#I’m tired of being treated bad

[goldkirk]

CONTENT WARNING for weight loss (a percentage number) and mentions of throwing up

In other news I'm waiting impatiently for a GI appointment to tell them "hi I lost 15% of my body weight in six months and I throw up more often than once or twice a year now so can you please fucking listen and do something this time"

#brought to you by my fatigue and current nausea again #I am. so bad mood last night and so exhausted sad mood today #I’m TIRED #I FEEL BAD #I HATE BEING SICK BUT I HATE NOT BEING TREATED FOR BEING SICK EVEN MORE #NO ONE HAS LISTENED AND TRIED TO HELP SINCE 2017 WITH THIS #I am BEGGING #hello. I’m back. #have I lost enough weight this time? #does throwing up now give me bonus points? #am I sick enough for you to help now??? #or do i still look too healthy?? #I. AM. TIRED. #I considered stopping trying even for a couple week to let them see #how bad it would get if not for my constant efforts with movement and timers for snacks and planning out salt amounts etc #but that would wreck me so bad I don’t feel like digging out of that hole while work is busy coming up #UGH IGNORE ME IM DONE #shh katie #health

[averagemrfox]

I want Ruby to go apeshit on Neo so bad just fully lose it bc “oh you’re hurt and upset because you lost someone you care about and blame me for it? What about everyone I’ve lost because of you?”

#rwby #Ruby rose #neo politan #which is not right it’s not a game of who has lost the most #but Ruby is in a bad spot right now and already lashed out at her friends and family #I cannot imagine she’ll treat someone who’s been trying to kill her for several years with any amount of sympathy #aren’t you tired of being nice? don’t you just want to go apeshit #it’s so messy all of it and I’m here for it and I’m especially here for the catharsis that’ll come from when they begin to heal #also I don’t think neo is heartless/undeserving of redemption #I don’t know what redemption looks like for her yet #but I still think about when she tried to kill Ruby in v8 but got yang instead #there was the briefest look of shock on her face

[im-still-watching-anime]

whyyy do some people flirt by treating you like a child

#what do you MEAN you were flirting when you said that to me #it was condescending babe!!! #hello naruto blog im here to complain about Dating™️ #i hate it and no one should do it #i KNOW a lot of flirting is being really nice to each other or sweet etc #but i just REALLY hate when people go too hard and verge into the babying territory #like i KNOW what you’re going for and i’m TRYING to be understanding and patient #but girl please CHILL #and treat me like an actual human adult for two seconds because good lord #i thought i already made it clear i wasn’t interested too but!! she keeps going!! #like why!! #pls leave me alone!!! #ughhhhhh #sorry #i am just Very Tired of this #and people being condescending or babying me just really gets on my nerves even when it’s not with bad intentions #flirting BAD sometimes #life junk #venting

[elfyourmother]

that rant I made a while back abt fandom treating haurche like a fridged woman is sitting on my spirit again

yeah I know ppl can write what they want, curate my space etc but if I blocked everyone who did this I would literally have no one to interact w in the ishgardian corner and this is exactly why it’s so frustrating

#some days I really feel like snapping and going into the proverbial wilderness #I just do not want to read see or perceive any more of this ‘he died to make my wol a better hero’ shit anymore #and that is literally all anybody does #I am tired of my favorite character being treated like this #like nothing in his life mattered #like HE didn’t matter #except for dying and making ppl sad and cry and be comforted by ‘real npc li’ #hell is being a fan of his in 2023 #im sorry I’m just inundated with this today and I was already in a bad brain space #negativity cw

[teamfortresstwo]

Y’know what friends with benefits doesn’t have to lead to romance. Sometimes two buds get together to fuck and then chill on the couch being pals . Nothing wrong with that.

#aroallo and I’m soooo tired of sex being treated as morally bad or constantly attatched to romance #like !!!! no !!!! sex is morally neutral !!!! and you can have sex with people you are romantically interested in at all !!!!!!!!!!

[vote-loki]

Not to like “oh woe is me” post but I feel like I can vent on tumblr since it’s idk tumblr. But I was SO excited for my final semester of undergrad this summer and then almost immediately after I got here in August I began struggling very deeply in ways I have never struggled before. Like confused 24/7, missing assignments because I was too tired to even get out my phone let alone my laptop, forgetting everything including what I’m doing or where I’m supposed to be and even classroom locations on a campus I’ve been at for 4 and 1/2 years. Losing things constantly, randomly loosing grip strength and dropping things, horrible brain fog, waking up feeling like I’m shaking 24/7 but everyone telling me I’m not shaking anywhere when I ask, issues walking, dizziness, vertigo. I’ve been having such extreme fatigue I can’t even get out of bed to pee until it hurts because I’m just too tired. This has been happening since August. Which I assumed this was bad depressive episode so I had them double my antidepressants, and then nothing got better.

