#I was feeling very defeated

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

MDZS Equineswap AU part 1: Bro we are horses. It’s okay to cry around me, we are best friends. Bro we are kissing.

[girl side of the swap]

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #equineswap au #that first teen wwx is so clearly a warm up i almost want to ‘accidently’ let the pasture gates open and let him roam #I really love how YLLZ pony came out though! All of them were made with love and thats what counts #I feel very strongly about teen wangji in dressage braids #its a neat and proper look! Almost overly formal and constricted! He lets it go free as Big Horse Wangji as *Symbolism* #and yes they have cutie marks in this AU. WWX’s used to be a lotus flower #designated chilling in the lake pony #lwj brands himself later on. in memorium for when wwx got his cutie mark branded as well #HGJ pony really *should be an alicorn but I was defeated by the wings #part two (the otherside of the swap) tomorrow! #This is my 3 month anniversary and follower milestone thank you #’OP why’ its my blog and I get to make the equine AU

[thranduel]

some thoughts about astarion because i'm tired of the internet reducing him to one thing

when bg3 came out in early access, astarion was always seen as the extremely flirty, confident guy who enjoyed sex (or so we thought) and spoke about it like it was his favourite thing. he was also kinda marketed as the “sexy vampire”, so you can understand why many people saw him that way based on the little amount of content we had. even while playing act 1 and act 2, many players still might think of him like that because he does have a very charismatic personality and he asks to sleep with you very early on, so it just automatically makes you think he’s genuinely happy doing that and being totally serious.

BUT!!!!!!! we end up finding out later on that’s NOT the case and it was all part of a plan to seduce us in order for him to gain protection. he opens up about his past and his trauma and how he was forced to use his body to lure people back to cazador. he struggles with intimacy and relationships in general because of this. that’s why i really hope that people stop reducing him to “hot sexy vampire that loves flirting and having sex with everyone” when that is not who he is, he’s literally traumatised because of sex due to being forced into it and he’s slowly trying to heal. he’s also so much more than just “the hot vampire”, ya know? if you actually put in the effort to get to know him, you will see who he truly is underneath and he has many loveable traits to appreciate.

you may not see the “soft” side of him very often because he hides it, but it’s there!! one thing i noticed that really stood out to me was that when i gave food to an orphan in act 3 and he approved. back when you first met him, he probably would’ve done the opposite or had no reaction at all. i also saw a clip of someone trying to romance karlach and astarion and he literally told tav to choose karlach over him because he can see that karlach loves her. he said normally an arrangement would work for him but after everything karlach has been through, he doesn’t want to get in the way or see her hurt. letting tav go is also hard for him as well but he still thought about someone else. he could’ve whined or been possessive or jealous but he didn’t do that at all. where are all those people who reduce astarion to “the guy that flirts and sleeps with everyone” now? seriously. that’s not what he does, and when he was forced into it by cazador, he was trying to survive, he didn’t do it for his own pleasure. it’s not a “hot” personality trait of his, it’s literally trauma. and because he did it so much, he got used to it, and that resulted in him disassociating and feeling empty.

apparently if you ask him to join you and sleep with the drows at the brothel (something i will never make him do in my playthroughs), he only says yes because he struggles to say no. but he disassociates. and if you’re in a high approval relationship with him and he loves you, he will feel safe enough to express his feelings and say he’s not comfortable. this happens before you fight cazador. i’m not sure if he gives the same response after, but either way, if he joins in, he will always disassociate and it’s not something he wants to do despite what he may say.

