#I’m currently on my period and I feel like I could break down any moment. I’m very emotional and I think the stress from the past few weeks
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- let the light in.
┈⋆⭒ lando norris x rival femdriver!reader [2.4k]
┈⋆⭒ part 3 !
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⎯ find all parts here!
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⎯ contains: 18+, smut, swearing, angst, handjob LOL
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⎯ a/n: sorry for my little hiatus I was really trying to think about what im trying to do with this story.
.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⎯ comment if you wanted be added to taglist
by all accounts Spain had been...interesting. considering the close proximity in which you came into with a certain man by which you (or at least thought) certainly disliked.
A sense of unease followed you in the coming week, a kind of distrust. With yourself? It was an odd feeling, unlikely to be exactly pinpointed so it was more or less thrust far back into your mind, his lingering, burning touch hopefully soon forgotten.
You were eager to more or less throw yourself into training, it was Monaco after all, the race every driver wanted to win. You were not an exception.
-
You saw Danny for dinner on Tuesday and it was actually very refreshing, you had taken some convincing (done by yours truly) to actually attend, by in doing so you did actually have a good time. He was Danny Ric of course you were gonna have a good time. Anyway, you were walking around Monaco much too late, talking about the season and actively trying to avoid any talk about his current teammate. He mentioned he was worried about you.
“Why?”
“Oh just you know, sometimes I see a bit of myself in you and I know how I can get.”
Your eyebrows furrowed, he cared so much. Danny had never been your teammate but youd drifted together through one force or the other and he'd been nothing but nice to you. You understood where he was coming from, you guess you were similar, the same kind of persistent optimism, sarcasm, devotion, not knowing when to stop pushing, problems of burning out etc;
“I’m fine”
He waits for you to continue, you do.
“I mean, I think, it's just all a lot. I've wanted to be in Formula One for as long as I can remember and now that I’m here, it's still like everyday I'm fighting to be here. And it's not all just about being a girl either, like most of it is but still. It's like there's something inside me that's almost contradicting my existence, like I'm not meant to be here. It's pushing me forward and also pulling me back. I don't know how to explain it.”
You take a deep breath and try to keep your voice steady as you continue.
“There's just so much that I want to achieve and I don't even think I believe I can do it.”
Your voice wobbles only slightly as you pause walking and look at him, suddenly breathless.
He looks at you with so much understanding you could break down into tears. He extends an arm and pulls you into a side hug as he continues down the street slowly walking.
“I think when you first do this that's how everyone feels, like they’re lying to themselves or that they don’t deserve it, but believe me when I tell you Dylan you are so deserving, more than so many drivers and you will get there. The isolation will dissipate and your body will realign and you’ll know what to do and how to do it and you’ll truly believe in yourself and your life won't be pushing and pulling at you anymore, i know its hard and i hate to say it, but time is truly your best friend in shit like this.”
You don't know how danny seemed to always know what to say but the words he spoke resonated with you and made something click, the rest of the walk home was lighter as you reached your hotel just after midnight, saying goodbye to Danny and watching him walk off into the lit streets of Monaco, quiet, peaceful and picturesque. You were amongst the other drivers who didn't (yet) live in Monaco, but you loved every moment you visited. Yes it was a posh persons wet dream, but it was undeniably beautiful in every part and you loved the safeness as a woman too. Though you'd have to admittedly work on your french.
When Thursday rolled around and you had to go to the track, ending your period of peace, it was gratefully uneventful, not once did you see who you had prayed you wouldn’t and that was enough to leave the paddock with a smile. Friday was less than satisfying however, achieving not even in the top 10 in either practices. Saturday and Sunday, were thankfully a different story, you had qualified well, pulling your car into P4. You were happy, the car was happy and you were focused, the chat with Danny had made you in some way looser?
You had mixed emotions about the part of the day in which you would attend the drivers parade. On one hand you could argue that it was a bit of a break from the seriousness, a time where drivers genuinely just chat shit while people look on and occasionally get asked questions, but on the other you could also argue that its kinda pointless and stupid. Regardless all the drivers piled into the moving vehicle and settled into a chatter of conversation in their respective “groups”. Just by your luck, as you eased into a conversation with Danny and George, Lando decided to join in. You didn’t ignore the look up and down he gave you before swiftly intervening in the conversation. For some reason the minute Lando joined in you were mute, not cintrivuting to the conversation in the slightest bit, other than nudging Danny every now and again to point something/someone out. You spoke few words with Lando present and even fewer when prompted by him to speak. At a point George simply dragged you away and talked to you one of one to save the awkward silence that seemed to surround the you and Lando. You had never found George unattractive, but at the same time you werent attracted to him either, which you thought in the moment he wasnt understand, as everything he said he would lean closer, almost intimate. Not too obvious, not romantic, but obvious enough, atleast to you and the eyes that you felt bore into the back of your head from a certain McLaren driver. Waling through the paddock following the drivers parade was always an ordeal, fans were out and you signed caps and shirts and skin and took photos, before finally making it anywhere near your garage. That was a part of the fun honestly, you always thought: The fans. You hear familiar voices and try not to eavesdrop, though subconsciously straining to hear, it's muffled and you only make out. “Shes not” “Dude” “fuck” “embarassing” “gross” “come on?” “you jealous?” your spying however is put to an end when none other than George Russel and Lando Norris round the corner to where you stood or recently stood, because as soon as you heard shuffling you resumed movement so they didn’t know that you were really just standing there listening to whatever the fuck they were saying.
“Speak of the devil” Lando says with a smirk.
You don't fully register the meaning behind that line however, still relishing in the fact they didn't know of your habit to eavesdrop.
“You're such a twat” George says, and more or less storms off.
You watch as he goes, still silent and then turn towards Lando.
“You’re actually such a dickhead ”
Lando scoffs before continuing.
“I was the one defending your dignity, George was drooling at you, its embarrassing”
You raise your eyebrows at him
“George?”
“Oh come on you're not that naive, he's so into you it's disgusting.”
“piss off”
“No seriously Mr Russell was in a seductive mood” it's said with an air of humour and you nearly laugh.
“George was trying to seduce me?” you let a deep breath out of your noise, nearly letting loose a laugh.
“And how exactly would he go about that huh?” you continue sarcastically.
‘Hmmm” his eyebrows straighten and his whole face looks as though it changes composition.
You move to go, sick of whatever the fuck Lando wants to play with you, you round the corner, reaching a small end of a hallway with no current people near and suddenly hes there too. Lips grazing the top of your ear. His body was against yours and radiating with heat, breath fanning your temple.
“Like this?” his voice is too fucking low, too fucking delicious and your mind is begging for you to succumb, but you cant, you wont.
“Youre a fucking asshole” its said through your teeth and you dont make any action to move your body away from his.
He hummed in response, simply moving his breaths down your neck.
“You mean it?” a smirk paints his face
“I hate you” the words come out more breathless than you'd hoped.
He laughs into the skin of your neck, you're still not moving, unable to move. In fear giving into him.
You close your eyes in hopes to centre yourself but it's impossible to ignore the heat that seems to surround you, your blood flows like molten lava through your veins and every breath is staggered and fractured. Opening your eyes was a mistake, Lando is looking at you with someone that could be moulded into admiration and his pupils are blown. You can't stop the way your back arches to meet him and suddenly your hands are in his curls and his mouth is on yours. It is so sweet, so filthy, so hateful. The way your mouths are moving against each other, his hands grasping at your back while you pull at his hair, you notice as you pull away the way he bites his lip, as if to not make any noise.
Well that's rich, he doesn't get to pretend he hasn't been the one chasing after you, acting all shitty just cause you’ve been the only girl not to fall to your feet at the sight of him.
He deserved a taste of his own medicine, you moved your lips off his and his eyes widened slightly thinking you're stopping whatever this was. Not yet. You move your lips down to his necks and begin to kiss him until you reach where he tenses at, figuring that's your best shot. You find the spot just above his clavicle and he inhales sharply before biting his lip. You were getting somewhere, focusing on this singular spot had Lando more desperate than before, biting so hard on his lip you thought it might bleed and gripping your waist so tightly you thought it might bruise if he adjusted his grip anymore.
The next idea that hit you was albeit self-indulgent but you thought would get your point across, or atleast suffice some of Lando’s infatuation with you just enough to clear your mind of him.
While one of your hands holds firmly his curls while you kiss his neck fervently, your other hand drops down further, trailing over the muscle that lay taut and hot underneath his fireproofs. His throat bobbed and he threw his head back only slightly, making an incoherent noise that made you smile against his neck, his control lost and gained so fast. Soon after your other hand left the back of his head, he dropped it onto your shoulder, still fiercely remainly quiet as you moved the other hand down his back, both hands reached under the material at the same time and his body was hotter than you had ever thought possible, retaining so much heat you are surprised there wasn't some kind of steam coming off of his skin. You pull his race suit down lower so it meets his middle thighs, his forehead still resting on your shoulder, keeled over. Pulling the material of his fireproofs up so you could actually see the muscle that was residing under there was fucking awe-inspiring, the small gap that you allowed yourself to see, breathing hard and fast, watching the muscle, the skin go out and in which each breath, you were nearly hypnotised.
“Im not gonna fucking beg tait”
His voice is rough but fractured and static, not portraying the toughness you think he’d like it too. It's your turn to hum in response as you move your hands achingly lower to where he is painfully and unbearingly hard for anything you do. The minute your hand makes contact with the sensitive skin he gasps, you relish in the noise and you slowly move your hand around him, gathering the pre cum that coats the tip and focusing on it, slow moments make him shake and he's suddenly making small, consistent noises that only egg you on more. You hated to admit that the power in the movement was absolutely superb, enough to ignore the ache between your own legs. You twist your hand slightly causing a strangled groan to come from Lando followed by a “fuck you” though its not too aggressive. You speed it up and soon he's breathing too fast, his eyes are fluttering and he’s so close. You position your hand and fingers at just the right part of him and he's coming hard and fast and hot and heavy in your palm. Followed by a deep, long breath and then a swift laugh. Lando Norris just came in your hand in his fucking racesuit. If that wasn’t karma that while he sung the national anthem he’d have cum in his fucking pants you didnt know what was.
“That's for the crash and all the shit in the press.” you know how it must sound, that you'd just jerked him off and now you're labelling it as payback, but to the relationship that you both held it was pretty much just that. You slip out from under him, smoothing your hair and wiping your hands on his race suit. His face has fallen and hasn't moved, though he moves his arm to steady himself.
You don't look back as you finally walk out of the corner of that measly little hallway, grateful that nobody happened upon you two.
“Fuck you” its quiet but loud enough to hear and its almost….whiny?
The ache between your legs has dissipated by the time you climb into the car, eager to get anything else into your head than the one that had been resting on your shoulder that day.
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@aphroditeisamilf, @chonkybonky
#source: cafekitsune#f1#f1 fic#lando norris#f1 x reader#f1 x you#lando norris fanfic#lando x reader#lando norris smut#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris fic#lando norris series#lando norris enemies to lovers#lando norris rivals#lando norris x you#lando norris angst#lando norris fluff#lando norris x y/n
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Day, Week, and Forever
Wanting to fill the silence in the car, Mulder asks Scully an interesting question.
I am always thinking about story ideas, living in my own head, and this came to me. I love thinking of the times when they were driving for miles and miles and what they would discuss in those moments.
Hope you enjoy it. ❤️
May 1999
“If you could be an animal, what kind of animal would you choose?” Mulder asked, breaking the current silence in the car.
“What?” Scully asked, turning her head to look at him.
“Enlighten me, Scully, and tell me the animal you would choose to be if given the opportunity,” he said with a grin, but then his expression changed as he remembered something and he scoffed. “And don’t say Eleanor Roosevelt’s beloved childhood cat or something as mundane as that.”
“What would be wrong with that choice?” she asked and he gave her a pointed look before turning his attention back to the road. “I’m sure if she had a cat it would be much beloved.”
“Boring,” he breathed as he shook his head and she laughed softly.
“Okay,” she said and he glanced at her as she shifted in her seat. “Am I this animal forever?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, am I picking said animal with the thought that I will forever be that animal or is this a one day type thing?”
“I don’t see the difference.”
“There’s a huge difference,” she said, crossing her legs as she looked at him, gesticulating with her hands. “I might not want to be one animal forever, but maybe… a couple different ones.”
He grinned and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he thought.
“Okay. Day, week, and forever. They can be the same or different. What would they be and why? Go.”
“Okay.” She turned her head and looked out the window, but then looked at him again. “Will I be safe?”
“What?”
“As this animal. Will I be safe? I won’t be prey for anything or harmed in any way?”
“Hmm. No,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re free to live your life as the animal of your choosing for the time period you’ve selected.”
“Good,” she said with a nod. “Then for the day, I’d like to be a fish.”
“A fish?”
“Mm-hmm. And not in a tank or anything. Out in the ocean.”
“Any particular species of fish?”
“Hmm… a parrot fish.”
“Okay. And why?”
“Because…” she said, a small smile on her face. “Well, the parrot fish in particular because I think they’re beautiful. Plus, they live in tropical environments, so the water would be warm.”
“Fair enough,” he said with a chuckle.
“And a fish in general, because I’d like to experience what it’s like to breathe underwater. To feel my gills moving to do so. And swimming. My mom used to say that I swam like a fish when I was younger. I’d like to know how that really feels. Swimming on my own, down in the quiet of the ocean.”
“You know, oceans aren’t actually quiet. There are-”
“The relatively quiet ocean,” she said, correcting herself as she rolled her eyes at him and he grinned.
“And for the week? Will you pick something similar to the fish?”
“No,” she said, smiling as she looked at him. “If it’s for a week, I’d like to be a horse.”
“A horse?” he asked in mild surprise.
“Yeah. But not a tamed one that’s kept in a stable and fussed over. Something wild… like a mustang living somewhere like New Mexico.”
“Okay. And why?”
“Well, while the animal isn’t the same, the reasoning is somewhat similar, I suppose,” she said with a shrug as she looked out the window. “The feeling I’d have to do what I wanted, when I wanted. I’d run on the plains or up the hills, through canyons… wherever really.”
“Alone?”
“No,” she said, turning her head to smile at him. “In a family group.”
“Of which you’d be the alpha mare,” he teased and she exhaled a laugh, looking back out the window.
“Most likely.”
“More than likely.”
“Imagine being a horse like that,” she said quietly. “Together with those you trust and care for the most. Running and roaming from place to place. Crossing rivers. Finding food. Seeing new foals born and watching them grow up. I think I’d like that.”
“But not forever,” he said, picturing a family group of horses beside a river at dusk. He could practically hear the young ones whinnying and the reassuring responses from the older ones.
“No,” she said with a sigh as she looked out her window again. “Not forever.”
It was quiet again and he glanced at her, wondering what she was thinking.
“If I had to choose which animal to be forever,” she said, nearly whispering. “I’d choose to be a cat.”
“A… a cat?” he asked, completely taken aback. “Of all the animals in the world?”
“Yeah,” she replied. “I’d be a cat. Specifically a cat living with an old woman in an even older farmhouse. It would look rather rundown from the outside, the paint fading and the porch steps sagging a bit, but it would be the best place I’d ever lived.”
“Tell me more about it,” he said, the image of a farmhouse appearing in his mind.
“She’d have a garden that she tended to every day,” Scully continued, leaning back in her seat and sighing. “There would be all kinds of vegetables, fruits, and flowers. I would lay in the shade provided by the large leaves, the sun warming me as she hummed and went about her work. She’d call me puss-puss when she was in the garden, sweet lady when she was cooking in the kitchen and I watched her from the chair she set aside just for me, and kitty-Katie when I laid beside her at bedtime, although that was not the name she gave me after I showed up at her porch one evening.”
“What was the name she gave you?”
“Adelia.”
He stared at her profile, marveling at the quickness to her response. It was as though she had thought of this scenario before he had asked.
“Adelia,” he repeated and she nodded.
“The old woman had lost a cat, you see. She’d had it for years and just before I showed up, it had passed. She didn’t want me, as her grief was too fresh, but I was in desperate need of help and she brought me inside. I still wasn’t doing well by the morning so she took me to the vet. When he saw me, he told her that I might not make it, but she said she knows I will. After three days, I was better and able to go home with her. Well now, she said to me as I curled up on her lap in her beat up old truck. I lost my sweet pussums and I was missin’ her terribly. I wasn’t lookin’ for a new cat and I certainly didn’t want you at first. But when he said you might not make it, I made a deal with the good Lord up above. And those kinds of deals well… ya have to stick to ‘em. So, my Adelia, aptly named for the deal I made with the man upstairs, we’re heading home. When you’re stronger and you’ve had some days layin’ out in the sunshine, we’ll set about to fulfill our side of the deal.”
