph is the one standing there making a scandal while wearing a angry expression.

-Sheesh Y/N! You almost forced me to destroy you door, I've been knocking here for God knows how much time!! -

- Then why did you bother to do so?I was having the sleep of my life until I heard your screams. -

- Like I care, I just came here because Caesar asked me to.- said the brunette hamon user with a tone of slight annoyance in his voice.

- Why? W-why does Caesar wan-

Joseph interrumpted Y/N as he continued with his explanation - He said he needed help with his training.-

- Why don't you help him?-

- Me? Help that Italian bastard? I have better things to do...Shit! I gotta go! Lisa Lisa is gonna kill me!! See ya around!!-

After Joseph left, you thought about how he's a great friend, a really annoying one, but in the end he's an amazing person to have by your side. You decided to change your clothes, get rid of the horrible bedhead that adorned your face and wash your teeth since you were gonna meet the blond Casanova that captured your heart. In the blink of an eye you were already going down the stairs of Air Supplena Island's castle, but you suddenly stopped at the giant entrance of Lisa Lisa's mansion.

" Where the hell is Caesar?" you asked yourself. You knew he wasn't training outside because you couldn't hear him and Joseph's bickering.

"He has to be inside the mansion" Thinking that, you went in search of him in the dull basement, only to find the sound of pure silence in that place. You then had to climb a ton of steps upstairs to go to Caesar's room. Why didn't you think of that before?

Softly, you fist knocked two times on the entrance of the proud Zeppeli, at the third knock your eyes met with the emerald orbs that belonged to the person you were looking for.

With a sweaty forehead and wide grin, Caesar allowed you to step into his room.

- I was starting to worry about you. I thought you'd never meet me today. - Caesar told you at the same time that you took a seat in his big bed.

- It's not my fault that both you and Jojo start training extra early. I'm sure you're the only ones awake at this time.- While you were justifying your lack of punctuality, the tall man who was resting next to you had started playing with your hair.

- What are you doing Caesar?- just when you finished that sentence, you decided to lay a hand on the man's face and caress his signature purple dots under his eyes. Caesar captured your tiny hand in his big and warm hands, giving you light kisses in your knuckles.

- I just wanted to spend more time with you, amore.

- So the training was just a trap?

- No. You're still helping me with my daily working out routine. Your help will make me improve greatly, mia cara.

This man was as misterious as he was charming, with that sweet voice of him and warm heart he had you swooning over his charms in no time.

- What do I have to do? Don't tell me I have to run or something like that?

- How can I make the love of my life exhaust over a selfish wish of mine? You're just going to sit.

- That's it?

- That's it.

- Shokay then.- you said just when you were getting comfortable on the floor, ready to cheer for your boyfriend!

- That's not where you have to sit down. This is where you're sitting.- Caesar said as he pointed at his back.

- Wha-? The hell?! Why?! That's embarrassing! Plus, I'm gonna crush you, you're gonna die of suffocation!!

- Sweetheart, Y/N. You're exaggerating. I'm a hamon master and i have to remember you that you are tiny and so easy to lift. Don't you remember all the times I've held you between my arms?

Now that you were a blushing mess, you decided to speak up, or at least try to. - Oh my god, you're so cheesy and sugary that you're giving me diabetes.-

Caesar's laughter was all you could hear in your flustered state. You were both standing in the middle of his room, but soon after he recovered from the laughing fit, he positioned himself to start making push-ups.

- Really? You're using me as a weight?? I can't believe you.- But you did, and now you're uncomfortably sitting in your lover's back.

- Ready, love? Why don't you grab onto my shirt? This might get somewhat unstable for you.

You listened to his indications and held tightly to his shirt and shoulders. He started to do his push-ups at an inhuman speed! After a while immersed in his work out routine, you started to feel kind of dizzy, so you weakly tapped his head in order to get his attention.

He stopped and asked.- Something wrong, Y/N?-

You just fell off his strong body and landed on the cold floor. Him, being the extra ad young Italian he is, held your body close to his and started questioning about how you felt in a very panicked way.

- Caesar, it's nothing. I just got dizzy from all the movement... You're very fast.

- I am so sorry, bella. I didn't imagine you would feel that way.

- Don't worry, it was kinda fun... Could you please give me some water?

- Of course, Y/N. Here, drink this.- Just as you were to take the glass of water Caesar had already prepared for his exercises, he softly pressed the edge of the glass in your lips. With a shy smile, you started drinking the fresh liquid and you instantly felt a lot better than before!

- Okay Caesar, let's keep going!

- Are you sure you want to continue? I'm not forcing you to stay here, my love.

- Yeah, I wanna help you. You've done so much for me, it's the least I can do to repay you.

Now it was Caesar's turn to feel fuzzy and warm inside, he stared at your shining eyes for a few seconds, and hid his face behind his hands.

Now recovering his usual demeanor, he gave you a sweet kiss on your forehead before returning to his training stance. This time he suggested something different.

- Why don't you lay in my back? That way you might be able to recover the minutes of sleep you lost earlier this morning.

- That sounds...great. Could you please, uh, lay completely horizontal on the floor? I'm not that tall.-

Caesar did what you asked him, ad it was much easier to get on his body, hugging by the waist so you wouldn't fall of like last time. After a good time, you started to feel sleepy, thanks to his warm skin and sweet aroma.

You could hear his voice very far from you saying.- I didn't think you could fall asleep like that, you never cease to make me fall in love with you.-

You were already in a deep sleep when Caesar stopped his training, he had to move, but at the same time he didn't want you to wake you up by accident.

Caesar relaxed and made sure you weren't falling off of him, and recomfortated by you feeling like a blanket on top of him, decided to take a nap on the spot.

His bed was really close, however after 1 hour of non-stop push-ups, the floor didn't look as bad as it did a few moments ago.

I'm still a hopeless 13 y/o romantic who loves cheesy love stories

Hey! This is the first writing thing I've posted on the internet, and it's a one shot of my Jojo bf, Caesar Zeppeli :D I'm kinda new to this kind of writing, so any kind of constructive criticism is welcomed!

#caesar zeppeli #jjba #jjba writing #caesar zeppeli headcanon #long reads #original #firtspost #firstoneshot #joseph joestar #battle tendency #oneshot #jjba part 2 #caesar zeppeli x reader

[paulisweeabootrash]

First Impression: Neon Genesis Evangelion

Get in your robots, audience, it's time for Paul is Weeaboo Trash!  And today, I'm finally watching a show it seems like everyone just... assumes I must've seen:

Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995)

Episodes watched: 8

Platform: Netflix

The idea of something being a "classic" may be in decline in the anime fandom, or at least be getting very specialized, since "anime" no longer implies a narrow interest in specific sci-fi and fantasy subgenres like it used to, but certain shows still manage to pervade the pop culture indirectly.  Neon Genesis Evangelion is one such show, enduring in the modern fandom and general internet culture because of its status as one of those old sci-fi anime classics.  It has contributed memes — not just as in image macros or running jokes, but as in units of culture in the form of iconic quotes or character designs or elements of the plot — to the point that you have certainly been in some way exposed to them without any knowledge of the source material.  But despite its reputation as a must-see cultural touchstone, it has been out of print in America for years.  Used copies of the DVDs sell for absurd prices, and I don't think I knew anyone who owned it when I was a young weeb in the mid-2000s.  I'm fairly sure my family did not have cable during the one specific season it was on Adult Swim, and there's no chance I would have been up at 12:30AM on Thursdays to watch it anyway.  I am not much of a fan of media piracy and wasn't even aware of that option when it was apparently everyone else's favorite pastime to ruin their computers with sketchy torrents.  So there was never a reasonable way for me to watch it, only for me to be dimly aware that this was An Important Show I Need To See.  Until now.  Because it's on Netflix.  As if I hadn't already been awaiting it, I was aggressively reminded of it, because social media and geeky news outlets were soon blowing up with retrospectives and Very Serious Analyses — and fans of the old ADV translation were offering hot takes on how Netflix's release compares.  So let me finally check this out for myself.

