#I want to hurt him emotionally too

[arthursfuckinghat]

"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."

"It ain't that complicated!"

How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.

#he makes me feel so emo #this life was never meant for you but your fate was forced #the way dutch (and hosea) talks to arthur like he's stupid will never sit right with me #like they've been by his side over 20 years they KNOW he isn't stupid because if he was he would have been gone a long time ago #not only is arthur incredibly emotionally smart but he's a trained conman vault breaker gunslinger horse rider you name it #the fact that his own adoptive parents break him down like that hurts #it's a manipulation tactic on dutch's end - break your victims self esteem to make them chase your praise and approval #hosea I believe has just gone along with that kind of attitude but in a different way he just likes to jest lightheartedly #arthur doesn't see the difference though and it's understandable but he takes it to heart #the worst part is that hosea sees through his tough guy act and has called arthur out on it #his act is a defence mechanism to protect himself from being too vulnerable - in arthur's mind #and it isn't a sudden thing it's very likely something that has built over the years given the life he has lived #and hosea notices he knows this #but they still jab at arthur #oh it hurts #is he your son dutch? or is he your guard dog? your personal workhorse? #playing through the second time is opening my eyes more and more #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #mick rants #mick gifs #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #liveblogging #you guys gotta understand - arthur seeks and longs for dutch's approval he'll never say it but it's the key motive behind his loyalty #and arthur *rejects* dutch's comfort #he doesn't *want* dutch to pat him on the shoulder because he knows dutch is digging them an even deeper hole #he doesn't want that touch he craves #it's so insanely monumental for such a small scene because it shows us how arthur feels without telling us

[oceanwithouthermoon]

unpopular opinion for this area of tumblr, beware+also abuse talk warning

admittedly, all the super casual bashing of saikis dad makes me really uncomfortable, like i dont totally disagree but i wish we didnt just all do it in the middle of other completely innocent headcanoning 😭 its never tagged or warned..

my personal opinions on kuniharu are not as extreme as some are on here, like i think he sucks but i dont think hes a genuinely bad person, he was just thrown into a situation he didnt know how to handle.. he reminds me of those parents who prepare to have a baby and get pregnant on purpose, but then the baby has a disability and suddenly, everything changes.. because they didnt prepare for this unlikely scenario, but it happened anyway, and now they have to figure out where to go from here.. kurumi and kuniharu BOTH made mistakes and didnt handle their genius/psychic kids in ways they shouldve, but its because they werent prepared for it

#i think im mostly just trying to point out how people pretend kuniharu is the devil and kurumi is a saint #but did kurumi ever defend her kid? no.. she treated him in a similar way.. #shes a great mom imo but she really isnt much better than him and if youre gonna bash him you kinda have to bash her too #and do you think she ever told kusuke off when she emotionally abused her other son and called him a monster? no #she didnt #and eventually kusuke turned to physical abuse #because she never tried to tell him it was wrong #and yk what #i dont really think kusuke is a bad person either #i think he learned all of his crappy coping mechanisms from their parents #but he took it way further #nobody else hurt kusuo like kusuke did #physical abuse is never excusable but both kuniharu and kusuke think kusuo is above that kind of thing #they think he's invincible so it doesnt matter #which obviously isnt true but thats kinda also what he WANTS them to think.. so.. #so all three of them kind of suck but its because their situation sucks #lmk if u disagree cuz i think we should hear each other out #saiki k #tdlosk #kusuo saiki #the disastrous life of saiki k. #kuniharu saiki #kurumi saiki #kusuke saiki #meows post

[puzzledemigod]

So let me get this right

Edgeworth had a quarter of life crisis, went to Europe to find himself, realised Phoenix gave his life meaning, and came back ready to confess.

Meanwhile Phoenix, who used to openly admire, be worried about and even give excuses to Edgeworth even when he was kinda mean, was so personally offended by how much it hurt him to think he was dead that when he came back Phoenix completely shut down every good emotion he felt towards him and started acting like a petty teenager with a grudge.

And now Edgeworth is the one reaching out and questioning his morality and acting hurt when Phoenix is mean to him. Interesting.

