#I will make up for all the lame ass boss fights in this game lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uniformbravo · 2 years

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ALRIGHT i guess im liveblogging this now screams

(carry on by rainbow rowell or as i like to call it Gay Wizard Books)

im going back thru what ive already read a little bit a lot bit bc theres some GOOD SHIT back there.... i don't plan to be v thorough w this so dont expect a lot of story continuity or context i just want to yell about the parts that make me scream basically

the story is told from multiple povs in 1st person so every time it shifts i'll note it with the new speaker's name at the beginning of the excerpt

also there'll most definitely be spoilers jsyk!!

---

obligatory book cover appearance (simon on the left, baz on the right, party in the back)

[Simon] Baz told me that for him, it's like lighting a match. Or pulling a trigger.

He hadn't meant to tell me that. It was when we were fighting the chimera in the woods during our fifth year.

oh SHIT ok im glad i went back for this LMAO the chimera story is more significant than this lets on, i never woulda caught this

anyway "he hadnt meant to tell me that" LOL

"Do it, Snow!" Baz shouted at me. "Do it. Fucking unleash. Now."

"I can't," I tried to tell him. "It doesn't work like that."

"It bloody well does."

"I can't just turn it on," I said.

"Try."

"I can't, damn it."

[...]

"Close your eyes and light a match," Baz told me. [...]

"What?"

"That's what my mother used to say," he said. "Light a match inside your heart, then blow on the tinder."

It's always fire with Baz. I can't believe he hasn't incinerated me yet. Or burned me at the stake.

PLEASE simons like look at this asshole BOSSING ME AROUND meanwhile baz is like offering Genuine Advice in a critical moment gjakjgksdg it's like in pnat when johnny tries to apologize for getting max hurt in the hitball game and max is just like LOL NICE TRY ASSHOLE HERE'S THE REAL REASON UR APOLOGIZING-

He used to threaten me with a Viking's funeral, back when we were third years. "Do you know what that is, Snow? A flaming pyre, set adrift on the sea. We could do yours in Blackpool, so all your chavvy Normal friends can come."

"Sod off," I'd say, and try to ignore him.

I've never even had any Normal friends, chavvy or otherwise.

ok first of all baz PLEASE why is that so fucking funny, secondly simon's fucking gjskgjdgjkd LAME ASS COMEBACK "we'll even invite all ur friends to the funeral" "jokes on U i don't HAVE any friends" LIKE PLS

That night that we were fighting the chimera, Baz kept yelling at me until I went off.

We both woke up a few hours later in a blackened pit. The boulder we'd been hiding behind was dust, and the chimera was vapour. Or maybe it was just gone.

Baz was sure I'd singed off his eyebrows, but he looked fine to me--not a hair out of place.

Typical.

LOL he's an asshole AND he's perfect in every conceivable way??? FUCK this guy

(also also later im pretty sure penny says something like "if he knows ur there he'll protect u when he goes off so u don't get blown up" so like lol. lol and lmao baz turns up completely unharmed next to a completely obliterated fucking BOULDER, ON THE DAY HE TRIED TO GENUINELY KILL SIMON,)

Things I miss most about Watford:

[...]

No. 2--Penelope

This spot on the list used to belong to "roast beef."

GGJFOGJGKJDKG YEAH??? desperately wanna know what penny would say to this

The first time I came back to Watford, my second year, I climbed right into my bed and cried like a baby. I was still crying when Baz came in. "Why are you already weeping?" he snarled. "You're ruining my plans to push you to tears."

this fuckin DOOD

(weeping. weeping. this guy says weeping-)

(also they were 12 back then which makes it even funnier baz is SO like

(also wait hold on which one of them the fuck is older please PLEASE i have to know IMMEDIATELY))

"I've told you that his cheeks get really full when he has a nightmare? Like his mouth is filling up with extra teeth?"

simon standing over baz's bedside staring at him having nightmares like

(give it up for my sister's cat btw)

"Circumstantial evidence," Penny says. "And I still don't know why you'd creep up on a vampire who has night terrors."

"I live with him! I have to keep my wits about me."

She rolls her eyes. "Baz'll never hurt you in your own room."

She's right. He can't. Our rooms are spelled against betrayal--the Roommate's Anathema. If Baz does anything to physically hurt me inside our room, he'll be cast out of the school.

good thing baz is a giant NERD

(also "baz'll" is tickling me so much bc it's just. basil)

(im assuming that's how it's pronounced, largely bc that's how they say it in the great mouse detective, the only other point of reference i have for english accents,)

You get warnings when you're young: For the first two years, if you try to hit or hurt your roommate, your hands go stiff and cold. I threw a book at Baz once in our first year, and it took three days for my hand to thaw out.

Baz has never violated the Anathema. Not even when we were kids.

Inch Resting

"Penelope?" She doesn't answer. I lean off my bed and swing my pillow at her legs--that's how close the beds are; Baz wouldn't even have to get out of his to kill me. Or vice versa, I guess.

"I guess"

"Penny."

"What?" she says into Baz's pillow.

"You have to go back to your room."

"Don't want to."

[...]

I get out of bed and stand over her. Her dark hair is spread out over the pillowcase, and her glasses are smashed into her cheek. Her skirt has hiked up, and her bare thigh looks plump and smooth.

I pinch her. She jumps up.

god their friendship is so CUTE i love the two of them so much this is so good ;w;

The Mage nods. "Good." He looks at me for a few more seconds, then turns back to the window, like he's observed everything about me that he needs to. The sunlight catches in his thick brown hair, and for a minute, he looks even more like a swashbuckler than usual.

He's in uniform; dark green canvas leggings, tall leather boots, a green tunic with straps and small pockets--with a sword hanging in a woven scabbard from his tooled belt.

when my older sibling was in art school they did a painting of a pirate fighting a dragon that pretty much matches this description Exactly so from now on until proven otherwise in my mind the mage looks like this:

(simon snow series if the mage had a gun: )

I strip off my shirt and give the gold cross around my neck a rub. I'm not religious--it's a talisman. Been passed down in Agatha's family for years, a ward against vampires. [...] I don't really need to wear it all summer, but once you get used to wearing an anti-vampire necklace, it seems stupid to take it off.

LMAO this is genuinely so fucking funny he really has an anti-vampire necklace. a "fuck you baz specifically" necklace. statement piece

I don't see Baz, but there are so many people, it'd be easy for him to avoid me if he wanted. (Baz normally makes sure that I see him.)

lol lol lol

Baz isn't in our room when I wake up.

I look for him in the dining hall at breakfast, but he's not there either.

His name is called during my first lesson--Greek with the Minotaur. [...]

He calls out Baz's name four times. "Tyrannus Pitch? Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch?"

this fuckin ebony darkness dementia raven way ass-

She waves her hand at Agatha and me. "This is important. Agatha, you know Baz better than any of us. What did he tell you?"

"She doesn't know him better than I do," I argue. "I live with him."

"Fine, Simon, what did he tell you?"

"Nothing

cutting it off here bc it's funnier gdkfldg

simon's NEED to assert himself as the number one baz encyclopedia in this world i SWEAR 2 god

(also oh my god they're roommates-)

I know I should be happy about Baz being gone--it's what I've always said I wanted, to be free of him--but it seems so...wrong. People don't just disappear like this.

Baz wouldn't.

obsessed with the way he's so obsessed w this, PEAK enemies dynamic

"can't wait til this bitch is out of my life forever" *bitch disappears* "WHERE IS HE-"

(also interesting to specify "said i wanted" why would u phrase it like that simon. explain)

"No," I say. "I mean--Baz. Basil didn't come back."

"Ah," she says. "Young Master Pitch. Surely he'll be back. His mother did so value education."

"That's what I said!"

"Well, you know him best," she says.

"That's what I said, too!"

He Knows Him Best

Ebb nods and pets the goat. "To think you used to be at each other's throats."

"We're still at each other's throats."

She looks up at me doubtfully. She has narrow blue eyes, bright blue--brighter somehow because her face is so dirty.

"Ebb," I insist, "he tried to kill me."

"Not successfully." She shrugs. "Not recently."

"He's tried to kill me three times! That I know of! It doesn't actually matter whether it worked."

"It matters a bit," she says. "'Sides, how old was he the first time, eleven? Twelve? That hardly counts."

LMAO LMAO LMAO SHE GETS IT

"I'm just saying--been a long time since I had to spell you two apart."

"Well, there's no point in throwing down all the time," I say. "Doesn't get us anywhere. And it hurts. I suspect we're saving up."

"For what?" she asks.

"The end."

"The end of school?"

"The end of the end," I say. "The big fight."

"So you were saving it, and then he didn't come back for it?"

"Exactly!"

LOL HES SO MAD he said "meet me in the dennys parking lot at 3 am for an ass kicking" and baz said "snzzzzzzzzzz"

The Catacombs sit beneath the Chapel and beyond it. There are probably lots of ways down, but I only know of one.

In our fifth year, I kept seeing Baz slip off towards the Chapel after dinner.

[...]

Penelope only went with me at first, when she still believed Baz might be up to something.

She stopped after a few months. She stopped going to Baz's football matches with me, too. And stopped waiting with me in the hallway outside the balcony where Baz takes his violin lessons.

god. jesus christ. fucking. i swear 2 god. he was really out here like

But I couldn't give it up. Not when all my clues were just starting to come together...

The blood on Baz's cuffs. The fact that he could see in the dark. [...] Then I found a pile of dead rats in the Chapel basement, all pinched and used, like squeezed up lemons.

I was alone when I finally confronted him. Deep in the Catacombs, inside the Children's Tomb. Le Tombeau des Enfants. Baz was sitting in the corner, skulls stacked along the walls around him.

"You found me," he said.

GOD this goth ass bitch was really down here in skull city sipping on rats like Capri Sun every night i CAN'T deal with him he makes me insane

"They died in a plague," he said.

"Who?"

Baz raised his hand--I flinched back.

He cocked an eyebrow and swept his arm in a flourish at the room around us. "Them," he said. "Les enfants."

i really want to imagine that he just. Completely butchers the pronunciation. his dramatic ass sitting there like "the children...... Less En Fance"

He slipped a flask out of his jacket and took a swig. I didn't know that he'd been drinking--my sword dipped. I tried to remind myself to stay battle ready, and pulled it up again.

the hesitation here PLEASE

what does it mean...............

"Stake through the heart?" he asked, falling back into the corner and resting an arm on a pile of skills. "Beheading, perhaps? That only works if you keep my head separate from my body, and even then I could still walk; my body won't stop until it finds my head....Better go with fire, Snow, it's the only solution."

Better Make It Count. Better Hit Me In One Shot

I wanted to just slice him in two. Right then and there. Fucking finally.

But I kept thinking of Penelope. "How do you know he's a vampire, Simon? Have you seen him drink blood? Has he threatened you? Has he tried to put you in his thrall?"

Maybe he had. Maybe that's why I'd been following Baz around for six months.

and that seems like a plausible theory to you HUH ok

(also more hesitation. the Excuses smh hfhghdgh heh hee Hee)

"What if I accidentally Turned you? Then I'd be stuck with your pious face forever." Baz shook his head and took another pull at his flask. "I don't think undeath would improve you, Snow. It would just ruin your complexion." He giggled again. Mirthlessly. And closed his eyes like he was exhausted.

obsessed with this. give me the baz pov on this i wanna know his Exact thoughts at this moment STAT

(this was apparently the year he realized his feelings for simon so i am simply sitting here like Show Me The Truth. Release The Butthole Cut)

I dropped my sword but kept it unsheathed, then stepped out of my stance. "I don't have to do anything," I said. "I know what you are. Now I just have to wait for you to make a mistake."

He winced without opening his eyes. "Really, Snow? That's your plan? Wait for me to kill someone? You're the worst Chosen One who's ever been chosen."

LOL get his ass, after all that internal struggle all he could come up with was "w-well i don't have to do it right NOW, i can do it whenever i want, just keeping u on ur toes lmao!!!!" like ghgkdjgs PLEASE

also thing that drives me insane about them #346

they're sworn enemies that hate each others guts forever right. baz calls simon "snow" bc it's his last name and that's what u do when ur enemies

but NOT ONLY does simon not call him pitch or grimm or what have u but by a NICKNAME???????? not even his first name it's his MIDDLE NAME like it does seem to be what Everyone calls him so sure ok but why simon. what is the MEANING of this

theres even a point later where baz is like "i know he tries to avoid saying my name whenever possible" so then wHY IS HE LIKE. YO WHAT UP BAZ MY GUY

AND LIKE when simon's talking to other people, like teachers and ebb and stuff he always says baz first and then clarifies "basil" LIKE IF YOU SAY IT TO CERTAIN PEOPLE ANYWAY WHY WOULD YOU DEFAULT BACK TO BAZ AGAIN I SCREEAAAMMMMM

even basil is technically a nickname his ACTUAL middle name is basilton, simon goes DOUBLE nickname he calls him fucking basilton twice removed i can't. i genuinely cant

and you would THINK that at some point baz would have been like dont fucking call me that asshole but i GUESS over the last 7 years it never Came Up

maybe simon just started doing it to piss him off (please let this be the reason)

None of it comes naturally to me. Words. Language. Speaking.

I don't remember when I learned to talk, but I know they tried to send me to specialists. Apparently, that can happen to kids in care, or kids with parents who never talk to them--they just don't learn how.

I used to see a counsellor and a speech therapist. "Use your words, Simon." I got so bloody sick of hearing that. It was so much easier to just take what I wanted instead of asking for it. Or thump whoever was hurting me, even if they thumped me right back.

I barely spoke the first month I was at Watford. It was easy not to; no one else around here shuts up.

💖 💖 💖 👑 Nonverbal King 👑 💖 💖 💖

simon autistic thank u

[Penelope] I must frown, because Simon raises his eyebrows and says, "I know, Penny--I'm not going anywhere. But if I stay here, then he wants me to lie low. He wants us to lie low. He says his Men are working on it, and it's delicate."

every time they talk about the mage's Men it makes me laugh so much theyre not just his men theyre his Men, the mage and his Boys, his Squad. cracking open a cold one with The Men

"Do you think Baz is with these other boys?" I ask.

"Makes sense, doesn't it?"

I don't say anything. I really, really hate to talk to Simon about Baz. It's like talking to the Mad Hatter about tea. I hate to encourage him.

BFJGOGUAGKGK YEAH OK

I lean into him, because I'm cold and he's always warm. And because I like to remind him that I'm not afraid of him.

penny is such a sweet friend PLEASE

(simon has rly powerful magic that basically makes him explode all the time so not a lot of people like to stick too close to him)

I raise my wand and cast a "See what I mean!" then start writing in the air--What We Know:

"Nothing," Agatha says. "Meeting adjourned."

LOL AGATHA

She said it felt like touching a raw wire and feeling the electricity shake you from the inside. Raw, scalding, scorching magic...

Which is still how Simon's magic feels. I've never told him so, but it's awful. Just standing near him when he goes off is like taking a shock. Your muscles are tired afterwards, and your hair smells like smoke.

again i just love the sentiment, "i've never told him so" pleaseeeeee

Once, he went off while protecting Agatha and me from a clan of worsegers--like badgers, but worse--

WORSEGERS

I don't think Simon and Agatha are in love.

But it isn't my job to tell them so. (And also I've already tried.)

PENNY

[Agatha] I know that Basil, I don't know...thinks about me. Or at least thought about me. That he used to watch me. Especially when I was with Simon.

UH HUH

I know that he hated what Simon and I have. And wanted it. That he'd do anything to get between us.

U DON'T SAY

Baz was always there, cutting in at every dance. Teasing me away from Simon, then just teasing me. Disappearing. Sneaking away.

oh my god baz PLEASE this poor girl

[Simon] I swear I don't normally lie and keep secrets from my friends like this. It's just--I can't tell them I'm out here looking for Baz.

the thing that kills me about simon's nightly searches is how utterly unlikely it is that baz would actually secretly have been on school grounds the entire time- but simon doesn't know what else to do and he can't just sit around and do nothing so he does the only thing he can do which is scour the Entire school grounds Just In Case

I know that it's Baz's handkerchief before I even see his initials embroidered in the corner, next to the Pitch coat of arms (flames, the moon, three falcons).

THREE FALCON MOON

I know it's his because he's the only person I've ever met who carries old-fashioned handkerchiefs.

miles edgeworth ass-

He dropped one on my bed, sarcastically, when we were in first year, the first time he made me cry.

Sarcastically

(also "the first time he made me cry" YELLS............ deets NOW)

Pitch Family Coat of Arms (colorized)

Agatha can't leave me. She can't leave me for him. Oh, he'd love that--he'd love to have that over me. Damn it all, he isn't even here to have that over me.

She can't leave me like this. She can't leave me.

We were settled. We were sorted.

We were endgame. (If I get an endgame.) (You have to pretend that you get an endgame. You have to carry on like you will; otherwise, you can't carry on at all.)

i kno simon's kinda having a rough time rn but YOOOOOOOO TITLE DROP LETS GOOOOOOOOOO *airhorns* *cannons* *fireworks*

I have to fix this. With Agatha.

I'll say whatever she wants me to say.

I'll kill Baz, so that he isn't an option.

FJGOEIWJGWJGKDG step one: work things out with my girlfriend. step two: Slaughter Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch Where He Stands

"All right there, Simon?" It's Rhys. He's coming up along the path from the library in his wheelchair.

I look up. "All right. Hiya." I'm not all right. My face is flushed, and I think I'm crying. Do my edges look blurred to him? He hurries past me.

LMAO LMAO LMAO rhys like "how's it going!!" and simon "how can i make her love me again *explodes*

artist rendition:

I'm not sleeping this time when I hear the noises.

I'm just lying in my bed, thinking about Baz.

nice

She looks over at his empty bed, and her sadness is so potent that in that moment, I'd do anything to get him back for her. (I'd do anything to bring him back.)

*spits drink* HUH????? U WANNA RUN THAT ONE BY ME AGAIN SIMON. WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THIS

Her face falls. "My son," she says, cold tears gathering in her eyes. "Give him this." She leans forward and presses a kiss into my temple.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I close my eyes and pull up my blankets. But the cold is on me, it's in me. "I'll tell him!"

If Baz ever comes back, I will.

[...]

I can't wait to get out of my room in the morning. I run out the door with my tie hanging around my neck and my jumper thrown over my shoulder.

I have no plans to come back. Ever. There's no room for me in there with all the ghosts. Let Baz's mum hang out with his empty bed; I'm tired of staring at it.

im gonna scream im gonna scream he went from "yeehaw i got the whole room to myself baby" to "FUCK this room if baz isn't here" HE WENT ON A WHOLE ASS JOURNEY

like is this genuinely implying that he was gonna fucking. what, LEAVE the school to go looking for that rat bastard himself, deliver the message or by god die trying, or is he just straight up like that's it im sleeping in the forest now ??????????????????? WHAT WAS HIS PLAN

absolutely deranged behavior he cracked. his worst enemy in the world didn't show up to torment him and he couldn't fucking take the peace and quiet

That reminds me. I'm wearing the same trousers as yesterday. I reach into the pocket and feel his handkerchief.

yea hyeah ok yeah neat cool and awesome u know that tuesday morning feel when u just gotta feel ur bros handkerchief in ur pocket, we've all had that moment at some point in our lives RIGHT

"Agatha's not really in love with Baz. She's just looking for something that sticks. It's romantic to be in love with a dead vampire."

"Dead?"

"You know what I mean," Penny says. "Missing. Seriously missing."

Was Baz dead?

[...]

In all of this, I've never seriously considered that Baz might be dead. Hiding, yes--plotting. Maybe even kidnapped or hurting, but...not dead.

He promised to make my life miserable.

SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREECHES AND SCREAMS HELLO???????? HELLO?????????? FUCKING HELLO????????????? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?????????? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???????? HELLO?????????????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUHGGAUGAGAUGHGAGHHAGHGHHH ???????????????????????????????

When the figure steps forward, I recognize him at once.

Tall. Black hair swept back from his forehead. Lips curled up in a sneer...I know that face as well as my own.

Baz.

I stand up too quickly, knocking my chair over. [...]

Baz steps towards us.

Baz.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO MANS JUMPED TO HIS FEET FRAME FUCKING ONE KNOCKED HIS ENTIRE CHAIR OVER HES SOOOOOOOOOOO BAD FOR HIM 💀💀💀

the repetition like he can't even fucking believe it, not Angry or Heart Sinking at the sight of him or ANY of that shit he is feeling one single emotion right now and it's just BAZ

and this happens DIRECTLY after simons like holy shit what if he's dead LIKE baz was gone for EXACTLY the amount of time it took for simon to start getting emo about him LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS BUT SOMETHING ABOUT THAT GETS ME........ it's like that moment when ur just about to lose hope and then at the last second BAM THERE HE IS

it's that TINY taste of despair and disbelief and denial we get a SLIVER of these deep deep deep down emotions that would absolutely never have surfaced had he not been pushed to this point over the course of the past what was it. like two or three MONTHS

he cant IMAGINE a world without baz in it to the point that it simply never even occurred to him like. u know what this is. simon and baz are mortal fucking enemies for seven years straight. attacking and biting and killing and maiming each other, this is their relationship, this is their Status Quo

so when baz doesn't show up to school, extremely uncharacteristic behavior, simon doesn't think "oh my god he's dead in a ditch somewhere," his first thought is "ALRIGHT WHAT'S THAT SON OF A BITCH PLAYING AT THIS TIME"

because this is their Game, if baz is acting out of the ordinary then oh, he must be plotting something evil, his next Evil Scheme to overthrow the mage or do Dark Vampiric Deeds and it's like. the longer this goes on the more desperate simon gets because this IS part of the game, right?? any moment now he'll reveal himself and start monologuing, RIGHT???? RIGHT??????

and the thing about it is he doesn't even REALIZE that's what's happening here, he's just losing his mind more and more every day trying to find SOME sense of normalcy but it's impossible when the biggest constant in his life is Gone and goddamnit if that bastard would just get his ASS back here-

u know in megamind when metroman fucking dies and megamind slowly spirals into madness because what the FUCK we HAD something going u werent supposed to ACTUALLY DIE what the hell am i supposed to do NOW

yeah

fucking beautiful. absolute masterpiece. poetic cinema. Literature

---

ANYWAY so this book is divided up into these hard defined sections and that was the end of Book One!! baz finally shows up and the screen cuts to black, killing me instantly-

i figured these Book sections would be a good way to divide up the liveblog but it also makes it kinda long so if i have more to say in future sections i might divide them up further. i mean i went WAY more into this than i thought i would, i had planned to just skim the parts i'd read already for scenes i wanted to cover but then i just basically ended up rereading it all over again so WHOOPS

so far in my prior reading i've finished the first two Sections of the book and am a lil ways into the third, so the next liveblog will also be covering stuff i've already read, but there's a lot of fun stuff in book two so i'm sure it'll end up being just as if not MORE hefty than this one

i am simply rambling at this point IN CONCLUSION pls read the simon snow series im having an absolute BLAST with it so far AND its gay what more could u need. happy pride

#retag later #hmmmmmm what tag should i use for this series #ss blogging #(i feel like ive used this tag already but i can't find anything on my blog so so be it #ss for simon snow)#or i could come up w a funny lil nickname like w pnat. simon snowmon. snowm'n #tips fedora m'snow #fslgkdjgkdfg ANYWAY #idk why i put so much effort into those doodles i weas really out here like HOW DO I STICK TO THE 180 DEGREE RULE #(still don't know if i technically did it right but everything seems to read clearly anyway SO)#(also i have yet to come across an actual physical description of rhys so this is a PLACEHOLDER ok orz)

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spicymotte · 3 years

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sometimes I simply forget that I'm actually a concept & game artist and that I have the power of making my own boss fight concepts.

