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#I understand I'm like that too but with viber
kitkatt0430 2 years
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Do you have any Cisco/Kamilla as parents headcannons?
I've got more parent!Cisco headcanons than parent!Kamilla, but I definitely have some thoughts on the matter.
Both Cisco and Kamilla are pretty relaxed, understanding, and kind people. So I definitely see them both as being great parents. I also don't see them wanting to have more than two kids, though they probably only initially intended to have just one. They definitely name their Team Flash friends as honorary aunts and uncles and I can see them making Barry and Iris their kids godparents.
Kamilla loves doing art projects with the kids. So does Cisco, but he's more of a structural artist type - sewing projects, jewelry making, and sculpture type stuff - while she's more of a visual artist - photography, sketching, painting, etc. So they both have their ways of connecting with the kids while they're still young.
Cisco's got a couple of fears related to being a parent, though. His first and biggest fear is that despite removing his powers, his kids will somehow inherit those abilities anyway. As cool as the breaches and offensive abilities were, the visions were a headache and a half. He does not want his kids struggling with that and it's a relief to him each time they confirm the kids are not vibers. They've probably inherited his potential, but as long as they aren't accidentally exposed to dark matter then it's not a problem.
His second biggest fear is one that probably doesn't pop up until they decide to have kid #2. And it's one to do with how he was raised. His parents played favorites with him and Dante; nothing Cisco ever did was good enough, but they treated Dante like he could do no wrong. And it hurt Cisco because he never felt adequate... but it also hurt Dante because he couldn't move forward with his life when his parents were holding him back, putting his past achievements on a pedestal that he felt like his future couldn't measure up to. So Cisco is terrified of turning into his parents and playing favorites, hurting both his kids in the process. But I also see him recognizing this is probably something he could use some therapy to work out and between that and Kamilla's support and how much Cisco loves his kids, it'd work out okay. He'd realize that choosing not to be like his parents is a decision he makes every day. He'll make mistakes as a parent, but as long as he keeps trying to do better then he really will be a good dad.
Since we only got about a season and a half of Kamilla, we don't really know much about her family. So it's hard to gauge what kind of worries she'd have about parenthood. I definitely think she'd have some - certainly most parents-to-be have questions and concerns about themselves becoming a parent - but I think Kamilla and Cisco's love and support of each other is pretty much rock solid. So those concerns are things they tackle together.
I don't really think they'd raise the kids to be religious. They'd celebrate Christmas and Easter, but it'd be more secularized versions than anything else.
While timing their first kid around the time Nora's supposed to be born might be too soon for Kamilla and Cisco to start having a kid - I'm pretty sure when I did the math for Nora's birth year, it would need to be 2023. But I could see them timing having a kid not too long after Bart's born so that they could get Bart's hand-me-down clothing for their baby. (When my nephew was born, my sister had one friend who'd just had a baby a few months earlier and another who was due in a month or so. There was definitely some baby clothes that got passed down from one growing baby to the next for a while there.)
As for baby names? I think at least one of them - probably the first one - would get named after Harry in some form or fashion. Probably a middle name, so it's a little less of a 'dead guy junior' type trope going on. Or maybe they'd use Jesse's name somehow, since that would also be a way to honor Harry's memory too. Alternatively, I can see Cisco wanting to pass on Dante's name - despite how rocky things were with his brother, he never stopped loving Dante. It's less clear to me what names Kamilla might want to pass on to her kids or if she's the type to want to use family names vs the type who wants to give her kids names that are entirely their own without passing forward the baggage of the past. (The controversies of baby naming; thank goodness I only have to worry about naming any OCs I might write or dogs. Which, admittedly, are both kinda like naming babies anyway.)
Honestly, it's such a shame that Jenna is barely ever seen on the show. I do get why, given the challenges that having child actors poses, but having Team Flash babysitting would have been incredibly cute. And perhaps given us a glimpse of what they'll be like when they're finally parents themselves.
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intolerancecare 2 months
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See...
Did viber recorded my convo? or the devil did?
I'll do a timeline:
That effing devil asked me something about Dina (my roommate) and Carlos (his roommate) He is feeling close. I don't like him. them. My alterego ate or maybe the baby don't like them. Understand? They were not raised poor.