#and by interesting i mean i am going insane #worthwright #narumitsu #i'm still testing out what names feel less weird to use btw miles is weird and wright too but idk if using a first and a surname is as well #also. i was so pleasantly surprised by how emotionally mature phoenix was in the first game #and in this one he just startes accusing edgeworth of being evil all the time like?? he was way less understanding before #theonly explanation is that he mourned edgeworth like a lot and to protect himself from feeling all that he pretended he didn't #care actually because edgeworth was all those things people said he was (heartless and forged evidence anddid anything to win a trial) even #if he has actually helped Phoenix to get to the truth a lot of times before despite going against his own professional interests #he's treating him as if he's manfred von karma and not the one who phoenix himself protected against the guy #a bit disappointing tbh so i have to read it like that and not that he actually forgot all that; he only started believing in those things #he told himself to hurt less and now he's too tangled up to listen to what edgeworth is saying and doing #besides that: i'm SO GLAD he got an actually guilty client at last!! that's part of being a defense lawyer and now he can feel #that conflict edgeworth feels everytime he has to balamce doing his job with getting to the truth. also i want to see an edgeworth W #my babygirl needs it #“ace attorney”

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[pericky; a look into ricky's head during their meeting.]

---

"I'm glad you came, I wasn't sure you would." The wine pours, the sound of it drowning out the missing word in that sentence: back.

Of course, is the response, and the part of Ricky that's spent twenty years tearing itself apart to understand why vibrates with relief. It doesn't matter anymore. Of course, of course, he thinks giddily along with the words. He never needed to wonder why Pericles wasn't coming back in the first place; he was always going to.

I'm happy you invited me, and of course he thinks again. A lifetime of pretending he wasn't always going to either falls away. However harsh and lonely the world has been, all's right with it again; and the shy voice of the boy inside him that he's tried so hard to kill says, so quietly, I missed you.

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #pericky #ricky owens #professor pericles #anyway fucking end me actually. lay me down to die #i said i was gonna write more pericky and by fucking god i did #the 'why did you do this to me' to 'oh thank god you didn't actually do this to me' pipeline of abuse folks 🥲 #which like. their last conversation is yet another devastating example of ricky finally standing up to pericles' bullshit Too Late #ricky denounces him in the strongest terms he knows; based on his own feelings and opinions and the way he sees the world #(which: even then he can't bring himself to say 'i don't love you anymore') #(the closest he can get is 'i chose you and i can't take it back; the only way i can imagine not loving you is if i never had at all') #and pericles tries to go 'nyeh nyeh whatever i don't care' (and does a real bad job of pretending he is not obviously hurt lmao) #and ricky doesn't try to understand his logic; he doesn't try to reconcile a world where pericles didn't *really* mean to do anything wrong #his response is MAYBE YOU *SHOULD* CARE. #pericles' view of the world and what's right and acceptable are warped and *wrong* and he's the one who needs to get his shit together #'you shouldn't have abused me you shouldn't have killed cassidy you shouldn't have murdered a child in cold blood' #that is MASSIVE and i think it is really telling that pericles' response is to shut him down with force instead of trying to argue any more #and that in the end is the real true fucking tragedy of it all #ricky is making huge strides one after the other to take back his freedom from pericles emotionally #....and materially it makes no difference to improve his situation in the moment; because pericles doesn't have any less power to abuse him #he never has a triumphant moment where he Overcomes His Abuser and Breaks Out of His Control #there's nothing he can do to fight back until pericles is too Literally Dead to control him anymore #it is one of the rawest depictions of the reality of abuse i've ever seen and just. God. i love it so much #(at the same time i REALLY want to explore a version of events where he got the chance to expand further on that growth) #(the 'all witches are selfish; make all things yours; i have a duty' speech from the wee free men comes to mind) #whosebaby makes things #whosebaby writes #SDMItag #dyn: when i die i want you to die too

[needylittlegirl]

maybe im like old fashioned or something but i dont think i’ll ever be over that all of my firsts were taken from me by somebody that didnt even love me, somebody that did such horrible things to me!

