#I’m not even really an essek stan

[malaismere]

I am the wildemount job's biggest stan but I think I'll ask for director's commentary on the wedding ceremony in ch 6 of Tower of Shattered Glass, either from "Lord Caleb Widogast, archmage of antiquity" to "Essek wishes that could give him comfort." or the passage right after that until "Best not to dwell on it. In unison, they both step forward, down the center aisle, the line of people trailing after them." Whatever you think is interesting!

honestly, probably for the best, im not sure how much commentary for the wildemount job I’d have beyond “i thought it was funny” (that’s only half a joke, I did put thought into that fic)

I’m doing both because I like rambling, and may as well cover the full wedding. Below the cut!

Lord Caleb Widogast, archmage of antiquity. He’s dressed in crimson red, the trademark of the Assembly, and his bright blue eyes stare back at Essek with a gaze that feels like it could set something on fire, make a lesser man crumble beneath it.

So, the biggest inspiration for this fic is Reputations (as is only fitting for an arranged marriage, volstrucker!caleb fic). In it, Caleb sets his hair on fire as a nervous tic, which everyone (especially husband to be Molly) thinks is intimidating/a sign of anger. Didn’t steal it exactly, but I think volstrucker!Caleb has real rating murder face.

And every time I describe him in the early chapters, I think it’s very important that he looks clean cut, imposing. This isn’t truly Caleb, after all - it’s closer to Bren. Although, he’s not usually in Assembly/blood red, it’s more a public appearance/formal thing. Read into that how much metaphor you want.

Essek matches it, unflinching, keeping the blank, congenial smile on his face.

Of course, resting murder face or not, Essek was raised in courts. I like to imagine that the dens are very much the great houses with all the ruthlessness and only somewhat less murder; you won’t last long in high echelon politics if you can’t handle yourself and your emotions, much less Shadowhand. Essek is very good at not letting anyone know what he’s feeling, especially to not seem intimidated.

The priest begins to read out the sermon - a generic, inoffensive thing, the wording of which had been argued over for hours. It speaks of the strength of unity, the power of alliances, alluding to both the marriage and the peace.

I did not want to write wedding vows.

Although I think it’s important that this isn’t actually vows; neither speak here, it isn’t really about them. This also emphasizes how political - and therefore - how dull - most of the planning was.

“Let Erathis bless this union, and all those that follow,” the priest finishes, and steps back, as the Dusk Captain moves forward to take the place, and, behind Widogast, the third archmage, Wulfric Kirchoff, pulls out the beacon from the case it had been held in.

Erathis chosen as the least offensive deity to the Dynasty and also patron of political marriages and treaties.

Eodwulf is holding the beacon. Our trio of archmages won’t let anyone else even see it without one of them present. Paranoid motherfuckers, aren’t they? Rightfully so, of course.

Wulfric Kirchoff is my excuse to have Caleb Widogast - Wulfric to keep Wulf, Kirchoff comes from Church for his worship of the Raven Queen. Astrid is Isolde Siegrun, for ‘Isa’/‘Asa’ and Siegrun meaning Rune of Victory. Caleb only refers to them by the nicknames when alone, so going forward I want to shift towards that to make it less confusing, but Essek/M9 only know the aliases....yeah this was maybe too much thought. What can I say. I like my canon compliance.

Kirchoff hands it over to Widogast, who holds it aloft, and Essek reaches up to grab the handles, grasping it between them.

This is the core ritual of the wedding and the peace. I wanted to parallel the iconic Caleb throne room scene. But he’s got more power, here, they’re equals - if anything, Essek’s got the lower status, because he’s being shoved into the game.

The last time he held this beacon, he had stolen it, whisked it away to enemy lands to experiment on it, sparked a bloody war, cost the lives of agents and soldiers and civilians on both sides.

Emphasizing that, even without Caleb, this is an Essek who made his heel-face turn.

“The Light shines upon you,” the Dusk Captain says, “as on us all - may it guide us from the dark, unto the truth.”

Counterpoint to the Erathis bit; one to the Empire, one to the Dynasty. They don’t need a king speech about peace and marriage - they don’t really do weddings, after all - they just need the beacon.

Also, to highlight that Quana - and everyone in the Dynasty - is completely unaware of Essek’s treason. It isn’t a jab at his lies. It feels like one anyways.

It would be the easiest thing in the world, to teleport away, right now. At the highest level, the chances of the Assembly counterspelling were low. He could run, run from it all, find some forgotten corner of the world to complete the research.

Essek may be a face, but it’s tempting. Nothing like willingly being handed the thing you conspired to steal. Of course, this plan would likely end in his execution, but realism can’t break the fantasy.

He hands the beacon over to Verin, to place in the case once more, and hopes whatever lapse, whatever hesitation, passes off as mere religious fervor.

A deliberate Eodwulf-Caleb-Essek-Verin chain/parallel here.

If Widogast notices - if he has any hesitation, watching the second, final beacon vanish from his grasp - he shows no signs of it. Essek wishes that could give him comfort.

This line is the core of the fic. I have thought about it, but really...I don’t think I can show Caleb’s POV, not for a while at least, because the question is...who is he? what are the blumentrio really up to? why turn on Ikithon, why hand over the beacon, why end the war? Goodness of their hearts, or another plan up their sleeves?

And, what Essek is most concerned with: do they know his role? Do they suspect? Or is Vess de Rohan the only one who still knows.

The priest steps back to the center, and, with only half a second delay, Essek raises his hands to meet Widogast’s, to hold them. The sensation of skin against his is like a shock - and he’s grateful that his exposure to the Mighty Nine has weaned him of that, that he has no reaction.

Essek is touch starved.

He keeps his eyes on Widogast, as the priest begins to read out the marriage requirements, hands resting over theirs clasped. It’s an inane, mostly symbolic list, but the most important, most binding one, comes last.

“-til death do you part?”

Exandrian vows probably aren’t the same as American. But there’s nothing more dramatic than swearing to the death.

They both have a very simple (well, simple, not easy) way out.

“I do,” Essek says, and it’s no small effort to force his voice to match the volume of the priests, to not catch in his throat.

He repeats the same for Widogast, who answers just as cleanly, an echoing, “I do.”

First words either say. Again, happening to them, not by them.

By force of will, Essek is making sure no one sees any signs he’s nervous or uncertain. Caleb is the same.

“Then, by the powers vested in me, by god, king, and country, I pronounce you - wed!”

Roman pietas was in my head for god/king/country.

Below, the crowds rise, not quite cheery excitement, but the sound of applause filling the chapel. He turns to the side, facing the crowd and looking out at them in full for the first time, bracing himself on the sight of the Mighty Nine, risen and whooping from the front row.

Standing on the dais, it’s just him, Caleb, Wulf, Verin, the priest, and the Dusk Captain. Enough to forget theirs a whole crowd - tight angle, this is just the two of them.

But they aren’t alone, it’s a show. And a successful one at that.

He’s still holding Caleb’s hand - no, Widogast is holding his hand - not gripping it, not tightly, but not letting go, either. It wasn’t one of the things brought up, in the highly detailed description of how the ceremony would take place - maybe a slip, the Empire forgetting that they didn’t do weddings, much less ones of this style - maybe a last-minute choice, trying to better signify unity before the crowds - maybe a personal decision, not wanting to let go for whatever reason.

Neither is quite ready to let go just yet. It’s easier to have someone to brace yourself against, even if you don’t trust them. Not wanting to admit it, Essek justifies. Clearly this is either a Dwendalian tradition they forgot to mention or Caleb making a political move.

Best not to dwell on it. In unison, they both step forward, down the center aisle, the line of people trailing after them.

Or, maybe not. But Essek isn’t going to let himself think about romance. He doesn’t need to like Caleb. He just needs to survive.

#ask meme #tower of shattered glass #cr fic #ficblogging

[utilitycaster]

Wizard breakdown tracker week 2: episode 132

Welcome again to the post in which I assess how close the various wizard NPCs of Exandria are to Losing It, an exercise in reminding me that though things may seem dark now, one day Trent Ikithon will be brought to justice, which is the fun euphemism I have for “zero hit points and also on fire”.

I suspect we’re really only going to see Essek for a while such that this may eventually become a space for real thoughts on Essek, wildly speculative thoughts on the volstrucker wizards, Allura/Kima domestic fluff, and elaborate jokes about Eadwulf’s name and Yussa’s predicament, but I am committed.

As a reminder: Caleb Widogast is not eligible due to being a PC. Wizard NPCs for whom I have no updates, whether it’s because they have not appeared recently or simply because I don’t find them interesting enough; my deepest apologies to the Oremid Hass stans.

Someone in my notes from last week’s post asked where Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk was. The answer is that he is in a gem. Hope this helps.

Archmage of Antiquities Lady Vess DeRogna is still dead.

Ludinus Da’leth: with Yussa (hopefully temporarily) out of the running he’s suddenly feeling more confident in his chances at winning Wildemount’s Least Fucks Given competition but doesn’t know why, and with Jester in the north a sudden sense of peace has come upon him.

Conclusion: 0/10. He’s taking a nap in his tower in a sunbeam like an evil cat as we speak.

Trent Ikithon: It’s only been a day or so since Caleb delivered what is truly probably the sickest burn he’s ever experienced; this man probably doesn’t care about 99% of what people say to him but Caleb saying he’s not the biggest thing on his mind? That’s gonna hit. Also presumably the trail went cold after Nicodranas, in more ways than one.

Conclusion: 5/10 and simmering; by the time the Nein return to civilization he should be about ready to explode.

Essek Thelyss: While it’s only been a few hours honestly I think he’s already doing better. He’s in a weird freezing ruin and there was a fight with another one coming, but he’s being useful! He’s been given trust and friends! He got to show off a lot of very cool spellcasting! Also have you ever been super anxious and your friends, rather than trying to talk through anything, are just incredibly fucking weird to the point where it takes your mind off things because what is happening even? That’s the mood. Oh and also, he may still be worried about the Assembly bearing down on him but I have to imagine Yasha’s display of swordcraft is helping.

Conclusion: 7/10. To paraphrase Caduceus there’s a certain baseline of happiness when you’re in a freezing ruin full of brown mold, but the distraction is welcome.

Astrid Beck: It’s tough that she’s offscreen because like, her mental state is going to be governed heavily by Trent’s but specifically if he seems on to her. Also while my bets are against the volstrucker trying to teleport into the ruins of Aeor she’s probably going to be in a worse state if she might have to face Caleb again.

Conclusion: holding at 8/10 until further notice.

*Black Francis voice* I believe in Mr. Eadwulf Grieve: *sits backwards on chair* Look, son/daughter/child, we all at some point in our lives project a lot of things on to a mysterious but intriguing NPC. Your Verins; your Urayas; your Vandrans. Mine? Well, mine is a wizard whose name we don’t entirely know how to spell and who we mostly know is strong and likes the Raven Queen and was not exactly the third wheel we long believed him to be. Anyway, I like to imagine Eadwulf as a calming presence, with Astrid the more-high-strung leader, albeit calming presence because he immediately gets drunk after stressful situations.

Conclusion: I’m going to say 4/10. I think he’s one of those people who’s like, super smart but also when the problem is not directly in front of him he’s like well nothing to be done now.

