#I won’t be able to cope if they’ve broken up

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

Some betrothed/royalty au doodles, ft. Reader soothing Eclipse during one of his stressed-to-the-point-of-breaking-down-moments, and the first time Reader met Sun (and, not realizing who he was or that he was a royal, decided to start happily chatting with him as if they were on the same level, which caught Sun off guard lmao)

Some betrothed/royalty AU tidbits n info below the cut!

- Reader is a footman! Or,, lady in waiting. Or foot,,person,,, in waiting. Whatever the gender neutral version is, they’re that to Eclipse!

- They’ve known Eclipse for a long time! They were born to a servant who worked in his castle, and tended to follow their mother around as she worked- occasionally crossing paths with Eclipse, and sometimes playing games with him when he was avoiding his tutoring or responsibilities sjdhdjd

- They’re smart and practical, and Eclipse wants to make them his advisor as soon as he has the jurisdiction to do so. They’re very good at seeing the issues politicians debate over from the outside view, one of the people, but also can keep in mind what the political side to an issues is, and Eclipse often asks them what they think when they’re alone and considers it very unfair that their voice would never be taken seriously if brought up at the table.

- Eclipse has had a crush on them for a while lmao

- Also he’s over protective and jealous and has broken at least one(1) bone in defending reader from a rude servant or pushy royal lol :3

- (he has extensively researched ways he could possibly marry Reader without making the entire kingdom hate them n call them a manipulative vex for it)

- Sun and Moon overlook two neighboring kingdoms and have been ‘betrothed’/co-ruling them for a long time! Eclipse’s counsel has decided it would be a good idea to have Eclipse, when he takes charge of his kingdom, be the third to this ally-ship and make a trifecta of three countries that can act as one

- So they’re not really BETROTHED betrothed, but the social implication is basically the same lmao

- (none of them r super thrilled, Eclipse especially lmaoooo)

- Reader first meets Sun separately from Moon, and assumes he’s just a fellow servinghand at the banquet being held to celebrate Eclipse n Sun n Moon meeting under the same roof for the first time

- They start chatting with him like it’s no big deal and he’s so used to ppl being all kiss-ass or backhanded that he can’t stop thinkin abt it for days

- They meet Moon in the garden! They show him their favorite spots and a small patch of blue violets they’ve been trying to cultivate

- When they realize who Sun and Moon are, they just about die on the spot from pure societal horror

- They try to apologize in a thousand different ways, but Sun n Moon, more than a little intrigued/smitten with them, both won’t have it and encourage them to be just as they were

- Before Sun n Moon realize they have feelings for Reader, they realize ECLIPSE has feelings for Reader, and, definitely not bc they r big jealous and also in love with Reader, make it their personal mission to cockblock make sure Eclipse never has the chance to confess or have an almost-kiss with Reader

- Reader loves Eclipse! When that love turned romantic is unsure, and how they’ve been able to cope is by Not Acknowledging The Feelings At All and also denial lmao. When they start to crush on Sun n Moon, they can’t rlly deny the feelings anymore and have several existential and romantic themed crises over it

- None of the boys tell each other about their feelings for Reader bc they all just messy like that <3

- When they all end up confessing to Reader, it’s separately and secretly, and Reader is so shocked that they just say “HHUH UM YYEA I LIKE U ALSO” without thinking

- So now they have three secret royalty bfs and have several more existential crises about whether this is cheating and how in the good golly fuck they got THIS many sweet mans all 🥺👉👈 over them

THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW LOL OK BYE SORRY FOR LENGTH N RAMBLES

#royal au #betrothed au #royal eclipse #royal sun #royal moon #fnaf au #fnaf sun x y/n #fnaf moon x y/n #fnaf eclipse x y/n #fnaf x reader #bones of a rabbit au #au rambles #fanfic ideas #gushing #rambling #idea rambles #royal x servant au #all four of them r dumbasses ur honor #silly fluff #bones of a rabbit #does this count as reverse harem #ANYWAY I HOPE THIS IS INTERESTING FOR YALL AT LEAST HH

[cmyknoise]

Posting the thing I wrote about an apology to c!Niki before the stream & adding to it because it still stands. (some of these are in future tense because it was written before the stream).

--

I do think c!Niki deserves an apology of some kind, but with confirmation that there are only two c!Wilbur streams left I think there are far more important strings left that need tied up.

c!Wilbur’s worst things he’d done to Niki is tied to November 16th and the fact that he left many, many people alone in the wake of his death. With Niki in particular it would’ve hurt much more because they’d spoken not long before and Wilbur had even left her with gifts.

HOWEVER; I think it would be awful to have Wilbur apologize for the hurt he caused after killing himself. It hurt people, it hurt them greatly, but apologizing for killing himself is not the way to go.

Not to mention that Niki was not the only one hurt by his death, but to cope she proceeded to blame all of her hurt and pain upon Wilbur and Tommy, and since she could not take it out on Wilbur, she took it out on Tommy in multiple attempts to kill him, when he’d done nothing to her to deserve it.

(Jack Manifold also attempted to kill Tommy, however his blame of Tommy was not misplaced anger from anyone else. His was a revenge act for Tommy taking a canon life during exile and his feelings of feeling abandoned by a friend. It is also in large parts unjustified, but Jack’s beef lied with Tommy. Niki’s lied with Wilbur).

An apology to Niki not only would be difficult to do as the hurt he caused was the aftermath of him taking his own life, but as we’ve seen with his reaction to Dream and the information of how he’d hurt Tommy over and over, if Wilbur were to find out what Niki had done there would likely be no apology at all, and if one did take place and Niki has yet to even remotely apologize to Tommy for what she’d done to him, it would end up leaving more lose ends than we’d begun with.

Niki has since moved on from her actions and the hurt from Wilbur. When Phil mentioned some people will not accept apologies and Wilbur will have to leave them alone, many have assumed this would be about Niki. If this is the case, I think it would be better to just leave her alone. An apology would not only be bringing up actions she’d moved on from up again

Additions after the Stream below vv

That didn’t go as horribly as it could’ve with their interaction (I was dreading a more combative interaction, luckily it was not), however the apology and conversation felt empty. It’s simply another case of c!Wilbur speaking and saying about 100 red flags and his so called friends or past friends just say “okay! i accept/don’t accept you’re apology! it was nice knowing you goodbye :)” 

which. it was no wonder only two people even bothered to try and stop him the first time he tried to blow himself up (quackity & tommy) but it’s. getting to a sort of ridiculous degree that people look at him with rose tinted glasses of apprehensiveness or nostalgia that they don’t see the red arrows pointing at him that say help. 

c!eret still thinks he’s the great leader he was in l’manburg and not a broken man who thinks he’s the cause of everyone’s problems and undeserving of life. 

c!tubbo and c!niki hesitantly forgive him for his past doings because they’ve moved on, they accept his apology because they’ve moved on, and do nothing more. 

wilbur thinks his death and even limbo being hellish is of his own fault. 

as funny as some moments were today, and as tragic as it was that another person died, i do think there’s once again another case of no one notices that he doesn’t plan to simply go on a road trip after these apologies. he’s saying goodbye in a way he knows (or assumes) he wont be alive to be able to see them again, because he thinks him being dead would be better. 

he’s even distancing himself from the only people who would notice these red flags, and by his own admition purposefully, and he won’t even get to say goodbye to the person who would care the most because he’s scared of causing pain. 

i feel like this stream was just. more and more red flags and i fear the outcome of the last stream as i hope on everything that wilbur stating months ago that his ending would be bittersweet but positive and stating that he knows how important the message his character holds means he’s not going to die. 

but unless that stream is an hour or more long i don’t know how this can all get wrapped up. 

i think today’s stream could’ve been done with someone like quackity or tommy or someone who would set in motion being suspicious of his wording rather than accepting the goodbye and leaving. 

#dsmp #dream smp #fandom critical #c!niki crit #<- idk if this applies but just in case #wilbur soot #lemon's stuff

[vukiex]

dear void.

(empty bed — cavetown).

i’m so close. i’m so close to getting out and getting it together and being the person i always wanted to be, i’m so close to putting all the jagged, broken puzzle pieces together.

but i’m shoving things into an overnight bag and leaving at midnight, and you know it’s getting bad when i need jessie again. i know that everything passes, and that nothing lasts forever and that goes for moods and feelings and emotions too — but it doesn’t make those episodes feel any better or fade any faster. it’s hard to remember that it all passes when you’re staring at all the laundry you haven’t done in weeks, or when you’re talking to your father only to realize he didn’t even notice you were standing there in the first place. it’s hard to process that your earliest memories consist of screaming and fighting and cigarette smoke and the smell of whiskey. it’s hard to think that it gets any better even as you’re falling asleep next to the person you’re trying to stay alive for.

it’s hard being so close to the end goal yet feeling so far away from it. my mood swings are the worst they’ve ever been, and the newfound rapid explosive anger i’ve come to have is so suffocating for everyone involved. all the progress i made with healthy coping mechanisms and personal hygiene even on my bad days, the communication fixes and so on, it’s all down the drain. i’m a stranger to the house that i’ve lived in for nearly 14 years now. nothing has order or process or routine, i can’t find familiarity in anything or anyone, i’m not even really sure what i act or think like as my own person anymore because i’ve been mirroring and masking for so long that i feel like a blank slate until i pick up on someone else’s script.

the only places i’ve found peace in the last week are the men’s bathroom floor of a west bloomfield dominoes and the freeway in kentucky as the truck wheels were hitting the rumble strips because for a split second i thought that it might finally be over. i’m embarrassed to admit how many times i’ve had to remind myself that healthy minds don’t go to that place this month alone. despite everything, i still can’t even convince myself that something is actually wrong, that there’s reason for all my whining and quiet decomposing in the corner of my room.

i can’t keep doing this. and i know that i am so close to getting out and getting it together and being the person i always wanted to be, i’m so close to putting all the jagged, broken puzzle pieces together. but i’m starting to feel like i’m missing pieces, and i’ve never finished a puzzle after realizing that i won’t be able to. i’m close. but i don’t know if i’m close enough.

—smt.

#smt

[imkylotrash]

Searching For Calm

Pairing: Sky x Stella. Sky x reader. 

Request: Maybe you could write a Sky one where reader is always there for him and he just sees Stella. So the reader (mind fairy) shuts herself out and it takes some time for him to notice. Anonymous

A/N Ignore the text on the gif. I couldn’t find one I liked for this fic. 

“Are we still on for tonight?” you ask knowing what’s coming but hoping you’re wrong. Sky doesn’t notice your face fall when he shakes his head.

“Sorry, I promised Stella she could come over. She had a rough day.” You want to scream at him that every day is hard for you. Every day you wake up and feel every emotion that runs through Alfea. Happy, sad, lonely, scared. Some days you can’t even figure out which feelings are your own. You want to confess how the only calm you ever feel is when you’re with Sky, but it doesn’t matter. He only has eyes for Stella. 

“Yeah, no problem. Talk tomorrow then?” He never has the chance to answer. Stella sits down on his lap stealing away the short time you and Sky had alone. You literally feel her dislike as she turns slightly your way. 

“Oh, I didn’t see you there.”

“Yeah. There’s a lot of things you didn’t notice,” you mumble hinting at the five empty chairs around the table but they’re already to consumed by each other to pay any more attention to you. 

“Bye, Sky.” There’s no reply, but you didn’t expect one. It’s been 2 months like this ever since Stella decided that Sky was good enough for her despite her dumping him over the summer to spend time with other boys. A fact they’ve both decided to ignore. You put on headphones hoping it might help you drown out everyone’s emotions. You know Farah told you to focus on shutting other people’s emotions out, to only feel them when you want to. But lately, you haven’t been able to focus and you have a suspicion it might be related to the way Sky’s been treating you. 

“They’re locking tongues again. It’s getting disgusting.” Riven appears next to you with a sour look on his face. The one person who just might hate the relationship more than you. 

“I know. He cancelled on me again.” 

“He’s treating you like trash.” You sense his anger more than you see it. You’ve been a trio since you were young and Stella has gone ahead and ruined that. She dislikes you and Riven and for some reason Sky always chooses her. You guess love really does blind people. 

“He treats you like trash too,” you counter not ready to face the truth yet. 

“Yeah, but most of the time I deserve it. You, however, doesn’t ever deserve it.” He’s radiating affection as he looks at you. He’s well aware of your crush on Sky and he’s made his feelings clear on more than several occasions that you deserve someone who actually cares. He’s like your big brother, always looking out for you. 

“I was thinking I might just take some time to myself. See if he misses me.” It’s a very cruel game that you’ll be playing with yourself because you know he won’t notice. Not as long as he’s dating Stella. Riven puts his arm around you as you walk down the hallway. 

“I think that’s the smartest thing you’ve said in months.” You nudge him lightly but regrettably have to agree with him. In the next couple of weeks, you stay away from Sky. And even though you already knew his reaction, it still feels like someone is pulling at your heartstrings when you see him being just fine. It’s like he doesn’t even realise that you’re not around. Riven tries his hardest to cheer you up, but now that you’re without any comfort from your powers, you feel the toll much more than before. You start sleeping in Riven’s bed whenever Sky stays over at Stella’s. There’s nothing more than friendly comfort in it. Slowly, Riven becomes your escape from everyone else and it feels so good. You know you shouldn’t depend on others to help you cope with your feelings but it’s all you can do right now. Tonight is one of those nights where Riven has the room to himself. Or at least that’s what he’s been told by Sky but for some reason he stumbles through the door in the middle of the night. 

“Y/N?” He sees you first. There’s no missing the feeling of betrayal going through him. You know exactly what he’s thinking. Riven? Really? It’s all over his face and you hate it. You hate that he gets to judge you when he hasn’t talked to you in weeks. 

“I thought you were going to be with Stella tonight?” Riven starts to stir next to you.

“We got into a fight. What are you doing here?” 

“I’m sleeping.” You know you should tell him that there’s nothing between you and Riven but there’s a small, petty part of you that really likes how he feels right now. 

“Yeah, but with Riven? Are you dating or something?” He’s trying to act unbothered but you’re both painfully aware of your ability to feel everything he feels. 

“That’s none of your business, man.” Cue Riven who’s ready to provoke Sky. He’s been upset with him for a while and with the way Sky is acting right now, Riven can’t help himself. This is going to end in a fight if you don’t get it under control. 

