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swallowerofdharma · 21 days

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Yashiro’s Cruel God part one

Disclaimer: this post contains a detailed and straightforward analysis of chapter 25. Doumeki isn’t the villain, if you were worried about that. Actually I must apologize because I wanted to talk about him too, but as usual I started this meta with Yashiro and got carried away. This is also why I am dividing it in parts to avoid having a very very long post. So other parts will hopefully follow to fully elaborate the premise I made. Thank you for understanding. And please take care of your wellbeing, if mentioning Yashiro’s stepfather upset you, maybe skip this one.

Premise: not a matter of perfection but of balance

This person I followed reblogged the Declarations of healthy adulthood by David Richo in big big font and - having only one thought on my mind apparently - I read all that text in Yashiro’s POV. I actually don’t think that this is a perfect model or anything, and I am generally skeptical of self help books (I only assume this is something like it), but why not use this as an example, while considering something that I find interesting about Yashiro and Doumeki? During the discussion about the latest chapter, I said something along the lines of Doumeki representing young love, while Yashiro’s approach has been more mature, and I meant it thinking about Yashiro being aware and cautious about hurting others [and being intentional when he does, since he put a bullet in Doumeki’s leg] and being quite self reliant, and yes I know that he is also afraid of being hurt/loved! in previous posts here, I have mentioned that Yashiro’s acceptance of his past is only-in-part denial or downplaying of trauma, because it has been also a strategy and an impressive sign of his maturity and determination to live in the present. Isn’t it exceptional that Yashiro doesn’t seem all that resentful of his parents? That he openly says that he doesn’t blame others? We have to confront his words always mindful of the fact that he usually is an unreliable narrator, but in many instances he says the truth or half truths and his demeanor confirmed that he did some of what David Richo proposes: I accept full responsibility for the shape my life has taken; I accept that I may never feel I am receiving - or have received - all the attention I seek; One by one, I drop every expectation of people and things; I let go of blame, regret, vengeance, and the infantile desire to punish those who hurt or reject me; No one can or needs to bail me out. I am not entitled to be taken care of by anyone or anything, I let go of control without losing control.

I thought that it was very interesting to consider the Yashiro/Doumeki dynamics from different angles, like older/younger, or even realist/romantic, for example. The point of this experiment isn’t to make a comparison of merit nor to talk about a character in better light than another. Maybe those differences need to be confronted or balanced: for example the realist maybe needs some of the romantic’s idealism to soar and not be stuck on the ground. Yoneda-san might be onto something so human and amazing here. An important clarification is due before saying anything else. As characters that are written as full human beings, with their complexity and contradictions, Yashiro and Doumeki can’t be put neatly into the opposite categories I proposed. The story is much more dynamic, so I ask you to take a further step and put those opposites at the ends of a spectrum and to move our characters freely in both directions. Yashiro tends toward being effectively the older and more realistic one but he has traits that make him move down towards the other end too, even to the extreme of being childish. Consider for example these other statements, from the Declarations of healthy adulthood: I need never fear my own truth, powers, fantasies wishes, thoughts, sexuality, dreams, or ghosts; When change and growth scare me, I still choose them. I may act with fear, but never because of it; I am still safe when I cease following the rules my parents (or others) set for me; If people knew me as I really am, they would love me for being human like them. These points clearly demonstrate Yashiro’s unresolved problems, where he is stuck if you want, and why probably nobody believed me when I pointed at him as being mature (eh, he has his moments tho, you can’t deny that).

I challenge everyone to consider that those four points in particular are quite challenging for most people in general, but particularly so for someone who has fear/betrayal as the foundational principle in their childhood instead of a normal amount even a scarse amount of parental love/safety. And I want to underline childhood here, not teenage years or later.

I need never fear my own truth, powers, fantasies wishes, thoughts, sexuality, dreams, or ghosts. Yashiro here is a mix of contradictions, because he outwardly seems to own those things, even making them a point of his persona, but most of those things are based on the lies he told himself, or his stepfather told him: see this other point

I am still safe when I cease following the rules my parents (or others) set for me. Isn’t this statement extremely helpful to understand Yashiro’s situation? To feel safe he had to build his personality according to the rules of the one who had all the power over him and had already taken away any sense of security from him. This is probably one of those things that can be hard to understand when you have never been there. Most notably, not only in the manga this has been pointed out, but it has been pointed out by Yashiro himself. He is self conscious of this, he knows that he lied to himself as a child, that he had to, and he is constantly choosing to continue lying because that is still the only foundation he has. There was no familial love, no other relative safety. Letting go of the lies actually means going to pieces and breaking down.

This isn’t different from what happens to people who are tortured. Yashiro’s father completely took away any sense of security and safety. The aggravating circumstances were that Yashiro as a child didn’t have any other point of reference or knowledge to understand what was happening with his body and in that state of mind what his father told him had to be the only truth possible. Parents who abuse their children most often don’t even realize what they are doing to its full extent. That’s the immense cruelty of these types of situations. The rules are lies, but the lies are rules to follow to be safe:

You like it when it hurts, right? If it doesn’t hurt, I can’t get into it.

What happened in chapter 25: why now?

Yashiro didn’t want to have sex with Doumeki and said so repeatedly. Doumeki has grown on him, behind liking his physical appearance or using him as a substitute for Kageyama: Yashiro truly liked this person and he liked that Doumeki was impotent. Thanks to that, Yashiro grew comfortable around Doumeki and with comfort and safety comes familiarity. When Yashiro discovered that the impotence was gone, he was angry and terrified. They had become too close and now the premise has changed and Yashiro couldn’t trust Doumeki or himself anymore. I won’t analyze here the scene in the shower but I’ll skip to the point. Doumeki only understood that his love was required, that he was wanted and stopped thinking. He acted passionately like any young person who had a normal foundation in love would. He didn’t understand anything that Yashiro asked or why there were mixed signals and what it all meant. He pushed and hurt and broke without being aware of what he was doing.

And Yashiro was trapped in a situation he had tried to escape from his all life: with a person who felt familiar, a person he loved and relied on, in the safety of a home, who wanted sex and was going to do what he wanted regardless of what Yashiro had to say. Yashiro desperately tried to control what was happening through usual patterns, making it hurt, asking Doumeki to do from behind, detaching the sex from his emotions, but he couldn’t and for the first time in his life sex was different from what he knew, because while Yashiro had loved his stepfather, his father didn’t love him and he didn’t treat him like Doumeki did. And every lies built around his father’s abuse came to the surface. Including the fact that his father never loved him. Doumeki broke him indeed because he broke through the lies/rules upon which Yashiro had intentionally built his entire personality/safety. And he wasn’t ready for it, he specifically said he didn’t want it, he had known all along, he already knew when men before Doumeki tried to make love to him and when he built a strategy to specifically avoid being confronted with those lies/rules. He didn’t love those men. He did love Doumeki though. But once again Yashiro didn’t have a choice. And he was physically hurt and recovering after being shot and knowing his life was in danger outside of that room. He had just discovered that Doumeki lied about being impotent the previous time he touched him in the car and before that. It was probably the worst timing possible for making love. At some point Yashiro grew resigned and even reciprocated a little, reaching for Doumeki, caressing his face, and he even reassured him before he fell asleep. There were words that Doumeki said that Yoneda didn’t disclose fully, choosing instead to immediately took us in the flashback with Yashiro. I think it is probable that what Doumeki said was something that Yashiro’s father had said and that we are going to confront before the end of the manga. I personally want to know these words more than what Yashiro said while an airplane passed by and Doumeki was unconscious. Morbid maybe on my part.

I have stated that I am not going to make Doumeki a villain here. The point of this analysis is just to see where Doumeki was in terms of maturity. To be continued…

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru analysis #yashiro #doumeki chikara #yashiro x doumeki #yoneda kou #eri reads saezuru

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vhs-rs · 1 year

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Since the paintings were shared in their full glory the other day, I decided to go ahead and elaborate a bit further on this - but also simple enough that its just this one image lol. 👍

Thoughts?

Also some side notes / tangents to this:

The Star and the Moon collector appear to be presenting the Starchild (our collector) to the others (the Planet and the Sun collector). Despite how little detail there is in such a piece, you can tell they are proud of this little gremlin and enough so to introduce them.

Trailing slightly off of the previous note is the fact that every portrait has the Star collector alongside the main focus being each collector. @kickfwip and I think it’s depicting the Star collector gathering everyone together to tell them of the news - as the planets are in a line with the sun, and the Star is seen around the Planet and then right in front of the Sun. Likely that all of these depictions from the right side of the hallway are pre-titan war era events and whoever it was that disappeared (I think it was the Planet) really pissed the collectors off.

I am 100% definitely most absolutely very much certain that the Sun collector is the Grand Huntsman - tho the credit for that understanding and realization goes to @sepublic :) - and the Moon collector is the one that was responsible for trapping the owl beast in a scroll. The Moon being the one to trap an owl of all things is what really pulls me in deeper on this, like why did they do it? Of course there was some kind of lengthy chase that had been happening as implied by the lines spoken, but why??? Man if only we had time for 20 more adventures…

The Sun really said, “No you’re doing it wrong. Let ME show you how its done,” and then proceeded to slay. I don’t know why but the fact that my homie turned into a buff cult leader capable of genocide is really intriguing in comparison to whatever the Moon was doing. 😭

#the owl house #the collector toh #toh the collector #collector toh #toh theory

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rescue-ram · 3 months

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Elaborating on my previous post in as unborked a way as possible....

In S1-S3, TrapHawk and FrankMarg are often contrasted as dueling couples very explicitly. So I'm going to take my statement "Hawkeye is more effeminate but Trapper is more feminine" and apply it to Frank and Margaret to clarify what I mean.

"Frank is more effeminate than Margaret, but Margaret is more feminine than Frank." Frank is unmanly, in a hypocritical, denying, self-deluding kind of way. He's a poser, and the humor comes from having his pose exposed as fraudulent and inauthentic. Hawkeye is also unmanly, but in a cool way, because he owns it and deliberately shirks what's expected of him "as a man" because he has no intrinsic respect for it. The humor comes from his rebellion and self-confident outrageousness. Margaret is more traditionally masculine in many ways than Frank, something which is played for (sexist) humor in its own right, and to contrast how unmanly Frank is by comparison and heighten his jokes. Trapper's masculinity plays a similar role- while he sometimes plays the sissy to back up Hawkeye, he more frequently acts as a straight man to heighten the contrast and make Hawkeye funnier.

So when I'm talking about feminity, I'm thinking of it not just as "unmanliness", but as "traditional feminine role". Margaret plays that to Frank- she's supporting him, hyping him up, she's his distaff counterpart. A lot of their humor is that old school Punch and Judy "nagging wife and henpecked husband" stuff, for sure, but there's no question that he's the main antagonist and she's backing him up. I think when people say she doesn't become her own character until he leaves, it's because she's so much his other half while they're together. Trapper is also playing a supporting role to Hawkeye- he's also the helpmeet, the supporter, the other half. In some ways I think he actually plays to the ideal of traditional feminity better because he doesn't subvert Hawkeye the way Margaret will do to Frank sometimes. I'm sure I'm forgetting something but I can think of like two times Trapper puts Hawkeye down for a joke, while Hawkeye does put Trapper down semi-frequently. Similarly, Trapper plays a caretaking role semi-frequently but I can only think of two times Hawkeye plays that role for Trapper. If under patriarchy to be a man is to be in charge, to be independent, to be your own person, who's the man in Trapper and Hawkeye's relationship? Not Trapper.

Contrasting Trapper with a few other characters just to further clarify my thinking on this... Klinger also has the Bugs Bunny effeminacy as rebellion humor going on, but he isn't a feminine person- the humor is the incongruity between his masculine bearing and his behavior. Radar plays a support role to Henry as well as to TrapHawk, but he is very much his own wily little person, he isn't "the other half" to anyone in particular, and although he's "unmanly" he's unmanly in the ways boys are, not women. He isn't a feminine person. A lot of Henry's humor comes from playing around with his masculinity, but it's never directly or pervasively subverted or questioned. I think Mulcahy kind of comes closest to "feminine man", but his rather soft and supportive nature is also contrasted with his outbursts of more conventional masculinity, even in S1-S3 when he's a more minor character.

