#I was up until past 4 am and woke up at noon wish? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sherrybaby14 · 4 years

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Moral of the Story

Summary: Steve’s girl likes to party all the time and he’s at his wit’s end. Then he meets you.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x female reader.

Warnings: Alcohol, Smut, ANGST

Words: 5k

A/N: This is for the wonderful @captain-rogers-beard challenge. Congrats Doll! My prompt was “Party all the Time” by Eddie Murphy.

The music was a bit louder than you would have liked, but at least the song was catchy. You sipped on your drink as you watched the dance floor, your friend’s waving you over.

With a smirk you shook your head and lifted your drink, far too sober to dance.

“I think they want you to join them?” A voice boomed in your ear.

You did a jump as you turned to see a gorgeous blonde next to you.

“I don’t want to spill my drink.” You ran your hands down your now wet dress.

“Oh Jeez, I’m so sorry ma’am.” He reached for some cocktail napkins. “Let me buy you another.”

“It’s okay.” You began to pat your dress dry. “It’s probably better on my clothes than down my throat. I don’t drink often.”

“Me either.” He gave a warm smile.

“Then why are you in a nightclub?” You turned to the bar, trying to block out the loud music and not have to yell so much. “Here to pick up women?”

“A friend invited me.” His gaze went to the dance floor.

You followed it and saw he was looking at a dark haired man. You couldn’t see his face because it was being covered by a gorgeous brunette. She pulled away and you blinked a few times, she had to be a model, a perfect ten.

“I think your friend is going to get lucky.” You turned back to see his jaw clench up.

“Yeah, it looks like it.” He looked away, there was a pain in his eyes. “If I can’t buy you a new drink how about a cup of coffee?”

“Oh, I don’t think they sell coffee here.” You shrugged.

He erupted in laughter and you glanced around, not noticing the punch line.

“There’s a diner a block away.” He leaned against the bar. “Open twenty four hours. I know I’m a stranger, but I could get out of here and by the looks of it so could you.”

“I’m game.” You put your glass on the bar and started walking to the door.

“I’m Steve by the way.” He held out his hand.

“I know who you are.” You smiled. “I think the whole world knows who you are.”

A confused look spread across his face. The brisk nighttime air made your arm get some goosebumps, but you let out a sigh of relief when the music died down.

“That’s not the reaction I get from most people who know who I am.” Steve grabbed his chin. “Maybe I should grow a beard again.”

“Would you rather I asked for an autograph and a selfie?” You raised an eyebrow, then put the back of your hand to your forehead. “Oh Captain my Captain?”

“Alright, I get it.” Steve laughed. “So what’s your story? I guess your the one whose the stranger here.”

“It’s not like I know everything about you, just the headlines.” You winked. “Workaholic, I love my job, it keeps me busy. In my free time I do the basics, read, watch movies, attempt and fail at the newest workout craze.”

“Pilates man.” Steve pulled the diner door open. “It’s a lot harder than it looks.”

“I fall in every yoga position.” You followed Steve as he slid into a booth. “Zumba was fun, but I’m lacking in rhythm.”

“You?” Steve’s eyes went wide. “You look like you would be a great dancer.”

“I’m great at a lot of things.” You flipped over your mug. “But bad at more.”

“I’m really bad at board games. I flipped the board last time I played Monopoly.” Steve leaned back in the booth. “But I am amazing at tic-tac-toe.”

“Oh yeah?” You reached in your purse and pulled out a pen, drawing the lines on a napkin. “Prove it?”

“Even with all this coffee and stimulating conversation.” You brought your hand to your mouth to stifle the yawn. “Exhaustion is setting in. I’ve got to get to bed.”

“How far do you live from here?” Steve reached for his wallet. “It’s almost 4 am. Can I walk you home?”

“Four am?” You hadn’t checked your phone since you told your friends you were safe after vanishing, that was five hours ago.

Sure enough the device read 3:56.

“Damn.” You grabbed a menu. “Might as well order breakfast then.”

Steve looked shocked, but then nodded in agreement, not pulling a menu. The server took notice and came over.

“I’ll have a meat lovers skillet, side of country gravy, sub American cheese, eggs over easy, wheat toast?” You but the menu back.

“I’ll have the same.” Steve leaned forward.

“Really?” The waitress was confused. “Not the usual?”

“I’m being adventurous tonight.” Steve winked.

“Okay.” She walked away.

“I like the way you know what you want.” Steve leaned back. “Kind of no nonsense. It’s refreshing.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” You laughed. “Maybe when it comes to diner food at 4 am. I’ve been eating my whole life after all.”

“So why isn’t there anyone special in your life?” Steve almost seemed fidgety.

“There’s lots of special people in my life.” You smiled. “I’m very close with my parents, my siblings, have some great friends I’d call family, my coworkers are amazing too.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Steve’s eyes showed a strange wave of vulnerability.

“No reason.” You wished you had a better answer. “I’ve dated plenty, had some serious partners, some not so serious. I guess I’m picky? What about you?”

“The friend who invited me to the club tonight, it was the girl.” Steve gave a pressed smile. “We were very serious, she broke it off about two months ago. Wanted to try being friends. I agreed to give it a go. I don’t see how it’s going to work.”

The perfect 10 brunette. Your heart started to ache for the man. He was heartbroken. It was all over his face, body language. Everything clicked.

“What a bitch.” You brought your hand to your mouth and looked at him with wide eyes.

He laughed and you relaxed.

“There you go, being honest and direct again.” Steve put his elbows on the table. “I don’t think people can be friends with exes. It’s not in the cards.”

“I’ve never tried.” You were more of the it’s done it’s done type. “My philosophy is look forward. The future. Thinking about the past, it’s a dangerous trap.”

“I’m starting to think the same thing.” Steve’s eyes lit up. “She is a big party girl, I mean, she’s a model so sometimes its a networking thing. But I never really fit into her life.”

“Wait, were you guys like a tabloid couple?” You tilted your head. “Can I read all about your breakup on instagram?”

“No!” Steve rolled his eyes. “That was part of the problem. I think she wanted that. Being with me could elevate her career and it made me feel used, so I wouldn’t allow public photos. There’s a few that leaked, but nothing confirming our relationship.”

“Wow, you celebrities are a different breed.” It never once crossed your mind to post about who you were having coffee with.

“I am not a celebrity.” Steve wagged a finger at you.

“Oh I’m sorry.” You brought your hand to your chest. “Historical figure.”

Steve cracked up. His laugh was infectious and you joined, chuckling away.

“Without being too forward young lady,” Steve reached out and grabbed your hand, sparks shooting down your arm. “Could I have your telephone number?”

You knew he was bating you for a joke. But you preferred the natural type.

“Yes.” You reached for your phone, breaking the hand touch. “You can have my number.”

Noon hit and you forced yourself out of bed, six hours of sleep was doable. You began to make your mental checklist of projects for the day while you brushed your teeth.

There was a giddy ness in the back of your mind over last night. He was a cool guy and it was a fun time. Your brain started to think about work. You had to call your parents and check in, probably explain to your friends about where you went, you would leave out the Captain America angle.

You grabbed your phone and your jaw about hit the floor. There was a text from Steve already.

Are you going to say good morning?

You didn’t think you would hear from him for at least a few days. It made you smile and wiggle as you sat on the bed.

Good morning! Or afternoon?

Before you set the device down the reply bubbles started to form. You parted ways seven hours ago. It was a Saturday. This was unexpected. The bubbles disappeared and then reappeared several times. You were on the edge of your seat.

Then your phone started to vibrate. You almost threw the thing, seeing Steve’s name pop up. Instead your smile grew as you slid it to answer.

“Was good afternoon not appropriate? Technically it’s 12:15, that is literally after noon.” You tried to stifle the excitement.

“You want to have a beer with me tonight?” Steve’s voice was just as sexy over the phone. “I would say dinner, but I know you had some things to take care of. There’s this sports bar I love, I promise I won’t spill anything on you and coffee keeps us up too late.”

“I’d love to.” You didn’t see a point in trying to act coy.

“Great, nine o’clock? I’ll text you the address.” Steve’s smile carried over the phone.

“Sounds like a plan.” You ran your hand over your hair and wondered if you could get away without washing it.

“Have a great day. I”ll see you tonight.”

“Bye.” You clicked off the phone and did a little happy dance.

You didn’t see that one coming.

Your phone lit up with Steve’s message right away. You sent a thumbs up emoji. To your surprise, Steve responded:

Emojis, it’s like hyrogliphics are coming back? Why did we skip the sonnets?

You didn’t even think before responding.

You: Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s Day? Thou art more lovely and temperate.

Steve: Sonnet 18, one of the greats.

You: I stole it from Clueless.

Steve: What’s Clueless?

You woke the next morning, at your normal 8 am. Even more thrilled with the date from the night before. It was fun. It was a fantastic time. Of course the texting all day long made the conversation flow right to person-to-person.

“I can’t sleep until noon tomorrow.” You stood up from the bar stool. “Plus I hit my three beer maximum. Maybe once I know you better you can meet four beer me.”

“You’re guarded in the strangest ways.” Steve beamed at you.

“Me?” You were shocked. “I’m an open book. Nothing to hide.”

“Well would this bother you then?” Steve cupped your cheek and before you could react his face leaned in.

Warm lips met yours. You melted into him, your body felt like it was floating. Nobody in the bar paid you any attention as his tongue slid into your mouth before pulling out. A little moan came forward when he pulled away.

There was a devilish grin on his face as he grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles.

“Let’s get you an Uber.”

All you could do was nod in a numb state. This amazing man kissed you. It was like a dream.

You were all smiles as you rolled out of bed, straight to the bathroom. Sundays were your lazy day, but you missed too much yesterday that you had to squeeze some work in. It wouldn’t be too much.

When you left the bathroom you grabbed your phone. Your heart exploded when you saw there was already a text from Steve.

Today you can say good morning. I have faith.

Steve Rogers was perfect. Three dates in a week, not including coffee night. Every other day he wanted to see you. He made you laugh, listened to you, was always available. Sent you little comics you found funny. You giggled at the last gif he sent you of a puppy eating bubble.

You: I’ve got to head into a work meeting. I’ll text you later.

Steve: Knock ‘em dead.

Supportive too. You smiled as you slipped your phone into your pocket. It had only been a week, but you couldn’t remember the last time you connected with someone this way, if ever.

“You’re smiley.” A coworker bumped you with her arm. “It’s almost like you have a glow.”

“Just a happy person.” You shrugged. “How is your son doing? Any luck on that math test?”

“Oh he did much better!” Your coworker dropped her shoulders in relief. “That tutor was worth every penny.”

She continued to talk and you tried to listen, but your thoughts kept drifting to Steve. This was the best week of your life.

The meeting got your adrenaline pumping. You left and went straight to your office, typing away the e-mails, ready to get the new project off the ground. It was almost time to call it a day, the sun was starting to set.

That was when you picked up your phone. Two messages from Steve. Fuck. Guilt set in.

How was the meeting?

Everything okay?

You grabbed your phone and started typing.

You: Sorry work got crazy. Major project. Just leaving now.

Steve: Do you want to over to my place for dinner? Unwind? I can have a meal and some wine for you, straight away?

Unwinding with Steve sounded perfect, plus you were more interested in the version that didn’t involve a meal.

You looked down at your work clothes, your makeup probably long smeared off, but did that matter? Steve didn’t seem to care about your appearance. He wanted you for who you were. And right now that sounded perfect.

You: Do you have ice cream?

Steve: Oh my freezer is overflowing. Any flavor you like. Popsicles too.

You: I’m in. Text me your address?

Every other time you arrived at a paramour’s place for the first time you were nervous. Not this time. Your brain played a slide show of the last week. The way Steve listened, hung on your words, followed up with questions. He made you feel like the most important person in the world.

Your past experiences taught you that people were either fantastic talkers or listeners. You prided yourself on being both, but Steve seemed to fall in that same category.

With a strange confidence you hit the buzzer for his apartment. The door unlocked and you walked up the stairs, speeding up with each step.

When you got to his floor you spotted him hanging out the door, waving at you. This was going to be the hard part.

“Before I step inside, I have to let you know something.” You rehearsed this in your head a few times. “Work was insane today, and I know tomorrow is Saturday, but I have to put in a few hours. This happens about twice a year, not a common occurrence. But as much as I want to, I can’t spend the night.”

“Okay.” Steve nodded and held the door open. “Again I love your honesty.”

You walked in to see all the only lights on in the apartment two candles on the clothed kitchen table. Your heart started to sink at the thought he’d put into it, but then you noticed the meal set out at each end and began to laugh.

“Full disclosure, all I had was some TV dinners.” Steve came behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “And there’s no ice cream or popsicles. But I can think of something I want for dessert.”

You spun around and put your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. He reached underneath you and scooped you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you, deepening the kiss.

Nothing had ever felt so right in your life. It was as if the cosmos had brought you together.

“You’re too perfect.” You pulled away as he dropped you on the bed.

“You’re a one-in-a-million.” Steve’s breath was heavy as he started to pull at your clothing.

Hands were everywhere, lips randomly touching whatever skin they could. Shoes and socks flying off with pants and shirts. You shoved his boxers down as he unhooked your bra, the feeling of your bare chests pushed together making you shudder.

Steve grabbed your panties and yanked them down as you settled back on his bed. On your back, legs spread, knees up. His arm encircled your thigh as he began to kiss. You moaned and fisted the blanket, lifting your pelvis up inviting his mouth.

He wasted no time and began to devour you. You tried to pay attention to what he was doing, but you couldn’t keep up. Was that his tongue? His lips? You cried out when something slid inside of you.

“FUCK!” Your body convulsed around his mouth.

Your chest heaved while your brain tried to keep up with the pleasure. Steve kept licking, touching, working you. Everything was frenzied. Your head collapsed to the side and you tried to regain control.

“I knew you were primed.” Steve kissed up your stomach. “But you have one more in you.”

He climbed until he was over you, his cock lining up with your entrance. Never had you came that fast from another person.

Steve pushed forward and filled your aching pussy. You squealed and grabbed onto his shoulders. Rolling your body against his.

“That’s it.” He nipped at your neck. “You were meant for me. Never felt this way before.”

You grabbed his face and pulled his lips to your own, enjoying the taste of yourself on him while he railed into you. He returned the kiss and sped up. Slamming his cock, teasing your clit while your g-spot came to life.

There was no hiding your moans and his grunts as your bodies melded together. Your breath started to tighten, and then your muscles started. The edge came fast and you flung yourself over.

Your head went back into the pillow as your screamed, it was impossible to tell if your vision went black since the room was too dark. But Steve let out a grunt and pulled out of you.

Instead of blowing all over your stomach he pushed your head down. You slid down the bed and opened your mouth.

His aim was perfect and for the second time you tasted yourself, enjoying the way he finished in your mouth, letting your lips wrap around his tip. Drinking him all down while your body shook.

“I think I’m falling in love.” Steve pushed forward before pulling out and landing on his back.

You nodded, breathless as you curled up to him. He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close, kissing the top of your head.

You ignored the tears forming in your eyes, fighting them away. If pure happiness existed, this was it. How did you get so lucky?

Steve: I’m going to hug my pillow all night wishing it was you.

You glanced at the clock, it was already approaching midnight.

You: I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. Thank you for a wonderful night and a gourmet meal.

Steve: Get some sleep. I miss you.

You: I miss you too.

You grabbed your pillow. If Steve was pretending his was you, maybe you could do that same. A huge smile on your face as you drifted off.

You woke with a smile. Maybe Smiley could be your new nickname. You grabbed your phone eager to see what Steve had sent. To your surprise, there was no message.

All week long you’d woken up to messages. You smiled even bigger, maybe you’d finally worn him out and the man needed more sleep than you did.

You rolled out of bed to brush your teeth, thoughts filled with nothing but Steve.

Work was so intense, you turned your phone off. No distractions. When the team broke for lunch you flipped it on, your heart racing to see Steve’s messages. When the screen came to life you saw nothing.

Maybe it was wrong? Messages glitched sometimes. You clicked the app open, all you saw was your last message. It said read at 12:03 am.

You shrugged it off. Steve knew you had a big work day. He was being respectful. You thought about texting him, but you had to get back to it and didn’t want to come off as needy. It wasn’t like you could text him all afternoon.

The project finished an hour early, 4 pm on a Saturday. Everyone gave themselves a round of applause and you did a lazy golf clap as you reached for your phone.

Your heart exploded when you saw a message from Steve.

Steve: How was your day?

You: Good. I have so much to tell you!

There was no bubble response, or read receipt. You stared at your phone. Maybe turning it off had been a bad idea.

After saying goodbye to your colleagues and walking to you subway stop your phone dings with a message.

Steve: Can we meet for coffee?

You giggled.

You: Why not dinner? The real kind this time. It was a big day for me! I want to celebrate, you can supply dessert again.

Steve: Coffee. Now? First night?

Maybe he had a big day too. He’d been so supportive of you, it was due to return the favor.

You: Sure. I’ll be there in twenty.

You headed to the other subway line, more than eager for a sleepover tonight.

When you arrive at the diner you scan it, not seeing Steve anywhere. Maybe you beat him here. You were about to grab a random booth when a man in a black hoodie, baseball hat, and sunglasses sticks his hand in the air.

You smile, wondering if this is some Avenger’s mission.

“Are you going as the Unabomber for Halloween?” You slide into the booth. “I couldn’t even recognize you.”

“There’s no easy way to say this.” Steve cracked his jaw. “Ashley called me last night. Very upset.”

“Whose Ashley?” You blurted out the first thought that came to your mind.

“My ex.” He let out a huge sigh. “She’s a mess.”

“The bitch from the club?” You were a little interested in the drama.

“She’s not a bitch.” Steve put his hands on the table and your blood ran cold. “She has some problems. She is working on them. And we have a lot of history and she needs my help.”

“Oh.” You felt like your soul floated out of your body.

“You’re so perfect.” He reached out and grabbed your hands. “But she needs me. You don’t need me. We have a lot of history and I owe it to her to try.”

“Oh.” Everything went numb.

“I wanted to let you know in person and before things got too serious.” Steve squeezed your hand. “If I could take back last night, I wouldn’t. It was perfect, you’re perfect.”

“You already said that.” Your voice was getting tight.

“But I mean it.” He pushed the hood off his baseball cap. “I can’t leave her. Without me, I mean, you saw her at the club that night. She’s a disaster.”

The tears started to boil in your throat they were so deep. You yanked your hands away, thoughts flying to wild to speak clearly. You didn’t know if you wanted to scream at him or plead with him to pick you.

“I hope we can stay friends?” He let out a sigh. “I mean, you’re amazing and you made me so happy this past week. Probably the happiest I’ve been in my entire life. You’re smart, and witty, and beautiful, and you’re everything.”

The way he said week hit home. It was only a week. Not a month, not a year. Just a week. A lot of digs ran through your mind, ways you could make a joke, ways you could state your feelings. But instead you said one thing.

“Sure.” Your brain started to scream at itself.

“That’s such a relief.” Steve dropped his shoulders.

“I had a really long day.” You stood up from the booth. “Talk soon?”

You didn’t look back as you ran to the door, the tears spilling over. With a shaky hand you pulled out your phone, screaming at yourself for being so stupid to develope feelings, but smart enough to do one thing. You highlighted his contact and clicked delete.

Friends, family, whoever would talk had to listen to you cry. You didn’t hold back for them. You made sure they alternated duty. You even took a week off of work.

“If I would have stayed that night, would he have ignored her?” You sobbed to your best friend.

“No hunny.” She ran a hand through your head. “No. You got caught in a weird game.”

Steve: How do you kill a circus?

It’s a random number not saved to a contact, but you know that’s the first text you get from Steve. You know the punchline, but rather than responding you delete it. The last thing you want is to memorize his number.

You would’ve broken down and sent some very dumb stuff you would’ve regretted. It’s only been five days. He should send his girlfriend those jokes, not you.

Three days later you get another.

Steve: How are you?

You think about deleting it, you think about screaming you broke my heart, acting cool like you’re busy, or just gushing about how much you miss him and what a great guy his is.

You: Fine.

Steve: Glad to hear.

You don’t hesitate to delete the thread.

Steve: I miss you.

Your heart races. It’s been two weeks since the night you had the best sex of your life. The tears sting your eyes. You’ve been apart longer than you were together. Did he realize he made a mistake? Was he coming back to you?

You start typing: I miss

But then you stop. No. You had to frame this right. State it right. But what was there to do? Yell at him into loving you? Did you love him? Your heart hurt like it had, but this was wrong.

With a shaky finger you highlighted the number and moved it to block. The sobs came again and you cuddled your phone, regretting your choice.

The day you hit the month mark you were trying not to think about Steve, but then the celebrity hit: CAPTAIN AMERICA ENGAGED! It ran all over the headlines.

Him and his fiance were plastered everywhere. You couldn’t escape. It hit you then. You were a rebound. You were nothing. A temporary step on his life path. It hurt. It hurt more than anything. No ice cream could repair the hole one week with Steve Rogers had created.

“I’m glad we got you out tonight.” Your friend poked you in the side as she screamed in your ear. “What’s it been, months since you’ve been in a club?”

“Yep.” Two, but you tried not to think about how your last time in a nightclub ended, how it could derail your life. “But I’m here.”

You still hated the loud music. Memories of a sports bar with Steve tried to come forward, but you buried them before they could.

“Let’s dance!” She grabbed your hand.

“Not yet.” You yanked it away. “In a few drinks.”

“I’ll wait with you.” She settled next to you. “But that dance floor is inviting.”

The bodies were moving and you scanned the area. Your eyes bulged when you spotted a familiar face, tongue down a mouth.

“Is that…..is that Captain America’s fiance?” Your friend grabbed your arm, you never told them the mysterious Steve’s last name. “She’s not kissing Cap.”

She pulled out her phone ready to take a picture, but you put your hand out and lowered her arm.

A wave of clarity rushed over you.

“His girl wants to party all the time. He buys her champagne and diamonds.” A weird smile settled over you. “He thinks he can fix her.”

That was the problem. You didn’t need fixing. And if you ever did you would figure it out for yourself, with the support of people around you. Steve hit the nail on the head when he said you didn’t need him. You never would.

“Go dance.” You gave your friend a playful spank on the ass.

For the first time in two months you felt like yourself and turned back to the bar hoping to block the music.

A finger tapped your shoulder and you looked up with no jump.

“It’s loud in here.” A handsome man with dark hair looked down at you.

“There’s a coffee shop a block away.” You stood up. “Can I buy you a cup?”

“Yes.” He nodded and set his drink down.

“What’s your name?” You yelled over the music.

“Stephen.” He was right behind you.

“Do you go by Steve and what are your thoughts on needy women?” You pushed open the door to the club.

The air was hot and you rolled your shoulders back, embracing the lack of obnoxious music.

“If I went by Steve I would have introduced myself that way.” His intense eyes glared at you. “And I am a surgeon. Everyone I encounter is needy. I don’t have time for it in my personal life.”

You stifled your laughter at the response. At least Steve had taught you to speak your mind. Having a flashback to leaving the bar with him.

“Well Mr. Stranger, I will never need you.” You grinned at him. “Except for good conversation and occasional support.”

“It’s actually Doctor Strange.” He chuckled. “I think that’s the first time I laughed in months.”

“Tell me about it...literally.” You kicked at the sidewalk. “How do you kill a circus?”

The man scoffed at you and then wiped off his sleeves.

“You go for the juggler of course.”

#Steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel #marvel fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction

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kaimelia · 3 years

Text

Heartbeats (Ch 5)

a/n: hi! sorry for the delay with this...but it’s back!

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Amelia grimaced as she tied the back of her husband's hospital gown, wincing at the sight of his pale skin. He'd definitely lost weight, even if it had only been a few weeks since he started chemo. She sighed and dropped her hand from his back, lightly tracing down his spine as she did so. "You're feeling okay?" Link turned to face her.

"Not really." He sat down on the bed, running his hand over the neatly made sheets on the bed. Amelia crossed her arms as she watched him.

"So, we haven't really talked since our fight."

"Do we have time for this right now?" She cringed and looked down into her lap, where her hands were neatly folded over each other, her thumb absentmindedly running over the back of her hand. "Teddy said she would be coming in soon to examine me before surgery." Amelia nodded, grabbing her phone from her purse. She'd spent the past week sleeping in the guest room, avoiding any time where the two of them might be alone in fear of the fight that would break out between them.

"I'll bring Scout to come and visit after surgery. Once you're cleared, of course." Link smirked at his wife.

"As long as I don't look too scary," he muttered, pulling the thin blanket over his legs. "If there are too many wires, he might freak out and think I'm a robot now."

"I think he'll be fine. He kept asking me what parts of your body they're going to cut open; he's a pretty gruesome kid." They both laughed momentarily, freezing like statues when the door was pushed open.

"Hey, we just need to take some blood before surgery and examine you again," Teddy spoke, walking towards Link. He sat up and held his arm out. "Hopefully, the poking and prodding will stop soon," she joked, inserting a needle into his arm.

"I'm surprised I've got any left; it feels like someone comes in here to take blood every hour."

"Well, you're a pretty good sport." Teddy pulled off her gloves, closing the vial of blood and placing it down on her cart. "I'll send an intern to check on you in about an hour, and then I'll be here to take you up to surgery at noon." She rubbed Link's shoulder lightly in support before exiting the room, leaving Amelia to pull a stool over to the bed.

"I told my parents," he confessed, taking her hand in his. "They were really freaked out, my mom cried, and my dad went silent, so you've gotta keep them updated during surgery." Her free hand moved to the side of Link's face, and she kissed him slowly, pulling back and resting her forehead against his.

"Thank you. For telling them," she whispered. Link could feel the smile that was playing across her lips as he leaned up to kiss her again, his hand wrapping around her head to pull her down to him. "Mm," she moaned at the familiar feeling of her husband's lips on hers.

"I missed you." His voice was low as he pulled her closer to him, Amelia throwing one of her legs over his body on the hospital bed so she was straddling him.

"Oh, crap, I'll come back," a voice spoke from the doorway. The couple broke apart quickly, Amelia almost falling off the bed as she pulled back just for Link's hand to wrap around her back and catch her.

"Nico, I didn't realize you were coming," Link muttered, steadying his wife as she stood up. "Sorry, now is fine." The other orthopedic surgeon shook his head in amusement and approached Link, pulling his stethoscope from his neck.

"Your heart rate is elevated; any explanation for that?" Nico teased, pulling up the chart on the tablet. "But, everything looks fine. Surgery should only take about 4 hours, and I'll have Levi make sure to text you updates," he motioned towards Amelia. "And again. We're not looking for complete margins today; we're just hoping to remove enough of the cancer to stop it from spreading further around your body while you continue chemo."

"You say that like I haven't done this surgery myself," Link mused, grabbing Amelia's hand.

"It's different when you're the patient. I'm still required to explain everything in simple terms and make sure that you both understand." Nico entered the man's blood pressure into the tablet and shut it off. "Any questions?"

"Can I sign a DNR before surgery?" Amelia's jaw dropped, and her eyebrows rose up to the ceiling as she released her husband's hand.

"What?"

"I'll have a nurse bring that in for you," Nico muttered, quickly excusing himself from the room. The door locked shut, and Amelia made eye contact with Link.

"What is this about a DNR?" He sighed, scooching over in the bed to create space for her.

"Look, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and if anything happens, I don't want you to have to hold onto some tiny strand of hope that I might one day get better." Link watched a tear roll down her face. "Amelia, please don't cry. This surgery is just to remove some of the cancer; I'm not going to die during it. I just want to start making sure that everything will be taken care of if something does happen in the future."

"I just wish you had told me before. I need to know what's going on with everything, especially what you're thinking about."

"I called our lawyer and got my will in order. Mine hadn't been updated since the pandemic." He placed a hand under her chin, tilting her face to look at him. "Amelia, what you said the other week made me feel terrible. I haven't been checking in on you as much as I should be, and I know this is insanely difficult for you, too." She glanced down at his arm, her lips forming a pout. "So, I want to make sure that if everything goes to shit and something happens to me, you'll both be okay. Everything will be taken care of, and all you'll have to do is take care of each other."

"Link, please don't talk like that," Amelia nearly cried out, whimpering as she placed her hand on his chest. "I don't want to think about that, okay?" He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and brought her closer to his body.

"Okay, let's just lay here for a little while, okay? I'm not going anywhere, Amelia."

-----------------

"Schmitt says they'll be closing up soon," Meredith rubbed her hand up and down her sister's back. "He's alright, Amelia." The brunette pursed her lips, running her hands through her hair.

"Am I gonna freak out every time he has surgery? Cause they've got, like, three more planned as of now, and if this happens every time, I think I might have a heart attack."

"I was almost convinced you were going to have a panic attack for a minute there. We'll find some distractions or do some fancy breathing techniques." Amelia grinned and pulled her phone out of her pocket. "When are you heading home?"

"Uh, I'll wait for Link to wake up and stay with him a bit. Scout's a little terrified, though, so I'm gonna bring him tomorrow when Link looks less like a zombie." She dragged her fingers over the seams of the couch in the attendings' lounge, glancing up at her sister. "Thank you for staying with me."

"Of course."

-----------------

"Hey, look who's awake," Amelia whispered, cupping her husband's face with her hand. He smiled tiredly and brought his hand up to cover hers.

"Hey," his voice was hoarse as he spoke. "How did it go?"

"As planned, they got decent margins, and now you're sentenced back to chemo for the next few weeks." She sat down on the side of the bed. "How do you feel?"

"Like I just woke up from surgery, and I'm super high on painkillers," he muttered, a wider grin showing on his face. "How long until I can go home?"

"You've got a day or two here. I'm heading home in a bit to go comfort Scout; he's still not convinced that you're not dead, even though Maggie got him pizza and spent the afternoon with him explaining that surgery went fine." He nodded, holding an arm open.

"Come cuddle," he moaned tiredly, shoving his face back down into the pillow.

"I have to leave soon. You're not the only one I have to take care of here, just one of many men in my life," she teased, slowly easing herself down into his embrace. "Just for a little bit."

"Mm. I love you, Amelia."

"You are on so many painkillers," she joked, kissing his hand. "But, I love you too."

-----------------

"Mommy!" Amelia grinned and kneeled down to greet her son, her arms spread widely before she embraced him tightly, kissing the side of his head.

"Hey, Scout," she picked him up, balancing the boy on her hip. "How was your day with Aunt Maggie?" Amelia made eye contact with Maggie and grinned widely, mouthing a quick 'Thank you' before Maggie excused herself, brushing her hand over her sister's shoulder as a goodbye.

"We went to the park, and Aunt Maggie got ice cream for us!" She smiled and walked into the living room, her mouth dropping at the sight in front of her.

"And what is this?"

"We made a pillow fort!" She set Scout down and got onto her hands and knees, crawling into the entrance of the fort. Scout followed her in and grabbed the stuffed giraffe past the opening, clinging it to his chest and laying onto the floor that had been covered in pillows and blankets. "Is Daddy okay?"

"Yeah, didn't Aunt Maggie tell you? They cut into his chest," she reached over to tickle her son's chest, "and took out some of the cancer so that Daddy can feel better." He giggled as she continued to tickle him, rolling over in the small area. Once she stopped, Scout moved to cuddle into her side, tucking his giraffe in between them.

"When do I see Daddy?"

"Tomorrow, once he's recovered a bit from surgery." She glanced down at him to see him sucking on his thumb, a nervous habit he'd developed, and they'd tried hard to get rid of. "Hey, Daddy's okay," her voice fell to a whisper, and she pulled Scout closer to her body.

"It's scary when Daddy has surgery. I don't like it." Amelia sighed and looked up at the thin sheet creating a make-shift ceiling over them, letting in a bit of light from the kitchen.

"I know, it's scary for all of us, even for Daddy. But, no more surgery for a little while, now he's going to get more medicine." A quiet sniffle filled the space, and Amelia quickly moved her hand to brush through his hair. "Hey, you're feeling really scared?" He nodded his head with tears in his eyes, grabbing his giraffe again.

"I don't want Daddy to die." The mother pouted her lip out, her eyebrows furrowing as her son looked up at her.

"I promise that he's okay right now." She pulled up a blanket from near a wall of the fort and pulled it over them. "How about we sleep in here tonight? Just you and me, and tomorrow we'll go to visit Daddy." He nodded. "I'll be right here when you wake up, don't worry." Amelia stayed awake until she felt her son's breathing settle into a pattern and the familiar light snores coming from his mouth. "Goodnight," she whispered, closing her own eyes and allowing herself to finally relax for the first time that day.

#amelia shepherd #amelink #amelia x link #atticus lincoln #amelink fanfic #amelink fanfiction #grey's anatomy #greys abc #greys fanfic #meredith grey #teddy altman #nico kim #scout lincoln #scout shepherd lincoln #my fics

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ill-skillsgard · 4 years

Text

A Truth and a Lie - Henry Deaver x Mistress

Warning: 18+ smut/mentions of cheating/mature themes/strong language/spousal conflict. **mentions of impregnation and fertility issues in this part**

Note: This is Angstville. But that’s nothing new for this series! I know it’s been a while since I posted anything, but I’d really appreciate comments and reblogs. It would truly help me get back into the mood to write if you let me know your thoughts and whatnot. No pressure!

Read past Henry x Mistress imagines here > Masterpost

Sudden drumming on the desk startled you from your morning daydreams. Henry peered down at you with a secret smile, one reserved for the rare occasion he caught you slacking off, though Henry would always follow it up with a forgiving wink. Henry rarely caught you off guard at work, and when he did, he was lenient with his reprimands. Most of the time, you were an astute secretary and completed assistive tasks before Henry mentioned them. You were trustworthy, capable, and much better at keeping track of dates and meetings than his last assistant. In a professional sense, you were the perfect employee, which was why it pained him to ask you into his office that morning.

You sat down in front of his desk as he closed the door. Henry tried to smile while adjusting his tie and fiddling with the button of his suit jacket. By the time he sat down, Henry looked frazzled.

“I’m sorry to take you from your work,” Henry began.

“That’s all right, sir.”

You still insisted on the formal address, even behind closed doors. It never failed to twist his mouth upward. Still, he shuffled a few papers on his desk, sighed, then wiped invisible sleep from his eyes.

“What’s the matter, Henry?” You asked, realizing the meeting wasn’t an excuse to keep you close.

Henry let out another distressed sigh, touched your knee and then sat back in his chair. “I don’t want this, darling. Truly, I don’t.”

“Oh, God. Are you firing me?” You whispered.

“Baby... If you haven’t changed your mind about marrying me—and don’t worry, I’ll still propose to you in the traditional way—then we must separate work from home. And since you are my home, and every time I look at you, I feel my heart drop-kick in my chest, it means you won’t be able to work for me here. It’s only to spare us the headache and gossip. I can’t have my soon-to-be-fiance and mother of my children working for me.”

You pressed your lips and exhaled, as you’d suspected your days at the office would soon expire, especially after the news about Mary’s covert investigation. Henry had insisted he would take care of it, and you’d keep her job, but with the promise of marriage and children on the horizon, his guarantee lost substance.

He reached across the desk and motioned for your hand, intent on squeezing it until the urge to kiss the back of your palm overcame him.

“Please don’t be mad at me, sweetheart. You’re the only person I want at my side.”

“I understand,” you said.

“Really?” His eyes glistened.

You nodded, determined to soothe the regret on his face. “Of course. I want to start our family more than anything. More than I want this job... No offence. It’s a great job, my boss is ridiculously good-looking, and the pay is nice, but... I’d rather marry you and start thinking of names for our twins.”

“Twins?” Henry asked, cheeks burning and eyes glinting.

Again, you nodded. “Yes. It runs in my gene pool. We have a high chance of double-trouble.”

The man across the desk relaxed his shoulders and smiled wide enough to leave indentations around his mouth when he finally composed himself.

“Sweetheart, you make me the happiest man in the world. I love you so much; I can’t stand it sometimes. You’ve been the best employee and an even better partner. As much as it kills me to do this, it’s only for us. I’ll even let you choose your replacement.”

“Good. Then I can make sure you won’t hire some young honey to schedule your meetings and book your flights,” you quipped.

“I’d never—you know I wouldn’t.”

“I’m kidding, Henry.”

“So, you’re not pissed at me?” He asked.

“No, silly. I’m not pissed. I thought we’d be having this conversation much sooner, to be honest. But you held out until the last minute, didn’t you?”

Henry bit his lip, sudden darkness taking over his bright eyes. “I just wanna get you pregnant so badly.”

You shifted closer, leaning over the desk and hugging your arms to your side to push out your breasts. “You mean like this morning when you woke me up at six AM to fuck me and fill me full of cum?”

“God, yes,” he groaned, running his hand over his face as his eyes fluttered. “Exactly like that.”

“Well, then I suppose since you’re canning my ass, you might as well take me out to lunch so you can tap it, too.”

“I can swing that,” said Henry under his breath.

You rose from the seat and winked. “I’ll see you at noon. Maria’s?”

“I was thinking more like Steel Heron.”

“Wow! Very fancy. I hope I can get us a reservation.”

“Make it under Deaver. That should do the trick.”

With a wiggle and a smirk, you quirked one shoulder while crossing to the office door. “My powerful Mr. Deaver.”

“I love you, baby. I wish I could kiss you.”

“You can kiss me all you want in the car later on.”

Henry chuckled. “You got it, gorgeous.”

~*~

When your food arrived after twenty minutes of indecision, you both wolfed down overpriced entrees, then rushed to the parking lot to duck into the backseat of Henry’s car. Once he closed the door, you wrestled his pants down to his knees, taking hold of his half-firm shaft to massage until he grew hard and breathless.

“Get your panties off,” Henry panted. “Quick. Pull them to the side and ride me.”

You scrabbled to sit astride his lap, stretching your underwear over so Henry could prod your entrance with a few mild strokes. He bucked his hips up and met resistance, groaning already.

“Fuck, Henry. I’ll never get used to that cock. You’re so big.”

“And I’ll never get used to this tiny little hole. Oh, my gosh, but you take it so well.”

You sank, moaning from every inch of flesh sliding inside. Clutching at each other, kissing with ferocious intensity, Henry gripped your thighs and guided you back and forth, the momentum rocking the car. The top of your head grazed the roof until Henry wrapped his hand around your nape and pulled you in for a crushing kiss.

“You okay, baby?” He asked, breath hot on your cheek.

“Yes,” you squeaked.

“God, I’m already close. I can’t fucking take it. You’re gonna make me bust.”

“Do it,” you said. “Cum inside me, sir.”

Henry let out a satisfied laugh. “Oh, I will, honey. You’ll be a mommy when the day is through. I’m taking you home later on and fucking you again and again just to be sure.”

“You’re gonna be a daddy soon,” you replied, running your hands through his soft brown hair.

He stuffed his face between your shoulder and jaw, licking at your pulse. “I hope so, baby. Fuck, I hope so.”

As promised, Henry lasted no longer than a few well-angled thrusts. The pulses and spurts filled you, sending shivers over your shoulders and up your neck. When he slackened from his fading orgasm, Henry placed you gently on your back and stared between your legs as your panties rolled back into place, a dark blot forming where his seed leaked out. He couldn’t help himself and reached over to rub your pussy over the thin cotton, feeling the wetness he’d left inside.

“Does it matter how long you keep it inside?” Henry asked after you both rolled down the windows for fresh air.

“I’m not sure. Maybe we can go to a bookstore to find some reading material? We can do some research together.”

“That’s a great idea, honey. But I have that meeting at 4:30, so I might be a little late getting out. If you want to leave, I’ll grab you afterward. You know how those guys gab.”

Henry helped you out of the car, offering his hand for support while you wobbled to the passenger side door. When you ducked in and put on your seatbelt, Henry leaned into the vehicle and kissed you long and hard.

You gave him a knowing smile. “I can’t wait… Daddy.”

Henry blushed all the way back to the office, happy to have you at his side wrestling with a smirk as cum smeared between your thighs underneath your grey pencil skirt.

~*~

As predicted, Henry’s meeting ran late, and you didn’t wait to go home to shower before your outing. Though he’d smattered your legs with cum and it had dried in crusty blotches, you didn’t care. You’d shower and change into comfier clothes for your outing with Henry later.

You whistled on the way home, the repetitive song playing over the radio—something that would usually irritate you—catching you in just the right mood. The drive was long, but you didn’t mind. All you thought about was finding baby books with Henry, then going home to try your luck at becoming parents again.

Daydreams of Henry’s future proposal tickled your insides and had you smiling as you turned street corners. Even the rotten news from Henry’s latest encounter with his soon-to-be ex-wife fell away, and you navigated the busy lanes without a care. A pleasant warmth filled your chest, reminding you of all the fond memories and good times with Henry to come.

Your love for him expanded day by day, with each minute at his side, and every breath you took. Why Mary tossed such an attentive man aside baffled you, but only enough to make you scoff to yourself and thank the higher powers for putting that same loving, selfless man in your path. Sure, your past wasn’t the most sterling love story, but it had room to grow into the relationship you’d always wanted.

Recalling Henry’s smile reflected on your face. His emotive looks and passionate eyes were always enchanting, even when he wasn’t in your presence. Sick with the intoxication of love, you sighed as you pulled into the visitor parking spot. Henry kept meaning to get you your own spot next to his, but extra work had taken away most of his free time.

You shouldered your purse, selected the fob from your ring of keys, and locked the car before sauntering toward the door leading to the parking lot stairwell. Up those stairs was the elevator, but you didn’t get that far before somebody cleared their throat from behind.

Whipping around, you noticed a woman standing near a Lexus. She wore a burgundy business suit with a knee-length pencil skirt that hung loosely about her thighs. Her hair twisted into a bun on top of her head, thin-framed glasses perched on her nose. The woman looked familiar to you, but in the dimly lit parking garage, it took you a few steps forward to realize who meant to grab your attention.

It was Mary.

“Uh, hi?” You said.

“Hello, Missy.”

You sneered at the address but soon dropped your sour expression. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to deliver you some bad news.”

“Henry isn’t here—”

“No, not Henry,” she interjected. “You.”

“Me? What do you want to speak to me for?”

Mary smirked, taking two steps away from her vehicle. You clutched your bag and drew your shoulders back. The woman posed no physical threat, but something about her was worrisome. Your only knowledge of her temperament stemmed from two encounters—both leaving an unflattering impression. Would she come after you? Did she have it in her to shed all professionalism and launch into a physical assault?

“There’s something I think you should know about Henry.”

You looked around the parking garage. Soon, cars would pull in, tired people walking by to reach the elevator. Mary had lived there at one point. Surely she wouldn’t try to hurt you when she knew about the surveillance cameras planted around the lot.

“I don’t understand. How did you know I’d be here?” You asked.

Mary chuckled. “Well, it’s the last Friday of the month, and Henry always has his board meeting at 4:30. He and all those stuck-up codgers never get out of the office until they’ve spent twenty minutes talking business and two hours discussing the prostitutes they took to this place and that, their golfing tournaments, their second and third wives. Trust me, sweetheart. I’ve been in your position before. I know Henry and his associates front-to-back. Which is why I’m warning you.”

A sinkhole opened in your gut, swallowing all the warmth and happiness you were feeling throughout the day. You scraped your thighs together, feeling flakes of semen come off from the motion. If only Mary knew her husband’s cum had been dripping from your slit since lunchtime. This secret fact made you smirk for a moment until you read the seriousness lining her forehead and framing her mouth.

“Well?” You encouraged with an air of impatience. “Out with it then.”

Not one to take orders, Mary clicked her tongue and shook her head. She longed to watch the disappointment on your face as she trampled upon your joy, so she prolonged the silence until you grew visibly perturbed.

“I assume Henry told you about what happened when he paid me a visit the other day?”

“Of course, he did. I’m helping him handle the case.”

Mary tilted her head with an audacious smile. “Yes. That comes as no surprise. He’d never clean up after himself. Henry always needed a woman to do it for him.”

You made a disgusted face, adjusting your purse strap and rolling your eyes. Mary carried on as a sleek black Audi pulled into the parking garage, missing you both by inches.

“He must have made you all kinds of promises when he got home, am I right?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because that’s what he does after he’s fucked up. Let me tell you something... After he jumped in the sack with you, he came home to me and promised to be a better husband. He told me he’d go to counselling, take me on a second honeymoon, buy me whatever I wanted. All because he felt guilty. I’m willing to bet he came home that day and made similar promises to you. Maybe even told you he plans to marry you after all is said and done.”

Your mouth trembled, and you were thankful for the dimness. You wanted to tell Mary off, but she had your curiosity hooked.

“How do you know that?” You whispered.

“I already told you. I know Henry better than anyone. Better than you ever will. We were married for over fifteen years, remember?”

There wasn’t enough air entering your lungs, so you opened your mouth and took in a deep breath.

“I wanted to test him. I had to see whether he really loved you or if he was just using you to fill the void. It turns out he has genuine feelings for you, but not enough to keep him from fucking me.”

“What?” You gasped.

“That’s right,” Mary said, smirking. “I told Henry if he took me then and there, right in the kitchen, I’d call off the renegotiation and let him have what he wanted—the clean break he needed to continue with his happy, albeit staged, little happy life. He took the bait immediately.”

“No, he did not!” You exclaimed.

Mary chuckled, taking another step toward you. “You idiot. He cheated on me. Do you honestly believe he wouldn’t do the same to you? That man was raised in one of the worst misogynistic environments I’ve ever witnessed. Look at the men he calls friends! Sure, they all have their trophy wives, but when they go away on business, it’s blowjobs in the back of strip clubs, hookers at 3 AM and sushi on naked women. Have you never listened in on one of their meetings?”

“I’d never. I trust Henry,” you said, voice quivering.

“You’re a dolt to trust him or anyone he associates with. Henry is a pervert. A useless, sterile sack of shit. Why do you think I turned away? I was sick of getting cheated on.”

“Sterile?” You repeated.

Mary cocked her head, then opened her mouth to gasp softly. “That’s right. Henry and I never conceived because he can’t have children.”

Your hands shook, and every breath you took shuddered in your chest. “That can’t be true. He would have told me.”

The woman six feet away from you shook her head with remorse. She allowed an excruciating silence to pass before sighing. Something changed about Mary’s face. One moment she looked smug and eager to rile you up, and the next, she looked calm, distant... Almost sad.

“There was a time when I truly loved Henry. When any time I thought of my future, I saw us together with several kids. And we tried, we really did. For months and months, we tried getting pregnant. Finally, we went to a fertility clinic, but Henry had his qualms. He insisted it was all chance; that if we kept at it, eventually we’d conceive. We got tested, but the results take time. Well, Henry went to Thailand with Frank and some other colleagues—and trust me, you do not want to hear the stories that came back with them—leaving me alone at home, fretting. But that didn’t matter. I was used to it.