“I can’t sleep alone, okay? I haven’t been able to for a while. Riven calms me.” You thought you were defusing the situation but somehow your comment just makes everything much worse.  

“He calms you? So I’m not good enough anymore?” His voice almost breaks and in turn something breaks inside of you. He doesn’t get to be the one with the broken heart. He let you go and forgot you even existed. He spent the last four weeks in Stella-land and now that they’ve had a fight, suddenly you’re good enough. You’re about to tell him off but Riven beats you to it. 

“You haven’t been here! She’s been going through shit and you’ve been so caught up with yourself that you didn’t even notice that you guys haven’t talked for weeks. If anything you should be thankful, I’ve been here!” The situation is escalating much faster than you thought possible. They both radiate feelings overwhelming you. It’s difficult to keep track of which feelings belong to who. 

“He’s right, Sky. Ever since you and Stella got back together, all you’ve seen is her. You cancelled all of our plans and completely cut me out.” You want to cry or hit Sky right in the face and you’re not sure which feeling is your own right now. Instead of doing either of those you get up and run away from the situation entirely. They both call after you but you just need to find a quiet place away from people’s feelings. You run outside and down the field. There’s a tree at the very back that you’ve crawled up more times than you remember. It’s always been your safe spot whenever you needed to get away. You’re hoping that Sky doesn’t remember it and after an hour alone you start to feel safe. But then you feel it - or more precisely him. There’s no doubt in your mind that he’s coming right at you.

“Y/N, I’m coming up.” You want to scream at him to go away but suddenly you’ve gone mute. 

“I’m so sorry. I’ve been a dick.” You don’t argue with that statement. He really has been a dick.

“Riven really set me straight after you left. And when he started pointing it out, I realised that I haven’t been myself. I’ve been distant and cold, I’ve taken you for granted,” he says and you feel his regret just as much as you see it on his face. 

“I never meant to do that. I got so caught up in Stella’s web and because of that I hurt the person who means the most to me.” 

“You took away my calm,” you mumble blinded by tears. It sounds so childish saying out loud but he was the one person who could make you feel normal. His energy cancelled out everyone else’s. You look over at him blinking several times before being able to focus on his face. 

“I’m really sorry.” He takes your hands in his and you let him. It’s that heart of yours that’s betraying you. It always beats a little faster when he looks at you. 

“I can’t do this again. I can’t keep losing you over and over again,” you admit dangerously close to just owning up to your feelings. How he takes your breath away just walking towards you, how he makes you smile even at your worst moments, how he makes your palms sweat whenever he’s near. You want to admit it all because you’re so tired of having to hide your own feelings when everyone else can have their feelings heard. 

“You won’t have to. I ended things with Stella before I came out here. When I saw you with Riven,” he pauses to take a deep breath, ”I felt my heart crack. I hated the idea of seeing you with anyone else.” You stop breathing. For once, you use your powers to reach out and feel his fully. You feel like screaming when you notice the very feeling you’ve been consumed by yourself. 

“Did you just-”

“No!” You say it too quickly. He knows what you did but he doesn’t seem to mind it. He smiles as he takes your hand. 

“I know this is really poor timing and I hate how much it took for me to realise that what I feel for you is way beyond how I should feel for a friend. But if there’s even a small part of you that cares for me like that, I’d really like a second chance.” You’re pretty sure you’re dreaming because there’s no way you went from being ignored by him to have him confess his feelings for you. It doesn’t change how fast your heart is beating in your chest or the blush creeping onto your cheeks. 

“You just got out of a relationship, Sky.” Even though your heart is all for jumping into his arms and riding off into the sunset, the logical part of your brain can’t help but recall how he was in a relationship up until an hour ago. 

“I’m too late, aren’t I?” 

“I really like you, but I also feel like I don’t know you anymore. I look at you and see the face of my best friend, but I also see a stranger.” You don’t know how to explain it properly but somehow Sky gets it. 

“How about we start out easy? Get to know each other again.” He cups your cheek as he looks into your eyes. He opens his mind to let you know that he truly means everything he’s said. You can feel his feelings yelling to be heard. 

“I’d like that.” 

#winx saga #fate the winx saga #fate winx club #sky x reader #sky blurb #sky imagine #sky gif #danny griffin #sky

[morganaspendragonss]

reckless but honest words

However much TK had thought he’d grown used to his parents’ shit, he’s far from prepared for the next words that come out of his dad’s mouth.

“We’re - that is to say, your mom - well… We’re having a baby.”

ao3 | 2.3k | title from anger by sleeping at last

TK narrows his eyes as he walks into his parents’ house, the trepidation that’s been building throughout the day coming to a peak as he spots them waiting for him on the couch. His dad had texted earlier, specifically requesting he come home tonight instead of going to Carlos’s, and while TK hadn’t exactly had any objections, it had given him a bad feeling.

His suspicions are instantly confirmed when he sees his parents’ unnatural postures, the way they’re smiling at him just a bit too widely. He walks in cautiously, feeling weirdly like he’s heading into a trap, though there’s nothing in the room that would outwardly suggest so.

Just his mom and dad, and how they keep looking between him and each other, like they’re in on some sort of joke that TK’s the butt of. 

“What’s going on?” he asks, easing himself into an armchair. They share another glance - giggling, for god’s sake - and clasp hands.

“TK,” his dad starts. “Your mom and I… We’ve got some news.”

TK eyes them warily, his mind instantly flashing to the possibility that his dad’s cancer is back. He dismisses the thought almost immediately - they’re far too happy for it to be that - but he also can’t think of what else it could be. Maybe his mom is moving in permanently? Which… TK wouldn’t be opposed, but he’s not sure how much longer he can cope with their bickering, and he’s barely here half the time.

“Do you want to tell him?” his dad asks, but she shakes her head and waves her hand towards him.

“Go ahead.”

And however much TK had thought he’d grown used to his parents’ shit, he’s far from prepared for the next words that come out of his dad’s mouth.

“We’re - that is to say, your mom - well… We’re having a baby.”

They grin at him, waiting expectantly for…congratulations, TK guesses? A hysterical laugh bubbles up in his chest, and he’s barely able to push it down, clamping his jaw firmly shut until he feels like he’s in control again.

“You… You’re serious,” he says eventually.

“Well, it’s hardly the sort of thing you joke about,” his dad says, laughing a little. His mom swats at him, but they’re both still smiling, both still acting like this isn’t incredibly fucked up.

“How long have you known?”

“A while,” his mom admits. “We weren’t going to keep it, but then we thought about it and we realised that we both want a child. Another one.”

TK barely notices her hastily added-on amendment. He gets what she means - he’s not a child, and hasn’t been in many years. He’s more stuck on the fact that they’re choosing to bring another child into this pressure cooker of a household, and not seeing anything wrong with that.

Even when he’d been a kid, TK had felt like he was being pulled in every direction, constantly caught in the middle of their arguments. The feeling’s eased now he’s an adult, but only because he knows he has places to escape to when it all becomes too much. He hadn’t had that growing up, and this new kid won’t have it either. 

Maybe he’s being too unfair on them; maybe they can pull it together after all. But, having borne witness to their behaviour these past few months, TK kind of doubts it. Knowing them, they’ll have decided to keep the kid by way of an argument.

And TK knows it’s far from his decision to make, but he can’t help but question them. “Are you sure you’ve thought this through?” he asks. 

Their faces drop, smiles faltering as they look at each other, seemingly having a wordless conversation. His dad nods encouragingly, and his mom turns back to him, reaching across the gap between them to take TK’s hands in her own.

“Honey…” she sighs. “We know the risks, alright? Lord knows we’ve both done enough googling. But I’m healthy, and I know what I need to do to make this pregnancy as safe as possible, and we truly believe we can beat the odds. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

She smiles hesitantly, and TK just gapes, not quite understanding how she’s managed to miss the point this badly.

“That’s not what I… Wow.” He presses his lips together in a firm line, standing up abruptly and dropping his mom’s hands. “Okay.”

He shakes his head and turns to go, but he’s stopped when they also rise, effectively blocking his path.

“Where are you going?” his mom asks, frowning in confusion.

TK feels a twinge of guilt, but he pushes it away. “Carlos’s.”

“Now, hold on a minute there, son,” his dad says. “I thought you could stay here tonight, we could have a meal as a family for once. You’re barely here these days.”

“Wonder why,” he mutters, though clearly not quietly enough judging by the way his dad flinches. TK can’t bring himself to care. “I’m going,” he says, louder this time. “I’ll see you at work.”

He squeezes past them, and makes it to the door before he’s stopped again.

“I thought you’d be happy for us.”

TK freezes, hand on the doorknob. “I am,” he lies through gritted teeth, and he doesn’t need to look to see the disappointment written all over his dad’s face. “Congrats.”

He’s gone before they can get another word in, just barely refraining from slamming the door behind him. His skin itches, his whole body jittery and on edge, and TK briefly laments the fact that he’s in no way dressed for running. He has clothes inside that he could change into, but there’s no way he’s going back in there now. He’ll just have to stick it out until he can get to Carlos’s.

Getting into his car, TK has to resist the urge to hit the steering wheel. But he doesn’t trust his parents enough to think that they aren’t watching him from the window, so he simply starts the ignition, driving away without a backward glance.

*

Carlos is surprised when he walks in, pausing his meal with the fork halfway to his mouth.

“TK,” he says, frowning. “I thought you were staying with your parents tonight.”

“Me too.” TK scowls, tossing his keys into the bowl and making a beeline for the bedroom. He feels bad for ignoring Carlos like that, but he’s worried that if he stops to think, he’ll snap, and Carlos doesn’t deserve that.

Carlos must follow him up the stairs anyway, as when TK looks up from yanking his spare running clothes out of the drawers, he’s standing in the doorway, the picture of concern. He sighs, sitting back on his heels, taking a moment to collect himself.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I just… They asked me over because they had some news, and it sort of threw me. I needed to get out of there.”

Carlos nods in understanding. “Is it your dad? Was there a problem with the cancer, or something?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“That’s good, right?” Carlos is looking at him with those wide, worried eyes of his, and TK feels a little bit of his anger drain away at the sight.

“That part is, yeah,” he allows. “I’m not sure the same can be said for the rest.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

TK hesitates, then rises from the floor, shaking his head. “I will, later,” he promises, “but right now I just need to be alone.”

He quickly changes and grabs his headphones from the night stand, though he stops in his tracks when he catches sight of Carlos’s pained expression.

“Hey,” he says, crossing the room and cupping Carlos’s face in one hand. “I’m not shutting you out, I swear. I need air and some time to think, that’s all. Promise I won’t do anything stupid.”

He smiles and holds his pinky out, and Carlos huffs a brief laugh. He links their pinkies and meets TK’s eyes, searching his face. “I’m holding you to that, Strand.”

TK presses a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

*

He doesn’t know how long he runs for, but by the time he gets back he’s winded, and his thoughts are no less scrambled. The lights in the living room are off when TK walks in, but he can see a soft glow coming from upstairs that lets him know that Carlos is still awake. He’s sitting up in bed, reading, when TK manages to drag himself to the bedroom, having already showered and changed. He holds an arm out in invitation, and TK goes gratefully into the embrace, leaning his head on Carlos’s shoulder.

Carlos absent-mindedly traces circles on TK’s arm with his thumb, a silent comfort that TK relishes in.

“My mom’s pregnant,” he says eventually.

Carlos freezes. “Oh. That’s… Wow.”

TK chuckles humourlessly. “I know.” He sighs. “I feel like I shouldn’t be mad, but I can’t help it. I mean, I knew something was up, they’ve both been acting cagey for ages, but I just… I never thought it would be this.”

“I think you’ll be forgiven for not expecting it,” Carlos comments drily. 

TK hums, fiddling with the sheets. “It’s not just that, though. I’m pissed that they didn’t tell me, sure, but I’m less mad for me, and more for this kid. I know what it’s like to grow up with them, and you’ve seen how terrible the past few months have been. I can’t believe they’re seriously going to put another kid through it all.”

“Maybe they’ll work things out,” Carlos suggests, though even he sounds doubtful.

“I want to believe that. But…”

“But?”

“I don’t think they even noticed it,” he confesses, voice quiet. “I was so alone as a kid, but Mom had her firm and Dad had the firehouse, and I was just...there. I know they loved me, but that doesn’t mean they were great parents, and I don’t think they realise even half of what they did. They’re having this baby because they want the good times back, and they’re forgetting just how many bad times there were.”

Carlos squeezes his shoulders. “Shit, Ty-”

“You know it’s part of the reason I became a firefighter?” TK asks. He should probably feel guilty for interrupting, but it’s like some dam has broken inside of him and it’s all coming spilling out whether he wants it to or not. “I’d see my dad with his crew - with this family he’d built at the firehouse - and I just… I wanted in. I wanted my family back, but I couldn’t have that so I settled for inserting myself into his.

“It sort of worked, I guess. We were close. But he’s never been a father to me, exactly, not in the way I needed. I’m okay with it now, but I’m worried the same is going to happen all over again.”

Carlos waits, but TK’s done this time, gritting his teeth against the emotion welling up in him 

“Have you spoken to your dad about any of this?” Carlos asks.

TK scoffs. “I tried. Remember my identity crisis after I got shot? I went to him and told him, but he just turned it on me and started talking about 9/11 again. It’s like, I know how bad it was. I know his whole house was killed, and I know how badly that hurt him. But I was seven, and I lived through it too. It’s not the same, I get that, but I did. I think he forgets that sometimes.”

He groans, slumping down further into the bed - and, by extension, into Carlos. “I sound like a dick, don’t I?”

Carlos is silent for a long time, and when TK looks up at him, he’s worrying his bottom lip, brows creased in a frown. 

“I think…” he starts slowly, turning his head to meet TK’s eyes. “I think you’re being perfectly reasonable. Everything you just said… I can’t even imagine, Ty.”

TK stares at him, startled by how firm, how fervent Carlos’s voice is. There’s anger there, too, and it’s strangely comforting to know he’s not alone in his frustrations. Even so, TK feels the need to reassure him.

“Hey,” he murmurs, lightly touching Carlos’s arm. “You know I’m okay, right? I’m over all that.”

Carlos sends him a doubtful look.

“Mostly,” he amends. “Besides, I have you now, and the team. I’m not the one who needs to be worried about.”

“I’ll always worry about you,” Carlos says, but he sighs, relenting. “You should talk to your parents, though. They need to know how you’re feeling, especially if they’re going through with this.”