that being said, it’s obviously still okay to appreciate his beauty and attractiveness, because he is very beautiful. he appreciates it and even likes being called beautiful. calling him “hot” and “sexy” isn’t a bad thing either, we know he can be and i'm sure he knows it too! it’s just annoying when people act like that’s ALL he is and they don’t even mention anything else about his character. the love scenes are beautifully done too (i personally prefer the second one after you’ve stopped him from doing the ritual, because that’s the one where he decided he truly wanted it and felt safe and comfortable because he genuinely loves you), and i actually would’ve been fine if they didn’t have any scenes like that at all because it’s totally understandable and valid if he didn’t feel comfortable, but i just hope that people don’t take things too far and over-sexualise him just because of how he appeared to be in the first half of the game and the way he’s often marketed on social media. and yes i know he’s fictional and nothing on the internet is going to hurt his feelings!!!! it’s more about the fact that he canonically has sexual trauma and many people still say really disturbing stuff even AFTER they find out about that, and it just makes me uncomfortable to think that people are okay with treating someone like a sexual object especially when they've said they're traumatised and it makes them uncomfortable. idk if this makes sense 😭

but yeah he doesn't want to flirt and sleep with everyone as i've seen people claim. and if in an alternate universe he did, and he did it on his OWN terms, and the other people he had relationships with enjoyed it too, then good for them! absolutely nothing wrong with that if there's consent, respect and honesty. however, that's not the case with what happened with astarion, because 1. he was forced into using his body WHEN HE DID NOT WANT TO and 2. he misled people and lured them to a miserable fate. it's so horrible and devastating for everyone involved. sex was never something fun for him, and it certainly isn't a "personality trait" of his. it was a survival tactic. he was forced to. he didn’t want to.

obviously when he becomes more comfortable, then it's totally understandable to get excited when he flirts and shows physical affection. he can be so charming, funny, sweet and romantic and i love that. it’s so beautiful to see him heal, genuinely find comfort in someone for the first time and experience intimacy that he feels ready and comfortable for. he deserves to love and be loved on his own terms instead of being forced. but again, he is so much more than the guy we were introduced to at the beginning. the internet just sees one thing and sticks with it but i really hope people start to actually appreciate him for who he is and the complexity of his character.

aaaaand i just had to leave this here <3

#astarion #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #sorry for rambling i’ve just been very emotional about him recently 😭 #also i hope people remember that even if he NEVER EVER wanted to have sex again he is 100% valid #he does not have to change or force himself to feel a certain way #especially after everything he’s been through #and if you think he does then you’re gross. he doesn’t owe anyone ANYTHING #anyways #when he kept apologising for not sleeping with tav i wanted to cry #there is literally a scene where if you tell him halsin is interested in you he says it’s ok to go to him #but then he gets concerned and asks if it’s because he hasn’t slept with you for a while #and i wanted to cry #he should NEVER have to feel guilty for that #honestly the only reason why i think he might eventually feel comfortable with sex again is because -> #in act 3 after his genuine love confession after you help him defeat cazador he initiates it himself #and it feels like it’s something he truly wants after developing a strong emotional bond with someone for the first time #and i think that’s really beautiful that he chose to do it on his own terms when he felt ready #but also #for a while i wasn’t sure if he was repulsed and uncomfortable by sex in general and hated it entirely #or if he only feels comfortable after he develops a strong emotional bond #the only reason i think the second one now is because of what happened in act 3 #but regardless whatever it is i just want him to feel safe and comfortable and happy #my posts

[quirinah]

ummmmmmm guys this dungeons looking a little dark here..........................ummmm..... hello??? guys??

