#I was looking with a way to cope with my anger and i realised that making cars explode was really helping

[saintmurd0ck]

lakeside dreamin'

masterlist

pairing: jedi general anakin skywalker x f!reader

summary: anakin reminisces about your lives together while he's away fighting in the clone wars

warnings: heavy angst, mentions of canon events in TCW, canon typical mentions of warfare, some smut/spice, mentions of sex, minors DNI 18+ only

a/n: to the one anon who requested this maybe a year ago? i saw clone wars anakin and it was over for my brain 🫠 anyway love you guys and leave a comment or reblog if you liked this! 🥺

song pairing: love on the brain (rihanna)

The war was taking its toll.

Day after day, planet after planet, all Anakin knew now was his place on the battlefield. And his role in leading the victory for the Jedi and the Republic, even though their dogma preached peace, not violence. Every skirmish brought a new kind of horror to his once uncomplicated life, whether it was watching Separatist droids and clone troopers alike, cut down as easily as marsh reeds, or the simple fact that his relationship with the Force was dwindling towards something impure. Something he couldn’t make sense of, and would surely raise more questions than answers if he were to confide in his Masters. It wasn’t that he contemplated reaching towards the Dark side, or thought of the kind of evil only the Sith could endure; it was more like an isolating numbness that spread from within, and before long, Anakin felt the cloud settle over his mind.

He was tired of seeing smoke — the kind that billowed in every direction, stinking of despair and lost hope on his front, despite the war turning to the Republic’s favour. It was the sound of unending blaster fire and the repetitive ignition of his lightsaber that haunted his nightmares, and with only the company of his clone legion, his Padawan Ahsoka and the occasional appearance from Obi-Wan, he felt himself starting to slip.

He was overwhelmed, and encumbered with burden. 

Never before had he experienced such guilt, anger and suffering — towards his army, towards the civilians caught in the crossfire, and towards his relationship with you. 

The secret life the two of you led, away from the Order, felt like something out of another galaxy, another lifetime. It was as if eons had passed since he’d last seen you, and yet the world was constantly evolving — not towards freedom, but into a more destructive version of its past. Even for a Jedi General (and, one could argue, because he was a Jedi General), Anakin had little comfort, and much less sway in which systems he visited and what he took part in. Seeing you was absolutely out of the question, but it wasn’t like he bothered to even ask, out of fear of inviting a lecture from Obi-Wan, or Maker-forbid, an audience with Master Yoda. 

At least things like facilitating training for the Onderon rebels allowed him to feel more of himself, and to an extent, a sort of unity with the Council, but all of that was quickly replaced by the more sinister side of the Separatist Alliance, such as the trainwreck on Zygerria. Liberation didn’t exist there. Not until Anakin showed up.

It was these events that really compelled him to look inwards, to not just seek the Force’s guidance, but to use it in tandem with a coping mechanism that would get him through the war. 

And so the vignettes began. Slowly, at first. 

It started off as little glimpses of your life together, slices of euphoric nostalgia that weaved their way into Anakin’s being. He didn’t realise just how much he yearned for you; not simply the way your skin felt on his, but the pureness of your energy, the reminder that good truly did exist in this world. As much as these images were a solace to his sanity, they brought about a sense of malaise. Contrition, actually, if he sought the Force for the purpose of clarity. Even though it all existed in his head, allowing himself these indulgences felt like once again, he was breaking Code. 

But could it really have been that bad, if it honed his focus? If it drew him back to the bigger picture, of the why? Reminding himself of who it was he fought for didn’t erase the atrocities, but it gave him that flicker of hope, knowing that the sum of his actions equalled a better world for you. 

And some selfish, miniscule part of him figured that if he could lead the victory, he’d be pardoned when the Order inevitably found out about the life the two of you shared. It isn’t as if no-one already knew. He was sure Ahsoka was aware. Rex, too. He doubted when it came to Obi-Wan, but then again very little got past his Master. 

While the memories of you lay fresh before his eyes, they seemed to sharpen at specific points throughout the day; often in the thick of battle, or when he woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in a cold sweat, nothing but thin shafts of moonlight illuminating his body. It’s like they were stitched perfectly amongst the real action, scattered at perfect intervals that jerked his body into manoeuvre.

The sweetest images had always featured the lake. 

Armed with nothing more but his wits, his back pressed against the cold, wet stone in a cave on Vanqor, he reminisced about that first night with you by the lakeside. The sweet smell of wildflowers carried in the breeze, heightened by his affinity for the Force. He recalled the gentle lapping of the waves on the shore, and how the two moons cast their milky glow upon the shimmering surface of the water. And you — radiant, almost ethereal in the soft light, and the way your lips brushed against his neck, filling him with the kind of heat that flooded all at once. Not even the screech of the pursuing gundark could have interrupted this moment in time. He felt his breathing go ragged, because he remembered what happened next. He gritted his teeth, thinking about the way he moved inside you, and how you tangled your fingers in his hair, pressing chaste kisses to his mouth, his chest, whispering his name in sinful bliss. The gundark didn’t stand a chance. Not when Anakin’s motivation for getting out alive laid in sweet promise, embedded in these visions.

His name felt the most natural rolling off your tongue, nevermind that that was truly the last real thing he possessed, unmarred by time and the influence of the Jedi. In that moment, when you’d taken him over the edge with you, crying his name so loud he swore someone had heard, he knew he’d give it over to you if you’d asked.

He thought of the lake again when he was in Felucia, crouched low amongst the sillum. His lightsaber grew heavy in his hand, the ridges suddenly awkward in his palm, but the grip he’d started to lose on his lifeline gave rise to something he couldn’t ignore. 

It was another temperate day and the sun had created the most brilliant reflections on the surface of the lake. With the grasses and trees swaying in the wind, Anakin closed his eyes, reaching out with the Force. He didn’t prod or poke, but rather he cast a wide net, a delicate caress, to connect with the life that teemed. It sang to him in a multi-layered harmony, acting as a prominent reminder that the Force flowed in all living things. And when his eyes fluttered open, he watched you carefully as you walked towards the water, your feet crunching on the smooth pebbles that made up the beach. You turned around to give him a dazzling smile, moving with deliberation to slip off your clothes. Your laughter echoed in the crisp air as you dived into the lake, disappearing under a swathe of emerald green, only to resurface in the middle with a large grin plastered to your face. He didn’t hesitate to jump in, to shed his clothing on the spot. A shudder ran down his spine at the thought of what happened shortly after. 

Sometimes it was hard to return to the present, to remember that he’d sleep alone that night while you were only just waking up, systems away, most likely after another fitful slumber.  There were times where he thought these visions would serve no other purpose than to derail him, when the temptation of your touch shadowed his desire for victory. These moments guided him to channel the Force within, so as to remind himself of why he was doing this in the first place. Because it was more than just a coping mechanism. It was an anchor. A thrumming pulse point. A gentle acknowledgement of the life he wanted to come back to.

It’s then that he wondered when enough would be enough, when the war would come to a stalemate, as it so often did in their history. The tide was turning, and he knew it.

And there it was again, that kernel of hope, that ember of light that shone in the depths of his soul. Even reduced to a ghost in his memory, you were tangible, so tangible now. He wouldn’t let the Separatists win. He couldn’t, because there was too much at stake. And so if thinking of you, in these ways, helped him remember that, he wasn’t going to stop. 

Not for anyone. 

#anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker angst #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker fanfiction #anakin skywalker fic #star wars smut #star wars fanfiction #the clone wars fanfiction #anakin x reader #anakin smut #anakin fanfiction #x reader #rhi writes 💻

[lilacargent]

As im currently dealing with the loss of a loved one, this is my way of coping.

Grief

Grief is an interstellar concept. Almost every species in the galaxy has its own traditions and practices. Humans are no exception, like with most of their emotions their grief is all encompassing. Traditions vary from one culture to another, even people deal with it in different ways.

Kilare as part of a flocking species wonders about the human crewmates when one is lost in a battle. She knew the passed human Ellie very well. Turns out they grieve like a flock, huddled together weeping, almost giving into the urge to join she turns away, expecting this to last for a long time she leaves them be. When she checks next the little unit is drinking and laughing, she can hardly believe it, carefully stepping into the room “i am sorry, may i ask something?” The humans look up some still blotchy from crying, the human she knows as liz nods “you were all weeping just now, but you seem happy? Im confused…” fluffing her feathers Kilare backpedals “not to be insensitive, im just trying to understand your process.” Evan gets up and walks to her “that is okay, you knew Ellie well right? We are talking about her and how we miss her, laughing comes with the tears.” Motioning for the taller feathered woman to join the little group Moira makes eye contact and starts explaining “i know you are from a species that grieves as a group, if i remember correctly mostly weeping and spread ashes on the wind to join in every flight” impressed by the womans knowledge she nods Moira goes on “humans have many different traditions, but every one grieves their own way and time. Mostly in five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. No two people go through it the same or even through all of them. There is times we grieve as a collective, sometimes you need time and process as an individual. We are now reminiscing Ellie, but i already know im gonna have a cry later and ill never forget her.” Kamare could understand and respect that so she joined in. It soothed her soul.

It was years before she saw human grief again so up close.

When the Ri’ktil attacked they committed what humans called warcrimes without batting any of their eighteen eyes. The horror of the people quickly turned to fear. It was when they blew up a human colony Kimare saw the unified grief. Human governments trying to bargain with the Ri’ktil, families travelling to the floating remnants of the colony trying to find survivors, denying that what had happened killed everyone man, woman and child. A month passed and humanity had grown silent and passive, the Ri’ktal took this as victory and broad cast it to the rest of the species in the galactic counsel. A warning that they would stop at nothing and break them like they broke the humans. Kimare remembered her conversation all those years ago and realised that anger was still coming, she could almost seeing it brewing under the surface.

A month was what it took. A month for humans to start walking upright again. Not only humans on their planets but everyone, on every world and every ship seemed to have shared in the depression. So when the fog cleared the whispering began, then came the talking, when it turned to yelling the Ri’ktil took notice. It was too late for them though. Because humanity started screaming, unified rage became a spearhead of humans all over the galaxy, noone even considered not helping. The tsunami of humans that could not wait to tear their enemy apart surprised them, no matter their way too many eyes, this they did not see coming.

The counsel joined the humans in their fight, and quick as the Ri’ktil had invaded were they beat back aswell. The defeat of their enemies did not dismiss their grief. But instead of on a specie scale individuals began their own process. Four years later Kimare noticed a change, they had made a monument out of the destroyed colony, it seemed to signify an end point. Humans went there to process and make peace, they had accepted what had happened moved past it. But never forgotten.

