#I want someone to take me to the beach :(

[sciderman]

You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.

But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?

because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)

#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting. #Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project. #peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance. #me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away. #take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me. #sci speaks #I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually. #all my relationships have been. pretty short. #and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t. #a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak. #but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing. #because I really don’t know. #I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days. #I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely. #I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time. #and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it. #it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything. #I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless. #but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no

[venusdebotticelli]

Okay so, I think it's very likely that after Stede and Ed have had their first reunion they're gonna be separated again soon after. Probably because Ed's gonna be like "I'm totally over you actually and don't wanna see your stupid face ever again" and run away from Stede just because of how absolutely tooooootally over him he is, right? So Stede will probably be aboard the Revenge while Ed is elsewhere having his Live Laugh Love spiritual journey of Finding Himself and all that.

Now imagine Stede all bummed out because he's just having the full realisation of exactly how much he hurt Ed, and there's no hope, he absolutely blew it, Ed obviously wants nothing to do with him ever again! Despair! So he goes to mope to the Captain's quarters, wallows in the tragic state of them a bit while missing Ed terribly, and his eyes catch on a funky little skeleton dressed up all in black on a familiar spot on a particular shelf...

And he finds not only all of his auxiliary clothes intact, but also a nest in the middle of the room with two little figurines in it that have a very particular look to them!

Cue "Hello, Edward!" and "shipmates" and chasing Ed all over the place while Ed is like "who are you again?" and "I don't need you at all, look how I'm thriving all by myself and I definitely don't miss you, not even a little bit!", y'know, like a liar. And maybe they're having messy sex throughout all of this or maybe they're not, but either way, Stede knows! He knows! He saw the proof of Ed's heart carefully hidden away where only Stede could find it! He can fix this! He's gonna put his all into earning that trust back! Because he knows there's hope! ;U;

And yeah, this is more of a headcanon than actual speculation, but it's eating me alive, so I had to inflict it on you all as wel! 🔥🙌🔥

#ofmd s2 #Gentlebeard #blackbonnet #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 speculation #Our Flag Means Death #Krakhouse #Born On A Beach #Thrilled To Be Granted Entry #fanfiction #kind of #Coolification writes #I'd write a ficlet of this if I had the spoons for it but sadly I currently do not 🥲 #so if someone wants to take the idea for your own ficlet and tag me on it so I can read it I would love you forever!!! ;U; #i made a couple of edits to the post just to emphasise even further that I'm being entirely facetious about Ed actually meaning it :p #This is entirely in the spirit of they're both fully downbad for each other and not fooling anyone #my autism just kicked in while I was looking at it again and I realised I may have made the tone a bit too ambiguous 😅 #it's the comedy of it-- not an angst-fest #Bridebeard

[expatesque]

I'm redoing my garden and it's still in progress but it's looking so cute. In related news: I'm pretty sure I'm staying in London.

#had a revelation in Chicago that though I love it there I would miss hiw culturally vibrant London is #drank a glass of champagne on miami beach and it kinda settled that maybe I could do this #came home and am feeling really powerful and fuck you about him? #i rewired a chandelier in Florida and maybe that was it #feeling like im getting my mojo back #i was going to say slowly but surely but actually it's been all at once and in a rush #anyway the garden is going to be cute. very Hamptons. #also someone wanted to charge me £140 to get rid of my old garden furniture so I've started taking it apart and putting it into bags #i feel very competent and powerful #s narrates her life

[medusa-was-innocent]

Euripides, Anne Carson / Atypical (season 3 episode 10) / I Will - Mitski / Take Care - Beach House

#I’m back in my web weaving era babeyyy!!!!! #i have a bunch of old drafts and I figured I should post some of them because I like them :) #sometimes all ​i want is just for someone to want to take care of me #i don’t need them to but I want them to want to #anyway #words #web weaving #love #devotion #wlw #mitski #beach house #tenderness #atypical #i can’t remember exactly what it’s from but this reminds me of this post or something (?) where this person was talking about their friend #or their boyfriend or someone and basically what it said was every time they would apologize for being a burden or about how it was hard #work being with them #and they would always say ITS NOT WORK IF I LOVE YOU #and I’ve never forgotten that even though it was several years ago that I saw it and I wish I could remember the exact words or find it agai #but I have no idea where it’s from I think it was a tumblr post but I’m not positive #anyway if anyone knows the post I’m talking about please let me know I’d love to see it again it really stuck with me #it’s rotten work #not to me not if it's you #anne carson #parallels #compilations #music #netflix #it’s not work if I love you #mine