TK shrugs non-commitantly. “Yeah, maybe. Not like they’ll listen to me.”

Carlos sighs. “TK -”

“Can we not talk about this anymore?” TK interrupts, turning pleading eyes on his boyfriend. He’s tired of thinking about his parents, and he feels more than a little guilty for taking over their evening complaining about them, like he’s done far too many times before. He points to the book lying abandoned at Carlos’s side. “Tell me about that?”

Carlos sends him a look, emphatically letting TK know that he’s not going to let him push this away, but he does eventually pick up the book. “I don’t think it’s something you’ll like,” he warns.

“You like it,” TK says. “That’s enough for me.”

The brilliant smile Carlos sends him is almost enough to make him forget everything else that happened tonight. And when he starts talking, TK closes his eyes and lets Carlos’s beautiful voice wash over him, chasing any other thoughts from his head.

It’s peace, of a kind.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #tarlos #tarlos fic #lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #owen strand #gwyneth morgan #tk x carlos #fanfiction #my fanfiction #writing #my writing #tuserjamie #tuserpaige #userjillian #userkimmy #reyeslonestartag #tuserjenny #yes this is just a 2.3k vent fic why do you ask

[kaebedom-me]

Kaeya and childe with a hurt s/o v soff omg- like imagine they’re really hurt or smth and they’re like landhrjsntjjajfnt idk they’re soff ok 😭✋

Ok but I'm big sucker of the getting hurt trope 🥺🥺 hurt/comfort

i like to think you were beaten up p badly from trying to fight a stonehide or frostarm lawachurls because those things kill me every time (but it plays out the same regardless of the enemies)

the moment Childe see’s you bloodied up or flung across the field from one of its attack he goes ape shit

Kaeya sprints to your side, drops everything to see how badly injured you are

feeds you healing potions as sort of an instant relief? at least to stop your bleeding and keep you awake

but if you’re passed out by the time you hit the ground then he’ll just stay by your side and makes sure you don’t take any more damage/ you keep breathing 

devastated, they’re so worried about you 

immediately teleports to the nearest healers they know 

For the most part, you're fine after the healing but you don't wake up immediately

The healers tell them it's normal cuz you lost a lot of blood and your body just needs to rest for a week or a little more

They're so worried, they barely leave your bedside the entire time you're there

Blames themselves for not being able to protect you and they're just very sad the entire time

Kaeya's usually pretty level headed but if someone he cares about is hurt he starts neglecting himself a little bit trying to nurse them back to health

He'll stay beside you all the time and Childe often has to remind him to eat

Childe he's worried too and he think he'd be like Kaeya too, but since Kaeya's barely eating and taking care of himself he has to step up umu

They probably get into tiny arguments a lot? It's not like they need you to peacekeep or anything, Kaeya's just on edge so he ticks a little bit easier

Childe too but he wants to care for Kaeya and you and the least he could do right now is make sure Kaeya doesn't fall sick so he backs down from a lot of the arguments

Apart from their arguments they don't talk, again it's not like they need you to be there for them to talk its just they have a lot on their minds

Childe doesn't take his emotions out onto his loved ones and he picks a lot of his battles so to release stress he goes off on rampages whenever Kaeya's fed and bathed

I don't see him taking it out on his subordinates? Like he's more snappy and agitated but he won't outright yell at them

The only time Kaeya isn't around you is when his thoughts are eating him alive, where he's anxious you won't wake again or that he's useless he couldn't even do something as easy as protecting you

So he drowns himself in his work until he either finishes them or his thoughts get so bad he has to leave for fresh air

He doesn't drink now because he still wants to be able to take care of you? Like he can't do that if he's drunk

I think they'll eventually find themselves again? After one of Childe's many rampages he comes home to find Kaeya outside staring blankly at the pavements

I just think when their eyes meet they a lil bit to realise they're a hot mess

And Childe hesitates right because Kaeya's been out of it for awhile now and he doesn't want to do anything to make him more shaken up but he knows Kaeya knows he was out trying to cope to

And i just- Kaeya opens his arms to ask for a hug, and he looks so sad and broken but also so glad that he has Childe

So Childe ungracefully stumbles into Kaeya's arms

Shut up I'm in my feels I'M IN MY FEELS

They get it together from there umu takes care of themselves a little more

And when you wake up after they're so fucking happy

You're a lil groggy and everything's kinda numb but you're so happy to see them too

They scold you sm HAHAHA no mercy yeah you just woke up from a coma but holy shit dude you need to be more careful next time

You're just glad you're awake with them by your side and you bring them in for a hug

They promise to look after you more so something like this doesn't happen again and they make you promise to run or dodge next time tf be careful

Nursing you back to health would be the easier part uwu

They'll probably take turns take care of you though? They've got work and stuff too and they've already p much neglected a lot of their work while you were out

Lots of snuggles while you're in bed because they're scared you'll leave them like that again

A lot of kisses too and lots of i love yous too just to make sure you know that they love you a whole lot

Makes you say it back too HAHAH because they haven't heard you haven't said it to them in a while uwu

You'll have to reassure them a lot too it honestly feel a little bit like you're taking care of them at some point

Like sometimes Childe would just lie next to you for hours on end just holding you

Or Kaeya just sitting next to you and looking at you and absent-mindedly playing with your fingers?

And you have to tell the them you want to eat cuz you're hungry before they're like oh right

They're a bit reluctant to leave for awhile tho HAHA they're just scared when they come back you'll be asleep again? So you have to reassure them you're ok

Or threaten them that you'll sit in the kitchen w them

But lots of cute indoor dates to keep you entertained!

Maybe making a cute lil fort where you three can just vibe? Or them making you dinner and you sitting around to watch or help with easy preparations

Them slow dancing with you in their arms just a soft good time ya know

When you gain your strength back they're more protective of you when you guys go adventuring again

It can be a little over bearing so you have to tell them to back off and you'll be more careful stuff like that

But oml they're so happy to take you out for dates again! Scouts the place for monsters first tho before bringing you to like a picnic

Cuz they know you've neen cooped up for awhile so they want you to be able to soak up the outdoors

#Im DO NE WITH MY ESSAY #I'm so hAPPY #Watch me play genshin for an unhealthy amount of time #Also this request? Cute i lovEd #Childe #childe x reader #kaeya #kaeya x reader #childe x reader x kaeya #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact x reader #shanna writes

[whump-town]

In With The New, Out With The Old

Hotch packing Jack up for college

None of it feels real.

For two years after he and Haley divorced he lived in an apartment of boxes. It was some sort of punishment he created for himself while also creating a dissonance he could be lost in -- that he didn’t need to unpack just in case. He had his suits in the closet, his work would not take the fall for his personal life’s failings. The coffee maker sat on the counter, one of the only appliances hooked into a light socket. The necessities followed -- two mugs for coffee, a glass tumbler for the whiskey sitting on the counter, and one plate for when he ordered take-out he couldn’t just eat out of the box.

It had taken him months to buy a mattress, he was perfectly miserable sleeping on the couch. He had only taken Jack to the apartment once, needing to switch into more park-appropriate clothing. Between them, he and Haley agreed that the best thing for Jack was consistency so he would spend all day with Hotch but he would always go home to Haley. He knew this could be used against him in court, Haley could take Jack from his so easily it terrified him but he also knew he’d let her. He was more powerful, he had more strings to pull and more people on his side but the thought of getting on the stand and having his friends call her a bad mother made him feel even worse. So he knew that if it came down to it, he would let Haley have Jack rather put either of them that sort of grueling case.

This was a shared thought between them. Both are aware of the other’s power over the other. Neither will act on their own.

He had only bought a mattress because of New York. Limping home he’d sunk down into his old faithful couch only to wake up the next morning with achingly stiff sutures in his leg and his face stuck to a throw pillow, the blood drying like glue. He had to call Emily and Derek that afternoon. Unable to drive himself with his concussion and consequential blurred vision Emily had come over to pick him up, never said a word about what he’d been sleeping on in the months before. Neither did Derek when Hotch got too dizzy coming up the stairs, the stitches in his leg bleeding through his jeans and so pale Emily had to hold him upright to get him to the bench in the lobby. He was left there, listening to Derek and Emily bicker their way into forcing the mattress into the apartment through the pounding sound of blood rushing in his ears.

That was years ago and yet they’ve created its mirror image once again in his living room.

All of Jack’s belongings in boxes spread out in every room of the house. Packing up to leave.

“Art?” Emily mumbles disapprovingly. She’s knelt down in front of Jack’s bookshelf, dismantling the organized shelves to pack them into boxes. It’s a different method than the one that Hotch uses. Jack has them categorized by author and general theme and as Emily takes down all the books she’s gotten him about cults and psychology and crime she can’t help but feel a little cheated. Jack knows all about crime. He’s had Macdonald’s Triad memorized since he was five -- could give that method of thought its critical analysis as not a precursor to antisocial or serial killer behavior but more as a demonstration of a child’s poor coping skills or as the indicator of a dysfunctional home environment. He’s a well of information about cults, knows the “B.I.T.E.” system.

And he’s throwing all that away because Hotch took him to too many museums as a child?

Jack doesn’t say anything when he hears her grumble about art again, he’s had this conversation so many times. He knows she’s not really mad and she’s not even that irked but she needs to do something with the feelings she has about him leaving and this is just the best way she’s come up with. Better than crying -- which she’s also done far too much of.

“I think art is a great idea, kid.” Derek teases his hair as he passes, sweaty and hot from dragging Jack’s belongings around the place.

Hotch works slowly where he’s been assigned. They all work around him. He’s more freelance than the others. His job is to do what he can and leave the rest for someone else. Today his physical capabilities are not in the way. Derek does all the heavy lifting that Hotch knows is supposed to be assigned to him, it’s his duty as the father of the freshman moving away. He finds himself in the living room, one of Haley’s old photo albums on his lap. Thumbing pictures he can remember going with Haley to print. Pictures he can remember being in. Ones that he took.

He’s crying again.

Emily comes out with a box of books on her hip, having figured out the perfect ratio of books to box to prevent them from falling out the bottom. She sees Hotch wiping his face with a tissue, hiding away but unable to fully pull away right now. The hurt raw. The fear is too much.

The second that Hotch got the chance he left home and never came back. Over the years he returned to his hometown only when he had to -- when Haley’s parents couldn’t be convinced to come to see them. It didn’t matter how down bad he was, Hotch did it on his own. When his mother died when he was thirty he’d talked to her only once since moving out. Then it had only been for the benefit of Sean, who he had driven all the back to Virginia to collect and drove to college.

He fears Jack will do the same and it terrifies him in so many ways.

His own death will come quickly, he knows he’s only made it this long because he’s not alone. Without Jack, there’s no reason to keep going on, not with the way his body aches from years of abuse and neglect. More than that, he knows what growing up that fast did to him. As a child, the things that happen to you are out of your control. Children are sponges, not yet able to take control and mold themselves. So their reactions to abuse and neglect and even just trivial everyday things are but a reaction they are taught to form or never corrected on. But Hotch never corrected his behaviors as a young adult. He couldn’t bring himself to trust anyone, not at twenty, or thirty, and still at forty.

He spent his twentieth birthday on the side of the highway in a broken down car freezing his ass off with negative twenty-three cents in his bank account. No one to call because he couldn’t bring himself to believe anyone would come -- but Haley would have, or Jessica, or the sociology professor who gave him his number for emergencies or “just anything you can think of, just in case you need me”.

He doesn’t wish anything like that on Jack.

The cycle of self-destruction and fear and loathing.

But Jack knows how to form healthy relationships with people. He’s more worried about Hotch.

The car ride is nearly silent.

Jack cranks his window down and lays his head on the seal, lets the wind blow his hair back from his skin, and closes his eyes. There’s no air conditioning but it’s not that bad. The air has cooled off, the thunderstorms taking over the area sucking the humidity from the air as the wind picks up. It’ll get bad again in a day or so but today is nice and Jack wants to enjoy it. To sit contently with his dad and just try to soak it in before he’s thrown into the world of college.

Emily had promised him several times she’d make sure that Hotch didn’t turn himself into a hermit. Jack has grown up watching those two spar off so he knows she’s perfectly capable of getting Hotch out of the house. More than that, Jack knows he’s just going to miss his dad.

“Please--” Jack’s in the middle of trying to reorganize his stuff when he sees Hotch come in with one of the big boxes, one of the heavy ones. “Dad!” Jack takes it from him, not listening to Hotch’s complaint about being able to carry a few boxes. That he won’t break that easily. “Please, just leave the heavy stuff to Emily and Derek. Help me put my clothes away? Please?”

He nearly cries again folding Jack’s t-shirts away. Once upon a time, Jack’s shirts were about the size of his hand. Tiny delicate little things about the size of rags. Now he’s wearing the same size as Hotch, a grown man standing there racing to beat Emily to the heavy stuff because he doesn’t want her lifting it all either.

“Well,” Derek announces, setting the minifridge down, “that’s the last of it.”

Emily offers Hotch her hand and he takes it, grunting as he moves his body back upright.

“Well,” he declares, looking around the room. “We’ll leave you to it. Let you get everything sorted out how you like.” Hotch smiles and Emily and Derek step in to take their hugs, imparting half-wise ideas and a no-questions-asked ride home from anywhere.

“I love you,” Hotch says, he’s quick because he knows he can’t keep his composure if he stays here for too much longer. “I’ll send you care packages, you’ll just have to text me if you think of something I don’t send.”

Jack nods, pretending to make himself busy putting away the rest of his clothes. Trying to downplay his own feelings.

“Ok.”

Hotch nods and they leave, he doesn’t want to make a scene. They’ve hugged and Jack needs to unpack. He’s done. He’s only two doors away when he hears Jack’s door gets thrown open.

“Dad!” Hotch turns and stumbles, an armful of the little boy who was once the size of his forearm. He squeezes Jack tight, laughing through his tears when Jack holds on. “I love you too.”

Hotch holds him for a solid minute, just balanced there with his hand on the back of Jack’s head. “Alright,” he whispers. He sniffles a little, smiling as he cups Jack’s cheek wiping away a tear with his thumb. “I’m just a phone call away, okay? Any time of the night, you know where I am. You’ll be fine. You’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to fail tests and cry over boys and drink too much but you’ll be okay. And-- And if you’re not…”

Jack nods, smiling as he says, “I’ll call Emily.”

Hotch smirks, “well.. After a certain hour, yeah I suppose you’ll have to but yeah. Just call, okay?”

