#I can't remember where it comes from but something far away in my childhood

[heich0e]

suna's parents divorced when he was eight.

he doesn't remember a lot of the finer details as he's gotten older, mostly just that there used to be a lot of yelling, but he does remember the two piles of belongings that stacked up in the empty living room of his childhood home: one consisting of his father's and his own, and the other comprised of his mother's and his little sister's. their entire life, their entire family, packed up into cardboard and then divided down the middle.

the apartment he moved into with his father was always too quiet. it was in aichi, far enough away from where he spent the first decade of his life that he didn't have to be reminded of it every time he left the house, but since his father worked so much it still left him with plenty of time to think. to grieve. though maybe he didn't recognize it as that at the time. he played video games his father bought for him after school. ate convenience store bentos or whatever leftovers were set aside for him in the fridge for dinner. he put himself to bed at night. it wasn't a bad life, though maybe a bit lonely.

he was scouted to play for inarizaki when he was 14.

the lonely apartment turned into a lively dorm. he had new friends (his teammates) to play video games with. his convenience store bentos were replaced with hot meals from the meal hall. the loneliness of the apartment in aichi was a distant memory, but still lingered.

"i'm home."

rintarou drops his training bag in the genkan as he toes off his shoes, calling into the apartment to announce his return.

"welcome home!" you call back from further in the apartment, and the sound makes him smirk a little to himself.

you've been coming over to his place a lot lately, ever since he gave you his spare key. he's not upset about this in the slightest, but it doesn't mean he won't take every possible opportunity to tease you for it. he plans how he's going to make fun of you as he pads into his home towards the sound of your voice. he almost has it all planned out—his delivery on the very tip of his tongue—when he falters to a stop.

"how was your day?" you ask him without looking up from what you're doing.

and suddenly, anything rintarou may have wanted to say—joke or otherwise—is beyond him.

he watches as you set a plate of food down on the already full table just off his little kitchen. the food that covers the surface is still hot enough that steam curls up into the air above it, its preparation perfectly timed to his arrival home. his apartment is warm, and smells good, and there's music playing from your cellphone on the other side of the room that you must have been listening to while you cooked.

his chest feels tight.

you turn to look at him when he doesn't respond to your question.

"rin?" you ask again, a lilt of worry in your tone. "you okay?"

"what's all this?" he manages to ask, nodding towards the table where the meal you prepared is still waiting.

"oh, i've been craving my mom's recipe for the past few days, i just thought i'd make it for dinner," you say, tugging at your fingers nervously. your entire countenance is a bit different now, strained like you're worried you've done something wrong. "hope that's okay?" your words lift at the end like a question.

rintarou's never seen so much food on his table. can't remember the last time he even sat there to eat a meal—let alone a home cooked one. his face feels hot, and his eyes sting, and he just can't bring himself to look at you.

"yeah," he says, and if you notice how his voice is a bit croaky, you're nice enough not to tease him about it. "'course it's okay."

you smile, and you look relieved. "wash your hands then, it's getting cold."

you eat your dinner together and talk about your days. you take a shower while he cleans up the dishes. you fall asleep tangled up together on the couch with a movie playing in the background.

his home isn't quiet anymore. he isn't lonely.

and it's thanks to you.

#suna x reader #suna rintarou x reader #hq drabble #hq writing

[rhey-007]

I can't help falling in love with you

serial killer!Max Verstappen x reader || 18+

Summary: Moving back to your childhood house was never in your plans, but after your parents' death you couldn't let go of it. After moving in and meeting your new neighbor everything seemed to fall apart, but you're too oblivious to notice the obvious.

Warnings/Tags: 18+, GORE (gutting), mentions of smut, kidnapping, restraining, torture, violance, female reader, creepy/jealous/yandere Max

A/N: It's Halloween y'all! So I decided to write a Halloween horror story :)) It's the first time I wrote something like this but I feel like it's good. And I've been writing it for past 2 weeks and can't seem to finish so there will be a part 2 on Sunday 😭 + sorry for typos 😬

Wordcount: 4364

P2

༶❃.✮:▹💀◃:✮.❃

Moving back to your childhood house was never in your plans. But there you were, standing in front of the small, falling appart house taking a deep breath and opening the creeking door. The noise was so loud you could bet the whole street heard it.

After one last breath you slowly walked in. The inside looked just as you remembered, but old, dirty and dusty. Family photos hanged where they always did – you were surprised your parents haven’t taken them down after you left – an old bouquet of dead flowers stood on the welcoming console – you already planned on keepping them as you loved collecting dried flowers.

Walking further in you noticed your old drawings still hanged on the fridge door – neither of them dirty or ripped – as well as all your magnets from various family trips. In the living room your baby blanket layed on the sofa.

It surprised you, everything as for right now showed that your parents never forgot about you even though you didn’t have any contact. You wondered if your room looked the same as you left it, and it did. You always thought your parents would change it into a home gym or something like that but it was left untouched, only your favourite teddy bear was missing.

Roaming the house further you’ve found it in your parents’ bedroom on the nightstand. Tears started to fill your eyes, you were so cruel for them for the past few years and they never forgot about you, even tried to have you as close as they could even though you were far, far away. Warm hands creeping around your waist shook you out of your trance.

“Hey, it’s okay...”

Your boyfriend George whispered and placed a kiss on top of your head before spinning you around and pressing against his chest into a tight hug. A few tears fell down your cheeks, wetting George’s shirt but he didn’t mind. You were greatful you had him, especially in such hard times.

After you calmed down the two of you went back downstairs to bring inside your suitcases and boxes with stuff. A young man, new neighboor, caught your eye when you left.

He was mowing the grass, or rather struggling with turning on his old lawnmower, and he noticed you too. He gave a sheepish smile and scratched the back of his neck while a soft blush appeared on his face. You chuckled a little and asked George to come over with you and offer help.

The man agreed with a sigh and soon you were standing in front of your neighbours house. It was way bigger and prietter than yours, which made you wonder and imagine what it looked like inside. It looked like a mansion outside so you thought it had to look so bougey inside too.

“Hi, we’re your new neighbours. Well... kind of... I lived here as a kid”

You explained quickly with a sweet smile.

“I’m Y/N and this is my boyfriend George, can we help you?”

You introduced yourself and George before offering help which the man reluctantly agreed to.

“I’m Max, nice meeting you. And I’m sorry for the problem... I really need to buy a new lawnmower but don’t really have time...”

Max sighed and smiled awkwardly at you while George tried to turn on the machine and you chatted with Max. He moved in a few years ago so he might have known your parents.

He admitted he was an owner of quite a big company, that was why he lived in such a luxury but you wondered why he opted for a small house in the suburbs instead of a flat in the middle of the town. He on the other hand, found out that you were a daughter of his late neighbours.

“They were good people”

He said, but you knew better. Max watched you closely as you talked, watched how your dimples showed when you smiled, how your ginger hair shined in the sun, how you fiddled with your fingers as if you were anxious but your demeanor said otherwise. Just in those few minutes the man was able to memorise your behaviour and ticks.

After a few tries and some digging in the engine, your boyfriend finally turned the machine on.

“There you go buddy”

He smiled kindly.

"Now excuse us, we gotta head back to unpacking”

He politely excused yourselves before leaving.

“I wish I could help but knowing my luck if I turn this shit off right now I won’t be able to turn it back on later. But! Maybe you could come over and eat supper with me and my friend? Will 6pm be okay?”

“Oh um... I-I'm not sure... We don’t want to be a burden...”

“Oh you wouldn’t, believe me. Daniel loves meeting new people and I could pay off the debt... Sooo? “

"I’ll have to ask George but I’m sure he’ll agree”

“Great! Then see ya later, good luck!”

“Good luck to you too!”

You waved goodbye before rushing off to help George with a heavy box. He insisted on carrying it in by himself, but you knew better to not let him or he’d break something, again...

༶❃.✮:▹💀◃:✮.❃

By the time the evening came you were done cleaning almost the whole house and unpacking just the most necessary things. George wasn’t keen on eating supper with the newly met neighbour and his friend but you’ve managed to convince him with a fun time afterwards. It always worked.

You changed from your house clothes to something more suitable but still comfortable for a meeting and left dragging your boyfriend behind yourself. You didn’t even manage to knock or ring the doorbell when a tall, dark haired man opened the door and let you in.

"I’m Daniel. You’re new neighbours right?”

He greeted eagerly, shaking your hands like crazy. The man was full of energy which terriffied you a little, but it quickly changed further into the night.

“Daniel don’t scare them!”

Max’s voice rumbled in the kitchen .

“Come in, don’t be scared. He’s just excited! "

Walking into the kitchen you could finally take a good look at the interior. It was just how you imagined it to. Modern with a hint of vintage, light walls, golden chandelier hanging above the glass table and fully equipped and up to date kitchen – which you could only dream about. It was beautiful.

You sat down by the table after George pulled a chair for you, as he always would. You’d never thought you’ll find yourself a true gentleman but there he was, all yours. Inhaling the scent of the dish made you remember about saturdays at home.

Your mom used to always make lasagna on saturdays, it was so delicious, you remembered it’s taste even now when you haven’t eaten it for years – and you won’t anymore. Max sitting in front of you with a huge smile made you realize the table was fully set and Daniel and George already started to eat.

“Something wrong?”

The man asked quietly to which you responded with a slight shake of your head and a smile, before trying the food. It was delicious, so delicious you couldn’t believe the blonde made it.

„Homemade or ordered? "

Asking bluntly you felt George's elbow poke your side. It wasn't really polite from you but Max didn’t care.

„Homemade. I know it tastes too good, but I tried my best and it paid off”

The man admitted. He wasn’t affected badly by your question, instead responded with a warm smile that didn’t seem to ever fall. Your honesty impressed while your beauty amazed him.

The supper was enjoyable. Daniel turned out to be a really sweet guy, just a little overjoyed, considering the fact he scared you a tad at first.

Following the meal came board games and wine, even though George wasn’t happy to compete with Max against you and Daniel, but you kind of addpoted the tall man. He was too cute to ignore, making your boyfriend hella jelous, but you were going to recompensate him that later anyway.

The two of you won every round of whatever game, which didn’t please Max. You could see it. You could see the way the vain on his forehead throbbed while he struggled with George, how his hands curled in fists every time Daniel laughed at him, but he tried not to explode as best as he could.

You felt bad for the blonde. Daniel later explained that he was a bad looser but worked on it and that such session was good for him. It made you feel relieved at least a little bit.

When the night started to fall and more and more yawns escaped your lips George decided that it was time to leave. You reluctanlty got up and gave Daniel a huge goodbye hug before shaking Max’s hand and leaving the mansion with George’s arm wrapped around your waist.

When you made it to your new bedroom – which was an old guest room – you insisted on pleasing your boyfriend just as you promised, even though he said you didn’t have to as he knew you were tired. But you were too stubborn and soon George layed underneeth you half naked as you undressed yourself, his hands roaming your body.

Sitting up the man wrapped them around your waist pulling you closer while his lips planted soft kissed along your jaw then down your torso. You couldn’t bother to close the curtains, no one could see you anyway, especially in the dim light of your small nightstand lamp.

But a feeling of someone watching you was constantly appearing in the back of your head.

After you, left also Daniel, leaving Max alone in his huge house - as always. The man didn’t feel alone in it, not anymore knowing that a beautiful and georgous woman like you lived just across the street.

Instead of cleaning the mess Max made his way upstairs to his master bedroom. Not turning on the light but instead opening the curtains letting the moonlight in, the man sat on his bed watching every your move, trying to remember every detail about your body and how it moved.

He wished he was the one laying on the bed, surveying your body, touching your soft, pale skin as you undressed, instead of your stupid boyfriend.

The blonde couldn’t believe someone like George was able to pull you, such a sweet and mesmerizing creature. Have you not noticed his humongous, terrifying eyes staring into your soul? It was quite long since someone caught Max’s eye the way you did. All of them were awlays already taken, but not for long...

༶❃.✮:▹💀◃:✮.❃

A few months passed since you moved back to your childhood house. Those few months were very calm and enjoying although you always had a feeling someone watched you. Watched your every step, every move, everything you did. Also some of your things started to disappear, or maybe it was just your amazing ability to loose them.

All the free time you had, you used to bring the building back to life. It looked way better than before. Fresh, pastel yellow paint graced the outdoors walls, pots filled with red flowers hanged from the ceiling on the porch, a white, wooden swing sat there too.

The only thing you still had to work on was the lawn, but you needed George’s help who worked longer hours than you, coming back home late in the evening, drained from life and any energy.

You told him multiple times to change the job as the money wasn’t adequate to working hours nor the amount of things he did, but he refused saying he won't be able to find a better one.

Sometimes you wondered if he enjoyed the work and exhaustement, that's why he refused to leave. Him not having a job wouldn't have changed much anyway, you've earned more than him anyway and your salary alone was able to cover all the expenses.

Max saw that too. He noticed how you struggled alone with the lawn, just to quickly give up and go back inside, how you did all the chores around the house by yourself which clearly pissed you off.

He noticed that your boyfriend came back home late, not able to please your needs or at least talk with you. If it was him on George's place he wouldn’t care if he was tired or not, instead being all over you the moment he came back home, doing everything you needed him to and more, talking with you about everything and nothing.

He couldn’t let you suffer because of him. No... He had to do something about that.

One night George didn’t come back home at all, which made you worry. He could either be cheating on you or something happened, there was no other option.

To addition to your worry he didn’t answer your calls nor texted back. It was midnight when you heard a car pulling up, you shot up from the couch and run up to the window just to be disappointed immediately.

It was just Max coming back from work. It was weird though, he never came back so late. You sighed and decided to call it a day and try to contact your boyfriend the next day. But he didn’t answer then either, nor the next day.

You finally decided to go to the police station and report his missing. They took it immediately and they assured you they’d try their best to find him. But they didn’t succeed...

༶❃.✮:▹💀◃:✮.❃

That day George was back home way before you, wanting to surprise you with a dinner he was about to make, then try to clean the house as much as he could.

He walked into the house, not bothering to lock the door behind himself, then stepped into the kitchen and dropped the bags full of ingredients onto the kitchen counter.

After changing into home clothes, George started to prepare everything needed for the spaghetti, when he felt a huge pain in the back of his head and his vision went black.

The man woke up after a few hours, to the sound of classical music and sharpening knives. He tried rubbing his head, but was restrained, tied to a chair in a dark basement.

„You finally woke up Georgie”

Russell heard a voice say, but was unable to tell who the person standing in front of him was, because of the darkness. The lamp hanging above his head barely lightened him, not reaching far into the room. The man walked up to George and put his sharp knife under his chin, making him look up.

„You thought one dinner would be able to recompensate Y/N all the time she has to spent to keep the house in a good condition?... "

A sharp laugh vibrated through the room, until it suddenly stopped and the knife pressed against George's neck.

„You're funny "

The strange man stepped closer to George, the light finally hitting his face. Max smiled maniacally, he was going to have whole lotta fun...

Russell’s head hit the metal table, almost knocking him out before Max splashed cold water onto his face.

„Uh, uh, uh. No sleepin, we haven’t even started "

The man strapped him down then approached a trolley, his fingers running through the various torture tools he owned.

„What should I use first... "

Max wondered out loud while George tried to release himself, without success.

„Wha-what do you even want from me?! What have I done?! "

He screamed into the dutch'es face after he turned around, holding a pair of scissors then cutting George’s sweater in half.

„Oh you know well what you've done. If you were smart enough, you'd notice I even said it”

The man could feel Max's cold finger run down his chest to his abs. He picked back his knife and pressed it to George’s stomach, pushing it slowly in and listening how the man screamed in pain.

When the knife was deep enough, he made a sharp move, opening him up and revealing his intestinal tract.

„Looked at these beauties... "

Max peaked inside, opening the wound more and more while Russel choked on his tears. He breathed heavily, which was hard because of the toument, fear spreading through his whole body.

„Is this really... J-just about me... Not having time?... "

He managed to choke out while looking down his body, the sight made him sick. Max's fingertips were already covered in blood, from touching the intestines, his lips spread in a horrific smile, eyes shining in awe at the sight.

„I knew... I knew there was something wrong with you... You better stay... Stay away from her! "

He tried to fight, but the slightest move turned into an unbearable agony.

„Well... It's not like you’re gonna do anything about this lover boy. Not anymore at least... "

Max shrugged and flashed George his white teeth then his hand dipped inside his stomach to soon pull out the large intestine. Russell cried out in pain, closing his eyes which angried Verstappen.