Then he asked again if I have a phone. I'm not interested actually. I have an analogue. I just wanted a laptop for YM and movies. But he mentioned Viber, which is not yet in the Philippines then, (he knows because he came to Kwt, around 6 months before my batch) He even asked me that day to join him because they are going to the mall. He even waved like a puppy from the other bus.
I didn't join him, but I did take a phone because I learned that it was their mode of communication. Everyone even whatsapp. So, he is the first person that I asked about the app. I was so haphazard in checking. He sent so many food stickers.
January birthday celebrants prepared a party (I think they collected money from us too) I wanted to join. That's how we were raised in school. K? We were kinda like part-time actors. All performing arts after school. Yes, like Singapore's Private classes. The top students like Korea's cram school. I thought maybe because the pop student was a director's son. Yes, he is not the relative. Going back, when I asked him about the party, he didn't answer that was his style. I was a bit insecure at that time. He doesn't answer even those he hears me he was kinda like internalizing.
Then C and her minions attacked me. Real? She you? It wasn't necessary. Jim's dopple ganger was right. No expectation. I know my place. They made this epic. It wasn't necessary.
March, your anniv? She kind?
My friend's birthday.
I panicked, so I asked a friend. A late acceptance to his prior invitation. I don't want to talk to the girls. The bastard cried. I'm used to hanging out with friends. Why would he cry? I'm supposed to be the one crying on that day. I wanted to meet new friends. I think I knew then that the white lady from H&M was in their flat. That extortionist? That's what I know. And Dina also talks a lot about Carlos, his roommate. That's me. I needed friends.
I knew then that I was dealing with... If I am a robber, I was seeing pick pocketers. You know, scheming planners. Like these, that I am blubbering. building effing network. A network's name...
They just hit me hard. Obando after Jerry. They turned him. Yeah, they became Millionaire's children.
He is not real to me? Then what was his purpose for getting close to me? You know when gossip mongers whisper their cuss, they will gather around me. Then he'll say "apat dapat" (must be four) He, Melojane and Monatus. See, they ganged up on me. Threat? because I was surrounded with foreign friends. Sayang naman panlilibre at pagkocoat nila for a dinner sa hotel. Eliting the arabs? Elite e. Melojane was like: My husband brought me this for this KD. Yes, 3 idiots' mr. price tag. I know some real rich people would say I bought this BRAND for a cheaper price (but of course it was not really cheap). Then Arjun will say: We used to be rich. My father had a business. He a fortune teller? He is so fucking amazing? Fucking kind to everyone right? Haha! See, they like throwing parties. I just like parties. No bribery. No political advertisement. They look so effing rich. Monatus said his mother is a DOH secretary (he was a grocery bagger)
Me and Melojane was chosen as the trainer cum assistant. They had to go back to the stores. Look here. During our team building and send off party for them, he sat beside me. Didn't notice him until he asked (surrounded by everyone) "Did you love me?" How do relationship starts? I dunno? but maybe I should try. I think my quick thoughts was actually the possible impediments of my finances, like, if I can handle him if this is a kasubuan, like, not for fun. I still have responsibilities. I mean gf can be so I said "yes, maybe" (duh! how did your first relationship started? Love at first sight? He's not handsome, He's not intellectual and he is not good looking and not articulate) THEN HE CRIED LIKE A DRAMA ACTOR. WATERFALLS. saying "my girlfriend is coming" I said ok. For me, it was just a try. An answer to his question. When he said that then, it's invalid. Truth is, in my blog, I was thankful for the shady part. It didn't become a commitment. Wait for the effing bluntness. What actually confused me was after his drama, he acted like a victorious actor. They rode a taxi, I was left with Mina. We walked to our place. Then I realized, maybe he cried for me? That was another loss? So, I cried, while Mina was tracking our way in his GPS. Accidentally, my phone fell on the beach that night. Thankfully, I don't need to talk to him. He was my chatmate. I chat with others too. Even Don (not dawn) I was not interested. More cautious with them. Because I don't know their culture. What I didn't know was the desperate kababayan culture. We have mixed friends right? Gender? Come on, adult doctors that I know male and female mix too. I have group of friends that are very very mix. Pride. I was testing waters, we mixed during the training.
