Tumgik
#I was trying to decide what to upload tonight cause I’ve got like 4 drawings lined up on my drafts while I work on more ideas I have
moth-song-archives · 3 years
Text
The Insatiable Flow of Time (1/8)
I remembered that I can make posts here too huh! Anyways, I wrote a post-MAG200 fic <3
I’ll reblog it again with the link to ao3 if you’d prefer reading it there :D
Rating: Teens and Up Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Categories: F/F Relationships: Georgie/Melanie, Georgie & Jon, Jonmartin (mentioned) Characters: Georgie Barker, Melanie King, Jonathan Sims, the Admiral, Basira Hussain (mentioned), Rosie Zampano (mentioned), Martin Blackwood (mentioned)
Additional tags: Diary/Journal × post mag200 × Post-Canon × Canon Compliant × Rated for swearing and me doing my best to write a fitting epilogue for my most fave story of all time × Bittersweet × Hurt/Comfort × Grief/Mourning × Gentle-Sad-Soft × Fluff × Non-Sexual Intimacy × Tenderness × Generally Hopeful Ending × Ambiguous/Open Ending × Catharsis × You know how TMA is a tragedy? ... yeah × Hope Punk × dealing with the fallout of surviving a literal apocalypse × Moving on and letting go × Trans Georgie Barker × Nonbinary Melanie King × Melanie uses any pronouns but needs to (re)discover this first × and is then mainly referred to with they/them pronouns for diary-simplicity × Melanie is ace in my heart ♡ × Jon is also enby but it only gets referred to in passing × Georgie has a Type™ × Character Study × i love them all so much × Nonbinary aspec author × it's very hope punk and somft BUT ALSO VERY SAD × in like a cathartic way × because i like causing pain :') × pre-written and updates every 2-3 days
I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?
As the world tries to piece itself back together, Georgie grapples with her past, her present, and her future by keeping a diary. She also keeps having this strange, recurring dream that involves Jon. Post MAG200.
Finished at ~12k, will upload over the next couple of days <3
Day 3 - Evening
Melanie is sleeping. Basira is also sleeping, on the sofa in the living-room. She doesn’t really know what to do with herself, these days, so for now she’s staying with us.
I am not sleeping. I’m so far beyond tired that I can’t sleep anymore. It’s been... how long? More than a day, certainly. I’m at the kitchen table and the night outside is darker than any I’ve ever seen. There are no street lights and a million more stars than I could’ve ever imagined. I wish Melanie could see them too :(
Back before everything in my life went wrong, I used to be really good at this. I think I got my first diary when I was... seven, maybe eight? I used to be obsessed with it. I guess I stopped writing in college, after the incident, because it felt... wrong? Like I was lying to myself, trying to fabricate emotions that just weren’t there, keeping up with things that no longer seemed important or note-worthy. Mainly, I couldn’t make myself care about anyone or anything anymore.
I think I want to find that person again, now that it’s over. Try and… move on? And Melanie encouraged me :) I guess that’s the main reason. I found this notebook in one of the domains when we were rescuing people. I don’t know what I originally wanted to do with it, but I did end up forgetting about it until I went through my bag again today. It smells like fire and is a bit singed in places, but I kind of like that? I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. ...that sounds very pretentious, but this is just for me, so...
And I like that it’s just cheap paper scribbled on with a shitty biro. Maybe I’ll just burn it when all the thoughts are on the paper instead of in my head. When I can sleep again. And the prize for the most dramatic way of closure goes to Georgie Barker! But yeah. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?
But I don’t feel any different. Shouldn’t I feel different, now that they’re gone? The entities, I mean, though Jon and Martin seem to be gone, too.
I keep remembering Martin’s expression when he told us to go early, how upset he was.
Honestly, I can’t say I’m surprised. As long as I’ve known Jon, he’s always done what he thought best. It used to drive me up the walls, but I also admired it, I think? I never would’ve told him that, but… Well. He’s gone now.
It’s over, all of it.
And I still can’t sleep.