Pumat Sol: Much as I love him, no updates for now and he will probably be moved to the “not recently seen” group. I hope a heavily disguised Yeza has stopped by though for more top toys after one of the mobsters got really into it.

Conclusion: 1/10, respectfully.

Allura Vyesoren: She is assuming at this point no news is good news, which will change after a few days, but also Lady Kima keeps busting in with a sword the size of herself yelling “I JUDGE THEE, MAGICIAN”

Conclusion: holding at 3/10.

Yussa Errenis: WE BUILT THIS CITY! WE BUILT THIS CITY ON WIZARD’S SOULS!

Congrats on the gender, sorry about...you know.

Conclusion: to ℵ-null and ℵ-null and beyond/10. In related news I am submitting a bug reports to both Tumblr and Google Docs for not accounting for the outlier formatting case of Cardinality Georg.

#as mentioned elsewhere nothing is funnier than just calling Ikithon Tront #but puns on other wizards' names are very funny #critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #your music references this week were Mr. Grieves by the Pixies and We Built This City by Jefferson Starship

[vethbrenatto]

Top 5 things meme: things you'd like to see in a CR campaign 3

I reblogged this ask game and totally forgot to answer yesterday, so here it is in no particular order:

Sam playing a spellcaster - As far as RP goes, Sam is obviously one of my favorite players, I’m a huge Veth and Scanlan stan. While Veth is my favorite character, I think that Sam shines as a spellcaster. Some of Scanlan’s combat moves in C1 are the most crazy and amazing moments of the campaign, so I’d really like to see Sam back in a primary caster role.

Marquet - I loved VM’s short stint in Marquet in C1 and I’d love to see a campaign set in Marquet. Even if it’s not set there, I’d love to see them travel there for some reason or another, maybe for an extended period of time, because at this point I don’t see the M9 having any reason to be Marquet. So, I’d love to see C3 dive a little deeper into Marquesian culture and what’s going on there.

Full-Campaign Ashley - On the assumption that Ashley will still be back full time in C3 like she is now, I cannot wait for Ashley to have a character that’s there nonstop from the beginning. Pike is my favorite C1 character and Yasha has been creeping in my ranks ever since Ashley came back full time. I’d love to see what Ashley can do with a character who’s there without interruption, especially because Yasha was built to be easily removed from the campaign for periods of time, so I’d love to see Ashley design a character without those limitations. 

Future C2 Cameos - This is speculation, but if C3 jumps forward in time the same way M9 did, some of my favorite C2 moments are getting little insights into what’s up with VM or Tal’Dorei. We just visited Kima/Allura and I can’t wait for moments like that. Maybe the C3 cast bumps into Yussa or Essek or something like that, that would be amazing.

New intro pairings! - Okay, so to explain this, I love the intro pairs that the cast came in with in C2. And by that I mean, who knew each other before.  I’m talking Caleb/Veth, Fjord/Jester/Beau, Molly/Yasha. Those initial pairings and groupings have ended up being some of my favorite campaign dynamics. They’re also very much the expected and what makes sense as far as the players go (Sam/Liam are best friends, etc). I’d love to see new initial pairings and backstories. Give me Sam/Travis characters having some sort of backstory together. Give me Marisha/Laura, or Ashley/Liam. Anything new really, I can’t wait to see how they’ll start things off.

Ask me my “Top 5″ anything!

#ask #ask game #marginaliana

[makeawisdom]

One of the arguments I keep seeing against Essek is that he knows his actions would end up in a war and it will mean the death of thousands of people but... Not really??

I mean, he's not stupid. I'm sure he contemplated the possibility and he did it anyway, because his pursuits were more important to him than a war that may or may not happen. Is that selfish af? Of course it is! Essek is selfish, y'all! That's why he's neutral evil! But there is a difference between: "I know for a fact this will happen, but I don't f*cking care" and "This might happen, but it might happen as well even if I don't do anything, so I'll take the risk because it's worthy". Not that I agree with him. I've never met an Essek Stan that thinks he's in the right, btw. I can think that this is super f*ck up and still like Essek as a character because he is complicated. If you don't like him, that's ok for me, but don't oversimplified him just to make your point. Please, let nuance characters be nuance, I'm begging you.

#critical role #campaign 2 #essek thelyss #text post #meta

[readbythestarlight]

c2e128

On hi Gale!

"Boyfriend? Ugh!" xD

I NEED THE SHIRT IMMEDIATELY

Oh lord here we go.........

Oh Jesus okay here we go

I’m worried about Caleb here. Just, being faced with Trent like this, in this place especially, and being back in a corner

[[MORE]]

Goddddddddd

SHIT

god I’m shaking

Counterspell counterspell

God RUN YOU FOUR RUN

Someone hug him

FUCK OFF IKATHON

HOW IS HE DOING THIS

Using message?

"I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to you yet"

No babes he’s not talking to you

Fuck you Trent

Veth being surprised they actually succeeded Lol

Give one to Essek plz

Attunment sigh

Veth honey do you not have a key to the house

Fuck OFF TRENT

I’m going to crawl through my screen and tear him apart

Oh no

Now the assembly is gonna be after them for sure

Carrots are immune to scrying it’s canon

Also fuck they shouldn’t have gone to Veth’s house

Caleb... babe......

Fuck now he knows about the

Oh no

"I have my theories about where you might have learned" don’t TOUCH my other boy Trent I WILL personally fuck you up

And he knows about Vess too great

YES be worried for Essek

Please check on him

Caleb is shaking so bad

Babe

And now if something happens to Essek Caleb will blame himself for that this is NOT what I want

Okay good, good, reassure him

"I am responsible for your family. And yours. And you."

"And I worry... that I am... the very thing he told me I was."

"Not yet. Not yet."

"You did good. You got what we needed."

Good, reassure him.

Oh no she did talk about her mom to the guard fuck

"He was looking at you with puppy dog eyes?"

"Oh my god Fjord he loved me so much."

Jester is gonna send her to the Gentleman xD

"I think we’ve done enough damage today." Taliesin xD

Okay seriously huh Caleb please

Also I’m Shadowgast trash so I hope something comes from this

One to all family members and then one for Essek good

Hn I get Fjord’s point tho being near the ocean isn’t good for him personally

Veth and Yeza are literally just so wholesome and cute

Divine Intervention okayyyy

Artagan left her on read lol

Awww Yasha talking to the Stormlord

Whatcha so nervous about, babe?

Jester trying to help Yasha out is so sweeeeeet

Artagan is SUCH a dork I love him

Oh no

It’s THOSE crystals

Caleb is fucked UP right now y’all need to take care of this boy

God this is fucked up fucking fuck

Genuinely when is it going to be time to kill Trent

Taliesin xD

I miss whispers pandemic will be over WHEN

Awwwww god I love their reunions

Oh god poor Marion

I hate this

"What have you done?"

Noooooo

"I’m not angry I’m just—I just worry about you."

I’m crying it’s fine

We stan supportive family members

Uncle Caleb

Fjord you dork xD

Be careful Blud buddy

Oh Fjord, what have you done you goober

Anyway I’m nervous about those two

I need to sleep ugh

Anyway can we briefly talk about how Veth is apparently planning to leave the group after Aeor

Not that I can blame her but that’s gonna be SAD

Anyway I’m glad they’re gonna take a calm "let’s talk to them" approach

"Making’ my way downthestairs" I love how they always burst into that song

Ooooo Jester going in disguise as mom, that could be risky

Stop fucking calling him Bren

Wait

Astrid??

Is it Astrid and Wulf??

Holy shit and they’re WARNING him??

Oh god oh god oh fuck

This is bad

"Trent is, um... frustrated" Trent can choke

"And I hope we don’t meet again."

They’re helping him and I’m baffled yet glad

Oh man... poor Jester, she’s gonna be so upset with herself for mentioning her mom

I know Cad doesn’t go for it, but I’m gonna forever believe Wulf has a bit of a crush on Cad

They’re helping Caleb specifically which is giving me some hardcore feelings

Blud should go with them too if he wants, he can help keep Marion safe

Also god I can’t wait for the Gentleman to open the door and see all this happen

Who is it who is

Oh another one?? How are Astrid and Wulf going to lie about being there if there’s a

Mother FUCKER I KNEW IT

Veth honey be careful

Don’t go in don’t go in they WILL catch you

Okay good

Time to GO

I hate the idea of splitting up but time to go time to GO

God I’m so fucking stressed

I hope Yussah is willing to help them

And NOW we go to break

L: "we’ve played this game for years! It’s make believe! I’m so scared!!"

They can track Yeza, and also probably Marion

Please Yussah be willing to help them I’m begging

Wentsworth is a good boy at least I like him

How is Marion?? Is she okay?

Oh sweetie

Hardcore agoraphobia poor dear

Caduceus you’re such a sweetheart

Also Cad is scared too he sounds so tense

He’s in the

He’s out of town?

HE’S GONE DRAGON HASNT HE

He

He went to the WHAT

I love that he’s trying to help I guess but that makes me vaguely nervous

Aw not dragon, what a shame

Oh sure Jester there’s no way THAT could go wrong

If y’all get Yussah’s tower fucked up he’s gonna be so pissed

Using unknown magic is probably not your smartest choice rn

Wait can’t Beau just read any language? I thought that was a monk thing

Okay okay okay

I really wanted Blud to come with them :(

Plane shift oh dear

Y’all don’t need to plane shift how will you get back again??

Can y’all then get back after resting?

And it’s not even big enough for all of them

And also like they could just end up getting stuck fighting things they don’t have spells for

Caleb shut the fuck up

Thank you for putting that down immediately, Cad and Veth

Sewers gross

Why don’t you all just go to the sewers and hide out and get to a ship and go

I don’t like splitting up I don’t like splitting up I don’t like splitting up!!

Like they’d be split up for at least a few days right? And I don’t like it

Hide them in the ball???

I was thinking that, Veth! Not that it’s a good idea but I just so hate splitting up

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck I’m so STRESSED

oh fuck

FUCK

NO

Who is at the DOOR

Right it’s like reverse Narnia

No Matt now you’re backwards xD

They’ve all confused themselves now with the time ball

So you’re gonna send the family to the fire plane instead??

Fuck fuck fuck GO

Yussah’s gonna be so pissed if someone breaks into his tower because of them while he’s looking for answers for him

Aw Fjord’s and Jester’s little goodbye “be safe” moment

Fuckfuckfuck

I’m so fucking stressed

Can y’all believe the happy fun ball has become such a useful thing?

FUCKING NO

NOOOOO

NOOOOOOO BITCH

Goddddddd

I can’t breathe

“It’s like Rolf in Sound of Music” except Rolf betrayed them

I’m SCARED y’all god like I’m literally so stressed out

Is it Thursday yet??