You will think, to see if you can handle the consequences. But it was just all good intentions. Fucking trust in humanity. I have broken relationship with my family. Rehab wasn't the norm, but we do argue, just a spur of emotions but we normally make up so yeah, when I'm kind, I'm weak. Kind people don't win. Devils won.
Anyway, I did cry. But I was really happy about the training. They know I love the brand. My phone was off for days. I even yahooed, It said I should open it, let it dry and bury it under my rice. (Devil's advocate, hey, I read it from a local pocketbook) I tested my phone during our lunch break at work. In less than a minute, it rung. He was calling. He never call. I think not in viber. He called. I was very happy then. It was nothing really. Honestly. Not necessary to avoid. The thick faced called. Laughing! Did he think that I closed my phone because of him. How many times did he try? Instant rung? Coincidence? Thick face right? I searched him on FB. I didn't see any picture of a girlfriend or a name in all his posts. His family? Fat. Dark. Shady. No right to be mean. Who like who? I am not Cherry. But I only have filipinos to rely on. I don't belong to christian church too. Not kidding. Not religious but, very student for me. You know, like me as a student and nurse. They do recollections every week. See, my lola was a community prayer leader. I always join her. She pinches me whenever I move my head or say "hipus" eventhough I am not talking to anyone. But we just pray the rosary. My tita brought us to a catholic group. There was a seminar for new joiners, me and my cousins make fun of what we do sometimes but we listen. Some acts are too dramatic but we've done it in school. The priest invited us to his seminary where my father used to study. I don't know how long. I'm not an atheist. We just attend mass after the orientation.
Then one time, Melojane invited me to visit everyone at avenues. we saw him with Carlos. He was too elated, fooling around. Not disciplined? It was so effing awkward. What I did instead is stand before Carlos who was doing embroidery at some baby blanket. I shut my ears. I was too shy. It was awkward. He was too happy. I thought, this is what I do at my lola's house. Maybe I didn't think of that, but that is what I normally do. I watch skilled people.
Fucking people who said I'm the bitch.
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miss-ing-diary 1 year
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October 10, 2022
Diary Entry #13
Summary of my fifth week
So, hey! What are you doing? I hope you're just doing fine when you read this. This is the summary of my fifth week at work.
How would I described this week? Hmm... The word that best described it was a DISASTER.
Just like any other day I was in office I experience much stress this week. Since the peak season arrived, there were so many trucks that we should accommodate and papers to be released.
You know what, actually there is nothing wrong with my work for real. The only thing that gave me stress was the CSR. I mean... why we should asked them about purchase order or advance shipment notice when they could've send it on viber. And they should be active on monitoring everyday so that they could give what the documents needed by the truckers that day without the releasing department asking for it. I mean what if we missed? The fault will always be ours to claim? That's unfair especially if we are doing our best at work!
Anyway, we got new hired this week. Two for releasing department. One for load planner department, one for picklist, and one for the invoice department. Due to that we got a little meeting for them to be introduced. We went to the conference room and got a little chit chat when he arrived (as usual late). He went straight to my side (well, at least... Because I was sitting beside his friend. He looked at me and all of the sudden tapped my shoulder three times as if it was a way of his greeting. It was kinda hard so I winced a little. Nonetheless, it seems like forever since the last time he approached me so it's fine.
I swear I can't help but to smile the entire meeting after that. It was a good thing that I had a mask on my face. Yet, I never thought that'll ends there. For when morning comes I made mistake again and one of the factor was with the CSR (See? I should change the S in CSR as STRESS). I caused another trouble and I looked like a fool in his eyes again.
The next morning, yours truly can't even looked at his eyes because of shame. I went straight to help Ate Rea. Since it was time for them to log out because of the shifting, I just took a glimpse of his back and focus in what Ate Rea was saying. Then suddenly he came back and was giving something. I don't understand it since I was listening to Ate Rea. All I knew is he was giving something like a ball pen (I don't even know whether he's talking to me or to ate so I didn't make any response or if that ballpen was mine because I left it on the table behind him). When no one responded he got pissed and just turn his back at us. 馃槪 Sorry not today 10 percent.