Throwing the organ to the ground he opened his eyes with force. He clipped his eyelids pulling them softly out so his humongous, blue eyes could stay open the whole time and watch the terror.

„You're gonna watch how I ruin you, either you like it or not... "

The man whispered into George’s ear, his hot breath made a shiver run down his spine, their eyes locked. Max's hand traveled back to the wound, slowly creeping inside.

„I want you to say it... Say sorry for your absence... "

He whispered once again before straightening up and watching George from above. He studied his face, how his nose scrunched at the pain, eyes desperately trying to close and chest rising and falling rapidly.

He liked that sight. No. He loved it. He loved to cause him pain, thinking it was fair and well deserved. The man pulled out his small intestine, inch by inch, waiting for the apology.

„I-I'm sorry okay... I-I tried... I tried... I should have... I should have changed the fucking job god!... I fucked... I know I did... But it's not a reason to kill me you psycho!”

With one sharp pull his small intestine was out and on the ground, blood splattered everywhere, some sticking to Max's face. In that moment he looked like a true serial killer and George started to fear about you.

„That's the only thing I wanted to hear. Now... See you on the other side”

With that words Max reached for George’s heart pulling it out with one go and finally killing the man. He then stripped him off the meat and the skin from the face, hanging the later made mask obove his desk.

„Well... It surely was fun... "

„Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can’t help falling in love with you... „

༶❃.✮:▹💀◃:✮.❃

It was a month since you last saw him. The first few weeks you cried yourself to sleep which hurt Max. It hurt him to look at you in that miserable state, crying over a man that didn’t even deserve you.

Weirdly, he was the only person able to fully comfort you. He invited you over for dinner or supper every day or visited you to join eating so you wouldn’t be alone, he helped you around the house – even hired a maid in the first weeks to help you.

The man was so sweet and caring, he made you forget about George by the time Christmas came. He then thought he finally had a chance with you until you appeared on his porch, holding a hand of some strange man, introducing him as your new boyfriend.

“Max, this is my new boyfriend, Sergio. Sergio, Max is my neighbour – obviously – and my close friend”

You smiled up at both men as they shook each other’s hands, Max gripping Checo’s tightly giving him a death glare. Max understood you tried to finally move on and live a normal life, but why couldn’t you move on to him?

After all those things he had done for you, all the nights he’s spent by your side, all the money he’s spent on you, you chose some stranger over him?

Blood boiled in his vains thinking about it and watched your new boyfriend hand him a Christmas gift. He accepted it only because of you, smiling sweetly when you were leaving.

‘’I don’t think he likes me...’’

Sergio whispered as you walked away but you just shook your head with a chuckle.

Checo was just as sweet as George. You tried not to compare them together but it was too hard. You've noticed they were really similar, but Checo had way more time for you than George did.

You've also noticed the change in Max's behaviour, it wasn’t anything big but after a year of your friendship you knew when something was wrong, you just couldn’t figure out what. It started when he met Sergio and from then on he was so cold towards him, not like towards George.

The vain on his forehead was about to pop every time he saw you two together, everytime you smiled because of the Mexican, every time you laughed because of him.

„Was he jealous? "

You wondered but pushed that thought aside. He couldn’t, he was your friend after all.

Sergio was a dream boyfriend, a knight on a white horse. He helped you around the house, didn’t rush your relationship letting you get used to him before doing something and most importantly he truly listened to you and didn’t ignore even the stupidest of your fears or needs, not like George.

But the dream quickly fell appart when you let down your walls and the two of you got too comfortable around each other. He moved in with you without even asking, as his landlord kicked him out.

You couldn’t understand why thought. He had a well paid job yet couldn’t affort a low budget apartment? Well, turned out he lost it some time ago and haven’t told you about it.

From that time he stayed home all the time, doing shit, occasionally leaving in the evening for a few hours. He was really stressed and frustrated, sometimes rising his voice at you when you did something wrong, but then quickly apologising and offering a massage to comfort you.

But that aslo passed rather quickly and with time his shouting became a daily thing. One day he hit you. A juicy slap across your face, leaving a red mark.

You were fighting over his shouting again but this time he didn’t hold back. That’s when you found out how he really was.

Brutal, disregarding your opinion, caring only about sex and a ‘maid’, in one word – despot. Yet he was so sweet at the beginning. You felt fooled...

You were too scared to tell anyone, so scared the man would hurt you even more and you had enough of bruises and cuts you tried so good to cover.

No one seemed to notice it, beside Max. He didn’t want to mention them though, as he figured you wouldn’t like to talk about it.

Every time he invited you over for dinner you either didn’t come because Sergio didn’t let you, or came just for a few minutes before the man burst in and dragged you back home angrily.

Max couldn’t understand why you just didn’t kick him out and leave him. Only two months after Checo started to be aggressive he disappeared. You felt so good when he didn’t come back home for a few days straight and quickly threw away all his stuff. You finally felt free...

༶❃.✮:▹💀◃:✮.❃

Kidnapping Sergio was the easiest thing ever. The man wandered through the two , eventually stopping by one if the alleys and walking in. He lit a cigarette and watched the stary sky while waiting for a dealer. Soon a car parked in front of the alley, a hooded man walked out making his way towards Checo.  

„Here” 

He handed him the money and stretched his other hand waiting for stranger to give him the drugs. The man quickly took the money then tazed Checo, getting him unconscious.  

Slowly opening his eye, Sergio grunted in pain. His body was stiff, half naked, laying on cold metal. The man looked around, the only thing he was able to see was himself, but he could hear footsteps from behind. Trying to roll his head up, he noticed his hands tied to some machine and a back of a man, quietly humming an Elvis song.  

„Well... Well... Well... Look who has finally woken up... "

The Dutch smiled from ear to ear, making his way over to Perez.  

„Verstappen?! I knew there was something wrong with you! You better let me go or-"

„Or what? "

The blonde cut in.  

„It's not like you're gonna do something about this. You can’t afterall... Besides... You deserve it” 

Max hissed turning on the machine that bit by bit started to stretch Sergio's body. The Mexican screamed, wiggling and trying to break free but was tied too hard, only giving himself more pain.  

„You son of a bitch! You're a fucking monster! "

He shouted and spat on Max's face. The Dutch frowned and only turned up the speed slightly, after wiping his face.  

„I am a monster? Maybe tell it to Y/N, after all... You were the key hurting her. Not me... Now. You better apologize” 

He hissed and increased it even more, the screams and noises of breaking bones and muscles filled his ears, they sounded like honey. But Sergio wasn’t going to apologize. Nothing was going to make him to apologize for what he'd done. He'd rather die than say it.  

„Fine... "

Max sighed unsatisfied finally raising the pace to maximum. Sergio’s body teared in half, blood splattered everywhere making the man groan in pleasure and lick the blood off his lips.  

"Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you? "

#f1 #halloween #f1 fanfiction #fanfiction #18+ fanfic #smut #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #max verstappen fanfic #cw: gore #violance #halloween story #halloween fanfic #horror #george russell #george russel x reader #checo perez #checo perez x reader #fem reader #female reader

[strayseraphine]

choice | one shot

pairing: bang chan x fem!reader

summary: The opportunity to work in the same place as your childhood best friend is a great, right? Unfortunately, it turns out that it's hard to control the emotions that have been swirling in your hearts for years when you're at arm's length. fluff, a little bit of angst, jealousy, friends to lovers, cheesy fic with our silly cute channie

The kdrama mentioned is called Tomorrow and the fic mentions about episode 5, you have been warned. Here is the song from the episode that also appears in the fic.

TW: menfions of suicide, death, depression

5 204 words

the one shot is also avaliable on ao3

bang chan masterlist | general masterlist | stranger things masterlist

Holding the handle of your suitcase tightly, you felt like a child lost in a crowd. You were breathless, and instead of slowing down, your breathing sped up and became more and more erratic.

What on earth tempted you to leave your entire life so far and fly to the other end of the world?

Then, as if on a call, a reason appeared in front of your eyes.

Despite the cap and mask covering his face, you immediately recognized him. However, not wanting to draw attention to you, you came closer and in silence went to the car, where immediately after closing the door you felt strong arms tighten around you.

"I missed you so much!" he muttered, snuggling into your neck.

"I missed you too, Channie." you laughed as you reciprocated the hug, smelling his perfume, which he had been using since you can remember. You didn't know it was possible to miss a scent that much.

"I can't believe I'm going to work with my best friend!" he said.

"First of all, you're lucky the boys can't hear it, secondly we won't."

"What do you mean we won't?"

"I, unlike you, will be locked in the office."

"But we will be in the same building! We will be able to spend our breaks together, I can bring you coffee and snacks!" he said excitedly with a wide smile on his face and squeezed your hand. You didn't complain about the fact that he didn't let go of you until the car pulled up to your new temporary home.

Two months ago, Chan called you saying that at JYP they were looking for someone for a temporary translator position. Since you were fresh out of college in the process of looking for a job, he thought you should definitely apply. Thinking little, you submitted your application.

Three weeks later, you received an invitation to an online interview, which resulted in a successful outcome and a contract signed for six months.

The experience you were able to gain working for this company was extremely valuable, but you were ashamed to admit that your main motivation for coming here was Chris. As children, the two of you were inseparable, but when he left Australia to chase his dreams both of you stubbornly made sure that contact did not disappear. When he came home on vacation you spent most of your free time together feeling as if he had never left.

Somewhere between playing together in the sandbox, sneaking out of the house for the late-night walks you used to go for when he returned to Australia during his teenage years and skipping lectures at uni just so you could spend the day and then the night with him, a strong bond formed between you.

In it there was something else to be found.

Something you both tried to ignore and push away.

Something that you were killing in each other thinking it was one-sided.

Something that you tried to keep in an iron, indestructible cage deep in your hearts.

Something that shattered the bars every time you saw each other.

The weeks at work were passing awfully fast. Your new co-workers welcomed you very warmly, meetings with Chris became your daily routine, and you felt more and more comfortable here every day. Keeping the promise, you spent all your lunch breaks together, sometimes joined by other members of the group. You quickly became part of the meetings. You even accompanied them during dance rehearsals and studio recordings. Especially Chan. Sitting with him in the studio until the morning hours and greeting sunrises together became almost a habit.

Today, however, you had the day off, while Chris had a full day of rehearsal for the gala to be held in a week's time. A strange feeling of emptiness and longing accompanied you throughout the day. You weren't afraid to admit that you were already used to his daily presence. However, you were afraid to think what will happen when you have to go back to Australia.

In order to focus your thoughts on something else after lunch you turned into a couch potato and started watching kdrama. Completely losing all sense of reality, you fully gave yourself over to the stories of the characters, which moved you to tears. You were snapped out of your trance by a phone call.

"Hello?" you said in a broken voice, not even trying to hide that you were crying. Unfortunately, the other side of the phone remained quiet and quickly hung up. Not caring much you wanted to go back to watching, but moments later Chan barged into your apartment without even bothering to knock on the door.

"Chris? what are you doing here?" you asked surprised still sobbing.

"What happened?" He asked. The sight of your heartbroken voice on the phone made his heart freeze.

"What?"

"We finished training, so I figured you were probably still awake and in the mood for something to eat, I called and heard you crying. What happened?" he explained quickly with a worried expression on his face.

"Oh god… Nothing happened! It just- It was just so damn beautifull and sad!" you laughed through your tears.

"Were you watching drama again?" he just sighed feeling small relief.

"Of course I was!"

"You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"I am sorry!" you threw a pillow in his diercion.

"Okay, okay, what was it about?" he shook his head, sitting down next to you.

"She died in a car accident, and he was someone who had to deal with a lot of deaths of his loved ones, his whole life, everyone blamed him for it! and he did nothing wrong!" you felt like your throat was shrinking. "His father blamed him for his mother's death because she died while giving birth, then when his wife died, her father also blamed him and he was in such a dark place, he wanted to kill himself, he believed them, that it was his fault!" you were ranting about character history, and he was just looking at you with a smile on his lips.

Despite the fact that your eyes were swollen and red from crying, he found something somehow adorable. Something pure. Something that made him want to hide you in his arms and kiss the tears off your cheeks. However, he quickly had to chase these thoughts away. After all, he was incapable of falling in love, wasn't he?

"And they show love in such a beautiful way here! Maybe I don't agree with "you are my whole life attitude" but in other aspects? They compare human beings to a tree, you know? People are like trees, And what matters is who makes the flowers bloom on the tree, which means your life can change depending on who you meet. At that moment she proposes to him, saying she wants to be the one to make the flowers on his tree bloom."

"A beautiful metaphor." he replied.

"Right? Later they present the red thread theory, which says that they are connected to each other and will find each other in each incarnation, which gives such a strange sense of hope! But I still think love is more of a choice than a destiny, which seems much stronger, because if I heard from someone now that I'm their whole world and their life doesn't exist without me I don't know if I'd be scared."

"How is it that you're one of the most romantic people I know, and you're afraid of such great confessions of love?" he asked.

"Imagine being in a relationship with a very toxic person, and when you want to get away from them they start threatening to kill themselves because they can't live without you. People in moments of desperation are able to go as far as anything, and love, despite the fact that it is very beautiful, can make a person very stupid." you explained.

"You are right."

"I am lucky enough to have some people who genuinely want the flowers on my tree bloom." you smiled. "You are one of them, by the way." you leaned your head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, you also take very good care of my tree." he replied without thinking. "Not only mine." he added quickly with a grunt. He began thinking about how other people feel in your company. About how there is always brightness and warmth in the room along with you. About how in his life the dark void was decorated with shining stars creating a beautiful night sky thanks to you.

"Who do you think your red thread is connected to?" you asked suddenly after a moment of silence.

"Mine?" he asked puzzled. Certainly not with the person I would like to. He thought. "Mine has probably been broken."

"I don't think so, in the show they said it only breaks at the moment of suicide. You are still here Chan, your thread surely leads to someone wonderful, as you deserve." You patted him on the knee. "Oh! there was also a very beautiful song in this episode, wanna hear?"

"Sure." He replied quietly and watched you get up from the couch to your laptop. He watched your every move, hoping to spot at least the thinnest red thread between the two of you.

"Can you focus?" Lee Know asked rolling his eyes.

"Earth to kangaroo! Where are you Chan?" added Han waving his hand in front of his face.

"I am focused, I don't know what you mean." he replied trying to defend himself.

"We have been practicing the same routine for an hour, and you are messing up the steps as if you were dancing it for the first time. " Minho squinted his eyes.

"Come on, give him a break, he is in looove." laughed Hyunjin.

"I am not!"

"We can see that there is something between the two of you, we can see how you look at her, you can't fool us, you do not look at a friend like that."

"I am not in love with y/n!" he said loudly, but without conviction. Saying those words caused him pain. Somehow saying that he doesn't love you felt wrong.

"But you know…none of us said her name out loud." said Changbin more peacefully.

"But-" Chan sighed and resignedly hid his face in his hands. For years he had pushed his feelings aside, but now that you were so close and had become an integral part of his life it was too difficult.

"Why you never let me bring her brownies that I made?" Felix laughed.

"Why do you always smile like an idiot when she sends you a photo?" I.N added.

"Let's just go back to the practice." He cut off the subject, knowing that the guys were right. Nevertheless, he knew that the moment he admitted it, nothing would be the same again, and changes can be scary.

In every job, no matter how wonderful, there are hard times. Today, some of your co-workers decided to take out their bad mood and frustration over non-functioning equipment on the team you were on. Although you knew that their bad mood was caused by the work reorganization, some unpleasant comments and remarks were particularly memorable and ruined your mood.

Due to a system failure that prevented you from working, you were told to go home before lunch, so you were not surprised to hear the sound of the phone at the hour when you usually meet.

"Where are you?" asked Chan.

"There was a system malfunction and they let us go home."

"So you won't be joining us?"

"What? Why?" Felix's voice came from the background. "But I made brownies! I brought them for you!" he took Chan's phone closer.

"Give me the phone, Felix!"

There was a commotion on the other side of the phone. You could imagine Felix running away with the phone and the guys helping him keep the leader at bay.

"Hey y/n!"

"Hey Seungmin, what's up?"

"Bang Chan misses you!" you could hear the smile in his voice.

"Tell him I miss him too," you chuckled.

"Okay, that's enough!" judging by Seungmin's mumbling and laughing, you concluded that the phone had returned to its owner.

"Talk to you later, bye!" he hung up before you had time to answer anything.