God I hope Yussah is safe and that the Assembly doesn’t hurt him or steal any of his stuff

And Wentsworth too

#critical role #cr spoilers #emi watches critical role

[americankimchi]

critical role for the fandom ask meme?

the first character i ever fell in love with: vax “in the darkness i say. FUCK.” ildan. also the escapade in i want to say like episode 4 or 5 when he and scanlan go undercover to throw a bucket of shit on an illithid and it fucking WORKED like...... when i say i fell in love right then and there,,,

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: veth lmao yikes. also kash bc i have never seen anyone character assassinate their own character but i guess there’s a first time for everything

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: anything with caleb in it sans shadowgast bc i can and will carry this torch into the grave, beauyasha, fs in chat for percildan, molly ships in general, beaujester if only bc it makes me very bitter

my ultimate favorite character™: VAX’ILDAN LASTNAME I CARE YOU BITCH

prettiest character: vax’ildan and no i will not be taking questions at this time

my most hated character: sips tea. t*berius.

my OTP: vaxmore i’ll never fucking forget you

my NOTP: v/xleth..... cute concept, abyssmal execution. also w/dojest bc nah. kash/hra bc u cannot go from calling someone ur sister and then turn around and say that ur in a relationship like..... bro............ also widomauk bc it was cute at the beginning and then you couldn’t go two steps into fandom without knocking into a widomauk post/fic on ao3 and yeah. tiring.

favorite episode: when will anything make me feel the way 52/kill box made me feel...... oh the adrenaline in 79/thordak before the hiatus + vax’s lack of brain cells turned the fandom space into a warzone lololo

saddest death: idk man they were all kinda dramatically entertaining. i guess the saddest death was my interest in season 2 AYYYYYYYYY

favorite season: season 1 stans RISE

least favorite season: there’s only two right now so by elimination.....

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: do people actually like veth anymore bc if they do then veth

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: can i answer vax for this one too bc honestly,,, if i can’t then uhhhh i guess essek

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: pike bc the entire fandom slept on her. OH AND GROG TOO LIKE CAN WE PLEASE PUT SOME RESPECT ON THIS MAN. also jester bc she went from potentially interesting character to fodder for shipping discourse which....... rip lmao

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: god what even fits for this prompt. nothing comes to mind so im skippin this one lol.....

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: fjorester. can’t think of any other ships that i like but don’t really engage with.... fjord ships in general i guess hfgjkdhjfgkd i’m just really tired thinking about cr2 shipping in general

#honestly i'm tired thinking about cr2 full stop #oh take me back 2 the start........ #not gonna maintag bc i aint wanna invite Discourse #anon #ask #long post

[seafleece]

i’m trying to collect my thoughts on this, and i’m still pretty reticent to post everything i’m thinking, but overall liam’s bit on talks feels like a pretty good microcosm of why i dislike w*dojes in general:

-i think liam mentioning it first on talks (and i do think somewhat that it indicates he doesn’t intend to pursue it) has the effect that talks always has when a concept is introduced there before in an episode: it artificially changes parts of the show and artificially recontextualizes character relationships without events in the show actually supporting it. there’s a lot of jokes about the show being scripted. if liam’s intention was to introduce w*dojes as something he intends to pursue, then introducing it on the ooc talk show before it comes up in canon (and it hasn’t, by the way, but more on that later) will shape future events in canon without actually creating that change in canon. by exposing it to fans BEFORE any canon events relating to it, fans will expect laura and/or jester to respond, when jester’s interest in caleb has never been expressed, not once (again, more on that). this is why largely i think that liam doesn’t intend to pursue widojes, and largely why him introducing it this way as something he wants to happen Sucks

-liam mentioning fjord as a current viable option for jester doesn’t reflect jester’s character in the present tense. jester’s crush on fjord has already been explained as a way for jester to develop as a character, and it’s been dormant (if not dead, as i think it is) for months, if not over a year. the recontextualization of this campaign as “top table is in love with jester” and artificially creating the Race for Jester’s Heart 2k20, imo, does jester a HUGE disservice as a complicated character. laura has already talked about how jester’s crush on fjord was the idealized product of how she grew up and her view of what relationships were, and has explicitly expressed the desire for people to view jester as more than a romantic interest (which, by the way, shouldn’t have to be something she had to ask fans to do).

-attraction on one side does not a relationship make. caleb may be in love with jester, but he has never clearly expressed this in canon (unless you, as a lot of w*dojes stans want to do, count frowning as attraction). he never says jester’s name in that convo with yasha, and actually, i’m willing to bet that based on ashley’s other reactions, yasha was referring to either nott or astrid. much more importantly, jester has never expressed interest in caleb. the largest tendency of w*dojes ppl i’ve seen on here is to completely bypass that fact.

-(this is more of a descriptor of fanon, but this is the fanon that liam talking about this on talks is unintentionally bolstering) w*dojes as a relationship, especially how a lot of people on here frame it, relies really heavily on some really awful ideas like the manic pixie dream girl stereotype, infantilizing caleb via his trauma and neurodivergence to somehow lessen the age gap, and placing jester on a pedestal as someone who will “fix” caleb. it also tries to reframe jester’s upbringing as somehow making her more mature, when in canon and in talks it’s been shown to have stunted jester’s view of relationships overall. caleb is closer to twice jester’s age than to her age, and the two methods i’ve seen of attempts to bypass this are “caleb is mentally younger because he’s autistic-coded and traumatized” and “jester is more mature than her age because her mother does sex work”.

-i don’t really want to get into a drawn-out discussion of how this echoes last campaign, but there’s a reason people joke about matt constantly offering liam’s characters queer love interests that he abandons in lieu of m/f relationships that border on feeling obligatory, and i’ll leave it at that.

-equating all of the top table’s relationships (or lack thereof) with jester does a huge disservice to both jester and to jester’s relationship with beau. jester has actually expressed significant attachment to beau, to spending time with her, to being roommates, to healing beau specifically even though she’s also expressed her desire to do things other than heal in combat. she and beau have actually said they love each other, and continue to do so; beau has expressed romantic interest in jester in canon first; jester has spent big chunks of the last few episodes worried about beau, checking in on beau, getting angry at the idea of beau leaving, expressing anxiety about beau avoiding her, reaching out to her specifically about joining the traveler-- “there is chaos in your heart and i love you?”-- and doing none of this when they were in rexxentrum? and specifically pushing caleb on whether he likes essek and if essek likes him? i just. if this were a m/f relationship, people wouldn’t be putting fj*res or w*dojes on equal footing. at the very least, liam acknowledges that caleb knows jester’s closer to beau, but. you can’t just ignore the very organically developing queer relationships, shadowgast And beaujes, that creating w*dojes from one conversation erases.

-i’ve mentioned elsewhere, but being a queer person watching potential queer relationships play out as written by straight people, part of the excitement is fear, and good lord did liam on talks tonight stoke that fear. if he doesn’t intend to pursue it, great, but it made me afraid and the amount of responses and conversations i’ve had in the few hours since i posted about it are a good indicator that i’m not the only one who feels afraid.

#aight i'm done #don't @ me about getting mad at cast and please think about it #please #fleece.txt #critical role #cr spoilers #anti widojest #anti w*dojes #talks machina #and please god don’t @ me about this being a ship war or whatever #please engage in critical thought

[cadaceus]

C2E117

In the second and final part of this week’s Critical Role Catch Up Binge™, the Mighty Nein...... do many things and all of them are chaotic (as is expected now, I feel like.) There are EVEN MORE exciting things added to the Eiselcross Arc and I really can’t wait to see where it goes from here! My liveblogging is below the cut, as are spoilers :)

- “We had very... fond feelings” Aw, Fjord

- “So you felt for this empty speck?” / “It’s hard to feel contempt for something that doesn’t really matter” LUCIEN IS SO SAVAGE STOP

- Liam using they/them pronouns for Molly makes me very happy  🥺

- “Unfinished business” What unfinished business, Mr The Nonagon sir  👀

- Nine eyes for the nine Betrayer gods.... was this sight somehow given to him by them? Is his ‘destiny’ to release these gods??

- The entire Tomb Takers party saying “Be our guests” in unison is so creepy, I love it

- Yasha going “I’m gonna eat you~” to Spider!Caleb is peak comedy, I love her

- I am cracking up at the fact that Veth is like, Dagen’s one-woman cheer squad over here dfghjdkl DAGEN HYPE CREW ROLL OUT

- Fjord’s face when Jester asks “How are you?” I’m softttt  🥺

- SABIAN IN DARKTOW LMAOOOOO 

- But in all seriousness, I want to meet Sabian so bad, he’s such an important part of Fjord’s backstory and I feel like that confrontation will be so necessary for Fjord to have later on, in order to truly let go and “close past chapters” like he said

- Fjord: “Are we gonna take Vess’s body and tell them she died a long time ago or...?” Dagen, halfway through eating his slice of bug pie: Vess’s what now.

- I feel so bad for Dagen he looks so stressed out dfghjkls

- “Molly drew this card for you, Caleb” pls I hurt

- Yasha’s soft “he did?” when Jester said Molly drew all of them cards... PLS I HURT

- ESSEK IS HERE ESSEK IS HERE ADFGHJKSL JKDGDSJ 

- The way that Sam and Marisha just went feral y’all ME TF TOO

- Lucien, Avantika, and Essek are honestly the holy trinity of fatally attractive antagonistic(?) figures like we got the aesthetics, we got the accents, we got the grey morals, what more do we need, be honest (also the fact that ALL THREE of them are in this arc now!!! Matt Mercer we have to stan) 

- you’re gonna get so peded!

- Laura’s “do WE” and Sam’s imitation of it at 3:17:00 are so funny dfghjkljlf 

- 22 POINTS OF COLD DAMAGE RUH ROH

- Not a TPK please ohmygodfghjklj

- The amount of times Polymorph has come in clutch this campaign is literally so funny I love them

- FJORD GETTING BITTEN BY THE BUNNY FAREWELL BFVDUYAKJF

- The Paladin of the Wildmother always gets attacked by nature poor Fjord!!

- The feral energy coming from the top row after the bunny’s one (1) hit point gets taken away is incredible: 

- THE GLITTER FGHFJKLDK

- Travis: “Oh I actually lost sight of [the glitter] for a bit!” Matt: “...It’s in my hand” THIS ENTIRE ENCOUNTER IS PEAK COMEDY LMAO

- A Full Ashley Johnson Uh Oh ™

- Whenever Matt waves at the end I always wave back despite being alone in my room at 11:30pm on this fine Thanksgiving day dfgdhjkldd

- Critical Role has only been gone one (1) week but I already miss them so much, this is one of the disadvantages to being caught up now is that I can’t just binge watch onto the next episode (unless.... Vox Machina time finally? Who can say  👀)

#this episode has everything. we have sabian in darktow. we have essek in aeor. we have GLITTER TURTLES??? #seriously their chaos makes me giggle even during a really hard/stressful week dfghjklfjf #love them thank you for the free serotonin crit role cast and crew #critical role #c2e117 #cr2 #my liveblogs #cr spoilers

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

Tangled (In Complexity)

So I've been very interested in a lot of the psychological features of Essek's character, and one of them is his canonical low-empathy. Essek seems to have a really hard time with empathy as a rule, which makes social interactions extremely fraught for him. I am also a Verin Theylss stan, so of course, I had to write a whole fic exploring these issues. No, I do not believe having low-empathy makes a person evil by any means, but as this story is from Verin's flawed perspective we only get his insights into Essek's behaviors so just keep that in mind when reading.