She was quiet again and Mulder shook his head, his mind traveling in the truck with them as they rumbled down the road back to that old farmhouse.
“She’d made up a little spot for me on the porch for me to rest and sleep, but I preferred the rocking chair that sat in the corner,” Scully continued and now he was on the porch watching the old woman moving furniture around to accommodate the rescued cat. “It was her chair and she selflessly let me have it, bringing over another one to sit beside me. But eventually I would sit in her lap as she pet me, humming as she rocks the chair. When I’m stronger, she sets about fulfilling her promise. She grows the food in her garden and gives it to others who need it. She preserves, cans, and bottles anything she can and gives it to neighbors and people in town. I go with her on her deliveries and everyone says hello, giving me pets and scratches.”
Mulder exhaled, the details of the story making him feel that this had really happened. Or could happen.
The farmhouse, everything inside and surrounding it, was so clear in his mind, it was as though they could take a left turn up ahead and find it exactly as Scully had described.
“The old woman,” she said quietly. “She has a niece that comes to visit sometimes. She helps in the garden and listens to the old woman tell her how to can and preserve the fruits and vegetables. They laugh and stay up late into the night while I sleep on one of my various spots. But then, one day the old woman doesn’t get up early like she usually does. After that morning, she’s slower than normal and she tires out easily, spending most of the day in the porch rocking chair. I don’t mind as I get her full attention, purring happily as she pets me.”
“Hmm,” Mulder hummed, not liking where he knew the story was going.
“Adelia, the old woman says to me one day. Adelia, I feel a change in the air. In my very bones,” Scully said, letting out a sigh. “You’ve been a wonderful cat to me. A comfort like you’d never fully understand. And I’m sorry I’ll have to leave ya soon. You’ll be taken care of, I’ve seen to that, but I’ll miss ya, oh so very much.”
“Scully,” Mulder whispered warningly and he heard her sniff softly.
“The old woman’s niece comes to stay and I’m happy to see her, but it’s not the same. They aren’t up late laughing. They are quiet and the old woman doesn’t leave her bed much. Soon not at all. And then one day she does and she doesn’t come back.” Scully sniffled again, wiping her eyes. “I wait for her on the porch, look for her in the garden, meowing for her and waiting to hear her calling for me. But it never happens. People come over, lots of people. They give me scratches and pets, but I don’t want them. I only want the old woman. I sleep on her pillow and I don’t eat for a few days, not understanding where she’s gone and why I can’t find her. One night, the niece comes to the bedroom and lays down beside me, watching me with sad eyes. Hey, kitty-Katie, she says softly and my ears perk up. I know you miss her. I do too. But we’ve got each other. We’re going to be okay. I don’t understand exactly what she means, but I get up and lay down beside her, purring for the first time in days as she holds me and cries.”
Mulder gripped the steering wheel, blinking away the tears in his eyes and swallowing hard to get past the lump in his throat.
“When she starts to work in the garden, singing softly as she wears the old woman’s apron and big sun hat, I watch her from the porch. She sees me and smiles before she goes back to the garden. I walk off the porch, watching her curiously. I follow her, staying in the tall leaves where she can’t see me, waiting for something, though I don’t know what it is. Hey, puss-puss, she calls out and I meow and purr at the same time, running up to her and winding around her ankles. There’s a good girl, she says as she bends to pet me. When she stands up again, I see both her and the old woman. I lay down under the shade of the leaves, closing my eyes as I listen to her singing as she works.”
“Jesus Christ, Scully,” Mulder said, shaking his head. “I wasn’t expecting that. I was just attempting to fill the silence.”
“I didn’t anticipate it going that far,” she replied, sniffling as she too shook her head. “I honestly hadn’t ever thought about it before and it all just came to me. I could see it all happening so clearly.”
“Me too,” he whispered, still hearing the niece singing as she tended to the garden. “It was a really beautiful thought and told very well.”
“I do have an imagination, Mulder.”
“Yes, I am aware,” he said with a quiet laugh. “I admit, I was just surprised by the depth of the explanation.”
“Hmm. I’m sure you could have a field day analyzing the different animals and my reasoning behind each of them,” she said and he glanced at her as she wiped her eyes. “Especially the cat.”
“Adelia, you mean.”
“Yeah, Adelia,” she said with a smile.
“Nah,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t think I’d want to analyze it.”
“No?” she asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise.
“I think your reasons were good and made perfect sense. And I also think if I thought too much more about Adelia and the old woman, well… I might embarrass myself when I blubber like a giant baby.” She laughed quietly and he smiled. Seeing a road sign advertising places to eat, he pointed to it. “You hungry?”
“I could eat,” she said with a shrug. “And while we do, you could tell me your three animals, unless you have just one in mind.”
“Day, week, forever?” he asked incredulously. “Naaaaah, there will definitely be three and the first one will obviously be a dragon.”
“A dragon is not a real animal. You never said anything about mythical creatures being an option,” she stated and he shrugged as he turned on the blinker.
“Never said it wasn’t either. You didn’t ask.”
“Because you said animals. Not animals and mythical creatures.”
“Did you want to change any of your answers?” he asked as they exited the highway. Stopping at the light, he looked at her as she sat in thought.
“No. I’m happy with my choices,” she answered.
“Not even to be a pegasus instead of a horse?”
She raised her eyebrows and then frowned, shaking her head.
“No. I’m sticking with my choices.”
“Okay,” he said as he turned left. “But when my choices blow yours out of the water, just remember I gave you this chance.”
“I think I’m good,” she said as she rolled her eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips.
“We’ll see,” he replied, turning into the parking lot of the advertised diner.
But even as he told her his choices: a dragon, owl, and wolf, he could not help but think of that little old farmhouse and a cat hiding beneath the large leaves in a sunny and well tended garden.
#the x files#xf fanfic#season 6#driving#conversations in cars#filling the silence#Questions#Banter#Flirting#Friendship
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Is there a wrong or right way to learn to draw
I was told to keep practicing to learn anatomy by class mode by learning through timing in 30 seconds and that i could learn by learning to draw realistic or that there is a mode I need to draw. I just draw by practicing to draw humans but have no goal. This is how I’m learning to draw humans Just drawing til I like it. Should I have goal? When I draw in 30 days? Or by a time period and then plan it out each time. For learning like is there any correct way to draw? To like your style and reach a professional level?
You're welcome to take my opinions with a grain of salt, since I know I'm more of an outlier when it comes to this topic but--there is no right or wrong way to learn to draw.
Basically, my rule when it comes to drawing and learning is: are you having fun? Yes? Then you're doing it right.
Can you learn to draw by doing figure drawings, anatomy studies, muscle break-downs, etc. Most definitely! I've done lots of studies like that, they can be very helpful.
Can you also learn to draw by jumping from thing to thing, style to style, medium to medium? I mean, if you've seen my art, then you know, haha. I'm not an expert at any one thing, but I'm not too shabby at a lot of things.
From your ask, but feel free to correct me if I'm misunderstanding, it sounds like you're doing what you think you're supposed to do, which can be fine. But if you're not enjoying it, I do want to bring attention to that. It's okay to not study and just draw. It's okay to fiddle around, make junky art, or just explore.
I didn't used to do studies or proper practice--my art journey started with me just drawing my favorite characters because I wanted to draw them. Will it take longer to "get good" this route? Probably. Someone could definitely reach my level much faster than I did (plus, the resources available now are MUCH more plentiful than when I first started!).
But is it about getting good fast? Or is it about getting enjoyment out of life? You could absolutely hunker down and do studies for hours every day, and you could get pretty good pretty fast. But make sure you ask yourself if it's worth it. Stuff like that isn't sustainable for long periods if you hate it. And if you hate it, you might end up teaching your brain to hate art. And I'd MUCH rather you be less good at art, but happy, than be really good, but miserable.
That said, you can definitely set whatever goals you wish. If that helps motivate you and make things fun, then absolutely do it! And as for "liking your style", imo, this is more of a current mindset thing. Just like with 'liking your art'. If you've ever had a goal at something, and you reached that goal, you may have a moment of celebration, but a new goal is often made soon after. That goal post moved. Your ideals moved.
Your art will naturally change and grow over time, and constantly seeing other artists better than us can contribute to us feeling inadequate. No matter how good you get, someone will always be better. That goal post can never be reached.
Instead, try to focus on yourself. Look at your art journey as its own unique thing, not compared to others. You can like your art or your style at any point in your journey. You can want to change your style at any point. Just keep an eye on your mental health. I have two short YT videos on this topic that might help if you need it, here and here. (I don't mean to imply this is easy, but I like to remind others, and myself, when I can, to treat ourselves better!)
This is a very long answer, hopefully some of it made sense at least, I just woke up so my brain is still a little zzzz, haha. But just some food for thought. Best of luck on your art journey :)
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! KNOX HEADCANON !
when he does your makeup
( long thread, be warned i’m a detailed headcanon person, they/them pronouns for no specific gender, based off of the time period dead poets society is set in )
this is totally not inspired by like an AU script i made with an oc that is in a relationship with knox- noooo what are you talking about- *trips down a flight of stairs cartoon style*
just for context, my oc has their cosmetology license even though they’re a senior in high school (i’m just gonna assume that the requirements back then for beauty schools or apprenticeships is not the same as today, meaning high schoolers could probs get their licenses before they graduate) so they are very experienced with anything beauty related. knox always watches them do their makeup whenever they get ready together or he watches them work on someone else (can be anything from styling hair to waxing, facials, or manicures) and is just very curious and interested in the entire process no matter what type of beauty-related service they do
however, take this headcanon as you will and have fun with it<3
of course being the romantic gentlemen he is, he finds any little activity that has his s.o. close to him and making them happy is a win win in his book. so he let’s them practice makeup on him and he always loves the results. he’ll even ask for pictures of his face to show his friends how talented you are—he might or might not also steal the camera to get some pics of him kissing you afterwards as a big thank you gesture
however~~~~~ if you ask him to do your makeup instead, bro is overjoyed. like so elated to the point where it looks like if he jumps, he’ll go so high that he breaks into the ceiling and will be able to get onto the rooftop of welton and then probably jump up to touch a star that’s a gazillion light years away just for fun. you don’t quite know why he’s that excited but his energy is contagious nonetheless
when bro has the makeup supplies right in front of him, he’s looking at everything so awestruck. like you know how a toddler is when they see an animal they like at the zoo for the first time and they’re all smiley and up against the glass like 😮- that’s literally knox but imagine him just examining all the supplies and being like “whoa🤯” under his breath
bros actually mind blown, especially at the different shades in the eyeshadow palettes
he’s so meticulous and hellbent on finding the perfect shade at the current moment that he spends the majority of the time looking carefully through each palette you own, looking between your face and then back at the shade to see if it’s a good match, holding up the palette right next to your face for comparison
i like to imagine that when he’s doing this eyeshadow selection process, there’s just all your palettes open and scattered on the floor while he’s stroking his chin in such deep thought, giving himself an aerial view of every shade you have
if you think he treats your beauty supplies like they’re the most fragile glass on earth, wait until he actually applies the makeup
he’s super super gentle, asking if the product going on feels okay even though the brush has only made contact against your face for like 0.5 seconds
absolutely flabbergasted at how the product application is so smooth (let’s pretend you have the money to afford professional products cuz that’s what my oc has🔥🔥🔥)
he loves watching how the brush glides to where he wants it to and then boom that product is trailing right behind and it’s on your skin now—you can bet he wrote a poem about how mesmerizing it was to watch
especially if it’s his first few times ever doing this, he’s very slow and takes his time applying everything, trying to remember how you apply it from what he’s seen and making sure everything is enhancing your face the way it’s supposed to since he’s aware of what the different products are supposed to do and how they enhance different facial/eye shapes
( just more context: my oc has monolid eyes so like bro is very very careful about how he applies eyeshadow and makes it look cuz he’s super aware of how different it is compared to his eye shape or his friends or family. if you have very deep set eyes and/or a hooded crease similar to him, he’ll also be so cautious )
when he’s applying product, i like to think that he usually stays quiet but also i don’t think he’s afraid to ask questions about what he’s doing or if he’s doing something wrong. i think he would just naturally choose to keep his mouth shut for concentration purposes
the few first times around, he ends up smudging some products here and there, some eyeshadow fallout is on your upper cheek, and he overdid the contour. however, he definitely asks afterwards what he can do to improve and what techniques he should do to make it look the way you make it look
because you love him so much (and we’re assuming you chose a time of the day/night to do this where y’all have a bunch of free time), you ask him to wipe off all the makeup and start over, letting him continue practicing until the makeup leaves stains on your face or your skin starts feeling dry. you definitely admire his features as he’s so close to you and you love the way his eyes shine like little stars the entire time he’s staring right at you
fun fact: out of all the products he’s learned to use, knox absolutely refuses to even touch the eyelash curler and use it on you. he’s so scared he’ll somehow hurt you even though you know he won’t, and when he watches you use it on yourself, he always cringes slightly and asks if it hurts to use.
when you practice makeup on him, you sometimes use said curler on him (albeit with some hesitancy and needing a little more convincing on his side but he gives in since he trusts you) and he knows it actually doesn’t hurt. it feels weird to him but in the end he’s like “oh. that’s not so bad… look, f/n! you made my lashes look pretty😄” BUT even then, he doesn’t want to try it on you. he’d rather let you curl your lashes on your own
after much practice, knox gets a lot more confident in his ability to do your makeup. he’s finally able to make everything look flawless and snatched within less than thirty minutes max, and he even has your techniques down and knows how to correct mistakes with concealer/powders if needed
now whenever y’all go to formal events or fancy dates, he asks if he can do your makeup for you and you can’t help but always say yes :)
he finds that doing makeup and other beauty services is a skill that takes so much time and energy and it’s made him build more admiration for hair dressers, manicurists, estheticians, and beauticians alike. but in the end, doing it for you feels like another intimate quality time activity, liking the fact that he gets to see you beforehand at a time where he’d normally be waiting eagerly to pick you up. now he gets to help you<3
bonus: he might become so interested in makeup that he asks for trendy beauty magazines so he can find visual examples of different makeup looks and practice them on you whenever y’all have lots of free time<3
he most definitely asks his sister at home if he can do her makeup so he can show off his new skills and brag about you teaching him. let’s just say she’s pretty impressed and she thinks it’s so cute that he shares the same love and passion (maybe even more) for makeup that you do
after that now his mom asks him to fix up her makeup once in a while when they go out for dinner
knox’s mother (depending on how you think she’s like—i’ve seen multiple headcanons where she’s either a really considerate and understanding parent or like an overly-protective judgy one) might or might not thank you in private for making her son a professional makeup artist and it now becomes an inside joke between you and the ladies of the overstreet family
#knox overstreet#dps fandom#knox overstreet headcanons#dead poets fandom#dead poets au#dead poets headcanons#dead poets society#dps tumblr#dps hcs#dps au#dps boys#dead poets aesthetic#dead poets edit#headcanon
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Hysterectomy, PCOS, Hashimotos, etc
Before things get too far ahead of me, I thought I needed to take the time to sit down and write out this post.
First of all: for anyone who is currently considering hysterectomy out there, or has been told they need one for one reproductive problem or another, and is searching the internet desperately for the ‘what ifs’ and ‘outcomes’, let me just say this: breathe.
I know, not all cases are going to be like mine, but I want to go ahead and put my experience out there, and it’s ALL GOOD, so if you’re desperately looking for some GOOD NEWS, you found it.
Background: I have Hashimotos and PCOS, which causes a veritable STORM of problems in my body. Symptoms galore. The worst was when my period decided it was going to keep coming back every other week and it made me anemic. (low red cell count, low iron, all the fun stuff). I was MISERABLE. Combined with my various OTHER symptoms from both issues (high blood pressure, liver and kidney problems, mood problems, sleep problems, headaches, etc etc) my PCP (that’s primary care physician) finally looked at me months after trying to wrangle the anemia in line and it just kept getting worse, and said: “With everything that’s wrong with you, have you ever considered hysterectomy?” with a cringe. I nearly leapt across the room in tears to hug him. I’d been trying for almost three years to find someone to do that for me after already losing one ovary to a cyst that grew to 10 centimeters (yeah, you read that right).