Humans didn’t forget when they grieved, they remember and accept.

~~~~~~

Tadah

#humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #humans in space #humans are deathworlders #humans are space capybaras #humans are space australians #humans are insane

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Family, not by blood but by choice instead | awfc x teen!reader

I previously posted on another account, however, I didn't realise a second blog wouldn't allow me to follow people, so I am reposting again on my new one.

Let me know what you all think!

You should have known, there was tell-tail signs all throughout the last several years and yet you were so blind about it all.

Your mother was a narcissist, she was manipulative and gaslighted you your whole life, you were always made out to the bad guy and she was the victim.

It was clear as day to anyone on the outside, but your nieve self just chose to always believe different about things.

Looking back on the several years of your childhood, you had always thought you upbringing wasn't completely terrible. It was just the 2 of you, only your mum and you ever since you could remember. Your parents ended up splitting up when you were really little but ever since that day, you had always been made out to be the reason for their seperation.

You had always wonderd how it could be your fault. You was only 3 when he walked out, so how could it really be like that?

"You were always too much to handle. He couldn't cope," Your mum would say, all of them long nights when you would wrap your tiny arms around her and sob your little heart out to her.

"I'm here, you've got me. You've only ever got me," Her words were embedded in your head from the day that you'd decided to try and have an open conversation about the possibility of finding your dad. "Why go and find him? Haven't I been good enough. I'm the one that's looked after you all of these years and this is the thanks that I get in return?" It was always something that like, always a guiltrip and it was something that she knew would work well.

The harsh statement of the most recent conversation with the older woman left a bitter taste in your mouth and make you question every single thing in life.

"Aren't you happy for me? I made it, mum!" You exclaimed, you were happy enough to want to share the news with your mum but you found so dumbfound by her response which left you feeling shame and judgement for even wanting to tell her.

"Yes you have made it Y/N but you know, you only have me to thank for that now, don't you?" Your mum once again found a way to make it about herself, regardless of the situation;  It was always and only ever about her. "I'm sure that you can find some way to thank me though. All of those years and the amount I have spent on football boots for you. You'd be nowhere if it wasn't for me and I think you owe me now, don't you?" she told you.

You remember feeling stunned by her words, there was a lot of emotions that you had felt building up inside as you were ultimately confused how she'd somehow managed to twist this to make it all about herself but of course she was quick enough to make an excuse to end the call when she grew bored of talking to you.

You should have knew better, every phone call always ended up being the same way and it always left you with a feeling of guilt for making a life for yourself and that phone call that night wasn't any different. You had just been so excited to spill the news, however that excitment soon faded and was replaced by confused feelings of upset and anger once you'd told her, you fought to hold in your tears during the initial phone call but you were on the verge of breaking by the time she had hung up.

That phone call was the one you told her about making it into the national team, you had only been a part of Arsenal womens' first team for under a year and it felt like a massive achievement to be selected to represent your country and immediately you couldn't wait to share the news with your mum - You thought that she'd be pleased for you but you couldn't be further away from the truth.

Ever since that phone call, you had tried your hardest to distance yourself from your mum but it hurt to do that. The women was the only blood related family member that you had, it had only ever been the 2 of you, together through thick and thin.

Flash forward to now, the current time where you are sitting on the sofa, you had returned home after a long training session and you couldn't help but think about it that conversation on a constant loop in your head. 

"You were quiet tonight kidda," Leah perched on the arm of sofa as looked at you in concern. "I'm about to start cookin' tea. How's chicken dippers and smiley faces sound, eh?" she suggested.

"Mhm. Sure that sounds good to me," You mumbled as you kept your eyes focused on nothing but the telly.

The truth was that the conversation was constantly replaying in your head; The conversation, the bitterness and manipulation, every time you thought about it it then made you think of every other time that something like this happened.

Maybe your childhood wasn't as great as you really thought?

"Okay then... Is there anything that you want to talk about?" The blonde questioned, hoping for a bit more of an insight on your mood; Returning from her own rehab session, the entire car ride had been quiet compared to normal and the older woman couldn't help but feel something wasn't right.

"Nope," You stood firm in your reply, shaking your head as you kept your eyes glued on the TV screen; You couldn't really say that you payed much attention to whatever it was, the noise was pretty much a blur that was playing in the background.

"Are you sure?" Leah questioned, frowning worriedly as she took note of the tears welling up in your eyes. "Kidda, what's the matter? You look like you're gonna cry." she stated.

"I... I'm fine," You mumbled, fighting hard to keep the tears at bay until you could escape to your bedroom and allow yourself to be vulnerable and alone. You'd always felt complete shame to show any sort of vunterability in front of anyone, let alone the blonde footballer who'd virtually taken you under her wing ever since you joined during the transfer break of 2022.

You'd always been told that crying showed weakness and you refused to be seen as weak.

"Okay," Leah was quick to drop the subject when she realised you weren't going to open and talk about things. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it but just remember that I'm always here to listen. Anytime that you want too, alright?" she told you.

Unfortunately you were stubborn to not give in and blurt everything out in the open. You were just trying to wrap your head around the idea of things and see things for how they really were.

"Uh huh," You mumbled a response as you got up from the sofa and trudged in the direction of your bedroom.

Leah exhaled a sigh as she shook her head, herself heading into the kitchen to make a start on dinner. The woman knew better than to try and get you to talk if you didn't want too.

She'd always been around to witness the moments like this and the backlash of it. Of course the blonde knew this was all stemmed down to one person causing you to be like this and she hated that you were left upset every single time.

Every single time you and your mum fought, you'd always ended up quiet and in a bad mood, often resulting in lashing out at people around you as a coping mechanism.

None of the girls ever took it to heart, they were old enough to realise that none of your anger was directly aimed at them and there was bigger issues to be dealt with.

The Arsenal women all had their own opinions on the teens' mother but they would never voice them out loud to you. It wouldn't be fair on the youngest in the squad even after the countless times they had seen the girl upset by her own mums actions.

Ever since the teen had moved in, there had been several nights where Leah would be the one to comfort the girl and pick up the peices, waking up in the middle of the night to hear the teen's heartbroken sobs and feeling her own heart shatter every single time, wanting nothing more than take away any sort of pain the girl was experiencing.

It was heartbreaking for all of the team to witness and always sought out to comfort the teen no matter the situation. They knew that no matter they say, they couldn't stop her contacting her and she would be able to make her own decision soon enough when she turned 18 and until then they'd be the ones' to pick up the broken pieces when the mum let her daughter down.

They were your family, not by blood but by choice. You'd probably be lost without them sometimes.

"I... I should have realised sooner," You thought to yourself as you lay crumpled up on your bed that following night, it was almost near 4 in the morning and you were still wide awake with things racing through your head.

You couldn't help but think about things, how you should have noticed the tell-tail signs of her gaslighting you were old enough to properly realise, that was your first mistake.

Your second being that you believed her manipulation, she would always twist things to make her seem like the victim in all different situations - back when you were a child and even now as an adult.

How long it had taken you finally realise it after all of these years. Why hadn't you realised it sooner?

Without realising, you were sobbing aloud as you clutched on to your pillow tightly - the pent up anger was replaced by complete sadness and loss. You only ever wanted the approval of your mum about things and you fought so hard for it.

The phone call, the hopeful seal of approval...  Every time it always seemed to be the same type of emotions when you spoke to your mum - It was a vicious cycle of emotional abuse, or so you'd been told from other people and you never wanted to believe it.

Only problem was that you'd not been able to see it yourself, even if it was clear as day. Even if regardless of a psychological therapist telling you this, you refused to believe them words. Nor your team mates, who had realised it the first time they had the chance to meet her and even then you wouldn't listen or hear them out.

It was your mum, your flesh and blood so how could she be like that? You had never been able to wrap your head around it.

The sound of sobs were what woke Leah up, she was quick to pad out of her bedroom and down the hall to where your bedroom was. "Kidda?" The women pushed the door open and her heart cracked to see you looking so distraught and vulnerable.

The blonde was quick to move to be right beside you, she was always the one to comfort you and she wouldn't ever stop doing that as long as you needed her.

"Hey, kidda. Come here," The blonde scooped you up in her arms and rocked you all while she ran her slender fingers through your messy bedhead. "You're okay. I'm here," she reassured you.

Leah was always patient enough to wait for you to calm down before she gave you the chance to speak, she wouldn't ever push you to talk if you didn't want too.

"L... Le," You cried aloud as you clutched onto her. You breath became shaky as sobs wracked your body.

"I'm here, it's okay," Leah spoke calmly, continuing to try and comfort you the best way she knew but she already knew it was going to be a long night ahead of them - An emotional night that would leave you drained tomorrow.

A vicious cycle of on a loop.

"Ready to tell me what's going on inside that head of yours, huh?" The blonde tried to carefully ask.

There was another brief pause of silence, nothing but the quiet sobs coming from you as the blonde continued to comfort you and reassure you that she was here and not leaving you.

To Leah's surprise, you did open up this time around, even if you didn't mean too.

"I should have realised. I should have... I should have realised," You made the mistake to speak aloud rather than think it like you thought you had.

"You should have realised what, kidda?" Leah questioned, confused about what you meant.

You snap your head in the blondes' direction as you bit your bottom lip, debating whether to be open with your thoughts that you tried so hard to keep buried inside.

"About my mum... I should have realised," You repeated your words as you fought the tears from spilling. "She's so... She's so-- Why does everything I tell her, why does it always get turned back around so it's about her?" That was it. You blurted out your own feelings - There was no hiding how you felt anymore.

Leah smiled sympathetically and moved onto the sofa to sit closer to you, wrapping her free arm around your shoulder to comfort you, "I... I don't know kidda," she spoke honestly.

"So many people, so many people have told me-- They've warned me about her but I have... I never wanted to listen," You confessed, the tears openly rolled down your cheeks and you probably looked a right blubbering mess but you couldn't stop your emotions pouring out. "And now... Now I finally realise how it's always been. Why is she like that, Le?" You asked.

"I can't say I know the answer to that one kidda, I wish I knew," Leah replied, exhaling a sigh as she couldn't fathem herself how a mother could be like that with her own child, she felt so much for the girl and always wished she could make the situation better for her. "Listen, I know it's hard but you've got us. All of us girls here at Arsenal and you're so loved by all of us." she told you.

"I... I just want her to love me, and she just... she doesn't even care about my feelings!" You stated, roughly wiping at your tear stained cheeks angrily to the point that you made them red. "Why does she always throw everything back in my face? Everything that I have ever done, she's always made it about her... Always!" you cried.

"I know, I know it hurts... I know it does," You kept your head buried in the blondes' chest as you hiccuped from the sudden breakdown in the middle of the night. "And I am sorry that you have to go through this. It's not fair on you kidda." Leah added, biting her bottom lip.

All of emotion had led you feeling exhausted in the end, you fought it hard to keep your eyes open as you lay slumped against the blonde woman.

"Come on let's get you back into bed, yeah? I mean you're almost falling asleep on me here, kidda," Leah joked with you, hoping for you to even crack a small smile as she gently moved you back to your bed and tucked you in under the duvet. "I'm so sorry you have had to deal with the kidda but you know you have a family here with us. We may not be blood but we really love you kidda." You heard the faint words spoken to you as you felt your eye lids close, completely warn out.

Sure, the Arsenal women weren't family by blood but instead they were family by choice and that was more important. They were there for you whenever you needed them and you knew you felt safe with them around. You truly felt happy with your chosen family.

#arsenal x reader #leah williamson #woso #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso x reader #awfc x reader #light angst

[bakugou-katsukis-wife]

hellooooo can i be 🩰 anon?? ^-^

i wanted to request dabi getting jealous over either shigaraki or twice flirting with y/n!! honestly, i feel like he’d be sooo pissed cause like y/n’s kind of flirting back but she’s just teasing him~~

it can be fluff or smut ^-^ !! i don’t mind~~

thanks again! you seem super sweet and i love your writing!!

Authors note: Hey! Thank you for the request, I'm grateful for your kind words♡♡. I hope i answered your request well!

Ps. This is my first time writing smut, so I apologize before hand-

Pairing: Touya Todoroki x fem!reader

Gener: Smut

Summary: Touya got jealous once he saw you on twice's lap. Things did not end in the best satisfied way you would've wanted. You had to be reminded who you belonged to after all.

Warnings: sexual content, teasing, edging, orgasm denial, p in v, fingering, slight BDSM (uses of belt), toys, spit kink?, masochism?, marking, dom!Touya, Sub!reader, reader has she/Her pronouns, impending release, fleshlight usage, slight degardation, name calling (lil'mouse, brat, slut, doll, princess, etc), (Lmk if I missed any, also not proof read)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

(Nsfw start has been mentioned)

It was a normal day for the L.O.V . They didn't forge any attacks or do anything of the sort.

Shigaraki was coped up in his room, talking to his master while dabi had left to get groceries so that they don't die of starvation.

All the while you, toga, and twice remained at the bar drinking away. It was noon and the sun was still up but, eh.

In your drunken state you didn't realise when and how you ended up in twice's lap as he brushed his fingers through your hair, the proximity between you two going unnoticed by you.

Twice always was a flirty guy, well one of his personalities were. He flirted with you all over the place whenever he could- like right now, hes been telling you how you looked pretty the other night where you and dabi had gone out on his bike; your tight biker's jacket making him blush.

While he still played with your hair you absentmindedly played with his fingers still resting on the bar top, Toga gave her over 3 shots in the past 10 minutes.

"Awe isn't that cute? You're adorable twicey~"

Toga was giggling to herself, not warning you two about dabi coming down the steps and into the bar-

"The fuck is going on?" Uh oh. Dabi's here. Pretty sure he heard you.

You startled away from twice's lap, your finger going on your lips as you innocently looked around, at twice, then yourself, then the bar top with shot glasses and Toga, and then at Touya.

You stifled your giggles, "nothing! Twice was just giving me cushioning so that I don't get sore!" You smiled sweetly. As if nothing was wrong here.

You turned back to twice and bent down a bit to give him a peck on the cheek, thanking him for looking out for you.

You knew dabi stared at your ass, it was right infront of his field of view.

Touya's eyebrows were raised in question as his lips formed a scowl.

The plastic bags melting from where his hands had started heating up. The bags fell, burning to the ground.

"You sick motherfucker. How dare you touch my girl?!" He stalked over to twice, pushing you aside. Grabbing him by the throat as he threatened him. His hand glowing with fire right next to his face.

Before twice could reply though, he turned towards Toga on the other side of the bar, "and you? You know she's light weight!" Toga just shrugged and snickered in amusement.

You watched everything, you didn't like this. It's not fun anymore. You stood their with a pout as your emotions took a toll on you. Fuck, it's the shots you took.

Touya let go of twice after pushing him off the barstool in anger and walked over to you.

He put his thumb and forefinger under your chin and tilted your head up, your doe eyes looking back at him, getting glossy by the minute.

You were sensitive. Very sensitive given your drunk. But that's your charm, you can literally manipulate people with just your eyes. If only you weren't so drunk, an airhead, and God were you a tease.

A single tear escaped from the corner of your eye, Touya was quick to catch it on his finger and press a chaste kiss to your lips.

He then moved to kiss your neck, trailing his kisses up to your ear, "now now baby, if anything I should be crying dont'cha think? I just saw my girl rubbing her ass on another guys lap. That's not a pleasant sight now is it?" He whispered as he pressed another kiss at your ear lobe, nibbling at your skin. His ministrations caused you to shudder under him.

"Let's take this to my room shall we lil'mouse?"

He didn't wait for a response, he grabbed your wrist and dragged you towards his room.

--- (nsfw starts here.)

He pushed on his bed roughly, staring into your eyes the whole time.

He pulled your ankles till you were sitting at the edge of his bed, legs on his shoulders as he went down on his knees in between your plush thighs. Face to face with what he loved so so much.

"I think this mouse has forgotten who she belongs to. Isn't that right?" He mocked all his questions, looking into your eyes daring you to disobey him in any way.

You just shook your head desperately, tears forming in your eyes "p-please.. m'sorry.." You knew this couldn't be good.

"Please what?, Brat." He spat out as his cold fingers were quick to flipping your skirt up, slapping your inner thigh harshly. He groaned as he saw the wet patch against the lace of your panties.

"You're always wet aren't you? Just waiting for someone to fill you up. Bet that's what was going through that dumb head of yours sitting on that Fucker's lap when I'm not here." His nose nudged the patch as he inhaled your scent with yet another groan.

"N-no.." You whispered at his accusations.

"No? Then what were you thinking that got you this wet hm?" He knew the answer to that. His doll was always eager to be filled with his cock all the time.

You paused for moment. Pondering if you should answer him or not. But your thoughts were cut of quickly, Touya had slipped your panties aside and delivered a sharp slap right against your clit making you squeal loudly.

"Answer me brat." He let a glob of spit flow down his lips onto your already glistening pussy.

The cold fluid making you shiver as you stuttered to respond, "Y-you" You visibly swallowed in sheer nervousness from his glare still on you.

"That's what I thought, now it wasn't so hard now was it princess?" , "yet you decided to flirt with that piece of shit?. That's unacceptable lil'mouse."

His calmness was honestly scaring you now. You expected him to blow up and scream. I mean he did but, this? He sounds so... so chill. It's honestly terrifying, you can't tell what he is planning to do to you.

He could see how your eyes flickered under his gaze, the tinge of fear lacing them.

He smirked as he licked a singular swipe from your rim to your clit, you let out a shaky sigh. Closing your eyes as you savored the feeling.

"Eyes on me doll." He pinched your clit as his hand snaked up under your shirt to play with tits. His tongue slipping inside you, fucking you at a slow and sensual pace You opened your eyes, your hands instinctively going to grab onto his hair as you whimpered "Touya...~"

He stopped your hands, you looked at him in slight shock, you thought he just wanted to eat you out? Wrong.

"Nuh uh baby, you take what I give. Nothing more. Nothing less. You wanna complain?" He got up from under you, you watched as he took his belt off. He grabbed both your wrists and bound them together with his belt. Tightening the straps till the point it actually got painful, "t-too tight Touya!" You screamed, his hand instantly slid down, plunging three fingers into at once. Making you scream out his name.

His pace was relentless, he curled his fingers in the best ways as you became a squirming, moaning mess underneath him.

You felt the knot in you tightening to the point of bursting any minute now, Touya felt it too. He knew the tell tale sign of your walls clamping down on his finger, you were almost there. Almost. You were moaning a string of words telling him how good you felt and how close you were, you knew your release was close, just one more thrust...

Touya pulled his hands away, laughing at your whine of frustration as tears went down your pretty face.

He saw how you tried to close your thighs to rub them together, but his hand came in between.

"Awe isn't that you cute? You're adorable doll~" He coo'ed at you, mocking your words from before.

You whined more, your nose sniffling "Touya! This isn't fair!" You cried out, your bottom lip wobbling

He chuckled and reached down to take your bottom lip between his teeth, sucking on it.

He unbuttoned his jeans sliding them down, just enough to take his dick out.

"Should've thought about that before babe." He smirked

Shivers went down your spine once Touya rubbed his dick agasint your folds, covering himself in your slick. You were still sensitive from his previous touches. He knew that.

Without much warning, he shoved himself balls deep in one single thrust. Your back arched, eyes rolling back.

"F-fuck. You're still so tight baby- ugh"

God the sounds you made, Touya can only assume everyone outside knows what's happening in here.

Touya's thrusts were sharp, quick, and mildly painful. His pace wasn't for you, it was for him. He was using you as his personal cocksleeve. He grabbed your thighs, your legs now over his shoulder, putting you in a mating press. The new angle making you scream out loud.

He pinched your nipples and squeezed your tits, his mouth didn't leave your neck. You're pretty sure there'll be dozens of purple spots litering your skin the next morning.

You tried to move your hands to hold onto him as he thrusted into you with such strength your scared you'll slide up and hit your head against the headboard. Unfortunately your hands are still bound, and painful. But that only added to your pleasure,

You felt your self getting closer again. Your walls squeezed him deliciously, "don't you dare cum y/n" He warned.

"Touya..." You whimpered,

"You'll only suffer if you do baby."

"Listen to me like the good girl you are yea?"

All you could do was nod and take what he gave you, you could do nothing but obey to him. After all you belonged to him at the end of each day.

He hand came down to circle your clit, you were twitching uncontrollably now. Holding back your orgasm as Touya continued to ram into you. The Stimulations against your clit were just adding to your need to cum

"Touya... please let me cum!" You pleaded, "I don't think so doll. I don't think you deserve to cum. Fuck, you don't even deserve my cum"

That's when he pulled out, your eyes grew wide and sniffles were heard coming from you,

"I hate you Touya, you sick bastard!"

Touya only chuckled in response, "Hah, maybe I should ask twice to teach you manners? Bet that sounds good to you hm?"

"No. Fuck you Touya!" .

"Ya already did y/n. I don't think you've learnt your lesson yet. You still have the nerve to talk back to me?"

You scoffed looking away, tears still flowing down your puffed up cheeks.

You heard him shuffling around, That's when he came back with his fleshlight...

"Why dont'cha watch me fuck this instead, it deserves my cum way more than you do."

He held the flashlight in his hand as he angles his dick into it, jerking himself off with it.

You whined, taking your tied wrists, rubbing your hands on your own pussy trying to get off but failing miserably. Touya only laughed as he got closer to his release in the fleshlight.

"Ah, fuck. 's so good"

"Ugh. Better then you, ateast it doesn't talk back like a whiney slut"

His hands were going faster now, his groans and huffs getting more frequent. He was close.

All you could do was watch him cum in the fleshlight while you were left high and extremely wet from your impending release.

After all, you could only take what he gave you for today.

Navi . Masterlist

© BAKUGOU-KATSUKIS-WIFE 2024, DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE

#bakugou katsukis wife #ask #dabi x reader smut #touya todoroki smut #mha #bnha #touya todoroki #mha touya #bnha touya #touya x reader #dabi x reader #dabi smut #mha dabi #dabi #bnha dabi #touya todoroki x reader #touya todoroki x you #touya todoroki x reader smut #mha smut #bnha smut #x fem!reader smut #x reader smut #smut

[justporo]

Healing Hands

Halsin was injured in a fight and the one responsible for that is Astarion who now - against his own volition - feels like he needs to do something to help the other. Being alone with the gentle druid brings up more unexpected feelings though and it might not only be Halsin's wound that is being tended to.

MASTERLIST | AO3

Author's Note: This was written as a secret santa gift! My gift recipient was very okay with it being posted so y'all are being treated as well. This was also like... my first time writing full-on M/M smut (so please be gentle? As gentle as Halsin if you can...). So, have another instance of porn with feelings...

Pairing: Astarion/Halsin Warnings: Explicit sexual content (anal, fingering, handjob) Wordcount: 6,3k ~~~

“It's nothing.”

“It's obviously not nothing, otherwise you wouldn't have sounded like a dying boar each time you took another step all the way back to camp”, Astarion spat at Halsin who was currently leaning against a tall boulder next to his tent to steady himself. The druid was partially doubled over in pain from an injury - but still towering over the vampire.

Astarion immediately regretted the words as soon as they had left his tongue.

Yes, he was mad at this oaf of a druid for playing down his injuries - simply because it was idiotic and an unnecessarily heroic thing to do. But mostly the vampire felt guilty - a sentiment he'd become used to just suppress to not let himself get dragged under completely. But alas, that coping mechanism didn't seem to work this time.

So here Astarion was, wallowing in the shame of being the one responsible for the wood elf’s wounds. It ate him up from the inside - and he hated it.

And the vampire might've been even more shaken had he admitted to himself that the guilt and the anger were generously laced with genuine worry about the druid. But he surely wasn’t ready for that confession yet.

Halsin looked at the pale elf who was standing before him with his arms crossed over his chest and who looked only one more moment away from angrily throwing his hands in the air. But he also saw that tinge of worry and shame in the vampire's crimson eyes.

A warmth filled the druid’s chest realising what the vampire might not yet fully let himself understand. Maybe with some time though, the druid thought to himself, Astarion would realise what had made him come over here instead of just turning away in indifference.

“I’ll have you know that that's not at all what a dying boar sounds like”, Halsin replied softly with a lopsided smile while trying to stand up tall again. Astarion huffed.

Halsin knew he was pushing it when he answered like that. But then again it seemed like playful, if not even sometimes outright mean, banter was a much easier way for the pale elf to work through his emotions than addressing them straight on.

“Well, so I guess you simply sounded like a dying druid then”, the vampire spat back and then - with arms still crossed over his chest - made to turn and walk away. “Maybe I should have just left you alone in your final moments, let you suffer alone, since you’re so keen on becoming a martyr.”

The words were pure venom.

Halsin didn’t mind. He saw directly through the hurtful words and knew of the pain beneath that caused them. And he also knew that this was merely a coping strategy for the vampire who hadn’t even been allowed to care for someone - not even himself - for such a long time.

The druid could have left it at that, letting the other man walk away. Maybe to bring it up again later, to give the younger elf some more time to process his own feelings.

But if Halsin was honest with himself he was quite desperate for some company too, some genuine connection - it had been so long since someone had taken care of him for once. Centuries of always getting back up again on your own made you strong if not stern for sure. But it also made you lonely quite often.

So the big man took a quick step to reach for Astarion before he was out of reach and grabbed his shoulder - softly but with determination. The quick movement caused another strained groan and a wince but he didn’t falter.

“Please, Astarion”, Halsin said in a deep tone, trying to filter the struggle out of his voice. Astarion halted immediately although he only turned to the other man reluctantly. Still he was barely able to hide that he’d been eager to be interrupted from leaving.

But the gaze in his crimson eyes was still cautious, closed off. It was almost as if the vampire was a wild animal - if not approached quite right he could still quickly be driven away. And then one couldn’t be sure if he would ever come this close again.

But thankfully sidling up and taking care of scared animals was kind of Halsin’s specialty. If he’d mastered getting along with hurt beasts and proud predators surely he’d be able to find the right words to make the vampire feel at ease and let down his guard - even if only for a tiny bit. Then the druid would take it from there.

“I appreciate your concern, more than I maybe let on at first and I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to mock you”, the druid declared and softly squeezed the vampire’s shoulders while with an open smile he tried to convey his genuine conviction.

“I’m not conc-”, the pale elf began to spit but the warmth and open vulnerability on Halsin’s face made him shut up again quickly. It wasn’t entirely clear though if it was mainly because he’d realised the lie he had been about to utter or if he simply wasn’t able to deal with the tall elf’s strategy of gently deescalating.

Slowly, Astarion let himself be nudged to turn around, so Halsin quickly continued: “If you’d be so kind I could use some help cleaning and dressing the wound - it’s easier with a second pair of hands. And probably even more if it’s yours.” The druid realised his mistake in wording as soon as the sentence had left his tongue. Immediately, the vampire’s cocky confidence was back.

“Oh, is that so?”, Astarion replied as his signature smirk was now spreading over his face. The vampire turned around fully again and lifted one of his eyebrows. The former anger and pettiness was seemingly forgotten as soon as he had seen an opening for sultry jokes - how typical.

“So what you’re saying is, you want my hands on you, Halsin Silverbough, did I catch that correctly?”, Astarion asked and sauntered around the druid a bit who followed him with his eyes. His arms were still crossed over his chest but he was leaning towards Halsin now, a smug grin still on his face.

Halsin meanwhile had released the vampire’s shoulder and seemed even a bit flustered by the sudden change in tone and mood. He’d known Astarion could be whimsical but the way the vampire could almost turn anything into lewd commentary was astounding even to him.

“I mean, if you wouldn’t mind - I could use some help with-,” Halsin began.

“Alright,” Astarion immediately interrupted him with a dramatic sigh and roll of his red eyes “I’ll do it. But only because - what would you even have done if I hadn’t come over here by accident.” The vampire clicked his tongue while Halsin couldn’t stop a knowing grin creeping onto his lips. How Astarion twisted and turned everything into a joke so as to not be seen as actually caring would have been amusing if the reasons for it hadn’t been so sad.

But for now Halsin simply accepted his deflections and just felt joyous that he had succeeded in drawing the rogue back in. The time to talk about coping mechanisms was very much a discussion for another night. And if Halsin was honest with himself he felt the pain from the wound a lot more the longer he waited to get to it. And he didn’t want it to become an actual problem.

The druid said nothing more and simply turned around to open up the flap to his tent with another wince and ducked inside. He felt Astarion following closely behind.

Inside was just about enough space for the two men to stand. The closeness with which both of them were suddenly confronted immediately set another mood again. And when Halsin went to light the lantern the mood was certainly only intensifying when dim orange light filled the small space.

The druid started to rumble through his supplies while trying to both ignore the growing pain and the knowledge that he probably never had been this private with the vampire before.

He liked Astarion quite a fair amount. Despite the younger elf being quite ghastly at times and his unsated need for violence Halsin had immediately felt drawn to him. Maybe he’d felt from the beginning that some of the lashing out lay deeply rooted in pain and suffering that no creature should ever have to endure. Even before he had learnt bits and pieces of Astarion’s past, had Halsin felt the need to ease his agony. To hold him until the tension released - or maybe even was replaced with another kind of tension altogether.

