#I wish I knew how to describe my own art like this but everytime I try my brain goes completely blank

[kurosara]

Hongjoong x Reader

I didn’t proofread this or anything. I just wrote some middle of the night comfort I needed. 

Angst, sad

I felt my spine unconsciously shiver as yet another cool breeze fluttered heavily past me. A quick glance at my phone told me it was nearing 3 in the morning. The dim light of the screen faded, as my eyes cast back to the bare sky. It was a new moon tonight, and there weren’t many stars out either. There wasn’t anything interesting in the chilly fall weather, unless you counted the never slowing raindrops falling down my cheeks.

Why was I even crying again?

I couldn’t remember. I’d been crying that long. It hadn’t felt like it, but I’ve been sitting on the balcony of my bedroom, suffering in the chilled air, for nearly 6 hours. How long could such an overwhelming feeling last?

An eternity…

A cynical voice taunted me further with evasive thoughts similar to this. It’s dark, and lonely. I’ve whispered curses and wishes to no one. I’ve replied to… no one. Because all I could wonder was if anyone was really listening. The neatly decorated interior, fit with (f/c) furniture and various art pieces and large photos of me and my boyfriend hanging on the wall, felt eerily cruel the moment I walked in. The fleeting thought of my boyfriend stuck for a moment, like the breath hitching in my throat as I visualized his soft smile, a bit of nervousness from smiling at me for the very first time. The happy thought turned sour, the smile fading into a blank stare.

“I’ll be home late…”

The image dissipated with his words. I could barely taste the remnants of the ramen bowl I’d forced down before coming out onto the balcony. The taste was bitter and dry as I forcefully swallowed the growing lump of anxiety. My fingernails, or rather the remaining nubs since I’d chewed off all my nails earlier, felt sticky as they scratched nervously at the cold concrete I was sitting on. I could only assume it was blood from the scraping contact. The balcony’s railing taunted me similar to bars of a jail cell. But at least in prison there are other people.

But here? In this dark and lonely space I created for myself? There is no one. I’ve self-isolated. And every attempt to escape has never been followed through. If I unlocked my phone you’d see the contact pulled up where I’ve nearly called him. And before that a lengthy text that boiled down to one thing; I need you. The text was never sent of course. However, even now as I describe these feelings and sensations, I don’t feel them. They aren’t processed in my mind or my physical body. I simply sat in the corner of the balcony, knees pulled to my chest, staring into pure dark, as my body and the world continued past my racing thoughts of how this is where I should be.

I deserved to be alone.

Keys jingled in the background and it was painfully obvious the individual tried being quiet, but it wouldn’t matter. He could’ve kicked the door in screaming, and I wouldn’t budge an inch.

Hongjoong removed his shoes and hung up his coat on the nearby rack. His bag made a soft sound as he tried to gently slide it onto the couch, hoping his partner was sleeping peacefully, and trying not to disturb that. As he typically did when he ended up home this late, he trekked to the kitchen for a bottle of water to carry to bed. As he exited the kitchen, a cold breeze caught his attention.

Where’s that coming from?

Just like Hongjoong. He knew how much I hated being the slightest bit cold, so the house was always a warm temperature. He narrowed his eyes slightly as he gazed around the empty living room, noticing the cracked balcony door. Cautiously, he approached the door, peering out just the slightest bit and hoping there was no intruder lurking around.

Though he’d really hoped for that to be the case right now versus the sight he was met with.

His eyes barely made out my trembling figure in the corner, huddled against the wall. Immediately Hongjoong turned on the outdoor light and rushed to my side, carefully kneeling beside me.

“Y-y/n?” The worry was so thick in his voice, yet sweet. Like honey.

There he was. My boyfriend. Acknowledging my presence as he always does, yet I hadn’t heard a word. There was no light, though he very clearly turned one on. For a moment Hongjoong panicked. His eyes worriedly scanned my body, searching for any signs of hurt or reason for my being like this. He saw the bloody fingers and the tears still flowing. He knew what was happening, for sadly he’d seen it too many times even before they were dating. At least more times than I’d like. By now though, Hongjoong knew almost how to help. He adjusted his position to sit in front of me, his knees pulled up like mine. He touched his knees to mine, gently pulling my hands from the concrete as he rubbed soothing circles with his thumbs.

I felt the tingling of sensation from the touch, still all I saw was a never ending tunnel of darkness. Hongjoong brought my knuckles to his lips, placing gentle kisses on them before resting them onto our knees. His thumbs didn’t stop caressing the top of my hands as he simply stared into my eyes and mustered the kindest smile he could as he looked at my broken state.

“I know you probably won’t process what I’m saying right now, and that’s alright. Just focus on my voice ok?” He took a shaky breath, feeling his own tears well up, “You’ve been having a hard time lately haven’t you? I know you’ve been eating well and everything because I’ve seen it, but that doesn’t mean you’re alright. And it’s ok to not be ok. It’s not your fault.”

There was a flicker of light, like a shooting star passing across my vision. I swallowed another lump, feeling a bit of warmth from the original tingling sensation.

Hongjoong squeezed my hands, trying to urge warmth into your shivering body. Just the thought of how long you could’ve been freezing made him sick to his stomach. Nonetheless he continued to talk as calmly as he could.

“Just remember that there is someone here for you. I know you don’t always believe that, but it’s true. I am here. Right here.” A single tear rolled down his cheek unwillingly. “I’ll help you pick up the pieces you feel are broken and hold them together for you. I’ll be here to hold you steady when you’re shaking and keep you warm when you’re cold. I’m sorry I was late this time. There’s no telling how long you’ve been here.” Another tear. “But I’m here now baby. I love you.” He squeezed my hands gently once more.

Like a thread, his words formed a silver lining in the dark tunnel. My vision corrupted from pure black, to blurry shapes and images. The feeling of being frozen to my core was slowly warming in the places where his body touched mine. And finally, his beautiful, kind smile. So bright, and such a contrast to the dark space I’d been suffering in. There was a soft ringing that slowly got louder, as I realized his lips were moving. Hongjoong was speaking, yet I could only hear the ringing. Hongjoong saw the way my eyes scanned his face just the smallest bit. His smile grew a bit.

“There you are. It’s ok. Take your time.” He leaned forward, never breaking eye contact as he kissed the back of my hands lovingly.

I squeezed his hands gently, the feeling, or void of feeling, was quickly fading, and in its place a crushing weight on my throat and lungs. My chest heaved at my increased breathing pace, worrying Hongjoong as he realized the anxiety was setting in more than the previous emptiness. Without releasing my hands, he scooted to sit beside me. He let go of one hand to wrap his arm around my shoulder, leaving a gentle kiss on my temple as he whispered sweet nothings.

His voice trickled in like a small river, every other word registering before his kindness fully processed. My beating heart didn’t slow, but it became easier to breathe as I buried my head in the crook of his neck silently. He pulled me closer with one arm, resting his forehead on my hair.

“Do you want to go inside and get under the blankets?” The first full sentence I’d registered in my mind.

I absentmindedly nodded, but before I could attempt to move, Hongjoong was picking me up bridal style, careful like I was an expensive glass or diamond jewelry. Once in our shared bedroom, he placed me on the bed before tossing back the covers and tucking them around me like a child. With a reassuring smile he left the room. Although I knew where he was going, I gripped the covers tightly anxiously waiting for his return.

In a matter of minutes Hongjoong returned with two cups of hot chocolate with small marshmallows, and a pack of hershey’s kisses tucked under his arm too. He set one cup down and offered me the other, which I had to fumble from under the covers to shakily take the cup. The warm liquid felt comforting, with just a splash of caramel the way I loved it. A soft melody played as Hongjoong connected to the bluetooth speaker on the dresser, playing soft instrumentals he had been working on the days prior. Hongjoong climbed into the bed, careful of me and my drink, and opened the chocolates, feeding me one as he grabbed his own drink.

He took the drink gently from me, and pulled a small first aid kit from his pocket, beginning to tend to my wounded fingers. He tried to be as gentle as possible, though I couldn’t stop the involuntary flinching everytime there was direct contact to the broken skin. He continued mumbling soft apologies and comforting words nonetheless. Once he finished wrapping my fingers, he continued with his early motion of serving me my drink and feeding me hershey kisses.

I’m not sure how long we sat like that. Hongjoong rested his head against the headboard, one hand gently playing with strands of my hair, while the other held my own hand. Originally, he had alternated between feeding me chocolates and bringing his now cold drink to his lips. The time on Hongjoong’s phone read 5:52 am. I had long since finished my drink and passed out with my head on his shoulder sometime after 4 I think. Hongjoong hummed softly to the still playing music, like a soothing lullaby. He wanted to make sure I was fully asleep before deciding to move.

Hongjoong gently laid me on the pillow, going to turn off the lamp he’d had on and turning the music down a little more, before crawling back into bed. He cuddled me from behind, his warm chest pressed against my back as he pulled me closer to him in a tight embrace.

“Goodnight my love. Have sweet dreams. When you wake, I’ll be here. I promise. I won’t let you be lonely in the dark if I can help it. I love you. So I hope you use that love as a light. It’s not too late. So don’t give up, ok? We can do this. I love you.”

With a simple kiss to my head, he nuzzled closer, leaving me with floating thoughts.

It’s not too late. I’m not alone.

#hongjoong x reader #fanfic #ateez

[macaronnya]

So I just saw the announcement about the EN server shutting down or at least dicontinued (hopefully just for now) and I might just burst into tears 🥲 I want to put my thoughts or rather feelings of the journy up until now on here to come down but maybe also as some form of comfort for anyone who needs it? It's very long and might have some broken english as it's not my first language so do keep it in mind please 😅

Anyways, I started A3! last year on march 7th because I saw a youtube video of people cosplaying Sakuya and Sakyo. At taht point, I already knew of A3! somewhere in my distant memories back when it was JP only. I decided to try out the game since I was getting bored of my current mobile games and the few reviews I could find of it were relatively positive. I had no idea just what a big part of my life this game was about the become 🤧

Btw I'm listening to some A3! songs right now, specifically Sakuya's 2nd character song, and it's not helping me 😢 So at the time, lockdown just started 2 days ago, which left me with a lot of time playing it and, I kid you not, I gulfed the main story down like it was the last slice of cake at home. I have 2 siblings. I think I finished it in a week or so despite it being only unlockable through leveling up, and if my memory serves me right, you need to be around lvl 75 to unlock all 4 episodes. As one can see, I was VERY invested in the story. It was just so....nice? I don't know how to exactly describe it but I was surprised by how likable everyone was. Of course I didn't hold such strong feelings for everyone back then as I do now but I was intrigued enough back then of nearly everyone, which is kind of rather rare in such types of games, no? At least for me it is, although I haven't played terribly a lot (Love Live, MLQC, Mystic Messenger).

I really like how the story actually continues through the events and how it alternated between stories exploring certain characters more (show events) and stories focusing on just them having fun. Getting to know everyone bit by bit and seeing how everyone grows closer to each other, not only within their respective troupes but the whole theater, makes me really all warm and fuzzy and it's found family, what more could you want?

Also, I really like Izumi, our dear MC 🥰 Even though she's supposed to be our self-insert, I found myself really enjoying reading her thoughts, observing her reactions to other characters' shenanigans (like her 'I do not see' to the members plan of faking their identity to bail Citron out lol) and just....her personality. Trying not to digress here but she has a lot more personality than other MCs in these joseimuke games and it makes her interactions with others not only bearable but even enjoyable. I'm not saying that this is what a perfect MC looks like or that she's superior to bland self-inserts. After all, it depends on the story, gameplay and other things. It's just a nice bonus I'm very grateful for. I mean, I got really emotional when Izumi performed with the other staff members all of the plays the actors have put out so far for the first anniversary. Her realizing she gained a new dream for her lost one just really took my heart, broke it in thousand pieces and then mended it again.

I also love A3! songs ❤ I did wonder how they would work in this franchise since it's not about idols but actors, though I guess there was nothing to worry about. I really like the duets because it's always a different duo and hearing them singing together, harmonizing with each other, complimenting each other, just fills me with undescribable joy. Of course the songs also slap pretty much every time. Even by limiting my options to 1 troupe, I still wouldn't be able to pick only one favourite (I like the majority of Winter's song tho, like Shoutai is just 🤌 and my sibling blasted Unmasked non-stop so I can't get it outta my head anymore). Gosh, I was so excited for 'Double Solitaire' since it would complete trilogy of the Hyodosakas singing together. I was really looking forward to getting all the songs and I was even saving up for Summer Troupe's 6th play.

If I had to describe the game A3! in one word, it'd be "charming". Coming to game itself, there are so many little quirks, that on their own aren't anything groundbreaking or big but together give the game its own flair. Live 2D is pretty common to see nowdays in games because it brings the characters to life through movements like 3D models. But I think A3! is able to illustrate it just as well, if not even better with their 2D sprites. Citron moonwalked by flipping the image over and sliding across the screen, Hisoka appeared out of nowhere by coming from above the screen, they do a little jump when they're happy, they go down a bit when they're sad. And that's just things with their whole sprite. The little drops when Tsuzuru finds himself in an awkward situation or is worried, the little note when Sakuya is happy, the hearts when Kazunari is lowkey flirting with Izumi, it's so cute! Or Omi's O.O face, Taichi's crying face (the usual one, not his face when he cried out of guilt of betraying Mankai), Yuki's done expression, H O M A R E AHA! They each have at least one personalized expression and also quote. Can you hear Kazunari's Yoropiko~☆, Citron's humming, Taichi's loud ass whining and scream of terror, Tsumugi's awkawrd laugh? It's brimming with life.

But also the UI (?how it looks) is joyful. The main screen's background cascading shapes changes depending from which Troupe your current character is from, the loading screen has sakura petals and a bird, the colors are very bright and saturated fitting to the overall color palette of the whole game, the little notebook during practice showing all the necessary infomation and a little sketch by the characters. It's just really charming.

As frustrating as it was, not getting halloween Tsuzuru after 110 pulls or Valentine Omi after 120, it was my first time ever understanding why gachas are called hellholes. Through my strong connections to the characters, their cards automatically appealed to me more. But the art is also so good???? Azuma is always looking flawless obviously but Omi's unbloomed Wolf card, where he is standing in the sunset looking at his camera or Kazunari's Shinobi card, unbloomed all concentrated on his panting and bloomed all shiny smiling like the fireworks in the background? Breathtaking everytime. I also appreciate it not needing multiple copies to unlock the whole backstage story.

I think I'm slowly running out of things to say, which might be good for whoever managed to come this far. I have to say though, A3! helped me through the pandemic. Being a perfect distraction to the world's chaos and more importantly my crushing schoolwork and worries for personal future. I'm a very pessimistic person but seeing the characters overcoming their hardships through the help of their to-be "family" and just being happy doing trouble, gave me a little hope and light for a bit every day. I came to cherish everyone, even those I like the least. I haven't felt like this since Mystic Messenger, which was also a game, that helped me through a difficult time. I can only wish to a shooting star, that it's not the end for the EN Server yet. While yes, the JP server is thriving and I could just switch to reading fantranslation, through my experience, my enjoyment considerably sinks playing like that and I wish to fully enjoy A3!.

Anyways thanks for reading (maybe again). Sorry for all the possible errors on the way here. I'm writing everything directly without too much thought. If you want, you can also share your experiences in the comments. It's always nice to share good memories with others.

Edit: I accidentally posted it already but I wasn't actually done 😓 When I said I had a lot to let out, I meant A LOT

#a3! #i will never forget a3! #in the end i never managed to get halloween and groom Tsuzuru

[adragonhoardingstories]

Of Blood and Bonds- Chapter 5

@mystery-5-5 @synnesstra @thesunanditsangel

@abrx2002 @clumsy-owl-4178 @daminett4life @zalladane

@heaven428 @unmaskedagain

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Tag list for this is closed!