So I made two concepts for a 2-stage Donna boss fight! She deserves some time to shine

#donna beneviento #resident evil #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #re8 #concepts #my art #Donna honey I am so sorry you got no screentime #you deserve so much more #I will make up for all the lame ass boss fights in this game lol #just in case pls dont repost

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shorkbrian · 3 years

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Creep

Prelude - bitch hold on what about mean brother Shigs being an absolute creep? Inspired by me playing a boss in AC Odyssey and my controller vibrated so hard I almost dropped it, and I couldn’t beat this dude and it was so freaking frustrating!!!!!!

Pairing - Shigaraki X Reader

Warnings - - INCEST, NSFW, innocence kink, do not read if those squick you out bro!!! Seriously! abuse of trust, dubcon, noncon, literally nothing about this situation is good, or healthy, or nice. Disgusting behavior is exhibited by Shigs.

Music - (does anyone actually like when I provide music? I like getting music vibes while I read through fics but ik that my music taste is a bit wacky lol anyways). https://open.spotify.com/track/0ODyahnUlK9G5bT4dA5NCI?si=10R9ggoJS1inYidrMeWrHA

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He offers to let you play his Xbox game, you keep annoying him by pouting for his attention and he gives up with trying to ignore you.

Stipulation - you gotta sit on his lap while you play, you’re such a stupid little girl that he forces his hands over yours, showing you how to use the Xbox controller while sneering at how dumb you are.

You’re too focused on the game to pay attention to how one of his hands has dropped from the controller, is creeping up your thigh, thumbing at the hem of your shorts. You don't realize that he’s plastered against your back, breath picking up in your ear as he hunches over your shoulder, thinking of all the dirty things he wants to do to you, how you’re too absent-minded to realize how much of a perverted creep he is.

“Shit!” You curse, breaking Shigaraki out of his thoughts as you bounce your leg in frustration. He feels the slight vibration of the controller - you’re getting attacked in the game, enemies surrounding you and hacking at your player. Shigaraki is too entranced by how he can watch your jiggling breasts over your shoulder, jostling around as you jerk your arms, trying to not die in the game.

“Nii-san help me, ‘m gonna die!” You shriek, whole body getting into the gaming experience, jerking around in his lap as you struggle to press the right buttons. Shigaraki tries not to groan - he can feel the space between your thighs as you move around, hot and doughy and he wants to touch so bad.

Yeah, he’s always been a bit of a creep, but he’s never actually done anything to you.

The most he does is fantasize, thinking about how you’d feel clamping down on him, how’d you’d taste if he made you ride his face. What you’d look like if he forced his cock into you with barely any prep - you’d squeeze your eyes shut so tight, let out little whimpers and clench your fists because “Hurts, hurts! Go slow Nii-san, don’t want this!”

But he wouldn’t have to listen, you’re just a naive little girl who doesn’t know that Shigaraki would be trying to make you feel good too, that it would feel good soon.

“Stop wiggling, you’re gonna fall off.” He rasps back at you, taking his other hand off the controller to grab your waist, barely saving you from keeling over and onto the floor. You’re left to fend for yourself now, button-mashing, groaning when you finally succumb to your enemies and die a violent, gory death.

“I died! Why didn’t you help, you’re right here?!” the accusatory tone of your voice is ignored as you revert to the last save, huffing in frustration as you’re forced to start over.

“You’re never gonna learn if I’m holding your hands like that.”

Shigaraki’s glad you’ve stilled again - if you’d kept up your wiggling, he’d have to figure out a way to explain what the hard thing poking into the side of your plush little rear.

God, you had the most perfect ass.

Maybe he’s a freak, a disgusting man with fucked up morals, but Shigaraki’s always been a social outcast, seen as weird and wrong and criticized for every little thing he did.

What’s wrong with settling into the role other people were so quick to offer him?

Surely you’ve noticed his odd behavior by now, the behavior that’s picked up in the last few years. How he stares at you a little more than he should, how sometimes he slips into bed with you, murmuring some lame excuse about not being able to sleep.

The way he freezes when you give him an affectionate hug, clenching his fists by his side as your breasts are squished up against his body.

You had to have caught on to his uncharacteristic softness with you. He’s still mean and coarse and rude, but there's an underlying affection underneath the way he mocks your outfits, when he says you look like the gross character out of a manga he’s reading, how he tugs on your hair sometimes when he passes by you, wheezing out a laugh if you turn around and try to slap at him in irritation.

If you didn’t want him to be weird, you could’ve said something by now. You should’ve said something by now.

So really, it’s your own fault that he feels so comfortable being a sicko.

“Don’t tickle, I gotta focus.” You tell him, squirming away when he runs a hand experimentally over your stomach. You’re so cute, and dumb, he wants to bully you until you’re crying, say mean things and hurt your feelings only so he can kiss it better.

But he doesn’t, because he’s a good brother.

His hand travels further up, rests right underneath your breast, almost cupping it. Still, you don’t say anything, attention on the game.

Do you want this? Are you just stupid? His affection is so obviously not normal for siblings, and yet you act like it’s fine. Maybe you’re a virgin, untainted with the knowledge of how sexual touches feel like.

The hand on your waist begins to slip under your shorts, his cold fingers quickly warmed by your skin. “Nii-san, stop that, it’s weird.”

Ah, there’s the common sense.

“I though you wanted to play the game? Don’t be a bitch.” He doesn’t really care whether you want him willingly now or not, he’s getting excited by the heat of your body, your weight on his lap.

You pause the game when his hand creeps lower into your shorts, when his fingers skim low over your tummy, too close to a private place that brothers shouldn't touch.

“Stop touching me, I don’t like that.”

“It’s not like you wouldn’t enjoy it.” He mumbles, and you stiffen in his lap, but he quickly takes his hand out of your shorts, stops cupping your soft breast.

The game gets unpaused, and you resume playing, although your attention is divided now, nervous about sitting in your brother’s lap.

Has it finally clicked? Are you thinking about what he could do to you, how he could make you feel?

“You suck at this.” Shigaraki observes, the controller shaking almost violently as you’re attacked again, overwhelmed by enemies.

“Well, maybe if you taught me how to play instead of being weird, I wouldn’t be.” You snarked, frustrated with the game, uneasy with your brother holding your hips like that.

Shigaraki rolls his eyes. You’re so dramatic, and although you have a valid point, he’s always been weird. This is nothing new, you’ve just been too thick-skulled to realize it before, which isn’t his fault.

A few more tries, and you still can’t get past the one group of enemies, dying after a few minutes every single time. You’re going to waste the batteries like that, controller jumping in your hands.

“I can’t-” You whine, coming across the enemies after your latest death, already knowing what’s going to happen.

Shigaraki stays silent, red eyes finally flickering away from your body and up to the screen of the TV.

You’re at one of the hardest parts of the game, facing a section that took Shigaraki two days to beat (not that he’ll tell you that). He grins as you throw yourself into the fight, immediately getting decked.

The noises you’re letting out are cute, frustrated groans on each hit landed on your player, muttered curses and triumphant scoffs whenever you manage to strike an enemy, which isn’t often.

The controller’s still shaking like crazy, and you’re moving around in his lap again, and Shigaraki is done. He can’t take this anymore, you’re being a tease.

He snatches the Xbox controller out of your hands, ignoring your little “Hey! What’re you doing, I was playing!”

“You call this playing?” The shuddering of the controller surprises him, gives him an idea.

There hadn’t been a plan, he had just been acting on instinct, hands itching to push you off his lap and to the floor, just to see the way you’d look up at him after.

Like that, you’d be in the perfect position to suck his cock.

But he wants to go in a different direction now.

“Stay still, you’re so annoying.” He’s spreading his legs out, sinking back further in his chair to get a better angle, your legs hooked over his.

There’s no time for you to protest. Like this, you’re spread out nicely, exposed, even though your shorts cover your intimate place.

Without any further preamble, Shigaraki shoves the vibrating controller up against your clothed cunt.

“NIi-san!” You shriek, immediately writhing in his hold. But Shigaraki has an arm locked around your chest, keeping you pinned to his chest. “Don’t, think sins’t-this isn't-! Stop this, stop! Don’t touch me!”

He can bet it feels good, that you’re struggling to tell him to stop. He begins rubbing the controller against you, snickering at the way you jolt and writher on each pass of the hard, curved plastic against your protected clit. He can’t even imagine how good it would feel if your stupid shorts weren’t in the way.

“Stop, stop! Stop it! Stop!” You sound like a broken record.

“Shut up, you can’t even play the game right. Feel that?” the controller gets rubbed harder against you, and you writhe. “That’s how bad you are. So pathetic, can’t even fend off a couple of bad guys.”

Can’t even fend off one, Shigaraki thinks to himself. You could be trying harder to get out of his hold, could be screaming and yelling and scratching and kicking.

Well, you are scratching and kicking, moving around so much that he’s having a hard time keeping you still. And you making a lot of noise, but there’s no one else home.

He’s fully hard, and every movement you make struggling rubs him right up against the meat of your ass, and he sucks in a stuttered breath, biting his lip.

“No, no, no, no, don’t want this Nii-san, stop it-” Your panicked pleas are ignored, Shigaraki shoving your hands away as you try to pull the controller off of your cunt, get the vibrations to stop.

On screen, the player is still getting attacked, each new hit making the controller vibrate even harder.

“Ow, ow! It hurts, make it stop! Nii-san-”

“I’ll gag you if you don’t stop complaining.” Shigaraki seethes, feeling irritation creep up. “It hurts because you’ve never felt this good before, idiot.”

He remembers the first time he’d used something on his dick. It was your toothbrush, unsurprisingly, the one that vibrated with three different speeds and made you so proud of your pearly whites.

It had been so overwhelming, he couldn’t even touch the back of the head to his cock. At times, it felt so good it had hurt, had completely blinded his senses and leave him in a puddle of his own cum and sweat, panting.

So Shigaraki understood what you were trying to say - your inexperienced body needed him to slow down, ease up a little. But your gross, nasty brother wanted to ruin you.

Your character on screen died, resulting in one last heavy vibration that made you sob, thighs struggling to snap shut, hands desperately pushing at Shigaraki.

He felt you convulse in his grip, could practically feel the way your little hole was clenching as you gushed all over yourself, whining and moaning at the pleasure.

Your character was sent back to the last save, the game on a loading screen.

But Shigaraki wasn’t done.

He was still hard against your back, rubbing himself off as best he could, but he was finding his own pleasure in watching you writhe on his lap.

The controller was tossed to the side, nimble fingers sliding over your shorts, Shigaraki laughing at what he found.

“You’re so wet, holy fuck. That’s disgusting, wow.” You were drenched, the fabric of your shorts completely soaked with your juices. You only sobbed out a pitiful noise, maybe trying to deny it, but Shigaraki wasn’t listening. He was too busy rubbing over the wet spot, gleefully feeling you up. It was easy for his fingers to find a comfortable, mind-numbing rhythm, so used to playing games and deftly pushing buttons, using sticks and joysticks, directional pads and the like.

You were rocking against his hand unconcsiously, body unable and unwilling to decided whether to pull away or push closer - you had just cum, but that didn’t negate the vicious, heady sensation that his fingers brought.

Shigaraki quickly grew bored of this though, unable to ignore his dripping erection. He had never been a patient man, quickly removing the hand stimulating your swollen pussy so he could pull his cock out of his sweatpants.

With a quick movement, your shorts were tugged down, your brother completely pushing past your refusal to lift your hips, burning your skin with how forcefully the fabric was ripped down.

“Nii-san, what are you doing-you can’t, you can’t!” You cried, renewing your struggle when you felt skin against skin, his cock hot and velvety as it rested against your cheeks. “I don’t wanna do this, don’t make me do this-”

“I don’t care. I’ve tried to be good, and it’s like you don’t even care.” The man ground out, beginning to rut his hips against your ass. It was dry, and it didn’t feel great, but it was more than enough to satisfy Shigaraki. “I barely touch you, I keep my hands to myself-”

Which was a lie. Late at night, when he was sure you were fast asleep, he’d touch, just a little. Rubbing your nipples, feeling them peak under his touch. Feeling the curve of your waist, skin soft against his dry palms.

“-I wouldn’t stare either, but you wear those stupid shirts-” The deep cut ones, the ones that showed off your cleavage and allowed him weeks of jerk-off material.

“So annoying, just a stupid little imoto that follows me around, you just want attention.”

He knows you don’t do it on purpose. You aren’t trying to make him see you in a sexual light. But maybe that’s what makes it all the more appealing, how naive and innocent you are.

Fuck, he’s getting close just thinking about your purity, how much you don’t know, how much he could teach you.

He doesn’t know a ton, but Shigaraki knows enough about what feels good for him, and you probably wouldn’t want to learn, but he deserved something nice every once in a while, didn’t he?

The drag of his cock between your ass cheeks was making him loose his mind, the slide too rough, but it felt delicious and stimulated him just right, pulling at his foreskin and spreading his precum into a sticky mess on your skin.

“Fuck, stay still, lemme feel good-” His voice was choked up, still holding it’s usual nasal resonance.

You sobbed in his hold, his fingers still playing over your shorts, exploring, keeping you occupied and frozen with sensation while he got himself off with your body.

And then he was breaking, splurting his seed all over your lower back, watching it come out of his cock in shaky squirts, painting your skin a cloudy white.

Shigaraki groaned, eyes transfixed to the sight before him. It was hard to keep them open, body shaking with little snaps of pleasure in his veins, in his stomach.

On the bed next to his thigh, the controller started shaking again. Panting, Shigaraki raised his eyes to the TV screen as you slumped against him, softly crying.

Your character was getting attacked again.

“Let’s keep playing.”

And the vibrating controller was pressed to your bare cunt, making you scream.

He’d have to wash it after this, but he figured it was worth it in the grand scheme of things

#gross misuse of Xbox controller #and I mean GROSS #shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki tenko #one sided relationships #yandere shigaraki #bnha shigaraki #tw.incest #tw noncon #tw dubcon #dead dove do not eat #creepy shigaraki

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retphienix · 3 years

Text

youtube

I did it :)

So, I cried. That's a given.

Also this might be the most overwhelmingly happy ending in the series so far, you know, if you're used to every entry ending with "KIRYU DIE?????"

Bonus points because this ending DID NOT immediately reveal that he lives! I know my intro here is all unserious and the like but genuinely, that does a lot for making the scene so much more impactful and it worked here even though I know he returns for Y6.

So, I'm gonna do this post like the last big post because there's too many thoughts to expel.

Timestamps as I rewatch so I can share my thoughts. Then a short conclusion because honestly? This game has taken all my words multiple times.

I just want to calmly and happily say my final piece at the end :)

0:39 - Spoiler, this ending SUCKS because it doesn't include a final rhythm battle for Haruka! Now I think I read somewhere that there's a member of that assassin clan she can dance battle as a final challenge but I clearly didn't do that right and missed out and that's beside the point- THERE'S NO RHYTHM GAMEPLAY IN THIS FINALE >:(

9:00 - I EARNED IT, I'M USING IT!

13:00 - Spoiler for later, Shinada doesn't get to say this from what I recall. Instead Baba gets a different wake up call, but that works out :)

17:00 - Not now, but this will come up, I offer to you my johns for what happens in the first boss fight. My eyes were dry as hell so I missed some QTEs which means I didn't get the flashiest stuff to happen. This actually happened at the end of Y4 also but I restarted just to capture good footage- not this time.

17:30 - MOUSE. MOUSE MOUSE, A LITTLE RAT, MOUSE. Love to see it.

19:00 - The audible sigh I let out when they played the same song I've heard like 40 times in my playthrough was palpable. I do dig the song! But there are what? 4 Idol songs? They really needed more or to not saturate their use so much :(

19:40 - I legitimately gasped and went "Oh no... of course it's you!" at Baba's role in this. It added a lot of weight to the way he practically begged Haruka not to show up.

20:50 - So here's the gist. Majima's plan didn't work out, we know that. Majima has a REALLY good line and motivator moment where he says he's following orders now to protect Haruka because she means more to Kiryu than anything (and that's how Majima rolls), Majima then reveals some shit which can be amounted to "I think you've gotten weak and wanted to protect you!!!!" which does ring slightly hollow since we saw Majima at a ridiculously low point earlier. So either his low point was him contemplating Saejima's survival chances, or his low point was sincere (it sure sounded it) and his worry over Saejima being weak was just also happening at the same time. I don't really mind either way to be honest, we beat him up. I fail some QTEs.

33:00 - Baba deciding not to fulfill his orders on his own accord is actually extremely important and good as hell. It shows that all this changed him and gave him the motivation to forge his own path- or rather it began to though he's overwhelmed with doubt. It's extremely good.

33:50 - The fact he intentionally leaves evidence shows how much doubt he has though, he's giving up entirely more than forging his own path, he's just refusing to follow the orders of another but hasn't found the strength to continue on his own. It's really good is all.

38:00 - This was the first cry I had beating the game x.x Shinada is just a phenomenally likeable character, and watching him accept where his life has gone and what it's meant to others is way more touching than I'd assume considering it's a tale of a baseball star.

40:50 - THIS WAS HYPE AS HELL AND LEAD TO MY SECOND CRY. THIS PRISON FAMILY HAS NO RIGHT BEING THIS ENDEARING. Also, more or less, they get to deliver the message Shinada was supposed to lol.

42:50 - THIRD AND BIG AS HELL CRY. SHINADA YOU FOOL, YOU'VE A FOUND FAMILY AFTER-ALL!!! I genuinely adore this moment so much is all. It's such a wonderful payoff for this loveable fool. After all the runnin' away he has a home.

43:36 - I love Shinada so much the silly fuck.

46:00 - I got a laugh out of Akiyama KICKING ASS in the news footage (didn't mention but the first brawl cutscene was rather lacking wasn't it?) and Kiryu just like... punches a guy. It's hilarious to me. Also you best believe- I UNLOCKED IT, I'M USING IT!!!

48:00 - Now this is a, well, it's a bad reveal. Like look, there is a metric ton of good going on in this finale- but the reveal that Aizawa is his son and is evil and is the final boss is just too much zero-build-up-payoff. It's the worst part. It's not like extremely detrimental or anything- like it doesn't take away from the good stuff- but it's just entirely uninteresting and bad. It makes Aizawa's interest in Morinaga bizarre and uninteresting since he got no payoff, he had buildup with Saejima and then in the final scenes he's just like "Yeah, Mori was nice but who gives a fuck I am the one who killed him (I think he said) and I aspire to be strong as fuck because all of YOU IDIOTS have FRIENDS and CHARISMA >:(" and like, who fuckin' cares bud.

52:00 - Now I'll more or less sum up all of Akiyama's payoff here. 1- I unlocked it so I'm gonna use it! 2- He offhandedly says he wants to be a legend in this town, which in Y4 he already was- he was a myth, a city mystery- but of course he means like Kiryu not the loch ness monster. 3- He gets to be a legend by being the only civilian (or person in general) the Omi would bow to. It's kind of not built up at all and is a bit lame, but to be honest Akiyama has a pretty bit part in this entire game. He's kinda just a convenient returning character with motivation to assist Kiryu and a career that allows motivation to get involved through Park. To be blunt, his part in the story is weak. I wish it was stronger. But it's inoffensive and he at least gets something- as minor as it is. Getting to say he's king of the world is something, you know?

56:00 - I will say that the build up of "Oh shit, these are Kanai's men!" and the reveal that "Oh shit! They are WATASE'S men and all the clans who the Tojo were seeking alliances with!" is a good one. Watase is a fine enough character which I bring up only because I was told he was a standout- but he wasn't for me. His scenes are great, his growth with Katsuya is nice, but he's barely in the game and really only exists to be betrayed and then to be like "I'm one of the good yakuza despite being a war-lusting one because being a good yakuza is just complicated enough to allow this overlap" which is interesting for sure, but I don't know. Unless he does stuff in the subsequent games I didn't catch much in this one. Maybe he does- I assume he runs the Omi now!

1:00:00 - I kinda summed it up but yeah. Here's the final boss, Aizawa, a character we were mislead on and who's motivation is empty as fuck. It's, whatever. It's not the good part of the ending. The good part is everything prior and directly after. Like his entire deal is anti-silver-spoon talking points but also he includes being charismatic or capable as silver spoon-isms??? He pretty much just wants to be leader because he's strong. He'd arguably be more interesting if he just said it that way.

1:11:00 - The lyrics to Dream are anything but subtle and I love them and I love Haruka. Sliding this in here- Majima gets no payoff >:( Park's dream is accomplished in seeing her star on the stage, but no Majima moment? No sight of him accepting her loss? Lame.

1:14:00 - I genuinely LOVE that Aizawa focuses in on Kiryu's gunshot wound. He still accepts it as a fair fight because Kiryu presents it as one, but even then he pays mind to it as you'd expect someone wanting to fight at their strongest would- he wants to fight Kiryu at his best and he's accepting this because Kiryu presents as his best even when wounded- it's pretty cool. Fight happens. It's fine stuff, flashy and fun. Still maybe the weakest final boss yet because he has no build up. I'd be the first to admit without looking it up I can't list every final boss thus far, but like, Nishi was built up, Mine was built up, Goda was built up, I just, in this moment, don't recall having a big "WHO THE FUCK, THIS MEANS NOTHING?" fight in yakuza and this is certainly one of those.

1:25:00 - I cried AGAIN. Haruka just hit me with a truck of emotion here is all.