“I’ll call.”

Hotch nods and he has to force himself to let go and walk away. To let Jack do this.

They’re halfway down the hall, far enough away now that Jack won’t see or hear when Hotch starts to cry. He forces himself to keep going. Not to look back. Emily takes his hand, squeezes his fingers and he looks over at her tears in his eyes, and tries to smile.

Emily drives his truck home, she plans on feeding him chocolate and ice cream, and wine this afternoon to improve his mood. He gets a text and he smirks, he actually laughs.

“Let me know when you get home, old man. Tell Emily not to keep you out too late.”

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #jack hotchner #emily prentiss #derek morgan #criminal minds fanfiction

[the-bau-quinjet]

Sore

I don’t love what this idea turned into, because it was supposed to be lighthearted, but it really spiraled. I will say, I like the ending.

Summary: Reader breaks down after a tough case. Spencer is there to help. 

Warnings: mentions on child abuse, domestic abuse, sexual assault, unhealthy coping mechanisms, therapy

Word Count: 2930

She didn’t mean to overdo it, but sometimes it’s inevitable. It’s her only escape.

 The team just finished up a domestic violence cult case in Laramie, Wyoming. It took six days for them to even realize the cult aspect, having been trying to connect the victims to one offender. The case was draining for everyone, but especially for her.

Everyone in the BAU has some kind of past trauma. Nobody randomly decides to do this kind of work for a living without some significant inspiration. Over her time in the BAU, Y/N has come to learn about these traumas and how they’ve shaped the people around her. She has yet to share hers though. Not because she doesn’t trust them, but rather because she only ever talks about it to her therapist. She’s made significant progress in coping with her trauma, but she hasn’t worked through it enough to bring it up herself.

 Of course, keeping it bottled up doesn’t work so she found a way to relieve the stress. Exercise. It’s never been a problem before now. She’s never overdone it before. If a case has her thinking about it, or she’s having a particularly bad day, she’ll do a HIIT or fully body workout until she’s tired enough that her brain shuts off.

 Her therapist is working with her to limit the bad days. Honestly, since joining the BAU her bad days have been rather infrequent. There’s just too much else to worry about for her to think about her own problems.

 But this case hit too close to home. Every new victim and every new piece of evidence reminded Y/N of what it was like growing up with abusive parents. She went into foster care at 15. Three years later, she went to college and did everything in her power to forget it.

 But history has a way of repeating itself. Her college boyfriend hurt her. It started small. He grew controlling, accused her of cheating, and then tried to beat the “truth” out of her. She finally left him, only to wind up with another guy who wouldn’t take no as an answer. So she stopped dating. She threw herself into her work, trying to rid the world of men like those of her past. That’s what lead her to the BAU.

 The group of profilers on the jet could all tell something was off, but Y/N isn’t one to be pushed into opening up. They know she’ll come to them when she’s ready to talk about it. Whatever “it” is. So, rather than poking and prodding, each member shows they are there for her in their own way.

 Derek and Emily each give her a hug before departing, something reserved for after especially difficult cases. Rossi squeezes her shoulder, much how she would imagine a loving parent to. JJ offers a kind smile, the one that always brings you joy, and reassuring eyes before heading out for the day. Hotch gives her less paperwork than everyone else. Penelope sends her extra videos of cute animals to lift her spirits. And Spencer stays by her side for the entire flight. Normally, Spencer would sprawl out on the sofa to catch up on the sleep he always lacks. Instead, he sits beside Y/N and offers her the blanket he typically uses, calming her nerves with the gentle swishing of pages being turned in his book of the hour.

 With everything on her mind, she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She should call her therapist, but they aren’t landing until 9:30 pm and she knows Dr. Robbins has a family of her own. So, she treats it like she used to treat a bad day. She finds a workout to do, and puts every last ounce of energy into the different exercises.

 Only, it doesn’t work like it used to. After completing the nearly hour long workout, her mind is still whirring with the pictures from the evidence board. Every time she closes her eyes she sees her father’s face, and hears his drunken yelling. Her mother in the background, unbothered because she only had Y/N so he would have a new punching bag.

 So, she finds another workout. And then another. And then another. After three more hours, she’s finally exhausted her brain into tuning out the memories long enough for her to sleep.

 She sleeps for most of Saturday, waking only long enough to shower and eat dinner. Sunday morning, the memories are back. So, she’s back to working out.

She knows in her head that it isn’t healthy, but the logical part of her brain isn’t exactly functioning at its highest level. All she’s focused on is making the pain go away. If turning the emotional pain into physical pain is what it takes, then so be it. She’d rather have the aching muscles.

 All of that, lead her to now. It’s Monday morning and she can barely walk like a normal person. Every step requires more energy than the last. Hell, she can’t even sit down without falling into the chair.

 The elevator doors spring open, revealing the glass doors that lead to the BAU bullpen. She walks in as best she can, tossing her bag on her desk with a dull thud. Of course, she’s later than normal and so Spencer and Morgan are sitting at their desks, watching as she throws herself into her chair.

 “Hi Y/N…” Spencer trails off when he sees the bags under her eyes and notices her stiff posture. “Um, are you alright?” Spencer’s puppy like concern warms her heart.

 “Yeah, I’m fine. I just did a little too much at the gym this weekend is all. I’ll be fine in a few days.” She tries to hide the underlying emotional stress behind why she did too much. Morgan can tell she’s hiding something though, even if he is way off base about what it is.

 “Yeah, the gym.” Morgan snorts his response, cutting Spencer off before he could start rambling about how to combat the negative effects of too much exercise and simultaneously drawing the attention of Emily and JJ who were reentering the bullpen after getting coffee.

 “What’s that supposed to mean?” JJ questions before Y/N can defend herself.

 “Little mama over here is sore from too much time at ‘the gym’.” It’s clear to her, and nearly everyone else in the room, that Morgan thinks she is sore from being absolutely railed. Suddenly all eyes are on her. It’s just too much for her to take. The combination of mental and physical exhaustion crossed with not wanting to talk about it causes her to break.

 She’s not sure what thought process her brain is following when she replies. Actually, she’s pretty confident her brain isn’t functioning at all when she starts speaking. Her words are painfully quiet, lacking the typical edge one would expect from someone so mentally and physically exhausted. She sounds broken. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I was in the gym for four hours Friday night and seven more yesterday, so excuse me if I’m a little bit stiff. It’s hard to work in time to stretch afterward when you’ve finally exhausted yourself enough to sleep without having to worry about remembering-.” With tears in her eyes, she cuts herself off, pushes herself from her chair, and starts the walk toward Hotch’s office, stopping to whisper her gratitude to Reid. “Spence, thank you for checking in on me.”

 Morgan, JJ, Prentiss, and Reid share confused glances as she opens and closes the door to Hotch’s office without even knocking.

 “Hotch, I think I need to go home. I- I need to talk to someone and I can’t do that if I’m here.” She manages to mutter out the words without fully breaking down, but Hotch can still clearly see something is wrong.

 “If that’s what you need to do, please go ahead. I just want you to know that we’re here for you too. You’ve been part of this team for a little over two years now. None of us want you to feel like you have to keep it all to yourself. Unfortunately nightmares come with the job, but I want you to know we all-” He stops talking as the tears begin to stream down her face. Rising from his seat, he walks around his desk to offer her support.

 Without even sparing it a second thought, Y/N collapses into his arms. She’s too exhausted to hide her emotions anymore. It’s all become too much.

 “I just can’t keep it in anymore. I feel like I’m hiding a piece of me from all of you, and I just don’t want to anymore.” It’s not exactly how she pictured letting it all out, but it makes sense. She’s hit a wall and there’s no way forwards but through.

 “Shh, it’s okay. What do you need?” Hotch is protective over his entire team, but something about Y/N makes him feel like an older brother. Like it’s his job to protect her from anything and everything he can.

 “I just want to go home. I need a break from remembering it all.” Hotch nods in understanding, reaching for his coat.

 “I’ll take you now.”

 “Actually, can Spencer take me? I want to tell him first. And can you tell Morgan I’m sorry? It wasn’t fair to say that. He didn’t know.” Hotch guides her out of his office, promising that Morgan wouldn’t hold it against her.

 “Reid, take L/N home.” Spencer nods in understanding, already reaching for Y/N’s keys since he takes the metro.

 It feels like hours have gone by, but it couldn’t have been more than 30 minutes before Spencer was sitting next to her on her couch in her apartment. They didn’t talk at all on the drive. Tears were still falling down her cheeks, but at a much less alarming rate.

 “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. We can just sit here.” Spencer has never felt less equipped to handle a situation. His years of learning everything there is to know haven’t prepared him for seeing the one person he cares about more than anyone else in the world so broken.

 “No. I- I want to tell you. But I need you to do me a favor afterward.” She sniffles, slowly looking into his eyes.

 “I’ll do anything you need me to.” His words are so sincere, it almost brings about another round of sobs.

 “After I tell you, I need you to tell everyone else. I just know I won’t be able to force myself to relive it more than once, so if I tell you, then you can tell everyone else because-”

 “I’ll remember exactly what you say.” He nods to himself, thinking she picked him for his memory rather than because of any potential feelings.

 “Well, yeah. But, also I wanted you to hear it from me. I wanted to tell you because I couldn’t bear the thought of you hearing it from anyone else. I wanted to look into your eyes when I say it all for the first time without being with my therapist because I know you will still look at me the same way afterward. You won’t treat me any different because you know what it’s like to feel like the baby of the group and as much as everyone else cares, with you it’s different. I just know you’ll understand what I need in a way nobody else will because you’ve always been able to read me, even when I tried to hide it.” She manages a weak smile in his direction, taking a deep breath to prevent anymore ramblings.

 “I don’t… I don’t know what to say. I- thank you for trusting me enough to be here for you.” For the first time since meeting Y/N, Spencer feels like she might feel the same way about him that he feels about her. Of course, now isn’t the time to act on it, but it still fills him with a confidence he would have otherwise been lacking.

 Before she starts talking again, Y/N reaches for Spencer’s hand. An action he would quickly come to understand is a big deal for her.

 “As far back as I can remember, I never had anyone who cared about me. My dad, he would hit my mom. When she got pregnant, she saw it as a way out. He stopped hitting her because she told him once I was born, he would have his own personal punching bag, but I had to actually be born for that to happen. I don’t really know when he started hitting me. If I was an infant or a toddler or whatever. But it’s all I can remember of them.” Spencer begins rubbing circles into her hand with his thumb when he hears her breathing speed up.

 “It was like that until I managed to tell one of my teachers there was something wrong. I was fifteen when I was placed in foster care. I switched between homes until I went to college on scholarship.” Spencer does his best to provide comfort to you, but he can tell there’s more to the story.

 “Freshmen year of college a met a guy. We started dating, and I thought I found someone who cared, ya know? But, he started to get angry at the smallest things. He would lash out, break things. One day he started hitting me, forcing me to do things.” She takes a shaky breath before continuing. “I was more prepared this time though. I had a therapist I could call. She helped me work up the courage to leave him. But then right after graduating I met another guy and it all turned out the same.” Silent tears pour down her face as she continues.

 “I felt trapped. Like there was no way for me to escape the cycle. No matter what I did differently I kept meeting people who hurt me to deal with their own pain. I gave it all up, figured I’d never find people who would care about me. I focused on work, made it to the BAU. On bad days, I would work out until I was so tired I couldn’t remember my own name let alone the things they had done to me. Then when I met all of you, it felt too good to be true. There was this whole team of people who suddenly cared about me. It was hard at first, to accept that it was real. But you have to know I never thought any of you would hurt me, it was just in my head that I would never have this kind of familial bond with anyone.

 This last case, I don’t know what it was about it, but I couldn’t stop seeing the evidence boards. The faces of women who were passed around from man to man as objects to abuse. So, I fell back into my old habit. Only, it didn’t work like it used to so I just kept going and going until I could escape.” The tears slowed as she managed to get everything off her chest. All that could be heard in the room was her ragged breaths.

 “Y/N, I… I can’t imagine how difficult that was to share.” Spencer shifted closer to her, but not too close in case she didn’t want the touch.

 “I’ve always felt like the team- like you would understand. I’ve been working on it in therapy actually. Figuring out a way to tell you all, but I guess I hit the proverbial wall first...” She’s shaking her head as she looks at the floor.

 “Hey, none of that. I know self-deprecation when I see it, and I will not tolerate it from you.” His words carry a gentle conviction. “You are truly one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. I’ve seen you take down unsubs three times your size with pure physical strength. I’ve also seen you talk an unsub down, saving countless lives without laying a hand on them. Never doubt that you are strong enough for this job, because you are one of the strongest people I know.”

 Spencer’s words bring tears to her eyes, but the happy kind this time. She throws her arms around him, snuggling as close as she can. Spencer, at first surprised by the contact, freezes. He quickly melts into her embrace, rubbing circles into her back until she falls asleep.

 Spencer manages to fill the team in via text, explaining enough that everyone understands what happened without having to go into too much detail. He helps her move to her bedroom, trying to prevent any more soreness. When she asks him to stay, he lays down by her side.

 The next morning she wakes up cuddled next to Spencer with several texts from her BAU family. Rossi invited everyone to his house for dinner, an offer she greatly appreciates.

 That night, the team shows her what it feels like to have a family over pasta and wine, a classic combination. In the future, they’ll continue to show her what family really is.

 Spencer will show her what it feels like to be in a healthy relationship. He’ll show her how it feels to be loved without living in constant fear. She’ll show him what it means to be loved for who you are.

 They’ll show each other what it means to be happy.

  tag list:

@mac99martin​

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid one shot #criminal minds x reader #Criminal Minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n

[bostonbashers]

mercs react to their s/o being terminally ill. ~

Hi I don’t know if you’re an angst person but I hope you consider my request. May I request the mercs with an s/o that gets diagnosed with a terminal illness that has no cure and could potentially be fatal? How do they deal with the idea that they could die?

How about mercs with an s/o who is very sick? Thank you and good luck!

so y’all tryna break my heart today, huh. i love writing angst but it always ends up hurting me :’)

terminally ill could be considered a heavy topic so i will tag it accordingly! poor mercs.. please enjoy! ❤️

[ TW: TERMINAL ILLNESS MENTION/ALCOHOL MENTION]

-

Scout:

scared to death for them. his face grows white upon hearing the news and he freezes, his stomach turning at the realization that he may lose the only person that could understand him, not as a scout but as himself.

will probably hurt more than his other half and the news weighs him down greatly, affecting his everyday tasks. he becomes very clingy and is worried that once he leaves their side, they’ll be gone from his reach.

not the best caretaker and doesn’t really know how to assist a sick person, so he calls his ma up for advice and tries his best to follow it, even if he makes a few stumbles here and there. you know he means well even if he nearly burns all the food he makes for you.