But then like two months ago I woke up with this pain in the left upper corner of my right eye. Just a spot the size of my fingertip. And it had me in so much pain I was throwing up. So I thought “I’m a big kid, I have migraines like this all the time.” and I took some of my medicine for that. But it didn’t go away. It lasted for a whole day. When it came back a few days later I decided maybe it was sinus pressure, so I took some allergy meds and some cold meds for a week while it was hurting off and on. But that didn’t work. And then it came back and I got a migraine over top of it. So it wasn’t that. And FINALLY last week it got so bad I couldn’t see out of my eye, the pain had been constant for about four days, and I was so dizzy I could barely walk. So my mom drove an hour out of state to pick me up and an hour back down to take me to the er, who promptly sent me to their on call opthamolagist who, after a serious of very very bright lights directly to my hella dilated pupils, told me my optical nerve is swollen and I need and mri.

Which is FUCKING STUPID that my optical nerve is causing me this much pain. But whatever.

Anyway the day after I went to the er and saw the eye doctor I had a follow-up with my primary care physician, and he said “oh yeah, they’re gonna want that mri urgently. We want to make sure you don’t have ms. Your symptoms are consistent and optical neuritis is often one of the first things ms patients experience before diagnosis.” like girl? If I have ms that chose to present itself by incapacitating me to the point I am failing my final semester of undergrad, and may not be able to fix it, I am going to lose my mind. It couldn’t have presented itself six months from now?????? There’s no confirmation it’s me yet until after my mri, but still. Whatever this is has me pissed tf off. Show up at a different time.

All that being said. Here’s a meme I made about it using a screenshot from one of my fave vines because I’m actually coping and not at all having a sort of hypochondria spiral and doing as much research on it as possible. That would be weird.

#no but actually when googling symptoms I have like 90% of the ‘common early symptoms’ of ms. #anyway like. whatever witch cursed me???? I’d like to be uncursed now. #I also have been having these like random spasms where I throw my arm?? #the best way I know how to describe it is it’s LIKE a tic except it doesn’t repeat so I know it isn’t a tic #it’s more of a violent twitch. AND my right eyelid has been bugging out and twitching like crazy. #there are other symptoms but I really just wanted to vent #actually no the numbness in my hands and feet sucks donkey dick #there isn’t anything wrong with having ms like in a real way. it’s just when it chose to present itself is so upsetting to me #I really wish it could’ve happened after I finished my semester #this is so unfair that my future might be jeopardized just because my doctors weren’t listening to me in august #I’ve been saying this is happening and it’s LIKE my depressive episodes and LIKE my migraines and LIKE when you get really bad sinus #pressure but I’ve also been being abundantly clear that these aren’t normal symptoms for me when any of those things #I’m TOO tired for it to bed my depression. especially with everything else. #it’s not sinuses and I have had migraines ontop of it and that pain stayed constant. #and if I didn’t listen to my doctor when he was it was nothing maybe I’d be being treated already. maybe it wouldn’t have destroyed my fina #semester of undergrad. dawg I just wanted to graduate college. #long post #vent #personal #adding generic tags so people who filter long post or vent in the tags don’t have to see

[forcedjuggalofication]

narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real narcissistic abuse isn’t real n

#vent/rant in tags #some people are JUST ABUSIVE. #i’m not gonna lie - it hurts so fucking bad to have done so much work all by myself - untreated - unmedicated - no resources - #just guesswork - just to have it not fucking matter because people discard me the SECOND they learn about my #TRAUMA BASED fucking disorder. #it’s not my fault. i was a CHILD. i was a CHILD who should have been cared for - not neglected - isolated - and abused. #i’m sorry that maybe some people take that and repeat the cycle - but everything about that told me that i HAVE to be BETTER - #i CANNOT repeat those same fucking behaviours that wounded me so deeply and ruined my fucking life #IT IS NOT MY FAULT. #and you know fucking what? my biggest abuser had NPD - and i rejected my diagnosis for YEARS. because of terms like narc abuse. #and because people demonized him on the basis of being a narcissist instead of on the basis of being an abuser. #rejecting my diagnosis only hurt me more - and hurt the people around me more. #i am so tired. i’m just a person. i am just a human being. i try so hard - i don’t even want recognition or praise for trying - #i’m just tired of being thrown away - i’m tired of being treated like my abuser just because of my diagnosis #he quite literally tried to murder me - believe me if you want - i don’t care - i was a child and he tried to murder me and i still think #that there is no excuse to demonize NPD just because he has it. #fuck all the way off - go die - i don’t care #none of my friends would ever know i have NPD because i’m not a fucking stereotype - i’m not an evil monster - i don’t want to hurt anyone- #the way i’ve been hurt - i NEED to be the best - i NEED to be as good as possible #stop demonizing my disorder - please - i am begging #screaming into the void #NPD #narc abuse #narcissistic abuse