So, long story short, PCP was able to give me a referral to a different OB/GYN who was willing to work with me despite my ‘young age/lack of children, yada yada yada’, and I will NEVER be more grateful, let me tell you. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I got the usual ‘cautionary tale’ from the OB/GYN, as per usual (Oh, you’re going to go into premature menopause, and you’re going to lose all sex drive, and blah blah blah) and I was just like: Sir, I would like to stop bleeding my life away, who gives a fuck. I don’t have ANY sex drive at present, because I’m too god-damned tired and out of breath to even walk from one end of the house to the other because of the anemia, and my body is so fucked up from the hormonal imbalances caused by my OTHER hormonal issues, I wouldn’t even know. Hot flashes? Have those. Mood swings? Have those too. Give me a break. Besides all that, I’m Ace, have no S/O, and take care of my disabled mother. I don’t want children, don’t have TIME for children, ain’t interested in pleasing anybody but myself, and if I’m not interested in a night with my ‘special toy box’ well then that’s all right with me.
After a brief fight with the insurance (which didn’t want to pay for my surgery OF COURSE), I got my hysterectomy.
IMMEDIATELY after surgery, I noticed a HUGE change. I’m talking the MOMENT I woke up.
This body had been in PAIN. NON-STOP. And I didn’t even know it. I didn’t even know it until my uterus and remaining ovary were gone, and the pain of surgery was so MINIMAL compared to the pain I had experienced BEFORE surgery, that I could have DANCED out of that damned hospital if they didn’t have me hooked up to more devices than I even want to name. The nurses couldn’t believe that I didn’t want pain meds, but I seriously DID NOT FEEL A THING. In fact, it wasn’t until about 3-4 days AFTER surgery, that the surgery pain finally faded, and I realized I HAD IN FACT been in pain after surgery, but it was SO FREAKING MINIMAL, that I hadn’t noticed.
Let me tell you something I would NEVER go back to that pain, I don’t care what anyone offered me, I would rather die.
My mood lifted (of coursee it did, I wasn’t in crippling pain all the time anymore), I’ve had less headaches, sleep is still sketchy, but my blood pressure improved (again, less pain will do that) even my Hashimotos briefly improved. (I say briefly because Hashimotos is a tricky bitch and nothing ever lasts with it..) My red cell count has finally stabilized, though almost six months later we’re still waiting on the iron to catch up.
Physically, my freakin’ BODY changed. I mean SWELLING went down all OVER my body. Puffiness from my face, limbs, tummy, all of it. It wasn’t THAT drastic, but there’s a difference enough that people ask if I’ve lost weight and tell me I look SO much better.
Not to make too much of a point on it, but yes, even the swelling of my vulva and labia went down, which shocked the hell out of me. My clit reappeared, go figure. And that ‘sex drive’ I was supposed to lose? Um, Hell No. I think she took a U-turn and came back to see what was new.
And for those that are wondering: yes, I do achieve orgasm still. Yes, I do achieve orgasm faster and easier. My ‘G-spot’ is extra-sensitive now, and there is now no pain associated with penetration. The main difference that I’ve found in the six months post-hysterectomy, is that if you like those deep, cervical orgasms, you will unfortunately lose those if you have your cervix removed. I did, because cancer runs in my family. And it seems not a moment too soon, because fibroids, calcified cysts, all that fun stuff were part of the lab findings. Could it have been a non-issue? Certainly. Could it have turned nasty with everything that’s wrong with me? Absolutely. I’d already been warned I was at high risk for Endometriosis.
Also, so far: I’m not on hormone replacement therapy. My doctors are playing it by ear. We don’t want to send my body into another panic spiral while it’s still finding a new balance, so in another month or two, we do more tests, see where I’m at and discuss.
Now for the: ‘but all these articles say’ portion of our blog. I know. I read those. But as someone else pointed out: Almost all those articles were written by men. All the nay-sayers ARE MEN. Why do you think that is? What the FUCK do they even know about women’s health anyway? Are they female? Do they HAVE the REPRODUCTIVE MATERIAL NECESSARY to make judgements on whether or not hysterectomy is beneficial to women in my position or not? NO.
So, for ME, hysterectomy was VASTLY beneficial. I don’t have a single CLUE how I survived for all those years without it. I know I was miserable. I didn’t know HOW MUCH, but now that I do, there is no way in hell I would ever make a different decision than the one I did, and I am SO HAPPY that I finally got this done.
#hashimotos#hashimotosthyroiditis#pcos#pcoswarrior#hysterectomy#pcosproblems#hysterectomyandpcos#ovariancyst#laproscopy#vaginalhysterectomy#menopause#hormones#hypothyroid#consideringhysterectomy#fibroids#endometriosis#cysts
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recent words that go back in time:
1.
the moon seems full
and it is
my feet are tired
i am tired
i keep thinking about
how to romanticize the little things
to make it a bit bearable
i play out my break down in my head
in the grocery store
but i also think
i’m going to romanticize the hell
out of this
watch me
2.
today i arranged flowers
blew up balloons
there’s only so much helium
on this earth
and we use it to fill
silly plastic bags of air
to celebrate and cherish
to gift and to give
humans are funny i think
there’s a sadness
but a joy
in the little things
cause everything is sort of like that
we make a point
in what’s the point
she asked if i was proud
she said well you are free now
i wonder if people know
how deep their words
can touch me
resonate
like it just makes sense
3.
i count the bug bites on my legs
they don’t itch as much
as they have in the past
i take it as a win
i make poppet a bag of ice
she lays on it
when the nights get hot
whiplash
like a brain snap, glitch,
the lights flicker
in my memories
my google search bar
filled with affordable
therapy
near me
i send some emails
i stretch
i cry
and then help my mom with dinner
i got my period on my birthday
a period, another period of life
i keep saying 26 is for healing
i guess that means i gotta
put some more scary work in
i start work tomorrow
i don’t feel super nervous,
i can only show up however i am
each day
a part of me feels like i could
fly away at any moment
but i need to make some money
i’ll give it some time and see
how it goes how it goes
4.
a bottle of blueberry wine
the wind blew out
one of two
of my birthday candles
i didn’t make a wish at first
but i also had two cakes
an uncomfortability
a wish like always
wishing for the okay
you always wished
for something from my body
what a strange wish
26
and a half moon
venus glow
gemini buzz
i wonder
i look up into the sky
and think i’ll be okay
i miss mar
i avoid saying your name
but parts of me are still always
thinking about you
and how you hurt me
it’s like mosquito bites
the bite hurts
and then it spreads
and then it itches
and then it scars
my heart is heavy
but i’m still carrying it
but i don’t know you anymore
i’m still facing truths
things are not the same
and they won’t ever be
and i don’t want them to be
but my dreams still flash
distant memories
a family i once had,
i imagine you walking through
my current doors
and how it would feel
i think about how haunting
i must be, how is it to carry that
i think about how in our last days
i was treated like just an old friend
not a partner, a fiancé, a lover
the way that still twists
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SFR Update: Holidays mean Progress! (Probably, maybe)
Hello! It’s been a while since I updated you on SFR progress and that’s largely because for a long period I wasn’t really able to make that much. The weeks that I’ve been gone as well as after I came back have been extremely busy and I had to dedicate my full attention to the task at hand *cough cough* school. You think Sol Regem’s empire in SFR is bad??? pssshhh, please... he has nothing on college.
That’s over for now though, and now I have some weeks of complete free time. I’m hoping I can make at least significant progress during this period. Whether I can write and finish a chapter during this is up in the air and I’m not gonna make any sort of estimations because I know from the past *cough cough* chapters 4 and 5, how well I managed to stick to those. I am hoping to at least take some steps forward though.
Now, this is an *update* so I will tell you about some of the progress I’ve made since the last time I updated you because believe it or not there has actually been some (shocker, Photonic does a thing, unimaginable right?).
Since the last update I have
--> Jotted down enough notes to form a *very rough* outline of how I want the first arc of this story to progress. Again, this is *extremely rough* so there’s still a lot of blank spaces and a lot of it is throwing ideas around but I came up some pretty cool ideas during this process that I didn’t have before so it was definitely worth while I feel. I just had that feel of *Yeeesssssss* when writing those down.
--> I’ve also started working on a general timeline. The Notes I jotted down before were not really in any sequential order, they were more me spewing ideas about what events certain characters or groups of characters could experience as the story progresses. This is where I am now. I was able to start work on this timeline come my break so I have only really been able to jot down the first couple of days after chapter 5 leaves off, but it is definitely starting to come along. I’m also coming up with new ideas to fill the blank spaces during this process.
Currently I feel have enough notes to get a pretty good idea of what I want to include in chapter 6, I don’t think I’ll start on that immediately as I definitely wanna get some other things down before that. I also have some idea of what’s gonna come in future chapters after 6 though this is a lot looser and open to change at the moment. One scene in particular was originally going to be in chapter 6 but may be pushed back to a later chapter giving that I realized the timing probably won’t work out if I put that scene in 6. Actually kinda been a theme of a lot of things in this story, A lot of things getting pushed back as this story expands in scale.
You heard me mention the first arc of the story above. Currently the way I have SFR planned is that the story could essentially be split into two major arcs. I can’t reveal too much yet but the first arc, the one we’re currently in, will definitely be the more angsty all around of the two. The second arc will likely shift into a more action focus, (though, it will definitely still have it’s angst, in fact, currently I have the darkest scene in SFR (at least in my opinion) planned for this second arc. But the angst occurrences in general will be more spaced out I feel). Arc 2 is still a *while* away tho so best concentrate on the here and now.
So, that’s really all I have to say for today. If you read this far, thank you for listening to me ramble in text form when I *should* be using this time to work on the dang timeline haha. And thank you for all the support you all have left on the fic so far. Seeing your kudos and reading your comments as well as just your overall reactions, whether inside ao3 or not, as you all experience the story I’m writing... it really means the world to me knowing people care about this dumb universe I’m building with characters that don’t even belong to me.
And if you’ve never heard of SFR before but are interested in this TDP A.U. now, then you can read the existing five chapters using the link below.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/30491499/chapters/75193263
As always don’t hesitate to tell me what you think!
And remember, just because it’s the holidays... do you think Sol Regem cares? No he’s not giving you all time off for the holidays! This is his kingdom now and you play by his rules! Get back to work ya filthy humans!
(No, but seriously, Happy Holidays everyone! Regardless of whether you celebrate any of them or not, I hope you have a great time as we move into the new era of 23!)
#The Dragon Prince#TDP#fanfiction#fanfic#Sol Regem#Update#THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL CONTINUES!#Onwards into oblivion!
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This song is a special one for me. My pregnancy was for sure a surprise, but a welcomed surprise. It was beautiful but also a tough pregnancy.
STORY TIME:
When I found out I was pregnant it took me some time to process because I was on a birth control and was for sure not planning to have any more children, my mind was set that one was more than enough that I could handle, but God had other plans.
My daughter fought to be brought to this world from the very start. I went through a lot of health scares while pregnant, there was HG, High Blood Pressure , Gestational Diabetes, Chronic Placenta Abruption (which is what lead me to be on complete bed rest and to having her come to this world a little bit earlier than expected) and this is without mentioning the emotional stuff happening all around me. I saw darkness throughout most of my pregnancy honestly - her kicks were my reminders that she was there, and although at moments were painful, they also would bring a smile to my face - knowing that there was a fierce little mini me growing in there.
I remember when I first heard this song, I had just received some disappointing information about someone really close to me; and to add to that was going through just so much in other areas that I just laid on the floor and looked up and screamed, what else? What else is next? What else do I need to go through? Why not just give me a break? Why can’t I just have a period of continuous happiness?
Then I rolled over, grabbed my phone and scrolled through Facebook, and came across this song. As if God answered those questions I asked him 3 minutes prior to finding that song.
“Giving in to your feelings is like drowning in the shallows - Oh you got to keep believing even in the middle of the unknown cause Grace will be there when you come at the end of your rope and you let go, it may feel like you’re going down now but the story isn’t over. There will be joy in the morning, there will be joy in the morning, if it’s not good then He’s not done, no He’s done with it yet, there will be joy in the morning.”
Aubrey definitely made an entrance. My princess was due to arrive on 8/23. However, she arrived on 07/29. She was so tiny but long. She was so hairy too! I was so happy! I couldn’t wait for them to finish up with me so I could be reunited with her at my room. Unfortunately, she was transferred to the NICU 1 hour later after I had her. She couldn’t breathe on her own. It was heartbreaking for me. It wasn’t part of MY plan. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect me being away from my daughter. I didn’t expect that when I would see her again after the 5 seconds they put her on me when she was born I would see her covered in wires and a breathing tube, in a cube. It was so hard, I felt numb. Confused. I thought it would maybe be for a night - but then things were getting more complicated. At moments when I thought she was getting better, she would have a set back. It was an emotional roller coaster ride - but she was a fighter. After I was officially discharged I was a wreck to have to come home without my daughter. I felt so incomplete. I felt so confused. So conflicted, because yes she was in the condition she was in - but there were babies in worst conditions in there, I’m talking 20 week old babies in there fighting for their lives as well. NICU is definitely a life changing experience and changes your views and thoughts on so many things. My heart goes out to every parent who have gone through that, and are currently going through that.
The night that I went home without her, I just stayed in bed. Didn’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone. My son was confused, because I even pushed him away. I feel guilty for that till this day. The emptiness that I felt is one I wouldn’t wish on anyone. That night I prayed for a miracle, then I played my playlist and that song came on again…
“Cause it ain’t even faith til your plan falls apart but you still choose to follow, if it doesn’t make sense right now it will when it’s over. There will be joy in the morning, there will be joy in the morning, if it’s not good, then He’s not done, no He’s not done with it yet, there will be joy in the morning.”
I prayed, cried, and screamed in my pillow. Then I fell asleep. The next morning my husband and I went to the hospital, and got the news she was coming home. The doctors were in shocked as well and called it a miracle, my baby girl was breathing on her own. God made those lungs strong and allowed air to flow through them. I can’t explain the joy that my heart felt, my princess had a different color to her, she was just a different baby. I felt so grateful, primarily with God, also with those amazing hard working loving nurses and doctors.
My princess was heaven sent. Her strength is definitely to be admired. She is so smart and is building such a personality. I feel like she’s a boss baby. Here I am with her almost 6 months later. Every time I see her, I remember that she is God’s miracle and she was given to me. What an Honor to have been chosen to be her mother. God has been so good, she was the piece to me that I did not know was missing. Aubrey is a representation of His Love, His Grace and His Mercy. Thank you, God for showing me so much love through her.
If you’re going through a rough period in your life, run to Him. Lean on to Him, to His word, to His Promise.
There will be joy in the morning, there will be joy in the morning, if it’s not good then He’s not done, no He’s not done with it yet, there will be joy in the morning. 🤍
#Spotify#JoyInTheMorning#BabyStory#MiraclesOfGod#God#NICU#NICUbabies#GodOfLove#GodofMiracles#tumblr stories
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New Post has been published on https://coinprojects.net/crypto-winter-may-not-end-anytime-soon/
Crypto winter may not end anytime soon
Key Takeaways
Crypto is one year into a vicious bear market
This is the first time crypto has experienced a bear market in the wider economy, too
With too many negative macro variables, and the zero-interest rate era over, it seems naïve to think crypto can bounce significantly in the short-term
Anyone betting on a swift recovery in the crypto markets might want to reassess.
If you are familiar with my analysis, you will know I have been bearish for a while. This mainly comes down to the macro setup, as the economy reels in the face of this new paradigm of high-interest rates.
Crypto represents one of the highest-risk asset classes around, and hence was always going to the struggle once the rug was pulled out from under it. And that is what has happened, with Jerome Powell and the Federal Reserve pulling that rug out mercilessly.
With this macro backdrop in this position, there is a ceiling in place. Crypto will not rise until inflation is beaten and interest rates peak. Currently, T-bills are trading at 4%, but this will likely rise to 5% in early 2023.
There is still concern that inflation, which does seem as if it has peaked, will nonetheless persist for some time. The labour market has yet to feel real tightness, while demand has been subdued but not significantly.
More bad news
This landscape what was led me to declare that crypto could be one bad event away from a meltdown. It was range-bound at the $20,000 mark for too long, unable to break out while restrained by the bearish sentiment in the wider markets.
I didn’t expect that event to be quite so seismic, however. FTX’s implosion represents a watershed moment for crypto. I believe it will cause even greater harm than what most forecast.
We saw credit agency Moody’s place Coinbase’s bonds on review for downgrade, hinting at the detrimental action that could follow the exchange’s insolvency. I wrote a piece analysing the deluge of Bitcoin flowing out of exchanges, showing that trust had been broken and was at an all-time low.
In fact, a pretty staggering 200,000 bitcoins flowed out of exchanges less than a month after the FTX collapse. And even Cathie Wood is warning of a pullback in institutional adoption.