Enjoy!

Read on AO3

Triggers: emotionally abusive/distant parenting, estrangement, grief, and mentions of canonical minor character death (Essek and Verin’s father)

Preview:

"Don't leave me," Verin begged, fingers pressed to the wood of the door, and yanking the knob to no avail. "Please, it'll get me, Mama!"

"Verin, you will stay in your room until you overcome this idiotic fear," his mother shouted, and Verin flinched back from the door. "We are drow , what kind of drow is afraid of the dark?"

"Mama, Mama no!" Verin sobbed curling tight into himself. He could hear her footsteps as they echoes down the hallway and disappeared. He screwed his eyes shut. The room seemed to shrink in his panic. The shadows at his closet seemed to grow. The panic that had been gnawing at Verin's gut since his history lesson that day seemed to grow stronger. There was only his desperate heartbeat in his ears, the scent of snuffed candles, and thick shadows. In the dark there were the monsters that he had been told about. He didn't understand why his mother couldn't understand. If he was alone in the dark, then the driders and beholders and the other creeping crawling monster would be able to find him and hurt him!

There was no choice then. If his mother wouldn't help him than Verin knew that he would have to save himself.

Verin looked about, seeing his window and realizing it was his golden opportunity. He jumped up on his chair, onto his desk, and then attempted to open the window. It didn't budge. Seeing the lock at the top, Verin climbed down to his bookshelf and began bringing books over to his desk. Using them to boost himself up and using all his strength, he heard the lock creak and pop, the window opening out to the courtyard. He nearly fell out right there but managed to catch his balance with a startled yelp.

Verin ducked, his heart in his throat. He had been so desperate to escape that he hadn’t thought of any of the consequences. Mother would come, she would know and the punishment would be worse. But would that punishment be worse than the creatures that were surely waiting for him to trance? It was a risk he was willing to take. A minute passed, and then two. No one crossed the courtyard. In fact, no one appeared at all. However, from one of the rooms he saw the light of a candle. Verin, gathering all of his courage, lowered himself out of the window and then sprinted across the yard as quickly as his legs would take him. He grabbed a stick, and began to rap at the window. Mid-hit, the window opened and Verin heard Essek swear as he swatted the branch away.

"Stop!" Essek snapped and Verin dropped the stick. Essek was sticking his head out of the window now, glaring down at Verin with a heat that made Verin shrink with a leaf now stuck in his hair. "What are you doing ?"

"Mother locked me in my room," Verin said, gripping the edge of the window and desperately scrabbling for a foothold so he could boost himself up. "And she took all the lights away! Essek, please, the driders are going to get me!"

"You are being ridiculous! Hey! Stop, you are going to hurt yourself!" Essek said, and to Verin's relief Essek grabbed his shirt and pulled him up through the window. Verin was sprawled on Essek's desk, looking at Essek's glower from an interesting angle. A book had fallen, and he had scattered papers all over the place. Despair came thick and shameful. Now Essek definitely wouldn’t help him, he would carve him up and serve him to their mama on a golden platter.

"Don't make me go back, Essek, she'll lock me away again," Verin sniffed, eyes burning. Essek's face twisted for a moment, he looked out the window and closed it, moved to the door and stuck his head out and closed it in turn. He planted his hands on his hips, and then groaned after finding whatever answer he was looking for on the ceiling.

"Oh fine, very well," Essek sighed, helping Verin off the desk and straightening out his things. "I'll put you to work then."

Verin nodded eagerly, his heart full of a crippling relief. Being put to work was far better than dealing with the dark, cold, lonely bedroom before. Essek had never assigned Verin chores or punishment before, but whatever he wanted couldn't have been as bad as the quiet room. Essek was distant and quiet and mean on occasions that suited him, but at least he always kept his promises.

"Hold this for me," Essek said, taking the blanket spread out over his legs and draping it over Verin's shoulders. "I'm getting too hot."

Verin nodded and curled it around his shoulders.

"Now I'm going to read, you stay quiet," Essek told him, standing up and pulling a book from the shelf. It was cracked along the backbone, well-used and annotated with his brother's scrawl. He settled it at the center of the desk, pushing away the massive tome he had been using after marking the page he had been on.

"I will!"

" Quiet , Verin."

"Oh! Right, sorry!" Verin whispered, curling the blanket more firmly around himself. He felt tiny in the huge chair, and didn't quite know what to do with his legs and arms. He settled for tucking them underneath himself and leaning against the arm. Essek began reading aloud.

"Dunamists have long held that gravity is the force by which a planet or other celestial body draws objects towards their center. The force of gravity keeps the celestial bodies in orbit around the sun," Essek read, voice quietly. "The manipulation of this force is called Dunamancy, and this concept of drawing towards the center is the most basic principle of the practice."

"Mm," Verin sighed, head heavy.

"The existence of gravity was first proven by which scholar, Verin?"

"Narcelia of Den Gallaer," Verin grumbled, remembering the list and his tutor who smelled like old parchment and smoke. He remembered because he had gotten his knuckles hit for doodling during that lesson, and his mother hadn’t been pleased.

"Correct, and she discovered gravity by completing a sequence of tests that started…"

Essek read, and occasionally asked Verin questions. He never once looked at Verin, and yet Verin could sense he had Essek's attention. And that was enough. After all, a drider couldn't get the jump on him if someone was paying attention. He tried to stay awake, to listen so that he could help Essek. He wasn't sure exactly what he had wanted help with, but he knew he could. He could be of use somehow. Essek would see that, and then Essek would see him . He couldn’t imagine something better than that, after all, everyone knew that Essek was a genius. If Essek saw him, maybe Verin could be special one day and not just a bother.

Just one moment, Verin thought to himself as his heavy eyes closed. I'll just rest for a moment. Essek won't be mad if it's just for a moment and it was so difficult to keep his eyes open and…

Verin drifted into a trance, and even deeper into sleep . When he awoke he was in his own bed, and the only proof it hadn't been a dream was the unlocked door and the closed window.

_____________________________

Verin was in the midst of a well needed rest when he was startled out of his trance by a Message. This was his least favorite way to wake up for multiple reasons, but it was especially unwelcome as his foggy brain began to put together the pieces of the words as they filtered in.

“Taskhand, your presence is being requested by your Denmother and the Shadowhand. You will be expected at the residence tomorrow evening.”

“Very well, I’ll leave Bazzoxan tomorrow,” Verin said, before waiting for the spell to fizzle out. He sighed and collapsed back down in his bed, once he was safe.

“ What ?” Samezi groaned from where she was laying on the bed next to him. Her head popped out from under the covers, and she blinked at him slowly.

“My presence has been requested at the Theylss Residence tomorrow evening,” Verin said, adopting an exaggerated Rosohna accent.

“You aren’t going are you?” Samezi asked, concerned, sitting up straight. Verin wished they could just go back to sleeping, with his arms around her and soaking in her warmth and her scent and burying his face in her braids. When Verin didn’t answer she swore under her breath in orcish. “You can’t be serious Verin.”

“I can’t refuse a summons from my Denmother,” Verin explained, pulling himself up and resting against the rickety backboard of his bed. He had gutted most of the belongings of the previous Taskhand, the velvet curtains and the feather down, when he got there and salvaged them for extra coin. One of his first orders of business was putting every spare coin back into the barracks where it belonged. He had no access to the vast fortune his family commanded, after all, he was the youngest son.

“You mean your mother,” Samezi said, not sounding impressed. “That woman .”

“Yes, my mother, the Denmother, Deirta there is no difference,” Verin said noncommittal though just mentioning her made something curdle in his gut. “I have to go, no matter how much I wish not to. The Shadowhand will be there, which means it’s something important.”

“Please, consider just...just refusing,” Samezi said, the worry settling like a weight between her brows. “You know how you get after seeing them.”

“You mean, feeling like I’m making nothing of my life? Please, elaborate.”

“Really Verin,” Samezi said quietly, touching his arm with a softness that gentled the sharp edges of his heart. “They are incapable of seeing what we all see. You are the only Taskhand we’ve liked probably in the history of the outpost. There’ll be chaos if that woman skins you and eats your organs or whatever she’s planning.”

“You don’t think she just wants to see me perhaps? I’ve heard I’m decent company,” Verin said, fluttering his eyelashes. He leaned to give Samezi a kiss and she batted him away half-heartedly.

“I’m being serious,” Samezi warned him, her fingers combing through Verin’s hair.

“At ease, sergeant,” Verin said with a salute before sighing and leaning back against the pillows. “I know, you’re right. But I’m sure it’s just something about politics now that the war is over. I’ll go there, have dinner, and come back. If something else happens, I give you permission to send a search party. Make to avenge me, also, burn all those letters I sent you. They are in a lockbox in my desk.”

“You are horrible ,” Samezi said. “But fine, but only if they kill you before I do.”

“Good, give me something to look forward to when I get home,” Verin said with a smile of his own.

He arrived the next evening back to his hometown through the use of their teleportation circle. Rosohna was dark and beautiful as always, after arriving he spent a little bit of time stretching his legs and getting a feel for the city that he had grown up in once more. The mood was much improved since his last visit, owed in part to the return of the beacons and to the end of the war. In general though, it felt like the city was teetering on another edge. Though it had little to do with him, he was sure that the direction Rosohna would blow would be decided soon enough.

Verin arrived in the Lucid Bastion on time, moving to the Den Theylss ancestral home. Servants acknowledged his presence and he was directed to one of the sitting rooms to await the presence of the Umavi. Verin was let in, and as he crossed the threshold he was immediately aware of another presence. Turning around, he saw Essek perched in a seat with a tome across his lap. He finished his page, not looking up, and once he did he put in a bookmark. Essek curled his fingers in the air and then slipped his book into a pocket dimension, before meeting his gaze. As always, his elder brother was dressed in a mantle and long robes that obscured his figure and he floated off the ground as he was buoyed in his own gravitational field.

"Hello Verin," Essek said pleasantly, head nodding towards him in acknowledgement.

"Essek," Verin said cordially in return, echoing his nod. "How have you been?"

"Busy," Essek answered, his tone non-committal. His attention slid to Verin now for the first time, though Verin wasn't looking at his brother but was instead looking ahead. The weight of his gaze skittered up Verin's neck like a spider and made him want to swat at his own skin. Essek had always had such an effect on everyone they knew. Unnerving , would be the term though it has its limits. Verin had known Essek all of his life...until recently there had been no life without Essek being factored in like some kind of twisted arithmetic, but Verin had no clue what was simmering under the surface of Essek's facade.

"The Denmother's last appointment is running late, it will be a few moments longer," a servant said, bowing deep in apology. Essek waved off the servant who scurried away. Verin sighed through his nose. Of course, his mother would summon him all the way from Bazzoxan and then still find a reason to not speak with him. Typical .

"I hear you have been busy as well," Essek said, and Verin startled at his voice. He had assumed their non-conversation was over and that they would start pretending the other didn't exist again. Apparently Essek wanted something.

"Bazzoxan keeps me on my toes," Verin said suspiciously, feeling his own eyes narrow. "Why?"

