#I wish real physical things felt good to be around too :-( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feistyfreaks · 6 months

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the physical - miguel o’hara

pairings ❀ ⋮ doctor!miguel x shyf!reader

₊❏❜ content ⋮ dubcon/cnc, d/s dynamics // doctor taking advantage of their patient, nipple play & nipple stimulation, blue balls, soft dom, sweet tempered mig, vag fingering, squirting, ehh aftercare ?? porn with a taboo subject. slight dirty talk, nicknames, n somewhat begging.

note ⋮ sorta got lazy w this lmfao, this is one of so many drafts i have lingering around in my pile.

not proofread !

✧*･ﾟ

there you were, anxiously fidgeting around with your fingers. waiting patiently to be called on.. and you mean very patient.

what?

you wanted them to take their time so you wouldn’t have to walk into the examination room. this was going to be your first physical and you were really nervous. and it showed when the heel of your foot intensely bounced rhythmically off the floor.

“y/n” the nurse called out as your anxiety heightened. you smiled awkwardly standing up, lowering your head as you walked past the other patients and into a small room.

“i’ll just take your blood pressure real quick~” the nurse hummed, grabbing the small machine and undoing the velcro as she wrapped it around the fat of your arm.

with a faint click the cuff began to tighten, cutting off your blood flow for a moment. your arm became numb and tingly as you a felt short pulse on it — and with a whoosh, the cuff finally released you.

“excellent! now just change into this robe — make sure to be completely naked under it, and the doctor should be in pretty soon.” the nurse said. “you look nervous is it your first time?” the nurse asked.

“yeahh..”

“don’t worry he won’t bite.” the lady playfully rolled her eyes, flashing you a reassuring smile as she elbowed you.

“he?” you blurted out, eyes widening.

“i know it may seem weird, but he’s a gentlemen.” the lady added, seeing your expression she tried consoling it.

but that only caused you to worry more.

“it’ll go well don’t worry!” she said, heading out her way she waved at you and wished you good luck.

you stood there processing the whole thing and imagining all the possibilities of embarrassment you’re going to have to go through. you slowly exhaled. “oh my gosh, fuck me for coming here.” you whined to yourself as you moved on to removing your layers of clothing - you took your shirt off and unclasped your bra, unbuttoning your jeans and sliding it down your thighs along with your panties. you then reached for the robe and wrapped it around your naked body. you folded your clothes neatly into a stack as you placed it on a small desk besides you.

you then sat atop the table, waiting patiently.

just then a audible knock fulfilled your ears as your head perked up to meet eyes with a males.

your heart stopped beating for a second.

oh shit.

this guy was so fine he could literally be on a magazine cover.

you couldn’t help but wonder if this man was single or if he had a very lucky girlfriend.

“how’s your morning going, love?” the man asked, casually calling you a nickname that made you stop in your tracks and turn red.

“good.”

you began pinching yourself as you slightly pouted. ‘fuck fuck fuck’

“did you eat any breakfast?” he asked, giving the hint of wanting to start a conversation.

“nothing, really.” you lied, faking a smile. “me too, i was in a rush so i just decided to chew on some gum for the moment.” he grinned, clicking his pen as he picked up your files, tapping it on his desk tidying up all those loose sheets of paper into a neat stack.

“oh.”

what a plain response.

“well then, let’s begin shall we?” he proposed with a smile as you nodded.

“alright—first and foremost, i’m going to listen to your heartbeat.“ he said, stepping closer to you as he gently pushed down the robe and pressed the stethoscope to the center of your chest.

“breathe in~”

you inhaled and held your breath, all while his eyes ogled yours.

“breathe out~”

“again, breathe in..”

“and breathe out~”

“are you nervous?” he asked, raising a brow.

‘kill me’

“..no”

“really?”

“..yes”

“honey, you’re a very bad liar.” he chuckled as you felt yourself heat up.

“take a deep breath.” he smiled. “your heart rate is a little rapid, which may be due to your adrenaline rush — but it’s totally normal since most find it awkward being around the opposite sex during this exam.” he reassured, “it’s nothing new dear.”

“right.” you awkwardly laughed, nodding your head in agreement as you looked away.

“i get if you may feel weird, i’ll try my best to make you feel welcomed.” he smiled.

“thank you, i appreciate it.”

and you really did appreciated it. you knew what he was trying to do. you’ve been observing it — and this proved your point. he was trying to make you comfortable in the short amount of time you two had together.

“well, i’m now going to move on to examine your hair and mouth.” he chimed, slipping on some blue gloves as the rubber snapped to each of his wrists.

his fingers cordially ran through your luscious hair, mindfully massaging small circles on each of your temples. “que bella.” he commented, making you smile, “thank you.”

he then moved on to cup your face conscientiously, gently tilting your head to the side as he brushed your hair behind your ear. he couldn’t help but scrutinize your unique features.

“you’re really pretty.” he added, making your smile widen even more. “thank you,” you replied, “i’d say the same about you.” you wanted to return the compliment but the words slipped out of your mouth, giving him the idea you found him attractive.

“really? i’m quite old so it’s nice to know the good looks still haven’t wore off yet.” he laughed.

“oh, how old are you?” you asked curiously perking your head to the side.

“how old do i look? be brutally honest, no offense taken.”

you squinted your eyes, now it was your turn to examine his features.

his dark hair was neatly slicked back, no grey hair to hint his age nor any visible wrinkles—rather his bronzed skin looked flawless, and his lips weren’t even chapped. neither did they look cracked or dry, they looked soft, plump and rich. his outfit was nicely chosen and put together. he looked formal and neat..and hot. he stood around six foot with an attractive physique.

“twenty seven?” you guessed wildly, “wow that really boosts my ego, i’m in my early thirties.” he chuckled, flashing you a smile that made your heart throb.

there’s no way he could’ve been older than thirty. “you’re being for real?” you snorted before you abrupt into a contagious laughter.

“no like actually, i am. but thank you love, that definitely made my day.” he thanked with a tender warm smile that made your heart clench and swing your legs like a teenage girl in love.

“okay, cariño. let’s check your mouth now, yea? ahh — ” he demonstrated sticking out his tongue as he pointed to his mouth.

“aaahh.”

“good girl.”

his thumb pressed on your chin, adjusting his glasses to further inspect you as his eyes squinted.

god he was so close to you, his warm breath smelled like the mint flavored gum he was chewing on ~ and oh his cologne. it smelled so good, and so manly it had you swooning.

he carefully placed a popsicle stick on the flat of your tongue, slightly pushing it down and past your throat making you gag.

“that remind you of anything?” he grinned, raising a brow and he couldn’t help but smirk at your confused expression.

“wh-hat?” you choked out, curling your hand into a fist as you hit your chest in attempts to calm down your choke.

“nothing dear,” he cleared his throat with a smug smile, continuing to chew on his gum as if nothing happened.

you didn’t get it.

he finished writing something on his notepad as he clicked his pen, satisfied.

“mkay i’m going to ask you a few simple questions..” he went on, “first question, how often do you exercise?”

“two to four times a week.”

“excellent. are you feeling any abnormal pain or discomfort, if so where do you feel the pain or discomfort?”

“no, and no where.”

“any use of drugs, alcohol anything particularly?”

“nope.”

“are you sexually active?”

“..no..”

“are you practicing safe sex?”

you looked up at him, “..no?”

that sounded as if you were questioning yourself.

“when was the last time you’ve been penetrated?”

you fell silent..hoping he’d get the message. but he didn’t seem to read your expression like you anticipated to.

“i’m a virgin.”

“oh..”

“okay.” he raised his brows trying to not give you the impression he was surprised by your answer. like look at you, you looked so gorgeous sitting there all flustered.

he glanced down adjusting his glasses again as he scribbled something down on his note pad before turning back to you.

“just need you to lay down for me and put your feet on the stirrups.” he smiled as you followed the given instructions, leaning backwards until your back hit the cold leather as he helped you put your feet in and onto the stirrups, lacing them secure.

“scoot closer,”

you propped your elbows on the table, scooting your bum closer.

“more..”

you scooted further, just inches away from his pelvis, yet that still wasn’t enough - “just a little more..”

gosh. how close did he want you to be? you scooted just a teeny tiny bit more.

he grabbed your hips and pulled you closer to his likings, your pelvises were so close it was centimeters away from one another’s. but to make matters worse he decided to close the gap — your groin making contact with his as your breath hitched in your throat.

your robe rose up, feeling his bulge brush against your pantie-less cunt as he took a step back. he definitely felt that. clearing his throat, he looked away pretending he didn’t see anything.

you pulled your robe down in embarrassment, blood rushing to your cheeks.

“my bad,” he coughed, “just wanted to make sure you were close enough.” he reasoned.

“anyways, i need to examine your breasts so if you mind..” he expressed, signaling you to pull your robe down from the shoulders.

you took a deep breath, breaking eye contact you slowly started to undo the knot but were too embarrassed to completely pull it off your breasts — so he did it for you.

his ginormous hand skimmed past your breast before taking a handful in his palm, fondling and squishing it as if it were some stress toy.

he continued to chew on the gum expressionless whilst thumbing your sensitive nipple making you bite your lip. with his pointer finger and thumb he rolled the bud in between the pads of his fingers before slightly tugging at it.

you let out a gasp, and he raised a brow.

oh, weren’t you sensitive?

he decided to tease you more.. twisting the bead in his finger pads and tugging at it again.. and again and again. you didn’t notice you were squirming the whole time, your brows were knitted together and you didn’t even realize you were letting out soft moans. once you finally had the confidence to meet his stare he tugged on your poor nipple harder causing you to let out a loud whimper that made you bite your tongue. and before letting go, he decided to give you one last harsh squeeze.

by the end of his little examination he knew he had left you hot and bothered.

he wanted to continue toying with you, those cute little sounds you were making made his dick twitch in his pants.

“all normal and healthy.” he muttered lowly, eyes darkening with a hidden arousal.

opening a drawer he reached for a weird looking contraption as he dug further, pulling out a small liquidy tube.

“i’m now going to need a quick sample of your mucus, it’s to test for any infections.” he explained, “f-y-i it’s gonna hurt, but don’t worry i’ll make it as quick as possible.” he added, “by the way this is a speculum and it’ll y’know go inside—you get the idea.“

you nodded awkwardly as he stepped forward yet again. “may i?”

you nodded slightly embarrassed as you gave him consent, he slowly pushed your robe, displaying your bare cunt.

his thumb swiped against your naked mound, uncapping the bottle you felt a cold liquid pour onto your warmth, making you gasp. your lower body writhed, bucking at the feeling.

“sorry i should’ve warmed it up for you darling.” he cooed, his snug palm rested on your pubic bone to warm it up, lathering the lubricant all over you. and when you were ready he slowly slid the speculum inside, opening the blades you let out a strained groan. it revealed your insides and the back of your cervix.

bloody hell did it sting — the cool breeze was a weird sensation. but boy have you never felt so exposed before. a small cotton swab gently swiped on the inside of your inner wall causing you to let out another painful hiss.

“all done” he murmured, putting the cotton swab into a small ziploc bag and into a envelope. closing the contraption and slowly pulling it out of you, you let out a sigh of relief. “feelin’ okay?” he asked, caressing your arm.

“i-i’m fine” you sighed shakily.

“if you say so” he smiled, checking off something in his notepad before beginning once again, “last but not least i’ll be checking for any tenderness, growths and any tumors inside you. so while i’m at it try to think of something hot and exciting — being naturally turned on helps with getting better results.” he suggested, making some shit up.

you blinked, “..i don’t know what to think about though”

“think about me fucking you or something” he scoffed, blurting out something so taboo it made you blush.

“w-what?”

“i’m kidding” he laughed, “i mean.. unless you’re actually into that type of stuff” he cleared his throat, searching for any visible reaction on your face from the corner of his eye.

“n-no, no not at all — that’s wrong, very wrong.” you reasoned, trying to prove your innocence. “you’re nervous” he pointed out. “am not!”

“oh really? your body language is telling me a whole different story” he smiled, “no need to be ashamed about your fantasies”

“i-i’m not ashamed!” you snapped back,“so sensitive..” he chuckled, as you realized your back felt hot and all sweaty.

oh boy did he know how to rile you up.

‘he was only playing.’ you reminded yourself, slowly exhaling.