“Anyway, while he was off living it up in paradise, I got the results back. The doctor said I was fine, but Henry... Well, I just couldn’t tell him. I knew it would crush his spirit. Something like that would destroy his will to live, and I couldn’t bring that down on him while he was hitting the peak of his career. He was raking in raises and promotions, and I was on my own path. So, I swallowed the devastating news and saved him the heartbreak because I loved him and wanted what was best. But as time went on, my life and our marriage lost meaning. I couldn’t look at Henry the same. I couldn’t sleep with him because I knew he’d try to get me pregnant, and there was only so much stress I could handle. Sex is meant for procreation, and we would never rise to the task.”

The air in the parking garage grew chilly. More and more vehicles filed in, filling the atmosphere with dizzying fumes. Overhead, the lights flickered as nausea worked into your gut. You began to sweat and shiver at the same time.

“No. I don’t believe you. Who would ever do something so cruel? You’re just saying this so I’ll leave. You don’t love him. What kind of wife would keep a secret like that?”

“A wife who only wanted to see her husband become the best person he could be, which, evidently, still isn’t so great when you take into account all the terrible things he’s done to us.”

You shook your head and threw off your center of gravity. The heels of your shoes wobbled, or perhaps it was your knees knocking, you couldn’t tell. All you knew was you needed to sit down before you lost balance and toppled over. Mary saw this struggle and crossed her arms under her bosom.

“Like it or not, Missy, Henry isn’t the man you think he is. He’ll make all kinds of promises, but he’ll disappoint you in the end. Trust me.”

#henry x mistress #Henry Deaver #bill skarsgard imagine #bill skarsgard fanfiction #castle rock fanfiction

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botanicials · 4 years

Text

backpedal

... in which harry accidentally moans the wrong name

... word count: 4.4k

... theme: angst

Being memorable was one of Harry’s most redeeming qualities, you had figured that out early on in your relationship.

Not only would he remind you about plans you’d made with friends or meetings you were scheduled in at work; he’d remember the small things, like when once whilst telling a story from years ago, you’d mentioned that you could only tolerate cherry-flavored cough drops. Two months after the small comment, you’d caught a cold and amongst the care “basket” (large reusable grocery bag) he packed up was a heavy bag of cherry Ricola.

He knew that when your nose scrunched up, you were having a hard time keeping your thoughts at bay, which perfume you wore according to the season, which sweaters you preferred whenever you were over at his because “Harry it’s cold out why would you possibly need the A/C on at night?”.

One thing he happened to not remember however, at such an unfortunate time, was your name.

It wasn’t like he’d just gotten back from promos, recording, writing even, or that the two of you having sex was anything new for fuck’s sake. He was back from the states, the album has been done for months, and it wasn’t even fifteen hours ago that you two were in this very position.

There was no other reason for his mind to be elsewhere. No other reason for him to focus on anything other than you.

It happens when he dips his hips at a certain angle, the back of your head digs further into the pillow and he buries his face into the exposed side of your neck, warm breath sweeping over your skin as a groan escapes his lips.

You could feel nothing but him: the weight of his body, the thin layer of sweat on his back under your fingertips. His movements seemed so impulsive, habitual and that made the entire situation so much worse.

He brought his hand down to grip your waist, lips parting open. “Fuck, Cami-…” His throat closed up, body seeming to instinctively stop himself from saying her name as his eyes flew open in a panic.

Your hands immediately fly to his shoulders as you push and turn your head to the right, eyes unable to reach his. “Off. Get off, get off–”

“I didn’t..” His words die out and he removes himself from you and rests on his side, arm now supporting most of his weight. “Baby-” he whispers, reaching to try and grab at your wrist but you’re too fast.

One second you were under him, holding, pulling on his forearm to have him closer; and the next, you were pushing him as far from you as possible, grabbing the throw blanket sat at the end of his bed and wrapping it around your body before practically sprinting to the ensuite bathroom.

“Love, love, love, love, love…” his words are rushed as he quickly follows after you, not bothering to cover his lower half. The haziness in the room had dissipated, and he now found himself in panic mode trying his best to get to you as soon as possible.

Yet again, he isn’t fast enough, because the door slams right in his face and he has to snap his fingers from the frame so they aren’t caught. “Baby, I… shit.” He whispers to himself, grabbing at his sweatpants that were left tossed over the armchair.

None of this feels real to him. It can’t be because he couldn’t have possibly just done that. There’s no fucking way.

It’s as if he’s watching all of this unfold from someone else’s point of view. It’s as if he’s dreaming; his head is spinning and nothing makes sense- this can’t be real.

His fingers tremble as he ties the drawstring taut around his hips, shaking his head to himself as he moves over to the door.

“I don’t…” Fuck. Fuck. “Wasn’t thinkin’ about ‘er. I wasn’t. And I… I know that sounds like absolute shit, but I swear it. Baby, I… I wasn’t thinkin’.”

His heart is beating out of his chest as he explains because he loves you. He does. Told you that for the first time just four days ago. You’re easily one of the best things that have ever happened to him in such a long time and this wasn’t anything but an accident. There was no deeper meaning.

“Don’t know what else t’say, darling… I’m sorry. I am- and I know that might not mean much right now but I.. I’ve never been more sorry.”

It’s when he hears you sniffle from behind the door that his heart drops even further and tears sting his eyes. His hands rest on his hips and he tilts his neck back to blink up at the ceiling.

Things were just starting to become real with you-- not that they never were, but the two of you weren’t just dating anymore. He was getting ready to introduce you to his family, he had just started thinking about the thought of you two being together. The house and the kids and a ring and it’s fucking ridiculous, he knows that, but now it isn’t. Now, it’s borderline impossible. All because of tonight.

A slip-up.

He’s aware of how selfish he’s planning on being; preparing on asking you to look past his mistake, to forget that this had ever happened, but at this point he needs you. It’s desperate and pathetic but it’s all he could bring himself to be at this moment.

A handful of minutes pass of a teary-eyed Harry pacing back and forth in front of his bathroom door and you sniffling from behind it before he decides to finally sit on the wooden floor beside it.

You both stay like that for a while, quiet sitting nearly back to back on opposite sides of drywall and it’s not like you two, not knowing what to say, what to do, or how to act around one another. Not in so long, so the feeling is too foreign. Unwelcome.

Harry clears his throat. “Just… take as long as yeh need, love. M’right here.” He finally says and the thought of you wanting him anywhere but there makes him rest his head in his hands. A part of him knows he should leave to another room, give you some space. Yet that same selfish part of him wants to do nothing but hold you as close as possible and explain himself. Explain what happened those moments ago, even if he didn’t know how. He just wanted a chance.

About fifteen minutes go by before he speaks again. It’s nearing two in the morning and you’ve been quiet for a while so there’s a possibility you’re asleep, but he decides to gamble.

“I love you.” He starts. “I meant it when I said it the first time and I mean it now. So.. so much, angel. Yeh have no idea like… really s’just– this whole thing is..” He runs a hand over his face before resting his elbows on his bent knees. There’s no way this was good for his back.

He’s frowning to himself as he prepares. “When I said- When I almost said Camile’s name I–”

His apology is cut short when the ensuite door practically slams open and his head snaps over to catch a blur of navy blue fly past. You’re still wrapped in the velvet soft blanket, nothing too out of the ordinary, only you’re not half asleep asking him to “Please stay a little longer?” with a soft pout at your lips.

No. Right now you’re fast and focused, throwing his white comforter around in search of your clothes. You aren’t begging him to get back in bed until the sun comes up, you’re trying to remove yourself from the room as quickly as possible.

Harry’s standing now, lingering as he rubs at the knot growing in his neck, eyes on you.

“Baby-”

“Please.” You breathe out, hand spread out in front of you. “I can’t right now, Harry.”

The sound of your voice makes him freeze, arms falling to his sides as you resume searching for your bralette, he’s assuming, considering you’ve already snatched up everything else.

In these last twenty to twenty-five minutes, you’re clearly exhausted; and if his mind is running miles a minute he can only imagine what scenarios you’re thinking up. He understands, really he does because if he was on the other end of things he’s not sure what he’d be presuming right now.

It’s just that he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to sit back and watch someone that’s made him look forward each day leave without putting in any effort. He’d beat himself up over this entire situation even more if he didn’t at least try.

“I wasn’t thinkin’ straight–“, he decides to repeat. Everything he rehearsed in his head is long gone and he finds himself unable to elicit what he’d already said from the other side of the door. “Wasn’t thinkin’ at all because it’s just you. S’all you. Just sit and-” He panics when you finally grab the white lace that was twisted in his comforter and make a beeline back to the bathroom. “Woah, woah, woah.”

He’s able to catch you before you can make it this time, his hand wrapped loosely around your arm, eyes trying to find yours. “Love…”

“Let go.”

He murmurs your name and his shoulders sag. “Look a’ me. C’mon-”

“I said let go.”

The room goes quiet as he stares at the side of your face and you realize how heavily your actions affect your future; what effects these next few moments would have on what could be the remaining of your relationship. Every decision you make right now is going to alter whether you and Harry will end up together or not. And that’s all too much right now.

You reluctantly turn your head to look over at him; with your red-rimmed eyes and in a raw voice you whisper, “.. I really can’t right now.”

Harry’s lips are rolled into his mouth when he nods his head, eyes falling to the ground before removing his hand from your skin.

He has to take in a shaky breath when you close the door behind you, sniffling as he wipes at the wet under his eyes. He’s realized that you leaving tonight was the only option for right now, no matter how much he wished it wasn’t.

Harry Sunday 4:36 AM I love you so much, darling. I wish I could apologize a million times over. I understand if you need time but whenever you’re ready to talk to me, I’m here. I’ll wait for you.

Harry Monday 11:12 AM Just woke up. I’ve got a meeting at 1 until 3 or so, but if you need me please don’t hesitate to call. I love you.

Harry Yesterday 9:02 PM Know it’s late, didn’t forget about you. I was at another meeting. Still here, love you so much.

It’s past-noon now, however many days later, and Harry is sat on the lounge he had on his backyard patio, a thick blanket heavy on his shoulders. The outdoor fireplace was lit in front of him, warming mostly his legs and the mug of hot chocolate he sat on the small table beside it. Flurries in the air confirm the fact that he should not be outside, but he’s always found the sounds of the river a few meters down to be therapeutic, icy ripples that weren’t yet frozen over resonating as the sky turns into a hazy purple.

He’s able to think back on how much you enjoyed laying up with him out here. There was usually a book in both your and Harry’s hands, maybe a homemade drink if Harry was feeling particularly generous.

He brought you out here the first time you visited his house, it was around the same hour it is now; the sunset, the snow wind, the ripples. You’d both gotten into such a spellbound conversation that he’d forgotten to give you a full tour; the two of you stayed out there all night just… talking and Harry doesn’t think he’d ever appreciate such a simple moment more.

Speaking with you was always effortless up until now, where he’s only been in contact with you once a day for the last few. Through text.

He didn’t want to overwhelm you, he knew you wanted-- needed space, so he succumbed to daily texts, so you knew that he was still fighting. The last thing he needed was for you to think that he gave up.

Flowers or edible arrangements… they crossed his mind, but this wasn’t something that could be fixed with something materialistic; you deserved so much more than that.

Harry Today 6:58 PM Hey.. I hope you’re doing well. Our coffee place has a special on the cinnamon bagels you like. x

“That was cordial,” he says to himself, reading it over a couple of times before tossing his phone on the cushion beside his leg.

You hadn’t answered the last three messages, he doesn’t even know if you’ve read them-- and a part of him wonders if he isn’t trying hard enough. Are you expecting the flowers and chocolate covered fruits? Him on his knees begging at your front door?

Deep down he knows he knows you, and any other day he wouldn’t second guess you needing your space, but you seem much too far away than he’s used to and his confidence in his knowledge of you is beginning to slip away.

His phone dings and he jumps, heart buzzing as he looks at the notification.

Mitch Today 7:06 PM You still going to Los Angeles next Thursday?

“For fuck’s sake…”

Harry Today 7:06 PM Don’t know yet, I will by Wednesday. x

It’s a second after sending that he receives another message.

Today 7:07 PM I’m doing okay, thank you for the exposé.

Harry’s heart stutters as he rereads your name at the top of the notification. Shit. Shit shit shit shit.

Okay? Much better than bad, so he takes that as a positive, just like how he took the fact that you’d left your toothbrush at his as a good sign as well.

Harry Today 7:09 PM Course. x

Harry Today 7:10 PM I could grab you some? I’m on the way out to the store.

Lie.

Today 7:12 PM it’s okay, don’t want you to go out of your way.

Harry Today 7:13 PM It isn’t, really. I don’t mind.

Harry Today 7:13 PM And I’d really like to see you.

It’s the longest you two have gone without seeing each other whilst being remotely in the same area. He’s convinced himself that the sniffles he’s had for the last few days are allergies and not from him being a bit lovesick.

He stares once a grey text bubble pops up on his screen, taunting him almost as he tries to anticipate your response.

No.

Too bad.

Fuck off.

Fuck you.

Those replies all seemed pretty rational to him, it’s what he expected; so when the text bubble disappears, his eyebrows pull together in a nervous furrow. His thumb reaches up to pull the screen up as if the messages would refresh, and flinches when you resume typing again.

He figures that a short message would be better than a long one, but a long one would be better than nothing; so he settles.

Today 7:16 PM is that a good idea??

Harry Today 7:16 PM It’s all up to you, love. I didn’t mean to force anything,

Today 7:17 PM you aren’t, I appreciate you giving me the space you did.

Today 7:17 PM if there’s a sale, do you think there will be any bagels left at this hour? haha

At that, Harry finds himself smiling.

Harry Today 7:18 PM Welllllll, for your sake I would hope so.

Today 7:19 PM if they don't, I'll take a cinnamon roll then.

Harry Today 7:19 PM Cinnamon roll or cinnamon bagel. Noted. See you in 15?

Today 7:19 PM yeah, the complex gates should be open

Harry Today 7:19 PM :)

“Don’t stress about it, you’re just gonna make yourself cry again.”

“Shut up, Anais..” you mumble, frowning at your laptop screen. Your friend only smiles, applying more of the mellow green face mask to her cheeks. “It’s just… not gonna be the same, I could feel it through the fucking screen, it’s weird now. And I know I’m being dramatic--”

“No, no, and no, I’m joking. You can’t be sorry for feeling hurt. He’s thinking about an ex, of course that hurts, it’s a problem.” Anais was the only person you could bring yourself to tell about the entire situation, far too embarrassed to bring it up to anyone else. That, and the two of you are the polar extremes of the same personality so you balanced one another out. “Whether it was an innocent mistake- which is what I’m leaning towards the most -or if there’s even the slightest possibility that he’s still got more feelings for the girl than he should.. babe, you have every right to feel upset either way.”

“See, and what’s fucked is that I figured as much in the beginning. They’ve only been broken up for like a year, but he went and wrote like.. almost an entire album? There’s got to be some kind of-” You circle your hands in front of you. “- deeper connection there. You know?”

Anais twists her lips. “Yeah, I know.”

“I can’t be upset with him for feeling how he feels, but I can be upset about him stringing me along.”

“Mm! That’s good, write that down.” She points at your phone through the screen. “Just not the stringing along part. Too harsh. Say… upset about him being with you when he doesn’t know what he wants.”

You get as far as typing doesn’t before you sigh, setting your phone down on the couch beside you. “This isn’t gonna work, I feel like I’m prepping for a presentation.”

The two of you conjured up a bullet list of highlights to mention ever since Harry said he was on his way, as of now, all you had was:

don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry

“I’ve decided that I deserve more because I do”

try to bring up feelings?? somehow?

talk about how you’re feeling and then how it affects the relationship?

“You don’t have to read it right in front of him, just reference it before you open the door so you have like, some idea of what to say. Do you know what you want to say?”

“No, and he could get here literally at any minute now, fuck.”

“Okay, okay. New plan.” Anais starts, and your face is buried in your hands. “Ditch the phone. Just.. when he’s in front of you, you’ll think more clearly. You said that once, right?”

“It’s different now.” Your words are muffled.

“You’ll figure it out. You figure everything out.”

With another sigh you drag your hands down your face and leave them covering your mouth and chin, Anais sees easily through the screen that your eyes are watered over. “I’m so fucking scared, Ana.”

And it’s true. Clearly.

In the small number of months you’ve been together, Harry had become someone you couldn’t quite imagine life without. He was so warm and inviting, homey. Once one of the easiest people to talk to and now somehow you couldn’t fathom him sitting on your couch in a few minutes, a place he’s been more times than you could count.

You didn’t want to lose him and right now that seems like the only resolution.

Your best friend watches you from her own apartment, her face turned down into a frown. You’re cuddled up with your biggest throw at the very left side of your couch, laptop sat on the console you situated in front of you. The lights were dim, curtains and blinds wide open displaying the snowfall. You should be sipping on Stella Rosa from the bottle with that cliche ABC movie Snowglobe playing, but here you are on the verge of tears over something so minuscule yet complicated.

“I don’t know.. it all just seems so inevitable-” You pause when three solid knocks sound at your front door. “He’s here.”

“Oh, shit.”

“I’ll…” You take in a deep breath and move the blanket from your lap. “I’ll call you back?”

Anais nods, a small frown on her features. “Text me if I’m not awake. Love you.”

You try to smile. “Love you.”

You didn’t realize how much the white noise of Anais’ call filled the room. Everything went quiet, and Harry’s presence from behind the door is evermore distinct.

Your sock-clad feet pad lightly upon the wood floor, your nerves seemingly pulling you in the opposite direction. Thoughts of you sat on his bathroom floor reappear in your memory; the embarrassment of not feeling like enough, the regret of deciding to go over to his in the first place.

If he never invited you over for homemade soup none of this would’ve happened, you’d be tucked under his arm trying not to fall asleep-- but it then makes you wonder if this was something that needed to happen. That you were only a temporary fix before he could go back to the one that still held onto his love strung heart.

With your fingers on the deadbolt lock, you twist and push down on the nickel door handle. A rush of frosty air slips from outside and into your foyer, the wind shifting the baby hairs off of your face.

Once the door is fully open, you find Harry’s stood in a thick white sweater and navy coat, a soft blush has grown upon his nose and cheeks. His hair is much curlier than usual, toppled over to one side thanks to the unpredictable weather. He’s holding a bag from Coldwell’s in his right hand and under his scent of vanilla and pine, was the sugary smell of cinnamon bagels. He’s squinting ever so slightly and his lips are a deep shade of pink. Despite it all, you find yourself admiring your boyfriend and for that small moment, everything that happened that night is forgotten.

“Was gonna knock again, wasn’t sure if you’d heard.”

“No, yeah, I did. Sorry, I was-” You clear your throat. “Sorry.”

Harry frowns and you realize then that he’s been outside for a bit too long now. “S’fine, no need ‘t apologize.”

“Um, come in.” You say, stepping behind the door and Harry moves to shuffle through. You shut and lock the door as he toes of his boots.

There are a few tiny snowflakes still sat in his hair and any other time you’d brush them away and bring him in for a kiss.

Now, you only glance up at them and quickly advert your eyes before finding your way down the hall.

The two of you end up on your couch, you on one end (where you’d been bundled up majority of the week) and Harry in the middle. There was an incredibly odd amount of space between the two, but him being here isn’t as incredibly off-putting as you imagined it would be beforehand.

His coat is hung up in your front closet, and the bag of bagels he’d promised you sit on your coffee table, the heat of them creating moisture on the wooden surface.

You shift to tuck your foot under you, moving a stray hair from your cheek. “I’m not really sure where to start,” you admit, focused on the fluff of your blanket.

Harry sniffs and clears his throat, gaining your attention. “I love you. And I know I’ve said it countless times now I just.. Me saying her name that night was.. nothing but an honest mistake-- wasn’t actively thinking about her I-I know that Mark asked me a question about her maybe the other day? Like, beforehand and.. tha’s the only like, reason I could think up of why I said it.”

You’re silent, allowing him to explain himself the best he could, so he continues.

“Know s’not something you could just.. forget about and move on from-- I’ve hurt you in one of the worst ways possible. Know that completely and I.. I can’t apologize enough, love.. I just want you to that I’m recognizing that I was in the wrong, you know? Not that you.. are putting any blame on yourself-- fuckin’...” He sighs, running a quick hand over his face and it’s clear that there are tears gathering in his eyes. “I dunno, I’m like, ramblin’ now-”

“No, I um.. I think it’s more humiliation than anything. Not that I shouldn’t feel the way I do, it’s just.. fucking embarrassing.”

“I’m sorry. I am so so sorry.”

“I know-”

“No, y’really don’t because I.. really don’t want to lose you over this, you’re.. undoubtedly the best thing that’s happened to me in so long.”

“That doesn’t mean that there might be lingering feelings for her, H.”

“But there aren’t,” he nearly cuts you off.

“I care about you,” you start. “I do. And this.. entire situation kind of just made me.. think about my worth. Um... I promised myself that I’d never let someone have that much of an effect on how I view myself because I’m always going to be me, you know?”

Harry nods, eyebrows drawn into a frown and you continue.

“So I.. I thought about it and reevaluated what I deserve and I know that it’s a bit more than that.”

“It is. S’so much more.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about the two of you.” You advert your eyes for a second. “When you love, Harry you give so much and... not that I can tell you how you feel, but I’ve... I don’t know.”

Harry blinks. “I don’t have any other reason as to why I could’ve said it. I don’t but what I do know is that I don’t feel the way I did before about her now,” he pauses. “I know with everything in me that I’m in love with one person, and she’s sat right in front of me.”

It dawns on you then (not that it hasn’t crossed your mind already) that this could indeed be nothing but a mishap with no hidden meaning. You aren’t an expert on how brains work, and this thought doesn’t submerge the ache and betrayal you felt, but ending such a potential relationship over a genuine mistake makes your stomach turn.

“Camile and I were together, yeah? I wrote some songs, we broke up, I wrote some more and yes, I was in love and then heartbroken but all of those feelings are so minuscule to how you make me feel. To how you’ve made me feel the last few months I’ve known you. You’ve got no idea how much I mean that. Baby, you have me. I don-”

You take his hand that was outstretched towards you- him being ever adamant on speaking with gestures - and rise to your knees, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He wraps his around your back right away, pulling you closer into his chest.

“I love you,” he mumbles into your skin. “I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I love you.”

“I love you,” you finally say, eyes burning with tears. “I know I sound stupid; asking you for reassurance I-”

“No, hey, no. You deserve all of the reassurance in the world after that, darling. I can’t apologize enough.”

“It’s just gonna take me a little time, okay?”

“I know, love.. I’m sorry.”

Another one of Harry’s redeemable qualities was his integrity. You were aware of his morals and how authentic he was and despite the hurt and embarrassment you went through, you knew his heart.

There is no doubt that the two of you would be taking baby-steps for a spell; the important thing was that Harry was willing to wait as long you needed. And luckily for him, with the snow still brushing your window, there was an excuse for you to stay cuddled up with him for the remainder of the night.

