#I wish she would’ve been able to see me go to uni and stuff

[stylesberries]

Vegan Cupcakes

Summary: You and Harry have been quarantined together and he needs space.

Genre(s): angst (happy ending)

Word Count: 3.2k

Warning(s): angsty stuff, ~foul language~

You and Harry have been quarantined together for several months now and, despite the difficulty and the severity of the situation, you as a couple are having the time of your lives.

Harry was definitely disappointed and upset about not being able to go touring with Fine Line, but the second he heard the news he thought of you.

He has been donating a lot of money and supplies for those in need of it or unemployed while you took your university classes online.

Spending most of the spring together didn’t feel as suffocating for Harry as summer did. Your classes were over and you didn’t take a summer semester, so your time fully revolved around him. Which he liked.

In the beginning.

Until you clung on him like a koala for days and made him cuddle you all the time, which he enjoyed a lot until it became a routine. Harry couldn’t even tell you how he felt because it would hurt your feelings, so he didn’t say anything at all, keeping it all to himself.

“Baby?” You call for him from the kitchen.

Harry rolls his eyes as you, once again, interrupted his flow of thoughts. He gets up from the couch he was laying on peacefully before and walks towards the kitchen, where you are standing holding up a paper so big it covers your whole face.

“Yes?” Harry asks, trying his best not to come out too rough. You placed the paper on the kitchen island in front of you to look up at Harry. You didn’t pay close attention to his annoyance; you were too busy brainstorming what proportion of flour to sugar to take for your vegan cupcakes.

“Harry, do you think I should take 1:2? Like twice as much flour? Or do you want the cupcakes to be sweeter?” Harry watched you ramble, crossing his arms, feeling ~this~ close to bursting. “Or do you think the cupcakes shouldn’t be that sweet because they’ll have sweet icing on top?” You ket throwing question after question at your fuming boyfriend, still oblivious of his irritation.

“Or maybe we should make them both mildly sweet?” Shut up.

“They will be chocolate anyway, right?” Shut up.

“Would you prefer dark chocola-”

“Y/N, shut up already! Can you stop fucking rambling? My head is going to explode from your talking.” Harry explodes, not letting you finish your question, the excited smile leaving your face.

You felt your head being squeezed from sides, pressure increasing at your temples.

“What?” You ask, hoping that you misheard him, knowing deep down that you didn’t because the Harry you knew and loved would never say such a hurtful thing.

“I said shut up. My brain is buzzing from your talking. Do whatever you fucking want.” Harry said and walked out of the kitchen before you could say something to him.

Thinking that he probably isn’t in a good mood and certainly needs space from your rambling you stay back in the kitchen and go back to your recipe with a broken heart and wet eyes. Your hands shake as you brought the paper back up to your face, failing to read any of the words and measurements through a layer of tears that were collected in your eyes.

Even when you were fighting he had never said anything so mean to you before, especially after he found out that your whole life people have been discouraging you from talking, so you closed off and spoke up only when you were directly called out for not saying anything. It took Harry a couple of months to finally get you to open up to him and talk to him without feeling guilty for it. He used to love it when you rambled on and on about things you’re passionate about. At least that’s what you thought.

You spend the next hour making the batter for your cupcakes and baking them, which only took about fifteen minutes. You felt encouraged to go up to Harry when you smelled the chocolate cupcakes fresh out of the oven.

“I’ll put a couple on a plate.” You spoke to yourself placing the freshly baked cupcakes on Harry’s favorite flower plate. “Just like that.”

Talking to yourself was a way you brushed your nervousness and anxiety away. Harry would catch you talking to your reflection millions of times, just standing and secretly watching you sometimes with a wide smile plastered on his face.

You placed the plate on the tray you brought from your trip to Italy and poured Harry some black coffee, placing it next to the warm plate. You picked the tray up and walked out of the kitchen, making sure to watch your elbows at the doorway.

Making your way towards the living room, where you expected Harry to be, you spotted no grumpy boyfriends there.

“He’s probably in the studio.” You spoke to yourself, refusing to let Harry’s bad mood discourage you.

Harry would rarely hide from you in the studio when you’re fighting, usually he would face you and solve the issue before it grows and hurts you even more, so it was unusual for him to run off there.

You brushed the thought off and watched towards the studio door. As you walked closer you could hear Harry talking to someone, but knowing that there is no one home except you two, you understood that he’s talking on the phone with someone. You stood at the door, turning to the side to place the tray on the floor, freeing your hands to turn back to the door and knock, as you didn’t want to interrupt any important calls or interviews that Harry could have with your talking.

Before your knuckles hit the door, you heard Harry’s voice.

“Man, I mean she’s always next to me. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t wait for her to go back to uni for me to get some air.” Harry whines. Your heart stops before going back to beating at a higher rate, full of anxiety.

“Yeah, right! It just feels as if she’s been dreaming of being touchy-feely with someone and now that I’m finally home she can’t get herself off of me.” Harry kept stabbing your heart and laughed at something the person on the phone said.

With every word, you felt more and more empty. You started walking away from the door, bending over to take the tray with yourself not to leave any traces behind.

How could he say something like that?

I thought he loved me.

You didn’t know what you were doing. Your legs moved on their own and you just followed along, tears leaking from your eyes’ inner corners, tracing a way down to your chin. The salty trail wasn’t getting a chance to dry as new tears followed the same path as the ones before did.

When your body reached the kitchen your shaking hands placed the tray on the counter, Harry’s coffee slightly spilling on the tray.

Pain.

Never before have you thought than sadness could physically hurt so much; it hurt like a bitch.

You placed the tray on the table for Harry to find later and walked out of the kitchen to go back to your bedroom to cry in your pillow while he keeps complaining about you to his friend.

Harry came to bed in a couple of hours closer to the evening after looking for you all over the house to apologize for his rough words. When he saw you laying on your side of the bed, your knees pushed up to your chest, the duvet hardly doing its job keeping you covered and warm, he felt guilt running through his veins.

Walking up to his side, pressing a knee on the mattress first, Harry scooted over to you and pulled the duvet to cover you up. He let his arm stay on the duvet wrapping around your fragile form. He moved his upper body closer to yours, his chest pressing against your duvet-covered back.

“Baby?” Harry spoke softly, cautious not to wake you up. When no answer followed he frowned and positioned his face into the crook of your neck, pressing kisses on your neck.

“I’m sorry about earlier, baby. I was very mean to you.” He spoke against your soft skin. “I shouldn’t have exploded like that. It wasn’t fair to you.”

Harry’s apologies kept following one after another and you stayed silent, keeping your act on. You would’ve believed every word of his if only you haven’t heard him say the things he said about you to someone else.

You kept your eyes closed. Harry’s apologies subsided as he slowly fell asleep cuddled into your back. You stayed up that night, tears pooling in the corners of your eyes. You wished for the pain inside to leave with your tears but it stayed, eating you from inside, until sunrise when you fell asleep from the emotional exhaustion.

When you woke up, Harry was no longer lying next to you and you were thankful for it. You really hoped that he wouldn’t bring yesterday up, even though you knew he would because he never got to apologize to you awake.

Your stomach growled and you remember that you never got to have dinner the day before, falling asleep drowning in your own sadness.

You quickly got up to sneakily walk down to the kitchen, but you were disappointed to have smelled Harry’s signature chocolate waffles in the air. With your shoulders slumped in defeat you walked down the stairs towards your kitchen.

As you walked through the doorway of the kitchen you saw Harry placing the brown waffles onto serving plates and adding sliced strawberries on top. You stopped your heart from fluttering because you, unfortunately, knew more than you’d prefer to know about how your boyfriend actually feels about you.

Harry felt someone’s eyes on him and turned around to be greeted by your indifferent self. He felt his heart sink as he read the hurt from the day before engraved on the surface of your face. Harry kept fidgeting about the table trying to let you pass to sit in your place next to him and placed the plate of waffles in front of you.

“I made you your favorite, baby.” He spoke unsure of how you would react to any words that left his mouth.

You fought the desire to bite into the warm chocolate waffles that your belly was craving after crying all night long and being left hungry for so many hours and walked up to the counter to get yourself a couple of your ill-fated cupcakes.

You couldn’t see Harry’s head lowering as you dashed his hopes to make it better. Little did Harry know you weren’t upset about his outburst about the cupcakes yesterday, so a couple of waffles won’t help to glue together the ruins of your heart that he shattered.

As you bit into the cupcakes, you stood at the counter facing away from the table, Harry took no bites of his breakfast, staring at your back helplessly. Suddenly he felt small and didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry about yesterday, Y/N. I acted like a piece of shit. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” His lips moved as his eyes watched your back for any reaction coming from you, his voice coming out soft and weak.

You stood there, your eyes glossy and your lips curving down in a frown, as you fought back the tears. Harry doesn’t have a single idea of how much pain he’s caused you and how none of these stupid apologies will ever fix the cracks that he left in your heart. You looked over your shoulder at Harry’s similar-to-yours state and hesitated whether or not to open up to him. Harry looked into your eyes with his and held a breath, hoping that you would figure things out. Your eyes broke the eye contact by looking down and speaking up.

“It’s okay.” You spoke and abandoned your plate, walking out of the kitchen, Harry’s eyes observing your every movement.

For the next couple of days, you stayed away from Harry and things were pretty cold between you. Harry would come up to you every day trying to apologize but you wouldn’t let him finish any of those times, leaving the room right away. Hurt was eating you from inside and you didn’t care what he had to say. Harry chose to sleep in the guest bedroom not to make you uncomfortable and you thanked him for it.

As time went by, you cooled down and felt better yourself. Harry gave you all the space you needed and it helped your healing process. You still hurt but you could talk to him now at least. Things went back to normal in most ways except one: you would stop yourself from expressing any kind of affection to Harry and he wouldn’t say anything but it drove him insane. He didn’t know why you wouldn’t kiss or snuggle him like you used to. You also started talking less because of your fight and Harry noticed every single change in your behavior and beat himself up for it.

“Y/N.” Harry walked into the bedroom with an i-can’t-do-this-anymore face on. Your eyes had to abandon the indulging book you were reading as Harry closed the door behind him, which meant he was determined to finally face the difficulty of the situation. Noticing the mood in the room change to a serious one, you placed the book on the bedside table and crossed your legs under the duvet, focusing all of your attention on your restless boyfriend with arms crossed.

“Mhm?” You ask, waiting for him to spit out whatever he’s been putting aside for almost two weeks.

“I’m sorry for that fight, okay? I really am, sweetheart. You haven’t been the same since then and it scares me. I didn’t mean to go off at you like that. You didn’t deserve it at all. I was exhausted and felt shitty myself and took it out on you. It’s not an excuse to yell at you and be so mean, I understand and I’m sorry, beautiful. It was a mistake and it won’t happen again, I promise. Please forgive me, Y/N.” Harry spoke so desperately, his emotions all over the place. He started gesticulating, which you knew meant that he was anxious and frustrated.

“I’m not mad at that, Harry. I forgave you.” You spoke the truth; Harry looked at you with even more frustration behind his now-glossy eyes.

“But you don’t even touch me anymore! You don’t kiss me! You don’t even want to be near-” Harry lets all of his insecurities out, oblivious to the flow of your own that you prepare to pour on him. You couldn’t sit there and listen to him accuse you of being neglectful towards him so you broke in to speak yourself.

“You don’t want me to be around you anymore! You said that yourself! You-you said-” Your voice cracks as tears build up in the corners of your eyes. It became hard to talk. “-said I’m always next to you and you need some space from me always being there.”

The tears that were collecting in your eyes were streaming down your cheeks, Harry’s glance reflecting off of them. Harry couldn't understand what you were referring to but kept listening to you.

“And you didn’t even have the guts to tell me yourself. You whined about how annoying I am to your friend, embarrassing me. It’s supposed to be something kept between us two, not discussed with your friends.” Every word stabbed his heart in same places as it did yours.

Harry’s mind went straight to the call you were talking about. He felt his intestines turn into a knot inside of him, causing him to feel nauseous. He felt like an asshole. It was fair because he was one indeed.

I hurt her.

You don’t want to be around me anymore.

Does she really think that?

You need space from me.

My baby. My angel.

What a fucking piece of shit am I to hurt my precious love like this.

You saw right through Harry’s sudden self-hatred despite the two layers of salty tears between your eyes and his.

“I’m so sorry.” Harry’s apologies filled the room, as pain continued to fill his soul.

“I hurt you. I’m so fucking sorry. It was so wrong to share something so personal with anyone except you. I didn’t even know what I was saying. I can’t live without you.” Harry’s cries became louder and louder as his regret first doubled and then tripled in size. “Your hands, your lips, your beautiful eyes - I can’t live without those things on me constantly. I was such a fool to think that I needed space from you. You’re the love of my life! I love you so fucking much. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. I-” Harry's voice was cut by him having to take deep breaths to keep himself together. He placed a hand over his chest breathing in deeply.

You ripped the blanket off of yourself watching Harry closely, getting ready to sprint to his inhaler in case he needs it. Harry saw your reaction to his heavy breathing and rose his hand to gesture that he’s okay. You let out a relieved sign and scooted closer to the end of the bed where Harry stood. When he caught up with his breathing he looked down at you, moving to get on his knees in front of the bed. Harry’s hands flew up to cup your cheeks softly, giving you time to stop him if you wanted to.

“I love you so much, baby. I can’t express how sorry I am to hurt you so much. I don’t need any space from you. I can’t function properly without you on me all the time, without you wrapped in my arms.” Harry spoke and tears kept running down his face. You watched his eyes jump from one side of your face to the other, trying to absorb every single line and curve of your face.

“Fuck, I’ve missed looking at you so fucking much,” Harry speaks up, his face frowning as new tears start flowing out of his eyes. The frown on Harry’s face became more prominent as he understood the severity of the pain he had caused you.

”It’s all my fault.” Harry cries, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, your arms wrapping around him. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

Harry kept apologizing the whole night and many days after, not letting you walk further than an arm length away from him. It took him a lot of effort to kick the insecurities that he birthed out of your head, but he kept proving himself to you over and over again.

He is an arrogant son of a bitch, but nonetheless he loves you more than himself.

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#harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles masterlist #harry styles blurbs #harry styles angst

[lovingoneweisalifestyle]

Surprise Visit

A/N: This took a bit long to write, sorry 😬 I hope you enjoy it! It got shorter near the end bc i ran out of ideas 😅 Enjoy!

Yonghoon:

It has only been a week since you left for a work trip but he already missed you. He would look at your photos murmuring to himself about wanting to see you again. He’d stare at the clock and as soon as it was morning in your timezone, he’d call you right away. 

“Isn’t it really late for you right now, what are you doing awake?” you greeted him when you picked up the phone. 

“I'm having trouble sleeping because you weren’t there” you could hear his pout through the phone. 

“Aww, you’re so clingy,” you teased him, “but in all seriousness, you should sleep. You have work too in the morning” you scolded him  

He sighed, “I know, I know. I just wanted to hear your voice. When did you say you’re coming back? I can’t be without you for too long” 

“You’ll be fine, it’s only for one more week.” you assured him “and now i’m going to hang up and you better sleep, i’ll call you later” you hung up the phone before he could say anything. 

Truthfully, your plane was about to take off and you were on your way back. You had finished up your work earlier than expected and decided to surprise Yonghoon knowing how much he missed you. 

After your flight landed, you took a taxi to your house and freshened up before heading to go see Yonghoon. 

You arrived at the dorms but no one seemed to be home so you entered the passcode and allowed yourself in. You stopped at the entrance of Yonghoon’s bedroom. 

“What a mess,” you shook your head at the sight of clothes on the floor and polaroids scattered around. Making sure not to accidentally step on anything, you took a closer look. It was your hoodie that went missing recently, Yonghoon probably kept it with him because of your scent. 

You picked up the polaroid. It was a picture of his arm slung over your shoulders and you staring at him with goofy smiles on both of your faces. You took it together on a date to the movies. He saw a photobooth and practically begged you to take a photo with him. You picked up another polaroid, this time, it’s the polaroid you took of him. 

Yonghoon walked into the room and saw you staring at the polaroids. He gasped “you’re back!” he tackled you onto the bed in a hug

You sat up, “I’m back, I finished work early and decided to surprise you!” you explained 

“But what’s all this? Why are you acting like I'm dead or that we broke up?” you raised an eyebrow, gesturing to his room full of your belongings. 

“Oh….that.” his face burned up as he tried to think of an excuse. “I just missed you too much” he attacked you with more hugs. “Don’t ever go anywhere for too long without me”

“Alright, alright” you hugged him back

Harin:

Your family had family reunions every year in different countries every time. This time, it was held in The Bahamas for a week. Harin already missed you so he decided to shoot you a text. 

You were in the pool, playing around with your cousins when you heard your phone beep. You swam to the side of the pool and pointed to your phone, “what does it say?”

She picked up your phone, “it says, ‘how’s the reunion going? i hope you’re having fun, i miss you. call me when you can’ with a heart and it’s from ‘Perfect Man Harin’ whose Harin?” she wiggled her eyebrows 

You climbed out of the pool and dryed yourself off. Taking your phone you said, “well, whose [sister’s boyfriend’s name]? I heard you talking to them on the phone” you teased back before walking off and calling Harin’s number

“How’s the trip going? Are you having fun?” he greeted you after answering your call 

“It’s going great! I haven’t been able to spend lots of time with my family since I was really busy and this is a great time to catch up. I miss you lots, you should’ve come with me” you said

“You know if I could, I would’ve but we had to do a concert” you could hear the dissapointment in his voice, “but you should enjoy this moment to the fullest!”

You both talked for a while before your phone was about to die so you had to say your goodbyes

“I’ll see you soon in two days” you told him before hanging up the phone “I love you”

As you were headind to the elevators, you sister spotted you. “You’re going upstairs already?” you asked her

“yup! gotta pack for our flight tonight. what about you?” she pushed the button on the elevator

“i went to get my charger but wait, our flight is tonight? I thought it’s in two days?” you ask her

“ah, i see you’re still forgetfull as ever” she laughed 

You decided to pack your stuff too. Night came and your flight left. You headed to your house to drop off your stuff, take a shower and change your clothes.

You decided to go the company to surprise Harin. You entered the practice room where all of ONEWE were practicing. You heard Yonghoon singing and the insturments playing. You didn’t want to distrub them so you quietly walked into the room. 

After the song was over, Dongmyeong noticed you, “Oh, hey y/n. I thought you were on a trip?”

Harin’s head snapped up at the mention of your name, “you’re back!” a smile broke out on his face, “i thought you were coming back in two days”

Harin got out from behind the drums and picked you up and spun you around, “I missed you so much”

“I missed you too and I messed up the dates and accidentally told you the wrong date i would come back” you smiled sheepishly

Harin turned to the other members “practice is over for today right?” they nodded in return and watched as Harin grabbed his bag and your hand, “you haven’t eaten, right? let’s go eat. you need to tell me everything that happened”

Kanghyun:

Hyungu knew that you needed this vacation so he tried not to call and text you too much. He couldn’t help it and still texted you quite often but just small texts like “how’s your day?” “have you eaten?” “I love you”

To be honest, you felt a little lonely all by yourself in the large hotel room. You weren’t too far away from home but you didn’t want to go home just yet becuase then you’d have to go to work again, where you’ll fall under pressure and stress.

You were wishing that Hyungu had come along with you and looked forward to the small messages he sent you so you could call him. 

“Hyungu, are you busy?” you called him 

“No, what’s up?” he asked 

“Talk with me for a while then” you wanted to hear his voice but you wanted to see his face even more. 

That evening, you decided that three days was long enough vacation. You took a week off from work so you’ll just spend the rest of your vacation days with him at his house. 

You took a cab to his house and rang the doorbell. Harin opened the door and was surprised to see you here with your bags in hand. He invited you inside, “Hyungu’s not home right now” he answered before you had asked

“Oh, we’ll i’ll just wait for him then. In the meantime, how have you been?” you talked with Harin for a while. You explained how it was lonely at the hotel by yourself and asked if it was okay to stay with them for the remaining of your vacation. 

“We don’t have a room for you but I guess you can sleep in Hyungu’s bed with him, if you’re fine with sharing the room with Yonghoon hyung and me too” he suggested

“I don’t mind, i’m just thankful that you’ll let me stay here because it’s too lonely at my house too” you hugged Harin as a way to thank him

“You can put your bags in the room and Hyungu will be home soon” Harin said making dinner. 

You helped him make dinner and as you set the food on the table, Hyungu walked through the front door, “what’s for dinner?” he asked staring at his phone, his hand hovering over the ‘send’ button

When no one answered, he looked up. He stares at you for a second before rubbing his eyes. He’s still just standing there, “go wash up for dinner” you say

He walks over to you and hugs you tight, “you’re back early” he mumbled 

“yeah, it was lonely so i’m going to stay with you until the end of my vacation“ you shared the news

He bounced from side to side doing a happy dance, “yay! we can have a sleepover!” he said excitedly 

Dongmyeong:

You went on a year-end field trip for uni. It was held in Jeju Island this year. Dongmyeong was singing all your favorite songs non-stop because he couldn’t see you in person. 

Your hotel got mold so you guys had to cut the trip short. You decided to meet with Dongmyeong. 

You entered his house and heard him singing [your favorite song name]. “Since when have you liked that song so much?” you asked him 

He jumped up out of his seat when he saw you. “y/n! I missed you so much! You’re back!” he rushed over to pull you into a hug and kisses  

“You’re squishing me!” you laugh

He pinched your cheeks, “you’re cute”

You smiled widely, “but i missed you sooooo much~”

He returned your smile, his dimples popping out. You poke his dimples causing him to laugh more, “what have you been up to?” you ask

“singing all your favorite songs“ he replied before burting out into song

You smack him lightly, “you’re too loud, you’ll wake everyone up, it’s like 11 pm”

CyA:

Your friend has been going through a rough patch so you decided to go visit her to comfort her. 