#i think he really set the tone for my entire sex life #just. the first time i was ever With somebody happened because i was too scared to say no #my first kiss and my first time and my first date and just. so much of my youth #i wish i could take it all back #cause it makes me feel so Gross #it makes me feel disgusting just know how much i wasnt ready for any of it but he wanted to so i had to #and then how much he hurt me physically and emotionally?? why did i ever have to deal with all of that #what did 17 year old me do to deserve getting shoved against walls and kicked like i was nothing #i dont know #i dont know i just want to go back and stop it all #where would i be? i was such a brave girl before him i was unstoppable #tbd #sorry im actually fine my car ride has just gotten quiet so im lost in thought

[luminarai]

.

#my Mom keeps bringing up how our family dog doesn’t have a long way to go anymore #and like #where we’re gonna bury him and so in #and it just keeps wrecking me #like she wants me to be emotionally prepared but I’m not #I’ve already lost two very near family members over the past two years #and I love that stupid silly old dog #I just keep crying at random times because I can’t stop thinking and it hurts #why does grief never get any smaller #my life gets longer and my knowledge and experiences grow but the fucking grief stays static #it just appears in new forms. every time I think I’m ready to move on it takes a new form #I love that silly stupid old dog!!!! and I can’t handle losing him I can’t #I just need everyone I love to stay and not change and to stop the match of time #is that really too much to ask #sorry about this unhinged rambling I’m currently sobbing into a pillow #death mention tw #cecil blogs her life #pet death mention tw

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

#bungou stray dogs #been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me)) #cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands) #but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people #first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now #he was groomed since childhood just like dazai #but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there #and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong #but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself #which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong #and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia... #and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO #where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!! #it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay. #chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself #and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him. #didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!! #i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess #and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just #One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall #he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!! #there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma #and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc #it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!! #even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man #both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation #i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda #and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death #oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)

[godblooded]

i just gotta say peoples' obsessions with writing toxic relationships just concerns the shit outta me on this hellsite.

#ooc. your local bodega kat. #[everyone: i love complex relationships! what everyone means: couples fighting is normal! so if they're horrendous to each other #sometimes it's normal!! #couples fight like... of course. it's unhealthy NOT to fight. but there's a level where it's....uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH and some of what's said #or done that people condone on here is wild. if i had a nickel for every time i saw someone say their character was a wonderful spouse and #then display like 10 reasons why they're covertly emotionally or verbally abusive. the rpc has such a tendency to refer to dv in one #specific term when it comes to ic ships and it's always physical but everything else is 'complex' and man that's worrying. see also: why #i was taught in grad school never to teach streetcar with marlon brando because students excuse him immediately due to his looks and his #bullshit angst. it's alarming as fuck. coming from parents who were sometimes physically abusive (to me and each other) like... this also #needs to be recognized in self-critical media. there's so much shit that needs evaluating. and it's not like i've never written a toxic #ship. i wrote the fucking WORST on at one point because i was too chickenshit to get alana out of it. and it ended in her being DESTROYED. #you know. like those kind of relationships tend to end in. like. my ex-father beat the fuck out of a dude in a bar who hit on my mom and #then when he found out the guy died a day later it was military or jail and he went military. and then my mom took him BACK. this is REAL #LIFE SHIT. writing it is virtually incredibly depressing and writing it without making clear it's fucked up is worse. whether you've been #through it or not. in that case: why even. shit hurts enough when you go through it. why would you want to vicariously go through it #being a fake person if there was no way to turn the outcome through healing and positive growth. sorry for being an optimist basically.] #domestic violence mention / #domestic abuse mention / #abuse mention / #murder mention / #[i'm just thinking back on the most toxic fucking verse i ever had and how glad i am said person and i no longer speak.]

