#I’m so lucky to have this family

[daenerysies]

“alicent making homophobic remarks the night of laena’s funeral isn’t cool considering laenor was shown to be heavily grieving his sister and didn’t deserve to be attacked during it (not to mention it was an obvious ploy on alicent’s part to divert attention from her committing literal treason).”

“b-bUT WHAT ABOUT DAEMON AND RHAENYRA FUCKING-“

i’m not gonna lie i don’t particularly care that they had sex that night. was it disrespectful? for sure. did it harm anyone for them to do it? it, in fact, did not. two consenting adults having sex away from prying eyes and keeping to themselves < an entitled boy purposely calling a girl at her mother’s funeral (whom he had never interacted with before) a pig and ridiculing her grief. laena’s storyline was cut short because the writers decided she wasn’t important enough to make into a proper character that isn’t at the mercy of other characters (it’s something i’m forever going to be salty about, daemon and rhaenyra loved her with all their hearts and were absolutely devastated when she passed) but out of those two scenarios who do you think she would be more upset with?

the people who bring this up in retaliation cannot handle alicent taking any criticism whatsoever. in all honesty i wouldn’t even care if her fans would just say ‘yeah, it was shitty. don’t really care though.’ it would at least save me the time of reading think piece after think piece on why alicent deserved to get her lick back against rhaenyra for her lot in life (caused by otto and viserys) by focusing on her pain rather than her son’s. these are the same people who try to claim that most of rhaenyra’s children and step children secretly hate her, due to wanting ‘complex and nuanced relationships’ to occur (they actually also can’t handle that rhaenyra was a great mom all around to all of her kids, and that maybe they need to be focusing those feelings on the green kids with their parents instead). let’s be serious for just one moment: it makes more sense that the children who were neglected by one parent and abused by the other having complicated familial feelings than children who were (for the most part) raised in a relatively stable and loving environment.

#house of the dragon #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targaryen #pro team black #anti team green #anti team green stans #anti alicent hightower #the ‘relatively stable’ environment comment is bc of alicent and criston’s abuse against the velaryon boys #i blame the writers entirely for these shit takes #‘the conqueror trio secretly hated each other’ #‘the team black kids secretly hate each other’ #‘all of rhaenyra’s kids secretly hated her’ #sounds like an allergy to let anyone you dislike have healthy family dynamics #have you all ever thought that maybe the kids who have horrible parents secretly hate each other? #be so fr you want the greens to be a happy-go-lucky #striving to beat the odds family #when that’s literally daemyra’s blended family #CANONICALLY #their parallel’s are the starks for a reason #i’m fine with people saying that maybe there’s some resentment building up but outright hate? #delusional #all of rhaenyra’s kids were willing to fight and die for their family #can the greens say the same?

[transbutchbluess]

i’m in this strange phase where i’m trying to explore my spirituality and to understand what divinity means to me and it’s just. hard. complex.

i was raised in an atheist family but now i know, deep down, that i am not an atheist. but atheism is still inscribed in my brain, the shame of worshipping, the shame of honoring the divine, as if it should be hidden, as if i was being irrational.

i have been practicing, or trying to practice, hellenic polytheism for a little while now. i keep going through phases of faith then of doubt. something isn’t quite right yet.

i love religions— all of them interest me. i just decided i wanted to read the Old Testament, so i’m reading the Genesis now. and i’ve been doing research on Judaism, out of curiosity. it fascinates me— but especially the rules. the constant connection to the divine, even in mundanity. the concept of every action having a purpose, of doing things a specific way and knowing why, of finding God everywhere and honoring God all the time. i see a lot of people being scared of religious obligations, of organized religion, and i understand how it can be dangerous at times, but i yearn for the order, for the meaning.

i want organized worship and i want to find God every day. i want to do everything with the intention of connecting to the divine. and yet i don’t know what the divine is, what God(s) is (are), and i still believe monotheism isn’t for me, something about it bothers me— but maybe it’s just christianity ? i don’t know anything anymore. i know polytheism interests me too and i know my autistic special interest is ancient greek religion and ancient cultures, but it’s hard to draw the line between what interests me due to my autism/simply because i find it amazing to learn about, and what interests me because it feels right and aligns with the way i perceive things.

so i keep doubting, i doubt and wonder and question and find myself irrational whenever i think of a God, or of multiple gods/Theoi. i know i believe in something. but there is this atheistic guilt, atheistic shame ?

i’m so lost.

and everyone i know is either an atheist or a usually-not-very-observant catholic. so exactly what i already know not to be for me.

