#I’m having a bad day and HB is making me feel better

[ripplestitchskein]

I'm new to stolitz and HB and your takes/ your essay was a breath of fresh air. Maybe it's because I'm new here in the HB fandom, but I've seen more people talking shit about Stolas/"Stolas fans" than actual "toxic" Stolas fans? And don't get me started on those horrible ass takes calling Stolas a sexual assaulter/abuser or comparing Stolitz to Angel and Valentino, likening Stolas to Valentino.

It bothers the heck out of me but at the end of the day, with more exposure to that noise I can navigate how to tune it out and they can stay bitter and talk shit about everything they watch while we wait for "Full Moon"

Welcome Nonnie! Thank you so much! I’ve really missed doing things like this. It’s been awhile since I interacted this heavily with a fandom as nothing has really caught my brain this intensely for a long time so it’s nice to discover likeminded people in it. I’m new too! We can be new together.

It’s funny, I didn’t even know about HB until after I watched Hazbin, I had seen literally zero things about it, and while I had heard of Hazbin over the years and had seen Alastor I didn’t know what it was, I thought it was one of those popular dating sims, or like a new tumblr sexy man thing I hadn’t heard about which is hilarious to me now. A bunch of my IRL friends were talking about Hazbin a lot though and I love musical theater and have been on a personal art journey for a while (it started as getting better at art for video games, I’m a software engineer, but turned into me making a comic somehow because I’m a lifelong writer too) and the art style intrigued me so I decided to check it out. I loved it a lot, but like a normal amount. When I came on here people were talking about Helluva Boss so I’m like “ooh, more content” so we watched that and my brain saw Stolas and Stolitz and started the sirens. Like literally a “Oh no I love him” moment in LooLoo Land.

There are just characters and ships that hit just right. Imagine my surprise when I went into fandom spaces and there were people with these crazy interpretations of them and of Stolas I couldn’t reconcile with what I’d just watched. Like at all. Well I was surprised, but I’ve been around a fandom or two so I wasn’t that surprised but in this instance it was especially strange to me. It didn’t jive AT ALL with the show I just watched. Honestly, that intrigued me as much as the ship did.

Especially the Stolas takes. I’m like “This guy? This complete dork who is trying to mirror what his crush wants so bad he might as well be made of silvered glass?” “Evil Sexual assaulter? The guy in the royal romper who sings to his daughter and gets excited over legal contracts and makes silly little owl noises? This is the guy who has some evil sexual coercion plot over the dude who threatened to fuck his employees 11 minutes into the show and can’t go ten minutes without saying cum?” It was REALLY confusing let me tell you. Like you have this really fucked up reality where murder is A-Okay and characters that say vile shit to each other as a matter of course and people are all up in arms about a transactional sexual relationship? It just seemed like one of the least problematic things some of these characters do lol and I felt like I was in a room where something important happened and I missed it.

I’m pretty good about taking in different views, because of my ND I try really hard to understand where people are coming from and kind of assume I missed something everyone else knew from being in the fandom for so long, that being new I didn’t know, but the more I looked into it the more it seemed tied to an interpretation of the character that wasn’t in what I had watched. I watched the VivziePop channel playlist which does not have the Pilot. When I found out about the original Pilot some quotes made a *little* more sense especially with the huge gaps in content releases, but I’m still fucking baffled a lot of the time tbh. Sometimes I feel like these people are watching an entirely different show based on that Pilot and our social media have crossed universes.

I’m used to this though, the last major characters to take over my brain were MXTX characters, Bakugou from MHA and Killian Jones before that so I am pretty used to people having character interpretations who can’t get past first impressions, and ignore like literally years of development. (More about the last two, the MXTX fandom is one of the best I’ve been in, everyone seems to be really happy with the canon content there all around, I can’t think of any hate I’ve ever seen about any character tbh, even the actual villains. Fan fiction game is on point too, so many good writers in that fandom).

I’m also used to people ascribing love of a fictional character to a real life moral failing. My view has always been that I enjoy more complex characters and stories that aren’t always squeaky clean because it’s fiction and it’s fucking boring if everyone in it are these perfect unflawed cardboard cutouts who always act the right way, never hurt other people, and never make mistakes or fuck up or miscommunicate. People approaching relationships from differing points of view, struggling with darkness and trauma, and reconciling their issues especially together or to BE together is the fucking BEST thing about fiction.

Fandoms are fucking bizarre is what I’ve ultimately landed on. And they don’t understand what toxic means. Or problematic. Like just plain do not understand those words.

We’ll be fine Nonnie! Let’s just keep flailing over things we love, crying over the angst train that is surely coming full speed at our faces (and will probably have to deal with for years because of the release schedule), and enjoy theorizing, speculating, analyzing and creating content with other like minded people! Come vent in my inbox anytime and I’ll keep writing War and Peace length essays about 15 minute long episodes.

Seriously though, the man wears a ROYAL THEMED ROMPER how could ANYONE hate him? I love him so much.

I will say the one downside of this fandom is I know more about avian genitalia and reproduction than I ever needed to.

#anon #anonymous #Stolitz #stolas x blitz #I haven’t had a Nonnie message in forever! #we’re back baby #full on in it now #stay tuned for more of my ramblings #a lot of sobbing #like a lot #25k more viewings of look my way #and some art prob #prob a fanfic or two #let’s see where the blorbos take us

[justiciaa]

Hi! I’m someone who was present on the HH/HB fandom for a while in later 2022 before leaving and I was actually mutuals with both Stols and Aku for a bit before shit blew up. Here’s my take on things:

- Aku is garbage. No shock there. Didn’t know who she was when I added her because she did not have a rules / mun page on her Stella Goetia blog and I didn’t know her name was Aku bc that name would’ve set off warning bells from all the numerous callouts I’ve seen about her.

- Stols was friendly and honestly a total sweetheart. I will say this: their posts CAN be very attention whorish and sometimes do seem like guilt tripping or farming etc. I’ve know this kind of person before. They aren’t usually harmful but they can make other ppl feel bad seeing someone negative on their dash repeatedly posting things that make you feel sorry for them.

- Suicide baiting does not and has never meant talking about feeling or being suicida. It doesn’t even mean threatening to commit. People need to stop misusing it. Suicide baiting means baiting someone else to commit. Spamming someone with ‘kill yourself’ ‘no one would miss you if you died’ ‘you should just die already’ is suicide baiting. It’s a form of bullying. Saying ‘I feel like such a fuck up I should just kms’, while it can be manipulative and harmful, is not what suicide baiting is.

- Stols is cringe and made some dumbass mistakes. No doubting that. They may have gotten worse or better over the last two years, I have no idea bc I’m not in that fandom anymore. But I will say this:

- when it came out who Aku was while Stols was already dealing with hate from people, the amount of hate they got for simply being mutuals with Aku unknowingly? Was INSANE. It was part of what drove me out. I couldn’t believe how relentlessly cruel ppl were being for someone unknowingly being associated with a shitty person. I would not be surprised if Aku reached out to Stols and earned their friendship or sympathy after how much hate and harassment Stols got even after cutting contact with Aku.

- I think there is a lot of ableism on Tumblr and a lot of call-outs I see these days that just target people for being really mentally ill and not coping well with it is… concerning. You’re within your right to associate or not associate with anyone but if somebody’s biggest probable crime is being pathetic and sad on the dash and it made you feel bad, that’s no call out worthy. Tell them they’re being too negative for your liking and then block them. It’s really easy.

I completely agree with you on callouts and I'm posting this as is 👍

#Anonymous

[helluva-dump]

For the HB ship bingo thing, what's your thoughts on M&M (aka Moxxie x Millie)?

Oooof I feel like the fandom will burn me at stake for this 😂😂😂

Okay let me explain myself, this isn’t a ship i neither love or hate. It’s rather I have mixed feelings about this ship….

I loved it at first when I watched season 1 since they badly remind me of me and my bf and they still do in a way… But tbh… season 2 kind of shoves these two in my face a lot where it starts to become less cute and more obnoxious.

I think my main issue with this ship is how much character Millie lacks. She barely has any character and all of that is always given to Moxxie 😒😒😒 even the latest episode was still a Moxxie episode at the end of the day, they just tried to give Millie more to do.

(And Viv had to make a whole ass thread to explain Millie as a character to fans than show it to us, which is a sign of bad writing. You shouldn’t have to explain things to fans if they point out these writing flaws)

Also my issue is just they really don’t know that much about each other’s personal backgrounds… like Millie knows nothing about Moxxie’s past at all like he always keeps stuff from her. (I would find that a massive red flag with my partner ) I mean hell, my bf and Moxxie are so similar ina way with not having that much of a good family tree and have a shitty dad, but he was still in front with me about his family at the end of the day.

And I kind of expected them to have a conflict where Millie is wondering why he kept so many secrets from her and such. Which is my other issue with this ship, they are waaaaay too mushy and barely even show arguments.

Like guys, arguing doesn’t mean abuse, it’s healthy for couples to argue. It be a lot more unhealthy if they never argued at all. I mean at least we see Speckle and Bertie from Tuca and Bertie have their arguments and conflicts with each other and they’re one of the ultimate couple goals in fiction.

The only good thing about the last episode is we finally see them argue for once! However, I just don’t like how they executed it, I feel like they had that change in the Ex’s and Oh’s episode.

That being said, they’re still couple goals at the end of the day. I just wish we saw them argue more so I can find them more relatable in that regard. I do think they have a lot more potential, but I think the ship would be more interesting if we saw how Millie is as an individual character without Moxxie all the time. Or at least see how they met in the past since I’m curious how they got together.

Also the fandom with this ship is a whole new story….. like oooof the fact they justify Millie lacking character and try to defend how she’s better as a background character… it just feels super sexist… like that should not only be her one character trait. She deserves to be more than Moxxie’s wife. Doesn’t help the writers just refuse to admit they’re not that good at writing female characters.😅

So yeah the ship isn’t bad, but it could be better if we saw Millie more as an individual.

If I can say a positive about them, it’s nice to see a married couple in an adult csrtoon that isn’t ugly man/hot wife or they constantly bicker and that… because that gets old quick.

#moxxie and millie #the M&Ms #helluva boss #shipping #helluva boss critique #helluva boss critical #moonlight thoughts #answered asks

[ejunkiet]

voicemails (sam/darlin)

redacted asmr: sam/darlin. rated G for goodness. set after HBS. >:3

READ ON AO3

A series of voicemails Sam leaves Darlin' during a trip to Washington.

-

[CALLER: SAM COLLINS. MESSAGE LEFT ON SUNDAY JULY 10TH AT 2:33AM]

Hey, darlin'.

--

[CALLER: SAM COLLINS. MESSAGE LEFT ON SUNDAY JULY 10TH AT 2:33AM]

Hey, darlin'. Just wanted to call, as I was thinking of you. You must still be sleeping. Long trip up north, to see your folks. Hope the flight went well. Your text after you landed was much 'ppreciated.

I expect you'll be busy, these next few days. Picking up the last of your things. Wish I could've made the trip with you, but the sun's working against me. Summer. A vamps' least favourite season.

At least we're long past the solstice, even if it did feel like a mighty kick in the teeth. It was better with you there, though.

[Pauses for a long exhale, ending on a sigh.]

'S quiet round here with you gone. The everyday routine doesn't quite have the same ring to it that it used to. Not that I mind much. Life's been better with you around.

Still, it's gonna be a long drive back down South in the van, and I miss you, darlin'. The sound of your voice. The softness of your touch. The feelin' of your lips against mine.

[A soft exhale, followed by a laugh]

...guess it's too late to ask if you're listening to this in private. I'm gonna choose to believe you are, and that this isn't being broadcast over your car speakers. Allow me my delusions, darlin'.

[He hums, low.]

Still, I'm glad you have someone with you on the trip. Company always helps on a long drive… although I'm guessing you maybe view it as something else. A mixed blessing, as it were. From what I've seen of Asher though, he's a good man. He cares about people, you included. I think you'll do just fine.

[Another pause, the faint sound of nails scratching across a rough jaw.]

…and like I said before. The offer still stands. I know that you appreciate your own space. Trust me, I get that. 'M the same. I would never ask you to give that up, in any form. I just… wanted to make the offer. I have the space, if you were looking for it. A space that comes with less history, less baggage… and maybe a few less bloodstains. I think you get my drift.

And a vamp ain't a bad roommate, all things considered. You'd have your space, and I'd have mine. And maybe sometimes, we can meet in the middle.

…just think about it. S'all I ask.

At the very least, I can hold some of your stuff for you, until you find a new apartment. I've got plenty of space out here, you've seen it. William was mighty generous. May as well spread some of that wealth around.

[Another pause for a yawn, his jaw clicking with it.]

…alright. I think that's about it.

[He lets out another hum, low and soft down the line.]

Thinking of you, Darlin'. Take care, and drive safe. I'll see you soon.

[BEEP]

–

[CALLER: SAM COLLINS. MESSAGE LEFT ON SUNDAY JULY 10TH AT 10:33PM]

Hey, Darlin'.

It was good to hear your voice. Good also to know that the move is going okay, and you're on the road back down already. Heck, you're probably still driving now. Don't push it too hard. Lean on your packmate, ask if he can take a shift, and get some rest Darlin'. I want you back home safe and all in one piece, you hear?

Anyway. Just checkin' in. Drop me a text when you're done driving for the night.

[BEEP]

–

[CALLER: SAM COLLINS. MESSAGE LEFT ON SUNDAY JULY 11TH AT 6:33PM]

Hey, Darlin'.

Have to say, hearing Asher's voice coming from your contact was a surprise, although I appreciate him tapping in. Sounds like you're making good time, and I should see you tonight. Even if it's just to have you fall asleep in my arms. You're welcome to, any time. These arms miss you, Darlin'.

[Pause for a yawn, wide and long, his jaw cracking, ending with a heavy sigh.]

…S'early to be calling, I know. You're still driving. Even making good time, you've got a handful of miles left. Was just thinkin' of you. More than that, actually. I was dreamin' of you, darlin'. S'fresh enough that the details haven't faded yet, and I wanted to hear your voice. Even if it was just the sound of your voicemail recording.

…just in case Asher happens to be on this call too, I’ll spare him the details for now. I’d be happy to fill you in later, though.

I have a feeling you might like it.

Drive safe, Darlin’. I’ll see you soon.

[BEEP]

#redacted asmr #ej writes redacted #redacted sam #redacted sam/darlin #this was not what I was planning on writing this weekend but I love this format #there are a few bonus chapters to the sam/darlin fic planned #they need all the softness okay #writing #scheduled

[livingincolorsagain]

🎧

Always looking for new songs to listen too.