“let’s get started shall we?” he voiced teasingly - his hand trailed down your abdomen as his finger pads ghosted over your soft skin sensually hovering over your entrance. his touch sent butterflies to abrupt in your tummy, and that’s when you shut your lids tight feeling his digits slip past your folds ever so smoothly. like a dip in warm honey, a slight whimper escaped your lips from the ecstatic feeling.

his thumb crept up to add pressure to your clit, experimentally toying with you. but he wasted no time in setting a steady pace as his experienced fingers lewdly slid in and out of you. you moaned softly, aroused with the excitement exploding through your body.

he began searching for anything abnormal - but of course he put more effort into finding your gspot.

you couldn’t help but yelp once his finger tips curled upwards.

bingo.

it didn’t take him to long to find that sweet gummy spot he’d been looking for as he was already familiar with the female anatomy. your thighs twitched and clamped around his hand as he purposely began to brush up against your sweet spot — aiming his fingertips against that certain nerve making you moan loudly.

he knew exactly what he was doing to you.

your mouth hung open, your eyes searched for his as they twinkled with lust. “feels good doesn’t it?” he asked, breaking through your pleasure. “fuck please” you breathed out.

“hm please what mami?” he praised as his fingers continued their assault on your sobbing cunt, fucking into you in all the right places.

you curiously looked downwards as the visual stimulation sent pleasurable shocks throughout your body.

his other hand came to slap your clit making you jump,

“answer me.”

you opened your mouth but the only thing that came out was a whine.

“i know you aren’t that fucked out, answer me nena.”

“please wanna cum —!” you whined pathetically, shutting your eyes harshly.

that’s when you felt your orgasm approaching, your fingers wrapped around his thick wrist in attempts to stop him before you shattered into pieces.

“is that so baby? wanna cum on your doctors fingers hm?” he teased with that cocky grin of his. the thought of your doctor fingering you so lewdly made your pussy throb.

an intense sensation formed in the pit of your stomach as it slowly began unraveling, but before you could even hit that euphoric bliss he slipped his fingers out with a smug grin, a groan tearing from you throat.

he tore off the blue latex gloves in one swift movement, his fingers teased your slit, obscenely spreading them out as he spat at your clit, the saliva running down and coating your contrasting hole before slipping his ring and middle finger back into your glistening cunt.

the new sensation of his textured finger pads caused a shiver to run down your spine. the feeling of the warm texture rubbing on your bare velvety walls felt so good it had you bucking into his palm.

“such a fucking tight pussy” he growled, his thumb roughly rubbing circles on your sensitive pearl. colorful pigmented dots formed in your eyesight like a static tv before your eyes began rolling back.

you moaned loudly, his fingers skillfully fucking you roughly as your back arched off the leather seat. your pussy clenched around his fingers as he bumped into your gspot again, n again, n again.

and before you knew it you were a whining mess, squirting everywhere and ruining his clothes.

it atleast took you a minute or two to recover, and when you snapped back into reality you found your doctor calmly cleaning you up.

“oh my—“

“i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone come as hard just from fingering.” he chuckled, “what a show baby, you were so responsive.”

“you’re all healthy dear, come back in a year or so — that was just the beginning.”

part two.

#feistyfreaks #miguel o’hara smut #atsv miguel #miguel o’hara spiderverse #kinktober #spiderman 2099 x reader #miguel fanfiction

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dizzygrizzlies · 6 days

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no, you don’t need to wear your mask/tail to school.

i wish young nonhumans didn’t feel compelled to be ‘out’ at school, especially when it’s a dangerous environment. i keep seeing posts along the lines of “wore my tail/mask to school! people berated/teased/put their hands on me, but it’s ok”.

no, it’s not.

like.. i understand a mask or a tail can be a very validating thing for some people. and i’m not saying NO ONE should wear them at schools. but i just keep watching this mounting trend of young therians insinuating you need some physical accessory or to do quads to be a ‘real’ nonhuman. and then it leads to things like this and it makes me incredibly sad.

i’d known i was alterhuman since late elementary school, actually. it’s a huge part of my life even now, years after graduation. there wasn’t a reason for it to be brought up, so i never did. it was a closely guarded secret to me, but it didn’t feel like a weight i was carrying. i always thought “no one needs to know i’m an animal if it jeopardizes my safety. so, oh well”.

“but, how will people know that i’m an animal?”

they probably will. they probably already do.

i was the designated ‘animal’ person my entire school career despite not ever handling animals in front of anyone. if there were pets, lost wild animals (baby rabbits, birds, lizards), or sometimes even loose livestock that got onto campus, it was always me who had to go tend to them.

everyone wanted me in their group in environmental science. if a project called for animal illustrations, the same thing would happen. it was certainly weird because i was also a ‘weird kid’ and not especially desired to be around outside of that, lol. but i was never harassed for it. it made me feel very validated, actually.

i had fun during gym running and fiercely destroying the opposing team in field hockey. i taught everyone which plants were okay to forage (and we snacked on them when we had to sit on the lower field for practice). every day i was hyperaware of the limbs i had that weren’t quite there. friends noticed my ears twitch and my nose wiggle at certain stimuli. i felt nice walking on two legs. i felt nice because i felt animal and i didn’t have to prove it to anyone.

really like… just do what makes you happy. i admire the bravery it takes to so earnestly wear your identity on your sleeve like that. that’s very impressive. however, there is NO obligation to do anything like that if you understand that there will be a reaction that poses a threat to you.

i want our kids to be safe, too. you don’t have to feel dysphoria over being discreet. sometimes it’s the safest option. and sometimes, that can be really fun, too.

study everything you can about your ‘type. wikipedia and animalia are good resources. ramble about them to anyone who will listen. jokingly refer to yourself as one in friend spaces. wear discreet clothes that remind you of your ‘type. find a nice private place outside where you can run and explore and look at plants and smell the air and feel like yourself. but by no means do you have to prove yourself. you know you.

#txt #therianthropy #therian #otherkin #alterhumanity #alterhuman #nonhuman #dogkin #wolfkin #foxkin #dragonkin #catkin #i forget what most common ‘types are LOL #quadrobics #therian mask

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hxmocrastic · 4 months

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𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧 | HCS

Pairing ; {📺+📖} Luke Castellan x GN!Reader

Warnings ; Yandere, Stalking, Gaslighting, Fear of Abandonment, Imminent Kidnapping, Manipulation, Inferiority Complex, Emotional Abuse. ALL CHARACTERS AGED UP 18+

A/N ; Sorry I didn't respond directly to you anon, I accidentally posted this before it was finished and couldn't edit it 💀 But Enjoy!!

Luke is a Gaslighting, Guilt tripping, Boyfailure personified.

At first he takes up his signature friendly act and introduces himself to you first. He even offers to show you around camp !

To him, you're just so adorable. He loves how docile & compliant you are, how your sweet little chin nod's at his every word. You're just so fucking addicting, As soon as he saw you he knew he had to have you.

In order to get you alone & helpless, He'll start spreading false rumors of your parentage, Just to swoop in and shoo those pesky campers away. See? He's such a good boyfriend ! Why won't you look at him?

He'll even get you into some weaving classes, After all a sword is way too dangerous for someone like you. Don't worry about it! He knows what's best for you !

Luke will gladly take his time in wooing you. Slowly implanting little seeds in that cute little head of yours, Whispering things underneath his breath, Increasing physical contact, Even sending you gifts.

The last encounter he had with his father was a scar that will never heal, and a reminder that the gods see him and his siblings as nothing but cattle awaiting the slaughter.

Underestimated, Undermined, Luke always feels he has to go the extra mile prove himself. He thinks that in the eyes of his father he's worthless but in yours he has a purpose, He's a hero.

He'll do anything to keep up that facade, As he only wishes for you to see him in a glorified light. Isn't that what demigods fight for?? Glory,? It only makes sense that you'd love him too !

But truth is, Although he may sustain his benevolent friendly facade, He sees other's as emerging rivals. Whether it be in 'love' or Competition, He views them as competition.

All his life he'd felt powerless & helpless to the evils that robbed him of his childhood. Like his life wasn't his own, How he was always at the mercy of others whether it be the fates, monsters, or the gods themselves. He's never felt real control.

But at camp he feels like he has some control, some authority of his own. And not just of his own life but of other's too. He's finally at the other end of the stick.

Luke loves the power he has over the camp, how the girls & boys of Aphrodite cabin silently fawn at the slightest glance of his figure.

How his stare alone can send clarisse and her cabin trudging to the steps of their cabin like wet dogs. The power excites him.

But your arrival was different. He would've thought it'd be enough to constantly receive the admiration from camp but he desires more from you.

Luke doesn't just want you to favor him, He wants you to obey him. To hang on his every word. He wants you to worship him, To give him the adoration he would never receive from his bastard father.

This is where it gets dangerous. Once the Luke you knew to be a sweet and protective head counselor, He starts becoming a lot more domineering and unreasonably aggressive. And whenever you asks about, He slips back into his loving demeanor and reassures you softly that everything's alright, You're just seeing things that's all!

But you could've sworn you saw him scowling at your friends. Maybe you were just going crazy, it'd be the only reasonable explanation right? Who'd believe you if you said you heard Luke castellan speaking with another voice, right?

For your own safety, You stay quiet. You abide him and start slipping on a facade of your own. Just play along and you will be fine...

He's your hero, your knight in golden armor, Depend on him and solely on him why would you need anybody else?? Love him and only him, and just maybe your cabin mates will be safe. (Not)

#🏷️#tw yandere #yandere pjo #yandere headcanon #yandere percy jackson #male yandere #yandere #luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x you #percy jackson headcanon #percy jackson hc #tw dark content #x gn reader #gn reader #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson

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room-surprise · 2 months

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Analysis of Laios and how he hugs/interacts with people, pre and post-manga.

Reading body language in real life is basically pseudo-science most of the time, however, these aren't candid photographs of real people I'm analyzing, they are drawings purposefully made by Ryoko Kui to tell us something about Laios and his relationships with other characters.

These illustrations are designed on purpose to communicate information. So what do I think they say?

Here's the illustration of how things are at the start of the manga:

NAMARI AND CHILCHUCK

They're both rough towards Laios, expressing displeasure with him, using violent physical touch to get his attention or punish him for something.

TOSHIRO

His reaction to Laios is totally passive. He isn't turned towards Laios, but he isn't turning away either. He's staring up into space with a look of discomfort, suggesting he wishes Laios would leave him alone... But that he is too polite to openly reject him.

We know this is partially a cultural issue: because Toshiro is Japanese, he considers it catastrophically rude to tell someone "no" in a blunt way. He is trying to communicate his discomfort and disinterest to Laios, but Laios isn't understanding Toshiro's signals.

Meanwhile, Laios is turning his whole body towards Toshiro, his eyes are wide open, he's smiling. He's very eager to interact, in a way that he isn't with any other character on this page except Falin.

MARCILLE

They are having a neutral interaction. Neither of them seems excited or interested in each other, but they are talking seriously. Marcille is gesturing at Laios in a way that seems scolding, they are standing at a polite distance, and Laios is standing at his full height, perhaps even leaning/straining away from Marcille slightly. There is a physical object (Marcille's staff) acting as a barrier, and it's physically pushing Laios away from her.

But it is worth noting that he has his hand on the staff, suggesting that he's not letting himself be pushed away any further, that he's having a reciprocal interaction with Marcille, not a passive one where he just stands there and gets lectured. Laios is participating and engaged.

FALIN AND SENSHI

The only people having unambiguously positive interactions with Laios on this page, which makes sense since they are the two people who are the most friendly towards him at the start of the manga.

Laios and Falin are touching hands, smiling and their bodies are turned towards each other, showing enthusiasm and a mutual interest. This is less intense than the hug in the post-manga illustrations, which maybe suggests that there's something distant and unresolved between them here, like resentment and guilt.

Laios and Senshi are closer to each other than Laios and Marcille. Laios is sitting or crouched down to get closer to Senshi's height, and they are both smiling and turned towards each other. Senshi may even be laughing!

Here's the "post-manga" image...

What a huge difference!

All of these interactions are basically positive, so I'll just go left to right, top to bottom. Also for some of these, we can't see Laios' friends full reactions, so I'll focus on what we can see, and how Laios is behaving.

SENSHI

They share a gentle hug. They both have their arms wrapped around each other, so the desire to touch is mutual. Laios bends to reach Senshi, and has a calm, content smile on his face while they hug. Laios rests his head on top of Senshi's head, showing trust and intimacy and a desire to be physically even closer to Senshi than just hugging. Senshi isn't pulling away, so I think that's a good indicator that he doesn't mind it, and possibly even likes it!

Which is a big change from how he felt violated by Laios touching his chest earlier in the manga, even though Laios was trying to heal him... I think Senshi isn't someone that easily lets others touch him, so this is a big improvement.

CHILCHUCK

The size difference makes this hug awkward, but that's not the only reason! Laios has both hands on Chilchuck and he is bending down in order to reach him, suggesting that he wants to embrace his friend, however Chilchuck is not straining to reach Laios, and he is only using one hand to touch him, suggesting that Chilchuck doesn't want to embrace too closely. Chilchuck is willing to allow a hug, and he is willing to touch Laios back, but he doesn't want it as much as Laios does.

