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#I’ve always been good at searching and digging for info
disasterarea-podcast · 9 months
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Ooo, okay, so once that last post offered up a suggestion to watch “Air Crash Investigations” - which isn’t what I was looking but I appreciate the suggestion all the same - I thought I’d share a list of disaster documentary shows and YT channels for anyone who’s got time to kill and wants more disaster info. (I’m not going to link directly to stuff, just because of location and access and whatnot. Google and check how you can watch these in your area. 😊)
So all the ones I can think of:
Air Crash Investigations/Air Disaster/Mayday, obviously. There’s something like twenty seasons so there’s lots to watch.
Seconds from Disaster, which is really good if having diagrams and reconstructions help you understand stuff. They cover lots of different disasters, and I think there are seven seasons or so.
Minute by Minute, which is a lot like SfD in that it establishes the timeline of disasters, where people were at what time, etc.
Disasters of the Century. It’s a Canadian show that uses Papyrus font and looks like it was made for five bucks. I adore it. It covers some smaller disasters and ones I’ve never seen covered elsewhere despite their significance. You can usually find all the episodes on YouTube. I think the channel name is Bad Day.
Joshua Allec Ibay has been doing Microsoft Flight Simulator YT videos of air disasters for years now. They’re all taken directly from the official investigation reports so the information in them is always good.
Plainly Difficult is a YT channel with a lot of videos about disasters. They had a LOT about nuclear disasters early on, but they got a bunch more on other things since then.
If you’re really interested in a shipwreck, go on YT and search for the ship and “real time sinking.” There’s multiple animated re-enactments on there which really put the sinkings in perspective. The Lusitania video is something like twenty minutes. The Titanic videos? Two hours and forty minutes.
Speaking of shipwrecks, “The Sea Hunters” is pretty awesome. They gets scientists, historians, explorers, divers, Clive Cussler, and they go down to different shipwrecks.
If you like survival stories but you’ve never watched “I Survived …”, it’s a MUST. The seasons are here and there over streaming sites (I think Amazon has 1 and 2, and then 5 and 6), so you have to do a little digging. Each episode is two or three events told by the survivors, but there always seems to be one story an episode featuring rape and sexual assault, so trigger warning for that.
Fascinating Horror is another very good YT channel focused on disasters.
Deadly Disasters is a show you can usually find episodes of on YT where each episode focuses on a type of disaster - tsunamis, heat waves, earthquakes, etc.
Oh, Zero Hour! It had about three seasons but they cover disasters a lot like Seconds from Disaster - timelines, diagrams, and whatnot.
When Weather Changed History looks at things like the Super Outbreak in the 70s and Katrina, but also how weather affected the Hindenburg crash.
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imnotoverlyobsessive · 7 months
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Moodboard by @softhecreator
Mr. Chalamet
chapter six: i found you
AO3 info one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven epilogue
All my work is 18+.
Said “I’m fine”, but it wasn’t true. I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you. And I snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate, and I screamed for whatever it’s worth, “I love you”, ain’t that the worst you ever heard? He looks up, grinning like a devil.- Taylor Swift, Cruel Summer
Summer—or at least not-quite-three- months they’d spent together in almost entirely uninterrupted bliss that she had come to think of as summer—came to a close at the end of August.
One afternoon, Lea was perched on the ledge of the hot tub, her legs over Tim’s shoulders as he ate her out. Their swimsuits had long since been abandoned in a wet heap nearby. 
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he groaned against her clit, “you’re gonna cum for me, aren’t you?”
“Uh huh,” she whined, rolling her hips mindlessly.
“That’s it, baby,” he encouraged. “Cum for me. Cum for me like a good girl.”
And then he was sucking her clit, and—
And she burst, moaning his name.
He didn’t give her any time to recover before he was pulling her back into the hot tub and into his lap.
“Want you to sit on it,” he murmured.
“Yes,” she gasped out, immediately lowering herself onto him, the water lapping at her breasts.
“Fuck, Lea,” he groaned, throwing his head back against the edge of the hot tub, his hair dripping onto the tile. “God, you’re so tight.” He squeezed her hips, encouraging her to rock back and forth, fucking herself on his cock. “That’s it, sweetheart.”
“Tim,” she moaned. “You fill me up so good.”
“So sexy,” he muttered, digging his fingers into her ass. “Fuckin’ hell, babydoll, I’ll never have enough of this pussy.”
“I’ll never have enough of you, either,” she gasped out, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning in to kiss him, her sensitive nipples brushing against his chest. “You feel so good, I feel—“
“What do you feel, angel?” he asked softly, cupping her cheek. ���Tell me.”