I could point to other things that give Trapper a feminine vibe to me, even though he's not unmanly, things that are kind of female coded in our culture- his quietness, his neatness, his fondness for kids, his morality especially- but my thesis here is Hawkeye's effeminacy is an act of self-assertion, and Trapper's feminity is a role of support.

#difficult to articulate this in a way that doesn't sound like im uncritically endirsing the sexist gender roles that this is based on #but hopefully this makes sense??? kfjshdj #mash

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callie-the-creator · 9 months

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nsfw alphabet with…

cw. mdni.

a - aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

like any man after sex, he’s going to become incredibly tired and is bound to fall asleep a few minutes after you two are done. he needs it, especially after the hell he goes through whenever he goes on his archeological adventures. but in the small window of time before he goes to bed, he spends that time pampering you with love. he’ll shower your neck, shoulders, and chest in kisses while he has his strong arms wrapped around your body.

b - body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

it’s no secret that indy is a bit of a womanizer and in his years of experience, he has grown incredibly confident in his own skin. with that being said, i think to say that his favorite attribute of his has to be either his hair or…y’know…the schlong.

yours though? i think it’s safe to say that he’s a sucker for your beautiful eyes and thighs…hey, that rhymed!

c - cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

indiana would 100% respect your boundaries. you don’t want him to cum inside? that’s perfectly fine— is your chest a suitable substitute?

d - dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

n/a. sorry! i can’t really think of anything for him. i feel like he’d be an open book to you when it comes to all things sexual and wouldn’t want to hide anything from you.

e - experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

of course! indiana has lots of experience, so there is no need to worry when he’s taking care of you.

f - favorite position (this goes without saying)

missionary or doggy. i will not elaborate further.

g - goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

if he hasn’t been able to see or touch you in weeks or months because he’s out somewhere in the world on another one his adventures, by the time he gets back home he is not a force to be reckoned with. he would be deadly serious and a touch from you would calm him down in a heartbeat. of course, he has a goofy side to him. he is not afraid to be a bit corny.

h - hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

realistically, i think he’d try to keep it trimmed. he has a well amount of body hair, but nothing too overwhelming. if you don’t believe me, just look at his beautiful chest hair. awooga!

i - intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

it truly depends on his mood. indiana could praise and cherish you as if you were some sort of ancient deity one night and treat you the complete opposite the next.

j - jack off (masturbation headcanon)

yes, he does jerk off, not a lot, just when you’re not around to help. he mainly does it on his expeditions since you’re safe at home and he can rest easy knowing that you’re not about to get yourself hurt trying to retrieve whatever artifact he’s searching for. but the truth is that his hand pales in comparison to you…

k - kink (one or more of their kinks)

something tells me he has a ‘daddy’ kink. he’s fond of any name that gives him a sense of power and he also loves being called other things whether that is ‘sir’, ‘doctor’, or even ‘professor’.

l - location (favorite places to do the do)

strictly the bedroom, but if you’re nice and persuade him long enough, then maybe he’ll have some fun with you in his office.

m - motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

nothing folds his man quicker than seeing you in a skirt or even a nice dress. though…he will admit that he just loves seeing you get all coy and shy around him. you not to mention the noises you make when he fucks you get him even more hard than he already is, especially little high pitched squeaks you struggle to hold in but they escape past your lips nonetheless.

n - no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

no blindfolds, handcuffs, fearplay, or anything like that. indiana has been captured times countless times and evaded many foes. going into the things listed before would throw this man for a major loop.

o - oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

indiana finds oral a little weird at first, but you were able to change his mind real quick. he usually prefers to receive but always makes sure you’re satisfied, whether you cum on his tongue, his fingers, or his cock. but he’ll have you have free range when you’re going down on him, but when it’s his turn? he’ll make sure to be gentle with you…unless you prefer him to be a bit rough with you. he is at your very command.

p - praise (are they complementary toward their partner?)

oh, absolutely! you already know this man is going to call you every pet name in the book when you two are making love. honey, sweetheart, you name it.

q - quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

i am a firm believer that indiana would take his time with you. so, no funny business! while he doesn’t necessarily support the idea, he definitely won’t reject the idea if you were to offer.

r - risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

no. nope. absolutely not. he’s a professor, for goodness sake! he has a reputation to uphold. of course, if you were abroad on a vacation, trip, or adventure…then that’s another story entirely.

s - stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

in a row? indiana usually go one or two before he passes out, but he makes it for in stamina. he’ll probably fuck you until the break of dawn if you were to give him the proper chance.

t - toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

n/a. i am not knowledgeable in sex toys from this time, so i don’t think i can really answer this part. sorry!

u - unfair (do they like to tease their partner?)

hohoho, you’re in a wild ride. indiana can be a huge tease when he wants to be, he enjoys how dependent you are on him for pleasure and sometimes he’ll leave you on the edge just to hear you whine and beg for him. he’s a master at knowing when you’re just about to finish and he’ll pull back while you shake, so close it hurts.

v - volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

i don’t think he’s all that loud. in fact, i think mainly narrows down to grunts and lots of praises (bonus points if his voice cracks or is raspy in the moment).

w - wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

n/a. i got nothing…

x - x-ray (let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture, or words)

in terms of length, i would say that indiana is slightly above average.

y - yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

about average, but with all those expeditions away from you? it might as well have increased his sex drive because he can’t stop thinking about you. he needs to focus! those artifacts aren’t going to find themselves, after all.

z - zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

as i said before, it doesn’t take long…i’ll give it abouuuut…5 minutes tops.

#indiana jones #henry jones jr #harrison ford #indiana jones x reader #indiana jones imagine #indiana jones smut #indiana jones x you #smut #indiana jones fic #indiana jones/reader #raiders of the lost ark #the temple of doom #the last crusade #the crystal skull #the dial of destiny #classic

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amaiaqt · 10 months

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤミㅤdream on, dreamerㅤ⋆ ｡˚ㅤ♡ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤhow do they encourage you when you don't acknowledge ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤyour own efforts ? ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤxiao, diluc, wanderer, al haitham !

second post of my 200 special ! hope the difference in prompt for each part brings a good read to everyone !

@https-heizou @papiliotao @lovevivi444 @kazumist @ilyuu

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ｡ﾟ ⊹ㅤalatus xiao ! ㅤ

xiao is not the most talented in expressing his affections, he's far from it, but he does try.

he tries to understand you, to understand what you find so special in something he so sees to be trivial, to understand how your mind processes the smallest instances or comments he makes as endearing to you, to understand your personal view in mortal life. he tries to see value in the small matters you see of importance. he doesn't understand you, but because of his unfortunately tangled heartstrings that tug on each other at the thought of you, he has to try at the very least. no, it's not has, he's not obligated to. really, he just wants to.

that was when he first met you, when your presence first piqued his interest.

now, now he does understand you. he understands the importance of small things to you, he understands that you may think differently in comparison to him, that you may value things he does not. he understands now after months of trying his best to even begin to comprehend your mind.

the only thing left that he doesn't understand about you, is your self-criticism.

he sees your efforts, he sees how serious you are about what you do, he sees how dedicated you are to your work, and he deems you worthy of acknowledgement for that. why is it that you don't ? why is it that you've come this far, and yet, you can't acknowledge yourself for that ?

if xiao's not the best in expressing his affections, you also can't expect him to be all that experienced in showing tender support, but he also tries ! he always, always tries. for you. he always tries, his absolute best, for you.

"why are you so..." he pauses, choosing his words as he thinks thoroughly about how to word what he wants to say. he gulps, hesitant, but the way your eyes met his with expectance, he shakes his head. "why are you always so harsh with yourself ?" he finally finishes, eyebrows knotting in seriousness. the way you looked at him, it urged him to elaborate further on what he meant — "you often criticize your own work, think lowly of them, even. also, don't think i don't notice that look of disapproval in your eyes when you're skimming through the words you just wrote in front of me, words that tell stories i would find myself comfort in." he takes your hand in both of his, cupping it up to his lips as he sits in front of you, opting to silence while waiting for your response. "xiao," you took a deep breathe and he looked up at you patiently, "it's just, i'm not that harsh on myself, i promise." you place your hand on top of his that still cupped your other to his lips.

"it's that i admire you, your work. i respect your dedication to it and how serious you are about it. that's why i don't like that you criticize yourself so often." "so you'd like me to stop ?" "i hope that you'd stop." your features relax as your smile goes soft to his direct response, and you kiss him on the forehead.

"thank you, my darling. i needed that." you leaned in closer to his face, melting at how softly his amber eyes looked into yours. "i figured you did."

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ｡ﾟ ⊹ㅤdiluc ! ㅤ

now diluc is not so reserved when it comes to his own opinions. if he thinks something is unimportant, he will say, out loud, that it isn't important. his words have no filter, that's why he's deemed a rude man by many, with the exception with a few that were used to it.

you were one of that few. constantly retaliating or paying no mind to his direct and straight-to-the-point comments about how it was pitiful to pay mind to 'senseless' matters. though, he did irk you when you first got acquainted, but with utmost patience, you grew to understand that he simply didn't get it and worded his sentiments with a far too direct tone.

really, despite his insensitive tone with wording things, he never means for them to be offensive or hurtful. especially not towards you, archons forbid he ever accidentally says something to hurt you. he wouldn't be able to forgive himself even if you already forgave him.

hence, he's noticeably careful with his statements when he watches you tug on your hair in frustration over the sentence you were currently writing just not making sense. he wants to be of assistance to you, of help, but how does one do so ? he doesn't ponder for too long and decides to sit closer to you, snaking an arm around your waist in an attempt to rub soothing circles into your sides. "don't pull your hair out like that, you're getting pent up." you let out a long sigh and cave in, propping up against his shoulder and leaning into him in hopes of rest.

but he can't shake off the thought that you weren't just tired.

"do you perhaps have something bottled up in your chest ? would you like to rant about it if so ?" the question comes out soft and slow, as if he was being careful. you didn't need to say anything for him to know your response, just the way you tried to hide your face in his arm and leaned closer told him that you did in fact have something bottled up.

"if you're comfortable to talk about it now, of course." he reassures you, pulling you in closer and slightly pushing away the table that you were furiously writing on earlier. your shoulders tensed but loosened as soon as he noticed. "it's just, none of my writing seems right, as of late." you started to speak, melting into his hold. "how do you say so ? i've been reading your work in progresses, and i'd say they're as beautiful as all your other projects." he queried, not fully understanding what you meant in right. "are you sure ? to me they're just not that worth finishing. not that good, basically."

he doesn't understand, not that good ? how could you say that about the papers you would stay up all night in your shared bedroom, writing away on your desk instead of curling up to his warmth in bed, leaving him almost lonely just to finish ? how could you say that about the short stories you spend hours on and put utmost effort into ? he's practically offended for you.

"don't ever say that." he kisses your temple and stays with his lips hovering over your skin. "you're likely in need of a rest for you to feel that spark for your work again, no ?" you hummed at his suggestion, "perhaps, yeah." he smiles at your response and kisses your temple again.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ｡ﾟ ⊹ㅤwanderer !ㅤ

kunikuzushi, scaramouche, wanderer, however you know him, is an honest man. he's intelligent with words as well, making sure every word rolls off with the exact impression he means it.

but he's no writer, he's more of a reader. he rather reads the pages neatly written out by some literature genius than write himself. so to watch you work, watch you write, oh he does admire it. and better you bet that he'll always want the manuscripts or unfinished projects you don't publicly release, which you figure he simply keeps up on a shelf, but far from that in reality. instead, he keeps the pieces he gets from you in the drawer by his nightstand, specifically for their safe storage. he loves how you write, he loves the words you use, everything you write is a gift to him, so he keeps them there for close attention.

with this, it doesn't go unnoticed when you start to lose heart in your writing. when you start to hesitate with each word you note on the paper, when you start to ponder more and longer with the next sentence, when you start throwing away more drafts than often — he realizes before you can come to terms with it.

what bothers him more is that you're less prideful in your finished works, when you used to show them off to him immediately, you would instead say they're not finished or you're gonna edit them more. only to stash them away in a folder and hide it at the bottom of your drawer. he knows why, you can't hide it from him even if you try, and you don't even dare to try.

he stops your hand as it moves to dip your pen in ink again, taking it from your fingers as he moves your chair to face him. "you can talk to me, you do know that, right ?" he starts, leaning close with both of his hands on each of the chair's arms, a sign for you to stay put. you looked up at him, puzzled by his actions, but he knew better than to assume you didn't know what he meant, you knew what he meant.

