#I was never meant for no simp september

[wlntrsldler]

thinking of you're on your own, kid and luke x reader.

warnings: fluff, friends to lovers, luke being a simp, hurt, betrayal.

i. summer went away, still, the yearning stays.

your first summer at camp half-blood was a whirlwind, as you assumed it was for anyone who finds out that they are a child of a god. you were one of the older ones, you've come to learn soon after arriving. at seventeen, you were years behind many of the children who inhabited the camp. still, you were treated like anyone new who entered.

you were greeted by the head counselor of the hermes cabin-- luke, he said his name was. it was an easy enough name to remember, but you knew him as the boy whose eyes looked honey-brown in the sunlight, whose lopsided smile made you feel a pit in your stomach, and whose voice made your head spin.

you'd gone to summer camp before. you knew what it was like to have a summer crush. in the third grade, you met a boy named evan kim in asheville. he always had his nose buried in a book. his glasses would slip down the bridge of his nose and he pushed them up with his index finger without skipping a beat. you found comfort that you could sit beside him under the shade of the tree beside the dining hall, not saying a word, just reading.

but the haze of summer subsided as the leaves on the trees changed colors, and by september, you could hardly remember what he looked like. and when he didn't return to camp the following year, you forgot all about him.

but camp half-blood was different, of course it was. and luke was different, of course he is. he stayed with you longer than he had to, but you didn't know that at the time. after all, you were new. you didn't know that all luke had to do was show you around on your first day.

he found you sweet. and really pretty. he loved how the tips of your ears turned a shade of pink when he said your name (he said it too often after he learned it, it just felt right rolling off his tongue). he loved how you smiled at him, looking up at him (he was thankful that he had a growth spurt the summer before he met you), and the crinkles beside your eyes were on full display. he loved how you giggled his name when he did the stupidest things (he did it to make you laugh; chris rolled his eyes, fondly, every time.)

the entire summer, he spent glued next to you. the campers knew that if he wasn't at training or doing his duties, he would be wherever you were. that often meant sitting at your feet while you read under the tree by the lake. too often, you'd rarely get any reading done because luke would ask you questions about yourself. he asked about your life outside of camp (what's your parent like? what kind of school do you go to? do you have a boyfriend? when you answered no to the last one, luke internally cheered.) sometimes he'd read over your shoulder, or ask you to read an excerpt to him, but he never brought his own book to read. he much preferred to watch you.

when you were claimed by your godly parent, luke feared that you'd stop hanging out with him as often (or really, stop letting him follow you around like a love-sick puppy.) because you'd prefer your own siblings' company. but he let out a breath of relief when he found you sitting under the tree the following day, reading your book.

you heard his footsteps, ones you've grown to love, and the sounds of the grass crunching under the soles of his shoes.

you grinned at him (with the smile you reserved for him), "took you long enough, castellan. thought you weren't gonna show."

he took his usual spot sitting diagonally at your feet and smiled, "there's no place else i'd rather be."

so yeah, you'd been to summer camp before. you'd had summer infatuations before, but not like this. not like luke.

when it was time for you to head back home after summer ended, you promised to return the next summer. you promised him that you'd write letters and he made a joke about how it was just like those romance books you read. he didn't miss the way your eyes widened in shock at the comparison. unable to speak, you kissed his cheek goodbye.

at that, luke made a promise to himself that next summer, he'd tell you how he felt.

ii. i waited ages to see you there.

luke waited for your return that summer. he'd grown bigger over the months since you last saw him. he was more muscular, more confident. the girls at camp were taking notice of it. sure, luke had always been a good-looking guy, but there was something about him now that made his charm undeniable. (he would never admit it, but the entire time you two were apart, luke was dedicated to making himself better for you. he wanted to impress you.)

annabeth rolled her eyes at the new-found attention her brother was getting and made it her mission to humble him every chance she got. luke made it clear to her that the attention would never get to his head. there was something unspoken there, but annabeth knew. the only attention luke wanted was from you.

she found it cute, a little gross, but cute nonetheless, so she waited with luke at the entrance of camp-half blood for you. when the sun set and there was still no trace of you, annabeth didn't comment on how luke's shoulders were slumped as they walked into camp together.

luke had faced a lot of disappointment in his life. from not being the perfect child his father expected him to be, to returning to camp as a failure after his quest, he'd gone through a lot of disappointment; far too much for a nineteen-year-old to bear, but this one was the worst of it all.

he skipped dinner to retire to the hermes cabin early. he pulled out a shoebox from under his bunk, the place where he stored all the letters you sent him over the months you'd been apart. he read through them, trying to figure out if you gave any indication of not returning to camp. but there was none.

at the end of every letter, you had written a countdown until you were back at camp. luke's excitement grew as the numbers on the bottom of the page dwindled to a week, the last time you sent him a letter. the last letter was about your eighteenth birthday. you had dinner with your friends from home and received new books to read for when you were at camp. (luke had a top three; he was really hoping you'd read them to him.) in the letter, you also managed to sneak him a polaroid of you before you blew out the candles on your cake. on the bottom of the photo, in your lovely handwriting, you wrote: "for luke."

he kept the picture in his wallet since he first got it.

as he was reading through the letters again (the paper was falling apart between his fingers. he had re-read your letters too much over the months because he missed you so much), annabeth came running into the hermes cabin. she was out of breath and luke could barely understand her. but when your name, "another kid," "grover," and "hurt" left her lips, luke ran out of the cabin to find you.

when he saw you lying on the bed, bloodied and bruised, luke's heart stopped. he ran to you, distressed, and held your hand, only hoping that you'd feel his presence. when you gave his hand a weak squeeze, luke smiled under the tears that spilled from his eyes.

as others tended to your wounds, luke sat there patiently, not once letting go of your hand. when you were finally cleaned up, luke let his sleepiness take over. he fell asleep on the uncomfortable, wooden chair beside your bed, making sure that he was touching you at all times. when his hand cramped from holding yours, he stretched out his fingers, letting his thumb rest on the pulse point of your wrist. he wanted to make sure you were really there.

waking up to a slouching luke castellan, face buried in the crook of his elbow as he snored softly, was arguably the best way to wake up on your first day of camp. softly, you moved your hand from under him and ran your fingers through his messy curls. he stirred under your touch and woke.

"thought you weren't showing up," his voice was deep. he cleared his throat to get rid of the drowsiness. "waited for you at the door."

"as you can see, i was a little caught up," you tried to joke, but failed when you winced. "ow."

"are you okay?" luke was fully awake now. his brows threaded in concern, his hand finding yours again. "do you need anything?"

"'m okay," you whispered, "or i will be, after i heal."

"you'll tell me if you're not okay, right?"

"of course, luke." you said, smiling. "don't you have better things to do than watching me heal?"

"no, nothing important," he replied. you knew he was lying. "being here with you is where i need to be."

iii. something different bloomed.

"can you read to me?"

it was one of those hot, sticky days at camp, but luke refused to get up from where he was laying on your stomach. sweat dripped down from his forehead, but he made no effort to wipe it away. he was too comfortable.

"sure, luke," you couldn't say no to him. you read a passage from the book you were reading (the book was from his top three) as luke listened to you. he hummed when you read a particularly well-written line. he made no mention of when you paused to highlight something. he waited patiently when you struggled with a few lines. you read to him until your voice was hoarse.

"you're a great reader," he said after you were done. "i always had trouble reading. the words get jumbled in my head."

"i wasn't always good at it," you confessed, closing the book and placing it next to you. you looked down at luke only to find him already looking at you. in the sun, his freckles were more prominent. they littered across his face. "when i was younger, i really struggled with it and it frustrated me a lot. but because i can't live with not being good at something, i tried really hard to get better. 'm still not the best at it. there are still moments when the words don't make sense in my head, but i learned to take my time when that happens. if i mess up, then i try again."

luke had a feeling that that last part didn't just apply to reading. he admired that about you. in the short time that he'd known you, he saw how determined you were. last summer, when he taught you how to sword fight, you stumbled a few times but never fell down. he must've spent hours on end with you because you wanted to learn. when he saw you in the infirmary on the first night after the attack on percy, he was thankful that he did that (even if his joints ached for days after.)

"have you heard from percy?" your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "are they okay?"

luke swallowed, "yeah, i talked to him and annabeth."

"are they okay?"

"they're okay," luke felt his voice betraying him so he let out an awkward laugh, "they're like an old married couple now. they're always bickering."

he was thankful that you laughed along with him. it was good that you didn't suspect a thing. he wasn't ready to tell you, not yet. he got up from where he was lying and sat up to face you. you smiled at him, reaching over to wipe the sweat off his brow.

"i gotta tell you something," you mumbled, eyes now looking everywhere but him. "promise you won't get mad."

"could never be mad at you," he said. his voice was sincere then. he meant it. "what's on your mind, darling?"

"i think i love you."

luke's face dropped, which you took as a rejection. with tears in your eyes, you began to fumble your words. you quickly got up, picking up the book next to you, and said some ridiculous excuse about why you had to go. you were about five feet away from him when luke realized what just happened.

he sprung up from his spot and chased after you, calling out your name with each step. he stopped in front of you and grabbed you by the shoulders, "where are you going?"