We start out in the distant future of... 2015, where UN forces are defending Tokyo-3 ("Old Tokyo" is mentioned and depicted later; no mention yet of Tokyo-2 unless I somehow already forgot it) against an attacking "angel", an immensely powerful alien with barely-comprehensible powers.  Meanwhile, an officer of a UN agency called NERV, Misato Katsuragi, brings our main character, 14-year-old Shinji Ikari, to an underground NERV base under Tokyo-3 on the instructions of Shinji's father Gendo, who runs a secret research project.  Shinji has been brought there to pilot an Evangelion, or Eva for short, a giant robot operated by some sort of neural interface.  In combat.  With no training.  He is, understandably, not happy about this.  After seeing how badly injured the other available pilot, Rei Ayanami, is, however, he agrees to do it — and it works far better than he or anyone else expected.  He apparently has an innately great ability to "sync" with however exactly the Eva's interface works.  But this only gets him as far as starting the thing up.  When he actually engages the angel, he has trouble just getting the Eva to walk, and he feels the pain of the Eva taking damage once attacked, a frankly horrifying feature of the interface.  We cut to him waking up in a hospital, but having surprisingly won because his Eva "went berserk", operating on its own.  A flashback later shows what happened when he lost control of the Eva: it fought the angel by itself, but also took heavy damage, and we see its visor? faceplate? sōmen? of the Eva's armor come off to reveal a fleshy-looking face and a very biological-looking eye.  At this point Shinji blacked out, which is really the only reasonable response to this situation.

Over the next several weeks (the time scale is vague, but since Rei apparently fully recovers from the injuries she had when we first saw her before the time she and Shinji are both deployed, it must be at least 3 weeks between eps. 1 and 5), more angels appear, to the surprise of civilians and UN forces alike.  The Evas continue to be excellent weapons against them (though Shinji himself is still, uh, not great at using them), but despite having now killed several angels, the Evas are considered a ridiculous boondoggle by personnel of other UN branches, and Gendo's sinister superiors seem to be losing patience with his project.  In the words of... uh... that UN navy guy in ep. 8, "Shit!  A bunch of kids are supposed to save the world?"  The alternatives are wildly ineffective conventional weapons and a remote-controlled nuclear-powered giant robot that almost had a literal Chernobyl-style meltdown, which was averted by Misato and Shinji.  Although repairs are expensive, injuries common, and pilots in short supply, Evas indeed seem to be the only effective weapon against the invading cosmic horror, the barely-comprehensible aliens that are impervious to ordinary human technology and also don't fit our concepts of life or... uh... possibly physics.  So, instead, in the words of Misato later in the same episode, "This plan may be insane, but I don't think it's impossible."

While this is going on, Shinji has been adjusting to this new life poorly and slowly.  Despite being a pilot, he is still after all a 14-year-old, so he is enrolled into the same class as Rei at a local school whose student body has dwindled as more people evacuate over the initial angel attack.  He also needs somewhere to live, so Misato arranges for him to move into her apartment.  Some of Shinji's classmates think he's incredibly lucky to live with her, and spend a good deal of their screen time drooling over her, but Shinji is highly uncomfortable around her not just because Captain Katsuragi is his commanding officer, but also because she has a tendency to not wear much clothing around the house and is, er, a bit of a drunk and a slob.  Oh, and she has an inexplicable, clawed, beer-drinking penguin.  You know, all stuff that would make a nervous, lonely, scared 14-year-old completely at home.

Neither NERV training nor school guarantee a community, though, and Shinji, isolated and confused, could sure use one right about now.  He seems quite likely traumatized from the first battle.  He keeps ending up in situations that make him wildly uncomfortable while other characters take them in stride.  He repeatedly attempts to quit NERV or at least defy orders before backing out (or... backing back in?) at the last moment.  It would frankly be bizarre that they accept him doing this, except that (1) nobody really seems to take Shinji that seriously anyway, (2) he's the boss's kid, and (3) most importantly, it seems that only a small number of pilots, all the same age as Shinji and Rei, are even capable of using Evas.  (Wife and I are starting to suspect reasons why this might be, especially given the whole cyborgs with neural interfaces thing, but... uh... let's not embarrass ourselves with public speculations about the plot of a ridiculously famous show almost as old as we are.)  He only slowly gains any support or comfort from his new classmates and colleagues.  They don't reach out to him, and he certainly doesn't reach out to them, because who is he supposed to talk to?  His roommate/commanding officer who is twice his age?  His classmates who treat him as a celebrity, not a person, once they find out he's an Eva pilot?  Even if his default state since the very first episode hadn't been basically imploding into despair with no idea how to communicate that anything's wrong, there's nobody that really makes sense for him to try to communicate it to.  Except one person: Rei.  He notices that she's also isolated at school, and especially after seeing her dark, miserable, unmaintained apartment, he attempts to be friendly towards her.  I thought this might be a hint of growth indicating that he understands she is possibly the only person more isolated than him and the only one who might be able to relate to him, but then the next time he threatens to quit NERV after that conversation, he explicitly claims she doesn't know what he's going though, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe he just has bad social skills.

Sigh.

Shinji does start to make friends with Aida and Suzuhara, two of his classmates, though.  And it's interesting because they contrast against him in their reactions to the conflict outside.  Aida roleplays being in the military and finds Shinji's role as an Eva pilot glorious and enviable.  Suzuhara is initially furious at Shinji because his sister was collateral damage — she was injured when Shinji fought the angel — and his mind is changed only after Shinji rescues him (and Aida) from an angel.  Shinji, though, having been thrust into a role he doesn't even understand and about which he is ambivalent and unstable, lacks Aida's optimistic admiration of his role and a full appreciation of either Suzuhara's resentment or gratitude.  He not only rejects their praise, he calls himself a coward during (sigh) one of his attempts to quit NERV.  It occurs to me that this could be seen as indicating different perspectives about the military (ask any American vet who's sick of being "thanked for their service"), or even different perspectives about adulthood itself — I'll bet any millennial who did not achieve their dreams can recognize Aida's "wow this is amazing I can't wait to be a grownup too" roleplaying vs. Shinji's "I am doomed and isolated by the responsibility that has been thrown at me" actual experience in NERV.

Also thanks to the school scenes, we start to learn some backstory, including the famous "Second Impact".  A catastrophic asteroid impact in 2000 melted Antarctica's glaciers, which led to unprecedentedly rapid sea level rise, leading to mass extinction, including that of half of humanity through not only direct climate change impacts like displaced populations and crop failures but also conflict stemming from it.  Or so the official story goes.  It is later revealed that the Second Impact actually involved somehow the previous arrival of angels on Earth, although this has yet to be explained in detail.  (Actually, I accidentally saw spoilers about more detail about this while revising this review, because I went to sanity-check myself about some other detail on one of the fan wikis, so I know part of where this is going, but only part.)

Over the first eight episodes, which must be several weeks at least after the start of the show given that Rei has recovered from her initial injuries (although the time scale is very vague), Shinji fights four angels total and gradually improves, but the biggest improvement comes not from him being an individual hero but from finally working well with others.  For example, the octahedral angel that drills into NERV's base has incredible abilities to detect and counter incoming attacks.  It kicks Shinji's ass on the first attempt, because duh.  But Misato devises a plan to test its abilities and concentrate the power of... uh... Japan's entire electrical grid(?!) at it from a safe distance, and the plan succeeds only because of Rei giving Shinji cover.  An angel attacks a UN ship convoy transporting the third pilot, Asuka Langley Soryu, and her Eva, and she and Shinji fight the angel together in a ludicrous fight that involves both cramming in to pilot the same Eva together (which, interestingly, requires them to give it the same, or maybe just compatible, instructions together in the same language for it to work... yay neural interfaces).  So maybe/hopefully the direction this is going is "the chosen one is a stupid idea and even talented people need both training and cooperation to not suck at things"?

Episode 8 leaves off with Asuka joining Shinji and Rei's school class, and with the dramatic and creepy reveal of an embryo encased in bakelite which is described by Gendo as "Adam, the first human"...  Well.  That comes off as the kind of thing that would drive the future plot, and hopefully all the Biblical imagery will finally start to converge into something coherent instead of just sort of serving to draw extra attention to the fact that the humans refer to the aliens as "angels".  I've been wondering about that since the beginning.  There's the title, of course, but also the sefirot in the opening and on Gendo's office ceiling, the first angel's attacks using what appears to be a directed energy weapon which invariably forms glowing crosses, and the fact that most of the angels themselves are wildly non-humanoid (a choice which echoes the rather... eldritch... classical depictions of angels — see also the seraph in the opening).  NERV's motto is even explicitly, well, monotheistic at least, if not sectarian: "God's in his heaven.  All's right with the world!", which is counterintuitive at best with the idea of calling the alien invaders "angels".

Well.  I'll find out, and I plan to write a followup like I did with Re:ZERO, going into the broad swaths of the rest of the plot and my overall impressions of how they handled things.  Especially given that this show has a famously-controversial ending.  I jumped into this determined to watch the whole series, so I'm not backing out.

I'll just threaten to quit repeatedly then almost immediately come back.

-----

W/A/S: 4 / 3 / I feel kinda bad about this but 4?

Weeb: I mean, anything with giant robots fighting giant monsters deserves a few points just for that, right?  I don't think this requires much by way of Japanese cultural references or assumptions to watch, though.