Giuk was keeping busy to avoid missing you too much because he knew your friend needed you. He was working in his studio, late again. 

Usually you brought him food and kept him company whenever he stayed up working but you weren’t coming today. 

Your friend has been doing much better and now she’s back on her feet. You say goodbye to her and head back home. As you’re on your way home you call Dongmyeong to ask if Giuk is at the dorms or the studio. 

You thank him and hang up. You weren’t sure if he’s eaten or not but knowing him, he probably forgot. You bought both a meal and some snacks. You head to his studio. 

The door is open and you see him staring at his phone, almost hesitating.

“I brought food~“ you say holding up the bag

He doesn’t turn around, instead mutters to himself, “I must be going crazy. I can hear y/n’s voice now”

You laugh out loud and walk towards him and hug him from behind, “i’m actually here, dummy” 

He turned around and hugged you immediately, “i missed you so much!”

“me too~ what are you working on?” you pointed to his computer which had a new composition on it

He showed you the song he was working on currently, glad to be by your side again. You both ate in his studio before heading home, he slept over at your place because he wanted to be with you after being away from you for so long.

#onewe #yonghoon #harin #kanghyun #hyungu #dongmyeong #cya #giuk #onewe x reader #yonghoon x reader #harin x reader #kanghyun x reader #hyungu x reader #dongmyeong x reader #cya x reader #giuk x reader #weve #fanfic #fanfiction #scenario #onewe scenario #request #surprise visit

[fangirling-throughlife]

So close, and still so far

Word count: 2517 words. 

A/N. This is the first non-academic thing I’ve written in a year or so, so it might not be the best. Inspired by the song So Close by Jon McLaughlin and one of my favourite movie scenes ever, the dancing scene in Enchanted with Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, Idina Menzel and James Marsden. Comments are appreciated!!

“Peter Moore and Ella Lewis invite you to their engagement party, on Saturday 22nd August.”

It shouldn’t be a surprise, as Brian had told him about the engagement, but having the invitation in his hand made his heart stop. Peter and Ella had been a couple, The Couple of their group, ever since their high school senior year. Now that they both had graduated college, it was the logical next step. After all, Ella and Peter complemented each other. She was as organised as he was playful, she was as logical as he was spontaneous. They were the power couple, and they were so absolutely right for each other that it made no sense to avoid the unavoidable.

Still, Shawn’s mouth went dry, and for a moment he seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. His best friend in the world was getting married. The person who knew everything about him, his rock, his muse. The girl he’d written every single song about. The love songs, the heartbreak songs and the hopeful songs. His world revolved around Ella Lewis, and she would never know it did.

As if life were mocking him, he heard his phone ring with the sound of her favourite song, Everything I Do by Bryan Adams. Shawn had to swallow twice before he was sure he’d sound normal.

“Hey there!” he tried to sound as cheerful as possible.

“Hi, Shawnie! I was wondering if you’d got the invitation, because almost everybody replied and you didn’t.” she sounded excited. Of course she did. She had just graduated top of her class, and now she was organising a party to celebrate her engagement to the love of her life.

“Yeah, just got it. I was about to call Andrew to ask if there was any problem with me going.” He lied. He knew that, in the writing process, he was mostly the one who organised his own schedule, so he could free that day without any problem. But he wanted to seem busy, for some stupid reason.

“Uh… Alright, I guess?” He could picture her nibbling her lower lip. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, but couldn’t you try and get the day off? It’s pretty important for us, and all our friends are gonna be there, and…” She was pacing now, he could hear her footsteps down the stairs. He was being cruel, he knew that. But he couldn’t tell her that he’d leave everything just to make her happy. He didn’t have a partner, and music was all he had. She couldn’t know she came first.

“I’ll talk to him, I promise.” He heard her low hum, and the click of a pen. “So, anyways, congratulations! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me though.” A text would’ve been nice, he added mentally. Just so he could prepare himself for the gruesome conversation that they were having.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been busy with some paperwork, and my final project and stuff, so I’ve been a bit out of it. This is honestly the first day I’m fully invested in this, so call yourself lucky that you’ve been the very first person I thought of!” Against his own judgement, his heart sped up, but the little mean voice in his head reminded him that she thought of him while organising her engagement party. He knew he was being ridiculous letting his hopes up.

“Lucky me!” He forced a chuckle. “By the way, congratulations on your graduation. I have no clue what your final project was about but I heard the guys say it was ground-breaking.” He tried to steer away the conversation from the invitation on his table.

“Oh, thanks! It wasn’t that big of a deal, truth to be told. Sheldon Cooper would’ve totally mocked me.” He rolled his eyes. There was no real person to criticise her work, so she went to fictional characters. “By the way, are you bringing a plus one? Camila, perhaps? Haven’t seen her in ages.”  

Hearing her mention Camila felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“Um, I’ll have to get back to you about that. I don’t think she’ll be able to make it, though.”

“Erm… Okay, I guess? I mean, it’s not a big party, or anything. But I wanted to have it…”

“Controlled.” Shawn interrupted her.

“Well, yeah it comes down to that.” She giggled. “Hey, I’ve got to go. Peter’s family is coming over to have lunch, I’ve got to go check on him in the kitchen. Love you!”

“Love you too!” If only she knew how true that was, he sighed as he heard that she’d hung up.

 Ella was a very dedicated person. Whenever she had an interest, or a plan or a goal, she was invested a 100%. Her engagement party was no different. That was the reason why she didn’t reach out to Shawn in the month prior to the party. She spoke to Vanessa, her maid of honour, and to Brian, who would be Peter’s best man, but her interactions with Shawn went no further than a couple of texts to check up on each other every couple days. He seemed busy, he never said much. Honestly, she was busy as well, so she didn’t dwell on it. That went on until three days before the party, at 2 a.m.

She would be lying if she said he woke her up. Her body wasn’t used to her new-found freedom, so she couldn’t sleep until past 2 or 3 in the morning. She spent those late hours, when Peter was already asleep, reading scientific papers, reading books or playing the keyboard. After spending so many late nights working on papers and studying, she felt like her mind was the sharpest when the world was asleep. And, suddenly, after almost a month of silence, Shawn was calling her.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asks. Being friends with Shawn for years, she knew that this could very easily be a breakdown. She closed the door of her study room so she didn’t wake Peter.

“I love you, you know that?” It was very clear that he was drunk. Very drunk.

“Of course I do, Shawnie.” Ella could hear him open a bottle of something, then knocking something over, and taking a big gulp. “Is that why you’re calling me? I’m not mad or anything, I was reading. But… do you know what time it is?”

Her words seemed to get lost and never reach the other side of the line. “You know, Kid in Love is actually about you. And so is Never Be Alone. And Imagination.” She was startled. She knew he had a crush on someone in their friend group, but she never imagined it was her.

“So… It was me you had a crush on in junior year?”

“And so are Because I Had You, and If I Can’t Have You, and Mercy…” He lost track of his own train of thought, because he went silent.

“Are you really saying you’re in love with me, Shawn?” Those words were difficult to speak out. He couldn’t do that to her.

“Do you remember when I was just the Vine kid and we were sitting in my room looking for a song to cover? And we kinda jammed to Everything I Do? I tried to tell you then. And when I got drunk for the first time because of just one beer and I kissed you? You started dating Peter a week later and I brushed it off.” Every word Shawn said felt like a dagger directed to her heart. Tears were threatening to fall, and she let out a silent sob. “It has always been you. You're with somebody I can't be. But I can tell that you're happy.” He started singing. “I know you and Peter are a perfect match, don’t worry. But I needed to get this out of my system, you know?”

At that point, she couldn’t hide the fact that she was crying. And Shawn heard her ragged breathing, which seemed to sober him up.

“Oh, El. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, very deeply sorry.” He started crying as well. “I’m such an idiot. I’ve kept it to myself for so many years, and I tell you now. I understand if you don’t want to see me ever again, if you hate me now. Oh my god, El. I hate myself so much now.”

As much pain as he was causing her, he was still her Shawn, her younger brother from another mother (by six exact months, she reminded him continuously). She had had a crush on him for a few months, back when he was writing Handwritten. Now she knew that those songs she hoped he wrote for her were actually about her. Knowing it didn’t change anything though. She was wearing Peter’s ring, because she was in love with him, because they balanced each other out. While Ella considered Shawn to be her little brother, Peter was her best friend, her soulmate.

“It’s okay, Shawn. I’m just shocked… Why… why would you keep that from me?”

“I’m so stupid, I was nervous you’d make fun of me and hate me. It’s okay if you do now. I mean, not okay, obviously, but I’d understand.” Another sob escaped his mouth.

“Shawn, I don’t hate you. You’re… you’re like my little brother. I just wish you would’ve told me sooner. I could’ve helped you get over me.” She let out a sad chuckle. “We’ll see if some of my friends from uni is your perfect match at the party, okay?”

Shawn couldn’t believe his luck. He was so drunk he wouldn’t remember any of it in the morning, yet she wasn’t mad at him. Peter could never know what jewel of a person he was marrying. What Shawn didn’t notice was that he was thinking out loud.

“If his words are any pointer to go by, he knows.” This time, her laugh was genuine. “Shawnie, go to bed. Sleep this off. I’ll see you at the party, okay? I… I’ll see you.”

Ella couldn’t bring herself to tell him she loved him. She honestly did, but it felt wrong to say it, now that he’d said he was IN love with her.

She looked at the clock. Half past two. The crying had been very tiresome, so she’d give sleeping a go. She entered the room on her tiptoes, but somehow, Peter sensed her coming in.

“Love… what’s the matter? I’ve heard you crying.” He sounded worried.

She didn’t even give it a second thought. The conversation between Shawn and her would remain private. Peter didn’t need to know. Hell, she wasn’t even sure Shawn would remember in the morning.

“It’s nothing. I was watching kitten videos.” She mentally facepalmed. It was probably the lamest excuse she’d ever given. But Peter just shrugged, patted on the bed and snuggled into her neck as soon as she laid down. “I love you.” Ella whispered. Peter was already sleeping, because he answered with a hum, just one beat too late.

 On the day of the party, everything was perfect. Ella had organised it, so nobody was surprised. Everything, from the pins in her hair till the wine that was served, had been handpicked and controlled. She was a quantum physicist, after all. She liked details and perfection. The guests started to arrive with gifts, and she greeted them all like a perfect hostess. Peter was chatting with his grandmother when she saw a familiar set of curls by the open door. The smile on his face as he approached her could mean two things: he had let go of the whole situation or, most probably, he had forgotten all about it.

“Hey, El. Nice party.” He greeted her with a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, Shawn. Peter’s over there,” she pointed to him “and the rest of the group are somewhere inside. Probably close to the snacks.” She chuckled. “I’ll catch you guys later.” With that, she turned to greet her cousin and her nephew. “Hi! Thanks for coming.”

 Even though Ella enjoyed being the perfect hostess, half an hour later her mouth was so dry she needed a glass of something. When she approached the table, Shawn was pouring himself a glass of white wine. “I’ll have one of those as well, Shawn.” She half asked-half demanded. He nodded, acknowledging her words, and gave her his new glass. It wasn’t until he was done pouring a second glass that he looked at her.

“Look, El. I’m sorry about anything I said last Wednesday. I don’t remember all of it, but I’m pretty sure it included me confessing you my…” Ella quickly cut him off.

“It’s alright. I’ve thought about it and, honestly, I feel sorrier for you, for not being able to help you, than for the situation.” Shawn nodded solemnly.

“So… water under the bridge?” Instead of answering, Ella simply hugged him, and she felt Shawn’s chest relaxing.

Ella closed her eyes, happy that they had finally made amends. Suddenly, she felt Shawn humming a song that sounded familiar. She focused on the music that played softly from the stereo. So Close by Jon McLaughlin. She hadn’t realised that it was still on the playlist. She loved the song, but it didn’t seem suitable for an engagement party.

So close to reaching that famous happy end. Almost believing this one's not pretend. Now you're beside me, and look how far we've come. So far, we are so close.

Just like in the movie, her favourite movie, he whispered the words in her ear. They weren’t dancing though, just merely swaying in place.

Ella felt sorry for Shawn. She didn’t understand how she could have missed the song when she was grooming the playlist to engagement party-appropriate songs. She hoped Shawn didn’t take it to heart. He was still her best friend, and she hoped that nothing would ever change that.

For Shawn, hearing that song, at that exact moment, was bittersweet. Somehow fitting. He was saying goodbye to the love of his life, who considered him a brother, who was marrying the love of her life. He was holding her close; he could pretend for a moment that he was hers. But he knew it was a lie, a hopeful thought. He would always love her; he would always be there for her.

As the final chord of the song died out and something else, much happier, started to sound, they started to become aware of their surroundings again. They let go of each other, and they smiled as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“I love you, Shawnie.” “I love you, El.”

They both walked towards their friends, sharing a secret that nobody knew. Ella’s eyes were gentle, and her laugh was genuine, and nothing had changed between them. And Shawn knew that was the first step to heal. His smile was bright, and he was having fun. Ella decided to let him be. She’d tell him they were moving some other day.

#shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fluff #so close #enchanted #shawn mendes imagine

[lov3nerdstuff]

Wicked Game {Part 3}

~Professor Hiddleston AU~

*Tom Hiddleston x reader*

Part: 3/?

Words: 4k

Warnings: Professor x student (college AU)

Summary: After transferring to a new university for the last year of your master's, you meet Professor Hiddleston and soon find yourself unable to stay away from him.

A.N.: I really suck at summaries, I'm so sorry 😅 this is a slow burn romance with lots of pining 💗 so this is where things get really interesting!!! I've currently finished chapter 5 already and I honestly can't wait for y'all to sit squealing on the edge of your seats haha

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

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It was Tuesday, another day with another Hiddleston class. That was your first thought when you woke up two hours before your alarm, groaning and tired. After admitting to yourself last night that you were indeed crushing on your professor, you had hardly been able to sleep at all. Even if you'd never have any kind of relationship with him outside of an entire professional one, you still felt like the past four weeks were heavy weight on your heart. You needed to talk to him, if only to apologise for whatever you'd done wrong in that first week. However you saw that there were limited ways to actually do that without making the awkwardness between you even worse. For a moment you were tempted to buy him coffee once again, but quickly dismissed the idea. Maybe you could try to stay after class and talk to him… but then you'd be a small spark in the raging fiery pool of girls, desperate for his attention. An email? That seemed a little bit impersonal, even for your weird whatever-it-was. So you settled for a small note that you'd drop in his office before class. Rolling out of bed (despite it being so fucking early, dark and cold) you wrapped yourself in your blanket like a burrito and sat down at your desk. You wouldn't use any of your fancy paper or pens, that would've been a bit too much, but a plain white sheet and a plain black pen would do.

Dear Mr. Hiddleston.

I couldn't help but notice how, over the past weeks, things have been weird between us and I hate it and I want you to be nice again because I'm heavily crushing on you and this is fucking stupid.

You groaned and hit your head against the tabletop. That wouldn't work, not at all. You needed to talk to him, before class, even if it was only to briefly get your apology out. If things remained weird after that, at least you couldn't blame yourself for not trying to better thing between you. But you also wanted to do more than say sorry, you wanted to make him smile, to see him happy like on the first day you had met. So you got out another piece of paper and aimed for something entirely different...

After taking a long and hot shower, you got dressed in something cute and comfortable, did your hair with a little more effort than usual and packed your bag for the long day ahead, hiding your little letter between a stack of books.

"Hey Y/n…" Your roommate came sauntering out of his room into the hallway and you could already tell that this day had just taken a turn for the worse. "Uhm, I have this thing going on tonight and… well, I don't think it's gonna be a good place for a… woman." He mumbled, not even brave enough to look you in the eye.

"You do realize that this is also my apartment and I pay more rent than you do?" You groaned, crossing your arms in front of your chest. This was not the time to deal with the fundamental problems of your housing, but obviously he was being serious about that.

"I know, I know… but please, Y/n, it's really important. Can't you stay with a friend for the night?" He whined, walking too close to you for your liking.

"I'm sure I will be fine in my room tonight." You replied defensively, backing up against the still closed front door.

"Those guys… you know, who always hang here… they saw you in that little dress you wore last night and well..." He insisted. "They always get what they want, you must know that!"

As you frowned deeply at him, he continued.

"Look, I'm just trying to look out for you. You really really really don't wanna be here tonight."

"Stop inviting people who want to harm me then!" You shouted, definitely not in the mood for this conversation. He was a fucking creep and you seriously considered getting into debt just to get away from here.

"I didn't invite them! They…" He started shaking a little. "I kinda owe them a little for… stuff. I beg of you Y/n to stay gone for just one night. Then I promise they won't ever come back."

"Not ever?" You asked roughly. "No more destruction, no more shouting, no more shadowy business?"

"I promise!" He stood straight and looked more or less serious about this.

With a groan you returned to your room, grabbed all valuables you could stuff into your backpack (it weren't many for you'd always feared 'someone' would steal them), along with your materials for tomorrow's studies and then locked the door from the outside.

"I swear I'll call the cops if those guys ever come back. Or if anyone enters my room." You grumbled as you pushed past your roommate, repeatedly asking yourself why exactly you were doing him this favor.

"Thank you Y/n, I owe you!" He called after you as you stepped outside into the chilly morning air.

"Big time!" You called back, making your way to the Metro station. Only when you were starting to get uncomfortably cold, you realized that in the heat of the argument you had completely forgotten to put on your coat. With a sigh you decided that you wouldn't be outside for long anyway and just hurried even more on your way to uni.

After a short debate with your bank account you got yourself a large coffee before heading to campus. It was still super early and you hoped that Hiddleston wouldn't be there so you could still get stuff done before he arrived. Unsure if it was the right thing to do, you slipped into his office unnoticed, placed the letter on his desk and made your way to the lecture hall as quickly as possible to have some more alone time to relax before the madness of the day would start.

______________

When Tom got out of his car, he quickly debated whether or not he needed a jacket for the short way to his office. Deciding against it, he only took a few steps before someone called out to him.

"Hey Tom!" His friend Benedict shouted from over at his car.

"Morning…" Tom sighed, slinging his bag around his shoulders.

"What's got you so moody?" He inquired as he joined Tom in his walk towards the building.

"Nothing I want to talk about, Ben…"

"Oh, come on! Is it the freshman class? I told you those…"

"No, it's not the freshmen!" Tom rolled his eyes and glared at his friend for making him talk. "I… have issues with a student."

Now it was Benedict's turn to roll his eyes. "Oh don't tell me it still gets you all upset when you have to give people a bad grade. That happens all the time!"

"No, it's not about the grades." He sighed, digging his hands into his pockets.

"Is it those girls who appear seemingly out of nowhere to stalk you? We've talked about that before, it happens to me, too, all the time…" He talked on and on and Tom didn't know if he should laugh at his rambling or punch him in the shoulder.

"Just let it go. Please, Ben, I don't want to talk about it right now."

Benedict shrugged. "If you say so… but I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thanks…" Tom said as they walked through the main door, enjoying the warmth that surrounded him here in the hallway.

"Good morning! Mr. Hiddleston, Mr. Cumberbatch…" A female student squealed at them out of nowhere, making both men jump. To their luck, she walked away as quickly as she had appeared.

"Does this get worse every single day or is it just me?" Tom asked his friend as they continued their way to the faculty's tower.

"I think you're just having a bad day."

"More like a bad month."

"Is that when your 'issues' started? A month ago? But that was…"

"Yeah. First day of classes." Tom ran a hand through his hair and turned to Benedict sharply. "If you must know, I'm having a really, REALLY hard time not doing something incredibly stupid and it's slowly eating me up from the inside. Are you happy now?"

Benedict just stared at his friend in surprise, for Tom was the last person who would ever snap at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… well." Tom apologized immediately, sounding more like himself again.

"It's fine. Maybe you should try to get your issues with the student sorted out, even if it's annoying. Talk to them, today if you can. I can't have my best friend walking around looking like he might murder someone soon." Benedict gave him an encouraging smile once they reached his office, then he disappeared behind a stack of books on his desk.

Already feeling a little better, Tom made his way to his own office. Ben was right, he needed to do something about this mood he had fallen into. After all, he enjoyed his work and he enjoyed teaching. And that meant he would have to talk to you. Soon.

When he walked into his office, it took him a moment to shake off the gloom of the morning, but the prospect of talking to you today got his heart beating and the corners of his lips twisting upwards. Once he finally sat down behind his desk, he spotted a neatly folded piece of paper on pile of books. Frowning, he unfolded it and started to read.

I wish I wrote the way I thought; obsessively, incessantly, with maddening hunger. I'd write to the point of suffocation. I'd write myself into nervous breakdowns, manuscripts spiraling out like tentacles into abysmal nothing. And I'd write about you a lot more than I should. - Benedict Smith

For a long while Tom stared at the little piece of paper and the neat handwriting. He had read that quote before and thought that it held a lot of truth in it. If we would just write straight out what we thought instead of censoring ourselves, we would reach a deeper level of authenticity, and of understanding for literature. Whoever had placed this little quote here in his office must've known that he would appreciate it; probably one of his colleagues after he'd left last night. It wasn't really important who sent it, but that it made Tom smile. In fact, he was still smiling when he walked to the lecture hall for his literature class. Before he could even open the door, he already heard a quiet voice singing inside and his stomach started doing backflips. But he had wanted to talk to you and he would do it.

"Good morning." He announced his presence as he stepped into the room, his voice a little hoarse. You jumped, making him bite his bottom lip to suppress the smirk that wanted to force its way through his barriers.

"Good morning professor!" You replied in a voice that sounded just as nervous as he felt. "I'm sorry about my singing, again…"

"And again I say don't worry about it." He smiled at you politely. "I enjoy the song. Very much so. Wicked Game… it's one of my favorites."

"Oh…" You looked at the books in front of you and Tom asked himself why on earth he had to keep making you uncomfortable all the time.

"Uhm… Miss L/n…" He started, unsure of how to put into words what he needed to get out. "Would you… would you be so kind and help me put these papers on everyone's tables?"