"luke, i don't really think it's fair that you're asking me that when you just rejected me."

"when did i reject you?" he asked. he racked his brain trying to figure out if his voice had betrayed him.

"i saw your face, luke," you sighed. "it's fine. i should've known. you're still just being nice to me because you have to be. i just got into my head thinking that you might like me, too, but it's okay if you don't. really, it is! i just need some time to wallow and-"

"oh no," he shook his head, "i was only upset because i was supposed to do it first."

"huh?"

"i was gonna tell you how i felt this summer, but since the attack, i didn't know when the right time was." luke wanted to kiss the cute look of confusion off of your face. he laughed, "i think i love you, too. was just upset i didn't get to say it first."

"oh."

luke really wanted to kiss you then.

"you love me?"

"mhm," he grinned, stepping closer to you. he moved his grasp from your shoulders to your waist. he pulled you in, letting his lips ghost over yours. "i think i do."

you placed your lips on his.

iv. you're on your own, kid.

"luke, what are you saying?"

"he has a plan," he explained, eyes wide and begging. it was only a matter of time before annabeth alerted everyone about percy. about him. "he has a plan for us."

"luke, you're scaring me," you said, backing up from him until you felt your back hit a wall. your hand found the cool metal of the blade he got you. your fingers wrapped around it, making you flinch.

this wasn't right.

you let go of your blade, letting your hands fall to your sides.

"no, no, darling, don't be scared," he said, "please, just listen to me. there's no time."

luke saw tears in your eyes and he cursed himself for making you feel this way. he tried to comfort you with his smile, but for the first time, it didn't work. you just stared at him; the same look of terror etched across your features.

he frowned, pleading, "please, just come with me."

there was a flicker of uncertainty in your eyes. luke thought, for a moment, that you would take his outstretched hand, that you would follow him and disappear into the night with him, that you would fight with him.

"no, i'm sorry, luke," you shook your head, "i can't. i won't."

his ears were ringing. he dropped his hand at the same time all of the commotion outside began. he looked at you, then at the door, panicked. his time was up.

he was on his own.

#luke castellan #luke castellan one shot #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan imagine #pjo #pjo spoilers #pjo tv show #pjo series #pjo fanfic #luke castellan x yn #luke castellan x you #luke castellan x y/n #frances song fics #frances writes

[ashifloof]

I posted 496 times in 2022

That's 494 more posts than 2021!

72 posts created (15%)

424 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@u2frommars

@buygoldby

@ztan-31

@couldnt-come-up-with-a-username

@callsign-dragonbaron

I tagged 364 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#emil blonsky - 117 posts

#arthur harrow - 104 posts

#moon knight - 95 posts

#she hulk - 59 posts

#reblog - 58 posts

#arthur harrow x reader - 39 posts

#tim roth - 14 posts

#she hulk attorney at law - 12 posts

#abomination - 12 posts

#ask - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 105 characters

#wanted to reblog this because you have to expect a lot more talos posts/reblogs when secret invasion airs

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Next SHE-HULK episode let's gooo

79 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

#4

Neck kisses headcanons, please

Hi dear Anon!

I'm so sorry for the long wait,I was in a bad mental state due to my mom passing away,but now I feel ready to write some stuff again. I hope you like it :3

-Arthur loves kissing your neck, something about his lips on your soft skin and hearing those little sounds of enjoyment coming out of your mouth make him go crazy

-he likes to comfort you with neck kisses,any time you feel down he'll give you some soft kisses on the neck which never fails to make you smile

-he's usually more of a private guy but sometimes he can't help but sneak a kiss onto your neck while being with the community,for example at dinner

-sometimes he gives you so many kisses that it starts to tickle,hearing you laugh will not slow him down but rather make him kiss you even more

-he trys not to leave any marks while kissing your neck but sometimes there will be one, secretly he likes seeing you covered in them for the community to see

-but he also loves his neck to be kissed by you, it's comforting to him,it feels like home

-your neck is really his favorite place to kiss you

125 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

#3

I can't be the only one is absolutely obsessed with Arthur Harrow.

Like I totally get the hype around Steven/Marc, but my stupid-ass, morally destroyed heart focuses on Arthur.

I'm currently waiting for fanfic authors to write Reader insert ffs of him. There

must be other Arthur simps out there,right? I'm so close to write one myself...

137 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#2

In honor of this amazing she hulk episode and Emil Blonsky I made these:

See the full post

239 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So do you have any nsfw Harrow headcanons 🤠? Because I love your work and I’d love to know how you’d think he’d be in bed. No problem if you don’t want to share tho.

Hey my friend

You probably meant to send this to one of the great fanfic authors whose work I reblogged , because I haven't written anything yet. But now that this was here in my inbox, I'll answer it ;) Hope you like it

NSFW WARNING

-Oh, Arthur,when it comes to nasty times he really is unpredictable

-one day he's the softest man you can imagine

-soft kisses,praises,you want it you'll get it

-one other days tho he's the exact opposite meaning he's turning into a beast

-then he's rough as hell and won't stop for a good while

-he is a big fan of begging,hearing you beg for him makes him go insane,he could listen to you whining for release for hours

- definitely a big fan of body worship,both giving and receiving

-he will make you feel like you're special, he'll definitely make sure that you know how beautiful you are to him

-also loves when you show him how special you are to him,he loves feeling like he's the "chosen one" also when it comes to bedroom activities

-loves when you scream his name,hearing his name leave your mouth makes him feel powerful

-can get lost in the power tho and can go overboard at times,but he'll always listen to you and if you say it's enough it's enough

-all in all, you're in for a fun ride with this man

262 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #God wtf hahahah

[sxmu-suma]

Daily Paragraphs 4 him<3

okay so like nobody when i tell u NOBODY made me fail last no simp september, like i was on that shit, but youuuu mf made me fail so fast. I love you so much, im really sorry if ive been rude to you in any way. I will always be by ur side through anything, sorry if u dont like me calling you babe, i wont! Your like the best person ever, I was thinking abt my first day of 5th grade sitting next to you, i couldnt stop laughing, mf i thought march was before christmas- Never leave me okay? yeah so i honestly like you so so so much, its insane. i will always choose u over anything. Its weird but like idk why but i can trust you, also WE'VE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR A YEAR NOW LIKEE- Ur like my everything. im sorry if these paragraphs are annoying you but i have to- im inlove wit ya babi boi. Like have my children sir. I love you so much and i always will, but i think its time i leave this world, ive been trying, i swear, but i cant stop thinking abt it. Do you prefer cookies or cake? Personally im absolutely scared to lose him. Because ive never loved someone like this b4. No ones ever treated me this way. But id say i like cookies. Yeah anyways,mf i have a whole playlist for u. LIKEE. Idk if i should call you babe, honestly scary. Ik we are young but can we make this a lifetime? honestly im so inlove w u. Everything abt u makes me so happy, you are all i want, and i'd rather spend my whole life w u than everyone else. Your prob not meant for me bc ur like so but like<33333333333 js something abt u makes my heart spin around in circles. Nobody NOBODYYYY gives me butterflies mf, u turnt me red like 4000 times in one day. i cant i fell inlove with u, and ur so special to me, im genuinely scared to lose you but you can leave me if you want. honestly kinda wanna rob an orphanage rn. sorry but like when i met you RED ASFFF MAN U DONT EVEN KNOW THEN I WENT SCREAMING TO FIONNA LIKE- she knew i like u from like day one lmfao. u fine asf babi boi ngl LMFAO SORRY- Anyways u lighten up my day bc ur such a baddie, im gonna stop now i think uncomfortable with these.

[theaudacitytowrite]

6 Months on this hell site (endearingly) called tumblr... I am flabbergasted how quick time went bye!

I don't really have a celebratory fic I can post, or another special drabble request planned since my life is a bit chaotic atm and I still have to fulfill some fic requests.

So for now I just want to thank you all, my 826 wonderful followers for supporting my writing. When I posted my first fic on here I never imagined so many people actually enjoying my writing. Thank you for making these past 6 months one of the best of this year. I met so many incredible writers and artists and especially friends on here and I'm so thankful for that 💚

And since I like numbers and stats, here are some of my blog:

Works in total: 96, that means 3-4 uploads a week

Fics: 33

Drabbles: 10

Incorrect Quotes: 53

First fic ever posted: Poison, on the 28th of June

My fave fic I have written: Fallacy's Deception, posted 07.September; I still love it to bits... tho I should read over it again some day and correct some mistakes...

My least favorite fic: Wake up!, posted 04.July; my only Bucky x Reader fic and it probably be the last too

Fic with the most notes: Sweat Dreams, posted 27.October; my first 18+ story! I was sooo amazed how well it was reiceived!