"talk to me," he pauses, "please. i know something's wrong when you're more frustrated than usual." he speaks carefully, softly. he's a man who knows how to use his words, who makes sure to speak them clearly yet carefully. "it bothers me when you don't want to talk about things, please ?"

he's a man who fears silence from himself, and from those whom he trusts dearly, silence brings worry to his nerves and waves him with a sense of discomfort. he hates when you're silent. he, really, really does.

to his relief, you finally let him hear that sigh of forfeit and his muscles loosen from their formerly tense state. "writing has just been difficult, recently, that's all to it." you were looking down as you spoke, and this left scaramouche unconvinced. "that's not all to it, don't think i haven't noticed." he shakes his head, staying in place to hear everything. he's not ending this conversation until he hears everything.

"for someone who insists he doesn't care, you notice nearly everything." he scoffs at your attempt to change the topic, "i don't care about most things, but i do care about you."

but this time, your silence in response to what he just said, it amuses him. "now, talk to me, tell me everything. i will listen, i promise you that." he pulls a stool over for him to sit right in front of you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ｡ﾟ ⊹ㅤal haitham !ㅤ

he's no better in showing his affections that a certain adeptus, and he takes no time in understanding. he can be rude, actually, sometimes he means it, sometimes he doesn't. al haitham is a hit or miss kind of man.

however, he does acknowledge others' work — he's not that bad. he acknowledges your work, he respects it even. he would oftentimes find himself assisting you as well, slipping in suggestions and short comments while you write. it's the least he could do now that you're together, after years in the akademiya merely tolerating his manner. though, he'll admit that his curiosity still dwells on why you didn't reject him that day.

he would even tuck away some of his ignored pride and compliment you, even asking you for literary recommendations from time to time. al haitham was a hit or miss kind of man, so you can say you hit the jackpot.

now, with his respect to your work, he will not accept any out of hand criticism without a glare, not even from you. as a matter of fact, whenever he hears a self-deprecating whisper from you, he cups your face with one hand and makes you take it back. not even you have the right to make negative comments about yourself or your work, he makes sure of that.

"this is all such, ugh !" al haitham perks up at the sound of you tossing multiple, maybe even a stack, of papers to the bin by your desk and curse yourself. the chair you sat on scrapes the wood floor as you push it back to get a new stack of blank papers from your drawer. he closes his book and soundlessly walks over and takes out the papers you had discarded and flips through the pages messily stapled together. "this is a waste, love, you are aware of that i hope." he pats off the stack of papers and tries to hand it back to you in hopes that you'd at least use it as a draft. "it's a waste of time, hayi. the plot of that one is messy and has too many loops." you groaned, lightly pushing his hand holding the papers away. "i swear i have it planned out already, but as i write it down it turns cliché, into garbage." the male's eye twitches when you finish your statement, and he sighs, setting the papers down on your desk. "you've spent nearly a week on this one, don't say that." he tries to convince you, and stops the hand that tries to push the papers back into the bin as you turn to him. "and it's garbage, hayi !"

he wipes his hands on his shirt first, then cups your face with both to force you to face him. "come on, you're being far too harsh with yourself." he speaks with the best sincerity he can muster, and he doesn't miss the way your muscles tensed before caving into his touch. "i'm just frustrated it's not going as good as i'd like." you admit, and al haitham pulls you in for a hug. "just because you're frustrated, doesn't mean you should be belittling something you still worked hard on." he retorts, and with the way you sighed and hid your face in his chest, he knew you had no further arguments anymore and his point was made correct.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ© amaiaqt, 2023 ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤdo not plagiarize !

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the-milk-monarch · 4 months

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hello there milk! really love your writing, I want to eat it very badly /pos :D. can I please request a Mike, Mal and Scott x reader with very noticeable stims? like clapping, chirping, flappy hands ect? totally cool if not!

☣︎ Hey Anon! Tysm, it means a lot! I hope It's alright.

[𝚂/𝙾 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙲𝙴𝙰𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙼𝚂]

Summary: General headcanons.

[𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎]

I believe he has some knowledge about those.

I mean, he's not an expert, but he understands that stimming is a calming method.

With that in mind, he wouldn't make any comments about it.

At most would ask how it feels like, out of curiosity.

"Well... it calms me down. Sometimes I do it out of excitement as well." You explained simply. "...So... You're like a puppy who wags their tail?" He tried to joke lightheartedly, hoping it's not offensive or ignorant. "That's a first time I hear this comparison." You truthfully responded, a bit amused and not offended at all. "Is it bad?" His voice hesitated slightly as he got more worried about your reply. "No- It's actually kinda cute." And so, he immediately calmed down.

His only repetitive movement (and point of reference) is scratching his arm when stressed, but he doesn't do it on the daily, unlike you.

Would never make fun or think of you weird, and is ready to throw hands if anyone is planning on that.

Well, okay, not literally, but

He'd make sure they're not bothering you to the best of his abilities.

Unless you don't want to, which he'll also respect.

It also never bothers him.

[𝙼𝚊𝚕]

He doesn't stim, like, at all, so he doesn't get it.

But you do you ig.

He's aware about what it is and why you do it, but he doesn't care much. /pos?

He might get a bit annoyed if he's trying to focus on something and you start doing it, though.

His first instinct isn't to be nice to people, so prepare for some rough reactions at first.

"Will you shut up for a minute?"

He'll learn to tone it down.

"...Can you stop for a moment, I'm trying to think."

But he will not tolerate other people saying that.

Only he has the right to be mildly mean to you sometimes /affectionate

Even if someone were to look at you the wrong way.

He's not the one to infantilize you, as he knows you're capable of protecting yourself, but if he's feeling particularly spicy that day, there might be some domination display on his part.

"Are you looking for something?" He stared daggers at the person who dared to show any sort of negative opinion towards you. "...To get hurt, perhaps?"

[𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚝]

Now this poor guy has no idea what autism/adhd even is.

Like, never heard of it.

So he'll just bluntly ask you what you're doing.

"Why are you... clapping?" He asked, tilting his hands. You immediately stopped, feeling a bit put on the spot. "Uh... I'm excited?" You responded casually, although you weren't sure of Scott's opinion on the topic yet. You wished he's gonna grasp it. "Oh." He said as you saw a bit of cogs turning in his head. You decide to spare him the figuring out by himself and explained further. "It's a stim." You calmly concluded. "You do drugs?!" His face turned into a surprise, concern and disbelief. You got thrown off your trail of thoughts, so a chuckle escaped your lips. "No- It's a stim. Not a stimulant." You elaborated once more. "Of course. I obviously know what that is." He didn't.

Be prepared for a long list of questions.

It doesn't really bother him, plus he has the benefit of now knowing your body language.

If he can make you make those movements, he won!

In case your stimming stems from stress.

Which he also gotta learn is a thing.

If anyone dares to point your stimming, he's ready to protect your honor like the hero he is.

"Hey! If you make fun of their flapping, you get the- slapping!" He was really proud of that one.

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atlanticsea · 1 year

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Your quiz truly unruled me and caused quite a stirr and not only for me. I bow down to your way of pinning things down to their place in particularity.

I got king and was surprised. Could maybe you further elaborate what it means to be a king?

Thank you so much for the kind words! I'll say first of all that the Soldier/Poet/King archetypes are just that, and though I believe the quiz can give insight into a person because questions can provoke some thought, I think I consider it more an interactive writing exercise than a personality quiz, so take everything I say with a grain of salt when it comes to relating it to you.

So I've spoken about this before on my blog, but the core of the King archetype is in its relationship to duty: the King is given duty, does not necessarily like it, but accepts it any way and deals with it. This is very vague and I think the reason people overwhelmingly get King is that the feeling of being dissatisfied with one's life but having to live it anyways is fairly common. For the record, the Poet refuses duty, and the Soldier resents duty. Kings carry with them an inherited responsibility, and they are bound to carry that forward whether they like it or not. They cannot stand the thought of failing that mission, and do not like to admit in any way shape or form that they resent said mission. They'll do it, whatever it takes, because this is what they have to do, at the risk of forgetting to let themselves live for their own sake. They can't bear the idea of carrying the guilt of disappointing people's expectations. That's really the core of the archetype, based on the song lyrics (which I know are about Jesus, but I chose to completely ignore that and take them at face value when making the quiz): "there will come a ruler whose brow is laid in thorn, smeared with oil like David's boy." The crown is made of thorns and painful to bear. The King exists as a comparison to someone's son, and cannot stand on its own. Thus, painful duty and heavy weight of legacy.

Also, since a lot of people who get King say they hoped to be Poets, here's a fun fact: I've built each archetype so that it wants to be another -- in theory, Poets want to be Soldiers because they think Soldiers can affect the world more effectively, Soldiers want to be Kings because they believe Kings have the stability and peace they crave, and Kings want to be Poets because they see Poets as free.

Hope that gave you some insight into my thought process!

#spk #answered #einsamkeitderprimzahlen

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wulvercazz · 5 months

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🤖And Secrets Untold🗝️

A little written-only Android!AU update before the next (and last) art post for the AU💕✨ Hope you enjoyyy

(Previous~)

Some tags; some mild robot gore, murder/murder scene descriptions

Grimmjow didn’t elaborate further after that. In fact, Grimmjow didn’t speak much at all anymore after the memory core lit up in place and flooded the android with the knowledge of a synthetic life lived.

He brooded. Glared at Ichigo when he tried to press further, answered with scoffs and rolls of his eyes when he asked about Professor Jaegerjaquez. It’s definitely not how he expected things to go when he had the idea to search for Grimmjow’s memories in hopes he’d know where to find the genius who created him.

So much for a victory.

“I’m doing this so I can repair you—“ Ichigo huffs out after one more scoff from the droid, his pliers clanking on the table, irritated. “He’s dead, fine, but maybe you can remember who he worked with? If he had a partner then—“

“He worked alone.”

Ichigo’s almost startled when, finally, there’s an actual response from him; “right… well, then… maybe you watched him work? With your kind of memory… anything he may have told you about you is stored somewhere-“

“He told me nothing.”

Grimmjow sure knew how to extinguish any sort of attempt at hope like ice cold water.

“All the old man did was drink and regret ever making me.” It’s the quiet harshness behind his voice, the subtle hue of pain, that once more trouble Ichigo; real enough that they tinge his heart with sorrow for the half-functioning android on his worktable. “Guess he was as disturbed by how not human I am as you are.”

No. No, that’s not it. He’s not disturbed by his ‘lack of humanity’, the contrary, in fact. Terrified that anything this human can exist outside human flesh; so much so that his existance within this room doesn’t fill his home with the empty chill that the mountains of appliances and other androids he’s paid to repair give him.

He’s terrified— because that means either he’s truly lost his sanity to this cold hellhole he calls a home, or what he knows about reality is about to be re-written by an android that should not be possible by nature’s rules. And it’s just now becoming more and more abundantly clear that he’s still, at least, more or less sane; the revelation that Grimmjow’s been quietly attempting to figure out Ichigo’s perception of him, only make his cold white plates and metal bones feel as human as his own.

“Grimm, I don’t— you are-“

“My name code is Grimmjow.”