Ass: Nudity so far has been brief, partial, censored by convenient angles and object placement, and not remotely sexy.  Thanks to another contextless spoiler I happen to have picked up, I expect an infamous later scene that is clearly supposed to be sad and disturbing in context, which is, again, not the kind of thing this scale was originally designed to describe.

Shit (writing): Even though I tend to overall like their plots, I always sort of sigh and eyeroll at the "let's put children/teens in combat and/or experiment on and/or just plain torture them to force them to become powerful" storyline formula that’s been semi-popular for the last few decades, and Evangelion is definitely in that category.  Friends have said the story is confusing or poorly-paced, and I kind of agree but also think some of the confusion is warranted by the choice to enter the story in media res in order to reveal what's going on to the audience at about the same time it's revealed to Shinji.  As for the tendency to have some long shots where literally nothing happens, that does get annoying, and I suspect its primary motivation was to save money, but I think it also usually emphasizes how lonely the whole situation is, at least before Shinji starts to warm up to Misato and Rei to Shinji in the last couple of episodes I've watched so far (which have, appropriately, had much more action and interaction).  Mainly, my writing complaints are actually about translation, because there are some noticeable and consequential differences between translations for the sub and dub.  Yeah, yeah, I've heard of the love vs. like thing everyone on the internet is already upset about, but I haven't gotten to that episode yet.  I'm talking about things like Misato saying "it will work!" in the sub vs. just "okay!" in the dub when Shinji is first able to control his Eva, a choice which suggests very different things about both her level of knowledge of the project and why Shinji has been called on for it at all.  The new dub also feels... uh... too at home as a dub of a '90s anime, as it prioritizes matching lip flaps over flowing like believable speech.  Having not seen the old dub, of course, I can't make any kind of judgement about whether this is a step up, down, or sideways from how ADV did it.  And the sub has many on-screen captions in Japanese are left untranslated — not things like signs in the background, but actual captions the audience is meant to get information from.

Shit (other): Maybe we're spoiled in this age of computer-aided art, but i's surprising to see a show with such limited animation — speech conveyed only with lip flaps, obviously reused shots within the same episode, foreground objects gracelessly sliding against a background to indicate movement — and so I'm willing to give the show a pass on most of that, especially since the characters are distinctive and the setting and aliens and robots so interesting.  Much of the limited animation actually serves to show the vast scale of NERV's facilities and the Evas vs. the humans and/or to emphasize loneliness like the pacing.  But there really are some painful mistakes from time to time in the art: objects and faces that look utterly wrong, like the artists just did not successfully figure out how to draw that particular character or vehicle from that particular angle.  The legendary opening theme is certainly catchy — it’s been stuck in my head almost continuously for the past week — but I just don’t think I enjoy it as much as other people do.  Some of the immediate complaints that were apparently worthy of news media attention were about the replacement of Fly Me to the Moon with a piece from the show's soundtrack as the ending theme.  I understand why people would be upset by that kind of change, but I am willing to take the controversial stand that it's not a bad change.  The piece they chose as a replacement is haunting and tense, which fits in with the mood of most of the episodes so far, while Fly Me to the Moon feels to me like an inappropriate mood change from that.

Content: Actually among the least graphic of the various shows I've covered involving violent or horrifying elements.

-----

Stray observations:

- God it was weird to write this by constantly abbreviating “Evangelion” as “Eva”, considering that Wife's name is Eva.

- A lot of people seem to hate Shinji as a character, but I find him understandable in a way that probably implies uncomfortable things about my own sanity.  I just... I understand that sheer degree of doom and misery and indecision and inability to articulate any of those.  Man.  Ugh.

- I don't know if you've ever seen an undisguised angel, but trust me: they're horrifying.  (link NSFW)

#weeaboo trash #anime review #first impression review #neon genesis evangelion #evangelion

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

WAD LIOA

Hiding in his bathroom, Lance was hunched over the bathroom counter as he tried to remember how to breathe. Keith didn't seem to suspect anything, and that was good. It wasn't like he wasn't relieved that his alpha was there, but his mind was racing. Having taken a good hard look at himself in the mirror, he found himself littered with bruises from... from doing that with Keith. He couldn't deny it hadn't felt good at the time, but now it seemed like reality was setting in. He hadn't wanted to be bred. He'd wanted to have sex because they loved each other, and each time the word "bred" entered his mind, he felt just that little bit sicker. Turning on the cold tap, Lance splashed his face. He needed to get it together. He needed to be the cocky blue paladin again, especially if they were back on Olkarion... so whatever he was feeling and whatever he couldn't remember needed to wait until the meeting was over, but in the back of his mind he felt like he was forgetting something. He probably was. He didn't remember Keith showing up, and he doubted his boyfriend would have just climbed into bed with him... or maybe he did? Did Keith think that because they'd had sex, he'd want it more now? He'd want to be touched and held like that? Feeling his stomach roll, he hacked into the sink. His tender abdomen clenching as he tried to vomit, though there seemed to be nothing to throw up

"Lance? Um, we need to go..."

The soft words accompanied a soft knock like the alpha didn't really want to disturb him. Rushing to rinse his mouth, Lance then turned the water off with a heavy sigh. He could barely function and now he had to people... he didn't want to people. He wanted to sleep and to be alone.

 Feeling his face redden as Keith stared at his naked form, he coughed lightly. Taking the hint, Keith turned around, leaving the teen to awkwardly dress

"Lance, are you ok?"

No. No, he really wasn't

"Yeah. Just hungry"

He might have been before, but now his stomach was rolling uncomfortably. Straightening up his pants, he then bit back a groan as he forced his boots on. Clothes were way too much effort at the best of times

"All done. Shall we go?"

Turning back to him, Keith looked like he'd been hurt. Lance had no idea why and didn't like seeing his alpha look so down. Forcing his fear down, the omega crossed to the alpha and took his hand

"This is ok? Right?"

Nodding silently, Keith let himself be pulled along as Lance started towards the kitchen.

  *

Arriving in the kitchen, Hunk grinned broadly at them both

"Nice of you to make an appearance"

"If it's so nice, maybe I should charge"

Grinning at his best friend, Lance was honestly relieved not to be alone with Keith any longer

"Allura said you were up, though you look ready to fall back to sleep"

"I am. Heats are horrible... and, I should probably apologise in case I did anything embarrassing. I don't remember all that much"

"Given you nearly died, I think I can forgive you. Grab a plate, Allura is already in the dining room with Ryner, we have a surprise for you"

"Is it a good surprise?"

"Maybe... you'll just have to wait and see. Though I should probably mention it was Pidge who approached her about it..."

"Where is Pidge?"

"She got a lead on her brother"

Lance's eyes widened with excitement

"Really?"

"Yeah. She's off following it right now"

"That's awesome! I hope she finds him"

"So do I. It'll be like meeting another living legend"

"I completely understand what you mean"

Picking up the closest plate, Lance frowned when Keith didn't follow his lead

"Keith?"

"Right. I was just thinking"

"Well don't think too hard, I don't want my boyfriend exploding in Hunk's kitchen"

"Ha ha"

"I know. I'm hilarious"

Quiznak. He was trying too hard. He could hear it in his own voice. Falling silent, he waited until Hunk had gathered three plates onto his hold, before following his friend. It was simple. One foot after another.

 Entering the dining room, Allura rose to greet them

"Ryner, you remember Lance and Keith, don't you?"

"The Red and Blue Paladins. It's an honour to see you again"

An honour... he wouldn't go that far, though his omega definitely perked up at the word

"You too. Hunk mentioned something about a surprise"

Ryner let out a small laugh, it was barely a laugh but it was still there

"Yes, but first eat. You look much improved as to when I saw you yesterday"

"You saw me?"

"Ryner was able to provide some herbs to help promote healing"

"Oh..."

Because he and Keith had gone at it like rabbits... if the floor would like to swallow him, that would be muchly appreciated

"Thank you"

 Taking a seat across from Allura and Ryner, Hunk took the seat to his left, and Keith to his right. He didn't miss the way Keith edged his chair ever so slightly towards him and had to resist the urge to move his own away. He hated this. He hated this so badly. Ryner might have insisted they eat first, but he needed something to distract himself from his own thoughts

"So this surprise..."

Ryner let out a small snort

"The young are always so eager and full of life. Very well"

Sliding her hand into her garb, Ryner pulled out what seemed to be a small wooden box

"Your Green Paladin Pidge told me about your unique biology. She asked me if there was any way to synthesise a compound found on your planet that prevents one from falling pregnant, and eases your "heat"..."

Of all the things to come from the old woman's mouth, he didn't expect that and felt completely blind sighted. His heats were his problems, just like his fertility was his problem. Pidge's heart might have been in the right place, but as he was still recovering from his heat, it felt like a slap in the face

"I see I've upset you"

Quiznak...