Fic with the least notes (not including series): Volatile TImes Part 2, posted 26.September; Part of my 250 Follower celebration

Fic that surprised me by how well it was received: Disclosure, posted 08.August; I never meant to write a Dad!Loki fic and yet here we are, where this innocent little request started a whole series

Fic I thought would do better: Sting, posted 13.November

The last fic I posted: Fun and Games, posted 26.November

My biggest "fans" according to tumblr: @chloeparker26 @anemois-hiraeth @brilliantminds19 @scram1326 

That's it for now. Here's to many more fics and to a lot of joy on here!

Taglist: @lucywrites02 @funsized-mimi @gaitwae @variant59 @austynparksandpizza @tinctureofmaddness @user13cabs @marvelfanfn2187a113 @1marvelnerd3000 @lunalavenderfairy @onlyforloki @that-one-girl-that-simps @donaweasley @plainlo-inthemorning @with-inked-solace @darkacademicfrom2021 @sititran @handmaiden-of-mischief @donttouchmylaevateinn @lostgreekgod @msturi2u @the-simp-of-mischiefff @high-functioning-lokipath @stars-and-moondust7 @sayairene​ @dead069ssworld @agentkinghorn @sarahpaq08 @schizonephilim @loki-is-my-love @thewindandthewolves  @cosplayingwitch @sylvies4ever @kellatron55 @lokistoriesblog @anemois-hiraeth @scram1326 @thegingeravengersblog @elius-learns-to-write @songbirdspeaks @muskan2354marvel @sunsetswervesworld @tinytravisty @nothingbutpainandcrys @youkaibait @flimsysquid @crazzycrackers04 @saltybadb1hhhh @lindsey-laufeyson @ethanshide @delaber  @anonymousfiction211 @iamalinarose @xorpsbane  @khena @not-your-bitch 

#6 months on tumblr #a big thank you!!! #loki x reader #my stats so far #loki fandom

[puckbuddies]

4 times Mat was caught simping by his friends and 1 time you caught him.

Mat Barzal x reader 

4375 words 

Thank you to @smiley-svechnikov for helping me with it :)

September 30th

When Anthony walked into Mat’s apartment, he expected to find his teammate on the sofa. What he didn’t expect however, was to find Mat laying on the sofa reading a book. He’d never in their however many years of knowing each other seen Mat read a book for fun. Tito had come over to see if Mat wanted to grab some lunch together on their day off but now his interests had changed.

Mat still hadn’t noticed the presence of his friend, being too concentrated on what he was reading to pay attention to his surroundings. Hearing a cough broke him out of his trance and made him let out a startled noise. Shooting up from his position on his couch, he came eye to eye with the blue eyes of his favorite teammate. If he hadn’t been so caught if guard, he would have noticed the impressed look in them.

“You scared the shit out of me.” was the only thing Mat could think of to say at that moment.

Tito let out a laugh at his reaction.

“How about you scaring me? I come over here to find you reading. Like an actual book, are you okay Barzy?”

Mat knew that Tito was just teasing him but he still rolled his eyes in over dramatic Barzal fashion. He’d read books in the past. Granted they were about hockey, but they were books nonetheless.

“Y/n just finished this one and she’s been talking about it all week. I figured I could just read it so I actually knew what she’s talking about next time. It’s longer than I expected it to be so it’s taking more time that I planned.”

Tito’s eyes widened slightly. Mat said it so casually, as if that was a normal thing to do for someone who was supposedly ‘just a friend’.

Obviously he didn’t believe it when Mat told him that. There was no way you and Mat were just friends. But Anthony wasn’t someone who meddles in others people’s business. Besides, he didn’t want to put any pressure on yours and Mat’s friendship in case the two of you hadn’t figured it out yet. However at this moment he couldn’t help himself.

His scoff confused Mat who didn’t feel like he’d said something strange.  His look of confusing forced Anthony to explain.

“Oh come on, you’re reading a book for her. Don’t act like everything is normal. I can ignore you paying for all her drinks and you giving her your sweatshirts when she’s cold but I can’t ignore this. You have to see it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

And he really didn’t. Mat was clueless as to what Tito was hinting at.

“You don’t have to tell me anything but just think about it. You are reading a book she likes and she hasn’t even asked you to read it, surely that means something. I came here to ask you if you wanted to get lunch but from the Taco Bell on the table I see you’ve already eaten so I’ll just leave you to it.”

All Mat did was let out a noise of agreement before his teammate was out the door. He stared at his book with a vacant look for a while trying to process what Tito meant with what he said. Suddenly he didn’t feel like reading anymore. Leaving the book on the table next to his empty wrappings from before, he took off to take a shower.

Mat Barzal was simping before he even realized he was.

December 12th

Mat didn’t really think about Tito’s words much longer. They were out of his head as soon as he was out of the shower. That was a couple of weeks ago and nothing had changed in the way he thought about you. He still called you after every game to let out his happiness about winning or to discuss the things he could’ve done better.

Tomorrow however he wouldn’t have to do that anymore seeing as you were flying out to stay in New York for a week. And Mat was fucking excited about it. He hadn’t seen you in person since September when his training camp started and you had college to attend, and that was almost three months ago.

September was always the hardest month to go through. After spending practically the entire off season in Vancouver together, being in different countries was a big change.

Mat could barely contain his excitement driving to the airport. Messages were just not enough anymore when he got to talk to the real you in approximately 20 minutes. Seeing you standing at the airport with your bags waiting for him to pick you up, all he could think about was how it was all worth it.

~

His feelings of excitement continued all throughout the next day as well. He’d never had as much trouble taking his pregame nap as that day.

But getting ready to leave for the arena, he felt good. On the one hand he was nervous because he wanted to play well, but on the other hand having you there calmed him down like nothing else could. He was feeling confident in himself and the team and was sure they were going to pull out a win.

You on the other hand, were shitting it. It had been a while since you had seen Mat play in real life and you really wanted him to win. More than that you wanted him to enjoy himself and winning was a lot more fun than losing. On top of that Mat had insisted you sit with the Wags who you didn’t really know all that well. He’d assured you they were all great and while you believed that, you still felt like you’d be an outsider. It might look like you were his girlfriend -you were wearing his jersey after all- but you certainly weren’t and you weren’t sure if you could handle any questions about your relationship.

You decided you should tell him how you felt in an attempt to calm yourself down. So when you got into the car to drive to the arena the first words out of your mouth were: “Mat I’m nervous.”. You knew you were overreacting and felt a bit silly for being this nervous when Mat was the one who actually had to get on the ice and do something.

Mat however never made you feel stupid about anything, not even something as small as this.

“Why? You just have to go meet some new people and absolutely amaze them with your personality, which by the way comes naturally and takes you no effort because you are amazing, and then I’ll spend the rest of the season answering questions about when I’ll bring you around again.”

His words were teasing but you knew he meant them and it still helped you feel more at ease about the situation you were about to find yourself in.

“How about this, I’ll walk you up to the box so you don’t have to go in there alone.” He continued still sensing your anxiety.

Your heart swelled up at the suggestion. Mat just kept amazing you with what he was willing to do for you.

“Would you not be late if you do that?”

“Nah it’ll be fine, I’ll just have to get dressed a bit faster.” He hesitated after that and turned to you with a smirk on his face. “Or I could just drive a little faster.”

This caused you to panic and slap his arm closest to you. “No you can’t do that! We won’t even make it to the arena.”

Mat let you his typical laugh at that and the last of your worries flooded to the back of your mind.

When you arrived, Mat kept his promise and went with you to meet the Wags for the first time. You might have not noticed the smile on his face after he hugged you and once again whispered in your ear that it would all be fine, but they sure did.

 December 13th

When you woke up the next day, you felt a little bit of a headache coming up. The Isles did manage to pull out a win the night before and Tito practically forced you and Mat to go out and celebrate with the rest of the team. While you really liked the other Wags, you were still a bit uncomfortable holding a conversation with them so you had decided to drink just enough to take the edge off.

You thanked your past self for being responsible and for not trying to keep up with Mat, who drank a lot more than you did. You still didn’t understand how that boy could drink so much and still be able to walk. Thinking back to last night, you felt it was a good idea to go check up on him and see how he was doing. Making the short trip to the other side of the hallway didn’t take much time even if you did stop at the bathroom to check your reflection. When you reached your destination, you were surprised to not see Mats face staring back at you from his bed.

Checking up on the kitchen and living room, you still couldn’t find Mat and you were starting to get a little worried. He hadn’t left the apartment after you went to sleep had he? Pulling your phone out to send a quick message to Tito asking if he’d seen Mat, an unread message from the boy in question caught your attention.

“Getting breakfast, be back in 20.”

received 18 minutes ago

Okay, so you were worried for no reason. At least you knew where he was now.

You settled down at the kitchen island and entertained yourself with your phone until Mat came back about ten minutes later.

“You’re about six minutes late Barzal. Any excuses?” was what you opened with once you saw him come into the kitchen.

“You know, funny story because you said that to mock me but I do actually have an excuse.”

You looked at him expectantly and he looked back with a playful expression on his face. When he doesn’t say anything else for a few moments you notice he has his hands behind his back. Looking back up at him, you raise an eyebrow to signal for him to continue.