“I feel so close to you,” Lea admitted.
He smiled against her lips. “You like being close to me?”
“I love being close to you,” she confessed.
“I love you,” he whispered.
She froze. “You— you what?”
“I’m in love with you, Lea.” He trailed a hand up her back, threading his fingers into her hair.
“You are?” She couldn’t believe her ears. He loved her? Why? How?
“You sound surprised,” he chuckled, peppering kisses over her jaw and down her neck. “I told you this would happen, didn’t I?”
“I didn’t think you were serious,” she squeaked out.
Tim pulled back slightly, frowning. “Of course I was serious. I wouldn’t joke about something like that.” He paused, searching her face. “Is me loving you a bad thing?” Then, “Do you not love me back?”
She locked down, twisting her fingers behind his neck. “It’s… it’s not that,” she said softly. “I just don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?” he asked patiently, rubbing her back in a way she knew was intended to comfort her, ease her anxiety. 
“It doesn’t make any sense for you to, like…” She gulped. “To feel that way about me.”
“Why not, love?”
She shuddered in delight at him calling her that. “It just doesn’t. I dunno.”
He cupped her cheek then, pulling her in for a long, passionate kiss. When she was panting and desperate for him again, he pulled back and said, “Love doesn’t have to make sense. I found you, I love you, and I’m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.” He waited for her to respond, but all she seemed capable of was blinking at him wordlessly. “Now then,” he went on, “all that remains is if you love me, too.”
Lea buried her face in his neck. “Of course I love you, Tim,” she confessed. “I think I’ve loved you my whole life.”
“God, sweetheart,” he breathed, wrapping both arms around her and holding her close. “Can I keep you?”
“I’m yours,” she promised. “I’ll always be yours.”
“And I’m yours.” He fisted a hand in her hair. “Kiss me, love. Lemme feel your lips on mine. Please.”
Lea immediately righted herself and obeyed, pouring all the love and adoration she felt for him into the kiss. Her very soul belonged to him, and she wanted him to know it, to feel it.
He trailed his hands down her sides, brushing her breasts and moving down to grasp her hips. “Ride me, baby,” he encouraged. “Feel me.”
She leaned her forehead against his, pressing herself closer to him and rolling her hips. “I love you,” she told him again. Now that it was out in the open, now that he knew how she felt, it was pouring out of her like a fountain, and she felt like she couldn’t say it enough. “I love you so much.”
“You’d do anything for me?” he groaned against her lips. “Anything I asked of you, anything to please me?”
“Anything,” she agreed without hesitation, nodding vehemently. “God, just— as long as I can be with you, I don’t care about anything else. Just hold me, please. Love me back. That’s all I want.”
“I’ll hold you till the fuckin’ world ends,” he swore, kissing her desperately. “Till the sun explodes and the stars burn out. Even after that, I don’t think I could let you go. Not ever.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she rocked her hips harder. “I want that,” she breathed. “I want everything with you.”
“Would you…” He swallowed. “Would you have a baby with me?” When she froze again, he hastily added, “Not— not now, of course. Not for another few years at least. But… someday? Would you want to?”
It was weird being embarrassed when he was literally inside her, but she blushed anyway. “I’d have one with you now if I could.”
Tim smiled giddily. “Yeah?”
She nodded. “I love you, and I do… I want that with you.”
“I bet you’d look so fuckin’ sexy pregnant,” he practically growled. “Tits all swollen, my baby inside you ‘cause of how good I fucked you, filled you with my cum.” When she whimpered, he smirked. “You want that, sweetheart? You want me to get you pregnant, fuck you till I knock you up?”
“Yes, please,” she whined, rocking her hips back and forth. “I wanna— I wanna have your baby, want you to get me pregnant, I want it I want it want it—“
“Greedy little thing,” he chided. “Got you addicted to my cock, didn’t I? To the way I fuck you?”
“Mhm,” she gasped out. “Fuck, you’re so big, please don’t stop—“
“Take it,” he growled, driving up into her. “Take this fuckin’ dick, baby. Bounce on it, c’mon.”
She did so, obediently lifting herself off of him, water dripping down her breasts and splashing around them as she lowered herself back down. She repeated the motion, then again and again until she was fucking herself on his cock as hard and fast as she could. “God, Tim,” she moaned, throwing her head back. “More. Fuck me, fuck me, please—“
“Good girl,” he murmured, aiding her movements with one hand and grabbing her breast with the other, yanking it down towards him. He took her nipple into his mouth, suckling deeply, and she moaned again.