Soldier:

demands the medical center to do something about it and says it’s an order, his voice booming around the quiet area. when they apologize and inform him that nothing could be done, he nearly loses his shit and has to be held back before he decides to blow up the place.

tries to be strong for them, even if he’s godly worried but doesn’t show it. he highly believes they can make it through their sickness and tries to keep their spirit up no matter how low the day is; “this disease has got nothing on you, cupcake! you are the strongest fighter i know!” and when they smile, it motivates him to continue on.

Pyro:

they whimper cause they know something isn’t right. though they can’t quite put their finger on it, they do notice the change of behavior their s/o has as time passes. the way they drag their body, eat and sleep less, often too weak to move and it just worries them. they know something is wrong.

hugs and rainbows and everything bright makes everyone happy right? so they do just that. even if they can’t understand what they’re going through, they try to cheer them up with everything they have; stuffed animals, their favorite food, cuddles and even sets up little skits for them.

on their worse days, where they’re terribly ill and can’t build up the strength to do even the simplest of tasks, they just stay by their side, hugging them here and there to show that they’re not alone.

Demoman:

tavish is heart broken but he doesn’t show it to his s/o. the last thing they need to see is another crying face around them. instead, he asks how his s/o how they’re feeling and comforts them in their time of need despite the tears threatening to spill.

he mostly grieves in silence at first, not even alcohol being able to silence the pain that ached inside him. he cries to himself for a while until his s/o catches him one night, hunched over on the table while he let out soft sobs. they hug him from behind until he’s ready to talk and when he does, he feels much better. 

once he composes himself the day after, he tries to cut down on the alcohol to be sober enough to care for his s/o properly. he wants to be there for them completely in their time of need.

Heavy:

is deeply saddened for his s/o, not knowing the impact it had placed on their shoulders. he doesn’t say much but hugs them gently, caressing their back for comfort. “(y/n) will be okay. misha is here.”

he’s already a worry wart so upon learning this, he becomes even worse with his concerns and frets about his s/o often, commenting on every little thing. if they cough too loud or even vomit, he freaks out inwardly and does everything and anything he can to help them.

he often asks medic for advice on how to help them cope with their disease at the least and follows his tips to the bone. he also makes sure that his s/o doesn’t overwork themselves at all and tells them to rest often.

Medic:

he thinks that the doctor is just pulling shit out of their ass and probably just giving his s/o a scare. they’ve been acting and looking fine lately, so it’d be strange for them to have an incurable disease. he brushes it off his shoulders for the time being.

but then as he slowly observes them more, he does notice major changes that he hadn’t caught before. the way they moved, spoke, and even the way their beautiful smile weakened eventually caught up to him and he’s completely devastated, reality finally striking him.

stays up countless nights to find a cure, anything and everything that could at least prevent it from worsening. it’s true, he could always bring people back to life but it wasn’t always an assurity and he wasn’t sure if a disease was the same, so it worries him more. even if his s/o begs him to take a break, he just won’t. not when they’re in danger.

Sniper:

he gets angry at the doctor at first, spewing out questions that he knew the doctor couldnt answer himself; “wut do ya mean ya weasels can’t do a thing? isn’t that your job?” when his s/o drags him out of the medical center, he grows eerily quiet compared to the moments earlier and keeps his head down the rest of the way home.

when his s/o does confront him later that night, they cup both his scruffy cheeks in their hands and he leans into their touch unconciously. “i’m gonna be okay.” he stays quiet, staring at them with a sullen expression. “oi know.” he murmurs, “oim just- just afraid to lose ya.” and they shake their head and wrap their arms around his torso, “you won’t.”

afraid is just the beginning. he’s utterly mortified with the idea of losing them, often keeping him awake at night and sending him into nightmares. he’s lost so many people in his life and he knows the pain of it, but this was different. this pain is absolutely unbearable and he holds them tight as they sleep, silently begging that they don’t take away the one perfect thing he has going in his life.

Engineer:

he tries not to cry right in front of his s/o as they announce the news to the both of them, but his s/o knows he’s one second away from breaking down so they pull him out of there as soon as possible. he tearfully apologizes to them, blaming himself for not taking care of them more often and how he should’ve noticed. his s/o tries to reassure him it’s not his fault but it doesn’t really change his mind.

doesn’t deal with the idea of losing his s/o very well. he smiles less and worries more, stressing himself out but tries to maintain his positive attitude for the sake of keeping them happy during these times.

anything his s/o needs, he does without a complaint. no matter what time of the day or how busy he is, he will drop it just to attend to them. he takes it up a notch once he’s aware his s/o is sick and you best believe it’ll be done in a heartbeat once those words leave your mouth.

Spy:

he’s had a feeling for a while that his other half was sick, hence the reason why he forcefully decided to drag them to the hospital. when the news is confirmed, he thanks the doctors and quietly pulls them out of the building. he sees the teary eyes of his s/o and sighs deeply, embracing them in a tight hug, whispering sweet nothings to them.

is aware that their s/o’s mental health may decline due to the sudden shock and tries to lighten up their day often, buying them things they want or complimenting them whenever he sees them. he also starts conversations whenever they’re around. even goes as far as dancing with them in the middle of his quarters.

makes sure his s/o is relaxed as possible at the same time. he messages their back and wherever it hurts, holds them whenever they need it, and becomes a mother hen whenever they fall terribly ill. even if he’s outwardly fine, he’s honestly devastated but tries to keep his head on his shoulders, knowing that panicking will only worsen the situation.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #team fortress 2 x reader #tf2 x reader #team fortress 2 imagines #team fortress 2 headcanons #team fortress 2 scenarios #tf2 imagines #tf2 scenarios #tf2 headcanons #tf2 sniper #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 heavy #tf2 engineer #tf2 engie #tf2 spy #tf2 demoman #tf2 demo #angst

[panharmonium]

do you ever just sit and think about this

mizuki telling iruka that naruto is going to take revenge on the village for lying about the fox, and iruka replying “no...naruto isn’t like that” orochimaru telling kakashi that sasuke is an avenger whose heart desires only one thing, and kakashi replying “you think you can take advantage of that?  not sasuke.”

iruka thinking “naruto...he’s just like i was back then”

gai thinking “he reminds me of you, kakashi...when you were young”

mizuki manipulating naruto for his own benefit (“he used you to get the scroll for himself, for his own power!”) and using a big reveal (“they’ve been lying to you your whole life, naruto”) to damage naruto’s trust in the person who’s actually trying to help him

madara doing the exact same thing with sasuke

kakashi telling iruka “actually, you are the only one who can reach naruto’s heart/i believe if you can just hang in there a little longer, you will find the way”

kakashi later being put in a position where he’s the only adult who has a chance of getting through to sasuke...the only adult who even bothers to try

kakashi telling iruka that reaching naruto is “your personal ordeal,” the task he’s meant to complete, the task that he isn’t allowed to quit, even when he goes to the hokage to try and resign 

sakumo telling kakashi “it seems you have unfinished business waiting for you back home/there must be something you’re still meant to do” as kakashi gets yanked out of the afterlife, because kakashi is living out his own personal ordeal now and he isn’t allowed to quit either

i know you have your reasons, but as your teacher i can’t just walk away

i know that’s how you feel, naruto (i *do* know how you feel)

i’m in charge of this child’s safety (i’ll protect you with my life) 

he’s going home with me.

i think about this a Lot.  in particular, i think about the ways in which the ability to make (or not make, as the case may be) a connection to a single trusted adult has such a dramatic effect on the trajectories that naruto and sasuke’s lives take later.

naruto finds “his” grown-up - someone who’s lived the same life he has and who can understand him in a way that others can’t - and that in turn leads him to more connections, more adults to look after him, an entire surrogate family to believe in him/support him/make him feel like he belongs.  sasuke, for his part, also finds “his” grown-up - but in his case, the situation is much more complicated, and he’s never able to reap the attendant benefits.  events conspire to send him running before he can become truly connected to a loving community, and so he never has a chance to build the larger support system that naruto does.  he never finds a jiraiya or a tsunade or a yamato or a bunch of animal sages to give him guidance or a class of peers to fight for him or a village to admire him and protect him.  he has no support network.  every adult he’s met since leaving the Leaf has been someone who’s trying to exploit him, and the instant he realizes that he might be starting to feel the faintest connection to taka, he ditches them.  to this day, the only friends he’s ever made (and i use that term loosely, because even when sasuke was still in the Leaf his relationships weren’t a first priority for him) are sakura and naruto.  and the ONLY adult he’s ever had a true connection with, post-massacre, is kakashi.

sasuke’s going to need all three of these people if he’s going to survive, but i’m focusing on kakashi in this particular piece, because if ever there were a kid who desperately needed a trusted adult to help them navigate their life, sasuke is it.  sasuke has been left to his own devices for years and years (everybody remember that time when a seven year old who witnessed the mass murder of his entire extended family was allowed to wake up ALONE in a hospital room and walk out of the building and revisit the crime scene without anyone noticing he was gone?  i do!).  he has never had an adult to take care of him or help him process the things that happened to him in a semi-healthy way, and nowadays he’s a disaster driving itself off a cliff.  he has zero coping skills that aren’t completely self-destructive.  he won’t accept advice or assistance from anybody who doesn’t understand what he’s going through (and understandably so - why should he listen to anybody who isn’t feeling what he’s feeling, who hasn’t lost the way he’s lost?  what can they possibly have to offer him?).  he needs somebody who can come to him from a place of credibility, someone who can say “i *do* know how you feel” and not be talking out their ass.  that’s what naruto gets from iruka when they finally make their connection - a relationship with an adult who accepts him and believes in him and (most importantly of all) understands him.  that’s naruto’s first step on the way to him reaching the place he inhabits now, where the lonely and shunned orphan he used to be is beloved by everyone, blessed with multiple parental figures, and supported by innumerable friends both at home and abroad.  meeting an adult who could say “we’re the same” and have it genuinely be true instead of just empty talk is what allows naruto to finally feel like he isn’t alone.  it’s what enables him to eventually become part of a community.  

naruto has these opportunities because he finds His Person - a mentor and caretaker who can say with complete honesty “we’re the same.”  sasuke found someone like that, too, and in truth he still has that person chasing after him, but circumstances being what they are, he hasn’t been able to benefit from that relationship the same way naruto has.  he was removed from kakashi’s supervision at the exact moment when he needed it most (and at the exact moment where they had just broken new ground in their relationship), and because of that, he’s remained incredibly isolated.  naruto has steadily accumulated friends and comrades (and five different people to be his dad), but sasuke has connected with no one.  he’s completely alone.  he is - as neji aptly put it - in the darkness right now, and he’s in there all by himself, without friends to support him, and without the only adult who can point him in the right direction.  

honestly, the only thing that makes me feel better about this is knowing that sasuke still has these people waiting for him whenever he comes home.  it’s high time he was able to have his own iruka and benefit from the same network of loving connections that naruto was able to build.

#naruto himself acknowledges this! #he tells sasuke 'i could have been like you' #'i used to think i didn't have bonds - but then i met you and iruka sensei' #naruto ALWAYS cites iruka as the first person to believe in him and acknowledge him #even many seasons later when we haven't even seen iruka recently #that relationship changed his life #and i LONG for the day when sasuke will be able to benefit from his relationship with kakashi in the same way #this is like...i just have very very very strong feelings about the way kakashi's life forged him into the right adult for this kid #every single thing about who he was and how he struggled and what happened to him #it's...like it was all planned #not that all these tragedies happened for a reason exactly - but that they're finally going to MEAN something #i cannot tell you how compelling that is to me #naruto #meta #he's like me

[yunsoh]

s3 episode 3 thoughts and oh boy!!! trio time. disaster siblings + yuki time.

- man have i missed the student council. just wow have i missed them 

- tbh my first thought is just how cute kimi is at the start of this ep. also i love that she and yuki have this same problem with the seniors suddenly confessing their love/trying to ask them out before they graduate and while yuki’s sitting here like “i can only hurt their feelings :(” kimi’s straight up like “let them throw a pity party!! whatever” queen

- and of course “what makes a guy attractive is his bank account 💖” fave. and kakeru agreeing with “true facts” god the two of them. mhm.

- the way that kimi decimates nao’s entire life and career in one fell swoop. get his ass. also i find it endlessly funny that nao has a crush on minagawa of all girls because she is point blank the most obnoxious girl in the whole school. like it just seems like he wouldn’t have the patience for her at all LMAO but i guess crushes just do that to your brain sometimes

- the girls calling machi scary for knocking over a bunch of chalk while being dead fuckin silent on haru literally destroying their classroom. actually not even dead quiet the girls literally cleaned up after him. hot privilege. 

- i’m endlessly curious about how this rumor about machi trying to kill her little brother even got around like. i have to assume it was something that slipped from either her parents or kakeru’s mom to other parents of kids who go to the same school/adjacent schools. because obviously it did not come from kakeru and he’s the only other person who knows yk.

- kakeru: *sulks*

- machi: *trots*

- ugh man it’s machi’s parents just continuing to put her own feelings in her mouth and never once letting her have control over her own personhood, down to displaying her thoughts or emotions. “you’ll be more comfortable alone.” also her dad saying that he assumed that machi might try to hurt her brother and treating that as the truth because she’s never had the space to become an individual to them separate from what they project onto her. how much can you hate your child actually.

- also find it interesting that kakeru has never fully questioned whether or not machi actually tried to kill her brother. when he says it to yuki, he says “what those girls said is pretty close to the truth.” and when yuki says he finds it hard to believe, kakeru says he “may be right,” since it’s just the version of the story he heard from his parents. but all things considered i don’t think he’s necessarily ever believed it to be true; he’s just never been able to see machi’s side of the story because she’s been fully closed off to confiding in him, which is mostly because she feels as though she won’t be listened to or understood anyway thanks to the treatment she’s had from her parents.