And Melanie is still blind, and I still feel empty, and my fear still hasn’t come back. Everyone who died is still dead, and the trauma is still there. There were angry mobs in the streets, and people got killed.
I can’t quite believe that Jon and Martin went with them. I can’t believe they left us behind to explain the entire mess.
 We’re back in our old flat. It’s so weird to be back home. Everything looks the same, as though no time passed at all. Nobody knows what date it is. How long were we caught in there?
Outside, it feels like spring. There are birds everywhere, singing their hearts out. Sounds like more birds than there used to be, too. The trees are leafless and dead-looking, but Basira pointed out that they’re getting there... and it feels like spring.
I haven’t slept properly in 3 days because the questions keep me awake. It’s not that I’m worrying, really, just… thinking? I think I could sleep better if the worry had come back, but it hasn’t.
As far as we can tell, all modern devices are broken, too. Computers and phones and such, digital cameras, generators... we don’t even know what the rest of the world looks like. I hadn’t realised how much gets controlled by computers these days, we don’t even have central heating or water access in our flat. Rumours and news are spreading person-to-person, like in the Olden Days. We only have emergency systems that were installed in case of nation-wide blackout. I guess I’m glad we don’t actually have a blackout, we just need to get the computers back to work. (If I understood it correctly.)
Melanie thinks it’ll all come back to life in a few more days. I certainly hope so. I also hope I’ll stop feeling like this. Or rather, not feeling like anything. It’s so strange. Like in the first days after the incident, when I just felt numb?
They’re gone! I want to feel like a person again! What if I never get myself back?
 They’re actually gone.
 What will we do with our lives now? Basira isn’t the only one who feels uprooted. I think the whole world feels like that right now.
I hope my computer comes back soon. I miss music, and making things. My photos, all those memories.
I don’t want to lose all of that. I want to start fresh, but not without records of the past.
…I’ve had a lot of time to think about that, specifically. Records, and futures.
What the Ghost is done, right? There’s no fun in creepy ghost stories if you’ve been through an actual, living nightmare.
I think I want to start new with that, too. When everything works again, that is.
New world, new future, new podcast. I like that. I think. Make a record of what happened through eyewitness accounts? Or is that too similar to the Statements… then again, it’ll be more like interviews. And I think we shouldn’t forget.
We owe them that much.
I’ll have to talk it over with Melanie tomorrow. Maybe.
We’ll see.
God, I think maybe… maybe I can actually try and sleep tonight. Writing does seem to help.
 Note to self: thank Laverne for suggesting it. (Also for being there for Melanie. And listening to us. And stopping with that culty nonsense. She’s the only one we found so far, but she actually listened to us. Strange to think that in this world, I have to be grateful for someone not worshipping me for some dumb reason?!)
   Day 4 - Morning
So. Three things.
1) I did manage to fall asleep after all! I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac, especially after the incident, so actually getting some proper rest felt really good.
2) I somehow woke up right as the sun went up! I think I’ve never seen a dawn this beautiful? I watched it from the bedroom window and I’ll definitely describe it to her in detail when she wakes up! The Admiral was sleeping on our pillow, right next to her head, snuggled up against the back of her neck and shoulder... it was so cute. I can’t believe my phone and camera still don’t work! Melanie has that old polaroid camera somewhere but we haven’t found it yet, and I wish my art skills were any better. I did draw a sketch of the two of them though. I’ll cherish it forever, no matter how shitty it is :’)
After everything that happened, the Admiral is still a bit weird around us. He started out really aggressive, calmed down a bit, and now… now he’s weirdly skittish? Meows a lot. Keeps walking around the flat. The only thing that even remotely returns him to how he used to be is tuna. It’s weird.
But seeing him like that, with Melanie? I love him so much.
I think he’ll be okay.
But before I forget, and why I actually got out the diary at this ungodly hour instead of trying to go back to sleep now that the sun is up…
3) I had a really nice dream. And... I don’t even know. I think I want to try and hold onto the feeling? I don’t think I’ve felt that… deeply… in a long while. Maybe the last time was before all this, when we decided to move in together. Before all of this happened.