They say “be greedy when others are fearful”, but I’m not sure that applies here. Cryptocurrency is at a fork in the road. It has never existed during a bear market in the wider economy before – remember, Bitcoin was launched in 2009, and hence has experienced nothing but an explosive bull market in financial assets.
Now, it is different. Contagion is again swirling, crypto’s reputation is in tatters and the money printer is no longer propping everything up. Times are tough.
Previous crypto winters
Against this context, this environment is unprecedented for crypto. This is why I believe that extrapolating past cycles to current conditions is naïve. It is a lot easier to bounce back when interest rates are at 0% and the rest of the economy is booming. Not only that, but the scale of the capital destruction this time around is much greater, given crypto grew so much during the pandemic years.
Having said that, there will come a time when inflation is beaten. There will come a time when interest rates are no longer being hiked. This is the cyclical world we live in, and hence risk assets will rise again.
I just believe that this time, the winter may last a little longer than a lot are expecting. And when looking at previous cycles, the winters lasted long then, too. The below chart plots the Bitcoin price back to 2014, showing this well.
Following the peak of close to $20,000 in December 2017, it was not until Q4 of 2020, deep into the pandemic, that Bitcoin once again breached this mark. That marked a near 3-year fallow period, where investors failed to enjoy any significant gains in the crypto world.
We are one year into this bear market now, both in crypto and financial assets in general. Forecasting the future in crypto will only ever end with you looking silly, but I’ll try anyway. I would be surprised if we were beyond halfway through this bear market.
As the winter snap hits hard in Europe and people feel those high energy prices, the war in Ukraine rages on, and inflation continues to persist stubbornly, it just feels naïve to think crypto could rise anytime soon.
Of course, that could theoretically change in an instant. Positive news out of Ukraine could send markets north in an instant, but that is impossible to predict. I think the base case, however, is a longer period of pain ahead than a lot of people realise.
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#Altcoin #Bitcoin #BlockChain #BlockchainNews #Crypto
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#Ok I’m gonna complain for a bit so pls ignore#I am so tired . just so exhausted#I have worked way too much this month and we are begin schedule with our thesis and have just so much left to do#our client is leaving so she expects a concept of our results several weeks before our deadline. we have a meeting w our advisor and 2nd#client next week so we need to send them a separate concept of the final thesis before Monday#I’m currently on my period and I feel like I could break down any moment. I’m very emotional and I think the stress from the past few weeks#and also the stress from the upcoming month (until everything from this semester is finished) . it all just feels like too much#I also haven’t seen my therapist in over a month. which is the longest period of not seeing him since i started therapy last year#I feel like the past few months I’ve just been living trying to get through this day through this week and crossing off one thing off my to#do list but then having another 100 things I need to worry about next. I’m so exhausted I can’t even do much house work or do anything for#my little brother and though my mum is a sweetheart and knows how busy I am w everything and so doesn’t even bother asking me for help#I myself feel shitty that I can’t help her . my room has been a mess for like 2 weeks now but I can’t find the time or energy to clean it#so it’s just another thing that’s on my to do list and which adds to my stress. I have a bunch administrative things I need to do for#both my parents as well (bills. health insurance. health related things. appointments) and I just can’t#like usually I will make a to do list to cross off. that’s my thing and it helps me stay on top of things but I’m at a point where I’m even#dreading doing that because it’s just so much and I feel like it’s gonna be overwhelming seeing it all on paper. on the other hand my brain#is in chaos and I keep having these moments where I’m like ‘oh shit I still have to do this and that’#I’m just tired. I’m so tired#I’m gonna go take a nap because my body hurts and I’m exhausted and I need to have energy to be able to code 3 interviews tonight
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Task Management:
Creating + Maintaining a Schoolwork Schedule
Key elements
Your schedule suits your individual time/task management preferences.
It is flexible enough to accommodate sudden changes, plus fluctuating energy levels, states of concentration, symptoms and moods.
Daily tasks are not over-whelming; they are small enough that they are achievable.
You do not get “burned out.”
It allows you to be consistent.
Steps to create your schedule
Decide if you want your planner to be paper or digital
Find an “order” that’s logical and achievable for you (more on this later)
Refer to your addendum/syllabus and write down all the assignments, tests and other events taking place that week/month (and their due-dates).
Then break these down, assigning tasks to each day of the week (more on this later).
Break down your tasks even further (more on this later).
Decide if you want to follow a simple daily to-do list or a timed schedule (more on this later).
Find your “order(s)”
Mandatory: Schedule assignments around other commitments (work, social, hobbies, etc.).
Do the hardest task first to get it out of the way (so that the rest of your tasks are less daunting, and because your smaller tasks require less energy therefore can be done even after completing the hard task).
Do the easiest task first to build momentum (give yourself a feeling of accomplishment which will motivate you to continue, and boost your self-confidence early in the day to establish a positive mindset for the rest of the day).
Do the task that’s due first to minimize deadline stress, and so your assignments don’t fall through the cracks (causing you to get discouraged and lose momentum).
Plan according to your energy level throughout the day and week: Do you have Pilates once a week? Maybe you can reserve that day for easier assignments. If you know you’re going to be tired for whatever reason, account for that in your planning.
Consider your state of concentration: If you know you’re too groggy or spaced out for the first hour of your day, you can either schedule easy tasks in that time, or none at all. If you take a medication in the afternoon/evening that makes you tired, schedule easier tasks or none, and get harder tasks done earlier/later in the day. If you have ADHD and crowded places mess with your concentration, but you like studying at a café, go when it’s not busy.
Be mindful of your emotions and symptoms: If you have depression, or are prone to depressive episodes, you’ll need to consider that when scheduling. You might have to rework your entire schedule when you get into a depressive episode (like adding lots of breaks). If suddenly you’re going through a big life event (like a breakup), you need to account for that when scheduling. For instance, if you can’t stand to be alone, maybe you can go out instead of staying in, and if your motivation is low, you may need to up your reward-system or break down your tasks even more.
Break down this week/month’s tasks
Refer to your addendum/syllabus and write down all your due dates for the time period you’re scheduling for.
Based on due dates, outside commitments, predictions of energy/mood/symptoms, assign assignments to the days of the week/month that make most sense for you.
Break down daily tasks into sub-tasks
You can do this (in advance) for your full week/month’s assignments, or do it every morning/evening.
Generally, your assignments will follow a variation of this formula: brainstorm, create an outline, research, write rough draft, edit and revise. Test/exam prep will look something like: check to see what the test is based on, pinpoint important sections, review to see how well you know the material, create a list of items to study, rewrite select notes, make flash cards, study topic 1, study topic 2, etc.
What are the individual components of these steps? Here are some examples. Brainstorm: what should my topic be, what should my thesis be, what points can support my thesis, what do I need to research, what questions do I need to ask my prof? Outline: topic, thesis, points, conclusion. Research: write down all the important parts from each source (separately), then sift through to sort into Supporting Point 1, Supporting Point 2, etc. Rough draft: opening statement(s), intro, point 1, point 2, etc., conclusion, closing statement(s). Edit/revise: read and check for grammar only, then read again and check for spelling only, read again and check for cohesiveness only, etc. Topic 1: Part A, Part B, etc.
Each of these small components can be individual items on your to-do list. Big tasks like, “write essay” are too big for most people. Even “write rough draft” is daunting. If you start with something specific and small like brainstorming, and work your way up, it’s a lot easier to approach. Plus, being able to check off tasks more often and more easily will boost your confidence and your sense of competence, thus building momentum.
Here is a sample to-do list: Research X for Point 1 of Literary Essay, create outline for History Essay, Edit/Revise Assignment 1, study Topic 1 and Topic 2 for Test 1.
To-do list or time-based schedule?
To do list: Write down all your assignments for the day. Put them in the order you want to do them, or go through them intuitively (based on what you feel like doing, or what’s most practical at the time/place you’re at).
Timed-based: Write down all your assignments, then write down the time you’re going to do each of them. You could set reminders or alarms if you want, or simply refer to the list. There’s an awesome app I recommend if this is your thing. It’s called Structured (iOS only).
Curate your study environment for maximum focus
Eliminate distractions such as uncomfortable clothing, sounds (or silence), phone and computer notifications, clutter in the room and on your desk, people who may try to talk to you (shut your door and/or inform them that you’re busy).
Designate a space to doing homework only and avoid spaces that you associate with other things (do not study in bed, as you will want to relax or sleep, and/or you will mess with your sleep by weakening the bed’s association with sleep).
Build associations: Incorporate other events and items into your study/homework routine that you only use while doing that, so that you associate those things with studying/homework (examples: specific playlists, pencils/pens, cups/bottles, scents, rituals, decor, etc.).
Ensure good lighting (preferably including daylight).
Get dressed in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. They don’t have to be “professional” and they should definitely be comfortable. Do not stay in your pyjamas. Believe me, I know this can be hard, and I love PJ’s. But they are not good for productivity.
Don’t “multi-task.” It may feel like you’re getting more done this way, but by splitting your focus, not only do tasks take longer, they also diminish in quality. Commit to the task you’re doing.
Meditate: You can even meditate for just 1-5 mins right before studying, homework and/or classes.
Practice self care (daily!)
Sleep (enough, well, and regularly).
Daylight: Get outside, work by windows, use a light therapy box. These can help regulate your sleep, improve and maintain mental health, and boost energy.
Fresh air: Getting outside even for a couple minutes can help you refresh and reset, and feel good about yourself and your life. Fresh oxygen can help you wake up and is great for your health. Even just opening your window can do a lot for your mood, energy and motivation.
Movement: Try to move at least once per day. The benefits of exercise are numerous and immense.
Healthy and consistent eating: Avoid spikes in insulin levels by eating regularly so you don’t have extreme dips in your energy level. Also, brain power uses calories too, so make sure you’re eating consistently, and try to eat healthy. There are so many other reasons eating consistently is good for your health (and by extension, your productivity).
Relaxation and leisure: Make time for fun and socializing, as well as intentional relaxation. Hobbies, movies/tv, time with friends/family, meditation, baths, progressive muscle relaxation, etc.
Therapy: Your therapy sessions are not daily, but you can do 5 minutes of inner-work per day based on what you and your therapist are currently working on. Working with a therapist is a great way to stay on track with your goals, and develop the skills and positive mindset required for success in school.
Reward yourself
Track progress: Reflect on all the assignments you’ve completed and your grades to remind yourself that you’re capable!
Completing to-do lists daily maintains a sense of accomplishment which keeps your momentum going. Check those items off! Or give yourself gold stars! ⭐️
Treat yourself with non-food rewards: Tie completed school work with fun tasks like video games, or take yourself out for coffee, or some other small (non-food) outing. What I’m trying to do right now is not do my leisure activities until my daily tasks are done.
Develop a positive mindset
Take promises you make to yourself seriously. The more you break promises to yourself, the easier it will get to continue breaking promises. You will lose respect for yourself which lowers motivation, and you will lose trust in yourself which can become debilitating as well. The more you keep promises, the easier it will get, the more motivated you’ll become, and the more you’ll trust and respect yourself. Your confidence will improve, and you’ll feel better about yourself. Productivity is choosing yourself. Discipline is choosing what’s best for you instead of what you feel like doing in the moment. Discipline is a muscle, and like any muscle, it can be strengthened, and it can atrophy.
Remember your “why.” What is the end goal of being in school? What’s your career path, and why did you choose it? What will your life be like when you have that career? What would your life be like if you gave up and didn’t make it to your goal? Aiming for your dream while running from your nightmare is a great strategy for maintaining motivation. Lighting a fire under your *** can be a huge motivator.
Remember how good you feel when you get schoolwork done, and let this motivate you to stay consistent. You can also remember how you feel when you don’t get work done, but definitely focus more on the positive!
Go to therapy and/or hire a coach. There are SO many benefits to therapy and I’d honestly need a whole other post to get into it. You don’t need to be depressed or mentally ill at all in order to benefit from talking to a therapist. They can even help you with time management, procrastination, motivation and more! If you can afford it, please do it. It’s such a worthwhile investment.
Be consistent
No “zero days.” Do at least a bit of homework or studying every day so you don’t slip into vacation mode. Make schoolwork a daily part of your life, so it just becomes the norm.
Build productivity momentum (track progress, check items off your to-do list daily, treat yourself, keep promises to yourself, remember your “why,” remember how success feels).
Stay on top of projects. Your assignments are made up of smaller tasks you assign yourself across time. “Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.” - Robert Collier
Avoid burnout (more on this later).
Keep it interesting (more on this later).
Avoid burnout
Self-care: shower and/or bathe regularly, maintain proper sleep habits, stay hydrated, take care of your skin, do relaxation activities like meditation and reading, do fun activities, pamper yourself every now and then with face masks or foot baths, take your meds as prescribed, eat well and regularly, get outside often, move daily, etc.
Break up study/homework sessions into small, manageable chunks of time, with constructive (refreshing) breaks in between.
Break assignments down into even smaller tasks so that you aren’t over-working yourself during the course of a day, and so that you don’t overwhelm yourself (the stress can lead to burnout).
School-life balance: Keep up with your social life as best as you can, make time for your hobbies, maintain self-care, say no to things that don’t serve you, etc. Try to follow through with scheduled schoolwork 100% of the time, but know that you won’t. Sometimes you’ll need to prioritize mental health over schoolwork (be careful though, this is a very fine line, and a slippery slope). Sometimes things will come up and it’ll be out of your control. But more than anything else, there will be times when you just decide to prioritize something else like fun and socializing over schoolwork. This is why your schedule needs to be flexible: to accommodate sudden invites to hang out and random decisions to skip a homework/study session, but more importantly, flexibility will reduce the odds that you’ll skip in the first place. If your schedule includes hobbies and socializing, and anything else that’s important to you, then you won’t feel deprived. If you have school-life balance, you’ll have more of yourself to devote to schoolwork when it’s time to.
Keep it interesting
Romanticize your life by putting effort into making all of your daily tasks a special occasion.
Make meals and drinks special by using your favourite dinnerware and cutlery. Perhaps even incorporate extra elements such as: a beautiful tablecloth, napkins, candles and/or dim lighting, music, wearing your favourite clothing, etc.
Pretend you’re the main character in a movie about a successful, productive student (because you are the main character in your life).
Make games out of studying if this is something that interests you (the Forest app comes to mind).
Use lots of colours in your notes and buy colourful stationary! 🌈
Vary your approach/methods if needed to avoid boredom.
Study with friends (online or in person).
Reward yourself often.
Remember your “why.”
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wicked • 1
↳ Summary: In a desperate hope to stop war from breaking you are a serviced to wed the most vile man alive, the one who has committed atrocities and war crimes beyond comprehension, he who is responsible for the fall of many nations, the wicked prince who’s heart is made of stone. You are to marry a man who challenges every belief and moral you stand for, all while being faced in a foreign land with nobody but yourself too trust…But are you both truly that different? Or is hate not too far from love?
↳ Pairing: Jungkook/reader feat. Seokjin
↳ Genre: arranged marriage AU, enemies to lovers, it’s kind of a period AU??? Historical but also technically not? prince!AU, eventual smut
Word Count: 4k
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Note: I’ve sat on this story for like 8 months and I still feel bad for posting but bYe I’m a hoe for e2l and I sure hope y’all are too bc gOd daYum
To be a princess, is that of obtaining and following duty whenever it calls. Whether you agree with it or not is of none concern to no one, even yourself to an extent. There were many times in your life when you could assume that, if you felt strong enough about a situation, eventually, your parents would sit you down and work something out that was, at the very least, comparable.
Those times were few and far in between as you often understood that you had to do things, even if you didn’t personally want to, from a young age that you could no longer remember. But still, to be told this. It was a laughable matter at the time, you were so shocked that you couldn’t even fully believe it, it was two years ago after all. But for the day to have finally come.
For the little bubble you had sheltered yourself in, to pop.
It was laughable only at how pathetic you were, you had two years to prepare. And yet here you were, still in denial and even more bitter than before. You had cried, begged your parents for some other alternative, but low and behold, they could only look at you with pity in their eyes. After all, what good was a daughter outside of selling off in marriage?
“Mmm, is something wrong, my love?” Your heart beat had risen and your hands were a little too shaky, was it because you were naturally shy during such activities as these? Or was it the shame cast over you? This was the day you’d meet him, and you were currently in your room doing this.
A hand tenderly stroked your face, cupping your cheek as he gently raised your chin to look at him, Seokjin’s face was soft as a finger traced your jawline, your lips had jutted a little and your expression strong in remorse, if you stared at him any longer the moment would be ruined by your tears, “I’m fine.” You mumbled, offering a weak smile that you were sure if Seokjin looked close enough he would be able to tell it was a lie for the sake of the moment.