On that note, this book will contain swearing, mentions of rape and torture. I will try not be explicit but that's really relative. Read at your own risk. There will be warning before if I make a explicit scene so that you can skip it.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy and don't hunt me down for this.

Happy New Year

---------------------------------------------

Another day she had needed to spend with the idiots in her class. Once again, she felt like cursing her parents. 

Marinette was by all means done with Lycée, she was following University courses but after Tom and Sabine had disowned her in all but name, it's not like they knew that. Most of her old relations had no idea what she was up to and it suited her not seeing them ever again. 

But despite everything, the Dupain-Chengs she didn't consider herself one anymore did to her, they still didn't want her to dishonour their family even more so they made an arrangement with her and her Lycée.

She had to at least show up for the exams and any school functions and they would leave her alone to do as she pleased instead of sending her to a boarding school and well with all her responsibilities, she never really had a choice. 

Which brought her here - on the Gotham Field Trip. She really didn't know why they had even sent her here, they were only wasting their money and Sabine must have known that the chances of her meeting Bruce were high, especially since their activities were centered around Wayne Enterprises.

Today they were going to be assigned to one person they had to shadow all day - it was supposed to help them get some actual job experience. 

Marinette was chosen to shadow the CEO - how surprising - and it just so happened that today was one of the rare days Bruce Wayne was in the company so she would have the pleasure of helping both him and Tim depending on who needed her most - yay her. 

She was willing bet her future fashion empire that Bruce had orchestrated this in an attempt to get a chance to talk to her. 

However she had to admire that one good thing come out of this - Lila Rossi got served. 

Like she had mentioned it before, she didn't have anything to do with her past classmates except the bare minimum but it seemed even now the liar still felt threatened by her every time they met. And honestly, she couldn't care less except that wench was the reason her parents had turned against her and of course how could we forget the worse thing of all? That Lila Rossi was willingly working with Hawkmoth - a known terrorist. 

So the jobs had been announced and Lila has started her usual act and name dropping and oh there must have been a mistake, Timothy told me that I would be chosen to work with him since I'm already used to helping him. That had received a sharp look from the one delegating and a simple comment about Miss Rossi you are to report to our legal team, they have something prepared especially for you. Seeing Lie-La pale and shut up so yeah that had been the highlight of her day. 

But now, now she was most certainly going to be forced to speak to her father and she kind of wished that Lila had succeeded for once. 

Just as the lady she had grown to like was about to show her the way, her father magically appeared not really, she had seen him hiding in the shadows for the last five minutes and offered to guide her himself. 

As she predicted, he said nothing else, until they were in his office but once the doors were closed… 

"Mari-" He started to speak but then the doors banged open and a haggard looking Tim Drake stumbled in. 

"Nette, I heard I got you today. Thank fuck I didn't get one of the brats." He stumbled in on the couch, paying Bruce no mind and grinned at her. "Plus, I get sister bonding time so win-win for me."

Marinette looked from him to Bruce. "You have impeccable timing." She informed him. "So I'm going to make you coffee."

"You are an angel." He declared. "An absolute angel. Now I understand why Damian likes you so much."

Marinette laughed it off. "Damian likes me because I don't call him Demon Spawn Timbers."

"In my defense." He groaned. "He was a brat back then and now, well it's basically a nickname. Call it brother's privilege if you want. And he knows it."

Marinette smiled gently at him as she placed a cup of coffee in front of him and Bruce, and sat down drinking her own cup. "Does he know that?"

Tim blinked at her, a thoughtful expression taking place on his face. 

It lasted until he tasted the coffee, then it was replaced by awe. 

"This is so good, how is this so good, it's literally the same thing I drink everyday? Can you work for me permanently?"

She was amused and this conversation seemed to shock her father so it was a plus. "But Timmy, if I change my career how are you going to get your special MDC suits?"

That strangely made him go serious. 

"About that, I needed to talk to you." 

Marinette raised an eyebrow, this should be good. 

"What would you think if Wayne Enterprises becomes the main sponsor for MDC?" 

She leant back in her seat crossing her feet and took a long sip of her drink. 

"Now why would I agree to that?"

Tim looked surprised while she was careful to keep her own face carefully blank but he recovered quick enough and seemed to thrive on the challenge. 

Marinette could pinpoint the exact moment when he changed to his game face. "Why wouldn't you? This in the long term will benefit you especially when you decide to release your line or officially start your company."

"Who said anything about releasing a line? Right now I'm on a clientele only basis and the greatest thing about MDC right now is my anonymity. My business is flourishing and I'm on high demand, especially among celebrities so you can imagine the price I get for each of my works. Why would I want to change that?"

"While that is true, the novelty will eventually wash off. Your designs may be good enough for you to get some loyal customers but you won't be as you put it in high demand anymore. And I may have known you for only a while, but I doubt you haven't planned for the future."

Marinette could admit, she was a little impressed. "Also true, but I'm currently a millionaire and have more than enough money to launch a line by myself."

Tim opened his mouth to interrupt but she continues before he could.

"And yes, I do understand how accepting your offer will benefit me more but signing with you also means that will represent my brand and how can I - bearing my own interests in mind - accept knowing is publicly involved with Wayne Enterprises?"

He looked completely lost and Marinette was probably having more fun that she should with this. "I'm not sure I follow?"

"I mean that even if people don't outright state it, everyone knows that the Wayne finances and outfits the Gotham vigilantes."

"And your point is?" The poor boy was going to make her say it. 

"Your costumes are a fashion disaster Timmy, an eyesore if not a horror?" 

"They're not that bad!"

"Do not get me started on the first Robin's costume. Were you not in your right mind when you allowed it?" For the first time in the day, she spoke to Bruce. 

"Wait, you know?" She shot Tim a questioning look. Why hadn't told him, she figured it out? The boy just shrugged and she sighed. 

"It's not that difficult to figure out Bats. You and Mom literally met while you training in extreme martial arts and the way she described you doesn't match up with the idea the media has of you so I was already suspicious and then I met them and I saw them in costume, they have the same build and everything and their alibi was frankly terrible. Also the rate at which you take in kids matches with the appearance of each new Robin."

"When was the last time you got your IQ tested?" He demanded. 

Marinette elected to ignore that comment in favour of finishing her conversation with Tim. "So?"

"So if I get everyone to agree to a costume redesign by you, you'll sign?"

"I get to re-design and remake all of your costumes as well as become the go to for the family for all your events."

"That's a lot of conditions."

She shrugged, a smile playing on her lips. "Those are my terms but if you'd like, you can consider the part about your costumes a favor to you sister so that she doesn't get a heart attack everytime she sees you suited up."

"I'll agree as long as you admit you're exaggerating."

Marinette gave him a deadpan look. "Have you ever seen the Red Hood helmet. I have nightmares about it."

He considered it. "Yeah okay that's fair. So should I start working on the papers?"

Marinette shook her head. "I'm going to rebrand once and for all once I'm 18 along with my face reveal."

"Rebrand, why?"

"Like you rightly pointed out two nights ago MDC stands for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Well I don't want to be a Dupain-Cheng for longer than I have to. I'll be changing my name hence the rebranding."

"Would you consider Wayne?" Bruce asked softly. Marinette paused. She had been considering taking Master Fu's name actually. "I don't know B."

"I'll leave you two to talk." Tim said slowly getting up and she would have protested but she could not run from this forever and the Kwami pressing against her leg seemed to agree. 

"Yeah just…" She took out her phone and send him a contact. "That's my lawyer, you can send her the papers to review. I'll talk to her about it."

Tim checked his phone and went slack jawed. "Elle Woods. Elle Woods is your lawyer." He threw his hands up in defeat. "I don't know why I'm still surprised at this point but I'm gonna ask, how did you get her to work for you?"

"She's one of my regulars. "

"Of course she is." Tim muttered. Marinette watched silently as he went to refill his cup of coffee but ended up taking the whole coffee machine with him and walked out of the door. 

Marinette turned to Bruce. She was not looking forward to this but she sighed and got up. "I'm supposed to be working so give me something to do."

"I thought you agreed we need to talk Marinette."

"I never agreed to anything." She reminded him. "But yes we'll talk." She pointed a finger at him. "While I work. So, give me something to do."

"You need this to be on your terms." He noted. 

"I know you've researched what happened. After having been stripped from my senses and having my will taken away from me, yes I do enjoy being in control." She dared him to say something. "So. Give. Me. Something. To. Do."

"You can arrange the paper on the desk. According to the project names, put it in alphabetical order with A being on top."

Marinette set to work without another word. Bruce took that as his cue to start speaking. 

"You know about Batman. The year I stopped talking to you was when when I was assumed dead-"

"Then why?" She cut in sharply. "Did Alfred not even deign inform me that my father was dead? Or what about after you came back?"

He stayed silent. 

"The truth B is that even before that you were speaking to me less and less. Your phone calls, rare as they were, were always so short I was never able to tell you what i wanted." She gave out a humorless laugh. "You know I used to be scared that you didn't want me. I mean why else would you keep me a secret from your other children? So I didn't complain because I didn't want to stop having the little time you even gave to me. Guess, I was right in the end."

"No." He stood up and came to stand in front of her. "Marinette sweetie, please believe me. I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you. I've never not wanted you but my lifestyle was always very dangerous but I never realised how much it really was until Jason died and then shortly after I returned Damian died. Every child of mine has been traumatized in some way by my enemies. I didn't want the same to happen to you. There are villains out there who know who I am. I got scared Marinette, distancing myself from you was me trying to protect you. I know - I know it doesn't excuse me not being there for you but you need to know I am so so sorry. Please let me make it up to you. "

Marinette felt the kwamis on her person press against her, offering their silent support. 

"I'm willing to try." She said at last, finishing arranging the last of the documents. She looked up at him and could basically read the hope in his expression. "But you need to give me space. I'm not coming to live in Gotham nor am I going to defer to you. I've built my own life, you're not going to interfere with in. You can be in it but you don't get to try and change things."

"Okay, okay I can work with that."

"Then you've got yourself a deal." Marinette offered him her hand to shake and he did shake it but right after, he pulled her in a hug. 

Bruce realized his mistake when Marinette stiffened up but she relaxed in his arms and she slowly, almost hesitantly clutched his shirt, like a small child holding their dad's shirt, trying to hide in his arms. 

And a father's heart broke all over again.

#MLB X DC #maribat #platonic daminette #mentions of rape #torture #lila salt #adrien salt

[pandoraswrld]

SHE

— in which juliet reveals her darkest fears

characters / juliet kang, boo yuna

words / 1.8k

warnings / this is sad, angsty and quite a heavy piece, mentions of past self harm, suicidal thoughts — if i missed anything please let me know!

Juliet’s always felt like this. She’s always felt like crap, right from the beginning. She’s not entirely sure what caused her to feel bad today, maybe it was the fact that she had woken up at six o’ clock today which would be the third day in a row she’d woken up after the sun had gone down, or maybe it was because she had missed two dance practices and the third was looming over her as she chose to lay in bed in the darkness instead.

With the comeback happening awfully soon Juliet knows she’s disappointing her trainers, she’s disappointing the team, heck, even disappointing the company as Jangmi would say. She wished she could get out of bed but it wasn’t that simple, something was dragging her down, she constantly felt as though she had this weight on her shoulders and no matter what she would do it would never leave her.

As long as she’s known, she's always had this weight. She was hardly the favourite child, never the girlfriend or never even the ‘best’ friend, she always thought she had little to lose. Juliet would care more about her role in life if only she hadn’t realised she was nothing but a downgrade or a placeholder at such a young age, still, she felt weighed down. Lately, the weight had become more and more suffocating and way more harder for her to deal with, like it was pushing her down into a deep river and drowning out any last positive thoughts she could conjure up.

She’s tried all the remedies. She has used her mother’s advice of getting up and out, enjoying the outside world, getting some exercise in but that never worked. She’s tried to find healthy coping mechanisms, art, dancing, singing, but now she’s not even sure if she likes it anymore. This job has taken so much from her. She used to enjoy the rush of performing on stage, the cheers would give her so much adrenaline and the fans always made her day. Now every day is more draining than the last, the choreographies bored her and she could barely muster any energy to sing.

None of those so-called solutions worked, they never did. Even the temporary relief from the bad decisions never lasted as long as she wanted it to, as long as she needed it to. Her hand fell down to her thighs, the scars were faint, a simple reminder of just how much she feels all the time. She has regrets, god she has so many. She can never get back all the dignity she had lost during those months, sometimes she questions if she wants it back. Was her dignity even worth losing? It’s not like she had much of it to start with.

Some days she wishes she just hadn’t run away and auditioned for SM, then maybe she’d still love the things that used to make her happy. Occasionally, she does imagine what her life could have been like if she didn’t audition for SM, for one she thinks her parents would love her a lot more than they do now, not that they’ve ever said it. She could’ve continued down whatever path they chose for her, making them “the happiest parents ever” and her brother wouldn’t have had to carry the burden of fulfilling the family legacy — not that having a baby at the ripe old age of nineteen was really helping that.

She liked to describe her life as a line, a long red line that would twist and knot with every significant moment. To Juliet she felt as though she could just cut the line at any point, no thoughts. Just like the fates, she was Aptropos and she had the shears to decide when things would end. She always thought, what was the point of continuing the line if all that was left were ugly little knots.

“Hey Juliet! Where we–”

She hadn’t realised it until her bedroom door had burst open but she had balled herself up into a corner on her bed, her hands were bunched up in her hair and strands had fallen all around her.

This was probably Juliet’s worst fear, someone seeing her in one of her weakest states. She didn’t want to look up at whoever just came in, simply hoping that they’d leave.

“Are you okay?” It was Yuna. She sounded uncomfortable, she wasn’t sure what she should do, Juliet was clearly not okay, anyone could see that.

The silence was thick between them. Juliet had started shaking, almost rocking back and forth in her corner.

“Juliet?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Juliet’s voice was shaky, “I don’t know what to do.”

“What are you talking about?” Yuna kept her voice soft, quickly closing the bedroom door and rushing over to the bed.

“I-I keep having these th-thoughts and I’m so scared, Leyla.” The last half of her sentence came out more like a choked sob, her English just barely coming out. She had to admit the truth to herself, she’s scared. She’s scared of everything. Every year always seems to add on something worse to the last and she couldn’t take it anymore. She feels hurt, even when she’s not supposed to be. She doesn’t know what to do anymore and she’s afraid of the places her mind can take her.

Yuna’s eyes widened, she had called Yuna by her English name, something she was so sure the other girls had forgotten about. God, Yuna hadn’t heard that name in ages but in all honesty she loved hearing it again and it warmed her heart that Juliet had remembered, even that she had called her that.

She placed her hand on Juliet’s back, finding that she was freezing cold. Yuna was not expecting the face that had greeted her when Juliet looked up. Juliet’s face had been replaced by what looked like the shell of her once bright expression. Her eyes were deep-set and dark, her cheeks hollow and her skin so pale it almost looked like she was dead. Her mind raced as to what could’ve possibly got Juliet to this state, she always seemed so happy.

“It’s okay, this will pass.” She wasn’t sure exactly what to say in this situation, if Juliet’s talking about what she thinks she’s talking about.

“You don’t understand! It won’t!” Tears ran down Juliet’s face like it was nothing, she doesn't even notice them anymore. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that? How many times I’ve repeated that to myself in hopes that it would come true?” She knows her anger is misplaced, Yuna’s just trying to help, but she can’t help it.

“I’m so tired, Leyla, I just want to go,” Juliet swallowed thickly, “I just want to go to bed and never wake up, I’m tired of living a life that I can’t enjoy.”

“Jules...” Juliet could almost hear the disappointment in her voice, just like everybody else she’s ever dared to tell this to. She drags her eyes away from Yuna’s and down at her duvet, she really didn’t want to know what Yuna was thinking.