The tall elf was reminded of these thoughts as he kept going through his stuff - maybe taking a bit longer than unnecessary in an attempt to calm himself from emotions welling up inside him.

Meanwhile, the other elf suspiciously cleared his throat while he looked around the druid’s tent and definitely not at the other man’s backside. Whatever it was he thought and felt about Halsin, it seemed complicated if not completely opposite to the druid’s notions. Not that he had willingly admitted any of this.

Small pots and bottles clanking and clattering were the only sounds for long awkward moments until Halsin finally found the salve and some bandages that he’d been looking for. He put them down somewhere beside him. Then he turned around to face Astarion again who still had his arms crossed over his chest. This time it seemed defensive - or maybe it was just a way to keep his hands occupied since he had no better idea what to do with them. The druid would give them something better to do soon though.

“I have an ointment that will take care of the wound and help the healing process. I’ll have to clean the injury first though, maybe you could see if we still have some spirit around among the camp supplies?”, the wood elf proposed to Astarion who immediately nodded and went off without another word. Uncommon for him, but judging by how Halsin himself was missing some of his usual self-confidence in this unusual situation, he couldn’t judge him.

When the vampire returned, a bottle of strong alcohol in hand, the wood elf was currently trying to get his armour off - and failing miserably. The still growing pain made it hard for him to make full use of his arms and move them around enough to undress himself.

It only took Astarion one glance to take the scene in and realise this. He put down the bottle next to the other stuff Halsin had put out in preparation and took another step closer to the druid, already holding up his hands, reaching out.

“Nothing, huh? But you can’t even loosen the straps on your armour, eh?”, he teased but there was actual worry in his voice and eyes and Halsin didn’t dare protest now. The sudden genuineness surprised the druid once more. Silently, he wondered how many more moments like this there would be tonight.

“Let me do it for you”, the vampire continued and already started undoing the straps of Halsin’s armour with his nimble, elegant fingers - starting on the side and then slowly moving around to the druid’s back. Silence stretched out between the two men as Astarion quickly undid the buckles; already a lot less awkward than before.

It was only interrupted when smooth, cool fingers accidentally made contact with warm skin and sudden gasps left both the druid’s and the rogue’s mouth when Astarion started to gently drag the armour off Halsin’s chest.

The druid helped by lifting up his muscular arms as much as his wound would allow - suppressing strained moans as much as possible.

Astarion took off the armour and discarded it rather carelessly somewhere off to the side, seemingly distracted. In all honesty he was a bit too smitten with how the now half-naked druid looked before him. Strong muscles moved with every breath Halsin took - flexing, relaxing again, it was almost hypnotising.

But seeing the big giant gash just under the rib cage that snaked around Halsin’s upper body ripped Astarion out of his stupor rather quickly. Deftly, he stepped around the druid once more and made sure to keep staring at the wound rather than the rest of Halsin’s body.

All the while in his head the vampire kept turning around the question why he was seemingly so affected by this man. Usually he was the one in charge, taking the lead, the one seducing and making the other party gasp in awe and admiration. He didn’t like to be caught on the backfoot.

But something about the druid drew him to that man. And he was desperate to let it happen, at least for a while. His only hope was that he wouldn’t regret letting down his guard.

What the vampire failed to realise in these moments though, was that the druid was very much just as affected by all of this. Halsin’s breath had become harder and even he himself wasn’t entirely sure if it was because of the wound sending searing pain through his body or if he was yearning to feel more of the vampire’s hands on his naked skin.

Astarion was still staring at the giant slash that had cut the druid from the side of his hip, across his stomach and even up and around to his back. It was big but at least the weapon had seemingly been very sharp and the cut didn’t seem awfully deep. Hence, it had already stopped bleeding for the most part.

Without another word but making it a point to not look into the druid’s face out of fear what the bigger elf would read on his face, Astarion turned around and grabbed the bottle of alcohol and some of the prepared bandages. He opened up the bottle and drenched some cloth in the alcohol.

Meanwhile, Halsin kept staring at the vampire’s long fingers doing their work while unconsciously biting his lip. All he could concentrate on at this moment other than feeling agony from the injury was the thought of Astarion touching him again when he’d clean up the wound - nevermind that the alcohol would make it hurt so much more.

Placing down the glass bottle, Astarion cleared his throat. For a single moment his crimson eyes flicked up to the druid’s who was waiting in anticipation. The way the bigger elf looked at him with slightly parted lips now and wide eyes had not been what he had anticipated. It irritated him enough to let his eyes immediately snap back down.

Then the vampire gently grabbed Halsin’s wrist with his free one despite it not even remotely being in the way of his task. But he had to put his other hand somewhere, right?

In the meantime, the bigger elf took in a big silent breath when he felt the pale hand loop around his wrist. How that simple gesture almost made him drop to his knees begging for more was absolutely beyond him. He tried desperately to contain himself and let the smaller elf do his work.

But he had seen some of the tension he felt reflected in the other’s crimson eyes - and the delicate tenderness. And it was already fueling whatever feelings were starting to rise up within him. Halsin gently bit his lip again to keep from letting out noise as he watched Astarion lean closer to him, bundled up bandage in hand. He saw the furrowed brows, the straight nose, one of the white curls slowly sliding onto the vampire’s forehead as he leaned in to take a closer look at the gash.

The way the dim, warm light illuminated Astarion’s perfect features made the druid almost gasp. Nature had been ever so gentle and careful to make every last detail perfect when it had crafted him.

Then, with a lot of caution Astarion touched the makeshift swab drenched in liquor to the edge of Halsin's wound. Immediately, the big man winced despite trying to brace himself and recoiled from the vampire.

Astarion hissed when the druid clumsily took a step back, then clicked his tongue again. “For nothing this is all very dramatic behaviour, don’t you think?”, the vampire snarled and narrowed his eyes at Halsin. The awkwardness and whatever other delicate feelings had welled up during the silence before was forgotten for a moment.

And now even Halsin couldn’t help but to roll his eyes at Astarion - even though he was quite grateful for a break from the tension that had been forming.

Or maybe he wasn’t, he wasn’t sure about it at the moment. All he could be sure of, was that this unlike elf had an effect on him he didn’t fully understand yet.

“This is the third time you point that out now, Astarion. I admit, it’s not nothing, alright?”, the druid said with a sigh and rolled his shoulders to try and rid himself of some of the tension there. “And I’m grateful you’re helping me. Now please, continue?”

The vampire’s gaze slowly softened again and he remembered with a pang of guilt that he had been the one responsible for all of this happening in the first place when he had provoked an unnecessary fight. And Halsin had to be the one to get him out of it again.

Astarion swallowed down the sentiment and then went back to his task, taking a step once more towards Halsin who was already bracing himself again.

But when Astarion tried to continue the druid couldn’t help but wince and stumble backwards again. For whatever reason the druid who was normally used to patching up himself and not make a fuss about it was terribly sensitive today.

Maybe because the vampire’s presence was taking part of his usual unfaltering will power away to make him think about how good it would feel to be touched more by these delicate hands.

“Alright, I’ve had it now. Sit down!” Astarion hissed in a sudden fit of impatience and with both his hands reached up to push the much taller elf down by his shoulders.

Taken aback by the sudden briskness Halsin simply let it happen and obediently sat down on his bedroll next to him. Then he sat there awkwardly, leaning back on his hands to hold up his upper body, and legs slightly angled before him. 

Astarion knelt down beside him and threw the druid another glance that almost seemed to scold the taller, stronger and older elf for his insolent behaviour. And somehow that seemed to do the trick: when Astarion went back to try and clean the wound Halsin finally was able to endure the painful process. Small strained gasps were still leaving his lips while Astarion worked quickly but precisely to clean the cut.

The vampire’s free hand was on Halsin’s thigh now that was still clad in his leather pants to balance himself while was leaning over and around the druid’s upper body. Maybe that fact was also helping Halsin endure all this. Because he kept staring at the other man’s hand that was lightly and unconsciously squeezing his thigh now. And he suddenly felt himself focusing a lot more on how close Astarion’s long fingers were to…

“There, all done”, the vampire exclaimed cheerfully and leaned back on the balls of his feet.

Halsin let out a deep breath he hadn’t realised he was holding and with quite some desperation realised that the tension he had felt before had moved southwards and was now beginning to visibly strain against his leather pants.

With a cough the druid leaned over a little, trying to cover up his arousal by placing his massive arm in front of it.

Not that he would have needed to even try. The vampire was a keen observer and had immediately noticed the telltale bulge growing under his careful touch. Even though he might have almost missed it since he’d been very much distracted by his own growing arousal while he had kept his eyes fixed on the lower body of the wood elf moving fluidly with each breath he took - despite the pain running through him.

For a moment no one said a word as both men were seemingly overwhelmed with the tension they had created in the small space - and which seemed to become ever smaller the higher the emotions were boiling.

Astarion threw the piece of bandage away towards where he had placed down the bottle earlier while he kept eyeing the druid who was still awkwardly bent over: one leg stretched out straight, the other still angled. The vampire’s tongue darted out of his mouth to nervously wet his lips as he was trying to figure out where to go from here.

Meanwhile Halsin was doing very much the same. As much as he knew about Astarion’s past he wanted to be careful not to cross a line.

Hells, he wasn’t even fully sure if the rogue felt the same way about all of this. Although a voice in the back of Halsin’s head kept insisting that Astarion was here after all and hadn’t shied away. And somehow he couldn’t bring himself to believe that the vampire would have done all of this for any other of the companions.

But Halsin’s mind kept turning: trying to contain himself, trying to think of something to say, trying to voice his feelings in a way that wouldn’t drive the other man away, trying to decide what he was supposed to do.

He kept thinking desperately while no sound except for their breathing filled the small space.

Until the vampire took the decision upon himself.

Astarion looked the druid straight in the eye, chin held up proudly. “You want me to finish the job?”

Something enticing was glinting in the pale elf’s red eyes, something that immediately made Halsin’s now full blown erection ache with the need to be touched again - more and especially down there. It was clear now to the druid that his carnal reaction to Astarion’s touch and presence hadn’t gone unnoticed. But he didn’t even care anymore.

What he saw on the other man’s face was much more important right now.

It didn’t make it any easier to find the right words though.

“Dressing the wound, I mean”, Astarion replied while cocking his head with a lewd smile after some more time of the druid’s mind racing and coming up empty-handed. Halsin was frustrated and surprisingly pleased alike by how this man seemed to be able to make a complete mess out of him with barely doing anything at all.

And that must have been visible because a haughty grin stole onto the vampire’s face, until even his fangs were clearly visible and glinting in the low lantern light.

“Yes”, the druid pressed out and with some quick words instructed Astarion on how to use the salve before he leaned back on his hands again. Immediately, the vampire went to work, scooping some of the ointment out with his fingertips and then starting to spread it across the cleaned cut with his flat hands.

He looked right in the druid’s face now who couldn’t help but hold his gaze.

Astarion was sure of what to do now. Still not sure about if he would regret it later though. But he’d realised that an opportunity had presented itself: indulge in some pleasure. And one that was unprompted even. In fact, he was very much surprised at how quickly things had gotten heated. Obviously he felt more attracted and drawn to Halsin than he had let himself believe before. Maybe this didn’t even have to be about an ulterior motive. Maybe - just maybe - he could indulge just this once and just soak up some of the pleasure he desperately craved.

He was very much a hedonist after all. The vampire was keen to start to act on it.

His hands were still applying the salve, maybe wandering and lingering a bit - or even a lot - more than necessary.

Halsin in the meantime kept staring at the vampire - his eyes flicking from his face, his eyes, his lips to his hands that gently but teasingly took care of him. The druid didn’t hide anymore how much just this already turned him on. Both men knew now where all this would lead - an unspoken truth.

After finishing applying the balm, Astarion’s dexterous hands made quick work of wrapping bandages over the treated wound and around the druid’s body. He tied it off neatly to the side just like the druid instructed him to in a hoarse voice.

Then his hands lingered. Astarion looked straight into the eyes of the other man, taking in the larger elf’s face: the scars and the tattoo, the still parted lips, his eyes.

Meanwhile the vampire’s hands deliberately wandered over Halsin’s chiselled stomach, fingertips playfully stroking over the muscles while Astarion’s mouth fell open, tongue licking over his lips and he felt his own arousal between his legs ache.

But just before Astarion’s hands could stroke down to where both men desired it the most, Halsin broke the silence once more. Before a line would definitely be crossed, he needed to know. He needed to know that this was actually what the other man wanted.

“Astarion,” he said, barely able to keep a moan out of it “why are you here?”

The vampire’s hands immediately stopped, the promising glint in his eyes momentarily drowned by insecurity, worry and fear. But he caught himself quickly again.

“Why? Well, obviously you desperately needed my-”, the vampire began teasingly, repeating what he had said earlier.

“No - why are you really here?” Halsin asked. Suddenly it felt like he was in charge of the situation again and was not distracted by his attraction to the vampire anymore.

Astarion though felt put on the spot. His eyes dropped to the ground.

His first instinct usually would have been to snark at the druid. But something in the way the giant elf looked at him with such gentleness in his eyes made him stop. And even more, it drew a very unprompted confession from him.

“Because I- Because it looks like I care for you, druid”, the vampire admitted while his eyes found Halsin’s again. He’d found his confidence again.

And that was more than enough for Halsin.

He leaned forward and effortlessly grabbed the smaller elf. Dragging him onto his lap, the movement immediately caused both their erections to rub against each other - causing both to moan in desperate need.

Halsin drank up the vampire’s breathless groan by pressing his lips to Astarion’s. They met in a passionate, open-mouthed kiss. The druid’s tongue immediately slipped into the other man’s mouth, taking it in the frantic need to show Astarion how much he wanted him.

Halsin was leaning back now, laying down on his back, his hands holding the vampire by the hips and with that movement forcing the other to place his hands next to the druid’s head while leaning over him to keep going with the wild and messy kiss.

Another consequence of this change in position was that - being dragged there by Halsin’s strong hands - Astarion was very much grinding against the larger man. The vampire felt his own dick slide over the druid’s, his groin pressing pleasantly against the other man's despite the clothing being an annoying barrier between them.

The sensation turned the vampire on so much he had to break the kiss to arch his head and back in the heedless pleasure that was suddenly hitting him like a wave in a storm. How the slowly built up tension was so suddenly turned into an inferno was almost too much all at once.

The rogue sat up until he was straddling Halsin, trying to catch his breath, letting his thoughts catch up with his body. He stared at the druid and was pleasantly surprised to see a challenge glint in the druid’s face. Astarion’s lips turned upwards in a sensual smile. With this he could work - he was more than ready to meet the other head on.

While he supported himself with one hand on Halsin’s firm abs - careful not to touch the freshly dressed wound - he let the ball of his hand wander over first his own and then the other man’s erection. Thereby drawing a low growl from Halsin whose hands were pressing down harder on Astarion’s hips now and forcing him to grind against his hardened length again. The vampire just laughed haughtily as he enjoyed how easily he could turn the massive man into a mess.

Astarion let his hands wander over the druid's body, taking his time now, to let his fingertips explore the lines and ridges of Halsin's warm body. The body of a man that had lived a whole lifetime so far - and somehow still felt like a youngster now that he could barely contain his lust.

The wood elf was basically ready to perish under the hands of this man. He wasn't sure he was going to survive what would follow still. If the vampire kept going like this he might just come undone like this.

But he yearned so much for it, hungered for more. And as he looked upon Astarion’s perfect face while he was caressing his body so tenderly, he saw the same starvation in the vampire's eyes and knew what he had to do.

With impatience the druid’s hands began to tug on the other’s clothing, eager to get it off. To feel smooth cool skin on his warmer, rougher one. And since the vampire was just as eager after such a drawn out trade of nothing but touches, glances and gasps, they both made quick work of their remaining clothes and carelessly tossed them off towards the side.

Then, Astarion was back on the druid. He allowed himself a moment to take in the marvellous, gentle man beneath him, then he immediately grabbed for Halsin’s cock and worked it with as much care as he had used to clean and dress the wounds before: he was delicate, but firm and applied just the right amount of pressure as he squeezed and stroked. He rolled his hips just a little to get some friction in unison with the movements of his hand.

Immediately, breathless gasps and moans started to spill from the wood elf’s lips. The need was just too much - this would neither take long nor would it be very elegant.

Astarion moaned contentedly, letting his head fall back while he took pleasure in pumping the larger elf’s length and occasionally pressing it against his own.

He'd been so starved and only now realised it. Already he knew he would crave this again - this messy pleasure that wasn't an act. And more than this: the delightful softness, the careful reluctance and most of all: the tender man beneath him that somehow seemed to have looked through his defences down to his very core.

And who with no further questions asked, had decided to take it upon himself to care for this hurt and broken vampire.

Halsin was holding him steady while grabbing and squeezing his lover’s backside and finally sneaking one of his large hands around to carefully slide a finger into the vampire’s entrance. And then quickly a second one when he took in Astarion’s delighted and pleased reaction of being teased like this.

He took him so well and a hellishly wicked grin was splitting the druid’s face now while Astarion gasped when he felt the deft caress. He repaid Halsin with his head lolling back, eyes closed while an expression of blissful pleasure took over his face. It made him even more beautiful, Halsin found, as he kept up his movements and the vampire worked his cock harder.

It wouldn’t be an awfully long act that much had been sure from the beginning. But when the druid was almost spent he was desperate to draw out the pleasure even a bit more. And much more important than that: make sure that the vampire would get his fair share in it too.

Halsin withdrew his fingers causing Astarion to sigh in frustration at the sudden loss. But when the druid effortlessly lifted him up again and positioned his cock - still in the vampire’s skilfull caress - at his entrance, the frustration was quickly turned into exhilaration again.

“Alright?”, Halsin pressed out while he let Astarion hover above him, pressing only the glistening top against the vampire’s entrance - being patient despite all his primal instincts screaming at him to take the other man and take whatever else he wanted.

But he needn’t wait long: the vampire eagerly nodded in agreement, removed his hand and rewarded the large elf with a sharp intake of breath when he took the druid to the hilt in one smooth movement.

The vampire’s head lolled back again as he tried to get used to the overwhelming sensation of the druid inside of him. He’d figured he’d be more than a handful and was delighted to feel pleasantly filled. Astarion’s own cock twitched again and again as jolts of pleasure ran through him just from the feeling of the druid being buried deep inside of him. Halsin watched this all with content delight while he himself was biting his lip in pleasure from the vampire clenching around his hardness. The tent was filled with groans and gasps while both of them were breathing heavily - barely able to endure the pleasure that this night had become.

But finally getting to where he needed to be so desperately had set the druid on a path that would reach its end inevitably and soon - although it would be unbelievably pleasant for both of them. He lifted the smaller elf up again until he had almost fully withdrawn, looking right into his partner’s red eyes as Astarion’s mouth formed a silent “O”.

For a moment he held him there, tasting the delicious tension and delighting in the feeling of strings stretched so far they were almost snapping on their own.

Then he let him slam down onto him again. Just this one movement being almost enough to send both men over the edge and into oblivion. Halsin repeated the motions and settled for a steady rhythm that Astarion slowly took over until it was him riding the druid, face lifted to the heavens, clenching around him time and again to draw more of Halsin’s desperate, carnal reactions out of the larger elf. It became wild, vicious almost - as the vampire felt that he was free to take what he wanted from the druid. The looks Astarion threw him with half-lidded eyes made Halsin almost feral as well.

The druid moved his arms so he was holding his lover on top of him with just one arm. With his free hand he reached for Astarion’s cock and gently started to stroke it while the pale elf kept riding him, unapologetically chasing his own high.

The vampire gasped, his head snapping back as he received even more of the other man’s affectionate and passionate attention. With the vampire eagerly continuing to drive them both up towards the stars the druid didn’t need to do much to stroke Astarion in a way that had him furrow his brows and tense even more in pleasure. With a slightly adjusted angle the rogue was almost thrusting into Halsin’s hand, enjoying his firm hand squeezing around him.

When had been the last time someone had taken care of him like this - Astarion couldn’t even remember. He was almost senseless already with pleasure and bliss. It must have been centuries since he’d been able to let himself go like this.

Not long after, Halsin felt how Astarion’s movements became ragged, uncontrolled while he became even more vocal than before - his mouth was wide open now, sharp fangs glinting in lantern light. Halsin tightened his grip on the vampire’s dick and deliberately bucked his hips upwards to push in even deeper and his lover over the edge while he himself felt how he lost grip. The vampire rewarded him with a small unwilling yelp while pleasure whipped through him with full force.

And then Astarion unravelled first: coming with his cock twitching in the druid’s hand, spilling over him while breathlessly crying out Halsin’s full name as if pleading.

His name off Astarion’s tongue was the last drop that had been needed. With a guttural growl Halsin followed his lover already drifting up towards the stars, bucking his hips a final time, to be buried as deep inside his partner as possible when he lost himself.

While both were still trying to catch their breath, Astarion rolled off Halsin to lay next to him. Immediately the druid carefully wrapped an arm around the vampire. He let it happen and snuggled up a bit to the larger man, careful still to not put too much pressure on the wound.

And so they just laid there: breathless, drained - but deeply comfortable and joyous.

Astarion was still surprised how easily and effortlessly the druid made him feel comfortable, stripped all his worries away - Hells, he even made him cuddle after the sex. But he was way too pleasantly exhausted to think about it more, he just enjoyed the warm comfort of the druid’s massive arms around him.

And the druid enjoyed the trust and the company he hadn’t dared to hope for.

“Well,” Halsin breathed out after a long while of lying in companionable silence “thanks for lending me a hand, Astarion.”

The vampire simply chuckled softly.

“I think you’ve repaid me in like, so thank you as well”, he replied with just an edge of teasing in his tone.

They shortly looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they both laughed softly. And just enjoyed each other’s company - while healing worked its magic on the both of them.

Tag list: @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess @hereliesblackdragon

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #fanfiction #bg3 spoilers #halsin #halsin silverbough #halstarion #bloodhoney #ursa minor #halsin x astarion #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion x halsin

[codfanficedits]

Final tribute

If you're looking for a sign to stay alive, this is it.

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x fem!Reader

Summary: Suicide.

Wordcount: 4968| Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: SUICIDE, mentioning of self-harm, mentioning of shoplifting, mentioning of a fucked up childhood.

A/N: Today (third of November) marks the 9 years anniversary of my best friend killing herself. It has taken me years to come over the guilt, and even 9 years later I still wonder if I could've prevented this. But I couldn't and she is gone. In a way I hope she'll live forever through me and my stories. We were teenagers, having to cope with shit that adults couldn't even cope with. I love you and even though you'll always stay 19 you're still my best friend. Until we meet again. A/N 2: If you're struggling yourself. Please know that life will be worth it, the sun will shine on you too one day, and you'll find the joy in life once more. I've struggled with suicidality and sometimes I still do. But. It. gets. better. I promise.

The silence lingers in the air as he sits on the chair next to your bed. You’re sleeping, getting some much deserved rest, but he can’t help but be angry at you. Angry for attempting, angry for not sharing what was going through your mind, angry at the professionals, for just letting you go again. But his anger gets replaced by guilt as he watches you sleep. Because if you were to die, it would’ve been his fault, at least to Simon.

Except that it wasn’t his fault. You just weren’t made for life and you knew it. Depression had been weighing you down since your teenage years, following you like a ball and chain into adulthood. No matter how much you tried, how hard you tried to fight it, it was a losing battle. A cruel dance with fate. Simon’s eyes wander around the self-harm scars that cover your body, a reminder of your battle, a reminder of every time your mind won the battle against your will to live.

As Simon’s guilt deepens, tears fall from his eyes. You always used to tell him “a cry a deep keeps the demons away.” So, he cried. You had always used your humour as a shield to cope, as a shield to keep people out of the dark abyss of your mind. No one would suspect a thing if you just kept joking about it.

It was a painful realisation – the guilt, but also the truth in those words. It was what he missed most about you, your smile, your warmth, your kindness. He misses your wisdom the most. Maybe if he had tried to understand you more, none of this would be happening. His heart ached with regret and longing.

Simon felt lost. He remembered your humour, but he could never make the thoughts leave his head. How you were always so lively and funny, but had suffered in silence for so long.

This had worried you the most. Not the dying alone part, you had made peace with dying alone a long time ago. But the failing of your plan, and how it would hurt the people around you.

He knew you hadn’t meant to hurt him, but he didn’t think he could find the way to forgive you yet. As for himself, he felt he could never forgive himself for not noticing earlier. How close you had been to death. How far he had allowed this to go, without a single moment’s notice. Not that this would’ve changed anything for you, you would’ve done it either way. With or without him noticing. The depression that had been brewing in you for more than a decade was a ticking time bomb, being set off without anything mayor happening. But this had been a messy attempt, your mind too crowded to think properly, the pain of being alive too much to bear. So you had made mistakes, mistakes that caused your attempt to fail. Mistakes that would make you hate yourself even more. Mistakes that would be carved into your skin the moment you had the chance. Simon couldn't help but feel your attempts to hide your depression had been his fault. Had he not made you believe you had to? Or was this merely some cruel trick his mind was playing on itself? He wanted to hold your hand so badly, to feel your warmth, to tell you he loved you. But you were sleeping. His guilt consumed him. He began thinking of every moment you had been depressed, every instance he hadn't helped, every time he hadn't noticed a thing. But truth be told, you would never had let him help you, your depression had been weighing you down, pulling you under the surface while you desperately tried not to drown.

But drowning is a silent thing to do.

And you, you felt as if the whole world had to be carried on your shoulders. Professionals had failed you, and friends were not made to carry such a heavy load. So you carried it all by yourself, allowing yourself to slip under the surface of the water. Simon was terrified. The idea of you suffering in silence hurt him more than he ever imagined it would. He wanted to tell you how much you affected the lives of those around you. How he had looked up to you for your wisdom, your humour, your honesty. How you had brightened his days just by being there. He also wanted to say how sorry he was for not noticing your depression sooner. But you weren't awake. So he stayed beside your bed, waiting. Hoping. Praying that you would live.

The disappointment of being alive would wash over you soon enough, and you would have to live with that disappointment, a disappointment to yourself and your friend. Your eyes flutter as you begin to wake up, the sunlight burning through your closed eyelids, the pain you feel a reminder that you’re alive. But you don’t want to open your eyes. You can’t face reality, not yet. A wave of relief washed over Simon as he felt you stir. He was still angry, worried, confused, but he couldn't keep the smile from his face. He reached for your hand, wanting to hold on to the life he had thought he lost. Wanting to hold on to you. Wanting to let you know just how much you meant to him.

"Don't leave me again."

You can’t answer him, not yet. You have to deal with the disappointment of being alive first, before you can tend to him.

Fuck

How you wished you were dead, how you wished that you had succeeded, how you wished you had finally found your peace. You turn to your side, curling up as a ball, the sobs that leave your lips are raw, violent even. As if your soul got broken open and you can’t stop your feeling from pouring out. As Simon watched you curl up into a ball, his heart ached. He could feel your hurt, your anger, your pain, and wished he could take it away from you. And he felt you needed this, this release, this raw feeling. But he also understood how much you disliked your existence. How unfair this life had been to you. How many times you had been disappointed by it all. By other people, probably. But he hoped in the end, you would know how much he appreciated and cared for you. Your tears didn’t stop, by all means they just poured harder, more violent. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why did you have to be alive? Your feelings turn into anger, angry at yourself for failing, for staying alive, angry at the universe for playing these cruel tricks. “Fuck, Simon.” You sob. “I can’t do this.” Simon felt his anger dissipate, replaced by worry. He couldn't see you this way. So hurt. So depressed. So angry at the world, at life. That anger had always been the first thing he thought of when he pictured you, but not like this. Not the world's anger. Your own. "Hey hey, it's alright." He sat down next to you. "We can get through this together. Just me and you, like always." And that was when, for a moment, he almost believed it.

But you can’t, you don’t want to. You had been trying to get through it, with him, without him. But you’re tired. Tired of trying not to drown when the world is pulling you under. So, so, so tired. “I don’t want to, Simon.” You whisper and your voice sounds tired, as if you’ve been up for days. “I can’t fight anymore.” "Stop." he whispered, his heart aching. This wasn't the reality he wanted to admit, but it was one that was hard to deny. "Please, can't you see how many people care about you? I'm not talking about friends and family, I'm talking about me. Don't you think seeing you like this hurts me?" He knew you were tired. He knew you wanted to just disappear from the world of pain and suffering. And so he tried one last time. "Don't disappoint me." You squeeze his hand, to the point that your own hand starts to hurt from the power. You could see the pain in his face. The pain you had caused. And the guilt hit you like a ton of bricks. You feel so selfish, like you always have been.