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qiankunfics · 3 years

Text

KunTen Masterlist Part 2

AO3

1. Instead of a Rivalry, Can I Have a Romance? by lilyhearted

Summary: Actually, he wouldn’t have even known there was a rivalry in the first place if Hendery hadn’t found that stupid gossip article online. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

2. gratuitous by fldx

Summary: Ten knows he looks as shameless as he feels. There's no hesitation in the way he spreads his legs further to show off his hole, teasing himself with a single finger. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

3. Caught Up Over You by easycomeeasygo

Summary: Yukhei laughs and elbows Kun, “He’s looking at our sweet darling Kun-ge like he wants to devour him.” Rating: Mature Status: One-shot

4. our side of the mountain by andnowforyaya

Summary: Kun and Ten sneak away in the early hours of the morning, before the crew wakes, before the other boys wake, for some quality time together. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

5. We just need to talk it out by cherrycitrus_blossom

Summary: The last thing Ten wanted was to make Kun feel like he couldn't talk to him, but why didn't Ten notice this earlier? Why did it take one comment from Johnny for Ten to realise that this friendship took more than two steps back? Rating: General Status: One-Shot

6. Flickering by violetpeche

Summary: Brushing your teeth in candlelight is not romantic. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

7. sirens in my head by thereisnoreality

Summary: Part of murdery martrimony collection Rating: Explicit / Mature Status: One-Shot Trigger: Literally murder mentioned/implied

8. Apple of My Eye by Lertsek

Summary: Ten wears purple lipstick. Kun likes it. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

9. we are not what we once were by johnjaemark

Summary: Ten and Kun meet again at a party thrown by their record company. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

10. breakfast meal by 10vesick

Summary: Follow-up to the Twit-fic Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

11. Lift me up by Luonnotar

Summary: Kun just wants to go home and forget about his insufferable colleague, but a technical mishap throws a wrench into his plans Rating: General Status: One-Shot

12. One brick at a time by ForMyBabies (BooksandKpop)

Summary: Ten and Kun get into a fight and Ten is petty so while Kun is at work he covers the whole bedroom floor with legos and waits for Kun to return. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

13. Here Because of the People by eggboyksoo

Summary: Dance teacher and aspiring choreographer Ten moonlights as a cashier at a local supermarket to pay his bills. Kun happens to do his weekly shop during Ten's Monday morning shift. Both carry more baggage than most realise. Rating: Teen Status: On-Going

14. Pineapples by subbyyang

Summary: Ten reads a very interesting article on the advantages of pineapples. He decides to check the results for himself Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

15. Extra Practice by subbyyang

Summary: Ten and Kun get the practice room for themselves and don't waste time. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

16. It was an accident, I swear! by princessgongjunim (MyOwnCharacterInEverything)

Summary: Ten sends a wrong text to Alpha Kun. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

17. we've got till noon, here comes the moon by taeyomi (buttercream)

Summary: Ten remembers his voice saying it. He also remembers being held by him, how real everything felt. It’s true Ten’s never been in love before so he wouldn’t actually be able to compare, but he’s got an inkling Jackson’s formula wasn’t too far from it. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

18. baby, fuck me with your mic on by jxmxnbabe

Summary: Kun and Ten fuck while the mic is recording Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

19. happy hoelloween by violetpeche

Summary: Multi-shots Rating: Explcit Status: On-going

20. messages in blood on my bathroom mirror by jinnieshyun (angelsouls)

Summary: Ten finds blood on his bathroom mirror. It's surprisingly helpful. (And the guy is hot.) Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

21. a collection of hearts by andnowforyaya

Summary: Who does this guy think he is, walking into Ten’s shop with the most adorable kid in the universe, with hair like that, a smile so blinding it could rival the light of the sun? There has to be a catch. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

22. sugar frosted fruity us by moonwalker116 (mikararinna)

Summary: Ten really likes the sugary sweet frosted cereal flakes that they sell in order to fool children into eating breakfast. Kun wasn't so fond of the cereal. But just like many of Ten's quirks and bits, Kun accepted the fact that Ten really loved those cereals. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

23. sous-vide this love by kwonjis

Summary: “i see you’ve met ten’s new beau, not a fan of his i’m assuming?” sicheng says dryly. kun huffs and turns away, grabbing a ladle from somewhere and stirring the pot behind him vigorously. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

24. all's well that ends well (to end up with you) by drmroses

Summary: Kun finds himself in an urgent predicament as he gets to know Ten Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

25. Make The Stars Align by easycomeeasygo

Summary: Kun runs around Beijing looking for the cute boy in the yellow sweater. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

26. fear is just a word (heaven just a place) by rowenabane

Summary: The man’s lips flicker upwards at the words, as if Kun has just told a very funny but tasteless joke. “I know.” Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

27. catching feelings by madhoney

Summary: “You’ve trained so much for this,” Kun said. “You don’t need anyone to take care of you. You don’t need me to take care of you.” Rating: General Status: One-Shot

28. boy with a heart by andnowforyaya

Summary: “He won’t come out,” Guangheng says, taking his stew from Kun’s hands. “He says his stomach still hurts.” Rating: General Status: One-Shot

29. bedtime routine by tostitos

Summary: it's just like ten to mess up kun's perfect bedtime routine of coffee and a easy-reading novel with his oral fixation. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

30. and now we are prey by lunarsoo

Summary: Serial Killer hunts down Agent Kun. Rating: Explicit / Mature Status: One-shot

31. and now we are prey by lunarsoo

Summary: The more Kun knows Ten, the more he realizes he doesn’t know much about him at all. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

32. love the way you're talking to me by 10vesick

Summary: Ten seemingly doesn’t understand what Kun is saying. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

33. you could be the king but watch the queen conquer by thereisnoreality

Summary: Part of murdery martrimony Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

34. 2054 by pinkwinwin

Summary: He was designed this way, after all. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

35. it’s been a long, long time. by RedamancyEffect

Summary: Kun couldn’t help but notice how Ten treated him differently since he presented. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

36. 何以歌 (a song with no name) by sayounarahitori

Summary: Kun writes music and waits for Ten. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

37. To The Prettiest Boy in School by Alette

Summary: *Main pairing is Xiaodery but KunTen is cute here too. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

38. Are They Together or Not? by NovemberSuns

Summary: No one seems to know exactly what Kun and Ten’s relationship is. Yangyang is determined to find out. Rating: Teen Status: One-shot

39. Coming Home by bInTheMoon

Summary: Ten, a modern witch, finds himself in the past and get help of Qian Kun, the handsome vampire who is going to show him what home feels like. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

40. A Kiss in Your Body by akaashigf

Summary: Kun was managing his crush and relationship with Ten well until one day, he mysteriously woke up in his body. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

41. Is This Your Card? by Kill3rWhal3D1ck

Summary: Ten thinks Kun is pretty cool in his own weird way and wishes everyone would just let him live. Rating: Teen Status: Completed *Part of NCT WayV Hogwarts AU

42. I'm Not Coming up for Air by zosma

Summary: When Ten can't pull the threads of privacy, of identity and control, away from the performance of his daily life, Kun helps him come down in the one place that's truly private-- the shower. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

43. What Happened at Yuta’s Party? by NovemberSuns

Summary: From Taeyong getting wasted and Doyoung crying about Jeno growing up to Kun and Ten staring at each other across the room, everyone has something to remember about this particular party. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

44. hold on, hold tight by rainingover

Summary: Except now he's got these intermittent stomach aches and he's started to feel guilty about every other thought he has. Mainly the ones about Ten. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

45. i am a lion, i am a queen by kuntenjohnil

Summary: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul turning into a female: Double the trouble. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

46. Cold Coffee by sunsetude

Summary: Kun’s exhausted, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

47. Missing You by starryeyed (kaylie153)

Summary: Ten doesn't get a lot of alone time anymore on tour with SuperM. So he takes the chances he can get to call his closest friend and confidante in private. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

48. togetherness by andnowforyaya

Summary: After six years, Ten still acted like Baba was the coolest thing since people landed on the moon. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

49. Kun's Out Of Body Sexting Experience by sayounarahitori

Summary: Ten won't stop sending Kun photos. It… escalates. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

50. for real by 10vesick

Summary:Ten and Kun had been building this marriage way before either of them had even proposed. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

#kunten #masterlist #part 2 #kun #qian kun

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ethereal-parkner · 4 years

Text

Challenge Accepted

Parkner Week 2020 Day 4: Coming Out

read it on AO3

Harley Keener was never one to shy away from a challenge. When the older kids in school dared him to try a cigarette, he smoked one all the way down without so much as a cough. He’d seen his father do it enough when he was younger that he knew how to go for it immediately. In fact, he was so determined to prove the other boys wrong that he continued smoking for another four years.

When Harley first met Peter he was told that Peter “couldn’t hate anyone.” That was a challenge.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he’d utter everytime he waltzed into the lab. Peter was always there at 8:00 AM on the dot, sometimes earlier. (Harley would get there at noon if they were lucky). “Whatcha workin on today?” He’d watch Peter flush as he draped himself over the back of the boy’s chair, reaching over his shoulders to flip through the pages of scribbled notes and plans. Yes, he could certainly make the boy hate him and prove the old man wrong. (Watching him flush and stutter at his words was just a plus).

The younger boy wouldn’t answer some days, only tug at his shirt and flush red and pretend not to notice Harley. Other days he’d barely tug out a response, tripping over every word that tumbled through his mouth. His favorite days were the ones where he’d quip back. If Peter felt up to it, the two could go back and forth for hours until Tony kicked them out of the lab for distracting him. Of course, they never made it too far from the lab, choosing to sit cross legged on the floor outside of the lab door until they were allowed back in, continuing to jab back and forth at each other.

“What, have you got a crush on me?” Peter crossed his arms and gleamed at the boy who was laughing at him. Harley’s eyes widened and he bust out laughing again.

“A crush on you? I could crush you, shortcake.” Harley held a hand up to his waist as if to motion how tall Peter was. Peter kicked out one leg to knock Harley in the knee. Grabbing his leg in pain, Harley couldn’t help but continue at the boy who was trying so hard to act mad. His words barely came out as he was wheezing through glee, “You look like angry pingu!”

“I already told you I’m not short!” Peter couldn’t help but giggle too at the comparison, proceeding to cross his arms and scrunch his nose for only a moment before dissolving back into a fit of hilarity.

Tony banned them from sitting outside the door of the lab when he kicked them out.

That was a challenge.

Harley’s new agenda was to get kicked out of the lab in every way possible. (Making Peter hate him could always wait for later). Just the next day, he tried figuring out every way he could get kicked out of the lab. It started with the banter, just as it had been already, but wasn’t that too boring? This was a challenge, Harley could do better than that. He decided to bring in the one thing he knew Tony would never ever understand: gen z culture.

It took some help from Peter, but they were able to sneak some code to Friday while Tony was passed out in the lab. Through quiet giggles and occasional shushes, they somehow managed not to wake up the man sleeping fifteen feet away. Harley was banned from the lab for a week when Tony woke up to see a suit doing the Savage dance in the lab.

The suit really could throw it back, though. Gross.

Peter wasn’t banned from the lab, but he still sat outside with Harley. They got to talking about new ways they could get kicked out of the lab and anger their mentor.

“I know how to juggle,” Peter offered whilst stretching his arms out in front of him.

“How on earth would that help us, Sugar?” Harley grinned tiredly and rolled his head to look at Peter. Peter was still showing up to sit outside the lab at 8:00 AM, and Harley couldn’t help but feel bad for letting the boy sit alone by the door for so long, so there he was, sitting outside the lab at hours that Harley’s not sure he’s ever seen before.

“You didn’t let me finish,” Peter articulated, “I know how to juggle bricks.” He shot one finger at Harley with a small grin.

“Wha- How did you learn to juggle bricks?” Harley sat up from where he was leaning against the wall.

“It was kind of an accident, long story though. What can you do?” Harley could barely comprehend what just happened. Peter just disclosed that he learned to juggle bricks on accident and acted like it wasn’t a story worth telling.

“I mean, I can juggle bricks too.” Harley grinned, “But not for very long, and I’ll break a few things.” Peter stared at him before breaking into the most joyful laughter Harley thinks he’s ever seen in his life. His eyes lit up, and it took two minutes before Peter could speak again, and another ten before he’d totally calmed down from small giggle fits (but Harley was sure he’d caught Peter quietly laughing again hours later).

“Are you still laughing over the bricks?” Harley asked astounded. He couldn’t hold back a small chuckle at the sight of Peter letting go of barely contained laughter, noting that it was “just too funny.”

Harley didn’t notice a change until the day they watched Tony walk past them into the lab, the sun already up. They made it a habit to stay up and talk, now about anything that came to their minds. He listened to Peter talk about his friends from school, the science papers he’d read for free when his friend hacked the school’s database, and how he enjoyed Solo for Han even though most people didn’t actually like the movie. In fact, Harley had somehow learned a lot about Star Wars. He felt like they had a nice friendship, even though making Peter hate him was still on his to-do list. Harley never backed down from a challenge, but he could postpone one.

Making Peter hate him could always wait for later.

“Do you think Tony would kick me out if I smoked in the lab?” Harley asked carelessly from the other side of the couch. Peter immediately turned his head up to look him in the eye,

“I think I’d kick you out if you smoked in the lab. Do you know how dangerous that is? You shouldn’t be smoking at all, Harls.”

Where did that come from?

“Aw, come on, shortcake. I was just kidding.” Harley chuckled.

“Harley, no, I’m serious,” Peter considered his next words carefully, “I bet you can’t quit smoking.”

Harley stood from his seat, thin blanket falling off of his lap along with Peter’s legs. “I can quit smoking,” he defended.

“Prove it.”

That was a challenge.

From that day on, Harley never so much as looked at a cigarette. It was almost nice, he considered, nobody had ever really cared enough to want him to stop. In fact, nobody had even realized how to push Harley the way that Peter learned to.

Harley thought it was normal, he really did. He was just spending time with a friend and having fun, every day, all day long, always finding new things to talk about. Hell, Harley would never have listened to anyone talk about Star Wars so much before he met Peter. Too bad he still had to make Peter hate him, right? It could wait.

Harley managed to accidentally find another way to get banned from the lab: getting sick. For a week, he was hurling, coughing, sneezing, and napping at all hours of the day. Peter, the saint, was by his side through the whole week.

“Don’t worry, I can’t get sick,” he’d told him when Harley blearily expressed his concern. He didn’t really understand, but he was sure it all came down to the fever. 104, for fuck’s sake.

Peter came in with chicken soup, Gatorade, blankets, tissues, lysol, anything he could think of.

“Bet you can’t eat the whole bowl of soup,” Peter would whisper as he sat next to Harley on the bed, resting a hand on his forehead.

“Bet I can,” Harley would mutter half asleep and delirious with fever, “Gimme that.” Peter smiled and handed over the thermos of chicken soup. Harley never finished the soup before falling back to sleep, but Peter always let him believe that he had.

He laid in bed with Harley and let Harley press his burning forehead against his cold hands. God, how Harley wished it were his hands in his instead of his fever, wished he had Peter around forever to take care of him while he was sick, wished he had Peter around forever.

Harley got over most of the sickness smoothly enough. His fever went down, his food stayed in, and his nose cleared up. The part that stuck around, though, was his cough, but that could be ignored easily enough. Harley had to make up for lost time with his best friend and terrorize their mentor.

“I want to go into music, but I feel like I’d be wasting my brain, y’know? I mean, I want to study music in college, but everything in my life has been pointing me towards engineering, or business, or whatever.” Harley sighed, leaning his head back against the wall.

“You can do whatever you want. If you really wanted you could even double major,” Peter offered with a frown when Harley let out a breathy cough, “You’ve had that cough for a while now. Maybe we should get it checked out?”

“No, it’ll go away. I’ve been sick before, it’ll just figure itself out. But I feel like I’d be letting down everybody if I didn’t go on into SI. Like, why have we been here this whole time? Why have I spent so much time in the lab?” Harley wheezed again prompting Peter to rub his back with a gentle hand on his wrist. Peter always knew what to do, could always help. Making Peter hate him could always wait for later.

“We just like to spend time with you. You know Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts wouldn’t be disappointed, and if you really wanted to still do SI, you know Ms. Potts knows more than some old professors would,” Peter grinned with a lilt to his voice, “You can still play music if you want. Get the best of both worlds, like Hannah Montana.”

“You know I’m not Miley, I’m Travis.” Harley laughed.

“You can still be Travis if you’re playing the cello.”

It only took Harley two weeks to decide that he liked Peter’s idea. Studying music but still being able to take over SI, Pepper had already offered to teach him everything there is to know about running the company. Four years in a music program, and the rest of his life running Stark Industries with Peter, it didn’t sound so bad. (Unless Peter hated him, but that could wait).

Another two weeks and Harley was checked into the hospital, Peter refusing to leave his side. They told him that his body wasn’t reacting well to the flu he’d recovered from and that his lungs were struggling to keep up. Harley knew why, Peter knew he knew.

“Don’t be afraid. The two of us can get through anything, don’t even worry. We’re, like, the dream team.” Peter sat on the edge of the hospital bed and spouted off everything that came to mind. Really optimistic, Harley thought, considering he’d just been told that his lungs may fail to keep up at all, but that was why he loved Peter so much, always so optimistic.

…

Fuck.

So Harley had feelings for Peter, and it was becoming increasingly clear that he’d had said feelings for quite some time and never addressed it even with himself. Because he was too chicken to admit his feelings to himself? Because he’s too chicken to admit his feelings to his beloved?

Is that a challenge?

He could put that off until he got better. He could wait until Peter hated him. He could wait. Wait, wait, wait. He wasn’t scared to admit his feelings to Peter and lose him. He wasn’t scared to make Peter hate him and lose him. He just needed more time, he had more to hold onto before then.

He needed more time.

More time to have a best friend, more time to play music and build nothing in the lab, more time to risk his friendship for love because, yes, he fell so in love with the best friend who was supposed to hate him. More, more, more time.

Harley couldn’t say he was surprised to hear the words “terminal illness” when the doctor came into his room with that look on his face. It sounded like a challenge, Harley knew it was an obstacle. What was a challenge was the ticking of the clock on the wall, counting out loud every second that Peter lived on not knowing how Harley felt.

He pretended to not hear his friend cry in the dark room at endless hours of the night. He pretended not to think about the future that he planned out with his friend. He pretended not to notice the way Tony could barely stand being in the room with him. He pretended not to feel the ache in his chest with each weak breath he tried so hard to take. Evading the end wasn’t a challenge. Greeting it with courage was a challenge.

“Peter?” He was leaving soon. He wasn’t ready. His music, his unfinished projects, his Peter.

“Can I tell you something?” Someone else could play music, right? Someone else would interpret his notes, right? Someone else would love Peter, he knew that. That may have been the worst part.

“I, I like guys. No. I like you. I love you so much.” The words had no pitch, no volume.

One last challenge.

Maybe Peter would hate him for leaving him so soon, not giving him any time. Peter could hate him and find a new best friend, a better lover, never grieve or shed a tear. Harley Keener never shied away from a challenge. (Peter loved hard. Harley’s picture stayed in his wallet all the way through old age nonetheless).

Once I was told that good men get better with age.

We’re just gonna skip that stage.

- “What Would I Do?” Falsettos

#parkner week 2020 #parkner #peter x harley #parley #keenker #peter parker #harley keener #spiderman #spider man #angst #major character death

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pips-fics · 4 years

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ask: if it isn't too much I'd like to request a fic where minho catches the flu and is so spaced out he starts talking in third person please and thankies,, love your writing btw !!

and here it is! a weird tone for this one and it may or may not have turned into a changlix fic (low-key!) and i’m not mad about it? anyway, hope you all enjoy! :)

——

the members of stray kids had endured many long days, days that started far too early in the morning and ended far too late at night for any sane human being. and yet, this had been a long day even for them. longer for some than others.

in particular, minho had woken up at 1 am with a fever, the stomach flu, and a desperate need for a toilet, and he hadn’t been back to sleep since. arguably, though, the day had been even longer for changbin, and he’d woken up at noon.

the problem is, he’d woken up at noon and immediately been placed in charge of keeping an eye on minho. and felix, apparently. heaven knows what kind of karma he must’ve accrued in his previous life to deserve this.

officially, felix was supposed to be helping changbin out, but all he’d done so far was cover his ears and hide when minho puked and encourage whatever nonsense the sick boy had been spouting all day.

“changbin-hyung!” changbin was currently hiding out in the bedroom, trying to get a break from babysitting. “changbin-hyung, minho-hyung looks green again!”

changbin groaned loudly, stood up, opened the door, and was met with felix’s panicked face. minho was draped over the younger boy’s back, completely limp. felix’s voice was high-pitched. “changbin-hyung! help! please.”

“oh for the love of— felix, why did you bring him here?” frankly, it was astounding that anyone had thought felix would be any sort of assistance in this situation - and that includes felix himself, because he was indeed the one who insisted on staying back and “helping” today while they others went about their various schedules.

a sweet thought, changbin acknowledged, if thoughts were what actually counted.

“but you’re here!” felix protested. changbin resisted the urge to palm his own forehead. instead he put a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder to encourage him to turn around and go back the way he came.

“let’s just get him to the bathroom as soon as possible.”

“minho feels sick.” felix and changbin froze, starting at each other. neither of them had said that. changbin placed the back of his hand on minho’s head and was unsurprised to find it warmer than it had been all day.

“what was that, hyung?” felix asked quietly. this time minho didn’t respond, his head hanging down, eyes closed, snoring softly. changbin shrugged.

“whatever, let’s just go before he wakes up and makes a mess.”

felix nodded his head in vigorous agreement and let changbin assist them (the younger boy was nearly collapsing at this point).

the dorm was a mess, changbin noted as they made their way through it. the couch was in shambles because minho liked to take the upright cushions off. there were tissues all over because minho didn’t have energy to find a trashcan, apparently even if it was directly next to the couch he was laying on. there were dirty dishes and also clean ones on the counter and the ground (why? changbin didn’t know) and frankly it was rather fortunate that seungmin wasn’t here right now.

the bathroom was even worse than the rest of the dorm, but it wasn’t worth cleaning until they could fully dispel the overwhelming smell of vomit, which wouldn’t happen until minho was feeling better. the sick boy remained sleeping after being laid gently atop a pile of pillows and blankets on the ground - they’d spent so much time in there, they figured it was worth making it comfortable.

changbin and felix relaxed a bit as well, the younger boy sitting close to the door so that he could make a quick escape should minho’s stomach act up suddenly.

“do you want to nap, too?” felix asked earnestly. changbin could feel his heart thawing. squeamishness aside, felix really was an angel.

“are you sure?” changbin knew the answer before he even heard it.

“yes!” felix squeaked, almost excited. “i know i haven’t been very useful up until now, but i’d like to do something. i know you were up late last night working on stuff.”

he had been. it actually wasn’t common for changbin to sleep as late as he had today, but he hadn’t returned to the dorm until 4 in the morning, and had continued working until the sun had well past peeked through the windows, probably not sleeping until around seven or eight o’clock.

permission granted, he fell asleep within a minute.

he woke up to felix making a noise that could really only be described as shrieking.

“what?! what’s happening?” changbin sat up way to fast, trying to wipe drool from his face and instead punching himself lightly in the jaw. his eyes gradually found felix, gradually found what he was screaming about: a splotch of vomit on his shirt.

changbin sighed, turning back to minho.

“really? you puked on him? you had one job—“ changbin had been joking (half joking, maybe), but he stopped suddenly upon seeing tears in the sick boy’s eyes.

“minho’s sorry!” the eldest whined pitifully. “minho didn’t mean to make a mess!”