"It hasn't escaped my attention that you are doing well there," Essek said, and Verin met his silver gaze. He couldn't say that Essek looked proud, or warm. But instead, the placid mask of his brother was gone and his expression was neutral. "I will admit that the assignment concerned me, but I was glad to be proven wrong."

"You thought I couldn't handle it?" Verin asked, a twinge of indignation pricking him.

"In over your head," Essek clarified, arms shifting beneath the mantle. "But I have heard nothing but good things about your leadership. I'm sure the Umavi is pleased."

"And what do you think?" Verin asked him.

"A Theylss, executing their job proficiently in high places is to be expected," Essek said, looking forward. "You are a Theylss, after all."

"Until you can actually speak about that like I am a Theylss and don't just have to prove myself one, it doesn't feel like you actually think of me as your brother," Verin pointed out.

"You are the only one of our siblings I view as a sibling," Essek said with a blink, looking at Verin more critically. "I thought you knew that."

"I'm pretty sure what you think constitutes loving sibling behavior and what I think constitutes loving sibling behavior are two very different things," Verin said, illustrating the point by holding up two fingers and pulling them apart.

"I don't deny that," Essek said with a shrug. “I am sorry if I made you feel otherwise though.”

Verin was now staring at Essek unabashedly. He wasn’t even sure that he had known that apologies were even part of Essek’s vocabulary (outside of the political niceties that Essek had always been well versed in). Their childhood was scattered with examples Verin could point too-bothered Essek, annoyed Essek, cold Essek. Cold Essek had always been Verin’s least favorite, the one that treated Verin like his existence was a chore he just had to get through. During their sibling arguments, Essek would just simply pretend Verin didn’t exist...the record being for a week straight. Never once had Essek ever apologized for instigating or his part in their disagreements. On occasion, Essek could be considerate, but never kind. There was always a point . Whether it was to curry his favor or to repay a favor, it could be assumed that Essek wanted something. Essek was never apologetic . Verin had half a mind to slap himself, just to make sure he was well.

“Close your mouth or you’ll swallow a spider,” Essek said with a roll of his eyes, and Verin’s mouth closed with a click of his teeth.

“Who are you and what have you done with Essek?” Verin asked suspiciously.

“Stop acting like a child,” Essek told him with a very distinctly Essek huff that relieved Verin slightly. At least he knew that this was indeed his brother and not just a person masquerading around in his flesh suit. Verin was about to say something in that spirit when the servant walked back into the sitting room.

“The Denmother is requesting your presence now,” the servant said with a bow of his head. Essek ghosted in behind him, and Verin followed close behind.

Their mother was sitting at the table, flipping through some papers as she took sips from a glass of wine. As they walked in their mother’s eyes didn’t even flit up from the papers for a moment, she simply waved them in like she was summoning them forward. Verin felt like a child being called in for a scolding again as he moved forward. Essek’s face was a picture of cool indifference. Finally she stopped, clearly having decided that she had made them wait long enough. She set down the papers, and another servant scrambled to take them away.

“Denmother,” Essek greeted, bowing his head in respect, and Verin echoed the movement immediately.

“Essek,” Deirta said, standing up. She seemingly inspected Essek thoroughly. Though they were the same height, Essek was currently floating about an inch or two higher. It was at such moments that Verin was always surprised about how much Essek took after their mother. From the shape of their eyes, to the bridge of their noses, to the sharp lines of their delicate faces. Verin had always been closer in face and continence to their father. He wondered, often, what their mother thought of that. She seemed pleased with whatever she saw there and turned her attention to him. “Verin.”

“Denmother,” Verin said as his mother curled her cold fingers under his chin, and turned his head this way and that. Verin let her manipulate his movements, and was relieved when she let go.

“Would it kill you to keep your hair in order?” Deirta sighed, the breath coming exasperated. “It looks like you took a knife to the edges.”

“I did,” Verin said flatly. Essek made a noise like he was stifling a chuckle, casting a glance towards him Verin could see there was a muscle twitching in his jaw...like he was fighting a grin.

“ Scissors , Verin, are there no scissors in Bazzoxan?” Deirta chastised before casting a scolding glance at Essek. “You don’t have a leg to stand on, considering your ridiculous haircut.”  

“Forgive me, mother,” Essek said with a sweet, almost indulgent smile. “But the teachings of the Luxon do say that our bodies are merely transient vessels. Hair is of middling importance in the grand scheme of enlightenment.”

“Oh Luxon’s light protect me,” Deirta said, throwing up her hands. “Verin, promise me you’ll schedule an appointment to get the ends of your hair sorted out before you leave Rosohna.”  

“Of course,” Verin said, hoping this would be enough to placate her.

“And don’t you give me attitude, young man,” Deirta said, focusing her energy now on Essek with narrowed eyes. “Out of everyone in this household, I am not the one who needs a lecture on the Luxon’s philosophy.”

Verin felt himself tense up, as a pit opened large and wide in his stomach. Oh dear Light, he had thought this argument was over . Was Essek still pursuing his ridiculously dangerous ideas? It was a poorly kept secret that Essek had funny ideas when it came to the Luxon. Treasonous ideas, if Verin was being honest. Essek could never leave well enough alone, and had historically never sucked up his pride enough to let things lay where they were. There had been plenty of nights where Verin had hidden in his room with his head under a pillow and trying not to listen to their parents argue with Essek for hours, going around and around like they were lost in a maze. How many times had Verin prayed for Essek just to drop it? He couldn’t even count.

“Yes, mother,” Essek said simply. Verin stared at him. He didn’t look particularly bothered by their mother’s annoyance. Essek had always had nerves of steel...or maybe deadened nerves would be more accurate. Verin wasn’t quite sure his brother was capable of the emotions that would be expected from a person.  

“Umavi,” a servant said quietly. “The cook would like you to know that dinner is ready whenever you would like it.”

“Very well,” Deirta said, taking her seat back at the head of the table. Essek and Verin both sat at the table, Essek on the left side and Verin on the right. Verin focused solely on keeping his head down and shoveling food into his mouth. He knew rationally that this was all better than anything he would get from the barrack kitchens, but eating dinner late at night with the head cook Old Man Vuto as company was a far superior experience. He hadn’t realized how much so until just that moment. Essek and his mother spoke about the comings and goings of Rosohna, about people that Verin knew tangentially, and business that didn’t interest Verin at all. Essek grazed, picking at his plate but mostly just moving things around.

“-now that the war is over, I am hoping that perhaps Den Wenirila will realize that their insistence on the Northern Assault strategy has done them no favors in court and the Denmother will stop shouting every time she comes into the war room,” Essek sighed.

“Yes...now that the war is over in name, there are plenty of things that need to change,” Deirta said with a sip of her glass. “Now, we must think of the future.”

“Indeed,” Essek said, and Verin placed down his chopsticks. “Is this why you have called us?”

“Yes, to think of the future for Den Theylss and for the Kryn Dynasty as a whole,” Deirta said as she settled down her glass. She waved for the servants who took the plates away and then left them alone. “The Empire has returned the beacon they stole from us, and the lines of our territory remain the same. But if anything this conflict has raised our stature in the world. The Dwendalian Empire cannot pretend that the Dynasty are savage drow and monsters who live in some cursed hovel. They were forced to recognize us. This will send a message to those countries outside of the borders of Wildemount that we are a sovereign state with military power that cannot be discounted when it comes to global politics. According to some we have lost the battle, but I believe that we have won the war. You two are not the first I have called here to discuss this with me, but as Denmother I believe it is my duty to share with all of the den my vision.”

“ Global politics?” Verin asked.

“Who did the Tal’doreians beg for aid when the dragons nearly roasted their civilization into a well-done husk? It certainly wasn’t us. They begged the Dwendalians. And do you know why?” Deirta asked Verin. “Pretend that you paid attention during your history lessons, Verin. I paid good money for them.”  

“Ever since the drow left the Underdark there has been limited contact between the drow and the denizens of Tal’dorei,” Verin said quietly, repeating a lesson he had been taught long ago, trying not to feel as scolded as he did. “The only drow who remain have long since been twisted by Lolth and the dark entities who whisper in their hearts. Neighbors slaughter neighbors in the streets of their subterranean cities and the Denmothers and Denfathers rule with an authoritarian grip. Those who attempt to escape are often killed by once they reach the surface or are forced to live in secret enclaves as refuges without homes."

“That’s right. We used to not exist in their world outside of the horror stories they told their children to keep them from the dark at night, now we do,” Deirta told him, chin raised. “We have a golden opportunity to influence the world in a way we haven’t before.”

“And what would Den Theylss’ role in that influence be?” Essek asked as he threaded his fingers together.

“The Kryn are the rulers, the Mirimm are the enforcers. Theylss has always been the diplomats . You both know as well as I do that Den Theylss has always filled in the gap with everything the Empress needs. We will even do what the Empress doesn’t know she needs, for her own good of course,” Deirta said. “Den Theylss can be that for many others as well, beyond the Ashkeeper Peaks. Perhaps in an official capacity.”

“How?” Verin asked, frowning. “What does the Dynasty have that would make it worthwhile for any other country to risk the ire of the Empire?”

“We have the greatest resource. Time itself,” Deirta said. “I see no reason why our magics cannot benefit the world. Our cousins live in squalor and terror, it is our duty to return to liberate those remaining and make the peoples of Tal'dorei see drow in a new light."  

“You want to convert the other nations,” Essek said, his voice flat. Verin was staring at Deirta unabashedly.

“Of course they should all see the light of the Luxon,” Deirta explained. “It is doubtful they will reach true enlightenment, but why shouldn’t we aim to bring more souls under the protection of our lord? But just the promise of immortality is the most powerful promise there is, and Den Theylss can be the ambassadors for such a promise. Diplomacy is what we need in a post-war world in order to become a world power, not warmongering. If the Empress cannot see that, then we can make Quana see it. She has been the more reasonable one as of late.”

“What are you implying?” Essek asked, for the first time there was an edge in his voice, an eyebrow raised.

“You have only ever been in the war room, Essek. Not in war. Verin has more experience than you in that regard, but still you are both young and inexperienced and still haven’t died a death for your country,” Deirta sighed. “War is a horrible thing. Bloodshed is a horrible thing, and it tends to be unnecessary and gruesome. It tends to bring up all sorts of feelings and instincts.”

“Are you implying that the Empress isn’t well?” Essek pressed.

“If Leylas Kryn doesn’t see things our way, it is our duty to persuade her of the correct course of action no matter the cost,” Deirta said with a smile. “Our country’s motto is for our den, our country, our Empress, and our Light. There is a reason that den is first.”

What does the Luxon see in you? Verin wanted to demand. Deirta wasn’t righteous, she wasn’t good, she was a monster trying to use the Luxon’s light for her own gain. Of course it should be a good thing for the den to work for peace and prosperity for all drow, but somehow she had even managed to taint that goal with her poison. He didn’t understand it. He couldn’t understand it. No matter what he did, how good he could be, somehow they were all just cogs in the machinations of her mind. She just had to have some kind of wisdom that Verin didn’t, some way of understanding that made it all make sense. And yet, Verin still felt sick to his stomach. What they were speaking on was nearly treason.