I also should be finishing a fic but, I’ll just let that cursor keep taunting me 🙄 as my ideas stay locked away in my head.

Also, do you have any tips of transferring a story from your mind to a doc/paper, because I’ll be damned, I can never get the right words. Like, it’s completely different when I write/type it versus when I’m thinking of it, you know?

Hopefully you have a good evening!

-HB anon 😏 (p.s: what’s your favorite emoji?)

hey <3

okay so first off, the lyrics:

Love is an angel disguised as lust

Here in our bed 'til the morning comes

because the night - 10,000 maniacs (live) (im a covers girlie what can i say)

Now. The cursor taunting us is very real. When it’s like that I always just close the doc and try another time because it gets frustrating real fast and makes me feel bad.

As for tips for transferring a story to paper/doc, I think the best thing to do is to outline. Whichever way you’re more comfortable with, your notes app, a doc, a notebook, just starting writing down everything you have in mind for the fic. I write down ideas and plots and lines and scenes, I put it all down where I can see it and make sense of it.

Once it’s all laid out like that, it easier to get a better idea of what you wanna do with the fic. So after writing down every little thought, I start the actual outline. How detailed it is depends on the fic itself. With something long and complex as Rough Surfaces, the outline is incredibly detailed, so I can keep track of all my plot lines and past and present scenes. But with my one shots, just a vague outline to guild me through is more often than not enough.

Another thing I find to be helpful is to associate at least one song with the idea I have, so every time I listen to that song, I think of the fic. This always helps me work out the plot.

I hope this was helpful and if you need anything else, I’m always more than happy to help. Hope your day/evening is wonderful dear <3

(i think my fav emoji has to be the pink heart 🩷 look at it!! is pretty!!)

Send me a 🎧 and I will put my music on shuffle and give you a song and my favourite lyric from it

#ask game #honeybun anon

[caelumsnuff]

What keeps you here (listening to Redacted, slightly engaging with fandom, writing for it)? I don’t mean that in the annoying ‘omg why are you here if you’re gonna complain’ way. As I think it’s heathy for a fandom to discuss what could be better about their fandom space and what works and doesn’t work for them in the media they’re consuming (and even as someone who enjoys 99% of this place, this fandom’s ‘don’t even say that you don’t like a thing’ is unlike any fandom I’ve ever been in, big or small).

I’m asking ‘cause I’ve been listening to Redacted since 2021 and it became a fixation, but recently I feel it fading a lot (I don’t find the narratives as compelling anymore with Quinn and Avior being the recent ones, HBS was just okay even tho nothing quality wise changed to me, even my enjoyment of the podcast has waned (and I listen to a ton of podcasts of all types so that should have been the one thing that stayed lol, but they are inconsistent then come back and talk about Pokémon Go only for 70% of the episode every episode lol so I think that’s what’s not helping).

So what brought you here and what keeps you here now? What do you think will keep you engaging with his work? What do you think will (or could be) what makes you step away (whether abruptly or gradually)? (Sorry for all the questions. I’m curious. Hope you have a lovely day!)

Thank you for the ask! I know this is long and a little word soupy perhaps, but i hope you can glean some coherent meaning from it.

Under the cut bc long.

I've been here since very very very early in the channel. Like...... 2020 early. I was getting back into listening to rp asmr after having a small interest in it a few years earlier, and i came across redacted, a lil baby VA. Redacted had some unique qualities in the rp asmr scene, and if we're being honest he still does.

My brain kinda decided to hyperfixate on Redacted, i think because he had plot heavy audios and that wasnt super common in this genre of rp. And in the beginning, the plots were actually decently good in terms of writing and whatnot.

At some point along the way, that fixation became something of a special interest eventually. Probably sometime around early 2022 when i decided to join the discord to finally see some fanart and maybe make friends with people in this fandom. That kinda sent me down the rabbit hole of realizing "oh shit yeah these people have wildly different interpretations of these audios", which started to irritate me in regards to a certain magical therapist and i ended up writing a fanfic about it after being afraid to write for literally most of my life. I got very mixed responses, but some people were really kind and expressed gratitude for my writing and that made me actually want to be a part of this fandom, even if i stay in my own little corner. After that point i started to engage with the content far more critically, and decided that i care about his videos too much to not talk about them and critique them.

I can't really tell you why i stay here, not exactly at least. I think plot-wise the videos have declined in quality greatly, which i started paying attention to. I have been known to enjoy bad media. Like a lot. I watched all of Voltron, all of Vampire Diaries, 13/15 seasons of Supernatural, the Twilight movies, and i fucking enjoyed them. Im just a fan of shit media. Its really fun to critique as well! But like..... I don't think Erik is an all around shit writer, i think he's really good at some things. Character building (the base of a character at least), universe building (for the most part), and the line writing is really good actually, i enjoy them. And i think that he's decent when writing darker content and plotlines, look at the Adam plotline, the Ivan plotline, Imperium AU etc. So i guess the answer is i enjoy critically engaging with it and actively critiquing the art, as well as being attached to the characters and the universe. I have kinda yoinked the characters and they are now my little barbie dolls to play with.

Tbh i ignore most of the fandom bc i just..... simply do not care what people i dont know think about me. I think that majority of this fandom has demonstrated not just a lack of critical thinking skills, comprehension of fandom etiquette, and media comprehension skills, but also a lack of basic human decency and kindness. I do not care what people like that think of me. I know who i am, my loved ones know who i am, and im not gonna let children on the internet stop me from making the art i enjoy.

I take breaks from listening to videos every once in a while (like 2 months at the beginning of this year), but i always end up coming back. I guess im curious as to where this all is going, and i really really do want to see this man get better at writing which..... hasnt happened yet but i guess im patient enough to wait lol. I think he hit a new low recently though. I think the Quinn storyline is the first time that the bad writing actually made me like... angry. Like i was MAD, like shaking laughing in my bed mad. It took me an hour to cool down like what the fuck was that man 😭 If i think about it too hard ill get all riled up again.

I.... don't know what would make me step away tbh. Idk what that would take, but i guess it'd have to be worse than the Quinn arc, which is setting a pretty high bar.

So yeah i think i stay here because i love the characters (or the ideas of them), as well as the universe, and i think writing fics for them is really good practice for me. There's also some very sweet people in this fandom who have been nothing but kind and encouraging to me, and i do not want to let these interactions i have with you guys fizzle out just yet. I may not know yall or directly interact with yall a lot, but i really do love you guys in this little corner of the fandom ive carved out.

#ask #anon #I feel honored that i genuinely influenced people in this fandom #if i think too hard about it i WILL tear up #several people have told me they admired me and i.......... on the floor sobbing about it

[ghostwriterdiariesxoxo]

Here me out, ya’ll. I needed a break from, sweet. I’m in a mood, so I wrote some shit...

I sit in my car, dreading this interview. It’s only my second assignment since being hired at HB Magazine. The last one didn’t go well. I stuttered over my words, lost track of questions. It was shit. I flip my rearview mirror down, looking at my skirt suit. Recently purchased, after my sister insisted it would make me feel more confident.

           Who are you kidding, you dumb bitch? There’s not an ounce of professional grace in your body. Try not to fuck this one up, too.

           I cross the hotel lobby to the counter, not even letting the clerk get out her pleasantries before I hold my badge in her face.

           “I’m here for the Bo Burnham interview.”

           “Oh! Wonderful, that’ll be the 3rd floor. Room 307.” Her big, fake smile makes my stomach turn. “Are you excited?” She asks as I turn to leave.

I look over my shoulder, “No. Not a fan. He seems like a prick.

Her smile fades, and that makes me kind of happy. I make my way up to the third floor, taking deep breaths. Still having full anxiety from the colossal failure of the last one. I arrive at room 307 and tap on the door. At least half a minute goes by and nothing. I’m about to knock again, when the door opens. He immediately turns, retreating back into the room and I reach out to catch the door before it slams shut.

Nice to fucking meet you too, I guess.

I take a deep breath, trying to put on my fake, give a shit smile. My patience was up when I cracked my eyes open this morning.

“Thanks for meeting with me today,” I chirp, like a dumb little songbird.

Bo and his towering form, leans back against the hotel vanity, in front of the mirror, propped by the heels of his palms. His eyes are seemingly vacant, yet heavily annoyed as he presents a small table, with two chairs, near the bed.

I tug nervously at the bottom of my skirt as I take a seat. I can’t believe I bought this dumb suit. I look like a librarian and I didn’t take into account my black rimmed glasses.

“Okay,” I sigh, after getting my ipad set up to take notes. “I’ll make this quick.”

“But not quick enough,” he says flatly. I look up at him, as he flips his wrist to check his watch. He pushes his hair back and returns to his lean. Great, this guy is a real fucking treat.

“You having a bad day?” I ask annoyed, but I try to disguise it, as more of a playful banter.

His blue eyes, fall icily on mine.

“I’m having a bad decade. Is this an interview question?”

           “Uh, no. Sorry.” This mother fucker, I swear. “ Okay, first question—After your success with Inside, are you planning on any more projects in the near future?”

           He drops his head,  rubbing his forehead forcefully with his palm.

“Fuckin, christ,” he mumbles under his breath.

           “Is there a problem?” I ask, tightly, not even trying to hide the irritation

           He raises his head, dropping his arm limply to his side.

           “Can anyone of you, come up with a better question? Like, fucking anything? I could leave a prerecorded series of answers based on the endless stream of bullshit questions I’ve been asked, and I swear to you. You’d have your whole interview, ready to fill out.”

           I tap my stylus on the table, trying to decide how to approach this pompous, arrogant fool. I decide to go with unprofessional.

           “You know? You’re really cocky for a comedian.” 

           A wicked smile stretches across his face, and I’d swear he’s kind of hot, if I didn’t want to kick him in the throat.

I continue.

      “How about this question? Why are you such a fucking dick?”

                  “Why are you dressed, for a really bad porn?”He quickly, retorts.

I’ve had enough.

                 “Fuck you.” I grab my iPad and turn to leave.

                “I’m down if you are,” he says after me.

                  I turn back around. He tilts his blonde head, in question. He’s actually being serious. I almost turn to leave, but then I realize, I’m probably going to get fired from this interview. I might as well relieve some stress.

           “Fine,” I say. I toss my iPad on the TV stand, and slip out of my suit jacket.

           He doesn’t skip a beat, as he strides up to me.

           “Lose these,” he says, pulling my glasses off, and tossing them aside. He pulls my hair out of a tightly wound bun.

           “But please, keep your impressive, blank, white t-shirt, on,” I snap.

           He doesn’t even try to listen, as he starts working on the ridiculously, tiny pearl buttons on my white collared shirt. This little prick, is never getting in there.

           “How do you work this shit?” He fusses, as he leans his face to mine.

           “Don’t kiss me.” I nudge his chest.

           He grins, “Who fucking made you like this?”

           “Same question for you, let’s answer on three.”

           His expression darkens, “ You know what, fuck it.” He pulls my arm with considerable force, leading me over to the vanity, in front of the mirror. “Bend,” he orders. 

           I press my palms into the fake grained surface. He towers behind me, yanking my pencil skirt up so hard, my feet rise, and fall to the floor, just as quickly, he snatches down my pink thong, where it settles, around my ankles. Now we’re getting somewhere. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33448912

#boburnham #bo burnham fanfic #bo burnham fanfiction #bo burnam inside #ohbo #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #ao3feed #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #bo burnham special #bo burnham smut #bo burnham x reader #bo burnham x

[flysafepapi]

the sin factor 5/?

Peaky Blinders Scream AU

masterlist

Warnings: Disposing of a body, general murder themes.

Summary: It’s in the eyes, too, the same ambition and clawing desperation to be more, get more, hidden behind a carefully blank stare. He also knows that Duke has something Tommy never had although it’s more likely that it’s the other way around, because Tommy has lines that he won’t cross for reasons that are his own. Duke has no such reservations.

tagging: @zablife​​​ @the-makingsofgreatness​​​ @peakyrogers​​​ @hb-writes​​ (let me know if you want to be added on or taken off)

The thing about making plans is that you always have to account for an unexpected deviation. Someone overhearing them and needing to be taken out of the equation so they don't tell anyone what they heard isn't exactly something either of them anticipated, but it's easy enough to deal with the problem. The amount of blood is somehow surprising, though, and it makes holding the knife firmly enough to keep from slipping and cutting himself difficult.

"It's not that different from breaking down game, if you think about it. All the same parts, just put together differently," Duke says, facing no problems himself but he's done this before and has experience that Isiah doesn't. It takes a bit of force to get the limbs separated from the torso, but Duke swings the axe like he was born to have it in his hands, and soon enough he's separating everything into different piles and binding them together with a thick, hempen string. "Think we should take the fingers, to stop them from being able to figure out who it is?"

"Easier just to cut the fingerprints off."

"Where's the fun in that?"

Somehow, the crack of bone and snap of ligaments that fills the room as Duke starts to work on the fingers sounds worse than anything they've done so far, and he's just got done sawing his way through joints and muscle with the saw that they'll introduce to an acid bath once they're done here.

"I wonder when they'll realise."

"Not any time soon, she was already leaving. I guess she just realised that she was better off cutting contact with everyone and disappearing completely without the kid."

"What are we going to do about him?"

When Duke wipes his hand across his face, trying to get the sweat out of his eyes, it leaves a streak of red across his pale skin. It shouldn't look as appealing as it does, but when has Isiah ever had anything close to a normal thought when it came to him? He watches in mild fascination as Duke removes the fingertips with his knife anyway, just in case.

"Nothing. He's just a kid."

"A kid that will grow up one day."

"That's generally how it works. Pass me the bone saw."

Isiah holds it out, then pulls it back before Duke can grab it, ignoring the annoyed look it gets him. "I'm serious. He's going to figure it out one day, and-"

"No kids. If he wants to make the mistake of coming after us when he's older, then we'll deal with him just like the others, but until then we stay away."

"Look at you, with your soft heart."