For a moment, I felt like I was whole again :’)
It didn’t even have Melanie in it, which is very rude tbh. I think Jon was there? The Admiral, too. We were just chilling on the sofa, watching netflix I think... It felt so... mundane??? Casual, somehow??? Like it was normal to feel like that and I just... I want THAT. I want to feel like that again, instead of this weird… blank nothingness? I want that all the time, not just when I’m riding a high or feeling so terrible that it pierces through.
I don’t know if that makes sense but this is just for me anyway so I suppose it doesn’t have to.
 I think I should feel bad about Jon being gone, but I still don’t even feel relief at it being over. Just this vague numbness.
I hate it so much, except I don’t, actually, I just know that I should?
Melanie keeps saying that I need a therapist but if we’re being honest here, I guess I need one the least? The whole goddamn world needs therapy right now. Including the therapists. And I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now.
I guess I keep hoping it’ll just go away somehow.
 Anyways. Enough introspection, I’m going back to bed. I hope I don’t wake them! :)
  Day 4 - Evening
 It’s night now, the sun went down hours ago. We have a bunch of candles, but I’m trying to use them sparingly, so I just have one lit. I put a glass of water next to the candle so now the light gets magnified a bit more. It’s a weird atmosphere, but I kinda like it? Feels… cozy! :)
I’m still not over how everything looks the same, but nothing works like it did before, and there’s this… burden? This collective trauma everyone went through. It feels so surreal. So many things are still broken… it’s like we woke from a collective nightmare, but pieces of it still remain, floating around.
And we just sent it away with the tapes. I really hope those other worlds are doing better than us, but what else could we have done? I… try not to think about it. I know I should, but I still can’t really bring myself to care, or even feel overly guilty for that? …
 Melanie fell asleep with her head in my lap half an hour ago. I was reading to her. She says she loves the sound of my voice, so I’ve started doing that in the evenings. (I still love that we had separate crushes from a distance on each other for ages because of youtube and WTG. We’ve been talking about that a lot, too.)
She still has nightmares, but apparently she’s also been having good dreams, and she looks so peaceful right now. The last few days have been a lot, but in comparison to before, and even before then…
It’s over. We made it out. We get to have a future together. I still can’t quite believe it. :)
 I guess I’m writing again (despite already having done so in the morning) because it somehow helped yesterday and I’m hoping to replicate that. And I have a lot to think about. It’s been a long day.
Basira is still out there, helping out where she can. I think she feels guilty. Melanie says she doesn’t because there was no other choice, but I know her, and I know that she’s lying.
There’s always another choice. We just say that to make it easier to bear.
I hope she knows she can come talk to me when she feels ready to tackle it.
I hope I ever feel able to tackle it myself. No. I will talk to her when I’m ready.
We did talk a bit about things, of course. Melanie doesn’t really remember her dreams, most of the time, but apparently she’s been alternating between horrifying nightmares and a really nice, recurring one that sometimes happens after the nightmares. She doesn’t really remember much of it, but she mentioned it after I told her about the Jon dream. Not what it was about, just… in general.
From the way she talked about it, I think her dad might have been in it? I’m actually not sure, but the way she smiled…
She has that little smile on her lips again, even now, dreaming. The soft one she gets when she talks about good things. About him.
About me.
(I still can’t believe she chose me. How impossibly lucky? How did I ever deserve her? But then, it’s not about that, is it? She is mine, and I am hers, and… life will be good. I know it will be.)
 She’s been smiling a lot more, these past few days.
11 notes · View notes
mydarlingvioletine · 5 years
Text
‘Just a Puppy Crush’ - Chapter Fifteen Ship(s): Violet/Clementine, Louis/Aasim, and Ruby/Brody Media: The Walking Dead Game (Season 4)
author’s note: sorry for the late upload, happy pride :)
       The thing Violet really likes about Clementine’s house is that there’s never a dull moment. In some room, there’s a TV left on. Or the sound of a sink dripping, bugs noisily buzzing against the porch light, or the sound of a car outside.