“I will do my duty to my countrymen,” Verin said as he stood up, gathering all of his courage in his spine. “I am the Taskhand of Bazzoxan. I am a son of Theylss and of you but I consider my obligation to the residents of that city to be my concern first and foremost. Denmother, I will respect your decisions, but I ask that you allow me to continue to prove myself in my own way by following my own path.”

“I see,” Deirta said with a disappointed sigh. “I’m sure I could work out a more profitable assignment here in Rosohna or even in Tal’dorei if the opportunity presents itself.”

“I shall endeavor to work to prove myself by my own merit, though the offer humbles me,” Verin said, bowing deeply.  

“And you, Essek, what do you think?” Deirta asked, her gaze sliding over to Essek.

“Frankly, I don’t particularly care about politics,” Essek said bluntly. “Nor do I care about the conditions of the drow of Tal’dorei. Generations ago they made their bed, and should choose to lie in it. Of course you are right that honor to our den is first and foremost our concern, and should you choose to make moves towards Tal’dorei and beyond I will support you. But I also will advise that this gamble is high risk.”  

“And should it fail, you will abandon the den to it’s fate?” Deirta asked.

“I am the Shadowhand, if it looks like your gamble shall fail I will stop it before it gets to that point,” Essek said.

“Is that a threat, Essek?” Deirta asked him, eyes cold.

“Yes,” Essek said with a smile. “The den is first, as you said. I would think you expect nothing less of me.”

“Essek!” Verin hissed, utterly horrified.

“There aren’t many who would have the audacity to scheme their way into being Denfather upon their first life, especially in a house of an Umavi,” Deirta scoffed.

“I have no interest in being Denfather,” Essek said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “But should the occasion arise I will find a suitable candidate to replace you.”

“Only one of us here is truly replaceable, think long and hard about your recent decisions before you come to the conclusion about who that is,” Deirta warned him, eyes flashing dangerously. Essek’s shoulders squared and his jaw tensed. “Especially considering the company you have been keeping nowadays.”

Verin wanted to laugh at that idea. Essek? Keeping company? It was ridiculous. But based off of Essek’s frigid demeanor it apparently wasn’t a joke considering that if he had looked frigid before he was now clocking in at below freezing.

“I think this conversation is over,” Essek said as he stood up abruptly, there was something dangerous in his gaze. It was something sharp enough that it could make a person bleed.

“Clearly,” Deirta said shortly.

“Verin,” Essek addressed him clearly for the second time that night. “Would you like to stay here, or would you rather stay in my home? I have a guest room prepared.”

Who are you? Verin wanted to ask.

“I’ll take you up on that then,” was what Verin said instead.

________________________________

Verin had never been to Essek’s home. He had received it after Verin’s assignment in Bazzoxan, and there was certainly no reason to come visit his brother. But Essek’s tower reminded Verin much of a graveyard, cold and impersonal. He could imagine clearly his brother haunting the hallways in the middle of the night, a phantom to his own dreams, walking about in patterns as he tried to work through some esoteric problem that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. There were strange things though; there were books slightly out of place, extra papers, knickknacks, and things that told a story that Verin couldn’t quite piece together. The company Essek had been keeping? Their mother’s jab still echoed freshly in his ears. Had Essek been seeing someone their mother hadn’t approved of? Verin just couldn’t see that being the case. As far as Verin knew, Essek had never had any romantic entanglements nor shown an interest in such things.

“You look like you’ve been stewing on something for a while now,” Essek said as he sat down, discarding his mantle thoughtlessly. He was smaller than Verin remembered, thinner too. He looked worn down by whatever was eating at him, until he was nothing but edges and spite. “Go ahead, before your brain explodes.”

“What was mother talking about?” Verin asked directly, seeing no purpose in dancing around the point. “What company?”

“It won’t come as a shock to you,” Essek said with a sigh as he put out glasses and set out the wine. “But I lost the friends I made.”

“Friends?” Verin asked, seizing on that impossible fact.

“I should be insulted by your surprise at that part of my statement, but I know, I was surprised too,” Essek said quietly, looking off to the side as he poured a more than generous quantity of wine for himself. “But it doesn’t matter any more.”

“What did you do to lose them?” Verin asked as he sat down. Essek took a breath, and then another. He was clearly gathering his thoughts as he did so, finally he gave up whatever mental game he was playing.

“I think there’s something wrong with me, Verin,” Essek admitted, meeting Verin’s gaze openly. “I used to think...I didn’t understand you at all growing up. I thought I was better, but...I think there’s something wrong with me.”  

“Essek…” Verin said, feeling something in his gut shift at Essek’s expression that twisted like he was in pain.

“I made a mistake, I did something...well, I did something for my own gain and I don’t even feel bad about it though I should. I only felt bad that the people close to me...that it hurt them,” Essek said scrubbing at his face. “I can’t understand it. I am trying so hard, I put the pieces together rationally, but I just can't make myself feel as I should."

"How do you think you should feel?" Verin asked.

"Guilty? Awful? Sad ?" Essek offered. "I just feel nothing, and then get frustrated that I feel nothing!"

"I can't help but admit that I'm at a loss for why you want my advice," Verin said quietly.

"Verin…" Essek sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Stop acting slow. I don't have anyone else to ask for advice."

"You do realize how depressing that is, right?" Verin asked him. "Me? You want to ask me ? You don't even like me!"

"By the Light! You are so dense !" Essek snapped and discarded common and began hissing at him in their first language. "Fine, here's me being honest. Yes, Verin, you are my annoying little brother. I find your savior complex insulting to my intelligence, I never found your jokes about my height funny, and you snore so loud I considered smothering you with a pillow because Mother and Father forced us to sleep into the same room-!"

"When our cousin's room was being remodeled? If you are being serious about the constant threat to my life as a child I will actually kill you, what in the nine hells Essek-!"

"So yes, Verin. I don't like you. But you are my brother. You know me better than anyone else in the world, we have a shared history. And I also know you don't like me, so I can trust you to be honest. So please, Verin, help me ," Essek said, his voice desperate, and his chest heaving with his desperation. "You are normal and I'm not and I need to know what I'm doing wrong."

"I don't think you are doing anything wrong...actively," Verin tried to explain, holding out his arms in an attempt to placate him. "You have just...you know, always been like this?"

"Like what?"

".. evil?"

"Well great," Essek said sarcastically, throwing his hands up. "Thank you, that makes me feel so much better."

"What do you want me to say?" Verin asked defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. "You didn't even cry at our father's funeral!"

"There wasn't a body!"

"Why does that matter?" Verin demanded, slamming his hand on the table. "You wouldn't have cried anyways! That’s the problem!"

"I can't fake it," Essek said, sounding honestly distressed. "How would faking it make anything better? If I don't feel it I don't feel it! I can't make myself be different, gods know I want to be."

"What do you want to be, Essek, honestly?" Verin asked his brother.

"I want to be the kind of person who the people I care about don't hate," Essek said quietly. "I'm just not sure it's possible."

"Essek, be serious, do you think the people who you became friends with would like you if you weren't acting like yourself?" Verin asked him, eyebrows shooting up.

"I don't know, it seems like it."

“Essek, really?”

Essek grimaced and downed his entire glass in one fell swoop. For a moment he seemed to truly consider the question, before just shaking his head and giving Verin a rueful smile. It was, perhaps, the most genuine expression that Verin had seen from his brother in years. For a moment he had to remember to breathe, because there he was. This was the Essek that Verin remembered between the pages of old textbooks and ducking between the pillars of their home. That Essek hadn’t been perfect, nor kind, but at least Essek was his brother. That had meant something in Verin’s life, a life that was full of starts and stops and highs and crushing lows all dictated by a woman who Verin was sure had never even seen them as people with lives outside of her. Verin wondered if it made her proud, how thoroughly she had destroyed them.  

"I wonder if I loved them, or the Essek I thought I could be with them," Essek said mournfully, looking at his hands arranged in his lap. "I wonder if I'm grieving them or that Essek. Grief...it’s new to me, as many things are these days."

“If they only liked who you were pretending to be, they never liked you at all,” Verin told him, settling his hand on Essek’s shoulder after a long pause. Essek tensed, but didn’t fight the touch. Verin was sure that he felt as Verin did, like he was crawling out of his own damn skin. But Verin pushed through it, because he could at least give this to Essek.

“That Essek would have probably been a better brother, the brother you deserved,” Essek said with a heavy sigh, pointedly not answering the other question. Verin was positive that Essek didn’t want to verbalize the answer.

“You aren’t technically the only brother I have...but you are my only brother ,” Verin said with a shrug as he removed his hand. “It’s not a question about what I deserve. Frankly, I could have been a better brother to you many times. I let you face the brunt of everything alone, and I’m sorry for that.”

“There were many times I loathed you for that,” Essek said, eyes closed and leaning back against the sofa. “But I also knew that I could handle it...handle her. You were a child...so, it wasn’t your fault. Out of the two of us, I knew I would survive.”

“You were a child too,” Verin said and Essek’s eyelid cracked open.

“I wasn’t a child as you were,” Essek said gently. “I wasn’t like you.”

“You are different from me, that doesn’t mean you weren’t a child,” Verin argued.

“Did I ever tell you that I was there when you were born?” Essek asked, startling Verin with the sudden change of topic. A smile pulled at his teeth. “I haven’t, have I? I remember it because Mother had just pulled me out of the school for my special tutoring. I was so special, I was twelve, and when I arrived home Mother was pregnant with you . She hadn’t even told me, I just showed up and she was ready to pop.”

“She didn’t tell you?” Verin asked, befuddled.

“Of course not,” Essek said with a wave. “She never wrote to me when I was away, and I never came back. All of twenty-four hours after coming home there she was screaming bloody murder in labor, and then she was screaming at me because I wasn’t paying attention to my studies. When I informed her that was going to be impossible with her screeching like a dying roc she threatened to pop my eyeballs out with her nails.”

Verin couldn’t help the laughter that escaped his throat, Essek just rolled his eyes.

“Anyways, to make a long story short, I was bitchy because I finally thought that Mother was paying attention to me and then Mother had to go and push you out not even one day later. Father handed you to me, and said, this is Verin. And I remember thinking you were the ugliest thing I ever saw-”

“Hey!”

“But you were there. And that was enough,” Essek said simply, coming to a neat and concise conclusion. “You have always been enough, Verin. I know that one day...well...this truce of ours may not last, but I wanted you to know that. I never wished that you were anyone else...even if you made me want to kill you and often I didn’t like you. But you were the only one I ever felt close to. You are my brother and maybe the only person in this world that I can consider my friend and though I’m not sure the feeling was mutual...I...”

“Thank you, Essek,” Verin said, his throat feeling oddly sore. “I felt the same.”

For a moment Verin could feel the weight of a hundred years between them. A hundred and ten years should have meant nothing to them, they were children of a soul unbound by time itself. And yet, all of those memories were tangible and meaningful. He and Essek had never known anything else and Verin wondered if that made them who they were. For the first time in Verin’s life, he believed that maybe Essek saw them that way too. Perhaps that was one thing they could agree upon, in a life that was so tangled up in complexity.