#judaism #hellenic polytheism #religion #theology #religious beliefs #divinity #helpol #polytheism #monotheism #paganism #trying to figure out what religion makes sense for me #and it’s scary #quite often i wish i had been raised within an organized religion so that i could have felt the order and the rules and the meaning #and then could have decided for myself whether or not it felt right #i would never have felt good in christianity #and i know i’m lucky because being in an atheist family protected me from religious trauma #but still #i feel lonely #and purposeless #i’m still trying to find god(s)

[starbuck]

this morning was one of the most stressful of my life and then work restored my faith in humanity and the goodness of life thank god thank god thank god for other people

#i love my coworkers so much it’s unreal #and coworker-adjacent people AND the folks who come to our programs #i am truly blessed to have a job that makes me so so so happy #like obviously SOMETIMES things are stressful and sometimes shitty things happen #but ultimately we’re a great little family #i’m so lucky to worn with the people i do #and to be in a position where i know exactly what i am contributing to the team #i am going to get more office hot chocolate for my coworker tomorrow because she wants it and i would do anything for her

[freefolkfightorflight]

Making soup.

I put away some laundry

Answered a phone call.

Need to go to dmv 🙄 dreading it bad. Need to just try to make it happen tomorrow but it’s iffy with everything closing. Gotta get the kids by 11 from school.

I know this sounds like nothing but it’s a lot for me right now. I’m overwhelmed and weepy and struggling somethin fierce. But god damn this broth is exquisite.

#It’s really hard having just one person in your whole life. #I want a family sob #I need a mom and dad #siblings #I need help and it’s non existent #I don’t know what I’m going to do #re car #driving my bfs but I hate it bc I’m so scared I’ll mess it up somehow #it’s too tall for me and I can barely reach the pedals #I’m so scared of literally life right now and I’m not sure how to function in society #I’m drowning #I can’t afford a new car #I can’t afford anything #how do people make it? #my bf got me groceries so I’m not utterly desolate #the language culture barrier is real though #I’m lucky I’m not dead #I know that #but I’m in a head space where I wish I had atleast been placed in a coma for like a year 😳😫 #I know it’s awful #I’m not going to hurt myself.

[romance-incubomp3]

like if therapy and meds help you that’s so cool but it drives me insane how people treat those as some magical cure all that EVERYONE needs to seek out even though the psych industry is fucked and biased and not affordable and if trying to find a good therapist or find the right meds is doing nothing but causing you even more stress and anxiety even after you’ve been trying to get help for years than maybe it’s not worth it at that point

#do people just like forget that every med has a shit load of potential side affects?? #that can make your mental health and even physical health WORSE?? #like no one in my family has actually had meds work for them #they just kind of. didn’t do anything for me and my #brother is cursed with getting the Bad side effects of any medication he takes #so like #and when you have mental health conditions that entail #having an incredibly difficult time opening up emotionally or even talking about vulnerable topics #what’s the fucking point #I’d go thousands of dollars into debt before a therapist would ever get me to open up #and that’s IF I was lucky enough to find one that worked for me #also no psych is gonna solve the housing and economy crisis lol #they can’t do anything for me being depressed cause I’m stuck living in a tiny apartment crammed with other people! #even therapists and psychs have straight up told me I don’t seem to benefit from their services #idk just like. if you see that a mentally ill person isn’t on therapy or on meds by choice #consider there’s a reason for that and mind your own fucking business lol

[starscelly]

..