Violet lived just outside of the suburb that the majority of her friends resided in, but it was such a change of environment when she was inside it.
           For the first time since she’d stepped foot in the house, it was almost silent, faint voices out on the porch. Clementine opened the screen door in the back, and revealed the rest of her family sitting out on the porch and playing Uno.
“Thanks for teaching AJ what a +4 is, Clem.” James lowly murmured, holding at least a dozen cards in his hand as AJ beamed.
       “So grumpy!” Clem booed, slinging herself over James’ shoulder and taking a peek at his cards. “That’s a lotta greens you got there.”
James huffed and held his cards to his chest while AJ happily changed the color to blue. “I can’t believe you.”
           Clementine grinned before shoving a jumbo marshmallow into her mouth. “Believe it.”
Violet awkwardly shifted her weight onto her left foot, eyes darting down to the deck as the family continued chattering. Carley patted the empty lawn chair beside her with a warm grin, and Violet placed herself down.
         Lee’s eyes lit up as a new song began playing from the radio, and he jumped to his feet, pulling Carley along with him. “You remember this song? From our wedding?”
Carley groaned and swayed with him slightly, putting her arms over her shoulders. “How could I forget? Chuck almost broke his hip to this.” The couple laughed warmly, softly swaying around the deck, their Uno decks lying abandoned in their seats.
“They say we’re too young and we don’t know We won’t find out until we grow”
       It was overwhelmingly sweet. It was easy to forget sometimes that all married straight couples didn’t actually hate each other.
“Well, I don’t know if all that’s true ‘Cause you got me, and baby, I got you”
         Clementine held out her hand expectantly, and waved her other one in front of Violet’s eyes to snap her out of her daze. “Hey, wanna dance?”
“I got you, babe”
        Violet’s eyes widened and her face immediately went tomato-red at the suggestion, and she hugged her sides defensively. “I dunno...”
“I got you, babe”
        “What, you only dance to Estelle?” Clem teased with a goofy smile on her face. With an exaggerated grunt, Violet grabbed onto her open hand and Clementine pulled her to her feet.
“They say our love won’t pay the rent Before it’s earned, our money’s all been spent”
      Violet stiffly swayed from side to side, gently letting her hands rest on Clem’s shoulders. She caught a glimpse of Lee and Carley over Clem’s shoulder, who’s eyes had fallen on the two girls with amusement.
“I guess that’s so, we don’t have a lot but at least I’m sure of all the things we got”
          Flustered, Violet ducked her head into Clem’s collarbone, hoping that the shorter girl’s sweatshirt would cover up her pink complexion.
“I got you, babe”
The small interaction must’ve sparked some confidence in Clementine, because she let her hands gradually fall to Violet’s waist.
“I got you, babe”
Violet’s breath hitched and her posture stiffened, and she silently hoped that Clementine couldn’t feel how fast her heart rate pounded.
           “Hey, Clem!”
The sharp pitch of AJ’s excited tone caused Violet to practically shove herself backwards, and stumbled back into her chair.
     Unnerved, Clem looked back and forth between AJ and Violet like she was trying to piece together what had happened in the last millisecond.
That happened, right? She was just breathing in everything about the older girl, swaying softly and happily to the music and her own heartbeat.
      She shook her head and knelt down next to AJ, peering at his cards. The two exchanged a look, and Clem patted his shoulder before rising back to her feet. “You don’t need me, goofball. You know what to do.”
James, not appreciating the theatrics, shot Carley and Violet an annoyed look. “Can you kick my ass now so I can go to sleep?”
      “It’s nine thirty,” Lee noted as he looked down at his watch and frowned. “C’mon, college kid. Past your bedtime?”
James flashed an exasperated look to Violet before tugging his knees to his chest to hide his cards from a peeping Clem. “Oh, shut up.”
     “Boom-boom!” AJ exclaimed as he slammed down a green +2. James grinned, and put down a +2 of his own.