“Well, it’s getting late. I’ll teleport you to Bazzoxan tomorrow,” Essek said, getting up slowly, clearly not addressing Verin’s emotions or his sentiment. “The guest bedroom is the first room on the right at the top of the stairs.”

“Wait...Essek,” Verin said and Essek paused, turned, and looked at him. “I’m sorry about your friends. I hope that things work out.”

“Good night, Verin,” Essek said, before floating away.

Verin wondered if he was trying to escape him, or if Essek couldn’t dare to dream.

#critical role #critical role fanfiction #verin thelyss #essek theylss

[kingofterrors]

I was tagged in this ask by @inktog - thank you!

I’m not great at tagging other folk, but if you see this and you fancy doing it, consider yourself tagged! Also, by the way, if anyone seeing this really likes being tagged in these kind of things, let me know! I will tag you in future!

This was hard. At first I was like, “I’m not sure I can even name ten relationships I ship”, and then had far too many as soon as I thought about it for more than ten seconds. So here we are. :)

First, list your top 10 ships without reading the questions below.

1.      Luz Noceda / Amity Blight – The Owl House

2.      Harrowhark Nonagesimus / Gideon Nav – The Locked Tomb Series

3.      Sabran / Eadaz du Zāla uq-Nāra – The Priory of the Orange Tree

4.      Caleb Widogast / Essek Theyless – Critical Role Campaign 2

5.      Beauregard Lionett / Jester Lavorre – Critical Role Campaign 2

6.      Harrowhark Nonagesimus / Ianthe Tridentarius – The Locked Tomb Series

7.      Kara Danvers / Lena Luthor – Supergirl

8.      Amity Blight / Boscha – The Owl House

9.      Korra / Asami – The Legend of Korra

10.  Percy / Vexahlia – Critical Role Campaign 1

Then answer the questions.

Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I’m going to be honest, it was from the very beginning of Harrow the Ninth – the Prologue, where we get that amazing moment of Ianthe kneeling down and taking Harrow by the chin. I’m going to quote, because this scene just marched up to my house, kicked my door down and stole my entire mind.

You were shocked into opening your eyes when you felt the girl opposite cup your chin in her hands – her fingers febrile compared to the chilly shock of her gilded metacarpal – and put her meat thumb at the corner of your jaw. For a moment you assumed that you were hallucinating, but that assumption was startled away by the cool nearness of her, of Ianthe Tridentarius on her knees before you in unmistakable supplication. Her pallid hair fell around her face like a veil, and her stolen eyes looked at you with half-beseeching, half-contemptuous despair: blue eyes with deep splotches of light brown, like agate.

Looking deep into the eyes of the cavalier she murdered, you realised, not for the first time, and not willingly, that Ianthe Tridenatrius was beautiful.

Dude.

Have you ever read a fic about 2?

Yup! More than one! I don’t generally seek out smut for my ships, for whatever reason, but I freely admit that I sought out smut for these two. And found it. Found it with quality in spades. Praise be. Is this a good spot for recs? If so:

Sleepless by pugoata

Like a Lullaby by SweetScentences

Has a picture of 4 ever been your screensaver/profile pic/tumblr?

Nope. I tend not to change my pics very much, and they tend to focus on single characters rather than ships, again for whatever reason.

If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Yeah… Well of course they’re not together in canon. I ship supercorp foolishly, helplessly, knowing all the while that the chances of it becoming reality are vanishingly small. That said, we don’t ship purely for canon, do we? So if Kara and Lena were together and then were to break up I’d be disappointed, but I suspect they’d find their way back to each other. These two have a history of being separated, then rediscovering their love and coming back together. I give it a couple of weeks. :)

Why is 1 so important?

Man, I don’t know! It snuck up on me! I think there’s something here about firstly, the context for Lumity. Amity’s crush on Luz was just presented as normal, as something fine and good and natural, and that meant so much to me. There’s a softness here that I love so much. I also heavily empathise with Amity – the trying to live up to expectations and feeling that you have to hide yourself behind emotional walls – and the thought of her finding love with someone like Luz who is so open and emotionally giving does my heart good. I want Amity to find acceptance and openness with Luz. I want Luz to find herself seen and valued for exactly who she is by Amity. I want to see them finding strength and security in each other. I just love them, you guys.

There’s a bit in this wonderful YouTube video essay, which I recommend to the moon and back – watch it if you haven’t! (“The Owl House is Great and Here’s Why, by Film Freak”) Where the essayist concludes their section on Lumity by saying: “I don’t know if Disney will chicken out in the future with regards to Lumity or any other queer rep, but for now I’m cautiously optimistic. Maybe I just have rose-tinted goggles for how soft this ship is, but whatever, let me stan just once.”

And… yeah. That.

Which one has the strongest bond?

Wow, tough one. Probably Sabran and Ead. They’ve gone through everything together, and are prepared to wait for each other in the end. Their bond is strong enough to take that and more.

Which ship has lasted the longest?

For me or the ship itself? For me of all of these probably Korra / Asami. Shipped ‘em first time I saw LoK, and haven’t stopped.

How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

Have they ever gotten together? If they ever did get together they’d break up every couple of days. These two are a mess, and their relationship is a toxic trainwreck. Still ship ‘em though. Can’t help it. Sometimes ships are just fascinating. If this was real life I’d want them to not come within shouting distance of each other. In fiction I’m riveted.

If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive: 2 or 8?

Definitely Harrow and Gideon. Those two have fought through apocalyptic situations before, and my money would be on them to do it again. Plus they are the quintessential battle couple. Can you imagine Harrow’s bone magic and Gideon’s martial expertise being unleashed on zombies? Those two would save the whole damn world.

Amity and Boscha would put up a good fight, I think, but I can see them disagreeing on key decisions which might hurt their chances.

Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

Given that Kara is a whole secret identity, we could say they are continually hiding their relationship when Kara is out there as Supergirl? I could also see them hiding their relationship at Lena’s insistence to protect Kara from Lex before she realised Kara was actually Supergirl. She might even want to do that afterwards as well, on reflection. Lena is very protective of Kara, ironically enough. :)

Is 4 still together?

Right now? This is another non-canon ship. That said, this is one I’m genuinely hoping for a canon appearance from. Their relationship might be put under strain from the fact that they’re both mages, and mages tend to get selfish and power hungry (or at least these two claim that’s how it goes). I think they’d work through it though. These two talk big about their own selfishness a lot, and then in practice are very caring and protective of others. I can see that extending to each other. Just kiss already.

Is 10 canon?

Yup! My token het ship are still very much together, growing old and having babies.Good for them. :)

If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

This is an invitation to go into huge depth, but my initial feeling is that Harrow and Gideon would again have it hands down. Those two are world-endingly powerful. Although that said, Kara and Lena might give them a run for their money. Pure power ranking? Let’s see…

1.      Harrow / Gideon

2.      Kara / Lena

3.      Korra / Asami

4.      Beau / Jester

5.      Caleb / Essek

6.      Percy / Vex

7.      Harrow / Ianthe

8.      Sabran / Ead

9.      Amity / Luz (no shade, but these guys are literal children. Grown up they’d put up a better showing, I’d bet)

10.  Amity / Boscha

Has anyone ever tried to sabotage 5?

I mean… Fjord? I wonder sometimes what would have happened if Beau had genuinely put in a play for Jester, rather than stepping back to let Fjord make his move. She very obviously decided that Fjord should have a free shot, and I wonder how it would have worked if she actually decided to compete. Would Fjord have stepped back to let Beau make a try for Jester if he was aware of her feelings? I don’t know. A genuine competition would have been heartbreaking but oh so interesting to see.

Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr tag?

Not hours, but I have put some good time into finding fanart for these two. There is some good work out there!

If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all up, which ship would you SINK?

Amity / Boscha. Sorry you two! I wrote myself into shipping Amity and Boscha, when I fell in love with Boscha and decided she could actually be good for Amity in a snarky, take no shit kind of a way. I would still love to see more of them. (Halfway through that one-shot btw.) But if it was them or everyone else? Sorry guys. :(

#ask games #shipping asks #this was fun! #thanks for tagging me! #long post

[fiovske]

You should know who I am just from this: ~✨ but it's about to be 4AM and I just want to say that I love ya and hope that no anons or whomever are giving you a hard time because man the takes are a lot but hey as a BJ shipper I feel the dissapoinment and I worry for SG even more now because if BJ can get retconned this easily then girl IDK what to tell you for SG. Either way hope you're doing okay, don't stress yourself out on asks and art and stay safe out there! Okay, bed time for me Fio ✌😛

ayyyy don't worry I'm actually lowkey HOPING s/g gets retconned so essek gets to keep some of his dignity.. bc, like I said in a previous anon answer:

I'm first and foremost "Good Things For Essek stan" 😌... and if it means he gets to be friends w the m9 as a whole and nothing more, I can live w that! I don't want another damn "purple man gets rejected and then kissed goodbye" (??!?!?!) from l*am ew yikes!

also, as b/j stan dw fam I gotchu I got a couple of au ideas I'm working on here and there bc damn they really were a god-tier possibility 💞 . cr "canon" is nothing but a lie written down and I love havin fun w the offshoots of a "canon" that no longer interests me ✨🌼

#i hope ur doing ok too #<3 #mail tag #disk horse

[sun-critrole]

My ship thoughts

So widowjest just got a huge boon in the form of Liam admitting on Talks that Caleb has been in love with Jester since their waltz in C2E24. Obviously there’s a lot of people that are very happy with this, and some who are not so happy. My opinion wasn’t asked (so if you DL;DR move along thx) but I want to get it all down somewhere, so here we go.

First, the things that aren’t so great: CR has been doing a better job this campaign of representing queer characters (see Beau, Yasha, Keg, etc) but not a lot of them have been mlm. Caleb was something of a holdout for a lot of us, and while it’s totally possible he’s mlm (Liam is fond of playing bi characters!), he’s not gay. That’s Liam’s choice for his character that he created for a game he is playing with his friends. I’m not saying he should tailor his RP choices to what the audience wants. I’m just acknowledging that some of us are bummed. It would be awesome to have more variety in queer characters.

Also, it’s worth mentioning that Caleb isn’t really in a good headspace to be thinking about relationships at all right now. He literally hates himself and repeatedly Liam has stressed how much Caleb believes he is shit. That’s not a good time to be looking for a partner for anyone. Caleb choosing to hide his feelings is probably the best thing he could be doing right now, even if he’s doing it for unhealthy reasons (see, Caleb hates himself).

OK! On to the things I’m excited about: We are almost 100 episodes in and it feels like we are only just beginning to scratch the surface of the depth and form relationships between PC’s will take. These characters are so layered and realistic, it’s exciting to see them change and grow. They feel real because the cast has done such a fabulous job curating them. I’m excited to see what new paths are in store for all of the Mighty Nein.

Caleb is forming long-term attachments to this group, outside of just Nott and maybe Beau. He cares about these people. That shows an immense amount of growth and (as Liam mentioned) HEALING from him. Redemption arc? Maybe? It would make me so happy to see that, the relationship stuff is just icing on that particular cake.