"Not upset so much... omegas tend to be very emotionally unstable after heats"

He hated referring to himself as unstable, especially because he knew he was

"This is designed to be worn on your finger as a ring. It releases a small measured dose of a compound our race has used for many hundreds of years. It will not harm any life already growing inside of you, though it will prevent a new life from being created"

Beside him, Keith tensed. The alpha's scent taking on a dangerous edge

"Perhaps it is something to discuss with your partner, after all, these choices are not just yours alone"

"It's his body, let him do what he wants"

"Keith!"

Being scolded by Allura must have been a bitter blow to the alpha's ego. Burying his head in his hands, Keith seemed like he was both self-imploding and getting ready to explode

"Hunk, why don't you escort Ryner back to the bridge? I'll be up there as soon as I've talked to Keith and Lance"

"Uh-ok. I kind of didn't want to hear about this anyway. Ryner, if you please"

 Waiting until the door had closed, Allura then rose to her feet. The woman's hands coming down onto the table with enough force to create a small thud that made Lance jump

"I thought you two would be happy about this. You're at an age where you both have needs and wants, but those needs and wants are potentially dangerous. Lance, you nearly died during your heat because you pushed your alpha away. Keith, you tried to shut yourself away, but Lance still sought you out and now there is a very real chance that Lance could be carrying your..."

Allura seemed to have forgotten the term "pup". Mumbling "pup", Keith seemed just as awkward about having the sex talk from Allura as he did

"Pup. Yes. Thank you, Keith. Keith, Lance could be carrying your pup. He's barely recovered from losing the first two, and I know you don't want to hurt him. Lance, I'm not telling you not to sleep with Keith, but I've watched you for phoebes now, and I honestly feel you are not ready for this. So please"

"I understand, Allura. The time isn't right anyway. Zarkon is still out there, and we have no idea what Lotor is up to either. A pup is the last thing we need around here"

Allura's face softened immediately

"Lance, I truly hope that someday there will be peace, and I'm sure you'll make a wonderful mother, but for now, I feel this is the best option"

Reaching out, Lance slid the box over. Opening it, he stared down at the ring. The ring inside was small, black and smooth... so basically nothing like what he expected. Sliding it onto the ring finger of his right hand, the band automatically tightened so it fit snuggly, but not uncomfortably so. Giving a small blue pulse, it then turned to green, before returning to black

"Well I don't feel any different"

"Excellent. I'll pass your thanks onto Ryner. Keith, please make sure Lance eats and then gets some more rest"

"I will"

His alpha sounded pained, which caused his own chest to tighten in response. He hadn't talked to Keith, instead, he'd just jumped right in. Leaving them alone, a heavy silence hung between the two teens

"Keith. Would you rather I not wear it?"

"What are you asking me for?"

"Because you're my boyfriend..."

"It's your body. How many times do u have to tell you I'll support the decisions that you make before you get it"

Flinching at Keith's cold tone, it didn't sound like his alpha was supporting him at all

"You heard what she said..."

"Lance. Enough. I get it. Just hurry up and finish your food"

Not wanting to push Keith any further, Lance forced himself to eat even though he knew it wouldn't be staying down.

  *

Keith knew he was being an arse, but he couldn't help it. Lance had slid that ring on without even asking about any possible side effects or permanent damage. Was it really safe? He'd known they'd prepared something to help his boyfriend with his second dynamic, but not this. Ryner had said it wouldn't harm the pup if Lance has conceived, but was that really the case? Or was he going to have to hold Lance as he lost another pup? They were human, not Olkari, so would the medication even work? And what if they'd offered Lance an abortion pill? Would the omega have swallowed it down just as fast as he rushed to place that ring on his finger? All the questions he could have talked out with Lance, but just looking at his boyfriend stirred the cinders of his alpha's smouldering rage. No one had ever warned him that falling in love would fill him with so much anxiety. It sucked and it hurt, but above all, it wasn't fair. He didn't want to doubt his omega's love... yet here he was, alone in his own quarters. Lance has said he'd wanted to go back to sleep, but when they'd reached his quarters, the omega had waved him goodbye with a tight smile. Hadn't Lance wanted him this morning? How could the omega forget asking for him? Did he regret it?

 Feeling the silent tears drip onto his hands, Keith wiped his face. He could still smell Lance on his shirt, so he'd stripped it up and buried his face in the soft fabric. He loved Lance. He wanted Lance to be happy, but he was also an alpha and alpha's were supposed to be strong. How did normal alpha's deal with this? He couldn't exactly turn to Pidge or Hunk... and Shiro was just a big fat no. For the first time in a long time, he felt very much alone.

  *

Waking himself with his own screams, Lance flopped back on his bed with a long whine. The fresh memories of spending part of his heat with Keith had melded into the ones of Shiro. In his dreams, it was his boyfriend attacking him. Slamming into him over with such brutality that though he was awake, he could still taste blood. Drawing himself into a ball, Lance sobbed in earnest. He'd been scared of this happening. That was why he'd sent Keith away, and now he was paying for being so weak-willed. If only he had told his boyfriend what he felt openly and honestly... no. He couldn't do that. Not to Keith. Feeling the ring on his finger pulse, Lance forced his shaking hand up so he could see it. Ryner and Allura thought it would help him, but all it had so far done was upset Keith.

 With his overactive imagination working on overdrive, it was vargas before Lance finally fell back into a fitful sleep. His dreams once again about Shiro's abuse. When the morning came, Lance knew he was in a bad state. He'd screamed until his voice was hoarse, and his room was completely trashed, though somewhat more pathetically, he'd wet the bed due to the violent nightmares. Curled up in this bathroom, he'd wedged himself between his bathroom cabinet and his toilet as it was the smallest space within his quarters.

 Hearing a noise coming from the other side of the bathroom door, Lance clamped a hand over his mouth as he tried to silence his breathing. Hopefully whoever it was would think him gone... only like everything, life wasn't that fair. Peaking under the cabinet, he watched the bathroom door slide open, and a pair of black and white boots came into view. Shiro. What was Shiro doing here? Why now? Swallowing down the vomit burning his throat, his eyes filled with fresh tears

"Lance?"

No. No. No. No...

Stepping into the room, Shiro stopped right in front of him

"Lance..."

Shiro's voice was unbearably soft, almost tender. He would have preferred if Shiro had yelled. He deserved it. He was bad

"Lance, should I get Keith?"

Why would Shiro get Keith? Was this a game? Would he hurt Keith again?

Wordlessly, he shook his head

"Lance, let me help you"

The moment Shiro's hand touched his skin, Lance's stomach revolted and he threw up across his hand and lap

"Quiznak Lance. Let's get you cleaned up"

"Don't touch me"

"What was that?"

"Don't touch me!"

Screaming the words, Lance launched himself up, shoving Shiro out the way as he did. Taking off running, he didn't care where he ended up.

  *

"Allura, what's going on?"

Having been called to the bridge by Allura, Keith was surprised to find both Shiro and Hunk there. The woman hadn't gone into specifics, but the feeling in the room told him it wasn't good news

"What is it? Is it Pidge?"

"Oh no, no, Pidge is pursuing a new lead. Shiro has something he needs to tell you"

Looking to Shiro, the man was staring at his own feet

"I... I looked at Lance's memories"

At first, it didn't register what Shiro had said

"You did what?"

"I figured out how to work the Galra tech. I watched all of Lance's memories"

Still pissed from the previous day, Keith's temper got the better of him. Launching himself at the alpha, his fist collided with Shiro's nose, causing a very satisfying crunch

"You did what!"

"I had to know..."

"You had to know what?!"

"What I did!"

"You had no right! No right at all! He's been working hard to forget! How could you!?"

"How could I? How do you think I feel?"

"This isn't about you! It's about him! You told me not to, but it was perfectly ok for you! Are you fucking insane!? Do you have any idea what he went through trying to keep it from you!"

He couldn't believe it. No. He couldn't believe that he couldn't believe it. Of course, Shiro would have been tempted

"What did you do with the device?"

Shiro shook his head, which was a bad move. Grabbing Shiro by the collar Keith screamed into his face

"Shiro! What did you do with it?!"

"Keith, I think you should let him go. We have more pressing issues"

Shoving Shiro back, the alpha bared his teeth as he looked to Hunk. Hunk apparently remembered what happened, so what right did he have to interfere

"What?"

"Lance took off"

Blinking in confusion, Keith straightened himself up. His already racing heart threatened to burst

"He... what... when?"

"Shiro went to apologise for what happened, but Lance flipped out and took off. He's not on the ship..."

"Are you serious! How could you go near him! I have no idea what goes on in your brain anymore! It's like you're not even you! He just went through his heat, and you think... what? Let's go mess with his head even more!"

"I wanted to apologise! I wanted to tell him I understood why he did what he did! Doing those things to him... no one deserves that!"