“Can I just talk to you? Like just... just words, between us?”

Yuna nods, propping herself up on the bed, shivering as her back touched the cold wall. She pulled Juliet into her, if there was one thing she always knew to do it was to keep her close in her arms.

“Everyone has something they hate, right? Whether it be irrational or not.” Juliet fidgets in her seat, “I don’t know about everyone else but mine’s irrational, so irrational you’d probably think I was disgusting.”

Juliet could just tell Yuna’s chuckle was slightly forced, anyone would try and laugh in what felt like such an uncomfortable silence.

“It’s showering. I hate showering, it’s so... vulnerable and I can’t stand it.” Even she had to laugh just at how pathetic she sounded. “You know I try, I do, I can’t just not shower because that actually would be disgusting and that’s not what I want. It’s just that everytime I think I’m okay I go and have a shower and suddenly every bad thought I’ve ever had comes rushing back.”

Yuna can only nod in understanding.

“Ever since Lyra left I’ve had to drown out silence with anything, usually it would be music but some things I just can’t bear to listen to anymore and it sucks. It’s like everything that happened to her was my fault and I can’t handle it. I can’t be left alone anymore, I can’t and I know this. However, there’s nothing I can do to change that.” Her tears had stopped, instead her head was turned away from Yuna’s, resting against the wall and on top of her arm.

“I feel like whenever I’m around other people I bring destruction, y’know?”

“Oh that’s not true!” Yuna frowned.

“How would you know? No offence but you’ve only been in my life for like a year and a half and clearly you haven’t seen everything.” Juliet scoffs.

This would be the perfect time to tell her about what really happened last year but Juliet quickly decided that that would be another can of worms she’d rather not open. Not now.

“Well that’s gotta stand for something, I mean you haven’t hurt me and I don’t see you doing it in the future.” Yuna’s hopeful, Juliet’s glad that she is but she knows the truth — that she’ll always push those closest to her away until it’s far too late.

“And hey, if you can’t be alone then you don’t have to be!” She squeezed Juliet’s arm, “I’ll always stay by your side and if you get sick of me I can go but I’m always available!”

For the first time in a while Juliet smiled, she genuinely smiled. It was comforting to know Yuna wasn’t going to give up on her, she knew that any of her other members would probably give her the same sentiment but she’d known them for three years and they all had their own shit to deal with, none of them would ever really stick by her side at all times. Of course she had no way of knowing whether Yuna would live up to her words but through the year she’s known her she didn’t think she wouldn’t. Yuna seemed like the sweetest, even back when she watched her on Produce she was only nothing but nice to the other trainees, and she always looked a little lonely around the dorms, she didn’t even have a roommate which wasn’t exactly helpful when moving into a group of six other girls she didn’t know. It wouldn’t hurt for them to bond a little.

She stuck out her pinky finger, “Promise?”

“Promise.” Yuna grinned, locking her pinky into Juliet’s.

#kumokocnet #bobakocnet #aeskocnet #juliet — dev #kpop oc #kpop oc group #fake kpop idol #idol oc #this has been a hard one to write pls do mind the tags esp in the first half

[campfireescapist]

Escapism in video games I play

Animal Crossing: When people think about video games and Escapism, Animal Crossing is probably the first thing to cross your mind. The same obviously goes for me, which is why it’s at the very top of the list, even when these aren’t really in a specific order. The first time I played Animal Crossing I was in first grade playing on the gamecube. My avatar I named after a friend and had accidently made it a boy, but I loved it regardless. When I was little there wasn’t a time I wasn’t playing the game or talking to the villagers. It was something that seemed natural, at times I still remember laying on my cousins large bed (she lived with us at the time) and playing while the sun illuminated the screen through the blinds. I can only look back on those times fondly, and honestly miss the carefreeness of my childhood where as I grew and my insomnia grew worse I could play until well past three in the morning. Tom Nook kept me busy, Rolf even with his gruffness never failed to make me smile, and K.K’s songs where something I watched with a floaty an oddly melancholy feeling, likely because I knew eventually the song would end and I’d have to wait another week to see that white dog again. In the real world I still scoff at the thought of community because it always seemed like everyone at school or just people in general promised their affection and support but were incredibly quick to contradict that promise, it always felt like the saying, guilty before proven innocent, and when playing Animal Crossing I didn’t feel that. Sure at times the villagers were grumpy but I never took it to heart. My gameplay always seemed to be few and far inbetween, but there was never a moment I didn’t feel absolutely despair when the villagers cried about how long I’ve been gone. It only made sense because it's hard for me to recall pure moments of happiness in my life but can recall many many times I’ve smiled widely hearing the nonsense gibberish of the villagers and asking them how their day went. Lately I’ve engrossed myself in trying to complete the fossils in the museum, a slightly tedious task but it was a task nonetheless that I know I needed with my real life constantly pummeling with a lack of purpose. The collecting, fishing, catching, and payments were all little accomplishments in themselves and they continue to be, and I hear often it’s those things that bring those with depression to the game because taking care of their village is something they actually want to do. It’s an effort in its own right and a commitment that doesn’t feel like a chore. Commitment is often a struggle on my behalf, and at times as I grew older when my life was hectic and I tried to play, that feeling of tediousness did nag me but I’ve heard before with Animal Crossing, the experience is highly affected by your mood. With the new Animal Crossing coming out, I know I’ll be playing on days when the world is too much or when my mind needs to fixate on something. The game has always been exceptionally good at being something you can play not just with your full attention, but also when you simply need something to zone out to. It’s made easy with the soft tones and minute details that make your town not just a place but a home. A home that you recount in your dreams, a home that makes you feel homesick when you’re not playing. Animal Crossing gives you an experience, an experience they were actually first to give in all of gaming. They let you build a life, a better life then you have, or just a life you wished you could live without overwhelming responsibility and harmful people. It gives you a second chance when no one else does making it the perfect and ideal game to escape to.

Minecraft: To be able to escape I believe, at least from my own experience, one must have a strong or vivid imagination. A game about building is and was something of a creative release. I play minecraft more than any other game I think I’ve ever played, not only because I could be mindless but I could begin a narrative in my head, acting it out with my character. Something I need to do often as my head always seems to need a constant stream of something, and building a life and home where I’d need not only to gather materials but fight monsters. It becomes an expected but still surprising world, where there's really no end. You can walk a thousand miles and still be finding new shapes and structures that leave you with a sense of wonderment. It’s a game that offers two different ways of playing making it ideal for whatever mood you’re in, peaceful or hardcore. There’s never a bad time to play, and there’s never a way you’re doing it wrong. The main reason minecraft calls to me though, is it’s multiplayer option and the mods. I started playing Minecraft because I first saw many people on youtube playing and I wanted those experiences for myself. I’d ended up downloading that multiplayer for minecraft app and played with so many people, one person who I’m still in contact (even when we shouldn’t but that’s a different story) but the memories where always fond. Nowadays I still play survival mode with my friend back home. I’ve just moved away and my best friend is now states away and we’ve been using Minecraft as a way to bond, and I’m grateful we did because even if I’m just looking at her avatar it still feels like we’re together. When it comes to mods, we both value the new experience and immerse ourselves further into the world we get to make together. The same feeling is also accomplished on single player. But regardless of mods or how many people are playing, Minecraft is an immersive fulfilling experience that only gets dry when you run out of creativity, or used just a little too much for the time being. It’s a game for everyone that is hard not to come back too.

Animal Jam: This is an online game I discovered on a lonely summer, with Club Penguin there was a hole of online games for people to talk with and do missions gone. Animal Jam made up for that with features and experiences that Club Penguin itself lacked. You can be a number of animals with customizable patterns, it also has a lot to offer even without a membership. You can make art and hang it in your home, add friends and talk freely. (It’s still a kids website, but currently they have a new game called Feral coming out for older audiences so you can have more adult conversations on there.) Seasonal tasks appear and role playing with other members is a common occurrence. If you want a free roam game where you can be yourself in a friendly world, that’s sponsored by Animal Planet. A special thing about this website/game though, what also makes it an easy escape is the learning features. There’s videos and facts about animals everywhere, even a live camera in the ocean you can watch! Maybe it’s just me but watching cute little geckos and fish swim are a pretty good distraction while filling your brain!

Pokemon: Pokemon is a game about bonding and trusting the bonds you make along your journey. Unlike the games I’ve listed before, Pokemon is not only a free roaming game but also Story oriented. It’s a clear path to follow that’s enthralling, everytime I play I normally beat the game in exactly twenty four hours. The characters are so finely written that you grow attached easily, as if they were real, they become your friends the same way your pokemon do. On the top of my head I can say my teams from each game I’ve played. You grow and bond, you get concerned when your pokemon takes a hit. It’s a world you wish was real with it’s magical creatures making life easier. In the real world we have pets, but in Pokemon you have a creature who will fight for you, play with you, they look to you and promise you they will hold on, will hold back tears to make you happy. I think getting to love something that grows to love you back pulls at your heart strings and makes the experience more personal than you expect. Even when the stories are over, there’s something extra, always something to do, and it’s hard to put down. It’s a journey that never ends in a world so well thought out, you know it’s home by the end of the game.

Poptropica: Another story oriented game that strays from others by being purely straight forward. You have to follow along, you have to figure out what comes next to further the story along or no progress will be made. I’ve heard and experienced, some people take longer, or have a little trouble getting into a mindset that they can flow too. Poptropica very quickly sets the tone by starting the story and urging you along, urging you to explore to find the next step, and if not the game lets you stew by basically pausing all action. The islands vary in difficulties, meaning you can choose something easy or hard depending on how long you want to be at what you’re doing, and there's multiple islands, meaning multiple stories you can find yourself living. You’ve probably played this game before and hold it in fond memories. Coming back to it may also be a welcome blast to the past, that can lead you down to hopefully good memories you can lose yourself too.

ABZU: One of the most colorful and beautiful games to ever exist. This game is story oriented and still a free roaming game, with a unique twist. Besides the stunning music, the games otherwise silent, wordless. There’s a concoction of colors and animals to swim with that paint an underwater world that puts the outerworld to shame. It’s serene and peaceful, constantly leaving you with a sense of curiosity and suspense for what’s to come next. Describing how much of an outlet this game is, is actually quite baffling, you can just as easily watch the game and feel positively blessed, but there’s no better feeling than maneuvering your character through the water and perching on a rock to meditate while flipping through the types of fish surrounding you. The visuals absolutely bewitch you, stealing your attention making it hard to look away.

Games are an amazing escape, and I’m sorry if this list is a little redundant but that’s a given. I’ll add more to the list another time, but feel free to let me know what games you escape to and why!

Also, this is just my own personal experience so it may differ from others, but if it helps or if you agree I’d be happy to talk about it.

#escapism #escapist #animal crossing #abzu #pokemon #animal jam #minecraft #poptropica #gaming

[cacpartmobile]

sparc! interviews Teaching Artist, Maddu Huacuja

"I know what's in my heart and what's on my mind and I start creating images and have a conversation with the canvas."

This interview took place on the Zoom platform on June 10, 2020 Ekua: I want to introduce Maddu Huacuja, who is a friend, an esteemed artist, a very passionate involved community member who works with sparc! as a lead artist for our Paint Nights - along with many other things that she does with sparc! She attends and participates in Paint Jazz, she's done community based murals for Paint Salsa, so she's a part of our family.

We thought we would start our series by interviewing her with maybe some questions that I had and maybe some questions that you also had.

So welcome Maddu.

Maddu: Thank you it’s a pleasure to see your face.

Ekua: My first question for you Maddu, was how do you begin a painting?

Maddu: *chuckles* First I take a nap, after my canvas is ready I go to sleep in the studio.

Doesn't matter what time it is, day or night. I just lie down. I guess it’s a meditation but I feel like I’m dreaming the painting first and then I just make a mark anywhere on the canvas, just to break the whiteness of it. I generally have a vague idea of what I am going to paint. I never have a finished sketch or anything like that, it’s a general idea. I know what's in my heart and what's on my mind and I start creating images and have a conversation with the canvas.

Ekua: I think that's very admirable, given the beauty of your work. Another thing that I think is very admirable is how large you are able to work sometimes. Can you tell me, why do you work large, what's important about working large to you?

Maddu: Even though I seem like a very calm person and I am, I need to be moving. So the large canvas - I can move from one end to the other. Sometimes I have to get on a ladder or a step stool, and then I really feel like an artist, but I like the movement. I feel that if I’m moving the image moves. I also always have music playing, often loud and active music. I have a lot of different music. I put it on a roll and the mood of the song or piece moves me in a certain way, so that becomes part of my imagery. I feel like the movement is really important. I don’t want to paint a painting that isn’t moving.

Ekua: So you're not sitting down, you're not standing in one spot, you're moving around that canvas. Do you work in oil or acrylic, what kind of mediums do you use?

Maddu: I often mix acrylic with drawing. I rarely work with oil. I think again because of the movement, acrylic is faster, but I do like oils. Everytime I think about it I'm like, “Oh I want to paint with oils”. But when I get to the studio it’s like I’m in acrylic. I like having a bucket of water near me, maybe that’s all it is.

Ekua: Well It certainly does dry faster, which allows you to move through a very large painting a little bit faster. Do you feel that your subject matter is in a particular area that you don’t really stray from? Is your storytelling about a particular kind of story or do you move around? How would you describe that aspect of your artwork?

Maddu: It’s not a decision, it's sort of how it works out. My focus is mostly… well, I do a lot of abstract but also I don’t know if I’m mostly figurative. When I do figurative work I am focused on people that “don’t matter”, either symbolically or specific people. For instance years ago there was a massacre in Mexico and all these men were murdered and the women were left as widows and the children were all orphaned. They were very poor to begin with. So they went to the local city hall to make a statement to try to get help, etcetera. There was a tiny photograph in the magazine of these women with their babies and every single one of them was barefoot, and I decided to paint their portraits. As I was painting I was like, “Why am I doing this, here in the United States no one even heard of this place, let alone cared about it?” I just thought, “Well If I don’t do it nobody is going to do it” and it seemed important to me. So I struggled through all those toes and little baby feet. It was in the show that you saw at the Roxbury Community College gallery many years later. So sometimes an event that touches me is my theme. I think I am very connected to my Mexican roots, so it's not just in the events that happen but in my image making. It really is part of my DNA; the colors, the kind of images I create. I think it is influenced a great deal from my childhood in a city that was thriving: vibrant with public art, murals everywhere, beautiful fresco murals, with the famous three muralists Diego Rivera, David Alfaro Siqueiros , José Clemente Orozco. And also by Frida Kahlo's work. My mother was a painter, so even though she wasn’t painting I knew she had been a painter and her oils were in the closet. So, you know, it just became part of who I am. I think that still comes through. Sometimes my focus is specifically on women.

Ekua: So we mentioned RCC as the sight of one of your exhibitions. I know recently you’ve been spending some time over at Bunker Hill Community College and you had an opportunity to do some teaching. I am wondering how you feel teaching influences your artwork or has an impact on your artwork. Working with young artists, not just young artists but artists that you are mentoring within a classroom setting or within a community arts setting like sparc! the ArtMobile. How does that seep into your consciousness or into your work?

Maddu: I love teaching. I enjoy teaching spanish or art. I like all ages, so sparc! in particular is perfect for what I love because you have 2 year olds and 82 year olds and everything in between. I think teaching is fun, and as far as what I paint it’s freeing, it just loosens my hands, my mind. At Bunker Hill most of the teaching I did was around the exhibition that was up. It was called Open the Way and it was up from October through the end of February. So it was a long stretch and a lot of classes came in, and I learned a lot about my painting from my teaching these students.It was fascinating because, particularly in Bunker Hill, there's a really international student body. Every time there was a class there were at least 10 countries represented and several continents. It was very interesting because I said in one class that in a previous class people were not speaking up, and a student from the African continent, I don’t remember which country, it might have been Ghana, said “That’s because they are being polite. You don’t just speak in front of your elders.” I was like, “Oh.” I was humbled by that. Also, about my paintings, they saw things and told me things about how the work affected them and what they saw in it. That was wonderful for me to hear, really an eye opener for me.