“I’m so sorry for putting you through this.” "Stop... stop apologizing." He felt you squeeze his hand, and took it as a sign of hope. Perhaps there was still a chance, even at your lowest, to fight for life. "I'm your friend. I'll always fight with you, even when you can't fight anymore. Especially then. Maybe we can learn how to fight this together." He hoped it wasn't too far gone. He didn't want to lose you to the darkness. But what would you do if it wasn’t apologizing? It was all you did. Apologizing for existing, apologizing for not being good enough, apologizing for being depressed. For being alive. You give his hand a softer squeeze. “Thank you, Simon.” You mumble. “Thank you for being here, and I’m sorry if I’ve let you down.” "You've never let me down," he whispered back. His eyes were soft, and his expression gentle. All the anger, guilt and disappointment had vanished. He was thinking of you, how hard you had tried — harder than most would. He knew this. He felt this. He couldn't blame you for wanting an escape. An escape he wished he could provide.

"Don't you see? You're the strongest person I know. You're the last person to need to apologize."

His words. No matter how kind they were. They didn't register. You understood them, they were words you could even tell to others. But those words weren't meant for you. Not to someone like you.

So you laid there, curled up in a ball, the disappointment of being alive weighing on you. But they were meant for you. They were for you. Because even when you felt broken, he saw you as strong. When you were tired, you were resilient.

"Let me come a little closer." Simon shifted closer, trying to place his hand on your arm. He wanted to hold on. He wanted to feel you. Your warmth, your touch, your comfort in his hand.

You were hurt, but he wanted to hold that warmth, hold on to you. Because it felt like a treasure to him.

"Rest," he told you. And he meant it; he wanted you to take a break. You were so tired, so full of self-destruction.

He stayed with you in that bed, even as he felt your strength slip away. He wouldn't leave you until he was sure you could fight back. You would fight back, and he would do whatever he could to help you, to make the world a more bearable place. To give the light inside your soul room to heal.

And so your first attempt ended like this. With Simon holding you.

But you were broken, broken beyond repair, and one attempt turned into two, turned into three. All while Simon's life just continued. His missions, his deployments. And there you were. Feeling like a burden again. Simon felt his heart sink with each attempt, his anger growing with each disappointment. It made him feel powerless, unable to help you get better. To show you how much the world needed you. How much he needed you. "Not again..." His voice trembled with tears, a look of desperation on his face. He wanted you to recover, but felt hopeless. He felt that maybe he had already failed you, but didn't dare think it. Because if there was a chance for you to survive... he wanted you to take it. It must've been exhausting for him too. Not knowing if a call from you was just to catch up, or if he would hear just sobs, and rambling about how you couldn't take it anymore. How he had spent hours and hours talking to you. Unable to cope with the guilt of something would've happened to you.

But he was only human, and humans can only take so much.

You look at your phone. Tears streaming down your face as you had called him. You could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing..." He sighed. "I can't take this anymore. You can't keep doing this. Can't keep hurting yourself, can't keep hurting others, can't keep hurting me."

He didn't want to shout, but for the first time his anger began to surface. He wanted to see you get better, but his hopes were dwindling. "Just... please." Simon was at a loss of words. "How can I make you feel better about all this? What do you need?"

His anger was justified. In your attempt to stay longer on this earth you were dragging him along your misery.

"I'm sorry!" You repeat again, as the tears roll down your cheeks. "I don't know Simon." You hated that you had called him, once again. He was on deployment, unable to help you.

"Can you let me go?"

Simon felt his stomach knot. "Absolutely not." He knew his anger could hurt you, but had to hold on to his hopes of saving you. Because he had promised himself he wouldn't let you escape like this.

"No. No way." He let his voice raise, his anger making him feel stronger. "I am not letting you go." He would not hurt you further, but he would also not let you give up. He had to try.

A decision was made.

And you took a deep, deep breath. "Right." You mutter. "I'm sorry, again."

You wipe away your tears. "I know you're busy. And I really don't want to bother you. But can we just talk? Talk about our time at high school?" "Always." Simon smiled softly as the knot in his stomach disappeared. He felt more hopeful now that he had gotten your attention, and felt his anger melt away. "You know you're never a bother. How I wish the only thing I had going on was to speak to you." He tried to joke, but his concern for you clouded his humour.

"Tell me the first thing that comes to mind. High school. Any memories."

A soft sigh left your lips. You could hear his concern. You could hear your heart crumble when he joked about all the things that were going on, and how you were just another add on to that pile. But you pushed it away. This phone call had to turn into a light one. One without more worries.

"Remember how we met?" You ask. "In our self-defence class. You were brand new and I was a black belt. We hit off immediately, and then it turned out we went to the same high school." A smile formed on your face. Better times.

"I remember us secretly smoking behind the building." You snicker. Simon's smile broadened, the memory coming back to him as if they were there a second ago.

"I've always wondered what would have happened if I didn't go to that class." The smile faded again, replaced by thoughtfulness, as Simon considered how different his life would have been. He likely would have never met you. "I wasn't as tough as you remember, I was just taller." He chuckled. "I remember my first day, and you told me about your past. And you asked me about my life — which I was very quiet about then. What else do you remember?" You can’t help but chuckle. "Yeah we definitely did some trauma bonding. Two people with a fucked up childhood."

You clear you throat. "I'm glad we both managed to escape our homelife."

At the mention of trauma bonding, the smile dropped from Simon's face. It was true, it was how you had bonded. And it was one of the worst ways to bond. But he knew you were still thinking about it, and didn't want to change the mood of the call. "Don't think about that," he said. "Come on now, we can't let a shitty childhood ruin our lives." He was one to talk. Running away at eighteen to join the military. You both knew that your childhood would haunt, till the end of times. But you dropped the subject. Not in the mood to ruin this phone call. "Yeah yeah." You mutter.

"I remember you sneaking out of school to shoplift a can of coke." You laugh. "I was so goddamn worried you'd get caught." "Not as worried as me." Simon laughed. "I didn't get caught, though. So my criminal record is still clean... for now." "Although it is a miracle you never got caught. I don't think I've paid for a single can of coke in my last year of high school, thanks to you."

Simon felt his spirits lift, as he recalled all the stolen sodas you and him had split. It had gotten harder to sneak them in as you went up the year grades, but you had enjoyed those stolen moments of sweetness together.

For a few moments, it was as if you were still in those high school halls. Stealing drinks, telling each other about your past, and trying to escape your family life by spending all your time together. But now you were far apart, and there were other problems in your lives. Life had changed. "God. We were idiots." You sighed. "The amount of times we skipped school just to hang in the park and smoke."

"I still don't get how we graduated." You add with a smile, the phone call was helping to take your mind off things.

"We were almost too late for our math final." "We were extremely late for our maths final," he corrected. "But it got us through, didn't it?" He chuckled nervously, thinking of how close you came on several occasions to being kicked out.

"We weren't idiots. Life was just hard." He sighed, his eyes growing softer with each word, "We just needed to find ways to escape. And somehow, we made it." He knew you were feeling better, and thought for a moment. Perhaps he did want to push you a bit, to help you heal.

Of course you remembered, life had been hard for the both of you, yet somehow he had managed better.

"Somehow we made it." You repeat. "Thanks for staying on the phone with me, Simon. I know you're busy, and I'm feeling better right now. I'll keep you updated through text, okay?" "The day you don't call me on your lowest is the day you stop being my friend." Simon tried to joke. He wanted to lighten the mood, but also make you feel wanted. It was important to him that you did not feel like a burden.

"And don't apologize. Your emotions are the most important to me... don't push them away. I just wish I could be there to hold you through it all."

"You don't have to rush." Simon added, a sense of finality to his words.

"You staying on that call meant more than you'll realise." You said. "I'll text you soon okay? Take care Simon."

You ended the call, with a soft smile. Outgoing call: 57 minutes and 26 seconds. It did you more good than you had expected.

Simon sighed. Although it had been a long call, it felt like it had gone by in a flash. He kept thinking about that joke he made, about the day you stopped calling him on your worst days. And how he didn't want that day to ever come.

He knew you had been hurt too much in your life, so he was happy to keep being with you. To keep talking, to keep lifting you up again. He thought he had succeeded, too. Maybe you wouldn't try to hurt yourself again.

"I'll talk to you later." He muttered to himself.

You did feel better. Your house got cleaner, you started going out more. No longer calling in sick to your job that often.

You snapped a pick of a sunrise, sending it to Simon. "Made me think of you." You texted before you went on with your day. A little check in to let him know you were okay. He smiled as he read the message, feeling his heart lift as he read it. It was more than just a little message to Simon. It was what he needed to see, to know you were recovering, and happy. To know that all of the time and effort he put into helping you was paying off. He wanted to tell you right now that he was proud of you, that he was happy for you. But maybe you didn't need that yet. So, he kept it to himself for now. He responded with a simple "Thanks" message.

You did it every day. Usually in the morning. Sunrises. A flower. A dog. Anything that made you happy. And he usually responded with a "Thanks." But that was enough for now.

Your therapist applauded it, and that made you happy too.

You crouched down during one of your walks. Making a picture of one of the first fungi you had spotted during her walk. You send the picture to Simon.

"First one! When is your next deployment?"

Simon was glad for the daily pictures, and did his best to keep it up. He wanted you to feel like you were important to him, so he had to try and be more attentive to your messages. He stopped in the hallway as he read your latest message.

"Uh, this weekend. For three weeks." He texted.

He wondered if he should say more, but did not want to overwhelm you. He was happy already. You were alive, and looking at flowers and fungi. You were feeling better.

Ah. Three weeks. You knew he didn't have any service while deployed. Something with safety and all that. But you didn't mind. The cold November air hit your face, and it made you feel alive. You took a deep breath, letting the crisp air fill your lungs.

"That sucks :(. I'll keep sending you the nice things I find on walks, even if you can't see them right away." You texted back.

Simon was glad you understood, and didn't want you to think he didn't care. He tried not to think about the length of the deployment, or the fact that he would likely not be able to talk to you for three weeks. But it didn't matter, because you were recovering.

"Send whatever photos you want, I won't be able to respond, but I will love looking at them." He texted. "Three weeks go by faster than you'd think. I'll be home before you know it."

You did the math. He would be gone on the first of November. And he would be back around the 22nd.

"Do you think you'll be home for Christmas? It’s been a while since we celebrated together." You texted him back.

Your text felt like a punch to the gut. It was true, it had been a while since you had celebrated Christmas together. Your last Christmas together had been two years ago, and it had been an awkward one at that.

Simon tried to put on a brave face. "I'm going to try." He texted. "If I'm lucky, I'll be back late December... maybe even early." He wondered if you would take these answers well, or if he had just made things worse.

"That's great. We'll work the details out when you're back from deployment, no worries." You texted back. There was a light spring in your step as you walked to your job. As if the weight of the world had fallen off your shoulders. "I'll text you tomorrow before you leave for your mission :)"

"Sounds good." Simon was glad to see you in high spirits again. "Talk to you soon."

You and Simon continued to exchange photos for the remainder of the week. He sent you images of training exercises, and you sent him photos of birds, and flowers. It was the highlight of both your days. On Saturday morning, the day before Simon was to depart for the mission, he sent you a voice message. He was standing in his room, as he talked.

"Hey. How are you today?" Some days you just exchanged pictures. The others you had whole conversations. But that was okay, you understood he was busy, and you didn't need his attention all of the time. You smiled when you got his voice message, it was nice to hear his voice again.

"Simon! I'm good, best I've been in a while." You answered through a voice message. "How are you? What time are you leaving?"

"I'm glad." That was always Simon's response, when he heard you were doing 'well.' He had grown to love seeing your photos, and the few conversation you had together throughout the week kept him going. He sounded excited when he spoke, and you could hear a little of the anticipation in his voice.

"Leaving in 20 minutes." He sent. "I'm feeling pretty good, to be honest. A little nervous, but I'm looking forward to the mission."

"You're a good soldier, Simon." You responded through your voice message. "Those three weeks will be over in no time, and when you're back we can go plan Christmas. In the meantime. I'll send you my daily pictures, so you have something to look at when you get back." You added in another voice message

Simon smiled when he heard you call him a good soldier. It felt nice, to be recognized. And to be seen.

He sent back one message that simply said, "Thanks."

He got ready for the mission, grabbing his gear and getting into his squad vehicle.

As he drove in quiet, he thought about planning Christmas. It felt nice, looking forward to things. Maybe you and him could go on a little trip, or do something fun together.

He was optimistic, and couldn't wait for the next three weeks to be over.

On November first you send him a picture of a sunset.

"Reminds me of you. I miss you :)"

But you got no answer, knowing he was out in a mission and had no reception.

On November second you send him a picture of a dandelion, a cat, and the moon.

"Even though we're apart we're looking at the same moon."

And again you got no answer, but you knew he had no reception.

On November third you send him a selfie, a smile on your face.

"I will miss you Simon. Take care. I will always love you. You've been a great friend. You've been my best friend."

On November third you put your phone back on your desk before you left your home. The walk to the train station was short. You had led them all on, but it was your time to leave.

You had held on to life as long as you could. But you were done. You were tired. You couldn't live another day, but at least he would have some good memories of you.

"I'm sorry." You mutter as you saw the train approaching.

One deep breath.

You and Simon always had a habit of sending photos to each other. Especially of the sky. Simon felt a sinking feeling come over him as he saw your last pictures. It was a beautiful sunset, but the words you chose had taken away much of its beauty.

"God damn..." He whispered as he read your message. "Is this what I think it is?" He started getting a thousand thoughts at once, all flooding through his brain.

What could he have done?

Should he have said something different?

You were going to be okay. You were getting better.

Nothing. Nothing could've been done. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't the fault of your therapist. No one was at fault.

Some people just weren't made to grow old, and you were one of them. Your depression had haunted you and had finally taken you to the dark abyss. You were finally at peace.

Simon tried to push away the thoughts of all you were going to miss. All of the life you were going to miss. He could not believe it. He simply couldn't. The person he tried to cheer up, was gone. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault... He kept repeating that to himself, but deep inside he knew that had always been true. He had done all he could. All he had been able to. And that would never be enough to make you stay. Simon's eyes were growing red, but he tried to keep himself strong. It had only been hours after you died, and he was already questioning everything.

"I'll remember you." He said, to no one. He thought of all of the times he tried to help you, the pictures you sent him. The jokes. the little conversations you shared. He couldn't believe it. Simon tried to dial you, to call you, to call for an answer. But he knew that there was nothing he could do now. Nothing but hope that heaven was real. Nothing but hope that he would see you again. Nothing but hope that this was all a horrible joke, a sick nightmare.

The photos of the sunset, the cat, the moon, all lay in front of him. They looked like a cruel joke. Like reality's cruellest and sickest joke of all.

You weren't supposed to end.

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #call of duty #cod mwii #cod x reader #angst #ghost x reader #ghost x you #mw2 #fanfic #angst no happy ending #tw death #tw abuse #tw self destruction #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #fanfiction #fanfics #fan fiction #ao3fic #ao3 #ao3feed #ao3 fanfic #ao3 link #ao3 writer

[girls-alias]

Break - Sam Winchester

Title: Break - Sam Winchester

Words: 1,673

Relations: Sam Winchester X Reader.

TW: Strong language, slight violence.

Prompt:

Telling Sam you're taking a break from hunting. (BASED NEAR END OF SEASON 1)

"I just don't see why you keep her around," John sighed as he pushed his way into the motel room. I scoffed but groaned when I put the tiniest amount of pressure on my leg, Sam and Dean had put my arms over their shoulders guiding me inside. I was bleeding from my thigh from the hunt, I was shot by a Djinn after John fought it. The thing grabbed his gun and tried to shoot him with it, I stupidly jumped in front of him, I wasn't saving him because I like him, I was saving him because I knew Sam and Dean would struggle to cope without their dad no matter how much of a prick he is. The boys exchanged an annoyed look as they carefully placed me on one of the beds.

"She took a bullet for you and you're saying she's a waste of space?!" Dean almost shouted in an annoyed tone. Sam was too focused on trying to stop my bleeding to even think about arguing. I was fascinated by Dean and John's argument that was sure to take place. I was always nice to John, trying way too hard to get him to like me. He'd been with us for about two months but it felt like years, it was exhausting. Always watching what I say and trying to breathe a certain way so that he might accept me. This is the last straw. I put up with his comments, disapproving looks, the sexism and never being alone with Sam. Sam and I were in a weird place. We were practically dating, always going on dates and always at each other's side but then John returned, the only thing stopping us from being happy. Since John turned up we've barely been alone together, kissed maybe once. 

When Sam said that John was toxic I didn't realise it was this intense. The kind of intense that catches in your throat. 

"She didn't take a bullet for me, she just got in the way," John argued dumping his bag on the floor. Dean scoffed in disbelief. I opened my mouth to argue and shout, anything to make him as miserable as he has made me in the past two months. I groaned, instantly tensing my whole body as Sam applied pressure in the wrong place. I swear the bullet just went deeper. John looked at me with a tut and rolled his eyes, I clenched my jaw. 

"Why did I look up to you? Why did I ever look up to you?!" Dean practically screamed. Never meet your heroes I guess. I was surprised Dean was defending me, I mean we're close but he is the last person I thought would fight John. Dean stood there red in the face, fist clenched at his side as he saw John in a new light. 

"You should stop with that tone, boy," John added showing he was getting angrier. Dean didn't even hesitate as he looked him dead in the eyes. 

"You should leave," Dean said in a straight tone. John seemed, well I don't know. It was a mix of hurt, shock and anger. He stared Dean down expecting him to shy away from him but if anything this was the tallest Dean had ever looked. John scoffed as he nodded. He walked out slamming the door behind him. Not long after I passed out from the pain of Sam and Dean trying to take the bullet out of my thigh.

I woke up to see I was in bed alone. Something I was getting used to with John around. Normally Sam and I would cuddle but now we barely even hug. I sighed as I looked over to the clock seeing it was 4 am. I looked over at the bed beside me where Dean was asleep, I sat up looked at the couch and smiled sadly when I saw Sam's feet hanging over the edge. I sighed knowing for a fact I couldn't sleep anymore. 

Hours pass and I am still alone with my thoughts. The only difference between then and now is I know what I'm doing. I'm leaving. I need a break not only from hunting but in all honesty the Winchesters too. I love Sam and Dean I do but John being around really showed me how much of a family we weren't. I called Bobby in a hushed tone to come and get me when most convenient for him and of course, he instantly started driving. I knew I would be safe with Bobby to heal and have a break. He texted when he was close by so I carefully got my stuff and woke Sam. He groaned but smiled as soon as he saw me. My leg was killing me from standing over the back of the couch.

"I thought I would best let you know that I'm leaving," I informed with a sad smile. He looked at me confused. He began sitting up. 

"Where are we going?" He asked wiping his eyes. Dean groaned in the bed behind me.

"Not, we. Sam, I'm heading out. I need a break from hunting," He went to argue but a tear escaping my eyes stopped him. He had never seen me cry before. Not many people had. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'll let you know if I get back into hunting but please don't try and change my mind or argue... I have to go," I informed giving him a longing kiss on the cheek before limping off towards Dean who was now sitting up in bed listening to the conversation. He had tears in his eyes but smiled at me. We were always best friends and it honestly hurt to leave him too. He stood up and started walking towards me. I struggled with a smile. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. 

"We'll miss you," He said sadly. 

"I know," I said cockily but joking. "I'll miss you too." I looked over to Sam to see a broken-hearted man. He seemed stunned and silent. Like he had no idea what to say. "I'll see you around," I added before continuing to limp off. It hurt to put pressure on my leg but I was never the type to stray away from pain. Once the door closed behind me my breath hitched in my throat. I hope they stay safe. I looked around to see if Bobby's truck was around but instead, I found John Winchester approaching the room. 

"Leg isn't broken I see," He commented spitefully as he approached. As soon as he was close enough I punched him square in the nose. He took a few steps back almost falling to the floor. He looked ready to hit me back but I'm not afraid of him. 

"You treat those boys like shit but since they can't choose their family they're stuck with you, do better for them or so help me I will limp, crawl, I'll even fucking drag myself out of hell to whatever shit hole you're hiding in and kill you myself," I bore gritted teeth showing my anger, disappointment and sheer rath. "Your boys are amazing and know more than you think they do. You don't have to do things alone, you need them just as much as they need you." I explained readying to beat the shit out of John if it meant he'd listen to me.

"They were kids when I lost Mary, you wouldn't know how that feels," He retaliated about to walk around me. 

"They're not kids anymore!" I shouted shocking him instantly. He stopped dead in his tracks. I wasn't sure if he was more surprised by me shouting or realising that the boys hadn't been kids for years. I might hate John but this was the first time I raised my voice at him... Surprisingly. "You might have lost Mary but they did too, they lost their mother, their childhood. And they lost their father to his obsession with revenge." I screamed and he finally looked like he was thinking about what I was saying. I knew my face was probably red from the shouting and Sam and Dean were listening to me but I don't give a shit right now. "I don't care if you're hurting, you have two sons who looked up to you and all you do is let them down every single time. You have a chance to raise those boys now, take them fishing, throw a ball around, I don't give a shit just raise them like you didn't before." I puffed the hot air from my chest and finally looked at John calmly. He had tears in his eyes, lips tight like he was trying to stop them from trembling. At least he listened to me. 

"Is everything alright here?" Bobby asked I looked over John's shoulder to see Bobby getting out of his truck with a shotgun in hand, cocked and all. 

"We're fine just having a heart-to-heart. See you around, John." I added as I began approaching Bobby. 

"Y/N," John called after me. I turned around to see him slightly smiling. "Thank you for looking after my boys while I was away," He added making me smile slightly. He quickly wiped his eye as a tear escaped and turned to go inside the motel room. I smiled looking at the closed door. I nodded slightly before making it to Bobby. He helped me in the truck and wanted to know exactly what I said to John. He loves to gossip. I laughed with Bobby but the further away I got from my boys the more it hurt. I smiled sadly when Bobby stopped the truck at his house and looked at me. His arms were around me faster than my first sob made a noise. We were in the car until I calmed down enough to get out. 

I have no idea how life works without living it for Sam and Dean.

Masterlist

Part 2

#fanfiction #fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester fanfiction #sam

[34saveme34]

Sever the Ties - another smg34 fic by yours truly

[Very excited to post this !!

CW: obviously angst, self harm (mainly once), in general a lot of death mentions, no actual deaths though

word count: 11243

Although SMG3 didn't like it when 4 helped him, he convinced him through endless whining to help clean the cafe after the chaos his USB caused (Why does that sound familiar?).

It took the whole day, both were way too exhausted. 3 sat down on one of the chairs guests would usually sit on. A lot of emotions were boiling in him.

“Whew, we’re done, finally!” 4 exclaimed, stretching his arms after completing such a grueling task.

“You didn't need to help” 3 said, contempt dripping off his words. But he was still holding back.

“It's my fault so I kind of did”

3 just sighed and got up, not wanting to further engage in conversation.

4 looked confused, but also upset.

“Dude! Not even a thanks?” he pouted

3 looked back at him, a sort of coldness in his eyes 4 didn't like to be subjected to.

“Thanks for fixing your own mistake. Now scram” he didn't yell, but he wasn't exactly calm either.

“I’m sorry… it wasn't on purpose I promise I… I hope you can forgive me, 3” 4 pleaded, looking 3’s way, his big eyes reflecting off all the sorrow he was feeling about the situation. 3 looked away but that face already made an impression on his mind. It was hard to stay mad at him.

“I know…” his voice was so gentle “This is just how it is with you sometimes, isn't it?” 3 joked, looking back at 4. 4 frowned.

“But! It shouldn't be… I’ve gotta make it up for you somehow…”

“Please don't…” 3 whined.

“I promise it's gonna be good!” 4 gave him a double thumbs up, as he left with an excited grin. 3 could feel a plan cooking up in 4’s brain, there was no way to stop him.

He shook his head, chuckling to himself.

“What did I do to deserve this?” he spoke to himself, with a stupid grin he couldn't wipe off. As he was trying to cope with the idea that 4 could ruin him further, he felt his furry son greeting him by nuzzling his foot.

“Hey there, boy!” as if he was absolved of all worry, he lifted Eggdog in his arms, hugging him. He earned excited barks for it.

“At least I have you” he petted him then put him down. He still felt kind of bittersweet.

He left to his evil lair, and immediately hit the bed. He felt too emotionally unavailable for the shower right now. The bathroom in general. Walking by the mirror in there simply made him feel dread. He didn't think he could develop such a repulsion towards his own image. His whole living place kind of became hell for him for this reason.

He couldn't sleep, it just wasn't working. He got up. His clock read 2 AM. He sighed. Something was on his mind.

“I should get rid of them…” he stared at the statue of himself. Every second that passed as he stared at it, he felt he couldn't even get out of his own merch’s shadows. It all made him feel sick. He got up, and started throwing out everything that used his likeness. All the plushies, cardboard standees and other merch he still had on hand. Not the statue, not yet. He had something special for that.

He put all the merch in a pile and lit it all on fire. It was sad to see but he felt relieved in some way as well. They had been haunting him for weeks at that point. Although the amount of money he spent on these was kinda sad to see go. Just another financial mistake of his, these felt common for him at this point. And it started so well too, with how much he got his hopes up, he plummeted that hard. He barely even realised he started to cry. He wiped his eyes, trying to compose himself but he only started crying more, and not so softly anymore. His breathing wasn't calm either, his brain felt like melting. So much pain in him, trying to turn him into nothing. He looked up at the sky, wondering where he could have gone wrong.

It took him a bit to calm down. He was glad that everyone was probably asleep at this point. The sadness slowly turned into twisted anger. He got up, walking up and down beside his fucked up bonfire, trying to calm himself.

“What did I even do to deserve this? I’ve been trying so hard- I went through so much! I thought I worked enough on myself to have a good life now” he stared up at the sky, as if he expected the stars to have an answer. But they were deadly silent.

“GOD DAMN IT, GIVE ME A REASON” he screamed, still staring up, as if blaming some sort of god for the way he was now. He was once again crying. He harshly sat down. It hurt but at least he wasn't only feeling his emotions that way. The thought made him stop, as he slowly looked to the fire, perhaps bad things forming in his brain. The more he looked at it, the more the fire made an impression on his brain. The way it was so strong, going up but dissipating soon too. It kind of reminded him of himself. Would anyone miss him if he became one with the fire?... Or  was he too much of a coward? He pulled off one of his gloves, his expression still wore sadness. He pulled his sleeve slightly up, not wanting it to catch fire. He reached in. It was kind of overwhelming. His mind felt empty from the pain. He pulled back suddenly as the pain really settled in him,even if it hadn’t been there for that long, crying out again. He couldn't believe it, he was crying again… Why was he such a failure?

“...3?” he heard a soft voice come from behind him, all too familiar. His heart sank. He couldn't look.

“...3! What… What's wrong?” the voice came closer, it seemed he was not getting off the hook with this one.

“Why are you here?” 3 spoke, his voice was strained from the crying.

“I couldn't sleep because of our link… I could feel something was wrong…” 4 kneeled down beside 3, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 3 wasn't sure how to feel. His hand was hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Why did he have to be so fucking stupid?

4 grabbed his burnt hand. But he didn't say a thing. He was gentle too, he could see how much it hurt. 4 sighed softly and pulled 3 up.

“Wait, what the hell are you doing??” 3 tried to get away, pulling himself from 4’s grip.

“I want to help. This can't continue”

3 stared at him, so many thoughts attacking him. He felt awful.

“Like you could do anything, dipshit!”

4 was about to look offended but visibly held back.

“If you let me, I can. Please, 3… You know I care about you, right? It's awful to see you like… like this” he grabbed 3’s shoulder firmly, once again beginning to pull him back.

3 sighed.

“You won't let me go, huh?”

“Never ever” 4 smiled at 3, trying to be hopeful. 3 cared too… He really did.

4 took him inside then searched around everywhere he could to find something to treat 3’s burns. As he looked around, that's when he realised all the merch was missing. Their absence made him feel kind of uneasy. He thought for a bit then called Meggy.

“It's 4 in the morning” she sounded upset.

4 went outside, leaving 3 alone inside the cafe. 3 looked his way, but he didn't feel like going after him.

He was on the phone for a bit, probably about a few minutes. 3 didn't go outside but still stared the entire time. 4 came back inside after putting his phone away.

“I called Meggy, she has stuff for your burns”

3 frowned.

“You didn't need to-”

“What were you doing anyways?”

3 looked down, not wanting to look at 4 as he said those next few words.

“Burning merch”

4 was shocked. That's when he put together that what he saw then was all the merch burning.

“What?... What for?” 4 sounded so sad. It killed 3. He wished he could smile at him again.

“No one wanted them anyways, and I hated staring at them only catch dust”

“Still… I… has it really been this bad?”

“I’m surprised you didn't notice…. Then again, you're not exactly best at catching on things”

“Hey I-...” 4 looked down “I guess you're right”

Neither looked at the other. The tension…

Meggy stepped inside the cafe, which got both out of their sudden silence.

“Hey, guys, I brought some burn ointments, I came as soon as I could!”

“Why do you have it anyways?” 3 asked.