Lastly, I burst out again this week (I hate having a weak heart). I cried inside the comfort room because I can't hold it any longer. I felt like a dead battery but the good thing is my co-workers. They are really supporting. I really felt that. My team lead said I should take a break. Kuya Rocky, Joshua, Princess, Ate Ange and Ate Harriette comforted me. I even sense Ate Baby's care, too.
One thing I'm lucky about in work? My co-workers. I'm glad I met such good people.
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ohimesama 2 years
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9.16.22 Friday
8:01 am
Starting 7am Uncle Jun is fixing again the slow toilet bowl flush coz of grandmother's solid poops...
Nothing much to say,other than,I feel bitter and wanna leave the hometown...
8:42 am
Still,having the windblow and I don't wanna greet fake people... Still no responsibility cheap 2500 for this week... Cheap for 15 years,that's a help! Help cheap just to show off...
9:02 am
I hate church of christ! I feel bitter this windblow cult... 15 years too much of me being nothing... I need a lil bit of spotlight...
9:55 am
Uncle Jun is asking if Uncle DD is texting me,I said no,nothing... Uncle Jun said coz his main worker Kuya Mario took away their 140k in pesoses.... They should talk to Kuya Mario coz he got that deal and I don't wanna be their supporter for life,that's their house...
I feel like I'm trap here for nothing...
12:04 noon
RV left my big umbrella in the house of I don't know....I hate that kind of character.... I need my big umbrella...
I hate some Filipino windblow trap! I have the windblow trap!
1:44 pm
I hate this windblow trap it is so unfair!!! They reverse the people,they made me poor and stole my xfactor!!!
3:42 pm
I hate church of christ angels for having that cult group and for stealing,copying and controlling... I have this windblow trap!
5:15 pm
Uncle DD texted me on viber... They pawned their car...
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8:47 pm
I still have the windblow trap... I don't understand about the movement of some relatives and people... I feel hurt for 15 years... People in cult are all unfair for controlling my life for 15 years...
I'm self-pitying and I have no chance to see by the Prince I like... Someone always took my place and that is my sad story...
I lost xfactor in life, I lost my chance to exist on upper friends...The painful thing someone always took my seat... I'm always the 2nd choice, it is so painful in my part...
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linanord 2 years
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Irish breakfast and green tea!
Irish breakfast: currently I'd like to visit Ukraine to see my bestie, but in general European countries are all on my visit list. Also Romania in particular because Nothing ever gets close to the pure vibes of Romanian cities (also to maybe visit my school friend who I doubt even remembers me but mi-i dor de prietenie cu ea)
Green tea: I feel most at peace in vaguely familiar places, such as caf茅s or parks or my friends' courtyards or maybe even a forest if I have a map or a nice company
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defiant-firefly 3 years
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Yo! Do you have any headcanons for team interactions and such in your p5r labby au? I'm really interested in the little things of how she meshes with the other characters
I do! Though everything is likely to change cause my mind is always a muddle till I actually ya know... Get there
Labrys strikes me as the type that will love literally anything that's not related to her past so I'm gonna take that and run a bit
Haru probably has the best relationship with her since she's around the longest in this AU aside from Yoshizawa. Labrys helps her out with her gardening and stuff and Haru has the patience of a saint with her and all her questions on how plants just grow. She likes showing her all these pretty flowers and stuff and they trade tips on axe wielding and stuff. Jdkdn they walk into Iwai's and Labrys is like 'so what kinda gun ya want?' and Haru points at the most explody thing she can see like 'that one.' and the second she first uses it she has the stupidest smile on her face and now Labrys wants one too.
Morgana is the one that wisely banned Labrys from using guns. She can't aim for shit and she nearly shot his tail off once so he makes the call that she's not allowed to shoot unless everyone is at a large, safe distance. He's encouraging towards her when it comes to making infiltration tools and he likes to bounce between staying with the different members of the team rather than just one. He absolutely abuses the fact Labrys doesn't have much of an understanding on what animals need to eat and will have sushi or curry or anything he can convince her is necessary to his health. Sojiro is like 'just give him cat food?' and then turns around and gives him curry and Morgana is loving it. Labrys is always fussing over him in his cat form though and while he pretends he hates it, he adores all the attention she loves giving him.