“Grimmjow, I don’t... feel disturbed by you.” And Ichigo stutters when the android raises an accusatory brow, “n-not the way you think. I don’t know what the fuck was going on through Professor Jaegerjaquez’ mind when he created you — alright? — what I know is… there are no androids like you. You are… more real than anything I ever thought was possible from an android; if he expected anything more than you already are… the guy might as well have wanted to become a god, and he might have already grazed divinity as is.”

Grimmjow’s quiet pondering, and his eyes practically scanning Ichigo’s face bring sudden heat to his face. He’s not sure what exactly he just called the android, but he’s pretty sure it’s something near worship. The android’s eyes close finally, and almost sags in his place, “you’re more of a loser than I thought.”

Eh?

“Hah??” Is the lone indignant sound Ichigo gets out his chest, “I was trying to— you know what, fuck you!”

The small, shit eating grin that curls Grimmjow’s white lips is just as mocking and rude as all he’s ever been since he brought him here; and yet… Ichigo’s never been more entranced by a smile before...

“I said: I can tell you where he worked.” Grimmjow’s tiny brows twitch with annoyance, and Ichigo’s horrified by how welcome Grimmjow’s nasty attitude is in comparison to the quiet brood of before. Clearly, he got lost for a second too long in the implications of a grin for the android’s taste.

“I never left the facility, but I know the coordinates.”

The place Grimmjow’s coordinates point to is not far from where he found him, unsurprisingly; deep in the abandoned foundations of the city where people used to live before that too became unlivable for anyone not filthy rich.

Figuring out which building exactly is the one professor Jaegerjaquez hid out in to do his work, is a challenge in itself. It took him days of going back and forth between buildings with crusty tinted windows, of peeking in cracks of doors jabbed in place by layers of crust and abandoned crap. He finally knew he was in the right place when he peeked inside one last crashed window and saw messy footprints followed by a heavy path towards towards him rubbed off the dust on the floor. He hoped whoever did this, because it was clear now that Professor Jaegerjaquez didn’t die without help, had the decency to take the body with them.

His boots hit the floor with a choking cloud of dust rising around him; Ichigo patted down the bits of broken glass that came off with him when he sneaked inside and tried not to cough the dirt off his lungs too loudly. He lit his work glasses on and pulled out a supporting flashlight to guide him inside, following the tracks left on the dusty ground.

It seems simple enough. Walks in to the rest of the building, past the lonely apartment he came in through, and into another that looks less lonely than the whole structure itself. But the tracks stop here; not enough dust to reveal much of anything.

The place is a mess of papers and empty bottles of cheap alcohol, flies buzzing off dirty dishes that not even the automated washer in the kitchen could ever deal with. It takes everything in him not to gag upon the first breath. The man was… clearly unstable. Grimmjow’s short words in his regard were pretty accurate.

But he wasn’t here trying to solve anyone’s murder, not here to try and understand the madness, but rather what it created, and this.. doesn’t look anything like what he’d expected to find.

Ichigo flashes his light in every direction, to the sweaty, alcohol stained couch and the fly ridden tubs of take-out, to the likely just as dirty bathroom and the crack in the door to what he supposes was the man’s bedroom.

There’s just as much crap littering the room, except, for once, it’s not simply trash and scraps of food. It’s… printed pictures, the type not many people keep anymore these days; dimly lit faces covering the floor and the bed and, upon opening the door, the blood chills in his bones as walls scribbled dark meet his view.

Guilt written with trembling, disturbed, hands scratched on the walls; countless different renditions of “I am sorry” haunting the room, he’s almost afraid to shine a light, but curiosity has him doing just so. Leaning in more to look at the pictures on the bed and realizing, with horrified certainty, that the face repeated on every picture is the same he’s been looking at these past weeks. Different places, stages of life, ones where he is taking the picture himself and ones where someone is taking it for him. There's a healthy tint to his youthful skin instead of clinical white, but they’re all those same blue eyes, same strong jaw and high cheekbones, same blue hair too in the most recent-looking pictures.

What the fuck. What the fuck.

A million horrible ideas running through his head make him stumble back a few steps, like he’d run out the room any second and forget everything about the android and this fucked up place. And he might just, until his stumbling lets him see the disturbed pictures behind the other side of the bed; like the dust in the other apartment, shoved out of it’s deranged, but meticulous, order by something dragged heavily out of— the wall?

His hands fumble with the pictures still blanketing the floor, shoving them this way and that until the dimmest of lights shines through the line where the wall meets the floor; he scratches and nudges at the edge with gloved hands until it catches on and more of that light cracks into the room.

Inside is a mess of equipment, screens and computers crashed on the floor, metallic scratches on furniture toppled over by something with enough strength, or weight, to put clear dents on them too. It’s a violent scene only highlighted by crusted black marks smeared on the floor and dragged all the way to the hidden panel door behind him.

He feels guilty when his brain sighs a calming: ‘at least there’s no body’.

Ichigo spends a ridiculous amount of time shuffling through broken pieces of metal, attempting to find what little salvageable from the computers’ hard drives, if at all; checking every corner for anything worth something.

There’s not that much hope in his scavenging, nothing stands out to him between all the broken pieces except that there’s nothing near close to what he pulled out of Grimmjow. Not the organ looking pieces of machinery, not the the gut-like cabling or the meat-gel… he’s missing something.

Oh, this man was clever. He clearly wasn’t always deranged and guilt-ridden, he didn’t build Grimmjow at the same time as he was praying to the walls for forgiveness; that came later. The man that worked on Grimmjow’s composition chose too this location and built this hidden laboratory by himself. That man is probably still hiding things. Things that whatever thugs dragged his lifeless body and his creation out of here definitely didn’t find and trash as the rest of these useless piles of junk.

Ichigo turns to the nearest empty wall and begins patting all about the panels of it, pressing and scratching at the seams like he did on the door; pushes an empty rack that’s standing on his way and continues to search the walls. He probably looks insane, and, honestly, for once he’s not worried he’s gone mad; he hasn’t felt this alive in years.

With a satisfactory click, a panel in the wall finally gives, and from the narrow door pulls a quiet android body, laying flat and dead like this is a mortuary drawer.

He’s almost afraid to touch, wondering if this thing will be just as alive as Grimmjow is. Except… the face is all wrong, flat and robotic. nothing like Grimmjow’s tender sculpting; this is but a test. Perhaps Grimmjow was too, but this one does not compare in the slightest; the body is similar, but when he eventually pokes at it he finds himself calming down at he discovery that there’s no power core at all. The mechanical heart missing under the metal ribcage.

It does, however, have all the other parts Grimmjow needs… he’s going to feel a little dirty about performing android grave-robbery, but he’d be a fool to not at least bag as many of its internal components as he can. He’ll figure out how to bring back the heavy replacement limbs another day.

Next~

#Android AU #ichigo kurosaki #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #Android!Grimmjow #ichigrimm #一グリ #robot gore

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theheirofthesharingan · 8 months

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tolkien said sam was the chief hero of lord of the rings. also frodo wouldn't have made it out of the shire without him. sam carried frodo on his shoulders in mordor and fought shelob all alone.

tolkien said sam was the chief hero of lord of the rings.

He didn't, apparently. The chief hero quote is a heavily misquoted, perverted phrase LotR fandom has perpetuated without using any critical thinking because it serves their bias. The entire quote, within the context of the letter, means and says something else entirely.

Since we now try to deal with 'ordinary life', springing up ever unquenched under the trample of world policies and events, there are love-stories touched in, or love in different modes, wholly absent from The Hobbit. But the highest love-story, that of Aragorn and Arwen Elrond's daughter is only alluded to as a known thing. It is told elsewhere in a short tale. Of Aragorn and Arwen Undómiel. I think the simple 'rustic' love of Sam and his Rosie (nowhere elaborated) is absolutely essential to the study of his (the chief hero's) character, and to the theme of the relation of ordinary life (breathing, eating, working, begetting) and quests, sacrifice, causes, and the 'longing for Elves', and sheer beauty. But I will say no more, nor defend the theme of mistaken love seen in Eowyn and her first love for Aragorn. But altogether it would hardly amount to the excision of a single long chapter.

People miss the whole context. Here, the theme is that of Love. The characters in question are Sam (rustic, simple love) being compared to Aragorn (higher, nobler love). Tolkien also mentions Éowyn because of her feelings towards Aragorn. It's not a comparison between Frodo and Sam. LotR is a story about the hobbits and all four serve a purpose in the story. They all start out as fairytale heroes but only three return with a gain. Frodo is the tragic hero of the tale.

Furthermore, in many of his letters, Tolkien talks about Frodo as the central character.

Here is a small consignment of 'The Ring': the last two chapters that have been written, and the end of the Fourth Book of that great Romance, in which you will see that, as is all too easy, I have got the hero into such a fix that not even an author will be able to extricate him without labour and difficulty. Lewis was moved almost to tears by the last chapter. All the same, I chiefly want to hear what you think, as for a long time now I have written with you most in mind. (letter #91).

Many people think since Sam is the only one (physically) present there, Tolkien is talking about Sam; but in truth, the one character who is in 'fix' here is Frodo. The main objective of the story is how will Frodo, with Sam's help, go to Mordor and destroy the Ring. Since Sam abandons the idea of destroying the Ring and chooses to follow Frodo's 'dead body', hence endangering the fate of the world, I doubt it has to be about him. We need Frodo to save the world. And we need Sam to save Frodo. Without Frodo, Middle-earth is doomed and the story and the plot cannot go any further than this.

In another letter to David Masson (1955), Tolkien says this:

'Surely how often "quarter" is given is off the point in a book that breathes Mercy from start to finish: in which the central hero is at last divested of all arms, except his will?

(emphasis is mine)

Frodo is the one who divests himself of all arms. And it's his will that's repeatedly talked about throughout the story. The central hero Tolkien talking about here is him.

In The Silmarillion, Frodo is the only character mentioned from the Fellowship. Gandalf is mentioned as Olórin, not Gandalf. Surely, it's a bird-eye view of LotR, but the sentence that was phrased as 'Frodo with the help of his servant destroyed the ring' could also have been said differently with Sam being in focus instead. In the letter #246, JRRT goes in extreme detail regarding Frodo, his heroism, his contribution to the quest, and his relevance in the story thematically. Frodo was the antithesis of Sauron and fought against him singlehandedly. The battle of wills, not any physical battle. In the Field of Cormallen, both Frodo and Sam are honoured, but Frodo is still bestowed with the highest honour for his service (they sang 'Frodo of the Nine Fingers in his honour). Tolkien's words on this:

Frodo deserved all honour because he spent every drop of his power of will and body, and that was just sufficient to bring him to the destined point, and no further. Few others, possibly no others of his time, would have got so far. The Other Power then took over: the Writer of the Story (by which I do not mean myself), 'that one ever-present Person who is never absent and never named' (as one critic has said). (Letter #192)

also frodo wouldn't have made it out of the shire without him.

It's been many years since I read the book, so my memory might betray me, but if I remember it correctly, Sam helped them in the Old Forest because he was the only not under the spell of the tree (Old Man Willow, I suppose). In other instances Frodo took precautions himself. He knew whom to trust. The rest was handled by Merry and Pippin while they left their home and met Strider. Frodo saved his friends from Barrow Wight at the Downs, was the only one to summon courage enough to get back at the Nazgúl while the other three hobbits were terrified. Are you sure you aren't making any overstatements in your comments?

sam carried frodo on his shoulders in mordor and fought shelob all alone.

His contribution in helping Frodo and getting him to Mordor, even on his shoulder, are undeniable. He has a long list of accomplishments, for which he was generously rewarded in the end. But his accomplishments don't make him the 'true hero of LotR', definitely not greater than Frodo.

I can't recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. I'm naked in the dark. There's nothing — no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes.

This was Frodo's condition while they were nearing Orodruin. He still didn't give up. No one else, I repeat no one else, was put through these conditions, not even Sam. There comes a time when the Ring physically forces Frodo to put itself on. He resists it and then finds Galadriel's phial. When Sam carries Frodo on his shoulders, he states Frodo hardly weighed more than a hobbit child. It was either Sam was rewarded for his kindness or Frodo had actually lost so much weight that he didn't even weigh more than a child at that time.