Your hands quickly got back to work to keep him from asking any questions, you didn’t want to talk about it. Nor did you want to be in this position either but when would be the next time you got to do this? If ever.
Sexual favors were not something you were often inclined to do but Seokjin was an exception as he was your lover and originally, had things gone the way they should, you would be married off to Seokjin. But of course not, no, Penumbra had to frighten every nation in the world by threat of invasion.
They had to be so cruel in their wars and battles, their soldiers and training, it was no match for anyone. No matter how many troops were sent, they were torn down one after the other by the highly skilled soldiers there. Penumbra was everyone’s worst nightmare, a nation so bitter and angry, they’d stop at nothing to seek vengeance on everyone who once destroyed their original nation of Seoul.
They didn’t take mercy on children or women, they didn’t care about anything but their own. You wholeheartedly despised and stood against everything they were. And for your parents to look you in the eyes and say you’d have to marry their Prince.
The Wicked Prince.
You understood why they were choosing to do this. It wasn’t just for the sake of your nation, it was for the sake of the world.
If there was to be less bloodshed in the future, less poverty, heartbreak, this needed to be done. Not that anyone believed you would make a difference, but that you were crowned Princess of Eunoia, who were a peaceful nation that had stayed neutral during the Great War and had access to the mining fields of Noxtria, the strongest metal that had been discovered thus far.
Whatever Penumbra intended to do with it, you weren’t sure, but you didn’t like it. Not one bit. You understood, again and again, and yet you still couldn’t help but feel hurt at your parent's choice. Was their fear stronger than their love? All of these thoughts had swarmed your mind, even as your lover had such a strong release, his hands grabbing against your hair, your mouth gagging around his members.
The only thing you tasted was bitterness despite his cum loaded into your mouth. The warmth nearly made your nose crinkled as you forcefully swallowed the warm load, not wanting to clean up any mess Seokjin was noted for always leaving. His head was leaned back and his eyes were closed as he let out a soft content sigh.
His hands feathering your hair tenderly before he spoke, “Are you really okay?” You had pulled off his members nearly seconds after he came, wiping your mouth of the lewd sight of drool you looked away from him, your hands folded onto your lap, your lips tempted to part but what would you tell him? The truth? What good was crying going to do for you?
More important things were going on, you were well aware the planet didn’t revolve around you and your feelings, children were being starved from sieges by Penumbra, innocent people had been slaughtered in battles, much destruction had been waging for the last five years. You couldn’t afford to not marry the prince, especially for a reason so fickle and childish as your own feelings.
But you still couldn’t help but loathe him, loathe Penumbra and all of the loss and despair they had caused, you had seen it with your own eyes when you had toured with your parents to other countries to help out in the rubble they had left behind. You still refused to look at Seokjin as your lips twitched bitterly, “I have no choice but to be fine.” You muttered lowly, it was a small sacrifice to the rest of the world allowing you to be married off then thrown to the wolves.
Who knew what would happen to you after the wedding? Maybe they’d just throw you in a dungeon? Hire an inside assassin to conveniently kill you off, and what would anyone say about it? Nothing.
They’d say nothing.
Seokjin’s eyes were filled with sadness as he tenderly cupped your cheeks, making you look at him as he spoke softly, “Your feelings do matter. You can lie to everyone else but please don’t lie to me…” Your vision of him was already blurred, a strain in your throat had formed and it almost physically hurt to even speak as you forced your eyes shut, warm tears trickling down your face much to your anger.
“I said I’m fine dammit!” You snapped, pushing his hands away, you stood up from the painful position before hurriedly wiping your eyes, grief filled your heart as you turned away from Seokjin, trying your best to hide the pained expression you wore, how could you be okay? You were having to give up your nation, the love of your life, everything you once knew for something, for someone who would give less than a damn about you?
Your heart was shattered in many different ways, in betrayal of your parents for simply throwing you away the first chance they had, for the love you would lose because of this, for the hundreds of villagers tomorrow that would cheer in false happiness for you knowing full well what your days would possibly look like.
You had to steady your breath as Seokjin grabbed your shoulders, “Y/n…” He ushered softly, you could hear that pleading tone in his voice as he spoke, “We could still make it work.” he whispered, his tone desperate. That was right, neither of you had ever talked about this, neither of you could ever fully talk about it without some form of desperation or loss.
But you were past that point now, “No we can’t.” You scoffed, your eyes glaring at the floor as the tears of anger spilled down your face, “It would be best if you go.” You forced the words harshly out of your mouth as you wrapped your arms around yourself.
“Y/n-”
“Go!” You snarled, whipping around, your eyes glaring him down but you could never hide the pain and remorse in your face from him, this hurt you far more than it would ever hurt him to do, “Just go! You’ll only make this more difficult for me to do in the end. And I have to do this, I don’t get a choice Seokjin! You understand? My feelings don’t matter! If I don’t do this, the whole world…! No nation stands a chance against them.” Your voice weakened to a whisper, warm wet tears dripping down your cheeks, “Nobody, not all of us combined. I must do this. As that’s what it is to be a princess. Now go, I...I have to prepare for the purification ritual.” You pressed a hand on your forehead, unable to even look at him.
Jolting a little at the sound of the door slamming shut as you crumpled onto the bed, closing your eyes as you did your best to keep the harsh sobs quiet. You needed to mourn these wounds by yourself, any help from anyone here would only make it more painful because you knew the inevitable end of letting them go.
This was what it meant, to be a princess.
You took a steady breath, the strong smell of salt wafting from the natural hot spring, your hair was currently being washed and you were curled up in the warm water, staring down at your knees before closing your eyes. The purification rite, wasn’t intended to mean you were dirty before, but it was an act that should you have any doubt, guilt or anything of this nature, to let it be dissolved in these pools before returning to the castle.
This used to be your favorite place as a child, out here in the woodland where the grass pricked at your feet, leaves crinkled and your favorite, foxes would often come to visit wherever you played. Your connection to animals had always been more profound than to those of humans, wherever you were frustrated or cried, you enjoyed coming here to quiet your mind.
You were supposed to let whatever angers or troubles you had be dissolved and yet you could only hold onto them even tighter, your jaw clenched harshly as you ignored the tugging and pulling on your hair, your body had already been scrubbed clean and your nails trimmed and so forth.
This was what today had been full of, personal grooming for tomorrow, your wedding day. You had dreamed of that day for many years when you were younger, so how did you get to this point? You pondered this question briefly before you ultimately came to the conclusion it was simply bad luck and your lot in life.
Penumbra had been difficult to persuade them into calling a truce which had taken over the last five years to accomplish, and out of all things, they had called for an arranged marriage to take place, thus tying them to another kingdom, while many nations were repulsed it was agreed upon that they would take their pick of whoever interested them. And thus Eunoia was chosen.
You hadn’t be let in on any of these debates but you had a few theories as to why your nation had been chosen, the first being Eunoia never participated in the Great War, many kingdoms some still standing, most which no longer existed had took a hand in annihilating the once great nation of Seoul. Eunoia, was in fact an asylum for those seeking shelter in the war, you nearly wanted to scoff at the idea of Eunoia unknowingly shielding what would once become the most terrifying nation on the planet.
You slumped over, your maid having finished and quietly left you alone, perhaps knowing you would need it. That was the second reason, Penumbra and Eunoia had history together already, many who had survived the destruction of Seoul had fled to Eunoia for asylum and once gathering their strength after the Great War, they went to rebuild their nation.
The third reason, was that it was also convenient that Eunoia had mining fields of Noxtria, the strongest metal thus discovered, and you knew this was an actual motive because it was brought up in the discussion of what terms Penumbra would have access too along with Eunoia. The trade being whatever share of the metal Penumbra used, they would offer their wears to Eunoia.
Again this was what you had heard in a debrief meeting, you had not once sat in on an actual meeting, as women weren’t allowed inside the War Room at the time. Your father hadn’t even let you go to the capitol at the time, which you wouldn’t have wanted to begin with but...You inhaled sharply, at least you would’ve gotten to meet your future husband at the time, instead of the day before you’d both be wed.
That was right of course...they would be here, sometime around the afternoon which was quickly approaching. You had met him once...briefly....Jeon Jungkook, you looked down at your hands as the name entered your mind. The Prince, however, didn’t have the reputation he had now and you both were children.
At the time you didn’t understand the significance of what was going on and how shocking it was for the royal Jeon family to appear. Yule was always celebrated at Kimhae, hosted by Seokjin’s family and it was traditionally a time to set aside differences and make merry for Yule, nations would lay down weapons and the world would briefly become a peaceful day. You were only...what? Six at the time? The memory of him was a bit fuzzy, but you’d never forget his low lidded eyes, looking as if he was a cornered animal. Perhaps a bit shy?
Someone in his family presumably had pushed him towards all the other children, yourself included, many had been pulled away by parents or other members of their court, you however…
Your lips twitched in anger, you smiled at him. Even gave a little wave in greeting before he had gone back to hiding behind his elders.
You had greeted him, not realizing that he would one day become a cold blooded murderer. Even monsters were once children you supposed. And now you would be marrying him, you nearly laughed at the irony of it all. The world was truly too small for its own good. You stepped out of the hot spring, a cool breeze blowing past your naked skin as you grabbed the towel which had been neatly folded, wrapping it around you as the soft ground pressed against your feet.
You closed your eyes briefly, letting the wind blow against you gently as the distant smell of blossoms met your nose, spring had just arrived last week and the festival of flowers had come to end two days ago and you had celebrated it as best you could despite the looming threat overhead that would only become greater in a short amount of time. Your mindset two days ago was simple, when would be the next time you could celebrate such an important festival? You doubt Penumbra would care anything about traditions such as yours, and who knew if you’d even be able to visit.
Your vision threatened to blur as they fluttered back open, looking up at all the willow tree’s that surrounded the forest blowing in the wind. Apricot blossoms could be seen in the distance and fruit would soon be ready to harvest as you wrapped your arms around your towel, slowly walking around the large boulder to find your maids all whispering, at the sight of you they all quickly hushed before smiling those fake smiles.
It was easier this way you supposed, easier to pretend that this was a happy day for you, you would meet your husband today and in two days time, you would be whisked away and never seen again, most would turn a blind eye to the reality and would continue to live in a false reality of assuming you had your happily ever after.
A part of you wanted to curl up in bitterness despite knowing you couldn’t blame them, one person for the nations? It wasn’t even a question, of course everyone would choose it, still, betrayal ran strong in your veins. You had mixed feelings and didn’t know what you should hold inside and what to let run wild with hurt anymore.
Nobody was at fault here, truthfully, this was just a misfortune you had run into. Letting your hair be combed and allowing your maids to dress you, you wordlessly let them do as they pleased, and unlike normal, not a soul dared to speak.
You wouldn’t deny that you were nervous, who wouldn’t be? Despite everyone’s cheerful smiles, it wasn’t difficult to detect the lingering stiffness in the air, your dress had grazed the floor only a little as you held it just a tad so you wouldn’t fumble over the material. The courtroom was beautiful, covered in flowers and growing vines, pots and plants were scattered everywhere, and moss was growing along the rock beds where small fountains trickled soothingly.
Your mother had a radiant smile on her face that unlike many other guests and court members, held no fear behind, standing up from her throne she met you halfway as she tenderly grabbed your shoulders, “You look beautiful,” Her eyes shone with pride as she looked you over once more with a nod of approval, “Are you ready?”
You could only hope you would one day grow into the woman your mother was, she was calm and regal, not an ounce of fear in her eyes for what would be soon entering the castle, word had just been passed that the Jeon’s had been sighted in outskirts of the main border, “As I can.” You weakly smiled, not wanting to discuss your personal feelings as it had taken you the whole morning to get yourself under control.
Should you open your mouth now there was no telling what state you’d be in once the Jeon’s arrived. Your mother perhaps sensed this but didn’t push the subject, she only smiled tenderly, “Then let us go shall we?” The throne room would not be where you would meet your soon to be husband.
But the War Room, following side by side with your mother you assumed it was only fitting given all circumstances, you were nervous for a multitude of reasons, the first being the fact that the Jeon’s had 500 men they were bringing along with them for reasons unbeknownst to you though you weren’t a fool, they were obviously here to protect them in case anyone were too either show up unannounced and harm them, or in case things ended horrendously here.
You couldn’t let either of those things happen as you had heard all the brutal war stories of their country, you couldn’t let your people be hurt in the crossfire. It felt like a massive weight was on your shoulders making it more and more difficult to breathe with each passing second.
You had stayed shoulder to shoulder with your mother as you watched a few knights quietly chat at the table, perhaps rebriefing over a few changes of plans in terms of rotation for nightly patrol. Things had tightened here security wise, but only by the slightest changes, your father had been very careful to make sure Eunoia was not considered threatening.
The loud sound of the doors opening had jostled you out of your thoughts, your heart rate spiking significantly, you could feel your hands tremble ever so slightly at the three pairs of boots your eyes landed on, “We of course, have plenty of time to discuss these matters later, aside, I’m honored for you to meet my wife Esme and my lovely daughter Y/n.” Your fathers voice was relaxed as ever, a gentle tone as he spoke fondly of you both.
You tried your best to not fidget as your mother spoke graciously, “We welcome you to our home Eunoia! I’m sure the travel was long and taxing on you both, I do hope you enjoy our home, we look forward to the severed bonds of the past being repaired.”
It was silent for a moment before you felt a hand wrap around your wrist sternly making you wince a little as you looked up, a tense smile on your lips as you spoke, “It’s an honor to host for the royal family of Penumbra, I...look forward to our life together.” You had never felt your lips have such a volatile urge to twist into a scowl as your eyes met who you could only assume was your fiance.
Jeon Jungkook, was anything but ugly, chestnut hair fell in front of his brows but looked a little ruffled as if he had been riding for a long duration, his jawline strong and sharp and those bright blue eyes nearly pierced through your soul, no amount of beauty could hide the coldness his eyes held though, the pure disinterest he held and you had no doubt he didn’t have trouble seeing the lie in your words.
He truly was the Wicked Prince, after all. You hated it, you hated the way you could feel the arrogance air around him and the way his eyes cast over in superiority, sizing you up before obviously casting his judgement, out of pure expectation however he stepped forward to hold out his hand. Your eyes stared at it somewhat blankly for a brief second, this was not a silent invitation of treaty, you carefully held onto his hand, watching as he raised it to press a kiss on the back of your hands.
Your stomach churning mixed between sickness and anger as he spoke, “Jeon Jungkook, the pleasure is ours.” His voice was like soft velvet, deep but not too deep, just rough enough to sound manly, but not to a point of scary. Jungkook said no more, his words short and perhaps he felt he didn’t need to say much given the massive reputation he already had. You could see a ghost of annoyance passing his gaze however as your eyes continued to lock with his, refusing to look away.
The gesture was sweet, this was true, but you just couldn’t get over that cold, haughty look in his eyes.
Without so much as thinking, the moment his lips left your hand you pulled it away sharply, a smile on your face despite your eyes narrowing passively, “The feeling is mutual.” Your smile was no longer present on your face and you weren’t sure what it was, but his cool demeanor utterly infuriated you. Your eyes only glared into the back of his head as they had departed, obviously off to go discuss whatever it was they needed to which was clearly more important than getting to know you. You could only hope this was a bad dream.
#bts#jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook scenario#bts au#jungkook smut#jungkook x reader smut#bts imagine#prince!jungkook
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Hi there! Can i request xiao, childe,zhongli where reader gets injured bad one time that they go into like a comatose or something? And at the end they wake up, thank you!! 🤗
Hi bestie! And ask and ye shall sufficiently be fed. I kept rambling on these so I hope you don’t mind <3
Pairings; (Separate) Xiao, Childe, Zhongli x reader
Warning(s); hurt/comfort, cursing, slight wound description
Keep reading under the cut!
Xiao
You didn’t actually plan to take on the Oceanid but you were in the area and you knew a friend needed a cleansing heart or two so why not?
The why not is the fact that the dumb water birds were ripping the shit out of you
Sufficiently happy that the Oceanid has given you a lesson enough, they disappear, leaving you pretty much in a heaped, shivering, bloody pile.
The yaksha hears his name being spoken with such a level of hurt, Xiao is moving before you’re able to mutter his name a second time
Despite his quick speeds and quicker panic, he hears your voice slowly lose breath. And as much as he doesn’t want to he has started preparing himself for the worst.
Maybe it’s his fault for loving a fleeting mortal?
When he reaches you, you’re unconscious. But breathing. Laboured, likely due to some broken ribs, but breathing none the less. A less panicked and worried Xiao would chastise him for holding onto something that could disappear.