“Fuck,” she whimpered, fisting a hand in his wet curls and holding him against her. “Fuck, don’t stop, please don’t stop, fuck me like that, like that—“
“My dirty little slut,” he said against her skin. “Fucking herself on my cock, begging me for more.”
“Never get enough of you,” Lea admitted with a whine. “You feel so good.”
“So do you, babydoll,” he said darkly. “Perfect little pussy, so tight for me, pleasuring me whenever I want, letting me split you open on my dick whenever I want.”
She bounced faster, her walls clenching around him as if to pull him in deeper, impossibly deeper. God but he filled her up so perfectly.
“You wanna cum, love?” he asked, taking her nipple between his teeth and tugging lightly. “You wanna cum all over my cock?”
“Yes yes yes yes yes yes—“ she chanted desperately. “Please Tim, please make me cum, I wanna feel it, wanna cum with you inside me, please—“
“Good girl, asking for what you want,” he praised, reaching between them and rubbing her clit. She moaned, leaning closer to him and switching to rocking her hips instead of bouncing on him. “That’s it, sweetheart. Feels good, huh?”
“Uh huh,” she whined, her skin tingling as her orgasm neared. “‘m gonna cum, fuck, Tim, ‘m gonna cum—“
“Cum for me, Lea,” he encouraged. “Lemme have it. Sweet girl, I love you so much. Cum for me, darling.”
She came with a whine, her hips bucking against his.
“Good girl,” Tim praised quietly, pulling her in close. “Such a good girl for me.” With that, he lifted her up and lay her down on the edge of the hot top, standing up and slamming back into her.
“Ah!” she cried out, her body jolting from the force of his thrusts.
“Wanna cum in you,” he panted, gripping her thighs and watching as her breasts bounced. “Fill you up, fuck a baby into you.”
“Yes,” she breathed, staring up at him with wide eyes and desperately wishing she wasn’t on birth control. “Give me your baby, Tim. Get me pregnant.”
“I will,” he swore, leaning down to cup her cheek and kiss her roughly, sucking her tongue into his mouth. “Fuck, Lea, I’m gonna cum.”
“Give it to me,” she pleaded. “Fill me with it.”
He groaned into her mouth, his thrusts deep and halting until they came to a stop. “I love you,” Tim said softly, peppering kisses on her face. “I love you so much, Lea.”
She giggled. “I love you, too.”
He pulled out of her and rolled over to his side, kissing her slowly. Lovingly. Trailing a hand down her stomach and between her thighs, he pushed his cum back into her. She whimpered softly against his mouth, lifting her hips and rolling them up against his hand.
“I want all this inside you,” he murmured, kissing her deeply. 
“Tim,” she gasped as he began to rub her clit. “God, that’s—“
And then his phone sounded from a nearby bench.
She jolted, startled, and he groaned in annoyance and stood up, strolling over to the bench and grabbing his phone. “Yeah? Oh, hey, sweetie. Okay, yeah, give me a second, I was, uh… I was in the pool. Yeah, I’ll see you in a sec.”
He put his phone back down and looked at Lea, panic in his eyes. She propped herself up on her elbows, ignoring the way his cum seeped out of her.
Suddenly, it clicked in her head. “Fuck,” she hissed, scrambling to her feet. “I— I forgot she was coming home today!”
“No, no,” he said hurriedly. “I did, too. She’s— she’s at the door, she doesn’t know you’re here—“
“It wouldn’t be any better if she did know I was here, there’s no reason for me to be here—“
“Well, okay, that’s not entirely true,” he corrected. Lea glared at him, and he went on, “Okay, look, it’ll be fine, let me just… put my trunks back on, you go through the kitchen door and up the secondary staircase.”
“How am I gonna get past Elle?” she asked frantically, already making her way up the stairs.
He yanked his swim trunks up over his hipbones. “Oh, fuck, uh… I’ll distract her, I’ll make sure she stays outside. As long as you stay away from the front door, she won’t see you. Count to sixty and then go inside. Text me when you get upstairs. I won’t see it, but I’ll feel my phone vibrate and I’ll know we’re safe. Okay?”
Lea nodded, and he took the stairs two at a time to reach her, cupping her cheek and leaning down to kiss her.
“I love you,” he murmured against her lips.
“I love you, too,” she giggled blissfully.
“I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Lea nodded, and he went inside.
She counted to sixty like he’d said, then she opened the door to the sunroom. Making her way down the hallway, she hastened towards the stairs, keeping an eye on Elle’s form, obscured through the windows of doors though it was. Running upstairs, she went into his bedroom and into the one place she knew Elle would never go: his closet.