Ekua: That’s so interesting that you can learn about your art from a viewer.

Maddu: Yes, totally.

Ekua: Revelations about the richness of your own artwork.

Maddu: Yes, I wish that I could have recorded everything that was said. Of course nothing was recorded and I always regret that I didn’t take half an hour afterwards to write down the things that I heard. That’s something that I definitely want to make part of my practice.

Ekua: When you're teaching at an event like Paint Night, and you have this audience from 2 to 92 and everything in between, do you come in with one sort of thing that you want everyone to leave with?  You know some people obviously have more skill with painting. Children are interested in mixing all the paints together and sticking their hand in it. Everybody’s entering from a different standpoint, but what do you as an artist hope to impart as a takeaway for each person?

Maddu: You know, the didactic part of me wants them to learn one thing at least. Even if it’s just what blue and red make, or something. I really want them to learn how to use a brush. There's always something that is very gratifying for me that they learn. But mostly, I usually come after my day job to a Paint Night because they are always on a Monday night, and very often I am like, “God, how am I going to make it through this class?” I’m so tired and my mind is mush and I get there and I just get this energy from sparc!. From all the helpers that are amazing, and without it I wouldn't do it, and from the students because they come with their own positive energy. So I hope they leave the class like I leave the class, which is feeling really happy. You know it’s uplifting to me to do the class. I figure if they are happy they are going to like art because it is a happy experience, and so I like them to feel good about what they did, and about themselves. I like to bring each kid up and show his work or her work and introduce themselves, and say something about the painting, which I think is a good thing regardless of what you’re teaching or what they are learning. Just to be able to get up in front of a group of people that they mostly don’t know and introduce themselves and speak up. It leads me to my other piece of my art and being an artist is, in this time - where I feel we are on the brink of many things - I think it’s really important for people to speak up. If they learn to speak up, to say “Hello! I’m over here and I have this much to say!” and to be able to say it. I think if they learned that we have accomplished something

Ekua: I totally agree with that. You know, initially I thought people would be very shy about getting up and talking about their work, but the overall atmosphere of a Paint Night seems like an environment where people feel comfortable, safe and feel welcomed. Little kids or people who have never spoken before a crowd get up and talk about their painting. They receive so much warmth and appreciation. I think it's such a key part of the Paint Night experience and I believe that you are the artist who started doing that, and now it has become a part of our best practices. So thank you.

Maddu: I’m very happy to hear that. I remember one kid in particular - putting her on a chair because she was so tiny. ”You stand over here and show everybody.” It’s like 45-60 people in the room, and it's a wave of “Aww that’s beautiful, that's wonderful!” Clapping. “Congratulations!” And the kid just seems to overcome their shyness. So yeah, I love it.

Ekua: Well I am sure you know we miss being able to do our Paint Nights this semester and we are looking at an uncertain fall. We don’t know if we will be able to be together in that room with 50-60 people. We will have to create something new. If you were speaking to some of the folks at home, sheltering at home during this pandemic, how would you encourage them to bring more creativity into their life - even though they aren't at a Paint Night, or they might not even have paints or supplies. Is there anything you can share with them about your life as a creative maker that they can apply to their lives now?

Maddu: I think the only way anything gets done is if you make room for it, and that goes for everything. So we tend to give prime importance to our job. You have to be there by 9 o’clock no matter what happens there you are. But when it comes to our own personal stuff we tend to give it less importance, like going to your exercise class or going to your studio seems to be less important - but it really isn't. I think the only way, particularly when we are sitting around and no one’s telling us that we have to be anywhere, we have to initiate on our own.  “Today at noon I’m going to drop everything and go to my studio.” Or “I’m going to pull out my little art stuff.” Whatever you have at home, put on some music or tapes whatever it is that inspires you and motivates you and just do something. It doesn’t matter how much you get done for an hour - or maybe that’s stretching it.

Ekua: I guess that can even be dancing or singing. I mean it’s not necessarily all visual art but just the idea that each of us has a creative spirit that is longing for expression.

Maddu: Right. Or sit down and write for an hour regardless of if it's your masterpiece or not - or your future novel. I signed up online for an app called Ulysses that is a writing app. I love it because it is very intuitive and you just write. You don’t have to save or anything, whatever you write is saved automatically. You don’t have to format. So it makes it easy. You have to find ways to know yourself enough to make it happen for you, make it easy.

Ekua: Well here is my last question. I was in another zoom meeting the other day and someone said we need to reframe all of our work as social justice work. I thought that was really interesting to think about everything I do in the context of social justice. So as not just an artist but an arts activist, how would you apply that to your life in this sort of immediate time? Being an activist and reframing as a social justice activist?

Maddu: Well the fact that this is a pandemic and we are all locked down - but here we are. We can still influence and speak up through all the media. We all need to be political. There is no option. It's not like, “Oh I’m not into politics.” Everybody has to be into politics. Making art, the decision to create is, in my mind, a political statement. The one thing I would say is, vote at every level, not just for the presidential elections but all your local elections. Find out who your local representatives are, call them up. You can do that, it's not hard. Write letters if that is what you are prone to do. Again it's a matter of everybody has to act and find what it is that you deeply care about and act on that even if it is about saving polar bears. You know if it's about politics or if it's about...

Ekua: Global warming, climate change.

Maddu: Everything is so dire, you know.

Ekua: Mhm feels that way.

Maddu: If you just hold it in you're going to die, so just do something, do anything. And do it with somebody else. Join a group and see what is going on. Meet on zoom and see what people are talking about. Together we rise. I think it’s always been a crucial moment, but this one is really obvious. People are dying everyday, thousands of new people are sick. This is really life and death, and if we allow the current president another 4 years I dont know whats going to happen.

Ekua: Heaven help us.

Maddu: I mean really seriously it’s not even like “Oh I like this candidate or that candidate”. Forget that. I think everything you do to influence the social fabric and what's going is literally saving the world. Saving the world for our children, for our grandchildren, for ourselves. And if we let this moment pass it’s going to be that much harder.

Ekua: And all of the tools at our disposal include painting, poetry and dance - things that touch the heart and soul.

Maddu: Absolutely.

Ekua: So everybody can do something.

Maddu: Everybody! Children can do something. They can write letters.They can study. They can read books and find out their history, find out what's happened before. I also don’t mean everybody has to go around in a panic and freaking out. I think we need beauty, we need to feed our heart and our soul and our mind with poetry and beautiful paintings, or intense paintings. But it’s not just about the intensity, but about the beauty and the love.

Ekua: Love is at the center of everything good, I would say.

Maddu: I think Rumi said “Love is the bridge between you and everything else”.

Ekua: Like that! Well, I want to thank you for taking this time out to be with us. I’m sure you and I could talk for another hour at least but I want to keep it within a framable amount of time that people can squeeze in or listen to while they are painting or whatever. We don’t know what will happen in the fall but whatever we're doing Maddu, we know that you're going to be a part of it, in terms of sparc! the ArtMobile and the Center for Art and Community Partnerships. We thank you so much for being a part of our family, contributing to the beauty in the world, and we will be back in touch with you very, very soon.

Maddu: Thank you for everything you do, especially for this community. And I am a total fan. I think you're a hero.

Ekua: Thank you so much.

#contemporarywomenartists #sparctheartmobile #madduhuacuja

[unimpressedperson]

“10 Movies to Describe Me” tag

Hey, as I ever said, I LOVE cinema and going to the movies, watching documentaries, enjoying life by studying every nuance present on the 7th art.

Along life we have contact with a bunch of movies and references that affect our personalities, view of world, and even how we act towards some situations. Cinema is a powerful way of art, possibly influencing.

Everyone has a list of movies which influenced our personal growth. This list is all about it: 10 Movies you can use to describe me.

1 - Spirited Away

Well, I think Spirited Away was my first contact with cinematography eastern culture and made me go further in searching for more. I was 5 or 6 when I watched and fell in love with it.

Nowadays I know how to respect different cultures, have a deep interest in stories and mythologies from other countries. Thank you Studios Ghibli!

Influenced personality: Love for mythology and cultures.

2 - The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

I LOVE drag queens and everything related to that subculture. I remember watching that movie as a kid, after midnight and hiding from my parents, which advised me to sleep because I had school the next morning.

Everything seemed so colourful and amazing, almost magical. A explosion of music and dresses, high heels, makeup, big wigs and dancing.

While growing up it influenced my choices on sports, acceptance, music, and love for drag culture.

RuPaul's Drag Race is part of my love for drag queens, but it wasn't the first reference. Btw, support your local queens and art.

Influenced personality: Dancing skills, LGBT acceptance (when it comes to myself, I have nothing to do with someone else's sexuality), love for drag culture and pop music.

3 - Blackfish

Oh ma'am, now we got to a very rough part of my personality: my HATE and INDIGNATION over zoos and aquariums.

I don't like zoos, not at all. Watching animals caged in small spaces and sad, oh boy, it makes me want to invade the whole place with a hammer and set them free.

Before watching Blackfish I didn't quite realize how bad everything was for fishes in Aquariums as well. Now, I want to start petitions against Sea World and Aquário de São Paulo.

I love animals, WAY MORE than I enjoy being around humans, so knowing how suffering is their life inside small places makes me want to cage humans and let them walk freely.

Influenced personality: Love for sea animals and thirsty for their justice.

4 - Inglorious Basterds

(This scene is one of my favourites lol)

#ILOVEHISTORYANDTARANTINO

Well, Inglorious Basterds is a very historically inaccurate movie, but I love it with all my stone cold heart. There are so many catchphrases and iconic moments.

I just love that movie. Nothing really special or meaningful.

Influenced personality: The need for kill Nazis lol

5 - The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I was a very angst teenage and depressed as well, not counting anxiety on the mix. When I was 13 The Perks of Being a Wallflower aired on cinemas, and suddenly all my concerns about acting weird and not normal, compared to other girls around and whose studied with me, kind of seemed so pointless, mainly because Patrick, Charlie and Sam seemed to have so much fun, even acting quirckly and being classified as misfits.

My story has nothing to do with neither of characters, but I related a lot to them. So I think a big part of me came and flourished after watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Also, it taught me the importance of speaking how you feel, therapy and trusting people enough to tell them when something wrong is going on.

The book is also one of my favourites, so I’m not impartial when it comes to The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Influenced personality: Not afraid of being myself, fight for human basic right of having mental health treatment guaranted and embracing my quirk personality.

6 - Erin Brockovich

Everyone who knows me well enough, is VERY aware of how independent and self-suficient I am. I hate depending on people for completing tasks or doing stuff, so most of the time I try to learn do things all by myself. It’s something natural inside of me, partly because I don’t get lonely, so the idea of depending on someone to anything makes me cringy.

Erin Brockovich is a movie I watched when I was 12 and the way Erin acted towards everyone, giving priority to her life and kids, not caring about everyone else’s opinion, it made me root to be independent like her (except for the kids and struggle to find a job). Erin exhales big dick energy, also the ending made me aplaud the movie (even tho I was alone at home watching it).

Influenced personality: I learnt how to classify my priorities, also improved my confidence on how I act, since Erin isn’t afraid of achieving things and proving her point, even if everyone else is against and won’t believe her.

7 - Lilo & Stitch

I think every single living human alive had at least one movie, you know this one movie, which you obsessed during your childhood. It doesn’t matter the genre, you watched it nonstop and pissed off your whole house with how repetitive movie marathons seemed to get with you, since everytime you picked whatever you were about to watch, your choice was quite predictable.

The movie I obsessed during my childhood was Lilo & Stitch (also Scooby Doo, where do you think I learned how to copy someone’s fingerprint by using pore cleanser and powder?).

As I mentioned a few items ago, I was a misfit and it played a big part on my life, being excluded from parties, playdates and games during P.E was common. It bothered me, but everything changed when we adopted my first dog, a dachshund called Xuxinha. We were Lilo & Stitch, whenever people treated me badly at school, I knew that she would be waiting for me at home.

Xuxinha passed away in 16th February 2017, and I still miss her.

  Influenced personality: It helped understand that people are douchebags, but as long as I have my dog/sister at home to hold and distract me, then nothing else matters. I learned the importance of surounding yourself with people who cares about your well-being, not caring specie, ethnicity, etc.

8 - Wonder

I don’t think this item requires a lot of text to describe why I felt influenced by it. Watch the movie and let’s sob together.

Influenced personality: Learned why appearance means nothing, and everyone goes through some struggle, so always be there for people who cares about you as much as you do about them. Also, always stand up against bullying, it may look like a joke now, but it can be the trigger for fatalities.

9 - Spotlight

I study Social Communication: Journalism, that’s what I’ve been wishing to do and want to be in the future. Even tho I decided what I wanted as my career YEARS before the release of Spotlight, it helped me define which kind of journalism I wanted to follow: Investigative.

It feels like I just made 4 out of 2+2, considering the fact that I love detective stories and would love to be a detective myself, but watching and acknowledging that all the investigation and  accusations were based on real facts, oh Ma’am, I can’t even describe the thrill consuming my mind only by imagining what it feels like to be involved journalistically in an investigation.

Influenced personality: My PASSION for investigative journalism.

10 - The Imitation Game

Last but not least: The Imitation Game.

Well, I constantly get annoyed on how biased our society is, for real, and whenever it happens I write poems and texts and protest, and piss off a bunch of people by only talking about a situation of inequality. When I first watched The Imitation Game the whole Alan Turing being castrated and killing himself because of homophobia and a VERY, I repeat, VERY narrow-minded society, it PISSED OFF THE HELL OUT OF ME, and I used this rage during a full semester of college paper works.

I named a group after Alan Turing and our semester project was basically about people being biased and killing genius because they cannot look further from their own bellybottoms. I won a “Oscar de Jornalismo”, which is the award that happens every six month in my college, prizing the best works from the semester.

It still makes me so angry to imagine what Alan Turing could had done if he lived for at least 20 more years.

Influenced personality: Well, it made me channel my rage about a situation and helped me to understand why we should discuss homophobia, racism, wars, etc, even harder now. Watching the world following the path for making the same mistakes all over again is frightening, and only history can help us.

- x-

It has potential to be a tag, so I’ll tag some people I want to know what movies inspired them. You don’t have to make a whole long ass text about your choices, just sharing is enough :)

@ohmydearmoonchild @okayycalum @emerson-moonchild @btsqualityy @theburntwaffle

#movies #cinema #hashtag #influences #personality #art #we're what we absorb #we are art #the imitation game #alan turing #spotlight #wonder #lilo & stitch #erin brockovich #the perks of being a wallflower #inglorious basterds #blackfish #the adventures of priscilla queen of the desert #spirited away

[uneven-odds]

55 interesting questions you should drop in someone’s inbox

Another tag asked by the lovely @promisedmistake, thx gurl <3 1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? -Reading or watching a Tv show.  2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you’ve own/owned? -I have a very comfy and long gardigan. It´s my fave. I love it. 3. What hobbies would you get into if time and money wasn’t an issue? -I would travel more and get more books.  4. What would your perfect room look like? -Dark walls, big and long curtains, comfy bed and lots of fairy lights. 5. Do you play sports?-No. 6. What fiction place would you love to go to?-Hogwarts. 7. What Job would you be terrible at?-Saleswoman. 8. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be? -Reading. 9. What’s the most annoy habit other people have?- Eat noisily. 10. What skill would you like to master?-Writing. 11. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?-A roadtrip through norway. 12. What’s your favorite drink ?-Ginger Ale. 13. What state or country would you never like to go back to?-Idk. 14. What songs do you have completely memorized? -Some songs from Queen, some from Abba, a few songs from Us5 and other songs I like. 15. Are you usually early or late?-I´m usually way to early. 16. What takes up too much of your time?-University and my mobile phone. 17. What do you wish you knew more about?-French and history. 18. What are some small things that make your day better? -Rain, my cat, atm Skam france, my fave songs, a good Book and friends. 19. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should? -A channel with my OTPs. Or Fanfictions turned into movies or Tv show. 20. Who has impressed you the most with what they’ve accomplished? - My grandfather. 21. What age do you wish you can permanently be?-25. 22. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch? -Tv show: Walking dead and Supernatural.  -Movie: 2012.