Xiao isn’t going to let you die, not on his hands.
He takes your limp body back to the Wangshu Inn and within the hour there’s 3 doctors all bandaging your body and making sure your stable
Comatose isn’t a word that Xiao has much experience with. But to him it manifests into the worst weeks of his life
Where he isn’t sat beside you, he’s pacing in your room. And when he isn’t doing that he’s throwing himself so deep in slaying demons and once the supply of demons ran dry he started clearing out random hilichurl camps
He knows that things are starting to get better when you start muttering random things in your sleep, and reacting to whatever books Xiao reads to you
Nobody at the Inn says anything outwardly about how unusually soft Xiao is, but everyone’s notices. If you were awake Xiao could imagine you teasing him about it and giving him a kiss
Four weeks almost to the day you wake up. Xiao is sat in his normal place beside you, book in his hand reading to you
“I like that book, its my favourite” you tell the yaksha who hasn’t noticed your waking. Your voice struggles to make words, like when you talk first thing in the morning.
Xiao jumps a little at your voice, he was so engrossed in the book and barely noticed your gaze.
Grinning is an understatement, Xiao smiles so wide and out of character that you almost jest about Xiao being a doppelganger
But the moment he hugs you, careful of your bindings, the jest fizzles away
“I almost lost you” he tells you his face sufficiently buried in your neck to try and hide the growing tears that he’s been pushing back through the weeks
“You can’t get rid of me that easily cutie” you reassure the yaksha as you embrace him as tight as your bandaged body can
-
Childe
The two of you love to expend your energy with random friendly fights be it wrestling around the house or finding the highest plains and having a great all out battle. You both find its a great way to release stress too
“I was thinking about eating out for dinner” you tell Childe as you parry his arrow
“That sounds like an idea. Loser pays” Childe responds with a grin
The fight is great, and dare you say it you’re winning
Until, by no joke, the biggest gust of wind pushes you off of the cliff and sends you flying
It would be funny if you couldn’t feel your bones breaking as you fall
Childe dives off the cliff the as soon as he can attempting to catch you
He does. But he’s a little too late to catch you conscious. You feel like a limp bag of potatoes. Your heartbeat being the only thing that’s currently grounding him and keeping him from committing various crimes
He doesn’t have the time to overthink until you’re safe and laying in your shared room
The three days that you’re unconscious Childe spends almost every waking moment sat on a chair beside your bed, laying on the bed beside you and actively avoiding as much work as he physically can. Even to the point a fatui agent comes to the house and lectures him about how he mustn’t keep avoiding his obligations.
He leaves for half a day on the third day and sits beside you the moment he gets back. He’s lazily telling you about his boring half day of work after he finishes he drops his head onto the bead
“I guess I’ll have to buy dinner though” you tell Childe your hand petting his hair
You’ve never seen Childe sit up so fast and bury his head into your chest where you continue to pet his hair
“Though you might have to go and get it, my bones hurt” you jest
“You fell off a fucking cliff [name] I’m sure your bones do more than hurt” he smiles kissing your nose
You smile at the man and embrace him again “I’m sure you caught me though”
“Without hesitation” he grins, Childes worry's and the days before overthinking flutter away for the time being
-
Zhongli
Being the adventurer spirit that you are going to the reaches of Liyue and you’ve made it your personal goal of exploring every crevice of the country
On your way back to the Harbour after a month and a half being away. Though on the final stretch of your journey a mitachurl decided that you were a personal punching bag and threw you across the road
Though in much pain from the fall you some how managed to make it back home and into the arms of your spouse
“I’ve got a present fo-” you pass out mid sentence, obviously your adrenaline from the mitachurl had finally ran out
Zhongli takes your sudden excess of deadweight and quickly lays you down onto your shared bed and checks you for any wounds
He quickly finds a large bruise from the mitachurl earlier. Zhongli changes you into some comfortable clothing while you’re already half undressed under his concerned gaze
Despite his quick thinking and generally unfazed expression the archon feels a unsettling pit at the bottom of his stomach
Baizhu is inside the house within the half hour and within the hour he has a diagnosis. A coma with no end date.
Being acquainted with comas but thanks to his previous lifetimes Zhongli has never been so close to someone with such an ailment
Another month and a half Zhongli finds himself away from his spouse. Although trying to keep his schedule as consistent as possible his morning walks are changed to sitting at the bedside and dinner time was often spent sat to the table that was in the bedroom, but now moved closer to your bedside
Although very used to being alone for extended periods of time thanks for your love of exploration, he has never felt so far away from you despite you being so close to him
When you awoke it was actually close to midnight. Your brain takes a few moments to catch up with the world. You take into account that you’re in bed, and notably, your spouse was not
You feel the distinct pain of the hit you had taken, although you note that it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did when you came home
You sit on the edge of your bed and stand, a little wobbly at first, and you move about your home looking for your absent spouse
That’s until you find him asleep in the spare bedroom. Why is he there? You don’t remember having an explosive argument or kicking out of bed.
You enter the room and touch your spouses arm and you call his name. He wakes with a start almost surprised
“You’re awake” he informs you which causes you to chuckle at him
“You’re going to have to catch me up my love” you stroke his hair after he sits up in bed and urges you to sit atop his lap
“In the morning my dear, just for a moment let me be in your presence”
“Anything for you my love” you smile at him before pausing “Though I would love something to eat”
#genshin impact#genshin impact headcanons#genshin impact x reader#xiao x reader#genshin impact xiao#xiao#childe x reader#genshin impact childe#childe#zhongli x reader#genshin impact zhongli#zhongli#headcanons#hurt/comfort
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not telling them you’re pregnant [2] - f!reader
- little angst, hurt/comfort??, fluff
- characters: iwaizumi, atsumu, kageyama
- warnings: pregnancy, cravings, morning sickness aka throwing up, some cursing, mentions of sex, “mad” iwa makes out with your neck, atsumu pretends to faint and reader jokes about him dying :0
- wc: 1.4k, 1.3k, 1.7k (jfc thats a lot)
a/n: thank u guys for all the love on the first part <333 ily all and ty to the nonnie that requested tsumu and kags
f!reader cuz pregnancy but no specific prns/gendered terms used
[1. suna, sakusa, semi]
IWAIZUMI
#! you were planning on telling iwaizumi the big news that night
#! you missed your cycle this month, thinking it was probably just late so you didn’t care and waited for one more week to pass before worrying
#! it was almost two weeks now, your period tracker repeatedly sending you notifications to remind you to log your monthly cycle
#! but you had no cycle to log
#! thinking that you should go buy some tests, you did just that and came home to see them all turn positive
#! you were in the kitchen cooking a quick dinner when iwaizumi came home
#! he entered your home mumbling under his breath about some kid while putting up his jacket and shoes
#! “welcome home, haji!” you greeted him from the kitchen
#! “hey.” he briefly said back making you turn around to look at him
#! “you alright? what happened?” you tried starting a conversation in hopes of getting his mind off of whatever it is that seems to be bothering him
#! “some fucking kids came into the gym today, acting all obnoxious, trying to taunt me and the team because they wanted to impress some girls who probably didn’t even know them. would’ve knocked them out if it wasn’t against the fucking law.” he harshly explained his day while looking through the fridge for his protein drink
#! you tried not to laugh, turning around so he couldn’t see your face and tightening your lips together to contain yourself, but it was so funny you couldn’t help but imagine it
#! iwaizumi heard the giggles coming from you causing him to roll his eyes, “what’s funny?”
#! “nothing, should’ve just knocked them out, babe.”
#! “yea? sounds like you want to start visiting me in jail,” he makes his way over to back hug you while you continued cooking at the stove, “well then, i’ll keep that in mind next time some dinky teenager get in my face, baby.” he mumbles against your neck before giving you a quick kiss there
#! “hajjj, i’m cooking. go be horny elsewhere!” your upper half shuddered when he continued making out with your neck
#! “whatever you say, your highness.” deep chuckles come from him while he lets go of you to walk to the bedroom
#! “don’t call me that!” his laugh getting louder at your exclamation
#! later that night, you both laid in bed on your sides staring out of the window in front of you
#! “hey haj,” your voice a gentle whisper as to not wake him up if he had already fell asleep
#! “hmm?” he hums from behind you, rough, warm hands under your shirt rubbing itself on your bare stomach
#! “do you ever want kids?”
#! he was silent as he thought about what to say to you
#! “i don’t if they’re just gonna turn out like those dicks from today.” his answer wasn’t meant to be taken too seriously, he just hoped you didn’t interpret that as him saying he doesn’t want kids at all
#! “so if they don’t?”
#! “.......sure.”
#! you noticed his hesitation before he gave you an answer, trying to ignore it so your brain didn’t start analyzing too much
#! “hm, ok. goodnight, haji.”
#! “goodnight, i love you.”
#! “love you too.”
#! you told yourself that you were gonna reveal the news to him that night, but seeing that he was worked up over those kids and his slight hesitation when he answered you made you change your mind at the last minute
#! you laid awake thinking about what to do while iwaizumi peacefully slept not knowing his hand was caressing his future child
#! a few days have passed and you were still thinking about when to tell him
#! should you just say it? how would you say it? “hey, i’m pregnant.” no, that’s too blunt. “what if i told you i’m pregnant?” eh. “i’m preggo!” maybe.
#! you both never brought up the topic about having kids again ever since that night
#! but what you didn’t know was how occupied iwaizumi’s mind has been ever since you popped that question
#! he’s been imagining what it would be like to have a little him running around the house, maybe he’s a crybaby and dramatic like his uncle oikawa — who definitely would like to be the godfather, and he promises daily facetime calls everyday despite iwaizumi’s obvious displeasure — or perhaps he also finds entertainment in the godzilla franchise like his father
#! iwa thinks it would be neat to sometimes watch godzilla with someone else besides you, preferably his own kid
#! the night you asked him that question, it took him a while to answer because he couldn’t believe what he just heard. getting lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize he forgot to answer you, giving you a quick, “sure.” once he came back to reality
#! you didn’t know this so you took his moment of silence as a sign of hesitation
#! the minor miscommunication causing you both to go into your own heads
#! you were currently looking in the full body mirror, observing the way your stomach looked and how much it’ll be changing soon to accommodate a living being inside you. your hands were moving around, curving itself against your stomach naturally when iwaizumi walked in on you
#! “babe, have you seen my hoodie? the black one, i think you were wearing it-,” his sentence cut off when he looked up from his phone
#! “what are you doing?” he asked seeing you pull your shirt back down
#! “looking at my stomach.”
#! “why? are you okay?” his voice softened at the second question wondering if you were feeling bad about yourself
#! “uh no, wait- yes, yea i’m okay. um, can i tell you something?”
#! before he could answer, you continued, “well, by tell i mean show. i have something to show you.”
#! “uh, yes? why are you so nervous?”
#! “ok, wait here.”
#! “babe-,” and you ran off leaving iwaizumi and the rest of his sentence in the room. a few seconds later, you came back holding something in your hand
#! “here.” grabbing his thick fingers to open his palm before stuffing the item into it. his eyebrows furrowed and he slowly unravels the piece of paper. you analyzed his face for any signs of anger or discontent while his eyes scanned the pictures from one corner to another
#! “w-what is..... you’re pregnant?” he whispered out, mind and body in shock as he stares at you wide-eyed
#! you nodded knowing that if you opened your mouth to talk you were probably going to cry. he falls onto the bed, sitting at the edge, then buries his head into his hands
#! “haji?” your voice lower than a whisper
#! he didn’t answer
#! but you saw it
#! you saw his shoulders starting to shake
#! “haj?” you tried again, this time lightly walking towards him
#! his cries became audible when he felt your smaller hands wrapping around his shoulders
#! “hey.. why are you crying?” you tried comforting him because it didn’t seem like his tears were going to stop any time soon
#! “shit, yn, fuck me.” he said through his cries
#! “oh?”
#! he rolled his eyes at your implying tone before grabbing you by the waist to lay his head on your chest. his breath staggered from crying, he was still crying just not as hard
#! one of your hand gently going through his hair while the other one rubs his back. the action soothing him enough to calm him down and eventually his tears stopped. “why didn’t you tell me?” his voice pouty and his sentence breaking between every other word
#! “i thought you didn’t want kids. i was scared.”
#! he raises his head so his chin is now resting on your chest, “why’d you think that?”
#! “you.. hesitated... when i asked you, remember?”
#! his eyes drifting to the side as he tries to think back on the last few days. you knew he remembered when his eyes slightly widened and his lips formed a small o, “i’m sorry, the question made me imagine things and i got lost in my train of thoughts that i forgot to answer you right away.”
#! “oh.”
#! “yea..”
#! “then, i’m sorry for assuming things and not telling you.”
#! “no, it’s not your fault.”
#! “it’s not yours either.”
#! “so.. truce?”
#! “idiot! why are we making a truce?!”
#! he giggles as he stuffs his face back into your chest but not before he bent down to give your stomach a loving kiss
ATSUMU
#! atsumu was huffing with his arms crossed across his chest, lip in a pout and eyes squinted as he focuses on the television in front of him
#! “stupid ‘samu and his stupid food. i don’t need it. if he doesn’t want to give me any, then i don’t need it. i can make my own food. stupid. stupid, stupid, stupid.” he childishly mumbled under his breath as his eyes squinted even more, shooting his glare directly at the television
#! “‘tsumu, can you come help me with this?” a voice called from the bedroom. your voice. his beautiful, lovely, awesome sweetheart
#! “c’ming.” he mumbles, slowly sliding off of the couch to trudge over to you
#! “hmm?” he hummed when he got to the entryway of your shared bedroom
#! “can you hold this up a bit, i need to get something in here.” you were in the walk-in closet organizing some things
#! he was happy to help, but you could tell from the way he was pouting and his eyebrows still furrowed that something was bothering him
#! you sighed, “what’s wrong?”
#! “nothin’.”
#! “‘tsumu....,” you gave him a knowing look
#! he was gonna have to tell you at some point, “‘samu, that food hogging pig!”
#! “oh, hey! don’t call him that! it’s mean.”
#! “dun care, his fault for not sharing. our mom taught us better than that.”
#! “you don’t share, get off his back.”
#! “i do!! why are ya siding with him?! i’m yer boyfriend! yer sweet, loving, ethereal boyfriend!”
#! you raised an eyebrow at the way he described himself, “y’sure ‘bout that?”
#! his mouth opens as if he was going to gasp but no sound came out, he just pretended to faint
#! “oh no, did you die?”
#! no answer
#! “about time, thought i was gonna have to endure it for a few more years.”
#! “hey!!” he bounced back up when he heard you say that ridiculously offensive comment
#! “fine, i’ll leave then. don’t come running back to me when ya miss yer oh so handsome future husband.”
#! you snorted before going back to organizing the closet, “hold this for me, please.”
#! he groaned from the back of his throat but went over to help you anyway
#! recently, the twins’ mom gave you guys some boxes of clothes she had put away for some time. not wanting to throw them away, she gave it to you guys and osamu to take whatever you could
#! while looking through the boxes, you dug up some baby clothes that belonged to atsumu
#! “oh my god.”
#! he swings his head over to look at you, “what? hey! that’s mine!”
#! “it’s so ugly.”
#! “i’m telling my mom you said that. she’s gonna hate you sooooo much.”
#! “‘tsum, she set you up.”
#! he faked a wail and then turned back around to ignore you
#! “y’think we can keep some?”
#! “what for?”
#! “i don’t know..what if we have kids later?”
#! “that sounds nice...but we might have twins. i don’t want that.”
#! “huh? you can’t control who and how many we get, ‘tsumu.”
#! “then, let’s not risk it!”
#! “so, you don’t want kids?”
#! “precisely, yah.”