AJ clutched his chest and dramatically feigned like he was shot, before slamming down his last card, another +2 with so much force it shook the table. “Aha! Get fu-“
        Clementine quickly cupped her hand over AJ’s mouth, Violet’s cackling and Lee’s intense scolding drowning out the buzzing of flies against the porch light.
“Hey, did you guys see my new pin?” Clem interrupted the laughter and detached the starry pin from her jacket pocket. “Violet made it for me. It’s pretty cool, right?”
       “The coolest.” Lee warmly remarked as Clem gave the pin to him for him to observe. “This is really well-done, Vi. If I knew we were gonna have Picasso on our perch, I would’ve brought out s’mores or something.”
“Um, thank you.” Violet murmured, flustered and taken aback at the genuine praise and the subtle use of her nickname.
       AJ snatched the pin from Lee’s outstretched hand, and twirled it in his fingers, admiring all the detail that Violet had put a lot more time than she was willing to admit to perfect. “You’re an artist! Just like me and Clem.”
“Clem and I.” Clementine corrected, taking the pin from AJ’s sticky kid fingers. She flashed a lopsided grin to Violet before she promptly pinned it back on her jacket. “And I dunno if I really fit that description.”
          AJ frowned and latched himself onto Clem’s leg, holding tightly as he piped up. “You’re really good, Clem. I love your drawings.”
Clementine ruffled her hand through AJ’s bouncy hair, smiling down at the kid who refused to let go of her leg. “Thanks, goofball.”
        “It’s getting late.” Lee announced, looking down at his phone. James had himself sandwiched between Lee and Carley, his head lazily leaned on Lee’s shoulder, half-asleep. “C’mon, kiddo. It’s time for bed.”
“I’m not even tired!” AJ insisted, a yawn prevalent in his voice. The stubborn kid held onto Clementine’s prosthetic, shaking his head as Clem tried to wiggle him off.
       Carley and Clementine’s combined efforts managed to detach AJ from her leg, who pouted unhappily and tried desperately to hold back a yawn.
“Clem, you know the curfew. Be in bed by eleven, okay?” Lee warned, carrying a passed out James over his shoulder. “Oh, and uh, don’t be too loud. It’s a school night.”
               Clementine nodded jubilantly.
“Say goodnight, Alvin Junior.” Carley squeezed the protesting kid’s cheeks, then resorted to tickling him when he continued to silently brood.
       “S-stop it!” AJ managed to burst out between giggles, before he escaped Carley’s grasp and leaned happily against the screen door, demeanor totally changed. “Night, Clem. G’night, Vi!”
Violet barely had time to raise her hand to wave him goodnight, and he’d already booked it around the corner and up the stairs. Clem giggled as Violet dropped her hand, and brushed against her shoulder.
    “Hey, he likes you!” Clementine managed through a giggling fit, before throwing herself back down onto a deck chair. “AJ’s a tough critic, but you passed inspection. That’s uh... an accomplishment. Alvin Junior Stamp of Approval!”
Flustered, Violet let herself down in the chair parallel from Clem, smiling softly. “He’s a really cool kid.”
     “The coolest.” Clementine happily agreed, slightly turning up the volume of the radio that Lee had turned off.
“That’s alright with me, it’s really no fuss”
Clem’s eyes lit up as she recognized the song, and she started jumping up and down on the deck, her prosthetic foot clanging awkwardly against the wood.
“As long as you’re next to me, just the two of us”
       Violet giggled as Clementine rhythmically swayed around to the song, but her laugh was cut short when Clem stretched her hand out towards Violet.
               “Wanna dance?”
Violet visibly tensed up, and her head craned to look through the screen door to see if any of Clem’s family was watching them. Noticing her hesitance, Clementine strided over to the door, and pulled the drapes across to block the view.
       “Just us,” Violet tested as she cautiously rose to her feet, arms instinctively folded across her chest. “No one else around. No little kid that might kill me in my sleep if I put my hands on you.”
Clementine rolled her eyes and swung her arms over Violet’s shoulders, brushing back a blonde piece of hair that covered the taller girl’s eye in one swift motion.
