#I used to use the label lesbian for a long time until I figured out I was trans

[cowboyellies]

august e.w. (1)

summary/ author’s note: hello! this is my first tumblr fanfic (also my first post because I’m not really sure yet how this website functions lol) I decided since it’s august to write an ellie fic inspired by the taylor swift song! (and the folklore love triangle in general) for those already aware of the story, ellie is supposed to be james, dina is betty, and the reader is augustine.  the characters are all supposed to be in the summer before they start college (18) so a slight difference from taylors lyrics. other than that the story is pretty much the same (aka angsty with a sad ending for poor reader </3) this is gonna be a multiple part fic so buckle up!

for those not knowledgeable in the folklore cinematic universe: after an awful fight with dina right before the start of summer (and dina’s three month long summer trip) ellie is left with unanswered questions about her and dina’s relationship and their future. ellie then meets you and pretty soon you begin a summer fling, leaving you questioning whether she was ever yours to lose?

warnings/themes: angst!!lots of it, cheating (womp womp), ellie is stupid and kind of a dick, reader is delusional and a little pathetic (me core), alcohol and weed use, eventual sexual themes (prob not in great detail because i suck at writing smut) talk of non consensual groping, homophobia (fun!)

word count: 2.1k

---

you decided to leave the prom an hour and a half early. the music was lame, the tacky decorations didn’t do nearly enough to mask your public school’s moldy gym, and your date, who you had made sure to inform multiple times that you were just going as friends, tried to stick his tongue down your throat in the middle of the dance floor. you said goodbye to your small group of friends who were still partying with their dates, and made it to the exit of the sweaty gym, making sure to toss the lame corsage you had been given in the trash on the way out. since your debt ridden public school had cheapened out at the last minute and moved the prom’s venue from a nice event hall two towns over to the gymnasium, your friends decided to skip the whole overly expensive limo thing and just take your cars. you made your way to your old but lovable station wagon and began driving the opposite way from your house. you knew if you came home this early your mom would bother you with questions so you figured you’d stop and get a slurpee to pass the time.

and that’s when you saw her, the girl you had seen earlier in the night awkwardly standing near the punch bowl fiddling with her thumbs while her date danced energetically with her friends. you had seen ellie williams before but never paid much attention to her. she had a famously close friendship with dina woodward, probably the most beloved girl in your small town yet she herself kind of flew under the radar. It wasn’t until tonight when you saw ellie in her black suit, arms linked with dina as they entered the dance that you realized they were definitely together. given your small town’s outdated views and ridiculously rampant gossip mill they could obviously never label themselves as together publicly, but you could tell. you knew the small town closeted lesbian look all too well. 

you noticed now as you approached the reddened stop light where you both would be waiting for the next minute that she looked really sad. her posture crumpled as she trudged along the broken cobblestone, a look one could only describe as heart broken across her face. Impulsively you felt your fingers moving to roll down the car window. you weren’t the type of person to involve yourself in anyone’s personal problems, but the mixture of your own shitty night and ellie's grim expression moved something in you to open up that window. 

“hey!” you called out to her across the sidewalk. her saddened daze broke and she looked up at you surprised, so lost in thought she forgot anyone else in the world existed. “get in!” you yelled, shocking yourself in the process. you watched as her face changed from confusion to wariness. you watched as she mulled the proposition over in head, registering your prom dress as a sign you had come from the same place as her and therefore most likely were not trying to murder her, only give her a ride home. she hurried over to your car before the light could turn green, shutting the door with intense force behind her making the both of you slightly jump. soon after the light turned green and you began driving to the 7-11 which was only a couple of minutes away, a 90s song quietly played in the background as you nervously tapped your fingers on the wheel, starting to regret your decision as you weren’t sure what to say. 

Ellie opened up her mouth a few times to talk, but realized she wasn’t sure what to say either. This night had worn her down to exhaustion and for the first time in hours sitting silently in your car provided her with a surprising sense of calm. as your car finally pulled into the neon lit 7-11 parking lot you finally turned to look at her. her expression while still sad had lightened a little and you noticed now under the intense lighting how pretty her freckles were. 

“do you want a slurpee?” 

—

you and ellie sat on the hood of your car quietly sipping your slurpees, yours a mixture of cherry and coke, her’s blue raspberry. the parking lot where you sat was vacant, the only other car there was likely the worker of the 7-11 behind you. 

“so…” you began to speak, putting an end to the comfortable silence. “prom was pretty great huh” you joked. she shook her head and smiled lightly, turning to look at you the first time that night. she noticed quickly that you were very beautiful, a fact that hadn’t crossed her mind in the midst of her heartache. she wondered suddenly why you had left the prom as early as her, another thought that hadn’t crossed her mind. 

“so um, dina, was she your date?” you asked, trying to keep your voice as nonchalant as possible, already knowing the weight behind your words. you noticed her body stiffen and soon regretted bringing it up. 

“sort of yeah,” she replied, her voice harsh. an awkward silence rested between you two until she began to speak again. “what about you, no date?”

“I wish, I had a date, jamie dawson. I thought we were just going as friends until he tried to grope me during the cha cha slide,” you cringed, taking another slip of your slurpee.

“gross. he’s a dick.” she replied. he was a dick, ellie had thought so ever since she caught him looking at dina’s ass while she cheered at last year’s fall pep rally. she wanted so badly in that moment to yell at him, inform him she was taken. but of course she couldn’t.

a similar situation is what led to her current shitty mood. she showed up to dina’s that night, crumpled corsage in hand as she nervously knocked on her door. she was greeted by dina’s dad. mr. woodward had always scared ellie since the first time she had met him in eighth grade. he made his disdain for ellie clear to his daughter, as he disapproved dina having such a close relationship with a girl like her, a girl who skateboarded around town in her dirty converse and boyish clothes. he hated how close they were and even though they had always done their best to hide the real nature of their relationship, he always suspected something was going on between them. when mr. woodward saw her at the door standing in her thrifted suit, his face crumpled in contempt, the first hindering in ellie’s confidence that night. 

she brushed past that as she made her way into the woodward’s foyer where dina and her friends resided. ellie knew most of the girls due to cheer performances and all the time’s dina had dragged her along to events like this, but she was never really close with any of them. along with dina’s friends stood their dates, most of them douchey football players who were among the bunch of boys who found pleasure in shouting homophobic insults at her in the school halls. the one nice one among them she recognized was jesse. ellie knew him from her astronomy class and had always liked partnering up with him for group projects, his sense of humor was similar to hers and they always found themselves being scolded by the teacher for laughing during lectures. 

she creeped inside awkwardly waving as the crowd eyed her entrance. dina wasn’t in the room and she quickly began to panic until jesse snapped her out of it by dapping her up. 