He hadn't expected that. Not for Shiro to finally see things from Lance's point of view, still, he didn't feel like letting him off the hook

"When was this?"

"This morning"

"This morning? How early?! How long has he been missing?"

"I went to check on him and his room was trashed. He was curled up in his bathroom and I could smell the distress pouring off of him, so I went to help him..."

"When!"

"About 3 vargas ago. We scanned the ship first... but because he's not wearing his uniform or communicator, we can't pinpoint his location"

Turning back towards the door, Keith stalked across the room

"Keith"

"I'll find him! You all just stay here and do nothing, like you're good at!"

So maybe Hunk and Allura didn't deserve the underhanded jab, but how could they let Lance be missing for so long without contacting him? And why hadn't Lance ran to him? Or even to Blue?

  *

This had been a horrible idea. He was all for the outdoors, but now he was barefooted and lost in the woods. Feeling like a fool, he'd tried to retrace his steps, but that had only ended with his feet full of splinters and even less of an idea where he was. Still, limping through the forest, the took it as a win that nothing other than his own stupidity had tried to kill him. That made a nice change. Trying to insert some false cheer into the situation, he forced a smile to his lips

"It's ok. You're ok. You're Lance, the handsome Blue Paladin that ladies can't resist"

The ring on his finger pulsed as if disagreeing with him. Angered by it, he tried to tear it off his finger, only to find it firmly stuck. Ryner hadn't told him it would get stuck... no... he hadn't asked. Struggling harder, the omega failed to see the branch in his way, and promptly face-planted over it. That was the final straw. He quit. Whatever big scary beasts lived in the forest were welcome to come and eat him.

 "Lance! Lance can you hear me?!"

Looking up from the dirt, Lance was sure he'd just heard Keith calling for him

"Keith?!"

Thanks to his earlier meltdown, his yell came out as a pained whimper. Idiot

"Lance! Lance can you hear me?!"

That was definitely Keith. His alpha had actually come looking for him... but why? Wasn't he still mad?

"Laaaaaance!"

"Keith!"

He didn't know why he bothered trying. There was no way Keith was going to hear him. Crawling back over the branch, Lance looked around. Maybe it was his imagination, but the shadows around him seemed to be spreading, and the forest felt that much closer for it. Burying his face against his knees, he bit his lip as he told himself not to cry. He wasn't a pampered city omega... though right now he wished he was. He'd never be out here if he was... or if he'd just gotten over himself

"Laaaance! Baby! Can you hear me?!"

Baby... he'd hated pet names like that before he started dating Keith, but that had mostly been due to jealousy and though baby didn't really suit Keith's image, it was the pet name his alpha had settled on for him all by himself

"Seriously! Lance, you better now be ignoring me!"

Keith was mad... though it sounded like the alpha was coming closer, which meant he was still looking for him. His omega side took pride in that fact. That his alpha was good and kind enough to come into a place like this.

 "Lance! There you are!"

Looking up Keith, the alpha was a mess. Twigs and leaves were caught in the teen's black hair, while mud had splattered across his white pants and boots. Crossing over to him, Keith hauled him up by his arm

"What were you thinking running off like that? Do you have any idea how worried we all were? We need to get you back to the castle"

Pulling his hand, Keith forced him to walk on his already badly hurt feet. Biting harder on his lip, he felt like he had no right to tell his alpha how much it hurt, so tried his hardest not to stumble as Keith led him through the forest confidently

"Seriously Lance, why didn't you come and talk to me? I know Shiro freaked you out, but you're supposed to be my omega. You're supposed to rely on me"

When Lance didn't answer, Keith finally came to a stop. Releasing his hand, his boyfriend turned to look at him

"Lance..."

The hard look in Keith's eyes softened as the alpha reached out towards his face. Gently, Keith rubbed at the side of his mouth with the pad of his thumb until Lance released his bloodied lip

"S..."

Unable to for the word, Lance coughed to clear his throat

"Sorry"

"What happened to your voice? Does your throat hurt?"

"I-its nothing"

"It's not nothing. You should have told me you weren't alright"

Did he really look alright? He felt like quiznak and was pretty sure he looked like it. Turning away, Keith knelt down

"I'll piggyback you back"

"I..."

"Lance, get on already"

 It was a bittersweet relief not to have to walk anymore. With his head buried against Keith's neck, he could smell his boyfriend's anger

"S-sorry"

"What for? And didn't I tell you not to talk?"

How could he answer if he wasn't allowed to talk?

"I'm not ok"

Sighing, Keith readjusted his hold on him

"That's all you had to say"

"My heat made me think of Shiro"

"I figured that was the case, and I should probably tell you that Shiro knows what he did. He watched your memories and wanted to tell you he understood why you did what you did"

"H-he does?"

"Yeah. Still, I might have broken his nose for looking at them"

"You didn't have to do that"

"I did it because I love you. I love you but I don't know what I'm doing wrong anymore"

"Nothing. You didn't do anything"

Continuing the next few metres in peace, Keith broke the silence with an unexpected question

"Lance, do you think you'd want to go on a date with me?"

"A date?"

"Yeah. We can go to the Space Mall... I have some money I got from the Galra..."

"I don't mind where we go"

"So you want to go?"

"Yeah... it'll be fun, right?"

"Cool. Cool. I'll talk to Allura about it when we get back"

"We'll have to wait a little bit though?"

"What? Why?"

"My feet hurt"

Straightening his legs, he showed Keith his feet the best he could

"Laaaaance"

"I'm sorry"

"I feel like I'm making you apologise too much. I never knew falling for someone could make you feel so anxious"

"You get anxious too?"

"Of course I do. Whenever I take my eyes off you, you end up in some kind of trouble"

Oh... so that was it. Keith only got anxious because he kept stuffing up

"... and I get jealous. Because Shiro touched you. Because of how badly he's left his mark on you and because I can't seem to make you better"

"It's not like I had a choice"

"I know you didn't. It's not you in angry at, I get so mad at Shiro, and then I get so mad that I end up hating myself for how I feel"

"You're such a dummy"

"How am I dummy?"

"Because you're the only one I want to be touched by"

Nuzzling Keith's neck, Lance sighed. His throat hurting way too much to continue talking. Closing his eyes, the rest of the walk back to ship passed in silence.

  *

After calling Allura to let her know they were in the medical bay, Keith sat Lance down on the bed. He would have preferred to take him straight to a healing pod, but he needed to make sure Lance's feet were splinter and debris free... which, of course, they weren't. It had to have hurt like a quiznak to walk on

"You did a good job. It's probably going to hurt"

"It's ok. I don't care what you do to me"

His boyfriend's tone might have carried warmth, but it left him uncomfortable. Part of him wondered if Lance would simply forgive him if he ever hurt him like Shiro had. Cursing himself for letting his anxieties get the better of him, Keith left Lance's side to retrieve a bowl of warm water. For a room he hadn't know existed during the first 8 phoebes in space, he now was way too familiar with it. After gathering everything he needed, he carried the lot back to Lance's bed

"You'll need to soak your feet"

"Ok"

Placing the bowl down, he guided Lance's feet into it. The omega immediately letting out a hiss

"I'm sorry baby"

"'t's ok"

 It wasn't long before Allura and Hunk joined them. Shiro was off training with some of the local inhabitants, trying to teach them basic self-defence moves. Keith suspected it was just something Allura came up with so Shiro wouldn't feel like an outsider. He had no idea where Coran was but wasn't in the mood for the man's jokes anyway. Kneeling before Lance, Keith was still gently cleaning Lance's feet with the towel and cloth he'd found

"You did a good job"

Snorting at Hunk, Lance tried to pull his foot away

"That's what Keith said"

"Lance, your voice..."

"Yeah, his throat seems really sore. Once I've got the splinters out, I'm going to take him up to the healing pods"

"Why don't I help you? Hunk, do you think you can make something to help Lance's throaty?"

"It's like she's never tried my cooking before. Lance, I'd personally recommend shoes in the future"

"Suggestion noted. Thanks, man"

 Leaving them, it was back to being just the three of them

"Allura, why don't you take a seat next to Lance"

"I don't want to intrude"

"No, I had something I wanted to ask you anyway"

Moving to sit by Lance like he'd suggested, his boyfriend leant against the woman as Allura wrapped an arm around him

"We were wondering if we could have a day off. I think it'll be good to take Lance out, and I'd like to take him on a date"

"Lance, is that alright with you?"

Why was Allura asking his boyfriend like he hadn't already?

"Yeah... I need to get away from Shiro for a bit"

Nodding her head, he didn't miss the small glimmer of sadness cross Allura's face

"I told him Shiro watched his memories"

"Oh, how does that make you feel Lance?"