“You never know when you might need it!... And my time in the kitchen often leaves me with burns-”

“Fair enough” 4 commented, nodding. It made sense, Meggy is a shitty ass cook. 

4 and Meggy treated 3. 3 was kind of glad they stopped questioning why this even happened. He really really didn't want to talk about it.

“So” 4 started. Oh no.

“What?” 3 didn't dare look at either of them, playing with the bandage they put on his hand.

“What's wrong, SMG3?” Meggy folded her arms, looking concerned. 

“He burnt his merch” 4 told Meggy since 3 was rather silent.

“What??” even she was shocked. 3 was starting to feel like an utter clown, this was torture.

“Yeah… and I feel like it's my fault…” 4’s voice was filled with sorrow. 3 perked up for that, staring at 4 with an expression that was hard to read. It slowly turned soft though.

“It's… not actually” 3 sighed. It was his own fault. 

“I-... I think I still want to help… especially because I think I found something that could help your business out”

3 looked at him confused and scared. Whatever was in this man’s mind could only lead to bad things.

4 took his phone out and showed a picture of a billboard. It had the number on it to call if you wanted to rent it.

3 looked at the picture. Back at 4. Back at the picture, back at 4. He tilted his head. Meggy looked confused as well.

“You could advertise like this!”

“4… I hate to break it to you but I don’t have that kind of money right now”

4 shook his head.

“I’ll pay for it!” 4 pumped a fist into the air cheerfully. He was serious about this.

3 went so wide eyed, not even sure what he was supposed to say.

“THAT’S A LOT OF MONEY, YOU IDIOT???”

“3’s right, 4… that’s a rather big commitment”

“I don’t mind it!”

“The fuck you mean you don’t mind it??” 3 was rather flustered now. The grand gesture proposed to him made him feel all sorts of things.

“I wanna make it up to you, 3… for all the times I had mistreated you” 4 put a hand on 3’s shoulder. 3 was so flustered he didn’t even know what to say anymore. He wasn’t used to being treated so special. 

“Damn, that’s so sweet of you 4, I wish you cared about me this much” Meggy teased 4, 4 didn’t seem to get what she was going for. She didn’t feel like elaborating. 

“Are you sure?” 3 finally got some words out. Didn’t mean he looked any less flustered though.

“Yeah! You deserve it, man!” he patted 3 on his back then pulled him close by the shoulder. It seemed 4 was rather touchy today. And Meggy started to feel awkward about third wheeling. 

“So, guys, I’m gonna go back to sleep now, you’re welcome for my help” she waved them goodbye quickly. It was so interesting to see the 2 get along in their own ways but she still felt like she was intruding on something she shouldn’t.

3 felt like he was left to succumb now that he was left alone with 4. He couldn’t believe that he wished for Meggy to stay longer.

It took everything in him but he just couldn’t… he couldn’t keep it in. He hugged 4. It took a bit but 4 hugged back. They were silent, the hug was long. He wasn’t exactly a fan of affection but 4 got the best of him. He couldn’t help it at this point. 

“You sure are affectionate today” 4 teased 3 softly.

“Not my fault”

“Heh… is it mine?” 4 grinned.

“Yeah yeah” 3 pulled 4 away gently “And now it’s over”

“Thanks, your hugs are nice”

“You do realise how that sounds, right?”

“Well… Sometimes you’re a little gay with the homies, right?” 4 joked. 3 facepalmed. 

“Whatever…”

They stood around for a bit before 4 spoke.

“Say… will you be able to sleep like this?”

3 didn’t even think of that. With the way he got, he almost thought today would be his last day.

“Uh… I don’t know, I probably just… won’t”

4 squinted at him, having none of his bad behaviour.

“No way”

The 2 stared at each other, 3 looking kind of angry, especially since 4 didn’t budge.

“What are you gonna do, beat me to sleep or some shit?” 

“No… That’s mean”

“It’s not like you would cuddle me to sleep-” 3 said. He already said it and he couldn’t take it back. The words he didn’t mean to just put out there but now 4 knew. He knew that 3 considered cuddling him to sleep.

“Not a bad idea… then in the morning we can start on preparing for that billboard!”

3 grew so red.

“I DIDN’T SAY I WANT TO”

“Then why did you bring it up?”

“And why are you so for it?”

4 blushed himself, now that he thought about it further… It was a pretty weird idea.

“This once?” 4 pleaded, with those loser puppy dog eyes. 3 sighed.

“Fine”

“Though… you should shower first”

“Being picky now, aren’t we?”

“I can help you with that too” 4 smiled, feeling kind of powerful that he could tease 3. He got slapped. He realised it was kind of deserved.

“Fine, I'll shower. Very VERY far from you”

“I was just joking! I swear!”

3 sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t believe he could be this close to this idiot.

3 showered and came back to 4 by his bed. It was kind of weird but he also sort of looked forward to it. In like a weird, twisted and awful way. He looked away from 4 to the statue he had of himself. It filled him with dread.

“Hey, 4, before we sleep… can you help me bring this out of here?” he pointed at the statue.

“Is it really necessary right now?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with it around”

4 got up, guess there was no other way. They moved it out of the room together, although they had to take it apart a bit so they could fit it out of the door. For the night, they left it in the cafe lounge, he would worry about it later.

Now came the time to sleep. 3 got kind of flustered at 4 opening his arms for him to sleep there. He didn’t even let him go far away, keeping him close, as if he didn’t want to ever let him go… Only 4 knew that that thought was kind of accurate. It was so so uncomfortably comforting, 3 fell asleep pretty fast. If it wasn’t so weird, he’d ask to do this more.

Next day came by, 3 was slow to stir awake. He kind of didn’t feel like getting up. The warmth of 4 was a bit too nice… What the the fuck do you mean? Get yourself together! 3 wriggled himself out of 4’s hold and went to the bathroom to splash his face with water. He had to get himself together.

But man… He still missed it. How could he even cope with this?

He went back to his room and sat beside the still sleeping 4. He still couldn’t believe 4 just cuddled him last night. He thought he would never do something like that. It kind of intrigued him in a way. He wondered if he made this side of him trigger with what he did last night. He frowned, thinking of the possibility. He didn’t want to hurt 4. At least… he hoped he didn’t want to hurt 4. The idea made him kind of sick. 

He only realised how intensely he was staring at 4 when he woke up, his eyes meeting his own. He suddenly turned away, as if he hadn’t been looking at 4 for who knew how long at that point. 4 smiled about that, he was glad to see that 3 cared. Although he didn’t speak up about it… It was still too early for him. He lightly tugged on 3’s arm.

“What?” 3 looked at him unamused.

“Coffee?” 4 requested with one simple word.

3 just stared at him. 4 frowned.

“Pretty please”

3 rolled his eyes, he got up and went outside to make one for 4. 4 took that time to still relax in 3’s bed. He didn’t think it would be so nice sleeping beside 3. Although the idea was spontaneous and if the circumstances were different, he wouldn’t have done it… But his need to see 3 okay won him over like this. 

3 was brewing the coffee, while it was going, he phoned some dude up, apparently from the dark web. As soon as he put his phone down, a shady dude came out from the floor and took the disassembled statue, leaving a few coins behind for a fair trade. 3 picked them up. At least he could get a little money out of his sudden spring cleaning. 

3 went back down to 4 with the coffee, made to 4’s liking, he knew his taste pretty well at this point. Even if he didn’t have a lot of customers anymore, 4 would still come every once in a while. 

4 took the coffee, taking a sip, he hummed with delight.

“Great as always” 4 commented, drinking more of it. 3 was glad that even if his business was dying, he still managed to make banger coffee that 4 liked.

“Thanks”

“No no, thank YOU”

“Whatever, you’re welcome” 3 smiled, folding his arms.

“Hey… don’t you wanna come beside me” the warmth radiating off of 4 was quite beckoning.

“What would I for? Not like I have business with you”

4 deflated.

“You kinda do, considering what we talked about yesterday…” 4 pulled out his laptop “I guess you don’t want to save your business?” 

3 went wide eyed. He accepted defeat and sat beside 4. 

“So… we should probably put together your ad!” 4 exclaimed “Now I uh… I had this idea for a while… and I made some mock ups!” 4 said and opened up a folder that held a few images.

They weren’t exactly well drawn and 4 didn’t have the most legible writing. 3 often had to lean in close to see them. After looking at them all, he looked at 4 and chuckled.

“I see graphic design is your passion” he teased.

“I did this for you!”

“They look like shit”

“Nooo,,”

“What were you even trying to write here?” 3 opened one of the images back up.

“It’s-! I… I don’t remember? Ahaha” 4 laughed awkwardly. 3 rolled his eyes, somehow not believing this idiot could make himself look even less smart. 

“Let’s start this again…” 3 got up and brought back a pen tablet. 

“Didn’t know you had one of these”

“I got it not too long ago actually! It’s great to use” 3 took 4’s laptop in his own lap and plugged in his tablet.

“Uh-” 3 started “ do you mind if I download the software for it? It works better that way”

“Sure, go on… just don’t get me viruses!”

“I’m not as much of an idiot as you are!”

“You sure like grilling me today”

“It’s just what I do” 3 laughed. 

After he downloaded the software and set it up, he started to mock something up in ms paint, aka man’s best friend. Nobody does it like you, my dear, Microsoft paint!

It actually looked better than what 4 did, although the tablet definitely played a part in making it better. 4 noticed it was an advertisement for a job.

“You want to hire?” 4 pointed it out.

“Yeah… I think it would be the solution”

“Huh… wait” 4 inspected it more “That’s… not a lot of money for this kind of job”

3 frowned.

“I… I know but I can’t currently offer more”

“Man.. are you really that broke? You can come stay with me if you wa-”

“No way. Never”

“Okay…”

“You’re really obsessed with me…”

“I… I’m just worried about you… yesterday made me realise how I could easily lose you if I didn’t well… yeah”

3 shut up for a bit.

“... I was afraid you’d say that”

The 2 stayed silent for a bit. Lots of feelings around the 2.

“I’m honest though, man, I care a lot”

“I know already ugh just… yeah… I’m sorry, I should be glad you’re helping me”

4 chuckled.

“I’ll still take constructive criticism, but ONLY if you’re not too mean”

“I can try” 3 laughed.

They continue to perfect the ad. It turned out pretty pathetic in the end but at least it got the message across.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a while since they put the ad out. The more time that passed, the more it felt futile. 3 felt worse than ever, not only did he have a dying business, he also had 4 spending so much money on him and for what? He felt like shit. It was hard to force himself to keep the cafe at least a little clean. And keeping up with daily routines had never been so hard either, as much as it was then. It was killing him from the inside. He wondered if it was even a good idea for him to move there and start this.

However each time he was slowly succumbing to the dark, 4 pulled him out and helped him. He sort of became an unofficial worker in a way. 3 hated that. Not only did he spend so much money on him, he also helped him around without asking for compensation. It made him feel weak, as even this much help didn’t pull him out of it.

It was especially an awful day. He didn’t even try to open the cafe, he just stayed in his room with the lights off. It had been weeks at this point and there still wasn’t anybody coming to help him out… He wished he could’ve done better. But maybe he was just destined to be a miserable shadow of someone better… 4, he was… great. 3 wished he had half the success. The jealousy in his brain had only been growing. He always tried to push it to the back of his mind for the sake of 4, he didn’t want to hurt him. 4 was too great for something like that. He didn’t want to further bury him in his own burden. 

“3? Are you in here?” he heard 4 call out to him from the elevator. He just couldn’t stay away from 3, no matter how many times it seemed reaching out to him wouldn't work out further.

“I’m fine” 3’s voice was muffled by the fact that he was underneath the covers, his face smothered in his pillow.

4 frowned as he walked up to 3’s bed. He sat beside 3. He hesitated for a bit but leaned down to hug 3. 3 didn’t want this… He loved it.

“3, c’mon man I’m…. I’m sure someone will answer your ad soon enough! It’s too early to give up”

“4… listen” 3 sat up, pushing 4 off of himself “I’m… I’ve failed. I don’t get why… you just don’t give up on me at this point. What’s the point of helping me if it doesn’t lead anywhere?”

4 could only stare shocked, not wanting to admit that those words were just uttered to him.

“You can’t say that…”

“I’m right, 4… I think it’s too late for me… just… just let me rot here”

“But… I don’t want to”

“Leave”

“3…”

“Why don’t you get it? It’s futile. I’m not worth it, 4. There’s so many better things and people you can put all this energy into”

“You’re.. you’re…” 4 was lightly shaking, he was really upset by that “You’re more…” tears slipped and streamed down his face.

“Look at you… I’m the reason you’re like this” 3 admitted “It.. genuinely might be better for you”

“WHY do you WANT ME TO STAY AWAY SO BADLY???” 4 got up, upset, crying, accusing, tired. Exhausted. 

“BECAUSE I DON’T DESERVE YOU AT ALL, YOU’RE STRUGGLING BECAUSE OF ME”

“I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO HELP FOR ONCE”

“IT WOULD HELP IF YOU LEFT ME ALONE”

“AND LET YOU ROT??” the tears wouldn’t stop coming, only becoming more intense.

“YES, IT’S WHAT I DESERVE”

“NO! NO! NO! NO IT’S NOT TRUE” he cried, not sure what to do or say anymore. 

“Just… leave… it will be better for the both of us. Make your funny videos”

4 felt almost betrayed, it seemed no matter how hard he pressed, he couldn’t get through 3 anymore. He left, feeling undone in a sense. Yes, the situation had been draining him quite a bit but he did it for his friend, his friend who he really really cared about! A friend he would give the whole world for if he could. And yet, here he was, leaving because he kept failing 3. He felt like shit. Of course when he wanted to be there for 3 fully and help him achieve his dreams, that’s when things would turn this sour. 

He might have gone back to his room now but the inspiration wouldn’t come. The thought that he failed 3 just occupied his mind too much. He knew how bad it was to miss uploads but he just… He couldn’t do this. He decided to release a community post, saying that there would be a bit of a hiatus until he was able to resolve something. He sighed, trying to look for a way to make things better. He wondered if he should really just stop. If 3 was right about the fact that he just needed to stop and leave 3. But the more he stayed away, the more it felt like the whole in his heart, the place 3 took for himself only got bigger. Like a fatal wound.

It had been days since he was told to leave 3 alone. He decided to check on him again, even if by force, he would make something happen. He entered 3’s lair, looking for him but finding nothing. His room looked as messy as ever, nothing was that out of the ordinary. Except for the fact that 3 wasn’t here. 4 started to grow more and more worried. 3 was gone. 3  WAS GONE. WHERE. IS. HE? 

He alerted his friends, who also came to help, though not everyone. Just Meggy, Tari, Saiko, Mario, Luigi and Melony when she wasn’t sleeping. They searched and searched, especially 4, it was almost like he never stopped searching. Day and night he would go to the cafe and look around, often he didn’t even sleep in his room if he would sleep at all. It was the only thing he had of 3 in that way, although it wasn’t as comforting as he wished it to be. But it was more than nothing and he should be grateful. Although it was kind of silly, he looked through the burnt merch, and while he found nothing in tact, he found a plush that was still recognisable. Just seeing it made him cry. He kept it. It turned into a charm for him, not his good luck charm, rather his charm of hope. Hope for the idea that 3 is still out there and that he would be able to find him.

He was reaching the end of his ropes, but then he realised. He could reach out to 1 and 2 for help! Yes, that’s it… He called the 2, scared, they could tell based on his voice that things were NOT good.

“So… you don’t know where he went?” 1 questioned.

“I… yeah… but I… I can still feel that he’s still alive… I know it”

“Alright, we’re gonna teach you a bit of a complex move to help you track down SMG3. You… really need to concentrate. And calm down” 2 looked concerned.

“Yeah, you look super tense” 1 commented, also concerned.

“Sorry sorry… I just really care about him”

“Yeah… He is your partner after all” 2 pat him on the shoulder “it’s only natural”

“He’s also… my friend” 4 could cry all over again. He didn’t think that one day he would be here, feeling dysfunctional at the thought of SMG3 of all people leaving him behind. And yet…

The 2 both grabbed 4’s hand, trying to channel for him. 4 tried to take a deep breath to concentrate. This was for 3… He would do anything for 3. He couldn’t fail him again. 

Suddenly, 4 felt sharp pain in his stomach, which made him fall to the ground.

“Are you okay??” 2 looked worried, 1 was too.

“I’ve never seen something like this happen…”

“Huh?” 4 looked up, shocked at the revelation.

“This shouldn’t be possible” 2 noted as well. This only made 4 more visibly worried.

“Not possible?” 

“Look… I think we should try again” 1 sighed, he knew it had to be done “As much as I’d rather not, I want to try and see… if we can figure it out”

4 nodded, not really fighting it. If it meant they could find 3…

They once again all held hands, and it happened again.

“Hmmm… he only wants you” 1 noted.

“How do you know that?” 2 looked at him, also puzzled.

“I was paying attention to the force stopping us. It was clearly pulling 4 away from us, not the other way around. It only wants you”

“But I- How do I do it on my own?”

“We’ll help from- from here” 2 tried to reassure 4.

“We can’t lose hope yet” 1 also tried.

4 had a headache coming on at this point but he persisted. He wanted to see 3 again and make sure he wouldn’t come to harm’s way ever again.

“Okay… yeah, you’re both right” 4 tried to concentrate. Linking his own hands kind of helped, almost like making a loop link. He closed his eyes. It felt like he was transported in a different place.

He couldn’t see anything much, beside a shadow resembling 3. The shadow knew he was there and that he wanted answers. It didn’t speak directly, only whispers but seemingly not coming from the shadow entity directly. The whispers were incomprehensible yet somehow 4 was still given an image in his head, it burned into his mind. The scenery of a castle that felt impossible. It felt familiar to him in a way. It bared resemblance to Peach’s castle that once stood proud and tall but missing important things, looking like an abandoned version of it. With dark energy emanating from inside.  But he could feel it… 3 was there. Waiting for him. He… He wanted him to come? But… Only him… nobody else… He would have to…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He sat up, he didn’t realise it before but he was put in a bed.

“Hey, you’re finally awake!” 2 said coming beside him.

“What… what happened?”

“The move drained you and you passed out” 1 said, also noticing that 4 woke up “What did you see?”

“It was a castle but… he wants me to go alone”

“What, alone?” 

“That’s just…”

“I have to” 4 stood up from bed “I think… I guess we have a score to settle”

“Are you sure about this?” 1 asked.

“I’m… I am, yeah. What’s the worst that could happen anyways?” 

“A lot can happen”

“At least I’ll see him again” 4 got up and left the 2 SMGs without another word. Both concluded that 4 truly grew desperate. 

4 left on his own, well… Not entirely. He had memes just in case something went wrong. Or if he had to escape a life or death situation. Anything felt possible at this point. He even started to make peace with the idea that he’d get badly hurt anyways. At least he’d be able to see 3 again… maybe with his last breath, he could hold him again… Although that might have sounded a bit too sad. His biggest wish was still to take 3 home and make everything work out again. Turn everything back to normal… What was normal anyways?

He arrived at the entrance of the castle. It was boarded up. He thought for a bit… How should he get through this? Although he didn’t like the trend, he summoned a tik tok, one of those where the food on a plate had bites taken out of it to the beat of a song and then the plate as well. The tiktok managed to chew off the boards to the beat. At least it was useful for once.

He went inside, it was oddly dark, though he could tell it was supposed to resemble Peach’s castle to an extent. but rooms seemed to be missing, which made the main hall even bigger than it was before. The emptiness of it was slowly making 4 anxious… No, he had to keep moving! 

He didn’t have a flashlight with him, which made it a bit hard to explore. But he moved along anyway, concentrating. He could feel 3. He knew he had to be there. He felt infinitely close. As he moved around, he noticed eyes. Eyes were staring at him and only him. More and more of them. Paying attention to every little movement he was making. Not only that, they felt uncomfortably familiar. He didn’t like thinking about it… He didn’t want to go back to the day he lost so much. He felt more and more anxious. 

But the eyes would only stare. But  even if they were only staring, they had him surrounded. It felt like that day, feeling so isolated against your will. Being forced into solitude, something you never wanted in the first place.

He sat down on the ground. He didn’t know what he should do.

“Are you here?” 4 called out softly, his voice shaky. He was way too nervous from this.

He didn’t get an answer back. Only eyes that came closer and closer to him, closing in… Until it was all dark.

It was all dark until a screen was put in front of him. It was bright from being all white, 4 took a bit to adjust to it. There was text on it in black.

“Scared?” it read “Don’t be. It’ll be over soon”

4 looked terrified. Over soon? Will he actually die here? Sure it was a thought that crossed his mind but- but he wasn’t ready for this!

“I just want him back…” 4 sobbed, tears rolling down his face.

“How selfish” the text read. 

“I want him back so I can fix things… make it up to him”

The screen went blank for a bit. It left 4 more nervous.

“3… I uh…” 4 panicked, not knowing what to say “You know- we need you, man. The crew isn’t the same without you! You’re important!”

The screen still did not show an answer. 

“What should I do…” 4 didn’t know anymore.

“Leave” the screen showed simply.

“No… That’s the one thing I can’t do. Not anymore” 4 grabbed the screen, finding something within himself to keep going “I can’t leave without him”

the screen shone bright, covering 4 in brightness, pulling him inside. 

After a whole black room, he was inside a whole white room. Somehow it still felt the exact same, even if he could see now. 

4 thought about what meme could help him in this situation. His mind drew a blank. What was he supposed to do in a blank room? He got up and walked around. Maybe he can find a weakness to this room. He pushed around, finding the edge of the room. He pushed with all his might. Although he wasn’t very strong. Then he got an idea.

He pulled out Beeg.

“Grow, boy!!” 4 commanded him with a big, determined smile.

Now usually Beeg wasn’t one to listen but knowing what was going on, he grew bigger and bigger, pushing at the room more than 4 could ever. 4 cheered him on. 

The room collapsed, they were… they were inside the same room where… Oh. Memories.

Beeg shrunk and went back to 4. 

He walked up to the table in the room. It felt just like the one in his old home. It was furnished similarly, even with the demonic keyboard. He resented looking at it. The fact that he got it made him feel awful all over again. Maybe it really would have been better if he just died there… But 3 saved him. Now it was time for payback. 

“So, what do you want me to do?” he called out. 

He looked around, seeing no one around. Or that was what he thought until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around but he saw no one. He felt confused… Then he could feel a poke at his side. He looked, nothing. Another poke coming from the other side. He looked, still nothing. And then another. Then another. Faster and faster until he was more annoyed than scared or confused and was also starting to feel a bit dizzy. He swore he could hear laughing.

“Hey! This isn’t funny!”

The poke attack suddenly stopped, as the monitor on the table turned on, which caught his attention. It had his editing program opened. The clips, pictures and sounds that were in the library were all too familiar to him.

“Is this some kind of sick joke? You know I couldn’t make that video by myself!” 4 was rather annoyed again. Why did he have to relive this again? He sat in front of the computer but didn’t touch the keyboard.

“And why is this thing here? Do you really expect me to work with it? I… I don’t want to go back to my lowest point”

The keyboard emanated an energy that made 4 feel so scared. He forgot how it can… manipulate you. He was about to reach for it but- he had to stay strong! This could not be the end of his story. Not the end of THEIR story. With 3. He knew… There had to be a way. If 3 saved him before, he had to pay back. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it was his fault for 3 being gone. 

He grabbed the keyboard and broke it in half. It screamed in its eldritch ways, releasing black blood. There was a lot of it. The monitor turned off.

“You’re not getting me like this! I don’t want a perfect video, I want you!”

4 stopped for a second. Only after saying it did he realise how odd that sounded. But he meant it. No matter how uh… not so straight it sounded.

He got up, looking around the room. He couldn’t wait for whatever entity was around to mess around with him even more.

He noticed a camera following his movement. He got close to the camera, trying to see if he could find a source or reason for it. 

“You think I’m gonna feel shame for being broadcasted?” the camera turned around, instead showing footage it recorded. It had a lot of 3’s rants to himself. How many times he was stuck being the loser out of the 2 of them. How even when they turn out to be friends, he got the shorter end of it all. How everything around him only seemed to fall apart. Especially… when he and 4 got even closer. 4 felt shocked. He never knew he could feel this much emotional pain but… here he was… Being shown that he was only a source of failure for 3. 

The screen of the camera turned off after it finished showing everything.

4 didn’t know what to do with himself. He… He didn’t know he hurt 3 so much. He felt so miserable. And conflicted, would it really be best for them to… part ways? 

He stared at the turned off camera, trying to just… process everything.

The camera turned on again, although the screen was black but something seemed to move closer, like a dark shape, the dark shape reached out, in the form of a hand. 4 panicked and quickly backed away from the camera. The room went dark on the side of the camera, but the figure, although dark, was still noticeable through the dark. Especially for those red eyes. Those iconic red eyes… this was no doubt 3. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 4 cried. 

“I did now” 3 spoke, his voice echoey, coming from all directions.

“What… What happened to you?” 4 was so scared. So devastated.

“I embraced the shadows… If you don’t fit anywhere else, why leave?”

4 didn’t know what to say, all he could do was cry.

“I wish I could’ve been there for you more, 3”

“You only would’ve ruined things more”

“But-”

“Now leave… or I’ll do something awful”

“You-” 4 was having none of that “I… I’m standing by what I said. I’m not leaving without you”

“Well, if you say so” 3 walked up to him, grabbing his hand. It was cold… It felt uncomfortable.

“Huh- What happened to you? Why… is your hand so cold?”

“What, you miss soft SMG3’s warm little hand or something? You miss when I held back?”

“What- What are you saying?”

“I’ve always felt miserable. This” he held his hand, intertwined with 4’s hand “Has made my life hell”

“Our… Guardian link?”

“Exactly” 3 squeezed 4’s hand but it wasn’t comfortable. Somehow there was still something behind it. Something that gave 4 hope.

“Well, it’s something we have to live with, of course it’s not gonna always be a great time! It doesn’t mean you need to destroy the world over it” “It can be broken”

“What?”

“Our link can be destroyed and I know how to do it”

“WHAT??”

“I CAN FINALLY BREAK AWAY FROM YOU”

“DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THIS MUCH???”

“THE OPPOSITE, YOU IDIOT”

“What..?”

“This link… This link gave me feelings I never wanted. I never wanted to feel nice about being close to you. It made me feel awful. Each fucking time. Yet I let you in, because this stupid fucking link made me weak about it. This stupid guardian link is at fault…”

3 gripped on 4’s hand even harder.

“3… no if- if you destroyed it- WE DON’T KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN, THIS IS SO SELFISH OF YOU”

“WELL FUCK, LET ME BE SELFISH SOMETIMES, YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

Some sort of red-black energy appeared around the 2, and familiar marks appeared on 3. The energy 4 could feel was familiar too… and scary.

“Anti meme energy..? Where-”

“You’re right” 3 laughed “In the end it’s truly the answer to all my misery!”

“No! 3! This is too dangerous! What if you got hurt??”

“I’ll take the risk!”

slowly, the marks appeared on 4 too. 3 was too strong… holding him back took everything in 4 and it still wasn’t enough.

The moment the link between the 2 was severed. It felt like 4 died. He didn’t but it felt like he did. Something beautiful inside him was gone now. the marks turned black, his hand was too.

He could barely stand, falling on his ass.

3 didn’t seem better. Even if he had the power of whoever was on his side now, it still didn’t change the fact that he got rid of something in himself that was deeply inherent to him. 

The 2 just laid there, facing each other. The pain they felt made it too hard to move. 

The emptiness 4 felt was unbearable. Even if he was able to get up, he didn’t know what he would do. He really didn’t anymore. He wondered if this was meant to happen.

3 took a while himself, he was clearly hurt, even when he got up. He moved slowly, pain in every step he took. He didn’t dare look 4’s way. He was wondering if it was only the pain or if he actually began to regret what he had done. He didn’t feel like figuring it out, so he left the room, leaving 4 by himself. 

4 just laid there. Maybe he should just… not do anything… What was it worth anymore?

He closed his eyes, thinking about everything that happened in his life. All the memories, friends he made. All the time when he thought he made amends with 3, only seemingly repeatedly stabbing him in the back instead. Honestly, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself anyways knowing that he did that. Maybe he was being dramatic but… Whatever.

It felt like an eternity when he heard commotion from outside. He didn’t really care to check. He kind of embraced death at this point.

“4!! SMG4” he heard a voice he did not care to check.

“OH NO!” another voice came right beside him “I think he’s still alive- let’s take him back”

He was too tired to protest, even if he didn’t want to go.

The journey home felt kind of dull. Knowing what 3 did, it just… it broke him. He felt like it wasn’t only their link… that even disregarding that, in general the fact that 3 chose to depart from him hurt him in many other ways. He… really came to like him over the years. Seeing how he became so selfless, so helpful, so amazing too… 4 still kind of felt bad that 3 couldn’t see that about himself. He wished he was less stubborn and told him more. Though he was sure that wouldn’t have changed a thing anyways. But still, he wished he could tell 3 more that he found him so amazing in ways he never did with anyone else… he… he loved him.

4 suddenly shot up, the realisation hitting him like a truck.

“Woa-” Meggy was one of the ones who carried him, momentarily losing balance from 4’s sudden movement.

Mario was on his other side, he seemed to take 4’s stupidity better. One could say he was used to 4’s antics.

4 took a bit to catch his breath as they all stopped.

“Are you okay?” Tari came running to him.

“I think I love him” was all 4 could say before starting to cry. Truly, today wasn’t his day. Lots of tears.

“As in… SMG3?” Meggy asked.

“Yeah…” 4 looked down.

Mario patted him on the back.

“Mario knew you would realise at some point”

“About time, these last weeks have been ridiculous” Clench came out too. He was rather annoyed with the 2 at this point.

“It’s not that unexpected, yeah” Meggy chuckled.

A lot of the others held a similar reaction, no one seemed surprised.

4 didn’t look too happy though.

“He left… he left me there” 4 spoke again, looking up at the sky. He still felt way too empty.

“What happened anyways?” Tari asked.

“He…” 4 tried holding back the tears. Not very successfully at that. “I… I’ll need to discuss this later with SMG1 and 2…”

Everyone left him alone. The rest of the road back home was rather gloomy. 4 was starting to feel like it wasn’t only him who felt 3’s painful absence. 

They helped him in his room to rest for a bit. After a while, 1 and 2 came into his room.

“We heard you wanted to speak with us” 1 said.

“Yeah… It’s bad”

“We could tell based on your black scars” 2 commented, pointing at how bad his face looked.

“He… He broke our link”

They both looked at him shocked, then at each other. The reaction made 4 feel even worse.

“That’s… how did he…”

“With… anti meme energy… I don’t know how he got it but… I have a bad feeling about this in general”

“Tell us everything” 1 had a determined look. 

4 proceeded to tell them about everything. The way he was approached by 3, the weird dark change of his appearance, his comment of becoming one with the shadows. It seemed to leave both 1 and 2 speechless.

“Whoever is behind this” 1 spoke “They know enough to be clearly dangerous”

“Do you… Do you think I could mend my link with 3?” 4 looked up at the ceiling. He found that not looking at people made it easier to not cry.

“We… don’t know” 2 sighed. Neither of them had an idea.

“We’ve never seen anything like this happen before… we can try to look around for information to see if we can find something”

4 looked at them, smiling softly. “Thanks, I really appreciate that”

“It’s only natural… especially because the world is weaker without your link”

“It is?”

“Everyone is able to feel it” 2 said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s one of the pillars of a stable universe. Whoever told 3 how to break it must have done it to… oh no, 1, we should start searching right away!” the 2 ran out in a hurry. 

4 chuckled dryly at that. It really wasn’t funny to him, he just found it kind of ironic in a way. Destroying 3’s life meant he’d also destroy the world… It was kind of fitting how especially now, 3 felt like the whole world for him. He wished he knew earlier so at least he could’ve told him before they parted ways like that. 

