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write-tama · 2 days

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I need more of Francis Mosses x reader fluff tbh and I enjoy reading some of your works with him so here's my request: Reader is stressed about life, college or something of your choice and needed some comfort from him 🥺🤎 thank you in advance aaahshqhs 😭 (tbh I don't see much sfw works of Francis on this app, maybe I'm not searching enough?)

"rest a little-- for me at least.."

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ francis mosses x student!stressed!reader

sypnosis ; reader and francis have been hard at work trying to achieve their ultimate goals for the future. but lately, reader has been burning themselves out, and its up to francis to help realize how tired reader is.

containing ; exhaustion, reader is a college student, francis works double shifts, francis and reader are high school sweethearts (in this au anastacha is not his daughter), francis is worried about reader, TOOTH ACHING FLUFF RAGH

author’s note ; eee thank u anon! also dw, i also experienced the same problem trying to find sfw for francis 😭😭 its lowkey the reason why i had to crawl out of my hiatus hole LOL but ya really hope u enjoy :]

04.15.24 | 1.4k words

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

Five shots of espresso from the cafe across the block could not fix how fucking exhausted you were.

You and Francis have been together since your highschool days. You have always dreamed of going to college to become a forensic scientist to work in the police force for super interesting crimes— but holy shit— were you tired from the projects and the essays.

You haven’t seen Francis in a few days either, despite living in the same apartment. He’s been working shifts in the morning and night just to make ends meet while also saving up for a house that you two could buy together. It was exhausting, but it was all a part of the plan. You worked a little side job as well delivering papers early in the morning just as a quick cash grab, but that also meant you barely spent mornings with your boyfriend. It’s not like you guys had the time anyway. He had to work in the morning too, which made it all the more frustrating.

After finally reaching your apartment, you immediately kicked off your shoes and threw your bag to the nearest corner before flopping down on the couch. A loud groan rumbled from your throat, finally giving your exhaustion a voice. You looked up from the couch, too tired to even turn on the TV. From the corner of your eye though, you saw in the kitchen a pot on the stove with a bright yellow sticky note on the top of it. Out of curiosity, you lifted yourself from the cushions with all your strength before heading towards the kitchen.

You waddled over to the pot with a curious tilt to your head as read the sticky note:

You left for work before I could tell you, but I’m coming off my shift early today and I’m not working tonight. Here’s some lunch I prepared this morning. Love you honey, get some rest. -Fran

Your grin stretched from ear-to-ear as you opened the lid to be welcomed with the smell of fresh spaghetti and meatballs. You turned on the gas stove to heat up the food, and used a clean wooden spoon to stir the food gradually. As you did, you couldn’t help as yawns escaped your mouth. You thought about taking a nap after your meal, seeing as how later today you needed to take some notes for an upcoming exam.

Your need for success never gave you the permission to give yourself a break every once in a while. In fact, the only times you did take a break was when Francis was sick and he needed someone by his side to take care of him. Other than that, you were always academically focused. Every once in a while, Francis would voice his opinion, telling you that you shouldn’t be burning yourself out so fast, but it was your determination and your vision of a perfect future with him that fueled you. Was this safe for your own mental health? Absolutely not. But you were aware of the consequences, and you pushed yourself anyway.

You felt your body grow increasingly heavy. You quickly jolted your head up, not even realizing that your eyes were fluttered close and you had stopping moving your spoon for a few seconds. You shook yourself awake, quickly grabbing a plate and helping yourself to a serving. You made sure to turn off the stove as well before throwing the spoon in the sink and grabbing a clean metal fork to enjoy your meal. It was best to hurry on and sit down before you became a danger to yourself.

You placed your food down on the coffee table before curling up on the couch. Maybe some TV would wake me up, you thought to yourself. You picked up the TV remote and browsed through the channels, eventually settling on a random game show that was airing live. Feeling a bit more energized, you placed a pillow in your lap before resting your food on top of it.

After each bite you felt your eyelids getting heavy. Your body started slowly giving in, despite your protests. The host’s voice soon turned into muffles as you felt your head nod a little. Each time you felt yourself falling, you immediately jolted up, not wanting to succumb to your body’s need for rest. What you really needed to do was to finish those essays and projects, and to also greet your loving boyfriend once he comes back from work. Your mind started dragging along little plans on how you would be able to accomplish everything before sleeping, but without realizing, your eyes had fallen closed as you leaned back in the couch.