"I don't want to think about it. I never wanted him to see them, but Keith said Shiro said he understood why I did what I did"

"Allura, his voice is really bad, maybe we should talk about this once he's healed up"

"Yes, I suppose you're right. We should be hearing back from Pidge soon, so once she checks in we'll know when's best for that date of yours"

Being down a paladin, they couldn't really afford for another two to leave, besides if Pidge really did find Matt, then there might be hope that he'd find his mother. Feeling a small smile tug on his lips, he looked up to see Lance staring right at him

"What?"

"You're smiling"

"I was just thinking about how family is so important. If Pidge can find Matt, maybe I'll find my mum"

"You will"

"But she's Galra..."

"I feel like you will. I wonder if she looks like you"

"I don't see how she could... what's with the scrunched up face?"

"I was just trying to picture the pups. I wonder if they'd have Galra markings"

"I wouldn't care if they did, I'd still love them all the same"

Instead of replying, Lance looked to Allura, the woman pulling back slightly so she could look at him better

"What?"

"I was just thinking it'd be cute if they had marks like you do"

"Lance, those are Altean"

"They'd still be cute. Imagine if they did though"

"I think you're creeping Allura out"

"Sorry, Allura. Hey, wouldn't it be crazy if they did, but it was because of the Earth DNA reacting with the Galra and like Earth was originally settled by Altean's... or like Atlantis was really Altean, 'cause they were all advanced and stuff"

"As nice as it would be to believe that, I don't see how that's possible"

Shrugging his shoulders, Lance looked back to him, seemingly still stuck on the same line thought

"Not all Altean's carry the marks"

"Sorry Allura, just ignore him. You know what he gets like when he thinks he's figured something out"

"It's quite alright. I might go check in with Hunk though. Your voice is barely audible now"

Keith took that to mean that Lance had hit a nerve accidentally by mentioning Altea. The omega probably didn't even realise it. Letting it slip, Keith finished up washing Lance's foot. The number of splinters his boyfriend had managed to accumulate was actually kind of impressive, and he would have been impressed if he didn't know it was going to take vargas to get them all out.

#Voltron #Klance #lance #keith #omega lance #alpha keith

[westword-stories-blog]

CrossSwords - Chapter Twenty

It was dusk, all the lights within the castle were either off or very dim. Everybody was asleep and all was silent in the castle. But there was one person active who tread through the halls silently, using only the tips of their feet to move. Quietly, they approached a hatch. Opening it and looking down the entrance to the cellars.

Once they were in, they scanned the area and then proceeded. The only sound being made was a light footstep, an occasional take-in of air and soft drops of water somewhere off nearby. Eventually making it through the maze-like labyrinth of a cellar, the person finally made it. Ahead of themselves there laid a multitude of treasures. Bags of Gol, priceless artifacts and weapons and also...

"The head of The Dragon's Flute. Ohaahhaa...Finally..."

Chapter 20: Time of Resistance ( Part Three )

"Thank you very much, Sir." Erie spoke to the man who was leading the carriage, he waved back at her as she was walking back into Farza Town to find the contestants. Many thoughts crossed her mind, who would she find? Would they want to defend the kingdom? Would they have the very same safety? Before she could think up an answer to satisfy her curiosity she ran into one of the contestants: Christopher. The one who was paired with Vincent during the first rounds and lost.

"Ack--Hey! Watch where you're going!..." He stared at Erie for a short while then stepped back. "Aren't you the Knight Commander? What are you doing here?"

"Listen, do you know where the other contestants are? The one's who participated in the tournament?!" She looked him in the eyes and all he could do was stand there slightly frightened. "Uh, why? The tournament is already over and we had the after-party already so what now?"

"The Varksa Kingdom is facing a crisis. We would like your help and hopefully, the rest of the tournament competitors." He looked down in though for a moment before looking off to the side. "Hah. Tough luck. The winner of the tournament left back to Narch not too long ago, the top 5 however are still somewhere here."

"Can you gather them? Please.."

"What's in it for me? Money? My own servant? Or something else?" He spoke quietly while leaning in, his shoulder-length hair obscuring his face slightly while he was leaned in. "What you'll get is the pride of doing the right thing for the Kingdom."

He stared at the woman for a long minute then let out a heavy sigh, looking to the side once more. "Fine. I'll get as many as I can, wait around the Inn until then." He fixed his hair and looked at his hand for a moment, turning to her. "Yeah, I'll get them." Then ran off.

~ ~ ~

A Dark Cave, 3 Days after Stacia Village's fall.

"So...Tell me, how much value do we hold right now?" Kohma's unstable voice spoke. He was in his tent, turned around just as he was done putting his mask on. "Collecting everything since then..We're at 14,000 Gol. That majority is thanks to that ball." Another spoke, looking at the ball which was firmly placed on Kohma's desk.

"That's good..Hest Town from what the scouts have told me..They have a pretty hefty stash of money."

"Oh, and sir..There have also been reports that Knights of the Varska Castle are dispatching to tend to still standing villages. One group of knights went to check on Stacia Village."

"I see...Well, that village is already dead. I suggest killing the knights who have yet to make it to the other villages. Hest Town cannot be heavily guarded this time. That girl actually managed to put a dent in on our available men." Kohma took in a deep breath then slowly exhaled, looking ahead.

"Let's just see how well we do anyways. Come now, let's get ready to attack."

~ ~ ~

Fields of Varska, November 16th 2278, 10:46 PM.

The winds were howling through the night, a group of 13 Knights traveled through the darkness. Nobody spoke, they were all silent. The only thing making noise would be their armors and weapons gently pressing against one another. "General Fyrestone, Sir..Why did we dispatch during the evening?" Asked the knight in the second row, 2nd person. General Fyrestone simply looked over his shoulder then back ahead. The man leading all the knights was known to the Kingdom as General Fyrestone. A man without an ounce of forgiveness. He wears a large, bulky suit of armor made from reinforced iron and chain-mail. His large sword carried by his waist and his wide shield behind his back.

"If we move in the Darkness, less bandits will show up, and we can get there by morning. Which will give us enough time to set up a small defensive position."

"That's..another thing, General, sir. Who are we fighting?" He asked once more. "From the reports I've been given, it seems like a group bent on bringing down the Kingdom. It's been much too long since I've received a report like that.." The General looked to be in thought for a moment.

"Fnn--!!" A whizzing sound struck the ears of all the knights true. One looked around in the dark of night then eventually felt the end of an arrow, lodged into the ground. Fyrestone knew this sound all too well, turning to look at the small hills surrounding them, and as he expected. Dark, inky silhouettes stand there with their arms in the air and holding some sort of object. His immediate thought was that it was a bow, and he had no reason to be wrong. "Shields up, men!!" He said just as all of the silhouettes let free their right hand to let more arrows fly.

The arrows made impact with the ground, metals and flesh. Most of the knights were able to survive the onslaught of countless arrows. Once they recovered they looked at where the arrows were coming from.

Again, they pulled their bow strings back for a second then let go once more, another wave of arrows were coming. "Shields up!! Hurry!" The General gave no time for the knights to run, they all put their shields up and braced for impact. Once again, most of the arrows struck their shields and armors, but some slipped through and hit the necks and napes of some knights.

The General raised his head to look around. Half of the men were lying on the ground with dark sticks pointing out of them. "Damn it." He then felt something coming up behind him, pulling out his sword and turning around, swinging his sword as he did so. "Achk--!!" The cry of a man was heard throughout, a dark liquid substance staining the General's sword. "They're not giving us time! We have to fight back!" He looked up in the air and his eyes widened. "Oh god.."

~ ~ ~

Erie put her cup down, a clanking sound rung throughout the bar. "He's really taking awhile." She said under her breath before sighing. She wasn't actually too sure if she could trust these young people with defending the walls of the Castle. But, if King Rose ordered her to do it, she would.

"Knight Commander, Erie." A voice called to her, she raised her head to look around, eventually catching the sight of Christopher with about 4 other people behind him. One of them was the runner-up, two of them were in the top 10 and the last one behind Christopher was in the top 3. A sudden wave of relief washed over her as she grew a smile. "I'm back, these guys were a pain in the ass to find."

She simply shook her head then stood up. "Good..It isn't a lot, but you guys will do. Come on, let's get back to the castle. We've got to get you guys properly geared up and fed." She stood up from her seat and placed a few gol coins down and exited the place along side the 5 warriors.

"Sorry, even for someone as important as you, we can't lend you the carriage. It's been reserved already, so tough luck." Said an old man who ran the carriage business in Farza Town. "But..This is urgent! The fate of the Kingdom is at stake!"

"Yeah? Well ain't that a sucker." The old man said. Erie needed to return to the castle in time, she wasn't going to take this. She grabbed the old man by the collar and pulled him close until their faces were inches apart. "You will give us this carriage, I will drive it. And these five will ride along."

