#I wish I had that confidence level

[ride-a-dromedary]

Alright, the jack in the box is wound, and the coherence is coming to me. Halsin and the dryad, I was talking about his response if the PC indicates that he is most comfortable after a supper large enough to induce hibernation:

"Mindless gorging...? No, that is not right. I did not realize you thought that of me."

And why this keeps catching in my mind is not necessarily what he says, but how he says it (so I am commending Dave Jones' voice acting here). The rest of Halsin's responses to incorrect answers are generally even toned and corrective; firm, usually, but not inherently overly emotional. Much like a teacher correcting a student. But this one...he sounds genuinely surprised and taken aback that the PC would even suggest that. The "no, that is not right" is even firmer on its heels. And the last part...the last part, his voice is smaller. Less forward. I would not go so far as to suggest hurt, but it is approaching that territory. It comes so fast after his firm no, that it almost sounds like something that slipped by accident. Like something that was meant to be muttered under the breath, but it slipped from him because the surprise was so organic.

Alone, it doesn't mean too much. It's a slight offense to an obviously nonfactual statement. And that's likely all it is. I'm about to read too deep into this, I am aware.

But combined with the other things spread throughout Halsin's dialogue, particularly the implication that he is otherwise used to people making commentary on his physical appearance or the physicality of his being, it suggests an extra layer of hurt. An extra layer of: "I did not expect this from you, of all people." Not quite a betrayal, but approaching one.

What makes it particularly catching, is that one of the things you are able to wrench (and I say wrench because getting Halsin to share mundane personal details about himself is a production - and it makes *sense* it's a production if a. We keep in mind that Halsin himself doesn't seem all too sure who he is beyond his preoccupation - which elves are prone to but Halsin also just has...a lot on his plate that have evidently stunted his identity formation - to the point where he even claims he was forgetting who he was, and b. If he is used to questions concerning himself and his experience leading into questions regarding his sex life or his physical activities, see: the companion banter with Wyll and Karlach, he likely...doesn't really keep ready details about himself personally on tap anymore. He's so unused to people being interested in Halsin, that he's taken aback when they are. It becomes the "In the moment, I forget everything and anything I like to do for fun" mentality - no one really cares about what I like to do anyway - if you will. He even goes so far as to joking that the PC may be a doppelganger because *why else would they want to know these things*) out of Halsin when you ask him about himself is that he has a sweet tooth. That he likes honey, and people find that amusing. He chuckles, but his face falls, evidently prepping for the PC to make a similar comment (and he attempts to beat you to the joke about that, though a PC can still call that "on the nose" to which he responds that there is little point in denying oneself if it doesn't hurt anybody - indulging isn't a bad thing). If the PC instead chooses that he should pay little attention to what others think, he gives that infamous: "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt" line. Which implies - regardless of whether he verbalizes it or not - things in this thread hurt his feelings. Comments or assumptions about his body and his person hurt his feelings. He won't say it, but they do. The PC is likely aware of this by this point in the relationship.

Halsin does not otherwise bring up eating or food to any level of significance or directness - the sweet tooth comment was the only time (you could assume outside of canon interactions that they've had other conversations between them and that perhaps this was brought up, but we are going to base this solely in what Halsin reveals in canon). He brings up hibernation, but specifically the sleeping part of it. Nothing else.

So, the PC then potentially goes ahead and makes an assumption of him during the dryad. How'd they arrive at this conclusion, as it obviously surprises Halsin that they did? It reads, very much, that the PC is making this assumption based on the comment about his sweet tooth, his comment on indulgence, and his physicality (note: the ha ha bear and hibernation thing almost seems like an afterthought - Halsin latches *very* quickly onto the "mindless gorging" part). All things that he has shown very evident discomfort (which is ironic because the question is when he feels most comfortable) or hesitance towards (he claims there is nothing wrong with indulgence, but never seems to indulge himself beyond sex, if that. Gee, what does that remind you of?)

Halsin entrusted this individual with this information, as frivolous as it was, potentially revealed that it hurts his feelings when people make assumptions of him, and this individual then went used that information and made the assuming connection: "So, this is a big man. He said he liked sugar, so he must like to eat and indulge. It must be his favourite thing to do because look at him." I am going to essentially ignore everything else I could have possibly heard, and make a bear hibernation joke that has nothing to do with sleeping being a comfort, but emphasize the eating part.