Since you had more time today, you decided to use it for cleaning, which always helped you to calm down to some extent, losing yourself in it and in the music from the speaker, you didn't know when a few hours had passed. Satisfied with your clean surroundings, you sat down on the couch, but after a while you felt a wave of fatigue hit you. With nothing better to do, you covered yourself with a blanket and fell asleep.

Unfortunately, this time the nap did not help your mood, and the sound of a knock on the door that woke you up made you even more upset. Covered with a blanket, you moved slowly toward the door. Then, as if by magic, when you saw Chan in the doorway, all your anger vanished and was replaced by…relief?

With a mournful whimper, you let your emotions carry you and without asking, you hugged him, cuddling into his chest. Surprised at first, he made no move, but he quickly woke up and you felt him embrace you. The familiar scent of his perfume created a sense of security in your mind that made every negative feeling inside you want to find an escape. Your breathing became more and more shaky as you fought back the tears that came to your eyes.

"Hey, it's okay," he said, sensing your stress. "Let it out, I'm here." His large hand began to slide up and down your back, caressing you.

"You are here." you muttered while snuggling even more into his shirt. He had the feeling that his heart was now on fire, but it wasn't the heat causing unbearable pain. It was the fire that slowly burns in the fireplace on winter evenings warming the house. Home. That's how he felt in your company.

"Come, let's sit down and you'll tell me all about it." he suggested, however, you still did not want to leave his arms. Selfishly you tightened your embrace without moving from your spot. "We can cuddle on the couch, come on." he chuckled seeing your reaction. Sitting snuggled into each other, Chan connected to the speaker and played your playlist with calmer songs in the background. It took a moment before you started to open up and talk about what had overwhelmed you today.

"I am so sorry." he murmured into your hair.

"I feel better now." you replied quietly.

"For real?"

"You are here so…yes."

A silence fell between the two of you but it was not awkward. At this level of friendship, shared silence was not something new or strange for you. The silence was broken by the sounds of another song.

"Ah, I love this song," he said. "I can't stop listening to it since you showed it to me."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it."

Along with the melody and the singer, Chan's soft and calm voice also began to spread around the room. You closed your eyes relishing the blissful moment, thinking you had found something good in this awful day. If it weren't for the nasty mood, you wouldn't have found comfort and solace in his arms.

How wonderful it would be if you could do this without any excuse?

"Do you remember when we fell asleep together like that, and Hannah took a picture of us and sent it out to all our friends and family saying that we were together?" he asked when the song was over.

"Yes," you laughed slightly at the memory.

"God, I wanted to kill her then." he also laughed.

"Why?"

"Uh, I mean its us, right? Best friends, how could anyone think we are a couple?" he replied embarrassed. This answer turned out to be a strong punch, which you had to take with clenched teeth and pretend that everything was fine.

The thing you didn't know was that what he said was just an escape from the truth. That day when everyone was congratulating you and telling you that you were finally a couple, he was afraid like nothing else that you would discover the truth about his feelings and that deep down he really wanted it to be true. Unfortunately, he did not know that you were on the same page.

Best friends, how could anyone think we are a couple?

These words haunted you for the next few days. No matter how good your mood was, they always came back ruining it instantly. They also pushed you to accepting a date to which you were invited by an employee from the marketing department. You were very often matched for joint projects, you worked very well together, you found nothing of agreement right away, but you didn't see this being blinded by Chan and your feelings for him. But since in his opinion you were just friends and had no chance to get out of this sphere, it was time to move on.

"y/n do you have any plans for tomorrow?" I.N asked, passing you in the hallway.

"I don't have until four, why?"

"We have a day off and we wanted to go shopping with Felix, why don't you go for a walk with us?"

"Sure!" the idea was good, you took it as an opportunity to buy something nice for your date.

"Cool, in that case we'll be in touch!" Maknae smiled charmingly, reminding you how similar he is to his skzoo.

"Sounds like a plan." you smiled back and returned to your desk. The rest of the day passed very smoothly and quickly for you.

Before you knew it you were already on your way to go shopping. Yeongin and Felix carefully browsed each hanger however you absent-mindedly only glanced superficially at the clothes. Your date was getting closer and closer however the less time left the more anxious and uncertain you felt. The fact that the person you were to spend the evening with was not Chan made it all seem…wrong.

How else were you able to move on?

Was it fair what you were doing now?

How would you feel if someone went on a date with you just to forget about someone else?

On the other hand, after all, that wasn't your only motive. In truth, you liked Minjun. He was handsome, kind, funny, you had many common interests, you really wanted to get to know him better.

"Earth to y/n!" the voice of Felix brought you back to reality.

"What?" you shrugged.

"Say hello to Chan!" Yeongin exclaimed happily, pointing his phone's camera at you. "We decided to show him how much fun we are having while he has to work."

"You are cruel!" at the sound of his voice you felt like you were caught in a crime. Not knowing what to do you awkwardly waved towards the camera, and then grabbed the first better dress and hid in the fitting room feeling embarrassed. What the hell is wrong with you? you thought looking at your reflection in the mirror.

"Hey, are you okay?" Felix asked lightly knocking on the fitting room door.

"Uh-yes!" you replied quickly, "I'm just trying on a dress!"

"In that case we are waiting for you to show up in it!"

The dress turned out to lie perfectly on you. The guys' assurances that you look good in it finally convinced you to the purchase.

When you got home it was time for preparations. Preparations that stressed you out even more. You tried to drown out your thoughts with music, but it was especially hard when a large part of your playlist consisted of songs by a band whose leader is the person you are trying to forget. The other part of the playlist was the songs you associated with him anyway. When you heard the first notes of Summer Flower you felt that you were in a no-win situation. If for so many years, being thousands of miles away, you had not managed to forget him how were you supposed to do it now having him at your fingertips almost every day? With a sigh you looked at the couch thinking about the moment when he held you there in his arms harmonizing his voice with the song.

What if he were here now?

What if now instead of getting ready for a date you were preparing snacks for a movie night together?

If you could spend the whole afternoon and evening cuddled up with him, holding his hand or playing with his hair if he laid his head on your lap?

Apparently, fate could read your mind, because as you combed your hair through the sound of the music a knock at the door broke through. Then you were greeted by the sight of Chris with a bag of snacks.

"I thought since I missed shopping together, we could make up for it with a marathon instead." he said dodging you at the threshold and entering the apartment.

Not knowing what to say you stared at him. The silence on your part prompted him to stop. Still not guessing anything, he noticed the brush in your hand and the knot in your hair. "Come on, let me help you." You went to the bedroom where you sat in front of the mirror. He hummed under his breath combing your hair with a slight smile on his lips enjoying this little moment. Whenever he combed your hair you laughed that he was giving you the princess treatment. That wasn't the case this time, which made him feel a little strange. "What do you feel like? a movie? kdrama? anime?" he tried to strike up a conversation. The fact that you haven't spoken a word since he came in increased this feeling.

"Chris…" Hearing your quiet, nervous voice he looked around. A dress hanging on a hanger, waiting to be put on, cosmetics scattered next to the mirror, an open jewelry box. It didn't take him long to guess that watching together today wouldn't work out.

"Are you going out somewhere?" he asked.

"I'm going on a date…" You said while sticking your gaze to the floor.

"Oh." visibly surprised, he stopped combing your hair for a moment. "Who's the lucky guy?" he asked in a forced joking tone, not wanting to make the situation seem even stranger.

"Minjun from the marketing department." you wanted to avoid looking at him at all costs. You were afraid of what you might see if you lifted your gaze. You were afraid that you would see disappointment, or worse, happiness and satisfaction that you were going out with someone else. However, if you actually looked at him you would see Channie's charming smile turn into a heartbroken expression. He could feel the jealousy building up in him, which he had to nip in the bud already. He couldn't let you notice, so he finished combing your hair as quickly as possible and left, explaining that he didn't want to disturb your preparations. You didn't protest, but something inside you was asking, begging even to tell you not to go anywhere and to stay here with him.

"I can't believe you lost to the guy from the marketing department." said Minho sitting down on the couch next to him. As soon as he left your flat he wanted to hole up in the studio however, halfway through a message about a movie marathon appeared on the group chat.

"Actually, he didn't lose because there was no competition," said Han.

"Exactly, if you had told her how you felt earlier she would have definitely chosen you" added Changbin.

"Can we focus on the movie?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Sorry hyung but this is definitely more interesting than the movie". said Hyunjin.

"You should go there and break the date." suggested Seungmin.

"Make up some excuse and call that you two absolutely must meet now!" I.N followed his idea.

"Can you guys just shut up and focus on the movie?" he asked more annoyed. There was a silence all around, which made him feel even worse. "I'm sorry…" he sighed. "I know I screwed up, but it's too late."

"We just want you to be happy." said Felix handing him a brownie on a plate.

"Even if it did work out…she doesn't deserve to hide and keep everything a secret."

"Maybe she won't mind? Maybe you can find a solution? Whatever is going on between you two has been going on for years, look how far you've come."

"Let's just focus on the movie, please."

Despite the fact that the guys had let the subject go and now the room was filled with laughter and loud comments about what was happening on the screen Chris couldn't focus at all. His head was filled with scenarios of what you can do now, did you have fun, did you let him hold your hand? hug you? kiss you? Jealousy bubbled up inside him but what could he do?

Somewhere near the end of the movie, his phone started vibrating with notifications, which he decided to ignore. Seungmin, however, annoyed by the constant vibrating, grabbed his phone to mute it but your nickname caught his attention.

"Chan you won't believe who it is." he said with a smile and started typing something.

"Who?" asked the unmoved leader, the only person he wanted to see a message from now was having a great time on a date with someone else. He didn't get an answer for a long moment.

"y/n didn't go on the date." This sentence made all the energy come back to him and he immediately snatched the phone from his hand to see the news.

c97b: why are you sending me tiktoks while being on a date? (your nickname): I am not on the date c97b: what? (your nickname): he cancelled last minute, so…

He looked at the phone in disbelief.

"Do something!" a shout from Lee Know brought him back to reality.

"This is your chance!" applauded Changbin.

Before he had time to think anything through his fingers were already running across the keyboard.

c97b: put the dress on. (your nickname): what? c97b: wear the dress, I will be there in 10.

What the hell is he doing? What will he tell you? How will he behave?

Thoughts and insecurities ate him from the inside out, and his hand was shaking when he was knocking at the door. However, when you opened it suddenly all the bad thoughts disappeared. All that mattered was how beautiful you looked now, and the struggle with the need to take you in his arms and not let you out of them.

Greeting you with a boyishly charming smile, he said it would be a shame if all your preparations for the going out went to waste. It was enough to make your disappointment with Minjun disappear. Enough for him to completely disappear from your thoughts which were once again completely possessed by your best friend.

Enjoying the last rays of sunshine today you went to the park for ice cream. You took a blanket with you to sit on the grass near the pond.

The meeting was not much different from the others, you were talking about everything and nothing, walking along the winding paths, watching the dogs playing, laughing how wonderful it would be to have little Berry here with you now and how she would love it here. The ice cream was the perfect cool down and sweetness, but Chan's showing dimples and his silly jokes were much sweeter.

Moments before sunset, you spread out your blanket and sat in silence watching the sky slowly turning orange and the sun disappearing behind the horizon directing its last warm rays at you, which you accepted with a smile.

"Thank you Channie." you said looking away from the scenery. Now you were able to notice that instead of watching the sunset, he was looking at you.

"You have nothing to thank me for." He shrugged his shoulders.

"For being there." You smiled slightly.

"I always will be." he replied without thinking.

"That's what friends are for, right?" You couldn't help the note of sadness creeping into your voice.

"y/n…" suddenly his face paled.

"What's wrong?" you asked worriedly.

"I think- I-" he began to stammer.

"Chris, whats going on?" The darkest scenarios appeared in front of your eyes, and panic rose in you.

"I think I am in love with you." he whispered.

"Oh my god-" surprised you covered your mouth with your hand. The shock on your face scared him more than it would have if your reaction had been instant rejection.

"I know, I know! But- I beg you even if you don't feel the same, let's just forget about it, I just had to tell you, finally after all these years, I couldn't hold it in anymore, but I understand that I'm just a friend to you, I don't want to lose you just because of some stupid feelings, hmp-" suddenly his ranting was interrupted by your lips. Sweet, soft lips that he had dreamed of touching for years. He had just fulfilled a scenario that had always seemed unattainable. Without wasting a moment he cupped your face making you cling even closer to him. The happiness that filled you pressed a smile to your lips that interrupted the kiss.

"If your feelings are stupid that means mine are too, because I feel exactly the same as you, you fool." you said quietly.

"I am a fool, a fool for you." he replied and kissed you again.

When you broke away from each other, this time hugging, you finished watching the sunset, which now seemed much more beautiful.

"It's gonna be hard…" he said after a moment of silence.

"Love isn't easy" you said. "b"But it's definitely worth it."

"How are we going to deal with all this?"

"We will find a solution, we always do."

"You think so?"

"Channie…" you took his hand, brought it to your lips and gently kissed the top of it. "I don't want to suddenly become your whole world, you won't be mine either, we both have separate lives, but love is not about the other person suddenly becoming the only thing we see. Love is about understanding that we both have separate worlds but we also have the desire to merge them. Love is finding a common path together."

"You are walkig hope, you know this?"

"Love is not fate, it is a choice. And that's what makes it powerful." You added again kissing his hand.

"You are my choice." he replied kissing your forehead.

No matter how crazy the collision of these worlds will be, he believed that as long as you are together everything will work out.

#bang chan #bang chan fanfiction #christopher bahng #chris bang #bang christopher chan #christopher bang #bang chan fluff #bang chan imagines #bang chan scenarios #bang chan stray kids #bang chan x reader #bang chan x y/n #bang chan x you #stray kids bang chan #stray kids fanfiction #bang chan comfort #bang chan friends to lovers #friends to lovers #choice strayseraphine #strayseraphine fanfiction #bang chan fic #stray kids fic #stray kids imagine #bang chan fanfic

[dreamofmetoday]

PICK A CARD #6: MESSAGE FROM YOUR FUTURE CHILD

this is to let you know what your future child could tell you if they could 💖

more information:

i feel inclined to remind you to only do this pick a card if you feel genuinely drawn and feel you can handle the truth. you’re not supposed to be drawn to every pick a card, so it’s normal to not be drawn to this one too.

you may also want to test your intuition and think of the relationship with one of your parents and see if it fits (i.e. "what would i have told my parent before they had me if i could have?")

you can test this out with a child you already have if you feel called.

how to participate:

ask yourself, "what would my future child tell me if they could?"

choose the photo of the sanrio plushie you feel most drawn to.

take as long as you need to choose, you can check more than one if you feel drawn to do so. however, if you are having trouble feeling called to any then this pick a card is not for you. these readings will be honest.

tip jar

1. they would want to warn you against being so mean and harsh. you run the risk of being your child's first heartbreak. even if for some reason there's circumstances where you have to leave your child (such as putting them in their grandparents care because you feel you can't parent), you need to make it clear this isn't their fault. this child will see you as emotionally neglectful and physically absent (some of you choose romantic interests over your children, so even if you're around in the same house as them you're not spending time with your child). they want to ask you to not be the first person to scar them. they also worry about having to tip-toe around you and want you to create a safe home environment, otherwise they will feel no choice but to be secretive (they will sometimes not tell you even very normal things about themselves just because they feel judged but they will also likely take a long time introducing their boyfriends or girlfriends to you, fearing your judgement). they have sympathy for you because they think you were damaged from your own childhood but they would still ask you to hurt them less. also, to remember what you say - the fact that you say mean things and then forget is hurtful.

2. they want to tell you to not be surprised if they have to cut off contact with you one day. if you continuously reject them, violate their privacy or just be continuously mean to them, they will not stick around forever - likely moving very far away (and they will not be generous with their second chances). they think you are irresponsible, for some in an extreme way (e.g. excessive drinking), and they are asking you try and become more stable before becoming their parent. you could particularly have trouble with them around the age of 15 - they are different from other kids and more awkward or insecure. they want you to not say mean things to them about it however, to remember you are the parent. it's as if you're either too harsh or you're too "cool" (this could come from you trying to be extra nice around this age after realising you were so harsh during their childhood or after something your child has gone through) and you could encourage decisions in them they regret (e.g. if they want to dropout at 15 and you think they should shouldn't, you should encourage staying in school and not let them make possible life-altering decisions so young). again, this is simply asking for responsibility from you.