"B-But what a-about..p-paymen--"

"The payment? I'll pay double for what those people were paying you originally."

The old man stared into the burning eyes of the woman for a long while. "I..I've never had someones reservation cancelled before." He said while turning his head over to the last available horse carriage. "Times are changing." She said simply before tossing him aside, reaching in a small bag she carried around, tossing a bag of gol at him then proceeding to the carriage.

"Get in. We have to get there as fast as we can and speak with the King. We'll get further orders from there!" She exclaimed while the five climbed into the carriage and shut the door. "C'mon!" She whipped the small leather binds, the horses letting out a feisty neigh then beginning to dash off back onto the main dirt road.

Next

"Approximately 20,000 Gol. Just for you."

"It's over..."

"I don't care how bad I am! Let me go!!"

CrossSwords - Chapter 21: Time of Devastation ( Part Four )

1 Night after Hest Town's Attack

"Well..The attack on Hest Town went swimmingly. Heck, those knights we had to deal with on the way? Were those even really knights?! I've seen guards do better at small villages for crying out loud! Anyways..You guys can do whatever you want to that 'General' gu--"

Suddenly interrupted by someone dashing in the tent, carrying a bag around his shoulder. "I'm back..And...I've got it."

Kohma was about ready to kill whoever interrupted him, but clapped his hands together once hearing what he had to say. "Oh? Is that so? Well, we might actually be able to do what they weren't able to. Maybe it's because they thought they were living in a time of peace? How idiotic. No, they're living in the worst time possible..."

#CrossSwords #Stories #Westword #Fantasy

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans Are Space Orcs, “Psych Eval.”

I know some of you were hoping for the stuff going on in between, but I needed to get us moving for purposes related to the 23rd, so I think you guys can forgive me. I hope you like it.

A lot of you were calling for something similar to happen, so I hope it all works out.  The last little bit was super fun to write. 

Dr. Adric Jakande wasn’t entirely sure what he had signed up for. When he had moved from The coastal African provinces, it had been to attend the school of his dreams, and from there his path had led him to the UNSC where he had spent most of his time counseling veterans of the Panasian war. Then a letter had come across his desk looking for volunteers brave enough to take on a very new, and dangerous mission. 

He had planned on ignoring it because his life here was stable and comfortable, but there was something about it he just couldn’t get out of his head.

It would be the hardest thing he had ever done: and it wouldn’t be just humans he would be dealing with.

Somehow, however, he found himself writing his name on the contract that signed away five years of his life to the crew of the Harbinger.

There was no turning back now, so might as well get to work.

He wanted to understand the dynamic of the ship and so had filtered through a hundred or more psychological evals. He didn’t read them all, and he wouldn't interview them all, but there were a select handful he was very interested in, and planned to take a look at himself.

He pressed the button on his desk causing the call light above the door to blink on in green inviting his first patient into the office. Footsteps followed, and a young marine, not too much younger than himself, slipped into the room walking over and sprawling out in the seat across from him, a smile pulled taught over his olive-tan face.

“Cprl. Angel Ramirez?”

“Yes, Sir, that’s me.”

He glanced down at the stats on the eval. The corporal seemed in pretty good shape except, “Tell me corporal, on your evaluation you reported higher elvels of anxiety than normal, Would you be willing to tell me why?” The corporal sat up sraighter his dark amber eyes narrowing a little.as he thought.

“Well, sir…. It has nothing to do with me really…. But a friend of mine has been having some problems lately, and I’m not sure if he will be able to get it together before we are on our way. It would pretty much ruin my life if he was….uh…. Not allowed to com .”

“Ruin your life? That seems pretty serious.”

He shrugged, “He holds the ship together, everyone loves him, and I don’t think we would make it in deep space without him.”

“Do you find deep space to be mentally taxing?”

He frowned a bit forced to think about it, “No, not really but I think that has to do with this friend of mine. He does a lot of stuff to get us to come together, activities, holidays, group meals, it really keeps crew morale and I’m not sure we would have it without him.”

“Is there anything particularly bothering you corporal, besides that/”

“No, I guess I miss my family a little, but I was just there, so that is expected. I’ll video chat them from orbit, so it will all be cool.”

He let the corporal go with a nod. The man was stable, happy, and well-adjusted. He would use him as a baseline.

The call light came on again, and another figure stepped into the room, at first he assumed they were a man, though turning around he could see that wasn’t the case. She had very short hair, and a face that could have gone either way, not unpleasant just different.

She took a stiff seat in the chair opposite him.

“Sgt Maverick Morozov…. Russian?”

“My family was a long time ago.”

“Says here you are the ship’s Chaplain.”

“Yes, sir/”

“Do you have a lot of work on the ship?”

“Not really sir, most of the crew is Agnostic, though some come and visit me to talk, though now that you’re aboard the ship that will probably trickle off.”

“Does this bother you?”

“No, not really. I will help people if they need it, but I don’t actively try to solve other people’s personal problems.”

“I am assuming you have a good relationship with your religion?”

“Yes sir, it saved my life once.”

“Do you think this has helped you cope with being in deep space?” 

“Deep space feels safe to me/”

“Why is that.”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, its one of those feelings like maybe nothing has touched that place other than you and the will of some kind of creator. Space isn’t malevolent to me, its empty and dark-- in a comforting way.”

“Do you often experience malevolent things when you aren’t in space?” She paused frowning, “This makes me sound insane doesn’t it, but yeah, and don’t ask me why I don’t know. It doesn’t bother me that much, I can handle it, I just don’t like to.”

Interesting, he would have to take a look into that later.

“And your reported anxiety levels have been high lately. Why is that?”

“On the behalf of a friend of mine.”

Interesting.

“Someone on his ship.”

“Yes sir, if he can’t come with us, I will probably quit.”

“That’s a lot of loyalty.”

“I’ve no doubt he would do the same for all of us, so….. Yeah.”

He let her go thinking about this friend of there who seemed so important to them. He had no doubt she was talking about the same person they all were. He had picked this group of people very intentionally.

The door opened again, and a very, very large figure ducked through the doorway. Adric had to sit back in his seat to contain the surprise. The Drev was HUGE, he had never seen one in person before, and this creature was just massive. Six limbs, and bright red carapace. It almost had to duck to avoid hitting its head on the ceiling.

It ignored the chair, which made sense, and happily kneeled on the floor before his desk still coming into eye level with him even as he sat on his chair.

“Kanan?”

“Yes Kanan Lumnus’s son though all my human friends call me Cannon.”

“Forgive me, I have never interviewed a Drev before.”

“I have never been psychologically evaluated either, so I suppose we share a commonality.”

“Your file is a little sparse, but it says here you were a veteran of the Drev war, and that you were injured during that time. Do you experience any psychological symptoms related to the event.

“Not to the war itself, Drev don’t respond to trauma like humans, mostly because we do not perceive it as trauma. The worst part came after the war when I was exiled.”

He blinked, “Exiled?”

“Yes, i received a grievous injury during the war and my mother banished me from the clan to sacrifice myself to the burning spirits.”

He simply blinked, “Your mother wanted you to……”

“Throw myself into the volcano.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No I betrayed our traditions and left Anin. I nearly died starving a month later, but the humans took kindness on me, and I was recovered.”

“Feel free not to answer this question, but it says here that your…. Mate died during the war.”

His golden eyes saddened a bit, “She did, but she died in glorious combat, so I am not sad for her death. I am sad because of how little time I got to spend with her. Nechal and I would have had a strong brood, but we never got the chance.”

“How does this affect your daily life?”

He shrugged, “It does not, but i think about her sometimes at night before I sleep. And I do my best to honor her memory, and the memory of my father who died during the war as well.”

The Drev had plenty to be psychologically unstable about, but otherwise he seemed fine. He wasn’t sure yet just what a stable Drev looked like though, so he would have to do some more digging, “Thank you, Cannon, you may go.” 

He met with a few other humans before moving on to his next patient Both of the humans were fine aside from concerns abut this unnamed friend of theirs, which seemed to be a recurring theme.

The door opened again  and looked over confused at first when he did not see anyone , however a sharp scuttling across the floor caused him to look over his desk where a small, almost spider like alien was skittering across the floor.

As he watched it inflated a flap of skin at the back of it’s head and floated up onto the chair turning to face him. Its large orange prismatic eyes watched him cooly.

“Dr. Krill.”

“Yes, and you are Dr. Jakande.”

He glanced down at his paper and blew out through his cheeks. He wasn’t sure how to go about this. The anxiety this creature was experiencing nearly broke their scale, and on a scale of neuroticism he almost broke that as well. If he saw this in a person he would be very concerned.

“You seem anxious, doctor.”

“I am always anxious, it is a proclivity of my species. If you want an accurate reading on your test, you should lower the levels to a halfway point”

He glanced down at his paper, “That is still pretty high.”