“ELLIE!!!” he shouted as he wrapped her in a bro hug. she found herself being thankful to whichever cheer girl brought him as her date. 

soon after dina descended from the stairs, scanning the room to see if ellie arrived yet. when her eyes landed on the auburn haired girl she broke out into one of her signature bright smiles. when she reached ellie she quickly wrapped ellie in a hug, making sure not to let the gesture linger considering her parents were in the corner setting up their fancy digital camera. “took you long enough,” she teased

“sorry I forgot your corsage and had to go ba-” 

“I’m just teasing you, I don't care,” she replied gently, reaching down to grab the plastic corsage container. ellie blushed, noticing since she’d arrived all of dina’s friends sporting much fancier corsages. “I love it!” dina beamed. opening the box for ellie to put it on her. dina’s parents eyed them from the side of the room, suspicious of the intimate gesture. The only reason they allowed dina to go as ellie’s “date” was because dina told them no one had asked her. that was a blatant lie, there was a day the week before prom where three boys had asked her in one lunch period. 

the group lined up for group pictures and ellie stood nervously, trying to look as platonic as possible posing next to her girlfriend of almost two years. soon when people began branching off to do couples pics, dina’s parents beckoned her over. ellie stood in her original position but could clearly hear the whole conversation. 

“we noticed that nice boy jesse is going stag, why don’t you two pose for some pictures together?” dina’s mom prodded, stroking dina’s hair. ellie tensed. 

“mom n-” 

“come on sweetie, when you're older don’t you want to show your kids pictures of your date from your senior prom? not pictures of you and your friend,” her voice hardening on the word friend. dina began protesting more but suddenly mrs. woodward was calling jesse over to them. ellie watched in the corner as the woodward’s began posing the two of them together. dina sported a tense smile while jesse, confused by the situation but happy he got to be in that close of a vicinity to a hot girl smiled brightly. 

after the pictures the group made their way into the big limo dina’s parents had rented. dina linked arms with ellie and quickly noticed her tense nature. “hey, i'm sorry about that,” she whispered softly. 

“s’ okay” ellie replied, forcing a small smile. she knew dina wasn’t at fault for her parents' insane actions, but that didn’t stop her from hurting whenever they pulled stuff like that. 

the rest of the night continued on regularly. ellie still felt awkward amongst dina’s friends but tried her best to put on a front for her. as she and her friends danced energetically to early 2000s hits, ellie stayed to the side, letting her girlfriend enjoy the night without having to subject her to her awkward dancing. she figured she would pop in during the slow songs, the light swaying they required being the only move she could handle. that’s why when the ridiculously corny ed sheeran song that for some reason dina loved came on, ellie began making her way to the dance floor. she stopped suddenly at the edge of the floor when she saw dina smiling as she swayed with jesse. ellie’s heart dropped when she saw their joyful expressions, jesse spinning dina at a completely different tempo than what the song called for, both of them laughing hysterically

in retrospect ellie should have known this supposed act of intimacy she had walked in on was just jesse dicking around and trying to ruin the slow song for the rest of the couples on the dance floor, but seeing her laughing and holding onto his hands made ellie want to hurl. so much so, she quickly exited the gym. trudging alone in the dark scraping her doc martens on the rundown cobblestone street until you came along, offering her a ride.

you watched as ellie finished her slurpee, her face bitter as she recalled the night's events. you didn’t press her on it any further, knowing by her expression whatever had happened was bad. 

“where do you live? I’ll give you a ride. I have to kill time before I get home anyway,” you said as you slid off your car's hood and began unlocking it.

“thanks,” she replied, mimicking your actions. after she got in the car she began thinking back to your last sentence. “why can’t you go home?”

“don’t want my mom asking annoying questions. you know, worrying about me and shit,” 

“I get that,” she thought of what joel would say when she returned home, all bleary eyed and disheveled looking. she realized she should probably wait to go home until she knew he was asleep. “actually, um if you don’t have anywhere to be… could we just drive around for a bit?” 

you smiled softly and placed your hand on the ignition, “sure.”

—

authors note: sorry not much happens in this chapter I promise it will get good in the next one I just wanted to introduce the story a little and try to explain ellie and dina’s relationship before I got into writing more about the reader and ellie🫶

#ellie williams #ellie william angst #ellie williams au #tlou #tlou2 #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams fanfic #august #august by taylor swift #folklore love triangle #modern!ellie williams #modern au #cowboyellies

[detentiontrack]

hey ik you don't really know me so sorry if this is weird, but i am also someone who was a lesbian for a long time and then came out as a trans man and was very conflicted about sexuality labels for a while and since you are going through something similar i wanted to offer advice (i apologize if that's rude or annoying, feel free to delete this ask).

i identify as a straight man now but switching from lesbian to straight man was a really big change and that scared me, so i did identify as lesbian and a trans man for a little bit. if you want to keep identifying as a lesbian for now because it feels most accurate and most comfortable, you are absolutely allowed to do that. if later on it feels like straight trans man is a better label, you're allowed to change it, and that's okay. if you keep using the lesbian label forever, that's also okay. if neither label really feels right so you want to use something more vague like just "queer" or "attracted only to women," that's okay too, you don't owe anyone a specific label.

rediscovering your sexuality after you find out you're trans can be a really difficult and scary process so i wish you the best <3

This actually made me feel so much better. I was worried that continuing to identify as a lesbian as a trans man was harmful to either community and that’s the last thing I would ever want to do, even accidentally. I am so attached to the lesbian label because it honestly saved my life and made me feel so comfortable in the community, and I’m always seeing bs from t*rfs about how it harms the lesbian community (which idgaf about a t*rfs opinion but I internalized that kind of thing yk). I think for now I’m going to identify as queer/unlabeled at least until I figure some things out and realize what makes me feel the most comfortable and confident in my identity. Thank you for taking the time to write such a kind and informative message, I really appreciate it. I’m still shocked about how supportive and caring everyone has been since I came out. 🤟💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

#asks #gay-otlc

[ferretwhomst]

gravity falls queer headcanons, just for funsies <3

i'm gonna put these under a readmore actually because Wow There Is A Lot More Shit Than I Expected. gaze upon my based ass gender and sexuality takes at yer own risk /j

Dipper i think the general consensus in the gf fandom is that he's transmasc. and as a trans guy i LOVE this hc!!!! but i Also love to see dipper portrayed as other trans identities. like... tgirl dipper is also a favorite of mine, she holds a very special place in my heart. nby or genderfluid dipper even!!! i could go on, but bottom line is he is whatever i want him to be at any given time <3 as for his sexuality? probably some flavor of acespec but he's personally unlabeled, previously questioning but i figure he eventually decided it's not worth his time trying to find a label that fits. he definitely likes people of all genders though