"Careful. It won't be hard for you to join dear Lizzie here."

~~~

It takes about two days for someone to find Arthur's body, and he knows when the news gets around, because his father calls for him again. Unlike last time, he's not worried that there's something he forgot to do that led to someone figuring out what they'd done. There is nothing, and whatever his father thinks he knows will never be proven. Isiah doesn't offer to come with him, and he doesn't suggest it. This is something he has to do on his own.

"I don't know what you're doing, or how you're doing it, but whatever game you're playing, it ends now."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do."

It's fascinating to watch his father run his hand along his face, like he's already been defeated by whatever news he's been hiding from them for weeks. For a second, it almost makes him feel bad for what the news of the deaths might be doing to him, then he remembers the entire reason he's here with the family he never knew he even had until now. The only thing worse than a psychopath is a psychopath with a reason to want you and everyone you've ever loved to end up six feet under the ground.

"Is there a point to this?"

"If this is some sort of revenge-"

"I wouldn't know if it was or not. Have you made these accusations to everyone else?"

Duke wonders if this is close to what people see when they look at him, the unblinking stare that seems to look through a person rather than at them, if that's why they seem so uncomfortable whenever he actually makes eye contact instead of looking at some imaginary point just over their left shoulder. Whatever the intended effect is, it doesn't work and he looks back, unbothered in the slightest.

"You were the one that brought me here, do you think I'd do something like this? Why would I?"

Even in the short time he's known his father, he knows that he rarely tells the full truth, hiding instead behind half-truths and lies designed to divert people's attention away from where he doesn't want it. It's what makes the stark truth in his next words hit like a suckerpunch to the gut, borderline manic in tone.

"I think you're a punishment sent for everything I've ever done wrong in my life."

"You asked me to come here. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Not like this."

Duke looks at him, his face betraying nothing. He’s careful to say anything that could be taken as admission of the numerous crimes they’ve already committed. "You don't get to ask for someone to be your dark side and then change your mind when you get exactly what you wanted. Surprise, Dad. I'm the monster you were always afraid that you were on the inside.”

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders scream au #so i mightve killed one person off-screen but the rest is pretty clear #i wasn't sure what to do for this one but i knew i wanted to have the two main conversations i wrote #because they're pretty important/significant #i thought for ages how to write lizzie and in the end just decided to make the actual murder not shown but the disposal included #no its the not the same as breaking down game duke but go off i guess #not a lot of cute stuff this time ill do double for the next one #not a lot to say about this part #duke shelby #isiah jesus #lizzie shelby #tommy shelby #charlie shelby (mentioned) #tw: murder #tw: dismemberment #peaky blinders fics

[defdaily]

JAY B Interview [HYPEBEAST]

From GOT7 to H1GHR MUSIC’s JAY B

On the 11th of May, it was announced that GOT7’s leader JAY B had joined H1GHR MUSIC. Ever since his time in JYPE, Jay B has been taking on the responsibility of writing lyrics and composing songs for albums, even participating as a producer. On Soundcloud, he has released 5 mixtapes under the name Def., showing his ambition as a solo musician in various instances. That’s why the fact that he did not join a KPOP entertainment company but instead joined H1GHR MUSIC is not a particularly surprising thing. However, it’s no lie that this will bring a huge change to his career as an artist. <HYPEBEAST> met with JAY B and had a talk about the reason he decided to move (to H1GHR MUSIC), his new single ‘Switch It Up’, his future activities as well as his ambition.

HYPEBEAST: You’re known for being on “team mint chocolate”. You even left comments about it on <HYPEBEAST>’s instagram page.

JAY B: I like the way the flavour is pungent yet wrapped up in chocolate. I don’t really like plain chocolate. I like it when something is added to it, such as chocolate milk or white chocolate, but when I had mint chocolate for the first time, it was really revolutionary. After that, I’ve been enjoying eating it.

HB: It’s still something that sparks a lot of debate. There are also a lot of products released aimed to spark controversy.

JAY B: There’s something I always say. If I am eating it well and I like it, I just hope that you won’t say things like “why would you eat that?” to me. If you’re enjoying your food and then someone next to you says that sort of thing, you’d lose your appetite, right? Just don’t say that kind of thing to someone who’s eating. Let’s love one another!

HB: Your group, GOT7, left JYP Entertainment after 7 years. How did you feel promoting without a company for the past few months?

JAY B: I feel the same now. It’s more fun. Personally, one of the reasons why I decided to leave JYP was because I wanted to take on more challenges. Maybe it’s because of that but the time I spent as a kind of freelancer felt really new. Even though I won’t be able to know everything about what kind of system I’ll be working in, I got to learn about it roughly and gained a more serious attitude regarding work. I also felt a sense of pride and that it was precious.

HB: Out of the ‘challenges’ you mentioned, your photo exhibition was one of them, right? We heard that you like taking pictures.

JAY B: Even this morning, I saw a pigeon spread only one side of its wings. I’ve never seen that before, so I wanted to take a picture of it, but in a short moment it sensed that I was there and flew away. I’m the kind of person who takes a lot of pictures of those little moments. In that way, I got to hold a photo exhibition too. Honestly, I was embarrassed to do the exhibition. I was just going to try to do it personally as a small thing with the pictures I took myself, but JYPE said “let’s do it even better”, and as we exchanged ideas, the scale got a bit larger.

HB: Is there a particular theme that you like when taking pictures?

JAY B: I’m the kind of person who comes up with (themes) as I take the pictures. As I am taking pictures of something, thoughts like “ah, it would be fun to hold exhibitions with this kind of pictures” come to mind. For my first exhibition, I took pictures revolving around the theme of ‘loneliness’, ‘living alone’, and ‘even if you are living alone, you need someone by your side’. It was mainly involving people/figures, but I actually prefer taking pictures of landscapes or larger compositions.

HB: In the past, you’ve said “I think my next album will be a product that includes the loneliness felt in life”. Is it related to your first photo exhibition <ALONE>?

JAY B: There’s no relation between the two. I wanted to work out all the feelings I had after being under a lot of pressure as I lived my life. Putting aside whether the album is good or not, I think it will be an album where I honestly share what I felt when I felt pressured. I don’t know whether or not it will be released, and if it does, I don’t know in what form it will be released in, but for now I’ve just made the album with this theme. It might sound boring, but it contains a lot of my honest thoughts.

HB: We don’t know when or how, but it will probably be released through H1GHR MUSIC now right? After your contract ended with JYP, you probably received offers from various places, why did you choose H1GHR MUSIC?

JAY B: I’m well aware of the fact that I was protected by the fence called JYP. But as I mentioned previously, I left JYP because I wanted to try and experience something on my own. I also had doubts regarding whether I was an artist who could bring in as much profit as the company wanted. I think that changing my image in order to earn a profit is something that I’ve done a lot in the past. After leaving the company, I received offers from multiple places, and some were really good companies too. However, the most important thing was that it had to be a company that I could exchange opinions and create with. I think H1GHR MUSIC matched up with that the best.

HB: As the field of your promotions change, it will probably come with some concerns as well.

JAY B: I’m the kind of person who worries a lot and is cautious. My own concerns aside, I was really worried about whether H1GHR MUSIC’s image would be damaged because I joined. I thought people might say that an idol joining would muddy the waters* (*ruin the label’s image). No matter if there’s a good or bad reaction, H1GHR MUSIC has already accomplished things, and I would be a new addition. On top of that, I’m not someone who is just starting to make music. I’m making a new image based on the one I already had. Even so, just this once, I wanted to make a decision that was for myself. That’s why I was even more cautious with each and every step.

HB: Is the title of your new single ’Switch It Up’ referring to the changes you are going through?

JAY B: When I came up with the title, I did think that it was possible to give it that sort of meaning. I wanted to express a basic love story while also including the meaning of switching up my life. However, Jay Park hyung gave me some advice, saying that rather than doing that, it might be better for me to naturally blend in what I’ve already been doing. Following that advice, even though the title itself carries the meaning of change, the lyrics are just about love.

HB: How was your first production at H1GHR MUSIC?

JAY B: I had a lot of concerns and was worried. After I made the decision to join H1GHR MUSIC, I told Jay hyung that I wanted to release a song or an album quickly. It just so happened Cha Cha Malone was back in Korea, so we aligned our schedules and produced songs together. Everything happened naturally. Jay hyung said that I shouldn’t go all out from the beginning, and that it’s more important to keep going steadily. I agree with that. I’m satisfied with the result too. I worry a lot so I’m the type to ask around for opinions, but everyone said it was good. But honestly, I’m not sure how the public will react to it. (laughs)

HB: Sokodomo’s feature was really impressive, how did he end up participating in the song?

JAY B: The funny thing is, it really came about naturally too. When I went to the studio, sokodomo was there and he asked if he could stay while we were working on our songs, so we said it was okay. As we worked on songs like that, after I finished up my recording, sokodomo suddenly went into the recording studio. I was wondering “what’s going on?”, but what sokodomo showed us was really good. Turns out, while I was recording, he came up with some ideas and asked if it was okay if he tried it out which I didn’t hear. But what sokodomo came up with was a style that I couldn’t express well. And so right there and then, I cautiously asked if he would be willing to feature in the song, and he agreed without hesitation. That part was so good that I even thought “I can’t be eaten by (overshadowed) sokodomo”. Haha.

HB: In the past, you were a B-boy, and even in GOT7 you received a lot of attention for your dancing. So we were wondering if we would get to see you dance to ’Switch It Up’.

JAY B: You’ll be able to see it through the live clip that will be released at the same time as the single. There are various elements in the live clip. First of all, I tried really hard to make it look cool. I sang live with sokodomo too. I think there’s a lot to see. The dance comes on at the very end. I thought that since I’m a performer, I should dance too. Honestly, at first when I listened to ‘Switch It Up’, I thought it would be kind of hard to dance to it. But even so, I have to dance. Other artists are cool too, but I think Chris Brown is really cool. He dances and sings at the same time really well. Because dance was my beginning, and I gained interest in singing later on and ended up working hard at it, I can’t let go of dance.

HB: Do you have any plans or ideas for the next album you’ll release through H1GHR MUSIC?

JAY B: I think that I have to move quickly. I’ll have to wait and see what I’ll end up with, but for now, I think it’s closer to a chill vibe. ‘Switch It Up’ was chill, but it still had a kind of energy to it. Rather than that, I think it will probably be the kind of music that is suitable to listen to while going for a drive. I want to show music that’s groovier and more sensual as much as possible. But I still don’t know. It’s possible that the company might say “let’s go for pop.” I want to create things together with the company, so I’m open to accommodating their opinions for a couple songs.

HB: You’re also promoting with the name Def. and not Jay B. Why did you come up with the name Def.?

JAY B: Actually, even in the early days of GOT7, I didn’t feel any attachment to the name JB. I felt really strongly that it was a name that someone else came up with. I’m more comfortable with people calling me by my birth name, Jaebeom, too. Of course, I like it now. I wanted to separate Jay B and Def., that’s why they are separated. When I was in JYP, I got permission to release my music on Soundcloud, but I couldn’t release albums separately. So I released all the music that I couldn’t release as JB through Def. For now, I decided I would make music that people could approach more comfortably under the name Jay B, and I would release things that are more to what I want to do through Def. I’m not sure how it will end up in the future though.

HB: Listening to the music under these two names, there is quite a difference. The music you release under the name Def. has more characteristics of the neo soul genre.

JAY B: When I made <1/? Vol. 1>, I liked trap soul, so it contains a lot of that kind of music. After that as well, it mostly is filled with songs that were the style that I liked at the time. If you listen to my mixtape, excluding the intro and outro, there are about 5 songs. While I prepared those songs, I also worked on 15 songs that would be for GOT7 albums at the same time, making about 20 songs at a time. I’d work on GOT7 songs from morning till late night and if I had time, I would then work on my mixtape. That’s why they are songs that I really cherish. People might wonder why I would work so hard, but I thought that as an idol, I have to do my job well so that I can gain autonomy within the company. That’s why I worked hard and pushed myself to my limits.

HB: When will we be able to hear your music as Def.?

JAY B: Firstly, I want to get my name as Jay B out there, and later on I want to use the name Def. again when I can do what I want. Things that are more unusual, alternative, and experimental.

HB: Hearing you talk, we can really feel the love you have for music. You also seem like a realistic person.

JAY B: It’s because I feel that if I stubbornly insist on doing what I want to do and it doesn’t turn out well, I’d get a rough reality check. I’m a cautious person, so if I persist only on what I want and then fail, I’d end up thinking that I just have no aptitude for music, and I thought that is more dangerous. If that happens, I’d feel sorry for the music that I like and I might even think that there was something wrong with the music or genres that I like. People might say that that’s “not real”, but it’s “real” to me. It’s just my way of living.

HB: You’re currently also in the crew ‘ØFFSHORE.’ What kind of crew is it?

JAY B: It’s a place where people who sell songs commercially and people who make their own music gather. It started with the purpose of people with the same interests making fun music together and releasing it. Offshore has the meaning of “shore/coast”. On the shore, there are lots of living things. There are times when the waves crash but also times when it’s calm. Just like my Def. character, I think it’s a place where I can freely include things I’ve never done before. It will carry on in the future too, but we won’t have any eye-catching activities. We’ll just go on calmly.

HB: As you share your stories, we’re getting curious about Jay B as a producer too. Will we be able to hear songs that you produce for other artists someday?

JAY B: When I was in JYP, I’ve sent out songs that the publisher said would not work for GOT7. There were also songs that were selected by other people but could not be used because of my name. Now, I don’t think there will be those sorts of limitations, so I want to try producing for other people too. I don’t have confidence in being responsible for someone or nurturing trainees, though. I’m still busy trying to feed myself. But even so, I’d like to try to produce just one song for someone else. I would have a sort of image about someone, right? An image that they themselves wouldn’t even know. I think the process of trying to bring that out would be fun. Of course, I’m focused on my music now, but it would be nice if I got the chance someday.

HB: Another GOT7 member, Yugyeom, joined AOMG. Fans can’t help but look forward to the reunion of your unit ‘Jus2’.