"Of course!" Your reply came quickly and he couldn't help but genuinely smile as you tried to climb out of the tower of books you had built around yourself.

"I wanted to talk to you anyway, Mr. Hiddleston…" You said as he handed you a stack of paper. "I… I'm not sure what I have done wrong during the first week of class, but since then I feel like I'm on your bad side. And I would very much like to change that. I'm very sorry if I have overstepped my boundaries or been disrespectful."

When Tom looked at you, standing right in front of him with eyes so sad that he could drown in your unshed tears, he felt his heart break a little. His eyes went wide in surprise and regret and he couldn't blame himself more for your sadness. Yet, he found himself at a loss for words once again, opening and closing his lips like a fish stranded at the shore.

"You… you have done absolutely nothing wrong, I'm so sorry that I made you think that." He finally got out and saw you visibly relax in front of him. He, however, still felt miserable and it showed.

"Are you alright?" You asked, looking concerned. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No!" His reply came too quickly and his mouth felt utterly dry. "I… I'm sorry, I've had a rough month. If I made you feel uncomfortable or unappreciated… in class, I dearly apologize for doing so."

You let out a long breath, looking at the papers in your arms, then back at Tom with a small smile. "Thank you, professor. This was kind of really important to me, I absolutely love your classes and it was…" You stopped mid-sentence, looking away from him.

"Please do go on." He smiled at you, a sincere and curious smile and he watched you blush adorably.

"Well, it's just… I tried so hard to be good enough that I got quite far ahead." You bit your bottom lip and peaked up at him through your lashes.

"What's so bad about that?" He leaned his head to one side and kept smiling at you, unable to stop now that he knew that you weren't, in fact, mad at him.

"It's bad because I'm having a really hard time not interrupting you from time to time to throw in some new info that I read about." You laughed nervously. "I… kinda wanted to impress you."

Now it was for Tom to blush, he could feel the heat on his cheeks even before it became visible. At the same time however, a cold shudder ran from the top of his head right to his core.

"Well…" He smiled, which turned into more of a nervous laugh. From the red on your cheeks and the tiny smile on your face he could tell that you felt equally… hopeful about this conversation. "You already are the best student in any of my classes, that's for sure." He said. "And I would love to hear your opinion on the topics."

If he wasn't completely mistaken, there was a hopeful glimmer in your eyes, a spark of certainty and excitement that made him continue. "If… if you'd want that, you could… uhm… write down whatever you want to say in class, and whatever comes to your mind about the topics and give those notes to me at the end of class. I'll read over it and make my own comments, then pass it back to you and so forth."

Tom didn't know if he had just made his life easier or way more difficult, but when he looked at you positively beaming at him, he couldn't help but smile.

"I would love that." You replied with a huge smile of your own.

"You could call it extra credit, if you want…" He let out a breathy laugh and ran a hand through his already messed up hair.

"Nah, I don't want any credit for it." You grinned. "I'm just trying to learn."

"Not that you would need it anyway." Tom smiled back at you and after another minute of just being flustered and observing each other, he finally tore himself away from your captivating presence to pass out the papers before the rest of the class would take their seats. You did the same, humming quietly, but Tom could hear it nonetheless. As he placed paper upon paper on the tables his eyes kept darting between you and the task at hand. He felt like a giddy school boy, all tingly on the inside, but he forced his body and mind to calm down. He had wanted to ask you to discuss your opinions over coffee after the lecture, but fortunately he had realized soon enough that going out for coffee in the middle of the day would've been a bit too much. The idea with interchanging notes was both appropriate for a professional relationship and a good way to get to know you. Maybe, this arrangement would finally allow him to walk the thin line between his desire for you and his attempt to keep said desire to himself. However, your encounter today had also shown him that you wanted his attention, even if only on an academic level. And that you were by no means opposed to out-of-class time together. For a single day and after a whole month of pining on his part this was absolutely fabulous. So he didn't stretch his luck and went to prepare for his lecture.

_______________

You couldn't believe your luck when you sat back down in your chair, hiding your huge grin by sipping on your water. Talking to him had been such a good idea, and even if it had only made you fall for him so much more, you could at least be sure now that he wasn't mad at you. And he was willing to hear about your thoughts of the topics. That was so much more than you had hoped for, and yet so much less than you had dreamed of. Digging through your backpack, you pulled out a journal that only had the first few pages filled. Those you ripped out carefully and done: you had a place to take notes for Hiddleston.

With a loud slump, Sky sat down next to you and immediately started talking.

"Y/n, you won't believe what just happened!" She sighed while the other students started to take their seats.

You could see Hiddleston grinning to himself, before you turned your head towards your friend. "Try me." You chuckled and rested your head in your hands while listening.

"Woah, what's the good mood about?" She asked with exaggerated surprise.

"You go first! What happened that is so incredible?" You laughed at her and poked her in the shoulder with one finger.

"I know I said I'm not into dating and stuff… but there's this amazing person and they… asked me out. I said yes, can you believe that! We're going for dinner tonight." Sky grinned at you and seemed genuinely excited.

You couldn't help but grin in return. "That's amazing! A nice boy, or girl, or whoever, will do you good."

"They don't label themself and I won't either. I'm cool with that." She shrugged. "I'm just really excited."

"Yeah I get that!" You laughed. "I wish you good luck with them and a very nice evening."

"Thank you!" Sky sighed and bit her lip. "Uhm… I know that's a really stupid thing to ask of you, but I'm kinda super broke at the moment and also kinda super hungry…"

You rolled your eyes with a smile. "I can buy you lunch after the lecture."

"Oh you're the absolute best Y/n! I'll pay you back, I promise!" She pulled you into a tight hug and you let it happen with a smile. Hopefully you still had enough cash to buy lunch for two…

"Alright, good morning everyone!" Mr. Hiddleston said loudly to get everyone's attention. "Let's get started on today's topic."

With a smile, you turned towards the front and started your written commentary of the lecture.

"What are you doing?" Sky whispered to you once she noticed that you weren't taking notes of what your professor said, but instead writing down little snippets of information or thoughts.

"... Extra credit?" You mused, only partially happy with your answer.

"Is that why you seem so happy?" She grinned. "Because you talked to our handsome puppy down there?" She motioned toward Hiddleston with her head.

You let out a way too loud snort at her words, which made a few people turn their heads towards you, but Sky didn't seem to mind. "Actually… Yeah, Hiddleston seems so much happier than usual. You did talk to him didn't you!" Sky playfully punched you in the shoulder. "Asked him out on a date yet?"

"Sky!" You hissed, blushing bright red. "He's a professor! Stop those wicked comments…"

"But you can't seriously tell me anymore that you're not crushing on him. C'mon Y/n! You're practically undressing him with your eyes!"

"Stop it! I'm not!" You tried to keep your voice down as much as possible. When Sky looked at you with an who-are-you-kidding expression, you rolled your eyes. "Alright, I… I kinda might have a little crush on him, okay? Can you shut up now?"

Sky pretend to zip her lips closed and you could finally focus back on the lecture.

After class was over and everyone was packing their bags, you thought about it for a second and then added can't wait to hear your thoughts :) to your notes. Then you flipped the journal shut, sealed it with the weird elastic that was attached to it and grabbed your stuff.

"You coming?" Sky asked as she made for the exit.

"Gimme a sec, I gotta talk to Hiddleston." You replied and ignored the knowing grin that Sky shot your way.

You kept your eyes fixed on him as you pushed your way through the usual crowd of girls and when you reached the very front, a few of them even started protesting and elbowing you in the ribs.

Once he noticed you, he simply ignored the babbling girl he was forced to listen to before and you could see the despair in his eyes.

"Uhm, professor, I… we have to go to this… meeting… with the board, immediately, you remember…?" You said loudly and motioned towards the door, hoping he would catch on.

And he did, after a mere second of doubt. "Ah, yes! How could I forget that!" He replied, grabbed his bag in an instant and started making his way through the crowd, following closely behind you. "I'm very sorry, but you all will have to come to my office hours or send an email if you want your questions answered." He called over his shoulder at the irritated girls, while he rushed towards the exit with you. At the door, you grabbed Sky by the arm and lead your group of three around the next corner before finally slowing down.

"What on earth was that?" Sky laughed, looking at you, then at Mr. Hiddleston.

"That, Miss Monroe, was a brilliant save in the last second." He replied with a chuckle. "Miss L/n here saved me a good thirty minutes of meaningless questions from attention seeking students."

You held out the journal to him and grinned. "Did it for utterly selfish reasons. I didn't want to wait to hand this in."

He took the black notebook from you and held it tightly again his chest. "Thank you nonetheless." With another smile he bowed ever so slightly, making Sky giggle.

"Have a nice day, you two." He said then and walked a few steps down the hallway, before turning around once again. "Oh, and Y/n! I'll let you know when you can pick up the notebook." With that and a huge grin, he made his way towards his office, rounding a corner and then he was out of sight.

"Oh well, that was something…" Sky laughed, starting into the opposite direction to head to the cafeteria.

You however remained frozen to the spot, staring after your professor.

"Y/n? Are you okay?" Sky asked with concern once she noticed that you weren't coming.

"He…" You frowned, feeling hot and cold, numb and very much alive at the same time. "He just used my first name…"

_______________

General Tags:

@its-remy-not-ratatouille @wegingerangelica @thidls12333

Wicked Game Tags:

@just-the-hiddles @inmyworstlies @lotus-eyedindiangoddess @foodthatsgoodforyoursoul @jessalynjones1989 @dark-night-sky-99 @hiddles-lobotomy @shockwavee @laudylovesyou @maze-lt101 @cupcakeangelness @fairlightswiftly @lys-syl @ordinarygirlfromasmalltown @pinkzz123 @spookycatqueen @exygon @izzy10718 @jenna-sakura @hiddlescastle @starklymydear @darkprincessloki92 @kinghiddlestonanddixon @alt-er-love-er-alt @timetraveler1978 @dreary-skies-stuff @daddys-littlewhitegirl @justthatfangirloverthere @lucantis @missvilsana

#tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston #professor hiddleston #professor loki #Loki #loki fanfic #loki fluff #loki fandom #loki of asgard #loki (marvel) #loki #loki laufeyson #loki x you #loki odinson #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston x you #tom hiddleston x y/n #reader insert #wicked game

[jungshookz]

a thought just came to me and i had to share- ceo y/n finding pics of yoongi in college (think 2013/14 yoongi) and lOSING HER MIND then finding out he used to be a soundcloud rapper in his spare time and she’s just is just like wtf!!?!?! bc he is a COMPLETELY different person and old age rly changes a person

→ pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ genre: ceo!yoongiverse!!!!! y/n is all heart-eyes emoji over uni!yoongi!!! and she can’t believe he bleached his hair once upon a time!!!!! 

→ wordcount: 1.9k

→ note: hi i LOVEd this and i had to write a drabble for it and also i want everyone to know that i have a rly big crush on 2013 yoongi 

(gif isn’t mine!)

                                           ★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

you don’t know how you’ve never stumbled across this box before

but oh boy

you just hit the jackpot babY

it was an accident, really

you were just trying to find one of hwayoung’s spare blankies because she’s spending the night with jimin (it’s date night for you and yoongi!!!)  

so you went into the storage room and started going through the boxes because you couldn’t find it in her closet

and this shoe-box certainly didn’t look like a blanket was going to be in it but you figured it wouldn’t hurt to check

and that’s when you found the hidden treasure

“what… in the world…?” you whisper to yourself as you pull out a dusty CD

you flip it over to read what’s scribbled on the front

‘agust d - mixtape by suga’

“mixtape by suga.” you mutter before narrowing your eyes and giving the cover photo a reaLLy good look

is that…,,.,. is that yoongi?

you recognise his eye lol

…but also why is his hair bleaCHed

you shake your head and set it aside before continuing to rummage through the shoe box

the next thing you pull out is a vEry worn out looking notebook

oOH

is it a journal

journals are supposed to be personal but let’s be real

ur super nosy

you probably won’t be able to read anything but you’ll look through it anyways lolz

you flip through it and your brows knit together when you notice that these aren’t diary entries

they’re.,.,. song lyrics

most of them are in korean (obviously) so unfortunately you have no idea what you’re reading but luckily there are some english lines

“…my tongue technology?” you tilt your head

what does that even mean

okay

how about the little stack of polaroids  

let’s just take a look…

“oh my god. oh my god!!!!” you practically squEal as you flip through the stack  

oh my goodness!!!!!!

a baby!!!!!

he looks so young!!!!!!!!

jesus he’s cute

not that he’s not cute anymoRE but like

wowie

anyways

maybe you’ll give the cd a listen after jimin comes by to pick hwayoung up

you can’t help but wonder why yoongi’s never showed you this stuff before

you tuck the photos back in the box before picking it up with you as you get up off the ground

you can’t waIt til he gets back >:-)

“y/n?”

you perk up when you hear the front door slam shut and reach down to turn the stove down on a little

time to get this show on the road

you wipe your hands off on the tea towel before scurrying out of the kitchen to greet ur hardworking husband

“jimin swung by to pick hwayoung up already?” yoongi furrows his brows when he spots hwayoung’s playpen with nO hwayoung in it

darn!!

he was hoping to see her before she left for the night

“mm, you just missed him.” you smile softly and yoongi leans in to press his mouth against yours in a sweet kiss “how was your day?”

you giggle softly when he circles an arm around your waist and starts planting teasing kisses down your jaw

“it was okay… you know, the usual.” he pulls away to give you a quick kiss before pulling his suit jacket off “how was yours?”

“it was alright.” you shrug and bend down to pick his backpack up off the floor “i wrapped hwayoung’s hair up in a little ice-cream towel after i washed her hair and i took a picture of it to show you!!! dinner will be ready soon but… do you want any tea or anything?” you hum and plop his bag down on the couch

“mm, i’m good.” yoongi loosens his tie and shakes his head “i’m going to hop in the shower… you should join me.” he suggests slyly and reaches over to wrap his fingers around your wrist

you giggle when he leans in to kiss u again and the back of your knees hit the arm of the couch as he pushes you back gently

“i have to keep an eye on dinner”

“just turn the stove down for a while” yoongi hums and hooks a finger into the waistband of your shorts

you smack his arm gently

“gO take a shower… suga.”

yoongi freezes

he pulls away from you and his dark brows knit together

did you just-

is he having hearing problems or something because he swoRE he just heard you say-

“what did you just call me?”

you wiggle out of his grip

“i don’t know, agust d. what did i just call you?” you bend down and pull a shoebox out from underneath the coffee table

yoongi pales

o god

a smile creeps onto your face and yoongi pales when you flip the lid off before pulling out a vEry familiar looking notebook and CD out from it

o gOD

hoW DID YOU-

“where did you find that?”

“in the very, very back of the closet.” you sigh happily and open up the notebook

yoongi immediately reaches over but you move away before he gets the chance to snatch it from you

there’s a moment of silence

all of a sudden he practically lunGEs for the box but you grab it and hug it to your chest before scurrying to the other end of the couch

yoongi lets out a groan

“y/n.” he raises a brow “hand me the box and nobody gets hurt.”

you take a step towards the staircase

yoongi does the same

“over.. my… dead… bODY-!” you immediately make a sprint for the staircase and yoongi hOT on your trail

you’re practically cackling with glee as you bound up the stairs before bursting into the bedroom

“give it to me you brAT-“

before you get a chance to shut the door you feel yoongi’s arm snake around your waist and pull you backwards and the box goes fLying up into the air before it (thankfully) lands on the bed

“you know i already looked through the box, right?” you laugh lightly and glance back at yoongi

he lets out a quiet groan “…of course you did.”

“i couldn’t help it!!!!” you sit down on the edge of the bed and yoongi sits down on the other end

“and i bet you have a lot of questions for me, don’t you?”

“oh, i have a million questions for you, suga.”

the two of you start cleaning up the tiny mess and you smile lightly as you pick up another picture

yoongi clears his throat

“back in uni i used to…” he pauses as he flips through his notebook

it’s so weird going through this book again after years of it collecting dust in the closet

it’s weird thinking that he could’ve become a rapper instead of a businessman lol

“i used to be a soundcloud rapper and stuff buT i don’t know it’s not a big deal and also looking back it’s actually kind of embarrassing liKE i wrote a line in one of my songs about taking someone to hong kong because of my tongue technology but-“

“how old were you in these pictures??” you coo as you look through some more of the pictures

what a heartthrob!!!!!!!

yoongi leans over to look at the photo

he purses his lips in thought

“like… 20?“

aH

so he would’ve been in his third year of university in these pictures

…oh you definitely would’ve had a crush on him if you guys went to uni together

if he was in his third year yoU would’ve been in your first year

you snort at the thought of 18 year old you drooling over 20 year old yoongi

it’s not much different to 24 year old you drooling over 26 year old yoongi now but still

“now, c’mon. put that away so we can go and take a shoWer-“

you gasp when you look at this next picture

jesus chRIST

you flip it around so yoongi can look at it and his face flushes

“…are you wearing makeup?”

“…it wasn’t mY idea okaY-“

“take it easy on the eyeliner next time!!!” you cackle as you hop up on the bed and wave the pictures around “oh yoongi you hAVe to let me frame these-“

you start bouncing up and down on the bed and yoongi snorts

“you are a child-“

“A to the G to U to the STD, A to the G to U to the sTD-“ you pump your arm up into the air as you continue bouncing around wildly “-woAH-“

yoongi whaCks the back of your knees and you buckle immediately

you can’t help but grin as you flop down on the bed and land on your back

you love teasing yoongi normally and noW you have so much new material to work with

yoongi settles in between your legs and pins an arm above your head

“you are insufferable.”

“it’s nothing to be embarrassed about!! i actually think it’s kinda sexy” you hum and reach up to run a hand through his hair

he hums and turns to press a kiss to your palm when you cup his cheek

“you do not think it’s sexy.”

“no, i’m serious!! are you kidding me?? 18 year old y/n would’ve dropped to her knees for you like that if she found out you were a somewhat successful soundcloud rapper.”

yoongi snorts and rolls his eyes as he crawls off of you and gets off of the bed “cut it ouT y/n”

you grin

you will never cut it out

in fact you’re going to amp it up a little bit just because you :) like :) pushing :) yoongi’s :) buttons

you watch as he starts to unbutton his shirt and you toss the pictures aside before getting on your hands and knees and crawling towards him

“aw, come on… i’m just an innocent little freshman who wants you to take her back to your soundproof studio-“ you purr and get up on your knees

you lean in and press your mouth against yoongi’s as your fingers undo a button

“oh yeah? what else do you want?”

a little role-play never hurts and yoongi will very happily play along

“want you to take me to hong kong with your tongue technology-” 

yoongi immediately lets out a groan

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

drabble tag

#requested drabbles #yoongi #yoongi drabbles #yoongi fic recs #yoongi fics #bts fics #bts fic recs #bts drabbles #yoongi cute #yoongi fluff #yoongi fluff recs #reader insert #ceo!yoongi drabbles #yoongi x reader

[screaminghalfpastmidnight]

“i don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you”

also on ao3

She knows that they’re lucky.

They’ve never been good at keeping things subtle (Kelly’s had to come find them after they’ve snuck off to makeout numerous times, always telling them they should be grateful Cassandra sent her) and Cassandra’s a perceptive person, especially when it comes to Allie. Keeping things from her sister means that they have to keep their relationship a secret from everyone, including Will and Becca and Sam. Kelly only knows because Harry slipped up while he was drunk one night (he’d apologized profusely after that, promising to make it up to her) and Allie trusts Kelly; she’s always cared about Harry and doesn’t have any reason to spread their secret around. 

They share stolen glances at every turn and sneak off whenever they can to spend time together. It’s difficult. Allie doesn’t do much without Cassandra and since no one else knows, she’s got no one to cover for her when she spends her time at Harry’s, under the covers, listening to him read to her. She’s surprised Cassandra hasn’t figured it out, but she’ll avoid the confrontation every chance she’ll get. Her choices are her own and while she stands by the one to be with Harry, she doesn’t want to get a lecture because of it. She knows him, and if she needed protection, she could protect herself (besides, Harry wouldn’t hurt her; he’s too lovesick to do that).

It’s the final night of the play; two days before they leave for the Smoky Mountains. She stares at him all night, wishing more than anything that once the curtain calls, she can kiss him like he deserves.

(She’s tried to convince him numerous times to follow his acting dreams, but his mother’s too far up his ass for that. It’s sad, but she knows he’ll end up okay. He always is.)

He hugs Kelly first, but winks at her the first chance he gets, just as she’s pulling Cassandra into a congratulatory hug. She doesn’t see him again until she’s said goodbye to her parents and collected her and Cassandra’s stuff from backstage, walking out to the audience area. He’s sitting on the side of the stage with Kelly beside him, Grizz and a few others laughing about something. Kelly invites them to Harry’s party. He already knows Allie’s going; the glint in his eye only she notices says that much. She plays it up for Cassandra’s sake. “Is that really the point, Harry?”

He watches her as she leaves, she can feel his eyes on her but as usual, no one else notices. High school, right?

She’s late to the party, waiting to finish dinner with her parents before Cassandra retires to her room. The adrenaline isn’t good for her heart, Allie knows, but she won’t stop her from acting. As soon as she arrives, she spots Harry playing beer pong with Luke and Helena, Jason on his side. He doesn’t see her come in, nor does anyone else, so she slips upstairs easily, lying down on his bed, waiting for him to come wait for her like he always does.

She’s up there for a half hour, scrolling through her phone before he shows up. He didn’t expect her to be here already, so he’s surprised when he sees her and a goofy grin immediately sticks itself to his face as he shuts the door behind him, launching at her. He buries his face in her neck, still laying down and she tugs her hands through his hair, kissing his cheek repeatedly. “You were so good tonight. I mean it. I was in awe.”

He pulls away, planting a kiss on her lips, then another. “You were amazing, too. Show can’t go on without the Assistant Stage Manager.”