Mabel mabel is ABSOLUTELY the sorta person to aggressively hoard gender labels and pronouns like a crow collecting shiny things. crunch has ALL the gender and ALL the pronoun. in fact, sometimes it makes him kinda sad when someone who knows bee goes by all pronouns exclusively uses "she" for fluff (not that this happens often!!! a quick glare from the grunks and the offender is put in their place lol). she lovessss femininity and actively embraces it all the time but it's not ONLY a girl- xey id as an autigender xenocollector girlboy and also as pan and nebularomantic!!!! boom probably knits their flags into all cake's sweaters too >:D

Ford previously identified as a binary trans man, but after spending three decades in another dimension and interacting with different species with other perceptions of gender, they now id as transmasc nonbinary. he doesn't mind he/him or they/them but he also likes neopronouns! (better believe ford has neos in languages you've never even heard of!!!) especially space-themed or science-themed ones. him and mabel definitely get along over using neos btw. also rift is demiromantic, demisexual and gay :) he was overjoyed when they found out about the ace/aro spectrum- because for a long time they felt like the fact that they only seldom felt attraction meant something was wrong with sol.

Stan trans nonbinary man who isn't picky with labels. while him and ford are both transmasc and nonbinary, he has a VERY different experience with it than his brother- he's very much a man, except she also likes to be a woman sometimes just for fun. stan probably spent a lot of time in his youth trying to be hypermasculine so he could pass better and fit in but now he Doesn't Care and just has fun confusing people by being a grumpy old guy who's also a lady sometimes. prefers he/him but genuinely doesn't care if people use other pronouns for her. also my man is bisexual as FUCK, mostly equal attraction to all genders but plays up his love for women a lot becausee... growing up during the 60s will do that to you i think.

BONUS ROUNDDDDDDDDDDD

Soos unlabeled sexuality, genderfluid and/or nonbinary with left bro in the words of one wise anon on tumblr dot com. uses he/him but other pronouns are fine too

Wendy abrosexual transmasc tomboy with no desire to medically transition. likes to present as masculine but only sometimes. gets along with stan over gender fuckery! uses she/he

Pacifica transfem lesbian, mainly uses she/they until mabel introduces her to jewel neopronouns and ruby immediately steals them

Fiddleford greyromantic, bi and polyamorous binary trans man! like wendy, he's never cared much for the idea of medically transitioning. uses he/it but doesn't mind other pronouns

Bill aromantic, asexual and agender babey. uses any/all pronouns, though people usually default to he/him, which she doesn't really mind either!

#probably gonna use these from now on whenever i post abt these guys #ferret rambles #gravity falls #gf #gravity falls headcanons #gf headcanons #dipper pines #gf dipper #mabel pines #gf mabel #ford pines #stanford pines #grunkle ford #gf ford #stan pines #stanley pines #grunkle stan #gf stan #soos ramirez #gf soos #wendy corduroy #gf wendy #pacifica northwest #gf pacifica #fiddleford mcgucket #old man mcgucket #bill cipher #gf bill cipher #wow that is a lot of tags

[peachjagiya]

bisexual lesbians don’t exist and it’s so invalidating saying you’re that. you’re bisexual not a lesbian

Sigh. You know, I am rarely bothered by other peoples stupid comments but this actually did bother me a bit.

Invalidating whom? If you're bisexual and feel invalidated, I'm sad for that but it's not going to change my journey. I'm on the older side but I'll be figuring my sexuality out until I'm on my death bed, I think. If you find someone else's experience invalidating, I would suggest you examine your own prejudice and binary thinking about sexuality.

I'm bi-attracted, lesbi-romantic. I could never see myself with a man but I do find men attractive. It's complicated and bisexual lesbian is a silly label that helps me work through the complications of sexuality.

What you don't know is how long I've been working through it. We're talking twenty years since I came out. I've used lesbian and people side eyed me for finding celebrity men attractive. I've switched to bisexual and had people say "but you've never been with a man, you've been married to a woman for 15 years."

Don't talk to me about invalidation when it has been my life. Until this ask, I was perfectly happy with using bisexual lesbian for myself. That's why it bothered me so much. You just invalidated twenty years of work to understand myself.

But you're the kind of person who dedicates time out of your day to write this sort of thing so I doubt any of this has changed your opinion.

Anon, I really hope you can learn to be happy in yourself and your sexuality without feeling the need to bring others down about theirs.

Have the day you deserve 💜

#my asks #f*ck this i hated every second of it

[foggyfanfic]

Queer Madrigals

I'm about to post a couple future!fic for Encanto, so I figured I'd take a minute to talk about my headcanons when it comes to their genders/sexualities.

The Obvious: I've posted somewhat in depth about what I think Bruno and Isabela's individual deals are, so I'm not going to really talk about it here, but yeah. Using the labels I am familiar with, I assume Bruno is demi, bi, and nonbinary, and that Isabela is a lesbian who ends up marrying a trans woman.

The Married: I mean, we can sit here all day and speculate, but the only real headcanons I got are that Juli is demi and Pepa has made out with more women than Bruno.

Mirabel: I've mentioned this, but I didn't really talk about it. Due to heteronormativity I suspect it wouldn't occur to Mirabel to question her sexuality until later in life when the Pride movement starts up. I think she's bi, possibly also demi, but most definitely not very focused on her love life (another reason why she doesn't think too hard about her sexuality). She's got shit to do and if somebody wants to date her they better speak up about it because she's got too many projects going on right now to bother with mind games. Mirabel ends up with a man mostly by coincidence, I saw somebody do the numbers and its just statistically more likely that a bi person will end up with somebody of the opposite sex (the math didn't factor for gender). I try to keep all of my headcanons grounded to peoples lived experiences, and this felt historically accurate.

Luisa: I think that if Luisa were a tumblrina she would end up being CIS+, but would have to go through the journey of exploring her gender due to societal biases. In the context of 1950's Colombia, she spends her youth hearing abuelas and tias talking about how she needs to be more feminine if she wants a husband, and struggles with that for a while. Luisa sings "I glow because I know what my worth is" and that's the sort of thing somebody says when they're on the other side of some serious self doubt, so I do think she had to deal with a bit of misogyny and body image issues. The thing is, Luisa likes the way she looks, and she's proud of what a hard worker she is, but she also wears ribbons in her hair and skirts instead of pants to work in. Furthermore, I suspect every bi person in the village, male or female, has a huge fucking crush on her because if she was a modern tumblrina people would be responding to pictures of her with that "not to be a lesbian but oh my god" stuff. I headcanon her as being technically cishet, but culturally gay due to people being people about the whole Woman with Biceps thing, if that makes sense. Once she starts allowing herself some free time, she dates every bi man in the village.