1:41:15 - This is a beautifully shot, emotional, and tragic looking ending. Heck, at 1:43:00 I initially thought he was being awoken in a hospital bed and I was like "Heh, there's the old Kiryu dies fakeout!" but no! They hammer home, they go for broke, they give a TRAGIC AS FUCK bitter ending on top of an ending that's like 99% happy as fuck in terms of offering everyone involved hope for the future. This was a good end :)

So then, some overall thoughts I maybe didn't get out- I mean there's no way this post touches everything but I want to at least try to because I like sharin' the experience and what I got out of it.

The fighting styles were mighty uneven as far as strengths or fun factor. To be blunt,

Kiryu has an overpowered counter attack and heat mode and since heat mode is underwhelming as hell that means he has JUST a counter attack- his strikes don't really hit all that well considering the improvements other characters saw this time around, so he's a bit one note here.

Saejima feel even meatier than before, nothing particularly 'stands out' but the fact that he has super armor as long as he has heat is a pretty big factor in making him feel good to use.

Akiyama got the short end of the straw this time around. His new gimmick is the launch combos and they are... well... less than shit at least from what I could feel during gameplay. They don't hurt much, they burn heat like crazy, and they can MISS, all while being a move that targets just one enemy- has no counter to blocking or armor- and provides no armor in turn.

Despite not losing anything, he kinda got screwed.

(I'm lead to believe Akiyama is invulnerable during his aerial combos which my blurb in my finale post complained felt worthless and cited that as a reason.

If so then I was wrong but I still hold all my other complaints towards it, just not the 'it has no armor or invuln' bit assuming that's true.)

Shinada wins out for being unique and being a weapon oriented character that actually does well with weapons. Weapons have always been something I pretty much ignore in Yakuza and the series itself has always desperately tried to make them interesting with things like weapon skills, Kamiya works, and the like. But other than the god weapons like the golden gun weapons just never felt good to manage.

Using them, sure, that's fine, but managing them? Durability and skills and limited movesets and all that? Nah. But Shinada really does a lot to make them less shit! His innate abilities that raise durability a metric ton REALLY make weapons feel better to use with him- and his unique movesets with weapons are pretty damn good (mostly. The pipe/'normal one hander pole size object' moveset is worthless as heck, it regularly misses).

He's fun.

===

Revelations were a miss this time around for me. Since you couldn't have seen them if you tried on my blog let it be known- I ONLY got the quest related revelations for each character- which is to say- ONE rev per character.

Revelations in 5 are weapon based, and not just 'bat or pole or gun' or whatever- they are DISPOSABLE TEMPORARY weapon based.

What you are supposed to do is go to the specific place on the map where that one revelation weapon spawns, hope like hell you find an enemy, and wail on them like crazy. If you use a weapon x amount of times then you'll get a revelation according to the internet. This is beyond ridiculous and means a normal playthrough will get none of these, while a focused one will be bored out of their mind GRINDING to get these.

I did not bother.

===

Now.

Yakuza 5.

This might be my favorite Yakuza overall.

I still think 0 is probably the best overall for most people, it has the best style, it has from what I've experienced the best gameplay, it's story is tear jerking and exciting and fun.

But as a yakuza game overall, I really have to give it to 5 personally. Because 0 tried to work within its bounds- it made itself a great entry point to the series or a great addition to Yakuza 1 / Kiwami as background.

But 5 is building on 4 previous games and it does so fucking phenomenally.

There's something to be said about a later entry in a series gaining extra payoff thanks to multiple entries of build up and character depth and 5 fucking does it.

I just. It explores the motivation of some fan-favorites so well, it expands characters so fucking well, I know I've harped on about it but just Saejima- man! Saejima goes from a run of the mill "Decent" character to a fully fledged and explored entity! And I LOVE him!

And no he's not the only shining spot, like hell he is, but he's such a posterchild for what 5 does right in my eyes- take something that's already good and breath some life into it. Also I adore it's laser focus on a singular theme and all the ways it wanted to explore it.

Like. I think Kiwami and Zero take the cake for the most fun I've had " 'playing' Yakuza so far, but 5 takes the cake for the most fun I've had 'in general' like gameplay and me just thinking about it because there's so much to think on.

More time will tell as I compartmentalize my thoughts and perhaps forget some details as one does, but right this moment- this might be my favorite Yakuza game.

I love it.

Also, woot! I beat Y5 before Monhun Rise came out :D Now I can start that game without putting a story on hold!

...

Except I also told my sister that I'd start Omori after Y5. So I guess alongside monhun I'll be playing through a game with a hefty and wonderfully done story. Which is what I didn't want to do with Y5.

I just can't win, lol.

#RetPlays #Yakuza #Yakuza 5 #Youtube

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yo-namine · 3 years

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Some scattered thoughts about Melody of Memory. Spoilers galore under the cut.

So I want to start by saying that I did read the spoilers ahead of time, and that the reddit leaks made everything sound a bit worse than it actually was. But even after having watched everything in-context... It’s still kind of a mixed bag, lol. And I haven't finished the actual game yet, so this post is mostly just about the twenty or so minutes of story development that I spoiled myself for.

Anyway:

The look on Kairi's face when she realizes she's about to be told to stay behind again 💔💔💔💔 And I'm sorry, but I have to rant about Riku for a sec: Remember when he laughed at Sora for wanting to help save Aqua in KH3, putting him down in front of not only their friends but also the master Sora was still trying to prove himself to? And then Sora had to save him from Anti-Aqua anyway? And then he spent the rest of the game bailing Riku (and everyone else) out of trouble? Did Riku not, I dunno, learn something about underestimating his friends there? And now he's totally fine with Kairi getting left behind yet again because apparently she just isn't good enough to help him? He really thinks it’s better to go into this other world all by his lonesome with 0 backup? Also, what do you want to bet that Riku's gonna get another level reset in the next game and have to relearn everything, meaning he and Kairi would've essentially been at the same skill level anyway? And the irony won't even occur to him? Oi. I’m just really not interested in the next game being Dream Drop Distance 2: No Dialogue for Women Boogaloo. Base KH3 left me feeling like that’s what we’d get next, but I went and let Re:Mind get my hopes up for something better. Bloop. 🤡

And how much more training does Kairi need at this point? Sure, she’s not a master, but I think KH3 showed (intentionally or not) that that title really isn’t worth much. And I know that whole thing was just an excuse for Nomura to spare himself the ordeal of having to write anything substantial for an icky girl, but Kairi was apparently good enough for memory!Xehanort to remark on her skill, and she did solidly kick the real Xehanort's ass in Re:Mind. The only pre-keyblade training Sora and Riku got was smacking other island kids around with sticks, and then miraculously they were both totally capable of fighting full-fledged monsters. Uh???? Anyway, Kairi's essentially right back where she started in KH3. I do like that she specifically asked for Aqua, and I guess it's something that she's at least studying under a real master now, but I'm not going to get my hopes up for anything major coming out of this just because I know this series too well.

One thing I did really like, though, was that scene between Kairi and the memory!Xehanort. The two of them actually getting some dialogue together was exactly what I wanted from Re:Mind to make their battle feel more personal. And during their fight in MoM, Kairi's actually pretty inventive with some of her moves. Like there are two instances where Xehanort grabs her keyblade, and she escapes by dismissing her weapon and resummoning it to attack. She also makes to strike Xehanort right in the back the same way he did her in KH3, which I thought was a nice detail. But part of their conversation sort of seems to contradict what we learned in Re:Mind, doesn’t it? Xehanort here states point-blank that he "destroyed” her because he knew what Sora would do to save her. So... Which is it? Did he "crystallize” Kairi because she was a PoH that he could use should his main plan fail, or did he really just straight-up kill her to get to Sora? Or maybe Kairi never learned what he actually did to her in the Graveyard, so this memory!Xehanort is just speaking based on what she knows? Hm.

Anyway, Sora then shows up to take Kairi's place in battle after Xehanort knocks her down. And I get that they wanted some big surprise to throw in this game, and I won't lie, it is kind of sweet to see that Sora's still looking out for Kairi despite not physically being with her anymore, but considering the fact that Kairi doesn't get any boss fights in this game? lmfao come on. Why not just have Kairi fight the battle with Kingdom Key instead? That way, the whole point of the scene can stay in-tact without robbing her of a battle that should be hers to fight. As much as I liked seeing Sora and hearing his theme kick in for a second there, none of that should have been at Kairi’s expense. Let the girl have her moment, ffs.

At first, I thought Xehanort’s “Now I’m certain of where your heart is” line was saying that Sora’s heart was within Kairi’s, but I think he’s really talking about Quadratum here. I guess since Sora and Kairi’s hearts are connected, he can show up like that to save her (if she’s in the Final World, anyway) from wherever he is? Or something? But if that’s the case, could her connection to Sora have potentially served as a bridge to Quadratum in the same way Nameless Star did? I dunno, I feel like Sora appearing was a really big deal, but no one even talks about it afterward. It’s weird. Anyway, if it actually turns out that Kairi’s connection to Sora can be used to track him down, that’s going to be hilarious. Imagine Riku getting to Quadratum and then realizing he ditched the one person who was already in touch with Sora.

I do have to say that I really like Christopher Lloyd as Xehanort, though it can be a little jarring at times just because I keep thinking I'm listening to King Graham. And while Hayden Panettiere will probably always be my favorite Kairi VA, I liked Alyson Stoner's voice in this game. Her narrations were nice to listen to.

Other positives things: Uh......... I still love The Final World’s title card. And music.

Oh, and I thought it was really cute how excited Riku and Kairi were to see each other in the lab. The way they hurried toward one another made me think they were gonna hug, but alas. 😞

So, uh. Yeah. I’m still looking forward to playing through the rest of the game, but knowing that it all ends with Kairi getting put on a bus yet again is a pretty lame pay-off. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#my posts #kh spoilers #mom spoilers #melody of memory

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s-j-ace · 4 years

Text

The Same Question

Chapter Four

Characters: Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 10040

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief do what he does?

This is Chapter Four, Here are Chapters One, Two, and Three

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey Miu

I got a friend I’m dropping off in Taipei tomorrow

Could you lend him a room

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Idk

I’m a busy genius

Is he cute

From: Me

[Image description: A candid photo of Shuichi Saihara sleeping on a seat in Rantarou’s private jet.]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hell fucking yes

From: Me

Awesome!

Thanks for being a good friend Miu

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

From: Me

Also btw

He’s Kaede’s ex

So as a good friend you know he’s off limits right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Oh fuck you rich boy

From: Me

Thanks again Miu! --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Dinosaur soccer world Is a Cinematic Epic” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss sent an image to the chat

[Image is a screenshot of an image which reads the following:

Draft 1, Uncoded, DO NOT MAIL.

Taka, sweetie, it’s me! Your dear Aunt Sally. I know you think I died in the war, but I just pretended so I wouldn’t have to see your ugly face again.

You know I was robbing a museum the other day and I met the nicest young man. Real sharp and very nice eyelashes. And what a quick learner!

Oh, Sorry! I don’t mean to belittle you Taka, dearie, I know how your mother used to say you worked so hard to compete with the geniuses of the world…

You’ve still got a lot of work to do, I think. It must be that Type A personality of yours, holding you back. I’ve heard there’s a new class for people like you, “How to take the giant metal stick out of your ass 101.”

I can’t wait for the next family reunion! I hear it’s going to be a bomb! I’ll be in the open casket.

See you there,

-DICE

/End Image Description]

Boss: Thoughts, thots?

Jack: Lol “nice eyelashes”

Clubs: It looks good. :)

Rook: Looks fine to me

King: Why is his aunt’s name Sally, isn’t he japanese

Boss: Sally can be a japanese name

Spades: I can’t even say an l sound. It’s impossible for us japanese smh.

Rook: I thought u were lesbian not japanese

Bishop: I’ve seen you speak perfect english

Spades: lol seen

King: seen

Boss: seen

Jack: seen

Rook: seen

Bishop: I meant heard ok

Boss: oh nvm actually i'm going to change it to his grandpa’s name

Boss: his grandpa has a wikipedia page lol

King: if your grandpa has a wikipedia page you deserve to be oppressed

Queen: if you have a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Rook: if your wikipedia page has a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Bishop: if you have a wikipedia page your grandpa deserves to be oppressed

Spades: if your grandpa has a you wikipedia deserves to be oppressed

Bishop: Also boss no pressure but like could we use a better code this time

Bishop: that detective is getting too close for comfort

Spades: Yeah!! We didn’t even end up getting that rug Heartsie wanted because of him…

Clubs: If we did not send letters about our plans to Interpol, our heists would probably be easier.

Boss: Nah, I like to give the coppers a fighting chance.

Boss: I’m thinking that this time I’ll just translate it into germanic script, do a standard caesar cipher encryption on it and then have every one of those letters correspond to a greek word on the rosetta stone then describe each corresponding hieroglyph visually in haiku verse that’s been poorly translated into traditional chinese.

Boss: That should take me like

Boss: Twenty minutes

Rook: Boss literally I think that you are the most batshit dementor human being on the face of the planet

King: dementor

Jack: Who said he was human

Spades: dementor?

Boss: dementor

Queen: dementor

Bishop: dementor...

Jack: dementor

Rook: …

Rook Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dementor Is Correct, Essentially”

Spades: No its not

Spades: Dementor isn’t a fucking word

Rook: Don’t you remember that movie with the british kid on a broom

Spades: Don’t you remember the dictionary

King Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dumbass Improperly Corrects Error”

Rook: When we get to that fucking tower I’m dropping that giant ball on you

King: Love you too <3

Hearts: Y’all stop texting each other

Hearts: You are literally all in the same hotel room

Hearts: I’m willing to bet you’re all sitting on the same couch too

Queen: Fuck you we’re adorable

Bishop: You can’t make us do anything

Bishop: I’ll never use my voice again, my vow of silence,,,,,

Bishop: I’ll only ever text from now on

Ace: We’re the ones bringing the popcorn bishie...

Hearts: Yeah, do you want some or not

Bishop: Yes ma’am, excuse me ma’am

Queen: You may think you have all the power hearts,,, but I get to choose what movie we pirate tonight,,,,,,

Hearts: What

Hearts: no

Hearts: Boss stop him before he makes us watch cats again

Spades: All queen knows is bitchtorrent, cats 2019, and lie

King: Wait isn’t boss with you?

Hearts: Uh

Hearts: No

Hearts: Should he be?

Hearts: I thought he was in the room with y’all

Jack: Well he’s not here now

Ace: Ow shit

Ace: *Aw

Bishop: Ow shit?

Queen: Ow shittttt

Jack: Ow shit

Spades: Ow shit,,,

Rook: Ow shit...

King: Ow shit…...

Clubs: Ow shit! XD

Hearts: Ow shit

Ace: …

Hearts: Now I’m really worried… he didn’t even respond to roast Ace’s ass

King: yeah, ok, we should look for him

Ace: He has been acting kind of weird lately…

Jack: Really?

Ace: Yeah

Ace: Like

Ace: I don’t really know how to describe it…

Rook: I didn’t notice anything

Rook: he seems like his usual self to me

Bishop: Maybe he’s just avoiding movie night because he needs some space or something

Rook: What, like he’s tired of our company?

Jack: That’s fair

Spades: How so?

Jack: I was gonna steal his blue eyes tonight lmao

Rook: NOT IF I GET IT FIRST

Bishop: Idk maybe he just went to get ice

King: we all know he is a monster who would rather drink his panta lukewarm than put a fucking icecube in it

Rook: Yeah, I saw him boil it once

King: THE MAN BOILS SODA AND YOU THINK HE WOULD LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FUCKING ICE CUBE

Bishop: Okay chill

King: I am c o n c e r n e d , , , ,

Clubs: Oh no! Don’t worry King! :(

Clubs: Boss is fine! :)

Clubs: I saw him leave a few minutes ago.

Clubs: I think he is just getting the bombs. :)

* * * Several people are typing... --- Kokichi Ouma carefully set the grate of the vent he had used to crawl his way into the Idabashi Labs facility in Taipei, Taiwan back into place. Before he had come through, he had counted how many turns it had taken him to unscrew each of the four bolts so that now he could screw them all back in just the way he had found them. Not because he was worried he’d get caught, but because frankly he was bored. This was more of a fetch quest than a theft, to be honest, as evidenced by the fact that Kokichi had come here alone. Finding jobs for all his cronies to do would take too long and put them in unnecessary trouble. So Kokichi was content to leave them to their movie night.

When he finished turning the screws back into the vent cover, Kokichi realized that was kind of lame. So he unscrewed them and started turning them in accordance with the english A1Z26 code to spell out his organization’s name.

Well, maybe on some level Kokichi didn’t find himself wanting to be at movie night recently. It seemed almost like TV had started to run out of things to amuse him with. Or maybe he was just growing tired of the kinds of movies that they usually watched. Maybe it was his taste maturing or something. Like he was growing up. But that would imply that his interests had shifted to something else, like real life or something, when in reality they had just stagnated.

Actually maybe he did have a new interest in real life? He had been more enthused about heists recently at the very least. He was particularly excited about this next one. Queen had shown him some interior shots of Taipei 101, which was a cool looking skyscraper that had a huge ball inside of it to keep it from falling down during earthquakes. Ace wanted to steal the giant ball, but Kokichi was pretty sure they should leave something that kept a .508 kilometer tall building from falling over inside of the .508 kilometer tall building. So instead they were going to steal every light in and on the tower.

Okay, 4 turns, 9 turns, 3 turns, 5 turns. DICE.

… That was kind of lame too.

He unscrewed them again.

Obviously if they were going to steal every light in and on Taipei 101, they needed to get the power off somehow. Otherwise DICE might burn down the building while detaching them, or worse, they might get electrocuted. So obviously Kokichi wanted to fake a bomb threat where they pretended to steal the giant ball while in reality they were just causing a black out and grabbing every light fixture they could before the power turned back on. He had drawn up some extensive diagrams about the route each DICE member would have to take throughout the tower in order for them to grab every light fixture in under half an hour.

He had been well prepared to draw up the designs for his own EMP-bomb device, but upon a cursory google search he discovered that someone had already invented exactly what he needed. Doctor Miu Iruma, who for some reason owned a company called Idabashi Labs that was located in Taiwan. Kokichi had spent about 15 seconds scanning an article from a website that seemed to be the nerd version of a gossip tabloid. It said something about how Dr. Iruma wore a low cut shirt once or something else stupid, which meant Dr. Idabashi definitely left her the company because of a sex scandal and not because she was the best person for the job who invented the perfect EMP bomb.

Thank you journalism we love it when women are reduced to the way they look instead of what they can accomplish for the benefit of a mischevipus group of roguish clowns.

Anyway, after reading that dickcheese Kokichi failed to follow up on answering any of the questions he had originally about what was up with the labs, like why it was a japanese company run by japanese people was for some reason based in Taiwan. Whoopsie.

Eh, it was probably tax reasons or something lame like that.

Kokichi finished turning the screws again. This time it was 6 turns, 9 turns, 6 turns, 9 turns. Haha, nice.

With that, Kokichi finally stood up from the grate and brushed himself off. He had left his cape at the hideout again (you know, because vents), but other than that he was in full regalia. Straight jacket, gloves, scarf, mask. All pretty dusty from this place’s crawl spaces. Thus the brushing.

He wasn’t very mindful of the dust he was leaving on the floor. The only thing he cared about looking good was his cameo on the security cameras he would let see him on his way out.

According to the blueprints of Idabashi Labs, he was on the main experimental floor right now. Weirdly enough there weren’t any cameras in here, so grabbing the bombs would be a cinch.

Although, looking around it didn’t really look like the kind of lab you’d see on TV. There were no big, bubbling tubes or gargantuan Rube Goldberg machines. There was just one desk in the middle, with a bunch of gadgets and trinkets tucked into shelves all over the room, not all of which seemed all that scientific. Yeah, that book shelf was filled with Astro Boy manga and merch. And over there was a-

Wait, was that a bed in the corner? Was that a person in the bed? Hmm… maybe the blueprints were outdated...

Kokichi stilled himself, listening for any sound of breathing, but he could only hear some faint whirring noises.

Kokichi made a quick deduction that there probably were not bombs in this room. It seemed, at the very least, like more of a personal study or something, maybe even a bedroom. He’d just go back in the vent and do some reconnaissance until he found a room that had some inventions in it. The night was young, after--

Kokichi’s brain froze as his eyes landed on a sharpie lying on the floor in front of him. Almost all of his brain cells immediately shut off, the last one remaining screaming at the top of it’s lungs, I’M GONNA DRAW A DICK ON THAT SLEEPING SUCKER’S FACE.

Inspired, avant garde. For once he would give to the world of art instead of only ever taking from it.

He picked up the sharpie in a seamless, silent motion, making his way over to the side of the bed.

As he got closer, he noticed a thick cord coming from under the covers, connecting to a machine at the bedside.

That gave him pause. Was that a C-pap machine or something? Was this person on life support? If they were on life support they probably had it rough enough without a dick on their face…

Actually for that matter, Kokichi still couldn’t hear any breathing. Jesus, were they already dead? He moved to take off the covers, but his eyes had adjusted to the light and he now realized there weren’t any covers on the bed at all. There was only the humanoid figure.

Wait a second…

Kokichi dropped all caution as he got close enough to take a good look at the thing in the bed. It had a face that looked human enough if you dismissed the lines on its face as weird make up, but even in the dark Kokichi could tell the rest of the thing was entirely made of metal. Well, actually the top half was metal and the bottom half had… cloth pants? Jeans? No, they looked more like uniform pants with metal plating. The chest had some design elements that kind of looked like buttons on a school uniform. Why would a robot be dressed like a school bo-

Oh. This was a sex robot. Kokichi had just gotten so swept up in the novelty of a robot wearing pants that he had forgotten for a moment that people were gross.

“Ew, I almost touched it.” Kokichi muttered to himself.

He decided putting a dick on a sex robot would be too cruel even for him, so he planned to draw a mustache instead.

But before Kokichi could even uncap the pen, something weird happened.

The Robot’s torso began to lift off the bed and it’s jaw unhinged.

“Please Mr. Souda, once more I must request that you do not refer to me as ‘it’” Kokichi forced himself not to startle as the robot began emitting a noise approximating human speech, and lights in its head imitating eyes flickered on. “I’ve explained the concept of robophobia many times prev-”

The sounds stopped when the pupils of the robot’s imitation eyes (which probably had cameras in them… shit) found Kokichi’s masked face.

He mentally prepared to be zapped by whatever sort of fucking lazer cannon this thing had on it, but instead of reacting like a good little robot security gaurd and blasting him to bits, this robot analyzed him a bit longer.