JAY B: Since Yugyeom is in AOMG, I think that if we talk to Jay hyung, it’s possible that we will release something as Jus2. Jus2 and JJ Project both include Jay B, but they are also units that are part of GOT7. I think that if we work hard at promoting them too, fans would feel a sense of security. I think that from now on is the time when both I, as well as GOT7, have to really do well.

HB: You mentioned that you wanted to release 1 GOT7 album a year.

JAY B: I don’t know whether it will work out, but we have to try and plan for it. I’ve mentioned multiple times that GOT7 has not disbanded. I believe that I should keep my word. Right now, everyone is actually busy working on their own things. Even so, we want to try and make one song for GOT7 a month, so that we can promote about once a year.

HB: You have a strong image as a great leader and hyung in GOT7. What would you like to show as JAY B in H1GHR MUSIC?

JAY B: I would like to hear people say “ah, I guess they did a good job bringing him in”. I hope that when people listen to ’Switch It Up’, they won’t think that “Jay Park made the wrong choice this time”. I think it would be nice if people thought that I was worth anticipating. Not that they brought in some strange kid. I don’t want to get cursed at. Haha.

HB: Do you have a final goal you want to achieve as an artist?

JAY B: I don’t. I just want to keep on steadily and quietly making music. To me, saying that you want to receive some sort of reward or that you want to become something is quite vague. I just hope that I can gain the drive to keep going on steadily and continue that cycle of creation. That’s all.

Translation by @mindellay x @defdaily

May contain slight inaccuracies.

#jayb #got7 #h1ghrmusic #lim jaebeom

[luki-fanfic]

Helluva Boss 5: The Harvest Moon Festival

Huh, Helluva Boss usually drops by mid month. Wonder why this episode is taking so long to put toget-

*Episode airs*

0_0

Oh. That’s why.

I’ll admit it, my interest in HB was waning. Episode 3 and 4 honestly didn’t do much to keep me interested. Spring Broken had a lot of plot and writing issues, and I felt the concept could have been better executed. C.H.E.R.U.B was more solid, but did have some issues, and just wasn’t that fun to watch.

Harvest Moon on the other hand? Oh boy, now there’s an episode. I am, if you’ll pardon the pun, back on this horse. World building, the action scenes, incredible animation, relationship development of the bad kind, more worlds, interesting characters! It gives us so much to work with.

Spoilers abound, so read carefully.

That said, I will start this with my biggest complaint – and it’s one I’ve had for several episodes, but this one really rammed it home due to the ‘sneak peak’ clip we had of the opening. In the black and white boards, the swearing was limited, and honestly the writing was pretty witty. Then we got the finished product – certain lines were missing, and several words had been replaced with random swearing. Considering what the scene was, it felt like the finished product was a step down – I really wish the scriptwriters would realise random swearing isn’t always funny, and they’ve given proof that their writing is snappy as is.

Anyway...onto the actual episode. We learn that I.M.P seems to be building up their business as Blitzø has 15 clients looking for a kill. Considering he had to do a sale to get a multiple kill, and the other episodes show him basically going out straight after getting the job, they’re clearly building up a name for themselves.

This is further shown with the arrival of Striker, who compliments his decision to go into business for himself, since most Imps don’t. This is new information, since we’ve seen Wally attempt to start his own business – although clearly it wasn’t going well – but if Striker is to be believed, most companies in Hell, even Imp City, don’t have Imps as the owners. Maybe it’s a financial capital thing, maybe it’s partially Hell’s racism, or maybe Imps just generally prefer to follow, which Striker seems to allude later. It’s hard to say with the information we’ve got at this point, but it does put I.M.P in a slightly different light – and probably explains why Blitzø is fairly incompetent when it comes to running the whole thing. He has literally no one to ask or use as an example, and the society he lives in generally assumes he’s going to fail by the nature of him being an Imp.

In fact, even though Blitzø owns I.M.P, he is still completely dependent on Stolas and his Grimoire. Without it, I.M.P is screwed – the reason they’re even at the Harvest Festival is because they can’t work. And that’s what Striker tells him in the final act. Their society has made sure that he can never truly be successful on his own merit, no matter how hard he tries.

I’ve seen some debate on whether what Striker told Blitzø was true or just an attempt to let his guard down. It’s hard to say, because Striker says and does some very conflicting things, but I’m going to believe it was genuine. Why?

He lets Millie and Moxxie live to have leverage over him. He does insult Blitzø to their faces, but why would he need leverage once his job was done?

When Moxxie learns the truth, he doesn’t even try to talk him round, just kill him. Millie is also tossed to the side – possibly because neither of them are ‘superior.' Blitzø gets a full on speech about their superiority and how much he respects him, even if he’s hiding a knife in his tail for if he can’t talk him round.

When he has Blitzø on the ground at his mercy, he doesn’t mock him. Instead, he tells him he genuinely thought they’d be a good team. He had the advantage, but doesn’t take the chance to continue the insult.

Like most Imps, Striker seems to dislike the demon royalty, but at the end of the day, is also working for one (and can I say that twist was brilliantly well done? It made SO much sense but I honestly didn’t see it coming). What is his end goal? Is he envious that Blitzø has some kind of power of Stolas while he has to be obedient? Is he aiming to kill Stella once Stolas is down? Maybe opening an assassination business to take out anything Overlord and above? We just don’t know.

And with that, we’ll step off this train of thought to speak about something else very important in this episode. Stolas. Specifically his relationship with Blitzø, and precisely how wrong it is.

I admit it, I future-shipped them, especially thanks to the Instagram (which become a bit of a bait and switch when the insta-accounts were declared ‘non-canon’). I acknowledged that the relationship was problematic and needed some serious work on both sides before it could really be a functioning relationship, but this episode hammered home exactly how much needs to happen in a way the other episodes didn’t. The pilot and Murder Family treated Stolas as a gag, and then Loo Loo Land made us all care about him and his actions. But Harvest Moon showed the other side of it, and I'm not sure the ship can realistically recover.

Stolas considers Imps as inferior, to a ridiculous degree, and Blitzø is no exception. He has absolutely no respect for Blitzø, and holds all the power in the relationship. We saw this a little in the previous episodes, but they were either alone, or Blitzø was working for him, and surrounded by people aware of the relationship. His actions could be somewhat explained away.

In Harvest Moon, Stolas proves he treats Blitzø this way even in public. Blitzø has very obvious issues regarding his name, so Stolas persistently using a nickname and treating him the way he does around people who aren’t aware, says a lot about how much Stolas doesn’t care about Blitzø’s opinions. Even if Blitzø does have some feelings for him – which I do suspect due to his panicked attempt to explain it as transactional. If he didn’t care, he would probably find it easier to explain. At the same time though, he’d be happier if he could get the book without the monthly visits, because what he has with Stolas isn’t a relationship, no matter what Stolas tries to pretend. Any feelings Blitzø develops puts him even further under his control.

Part of me wonders if the relationship evolved between the pilot and the first episode in planning, and that’s why we have such a disconnect between the Insta relationship and the canon one. I’m really hoping the series addresses it in the future.

Finally, lets talk about that final reveal. Stella has hired a hitman to kill Stolas – even armed him with two angel-tech guns.

(Which, also finally gives us confirmation that Imps/Hellhounds/Succubi can die from conventional weapons, but the higher ranked native demons need angel weaponry to off them).

Stella is also confident enough to scream it over the dinner table. Stolas either doesn’t care, or isn’t paying attention – if he doesn’t care, if definitely puts his motives regarding the original invite up in the air, but if he isn’t paying attention? Then it’s another point in the anti-Stolas tab.

That said, this scenario does ask a question. Why don’t these two divorce? Stolas is clearly not in love any more, and living together clearly isn’t doing Octavia’s mental health any favours if she’s literally hiding behind her music rather than interact with her parents. He should be the first to offer a divorce, but he hasn’t brought it up. And if he hasn’t, maybe the reason Stella hasn’t is because they can’t?

It’s generally assumed that the two of them have an arranged marriage, and that Stella’s anger at his relationship with Blitzø is due to his status more than the cheating. But then wouldn’t it make more sense to hire a hitman to kill Blitzø rather than Stolas? Choosing to kill Stolas, even if it would hurt Octavia, suggests it’s the only option left to her.

I’m guessing we’ll (finally) get some Stella development next time Striker appears, and get an idea of what makes her tick. But for now, I suspect the two of them regularly had lovers on the side, but kept it discreet until this point. Stolas refusing to keep his relationship with Blitzø quiet is causing untold damage to their name and status. Stella wants rid of a man who not only doesn’t love her (if he ever did), but is constantly humiliating her for not hiding his much lower class lover (which we know by this episode he doesn’t even attempt), and since the rules of Hell for demons of their status doesn’t allow divorce (or perhaps their arrangement doesn’t), assassination it is.

Hell, maybe the plan was to kill Stolas, and frame Blitzø for it. Striker clearly knew about their relationship before they met (which should have been a red flag now that I thing about it), so Stella probably mentioned him. It would also put the recruiting on another level, if Striker actually did get Blitzø involved at the final moment and teamed up.

Oh, and as a final amendment? If that angel-gun that Striker left behind is not now in the hands of I.M.P and becomes a key piece when Asmodeus, Mammon and the real Fizzarolli show up? I will be very disappointed.

#spoilers #Helluva Boss #not fanfiction #helluva boss spoilers #Also adored the 'freelance' jokes Millie had to field #But can we maybe tone down the Moxxie torture? #It's only funny if he gets a win every now and then #Also #First episode starring Stolas where Blitz doesn't break a phone

[mollydollyjournals]

Yesterday as I was going to sleep hb came to say goodnight, as had been discussed in our talk the other day as part of like maybe interacting a little, and he told me one of our friends is suic*dal. This friend had messaged him after they hung out last week to say it really helped, and a bit about how bad they were feeling, and a request to hang out a bit again this coming week and maybe ongoing. Hb agreed because he wanted to help. I was too tired to even say that I only ask for about that much from him as well and dont get it. I just went to sleep feeling like shit.

This morning he came up to say he needs some help with some things today and that he spoke more to the friend and then proceeded to tell me all about his stuff and the friend's state. Then there was a quick 'anyway how are you,' and I said I feel shit, and he said something noncommittal. I managed to say 'I need help too,' which is really a lot for me, and he went off saying he cant deal with it and feels guilty for talking to anyone else because he knows I want company and that it ends up being that he just doesnt talk to anyone at all.

So, fine. If it's really so bad to talk to me that he'd rather not talk to anyone at all. Regardless of what it's like from his side, that's how it feels to me. It's just another confirmation that even if I actually manage to reach out and ask for support, I won't get it.

I want to help out the friend as well. But I dont think I can without making it about me. I feel resentful too, that they've got some support when they asked for it. I want to at least send a message of support but I feel so bleak I wouldnt know how to not be negative. And if I try for just solidarity, like hey I get how you feel, then I'm sure I'll end up just saying how bad I am. I cant offer to hang out because everyone knows I want support and itd be like I'm using their situation to get that for myself, or like I'm happy that someone is as depressed as me.

My mum keeps messaging me asking to call me. I cant. At all. I've thought about calling a sui hotline today. I think ive only considered it once before. It's not like I havent wanted to die before, I just dont know what the point would be of calling a random number. Maybe I'm worse than I've ever been then. I dont even like phone calls. They make me nervous. I thought maybe a text service if I could find one. But I dont really know what to say. Whatever I do I'll just be trying to pass the time.

I've been drinking for 4 days straight. I dont even remember the last time I did that. Years. I had a rule not to drink 2 days in a row - I broke it temporarily in early July on the wedding weekend. I didnt drink lots every day, just bits, but it was still something. I let myself off because it was a particular thing, on the condition I dont do it again. Now I've been drinking more than a bottle a day for 4 days. It's a miracle I'm not more hungover. It's a miracle I'm not fucking dead, after the kind of condition my liver and pancreas have been in before.

It's not like I just decided to. But I feel really especially bad. I dont know how to cope. I keep waking up thinking I cant drink today, I already did yesterday. And then I cant deal with being conscious and sober and I just start. And then I think maybe I'll be okay if I stop after a small amount. But I'm in such a shit mental state I stop caring after that small amount and just get more. I'm not getting blackout drunk, but I'm definitely past tipsy.

I want to try to stay sober today but I dont really have any motivation to do so. I dont have any motivation to do anything. I've even been sex repulsed recently which is something i havent had in a while. It happens sometimes, but not this much in a long time. I hate my body more than ever. I have my nail art stuff out in front of me and yet again I dont feel like doing it. My hands are a little shaky which is probably from drinking, or the fact that I havent had any today. Itd go away if I had a bit. But if I have a bit I likely will keep going again. But I dont know if I care.

What's the point. When nobody cares. Why bother to stay alive or well or anything. If I drink myself to death I can at least have some escapism before it happens. I'm very tempted to just die today by some other means, but that requires effort too. Planning to make sure it doesnt just result in serious injury, which it probably would given my lack of concentration abilities right now. The realisation that if I try and fail and wake up in a hospital bed, I'll have to deal with my mum being the only one to care but in her smothering way, that the rest of my family will know I'm fucked up and make it worse, and I'll still have to just be there by myself knowing that i cant get what i need in order to get better. Even if I did the opposite, even if I made myself suffer by staying sober for a week and doing nothing but cleaning and working out and fixing everything, I'll just be me, sober and healthy and alone. If I manage to talk to anyone now that I'm Sober and Healthy I'll just have the knowledge that they wont be there if I'm in need again. Everything will be shallow. I guess part of me must still hope I'm wrong, because I'm still here. But I keep being proved right.

[mcrmadness]

Madness draws: Behind the Scenes of the latest Farin&Bela pencil drawing.

Aka the one that’s also my icon, even when that was a big risk to take because normally I start hating the photos I have once drawn, especially if I have failed miserably. This is how the drawing itself turned out:

ATTENTION: The original post about that drawing, with better image, behind this link.

This post is solely about the process itself with lots of pictures and also plenty of gifs, because I promised to do one if people would like to see that and I got some comments saying that they’re looking forward for that. So, here’s now that post!

For starters I have to apologize for the terrible quality that is the photos. I used my phone camera only and never thought about posting them, I just took them as a reference for myself and to show the progress to a friend and only after finishing the drawing I noticed that the angle of the camera causes a huge impact on the perspective of the drawing, so I sometimes might have done useless work when I thought some perspective was wrong when it was actually the photo that was wrong and not my work! I mean, take a look at these photos of the finished piece:

You see that? I realized this when I took maybe the second photo of the Farin sheet and looked at it and couldn’t believe my eyes because I didn’t remember drawing his torsto THAT small! And then I looked at the drawing and was like “wtf???” because it looked nothing like in the photo and then it hit me...

Also, another thing that I learn was that I might need to pay more attention to the perspective of the whole thing also because when I draw, I sit at the table so I am constantly seeing the drawing from my perspective instead of looking at it from above so that’s probably also going to affect the way I draw. I try to keep that in mind in the future so I can avoid redrawing things again and again just because my perspective is different than the reference photo’s.

Also the giant forehead of Farin’s in the photo on the right might have caused me to laugh a bit too much but anyway, let’s continue~ Or more like: let’s start for real this time.

Here’s the reference photo to y’all:

What I did in photoshop was to draw a line between them to see how I can divide the photo on two A4 papers. I had been thinking about this photo for some time already because it’s one of my favorites (but now I just feel cringy looking at it after I have drawn it... goddamnit!), and I got this idea that I could try drawing it on two papers in case I fuck up so I can start over or try again without having to do twice the work! Which was actually a good decision because this was the first version of Farin:

And it was awful. I also realized I had never drawn Farin’s face from he front. I have drawn him before from the side a few times but maybe once it came out actually good so that was why I decided to do the 2 paper method - because I knew it was not going to be an easy job! Bela is relatively easy to draw so I knew already that I would not have too many problems with that one.

I struggled with Farin’s eyes the most, at first.

It took me a while to figure out how to do that white line in his lower lid. Keep in mind that this was my first face portrait in over 10 years so I was very, very rusty and I just didn’t remember how to draw like anything anymore. (The photo is tilted because Bela’s face is a bit tilted and my hand can’t draw anything that is not straight [lol] so I have to rotate the photo in order to even draw the sketch of Bela’s eyes.)

So I took my sketchbook and tried to do some eyes...

I was still struggling so much here until I remembered about blending. And I didn’t have my hopes high but grabbed the eyeshadow applicators (my fave tool for blending) anyway, and switched to my other sketchbook in case the paper was the issue and:

Blending. It was all about blending! So with that in mind, I realized I can continue and I don’t need to do these in my old way, everything doesn’t have to have a lineart done but some of the job is done not with the pencils but with the eraser.

Anyhow, the previous Farin looked really bad and was too big as well so I just discarded that and started a new sheet because the old lines were not coming off properly anymore. I don’t remember if this is the old face or new but I think this might still be the old one:

Yes it definitely is the old because look at those lines! This is the new sheet:

And in the photo you can see one of my pencils - I use Derwent Graphic pencils, it’s a 12 pencil set with very soft pencils, starting with H, F and HB and ending to 9B. With this one I used F, HB, B, 2B, 5B, 7B and 9B. The white pencil is actually my new love aka the eraser pencil Koh-I-Noor Hardmuth. It’s amazing, I recommend! I just didn’t order 10 new ones this other day. I actually used about 1,5 full eraser pencils on this drawing alone so that’s why 10.

Here’s a “little” gif of the process on Farin:

I felt crazy when I went for the shirt, and I felt like I was going crazy MEANWHILE drawing it but in the end I did it and I’m super proud of it!

Below is the reference photo, it was pain in the ass to follow all those lines with my eyes and try to find what was I drawing and where was I but I think I did good. That was a fun challenge.

Okay so, when I was done with the new lineart, I decided to go for the shading and blending because that’s what really makes the drawings to pop. I started with the left (his right, my left) side of Farin’s face because I’m right-handed, and in the first photo I had done just the left (right) eye and mouth and nose, but in the second there’s also the other eye done already:

Keep in mind this was not the last time I drew the eyes. Not even close.

Something was off with the right (left) eye so I had to do that one again and I noticed that when you blend but haven’t erased and cleaned it yet, it looks like a black eye :DDD So here’s the before and after images of that cleaning. (Cleaning = I draw, blend, erase, draw and blend more when needed and then erase again, and repeat this as many times as I need until it starts to look ready to my eye.)

So here Farin was “finished” but if you still remember the final piece or compare it to it, you might notice it looks quite different. And you’re right. But more about that later, because at this point I started to work on Bela.

It actually started really well - I also had to do the whole lineart again because it did not match the size of “finished” Farin. I don’t remember if this is the first or second eye but when I had drawn his eye for the first time, I noticed it was not in line with Farin so I had to redraw it. A gif of the progress:

What’s that brown paper I’m using, you may ask? Well I noticed that people have some sort of paper on top of their art to keep it from smudging and I have no clue what that is so here’s my poor artist recommendation: baking paper! I tested it and it works (if you just remember to keep it under your hand, that is...) so that is, in fact, baking paper! :DD

I have drawn Bela’s face a few times before and he’s just so much easier to draw. In fact I used 4-5 days on Farin but I managed to start and finish (this version of) Bela just in one day. And that means that out of 12 hours (because I literally used the whole day for drawing) I used maybe like... 5h or something on Bela. That’s how much easier he really is to draw.

I don’t know wtf is wrong with Farin’s face but he’s extremely difficult to draw and I’m not the only one who has been saying this. I guess he just looks so regular but still unique enough to be difficult to draw. Bela then again has features that are very unique and very... caricature-like? I mean that just by drawing his nose or chin you can make a comic book Bela look exactly like himself, and with more realistic style his eyes already do a lot, but Farin’s really the opposite. My comic book version of Farin is literally the most basic version I can draw, it’s how I draw those characters and the only thing that makes him look himself is the hair, and his nose in a side profile. So I think that’s why it’s so difficult to draw him because he doesn’t look too regular but still regular enough to make is a very challenging task to do properly.

So yeah, the same day as I started working on Bela, I was also “finished” with the drawing:

Also look at how different it looks like from this perspective:

With the reference photo open in photoshop and I don’t understand how Bela looks more like himself in my drawing than in the photo. Also when I showed the WIP to my brother, he said that I somehow had succeeded at making Farin look more like Farin than what he does in the photo even. It’s weird.

But we were still far from finished. I was going to use the fixative on this soon but it just kept snowing the whole week so I couldn’t so every time I walked past the drawings, I stopped to fix this and that. For days I kept telling myself “I’m done, I can’t do more than this, I can’t do better than this.” and considered the drawing finished but still kept fixing things. Every time I was “done” with the other drawing, I saw something to fix in the other one and once that was done, I felt like the first one wasn’t as good and had to fix something from it too. And that led to a cycle where the other drawing was always better than the other and the worse one needed to be fixed. In the end I was hating the whole process and myself and my skills and I was already ready to abandon this whole thing and call it a day and never ever show it to anyone “because I cannot draw”. The photo above, here’s a list of things I redrew after that:

Bela’s eyes, the right (left) one at least twice.

Bela’s nose.

Bela’s mouth a couple of times.

Farin’s eyes x588045028520

And a list of things I kept fixing and fixing:

Bela’s chin.

Bela’s neck shadows.

Bela’s hairline.

Farin’s whole face was tilted so I tried to fix that.

Farin’s face was too wide, which meant also partially redrawing the ear.

Farin’s hair was too long and wide too.

Farin’s nose.

Farin’s mouth might be the only thing I drew only once and I’m actually still extremely proud of how it came to be. I did the lips solely with blending so that was super exciting to notice how I can use it for drawing and don’t need the pencils for everything!

During Bela’s eyes and nose and mouth especially I was hating myself so much and I felt like I was taking the risk of ruining the whole thing and a few times I was certain that was what I had just done too, until I somehow was able to save it again. But because of that, I wasn’t able to make Bela’s mouth any lighter anymore, the color wasn’t just coming off the paper so had to use what was there and make it look like it’s how it’s supposed to be, too.

Here’s a gif about those changes on Bela - the first one has the old eyes and nose, the others have minor changed on the nose and mouth:

(The blacks probably don’t get any blacker in reality, I did add more color to it all the time but mainly it’s just the lighting and my phone camera changing the brightness.)

I did the final details on his nose without even using the reference photo anymore. The photo didn’t seem to make any sense anymore at all so I was just using my mechanical pencil and the blending tool and eraser to make is look better. To my eye it looked more like a very flat nose with a big tip of the nose and he doesn’t have a flat nose and I tried to get rid of that illusion. I still feel like it makes him look bit weird but I’m not entirely sure how. Maybe it was because of my improvisation, idk...

So, Bela was then finally finished for the last time. In the Farin piece his left (right) eye had been bugging me the whole time and I didn’t want to touch it but still I felt like I have to do something about it because it was bugging me way too much. I then figured I could draw the eye line by line and take a photo of it each time to see if it looks right already or not, maybe I could then avoid doing all the phases before I was sure what to think about it. I mean, now the only way to see if it was correct was to draw e.g. an eye from start to finish, I couldn’t see from just the lineart or unblended eye if it was in the right spot etc. And here’s that progress on a gif:

The gif about only the eye would look so nice if Tumblr didn’t make the gifs so HUGE - this one is actually only 300px or 400px or something:

Apparently I also wasn’t happy with the other eye because:

But good thing is: I really enjoy drawing eyes. I love seeing them to “come alive”, my favorite part was to eraser a bit of the color on the iris to make them look like they are actually shiny! It feels like something so small to do and yet it makes a huge impact on the drawing!

And here’s yet another gif of the whole Farin sheet with all of the changes, including the last changes that made his head narrower, and less tilted and more in line. Look at the left side of his head especially to see that:

I can also see his nose changing between the first few photos. I keep forgetting about that but yeah, I also fixed that a little at some point.

And last but not least, the whole drawing in some sort of a timelapse gif:

Last two are the same but just a photo and the scan of the finished drawing. I still keep seeing things I would do differently but no can do, I already used fixative on it, also to keep myself from obsessing with it any more :D And to use it as a study of some sort. I have never been able to draw a perfect pencil drawing and this isn’t one either. I probably never can draw perfect drawings from references.

I do enjoy the whole shading and blending process, so much so that when I was editing these photos, I just wanted to start drawing something so bad but I also figured that I start to lose motivation when I get to the point where everything should be finished but I just can’t make it perfect. Like the current WIP I have, all I should do is to get the proportions and perspective and the lines of their faces correctly and I would be ready but it feels more like a superpower some people possess and I’m not one of those. I don’t know what is it but I just feel that I cannot see. I don’t know how to explain it, but I can’t see what I try to do and somehow keep drawing everything the wrong way. Just like in this post’s drawing too. There’s still things that are wrong and I know what it is but I don’t know how to solve it. My hands just don’t listen to me and they can’t do what I think they should. I also think the reason I cannot draw perfect copies of photos is because you can always see my “handprint” in them. If I copy a photo, it will look like a photo and not like a drawing made by me. So I believe that in my drawing there’s always a part of me visible and I’m not entirely sure if it’s a good thing or not. On bad days it’s not a good thing, obviously. On good days? Well I guess it’s good then because it just means I have my own style which I really should appreciate. But I wish I had my style only when I want it to be visible, but I can’t control it. Just like I cannot write text by hand that would look like it was written with a computer, so I guess I should just try to get used to it, no matter how much it’d bug me sometimes.

#mcrmadness draws #mcrmadness draws: behind the scenes #dä fanart #die ärzte

[thenonbinarydetective]

Catch of the Day-HB Fanfic

A request from one of my new favorite anons. I love all of them, but this request was so crazy I had to do it as soon as possible.

Warning: Angst and bad comedy. Also bad comedic angst. Character death

Additional warning: I can’t take things seriously and I haven’t written in awhile so it may be a bit rusty.

Word count: 1,647

Summary: The boys are chased by a harpooner who does not want to be caught.

Note to the anon: I don’t know what happened in the specific harpooning scene you referred to for inspiration. I didn’t want to spoil myself cause I hadn’t gotten around to playing it yet so, I worked with what I could.

Enjoy or don’t it’s kinda sad!

THWACK!

Frank’s breath hitched as a harpoon burst through the wall of the wooden shed. He looked to his brother next to him over the glistening metal that narrowly missed his head. Joe wore a waning smile. Frank knew what was coming.

“We knew something fishy was going down, I just didn’t think it’d be us.” He laughed weakly. He pealed himself off the wall and shuffled to the other side. Missing the annoyed look that the older Hardy shot at him.

The two brothers had arrived at the tiny fishing village earlier that week after a string of thefts had caught their attention. They discovered it was Gary Keates, an old sailor who currently was attempting to add a murder charge to burglary.

“Why do they always have to try to kill us?” Frank asked brother. He shrugged, then tested the back window. It opened, but neither of them would fit through it.

Keates yelled in the distance, Frank couldn’t understand what he said. It didn’t matter. They either had to break the window or try to duck out the harpooned door. His glance shifted from the window to the door, then from the door to window. He patted Joe’s shoulder, who took it as a sign to step back. Frank took up a rotted piece of floor and swung at the window.

The shattering glass was loud and obvious. Frank was going for quick, he didn’t care about the noise. He ushered his brother out the window and then followed. Joe lead the way in a stealthy, but speedy crouch back towards the main road. The police were to meet them there, along with their father. The village was so far out in the middle of nowhere. They promised to meet the boys in about an hour. Based on a radio message they received an hour and a half ago. With any luck, rescue would find the boys before Keates did.

Joe looked over his shoulder. Beyond his brother, he could still see Keates circling the shack. His harpoon gun bouncing off his leg. He had ammunition ready on his back. “I know the old dude is out of his shell, but I can’t believe he’s treating his harpoon gun like a bow and arrow.” Joe whispered.

“And I can’t believe you’re still making fish puns while were being hunted like animals.” Frank hissed back.

“You mean like whales? Or seals?”

Frank pointed ahead, silently commanding his brother to keep marching on. Also probably to shut up. They had a little way to go before they would reach the main road, and Keates was going to find them soon. Even with all the trees, the older Hardy boy felt too exposed. His only solace was that Joe remained in front of in and Gary Keates was behind him.

“You went to the woods, didn’t ya?” The Hardy Boys heard Gary rationalize as he left the area surrounding the rotten shack. A splintering CRACK rung out through the forest. At first the Hardy Boys feared they stepped on a twig, but it was their hunter retrieving his old harpoon. “I’ll find ya.”