3. they would ask if you could be more honest with them, to be less moody with them. you two are naturally opposites and reacting poorly to this could make them react very poorly in return (you run the risk of being your child's first heartbreak). they want to ask you to try and control them less (trying to control how they turn out). the asking for honesty is emphasised, whatever reason you think you have to lie to them so often, they're letting you know this will cause a big divide between the both of you (they will run away from you or just become secretive).

4. they want to ask you to remember to give them space, freedom and to not put so much pressure on them (try not to shelter them too harshly either). they get the feeling you live vicariously through them, or that you even want to prove you can be the perfect parent perhaps rather than just being there for them - even if you plan to do this through "healthy" means (such as, trying to copy how popular mothers on tiktok do or something since it seems so positive), they will ultimately think you are too smothering. eventually your child will start to believe they were only born to make you happy, that they are not deserving of their own autonomy (overall finding you rather cruel, hurting them slowly but deeply and surely). deep down they understand this isn't your intention but it's important for you to understand that intention is not enough. they want you to tell them you love them often.

5. they want to tell you to not be so hard on yourself (and to forgive them too). you might have a particularly hard childhood yourself or there are just other experiences and challenges you have experienced that leak into the way you parent your child. this will cause confusion in your child and they will act our or say really mean things to you - they want to tell you that when this happens to know they don’t mean it and it’s just because they are hurt and immature. they want tell you they’re not going to be able to fully understand the decisions you made or why you sometimes behaved the way you did until they’re older (or even a parent) themselves. they want to ask you to remember in these rough moments that they don’t actually want to hurt you. 

6. they want you to try and get help with your problems if possible before having them, they don't expect you to be perfect but it's possible you suffer from anxiety, depression or something else that you only know how to deal with by using unhealthy coping mechanisms (this will create an anxious environment for them where they will become a nervous and worried child or person). they want to thank you for being overall supportive of them and they want to tell you they support you too, they want you to learn to become more emotionally stable and balanced for your own sake too.

7. they want to ask you to put them first more often, to try and focus on money (or romance) less - this may be because you are simply focused on career and not losing your independence after becoming a parent, or it may even be because you plan to capitalise on them - in either case, they will start to have a very negative opinion of you (thinking of you as honestly being somewhat of a scumbag). they are letting you know that they are not an unforgiving person, they will give you a lot of chances, so they ask that you use them wisely. even when they're an adult, if you get into the habit of only going to them because you need something or because you feel guilty, they may still hold some resentment but will be open to listening to you if they can tell you have good intentions (but try to not let it get to this point).

8. overall the message is quite simple, they want to impress you and want you to let them. there is also a message here that your child is quite sensitive in general, meaning they are sensitive to your approval and disapproval and can tell when you seem bothered by them (so try not doing this too often). if you feel the need to be more strict on them to encourage good habits just remember to also show them you care and value them too. let them do things fun things, such as having friends over often. also, they ask you that if you want to leave their mother or father, to just do it - don't cheat and cause long term problems.

#pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot reading #tarot #tarotblr #pick a pile #melody tarot #pac #tarot readings #honest tarot #honest tarot reading #future child #future child tarot reading #child tarot reading

[scientia-rex]

Read some more of Toxic Parents tonight and wow!!!! the amount of anger I have!!! and the incredible unwillingness I have to actually remember my childhood and feel associated feelings!!!!! Like, there are events I keep telling over like talismans, because these are the events that prove I'm not crazy. These are things that happened that should never have happened. The time Dad kicked the door in is the biggest one. The time I spent twelve straight hours cowering in the far back of our station wagon with my fingers jammed in my ears so I wouldn't hear my father screaming at my mother and my mother sobbing as we drove to a different state. The time I told my mother I had gotten accepted to graduate school and her first words were, "How are you going to pay for it?" instead of "Congratulations" or "I'm proud of you."

But these aren't all of it. They're so far from all of it. One memory I have is not of the presence of abuse, but the sudden, bewildering absence of it: my sister drove me to the nearest town with a mall, an hour and a half away. We were stopping to pick up snacks for the drive back, I think at a Safeway. I picked up a box of Golden Grahams cereal and nervously asked my sister if I could have it. She said, "Of course you can, you know what you want." In the limbus of a childhood spent being told I was picking the wrong soda for myself when I gave my order at fast food restaurants, suddenly being told I could have what I wanted T-boned me emotionally. It was like running into a wall I hadn't known was there. What? I can just want things? I can just get things and have them because I want them? I don't have to justify it, or lie, or hide what I want? No one is going to tell me I'm stupid for wanting something or that I'll regret it?

Just an incessant drip-drip-drip of emotional abuse, sometimes punctuated by a flash flood. "If I leave your mother, how do you think you're going to eat? You're going to end up on the street."

And now, reading the section on how children end up feeling about the passive parents who enable abuse, I just think, oh, there's me! There's me. I hated her and pitied her and loved her and wanted more for her. I didn't have the adult emotional capacity to understand how much of her life she was complicit in, but damningly, I did vaguely, tangentially understand that she was constantly making excuses for Dad--coming to my bedroom to sit on my bed and tell me, while crying, that he was sorry, while he never apologized. Making it my job to comfort her. I said to her once that I remember, "If he was really sorry, he'd stop doing this," and she just looked at me with something that looked like sorrow but I could tell was rage--she was angry at me for not forgiving him and letting us snap right back into the "good" phase between angry outbursts, where we could, for however long it lasted, pretend to be a normal family.

And how she always resented me. She resented that I was separate from her, she resented that I could do and see and understand things she couldn't, she was angry when I went into Psychology, even angrier when I went into medicine. She's been throttling down her anger at Dad for as long as I've been alive, pretending to be malleable, having vague health complaints and maladies mixed in among the real ones, forever retiring to her bed with a washcloth over her eyes instead of interacting with me.

And now that I'm an adult, and not just an adult but a middle-aged doctor, why don't I call? Why do I insist on bringing up the past? Why do I expect Dad to apologize? I'm hurting his feelings, after all.

The past. Sure. When I graduated from medical school, he named the worst doctor we ever met and said, "He went to medical school, too. Don't get a big head."

And when we were talking, once, not long ago, maybe two years or so, about how he used to stand there and yell at us--I can't remember any of the words anymore, just the way he looked, the tone of his voice, the experience like being buffeted by a strong wind--he said, "At least your sister fought back. You just stood there and took it."

I can't imagine a clearer illustration that he doesn't actually regret his behavior. He doesn't regret his actions. He still feels justified. We were disappointments, we were failures, we weren't him, we weren't what he wanted for us, and more than that, we were convenient targets for his rage. You can do almost anything to your children and get away with it. And he didn't hit us, so it was okay, and the fact that we were hurt by the actions he took with the intent to hurt us means that we were weak. And it's okay to hurt the weak.

Christ! This is the man who, in a fit of sullen self-pity, when I gave him a mug that said "World's #1 Dad" for Father's Day when I was probably eight or nine, talked about how we both know that's not true. As if a child is your therapist. As if it were my responsibility to reassure him.

My mother has read Toxic Parents. My mother has read Why Does He Do That? She has a bachelor's and most of a master's in psychology. She has an IQ of 150. She is a bad mother. It feels like the worst judgment you can make, a bad mother. It feels worse than calling someone a bad father. Because we expect less from fathers. But a bad mother is unnatural.

But lots and lots and lots of mothers are bad at being mothers. And I love mine and I hate her, and I'm angry and I'll always be angry, and I'll die angry, and I have to try to carve what happiness I can from a world I entered into under false pretenses. I was always told I was wanted. I knew I wasn't. I may have been intentional, but I wasn't wanted.

My mother's mother just died last week. I didn't know her. She chose not to know us. I hadn't seen her since I was twenty-two and graduated from college. My mother is struggling with her relationship with her mother. She often tells me her mother was a narcissist. I want to ask her what she thinks she is. She's not a narcissist, but she's an enabler, she's a doormat, she's a classic case of codependency, and I don't think she sees it that way. I always got the sense she was just waiting for us to grow up and go away so she and Dad could go back to being happily miserable alone together.

I asked her, this last year, if she'd read Why Does He Do That? and she said she had, and she asked me carefully why I was thinking about it, waiting for me to confess to her that my husband of ten years was abusive. She's been gunning for this relationship since the beginning--I'd been with him for maybe a year when she mailed me a copy of He's Just Not That Into You (or maybe it was the sequel, It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken) along with an article on how to date as a single older woman. I was 23. She was flabbergasted when I said I thought Dad was abusive. Denied it immediately. I listed examples and she didn't even say words, just made simultaneously pained and exasperated noises.

She wants me to be single and a career failure and pathetic so she can feel good about herself in comparison. Dad thinks he wants me to be like him, but if I actually behaved like he does, I think he finally would belt me.

I had to hide everything good in me from them so they wouldn't deliberately ruin it. I couldn't tell them about my writing. The first time I finished writing a novel I told Mom and she didn't even acknowledge it, just told me to do the dishes. I was sixteen. I can't tell them what I love about my husband because it would be like speaking to them in a foreign language. They think it's a performance, like their performance, and they're always waiting for me to slip up and reveal the misery they're sure is lurking just underneath.

I've done well. They don't own me. I wish I had real parents, but I'm going to try not to shop for oranges at the hardware store anymore.

#the attending dr. kristophine

[1800kfics]

8:09pm

beomgyu x reader

warnings: smut (minors dni please), oral (head m!receiving), minor exhibitionism

wc: ~950

an: not proofread I’m sorry 😭

UPDATE: apparently the song got taken off of spotify T_T but i still rec listening to it on yt!!

“try not to make a sound, this my mama house”

Your boyfriend sat next to you on his childhood bed, hand in the air clicking through channels on the tv in front of the two of you aimlessly.

"There's nothing good on. Nothing good to do in this house." Beomgyu said dully.

"I'm sure there's something fun we can find to do around here." You reply.

"I'm not sure about that. Any weed I have hidden in my drawers is long dried up. My mom is right down the hall anyways, there's not much fun to be had." He says, followed by a deep sigh.

The pair of you were visiting his hometown for the holidays. His mother liked to turn in early - albeit unusually early, so the two of you were left to your own devices for the rest of the night.

You look over to the digital clock on the nightstand next to you. It read 8:09pm.

When you turned your head back, he was already looking at you.

"What?" You ask.

He shoots you one of his signature smirks. "If I had a pretty girl like you in my bed when I was a teenager I'd probably be hard right now."

You slapped his shoulder and he started chuckling. "God Beomgyu! Is that all you think about?" You say, jokingly disgusted. His brazenness gets you every time.

"What, I'm not kidding! It's even hard for me not to get turned on right now..." He says in defense. You don't fail to notice how he shifts slightly in his pants.

You continue to play into it. "God, my boyfriend is a pervert that wants to get with a girl in his childhood bed to fulfill his teenage dreams." You say, waiting for his laugh to come.

It didn’t.

"Would you?" He asks at a voice you had to strain to hear.

You whip your head over at him. The circumstances aren't the best, but denying Beomgyu was an even harder task. One glance downwards and you could see him already pitching a tent in his sweatpants. You flick your eyes back up and he's looking at you hopefully.

You answer by moving to sit on his lap. You could feel his length perfectly, though it was separated from your core with your clothing. Once you're centered on him, he wastes no time pressing his lips onto yours, holding the back your head and pushing you impossibly closer to him.

Lips clashing together, you run your fingers through his hair, then make your way down to his neck. You trace it down all the way to the curve of his collarbone.

You feel him grin into your mouth, then he pulls away.

"Baby... I really need you. Any part of you." He says breathily.

You remember where you are in that moment, and worry about the creakiness of the bed. You decide to slip down and rest in between his now spread legs.

He lifts himself and pulls his boxers & sweatpants down far enough for his length to spring up and slap against his stomach. It reached his mid-thigh, and was thick. No matter how many times you've taken him in your mouth, it's always been a struggle.

You see glistening beads of precum on the tip and spread it down his length, pumping lazily. He puts his arm behind his head and he props himself up against the pillows.

You lick from the base to the tip, peppering it with kisses when you get there. He gently gathers your hair in a make-shift ponytail above your head.

Finally, you start taking his length in, and he guides your head down slowly. When you take all you can fit, you still for a moment. Taking in half of him is a feat.

You bob your head up and down on his cock, taking in as much as you can each time. You use your hand for whatever you can't reach.

After a few minutes, he's grown even harder in your mouth. "Do you think you can take some more?" He asks shakily.

You hum in approval around his length, the vibration making him grip the sheets lightly. He uses a hand to guide your head down further than your own head would let you go.

You deepthroat him, nose tickling his trimmed pubic hair. You pull up, go down, still, and repeat.

Tears are brimming in your eyes as you fight for air. You can tell Beomgyu is close, because his soft grip on your hair has become tight, and he has taken to fucking your mouth.

Your throat rejected one particular thrust and you gagged around his cock.

"Shhh baby, try not to make a sound, this my mama's house." He says in a strained whisper.

You try your best to continue to let him use your throat, even though the tears have well escaped your eyes and run down your cheeks.

"I'm... I'm gonna c-cum... Take it?" He says in whiny intervals.

You once again hum in approval, vibration pushing him over the edge. He shoots his load down your throat. When you pull off of him, he meets your gaze. "You're beautiful," he admits.

You scoff at him, knowing fully well that your hair is a mess and you have tear-stained cheeks.

He pulls his pants up as you sit up. You lay your head against his chest, listening to his pounding heart return to a normal pace.

"If you would've told teenage Beomgyu that I was going to have a smoking hot partner giving me head in this bed I would've freaked." He quipped.

You chuckle against his chest. "Shut up."

an: def not my best work but this was inspired by an edit i can’t get out of my head 😵‍💫

#beomgyu #bf beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu smut #i'm a sucker for bf beomgyu

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my brother his wife is using him?

This may be long but I want to make sure there is enough info for you to give an accurate judgment. TLDR at the end but I encourage reading the full post

I (25f) have an older brother, J (28m). I also have a younger brother (22m), L. J and I were always close when we were younger then grew apart as we got older, the boys always were close. The year J graduated high school we became close again.

J met his gf A (29-31f, I dont even know how old she is but she's older then J) during college. I remember the first time A came home with him, and she was very sweet but very nervous. We clicked and had a good conversation that lasted hours (we all were at our parents house and us girls had to share a room and the boys did too). Anytime there were holidays we stayed at our parents and did this (big holidays that colleges had off like Christmas and Thanksgiving)

We met up a couple of times and all was fine. It was hard as they lived far away from where we grew up (2-4 hours depending on traffic and routes). Then I moved to the country, about 20 minutes away from them. We met up more often, but only maybe about once every 3 months. No big deal, I was busy working. Then J and A got engaged and it felt like everything changed.

I would invite them to hang out or get dinner, but J and A would make excuses. J would be like "A can't come so we won't make it" even when I said "okay but what if only you came? You're my brother?" He would make excuses. The days they agreed to meet up, suddenly day of couldn't go. He was tired after work, she wasn't feeling good, the car wasn't working. Anything and everything you could think of. I did notice whenever L came to visit me and stay, J and A would always be available to meet up, even if it was last minute.

So I figured...it somehow must be me? And then they got married. And it was beautiful.

Or so im told as it was a private ceremony and I wasn't invited :) I actually was originally told the date, which I asked off of work for, but then I got a text a week prior saying "guess what happened tonight" and then was told they got married. L was there. Our parents and myself were not. A did tell me she didn't feel right inviting our parents if her parents weren't there...but why not me? I was told it was a private ceremony and only L was there as a witness, but one of their friend's posted pictures and it had over 5 different people in them

I tried to let it go but honestly it hurt me and pissed me off and everything kept adding onto it. I have zero clue what the hell i did. I have texted J and asked him point blank if he is mad at me, he would deny. I asked for A's number cause he mentioned she was lonely and had lost friends, I said we could go get our nails done since that's something she likes (I dont but I figured I'd extend an olive branch) he refused to give it to me. It seems its me but again I have zero clue why.

It worsened after me and J got into an argument. They canceled again, and I do know A was having a bought of depression at this time. I understood, as someone diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But J told me I never would understand (A was still going out to places and hanging out with friends, meanwhile there were days I couldn't get out of bed and called into work sick. I know we shouldn't compare mental illness but it seemed like an excuse to me. A also would do things that she has said makes her mental health worse, like reading and watching things that triggers her). The whole reason I wanted to hang out is because I had Christmas gifts from our parents and a few of our childhood friends for them (L was out of the country at this time and had mailed a gift to them). They kept bailing and I tried for TWO MONTHS, I finally delivered the items the week after Valentines.