Francis came back home about an hour later, tired from his work. As he placed his work bag down, he barely realized that your bag was set in the corner as well. “(y/n)?” He began to call out, but as soon as he turned around, he noticed your sleeping figure on the couch curled up with your pillow and food next to you. “Oh, (y/n)..” he mumbled, smiling a little in amusement. Francis walked over you, noticing the running TV and the half-eaten food. He first turned off the TV, making sure to not make too much noise to wake you up. He took your plate as well and covered it with a napkin before storing it in the fridge. Once Francis made it back to the living room, he sighed in relief, noticing that you still haven’t woken up. He rolled up his sleeves before carefully sliding his arms under your body, being as gentle as possible as he carried you to the bedroom.

“Mm..” You mumbled, half asleep. “Franci..?” You croaked out, burying yourself into his chest.

“Mhm..” He hummed. “I found you asleep on the couch.. I’m just moving you to the bedroom if you don’t mind..” He chuckled a little. You groaned a little in response, tugging a little at his button-down uniform.

“No..” you protested. “I have work to do.. I have projects due soon..”

Francis laid you gently down onto the soft mattress. You sat up a bit, realizing that you were still in your casual formal clothes you wore for school. You looked over to Francis, who had changed out of his work clothes, but kept his undershirt on and threw on some pajama pants. “Franci, can you—”

“Here you go.” You looked up, not even realizing that he was already handing you your midnight clothes. His tired eyes gazed upon you, but even then, his eyes were dilated with genuine care. You smiled up at him before taking the clothes and changing on the bed, throwing your clothes in a corner.

You sighed a little as you straightened out your shorts, looking down with a wearied face. “You know I need to get back to work.” You quietly muttered. Francis looked at you with a frown as he stood over the bed.

“You can’t just keep working day and night.” He lectured softly. You scoffed a little before looking at him, only to immediately falter to his puppy-eyed look. “Just rest with me this evening, please, dear?” He asked, folding his arms behind his back as he leaned down.

Your face heated up, flustered at how desperate Francis seemed to be just wanting to have a few minutes ago. You smiled softly before reaching up and caressing his face with your hand. “You know I hate it when you look at me like that..” You whispered.

“Well, it's the only way to get you to agree.” He mumbled back, sinking into your embrace. The two of you were locked in eye contact as Francis slowly climbed into the bed. His hands straddled either side of you as you leaned back against the headboard. Gradually, his lips pressed against yours, and immediately you melted. Your hands snaked around his neck, holding him as close as you could. His touch filled you with the warmth you longed for so long after drawn-out lectures and pressure-inducing assignments. All you wanted was him.

He wrapped your arms around your waist before resting himself on your chest— a sigh escaping his nostrils. “I miss this.” he muttered. “When was the last time we got to hold each other like this?”

You ran fingers through his hair, carefully tugging out knots. “Only heaven knows..” You whispered back. The two of you enjoyed the comfortable silence. Only the faint hum of the lamp filled your ears as well as the occasional vehicle rushing down the road in front of your apartment complex. Your chest rose and fell as you breathed as Francis buried himself deeper into your embrace. “I-I’m sorry I’ve been a little difficult lately.” you apologized, feeling the guilt prick at your skin. “I’ve just been so stressed with school lately.. All I could think about is work and it's ruining us—”

“Please don’t apologize for that.” Francis was quick to cut you off. He lifted his head up and now sat up properly in front of you. His eyebrows furrowed a little as he looked at your gentle figure. “Please.. Just don’t. I understand you’ve been working so hard lately. I have been to. But this is all for our future, remember?” He grabbed your hand, holding it with both of his hands before kissing your knuckles. “Mmm.. I miss our evenings together too, I truly do, but what I’m concerned about is your wellbeing. You need to give yourself a breather every once in a while. At least promise me that.”

Your body felt weak with each work he uttered. Your head rushed with stars, remembering that its moments like these that make you want to work so hard. You want nothing but blessings for this man, because if anything, he was your savior. Tears pricked at your eyes, sniffling a little as you nodded your head.