They concealed themselves in some bushes, but they could still feel Keates’ searching gaze as he roved the forest. He was still far behind them. The hairs standing up on the back of Frank’s neck made it seem like he was right behind them.

He ushered Joe back in front of him again and motioned that they should go forward. He saw the worried look in his brother’s eyes, there was nothing he could do to comfort him besides giving him the same look. The situation already seemed bleak, but as long as he could keep Joe safe. Frank’s own safety didn’t matter.

Keep moving forward

Keep staying silent

Keep protecting your brother

In this moment, both brothers were repeating this in their minds. The slow pace was agonizing, and Gary’s shouting did not put them at ease. Slow and steady keeps you alive, right? That’s what their father taught them. In a way. He also taught them to not accuse someone who might kill them when they are alone in a small village where no one would find them. A very specific lesson, but one that would have been useful to remember about an hour ago.

They kept going on, keeping their breath as silent as possible. Trying to avoid every stick and crunchy leaf on the ground. It was Fall, which only made this more difficult. The two were making good progress until,

CRACK!

Frank stepped on a twig. It was a small twig, but the sound of it snapping traveled for miles. The brothers froze. This is not good.

“There ya are!”

This really is not good. Keates was already running in their direction. They didn’t have much time. “You keep going that way. “Frank pointed towards the main road. “I’ll split off and keep his focus on me.”

“But Frank?”

“I’ll meet you there. Now go!” He shoved Joe away from him, and the younger Hardy boy had no choice but to take off. He shot one last look to his brother. Frank didn’t look back. He faced the direction in which the harpooner was coming from. His whole body was trembling, he couldn’t disguise his fear with the brave face he put on.

When Keates came close enough, he slowed down. For the first time, he wasn’t yelling. He readied a shot. Unfortunately, too slow to take it. Frank spun around and sprinted off. His path was wild. He made it up as he went. He heard Keates running behind him.

“If I keep him distracted long enough,” Frank thought as he made a jagged turn, “Hopefully, Joe will send the police in time.” He tried to push morbidity out of his mind, it was hard. He’s completely lost in this dark forest. He couldn’t tell the difference between the sound of his own feet and Keates’s.

Frank had to take a chance to find out. He dove into a bush. It was quiet. Had he lost him? He waited for a few seconds and he could only hear his breathing. He waited before standing up. Looking around his surroundings, he realized he wasn’t too far from the main road. He continued on. There was an outpost nearby that would protect them better than some decaying shack ever would.

“Joe’s probably already there. The police better be there to kelp.” He whispered to himself. “Help. He’s not even here. How did he make me do that?” He laughed for his younger brother, who would’ve appreciated his pun. Frank slowed his pace down to a walk. Safety was in sight.

He caught sight of the shack, but that wasn’t the only thing he saw. Keates had beaten him there. Joe was backing away from him with his hands raised. Frank heard him plead, “No no no no please-AHCK!”

The first harpoon dug into his shoulder and pinned him to the wall.

Frank ran, but he was too slow and too far to stop Keates from loading another.

The second sliced through Joe’s leg. He cried out again.

Frank tripped over a root.

The third struck his hand. Joe didn’t make a sound at this point.

Frank jumped back to his feet and made another desperate attempt to stop the assault.

A fourth buried deep into his side.

Finally, Frank tackled Keates. He tried to pin him down, but the old man fought back viciously. So did Frank. They were rolling in the dirt, no matter how much Frank kicked and punched the old man was still fighting back. He couldn’t believe the energy his assailant possessed. Especially since he was running out of his own. Adrenaline surged through him, but it wasn’t enough. Keates stretched out to grab a harpoon.

The older Hardy took a risk. He shot up. As quick as he could he stepped on the harpooner’s hand, causing him to recoil. He then picked up a rock and bashed his opponent’s head without a second thought. He was out.

Joe’s head slumped, the rest of his body remained pinned to the outpost wall. His vision blurred, his breathing heavy, he was trying to fight it. He was trying to stay alive. He heard the sirens. The police wouldn’t make it. Their dad wasn’t there to save him. He was always supposed to keep them safe in this job. He failed. Joe knew he had to fight for himself now, but it was getting so hard.

Frank’s voice sounded miles away, even though he was inches from his face. Frank always had a solution. He could see the panic in his brother’s face. He was trying to find one. “You can’t fix it for me this time.” Joe mused. He tried to make light of this dark situation he got caught in. There was too much blood, too much pain, it was too hard to stay awake.

“Shut up.” Frank choked out. He couldn’t take out the harpoons, that would only make the bleeding worse. He couldn’t treat his wounds. He couldn’t leave him to get help. He couldn’t help him. He couldn’t protect his brother. “Stop talking.”

Joe weakly lifted his head and looked in his brother’s eyes. He hoped the look he was giving him was enough to tell him everything he needed to. This was the end. Joe wished he could tell his brother how much he loved him and how this wasn’t his fault. He wished he could ask him to say the same to their parents. He was out of time to say all those serious things now. Joe did the only thing he could, “Guess I’m the catch of the day… Sea you on the other side, Frank.”

“Those better not be your last words.” Frank scolded as tears fell.

But they were.

#This is my first real fic on here so I'm a little nervous #Remember I'm a little out of practice so if it's a bit rough around the edges #I'm still dusting my skills off a bit #frank hardy #joe hardy #the hardy boys #hardy boys #hardy boys fanfic #nancy drew #nancy drew games #I'm actually crying rn

[soybeeftacos]

A Long Rant and Mediocre Analysis of the Future of My Beloved Jinteki Faction, by scd.

I have been thinking about Jinteki and the impending rotation of a lot of Jinteki cards...

As many have, I eagerly anticipate the upcoming System Update and System Gateway releases from NISEI. I’ve not been the hugest fan of Ashes, to put it mildly, especially their ID design. As someone on the Green Level Clearance Discord said the other day (I forget who, sorry), it’s almost as if they made every Runner a different kind of Shaper. And the Corps are, by and large, uncompetitive and overly fiddly for my tastes — oh, how I wish Hyoubu Institute was any good! I’m dipping my toes back into Standard after a few years away, and have lately been trying to get my head around what’s coming around the corner, especially since beyond Engram Flush and LaCosta Grid, I don’t see a ton to be excited about in recent Jinteki cards.

Then it dawned on me, with the upcoming replacement of SC2019, Honor & Profit, and the SanSan Cycle, we are actually losing a lot of Jinteki cards. This hit me most the most at the level of identities. On the potential chopping block are: Jinteki: Personal Evolution, Jinteki: Replication Perfection, Harmony Medtech, Nisei Division, Tennin Institute, Jinteki Biotech, and Chronos Protocol. Add in that Mti Mwekundu and Jinteki: Potential Unleashed are currently banned, this leaves the competitive pool as of System Gateway/System Update: one of the above identities (if the rumors that System Update will have only one Corp ID per faction are true), the new Jinteki ID in System Gateway, then Pālanā Foods, AgInfusion, and Saraswati. No other legal Jinteki IDs. I understand that the first two are solid glacier choices, and I actually quite like Saraswati, but I want more and more variety.

So it’s a bit of a bummer for my favorite faction, which has had goofy FA Tennin decks, Punitive Medtech techs, Complete Image Chronos Protocol kill decks, lots and lots of different PE decks. Will we see the death of the Jinteki I loved? Or will it rise again from the proverbial coffin of rotation? (Yes, this was all an elaborate justification for using the old GIF above that I think Eric Caoili made many years ago).

I’m basically just sick of Jinteki glacier. It’s never been fun for me, nor does it feel like what the faction should be primarily “about.” Jinteki’s current state as a glacier faction primarily has as much to do with what’s been banned as much as what’s been printed (LaCosta, for instance). If there are enough net damage cards in the pool, someone will make yet another new version of the caustic “Potatoes” deck and then NISEI will ban a bunch of the most troublesome cards again. Ignoring currents, there are five Jinteki cards on the current banlist, which is tied with Weyland for the most — followed by four NBN cards, two HB cards, and four neutrals.

If System Update has only one Corp ID per faction, as the recent rumor has stated, then I’ll be bummed out. If it’s true, I fully expect that Personal Evolution will be the one to stick around. It’s always been at least marginally playable, it does something different (a net damage tax), and it’s intelligible for new players. But what other cards stick around? What else should stick around? I thought I’d look and see what cards are actually going to rotate and which ones I was most upset about. What I found was actually a little surprising to me — while I claim I love this faction, I’m, uh, not going to miss many of these! I’ve gone through below and identified from SC2019, Honor & Profit, and the SanSan Cycle all of the cards that I suspect just can’t go and/or I’d be real sad if they did.

From the pool of SC2019 Cards, here’s what I’d hold onto:

Jinteki: Personal Evolution Nisei Mk II Fetal AI Philotic Entanglement Project Junebug Ronin Snare! Neural EMP

All of these are such key cards to me, I just can’t see Jinteki without nearly all of them. Fetal AI, Philotic and Ronin are possibly marginal, but I think NISEI really made the right call bringing Fetal back (t’s a beautiful card on a number of levels); Philotic being limited to 1-per-deck has always made it a fun surprise and/or a welcome 3/2 in the faction; and without Ronin or a suitable combo-kill replacement, I don’t see the faction moving beyond just glacier decks. Can you imagine Netrunner without Snare!? Or NISEI getting rid of Nisei Mk II? Personal Evolution, Neural EMP, Junebug — these have always been faction-defining cards to me, and I don’t see NISEI being foolish enough to mess with that.

So, what would I lose from SC2019?

Jinteki: Replicating Perfection Sundew Hokusai Grid Celebrity Gift Trick of Light Himitsu-Bako Wall of Thorns Lotus Field Yagura Neural Katana Swordsman Tsurugi

A lot of great cards here, but push come to shove, I could lose any of them. I’ll miss all of these if they all go, and I won’t be sad if any are kept (other than maybe RP, as I think there are better options, if NISEI has more than one core Jinteki ID in System Update; see below).

Onward and on to the Honor & Profit Cards:

Psychic Field Mushin No Shin Komainu

This genuinely surprised me! I had expected that there would be many, many more Honor & Profit cards I’d want to keep. As a Jinteki lover, I’ve played with all of the cards in this box (with the possible exception of NeoTokyo Grid), but only Psychic Field, Mushin, and Komainu seemed obvious keepers to me. Now, now, I’m sure there’s some group of people out there who think Mushin is "bad” and I understand that, but without Mushin there needs to be something I want there to be something that has a similar effect — Saraswati is kinda it, but it’s also the ID itself and Mushin as an ID is not the same. I think Mushin needs to be kept to help facilitate the shell game Jinteki that has been a staple since Hinkes’ Cambridge PE. In the online play world of Jinteki.net, many people would love to see mind games and traps leave the game entirely, but I don’t think NISEI does (given that they kept Cerebral Overwriter in Uprising). Psychic Field, I’d keep, partially to facilitate this but also as a necessary, hard 419 counter — a counter on a mechanical vector that is not just about money and math. Komainu is a beautiful piece of ice, and one I’d love to see stay in the game.

So, what are we losing if I ruled NISEI?

Harmony Medtech Nisei Division Tennin Institute House of Knives Medical Breakthrough The Future Perfect Chairman Hiro Mental Health Clinic Shi.Kyū Tenma Line Cerebral Cast Medical Research Fundraiser Inazuma Pup Shiro Susanoo-no-Mikoto NeoTokyo Grid Tori Hanzō

Ouch. There are a lot of almost-keepers here. House of Knives, TFP, Tennin, Pup, and Susanoo, are all cards I’d love to see stick around but frankly, I don’t think they really need to. TFP is a great defensive agenda but we already have some fantastic defensive agendas in the faction (and I’d love to see what NISEI cooks up for other defensive Jinteki 5/3s). House of Knives is a great card and maybe it should stick around, I dunno, but perhaps there’s more interesting space to explore in net-damaging 3/1s (plus, we just got Sting! somewhat recently). These remaining ice don’t get a lot of play, even if they once did (like Pup); I’d be happy to see any of them stick around, but I’d also like to see new ideas. So, they can all go.

What about the SanSan Cycle? I’d keep:

Jinteki Biotech: Life Imagined Crick Cortex Lock Marcus Batty An Offer You Can’t Refuse

Okay, whoa, there’s actually an ID in here! Yeah, I love Biotech, even if I haven’t played it in a long time. I feel like Biotech needed just another couple of cards to make the other non-Brewery flip sides workable. I’d love to see NISEI attempt to fix an ID rather than just rotate it. Crick and Cortex Lock seem like such solid, interesting ice that I wouldn’t want to lose either — Cortex Lock is of course a wonderful facechecking ice, good early game ice that was only really ever a problem during the Mti meta. I’ve always loved the positional ice of that cycle, and Crick is lovely. Batty is too fun to ignore and is versatile for multiple decks, and is not stifling like other defensive upgrades. And An Offer You Can’t Refuse — clearly the weirdest, least-played card of this entire post — I just want to keep it around, for the novelty of forcing a run on the Corp’s turn and its related rules confusions. And for the memes.

What would we lose?

Genetic Resequencing Ancestral Imager Allele Repression Genetics Pavilion Lockdown It’s a Trap! Clairvoyant Monitor Chronos Protocol: Selective Mind-Mapping Recruiting Trip Valley Grid

Not a lot here that I really care about, I guess? Genetics Pavilion is probably the one I’d miss the most, not that it’s had much play since Wyldside rotated. And Chronos Protocol — I’m glad it got a brief moment to shine in the sun of Complete Image, but I’m not going to miss it otherwise. Maybe Allele Repression, but frankly, Genotyping, Preemptive Action, etc. have shown that Operation-based card recycling is the best way to go post-Jackson. The rest of these cards were, I think, pretty mediocre design; I’m surprised at how little wheat to chaff there was in SanSan for Jinteki, as my memory is quite different!

And, of course, with the release of System Update, we’ll presumably get some other old cards resurfacing that we haven’t seen in a while. I certainly hope NISEI gets aggressive and interesting with these choices, as I think they did a pretty good job with SC2019 (even if I found Core Experience to be a slog of a format). I’m excited at the options of what from the original core, Genesis, Spin, and Lunar might resurface. If it were up to me, here are the four cards that I would bring back:

Hostile Infrastructure Shock! Edge of World Industrial Genomics

Okay, okay, Hostile Infrastructure won’t be popular, but I love it. It’s expensive to rez and with SanSan gone there won’t be the old Breaker Bay Grid cheese to get it rezzed for free. It’s been back in the meta with Salvaged Memories for a bit now and doesn’t appear to be the scourge of the meta, so why not just keep it? More importantly, I’d love to see Shock! come back — it felt infinitely more fair than Breached Dome with a similar (albeit costlier to trash) effect. Edge of World was a jank-enabler that I would love to see again (perhaps because I’m currently playing Retrunner with these old cards again), and then there’s ... Industrial Genomics.

Okay, okay, okay, I hear you, “IG bad.” It’s a mean, mean, Bad People Play It™ identity that made you cry real bad that one time. It did the same to me once, too! I get that perspective, but if we are going to choose a Jinteki ID that is very functionally different than Personal Evolution to complement it in System Update, I’d like one that facilitates the kinds of play IG does. Biotech fits that bill, but frankly, Biotech unless it gets the card support will just be another Brewery kill ID, and I’m not sure NISEI are thinking that’s worth keeping. I’m being hopelessly optimistic that we’ll be getting three Jinteki IDs when System Gateway and Update drop rather than just two, and if I had to choose between Biotech and IG, I’m going IG every time.