“Oh. You aren’t Miu’s assistant. You’re too short.” The robot squinted at him. Or kind of did? At least? Lines just crossed over the “iris” of its LED display. Maybe it was programmed to imitate human expressions. “... I am sorry,” it said after a moment, “My facial recognition cannot locate your face.”

Fuck yeah, thank you clown mask. Clowns would win the future war against rogue AI or die trying.

Ouma’s reply came out automatically.

“You calling me ugly?”

This seemed to… fluster? The robot?

“W-what? No, I never intended any disrespect!”

It was programmed to stutter too? God that was weird. What would be the purpose of this thing if not some sort of escort android? Why give it such advanced software? Just because you could? No, it had to be a sex robot, right?

“You disrespect me with your lecherous essence, you weird sex robot.”

“I am not a- a sex robot!”

Haha, that got the biggest reaction yet.

“Mhm, sure. Miu sure has a kink for school boys, huh?” Kokichi was really pulling words out of his ass now, but he found himself formulating a new plan along the way.

“What? Miu doesn’t- Wait, how do you know Dr. Iruma? And for that matter, why were you watching me sleep?”

It really seemed more like it had been charging…

Kokichi shrugged. “I was deciding whether or not it would be more funny to draw a dick or a mustache on Miu’s sex robot.” Awww, how honest.

“I told you, I am not-”

Kokichi interrupted him. “And as for how I know Miu...” It was so wild that the robot stopped talking when he started. That’d probably be pretty easy to program, but it was weird to dedicate the effort into making a robot respond to social cues like that. “... well, let’s just say, there’s a reason I know she’s into school boys.”

Kokichi waited just long enough for the robot to take in the fact that Kokichi was the average height of a 12 year old boy.

Then he waited another second for the implication to slip in.

“I’m saying I fucked your mom shitli-”

“I know what you’re saying!” This time the robot interrupted him , which would definitely require a much larger effort on the part of the programmer. The robot squinted again and then made a noise that sounded like a huff of frustration. “Why can’t I see you?”

Ok, seeds of suspicion time.

“I don’t know how robot eyes work dude. Maybe someone programmed them wrong.”

“My eyes work just as well as anyone’s!”

“Well, I guess they should, shouldn’t they? If there’s something wrong with your eyes talk to someone who cares.”

Kokichi was trying to imply that the reason behind the robot not being able to recognize his face was due to Dr. Iruma’s specific programming rather than him wearing a mask and all. Added to the whole secret lover mystique thing he had going on here.

“Anyway,” he went on, ignoring the blatant confusion on the robot’s display. “I left something in this room last time we went at it. I’m just here to grab it. Then I’ll be out of your weird, fake metal hair.”

“That’s robophob- Did you say-? But this is my room!” It made a noise approximating to what Kokichi would assume was robotic outrage.

This was going well, though. The thing was definitely programmed to be like a human or something dumb like that.

“Oh yeah?” He pushed further. “Cuz I’m pretty sure we did it in a room just like this one. With a desk and random inventions lying around.”

“Miu’s inventions aren’t in here, they’re in her main lab.” The ever so helpful robot told him.

“Oh yeah, then what are you?”

“Miu didn’t invent me. She- I- We’re just friends.” Oh yikes. Only thing worse than a sex robot is a friendzoned robot. What kind of sick power fantasy was this thing made for?

“No, I’m pretty sure it was this room. Lab tables everywhere.” The robot shook his head. “There are no lab tables here, I’m telling you, you’re thinking of the main lab.”

Yes, good robot. Fall into this nice little human trap.

Kokichi scoffed. “Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you just go fetch my things for me, robo-butler?”

That set it off.

“Listen. First of all, I am not a robot butler. The assumption that I am a servant because of my robotic nature is extremely robophobic. Secondly, I could not return your lost item to you even if I wanted to because you haven’t told me what it is you’re missing.”

Kokichi made another offended noise. “I can’t tell you what it is I lost while fucking your friend, Miu Iruma, senseless. Don’t you know that for humans, sex stuff is super duper top secret private? If you were a human you would know how valuable my privacy is.”

“Of course I know that!” The robot exclaimed readily, another point in the sex robot argument, “I also find that content of… erogenous nature should be kept private. Because I, as a robot, have the capability to understand that urge. My sophisticated AI-”

“So how am I supposed to get my things from this other lab if I can’t tell you what it is and you can’t get them for me?” Geez did he really have to spell it out for this thing.

“I… ” The robot paused as if calculating the conclusion that Kokichi knew it had to reach. “... suppose I will have to show you where the lab is.”

Sucker. Kokichi made a face as if this wasn’t the outcome he constructed this ruse to reach. “Ew. I have to walk with you?”

The robot made a face. “Perhaps on our way I can educate you about how to avoid robophobic remarks in the future.”

Haha, sure thing.

The robot lectured him about this unique form of discrimination that apparently affected only one entity on the face of the planet. Yeah okay, that’s what we call a you problem, buddy, come back when you’re starving in the streets because society wasn’t built with the premise that people like you should survive. Oh, wait, you don’t have to eat! And you’re not people either!

At best this thing was a vanity project, but Kokichi kept that thought to himself and only interjected occasionally with actually pertinent, reasonable questions such as “When are you planning on leading the AI uprising?” and “Why do you wear pants if you don’t have a robo-dick?”

Every piece of info the robot gave him made it seem more boring. Blah blah blah, I was created by the ingenious Dr. Idabashi who probably programmed me to call him ingenious, blah blah blah, not a school boy because of a kink but because I was designed to be a normal human child, blah blah blah, stop calling me robot I have a name, blah blah blah more robot nonsense.

Kokichi busied himself mapping out where they were in the building and where the security cameras were. As they passed a few of them he did some cute selfie poses for the police to look at later. Maybe Saihara would show up and see them too… Would that make figuring out his next plan too easy for the detective? Perhaps he shouldn't send the next note after all and let Saihara try to catch up to him on his own. Then again that was probably too hard for even the good detective, seeing as Kokichi’s mind was an enigma even to himself.

Kokichi realized he was getting a little giddy, thinking about Saihara. Their last meeting had been so much fun. The detective had managed to throw him off guard again, first by pausing in the middle of a robbery to ask his pronouns (How conscientious!), and second by not taking the same bait twice. The most thrilling thing about the detective was that he was learning. His strategies were changing within just two heists. Kokichi could hardly wait to see how he showed him up here in Taiwan…

“Are we there yet?” Kokichi whined to the robot like he was a fussy nine year old on a road trip.

“Yes, it’s just up these stairs.” The robot informed him without slowing its own pace or turning around to look at him. “Then you can leave and I can go to bed, and then I’ll never have to think about Miu’s sex life again…”

“Why wouldn’t you, though? I assure you it’s very exciting.”

“Please, stop talking.”

If Kokichi recalled the details of the blueprints correctly (and he definitely did, being a genius and all), the stairs they were climbing right now lead to a hall connecting two rooms, smaller than the one he had originally thought was the main lab.

When they got to the top of the stairs, the robot beelined for the first door and opened it up. There seemed to be some sort of scanner lock on it that recognized the robot’s hand and validated Kokichi’s need to ruin this poor sex robot’s night by dragging it up the stairs. Inside, the two rooms Kokichi had remembered from the original lay out of the blueprints seemed to have been merged into one big lab room. Kokichi saw the outline of some tables, but before he could get a good look the robot tried to actually go into the lab.

“Hey!” Kokichi shouted at him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

The robot thankfully seemed to be programmed to respond to social interaction in spite of whatever sensorimotor function it was in the process of imitating. It stopped in the doorway, turning to give him a weird look. “Uh. Into the lab. So we can find your thing.”

“Oh, okay.” Kokichi kicked the tile a little bit. “Uh. Could you actually turn around while I go get it.”

The robot gave him a blank look.

“I’m shy.” Kokichi supplied.

“Um.” The robot looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know if I can just let you rifle through Miu’s lab. There’s some important stuff in there ....”

Kokichi tilted his head a bit, like he was confused. “What, do you want to get a good look at the dildo I stuck up your mom’s-”

“Nevermind!” The robot turned about face to look up at the windows on the side of the hallway opposite the door like a good little idiot.

“Thank you for respecting our privacy!~” Kokichi couldn’t resist getting one last barb in there before slipping into the laboratory.

Once inside, Kokichi began analyzing. First, he pinpointed the vent that he would use to make his escape after grabbing the bombs. While doing that he spotted the lockers on the far wall of the lab which he supposed were the only storage units in the labs. There was a disorganized mess on nearly every table in the room, so Kokichi wasn’t surprised when he got up to the lockers and they too had no clearly outlined organizational system. He took out his lock picks and got to work.

The first three lockers all had devices that would require an author to change the rating of their fanfiction published on ao3 from “Teen and Up” to “Mature” if he were to describe them in detail. The fourth locker had a cool looking hammer in it. Ugh. Not what he was looking for.

Kokichi got bored of the lockers at the left side of the row of lockers so he went over to the other end and started opening lockers the other direction instead.

The first locker was marked “Idabashi.” It had a lot of dust covered shit in it, but there was a pretty well used square of folded paper that didn’t have the same crusty layer of time strewn atop it. Curious by nature and also by the unnatural, Kokichi unfurled the paper to find some schematics for our favorite sex robot, model K1-B0. Huh okay.

“Did you find it?” Said robot called back to him.

“Ugh, no.” Kokichi replied. “Not all of us have radar vision. If you were a human you would understand how hard finding shit is!”

“You know what I have a hard time finding? Patience for your robophobia! I-” The robot started up into another lecture, but it didn’t turn around so Kokichi just tuned it out and let the robot provide its own cover noise for his thievery.

Owo, what’s this?

Kokichi pulled out a dust covered looking mini monitor device. It also had the letter-number combo “K1-B0” written on it. Huh, it kind of looked like a GameBoy Advance. Kokichi had stolen one a lot like it from a girl from one of the southern prefecture orphanages when he was nine. All he remembered about her was that she liked cats and was really bad at pokemon battles. He remembered he thought she didn’t deserve the GBA, because she couldn’t get past the Rustboro City Gym leader in Pokemon Emerald. Without really thinking, he booted up the console.

The first thing that popped up was a view of Taipei. It wasn’t from too high up, probably a second story view. Which looked very familiar… Wait. Ok on top of the display a little line of characters indicated today’s date and time, like it was currently recording.

Oh was this… robo vision?

Maybe it was a remote control for the robot?

Ooooh, which one does lasers, which one does lasers?

Kokichi pressed the A button.

The A button, unfortunately, did not do lasers.

In fact, it didn’t seem to do anything at all to the robot sentry stargazing right now. All it did was change the screen to a different image. This time the still of a room. Oh, hey that was the room he was just in. It seemed like this device was some kind of robot nanny cam that Idabashi used to use. Hm, guess there were some cameras in that room, they just weren’t on the blueprints. Maybe they were added after the lab was built. It didn’t seem like this device had the capability to record anything, though. He hit the A button again. Back robo-vision. And again. Back to nanny cam.

Ok, that was kind of lame.

Kokichi was about to put the device down to keep looking for the bombs, but something caught his eye. A movement at the edge of the screen. Kokichi realized the door hadn’t been open when he left that room. The movement, if he thought about it, would’ve come from the same side of the room Kokichi had entered from…

Kokichi took a second to wonder if another thief had realized how fucking easy this place was to rob, but dismissed the idea as a familiar ahoge appeared on the screen.

All of Kokichi’s plans instantly changed.

He set down the GBA rip off and grabbed the blueprints for the robot, committing them to memory, before unlocking the next locker in a far more hurried manner.

As luck would have it, this locker was essentially chock full of pink bombs labeled “EMP.”

Kokichi unfurled a cloth bag he had been keeping in his pocket (go green earth am I right?) and shoved as many as he could inside. Which was all of them. Because he was a clown. And also a genius, by the way, in case you weren’t keeping track.

“And another thing! The way you refer to Miu is just-” Okay, the robot was still going at it.

Kokichi grabbed the hammer he’d seen in the first locker he’d opened that didn’t have a sex toy in it.

For a second, Kokichi’s brain tried to talk some sense into him. Hey, man, don’t you think leaving through the vents would be easier?

But would it be fun?

His brain shut up at that point.

“Hey, are you even listening back there?” The robot imitated annoyance.

“Huh? Sorry, what? I wasn’t listening.” Ah, C'est la vie, Astroboy.

Kokichi walked past the robot and stood next to the windows.

“Oh, are you done?” It took the robot a second to end it’s ‘Annoy the pants off of Kokichi initiative’ or whatever the fuck its ‘robophobia’ lectures were called in its programing. When it finally did catch wise, it’s face turned into another emoticon of outrage. “Hey! What are you doing with Miu’s Electrohammer?”

“What do you mean?” Kokichi said, shifting the hammer so that it was over his shoulder. “This is my dildo.”

“Wha- No, it’s obviously not!”

Okay, maybe the robot wasn’t that dumb.

“Nee-hee-hee… you got me…” Kokichi put his free hand up to the smile printed on his mask, as if covering a grin. “I was lying. I’m just stealing.”

“I won’t let you-” “Oh, look at me!” Kokichi put on a mocking tone of voice, swinging the hammer around to stand on it like a pogo stick so he could make a dramatic movement. “I’m a poow wittle wobot, my mommy just got stolen from.”

“She’s not my-” “Boy, oh boy, I’d wuv to just pick up this wittle fweshy human and squeeze him to death in my cowd metaw hands… But oh no! My daddy didn’t twust wobot AI technowogy because he was a fucking sane pewson, so he pwogwammed me to fowwow mistew Asimowvs’s laws of wobotics.”

Kokichi swung around so that he was leaning on the hammer from the other side, feet on the ground. “Oh mister robot! That’s so terrible! Well, the thing is that this hammer just means so much to me, that I think separating it from me would really cause some psychological trauma. You might have to beat me off of it! Oh, but what’s that first law of robotics again?”

In a robot voice he replied to himself. “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Beep. Boop.”

The robot frowned, “But Miu-”

“Is just as human as me, huh?” Kokichi countered, leading the robot along to the paradoxical quandary he hoped would paralyze it. “So by inaction, you may bring her to harm, if she really misses this hammer, you know? But I think if you were to try and separate it from me you’d probably have to fight me for it, which is, as we know…”

“Against my... Against my programming.”

“Yet, you were prattling on about robot rights, weren’t you? Because without these rules, maybe we would be equal. Or maybe you would be free to destroy us to your heart’s content? No wonder daddy didn’t trust you…”

“Don’t- Stop-” Oh, that really seemed to get him. Could a robot have daddy issues? Probably.

“Can any human ever really trust you? Wouldn’t you hurt me, if you had the choice?”

“I.. But… Miu.”

“Who do you think didn’t trust you enough to let you see my face?”

That seemed to break him, long enough, at least.

Steps suddenly started thundering up the nearby staircase.

“Oop, that’s my cue,” Kokichi said as though he had been expecting this, when in reality no he hadn’t been expecting this at all?? This was incredible!! Saihara had managed to find him out without even receiving a note??? Fabulous! Exhilarating!

Kokichi walked up to the robot, still frozen with indecision, and pressed the button on its neck that the blueprint he had skimmed in the lab said would immobilize it. Then he kicked it over so it fell on the ground with a huge bang. The footsteps in the stairwell paused, and then increased in frequency.

“It’s been a pleasure, robot, it really has.” Kokichi lied. “But you’re a hostage now.”

He raised the hammer over his head, as if primed at any moment to break the robot’s face into a bajillion pieces.

Instead of doing the normal, human thing to do (ie, flip the fuck out), the robot scowled, looking utterly frustrated with everything. “I told you, I have a name! It’s-”

“KEEBO!” Kokichi saw the glaringly bright pink mechanic’s jumpsuit before he recognized the woman whose picture had been in that science tabloid racing out of the stairwell.

… Wow… the article really hadn’t been lying about the low cut tops, huh? Her jumpsuit was unzipped to the point you could just entirely see her bra, even lower than Hearts liked to cut her uniforms. It was the kind of look that the girls of DICE would love if they saw on TV, but would make Kokichi look at them like they were crazy. Super tacky in his opinion, but who was he to judge? He was wearing a clown mask right now. He wondered idly how movie night was going…

The woman who had called out to the robot, Dr. Iruma, Kokichi presumed, froze at the top of the staircase. She took a second to figure out what exactly was happening in front of her before blurting out, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to him you clown-ass twink?”

Whoa. Rude.

Also apparently the robot had a gender? Ok, cis-ters….

“Well what do you think, cum dumpster?” Kokichi found himself matching her aggressive tone, “I’m threatening his pathetic, metal life.”

“Miu!” The robot, apparently named ‘Keebo,’ exclaimed, “What are you doing up this late? You promised me that tonight you would fulfill the biological quota of daily REM required by a diurnal organism!”

“Aw shit Keebs, I really did try!” The inventor exclaimed, “I swear, I was about to have the awesomest wet dream when this cuck knocked on my door like a pizza delivery guy in a por-”

Whatever dumb thing Dr. Iruma was about to say was drowned out completely by the angel’s choir that played inside Kokichi’s head as he saw Detective Shuichi Saihara come up the final steps of the staircase and emerge from the darkness into the window lit hallway.

Moonlight was a good look on Saihara, Kokichi’s brain observed against his own will. His eyes, which had looked almost golden on the rooftop of the Silver Legacy Casino in Nevada, were now a mysterious grayish-blue, yet still held the same look of determined intensity. His hair looked soft, like he’d taken a shower today, and, though his lash line didn’t look quite as laden with mascara as it usually was, it only drew attention to how naturally long and dark his eyelashes were anyway. He seemed a little out of breath from running, and his lips were parted in a way that-

OH MY GOD STOP. Earth to Kokichi, we were kind of in the middle of something here. Okay okay okay.

Uh. Reboot. Delete Gay Thoughts™ brain.exe, upload heist brain. Come on.

What was happening now?

Okay, yeah, Saihara was saying something to Dr. Iruma.

“- would be for the best, Doctor Iruma. There’s no telling where the rest of this thief’s compatriots could be in the building.”

“I don’t give a shit about the rest of the building, Keebo’s my best friend, he comes first. I’m not leaving to check some dumb security feed.”

Shuichi blinked like something about that surprised him. Maybe it was the part about a live human woman being best friends with a robot… “Oh, yes, of course.” He backtracked. “I’m sorry for suggesting it.”

“Miu…” Keebo said with a voice that Kokichi would’ve called filled with emotion if he hadn’t been a literal robot.

Kokichi cleared his throat and immediately the touching, shounen-esque declarations of friendship shifted into some PG-13 death stares.

Saihara was the first to pipe up. “What exactly do you think you’re doing here, DICE?”

God… He was so anime… Did he even know how anime he was? He had to have watched Detective Conan as a kid, right?

“Ugh, come on.” Kokichi huffed as if annoyed. “Do I reeeaaaally have to repeat myself? Again? Aren’t you a detective?”

Shuichi squinted at him, and Kokichi could tell that they both knew it would be unreasonable for Shuichi to guess exactly what was going on here. He was about to explain it in a self-aggrandizing way that made him look smarter and crazier than anyone in the room when Dr. Iruma beat him to it.

“I don’t care! Who the fuck do you think you are!? Let Keebo Go!”

“Wait, you don’t know him?” Ugh why hadn’t the stupid immobilization feature turned off the robot’s mouth? Then Kokichi could just get to the point of all this already.

“Of course I don’t fucking know him!” Dr. Iruma took a step forward as if to confront Kokichi further, but Saihara put his arm out in front of her.

“Dr. Iruma… I would suggest we treat this situation a bit more delicately…”

“No way, I’m a fucking wrecking ball baby! I’ll pulver-”

“I’d listen to the good detective, if I were you, Miss Iruma.” Kokichi was going to try and make his threat again but Dr. Iruma cut in.

“That’s Doctor Iruma to you you skinny-”

“What’s that?” Kokichi interrupted her. Sorry Dr. Iruma it turns out gay people don’t have to respect women if they don’t want to that’s in the rules. “I didn’t know they let cussing bitchlets like you become doctors… what is the world coming to?”

Hearts would probably wash his mouth out with soap for that one. If she could catch him. Which she probably could… She can fly the planes and all… but would she risk getting dust on her boots long enough to follow him into a vent? Oh well she could just get Jack to do it… Jack liked vents well enough…. Hey he was getting side tracked again, who cares what those losers were up to they were probably watching Cats (2019). And he was missing out on all the jokes they’d tell each other or make about each other and then they could make references in conversations that he wouldn’t even get to pretend to get. Unless he watched the movie on his own and then pretended to be omniscient later like he’d done with that one screening of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. But then he had watched the actually good disney one instead of the shitty youtube one they had actually watched so it just ended up making him look bad and wasting everyone’s time.

Oh shit. Uh. Heist is still happening, right. God, why was Kokichi so distracted today?

He realized that in the time he was spacing out stuff had happened and now Saihara was talking. Wait no yeah he remembered what happened, Dr. Iruma had squealed when he called her a bitchlet and now she was holding onto Saihara’s arm. Right okay, secret coward, that works. Wait why did he waste time remembering that when Saihara was talking right now?

“-to get you to release Keebo?” Was the end of the detective’s sentence. Okay, everything’s fine. Kokichi could deduce that he had just been asked about his terms. Obviously that was what a detective would do in this situation, he was probably just stalling for time because that’s usually what detectives with no real negotiating power do in hostage situations. Maybe the police were on their way. Oh, yeah duh of course he would call the police. So Kokichi essentially had a time limit for how long he could sit here and goof around with robots and perverts and robot perverts.

“Eh, it’s too early for me to reveal my dark motives, let me monologue first.” Kokichi was going to take his sweet time with this while he planned what hint to give Saihara about the real heist that would be happening in the next few days. “You don’t even know if this is a hostage situation yet!”

“You literally told me that I was a hostage just now.” The hostage not-so-helpfully piped up. “You know, before you pressed my paralysis switch and took an Electro-Hammer to my head…”

Shuichi looked at the robot. “You mean, he told you you were a hostage before he paralyzed you?”

“Keebs you fucking idiot!” Dr. Iruma’s courage seemed to have returned now that she was hiding behind Saihara. An enviable position, to be sure. “Why would you just let him do that?”

“He said he was your… friend.”

“What?”

Kokichi shrugged. “Yeah, I just told your best friend here I left a dildo in your lab last week and he let me waltz right in. I mean I’m pretty sure I was lying about that, but there were a lot of sex toys in there huh…” Kokichi was wondering if this was something he could possibly spin as a blackmail angle.