~~~

4 didn’t do much for a few days. He spent the day coping. Healing. He could move around better after a while but his mental state didn’t get better. He couldn’t get 3 out of his mind. He thought that their link being gone meant that the opposite of this would happen but no. His friends tried to cheer him up with memes they would send him. Sure they got a chuckle out of him but these weren’t nearly enough to stop his sadness. 

He was watching his own videos where 3 appeared when 1 and 2 came in his room.

“WE FOUND SOMETHING” 2 jumped through the door.

“Yeah?” 4 asked, trying to put on a smile.

“Yes! Your connection isn’t necessarily lost forever!”

“R– Really??” 4 looked at them with colour appearing in his eyes. There’s a way after all!

“Yes- considering it’s still fresh, and you don’t seem to care any less, there could still be a way. But the catch… 3 has to want it too”

“Huh…” 4 thought out loud “I mean, that makes sense… I wonder if he would…”

“We’ll at least try our best to convince him”

“Right right! Even though I was told I ruined his life” 4 looked away. He still didn’t know what to do with all his feelings about that.

“Ruined his life?” 2 questioned.

“He said that… I only ever seemed to make his life worse… and that I only made things worse when I helped him”

The 2 looked at each other then back at 4.

“What do you exactly mean by this?”

“Uh… He said that his businesses always seemed to fail around me, no matter how much he tried, and that things that would ruin him further… connected right back to me”

The 2 shared another look.

“Now… don’t panic but” 1 started.

“Someone was disrupting your link!” 2 finished 1’s thought.

“Huh?”

“It sounds like it. As we were looking at all the information we could find on links, we found that in certain ways, outside people can interact with links that are not theirs.That’s how we also tried to help you find 3 but we were blocked out by some force. And it’s not a meme guardian exclusive thing. So… Someone must have got in and… yeah”

4 looked shocked.

“So… It’s not my fault?”

“No, it’s not” they both comforted him.

This actually managed to make him feel better. Finally, something that could help him fix everything. Even if it will take a while.

“I was thinking… can you guys… still train me, even if alone? I… want to be stronger when I see him again. Because I’m sure I will… It can’t end like this”

Both nodded.

“We won’t go easy on you” 2 joked.

“Better not” 4 laughed.

The 3 of them left to train that day, 4 trained until he was exhausted. He was glad to push himself considering how he had been for the last few days. He felt a little more free now. Just you wait, 3…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a week since he really started training again. It was actually something that managed to make him feel better. He was wondering where 3 was at this point. On what point of the World he could’ve been. When he wasn’t able to sleep, he would look at places where he could be in. Making a list…

His cafe - he wasn’t

Internet graveyard - he wasn’t 

That castle where he severed their link - he wasn’t

Peach’s castle - he wasn’t

Any of the Anti cast’s own living places - he wasn’t 

Right by his side  - 4 wished he was

His list only got longer with all the wrong answers. Just yesterday, they put out an announcement that if anyone sees any trace of 3, they should alert the crew. Though 4 thought of it as a bit hopeless. 

He could only take his mind off it all with training. His days would be spent either training or sleeping. He left very little time for anything else. It started to worry the others, he realised as well but he just couldn’t stop. Not being whole can feel so devastating.

And he didn’t take it well in a more and more unhealthy way. He didn’t show it to anyone else, but he kept the burnt SMG3 plushie he found from the fire incident. From a beacon of hope, it went to something he would sleep with. It was starting to feel like he would never be able to sleep without it. He didn’t feel much shame in it anymore but he treasured it too much to just show it to anyone else. He needed to protect it at all costs. Sometimes he would talk to it, pretending like it was 3. Telling it so much. Telling everything that was inside his heart, all he wished he could actually tell 3. He truly felt like he reached a new low.

If that wasn’t already bad enough, he started having nightmares too.

Nightmares where he’d follow 3 but kept losing him. Nightmares that seemed to have a different face appear inside them as well. One he did not recognise yet felt familiar… Having a familiar painful feeling. He hated seeing the face. He would many times try to kill the figure but it felt as though they could read his mind, as they dodged his every move with a wide grin. But each time.. He would get closer… Surroundings would become clearer.

One time, it got so clear… He got an insane idea.

He searched up the place he saw… It was a real place. An abandoned studio. Weirdly fitting in a way.

“So, you want to go there because you dreamed about it?” Meggy asked. Some of the gang was gathered there.

“This entity’s influence must be strong if you’re getting dreams like that” 1 believed him. He had really no reason to lie.

“Wait, you believe him?”

“Yes, it is plausible. We already established someone interfered with their connection”

“So it could be that guy! And now they’re taunting 4!” 2 excitedly finished the thought.

4 smiled at the 2 of them.

“Thanks, guys. But yes… I want to go there. I need to… figure out what’s exactly happening”

“And save 3” Tari came up to him as well, reassuring him.

“Especially save 3” 4 smiled at her.

With the newfound determination, the squad, even with 1 and 2 included, headed for the studio building.

The building itself felt more than abandoned in a way. It looked like something went down inside there, a struggle of shorts. Walking in, they noticed the walls covered in gunshots, the place more dusty than would be usual for a place like this. And in some places, a disturbing amount of dried blood was spilled. What must have happened to this place was definitely sudden, quick and gruesome. Just staying in there made them all feel bad for the ex workers. They split up, searching the rooms in smaller groups since it wasn’t exactly a small building. 

4 was searching with 1 and 2. 4 tried to push on even into darker rooms. Although he didn’t have the link to help anymore, he listened to  3… his words burned into his brain. So he paid attention to the darkest places, not letting the shadows go unaddressed, even if it got increasingly scary. 4 kind of didn’t care about that at this point. He had already lost too much to care, though he didn’t exactly tell this to his friends. It felt a bit selfish to him but it was genuinely feeling like there wasn’t much to live for without 3. 

It was starting to feel kind of hopeless until a shadow looked weird. He looked at it, suspicions forming in his brain. He reached out but the shadow grabbed him first.

Before 1 or 2 were able to react, 4 was already gone, being pulled into the shadows.

4 was thrown  back into a dark room that felt all too familiar at this point. In front of him was 3, still as shadowed as ever. At least they could see each other. They stared for a bit, both trying to see what the other one was feeling. 3 pulled 4 closer, in a kind of threatening way, which felt weird and sudden. Something in 4 made him wonder if he was perhaps influenced by something to do that.

“I told you to stay away”

4 sighed, a smile appearing on his face, which weirded 3 out.

“It’s impossible”

“No it’s not just-” he looked away, seemingly thinking but it felt more than that.

“...Let’s talk” 4 had a soft gaze on 3. If he had to die, he didn’t want to spend his last moments arguing with 3.

“We… We already had that… you should go… I did it for you as well”

4 still kept the calmness but the light eye twitch gave away that he didn’t like what he was hearing.

“It wasn’t our fault actually”

3 looked at him shocked. Then thought for a bit.

“I mean I… didn’t mean to make you feel like you… I know that you didn’t ACTUALLY mean to ruin me-”

“No no, you don’t understand, we basically got hacked”

“Hacked? What the hell you mean-” 3 questioned but got stopped by immense pain as he grabbed for his head groaning.

“Oh no, are you okay?” 4 immediately jumped beside him, with a hand on his upper back for support.

“How can I believe you?” 3 looked at him weakly.

“We… actually found out outside forces can… influence guardian links”

3 took a bit to take that in, looking away from 4, seemingly staring into the dark. Very intensely at that. He looked back at 4, pretty pissed.

“So someone framed you?” he looked like he was about to blow up.

“We think so…”

“So I… I” 3’s face softened. 

4 knew what he felt, he hugged 3. He didn’t resist. Slowly, 3 leaned into 4’s touch.

“You know… it’s funny” 3 spoke again “I thought without the link if you came after me again… that I could just end you as soon as I saw you… but I…” he once again felt pain so he had to stop.

“3!!” 

“It’s… We… uh” 3 looked weak.

“We’ll help you, don’t worry! The others are here too… we… we will help, man!”

3 couldn’t help but smile at 4, even through the pain.

“But I already ruined it… I.. I did that to you… I was told how to do it and I…”

“I still care about you”

3 looked at him, something in him breaking with tears rolling down his face.

“How can you?”

“We… We’re friends… we’ve been through a lot… you think I’m gonna let you go when you once risked your life to save me? You didn’t need to. You could have left me to my perfect video but you didn’t. Didn’t it feel like I betrayed you? But you came back either way.”

“That… That’s true”

“It’s… just another thing I love about you, 3”

The word choice made 3 a little flustered. 4 chuckled at that.

“You can’t just say sappy shit like that”

“You think I don’t mean it or something?”

“No no… It’s obvious you do, don’t worry”

“But uhm genuinely I’ve… I’ve been thinking and-”

And just as soon as 4 thought maybe he could tell 3- 3 got grabbed by a hand before not seen. However at this point it was familiar to him. He stood up and went right after, it was no use though. 4 didn’t lose hope yet. He was more angry right now if anything.

“NOT EVEN GONNA LET ME TELL HIM I LOVE HIM??” 4 called out “WELL THEN DO IT FOR ME PLEASE, BITCH”

The figure he had been seeing in his dreams came out of the shadows. Much clearer now, he could still see their wide, unfeeling smile. He didn’t know a TV screen headed guy could be such a piece of shit.

“You’re a feisty one”

“YOU”

“Ah, what, came back because you weren’t satisfied with the service? Sorry, no refunds!”

They started to walk away but 4 grabbed them.

“SERVICE??”

“The keyboard”

4 stopped.

“The…keyboard…?”

Then he realised.

“And it’s not like I even forced it on you” they laughed “You were the one who chose to buy it. Even with SMG3, I didn’t force him! HE joined me HIMSELF and-”

“You think I’m gonna let you go with what you did?” 

They laughed.

“No… And that’s what I want!” the words scared 4 “With even all your friends! Such a great deal”

“WHAT are you?”

“I’m… oh there’s no fun in that, I’m only here to make a great show!”

“I don’t know if you noticed but I’m the show runner here!”

“It looked like you needed some help”

4 tried to punch them but then he was gone from the dark, right back beside 1 and 2.

“4!!! 4, you’re back!!” both hurried there beside him.

“Yes… I am'' 4 didn’t lose his anger a single bit. Those were the words of someone who is truly despicable. He only wanted to kill them more now. 

They only got one more calm moment before the building shook beneath them. It was loud, almost like the building was alive. 

“Oh no! We need to get out of here” 1 panicked, 2 and 4 followed behind, although 4 did so reluctantly. He knew 3 was in here. He didn’t want him gone.

Everyone evacuated. 4 stared at the building going down, he couldn’t just stand there, he had to run back, even if it would take him away as well.

He searched everywhere. Maybe it was the TV guy letting their guard down, but he was actually able to spot 3 in the real world now. He was still covered in those shadows though.

“3!!!” he cried out, running for the other who only then noticed him.

“4, you should get out of here”

“Not without you”

“Then we might not be able to get out…”

“I’ll… rather be going away with you than live knowing you died”

“You know- you’re pretty attached as well, even without the…” 3 looked away then back 4. He couldn’t help but smile at 4. It felt kind of nice in the end. It was easier to admit now.

“That’s cuz I love you” 4 reciprocated the smile.

3 looked away again, rather flustered at the words. But there was still a smile visible on his face.

“Like um… as in? Like that? Fuck, I’m sounding so stupid right now” 3 laughed at his own incompetence.

“Yeah uh… are you okay with that?” 4 returned the awkward laugh.

3 chuckled before grabbing 4’s face.

“What do you think, stupid?”

“I’m… glad” 

They both leaned in, just about at the same time. The kiss came naturally. But it was so much more than that. They pulled each other close, it all just felt… perfect. Complete. So complete, as the scar on both of their faces started glowing. They didn’t know when they linked hands but with both hands held, they could see white strings appear, glowing with immense power, more and more appearing, connecting the 2.

The sight mesmerised both so much, they pulled in for another kiss, which only made the light stronger, ridding 3 fully of his corruption.

The light grew so big, like an explosion. An explosion of so much emotion before unspoken.

The light grew so big, the crew outside noticed.

“They did it!” 2 jumped up “That’s a lot of meme guardian energy”

“Right on” 1 laughed “You know, I’m proud of them… they came so far”

“They really did” Meggy joined the 2.

“Will they be able to get out though?” Tari was concerned.

But then the light only grew larger and faster at that, basically taking in the whole building. It was strong enough to knock everyone on their asses.

As the light dissipated, the 2 hovered up from all the debris. Both looked unharmed, their hands linked.

Everyone came up to hug them. It had been a while since they had such a big and emotional hug.

“We’re so glad you 2 are safe”

“I can’t believe you actually made it out”

“You guys better not do anything this reckless ever again”

These were some comments the 2 received. But they were happy they made it out, made it out alive and together. There were a lot of things unanswered but none of that mattered now. At least not for now.

#smg34 #smg4

[wheredafandomat]

I know who you pretend I am

Loki x Female Reader (Thor x reader)

18+ | contains character death, mourning, smut, angst - it’s literally like 3 in the morning but I just had this idea and HAD to get it out so I could sleep peacefully 😂 apologies in advance for my grammar or anything, it’s late.

“It should have been you.” You wept, tears blurring your vision as you stormed towards Loki, digging your finger into his chest. “It should have been you.” You continued to cry, your fists clenching before you nudged him backwards, Loki unwavering as you took your frustrations out on him. It should have been him, he agreed. Given the chance he would have switched places with Thor, he had so much more to live for, he had you and now you were alone, he was alone. “You promised” you sniffled against Loki’s chest, his hand ghosting your back as he contemplated whether you’d find the gesture comforting or smoldering if he was to place it there “you said he’d come back safe.” You almost whispered, your cries silent now as your shoulders shook. Making his mind up, Loki placed his hand on your back, pulling you into him as he fought down his own emotions allowing you to grieve.

It wasn’t long before you grew tired, body limp in Loki’s grip as he supported you, almost carrying you to your bedroom. Once you both reached, he pulled the duvet back, stepping away from you as you got into the bed. Standing at the door, Loki’s gaze lingered on you for a moment as he imagined how you’d cope from now on. He knew you felt alone now but he was certain you weren’t. He promised he’d look after you, regardless of how much you pushed him away; it was his final promise to his brother and he was intent on keeping this one.