Makoto is a fun one. As student council president, Labrys looks up to her a great deal especially at first. Makoto's arc is a bit different in this AU but she becomes Labrys' go to when it comes to questions about how the world works. The team like dragging her into their shenanigans and whenever Makoto doesn't know the song they're singing in the Monabus there's a bunch of scandalised gasps and later Labrys spams her texts with all the songs she didn't know and all the new ones they're getting into. It takes ages before Labrys starts calling her by her name instead of 'Miss President' and it kinda irritates her but she kinda gets it.
Futaba introduces Labrys to Featherman and they maybe get a showtime where they imitate Team Rocket or something with Morgana. Once they get to know eachother, they bully eachother just a little bit in good fun and Sojiro just watches when these two get started with their little bickering matches like 'ah shit here we go again'. No one ever wins it usually ends with them both laughing about whatever dumb thing the other said last. Futaba likes to joke that she fears nothing since Labrys has the ability to talk to people and she doesn't and you can't tell me Futaba isn't a bad influence. At some point she's sat there trying to get Labrys to say 'fuck' and the next they've invented a coffee called 'Cyanide' so if anyone asks what they recommend they can say 'For you? Cyanide.' Basically: these two are chaos incarnate. Do not start a prank war. Futaba the master strategist will lead them to victory.
This is turning into a long post huh? But uhh Ryuji starts singing in the Monabus and suddenly these two are best friends. She helps him with training where she can and they hang out at the arcade sometimes building a hoard of tickets to get the biggest prizes possible. Labrys kinda gravitates towards him when she's feeling a little low and his persona's natural electric abilities are to blame. They leak out into the real world a bit and charge his phone a little and stuff so when Labrys is near she gets a little boost too. Ryuji uses it as an excuse to hug her. Futaba ships it but doesn't complain when they both hug her and her wireless headphones charge back up. He's kinda protective of the team, but especially with Ann and Labrys. He will not let her live down how she forgets she could yeet a train across the whole of Shibuya whenever she asks how he forgets his homework or something. He also probably loves the short jokes.
Ann uhh... Is Ann I guess? She's one of the ones my brain struggles to visualise doing stuff honestly. Maybe they go shopping together and just try on all the silly hats and stuff they can find. I have a few ideas for things they can do but they're spoiler heavy so I'll skip over those. She also forgets about Labrys' super strength and is amazed by it every single time she effortlessly lifts something. Maybe the one to explain sexualities to Labrys? I dunno I've not messed around much with her arc yet.
Yusuke is... Uhh well he's very spoiler heavy. They're both people watchers and just like vibing in eachothers company. They're very protective of eachother but don't necessarily talk much. He does become her curry taste tester though. She's determined to make sure he doesn't go hungry just like the rest of the team is. I dunno, they're vibers. Could both probably turn into theatre kids at the drop of a hat though
Yoshizawa is a fun one. Labrys isn't exactly human and Maruki didn't account for that and her already decent knowledge of illusionary abilities so Labrys is constantly getting her name wrong until they come up with a nice nickname to use instead. It kinda freaks Yoshizawa out but she sees Labrys calling Makoto 'Miss President' for ages and assumes she just sometimes has problems with names or something but being called her dead sister's name is weird as hell. They're relationship is a bit strained at first thanks to all that but it gets better. They're constantly supporting eachother and building eachother up. They do it with the rest of the team but when they do it with eachother they can be going back and forth for a while. Everyone outside their group assumes they're together. Whether they are or not is anyone's guess at this point though. Yoshizawa can and will eat as many Big Bang Burger kids meals as it takes to get Labrys all the spaceship toys and Labrys will practice for hours the gymnastics stuff she's been taught so she can get it right the next time they hang out. They will kill you with nice words and sunny smiles and feel no remorse and Akechi wonders how the fuck he's survived in their presence for more than five minutes. They're innocent oblivious beans and they get along so well singing showtunes with Ann and Ryuji in the Monabus.
I plan to give Akechi an overhaul I've not yet worked much on yet so I'll skip on him for now. And Akira has his own arc and stuff now that I don't really wanna spoil too much but he is sucked into what the school are now calling 'The Gardening Cult' with all the others.