Finally, I’d like to say that, as a gratuitous multishipper, I am basically guaranteed happiness no matter how this ends. But I’d like to remind those of us who maybe are frustrated or angry that it’s canon that Caleb has feelings for Jester: widowjest isn’t canon. Caleb loves Jester, but everyone loves Jester. We been knew. That doesn’t mean widowjest stans don’t have a reason to be excited, it just means it’s not canon and (from what Liam was saying) never will be.

Canon is canon, but you shouldn’t let what these seven people choose to do with their DnD game shut you down. If you’re a huge Essek/Caleb stan or a widowbrave stan, keep stanning! Your ship doesn’t have to be canon in order for you to enjoy it. You can continue to create content and enjoy their dynamic. I don’t know where the idea that canon influences fanon so heavily came from, but it’s patently untrue. I’ve spent the last five years or so shipping characters that barely interacted at all, and never were even canonically friends. I had a great time shipping.

Love what you love, and don’t forget to love each other. <3

#i'm stealing beetle's tag #no fandom tags we die like passive-aggressive chipmunks #bc frankly i don't want anyone who doesn't follow me interacting with this post #tempers are running high tonight in the cr tag and id like to stay away thanks #spoilers #if you care #i post abt the livestream every week so you shouldn't be following me if you don't want spoilers #disk horse

[your-enby-antihero]

I posted 469 times in 2021

419 posts created (89%)

50 posts reblogged (11%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 1,489 tags in 2021

#critical role - 432 posts

#cr spoilers - 324 posts

#campaign three - 115 posts

#exandria unlimited - 113 posts

#exu spoilers - 110 posts

#cr exu spoilers - 106 posts

#cr c3 - 104 posts

#cr3 spoilers - 104 posts

#cr2 e140 - 46 posts

#cr liveblog - 35 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#and every few generations are lucky enough to be visited and granted the ability to speak with her holiness

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

We STAN the Wildmother literally taking one look at two adventuring parties with so much chaos and a need for so much moral support a gave them Caduceus and Fy’ra I love her your honor

196 notes • Posted 2021-07-23 04:41:22 GMT

#4

Do y’all think that Essek wears or shows something distinctive through his disguise so that Caleb can always find him and even after Caleb is long gone whenever Essek uses disguise self he keep the thing around because he misses Caleb. I’m thinking like a promise ring/wedding band or a necklace or better yet the parepet of wound closure (Molly’s old necklace) even though they don’t really adventure to much any more. People would ask Essek if he is married or where his spouse was and he’d just point to his heart.

197 notes • Posted 2021-09-02 13:41:39 GMT

#3

Literally Bertrand Bell was a goofy fucking man but in that last scene, with Dorian. He really showed a much more serious side, even in his silly drunken stupo. He seemed to hide his problems with overconfidence and in that moment he was genuinely happy. Then Dorian offered to go with him in the walk but he refused, he just wanted to be dependable the next day. I think people can respect that. The way he became in his last moments was like he wasn’t drunk anymore. He wasn’t the same Bertrand as we had seen him in Cr3 yet. He then whispered Lieve’tel’s name which man that hits hard. She was probably one of the best thing to happen to him in a long while and I don’ think they were still together in Cr3. I think it was in the second episode when Fearne asked him if he had a partner and he said not in a long while. In his last moment he was thinking about his days with Lieve’tel because they were probably some of his happiest. I loved seeing him get brought back and now he’ll help another group of adventures on a quest, by giving this group a reason to stick together.

199 notes • Posted 2021-11-05 13:40:56 GMT

#2

Might do some live-blogging tonight so here are some tags

#critical role #cr c3 #cr spoilers

#campaign three #cr3 spoilers #cr3 e5

Let’s hope our party doesn’t get turned into paste by the whole ass room of people we’re in and I’m hoping for Ashton backstory. See y’all a 7pm PST :)

371 notes • Posted 2021-11-18 15:30:36 GMT

#1

MARISHA RAY COMING THROUGH WITH HOT LADIES AGAIN!!

403 notes • Posted 2021-10-22 02:19:59 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Best post of the year- Laudna is hot and to be fair where is the lie

[readbythestarlight]

c2e85

Ohhhh boy here we go guys

Liam...?

I don’t

Ah

Ricky and Morty

“The chained oblivion, no big deal” Matt Plz

A dark elf floating six or seven inches from the ground. I don’t like how familiar that sounds.

[[MORE]]

28. Christ.

YOOOOO Pumats gonna fight!

BE SAFE PUMATS

or... not? xD

lol gets up on the counter because the rest of them are

He gonna heal??

He gonna... make them invisible?

NICE made my boy Cad invisible but he had still fight

Pumat looking after his fellow firbolg

I love when they panick go invisible xD

Gonna hide on the bookshelf lol Nott

Ooooo bola shot I like that

Yay bane!

This is gonna be a long slow fight

Nice job Cad, canceling that crit

Ffffuck didn’t cancel the crit fuck

93?! FUCK

NO

MATTHEW

YOU CANNOT KILL NOTT AGAIN

JFC

Oh my GOD I hate everything

Cad getting Nott back up yay!

STUNNED YEAHHHH

Not hang on Matthew STUNNED

Okay okay okay this isn’t as bad as it could be...

Banishing smite?

Oh fuck her

YAAAAS FJORD

BANISH HER TO HER HOME plane

bitch slapped her onto another plane lol

I like Cad’s little defensive stuff. He’s such an excellent support.

Also okay so aside from her high damage attacks this assassin doesn’t seem as terrible as I feared so... what’s the catch? Because something awful is def gonna happen.

PS: “that doesn’t happen every day”

Cad: “it does to us”

I’m glad she left but I do NOT like that she can just sneak up on them at any time

PS: “And now they know where I live...”

N: “You could burn down the store, start fresh?”

PS: “I like where you’re going with that, but I might wanna save that for a last option.”

Pumat has some kind of knowledge about

Pumat can MIND CONTROL?

PUMAT GONNA HELP THEM FREE HER MAYBE?

Poor Laura :(

PS: “not like you burned it down or anything.”

Free shield, nice!

Pumat is a sweet guy I love him and I’ve missed him

Freeloading their way into a short rest lol

Jester for the love of the Traveler do NOT go in there as your mom

FJORD do not encourage this

Beau assuring Jester that she supports HER just not the idea is SO sweet

JESTER oh my god

WHISPERS

Cad’s gonna know before Jester does

Ooh dear their description has gotten back to the other side of the mountains

MOAR WHISPERS

I like how they’re pulling literally everyone they know, pretty much every ally they’ve ever made into this

I’m honestly glad The Gentleman isn’t interested in getting involved. It suits his character well.

EVEN MOAR WHISPERS

Jester’s real sad

Like she really was hoping it was him

(And it still could be, we don’t know what Cad perceived)

Oh god Jester

Oh honey

Poor Jester

xD the Tal’dorea council question strikes again

Aw Jester :(

J: “but if he doesn’t want me then I don’t want him it’s fine.”

F: “....we’re glad to have you.”

J: “I’m glad to be here.”

B: “Sometimes found family is better anyway.”

Shit wait fuck

“You should tell her”

IS HE ACTUALLY HER DAD??

holy shit y’all

oh lord Nott had a crush on Caleb??

HOLY SHIT

BEAU ADMITTED SHE HAS A CRUSH ON JESTER

Oh shit the BeauJester fans have been fed tonight

Laura is laying there giggling lol

That’s super sweet that Beau is crushing on her man

I mean I’m still so BeauYasha but

Oh boy okay who is this

Oh it’s him

Oh my GOD

here we go oh god

Also what if he’s her uncle not her dad? He mentioned having a brother...

Oh my GOD HE IS HER DAD

I CANNOT BELIEVE

GENTLEMAN BACKSTORY

I can’t believe I’m having Gentleman feelings

I wanna hug him

Oh god that’s so SAD

He sounds like he still kinda loves her too HELP ME

I’m CRRYYYYING

I’m really sad man

“She loves you. You should have trusted her. I don’t know... I don’t know how you guys could make it work or anything, but... [missed]. She’s never loved anyone since. Just you.”

Operation: Get Marion and the Gentleman Back Together.

TG: “Jester I’m not your father. Any man can have a child. Any man who isn’t around to help raise them doesn’t get to call themself a father.” Owww.

I think you should tell Marion and let her decide. She hasn’t had any say in all of this, I think it’s time she did.

I cannot believe I’m so emotional about the Gentleman.

Jester has this perfect little fairy tale for her parents and I’m literally just sitting here crying you guys

J: “Hey dad, next time I’m in town? Let’s play some Uno.” Crying and laughing and crying.

I stg if he and Marion don’t get their happy ending I’m gonna be SAD

Time to go after Yasha?

Oh dear...

Okay though if it’s addressed to Nott the Brave it’s not from Astrid

Maybe it’s from Caliana or someone again

The looks all the others are wearing

Like Beau’s face

This recording thing couldn’t possibly backfire at all xD

These hijinks omg

I can’t handle it first I’m worried then I’m emotional/crying about Jester and now I’m cracking up

Oh no oh god

Don’t hurt Pumat Sol Matthew I will not forgive you

oh my GOD MATT that PAUSE

Oh my god wait their lie somehow WORKED??

So she lives in Trent’s little compound essentially.

“Oh god it’s her” lol oh Pumat

I love him man he’s a soft boy

Oh dear...

Caleb getting overwhelmed mid trying to plan was excellent I love that call Liam

WHAT

PUMAT IS GONNA TRAVEL WITH THEM?

No no no what if he dies??

DO NOT GET MY COW MAN KILLED

it’s so sweet that he offered I ADORE HIM

I can’t believe he just straight up planned to come with them he was already packed

Like all these othe powerful allies are like “I’ll look into things while y’all do the actual dangerous work” and Pumat Sol is the one who decides he’s going to come and help

We stan two (2) cow men and they are Caduceus Clay and Pumat Sol

I’m really nervous about this though like heading to Rexentrum? Are they ready for this? Is CALEB ready for this??

Oh no Krynn attack that’s bad

I hope it’s not the Krynn

Call Essek find out

Oh god if they help stop the Krynn tho and it gets back to Xhorhas somehow

They’ll never see Essek again and I will CRY

I’m suuuuuper worried about Caleb

Like SUPER concerned look at his face he’s not at all prepared for this

This is definitely a false alarm there are no Krynn

Oh fuck what if Obann is coming for this Colbalt Soul

I am anxious

Go back down Caleb!

Why would you not go back up with the others

Nott, Nott HONEY

Not now!

It’s not the Krynn I will eat my hat if it’s really the Krynn

“Angel’s Eye” oh no

Cardinal Respa?

How far does this conspiracy spread I wonder

“The thing below and the path to it” fuck

“Diversions are already in place” knew it

Oh fuck

Pelor, the temple of the dawn father?

Oh shit they spent so much time in the happy fun ball that the timeline is messed up and this is happening NOW

Fuuuuuck

Oh god they are in it now

Like man even having warned so many allies it’s too late it’s happening NOW

I thought I was stressed last week but nope

Love you too Matt

IS IT NEXT THURSDAY YET?!

This episode in a nutshell: fighting an (immortal?) assassin; Jester’s dad; mail hijinks; TIME TO STOP THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD

#critical role #cr spoilers #emi watches critical role