Going into his own room, Loki almost collapsed onto his bed as the emotions he had been keeping down began bubbling to the surface. When it first happened, he felt shocked, angered, an anger that turned into a bloodbath of revenge as he took it from every hopeless soul that stood in his way before coming face to face with the one who took Thor’s life. He brought death to the wicked creature slowly, leisurely, the act almost making him smile as he began to feel relief before it dissipated. He had gotten his revenge but Thor was still dead. At least he’d be able to tell you that Thor’s death had been avenged. He knew you wouldn’t ask straight away but the question would come eventually, now he’d be able to tell you exactly how he got his revenge. For now, he could all but cry and keep his promise to Thor.

“Promise me you will not leave her.”

“Thor I—”

“Brother, promise me you’ll look after her.”

“I promise.”

The next day came however you didn’t move. You remained still, in bed, silent tears running down your cheeks as you begged to be awoken from this nightmare. You didn’t speak, nor did you the next day, or the next. By the end of the week, your voice was hoarse as you told a concerned Loki to leave you alone.

The following week was a little bit kinder to you. The sun shone for what felt like the first time, warming your cheeks and covering them with a new sensation, hope. You stood up and walked towards the window allowing more of the sun to stroke your face. You smiled, it was almost painful, the muscles in your face not remembering the gesture. Just as you were about to close your eyes and bask in the yellow glow, the door knocked.

“Can I come in?” Loki spoke from outside, holding a tray of food like he had been doing the past two weeks however this time, you allowed him in. Loki pushed the door open, gaze focused on your bedside table where he sat the tray down before realising you weren't in bed. Glancing up, he saw you standing at the window, eyes closed as the sun cast an ethereal glow around you. Cautiously he approached you, unable to stop the small smile that formed on his lips as he saw your face. He realised he had almost forgotten what you looked like, it had been so long since he had seen you. The mission he embarked on with Thor was a long one and the only time he saw your face when he came back was when there was fury and desolation painted across it unlike now. Now he was looking at a different you, a healed you, a new you. He could see the sadness lurking beneath your smile, the heartbreak, the woe but he could also see the determination of your tense body trying to keep those emotions at bay.

“It’s a nice day.” You spoke, the first normal sentence you had said in what felt like forever.

“Yes.” Loki agreed, turning his focus to outside as he stood next to you.

“I think I’m going to take a walk.” You said evenly, opening your eyes and glancing at Loki who had his eyes closed.

“I could come with you, if you’d like.” He suggested, unsure of how you’d respond. A thick silence settled between you both as Loki awaited your answer. You wanted to say no, you wanted to hate him, blame him, hit him but you knew he mourned too. You could hear him sometimes, in the silence of the night, sleep plagued with terror before he’d wake up gasping or more painfully, calling out for Thor. It was those times you remembered that you may have lost your beau but Loki had lost his brother. He was hurting too. No doubt feeling alone too. So you said yes and soon, the two of you went on a walk.

The walk was quiet, both of you silent as you wandered through the local park letting the sun coat your skin. It felt nice to be outside. The sound of people around you drew you out of the recluse part of your mind and you let yourself forget about your own life for a moment as you focused instead on the sound of laughter. It was blissful. You were content in this new reality until Loki quickly spun you around causing you to snap back to reality.

“Let’s go this way.” He insisted.

“What are you doing?” You huffed, moving out of his grip and turning around before you were met by a large poster advertising Rogers which was seemingly a new musical. You instantly teared up as you looked at the depiction of Thor, Loki placing his hand on your shoulder. “Stop!” You snapped, moving out of his grip and towards the poster. Reaching it, you ran your fingers across his name as tears began brimming in the corners of your eyes.

“Y/n I’m sorry.” Loki apologised, standing next to you.

“It’s not your fault” you replied, Loki’s eyes rounding as he heard your words. He knew you only meant the poster but it was comforting nonetheless. “None of it is your fault.” You added, Loki’s gaze turning to yours as he heard you. He couldn’t help himself as his lip began to tremble before he cleared his throat, composing himself. “I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you.”

“You don’t need to apologise.” He insisted.

“I’m so sorry” you whispered, turning to face him as a tear rolled down your cheek “I just—I miss him and I feel so alone.”

“Y/n” Loki began, wiping the tear from your cheek “you are not alone.” He insisted, pulling you against him as he hugged you and for once since it happened, you didn’t feel alone.

The next few months were slow as you and Loki began building a friendship, seeking company in one another’s presence. Occasionally he’d cook and the two of you would eat together. The first time was awkward, neither of you knowing what to say but now it was almost routine. You began looking forward to dinner with Loki.

More months passed and the both of you grew more comfortable around eachother in the sense that neither of you hid your emotions anymore. There were times you woke up in a good mood and others you woke up feeling as if Thor had just been taken away from you. Those mornings, the teary ones, Loki was always there to calm you, to reassure you, to hold you. You returned the favour, aiding him at night when he’d awake gasping for air. You’d sometimes tell him a short story about something you had experienced, he liked those, they soothed him. Both of you often shared your memories about Thor, both of you finding solace in them.

As it approached the anniversary of Thor’s death, the two of you grew quiet again, neither of you wanting to face the fact that it had been a whole year without him. You almost felt guilty remembering all the times you had smiled since his passing, the times you had laughed, the short moments where you had forgotten him all together and allowed yourself to simply exist. They made you feel peccant. You knew Loki felt the same; he stopped cooking, he stopped speaking to you. You missed him. Before, it seemed impossible to live in the same place as someone and to almost forget their face yet that’s how you felt about Loki, you had forgotten his face, his smile, his warming company. You had to fix this so you decided you’d cook for a change.

Smelling something burning from his room, Loki quickly rushed to the kitchen, grabbing the fire blanket and tossing it over the small fire you had started on the stove.

“I’m such an idiot” you scolded yourself “I just wanted to make something for us to eat but I’ve ruined it.” You continued. Loki could tell you were growing very upset.

“Calm down.” He tried to soothe you.

“No!” You exclaimed, throwing the utensil you had in your hand at the wall “I just wanted to—to surprise you. I wanted us to eat together and n—now I’ve—” you stuttered, beginning to cry.

“Its okay” Loki smiled, holding your cheeks in his hands as he got your attention “how about I clean up and you can order food?” He suggested.

“Where have you been Loki?” You murmured, looking into his eyes “I’ve missed you, where have you been?”

“I’ve been right here.” He answered.

“No” you sniveled, “you haven’t.”

Loki had to blink back his own tears as he looked down at you, you looked so forlorn, he had abandoned you. He had unknowingly pushed you away so much and he regretted it, deeply.

“Loki” you uttered “I need you.”

Your words reverberated through his body as he tried to process the meaning behind them. Before he could stop himself, he was leaning into you, pressing his lips softly against yours. He hated himself, he knew that you were going to push him backwards and maybe even slap him or at least he thought you would. He was shocked when you pulled away for a moment before standing on your tiptoes and capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. His hands found your back as he pulled you against him, deepening the kiss. Your hands flew up to his hair, running your fingers through the tame, obsidian tendrils causing Loki to almost shiver. You felt perfect underneath his hands. Pushing you backwards, Loki sat you on the dining table, standing between your legs as he continued kissing you. His lips ventured to your neck, your chin tilting up towards the ceiling granting him further access as he pulled at your shirt, wanting to kiss more of your skin.

His lips met yours again with a newfound ferocity as your fingers worked his belt buckle before undoing it. Loki pushed your legs further apart as you lifted your skirt after pulling your panties down your legs. He was quick with pulling his cock out of his boxers and guiding it straight to your moist centre.

Both of you exhaled as he pushed inside, your tight walls clenching around him already; it had been so long. He moved in and out of you at a steady pace, both of you reveling in the feeling of something as habitual as sex. Your eyes were closed tightly, Loki’s were open. He regarded you with laudation in his eyes, it made him feel iniquitous. He had to stop himself from moaning your name as your hands found his back, traveling underneath his shirt where your nails drew harsh lines. Your legs wrapped around his, holding him in place, inviting him further inside. In this moment, for the first time, he felt whole. You completed him.

“Fuckk” you moaned, Loki speeding his thrusts as he heard you. You sounded seraphic in this moment. “Right theree” you mewled, nails digging into his shoulders; it was a thrilling pain “just like that” he was certain your voice alone could drive him to completion “Thorrr” you whimpered, your voice sounding unmelodious to him now.

Your eyes flew open as you realised your blunder. Your gaze met Loki’s as he paused his movements.

“I’m sor—” you began.

“No, I’m sorry” he quickly apologised, pulling out of you “I got carried away.”

“Loki wait.” You called after him, pulling your skirt down as you stood. “Don’t leave me.” You added worriedly causing Loki to stop in his tracks.

“Y/n, you’ve always got me.” He assured, turning around to face you. “Just not like that” he added quietly “it was too soon, I’m sorry.” He apologised again before leaving you standing horrified in the middle of the kitchen.

Loki’s in his Mitski era 🥺

Tags:

@lokisgoodgirl @thenotoriouserg @chantsdemarins @donaweasley @xorpsbane @mcufan72 @loz-3 @evelyn-kingsley @sailorholly @lovingchoices14 @lokiedokiee @noideakitten @mochie85 @mischief2sarawr @lokiprompts @lulubelle814 @fictive-sl0th @peaches1958 @gigglingtiggerv2 @tmilover1993 @lyds247 @dustychinchilla74 @lokis-dark-queen @november-rayne @12-pm-510 @vickie5546 @newtomofgods @eyesbluelikethetitanic @lokiestorch @somewhereinthegalaxi @beautyb1ade @angelilacsworld @lokidokieokie @mushypork

#loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki fanfic #loki (marvel) #oc fiction #loki fanfiction #tom hiddelston loki #loki smut #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki angst #loki au fic #loki au #thor x female reader

[killersfool]

hiiii i’ve a wee fluff imagine idea for bobby!! : )

bobby and the reader live together in a flat in dublin and the reader goes to trinity uni to study english literature (or smt else that has like a lot of reading and essay writing anol that craic) and she’s falling behind in a lot of her assignments and it’s all piling up and she’s just all overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to cope.

she ends up breaking down into sobs or shutting down at random points in the day due to stress and rob hasn’t got a clue what’s wrong and keeps noticing these random break downs throughout the week.

basically he comforts reader and helps to organise herself and just all fluffy cute comfort fic <333

If I could flip back time, bend the seconds and go back three years ago, I would do it right now.

Pile after pile of flashcards, annotated books with pastel post-it notes shooting out of the sides, folders of Irish poetry I can hardly understand, tattered photocopies of Hozier lyrics, every work of Shakespeare staring at me from my overcrowded booksheld — dusty, messy, probably even dank. Miss Carter has decided to set three more assignments onto my workload for the week. An essay on crime fiction (I haven't even read the first book on the reading list), my creative writing portfolio and then another essay analysing a piece poetry of my choice. Reading and highlighting Hozier's lyrics of 'I, Carrion (Icarian)' is the only thing keeping me going. Phoebe Bridgers blasts through my ears. It's quarter to 11. I need a break. An early night would be nice. Or TV. But do I really want to sit next to Robert whilst he watches his weird YouTube videos?

I kick my table. Not out of anger. Not out of irritation. I just want to see all of my notes topple ontp the floor. They do. Then I'm kicking the table three more times. Or maybe eight. All my flashcards are on the carpeted  floor, next to my discarded, empty packet of pinballs. I'd stolen them from Robert's stash. He'll never find out.

Climbing over my pile of unread books by my doorway, I push open the door. It squeaks. Some oiling would be nice. Trinity college really provides the best for their students! 

I still wish my roommate was also doing English, someone to bond with over shared trauma, to gossip about our nightmarish teachers and fellow students. But no, this guy is doing a degree in bloody mathematics. The complete dichotomy of English. No similarities. No way of comparing the courses to eachother. Him and his terrifying videos that he watches with his shoes up on the armrest, cheek in his open palm, drinking a cup of tea. Like it's that simple. Numbers and sin, cos, tan and circle theorems and whatever tragic nonsense is being spouted in his lectures.

He hardly speaks to me. Three years together and I barely know him. Sometimes I tag along with him when he goes out for breakfast. Once every two weeks. Sunday morning. We talk about school, about friends, about anything that pops in our heads. Yesterday we spoke about music. He originally wanted to pursue a career in music. A band. But they didn't work out. He took a gap year to pursue this group. So he's a year older than all of the other third years. He doesn't let that faze him. When he told me stories about his band, 'Inhaler', I had to lose eye contact, look down at the pink marshmellos floating about in my cup. He looked lost. This wasn't the place for him. He missed the confidence upon stage, the ability of making something out of nothing. Life is unfair. That is when I realised it. Hearing about shattered dreams and names of songs that were never produced.

I also realise life is unfair right now, as I accidentally bang my hip onto the kicthen island, the knife-like corner lodging itself into my skin. It's like the world is against me. 

Sometimes I wonder if Robert thinks I'm an idiot. I feel like I'm an idiot when I walk past his bedroom, hunched over his laptop, headphones on as he works through the most difficult maths questions I've ever encountered in my life. He makes university seem easy. Has his allocated times for study, going out with friends, the gym, practicing bass, going though record shops, meals, watching TV. Everytime he gets home, he drops his things down in the kitchen. I sneak a glance at the big green 'A*' on all of his test papers. I look up to him. His intelligence, his masterful management of time. I'm always too frightened to ask him how he does it. He'll think I'm stalking him. 

Me, on the other hand, I waste time. I don't have balance. I never have time to be with my friends. Always locked up in my room. A prisoner. Essay after essay. Poem after poem. Book after book. A constant cycle I've been in for three whole years. The stress is weighing down on me like a hundred bags of bricks. I need to stop for a second. To breathe in. To calm down.

So I do the last thing I would normally do. I go into the living room and sit beside Robert on the sofa. He's half asleep, jeans cuffed, hair all over his face. He sees me walk in, glances up, eyes big and speculting. He instantly moves his spindly, spider-like legs from the armrest to give me some space. I can hear some sort of maths video playing on the TV. I'm scared. At least it's not English. I'm immune to maths. It doesn't affect me anymore. Whatever logorhythmic scale this American YouTube man is yapping about isn't making my face contort at all — it's like sorcery.

This could be a way of winding down. Maths. I'm calmer now. No changes of focus or narrowing of perspective. No pathetic fallacy or magical realism. Just messes of words that don't really make sense at all.

"'D'you want to watch TV? I can turn this off if you want." Robert has his thumb on the home button.

"Leave it on. I just need a moment."

He dubiously puts the remote back down. He yawns, stretching out his arms and leaning back. I hate it when boys do that. With his parted, manspreaded legs, adams apple bobbing, head rolled back. It's idiotic. Completely idiotic. He doesn't seem too intrigued by Mr American man. The video is a guy next to a whiteboard writing millions of brain-numbing equtions. Robert is nodding along. I think I'm going to cry. I don't know why I want to right now. My hip is actually starting to throb and ache. I look down at my jeans. There's a hole in them. There's blood. It's wet. I hadn't noticed before. It's properly pouring out blood.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I exclaim, hand pressing down onto the cut through my jeans.

Robert swiftly nears me. He's looking at me up and down, hands trying to find a place to move to. It's dark in the room. He reaches for the lamp switch. "What is it? Are you okay?"

"I'm bleeding. Jesus christ. That kills. Fuck me."

He passes me his jacket and says, "Apply some pressure." 

Then he runs out of the room. Fast as a plane. A man on a mission. Long curls dancing to the rhythm of his steps. Mr American man won't shut up about algebraic expressions. He's got a really bald head. Glimmering. 

Robert is back. He has bandages. I don't know where he got those from. Antiseptic wipes, plasters, sweets, even a cup of tea. He was only gone for about five seconds. How did he manage to get all of that? He hands me the cup of tea and sweets whilst asking, "What happened?"

"I walked into the island like an eejit. I'm so feckin' stupid."

"Just breathe, okay. You're not an eejit. I do that every day." 

I have to unzip my jeans to let him check the cut. Which is awkward, to say the least. He's looking at me like a doctor — not really caring about seeing my skin — but I'm still so shy around him. He sees me struggle with the button. He undoes it, fingers coming in contact with mine. They're slender. So very perfect for the bass guitar. Then he's unzipping my jeans. Only the tiniest bit. A mere centimetre of my knickers appear out of the top. Any more than that and I'd be flush as a tomato. I've always had a little crush on Robert. Being stuck with a really smart bass guitarist with the dreamiest eyes for three years is enough to make a person fall. The reason I've been avoiding him lately has been due to that fact. I don't want to make it obvious.

He finds the cut. It's bled through my knickers, making a big blot of dark red. He pulls down the waistband of my pants, prepared to wipe the wound. I have to grind my teeth together to prevent a sob from escaping me. I'm crying. Stressed and hurt and just wanting to dissolve into nothing. The cold draft of wind isn't improving the situation. If only there was no such thing as coursework and I couldn't glide my way through university like Robert. 

More and more blood. I think I might pass out. The blue-eyed boy is knelt down on the floor, knees biting into the carpet so that he can properly see where to put the bandage. 

"So how's English going?" He's not looking at me. Only at the wound. I don't think he's noticed that I'm crying. I don't want him to. I cover my face with bloody hands, accidentally smearing the metallic substance onto my nose. 

I don't know what to say. Do I tell him how much I regret picking it? Do I make this already awkward situation about ten times worse? I hate when people pity me. I hate when I feel like eyes are lingering for far too long when I cry. But when Robert looks at me, it's different. The pools of serenity circling his iris aren't looking down at me with a sort of aristocracy. That's how my English peers stare me down. No, instead, he's looking at me like there's a billion questions rushing across his forehead. He just needs to decide which one to ask. Or to simply say nothing. Like I am. We've both learnt how to cohabit in silence. To walk past eachother and ignore the feathers of conversation falling between us. We're busy. Always busy. Except for those perfect Monday mornings that I always look forward to. Especially the one time when he showed me around his favourite record store. He had asked me to choose him a record to buy. I walked through the entire shop, fingers shifting records, reading unfamiliar artist names. Then, I saw it, the — now bane of my existence — Hozier's 'unreal unearth'. He bought it. He'd told me he only really knew 'Take Me To Church'. I'd leant against the till as he paid and said, 'it'll change your life.' Then he'd locked himself in his room. Through the ever so thin walls — paper thin — I could hear each track hum into my room. I never got the chance to talk to him about the album. I think the thought of bringing it up made me feel sick — due to the English essay upstairs still waiting patiently to be finished.

Now there is an excuse. To talk. I'm injured. I don't want to move. He's still attempting to wrap a bandage over my stomach, then across my back until it's around my torso. I feel his fingers graze my skin with every subtle movement, along my spine, the small of my back, my abdomen, my hip bone. He's still looking at me. Searching. Like I'm a new island and he's an explorer trying to name me.

"What's up, sweetheart?" He finally talks again. His words are throaty, emananting from the pits of his throat. He's still wrapping, waiting for an answer.

"Just college. You know. It's killing me."

He shakes his head. "You're so smart."

"Says you."

He shakes his head. "Look, this might be a bit weird but sometimes when you leave random essays lying around or even creative writing. I read them. They're incredible. Your mind just works in such an interesting way."

I'm at a loss for words. He reads those? Those are usually just failed attempts that I toss aside. Scrap paper. Strange drawings. I don't even want to look at them.

"You get top grades in every test," I sigh. "I'm barely passing. I'm the worst in the class. My professors hate me, I've got so much work, I'm falling behind in every assignment—"

Then I'm properly crying. Sobbing. Breathing so heavily I think I might collapse. Heaving. Sniffling. Covering my face so he can't see me. I'm like a child. Pathetic. Stupid. Worthless. I was never good enough for Trinity. Why did they let me in?

Warm arms, press of skin. Just above the wound, over my chest, arms dig into my body, hugging me from behind. Head burrowing onto my shoulders, knees into the sofa. His lips ghost the back of my neck. Tears are falling down. He turns me around to face him. I hate how he's seeing me like this. My cries are usually saved for when he's out with friends or blasting music on his record player. He's never seen me this vulnerable, just utterly ripped into shreds by the hands of life. His scent is making me feel better, the tissue now on my cheek makes me feel better, the quiet words of 'breathe, let it all out, it's okay' make me feel better. He's calming me down. I start to forget what I was even crying about when I look into his eyes. This intense eye contact. Remembering his height. Even sat down, his torso is far longer than mine.

"I've got an idea," he murmurs, peeling his body away. I miss the warmth. I miss the touch. 

"What is it?"

"We should go somewhere. Get out for a bit. Say it's a 'mental health field trip'." He curls his fingers to accentuate the apostrophes."Maybe down to the Cliffs of Moher. When you're all healed up of course."

"Give me a week."

"A week? I'll be the judge of that." He raises an eyebrow, now tying up the bandage.

"Where did you learn all this?"

"I'm actually first aid trained. Did it in my first week of uni." He takes a deep breath, settles back onto the sofa. 

I take a sip of my tea. My eyes are surely blotchy and red. I bet there's mascara all over my face. "Thank you so much."

"No problem at all. Do you want to tell me what's going on? Is there any way I can help?" He's referring to my school work. "I was alright at English in high school. No where near as good as you are. But maybe another opinion might help you."

"I'm really stuck on a Hozier analysis."

"I never told you how much I love that album. It's perfect." His eyes glow like they do when he's talking about something he loves. Usually it's caused by talking about playing bass, but right now it's due to the beauty of Hozier's music. "I learned the bass line of De Selby part two."

"Show me. Now." I don't even ask. It's simply a demand. Anything to take my mind away from that cut still bleeding profusely. A little concert would be nice. Especially if said concert involves watching Robert play bass. I sometimes peek through the crack in the doorway to see him sat down on his bed, pick between his index and thumb, bass guitar on his lap, headphones over his ears. The pure concentration on his face is unparalleled. Notes thrum quietly through the room. He falls into any piece of music.

"Alright." He laughs at my enthusiasm. "Then I'll help with your English."

"Thanks." This is probably the most I've ever spoken to him. I'm mumbling each word, not wanting to look into his eyes.

He disappears once again. This time I hear the thudding footsteps over creaky floorboards. I hear a door squeak open, the faint patter of rain upon the ceiling, the quiet murmur of distant sirens as night blooms. It's tranquil. For a moment, I'm at peace. Until I remember the stack of unread books in my bedroom. I groan into my hands. Everything just keeps getting worse and worse and—

He's back. Not empty handed. Bass in one hand, Hozier lyrics and my pencil case in the other.

"I emailed your professor about the trip. I'm sure she'll be okay with it." He's off again. He comes through the door with his amp and lead. He plugs both in. 

"You're a life saver, Rob," I say.

He starts twisting around the knobs on the bass. Volume up. Then he's tuning. He smiles up at me. I think I'm staring. I think he can tell. His long fingers, tattoos, rings. It's all too much. My fingers are restlessly tapping the armrest. My legs are up on the coffee table. He pulls out his phone and plays the song. Then I'm lost in the music. His eyes are closed as he slides his fingers up and down the neck of the bass, as he stomps his feet down on the carpet to every drum beat. If only I could go back to the days I'd go to concerts every day. If only I could go back and see 'Inhaler' on a world tour, watch Robert from the crowd, completely in his element. Exhilarated, chanting, knowing every lyric like it's my mother tongue. Sometimes I wonder what life could've been like if the band had worked out. If the world did realise just how incredible they are. But, here, appreciating each pluck of every string, the grin as he watches me. I can't take that for granted. 

#robert keating fanfiction #bobby skeetz fanfiction #bobby skeetz #inhaler band #inhaler imagines #inhaler oneshots #robert keating #fanfiction #inhaler dublin #inhaler fanfiction #josh jenkinson #elijah hewson #trinity college #inhalerimagines #inhaler oneshot #inhaler x reader #inhaler fanfic #inhaler imagine #bobbyskeetz #bobby skeetz x reader #inhaler #fanfics #ryan mcmahon

[painted-bees]

OK I'm just gonna come right out and say it:

I can't be the only one who thinks Magritte's parents do not deserve any of the forgiveness she's been constantly giving to them all this time.

Haha Raf vibes...