One of our friends was a baker and TOLD THEM she baked them a cake, special for them because A has dietary restrictions due to a chronic disease. They knew this and it spoiled. So I was upset for my friend, and I lied and said they got it to save her the hurt.

But when J finally told me to drop off the items I blew up at him. We stood outside his house and yelled at each other. He flat out told me to stop being so emotional and that I was letting hormones get in the way of thinking, and that I should understand A being depressed. I did! I yelled at him he should get his head out of his ass and that he is letting down not just me but our friends, especially the baker who has a waitlist and made stuff SPECIAL for them. He didn't thank me for my gift, but texted each individual person for theirs.

That was in 2022. A month after I apologized and he said he forgave me. But nothing has changed. Since then they didn't wish me happy birthday (they called L on his, he is now living with me temporarily, but when I pointed out I didn't get a happy birthday from anyone *literally only one friend wished me a happy birthday and L, even my own parents forgot* A told me I needed to get over myself and that birthdays weren't that important to them so I shouldn't take any offense. I didnt expect them to wish me a happy birthday this year because of that, but my true friends and my parents did remember this year),. They didn't come to my college graduation. I stopped texting J and I hadn't heard a response since. We did see each other this past Christmas coincidentally, not planned as they didn't come to our parents. J was pleasant, A said nothing but watched me the whole time, and I made excuses to leave this Christmas party as I didnt even know they knew the person throwing the party.

I came home early from work this past week and J was visiting L (something J claims he can't do during weekdays cause he works 9-5 during the week...allegedly). J gave me a hug and we all chatted for about an hour, it felt like old times, but then his wife called. It was a smooth conversation then I got brought up, and suddenly A needed J back home immediately. He bailed on dinner plans he and L had (L had spent all day cooking a roast, it was delicious btw and yes L was upset J didn't stay).

I had enough. I called J during his "work hours" on his cell. J answered and I chewed him out. I said our brother was hurt and whatever the issue with me is HAS to stop. If he doesn't tell me whats wrong, I CANT fix it. J told me there was nothing wrong with me and I was reading too into it. I pointed out some of the same instances I listed and he told me I was reading into it. He then accidentally let slip that A didn't want us talking. Which I figured. I blew up and told him A was using him. A was turning him against me and our parents *i am too lazy to go back but he stopped talking to our parents the same time he stopped talking to me but he always talked to L*. I mentioned how she is an adult and if she has an issue with me she needs to tell me, but instead she's a fucking coward. J yelled at me that she has anxiety and I yelled back "bitch I do too! I'm on fucking meds for it" which i know she isnt. J hung up on me.

Not only is everything above an issue, A also: doesn't have a job and only J has the income. Claims its because of her illness, the one that causes dietary restrictions, yet EATS said things even though she knows makes her sick. She won't let J meet up with our childhood friends. A also has stsrted getting J to take edibles with her. If J is tested, it will get him fired from his job. But then she complains he's being a loser if he doesn't do edibles with her.

The kicker is this: A solely used to date women. J is NOT a woman, nor does he want to identify as one. J knows A used to date women, and again tells me I should be more considerate seeing as how I am openly bisexual. However, and I havent told J this, one of the conversations I did have with A after they got married, she told me TO MY FACE "yeah, I never imagined marrying a guy yet here I am." Laughed and I kind of was like oh haha, isnt it crazy how things work out, to which she said "I dont even like men!" Slapped my thigh laughing and continued laughing. I was bewildered and when J had returned and asked what we were talking about we both changed the subject.

I did tell L when that happened and he thought it was weird but we couldn't change anything as they were married. I dont know if I should tell J.

But really I do feel as though A is using J, but now im wondering if I should lay it out more clearly WHY. Or if I should stay out of it. They already seem to hate me, so part of me is like why not go for it. But L is talking me off that bridge (my therapist is also testing me for something that isnt solely anxiety and depression) . I know J is hurt as he told L such, and part of me feels bad I yelled, but also the rest of me wants to key his fucking car and tell him to shove it up his ass and ban him from seeing L at my house as it is MY house even though L is living there

AITA?

TLDR: I yelled at my brother his wife is using him as she doesn't have a job, always falls back on her mental and physical illness yet does things to make them worse, and has also told me she doesn't like men (she used to exclusively date women prior to my brother).

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[thevesuvianchronicles]

Burnt Amber

I was reading something the other night about the fact that in the dark the cones in our eyes legit can't respond to light like, at all. considering my recent bg3 binge that obviously got me thinking abt a certain sassy vampire and thus... this piece. (I've also been told there's a scene that could go along with this but I legit just got to act 3) enjoy!

spoilers for vague bg3 things

If he had to explain it - which he never would- the world lost its color. Many people looked back upon childhood so happily, everything had been brighter, the world bigger, love was so easy and quickly fleeting. A babe’s eyes opened to blurry yet vivid shades, pastels, and tints. Yet the first thing Astarion’s crimson eyes had seen was only the darkness of his own coffin. Color meant nothing to a vampire who’s first vivid memories consisted of clawing his way through six feet of funerary dirt.

Though his vampiric vision allowed him to make out the different threads on a rich man’s lapel, he only ever saw it in moonlight. Only a reflection, a fraction of the beauty the sun would give the fabric. Where there had been pastels there was now muted tones, tinted colors became gray, and shades became nothing but more inky darkness.

Centuries of this and he slowly began to forget the true colors the world had to offer. Was purple always so deep that one couldn’t discern where a sleeve ended and the night air began? Had yellow always seemed so dull? And red… had red always been so greedy? Soaking up and glaring back the same sick color he saw in Cazador’s eyes.

That’s all his vampiric life had been, that was all it ever would be.

Yet there he stood, watching the last of the sun’s rays dip below the horizon

Despite his suave demeanor and sweetened words, he knew how to woo someone, lure them into his bed with his body and honeyed words, and later back to his master. Yet no words could describe the sun now. It burned his irises, his eyes ached for him to blink, turn away, and do anything but stare into the sun. He simply couldn’t stop; it would take away his breath if he needed to breathe.

His first realization that color was far better within the sun was, rather unfortunately, Gale. Upon falling on his ass, Gale had done the wizardly thing and began rambling. However, Astarion wasn’t paying attention at all. His eyes were on Gale’s robe. He couldn’t remember a purple ever being so vibrant, so cocky almost, as if requiring you to look at it. It fit Gale as Astarion would come to learn. Then he saw purple everywhere. Balsam blooms carried but seemed a warmer tint of Gale’s robe. Shadowheart’s armor was even darker, matching that which Astarion saw late at night in the alleys of Bauldur’s Gate. He hadn’t really thought about it but he rather thought purple and red clashed. Leave it to that wizard from Waterdeep to be a walking fashion faux pas.

Yet despite the fashion error, Astarion couldn’t stop thinking about purple, the many different shades he had seen in a matter of days. The sun making the slightest variations more obvious to his crimson eyes.

He first realized that light is what made the colors so polluted, as if the colors were waiting to leach into his eyes when he couldn’t help but stare at the color yellow. It was, by far, not his favorite color, drawing too much attention of a rouge like himself.

Yet the golden glow of the divine seemed to suit Shadowheart. The brilliance of a guiding bolt whizzing past his ear, bathing a goblin in light, setting it ablaze. The disgusting color had saved his skin to many times to count by now. All thanks to the devotee’s hands.

The vampire couldn’t say he understood Shadowheart’s devotion. But the sheer power her belief brought the color yellow, made him quirk a brow. Such polluting brillance made him wonder if light was able to redeem every color.

The color followed him after that battle. Yellow licked at Karlach’s flames, light reflected off the golden threads of Halsin’s armor, it even sparked every time Lae’zel sharpened her sword.

Yet there was nothing that could redeem the color red. No amount of light or dark could make crimson look any better. In darkness it looked like a cesspool of all things evil, an open maw waiting to swallow whatever it could. In the light of day, it reminded him of nothing but lost souls, glowing red eyes, and a sickly grin.

It was the color Cazador liked most on him, both his clothes and his skin. It was the color his life had been reduced to. Living off such crimson ichor, so much so that it stained him, stained even his eyes from what he had gathered about vampiric looks. It was the only color that he would be happy to forget, but never could.

“You know if you stare at the sun long enough… you could go blind.” The voice came from behind him, his pointed ears finally picking up on the crunch of gravel beneath feet. His eyes did feel a bit dry as he blinked, black and swirling colors hindering his vision as he looked back over his shoulder.

The leader of their little group was… interesting to say the least. So focused on the tadpole and their companion's journeys that Astarion hadn’t learned much about their own personal goals, if any. He should work on that.

“I always love to look at beautiful things, not unlike yourself darling.” Astarion let the words lilt off his tongue, but didn’t turn away from the setting sun.

He heard a small hum from you as you settled beside him, standing close enough for him to tell that you had refreshed yourself from today’s adventuring.

Neither said anything for a while, the gentle rustle of trees and soft calls of animals in the underbrush the only noise. He had been so lost in his musings that he hadn’t realized how far the sun had set, a barely visible sliver of yellow still visible surrounded by orange and red.

“Well… now that the lovely colors are gone I do believe I’ll turn in for the night. A book and a glass of red do seem to be calling my name.” Astarion sighs, as if it would be a hassle to get up and walk the few steps to his tent. It is a hassle, to leave the presence of their leader has become more and more of a hassle on his heart than he’s willing to accept.

“Don’t go now, it’s just started to change.” Your voice was soft, softer than he has ever heard it and a glance tells him that your eyes are still on the setting sun.

“No thank you darling, I do think I’ve seen enough shades of red for a thousand lifetimes.” There is a twist of pain in his voice, one that makes him wrinkle his nose. He was getting too easy, a slip like that with Cazador and he would have been reminded how much he hates red.

“But the sky is beautiful-“

He cuts you off with a flippant wave of his hand and a scoff. A change of subject was all they needed, easier territory. “It’s just red. You know they say a red sky at night means-“

“It’s not just red Astarion.” You cut him short this time, tone sharp. He didn’t understand why you would defend such a color. Of all things to fight for, a color. They saw red spilled every day, every day their leader fought, for teiflings, for druids, for their companions. Each day that color ruined everything it touched.

“Oh? Do tell darling, what is oh so special about that distasteful mix of colors. A muddled mess of all things awful-“

“I rather think red is beautiful.” Astarion snaps his eyes up, disgust curling his lips, a flaunting jab just ready on the tip of his tongue when your eyes stop him.

At some point, he wasn’t sure when, you had turned to look at him. Eyes just as soft as your voice had been. There is a sweet tilt to your lips as he turns, as if finally seeing what they had been after.

He sees the minute shift of you eyes, as if darting back and forth. He can hear the uptick in your heartbeat, the tension releasing from your shoulders. As if the sight of him was what you were after, as if waiting to catch his eye.

Then he remembered. Remembered exactly what color his eyes now were.

“I happen to like that color.” You grinned, eyes steady on his. His mind was blank, no haughty taunt or seductive words. He could do nothing but blink as a grin spread wide on your lips and you turned back towards the sun.

“When the sun hits just right… it’s beautiful, a burst of burnt amber. I think it’s the prettiest color I’ve ever seen.” Astarion knew they were definitely not talking about the sunset anymore. He couldn’t help but stare at you. The curve of your nose, the way your smile seemed so giddy, the way the sun reflected in your own eyes.

Red was the color of the flowers Karlach had tried to pick for all of them. It was the color the jewels in Lae’zel’s armor, the color the hem of Gale’s awful robe. And it was the color of the blood you so willingly gave him. Had offered as soon as he had explained himself that night, without asking for anything in return. You were so different than what he expected.

He tutted, realizing he had been staring and turns back towards the sunset, listening closely as you go to sit on the ground. The bright yellow of the sun diffused into a russet orange that slowly eased into a vibrant, dazzled red. He sighed, slowly settling himself beside you, far closer than before.

“Yes darling, perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I could grow to love it.”

#bg3 astarion #bg3 #astarion x durge #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 fanfiction #baulders gate 3 #baulders gate astarion

[jamespottersmixtape]

september 9: ocean 1,118 words @rosekiller-microfic

Beach day! Just them being stupid and soft and in love :,)

Evan stretches his arms and legs languidly across the beach towel he's laying on. The fabric is littered with warm sand that has long since fallen off of his body, leaving behind patches of sunscreen where it clashed with the water. He can smell the salt drying in his hair, a breeze hitting his face as he squints at the sky.

It's days like today that make Evan believe in perfection—or, as close to perfection as something can get. The weather is lovely, bright sun and a cloudless sky, a cooling wind coming in from the west. The ocean waves lap against the shore in small swells, cold but bearable for swimming in the heat, and the sound of the water is a calming lull, set to draw people into it's shimmering depths.

He can hear children laughing with their parents, splashing and making sandcastles without a care in the world. It almost makes him ache for the childhood he never got—his family too hung up on stuffy suits and formal dinners to register what their kids might want—but he's past that now. That life is far behind him and not once has Evan ever looked back. Besides, he's far too content to sit and dwell on the past right now. He'd much rather bask in everything the coast has to offer him, and continue to ignore whoever keeps shouting his name in the distance.

He smiles to himself. Everything is perfect.

"Evan!"

He internally groans and closes his eyes. Maybe whoever is yelling will think he's asleep and decide not to bother him.

"Evann!!"

The voice is getting closer now. He thought everyone went to get snacks? Who is yelling? Why are they yelling?

"EVAN!" Before he knows it the voice is directly above him, and an entire bottle of water is being dumped on his face.

He startles with a very unmanly yelp, his eyes flying open to find Barty keeled over in laughter, water bottle in hand, and Regulus standing next to him looking rather irritated. "What the fuck?!" Evan asks, wiping the dripping water from his cheeks.

"What do you mean, what the fuck, we've been calling you for two minutes," Regulus huffs, taking a small step away from Barty as he chokes out the rest of his laughs.

Evan glares at the pair of them. "Why?"

"They ran out of cookies and cream," Barty shrugs, laughter still evident in the way his eyes are lit up.

"You–" he sighs, running fingers through his tangled wet hair. "You dumped water on me because they ran out of my favorite ice cream?" Sometimes Evan can't believe he fell in love with this man.

"We didn't know what else you wanted," Regulus says flatly. Evan can tell he's trying to hold back a smile. Asshole.

Evan scoffs, getting up from his now soaked towel and grumbling something along the lines of been my friends for 12 years and can't even remember what ice cream I like.

"Look, my fucking hair is all wet again. I just spent an hour drying off and you ruined it," he pouts, shoving a finger harshly into Barty's chest; they both know there's no bite beneath his words.

Barty snorts, taking Evan's hand in his as they walk towards the small ice cream shop located right off the beach. "You should've seen your face baby."

Evan's cheeks heat at the term of endearment. He can't remember when Barty started calling him that, but one day it appeared and never left, a new staple in Barty's 'Evan vocabulary'. Evan can't say he minds, in fact he's grown rather fond of the name.

"Dickhead," he grumbles in retaliation. "You're mean."

"Mmm, but that's why you love me." Barty presses a quick and sloppy kiss to his cheek before he can duck his head.

He rolls his eyes but returns the favor. He can taste the sweat and salt clinging to Barty's skin.

Regulus interrupts with a loud gagging noise. "You two are so fucking weird," he says, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

—

They get their ice cream without any more hiccups, Evan settling for salted caramel instead and Barty for an obscure chocolate combination. He doesn't even know why they get their own flavors really, him and Barty always trade halfway through—but he supposes that's the fun of it.

The four of them—it's just him, Barty, Regulus, and James today—spend the rest of the afternoon in and out of the water. They sunbathe, James hits a volleyball around—even roping Barty into a game or two, something Evan never would've seen coming—and Evan manages to carry Barty's lanky frame all the way to the shoreline to toss him in. It was revenge, okay?

By the time the sun is setting the two couples are sprawled a short distance from each other, watching the pink and orange hues dance along the horizon before the stars come out to play.

Evan has his back to Barty's chest, resting between his legs with both their hands entwined over Evan's stomach. Every so often Barty presses a kiss to Evan's temple.

It's rare for the two of them to have such tender moments like this, especially in the company of others. Usually they reserve their soft touches and quiet whispers for the tranquility of the morning or weekends at home, but it's a nice change to be so open with vulnerable affection.