Now, with Kakurenbo in the cardpool, a return of IG just can’t happen; so... ban Kakurenbo! It is a ridiculous card that was, seemingly, mainly designed for IG to play in Eternal. I can’t see any other good use for it, at least. Bring back the old IG from before Bio-Ethics prison. Bring back Shock! Hell, even go ahead and ban Bio-Ethics — gasp, I can’t believe I’m typing such blashemy — and give us something that can open up new kinds of play with this interesting, classic, and overly-maligned ID. Industrial Genomics was a weird thing of beauty, and it deserves another run. Laugh at me all you want, you know I’m right.

One more thing — what about Caprice Nisei? Shouldn’t she be discussed? Nah, she gets no love from me, simply because of the playstyle she empowers. Caprice is of course a great and meta-defining card — for glacier! But haven’t we had enough of glacier by now? Like, two years of mainly glacier Jinteki? And I’m the lord of my own barely-read blog fiefdom; I decree that if you really want a psi game to protect your agenda, you should just go play Hyoubu Precog Manifold.

Anyway, just some thoughts by someone who doesn’t play any Standard but wants to do more. I started writing this thinking it was about the dire state of Jinteki, but I’m now left thinking there’s actually a much smaller set of must-keep Jinteki cards than I initially thought. Granted, most of them are non-ice cards, and that’s a problem here — only a handful of ice here seem really necessary to keep. And maybe that’s what this is about; encouraging more deckbuilding that has little to do with building remotes.

I’m most concerned about IDs. Keeping PE and either Biotech or IG would make me personally happy, and Tennin would be an acceptable “sure, why not.” There’s a lot of potential for Jinteki to move into more forms of play that aren’t so glacier-heavy, and I’m hopeful about that. I do think what they do in System Gateway and System Update will need to address the loss of Jinteki cards, but perhaps not as seriously as I had feared when I started writing this.

Anyway, I’d love to hear any reactions to this. Long Live Chairman Hiro!

#netrunner #jinteki #rant #nisei #systemupdate #systemgateway #iloveyouig

[ultimaa]

OFFSIDE

Two shot

PART I

Summary: "You’re young, attractive and rich, but Martinique stands between you and the love of your life. Damn, I'm happy I'm not you."

Eren had two sacred rules during his holidays: no football, no social media and no England. These purposes involved moving a thousand kilometers from his apartment in Liverpool to enjoy a peaceful summer in his native Shigansina, a small town in southern Germany where everyone knew each other. There he was simply Dr. Grisha's boy. "Really? Come on, man, go to French Polynesia or Dubai," his partner Connie Springer said. "Shigan-what? Okay, don't mind me. I’m sure parties are great in your town..." Honestly, Eren spent his days off sleeping and playing video games. Sometimes he jogged — after all, he earned his salary thanks to his body — and drunk HB beer, but what he liked most was the feeling of making up for lost time. He loved football and played in one of the best clubs in the world, history would seat him at the same table as Ian Rush, Michael Owen or Steven Gerrard. He loved Anfield, but he was too young when he said goodbye to the field of earth soccer and was taken to Melwood, where his parents visited him once a month. At the age of twenty-six, with a brilliant career, Eren Jaeger returned to Germany like an elephant going to die in a cave, with his family, and then repeated the cycle of nostalgia. However, that year would be different.

The Jaeger couple celebrated their 25th anniversary and they organized a small party with relatives and close friends. Only Eren Kruger, best man, who was in a submarine five thousand meters deep, was absent. As for the others, they all attended: Zeke and Pieck, who had come from Berlin, Aunt Faye, Keith Shadis (Eren’s Godfather), Tom Xaver (Zeke’s Godfather), Hannes, Armin and his grandfather, Kuchel Ackerman (bridesmaid), Kenny Ackerman (usher) and Levi Ackerman. Grisha did not like parties, but Carla settled the discussion with a resounding statement: "Silver anniversary aren’t celebrated every day, darling."

While Hannes, old Arlet, Pieck and Kuchel made a beef stew and the couple danced to the sound of Wiener Blut in the sitting room, Eren opened a bottle of beer and toasted with Armin and Zeke.

"You’re the only one, brother," Zeke pointed out. "You’ll retire bachelor. With ten Golden Balls, but a bachelor."

"The golden bachelor," Eren corrected. "Hey, Armin, you're single too."

"Annie and I are taking some time." His best friend shrugged.

Zeke laughed. He was a cardiologist. "I understand the heart much better than you... in all aspects," he used to say. And it was probably true: he was married to Pieck and the ring did not bother him yet.

"Really? She has been in Australia for two months. Do you know how long Australians last in bed, huh? About seventeen minutes, behind only the Americans, the Canadians and the English. As for the Germans, only eight percent have participated in a trio. If I were you, I'd start to worry."

"Did you just tell me I'm a bad lover?"

"No. Statistics, Armin. Information."

"This dude is like that." Eren took a sip. "He throw the stone and hides the hand."

"I have no interest in offending the virility of the Germans. I'm German, in case you haven't noticed. Siegfried is my grandfather and every Friday I go drinking with Wagner, but not all women know how to appreciate the Central European charm. Also, Melbourne is one of the best cities to live."

"Annie is in Sydney."

"See? That's precisely the problem." Zeke finished his beer and put a hand on Arlet's shoulder. "You know exactly where she is, but does she remember you? When a woman puts fifteen thousand kilometers between her and her partner, she only has one goal: to forget. And while she builds her new beginning, you water her plants."

"I still wonder how you seduced Pieck," Eren said. "Did you take her to dinner with Kaiser Wilhelm and Angela Merkel?"

"Actually, she won me. Well, I fell into the trap. I thought I could escape later. I was wrong and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I ain’t immune to women either."

Zeke showed a wide smile. He was blond and had a magnificent bearing. When the waltz was over, he congratulated Grisha and gave him a beer. Then he hugged Carla and cleared his voice. They all looked at him.

"This woman you see here is suicidal: marrying a Jaeger is dangerous, but marrying a divorced Jaeger with a child is deadly. The first time I saw her I was seven years old and I thought: Will she be like Miss Rottenmeier? No, thanks to God. I had always been Ezekiel, but she started calling me Zeke and that's how my friends, my coworkers and my wife call me. In a way, he baptized me. She ain’t my father's wife or my stepmother. Sorry, Eren; Being an only child is wonderful, but she’s also my mother and I would like us to toast her, the woman who brought us together here today. Cheers! Who’s in charge of the music? Auntie, put Spring’s Voices on. Eren and I are gonna dance."

"Wonderful idea." Armin laughed. "Football? As Martha Graham said, dance is the hidden language of the soul."

"You bastards." Eren took his brother's hand.

"Don't step on my shoes."

Among the music and the wild laughter of Kenny and Hannes, Eren did not realize what was about to happen. No clairvoyant would have guessed it. He looked sideways and saw her appear: black hair, aviator sunglasses, and a cigarette between her lips. White rolled-up shirt, capri pants and strappy sandals. He lost concentration and Zeke roared with laughter. He knew, of course. The last time he saw her was on the eve of her trip to Martinique, where she had spent the past year. The waltz ended and they both bowed. Eren did not want to raise the head. Why had no one warned him?

"Levi told me she came back last night," Zeke whispered.

Eren did not even hear the applause. He quickly returned to Armin, who was chatting with Keith Shadis, a retired military man, about the Ardennes Counteroffensive and the Nuremberg Trials. "I am almost sure," said his friend, a historian, "that Franz von Papen died in '69."

"Mikasa is here," Eren hissed.

"I know," he nodded, "and I'm gonna greet her, she's my lifelong friend and I'm glad to see her. You should do the same. Don't think about what happened."

"Did you know? Armin!"

His friend approached her. Great. Eren slipped out into the garden with a couple of beer cans and sat down on a wooden bench. Pretend you don't care, he thought. It belongs to the past, that's it! Fuck! You have to call it by its name: pain. Before she left, they drank like a fish and ended up going to bed. That was last summer. They had not spoken about it since then. He could already hear wise and eminent Zeke Jaeger’s voice: "So you haven’t had a girlfriend since Christ was crucified, but you shag with your best friend. Da ya need to talk, Eren?" Shit! Maybe he needed to tell someone how much her decision to go to Martinique hurt when he declared her love. She had a degree in Arts, so she was offered to do a study about Paul Gauguin, who spent a time on the island. So Zeke would say: "The Caribbean? I'm sorry, brother, I'm so sorry. You and Armin can cry together."

Eren was in love with her. It is one of those truths that one understands with a broken heart. And this led him to reject the insinuations of several, too many women in recent months. There were rumors that he was gay.

"Look who's here: Reds’ Hunter," Mikasa greeted him. "Can I sit?"

"You can do whatever you want." Eren was not angry, but a little drunk. He scratched his right arm; Delacroix's Liberty was tattooed from shoulder to elbow; Lower down, on the forearm, Goya’s Colossus collapses the Berlin Wall. On the inside of the doll, an M. Again, he could hear his brother's voice calling him an idiot.

Mikasa sat next to him. Her skin was not as pale as before: Caribbean tan. The serious mouth was the same and the gray eyes had not changed. She had a fine scar on her right cheek.

"Congratulations on winning the Premier."

"Yeah, well, first in Liverpool's history." Eren groaned. "How did it go with Gauguin?"

"Excellently. Van Gogh said that Gauguin didn’t paint with the brush, but with the phallus. However, mayby he didn’t die of syphilis..."

"Are you kidding me? Do you congratulate me on the championship and talk about Gauguin's cock?" He let out a sardonic laugh. "If that's all you have to tell me after all this time..."

"This is neither the time nor the place".

"I don’t care. We fucked, Mikasa."

"I know. I was there."

"Really? Because sometimes I think about it and it seems a mirage. You've been avoiging the matter a whole year, a fucking year. You show up at my parents' party like nothing's wrong and talking about fucking Gauguin." Eren paused. "Annie is in Australia. Do you know how long Australians last in bed? Seventeen minutes. How long do Martinicans last?"

"I know what you're implying," Mikasa said seriously, "and you're wrong, Eren. You’re very wrong. Do you think I would be able to do that after sleeping with you?"

Carla Jaeger interrupted them; the meal was ready. They were not hungry, but an inexplicable feeling oppressed them: Eren's blood boiled; Mikasa's was frozen.

"When you want us to talk as adults, let me know," she said.

Adults! Eren said nothing. He sat between Zeke and Armin, who gave him a questioning look. Eren sighed and started eating. He remained oblivious to all the conversations, sharing looks with Mikasa, sitting next to her uncle Kenny. One year had passed and perhaps he was angry, but he winked al her. She smiled and caught the kiss Eren discreetly sent her, and showed her thumb.

"Okay," Zeke said, after wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Have I ever told you about friendship between men and women? No, because it’s impossible. Were you and Annie ever friends, Armin?"

"Huh… Yeah?"

"No. You wanted to have sex, but you didn't tell her."

"I know you know," Eren whispered.

"I’ve known for a long time. In fact, I knew it before you did, bro. You were like Heidi and Peter, and now, if you were alone, this would become ​Nine and a half Weeks.

For Zeke it was too obvious, but what about the others? Eren looked at them closely. They talked about politics, football, past... Levi was the only one who remained silent. He was not a very talkative man, unlike his mother and uncle. Kuchel and Kenny talked and laughed like no one else. As for Mikasa, whose premature orphanhood led her to grow up with them, her character was soft; silent, good listener and without his cousin’s curtness. Did she tell someone what happened? Maybe Sasha Braus? After the meal, Eren felt adult enough.

The whole evening passed pleasant between anecdotes and skat hands. Keith Shadis left around six in the afternoon; He had to return to Munich for work. As for the others, Carla insisted that they stay for dinner. While Grisha and Zeke had a scholarly conversation about the latest advances in medicine, Kenny was laughing loudly with Mikasa by his side.

"I never imagined that we would have an artist in the family."

"I'm an art historian," Mikasa pointed out.

"If God doesn’t give you children, Devil gives you nephews." Kenny lit a cigarette. "Ackermans have always been country people. Levi was the first to go to university; He was already a whiz since childhood. Fortunately, Mikasa followed suit.

"What is Martinique like?" Carla asked.

"Quiet. When it rains, goodbye internet and light, and of course I have to mention mosquitoes, humidity, heat and earthquakes," she paused, "but people are lovely and the landscapes are spectacular. They are exactly like on postcards. Oh, and the accra is very good."

"We could go on vacation, honey." Zeke looked at Pieck. "I'm tired of Sardinia."

"But you have to be careful with snakes," Mikasa continued, smiling. "I was bitten by a eyelash viper. Nothing serious, but I wouldn’t repeat the experience."

"One year has been enough, hasn't it?" Eren, who was playing cards with Armin, had his ears set on the conversation.

"Yes. For now I will stay here I’ll go to Munich in September to work at the Alte Pinakothek."

"It's fantastic," said Armin.

"And you’ll be close," added Kuchel.

So Munich. However, Mikasa commented on the possibility of another trip. She specialized in Impressionism and did not rule out settling in France. After dinner, when it was time to say goodbye, Eren pulled out his cell phone and wrote her a message: "Do you wanna talk?" She looked sidelong at him and replied, "Come home tomorrow. We will be alone." Jaeger thought about that last one; He smiled, pleased, and quickly typed, "Good."

They all left except for Zeke and Pieck, who would spend a few days in the village before returning to Berlin. It was like going back fifteen years ago, when they still crowd around under one ceiling. Carla loved having them all there. Her good character led her to have an excellent relationship with her daughter-in-law. Grisha was pleased with the situation; He played chess with Zeke for hours, in total silence. Eren used to watch them, attentive to the gestures, wondering how they could drag on a duel that long. And it all ended with one word: "Checkmate."

Zeke followed him into the garden with a cigarette on the lips. He had tried to stop smoking, but there are things a man can never give up, like mentholated Camel.

"You don't smoke, do you? What a pity. One or two cigarettes once in a while doesn't hurt anyone, Mr. Perfect Abs." Zeke blew out the smoke. "Munich. A wonderful city, especially in October."

"We’re gonna talk tomorrow."

"One day I take a look at the yellow press and I see you with Historia Reiss, and I think you're a lucky bastard. You’re young, attractive and rich, but Martinique stands between you and the love of your life. Damn, I’m happy I’m not you."

"I love you too." Eren frowned.

"I’m trying to help you. Don't screw it up, okay? A bad step now and you will regret it all your life." His brother clapped him on the back. "Now If you can excuse me, I'm going to make love to my wife in my fifteen-year-old room."

"I didn't need to know that."

…

Having the house to herself, Mikasa went down to have black tea. Frugal breakfast, as always. She felt like an intruder in her own town and jet lag was not benevolent. She wanted to stay in bed, she’s just got ants in her pants. She did push-ups and thought about the last exhausting year. Operation Gauguin, as she called it, had been a true odyssey. Fuck the Caribbean. She had missed Europe, her family and friends, but duty is duty. As for Eren, she could not reproach him for anything. He was angry. She should not have slept with him before she left; Mikasa kept thinking about it for a moment. Secrets and sex are a bad combination for consciousness. Besides, she left without saying goodbye. She behaved like a real motherfucker and would do it again: sentimentality is not advisable before a possible trip with no return. No, she couldn't listen to Eren's feelings before getting on the plane. Deep down, she suffered from the greatest weakness: love.

She lay down on the floor and closed his eyes. God, the cold slabs were nicer than any bed in the Caribbean. The woman forgot the physical and mental exhaustion when Eren touched the knocker. She took a breath and decided to improvise. The first thing Mikasa noticed was Dior's perfume. He was wearing an unbuttoned black polo shirt, gray jeans, and deck shoes. The three-day beard and dapper cut fit him very well. Those tropical eyes ... Shit!