I think Laios is aware of this, because he isn't trying to push the hug to a higher level of intensity. He's holding back to the level he thinks Chilchuck is comfortable with.

MARCILLE

They share a happy, but not overly intimate hug. Their chests and bodies are pressed together, but they are turning their heads away from each other.

Laios' hands are resting side by side on Marcille's back, and it seems like she is hugging him back in a similarly loose way. His arms are not overlapping, and they aren't squeezing or grabbing each other, just holding on lightly while pressing their chests together.

TOSHIRO

What a fascinating set of drawings!

I'm going to assume that the color drawing is what happens first, and the black and white line drawing is what happens afterwards, solely because if the black and white drawing is meant to just be Laios' fantasy of hugging Toshiro, then surely he would imagine Toshiro hugging him back enthusiastically, and not a more passive reaction like Kui drew.

Kui wrote a note here to remind readers that hugging is not considered normal in "the East", where Toshiro is from, to give context to why the character seems so uncomfortable.

Laios is approaching Toshiro at high speed, arms open and reaching for Toshiro, eyes wide, with a happy expression. He clearly wants to wrap Toshiro up in a big, enthusiastic hug.

Toshiro is sweating with discomfort, and he has a hand pressed against Laios' chest, attempting to stop him… However, the arm is not extended and his elbow is bent at an acute angle, and it looks as if no force is being applied. Toshiro perhaps feels a need to offer a token protest, but he isn't really trying to stop Laios.

In the black and white hug drawing, Laios has both arms wrapped tight around Toshiro, much tighter than Senshi, Chilchuck or Marcille, and he's pressing their bodies together and resting his head on Toshiro's shoulder. He's turning his face towards Toshiro's neck, and smiling serenely.

Toshiro's body is stiff, he's sweating, and his arm is held at a rigid 90 degree angle… But he isn't using it to push Laios away, just holding it uselessly at his side. Perhaps he is half-way towards returning the hug, thinking about lifting his arm a little higher and resting his hand on Laios' back, but he isn't sure if he wants to do that yet.

Toshiro is bending his body towards Laios, and allowing himself to be pressed against the other man. He's staring out into space with a neutral expression that suggests either discomfort or surprise. I think we're meant to understand that he has given up fighting against the foreign, offensive hug, realizing that it isn't offensive for Laios, and therefore it might be okay to allow it...and it might actually be more offensive if he rejected the hug.

FALIN

Falin has thrown herself at Laios with considerable force, and Laios has his arms overlapping across Falin's back. They are both squeezing each other tightly with their arms, and even Laios' hands are gripping Falin tightly. There is an overjoyed look on Laios' face, and I think this embrace shows how Laios has healed through the course of the story.

KABRU

Since Kabru is one of Laios' newest friends, it makes sense that the hug would be the least intimate.

The two of them have a complicated relationship in the manga, but the complete world bible shows that Laios has finally accepted that Kabru is genuinely his friend and not just trying to use or manipulate him. He's made an effort in the post-canon to reach out and try to be Kabru's friend in return, and Kabru has forgiven Laios for not listening to him in the past.

Kabru is turning his body away from Laios, which puts his shoulder towards Laios' shoulder at a perpendicular angle, forcing distance between them. Laios is fully facing Kabru, and has one arm behind his back, a hand resting on Kabru's shoulder, and another hand resting on his chest. The hand on the chest is attached to an arm that is bent at an obtuse angle, holding Kabru at a distance, with no indication that he is trying to pull Kabru in. Both hands are relaxed, like in the Marcille hug, indicating that Laios' grasp is loose.

This arm position is pretty unusual for an embrace. It allows Laios to keep Kabru at a distance where he can see him, and control where he moves, and how close he's able to get to Laios… and Kabru isn't returning the hug in any way, instead allowing himself to be touched and held in place.

Their bodies aren't pressed together, and Kabru's arm is down at his side, neither encouraging Laios nor pushing him away.

Laios has a big smile on his face, and he looks enthusiastic. Kabru on the other hand has a calm smile. In my opinion his expression is less enthusiastic than Marcille's.

I think Laios can't tell how Kabru feels about the hug, and so he's holding himself back. He's not blinded by emotion like he is with Toshiro, so he's not flinging himself at Kabru… And because Kabru is such a new friend, Laios is also probably hesitant to get too close to him.

There may also be some lingering trust issues, if Laios still isn't completely certain if Kabru genuinely likes him or not. Laios has often had trouble telling if people really like him, or if they are just being polite (Toshiro), or using him (former party members), so it makes sense that it would take awhile for him and Kabru to become truly comfortable with each other..

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #kabru #laios touden #falin touden #marcille donato #senshi of izganda #chilchuck tims #toshiro nakamoto #shuro dungeon meshi #theories #my stuff

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wintersoldiersoul · 6 months

Text

I should hate you

A/N: So this is kind of unintentionally becoming a series??? I'll prob make one more part to this if you guys want it! Part 2 to Tolerate It

Another night of sleep escaping you. Tossing and turning in your bed once again, as you replayed the conversation you had with Bucky, two weeks ago.

You had seen the pain in his eyes that day. The way that he hated himself for what he had done, but he had truly believed that it was what was best.

You were proud of yourself for how you had reacted. It would have been so easy to fall back under his spell, to instantly forgive him and just run back into his arms. But as badly as you wanted that, you knew you couldn’t. For your own sake, you needed time.

What if it happened again? What if on another mission something went wrong and Bucky did the same thing? You couldn’t put yourself through that again. His actions had made you hate yourself. Even now, when you knew the truth there was still a little voice in the back of your head saying that it was all your fault. You wondered how Bucky could ever say those things to you, real or not. You didn’t understand how he could put you through so much pain, even if he truly believed it was for your own good. You couldn’t just take him back so easily. But you also couldn’t hate him.

To his credit, Bucky gave you space. He didn’t text or call or bombard you whenever you were in each other’s presence at the tower. He knew you well enough to know that you would come to him when you were ready.

There was one part of the conversation though, that weighed heavily on your mind. “A week before that mission, you were browsing engagement rings,” Steve had said to Bucky. Was that true? Was Bucky really planning on proposing to you? It felt like that life, the one you had built with him, existed on a completely different timeline than your current one.

You had been staying in your bedroom at the tower for the past week. Being in the apartment you used to share with Bucky hurt too much. You were too overwhelmed with pain that you couldn’t think clearly about what to do. Plus, Bucky was on a mission so you knew he wouldn’t be around for a few days at least.

Giving up on sleep and in need of a late night snack, you headed to the kitchen. As you opened the cabinet, you spotted a box of pancake mix sitting front and center. Your mind was immediately flooded with images of Bucky cooking in your kitchen. He made you pancakes every saturday, always making it a point for the two of you to sit and have breakfast together and catch up after your insanely busy weeks.

The memories broke you. God, you missed him so much. The pain was physical, a constant tightness in your chest preventing you from breathing. You couldn’t control the sob that escaped as your knees gave out and you crumbled to the floor of the kitchen. You had gotten used to crying alone.

Time didn’t exist as you sobbed, arms wrapped around yourself. You didn’t know if it had been 3 minutes or 3 hours when the elevator opened. You didn’t even hear it. You didn’t register Bucky’s footsteps as he approached you, still in his suit from the mission he had just returned from. You didn’t even know he was there until you felt his arms around you. How ironic that the man comforting you was the reason you were crying in the first place.

He wanted to give you space but he couldn’t do it anymore. Not when you were broken and alone on the kitchen floor at 4 in the morning.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered, stroking your hair. You didn’t fight him off. Didn’t tell him to leave. Just for a minute you needed to let yourself be weak. His own tears started to fall as he held you. He hated that he had caused you so much pain. That the broken state you were in was his fault. “Y/N, look at me. Please.”

You shook your head. “No. I can’t,” you answered, fighting for breath in between your sobs.

He sighed, trying to curb his tears. “I know you hate me,”

“Hate you?” You interrupted. “I wish I hated you! I should hate you! I wish more than anything in the entire world that I only felt anger towards you. I would do anything to hate you!” You finally found the strength to look in his eyes. They were so full of pain and longing.

“Can I make you some tea? C-can we just sit together for a little bit? It doesn’t have to mean anything but just,” he ran his hands through his hair. “Please. Just for a little bit.”

He was right. You could let him comfort you for a bit. Sit with him and enjoy the presence of the man you missed so dearly. Just for a little. “Okay.”

A few minutes later, you were sitting on the couch with a blanket draped over your shoulders and a mug of tea in your hands. “I don’t know what to say to you, Bucky.”

He sat down next to you, careful to not get too close. He wanted to respect your boundaries. “I know. I have a lot to say to you but I don’t know if you wanna hear it.”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to work up the courage to ask your question. “Were you planning on proposing to me? Was that true, when Steve said you were looking at rings?”

“Yes.”

The word punched the air out of your lungs. If only things had gone differently. If those fucking words hasn’t been used. If Bucky had just talked to you, the two of you would have been happily engaged right now. You would be planning your wedding, elbows deep in binders of wedding venues and colors and themes.

“I still want to marry you. More than anything in the entire world,” he continued.

“Then why did you ruin it?” You snapped.”Everything that’s happening right now is your fault. I thought it was mine. I convinced myself it was my fault. But it’s not. I gave you everything, Bucky! Everything I could possibly give you. And you made me feel like it wasn’t enough. That I wasn’t enough.”

“I know,” he said, wiping his eyes. “I know.”

“But I can’t hate you!” You continued. “How am I supposed to hate you when you did that to protect me?”

“Y/N, can I show you something?” He reached into his bag and pulled out a brown leather notebook. “You don’t have to talk to me right now. But please, please just read this.” He opened to a specific page and handed you the notebook.

Your heart stopped as your eyes scanned the page. It was a letter. He had written you a letter.

“Y/N,

I hate myself for what I have to do. I hate myself for a lot of the things i’ve done but this is easily the worst. Hurting you is worse than being tortured by Hydra. I wish I could be different. I wish our lives were different. I wish that we had met in a bar like two normal people and lived a normal life free of violence. I wish that Hydra hadn’t been there that day. I wish I had been just a little stronger and that those words hadn’t triggered the Winter Soldier. And I wish, more than anything, that I wasn’t a danger to you.

You deserve so much better. So much more than what I can ever give me. You should be with someone who’s life is free from trauma, who can shower you with the love you deserve constantly and most importantly, someone who doesn’t have the possibly to lose control and hurt you.

You are a beacon of light, Y/N. The most beautiful, kindest, intelligent person I have ever known. I am in awe of you every single day. I see the way that you’re still trying. How you want to be there for me through this. I wish you didn’t. I can’t do it. I can’t say goodbye to you. I need you to do it, okay? Because if I have to, it will break me. I hate hearing you cry like you are right now as I write this. You’re so much better than me. Please, don’t waste your tears on me.

I hope one day you’ll understand. I hope you know this isn’t your fault. I hope you know that I still love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop, even on my death bed I’ll still be thinking of you.

You are an angel, Y/N. Don’t let me ruin your light.”

The page was stained with your tears when you had finished reading. Reading his words that he had written in real time hurt so much. God, you just wanted to forgive him.

“Bucky…” you looked up at him. “I’m so scared. What if this happens again? I can’t deal with that. I can’t make it if you abandon me again.”

He grabbed your hands and looked directly into your eyes. “I will never abandon you again. Never.”

“I don’t know what to do,” you didn’t know if you were talking to him or yourself.

“Let me hold you,” he whispered. “Please. Just for tonight.”

You nodded. He wrapped his arms around you tightly for the second time that night. The two of you stayed like that the whole night, falling asleep against each others bodies.

The next morning you slipped out of his arms before he was awake. That was a mistake, you tried to tell yourself. But it didn’t feel like a mistake. It felt right.

You tried to avoid Bucky any time he was at the tower. He still wanted to give you space but he also just wanted to show you how much he loved you. And so every day there would be a little gift on your bed. A box of chocolate from the place that you had mentioned once was your favorite, that pair of shoes that you had said months ago that you liked, Of course he knew he wouldn’t make up for all of the hurt he had caused with material things but he just wanted to show you that he cared. That he paid attention and took note of everything you said and did.

He had a lot to make up for. A lot to pain to mend. But you missed him so much. So that day, when you ran into him in the living room, you threw him a bone.

“Dinner tonight. Just us. You can pick where.”

So that’s how you ended up sitting across fr Bucky. He had chosen your favorite restaurant in the city, of course. Anything to make you happy. He just couldn’t believe that you were actually here, sitting with him.

“I know I keep saying it but I’m sorry,” he said when you first sat down.

“No,” you stopped him. “None of that tonight, okay? Tonight I just wanna enjoy time with you. I’m not saying I forgive you and that we’re back together but I can’t ever get there if we can’t just be us.” You knew you couldn’t do this forever. Just stay in this inbetween of being mad but wanting him so badly. You’d never be able to let him go, you knew that. So you decided to just start slow. A normal dinner where the two of you could just talk like you used to.