Dolores: Morosexual. No offense Mariano.

Camilo: You know how gender is a product of your culture and different societies throughout history have had different ideas of how many genders there are and what it means to be a man or woman? I think being able to turn into a woman at will would have an effect on Camilo's relationship with his gender. Like, I don't know if he would be full nonbinary, because I have never met a shapeshifter and asked them how they feel about gender, but I can't imagine he sees gender as a rigid binary. Like I said, I try to stay grounded in my headcanons, and I have zero idea what the lived experience of a shapeshifter is, soooooo...?

Antonio: I have spent a long time weighing the options here, his association with animals makes me think he would be the least traditional Madrigal, so I would like to think he'd end up in the least conventional relationship. I posted a list of headcanons where I floated the idea of him being poly, but I like the idea of him being aroace better. I stand by the rest of it, though. He marries a lesbian, let's her girlfriend move in with them, and he's just kinda there. Like, the women consider themselves married to each other and he's just some guy who talks to birds. They're his best friends and thinks he's pretty great but the only time he has sex is when him and the wives want kids, and other than that he's just vibing. I arrived at this headcanon because I love the idea of him being sorta a reverse Bruno. Like, people think he has two wives so everybody assumes he's this total lady killer, they sing songs about how charming he is, rumors abound that he can make a girl swoon with a single smile, then you talk to him and he's just some guy. Occasionally, a woman will throw herself at him and he's like "No thanks" then starts having a conversation with her cat. Do you see my vision? Anyone? I don't care if nobody else thinks it's funny, because I'm giggling at my computer.

#encanto #queer Madrigals #mirabel madrigal #camilo madrigal #luisa madrigal #antonio madrigal #foggy headcanons #encanto headcanons

[dracononite]

What's your journey with queerness been like?

Been sitting on this question for a bit cause there's a lot to the answer. In short, being queer and trans has probably been the biggest joy of my life, and has been very freeing and allowed me to embrace my identity and love myself and others in a colorful, authentic and fulfilling way.

but here's a longer answer about the journey:

I didn't start figuring out my gender and orientation until I was going on 17, since I was raised in the south with very little sex education or inclusion outside of "wear condoms". I wasn't exposed to the idea of LGBTQ+ identities outside of gay or lesbian until (drumroll....) Tumblr! once I came across the term "nonbinary" that's when it all kinda clicked, at least for my gender. I played around with labels, tried on neutrois for a bit, but pretty quickly came to be totally comfortable with just- nonbinary. I'm just me! (I used the term "transmasc" along with nonbinary for a long while, but within the past year have accepted that I'm generally GNC and enjoy both masculine and feminine presentation in addition to androgynous, so have dropped the "masc" label.)

sexual & romantic orientation has been another journey entirely. I've questioned my orientation repeatedly ever since I found myself, as an at-the-time girl, in an online relationship with also an at-the-time girl. like I knew it was inherently LGBT but it didn't feel like I was lesbian, and this was before I learned any other terms or figured out I was nonbinary, so in my head I was like "??? this is fine, right?" (it was, even if we didn't work out in the end,) and I'd had a boyfriend in high school too, so I didn't think I was homosexual.

once I started learning more about LGBTQ+ labels, I think the first thing I thought I was, was asexual. which, is fine, I was an anxious, dysphoric teen and didn't have any real experience. I eventually moved on to demi/pan, which I stuck with for a while, cause I'd finally become more confident in myself as a person and my relations with others (thanks, college!).

and sometime last year I think, I dropped demi/pan and have just gone with "queer" and, more recently, "sapphic." My relationship with gender and romance is pretty ambiguous but I'm so happy to say that I'm totally comfortable with who I am and the relationship I'm in, and enjoy and celebrate being LGBTQ+! I've never thought that I would find a forever-label for my orientation, and I accept that it will continue to change and evolve with me throughout my life cause well, I'm still questioning pieces of it right now.

I like to be my absolute authentic self with my friends, family and loved ones, and I'm lucky to have a supportive family in my mom and brother - even if my environment growing up wasn't always safe and there were people who doubted or belittled me. I never felt like I had to hide anything from my mom and brother, which probably helped a lot in allowing myself to figure out my identity and beliefs at a pretty young age all things considered. I've never been one to repress who I am, and I never will be.

I've never really felt that announcing any changes in my labels to my online audience is important for me specifically, but I like it to be known that I'm queer and trans. cause if sharing my journey or perspective online helps anyone else figure things out or feel accepted, included, and proud to be LGBTQ+, then I'm happy to do so on occasion.

Thanks for the question!

#mail #max talks #lgbtq+ #queer #nonbinary #trans #sapphic #if anyone has more specific questions about this topic or my identity - feel free to ask! #being met with confusion or disgust about being LGBTQ+ in my formative years probably just made me commit harder #I've been known to be fueled by spite and the will to prove people wrong #side note: #I also discovered otherkinity at the same time as LGBTQ+ identities #which absolutely played a big part in figuring out who I am as a whole #if anyone's curious about that. i could maybe talk about it. but I'm not used to being totally open with being alterhuman

[animnightmare]

This account is a safe space for people that are "too queer" (or not queer enough!!)

(reblogs welcome!)

theres been somthing going on in the lgbtqia+ comunity for a very long time, that only gets more and more apparent to me every year.

Its supposed to be a safe space for people who have different, odd, or queer relationships with their identity. We should not be pushing people out for being exactly those things!

From aro/ace people to xenogenders to straight presenting bi people, the list goes on. These issues are only scratching the surface!! What about people who use masculine pronouns but identify as lesbian? those people are outright attacked for it! Nonbianary people are included in lesbian identities, but apparently not if it isnt the most basic genderless form of Nonbianary. Thats TOO queer. that isnt fair to me. if you are gender queer and love women, you should be able to communicate that your attraction to women is queer in relation to your gender. Same with mlm relationships. Thats what it means to be gay, or to be lesbian. That youre attracted to a single type of gender expression in a queer way. Butches are accepted up until they add he as one of their pronouns. Femme twinks are accepted untill they add she as one of their pronouns. (it isnt nearly as huge a problem in mlm spaces ive noticed, actually.)

And then theres people being pushed out of lgbtqia+ spaces for the oppsite reasons. They arent gay enough, they dont fit into that idea of queer people have.

PEOPLE WHO ARE UNLABLED ARE LGBTQ+

People who are aro ace spec are lgbtq+

ANYBODY who is not either cisgender or straight identifying is part of the lgbtqia+ cominity and i welcome those identities with open arms.

Questioning? Lgbtqia. Figure out youre cis and str8? Cool! no longer a member of the community, but that doesnt invalidate your experience! you WERE a part of it!