“uh… hyung…” tears started falling and changbin did everything he could to not just sit there in stunned silence. “hey, don’t cry, it’s okay.”

“minho feels bad,” the sick boy cried. changbin gently helped him lean over the toilet. “doesn’t wanna be sick!”

“it’ll be okay, hyung, you’ll be alright.” seeing that minho wasn’t going to be sick immediately, changbin turned back to felix, who was breathing hard but otherwise seemed to be frozen in place. “lix, do you think you can get that shirt off on your own? you can wipe up the mess with a towel first so there’s less risk of it getting on you.”

felix nods robotically and changbin wishes he could do more, but minho starts retching just then. throwing the youngest an apologetic look, changbin refocuses.

“that’s it, get it out,” he encourages. watching minho cry is a completely surreal experience. up until now, changbin had hardly heard him whimper.

“minho doesn’t wa- hck,” minho gags. “doesn’t wanna be sick!”

“i know.” changbin can’t think of anything better to say, so he sticks to gently shushing the older boy as he begins to heave up what little remained in his stomach. a handful of heaves and a large shudder later, he’s pulling away from the toilet and leaning his full weight against changbin.

“minho’s tired,” he mumbles. changbin flushes the toilet and helps minho to his feet.

“let’s get you cleaned up and then you can sleep. sound good?”

minho just nods. after that, he keeps quiet, entirely worn out and seemingly feeling a bit better. he even drinks a few sips of water when felix returns, only slightly traumatized, with a water bottle. by the time they get him tucked into bed, he’s out like a light. changbin is nearly there, too.

“how long did i nap for before, by the way,” he asks felix when they’re snuggled up in the bed next to minho’s. felix has a new shirt on and he snorts at the question.

“about 2 whole minutes, hyung, i don’t even know how you fell asleep so fast. or how you’re still awake now! get some rest already!”

changbin doesn’t need to be told twice. he’s well on his way to dreamland when he mumbles, “thanks, lix,” and he won’t remember if he actually said it later, but he knows felix will get the message either way.

——

feel free to send more asks!

#stray kids #stray kids sickfic #skz sickfic #sick minho #lee minho #seo changbin #lee felix #kpop sickfic #sickfic #wow !#2 fits in less than 24 hours !#yey #someone send me a LUCY ask i've earned it >:(#jk jk jk #...unless?#tw emeto #kpop emeto

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xnovamore · 4 years

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Lost And Found Part 1

Samsteve Anniversary Week - Day 2: Captain America Sam Wilson. This event is run by @samstevesmallgifts

Read on Ao3

Summary: After a long mission and an even longer press briefing, Sam decides to take the long way home and walk through the park. It turns out to be a good decision.

It was with a sigh of relief and undeniable annoyance that Sam steps into the crisp D.C. air. It was still early in the day, maybe just past noon, but both his mind and body were so exhausted he would have believed it was close to midnight.

He had been up for 3 days straight now, and come to think of it he had only gotten 4 hours of sleep the day before he left. Usually the pure adrenaline from a mission would make him forget his newfound bouts of insomnia, but this mission was not like his others. He woke up to a phone call from James Rhodes and things just escalated from there. Before he knew it he was picked up in a jet and flying halfway around the planet just to get into a shoot-out with an army of Hydra soldiers. They held their own but a wayward rocket going off destroyed a part of the city and trapped their team for hours before helped arrive. The destruction of the city triggered international outrage that only got worse when news broke that the high-level Hydra officials they were aiming to arrest escaped. From the moment they touched down in the United States they were dealing with reporter after reporter in between meetings getting yelled at by various officials. The press conference was basically open season and Sam himself had taken almost all of the heat.

In some ways, he knew it was going to be like this. Despite having taken over the Captain America title for months now, he was still considered a ‘new guy’ on the national superhero scene. To the American media, he was this random kid Isaiah Bradley found on the streets of Harlem and made his successor as he stepped into retirement. They hadn’t trusted him from the start and blamed him and his lack of experience for the mission’s failure. Luckily Rhodes and Ororo Munroe had his back throughout this entire ordeal.

He wasn’t used to this. To the distrust and out of pocket accusations coming out of passive aggressive television hosts all over the country. His neighborhood had always been supportive from the moment he started running with Captain America. Soon his name started flowing through all of New York but rarely outside of that. He still had his day job at the V.A. and with every major battle in the city there were more and more veterans seeking help with their PTSD. And his loyalty to the people in his community came first, which Cap understood.

But now Sam’s centerstage and he’s not really sure how to feel about that.

Shoving his hands deeper in his pockets he declined the offered car service deciding to walk home. He needed the time to come down off his mission high and exercise usually helped with that. There’s no way he could job in his current state so instead he walked at a slow and steady pace avoiding crowds and cutting through the streets of D.C..

His feet moved while his mind raced and eventually he stopped paying attention to where he was. He only looked up when the sounds of children yelling filled the air. The park before him was small, but pretty. The magnolia blossoms swaying in the wind as children ran around the open field was soothing to Sam. The noise reminded him of his own neighborhood, and that small connection to home was what he needed right now.

Sam sits on a nearby bench and watches the parks inhibits move around the space. There was a family of four walking slowly around the grounds chatting, a teenager sitting with 2 pouty children, 2 men jogging, an elderly couple sitting side-by-side not speaking but holding each other close, and a group of children playing tag football under the careful watch of 4 older women. It was nice. A reminder of normal everyday life that he’s long since forgotten. He stays there for awhile watching as everyone but the elderly couple and the children with their guardians leave and new people come in and out. He stays until the sound of cameras flashing and politician’s doubletalk is replaced by loud laughter and joyful screeching. He’s actually being to relax for the first time in months until the sound of small feet running gets louder and louder. Then he sees a blonde blur running past his bench and collapsing near a tree.

Sam’s on his feet calling for Redwing before he even knows it. He runs to the little girl’s aid and crouches down to where they’re eye level. “Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“No, not okay,” she wheezes back. She’s got her knees pulled up into her chest and her head resting on them facing downward as she spoke, “If I don’t get some water I think I might actually die.”

“Are you running from somewhere?” Millions of scenarios race through his mind as his eyes look for any injuries or signs of a struggle. Redwing caws in the air as Sam’s body gears up for a fight. “Are you running from someone?”

“Not running hiding.” The girl looks up at Redwing’s call and a pair of baby blue eyes lock onto Sam. She gasped and shoots up so fast Sam nearly jumps back in surprise. “Oh-OH!! You’re Captain America aren’t you?!”

“Yeah I am so if your in some kind of trouble-“

“No no its nothing like that.” She shakes her head hard sending lose hair clips tumbling to the floor. With a hand she brushes back her curly blonde bangs and stares wide-eyed up at Sam. “I’m just hiding from my dad.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah we’re playing hide and go seek.”

With that Sam lets out a huge breath. His relaxes his muscles and chuckles under his breath. Of course, it’s just a girl playing in a park with her father. Calm down Sam. He refocuses on the girl before him and turns on the charm. He reaches out his hand with a wide smile, “I’m guessing your hiding?”

She takes the offered hand but doesn’t let up after she’s standing. Instead she shakes their hands hard up and down, “Yep, nice to meet ya Mr. Captain America. I’m Ellon.”

Sam gives her a genuine smile. “Nice to meet you too Ellon.” He points up to the sky, “Redwing says hi too.” And on cue Red squawks while circling the sky. Ellon grins and cups her mouth to propel her voice, “Nice to meet you Redwing!”

Redwing caws and does some tricks making the girl laugh. Sam smiles, really smiles. He can tell Ellon was a high energy kid, despite seemingly being out of breath only a few moments ago she was now bouncing in place looking like she wanted to take off after Redwing. He kind of wishes he could bounce back like that too.

“You know, my dad is going to be so jealous I met you. He thinks you’re his biggest fan but he’s not. I’m your biggest fan, but I told him he could be your second biggest fan.”

A father and daughter bickering over him really was an amusing thought. Especially if it was this little girl, he could imagine she’d be a stubborn one. “Well you can both be my biggest fan.”

“No, we can’t! There can only be 1 #1! That’s why I always win when we play games.” She gasped and looked behind her. “Oh uh, I still need to hide.”

“Well I don’t see anyone coming.”

“Yeah but my dad is really fast. And he cheats!” She looks around for hiding spots but seemingly comes up empty. Instead she turns back to Sam pouting.

It may not be life and death, but I can still help her. Unfortunately, the size of the park left them without many options. The only thing that caught Sam’s eyes was an oak tree a few feet away. Walking over to it, Sam eyed the tree carefully rasping his knuckles against it. Ellon followed him over and caught on to what he was planning.

“This is perfect! You can fly so you can take me to the very top!”

“I dunno, it looks strong enough but we need to make sure it can hold you.”

Ellon scrutinized the tree with him, “It will hold, I can tell. Me and my dad go tree climbing a lot.” She pouts at him again, and when that doesn’t get a reaction, she pulls out a full puppy dog face complete with a quivering lip and big baby blue eyes. Sam knows when he’s beaten.

Ellon claps happily as he puts his jet pack on. He puts on his Darlene Wilson voice when instructing her to keep still as he lifts them into the air. Those few moments when his feet lifts off the ground and he’s weightless is still as amazing as the first time he flew. Ellon whoops as their in the air and Sam whoops back. He places her on a branch that’s hidden from sight on the ground but that’s not too high up either. When he reaches the ground again, Ellon pretends to zip her lips shut and Sam does the same thing back. He de-suits and hides his jet pack behind the oak tree. Then he sits at the bottom of it and waits.

#SSAW 2020 #samsteve #stevesam #freebird #samsteve fanfic #sam x steve #steve x sam #my writing

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trashcanreddiefan · 4 years

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The 3rd Annual Losers’ Club Christmakkah Celebration

Summary: The Losers gather for their third annual Christmakkah celebration, which doubles as Richie & Eddie’s wedding.

Word Count: 3600-ish. (This one got away from me.)

Warnings: Usual Trashmouth swearing.

Author’s Note: Post-Chapter 2. All of the Losers are alive in this fic, including Stan, because canon can suck it. 3rd in what will now be a (at least) 4-part series where the Losers take turns hosting Christmakkah. Part 1 here, part 2 here.

CROSS-POSTED AT AO3.

Richie watched as Eddie slept soundly next to him. How did I get so lucky, he thought.

Not only did he have a successful career he now enjoyed, an adorable niece and 2 nephews that he loved to spoil, and the best friends he could possibly ask for, but he was also about to say 'I do' to the man he had been in love with his entire life.

All of the Losers would be involved in his and Eddie's wedding in some capacity. Once Mike had found out that Richie and Eddie wanted to get married on Christmas Eve he had offered to host Christmakkah at his house so they could have a private ceremony on the beach behind his house and wouldn't have to worry about the added stress of hosting the Losers; Stan and Bill would be Richie & Eddie's witnesses/best men, respectively; Beverly would escort Richie down the aisle to Eddie and had personally designed their suits; and Ben would officiate.

Mike had also planned a joint bachelor party for them, the seven original Losers all going out to a local nightclub earlier that evening.

He must've tipped off the DJ when he had gone to get the first round of drinks, because shortly after Mike came back she said, "I hear we have a bachelor party in the house tonight, where are our two lucky gentlemen that are getting hitched?"

Richie's eyes widened as Bill, Mike, Bev, Ben, and even Stan -- the traitor -- all hooted and pointed over to him and Eddie.

"Well now, look at this gorgeous couple," the DJ said. "Congratulations and best wishes!" She winked. "Enjoy your night, boys."

Richie drank just enough to get a good buzz going but not so much that he'd pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow, which is why he was still awake at 3 AM while the love of his life softly snored beside him.

His thoughts were interrupted when Eddie stirred. "Rich, I can feel you staring," he mumbled before blinking blearily up at Richie. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Just thinking," Richie replied.

"Is it about the wedding?" Eddie sat up, looking panicked. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?"

Richie quickly shook his head. "No, no, absolutely not. I've never been more sure about anything in my life than I am about marrying you. I just… It all feels like a dream, like I'm going to wake up from the Deadlights and the past 2 years won't have actually happened."

Eddie studied him for a moment before reaching for him. "Come 'mere." He pulled Richie into his arms and lay them both back down, tracing gentle patterns on Richie's bare back. "It's not a dream, you know," he whispered into Richie's ear before gently kissing his shoulder. "I'm real and I'm here and I love you more than life itself."

"Love you too, Eds," Richie murmured in reply. "Can't wait to marry you."

"Try to get some rest, ok?"

Richie nodded sleepily. Eddie was an expert at getting Richie to relax enough for his brain to shut off for a while. "Ok," he whispered before nodding off into dreamland.

____________________________________

Late the next morning Richie woke up to a fully-dressed Eddie pressing light kisses to his face. "Morning, soon-to-be husband," Eddie murmured against his lips.

"Mmm, yeah, husband. I like the sound of that," Richie replied, grabbing Eddie and rolling them over to kiss him more thoroughly.

Eddie squeaked as Richie kissed his way down his neck to his collarbone. "Come on, Rich, we don't have time."

"Wedding's not till 4, you sure we don't have time, Eds?" he mumbled, dipping his tongue into the sensitive area between Eddie's head and neck. He'd kill me if he had a visible hickey in our wedding photos, he thought, resisting the urge to suck a mark into Eddie's clavicle, although he couldn't deny that having photographic evidence of his physical claim on Eddie was a bit of a turn-on. He settled for planting soft kisses along Eddie's collarbone before gently grazing Eddie's pulse point with his teeth, one of his hands sliding underneath Eddie's shirt along his rock-hard abs.

Eddie bit back a moan. "It's already noon, we have to finish getting everything set up, and we'll both need time to shower and get ready, and -- Jesus Christ, that feels amazing. I'll -- I'll let you ravish me as soon as we're married, how about that? You can even drag me off to Mike's utility closet and have your wicked way with me if you want."

"Mmm, promise?" Richie rolled his hips into Eddie's.

"Yeah, baby, whatever-- Fuck, Richie." Eddie groaned. "Whatever you want, just wait until after we say 'I do'."

Richie gave Eddie one final kiss on the lips. "Okay."

He hopped out of bed and headed for the dresser, grabbing a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. He hid a grin as he heard Eddie mutter 'fucking tease'. "So what's on the agenda for this morning?"

Eddie huffed then sat up. "Ben and Bill are setting up the awning outside, Bev is steaming our suits, Patty and Audra are taking the kids to get Olivia's hair done, and I'm going to head with Mike and Stan to pick up dinner for tonight. Bev will bring your suit in here once it's ready -- I'll be getting dressed in Mike's room." He got up and straightened his shirt from where Richie had rucked it up.

"Oh come on, Eds," Richie said jokingly. "You don't really believe in all that 'bad luck to see the bride before the wedding' stuff, do you?"

Eddie raised an eyebrow. "No," he replied lowly, walking towards Richie, "but I already want to jump you and I know if I see you in your suit before the wedding I won't be able to help myself, and I would much rather be able to take my time peeling it off of you after you're my husband."

Richie shivered as Eddie backed him into the wall. "Christ, Eddie."

"Mmm hmm. I know, baby. Me too." He gave Richie a chaste kiss. "See you later, gorgeous," he said with a wink before walking out the door.

Richie got dressed at lightning speed and walked out into Mike's backyard and down the boardwalk to the beach, where Ben and Bill were putting the finishing touches on the awning.

"Hey, there's the other handsome groom," Bill said.

"Morning, guys," Richie replied. "Need any help?"

"Nah, we got it," Ben said. "You just focus on getting married later. Got your vows done?"

Richie and Eddie had talked it over, and since the only people at their wedding would be the Losers and their respective spouses, they had decided to write their own vows since they wouldn't have to censor themselves… much.

Richie smiled. "Yep."

"Gonna let anyone read them before the wedding?"

Richie shook his head. "Nope."

Bill grinned. "Am I going to have to make sure Eddie doesn't kill you before you two are even married?"

"We'll see," Richie replied with a wink. "Since you guys are done I'm gonna go see if Beverly needs any help."

As if summoned Beverly appeared behind him. "Wow, guys, that looks great." She turned to Richie. "Your suit is in your room whenever you're ready to get dressed."

Richie gave Beverly a hug. "Thanks, Bev."

"You busy?"

Richie shook his head. "No, looks like everything is taken care of here. Need me to do anything?"

Beverly smiled. "Yep, come with me."

She grabbed Richie's hand and dragged him to her and Ben's rental car.

"Where are we going?" Richie asked as he buckled his seatbelt.

Beverly squeezed his hand. "We're getting you ready to get married."

She brought Richie to a moderately upscale salon where the stylist tamed his wild curls into something that was manageable, but still very much Richie, then they swung by the florist to pick up the boutonnieres before heading back to Mike's.

Beverly ushered him towards the shower. "Now, go get ready and try not to get your hair wet. I'll see you downstairs."

Richie took a brief shower, managing to avoid ruining his hairstyle. He had gotten his shirt, pants, socks and shoes on and was attempting to tie his bowtie when there was a knock on the door.

"Rich? You decent?" came Stan's voice.

"Yeah, man, come on in!"

The door opened and Stan walked in, wearing a black suit similar to the one Richie was currently sporting. "As your best man, I feel it's my duty to see how you're doing," he said.

"Fine, fine," Richie replied. "Never better, to be honest."

"Here, let me help you. You've always been completely useless at tying a tie," Stan said fondly, giving Richie a warm smile.

Richie sat down on the bed. "Thanks, Stan."

Stan made quick work of Richie's bowtie, straightening it once he had it knotted and handing Richie his suit jacket.

Richie stood and slid his suit jacket on.

Stan pinned Richie's boutonniere to his lapel and quickly ran a lint roller over the suit jacket. "There, you're all set."

Richie walked over to the mirror and caught the first glimpse of himself in his suit. He froze as the realization struck him. "Holy fucking shit, man, I'm getting married," he said. "To Eddie."

"Aaaand there it is," Stan said, turning Richie back toward him and guiding him back to sit on the bed.

"What the fuck am I doing, Stan?" Richie asked, his voice starting to wobble. "Why would someone as perfect as Eddie want to be with a fuckup like me? I'm just some hack comedian who got lucky telling other people's jokes and Eddie's out there saving lives and shit. He's too good for me, I don't deserve him."

"Rich, buddy, look at me. It's okay, I promise." Stan gently placed his hands on Richie's shoulders. "Eddie loves you, and I know he wouldn't have asked you to marry him if he didn't. You're way more than just a hack comedian -- and I swear to God if you ever tell a soul I said this I'll deny it till I die -- but your original material is actually pretty damn funny."

Richie siffled. "Thanks, Stan."

Stan dug in his pocket. "Here, Bill gave me this to give to you."

He handed Richie a folded piece of paper. On the outside, written in Eddie's neat script, was Richie.

Richie unfolded the note and began to read.

I know what you're thinking, and stop that nonsense. I love you and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you as my brilliant, funny, loving husband.

See you soon,

Eddie

Richie laughed tearfully. He folded the note back up and tucked it into his pocket before wiping his eyes.

Stan checked his phone. "It's time. You alright?"

Richie nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'm ok."

"Ok then, let's go."

Beverly, who was escorting Richie down the aisle, was waiting for him by Mike's back door. "Richie, you look wonderful."

"Well of course, my suit was personally designed by the best," Richie replied with a wink.

"Good luck, Rich," Stan said, giving Richie one last hug before slipping outside to let Ben know that they were ready. "See you out there."

Beverly patted him on the arm. "I'm proud of you, Richie."

"Bev, I'm so fucking lucky," Richie replied.

Beverly smiled warmly. "So is Eddie, honey. You two are good for each other."

The music started up and she offered him her arm. "He's waiting for you. Ready to go get married?"

Richie nodded. "Abso-fuckin-loutely."

Beverly opened the door and led Richie down the stairs to the pier. Richie glanced up and locked eyes with Eddie, whose smile bloomed so brightly that it made Richie's heart flutter happily in his chest.

Any residual nerves he may have been feeling suddenly left him. That's my husband, he thought.

Beverly escorted him to the end of the aisle, where she gave Richie and Eddie each a kiss on the cheek. "Love you both," she said before taking her seat between Mike and Patty.

Richie turned to Eddie. "Hi," he whispered. "I love you."

"I love you," Eddie whispered back, giving Richie's hand a brief squeeze.

Ben cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved Losers," he began, "we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Eddie and Richie, who have asked us to join them as they pledge their lives to one another.

"Eddie, Richie, before we begin let me just thank you both again for asking me to officiate. It's truly an honor and I love you both so much. I didn't meet you guys until we were 13, but I could immediately tell that there was something special between you two and I've loved to be able to watch your bond blossom and grow once we all reunited."

He looked down at the piece of paper he held. "Now, please face each other and join hands."

Richie took Eddie's hands in his own, rubbing his thumb over Eddie's ring finger as Ben began to read.

"These are the hands of your best friend, strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it, support and encouragement to pursue your dreams, and comfort in difficult times. And these are the hands that even years from now will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just one touch."

He looked up. "May we have the rings, please?"

Audra, who was holding her and Bill's son Max, and Beverly, who was holding her and Ben's son, Burke, set their respective sons down and handed them each a ring box containing Eddie and Richie's rings, whispering, "Go see Uncle Richie!"/"Go give this to Uncle Eddie!"

Richie couldn't help but make an aww sound as his nephew toddled over to him. "Thanks, bud," he said, squatting down and giving Max a hug before sending him back to Audra.

"May you be reminded each day how precious a gift you have each been given as you exchange rings as a symbol of your love and devotion to each other," Ben continued. "Now, Eddie and Richie have decided to write their own vows -- God help us all." He paused as the Losers all burst into laughter. "Eddie, would you like to go first?"

Eddie took Richie's left hand in his. "Richie, ever since the day we met you have been the sun in my solar system, the brightest star in my sky, and the biggest pain in my ass."

Richie honestly wasn't sure if he was going to laugh, cry, or blurt out something inappropriate so he bit his lip in order to keep his mouth shut.

Eddie quirked a smile before continuing. "But honestly, there's no one else I'd rather go through life with than you. You are my life, my love, my forever." He slid Richie's wedding band onto his finger, squeezing his hand before letting go.

Ben wiped a tear from his eye. "That was beautiful, Eddie. Richie?"

Richie took a deep breath. "Eddie, my love," he began, "All I ever wanted when we were kids was to be able to spend my life with you, but growing up I never thought I would be able to have that happiness. God, what I wouldn't have given back then to have been brave enough to tell you just how much you meant to me and to be able to hold you and kiss you. Well here we are 30 years later, where I'm now able to do all that and more. Better late than never, right?" He winked at Eddie, who seemed to be fighting back tears even as he let out a chuckle.

"Every day I thank whatever higher power is in existence that I have you in my life. You are my best friend -- sorry Bill and Stan, the debate is finally settled -- my heart, my soul, and my partner in crime, in life, and in love. Words cannot even begin to express the love I feel for you, but I hope to be able to show it to you today and every single day for the rest of our lives." He slid Eddie's ring onto his ring finger, placing a soft kiss there as he did so.

Eddie was openly weeping. "You ass -- asshole, I -- I was expect -- expecting your vows to be fun-- funny," he hiccuped.

"Sorry to disappoint, babe," Richie said, wiping away Eddie's tears with his thumb.

Eddie shook his head. "I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too."

Ben discreetly blew his nose before continuing the ceremony. "Ok, well since there's no way anything could possibly top those vows, by the power vested in me I now pronounce you married. Fellow Losers, please join me in officially welcoming Misters Edward and Richard Kaspbrak-Tozier!"