“I am the commanding physician on a ship where all you humans are bent on getting yourselves killed, and even when you  aren't I have to worry about whether or not you will choke on a grape because your larynx are so poorly placed. I am constantly surrounded by creatures that don’t understand the meaning of caution.” he looked very seriously at Adric just then, “These are my humans and I do not want any of them to die if I can help it though they seem to defy me at every opportunity.”

“Your humans?”

“Yes , my humans, my responsibility therefore they are all MINE.”

Ok this little guy was a bit on the crazy side. If he saw this out of a human he would be concerned, but i the creature was already prone to neuroticism than he wasn’t entirely sure what to do.

“Not to mention a friend of mine may not be returning to the ship, and if he doesn’t I will be out of a job.”

He paused, there was mention f that friend again, “Why would you be out of a job?”

“Because he is the only reason I am on this ship in the first place. He holds my loyalty.

Very interesting.

He let the little doctor go taking mental notes to talk more with him later.

A woman stepped into the room next,her long dark hair falling about her shoulders, large glasses glittering in the overhead lights as she adjusted her coat.

“Dr. Katie Keddrick you are the second attending physician on the Harbinger.”

“Yes, I was brought in to ease some of the burden from Dr. Krill.”

“And how are you coping with that.”

“Oh I am doing very well. I love it aboard the ship. Its just one big family honestly, very nice and homey.”

“That ‘s good. Tell me is your reported anxiety to do with a friend of yours who may or may not be able to return to the ship?”

The doctor paused her eyes wide, “How did you know.”

“A common theme.”

“Well yeah actually. He has a tendency to take all the burden on his own shoulders, so he doesnt cause issue to anyone else. He likes to control things though I don’t think he knows that. It never bothers any of us, but it is getting to him, and we are all worried that they won’t let him through.”

“This friend means a lot to you.”

“He brought our little family together, so yes.”

“You see the crew as family.” 

She smiled, “Well doctor, yes but you will find that out there in the galaxy humanity survives by creating families. Everything that makes us human is magnified under the lens of space, our power our weakness, our goods and our bads.”

He talked with her a little more, she was intelligent and insightful about the workings of the crew, information that he found valuable before letting her go.

He only had one more evaluation before the big one.

This Drev dd not have to duck through the door as she came in. She was very small though the color of her carapace was a pleasant electric blue. She was able to seat herself on the chair tilting her head to look at him.

He wasn’t sure what to make of her evaluation.

“Chalan.”

“Call me Sunny.” 

“Chief weapons officer.”

“Yes.”

“I am going to be honest, I was not sure what to make of your evaluation. You come across as someone trying very hard to prove they aren't affected by something very important.”

She tiled her head. She had the same gold eyes as the other Drev, “My mother didn’t like how short I was, or that I was not as talented as my brother, she treated me poorly and my father died during the war, so forgive me if I still have some unresolved conflicts.”

Very blunt, interesting.

“”How do you cope with those.”

“I remind myself that I beat my mother in open combat, also I have friends now.”

Hmm yeah they were going to have to talk some more for sure. This was less of a healed kind of thing and more of a stick it to the man sort of attitude. She was still trying to prove something, probably more to herself than to others.

“And you are anxious about a friend of yours?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because if he does not board this ship again, I don’ think he will live to see next year, and if that happens, I doubt I will either.”

That was…. that was kind of concerning and intense.

“Who is this friend of yours.”

She shook her head, “No, I will not be telling you.”

Aggressive loyalty, very, very interesting.

He tried prodding a little more out of her, but she didn’t budge, and he eventually let it go allowing her to leave.

He had one more evaluation…. The big one.

***

It was late, this evaluation had been scheduled for the last possible second, and he was curious to see what would come through those doors. He heard the clatter of UNSC issued dress shoes long before he saw anything coming steadily up the hall. He left the light on, and waited at his desk for the person to pass through the doors.

It paused outside his door and then slowly opened inward.

The light fell on a man much, much younger than he had expected. In fact, he could have passed for early twenties, if the uniform he wore hadn’t suggested at least seven years of service, which would make him, at minimum, in his mid twenties. He wore the uniform well, almsot comfortably as he crossed the room.

The look on his face was pleasant like it was just about to break into a smile. His one visible green eye was curious flickering around the room with some interest.

He made his way to the desk and held out a hand, “Dr.”

He took it, the grip was strong, “Commander.”

He sat in the seat just opposite and Dr Adric stared at the eye patch that covered his other eye.

He nodded to it, “I thought you had a mechanical eye.

“I do.” He said softly lifting the eyepatch up, so he could see the workings of the cold metal ball and its black aperture.

“Why do you still wear an eye patch?”

“Because, the eye has better vision than my normal one, and it can be overwhelming. I generally only use it when I need binocular vision.”

“Why not just shut it off, why wear the eye patch.”

He paused thinking head tilted, “It was a gift from a friend after losing the eye in a moment where I wasn’t sure I would make it through the injury. It lightened things up for me reminded me that there is always a way through.” He smiled, “Plus I think it makes me look dashing.”

The two of them laughed together for a moment.

“Why did you call extended leave like this, commander.”

HE sighed leaning back in his seat, “I had to work on myself for the good of the crew. I mean I saw how surprised you were, probably based on how young I am, right? Well due to that I am a novice at leading. I haven't had the time to cultivate how things work when commanding a crew, and I have made some mistakes that have almost cost me my job in the past.”

He listened.

“People tell me I shoulder too much burden and take on too much guilt. I recently learned that I have a tough time relinquishing control on things.”

“Why is that/ Do you often feel out of control.”

“No, but I think that’s why. The last time I was out of control is when I was a child and didn’t know how to fix it, so I assume bad habits formed from there.”

“Your family was stable?”

“Yes very, but school was…. Less than easy for me. I joined the flight academy after my freshman year of high school, so I don’t think I really had the life experience that most other people do when it comes to interacting with people my own age. The point is moot now, but it did hold e back a little maturity wise, I think.”

“You left due to extreme anxiety and stress?”

“Yes, I wasn’t handling it well.”

“And how are you doing now. I don’t see any records here saying you went to see someone .”

The man sighed, and for the first time Dr Adric noticed the German Shepherd sitting at the man’s side resting her head in his lap. She was wearing a service vest.

“I didn’t. I have done therapy before but the first time it didn’t work and the second time I was left with more questions than answers.” He patted the dog’s head, “She helped me the most and I decided that it might be prudent for me to try other avenues. I realized while I was gone that I was neglecting time for myself, and so I have developed a schedule to combat this.”

“Oh.”

“My average working day should be around nine hours, I only need about six hours of sleep. IN that case that gives me eight hours of free time, one of those I will use for exercise in the morning, and another for flight time.”

“Flight time?”

“My greatest stress relief, there is no better way to feel in control in an out o control way than flying, so I have worked it into my schedule and into budget in some way or another so that I can do what this fleet and the UNSC needs.”

“So, you have given up some responsibility, found yourself some free time, discovered stress relieving alternatives. Have you changed the way that you command in general?”

“I have made some changes to the command structure including a panel of advisors, which was just a good idea anyway.”

“You talked about maturity in your earlier statement. Do you feel that has increased much in the past few months?”

The man smiled and sighed, “As it turns out doc, that is the one thing I couldn’t fix at least in part.”

“Oh?”

“I can handle conflict and  issues like an adult, but I have decided that some of that isn’t a maturity thing, it is simply a product of personality. So if the UNSC has an issue with a commander that makes too many  Star Wars’ references  and listens to 2000 year old rock music on the bridge, then I guess maybe I am not the man for the job.”

They talked a bit more until eventually Dr Adric stood.

The commander followed, he looked openly nervous now, though that was to be expected, this was the moment of truth.

Dr. Adric held out a hand, and the commander took it tentatively though his grip was still strong.

“I look forward to working with you and your crew.”

The near smile broke on the man’s face into a pleasant grin that sent little crinkly lines up through his eyes. 

“You are in for a good time, Dr. Make sure to read the rules before you come aboard”

Dr Adric stood confused for a moment before glancing down at his hand.

He had not noticed the Commander slip him the folded piece of paper. He glanced up towards the door as the man’s foot vanished around the corner.

He stood in stunned silence for a moment before looking down and tentatively opening the note.

Welcome Dr. Adric Jakande to the UNSC Harbinger,

On behalf of my crew, we look forward to having you, and I am pleased that you are here to help my men with whatever they may need. You will be an amazing asset to our team.

There are a few ground rules I would like to lay out first. Of course, you know the UNSC code of conduct which  I will not repeat, but I have a few personal rules that will make our lives all the much easier.

Rule number 1: Don’t chuck Marshmallows at Neutron Stars.