So, yeah, he's a little taken aback - incredulous, you might say. A little hurt. Resigned, almost. Because at that point, you can make a very logical assumption that Halsin came to a very quick snap realization that perhaps this person was not so different from the others as he thought. That it always eventually comes back to that. What else was he expecting? When has it ever been any different for him?

#BG3 Musing #Halsin Posting #does this make sense i don't think it does but it's like...jumping from a - z based on assumption and you know what they say about that #note: this isn't actually this deep i am just making it this deep - also yes i'm aware it probably means none of this #i have a degree in bullshit #but this is also why halsin should have had a legitimate bear like build of a body #i understand why he didn't - but this is *verbatim* what fat individuals receive as assumptions on their person #*all the time* that oh you must overindulge yourself you must eat a lot you must you MUST #and in that thread of thought of halsin's relationship with his body #there's also something to say when halsin says 'my ears are all yours...any part of me is yours should you wish it' #because he *begins* by offering his sympathy and understanding...but follows it up with 'but if i am more valuable to you in this way #then that's fine too - i'm used to that' #almost parallels (inadvertently) astarion's: #'i think i'll enjoy having halsin around not for his wit or wisdom he'll just make an excellent shield if we're attacked' #he's self aware #and in regards to how halsin sees his body as a separate entity - a. body dysmorphia and b. i don't think he truly does #halsin claims he sees his body as a vessel to serve nature and wrinkles his nose at vanity - but i feel there is enough old hurt in him #that this can never be true of him even is he so desperately wishes it was #does he have a level of confidence in himself? obviously he does - but it is marred - it's an exchange #there's always going to be that little voice in the back

[beggars-opera]

Do you think any of the old masters truly understood the enormity of their own balls when they started signing paintings with just their first names? What would have happened if they hadn't become famous? Would we point and laugh? Oh-ho-ho, look at this dickwad Raphael, you think you're so special huh??? This is Renaissance Italy, get a less common name and try again bud

#art #to be fair I don't know if Raphael just signed his first name #Rembrandt definitely did though #I wish I had that level of confidence

[shou-jpeg]

Going into KinnPorsche armed with the knowledge that Porsche’s sweet, lovely younger brother developes a thing with one of the mafia brothers like

Expectation:

Reality: 

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kimchay #mygifs #first thai drama i've ever seen and ngl im hooked #someone on my dash has been spamming it the last several weeks and I finally caved bc it looked good #it is good #also im like more invested in whatever is going on between these two than i am in kinn and porsche lmao #so soft #so sweet #so pure #chay has my whole heart #also lmao kim basically straight up asking chay to write him a love song #i wish i had that level of confidence

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"

#tw suicide #i wish i was joking #i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me?? #said something to the emergency room psych #she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended #she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds' #i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i #could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence #is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts? #this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he #could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs #i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the #boy. i have confided in her before she's great) #she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m #to see the psych and escalate care #but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly #it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan #i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access #i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't #there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that #makes sense #ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD #personal #puddleglum hours

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

peace and love on planet earth save me.... peace and love on planet earth.... save me peace and love on planet earth....

#had a terrible night last night and am having an awful morning so far bc. I agree with everyone but disagree with #the level of some of the reactions #if that makes sense #I'm being intentionally vague but. I did talk this through with someone last night #I just think the magnitude of some responses may simply be... overreacting? at least in my perspective #and the perspectives of several people who I'm fairly close to #it's simply... I really struggle with having solid opinions about stuff bc I'm not confident in my knowledge #my political views are essentially ''I wish everyone would be nice and get along'' #which ik is not possible in this world. however. I #I don't think that giving up a whole Interest and something you love just bc of something someone associated with it believes #is necessarily always called for?? and in this case I don't think that it is??? #maybe 2 people will get what I'm saying here and I don't want to get into arguments. I think killing and destruction should STOP #end of story. idc who is doing it or why. I think it should just stop. but I also don't think dropping [REDACTED] for associating #with someone whose support falls the other way (saying this as kindly as I can btw :/ ) is necessarily a response that needs to be had #does that make sense?? at all??? #I just wanna have fun next weekend 😭 #anyway. Christian girlies and anyone who prays please pray for me to stop overthinking and overfeeling this