She giggles, giving him another kiss before situating the both of them against his headboard. His parties usually go like this; he lounges in his bedroom with her until he’s needed downstairs and then when the partygoers have left, she’ll stay over at his place, waking up extra early in the morning so he can drive her back before her family wakes up. Despite the secrecy, it’s her favourite thing in the universe. She’s not sure how they’ll survive when he leaves for uni.

They’re cuddled up together, looking at puppy videos on his phone when there’s a loud crash from downstairs and a couple amused shouts. He groans, pressing a kiss to her temple and shifting her out of his lap, stretching as he gets up.

“Don’t go.”

He laughs, biting his lip. “If my mom’s vase is broken, she will dropkick me to Europe.”

Allie pouts at him (a tactic that almost always works) and he chuckles, leaning down to cup her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. “You could always come down with me.”

“Harry.” She frowns, warning him.

“I know, I know. I won’t push. It doesn’t matter, only you do.” He presses a kiss to her forehead, effectively wiping the frown off her features. “Are you staying tonight?”

She nods, as he makes his way towards the door. “Yeah. I might be asleep when you get back.”

“Sweet dreams, darling.” It’s only half of a joke. He shuts the door behind him, leaving her alone. She tries to watch the puppies again, but she can’t take her mind off him. The trip to the Smoky Mountains is in two days and she won’t even be able to sit with her boyfriend on the bus there. It’s the most romantic setting; skiing and hot chocolate and the two of them curled up by the fire, him reading Harry Potter to her. \

She huffs, tossing his phone onto the mattress and pulls herself up, prancing down the stairs. When she finds him through the mess of people, he’s pouring chips into a bowl in the kitchen, idly chatting to Becca who’s getting herself another drink. Allie takes a deep breath.

She stalks right up to him, grabbing his face with her hands and pulling him down so their lips meet, completely taking him by surprise. It doesn’t take long for him to kiss back though, arms twisting tightly around her waist. She can hear Becca gasp a little behind them but other than that, there are no whoops or whoos from any of their peers as Allie had expected. 

When she pulls away, he gazes at her in wonder. “What was that for?”

She keeps her arms around his neck, leaning into him, a smile playing on her lips. “Do you want to sit with me on the bus to the lodge?”

He lets out a breath, shaking his head, the corners of his mouth lifting up. “I love you. So much.”

“Is that a yes?”

He rolls his eyes lightheartedly. “Get over here.” He says, pulling her in for another kiss. Allie would’ve done this a while ago if she knew he’d kiss her like this.

#the society #hallie #my fics #my drabbles

[danfanciesphil]

too high (can’t come down) by @danfanciesphil

Suspending himself 7,000 feet above the rest of the world seems likely to be a sure-fire way for Dan to escape normality, and isolate himself for the foreseeable future. The Secret of the Alps, a small hotel tucked into the side of the Swiss mountains is too niche for most avid adventurers to have heard of, making it the perfect place for Dan to work as he sorts through his problems. Unfortunately, privacy is a coveted thing, and as Dan soon finds out, the hotel harbours one guest who values it more than most.

Rating: Explicit Tags: Enemies to lovers, snow, mountains, skiing, hostility, slow burn, secrecy, longing, repression, nobility, classism, cheating, eventual sex

Ao3 Link

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

**dedicated to @lilchupacabragirl whom it is my mission to smother in love and affection**

It’s 4 o’clock, and Dan is so tired he can barely think straight; he has no idea how he’s going to get through the rest of his shift. He wishes he could blame Phil for keeping him up so late, but Dan thinks he might have literally kicked Phil in the balls if he’d tried to go to sleep at a reasonable hour after making Dan wait all day for an insinuated ravishing.

Everyone is still in the mezzanine lounge, though the press conference ended abruptly after Nikolai’s little tumble. Phil and Nikolai are now sat at separate but adjacent tables, both surrounded by their own herd of grey-suited people, all of whom are muttering things at the men with severe expressions on their faces. On the tables are a smattering of official-looking papers, and, on Nikolai’s table, a jewellery box that Dan assumes contains that massive fucking diamond ring.

Martyn is beside Dan, at the edge of the room leant against the wood-panelled wall, observing. His arms are wrapped around his middle as he watches the grey-suits list their terms and stipulations, jabbing at the papers to tell Phil and Nikolai where to sign. Another two minutes go by and Martyn shifts from foot to foot, sighing impatiently. Dan doesn’t blame him; this has been going on for hours. Apparently divorce is not a simple procedure.

As Dan is about to feign needing to pee just for something to do, he notices someone winding their way through the crowd towards them. It’s Cornelia, in a big patterned jumper and ugly plaid school skirt, somehow looking like she both rolled through a charity shop and then ran down a fashion show runway. Atop her nest of vibrant red hair are two John Lennon-style coloured spectacles in a light yellow.

At the sight of her, Martyn freezes, pushing off the wall to stand straighter. “So,” Cornelia says in a low voice, eyeing Martyn with a smug smile. “You’ve come crawling back.”

Martyn’s looking rather flustered, if Dan’s not mistaken. “Corndog,” Martyn manages to spit out. She scowls at him, obviously disliking the nickname. “Still changing nappies for the Royal Toddler, I see.”

“Least I have the balls to stick it out,” Cornelia fires back. 

Dan’s starting to feel uneasy; there’s something rather worryingly familiar about this heated exchange.

Martyn takes a step towards her, brow creased. “You used to say you wanted to leave with me. I’m not sure chickening out of your word counts as ‘ballsy’.”

At the sight of Cornelia’s incensed responding expression, Dan jumps in, sensing something - though he’s not sure what - is about to kick off. 

“Hi, Cornelia,” he says quickly. 

She turns to Dan, deflating, seeming to notice him for the first time. “Oh. Hi, Dan. How’ve you been?”

“Um, y-yeah, fine thanks,” Dan replies, eyes flitting to Martyn, who is now turning his face away and tutting, rather like a bratty kid.

“I see you’ve met my arch nemesis,” she says, but if Dan’s not mistaken, there’s a smile hidden beneath her words.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Corndog,” Martyn scoffs, though now his mouth is twitching in a smile as well. “Run along, then. Don’t you have a posh twat to fawn over?”

Cornelia grins, then takes a step into Martyn’s personal bubble. It’s such an abrupt, intimate move that Dan almost looks away, sure he’s about to witness something inappropriate.

“Missed you too, Martian,” she murmurs, sending a very deliberate look towards his mouth; she’s a full foot shorter than Martyn, but something about her bold, confident stance as she looks up into his face, unblinking, exudes intimidation. 

She steps away, nodding quickly at Dan before heading back towards Nikolai, phone already pressed to her ear. Dan turns to Martyn, eyebrows halfway up his forehead.

“Err…”

“Look, Dan, let’s make a deal,” Martyn says gruffly, though his cheeks are a deep pink. “You keep shtum about that... ill-advised quasi-affair of the past...” He clears his throat, eyes fixed on Cornelia. “...and I won’t bring up your little tryst with my married brother. Cool?” 

Dan’s head whips towards him so fast he thinks he might sprain a neck muscle. “Excuse me?”

Gluey and reluctant, Martyn’s gaze slides to him. “I know, Dan.”

Dan’s eyes widen, and he stumbles in his haste to back up from the conversation. “What?! Don’t be- I’m not-” Martyn says nothing, simply maintains his weary stare. Dan's been through enough Lester-arguments to know when to admit defeat. “How did you know?”

Martyn snorts, as if the question is absurd. “I can only assume the thin oxygen is making everyone else thick, because to me it’s glaringly obvious. You’re just his type, for one - dimples, curls, adorable, funny without meaning to be - not to mention he hasn’t shut up about you since I got within earshot. ‘Let’s go where Dan can’t hear’, ‘that reminds me of something Dan said’, ‘can we try and make sure Nikolai doesn’t talk to Dan’, blah blah blah, Dan, Dan, Dan.”

The information stuffs itself through Dan’s ear canal in a great flurry, meaning it takes a while to wriggle into Dan’s brain. As Martyn’s snippets of Phil’s psyche pile up, they begin pressing on the backs of Dan’s eyes, creating a throbbing ache. It doesn’t make sense. Why would Phil be prattling on about Dan right now? He’s got so much else to deal with; surely thoughts of Dan are on the back burner.

“So he… told you about us?” Dan asks, feeling about ten centimetres tall.

“Not exactly.” Martyn looks to where Phil is currently signing something with what looks like deliberate slowness, presumably to piss the grey-suits off. “But he said he’s having feelings for someone who isn’t Nik, and no offence Dan, but there’s not a lot of options for him up here apart from the nervous, skinny kid that looks at him like he’s Jesus risen.”

Dan opens his mouth to argue, but realises he has no points to make. He shuts it again with a snap, and turns back to stare at Phil. “You and Cornelia… that didn’t work out, I’m assuming.”

Martyn stiffens just a bit, obviously not expecting the question. He doesn’t reply for a while, and Dan wonders if he might have crossed a line. “People like her… they tend to see people like me through dollar-green tinted spectacles.”  

“I’m sure that’s a clever metaphor and all, but could you spell it out for me? Like I said, I’m a uni drop-out,” Dan replies, rubbing his temples to try and ease the headache.

“You need to stop belittling yourself,” Martyn says, sternly. “Uni doesn’t make intelligence, it’s just a place people go to develop it.”

Dan says nothing, simply sighing and folding his arms like he’s not going to go and ruminate on that statement for several hours.

“Corn hates her job, but she gets a shitload for it,” Martyn says eventually. “She acts like she wants to give it up, to stick her finger up at Nikolai and do something more worthwhile, but it’s all in her head. She likes the lifestyle too much. She won’t give it up for someone like me.”

Something insistent is tugging hard at the veins leading from Dan’s heart; he pictures a growling puppy, intent on a new chew toy. His hand moves to rub at the spot on his chest, beneath which he can feel his heart beating. 

“You don’t know that for sure,” Dan says stubbornly, “maybe if you’d stuck around for long enough to let her decide, she would’ve chosen you.”

Dan can feel Martyn’s sympathetic stare boring into him. “Yeah. Maybe.”

To steer away from this horrendous conversation, Dan clears his throat, straightening up and nodding towards Phil and Nikolai. “Looks like it might be coming to an end.”

“Thank the Lord. Poor Phil, he’s so done.”

“He’s had to do too much of this, I’d imagine,” Dan says, and Martyn nods emphatically.

“You’ve no idea. Still, once he gets out of this place he’ll be able to get some normalcy back.”

At first, the sentence only skims over Dan’s skin, barely grazing him. He’s too focused on Phil’s deep frown line, worried about how all this will age him before his time. And then he replays Martyn’s breezy statement, letting it sink into his flesh.

“Gets out of this place?” Dan repeats, slowly.

Martyn glances across at him. “Yeah. Y’know, once the divorce is finalised.” Dan doesn’t bother to stop the confusion from furrowing his brow. He’s already established several times that he’s not the brightest bulb, once more won’t hurt. “You didn’t think he was gonna stay in this hotel once he finally shakes Nikolai, did you? He won’t be able to afford that massive suite anymore for one thing. Plus, no offence but there’s not a whole lot on offer up here for an unmarried, uneducated twenty-six-year-old, y’know?”

Of course, Dan thinks, the anxiety-worms crawling up his arms, Phil’s going to leave. 

He has no right to be surprised; it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Phil hates it up here, he’s never been shy about expressing that. Dan has sat and listened to him whine about his circumstances multiple times, heard him complain that Dan threw away his freedom and that he’d do anything to have what Dan gave up. Dan should have seen this coming a mile off. It’s as obvious as a huge snowball would be, were he to look out of the window and see one barrelling towards him. But he didn’t see it coming. And now, stupidly, he feels like he’s about to cry.

“Excuse me,” Dan mutters to Martyn, and then scurries off before any dumb tears can leak out.

He’s vaguely aware that several people are watching him go, but he ignores them all, focused on his destination, back to the Fitzgeralds room which he’s left uncleaned, where he can lock himself away for a while and cry in private, as he’s so used to doing in this place.

*

When Dan opens the door to the Fitzgeralds room, their teenage daughter is sitting on her bed.

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Dan says, flustered, “I thought you and your parents were still downstairs, I’ll leave you-”

He stops abruptly, noticing the sheer panic on her face. She’s frozen, her laptop open in front of her, and beside that, a Louis Vuitton bag that Dan has definitely seen before, and definitely not in her hands. A voice is coming from her laptop speaker, slightly tinny and distorted, but familiar nonetheless. As the silence settles between them, Dan is able to pick out words. Bizarrely, the voice sounds just like his mother.

“...is this as bright of a decision as dropping out of university, or breaking up with your lovely girlfriend, or running away to scrub toilets up a mountain?! What on earth are you thinking, you daft-”

“I love him!”

An invisible punch lands itself squarely in the centre of Dan’s chest, winding him. He’d know his own annoying voice anywhere. 

“How did you…what is this?” 

The sound of Dan’s actual voice seems to jolt her into animation. She scrambles for the laptop, clumsy in her attempt to shut off the recording.

“I- I mean, I care about him. I don’t- I don’t know why I said- forget that. But I do care.”

As he listens to his own pathetic attempt to backtrack over his blurted love confession, Dan’s horrified gaze lands back on the Louis Vuitton bag, finally recognising it. 

“That’s Phil’s,” he whispers, bewildered. 

The Fitzgerald girl is jabbing at various keys, but the recording continues playing; Dan slumps against the doorframe.

“His marriage is toxic, Mum. If you knew the truth, if the rest of the world knew - if Vanessa and Derren knew what Nikolai was like-”

As a last resort, she slams the lid of her laptop closed, bright red in the face, eyes fixed on Dan in alarm. “Listen,” she garbles, “there’s a journalism Code of Conduct, and I read it cover to cover, and as long as I’m not harming anyone I’m allowed to report on things I see-”

“You,” Dan says, weakly. “You’re the leak.”

“I’m undercover,” she corrects, sitting up straight and tucking her blue hair behind her ears. Her cheeks are stained pink, but she juts her chin out nonetheless in an attempt at assertion. “I’m a reporter in training. I run a blog about Niky.”

“Niky?” Dan repeats, already revolted.

“It’s called The Renegade Royal,” she says proudly. “I came up with that. It’s clever, isn’t it?”

In lieu of answering that absurd question, Dan gathers himself together, and stalks over to the bed. She flinches; Dan rolls his eyes, hands coming up in front of him to show he’s about as scary as a snowflake. He grabs the Louis Vuitton bag by the handles and with a quick glance inside - bundled up ski-skins, sunglasses, a small bottle of sunscreen, some sugar packets - he confirms that yes, this is Phil Novokoric’s bag. 

“For God’s- reporters don’t steal people’s personal belongings,” Dan scolds, zipping the bag shut. “That’s super illegal.”

She blanches at the word ‘illegal’, seeming to deflate slightly, but she puffs herself back up pretty quick. “Uh, he deserves it. He’s breaking his marriage vows! With you, I might add.”

She folds her arms across her chest, her wrinkled nose and sneer adequately expressing her feelings over Phil’s decision to pass up Nikolai for someone like Dan, even on a circumstantial basis.

“So you steal his stuff?” Dan asks, feeling his hackles rise. “Bug the room and record me having a private call with my mum?”

Again, the girl flinches, guilt flashing across her features. “W-well, I didn’t know you’d call her, did I? I was just trying to catch you and him in the act somewhere. There’s other recording devices, obviously, in other places-”

“What?!”

She fidgets. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“For Christ’s sake!” Dan’s legs buckle, and he sits heavily on the edge of the bed, making her scuttle backwards in alarm. Dan puts his head in his hands. “Could this get any more complicated?”

She makes a face. “Uh, you’re not, like, crying are you?”

Dan lifts his head, sighing heavily, then fixes the girl with a steely gaze. “Did your parents put you up to this?”

She snorts. “God, no. Have you met my parents? They’re halfwits. They keep saying they’re gonna ‘sell their story’ to the paper, but they don’t have a clue how, or even have anything worth selling.”

“Right,” Dan says, ignoring all her horrible words, about her own parents no less, “they’re not behind this, which makes you the sole crook. I suggest, if you don’t want me telling your mum and dad, the manager of the hotel, Phil, Nikolai, a bunch of real journalists, and some scary-looking lawyers that you’re a sneaky little spy, creeping around recording everyone in their private rooms, that you tell me your name, and show me this awful blog of yours.”

She stares at him dumbly, her defiance melting away. Her arms slacken, and she loses the tension in her body, mind obviously reeling. “M-my parents? And- and Niky?”

“Oh, and the police of course,” Dan tacks on for emphasis, patting the Louis Vuitton bag in his lap. “They’ll want to know where this designer bag Phil’s been looking for went.”

She eyes the bag like it’s transformed into a gaggle of writhing snakes. “Hannah!” she cries, suddenly panicked, then scrambles for her laptop. “My name’s Hannah Fitzgerald, I’m sixteen, I’m from Durham, England. Please don’t report me- look, here’s my blog, I haven’t even shared anything that bad yet, see?”

Dan reaches for the laptop, but she resists him actually taking it out of her hands; for a few seconds, they have a small, silent tug of war, and then Dan relents, because what on Earth is he doing trying to wrestle a computer off a sixteen-year-old? Instead, he peers at the screen while she holds it, and under the watch of her beady, panicked eye, scrolls down her blog with the trackpad.

Mostly, it’s just photos of Nikolai. A few glamour shots, of his shirtless form in black and white, holding some kind of big feathered fan. A few paparazzi photos, of Nikolai in Gucci sunglasses and Supreme hoodies, sipping Starbucks as he walks through the streets of New York or Paris or Mumbai.

The two most recent posts consist of long, rambly chunks of text where Hannah has obviously realised her lucky situation, being in the same hotel as Phil Novokoric, and gone to scream about it in caps lock on Tumblr. Dan doesn’t miss that the post has over twenty-thousand notes.

One of the posts, from just yesterday, is entitled ‘Update One: More Coming Soon!’. Dan clicks this one, steeling himself for the worst. It reads:

‘SO I’ve been up in the Alps with you-know-who >:( for a whole two days now - eeeek! I have seen and heard a LOT, and am planning on sharing with you all once I get everything together. ATM I’m working on getting some ~juicier~ evidence, but I can confirm that Philip ‘grumpface’ Lester (I famously refuse to acknowledge him as a true Novokoric, see my FAQ) is **CHEATING!!!!** on Nikolai!!!! I have seen it with my own two eyes. I’ve already been in touch with The Sun, The Star, The Daily Mirror, and The Daily Mail, as well as Perez Hilton, The T (the drama YouTube channel) and a few other big Nikolai blogs.’

Dan’s eyes flutter closed, and he forces himself to breathe deeply, so he won’t yell at this literal child for being such an ignorant demon. When he reopens them, she’s watching him nervously, but makes no move to take the laptop away.

‘All the mags and papers say they need ‘evidence’ (photos, audio clips, vids, etc) so I’ve been working on collecting some. Stay tuned for my next update, I have sooooo much to show and tell you all. I always said Phil was wrong for Niky (as most of you know haha) and I guess I was right!! Dw guys I’m not gonna let him mess our boy about <3 For now… here’s some sneaky preview pics ;) Follow me on Tumblr, Twitter and Insta for the next update x

Hannah F <3’

When he gets to the end, Dan feels nauseous. He scrolls down, and there are three images. One is from yesterday morning, right after Phil had phoned Nikolai and told him it was completely over. In the photo, Phil is sat at the table in the mezzanine lounge, and Dan is leaning into his space, hands planted on the table beside Phil’s mug of coffee. Phil is smiling serenely at him, but Dan’s face is obscured by the angle. He tries to remember what he was saying in the moment. Something like ‘you dick-brain’, probably.

The next photo is of Phil tucking a tiny green umbrella behind Dan’s ear. Phil’s forearm, reaching to place the umbrella, is blocking Dan’s face again.

The final photo is taken from above, over the lip of the mezzanine, and Dan remembers it vividly. Dan is serving guests at the front desk, and Phil is beside him, hand placed on his arm, standing way too close. Dan’s staring into those ridiculously blue eyes, and even though the high angle means his expression is out of view, Dan can feel, somehow, the mesmerism radiating from his body language alone. How embarrassing. 

“You can’t even see your face in those pics,” Hannah points out, like that makes it okay.

Dan huffs a strained sigh, straightening up. “I assume that’s because you were planning some huge reveal of my identity in your next post?”

Hannah shifts uncomfortably. “My followers have a right to-” Dan just glares at her, hard, and she shuts up. “I’ll delete them all. I’ll tell them I was lying. Please don’t report me, I can’t be arrested for this-”

“Delete it all now,” Dan says, not fucking about anymore. “In front of me. The recordings too.”

Hannah nods quickly, gulping, and turns the laptop to face her. Dan shuffles up the bed to sit beside her, intending to make sure she bleaches her hard drive clean of every last scrap.

*

Dan closes the door of Mona’s office behind him, eyes prickling. His conversation with Mona had gone even worse than he’d expected it to. It was the only option, he tells himself for the hundredth time. The stress of this whole situation is entirely too much; the anxiety worms have begun gnawing holes through his skin, which was never very thick to begin with. Hannah was a manageable example of what Dan can foresee being a worsening problem if he continues down the current path.

For now, he pushes his conversation with Mona to the back of his mind, intending to pull it out again later, in bed, when he has time to pick it apart. Dan picks up the Louis Vuitton bag he’d hidden just out of sight behind a decorative fake plant in the lobby, and heads for the stairs. On his way down here from the Fitzgeralds room, he’d managed to sneak through the crowd of people still gathered in the lobby without being seen; as he attempts to do the same now on his way back through, he notes that neither Phil nor Nikolai are amongst the gaggle of people still grouped around tables and slumped in beanbags.