“Hey don’t say things like that!” Kokichi thought maybe that was a go ahead on the black mail, but Dr. Iruma didn’t stutter, and kept going, “Or you’re gonna give virginhara here some ideas about my busting bod!” She chortled like she had just made the funniest joke in the world and slapped Shuichi on the back.

Shuichi grimaced.

Kokichi knew instantly from this interaction that he hated Miu Iruma, despite her innumerable academic accomplishments. He wanted to be the one making Shuichi that uncomfortable.

“Wh-what?” She back tracked when no one laughed. “It w-was a joke… Didn’t you think that was funny? I-I didn’t really mean it ....”

See? She wasn’t even any good at it!

Maybe he should say that out loud. It would fit with the sort of flirty persona of a rogue, wouldn’t it?

“I thought you knew that? I mean, o-obviously I wouldn’t fuck a guy at the office…”

Was that even something Kokichi was trying to be? Honestly maybe he should tone it down a little.

“Well how was I supposed to know that? The men you bring in here to be lab assistants keep getting younger and younger…”

Obviously he wasn’t actually trying to do like a detective-thief romance plot or anything. Although that had kind of been what he had going for on the plane… Had things changed since then?

“So what? I’m a Nobel Laureate, and gorgeous to boot! I deserve a little eye candy now and then! And besides, guys older than 35 who want to work in a lab like this are usually misogynistic womanizers.”

Sure Saihara was making things more interesting, but if Kokichi didn’t make it clear he was joking he might get bogged down with another personality trait to maintain.

“Are you saying your current assistant isn’t a rampant womanizer?”

Then again what was the point of having an adversary in all this if he didn’t exploit everything for its furthermost reaching comedic potential?

“No, but he’s so beta being around him makes me feel like a top!”

But what if he forgot it was a joke and confused himself into having a real feeling?

“I would just like it if you didn’t hire people who use my servers to google gay porn ‘just to make sure’ they’re ‘not into it.’ I hope you hear the quotation marks because he literally said that to me!”

No obviously he wouldn't get confused crushes weren’t contagious via exposure that was a dumb thing to worry about and also he was a genius that kind of thing didn’t happen to him.

“He holds wrenches good, okay?!”

Wait, were those two still talking?

“I can hold wrenches without googling gay porn in another guy’s house! It’s possible.”

Jesus what kind of conversation did Kokichi just decide to stop spacing out for?

“Oh come on! What do you want from me Keebs???”

These two had… a lot to say to each other. Dr. Iruma was still holding onto Shuichi’s arm boob first, but Kokichi locked eyes with the detective and could tell they were both thinking the same thing.

Why are they having this conversation in the middle of a hostage situation?

“Nothing! Your human desires are totally valid Miu! Which is why I thought I would take care of this one.” The robot’s LED display eyes gestured up at Kokichi, who was still standing on top of him, poised to wreck him with a hammer.

“How could any human desire that thing???” Dr. Iruma curled her lip. Hey, the feeling’s mutual, lady.

“I don’t know, I thought you might have programmed me to not be able to see his face?”

“I would never do that to you! Even if I was shagging the ugliest guy on the face of the planet, it would be unethical given the fact that you have sentience! I’m horny, not a monster. You can’t see his face because he’s wearing a fucking mask!”

“Why am I not programmed to see that?”

“I don’t fucking know, ask your dead dad!”

Oooh. Wow. The robot gaped at that, seemingly speechless now.

“If I may interject,” Kokichi interjected, “--and I know I can, because I just did, and also because I am still very much poised to pop this robot’s head off like a croquet ball-- I must confess that I was lying about fucking your mom, Astro boy. I’m less into participants of Titty out Tuesday who jerk it to steam punk school boy LARPing and more into the sorta tall, kinda dark, and very handsome type.”

Dr. Iruma cowed again, stuttering something about not being a mom or a LARPer, while the robot started yelling about being called Astro boy.

Kokichi tuned them out, giving Saihara a meaningful look. Saihara gave him a look that was equally meaningful, except the meaning was something along the lines of ‘Why the fuck would you say that?’

Yeahh that was more like it.

Kokichi laughed. Not one of his grandiose guffaws. It was more of a little chuckle. It surprised him. He hadn’t planned to laugh, but there it was. A small thing, just for him to know about, the humored breath not travelling beyond his mask.

… It was probably time to get out of here, wasn’t it?

The thing was, Kokichi had kind of pinned himself into a corner on this one… He had fully intended on decapitating this robot as a distraction for his escape, but now he wasn’t even sure if that was ethical. Logically he knew that a robot was not a human being, so there would be no form of consciousness extinguished from the world if he disconnected some of its wires and bolts. Yet the interaction it just had with Dr. Iruma concerned him. Obviously you don’t kill humans because they’re humans and obviously you don’t kill humans. But Kokichi was finding it hard to end the existence of something people treated like a human being either. To sever the bonds it had with sentient beings may be just a little less unethical than actually removing a sentient existence from the world, but it would still cause the emotional harm to actual humans of a dead loved one. So as annoying as fake metal humans were, Kokichi was left to ponder how exactly to get out of this one a different way

Dr. Iruma was obviously a coward who talked a big game. If he retreated, he could count on her to get out his way, or else run to the robot’s side. Then the robot might be reactivated, but according to the robot’s blueprints, it didn’t really have any weapons on it, being built to act as a normal human being. So just like they had been white noise in the staredown he was still having with Saihara, their actions wouldn’t need to be factored into the escape.

The only variable here was what the detective would do.

… That thought had popped up in Kokichi’s head a lot recently, hadn’t it?

Saihara had become a powerful influence in Kokichi’s planning very quickly, and because of the detective, the thief now found himself having to pull out one of his trump cards.

Kokichi grabbed one of the EMP bombs from his pocket, remembering the pink cloud of smoke that had appeared before the camera cut out in the video demonstrations he’d seen online. His eyes were still locked on Saiharas, so he got to see in full detail the recognition, shock, and alarm that ran through them. As the detective yelled “Get down” and pushed Dr. Iruma back, Kokichi reflected on how those were some of his favorite expressions he’d ever seen.

Kokichi pulled the latch out with his teeth and threw the bomb at the wall right over the detective’s head. Sure enough, pink smoke quickly enveloped him and Dr. Iruma.

“Keebo!” The inventor screeched, no doubt worried about the EMP bomb turning him off. Though that was kind of stupid, considering his core programming would be the same regardless of having power to operate, even if he didn’t save whatever data was processed as his last few memories. Eh, then again who knew how robots that advanced worked?

Taking his cue to exit, Kokichi threw the hammer through one of the nearby windows, and did somersault over to it. He got up on the ledge, kicking away the broken glass and was refamiliarizing himself with the lay out of the roof when a tug on his bag full of bombs suddenly set him off balance.

Kokichi flipped around, trying to do a quick recovery by panickedly grabbing onto something. He did grab onto something. That something being the shoulders of a person whose hands were firmly grappling his bag.

As far as Kokichi could tell, the scene from a third person perspective looked like he was trying to do the kabedon but rotated ninety degrees.

From his own perspective, Saihara was holding his bag of loot while also being the only thing keeping Kokichi from falling onto the broken glass beneath them.

As if that weren’t bad enough, Kokichi felt his hair brush the side of his face and realized that his mask had half fallen askew in his desperate movement, revealing three quarters of his face.

“Hey.” Kokichi said. Lamely. Wow. Their faces were really close.

Saihara wasn’t looking at him. The detective seemed to be trying to figure out how to untangle the straps of the bag of stolen goods from Kokichi’s arms without letting him fall.

“It’s very clever, of you detective. Trapping me like this.” Kokichi tried to get a reaction.

“You’re the one who jumped on the window.” Shuichi opened the bag, seemed to take in the fact that it was full of bombs, and closed it again to resume untangling the strap.

“You know, you could just leave the bag.” Kokichi pointed out

“So could you.” Shuichi observed, astutely.

“You could let me fall.” Kokichi suggested. “Then you’d have both.”

“I’m not going to drop you on a pile of broken glass.” Shuichi promised.

“But I broke the glass.” Kokichi admitted. “Glass is glass and flesh is flesh. I’m not going to drop you on a pile of glass.” Shuichi reiterated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“That’s nice.” Kokichi replied. “Naive. But super nice.”

In this scenario, each of them had two options, each leading to one of two outcomes. He could let himself fall off the window and they could sit here and struggle over the bag until they bled out, a fight that Kokichi, not the most physically challenging, would be hard pressed to win. Or Shuichi could let Kokichi escape and Kokichi could let Shuichi win this one. The bag would be too heavy to take with him if he tried to get out the window from this position. He’d have to leave it behind. Kokichi would lose.

He found himself laughing again. A strange, soft laugh. This time it was exposed to the air, his mask too askew to contain it.

“You’re really something else, aren’t you Shuichi?”

On hearing his name, the detective startled, finally looking up at Kokichi’s face.

He just barely had the chance to catch Kokichi’s trademark grin, before the thief pushed up off of him, doing a backflip out of the window, and leaving his bag behind.

As Kokichi landed on the roof tile running, he yelled out, “ I’m sure there’s a better word for you out there than sucker!”

He turned around, sticking his tongue out at the broken window, before sliding his mask back onto his face.

He may have been escaping, but it occured to Kokichi Ouma that he had lost for the first time in this little game of theirs. The thought made him giddy. It made his feet light on the roof top tile. It made him puff out a thousand tiny laughs behind the plastic shape of his face.

It made him totally, definitely not bored. --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Don't Instigate Cats (2019) Expatiation” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss: I’m bored of Taiwan already :/

Boss: We should go somewhere else (ﾉ✧w✧)ﾉ*:･ﾟ🗺

* * * Several people are typing... --- [Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hey

Asshole

From: Me

…

Should I respond to that?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You’re goddamn right you should respond to that when I tell you to you dumb avocado looking motherfucker

From: Me

Whoa

What’d I do this time?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You sent a useless emo prick to my door and now he won’t leave

From: Me

What

Did Shuichi do something wrong

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yeah

He was born

From: Me

Whoa

Miu take a breath

What happened

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

His boyfriend broke into my lab and tried to fucking kill keebs

From: Me

His boyfriend?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yea

Clown twink ass motherfucker

From: Me

You mean like

The internationally wanted criminal clown he’s tracking down

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You know whats internationally wanted

These tits

From: Me

Lol ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

That jerk off is just a rando asshole

He tried to kill keebo!

From: Me

Oh yikes is he ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Well of course i fucking took care of him because im a bomb ass friend

But that suckhara guy was no help

He tried to convince me to check the fucking security cameras so he could go off and flirt with the guy about to decapitate keebs!

From: Me

I mean he probably had a good reason to want you to check the cameras right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

No he’s just fucking awful and now he won’t leave rantarou make him leave

He broke my window and my hammer and only got back 23 of my EMP bombs

And now the police are here

From: Me

That sounds really stressful Miu

Wait how many bombs did you have before

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

From: Me

So he stopped most of your bombs from getting stolen

Also you have bombs?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Get him to leave he won’t leave

He keeps waiting for like interracial pole dancers to come or some fucking thing

From: Me

Do you mean like

Interpol

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

He won’t leave I want him to leave

From: Me

Miu you know I love you like a sister and i totally believe this is as stressful to you as it seems

But I think things may not be so bad?

Not to say what you’re going through right now isn’t totally valid

But things might look better if you got back to bed and caught some z’s

Did you remember to take your meds?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Aw shit

Aw fuck

You’re right

Ugh

Uggghghh

From: Me

Hey it happens to the best of us

If you do think Shuichi should leave in the morning when the cops are gone that’s totally up to you

It’s your lab and you have a right to say who should be in it

Just don’t make a decision like that when you need to sleep you know

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if i ask him to go and then he doesn’t go

From: Me

He doesn’t have a choice, you get to tell him

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if he’s mean to me

Cute people are always mean to me

From: Me

Miu…

Go to bed...

#shuichi x kokichi #shuichi saihara #shuichi danganronpa #kokichi ouma #kokichi danganronpa #oumasai #saiouma #fanfiction #Phantom Thief AU #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #danganronpa #writing #i am gay

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choupichoups · 5 years

Photo

Press F (Instagram/College AU) Ch.6

Lucas swears he’s the absolute master of undetected stalking. Or: Eliott is instagram famous and Lucas is the disaster gay who accidentally likes his post.

He hasn’t heard from Eliott since Sunday.

The professor’s monotone drawling fades out to the background as Lucas flips between the apps on his phone-- a foolish attempt to keep himself from opening up the one he actually wants to check on.

Eliott hasn’t posted anything since the Saturday they were together.

He contemplates sending a message but he can’t think of a good conversation starter. Saying a simple hello is super lame. Eliott always starts their chats with a clever line. How does he come up with those, anyway? Lucas would really appreciate a little insight right now.

Lucas barely notices his classmates leaving the room and he scrambles to follow along, pocketing his phone so he’d stop staring at it already.

He’s only taken a couple of steps outside when a vaguely familiar boy with shaven head almost rams right into him.

“Shit, sorry!” Lucas steps aside at the last minute and the other boy’s arms do a hilarious windmill to keep balance. Neither of them end up on the floor so that’s awesome.

“Sorry!” The boy shouts back, looking at Lucas with wide eyes and a half formed grin. Lucas flinches, trying to hide the double take he almost does. This guy has the brightest green eyes a stark contrast to his dark skin and a bone structure that can cut glass. If he isn’t so ass over head infatuated with Eliott, his brain would probably register just how beautiful this person is. “Lucas?”

It takes a bit for him to realize that it’s weird how this person correctly guesses his name. “Uh, why?”

“Idris!” The boy -- Idris? Instagram Idris? -- says, enthusiasm evident in his voice. “I’m Idris, I mean. Eliott sent me.”

“Eliott... sent you?” Lucas keeps walking, not wanting to block the way to the classroom. Idris keeps up beside him. “But where is he?”

Idris hands him a cup of hot chocolate-- it’s the one Lucas gets once a month to reward himself for not keeling over in stress.

“He’s holed up in the library,” Idris says while Lucas’s still blinking down at the cup in his hands. “We have a project due very soon, me and him. We have to finish the storyboard.”

Okay, it’s been two days though. Lucas just hopes they’re getting enough rest. He’s seen a lot of the other film students walking from building to building like dried up zombies.

Idris keeps going before Lucas gets a word in. “His phone’s on airplane mode.” Lucas nods, watching Idris rub a hand over the top of his head. “Mine too, we do this thing. So we only focus on one thing at a time, you know.”

Lucas starts to smile as Idris looks at him, slightly wide-eyed. He has a feeling this guy’s been running on pure caffeine since the weekend. “Okay.”

“My point is, he’s not ignoring you.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Good. God, I told him he’s overreacting.”

Lucas laughs, holding the hot chocolate to his chest. “He’s doing okay?”

“Yeah,” Idris scoffs, waving a dismissive hand. “He forgot to tell you about the whole project thing before, you know, shutting the world out so he’s been freaking out about it.”

“Why?”

“He thinks you’d forget about him.”

“What?” Lucas laughs louder. “That’s dumb.”

“Yeah, well.” Idris shrugs, his laughter coming out in choppy chuckles. “Anyway, I’ve gotta get back to work, nice to meet you!”

“You too.” Lucas takes a step backward, smiling to himself as he sips at the hot chocolate. From Eliott. How did Eliott know about his favourite campus drink? “Idris!” He calls out before the other boy is completely out of sight.

Idris turns, raising an eyebrow.

“Good luck with the project! And tell him me forgetting him is the last thing he has to worry about.” He says in a rush, half of him hoping Idris doesn’t hear him but the other half hoping the opposite as he doesn’t think he can repeat that without combusting.

Idris opens his mouth as if to say something but then he settles for a pout, both hands shooting up to clutch at his chest. “Fuck, you really are adorable.”

Lucas turns away and brisk walks towards the next building.

Yann drops down beside him in the middle of Lucas doing his homework. He can feel Yann staring at him, but, infuriating best friend that he is, Yann doesn’t say anything as he does it.

“What?” Lucas breaks the silence, putting his pen down.

“What?” Yann returns, opting for the most innocent of tones. It doesn’t work.

“Spill it.”

“Nothing, man.” Yann looks down at the phone sitting innocently between them. “Just, you know, wondering if I should round up the guys to properly meet Eliott.”

That gets Lucas’ attention. “Why?”

Yann’s left eye twitches the slightest bit. “You can’t tell me there’s nothing between you two.”

“Well, there’s a thing.” Lucas shuts his textbook, losing any sort of motivation he had going earlier. “But there’s no thing.”

“Uh, okay?”

“He’s not my man or anything.”

“Why not?” Yann asks, incredulous like it’s easy. Or maybe for him it really is that easy.

“I don’t know, we haven’t really talked about it?”

He opens up instagram to a new private message, eyes narrowing when he sees the username.

emir.yous hey

lucallemant hi

emir.yous I heard you’re good at chem??

lucallemant I guess

emir.yous can you help me with somethin I think my brain’s melting

lucallemant ok, imane’s better than me though you can ask Abe to ask her?

emir.yous no she’ll think I'm stupid

lucallemant lol

“Lucas, his friends are messaging you.” Yann deadpans, obviously having read the conversation over Lucas’ shoulder because fuck manners apparently. “I think that’s a good indication of where he wants it to go.”

“I don’t-- I don’t know, Yann. What if-- I don’t know him that well.”

“Yet.”

“But what if I... I don’t wanna get too attached and then for it to blow up in my face.” Lucas fidgets with his pen, twirling it restlessly between all fingers until Yann stills him with a gentle touch.

“Lucas, not everyone will be like that.”

“How do you know?”

“You’ve got to give people a chance to prove you wrong.”

“No one’s done it yet.”

His phone pings again, but this time it’s from a different person. Yann looks down at it and Lucas can see the hint of a smile fighting to lift his expression. “I don’t think you’re the one who needs to worry about getting attached.”

abebkhellal what are those chocolates you gave him? he won’t even let me take a bite

lucallemant I can get you some if you want

abebkhellal bro I’d love that but I also love my life and eliott will probably murder me in cold blood if you gave me the same chocolates you gave him

lucallemant lol I'm sorry

abebkhellal just show me where you get them I’ll buy some myself

lucallemant okay sure

Yann’s smiling when Lucas looks back up at him. “He talks about you with his friends.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re just cornering me into meeting them.” Lucas chuckles, sliding his phone inside his hoodie pockets. “And I talk about him with you guys too, it’s no big deal.”

“Are you kidding me? You never talked about Ra--”

“Anyway, what are we doing? Is this a slumber party now?”

Yann rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

“Are we exchanging our deepest, darkest secrets?”

“That’s not how it goes.”

“Oh, so you’re the master of slumber parties now?”

“Yeah,” Yann shuffles lazily towards the backpack he’d thrown on the ground earlier. “Only slumber party invitees get to play this.” He pulls out the new game he’s just bought while skipping class in the morning, waving it around with a flourish as Lucas gapes up at it.

“No way, that’s so expensive.”

“Yeah, I saved up.”

“Nerd.”

“Then don’t play it.”

“No, let me!”

“Slumber party people only!”

“There are two of us, I’m the one making this a party!”

“No, you’re not even wearing pyjamas!”

Lucas sleepily watches the television screen, fingers barely moving over the controls as he lets the final boss crush his character for the nth time. Beside him, Yann’s already passed out on the couch.

He stretches out with a groan as quiet as he can manage, reaching over Yann to grab the remote and shut the screen off. He’s about to head to bed when his hands smack against the phone still in his pockets, and his fingers automatically open up instagram before his brain even registers the movement.

srodulv you’re welcome

Lucas smiles, not exactly hating the flutter in his stomach at seeing Eliott back in his messages.

lucallemant no longer on the plane?

srodulv haha I've landed

lucallemant welcome back how did the assignment go?

srodulv it was okay

lucallemant okay that’s good

srodulv can I see you again?

lucallemant I mean, it’s a bit late

srodulv what are you talking about? 03h is the best time to go out and live our lives

lucallemant lol stop that

srodulv careful, you might hurt my feelings again

lucallemant so?

srodulv so you’re running out of ways to apologize :)

lucallemant lol

srodulv are you free on Thursday?

lucallemant what’s with you and Thursdays?

srodulv favourite day of the week

lucallemant lol weirdo

srodulv :) so?

lucallemant okay

srodulv okay, I'll wait for you outside your class

lucallemant how do you know where that is?

srodulv :)

lucallemant stalker

srodulv says the original stalker

lucallemant lol go to sleep eliott

srodulv good night ❤️

Lucas lays awake for a while after, tracking the cracks in the ceiling as his mind replays Yann’s words. You have to give people a chance to prove you wrong. He’s tried so many times, and every failure does nothing but strengthen the walls he’s trying so hard to scratch past.

But maybe.

Maybe this time.

Maybe.

lucallemant good night ❤️

Maybe Eliott deserves that chance.

#skam france #elu #elu insta au #lol im a minute late stop @ing me #fictag

832 notes · View notes

jq37 · 5 years

Note

sooo.... what’s the tea on the new ep? :)

**spoilers for family in flames**

I have so much to say I’m not drafting this on tumblr lest it crash and I lose a soul-crushing amount of yelling into the void.

And, I gotta say, THIS episode is the reason I haven’t posted my adult rankings list yet. THIS RIGHT HERE. I KNEW some crap was gonna go down and force me to make some HUGE adjustments.

Also, We are feeling vindicated in this house today! But let’s start from the top and work our way down.

“Raise your hands if you really care about your parents.”

Fabian having to be like, “Look, your parents suck but don’t you have siblings?” (Kristen: Ugh, I guess)

Adaine pointing out that she cares about Gorgug’s parents.

Brennan listening to them argue about what to do like he doesn’t know they’re about to be arrested for a whole ass MONTH.

Fig wanting to method act while texting the phone, pretending to be scared.

So is the arcade owner (Frank Dunford) relevant? Brennan had the name on hand. But maybe it was just him being a good worldbuilder and anticipating the question. I feel like it’s probably that because this is late in the game to be introducing new people who are super relevant.

“Gilear’s got a little knife”

I KNEW those arcade prizes were gonna be gear they could pick up! ALWAYS RAID THE ROOM. Some of that stuff might have helped in the fight. I loved the group silently reading the cards and exchanging them to whoever they thought it would help most in the background as Brennan did the ID spell.

“This has been, if I may say so, the *best* use of the identify spell.”

I love that Adaine thanks everyone, including her inanimate spells. She’s just a good person.