Four glasses of wine later, you were having a great time. It was like the past few months had never even happened. Of course the alcohol had helped you along the way but mostly, you had just missed him so much.

The two of you continued to go to dinner together once a week but you had a rule. No kissing. Not yet. It felt like you had to rebuild your relationship from the ground up.

You were happier than you had been in so long. Bucky continued to show you how much he cared about you but it didn’t feel like he was trying to play a game with you as the prize. It genuinely felt like he just wanted to spend time with you in any capacity that you would allow.

Things were good. Until you got the call from Steve. An emergency mission. There wasn’t even time for you to all prep. He explained to you what was happening on the jet.

It was a hard fight, each enemy stronger than the last. Your body was so filled with adrenaline that it took a second for you to realize where all of the blood dripping onto the ground was coming from. It was coming from your body. The bullet that had just found it’s way into your body.

You dropped to your knees, the world around you alredy growing blurry. You were losing a lot of blood and fast.

“Y/N!” Bucky ran faster than you’d ever seen. “Oh my god, Y/N! We need to get you to the jet right now. We can help you there, okay?” He spoke frantically.

“B-Bucky,” you gasped for air. “J-just hold my hand, okay?” You felt so tired. You just wanted to close your eyes.

“No. No keep your eyes open baby, okay? Keep them on me.” He grabbed your body off the ground and started to take you to the jet where Bruce was waiting to help out anyone who got injured.

“I… love…you,” you spoke slowly. Your time was running out. “T-tell me you love me.”

Bucky shook his head. “I’ll tell you when we’re at home, okay? I’m gonna tell you the second we get out of here.” Of course he loved you. But he couldn’t say it here. If he said it right here right now, it felt like he was accepting that you were about to die out on the field.

“P-please,” you begged, fighting harder and harder to not let your eyes close.

“You’re gonna be okay. And you and me, we’re gonna have an amazing life okay? We’re not gonna waste time anymore. No more wasting time. We’re gonna have a beautiful wedding. We’re gonna adopt a bunch of cats just like you’ve always wanted. And we’re gonna travel the world together. That life is gonna be ours so you have to stay alive, okay?”

You weakly nodded. You had to fight for that life. He was right. You had wasted so much time. You saw the jet in the distance. If you could just make it, you could get help. That life he had described could be yours.

“Never forget I love you,” you whispered weakly before the urge to close your eyes grew impossible to resist.

Tagging people who wanted part 2: @sarah1barnes @my-obsession-spn @lets--be-honest @chloeannastarlight @missvelvetsstuff @sunset90 @diannana @thatmarvelloser @alana-32 @dyingsinglecuzimfangirl @jamesbuckybarnes1917

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grievedeeply · 1 year

Note

hellooo i saw that u write for aib. is it okay if i request something x reader for banda? (or chishiya, ur choice) where theyre are like cuddling while sleeping and reading justs wraps their leg around his body HAHA just straight up using him as a body pillow unknowingly loll😆 have a great day!

decided to just expand on this and make some cuddling headcanons. obviously the scenario you requested is included, but i couldn't help my mind :")

gn!reader | no tws | join my taglist !! | tags: @hawkins-hs

cuddling with chishiya and banda headcanons

chishiya shuntaro

he's not really big on affection in public.. but when he's in private, and in the mood for it, he'd 100% okay with cuddling with you

in a way, it helps to ground him. it keeps him with you, not in his head. he thinks a lot— and his mind does tend to wander— so having you around to hold is something that helps him

chishiya doesn't mind the position you take when cuddling. as long as he gets to be close to you, it's not a problem for him

though.. he does really like when you put your head on his chest. he'll have his arm wrapped around your shoulders, his hand rubbing calming circles into your arm. it's peaceful

you can hear his heartbeat when you lay that way. it reminds you that he's real and in front of you

he doesn't mind being the little spoon. he has to be in a certain mood for it though, so it's a good thing you're as close as you are, because he hates admitting he wants to cuddle verbally

you almost always have to initiate affection like that. he has to be really desperate to actually start cuddling with you even behind closed doors

you'll be sleeping, wrapping your leg around his body and you'll be unintentionally using him as a body pillow. it definitely happens a few times and he learns not to care

though the first time it happened, it felt really uncomfortable. not because of what you were doing, but because of the position he was laying in

though, he didn't move you. not right away, at least. eventually his arm fell asleep and he had to move to wake it up, but he'll wake you really gently as he does so

he's so comforting.. and knowing that he'll protect you in any way he can makes it easier to fall asleep in his arms

falling asleep cuddling becomes a more common occurrence as your relationship goes on, and as he gets more comfortable with it he'll be more willing to initiate it

it's not like he's shy by any means, he just hates admitting when he needs something. it makes him feel strange, and he hates feeling that way

sometimes he'll put his head on your chest for the same reasons you do with him. your heartbeat.. your breathing. all very calming to someone with a mind like his

he's very sweet. doesn't wake you up unless absolutely necessary

you fall asleep cuddling a lot, and he thinks it's really cute <3

also he definitely kisses your forehead if he can reach it when he cuddles you. he loves seeing you get flustered by it

banda sunato

he loves to cuddle!

he acts similarly to chishiya at first, and it takes him some time to warm up to the idea of physical affection in the way you want..

but the first time you wrap him up in your arms and just hold him there.. he falls in love with it

he feels safe with you, and he can only hope you feel the same with him. it's a good feeling, something he wishes to feel all the time

and he tries to. he always wants to hold you in his arms whenever he gets the chance, and he thinks it's really intimate to touch you in such a soft way

cuddling facing each other is something he really loves. it gives him the opportunity to just look at you. he gets to stare into your eyes and at your lips, occasionally kissing at your forehead whenever he feels like it

he likes watching your expressions, too. it helps him read people— even people other than you just by watching yours

you'll wrap your leg around him and use him as a pillow. he doesn't care. no matter how uncomfortable the position he's in, he'll refuse to move you

he feels so.. different with you. you trust him, and he hasn't had anyone trust him in the way you do in a long time. he'd be a fool to let that trust break

holding hands while cuddling.. something so simple but so sweet in his eyes. it helps him remember that you're really someone that loves and cares for him, because he needs that reminder sometimes

he comes up with the weirdest positions to cuddle in but somehow they're all so nice. sometimes he'll put his head on top of your stomach or something and cuddle with you that way

doesn't matter to him how you lay. as long as he gets to touch you, it's not a problem in his eyes

for someone with such a tough exterior, he's very big on cuddling. it's sweet to see how much he changes because of you

the impact you have on him is soooo massive. cuddling is something he probably never would've been comfortable with before meeting you

falling asleep in his arms??? he knows you trust him but he never thought that much. it flatters him. he wouldn't ever do anything to put you in harms way

he promises to you that he'll protect you. even though you don't hear it :")

#alice in borderland x reader #aib x reader #aib x you #alice in borderland x reader headcanons #alice in borderland #aib #alice in borderland x you #chishiya shuntaro x reader #banda sunato x reader #sunato banda x reader #sunato banda #banda sunato #chishiya shuntaro #shuntaro chishiya #chishiya x reader

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bountycancelled · 5 months

Text

LOST CAUSE

bada x reader (part 4)

PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT

warnings: none I believe (besides subpar writing because I'm burnt out)

content: mentions of sex (but no one's actually fucking) sad gays, but some happy gays too, bada being hypothetically, reader lowkey slaying???

lusher wished that you could see yourself the way she sees you.

sure, it was cliché, but that didn't mean that she didn't believe it. you were much better than you gave yourself credit for, better than the things you put yourself through just to call bada a friend.

"what?"

lusher blinked rapidly, her heartbeat matching the pace set by her eyelashes. you had caught her staring, again. she scrambled for something, anything to say. something to diffuse this strange tension that she had caused. "I just... you look good."

real smooth lusher, you're a certified flirting expert.

you simply let out an airy laugh, waving away the compliment with your hand. "I'm literally wearing your shirt, narcissistic much?"

lusher sputtered, shaking her hands rapidly as she tried explain herself to you. "I'm kidding lusher! you're always so on edge around me, i swear."

lusher laughed with you, hoping that you didn't catch the look in her eyes that confirmed what you had just said. on edge, not exactly the term that she would use to describe how she felt around you. about you.

maybe giddy? nervous? wanting to impress? she wasn't sure, and right now, with you in her apartment instead of in badas' like you always were she wasn't worried about anything but you.

"it's actually because... im in love with you, and I always have been." lusher stated in an overdramatised manner, her hand on her chest.

"get in line." you replied back, giggling at her mock confession. lusher joined in on your laughing, ending it with a sigh. it felt so strange to say those words out loud to you, even though you didn't believe them to be true.

it was cathartic, in a weird way. she got the relief of confessing, but without the consequences. this had to some kidn of self sabotage, but she didn't mind it, anything to hear your laugh.

your moment together was interrupted when you checked your phone momentarily, only to be met by a flood of messages and missed calls. all from bada.

you let out a sigh, realising that your absence had probably worried her. you started typing a response, assuring her that you were okay at lushers, when the woman in question entered through lusher's front door.

"I have no idea where she is, lusher. she wasn't at my place, so I went to hers and nothing. I'm starting to thin- oh." she paused her rant mid way through when she saw you, obviously surprised that you were here.

she rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, her lips pressed into a thin line. "... can we talk?"

you looked at her, before turning your gaze back to lusher, silently asking if you could go speak with bada privately. she was disappointed, you could tell. hell, anyone with eyes could tell that she didn't want you to go, not now, not for bada.

nevertheless, she nodded, trying and failing to hide her displeased expression.

"I went back to my place looking for you, I didn't know you were at lushers." bada was the first to speak once you both entered her car, facing forward with her hands on the steering wheel out of habit. her tone was... strange. for lack of a better word. there was some semblance of anger, you think? you couldn't place it, and that just made it all the more confusing.

"I was." your reply was curt. to the point. no cushioning bada from your anger, no more fake smiles and laughs, just you and how your real feelings being expressed to her fully.

she physically flinched just a bit at your coldness, but it was almost refreshing. like a run early in the morning, or the blazing, bitter first sip of coffee when all you want to do is go back to bed. a wake up call.

another awkward silence stretched over the car, with only the feint song on the radio and the nervous drumming of bada's fingers on the steering wheel to break the uncomfortable quiet.

"I'm sorry." bada said softly, effectively breaking the silence. "for not taking as much care of our friendship as you were. i know it may not seem like it because of my actions, but you are my whole world, and when I showed up to my apartment and you weren't there anymore I–"

was she crying? you didn't know, you weren't looking at her, you couldn't bear the sadness in her voice. you simply faced forward, letting her say her piece.

"I realised that losing you would be the end of my life as I know it, and I know that it's shitty of me to only realise it when you have one foot out the door but I hope that you... will allow me to prove or redeem myself to you or... just please. please, give me a chance."

you took it all in, her words. they seemed... sincere, and you wanted so desperately to immediately put a smile on your face, jokingly mock her for being so dramatic and assure her that you weren't going anywhere.

but, you didn't.

you nodded, turning to face her so that you could acknowledge her apology verbally. "you're my best friend, bada. I haven't given up on you." those words, however curt they were, lifted the heavy weight on her shoulders instantaneously.

she was relieved that she hadn't lost you yet, and she was going to do everything in her power to ensure that it wouldn't come to that.

she wrapped her arms around you from where she sat in the drivers seat, squeezing you tightly, as if she was afraid that you would disappear. she let you go, wearing a giddy expression on her face. "you are too good for me, my love. okay, okay, what do you wanna do now? we could go to the arcade and as a treat I'll finally let you beat me at that stupid dancing game."

you grimaced, feeling a lump from in your throat. "although I'd absolutely love to‐" bada's heart sank into her stomach. she knew she wasn't going to be forgiven immediately, but knowing didn't make your rejection any less heartbreaking.

"-but lusher actually wanted to have a game night kinda thing, and I couldn't ditch her in good conscious. it would be a little hypothetical of me. but, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" you concluded, already opening the passenger door.

as you walked back to lusher's front door, you couldn't help but feel a little proud of yourself. usually, you would've jumped at the opportunity to even be in bada's presence, cherishing every speck of attention she'd give you.

but as you walked back into her apartment, the look on lusher's face made any doubts about your decision to stay vanish in her eyes.

"I thought you were gonna leave with bada." lusher spoke, unable to hide the smile creeping on her face. you had chosen her. by some miracle, you'd chosen her.

"and miss our impromptu game night? not a chance. now, prepare to lose at every game we play." you smiled back, feeling a small amount of guilt at leaving bada, but not enough to sour being with lusher.