Your whole face lit up when he pulls breakfast from behind his back along with a small bouquet of flowers.

“Oh my god you got me flowers? Why would you do that?”

“Apparently there’s a new flower shop next to the place I always get my breakfast and these were in the windowsill. I know they’re your favorite so I couldn’t not buy them.”

The last of his words were muffled as you jumped up to give him the biggest hug possible, thank yous coming out of your mouth for the next minute. As you finally settled down to eat together after a while, you couldn’t stop smiling. You still couldn’t believe Mat got you flowers.

After cleaning up the dishes you took to Instagram to post the beautiful bouquet on your story. And when Mat got a phone call from one of your mutual friends that night to taunt him about the flowers, he began to understand why people always called him out on his actions.

 June 2nd

You knew going out the day before was a bad idea. Mat had invited you to the lake with him and a couple of his friends and because you couldn’t say no to him, you went. And you got sunburned. It wasn’t your fault really, you had applied sunscreen at least three times but it happened to be exceptionally hot that day. Besides that, being out on the water for four hours didn’t make the situation any better.

It was mostly your back that was hurting and it prevented you from finding a comfortable position in your bed. After another painful turn you decided that you needed to go find a bottle of after-sun asap. Turning on the bathroom light you came into contact with your reflection for the first time that day. Your face and arms were slightly red but your back somehow looked even worse than it felt. Silently cursing Mat for convincing you to go out and yourself for not putting up more of a fight you opened the cabinet door in search of the bottle that would relieve you of your pain.

Except you couldn’t find it, neither in that cabinet or the next. It occurred to you that you might’ve left it at your friend’s house when you last went swimming. Concluding that you weren’t going to find it in your room, you went to your parents bathroom. Alas, the universe had apparently decided that today wasn’t your day as you couldn’t find anything. Your luck got even better as you remembered your parents were out with friends and had taken the car so that you couldn’t even go to the store to buy a new bottle.

Going back to your room to find your phone, you saw that it was only half past eight. Part of you felt guilty having to call Mat at such an early time to help you out somehow. The other part of you felt like it was at least a little justified as it was him you asked you to stay out in the sun. You sent him a text anyway asking if he was awake yet. It took a while for Mat to reply but when he did you took no time to call him figuring it would be easier to beg him that way.

“Hello?”

His voice wasn’t as deep as it usually was in the mornings. It even sounded like he was a little out of breath. Deciding to not waste any more time you got straight to the point.

“What are you doing right now?”

The reason why Mat was out of breath was because he was training with Tyson that morning. Looking back it hadn’t been his smartest decision to agree to an early morning workout after not having slept a lot the night before.

“I’m training with Tys today. Why? Is something wrong?”

“Oh no I’m fine, I’m just dying a slow and painful death at this moment.”

Mat’s first instinct was to panic at your words until he realized that you had to be fine if you had the option to be that over dramatic. Before he could respond though, Tyson called for his attention.

“Are we running or what?”

Waving him off with his hand Mat turned to speak to you again.

“I’m kind of busy right now but I’ll call you back after if you want me to?”

“No please I actually need your help.” Your response came very quickly and it peaked his interest.  “I am really fucking sunburned and I’ve searched my entire house but I can’t find any after-sun. On top of that my parent apparently enjoy to see me suffer because they’ve taken the car so I can’t go to the store. I guess my question is if you would maybe perhaps please go to the store and pick up a bottle for me?”

Your voice had gotten higher as you came to the end of your little speech clearly indicating that you needed something from him. Even though Mat couldn’t see your face, he knew that you were putting on your best puppy eyes.

“ I’ll go to the store after I’m done here.”

“But that’s still so long.” You whined dragging out your last word. “I’m actually in a lot of pain and you are my only hope right now. Please Mat.”

He could argue all he wanted, but deep down Mat knew that he’d made his decision already. He couldn’t say no to you even if he tried. He sighed and at that moment you knew you’d won.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” you sang happily through the phone.

“Yeah yeah only this one time though.”

His words had no truth behind them. And now he had to explain to Tyson why he had to quit their workout after only forty minutes.

When Mat turned around, he found Tyson already looking at him with a smirk that Mat had become quite familiar with in the last year or so and it was reserved specifically for these types of situations.

“So I actually have to go right now, y/n needs my help.”

This caused Tyson to burst out laughing.

“Barzy you are so incredibly whipped.”

Mat only rolled his eyes in response knowing it was useless to try and change Tyson’s mind. He packed up his things and made an effort to avoid eye contact as he left the field.

 + 1.  Driving past the city lights made all the tension in your shoulders disappear. This has been just what you needed, only now realizing the stress of trying to find a job was really getting to you. The two-month break after finishing university was a well needed rest after four years of hard work but you were well aware that it couldn’t last forever. You had to start living your life now. Getting an apartment in Vancouver was far from cheap and finding a job was proving to be harder that you’d thought.

Sighing contently and resting your head on the window you turn to Mat. He looks ridiculously good driving his car under streetlights. If it wasn’t for the fact that you were so deep in the friendzone you could stare at him forever. But Mat being Mat had to ruin the peaceful atmosphere by belting out the lyrics to whatever song had just come on the radio.  

“Jesus Christ Mat, if I wanted to listen to off key singing I would just record myself.”

“Oh don’t do me like that y/n, you know I have the voice of an angel.”

“One that’s getting his wings ripped out maybe.”

Mat gave you an offended look.

‘Okay rude. Don’t forget who’s driving an hour to bring you to go stargazing in the fricking middle of the night. Don’t be ungrateful”

It was your turn to be offended now.

“Which was your idea must I remind you. But you are right, I appreciate it very much.”

He looked happy with your response as he went back to quietly singing along to the radio. It wouldn’t take too long for you to arrive at your destination. You recognized the signs by the side of the road.

Excitement filled your stomach. You hadn’t been at the lookout in a couple of months and while you knew Mat was joking about you needing to thank him, you were really grateful for him taking you. This specific lookout had been your happy place ever since you first discovered it when you were fifteen. And now being twenty-two, it still had an effect on you. Mats voice broke you out of your thoughts once again.

“So, you can tell me how much you love me when we get out of the car and under the sky. Unless your plan is to just sit in the car and look out the window.”

“Yeah no that is actually what I wanted to do, I’m so glad we’re on the same wavelength.”

Your statement was followed by a challenging smile that you regretted as soon as he sent you one of his own in return. You knew Mat was stubborn, annoyingly so. And now your stupid comment meant that he would not be getting out of his car until you took it back. In a different situation you would have sat like this for hours but on this specific night you really needed to see the stars to calm the doubts that seemed to follow you around.

“Just get out of the car.” You sighed while opening up the door on your side.

Walking to the picnic bench in the middle of the grass you could hear his laughter even before he got out of the car.

“How do you always know exactly how to get on my nerves Barzal?”

You didn’t have to wait long on his response.

“Because I know you. I have known you. For about ten years now. You might think you’re mysterious but you’re far from it.”

You chuckle at that, choosing to close your eyes and lay your head down on the bench. A moment of silence comes over both of you. Turning to face Mat you see he’s already looking at you.

“Tell me.”

Your reaction draws a small smile from him and you feel the sudden urge to run your fingers over his cheeks to try and capture it in your hands.

“I know that you did not want to come say hello when you moved into the house next to mine. I know that your dad forced you to and that you thanked him for it a year later because you met me.”

You almost pushed him off the bench for that but the smile on your face told Mat that you weren’t really annoyed at him. He stopped talking for a while after he heard it. Crazy how you could make him lose his train of thought by doing something so easy. He realized after a while that he should probably continue talking, more for his sake than yours.

“I know that your least favorite color is purple but that you don’t like saying that because it makes you feel bad. I know that you don’t like to put your hair in a ponytail because it gives you a headache. I know that your favorite book is the song of Achilles and that you get sunburned by being in the sun for like thirty minutes and that despite that you’re always out of after-sun.”  

His face turned serious after that.

“I know that coming here and watching the stars is your favorite way to calm down but that you’ve not asked me to bring you because you don’t want to bother me. I know that you’ve been extremely stressed thinking now that you’ve finished school you have a deadline to do all the adult things you feel like you’ve missed out on until now. I know that thinking about the future freaks you out and that all you want to do right now is just lay here and not go back home.”

You don’t speak after Mat finished his little monologue, trying to process what he had just said.

“But I know that you’ll be fine.”

This causes you to scoff. The fact that he was trying to reassure you was sweet really, but you knew that he couldn’t possibly be sure of that. Mat was great at pretty much everything he did, but no one could predict the future.

“Y/n I know that you don’t believe me but everything will turn out alright.”

“And how do you know that Mat? I appreciate you being here for me but the things I’m dealing with are slightly out of your field of expertise. I’m terrified that I’ve spend my entire life studying for something that I’m completely unprepared for. I have no idea what direction I want to go in with my professional career and I don’t have time to think about it because I need to find an apartment in like three months unless I want to live with my parents for the rest of my young adulthood. I can’t afford to wait much longer.”