23. What would be your ideal way to spend you weekend? -Staying in bed and watching a tv show or reading a good book.  24. What’s something in your life that’s considered a luxury? -Travelling. 25. Is there anything you’re too young/old for?-No. 26. What’s your favorite genre book or movie? -book: YA, Thriller and Contemporary. -movie: Thriller

27. How often do you people watch?-Everytime I´m outside/ under people. 28. What’s the best single day on the calendar?-Halloween. 29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? -Legends about the northern lights. 30. Do you relax after a hard day?-Yes. 31. What’s the best book or series you’ve ever read?-They both die at the end by Adam Silvera and Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller.  32. Where’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home?-Varna in Bulgaria 33. What’s the most heart warming thing you’ve ever seen? -The way my grandfather looked at my grandmum after he knew he´s going to be ok.  34. What’s the most annoying question that people ask you? -”Why do you never leave your house?” 35. Would you give a 40 minute presentation with no preparation?-No. 36. What’s something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? -Do something you´re afraid of.  37. Would you rather go Hand Gliding or Whitewater rafting?-Whitewater rafting. 38. Dream car?-Don´t have one. 39. What’s something so many people are obsessed with and you just don’t understand why?-Shopping. 40. What are you most looking forward to in 10 years from now? - I don´t wanna think about the future...it gives me anxiety. 41. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten to it? -Acting. 42. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you all week?-Skam France. 43. How different was your life one year ago?-Not different at all. 44. What/who would you rate 10/10?-A good book/movie/tv show and Matthew Gray Gubler 45. What kind of art do you enjoy the most?-Writing. 46. What do you hope never changes?-My friends and my hope. 47. What movie title best describes your life?- Unknown identity 48. What website do you visit most often?-Tumblr. 49. What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?-Roadtrip to vienna,  New Year´s eve in London and when @promisedmistake will visit me in june. And the time in berlin and cologne with @promisedmistake and @handsomestarlord . 50. What’s something you’d like to unlearn?-Nothing.  51. Where would you spend all your time if you could?-My bed. 52. What age would you like to live to?-19th Century. 53. What’s something you’re most likely to become famous for?-My clumsiness 54. What’s something you’re most likely to be arrested for?- Murder...jk. Idk maybe theft or my dumbness. 55. What’s something you really want but can’t afford?-A piano.

#tag #ask #questions #about me #me #me myself and i #personal #personal stuff

[windchimchim-blog]

100 reasons to love kang younghyun

i was inspired by this really good hanbin post i read.

(lot of win, man in a movie, pocket live and fancam references)

*with the widest grin on my face, i will proceed to type this.*

1. His love and appreciation for each member’s talent and genuine appreciation for them, especially on radio shows(hongkira)

2. His unfailing ability to describe loneliness and solitude perfectly with his lyrics.

3. That one pre-debut cover of gd’s butterfly

4. his dimples

5. “NOT Brian. Who is BRIAN?!”

6. grey hair, i’ll say no more

7. “MURUGESO BABAY!”

8. That one radio-cam of him jamming to Baek-ah-yeon’s song. with her. in the studio. 

9. “BOOM!!”

10. Him getting all flustered on ASC when Dreamcatcher sang im serious(”my favourite group”)

11. “She called me to her hotel room”

12. “Yess, good morningg”

13. every single time younghyun has ever rapped hunt while treating a HEAD BAND as if it were a BLINDFOLD.

14. his dimples.

15. “wh-wh-whAt is in your bAg?”

16. him imitating dowoon on a vlive while watching a jaesix vlog

17. while we’re on dowoon, his genuine adoration for the maknae like you can SEE it in his eyes it’s beautiful

18. that one fanmeet photo of him in the harry potter merch really buttered my beer

19. The broccoli hair yes in this house, we apprec8 that

20. while we’re on that,the HEYJUDE COVER.

21. His ability to take on a million ranges vocally, take incredible falsettos, and also sing from the gut fascinates me

22. jaehyungparkian.

23. “i’ll try harder to be like young k”

24. “i wish i nEver knEW you bABy”(the english rap it ended me.)

25. “knock you with my punchlines” WIN era younghyun, best younghyun

26. “TORONNO, KANADA”

27. that one fantaken photo of him with the sipper and multi-coloured hair and a denim jacket and a guitar on his back.

28. the be lazy pocket live but hold up, the behind the scenes of that where he’s sweating(ah the struggle to be sexy)

29. the “what can i do” pocket live. i think about that a lot.

30. everytime he’s ever done the nose scrunch.

31. that one gif of him rolling up his sleeves to reveal !!! his biceps !!! boi!!!

32. Blood rap translation. bye

33. mathletes dance compilation.

34. him dancing to gashina and literally  pelvic thrusting in everyone’s faces

35. oh oh that fancam of him dancing to “all that i have” and doing that back thing. you know what im talking about 

36. “JOUUA”

37. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAMBAMBAMBAM. (what can i do live bass vocals by one and only kang younghyun!!)

38. wooyoung exposing drunk k “why do you fucking do this to me, hyung” i love him

39. “why am i alone?” every time i hear him sing that line, i get chills. pure art.

40. “yg get an attitude”(he dropped it like it’s hot)

41. youngfeel.

42. while we’re on youngfeel, him replying to a tumblr ask saying “love wonpil” is a goal for 2018.

43. hungry k(”best part of songwriting is breakfast, lunch and dinner”)

44. that one video of jae and young k using the jyp card and young k squealing-”it’s not our money, it’s not our money eehehe!!!!!!!”

45. his rap in congratulations. i c o n i c

46. him mouthing “sarangeul haetdaa” when hongki played love scenario. im an ikonic and  a my day and this was just the most satisfying thing ever

47. every. single. part  he has in man in a movie. it’s all us young k stans ever think about.

48. his relationship with terry. terry we love you.

49. pre-debut video of young k falling off the stage while performing. rip his ego

50. his rings. p l e a s i n g 

51. that one baby pink shirt he wore on hongkira while promoting I loved you

52. a fancam of him doing the whole “yess, good morning” thing, and the mic falls down

53. the video of day6 performing man in a movie on nct’s night radio and johnny looking at young k in complete and utter amazement.  same, johnny, same.

54. him describing the percentage of alcohol in their drink on a rooftop live and the giggling about it and yelling “we gon’ get craaazyy”

55. HIS COVER OF BAD DAY. NOBODY DID IT BETTER.

56. the arirang avatar thing where he wore a hanbok and the headgear too. ded.

57. his appreciation for good music. he’s really out there listening to neon trees, arctic monkeys, lauv and daniel powter

58. the beginning of a day6 moments video where  he’s singing i like you but effortlessly and it should be funny but yet again, im just very impressed none of those notes are falsettos

59. when he danced to knock knock and then got all shy. my boy knew ALL the steps :‘)

60. when he forgets lyrics while busking and makes shit up. priceless.

61. on his solo live, when he made that song about soy sauce and dipping meat in it and it being delicious to the tune of what can i do. istg younghyun what can you not do

62. his business administration windbreaker

63. in general, his love for business administration lmao i love him

64. his efficacy and will to get good grades even while touring

65. his dubsmashes and that baby sound one in particular

66. “I GOT TACOS”

67. his vibratos in songs. they’re like a separate entity altogether. we’ve got young k’s beautiful versatile voice, then we’ve got his vibratos. right there, on a pedestal.

68. that one fantaken picture of him at the recent thailand concert where he’s wearing a blue shirt and hugging himself(?) idk it’s cute his cheeks are full , he looks happy :’)

69. when he loses his shit during “sing me” in concerts and just vibes with the crowd. best.

70. kang younghyun’s DayDreaming. pre debut. go listen to it if you haven’t. rightnow.

71. the thumbnail of the last third degree video. young k with terry. it’s the look on his face. the innocence. i melt

72. his relationship with people around him and friends. it’s so cool and he literally leaves no stone unturned while thanking his friends :’) (KMESS4LYFE i c u)

73. i don’t say this enough but the lyrics of all alone. younghyun’s part. “i wish someone would hug me and tell me i’ve worked hard when i came home”. come here bby i’ll hug you you’ve worked so hard.

74. kang younghyun’s eyes.

75. him in a black cap and earrings and a white tee.a look.

76. “someone pls teach me how to tweet” 

77. him forgetting his own collab song with jimin on a live broadcast of ASC

78. him admitting in a concert that he’s felt like running away at times and he’s here only bc of the fans’ love for day6. im not crying u r

79. this one tumblr post of him growing up thru the years it’s like an ‘evolution of his smile’ post it brings me to tears

80. his habit of repeating something someone says if he finds it amusing

81. him opening a bottle of beer for dowoon

82. the look on his face when my days are singing man in a movie from start to finish without any percussion or bgm. an in a movie. a song he wrote. a b-side track.

83. the way he says bye to the camera swaying from side to side

84. when he was a total sport and jammed to b.i spitting freestyle rap in his face(WIN)

85. “noo. nooo he’s lying. i beat him i hit himm”

86. “YOU ARE MY DAY!”

87. the aaa falsetto at the end of that part^^

88. his verse at the beginning of “i would”. i think that’s what he’d sound like in the morning.

89. he’s just so humble. he literally writes the lyrics we all love so much but never misses an opportunity to commend everyone’s talent “i get the most ideas but jae has the best ideas”

90. “young k has maximum experience when it comes to girls. he knows what warms a woman’s heart”. lmao i agree

91. him singing “oh wonpil you play the piano so well” at the end of a pocket live

92. the fact that he was dating in canada without his parents’ knowledge and that’s where he gets the inspiration to write songs from. idk it’s adorable

93. his borderline jazz version of pouring in a pocket live. i hear you jazzy rhythmic finger snaps

94. his smirk when he does the “aah” part in “what can i do”

95. his awe and admiration for his dongsaengs like he’s genuinely in love with how talented the the stray kids boys are

96. “i ask people to call me young k bc as young k, i can make up for the inadequacies of brian. brian is weak.” this is why i often stick to young k now. yeah it’s fun to joke around but maybe he dOES feel more emotionally and mentally adequate as young k. maybe he feels more empowered or stronger and i don’t want to invalidate that. it takes courage to say what he said in front of a crowd.

97. just the stuff he’s gone through and how strong he is. he’s overcome so much. brave and powerful.

98. the fact that he doesn’t ever fake it with his lyrics, he remains true to his music and so does the rest of day6. stan day6.

99. he’s so interactive with fans and always wants to see us happy. you could say your fav idol does that too but this really IS why i love younghyun

100. the final reason is just because he lives. he lives despite all the obstacles that were probably thrown at him, and i respect and adore that. the way he makes us feel a little less lonely with words that he’s penned out of his own sorrow. the selflessness. i am lucky to listen to songs he has written and day6 has sung. he’s a beautiful human who deserves all ALL the love :’)

thank you for reading, my dudes

#day6 #young k #kang younghyun #park sungjin #yoon dowoon #dowoon #sungjin #park jaehyung #jae #wonpil #kim wonpil #young k day6 #d6 net #list #text post

[wanna1studio]

REQUESTED: our times // ong seongwoo // part 1

genre: fluff // angst 

ficstyle: bulletpoints

summary:  “ ong seong woo as your prank mate “ was inspired by the Taiwanese movie “OUR TIMES” just with my own twist 

note: since this is inspired by the film; prepare for a part 2 and some tissues

bet. you were the most unluckiest girl in the world 

you always had puddles from what’s left of the rain splash you as cars pass 

you tripped on flat ground me 24/7 

your love life was non-existent why am I describing myself lmao 

you never cared for you appearance either regardless you were happy

all you needed was BTS; you loved BTS you bought everything BTS because they were your idol

so anyways, there was a complete shift in your life you were on your way from school when you scrummage in your bag for your headphones and found a letter

it was an anonymous letter addressed to you

IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON TO 1 OTHER PERSON, YOU WILL DIE 

fuck

you didn’t want to die; you haven’t even gone to a BTS concert yet

maybe you should write something on the letter so that there wouldn’t be any confusion for the next person

you saw a guy on his bike so you put the letter in his cup holder side of his backpack at this point you were panicking because you didn’t want to cause anyone harm but you didn’t wanna die

then a car approached you guys

THIS WAS WAYYY TOO SOON

maybe the curse had already affect you

CRASH

huh? you were unharmed

instead the guy with the bike crashing into the car and he was on the ground

YOU WERE IN SHOCKED before you could try to see if he was okay, he got up

“WATCH WHERE YOU’RE FUCKING GOING!!”

a bunch of guys with their bikes ran towards the screaming dude

they were your school’s bunch of delinquents

“BOSS ARE YOU OKAY?!”

at this point you ran because you were gonna be late for school and you didn’t want him to find out it was you

“sorrysorrysorry,” you chanted as you ran away

the bells chimed as you sat in your seat; wheezing because you couldn’t run to save your life but hey, you’re here

“y/n! are you okay?” your two friends, Ai and Mina 

before you could answer, you saw Daniel look over at you

Daniel, Kang Daniel. was the most popular guy at school. He was good at everything; everybody loved him even the teachers! 

You were determined that it was impossible to marry anyone from BTS but Daniel was a closer choice

he smiled at you

you hastily looked away “I-I a-am FINE!”

“girl ok chill drink some water”

someone else entered the class, it was the guy that crashed into the car this morning

he was play fighting his way to his seat

WAIT YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT SEONGWOO WAS IN YOUR CLASS

everyone looked at him and his friends

“don’t give us shit just because we were in F Class, new system, new classes” he announced

apparently there was a new dean at your school, F Class will not be in action at this school since all of F Class were delinquents

it seems like the new dean is trying to get rid of the “bad kids” and make the school more strict, all of F Class will be placed in other classes and if they don’t pass their classes, they will be expelled

you felt bad for them but what could be done?

you saw Seongwoo take out his books from his bag and found the letter

OH SHIT YOU FORGOT ABOUT THAT

“ooohhh Seongwoo’s got a love letter!! maybe it’s from Somi” (the most loved girl in the school; female version of Daniel) 

Seongwoo just smirked as he pulled the letter out of the envelop

you saw his smirk fall into a frown, he examined the letter and the envelop

OF COURSE YOUR DUMBASS WOULD PASS ON THE LETTER WITH YOUR NAME ON THE ENVELOP

you tried to sneak out of the classroom

someone headlocked you as they guided you out the classroom

“y/n right?? let’s go” 

as you felt the person released you, you saw Seongwoo sitting on a lounge chair

 you tried to exit the room but his friends Guanlin and Jihoon blocked the door from the other side

“y/n care to explain this letter?” Seongwoo waved the letter in the air

“u-um I.. it wasn’t me..”

he scoffed “you think I’m stupid? I saw you put this in my bag and at that moment, I crashed into a car. ALMOST FUCKING DIED!”

you flinched at the tone of his voice

“so.. you know what you’re gonna do for me?” 

he got up from his seat and made his way to you

you immediately covered your body

“YOU PERV”

he gave you a confused look and hit you in the head with the letter

“you look like a mangled dog, no thanks” 

although you sighed in relief, he put his arm over your head against the wall, “you’re gonna be my personal slave, or I will hand this letter to Daniel” 

“I’LL DO IT JUST DON’T... wait... how do you know about me liking Daniel?”