'All gave some and some gave all' is a quote I read somewhere. Frodo was the one who gave all he had. He was the kindest, bravest, and most selfless hobbit. Tolkien might have meant Sam to be the chief hero/main character, but that means that for a 'supporting character', Frodo is far more heroic, relevant to the story, because without him, the story wouldn't even exist.

___

I hope this answer was convincing enough for you, anon. Thanks for reminding me why I grew to dislike LotR fandom so much. Apparently, anything pro Frodo must be responded with "sam is the true hero" and "tolkien said so" without looking at the context of the phrases because it helps you with your own bias.

#frodo #lotr frodo #frodo baggins #tolkien #jrr tolkien #lotr #ask #anon #i don't write for anything other than naruto on this blog but this ask had me do it #i gave up on LotR fandom a long time ago for this reason #and haven't written anything for years #for a fandom that has tons of scholars and the books that inspired modern fantasy literature lotr has some of the dumbest fans #though sometimes exceptions are necessary i guess #anyway if you love frodo we might be best friends already

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inf1nyxw0rlds · 1 month

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reposting my infinite is not weak essay because i got anxious and deleted the last one <3 i've been meaning to do this for months, but i'm not exactly the most functional person and i don't often put myself out there. in the process of rewriting it, i also altered the wording and added a few things, as you might notice if you've seen it before; and if you haven't, then welcome to whatever it is i'm doing here!

this is written with all my love, all my frustration, fueled by years worth of listening to a cycle of minsinformation that left permanent damage in the form of skewed perceptions – based in a false claim and the jokes that came with it – and a hesistance on sega's part to even address him save for a few tossed crumbs over the span of the last half a decade. originally i had an elaborate metaphor here, but there was no need for it and i'll cut right to the chase; there has always been good in infinite's character – but not everyone cares to look for it.

it's been six years since the release of sonic forces. which is insane! it's wild to me! as somebody who's been here since before the game even released, i've seen it all. to commemorate the occassion, when i wrote this originally, i thought that i would talk further about infinite's reception; in particular, the Weak thing. i've discussed it before in brief, and you can read that one here; this time though, i'm going to get more into dissecting the actual problem, and debunking arguments that supposedly prove infinite to be objectively weak and pathetic... when canonically, that isn't the case. i'd actually argue the opposite, but at the very least he isn't lacking strength – his skills are average at worst.

the first reason that i see, the one we're all plenty familiar with and the one i brought up previously, is that infinite is weak because he lost to shadow. once. that's it. do i really have to explain why this is stupid? yeah, he did lose, one time. even against a normal opponent, one defeat in comparison to what we can assume, based on his title, many victories, isn't much of an indicator toward being weak. shadow is also the ultimate lifeform, in case anyone has forgotten that detail, and bear in mind that infinite knows shadow to have just slaughtered his entire team – do you really think he would be at his best in that state?

there's also a fuckton of context clues implying that infinite had issues prior to this encounter, specifically inferiority issues. shadow literally told him, after having wiped his whole team out, to never show his pathetic face again. the face with the, you know. the big scar. the blind eye. (shoutout to the person who pointed this out in the tags in the "first part" of this, by the way! based for that)

this argument is so full of holes that it just drives me kind of bonkers how it can be used to claim infinite is weak and stupid. do i think that the scene is without flaw? of course not. if you want to say that the way they handled his breakdown wasn't the greatest, you can, you have every right to your opinion. but that's just it. we're talking about something else. i get it, the "i am not weak" was a memeable line, but it doesn't actually make him weak. people that reduce his reaction to "just" hating shadow because he got his ass beat, people who call it a "temper tantrum", i ... the context is right there. it was never "just" because shadow beat him up. would people say this about anyone else that shadow happens to beat up? that they're irrefutably weak? no. that's stupid. obviously. so why infinite? because it wasn't a strong enough spectacle. let me illustrate this more with another example;

another reason people say that infinite is weak is because sonic didn't need to go super in order to beat him. and... again, this one, too, falls apart pretty easily. sonic has beaten other characters without going super, and this includes shadow. the difference is the when, the how, the context. it's not that infinite is weak, but it was a weak final boss fight. do you get what i mean?

forces, in general, suffered a lot with this problem. it wasn't a problem that was exclusive to infinite. unfortunately, as the new character, he got the most heat. there was a huge amount of hype for him, so when the spectacle fell short, people were pissed. and i get it. but then that issue became, "infinite bad". that issue became "infinite's weak". it has never been that, though. this is why i personally hate weak jokes – because they're rooted in non-issue and misinfo.

a point i saw made once was that the characterisation of sonic and the rest of the cast are part of what made infinite's character hard to take seriously, and i'd agree! infinite actually fits the setting quite well; he has a mysterious, serious presence. he's harsh, he's edgy, but it's cheesy enough that it works in the typical style of the sonic franchise. the problem is, when the other characters aren't taking things seriously, it throws the whole thing off. we're being told this is a hard-hitting, high stakes plot, but how can we see it that way, when they're all just cracking jokes?

as a side-tangent of sorts, you know what's real funny? infinite's backstory, the one thing people use more than anything else to declare his obvious weakness, quite likely wasn't originally going to exist anyway, and he was instead going to be made by eggman. i say "quite likely" as, as i've stated, i don't like misinformation, and sega will probably never confirm this one-hundred percent, but this is something fans – myself included – have discussed a few times.

first, there's the odd dialogue and enviroment in stage 29. tails states outright, as you go through the fortress, where containment/test tubes line the walls in countless numbers, "so this is where eggman built infinite". the tubes do, in fact, appear to have low-res bodies inside them. this is also something they detailed in an early version of the script. infinite's remark on sonic's "data" also fits in with this idea of him being some form of android. prior to release, there was also a cryptic message that, when decoded, referred to infinite as "the fated son of daedalus"; in other words, icarus, who flew too close to the sun; his father being an inventor! that's really dope foreshadowing.

you can argue that tails and amy's commentary is speculation rather than solid fact and that they're mistaken, it's a possibility i definitely consider here, but given how rushed the dlc and prequel comics feel, the fact that there was a statement that big changes were made late into development... yeah. i'll buy it. i often find myself wondering what people would think of infinite had this been his story, whether they would view him differently. also, speaking of the dlc being rushed, there are actually unused lines for episode shadow implying that you would have fought the jackal squad; they were likely just unable to implement it in time. it's a shame, as it would have added to that spectacle factor i mentioned. but hey, gotta push for that holiday release!

what i find really interesting is that you can look at his character through either lense: the former mercenary turned war criminal, or the creation of our ol' doctor, and he still reads well! his behaviour makes sense in whichever context you choose to apply; what he thought he had to become, versus what he was made to be. it's cool and it makes me a bit insane. a lot of people criticise infinite for his one-dimensionality, but in my opinion, like... it's the point. he's meant to feel hollow. because he's masking; or because he wasn't made for feelings, but rather for destruction.

something that seems ironic is that many people attempt to "fix" him by... putting him into a box and inflating a single trait into his entire character and calling it "better writing". now, here's the disclaimer, okay: i'm all for people having fun and being proud of their work! i don't think that we should police what others can create. this is just about the phenomenon of watering a character down or changing them to fit ships and narratives rather than those characters being what shape the direction the story and their relationships take, things like that; which... i mean, i'm not a cop, you can still do these things even if i don't like them! i'm not saying it isn't allowed, but i think that you're kind of missing the point.

he never needed fixing. his story needed refinement. that's different. it's more about exploring what we've been given, looking below the surface; infinite is not just an evil, ruthless tyrant that deserves death nor a traumatised sadboy to be made good by the power of love and friendship – not to me. his trauma and anger are both part of him, and you cannot – or rather shouldn't – reduce him to one thing or another. it does him a major disservice, i think. there are good things there, things you can dissect, you just have to be willing to look.

in choosing to ignore what made him who he is, disregarding the loss of his squad and blatant insecurity unless it's funny, you're purposely looking at him through a faulty lense. bad writing doesn't mean that the intent isn't there. context is so important, and you can't analyse him or critique him with worth unless these things are acknowledged. it's like if you were eating a cake, avoiding the frosting and complaining it's not sweet enough. the frosting is there, not even being withheld from you. it has always been there. you decided not to eat it. sorry i'm making weird analogies again but hopefully this makes sense.

this has gotten long, wow. the point i want to highlight, overall, is that infinite is not nearly as awful as people make him out to be. it was never about his strength, it was about the limits and shortcomings of the narrative, a problem not exclusive to him yet one that has been pinned on him for so many years. i don't want it to sound like i'm saying he is immune to criticism, or that forces is, even though i've criticised forces during the creation of this post (and don't think that i think forces is terrible, either! it's my favourite game and i have lots of things i like about it as well! i've just been drawing attention to these parts to better explain what i want to convey lol); but i do hate how the wrong thing is being criticised.

this issue has been watered down into "infinite weak" when it's way more broad, way more complex than that, and i cannot stand it. it seems like such a trivial matter, like, oh, fandom is being mean about my favourite guy, but it did actual damage and forever altered people's perception of him. i am pissed about it! i'm mad! i don't care if you don't like infinite (because i can just block you as we will not get along!) but... it's about why people don't like him. they don't have to justify it, they can continue hating him, but it always bothered me that the reason is so often not a real problem. yeah.

okay, i think that's it. thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you made it this far, you're gay

#transmission #infinite tag #infinite the jackal #long post

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coldtwaer · 3 months

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Tum decorations

You know what would be a fun idea? If preds decorated their stomachs. Like we gotta give some character to this area if we are to properly accommodate prey.

So as an observer I would like to make some recommendations.

Inside:

Let’s start with some lighting because unless that stomach is naturally illuminated it’s probably very dark.

I think some fairy lights would be very pretty and would match the insides of just about any pred. When it gets festive, they can switch to colored christmas tree lights.

Or if one wants to keep that dark aesthetic then may I suggest glow in the dark stickers?

As for furniture like stuff I guess it really depends on the size of the prey and how much space they’ve got.

G/t - Small half size = Doll furniture? Maybe get a few paintings down there and the prey can safely place them on the stomach walls

Bigger half size - Same size+ = Well options are more limited but maybe some stuffed animals to make the prey’s stay even cozier.

Outside:

Alright so we’ve bedazzled the inside but the outside is looking a little drab in comparison now. No need to fear we have options!

Stickers - Get wild with it. They can become a decora dream with a bunch of cute stickers or maybe the stickers are all just memes.

Stick on gems- A better alternative to using straight up glitter because that stuff gets everywhere. Plus it twinkles in the sunlight, what more could one want?

Drawings and/or tattoos - Some doodles on the tum can really add some character

Glitter- Yes yes I know what I said but some brave soul will want to attempt to do it. Maybe stick to glitter glue. (And no eating it even though it’s nontoxic)

Charms- No further elaboration at this time

#vore blog #sfw vore #v.ore #vore writing #vore idea #safe vore #soft vore #vore talk

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casablancarossa · 2 months

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Stolen Night.

<<an [Angsty] taemin x reader scenario>>

Synopsis: You and Taemin had history, and not all history is rainbows and roses and now, you two are going deal with that history whether you two liked it or not.

Pairings : taemin x female!reader

Genre : Angst

Content Warning : Language, Alcohol, Implied Sex

Author's Note: I love a good angsty moment, only time I get to imagine Taemin as anything but baby cheese.

This is a long one so get comfy and..

Enjoy your stay♥️

In the long series of desks, placed side by side with little nightlight for the students who preferred an evening study session, your hunched frame sat somewhere in the middle close to the nearest working water machine that would dispense hot water for your tea. Surround you was; Onew, who had his head down, resting on his arms, half asleep, placed on your right; Kibum who was perched on a seat, on the other side of Onew, knees pressed up to his chest, reading the latest Vogue magazine; Minho, who has focused on rewatching last night's football match with earphones on, sitting right in front of Kibum, and of course your 'boyfriend', but not, Taemin, who has sat in front of you doing nothing but practically throwing daggers with his eyes.