I spent maybe too long on this but I don't care it was fun thanks for asking buuuud ^-^
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manipulativesadvirgo 2 years
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POV: tfw you're the cigarette when Alanis said "and the other one is flicking a cigarette"
Dear X,
I recently came upon the desperate chats I sent you on Viber when things started to unravel. You lied. You said you're going to the North for work when you're with someone else. You lied. You said you won't see her again. You lied. You said she's nothing. You lied. You said you love me. And you lied some more. I just wanted you to come home that day. I just wanted you to come home to me.
The days and days of trying to bury all those hurt feelings, all those healing shits I tried to build up on - all useless now. Remember how we used to joke about me being avoidant? I think I did just that. I deliberately refused to acknowledge the pain - I made excuses that you chose her because of all the things that I'm lacking, that I suck at being a girlfriend, that I deserve it because I'm dry and lazy who never realized my shortcomings until it's too late. I also dove in headfirst to whoever I can get my head into. Jasper. Li. Lon. I almost succeeded. Or at least I'd like to think so. I was doing fine, I'm having good days. I moved in to a new apartment without your help. I'm reading again. I liked someone. I've done things.
Today though I miss you. I admit that I miss you. Today I will let myself wonder on all the what ifs. I will wish we can go back to where we were before. We've been together for so long, almost 9 years, that I started to think that you are an extension of me. I let my social skills suffer (die?) because you can be social for the both of us. I let you decide everything. I know now how tiring that must be. I'm sorry. But I never thought you'll leave, you promised that you won't. Usually, I don't rely on promises - but I let my feelings win this one time. You love me, I said, to stamp down the cynic in me. I thought we'll get married. I wanted to get married. I know I told you too many times about proposing to me, but I've thought and dreamed about proposing to you. Ako naman, sabi mo nga. I've thought of adopting. I've thought of getting financially stable so we can have a yard for the babies (dogs) to play and run on.
I guess, flicking a cigarette is just something so sudden. Ganoon lang ba talaga? Oo, ganoon lang! It's a decision you make because you're done with that stick. If you want to smoke more, you get a new one. Even when that old stick is still lit, you decide that it has come to its end. You can pick it up (proper cigarette butt disposal please!), but more often than not, you don't. And that's what you did! You just flicked all those years away. And I'm telling you, that feeling of getting discarded is one of the worst. I just wanted a sincere sorry, an admittance that I was wronged. You've wronged and hurt me. I need to see that you understand how much you've hurt me. I died X, I died every day then. A little regret I hope - not of the ending of our relationship, not of me, but of hurting me. Because I don't deserve to get hurt. No one does.
Maybe when things are buried alive, there will come a time that it will claw its way to the surface. So here is it now: a zombie of all the pain, coming for one last collision. And this time, I need to face it head on, kill it for real, and make sure it stays dead.
Thank you for everything,
B
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thepacificislandgirl 4 years
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Almost 7 years together and we've only been physically together for more or less 3 months.
LDR is not something I would really recommend for couples or just anyone, it's not easy. Unfortunately, sometimes it isn't an option.
Many would ask how we did it and I kept saying "I really don't know 馃槄" but the last time I was asked (yesterday) and it really made me ponder.
Here are some of what we do to nail it:
we build foundation with trust, faith, respect and honest communication. Basic, I know but we were veryyyy rocky at start and to be honest I didn't know that we will last at first.
We both are very much willing to stay and keep each other. (I'm giving him more credits on this one)
We involve each other in each other's lives even when apart, thats quite tricky.
We often ask: How are you? How was your day? Have you eaten? What's for dinner? ... etc... and we really do listen. (not just asking for the hell of it)
Call / video call / DMs / PMs / skype / snapchat /viber/ messenger and other messeging app you can think of helped us a lot.
Although we are very much advance in technology nowadays, we still send each other letters/cards on special days or just because we like to. We sometimes give each other little surprises by asking our dear friends/siblings for help.
Understanding and compromising are also a big thing here.
Fighting is inevitable but we always talk about it to get over it, asap.
We always forgive.
One of our mottos: "If its in the past, it doesn't matter".