☆

so this was what it was like.

to be rejected in favour of someone else.

bada could now understand your qualms perfectly, and the feeling she was experiencing left her wondering why you had even given her another chance.

it was a special kind of rejection, made up of a range of emotions. she was angry, not at you but rather, at herself. how many times had you felt this way because of her?

she was jealous. of lusher, she wanted to be the one that you were spending the night, she wanted to do game night with you. she wanted you to be in her shirt, not lushers. not anyone else's.

god, that fucking shirt. if she ever got her hands on it, she would burn it, or shred it, because maybe if it were destroyed, bada could live the rest of her days pretending that you had never put on your body in the first place.

did you let lusher see you out of the shirt as you were changing? were you going to let her take it off of you at the end of the night? were you and lusher a thing?

she couldn't stomach the thought. of you, sweet, gorgeous, sexy you being touched by someone else. the thought of your back arching, your mouth falling open, sweet noises escaping from between your lips because of lusher.

the thought ate her up from the inside as the hours of the night turned to morning. she had no reason to be so opposed to you receiving pleasure, lusher wasn't a bad person by any means, she would treat you well.

but bada could treat you even better, she was sure of it. she had spent years with you, and she was confident that she knew your body better than anyone else, even though you had never slept together.

bada stared at her phone. the time read 2:47 am. no new messages from you.

having thoughts about sleeping with her best friend was not something that bada had expected to do. maybe it was sleep deprivation making her delirious or something, maybe this was her brains attempt at conceptualising just why she felt so abrasive when confronted either the thought of you with someone else.

or maybe... this was the beginning of the eventual self reflection that bada would have to do to conceptualise how she felt about you.

whatever it was, she needed to sleep. she needed to sleep to forget that you were mostly likely, too busy with lusher to even remember her.

wow, she was such a hypocrite.

a/n: who are you guys rooting for? do you think there's still hope for bada and reader?

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #bada lee fanfiction #bada #bada x reader #bada x oc #bada lee fluff #bada lee fanfic #bada lee fic #bada lee x y/n #swf2 x reader #smau masterlist #smau #lusher x reader #lusher

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cryptid-ghoulette · 5 days

Text

Trouble Maker

More Phantom brain rot? (its more likely that you'd think, especially when @sister-nyx is involved)

Heres some fluffy phantom being a nuisance. WC 680 Implied spice at the end, but no real warnings, its fluffy as heck.

It wasn't uncommon for quint ghouls to have health issues; something about the way they're created can lead to omplications with their new vessels. In the pit, they don't have a physical form, and it's hard for their new bodies to contain the powerful magic they possess. Most of the time, it's little things like eyesight or hearing issues, but sometimes it can be more serious, like missing or malformed limbs.

When Phantom was summoned alongside multi-ghoul Aurora, all seemed to be going as planned. Sure, there were a few teething issues, but nothing they wouldn't adjust to with time. After all, it must be strange suddenly having a physical form (so many moving parts!). He settled well into the pack, the others all loving him and his childlike wonder, even if they had to answer what felt like a million questions a day.

Not long into the first tour though, the pack noticed he seemed to be having trouble with his hearing. It was just small things at first, like when they were all gathered backstage. Copia often had to repeat himself several times before getting a reply, with Mountain having to gently nudge his shoulder to get his attention.

It all came to a boiling point one night when they were all gathered in the kitchen after a particularly stressful rehearsal, each slumped on various chairs and benches. Dew was trying to get Phantom's attention, who was staring off into space, completely oblivious to Dew (and seemingly everyone else). Finally, he turned when Dew shouted his name, the anger in his words catching him off guard. Dew pulled him into the hall, Phantom confused about what he'd done to anger the fire ghoul so much.

"Did I do something wrong, Dew?" Dew sighed, considering his words, trying to make them come out without too much venom. "Listen, bug, I think we all just need to have a chat about what's going on with you lately. You seem even more of a space cadet than usual." He gave a half-hearted chuckle at the end, trying to lighten the mood seeing the rising concern on Phantom's face. He wrapped one arm around the little quint. "It's okay, let's go and talk to the others; we're all just. worried about you," guiding them back into the kitchen.

The pack all agreed that these incidents were becoming more frequent, and they were getting increasingly concerned (and their patience was admittedly wearing thin), so they figured they'd best take him to get checked, worried he might have some kind of hearing issue, or something else they weren't even aware of. Phantom didn't really understand what the issue was, but he agreed to go see Aether if it made the others feel better.

After waiting in the hall for what felt like forever, Aether emerged from the infirmary, the small ghoul beside him, and a smug grin on his face. "I've got good news and bad news," he said rather matter-of-factly. "The good news is he doesn't appear to have any hearing loss; in fact, he has above-average hearing for a ghoul of his element."

"So, then what's the bad news?" Mountain softly inquired, concern growing in his voice. The others began whispering between themselves, hushed tones, clearly also visibly confused.

“Well, the bad news is, it would appear that without any medical cause for his hearing troubles, our newest quintessence ghoul is just being mischievous," Aether chuckled, tousling the small ghoul's hair and gently nudging him back to his pack. "That part, you'll have to figure out on your own. There's no medicine for that as far as I'm aware."

The ghouls all turned to look at Phantom, a deep blush spreading across his face, staring at the ground and silently wishing it would swallow him whole. However, his shame spiral was interrupted when Mountain stepped forward and swiftly picked him up, tossing him effortlessly over one shoulder, simply saying, "I can think of a few ways to fix that." The others erupted into laughter, the smaller ghoul happily kicking his legs behind him as they disappeared down the hallway toward the bedroom.

#phantom is a little shit #and im obsessed #so strap in cause theres going to be more #the band ghost #ghost bc #phantom ghoul #shitghosting #cryptidrambling #my fics

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slashers-and-rats · 6 months

Note

I’m gnawing at the bone for any kind of Brahms Heelshire x Reader content 🙏🏼🙏🏼

-🔪🩸

rat chat: first off, excited for my first ever tagged anon. v cool. secondly, i hope this satiates your needs.

brahms heelshire x gn!reader | nsfw |

brahms wasn’t a social man, if that wasn’t obvious. even after he had revealed himself to you, and you had accepted him with open arms, he found himself struggling to be in your presence all the time. there wasn’t any doubt he liked you, that wasn’t the case. he was comparable to a cat. he curled up on your lap, and pestered you for pats and scratches, and when he was finished, he’d disappear for hours on end with little regard for your own needs. it was something he was working on. consideration didn’t come naturally to him, especially after so much of his life was spent worrying about how he would survive and nothing else.

that’s not to say brahms didn’t want you around. he desperately craved you, just in different ways. while he felt anxious being around you physically, he kept himself close to you within the safety of his walls. anywhere you were, he was there too, just stowed away within his passages.

he enjoyed keeping an eye on you, and observing the way you went about your business. you were an alien to him, a new species, and he was your observer. you kept to a tight schedule, and he memorized your routine down to the last detail.

he also had a small habit of stealing your things. to him, these were specimens; they were little items for him to study and examine to understand you better. he liked nabbing things you wouldn’t miss. sometimes it was pieces of jewelry you never used, sometimes it was books he’d seen you finish, sometimes it was even the cutlery you had used and put away for cleaning. he added it all to his hoard. if you had seen it, he was sure you’d think it a shrine, but it wasn’t as simple as that. it was a nest. being so close to these things you had interacted with made him feel warm inside, comfortable, and he liked laying among them as if to pretend you were there too.

brahms had a habit of getting carried away, though. during the night, when he had no real reason to watch you for more than an hour or two, he’d crawl back to his little sanctuary and lay among his collection. he’d stare up at the ceiling, and grab his most prized possession. it was a pair of your underwear, taken off the floor of the bathroom during one of your showers. he was sure you would’ve noticed, but you had been tired that day, and didn’t check your clothes before throwing them into the hamper.

they smelled of you. they smelled of sin, and of naughty thoughts, and of dark desires. when he rubbed them against his face, and breathed your scent in deep, he’d feel dirty but alive. there was something about the shame of it all, about how if you saw him you’d be disappointed, that made it all the more delicious. those moments when you chastised him for something bad he did were his favourite, because it meant you were giving him your full attention. that’s all he really wanted, to be seen by you. he wished it didn’t involve so much… physical presence.

this was good enough for him. these little moments, when he would yank his pants down his hips and reach his hand down, and pretend it was yours; when he’d grip hard at his base, and stroke up and down slowly, and pretend you were sitting on his face, it was good. it brought momentary bliss. he’d smother himself with the fabric of your underwear, and use it to muffle his wanton moans. he’d fuck into his hand, and pretend you were the one bouncing recklessly on him.

he had such a specific fantasy. he wanted you to find him stroking himself, indulging in the dirtier things in life- and he wanted you to relieve him. he wanted you to walk up to him when he hadn’t even realized you were there, and take over for him. his hands were too rough- yours were so soft and gentle. even when you were mad, you had such a caring touch about you. you’d wrap your hands around his cock, and pump him slow, and watch him writhe and whine for you. he’d be so surprised, but so happy. he wouldn’t fight. he might beg for you to go faster, or plead that you use more than just your hand, but you wouldn’t budge. he didn’t deserve it yet, not after stealing your things and using them for such nefarious purposes.

you’d massage his balls, and praise him. he wouldn’t be able to look at you. even thinking about it made him embarrassed, and made him push his face further into hiding. he tried to mimic what you would do to him, how you’d squeeze your hand around him, and rub his balls until he felt tight. he tried to be good for you even then, by whispering your name and promising he’d be good. sure, he was speaking to nothing but air, but it was the thought that counts.

brahms would shove his shirt and sweater high up on his chest, letting himself feel the cool air hit his skin. he was so hot, so needy as he stroked himself. he could barely focus on his own fantasies. he kept getting lost in the feeling, lost in the very idea of you being there. he could imagine you smiling down at him, so smug. he liked it when you looked cocky, like you knew exactly who he was and how to press his buttons.

he’d cum hard. his load would spread onto his stomach and part of his chest, and it would feel scorching against his skin. it would make him sob, shaking and fucking the last aftershocks out of his cock until he was soft. he’d let go, panting like a dog, tired. with a huff, he’d remove your underwear from his face and discard it into its special place in his nest, careful to keep it somewhat hidden in case you ever did stumble into his little sanctuary.

brahms liked you. he liked being around you. he liked what you did to him. he knew if you saw your effect on him, that you’d like it just as much.

maybe one day he’d show you.

#slasher x reader #slashers #brahms heelshire x reader #brahms heelshire #ask

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bellewintersroe · 8 months

Text

Sebastian Vettel x RBDesignEngineer! Reader

Set in 2013 during the GP, Jennifer is fresh out of uni and has made a name for herself within the F1 world. She joins Redbull-Renault as one of their engineer designers and easily fits into the team, forming friendships easily. Most of all, she captures the attention of three time world champion, Sebastian Vettel.

Part 3 - here’s the LINK to part 2. After Red Bull’s first and second place win in Malaysia, the team enjoy a 3 week break, and partying ensues for the youngsters in the team. Sebastian finds himself steering more and more in Jen’s direction, the two dance a little too close and Luke is pissed. Warning: the bf does get a little physical but nothing in detail so just a tw.

My eyes trailed after Sebastian, swooning uncontrollably for the driver. He was kinda sweaty, his hair was a mess from attempting to rid his helmet hair, and there was just something about that smile that made me want to sigh out loud at his beauty. I was quite literally admiring him, it felt like I had no control, but there was just something so overwhelmingly attractive about him that hurt my soul. When he turned, he caught me looking, so I offered him a friendly smile in response. Shit, that was slightly embarrassing. Sebastian smiled to himself, making his way over as I pushed myself up further on the bench. “Hey you.” He gently spoke, coming to sit besides me. I didn’t doubt for a second that he had seen me staring, now I knew I was burning up hotter than ever.

“Hiya, good practice today.” I commented, glancing down to my knees, sucking my bottom lip in to avoid smiling so much. When it was just Sebastian and I, I felt like a completely different person, I knew it was bad, but something deep inside of me softened in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. The feeling was addictive, the sensation of butterflies filling my stomach filled me with joy- followed by a sickening guilt shortly after. “Thanks. It went good, how has- how has your day been?” He asked as I scanned my eyes over his expression. He just seemed so genuine and pure, I hadn’t felt any man so intrigued with me before.

“Good, thank you. Busy as always, it’s been fun… I- that sounds so nerdy.” I facepalmed, “no, it is fun. This whole thing is fun.” He pointed out as I glanced around. “So crazy that we’re actually doing all of this.” “I know… who would’ve thought? Anyway- we’re going out tonight, are you coming?”

“Yeah sure.” I cringed at how fast I answered, my eagerness sounding a little too obvious.

