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inbetweensoul · 7 years

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He coached for the right reasons, Do you?

Team Revolution,

In the afternoon of December 9, 2013, I received a call from Tina Grace. I could tell that something was wrong. She told me that Tim had handed her a letter he had written. First of all, she told me, Tim never writes letters, at least not since he was dating her.

Secondly, she just read a few things that she knew nothing about. It wasn’t bad news. It was actually refreshing and insightful, Tim had poured his heart out on paper. And wouldn’t it figure, it was about soccer. Here’s the typed version of the letter with very few edits. A copy of Tim’s handwritten letter is attached too. Thanks for reading,

Coach Tim McDonough

Dear Parents, I was writing this because I got a lot of questions about the team lately, if we’re staying together, if we’re playing here or there, do we have enough players, I had a few ask why I coached, would you do it again, would you like to take on another team, and I don’t really have an answer for all of them, but I like the way the team’s playing and would lave to see the kids stay together.

Some leave and some come so I always think there’s enough kids, and I still enjoy doing it. This year’s been different with high school and everything. It’s brought a lot of new things, different coaches, different sports, opportunities, different clubs, girls, dances, alot of fun stuff, kids working and making money, but mostly it’s brought change. I’ll always call them my kids, but they’re becoming young men with their own personality. Some stay with soccer, some don’t, Either way it’s a good thing, I guess as a coach you take things a little more personal because of years of putting so much into it, but it’s OK. It’s part of growing up.

I’ve seen the changes. Some are taller than me, hairier than me, and stinicier than me, I’m glad to be part of their lives. I feel like a friend to some of them rather than a coach. Whatever changes come, are good. It’s good to see the kids grow in everything they do or become.

I’ve been telling Tim (McDonough) I’d write a letter to everybody. But I’ve never been much at talking to the parents or holding meetings. I just never liked getting up in front of people. As for why I did, I guess I’ll share a story with you I’ve never told anybody for 16 years .. .

As everybody knows, we spent a lot of time in the hospital with my daughter, and it was the second surgery she was having and we’ d usually be there for a week or two, give or take a couple days, and a week went by and we decided we’d take turns going home and showering and trying to sleep at night, So it was Tina’s night and I was just there with my daughter, and at night in a hospital its quiet, not a lot of people in the hallways, everybody talks low, just alot of beeps from the different machines.

So, I’d walk around a little, up and down hallways, but never far or to a different floor just in case she’d open her eyes or start to wake up. And I came across this play room in the middle of all these patient rooms, and it was the middle of the night and I walked in, and the carpet was the kind with the roads and buildings and job sites on it, and toys and games everywhere, and a tanker truck. I’m the type of guy who’s gotta just spin the tires or dump the bed or just pick it up and look at it. I still am. They’ll always be fun. And I heard a voice from behind me that startled me, for 1 it was the middle of the night, second, it was a child’s voice. He said, “Can I play with you?” And I said, “Sure.” He looked to be around 8 or 9, and I was surprised to see him by himself in pajamas. Usually, they have on a gown or a mask, or an IV pole with them, so I figured he was probably someone’s brother or something.

He started getting all kinds of cars and trucks down on the carpet. Before you knew it we had a whole city going, a nice construction site.

We were just playing away and I started asking him a few questions and the answer I got he was there to get a kidney surgery that morning. Talking to him was sad because he knew more about his condition than I thought a little boy should know. He had spent a lot of time being sick, and in and out of the hospitals. He told me he was supposed to be in Disney World, Make a Wish Foundation granted his wish and he had a choice to get his surgery first or go to Disney. He said he has to take naps and rest a lot because of his condition, and he didn’t want his brothers waiting for him and stay in the room with him at Disney, so he wanted the surgery first. I thought that was the biggest decision I ever heard of.

And we were playing away and I noticed out the doorway across the hall I saw someone standing there, and I didn’t pay much attention to her. I was having fun and sometime later she walked over and said they have to go. It was around Sam and they had to start getting ready for the surgery. She told him to start cleaning up. We were putting things back, talking about what our favorite ones were, and I talked to the mom a little. It was really sad. I hugged him and rubbed his head and wished him good luck. And he said, “See you tomorrow.” By morning the hallways were busy again and I was back to my situation.

And two days later, Tina and I were in the hallway outside Cheyenne’s room and I saw this lady walking at the end of the hallway toward me. I just had a feeling she was coming to me. I looked up again, and it hit me, it was like one of those movies where the hallway gets longer and longer and real silent, and it was my friend’s mom. She walked up to me and hugged me and was crying. I hugged her harder and longer than anything. She wanted me to know he didn’t make it. She thanked me for playing with him. I hugged her so tight I still remember her heartbeat.

I didn’t know if I felt bad that he died or he didn’t go to Disney or I lost a friend, but I felt really bad. That was the first time I felt scared. I’ve done a lot of dumb crazy things, but never scared of anything ‘til then. I figured if you’re getting surgery it’s all good, but if you’re getting surgery it’s really bad. I never thought you could die. I guess I just never wanted to think that.

A few months later I lost my daughter Cheyenne Nicole, and in my own grieving I hadn’t thought about my friend in a couple of years, and when I did I realized his mom thanked me for playing with him. Really, I should have thanked him. If just for a couple hours I forgot where I was, forgot my daughter was down the hall recovering from open heart surgery, my wife was home I’m sure just laying on the bed, I know it was just hard to sleep a lot, It was great to just move an imaginary pile of dirt with Tonka trucks, chasing each other around with Hot Wheels.

I guess when I started coaching, the kids made me feel like I did that night and it was sure great, So I guess I did it for the kids and the way they make me feel. I did everything I could, I got my regional license, I would study for each practice, and it felt good to see all the kids make their high school team. But there are so many better coaches and trainers, Bobby MacAvan, Pete Eibner, they lived it, playing college and professional, They really know and understand the game the best. I was just Dad having fun and doing the best I could for the kids, and still am.

If you could do something for me tonight, before your kid falls asleep, just go look at him or her for a whole minute, and forget if they didn’t start the game or finish the game, forget they didn’t finish eating or put their socks away, or they got a D on a test. Just think they’re laying there breathing, their hearts beating a good rhythm, they ate dinner without any help, and tell them Coach Tim said thanks, and if they ask what for, just say for being there, and if they say where, just say right there.

See ya at practice,

Coach Tim (Grace)

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