“I promise..” You said in a shaky voice. A sincere smile curled Francis lips as he reached down to kiss your forehead.

Everything is going to be okay, you thought to yourself.

Everything is okay.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

thats it! hope you enjoyed :3 sorry i procrastinated on this for a while im def gonna clutch on up writing after school ends (which is end of april). lowk so glad this bc ive been stressed w college work as well so rereading honestly felt SO comforting 😭😭 but anyway ya--

reblogs, likes, even replies are soso appreciated and i hope you enjoyed this story :]

#thats not my neighbor #tnmn #that's not my neighbor #milkman #francis mosses #thats not my neighbour milkman #francis mosses x reader #francis mosses x you #francis mosses thats not my neighbor #milkman x reader #tnmn milkman

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wikiangela · 6 hours

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fav lines game

rules: share your favourite lines or paragraph you've written from one of your fics, posted or wip.

tagged by @lover-of-mine @bidisasterevankinard @diazsdimples @dangerpronebuddie @hippolotamus

so ofc suddenly I'm forgetting everything I've ever written lol but here's some of the most recent ones idk

from I wanna breathe you in

“Both.” Buck nods, so confident and sure in this. “I want- I want my family, my friends to know that I’m- that I’m bi.” he says, a smile splitting his face. He’s taken a minute to label himself, but when he found this one, it felt right. Bisexual. That’s what he is, that’s what feels like him, like Buck, like Evan. Like all the parts of himself that felt scattered and chaotic and weren’t making any sense are finally settled in the right place, glued together by this realization, by this one simple word – bisexual. The only person who knows so far is Maddie, and he wants to tell everyone else, wants them all to know, and wants to share how happy he is. Besides, he thinks she’s going to explode if she keeps it from Chimney any longer – and once Chim knows, well, even with the best intentions, he sucks at keeping secrets. He doesn’t want Tommy to be his secret. “And I want them to know you’re my boyfriend.” he adds confidently.

from I'm comin' back, don't let me go

He feels like every single action, just getting up, getting dressed, pouring a glass of water, getting something to eat, just anything takes much more effort than it should, than it used to. Living takes much more effort than it used to. Sometimes he thinks maybe it’d be better if he- He doesn’t want to die, not again, not really, but he can’t help thinking that he’d rather not be here. Not when he feels the way he feels. He doesn’t feel like himself, he’s just putting up a front, a Buck-shaped mask in front of people. He feels like a hollow, empty vessel. He just- he doesn’t want to be here.

from you can see it with the lights out (you are in love)

It’s sweet and soft, and it makes Buck’s stomach flutter even more, but at the same time it feels like everything is finally as it should be, like relief, like coming home after a long trip, like taking a breath of fresh air after being in a smoke-filled burning building. It feels familiar, like home, like they’ve been doing this forever, like maybe they’ve been in love through multiple lifetimes, always finding their way to each other. It’s a ridiculous thought, a little bit, that he knows Eddie would fondly roll his eyes at and tell him there’s no such thing as past lives or fate. Buck believes what he believes, though. He feels like he’s loved Eddie for an eternity, and he’ll love him for another one, or a hundred, or a thousand eternities, as long as the world keeps turning, and if there’s anything after that, then even longer. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life.

also this from my most recent fic bc for some reason i just love this little moment haha - we don't know where this is going now (don't be afraid of heights, let me open your heart wide)

“I know.” Evan chuckles, his gaze settling on Tommy’s. “I just- I really want to.” “Okay.” Tommy repeats, smiling, and waiting. It’s fine if Evan changes his mind, but this is his to initiate. Tommy will wait. He’d wait forever, is the thing, and it’s scary, with how short they know each other. “Okay.” Evan echoes, and then he’s grabbing Tommy’s chin, similar to how Tommy grabbed his during their first kiss. His thumb nestles into his cleft, and Tommy sees a flash of an endeared smile before Evan’s lips are on his, fingers not letting him go.