It probably means nothing, Dan tells himself sternly, and keeps his head down, avoiding eye contact with anyone on his way to the stairs. He jogs up to the top floor, surprised at his ability to do this with minimal exertion - he must be getting used to the journey - and goes straight to Phil’s door. Not bothering to knock, Dan lets himself in, determined to have this out as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

“I have your bag,” Dan announces, marching straight into the room. He turns to face the figure lounging on the bed, mouth open to address Phil. Abruptly, he snaps it shut again when he takes in the sight of Nikolai Novokoric smirking back at him, hands folded in his lap. “Oh,” Dan says, blood pooling in his cheeks. “S-sorry, Sir. I just… I’m returning Mister Nov-” Nope. “Your hus-” Nope. “Um, Phil’s bag.”

Dan holds it up for Nikolai to see. ‘Nothing untoward going on here’, Dan imagines puppeting the bag to say. Resisting this strange urge, Dan instead places the bag gently down on a chair, and turns, heart thumping, to leave.

“Say, Dan, is it?” Nikolai asks breezily.

Shit. Dan turns, smile straining. “That’s right. Did you need something?”

Nikolai’s cool gaze washes over him, head to toe. “How about a chat?”

He scoots to the edge of the bed, then pats the space beside him. Dan really and truly does not want to go and seat himself beside this despicable man for ‘a chat’, especially not on the bed he’d rolled around on for hours with Phil last night, but he can’t think of a viable excuse not to. So, he drags himself over and gingerly perches on the edge, leaving as much space between them as he can get away with.

For an excruciatingly long moment, Nikolai says nothing. He simply aims a calm, diamond-hard half-smile at Dan, his grey eyes tracking every inch of his face for some unknowable trait. 

“So,” he says at last. “You’re fucking my husband.” Dan’s mouth drops open, instantly aflame, and Nikolai laughs. “Gosh, would you look at that blush. You are cute, aren’t you? I can see how easy it would be to snap you up.”

“I- I don’t know what you’ve heard, but-”

“Oh, please,” Nikolai interrupts, snorting. “Spare me the terrible attempt at denial. Someone gave Philip an impressively deep love bite - it wasn’t me, and I can say with relative surety that it wasn’t that large, clumsy Swiss mountain goat herd, or the Northern chap with the shrill wife and bacon bits in his beard. That leaves just one other member of the male-identifying species that could have done it - Philip is such a stickler about being exclusively into boys, it really is so tiresome.”

Dan is too terrified to be offended by Nikolai’s countless forays into non-PC territory. He watches, eyes wide and panicked, as Nikolai crosses his legs in a sigh, then leans back on his hands, still keeping Dan caught in the crosshairs of his steely gaze.

“Oh, for goodness sake, there’s no need to look so petrified,” Nikolai says with an accompanying eye roll. “I can’t publicly accuse Philip of adultery with anyone without answering to a hundred far more substantial accusations of cheating myself. I suppose I’m just surprised he had the balls.”

Dan swallows, glancing around the room in case he’s missed Phil being in here somewhere, possibly tied up and unable to voice his muffled screams. 

“W-we didn’t mean for it to happen,” Dan finds himself saying, mostly in an attempt to stall until he can think of a plan. Or an escape route. “We just sort of... couldn’t stay away from each other.” 

Nikolai snorts with laughter again. “Yes, I’m sure that’s what he told you.”

Confused, Dan flips this statement over in his mind several times, but finds he still cannot comprehend it. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, Dan,” Nikolai says in a very punchable, patronising way; he places a gentle hand on Dan’s shoulder, one that Dan feels immediately burning through his shirt material. Dan shifts, trying to express his discomfort, but Nikolai makes no move to remove it. “You poor cherub. You don’t truly believe that Philip is interested in you, do you?”

Dan says nothing, but inside, his muscles contract, squeezing his organs into a big, pulsating jumble. Nikolai’s expression turns to pity, and Dan feels suddenly as if he needs to sprint far away, down the mountain, and never return.

“All of this,” Nikolai says, gesturing to Dan’s entire being, “is his way of getting back at me, sweetheart.” The vile endearment sticks to Dan like a leech attaching itself to his skin. “It’s horribly cruel, to both of us, really. Philip’s got such a lot of buried anger in him.” 

Nikolai sighs, head shaking from side to side. He’s changed since earlier, now wearing a high-necked, charcoal fleece, one that looks as though it’s been picked out of a new designer range of ‘winter-wear’. It gives him a severe, statuesque look, elongating his neck, sharpening his angles. 

“I’m only telling you this to spare your feelings, you understand,” Nikolai continues gravely, gazing right into Dan’s eyes, “for months the man’s been desperate to get ‘revenge’ on me, for whatever crimes he’s decided I committed during our marriage. Personally, I feel I was awfully good to him, considering the numerous diva tantrums I put up with, but even so. It appears he felt the need to hurt me, and he had no qualms about using an innocent member of staff to do it.”

It’s not true, Dan’s brain is screaming at him, but he can’t quite let that placate him. It’s a seductive thought, to gather all the hatred he feels for Nikolai, all of the awful things he knows Nikolai has done, and use them as evidence to back up the idea that Nikolai is simply lying. But once again, doubt creeps in; Dan just doesn’t know Phil well enough to be sure. Nikolai has been married to the man. For years. Dan’s known him a fraction of that time, and a great deal of it was spent arguing with him.

Nikolai’s hand squeezes Dan’s shoulder. “I can see this has all rather upset you,” he says, voice softer now, brushing Dan’s eardrums like wisps of cotton. His hand slides, firm and gelatinous, down Dan’s arm, coming to rest at his elbow. Dan looks down at it, bemused. “It’s simply dreadful, how Philip’s strung you along.” Nikolai’s thumb moves in slow circles over the spot just inside of Dan’s elbow. “I’d never have the heart to deface something so...” he’s leaning closer now, too close - oddly close. Dan cannot move, he feels as though he’s gone into shock, stunned into rigidity by the absurdity of the situation. “...pure,” Nikolai whispers, then presses his lips, gently, to Dan’s cheek. “So pretty,” he says, pressing a second kiss slightly lower. “So enticing.”  

Bile crawls up the inside of Dan’s throat, stinging and acidic; he’s about to shove Nikolai, hard, not caring that it might count as treason or whatever, when he senses another presence in the room. Over the pounding of blood in his repulsed ears, Dan hears a raised voice, and then stomping. Nikolai is wrenched away from him, and then Phil is there, inexplicable and sudden, one fist bunched in Nikolai’s high fleece collar, the other jabbing a pointed finger towards Dan.

Phil’s mouth is flapping, tongue moving, and Dan only realises belatedly that the loud, angry noise he can hear is Phil’s voice, yelling at Nikolai. 

“...think you can just go around hitting on anyone! Just because they’re too scared of you to move, does not mean they wanna fuck you, Nik,” he shouts. 

Nikolai is gazing steadily back, that piteous sympathy wiped from his face, and in its place, a look of smug indifference. “Someone’s upset I’m playing with their toy. Haven’t you ever learned to share?”

“Ugh, why are you even still here?! I spent all day signing papers to get you out of my life, so kindly fuck off,” Phil says, releasing him with a disgusted noise. He looks seconds away from wiping his hands on his jeans to clean them of cooties.

Nikolai sighs in surrender, getting to his feet. “No need to shout, darling, I was only killing time while the pilot refuels.” Phil’s teeth clamp together so hard that Dan hears a little ‘chit’ noise. Nikolai turns to Dan, lower lip jutting out in a mockery of his earlier expression. “Sad to say our collusion will have to be postponed, Dan. You’ll have to settle for the far substandard skills of my former spouse.” He sidles right up to Phil, who goes rigid at once, and reaches up to pinch the shell of his ear. “Here’s a tip: when you’re hitting just the right spot, he loves a nibble right here.”

Phil wrenches away from Nikolai’s touch, scowling. Nikolai laughs delightedly at this, whilst Dan finds that nauseous feeling getting worse. An awkward film coats the already tense atmosphere; of course, Nikolai picks up on it at once.

“Good God,” he cries, balking, eyes flicking between Dan and Phil, “don’t tell me you actually top in this little arrangement, Philip?”

“Would you fuck off? I’d like to get on with never seeing you again,” Phil spits, and Nikolai lets out a last trill of laughter.

“Well this has been an informative day!” he says gleefully, but he’s already flouncing towards the exit, at last. “Ciao then, darling. Lovely to get to know you a bit better, Dan.” 

He wanders through the open door, unhurried and carefree; the moment he’s out of sight, Dan’s muscles scream in relief as they release their tension. And then, Nikolai ducks his head back through the doorway, making Dan seize up so fast he wonders how he didn’t get a cramp.

“Oh!” Nikolai says, blasé, “and Phil, love, just so you know. I shall be making sure that you don’t get a penny out of me past what you’ve already been so graciously given. Hopefully next time you’ll think twice before pissing off someone who loves you so dearly. Bye bye, now boys. Wish you all the happiness.”

He winks, one last enormously irritating time, and floats out of sight.

Devoid of Nikolai’s massive presence, the suite seems large, dwarfing, and brimming with residual, undirected anger. Dan turns to Phil, still stood beside the bed, staring worriedly at the doorway Nikolai had disappeared through.

“Are you okay?” Dan asks, though his voice doesn’t sound like itself.

He swallows, trying to clear his airway of the bile that surged up when Nikolai’s damp, cold lips pushed into his skin. He can still feel their imprint, and it makes him want to go into Phil’s bathroom, to slather his face with all the fancy exfoliators and toners he’s seen beside Phil’s sink, and scrub the feeling away.

Phil’s eyes swivel back to him, sharp and glinting with leftover fury. “He kissed you.”

Dan’s eyebrows raise. “Oh, I meant about the money thing, but um. Yeah. He- he did. On the cheek. It happened so quickly, I couldn’t stop him-”

Phil inches closer, then drops to his knees in front of Dan, those blue irises blazing. His hands land on Dan’s knees, gripping hard. “He kissed you,” Phil repeats, voice hard and cold. “I hate that. I hate that he got close enough to even try.”

Echoing through Dan’s rapidly emptying mind are Nikolai’s poisonous words: 

You don’t truly believe that Philip is interested in you, do you?

“You care?” Dan asks, feeling the itch of his anxiety, and needing to obliterate the idea Nikolai planted, that Phil is just using him.

Phil’s eyes darken even further; he looks utterly incensed. “Of course I care,” he grits out, fingertips digging into Dan’s knees. “He thinks he can just take whatever he wants, like a spoiled child, doesn’t give a damn about what you might feel-”

“So,” Dan interrupts, “you’re upset because Nikolai is an entitled bitch. Because he acts without thinking, tries it on with anyone-”

Phil surges up then, climbing into Dan’s lap so quickly that it knocks the air out of Dan’s lungs. Suddenly, Phil’s fingers are combing through his hair, their foreheads touching. Dan can see eons into the future, through the black holes in the centre of Phil’s crystalline eyes.

“I’m upset,” Phil hisses, “because he thought he could lay a finger on you - when you’re mine.”

Dan chokes on something, the air maybe, but has no time to catch his breath. Whatever has been holding Phil back until this point snaps, and he tumbles forwards, lips catching Dan’s in a hard, insistent kiss.

In the distant horizons of Dan’s void-like mind, he can hear a voice telling him that this is not advisable behaviour, that there’s a reason he should resist this, but he can barely hear it, let alone remember why it’s there. His hands skim over Phil’s shoulders; as he feels the muscles shifting, lets his fingers settle into the grooves of Phil’s spine, Dan groans, letting conscious thought wash away. It feels as if it’s been days since he’s had this, when in reality it’s been less than twenty-four hours. So much has happened in such a short space of time; what he wants, what he desperately needs, is a break, to not think for a while, to focus on physicality, and heat, and that delicious, burning twist of pleasure that’s coiling in his gut.

“Show me,” Dan pleads, pulling Phil closer, “show me I’m yours.”

(Chapter Nineteen!)

#too high #phan #phanfic #enemies to lovers au

[nikatyler]

*gasp* a replies post! A long replies post! A long replies post where I overshare again! *o* Yeah I kinda missed doing these. I’m now at home, but won’t be for much longer. First, I’m going to meet some of my new classmates on Friday and I’ll spend the whole weekend with them! We’re going somewhere...well I don’t even know where that is, just that it’s in nature and I’ve never been there before! Thank gods we’re meeting at the main station in Prague, or else I wouldn’t get there myself. Then on Moday, I have to go to my uni, and then once more on Wednesday I think? And on Wednesday, I’ll have to wake up at 4 am. my LiFe Is SoOoOOOoO HaRd oH mY gOd. No, I’ll be fine.

And a month from now, I’ll be moving to my dorm. That’s some crazy stuff. I can’t believe it’s happening. Last week, my dad actually took me to Prague and we went to see where it is. The location reminds me a lot of my home, but I won’t tell you what exactly that is because no one needs to know that. Anyway, school starts in October. I’m actually looking forward to studying, but the “living alone in a big city with people I’ve never seen before” part is scary. D: I’ll give you updates.

Anyway, today was a weird day. First, I sat alone by the lake when these two guys came and talked to me (I didn’t mind that actually, they were kinda nice), then when I got up and said I had to go home, one of them complimented my legs...which would’ve been really nice but then he basically implied he’d go to bed with me...and like literally five minutes ago he said he had a girlfriend...basically men are scary. Then later, mum and I went grocery shopping and I saw my middle school crush with his girlfriend...and decided that his girlfriend is cute, way cuter than him actually...bisexual culture I guess, crushing on your middle school crush’s girlfriend lmao. Then we went to pay for our groceries and the cashier...was my childhood friend who also happened to be my first crush and also my last crush and these days I’m wondering if I’m really crushing on him or if I’m just holding onto him because I don’t know any better. Long story but if you ever feel like I have a thing for childhood friends to lovers trope, maybe blame him.

Wow. Oversharing much? Let’s get to those replies then, before I tell you what colour my underwear is or something.

Also!! Stream Lover. You won’t regret it.

volcanopasta replied to your photoset “@ ea guess what we still don’t have in ts4”

I miss spooning

I feel like that’s one of those little things half of the community misses. ;-;

simlishprincess replied to your photoset “MAGNOLIA???”

she’s morphing

She’s broken like this really often and it scares me :D

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Vanessa: “So do you forgive me?” Gwyneth: “Of course I do. I must...”

Lol, a bpr founder telling thez plan no more children, they are so funny

These sims have no clue what I have in store

And just you wait for gen 2

Just you wait

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “There it is. Wonder what she could use the computer for…;) (no, I...”

Well I can`t say this is surprisingXD

Yeah...do most people go for purple? At least most bpr people I follow/followed went for this colour :D I also wanted to do this thing where the founder chooses the pink person, but the heir is purple. Idk why, I just wanted it to be like that haha

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Uhh oh hi again. You guys are seeing this right after the last post,...”

Jeez, Vanessa looks like that liquid Terminaor from Terninator 2.Funnily enough he was posing as a police officerXD

Lol I have no idea what you’re talking about because I’m bad at watching iconic movies (read as: I haven’t watched any of the movies that people think everyone has watched :’D) but I’ll believe you lmao

dandylion240  replied to your photoset “I really can’t justify this, can I? Listen, I have to stay true to my...”

Sometimes the aliens won't let you go even if you want to.

Oh you’re right

create-a-sim replied to your photoset “She traded her policeman hat for a fishnet top. Fashion, you know.”

me as a policeman

Saaaame

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “You know how I said I couldn’t justify this? Well…Alexa play Oops I...”

Yeah, make Roxanne that purple sibling/s

Careful what you wish for 👀

dandylion240 replied to your post “The power of what sharing a worry with someone can do amazes me, as a...”

Awe I'm glad you didn't delete without telling anyone. You would have been missed. But you're not the only one who thinks about doing that though.

I love seeing you on my dash ❤️

1o8percent replied to your post “The power of what sharing a worry with someone can do amazes me, as a...”

I’m glad that sharing your worries was able to help you. Simblr can be overwhelming and well life in general can be too. It’s nice to have someone to let it out to. I’m glad you’re still around!

♥♥♥

Thank you guys so much. This happens to me from time to time, but it’s never been this bad.

desira-sims replied to your post “Random thoughts and ideas: NSB, BC and my hair (again)”

I’m slowly working through the sentence starters too. I didn’t realize quite how difficult some of them would be. Lol

Same! I might incorporate one of them into my yellow gen because it would fit there perfectly. God I’m really going to milk this one awful awful event for angst huh. That will be frowned upon. As for the other...I have an idea for it but it doesn’t fit the og Raleb timeline at all (it was for them) and I want it to be canon...like I kinda just don’t want to call it an AU, but I guess I’ll have to.

aiseinei replied to your photoset “Eden: “Ughhh oh my god my life is soooo hard!”

I would be too if I was stuck staring pink in the mirror for the rest of my life �� no very cute!

Oof same haha. One of the reasons why I was hesitant about starting BPR was the pink :D

And then I went and made my founder marry a pink sim and have four pink children with her, because that makes sense. I love making myself suffer, yay!

Thank you, btw!

medleymisty replied to your post “I'm not saying I want to re-read my entire NSB but...I kinda do. Will...”

*hugs* We're our own worst critics. I used to cringe at my old stuff too, but really it was decent. I might have learned more since then, but it was still good. I'm glad you can see the good in yours. :)

I’m definitely not as hard at my younger self anymore. I went and read some of my stories written when I was 13-14, and I tried to look at it that way. They weren’t perfect, but maybe they were good for a child of that age. I mean, I always got good grades on my writing homework, and my teachers have always liked how I worked with words, so...yeah, it’s not perfect, but I’m not going to have perfectly fleshed out characters and storylines when I have barely even understood that the world isn’t just black and white, good and evil. There are shades inbetween.

That got deep again but I have a lot of feelings about this and I’m sorry to my younger writer self for how I’ve treated her. Keep going, kid.

xiapxls replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

Me! Whenever I come across a new blog I'm interested in I always read everything before I hit follow

whysimstho replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

It was how I found your blog actually!

yamekamerainbows27 replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

I have! ✋✋

elisabettasims replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

I feel like I read over 90% of it?

dandylion240 replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

Me. Was in love with Ross since he was born in game. He was such a lil cutie!!

desira-sims replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

Me! Came across a Ross and Caleb post and went back to the beginning to read it all.

1o8percent replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

I have ��

Wooow there’s a lot of you. And you stuck with me through the bad and the worse, through all the dumb ideas I got...thank you. Seriously, thank you. There’s more in store, I promise.

You’ll want to punch me in the face eventually, I’m just saying.

Speaking of punching someone in the face, yesterday I was waiting for my hair to dry and I thought hmm, let’s go read gen 2 of my NSB. And...I knew Ross was an idiot when he was young, but I forgot he was that bad. I’m glad none of us accepted it and we only collectively forgave him when he got his crap together. Yay. Also yay we didn’t cancel him because cancel culture is disgusting, people can learn from their mistakes.

I’m going off topic again. That happens when I’m in a good mood.

elisabettasims replied to your post “Let's play a game, "how many more curly maxis match hair can I...”

It's true, there is never enough.

dandylion240 replied to your post “Let's play a game, "how many more curly maxis match hair can I...”

There is never enough

Glad we’re on the same page haha

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “��”

Yes, tumblr finally stopped bullying me and send my ask!

Yay tumblr, it got its crap together for once!

No, jokes aside, if you ever send me an ask and I don’t respond, feel free to send it again. I think I got better at answering my asks fast, so you can definitely tell by that. Also, if I answer everyone else’s and not yours...that’s also a sign because I hardly ever keep asks private (unless I’ve been asked to do so, then I’ll always respect your wish!)

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “I have to catch a bus in like ten minutes but here’s what I’ve been...”

This hairstyle suits Ross!

It kinda really does?? It was also the closest I could get to his ts4 one haha.

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Contestant number seven has arrived! Talia: “Is everything alright?...”

god yeah as an experienced bc player i feel that, introductions take SO long and get SO annoying

I had an “ok I’m never doing this again” moment with literally every contestant because 1) it was taking forever and 2) making ten different and yet still entertaining dialogues was hard

And I write a lot so you’d say that would be easy for me, but nope :’D

doka-chan replied to your post “I don't know how many of you are interested in my book...”

Book recommendations are always a plus. Thank you ! :)

I like them too! Not only because, well, I get a book recommendation, but also because I’m always curious about what people read haha.

vintageplumbobs replied to your post “Just queued episode 2 of the BC and one of the posts got flagged…wanna...”

Not all of us have time for breakfast! I can’t be looking at that in the staff kitchen! People will riot! ����

Oh that’s right, forgive me tumblr, I have sinned

desira-sims replied to your post “But I’ve never told you that before.” Caleb and Ross, please? ��”

That is the sweetest thing ever. ������

dandylion240 replied to your post “But I’ve never told you that before.” Caleb and Ross, please? ��”

I love it ❤️

Thank you guys ;-; ♥ I loved writing this so much. It gave me that nice warm feeling inside, you know what I mean? They make me so happy! ;-;

wcif a vampire best friend that would eventually end up marrying me?

dandylion240 replied to your post “Just queued episode 2 of the BC and one of the posts got flagged…wanna...”

Every single post of Emerson bc was flagged and they weren’t nsfw either mostly

Yeah, this is so weird...I know people say it happens when the picture has a lot of “skintone” coloured pixels...but that’s not always the case with my flagged posts??

Also (I’ll never shut up about this)...why is there a female-presenting nipples rule when it clearly can’t ever tell female and male nipples apart? I’m just saying. And yes I get it, for AI it sure has to be difficult to tell such things apart but in my opinion that’s exactly why they should get rid of it and only incorporate it when it can tell it apart. Actually, hold on, nope. The nipple rule is stupid no matter what gender the nipple is.

And I’ve just used the word nipple more times than ever before in my nineteen-something years long life.

desira-sims replied to your photoset “Some more pictures of Aretha ♥”

She's so pretty

Thank you! ♥ I’m happy with how she turned out.

vintageplumbobs replied to your photoset “I did not forget about those townie makeovers! @epicvictoria suggested...”

That style really suits her. But then...maybe I’m biased...