- that said. kakeru go to jail

- it’s about yuki feeling comfortable enough to engage in physical acts of friendship without so much as thinking about it. yeah :)

- i do find it interesting that kakeru remembers this moment of machi making footprints in the snow when they were younger. it’s something that would probably be easily forgettable but it stuck with him because even he found something a little off about it.

- this whole minute is just such a whirlwind. the little arrows pointing to yuki. machi trying to slam the door on them. kakeru dragging yuki in to the point that he’s tripping over his own feet. yuki calling it the sea of decay with sincerity but machi has no idea what the context is. the bra. machi about to throttle yuki. kakeru finally fucking leaving after getting hit and still being a shit. this all happens in like forty seconds.

- her best quality: her squiggles 

- oh this visual of her having to walk this tightrope with her mom. interesting

- also interesting how young machi sounds in this scene where her mom is talking down on her to another person. i know she must be in her first or second year of middle school (just because kakeru was in middle school when he finally got out of the inheritance situation) but it really drives home just how young she was.

- also heartbreaking because this is a moment where machi is trying to stand up for herself and asking why her mom is saying those things about her when she’s the one who shaped her this way, and she’s just so thoroughly shut down by her that she can’t cope.

- i thought this shot was adapted well, although i think the scene itself is kind of confusing -- in the manga, it’s insinuated that she has this breakdown moment right after this conversation with her mom, and that it’s the first time she reacts this destructively (in the manga her outfit is the same between shots, and it doesn’t appear that she’s in her own apartment yet -- it’s more ambiguously just a home office). here though they change it so that it’s a more recent event -- more like she’s reacting this way because she’s remembering this conversation, rather than reacting directly after it. the outfit she wears in this scene is the same one she wears when her parents are accusing her of trying to hurt her brother, too; it’s also reasonable to read this as her having a breakdown after being left alone in her apartment for the first time. to the team’s credit her window is also broken in the season 2 ep where we see her apartment for the first time, so we can assume that they made this change deliberately.

- yuki is so genuinely kind as usual, but it’s also because he does have a thread of personal understanding of where she’s coming from. he also suffered from being held to an incredibly high standard and was similarly emotionally neglected because of this, but it’s also something he’s come to terms with and has started to heal and move on from. so he’s at a place where he’s able to give her some comfort. even just the simple act of praise for still being here, and just being herself, is something that is so desperately needed.

- kakeru listening in..... boy take ur notes

- literally yuki is like the epitome of being machi’s senior like this moment is just sooo gentle but also protective i think. like he’s really just taking the helm where kakeru has been unable to all this time. he’s her mentor in a way. 

- kakeru’s goofy fucking ringtone and the animation that goes with it. love that

- the chalk-breaking scene did change the game. yuki is just completely on for her to the point that he doesn’t even stop what he’s saying to consider it. he’s just really looking out for her :’(

- rest of the ep under the cut because i know this is gonna be about minagawa lmfao

- oh this new scene is cute? love kyo actually helping out + uo and hana just fucking chilling. also uo hana and yuki only giving a fuck about tohru while kyo falls from like eight feet up.

- yuki literally only coming in for that second lmfao king

- i knew that this would be the minagawa ep and yet when yuki said he had an appointment i was like...... are you....... going to the doctor’s for some reason....... this is a weird reboot addition..............

- the beginning of this scene is weeeeeird what a weird transition to minagawa. also this feels super jarring and i knew this was coming?? like there’s no setup for this being a goodbye to minagawa she’s just suddenly sitting there getting super nostalgic 

- i am grateful though that they didn’t split the time these chapters got completely 50-50. minagawa only getting like five minutes of screentime before gong away forever feels apt.

- minagawa really is just here to say “thank you yuki for being the center of my harassment campaign on the general student body here for these past two years” before bouncing. this isn’t even a point of character development she literally didn’t learn anything.

- the pacing of this feels so WEIRD like. on the one hand, glad it’s only five minutes. on the other hand why was it included at all. it really dampers the rest of the ep and just feels super distracting.

- the dramatic music....... the dramatic flashbacks......... i mean it tracks for her but i just cannot take it seriously lmaooo

- wow the way this is delivered just makes this scene with minagawa feel extra undeserved. like even more so than in the manga. that’s pretty incredible.

- am i going to sit here and make mental parallels between the fact that neither minagawa nor machi actually know yuki personally. like they’ve both been observing him from afar this whole time. like is that the parallel i’m supposed to draw this episode that both of these girls have crushes on him but he hasn’t actually divulged anything personal to either of them. idk. like i know the answer is no and that it’s more fodder for him having a romance plot and whatever but. idk!

- what is happening what is happening what is happening

- this departing song + the shots of the empty school feels so fucking weird. we’re saying goodbye to minagawa and takei. what is being imparted emotionally does not match the actual narrative we are receiving. also feels weird to put a scene with this much “goodbye” emotion in the third episode?

- did i just fast forward through this nao and minagawa scene. maybe.

- oh that’s right we also get hiro at the end of this chapter too. and kagura talking about rin. this pacing is weird

- it still baffles me that rin was able to graduate how tf did she manage that

- wow i really wish these last parts of the ep were moved to the next episode or something. they feel really out of place squashed into the end here. this rin bit definitely deserved more time to let the weight sink in.

#fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers #surprisingly felt like i didn't talk too much about this ep #probably because i've talked about all this stuff w machi to death already

[robinofinashiro]

request: “yandere alphabet Bakugou Katsuki”

request status: open

pairing: yandere! bakugou katsuki x fem! reader 

A - Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

》 Bakugou is based off actions, not words. THAT’S NOT TO SAY THAT HE WOULDN’T LOVE YOU VERBALLY BUT he would prefer to show you rather than speak it. 

B - Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

》 this is Bakugou we’re talking about, he already does the most in a non-yandere situation so imagine for the love of his life? he’d go to the ends of the world for and he’d do it the minute they asked. 

C - Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

》 okay so logically speaking, you’re probably going to go against him when you first get napped so yeah, he’d make sure you’d know that you’re his forever and he’d 100% mock the death of a loved one to make sure you got the point. YOU. ARE. NOT. LEAVING. HIM.

D - Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

》 affection? like previously mentioned, he is more actions than words so he will force you to cuddle with him if he had a hard day at work. kisses after work are a thing he makes you do too. forced physical affection is a big one with him.

E - Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

》 once he’s realized that he cracked you enough, enough to the point where you’ve developed stockholm syndrome, that’s probably the breaking and vulnerable point. he’ll lay all his thoughts, past, future plans, and anything else to you. i mean, it’s not like you’re going anywhere. 

F - Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

》 Bakugou is PISSED. especially if you’re doing it after months of being kidnapped. he doesn’t understand why? you literally have the best life. you’re clothed, fed, pampered every second that you’re with him so why are you being such an ass? 

G - Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

》 I can imagine there are a few yandere MHA characters that would think of this as a game. Bakugou is not one of those. you’re his. whether you like it or not and if he sees that you’re trying to escape, he will punish you for doing that and god damn it, that aint the move.  

H - Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

》 either punishment after they’ve broke a rule of his or right when he first kidnaps them. both situations are very very bad and as a darling, don’t ever try to experience those situations again. it wouldn’t end up being a good thing for you. 

I - Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

》 white fence house with kids. basically being a housewife. oh, you were thinking of becoming a hero? yeah, okay! let’s keep thinking that and for a while, you will but then you suddenly end up pregnant bc the condom broke! whoopsie! 

J - Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

》 VERY EASILY. if the two of you somehow leave the house together and he sees you talking to man, oh pal, you’re in for it. it doesn’t matter if you were just talking to a poor salesperson at the grocery store, he’ll whisper a warning that if you ever pull that shit again, your privileges are taken away. 

K - Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

》 he’s very affectionate. like an arm around your waist at the store and peck on the cheek if he sees someone is staring at you. it becomes doubled or even tripled at home. he’s constantly cuddling, kissing, or holding you.  

L - Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

》 um, he’ll court you for a bet. go all out. buy you flowers, chocolates, a very expensive gift an anniversary, and all that jazz. he’ll make sure that you feel loved very early on in the relationship. 

M - Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

》 yes and no. yes because he gets very easily jealous and no because he has a reputation to uphold. he’s King Explosion Murder. he doesn’t do that fluffy shit willingly in public. 

N - Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

》depending on what you did, it could range from a simple locked in your room for a few hours to you’re not eating unless he remembers and when he does, he’ll give you the bare minimum. 

O - Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

》 like previously mentioned, it depends. he won’t let you have any cell phone or phone privileges. he will try to keep you as healthy as possible so hospital, dentist, vision appointments are a thing but he won’t take you to the mall or visit family. you do get to watch TV tho!! 

P - Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

》 ironically, very patient with his darling. he’ll try to rationalize the things you’re first doing when he kidnaps you but after a while, if you’re still doing shit to piss him off, he’ll get irritated very quickly. 

Q - Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

》 HAAAAA. yeah right. whatever the case is, he won’t. if you died, he’d go right with you. if you leave or successfully escape, he’ll look for you until the day he dies or he finds you. you aren’t escaping him that easily. 

R - Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

》 yes and no. at first, he recognizes that his emotions towards you are not healthy and will try to step away from you but once he realizes that he can’t live without you, he’ll come to accept the emotions. 

S - Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

》 probably his past with Deku and his relationship with his mom. whichever side eats him up the most is probably the reason but it’s probably both tho. he won’t ever fully forgive what he did and said to Deku as a child and his very off relationship with mom will just seal the deal. 

T - Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

》 at first, hella shitty. he’ll sit and realize that he’s the reason why you’re so upset but after a while, he starts caring less. if he sees you crying/screaming, he’ll leave you alone for a few hours but come and get you a bit later. if you’re isolating yourself intentionally, he’ll show you what true isolation is. he won’t have you misbehaving in such a way. 

U -Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

》 probably not. he’s very much the stereotypical yandere. if anything, he’ll probably give you a few hours outside with him. he can’t have you going sick bc you aren’t outside. other than that, nope, he’s the classic yandere.  

V - Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

》 pregnancy or anything that has to do with your health. that’s the best time to tell someone about the situation and RUN. 

W - Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

》 fuck no baby. he might be cruel and irrational but he wouldn’t ever physically hurt them. he has to keep you the precious darling you are and how can he do that when you’re hurt, bruised, and broken? he’s more of a psychological, ‘I’ll fuck with your brain and mental health’ person. 

X - Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

》 he’ll do the most in the very beginning. he’ll become a simp. a huge simp. the good thing in all of that is that he’s very secretive with it so he can do it without really anyone realizing it. he’ll shower you in compliments and gifts. do not test this man. 

Y - Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

》 probably a few months. he doesn’t wait too long though. I think the thing that keeps him back a bit is the fact that he knows his feelings aren’t okay. those aren’t normal emotions and he will sit back and think of the actions that come with becoming a yandere. so give or take, he’ll keep himself back for roughly four-ish months. 

Z - Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

》 mentally yes, physically no. he’s all about the psychology of it all. if he can break your mental health and can realize that you’re on the verge of snapping and becoming his perfect darling, he’ll try his hardest to break you. like previously mentioned, he can’t physically bring himself to hurt you. he gets upset at himself and that’s something nobody wants to deal with. 

#bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha #boku no hero academia #boku no hero x reader #mha #mha imagine #mha x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia imagine #anime #anime imagines #anime x you #bakugou katsuki imagine #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki x you #yandere bnha #yandere mha #yandere bakugou katsuki #river writes

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Haven (34/50)

Summary: They say Resembool is a haven, and they’re right. Lush pastures, quaint country town, farmers’ markets on Saturdays: a bucolic paradise.

But it’s more than that. Resembool is a haven for the runaways, the deserters, the people who don’t want to be found…

The Resembool community knows there’s something odd about Hohenheim, but they’re not going to let that stop them helping him out. This is Resembool after all, a place where no one has to hide and neighbours help neighbours, be they building a fence, chasing a sheep, or trying to save the country from an evil they inadvertently helped release centuries ago…

Or: A series of slices of life in an AU in which Hohenheim never leaves, and several broken state alchemists find hope and home in Resembool.

Rated: T

==

Haven

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [AO3]

Summary: Roy and Riza explore the depth of their feelings for each other. 

Characters: Roy, Riza

Pairing: Roy/Riza

==

Riza isn’t quite sure which of them really initiates it. They’ve been dancing around each other for a long time now, well, ever since Riza first arrived in Resembool. If she’s being completely honest, then it started far before that, before Ishval really. They’ve known each other since they were teenagers and Roy was studying alchemy under her father, and she thinks that the spark of attraction has always been there. Of course, then Ishval happened, and they were both too wrecked by everything that was going on to really find solace in each other there. After Riza came to Resembool and they were reunited, they were both too focussed on making sure that the other one was ok to really do anything about their feelings. Wellbeing took priority, as it should. 

Now, though, they’re in a much more stable place mentally. The nightmares will never go away, and Riza knows that she’ll keep on waking up screaming for the rest of her life. Not every night, but she knows it will never leave her. 

That’s been the beauty and the curse of living with the other deserters. They all know what she’s going through and they all try to help her through it in their own ways, all of them sympathetic to her plight but none of them really knowing the best way to get her to cope with it when they’re all in the same damaged boat. 

The fact remains that there are definitely feelings there, and Riza won’t deny them, but she’s always thought that there would be a better time to go over them. Now she has realised that if there is going to be a better time, then it won’t be until a long time in the future, and if there’s one thing that her life has taught her thus far, it’s that life itself is very short and she needs to make the most of things whilst she can. 

It’s a sentiment that she thinks Roy is beginning to share. Especially since they’re in the kitchen preparing dinner together, standing side by side, Riza stirring the pot on the stove whilst Roy chops vegetables, and before she knows it, they’re both looking at each other rather than what they’re supposed to be concentrating on, and then they’re leaning in, and then their lips are tentatively touching. 

Riza pulls away sharply, not because the kiss was unwanted but because she’s unprepared for what comes after. In all the nebulous daydreams she’s had of kissing Roy, it’s never been like this and she’s always known exactly what to say afterwards. 

For a long time, neither of them appear to be able to say anything, just looking at each other, a little scared as well as more than a little happy. 

This time, Riza decides to take the initiative, putting down the wooden spoon and cupping Roy’s face to pull him in for another kiss, still soft and chaste but definitely deliberate this time. He accepts readily, hands coming to her shoulders. 

As they break apart, Riza can see Alex standing in the kitchen doorway out of the corner of her eye. Silently, he steps backwards out of it and closes the door, and she smiles, turning her full attention back to Roy and closing her fingers over his on her shoulders. 