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck

@eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life

@diazpatcher @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @weewootruck @loveyouanyway

@spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks

@alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @giddyupbuck @tommykinards

@honestlydarkprincess @underwaterninja13 @exhuastedpigeon @911-on-abc @jesuisici33

@steadfastsaturnsrings @theotherbuckley @buddieswhvre @tizniz @daffi-990

@fortheloveofbuddie @hoodie-buck

#fav lines #fic snippet #wikiangela writes #bucktommy fic #911 fic #911 abc #my writing #911 fanfic #buddie fic

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capturecharlesau · 22 hours

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This fic will be about me venting on this exact day of when Danny ACCIDENTALLY ALMOST hurt Auriela and Florence BUT when in reality it was Danny’s shadow Daniel! I’m here a year later to break the ice! And finally give my baby justice! >:) I hope you guys enjoy! :D

I’m not a professional at these but imma try my best lol! If ya see any English mistakes just in case remember I speak French and this English typing/spelling be hard xD

Not My Fault

Danny was walking down the halls… that day finally came around…. Funny… last year he remembers all the pain getting beaten up and even punished for something he didn’t mean to do. Almost killing the twins… he didn’t mean it he swear he didn’t he was so sad… and depressed he was crying alone in the kitchen he remembers how Amelia, Ulle, and others hurt Danny that day how the Music Enforcers spun Danny around upside down on a rope it made Danny very dizzy and he puked that day…

Danny could barely walk that day and the only people who took pity on him that day was Crusher, Pollo, Reginald, RHM, Sven, and Burt. Was it pity? Or was it…. Love…? True love like Crusher felt kissing Danny at night…? Feeling him, rubbing him, feeling his hair, his nice and hot kisses, the deep “connection” they feel nice and close with each other~…. Is that true love? It’s partly love but the TRUE love Danny felt with Crusher apart from physical is the EMOTIONAL help he felt… wow did Crusher help Danny feel warm and calm that night. So relaxed so comforting to Danny’s ears… all Danny really needs is his one and only Crusher. After the shitty day he had and feeling nauseous after the boys spun him and the others hurt him…. It made him feel like a monster… a monster with explosive emotions that he can’t control… why can’t he control these feelings? These emotions? He deserve it! Did he? He almost hurt two babies….

He doesn’t deserve Mary his beautiful baby daughter… all his life he wanted a family but now he looks in the mirror and sees himself as a MONSTER!! He doesn’t have friends, he doesn’t have a family, he’s a piece of shit, he let… HIM …. HIM use him like a TOY, he FOLLOWED HIM, yes he was manipulated but he should have DONE SOMETHING!! Why was he FROZEN and let his negativity drive him to do the wrong thing when all he wants…. Is for people to love him and for him to be happy that he exists….

Why did Randy curse him? All he wanted was to help his dear father…but…. He was now stuck with his evil version of himself… telling him LIES, telling him negative things, …. Danny was addicted… he found himself addicted to sadness… and thinking how his friends, his family, his Toppat family, his husband would maul him, cut him, HURT HIM, kill him, humiliate him over and over and over and over and OVER

….and over… and over….. and over…. And over…. Why won’t it stop? Why won’t these thoughts go away?…. What’s wrong with my brain?…. Why am I like this?….. why do I exist? If all I do … and all I think and hear are ways…. The people around me… wanna…. Kill me? I don’t deserve anything at all… I just want my breathing to…. Suddenly….stop….

…

“You deserve good things dear…” Danny opened his eyes in shocked as he was on the floor crying in the kitchen “A-Amore? O-Oh b-b-but how—?” Crusher kissed and picked up Danny “Dear, you were hiccuping and crying … And you were talking a bit hehe…”

“…..” Danny showed hidden eyes. Crusher frowned “Dear I know today was … you know… the day Daniel made you do that… I knew you’d be upset… so we wanted to show you something…”

“…we?” Said Danny as Crusher walked out the kitchen to see all his closest friends there all coming in to hug Danny at the same time as Crusher carried Danny still.

Reginald giggled “Nyeh hello dear! Danny’s eyes widen “R-Reggie?? Jeremy? Svensson, Bertram, Picoletto? What’s happening?? *he tears up* Aahhhh I-I-I don’t deserve t-t-this! Whatever it issss! *hic*—.”

Crusher gave many kisses to Danny’s cheek to calm him down. “It’s ok pai!” Said Pollo “We are here to support you in your apology! Even though we know it wasn’t you really who wanted to hurt the twins.”