I think it suits her way better than her original outfits too, but same, I might be biased...vintage/retro aesthetic is my jam.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “How to tell which characters are my favourite? Well, they probably...”

Looking good!

omiscanking replied to your photoset “How to tell which characters are my favourite? Well, they probably...”

I'm scrEAMINGGGG

Haha thank you! I hope it’s a good kind of screaming :D

toxoplasmajuice replied to your post “Thoughts?”

screenshots are cool and all but i say if you wanna rely more on text then go for it! especially if you've figured out that taking all those screenshots is an obstacle for you - do what works best for you, you know?

doka-chan replied to your post “Thoughts?”

For me a story is up to its writer. I don't mind only one picture with a huge text, or the contrary a lot of picture with little to no text. As long as we got attached to the characters, it's not important, as long as it's progressing and understandable.

dandylion240 replied to your post “Thoughts?”

I don’t mind reading a lot of text. Pics are always second to the story to me.

desira-sims replied to your post “Thoughts?”

I sort of think there should be a balance. No, not everything needs to be shown as a ss, but it should be more than one photo for a wall of text.

Thank you for your feedback! I think it would be no more than one Word page of text. Which is a lot still but I think that’s the maximum I’d go for. And I mean, I’d show all the important moments. It’s just, I guess I don’t need ten different pictures of the same conversation when these people are just standing next to each other. And it doesn’t need to be split into ten different posts either.

I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.

deathflowertea replied to your photoset “the softest bean �� alternate, boring caption: So I finally decided to...”

TS4 looks good on her! ��

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “the softest bean �� alternate, boring caption: So I finally decided to...”

Cute!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “the softest bean �� alternate, boring caption: So I finally decided to...”

I love her!!

Thank you guys! I really like how she turned out too.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “I'm thinking of starting something like "random facts about..." tags...”

I do love when people talk about their characters and stories! It makes OCs more real and all the small details are just adorable!

Me too. I want to know all the details. Tell me how you came up with this or that. Tell me what inspired you to do this. Tell me which song you associate with them. Tell me little things like what shower gel they’re using. I JUST LOVE OCS OKAY

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photo “Nicky: “This is a tragedy. Can I burn my picture before anyone sees...”

me whenever i finish a drawing

big relatable mood

create-a-sim replied to your post “list 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for...”

I love good lyrics as well ;)

I’ve recently found a lot of appreciation for lyrics that seem simple, but then you get into them or read some behind the scenes facts and realize they’re not as simple as they might seem. Then I feel like the person who wrote it is a genius.

ineptbubbles replied to your photoset “Could I ever get bored of her? Nope.  Could I ever get bored of making...”

Omgosh I love that shirt!!

Me toooo and I need one irl ;-; But I mean, I’ve told my sister so many times this week, maybe when my birthday comes around in December, she’ll remember and she’ll tell my parents I want it? :D I mean I could just ask them for that myself but I just know I’d be embarrassed for some reason.

mlpsimmer replied to your photoset “Roxanne: “Dad, what are you doing here?! You told me you were supposed...”

Your sims are gorgeous!

Thank you so muuuuch! ♥

desira-sims replied to your post “Fluff sentence starter 16. “Do you think the moon is jealous of how...”

These two. �� My heart. I just love them.

dandylion240 replied to your post “Fluff sentence starter 16. “Do you think the moon is jealous of how...”

I love this thank you ❤️

Same. They borrowed my heart, said they’d give it back and then ran away with it and I never saw it again. smh guys, stealing isn’t nice

And no, thank YOU for making me write this ♥

mlpsimmer replied to your post “Tumblr……..your protect-kids-from-seeing-nipples algorithm still isn’t...”

It happened to one of my drafts, which was never published. They were fully dressed, too! It's a little annoying.

Yeah, I just talked about this above in a reply to an older comment. It’s...ugh tumblr, what is u doing

#replies #volcanopasta #simlishprincess #tiny-tany-thaanos #dandylion240 #create-a-sim #1o8percent #desira-sims #aiseinei #medleymisty #xiapxls #whysimstho #yamekamerainbows27 #elisabettasims #toxoplasmajuice #doka-chan #vintageplumbobs #omiscanking #deathflowertea #alfalfalegacy #ineptbubbles #mlpsimmer

[larryfanfiction]

Star_Henderson @tommosgun

💚 We are timeless (WIP!) (64k)

“These are the ones I was telling you about.” Niall leant into Harry’s ear. “Write all their own stuff. Lead singer is a natural.”

Harry nodded, tilting his head to listen to the sweet rasp of the singer’s voice. The song started off soft and lilting, giving Harry shivers, the back of his neck prickling as the song picked up tempo. He loved it, bopping his head and tapping his foot. Niall nudged him, smiling and Harry gave him the thumbs up. Harry watched them, he couldn't quite see the singer because of a spotlight in his way, but as he moved a step, the light hit his face and Harry blinked. He gripped the chair arms and leaned forward. Was it him? Was it? His hair was longer, his face no longer soft and boyish, instead angular with heavyish scruff, but the eyes, that mouth, were still the same. A rush of adrenaline flooded his body, heat creeping up his spine. It had been over four and a half years since he’d last seen him. He slumped back into his chair. He’d never given up hope of finding Tommy. Never. Or

Louis and Harry meet as teenagers and have a sweet encounter in Ibiza. Years later they meet up again...

💚 Can I just be the same?  (17k)

“Are you skint?” Louis studied his face. “I can give you the bloody bus fare home, Harry. You don't have to walk.” His voice was soft. Caring.

Harry stopped, his body tingling. Fuck. He shouldn’t have crossed the road. Keep walking. Always keep walking.

“I’m not skint, but thanks for the offer. There’s not many kind people like you around. You’re lovely, you know that?” Harry reached his hand out tentatively, cupping Louis’ elbow and squeezing. “Thank you.” His voice hitched a little.

He’d roamed the country for centuries, coming in and out of people’s lives, never able to forge bonds. Or, if he did, breaking them and suffering the pain of lost love. That was his life forever. Stuck in this limbo with not one other person in the whole world who cared about him. So the kindness of a stranger really hit home, and this stranger with the bluest eyes and brightest smile was making Harry feel alive again. Reminding him of what he was missing

OR Harry is a two hundred year old Vampire with no one in the whole world and Louis is the kind hearted stranger who comes into Harry's life bringing something that Harry had missed. Love. But Harry is forever running, can Louis be the one to change all that?

💚 King of wishful thinking (38k)

“Don't umm don't get on the bus, come inside.” Louis blurted the words out, speaking quickly.

Harry looked startled.

“Just. Look I don't know if I want..” Louis scrubbed his face with his hand. “I'll pay for your time. Just come in.”

Harry stepped away from the bus stop and the bus sailed straight past.

“What's umm what do you guys make these days?”

Harry shuffled his feet. “Depends. Like two hundred an hour.”

Louis hummed. “Reasonable.” He gestured towards the hotel. “Come up for a drink or some room service or something.”

Harry scraped the toe of his already scuffed boots on the floor. “You don't have to do this, I feel like… like you're a nice person who feels bad but it's fine. I get it. You don't have to make it up to me.”

Louis stared at Harry. It'd been so long since he'd even spoken to a guy let alone hung out with one. He'd enjoyed the banter and the flirting.

“Come up.” Louis’ voice was soft.

Harry’s face bloomed into a smile. “Ok.”

💚 Day 25: Are you mine?  (4k)

And the thrill of the chase moves in mysterious ways So in case I'm mistaken I just wanna hear you say you got me baby Are you mine? Louis hands over the reins to Harry to organise a night away from the kids. Harry wants to watch Louis in action. Watch him dance, flirt, attract other men. But it's Harry who gets to take him home at the end of the night.

💚 Rise up like the sun (41k)

“I wasn't taking a sneaky pic.” Louis blurted out, the guy stood at one of the urinals taking a piss. “You were.” The guy answered coolly. “I would've taken a pic with you if you'd just asked.” “No I didn't want a pic with you.” The guy turned his head, quirking his eyebrow sardonically. “No you're far too cool for that, you just wanted to violate my privacy.” Louis squeezed his eyes shut. “I'm sorry. Look..” He walked towards the guy flicking his phone out. “Hey.” The guy hunched over, hiding his junk. “Oh no no, I wasn't gonna take a pic. Fuck.” Louis threw his hands up, stopping in his tracks. “Look I'm going to show you I'm deleting it.” Louis turned his phone and the pic disappeared. “You looked familiar, I was going to send it to my friend and ask who you were, I'm sorry, dick move.” Louis sighed, smiling apologetically. The guy zipped and walked to the basin. “So you invade my privacy then insult my level of fame by pretending to not know who I am.” The guy was turned away from Louis. “Look I'm...shit.” Louis inhaled noisily. The guy turned, a grin spread over his face. “I'm fucking with you.”

💚 Sail away with me  (47k)

“It’s inhumane putting four blokes in one cabin.” Louis stripped off and climbed up into his top bunk. “And why did we get the smelliest twat on the whole ship and bore of the century?”

Harry shrugged. “We clearly pissed someone off along the way.”

Louis snorted softly. “Who do I have to bend over for to get us an upgrade?”

Harry barked out a laugh. “If only it were that simple.” He rolled his eyes wistfully at Louis.

“The only way I’m going to get a two berth is to throw Payno overboard and be next in line for the deputy cruise director's job.” Louis leaned up on one elbow to look over at Harry. “Would you help me weigh his body down so I don’t go to jail?”

“Only If I can share your cabin.” Harry shuffled about, tucking the duvet between his legs, sweeping his hair up into a bun and securing it in a band. “I’m not being an accessory to murder and then still having to share with them two, no fucking way.”

Or

Louis and Harry are part of the entertainment team on board a luxury cruise liner. They hate sharing their four berth cabin with two other guys and would do anything to get a cabin of their own. One drunken night the solution was simple. They'd just get married...

💚 Looking down from the clouds (18k)

“He's funny and cute and hot and he's not like the other young VIP’s that we get, he's like…” Louis wafted his hand. “Kind and he seems genuine and he has these legs that go right up to his bum.” Anna sat watching Louis with her usual bemused smile. They had this conversation at least once a week. “So what are you going to do about it?” Anna asked for the hundredth time. Louis groaned loudly. “Nothing, as per usual. Just come and have a meltdown to you.” Anna pushed her chair back, filling both their cups from the coffee pot, handing Louis his and leaning in his desk. “What's the worst that can happen? He can only say no if you ask him out.” “Go-ddd you make it sound so simple. Excuse me, Mr wonderful, I'm crazy about you and can't stop talking about you, you're perfect to me so how about slumming it down to South Beach for a big dirty delicious empanada? No? You like napkins and real food with beautiful interesting people? Oh ok, yes of course you do.” Louis banged his head against the wall. Anna despaired of him. “Try,” she pushed. Or Louis is security officer at Miami airport and regularly has to escort Harry through. Will they ever go on that date?

💚 Soul wiped clean  (91k)

The door to Harry's left opened and in walked a man, slight frame but managing to fill the room with his presence. Harry stood up and turned towards him.

“Boss.” The man nodded at Paul, his eyes whipping over to Harry. Harry’s lungs somehow lost every ounce of breath, like a suckerpunch to the gut, winded. The hairs on Harry's neck pricked with what he thought was fear. He held the back of the chair to steady himself, trying not to stagger, eventually remembering to breathe. Paul cleared his throat. “Tommo, this is Harry, the journo who is joining us. Harry, this is Louis Tomlinson.”

Can Louis, an ex convict with secrets and lies, keep hold of them when he has to share three weeks with a journalist. And does he want to?

💚 The light to guide me home  (65k)

He was mesmerised by the guy on the bar. Laughing and singing along to the song, grinding and thrusting in time to the music, shaking his cocktail shaker.

“Relax, don’t do it when you wanna come . Relax, don’t do it, when you wanna suck do it, relax don’t do it, when you wanna come..”

Harry’s throat felt constricted, rooted to the spot.

“When you wanna come…”

He came to his senses and edged through the crowd, not taking his eyes from the guy, gyrating and tossing his shaker. He flipped it down to a girl behind the bar and concentrated on his moves, grabbing his crotch, throwing his head back, tongue out.

Harry could feel himself getting hard in his pants. It was the most erotic thing he had ever seen. The guy was standing on the same spot but stamping his feet, arms aloft, rolling his hips suggestively. He brought his head forward to the crowd and locked eyes with Harry. His jaw fell open, mouth slack, pupils blown.

Or the one where Harry and his friends hit Vegas for post Uni blow out, he meets a bar owner called Louis who rocks his world. Pure lust overtakes them both but it's more, it's just so much more than that..

💚 Can I lay by your side?  (59k)

"Harry, tell me what you are going to do when you leave here."

“I’m going to drive to a hotel, drink some of that vodka, enough to give me dutch courage." Harry looks down at his feet, colour blooming in his cheeks. “I’m going to find a bar, find a man who wants to sleep with me, find some weed and lose myself for a few days.”

“Look, do you even know your way around Manchester, do you know anyone here?”

He shakes his head.

“So you are just going to pick up a random man and sleep with him?” Louis huffs out incredulously.

“There’s a first time for everything.”

Or

Fate brings Louis to Harry. Alone, Harry's buying vodka in Louis' local shop. He takes him home, this beautiful stranger, giving him his undivided attention and the weekend of his life. Together they tick off Harry's 'to do' list and fall in love at the same time. Harry has secrets and despairingly, on Monday morning, he has to go back to his old life. Louis and Harry meet up six months later by accident in quite different circumstances.

💚 If this feeling flows both ways.  (72k)

'You're a massive flirt Tommo, you were practically shagging on skype.' Zayn punches me playfully in the arm.

'Did you fucking see him? My god he is so my type. Thank god I chose that agency, he's hot, it will be great fun, can't wait.' I squint my eyes at him.

'You're actually doing this then yeah?'

'Yeah I am Zayn, I have been dreading turning up at that wedding alone. I can stop worrying now and just enjoy it. He seems cool, think we will hit it off and if he's used to this kind of thing then I'm sure he will be a true professional and ace his role.'

'Mmmh, I just worry Lou that all. Me and Liam, we just want you to be happy.'

'I know love, I know and I'm sure Prince Charming is just around the corner.' I eye roll at him. 'But until then, I'll act it out with a hot dude.' ~ Or the one where Louis hires an escort to go as his boyfriend to Lottie's wedding and to affirm his sexuality at several work engagements. Louis is very rich and very successful, Harry is an escort, hired to attend to your every need. From the Sony winter ball in Vegas to the Grammys. From Malibu to Miami, the Bahamas to London, follow the journey of Louis the songwriter and Harry the male escort.

💚 We will find a way (54k)

Shag, Marry, throw over a cliff...

'Ok, Kate Upton, Emma Watson, Nicole Scherzinger?'

'Aww shit, ummm Ohhh this is hard Haz, umm ahhhh shag Emma, marry Nicole, chuck Kate over a cliff.'

'You'd chuck KATE UPTON over a cliff, whats the matter with you?'

'I know I know but that was impossible.'

'Hmmmm, ok come on hit me with my 3.'

'Ok ok I'm thinking ummm gay men gay men ermmmmmm.'

'Louis..'

'Mmm?'

'They don't have to be gay, you can hit me up with straight men too, I have an imagination.'

Cheeky grin.

'Ok Becks, ummmm Chris Hemsworth and ermmmmm me.'

'Ok well this is easy, I'd shag Hemsworth, marry Becks and you'd be head first over that fucking cliff.'

Or alternatively... Harry Styles, fresh out of Uni, his first job is assistant tour manager to 17 Black, join them on their tour of European Summer music festivals. Temptation takes over and Harry and Louis become a thing, but can Louis handle this thing? He's not even into guys so why is he in Harry's bed?

Some angst, lots of fluff and sex and music.

#as #oct2018 #star_henderson #tommosgun #starhenderson #2018

[postpunkpontypandyphantomthief]

Lolipops and Gumdrops (The Young Ones) (written October 2nd 2018)

The Young Ones was written by Ben Elton,Lise Mayer and Rik Mayall

The Young Ones was a sitcom that lasted from 1982-1984 

this fanfic is a exploration of the past,present and future for the characters

as in the ending of the show they were killed off because the writer’s had ran out of ideas.

The term "Lollipops and Gumdrops" is a made up term to describe feelings of wholesome mixed nostalgia

it's second meaning refers to the development of Vyvyan and Rick's relationship.

Chapter 1  (this explores the past of the characters prior to the events of The Young Ones)

 Before Scumbag

It was the early 1970s

In a fancy neighbourhood lived a family, and their son was sitting at the dinner table,

His parents were having an argument he had a vest and rolled up trousers with a few spots on his face.

His dad growled as he slammed his knife and fork on the table

“I SWEAR THIS NEIGHBOURHOOD HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY FILTHY HIPPIES!”

His mother nodded,

“Dominic I couldn’t agree more  useless layabouts all they want to do is do drugs and take up space on the roads with their protests”

Rick rattled his teeth as he nervously shook and timidly asked

“can I be excused?”

His dad shouted back

“Richard for the last time I said no talking when your mother is talking!”

His mum scoffed

“Yes, that’s incredibly rude  GO TO YOUR ROOM!”

Rick mumbled before he yelped, “I don’t have to do what you say fascists” as he attempted to flick a rude hand gesture

His dad glared

“HOW DARE YOU USE SUCH A OBSCENE GESTURE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!”

Rick staggered up to his room when he shut the door

Rick’s room was his escape his shed of wonder, music and revolution

Philosophy and Marxism books on his nightstand, posters of Cliff Richard and The Who on his wall

And his prized possession...his record player   he looked through his records and put on his Ziggy Stardust ep as the opening chords of Starman were music to his ears

He stripped off his white shirt, replacing it with his black shirt while he sat on his bed reading a graphic novel and wrote a bit of poetry

He said

“I wish I could be like Ziggy or Cliff...be someone else for a change...not lonely pathetic Richard

Someone not like that, Someone who isn’t boring someone who doesn’t take rules from anyone...except Marx”

While he finished flicking through the pages he looked through his dressing table and took out...his makeup compact  he wouldn’t dare tell anyone at school about his androgyny

But he felt that he could be something unique…

He adjusted the brushes and applied the various eyeshadows, blush and lip gloss to his face canvas

He had a cigarette in hand and relaxed in his chair bobbing his head to bowie’s inviting eclectic voice.

Elsewhere down the street was another high class family the mother and father were a few generations older but they still moaned about “workers” and how the youth were a threat to society” in their back garden was their son Neil he normally had slicked back hair and fancy suits but when he’d go outside he’d show the hippie wallflower he’d later become

"Oh what a lovely day it is today Hello flowers, hello sun, hello clouds, hello plants"

anthropomorphic vegetables and plants grinned back at him "Hello Neil!"

he’d catch insects, wander the hedge mazes and grow vegetables..but amongst the pretty vines that decorated the patio he’d sometimes think about wrapping those wreaths around his neck until all he could see would be the beautiful sunlight...one of the days he did that his parents found out and he was diagnosed with clinical depression,his parents saw that as a disgrace he lost sleep and would stay up on some nights but as much as he was miserable he knew he wasn’t the only one so Peace Studies was what he decided to study once he finally got a place in uni.

In the city in a more dangerous side of town lived a barmaid Lindsay and her daughter Vivian

Lindsay would work at the pub the Kebab and Calculator leaving Vivian alone on some days

"Viv I'm just heading down to the pub alright"

"ok Mum"

Vivian waved and nodded frowning as she shut the door

"Vivian put on the cassette player and the sound of the Misfits was blasted, Vivian turned on the television to watch horror films and aggressively punch pillows.

Vivian had gotten used to bad luck,he had to buy her own birthday presents Lindsay would just give booze as presents while Viv liked the odd babycham it got old after he hit 17 when Vivian would be alone Vivian would either play video games,watch tv,get in street fights with fascists,study for her science exams or go to clubs to mosh to punk music Vivian at times felt lost...it didn’t help that at times socialising was hard for Vivian she’d retaliate with violence often

when Vivian was little she'd just listen to enter sandman on her walkman while blowing bubbles.

Vivian didn’t feel like a girl. she would dread looking in the mirror, Vivian eventually decided to transition, Vivian became...Vyvyan being a punk Vyvyan felt like he could show more of his self-expression through his appearance and attitude  he made his dyed orange hair spiky, got a few piercings and bought a ton of band merch and patches for his “battle jacket”

Vivian would bind but he'd only do it when he'd be alone when his mum did find out his mum couldn't tell the difference

There was also Mike a runway model influenced by classic Hollywood who would scam people for money usually the money was just so he and his papa wouldn’t end up on the streets again.

Chapter 2  (considering the original ending resulted in the characters getting killed off via a bus crash with no answer to what happened afterwards this chapter gives an alternate ending of what would happen if they did survive)

: Summer Holiday Part 2

The aftermath of the bus crash

It had been a few decades

Rick, Vyvyan, Neil and Mike were at Uni, Scumbag College specifically

Richard took up a different name "Rick", he took inspiration from ziggy's style and put plaits in his hair projecting an androgynous appearance he would've been able to show previously he openly wrote his poetry and got interested in political science and Anarchism self-proclaiming himself as "The Peoples Poet"....however, his tory side still could be seen in his pretentious, egotistical attitude.

Vyvyan didn't change anything, Vyvyan didn't give a toss what people thought of him sure his explosive violence and anger were repetitive at times but sometimes his compromises of destroying property were needed considering their lack of money and food stock.

Neil expressed the flower child that he truly was...but he was also a bit of a hypochondriac believing superstitions easily not the brightest crayon in the box but at least he had good cooking skills using the vegetables he had grown to make soups, lentils and other dishes

Mike just kept his "cool person" persona he couldn't get enough qualifications to get to mainstream colleges so he bribed the deen his course was business and advertising

It was kinda depressing...having to eat leftovers half the time, often having to deal with fights either from Vyv and Rick or from the people outside.

but they knew that they had nobody else, the country was in political hell so Rick's constant thatcher bashing was justified, Vyvyan's habit of destroying stuff was needed so they'd have money left, without Neil they'd not have much food and without Mike they wouldn't have someone to be the "voice of reason" in times of such chaos.