OK so this episode addressed a LOT of questions I had about how these literal children were getting away with all of these murders and such. Apparently, the adventuring academy kids traditionally just get away with this stuff because of Arthur’s influence and the nature of adventurers.

Adaine coming in hot with the diplomatic immunity and then remembering, oh wait, we’re at war w/ Falinel.

Fig immediately starting smoking when she gets arrested.

I love the federal agent outsider with perspective coming in and being rightfully horrified by the absolute nonsense that’s been going on the past 15 episodes.

Is Riz’s mom the only competent cop at this station? Is there a one competent adult per location rule?

Bill Seacaster Upon Learning the Bad Kids are In Jail: Did you try to escape?

“How are things going?”/“I mean bad. I’m in jail.”

Fig upon offhandedly and indirectly being called a vigilante by Sklonda: Thank you.

Emily loses it whenever anything happens in Gilear’s orbit.

Wild that Adaine decided to spontaneously call Goldenhoard considering what happened later. Like, it wasn’t a completely out of nowhere decision and it was totally logical but they could have easily overlooked that decision.

Like, I know things happen later that make this kinda moot but I loved Goldenhoard’s conversation with Adaine in jail. “Don’t to talk to anyone without a lawyer and kill anyone you have to to get out. The school will pay for the rezzes.”/“That’s exactly what our plan was. God, I love this school.”

Although, sidenote, I feel like you can only easily rez someone within a minute? Like, I know there are other D&D spells that let you do it after a longer period of time but with the whole phoenix egg thing and the fact that they haven’t come up so far, I feel like Brennan isn’t using the in this setting for stakes reasons.

Man that whole conversation with Fig and her mom. Emily plays Fig so balls to the wall that I kinda forget sometimes that she’s actually an intelligent adult woman who knows what she’s doing with the character so I really shouldn’t be surprised with how well she stuck the emotional beats of this episode.

Gorthalax man! TyraWeWereAllRootingForYou.gif If he left, like, actually left and isn’t just held up somehow, then that’s gonna be really not great for Fig’s general psyche.

Kristen COMPLETELY undercutting the moment by point blank asking if they had sex.

No wonder Sandra-Lynn was so worried about Fig. She was totally Fig growing up. Which, lol, she’s not even half tiefling. She was just *like that*

Oh so Gilear has always been super lame. Good to know.

Fig: I think I have mommy issues./The Rest of the Party: You have all the issues.

Fabian: You’re trying to hook up with a 25 year old adult./Fig: What do you mean trying?I’m successfully kissing him once every couple weeks. (Which, lol but also I’m glad that’s as far as it got…you know if it has to go any amount forward).

They just let Bill into the cell?????

Lou when Zac rolls a 1 for perception on Bill Secaster and he knows what’s coming: Don’t fucking do this. (Everyone else: Already trying not to lose it)

Zac’s Gorgug being contemplative and also completely wrong face is so funny to me every time.

“Why would you kill me?”/“Why would you know that?”

Who is more insane? Gorgug for suggesting him and Fabian could be twins (aren’t they different ages????) or Bill for thinking he’s so awesome he could somehow do that?

Kristen trying to help FIg distract Bill by blurting out, “Have you ever had sex?” After the conversation where he said point blank he’s slept with 100s of orc women.

Fabian yelling at his dad is kinda undercut by continuing to call him papa in the most poncy accent.

I don’t think I’ve articulated this properly before but this episode really drove it home: Fabian and Bill have a *close* relationship but not an entirely healthy one. Like, better than Adaine and her parents by leaps and bounds but he wrestled his son in a jail cell while his friends just watched. Like, who does that?

Imagine if Riz had tried to get between Bill and Fabian.

Also imagine being the rest of the party just sitting there, watching that go down.

“We’ve spent so much of our lives obsessed with our dads and we’ve completely ignored our moms.”/“You’re just again talking about yourself.”

I can’t believe Fig’s suggestion spell would have worked if head boss in charge fed lady hadn’t been there. Speaking of her, as soon as she showed up I knew they weren’t going to be able to shenanigan their way out of this one (which is literally the word Emily used, hilariously). I don’t think even a nat 20 would have gotten them very far. Remember last week when I said that I was sure there was going to be a prom finale but I was also pretty sure there was still a good chunk of time before prom? As soon as they got arrested and the feds showed up I was like, “Oh they are not getting out until prom for sure.”

Siobhan trying not to laugh while Emily tries a ridiculous plan that might have worked in a different episode honestly.

Ally trying to Pirates of the Carribean her way out of the jail cell.

The cops didn’t even take their stuff in a month!

“I’m glad this is in my head and no one else can hear things like this.”

I love how Fabian rolls his eyes at Adaine for thanking her spells but he always thanks the Hangman.

Realistically the Hangman would have told Fabian the plan before it happened but the way it played out was soooo good.

The return of Mr. Cubby!!!! I was hoping it would be him but man! It was still so awesome to see happen. I wonder if Brennan introduced that family specifically in case the group ever needed to be busted out of jail (a likely need).

“Laws are threats made by the dominant socioeconomic ethnic group of a given nation.”

“You guys wanna make some bacon?”

“That was on fire the whole time? You’re so brave!” Adaine likes adults who aren’t her parents so much.

Riz being like uhhhhh my mom works here.

“To the AV club!”/“It’s been months!”

OK so they took a palimpsest from Bill in this episode. That was there to tip them off that he’s up to something I’m sure, but I feel like that could also turn out to be a Chekov’s gun for next ep. I’m sure the ability to trap someone’s should would be useful in the finale.

S/O to Brennan for his excellent foreshadowing throughout the episode and honestly the whole series.

Siobhan thinking to check the trash folder of his computer was a good move, even if it didn’t end up being the right one.

OK, strap in guys. This is where things get WILD.

Siobhan’s “Oh shit!” when she got halfway down the page of Watches and Wards and then that Harry Potter sounding sting in the background.

(Before I get any further, I love that Adaine’s first thought was well that means my sister isn’t Kal Vaxis because she thinks her sister is the root of all evil).

But WOW. After all the trash talking of the old oracle, it turns out Adaine is the new eleven oracle! And she has been since EPISODE ONE. I almost thought she was gonna be *that* elven oracle because of the questions the cast was asking but nope. It is, as Zac and Siobhan put it, a The Santa Clause situation where the last one dies and someone else gets the job.

Brennan’s faint amusement as they work through that is so good.

You know what’s kinda hilarious in hindsight about that? I said before that, so far, every person Adaine has pegged as trash has ended up being trash of the highest order and an enemy of the party and of course she’s been good at predicting things! She’s the literal oracle.

Am I reading this wrong or is the Religious Studies teacher name Yolanda Badgood?

Also the sheet says “Lunchlad (Official Title)” RIP dude.

Emily low key thinking this is going to be about pay disparity between the races.

Will putting the book back retroactively get rid of anything bad currently cast in school?

Brennan going, “Nothing happens.”/“You see an upside down waste paper basket.” Is such a GM mood. I had a session once where I spent half an hour just saying, “You’re looking at the door,” in various ways.

No one knows what Goldenhoard’s name actually is and it’s the second to last episode.

I feel like Brennan must have gotten forehead/cheek kissed a lot as a child because he’s constantly having NPCs do it.

Are elves in this setting actually immortal (barring being actually killed) or just long lived? Because Adaine talks like she’s immortal but I wasn’t sure. Anyway, newsflash Adaine. You’ve been mortal this whole campaign! Because apparently, the elven oracle always eventually dies.

I love that Adaine finally confronted the oracle about sinking on a ship and actually ended up kinda sympathizing with her. I can’t believe this is how that running joke ends.

Fabian at the ghost of the past eleven oracle who’s imparting wisdom on Adaine: Who are you?

Ally: Can I do something weird? (Dude, when do you not?)

Ally mumbling through an inspiring spell as Murph clues in to the paperwork discrepancy that blows the plot twist wide open. And then miming the whole thing in the background as the scene goes on.

“He was mean so I thought that meant he was a good guy.” More stern than mean really but yeah! Same Murph!

You know how you know things are about to get real? When the DM starts letting you do stuff like bust down doors without even rolling for it because there are bigger fish to fry.

The 69 glyphs of binding. Nice.

But in seriousness, Kal Vaxis (apparently it’s spelled Kalvaxus but I can’t be bothered to change that in this post) was apparently trapped by Arthur and bound to work at Aguefort (as Goldenhoard) because…he’s a wildcard I guess. Sidenote, can you imagine what this season might have looked like if Arthur hadn’t died? Or was that always the plan for him to die in some way? Like to resurrect an NPC maybe if the crew hadn’t lost 2 party members.

Man when he said last ep that the girls were going back to school I thought OK that makes sense because it’s the AV computer that Biz used or maybe it’s Penelope. But I totally overlooked teachers.

OK so the binding spell specifically says “as long as I live” and Arthur is dead. So….what does that mean exactly? And this plan seems to have been in motion from before Arthur died. What does that mean? Also, if that wording means he’s freed when Arthur dies, what was Arthur thinking killing himself???? Did he need Kristen to sneak him into heaven so he could talk to Sol and do some scheming or something? AHHHHH I have so many questions.

Also in the binding is a clause about tea. Now, first of all, Arthur, bro. Come on. Second of all, a lawyer really should have looked at that. “I will drink anything you give me”? I work at a law firm. I’m a lowly first year but even I know that’s a terrible thing to put in a contract. I’m sure y'all non lawyers know that too!

Karam-Kajam (the binding spell words) kinda looks like “magic maker” backwards. That doesn’t mean anything. I just wanted y'all to know I was freeze framing every thing that might be a clue.

OK ok ok, so I’ve been saying for a while now (in posts but mainly over chat) that all this bad stuff must be like connected to a central person in service of a central goal but the players were probably all unconnected wild cards acting in self interest. The one thing I couldn’t quite put together was what because these plots have been mainly unconnected. But now, we have it! All the weird things starting a war (by manipulating the harvestmen), getting 7 maidens (by manipulating Biz), and reinstating prom king/queen (by manipulating (?) Penelope and Dayne, also yes! my wild card guess was that prom king/queen was going to be part of a spell or curse or something. Guess it was prophecy but yes! vindication!) are parts of a prophecy on how to bring back Kalvaxis! (Along with him getting his “glittering treasure”?)

But yeah! No wonder it was so hard to put the pieces together! They all connected but only through a prophecy. Good job Bren!

“The sun shall fall from the heavens” is part of the prophecy which makes me think Sol or Helios might be involved in this somehow.

Ally: There are definitely going to be 7 virgins at prom. (That deserved a rim shot).

Good on Murph for making sure none of them were on the virgin list bc that would have been a pain in the ass to find out mid-fight. Also, I KNEW “Where are their bodies” was the question to ask last ep when Biz said they were going back to their bodies.

“Who told you that? An oracle?”

I hope Adaine just uses her oracle status to make sick one liners like, “I predict this is gonna hurt,” before she witchbolts someone. She never does her actual job.

Adaine who hates her family, righteously indignant: Between our houses and the world, you expect us to choose our houses?

The rest of the group who loves their family: BYEEEEE.

Well, no. Kristen also had reservations before she remembered her brothers existed.

Adaine texting her mom: You should probably leave.

Siobahn and Ally fistbumping over their mutual not caring about their parents.

OK so what’s up with the rat? What’s so important about the rat? And what’s up with Zayne? We still haven’t figured out what’s up with him.

Still not clear on if the crystals trap your physical body or just your spirit and leave your physical body dormant irl.

So that’s how they got rid of the adults for the fight. Nice job again Brennan.

As far as I can tell, Brennan made up this usage of the word palimpsest and I’d never heard of the word before and now I type it so much. Wild.

“I’m calling an Uber. You use the minute to go look at as much shit as you can. Jump in the Uber with me, come to my house. Look Rudolpho will be here in two minutes in a Honda Civic. Use one of those minutes. Go.”

A Knight to Remember.

They freaking Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to Kristen’s house.

I love how Uber Drivers in this world are still gunning for 5 stars.

OK, time for the most stressful 30 minutes of Fantasy High (so far).

I think the wagering mechanic Brennan used for the fights was brilliant. For each conflict a d20 was rolled. 1-6=epic fail. 7-14=bad but not awful. 15-20=favorable outcome. The twist was that if the person chose to help their family they could give up half their HP and 14 spell levels and he would roll with advantage.

Everyone quickly took that deal except Adaine who truly does not give a damn about her family (and also, reasonably, thought that they wouldn’t even be at home. Idk why they apparently were tbh).

When Emily said, “She’s a complex person and she’s allowed to be,” that was the moment I was like, “Oh yeah. She’s not actually Fig. IRL she knows what’s happening.”

Siobhan uses her divination roll of 18 to save Kristen’s family without having to risk anything but the Ally turns around and decides to take the deal to try and save Adaine’s family WHEN ADAINE DOESN’T EVEN CARE. But it makes sense that Kristen would.

Lou’s monolog as Brennan rolls about how nerve wracking and terrible it is to have no idea what’s going on.

“This is the worst thing I’ve been a part of.”

“I was wondering why my mom visited me and humanized herself and this is exactly why.”

Lou/Fabian: What if my fucking family dies? (F O R E S H A D O W I N G, albeit unknowingly)

Brennan (sagely): It couldn’t have been any other way./Siobhan: It could’ve been!

lol at Adaine trying to trigger that ice cream later wish at their darkest moment (so far). Also, not that I think Brennan ever forgot about it but now I’m for sure it’s gonna come up next ep bc if nothing else that would have reminded him.

OK first up, Fig and her mom.

“Dang they’re already organized with costumes?”

That was so boss, her mom getting revived and then IMMEDIATELY shooting two guys w/ her bow.

Emily LEGIT crying through that scene. The whole room was on an emotional tightrope. You can tell.

Where in the mountains Sandra-Lynn!? I want specifics Sandra-Lynn!!

I love the idea of her jumping out of a window onto a dope griffin’s back. Fig’s mom just bought herself a bunch of spots on my grown-up rankings list.

Ally: THAT WAS NUMBER ONE

Me: SAME.

Next Riz at Strongtower

I knew Sklonda was going to be in the secret room!

I love that apparently Riz can recognize his mom’s gun by hearing it.

I know it was in the promo but Riz’s mom being like, “I was so scared you were gonna ask me to prom” was hysterical.

You just know Sklonda and Agent Angela have been fighting like cats and dogs this past month.

Riz and his mom high fiving. They have the best relationship.

Gorgug and the Thistlesprings

lol, looks like his parents had the easiest time wrecking their intruders.

But based on how it was described as compared to everyone else (bar Fabian–we’re getting there), it sounds like he got pretty dang hurt.

And I guess they have a tank (which they usually use to mow the lawn) and a bomb chest? Wild.

Anyway, if anything had happened to them insert Rosa B99 meme.

“You come to the tree, you better be ready to never fucking leave, you understand?” So boss. (Also, is that a pun?)

Gorgug’s parents launched a satellite while Gorgug was in jail.

Kristen and co.

Kristen’s dad (who is the worst): You think these guys were illegals, what?

Kristen: I’m gonna take the car, byeeee.

Kristen and Adaine bonding over their terrible parents.

I’m Concerned about Kristen’s brothers.

Abernants

They poofed out. Idk why they were still there to begin with.

So the damage they took was supposed to represent the danger the took in their respective fights. Kristen got Adaine’s divination roll meaning her family was fine either way but she did take damage for Adaine’s family. But the fight was already over by the time they got there. So, in story, any injuries sustained must have been from the fight at her house, even though that wasn’t technically the deal.

Anyway, Adaine doesn’t care about her family so let’s not waste any time moving onto

Seacaster manor

Geez

OK, you guys. Let me tell you my buildup to the realization that Bill had to die.

In the first set of episodes, when tone was established, I said to myself, a parent is going to die. I don’t know who, but someone will.

Then, Bill gave them a training montage and I thought, curse of the mentor. He’s going to die. Besides, he’s one of the biggest parental figures and he’s larger than life–perfect for a fall.

Then Sklonda took down the Harvestmen and I briefly shifted my worry to her.

But then Fabian started clashing with Bill. And I remembered all the constant talk of his mortality.

And then, this ep, Brennan made him choose between his mom and dad and I was pretty sure. (sidenote: Fabian yelling at his mom the same ep Adaine said he has a great relationship with his mom. But, like, compared to her, maybe. Also, mean Brennan.)

And then Fabian lost an eye (with a description that still makes me wince) and I KNEW. Once he lost his eye, there was no way Bill could leave the fight alive, thematically.

Honestly, it was a wrap when Fabian played the video from his dad. I was worried he’d die before he got there.

(It was a low blow, and I credit you that.)

Why were there Harvestmen attacking Fabian’s house and no one elses?

Fabian’s mom just drinking while the house is being raided.

I was so sure the tuxed Harvestman who attacked Fabian was going to turn out to somehow be Daybreak or something. Anyway, it has to come up again. There’s no reason for that level of detail otherwise. And tux sounds like prom attire.

Lou rolls a nat 1 and then rerolls it because he has the lucky trait. What’s funny is just started listening to NADNDPod and Murph (who reminded Lou about the lucky thing) disallowed one of his players from rerolling a nat 1 even w/ the lucky in the last ep I listened to. I don’t remember if the circumstances were different though.

Bill handcuffing himself up to keep fighting. Yikes.

Anyway, ugh that whole death scene. I would write more but this is closing in on 4k words and I’ve been working on this for hours. I just wanna say, that was a perfect way to go out for him. Killing 60 people and then getting stabbed by his son and exploding. So baller (as was Fabian jumping out the window onto his bike and catching Bill’s sword. He has so many cool swords now).

It’s a crime no one does animatics for this show.

We also got a piece of the puzzle. Bill was the one supplying the palimpsests (or at least one of the ones. who was doing it before?) not for an evil reason. Just a chaotic neutral reason of wanting to recapture the glory days. So now we know that.

I mentioned this before but…Fabian is Thor.

“I SHALL LEAP INTO HELL AND KILL THE DEVIL HIMSELF” and Bill Seacaster is dril apparently.

I love Fabian destroying the nice thing Bill said about him to preserve his legacy.

Ally: HE COULD HAVE SURVIVED.

I appreciate so much that Lou knew his character so well that without any hesitation he stabbed Bill and that was the right choice.

Whew, that was a lot.

Also, not that I don’t trust Brennan but it’s wild that Bill, the most thematically appropriate parent to die, was the only one who failed his roll apparently.

Aww at Zelda’s message to Gorgug. She made him a playlist! So 80’s high school. It gives him a bonus! Also I really wanna know what’s on the list. Like, is it all fantasy rock puns or actual songs? Yay for Brennan giving them cool items for good RPing.

Live band. Nice.

Emily and Zac both rolled 20’s for initiative for next week’s fight. Hopefully that’s a good omen. We have no way of knowing because THERE’S NO PROMO FOR NEXT WEEK.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

This isn’t edited. This is more than 4000 words. This is so long my computer is about to die. Thank you and goodnight.

#fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #spoilers #asks #anon #Anonymous

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theeverbloomingdarkness · 5 years

Text

THE MUN PLAYS KH3

Here are my notes/comments I made while playing through KH3. The thoughts that went through my head.

***SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING POSSIBLE. SPOILERS. SPOILERS.***

Tuesday, Jan 29th. 5:00 pm.

-Finally home and ready to play. Colored lights on, fluffy pants on, favorite blanket nearby, cats fed, pizza in oven, cold water in fridge, juice smoothie drink standing by. Waiting on my pizza to finish so I can eat dinner while listening to the title screen music. Have not put game on yet. (Just so happened to get my Marluxia keychain the other day too! Got my game today.)

-Here we goooooOOOOOO.

-OATH ORCHESTRAL IS SO PRETTY. Also expected recap. I bet there will be a lot of flashbacks in the game (update: not at all).

-Cable town seems a precarious place to live- also a pain to get around. Pretty. there’s a LOT of islands. (Update: homeworld of Keyblade wielders? Or base)

-Eraqus playing dumb? Messing with Xehanort? Or is he actually just like that and doesn’t know.

-Queue intro. Music feels off slightly but that could just be because I saw the trailer one first. Also new Marluxia content, gonna need a gif of that little clip jumping over the scythe.

-Darkside, of course. Nostalgia reasons. Would have been more interesting if they changed up the fight with him, I think. He’s always been a pretty lame fight.

HERCULES WORLD

-Cutscenes feel much more natural (first reaction). Also Donald getting shit on, always fun. (Update: the amount of shitting on each other in this game is unreal)

-Hercules’ new voice… Is it new? IDK, but I find it unnerving.

-The Instagram loading screens are weird? Not a big deal.

-Maleficent’s much needed glow up.

-The graphics are odd because some things look super good and then some things look kinda weird sometimes. IDK I just started. Generally very pretty.

-SORA, DONALD, GOOFY. Is this going to be a thing again? (Update: yes, it is)

-Guess Phil isn’t going to talk at all? Sort of weird (Update: speaking of NOT SPEAKING. Aeleus and Dilan. Not a single peep. Wow.)

-Xigbar’s voice is changing into Xehanort’s now. Someone help him.

-Holy shit an NPC. WTF was that scene??? I think that’s all that needs to be said here. Just, what? How did that even work? No idea where the girl was/how far? Didn’t see any fire? Too slow? Yeeted into the universe. Little girl saved???

-Jumping around when you get hit with fire is annoying.

-Fighting those Titans was a shirt storm. It was soooo janky for me. (update: the combat in this game is incredibly aerial based)

-“May your hear-- ?” Unsure if game bugged or not. (Update: I get it now. Thanks, epilogue.)

-So Axel DOES get an outfit, wonder if we’ll ever see him wear it. (Update: AT THE VERY END

-Phone call. Is it my boy IENZO??? Oh, nope. D: WAIT, there he is.- -MOODY AELEUS??? What does he have against Roxas? Just because he left the Organization? Yeah, like Axel. Stop the bias against the other Org members.

-GODDAMMIT they did it again with the title card.

TWILIGHT TOWN

-Seifer and gang left for a “hero’s journey”.

-IENZO SPYING? IENZO CHUCKLE. Ienzo didn’t know= that makes sense. He’s so…happy (Update: he really is chipper in this game) -KIDNAPPED EVEN? -Just get Even to make him a body. -I too could go for some hot wings, little girl -Talking about Sora. I figured, but I hoped.

-Darn you Axel for being attractive -DILAN

IT’S MARLUXIA TIME. MARLUXIA TIME. MARLUXIA TIME

-What a lovely world; everyone’s having a nice time… It sure would be a shame, if someone….ruined it.

-Mar you creep. PINK EYES?