#quirinahdraws #darkest dungeon #darkest dungeon 2 #IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES SO I NEED 2 POST MY EARLY APRIL DRAWINGS FROM WHEN I WAS (am) PLAYING THIS GAME TERMINALLY.... #try to guess my favorite character (very difficult impossible /j) #notable moments include reynauld and dismas kicking the bucket in my first year to which i thought after the latter. ok at least theyre #together in death or watever. anyways i got a beyond the grave a week later with both of them and i could only revive one of them and my #first thought was wow! this would make great angst fodder! i should make a comic (and then i didnt) #but dismas is dead so i can never get the achievement but he basically carried me thru vvulf bc i didnt have any legend lvl frontliners and #i didnt know u could just sacrifice a hero to retreat. or that you had to destroy the bomb barrel HAHAHAHAH but we defeated vvulf SOMEHOW #sketchdump #digital #dd plague doctor #dd jester #dd shieldbreaker #dd arbalest #dd abomination #SORRY FOR YAOIFYING BIGBY THAT BADLY IDK WHAT HAPPENED...ETTO....... #my favorite builds are damage over time <3 number one blight buddy supporter #but marked for death r also my pookies....i just find marked builds a little awkward to use imo. but bh is like my blorbo #i find it funny drawing any of the charas bc i feel like i always draw characters a little too cutesy/colorful but its shrimpresting

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts - Wonderland

#kingdom hearts #kh1 #wonderland #scenery #my gif #i like that there are so many ways to interact with the environment in this world #all of the things to discover in the bizarre room; helping the flowers in the forest; the chairs in the garden; growing big or shrinking #feels very fitting for a place like this #actually i discovered something new just by wandering around to make this gif set #and it left me stunned because i thought i saw all there was to see #it was a treasure chest that appears after defeating all of the enemies in the room you first spawn in (first gif) #but i never stuck around long enough to trigger it i guess?? always thought a room like that was a safe zone. you get a megalixir btw

[suits]

help a black woman in need

tldr; beat homelessness just in time to have my car repossessed.

hi ive been putting this off as long as i can because idk how to ask for help but i really need it rn. some of you might know, i was homeless since oct 2022. we found a place and have moved in at the start of this month (july). unfortunately this morning i was on my way out to work only to find that my car had been repossessed due to me falling behind on the payments (see: being homeless). i had to call off today but i need my car to get to work the rest of the week. im not asking for a specific amount because i need a lot and this will most likely be ongoing.but ANYTHING helps. please share even if you can't help out financially. words of encouragement/advice also appreciated. thank you 🙏🏾🫶🏾 pypl: @mkwats cshpp: $mkawatson vnmo: mk-watson

#i've literally been crying all day i have no idea how im going to make it through this #i do not like asking for help and only like 2 people knew about my previous situation but this is just so #all encompassing i feel completely defeated i really dont know what to do #sorry ill probably be annoying rb this #please do not be rude this is incredibly vulnerable i genuinely dont know how to even #put into words how defeated i feel #maybe its my own fault for waiting so long to ask for help #maybe if i asked sooner i would not be where i am right now but i genuinely hate feeling like a burden #im very much suffer in silence type but this is so much more than i can handle alone

[silverskye13]

Every once in a while I like to relisten to Diabolical to remind myself that RnS's source material is the silliest thing on earth.

#spazzcat barks #apparently im feeling talkative today hello #how many weird statements can i put on my blog after so much only screaming in tags #anyway Diabolical continues to give me much #much joy and happiness #glee -- whimsey even #Helsknight straight up calls himself a knight diabolical -- you adorable edgelord you #also Welsknight's final line: #you embody all my evil and i am not afraid / ill defeat my inner demon for this is my crusade #[chefs kiss] #we stan a hero who is fighting for Right and Good who also just happens to be the antagonist of the story we're writing #and by we i mean me i stan i stan it very much #once could correctly argue thats the plot of half the stuff i write

[adwox]

the two most decorated soldiers of the offputting wars

#mega man zero #copymega #cxpy #mmz omega #omega #megaman #mmz #i go to neo arcadia to defeat the threats effecting my found family. i see very confusing and unsightly pda from these two. i leave #in the first image cxpy is complaining about how he feels no one trusts him to handle situations / sees how responsibile he is #and he is just GOING OFFFF WITHOUT EVEN MEANING TO #i think cxpy is a generally dissatisfied reploid cause i mean how could he not be. but complaining feels wrong to him #but (do not @ me abt this being ooc cause i do not care.) omega just has this energy to him that makes cxpy rant and be very open #its like. he can only be honest with himself around omega. everything else about cxpy is solely built on lies. quite literally #omega isnt really even listening either tbh but it doesnt Matter. hes just there cause it feels funsies to hold cxpy in his big strong arms #like a giant stress ball #theyre so cruel and unusual theyre so perfect. to me in my mind. #anyway No im not even halfway done mmz3 ill get there when i get there. #>mine_>art