Thus the bank robbery ironically being at the same time as another bank robbery, in that bus, everything was nothing as they happily sung Cliff Richard's "Summer Holiday" only to drive off the cliff.

BOOM!

Neil and Mike got away quickly with minor burns...Vyvyan and Rick, on the other hand, we're stuck inside amongst the flames and debris

Neil shouted "Oh Mike this is very heavy, like more heavy than anything else we've ever experienced"

Mike nodded in response "I agree this is starting to be dangerously serious" as he flicked out his phone and called emergency services

"YOU BASTARDS YOU COMPLETE UTTER BASTARDS ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE US HERE TO ROT HELL?" Rick screamed in panic

"Oh damn I never thought it would end this way, I never got to have my first love, my first shag none of that I am going to wilt like the great leaders that came before me I guess the pigs have won I guess there is no future, no future for me," he started sobbing

Rick stopped sobbing when he noticed an uncomfortable silence outside of the roaring flames around him...the silence was coming from Vyvyan at the front of the bus

Rick out of his seat and crawled underneath the flames up to where Vyvyan was "Vyvyan?" he quietly asked as he shook the unconscious punk in front of him

he repeated himself "VYVYAN?" he yelled at the top of his voice

Rick knew this wasn't good "No! God no, please not him sure we had our rows, fights and disagreements but he never left, I enjoyed when we'd take the piss out of each other, I don't know how I'd continue life without him, I'm not letting the fascists win...Vyv he..., Rick gulped "he was my friend"

he grabbed Vyvyan's body and carried him over his back while kicking the doors and windows open

now on the ground away from the flaming inferno, Rick tried to process the situation and his background knowledge of CPR

he rested Vyvyan on the flat surface and begun to tilt Vyv's head back slightly putting pressure on his jaw

smirking in relief Rick noticed there was something else he had to do he looked sideways

he inhaled pinching Vyvyan's nose with his thumb and index finger as he placed his mouth over Vyvyan's and took some quick breaths

Vyvyan started to be coming back to him Rick released his nostrils he could sense Vyvyan breathing again

Vyvyan was confused as he attempted a punch only for Rick to block Vyv's fist and kiss it

eventually, emergency services arrived Vyvyan didn't give more punches as wires and patches were put onto him while he was placed onto a stretcher and being checked for injuries and burns"

Vyvyan coughed a bit and said

"What happened?"

Rick stood nearby smirking

"We crashed a bus over a cliff conveniently placed next to a billboard of Cliff"

Vyvyan gave a snarling type of expression

"No, you bastard to me, what happened to me?"

Rick kept his smile but spoke more solemn

"You...you almost died your oxygen was low and because you were at the front of the bus you took the most damage"

Vyvyan tried to process the information and raised his eyebrows

"and you saved me?"

Rick nodded,

Vyvyan gulped speaking in a less rough raspy voice

"Thank you"

Rick kept smiling cheerfully at Vyvyan when he saw Neil and Mike running up

"There you lot are what were you waiting for? the end of the world? there's more to life than being a cloud you know" he scoffed.

Neil moaned

"Sorry Rick, but that was very heavy"

Mike folded his hands

"Neil's right that was horrible what you and Vyv were dealing with" "still it was smart of you to save him like that, I'm proud of you

Rick blushed at the compliment

Mike continued "I understand why you call yourself a peoples poet you're a poet for the people, you care for the people or the "workers" as you call them" he then patted Rick's head in a fatherly way"

Rick smirked "Yeah not all people some people are fascists but...some people..some people are alright"

Later they were in the hospital and it was no different than when they were at home instead of moaning about thatch Rick moaned about the NHS, Vyvyan would threaten to attack him with medical instruments and they'd chase each other, Neil would get leftovers from the vending machines and cafes nearby and Mike would flirt with the nurses.

Rick sat in his hospital bed, bored beyond belief, "I hate this, the stupid education system, the ruddy NHS, it's no different than prison"

Mike read his magazine "Well you're lucky we aren't in prison I'm never going back into the slammer you hear"

Neil moaned, "we get it but maybe if we got jobs, we could get the house back and avoid prison"

Rick scoffed smirking "WELL FOR ONCE NEIL HAS THE RIGHT IDEA!"

Mike said, " Rick I'm trying to read"

Rick answered back, "well then again we are innocent, we scrapped through our GSCE's, the bus I stole was already about to be destroyed anyway and the bank was already being robbed when we tried to rob it,we've all got social diseases but our opinions shall be justified by the riots going on in this country, and if the pigs do give us a visit we'll give this alibi

"Gee, Officer Krupke, we’re very upset; We never had the love that every Child oughta get We ain’t no delinquents We’re misunderstood Deep down inside us, there is good!"

Mike groaned, "Oh no he's singing Broadway songs"

Rick kept singing out of tune "We’re no good, we’re no good We’re no earthly good Like the best of us is no damn good!"

Vyvyan yawned and lept out of his bed grabbing a plastic knife and fork, aiming them at Neil and Mike

Rick said, "if it wasn't for me you'd be dead"

Vyvyan shrugged, "well it does feel more like hell than it does a hospital"

Neil asked, "Vyv why aren't you, your usual aggressive self?"

Vyvyan chuckled to himself "I'm taking a break from that, the doctors say my anger levels give me a risk of having high blood pressure, headaches and other problems

Mike emotionlessly turned his head "Oh"

Neil then walked  off to the cafe and vending machines to get food

Vyvyan fidgeted with the plastic fork as sat by Rick's hospital bed smirking at him

"Well this is it, new world, new people yet you're still stuck with us aren't you?"

Rick grinned, "Yeah, in a way we are kind of like a weird family, We're the children, Neil's the mum and Mike...."

Mike rolled his eyes "your the one thinking of weird ideas, Rick"

Rick snorted "well your the one to talk Dad"

Vyvyan fell on the floor laughing, while Mike blushed bright red "Oi! nobody who isn't a date of mine can call me that!"

Vyvyan got up "I think we've heard enough out of you've listened to too much Frankie goes Hollywood"

Mike tried to backpedal "T-They said that song was about motivation"

Vyvyan and Rick smirked at each other ".....Sure"

Rick then looked at Mike smiling innocently "it's ok Mike, we accept you for the gay dad that you are"

Mike said, "I'm not gay, I like men but I like ladies as well"

Rick cheered, "So your Bi, like Freddie Mercury wonderful"

Neil walked back carrying a wooden tray of sandwiches, chocolate bars, chips, toast and sausages, placing it on the nearby coffee table

"Hi Guys, I got us some supper, and it's not lentils"

Rick jumped for joy hugging Neil "Thank you, Neil, you shouldn't have  Now! let's have the last supper"

Neil smiled "Uh, your welcome Rick, but why are you suddenly being so nice?"

Rick grinned as he walked back to his bed "I, Nice? Neil the people's poet is always thankful for their people and goods, it's just part of my nature"

in between bites of food he got more honest speaking in a softer tone "I've learned a lot from you,Vyv and Mike, I was an internally homophobic twat back then,I would lash out at others when I was really angry with myself,I became sarcastic I was angry with the world but was still learning how to shake off my parent's conservative values for the revolutionary Marxism I was studying,I am grateful I know you, and how your able to put up with a bastard like me, I love you, my comrades, we are all Young Ones,and I've accepted who I am too,I'm Rick and I am brilliant"

Vyvyan sat on the side of Rick's bed smiling at him hiding tears "that is the soppiest thing I've ever heard but now you've made cry, hope your happy"

a few years after that they performed alongside Cliff himself for Comic Relief 1986 their cover got the song in the charts again and it felt like they would always be "ThE YoUNG ONES"

who weren't afraid...to live, love while their love is strong even when they wouldn't be Young Ones anymore.

Chapter 3  (this explains what the Young Ones were up to in the 1990s)

: Common People

It was the 90s Rick was into Britpop, Vyvyan was into glam punk and industrial music like KMFDM, Neil was grunge and Mike wore dad Hawaiian shirts

they weren't tv stars like before though, the most they got was from US Reruns on Comedy Central

they still lived in the same house they just changed it up a bit Vyvyan spent more time going to industrial mosh pits or appearing in advertisements Neil also appeared in advertisements,advertisements for petrol in Austrailia...yeah I don't get it either Mike got back to college but studied a different topic he studied film and Rick well out of his still active political life oh! you should've seen

Rick stood on a blue stage that had his name sparkle on a neon sign above him he was in his old outfit of a rolled up shirt, tie and jeans

She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge, She studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College, That's where I, Caught her eye. She told me that her Dad was loaded, I said "In that case, I'll have a rum and coca-cola." She said "Fine." And in thirty seconds time, she said, I want to live like common people, I want to do whatever common people do, I want to sleep with common people, I want to sleep with common people, Like you. Well what else could I do I said "I'll see what I can do." I took her to a supermarket, I don't know why, But I had to start it somewhere, So it started there. I said pretend you've got no money, She just laughed and said, "Oh you're so funny." I said "Yeah? Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here. Are you sure you want to live like common people, You want to see whatever common people see, You want to sleep with common people, You want to sleep with common people, Like me. But she didn't understand, She just smiled and held my hand. Rent a flat above a shop, Cut your hair and get a job. Smoke some fags and play some pool, Pretend you never went to school. But still you'll never get it right, 'Cause when you're laid in bed at night, Watching roaches climb the wall, If you called your Dad he could stop it all. You'll never live like common people, You'll never do whatever common people do, You'll never fail like common people, You'll never watch your life slide out of view, And dance and drink and screw, Because there's nothing else to do. Sing along with the common people, Sing along and it might just get you through. Laugh along with the common people, Laugh along even though they're laughing at you, And the stupid things that you do. Because you think that poor is cool. Like a dog lying in a corner, They will bite you and never warn you, Look out, they'll tear your insides out. 'Cause everybody hates a tourist, Especially one who thinks it's all such a laugh, Yeah and the chip stain's grease, Will come out in the bath. You will never understand How it feels to live your life With no meaning or control And with nowhere left to go. You are amazed that they exist And they burn so bright, Whilst you can only wonder why. Rent a flat above a shop Cut your hair and get a job Smoke some fags and play some pool Pretend you never went to school, But still you'll never get it right 'Cause when you're laid in bed at night And watching roaches climb the wall, If you called your dad he could stop it all Yeah You'll never live like common people You'll never do what common people do You'll never fail like common people You'll never watch your life slide out of view And then dance and drink and screw Because there's nothing else to do I want to live with common people like you.....

"I LOVE YOU JOHNNY MARR,DAMON ALBARN AND MORRISSEY!!!" Rick shouted into his microphone

Vyvyan snarled at Rick "Shut up Britpop bastard"

Vyvyan snatched the microphone and bulged his eyes out at the audience he had dark purple eyeliner and vampire esque contour on "Oh the beautiful people, the beautiful people

Neil then took the mic "Where the lights out, "ENTERTAIN US!", "HERE WE ARE NOW!"

Mike finger-gunned the audience "I'll be here" singing the spice girls I'll be there out of tune

Chapter 4 (and now the present and future,how the characters are interacting in the 21st century)

: The Young Ones: Years on into the vaporwave moonlight

The Young Ones in the 2010s note:this chapter is littered with Internet references

Rick was on a parade float holding a guitar filled with "angst" he had a military type outfit on and his pigtails were undone so his semi-long hair could be shown

"When I was a young child, my dad took me into the city, to see the marching band," "he said, Richard, you'll grow up would you be the poet saviour for the people, broken, beaten and the damned

Neil would play post-grunge songs with local bands for events like weddings, pub parties etc. , Mike was in a rockabilly revival subculture and Vyvyan was a fan of White Stripes and Gorillaz

But a new decade was just starting to show

Rick said,

"Vyvyan that's the wrong tape rewind it"'

Neil moaned as he worried about the camera

"Oh guys stop being so heavy it's just a polaroid"

Vyvyan then adjusted the camera correctly and handed it back to Neil who was wearing hipster attire with a star necklace around his neck and tarot cards in his other hand

.......SHUTTER...........rec:o beep 02:10:18

Rick rested on his bed posing in an "aesthetic" way decorated in an 80s anime styled sweater with his name written in Japanese characters, a pastel coloured cardigan and his plaits out like before wearing light orange shades singing the song lyric "I want blood, guts and chocolate cake"

Vyvyan ran over to his side placing a tray of crisps, ketchup and chocolate on the dressing table dipping the crisps in the ketchup eating them as he begun to fidget with a fake rainbow coloured butterfly knife before shoving Rick's face into the chocolate cake

"VYVYAN YOU RUINED MY AESTHETIC!"

Vyvyan screamed "I WAS BORED, IT'S NOT THAT HORRENDOUS TO OFFEND OSCAR WILDE IS IT"?

on a book cover, a ghost of Oscar Wilde is folding his hands sarcastically "no I suppose not peasant"

later that night Vyvyan was sitting in front of his laptop recording with a torch, microphone and horror figurines around his room "Hey mates it's Vyvyan's spooky storytime of True Crime" "so there was this girl in Liverpool and she knew some boys of the neighbourhood who would frequently mock and harass her so...she stabbed them and hid their corpses in the local pond"

"BE QUIET IM TRYING TO LISTEN TO JAPANESE 80S MUSIC WOULD YOU STOP BEING A HYBRISTOPHILLIAC!" Rick shouted from next door

Vyvyan shouted back, "CULTURAL APPROPRIATOR"

Rick overdramatically gasped "How dare you I am no weeaboo unlike you"

the next day they were at Mcdonalds when Neil noticed something about their meal

" I don't think we should eat this, it's not vegan you don't get it I'm literally eating death"

Vyvyan shrugged

"It's no different than the rest of the manufactured garbage you get in these places"

Mike nodded and Rick smirked, "Yeah Neil, if you hate the place so much eat somewhere else"

Neil moaned "but I don't go anywhere else without you"

they all groaned while Neil kept complaining

"You see all your doing is killing and torturing these animals"

Vyvyan rolled his eyes "Yeah animals that eat their offspring"

Neil wouldn't shut up so Rick stabbed him with a fork

when he noticed Mike was telling a waiter about what happened he hid in the bathroom "I can't believe it I killed Neil, it was all over one silly argument how could I?"

Vyvyan opened the door "you, miserable sod you can come back out now Neil's still alive nothing serious"

Rick breathed a sigh of relief "Thank goodness"

a few days later Mike wanted Vyvyan to stick his head out the window again.....for the vine

"ok Vyv just do what you did before on university challenge," Mike said as he manoeuvred his phone

"Do not stick your head out the window, mmm I wonder why" Vyvyan then slammed his head against the window as the video was done being recorded

Mike smirked to himself "this will get me lots of hits" Vyvyan had a few cuts on his face, he wasn't happy "You bastard my face is gonna need stitches now because of this!"

Mike ignored him only for Vyvyan to say "It's not stopping me from wanting to kick your face in" as he chased Mike and had a slapstick fight with him

while they were in the middle of that Billy Balowski was nearby rapping badly "Hey it's Lil Balowski and this is what I'm doing today I'm kneeing this two for not giving their pay"

It was night-time and Vyvyan and Rick were watching the sunset Rick said, feeling nostalgic "remember the good old days when we would attack each other with cricket bats and call out thatcher in our satirical performances"

Vyvyan finished his cigarette and said "Yeah, those were wild times of complete madness the chasing like Tom and Jerry and constant mentions of bottom"

Rick laughed it off "I recall you wanted to kiss my bottom" Vyvyan smirked "I did not, you wanted to kiss my bottom, anyways we were young ones then and we aren't young anymore"

Rick looked out into the now present moonlight "technically we will always be young ones, the floating timeline keeps us this way, it's like hell but it's our personal hell an anarchic fun open hell, not a fascist one"

Vyvyan nodded "hey, what was your life before this like anyway?" Rick inhaled and said "Well it certainly wasn't all lollipops and gumdrops" "I had some elements of self-expression and I did love some parts of my life but other parts are overshadowed by negative memories being told to believe on the right wing side of things. Where nothing but political lies were fed to you with Teresa and Trump the world seems to be repeating itself, but I never got a chance to fully spread my wings until meeting you. I was usually a quite timid, shy bloke, heh I do like the others but it was you who I felt the most connected to...you had an energy that I wanted but now I know I already had it now I have someone beautiful to share it with."

Vyvyan was surprised that all of that was hidden in those whining tantrums Rick had back in the 1980s but he felt like his eyes had been opened he felt the same way, he held Rick's hand and smiled at him "I think so too, you, annoyingly revolting, amazing sod"

Rick blushed under his glasses

Vyvyan mumbled smirking, "P-Peoples Poet"

Rick then kissed Vyvyan he kissed back as they cuddled throughout the night

no cricket bats, no punches, no fighting

just love sickeningly revolting but wonderful...love

......Love is the answer ~ Rik Mayall (1958-2014)

#the young ones #tribute #fanfic #fanfiction #fluff #fluff and angst #rick pratt #vyvyan basterd #neil pye #mike the cool person

[lunebinnie]

(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste?  🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh. 

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually. 

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities  you know). 

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool. 

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

#asa #Anonymous

[mystech-master]

The ONE thing I want from BBTAG

The one thing that’ll make me more happy than anything

is if sometime during the story mode, SOMEONE takes Ragna’s side on an argument.

Like maybe they see Jin an/or Hakumen go all “DARK ONE/BROTHER, DIE!” and just be like “dude what’s your problem?” (I saw a pic of the UNI story mode with Hyde talking to Blake, so yeah I believe the DLC characters WILL be present in story mode). I mean considering who they are and the power they got it won’t do much against, them but it’d be nice to see someone defending Ragna from these guys. Especially since no one else knows about the “Leader of the Six Heroes” or “Hero of Ikaruga” stuff they are known for, so they won’t have a bias.

or maybe Rachel, Kokonoe (I assume she’ll talk through Tager as his role IS to be Kokonoe’s proxy), or Platinum decide to snark at/sass him about something stupid and someone tells them to fuck off. Like Rachel is just a snarky prude and insults him for not understanding her over-complicated way of explaining things or jut needlessly insults him for her own amusement, (It isn’t cute, or funny to me okay, it’s just annoying. Seriously Hyde’s relationship with Linne is WAY less aggravating than this). I do find it funny that in their pre-battle intro Rachel seems to be trying to cozy up to Linne but Linne jut seems kinda like “seriously?”, like maybe Rachel tries to bond over their similar situations but because Linne isn’t an uptight prude who insults Hyde all the time she won’t have the same sentiments. Kokonoe is kind of an insufferable genius but because her level of science can rival beings with god-like reality power I doubt she’ll listen to anything these less-intelligent shmucks have to say. And I can imagine Linne, Orie and Vatista all having flashbacks to Nanase when dealing with Luna calling Ragna a Pedo.

Hmm, side thought. The computer in that 5 min story mode video that was released said that this was “Another world”, so, assuming Rachel IS just vague because she is the Onlooker and can’t directly tell people stuff becasue that would be intervening, maybe as a loophole she can explain stuff because technically she can’t intervene in THE/HER world as in “one”, this new world is outside that jurisdiction so she can be more open and active now and actually explain shit in a much better way. Still doesn’t justify her being a snarky prude to Ragna but still.

I mean think about it, none of these other characters know about the “Black Beast” or the “Dark One” or the “Grim Reaper”. So this’ll be a chance for someone to meet and know Ragna as RAGNA and not as all the stuff his world focuses on.

I guess I kinda want this to be a semi-non-canon “Better than Canon plot” where the Bb cast interacting with the not-so-asshole-ish cast members of the other 3 franchises would help them learn to not be total dicks. But considering these guys have massive egos and none of these other guys have any sort of leeway or leg to stand on against them, It’s doubtful.

So I’ll just stick with my one wish. Have the characters from Persona, UNI, and RWBY treat Ragna 10X better than the people from his world.

If they keep the trailer teams in Story Mode, I’d love to see a weird big/little bro or mentor/student relationship between Ragna and Hyde. It’d be cool to see Ragna giving Hyde some pointers (considering Hyde is the last experienced out of the protagonists) and Hyde treating Ragna not-like shit. I remember that Hyde sometimes says it feels like he can’t control himself when using the Insulator, maybe Ragna picks up that this is almost similar to his situation with the Azure Grimoire and help him out. Plus Hyde is a pretty nice guy and might be able to defuse a situation that Ragna’s own bad attitude might cause, but if all else fails he’s got that existence destroying sword to back them up.

Another thing, THE PERSONA 4 TEAM. They have been shown TWICE that they are willing to risk themselves, their existence, and the world for the sake of their friends. Once with Marie in Golden, who was trying to erase her existence to stop the fog and take their memories of her with them so they wouldn’t miss her (DOESN’T THAT SOUND FAMILIAR!?), and in Persona Q with Rei, they were willing to risk their own existence to save Rei, they may not have said anything about it but their existence being gone would’ve caused the end of the world twice over (I know that their memories of that time were erased but it still shows that they have that mindset). So yeah, Team Persona would totally be all for being bros with Ragna and trying to save him from whatever bullshit fate the Azure Grimoire or the Universe had/has in store for him. And once again, if the trailer teams are there, I’d like to see how Narukami feels about Jin’s murder-boner for his brother. Order vs Truth.

Gimmie this and I will be happy, but if not and everyone takes the other character’s sides and gives him crap b/c “LOL, the world hates Ragna” (that gimmick is old and lame guys) then everyone in those other series will have my rage for joining in on the “Let’s make Ragna’s life a living hell” club.