You could barely make an audible sigh to catch their attention, quietly mumbling to yourself that you shouldn't have told them where you were. It was fortunate that despite how noticeable the boys are, none of the other students in the library have made a fuss. That or they have been really discreet and you'll probably wake up tomorrow seeing photos plastered with the headline. 'Ex-SM Trainee supported by boyfriend and group'. You iterate to yourself once more, a little louder this time, they shouldn't have bothered visiting you, feeling more like a burden than usual.

"Yeah, but who else is going to tell you to chill and take a break..", Onew's voice was slightly slurred and barely the hum of a whisper, but you manage to pick up on every word, rolling your eyes at the fact that he was correct.

You pondered in silence, pursing your lips and smiling as you lean to ruffle Onew's hair, thanking him and by extension the rest of the guys for making time to see you.

When you boldly made the choice to pursue further education in Japan, you'd think that it would be your your parents, who would be sad and pleading you that you can pursue the same course in Seoul, or your younger siblings crying that they would be lost without you, but those experiences paled in comparison to how the men, sitting in the library with you now, reacted. At first, they thought it was a joke, but when suddenly you needed Kibum to simplify an application form so you could properly fill it up, the news suddenly hit them like a wall, which ensued an elaborate 3-month plan to find ways to make you stay.

You could only laugh at the stupidity of it all. It wasn't like you were travelling halfway across the world. You were essentially a small pond away and if anything the boys could visit you anytime them wanted when they had a long period of promotions in Japan.

"I appreciate you guys coming, but Taemin looks like he is regretting not using his maknae privilege to go back to the dorm, instead he is staring at me like he wants to kill me", you whisper harshly while spinning your head to see if your comment was loud enough to disturb the other students in the area.

His eyes darkened with every glare, tucking his legs further into the table so that he could throw his leg out, kicking you at the shins which elicited a yelp out of you followed by dead silence at the other library goers look at you. How could he not be so annoyed, when you barely greeted him and have been talking to him informally and seem to dote extra hard on the other but not him.

Your face scrunches, throwing an annoyed look at Taemin before casting a pleading one towards Minho, who sighed and reached to flick Taemin at the back of the head. Taemin in response tried to lunge towards Minho with a fake taunt, fist pulled back and he would have tried to push the fake out if it weren't for Key who finally raised his head from what he was reading, ripping out a hiss through his teeth, the look of annoyance on his face. It was enough to placate Minho and Taemin from turning a fake out to an actual hissy fight but Key had ulterior motives, leaving his seat to take the spare one beside you, resting his arm on the backrest of your chair and leaning in close to you.

"Look, no one has been more supportive than I have in you leaving the company, but going to Tokyo for a fine arts course is a bit of a left field"

"Get to your point oppa", you groan, throwing your head back to look at him.

The sudden closeness between the two of you irritated the dark haired male sitting across you, folding his arms and looking at any direction but in front of him.

"I'm just saying, you're a talented person, you ran rings around idols who have been around for much longer and you're a triple threat..." Key further spoke, his eyes soften as if memories just played in his head in one big reel.

"And if it weren't for Taemin and the company, I would have been under the label... but I didn't and now I can't even work on the stuff I worked on" your voice dropped before looking away, stealing a glance to see that Taemin had heard your statement and responded with a clenched jaw after hearing his name so specifically mentioned.

The reason why Taemin was your boyfriend, but technically not, was because it was all just for show to save face.

Almost a year ago, a set of photos released by Dispatch from an anon source, caused waves with netizens. Said photos were primarily photos of Taemin at a nightclub in Spain, with one one in particular was a photo of Taemin engaging in intimate relations with a random girl on the dancefloor. The photo was blurry at best and most people had doubts if it even was Taemin. Normally, this would have been swept under a rug, especially since a lot of people thought it wasn't him and for the people who did think it was Taemin, were hellbent on finding out who the girl was as nasty comments flied in, cursing the innocent party, calling them a whore for ruining Taemin's image.

However, if SM controlled the press by saying it was a photo of Taemin and his girlfriend, then maybe fans would be more forgiving. Coincidentally, it wasn't just Taemin, but you and the rest of the SHINee members were spotted at that club in Spain.

That's where you come into the picture. You had been waiting to be debuted under SM and debut a rebranded image of yourself. Originally starting as a self-produced indie artist, your sporadic attendance in music shows and the rumours of your debut with SM, meant that you could be very well acquainted with SHINee.

If SM could spin that you and Taemin had just begun a relationship prior to the photo, then maybe netizens wouldn't call their 'ace' a sudden playboy, making out with random girls when he is drunk.

It took about 2 months after the official statement was released before the knives were suddenly turned towards you. People were calling you a sell-out for signing with a company. People were saying that you were using your relationship with Taemin to launch your music career. They know nothing, you thought to yourself. Meanwhile Taemin, came out of it unscathed, being a private person, meant he didn't have to worry about posting about you constantly and if you were in his posts, usually it is with other SHINee members.

By default, SM had put your debut on standby, stating that debuting you so soon after your scandal might not generate good PR, while Taemin only had his comeback pushed back by 2 months.

After almost a year wait after the incident, you gave up waiting being in the good graces of the company and just left for Japan. Now that you think about it, you technically weren't out of your contract, but you haven't been home in 2 months and yet you and Taemin were still pretending to be a couple in public. Your consistent closeness with SHINee would raise questions if you and Taemin ever 'broke up' and malicious rumour could pop out again.

Your train was thoughts was rudely cut off with Key leaning in to blow air onto your cheeks, causing a shock in your system before suppressing your giggle and smacking him in the arm. "Earth to Y/N, I was asking if you just want to rent out the book and I promise I will help you study in the dorm with wine"

"What? She's staying the night?" Taemin rejected the thought of you entering the dorm, which broke your heart slightly.

"She's your girlfriend, and also she's our friend, of course she can.." Minho whispered, flicking his wrist to smack Taemin on the shoulders with a sly grin.

"She's not my ---"

"She's not your girlfriend.. we get it.. jeeze Taem, you'd think you hate the poor girl" Onew interjects in Taemin's rebuttal, finally sitting up and stretching his arms out before resting one over your shoulder, tussling your hair gently.

Seeing his hyungs so close to you, practically hit a nerve in Taemin, although as much as he wants to deny it doesn't, it does. His chest rises with a deep breath in before controlling his breath out, trying to calm himself, rolling his eyes before turning his head to look at Minho who was now playing with the pages of Kibum's magazine.

"Alright okay, fine, we can go for dinner --" you began, raising your wrist to look at your watch, but noticing that it had gotten pretty late, "-- or midnight snack. But Tokyo never sleeps so... I'll pick up the book next time"

You began closing various books on historical art and started piling them to a stack. You shoo'd away Key or Onew's hands whenever they tried to help you pack your bag, insisting that you can manage by yourself, giggling whenever Onew would pout saying that 'SHINee's Princess' should be spoiled even when she is studying. Your eyes could only roll at the statement, scoffing at how ridiculous it sounded but you basically have been adopted by majority of the SHINee members, often doting on you since they met you at the recording studio.

"Go on, you guys can wait outside, I'll just return these then I'll head out. Bummie oppa, can you take my bag please?"

Key nodded and waved you off as the boys stand up, getting themselves ready, picking up any loose items and placing them in your bag before collectively leaving the library.

As you navigated what felt like a maze, you began muttering curses. Particularly, curses about Taemin. In your eyes the man was complete idiot, but so were you. Your suddenly vocalized monologue of being annoyed, made your blood boil, expressing your disbelief that you even liked him, still like him, hell he never left your thoughts for more than minute, you sighed to yourself, that only if you knew what he was like outside of his idol image, you wouldn't have picked him as your bias.

Your ramblings had manifested physically, every time you voiced out something that Taemin did that annoyed you, you would grab one of the more sturdier book and lightly bang it against your head, or a surge of energy would cause you to jump up and down, punching the air violently before letting out a barely there scream.

"You're an idiot Lee Taemin... so fucking drunk, you forgot it was me that night.." you sighed in defeat while placing a book on one of the shelves.

Seeing the book you had just placed, suddenly get taken away, definitely spooked you, but you were ill prepared to see a face pop into view. Taemin's face, looking at you with curious eyes. "Hm. For someone who had a lot to say about me, you're pretty silent now", his voice felt flat, cold, unnatural.

"You'd be silent too if you got scared like I did" you scoffed, walking away, continuing to look for the sections the remaining books in your arm would go.

"So... you still like me huh?" Taemin smirks, following you and grabbing a random book from a shelf to inspect it, brushing his finger against the pages before returning it.

"I'm surprised that's what you got amongst all the other shit I've said.."

You stop in an aisle and tried to appropriately place a book on the shelf, making sure it didn't accidently push out another book or accidentally smash and crimping the pages. "Why are you here Taemin?", you paused but your head refused to look at his direction.

Taemin's frame casually leans against the bookcase, folding his arms and bit his lips a few times, an obvious sign that he was hesitant in speaking out his thoughts. He carefully brushed his dark locks back and sighed, turning his head away as he tries to form sentences in his head before speaking out of turn. "Look Y/N, I know we really haven't seen eye to eye recently and yeah I know, you blame me for not debuting..."

"Look at that. The great SM ace, Lee Taemin is self aware after all", the dryness in your voice, mixed with sarcasm, didn't seem to faze him at all.

"I didn't tell SM to use your name. Frankly I would have been happy to say it was a secret girlfriend and then make a 'breakup' announcement a few months later" Taemin tried to defend himself..

"Oh for crying out loud Taemin...." you groan softly, rolling your eyes, but your words had stopped, trapped in between your tongue. An aggravated sigh left your lips before pushing past him and turning a corner to place your last book in its spot.

"Look, I said I'm sorry! I'm sorry I stalled your plans..." he sighs defeatedly, his head following your movement

"Taemin.. ", you take a deep breath before continuing ".. do I look like I give a flying fuck about my plans or debuting?" you tone controlled but loud enough that it was met with a few hushes from lurking students who were also trying to check out a few books.

"Should I not assume so? You looked miserable studying. You looked like you'd rather be anywhere else but here" he retorts, pacing up closer to you and grabbing your arms to pull you to a more secluded part of the library, ending up near the door of an emergency stairwell.

The strength in which he dragged you, should be something you could easily counter, but you felt weak in his hold, like something in you wanted to see where this could lead, then again, you are not the happiest towards him, so you have to actively try and push him away.

"Let me go Taemin...you're wrong. I'd rather be anywhere else but beside you" you grunted, prying his hands away from your arms, turning on your heels to walk away.

But before you even thought about taking a step, Taemin, grabbed you by the arms again, pulling you towards him and pinning you against the bookcases with a solid thud. His arms placed on either side of your head, gripping onto the shelves, almost leaning down to look at you.

"So what are you so annoyed about then?" his soft voice interlaced with intrigue, he almost sings the question to your ear.

You remained to stand firm, refusing to buckle underneath him, but your eyes met and you couldn't help but soften your gaze the minute you saw those sweet pools, drowning you out. It was tough, but you finally were able to break eye contact, lowering your head , almost pressing down onto his shoulders.

Taemin remained in silence, keeping his position still, only to turn and weave his head whenever to try to observe your face and to gauge your expressions. After a while, he tried to pursue a question he tried to avoid asking since you caught him following you. "Why are you still thinking about that night?"

He was met with your head, shaking, refusing to answer. Taemin presses the question once more, this time, his voice was so sweet to your ear it was almost tempting. Your eyes close and your head throws back, banging the back slightly against the shelving, in a rhythmic pulse. "Y/N?"

"That night in Spain? The photos? Taemin, that wasn't some random girl. It was me", your eyes open to see his face so close to yours.

Taemin remained silent, nothing on his countenance could help you gauge his thoughts and feelings as you speak. Does he remember? Why is he not reacting at all? Maybe he doesn't like the fact it was me.

"Then you left the next morning and by the afternoon.. you didn't even remember it was me that you were with...", your voice quivered, trying to remain calm.