[waywardsalt]

ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great

#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshus’ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained #so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do #likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish. #like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired #hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic #hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow #he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit #he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation #and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now #he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng #and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever #like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting #hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests #and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him #hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked #because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess #his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free #he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves #idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him #like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what ‘in character’ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon #when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff #that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then #i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow #im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with #its very cute

[crunchyspicysalmon]

guys..... i want him back :(

#p #i wish we could have fucked one last time too... #he would have loved to see me again..... i fucking CANNOT #WHY did i confess i should have just asked to hang out one last time..... #like legit after my whole thing saying how he hurt me and bc i like him so much im letting him go... he told me he really enjoyed my compan #and that im a really great person... and would have LOVED TO SEE ME AGAIN #but understands the whole feelings thing is dangerous... #bc HE WANTS TO IGNORE HIS FEELINGS #why is it whenever i have a good connection it NEVER works out!!! #tbf tho i cant say never bc idk i feel like hell be back tbh... #ive just never been this into someone emotionally or physically befor

[actual-corpse]

I just realized that it's been too long since I got engulfed in soft fandom...

Might fuck around and find some Porter Gage x Male Sole Survivor soft porn shit or something Idfk

#porter gage #i havent really felt emotionally healed enough to play video games #the night that I fucked everything up with my now ex I was playing Skyrim #and I was upset that he never took me out to dinner anymore so I got upset and went for a drive #I came back and the house was full of noise that I didnt want #i wasnt asked if anyone could come over so i wasnt prepared #i got heated and acted really stupid #and then I yelled at him #and that was it #and now I really dont feel comfortable trying to play video games #especially since he threw it in my face one time bc I didnt take care of a task that he couldve done #... i havent really thought much about it since it happened #it hurts #a lot #i actually tried to hang myself the day it happened #drove out to the lake and found a secluded trail #i didnt do it right and had too many chances to change my mind #the last time I freed myself I managed to rip my helix piercing (not out... I just restarted a year of healing) #called my mom and drove home with blood pouring down my ear #until very recently I had regretted every day I lived... especially after I went off on a couple of stupid boys who wouldnt stfu in class #then had to deal with all that #so I went to the doctor and got liquid tests #on citalopram and vitamin D3 #i feel a little better now #still have to contend with hormonal shifts making me irritable #so i try to handle that to keep from fucking up again #i dont like that it still hurts #and i havent done one of the things i love (play videogames aside from Sims 4) #i just want to feel important to someone you know? #and I kind of had it for a while

[casadefreewill]

You ever just see the worst lovesquare takes and you know it’s not worth it to get involved and it’s not like it’s even salt but man we have been watching totally different shows

#sometimes I just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake like please omg have you not been paying attention at all???!?! #anyways Marinette is in no way oblivious to Adrien trying to confess to her #and Adrien did not even have the chance to reject her because she never actually ever got to a confession! #you can also see several examples throughout the show that he may actually have considered her a romantic #option if he didn’t think she was already involved with Luka #also also OMG THE LOVESQUARE HASN’T REVERSED! they’re both just pushing down their feelings for their original crushes because of trama! #not that they don’t actually love the other side of the other #they do #it’s just Marinette has given up on Adrien because she’s scared of making another mistake and Adrien has given up on Ladybug #because he’s scared of being hurt again be another rejection #Marinette has always had some feelings for Chat but was more focused on Adrien and then Chat was too dangerous an option and now suddenly #Adrien is the too dangerous option and Chat is back on the table for enthusiastic consideration #Adrien has also felt something for Marinette for a while but has continually chosen to believe and respect her words to him which have #told him that she’s not interested or is involved with someone else #he also had his fantasy with Ladybug to keep him going so he wasn’t really putting all his happiness and hopes and dreams #eggs in the Marinette basket #and then basically everyone was emotionally ripped away from him in season 4 except Marinette and oh look she’s no longer dating Luka either #I also feel it’s a really bad reading to say they are equal and opposite in their relationships with each others other half’s #they’re really not and it’s not really fair to the story to compare them that way #I feel like I’m just rehashing old arguments at this point #blehgh #ml #mon’s chatter

[overworked-bookworm]

.