Richie reached out and tilted Eddie's face up for their first kiss as husbands. He took Eddie's left hand in his and raised them above their heads, the setting sun glinting off of their matching rings. "We fucking did it!" he cheered as their friends surrounded them with love and congratulations.

Later, after Eddie had dragged Richie off to make good on his promise of a thorough ravishing, the Losers sat in Mike's living room, warm and sated from Christmakkah dinner and good wine.

They had completed their Christmakkah gift opening and Bill, Ben, and Stan had just returned from putting their respective kids to bed. Richie and Eddie sat together on Mike's floor, fingers intertwined and Richie absentmindedly rubbing his finger across Eddie's wedding ring.

Bill stood and held up his glass. "I'd like to make a toast to the newlyweds," he announced. "Richie, Eddie, may your marriage be blessed with many years of happiness, laughter, and love. Congratulations, guys. We love you."

"To Richie and Eddie!" everyone echoed before taking a sip.

Richie gave Eddie a kiss before standing. "Actually I'd like to say something as well." He turned to Eddie. "Eddie, my husband, love of my life, congratulations on being the one to make an honest man out of me. Since Ben, Stan, Bill and Mike are all tragically straight, I guess you'll have to do."

Eddie rolled his eyes. "I knew you had written joke vows," he muttered fondly. "Jackass."

Richie chuckled. "No but seriously, thank you for loving me and bringing light to my life. I'm looking forward to spending a lifetime with you."

He turned to the rest of the Losers. "To you guys, thank you all for being a part of our special day. You all went above and beyond to make sure that everything went off without a hitch, and I know that Eddie agrees with me when I say that you are the best bunch of Losers we could ever ask for. Mike, thank you for being such a gracious host and for putting up with Eddie's bridezilla-y ass the entire week before the wedding."

"Hey!" Eddie protested. "You're the one who walked down the aisle, if anything you were the bride. I just wanted to make sure that we weren't forgetting any details."

"Whatever you say, oh husband of mine." Richie winked as Eddie got a sappy look on his face at the word 'husband'. Oh, I'm going to enjoy milking that for all its worth.

"Bill and Stan, thank you for being our witnesses. Really feeling the OG Losers love. Bev, thank you for designing my and Eddie's suits. Never thought my husband could look any more gorgeous than he does in his scrubs, but fuck, was I wrong. Ben, you were the best damn officiant we could've asked for. We love you, man. Patty, thanks again for taking wedding photos for us, we really appreciate it. Audra, same goes for the video. Now I have proof for when Eddie denies crying during my vows."

While he was talking, Eddie had gotten up and gathered gift bags, handing them out to each adult Loser in addition to handing an additional gift bag to Beverly, Audra, and Patty for the kids before returning to Richie's side and wrapping a hand around his waist. "Rich and I have a small gift for each of you as a token of our appreciation," he explained. "Hope you guys like them."

Richie and Eddie watched as each person pulled out their gift - a personalized wine glass and beer stein for the adults with the phrase, "Losers' Club est. 1989" and their names underneath and a personalized hooded towel for the kids with "Junior Loser" and their names monogrammed into the corner.

"Patty, Audra, even though you two married into the Losers' Club, you're still official Losers in our hearts," Richie said, placing a hand over his chest.

After everyone had finished their drinks they bade each other goodnight before beginning to disperse to their respective rooms, Richie and Eddie heading hand-in-hand to theirs.

After they had showered and brushed their teeth, Richie climbed into bed, hovering over Eddie. "Hello, husband," he purred.

"Mmm, hello yourself, husband," Eddie replied, pulling Richie in for a tender kiss. "God, we're really fucking married, aren't we?"

Richie hummed in the affirmative. "Till death do us part, baby. No takebacks."

Eddie was silent for a moment. "No takebacks, huh? That gives me an idea."

A few days after they arrived back in Los Angeles, Richie sent a photo of his and Eddie's ring fingers sporting matching tattoos with their wedding date. Decided to make the symbol of our love a little more permanent. ;)

#Richie x Eddie #Reddie #tcrf writes

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noona-clock · 5 years

Text

Have You Heard? - Part 6

Genre: Office!AU

Pairing: Shownu x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Oh, no.

No. No, please god, no.

For the love of all that is holy, please - please - tell me that none of that had actually happened.

Because, if your memory served you right, you had allowed yourself to drink way too much alcohol last night. And you had allowed Shownu to take you home. And you had allowed your secret to come tumbling out of your drunken mouth.

And, to top it all off! You had kissed him! With that same drunken mouth!

But, wait. The fun doesn’t even stop there.

After you’d kissed him, you’d announced that you were going to go throw up. And then you’d left him on your doorstep, going inside to do just that.

Wow.

WooooOOOOOOw!!!!!!

Oh, dear god.

You would give every single cent in your bank account for all of that to turn out to be one big, bad nightmare. One really big, really bad nightmare.

But, no.

As much as you wished it wasn’t true... it was.

It had happened.

And now... you had absolutely no idea what you were going to do about it.

There was no way in H-E-Double hockey sticks you were going to contact him. Maybe you should apologize for your behavior, but to do that would mean you were acknowledging everything you’d said (and done), and you just really, really, really did not want to do that.

You would much rather pretend it had never happened, in fact.

And you could only hope Shownu felt the same way.

Since you woke up on Saturday feeling on the brink of death - physically and emotionally - you spent basically the whole day in bed. Drinking lots and lots of water.

And also hardly even looking at your phone in case Shownu had decided to text or call you.

You brought yourself to actually leave the house on Sunday because you had to go grocery shopping, but you found you were looking over your shoulder every few seconds. You also wished you had worn a baseball cap and sunglasses; even though Shownu was the only other person (hopefully) who had witnessed your embarrassment of the century, you still wanted to disguise yourself.

Actually, you just straight up wanted to change your whole identity. Become a whole new person. One who hadn’t confessed every single feeling to the very guy to whom those feelings applied.

When you finally picked up your phone around mid-afternoon on Sunday, you weren’t sure if you were extremely relieved or kind of disappointed there was nothing from Shownu.

On one hand, you were more than glad you didn’t have to come up with some sort of response to any number of questions he could’ve asked.

But on the other hand, you did want to know what he was thinking.

The fact he hadn’t said anything was not a good sign.

Now, you knew it didn’t necessarily mean he was avoiding you because... this is Shownu we’re talking about. You’ve described him as the Strong, Silent type on more than one occasion.

But... to be silent after somebody confesses their feelings to you? You weren’t sure if Shownu was that type.

Even though you knew you had to have checked your phone sooner or later, you wished you hadn’t. You wished you had just disconnected your cell service and traded in your phone for a nice letter-writing desk.

Because now that you knew Shownu hadn’t texted or called, it’s all you thought about.

It’s all you worried about.

I mean, not all you worried about because you were still very much worrying about your post-dinner fiasco. So, I guess, it was safe to say that half the time you were worrying about Shownu not contacting you and the other half you were worrying about why he wasn’t contacting you in the first place.

And, to top it all off, you even dreamed about Shownu during your few hours of anxious, restless sleep on Sunday night.

But it wasn’t even an anxiety dream. It would’ve made a lot more sense if you’d dreamt that he was ignoring you at work or that he’d gotten amnesia and couldn’t remember who you were or that he secretly had a girlfriend you didn’t know about it.

No, your dream had been...

Well, I think it might be easier to explain it in gifs.

Umm...

So...

Yeah.

He had been, like, dancing? For some reason? You didn’t even know if Shownu could dance, but in your dream - boy, he sure could.

And, to be honest, it was enough to make you want to skip work.

When your alarm went off on Monday morning, you knew you were not ready to face him.

You would probably never be fully ready, but you were fairly certain you would be more ready than you were now.

So you sent a quick text to your boss to let him know you weren’t feeling well and wouldn’t be coming in today. When he replied with a ‘Get lots of rest, feel better soon,’ you pulled your comforter over your head and attempted to go back to sleep.

But, I swear, if you dreamed about sexy, dancing Shownu again...

Since you hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, it only took about five seconds for you to drift off once your head hit your pillow.

And you didn’t wake up until you heard a few, loud knocks on your front door.

A quick glance at your phone sitting on your bedside table told you it was just after noon, so at least you’d gotten a good five or so hours of sleep in.

You figured it was probably the mailman dropping off a package, so you took your time rolling out of bed and shuffling to the door. He should have just dropped it off, knocked, and left seeing as you were normally never home on a Monday afternoon.

A huge yawn escaped as you reached out, grasping the doorknob and pulling the door open.

And then a strangled, gasping noise emerged from the back of your throat because instead of seeing a package sitting on your doormat...

You saw Shownu.

“Hey,” he greeted, just the tiniest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “I’m sorry to bother you, I just -- I was a little worried, so I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

...All you could do was stare at him.

And blink.

And not move a single centimeter.

Shownu let out a soft chuckle, and he gestured into your entryway. “Can I... come in?” he asked, raising his eyebrows earnestly.

You nodded, stepping aside and opening the door wider so he could walk in past you.

Wait -- wait, what?! Why were you letting him in?! Having Shownu in your house, being alone with him was the absolute last thing you needed right now!

But it was too late because you were already heading into your living room and ushering him to sit on the couch.

“So... are you all right?” he asked as you perched on the edge of the sofa, on the absolute opposite end of where he was currently sitting.

You nodded again, reaching up to smooth your hair back behind your ears because oh my god you had literally just woken up.

“Are you sure?” he asked softly. “Because you’re not looking at --”

“Do you want something to drink?” you interrupted, wanting to steer the conversation away from anything having to do with him. “Or eat, maybe? Did you come here on your lunch break?”

“Oh,” he grinned, letting out a breathy chuckle. “Yeah, I did. I was worried. I wanted to come and check up on you.”

You let out soft exhale, still majorly avoiding his gaze but trying to plaster a little smile on your lips. “That was nice of you. I’m okay, though. Just a little --”

“You’re not still hungover are you?”

Oh, god, why did he have to bring up the fact that you’d been intoxicated?

“No,” you answered immediately. “No, no, it’s not that.”

He simply nodded, letting out a low hum.

And... now it was awkwardly silent.

You heard Shownu take a deep breath in, and just for half a second, you glanced over at him.

Did he... look nervous? Or were you just imagining things?

Maybe he was just feeling incredibly awkward like you were.

“Listen, there’s something I need to --”

Instinctively, you cut him off. “Shownu, I am so sorry,” you blurted out, your brow furrowing as you focused your gaze on his shoes. “You have no idea how embarrassed I am. I should never have had that much to drink, and I should never have ki -- please, please, please can we just forget that ever happened?”

The sound of your voice sounded foreign to your ears because it was so damn pathetic, but dear god, you were desperate to erase that whole thing.

You saw Shownu angle his body to face you better, his shoes shuffling around on your floor. “Forget?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused. “Why would you want to forget?”

Your gaze flew to his face at his words. You needed to see if he was mocking you, but you saw from his expression that he definitely was not. He was serious.

“Why -- why would I -- because I was quite drunk, and I --” you stammered, feeling your cheeks begin to flame. “I mean, I told you -- I confe -- and I ki --”

“You’re embarrassed because you told me how you feel about me? And because you kissed me?” he asked.

“...Well, yeah.”

“And... is that why you haven’t talked to me since then?”

“...Yeah.”

“Wait, is that why you didn’t come into work?” he asked, the tone of confusion even more prominent.

“...Yeeeaaaaah,” you answered slowly.

For some reason, you expected Shownu to be upset with you. You waited for his brow to furrow in consternation. You waited for a scoff of disappointment.

But instead, he let out a soft laugh of surprised amusement.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” he said with a hidden smile. “If I had known, I would’ve come here a lot sooner.”

You stared at him for a few moments, unsure as to what the heck he was talking about. “What do you --”

“I mean, I’ll be honest. I didn’t message you or anything this weekend because I wasn’t sure what to say. And I thought maybe you were feeling bad or something, and I didn’t want to bother you. I was also kind of waiting to see you again in person, but when you didn’t show up for work this morning...”

He shifted again, this time scooting closer to you. He let out a shaky breath, and you wondered again if he was actually nervous or if you were just imagining things...

And then he reached out and took your hands. He looked you right in the eye, his eyebrows raised as he gazed at you with the utmost sincerity.

“I like you, too,” he told you.

A strangled laugh escaped through your nose, and you had to hold yourself back from tugging your hands out of his gentle grip.

“No --”

“I didn’t realize it until you told me,” he admitted. “But looking back, I’ve liked you for a while. I guess that’s why I was so upset when you kind of avoided me all of last week.”

Your heart began to race, and your voice was small and timid when you spoke. “You really were upset by that?”

He nodded a bit sheepishly.

Remember when you’d thought nothing bothered him? Or, at least, if something did you hadn’t yet figured out what it was?

Well, now you’d found something.

You avoiding him bothered him.

And, boy, did that send your heart into a fluttering tizzy.

“I only did that because Changkyun told me it was obvious that I liked you, so I didn’t want you to figure it out, and the best way to keep you from figuring it out was to --”

“Well, as you found out, the only way I figured it out was when you literally told me point-blank,” he chuckled.

So, Changkyun had been right. And you had been a fool. At least, you felt foolish.

“I know I’m kind of clueless,” Shownu admitted with a very bashful grin. “But I guess I was even more clueless when it came to you because I wasn’t looking for that. I was just looking for a job. Finding someone was one of the last things on my mind, so I just -- I didn’t even think about it. You were just... a co-worker who I really liked to be around and talk to.”

You bit the inside of your cheek as you watched him; he was clearly thinking, so you didn’t want to interrupt him.

“When you told me you had a crush on me, I was so taken by surprise. And then when you kissed me, I -- I mean, if you hadn’t pulled away so quickly and gone inside to --”

Your cheeks burned and your stomach roiled just thinking about the words he’d left unspoken. Jesus, you had actually told him you were going to go throw up.

WOW.

“I probably would have pulled you closer and kept it going,” he continued, breaking into your deluge of embarrassing thoughts.

Your head jerked back in surprise, and you were pretty sure your jaw dropped open, your mouth forming into a small ‘oh.’ “What?!” you yelped.

The smile which appeared on Shownu’s lips made your heart skip a beat or five, and he squeezed your fingers gently.

“Even though it wasn’t the ideal situation... I’m glad it happened. I’m glad you told me. Because I really -- really like you,” he proclaimed with just a hint of shyness. “And I hope that we can... I mean, if you want to...”

You gulped, realizing now just how dry your mouth and throat were. “If I want to... what?” you asked, your voice just barely above a whisper.

“Go on a date?”

Part 7

#shownu scenarios #shownu imagines #shownu au #shownu fluff #shownu fanfic #monsta x scenarios #monsta x imagines #monsta x au #monsta x fluff #monsta x fanfic #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop au #kpop fluff #kpop fanfic #shownu #son hyunwoo #monsta x

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oh-its-souichi · 5 years

Text

Ultra- Violence

Part 4

Overhaul X Reader

Yo!

l--o-n-g---a-n-g-s-t-y--f-a-n-f-i-c--a-h-e-a-d.

Yeah I gave myself to much credit this series should be finished in a few days.

Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, physical abuse, drugs, Overhaul’s a bit ooc but eh, LEMON (which I am absolute trash at writing so I kept it EMBARRASSINGLY short) , this part is long and the grammar is shite. Sorry.

You stood prim and proper as always a kind and loving smile on your face completely void of any thought or emotion. At this point you didn’t even fell human anymore. You felt like an empty vessel. None of your senses worked anymore like they had been zapped away.

Your arms and legs were numb

Your head foggy

Your ears unable to hear what was going on around you

Hell you couldn’t even understand word he was saying like you had completely forgotten how to comprehend your native tongue. Well that was until he uttered his last sentence. Six words you would never imagined HE would string along, forming them purposefully in a sentence. “You what?” you stuttered dropping your hands at your size, your mouth agape.

He raised an eyebrow at your boldness repeating himself, giving you the benefit of the doubt. “I want to start a family.” He repeated. All the language skills you had built up over the years abandoned you leaving you to stare blankly at him, your mouth trying to from some semblance of a ineligible pronouncement. ‘A family!’ you screamed in your head. To bring a kid into this, no, his world would be nothing short of cruel.

The likely hood of him wanting to bring the kid into the world for the pleasure of being a father was slim to none. If anything he would probably use it in an experiment as he had your parents. You didn’t know why though. He could barely handle being around adults let alone some germ bag kid. You paused your words your brain ticking at the word. Germ. That’s it.

“Children are so dirty my dear” you said snaking your way across the room and to his side. Mimicking the same moves he pulled on you when attempting to be charismatic. “Can you imagine the sickness they would track home and infect everything with?” You allowed your voice to seethe as you bent down practically whispering the last part into his ear.

Your voice made goosebumps raise up on his shin and he was reminded of the sensation of your lips against his. Playing along with your game he pulled you down onto his lap, running a gloved finger along you jaw, making you shiver at it’s tenderness. “But it would be from you my darling. They would be pure” his voice was plain as usual but you could hear what could only be.. adoration?

You looked into his eyes watching them sparkle with something. Did he mean what he was saying? or was there something motivating him. A shadow of a plan that lurked beneath his coy words. “No” you said feeling the danger of your utterance. The twinkle in his eye you saw seconds ago faded away his eyes hardening in it’s place.

The room around you went completely silent.

He stared into your eyes making you shift uncomfortably on his lap, tempting you go hop off and run for the door, escaping out of his confines but he cleared his throat before you could work up the nerve. “Well that’s to bad my dear” he said.

Painstakingly slow he drug his hand up the back of your neck and into your hair, his touch like a million little kisses, like the feeling of feathers on your skin. It made you woozy, it made you want him. He continued up, making sure you felt how could he could feel against you until he got the the middle of your head and stopped. He toyed with the idea your obstinance was due to the the loss of your mother and that he should pardon your bad behavior but immediately shoved the idea away. He was never one for forgiveness anyhow. Suddenly he slammed your head into the arm of the coach, his masked face void of any emotion.

You gasped at the pain that engulfed your face, blood flowing out of your nose.

Tears begged to leave your eyes but you didn’t let them.

You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“Why would I want the father of my children to be someone like you.” you spit your voice muffled by the coach. He ran his fingers calmly through your hair staring blankly in front of him.

“Someone like me?” he questioned pressing your face harder into the coach causing more blood to gush out of your nose. “Someone who can’t love.” you said calming your nerves. He sounded genuinely curious. “You’re fucking sick. What kind of child wants a father who can’t even love their mother.”

He went silence for a moment seeming to mull what you said around in his head. “On the contrary my angel.” he said shoving you off of his lap and onto the floor, your body thudding harshly on the carpet. “I adore you” he said his voice laced with sadness and disgust. You let your head hang allowing the blood to drip onto the ground, staining the creme carpet. You knew how much your dearly beloved hated blood. You scoffed looking up to him only to see him turn his head away refusing to look at you. ‘Typical’ you thought bringing your hands onto his knees. “Why won’t you look at me? Am I to dirty for you" you breathed extending his name. His eyes hardened, fury growing evident on his face.

Harshly he grabbed you by your hair yanking you to your feet.

He wanted to kill you. He wanted to watch your blood splatter your body exploding before him, popping like a water balloon for being such a pretentious bitch and bleeding all over his floor. He didn’t act on that desire though. You were to rare to kill. Instead he studied your face loathing the blood that streamed out of your nose the bruise that was forming on the bridge of your nose. He had done it again. He was staining you.

“I adore you” he said letting go of your hair, allowing your body to fall back to the ground. You blinked in amazement. Watching him walk away. “Go to your room and bath. Be sure you are ready for me when I come to visit you.” You sighed giving up. You would never win. He waited by the door holding it open for you, waiting for a response. “Yes dear” you said weakly standing up and walking past him and out into the hallway. He hummed pleased “Now go into your room. I will bring your noon meds. soon.”

You nodded solemnly walking down the hallway and into your room.

....

A few hours later, the meds. given having warn off, you sat sobbing quietly in your room. Your swollen eyes watched rain drops streak down your bedroom window.

You had been focusing on a specific pink flower that seemed to be getting berated by the heavy drops, the tender little plant rocked clumsily with each impact. It looked like the pedals would fall from the stem and rot on the ground below but you suddenly remembered how resilient flowers were. You had no reason to worry.

To the right of you- you heard your door slam into the dresser you had used to barricade yourself in your room with, in an attempt to keep people, well, him out.

“Y/N” he stated obviously unamused “Remove your dresser from the door now.” Ignoring him you continued to stare out the window wishing so badly that you had been born that pink flower. So you could have been planted in Overhaul’s garden, close enough to know who he was and for him to acknowledge you but far enough away he could never hurt you again. Part of you wanted to laugh at the thought.

You sounded pathetic.

Maybe you were

Having been so wrapped up in your own thoughts you didn’t hear Overhaul demand you to open the door once again. At your silence he sighed going nd fetching Chrono and Nemoto who were awaiting his instruction in his office. They heeded to his request and left to deal with you. Overhaul on the other having predicted what your reaction would be when the two men busted down your door stopped by is lab to retrieve a more potent tranquilizer. The medication required an injection so patiently he prepared the necessary supplies he would need to preform the shot. Methodically he retrieved a clean syringe and pushed the tip into the bottle of Midazolam he head placed on one of the counters.

As he slipped the needle in he heard the door crack open followed by a weak scream. He pumped the liquid inside of the syringe cringing as he heard you continue to protest. “Let go of me!” he heard you sob your voice muffled.

He wished you would have been reasonable and opened your door so he wouldn’t have had to go to these lengths but you forced his hand. He didn’t want to allow Nemoto and Chrono to lay their filthy hands on you but you were so goddamn stubborn. It pissed him off that you would disrespect him after everything he had done for you.’Ungrateful’ he thought walking down the long corridor until he reached your room.

The sight he walked in on disgusted him. Chrono and Nemoto had you roughly pinned to the bed, your hair was strewn around wildly while your extremities were shaking. “Continue to hold her tightly” he said his words feeling like acid in his mouth. “I’m going to be giving her an injection.” At his words you thrashed around until Nemoto shoved his knee into your back causing you to cry out in pain. “Nemoto Be gentle with her please” Overhaul said circling around the bed until he was at your side. Feeling his presence you let out a defeated sigh and relaxed under the grasps that held you. “It will be okay my angel” he said stroking your hair before calmly injecting the serum into your arm. After the liquid was dispelled into your veins, you relaxed.

Your precious body going limp.

“Release her” he told the two men, catching you in his arms before you slipped off of the bed and hit the ground after they let go. Lovingly he lifted you onto the bed, he knew your skin was crawling with his assistants filth but that could be dealt with after you got some rest.

...

When you woke up your head was throbbing, a pain like knives plunging into your skull. Weakly you groaned slapping your hand to your forehead. “Oh my gosh” you sighed at the pain at the pain finding it hard to focus your eyes. Desperately you looked around your, from what you could tell, dimly lit room. All the furniture that you normally would have been able to see was blurry almost like there was a thick fog surrounding you. “What did he give me’ you thought sadly hoping this wasn’t permanent.

There was a cool breeze hitting your face filling your nose with the scent of rain. Involuntarily you felt your body take a deep breathe in reveling in the freshness of the air. Now that you thought about it you couldn’t remember the last time you had a breathe of fresh air. Overhaul didn’t let you outside and the window in your room was barred shut prohibiting you from opening it. ‘How is the air getting in?” you thought attempting to sit up but collapsed back into your pillows. A groan escaped your lips and you tried again to no avail.