“Ah, that was easy!” Seb giggled, eyes wide in amusement. “I just haven’t been out in a while.” I was quick to defend. “If only I could ask you on a date that easily.” He nudged into my shoulder as I scoffed out a laugh. “Shut up, Seb. What’s the plan for tonight??” On the inside I was a raging, blushing mess- yes Seb, I do wish it was that easy to say yes to you but- no! No I couldn’t think that way.

I ended up in some random bar, Luke of course following behind me, his grip was tight on my hand as he steered me away from saying a real hello to Mark. I watched the Australian’s eyes narrow towards my boyfriend in distaste. “Hey um… when do you think you’ll be heading home?”

“Well aren’t we going together?” Luke frowned. “Oh… I was going back to Monaco. Not England…” “Oh, I’ll come too.” He shrugged, barely even sparing me a glance as he stared up and down at the woman behind the bar serving drinks. I scoffed, pulling my hand away.

“Don’t you have work?” “Do we have to talk about this now?!” He groaned before he even replied, rolling his eyes and staring back down to me with a defensive look in your eye. “Yes. We do.” He had a funny look in his eye, one that just screamed to me that something was wrong. “What? What’s happened?” I sighed, automatically knowing there had to be something with him- as always.

“I lost my job, I don’t need it anway, I’ll just come to Monaco with you an-“

“What?!” Had I heard that right?! He’d lost his god damn job?! Something inside me raged as I looked back up to him with wide eyes. “You’re not coming to Monaco with me.” I firmed. “Baby, I’ve got nowhere else to go!” “Go to your mums!” I exclaimed, grateful the music was relatively loud in here. My comment didn’t sit right with him, I knew I shouldn’t have said it as soon as the words fell off my lips. Luke hated feeling like a failure in life. He likes to be in Monaco where he could ‘pretend to feel rich’. Jokes on him because when we were in Monaco it was too expensive to even do anything.

“What do you mean? Go back to my mums?” Luke harshly spun to face me directly now, causing me to step back slightly as he attempted to get up in my face. In return I swallowed, cowering my head. The smaller I looked, the less people would notice me, including him. My voice weakened instantly. “Don’t do this again…”

“We’re fucking leaving!” He snarled as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. “Oh- oh my god no you’re not crying.” But I was, and he was laughing now at me. Luke losing his job and deciding he’d follow me to Monaco meant he just wanted to sponge off me. I had no love for this man, just pure guilt that kept us together. The only reason he was here was because I was weak. I’d spent years and years and used my dads will to pay for the apartment in Monaco. He couldn’t come and invade that place.

As quick as Luke’s anger began, he was quick to morph it into a different emotion. Fake humiliation. “I’ve got no fuckin’ life baby…” wait? No real humiliation, he stood up straighter, noticing Sebastian nearby. Luke would catch nobody overhearing him speaking to me like this. The fact I had tears welling in my eyes was a huge give away to everybody that things weren’t ok, and that panicked Luke. Despite Luke’s numerous complaints about me working with Seb, he still tried to impress the man who seemed to give him daggers at any given point.

“Let’s not talk about this- hey mate!” Luke chimed as Sebastian awkwardly allowed him to give him an informal handshake. “Hey, uh- you good?” Sebastian’s eyes were on me, I could tell. Then there was a few, the more I glanced around the more mechanics, engineers, friends m, managers; people were glancing over in all different directions. I can’t believe we’d caused a scene, oh my god. “She’s good.” Luke falsely threw an arm around me as Sebastian attempted to walk around him in an attempt to get closer to me. “I’m asking her, not you.” He defended as I grimaced my teeth harshly together, offering a fake smile and nod. Sebastian getting involved just seemed so brave and I yearned for the care he offered- but, I knew this would and could only end ugly with him getting semi involved.

“I’m taking her home now anyway.” Luke sounded angry once again, his calm mask not lasting so long. Truthfully, he was threatened by Sebastian Vettel, who wouldn’t be. But he knew Seb as doing the decent thing like a decent human being would.

“Hey, you good?” Seb attempted to ask again, the urge to step out and go be with my friend was stronger than the urge to be with my own boyfriend. This time, Luke held his arm out, preventing Seb from getting closer, he even applied some force, nudging him away. That was the exact moment I completely lost it.

“Stop it!” I harshly yanked Luke’s arm back. “Don’t touch him like that, let’s go.” I cursed through now falling tears to my boyfriend who’s jaw was tight and he was shaking his head furiously. Seeing Luke ever lay hands on anybody was unsettling, never mind it being Seb out of all people. That had something inside of me wound up like never before.

When we got outside, he practically dumped me to one side as I sobbed loudly, the complete and utter disgust and humiliation I felt for this man becoming overwhelming. “What the fuck are you crying for?” He walked forwards, speaking harshly in my face as I flinched back, wiping harshly at the wet streams down my face. He’d ruined the night before it had even began. How was that possible? It had to be an all time record for him, and I was so fucking done. This was my life, my new life. I didn’t need this or him ruining it. “I’m the one that lost my fucking job! I don’t have any fucking money!” He threw himself forwards and for a second I thought he was going to hit me. I gasped, jumping out of the way as his fist collided with the metal door behind me with a curse. The bang rattled through my body and I desperately gasped for air, stunned by the aggressive act. All I could feel was my breathe heaving and falling in a petrified manner, I felt frightened to move, horrified that Luke had done something he’d promised to never do again. It made me self aware, I was better than this, that was abuse.

That evening we took our own methods of travel back to the hotel. I’d never had a man cry and sob on their knees for me before until he was begging me not to leave him, it was exhausting and in the end, the argument spun back onto other men including those who I worked with. In return I’d begged him to let me leave him, and despite it being the worst situation in my life, it worked. It worked and by the end of it and almost a grand on flight tickets for him later, he was gone. He was gone and I was alone, single, free- my body still rattled all night with the fear of his aggressiveness. It wasn’t until 5am that I caught a wink of sleep. I was haunted of the idea that he may return, and the calls from a ‘No Caller ID’ continuously buzzed through my phone. In the end, I turned it off, blocking all forms of life from outside the hotel room. Everything and anything could wait until the morning. I hadn’t slept well that night, I had a plane to catch and a cut to cover on my face. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, I didn’t even say my goodbyes to anybody in person, I just threw a text in their direction, claiming I was completely ‘good’ after they’d questioned me. On my ride to the airport however, my phone buzzed, this time with an unknown number. Hey, I hope you’re all good? Would you come talk to me when you’re free?

I almost shit myself at the text, raking my mind for who on earth it could possibly be. Could it be Christian? Ready to fire me? Somebody higher up, a CEO? Hi, sorry, who is this? It’s Sebastian, Hannah gave me your number My heart squeezed tighter and I felt tears well up in my eyes over the guilt I felt for my boyfriend laying hands on him last night. Extreme or not, he saw what happened, he tried to take care of me, ask if I was ok…

Hi, I’m so so sorry about last night, I’m good, I hope you are too? I’m on my way to the airport right now or I would’ve stopped by earlier to speak xx

It’s all good, I just wanted to see if you were okay? Hope you have a safe flight, I’ll see you when we get to China

I let out a sigh, wiping quickly at a fallen tear. “Miss? Miss we are here.” The driver politely spoke, eyeing me up in the rear view mirror. I didn’t even have a chance to reply to Sebastian’s message with all the hustle and bustle. It would be two weeks later when I arrived in China that I realised my mistake.

#Sebastian Vettel #Sebastian Vettel x reader #Sebastian Vettel x you #Sebastian Vettel x OC #Sebastian Vettel fanfiction

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klausysworld · 1 year

Note

can you please write a headcanon of yandere Klaus Mikaelson with a broken reader? Basically Klaus is delighted to find out reader is obedient and does everything he says, then later he realises reader actually gives up on hope and became a former shell of herself with no passion of life or interests.

Decided to write this in more of a one-shot kinda way, hope you don’t mind :) i just think it might work better

I’ve lost it

It had been god knows how long since i was last outside. I couldn’t remember the last time i saw one of my family members. The only interactions i had was with Klaus himself and even them most of them ended in arguments. It was becoming draining.

I was coming to the realisation that i was not going to be getting out. There was no life after my escape and no happy life where i could the busy streets and see what the world has to offer. One time Klaus had offered to show me the world, i wish i had just accepted it instead of being so rude. I should have at least let him down gently but no, and now i was sat amongst takeaway packets because Klaus didn’t have time to cook me anything.

He’s been busier lately, leaving me alone more. It’s hard not to contemplate everything. The lack of physical contact and communication was starting to get to my head.

Klaus hasn’t come to see me in maybe a few days? I couldn’t tell what time it was anymore but i was hungry. I hadn’t moved from my spot in the bed in what felt like a forever.

I couldn’t be bothered to move when i heard the door unlock, i heard footsteps getting closed and i could smell food. Real food, it made my mouth water and i closed my eyes to savour it incase it was a hallucination

“My love…i have breakfast for you” Klaus. Of course, I wasn’t really expecting anyone else. He knelt in front of me but the food wasn’t in his hands making me frown in confusion. His hand came to hold my cheek as he furrowed his brows

“Aren’t you hungry sweetheart?” He asked a little softer. I was starving but I wasn’t sure if it was worth eating anymore.

“Where were you?” i asked, my voice a lot weaker than i had hoped

“I’m sorry, my family, they’re awake and I’ve been trying to find the time to come down here…have you been using the colouring pencils i got for you?” He stood up taking a look around, his eyes saddening

“Those are the same books you had last time i was here, love what have you been doing?” He asked, his arms slipped under my body to pull me into a sitting up position making me groan, i suddenly felt a lot more hungry now i was upright as i looked around for the food. He was quick to sit down next to me with the tray practically shovelling the food into my mouth

“Good girl just keep going” he muttered as he brought some water to my lips

Once i had cleared the plate i found myself leaning into him. As much as i hated him at least he was somewhat alive. He was a real thing and he was here. I could feel the skin of his arms on mine as i shut my eyes and pulled myself into his lap as my fingers curled around his henley. His thumb rubbed circles against my upper arm making my eyes burn with tears, this man was my only comfort and yet he had taken me away from everything i had ever loved.

“Do you feel sick sweetheart?” He asked feeling my forehead with the back of his hand

“Please don’t leave” i whispered clinging to him tightly, turning my body to straddle him, my legs wrapping around him and my arms holding onto his midsection

“Please it’s too quiet” I added with a sniff as a tear ran astray down my face. I felt his hand on the back of my head and i tucked my face under his chin

“I’m not going anywhere my darling, I’m staying with you for as long as i can”

We stayed like that for a while before he lifted me and turned on the shower

“Im just going to sit in the bedroom okay?” He asked as he set the temperature, setting me down onto my feet

“No no you said you wouldn’t leave, stay you gotta stay” i sobbed grabbing onto him, his body tensed before relaxing as I practically climbed him to attache myself to him muttering ‘no’ over and over as he rocked me

“Okay… okay I’ll sit right here yeah? I’ll talk to you through the glass okay? I’m right here” he whispered

He stayed sat against the shower glass the whole time, he spoke about his family and why he was having problems with them. His mother being alive and throwing a ball. He said the ball didn’t go as planned and Kol had his neck snapped.

By the time i was out my mind was clearing over, and I wasn’t as well…crazy.

He brushed my hair and dried it, i didn’t complain or pull away like I usually did. He kept speaking the whole time, sometimes about the past and sometimes the present but never the future. I’m not sure if there even is a future anymore.

I stayed in his lap when he read a book to me, a love story between two normal people who fell for each other over time. They had a child at the end. He told me he thinks there’s a sequel and that he’d find it for me.

He only left me once to get us dinner before hurrying back.

He had been so gentle today, he didn’t yell or raise his voice at all

And so I couldn’t find it within me to push him away when he pressed his lips to mine. His lips were so soft and warm, his hands held my face as he slowly got on top of me. I didn’t protest when his tongue slipped into my mouth, I didn’t shove at him as he groaned into me, I didn’t bother pulling away when his hips rolled to meet mine, when his hand moved to touch my neck, when it trailed down and he rubbed over my breasts through my shirt. I didn’t stop him as he ground down harder his kiss growing hungrier and his hand becoming more bold as it moved between my legs, just cupping my sex through my sleep shorts.

Only when he pulled away did he take in my face, he swallowed thickly as he backed away from me

“Forgive me- i got carried away, I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to” he muttered as he rolled onto his back

“Would you like me to stay for the night?” He asked quietly and i nodded bringing myself closer to him. My arm going over his chest as I snuggled into his side

“Will you be here in the morning?” I asked in a mumble

“Im not sure, i need to sneak back to my room in early enough so that my family think i stayed the night there but I’ll be back a little later for brunch?” He offered

“Yea okay, i understand” i whispered, he squeezed my tighter and pulled the cover up over my shoulders

“I love you sweetheart, so much. Just rest, i will take care of everything” his words blurred as i began to slip into unconsciousness.