“Move in with me then.”

Everything paused for a second. You almost asked him to repeat himself but the look in his eyes told you that you’d heard him right the first time. You took the time that it took you to slowly sit up from your position on the bench to collect your thoughts. Still you couldn’t come up with much more than “You don’t mean that.”

“I get that you’re stressed about everything right now, but you don’t have to be. I can help you figure it out.”

“Mat you’re not serious” you interrupted him. “I can’t ask you to babysit me, you have your own things to deal with.”

“You’re not asking me to. And I’m not babysitting you, I want you in New York with me as much you need an apartment.”

Your head was spinning even more than at the start of the evening. Moving in with Mat. It would be everything you’ve ever wanted. But it wasn’t like that. He wanted you there to take care of you as a friend. As much as it hurt you to say no to him, you knew that you couldn’t do it like that.

“Mat I can’t ask you to put your life on pause for me. I-”

“Y/n I love you. I have no idea how you haven’t figured it out by now because my friends have reassured me that I’ve been very obvious, but I. Love. You. I’ve wanted to ask you to move with me for an entire year now. I want you with me not to take care of you but to hold you and kiss you and reassure you. I want to give you the future you want. And I can give it to you.”

At this point Mat was furiously running his fingers through his hair and you were staring at him open-mouthed.

“I’ve probably fucked everything up by saying this but I can’t let you believe that you don’t deserve everything good the world had to offer.”

You couldn’t think. It was like your body was moving on auto-pilot. So it surprised you just as much as it did Mat when you jumped up to press your lips against his. You pulled back quickly though to start your own rant.

“Mat I want that. I want you, in Vancouver and in New York and everywhere you’ll take me.”

You didn’t need a reply. The way he kissed you told you that he was on board with anything you said. And you were so exited about it.

#mat barzal #mathew barzal #mat barzal imagine #Mat #Things I write

[raccoonpoptart]

i just imagined julian singing this to mc bc he would be the type to listen to the smiths but HATE morrissey so here we go short fic even tho i have stuff sitting in my ask box

gender neutral

warnings: mentions of death in the song and in this fic bc angsty boi is dramatic but make it. simp julian bc it’s the end of september, smoking

julian x reader (modern au where he has a band bc. why not)

❦

“This next song goes out to a special someone in the crowd tonight,” Julian held his hand up in attempt to quiet the crowd. “The one and only stunning y/n, I love you with my whole heart. You’re everything to me. So anyway, here’s a dumbass Smiths song!”

The crowd went wild with cheers and laughter. A blush painted y/n’s face as they stood in the front row, closest to the stage. They stared up at their boyfriend on stage and giggled as they saw him wearing his stage getup. Who knew someone could make leather pants look so good?

The band played with such passion and drive, but nothing could top the way Julian sang. He sang with so much love and devotion, warmth and something close to desperation.

And if a double decker bus crashes into us

To die by your side

Is such a Heavenly way to die

His voice rang through the room, people screamed his name but he could only look at y/n with adoration every so often.

And if a ten ton truck kills the both of us

To die by your side

Well the pleasure the privelege is mine

As the song came to an end, you couldn’t help but laugh at the lyrics. Of course he would choose something like this, but it still meant everything to them. Y/N blushed as they smiled knowing he meant every word of it, no matter how melodramatic.

There is a light that never goes out,

there is a light that never goes out...

~

Y/N took a drag from their cigarette and smiled at the sky. They leaned against the wall next to the back exit of the venue, thinking back to the song and laughing.

Driving in your car

I never, never want to go home

Because I haven’t got one

Julian felt like home. Every day y/n was able to spend with him felt like everything good in life combined, every good memory and feeling all in one. He felt like the sweet air after the rain, the calm of midnight...he’s everything to y/n. But they couldn’t help but still feel a little insecure. They could never understand why he was with them.

“Y/N!! My darling!” Julian’s voice called out as he noticed them. He excused himself from the group and made his way over.

Y/N quickly pushed away their thoughts and put out their cigarette to give Julian a proper kiss. “Hi, sweetheart! You did amazing, i’m so proud of you!” They held his face in their hands and smiled.

He blushed and grabbed their hands. “Thank you, love...I’m just so happy you’re here,” he placed a soft kiss to their forehead and continued. “Do you want to go somewhere?”

“Um, sure? Where?” They intertwined their fingers with his and tried to keep up with his pace, since he is almost 70% legs.

“The fields. I’ll drive.” He smiled.

~

Moonlight bathed Julian’s face as he stared into the distance, his chest rising and falling with each breath. Y/N couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful man, wondering how they got so lucky. They sat on a blanket together, hand in hand, just looking at the stars in comfortable silence.

“Y/N, can I tell you something?” He avoided eye contact, but still moved closer.

They smiled and kissed his cheek. “Of course, lovebug. What is it?”

Julian cleared his throat and shifted to face y/n, still looking anywhere but their eyes. “I know we’ve been together for a while now, but I just...” he trailed off and bit his lip.

“Sweetie, you can tell me anything,” They grabbed both his hands and left soft kisses all over his face. “I promise. It’s just you and me.”

Smiling softly, he finally met y/n’s gaze and nodded. “I know. I just wanted to tell you that you’re everything to me. I adore you so much, everything you do for me is always so amazing and I can’t see myself without you.” He kissed them softly, moved some hair out of their face and continued.

“I’m so happy that you’re with me. You’re the most amazing person i’ve ever met, everything you do is perfect. You’re so strong and you’ve come so far. I’m so, so proud of you! I know we’ve never said it...” He nervously played with the hem of their shirt.

Y/N’s heart started to flutter, and they smiled softly. “Julian...”

He took a deep breath. “Y/N, I love you. I really, really do. You’re so wonderful and i’m so lucky that I have you in my life. I love you!”

“Julian, I love you, too...I’m still not sure why you’re with me, but I never want you to leave me. Now that I have you, I never want to be without you. I love you so much.”

❦

(and end bc uhhhh i dont feel like writing more) HOPE U ENJOYED THE CHEESE

#the arcana #julian devorak #julian x reader #julian devorak x reader #Spotify

[death-himself]

Love is Dead—Chapter 2

Summary: Janus tells a gruesome story to Roman while trying to figure out why Patton looked so cute (aka Janus fails No Simp September)

Word Count: 1,139

Warnings: Blood, Stabbing, Talk of death

previous next (AO3 Link)

A week had gone by of Janus simply observing the family. They got along well with each other, and clearly trusted each other quite a bit. If he did something truly awful to one of them, the rest would surely believe it and decide to move out.

He spent most of his time observing Patton. He wasn’t sure why; Patton wasn’t even the one in the house most often. It would be much more interesting to try and find a way into Virgil’s room, and to get a proper look at the teen.

But no, he just had to watch this idiot study for three hours straight. That was what he had decided to spend his afterlife doing. As he sat on Patton’s desk, watching his blue eyes glance between his book and laptop, he couldn’t help but study him further.

Not just blue eyes, the color of a bright blue sky on a perfect day, the kind of day his mother would have forced him out of the house to enjoy. His shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair appeared soft and fluffy; Janus was tempted to reach out his hand and run his fingers through it. The freckles covering his cheeks looked perfect enough to have been painted by the gods themselves and—

Janus shook himself out of his stupor, confused by his own thoughts. What was he doing? What was he thinking? Why was he thinking those things? He drew in a deep breath, trying to calm his suddenly racing mind.

This was fine. It wasn’t unusual to find the person you absolutely despise to be at least a bit attractive, right? Janus hated the moron’s guts, but he still had the ability to tell when someone’s cute. Yes, this was fine. Why bother overthinking it? Overthinking got him nowhere.

He watched Patton for a bit longer, before the thoughts began to truly disturb him, and he had no other choice but to leave. He drifted into the kitchen, seeing Virgil with his hoodie covering his face grab a bag of chips before making his way back to his room. Janus floated after him, trying to follow him in, only to smack face first into his salt-crystal combo barrier. Something was definitely weird with that kid.

He opted to watch the twins instead; perhaps he could get a scream out of Roman.

But, after floating through the twins’ wall he realized: Roman screams a lot already. Remus was cackling with childish glee as he smacked his brother over and over with his foam sword. “Get off of me!” Roman screeched.

“Say that I won!”

“You cheated!”

“I won though!” Remus glanced up for a moment, eyes locking onto Janus, and his smile widened. “Mr. Ghost! Tell him I won!” Roman looked up to see who Remus was talking to, staring for a moment at Janus, before his eyes teared up and he began to cry and scream even louder.

“Oh come now, is the crying really necessary?” Janus sighed, moving closer to the two. Roman finally managed to worm his way out from under Remus, grabbing his pillow off his bed and chucking it at Janus. Obviously, it passed right through him.

“Evil see-through man!” Roman shouted, pointing accusingly at him.

“What made you think I’m evil?”

“The blood?” Janus glanced down at the bloody, torn cloak he had died in. Maybe now was his chance.

“Would you like to know how this happened?” He asked darkly.

“Can I touch it first?” Remus chirped.

