#I’m trying to get a good night sleep

[monkeybebop]

They are in love guys, I promise

Nacho’s just waiting for Lalo to stfu

#based on some image I found on insta lmao #DUDE I’m so tired I’ve been getting to sleep deprived trying to finish art #once I start I can’t stop #it just be like that sometimes #will I ever learn how to like the way I draw them?? who knows! #I just wanna dump this somewhere lmao #my art #versacebong art #digital art #artist on tumblr #character art #doodles #better call saul #lalo bcs #lalo salamanca #nacho varga bcs #nacho varga better call saul #lalo x nacho #lacho #tengo un chingo de sueño no mames #mátame #alright guys hope you all have a good day or night :)

[why-the-heck-not]

no those aren’t weird sex noises coming from ur neighbour’s apartment; it’s ur local insomniac slap & folding bread dough in the wee hours of the morning

#also I was doing that for wayy too long bc I think I autolysed a bit too long so the gluten structure just isn’t gonna be the best no matter #how angry I am at the dough but also idk why I’m bothering bc I’m also 80% sure the sourdough starter is not ready for bread yet #so like I’m going to have the densest loaf tmrw morning/this evening #this is a trial run abt if I remember how to make bread and if I'll actually have something edible it's a bonus #also it truly is meditative so I lost track of time bc ugh the texture of dough is just very nice #good thing abt naming it (the starter) Elvis that I now have my ’’bread making music’’ set and it’s honestly vibes #also yeah in a phase where I sleep abt every other night (unless I like rly rly try but even then it’s like max 4h and I dont get it and I #hate the process of desperately trying to get sleep more than like wasting time making inedible bread) #a human disaster but at least I will have bread #a very dense bread probably but bread nonetheless #march 2024 #2024

[orowyrm]

i just have to keep reminding myself that i cannot let the grief and anguish paralyze me. we mourn yes god do we mourn but if we waste away in our sorrow who will be left to carry on. yknow. it’s far too easy to sink into despair but we have to keep moving, keep living for everyone who cannot. i just have to keep pounding it into my head over and over that giving up is tantamount to not caring at all

#all of this to say: as much as i ache i need to take care of myself.i’ve barely eaten i need to go get food in me #and try to get some fucking sleep. any amount. #i’m putting my phone down for the night hopefully for good this time. love y’all please be safe

[artblueminecraftorchid]

Saturday Morning Confessional

Hell lingers behind every shadow;

I leave the lights on, yet they stay.

Electricity bills climb higher,

Nights get longer,

Temperatures colder.

You’d think Hell could pay a heating bill

Once in a while, but in spite,

The nickels and dimes stack up.

I miss the sun.

This daughter of God thrives on routine,

But the clock shifts back and forth;

The government’s grasping attempt

At brighter mornings. Bitter as I may be,

I am grasping with them.

Light, light, God grant me more light;

Even if it casts shadows, at least

I’m not in the dark.

For all the scrambling to daylight,

I sleep longer, frittering away

Morning hours. Shorter days chopped

Ever slimmer. I used to sleep

When the sun went down; beat the

Dark to my bedrest and

Flee from the fear. Now, it’s 6:30PM,

The night already creeping, dinner

Not yet made. I stay awake,

Forget time, shiver in the gloom.

It does not bode well for winter.

Thanks be to God, who turns the planets on their axes

My alarms went off on a Saturday, and

I could not get back to sleep. Thanks be

To God, from whom the sunrays burst

In helium-synthesis glory; the day was

Majesty’s declaration, cool and bright and joyful.

Thanks be to God, I got up early, amen.

The laundry’s in the dryer, the food bought

For the week, the carpets are all vacuumed;

I’m resting, not asleep. May every chore I do

Be prayer and praise together:

Thanks be to God, I’m having a good day.

Hell lingers behind every shadow;

May God’s angels clear them away.

#orchids write poetry #I’m not sure if it’s really sufficient to call it seasonal affective disorder #but I do get more sad and tired as the days get shorter #I miss the sun #and this fall I’ve had a lot of change. wresting w roommate troubles #wrestling with my faith. trying to find God without being consumed with fear or anger. #and tbh I’m kinda at the point where most days I’m Goin Through It a little bit #but last night I called my friends and talked about a lotta stuff #and had a real good sleep and dreamed about visiting them irl #and today I woke up early and thanks to some encouragement was able to get a lot done #(by a lot I mean grocery shopping. laundry. vacuuming. and taking out the trash) #for me that’s a lot of chores to do. but I did them! and now I can rest while I wait for my clothes to dry. #and then fold them and put them away #and maybe if I’m feeling so brave about it #I’ll change the sheets on my bed.