"Today was fun," Evan yawns, his body finally catching up with the day's exhaustion.

Barty hums in agreement. “I’m gonna get you back for throwing me in the ocean though,” he murmurs, nipping at Evan’s earlobe.

“Excuse me, that was my payback.”

“Just saying," he lulls in a sing-song voice. "You better watch your back Ev.”

"I'll be sure to sleep with one eye open."

They both laugh at that, content and serene in the little bubble they've created. Evan tries to snuggle further into Barty's chest but to no avail. Barty lets him drop against the towel, swinging himself over Evan's body so his face hovers inches above his.

Evan raises an eyebrow. Barty's grin is devilish when it breaks across his face. He leans down and slots their lips together for a quick kiss, one filled with sun and ice cream and salty air.

When Barty speaks it's low, just for the two of them. A quiet I love you exchanged between an inhale and exhale. Three words that always open the floodgates to Evan's guarded heart.

The day ends with the two of them curled up on their sides, legs tangled and clothes dusted with sand as the last sliver of light dips below the water.

Evan couldn't ask for anything better.

#I can't make anything below 1k it's an issue #THEYRE AT THE BEACH #AND HAPPY #something simple and silly #soft rosekiller you will always have my heart #made myself want to cry writing this #pls evan was so dramatic #rosekiller #rosekiller microfic #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #barty x evan #evan x barty #rat's silly microfics

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

Next Thing You Know

Part 12 of Sometimes All You Need (A Getaway Car)

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Reader

Description: Jake's not having fun in Maine, at least not fun like he'd been expecting. Gorgeous' dad is a Naval legend, and well, he's not all that pleased by Jake. So he's been doing what he can. Now what does the retired Rear Admiral need him on a boat for? Waking up to Jake, all of him, is something that you relish in, no matter where you are or who you're with. His wake-up calls make you smile through the day when you can get them. Of course, the fact that he gave you one of his special wake-up calls in your childhood bedroom where your dad could have heard you is far from ideal. What you're not expecting is your dad to take Jake on the boat. Is this it? Is this the moment where Jake is either going to get your dad's approval or will you be forced to have Mav walk you down the aisle? Disclaimers: Smut Warnings: Female Reader Word Count: 3550 Author Note: Chapter 12 is yet another chapter in Jake's perspective (partially this time), and well, I couldn't help myself in writing another spicy scene for Jake and his Gorgeous Girl! Sending all of the summer vibes to all of the places where it get cold and dark at 4 P.M! AO3: Cross-posted Here! Wattpad: Cross-posted Here! My Masterlist Previous Part | Series Masterlist | Next Part

Jake wakes up to a beam of light hitting his face through the open curtains. Gorgeous is curled up in his arms, her face relaxed, brow furrowing just a little at whatever she's seeing in her dreams. Now to see if he can act on everything he promised himself he would do before he fell asleep last night.

First order of business? Get his mouth on his gorgeous fiancée. Not that he remembers it, but Jake's grateful that she'd only put on one of his t-shirts for bed. It makes things easier as he slowly inches his way down her body until he's level with her stomach. He's never going to get tired of her. His gorgeous girl with her soft, supple skin and her pretty smile and even prettier mind. He starts gently, laying soft kisses across her stomach and over her thighs. Her limbs are sleep-heavy as he carefully parts her thighs, pausing every time he hears a hitch in her breathing or the rustle of the sheets as she moves in her sleep.

When he slides his fingers through the velvet folds, they come away coated in the clear sheen of her arousal. A soft moan slips out of her mouth, and all of a sudden, Jake can't wait anymore. Nobody can blame him, he's sure. His fiancée is lying there, after all, practically naked, wet, and aching for his touch. His tongue is flat as he laves it over her folds, each pass gathering more of the sweet earthiness of her on his tongue as it goes. 

Jake is sure there isn't a better taste or feeling in the world. Then the first sweet, breathy, mumbling moan drifts past Gorgeous' parted lips. He's captivated then. He's transfixed watching the rise and fall of her chest as sleeping fingers ruck the t-shirt up. Unconsciously they work the peaks of her nipples to stiffness and cradle the heavy curves of her breasts in her palms. Jake continues his slow devouring of his fiancée, each slow swipe of his tongue meant to tantalize her, and ignores the insistent arousal making his hips grind ever so slightly into the mattress below them.

When she comes, it's like a work of art. Her muscles tense around his shoulders, strong thighs baring down around his head like they want to keep him captive. As the wave crashes over her, each muscle relaxes, like there's a rolling wave of contentment coursing over her system. But as much as he'd like to stay there, and frankly he could for the rest of his life, he's got a fiancée to wake up. His hands are gentle as they trail up over her soft skin. Jake’s careful to not put too much of his weight on her as he slides his way back up her body. Her eyes are open and she’s smiling blearily at the sight of his face. He dips his mouth down to give her a gentle kiss, smirking at the soft sigh that pours out of her mouth.

“G’morning, Jay.” Her voice is sleepy and groggy, her fingers gentle as they trail through his sleep-mussed hair. Jake nearly purrs from the pleasure of it as they scratch with the perfect force over his scalp. “What was that for, handsome?”

He shrugs, peppering kisses across the sides of her neck. He’s practically melting into her soft skin. Jake’s not sure why she always smells so good. Why it always feels so right to be with her. For that alone, he can’t resist kissing her again, morning breath and the tang of her release on his tongue be damned, drinking in her groans as her legs slip around his waist. The kisses are tender and sweet, and god he hopes his Gorgeous Girl knows exactly how much he loves her from his kisses alone.

“God, baby doll.” His voice is a groan, tender and half muffled by more kisses as her hands slide under the waistband of his boxers and squeeze his ass. “Fuck, I love you, beautiful girl.”

“Are you going to show me how much you love me then, Jay?” He doesn’t quite get to respond, instead choosing to show he. He wraps his lips around one of her pert nipples and wrestles the t-shirt off instead. Finally, Gorgeous seems to be on the same page as he is, though he has to moan at the feeling of her hand wrapping around his length. It’s hurried and quick, a rough passionate fuck, as he shoves his boxers down just far enough that his aching length is free and presses into her waiting warmth. Each slow, languid thrust has sweat dripping down his spine and Gorgeous's eyes rolling back. Her breath catches deep in her throat, and he has to kiss her to quiet the moans. The last thing he needs is Slider, Admiral Ron Freaking Kerner, walking into his daughter’s bedroom when the schlub she wants to marry is balls deep in her.

When his hand slips over her mouth, and her walls flutter along his length, he knows he’s found something that will be the center of every fantasy he’s going to be having for years. If his hand clasps around her throat moments later and her eyes widen as her pussy gushes, then that’s a particularly spectacular kink he is going to enjoy for many days and nights to come. Her eyes are glassy, tears collecting in her lash lines, mouth parted in an oh as he fucks into her. He can tell she's close by the sting in his shoulders from her nails digging in even as she's a ragdoll limp in his arms. He cums with a roar, digging his teeth into the meat of her shoulder to stifle the noise as she quivers around him. Now that's exactly what he's been missing - a fucked out drop-dead gorgeous girl lying in the sheets. That it’s his gorgeous girl makes the sight all the sweeter. All in all, he’s in a pretty good mood over breakfast with the Admiral, especially when Gorgeous blushes whenever he smirks at her. 

He doesn't feel the same way two hours later standing on the dock and looking up at the boat Admiral Kerner is standing on. He'd left Gorgeous behind at the house, walking like she couldn't feel a thing below her waist. Of all of the things Jake has been expecting the Admiral to have him do, boats weren't on the list. Not at all. A part of him would rather be whitewashing houses and fixing fences for another day in a row than having to get onto a boat. Being up on an aircraft carrier is different - no matter what Gorgeous has tried to tell him. An itty bitty twelve-foot sloop isn't the same. So, he is wholly uncomfortable stepping onto the boat. It sways more than expected, feeling like he's balanced on a wood plank in the middle of an avalanche. But more than the little sailboat he's getting on, he's worried about the man he's getting on board with.

Admiral Kerner has a reputation, even nearly a decade after he retired from the Navy. Scuttlebutt always had the most interesting things to say when the Admiral was running the base in Corpus Christie. But the general consensus seemed to be that he was a hardass. As well as to say that you should never get on his daughter’s bad side - or make any moves on her. Jake’s screwed in so many ways now. Especially since over the past year and a half, he's managed to do both. So it truly feels like he's got the hangman's noose wrapped around his throat. Normally, he's the Hangman, the Executioner. Now there's somebody far scarier that he's facing down.

"C'mere, son." Jake’s uncharacteristically cowed as he steps forward. He can read it in the Admiral’s face just as easily as he can sense it in his own body language. “I don’t let just anyone on this boat, son. Do you know why I invited you to this boat?”

Jake’s truly not sure. After over a decade of building his confidence, he feels like he’s backsliding, right back to that kid who joined the Naval Academy at eighteen beaten down and tired.

“Your reputation precedes you, son. I know you’re just as aware of that as my daughter is. The day you walked in my front door, I asked you why you wanted to marry my daughter - why I should approve of you marrying her despite your reputation. You told me you don’t know why she gave you a chance. You told me to ask her why.”

“And frankly, son. That’s not enough of an answer for me. I’m not her biological father. I’m her godfather, the man her parents trusted with her life if they couldn’t be there to love her the way she deserved to be. Due to a series of truly unfortunate events, her parents were stolen from her, stolen from the world. I had to step up and take on the responsibility I promised to take on. Every moment of my life since that night has been centered on that little girl. Every tear, every bruise, every laugh that left that sweet little face, I witnessed. My hands picked her up when she fell and held her when she cried from nightmares. A part of me wished she would never grow up. But even a highly decorated Rear-Admiral can’t freeze time in its tracks.”

Jake’s surprised by the changes in the older man. In one conversation he seems to have softened, and when he hands Jake a beer, Jake’s too happy to take it. If only so, he has something to do with his hands as the boat bobs against the dock.

“It feels like I blinked and she was dating, graduating, moving to college and finally moving away. It felt like the center of my world had left. Before you, she hasn’t returned home in nearly five years.”

Now this, Jake can’t believe. Gorgeous talks about her dad all the time. Sure, she never mentioned he was a retired Rear Admiral in the Navy, but she always talks about her dad. It’s not a stretch for someone to realize how much she loves her dad. One conversation about him was enough to show Jake how close the father and daughter pair are.

“You might be wondering why I’m telling you this. It definitely wasn’t what I intended to say when I got you on board this boat.” He snorts, swigging the beer in a gulp. “I fully intended on a speech where I told you never to hurt my daughter or the Navy would never help investigate your disappearance.”

Jake feels himself blanche at those words. A quiet confidence exudes from the Admiral’s menacing tone. It sounds like he’s sure he could uphold that promise.

“But instead, that conversation turned into this one. It’s for one very specific reason. I know she’s dated before you. But she’s never once brought another one of her guys home. You’ve found your way into her heart. She looks at you, and you look at her the same way her parents used to look at each other.”

Jake takes a sip of the already warming beer just because the Admiral is looking at him with all-seeing eyes. He’s not sure what to say. How could he say something that would match the gravitas of the information that the Slider Kerner is giving him without settling back into the dick Hangman has made him? It’s something he’s been working on since he met Gorgeous, and that persona still finds its way out at the least provocation.

“Fuck, kid, you yourself are so worried about what I think that you’re sweating through your shirt and barely drinking a drop. I have it under the highest authority that it’s your favorite beer and you’re just now taking a sip!” Ron Kerner laughing was not on Jake’s Meet the Parent bingo card, but it makes him hope that he’s finally getting the older man’s approval. “So take this as my approval, kid. You’ve got my daughter, won her like she’s the rarest of treasures. So take care of her, love her. And maybe get her to come home sooner than once every five years, huh?”

Jake’s left dumbstruck as Admiral Kerner walks away whistling like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Now what the hell is he supposed to do on this fucking boat?

Your dad’s whistling and smiling as he walks down the gangplank. You thought that he was taking Jake on a tour of the bay. You’re huffing and puffing having lugged the heavy picnic basket down the hill because the men forgot it. Now, will you need it at all?

“Dad?” He walks right up to you and crushes you in a bear hug. “What’s going on, Daddy?”

“You’ve got a good one, kiddo.” If you didn’t have whiplash earlier, well you have it now. “He has my approval. Now, why don’t you show him around the bay? I’m sure he’d have more fun with you than your old man. I’m pretty sure Mrs. Petersen promised me a pie anyway!” With that jaunty parting, a wave, and a kiss on your forehead, you’re left with the key in your hand and the colossal picnic basket. You lug it up the steps, because you haven’t seen Jake yet, and find him staring out at the bay with a beer bottle dangling from two fingers.

He doesn’t notice even when you clatter down to the hold and stash the picnic basket in the small galley or when you start up the engine. It’s the cool breeze which finally gets his attention as the sloop picks up speed.

“Gorgeous? What’re you doing on the boat? Where’d your dad go? Why are we heading out onto the bay?” He sounds adorably confused at the change in scenery.

“It’s a beautiful day for a sail, Jake!” You smile, relishing in the salty breeze that is surely whipping your hair into a frenzy..

“It really is beautiful.” He sighs the words out and his tone is different enough that you look over at him. He’s looking right at you, sunglasses not hiding a single bit of his sparkling green eyes. “But you still haven’t answered why I’m on this boat, baby doll.”

You smile and cut the engines. Walking around him you start unfurling the main sail. “You’re in the Navy, Jake! You spend so much time around far bigger ships. Don’t tell me this little twelve-foot sloop has you quaking in your boots!”

“Well, sweetheart, I’m not wearing boots. Also, I’m in the Navy. As a Naval Aviator. I fly planes, honey. I don’t sail boats, baby, I land on them.” You can sense a wry amusement in his words, and though you’re not facing him, you can practically see him fold his arms across his chest.

You’re giggling as you turn around and sure enough, he’s standing exactly as you expected him to be. “Well, then, I guess there isn’t a better time for you to learn how to sail, then, flyboy. C’mon over here, the wind’s perfect for a sail. It also means I can show you all of my favorite parts of the Bay!”

He's quiet, standing like a sentinel at your back, not a quip or smart comment in sight. Jake only hops to attention to help where needed as you put up the sail and the boat starts picking up speed - all without a single word. It feels a lot like the night when you first met the Daggers, the night he told you about his first air-to-air kill. He has to be thinking about something, something which is robbing his ability of being present in the moment with you. You don’t feel like you have to fill the silence either. It’s relaxing, with the warm sun on your face and the salty spray tangling through your hair and collecting on the thin sweater you’d thrown over top of your sundress.

You brake the boat by maneuvering the mainsail to be head-to-wind when you reach one of your favorite waterfalls and head down into the galley.

“Why’d you stop the boat, baby doll?” He sounds so confused and a little taken aback.

“It’s nearly one o’clock, Jay! I figured you must be hungry. I know I am!” He takes the picnic basket from you with a small smile, watching eagle eyed as you lay the blanket out and set out everything you’ve brought.

“God, Gorgeous. When did you have the time to do this?” He sounds awed as he sits on the opposite end of the blanket from where you're setting the food and drinks out.

“I figured I ought to return the favor. The picnic we had on New Years was amazing, after all.” When Jake smiles, he finally looks like the man you fell in love with and less like Atlas holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. “And, well, I truly adore coming out here. So I kinda combined trips and brought a picnic that we could eat on the boat.”

“You and Dad were supposed to bring it down to the docks together. That's why I was down there, in fact. I brought it down when the two of you forgot it. But then he gave me the keys and told me to take you on a tour of the bay.”

“You weren't exactly going to argue that, huh, Gorgeous?” Your cheeks flush a little, heat rising to your face as you busy yourself inside the hamper, praying the sturdy wicker will hide your facial expressions.

It takes you a few minutes to compose yourself again as you pull out the two plastic champagne flutes and the bottle of sparkling juice that you were searching for - not that they were easy to miss in the mostly empty basket. “I missed you, Jay. It feels like we've barely seen each other this week. So yeah, I wasn't going to argue with my dad.”

“C'mere, Gorgeous.” He holds one hand out for you and you're only too eager to skirt the edge of the blanket to take it securely. You kick off your sandals and curl into his side, pecking his cheek as he deftly wrangles the bottle of juice open and pours out healthy portions. It's sticky and sweet, the bubbles exploding across your tongue in a way that makes your nose wrinkle as it itches from the fizzy onslaught of your palate.