“No.” He glared down at Remus for a moment, before regaining his composure, taking a seat on Roman’s bed. “You see, I was the owner of this house once. I inherited it from my father, actually. One night I was at the local theater rehearsing for a play.” His lips pulled into a sly smile.

“I remember you saying you wanted to be an actor one day, is that correct Roman?” The kid nodded hesitantly.

“I was rehearsing for this play, and invited my best friend home with me, home to this very house. He was meant to be my stand-in for if I were too sick to perform. I went up into the attic of this house to find some props we had needed for the play.” Janus ran a hand across his bloody chest and stomach, pausing for a moment to create some tension.

“When I turned around, there he was, holding a knife and with his eyes wide and manic. Then he ran at me and sunk his blade into my heart!” Roman whimpered, Janus simply continued.

“He stabbed me a few more times for good measure, then watched as I bled out. And that’s why, young man, you should be careful trusting. Anyone could be willing to kill for what you have. Maybe even your own twin.”

That’s what did Roman in. He glanced at Remus nervously, who decided to push his fear even further by lifting his foam sword in what seemed in Roman’s mind to be a threatening manner. He ran out the room screaming for Virgil, the sound of the teen’s door slamming open and closed ringing through the hall.

Janus smiled, proud of himself. While scaring a child wasn’t very impressive, it would help him get his house back. And that’s all he truly cared about. Patton peeked into the room, blinking in confusion as he looked around.

“Remus, what did you say to Roman?”

“Mr. Ghost said it, not me!”

“Okay...and what did Mr. Ghost say?”

“He said he was stabbed to death! Like this!” Remus proceeded to stab the air with his sword. Patton nodded slowly, concern in his eyes. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Okay, well uh...Mr. Ghost?” It was more than a little obvious Patton wasn’t actually trying to talk to Janus, but the idea that he was made the spirit listen.

“Please don’t tell Roman...or Remus about being stabbed? I’d really appreciate it.” The confusion in his tone made Janus want to laugh. He really had no idea what was going on, did he? The concern was a bit cute, though, he had to admit. Maybe he shouldn’t try and scare the twins—

No, the concern of an idiot shouldn’t faze him. He had no reason to care what he thought. Absolutely none.

The idiot in question then smiled brightly, coaxing his brother into putting down his sword and coming into the kitchen to prepare lunch with him. His smile was so frustrating. Janus went back to his attic, leaning against a dusty box with a huff. Why was he thinking of Patton’s smile? It was such a ridiculous thing to think about.

The idea of someone smiling at him like that was a pleasant one, though.

Maybe he’ll put aside all his plans for the twins for later.

Tagging: @rebelrewriter @arodynamic-enby @bullet-tothefeels (I’ve never done a taglist before, so you’re gonna have to tell me if this works)

#sanders sides #love is dead ghost au #moceit #janus sanders #ghost!janus #patton sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #kid!roman #kid!remus #blood tw #death mention tw

[kaimactrash]

https://www.deviantart.com/asterianmonarch/art/2020-Summary-of-Art-Template-Blank-860019847

Welp, it's been another year, 12 month, 52 weeks, like 360 something days, certainly happened... Even if I wish it hadn't in the way it had.... Oh well.

Arts about the only consistiantly positive elements in my life and I'd say I've made soem progress, tho not as much as I'd like.

So let's go month by month!

January features one of my neopets oc, Streeps, a wizard ixi! I loved, and still love, how this piece came together, the pose is fun, the background is atmospheric, and the colours are niceee, it's fun to play with simplistic background while I learn them!

Febuary we have my awful, terrible, conniving, bratty twins, Siann and Safaia. I love them so much, they're meant to be pretty low level villains in intelegence and physical strength, but both are very crafty and seem to be able to fumble their way to success now and then! This was both of them being redesigned and I'm so happy with it, feel like they look way more related now!

March brought my farewell project to su, one of the few fandoms I've made a bunch of fan art for, and that I've followed since the pilot dropped, I love and miss that show to this day, flaws and all, can't love paswg and say SU had too many problems. 😅😂

Speaking of problems, Rose...oooh boiiii is there some big issues with her actions and behaviours at times but... Damn is that one hell of a design, I mean both designs tbh, Dylan wouldn't have her ominous eye shadows in December's pic if Rose had never existed. 😂

Anyway I picked this one of my whole series bc I think it look nicest of the set, but I do still adore my Garnet pic that started the month, so honorable mention to that!

April brought the 6 fanart challege, bc 2020 is year of the challenge I guess 😂

Peach is such a comfort character, when ever I see her I just want a long hug, some how I don't think I've drawn her before seriously, so it was really nice to make some art of her, pretty sure this was the only one in the challenge with that level of shading. 😂 I need to draw peach again, feel free to suggest outfits of versions of her!

May has my redesign of shihosu, tbh I think that may be my favourite image of the whole year, I'm so proud of my development of her species and her individually and I love love love her, sadly I know I gotta simplify her a bit for ease while making the comic cuz she's important to the plot. But mmmm I am in love with her new design so bad.

June was a commission piece featuring a goregous monster design, find out more here https://www.deviantart.com/kaimactrash/art/Drawolfie-Trade-3-844906161 .

I love how it came out, I drew one sketch and the person asked me to change the pose and it was 100% the right descion, I love how the final piece came out ❤️❤️❤️

July is the introduction of two characters who I love very much and will be the main drive of the first arc in the frenrar comic! They're very personal and precious to me, and I hope I can do them justice in my writing and art!

August is a close contender of my fave of the year, but since it was a dtiys ill hold shihosu at 1st place. 😝

I had sooooooo much fun with that one, the colours the lighting, the pose, I'm just real happy with how it looks.

September I remeber being a month i was damn near unable to focus for more than a few hours, so kept making art I didn't love, but I quite like how the checkers piece with my oc Griep Tavros came out. I have a real soft spot for her and I'm really happy with her design.

October brought the OC-tober challenge, and so 31 days of art, still, the top spot was not as close as I'd expect, then again... I'm probably very bias to shihosu, I adore her.

November I simped for the milf witch Eda! I'd only watched a few episodes then, but now I've seen all of season 1 and I would die for eda, luz, and actually like 2/3rds of the cast tbh. 😂 I'd 100% checking out the owl house if you haven't yet!

And now, we find our selves in December.

I think this was the toughest month to pic as while I loooooove the Dylan pic, I do also love this pic of my new neosona, but Dylan won out, she's very good at getting her own way. 😂

#kai art #meme

[ellisvulcan]

VULCAN SELF-PARA 001

When: September 16, 2020

Who: @eeveecrmchl

Trigger Warnings: Car Accident, Death Mention

Today was supposed to be their third anniversary if they didn’t break up, but Vulcan meant it when he said he was here to stay, for her, to make up for the lost time and now fight for them. The mechanic has been obviously nervous most of the day, talking to the people he knew at the arcade. He had the place for them for their date as a favor from the owner and then was supposed to drive them to the very place where they had their first kiss to watch the stars. He remembers not being able to speak much that night, he could just listen to her forever, talk or sing about anything. V was really that kind of simp. He’s going to admit that. Though he’s never loved anyone like this before, he just knew deep down Eevee was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Now, he just needs to fix a couple of things, and most importantly, earn her trust back.

He kept pacing around his house for the next hour, making sure everything was according to plan. He wanted this to be perfect, to just make sure that Eevee’s going to have a great time. Chevie’s in the living room just watching him mumbling to himself and checking on his phone. He contacts the arcade for the third time, making sure they were all ready. He’s never felt this nervous before ever since the first time he was caught driving without a license, in fact, he felt more nervous now that that.

She should be here any second now. He was just on the couch cuddling with their Pomeranian to distract himself from the time. But it has been fifteen minutes…..thirty……an hour…..he’s starting to not feel good about this. If something has happened, Eevee would’ve texted Vulcan now. This isn’t like her. Without any hesitation he drove off to Laurel’s place first to leave Chevie with her before he started looking for the musician. Her car wasn’t at her place anymore, yet he still checked. No. She isn’t there. He was just walking out when he heard about a car accident close by. It can’t be. It fucking can’t be. He thought to himself.

Vulcan bolted to the scene and that’s where it instantly hit him, in a snap he felt his own heart drop. There are no words to describe what he was feeling. He felt….numb. What he could only hear is a static noise, the familiar sound of a machine flatlining when his mother died, when they tried to revive his stepfather. He doesn’t even know how he managed to drive to the hospital. The mechanic was obviously running on autopilot and trapped in his own thoughts.

I’ve lost enough already, I cannot lose you again. I cannot go through the same pain again, Eevee. Please. Please don’t leave me.