"So you know something after all..."

A dry chuckle left Taemin's throat, and you stared at him, puzzled and worried. For the longest time since the photo leak and days prior to it, you assumed that Taemin had no recollection of that night or who he was with. To the same extent, Taemin had made similar assumptions towards you.

Now both of you are faced with the dilemma and knowledge, that you two remember a little bit more than you two would like to reveal. The memories did puzzle themselves back together with rough timeline of that night.

SHINee have often holidayed in Spain and took notions to fly out there during their spare time. They can roam around somewhat anonymously and usually you would be tagged along with them.

The last trip you accompanied them with, they were finally able to do the trip without any 'company' chaperone. That means, it was just the 5 of you, with no managers, no on-site Korean local translators, no supervision and no nightly check-ups.

Through tactical socializing and a few friendly handshakes and offers for drinks, you managed to get you and the boy a last minute reservation for a booth in a club that you had heard about from another indie artist. It was esentially the group's first night of freedom and the boys could be messy as long as it didn't generate enough buzz back home.

So it was no surprise that Minho had turned into a sporty frat boy for the duration of the trip, Key pushed the limits of his alcoholism , Onew, being the great leader that he is, was reserved, dabbling into drinking and re-exploring the world of cigarettes and cigars. Taemin on the other hand, had no qualms of suppressing his need to flirt, to seduce and to casually bang girls for the duration of the trip. If it weren't for you and Key returning back to the AirBnB, you wouldn't have caught Taemin trying to eat out a girl on the dining table.

A stark difference to the Taemin, who only a few weeks up to that point, could barely have enough of you. He was flirty, attached to the hip and endlessly sought out ways to catch your attention. To only have himself in your eyes and he was well aware that you liked him back. But after a heart-breaking rejection from your end, Taemin's attitude had somewhat flipped and next thing you know you were cast aside. Still friendly, but somewhat off.

It shouldn't hurt the way it should have, and god knows you were madly into Taemin, but with your career on the line, at the time, rejecting him felt like it was the only right thing to do.

So when it came to that night in the club, it was almost weird to have Taemin cling onto you. He stuck close by and eventually when Key, Minho and Onew were basically trapped in their own bubble, partying with the locals on opposite sides of the place, Taemin was practically inseparable from you.

The way he mewled your name, how he sat close you, resting his arms over your shoulder, his spare hand resting on your lap, and how he'd pull you in, so you could hear his ramblings through the loud music. All of it, along with your trusted wingman, alcohol, made the night one giant dream.

That night, Taemin would passively comment how you broke his heart and now he had to find you through other girls. How none of them carried the weight your smile did for him. How he could never get lost in their eyes. How he never felt the need to protect their smiles. Eventually, Taemin blamed himself for his actions. He knew better, he knew what it was like to debut and the price that came with that; he understood why you had to reject him in the first place.

At some point, you were convinced the the boy didn't know what he was on about. You heavily doubted he'd remember all of this and you'd find out the next morning that you'd be right.

Equally, you too delved into the deepest parts of your heart, affirming Taemin that you also liked him back, how you've always had a crush in him and in the turbulent world of the industry, more than SHINee, more than anyone else, Taemin had been the most supportive. He was the only one who saw you sparkle the way you wanted to. You both know, you were madly obsessed with each other, but there was never the right time. Pouring your heart out came easy with alcohol, but you remained coy, almost demure, despite your choice of clothing, and Taemin loved all of it and he admits to you that he has to come into terms of letting the idea of you go.

But he followed you to the dancefloor that night, amongst the crowd, his hands barely left your waist, moving and grinding against your body. As the climactic beat drops, his head would also lower, softly grazing his lips along your neck, peppering it with kisses until you succumb and sink back into his frame, rolling your head to the side, giving him more access to drown you in affection. Suddenly you two were lost in the buzz and the music and by the time you had spun around to face Taemin, all sense of thought just left your head.

You grabbed him by his shirt and him pulling you closer than possible, the vague memory of whispering, unsure who said what.. It was barely audible and you could barely remembered what you said to him and what his response was, but it must have been something insane because immediately, Taemin has pulled you closer, hand on your neck and waist as he plants a heavy and heated kiss. Instinctively, you pushed into the kiss, lapping up his lips and softly nibbling on the bottom one before letting out a soft moan as his teeth grazes on your tongue, one of his hand sneakily reaching down to squeeze your ass through your dress.

Then it was a blur. Amongst your memories was the heavy make-out sessions in the bathroom in the club, the make-out in the hallway on the way out of the club, getting in trouble with the taxi driver as you two could barely keep your hands off each other.

The next thing you remember is waking up in your bed, naked, feeling a bit sore, but also alone. As you crawl over to the edge of the bed, you see your discarded clothes, but no evidence of the man you brought to your bed last night.

By lunch time as you came to the dining table late, despite being severely hungover, Onew and Minho teased you as a large bruised mark encompassed the side of your neck, Key was busy making brunch and Taemin who was sitting opposite you, was claiming, he truly had minor recollection of last night but vividly remember making out with a random 'bitch'. That was the term he used and it was stuck in your brain like glue. He probably didn't mean it as maliciously as he intended, but it still stung you, confused on the exact events, but you were damn near certain, it was you and Taemin who were in bed, but maybe not. Maybe it wasn't Taemin I was with. You try to convince yourself that it really wasn't Taemin because we would never cross the line like that.

So you also claim that you had no memory, claiming the last thing you remembered was convincing Key to do shots with you, before flirting with some dancer who was up on makeshift stages. Taemin's face contorts in confusion before remaining silent, internally questioning whether you truly forgot, because you spoke so confidently not even throwing a glance at him.

By the look on his face now, and his words earlier on that you could tell the memory wasn't too blurred for him, in fact he appears to remember all of it, down to the last detail, while you only have a vague recollection of it. A memory that you only remembered clearer access to, months after the fact. After the photo leak, after the PR announcement, after several months of posed "photo-ops". By that point, you almost seemed certain it was him and to you, it seemed like you were the only one to remember. How wrong you were now.

Now that you two are standing so close to each other in the back corner of some library, the tense intimacy of hearing the shift of one's breathing or the slight double beat of their pulse.

"Even if I only remember some bits..." you hissed lowly, slightly pushing Taemin back with your hands to create a gap. "To you, I was just another girl in your endless quest and I'm not going to stand here pretending I'm okay with that" the was a quiver in your voice, eyes glistening, as you duck under his arms, attempting to leave, pushing the door of the emergency exit stairwell, rushing down the stairs

"What? Hold on y/n, what?", puzzled, Taemin chases after you, slamming the fire door shut.

Taemin was almost too stunned, yes, he may have tried to suppress the memories of that night but it was apparent to him and only him that he remembered that night distinctively different from you. His eyes cast over, as you starts rushing down the set of stairs, before turning back to look at him, ready to scream.

"For fuck's sake Taemin, you took advantage of the fact that I had feelings for you.! Then the next day, you thought you had been with a random girl, when it was me! Turns out you knew all along and yet you have been nothing but an asshole to me. I lost my chance at a good career trying to protect you!" your voice croaked loudly, feeling the pain in your chest swell.

The blur of sadness and rage seeped into you and seeing the shocked look on his face, made it impossible for you to know how you truly wanted to vent out but you at least wanted to make yourself heard.

"Take advantage? Of your feelings?!"

"Yes, you did!"

"Y/N, you know damn well, I have always been interested in you, you knew how much I wanted to be with you. You knew that I would never use you like that. I would never hurt you like that"

"Never hurt me? You left me in the morning like I'm just your average one night stand. You made me believe, you didn't even care enough to remember me after I gave myself to you that night. After I poured my heart and soul out to you. And in the last year, you made me think, I was the most despicable person in earth to you... "

Your words struck like ice to Taemin, internally questioning how wrong you have been about it all. He angrily kicks the wall and paces trying to control the hot air that filled his lungs.

"Tell me I'm wrong!" you push a little bit, taking one step up to face the man above you.

"You are wrong.." he whispers lowly, but enough for you to catch it.

"Why?"

"I...I can't.." the groan that escapes him almost sounds beastly.

"Taemin, if you can't tell me that I was wrong, then can you consider that I am right? Instead of resisting it, can't you just admit to me that it's your fault we are in this mess" you were practically pleading, maybe because internally you wish that something was different like something was missing on your part and maybe Taemin could finally answer it.

"No, you're wrong."

"Then tell me wh -- "

"--because it was you who begged from the very beginning, y/n! You're the one who told me to never mention it", he yells back, aggravated that he was suddenly being turned to a bad guy. "You told me, no matter what, that night was a dream, to draw a line over it. Had I known that it would affect you this much, I would have said something" Taemin blurts out. "I spent the last year, trying to make it easier for you."

"Wh-what? Easier?!", you were taken aback, a little breathless but mildly insulted, nothing about your life in the last year has been easy.

"At the dancefloor, you told me that you wished that we weren't who we were, so we could experience the sensation and thrill of being obsessed with each other.. " Taemin suddenly paused, trying to control his facial expression as he wracks his brain to continue speaking. "... then at home, after... after we fucked..", cementing the action in his brain after struggling for ways to phrase it. "After that, you cried Y/N. As we passed out, you wished that this was all a dream and asked that we should forget about it, because then it wouldn't be as hard to fool ourselves, that there was no sparks, no chemistry, no connection, between us. "

Taemin continues to elaborate the year long pain that struck his heart. The morning after, he doubled down on your wishes, claiming he was with another girl instead. How, back in Korea, when the photos leaked, he intended to reject the idea of using your name to cover his actions, but you had already agreed before he could contest it and the company rolled with it. He even feigned innocence and honest worry, when he got the rest of SHINee to ask you about that night but the more they asked, the more you replied that nothing happened and probably just had a steamy makeout session in a hallway with a dancer or a random club goer.

He felt like the facade of acting like a couple, was a knife to both of your hearts. To be so dishonest in the shared affection between you two whether it was in public or on camera and it broke him. So in effort to spare the both of you from the illusion of what might have been, he actively distanced himself even more since the night you two shared, but he also actively stopped sleeping around and threw himself into work because all he wanted was you, but to him it seemed like you no longer saw him the same way.

"I spent the last few months, wishing that we didn't need to avoid it. To talk about it. Maybe.. if we were a little honest with each other, then we wouldn't be in this shit show" he sighs, stepping down the stairs so he was just one step above you, looking down at you.

His forehead was on a tightly knit, eyes desperately looking into yours as if he was searching for the answers to his problems.

You, on the other hand was left speechless, looking at him unravel and pour his heart out made you shake your head as you continue down the stairwell, trying to control your breathing as the impeding breakdown creeps in your chest.

There was a cold unfathomable tension as the silence got longer, you could barely string sentences trying to see the good in the misguided flaw of Taemin's plans. As you reach the fire exit door that leads to a small hallway where another exit of the library is, you look back to see Taemin was not too far off, just one flight of stairs behind you before he sits on the top step, looking at you with pitiful eyes.

"Please say something, y/n.."

Your hands tried to push the door open, trying to ignore the situation, but you had more questions than answers and you were unsure what state your heart was. "If you had known after all... you could have something, because I spent months thinking, you didn't remember. I spent months trying to hate you, even when my career went down and I couldn't"

"I gathered as much. I wished you had said something too, because it was so damn believable. I genuinely thought you regretted that night so hard, it was out of your memory. Even Key hyung, asked you about it repeatedly" his soft voice lowered along with his head.

He was right, You did find Key's behaviour odd, but you also assumed Key was just looking out for you, making sure nothing terrible happened that night. As you look at Taemin, you couldn't bear the last year being one giant misunderstanding. You bit your lip, grunting in annoyance before pushing the door open, attempting to leave the building with Taemin not too far behind you. The soft whimper he lets out as you walk away, catches your ear.