[potatochip-oc-dump]

new character......... her name is jack

#oc #jack attack #i have no idea if thats gonna b a permanent last name for her but i kind of like it actually #its stupif. its goofy. its PERFECT #to give further information abt this character: she was raised and indoctrinated into some kind of.m. fighting club #her backstory is connected somehwat with marks backstory #shes there kind of as like.. a foil? if im using the term correctly #she considers herself a hunter and likes to take the heads of “Beasts” i.e. big powerful insects (or in this case Midnight) #AND MARK. SHE WANTS TO KILL MARK. #we need more antagonists!!! #her motivation for wanting to do that is like... #if she defeats the NOTORIOUS (formerly) BLOODTHIRSTY ILLEGAL FIGHTING RING CHAMPION #thwn she will feel. worthy. #insecure girl. sje has many problems #i like her VERY much #hmmghh ????? something going on with mauve and gidget Ok #the point is that shes rlly young too. and mark (who was raised in the same horribl living situation) sympathizes with her #and wants to help her really badly #but she keeps stabbing him #so thats a problem #gidget foxglove #midnight #NOT REALLY YOUNG AS IN “SHES A CHILD” BUT YOUNG AS IN. SHES A TEENAGER STILL. AMD SHE IS KILLING PPL

[maddymoreau]

Why is everyone in Fallout 3 extremely hot

#I’m not going to live-blog Fallout 3 since I’ve had a LARGE amount of the game spoiled for me. #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So I feel like that defeats the purpose of a live-blogging. #BUT GOOD LORD IF THERE’S ONE THING THE FALLOUT SERIES KNOWS HOW TO DO IT’S MAKE HOT MEN!!!!!!! #Mister Burke becoming a stuttering mess because I called him lover was so attractive. #THE WAY HE DID A 180 ON HIS EVIL PLANS LMAO!!!! #ALSO BUG IF YOU’RE READING THIS I MET YOUR BOYFRIEND GOB!!!!! #Gob’s design is *chef kiss* WOOF WOOF BARK BARK!!! #Great taste as usual!!! ALSO I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM!!!!!! #Once I figure out how to do it without getting caught I’m going to kill Moriarty 🫡!!!!! #I’ve heard there’s a lot of ghouls in Fallout 3 so I’m VERY excited to meet them. Especially fan favorite Charon. #I LOVE BEAUTIFUL MEN!!!!!!!!! #Butch was a bully but hearing how happy he was I saved his mom was very cute. #ALSO HE GAVE ME HIS JACKET AS A THANK YOU!!!! AND LIED WHEN THE GUARDS ASKED IF THEY HAD SEEN ME!!!!!! #⭐️ Not as big of a jerk as you could’ve been ⭐️ #MaddyPlaysFallout3 #Fallout 3 #If I had to rank them (off my own personal taste) it’d be 1. Mister Burke 2. Gob 3. Butch.

[20001541]

when these pages in 364 dropped I was still confused as to what his motivations for doing all this were despite him laying them clearly out here.

here he is like well people are afraid of villains because villains do bad things and they hate them for it in return, so I want to do something bad like thwarting people's future so they could hate me too. that's all I ever wanted :)

it was always something I thought was weird BUT we don't get the full picture as to why this is so desirable for him until 411 when he's a baby

he does evil things so people can remember him! he wants to commit atrocities that will stay in people's mind for a long time so no one will ever forget him. his whole entire childhood be was ignored by the world and now he wants to be noticed. if he can't get people to notice him when he's helpless and hurting, then he's going to create misery and strife in their lives so they'll finally pay attention to him once and for all, hard to ignore the guy who destroyed your entire city and killed everyone you love.