#self para #eevee and vulcan #evelyn carmichael

[eeveecrmchl]

September 16, 2020

( TW: CAR ACCIDENT, SERIOUS INJURIES, BLOOD )

Today would have marked three years and weeks ago, Eevee would have used it as an excuse to indulge herself in copious amounts of alcohol and whatever she could get her hands on to run through her system. Now, though; now she checks herself in the mirror, the smile on her face -- as genuine as she's ever seen it -- feeling foreign with her lips, curling in a way that seems to allude to a wonder as to why it's taken her this long to be this happy in the first place. It doesn't come without the risk, though, and Eevee would be kidding herself if she denies the terror that sits still in her chest when she thinks about all the ways this could go wrong, how Vulcan has her heart in his hands again and how easy it would be to wreck her once more.

But he's promised that he loves her, has shown it in ways that she hasn't seen anywhere else, and so whether it be foolishness or naivety, Eevee falls hard; fast; willing.

There's a giddiness about her that seems to radiate. They're going to celebrate today, actually celebrate it like they haven't spent the year apart. It hurts a little to think about; the denial is something she's at aware of being a little too careless with, but at this point, she doesn't care. Eevee gets to have this, gets to have him again and if that makes her stupid -- well, Evelyn Carmichael has never considered herself smart in the first place. She may come to regret this but there's vodka for that. Right now, there's a man that calls her his baby girl and tells her he loves her like it's a sin if he doesn't.

She's choosing door number two, Alex.

Her phone is in her hand and she resists the urge to send Vulcan yet another message because she's a simp and she apparently can't help but be giddy. She's going to meet him at his place since Chevie's being a little difficult lately and it's okay because his place is also home. Smoothing down phantom wrinkles on her dress, she twirls to check her reflection on all ends but all that really stands out is that love struck grin on her face and she'd have more shame in that if she really cared but this is basically her soulmate taking her out to celebrate an anniversary that's technically not an anniversary. It means something.

Down in the parking complex of her compartment, Eevee straps herself in her car. For once she's a hundred percent sober, not wanting anything to ruin the night -- whether it be being too wired and just not fully enjoying it or tweaking to the point the V would have to take care of her the whole night. Nope. This is about them and she's going to be the most Eevee she can.

The drive to his house is basically routine by now and so she loses herself in the drive.

She crosses a red and then there's an impact on her side, her own car flipping in the air. Eevee's upside down and the only thing she can register is the sound of crunching metal and the overpowering scent of rust. Her head feels heavy, dizzy in a way that has her eyes fluttering close. She tries to focus on breathing to stay alive even if her lungs are fighting against it.

--

Inhale.

There's sirens somewhere, she thinks. People screaming and she just wants them to stop. The noise is doing nothing to dull the jack hammer against her mind.

--

There's a jock in the quad and his tone is cruel, pointing at Tee who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else. "Look out, it's the campus whore." Eevee sees red, drops the tray she's holding and pushes through the crowd that decides to surround her best friend and his tormentor.

"You are fucking one to talk, Tyler," she practically screams out. "Do not come here with your big talk with your three inch jolly rancher." Chest heaving, she almost laughs at the whispers that start to build around them. Tyler walks away, pride tucked between his legs like the dog that he is. 

Good boy.

Eevee's at Tee's side at once, hand grabbing onto his and walking him away, back towards the parking lot and if any of the teachers have a problem with it, they can take it up with her dad. (They won't; he's an asshole.)

In her car, it takes a moment for her to calm down. "They do that shit again and I swear I'll start spreading all the nudes the football team's sent me," the threat is meant to lighten the mood. "I got you, okay? I swear I always got you."

--

Exhale.

She's out of the car. Eevee knows this because someone's carrying her and every part of her is screaming at them to put her down. It hurts. Everything hurts.

Inhale. --

Chance is walking out of the studio doors, the words hanging in the air. 'You guys are just wasting your time. This band will never go anywhere. Quit while you’re ahead.' Eevee can practically taste the venom he spits out and it shoots straight into her heart, settling in the cracks he's made. Her hand tightens around Sam's arm and she tries hard not to cry.

Eevee's losing her family and she's grateful as all hell that she still has at least a part of it left. She doesn't know what she'd do if she loses him, too. They're not incomplete -- just missing.

"We're going to be okay, right?" Her voice is small. Broken.

"We will. It's you and me always and forever, yeah?"

Sam makes her whole again.

--

Exhale.

They say she needs surgery and she needs to tell them to call her father. Someone needs to know where she is in case -- in case --.

Inhale. --

They're in his car and somehow Vulcan's managed to find a place high enough where she can see the stars. It reflects against her eyes and Eevee points out all the constellation she knows.

"Sorry, I get pretty lame about this," cheeks tint with embarrassment. Evelyn, please.

"No it's not lame. Tell me more?" So she does -- or at least she does until she catches him staring.

"What?"

"Nothing -- just -- you look -- beautiful's not even the word."

"Vulcan, the mechanic," and his name tastes sweet on her tongue. "You have a way with words."

"Says the one who writes a lot of music..."

"Yeah but your words make me happy so --."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

And he kisses her and that's end and the beginning of everything.

--

Exhale.

The light against the operating room penetrates closed lids. She tries to mumble something and all she hears is internal bleeding, punctured lung, possible brain injury.

They start to prep her.

--

Evangeline Carmichael holds her daughter between her arms, frail arms with strength of a mother's love. Eevee tries to place everything in memory: the way she smells, how soft she feels, and the warmth in her eyes. Truly, no one would ever love her more.

"You're going to be okay, right? Like me, you, and dad can still go upstate for Christmas?"

"My little Eevee, of course. I'll never leave you."

--

Inhale.

#car accident tw #serious injury tw #blood tw #eevee * / self para .

[ultimatemiamiplasticsurgery-blog]

A Disfigured Nose Does Not Predicate My Future

Rhinoplasty helped me finally talk to  quality women, really!.

Before I met my Miami plastic surgeons, I was common looking  black guy in my thirties. I played basketball in college and that is when I fractured  my nose when I slam-dunked the winning score and broke the so called shatter-proof  plexiglass backboard of the basketball hoop! Hell yeah, I smashed it like Megatron , like a boss!. All dramatics aside, when I came crashing to the court with the shattered pieces of the backboard I instantly sliced-up my lip, my ear and the left side of my formerly smooth face. I have several   scars to this day and a slightly broken nose. 

How has this impacted my life since  graduating  you might ask?  It took me 2 years to find a job, yes two stressfull years to finally locate a job that is not

salary but hourly and I do not get to work directly with people, although my diploma is in Broadcast Journalism.  I didn’t realize that if I had  invested the capital on plastic surgery –a corrective facial procedure to minimize my facial scars and even further—had rhinoplasty to straighten out my akwardly looking nose. I could have been employed straight away  after graduating, I could have had real financial stability early on, balanced out my student loans, I could have tied-the-knot with the girlfriend of my desires back then  she split-up with me for another guy who I graduated with –and from the same degree program but he got employed  by CNN and now I watch this cuck- SIMP every week as he covers the Trump presidency first 100 days project. Where was I?  I was working  wedding photography— making videos, portrait albums for families while I waited patiently for my big break, or should I say—checking my mobile LinkedIn alerts to see if I had an propositions or new “connections” in my inbox. And I had

a killer Linkedin Profile I wasted so much cash on professional head hunting agency fees,  postal mailing my applications, driving to countless interviews across the state plus hotel accommodation.  Luck struck me in Florida. I was video filming a very small –and I mean small wedding party—like 8 people, it was for a cosmetic surgeon, she said she was going to have a second extravegant wedding in Paris France later in September because she was too occupied with new patients now.

  She took one laser gaze into my eyes and then held my forearm and I’ll never forget this, she said—“ Plastic surgery is not just for rich white people” with a smile. But you really have to understand this surgeon’s sense of humor because she then continued with , “I need to make you look so handsome that Miami police  would only beat your body but not your face” We both giggled but my assistant camera man Manny did not.  But somehow I understood that she understood what my concerns were, what stereortypes  of black men like me. After the wedding reception she cornered  me in the parking lot  and confided that she had read my website bio and Linkedin profile, she concluded that I was not receiving any offers because of my scary looks exactly.  And she was 120% correct!—nobody wanted me in radio broadcast—and I have a great voice, no one wanted me behind the camera—and I’m practically George Lucas with the camera, no body wanted me behind the camera filming, and no one wanted me to be  simply a writer—a journalist behind the desk. Nobody wanted to give me a job, except Domino’s Pizza. That to most uninformed white people who would be hiring me; the broken crooked nose meant –that I was a person who had bad luck follow him everywhere, clumsy, or worse a fighter, “the angry black man” , the scarred cheek and upper lip also didn’t help.That I had a rough life, I had some scuffels, some street brawls or something—basically that I was “trouble”. My crooked  nose and scars did not showcase the corporate image anyone wanted…just a cruel hard fact of life.

She was basically explaining to me how white people interpret my face as a black man.  I had to make  a change. To be continued.

[atiellefilletmignon]

Hard to Explain

Mann Idk what it is but honestly the past few nights I’ve been feeling like I need to let things out. I’m not sure what it is, it has to be something. Don’t get me wrong, I am not sad or depressed or whatsoever. I just feel I need to write. So it’s almost 2am right now and I’m about to write a recap of my life so far.