Stright amabs who use he/they? queer! if they identify with the demiboy label or not, they are part of the comunity none the less! same with str8 afab she/they s! there is no minimum level to how queer you have to be to be a part of the community. there is no limit to how queer you can be in the comunity either.

We need to stop in fighting. Work to understand, work to learn. I dont want to feel like theres bigots within the lgbtqia+ space.

thats not even mentioning lgb without the t, but that's a topic for another day.

#rambles #important #queer #pride #pride month #lgbtqiia+ #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqi community #lgbtq issues

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

can i be a lesbian who uses he/him pronouns? my reasoning for this is:

i am afab, i like girls, and i do not want to medically transition. i cannot even wear a binder and stuff as I’d like to for a good many years until i’m out of my parents house. i don’t use labels for my gender but if i did have to label my gender identity it would be something like genderfluid and agender. i dont feel like i have a gender but i fluctuate between feeling like i want to present masculine and use he/him, like i wanna present adroynous and use they/them, like i wanna present as feminine and use she/her. but i feel masc presenting and comfy w/ he/him most of the time. however, i’m only out to like two people, and both of them, while queer or a good ally, still see me as a girl bc i go the same girls school as them, cant present as masc, etc. and it’s obviously the same everywhere else - society, friends, family, treat me like a girl, even if i’m not one. i grew up as girl, i feel like - i only started feeling like i wanted to use he/him and present as masc in my late teens. and i like girls! i love girls. and my love for girls and for women is so shaped my the fact that i spent most of my life as a girl (feeling like one, that is), so shaped my the fact that society and friends and family perceive me as a girl even tho i’m not. that’s why calling myself straight would feel…. wrong, at least to me, you know? bc. yeah. i do wanna present as masc and use he/him pronouns most of the time. but i’m never really gonna be seen as a boy by most people. i wasn’t a boy for most of my life. and my love for girls and women is shaped so much by those two things that i feel comfortable with the term lesbian, while simultaneously wanting to be addressed by he/him pronouns. so, like….. it feels so awful, i feel like such a terrible person. bc i’be spent so long fighting myself out and now that i finally feel like i’m comfy with my identity i don’t actually feel comfortable at all, i feel like i’m hurting women, or i’m stupid. i just saw a post the other day that said smth like ‘while every1 can identify as they wish it bothers me that he/him ppl use the term lesbian, as women need a term solely for women who like women’ which, like. i feel terrible about. women have been through so much already for all of history, there’s a reason l comes before g in the acronym, and i don’t wanna stomp on them and all the progress they’ve made, i don’t want to be a bad person…. But at the same time, oh god, after years of trying to figure myself out, i finally feel like i have. and i’m happy with that fact, really happy. but i’m also so angry at myself bc i don’t wanna harm the community by using a label that maybe doesn’t belong to me…? is it ok for me to use the term lesbian and he/him pronouns, or should i just… not? idkkk😭

Of course you can man fuck yeah!!!!!! You can do whatever you want forever of course you can be a he/him lesbian!!!!!!

You’re not a terrible person, you’re not stupid, and you’re not hurting anyone. A lot of lesbians have complex relationships with gender and aren’t just Cis Women. You can be a masc lesbian, be agender and genderfluid, and use he/him!! The Queer Police aren’t gonna break your door down homie do what feels comfortable with your identity!!

There’s a long history of he/him lesbians and you’re not hurting anyone. If you wanna use he/him, use he/him.

The foundation of the queer community is to allow people to express themselves, be happy and comfortable in who they are. You’re not harming anyone in the least—you are what this community is all about. Be who you are, and if who you are is a lesbian who wants to use he/him, go ahead!!!!

Sending love, and I hope I could help you out <3

#ask #anon #helping out a questioning person

[totally-sapphic-posts]

Hi, so I’ve been in a long term relationship with a man for 3 years, prior to him I was fully convinced I was a lesbian, I didn’t have any attraction towards a man until him, but now I’m starting to question if this whole time I’ve actually love loved him, or if I’ve just loved him as a friend. I’m super super confused, I don’t feel romantic attraction to him, I just want to cuddle, watch movies, just spend time together etc but im starting to think in its in a platonic way. Help :(

Before I answer, let me just say, story of my life! 😭 I’ve been through this exact experience multiple times.

Maybe start by examining what your love languages are and what levels there are for you. Like, do you want to cuddle with all your friends, it is just close friends, or is that specific for a significant other.

Maybe build a tier for yourself to help figure it out. Write out (or just visualize mentally) the tiers with friend, close friend, best friend, partner. With each of the tiers, write down what you are comfortable doing/want to do in these relationships (e.g., hugging, hand holding, cuddling, kissing, etc.).

I do think it’s worth mentioning that love won’t always be there, and attraction wanes and then returns. Throughout a relationship your attraction to someone will fluctuate. That’s why choosing to love someone is so important, because there will be times (especially in long term relationships) where you’re just friends. Of course, there are times where you can just feel that that attraction you had won’t return and breaking up will be the best option for you.

The ‘low’ periods in relationships aren’t talked about that much, so I just thought it would be good to mention.

And just for the sake of covering all bases, you don’t have to even choose a specific sexuality label. Like people say, sexuality is so fluid and can fluctuate. Personally, I can go 3 years without finding a single man attractive, then randomly have a crush on one after the 3 year break 😂 it’s why I don’t use very rigid labels and prefer just ‘sapphic’ because being attracted to women is my only constant 😂

Feel free to send in another ask or dm me if you need any other help or just want to talk. :)

I hope you figure it out, Anon ♡ wishing you the best.

#ask

[aroaceconfessions]

I love being aro!! Genuinely!!! This label has given me so much freedom in a life it's hard for me to feel I have control over. I don't think I would feel as at peace with myself if I didn't know what aromanticism is. It's the most solid part of my identity- it's the foundation of who I am, the only piece I'm most sure of fits!

All throughout my life I've struggled with finding my place among my peers. Everyone else seemed to have their identities figured out before I did. And yeah, I wasn't always secure with this part of who I am. I used to feel alone when my friends would find partners, feel crushes, have experiences I never felt I could relate to. It made me feel alienated. It made me feel wrong. My first label was asexual. I denied my aromanticism at first because. Well. In a heavily conservative environment, that was the one I would run into issues with.

I found arospec labels like cupioromantic, aroflux, greyromantic, etc. Bisexual, pansexual, asexual. At the time my friend identified as asexual. They no longer do but they were the one to introduce me to the label. It gave middle school me a lot of comfort finally having a name for my experience! Even if I dropped the label later it was nice knowing there were folks like me.