#ive been very lucky in that the last family member i remember passing away was when i was like 6 #like i’ve never really known any of them since #but my cat is dying from a really aggressive form of cancer #and probably only has a month at most #and now i’m having to go through this with my best friend #we got her right before christmas in 2015 #or maybe 14 #because our cat went missing and a man reached out thinking she was her #and she very clearly wasn’t #but the guy couldn’t take care of her so we took her home because we could #and she’s been my best friend basically since then #she’s always been there for me through the worst years of my life #she’s never left my side #when we took her home that first day she peed on me in the car lol #she still doesn’t like leaving the house #even though she used to beg outside of a gas station before us #and last night on the way to the hospital she peed on me again #so i guess it’s full circle in that way lol #idk what to do #we can’t see her until tomorrow #so i just have to sit here and act like my best friend isn’t dying #delete later #yap yap yapping #you don’t need to reach out or respond or anything i just. need to vent and i’ve exhausted everywhere else and i feel bad messaging friends

[driftwooddestiel]

hiding out in the bathroom at a family function . #slay

#it’s my mums side of the family aka the ‘rich’ side and it is so strange to be around them #bc i hardly ever see them and do not know them very well beyond my grandparents + they are so odd #my second(??) cousins who are like 6 and 8 are just sitting on their phones which is so strange like 😭 you are in yr one… why do you #have an ipjone…. #last time we met up (christmas) i got into a debate about capitalism with my great uncle and now i’m not allowed to talk abt politics w thi #side of the family fhshhdhshfhsh #but then that same uncle was just talking abt politics w my pa and talking about how they’re ‘so lucky to have been raised poor in the 50s’ #which i mean okay then . sure #anyway i’m getting out of the bathroom now bc i’ve abandoned my sister out there

[yuriprince]

i’ve seen a lot of my moots have been having a rough time lately cuz of the holiday season so i just wanna say. if you are having a rough time rn, you are cordially invited to my birthday party :) i will give you a slice of cake and we can play games to take your mind off things

#i’m very lucky that i have a pretty chill family but i know there are Tons of people who do not #so just know that i’m in your corner this year :) #tea time!

[zlovestea]

Thirteen is my first ever doctor. I still remember when I was around 10/11 and me and my family sat down to watch the woman who fell to Earth, and that’s when I fell inlove with the show. This era has bought me such joy, has inspired me! It got me back into drawing and now after 5 years I’m planning on studying art in college, all because of thirteens era. Thirteens era also helped me realise my sexuality, lesbian, specifically Yaz. Yaz always bought a comfort to me, I love her so much as a character. I want to thank Thirteens Era for raising me through my teen years. I love Thirteens era, and when it’s over, it’ll never be gone for me <3

#I’m very sorry if this was cheesy #I just wanted to show my love for the era #thank you Chibnall #thank you Jodie and Mandip #thank you Doctor who #I also wanna thank my amazing family i am so lucky to have them <3 #thasmin #yasmin khan #doctor who #thirteenth doctor #the power of the Doctor #jodie whittaker #mandip gill #dr who

[positivelyapunovexponent-good]

graduate school application fees have me carefully plotting out how exactly to make $78 in groceries last three weeks. I thought the stressful part would be over once I submitted my last application (which I did yesterday! I am very proud of myself!) but no the financial fallout is just beginning

#I’ll be fine- I’m really lucky my girlfriend’s family is so kind and packed me a bunch of frozen venison #And snacks and all manner of other good food. So that will go a long way #Plus while cleaning out the freezer my housemates and I found a big bag of Lima beans I had forgotten about that’s still good #Which means I’ll still get vegetables in without having to spend money on fresh produce #But gddamn I’m really feeling the expenses pile up- on top of other things like vet bills and money for tickets to fly out to a conference #at the end of this month (although maybe I get get my school to reimburse me for that #I need to get on it). I am proud to have gotten a talk slot though! And I am grateful to be able to pay the application fees at all #Even if it hurts a bit. But also perhaps the system is a bit broken if you need to shell out this much for the privilege of being rejected #(probabilistically speaking) #*sigh* #vent #graduate school jeremiad #personal #finances cw #food cw

[sammygender]

thinking about how one of the last things john ever tells dean is an admittance that the way he treated him was fucked. & of course this destroys dean and makes it so much harder for him to come to terms w his death right after and with his childhood in general bc he’s spent his entire life chasing after johns approval. he’s spent his entire life telling himself that the way he was treated was okay and justified and that their childhood was good because he could handle it and he was strong enough and that was how it had to be. he’s worshipped john as a hero and seen nothing wrong with any of it. because he’s had to. his entire life is built around this idea there’s nothing else. he’s his dads perfect soldier and punching bag and wife-replacement and suddenly his dads gone & he said he’s sorry and that he shouldn’t have treated dean that way. what the hell is he supposed to do now.