[pebblezone]

this Tylenol ain’t shit w

#talkingcore #emotions. man. #there’s so much music that I just haven’t listened to in a bit and it’s making me feel things it’s not even like sad things I’m like damn #how long has it been since I’ve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery #but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I don’t feel like I physically can but something needs to be released #so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate #fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of don’t talk (put your head on my shoulders) #I’m pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh I’m never crazy about them since like they really never measure up #how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that. #the covers are a lot better when they don’t try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they aren’t him #brain wants to go melancholy mode but I’ve no clue over what. girl just tell me what I’m supposed to be sad over I’ll commit to the bit #need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe that’s it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk #also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me #and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were #referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and they’d be like oh this is so ‘insert name’! #and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck #what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am I’m like fuck it I need to research this person #I search. find her. she’s butch. I’m blessed. they weren’t lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay! #butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks #I’m gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains #need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you don’t get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv #AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfg💥💥💥💥this must be super long god damn sorry

[katierosefun]

god i love taylor jenkin reid’s books in that so many of her protags are all so. fuckign unhinged and focused on doing what they want to do, watching how all their dreams slowly but steadily blossom and watching them be absolutely insane in how they get to that point is so. god i love u complicated women i love u flawed women i love u women who are a touch selfish and a lot insecure but trying their goddamn best to live the life they want

#caroline talks #listening to malibu rising right now and like. #june riva is a very very different character than daisy jones + evelyn hugo #but there is that same fierceness and 'gotta buckle down and do the thing for my family' that makes me want to cry #and nina. nina riva makes me scream bc i feel like i can't get quite as much a good read on her character #BUT. like. i got to That Part in the book and nina's just like 'okay time to take all my siblings out to the beach' #and i cry. like. that whole 'i can only depend on myself right now' and like. yes nina is this surfer model #and i'm dying to know how she got to that point but right now it's just like. #good reliable kind selfless nina riva who screams into the ocean when none of her siblings can see #nina riva who drives her siblings everywhere even though she's terrified of driving but SOMEONE needs to do it #nina and jay and hudson and kit are. such an interesting group of siblings to me #and i cry a little more because like. yeah.

[lupismaris]

Spending as much time as possible this weekend with my uncle's friend Stephen like I will get an older gay mentor/friend out of this so help me god

#he's a well off new england widower and if he wasn't talking about dating someone this would be a very different post #but hes so lovely and we get along really well and hes making such an effort to connect with the bf and I #he took us for donuts this morning since we mentioned it was our fav shop and he wanted to try it and he and i had a smoke break #i mentioned were gonna be at the beach today and hes coming to join us after they get back from mass at grams house #which id like us all to take a moment and revel in the fact my uncle the priest didnt give two shits about me not joining them for mass #i said I'd rather be at the beach and he said sure absolutely heres all the supplies and the best parking spots have fun love you #the growth of that alone!!! lmao #anyway everyone cross your fingers stephen and i keep forming a friendship and i can go stay at his place in Guilford

[tedthetalk]

I’m in a talkative mood apparently so can I just say GOD i hate how makeup and social media both seem to discourage moving your face at all. There’s so many people — not just women! Men too! — on my instagram who do their little fashion thing with the most plastic Barbie doll faces, staying totally still if not shifting to another boring classically attractive pose. It’s just…ugly, and even if it weren’t I want to shake them by the shoulders and ask them if that really how they want to live, a living embodiment of the 🥺 emoji.

#I saw one girl a few days ago with the tiniest waist and thinnest thighs and perfect trendy make up #and so desperately wanted to take her to the beach to get a sun burn or to somewhere with lots of fatty carbs… #I know someone’s online presence isn’t their real life but that shit takes effort man. commitment and a specific mindset. #it just makes me sad #constellations

[khlur]

getting thru everyday and being able to socially interact w people well enough to look like i'm choosing all the right dialogue options rly lulls me into believing i'm doing just fine and dandy n nothing is wrong

#like ya i'm forcing myself to eat 3 meals a day #and move around a bit #but honestly that's my fucking limit each day #feel like a beached whale #and my body is so??? out of fuel that i cannot even muster up the energy to cry #i force myself to to go class bcs i'll spiral if i don't #and i am so. FATIGUED. out of it. tired. drained. #i want someone to take care of me bro my nerves are gonna get so frayed by the time this degree is done putting me thru the wringer

[deathsdaisy]

Can I have a girlfriend pls?