“oh that was just a guess, BUT NOW I KNOW”

you felt deceived

“but um... maybe I could help you with Daniel.. if you help me with Somi..”

surprised, you felt your jaw fall to the ground

Seongwoo tapped your jaw “What?! I’m not a robot, I fall in love too, idiot.”

“okay deal” 

you wished you would die instead because Seongwoo makes you run EVERYTIME, EVERYWHERE haha see what I did there 

he’d make you sit down so he could tutor you because he got better score than you on the exams

make you go to the arcade with him, knowing that you would lose at every game

you bought him melon bread, honey butter chips and banana milk, every break you got

it was hell but maybe he did that so that you could see Daniel all the time, since Daniel works at the student store?

NAH, Seongwoo wasn’t that nice, he just wanted snacks

you ran to Seongwoo, out of breathe and before you could set the snacks down, he grabbed your wrist and dashed out

“DUDE I AM TIRED AF WTH WE GOT CLASS” you tried to push up your glasses every .5 seconds

he stopped outside the school, in front of the wall surrounding the school

“I don’t wanna go to class, let’s skip”

this boy

“I DON’T WANT TO SK-”

he placed you into a headlock

“WHO ARE YOU? SEONGWOO’S SLAVE REMEMBER?”

you glared at him through the rims of your glasses

“i hate you”

he smiled and tried to push you over the wall

“Y/N WHY ARE YOU SO SMALL BUT SO FAT”

“LEAVE MY FATASS ALONE SEONGWOO”

you guys ended up going to a bookstore where they sell cd albums and artist merch

“SEONGWOO LOOK AT THIS!” 

you held up a Park Jimin my bias plushy

“is he your favorite?”

you nodded, “but I love BTS as a whole”

knowing that you spent all your allowance on his ass, you placed the plushy back down and walked around the store

Seongwoo held your wrist

“y/n, thanks for these past few weeks, you’ve made it really fun. lemme repay you with a new look”

you were confused but once again, you were dragged against your will and into a salon

Seongwoo had a proud face 

“this is my sister, she’s a stylist,a good one too, she’ll make you look good for Daniel”

“EXCUS-” 

he already left 

MONDAY (you guys skipped class on Friday)

you came to school and you felt weird

it’s been years since you actually had a haircut from the salon, you usually just hack it out of your face

Seongwoo’s sister made you get contacts too, it felt weird

everyone was looking at you as you walked onto school property

FUCK I KNEW I LOOKED WEIRD 

out of all the faces, you saw Seongwoo in the student store

“SEONGWOO!!”

he turned to look at you, and he was in shocked, everyone was

you’d changed into a bright-eyed young lady

before you looked like a stray dog with glasses making you look 10x gloomier

but you were always smiley, you were always the same

as you dashed towards the store, you saw Somi and Daniel sitting together 

“y/n?” Daniel called out to you

“yes?”

“wow. you look different. you look pretty” he scratched the back of his head and looked at his feet

you saw him wearing a cast on his wrist

“what happened?” you pointed to his cast

“he injured it while b-boying” Somi responded with a sweet smile

“oh okay.. I hope it’ll be okay”

you rushed in the store, your face was burning hot

tbh that was the longest you’d ever talk with Daniel, that was the first time he ever called you by your name

Seongwoo gave you the popsicle that you’d usually share with people

“here’s your chance”

he gave you a reassuring shove out the doors of the store and smiled

you smiled back and gave the popsicle to Daniel so that he could ice his injury

Seongwoo turned around from the scene before you could look back to thank him

although you were talking to Daniel, you thought of Seongwoo, how much you wanted to thank him for everything

this was your turn to help him

“Ong Seongwoo!”

everyone turned to see what was going on

“you’ve skipped school for 3 days now, 3 strikes and you’re out. Come with me to my office, Y/N you too!”

before you could say anything, Daniel stepped in

“Y/n went to the hospital with me when I hurt my wrist. I’m sorry for not adding that into my leave-note”

why would Daniel lie for you?

“Seongwoo helped clean up the mess from the art room with me as well!” Somi spoke for Seongwoo

what was going on?

you thought, ah this is the chance for Seongwoo to talk to someone he liked for so long

TO BE CONTINUED

#wannaone #wanna one #wanna one scenarios #wannaone scenarios #wanna one imagines #wanna one ong seongwoo #wanna one seongwoo #ong seongwoo #wanna one kang daniel #wanna one daniel #kang daniel #wanna one ongniel #broduce 101 #broduce 101 scenarios #broduce 101 imagines #produce 101 season 2 #produce 101 s2 #produce 101 s2 scenarios #our times

[keldae]

The Prank Wars (pt. 1)

“...Okay, so we’ll get you over to Thustra on your next supply run. Same drill as usual, let me know what you find.” Theron leaned back in his chair and nodded at Korin in the next seat. “Doesn’t look like there’s a lot of Zakuulan activity there yet, but we both know how fast that can change.”

“Yes, boss, I know what I’m doing.” Korin smirked. “Didn’t you already teach me everything you know about spyin’?”

“In your dreams. I gotta keep some secrets from you so I can keep my job.” Theron grinned and started to stand up, only to find himself unable to rise from his chair. “What the…?”

“Huh?” Korin looked confused.

“I’m kriffing stuck!” Theron squirmed on his chair as he gauged the situation, then glared up at Korin as the spacer hooted with laughter. “Oh, very funny. If this was you again…”

“No, I actually had nothing to do with this, believe it or not.” Korin stood up with an ease that Theron currently envied and came over to investigate. “Whoever set this up knew what they were doing. Can ya move anything?”

“Limbs and fine motor movements are fine.” Theron squirmed futilely. “Did something end up on the seat itself?”

“Either that or someone coated your pants with somethin’.” Korin frowned, then took a sniff that was way too close to Theron’s thigh for the spy to be entirely comfortable. “You haven't sat in a puddle of industrial strength glue recently, have you?”

Theron gave Korin what might be best described as a murderous death glare.

“Okay, then my professional assessment is that you may be the victim of a very well-done prank. Simple in theory, yet masterful in the execution…”

“If this was you, I swear I'm going to look up all of your ex-girlfriends and tell them where you are.”

“It wasn't me!” Korin eyed the chair contemplatively. “But I wished it was until you made that threat. You fight dirty, Shan.”

Theron sighed. “Can you get C2? I need some sort of solvent for this.”

“I am so sorry, Master Theron, but there is no solution in this base that will dissolve this form of adhesive! May I bring you anything to make your stay here more comfortable?”

Theron waved off the protocol droid and tried to ignore Korin’s snickering at ‘Master Theron’, then glared up at the smuggler-turned-spy, who still insisted he was innocent. “Any other ideas?”

Korin tilted his head in thought in thought, still grinning. “... How attached to those pants are you?”

Theron rolled his eyes. “Any opportunity to get me out of my pants without buying me dinner first, right?”

That earned another laugh. Korin was getting way too much entertainment out of this. “There are easier ways to get the pants off someone without resorting to glue. Too much risk of getting the target stuck in their pants like that.”

“So thoughtful,” Theron deadpanned. “Okay, is your sister anywhere around here? And marginally more important, is Lana or Scorpio?”

“I think everyone else is in the cantina. We hurry this up and you should be free from your pants before what’s left of your dignity dies a slow and painful death in front of Lana.” Korin accepted Theron's blasters and belt as the spy gingerly removed them, and dodged as the spy managed to kick his boots off to safety. “Need a hand?”

“Nope,” Theron growled out as he undid his pants, took a quick look around to make sure the only witnesses were the two Alliance guards (sworn to absolute silence on the threat of sanitation duty forever), and started the difficult task of wriggling his way out of his trapped pants. “I’m never taking for granted the ability to stand up again.”

Korin snorted with laughter as he casually came around to stand on Theron’s other side… just in case of any unfortunate souls happening to come out of the lift. “Reminding you of Onderon all over again?”

“We agreed to never speak about Onderon again, remember?”

“Was that for mission security or your dignity?”

“... Yes. Do you have something sharp on you?”

“Have you met the guy who fathered me?” Korin produced a dagger from up his sleeve with a flourish and offered it to Theron. The damn smuggler was still grinning broadly at his boss’ predicament. “I still can’t figure out how Dad can carry that many blades on him and not accidentally impale himself everytime he moves.”

“Dark magic. It’s the only possible answer.” Theron sighed mournfully at his favourite pants, then made a neat slice into the fabric over his thighs. Unfortunately, the angle at which he was stuck in his chair prevented him from making the proper cuts to be able to stand up. “Dammit!”

“Here, gimme the knife.” Korin accepted the blade back and made a careful go for the waistband of Theron’s mauled pants.

“Mind you leave my boxers as they are this time!”

“Hey, if I ‘accidentally’ cut through your underwear, it would be a little something I like to call sweet, sweet revenge.”

“That was an accident! Besides, the first people to walk in on us then were those two Twi’leks who apparently decided you were the best thing since hyperdrive was invented. A travesty for you, clearly.”

“You jealous about that?”

Theron wisely waited until Korin was finished sawing at his trousers and the blade was gone. “Of you? Naaaah.”

Korin gave Theron a deathglare when he fully registered the spy’s evil grin. “You know, we could compare now…”

The sound of the lift descending changed the conversation abruptly. “Fierfek!” Theron swore as he (gratefully) stood up.

“Yeah, and it’s a full lift from the sensing of it.” Korin quickly angled his body between Theron and the lift. “You’ve got about eight seconds, so run!”

Theron did try to run for it. Unfortunately, he’d neglected to remove his feet from the ankles of his ruined pants, and wound up faceplanting on the decking with a crash that made Korin wince… and only made the occupants of the lift hurry off it that much sooner when it fully descended. “What was that noi- ACK!” Vette squeaked as she caught sight of Theron struggling to get back up and whirled around, her cheeks staining dark purple with her blush.

Xaja glanced from the startled Twi’lek back to Theron, her eyebrows raising to her hairline and what looked suspiciously like a grin twitching her lips. “Well, hello to you too, lover,” she said, and oh yes Theron could hear a strained giggle in her voice. At least it was better than Gault’s hoot of laughter, or the sound of Lana choking on her own breath, golden eyes bulging, or of Torian hurriedly excusing himself back into the lift to die of laughter.

“... The hell, boys?” Reanden finally asked, coming to stand beside Vette (and holding a hand over the Twi’lek’s eyes in what was apparently supposed to be a comforting manner), all the while giving Theron that judgemental Imperial look of I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-the-SIS-trains-their-people-to-do-but-this-is-inefficient-and-stupid-and-seriously-what-the-hell-are-you-doing that he’d mastered a long time ago.

Korin sheepishly looked over his shoulder as Theron regained his feet and picked his boots up. “... Sorry!”

There was no way Theron could try to explain this now, not while he could feel his cheeks and ears turning the same colour as his jacket, or while he could feel drafts on his cold, pale legs. “Commander,” he ground out, giving Xaja a proper salute (and he tried to not glare when her hand flew up to cover her mouth as though she was desperately trying to not burst out laughing), and turning to go find a new pair of intact pants. I really hope C2’s finished with the laundry by now-

“Theeeeron! Lookin’ good!” Koth laughed as he walked past the agent with two of his crew (Tora mock-swooned, Lenn wolf-whistled and made a ‘call me’ gesture). “Commander Xaja settin’ a new dress code for you?”

“Kriff a rancor, Vortena,” Theron growled as the Zakuulan walked away laughing, eyebrows drawing together for a second. Something about Koth’s laughter felt unusually… smug? That suspicion was confirmed when Theron checked the security holos after he’d gotten new pants on and his face back to its normal colour, and saw Koth’s past self carefully add a thin layer of adhesive to the chair only minutes before Theron had unsuspectingly sat down in it. “The son of a bitch. This means war.”

‘War’ meant that on Theron’s next trip to Nar Shaddaa, he left with Koth’s holofrequency scribbled on the side of a public ‘fresher stall, complete with “Call for a good time!” and a terribly drawn image that Theron swore was supposed to be a suggestive Twi’lek. Art may not have been the agent’s greatest skill, but it still apparently got the message across to all the lonely or bored souls on the city-moon.

Koth apparently did not appreciate Theron’s attempt to broaden his social circle. And apparently his idea for revenge had been to cleverly hide small, high-powered speakers in the quarters that Theron shared with Xaja and set Z0-0M to play the loudest, most obnoxious cantina music that one could find at three in the morning. Theron was pretty sure he heard a malicious cackle through the stone walls as he gingerly picked himself off the floor where he’d quite literally fallen out of bed with the alarm.

On the other side of the bed, Xaja gave the walls and still-blaring speakers a murderous glare. “Oh, there’ll be hell to pay for this now.”

“They teach you about prank wars in the Temple?” Theron asked as he went to go find the speakers and disable them before the noise could burst his eardrums entirely.

Xaja gave Theron an evil grin. “Remind me to tell you about the time I managed to set off water bombs in the Council chambers as a Padawan and soaked every single one of the Council… including your mother. I’m still not sure how I didn’t die after that little stunt. By the way, your mom can yell when she’s mad...”

Theron managed to get the last speaker disarmed, and in the ringing silence turned back to Xaja. “Have I ever mentioned I love you?”

“Once or twice.” Xaja laughed and sat back down in the bed. “Now get back here so we can plan our retaliation, now that I’m good and awake.”

There was no going back to sleep after an awakening like that, anyway.

Koth stormed into the war room two days later with his hair bleached white and a murderous glare directed at anyone who gaped or snickered at him. “Shan!” he bellowed.

Theron gave Koth his very best wide-eyed innocent look as he leaned back on his (adhesive-free) chair. “Yeah, Koth? What’s up?”

“You son of a bitch. My eyebrows too?! How?!”

“Hey, don’t look at me! My hands are clean in this.” Theron raised his hands as evidence of his innocence.

“I know this was you!” Koth glared at the agent (who was desperately trying to not bust a gut laughing) and stormed back out of the command room, right past a broadly-smirking Senya and a helplessly-giggling Vette. “Revenge shall be sweet and-”

“Nice hair, Koth. Trying out a new style?” Xaja meandered up to the Zakuulan and gave him a mischievous grin. “Hate to break it to you, but white really isn’t your colour, dear.” Theron was never sure if Koth’s reaction was due to her laughter, or the pat on the cheek she gave him.

Koth gaped at the Jedi Commander for a long minute, shot another glare at Theron, and stormed away to a chorus of laughter behind him. “I hate you all.”

Xaja grinned impishly as the Zakuulan left, then sauntered up behind Theron and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “I love you.”

Theron smiled and leaned backward into her touch. “What do you wanna bet he’ll still blame both of us, even though that was your handiwork?”

“Hey, it was your idea, love. I just did the execution.” Xaja kissed Theron’s temple. “I give him two days.”

“I can’t believe you three are wasting time and resources on a prank war…” Lana muttered in exasperation under her breath. “Especially you, Commander!”

Lana came to work the next day with itching powder lacing her clothing and Koth, Theron, and Xaja all protesting their innocence for real this time, until Koth pointed out that Korin was quite conspicuously absent from the war room and appeared to be quietly grinning to himself when he was sighted anywhere in the base. And that was apparently all it took for Lana to relax her self-imposed standards on prank wars and go for retaliation in the form of spiking Korin’s preferred Corellian ale with some sort of classified intoxicant that Theron had only heard about in Hutt Space.

Unfortunately Jorgan was the one who wound up drinking the spiked ale and spending the rest of the night dancing on the cantina tables and singing along (loudly and poorly) to Mandalorian drinking songs and making Torian groan in dismay at the butchering of his language.

Even more unfortunately, Jorgan mis-aimed his revenge the next morning and it was Vette who marched into the command room with bright pink clothing and a murderous glare on her face instead of Lana.

And apparently nobody could hold a prank war, or a grudge match, quite like Vette.