#augh. i don’t know i haven’t seen enough of this show yet but. #thinking about that episode with the abused kid who has psychic powers like sams and sam sees himslef in the kid a lot #but is horrified by the extent of the abuse and keeps saying like. Dean i never thought i’d say this but you’re right dad was pretty good i #guess we were really lucky to have him. it could’ve turned out a very different way. #and deans just like. idk there’s something about his face. like he wants to agree cause this is what he’s always saying but he Cant. #because. well. sams thinking about this kid with circumstances so similar to him who ended up entirely victimised by his father and #thinking Wow i had something that kid didn’t. i had MY dad who was so much better after all (despite kicking me out of the house and #always refusing to support me but wtv) #but really the thing sam had was DEAN. #dean as sam’s protector and john’s golden child and the adult of the family. dean as the person #john winchester comes home to after a hunt the person who tells him it’s okay #dean playing the part of his dead mom and still shielding sammy from the worst of their father and as a result internalising that this was #fine. #what the hell is he going to do now that his fathers dead? after his fathers dead and wrong and theoretically morally weak and admitted hed #raised dean badly? #IDK!!! i’m sure excited to see him continue to break down though #(have just finished s2e2 for future me ref) #supernatural #<- Sorry guys i’m batshit obsessed. #father by the front bottoms dean song of all time #spn #oliver talks

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

[allalrightagain]

When I was 16 I hit a mailbox with my car.

It was very early, and I was trying to be helpful and clear the driveway to snowblow. I’d cleaned the snow off the car, but it was so cold and so humid that I hadn’t accounted for the frost immediately icing over the windshield.

I was going maybe 5mph but I couldn’t see, and when I hit something I panicked and just… kept going. At 5mph. And slowly rolled over what I later found out was my neighbor’s mailbox.

I knew I had made a mistake, hell I knew in that moment I was making a mistake. But once I’d started rolling over it, I was worried it was worse to stay parked on top of whatever it was that I’d hit.

If I hadn’t had multiple witnesses, I don’t know what lengths I would have gone to not own up to my mistake, but my whole family watched me do it, absolutely dumbfounded, as I panicked and made what was probably the worst possible decision and then leaned in.

Anyway this post is about Peter Pettigrew.

#this is a true story by the way #i’m endlessly thankful that that neighbor liked but didn’t really know us #and moved away for unrelated reasons only a year or so later #lt talks #hp #peter Pettigrew #i’m very very lucky it wasn’t worse #but in all fairness I have not hit a house or a forest preserve or an office building #so I’m doing better than some family members

[bobson-dugnut]

I’ve decided i am going to do as much as I can, as well as I can, for as long as I can

#the world is falling apart and nothing is certain and I don’t have much hope for the future #but I feel like I’ve come to a conclusion that doesn’t sugar coat it while also not allowing me to fall into nihilism #so for as long as I can #I’ll do the best I can #and adjust accordingly #I can still make things #I have a job and a family I love and a lot of friends #my life is filled with great people and I’m very lucky #and if I keep myself busy I feel a bit less anxious and depressed #I feel like I SHOULD be a bit depressed #cause look at everything lol #I don’t want to be ignorant to what’s going on #but also if I fully just give up then that’s not fighting either ya know? #the things I care about are still here and they need supporting

[stockholmgf]

:)

#feeling good about this year guys #i was jotting down any future schedule conflicts i’d have this year for work #went to put down my family’s birthdays and realized most of them happen after i leave for school #which obviously i was aware was coming up but it hit! still 8 months to go but i’m so excited #went apartment shopping with the future roomie today! #and i am SO FCKING EXCITED ABOUT THAT PLACE #the location on campus is PERFECT and i’m in a stem community that offers me so many resources i am so excited and lucky #and i just miss my campus so much i can’t wait to get back #i’m applying for labs and scholarships and internships #and it’s hard to keep myself focused on present times i keep forgetting i have a whole semester and a half to go but whatever #classes start next week i’m excited! #i only have 4 this semester. 2 of them are 5 credits but whateve #i made a friend that’s gonna sit with me in one of my classes and i think that’ll be nice #someone to hold me responsible #might add a chemistry major? we’ll see how this sem goes! #feelin happy! well rested eating well drinking water and reading more! #happy new year <3