“Ja! Burt saw it all in the cameras” said Sven as Burt added “You were… REALLY twitchy before you entered the room to harm the babies…”

“You guys would really support me?” Danny shivered “ I don’t d-deserve it-! *hic* I d-d-don’t-!”

“Yes you do Dan…” said Accordion along with Violin holding the twins “ We know it was not your fault now… Burt showed us the footage…. We shouldn’t have been so… extreme—.”

Danny then interrupts crying“ NO! IM HAPPY YOU HURT ME! IM BAD IM HORRIBLE-! *HIC* I’M—!!”

Violin then said “ A human with emotions….”

Those words many Danny cry in his hands as Pollo RUSHED to his father and Crusher hugged his hubby tightly. “Give them the gift Dan” RHM smiled as Danny gaged the twins bagels. “I made them *hic* myself-! Please f-f-forg-give m-me-! *hic*

…

The twins jumped onto Danny’s lap as the Italian man was so overwhelmed “I’m sorry! I’m s-so sorry! How can anybody or ANYONE so perfect like you guys can …..

… ever love someone…..like….me…?

…

Thank you guys to my fellow Tumblr mutuals! I’m so happy someone so perfect like you can love someone as emotional and defective like ….me 💕 I love you ❤️

Crusher belongs to @jaytoons7

The Music Enforcers and the twins belong to @bluetorchsky

Pollo Miller belongs to @00lari00

#thsc #the henry stickmin collection #henry stickmin collection #captured!charles au #danny felizima #aurelia arcoil #florence arcoil #thsc accordion #thsc violin

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oraclekleo · 2 days

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33rd Birthday!

Hello my dear followers and random visitors of my blog.

I have already made a sorry announcement due to my hiatus but that’s not all I wanted to tell you.

This Monday, April 15th 2024 to be precise, is my Birthday. I’m already 33 years old! Would you believe that? I certainly wouldn’t. I feel like 16. 😂

And how pretty the number is, right? Two threes… My life path number is also 3. How neat is that, huh?

When it comes to angel number 33, this source says the following:

“The 33 angel number means anything is possible. This powerful angel number is also known as a master number because of its double digits mirroring each other and its powerful vibrations. The number 33 is linked to themes around creative thinking, deep compassion, spiritual-level connections, discipline, and bravery. When you see this number show up it could be because it's an opportune time for a change or because patience is paramount right now in your daily life because a spiritual meaning that will have major significance is soon to be revealed.”

Nothing can be more true for me as major change is about to happen for me. I don’t want to reveal what it is just now but I will keep you informed in time. 😜

And no, I’m not dating anyone 🤣 Still happily Sexy, free and single.

I did want to celebrate my birthday with you with some sort of event but as you know I was really busy so… I guess we will celebrate my 44th Birthday properly? LOL!

Honestly, I have a lot to be grateful for in my life, you guys in my little community included. I hope we can stay together for many years that come and have some more fun with both serious and kinky tarot readings.

And those might soon become even better articulate and with much more expressive vocabulary as your girl Kleo is currently fully immersed in listening to audio erotica, which is really good! I mean… not all of it but I have already found several favourite voice actors, their voice and style really suiting me and apart from having a good time listening to it while working (yes, I do listen to audio porn while at work, sue me if you want), I also learn a lot from it. You know I can just soak information like a sponge from anything I do and well… This is a really good source. Also, I’m considering holding a voice chat once in a while with my friends now as I really want to learn to use my voice as well as I use my fingers for typing. And yes, I tested with my bestie and I nearly choked when I had to pronounce word ‘f*ck’ out loud. You wouldn’t guess it by reading my posts but I’m really talking like a lady out loud. I rarely curse or say rude words. 🤭

I also learned about very surprising preferences through this audio erotica experience. I swear I didn’t expect to love what I love so much. It came as a shock and I truly thought my preferences to be completely different from what I actually enjoy the most. I guess there’s still a lot to learn about myself. Another great thing about my new hobby. You know how much I love to learn anything.

Anyway! That’s about my new hobby and about my approaching birthday.