#! you stared incredulously at him while he continued sorting through stuff like he didn’t just tell you he made up his mind on not wanting kids
#! you found out two days ago that you’re pregnant, not yet telling atsumu because you just couldn’t find the right time to sit him down and talk
#! you didn’t expect to find out now that he for sure didn’t want kids. you guys talked about it a few times throughout the years of being together, but he never gave a definite answer
#! it was usually just him teasing you, or he was running around the answer. you never pushed him to answer, you didn’t want to pressure him or anything of that sort
#! “good to know, i’ll keep that in mind.” you mumbled, distracting yourself with folding the clothes
#! atsumu gave you a hum to acknowledge your words. no one says anything after that
#! a few days passed and the topic wasn’t brought up again. you secretly stashed some of the baby clothes while cleaning, the baby was gonna come at some point whether atsumu wanted it or not
#! but what you didn’t know was that he kept a stash of the baby clothes as well. he cleared out a space in his sock drawers by stuffing everything to one side, placing a stack of clothes inside because deep down he knew that there was going to be a mini him one day
#! it was currently morning, you both having the day off so you slept in. your back was curved to mold against his well defined chest while you slept. atsumu was snoring but you learned to block it out over time (he claimed you snore as well, but was never successful on proving it)
#! your eyes shot open, feeling the familiar bile crawling up your throat threatening to come out without your permission
#! quickly throwing the arm that was wrapped around you off, you ran towards the connected bathroom
#! your disappearance making atsumu’s sleepy eyes blink open, “babe? it’s still early.” his rough morning voice whispering out because it wasn’t capable of being louder than that in the morning
#! he heard the gagging noises from the restroom, eyes shooting wide awake in concern. he trips over the comforter trying to get out of bed, hurriedly running to you
#! atsumu acted fast and was holding your hair back, warm palms rubbing circles on your back. he wasn’t sure what to say, choosing to stay silent until you were finished
#! you wiped your mouth with the back of your palm, gasping for air over the toilet seat, reaching out to hold the hand that was on your back, you whispered out an, “i’m pregnant.”
#! initially he didn’t hear you, but once he heard it in his head he gasped. “how long?”
#! “not sure, almost a month?” your voice rough from throwing up
#! atsumu was confused. eyes darting everywhere, not really sure where to exactly focus on. his mind was racing, trying to think of why he didn’t know anything for so long, “ya didn’t tell me?”
#! “how could i when you said you don’t want kids?”
#! “i’m...oh..sorry, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean for it to be taken too seriously. i only said that because of the thing with ‘samu so i thought ya could tell it was a joke.”
#! “no ‘tsumu, i couldn’t. i was already pregnant at that point and hearing you say that about having kids really affected me. i didn’t know how to tell you after you specifically said to not risk anything, how was i suppose to know it was meant to be a joke?” your voice still groggy and tears were building up in your eyes.
#! he lightly sighs then brings his hand up to cup your head, rubbing it to calm you down. “i’m so sorry, angel. i do want kids, specifically with ya. what i said was a bit dicky, but i was just being immature, i promise. i won’t joke about serious things like that again, i’m sorry.”
#! you sniffed and brought his hand up to kiss him on the palm, but he quickly yanked it away making you look up at him in shock. “ya just threw up.” he pointed to the toilet.
#! you laughed at that and quickly apologized, he carried you up so you both can stand up from the bathroom floor. atsumu gently washing your hands and around your mouth, then you swishing some water in your mouth to get rid of the throw up aftertaste
#! “wanna know a secret, babe?” he blurted out while helping you walk back to the bed
#! “what?”
#! “i kept some of the baby clothes.” a shy smile on his face as he winks at you from the side
KAGEYAMA
#! you’ve been feeling a bit sluggish lately, you weren’t sure why because it came out of nowhere
#! you decided to ignore it, but as time passes, you didn’t get any better and you even started to throw up
#! thinking back to the talk your mom gave you when you were 10, you went out to buy some pregnancy tests
#! the timeline made sense, the last time you both had sex was a few weeks ago
#! kageyama’s been caught up with practice, you were stressed, so naturally you both thought it was a good idea to let it out
#! but what you didn’t expect was having to buy pregnancy tests because there was a possibility you’re pregnant
#! granted there wasn’t any protection used and you stopped taking your pills a while ago because you guys just didn’t care anymore, so nevermind, you do see how you could be pregnant
#! but damn, one time. all it took was one time
#! shaking your head, you took your phone out to text kageyama
#! you’re not telling him over text, just letting him know you have something to tell him tonight so he can know to prepare for a talk
#! you: tobiii
#! you: i have something to tell you
#! you: tonight tho
#! you: after you come home
#! him: ok love
#! while waiting for him to come home, you lazed around and scrolled through social media for a bit. checking twitter, you were reading some tweets from kageyama’s fans, finding some funny, some adorable, and some just...weird
#! but one tweet you saw was from someone who had met kageyama at one of his previous games. the person was talking about their experience getting to meet him and they even wrote out a part of the conversation they had with kageyama
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: omfg i just met kageyama fucking tobiiosdfjdf
#! it was a thread so you clicked on it to continue reading
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: he’s so sighs dreamily
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: so fucking tall. i’m 5′3 and mans all the way up there 👆
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: OH OMH wait lemme type out one part of our convo omfg i think he has a partner?????? like an actual s/o guys not me
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: ok i asked him smtg along the lines of what he thought abt having so many fans who are children ykk bc i was thinking he knew i was implying that these kids look up to him and stuff
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: but this man.....is so...UNAWARE why is he like this but he said smtg like he doesnt understand how kids can be fans of him bc how can they understand professional volleyball like that and i was like ???mf didn’t u grow up playing vball
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: so i was like oh ok :D and then asked him abt his thoughts on his future kids following in his footsteps bc i was thinking his answer would be wholesome or some shit
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: he told me,,,,, i dont have kids and i dont want any... !!!! why does mr kagman not want kids w me :(( /j
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: ok so like all of this happened v quickly i was like in and out in 10 seconds lmao but WAIT after he said he doesnt want kids i saw him scrunching his face up
#! kageyama’s gf (real) @K4G3B10 tweeted: im not mind reader nor body language reader but idk he looked .. hrm sad?? FUCK IDK DONT TAKE M E SERIOUSLY IM DELUSIONAL
#! being an adult, you knew you shouldn’t be taking twitter threads of his teenage fans too seriously but you couldn’t help but reread the part where he said he didn’t want kids
#! did he actually say that or is this person rewording what he said? you now realized how you guys never really talked about having kids
#! sure, it was brought up once or twice but it was just because you were having baby fever. kageyama himself never directly told you he wanted kids or he was fine with having kids of his own
#! you sighed to yourself as you lock your phone, closing your eyes to take a nap until kageyama comes home
#! you felt yourself being shaken awake lightly, a familiar presence hovering over you on the couch made you open an eye
#! “tobio?”
#! “who else would it be?”
#! “i don’t know, a murderer?”
#! he scoffs at the slim chance of a someone breaking in to hurt you, but quickly turned his attention back to you when he remembered you wanted to talk
#! “so what’d you wanted to tell me?”
#! “oh, can you sit down?”
#! “o..kay?” he stiffly walked to sit beside you on the couch
#! “i’m uh,” think of something, “honestly, i forgot. yea, i forgot what i was gonna tell you. sorry.”
#! he raises one eyebrow to gaze at you curiously
#! “are you sure? it sounded important when you texted me.”
#! “mhm! yup, i forgot. sorry if i worried you, heh, are you hungry? there’s leftovers we can heat up.” you quickly tried to change the subject, getting up to walk to the kitchen
#! luckily your boyfriend didn’t question it further and got up to trail right behind you
#! you figured giving yourself some time before telling him after what you read was a good idea
#! are you aware that you were overthinking some tweet by a stranger on the app that is twitter? yes, you were. but you’re also human and overthinking is in human’s nature
#! it’s been three weeks and you still haven’t told kageyama the news. a part of you was ready to tell him, just let him know and you guys talk it out, what’s the worst that could happen
#! but the other part of you was scared. scared he actually didn’t want kids. scared he was going to leave you because going through with the pregnancy would drag him down. scared he would get mad at you for not being more careful when he was equally at fault
#! you know how kageyama gets when his emotions get complicated, he can’t deal with it so his one outlet is anger
#! he has no filter and says whatever comes to mind, all logical thinking leaving his brain
#! and that part of you is the stronger one
#! obviously you were going to tell him at some point, it’s not like you can literally hide the growing baby inside you
#! just not yet, not until you’re ready
#! you’re currently a little over a month, bump not really showing, but it’s there and it’s growing
#! kageyama can be a bit dim when it comes to.. most things beside volleyball, and usually you tease him about it but for once you thank whatever god is out there that he hasn’t noticed any big changes on your body yet
#! that was until you were showering, and he made the decision to enter the shower with you without your knowledge
#! humming to yourself while scrubbing your arms, you scooted back away from the water so it wouldn’t wash off the body wash you were trying to use
#! the action causing you to lightly hit kageyama’s chest making you jump from where you were standing
#! “tobio!” you screamed, turning around to throw the foamed body wash at him
#! he chuckles at your surprised expression and didn’t mind the soap you threw onto him, which was now sticking to his defined chest
#! “why were you just standing there, creep?”
#! he was still giggling when he answered you, “did i scare you this time?”
#! “what do you think?” you lightheartedly roll your eyes before going back to scrubbing your body
#! he picked the loofah out of your hand to continue for you
#! you both enjoyed the relaxing sound of running water and quiet echoed hums as he takes his time washing you when he suddenly stopped
#! opening your eyes, you looked up at him, “what’s wrong?”
#! he was just staring at you, blinking very slowly
#! “why do you look- your stomach feels- you look very-,” he sighs, “you look pregnant.”
#! now it was your turn to blink at him
#! you totally forgot that you were naked at the moment and he could easily see every inch of your body
#! blinking once more, you took a deep breath before telling him, “that’s ‘cuz i am.”
#! “y-you are?!” he jumped from his spot
#! “yea.. do you have a problem with that?”
#! “i...why didn’t you tell me?”
#! “do you have a problem with that?” you repeated
#! “n-no..so why didn’t you tell me?”
#! “you’re not mad?”
#! “why would i...?” his voice slightly turning high pitched as he dragged the i out
#! “i thought you didn’t want kids.”
#! “who told you that? when did i say that?”
#! “twitter.” you murmured under your breath
#! “what?”
#! “twitter..” you said a bit louder, still murmuring and choosing to turn away from him
#! “twitter?! why didn’t you just tell me, your real life boyfriend?”
#! “because!.... i was scared.”
#! “s-scared? baby, why?”
#! “i was scared you were going to leave. i don’t want you to leave. that night i told you i had something to tell you, that was when i found out. i backed out when you came home and i’m sorry. i should’ve just told you, i’m sorry, tobio-,” you were crying at this point, both of you standing under the water
#! “shh, shh, it’s okay. i’m sorry for not noticing earlier. you’re alright, babe. it’s okay. it’s okay to not feel ready, you don’t have to feel pressured to tell me anything, alright? whenever you’re ready, you tell me,” you meekly nodded as he pulls you into a hug, “whenever you’re ready..”
#! you both stood hugging each other’s bare body for a few minutes under the warm water
#! “that was probably the smartest thing you’ve ever said, tobi.” your voice sounding congested from the crying
#! “hey. mean.”
#i want the image of him crying out! of my brain!#him as in iwa#his usual scowl-imprinted face disappearing whenever he’s with you and he cries when he’s too happy#yea.......now that’s a man#kisses for u if u noticed the reference i put in kag's that alluded to my apple watch hcs#written with love - ar#haikyuu x reader#iwaizumi x reader#atsumu x reader#kageyama x reader#iwaizumi scenarios#atsumu scenarios#kageyama scenarios#iwaizumi headcanons#atsumu headcanons#kageyama headcanons#iwaizumi imagine#atsumu imagines#kageyama imagine#iwaizumi fluff#iwaizumi angst#atsumu fluff#atsumu angst#kageyama fluff#kageyama angst#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu angst#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu imagines
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hey. can u do part 2 to the’ Being a High School Student on A Marvel Set’? :)
💌
Period Buddies
Pairing: platonic!Sebastian Stan x teen!reader, platonic!Anthony Mackie x teen!reader
Summary: I’m currently on my period so I wrote this to help me cope:) Basically Anthony and Seb being the biggest and supportive guys to you during your period:)
Warnings: Umm not much, some mentions of blood and periods.
Hello my love!💞 Thank you for the request! I was actually planning on making another ‘High School student’ fic with the Marvel cast, so I decided to use that idea for this request! I hope you like it🥰 Also sorry I haven’t uploaded a fic in a while; I was lacking motivation to write and school was pretty hectic😭 Thank you for your patience my loves x
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fluturaș - little butterfly
✧───── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧
You were laid out along your couch in your trailer, a fluffy Sherpa blanket wrapped around you and your head resting atop two soft pillows. You were laid on your stomach, the pressure of the couch slightly helping with the stinging pain in your lower abdomen. Your geography teacher was teaching via Zoom, though your laptop was on the coffee table that was inches away from you; knowing you weren’t feeling your best, you’ve decided to stay on the couch for school and moved the table closer to the couch so everything was within your reach. You had been lazily taking notes—or attempting to with the remaining energy you could muster up.
You had been surprised by the devil himself when you woke up earlier today at around six in the morning. You knew your monthly was coming; with the constant cravings, body aches, and the newly developed pimple gracing your face, your period was around the corner. And you were right, a dark red stain was splotched onto your white floral bedsheets when you woke up today. What a way to start the morning.
Yes, no woman ever felt their best during their period. You were always bloated, hungry, and blood was constantly flowing out of you, yet you were still expected to show up to both work and school. Not to mention, the pain you were currently enduring was making it really difficult for you to to focus on anything. Your teacher’s voice seemed to fade into the background as your body was blinded with the stabbing pain in your lower abdomen. You may have been overreacting, but everything just hurt.
Geography was your midway class, meaning that you were halfway through your school day. Which also meant that you were soon to be called to set. You had a lunch break and some time to do your homework, but either way you still had to get to set. Usually you’d be antsy to get the school day over with, practically buzzing to get to get into your costume and do some stunts with your two favorite guys on set. Although today was different, the thought of heading to set and being active felt dreadful. You just wanted to curl up into a ball, snuggle into your Sherpa blanket, and take a well deserved nap.
Your teacher’s voice was interrupted by a knock on your door. Already knowing who it was, you let out a faint “come in” to the two men outside your trailer. A second passes before your trailer’s door slowly opens and Anthony’s head pops from behind it. His sparkling yet dark brown eyes and toothy grin etched onto his friendly features. Sebastian pops up behind him, an equally wide smile on his face as he wiggled a white take away box in the air.
“What’s up buttercup.” They cheerfully greet you.
Though both of the men’s smiles drop once they see you bundled up on the couch. Anthony fully enters your trailer, Sebastian following suit. Approaching your little set up, Anthony glances at your laptop.
“Isn’t your camera on? Did your teacher allow you to attend school like this?” He asks you. He knew you were a responsible kid and had no troubles keeping up with your education. But that’s the thing, you were still a kid. Having kids of his own, he knew how unmotivated children can get in the middle of the school year and the laziness that came along with it. Seeing you lounging on the couch while your teacher was lecturing was just a bit concerning for him.
You stiffly nod, “My camera’s off. I just don’t feel good.”
The last sentence catches both of the grown men’s attention. Sebastian rounds the corner of the coffee table and hovers over you, observing your face. He softly places the back of his hand onto your forehead, checking for any alarming warmth.
“You’re a bit warm, but it’s probably because of the blanket.” He mutters, choosing to sit on the arm rest of the couch. “You alright, fluturaș?” He looks down at you in concern, lips tilting down into a small frown.
Anthony had settled beside your feet, one of his arms using your ankles as an arm rest. Strangely enough his arm brought you comfort instead of adding to the ache in your legs.
“I’m just—I’m on my period.” You mumbled in response. You wait for the awkward tension to build but it never came. You glance at the two men and see the realization settle in them.
“And I have really bad cramps at the moment, that it’s just hard to do anything. So I decided to stay on the couch today.” You explain with a slight shrug. They didn’t understand the pain you were going through, but they understood what you meant. While the both of them had female friends and what not, they were somewhat aware of what you were going through.
Anthony claps his hands to his thighs, “Alright, it’s ok to give yourself some rest. You just relax and listen to whatever your teacher’s going on about.” He motions to your laptop and continues, “Is there anything we can do to help you?”
While taking down notes, you momentarily glance at them, “No it’s fine, you guys already brought me food. Thanks, by the way.”
They didn’t want to leave you alone, you were clearly not feeling well and they both wanted to do something. They couldn’t do anything about the pain from your menstrual cycle, but they can help distract you from the pain.
“No, we’re gonna help you. Have you eaten ever since breakfast? I’ll spoon feed you if I have to.” Sebastian insists. You thought he was joking, but when you looked at his face he was serious.
“I had a brownie—wait, aren’t you guys supposed to be filming?” You question the both of them.
“Something went wrong on set so now we have a few hours or something till they figure it out.” Anthony answers, scrolling through his phone. He abruptly stands up to his feet and heads towards the door. You and Seb send him a questioning look.
“I’ll be back.” With that he pulls your door open and jogs out, leaving you and Sebastian in your trailer. You decide to tune back into your class, resuming to take down notes from the slides your teacher shared. Suddenly, a large hand gets in the way of your notebook.