To Be Continued…

#the prank wars #odessen #shit just got real #time for a gigglefest! #because I need a break from the angst #swtor #kotfe

[edwintfcj173-blog]

15 Things Your Boss Wishes You Knew About bitcoin mining

How can we convey to if something is pretend or authentic in nowadays’s entire world? One example is, a dollar Monthly bill, a driver’s license or a vote within the election. How can we determine whether or not it’s valid or not? The answer? We continue to keep a history of it. Such as, Every dollar Invoice includes a serial variety which is recorded from the financial institution. Your driver’s license variety is recorded via the DMV and voting information are applied to trace who voted and who didn’t, so the identical human being received’t be able to vote two times. Everytime you would like to confirm that a doc is legit, you just search it up with the applicable authority.

We even have Notaries, people who are accredited by The federal government to work as witnesses to attest and record the validity of pieces of data or identities. You’ll recognize there’s another thing that all these mechanisms have in frequent - These are all centralized, which suggests there’s a central authority, regardless of whether it’s a financial institution, state office, or person that has the ability to concern and validate data. These central authorities have lots of power, and as you understand ability may possibly occasionally corrupt. So what takes place if one particular of these authorities wants to change the specifics or perhaps possibly modify historical past a bit? This my sound considerably fetched, but even our planet heritage is simply a document stored by historians inside a centralized method.

The phrase “Background is written with the victors” tells us that points can in some cases be distorted by All those in electrical power. For those who don’t imagine that’s attainable, here’s an actual life illustration. Now, most money is just a document of who owes what to whom. A result of the subprime disaster in 2008, almost a thousand corporations during the US gained above 630 billion dollars that never ever existed before. Other organizations experienced debts wholly taken out. Some would argue this bailout was justified, however you can’t deny that somebody made a decision to change the records of how much money was owned and owed. This can be why Bitcoin was born. It was the very first variety of cash that eliminates the need for a central authority.

Its records are held by Absolutely everyone, not simply by central banks. And when everyone seems to be preserving monitor and verifying the information, well, Meaning which you could no more change the ledger of transactions Anytime one thing doesn’t add up or as it’s a lot more convenient. You actually have to get started on getting accountable. But money isn’t the only real location where decentralization can Perform a job. Does one keep in mind those big encyclopedia books we accustomed to depend upon when it arrived to investigate? Encyclopedia Britannica used 100 full-time editors and in excess of 4,000 contributors to publish what we regarded as being the authority on knowledge. Just think about the ability the editors of these books experienced in selecting what was worth mentioning, condemning, condoning or ignoring. Nicely, the final volume of encyclopedia Britannica was published in 2010. Nowadays, data is way more decentralized with about one hundred thirty thousand Energetic editors that keep distinctive Wikipedia internet pages. The chance of any of these “likely rogue” unnoticed is far scaled-down since Just about every edit is community and may be confirmed by any individual. Decentralization cuts down the risk for corruption, fraud and manipulation. Blockchain engineering is a different and impressive method to implement decentralization.

Inside of a nutshell, Blockchain technology is a solution for the situation of centralization. It’s a method for keeping information by Everyone, without any have to have for just a central authority - a decentralized method of maintaining a ledger that is definitely pretty much not possible to falsify. I mean, when lots of eyes are observing and verifying every little thing that’s becoming performed, it’s actually tough to interrupt the rules unnoticed. You will be questioning why could it be known as Blockchain? Nicely, visualize we’re sustaining a shared ledger with several web pages of documents. Just about every website page begins that has a sort of summary in the site in advance of it. If you modify a part of the preceding web site, you’ll even have to alter the summary on the current site. Therefore the web pages are literally linked, or chained jointly. In technological phrases, internet pages are termed blocks. And because Every block is associated with the data with the former block, we have a series of blocks, or simply a blockchain. Many individuals feel that Satoshi Nakamoto, the mysterious inventor of Bitcoin, developed Blockchain know-how. Technically he only designed the very first authentic life implementation of it - Bitcoin. The truth is, that term blockchain is rarely even described in Satoshi’s primary whitepaper.

The closest he concerns expressing Blockchain is “chain of blocks”. Now that you really know what blockchain technological innovation is, we nevertheless have two main inquiries to answer - how does it in fact function, and is also blockchain likely to alter our long run? Enable’s get started with the first problem. Yet another way to talk to this query might be - how do I make a program that allows the creation, verification and updating of records by Every person? Nicely, you'll find four aspects a blockchain really should actually have a life of its very own. The very first thing required to assistance a blockchain can be a peer-to-peer network - A community of personal computers, also known as nodes, which can be equally privileged. It’s open to everyone and everyone.

This is largely what we have already got now with the online world. We'd like this network to ensure we should be able to communicate and share with each other remotely. The next ingredient is cryptography. Cryptography may be the art of protected communication within a hostile setting. It lets me to validate messages and show the authenticity of my own messages, even though destructive players are around. We want cryptography as a result of 1st element. Recall, I claimed any person can be involved in this community - like negative actors. It’s good that I can connect, but I also will need to be sure my conversation will come by way of unaltered. The third aspect is actually a consensus algorithm. It is possible to switch the technological phrase “algorithm” Together with the term “rule”. This suggests we need to agree about principles on how we incorporate a fresh web page, generally known as a block, to our information. There are many forms of consensus procedures, in Bitcoin’s scenario we utilize a consensus algorithm often known as Proof of labor.

This algorithm states that to ensure that someone to get paid the ideal so as to add a completely new website page to our ledger they have to obtain a solution into a math problem, which calls for computational power to solve. Computers across the community run calculations to solve the math difficulty As well as in doing this, take in lots of Strength. To put it differently they are doing many do the job. That’s why when one of these finds the quantity that solves the trouble and displays it on the community, they’re basically displaying a “proof of labor”. Think about it since the node’s way of saying: “Hey, I expended a substantial amount of Electricity in this article in fixing this issue initial, so I’m entitled to write the subsequent page”. As I discussed prior to, there are other consensus algorithms that don’t demand so much Strength, This can be just the algorithm type that the Bitcoin blockchain employs. There are positives and negatives to distinctive algorithms, but so that you can run a decentralized ledger you’ll should pick one, in any other case It will likely be seriously tricky to achieve a consensus with so Many individuals from the community.

At last, our past factor is punishment and reward. This aspect is definitely derived from activity principle and it will make sure that it will be in people today’s best curiosity to often Adhere to the principles. So far, we’ve put in place a network that features a way to speak securely, and follows a list of rules for achieving consensus. Now we’ll glue these components jointly by providing a reward to people today that assist us keep our information and increase new web pages. This reward is actually a token, or coin, which is awarded each time a consensus has been achieved along with a new block is additional to our chain. Then again, undesirable actors who seek to trick or manipulate the process will end up shedding the money they used on computational electrical power or their coins is often taken clear of them. Ultimately, the essential thing to remember would be that the punishment and reward procedure operates on psychological behaviour. It turns The principles on the technique from one thing you'll want to abide by into anything you’ll want to abide by, due to the fact It'll be in your best curiosity to take action. This was just an exceedingly high amount clarification of what a blockchain is made up of.

But due to the fact then, far more individuals have started to investigate Bitcoin and blockchain, and possess witnessed the advantages they offer; either in apply, or as an investment. So there you've got it, the 5 things of a truly open, community, decentralized blockchain. Up until these days there are actually only a handful of blockchains that have about one,000 genuinely impartial individuals, and as such is usually considered as decentralized - Bitcoin, Ethereum and Monero to call several.

In case you’re believing that it sounds like loads of exertions To place a blockchain in motion, you’re Totally proper. But This is when Ethereum is available in. Ethereum is actually a Do It You blockchain in which all these 5 elements are currently in motion. All you have to do is Make the correct Answer in addition to it. But that’s a whole distinct whiteboard episode you could check out later on.

Now Allow’s move on to a different time period maybe you have listened to - A personal, or closed blockchain. This phrase refers to providers that monitor and Restrict the gamers who can be involved in their blockchain. It’s a little like how the net, which can be open to Everyone and anyone, differs from an Intranet - an internal network of company desktops. Whilst I believe some companies will discover value in operating personal blockchains to enhance their inner procedures, it’s significantly from everything thrilling inasmuch as it has practically nothing to carry out with decentralization. To bitcoin value emphasise this somewhat a lot more Allow’s Evaluate open up, general public blockchains to shut, non-public kinds. A general public blockchain is open up to Most people, it’s transnational and borderless. It’s censorship resistant, and it doesn’t call for any third social gathering. It’s also neutral - there’s no these kinds of detail as a “superior”, “lousy”, “unlawful” or “lawful” transaction, there’s merely a “valid” or “invalid” 1.

A private blockchain on the other hand, is restricted to licensed participants only, and It is ruled by a handful of entities. In the words and phrases of Andreas Antonopoulos, typically of personal blockchains you don’t actually need a blockchain, you are able to just share a spreadsheet between the individuals. The full idea of blockchain was to decentralize a approach by way of most people, Which’s just the opposite of what A personal blockchain does. The functions of the community blockchain, on the other hand, make tremendous Gains. There’s no one issue of failure. The documents are immutable, often known as tamper proof. And eventually, it’s censorship resistant in order to’t genuinely remove a file or end it from obtaining released - providing it follows the consensus guidelines. In advance of we close nowadays’s lesson we nonetheless have one particular major dilemma to reply - Is blockchain technologies the subsequent large detail? I believe you might have heard of different startups which are utilizing blockchain technological know-how to unravel some type of a difficulty.

Normally when I listen to of this sort of a company I question two issues: Very first, are they using a community or private blockchain? Because if they're not utilizing a community blockchain there’s probably not just about anything pretty disruptive here. Second, do they even have to have a blockchain? If you recall initially of this lesson, we talked about the hazards of centralization.

But these hazards are only meaningful if there’s a lot at stake. Such as, the queue into the pharmacy is managed in the centralized method but I don’t genuinely care given that there’s not a great deal at stake and it’s actually much more efficient this way. Blockchain technologies is excellent at decentralizing, but it surely’s also quite inefficient, slow and Strength consuming. One example is, Bitcoin’s community requires ten minutes on ordinary to verify a transaction. Not The best waiting time for purchasing a cup of coffee at a seven-eleven. The sole reason to decide on Blockchain technological innovation as your Answer is If the challenge is actually centralization. In the event you don’t have to decentralize a thing, you almost certainly don’t should use blockchain technology and they are improved off with a few centralized solution.

The truth is it will probably function greater. To sum it up, Blockchain technological innovation is actually disruptive, but at this time only a handful of use conditions genuinely need it. So the actual issue Is that this: at the current minute, is our entire world All set For additional sophisticated blockchain implementation than what Bitcoin previously features? Inside the early 2000s, there have been a great deal of Amazons, Googles and Facebooks that in no way caught on to the modifications they presented... Nowadays, quite a few of those blockchain startups experience a similar destiny.

#Blockchain #renewable energy #what is a blockchain

[savagegardenforever]

Darren's Character

Interviwer : So, describe yourself with three words? DARREN: Oh God. Umm emotional, stubborn, generous

                                    20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

I am happy with my life at the moment. I feel grateful that I have so many beautiful people around me who love me. I hope the future brings peace on earth..

                                       Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

craziest? I'm not really a crazy person .. as in 'wild'.. I'm sure my friends will tell you I'm nuts in general so probably just getting out of bed today was the beginning of a series of strange behaviors that constitute my personality!

                                       Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

I wish for calm sometimes.. peace.. love.. those kinds of things.. the ability to eat anything I want and never gain weight.. but that's about it.

                                       Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

there is a fine line between being critical and being negative.. and you have to find the wisdom in the words that are thrown at you and avoid the insult..                                        Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

I think we are taught that happiness is a luxury when it should be a birthright... to me, happiness is not bliss.. it is content.. it is feeling loved and loving.. it is grace and gratitude..not ecstacy.. I think elation and that kind of heightened euphoria is never meant to last.. it is a moment that defines the gap between the dark and the light in your life and the life wouldn't be worth living if it didn't contain those extremes.. but in general I don't think we place enough importance on feeling good.. when we should.

                                       Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Well it was a very cleansing experience for my soul.. I felt a lot of pain and I wanted to get it out and reflect upon it. I did that and I feel like a stronger person for having identified what happened to me and where I am today.. now I feel more aware  

                                        Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

How popular? Hm... popular enough to sell more records than last time that's for sure!! haha.. but not so popular that I can't walk down the street without worrying if I look presentable.. I'm a professional slob so I can't be having the snapparzzi stalking me..                                  Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

I hate promo..! I love singing live but I hate selling myself.. I can't lie...so anything that utilizes the live aspect is my fave form of promo                                          Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

No. I usually find that out later. I really don't think too much about that stuff.. If you click then you click. (when being asked : have you ever felt attracted to someone but you didn't make a move cus you was afraid that person was only attracted to you for being a huge star?)                                         Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

I don't think there is just one person for us.. I think there are many but we settle for the one who fits best..                                          Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

General Stuff About Darren

please! Barefeet. never the slipper (when being asked if he wears slippers, socks or barefeet around the home)

                                        Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Smoking gets me angry. I hate it!

                                   20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

when I can't sleep I usually watch music televsion until I get exhausted with either how boring it is to see nekkid 17 year olds sexing up the camera for fame..

                                        Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Darren Hayes: Celine Dion live in vegas ( when being asked about the most embarassing CD he owns)                                          Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Moralistic Darren

I – Is money important? D – Sure, I mean…but it's not God…I mean money is… I – Come on. D - …Yeah, lets get into it. Money is…umm…,it helps you pay the bills, and I'm not gonna insult anyone's intelligence by saying that it hasn't made my life easier, but umm…, you know, I don't think, if you're obsessed over it, it makes you a pretty empty person.

                                  20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

I would never pose naked for anyone unless I was having sex with them. ha. (when being asked if he would pose naked for charity)  

                                     Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

I'm sure not in such a crass way... but I've definitely felt people have wanted to sell themselves to me to get ahead certainly.. the song is really talking about selling out.. selling your soul.. the price of fame.. whether it be giving up your body or your morals.. to make $$$ For me Pop!ular is about our obsession with fame and it's my lack of faith in the music industry and saying.. 'who do I have to sleep with to get my record played?'... and so far it's working a treat..

                                     Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

the most important reason for me to make this record was NOT to sell out.. to make ART.. to make a record that I passionately believed in.. to be honest and unflinching Darren Hayes: if that inspires people or makes them feel less alone that's a bonus..

                                     Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Sexy Darren

I – What do you think is sexy? D – Confidence.

                                   20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002 Funny darren

does anyone really take me seriously with a fluffy dog on my lap?

                                   20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

I – Who would you prefer to date, Hillary Clinton or Cher? D – Oh that's not good. They´re my options? Hillary Clinton or Cher… Oh gosh…I go on a lunch date with both of them. How's that?

                                    20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

I – If you could be invisible, what would you do? D – Obviously I'd just go into you know bathrooms and dressing rooms, and just watch people naked. Isn't that what everyone would do?

                                    20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002 What´s the most embarrassing thing you've done? D – Umm, I'm gonna make something up, because the most embarrassing thing I´ve ever done is, it would ruin my career. I – Ok. D – So, I just tell you that I walked into a window, this is true actually, of a restaurant, when everyone inside knew who I was, and they were all going "no, no" and I walked into the window. I – Were you drunk? D – No, that's the sad thing, and all there was, was a, just a mark of my lips, on the window. I – So you had lipstick on? D – No, I had moisturizer on my lips, thank you.

                                        20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

I got a bit concerned when we almost got arrested... the lame dancers were terrified and one of them kept saying.. 'I can't get arrested! My dad will kill me!!'... but it was a lot of fun... I didn't mean the dancers were lame... I mean they were wearing gold lame... a metallic fabric..!                                              Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Well...after hugging all of you... I got TERRIBLY SICK... so you can kiss goodbye to your hugs from Uncle Darren on tour kiddies that's for sure..!