#ill take you to the beach like twice a month #my family is cool with the gay so we dont have to hide #im hella cuddly #i cook everyday #legit i make my own tomato sauce every Saturday and mayo every other Sunday #i sew i can make all the clothing you want #me #i just wanna love someone and be loved #you know

[ourbastardofsorrows]

i feel like i did my first year of teaching--full of love & light and so excited to make learning a collaborative act between me and my students

#tia text #honestly? i think not teaching summer school is to credit for that #i was burnt out by november last year #but taking the summer off gave me time to recharge & research how i wanted things to be #next summer i don't plan to teach. i'll have spent two summers doing teacherly things (teaching or taking teacher classes) #next summer's gonna be All Mine. maybe i'll even Go Somewhere #i'd like to go to the beach & stand in the ocean again #but this time without having to be physically stopped from walking into the waves never to return #anyway i love my kids & they seem to like me & i'm going to do my damn best to make this year awesome #i've noticed that even when i'm redirecting a kid there's like. an audible warmth to my voice #i do feel like by the end of the year we'll all get a little sick of the phrase ''let's talk about that'' in response to a question #like when a kid's like ''what if someone does xyz?'' and i'm like ''ooh good question. let's talk about it! what do you think should happen?

[queerdesire]

Taylor's new album is 👌👌 the 3am edition is 🥵

#mine #taylor swift #midnight album #never take advice from someone who is falling apart #put on your records and regret me #but its been 2190 days of our love blackout #trick me once trick me twice dont you know that cash aint the only price #familiarity breeds contempt #when my depression works the graveyard shift #i just wanna stay in that lavender haze #and its like snow on the beach weird but it was beautiful #you know how scared i am of elevators never trust it if it rises fast it cant last #all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing #the lips i used to call home so scarlet it was maroon #uh huh sweet dream was over my hand was the one you reached for all throughout the great war #and if you never saved me from boredom i couldve gone on aa i was but lord you made me feel important #stumble down pretend alleyways cheap wine make believe its champagne i was taken by the view #everything you lose is a step you take #and whats that that i heard that youre still with her that's nice I'm sure thats whats suitable and right #and i swear im only cryptic and machiavellian cause i care #cause its all over now all out to sea #it came like a postcard picture perfect #she has the envelope where do you think she got it from?

[andragoras-in-vanity]

how am i so in love with only an idea i have in my head, and nothing to even base it on?

#i actually had to correct myself like ah no thats not the trope hes no that arrogant #as though there even is a he to begin with??? #he definitely has a swagger but hes more stonefaced and calm than that #anyway when the vampire brothers all sexy in their own ways gonna come take me away to marry one of them? when they gonna fight over me? #when theres only one clear answer and its the one who knows he has to be involved but really has absolutely no desire to force his will #especially when he doesnt yet love me or rather he doesn know i yet love him? struggling more and more to keep from turning me #when the taller and arrogant one would do it the second i imply im ready just because he wants the glory of saying he did it #and then also maybe gets punched by my much hotter and built like a brick shithouse future bf 🥰 #these arent even real people im dropping into my story and yet this ideal has lived inside myime for so long #i cant imagine not being with someone like that #i already know that if i do have a person then im right that he has eyes the colour of beach glass

[lunarsapphism]

.

#i am actually so unbelievably livid right now #like i do not know what to do with the anger that is being held in my body at the moment #ive just tested positive for covid after being sick for a few days #i just tested negative on saturday before i went to a concert and before i saw my partner #so i thought i was fine #but no! actually if i have plans or want to take a fucking break literally ever someone gets sick (me this time) and the plans are ruined #i am legitimately struggling so badly with my mental health right now this might genuinely be a breaking point for me #i am fully at risk #yknow? #anyway #i feel fucking awful because i saw everyone and was doing normal stuff and i just have an immense amount of guilt about it #like #several people have said its fine but i dont believe them at all #ive asked my partner twice if theyre upset with me and theyve said no but i dont think thats the case #i dont know #i was supposed to go on a trip with them this weekend and weve had it planned for a month #and now im sick and we wont be able to go unless shes sick too or i test negative before saturday #and i have a fucking final on thursday and im feeling like im going to fucking **** ****** #maybe im blowing it out of proportion! i dont know #but seriously this just happened like last month as well with another family member #we were all supposed to go on a trip to the beach and my brother got sick so only three of the seven of us went and it was kinda miserable #i swear to god i cant have anything good #i cant handle anything anymore #i dont want to live in this house and i dont want to speak with my family and i dont want to do school or work or anything else ever #the burden of being alive is immeasurable and i cant keep living with the responsibilities that come with it

[inkskinned]

no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

#spilled ink #writeblr #this is a real story lol #looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt #compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY #edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family

[poguniversity]

I just wanna go home man

#i feel ungrateful cuz my bf's parents are being very gracious towards me in their lovely beach house #but god i just want to go home so bad. please god help me #2 more full days....i don't know if i can take it #if someone so much looks at me i will not be responsible for my actions #ripping tearing scratching biting maiming hissing etc #pog text