his own eyes are dead and he wants everyone elses eyes to be dead like his so he thwarts their futures so they can all hate him and fear and remember him for it.

and it's such a vicious and ugly thing to do, but it makes perfect sense that someone like afo whose had to fight to survive the moment he was born and disregarded by society would do something like this.

and yes people will still remember him down the line, a lot of his fight was caught on camera. except they won't remember him as the demon lord to be feared, they'll remember him as the pitiful man who rewinded to a baby and was crawling on his knees crying and throwing a fit that he didn't get what he wanted in the end.

#I feel like he has a very childish mentality at his core #no one notices me so I'm going to do evil things so they will notice me! #the big bad villain of this comic gets tons of people who fear him and follow him and he's very powerful I want to be just like him #oh he gets defeated in the end well I'm going to pretend that never happened the ending was stupid anyways and next step is- #I'm bringing my own version of the story to life starring me as the big bad and I'm going to rewrite it so the big bad wins in the end #and I can finally prove to yoichi that comics were wrong and villains actually do win in the end!!!!!

[aroaceleovaldez]

idk how you can say it’s not also mark’s fault when a lot of the issues stem from the actual writing - it didn’t feel like rick’s writing and it’s more similar to mark’s work. rick has his issues but he doesn’t write like this. plotwise and consistency issues yes that’s def rick. and it doesn’t make sense that mark apparently did research about details but didn’t say anything about the details with biana or Hypnos. both of them including the editor failed on that. Also when the preview first came out, people said was bad. that was all mark, they told us. mark also confirmed that in the least, the first 10,000 words of tsats were all him too, with minimal editing. also a lot of the complaints/negativity are just on tumblr i highly doubt publishers will look at it or that their career will be ruined lol

I'm not saying that Oshiro is blameless - I'll admit, I'm not familiar with their other work, and yeah there's definitely too much within the book all over the place that feels messy and disjointed. I'm more used to being very clearly able to pick out Rick's writing so I was definitely able to see parts that were him, but there were also some details that very much told who was writing that portion very clearly (One actually kind of interesting one is every time you see use of s's versus s' in the case of like, something belonging to [noun/pronoun ending in S], the s's is Oshiro and s' is Rick, because throughout the entirety of the Riordanverse, Rick always uses s' and this book is the first time we see s's as well.). And there are absolutely plenty of scenes in the book that I know for a fact were written by Mark because they've explicitly said they wrote them and I do think those scenes are bad!

But I have said since the book was announced that I was very afraid people were gonna try to pin all the blame on the queer/nonbinary author just because they're new. I'm very used to Rick's writing at this point and how it's progressed, and a lot of the particular failings I noticed in TSATS are particularly consistent with recent series. I'm saying Oshiro is not the sole reason this book is bad, which is something I have had people attempt to argue to me already. I definitely don't think co-authoring this book improved it's condition much at all though. It probably did only make things worse, particularly in terms of how inconsistent everything is within it. Even if it was just Rick though I doubt we would have avoided how wildly out of character everything felt or the huge timeline changes/errors and incorrect details.

And you have entirely valid point I fully agree with as well - the editors should have totally stopped this mess WAY early on. It's honestly wild to me how little this book seems to have been run by an editorial team, because there's so many even just structurally wonky sentences or inconsistencies (again, switching s's and s' between writers) that you would normally expect to be caught and fixed very early on. It feels like the editing team didn't bother at all to catch awkward places where there is no bridging the gap between who's writing what, or do any kind of consistency checking even within details of the same sentence (Nemesis giving Nico the pomegranate seeds, and him apparently already having some?) or chapters (Will and Nico separately use the same exact simile at different times, seemingly unrelated to the other having used it), let alone multiple books. It makes me wonder if the Riordanverse has a series bible at all? That's writing a series 101.