“Gimme that.” Sebastian takes the pencil and notebook from you, placing them on his lap and staring at your screen. His eyes scan the PowerPoint, looking for the part you left off on. He hums when he finds it and began to write the notes himself.
“What are you doing?” You raise a brow at him, scanning his appearance. He was dressed in Bucky’s clothes, minus the black and gold ‘metal’ arm. He was still sat on the arm rest, slightly slouching so he could bend down to use his lap as a table.
“I’m doing your notes for you.” He answers nonchalantly. He motions to the white take away box on your coffee table, “Eat your lunch, I got this.”
You hesitate to sit up, feeling bad that Sebastian was doing your notes. Though, he did insist on doing it and you weren’t feeling your best. After an internal argument with yourself, you decided to let it slide and let Sebastian do your notes. Besides, he looked like he was enjoying taking notes on agriculture regions and the different types of farming.
“Are you sure, Seb?” You ask him again, slowly sitting up on the couch. He responds with a distracted ‘mhm’, his eyes focused on your notebook and his tongue sticking out in concentration. You quietly thank him and get up to use the bathroom.
While you were gone doing your business, Anthony had entered your trailer again. This time he had a plate full of brownies, a medium sized cup of ice cream from the vending machine, and one of those red hot water bottles in his arms.
“Where’s the kid?” He balances the things in his arms while carefully placing the plate of brownies onto your coffee table. Anthony locates your mini fridge and stores the ice cream in the freezer.
“Bathroom.” Sebastian acknowledged, still focused on writing the notes correctly in your notebook. He made sure to write neatly and copy the way you organized your notes. Saving you the hassle of missing out on important parts of the lesson and from decoding his personally sloppy writing.
Anthony empties his pockets to reveal more of your favorite snacks from crafties and the vending machine. “So...what are you doing?”
“I’m in geography class.” Anthony snorts at his friend before taking a look at your laptop screen, “And what are y’all learning in geography class?”
“Pastoral nomadism.” Seb bluntly answers. With his arms now free of the items he brought, Anthony decided to tidy up your couch. He folded your blanket neatly, fluffed your pillows, and made space for Seb to actually sit on the couch.
“What the hell is pastoral nomadism?” Anthony thought out loud.
“It’s when people travel from place to place with domesticated animals. It’s usually practiced in dry land climates.” Sebastian explains, eyes never faltering from the screen or your notebook. Anthony let’s out a sound of approval at Seb’s explanation. When he was done cleaning up your couch, he took the white take away box and headed to your kitchen. Emptying the contents of the container onto one of your plates, heating the food up for you.
You walk into the kitchen section of your trailer, shutting the bathroom door behind you. A delicious aroma lingers in the air, your nose picks up on the smell, sending it straight to your stomach. In response, your stomach lets out a low growl, making Anthony snicker at you.
“I’m heating up the food.” Anthony mentions as you pass by him. You thank him with a small smile as he gently nudges his shoulder against yours.
“Want me to make tea or something? I heard it helps reduce the cramps.” You raise a brow at him amusingly, “Where’d you hear that?”
“I read it on Google. You know, research, gotta make sure our girl’s comfortable.” He proudly tells you. Your heart warms at the fact that both him and Seb were willingly helping you while you were in pain. The microwave dings catching both yours and Anthony’s attention.
As he gingerly takes the plate out he asks you, “You wanna eat at the table or the couch.”
“The couch, I still wanna listen in on the lesson.” For a moment you forgot that you were supposed to still be at school, taking notes, and listening to your teacher teach the lesson. You enter the living room and sit next to Seb, who’s hand was digging into your pencil case.
“Want me to take over?”
“Nah, I got it, I’m too invested to stop. Which one?” He held up three of your highlighters, one was light blue, another was a peachy pink, and the other was a typical yellow highlighter. You grin, picking the peachy pink one. He tosses the other two back into your pencil case and uncaps the highlighter. While your teacher wraps up class, he began to highlight the new terms from today’s class.
“Here ya go.” Anthony sang; grabbing a pillow, placing it onto your lap, and carefully setting the plate of chicken teriyaki fried rice on top of it. You happily thank him and began to dig in. He slumps onto the couch beside you, “Tell me if you need anything else. I’ve got ice cream in the freezer, brownies, a hot water bottle, and a whole box of tea.” He throws his arm around your shoulder, letting it rest against the back of the couch.
You pause your eating, pouting at the two men beside you, “You guys really don’t have to do this. But I appreciate it so much, thank you.”
Seb looks at you over his shoulder, sending you a sweet smile, “Anything to make you happy, fluturaș.”
Anthony squeezes your shoulder, “Anytime munchkin, starting today till you’re not a ketchup packet anymore, Seb and I’ll be your period buddies.”
You snort shaking your head at him, “Again, I appreciate it Ant, but please don’t call yourselves period buddies.”
“What’s wrong with period buddies? You’re on your period and we’re all a bunch of buddies. It makes perfect sense!” Anthony reasoned defensively. Seb looks at the both of you over his shoulder again, “I like period buddies.”
“See! Thank you.” You playfully rolled your eyes at the two. “Fine, period buddies it is.”
Your geography teacher wraps the lesson up and ends the Zoom call. Seb shuts your notebook and puts it to the side. Clapping his hands, he asks you, “Alright, what class do we have next?”
“Calculus.” You smirk, followed by the groans of Anthony and Sebastian filling your trailer.
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Villain Hunt Arc Meta: All For One’s Horrific Guide to Methodically Breaking Down Your Local OFA Holder
Ft. Turning the ‘Overpoweredness’ of OFA into a Setback, and AFO’s Successful Manipulations Of Midoriya Izuku
In which I also give AFO too much credit for all the pain he’s probably caused, and theorize that his plans to break Izuku actually started getting enacted even before he’d escaped Tartarus.
(A.k.a. me loving the angst because this is really good angst writing, but also hating it because the manga doesn’t come with a Angst with A Happy Ending tag unless you count Izuku’s ‘this is the story of how I became the greatest hero’ which isn’t really a guarantee of happiness )
So. What an arc! In the span of ten chapters (starting from the end of the War arc) Hori delivered a full-on Villain-looking, Vigilante Midoriya Izuku. Congratulations, Horikoshi, for finally introducing Akatani Mikumo!
The fast pacing and lack of breather panels are so fitting for this arc truly. AFO never gave them a moment’s rest. Yes, from henceforth as he’d promised... It’s always going to be his turn.
Izuku is making amazing progress with unlocking the full power of One For All. In his words, his abilities might as well already be on par with what a healthier All Might could do, and with no recoil to boot. Plus, there’s only one last quirk to unlock. For villain fights, I don’t think we need to worry about him losing, or him breaking anymore bones at this time.
Which, some might argue, makes Izuku too ‘OP.’
To start with, I want to talk first about the ‘overpoweredness’ of the One For All quirk. It’s a wonderful quirk truly, having inspired and amazed so many because of its sheer power. Used well, it could grant instant victories and restore the people’s wavering faith to the heroes. Because with a quirk like that on your side, everything’s going to be alright, right? There’s always gonna be that bit of hope that something is still strong enough to stand against the looming evil...right?
Yeah. That’s what the people who’d lived under All Might’s Era of Peace thought so too. History repeats.
OFA’s ‘OP-ness’ is both a great blessing and a great burden.
Here are some points on how the narrative has made OFA's 'overpoweredness' a setback:
1. All For One—that bastard—exploits the urge that comes with OFA. Just as ‘AFO the quirk’s’ goal is to steal OFA, OFA’s job is to defeat AFO, and Izuku is sacrificing himself to its cause.
Here’s another thing I want to point out: The conclusion that the heroes drew about AFO planning to capture Midoriya Izuku alive? In rereading, I’m starting to believe it’s nothing but a mere assumption of his plans. Aside from the deal made with Lady Nagant—of which I think AFO didn’t take seriously anyway and set her up for failure— (and while we as readers are already aware of his true intentions to wear Izuku down) it’s weird that nowhere had AFO directly mentioned to Izuku that he’s going to kidnap him and take his quirk from him.
2. OFA made Izuku so brilliant (e.g. Pros and former Pros alike going “This kid...”) that they really can't help but place all their hopes on him. Sighs. In an ideal world, this would be a dream come true of Izuku getting his due credit for all his heroic achievements Pro heroes have started to do to Izuku what they’ve done all their lives to All Might--which is to put him on the pedestal, while they fall back to cover him like guards/safety net. Hence, falling back to the One Pillar Model mindset.
3. OFA makes Izuku untouchable, not only to the villains, but also to his allies. Prime material to reinforce isolation. And if Izuku doesn't want to be caught, he won't make it easy for either side.
4. OFA IS SUS AF, OKAY? What are the Holders doing?! While gaining access to them makes it easier and convenient to have personal trainers in handling OFA, the vestiges prove to add a lot to Izuku’s mental load. If they’d allowed Izuku to come to the point of being caked with blood and filth, they’re not doing very well at guiding him. Realize that most of their arc interactions with Izuku is Quirk Talk. They, of all people, should know how AFO’s machinations work! Hey First, for the love of god, warn Izuku! He’s showing so many signs of being manipulated that you should be picking up on. please /sobs ;;
Tbf, like, I’m pretty sure that the Holders haven’t been as mentally okay either, which would feed into Izuku’s current mindset.
Now that the setbacks have been listed, let’s dive in to AFO’s plans to toy with Midoriya Izuku.
PHASE 1: Pre-Tartarus Breakout
Speaking of OFA being sus, there’s something that has been niggling at the back of my mind.
All For One basically tells Izuku: “You were my main interest that entire time I was in prison”. So, to pass the time in Tartarus (since he can’t use any(?) of his quirks), AFO has been doing nothing but apparently daydreaming and designing a personal hell for the Ninth Holder during that entire period. HOWEVER, it also made me wonder…
…Even before he’d broken out, had AFO made any moves at all in enacting his plans to break Izuku?
Yeah?
And here’s the kicker: he says that before Blackwhip bursted out.
AFO is a master manipulator. Assuming that Izuku doesn’t have any latent AFO quirk (for whatever reason *coughs* maybe dfo if you're a believer) or that Quirk Singularity has anything to do with it, what is the trigger to Izuku suddenly having access to Blackwhip?
I’d argue that it is All For One himself.
Why? What’s his goal? If you notice during the Joint Training arc, Izuku is feeling pretty confident about his progress. He’s rather happy and feeling blessed, and he is making leaps and bounds with base power OFA.
AFO can’t have that. He can’t allow the Ninth Holder to become too emotionally stable, or else he’d have a stronger will. So by somehow activating Blackwhip, AFO makes Izuku feel like he hasn’t made any progress with his quirk at all. During the evaluations, Izuku mentions that he still needs a lot to work on, and while not all of it is visible, with the way he behaves, it’s pretty evident that his self-confidence has taken a rather large hit.
But, wait! If AFO had tampered with OFA during the JT arc, paving the way to unlocking the rest (like he’d also done during the War arc when he tried to ‘steal’ it then), then wouldn’t AFO be sabotaging himself since he’d be making Izuku a more formidable opponent?
Sure. Except that the quirks inside OFA are mostly useless when it comes to the mental part of the fighting. The only thing they’re useful for is for the current Holder to be able to play keep-away in the physical realm. And AFO could easily just find counters for those through his work on Tomura.
You know how else the situation becomes advantageous for AFO? With every quirk unlocked, Izuku’s goalposts keep on getting away from him, and Izuku will always feel like he isn’t ready or prepared enough. Izuku will push and push himself to master OFA to its fullest, to become more powerful, at the cost of his mental/emotional stability and physical wellbeing as he wears himself down.
And every time Izuku grew more powerful, and became more ‘OP,’ he is burdened with all the aforementioned setbacks that came with it. He could be the most powerful person in the world, but it’s all for naught if he doesn’t take care of himself. This plan is both a high risk and high reward on AFO’s part, and as of the moment, with a bloody Izuku staggering all over, AFO is visibly reaping these high rewards.
PHASE 2: Post-Tartarus Breakout
He’s going to toy with Izuku until Izuku fucking breaks. What follows is his series of actions that instills the desired responses from Midoriya Izuku. Let’s see how the master manipulator plays this game of chess, shall we?
Izuku’s plan: Reach out to villains and try to save them.
AFO’s counter: Kill off those who turn their back against villainy and/or acknowledge Izuku as a true hero.
Izuku’s resulting response: Stop reaching out to villains. Gain an instant victory and move on.
After all, what do you get when you block a hero from showing sympathy? You get an unfeeling living weapon.
---
Izuku’s plan: Work with the top pro heroes to bring down AFO.
AFO’s counter: Make plans that will serve to highlight how the top pros are just slowing Izuku down. (e.g. Making moves while it’s raining, so as to divide them, but also to bring out No. 1 Hero Endeavor’s "slowness" in the rain. Nope, I don’t think that’s a throwaway line at all.)
Izuku’s resulting response: Grows more reckless, often leading the charge.
---
Izuku’s plan: Track AFO down.
AFO’s counter: Lead them to dead-ends. Or when they do supposedly reach something, endanger them.
Izuku’s resulting response: His tunnel vision worsens, as he grows more desperate.
---
Izuku’s plan: All Might following him around is okay since it would help All Might from worrying so much, and Izuku could simultaneously keep an eye on and protect All Might.
AFO’s counters: There are a lot to really fuck with this bond, damn you AFO.
Taint that passing the torch memory of ‘You’re Next.’
Declare that All Might no longer interests him. Liar. He outright stated before that he’s one for keeping a grudge
Send another assassin to Izuku [Underlying Message: You yourself are a walking danger zone to those whom you dearly care for.]
Izuku’s resulting response:
Interpret that memory of ‘You’re Next’ as taking up the position of being AFO’s shiny new plaything, and therefore supposedly sparing All Might from the torment (Unfortunately, making Izuku push AM away is just part of the torment ;A;)
Think that AM is no longer in the direct line of fire as long as AFO focuses on Izuku
Finally, push his last line of morale support away, and completely isolate himself.
Btw, I wonder how All Might feels about Izuku using Nana's quirk to get away from him.
---
The suffering doesn’t end.
Izuku’s plan: Save people.
AFO’s counters: (possibly offscreen) Send more villains and assassins to torment Izuku some more with the knowledge that he can’t save them. Sending villains out also puts innocents in danger.
Izuku’s resulting response: He won’t stop for anything. He won’t sleep, won’t eat, won’t slow down. He will always do his best to save as long as someone is in danger.
His body will keep on moving and moving and MOVING on its own.
---
All For One is very effective as a supervillain. He has managed to make the heroes think that his only goal is to capture Izuku alive for his quirk. He has Izuku right where he wants him: dancing to his tune at the palm of his hand, utterly toyed with, left with no escape in sight.
Psychologically vaulted.
.
.
.
PHASE 3
And so, if Izuku is being manipulated to drive himself further and further into self-destruction, what then is there left for All For One to do?
So much more. Because, my god, I think AFO has mastered the art of traumatizing the OFA Holders.
All For One once told All Might, “I will destroy all that you’ve protected.” And boy, is he delivering. He's definitely not done with AM btw.
First, he destroys All Might's image. And he is manipulating Izuku to drive himself to that point. To looking into his absolute worst.
And when that point arrives, AFO will hammer the final nail home.
Something like...
BEHOLD
JAPAN’S SYMBOL OF PEACE.
And oh, how it'll hurt. To see All Might's pride and joy be flaunted about as looking nothing like a hero to the masses, for him to be so utterly humiliated.
"See what I did to All Might's successor."
AFO will be banking upon the possibility that the angry masses will not want to be saved by whom they're tricked into viewing as someone that's the cause of all the pain. Izuku might have the willpower to stay true to his resolve, but with him on the verge of total breakdown, what would happen when he is shunned by the very people he is trying to help?
I once wrote a post about how the current events seem to be a bastardization of Izuku's wildest fantasies: he's working with the top pros, he has the most powerful quirk, and he's working with All Might (whom technically acts as a sidekick to him rn).
AFO has warped all that into a never-ending nightmare. And Izuku...
Izuku is really in need of saving.
Last thoughts:
Let me just say that it shouldn't be a competition about who gets to get through to Izuku. Right now, he’s gonna need all the help he can get, and it can’t be delivered by only one or two people. Saving Izuku is going to be a team effort, a solid support system that sees Izuku as their classmate/friend/student/actual person that they care about. And there’s sufficient space for that.
More hands reaching out means more chances to catch him if he falls.
#bnha#bnha 317#bnha manga#bnha analysis#bnha meta#all for one#afo#midoriya izuku#all might#toshinori yagi
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