Patience... heaps of it. (I've just manage to learn it when I started dating him)
We learn to accept each other, wholly. (Includes the past)
We support and let each other grow not just as a couple but as individual too.
We pray, a lot. (I think I do this more than him)
*I reckon there might be some that I forgot to mention but these are the main things that we do.
To be honest, I don't think what we do is much different from your typical "we-see-each-other-everyday" relationship, which I'm very much jealous of.
It's just the d i s t a n c e.
I miss him every freakin' day
If your gonna ask us the next time we'll see each other, we just say soon and that's what we really hope and pray for.
Although that "soon" can take days, months, even years.
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irasuperbiavanagloria 5 years
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I wrote a letter of understanding for my boyfriend....
I sent him a viber message.
I am never a talker. I was never raised to talk back to someone.
I can't do things that will make me feel guilty after dropping a bomb a few hours after saying something or doing something.
I am never a talker but I want him to know that I felt the slight biased and misogyny in our relationship and I know deep inside IT IS WRONG.
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I KNOW YOU ARE NOT A READER AND I'M NOT A TALKER BUT PLEASE READ
All the time you pissed me with your words such as fat and stupid, I tried dealing it better and calmly and now I'm getting this silent treatment from you like as if I severed your arms and legs is quite unfair. I dont have to level up with you just because youre older and knows a lot better and if you think it is important that I satisfy your level, then leave me and find another that is smarter, way lot better than me where you can no longer bother calling fat and idiot.
If all the while you are aware that between the 2 of us, it is you who should carry more responsibility as much as I wanted to be responsible to make you a better person (wherein I eventually and keeps failing), I hope you should be aware at least that I have more info to take and I worry a lot of things and it is hard to focus into one. Knowing everything is important yes, but if I failed to answer one of your specific questions, I know youre right about me being an idiot, but telling me that it is stupid for not knowing it is too much and very immature. I kept telling you I am not the project officers who are hands-on on it yet you tried squeezing out info from me. My original task is that I organized reports from these project officers and keep the chairperson of the investment committee up to date on each project officers activity timeline. I dont meet with the investors. Basically what you asked me that night, that one specific question is only known by the project Officers and the senior manager.
Dont gaslight me. Because it is effective. I started seeing myself as stupid soon after that night. I question whether am I really smart and capable. Is this what you want? Because I think is not good. I prayed for a guy who will understand and support me. What happened? I aired this dilemma that I have with you to a very close friend of mine, else I would gone mad. Never to my family.
I'm not a talker like you. And I wont be ever have the chance to make myself a better talker to complement yours. So I remember your sentiments outside nuwa that night where you gave me breads. You said you were hoping we click and be happy together. I started contemplating. It is as if every week we have conflicts and it is not good. I told you already what upsets me calling me fat or things that offends me if you ever notice, as soon as after you say something to me, I change and keep myself quiet as you notice after dinner by the slot machine, in the bus, and until after fucking me. I jusy had enough when you answered a specific question and I can't. My mind was away. Yes, I had the photo as my reference but I was pissed as I kept myself quiet and calm but I had enough.
By the that time, you should know how you piss me too like how I am trying so hard to behave myself so to avoid weekly conflict specially in COD. But I cant make you stop. I never had a training to stop a talker. I have to adjust and behave for your sake but 1 little thing about what offends me you didnt take that in mind. And I'm the crazy person that pisses Keith Kim. Yay. Am I right? Is this fair?
So whatever pisses me off, I admit, I realized I am making everything to even out with you. You were angry when I dont let you out of this bldg. and held you here for a while. That's for calling me fat for the nth time that night. That's for calling me stupid and knows nothing about what I'm doing despite having my hair falling and getting thinner, having pimples and other skin problems due to over worrying from that work. I went in the elevator to see the look on your face and I was satisfied that youre pissed. I got even with you. Oh? Remember that you gave a go signal to call you names and offend you too? I realized nothing will offend you with words from me because you clearly had established that between the 2 of us, youre the talker. I regret it and I feel bad doing that. I guess you never regretted an ounce, I get it.
Tell me if you think we're really done like I said last night. The ball is yours. I don't end relationships. I never had ended one.
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