“You’re my, my, my, my kind of woman”
   Violet froze like a deer in headlights when her eyes met Clem’s, her brown eyes like pools of honey. It was just then that Violet decided she had a new favorite color.
“My, oh my, what a girl”
    Clementine offered her a comforting smile, and hummed in approval when Violet apprehensively placed her hands on Clem’s shoulders, leaning along with her to the lyrics.
“I’ve never really danced with anyone before tonight..” Violet blurted, her eyes desperately avoiding the warm gaze that made her cheeks red. “Not like this, anyway.”
        Clem cocked her head incredulously like she couldn’t believe it, and slyly let her hands fall down to Violet’s hips. “Seriously? Nobody’s swept you off your feet at all those middle school dances?”
Violet shook her head, lips tightly pressed together with thought. “I’ve always wanted to dance with someone I really cared about.”
        Caught up in her own words, Violet blushed furiously and buried her face into the nook of Clementine’s neck, her face burning intensely.
“And I’m down on my hands and knees”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you’re a natural.” Clem giggled at Violet’s meekness, and raised one of her hands to run her fingers through the thin locks of blonde hair.
       She earned a muffled “thank you” from the stiff blonde against her, and had to stop herself from bear-hugging Violet until her spine was straight.
“Begging you please, baby, show me your world”
The song died out, and Violet cautiously raised her head, eyes darting between  the window and to Clem. With a shudder, she let herself relax in the brunette’s arms, swaying to a tune that wasn’t there.
        “I’m glad it was you.”
Violet’s timid voice broke the silence, and she probably would’ve hidden her face back in Clem’s jacket if Clementine wasn’t smiling like an idiot.
        Clementine was silent except for the soft humming that she created while she continued to sway with Violet. Unsure whether or not to be concerned with Clem’s reaction, Violet felt herself frantically pressing on. 
Like tomorrow wasn’t a given. Like all she knew she had was this moment. Looks like Louis rubbed off on her.
        “I really like you, Clem. I’ve... had a mondo crush on you for a long ass time. Uh, that’s why Louis is acting so weird around us and why I’m so weird around you and it’s totally okay if you don’t reciprocate. I shouldn’t have-“
“CanIkissyou?” Clementine quickly blurted out, her face wracked with nervous excitement. The “yeah” from Violet was cut short by the feeling of Clementine’s breath over her lips before she closed the distance between them.
      Clementine’s eyes fluttered closed as she leaned into the kiss, entangling her free hand in Violet’s hair. The thoughts flickering through the blonde’s mind were overwhelming, and only one coherent word shone through all the chaos: home.
It was over as soon as it started, Violet’s eyes still as wide as they were when Clem proposed it. Nervous at the lack of reciprocation, Clementine’s eyes nervously darted up to meet Violet’s.
She let the breath go that she’d been holding.
           “Holy shit.”
Clementine anxiously grinned, folding her arms behind her back. “That’s romantic.”
      “I mean!” Violet stammered, reaching to grab Clementine’s shaking hand in hers. “Holy shit!”
She tightly squeezed Clementine’s hand under her own, hoping to get across through contact what her brain couldn’t make up through words.
        She took Clementine’s other hand in her own, and tried her best to maintain eye contact with the girl across from her. Those goddamn piercing, beautiful brown eyes.
Violet straightened her posture and took a deep breath before tilting Clementine’s chin up, and softly pressed her lips against Clem’s, chapped due to her bad habit of chewing on her lips.
          Clementine melted into the kiss, reassurance filling her as she cupped Violet’s face tenderly in her hands. The rhythm returned, as Clem happily hummed into the kiss, her signature lopsided and unapologetic smile against the taller girl’s lips, only reminding Violet of everything she loved about the girl in her arms.
The two softly swayed with their foreheads pressed together, holding each other tightly like the other would fade away if they let go. The wooden boards softly creaked as they moved back and forth across the deck. The buzzing of flies against the porch light acting as a low hum, a melody in the background that they rocked to.
63 notes · View notes