[cherrysnax]

need to preface this by saying I looooove Felicia sm but god it’s so frustrating that when she pops up she gets to keep her personality, her depth, her everything, even in like her very few appearances but MJ has to get EVERYTHING WIPED AWAY even in the comics??? but literally the only close to faithful adaptions of her are spectacular, some of the 90s show and PART of the raimi movies and it’s only slivers!!!! And usually if mjs around Gwen doesn’t exist so we never the catalyst to her and peters bond, their shared grief that Peter can’t understand at first <\3

#and tbh Felicia is getting done DIRTY rn #but so is like. everyone rn #aand I hate to compare two bad bitches to each other #but what I liked about mj Felicia and Gwen is how DIFFERENT THEY ARE #i hate how they make post death Gwen into some pure angel as if she didn’t hate superhero’s and woulda leave Peter a verbal lashing #because she didn’t know he was spider-man when she died and that’s the tragedy!!! Gwen was never perfect none of them were #mj. god I can’t even talk about her without getting angry. they’re massacring my girls yall #even outside of their relationships with Peter they were such rich characters… Gwen a lil less but still! #I just want a semi-faithful adaption of spider-man in his college years up until adulthood #let him be a science teacher let mj be a model/actress/drama teacher who despite not being a superhero knows something about living two live #let Felicia be her morally grey self without taking away her depth #let Gwen rest. I’m #tired of them bringing her back and holding her over peters head as if he didn’t finally get to move on. he loved her. he loved her so much #that he respects her memory by not letting the world stop anymore. she’s dead but let her have her anger her flaws. the fact that she was #a bit of a bully in the beginning was interesting!!! I love women <3 #anyway I’m gonna read renew ur vows and parralell lives and maydays run and pretend Peter b Parker is 616 Peter #also also this isn’t to say the Felicia doesn’t get watered down too because she does. they treat her so bad

[nope-body]

.

#I fucking hate how my dad has essentially told me that it’s my fault I’m in so much pain #not that he’d ever acknowledge how much pain I’m actually in #but I just keep getting told that my general physical condition is my fault and I’m a burden for needing more support than others #and that I don’t know what I need or how to take care of myself and just generally that I’m bad for being disabled #not that anyone would ever say that I’m disabled #and I just hate it! I’m so tired of it #I’m tired of my dad treating exercise like a cure and my mom supporting me only when my dad isn’t around and never in any meaningful way #and I’m tired of feeling like an unlovable burden when I’m in so much pain that I can’t stand #because it’s really getting to my head! I almost texted my friend asking them if they were sure they wanted to be roommates with me because #I might be in pain sometimes and that might impact them #like. what the fuck!? they already know I’m disabled and they’re disabled too! and we support each other and we are more than aware of what #being roommates consists of. my parents are just getting into my head to the extent that I feel like I shouldn’t be around people because #I’m a burden and unlovable due to my pain and I would tell anybody else that that’s wrong #so why am I letting myself believe it? #also I keep saying that my parents are getting better but I don’t think they’ve changed. They can communicate a bit better but #their feelings are the same and that’s the problem. they don’t understand and they don’t care until they’ve had time to think about it #about it and normally I’d be fine with that but when you’re stuck on the floor crying in pain you just want someone to care #you don’t want to wait until your health comes up weeks later in a conversation #you just want compassion and someone to be there with you and tell you it’ll be okay #they have never done that

[oopziedaisy]

Always swinging between “if I know what certain kinds of pain are like then I should want to spare others of that pain” and “if the pain I go through is going to be brushed off by others as simply being a part of life then fine, I’ll make sure others get to experience the painful regularities of life just as I do”

#in a bad mood #obviously the right thing to do is to treat people the way you wish you had been treated #but buttons get pushed and I’m tired of being nice #I want to go apeshit

[milo-is-rambling]

Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)

#my back and shoulder are killing me and I’ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad #so I’m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow #I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that #I’m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever #out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it #down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired #5) period tired and chronic pain tired #like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did #nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours that’s itttttt #like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work #like I’m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind #gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the #heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle #my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe there’s somewhere I want to live that has #an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe that’s an added way for me to figure out where I want to #move #hmmm okay I’m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and I’m just gonna daydream and try to fall #asleep and I’ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo #going to think about the future because I want to live !!!! #anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother #and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until I’m back to smoking constantly to the point where I’m making myself sick and #then I’ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and that’ll lead me into saving money again #or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed #either way I’m going to smoke all summer it’s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it #it’s gonna suck and I’m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and it’ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and I’ll come out of #the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am #and then I’ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression. #I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a #bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like #weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible

[sharkieboi]

had a breakdown cause of a work-related thing and texted my boss that i’d like to chat with her about said thing and she just responded “okay” which i logically know is the appropriate response to your employee texting you at 8pm asking to speak with you this week but also my brain is so fried that i’m ready to cry again just thinking about potentially having this conversation with her if she feels like she needs to be on the defensive

#shhh sharkie #like idk how else to say it but if i have to explain that i have ptsd from a traumatic situation that happened at work #and a recent work thing treated my feelings on that extremely inappropriately by #a) staging a staff injury drill in the location i was injured in. #and b) then putting me on the spot and asking me about my experience being injured #and then compounding with outside of work a friend narrowly avoiding a traumatic accident #and then also working a six day week cause i’m covering and saturday being an absolute shitshow #cause we have this one team member who can’t get her shit together and makes life more difficult for us all. #anyway. started my week on a very very very bad note and i’m not looking forward to the rest of everything #i’m tired. i’d like to stop having flashbacks. any moment now. thanks.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

when your roommates take down the decorations you and your gf hung up around the living room without asking or telling us🤩

#it would’ve been fine if they asked #if they said ‘hey my parents are coming over can we take some of these down?’ we would’ve said yes #but the fact that they took them down without asking us wHEN WE PAID FOR THEM and put them in a pile with the tape still on them so they’re #all sticking to each other… literally it’s so disrespectful #sorry for complaining about this so much i’m just so tired of not being respected or treated kindly #i hate that there’s twenty+ empty alcohol bottles on display on our kitchen but we don’t just throw them away!!! #like my God #sorry y’all it’s been a Bad week and grace and i are done

[bunieboo]

love how my brain won’t stop until it sees me as the crazy one when he literally treated me like shit for shits n giggles til I finally broke and told him to kill himself likeeeeeeeee i have to dissect this feeling of needing to take the blame of other people’s motions and think it’s my fault. It’s always you’re too naive, too sensitive, too giving it’s always that and the need to be liked by ppl who wouldn’t care if I died. Shoutout the smiths. But I have to assume it deals with childhood trauma, having to take blame of things I didn’t do, always having to put up a front for piers and if I didn’t it’s humiliation…like I get it but after you realize all these things how do you get out of it..I’ve accepted and now its on repeat step by step and it starts with that poor excuse of a man

#like half of my brain is like Aaliyah ur not fit for this type of dating ppl get treated like this all the time and they’re fine bc they #have another person on the way but I don’t I can’t stand the sight of talking to another when I’ve given so much joy to someone who laughed #at it…its reckoning and it’s not like i won’t love again I will I barely liked that guy it’s just I’m so tired of feelin like shit over #things I can’t and can control..I gotta keep repeating he goes to hell until I believe it. #and yes I know I’m being dramatic but this is the hell I’ve experienced everyday day since JANUARY….this constant back and forth I want it #to end so so bad I don’t even want him I just want to slap the fuck outta of him and I will never get that and it’s driving me mad

[futureghost97]

personal rambling in tags

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#I don’t even know how to explain my mental state lately #I’ve never felt hotter I’ve never felt worse about my body I’ve never been more private I’ve never had more people in my life up my ass #even more intense than the feeling of being unfuckable and my anxiety flare-ups whenever I feel particularly aware of my body #is the fear that people are getting bored of me #that I’m just not enough to hold their interest anymore‚ or that they’re tired of hearing about how I’m doing‚ especially when it’s bad #sorry for treating this like a diary #but I just don’t know. it feels like everyone is getting bored of me because I’m an exhausting person #and I hate being 25 I hate being the age that my brother was when he bought his first house with his now-wife #I hate feeling like everyone is watching me all the time but no one is interested #I wish I could just… disappear for a year without any repercussions and do the things I need to do and then come back

[magnus-and-the-dragon]

just drank a coffee for the first time in like six years so if i die everyone pls remind me i am simply experiencing the consequences of my own actions

#I STOPPED DRINKING IT BC I SUSPECTED IT WAS A MIGRAINE TRIGGER #the problem being that i mostly only drank coffee when stressed / sleep deprived #which are ALSO migraine triggers! so i was never Sure #and i’ve been wanting to try the salted caramel cold foam so bad #and also i already felt like GARBAGE today. super tired. #and i have Nothing to do for the next two days so! decisions were made #pray for me #i’m not a Huge coffee person but i do love coffee flavored desserts #and also sometimes i get a random craving for a sweet lil coffee drink #so it would be nice to be able to have a little here n there. as a treat. #it is Not worth the migraines on a regular basis though. #i cut out PARMESAN to avoid migraines and parmesan was one of my favorite foods In The World #so if it does trigger a problem coffee doesn’t have a Chance