                                             Fanclub chat 9 july 2004 Well it is probably falling off stage...in various places but probably in Brisbane in front of a sell out crowd... but thankfully Daniel did the same later so it was a family affair..(when being asked about themost embarrasing moment)

                                             Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Religious Darren

I – Is there life after death? D – Oh sure. In some way. I don't know if we come back as this dog.                                         20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

Darren & Yoga

I'm good at Yoga. I'm pretty good. I'm competitive

                                        20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

Talented Darren

What can you do best besides singing? D – I Vogue

                                       20 Questions on the Swedish music channel Z TV 2002

Darren & Family

I am asking Leonie and she is saying mid sept at this point.. remind me to tell my mum (when being asked when he will be back to Australia for promotion)

                                                     Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Darren & Music

most challenging? Technically popular because it was a very intricate and complicated rhythm track with lots of stops and starts..lots of edits and cut and paste.. I loved it though.. emotionally probably Unlovable.. it used to make me cry..

                                                      Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

as soon as a song is finished being recorded I begin changing the arrangement because I personally get bored!!

                                                      Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

sometimes a melody comes into my head that is so infectious that I think it must be someone else's .. but it isnt..                                                        Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

I don't know if I'm cheekier in general.. I think popular is cheeky but the rest of the album is actually much more serious.. even pop.. is quite a dark and sarcastic tone if you think about it or really listen to the lyrics.. it's about selling your soul for fame

                                                      Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

Spin was written in a very self conscious way... with pressure to find hits and with a certain degree of ego and arrogance.. the tension and the spark was the complete opposite... very organic experience...experimental and confessional.... almost writing and recording without being aware of the end result.. Darren Hayes: also this record was everything I wanted to say for years but was afraid to

                                                       Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

About Daniel

I'm singing to Daniel .( when being asked why everytime he performs TTMAB live, at the end he sings "don't get me wrong, I still believe in you)                                                        Fanclub chat 9 july 2004

#darren hayes #chat #quotes #intreview

[ollis-beard]

please do all of the aesthetic themed asks C;

My goodness.. let’s do thisflower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?A few minutes ago, i sing to myself all the time. It was the baby song Finn sings from the Adventure Time episode “The Jiggler”

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?What my life’s purpose is, what i’m meant for

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?Graduating from high school? Lol i haven’t done much

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?I was playing with my dog a few minutes ago, she always looks so happy and cute, it makes me want to explode

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?I would try to go out and experience more but I’m still dependent on other people for adventures.. so i guess i’d get my driver’s license and explore on my own

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?I don’t have one, i’ll have to put one together

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.My favorite person, we used to be super close and talk everyday. They’re super silly and goofy and one of the only people i can be really open and honest with. We used to have so much fun and we’re getting back to being close again

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?Yeah but it wasn’t really exciting either

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?A month ago maybe

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.A friend i’ve had for a few years but haven’t gotten close to until recently. We’ve actually gone stargazing a few times before and each time is magical, everytime we do it, we see shooting stars.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?Probably because i love deep conversations and probably couldn’t stop myself no matter how embarrassing it might become

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?An ex lol we’re friends now though

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?I would tell my youngest brother to keep working his way through life, he has so much potential and a lot of people seem to put him down, they don’t realize how hard he’s trying

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?I love, love, love them! Any kind of brown, a bright golden honey colored brown, a soft muted medium brown or a deep dark, almost black brown that has the most beautiful flecks of red and gold. I love all of them and think they are absolutely gorgeous on both men and women.. its probably even part of my “type”, i just think they’re the most adorable feature

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.“Keep moving forward” - Monty Oum, just him telling people to keep living their lives and doing what they want even when things don’t go right or get tough

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?“Why did I do that?”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?Spend some of it on a little house for me and a business to make more money, then use whatever’s left and whatever i earn to spoil my friends, family and pretty much anyone who needs it

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?I think so, i think i know when someone deserves my forgiveness

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.All i have to say is don’t be afraid. Make new friends and forget about your old ones. You’ll learn to love your new life and you’ll hate yourself for not accepting it sooner and spending your time being miserable. Your bitterness now will only hurt yourself in the future. Stay away from asshole guys, you will be happier on your own and their love is not real. They will only hurt you. And please.. please for the love of god.. skip your emo phase. Its nowhere near as cool as you think and loving bright beautiful things does not make you weak. Try to enjoy everything.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?I’m like perfectly in the middle right now, i’m transitioning into pastel but i still have a lot of punky hottopic shit

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.I love them, they are art to me!

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?On a daily basis, no. I wear makeup like twice a week but when I do, I wear about a medium amount.. tinted moisturizer/mineral foundation, light eye makeup, light contouring and lip liner. I’m just not good enough at makeup to do a lot, only what i need

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.Rammstein helped me get through a very abusive relationship. It just made me feel strong and empowered. I loved how elegantly vulgar they are, using poetic songs to tell terrible, disgusting stories

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.Just stop, everyone needs to lay down, stop fighting and listen to each other.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.I went to a Maroon 5 concert with my best friend when i was in like 4th grade, i don’t remember it much lol. I went to a Between the Buried and Me concert (mostly went for Animals as Leaders) a couple years ago, it was my firs real metal show, i was dressed like a slut and got pushed over by a drunk guy so thinking about it makes me anxious. I went to an Animals as Leaders concert (With Plini, yes!!) a few months ago for my birthday, it was excellent and i was there just holding hands with my girls and crying so it makes me feel warm and loved.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?An ex, just telling me he loves and misses me like i know he does. I just want to hear a lot more from him

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?Lol i have a desk but i don’t do work there. There’s just makeup on it so that gets out of hand when i need to use it, especially if i’m in a rush and will be gone for a while

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?I take a shower (use the oil cleansing method for my face), moisturize, brush teeth and watch youtube in bed until i get sleepy

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?I almost got period blood on my parents’ new couch one night, my mom loves that couch more than me and my brothers, my youngest brother isn’t even allowed to sit on it lol

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?I want to dye it a lighter strawberry blonde or a peachy color and cut it short with wispy bangs, i think it would look cute on me

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?Three of my sister-in-laws and my two best friends. We would have a Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas style trip

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.I wish i was super fckn rich so i wouldn’t have to worry about money anymore, i could take care of my friends and family, pretty much anyone that needs itAnd that animals could never get hurt, everyone treated them well and didn’t use them for whatever evil needs people haveAnd hmmm maybe that people aren’t hating on each other all the time about things like race, sexuality, religion, then people could work together better and solve the real problems

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.I dressed up as Dipper Pines the halloween before last! That’s when i decided that i don’t like trick-or-treating anymore because even though i was dressed in a totally non-sexual costume from a children’s show, i was still getting weird stares from older men, one tried to look down my shirt… bleck

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?I can’t even say.. so instead i’ll say something funny, i pissed in the bushes of my friend’s apartment complex when i figured out that i couldn’t get in her place

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?Hurt an animal.. there’s not enough money in the world for me to do that

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?I’ll choose to only see one person, and we could listen to all the music we want! I love music too much and people are overwhelming, this sounds great

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.Yes, its scary because you know it’ll hurt when they leave, no matter how hard you try to hold on to them

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?I wish i could have short hair.. it just wouldn’t look good on me

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?S’mores frappucino right now boooiiii

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?Keeping myself and my friends happy

Thank you for the ask.. my hands hurt lol

#ask

[donnasaturno]

I haven’t done this stuff in a long time

Tagged by @lorienleylines

The rules is that you have to fill out basic info, answer the 11 questions from the person who tagged you,, tag people you want to do it next, and then ask your own original 11 questions…. or something? Idk it wasn’t clear but that’s what I’m going to do

Relationship Status: Dating.

Favorite colours: Pink, yellow, purple, brown, blue, black, white, green and red.

Pets: An American Cocker Spaniel named Ugo.

Last song I listened to: Mumbo's Mountain.

First fandom: Homestuck.

Hobbies: Drawing, listen Vaporwave for hours, get sad out of nowhere, play Fallout Shelter or Stronghold.

Favorite book: I, Robot by Isaac Asimov

Worst thing I’ve eaten: I’d rather not recall that memory...

Favorite place: Any place with pretty flowers.

Lorien’s 11 questions for me:

If you got the chance to date a mythical/fantasy creature, what would it be? (Vampire, fairy, mermaid, ect…) A goat-like unicorn.

What would you wish for if you had three genie wishes, but none of them could directly affect you or anyone you knew personally? First, that everytime someone drops trash in the street, said trash turned into flower’s petals; Second, a year stuck of delicious desserts from around the world; Third and last, an sponge that always stays as if it were new.

If you had to audition for a show using any song from any musical, what song would you choose to perform? (-:

What is the thing you have done that you are most proud of? My art. Everytime I realize I improve.

What is the thing you have done that you are least proud of? Many things I prefer to not remember.

If you had a personal heaven crafted for you when you died, what would it look like? It would be pretty similar to my current life. That’s more than perfect to me.

Name a couple of your guilty pleasures? One Direction and Justin Bieber’s music. Yes...

How did you find out about Santa not being real? My older sister told me years ago. Such dark times )’:

Describe you dream pet. A magical goat who sometimes takes a bipedal position and eats desserts with me. With golden horns and puffy tail, and sweet frilly clothes.

What’s an unpopular opinion you have that you’re often afraid to share with strangers? I’m not afraid to say that the SJW side of tumblr is even worse than the Anti-SJW side, which is already horrid in its own. AH, and I don’t like Yuri on Ice.

What’s the silliest thing that you’re afraid of? WORMS AND MAGGOTS. Caterpillars are cute.

I tag @wocxdid @sapphire-blazer 

My eleven questions:

Favorite month and why?

Have you ever feel that you waste too much time?

Clouds or stars?

Your most remarkable skill?

Favorite mythos? From which culture?

Favorite season and why?

If you could be an angel, which would be your place in the hierarchy?

If you could be a dessert, how would you look like?

Moths or butterflies? If you don’t like any, bees or bumblebees?

Do you like goat cheese?

Favorite planet and why?

#me

[dontshutusdown]

Not sure how to begin but let's talk about why it is important if the narrative is really changing, what with Louis finally tweeting Harry after 4 years of sticking to not, or most probably after 4 years of being restricted. This story is not associated only to Harry and Louis but to every couple who hasn't fully came out to the public yet. This is for everyone, every pair, who has to love each other almost in silence because this world hasn't completely changed. This world hasn't fully accepted that homosexuality shouldn't be silent, shouldn't be any different. That I hope loving someone proudly is possible, regardless of your sexuality. Supporting Harry and Louis for four years now has been a tough, happy, heartbreaking, heartwarming and sweet ride since then. I've lived through watching the purity turned into restricted body language, the media perception, the struggles and perhaps, also on how they have always managed to make things loud and clear in their very own way. Strong is such an understatement if I have to describe the relationship that these two have always had in my opinion. And though this love kept me holding on, made me cry several times because it somehow represents the many other struggling couple (celeb or not), kept me smiling because they couldn't be more inlove after all these years, I still can't help but sometimes sit in silence for when everytime I deeply think about their situation. How it's like to belong to someone yet can't say it in public. To be smitten to someone yet can't fully express it and just.. you know.. be happy about it. With that as the subject, I remember throughout my support for equal love, back in 2014 when my sister introduced me to her workmate/friend Vin. My sister told me right away that Vin is openly gay to his friends, to his workmates, but closeted to everyone in his hometown. Like none of his family knew. And he, for some reasons just don't take that set-up to heart because his life is in the city anyway. He thinks he barely even visit his family back there, and even when he does, it would only lasts for about two to three days. I'm not usually a friendly person, but meeting him, I kind of became comfortable with him right away for he jokes around and is really cool about things. I remember my sister telling me that Vin has always joked about hating the responsibility of visiting hometown because he would have to be a MAN again. He would have to act tough and stuff to fit in to how his family sees him. He says he hated pretending to be a straight man but he has to. Everytime he was there with them, he would casually and lightly update my sister about the stress of pretending, as if he has somehow mastered it. But I guess it could be because he's just naturally a happy positive human, or that he simply don't mind the acting that much for in a matter of days he can be free again once back in the city. A few more encounter in some events and a few months later since being acquainted to me, I heard that he's started dating a newer guy. Let's call his new love interest, Art. At first I thought that Art will just be like one of those guys he goes out with only to be replaced after two months, (because Vin likes to show me photos of him and his current boyfriend and he never seemed serious in any of them) but I was wrong. Eventually me and my sister realized that Vin has never been this happy and committed? Has never been stick-to-one ever? And it's been months? And they're not just together but it came to a point where Art has gotten close to his friends too unlike his past boyfriends? And they live together? And they're domestic? And they have plans and dreams and mutual understanding? For the first time, Vin is sharing a relationship with someone he really loves, something that doesn't feel like it has an expiration date. Him and Art would sometimes go to our house just to chill with my sister, and you know, seeing them, and knowing that a huge part of Vin's life is unaware of this, his happiness, his other half, kind of aches my heart. I remember how they remind me of Harry and Louis. Vice versa, actually. In my mind since meeting them, everytime I blog I kind of considered them as an essential part. An example of how life really moves. That, if personally, I know a couple who wouldn't have been thought of as a couple at all by outsiders, a couple who has to hide at some point, how is that impossible for everyone else? How is it impossible that some people might just be hiding in their closets all this time? And while the story I just shared is in no way an actual proof that Harry and Louis have the same situation, or a proof that they are also indeed boyfriends, (because no that's not the point) I needed to share that. I needed to share how I witnessed Vin and Art interact for years since I met them. Because just two weeks ago, Art passed away. I was shocked because I haven't been that updated about them in the past few months since Vin transferred to a different company from the workplace she used share with my sister. All I know is that they're going strong. Until Vin called my sister to deliver the news. He was crying. He almost couldn't accept that Art's illness could be that serious that it could take Art away from him. That he would actually die. That this time would come that he had to say goodbye. That he had just been taken away from him. I didn't know further personal details of the death because I didn't ask my sister how Vin has been handling this and all. She's the friend, not me. But yeah my sister went to the funeral that happened last week, and my heart goes out to both of Vin and Art. I still cannot believe their fate, tbh. Shortly after that, I thought of looking at both of Vin and Art's social media accounts. And it broke my heart. They were so in love. They were so smitten. I found a few older posts in which they were sending each other indirect messages. Thanking each other. Congratulating each other. Simple stuffs that could have been more beautiful if only they were loud. But they weren't. They were sweet, yet silent, and limited. They couldn't even tag each other. And you won't understand what or for whom the message was meant unless you know who they are for each other, unless you know what they are to each other. And me being one of those, can't sleep tonight because I feel like life is unfair. Were they contented with that set-up? Were they happy enough or did they actually hoped things were a lot easier? That everyone knows what they are instead? It wasn't my relationship, but my heart aches nonetheless. After Art's passing, I saw Vin posted about how "life has only turned you into a beautiful memory" and I wonder how hard it is to move on from losing someone you didn't even get to share with the world? I think about the places he could have brought him but didn't because he wasn't allowed to? I feel like he could still be crying at night missing him and wishing they did everything when he was still alive? That he could have spent every moment with him if only he knew their time would be that short? It's so so sad. And I'm sorry. But this makes me all the more angry that society has to be like that. That people have to hide all because of their sexuality, or the sexuality of who they chose to love. It's fucked up. I hope we don't have to fight for lgbtqa+ rights for the rest of our lives until we get the acceptance and support. I hope no one has to live in silence. Life is too short. I don't want to hear more and more stories where they have waited forever to be free, that it feels forever, that it doesn't seem like it will ever end for them. I hope this world finally learns. The sooner the better.

#lgbt support #personal #i'm gonna tag gabi just in case she's checking because i'm not sure if my mutuals are up for long ass post #but seriously #free everyone #fuck homophobia #tellmethisisnotlove #harry and louis #lgbt