“Hey,” she says, since he shows no signs of filling the silence. No signs of being entirely conscious. 

“Hey.”

“So… that happened.”

“Yeah. You kissed me.”

“I think it was more mutual that we kissed each other. But we liked it, though, didn’t we?” Riza pauses. “I did.”

Roy nods. “Yeah. I did too.”

It’s nothing like an epic romance novel in which there are heartfelt declarations of undying love and dashing knights sweeping their swooning damsels off their feet. In fact, it’s all a bit awkward and Riza has no idea what to say now. She doesn’t regret it though; she doesn’t think that anything could make her regret it, and maybe it’s all the better for being spontaneous. 

“I don’t really know what to say,” Roy admits. “When I pictured this happening before, it was always in very specific circumstances and I would have had some kind of speech prepared. Don’t ask me what the speech would have consisted of. But I would have been more prepared.”

“So would I. But I think it’s better this way. More natural. So much of everything that’s happened to us has been unplanned, I don’t think it would work if this was the one thing that we did decide needed meticulous preparation.”

There’s a rawness to it, an honesty that’s refreshing and that Riza appreciates. They don’t keep any secrets from each other, not now they’re both here against all the odds. Their feelings haven’t really been a secret, per se. There hasn’t been any subterfuge there. They just haven’t been overt about it. They’ve needed to concentrate on other things for so long that maybe it’s second nature. 

She reaches across and turns off the stove before the soup can boil over, and then she steps in closer to Roy, slipping her arms around his middle and resting her head against his shoulder. 

“This is nice,” she says softly. “And I think that this is the right time to do something about it. I’ve felt this way for a long time, but it was never the right time. And I realised that there’s never going to be a perfect moment. We just have to make the best of the imperfect moments that we’ve got.”

Even as the words come out of her mouth, though, Riza knows that they’re not exactly true. The moment is already perfect; they’ve made it perfect, and it was always going to be perfect as long as they got their act together and actually did something.

“Yeah.” Roy holds her tighter. “I know what you mean. We’ve only got one life to live. We might as well live it.”

“There’s no use in trying to deny ourselves something we both want out of a misguided sense of guilt.”

There’s silence for a long time after that, but then, they’ve never really needed words. Even back when they were first getting to know each other during their teen years, during Roy’s first awkward visits to the Hawkeye home. There were a lot of silences then, but they were never truly awkward silences. They’ve always been comfortable in each other’s company, and now they’re just as comfortable in each other’s arms. 

They don’t say it yet. Riza knows she feels it, but she knows it’ll take her a while to be ready to say it. It’s a serious phrase, for all it’s only three words. 

She closes her eyes and feels the comfort and warmth of Roy’s arms around her, and she thinks it instead. 

I love you. 

#FMA: Brotherhood #FMA Fanfiction #royai #Riza Hawkeye #Roy Mustang #Fic: Haven

[fandom-thingies]

Worth a Try

Eret sits alone on the day L’manburg is reclaimed.

Not that they didn’t help with taking it back- of course they did, right? They have a lot to atone for, and they’d been waiting, waiting, waiting for an opportunity to take back a few of their sins.

So they did help take it back, stood atop a tower firing down at Dream and his allies, watched Schlatt’s infamously poor health come back to bite him in the most final way…

But they don’t stick around long, after that. They don’t stay for the presidential game of hot potato, the founders of the nation passing its ownership back and forth. 

They would have, normally, but.

Eret has worked with Dream, in the past. Everyone loves to remind them of it, and they often do so themselves, but something oft forgotten is that Eret knows Dream, knows the obsession he has with ending L’manburg, knows the methods he’s most fond of, that game of pawns and traitors he excels at so notoriously.

And Eret knows Dream gave Wilbur 11 stacks of TNT.

Now, supposedly it’s all gone. Various people have looked around and none have been able to find a trace of it, but Eret knows Wilbur, knows the message he wants to send, and before the battle, they checked somewhere no one else did.

Not many people know the podium is hollow, so not many people noticed when it stopped echoing if you hit it and started making a dull thud sound instead.

Eret notices a lot of things.

While Wilbur is taking his place on stage, Eret goes around the hill, digging toward the podium they’ve guessed to be filled full with TNT.

It takes them a while, but when they find it…

There’s so much.

The smell of sulfur is overwhelming, and they take a moment to pull their shirt over their nose before they begin to dig it out.

They don’t get it all, they don’t have time, but they find the blackstone room and the redstone that runs from it and they make dead sure all the explosives near it are broken.

Then, they dig into the room, because why not? Sue them, they’re curious.

What they find is… exactly what they expected and nothing they could have imagined, at the same time.

It’s unassuming, at a glance. Dingy, poorly lit, small.

It’s also a terrifying representation of Wilbur’s mental state, with the anthem scribbled on the wall in the messiest handwriting they’ve ever seen from the former president, who’s usually so neat and tidy.

There’s no button, which is odd. Perhaps he means to place it himself?

(Eret has no illusions he’s changed his mind. As they said, they’ve worked with Dream before. If he hasn’t extracted some promise from Wilbur to blow it all sky high no matter what, they’ll steal their crown from George and eat it.)

They stand for a moment, just taking in the place, before they hear blocks breaking from the passageway out and realize just how close they’ve cut it.

Hurriedly, they block up the hole they’d used to enter, hoping Wilbur won’t realize they’ve destroyed the TNT.

(Hoping he’s too distracted by his own thoughts to hear them close it)

Only moments after the hole is shut, he comes into view, breaking the dirt blocks that hide this chamber from sight. 

The day outside is far brighter than the hidden room, and the contrast makes it so all Eret can see of Wilbur is a dark silhouette haloed by the clear blue sky.

He doesn’t seem to see them at first, coming almost halfway down the passage before he stops, noticing their presence.

“Eret.” His voice is as calm as it always is, when he says it, but they can tell he’s surprised.

“Wilbur.” They greet in response.

“I didn’t expect to find you here. Come to blow it up yourself?” Eret sighs. The hostility in his voice is... not undeserved.

“Not quite.”

“Still trying for your redemption arc, then?” There’s venom in his tone.

“...as much as I can, yes.”

Wilbur deflates, and it seems like the anger in him has fled as quickly as it entered.

“Why are you doing this, Eret?”

The answer to that is… complicated. There are a lot of reasons. They don’t want L’manburg blown up, for one. It’s suffered rather enough, especially with some of Schlatt’s alterations. They also don’t see a better way to try and make up for what they’ve done than stopping someone else from doing the same, but neither of those are really why. The real reason, the truth of why they’ve spent days knocking on hollow objects and digging random holes in the ground until they finally found the bombs?

“I know better than anyone how much doing this will destroy you.” They say.

And that’s the truth of it, isn’t it? The unvarnished fact of the matter is there’s no moral motivation here, as much as they’d like to pretend. They just don’t want anyone else to feel the guilt they’ve felt, and maybe there’s a selfishness in that, but maybe it’s important, to acknowledge your mistakes and do what you can to stop others from making them.

Wilbur laughs, and there’s no humor in it.

“Of course that would be your reasoning,” and the anger in his voice is back, and Eret is preparing to respond, and Wilbur gives them no chance to before he continues. 

“Maybe I’m already destroyed, huh? Maybe I’ve already seen too much of what the world can offer to recover from it!” He swings a hand out wide, indicating the writing on the wall in an aggressive motion that makes Eret shrink back.

“I wrote a whole fucking song for this place, Eret! You were there, you know I did, you were in both versions of the damn thing, and what the fuck is left?” Wilbur inhales, before continuing in a softer tone, “What the fuck is left of it, Eret? I built L’manburg to be special, to be free from tyranny, and look what’s it’s become.”

“Schlatt’s dead, though. He can’t stop you from building it back up.” They counter, but Wilbur doesn’t falter.

“Yeah, and? We violently deposed him, Eret. He had a heart attack sure, but this was a coup through and through. We killed the rightful president of L’manburg. We’ve made ourselves just as bad as him!” 

...no?

No, they’re pretty sure that’s not how that works.

“Isn’t it the right of the people to rebel against rulers who treat them poorly? Schlatt had terrible policies, exiled his political opponents, taxed his citizens into starvation, and destroyed historic monuments,” they adjust their glasses slightly. “Didn’t he kind of have it coming?”

Wilbur stops. Blinks.

Eret suspects he’s never thought of it that way, before.

“But we still killed him. That’s still wrong.” He says, but he sounds... uncertain, now. Off balance.

“Well, we would have. He died before we could.”

“That doesn’t change the intent.”

“Fair enough.”

Eret pauses to collect their thoughts in an orderly manner.

“I still don’t really think it would have been wrong, though. Not any more than it would have been wrong if you’d killed me.”

Wilbur snorts, and says, “Just because you’re drowning in self loathing doesn’t mean you get to snap me out of my self destructive spiral. I’ve been doing just fine with it on my own, thanks.”

Sure he has.

They know terrible coping mechanisms when they see them, is all Eret is saying here.

He must see something of their thoughts in their face, because he continues almost immediately.

“You haven’t got any right to talk, anyway, mr. ‘it was never meant to be’.”

Ah. Hm. He’s got a point there.

Though, their own experience with this is what prompted them to confront him in the first place, so.

“I was wrong, when I said that. I was wrong, and you proved me wrong.”

They mean it, too. They’d been blind when they’d said those words, trying to justify what they were doing to themself by saying the revolution would never have succeeded anyway, and they’d been so fucking stupid.

Wilbur just laughs, though. He laughs for a while.

“You really don’t get it, do you, Eret? You were right, then! You were fucking right! None of this was ever going to work, not with Dream against us! He was always going to find a way to throw a wrench in the gears, and maybe Schlatt got to it first, but there’s no happy ending for this place!” He steps forward, and they realize how close he is to them. “There’s no way out, here! I’m going to press the button, Technoblade is going to summon withers because he’s the goddamn traitor, and Dream’s just going to sit back and watch and be just as untouchable as he always is.”

Wilbur takes another step closer to them, laying a hand on their shoulder, and though he’s only barely taller than them, those two inches feel like two miles, with the way he looms.

“I’ve been to this room, over and over again! Seven or eight times, I’ve been here, staring at this fucking wall and the fucking button, and I-!” He runs his free hand roughly over his face, and Eret sees something suspiciously like tears in his eyes.

“I can’t do this, Eret. I’ve given so much for this country, everyone has, and there’s just nothing left. I’m so tired, Eret. I’ve lost so much of myself to this.”

Eret raises their hand slowly, telegraphing the motions so Wilbur can pull back if he wants, and puts it over the one he’s placed on their shoulder.

They take a step and they’re basically touching him, and carefully, carefully, they reach their other arm around him until they’re embracing.

It’s not quite a hug, really. The position is a bit too awkward, especially with both of them barely fitting in the tiny room, but it’s close.

Wilbur stays tense, but he doesn’t push them away, doesn’t tell them to let go.

They hope it helps him, hope they’re right and he needs as much as it seems, and the evidence doesn’t seem to contradict that hypothesis.

It’s good, that this has worked. Good that they were able to convince him, to make him realize this isn’t the answer.

Click.

A moment of silence.

Wilbur laughs, a real laugh, not a pale imitation fed by anger and self loathing, and keeps laughing for nearly a full minute before he regains his composure.

“Oh, Eret,  you bastard.” He says, and they can hear the smile in his voice. “You broke the redstone, you glorious motherfucker.”

It’s then that Eret realizes what just happened.

Wilbur had used the hug as a cover to place a button on the wall and press it, not realizing all the TNT near the room was safely in their inventory.

That fucking prick.

Eret laughs then, too, fueled half by the sheer fear of realizing Wilbur actually did it, actually pressed the button, and it was only their having broken it that stopped L’manburg being blown up again, but the laugh is also coming from the desperate, desperate relief they feel because even if they didn’t succeed in convincing him, even if they didn’t change his mind, they still stopped him from making their mistake.

“Why even try to talk me out of it, if you already made it so I couldn’t?” He asks, bemused.

“I can’t exactly stop you from getting more TNT and trying again, can I?”

Wilbur tenses against them, before they continue.

“Please don’t, Wilbur. I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish with it, but… give yourself a chance to heal, please. Schlatt is dead, and even if you’re right, and Technoblade is the traitor, no one is going to let him destroy this. Even if he breaks every block of this nation, we’ll put it back, because this place has never been the builds, or the podium, or the walls,”

“L’manburg is the people, and we’re not going anywhere,”

#dream smp #dsmp #dream smp fanfiction #dsmp fanfiction #wilbur soot #eret #wilbur soot fanfiction #eret fanfiction #november 16th #my writing #hurt/comfort

[theywontletmebeprincipal]

can you give me drowsy headcanons, ramble, or anything please, i am so deprived. do not be afraid to make it super long, the more the better, i just love drowsy chaperone and love to hear other people (plus you’re one of the only people i’ve seen who knows a lot abt it)

ASK AND YE SHALL RECIEVE

I’ll divide this into a few different parts, going from least to most excruciatingly sad :)

1. general headcanons

2. in canon things i noticed and think about daily

3. a full analysis of man in chair’s connections with the drowsy chaperone as an in universe show (trigger warning for abuse ment, alcoholism ment, suicide ment)

SECTION ONE: HEADCANONS

- okay the chaperone is trans I don’t make the rules

- also her name is ambrosia :) she forsook her last name :)

- she’s about 12 years older than janet and kinda hung with janet’s family after leaving her own for a while . essentially she’s a big sister to janet

- aldolpho has some lines where he asks if the bride is big and/or burly and while in canon this is supposed to show he’s kind of a womanizer I like to believe it’s because he was fully prepared to fight her if needed

- speaking of which Of Course janet is ripped she does gymnastics

- my batshit crazy headcanon for this show is that dee dee allen from the prom is a descendant of roman bartelli no I will not elaborate

- is aldolpho one of those bitches with pets that definitely shouldn’t be legal? yessir

- post show kitty becomes a star okay I just want her to be happy

- the “pastry chefs” do discover a love of baking post show and now run a shop along with performing in feldzeig’s follies which might maybe be a front for some crime too

- TRIX DROWSY AND ALDOLPHO WORLD TRAVELING POLYCULE CAUSING PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE

- underling’s name is james I will not elaborate on this either

- show never says what trix does so I’ve decided she’s an explorer. she charts maps and punches colonialists and drags her stupid friends along with her, the only bitch in the show with a braincell