And I agree that so many of the inconsistencies don't make sense if Oshiro did so thoroughly read through the series making notes, because then those inconsistencies should have been pointed out and corrected during the writing process. I really wish Oshiro had been able to smooth out detail inconsistencies, and given how Oshiro works as well as a sensitivity reader I would have really hoped we wouldn't have gotten stuff like the troglodytes again, or some of the general scenes that felt so viscerally bad like nobody considered any of the other implications within them.

Basically, yes, absolutely, it's everybody's fault and it's everybody's fault equally. But I have already seen people claim it was solely Mark Oshiro's fault, which it was not. It was just as equally the fault of Rick and the editing team.

#tsats #the sun and the star #pjo #riordanverse #mark oshiro #rick riordan #rr crit #tsats spoilers #the sun and the star spoilers #ask #Anonymous #actually one of the reaction images i had saved in my ''In preparations for TSATS'' meme folders #was specifically for Mark Oshiro stuff - it's the ''You were supposed to defeat the Sith not join them!'' #which is very apt to how i feel about the situation #long post //

[iam93percentstardust]

my peeps i am so depressed

#gail made it very clear that she thinks i need to rewrite my entire dissertation and that i should graduate in the fall instead #except you know the university won't pay for my tuition if i have to extend it an extra semester (not that that matters to her) #this presentation on wednesday is going to go fucking terribly because i'm so busy remaking figures i haven't even had a chance to practice #my favorite uncle passed away today #i was supposed to go see him on thursday and i haven't seen him in almost a year #i'm just feeling very defeated

[loveletterworm]

Cool game where you pick up flashlights off the ground in the dark until you're holding too many flashlights at which point trying to pick up more will make an unfitting cartoon boing sound effect that I had laying around in my downloads folder

#With this process now mostly defeated I must begin to consider my next enemy: #Making an entire roguelike level generation system for some reason despite being stupid. #I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea. I kind of assumed someone else would have written down how this is done. #But it's weirdly difficult to find. #mypost #i think i might make the player sprite randomized as well or maybe just change it #(other than just making it not be a placeholder drawn in 2 seconds.) #because i don't think the little cat thing is very fitting. #i thought making the player a little pudding animal in scary world would be funny and distract from the vaguely derivative concept* #(* it may be diverging into being less derivative) #but i feel like it just kind of looks weird now. it could at least be a different animal... #This just isn't cat behavior. #(you can barely see the sprite because it's dark though so maybe you have no idea what im talking about LOL)

[gummi-ships]

#kingdom hearts #kh1 #darkside #heartless #my gif #i remember fighting this thing for the first time as a little kid #you receive a weapon and only learn very basic combat against small heartless then suddenly this appears #i had never seen an enemy this big before in a video game and thought it would be an impossible fight but it felt so cool to defeat it #my memory is very poor but i'll never forget this experience because everything feels so grand when you're a child haha

[diableasura]

And if i say shigaraki is an inherently weaker character than touya and toga cause he got his agency completely removed from the story and was turned into a victim of circumstance whose actions were never truly his own, meanwhile touya and toga despite being victims too are also allowed to make their own choices and mistakes and therefore their impact as individual characters is felt way more and their stories end up being more compelling than shigaraki "every one of my farts was orchestrated by afo" tomura's, what then?

#i feel like horikoshi wrote himself into a corner with shigaraki after the villain arc #and was forced to backtrack and make afo the mastermind behind his entire life #with the downside of crippling shigarakis influence as an individual character in the story #i also feel this was done to make dekus task of saving him easier #whereas shoto and ochako had to go through the effort of trying to convince their villains deku only has to defeat afo to save tomura #he doesn't have to challenge shigarakis view of the world cause shigarakis view of the world was completely built by afo #and therefore never truly shigarakis own view #TLDR shigaraki is very boring as a character #bnha #shigaraki tomura