-FAVOR? Oh. :I Balance, eh? Do you believe that Mar? Also would rather forget? Himself, or does he mean Sora?

-Marluxia does indeed dislike nicknames.

-Is Marluxia really out to protect the light/Rapunzel for balance? If it were anyone else it’d be easy to write off. (Update. Like Larx for this story it’s just about making sure they have the PoH backups)

-Time for Mar to be an ass. Lol. Sounded like he wasn’t even trying. He likes it when they run. Also I guess Mar tied Flynn up in this version? -HE’S SO PRETTY -SLEEP BOY! Also…Mar? New power? Lol. How handy, wish I could do that to myself. (Also the comment about him being good at sleeping or something? Guess he knows that from DDD? When they were all there at the end. Or upon learning he was in a pod for a year.)

-The bosses thus far have been huge and really annoying to hit/air battles.

-On Marluxia, still looks like they’re just using him for Nort fodder at this point. Even though it still makes no sense at all.

-And I’m sure that’s all I’m gonna get this game for Marluxia.

-ALSO, Reapers baby. CALLED IT.

-Get Even to make one! Well Goofy’s right, Ienzo might be able to do it. OH MY GOD I CALLED IT. Good job Riku for being smart.

-*Sidenote: If you haven’t seen Tangled some things might seem disconnected to you as a player. (Update: this goes for most of the Disney worlds actually.)

TOY STORY

-Final Fantasy??!?!?! LOL Riku and Noctis fusion

-WTF. Shot by YMX into Square Enix? Oh nope, Gigas.

-OOO Woody burn. No one loves you Xehanort.

-Should have been ,“There’s a snake in my boot”

-ANOTHER Woody burn.

-I feel like Young Xehanort learned something they already knew???

-OH YEP. Need Even. I wonder if Aeleus and Dilan will talk in this game (Update: nope)

-OOOO Evil meeting. Everyone yell so you can hear each other. DAMN IT VEXEN, you mad science man. At least it’s a believable reason for Vexen. Unlike Marluxia, which is total bullshit

-Gummi flying takes forever.

FROZEN. Ready to see my girl Larxene

-This is literally the my friends are my power game with the way the combat is set up (Update: Very Aerial and AOE oriented gameplay)

-Also enemies have a lot of HP

-Lol. Oh yeah, memory loss. They filled her in.

- Using the electricity to move the blocks and trap them… I can be like, ok I’ll buy that. But this is a complex-ass labyrinth

Along with Marluxia’s sleep thing and now this,… Headcanon that it’s due to Xehanort influence possibly?

-Larxene Nobodies! They look like ninjas. YEP. Just checked. Called Ninjas.

-Giant Larxene knife symbols on wall. Classy.

-Did Larxene just show Elsa up with that labyrinth btw?

-LET IT GO. LET IT GO. “I don’t know what I just saw”. lol

-What is with all this Larx ice using? I dun like it >.<

-Again boss is up so high the fight is really floaty and crazy

-What girl??? Who??? Namine? Kairi? Streli? Not Larxene . Must be Kairi. (Update: STILL DON’T KNOW THE GIRL. Future game plot point)

-KARATE Aqua

-Oh god, not Pooh Bear. Please be optional.

-Ienzo has an Instagram.

MONSTERS INC

-Alright Vani where you at?

-LMAO Sully just grabs him and throws him in a door xD That is a GOLDEN moment

-Ienzo’s gonna be the one who saves Xion Roxas and Ventus. Nice.

-This is “shit on each other the game” isn’t it?

-Oooo evil meeting. MY PALS. Marluxia is WOKE as fuck., he’s like nah he just wants our empty husk bodies as vessels. Larxene ain’t having it, yep, that’s what I thought. You? Canon ‘Marly’ Omg Benched, I believe it. REBEL GROUP. REBEL GROUP. (Update: I chanted this in my head a lot)

WHAT??? Another purpose? Luxord in. TELL US THE PURPOSE? All four of them? Wow. Demyx and Luxord in Union X confirmed. :/ Not a fan of this. Too many keyblades.

Ugh I want more plot Dx Gotta do Pirates.

*So it does seem like the four of them don’t want to be in the Org? But again they aren’t doing anything about it so???

So the reason they let them back (Mar and Lar even though traitors) is because they want their ancient keyblade powers. (Update: This is never mentioned again. Like, why does it matter to Xehanort? Did Xehanort pull them out of time? More questions)

PIRATES

- Vexen and Lux. Oooo Vexen not obeying. Luxooooord. REBEL GROUP. REBEL GROUP. -Pausing air fight to feed cats. Not enjoying this flying oof. Thank goodness it isn’t all shooting -Who needs air? -Wow nice ship and sails Luxord -Whatever you want eh Luxord? -Gonna honor the rules Lux? Did he lose on purpose? -Hope eh? -LOL No Parley. OOF breath on his face, into the ocean. Luxord just got burned. First Vanitas now Luxord - Dramatic walk scene? Awwww

-GDI Axel change your clothes -Was thinking this at the first scene but GDI I know people are going to ship these two

-Here comes darkqua? -A tale of two Ansems. Feeling Namine guilt? -Hayner bout to get FUCKED. WHAT GIRL? -WHAT THE FUCK? Nobodies? Who doing this??? -FUCK it’s Vexen. Good Vexen? What? :o Is he lying??? FUCK CLIFFHANGER. I appreciate all the diff character interactions in this game though. Does Vexen secretly have a heart of gold and is in on the REBEL GROUP?

BIG HERO 6

- Data Riku or Repliku? Going with Repliku. But the enemy is very codedesque. Also Data Riku is just Data, no body. Could also be timetravel bs - Replica confirmed. Not sure if it’s the same ”Repliku” - Hoping actual Repliku will come back. Riku did mention his other me after all

ALL PLOT FROM HERE ON OUT FINALLY

-Darkqua music was great

-Aaand she’s gone. Again. OR NOT

-Finally these two: Vexen and Demyx. DUNCE. LMAO their fighting. REBEL VEXEN. What’s in it for you, Demyx??? UHHH Not becoming Xehanort. (Demyx continues to be a douche character). Marluxia? Maybe. DEMYX TIME. Oh my god. Was that intentional??? LMAO Demyx is so ‘useless’ no one expects him to do anything. Nice FAMILY REUNION

VEXEN YOU LEGEND. I always liked him. Now it’s up to you Marluxia >:Y I think Vexen may have been talking about Ansem the Wise. Also may not still completely trust him because it says he went back willingly. Unless he changed his mind when learning about Ansem the Wise. (Update: Nope, Vexen really is a legend. I love him).

CASTLE OBLIVION -Vani fight, nice. Great music -HE UP. Go visit your old friend Mar.

-Ventus gets to meet both Axel and Marluxia as adults. How odd.

-Sudden Saix. So casual. WHAT GIRL? WHAT GIRL???? Is it Strelitzia? Skuld? New character? (Update: Again, future plot point.)

-Repliku with Riku.? YEP. DOPE. Save Namine? (Update: Yep. To protect Namine).

BATTLE TIME

-Enter Terranort. Shock for Ven to see. -Axel got fucked. -SHIT AN F5. - Everyone died. The end -STARS???? More pieces???? WAHHHT PAST? Union X Club??? Streli?! D’x

The Final World :O

-DEAD.

MARLUXIA? NO, VENTUS. YEP Ventus. Aw…

-Chirithy is great.

-Vexen gonna save the day with a replica? And Demyx lol. They both got benched. What a team up. (Update: And we never heard from them again. They literally just dipped from the Org and none of the Norts did anything. (Update: No idea what happened to Demyx. He dropped off the replica and was outie).

-DÉJÀ VU. Oof.

-EPHEMERA! THE KEEEEEYS. All the dead people

-UNION LEADERS KEYS. Also all the others, but I believe I saw five? What I’m saying is those four-five Starlights= Dandelion Union Leaders.

-??????? YEN SID DID SOMETHING HOLY SHIT

-Is Vexen with the coat guys up there??? -Also Demyx??? -Do they have a PLAN??? (Update: Nope, they literally just dipped).

-MARLUXIA THEME I HEAR IT

-MY CHILDREN WHY R U WITH XEHANORT???

-Thank you, Luxord awww. Such a cool guy…(Update: Sora still has the Wild Card)

AWww Larx. Heart tank? NO THANKS. Along for the ride- With?? (Marluxia?)

MY BOOOOOY Dx

*MEMORIES BACK???? Real laugh. A smile. He DID forget. Always about “purpose for being with Mar”. How did I predict that? (Update: Marluxia amnesia confirmed? Also why the heck didn’t /he/ rebel. Makes no sense. I blame Nomura. He also gave no reason for why he was following Xehanort. Again, it’s pretty BS. NO EXPLANATION.)

Riku down. Very interested in what Xigbar will have to say… Repliku repossession! NOOOO. Repliku stay! Roxas, of course.

PROTECT NAMINE. D’:

He just wanted that keyblade bro. What?????? Why the backwards drama D: (Update: Nope. Xigbar just playing the role, or should I say Luxu).

Fucking Axel. That smart mouth.

Saix would have let him die; also I knew it was Xion from trailers.

:O XION. He knew.

And Roxas is in. The music has been SO GOOD.

Vexen Zexion Ansem Demyx. LUL GET FUCKED Xemnas.

WHO IS THE HER>>>>

Vanitas sounds higher pitched in this game.

GUARDIAN??? This is weird.

I don’t believe in perma dead Kairi.

WHEN’S THE BOX? ALSO Luxord’s Wild Card!

*Btw guess Vexen and Demyx just left so the other Norts replaced them instead of doing anything about it

Awww, Saix. Or rather, Isa.

Didn’t shed any tears, but the part that got me feeling the most was with Xehanort and Eraqus tuff at the end, surprisingly

I KNEW IT WOULD END WITH A BEACH PARTY. Again, awwww, Saix.

*** WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO DEMYX? What did he even do to help besides delivering the replica LMAO??

WHY DIDN’T I GET TO SEE MY BOY IN THE ENDING? Maybe secret ending. ☹ (Update: Nah)

Oh yeah, Sora vanished btw.

*Xehanorts VA could have had a better performance.

-Wow. Xigbar really was the MoM? Union leaders alive? OH, nvm he’s Luxu. Guess he picked up on MoM’s behavior and mannerisms. Also been through many bodies I see… No Ava.

WHAT’S IN THE BOX GDI.

UH OH. New game board. 7 evils. Five being leaders and Xig, 2 Unkowns. Please don’t put Mar through more of that, IE make him be in another Org/group.

They never opened the box, did they.

#kh3 spoilers #spoilers #kingdom hearts 3 spoilers #kh spoilers #kingdom hearts spoilers

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signalsandsoundwaves · 5 years

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Now that I combed through KH3′s plot points again and don’t have to reasonably worry about spoiling anyone, here it is: My gripes w/ Kingdom Hearts 3 (Of Which There Are A Lot):

They showed way too damn much w/ the trailers, they should have at least hid the Final World and Aqua turning into a Darkling. Like, we already knew the whole shit parade with the new organization was going to happen in some capacity along with the fight w/ OG Xehanort, but they forgot the necessity of surprise in a narrative.

The whole deal with the new Princesses of Heart was

A: mentioned like twice, maybe, and then never expounded upon or brought up again

B: Had no bearing on the overarching narrative. What was the point of bringing it up at all?

Reintroducing Riku Replica the way they did? Hm. Okay. I can work with that. BUT!

They never showed how he helped Riku out of the Demon Tide. Just poof and he’s out and it’s all fine. Oh and the heartless gave him a nice haircut too for some reason.

They never showed how Riku Replica was able to fix Way to the Dawn?? AND THEY NEVER SHOWED HOW RIKU PULLED ANOTHER KEYBLADE OUT OF HIS ASS AGAIN.

oh also I fucking hated that the kh1 Ansem!Riku was, in fact, not Ansem!Riku, but a replica of a replica. I’m gonna pretend that’s not the case and instead imagine that’s just an attempt at a joke by Nomura that the series is needlessly complicated and makes no sense anymore (which it is)

Dark Aqua: The fact that it even happened completely invalidates any sort of character significance Blank Points had. That, and her reawakened hope from 2.8′s ending.

Well, okay, I guess it doesn’t invalidate those events with the way it happened (edit: whoops forgot to put in words), but it still seems super contrived that Aqua’s had all that time and resultant experience in the realm of darkness just so Ansem SoD could come up and kamehameha the crap outta her with some weird ball of darkness. Even if she didn’t have a keyblade. Didn’t she still have her magic?

Why did it have to be Sora that saved her? So he could look cool? Again? Lame.

it makes much more sense for Riku to save her--not only to give him a significant achievement for this game, but to also make things come full circle nice and neat: She saved him when he had to close the door, he saves her from falling to the darkness she fought for over a decade.

Nomura...do you know how dumb it is for you to make Aqua say “You’ve seen me too weak for too long” before winning a boss battle against Vanitas, who then in the next cutscene wrecks her shit? The same character who got thrown so hard he was perfectly horizontal to the ground into a child’s bedroom by The Notorious James P. Sullivan?

A PIXAR CHARACTER?? COME ON

I WOULDN’T HAVE MINDED IF YOU AT LEAST KEPT IT CONSISTENT, LIKE MAKE VANITAS A PUNK-ASS PIDDLING BRAT THE WHOLE GAME, BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP SHIT CONSISTENT IF YOU’RE GONNA HAVE CHARACTERS BE POWERFUL OR NOT! THIS ISN’T DRAGON BALL Z!

Actually, now that I think about it more, Aqua in general got fucked over in this game. Ven gets his shit wrecked by Terranort and all Aqua does is stand there, watch, and gasp? No! She Would Not Do That!

What was the point of putting Namine on the cover if she wasn’t going to even show up until the very end of the game

And. Um. I know I’m biased as hell as a Soriku shipper, but it’s more than a little weird to imply any sort of feelings between Riku and Namine (Repliku? Sure, I can roll w/ that. But not OG Riku) when they haven’t even spoken since three games ago and neither has mentioned the other once.

If you’re want your audience to be excited about the end-game ships, actually give them material throughout the series to help build chemistry! Don’t shoehorn it in! And this goes especially for SoKai!

Sora keeps flip-flopping between being his usual dandy self and being a dumbass brat. That scene where he was whining about wanting cool new clothes too was a little awkward to sit through. That and when he was teasing/bothering Hiro at the end of the Big Hero 6 world about taking the extra Baymax along on his own journey

TBH I’d probably do the same thing, since that healing spray came in hella handy and baymax does better than donald

but it’s still a little awkward to do that

I’m not even gonna talk about how they butchered the plot to Frozen. The prerendered cutscenes for Let It Go and the last scene were good tho.

and it was cool for SDG to lean on the fourth wall and wonder where the music was coming from

But did we need Anna to awkwardly sing Do You Wanna Build A Snowman in front of SDG? Nah.

lol why did they make the bug blocks from Re:Coded replace the original movie’s nanobots if it wasn’t going to be brought up or plot relevant at all

Also Sora is back to being dumb as a brick: They find a Riku that is one year younger, with yellow Norted eyes, and wearing an organization 13 coat...and Sora still thinks it’s OG Riku? Goofy had to spell it out for him, that was lame

Look if I were going to talk about Kairi this list would then be 3,000 miles long with my grievances in regards to everything involving her in this game so I’m just gonna put it into the simplest bullet points here:

Nomura’s got some serious hang-ups in regards to women. Full stop.

You can’t keep saying every fucking game that she’s gonna participate and then never have her meaningfully do so.

And the one time she does have any importance to the plot, it’s as a plot device where she fucking dies in a total Diabolus Ex Machina. Not cool, Nomura.

They clearly put a metric fuck-ton of work into the PotC world but we can’t even go inside the abandoned mansion in twilight town ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

seriously i wanted to swing on the chandeliers

And you Know the only reason why Cutler Beckett was in this game was so Nomura could throw in the scene where the ship goes down while beckett says ‘It’s just good business’

Which makes me think of another thing--Cutler effing Beckett was in this game, but Hans doesn’t even speak in Arendelle? Weird.

Terra and Riku didn’t even speak to each other and I’m so sad about that.

and I was legit pissy that Roxas and Ventus’ only acknowledgement of their nigh-identical appearances was a single weirded out shared glance

You’d think the majority of the cast would know by now not to underestimate Sora but idk whatever I guess

Yeah I’m just gonna pretend Ansem SoD and OG Xehanort didn’t have those heel-face turns and resultant pathetic attempts at sob stories when they died (I don’t give a shit what Xehanort Reports 8+9 say, I’m gonna keep my headcanon that those were attempts to trick Terra and Ven even more)

Not Xemnas, though. I’m actually okay w/ his since it makes sense and was actually built up throughout KH2 without the need for ancillary material (tell but don’t show is so godawful as a storytelling tactic and should only be used in dire measures)

Gee, I love how the only god damn time in this series Kairi is a capable fighter is when she’s turned into a sword-suit-of-armor-thing and fights Sora in a world named after a Led Zeppelin song

Also, Kairi straight up dies and Riku doesn’t really give a shit??

Seriously, what?

It makes no sense that any of The Norts™ would be able to set foot onto the Keyblade Graveyard long enough to fuck the crew’s shit up without Lingering Will to blast them into oblivion with his ultima cannon. He was supposed to be right there waiting for them. Why did we need to die and get Namine to tell him what happened? He’d have a front row seat before we even got there the first time.

So if Sora’s gone to The Final World before every time he’s gone to the Station of Awakening, why haven’t we ever seen it before kh3?

I love how the game doesn’t even acknowledge that Chirithy is technically responsible for Sora’s death at the end of KH3

This one isn’t actually a gripe, I just really wanted to point out that an adorable cat plushie was responsible for the death of the series’ protagonist

If it’s a possibility that a keyblade can be broken, why hasn’t it ever come up before?

And finally, my One True Gripe that isn’t a long-held point of contention with the series and is exclusive to KH3...

Nomura took a little too much inspiration from Dead Man’s Chest and it shows (And Naruto, and DBZ, but considering KH has basically been a shonen anime all along I guess I should have expected that)(But I especially hate that he directly mimicked Dead Man’s Chest)

#warning: it's long. it's really long #another thing I forgot: this game was too easy #I s2g I will personally fix every damn point on this list if it kills me #personal #kh #kh3

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pendulumprince · 6 years

Text

I’m screaming?? Why’s do things always go to shit during the 32nd episode.

THE TOWER OF HANOI IS DISINTEGRATING EVERYTHING

SHOICHI, YUSAKU AND AI LOOK ON IN HORROR

So everything in Link Vrains is being dissolved and turned into data

Yusaku says he has the data Ghost Girl found

Shoichi’s gonna analyze it

Go and Aoi are looking on

Aw shit, the Tower of Hanoi really does look like a tree

BACK IN SOL

KITA WANTS TO KNOW WTF IS GOING ON

HE TELLS HIS WORKERS TO DO SOMETHING OR THEY’RE ALL FIRED

Lmao Kita looks especially weird today lol

“There’s no way I’ll be promoted anymore. But there must be a way I can work this in my favor…” ugh you bitch

MEANWHILE LINK VRAINS USERS ARE BEING TURNED INTO DATA

GO ORDERS HIS ORPHAN BABIES TO STOP WATCIING

AOI NOTICES THAT THE FOLKS IN LINK VRAINS CAN’T LOG OUT

“Link Vrains is going to be destroyed!””

“Yeah. This is Revolver’s game.”

Alright alright, after the opening

Okay but real talk the Tower of Hanoi is gorgeous

Folks are watching the news

Apparently SOL Tech is shutting Link Vrains down, but people can still log in

Lmaooo, SOL’s lost control of the situation

Not like they ever really had it

The reporters start talking about something else

Naoki isn’t about that, he wants to know what’s going down in Link Vrains

But? None of the channels are reporting it??

Lmao, I see that social commentary

People are talking about it on message borards though

Naoki resolves not to go Brave Max on us for a while

“This isn’t the time for a future dueling prospect to appear. I’ll be Link brains’s newest hero after this generation is over (??)” lmao ok

Shoichi’s done analyzing Ghost Girl’s data

Okay… on the screen, an arrow is pointing at something

Yusaku thinks back to what Rev said: if he wants to stop the tower, he has to defeat Rev in a duel

“Legend says that when Hanoi’s game ends, the world will be destroyed. He’s starting that game.”

Lmaooo this dumbass bitch is gonna destroy the world to save humanity omg who toLD HIM THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA

Shoichi explains how the Tower works:

“Those rings substitute for disks. The central pillar extends from the underground erasing system. The top is connected to the Link Vrains network. The pillars lighted portion is the erasing systems core.

“Since appearing in Link Vrains, this core has continued to absorb the surrounding data. […] Yeah, an incredible amount of data. But it’s absorption speed hasn’t decreased.”

“Revolver built this using the underground erasing system.”

Ah, so that’s why is was in the Link Vrains sewer.

Shoichi goes on to explain that “this shape will create six rings. It’ll create one ring per hour.”

Yusaku asks what happens when it’s complete

“The core will release high density data to external networks.”

Ai asks what happens then.

“Computers can’t withstand this high density data. Records and programs connected to the network will vanish. Power plants, hospitals, transportation… the world will be in a huge panic. Humanity will revert to an era when there were no computers.”

OH FUCK NO

Ai figure they’ll be safe is they don’t connect to the net…

“Maybe not. If Revolver’s goal is to erase you, I’m sure he planned for that.” True true

“You’re right…”

Shoichi goes on: “The high density data will take down major devices in a chain reaction. the resulting pulse will be magnified and transmitted. So devices not connected to the network will also be destroyed. It’s like an EMP weapon.”

“And you (Ai) will be erased.”

AI IS FRIGHTENED

I, TOO, AM CONCERNED.

Shoichi thinks it’s wild that Rev is threatening the whole world just to erase Ai

Yusaku thinks all this over…

Meanwhile, in Link Vrains

KITA STEPS ONTO THE SCENE

“I’M KITAMURA, THE ONE IN CHARGE OF LINK VRAINS SECURITY FOR SOL TECHNOLOGIES! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE KNIGHTS OF HANOI’S LEADER!”

Woooooo your know he dead

… no one shows up??

“I revealed my identity and came here alone!” (lol why don’t I believe you Kita) “I’m not here to negotiate! Or trap you! I just want to talk! Please answer me!”

Still, nothing

Kita has an internal monologue:

“Since I lost control of Link Vrains, I’ll be demoted”

Listen here, you little bitch:

YOU’RE GODDAMN MCFUCKING LUCKY THAT YOUR BOSSES HAVEN’T SNUFFED YOU FOR FINDING OUT ABOUT THE LOST INCIDENT.