let me drop some drama on y’all — in the last year + 7 days, I:

reconnected with multiple friends from high school at a wedding I legally officiated for two old friends

realized in hindsight that I had liked one of our classmates when we were in school, who had attended the wedding and was now recently divorced

started talking to him very often and, by proxy, the husband I officiated the wedding for

started an on-off flirtation with the divorced friend — [clarification: HE started it, but I was very receptive when I realized what he was doing, it just took me a while]

became the “dump my mental health problems” friend for the husband^ who I’ve said is like a baby brother to me for *checks calendar* 12+ years

was accused by my friend’s wife AND the friend that I was flirting with that I was having an affair with the husband or at least harboring romantic feelings for him

she also accused me of behaving like her abusive mother, when I told her she was out of line for even thinking I would have an affair with (1) her husband (2) who I kept saying was like a baby brother to me

held an intervention for the husband about his ragingly out of control anxiety, where he proceeded to, like, beat the windows of the car and yell and be violent [not at me but around me and I was very triggered and scared] — after which he said he couldn’t trust me anymore because I was projecting my anxiety onto him, and he was fine

fell into an episode of psychosis because I was surrounded by people who didn’t trust me for reasons they’d all made up in their heads, and were all mad at me for ❤️

[while in psychosis] dealt with the guy I was flirting with talking about wanting to sleep with his coworker, and being very on/off + hot/cold with me — which I wrote off as post-divorce emotional problems I just needed to be patient through lmao

[while in psychosis] dealt with the husband’s mental breakdown about never wanting to get married in the first place, dragging my family and the family of the guy I was flirting with into the mess — we got the husband pink slipped and I stopped talking to him and his wife

was told by the friend that had been flirting with me that he’d been leading me on, as he proceeded to ditch me for another friend that I helped him reconnect with — but promised me that we were besties and nothing would change!! (how kind. also? he broke that promise immediately and called me difficult)

dealt with his new girlfriend lying to me about them not being together, because no!! hoes before bros, Alex, I would never date someone who hurt my friend!! but also you need to be personally accountable for feeling hurt!!

there’s more in the way they’ve both treated me since he decided he was done with me, but my therapist and I are still parsing through it

turns out I probably don’t need to be taking Ativan twice a day and sleeping after work + all night bc of the high dosage, I just needed to start cutting out bad friends! my anxiety has never been more managed now that I’ve decided to listen to every other friend that’s told me these ones were all no good for me! I do need the anti-psychotics, though. I heard voices for 2 months and it was NOT a good time.

I didn’t have this much drama in my life ten years ago when we were actual children — the next time I start posting about liking a man, someone remind me that it brings me absolute misery. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t wanted to hop on his dick 🙄🙄🙄

#personal #tumblr is my petty platform and also my journal #but I’m serious about someone needing to remind me that men in a romantic context brings me nothing but trouble #the first time I’d been psychotic was a man’s fault too — I will NOT be happy if I have another episode #you might be wondering what the husband was doing about the affair accusations. the answer? needling me about my relationship to the other #we sat in the ER and I went from him saying sooooooooo you and [name]? #to then being kicked out of the room and the aide being like wow I bet you’re really glad this guy’s marriage is falling apart #also he was having an emotional affair with someone younger in his classes <3 so his wife SHOULDVE been worried #but not because of me who was CLEARLY trying to hop on this stupid emotionally unavailable dick and NOT her husbands #but now he has a girlfriend and doesn’t respond to my messages so what a giant waste of time lmao I didn’t even get to keep a friend in thi #there’s a lot of relief that we never slept together though. I don’t… think he wanted to but I sure did #if we had it would have hurt so much more when he dropped me #silver linings I guess #anyway the actual takeaway here is if you didn’t sustain interaction with them after graduation DONT reconnect #those doors closed for a reason #let them stay shut

[hydrachea]

the song Red Means i Love You by Madds Buckley could fit your Tartaglia/Zhongli liking

Anon we will have a summer wedding.