[bishonenspit]

posting your artwork publically can be so rewarding and so motivating but most of the time it just results in psychological turmoil inflicted on yourself

#like oh my god girl help #im so sad and over my confidence to do with my art being paper thin and fragile but nothing changes no matter how much i like a piece #i hate the idea that artists only draw for interaction bc i definitely do not do that id have to be stupid to with the stuff i draw #but i also hate the idea that artists shouldn't want interaction on their work? like it's a very human emotion to want your work to be seen? #i just wish people liked my stuff more truly. im aware my style is specific and to a particular taste and ik that my work isn't the like #high flawless standard of most traditional art that gets posted. like ik that and like god i wish i had that skill level but i don't!! #i like what i do tho i just wish it felt like a lot of other people did idk maybe that's vain or something. I don't know!! #i wish i did digital art but i hate working digital lol #ppl don't believe me when i say that digital art is preferred over traditional online but i rlly believe it's true #and if your traditional art does well it's at the level of digital art flawlessness #im simultaneously like im too young to be crazy good like other people online but also im too old to be on the path to getting good. yk #i blame it on a small fandom sometimes but that's unfair bc art within small fandoms still does really well #idk i think im just a flop probably but also i think im insecure. schrodinger's online artist crisis #anyways sorry ignore this im just running my mouth don't pity reblog my shit or anything i don't want that #idk what i want but it's not that lmao #i think i want to be better at art and i want people to like my art. which i have like minimal control over. #being an artist is fun until the turmoil sets in

[handfulofmuses]

Uzi's reaction towards J's comeback is killing me she gotcha there didn't she

#;Playing://BestMonologueEver.mp3 (J) #ooc #“effective drones were cloned more” #*hair flip* #i wish i had J's level of confidence #tbh Uzi only managed to kill her because J had to pull a monologue and severely underestimated that Uzi isn't someone who #cares to listen to that scrap #idk if monster J counts bc that technically wasn't her #J honey I love you but you couldn't have saved the best monologue for a better scene #what if you come up with a better monologue then you'd be all aaaargh i wasted that moment

[qqweebird]

i love my major i love geology/geologineering and paleontology but i hate how… loosey goosey this field is about precision… like obviously they are good diligent scientists but most applications of this study are so large scale that like, decimal points either arent going to make a difference or you literally *cant* in good conscience claim a result to that precision. and when i was mapping in wyoming last summer so much of my job was “just write down what you think is true to your best logical conclusion and if someone disagrees they can go climb the mountain themselves”

#granted i WAS just an undergrad field worker for a grad student’s project there #so i literally was just the ‘hike out there and take some measurements and tell me what you think’ guy & he had to make Actual conclusions #and of course more advanced levels or fields are going to need greater precision for some things #but also my *ENGINEERING GEOLOGY* professor last year was like yeah we just round stuff off bc we arent interested in super precise math #bro this is building dams. we are literally studying a different dam failure every week #and ur telling me to just go fuck the sig figs?? #(again like it makes sense theres so much chaos theory in modeling groundwater e.g. thats its impossible to be that specific) #its just crazy cus im watching a physicist youtuber and shes talking about atomic clocks being used to measure voltage and im here like #god thats so nice. i wish i could be so exact in my field… theres less pressure but also its harder for me to be confident in my answers #youtuber is acollierastro btw i lov her #birdsong

[freckledgeto]

i am not good at. things 👍🏼

#🌙.txt #sorry #confidence levels are so low and so bad right now #applying to profession related jobs should not exist i will just be a desk receptionist for the rest of my life 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 #cannot handle it especially when i feel like i am not good at my job!!!!!!!!!!! #had to put together my portfolio to apply and cried so many times it’s all bad #and a lot of it is also illustration based design and i feel like those are my strongest pieces but i don’t feel like they’re good!! #because i don’t think i’m good at that either!!! #and also i need actually graphic design work. that i like and is good. if i wanna be a graphic designer. #which i think i don’t wannna be that but also that’s the low confidence talking i just wish i wasn’t so behind everyone else AUUUGGHRHGGH #i told my friend about the job too and he applied to it too and his stuff is better and more hireable than mine #and if he gets it that’s fine i would be happpy for him it’s just the fact that i don’t like feeelingggg so behiindddddddddd #i wanna drop out so bad i could always just die #anyways sorry