Feel free to contact me through inbox or through DM or join my Discord. I don’t bite… unless you ask me to 😏 I’m also learning how to flirt better. You can be my test subject anytime. 😀 And no, it’s not to go hunt men, I’m way too old to change my ways and routines to fit another person’s lifestyle. My goal is actually much purer. I really like to make people happy and… well, I noticed people will feel happy, flattered and their self-esteem boosted when I flirt with them a little bit. Just another skill I’m learning in order to spread happiness and joy in the world. Might seem frivolous to you but… Well… I enjoy it. And that’s what counts for me.

So yeah! Happy Birthday to me! I’m not growing old, I’m only one year closer to death as my sister tells me every year since I was like 17. 😂 We are a weird family. Try not to think about it too much.

Thank you everyone who’s sticking around here. I promise I will post something soon. Maybe nothing super big but I will post. 🙂

Your forever joyful Oracle Kleo 🦄

#oracle kleo #happy bithday to me

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aleeyenn · 2 days

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SHAKING YOU hi more Bedtime Story(Pillowbook) headcanons please you can't just go in tags and say the BEST Pillow headcanons EVER then go "that's enough headcanon rambling" WRONG!!! LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER. ITS NEVER ENOUGH HEADCANON RAMBLING

OMG THANK YOU FOR YOUR CURIOSITY!!! i don’t have many headcanons off the top of my head since they usually come up during convos about them with my friends But! i am currently writing a pillowbook fanfic and it has mentions of some sweet headcanons/scenarios in there!!! here is your teaser:

- when pillow and book clean up after a g&d or yoyle chess session, pillow brushes her hand against books and book gets a bit flustered and apologizes each time, but pillow reassures her saying that it’s okay and that she did it on purpose

- pillow asks book to read her her favorite stories so she can know more about her interests and what she likes. as she does this, pillow kinda like cuddles up to her and book messes up her words because of the closeness (she is soooo touch starved) and pillow thinks it’s amusing but she doesn’t say anything

THATS KINDA ALL I CAN GIVE YOU FROM MY FIC … it’s at 7.4k words right now (it’s my first actual written piece OMG!) and i find that i’m a slow writer and i can only write when i get bursts of motivation so it’s taking a while BUT THE TENSION IS BUILDING! it’s definitely a romcom and i’ll announce when it’s out! (i’ll probs publish it on ao3 btw)

aside from stuff from the fanfiction i’m writing i think i can pull a few extras out of my sleeve

- pillow would look into books history to learn about her more and she would find that she received a little gold star her cover in bfdia 10. she would put a gold star on book when she thinks she’s doing good at something as encouragement for her to keep it up and book would be motivated by this

- book knows oragami. after she finds out that pillow is doing things for good luck she shows pillow how to make paper cranes and she tells her if she makes 1000 paper cranes it’ll give her good luck… and so she does! in a single day somehow… and gives them to book to wish Her good luck

- pillow generally picks up on every little detail about books mannerisms … but that’s a given when you’re talking about pillow LOL

- naily and price tag are like. the number one pillowbook fans HEELPPP LIKE THEY SET THEM UP AND STUFF and read into them together… they’re their instigators brah. they’re their wingmen. this headcanon came from the pillowbook fic “who cares?” on quotev PLEAASEEE IF YOU ARE A PILLOWBOOK FAN READ IT ITS THE BEST FANFICTION IVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE I AM NOT KIDDING i would go on more but i’ll go on forever… i love it so much Please read it(and author of it, if you are reading this HIIIII YOURE THE BEST)

IM SURE THERE ARE A LOT MORE BUT ITS REALLY LATE AND I HAVE TO GO TO BED SO I CANT THINK HARD ANYMORE… THANK YOU FOR READING AND YOUR INTEREST IN MY HEADCANONS! IT MAKES ME SO HAPPYYY

#joyjibberjabber

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ireallyamthemaincharacter · 9 months

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Dude this is so me fr

#this is the autistic narcopath rep I wanna see in the world #that’s a joke btw i have no idea if the creator has pd’s lol but this video really sums up my whole deal #it used to really bother my friends in high school when I would just mirror bc they would be like “hey do you like *insert movie here*”#and I would say “Yeah omg it was super good!” and then agree with them about it and everything #and they eventually caught on to the fact that I almost never saw/liked the same films as them. or actors or shows or books or or or #lemme tell you it was SUCH a relief to finally let go of all those friendships with the excuse of “outgrowing each other”. i get to be #totally myself whenever I’m alone and it I get to be alone a lot more now!!! it’s so so so good #i hate masking I hate mirroring imagine being behind the counter of a store 24/7 365 and having to do ur customer service thing always #that’s life for me. utterly exhausting #npd tag #aspd tag #autism