Silence. Glances. It was inevitable. Eren closed the door behind him and received her kiss in a frenzy. Mikasa bit his lips, tugged at his hair. The man held her prisoner in his arms, sliding his hands down her back, her hips and her neck, anxious and needy. Their mouths were lost in each other's. Eren threw his head back and went deeper, searching for lost time. He licked her lips from corner to corner. The touch of tongues was deadly like a sword dance. They parted, face to face, panting, obscene. Mikasa wanted to make love to him in the middle of the hall and tell him how much she had missed him.

"Did you want to talk?" Eren planted another kiss.

"Yes," Mikasa replied. "I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I have a very interesting story to tell you, but I don't know if it will be more exciting than winning the English league."

"Ok, you know I prefer Monet, but..."

"It has nothing to do with Gauguin." Mikasa took his hand and led him into the living room. If she thought about it, it was a concise thing, but difficult to assimilate. Eren sat down on the sofa. She made him coffee and moved to his side, maturing the words in her head. "It's complicated. If you don't believe it, I get it. I’ve spent more time in Cuba than in Martinique. I haven’t done any study about Gauguin."

"What?" Eren looked at her seriously. "What's going on, Mikasa?"

"I've been working for Interpol for a couple of years. No one knows, only you. Crimes against cultural heritage."

"I don’t get it. What does that have to do with Martinique and Cuba?"

"During Nazism many degenerate works were plundered. Gauguin, Chagall, Klee... Some works were located last year. There was a certain black market for art among many American magnates. That is why I went to Cuba together with a team, to find out the whereabouts of some Gauguin works lost since 38."

"It’s definitely more interesting than winning the Premier." Eren drank from his mug thoughtfully, still amazed. "Was it dangerous?"

"Not much. At least not for me. My job is to see, evaluate and give a verdict, not shooting. Do you think I'm out there drinking Martini and driving an Aston Martin?"

"The idea excites me." The man touched the scar on her face. "And this? I don't remember it. It’s not on the maps that I have of your whole body."

"Then you will have to add it." Mikasa took the cup from him, put it on the table and leaned against him, kissing him calmly and sweetly. For a moment she thought she would never see him again, or maybe he would see her repatriated corpse with a bullet in the head. God! She hugged him and rested her head on his heart. Eren stroked her hair and she trembled at the memory. "It was a shot. I don't know how I'm still alive. I was so lucky..."

"My God," Eren whispered. "Why did you not tell me? Don’t trust me?"

"I know you. Worry wouldn't let you focus."

"Of course not. And now that I know why you left, it will take me a few weeks to recover from my fright. Damn, it hurt so much when you answered my messages as if nothing... I wanted to tell you about my feelings, but you always talked about trivial issues and I thought you didn't care what happened between us. Why?"

"I was scared. I didn't want to think about you or our plans. What would have happened to all those words if I had died? Look at this scar. It’s a miracle I’m still alive. It happened a few days after arriving. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. A rich man held a clandestine exhibition, I infiltrated and they discovered me. I didn't want to tell you that I love you and then die. I don't do things that way."

"And how do you do it?"

"Like this." Mikasa kissed him again.

#eremika #Eren Jaeger #Mikasa Ackerman #eren x mikasa #zeke jaeger #snk #shingeki no kyojin #AoT #attackontitan #fanfic

[cxhnow]

Growing Up With Chloe x Halle

The Bailey sisters on why they didn’t switch up overnight — the world just caught up to their speed.

On their 2018 debut album The Kids Are Alright and on Freeform’s Grown-ish, a 19- and 17-year-old Chloe and Halle Bailey sang “Watch out world, I’m grown now.” So you’ll have to forgive them for acting out a little on their new sophomore record — they warned us. While Ungodly Hour might sound like a pivot to the grown ‘n’ sexy side of R&B similar to plenty of their peers, trading TKAA’s colorful doodles for chrome angel wings and skin-tight latex, they’re really just living the same truths they preached up and down TKAA: Own your insecurities, work hard, don’t get distracted by drama. “When we created this album, we said, Okay, we want to show all the different sides and layers of us,” Chloe tells me, sitting side by side with her sister, over Zoom from their family home in Los Angeles. “We don’t just want to show this one side. A lot of people still think we’re teenagers.”

Now 22 and 20, the former child stars are ready to explore the topics they’ve been singing about since they were kids making covers on YouTube, the ones that landed them a record deal with music royalty before they were old enough to vote. The new album calls out former flings, seethes with jealousy, and apologizes when necessary. Lyrics like “It’s four o’clock / you sendin’ me too many pictures of your …” and “No drama, no baby mamas” immediately started dating rumors online, roping in their Grown-ish co-star Diggy Simmons. While most fans are having fun with it, those a little, um, outside of the Baileys’ age demographic are still struggling (try to get through this Breakfast Club questioning without cringing). In case you missed it: They no longer have to change Beyoncé lyrics from “You showed your ass” to “You showed your butt” — on “Do It,” they proudly sing “I’m a bad girl, shake a li’l ass.” Alongside all the perks of growing up, the album makes sure to normalize the struggles, too.

When the coronavirus pandemic sent Halle home to L.A. from The Little Mermaid rehearsals in London, their house (complete with mom, dad, and younger brother, Branson) became their album rollout headquarters. One of the few albums to not be pushed due to the coronavirus, Ungodly Hour was originally planned for June 5, but the deaths of George Floyd in Minnesota, Breonna Taylor in Kentucky, and far too many others across the country, created a moment that Chloe and Halle felt they couldn’t ignore. They pushed the album one week, to June 12, and continued to use their platform to share petitions, funds, and awareness, while also personally signing petitions and making donations. As both an escape and work, they’ve been focusing their energy on the album, diving into elaborate DIY remote performances and mashing up songs, but making sure to leave Sundays for rest. After a busy weekend tearing up the BET Awards and Global Citizen virtual stages, channeling Aaliyah in one performance and going full rock and roll in the other, they’ll be back on Instagram Live this Thursday for Ungodly Hour Tea Time, where they often chill out in Snuggies, try to remember what day of quarantine it is, and update their supporters on their lives.

How has it been, emotionally, to have to sing and dance while all of this turmoil is happening? Halle Bailey: Emotionally, what’s keeping us afloat is music and feeling better through the art. I think that’s why we love music so much because even though we create it and we sing it, we use it as our healer, too. Everything going on really makes you reflect. But we’re young black women, this hasn’t been anything new to us. Our community has known about this for a very long time, and it’s constantly upsetting. But what I’m appreciating about technology and social media is that our voices can’t be silenced anymore. And the things that they used to try to hide, they can’t any longer. We’re seeing these injustices happen over video, and [so is] the rest of the world who’s usually ignorant to the racism that’s been underlying in this community. They’re seeing it and they’re upset as well. So it’s good because change can only happen when we’re all working towards a common goal. I can’t wait to see what comes out of this.

I feel like every time we have one of these moments where everyone is just mourning so publicly in such a communal way, there’s also music that uplifts us. Talk me through deciding to postpone the album.

HB:  During the height of the George Floyd protests, emotionally, we just were not right to release a project. Our little brother and our father — when we see a video of George Floyd getting killed in the street, we think that could be them tomorrow. And we wanted to shine the light on what needs to be seen. That George Floyd video, Breonna Taylor, all of the other brothers and sisters that we have lost to police brutality — that is what needed to be at the forefront and what still needs to be at the forefront.

And when The Kids Are Alright came out that was right around March for Our Lives, the Women’s March was happening. How does this moment compare for you?

Chloe Bailey: Wow, now that I’m thinking about it, this time, it feels a bit more like change is really going to happen. Around The Kids Are Alright, we went to the March for Our Lives and we were around that incredible energy; it was really positive and uplifting because we were all banding together. But for some reason, this time right now … I feel like we have the entire world’s attention. Actual change is going to come out of what’s been happening. So, it feels the same but different, right?

HB: Yeah, I definitely think this one feels more massive. Feels like, Okay, maybe we’re getting somewhere this time. Maybe it won’t just go away a week after all of this is over, you know?

In the early stages of Ungodly Hour, did you go in wanting it to be something that showcased your maturity? Or did that come out as you were going with it?

HB: We absolutely knew that we wanted it to showcase our growth, the evolution of us into young women. Because I feel like The Kids Are Alright was very much us finding ourselves and that project took three years to make. So with that length, you can kind of go through and see like, Oh, wow, they must have been really shifting through and figuring out what’s wrong and what’s right. So, for this project, it was like, Yes, we are here. We are now grown women. I’m 20. My sister’s about to be 22 this week.

CB: Hey!

HB: So we took that and we were just like, Let’s show who we’ve become. And let’s show the side of us that people don’t see whether it’s the naughtier side of us or the insecure side of us, or the part that picks every single thing apart about ourselves out. We wanted to show all the layers of us as young women, once you kind of know who you are, but also you’re still learning.

You’ll never be a finished product.

CB: Never, constantly evolving. And that’s the goal.

There have always been glimpses at your boss-bitch attitudes, hints of it in your music and on Grown-ish. Do you ever get the sense that you’re waiting for the industry and fans to sort of open their eyes and catch up to where you’re at?

CB: I’m not gonna lie, there are some moments. And I remember when we were even creating this album we were putting a certain pressure on ourselves. Because we were thinking, What do we want the world to hear from us? What do we think the world wants us to sound like? What would make people become more receptive to us? I remember we were creating for, like, one to two months in that mind-set, and we were creating some of the worst music we ever have.

HB: Yeah, it was. It was trash.

CB: It was because we weren’t creating from our hearts. We weren’t being honest with ourselves, and as a musician, you gotta be vulnerable and share that true part of yourself or the music isn’t going to be very good. Once we threw that out the window and said, You know what, let’s create a good body of art, the album continued to write itself. But that main lesson for us was never change yourself; the world will catch up to you when it’s ready. I feel like they’re kinda ready now for this project. It’s older and more mature than The Kids Are Alright because we’re older and more mature than who we were when we created that.

In making a more vulnerable album, were you nervous about expanding your image in that way? Was there anything that you debated not including or things that didn’t make the cut?

HB: Wow, so, I will say that our parents kind of had a hard time … well, not a hard time, but just like opening their eyes to the fact that, Okay, these are the topics that we’ve decided to talk about. This is what’s happening. It was really fun for us to watch them. I completely understand how they feel because, you know, we’ve been just little babies to them and now we’re growing and they’re hearing [about] certain things that we’ve been through, or that we just wrote in the music. They have been like, “Oh, okay, so that’s that.”

Fans tweet collabs at you all the time, but what’s your actual approach to choosing who you work with? (Ungodly Hour features just two major collaborations: Swae Lee on “Catch Up” and the title track with Disclosure.)

CB: Definitely we have to be fans of them, number one. Even though we make music, we are such big music fans and music lovers. Two, we have to feel like the person can sonically fit the song. We don’t want to throw just anyone on a song just because they have a big name, which is really cool too. It’s really great to get big features. But it’s so funny because we have a big wish list of who we hear on which songs and some people bite, some people don’t. It’s always fun to see what the end result will be. And I know we’ll start putting out remixes and stuff soon, which will be fun.

HB: It’s very interesting because it’s hard during the creative process. You kind of have to open yourself up to somebody you do not know when you make music; it’s a part of your heart that you’re sharing. So, it’s a very intimate thing to do with a stranger. Which is why with my sister it’s really easy. But when it comes to us working with new people, we gravitate towards the ones who have very open spirits and souls, nice people.

Chloe, would you ever produce for other artists?

CB: Absolutely, 1,000 percent. That would be so much fun. I would be getting out of my comfort zone, because the only person who I can comfortably produce in front of is my sister and blast it loud over the speakers. Whenever we have other sessions with other producers and we’re collaborating, I’ll put my headphones in, I won’t blast it on the aux with theirs. I have my little computer on my lap because I like using weird sounds and samples and chopping them up in a weird way. Sometimes it’s trial and error, so I don’t want people to hear my mistakes.

HB: She’s amazing and she should just blast it everywhere she goes, okay?

CB: I would definitely love, love, love to do that.

Yes, we want to hear you everywhere! So, when shelter in place started, you guys very flawlessly transitioned to doing these home covers and incredible remote performances. What’s the process of coming up with these concepts, especially the more elaborate ones?

HB: Oh my gosh, it’s really just a bunch of play. When we’re coming up with concepts, our creative director Andrew Makadsi is really amazing at seeing our vision for the songs before we actually perform them live. It’s been really interesting and exciting to have new songs to play with. But as far as the covers, you know, those are easy. We can do those in our sleep; we just love singing other people’s songs.

How long does it take to pull together a remote performance like the Today show one for example?

CB: Our amazing creative director came up with that and it took him a day. He just kept sending us a bunch of references and photo ideas he thought of and we picked the backdrop we wanted. The song arrangement, because we always like to switch it up every time, takes —

HB: Like a day.

CB: It takes us like ten minutes to arrange the songs. But then we took some of the choreography [by Kendra Bracy and Ashanti Ledon] that we learned during the music video shoot, and we added new choreography ourselves for the Today show performance. We were like on the floor and stuff — we did that the night before we filmed it. That took us like 30 minutes because we wanted to make sure the moves weren’t awkward because we’re not choreographers, so we would prop up our iPhone and that would be our little dance-studio mirror.

You guys are really doing it by yourselves in quarantine. So, what’s the tennis court situation? Has that always been there?

HB: Yeah, it has actually, we just haven’t really used it. I mean, we’ve been where we live for about two years now. We never really thought to use it until quarantine happened ‘cause we always go somewhere else to shoot performances. That’s been a beautiful evolution — using what we have. We feel so blessed to just be able to do what we love and also do it somewhere nice.

The tennis court performances have been life-giving.

CB: It’s been so useful, from the at-home photo shoots we have to do and then the performances, like I’m so grateful. We don’t actually know how to play tennis, but there are basketball hoops on each side so our little brother Branson’s usually out there. So, when we do have to do these things, I feel bad because he’s always out there shooting hoops, but he’s like, “Okay, you can have it for two hours …” [x]

#vulture #june 28 2020 #june 2020 #2020 #interviews #articles #ungodly hour #ungodly hour interviews #ungodly hour articles #chloe bailey #halle bailey #chloe x halle #chloexhalle #chloeandhalle #chloe and halle