[magiccowboyhat]

I wanna be Her when I grow up

#I caught up on toh and was just reminded of how much I idolize her #Had to draw my fav #toh #the owl lady #eda clawthorne #I wish I had her level of confidence #and I wish I could pull off such a badgirl Look

[kizuike]

I genuinely do not think I’ll ever get over Iwanaga walking all the way to where they were filming the waterfall scene naked. Why did he do that. Why could he not get naked when he got there. Nobody made him do that. He walked through a residential area naked and says he felt no shame. What is wrong with him

#God I wish I had Iwanaga’s levels of sheer confidence #original #LIKE OK WHAT IS YOUR EXPLANATION FOR THIS. IS HE JUST INTO THAT?

[vampstel]

Goodness… I was overthinking so much earlier. So much so that I had a mental and physical shutdown—

Maybe,, maybe I should stop that and just not think a lot. Just go with the flow and head straight first into things without caring. Easier said than done though e-e

#꒰ v’s rambling ꒱ #• about: personal/miscellaneous #I was just. I can’t even explain what happened esrlier #I wish I had the same mentality Irl as when I play challenging games #Just. dive straight in. Fight the boss it doesn’t matter if you’re low levelled you got this #Like why can’t I be that confident? #Why is it ONLY IN GAMES??? #Man… I should make a video about this /hj #I feel like it would help to talk about this kind of thing to my small platform

[chthonicbeekeeper]

“Hey, am I cute? — Oh, you are very cute.”

some really hot men in The Naked Director who appear for just a scene [2/3]

#jeez i love his smile #well yeah i know he's not conventionally handsome but still the man is hot #i wish i had his level of self-confidence #the naked director #but at least we know who the girl is #miku #nanami kawakami

[sacredbb]

i wish i could just get over//forget about everyone who’s hurt me. especially the people i use to b friends with. it’s been years but i still randomly think about them n everything. it makes my head want to explode.

#friend betrayal wounds 🤪 #i often also wish that i could be on their level and just talk shit and spread rumors about them to others how they’ve done to me #but i ain’t bout lying n shit and don’t want drama #still just hurts #like i should be grateful that all this happened bc i don’t want people in my life that don’t advocate for me and go behind my back and lie #but i fr haven’t had any close friends since #i miss having people to constantly talk to #confide in #hang out with #do crafts w #making friends in yr 20s is hard af #like i’ve had 2 really shitty abusive exs and being with them didn’t hurt as bad as this friendship did

[pyre-the-ren]

I think that one of the most frustrating things about the Nex situation is that most if not all people who were/are in public high school had some sort of experience where violence, harassment, and bullying is overlooked. Where it’s seen as “normal” behaviour, something they children just naturally do and work through. This level of violence, this kind of beating, it’s not something that happens unless if the person doing it feels confident that either they are going to get away with it or it won’t be taken seriously. These things are ramped up. They were able to beat Nex so severely due to neglect by the school. They were able to murder a fellow classmate because they felt safe enough to do so, and now no other child will feel safe.

In America, so many children have to be worried about being shot by some stray, non discriminating bullet, but if you bring in the context of being a minority, and especially part of a minority group that is currently being targeted, that level of fear is ramped up. It’s angering that children continue to be in fear, and that there’s limited power within the hands of every day people in how to change it on a systematic level. How scared children grow up into adults that cannot feel safe enough to raise their children in that same environment. This was a case of hideous neglect, and it’s a case repeated and triumphed over school system after school system.

The principal of the school neglected to take action, didn’t call an ambulance, and even failed to appropriately and respectfully handle the situation and be honest and clear about the things that she’s done. Tiffani Cooper. Know her name. Correct her reputation. The first thing you see when you look up her name shouldn’t be announcements of her being Teacher of the Year or the welcoming of her as the new principal. Her status as a proponent of neglect should be clear for everyone to see. She had as much of a hand in killing Nex as those three girls.

May Nex be in peace. May Nex be remembered how they wish to be remembered. You deserved time to be a child, to grow up, to find yourself, and become your own person. You should have known more than what you’d been shown. You will not be forgotten.

#nex benedict #transgender