#anon #ask #answer #oh my god these lyrics are nutty #taru point of view for sure and post-osial #which would assume he's capable of harming zhongli and it wouldn't be a one-sided beating but i can fantasize #he's also fantasizing that's the song #i've seen his lines for zhongli he wants to make him feel sorry so bad and he wants to hurt him physically like he's been hurt emotionally #genshin #zhongchi #thank you so much anon i'm going to be tossing #'cause my insides are red and yours are too' #'and the red on my face is matching you' #'and goodness you're bleeding' #'what a wonderful feeling' #'you're down and you're pleading' #'my head is just reeling' #in my head all day #tartaglia's a little unhinged when it comes to zhongli #i remember the first time i listened to his line where he laughs over the traveler telling him he doesn't stand a chance #and at least in chinese his laugh is almost scary #it's such a good laugh really conveys how pissed he is. skill differences be damned he needs to fight him.

[sick-as-a-dog]

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#just the thought of him not loving me the same way and amount i love him makes me want to slice myself up #ill only stop cutting when i cant feel anything anymore not pain not love just emptiness #just want to be with master but dont want to make him stressed out because im too dependent and reliant on him #why cant i just feel my emotions the right way or a normal amount or at least less strong? why am i like this? #why cant i love like a human and why must that shit be so complicated? why am i so feralminded? #and why cant i feel my loves separately? should i even? or am i not understanding it right? why do i feel everything wrong? #why must i love him like a wild animal loves its lifelong mate? but also like how that animal loves the taste of prey and hungers for it? #like a dog loves its master and feels the unending loyalty and unconditional love overtake remaining wolflike instinct #like a best friend i also wish to do stereotypical romantic and domestic things with and so much more #i want to be bound to him in any way possible marriage and collars and microchips and blood pacts and marking and such #but im so scared he wont want that anymore i want to stop feeling i need to completely stop feeling and worrying but i cant #even when im emotionally numb i still feel that canine love for him even if just a glimmer #i wish i knew what he thinks love is and what hes comfortable with and how he felt and experienced love and if he still loves me like #he did before he came out as aro....im scared to bring up how calling himself aro and me his exception actually hurts and idk if i should #tbh him saying hes aro yet says he loves me feels like when a close friend keeps saying they dont have any friends while youre right there #like my existence makes his identity a lie or a betrayal to him i cant shake the gross feeling that hes forcing himself to stay for my sake #....hell am i even his exception anymore? what did he mean by same amount but not the same? what changed? did anything actually change? #wish i could figure out what love is and how to feel it right..esp dont understand romantic or queerplatonic or anything its all confusing #i want to take on the world with him and stop being an emotional wreck so we can fuck anyone together like we swore to #i just want to live the rest of my life by his side and i want to experience all we can together #picnics and movies and living together and sharing a nest and....idk i just want to be with him forever and hope he still feels the same #it would literally kill me if he ever left or fell out of love i think i would lose whats left of my mind and end up bleeding myself dry #i want us to be together forever and never ever stop being mates but i cant help but be terrified and confused and hurt

[itspileofgoodthings]

the thing about steve is he wanted to be her husband in SEASON ONE. he wanted other things too and maybe more because he was a teenage boy, it’s all mixed up, but that desire to stay and stay by her side and not just use her is so clear from the get-go. the context of their relationship is wrong and one that can’t sustain either of them but there is such real love and tenderness in his eyes all through that first season.

#and Nancy’s withdrawal from him in season 1 is so real because she’s so hurt! because sleeping with him DOES hurt her #but he doesn’t want to lose her and he’s hurt by her withdrawal but then knows he has to let her go in season 2 #anyway it’s like. I never stop thinking about the fact that Steve is asleep when Nancy leaves the next day #brilliantly illuminating in just that one instant why they are both too young for sex/why sex outside of its proper context only hurts #she’s so alone and cold and hurt from it all (as you would be!!!!) and he can’t be there to reassure her because he’s asleep #Which is very funny and teenage boy and not inherently a crime though emotionally it feels like one #anyway like. For them but especially him to suffer for that. For him to lose her and have to let her go and love her from a distance. #and then to (hopefully) (finally) be able to come back together when they ARE ready for a real full romantic and loving relationship #what a journey. what a story! #Flying too close to the sun here because I’m trying to avoid both fandom and spoilers but yeah. Had to write the thoughts today #Steve deserves to win the long game!!!! He has simply put in the work