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blairwitchapologist · 2 months

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ok i don’t know what the song is actually called but that one song where he’s like “i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved” makes me laugh but also cringe sooooo hard every single time i hear it bc i broke up with this one truly awful man around the same time it came out and he sent it to me several times being like “this makes me think of us” before i just blocked him but i was working in a kitchen with one other person and he would control the radio and usually just put it on the recent hits station and i’d have to hear it 30 times a day and think about how cringe that guy was (i mean that sincerely he’s 32 years old and apparently still posting about me on his instagram and this was 5 years ago) (he used to act like it was my fault he couldn’t get hard after doing coke and drinking 30 beers in one night) (just for some context)

i’m really taking you all down memory lane tonight

anyways i keep seeing spongebob ai remixes of that song

#i’m gonna put something a little more tmi in the tags lol #tell me if you can relate #when he could get hard he would be like 0 foreplay or anything at all like he’d try to just get in there #and then he’d get mad that i wasn’t having a great time and i told him over and over again #hey this isn’t really how this works bud #but he was like yeah it should be though every other girl i’ve slept with has enjoyed it #and i was like bro they all broke up with you within a month. i’m the longest relationship you’ve ever had #and then he’d get mad at me and i would just start laughing bc really what else is there to do at that point #this happened MULTIPLE times btw #anyways thanks for reading if you’re still here #i’m just reflecting on how good my life is now compared to what it was

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iloveyoumorethansoup · 7 months

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Ok life update. I’m fully in college again! I like some of my classes (all stem classes) I kinda hate some other classes (theatre classes ironically). I am so deeply not moved in at all. Unpacking who? Could not be me. I do not have enough storage. I like my third roommate a lot and living with my ex is not as scary as I thought it would be. I finally get an adhd and depression test in two weeks and i start therapy in a week.

#me? going to therapy bc my last relationship hurt me that badly? it’s more likely than you think!#it wasn’t just that. but that in conjunction with my depression did not do good things #went from clingy to very anxious attachment style #also. i keep saying I’m completely over her. I’m not. I’m just hoping if I say it enough it’ll be true #so it just really really hurts that she’s so over me and already talking to people and looking for dates #and I’m over here like. please can it all just stop hurting for 5 seconds🫠🫠🫠🫠#i really do not know what to do. hoping therapy fixes my very much still broken heart #i can’t even tell her like hey dude this is killing me bc then she’d think I’m trying to make it her problem #when in reality I just don’t want her to talk about the girls she’s talking to as much #also I’m pretty sure she’d end up being like fine I just won’t talk to you anymore. which completely missed the point as well #so. that’s cool #gaming club is starting to meet up again which is nice. unfortunately it’s on a day I have color guard every week #i think antidepressants would be very good for me bc I am struggling to find a single positive point in my life rn #the waitlist for therapy is miles long and u gotta submit why you want it. they called me in within a week. it’s not looking hot for me lol #I’d like to start streaming now that I’m single again. and by that I mean I have more free time #but my ex and I share a wall and she hates when she can hear me talking thru the wall. we have really really thin walls #y’all I am not winning. at all #idea: we’re doing a poll on things that should improve my life and y’all can decide #soup talks

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starbuck · 8 months

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me, listening to That Black Ice Cream Song: this song is just so good. what a vibe.

john darnielle: it was August the 19th

me: SO FUCKING TRUE

#sorry for only coming on here to post about That Black Ice Cream Song - it will happen again #it’s so funny tho bc like. it’s a great song - i DO love it #but i don’t typically listen to it… i literally have not listened to it since last time i posted about it on here #always a postable experience i guess lol #seriously tho Zopilote Machine is so good #i always forget when i haven’t listened to it in awhile #i convince myself it’s probably not REALLY that good #and i’m proven wrong every single time #he put SOMETHING in those songs man - lemme tell you #idk if it’s because of where i was in my life when i got really into the album initially or what #but man.#they just fuck me up