“That is…. Unpleasantly sweet baby doll. Any reason why we're not grabbing beers from the cooler?” You can see the disgust on his face as he pops a couple of chips into his mouth to chase the taste of artificial flavoring out of his mouth.

“It was in the fridge and it seemed like a shame to waste it.” Jake just screws the cap back onto the bottle and shoves it back into the basket. 

“That's going to stay there until we get back to the docks and then we'll dump it in the nearest trash can. That pretty little mouth is too good for the likes of that to be on your tongue.” Jake looks so genuinely offended on behalf of your tongue that you can't restrain the laughter which spills out of you.

“It’s just some grape juice, Jay! There’s nothing inherently offensive about it!” He’s snickering too as he tugs you in and pecks your lips. It starts off as a clumsy kiss, considering how you’re both laughing, your teeth colliding in the moments before you melt into each other and the kiss.

“Mmm, maybe so…” He looks like the cat that’s got the cream as he looks over your face though. “But you taste better like this than that juice ever could. And well, there was something absolutely delicious which I sipped on this morning which was even better.”

God, you love this man. You love his mouth, his face, his demeanor, you love everything about him. You even love how he takes your breath away just by being himself. You still flush at his comment, of course you do. It’s not every day after all, that you bring a man home and he wakes you up with multiple orgasms - orgasms which you have to muffle into the flesh of your arm so your dad doesn’t hear. You hadn’t been able to meet his gaze all morning, feeling the sting of his stubble on your thighs and how sore he’d made you. 

“That was a dirty move, Seresin.” You busy yourself making up plates of food so you don’t start giggling at the face he makes when you call him by his last name instead of his first. Of course you also have to contend with his arms wrapping securely around you and how you end up on his lap. But that’s okay too, sharing a plate with your fiancé in the spring sunshine. It’s an idyllic afternoon, and somehow you can tell, the rest of your life is going to be just like this, full of love and laughter as long as Jake and you face it together. 

Taglist:

@love2write2626 @little-wiseone @eli2447 @f1maverick @djs8891  @shanimallina87 @chaoticassidy @kmc1989 @dempy  @mamaskillerqueen @abaker74 @marvelouslyme96  @daddymack01 @desert-fern @horseshoegirl @dakotakazansky  @sarahsmi13s @teacupsandtopgun @cherrycola27  @thedroneranger @roosterforme

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE, ON WATTPAD, OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE, WATTPAD, OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

#star writes #top gun fanfic #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick fanfic #top gun maverick fanfiction #hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin x reader #sometimes all you need (a getaway car)

[loving08]

Love or Pain

Nicholas leister x reader

summary: Y/N and Nicholas has been best friends since childhood but Y/N started to have feelings for Nick. will she confess her feelings to him or the entry of Noah in their life will change everything??

Part 5

It was the first time Nick had behaved like that towards her so she doesn't know what to do, it's like they had a fight or something. It's been 2 weeks now, they haven't talked yet she wants to talk to him but the look he gave her while leaving, she's not being able to forget that.

Y/N just sighed and continued to lay on her bed when suddenly she remembered about their secret place. they would always go there to spend some time whenever they would feel sad or needed some space. she thought going there for some time will get her mind off from all the things and boy.... she was so wrong!!!

When she arrived at their place she comes out of the car and took a deep breath, just breathing the scent is already making her feel better. She walked ups to the road to go and sit where the scenery is perfect, where she and Nick would always enjoy each other company.

she reached near the spot when she saw two figures already sitted there, they have always thought maybe no one knows about this place, she just sighed and thought of going back when she heard it, she heard Nick's laugh and got confused. Is Nick's here? if he is, who is there with him? she wanted to confirm her guess and took some steps forward to get a clear view and then she saw, Nick and Noah together laughing at something. she felt hurt, why did Nick brought her here? it was there place only for both of them so why? not even their parents or friends knew about this place?? she was so deep in thoughts that she didn't realize Nick has already spotted her.

When Nick saw Y/N he felt a little pain in his heart, he hadn't seen her for 2 weeks, he missed her and he wanted to apologize to her how he behaved towards her, so he called her name to caught her attention and when he did, he felt a strong sense of pain, even if she is standing at a far distance he can see her hurt look. He stands up to go over to her when she turned and run away from there, he widened his eyes and ran after her. He soon caught up to her and took hold of her hand, made her turn around and said "why are you running Y/N? why are you running away from me??".

Y/N looked at him hurt and said "you brought her here, how can you do that Boo, it was our place, our safe place we have never told anyone about here and you just brought her without even thinking about my feelings, how dare you, how can you do this Boo" and tears started to fall from her eyes. "I know I know but I didn't think it was a big deal Bee, its not like its a secret place that no one will know about it" Nick said. Y/N just doesn't know what to say anymore, what had happened in this 2 weeks, he was never like that, how can he change so much in such a small amount of time.

she wiped the tears from her face and said "what had happened Nick, you were never like this, you would have never done something like this to hurt me ever, is her coming in our lives changed everything so much and if I remember correctly just some days ago you didn't wanted to get along with them and now you are letting her come and interfere in our lives". Nick looked at Y/N and said "C'mon Y/N don't be so dramatic, I know I was being like that but after getting to know her I don't think she's bad anymore and I think you are still forgetting what you have done to her, she was very upset Y/N, you should atleast apologize to her".

Y/N can't believe what she's hearing and said angrily "are you stupid Nick, how can you believe her when she said I told her to do that, you have known me for so long, we have been friends since diapers and you believed someone you have known for what, not even for a month, are you kidding me and yeah you said to apologize to her, never. Why should I apologize for a something I never did, she herself had gone to Ronnie, she planned that Nick. I don't know why she is doing this but believe me Nick it was all her please". Nick shook his head and said "how can you say that about someone Y/N, why will she let herself get harm, I mean she told me how rude you were being to her when I was not around but I didn't believed her but now its looks like she was right".

Y/N just continued to looked at him, feeling her heart getting broken and hurt with every words leaving his mouth, Nick looked at her in the eyes and said "were you always this rude and mean Y/N, was all this year were you faking everything, anything you ever did was it really from your heart or you just wanted to win people over". Y/N let out a bitter and painful laugh and said "you know my mom always told me loving someone feels amazing, its such an beautiful feeling that you cannot even describe it in words but she never told me that if the person you love hurts you, it will hurt this much". Nick started to realize he may have done something wrong or has assumed the situation wrong, he was not liking the way their talk was going and said "what are you talking about Bee, I can't understand".

"I love you...., I have loved you since our childhood, I never said anything to you about my feeling because I knew you never thought of me that way". Nick was shocked, he never thought she loved him in that way, yes he did felt a flattering feeling around her over the years but today listening to her stirs something inside his heart.

he just looked at her wide eyed and with a shocked look, Y/N looked at his face and felt nothing but hurt, she turned to leave but before that she wanted to tell him one last thing so she turned back to him and said "I have always supported you, cared for you and loved you but maybe.... maybe that was not enough. I am hurt Nick way too much, loving someone shouldn't hurt this much right, then why do I have to get hurt". she put her hand on his face and softly said "I can't let you hurt me anymore Nick, if I did I don't think I will survive, I will get shattered and that's why from today we will not see each other anymore, I will keep my distance.... Don't think that I'm abandoning you, I am not, I'm just trying to protect my heart, myself....".

she smiled sadly at him and said "it was good knowing you...., Goodbye Nickolas" and gently kissed his cheeks and got inside her car and left there with a broken heart.

Nick looked ahead at the disappearing car crying, realizing what he had done, not only he didn't realize your feelings for him but also how he had hurted you and now...., now he knows what those feeling he felt for you all these years, now he can name them, now he realized that he also loves you but its too late.... he had broked you.

Part 6

#nicholas leister #nicholas leister x reader #nicholas leister x y/n

[angelltheninth]

Hello. How are you doing?.

May i request for vander? It is my first time so i hope i don't miss up.

How about vander meeting his childhood friend.( Also his lover -gn reader) after some long time.

Thanks and sorry for i did something wrong.

Nothing wrong here, you're great Anon don't you worry.

Pairing: Vander x Reader

Tags: fluff, reunion, childhood friends to lovers, ex-lovers, exes to lovers, flirting, rekindled feelings, second first date, good dad Vander

A/N: Combing the cuteness of childhood friends to lovers with the angst of exes to lovers. Great combo.

Been many years since you've last seen Vander

You'd parted on good terms, him just starting a new life with the two girls he'd adopted, and you wanting to travel around to find a new goal in life

It had been fun, meeting new people from new places, but eventually your mind, and your heart pulled you back to Zaun

Of course you had to sit at your favorite seat and order your favorite drink, immediately catching Vander's eyes, and his small smile

He made his way to you right away

He was surprised to see you were back in Zaun, and even more that you didn't tell him you were coming back

Don't get him wrong, he is very happy to see you again, but you should have let him know you were visiting, he would have closed up for the day to have a drink with you

But then again you can always do it after hours, if you don't find it awkward that is

There's no bad blood between you two so you don't see why not, it'll be good to catch up

As teenagers you used to drink on rooftops a lot, it was always nice to see the neon lights of Zaun from there

No reason to break that tradiation

You do notice that he seems a lot more tired these days, and it's not just because he's been through war, or because he's aged, it's also because now he's taking care of his kids, all on his own too

Vander never talked about having a big family when you were together

He seems to have adapted to the parental role rather well from what you've seen, it's cute

Naturally he still remembers you favorite drink and he brings it up to your old hang out spot

It doesn't feel like much has changed when you're like this, at the same time it feels like you're completely different people

One thing that hasn't changed is his good looks as far as you're concerned

Actually he might have put on more muscle if possible

He doesn't think so but he does flex for you, just in case you wanna check for yourself

Nah, he's wearing a little too much clothes for you to tell properly

As happy as he is to see you, and maybe it's the drinks talking when he says he'd love to take you to bed, he can't be as reckless as he once was, he's got a family now

You'd never come between him and his kids, he loves them too much, that's obvious

You're not back for good either, but maybe while you're here, you could see where the night takes you

Straight back into his arms, that's where

#arcane #arcane x reader #vander x reader #arcane imagines #arcane headcanons #vander imagine #vender headcanons #league of leguends #league of legends x reader #league of legends imagine #league of legends headcanon #arcane fluff #league of legends fluff #x reader

[icedmetaltea]

Yesterday was ok, today anxiety's been awful again...

(rambling abt anxiety and nonsense venting below)

felt dizzy/bit of vertigo throughout the morning and when I checked my BP it was 154/108 so that scared the shit out of me... I took a bit of propranolol and that seems to be helping but I'm worried bc when I asked about what a dangerous BP was my stepdad said 160 and up and that's uncomfortably close. The last time it was high it was only like 140/90 so this was really scary

I called the number the crisis ppl give me from a resource sheet on friday again since I never got a response after leaving a message on monday but this time they told me to call yet another number and they said I couldn't get any kind of help till I came to their office to fill out some forms and like??? I CAN'T LEAVE MY FUCKING APARTMENT

Do these people never get ppl with severe agoraphobia?? The last time I had a full-on panic attack I screamed at the top of my lungs and had to call 911 to get ppl to calm me down so I'd stop hyperventilating, you want me doing that in public again??????

Anyway she told me I can call the supervisor and see if she could make an exception in my case BUT ofc she wasn't available and I had to leave a message, no clue when I'll hear back and when I do I doubt she'll even be able to help me

I fucking hate this system. This is why so many people kill and hurt themselves. When they are lost, when there's nowhere else to turn. When the crisis ppl come they give you a whole list of resources but what is there for people like me who are stuck at home, broke, unable to work bc they literally cannot function like this when it gets this bad every couple of months (sometimes more frequently)

it's either go to a psych ward where they'll pump you full of meds that'd just give me the same "locked in" panic attacks which trust me are far worse than toughing it out at home where at least it isn't bright and loud and horrible or face shit on your own

I thought it was starting to get better, yesterday I cooked 3 meals for myself, I went outside and sat on the step for 5 mins, today I can't get out of bed bc every time I try the room spins. Even when I'm laying down like this it's bad. Even if I close my eyes it's bad... I slept better last night and I thought I was doing well but no, midway through the day everything's horrible again. I keep feeling out of breath no matter how many deep breaths I take... other times I feel like there's "too much air" and I'm breathing too fast and can't slow it down... how do I even describe it??

I feel like I'm going insane but at the same time I know it's been this bad and worse before. I remember my childhood. I remember laying on the floor struggling to breathe, alone. I remember begging god to take this sensation of dread to go away, or to just let me die. Anxiety has a habit of always seeming... idk unfamiliar? No matter how many panic attacks you have, they always feel new

and what's worse is I can't even remember how I eventually always overcome these phases bc I ground rule growing up stemming from OCD I had at the time was I wasn't allowed to write anything in a journal bc it was "bad luck" or something (at the very least my OCD isn't nearly as bad these days) Idk if it takes days, weeks or months to get better. If I spend half a year or longer just waiting for things to get better then like um... it kinda becomes a quality of life issue, doesn't it?

Idk maybe it's the weather. It's 65 rn, yesterday it was mid forties, so maybe that's it. Well then I'm fucked bc it's only gonna get warmer as it approaches summer, and ya know climate change and everything wooooo

Doesn't help that the past two times when my stepdad witnessed me having those really bad attacks he said I should go to a padded cell or something... I know where he grew up there was no such thing as mental illnesses or therapy, only "crazy and not crazy", but damn it hurts. At least my bio dad understood what was going on to some extent. He knew anxiety was out my control, that I was going through it but that it didn't make me "crazy", just that my body was reacting physically to something seemingly unsurmountable on a mental level.

My stepdad was even surprised when I told him anxiety is the second most common mental illness nation-wide. I've talked to many other bad anxiety-sufferers, the reason you don't see us outside a lot is bc most of us are inside afraid to leave our houses! We're literally just trying to survive in bodies with malfunctioning nervous systems and in a society that literally is built around causing stress on a daily basis- on normal people, so just think about how that is if you literally have the being-stressed-out disorder my guy

it also seems like whenever I talk to my mom about this she tries to immediately talk about something else. Like I messaged her earlier today and when I brought up feeling dizzy and having a high BP she just said "Sorry you're having a challenging day! We're at the library getting library cards. Libraries are nice!" like sure some ppl like talking about light hearted stuff to distract them but sometimes I just need someone to be there and listen, you know? All it does is make me clam up and bottle all my emotions in, which ofc makes it worse.

I'm scared to check my BP again. I feel like there's something terribly wrong with my body but it's not as if I can see a doctor if I can't 1. afford it till medicaid processes or 2. fucking go to the doctor. You want me to have another one of those soul-crushing panic attacks and shriek around some stranger in an uber?? Hell no

So yea idk what to do. I have a math test this weekend and I've barely studied at all, can't get myself to focus on anything. I can't drop out again, I've already failed this class twice. I don't think they'd let me take it again and I'm pretty sure I've run out of financial aid to pay for it

Ofc mom and dad are gone, my sister said she'd visit me the other day but "forgot" to, so I'm alone. Completely and entirely alone.

The one thing I have going for me is the PMDD won't start up for another week or two so at the very least I have a will to live rn. Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand but since it's just anxiety atm I'm still able to have the motivation to cook and clean when I'm not ya know unable to get out of bed bc my heart is beating out of my chest

When it does come back, well... I'll keep those crisis numbers on speed dial. I've survived all this horseshit, I might as well make it worth something. Idk maybe the thing I'll keep living for rn is a fucking pet fish someday. I have to hold on to every tiny thing that gets me through the day bc there is a chance, even if extremely slim, that things will in fact get better

#irl stuff #vent #tw anxiety #tw panic attacks #tw suicide #tw mental health #journal #kinda

[a-queer-seminarian]

big ol' worry dump, i promise i'll post something rebloggable soon but i'm still processing everything and have not had time to write it coherently! cw queerphobia from the pulpit, church hurt, verbal violence, and brief csa mention (not a specific case)

SO. for anyone not keeping up, this past Sunday i visited my childhood church in ohio, and was devastated when near the end of his homily (Catholic word for sermon haha) my childhood pastor suddenly switched from celebrating the Spirit who bursts through closed doors to proclaiming that The Church Is Under Attack from people like the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. :/

After he finished and sat down, i stood up and got behind the lectern/pulpit to remind him and everyone in the room that queer and trans people have the Holy Spirit too, because his words implied otherwise. And i could not risk that any other person there felt suddenly and utterly alone — i had to make sure they knew that not everyone agreed with our priest's message.