1996: I was born in the Manila, Philippines. Tondo to be exact. June 4, my mom gave birth to me. Never met my dad, but my mama raised me well. Pretty damn great. 2000: My mom moved to California. The cliche filipinos moving to America to make better money and provide for their family back home. Hey I’m not hating, she had to do what she had to do. 2003: Hmm not sure but I’m guessing this was the year I started 1st grade at Manila Cathedral School. But yes if it was, man I met a lot of people through this school. The system is designed for us to be close to our classmates because we stay with the same 30+ people the whole year. And along with that, there are other batches with the same amount of students. I stayed in this school till 4th grade. In that four years I went through a few good memories. I made friends, and a few of them I considered bestfriends. I can still name a few that I remember, only because I have them as friends on facebook. But hey there’s always this one person from that school that I’ll never forget. My “puppy crush”, thats what they call it I guess. She was my first crush, her name is Abby. I remember getting teased about it almost everyday but I was an innocent little kid so nothing really happened. One reason why I’ll never forget about her is because my mom has our picture framed and its chillin in my living room. Im guessing she shipped us. But thinking about it now maybe catching up with her would be a pretty cool idea. Well we’ll see since I’m going back to the PI this June. So for now, that story is to be continued. 2006: Growing up in the Philippines was fun, no doubt. Since my mom left for LA, I was mainly raised by my lola. I called her mama too. I’ll be honest I was closer to my lola than I was to my own mother but I’m pretty sure everyone understood why. She raised me, protected me, disciplined me, showed me God, and taught me to be respectful. Everyone, pretty much took care of me. I was the favorite nephew, not to be cocky. Until December 2nd of 2006, when My lolo, my lola, and I flew to LA to reunite and live with my mom. A lot of things changed, and it changed really quick. It was almost shocking. 2007: I moved to the US for good, which meant new school, new friends, new culture, and well new everything. My mom sent me to go to St. Martha’s to continue my 4th grade year. She didn’t want to send me to a public school because she didn’t think I was ready. But knowing what I know now, I’m thankful she sent me to go to St. Martha’s because I had some of the best memories there. This is where I met my closest friends specially my best friend. I’m so thankful because they were patient with me, being fob and all they didn’t abandon me. They took me in and treated me as one of them. 2008-2010: School was tough, but I slowly adopted to it. 4th grade, I was very quiet. Didn’t know a lot of english yet. 5th grade, I was still quiet and just went school and home. But came 6th grade I became more comfortable. I started being active, joining sports and other school activities. I was mainly focused on flag football and basketball. But hey it was something. I started talking a lot and making more friends. 2010: This year impacted my life in such a huge and different way. This was the year full of challenges to my family. In the middle of the year my Lola was diagnosed with brain cancer. At that age, I didn’t know what it was or how bad it was until I saw the struggle and the emotions my mom and my other family are showing. My lola fought, and I’m proud of her. But November 3, 2010 my family and I gained an angel. An angel that I’m sure is watching every step of the way. Still supporting us, caring for us, and loving us like she’s always done. Mama I miss you, and I will always always love you. Thank you for everything. 2011: Losing my lola wasn’t easy for me, but we had to keep living. This was my 8th grade year. My prime. I joined almost every school events, activities. I was close with my teacher and I was well known. I was pretty much the clown of the class. This was the beginning of the Atielle you all know now. Hypey. June 4th, I graduated from St. Martha’s. I know, same day as my bday but oh well, wait till you find out what day my HS graduation was. Anyway, this was also the year that I started high school. Freshman year. Man oh man, crazy. I went to Bishop Amat, it was way different than St. Martha’s. I went from being the alpha dog to starting all over at the bottom again. New people, new culture, and new environment. But hey I did the best I could. I joined a club, made friends that I’m still good friends with till this day, and I did well in my classes. 2012: But that all comes to an end because I moved school just cause it got too expensive. So this is when my whole Nogales High School life begins. Same thing. New school, new people, new environment, and new culture. But I did have my bestfriend here, Ethan. Even though I had him at the same school it was still different. I was shocked, coming from Bishop it was hella different. Well to be exact, it was ghetto. The place was dirty, there were cholos, fights everywhere, and too many stereotypes. It took me the whole first semester to get used to it. But for 4 months all I did was school and then home. 2013: I started being more active at school. I met a new group of friends. I got lucky. I met some real good ones. This year I also got my license. And sophomore year just happened too fast. 2014: Junior year was the turning point of my HS days. This was when I became more social. I had a very close group, we called ourselves BcFam. I still do till this day, but of course it’s not the same as it was back when we were just in high school. Hmm I learned a few things this year. Tried a lot for the first time. I started to smoke hookah, I tried weed once this year, I probably had my first alcohol, I attempted to talk to a girl (i’ll tell you later what happened here), I guess you can say that this was the year my whole living in a perfect world, protected by a bubble ended. My bubble popped. I was exposed to real life. 2014: I have to tell you about that girl cause this was really the first time I tried getting at a girl and honestly I don’t know how it started. To keep it short, she and I were close friends, even called each other best friends until everyone noticed that we could be more than that so they shipped us. They started teasing us and I guess thats when I developed feelings for her. So spring break 2014, known to me as Waded. Cause this was the first time I got faded and it was at the beach. So beach day was when our friendship moved up to a different gear. You know, the talking gear. So it was established that I was trying, but after 2 weeks she told me she can’t do it. I was alright, I thought I was heart broken but later on in my life I find out the real definition of being heart broken. Anyway, a week later she decided she was wrong and we tried again. Same thing happened, she was confused. So I stopped trying and since then things got awkward between us. Keep in mind she was part of my close group of friends so it was really awkward and plus it was hs so we were all immature still. But yea! Junior year ended pretty dope. 2014 (summer): This has got to be the most interesting summer I’ve ever had. Around July, I joined the basketball team. New coach so he didnt have a favoritism, thats why I made the team. But yea varsity, I didn’t play much but i still did it. I lost a lot of weight in 3 months. I went from 210 to probably 170. I mean I was skinny. We were dying. I love my team, we went through hell and back together. 2014 (senior year): So 1st semester of my senior year. I’m back! Back to being an alpha dog, I never liked admitting it but I was popular around school. I was one of those asian dudes. I was in basketball, I joined renaissance to dance for my class, and I was in choir. Oh and keep in my i was about 170lbs, I was fire. Around September, I was nominated to be part of the homecoming court and to run as homecoming king. Honestly I still dont know how or why I was nominated but oh well. I was pretty much shipped with the only other asian of the court. Keep in mind, I’ve had a crush on this girl since junior year. Never really planned ok doing something about it until that whole homecoming event happened. I ended up asking her to be my date for homecoming, and things led to more things between us. She became my girlfriend. My first girlfriend. Man I turned into a simp ass dude. So it was pretty much, basketball, her, and my friends all senior year. Wasn’t all perfect mixing all of those together but somehow it happened. 2015: Class of 2015 woohoo! So basketball took over my senior year, and when season ended in February is when I actually started enjoying my senior year. I got to hang out more, with my friends and ofcourse my girlfriend at the time. It was cool! Dramas here and there but it was cool. I think 1st week of May was when my ex broke up with me. I didnt know what to feel about it. First time having a “heart break”. But nah I was alright, mainly because not a lot of things happened between us anyways. Not even a kiss. I was sad but it was alright. I spent the last month of senior year, having fun with my friends. Fixed all the drama that happened and just made sure we went out with a bang. Shit, well like I said June 4th, I graduated again. There goes my high school memories. 2015 (summer): The day after graduation I went to the beach with my group of friends. It was dope! Emotional. Just what we all needed. Around those times I also rekindled with my ex. Lets just say I wasnt the one to reach out. But yes one thing led to another. We got back together. This time it was different. We matured. Our relationship got deeper. First everything. Kiss and ALL that. Okay that’s it, I’m not gonna elaborate on that anymore. 2015 (college): I started an LVN program, 15 month program. This was the time where I mainly focused on school and my gf at the time. I distant myself from my other friends well maybe except for my best friend. But knowing what I know now, I wish I didn’t distant myself as much. I wish I knew how to balance already, but hey I was still learning. Oh First week of August, I moved in a new house too! Same house as I am in right now. 2016: School was going great, I learned to love nursing even more. I was exposed to the medical life. How it could be hard at times but worth it. Around April or May of this year however, we broke up again. But this time it was for good. It was her choice, I don’t know exactly why but I had to respect that. This is when the real heart break happened. I had my heart totally broken into pieces. Sounds dramatic but so was I around that time. It took me awhile to get over it, probably 6-7 months? I dont know, but awhile. I learned to let go and forgive. I went on with life, I finished my school on November. And I became close with my friends again. And this time, I know not to take them for granted. 2017: I went to Philippines for 2 weeks. A much needed vacation. It was short, but it’s alright because I’ll be back in a month. For my bday :) As of right now, I took a break from school and gonna wait till After I get back from philippines to take my NCLEX. So tumblr, for now thank you for listening. Brb, gonna continue life. Well gonna sleep first then continue life. Gnight its 3:20am.

#atielle