“Are you awake angel?” you heard Overhaul say his voice like medication to your throbbing head. “Yes dear” you said swiftly not having heard him come in and attempted to sit up but stopped when your body began to shake.Overhaul watched you struggle his blank face covered by a thin black mask. He wore black pants and black button up shirt with the sleeves still rolled up from giving you a bath as well as dealing with his other experiment.

He placed your meds as well as a cup of water onto your bedside table and helped you sit up, positioning your body against your head board. “Are you experiencing any discomfort?” he asked taking his hands off of your body, satisfied with your position. “My head hurts a bit and I can’t see. My vision is blurry” He hummed figuring the tranquilizer hadn’t worn off yet, nothing to be concerned about. “Take these. I included a pain medication to assist with the pain”

Compliantly you downed whatever ever was in the cup desperate for some relief and took a swig of water feeling the pills trickle down your throat. There was definitely more than usual but you didn’t care. After swallowing the last pill you sigh softly and blindly placed the cups onto the nearest hard wood surface.

The coolness of the liquid seemed to bring you back to your senses.

.As your eyes cleared you could see a new white door hanging off the hinges where your old one used to, your dresser tucked neatly against the wall. Embarrassment seeped into you cheeks, turning them red. “Thank you” you said to him hoping he would gloss over your mental breakdown, not that he was one to do that. “Anything for you” he sighed making you cringe. Here is comes you thought casting your eyes away from him to the window expecting his hand to latch onto your scalp and ripe you off the bed and hurt you until he thought he had punished you enough.

Overhaul’s eyes lingered down on you taking in your face. You looked different than before almost... sickly. Your eyes were hallow with sadness, your skin sunken with the amount of chemicals he had forced into your system. Not that you were repulsive. Far from it. Even drugged up you were ethereal.

Curtly he cleared his throat. “I had to do that to your parents angel. You know that right?” he said. You exhaled sadly once he pronounced the ‘S’ at the end of parents. ‘I’m sorry dad’ you thought picturing his face. “Please not now” you sighed. He sat down beside you grasping your hand “No, you need to tell me you understand” he said a bit of desperation in his voice.

You didn’t answer, not knowing what to say and let a silence fall over the two of you. Outside you could hear the rain continuing to thump off of the roof and you wished you were out there to feel it. He scooted your head closer to his mouth, his touch inciting a fire in you. ‘I love him’ you thought your eyes rolling back at the silkiness of his voice. “I did it for you” he said tucking some of your hair behind your right ear. “Because of them I am one step closer to riding society of it’s sickness and making it safe for you to live in, safe for our children to live in.” he said placing a render hand on you stomach making you flinch.

He had never touched you like that.

Before you knew it you found yourself leaning into his chest, the steady thrum of his heart beat soothing you as another wave of drowsiness hit your body. “if you refuse me though angel, like you did earlier, their deaths would mean nothing” he whispered into your ear. Your eyes widened in horror.

In the distance you could hear you conscientiousness screaming, begging you to reject the poison (bullshit) but you ignored it being drug back by his voice. “The sacrifice they made was for you. They wanted us to be happy in a healthy world. Your not going to disrespect them by throwing that all away are you?” he said pushing you lightly away.

‘How could I have been so selfish?’ you thought feeling guilt rock your body, tears welling up in your eyes. “Of course not!” you said embracing him in a tight hug, sweetly surrendering to him. He jumped slightly at your touch but calmed and smiled underneath his mask.

He knew you would understand.

“Save your tears angel” he said raising your head from his chest. Gently with his thumbs he brushed away your pesky tears, seeing the helplessness in your face. He had you in his trap. becoming completely dependent on him as he always wanted. You nodded and he could see your eyes wrinkle telling him you were smiling at him from underneath your mask. Gingerly he discarded his mask setting it on the bedside table then repeated the action and took off yours placing it next to his.

Remaining still you watched his movements feeling a cool gust of wind run up your exposed back. You turned you head to the window only to have it brought back by his ungloved hands. He cupped your face carefully kissing you.

Goosebumps erupted on your arms, spreading across your chest and legs. Without giving you time to adjust to this sudden display of affection he caressed you down onto the bed, his body hovering over you. Your head hit the soft blankets, his lips never leaving yours. He swiped his tongue across your bottom lip making you moan softly.

Cautiously you tangled your hand into his brown hair loving how soft it felt intertwined with your fingers. He responded by trailing soft kisses down your jaw and neck lingering on your collarbone before nipping at the skin.

You moaned at the sensation feeling himself lift his body off of your and begin to strip off your nightgown. “Overhau-” you went to say before he cut you off. “it’s Kai” he stated sitting you up so he was able to pull the gown over your head. “Kai” you repeated back.

He almost shivered at how beautiful his name sounded when leaving your lips. It almost made him want to bring it back so he could hear you say it all the time. You made it sound so clean. “Yes that’s my first name. Please use it wisely.” he warned. Whether it be the medicine he had given you or the rush you got from his skin against yours. but you found yourself giggling cutely at him. “Kai” you repeated. “I like it”

He leaned over and kissed you tenderly on the forehead before standing up and removing his clothes. Neatly folding each article of clothing and setting it on your dresser.

You stared in awe at his exposed chest, the skin had always been hidden away from you. A gentle smile spread across your face and you motioned for him to come back. With a shaky breathe he did so. Crawling back onto the bed he separated your thighs with each one of his knees positioning himself between them. You could already feel the wetness of your core and looking down at Kai you saw he was plenty ready as well. He shot you a cautious glance as he lined himself up with your entrance. Seeing his hesitance you nodded and smiled lightly seeming to give him the confidence he needed.

Pressing a chaste kiss on your forehead he pushed himself inside of you shivering at the sensation. “Kai” you moaned feeling him pump himself steadily in and out of you his eyes never once leaving your face. He was so beautiful. You felt your cheeks flush under his charming gaze small moans leaving your mouth.

Silently he worshiped the little sounds you made, revering the way you moaned his name quickening his pace so he could hear more.

The two of you continued on well into the night until he met his release and collapsed on top of you breathing heavily. You ran your fingers through his hair appreciating the small moment between the two of you. “I adore you” he said lowly, relaxing under the feeling of your fingertips massaging his scalp.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #overhaul #chisaki kai #my hero acadamy #mha #boku no hero academia #bnha

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fightingorcavingintodepression · 5 years

Text

1/16/17 5:17 pm

I had my first panic attack I've had in a long time. I've gotten so bad at work my manager called me at 10AM and left a voicemail. I called him back and said I had a Doctors appointment and forgot to send out an email to the team. I hate lying, but i can’t realistically say I'm suicidal and won't even get out of bed every morning.

I ran to the bathroom and started dry-heaving for a good 2-3 minutes. Then I laid down on my bed and felt like crying, and then Stayed there for nearly another hour.

Kill me.

1/20/17

I'm eating lunch by myself at 3:06 on Friday. I've only hit myself a few times today. I ordered and shipped a present to Shara and it should get there tomorI'mrow, but today is her birthday. I deleted my Facebook and haven't been posting on tumblr, so I'm avoiding everything. I feel guilty and don't know what to do. I'm going to stop typing because I'm tearing up in the restaurant. I'm pushing all of my friends away. I saw Selina last weekend and it was so awkward. I can't even hang out with my best friend without it being awkward. I want to kill myself.

Please let me die in an accident.

10:56 pm I want to keep hitting myself until I don't wake up.

1/25/17 Wednesday 11:39pm

I'm at McDonald's getting a milkshake and food. I've "worked" from home the past three days because I don't wake up till 9 or 10. That's a lie, I'll wake up and hit snooze, but won't force myself into up. On Monday I stayed online till 11:30 and then said o had a doctors appointment and was gong to wfh the rest of the day, but the last two days I haven't even sent anything out. I deserve to get fired. My depression is destroying me.

1/26/17 Thursday 2:30pm

I woke up late at 8:50ish and got online. Did the scheduled work for Austin and once that was finished, drove into the office and got in at about 10:30 (I think). I ate lunch at my desk and I've gone back and forth to the bathroom and just sat. Only work I've done today is finally send an email I've needed to for weeks. Mom asked me to call her at lunch and I finally said I didn't really want to celebrate my birthday. I told her I'd decide on a weekend and give her a call tonight, but I'm not sure I can. It's now 2:48. I've been in the bathroom almost 20 minutes.

2/16 4:29pm

I woke up at 3:30 am and stayed awake, but then fell asleep and didn't get online from home until about 9:40. Came into the office about 12:40. I've done maybe an hours worth of work. I really hate myself. When driving into work nearly had an accident from someone driving recklessly and me not just letting them pass me. They cut to my right into a lane for cars getting on and drove on the side of the road to pass me since I didn't slow down. The driver even had people (possibly kids) in the back of their car. I hate myself, but that person as well if they can justify that type of driving that also may harm their own kids, let alone other people. I started yelling again in my car...it's getting worse.

I hit myself again this morning in the shower.

2/17 12:18am

I can see myself committing suicide within the next year. Depending if I don't get better, maybe not till after my parents pass.

2/20 12:33pm

I didn't get up again today (Monday) until 9:50 and log online. Then finally came in to the office about 10 minutes ago. Off to a bad start of the week. I should be fired. I did "clean" a good portion of my apartment yesterday because at&t suppose to be coming this week. It's still a terrible mess, but you can finally see the floor now. Next is the kitchen.

1:04pm - eating lunch by myself at wich which. Postponing going back to the office. Not sure if taking these notes is beneficial, or even a smart idea (hint, it's not)

2/21 12:31pm

Late again. Thinking of working from home tomorrow. Getting worse. Really worse. Spent too much money yesterday on gifts I'll probably never give.

2/24 11:52am

It's my birthday. Today hasn't been a bad day.

2/28 12:15 pm

In training. Feeling useless. My back is also killing me. Have my APA later today. Guess I'll find out how badly I'm doing or if we'll just pretend I'm doing fine when it's obvious I'm not. Not likely I'll get fired since I'm an ITA, but don't know. Just haven't been given a warning or anything

3/13 12:48pm

I'd been doing okay for a little while. Starting to get worse again. Started saying things again. Didn't wake up for work till 9ish. Didn't get in till 11ish. Need to stop. Want to hurt myself. Want to kill myself. Fighting it. Still doing bad. In the bathroom wanting to hit myself. Shara texted about doing stuff this weekend, and I almost want to back out. I'm suppose to do Aerials with gabby tonight, but want to use my weight as an excuse and say I'm over their limit (which may actually be true, but their website doesn't say and no one picked up when I called), or that I don't have the right clothes, or I'm having a panic attack (probably closest to being honest). And one of the other things that's bugging me in the back of my head today I'm hating myself most of all for it even bothering me.

3/20 4:39am

Mild depression acting up. Want to "call/email" out of work. Smacking myself a bit the past day

3/22 6:14pm

Didn't go into work today and haven't done any work so far. Needing to get a report and presentation done before tomorrow. Depression has been really bad this week. Sleep is getting off. Whispering harmful things to myself and hitting myself more often.

3/24 10:44am

I want to hurt myself. I'm doing really badly this week. No point even coming into work. Can tell I'm being replaced in all areas. Went to lunch with people. Faked it. Now I'm back at the office (2:04pm) and hiding in the bathroom. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I want to pass out.

I want to die.

3/25 5:02pm

Doing bad today too. Didn't get up till noon. Went to the park to walk, but had negative thoughts the entire time and it didn't help. Convinced myself to go out to dinner at Las Margaritas that I normally get take out from. I plan to make myself sit in the living room when I get home to get out of my bedroom/bed. It feels pathetic, but right now the smallest things feel like an achievement.

3/27 1:41am

I want to kill myself. I just want it to end. I don't want to hurt my family though. I wish I could make them forget i existed so I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

3:06am still lying awake on the couch. The longer I stay awake, the longer I postpone till tomorrow comes.....or that's how it feels. Ready to kill myself.

3/30 8pm

I now weigh 245 pounds. I write this as I sit in line at chick fil-a getting a meal for two people and a milkshake

3/31 6:38

Deleted all of my social media. Specifically tumblr, which I can't reactive. Gone forever.

4/6 1:12pm

Was doing better for a bit because work was busy enough to distract me. Getting too busy now. Think I overheard two people saying they don't want to work with me, and storage team disregards my existence. It's a new feeling when I feel like I'm doing some good work, but know I'm also doing terrible in other areas and people no longer want to work with me. Hitting hard and really want to hurt myself again. I need to make some life choices before I end up committing suicide.

4/7 1:36pm

It might be good to just quit before June. If I sold everything I had, I could pay off all my debt. I'd be left with nothing, but wouldn't leave anything for people to worry about.

4/17 10:21am

So overwhelmed.

4/19 9:08am

Sitting on toilet at home. So overwhelmed at work. Can't get anything done and nothing is going right.

6/1 11:02am Thursday

Hadn't been in the office in almost a week. Had Friday off and Monday for Memorial Day, but lied and said Tom had knee surgery on Tuesday and then wfh on Wednesday. Getting bad again. Realized I hadn't been writing in here for a month and a half. Not sure if that's a good win or not, since I mostly only remember to when I'm getting bad again.

6/25 2:15am

Depression getting bad again. Suicide would be nice. Just want it all to end. If I could sleep for a year, I'd take it.

6/27 12:40pm

Didn't go into work until almost 11 yesterday. Working from home today. Can't even answer a phone call. Have a meeting at 2 and then will probably shower as unavailable the rest of the day.

6/28 3:06pm

Woke up at 5 and still didn't go into work today. Stayed showing as away all day and said I had issues with Skype and car issues

7/14 12:50pm

JB texted me asking if I was off. I should just kill myself. Lying through my teeth. His pa

7/18 3:28am Tuesday

I want to die in an accident so no one I care about thinks it was a suicide.

7/20 1:59pm

Didn't go into work until 12 today. While I was in the shower, my phone range and I just started cursing thinking it was my manager. Already had my lie made up going to say my car stalled this morning coming into work. Didn't have my phone (which is why I didn't pick up if it was them), but luckily a cop pulled over and called a tow truck....

Haven't had to use my lie yet, but going to use parts of it tonight to get out of going to a coworkers house for game night.

I really hate myself.

I need to call in my medicine to see if they'll prescribe it again, even if it doesn't seem like it's helping.

7/31 9:04pm

In line at Taco Bell. Didn't go into work today or Friday. Meant to send an email saying I was taking my mom to doctors and would be back Tuesday, but overslept and didn't bother. Don't want to go in tomorrow either. I haven't been replying to Shara and I feel terrible, but I'm not in a good place either. Hadn't been replying to family until Mom called worried and acted like I just forgot to hit send on some texts. It's easier to act like nothing is wrong with people who don't know I'm not good mentally. I saw a post on Tumblr that describe what I'm feeling. I'm pushing people away so it's easier when I want to kill myself.

9/5 11:42am

Moved to new apartment. Enjoying it so far. Had a 5 day weekend from labor/took Thursday and Friday off to move. 1st day back at work and already feeling overwhelmed and counting down till 4:30. Kill myself creeping inside my head again.

9/21 10:02am

Want to die. Want to die. I just really want to die. Kill myself. Kill myself. I'm so tempted to kill myself. I'd make it look like an accident so not to hurt my family. But I need to find homes for Yen and Shani, or plan accordingly. Could drop them at a shelter, but include some cash to help care for them (1k?). Then someone who is a good person, but just had money trouble would take them. I'm not sure I'll live 15+ years to outlive them. I take that back; I know I won't. I don't even know sometimes if I'll make it to tomorrow. I'm not actually making any attempts or plans to do it, but every time I walk in to work or leave, I hope a car hits me. Kill me kill me I just want to die.

10/18 9:52am

Overslept and didn't go into work today. "Working" from home online. Depression episode kicking in again. I just want to die.

10/31 Tuesday 12:02pm

Didn't get into work until 11 today. Called into the 8:30 conference and answered some emails to appear like I was working, but hardly got out of bed. ~Read back through some of these notes just now and now I've got in the back of my head the idea of starting to hit myself again. I know this is a downward slope, but really want to go to the bathroom stall and do it anyways just so I don't feel numb. It's lunchtime, so no one should be there to hear it. ~~I ended up going to get rubber bands and paper clips instead. Still hit myself s few times, but people kept coming into the restroom while I was in the stall.~

11/1 2:16 pm

In drivethru for chick-fil-a. Working from home rest of week probably. My anger is terrible. Called someone a cunt in the drivethru for honking and it wasn't even at me. My window was down, so think the person in front of me may have heard. I'm a terrible person and hate myself.

11/16 9:14am Thursday

Just got into work. Feel exhausted and drained as always. Just noticed it’s coming up on a year in January when I started making these notes. I honestly don’t know if I’m doing better or not. I’d say I’m not. Definitely not.

12/5/17 2:36pm

It’s a Tuesday, and I’d not been in the office for two weeks (11/21) between workin from home on Wednesday because thanksgiving was the next day, off Thursday and Friday, and then all last week I just never came in. Yesterday I “worked” from home, and today I didn’t get in till about 12. And the only thing I wanted to think about while walking into work because I forgot my headphones and couldn’t drown out the thoughts with music was how I wanted to kill myself. I have a meeting from 3-4 with new agile team (honestly probably only real reason I forced myself into the office). I wonder how fake I can present myself today. Hopefully it won’t be terribly interactive and mostly just informational.

1/14/18 11:27pm

I didn’t go into work at all last week. Was online only Monday for the entire day, and then Wednesday for the day on do-not-disturb. Skipped Tuesday and Wednesday completely though. Need to force myself to go into the office tomorrow. I hate myself. So much to catch up on. I cleaned a bit of the apartment, but still need to do more. My oncall starts next week, and I pray it’s quiet.

1/22/18 3:10am

Won’t go to bed because then the morning comes faster. I’m oncall this week and I just pray nothing happens at all. Even one ticket. Please don’t. I think I have an appointment this Friday about my antidepressants, but honestly I’m not sure. Please let me be left alone this week and work from home. I’ll even make sure I get work done.

1/23/18 12:30am

I’m pathetic at work.

2/4/18 6:43pm Sunday

Out grocery shopping. Tried to do small talk. Wanted to help bag like I do sometimes, but not doing well, so just awkwardly typing this on my phone. I HAVE to get work done when I get home, but haven’t been doing well. I’ll be lucky if I get anything done or I do it in the middle of the night (especially with my sleep schedule).

2/5/18 11:52am

Didn’t get anything done last night, but was able to wake up early and get it submitted by 8 (only one other person has anything uploaded so far). What pisses me off is another teammate setup a meeting at 2 with no heads up. That little amount of time and a same day meeting? Fuck that shit. I’ll attend, but doubt John will and don’t blame him. I said I was going to the doctor earlier, so purposely missed the one actual meeting I had today. Couldn’t get out of bed. Hate myself. Submitted a service request for the lights to be fixed in my apartment, so that’s the one useful thing I’ve done. I was wrong, John did accept. I hate myself.

5/7/18 Monday 8:59am

On the train in to work. Only going in for the ITA orientation and then probably leaving. Probably will stay an hour to get hibachi for lunch and then leave. I’m oncall this week. Please please please don’t have any tickets or sde’s after hours. Please god. Just this once. I’ve been doing so well with my depression, but the last week and a half it’s been dipping again and I’m afraid. On the chart at my therapy office, id finally for the first time dipped below the number for being depressed! I know I’ll always have depression and depression slumps, but it’s scary going back into my first one after doing well for almost two months. I don’t want to go back into that. I really don’t. Please just don’t have my oncall this week go badly. Dear god, just please don’t. I don’t want to breakdown in tears from anxiety this week. Make my next oncall worse, but just let me not have to worry about anything this week. Please.

5/7/18 Monday 11:21am

Doing better mentally once I got in the office and moving. It’s sad how easily that change can happen. You’d think I’d be happy, but just makes me realize how easily I can drop again. Part of me knows I could stay at the office and continue working, but the other half doesn’t care. I’m eating hibachi and then taking the train home.

5/10/18 1:02pm

Finishing up lunch at hisaki and then going into office. Have to recount all of the WebLogic VM counts manually.....

All the work before I did is basically useless.

Time to go through 400+ (maybe less since a good number are in the shared environment) and find out their host count. I shouldn’t really be complaining. Just didn’t want to have to do/worry about anything till after my vacation.

Now it’s 1:32 and I’m sitting in the toilet just waiting for the day to end. Shoot myself shoot my self I just want to shoot my self.

5/23 5:12pm

Felt sick the past few days. Worked from home. Throat is killing me, but in line at McDonald’s and going to get

5/25 Friday 11:27am

Hardly worked at all this week. Ignored a voicemail to call back my PO. Work is frustrating me.

I just hit myself for the first time in a long time again. Chest, face, head. It felt good

5:57pm clenching my fists in drive through. Want to hurt myself

5/28 Monday 2:04pm Memorial Day off work

At the bbq place getting Togo food. Been in bed all day/all weekend really. Felt sick, but also depressed. Stomach was so upset, didn’t take antidepressants yesterday. Going to take them for today when I get back. Still, I’ve not been doing well at all. Hitting myself more. Mainly the chest. May even do it on the way home. Just feeling numb again. Started reblogging suicidal/depression posts on tumblr again. It’s pathetic. Like a cry for help to the two I know who are on tumblr, but one never acknowledges them, and the other rarely gets on anymore. I have therapy this Friday (o think?) and have no improvement to speak of to the doctor. Overslept one from depression, but rescheduled the last one due to work issues. Slit my throat. Want to die. Let it end. Started singing those little tunes to myself the last week or two. Want to hurt myself. Really just want to drop dead from an accident. Get someone to take care of my cats, and then my family won’t think it’s a suicide.

6/12 10:59am Tuesday

Sitting at train station going into work. Just got back from surgery follow up and everything is fine. Spent maybe 10 minutes there in total. Now I’m going into work to eat my unhealthy lunch hibachi chicken and soda as always. I’m sad all the team. I have an in person meeting from 2-2:50, but will probably leave after that. Unless I ask Carter if he needed help with patching and he says yes, which is why I’m considering if I even should?? Wow, that’s pathetic of me. I only have to make it till EOD Thursday. Then I’ll watch Lily for the weekend, have my therapy session on Friday, and (maybe?) visit Mom and Tom on Sunday.

6/24 Monday 10:46am

I may barely make it into the office for an 11am meeting. This isn’t going to be a good week.

7/3 Tuesday 6:11pm

I missed my medicine twice in the last week (I think? Or only once). But just don’t care to take it anymore since I’ve noticed

7/9 Monday 12:15am

This isn’t gonna be a good week. I can already tell.

7/22 Sunday 1am

Doing patching. Teammates were being fucking useless, so I got offline and said I was having internet issues. It’s been a fucking hour and they’ve not done shit. The job is still hung exactly where it was when I left off. They’ve not tried to do anything at all. There are two more groups that have to run for Linux, and we’re already 2/3 hours of patching there is from 11-2am. Cancel the ticking job you dipshits. I even sent an email basically telling you to!!! I did all the ducking work for you!!! Instead you just sit there for an hour doing nothing!!! Cancel the fucking job!! If it gets to 1:30am and still nothing, I’m sending a follow up email and ccing myself. I’m not even suppose to be in charge here!! They are!!! At least Brandon should be. Daniel is ridiculously new, but clearly knows more, so make the ticking call too, for fuck sake.