(Here's a place you can watch a clip of the homily — obviously mega content warning for homophobia, please keep yourself safe and remember you are loved!! — as well as my response)

Not long into speaking, I was escorted peacefully out of the building. Two parishioners followed and found me outside, and thanked me for what i said. They were very sweet <3

As we were talking, another parishioner stormed out and got very, very verbally violent. It was scary shit.

Other parishioners eventually came out and led Scary Man away, thankfully. The church's other, younger & newer priest, Father Jim, also came out to apologize profusely to us. Then i went home. My wife and i flew home to Georgia the next morning.

____

and...stuff keeps happening.

i did not expect this to make the news, but it did. the Cleveland Plain Dealer wrote on it, and so have other papers across the country.

an officer called me to ask if i wanted to press charges on Scary Man. I don't, because i'm just not convinced the results would be helpful to actually stopping him from doing what he did again.

if anyone has resources or someone smart i could talk to for advice on alternatives to cops & court for a situation like this, please hit me up!!!

after agreeing to an interview with the Plain Dealer reporter, which used my first and last name, folks have been finding me on social media to offer their support, which actually has been so uplifting and i plan to post some of the messages later!

my parents are proud of me and support me BUT my mom is worried sick that someone is going to, like, find out where i live and come attack me. i'd be more worried that they find out who my parents are and go attack them, tbh.

i've had more sudden spikes of adrenaline in the past five days than i have in the past like, 2 years lol

i've also talked with more different individuals on the phone in the past five days than i had over the rest of 2023 so far

i was scrolling through twitter last night and randomly came across a tweet featuring a TikTok of a cut-down version of my priest's homily + my response...i really don't like what parts they cut out, or what they titled it. and it's got over a million views. :OOO

there's a lot of confusion in the replies — people who don't realize i'm a former parishioner, not an active one; people not knowing how to gender me which is fine but it's, you know, getting a little grating; and of course, people resorting to saying Father Tim must be "closeted gay" or otherwise have a Sinister Secret himself to say what he said...I hate that kind of rhetoric.

Not every person who spouts homophobia is secretly gay. The Biggest Homophobes are usually, shockingly, straight.

And flippantly suggesting that anyone, even a Catholic priest, is a pedophile without facts to back that accusation up only serves to harm csa victims — because then when there really is a case that needs to be pursued, people may not take it seriously.

one big thing that's bothering me about how everyone on every side of the debate is interpreting Father Tim's homily is they are focusing mostly on his condemnation of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence — and while I certainly oppose what he said about them, it's actually the first half of his message that scared me more: the stuff about the church being under attack and how Christians must defend it. He ended with a vague reminder to do so "peacefully," without any examples about how that's even done. And obviously, Scary Man didn't absorb that part of the message.

sigh. i was really hoping that agreeing to an interview with the plain dealer reporter who wrote the first article would give me a chance to explain why i felt i had to interrupt Mass, but unfortunately they didn't include those quotes. i'm really disappointed.

that article's title also says "attendee fired back," using exactly the kind of violence-coded language that I had a problem with in F. Tim's homily. So that's really unfortunate.

which is why i want to write up my perspective. i did send a long ass email to father tim the other night explaining what i did, why his message was hurtful AND fueled his parishioner's violence, and asking if we could talk about alternative ways to hold Scary Man accountable beyond the law. he hasn't responded yet.

anyway. yeah. it's been. a lot. good vibes and prayers are so very appreciated! and seriously, if anyone has resources about alternatives to legal action when we're dealing with someone who got very verbally violent and physically aggressive, i'd love some help figuring out what to do. also any thoughts about like, keeping myself safe? yeah

Anyway, gonna end with the affirmation that God made us Good; human diversity is what it looks like to be in the image of an Infinite creator; and queerness is a holy gift that the Body of Christ can't do without!!

Amen and amen.

#log #gonna start tagging these #Pentecost Incident

[tired-reader-writer]

I finally got some concrete details nailed down for my Ascendance of a Bookworm OC and the AU she's in, the AU features queerplatonic aroace-ish Ferdinand/OC with Myne as their adoptive daughter born in Werkestock, and Benno as a broke-ass Werkestock merchant due to the economy being wrecked by the civil war.

I'll put it under the cut:

Horaia was born in the Adalgisa Palace as one half of a twin set— the other half being a boy that looked just like her. Due to their mother having given birth to twins, their mana level was lower than was expected of the offspring of the flowers there, and so to compensate for the lower quality feystone her brother would produce, and because she too didn't have quite enough mana to be considered up to snuff to be either a collateral royal or a flower, it was decided that she would be raised as a seed and her feystone be shipped together with her brother's.

She recovered memories of her past life during this childhood in the Palace, or was supposed to, but due to being exposed to trug constantly her head was a mess and that affected the memory recovery process— she doesn't remember in the sense that Myne does, rather it's... fragmented. Hazy. Something familiar deep down on a gut instinct level but doesn't know why. She craves for things she doesn't know the name or shape of, the clack-clack-clack of the keyboard as she typed, even if she can't remember what a keyboard or a laptop is. Her instincts, reflexes, her morality, they're influenced by her past life but she doesn't know for sure where these instincts or moral compass are coming from. She'd do or say something and then be like “wait why'd I do that”. Though that level of awareness would only come after she's away from the Palace, while being stuck inside it and constantly inhaling trug her ability to tell whether she is [REDACTED] or Novem is severely compromised, and so she... floats through the days as [REDACTED] rather than the child she is supposed to be. As I'm assuming the Adalgisa Seeds are raised communally (if that's not the case in canon I'll just say this is an AU thing) “Novem” has the opportunity to... befriend? develop a potentially codependent dynamic? with Quinta, the boy taking solace in the “imaginary world” and “made-up stories” Novem would tell.

Things get spicy when the girl's twin, the other half of the singular “Novem”, somehow ropes the girl half into killing him and absorbing his feystone. Granted, the children didn't know for sure it would work, just that if they're gonna die anyways there's nothing to lose anymore and if he is to die then he wanted it to be by his sister's hand. So... she did. While her mental capabilities were hella compromised under trug. And somehow took her brother's feystone and swallowed it whole, basically cannibalizing her twin brother. The stone was actually absorbed into her, and the consequence of that was...

Well.

A surge of mana, his blending with hers, almost enough to kill her spontaneously, and... and inherited memories.

They won't be whole, of course. This was a very crude way of pulling this off, and in the end the girl is unable to tell who died and who survived— whether this current consciousness is the one that killed or the one that was killed taking dominance in the subsequent fever, whether she was the one who reincarnated or her brother was. Hell of an identity crisis.

Eventually Aub Ahrensbach, Gieselfried, takes her out of the villa just as Quinta (Ferdinand) was by Aub Ehrenfest, Adelbert. The reasoning I haven't pinned down yet, but the tentative one I have so far is that because she displayed the abilities beyond what an seed of Adalgisa should possess (I doubt they were taught or educated, seeing as they're supposed to be products, born to die, born to be export feystones). She is baptized as the first wife's (who is from Drewenchel) daughter.

Though Gieselfried likely thought he was bringing a son home only to realize that nope, that a girl my dude.

Horaia's gender identity shenanigans (and by the Seven does she got gender identity shenanigans) will be explored later perhaps in another post. For now though I'll just use she/her.

Horaia and Ferdinand reunite as first years in the Royal Academy, and whoopsie-doopsie their codependency might've ratcheted up to an eleven. Basing this on my own experiences as a child stuck inside a... shitty family and household with no escape in sight, the thing that gave me solace was stories. My grandmother's stories about her time spent in Russia, stories found in books, stories found in myths and comics and all that bullshit. It was a bit like escapism. I asked my grandma to tell me about her time in Russia again and again because it gave me comfort— that was the base inspiration for the early dynamic between Ferdinand (or rather, Quinta) and Horaia (or Novem) back when they were still stuck in the Adalgisa Palace, just Quinta taking comfort in the picture Novem's stories painted. And then they both escaped (as outlined above) and... well. Ten-year-old Ferdie isn't gonna be as much of a callous hard-ass shutting everyone out as thoroughly or harshly as his adult self, and so... well. They end up latching onto each other al la Ducky Syndrome™ and it's only reinforced by the time they spent together year-round at the Royal Academy without going home.

(The original plan was for her to be an archnoble not an archduke candidate so that she could more easily marry into Ehrenfest without being vetoed by Sylvester's parents for fear of Ferdinand obtaining a better match than their son so I made her take the scholar and knight courses because it made sense for her character— someone who's really interested in the scholarly pursuits like history and magic but loves moving her body loves being athletic to some degree both from the influences of her past life where she wanted to be a writer and historian and played volleyball in high school and while ditter isn't volleyball it's the closest thing to athletes they got in the academy but then I overhauled the AU and now Ferdinand is the one marrying into Ahrensbach to an archduke candidate so uh I accidentally made Horaia take three courses???? Whoops. But it makes sense for her character so I'm not gonna change it, even if it makes her a little OP. Yolo, booyah! )

Oh yes.

She is a ditter-head.

Dunkelfelger loooooves her.

“Wanna ditter?” “FUCK YES LET'S DITTER”

It's to the point Dunk wanted both her and Ferdinand in the duchy, and so they wrestled two betrothals: Ferdinand to Magdalena, Horaia to Werdekraft buuuuut we all know what Magdalena did so Ferdinand's betrothal was cut off.

And since one of the reasons why Horaia accepted marriage into Dunk was because Ferdinand's safety would be guaranteed and she can keep an eye on him better (remember, codependent ), she declares groom-taking ditter on Ehrenfest and wins, securing a betrothal to Ferdinand instead.

Groom-taking because Ferdinand consented.

Again, codependent.

And that's how Ferdinand marries into Ahrensbach.

They decide to go check on Werkestock because the place is in shambles and y'know, doesn't the Temple help w that??

So they go to the Temple (mostly Horaia's idea tbh) and help around with filling the land w mana via chalices or whatever

And accidentally stumble upon Werkestock's Foundation whoops dunno what its consequence is yet but it happened

Somewhere along the line Myne regains her memories and is going on a paper/craft/food rampage as one does, which catches Horaia's attention when she's downtown under disguise as a young man.

Don't ask. Or do. I did say she's got some gender identity shenanigans going on here.

So Myne gets adopted! This time willingly (Horaia convinced and explained stuff to her, this is relevant to the AU's themes and shit but my brain is starting to shut down so it'll have to be a topic for another day) and without the contract that bars her family from treating her as theirs. They regularly meet up in secret.

Much of Horaia and Myne's bond would be built on the fact that they make each other feel... a little less alone, if that makes sense. Less alone in their grief, less alone in the yearning for a home you can never go back to, less alone in having to cope with the dissonance between your previous world and this one. Solace in the fact that, despite how they most likely didn't grow up in the same society (Horaia is unlikely to have been Japanese, even if I have yet to decide where she's from) there's still someone who knows. What has become utterly meaningless in Yurgenschmidt isn't so worthless or meaningless to each other. A lot of “Well this matters. To me.” bouncing back and forth between each other. Someone who can at least partially understand what Myne is on about and how she differs from Yurgenschmidt nobility's paradigms, where she's coming from, and attempt to bridge the gap.

They're also horrid little gremlins undoing each other's domestication and enabling each other's nonsense, much to Ferdinand's vast dismay.

Meanwhile Ehrenfest may or may not be imploding. You tell me.

Little things about Horaia's past life:

She wanted to become a novelist and a historian. Has a lot of Feels™ about both of her interests.

Had a totally healthy (lying) appreciation for libraries.

She was younger than Urano Motosu when she died.

She submitted one of her drafts/manuscripts to a publisher, but died before she got a response back.

She feels that her writing and the story style she does probably wouldn't be appreciated in Yurgenschmidt and that... bothers her more than she'd admit.

Horaia is Ahrensbach's current Knight Commander.

Myne is also on the aroace spectrum in this AU. Fight me bro (don't actually, I just got out of another fight on this matter and I'm tired okay?)

Myne's noble name in this AU is something different, I'm liking “Enheduanna” a priestess and the first known author in Earth history iirc, but we'll see if I find another one I like.

And here we have a sample writing thing from Horaia's POV while stuck in Adalgisa Palace :3

#ascendance of a bookworm #honzuki no gekokujou #liminal au #I definitely need a better name for this damn au #horaia (oc) #ferdinand #myne #rozemyne #or should I say #Enheduanna (Myne) #I know shipping Ferdinand w anyone other than Myne and Myne w anyone other than Ferdinand is blasphemy #(or at least it is on discord—) #but hear me out okay? HEAR ME OUT #AROACE FAMILY TRIAD HUZZAH! #finally brave enough to put this stuff out in the world (I kinda did on discord too but) #hope this was interesting to at least somebody here #who's that? me breaking the fandom's homogeneity! #rotten egg's shitty writing #liminal: the unstraying

[hakuna-machete]

Ok so stream of consciousness... OH MY GOD the scene of Wally and his mom where he breaks down next to her and then lets go of the jersey and perfect son persona BROKE me Especially with the memory of her pushing him back into the game implied that that is how he DIED. TEARS streaming down my face I swear. Like the ACTING in that scene. You can see in his eyes when he looks up at her cheering and yelling that he realizes she is stuck in that fake memory of him loving football and football being his life because it is HER life and she is there to celebrate the game that KILLED her son because she won't recognize or doesn't see that it was her insistence that he go back into the game even when he was hurt, even when he didn't want to, that got him killed.

The scenes with him and Maddie at the game were really sweet and I loved the delivery of his "you want to go to the dance with me" and then immediately back tracks, it was so genuine. Maddie is definitely in no place emotionally to be in a relationship but they are very cute.

Now into the meat:

So I've watched a lot of supernatural shows and so far this is not giving me supernatural horror. I can't see a twist where Mr. Martin is suddenly evil and eating souls. Usually with that kind of genre there are SOME kind of hints throughout the show. Even small ones in the background but so far nothing. Not even in tone. Maybe they will come in the coming episodes? Maybe they will do a big switch reveal at the end and pull it off really well who knows? Like if I had to stretch it I could put together someone liking Nicole's photo with Maddie's account, Maddie's back pack/squatter situation, the video being sent to Maddie's friends as possibly Janet possessing Maddie's body theory. But why would Janet hang around town in the body of a missing girl or try to help that girl's friends solve her "murder/disappearance"?

With Nicole's random shady moment at Maddie's mom's trunk and talk about forgiveness I think the hazy memory Maddie had of a fight in the boiler room may be between her and Nicole. But I do not think Nicole killed her. Nicole definitely thinks Maddie is alive. Her reaction to the like from Maddie's account on her photo and her behavior at the horror festival point to her genuinely believing that Maddie isn't dead. I think in the fight Nicole may have hurt Maddie and thinks that's why she ran away and is desperate to get her back because she feels so guilty.

Claire.... With the info we got in 1x05 Claire is giving less killer vibes and more kid in an abusive/unstable home who became ruthless and hard to survive and will do whatever it takes. Her early childhood was clearly unstable and frightening for her and then her mother marries "that rich guy" clearly one of those "leader in the community" types where image means everything. So now she has this perfect autobot sort of outer shell that she uses on everybody and it actively freaks people out when it slips and they can see how angry and scared she is underneath. Like she genuinely looked and sounded like a robot in that early scene with the other contender for homecoming queen. Maybe she did kill Maddie because she thought Maddie knew about her blackmailing the teacher? Maybe she is so stressed out because with that teacher caught, her scam could possibly be exposed and whatever consequences from her mother and stepfather are terrifying to her?

I love that Maddie is pretty self centered. It's just so very true. It's annoying and frustrating and genuine. She is a seventeen year old girl who was just MURDERED and she doesn't remember why or how or who and she just learned that ghosts are REAL and she is one and she is stuck in her high school possibly for DECADES and she has an alcoholic mother who she takes care of and her boyfriend may have murdered her but maybe not but he DEFINITELY cheated on her and her teacher that she really looked up to and took care of her was shady and may have done something to her but maybe it was one of her former friends that she had to abandon because of her mom and she can talk to one of her friends but no one else and is SO reliant on him and the other ghosts want her to move on and sure, some of them are nice and cool and she likes them but she can't really bond with them because she is so angry and depressed but she is still a kind person and in between all the chaos and horror her life is now she reaches out to them in the way she can but she is still SO DETERMINED to find out who killed her and why because just because she is dead doesn't mean she is GONE and she will keep fighting no matter what. I love Maddie.

#school spirits