It took me until quarantine to realize I was aromantic. I'd been going between lesbian and bisexual and trying to relate so hard to these communities. I tried dating but it didn't last long- I loved the commitment idea but being romantic? It started disgusting me. I would think about marrying my friend at times in a completely platonic manner but if I were to talk about it- surely it would not be taken that way!

Then I learned about other relationship types: soft romo, queerplatonic, polyamorous, polyaffectionate, etc. And it finally clicked. I'm not straight, nor am I asexual, lesbian, bisexual, or any of that.

I'm aromantic. I'm proud of it. I don't care if I'm "shoving it down" your throat! I don't care if you think it's irrelevant! I'm aromantic, dammit! I never gave a fuck and I never will!!!!

I'm manifesting the same positive, prideful vibes I feel to all the aros who were once in my place of feeling sorrow from being aro. You're valid! You're valued! You are always welcome! Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise!! We adore you!!!! I adore you!!!!!!

#aro #aromantic #aspec #arospec #pride

[freckliedan]

just u mentioned it in one of ur recent ask replies, whats a fagdyke /genq and how is it different to . a dyke (i am also a dyke LMAO)

quite earnestly i have no way of answering this for everyone who IDs as a fagdyke but i can answer for myself! for me (& many others, to my knowledge) it's a gender thing. the very short version is that my gender is both fag and dyke, the way some people's gender is dyke.

i first started both ID'ing as a nonbinary lesbian whose gender was just dyke & using they/them pronouns in 2018 (the same year i made this blog). for me the main part of my identity at that time was the lesbianism? being othered from womanhood was a result of my sexuality.

because like. a lot of cishet womanhood is shaped by being attracted to men and performing gender in a way that's attractive to men. i embodied neither of those things, which automatically disqualified me from many people's definition of womanhood. so i was nonbinary not because i identified away from my assigned gender but because the consensus definition no longer included me.

i embraced dyke as gender, it's something i did very intentionally, but being nonbinary was still a secondary part of my identity. it wasn't until 2019 that i more fully interrogated my gender and started viewing transness as a more central part of my identity?

i started doing that interrogation when i started questioning whether lesbian was the best fit for me. my then-recently-nonbinary-partner was just beginning to explore gender more and i knew that if they someday realized they were a man & felt misgendered by me being a lesbian that lesbian would stop being the right fit for me.

which. that came fully from me? i worry about phrasing this in a way that'd somehow paint my husband in a negative light but it genuinely was just a point at which i started thinking directly about my gender rather than bypassing it by focusing on my sexuality. (and yes, they're my husband now, he's since figured out they're a nonbinary trans guy).

i stopped being nonbinary as an afterthought of lesbianism and started just being nonbinary which was! quite honestly a lot to process because i'd been ignoring it for a long time. but it's been half a decade and i've done my processing?

i realized that what's true for me is that my gender is both fluid and not singular. i label myself as queer and genderqueer when talking to cishet people, maybe as genderfluid/bigender/multigender if getting into the specifics. but that's not how i label myself to me or to my community? (well. queer is).

what i've realized is that like. my attraction is always queer. in a relationship with a woman or dyke aligned nonbinary person, my gender would be more dyke than anything else. in my relationship with my husband my gender is more fag, & the same would be true in a relationship with anyone whose gender is more aligned with man/fag.

(i say more in both of those examples because like. my gender still fluctuates for other reasons. i have days where i feel very little internal sense of gender. i have days where i experience both fag as a gender and dyke as a gender at the same time. the list goes on).

my gender is contextual in a lot of ways—the way i experience gender is different in the more rural red state used to live in vs the big city in a blue state i now call home. but the context of relationships is one of the biggest ones, because it's one of the biggest impacts on how other people percieve me.

like, to strangers and aquaintences i am my husband's husband or spouse, because it's most important to me to be understood as queer. but in much more personal circles i also sometimes call myself his wife, because that's sometimes a more accurate reflection of my gender and the people who i'm comfortable calling myself that around already are familiar with how i experience gender & with the fact that our relationship is queer.

i know that a lot of people likely view fag and dyke as two mutually exclusive identities, as an extension of the binary of man and woman. but even when i was just IDing as a nonbinary dyke i had more in common with nonbinary fags than with cis women. and the fact that i am a dyke has not gone away now that i've also realized i am a fag.

in full i'd describe myself as a fairy fagdyke femme. fag goes first because it's how i more often present myself to the world.

i know i'm not the only person with seemingly contradictory identities like this, but it's not something i talk the most about? a LOT of the queer community constantly regurgitates subtly bioessentialist & transphobic ideas that make it like.. uncomfortable (at best) to be present in both lesbian and gay men's spaces as a bigender/multigender person.

so i primarily connect with other trans people, especially genderfreaks like me.

ummm my last note here is. for many other fagdykes or dykefags their definition of the label and personal experience is completely different from mine! it can be the same thing as being a dyke. some dykes are transmasc but still have dyke as their main gender and identity. i'm barely scratching the surface on this.

#i'm a fag and a dyke at the same time! that's all. #jam replies #anon #gender studies #gender

[stele3]

So. I might not have considered. The strength of gendered feeling. That must go into transitioning. Until you said it.

Okay then.

(I haven't finished working through 'I think I might be ace' yet. Which is kinda like mourning a loss, you know? Not because there is anything wrong or lesser about being ace, of course, but because the label i had before was also a part of who i was, and realising it was probably wrong is like losing part of myself and doing that again is... not appealing)

Anyway, that's the first time I've said that 'out loud' as it were, and typing it made me cry, so I think I might be on to something...

Sorry for dumping that in your inbox, random Internet stranger. I think it just needed to come out. So thanks, but also feel free to ignore!

If I could, I'd want to make sure that you're drinking water (crying can cause dehydration!) and being gentle with yourself today.

I, too, am asexual. I don't know how often the two go hand-in-hand, but I'd be interested to see the statistics about it. It took a looooong time for me to figure out the asexual thing, but once I did, I realized that I'd always been asexual? So for me it wasn't a loss, it was a relief. I'd been trying to fit myself into different labels for so long and it wasn't really working.

It might be that your previous label is a comfort to you. In which case, why not keep it? I've seen people refer to themselves as ace lesbians or ace gays. Or you can go with the split-model labels, like biromantic asexual (my wife).

Labels can hurt us because we're trying to fit into them or they can help us feel less alone. There's no right or wrong way to do this, and anyone trying to police what other people call themselves are just that, police. (ACAB!)

For me, I was definitely born a girl, and then I became a woman, and then it was kind of like...my subscription ran out. No big body dysphoria, no sense that I was in the 'wrong' body, just -- a lack of strong feelings on the subject. Which can mean you're non-binary! Or not. Me, I've gone on testosterone just to check it out and I am loving the bigger muscles. I've always wanted to be buffer than I am, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a dude?