There's the Taemin you know. Determined, warm and willing to do anything to make it right between the two of you. This Taemin would always be one step behind you at all times. He calls your name repeatedly despite you ignoring it. What can you say to him? I'm sorry? I take it all back. Let's start over again? No. You shook your head, nothing was right and suddenly the sight of the rest of SHINee, looking at you put a harder strain in your chest.

As Taemin tries to catch up, Key holds back Minho and Onew from approaching the two of you after seeing the distraught look on your face, barely keeping it together from breaking down crying. Key knew, he had to let Taemin handle this on his own.

"Y/N, please talk to me!" Taemin calls out, almost screaming once you two were outside.

Your steps halted to a pause. You wanted to run to the rest of them, to hug them and distract yourself, but with Taemin behind you, you were pitted in the middle. Deal with Taemin or tell the rest what happened. Your feet shuffles, turning to the dark haired boy, slowly walking towards him. "What is there to talk about Taemin?"

"Everything..."

"There's nothing to talk about.."

"Yes there is. Where are we Y/N?"

"Nowhere, there's nothing between us. Apparently we don't hate each other and we are bad at talking to each other." a defeated laugh escapes your throat as a tear decorates your cheek, the weight of the last year suddenly feeling much more lighter. "We were both in the wrong.. "

"So what now? A-are we good...? What do we do now?" Taemin fumbles, seeing you cry brought him back to that moment, wanting nothing more than to hug you.

"I guess... we're good?" nodding your head with a soft smile. "We definitely need to share everything that we know.."

"What happens next?", there was glimmer in Taemin's eyes, for the first time in a while he rarely saw a genuine smile from you that was meant for him.

Pensively, you sucked your bottom lip in, biting on it gently as you ponder his words, before nodding your head, almost bowing. Your feet itched to start walking towards the rest of the guys, as you leave Taemin behind. As soon as you knew, you were within an earshot of Taemin and the rest, you quickly spin to face his direction.

"Yah! Lee Taemin, how about we try being friends again!" you yelled out to him with a grin. "You'll end up trying to win me over again right? I'll be expecting you in the future!"

"Oh? I'll hold you to that! If you fall in love with me again, you can't say no this time!" Taemin yells back, laughing as he chases after you before hopping to hook an arm around your shoulder and his spare hand ruffle your hair.

Meanwhile, the rest of the guys smile to each other, seeing that peace has been brokered between you and Taemin. They chuckle as they expect you two barrelling towards them, quickly ruffling Taemin's hair before hugging you.

"I won't miss the chance to win you over in the future." Taemin began sighing as he takes a step in front of you and holds his hand out. "I'll do it right this time. But we only have now, tonight. So.. hello, I'm Lee Taemin"

You smile sweetly, bowing before you take his hand and shake it agreeably. "Hello, I'm Y/N. Please look after me!", you bow once more.

For the first time in a long time, its like the world had given you a second chance to reset. A gift for the two lives to connect again. That was you and Taemin, it was a turbulent year indeed, but now the shackles of your mistakes will just be a memory, a learning anecdote. Maybe this time, you will finally give him a chance and maybe this time, Taemin would communicate a bit better.

As the five of you walk towards the main square outside the library to catch a taxi to the closest open restaurant, just ever so slightly, you and Taemin were just a half step behind the rest. Throwing soft glances at each other, slowly communicating that it will be all okay eventually. Yes there is so much more to handle and talk about, but right now at this moment, you two were okay, there was no animosity, no angry tensions, it was just a bittersweet happiness and right now that was enough. Both of you stepped on the bridge at the same time and hopefully one day, you two would meet in the middle with a more happier situation that you two wanted.

"So, would now be a bad time to tell yous that I knew you two banged?" Minho quickly interjects as the group waits by the road.

The groups looks at the tall male in shock, almost ready to jump him.

"What? I literally saw you walk out of her room shirtless with your back covered in scratches. Had to wipe it from my memory. I know Taemin was a playboy, but didn't want to imagine that Y/N was a freak in bed too" Minho gestures towards Taemin and you with a slight disgusted look on his face

"Hyung!"

"Oppa!"

You and Taemin whined as Minho chuckles to himself earning a slap on the shoulder from Key. In the midst of the chaos, Taemin had instinctively wrapped his arm around your shoulder, almost shielding you from the embarassment, but also reaffirming that both of you are suffering together in said embarassment.

"What? Too soon? They'll eventually need to laugh about it!" Minho looks defensively as Key curses him out for his tactlessness.

Then that's when it happened. You were laughing, stark red in the face and you take a stealing glance at the man who still had his arm around you, but you looked a little longer than expected and Taemin had turned his head enough to lock eyes with you. The world almost paused in that moment and the bubble had formed. The both of you knew there was still pain in your hearts, but you two could finally talk about it now. That's when it happened. The spark that never wavered. The chemistry that never died. The knowledge that this could be something great as long as you two worked on it together.

Taemin flashes a weak smile, like he was still burdened, mouthing, It's okay. We'll be okay. He tries hard to not get so teary eyes as he ruffles your hair, before guiding your head so he could plant a kiss on your forhead. His breathing hitched trying not to full on bawl in front of everyone. He realized and so did you, that you two have wasted a year in this madness and the only step forward is to learn and heal and not look back. You found your arm also hooking around his torso, to pull him tighter for a hug.

"We'll be okay.."

"I know.."

"Promise me something right now Taemin.." you quickly state as the taxi rolls towards the group.

"Anything"

"No matter how hard I push and pull.. don't give up on... us"

"I promise. Like I said, I will win you over properly this time. And this time, there will be no confusion about it" he quickly pecks your cheek before he guides to the taxi door, holding it open for you.

"I'm sorry for everything.."

"I'm sorry too..."

What happened was the past now. All you and Taemin can do is just take everything, one step at a time. Together.

Fin

#taemin scenario #lee taemin #taemin x reader #taemin #taemin fanfic #taemin x female reader #taemin angst

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thesilliestsys · 9 months

Text

YELLOWTUSK ANALYSIS CAUSE I LOVE HER

which is mainly me rewatching the special and analyzing scenes in order + explaining why it feels like share cares about azure more than macaque ever cared about wukong.

i know it’s bad to compare present yte to past macaque, but yte openly set aside her worries in trade for loyalty towards her brother, something macaque didn’t seem like he could do. she KNEW what would happen if azure failed, but stood with him anyway cause he’s her brother.

like macaque sort of took it whenever people would cut him off whenever he’d try to express worries and give advice but yellowtusk willingly set hers aside.

and i’ll elaborate more on her caring for azure (on it’s own, not in comparison.) from here down.. scene by scene, so major special spoilers

in the first scene we see yellowtusk sitting on a lower elevated platform near azure. she’s visibly crafting a new world order, one where — once further inspected — the underworld and heaven and the mortal realm are at their equals. she’s kept near azure because she knows that she can reign him in, and i feel like this relates sort of how right hand men used to be used in old war efforts.

i feel like this easily displays their sort of relationship, especially whenever she looks up to see azure struggling and lets out a hum, not moving to take a stand and help not moving to take a stand and help i him unless he asks for it — acknowledging that he may interpret the fact that she thinks he needs her help as “she thinks i’m weak and can’t handle this,” especially with the stress putting a strain on how he communicates and registers situations (which is seen in the scene with peng at the celestial’s dining hall.)

the next scene we see her in is in azure’s tainted flashback, and i like to take notice of how azure remembered the way that she was standing near him!!! there’s not much to analyze here besides the fact that he keenly remembers her resting her weapon over her shoulder and wukong putting his little hat on. it’s obvious why he remembered wukong in specific, but why yellowtusk and not peng or dbk?

when azure starts to lose control of his power, she was already standing in front of him — as though she was watching him through his power-addled flashback and waiting for a time to step in. she seals the power in an instant, voicing her worries in a carefully crafted way. she says that perhaps their ambitions were premature — she takes extra care not to hint that azure can’t handle this, or that he shouldn’t have done it, and i think that means a lot.

she addressed him by his name with such sincerity it scares me. she tells him about how the realm is damaged, again, carefully not mentioning azures own capacity or whether or not he was the right person to take on such responsibility.

the next scene we see her in is with peng, and the way that she’s trying to communicate her worries towards someone who can handle confrontation better than she can.

“this is not the change we dreamt of” to me, at least, is hinting further at “i did not dream of a future where my brother was struggling (to hold the universe together).”

she communicates to peng that azure cannot control the power in the way he intended, and that he’s tearing the world into pieces. this sort of approach greatly contrasts the way she addresses azure gently and with constructive advice, and i think that means a lot to depict their relationship. she says that she’s done all she can to aid in containing it, given all she has, but when he loses his hold there won’t be any more hope for this world. she knows enough about azure to depict his next move (losing control unwillingly), even when the move will be made without his input.

she then proceeds to put in her input in a more forceful manner, desperation for her brother to listen to her helping wipe away the usual gentle demeanor she keeps with him. she says “azure, you cannot contain this power.” and that is what sets him off, completely putting her previous dancing around the topic into a different context. she was trying to avoid setting him off with that specific wording, and it’s shown why here.

azure quickly reigns himself in, and, characteristically, blames his problems and his struggles on wukong.

azure tries to go off and finish off wukong and mk, and yellowtusk advises that there are more important issues than settling grudges. she’s trying to make sure he’s putting all he has into keeping the realms steady and in-tact, the way she’s given all she’s had into trying to steer him in the right direction.

when azure teleports them to the fight, she doesn’t complain — through it’s obvious she’s not as eager as peng is.

the next scene we see her in is attacking ‘B-TEAM’, and this is where the infamous dialogue comes from! tang informs her that “if we don’t stop them —“ and she cuts him off with “i know full well what will happen should azure fail. but he is my brother, i owe him my life.”

sandy explains that he understands where yellowtusk is coming from, and relates to him, but he doesn’t understand that yellowtusk would stand by azure at the cost of the world, and i feel like this highlights the difference between friends and sworn brothers.

the way she stutters when saying “but — but he is my brother.” shows that this is somewhat of a sensitive topic for her, and that this devotion doesn’t come easy — but she’ll do it for someone she cares about so deeply.

pigsy says “i’m sorry, pal, but nothing is worth that price.” and this further highlights the relationship difference mentioned earlier.

tang explains in the next scene that yellowtusk is shown that if nobody stops azure, there’s no winner — they all lose. yellowtusk falls into pessimism when she says that it’s too late, and that the damage that has been done is irreversible, and that there is no hope — and she’s known this for a while, i believe, especially with the way that she mentioned similar worries to peng earlier in the special.

sandy reassures her, and calls her friend!! not necessary to her relationship with azure, but a cute detail.

yellowtusk expresses that their unconditional hope is naïve, but that he’ll humor it nonetheless. it’s not like he has many other options.

the next scene we see him in is trying to help the others seal away the jade emperors power!!! not much to comment on here, besides the fact that macaque joins in after she sees yellowtusk join in. worry-warts working together 🩷🩷

the last scene we see her in is expressing that while she admits that what she and her brothers did collectively was wrong, she outright refuses to speak bad on azure’s memory — saying “i will not condemn the noble intentions of my brotherhood. we hoped to create a better world, to protect it with all our might — but it took me far too long to realize what real heroes looked like.” i feel like this show of loyalty and acceptance simultaneously is a beautiful way to conclude her current relationship with azure.

the way that she recognizes that their intentions were noble, but their execution resulted in nothing but hardship. she knows that her brother meant good, and will not lie for the sake of pleasing the main cast.

she’s such a gorgeously written character and i honestly need to see her again in season 5, alongside peng. i want to see her mourn the loss of her brother in her own special way — not necessarily crying and weeping.

this is probably trailing further into headcanon territory but i like to think about yellowtusk seeing azure in mk’s body language, in mei’s way of handling situations, in redson’s word choice. seeing him in every oceanic imagery. seeing him in the way peng softens when it’s just the two of them. she visibly cares so much about him and it means so much to me.

SHE means so much to me. i love her with all my heart

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk yellow tusk elephant #monkie kid yellowtusk #yellow tusk elephant #lmk azure lion #monkie kid azure lion #azure lion #yellowtusk x azure lion

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