- drowsy was a former vaudeville child star pre transition - she left the business but was a mentor to janet

- I do have a headcanon for mic’s name but in the spirit of every actor who’s ever played him I won’t fucking tell

SECTION TWO: SHIT I NOTICED

- robert refers to himself by full name a lot of the time which is v interesting given he’s named after the writer, bob martin (whose wife is also named janet van de graaf). the real bob martin is like five feet away at all times playing mic

- idk how to describe it but the dynamic kitty and feldzeig (VICTOR felgzeig. we have a name from one (1) line) have when talking to each other is so snappy and funny and good

- aldolpho’s lines in spanish are mostly romantic bullshit but his first one hints that he has/had a wife who, if we’re taking the translation literally, refused to touch him. yeah I’ll bring this up in analysis

- the “pastry chefs” provide liquor for the wedding even though it has absolutely no relevance to their mission of stopping it :)

- drowsy is like. SUPER endearing towards janet and despite her bad social skills it’s super clear she cares a lot about her

- robert speaks fluent french apparently

- everyone says “ew” after aldolpho reveals his affair with drowsy despite her being a certified milf

- the body language of drowsy in the end of the show where she takes mic’s hands and breaks the barrier between reality and fiction is just so good. she was iconic the whole show but I honestly think this final bit is what won beth leavel the Tony in the end

SECTION THREE: OH NO

before diving into the way the drowsy chaperone affects his character, we need to understand what exactly it’s playing off of. to fully understand mic’s attachment to the drowsy chaperone, we need to outline what led him to isolating himself and living in fiction to the extent that he does.

mic’s father left his family at an early age and his semi estranged alcoholic mother was the one who began his love for theatre. mic grew up in a broken household and eventually moved on to land in a one sided marriage, which lasted a few months until he slipped up and expressed his discomfort with the situation, after which he and his wife split. nowadays, he lives alone in his apartment surrounded by records he uses to escape to a better life - his favorite of which being the one his mother gave him, the drowsy chaperone.

symbolism in the drowsy chaperone regarding mic’s life can be split into two main categories - mommy issues and internalized homophobia. there isn’t nearly as much mom symbolism as there is the latter, so I’ll cover that first.

drowsy covers both bases, but she definitely has some undeniable mom symbolism going on. drowsy marries aldolpho and mom dreams of being swept off her feet by a latin lover, both feel they’ve wasted their chances at love, both drink to forget, etc. this is where the idea of the drowsy chaperone being mic’s ideal way for things to work out, a positive parallel, comes into play. given that we don’t hear too much about mic’s mom other than her connections to major life events and the record itself, we can assume they grew apart in one way or another. the key difference is that drowsy finds a happy relationship for herself and retains her bond with janet, unlike what we’re led to assume mom was like.

further elaborating on the drowsy chaperone representing mic’s ideal fantasy version of events is the wedding the drowsy chaperone’s plot centers around. here’s a list of the things that didn’t stop that damn wedding:

- a minister not showing up

- the groom cheating on the bride with the bride

- the bride having a complete mental breakdown

- indirect mafia interference

- direct mafia interference

on the flip side, what little mic says about his wedding indicates it sucked absolute ass. he spent the entire ceremony in internal distress as he went through with a life changing event he, at that point, knew at least a bit that he didn’t want. I think he also implies he had severe diarrhea on the wedding day? it gets worse when you realize mic’s relationship before the wedding wasn’t any good for him either - he was playing along the whole time because it would be cruel not to, right?

throughout the show, mic is pretty clearly shown as an extremely repressed gay man. there are five specific instances that point at romantic and/or sexual attraction to men directly and another moment outside of his commentary that pretty much confirms it if you look a little bit deeper. thus, here is what I propose - to mic, the drowsy chaperone’s wedding plot represents a world where he was able to ignore that part of himself and have a happy marriage with his wife despite all the overwhelming obstacles thrown at him. however, bits and pieces of that internalized homophobia manage to show themselves throughout the drowsy chaperone anyway despite its happy ending. here’s a rundown on a few significant instances:

- by the end of the show, the “pastry chefs”, who had literally been planning to kill feldzeig, have left their life of crime to perform with him. this symbolizes how in mic’s ideal world he would have been able to turn away from what he perceived at the time as living wrongly - his homosexuality

- at the same time, the “pastry chefs” have this line, spoken in regards to janet: “if she gets married and leaves the show... there ain’t no show.” this is a take on mic’s subconscious concern that he might lose himself if he goes on with his marriage pretending everything is alright - of course, as we already know, he doesn’t listen

- “cold feets” is a pretty obvious instance of mic’s hesitation

- aldolpho’s line in spanish regarding the wife who won’t touch him flips to reflect on mic’s treatment of his own ex wife - she was alien to him as a lover, just as aldolpho was to this woman

- janet recalls her meeting robert at a point in the show and states “we spooned, briefly, then he proposed.” though mic’s relationship pre marriage was much longer than that, it must have felt that way to him - just as quick and nonsensical as janet describes

- just as janet is caught in showbiz but has a toxic love for it, so does mic with his own repressed life

- janet has a line in “show off” that alludes to her experiencing harassment/assault: “I don’t wanna be cheered no more/ praised no more/ grabbed no more/ touched no more/ loved no more” , which I believe represents the way mic perceived his intimacy with his wife - labeled as love yet unenjoyable for him

- “I look into his eyes... I get all woozy. and that’s... love, isn’t it?” is another very clear nod to mic’s misconception of love based off the only thing he’s ever experienced, relationships with women he’s had to fake

- this is the part where I tell you the lyrics to toledo surprise are a metaphor for actively suppressing gay thoughts. I’ll just leave you with “if it tries to rise; don’t let it”. these lyrics are not comprehensive enough to make a dish - trust me, I have tried. it’s also notable that they serve a double entendre as instructions on how to beat the shit out of someone, but several lyrics are also directed towards the singer/audience. for example: “it’s a snap/ try it folks/ whip your whites/ split your yolks” is an easy metaphor for the unhealthy mental gymnastics required to repress oneself so wholeheartedly

it’s also worth noting the obvious just for the sake of it - mic copes with all this by isolating himself in a safe spot where he can use musicals to escape and live his ideal fantasy, even if it’s only for a short time. there are plenty of nods to this throughout the drowsy chaperone as well. in “as we stumble along” drowsy notes that “the best that we can do is hope a bluebird/ will sing a song/ as we stumble along” - to mic, musicals are his bluebird. while mic mostly indulges in these fantasies, he knows to a certain extent the sheer amount of time he’s spending in them is unhealthy. the first line of the show is “I hate theatre” and I think that to an extent? he does. obviously mic loves theatre as a concept, that can’t be denied. what he hates is the way he’s allowed it to confine him.

with all that out of the way, let’s move on to the most important moment of the show. if you’ve ever seen the show, you’ll know exactly which scene I’m talking about immediately. I’m referring to, of course, the infamous “l-ve while you can” scene. as janet stands at the alter she asks drowsy for one final word of advice, which is partially obscured by aldolpho dropping his cane. “l-ve while you can.” it’s a simple moment, but mic reveals to us that he’s been agonizing over it for years - did drowsy say “live” or “leave”? it occurs to everyone eventually, whether a couple days after the show like with me, or years after like with bob martin’s replacement on broadway that the most likely answer is that she had said “love while you can”. it’s this moment, when you realize why mic had never seen that as an option, that the drowsy chaperone’s status as a musical within a comedy within a tragedy is solidified. mic had no love in his life - his parents hated each other and he was forcing himself into relationships in which he felt nothing. to him, living and leaving were options, but loving never was. so he locked himself away.

as the final note on the record is playing, all power in mic’s apartment shuts down and the fantasy is ruined. the superintendent arrives and further invades his space, breaking the private sanctity he had built up for so long. she fixes the power and before mic can stop it from happening, the final note of the record plays. and the super recognizes it as a musical. she makes a remark about how much her wife loves musicals and leaves, completely unaware of what she’s just done.

mic sits in silence for a while. and then he begins to sing. gradually, the cast members begin to echo their songs, dancing around him but never touching him. then drowsy appears and sings harmony to mic. and she takes his hands. the show ends with the entire cast, including mic, taking off on trix’s airplane as the curtain falls, drowsy handing mic his record as the plane takes off.

some people interpret the ending as mic committing suicide, finally deciding between live and leave. I don’t personally believe that and neither does writer and original mic bob martin, but it’s still a valid interpretation. the drowsy chaperone’s ending is ambiguous, yes, but not to that extent. no matter what you believe the ending means, it was brought on not by the interruption of the fantasy, but by whatever realization the super’s remark about her wife triggered. as I see it, there are two main options here.

option one - mic realizes he still has time to live and to love. when he was younger the prospect of living as himself was unthinkable to him, yet now he sees that while he was spending countless years alone the world grew. drowsy offers mic her hand, an invitation to finally become what he had admired in her - someone who isn’t anywhere near perfect, but is damn well trying and living life without regret. he accepts.

option two - mic realizes that while he spent years alone the world moved on without him and he’s isolated himself so much from social interaction that he’d no longer be able to make a meaningful connection with anyone outside. so he stays inside instead, never trying, always trapped between live and leave. drowsy offers mic her hand - at least he’ll have a tune to carry with him.

I really want to believe we got option one. I think option one is the intended, really, given mic ends the show with a joyful goodbye to the audience. but the way that the ending is still left open for interpretation makes it so that we can never really know - we as the audience only get to be privy to a small part of mic’s life, and we don’t get the answers we want because at the end of the day they’re irrelevant to us - all we can do is make our own choice.

#the drowsy chaperone #musical theatre #musicals #broadway #musical meta #man in chair

[mckinlily]

Filed under “Things that never would have made it into Voltron even with competent writers but I WANT”: Pidge and Shiro make morbid jokes together. And everyone else HATES it.

It starts with Shiro. He still disappears at the end of season 2, but instead of actually dying he’s “inconveniently dematerialized.” It takes some time for the team to figure out how happened and what to do (not a whole full 4 seasons though), and there’s some nice character development blah blah blah before they re-materialize his body and bring him back--NO murdered clones, thank you very much. It’s a lovely reunion, many tears, much joy.

But Shiro did essentially get ripped from his body and existed as a spirit entity in the astral plane and while that’s not quite “death”...it’s also not exactly not. At the very least, it’s also something that the human brain is not equipped to handle. And since Shiro is already maxed out on “things the human brain is not equipped to handle” and he can’t exactly process right now because--hello? war going on here? team of teenagers? other bonus trauma? he deals with the only coping mechanism he sees available to him: making excessive jokes about his “death.”

Bleeding out? Hey, I already died once. Hasn’t slept in a week? No different from when I was dead. Looks like death? Haha, nah, death looks totally different. Paladins won’t stop bickering. All. The. Time? I did not die and come back for this.

(The reaction to that last one was...bad. Shiro did not properly appreciate how deeply his disappearance affected his team because he’s traumatized and stupid like that, and oh crap, he did not meant to re-traumatize his team, he didn’t mean it, please stop crying--

For then on, Shiro keeps the “I didn’t die for this” jokes to when he’s mildly inconvenienced by the broken food goo machine or other inanimate objects.)

Eventually, Keith assures the rest that Shiro’s sense of humor has always been terrible and it’s something they’re just going to have to learnt to live with. No one likes Shiro’s death jokes, but they’ve come to accept they love Shiro so they’re just going to have to love him with his terrible jokes.

And then Pidge gets hurt.

It’s a mission-turned-trap, and Pidge finds the bomb soon enough warn everyone else, but there isn’t time for her to get out the control room herself. When they find her...it’s bad. They really aren’t sure she's still alive at first, and it’s touch and go for a while, panicking while they rush to get her to the Castle, and before they can get her to a pod, her heart stops. CPR does nothing, and finally Allura is able to shock her back with alchemy mumble-jumble, but for a minute there, Pidge was dead. It’s the worst injury anyone’s taken (and this includes Shiro not-dying), and everyone’s glued to the pod praying she’ll make it out of it okay.

Everyone’s a little scared and traumatized when Pidge makes it out--Pidge is scared and a little traumatized too--and at first it’s all hugs and cuddles and reassurance. They’re here. She made it. Everyone’s alive. And look, Pidge loves her space family. She literally almost died (actually did die, for a second) for them. But Pidge doesn’t do coddling, and she can only hold out with the coddling for so long before something breaks. And finally, after someone (Hunk, she knows it was Hunk), steals her headphones for the fifth time in two days, she bursts out with, “Just because I died doesn’t mean you get to keep my stuff!”

And the thing is...thing is, once you start making “I died” jokes, it’s addicting. She can’t stop. And at first Shiro hates it--Pidge nearly died on his watch; the guilt is eating him. But Pidge keeps joking with this special smile at him like “You know exactly what I’m talking about” and damnit, Shiro does. He knows exactly what she’s doing, and despite his best intentions, the guilt starts to fade away and the next time he makes a dark comment, she joins in because she gets it.

It’s not about not caring what happens to you or wanting to die. It’s about their lives being fragile and terrifying and unpredictable, and sometimes all you could do is throw it back at the universe with sharp smiles and gleaming teeth that say “I’m not afraid.” And Pidge, brave, clever, sharp Pidge, gets it.

Shiro always knew his humor was tragically under appreciated. Pidge is delighted with what she sees as her opportunity to worm her way into position as Shiro’s favorite paladin (no, favorite space sister is NOT good enough). And now that there’s two of them, they can play off each other and exactly NO ONE is happy with the results. 

“Do you WANT to die?” yells Hunk during one battle. “Because this is we end up dead if that’s what you want!”

“Eh. Death’s not all it cracked up to be.”

“Tried it once. Didn’t stick.”

“SHIRO, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING!”

And at breakfast in the morning:

“How are you, Pidge?”

“Good. I think I died again for about two hours last night.”

“Nice. I was probably dead for four.”

“SLEEP! IT’S CALLED SLEEP YOU TWO, AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY YOU BOTH NEED MORE!”

So yeah, they’re both messed up and in need of serious therapy when they finally make it back to Earth, but for now they have each other and that special gleam when they lock eyes and know they’re about to say something that will make the others scream. They have someone they don’t need to be good for and the special delight of knowing in that moment someone gets you.

After all, what do they have to be afraid of? Death hasn’t stopped them yet.

#shiro #pidge #voltron #vld #shiro and pidge friendship #mckinlily writes: vld fic