I wish you all the luck with your journey. And again, drink water!

#non-binary #genderqueer

[yandere-daydreams]

did u take a long time to realize ur a lesbian?

im still trying to figure out if its just certain men or dont vibe with or if its ALL of them

i don't really know i can answer that, just because,,, i don't think i've always been a lesbian, honestly? like, i knew i was pretty queer early on, but i identified as aro/ace until i was,,, 17/18ish when i decided that women were really great actually and enbies are okay i guess and changed my labels to match. i think it's something a lot more fluid than people give it credit for, and it can be really, really hard to differentiate from what you were taught to feel, how you used to feel, and how you actually, currently feel. just try to think about what makes you happy, and if you can imagine yourself being romantically happy with a person of a certain sex/gender. fictional characters don't count, either. it took me, like, five years to realize that and it's a fate i wish upon none of you.

#personal #anon ask

[littlehideawaysblog]

With creating this new blog about my progress in my faith and spirituality I figured an overview was in order.

Early Life:

I was raised in a protestant Christian household where my mom was protestant and my dad was catholic. My siblings and I were raised protestant. This was my only form of identity for many years leading to an existential crisis and breakdown when my newly developing sense of self collided with my preexisting persona.

The sign of the end:

In 4th grade I realized I was a boy and no one else could see me that way. Everyone else would only see a little girl. I did not have the language to describe the feeling so it stayed hidden until 6th grade when the terms gay, lesbian, and trans, finally made it into my perception. With the advent of new words and identities I labeled myself for the first time, transgender. However within the week I had lost so many of my ‘friends’. Being raised in a fundamentalist church means all of your friends are also your faith. So when I figured myself out they turned on me believing I was choosing to sin just to spite God. In that time I had lost the support of friends, family, and my church. This led to a mental health collapse and several inpatient stays.

While in ward during one such stay I met a girl who was a hellenistic polytheist. I had some passing interest in the hellenistic pantheon and so we became friends. I began to research the greek and norse pantheons however due to restrictive homelife and a volatile environment I was not open about practicing or researching.

“Theistic Satanism”:

At some point in the 8th or 9th grade I stumbled upon a website that had been recommended through a tumblr page at that time. The website was, Joys of Satan. I need to take the time here to state. I was unaware of their shitty behavior and racism back then. I would not recommend going to their page for information as much of it is tainted by their background in racism.

I took a quick interest into what I would call Theistic Satanism. I devoted quite a lot of time towards reading any texts I could get a hold of. I would not say I’ve been practicing all these years, instead I’d say I’ve been learning all these years.

Around a year into that interest I hit my first major roadblock. My mother found my journal that had slowly become more of a book of shadows for me. She felt it was her job to keep me from ‘sinning’ in her house and threw everything that could even be remotely related out. No more scented or unscented candles, no incense, no personal journal. She combed through my sketchbooks and school notebooks removing anything she though was ‘devil worship’ For a few months this went so far as to ban both the Harry Potter books and the Percy Jackson books. I'd continue to read and learn in secret, this time extra careful to not be caught.

My first patron:

Late 9th grade I began going out with an older guy. My first real relationship. I honestly thought I loved him, and maybe I did but in the end he wasn’t healthy for me. I will not go into details of what all occurred however long story very short, I needed out he wouldn’t let me leave. I didn’t feel strong enough to leave, because if I did, who would love me?

During this time I would have vivid disturbing nightmares about him and things he had done. In several of these nightmares they’d be interrupted by a masculine force, though I was not able to place who or what it was. On occasion that feeling would return to me in the waking world as well. I decided to slowly brute force figuring out who or what the feeling was. So name by name I went. Starting with the Greeks, then Romans, then Norse. Eventually making it to the Goetics and finally to Glasya-Labolas to which I felt incredibly strong towards.

I do not know for certain why or how that had ended up but I became very grateful to him for his presence. One evening I finally had enough. We had been working on self sufficiency and getting past the need to be loved, and useful. That my worth was not tied to how useful I was to someone else. I believe he helped me realize I was allowed to say no and leave instead of saying no but staying because I didn’t want to make him mad.

Soon after leaving that situation I stopped feeling the presence altogether, I grew up and moved on.

Throughout high school I continued to try to find reading materials on demons however due to a hawkeyed mom I had to be very careful. I decided senior year that when I moved to college I wouldn’t need to hide my study so much and I’d finally be free to really learn. I was both right and wrong. University libraries gave me access to book loan systems that could get me new books on the topic but my dorm mate would intentionally play loud christian music when I would meditate. Win and lose some I guess.

By the end of that first year of college I had learned of a new name to call the faith I had been working through, Demonolatry. Under the new name I had so many more books to read and authors to look up. Though I began to feel dejected, I was angry with the early highschool version of myself for not maintaining the work I had been doing with Glasya-Labolas. I decided to reach out again, to no response. For a few months I gave up. Summer was back, It meant I was back in my parent’s house and their watchful eyes.

Returning to school I decided to try again. My new roommate was fine with the idea of paganism but was afraid of demonolatry. Which I believe is fair considering her catholic upbringing.

At some point in this time I began to reach out more broadly to anyone who was willing to work with me in order to help guide my studies. For a while I felt nothing, in fact for a whole year. By junior year of college I finally felt it, well smelled it. A sudden intense cinnamon scent. This meant absolutely nothing to me. Once Again as my high schooler self did before, brute force.

This eventually led me to King Paimon and a lot of things started to make sense. I am still working with King Paimon as of this time however I have reached out to others as in my personal beliefs working with a demon does not need to always be this major lifetime commitment of monogamy.

I’m happy to answer questions about my personal experience but because I am still figuring out my own beliefs I will warn you to take answers about faiths with a grain of salt.

I've been learning about forms of demonolatry for about 8 years though I’ve only really been practicing for about 1.5 years.

Your faith and practice are going to be different from other peoples. I think that is the most important thing to learn, no one needs to understand your faith but you and the beings you work with.

#demonolatry #paganism #pagan #theistic luciferianism #luciferianism #luciferianist #glasyalabolas #king paimon #demonology #theistic satanism #satanism

[beanieman]

YTTD Gender/Pronoun's And Sexuality Headcanon’s

Sara Chidouin - Sara is genderqueer and bisexual . 

Joe Tazuna - Joe uses he/they and is pansexual...but didn’t realize he was LGBT until Sara told him. They were talking about crushes one day and Joe was like “There’s this cute boy in my class!” and Sara isn’t judging but she also didn’t know he wasn’t straight so she asks “A guy? Are you attracted to both genders?” Joe is confused by her confusion and is like “Yeah!…Isn’t everyone either attracted to both genders or gay?” Sara had to have a long talk with him. 