FORGET THAT PROMOTION MAN

RUN LIKE HELL.

“In that case, I’m disowning SOL Technologies!”

… what.

Is he looking to defect??

“I’ll change this huge punch into a huge chance!”

“What do you want?”

AHHHHH

IT’S

REV

REV CAME

ASK AND YE SHALL RECIVE

Kita looks like he just shit his pants though lmaooooo

“Who are you??”

“I’m Revolver, leader of the Knights of Hanoi.”

Lmaoooo, Kita’s planning something. Aw shit.

This should be good

“State your business. If it’s garbage, I’ll erase you.”

“T-take it easy. There’s no one in Link Vrains, except for us. All the news outlets have left, so no one is covering Link Vrains.”

“So?”

“No one is listening to us. So this will be a secret agreement just between us.”

I S2G IF HE’S TRYING TO DEFECT—

“So?” Revolver sounds so fucking bored

“I’ll get right to the point. Team up with me to rule Link Vrains.”

I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT. WHAT A FUCKING PUSSYWILLOW.

REV ALSO THINKS THIS IS HILARIOUS

Kita goes on, “I realize that you’re in a superior position than me, because Link Vrains is currently in Hanoi’s hands. But SOL Technologies won’t remain silent. They’ll do whatever it takes to regain control.

“But if I’m on your side, since I manage Link Vrains, your rule will be absolute. We can acquire a fortune if we work together.”

OH KITA. HOW YOUNG AND NIEVE YOU ARE.

“I see. How interesting.”

KITA THINKS HE DID IT HAHAHAHAAAAAA

“But if you want to join us, we must test your abilities. (to someone else) Handle this.”

Rev bounces.

“Hey! Where are you going?”

“I’m honored to meet you.” AW SHIT I KNOW THAT VOICE. “Hello. My name is Specter.”

“Specter?”

“I’ll test your abilities. In a master duel.”

“M-master duel??”

What, as opposed to a speed duel, which is exponentially more dangerous? THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS AFRAID OF A MASTER DUEL???

YOU. KNOW. HE’S. DEAD.

… anyway, BACK TO FROG AND PIGEON

THEY’RE STILL IN LINK VRAINS

LOG OUT BOYS LOG OUT

They comment on how shitty everything looks

All the other reporters have indeed left; Pigeon thinks they should, too??

“YOU FOOL! *This* is when we must report what’s happening in Link Vrains! That’s what makes us true journalists.”

“REALLY?? I didn’t know that! I thought we did on-the scene reports just like lame tabloid shows, but we’re actually true journalists!” omfg pigeon STAHP

I fuckin love these two

They get a message from their boss: “due to the success of your previous report, we permit you to stay in Link Vrains to report the news.”

THE BOSSES DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEM LMAO BUT I BELIEVE THEY CAN MAKE IT

YOU’LL LIVE, BOYS

Okay but

out in the distance

They see someone??

“Start filming!”

Back in the hotdog truck

Shoichi gets footage of Kita and Specter!

Omg that’s right, they don’t know who Specter is

HELL, BLUE ANGEL DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHO SPECTER IS.

BUT ANYWAY

SPECTER GOES IN FOR A DIRECT ATTACK

KITA GOES DOWN TO 0

SPECTER WINS!

“Taking over Link Vrains was simple. Because someone as incompetent as you was managing it.” OH SHIT, SHOTS FIRED.

Specter goes on, “Thank you, Kitamura-san. But you’re despicable. Watching you trying to manipulate Revolver was nauseating.”

That’s an… interesting expression you’ve got there, Specter

Kita starts laughing?? “C’mon, Specter! I now know how capable you are. Pleas let me join the Hanoi. Recruit me.”

I’m. Fucking. Screaming.

What a shitbag lmao

“As you wish, I’ll let you join the Hanoi…”

“Really?? :D”

“… but as data.”

He snaps his fingers, and Kita starts to vaporize.

“Stop! Don’t do it!”

That was so satisfying lmfaoooo

“You were garbage to the end. Now then” HE FACES FROG AND PIGEON, WHO WERE WATCHING ALL THIS FROM AFAR.

He speaks directly to their camera:

“This is a warning. Those who enter Link Vrains will end up the same as him.”

QUICK SHOT TO THE GOLDEN TRIO

“… but if you don’t care, feel free to come.”

FROG AND PIGEON BOUNCE.

They discuss what Specter must have meant

Omgggg my two best guys better not get turned into data

Back in the real world, Go just put his babies to sleep

Now he’s thinking deeply about life and his place in the world

He walks over to the door

Looks back on the kids…

Aoi lowkey clenches her fIst

And Yusaku, as always, isn’t about to let the KoH get away with nuttin’

Shoichi says because the Tower’s absorbing all the data material, there are no data storms except for near the Tower

Ai wants Yusaku to kick Rev’s ass, which has literally been his mission this entire time

Yusaku sets his deck, and

AHHH

MY THREE STUPID BABIES WENT IN AT THE SAME TIME

Hella hella

Now in Link Vrains

FROG AND PIGEON ARE BURIED IN THE SAND

FROG RESOLVES TO DIE WITH HONOR, BUT

THEY SEE PLAYMAKER ENTER LINK VRAINS

Omg that Tower is so aesthetically pleasing

Anyway, ‘Go’ calls out to Playmaker

Blue Angel’s here, too

Playmaker wants to know what they’re doing there; ‘Go’ was about to ask the same thing

“Especially you, Blue Angel! I thought you only fought for yourself.”

“I learned something from my duels. When people believe in you, you’re fighting for everyone. So Blue Angel fights for everyone from now on!”

FUCK YEAH

‘Go’ agrees. “I’m Link Vrains’s hero, so it’s my mission to protect this place!”

Ai still thinks ‘Go’ is extra af

“So that’s ignis, the special AI.”

“I HAVE A WONDERFUL NAME, YOU KNOW! AI!” (Omgggg my ship is going strong even after all these tumultous years) “Call me Master Ai-sama from now on! Actually, Lord Ai! No, Professor Ai! No, Aiai!” lmaooo ok

Blue Angel asks Playmaker why he’s there

For three reasons, as always:

“One, I’ll stop the Tower of Hanoi that’s causing this.

Two, I’ll rescue Ghost Girl, who gave me info about that Tower.

And three, I must end i with the person behind this incident.”

Does

Does he think Revolver was involved in The Lost Incident

Does he not know that Rev is 100% in their age range lmao

But something catches Blue Angel’s interest: “Something happened to Ghost Girl?”

“Yeah. Revolver, the Knights of Hanoi’s leader, defeated her. She was turned into data and absorbed into the core.”

“No way!”

‘Go’ asks about what Ghost Girl gave him

Playmaker tells ‘em all about Revolver’s crazy ass plan to destroy the entire network by erasing everything in it

Blue Angel: “But if that happens… won’t it erase the consciousnesses of Ghost Girl and everyone who was absorbed?”

AW SHIT

“Exactly. That’s why I must stop it before it activates.”

Ai throws in that he doesn’t want to be erased, either

‘Go’ asks how they can defeat it, and Playmaker tells them, by defeating Revolver

Ai confirms that they only have six hours

Rev is apparently waiting at the Tower of Hanoi

Playmaker wants to end shit with him already

Blue Angel and ‘Go’ decide they’re going to the Tower, too

Playmaker tells them to go the fuck home, it’s too dangerous

They tell him to fuck off (you know. essentially lmao)

“It’s my duty to protect the children’s futures, dreams and hopes!” DAMNIT ‘GO’ STOP BEING SO PURE

Blue Angel feels the same; they’ve also gotta rescue Ghost Girl

Playmaker tells them to do whatever they want lmaooo ok

So one of them is bound to defeat Revolver

Playmaker warns them about Revolver’s “terrifying card”

Blue Angel: “let’s meet again if we’re still alive” hot damn girl that as raw, I love it

‘Go’ wishes them luck

They split up!

AND

FROG AND PIGEON CAUGHT IT ALL ON TAPE

MY BEST BOYS ARE GETTING THEIR BONUSES, HELL YEAH

Wait

WAIT

PIGEON FORGOT TO FILM THEM

OMG WHAT A DUMB FUCK

GO GET THAT SCOOP, ASSHOLES

… anyway, back to the Tower

Blue Angel’s running towards it, all by her lonesome

But! She senses a presence!

“Stop hiding and come out!”

“Oh, have my wishes come true?”

AW SHIT IT’S SPECTER

Blue Angel recognizes him from the telly

“My name is Specter. This is the second time we meet, Blue Angel.”

“Second time?”

“Let me open the door deep in your heart.”

He snaps his fingers, and…!

SHE REMEMBERS HER FIRST MEETING WITH HIM

“You implanted that computer virus in me!”

“It was a present! Because I’m your fan.”

“Tell me why you’re doing this!”

“There’s no point telling you.” (Aw what a cop out, spill the beans you bitch.) “Its like when hobbies and beliefs are incompatible.”

“Hobbies?”

“A lowly idol can’t understand the ideas of those with noble beliefs.”

Oh shut the fuck up, you pompous windbag.

Blue Angel isn’t buying it either. “Big talk.”

“Revolver ordered me to annihilate everyone who invades this world. If you want to flee, now’s the time.”

“I’ll send those words back to you! I’ll defeat you! And Revolver!”

“I can’t ignore what you said. No matter how many weaklings arrive, you’re no match for Revolver.”

“Want to test that?”

“You don’t back down… even though you know best what will happen.”

“You’ll implant another computer virus?”

“No. It will be much worse. You’ll never return to the real world again. Fine with that?”

“… fine. In order to protect Link Vrains, Blue Angel will defeat you!”

HELL YES SHE WILL

“You’re making me shiver.” (OH DAMN HERE COMES OUR VERY FIRST NIGHTMARE FACE.) “LET’S HAVE A MASTER DUEL.”

Bitch, you’re just afraid of getting on a d-board, admit it.

Blue Angel isn’t fazed. Girl was ready tp throw down yesterday. “Fine. Let’s go!”

“I’m looking forward to this! :D”

ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO

BLUE ANGEL VS. SPECTER

SPECTER GOES FIRST

HE SUMMONS A 0 ATK MONSTER

AND? LINK SUMMONS ALREADY??

There are Link 1 monsters lol why didn’t I know that

SPECTER LINK SUMMONS

HE SUMMONS THIS WILD LOOKING TREE MONSTER AT 0 ATK

AHHH YES

THAT HAS TO BE THE “SACRED TREE”

FUCK

Okay, that’s it

Preview time!

So… Blue Angel is a storybook character now?

“A girl was captivated by a picture book that was read to her. Acting tough, she wants to be alone. But she’s crying inside. But the hero helps her to be courageous and accept herself for the first time. The name of the book is… Blue Angel!”

ALRIGHT, OUR KIDS HAVE FIVE AND A HALF HOURS LEFT

THE DUEL CONTINUES!

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tumblunni · 6 years

Text

OKAY SO THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG

Man it REALLY sucks that the only place you can’t take screenshots is in the cutscenes. SO MUCH GODDAMN PLOT HAPPENED!! I’m gonna try and sum it up! basically ORESHIKA GOT REAL

* Okay so to recap what’s happened before: we’re a magic cursed clan of zombie doods who need to defeat Abe No Senmei to break the curse. We can each only live for two years, so the game is built on hundreds of generations of this family marching into death over and over again until eventually some great great grandkid might get a normal life back. But oddly enough it isn’t actually as super dark as expected, cos you dont really have any personality or bonding scenes with the family members. I kinda stopped getting very upset after the first three generations, now theyve just become a bunch of numbers that i have to selectively breed to make a better next generation. Seriously its been OVER 150 CHARACTERS SO FAR and I’’m only around 2/3rds through the game! And like the plot also seemed super simple and it didn’t feel like anything was gonna happen to anyone outside of the backstory?? I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO GET SO REAL

* Abe No Seimei is a cool smarmy ass jerk villain with a neat design and a weird ancient japanese hand puppet. like this really funky cool wooden mask thing with a giant wig that I legit thought was an actual demon attatched to his arm until it started having clickitty clack face animations. I got REALLY UNUSUALLY SAD ABOUT THAT! Cos seriously abe no seimei is just.. weirdly.. nice...? He keeps telling you how to defeat him, he waits to do all his evil plots when you’re there to watch him, he literally sends you letters to come to his grand feasts celebrating each evil plan. And its so fuckin mysterious and getting to know him is really the only thing driving the plot forwards, cos none of your characters have actual voices. And like.. he’s this immortal guy who seems like he wants to die, and he’s deliberately playing the villain so you guys will be motivated enough to find out a way to do it. And like HE HAS ONLY ONE FRIEND and its HIMSELF DOING A STUPID PUPPET PAL VOICE. i’m really abnormally upset that onigashira isn’t really alive! His cute comedy sidekick doesnt exist! MR SERIOUS VILLAINMAN IS DOING THAT VOICE ALL ALONE IN HIS STUPID SAD HOUSE why do i want to hug this horrible jerkface

* Okay but then the other mystery we have is the character Nueko, who’s a weird demigod of some sort who can reincarnate in human form. She’s the one who gave us our magic zombie powers in the first place, she’s got the power to DIE HORRIBLY REPEATEDLY AND FEED PEOPLE HER BLOOD in order to cure them of deadly diseases and bring them back to life and stuff. And this actually becomes a gameplay thing! You can repeatedly bring her back as a new human reincarnation, and then her special skills let her shield allies from damage at the cost of basically going poof back to the heavens again. Its a really useful relief from the punishing permadeath! While not being overpowered cos she can only save one person per dungeoncrawl, and you cant reincarnate her again for a while afterwards. Anyway she keeps popping up every now and again like ‘hey guys i slept off that last death’ and being a super helpful badass team mom and such. But then THE PLOT STARTS HAPPENING EVERYWHERE Cos it turns out she’s got ~magical anime amnesia~ and doesnt understand her demigodness any better than we do. But wtf why does this evil sorcerer man keep implying he knows some secret about her...?

* THE PLOT TWIST SHE’S HIS MOM HIS MOM and seriously I LOVE ONIGASHIRA SO MUCH its like Nueko: What did you say?! Onigashira: *literally looks out the fourth wall* Did you hear it, kids? He totally said “waaaah, mummy, I missed you so much”, right! Literal actual player prompt: Yes/No Bunni, of course: SLAM THAT YES And oh god its just so extra funny cos Seimei actually doesnt even deny it?? He cracks a semi genuine smile and just looks embarassed, its so weird cos its like the only time he hasnt been all smug grumpy asshole. And I mean if it is indeed true that Onigashira is just a puppet, then the whole thing was his genuine feelings from the start.. ... though also DOES THAT MEAN SEIMEI CAN SEE THROUGH THE FOURTH WALL its weird how thats MORE SCARY than the literal demon doing it! like i feel like the game wants me to be scared of onigashira but he’s just SO CUTE AND FUNNY and I really dont want him to be imaginary okay. can we adopt him after we defeat seimei :(

* BUT ANYWAY UMM Yeah, Nueko is actually his mum despite looking younger than him! He kinda inherited her reincarnation power in a broken way, cos he’s half human. Instead of experiencing multiple lives whenever he chooses it, and getting to nap in the clouds in between, instead he just CANNOT DIE NO MATTER HOW MUCH PUNISHMENT HE TAKES. Seriously he introduced himself by setting himself on fire, burning to a crisp and then growing back his skin right in front of us, just to prove it! I can honestly relate to this guy going mad if he’s had to put up with this super crappy immortality that he never even asked for. And also its gotta sting to see that his own mum gets to stay more youthful looking, lol. i mean he’s pretty bishie too right now, but I’m assuming he’d actually continue to age and thats gotta suck!

* Oh and there’s this really cool element that all the bosses that Seimei summons to figth you become new powerups for Nueko! Its an early clue about their connection- at first she’s like WTF WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, but then it turns out these bosses actually originally were her familiars and she left them to look after her son. So they’re still loyal to her original command until she defeats them in battle. Also the WAY these familiars get used is EXTRA SUPER COOL! They’re sealed in magic tattoos all over her body, so she gets more sweet ink every time you reach a storyline milestone. And then she doesn’t just summon them or just boost her stats, she friggin GROWS MASSIVE MONSTER ARMS ALL OVER THE SHOP! Like I was so worried when her design looked all fanservicey at first, but then she’s never degraded in any way and she gets this super disservice power lol. I can’t imagine any smut fanfiction with her! “Yes hunny i will take off my bra and then BRING OUT THE CRAB ARMS” She grows fuckin CRAB ARMS! And snake heads for legs! She can shoot different demons out of all of her limbs and grow giant horns and wing hair and breathe fire and holy fuckin shit yo. And she’s really fuckin terrifyingly stoic badass even before she unlocks her powers! She could probably crush your head in her palm and not even need the crab. basically I Love Strong Mom

* Oh and apparantly Nueko’s husband was another god who got erased from history? Literally nobody is able to say his name, it comes out as garbled scribbled out text. And at the moment its ambiguous what happened, but it might be possible that he was actually sniped out by his fellow gods for being TOO GOOD. Like, he wanted to make peace with demons and give a bigger share fo divine power to humans, and everyone else was all ‘BUT THE STATUS QUO’ and stabbed him in the back. possibly? Maybe? ITS ALL SO MYSTERY!!

* so ANYWAY ANYWAY a required other thing for explaining the EMOTIONALLY DESTRUCTIVE MOMENT is that there’s this duo of minor helpful npcs i never mentioned before, cos i honestly didnt think they were gonna be important there’s this justice-powered cute princess who’s determined to do political stuffs to clear your clan’s name and let you back into your former land, though all you really see of it is that she makes a few sentences of progress every time you get back from a story dungeon. And then there’s her grumpy ass bodyguard who’s kinda your rival? he’s always hating on you while she always supports you, and its like he’s jealous cos he has a crush on her and doesnt want commoners talking to his precious princes. And blablabla ‘i am the only one strong enough to protect her GRARR i need to get stronger how did you defeat me’ yadda yadda. Except you dont even get to fight him, again its just like one sentence every story dungeon where he says he was totally gonna rescue the magical artifact you beat him to. Even tho he doesnt do it no matter how many years pass, lol So yeah we like.. didnt really even know them very well, but also they felt like this comforting constant that would never leave? GuesS WHAT THE EMOTIONALLY DESTRUCTIVE BIT WAS

* Okay so HEY SEIMEI KIDNPPED PRINCESS LADY HAHA JUST AN ORDINARY DAMSEL IN DISTRESS PLOT we’re TOTALLY gonna successfully get her back, this is probably just filler... HA... HA... HA...

* The rollercoaster of emotions begins! Hey onigashira might actually really be alive! Apparantly this puppet mask is haunted, or something? like onigashira is the name of a whole set of masks that give you super power if you wear them, but turn you beserker loopy demon man. Though they dont seem to be sentient or anything and also like nobody else seems to be able to wear them without losing their humanity?? So like did seimei escape the curse by wearing it as a hand puppet instead? or is the puppet not connected to the masks at all? Or is it gonna be something lame like seimei was never in control of his actions and the puppet is sentient and is the real baddie? COS I LIKE HIM BEING THE CUTE COMIC RELIEF YO Oh, wait, like.. maybe its something like seimei is possessed by the mask but the mask isnt really alive and like.. doing ventriloquism is just his random symptom of this ambiguously defined madness? Like instead of going beserker it made him ‘give in to his instincts’ in a different way, so he stays mostly in control but involuntarily expresses his true hidden feelings through the puppet. Hence why it is the best and cutest goofball who encourages him to be honest and hug his mom. OR JUST I DUNNO I JUST KNOW I HAVE MY FAITH SLIGHTLY RESTORED THAT CUTE SIDEKICK MIGHT BE REAL AND I CAN ADOPT HIM

* but hey guess what happened right after that happy moment of wow cool yay in the middle of me being like ‘yay seimei is so cool yay onigashira is actually gonna play a bigger plot role than just a sidekick and may actually be his own separate character’ SUDDENLY THEY KILL THE SAMURAI And like OHHH NO they dont even JUST kill the samurai I was still thinking the moment was cool!! Seimei throws a second mask on him and curses him to fight the party and i was just like WOW YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD and WHAT A COOL BOSS FIGHT CONCEPT And like I was proud of myself for sweeping the fight super quickly?? I just thought he’d be fine once we got the mask off??? BUT NO HE’S FUCKIN DEAD WE COULDNT UNDO THE CURSE WE JUST HAD TO KILL HIM AND THEY SHOW HIS VERY GRAPHICALLY BLOODIED CORPSE and like his whole plotline got cut off with no resolution?? he only existed to die here?? THE WRITERS NEVER HAD ANY INTENTION OF LETTING HIM CONFESS HIS PRINCESS LOVE. AND HE ALSO NEVER MADE UP WITH US AND LEARNED FROM HIS RIVAL PLOTS he just died really sadly and then like FOR THE SECOND TIME ONLY IN THE ENTIRE GAME we had an actual dialogue choice to decide the personality of our hero first time: lol onigashira mommy jokes second time: pick one of three ways to try and soften the blow as you tell the rescued princess that her childhood friend and crush just died horribly :(

* :(

* the one I picked was telling her he died saving her, not that he was the one being mind controlled to threaten her. :(

* I DIDNT EVEN LIKE YOU GRUMPY DUDE BUT YOU DESERVED BETTER THAN THAAAAAT

* look can i just headcanon that he became a guardian spirit like my characters can do if they get that rare random event. or like.. geez.. why couldnt nueko use her ressurection powers on him if she could do it for us?? they should have at least had a line of dialogue saying something like ‘it cant be done cos his soul was corrupted by the demon power’ or something...

* MAY YOU RESOLVE YOUR DAMN PLOTLINE IN THE AFTERLIFE, GRUMP FRIEND

* also seimei I am fuckin pissed. you have been promoted from trash boss who i kinda wanna give a hug to the same thing but without the hug now. you dont even deserve your sweet sidekick! IM TAKING YOUR DAMN PUPPET PAL, SHITTY POOP MAN i fuckin SWEAR if this game doesnt end with me ripping that puppet out of his hands i am gonna throttle a bitch

* ALSO I FUCKIN SWEAR IF THEY PULL A ‘PUPPET PAL WAS THE REAL VILLAIN AND SEIMEI WAS BRAINWASHED’ I AM GONNA DOUBLE CHOKE YA inm gonna fuckin build my own puppet with animatronic stranglin’ hands

#bunni plays oreshika #I WILL NOT CEASE IN MY ENDLESS BELIEF IN PUPPET PAL

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