The next few days…or weeks i just sort of did whatever he wanted. I did as he asked, sometimes we did some art together, he had also gotten me a typewriter to try and write stories, with all the reading id been doing i had a some creativity. I wasn’t allowed an actual laptop incase i tried to contact anyone.

Things were seeming to be a lot better. But then the realisation set in that this was as good as it was ever going to be. There was nothing that i was going to experience that would be worth living for anymore.

Klaus didn’t notice my detachment though. He was just happy that i was behaving. I never got mad at him or cried. I didn’t push or shove or kick or hit. I kissed back and sometimes i wondered if i could actually love him. But then i sort of realised i didn��t really feel much of anything anymore. I wasn’t mad or upset or disgusted but I wasn’t happy or feeling safe and cared for and loved. And i knew that he was doing it because he loves me and wants to keep me safe but I didn’t really know what was happening anymore.

Sometimes i wondered if it was one big mind fuck and i was in some weird game. Like maybe Klaus wasn’t really an original hybrid right? Like this whole thing is just to see how long it would take for me to crack. Sometimes i found myself looking to see if there were cameras or something watching me, was it a tv show?

That lasted like a week. Im convinced. I’ve lost it.

Klaus sort of grounded me most of the time, made me see and touch someone real and know that i was still some what alive. It was coming to the point where i had to pinch myself to make sure i was still real, i spoke to myself a lot, Klaus had days where he was really busy, he was better at seeing me as often as possible but still he couldn’t always balance me and his other life right?

I’d stopped writing, who’s even going to read them?

I found myself staring at his paintings for so long that i began to hate them. He had so many stupid hidden meanings it was an impossible puzzle.

The majority of my time was spent on the floor, either the carpet or the bathroom tiles if it i wanted a colder surface. Occasionally i pretended i was already dead. I mean what would he do if i were to die? He can’t just bring me back, not without vampire blood and i didn’t have that in my system. Sometimes i got worried though… what if he kept my body and kept me in my room, i worried what would happen after death, what if my soul or whatever was trapped in the room?

———————————————————————

(Third person)

Klaus was not expecting the scene infront of him. His love passed out on the floor, paper scattered everywhere and his paintings ripped to shreds. He slowly lifted her sleeping form placing her back into bed, he notices a cluster of little bruises along her thighs and stomach, pinch marks? He frowned seeing her fingernails slightly bloody and kissed them gently

He went back to the papers, no more than a few words scribbled down. It was about the afterlife and some held questions of what was happening. She wasn’t sure where she was. He felt his confusion grow seeing his paintings beaten in, the paintings of her. Her own face was torn out and a dot her blood was soaked into the carpet.

He slowly neared her in the bed after clearing the mess. His hand hesitantly pressed to her forehead to look through her mind

“Show me what’s troubling you my love”

He wasn’t expecting to find her completely emotionless while watching a clock. A clock with no arms. The ticking was persistent and yet there was no second hand, mo minute hand or hour hand. He found he was entranced by it struggling to pull himself away.

He dug further seeing her mid way through a panic attack in the middle of the room, spinning around hastily while pure fear crawled upon her face, she kept asking what was happening, why was she there? Who was watching her.

His heart ached, his wolf cried and his soul hurt seeing her scratch her legs to the point of the skin breaking.

Seeing her unmoving for days

Her laughing at nothing

Crying at the abstract painting he had made for her

And then he found a younger version of her, a small child version. Speaking to her mother

“One day I’m gonna live in a big house! I’m gonna have a baby and a husband and a pet cat! We’re gonna have you round all the time and it’s gonna be great! We can take holidays every year to slowly travel the world!” The innocence and excitement at the girl held her first plane ticket waving it at her elder sister who rolled her eyes but smiled non the less

Klaus came back from her mind to find himself crying. He wiped at his tears and sat with her hand in his

“I’m so sorry” he uttered while trying to find a way to stop her mind from collapsing in on itself.

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keeksandgigz · 5 months

Text

a shot in the darkest dark

steve harrington x commitment issues! fem!reader

i fucking love writing angst and this is also my very first steve work! tiny little blurbie for now cause I've been obsessed w Steve and this song

cw: unrequited love, reader has committment issues, one instance of self deprecating language, no physical description of reader, just lots of rly sad stuff

word count: 1.5K

"Awww, Steve, look! It's such a nice desk" you'd said, pointing at an oakwood desk while absentmindedly looking at furniture at a big Indianapolis mall.

Steve seemed to be in his own world, as he paced around the aisles, looking at tables, chairs, patio decor. He'd taken you out of Hawkins for the day, a little date that didn't involve movies or aimlessly walking around the small downtown area.

You hadn't been dating for too long, and to your wishes, he was taking things slow with you. You'd been so lovely to him, though and him to you.

He'd take you out on dates and pay the bill, drive you around when you needed to clear your head and kiss you goodnight at your doorstep. It was too good to be true.

For the past six months, Steve Harrington had been at your beck and call at every hour of every day, eager to see you, be with you, literally do anything as long as it was with you.

His only flaw was falling in love too fast.

"Oh yeah, it's really nice. I can get it for our first apartment" he dug into your side, smiling. The future was all he worried about, his beautiful picket- fence dream that he'd always wanted.

It made you uncomfortable, how easily he was able to talk about moving in together, starting a family, getting married. Your mind didn't work like that. You took a step away from him, an awkward laugh escaping you.

"I need to get a scarf, it's starting to get cold in Hawkins, come with me?" you'd said, swallowing the guilt that came from dismissing his dreams.

You'd thought you could have made it work. Steve was a lovely guy, so devoted to you he'd damn year kiss and worship the ground you walked on. But everything was too good. It wasn't something you thought you deserved.

You'd paid close attention to him, for any flaw that could have given you an excuse to go, but he was too perfect.

"Yeah, uh- of course, honey. Maybe we should come here during Christmas, I heard they do some really nice markets. I could get you something nice" he'd suggested, putting his arm around you. You breathed through your nose.

"Yeah- yeah that sounds nice." You whispered, as you walked over to Sears.

The day went about the same after that. He'd come across a little baby onesie with stars on them.

"Look honey, isn't it so cute?" he smiled. You had to hold back a grimace at his implication.

He looked at the window of a real estate agency, taking account of what a four bedroom home in Idianapolis would cost. Planning to save his money from his shiny new accounting firm job.

"Ooh" he cooed "that house is real nice, don't you think baby?" he pointed at a white picket- fence light blue home with a big front yard.

"Yeah, it's really nice" you said "Steve, I'm kinda tired. Can we go home?" you'd protested, hoping he'd just drop you at your house and you could cry it out, wondering what was wrong with you for not wanting what many girls your age wanted. Stability. A family.

"For sure, honey. Want to stay over at mine's? We can grab a movie and get some pizza or something" he said, kissing your temple.

The fact that he was okay with you taking your time didn't mean that he took his. He was a speeding train running at full speed ahead, while you felt like you were biking behind him, feeling left out from this feeling of love and devotion that he continuously showed you.

"Uh, no, thank you, Steve. I have work in the morning" you lied. You didn't want to see him. The guilt would have only grown stronger, until you could not have taken it anymore.

The drive home was surprisingly quiet. Steve chalked it up to you being tired. He knew crowded places overwhelmed you.

After an hour and a half of complete silence, he pulled up in the street where you lived.

"Oh look, baby, a dog! I've always wanted one like that, maybe we can get one-"

"Steve just fucking stop it!" you'd interrupted him, banging on the dashboard. He braked hard in the middle of the empty street.

"Jesus, babe, what's wrong?" he said "Sorry for braking this hard" as he parked up the curb.

You breathed "Sorry, Steve. I-I can't do this." you whispered.

You breathed "Sorry, Steve. I can't do this. This is moving so incredibly fast” you exhaled, letting the boulder weighing on your chest slowly crumble, and you with it.

“I’m sorry, I’m- I’m not sure I understand. Can’t do what?” he said, nearing his head towards yours. Wanting to be close to you, wanting to hear your thoughts. You retracted from him, now heaving.

The air in the car felt so incredibly stuffy as you unfastened your seatbelt and got out, heading towards your front porch. He followed you suit, cursing yourself for wanting to let him go.

You were leading him on with false hopes of a future you didn't want. You needed to free him before it was too late. The crisp November air turned your breaths into vapor, tinging your noses red. He'd forgotten his coat in the car.

"I just- I can't do this. I can't do us. This is... too much. The moving in and the house and the kids and the dog and the family stuff. I can't Steve I don't want this" you rambled. And that's when the waterworks started. Mascara running down your cheeks, loud sobs populating the otherwise quiet cul de sac.

He got closer to you, but you backed away once again. He didn't need to be that close, not when you were trying to let him go.

"Baby... what- I- I had no idea, I just- I" he was helplessly stuttering. Your chest was aching watching his eyes gloss over ever so slightly, you swore you could hear his heart break.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I tried. I tried so incredibly hard to see what you saw and I fucking hate myself for not being able to. You're so great, you've been such a lovely boyfriend and I need you to know, because I don't wanna lead you on. I care so much about you but-"

"You don't love me" he interrupted you. A whisper. Barely audible, but loud enough that you could hear the hurt in his voice "It's been six months. You don't love me?" he continued. A breath caught in your throat as you tried to answer that you did try, you did care for him.

You just didn't love him how he did. You knew you were doomed since you'd started going out.

The world went quiet, but not in your ears, a loud whistle kept you on alert, wishing you could crawl inside and hide under your bed forever.

Steve's eyes became clouded with tears as the silence between you became the loudest response he could have ever gotten.

He didn't want to let you go, but being led on for six months had hurt more than he'd expected. He wanted you to tell him that this was just a silly joke, to come inside, cuddle and watch a movie.

Steve waited. He waited for a negation, for an I love you, Steve. An affirmation that never came as you looked at him. You felt embarrassed and he felt like you'd stabbed him.

He was the first to break the silence.

"So I guess it's over then" he croaked out, a burning ball lodged in his throat that didn't allow him to speak. Or breathe for that matter.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I just- I didn't want to lie to you any longer. Even if I loved you, I'm not good for you. All I'm gonna do is pull you back from this great dream you have. You can't have a picket fence with me, I'll only tear it down. And you can't just put it back up, Steve" you said, taking as many steps back to get away from him. From the guilt of losing him.

"I'll put up as many picket fences as you need. I just want you" he pleaded, one last prayer. Don't go.

"I'm sorry, Steve. Please go home. You're gonna get sick" your voice a thin iron string settled in between your throat. You loved him, but didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve him.

And so Steve turned around, grabbing his broken heart off the floor. You watched him from your driveway, quiet, with his head hung low. A love like his should not have gone wasted on someone like you.

Steve reached his car door, looking at you for one last time, eyes watery and dark. Hoping, praying for your thin voice to speak up, to tell him to come back to your driveway. Tell him to stay.

Don't go.

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington blurb #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fan fiction #steve harrington x reader angst #Spotify

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ohboycharlie · 11 months

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THE ELEVATOR ଓ｡˚.CL16

This is my first time writing so please ignore EVERYTHING. pairing: Charles x fem!reader summary: an elevator becomes your cupid.

part2: here part3: here

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Shifting to Monaco was a huge step but the building I got to stay in felt like a reward. I swear I've never lived in such a posh place and the people? god. Rich+Italian=unnecessary attitude. I avoided leaving my flat as much as possible so I wouldn't bump into people and ruin their day with my massacred version of french and Italian.

My job required me to be physically present in the office for only 4 days in a week. This job was my dream job I mean stay at home and work? amazing. Stay at home that the office gave you? AMAZING. Even the locality was good with a coffee shop right around the corner I was living my dream and I really hoped it wouldn't turn into a nightmare.

My neighbour was weird tho. Like I don't think the person ever lived there and they only came at night (I absolutely did not try to spy from the peek hole), at times there were noises of things being thrown around and the piano and I swear I was scared for the day they would ring my bell for some salt or coffee.

The one thing I noticed the people loved was their sport. Let it be tennis or F1, they were PASSIONATE. I knew there was a grand prix the week before I shifted because of the posters. The Leclerc guy had to be too good to be pasted on every street. And the fact that he was that good-looking? Definitely poster material.

Ramen was my staple diet so a frequent grocery shop haul wasn't that surprising for anyone in my life. It was a calming Monday night when I had the sudden urge to pee while coming back. I ran for my life and just as I entered the lobby, the elevator doors were closing and the man inside did NOTHING to stop it. And it wasn't as if my presence wasn't sensed. I was running with a huge bag and screaming to stop the elevator. "Asshole". That's what described the rude person the best and to top it all off the elevator stopped on my floor. GREAT. He was my fucking weird neighbour. That act just confirmed my 'no sugar for you mister' deal.