Gin Ibushi - Gin doesn’t really think about his gender and sexuality at this point in his life. But eventually he figures out that he’s genderfluid after hanging around Reko/Alice/Sara for a bit and talking to them about gender. 

Keiji Shinogi - Keiji uses he/him pronoun’s and is a semi canon bisexual character! He has a lean towards men. 

Alice Yabusame - Alice is a trans man who uses he/him pronoun’s and is  demisexual and pansexual.

Reko Yabusame - Reko is a lesbian that uses any and all pronoun’s. 

Nao Egokoro - Nao is pansexual and uses she/her pronoun’s, but isn’t upset if she’s referred to as they/them or he/him. 

Kazumi Mishima - Mishima is trans and uses he/they pronouns. He is attracted to men, but chooses not to label his sexuality as to not be put in a box. 

Q-taro Burgerberg - Q-Taro is gay...but he hasn’t figured that out about himself. He’s so devoted to his career and helping the kids at the orphanage that he’s never really had time to explore his romantic options. But if he did he’d realize that he could only imagine himself being friends with women. He also uses he/him pronoun’s. 

Kai Satou - I’m continuing to spread my nonbinary Kai agenda! Also they’re attracted to men. 

Kanna Kizuchi - Kanna uses they/she and has just realized she’s a lesbian. 

Shin Tsukimi - Shin is an asexual gay man who uses he/they pronoun’s. I refuses to believe that I’m wrong about this one. /J

Dolls

Ranmaru Kageyama - Ranmaru is trans and uses they/he pronouns. He’s wearing bandages because they were walking home from top surgery. He’s also the token straight character. 

Naomichi Kurumada - Naomichi is trans and gay. He uses he/him pronouns. 

Anzu Kinashi - Anzu doesn’t know what pronoun’s are and is a lesbian. (Jokes aside she uses she/her.) 

Mai Tsurugi - Mai is a trans lesbian that uses she/her pronouns. Good for her! 

Shunsuke Hayasaka - Shunsuke uses he/him pronoun’s and is aroace. 

Hinako Mishuku - Hinako is a lesbian demigirl. 

#YTTD #Your Turn To Die #Ranmaru Kageyama #naomichi kurumada #anzu kinashi #mai tsurugi #shunsuke hayasaka #hinako mishuku #sara chidouin #Joe Tazuna #Gin Ibushi #keiji shinogi #alice yabusame #Reko Yabusame #Nao Egokoro #Kazumi Mishima #Q-Taro Burgerberg #Kai Satou #kanna kizuchi #Shin Tsukimi

[cocolacola]

Omg i love Heinkel she is just a mentally ill gay like me

I would love to see some Heinkel headcanons from you

sure thing!!

most of these are based upon things we can sorta just infer about the series since hirano loooves to leave things open-ended, so some of these are moreof theories/explanations than anything if that's alright.

i put some big organized lists of hcs below the cut :)

to start i'll talk about some general fun stuff! (assuming that's what you're here for):

i always use they/them for pronouns for heinkel. mostly because there's a lot of alternation between he and she in different translations and that doesnt sound very cis to me honestly. but i rock with people who use any pronouns too.

i also see lots of ppl say theyre a lesbian and i feel like that miiight just be a byproduct of The Abridged Effect but i dont really have a label on them. they have their freak shit going on with makube so whatever that is

not a natural blonde and is very diligent about taking care of their hair. only lets their roots grow back in once they start getting older and stop giving af

gets a prosthetic arm and leg after the london attack. we know injuries inflicted before becoming a regenerator still stick around (because of anderson's scar) so walter inflicted permanent damage there.

didnt really listen to mainstream music until they started hearing it from other people like seras and makube. heard classic rock after twenty plus years of exclusively angelic choir music & opera and their brain almost exploded

their dynamics with other characters:

was raised with yumie/yumiko at the orphanage so they have a sibling bond, but they drifted a bit in their teen years/early 20s until enrico made them partners in section 13 again. it was awkward for both of them for a bit but they eventually came into their own as iscariot's dynamic duo of murderers. theyre generally pretty serious with each other but sometimes the cain instinct still kicks in

they view enrico as their boss but still fondly remembers their times together as a kid. mostly just thinks he's pathetic, but in a loving way.

anderson is a very clear father figure to them, and as iscariot's next regenerator after his death they feel like they have impossible shoes to fill; theyre very hard on themselves for that reason. the way he died definitely contributed to heinkel's self destructive habits

they had met integra through enrico before the events of hellsing and just... hated her to death. but in a funny almost homoerotic tension way. if seras was there she would have lost her mind over it and would have been overprotective to some degree

now here's some details on the time skip in general:

heinkel was rushed to the vatican (or maybe some other section 13 base) very soon after the battle of london, not a moment too late. if they were taken anywhere else they would have died of blood loss, but was given the choice to become a regenerator human like anderson for a chance to save their life. heinkel accepts because they believe walter is still out there and wants a chance at revenge. it worked and hence heinkel is now seemingly immortal/doesnt age.

side tangent is that i think becoming a Regenerator ends the aging process at whatever time you take it which explains why anderson's age is unknown and why heinkel looks the same in their supposed 40s/50s

after finding out walter had died and their battle was meaningless they were in a dark place for a long time. they were having trouble properly taking care of themselves after becoming a regenerator (i can imagine it's probably pretty weird!!). while still being a part of iscariot they were sorta benched by enrico's regent (before makube) from entering any of the organization's affairs for the next few decades. they were sort of left to rot in a way, which certainly didnt help with the grief. they considered reaching out to the hellsing organization but couldnt bring themselves to. they still somehow managed to become acquaintances with seras after the battle since they shared the same struggle and losses, but that's about it.

side tangent 2: i think seras and heinkel would genuinely become close after integra's death, but that's very far in the future

enter makube about 15-20 years into the timeskip. makube arrives in section 13 as a bishop and a new caretaker to heinkel, and is hellbent on helping them out, since theyre being "neglected" by the current archbishop, and makube regards heinkel as very important for being one of the few remaining veterans of the war in london. them forming a genuine bond would come afterwards, but that's how it started. overenthusiastic makube and tired heinkel shenanigans ensue and somehow they become tied at the hip. makube would become the archbishop quite a few years after this, and heinkel by extension sorta just becomes their de facto mission buddy.

that's all my heinkel thoughts for now! thanks to everyone who showed interest :)

#I ❤️ HELLSING LORE YIPPEE!!!! #ill do a post for yumie yumiko and makube some other time #all i have for makube rn is that i also use they/them for them and theyre in their 40s #as of the time skip scene at least #hellsing #heinkel wolfe