Edit: added a bit more and made some edits they MIGHT sound a bit better

#bbtag #blazblue cross tag battle #ragna the bloodedge #hopes #blazblue #hyde kido #persona #persona 4 #persona q

[inbetweenactuality-blog]

Looking back on my 4th semester

This was the semester with 12 weeks of clinicals and no theory classes. I was looking forward to this because so many weeks of clinicals back-to-back would be like actually working. Looking back on it, I realize that that was only half true, because each week or two weeks, the clinical setting changed as we were moving from ward to ward, so it was like starting at a new place all over again.

We started the semester in the beginning of 2020, just innocent second years not knowing what was in store for us. Three weeks in, covid happened in our city, so our clinicals were delayed until further notice. Thus began my journey of staying home for 7 months. I had a personal goal to stay home for 1 year lol but 7 months later, the semester restarted again. During those 7 months, we did our 5th semester online since it was only theory subjects. 

I did 3 subjects this semester.

1. Medical and surgical nursing practice I: This subject consisted of 2 weeks of ICU postings and 2 weeks of OT postings. The first postings of the semester was in ICU AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. I wish to work there after I graduate. The environment was so lovely and organized, and the 1:2 nurse patient ratio made it possible to actually give good quality care. And the best thing was, I had a great mentor (who I found out was only 2 or 3 year older than me CRAZY) who let me do everything. She let me do the complete care for one patient every day, and she actually taught me stuff about drugs and calculations and, well, everything. This was the first mentor I had who actually cared enough to teach me. The others usually treated me like their servant or assistant, who was just there to observe and bring them things from the stock when they forget to bring something to the bedside. I saw my first dead body here. It was a baby with downs syndrome. I saw another body of a girl who was close to my age. I do wish I saw more critical things happen like codes and giving cpr, but overall it was the nicest clinicals I’ve done and I learned more here than all my previous clinicals combined. These 2 weeks, however, were also extremely anxiety-inducing. I think it was because my mentor was very strict and always nudged me to do things faster. It was like being back in the cadet camp from school days. She was amazing but never said anything positive so I felt stupid and like I didn’t know anything. I was extremely burnt out by the end of those 2 weeks, and right after that, I had my OT postings. Which was the worst place I’d clinicals in. It started off great, with a long-ass orientation by a sweet young nurse. And then I was assigned to the worst mentor ever, ‘H’, who had the perception that all students are terrible and don’t try to learn and idek. Almost made me cry. She talked crap about students to the other nurses when I was right there, as if I didn’t exist. Anywayy, most of the nurses there were like that. The only way I survived was because there was a lot of down-time after the initial surgeries in the morning, which I got to spend with my friends in the OT. There were 5 of us in each shift, and they were the sweetest funniest people, so things were more bearable. The place also had a lot of similarity to grey’s anatomy because there was this hallway with stretchers, where we and some of the nurses lounged around after surgeries. On the last day of that week, covid happened. I was completely burnt out then, so I took it as a huge blessing. Covid was terrible, but I kept going with positive thoughts. I’m a big introvert so I didn’t really have any trouble staying home for so long. I ended up having to do the remaining week of OT clinicals in another hospital a year later. This place was nicer with nice nurses and more surgeries, but my God were the surgeons rude. They treated the nurses worse than animals, most of them. Their usual behavior included shouting, cursing, a lot of ef bombs, throwing things including expensive equipment, ungratefulness, no patience whatsoever. Yeah... Most of the nurses quit so the place was extremely understaffed too. I wish they all quit at the same time. Let’s see the surgeons do surgeries by themselves. 

2. Reproductive health nursing practice: This consisted of 3 weeks of postings in an obg ward, and 1 week in a reproductive health center. I had the first 3 weeks in a hospital in another island, so I had to cross a bridge everyday on the bus. It was actually quite nice. Just a lot of time wasted on traveling. But it was the second week I’d been out since covid, so the fresh air made me realize going outside was a huge serotonin boost and great for my mental health. I’d never realized this before. The mentor I had there was the sweetest lady ever. I bathed a baby for the first time (it was the baby’s first bath of his life too!) and got comfortable with holding newborns, which I’d always been scared of. I would’ve seen a delivery had it not been for covid. I saw a lot of blood that came out of one patient, which was a strange experience. I realized what gynecologists not to go to (lol). I also had to stay over at my aunt’s house some days because covid curfew meant I couldn’t travel back home after evening shifts. The other week I did in a closer hospital in the reproductive health center. The nurse in-charge was very sweet and she ended up being the examiner of 2 of my hospital exams of the semester. This place was where pregnant ladies came for their antepartum visits. We had to do abdominal palpations of 10 patients. I was able to do only 9, but they accepted it because covid meant there were very few patients. I also did an extra week of clinicals here because the clinicals schedule was made very messily from uni. RHC posting was fun because all the students were able to lounge around in the baby feeding room until patients came. We also went to the OBG ER on alternating days, so that was a fun experience too. All the nurses I met in these areas were very sweet.

3. Pediatric nursing practice: This consisted of 1 week of postings in a baby vaccinating place + a thalassemia center, 1 week in a NICU and 2 weeks in a pediatric ward. I did only 1 week in pediatric ward because, again, messy clinicals schedule. Baby vaccinating place was useless because we weren’t allowed to give vaccines to any babies. The nurses there didn’t care about us either and didn’t bother to answer our questions well. We did check a bunch of heights and weights, though. That was cute. NICU was lovely. I wouldn’t mind working there in the future. I grew quite attached to one of the babies, who was actually from a druggie family and was under the care of the government. Poor thing. I also saw a DNR premature baby dying (from very far away though, I couldn’t muster up the courage to go closer), and the parents holding the baby as it died in their arms. It was very heartbreaking. Pediatric ward posting was crap. The place was extremely unorganized. The nurses didn’t bother to teach us anything, and we just had to check vitals of aaallll the kids there every shift, which took about 2 hours every time. And not an ounce of gratefulness from the nurses. In fact, they criticized us for taking too much time. I’ve learned not to take things too personally at this point. There was one adorable little boy I got to care for for a few minutes when he was first admitted. I was the first nurse-figure to go to him, so I made sure to make it fun and not scary. I took his vitals and applied all my pediatric tricks into it. The baby insisted on getting a second hug from the bp cuff afterwards. 

I just got the results for this semester, and I did pretty well. Yay. I wish I’d done more, honestly, but I was very stressed and burned out pretty much the whole time. But my upcoming semester is also 12 weeks of clinicals, so I’ll try to make the most of my experience then. 

[perdizzion]

I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations. 

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride. 

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

#THIS GOT SO LONG OMG LKSDJFSD IM SO SORRY #I GOT CARRIED AWAY #i just....really wanted to explain everything as descriptive as possible #so i could help at least a little bit #aAAA #anonymous #answers

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

#PLLGameOver

@sleepinthegardn: Today closes the chapter on a very significant part of my life. A chapter I had never imagined or even dreamt of having written. When I left collage I thought I was headed to NYC (hopefully for some jobs on stage) Little did I know life was actually taking me to Rosewood, Pennsylvania. Where they insisted I would need to do high school for about 6 more years. Life (for reasons that will continue to reveal themselves to me ) made me a Pretty Little Liar. For 8 years. For around 10,000 hours of my life it asked me to be Spencer Hastings. It took me to days where I couldn’t stop laughing, and nights when I wished I could have been sleeping in bed, instead of running in the wet and cold for the umpteenth take at 5AM but somehow we made it through and we had fun even then. Every moment with this cast and crew, in this town, every breath I took with Spencer, every text, dead body, new suspect, terrifying scream, new relationship and “kisses, A” taught me something extraordinary. It taught me patience, and how to approach my craft, how to direct, produce, it taught me about collaboration, experimentation, risk, friendship, family, empathy, sacrifice and above all LOVE. Being Spencer Hastings in this crazy world is something I still don’t quite understand, but I know it was a rare and beautiful gift. A gift that will continue to give for the rest of my days on this Earth. And I wanted to say THANK YOU to all of the people who gave it to me. To all of the people who believed in me and made it possible, to my friends and family who loved me through it and above all to YOU, the fans, who watched, who tweeted, and posted, who theorized, swooned and screamed. We got a lot out of this experience, but I would have been nothing without you. Thank you and I love you all very much. (I love you too, Spencer, you weirdo). Enjoy tonight. I know I will. #pllendgame #spencerhastings

Troian’s Farewells 

@lucyhale: Tomorrow 😭 #pllendgame

@lucyhale: I can almost remember the day about 8 years ago that we took this photo. Little did we know, our lives were about to change drastically. For me to be speechless says a lot, but I'm finding it hard to find the words to express my gratitude to every single person that made this show a success. Sometimes simple is better and I just want to say ...I will miss you Pretty Little Liars. Thanks to@imarleneking --She knows what she did ❤️ , the whole cast, hardworking crew, producers and writers and all of YOU. You became part of the family. And to Aria-- you became a part of me in a way, but I'll always keep you close ❤️

@lucyhale: I'm gonna be posting A LOT of pll stuff today so I'm apologizing in advance 🤸🏻‍♀️

@lucyhale: group "shhh" for the last episode 😭😭😭

@sashapieterse27: Today is the day. My friends. My forever #pllfamily . In this bittersweet moment (and always), I am forever grateful for these 8 years. There are no words to describe this incredible journey, but I'll do my best. We have truly created an impeccable love story thanks to the wonderful and one of a kind @imarleneking and our amazing cast and crew. I am so ridiculously grateful to each and every one of them. To our amazing fans I am most definitely forever grateful. You guys have been so loyal and passionate! You have made every second possible, worth it, gratifying, touching, and especially memorable. We truly shot every season, episode, scene, and second for you. You will always have a place in my heart. When we cried you cried, when we laughed you laughed, when we were scared you were scared, when we were mad you were mad, and when we loved you loved. We are always in sync and we always will be. Thank you for entrusting us with your time for 8 years. Let us celebrate all the fun and growth we've shared. I love love love you all more than you could ever know. Congratulations @imarleneking @sleepinthegardn @lucyhale @ashleybenson @shaymitchell @janelparrish @tylerjblackburn @ianmharding @keeoone @theandreaparker @vrayskull #lauraleighton @thehmc @niapeeples #chadlowe #nolannorth #lesleyfera @tamminsursok @brantdaugherty @brendanrobinson @codychristian @julianmorris #jimabele @huwcollins #lindsayshaw @torreydevitto #drewvanacker #brycejohnson @yanigellman #romamafia @diegoboneta #shanecoffey #lulubrud #annebethgish @chloebridges #ryanguzman #kararoyster #jimtitus and the many many many more amazing cast members who created magic. And congratulations & amen to @lisacochranpll & our entire crew and production team who made every day possible. We shared every day, every fraturday, every joy of birthdays, housewarmings, weddings, new baby's, etc. and we shared sadness as well. I am blessed to know all of you. You are forever family. It still hurts my soul to not see you every day. Another big thank you to @freeform of course! I could go on forever! But, I will leave it as pure love. Rosewood forever lives on and this is not goodbye. Love always, Sash

@sashapieterse27: Yesterday marked the end of a major chapter in my life. 

As I’m sure a few of you know, the TV show Pretty Little Liars had it’s very last finale last night. I woke up feeling sick with a huge knot in my stomach! It’s so surreal that there will be no more live “previously on Pretty Little Liars” and no more “Shhh’s” at the end of that now very iconic song. But as I joined my PLL family to watch the finale, I was hit by this wave of absolute joy. It dawned on me that this is an end to an era. A very important era, but even more importantly it was a time to celebrate. To embrace the incredibly wonderful time we all shared together and to soak in every bit of joy it had brought me and others. PLL…playing Alison has been such a crucial part of my childhood and now adulthood. From starting and graduating high school, getting my drivers license, buying my first home, getting engaged to my best friend, and now wedding planning, what a trip! I just want to thank you. I wish I could give all of you a huge hug! You have seen me grow and you have grown with me. Thank you for always sticking by me, for never giving up on me or Alison. As I enter this new chapter of my life, I hope you will continue with me. There’s so many new fun adventures I’m about to journey through and I would be so honored if you all ride along with me. My blog @sashaingoodtaste is definitely one of those adventures. Sasha in Good Taste doesn’t just stop at this blog, there’s so many more things in store (very soon) that I can’t wait to show you! Creating and entertaining is such a passion of mine and having you share that alongside me, means the absolute world to me! We. are. family. and Rosewood will forever live on! I wholeheartedly ADORE YOU! Love, Sasha…-A #prettylittleliars #pllfamily #emisonfamily #emison #emisonisendgame #sashaingoodtaste

Sasha’s Live Tweets

@ashleybenson: #bts of us watching fan videos made by all of you during our very last scene we filmed

@ashleybenson: ❤️

A post shared by Ashley Benson (@ashleybenson) on Jun 27, 2017 at 3:08pm PDT

@ashleybenson: I LOVE YOU GUYS. Thank you for coming on this journey with me and the rest of the cast for the last seven years. Without all of you watching every week none of this would've been possible. Pll was an such amazing experience and I am so lucky I got to work with the BEST cast and crew who I am now lucky enough to call family. Hope you enjoy the last episode ever of PLL ❤️

@shaymitchell: One of the hardest scenes I think for all of us to shoot- the last scene of this incredible journey... #PrettyLittleLiars #PLLGameOver #notadryeye

@shaymitchell: The streets of Rosewood will always feel like home. I will hold each of these girls close to my heart always, as I will Emily. She changed me as a person and I will never be able to say thank you enough. Thanks to the cast, crew, and of course, the fans. The little show that could kept chugging along because of all of you and I am forever grateful for the impact you all have made in my life the last 7 years. So tonight, as we say our final farewell to Rosewood, I say the biggest thanks to all of you. 💋 #PrettyLittleLiars #PLLGameOver 😥

@janelparrish: It's here. The end. Join us in watching our beautiful series finale written and directed by our fearless leader and show runner, the brilliant@imarleneking. To her, I say...thank you. Thank you for this journey...thank you for my @prettylittleliars family...thank you for Mona. Thank you for 7 years. And to the fans...thank YOU. We wouldn't be here without you. Tonight truly is for all of you. Thanks for being our #pllarmy for all these years. And never stop! To these ladies...I'll miss working alongside such beautiful and powerful women. You are all fearless warriors, my sisters✊🏻 To All of our cast and crew...my heart loves you all so much it hurts. Words don't even do this justice. I love all of you. Thank you. Enjoy our finale tonight. Xo bitches, -J

@janelparrish: Goodbye. I love you.

@janelparrish: Shout out to whoever made this. I adore it. I'll miss the many faces of Mona...which Mona was your favorite?

@ianmharding: This is the actual bar in Vancouver where we shot the infamous "Aria meets Ezra" scene. I snapped this with a disposable camera because I couldn't afford a phone with a camera. Also, Lucy is noticeably absent in all of these because I didn't want to look like an amateur and ask for a picture of the two of us. #pll

@ianmharding: Another pic from the pilot. Troian, Torrey, Julian and myself all went to Sushi one night and this is the photo I managed to grab in between sips of sake and bites Julian's favorite: Uni rolls. #pll

@ianmharding: Another one from the archives. This is the result of Ezra's "bravery on the rooftop" #pll

@ianmharding: This picture was taken in between takes of the noir episode and pretty much sums up how I want to remember my experience on PLL: looking classy while having the most hilarious time of my life. Thank you to all who have made the show what it is. I'm forever grateful. Enjoy tonight! #pll

@keeoone: As we all say goodbye to@prettylittleliars tomorrow, let's take the time to honor these powerful women that brought all of us together. ALL of us. Including YOU reading this. You're a vital part of why the show was created and why it went so far. We did it for you. Everything. Each of you held these moments and shared them with us through social media, at viewing parties, with a friend or family member...I can never express in words how truly extraordinary that is. Thank you.

@keeoone: My first day on set of @prettylittleliars - now I am watching the final minutes of the show.

@keeoone: Troian 🖤 outstanding work in that finale and always. You brought to life the answers the pll world was waiting for. 🖤 (Photo of the back of Troian's head, Alex Drake in the foreground and Spencer Hastings in the background)

@tylerjblackburn: DAD @keeoone #PLLGameOver

A post shared by Tyler Blackburn (@tylerjblackburn) on Jun 27, 2017 at 4:58pm PDT

@tylerjblackburn: Emotional 😩💔 #PLLGameOver (rg: @daily.tyler)

@vrayskull: Thank you to all of the amazing@prettylittleliars fans for watching this show about extraordinary women. I've loved every second of my #Pll time. Thank you @imarleneking and the incredible cast and crew for setting a loving, silly, welcoming tone each and every day. I'll miss playing this 3 part person and it is with a heart of gratitude that I say goodbye, bitches. #cecedrake#charlottedelaurentis #charles #ceceisa#ceceischarles #hn#cecehitalisonwitharock

@torreydevitto: The first time we ever met Melissa Hastings. Can't believe it was 7 years ago and I can't believe tonight we all say goodbye to PLL for good. What a ride, what a journey. It's been an honor to be a part of this show! Hope you all get the answers you were looking for .... 😈 #pll

@torreydevitto: Baby Hastings. 💕I'll never forget incredible bits of the conversation from this night ... 💓 #Repost@ianmharding

@torreydevitto: And I finally got to wear the black hoodie. It wouldn't have felt right to end Melissa without a black hoodie appearance even if it wasn't...really... her... But in all seriousness , thank you to this woman @imarleneking . What you have created marvels me. You are a force to be reckoned with and I am grateful you chose me to fill Melissa Hastings shoes. And thank you to all the wonderful PLL fans who have loved to hate and be completely confused by Melissa's motives since day one. Hope you're all satisfied ! I know I am 😜

@julianmorris: #pll #vsc

@julianmorris: So proud of this one. ❤️ since day one.

@drewvanacker: not in the finale, sorry, but love the #pll family forever

A post shared by Tammin Sursok (@tamminsursok) on Jun 27, 2017 at 10:16pm PDT

@tamminsursok: Goodbye Jenna. She is immortal my darlings.

@brantdaugherty: In honor of the #PLLseries finale tonight, here's an actual baby photo of me from my first episode as Noel Kahn. From party-throwing jock to headless murderer... You came a long way, Noel. 

@brendanrobinson: Tonight's the night!! Happy #PrettyLittleLiars Finale!! Thank you to all of our devoted fans for supporting us for 7 incredible seasons! Hope you guys enjoy tonight!! #PLL#pllendgame #pllforever #greatful#bestfans

@brendanrobinson: We #partied late into the night, #PLL style!! Love you guys to death @sashapieterse27 @huwcollins​ @theandreaparker @kylebown​ @empirepix @hudsonsheaffer27 #prettylittleliars #pllendgame #pllfamily #pllfinale

@huwcollins: It's not my pig, and it's not my farm, BUT it was my distinct privilege to be part of this crazy PLL ride. I am forever thankful to @imarleneking & @lisacochranpll for allowing me to bring the eponymous Rollins to life, I made great memories and even greater friends along the way, and encountered the most wonderful fans on the planet. Farewell PLL, you'll be missed. #prettylittleliars #pllendgame

@huwcollins: 😢❤️ #pll

@theandreaparker: Goodbyes are hard ...#PLLGameOver #PLL #PLLEndGame#MaryDrake #Spencer 💔

@theandreaparker: Fitting end to a fantastic night. I love my girls 💕#PLLGameOver

A post shared by Andrea Parker (@theandreaparker) on Jun 28, 2017 at 9:34pm PDT

@theandreaparker: My series wrap on#PLL...words cannot express what these girls, this show and all of you have meant to me - I love you ♥️💋🙌🏼#PLLFamilyForever #MaryDrake #MrsD

@niapeeples: Our girls are getting married!!@shaymitchell @sashapieterse27@theandreaparker #pllgameover #pll #emison

Behind The Scenes w/ Nia Peeples Part 1 | Part 2 

Lesley Fera’s Live Tweets

@lfera23: Oh, how I'm going to miss these wine-toting moms! @LauraLeighton@H_Combs #PLLGAmeOver

Lesley Fera’s Photoset

Laura Leighton’s Live Tweets 

@thehmc: It was a honor to watch all of these sweet girls grow into lovely ladies. I hope you guys enjoy the finale as much as we did making it. Thank you again to the undying fandom and all your ships. #pllendgame #pllmemorylane #pllfamily #pllgameover

@thehmc: Get ready. It's gonna be a wild ride. And I like everyone else am gonna miss this. #pllendgame #pllmemorylane #pllgameover

@H_Combs: This was like the 2nd and 3rd time we met ever. Clearly we had a tough time working together. It was rough I tell you. #PLL #PLLForever

@thehmc: Hopefully discussing the prenup. #ezriawedding #pllfinale

@thehmc: No caption needed. Just Lucy's face. @lucyhale #ezriawedding #pllfinale

Holly Marie Combs’ Photoset

@ichadlowe: Time to say goodbye! Thank you #pllArmy You are the best, most devoted fans ever! #PLLFinale

@ichadlowe: Behind the scenes of the #PLLFinale

@claireholt: My very first job in the USA 🙌. Loved working on this show. Congrats to the #PLL cast and crew on 7 A-mazing seasons (see what I did there?) 😉

@imarleneking: This was the most difficult scene to write/shoot in the finale. We are one sleep away from the end. #PLLfinale#pllmemorylane

@imarleneking: Thank you to our worldwide PLL family. We made it for7 years because of you! ❤❤

@imarleneking: It's hard to wrap my brain around the ending to this incredible journey we have taken together. PLL fans are truly the most passionate and loyal people in the world. #pllmemorylane#PLLfinale

@imarleneking: I cannot thank these beautiful souls enough for their camaraderie, ideas, dedication, passion, talent and kindness. This was the last day in our PLL Writer's Room. #Sadfaces #happypeople #prettylittleliars

Marlene’s Farewells

#pll gameover #pll farewell #pll finale #sasha pieterse #lucy hale #troian bellisario #ashley benson #shay mitchell #janel parrish #marlene king #nia peeples #laura leighton #lesley fera #andrea parker #holly marie combs #chad lowe #pll moms #huw collins #julian morris #torrey devitto #drew van acker #tammin sursok #brant daugherty #brendan robinson #vanessa ray #updated