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tomatoluvr69 · 8 months

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useless complaint post literally you don’t have to bother reading this it will just help me to rant a bit

This is sooooo not a real issue I’m just in the throes of pmdd but like I have a bunch of semi-expected (but way earlier than I’d thought) unemployed time so I’m using its alignment with the warm weather to go backpacking/live out of my car in [nearby national park and national forests] but right now I feel zero enthusiasm and I really hope it’s not gonna suck bc my heart’s not in it…like if I’m kind of doing it out of obligation bc it’s unusual to have such an extended span of time off when you’re an adult, then am I going to have the drive to get thru the parts that suck, like the exhaustion of steep trail days, the days when it storms so hard you have zero dry gear, etc. but really the part that I’m the most trepidatious about is the loneliness. But it’s so weird bc I’m struggling socially here and I really think some extended alone time would help?? But it’s always hard and I don’t want to lololol. Honestly what would help this the most is to just wait until after my fucking period. But as it is right now I feel like I’m just going thru the motions. If I could fucking live in my house for the equivalent amount of time without my social life encroaching I absolutely would but I’m so burnt out from my close friends leaving and from my last dear relationship here being at times really tough (it’s one that feels like my well-being rides on it— when it’s good, I’m on top of the world, when it’s not I’m hurt and confused and crawling out of my own skin). I still have a community here but it feels like it’s my roommates’ world, and I’m a guest whose presence is like…anodyne at best? And I really think I’ve just latched onto the idea of my trip as a vague mental escape hatch and haven’t really grasped the idea of the fact that I’ll still be present in my ailing brain and treacherous body when I go on the trip— I’m not just taking a nap from my (admittedly spoiled little baby) problems. And when I did the same thing for 3 or 4 weeks last summer I was dropped off & picked up, which created a really nice incentive to stay on trail— to leave, I’d have had to somehow communicate & coordinate with the relatives who’d agreed on a set date to come pick me up, i.e. effectively trapping me in the woods so I’d stay when I got all grumpy or sad or began semi-hallucinating human voices or was ready to throw it all away to get my hands on a slice of pepperoni pizza and a big old kombucha lol.

Anyways this is such not a real problem but me ol’ paranoid ass is convinced a whole passel of my irls have this blog’s url so I can’t freely complain about what’s really bothering me, which is that I’m starting to see harbingers of the devastating dissolution of my closest relationship. Or, even worse, my relegation to a much more distant connection. And I’m trying desperately to convince myself I should stay in this fucking town, because I’m suuuuuuuuper prone to just fleeing when I start to feel [inaudible], which is a super unsustainable way to live my life and o know it’s not [city] I’m trying to flee but myself which scientists are telling me I can’t physically do…but is that the truth?? Or is the truth that I actually do need a clean break from [redacted]…or is that just a convenient lie I’m telling myself so I can flee again. Or is THAT a convenient lie I’m telling myself so that I can keep my head in the sand and keep [redacted]. It’s so cool how you can’t trust your own heart and mind and you might just suffer from uncertainty forever and you’ll die chasing happiness with the grass always greener but also like pmdd and I don’t really want to go on this trip but I think I must. I think…

#like. even this trip itself is evidence that my nature is just a fucking flee-er.#and I think I’d settle for love but like that would require someone to love me. lol #and I’ve got some semblance of it here but it’s not enough and it’s very fucking painful. like what happens if the strongest ties you may #ever render are just enough. bc you’re not enough. lol #also I think I have to leave when I said I’d leave bc my internal shameometer prevents me from telling my male roommate I’m staying #solely to use the toilet during um well you know.#and also the more I come to terms with the fact that I’m almost definitely autistic the more I really can see how much masking fucking #drains me.#and the friends who left were the ones around whom I didn’t really feel the need to mask. but these social things the past few weeks have #fucking walloped me and I’m just :-( ;-( :-(#oops did not mean to make him wink.#and it just feels like the rest of my life is going to be a cycle of masking for long enough that someone likes me. and then being #abandoned by them for romantic relationships or some geographical distance reason or like ummm fucking liability by lorde reasons #ugsjkskwnenwjsmz :-( :-/

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