- they finally did when I was typing this all out. And of course it was the new kid, not the guy who is a full time employee who should be making the call. Then again, I’m a waste of space too. Just got fed up with them and quit with a bullshit excuse. I’m trash. Now that I’ve calmed down, I hate myself again.

Thursday 7/26 2:54pm

First time I’ve been in the office I think nearing 3 weeks? I’ve not been taking my antidepressants as consistently. So tired all the time. Hardly get out of bed. Didn’t go to therapy last week. I need to call tomorrow to cancel next weeks too unless it’s early in the morning. And also schedule more since I don’t have any after that. And also reschedule one on a different day for my medicine.

Just got off my 3pm call. PO wasn’t there, so I basically lead. Talked for like 5 fucking minutes before my team lead said they’ve been doing it manually the last 4 days. So basically I’m a fucking idiot and out of the loop. I’m definitely not Sr IT analyst ready. I’m just gonna leave work. I hate myself. Put myself on do not disturb and closed my laptop. Ran and caught the train. I’m so ducking fat and out of shape. I should just go skydiving by myself and not pull the parachute. Quick and easy. Could I do it in a body bag so it’s less of a mess for the people who have to clean it up? Sky dive, pull the bag out midair. Put it on and zip it up. Splat. Done. Kaput. 😊

How many weeks vacation do I have? Just use it all at once and disappear. Then when it’s up I just never come back. I wanna jump in front of a car or train, but not okay with the impact it’d have on the person driving. If I jump off mountain, the only person it might hurt is the people who found me? Plus annoy the people who have to clean me up.

Could have a suicide note and send it in so the police can find me easily? Idk. Can’t do anything till my cats are okay.

8/14/18 Tuesday 10:19am

On the train to work. Only going in to have an in person meeting. Didn’t wake up till 9:20 and only jumped up because of the daily Standup call at 9:30. Have patching this week and next. Alex is out the rest of the week, so I’m in charge of Windows....never done it by myself, yet alone enough with someone else to be confident. Need to send out the email as soon as we get Tom’s email tomorrow. Get the jobs running and finish documentation. I think Wednesday only has noreboot servers and is a small window? Hopefully okay.

I’ve not been taking my medication. Haven’t been to the doctors in really long (therapy/antidepressant doctor). I have roughly 35 days to get in better shape/health/mental state before going to Samantha’s to see Welcome to Nightvale. Will it happen? No idea.

Still on the train. 10:27. I feel so num. no emotion at all.

5:49pm - on the train home from work. Got a lot done today, so feel somewhat decent. If I can bury my head in work and actually get stuff done, I won’t notice my depression sometimes.

9/5 Wednesday 10:51 am

Have a big kickoff meeting I’m leading. Has a shit ton of people in it. Don’t feel confident. Stomach is nauseated. Want to hurt myself too. Get it over with. Cut my throat. Let me die. Die die die die.

9/20 Thursday 11:05am

Have barely worked the last week since the hurricane hit and we’re in storm mode. Had my first “shift” start at 6 this morning, and I was the only one in the room. Was a good thing I came in to the office. Actually got some stuff done. Just really tired since I couldn’t get to sleep till 2:30 or 3, and got up at 4:22. Going home right at 2. Today hasn’t been bad, but I’m exhausted and sad at myself for being so fat and out of shape.

Animal crossing

Love Nicky

Clash royal

Good fantasy

9/26 11:53am

On train into work. Have two in-person meetings this afternoon. I regret volunteering to do the ITA stuff. Just added stress with no good outcome. My stomach hurts too. Don’t know if something actually wrong, or just anxiety of everything with work, deciding to go to the BigFix event tomorrow during work hours, and text Samantha lying I can’t come to the show. Too many lies happening at once due to my anxiety. I guess I do have anxiety. My depression making my life difficult makes me have anxiety. God my stomach hurts. Kill me kill me I want to die. Slit my throat just want to die. Just disappear I just want to disappear. First steps I need to take today to help fix my anxiety

1. Call and reschedule therapy as soon as I get off train DONE

2. Talk to Cathy and then John about change freeze issue with Websphere maintenance. Then get communications out. SENT AN EMAIL

3. Prep documentation for ITA meeting at 3. WORKING ON

4. Plan what time to leave tomorrow

5. Text Samantha for details (address, what time I should get there, etc)

6. Plan to drive home after show

Die die die die die die di die die die die die kill me

10/3 Wednesday 2:51pm

I’ve not been into work since last Wednesday, and hardly online all this week. Finally got a text from manager this morning asking what’s up. Ready to kill my self.

10/4 Thursday 1:24pm

On the train into work for a 2pm meeting I’m hosting. I may barely make it in. Barely. Or I’ll be late. Shocker. I’m useless. I look and feel disgusting. Literally just need to know if Cathy will fight if we have to push the qa and prod environment during a change freeze. If not, what will happen if we have pushed test and dev, but can’t push prod/qa for months?? I highly doubt that’s okay.

11/1/2018 Thursday 1:12pm

Waiting for the train. Overslept for therapy and then an important meeting I said I’d be late for, but not miss the entire fucking thing. I’ve pretty much given up on therapy for now. Doesn’t make a difference, and won’t get another appointment for 2-3 months, if they’d even give me one with how many no-shows I’ve done. My stomach acid is killing me.

Have meeting. Schedule jobs for 5. Go eat hibachi. Take train home. Meeting is at 2. Doubt chuck will be there. Cathy may call in or not. Literally just depends if John/srini at there. If not, will be over in 10 minutes. If they are, just keep chugging along with Websphere (need to plan how to do QA and PROD along side OS patching.

Wednesday - do it right after patching for Linux/aix. Try and include windows in the patching, or same scenario.

Do we think it’s worth doing adc/cdc groups still? Or just all at once?

Thursday - Linux/aix I do manually (hit B & C right at 5, and then A when it finishes)

11/29 Thursday 9:25am

Going into the office. I’m just really sad. I’m up to 283lbs without any clothes on. I’m working nights now with patching at work. I’m rude to the point that I don’t even move my bag on the train. It’s just all really sad. It’s not bad enough I’m hurting myself or suicidal thoughts, but I’ve just been emotionally numb. I quit taking my medicine for about a week or two, but then noticed an increase in anger, so started taking them again.

12/18 Tuesday 3:39pm

Sitting at a jimmy johns nears my apartment eating. On vacation from work, and watching Lily till Thursday, but I’ve had to be online some because patching still isn’t being covered by the EDC, even though Matt apparently was handling it but clearly didn’t? I’ll be up anyways, so I’m not mad mad, but more just annoyed, because I’m not doing this come January. Pretty depressed though. Sleeping all the time. I weigh over 285lbs now. Maybe I’ll die from a heart attack in 2019? I’ve not been taking my medicine lately, but I’ll run out soon anyways unless I schedule an appointment with my doctor. Definitely see my anger spiking some when I’m not on it while driving or the sorts. Last Friday I went into work and ran into my manager(s) which was good. Talked some, and mentioned about the possibility of moving to Durham. Would be okay, but did mention Charlotte is better career wise, which is true (but I’m okay with that?). I’m just sad all the time still. Apartment is a mess almost always, which isn’t good for the cats. I hardly ever clean their litter boxes, and it’s disgusting for them. Which reminds me I have to take them to the vet. I should call when I get back to schedule something and also clean their litter boxes before anything else.

2/18 10:02am

On my way into work to train one guy on patching, even though I’ll probably be the one having to do it the rest of the week. Was in an accident yesterday. Car hit me from behind. Surprisingly still shaken from it. I’m pathetic. Have to call insurance today since they said they were closed yesterday. Hopefully it’s just visual damage. The bumper popped off a bit, but I don’t know if it can just be popped back into place. I know nothing about cars. Other persons was much worse, but no one was hurt at least. I wish I was hurt. Just kill me. Be done with it all.

Work is never ending stress, this fucking house is too. AND I JUST REMEMBERED IM ON-CALL ALL THIS WEEK FFS. Please let it be quiet. I’m begging you. With all the SDE’s and ongoing stuff, don’t let there be anything for me. Slit my throat.

2/20 Wednesday 2:04pm

Sitting at a car body repair shop getting an estimate by Statefarm. Hopefully should be fine. Work is stressing me out. House is too. I’m responsible for getting the WebLogic patching done, but it’s all up to Srini looking at the problem servers. It’s not fair to him as I’m sure he’s swamped, but he’s the only one who can fix it. Also that one guy who sent that needs to go fuck himself. Passive aggressive fuck. Then with the house. They finally responded saying they want their roofer to take a look, which is fine. Just don’t come back and argue you’re not doing anything. I’m so done with that shit. Just offer to pay half and be done with it. Then my mental health is just terrible. Want to hurt myself. When I get home may take a butter knife or something and hurt myself. Cut my throat. Not even going into the office tomorrow even though I said I would. Fuck Friday. Please be a quiet oncall week. I’m beginning you, just like I do ever time I’m oncall. It’s pathetic. Wish I had cancer instead of Tom. Let me die instead of him. Mom needs him. Just let me die.

It’s Wednesday. Need to make it through the weekend. “Work day” just tomorrow. Have other work to do, but I’m not as worried about the after hour work for IE9 IE11 and office 2010 SP2. Slit my throat slit my throat

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wafflesetc · 6 years

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Closing Time - Chapter 8 (AO3)

Claire Beauchamp is a second year medical student. Due to many late nights with her clinicals, and studying for her pharmacology class, she’s at wits end. One Friday night she decides not to join Joe Abernathy and her other friends out at Church, their local hangout spot, but instead winds up in a dive bar close to her flat with a very nice whisky selection. In fact, one of the best one she’s ever seen. When the bartender calls her ‘Sassenach’ and pours her a double, Claire gets a feeling in her chest she’s never felt before.

I woke on Monday feeling like a new person. All my problems and turmoil that Frank had caused over the past few months seemed to have been peeled away by the random appearance Jamie had made in my life.

As I entered the hospital, I felt the buzz of my phone in my jacket. I smiled as I read ‘Jamie’ on the screen.

‘I ken ye are gonna be a busy lass all week, but just know I am very excited to see ye Thursday. I have a few meetings late tonight so dinna feel the need to reply… Just ken ye will be on my mind. Counting down the minutes to Thursday, Sassenach. XX’

Geillis caught me walking in, and smiled at me giving me a look that said ‘I know what you did this weekend.’ I could feel my cheeks turning bright red hoping this week went by faster than the speed of sound.

By Thursday, I had spoken to Jamie twice on the phone for no longer than a brief 3 minutes each call before my exhaustion had set in and I had fallen asleep on my end of the line.

My feet ached, I could see the bags under my eyes, and I hadn’t washed my hair in three days. I was making rounds on the peds floor and by noon had been vomited on three times. I had eaten half my lunch before one of my patients had coded and by the time I got back to my leftovers, they were cold, my patient had been declared dead and I had to run to my exam.

I walked out my exam, feeling like I had done well but beyond ready to go home. I wrapped my jacket around my waist, pulling my hair out of its bun and slipping a beanie on. It was only the late afternoon, but Scotland was said to be getting more snow and the chilly air was making its way into the city.

I glanced down at my phone, 4:45 — I had just enough time to make it home, hopefully take a shower and wait for Jamie to show up with some kind of take out food.

I fast walked the few blocks to my flat and tossed my bag and belongings in the entry way. I quickly glanced down at my phone and had my mood instantly lifted when I saw a text from Jamie.

‘Finishing a meeting with a gin distributor, then headed to get Chinese and will be at your place in about an hour. Stay away for me, Sassenach.’

I smiled as I typed my response.

‘Just got home, going to take a quick shower and start some laundry. It’s supposed to start snowing soon, drive safe.’

I watched the three little bubbles appear rather quickly and his response zoomed in.

‘As ye say, see you soon.’

I plugged my phone into the charger and made my way to the shower.

I took a thorough shower: washed my hair, shaved my legs, and spent ten minutes just soaking up the warmth as the stressful week was figuratively washed off my body.

As I got out of the shower, I put on my oldest and most favorite pair of pajamas. They had a hole on the front from where the pocket was starting to come undone and the grey pants that matched were faded more than I cared to admit.

I shuddered at the memory of the last time I had worn these- Frank had planned on staying the night and surprising me. I had come home from class, thrown them on, and he had threatened to sleep on the couch if I actually wore them to sleep.

‘No lady should sleep in material… like that.’ He had angrily stammered at me as he pointed to my over worked and tired form. I had been angry but craving some kind of intimacy, so I had obliged and done as he wished.

Now, I didn’t care anymore and proudly put them on. While I knew Jamie was attracted to me, which was a given, I knew he would never say such a thing or comment on my choice of pajamas to me. For really, what did it matter what I wore to sleep?

“Just another reason the two of you are so vastly different.” I said to nobody but myself as I wrapped a robe around my body.

I meandered to the kitchen, glancing at the clock and figured I had another fifteen minutes or so until Jamie was showing up with our food.

I opened a beer and plopped myself down on the couch, settling to watch the local news.

I woke up on the couch startled and looked down at my watch, 1:05AM. I must have fallen asleep without knowing. I reached and turned the side lamp on and looked around the living room. There was no take out food, no big Scot sleeping next to me, everything was how it had once been. Jamie hadn’t shown.

I felt a ball in my stomach turn, while I didn’t know him all that well — I knew in my gut that James Fraser was not the sort of guy for standing me up or any girl up. This was not his style at all.

I unlocked my phone and was bombarded with texts.

Geillis “Claire, call me back!” and three phone calls from her.

Mary had texted me “Let me know if you need anything.”

I felt a lump in my throat as I noticed all the notices from Joe —

10 missed phone calls from Joe. 17 texts from him.

The knot in my stomach turned into knives as I read the last text Joe had sent me.

“Lady Jane, I know it’s late. Jamie had an accident. I was on trauma tonight with the attendings. Right now he is stable, but he is in critical condition. Gail’s going to pick you up and bring you here. I will give you all the details when I see you. Bring a change of clothes, I have your shifts covered for the weekend.”

And it was in that moment, my entire world was turned upside down.

#Outlander #Jamie x Claire #Closing Time #Closing Time AU #Jamie Fraser #Claire Fraser #Outlander AU #I'm just going to leave this here and then go into a corner because you all are going to get made at me

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werezmastarbucks · 6 years

Text

Soothsayer [5]

[1]

[2]

[3]

[4]

Word count: 1850

Warnings: language, messing with Bucky’s head. Bucky’s pov

Genre / Pairing: Bucky x Reader. kisses! back home.

ZACK HEMSEY - I CAN GET IT BACK

Bucky Barnes was having the strangest dream. He was back in Brooklyn, him and his heavy body, immovable and very stealthy at the same time: ambiguous, like everything else he felt nowadays. His chin was itching, and he scratched it with his left hand, feeling metal fingers soothing the skin. He brushed away the hair from his face and took a deep breath. He was still wearing his navy blue vest and the belt around his torso, which he quickly took off, the buttons clicking. It smelt like jasmine, dust and water; the Brooklyn Bridge was not far away. The house was still pale white, and the sun was standing high, giving the blind spots, hiding the details from his eyes. He felt old. He felt usual. There was dirt on his right palm, and he tried to scrub it off, puzzled to the edge of possibility.

Aren’t I stupid. Getting really really old. Go figure it out, Barnes, said the voice inside his head.

A minute ago he was standing next to Steve, and all his body felt light like a feather, but weird. For a mere second there he got chills because he thought he was falling apart. He’s fallen apart million times before, but this one it was literal. The feet gave way, and then his arm crumbled, and then he suddenly couldn’t stand, collapsing on the ground. The last thing he saw, Y/N, blowing up the clouds of the old leaves with her feet, and how small she looked next to Steve. Why such faces? What happened?

Bucky looked up and put a palm to his forehead, looking at the windows of his house. That’s right, it’s home. There, Rebecca’s room window, with the pale blue curtains they nearly killed each other over at the market last season. So expensive. He couldn’t remember that earlier, but now it was pretty clear. In fact, everything was clear, so right and simple, and he couldn’t understand why it’s been such a big issue to come to terms with his memory.

The window opened, and Rebecca’s head appeared in between the sills.

“Hey, dirty head!”

Her long black hair was like a fox tail, glistening in the sun.

“How many times’ve I told ya not to shove yourself outta window like that!” Bucky barked and paused, startled. He got back his young voice. He hasn’t spoken in that tone for many, many years.

Rebecca yelled something back. He didn’t listen. He looked at her once again, not afraid she’d disappear, not nervous, or confused. He found the situation amusing.

“I’m comin’ up, open the door”, he shouted. Becca grimaced at him, and vanished inside the room.

He entered the house.

The blackness wouldn’t go away. He walked, and walked, and walked, and his footsteps only echoed harder. Finally, a pale blue light shone somewhere far in front, and he swore in disappointment. Couldn’t you give me five minutes with my sister? He had no idea to whom he was speaking. Howbeit, no one answered. He walked on, and his face started freezing. He became soft back there in Wakanda. It was a magical place. Good climate, nice, tactful people, the amazing nature, calm nights. He mended goats, for god’s sake. He drank water from the current, and ate fruit that he gathered himself, climbing up the trees like a big monkey. He watched sunrises like it was a TV show. But better. Much better. He seemed to have forgotten a little bit what it’s like when the freezing wind thrusts its icy fangs in skin. And slaps. And slaps. Trying to pendulum him the fuck off the cliff.

He reached out for the gun, but realized he literally just threw it away in Brooklyn. Since he decided to accept everything as it comes, he just went on, averting his face from the wind. Soon his feet were producing no more sound because he was ankles deep in snow. The huge maw of a cave opened agape, letting him out, and he could figure out the station down below in the snowy valley. A tingling feeling of alarm woke up his senses, and he made out, in the wind, the voices. As if somebody licked on his neck under the left ear, he turned exactly when a bullet whistled past him and danged on a rocky wall. He bent. A man was walking towards him, tall and broad-shouldered, and Bucky grouped, ready for the blow. But then, another voice came,

“Stop, wait!”

Bucky raised his head like a squirrel. Steve came out of the whirlwind of the snow, and attacked him with a bear hug.

“Steve?” he heard himself mumble.

Steve was wearing that light blue uniform he had back in forties. His face was alight, innocent and infinitely stupid-looking in this helmet with feathers on the sides.

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” Bucky cried, trying to outhowl the wind. Steve moved closer to him, frowning.

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you dressed like this? Why are you at my station?”

Dum Dum stepped from behind his back, and Bucky greeted him with the wave of the hand.

“Hey, Sarge. Sorry for shooting at you. I thought you were one of these Nazi folks”.

Bucky could see his own breath leaving his lips and dispersing violently in the air right after. So, none of them was confused to see him here, the way he looked? Guess, we’re good with that as well?

Steve was smiling at him, his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“I know, it’s darn confusing here”, he nodded with understanding. “But you’ll cope. I think they’re coming for you. Just don’t get on the pan”.

“Where – here?”

The wind was going mad. Bucky could feel it push him in the back. He realized Steve was standing dangerously close to the edge of the cliff.

Steve lifted his hand and touched his temple with the index finger.

“It’s quite a mash-up. Don’t get on the pan, pal. Don’t let them fry you, or there’ll be nothing to recover”.

The Commandos passed them by ceremonially, swaying in the wind like a set of train cars.

“Can I come with you?”

Steve shook his head negatively.

“Nah, Bucky. Not today”.

He was left there, watching his friend slowly vanishing in the white. Barnes could feel his face go hard like ice, and didn’t care. He suddenly felt so heart-broken, and the feeling stroke him so deep he gasped in surprise. The pain, so clear, like the main note of a symphony, moaning high and sharp, tensing his whole body. The heartbreak. He felt so alive he wanted to scream, yell until the snow plugs his throat and suffocates him, and if there had been some fun to standing below the windows of his house in Brooklyn, this strange sensation perished as quickly as it came.

Bucky opened his mouth and growled, with all his wolf might, wishing he could wake up.

He screamed.

And wake up he did.

The sun was stinging his eyes, and he slapped his stupid face, giggling to himself for no reason at all. He was warm, and naked, and the air from the open window brought the scent of summer in New York. He could smell concrete, grass, and flowers. He could smell his own skin, warmed up by the intense sunshine – it must be past noon already. He got fried after all, despite Steve’s warning.

He could smell something else – very familiar. Sweet fragrance that always hit his nose when the long-haired Y/N was close. He took away his hand and opened his eyes, lifting himself on his left elbow. Happiness flooded his mind when he saw her hair spread and caught underneath his metal arm.

She yelped in pain.

“I’m sorry”, he laughed, “I’m sorry”.

She opened her face like she’s just been created a second ago, even after her hair has been laid out in the bed.

He reached out to her with his good hand, grabbing her skin and found he’s clutching on her ribs.

“Are you hurt?” he asked. Y/N pulled her face closer, burying her head in the puffed pillow.

“No, only scalped. Why?”

“I thought you’ve been stabbed, little one”.

Her hands traced the lines of his back, and he felt shivers jumping joyfully on his shoulder blades. He laid back on his side, pulling his left arm under her pillow, and sighed contentedly.

“You must’ve dreamt that. I’m sure I’d notice if I’d been stabbed”.

Her voice was like a very slow chorus of a church bell, going straight to his brain and soothing it into sleep. He couldn’t see half of her face and was growing wary of it. Bucky lifted himself up again and caught her in his arms, flipping her over so that she’d face the window. Her fingers clutched his skin like she was falling. That was the best feeling. He’d recalled that first time he covered her up because she would be so forgetful of the things around her in the field. Shoot me, I don’t even care. The feeling of her hanging on to him, grabbing his sides like she was drowning, like he was her only way to survival, had never left him, even when he lost the memory of her voice. When she disappeared for two years he was bringing back that moment, and holding on to it, ironically, like his life depended on it.

She was stroking his face gently, like she was forbidden to actually touch him. Like he could say no to her, or push her away. With all his will and strength gathered, Barnes considered it hard. No one has touched him this way for nearly eighty years. He traced her body down her thigh and then up again, counting her ribs. One was missing.

“Maybe you’ll be the one to tell me where I am”.

Y/N was lying next to him like a mermaid, her skin taking in the light from the window. Bucky saw the room behind her, but couldn’t pay much attention.

“Where do you think you are?”

“Not in Wakanda”.

She shook her head slowly, caressing his neck.

“Not home”.

Another negative.

“Not in Siberia”.

“M-hm”.

“But this is not real either”.

“How do you know?”

“The real Y/N wouldn’t let me in”.

She went sore.

“It’s too good to be true”, Bucky went on indifferently, ignoring the light shivers between his bones. His affection boiled bright pink in his throat, and he barely could hear himself speak behind the sound of wanting to open her mouth with his fingers and put his tongue inside. While he could. He didn’t have time to reach Rebecca. And the snowstorm didn’t let him change Steve’s mind. Something told him he wouldn’t have time to cover those six inches between them.

“You know I always try to take care of you”, Y/N said.

“Uh-huh”.

“How are you feeling?”

Bucky sighed and forced himself to look into her eyes.

“Alive. But hurt. It’s good, I guess. It’s different now”.

“Why are you- ”

He felt the bed pushed away from beneath him before she could finish. He bumped his head on the floor hard, like he was falling for a very long time. He clutched his fists and felt something soft and wet in his palms. Bucky grunted angrily, breathing like an animal, and sunk his teeth into his lip, almost tearing it. Enough!

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