Margie knows her parents love and care about her, and that their behavior comes from a place of concern. She can't spite them for that; it's just not the kinda person she is. Anger is a really upsetting/painful emotion for her to hold, and so she just doesn't.

There is a time of grieving in her future, though, if/when she finally concedes to accepting the fact that she's AuDHD. That grief is part of why she hasn't really entertained it at this point in her life. Even Nels being like "hey, you are JUST like my girls and I...we're all ADHD. You should get assessed" doesn't really inspire her to look into it because she doesn't want to consider what that would mean for her. That--If it had been caught in childhood--she would have been given the same patience and encouragement her brother had gotten. She might have eveb been encouraged to follow any pursuit that she excelled at, including music.

Her father is also undiagnosed, considers himself neurotypical, was raised in much the same way, "came out just fine," and is thankful to his parents for helping him learn the "hard lessons". He applied what he liked/respected from his parents and applied it to how he (and his wife) raised their only neurotypical kid, Margie.

Haha as she spends more time around people like Raf and Nels, who give her the space, patience, and encouragement to better understand herself and thrive in, she does gain the confidence to slowly excert her limitations and defend herself when her lapses are met with belittling statements and the like.

She has to first realise (and believe) that she's not just lazy, unmotivated, or immature--and that the criticisms leveled at her with this sentiment are objectively wrong and not something she 'deserves' to hear for not putting the effort into bettering herself. She -is- putting in the effort, via habits and coping mechanisms, and by shaping her environment around her to be as accommodating as possible. But it's never been recognised until recently, with Raf and Hi-Note.

But again, Margie doesn't hold any anger. It's too painful of an emotion. She turns it into sadness and frustration instead.

(It's okay, Raf gets mad for her lmfao)

#hi-note #Magritte

[kimakento]

fool in love

synopsis: as you tried your hardest to get over byun euijoo and his bad habit of drinking, you realised that he will never get over you. ⌙ 0.8k

pairing(s): ex!byun euijoo x fem!reader

genre(s): angst

warning(s): swearing, drinking problems/alcoholism, infidelity, mentions of cheating.

tags: ex!euijoo, previous established relationship, persistent euijoo, non idol!au

author’s note: i wrote this so quick wtf, i hope ej lunès enjoyyy!! disclaimer: this is not an in real life depiction of euijoo.

part two of intoxicated

since your meet-up with jo, you’d been visibly getting better; you had stopped yourself from listening any of euijoo’s voicemails or reading any of his messages. to be honest, this was the best you’d ever been. in a long while.

but still, you tossed and turned at night; still worrisome over the situation. with a big sigh, you turned on the night light. it’s blinding rays caused you to blink uncontrollably. that was until you heard a knock on the door, paired along with a buzz from your phone, notifying you of a message. reaching out to your phone across on the dresser, you saw who sent a message.

it was byun euijoo.

your steps felt heavy as you stripped yourself of the warm embrace of your duvet and left your bed. another knock echoed in your ears as you opened the peephole, noticing euijoo standing there himself.

his appearance was most peculiar, his hair was dishevelled, he seemed as if to be stumbling around and euijoo looked visibly disoriented.

“open up, please.” a murmur came from his pretty lips.

worried, and with trembling hands, you got to unlocking your doors. that was when his head fell on your shoulder. somehow, you managed to pull him in and lock the door. the smell of liquor deepened as he picked his head up and walked to your couch and took a seat.

“take me back, i’ll do anything. i just need you. i….,” euijoo’s eyes were partially bloodshot, as he gripped your couch; his knuckles turning a deep shade of white. “i miss you.”

as you balled your fists, you couldn’t stop the sadness turning into raw anger. tears threatened to fall and your chest tightened. that familiar lump in your throat refused to dissipate as you turned your head away from him, avoiding his hazed gaze.

“get out.” was all you could reply. you weren’t sure if you meant it or if it was just the heat of the moment. maybe it was a way of coping.

you didn’t know.

you raised your voice once again, “i can’t believe you’re drunk right now. byun euijoo, i hate you.”

‘i love you’ you wanted to instead blurt out.

confusion took to his facial expression as he pleaded against it, “you know i never meant it. i really thought she was you.”

euijoo took hesitant steps towards you, reaching out his arm to touch yours. he needed to feel your warmth, you were slipping through his fingers every second he didn’t.

a lone tear ran down your cheek and as you backed away from his touch like a scorching flame that blistered at a single touch. “no, no, no. you don’t get to do that, byun. i’ve had to deal with your drunk ass constantly, i can’t believe you would do something like that. and with my best friend too?”

the emotions seemed to pour all out as you continued.

“you’re never sober when with me, i’m so sick of it. you just don’t get me, we’re so different and it hurts. when i first met y—“ a sob wracked your body and interrupted your speech. “when i first met you, you were kind and friendly and—you know… just the man for me. and now; look at you. i can barely stand to myself.”

his glazed eyes weren’t looking at you, they seemed to be looking through you. it was always like that, though. same thing each time, but just in another situation.

byun euijoo was drunk, again. just like he always was.

“we’re done, euijoo. didn’t you hear me the first time?” you held an accusatorial tone in your voice. “i never want to see you ever again.”

this time, he spoke clearly. “i’m so fucking sorry, i’m so sorry. this is all my fault.”

as much as you were mad at euijoo, you hated how his voice broke right then. yearning and longing consumed your heart, making it impossible for you to tear your watchful gaze away from the man.

the man you thought he was had disappeared, leaving a worser version in it’s wake.

his gaze met yours, and you interjected.

“i’m glad you finally know it’s all your fault. shit, i can’t do this right now. you’re shit-faced.” you stated again. “not once have we had a genuine conversation without you being drunk.”

with hitched breath, you placed two fingers on your nose bridge.

the silence was killing you inside; you just wanted to scream, to cry, to rage — to do anything. your emotions swirled like a hurricane inside as you felt the pent-up frustration build up. it was overwhelming your mental and physical being.

euijoo’s pleas went unheard but still listened to, “let me prove myself, huh?” his hands found yours, resonating with your warmth. he ran his finger over your knuckles, rubbing them as a way to assure you. “you know i love you so fucking much. everything i do is for you. i can’t live without you.”

yet, his hands were cold. very much unlike the searing love you had for him. you still envisioned the man euijoo could be, not the man he was. hesitantly, with his arms spread; signalling he wanted you in his embrace.

maybe it was that you missed him, or that a part of you still loved him.

because like the complete and utter fool in love you were, you accepted his shallow welcome.

likes and reblogs are appreciated!

#&team x reader #&team angst #&team euijoo #byun euijoo #&team imagines #&team scenarios #&team ej #&team x fem reader #&team drabbles #andteam #&team

[fanficshiddles]

Necessary Evil, Chapter 5

Note: Mention of suicide.

Sarah was still riding on a high of adrenaline as Sophie was last to confess, then she joined everyone in the crowd. She hugged Sarah tightly and they were both smiling extensively.

‘Weirdly exhilarating, isn’t it?’ Sophie laughed.

‘It sure is.’ Sarah nodded in agreement. ‘I’m glad you’re still here, even if at the time it didn’t feel like you wanted to be saved, I’m glad your friend found you in time.’ She said softly as she gave Sophie another hug.

‘Thanks… It feels good to have finally shared it, aside from my friend, no one else knew about the attempt. If my parents ever find out though, they’d be broken.’ Sophie sighed, it felt like a weight was off her shoulders. She had tried to commit suicide when she was fifteen, thankfully a friend found her in time and got her to the hospital.

There was two people that had decided not to do it. Molly was one of them, who even after seeing Sarah and the others confess, she still couldn’t do it. Sarah wasn’t sure where she disappeared to, along with another girl who, while she did confess, didn’t trust everyone enough to catch her when she fell. So, Loki wouldn’t allow her to join, for her untrust. Sarah just assumed they’d been chucked out of the building and didn’t give them another thought.

‘I was a little worried that I was over-sharing, a bit extreme.’ Sarah said sheepishly to Matt and Hanna after everyone was told to enjoy the party by Loki.

‘Not at all. I hit a dog by accident with my car a few years ago, I was in such a panic I just drove off and left it… I heard later that it passed away. I felt awful, but sharing with everyone here helped me to get over it.’ Hanna shared.

‘I had anger issues when I was younger, I was ashamed that I had beat up my then girlfriend. I did get therapy to help get through my anger, but I’m not ashamed anymore. Loki and everyone here forgave me, and it’s helped me to move on. Helped me to realise that I can’t help who I am, but I can work on bettering myself.’ Matt said.

‘Jen had a baby about four years ago, but couldn’t cope so abandoned the baby outside of a hospital. Casey posted nude pictures of her boyfriend online after a nasty breakup, causing him to lose his job… What I’m trying to say is, that we all have something we were ashamed of, but it’s ok because we are only human. We make mistakes, it’s what we do in the present and the future that counts. And being around the right people.’ Hanna said.

Sarah nodded, she was surprised hearing these stories, but felt really accepted and that she might just have found where she belongs. ‘I never thought I’d be able to share my story with anyone, but it just kind of felt… right.’

‘That’s how you know you’re meant to be here, with us. As one of the family.’ Loki had sneaked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, giving her a squeeze as he spoke, making her jump slightly but she relaxed when she realised who it was, though her heart did flutter a little from his closeness.

‘Is there anything you need us to do tonight, Loki?’ Matt asked him.

‘No, not at all. I just want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, get to know our new family.’ Loki smiled as he moved to stand next to Sarah.

‘I’ll drink to that!’ Hanna cheered and held up her drink.

Loki chuckled and turned to Sarah. ‘I see your cup is empty, come on, let’s get you another drink.’ He motioned towards the bar.

Sarah went with Loki to get a drink, getting a funny look and a wink from Sophie as she walked away, Sarah just shook her head at her.

Loki began pouring Sarah a drink, he’d noticed what she was drinking earlier. When he handed the cup to her, he let his fingers brush lightly against hers, making her skin tingle.

‘I was impressed with the way you stepped up earlier to go first. Tell me, did you do it for Molly?’ Loki asked as he began pouring himself his own drink.

‘I uhh… yeah, I felt a little bad for her so thought if I went first, it would help her to see it was ok to do. I’m sorry if that was wrong, if I spoke out of term.’ Sarah said sheepishly.

‘No, no, not at all. I thought it was very brave and kind of you to do, helping out someone in need. I get the feeling, that’s the kind of person you are, someone that goes out of their way to help another?’

Sarah found her cheeks heating up, she wasn’t able to maintain eye contact with him, he was rather intense.

‘Thank you. Yeah, I guess I do like to help people when they need, if I can help, that is.’

‘That’s a good quality to have. However, I am guessing sometimes people take advantage of that?’ Loki asked knowingly.

‘It has happened sometimes. I try and avoid those people now.’ Sarah shrugged.

Loki nodded. ‘There’s a fine line between helping people and making sure they don’t take advantage. If you ever have any issues with anyone here doing that, please come and talk to me. I’d like to think that all of your brothers and sisters won’t do that, but if they do, let me know.’ Loki reached out and squeezed her upper arm.

‘Thank you. I will.’ Sarah smiled.

Andy and Maddie walked over to where Loki and Sarah were.

‘Welcome to the family.’ Andy said to Sarah with a smile.

‘Thank you. I’m glad to be here.’ Sarah grinned widely.

‘Setting fire to your school, must’ve been rather scary?’ Andy asked.

‘I don’t remember being scared, as such. I just remember being really angry. It wasn’t until afterwards that I started to feel guilty and ashamed for what I did.’

‘Ashamed no more, though.’ Loki assured her and she nodded in agreement.

‘Well, it’s not as bad as killing someone. I’m so glad to be over that shame.’ Maddie said in a stuck-up manner.

Loki raised his eyebrow at Maddie. ‘Assisting your terminally ill mother to die, under her own wishes, isn’t quite the same as killing someone in cold blood.’ He corrected her.

Maddie looked down and scratched the back of her head, then she shrugged. ‘Well, I still felt like a murderer for so long, until I found Loki. I owe him everything.’ She said giddily as she gazed up at Loki and fluttered her eyelashes.

Sarah noticed that Loki didn’t seem to take her on at all. He looked at Andy again instead. ‘Did you see Molly and Lisa out?’

‘Yeah, no need to worry about them.’ Andy nodded.

‘Good. Go enjoy the party, I’m just getting to know Sarah here a bit more. I’ll release her to everyone again soon enough.’ He grinned and winked at Sarah, making her cheeks heat up again.

Andy and Maddie looked a little put out, but they took Loki’s hint and wandered off, but not without a glare at Sarah from over Maddie’s shoulder.

‘Has anyone told you that you are adorable when you blush?’ Loki asked Sarah with a grin as he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, making her cheeks turn as red as a tomato.

‘Uh… no… not until now.’ Sarah giggled after getting over the initial surprise of his comment, making Loki laugh.

‘Well, you most certainly are.’ He winked at her.

Sarah found herself incredibly flustered and Loki enjoyed how he was able to make her that way with just a little touch and a nice comment.

‘So, what was your shame? Have you shared with everyone else, too?’ Sarah asked curiously. Even though he was the leader, she still thought he should at least be doing the same as everyone else and sharing his past deeds.

‘I have indeed shared. I did a lot of bad things back home on Asgard, almost killed the King of Asgard, my father. I killed many people from my own true kind, betrayed them. I was incredibly jealous of my brother and did bad things to spite him. Finding you all here, has allowed me to share in my shame and see a way forward from it. It’s a step closer to my curse being broken.’

Sarah just stared at him for a moment, trying to process what he’d told her. It hadn’t exactly been what she was expecting to hear.

‘You still don’t believe that I’m a God, do you?’ Loki smirked and raised an eyebrow.

‘Well… no, not really. I’m sorry, it’s just kind of hard to believe without solid proof.’ Sarah said honestly, she felt a bit bad for not believing him. She hoped that it wouldn’t cause any trouble for her if she didn’t believe him, maybe she should’ve just kept quiet.

He gripped her chin gently and gazed into her eyes, making all of her insides melt, and her knees turned to jelly.

‘Don’t worry, darling. You’ll have proof soon enough.’

#tom hiddleston #loki #loki x ofc #necessary evil #Loki fic

[myswimmingpewl]

Helloooo, someone said to do part two and you ask, you shall receive (p.s: to the person who asked for more of this thanks so much, I feel famous 😍)

So part two of what the ghosts reactions to Mary's sucking off tell us about them and their lives

Kitty acts all clueless and relys on pat to explain what's happening. She isn't actually stupid, she knows somewhat about what happened to Mary but her method of copeing is by pretending nothing bad is happeing. We see this with kittys sister. She was terrible but kitty chooses to remember her as really nice simply becasue it's easier than remembering her as who she really was. She does this with Mary too, she seems as though she doesn't know what's happening becasue she doesn't want to accept it.

Thomas is only focused on himself and how that can happen to him at any moment. Obviously, we know Thomas is very dramatic and self centered but this could be because of his life. In his head, he believed to be the best poet, loved my everyone when in reality, he wasn't great and people laughed at him (I also think that he was outshone by his cousin Francis). Similar to kitty, Thomas hides the truth in his head to feel better about him self. But even with this coping mechanism, he still knows that he isn't the world-renowned poet he always wanted to be so he is desperate to keep trying (why he went to Italy to find inspo and other places to show off). Seeing Mary being sucked off would have made him realise that it can happen to him at any moment and he was never successful (this is actually so sad 😭) so in reality, he isn't being selfish, he's just desperate to do something with his life (death)

Julian got really angry in response to Mary's loss. As a stereotypical politician, many things would have made him angry but he couldn't really show that in the media bcs it woukd make him look bad. He was then left alone with his anger. Also he says that someone else he knew was really angry after the death of a cat (?), so angry they had to "hide the nuclear launch codes" potentially he's mirroring that behaviour becasue it's the only way he saw people reaction to loss previously (tbh I have no idea with Julian I'm just winging it lmao if you know anything else, go with that😭😭)

And humphrey was clueless until the end of the episode😭 I suppose this could mirror how he was clueless about Sophie's plot but I think I'm thinking too much into this😭 ALSO the fact that captain volunteered to tell humphrey the news shows how much he grew emotionally and he's not only capable of being in touch with his own feeling without hiding them but also to share them to someone

I think that's all the characters and yea slay follow me😍 (and see part one to this)

#bbc ghosts #themthere #six idiots #bbc ghosts mary #bbc ghosts julian #bbc ghosts thomas #bbc ghosts humphrey #bbc ghosts captain #mat baynton #simon farnaby #larry rickard #slay

[cray-cray-anime]

Who to submit and vote for pluralsswagbracket?

RISE MIKEY

What makes him plural?

Well ofc his alters! And he has not 1, not 2

BUT FOUR OFFICIAL ALTERS/PERSONAS

And they all swag with the best scene of them

Dr feelings

Donnie: Uh, what is happening?

Mikey: Good Morning. I'm Dr Feelings. Welcome to my seminar, "Hug it out"!

Donnie: Dr Feelings? I thought you were Dr Delicate Touch.

Mikey: (evilly) Dr Delicate Touch feels nothing.(back to normal) Lesson one: Because I said so is not an answer. You need to learn a healthy way to express your feelings to your family.

Donnie: Yes, feelings. Hot, cold, sleepy, hungry - -

Mikey: (intterupts donnie by wacking donnie with his pointing stick)

Mikey: No. Feelings like anger. Remind you of anyone? (Shows a picture of donnie yelling at SHELLDON)

Donnie: Nope!

(Ominous music plays as Mikey gives him a suspicious look as he changes the channel to Splinter yells at Donnie, then he starts changing them all over as donnie slowly realises in horror)

Dr delicate touch:

Mikey: Bullhop, we're friends. So this will be easy to say. YOU'VE GOT TO GO! HIT THE BRICKS SLOPPY!

Bullhop:What? You’re kicking me out?

Mikey:That’s right! You have been working a nerve hozer!

Honestly just have the whole compliations

Dr positive

Draxum:Baron Draxum needs the help of no one!

Mikey:Oh really? When I found you, were you or were you not living on the street?

Draxum: Maybe.

Mikey:Powerless because your soul got sucked out by the dark armor, wanted for crimes in the Hidden City and who set you up in style?

Draxum:(sighs) Dr. Positive.

Miley:That’s right. Dr. Positive. The one who’s gonna turn you from bad guy to glad guy. From sad heep to happy sheep. From devil to A level baby.

Dr rude (IT WASN'T EVEN AIRED YET WE LOVE IT so just watch the whole thing (def not cos I'm too lazy to type the transcript)

A couple even made fics on him having DID disorder

This is my favourite which even mentions one not said in the show of "ninja mode"

and this one mentions mikey's DID

Why would he have DID

"There are a variety of triggers that can cause switching between alters, or identities, in people with dissociative identity disorder. These can include stress, memories, strong emotions, senses, alcohol and substance use, special events, or specific situations"

Which MIKEY DOES (quote from rottmnt wiki)

"To deliver a harsh truth in his "Doctor Delicate Touch" method, Mikey often starts off being sweet, but quickly becomes angry and frank ("Man VS. Sewer").

Doctor Feelings uses his emotional intelligence to advise others ("Breaking Purple"),

and Mikey faces issues with determined optimism as Doctor Positive ("Repairin' the Baron").

And well dr rude wasn't aired and was only when he was pretending to be a villain

BUT myyyy personal hc is that mikey gets burnt out from his alters trying to keep the dysfunctional family together and try to stop the distancing and fighting, as well as, the villains.

So to cope, another alter slowly comes out as dr rude

But hey why would he have DID, isn't it usually from trauma?

Ya telling me

a family raised in the sewers

who hasn't seen anyone like them in several years

with a traumatised dad that's not emotionally available

and villains trying to kill you and your brothers regularly

not traumatising?!

As for the swag, honestly he speaks for them self (or selves). LIKE LITERALLY NOT EVEN THERE THAT LONG AND WE ALREADY LOVE THEM

So y'all submit for mikey TO GET HIM IN FOR THE VOTES

@pluralswagbracket

Edit: MIKEY GOT IN

This is gonna be pinned till the whole thing over

Edit 2: IF MIKEY AT LEAST WINS AGAINST YOU KNOW WHO THAT BEAT OUR AUTISTIC TURTLE I WILL PUT MY DRAWING OF MIKEY ON MY SIDEBLOG @cray-who-nah-im-just-crazy-a-wip

#Youtube #rottmnt #rottmnt mikey #rise mikey #rottmnt donnie #rise donnie #rottmnt baron draxum #rise baron draxum #breaking purple #bullhop #reaparin' the baron #rise tmnt #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph #rise michelangelo #rottmnt michelangelo #michelangelo #plurals swag #rise donatello #rottmnt donatello #rise draxum #rottmnt draxum #unpause 2018 tmnt #save rise tmnt #DID mikey #did disorder #cray cray anime post #cray cray anime analysis #cray-cray-anime hc #mikey has DID

[themonotonysyndrome]

omg i keep thinking about how castin would look while fighting UGH.

but also i keep thinking about soft and worried castin. he’s been so open with us and pushed through emotions to tell us such deep and personal things before, i can’t wait for the baroness to do the same with him.

could we maybe get some headcanons on how castin would react to hearing about some trauma from the baroness for the first time? nothing specific in terms of the trauma so that it’s interpretable for each person, but how would he react? anger, sadness, etc etc?

hope you’re doing well, i love your writing so so so much!!!

Castin in a fight? Well, at least when he's sparring?

Shirtless. Sweaty. Serious. Growly voice when barking out orders. His eyes are hard as he scans around.

You know it, Anon!

But a soft and worried Castin, eh? Sure! Let's give it a go! Also, I'm very happy that you enjoyed my writings. You made my day.

Emotional headcanons where the Baroness reveals a traumatic scene to a worried Castin

Let's set up the scene first: Castin and the Baroness have adapted to each other well, the communication between the two is growing stronger with every passing day, and they understand each other a lot more now.

But the stark difference in cultures and upbringing between them is still unavoidable, so when the Baroness casually shares how 'rigid' her upbringing was (think of cruel diet control by her governesses at the age of 10 & etc) while the two are walking through the gardens, Castin suddenly feels chilling. Despite how warm the day is.

Our man is lowkey in distress as he stares at his wife, who is distracted by freshly bloomed flowers.

"Babe... that's... that's not right. You know that right?"

"Hmm? Oh my. Why do you look so spooked Castin?"

Castin can't believe what he's hearing; can't bear that his wife is comforting him. He should be the one doing so!

He gently grabs her hand so they can sit at a nearby bench among the trees. Somewhere quiet and private for a much-needed talk.

"Castin, please. Why do you look so sad?"

"I've heard a lot of stories from the soldiers. Do you know that one of the ways that people cope with traumatic events is conditioning themselves to accept it as the norm? It's horrifying, but I guess that's human nature."

"An apt survival method if I ever hear one. But what is this about, husband? Is one of your soldiers struggling to adjust to civilian life?"

"No. No, baby. I'm talking about you."

"Me?"

The Baroness is genuinely surprised and confused. What traumatic events did she go through other than she became a hostage during the siege of the palace?

Seeing her expression honestly breaks Castin's heart. He had so many support groups, and so many people who loved him. People were there to help him pull through after the death of his mother and during the war. To now realise that his wife doesn't have that privilege? It's tragic.

"I'm really sorry to be the one who say this, but, sweetheart... you were abused as child."

"Abused? Don't be absurd, Castin. Every children within the Imperial Noble Households went through a set of rigorous upbringing. It's tradition. It's just how it is."

"Starving a child shouldn't be a lesson! That's cruel; simple as that. And I hate that the Empire normalises that."

The fact that the Baroness still couldn't grasp how horrible that was just made Castin burst into tears.

He'll cry for the loss of her childhood innocence. He'll lament for every time the love of his life was abused and isolated all in the name of traditions.

Because from now on, Castin is not gonna let her or any of their children suffer the same way and he'll fight against traditions themselves if he has to.

#monotony's rambling #desmond asmr #headcanons #castin hammer #baroness (listener)