[dottores]

the past few days have been wonderful 😍

#— vent #my dog is hurt :’) #we don’t know what exactly is wrong with him but #he can’t climb stairs or jump or walk properly #i’m rlly worried #i was so upset last night because he kept trying to jump on my moms bed because that’s where he likes to sleep #and he kept crying because he couldn’t #he tried so hard :’) #my grandad has gotten into 2 accidents in the past 2 weeks #both minor but :’) #his alzheimer’s is getting so bad we have to tell him he can’t drive anymore #and on top of all this i’m rlly struggling with what to do it it’s something #my bf is not giving me good options 🥲 he just wants me to remove myself from the situation but #i don’t want to #i’m just tired of ppl complaining to me about stuff and then doing the stuff they complained about to me like #:’) what does that say :’) #and on top of allllll of that #we had a mass for my grandma yesterday and idk :’) #i’m just not in the best headspace right now sobs #if you’re still here reading thru all of this i’m giving u a smooch #sorry for dumping it all :’) #i’ll answer asks & messages in the morning :’) i’m exhausted mentally and physically and need to sleep

[cerealmonster15]

Twst is so funny I literally forget it’s a Disney property and then they’re like “here look at this fever dream scene from Aladdin to help you break out of dorm jail. also literal Mickey Mouse himself is your sleep paralysis demon and lives inside your mirror. Don’t worry about it.” like wh

#It’s so jarring every time they do that lol #Stop showing me the great seven statues it freaks me out #<- been a twst fan for almost 3 years now and I still get jumpscared #Or my during a side event I’m watching with my friend #She’s always catching when stuff they’re talking about is another disney property ref #Bc I almost never notice or get it lmao #Mickey in my mirror at night: yeah my friends Donald and goofy- #Me screaming: stop talking to me go away I’m scared #Tbh tho it’s just bc he was so ducking terrifying the first like 2-3 times #Why did they introduce him in the literal scariest way possible #YOU ARE ASLEEP AND A HORRIFYINGLY OMINOUS SHADOW IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR #AND IS KNOCKING. A SHADOW IS KNOCKING. ITS TRYING TO TALK TO YOU. NO ONE ELSE KNOWS. ok anyway good morning did u sleep well :) #NO!!!!

[didsomeonesaybuffet]

.

#ooooh I’m on the verge of spiralling a bit I think #like I’m okay #on the whole #I think? #but like #idk I think everyone dislikes me and finds me annoying which is understandable but it doesn’t feel good #probably need an early night #gonna try and sleep myself back to being okay #alright I love you #even though sometimes things aren’t great they get better #you’re loved you’re loved you’re so loved #I think I miss some people but I feel like it’s gonna come off so weird if I tell them #anyway

[charliesinfern0]

tonight I am going to bed at 1 AM!!!!

#I’ve been staying up really late for the past week which hasn’t been good for me #the latest that I stayed up was around 4 #so every night after that I’ve been trying to go to bed a bit earlier until I get back to my normal sleep schedule #I stayed up until 2:30 last night working on self ship art >_< #I’m really excited to show u guys bc I’ve been working on it for a while :) #but!!! sleep comes first #so don’t even TRY to disturb me I’m going to be like this u_u zzzz #hehe ^^

[milo-is-rambling]

I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn

#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist #anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind #nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work #into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup. #can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro #what the hell okay fine #well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every #part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again #I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge #fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my #brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame #for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man #idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs #which is good that means it’s working #I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake #later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

[nellectronic]

add “friday night parties” to the list of things I am NOT gonna miss about living in a dorm… I mean noisy neighbors were already on there but this specifically bothers me on so many levels

#see normally I’d just put on my noise cancelling headphones and it’d be whatever but #I am so determined not to fuck up my piercing #and I really don’t wanna tell them to shut up bc it sounds like they’re having fun and I’m in an especially too nice for my own good mood #and! I do genuinely earnestly want them to have fun. I am NOT a hater!! just bc I never got to do any sort of partying and never really #wanted to anyway doesn’t mean I’m gonna project that onto anyone else #but on the other hand friday nights specifically are sacred to me #as the first night of the weekend where I get to sleep in and the first night I don’t have to worry about assignments due the next morning #and also as a kind of religious thing #I don’t really observe shabbat anymore but I never was able to get used to the friday night = party time association #and I don’t particularly want to!! friday nights are for chillin and I like it that way. #anyway all this to say I am trying to enjoy my chill evening and there is NOISE and I’m not gonna do anything about it (at least #until Official Quiet Hours start) but I absolutely will complain #I convinced my mom to get a library card and give me the number so I can read books on libby #(would have gotten one myself but idk if I qualify for one at the library near my school and I’ll be gone in a few months anyway) #and now I am TRYING to read lockwood & co book 1 #(yes it is technically a middle grade series. yes I am twenty two years old. if the show is anything to go by it’s a more accurate #portrayal of teenagers than any media I consumed as an actual teen. let me live) #but alas. The Noise #and yeah I know noisy neighbors are not exclusively a dorm thing but I can’t imagine a normal apartment will be nearly this bad #also to be clear this is not a weekly occurrence #I don’t actually think these particular neighbors have given me any issues before #which is part of why I’m feeling so patient with them… probably too patient tbh #I should probably delete this later #probably shouldn’t post it at all but oh well. what’s the point of life if you can’t share every minor annoyance with #a bunch of strangers on the internet? #screams into the void

[flippedorbit]

maybe i should see if i can get melatonin gummies <-has been trying to sleep for several hours. it is almost 5am.

#Rasp Rambles #at this point i’m willing to try anything to get a good night’s sleep