After an eternity, the lift finally came and if looks could destroy, his door would have been in pieces. But I was a very forgiving person so he was out of my mind the way he was out of his house.

It was months after the incident and my life was going the way it was. My job kept me busy. I partied on the weekends. I dated people. There was this one guy though from my building. We usually met in the lobby and it turned out he only lived 2 floors below me! We went on a few dates but after that, I decided no dating people from the place you live because if things did not work out, it could get pretty awkward in the elevators. Elevators god I hate them. You meet every kind of person there and all they do is look down at their phones so as to not make eye contact or conversation. Elevators can also make some people claustrophobic and what if there were two people trying to get me and some guy to be together by stopping the lift and a delivery man comes in and pees because he cant handle small spaces? real questions were asked.

One fine day though, I got to get my revenge. I was going to buy ramen as usual and I entered the elevator but then I saw my neighbour trying to remove his keys from the door and showing me a hand to let me know he wanted to come but me being the petty bitch, closed the elevator innocently by just turning around and pretending I never saw him (I honestly did not see his face). The joy I felt was PURE.

A few weeks passed by and once again I was hungry so I left in my PJs at 2 am to fulfil my stomach's wishes. As I was coming, I saw the lift close yet again but this time I screamed so that the person inside knows someone is coming. I was honestly out of breath so I did not even think about pressing the button to my floor. After regaining my senses I went ahead to thank the person and the view in front of me was enough to make me gasp. There, on the lift with me was, Charles Leclerc in all his glory. I did not want to make it obvious that I was internally screaming so I just looked down and said "Thank you for stopping the elevator, last time this asshole, my apparent neighbour just let the elevator close on my face". Charles looked amused to me but I couldn't figure it out then he said the most bizarre thing. "You won't believe it but my neighbour did the same thing. She just acted as if she didn't see me." All I could do was just nod at him because THE F1 driver was in the lift with me. "Anyways this is me, see you later" and as the doors were about to close I realised he got down on the 26th floor. MY FLOOR. Charles bloody Leclerc was my asshole neighbour!

I had to get down to the upper floor and come down via the stairs. I was shocked but then I thought what if I revealed myself to him. Maybe go ask for coffee. Act as if we did not just bond over each other in the elevator. I was determined to show him who the true asshole was because if they go low, I go lower.

#charles leclerc #f1 #formula 1 #lord perceval #charles leclerc x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #first person fic #fanfic #based in monaco #a part 2 maybe?#let me know if you like this

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toaster-trash · 7 months

Text

This is not an attack on you at ALL I’m sorry for moving this to it’s own post I just have Opinions™️ and I need be weird about this book rq I’ll tag you anyway in case you’re interested like at all in my dumb little opinion @adrianfridge-main

I just woke up but DISAGREED Victor’s complaining was completely and utterly justified tbh (bro fucked up astronomically big time and as a result his entire family is dead, I think he’s earned the right to be in despair), Victor’s biggest flaw was the fact he stitched together a mass of corpses and brought it to life and then told nobody, Victor’s biggest flaw is avoidance – and part of that is understandable, it’s a common trauma response, but Victor should have been open about how he felt about Elizabeth, he should have worked through his feelings about his family and expressed them, he should have confronted what he did with the creature and told someone, told Clerval, Victor’s biggest flaw isn’t that he’s in despair, it’s that he rarely explains that despair to others – and it’s understandable why he doesn’t, but it’s still wrong, because that’s how he hurts people.

He keeps parts of himself hidden – as arguably represented by the creature himself. He begins to isolate himself for really the first time, he has a lot of space away from people he’s been around his entire life for really the first time, and it’s fairly safe to say that psychological things begin to build up, as he builds the creature, almost represented by him – whatever interpretation you have of these knew-found realisations can greatly vary depending on the reading of the book you have, but personally I think it’s mostly how he feels about himself and his family.

I don’t think Victor wanted to marry Elizabeth at all – and I’ll probably make a whole catch-all rant on that point soon enough, but I think once he actually begins to get some time in isolation to think about things, he starts thinking about his mother, he starts thinking about Elizabeth, he starts considering all these complicated feelings, that he genuinely does love his mother, but that she’s effectively forcing him into something he doesn’t want to do at all, surely she’d understand if he just explained – but she’s dead, he can’t explain, it’s too late for that. Would she have accepted his explanations in the first place, or would he have disappointed her? This was his mother’s only dying wish, the last thing she left to him, the last thing he had to remember her by – and I do believe Victor genuinely loved his mother, even if I’m also absolutely of the opinion that she was a terrible person. Instead of coming to a conclusion about this, Victor spirals, it builds up, he tells no-one – I don’t believe he would’ve told Henry – and this coincides with the creation of the creature. His dead mother’s final wish being the definitive thing haunting him, and the representation of his spiral and all of his emotions about that being a mass of sentient corpses – seems accurate.

Following this argument, Victor sees Clerval again after all those years, and he collapses from the weight of it all – he rants about it vaguely, but he hides it, and he continues to do so, ignoring it, and that’s when it slowly begins to become harmful, purposefully picking off the people he loves and hurting them.

It’s important to remember still, of course, that the monster isn’t metaphorical, he is real – it’s just that a lot of heights of Victor’s despair and tendency to spiral into his own thoughts coincide well with the “building” of the creature, or with him becoming more vocally demanding of Victor or harmful to his loved ones, so he tends to be a pretty good approximation for a physical representation of Frankenstein’s mental state and guilt. And effectively, Frankenstein desperately trying to hide the creature, fumbling with promises to make further mistakes to push him away only to come to the realisation that they’re wrong, but still having to deal with the consequences of them, instead of just from the start being open and honest, even if that honestly was “I need some time to think, and I don’t know how I feel right now.” – that’s his biggest flaw. And the people Victor hurts is really best represented through Elizabeth herself – I hold the very very strong opinion that Victor and Elizabeth are both victims of what was pretty basically just grooming, and again, avoidance is a very common trauma response, but Elizabeth tried to confront Victor on multiple occasions, sending that letter asking about how he feels about the marriage, saying it doesn’t need to happen if he doesn’t want it to – instead he misinterprets this as his poor dear cousin in despair second-guessing his affections for her, (very likely because of things his mother probably told him as a child), and decides to “put her mind at ease” by telling her that he will marry her, despite his actions saying completely otherwise and Elizabeth herself pretty openly not really wanting to marry him.

He’s gone through so much at this point, feels himself responsible for so many deaths, and decides the final thing he needs to do before he dies is not to be a disgrace to his parents as well, or any more of a disgrace than he already is, in his eyes.

And I also definitely have a queer reading of the novel – I genuinely do really hold to the interpretation of Frankenstein and Clerval’s relationship being romantic, and from there and concerning the creation of the bride, Henry really is effectively murdered as a punishment for Victor doubting the role given to him – almost like his doubts and guilt, as embodied by the creature, overwhelm him in that way. “Ah! my father, do not remain in this wretched country; take me where I may forget myself, my existence, and all the world.” He’s pushing away the memory of Clerval’s death, repressing it, avoiding it, and that is extremely important for how he shifts his tone with Elizabeth and puts up that fake demeanour of wanting to marry her, because he thinks it’ll make her happy even though both of them describe dreading the wedding, even given the context for Victor and even by Elizabeth, who doesn’t know what he dreads – in order to forget Clerval, he assigns himself to the role given to him as a child by marrying Elizabeth and gives up whatever he hope he had.

All possibly discouraged from Clerval being murdered as a response to Victor refusing to finish the Bride and subject her to the same fate as him and Elizabeth to the Creature, a pact made without her knowledge or consent, an arranged marriage. Where has spiting that tradition led him? Where has him standing up to the shroud of his mother’s dying wishes, hanging over him the entire novel thus far, led him, by refusing to force the Bride into an arranged marriage with the Creature, as he was with Elizabeth? To the death of the one man he truly loved. So, can at least “make his dear cousin happy” and not die spiting the one thing he was meant to do – make his mother proud from beyond the grave by marrying Elizabeth.

And even then, adding to my argument of the creature being a physical embodiment of Frankenstein‘s guilt and dread – that building tension approaching the wedding, Victor being convinced the creature is going to kill him, but he kills Elizabeth – that’s a metaphor if I’ve ever seen it.

Even on the subject of grieving Clerval, Victor won’t sort his feelings, he spirals and tries so desperately to avoid them. “We had resolved not to go to London, but to cross the country to Portsmouth, and thence to embark for Havre. I preferred this plan principally because I dreaded to see again those places in which I had enjoyed a few moments of tranquillity with my beloved Clerval. I thought with horror of seeing again those persons whom we had been accustomed to visit together, and who might make inquiries concerning an event.”

I wonder what would happen if he did go through London, if he did meet those people again. Would things have turned out differently? Would he finally have been given a sense of comfort and clarity through mutual grief, as nobody so far since Henry’s death and for the rest of the book, except the creature, ironically, has grieved for Clerval except for Frankenstein. If he met people who took as fondly to Clerval as he did, at least on meeting him briefly, who would have sympathy towards Victor – would he finally have that space to grieve for him in a healthy way, to be comforted by people who at least vaguely understand a fraction of his anguish?

But he doesn’t, and instead he avoids the subject – confining himself to his union with Elizabeth, and hurting her because of that.

And even to his grave, Frankenstein doesn’t stop to consider his feelings properly, and by that I mean he doesn’t sort them with anyone, he doesn’t admit the dread he feels surrounding his family and his late wife, he doesn’t stay with Ernest and talk through things with him, bonding to his last remaining family member in his grief – instead he spirals again, chasing the monster and telling no one, except for Walton. And even then, he doesn’t discuss, he monologues – he doesn’t talk through his emotions with a trusted friend, he “tells his story” to an eager man who is mostly overwhelmingly curious, rather than genuinely concerned.

Victor Frankenstein’s biggest flaw is not that he complains. It isn’t that he’s in despair – it’s that he won’t articulate that despair properly. It’s that he avoids it and keeps it hidden out of pain, but he shouldn’t. Because the subject of that despair actively effects the people around him, and by extension, his despair actively effects the people around him. Elizabeth is left hanging by a man who doesn’t truly love her and won’t talk to her, forcing her into a marriage she doesn’t really want out of duty. The creature is cast aside and abandoned, viewed mostly by Victor as a representation of his guilt and shame, of his worst mistakes, although he expresses feeling pity for it fairly often, he still hides and shuns it, fearing it. Clerval is murdered as a representation of that hope for a better future, the one man who ever truly loved him being snatched away, and instead of standing his ground, coming to the conclusion that he won’t abide by his mother’s wishes, that he was right in his destruction of the bride, grieving Clerval with those people in London and using his death as a catalyst to not let it happen again, perhaps then meeting Walton at a later date if he chose to stay in England or otherwise by chance under different circumstances, writing to Elizabeth telling her his true feelings and confronting the creature properly, pulling a Christine Daaé there except like. Parentally instead of romantically. and showing his creation sympathy and compassion rather than just feeling it, and being open about everything; instead of that, Victor spirals, and Victor hurts everyone left.

And it’s understandable why he does – it’s realistic. The hero doesn’t always know exactly what to do and magically save the day by making all the right decisions – people don’t know what do do or how to make all the right decisions. Victor isn’t just complaining “woe-is-me” style, Victor is in genuine severe psychological torment and distress, and his actions reflect that. He is, to an extent, a victim of circumstance – and his circumstances haven’t made things easy for him. In his grief over Clerval, he’s led back to Geneva by his father instead of through London, and follows easily. He’s forced into a situation where he has to marry his cousin by his mother, since young childhood. When he tries to be assertive in what he wants, he’s punished for it every time. In real life, people don’t fix their situation easily like a superhero and pull themselves on their feet like that. They don’t get over everything that’s ever happened to them easily. They need space – and Frankenstein did not have space. If he wanted to fix his life, he would have had to actively fight for it. And he didn’t have any fight left. He didn’t want to live. He didn’t have any idea of what to do next. He didn’t see a future. Any time he tried to fight against what was expected of him, he was punished for it, so now that his life was effectively over, all he wanted to do was assign himself to the roles he was “meant” to perform, and not disappoint his family.

But it’s still a flaw, and it still hurts people. Victor was still in the wrong for what he did. For avoiding everything, for building the creature to begin with, that was Victor’s fault. But it’s understandable why he does what he does, and he’s a very sympathetic character because of that.

Me waking up to immediately write an entire Frankenstein essay I shit you not I’m still in bed finishing this I literally just woke up and started typing half asleep until I finished it (haha funny Nosferatu reference):

#rant #gothic lit #classic literature #gothic literature #frankenstein #goth lit #classic lit #frankenstein weekly #frankenstein or the modern prometheus #clervalstein #Victor Frankenstein #frankenstein the modern prometheus #the modern Prometheus

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