She texted Tim, and within five minutes, she heard his bedroom door open. “Lea?” came his voice. “Baby, you in here?”
She knew he’d never call her that where Elle could hear, so she stuck her head out of his closet and looked down the hallway into his bedroom.
He heaved a sigh of relief, moving towards her swiftly and taking her in his arms. “Fuckin’ hell, that was scary,” he muttered into her hair. Lea nodded in agreement, and he sighed again. “She’s in the shower. I told her I was gonna get dressed and go grab milk and cigarettes, so I’ll be able to take you home if we leave now.”
Lea nodded, moving into the bathroom to grab them each a towel as he collected their clothes. She tossed him one of the towels, hastily drying herself off and squeezing her hair out. He did the same before throwing her her clothes. Tugging them on and glancing at Tim, she found him dressed, too, and he pulled her by the hand out to the car.
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“I gotta go,” she giggled as Tim kissed her neck in his car, which was parked outside her apartment building.
“No,” he grumbled, squeezing her ass. “Stay.”
“I can’t,” she insisted. “You’re supposed to be getting milk and cigarettes, remember?”
“Think I left some here,” Tim muttered. “Your roommate home?”
“She’s in North Carolina still,” she assured him, opening his car door and leading him upstairs to her apartment.
Before she knew it, he had her back pressed against the door as they kissed, her hands in his hair. “I want you again,” he said against her lips.
“You gotta go home, remember?”
“You’re my home,” Tim insisted.
“How ‘bout this,” she began. “What if I suck your dick?”
“That’s a fantastic idea,” he agreed without hesitation, pushing her down to her knees and hastily undoing his pants. 
She pulled him out of his boxers, gripping his length firmly in her hand. “You’re already hard,” she observed.
“Yeah,” he breathed, watching with hooded eyes as she began to stroke him. “Open your mouth, sweetheart.” She obeyed, and then he gripped the back of her head and shoved his cock into her mouth. He groaned, his hand tightening in her hair. “Sorry, we don’t have a lot of time. Lemme just fuck your face really fast, okay?”
Lea hummed in contentment, relaxing her jaw and sucking in her cheeks.
He groaned again. “Fuck, that’s my good girl. Good little slut, sucking my dick so well.”
She moaned, pulling her dress up around her hips and rubbing her clit over her panties.
“God, Lea,” he breathed, “are you touching yourself right now?”
“Mhm,” she hummed around his length.
“Fuck,” he grunted, fucking her mouth harder. “Sucking my cock makes your little pussy wet, huh? Makes you wanna cum?”
She ran her free hand up his thighs and over his hipbones, humming again in confirmation. She loved sucking his dick. He was so sexy when she did it.
“That’s it, baby,” he said hoarsely. “Rub your clit for me. Wanna watch you cum with those pretty lips around my dick.”
She moaned, rolling her hips against her hand. By this point, Tim had nearly three months of experience making her cum, so he knew her tells.
“You’re getting close, aren’t you?” he rasped.
She hummed in confirmation, sucking him as he kept thrusting.
“Cum for me, sweetheart,” he demanded. “So sexy when you cum, so pretty with your lips around my cock. C’mon, Lea. Cum for me.” She couldn’t help but obey, moaning through her orgasm. Apparently, the moans were enough to push him over the edge, too, because he groaned, “Fuck, Lea, that’s it, baby, I’m gonna cum, gonna cum in your mouth, angel, I’m gonna—“ He cut himself off with a final moan of her name and flooded her mouth. 
She swallowed, wincing slightly at the bitter taste and pulling back from him. “Better?” she asked, looking up at him as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
He grabbed her and pulled her up wordlessly, crashing their lips together in a hungry, desperate kiss. She returned it eagerly, smiling against his mouth.
He pulled back after a long moment, cupping her cheeks and leaning his forehead against hers. “I love you, Lea,” he murmured, stroking her cheek with his thumb.
She smiled. “I love you, too.” He was kissing her, and then she remembered something. “Don’t forget the milk and cigarettes!”
“Fuck,” he hissed, burying his face in her hair, which was still damp from the hot tub. “Any chance you’ve got an unopened gallon here?”
She snorted. “Probably not, and definitely not the kind you buy. It’s cheap shit.”
He pulled back, frowning slightly. “I really need to set you up with an allowance.”
Lea blinked at him. “A what now?”
“An allowance,” he repeated. “Y’know, money you can spend.”
“I understand the concept of an allowance, Tim,” she told him. “I just don’t understand why you would give me one.”
“So you don’t have to ask me for money, of course,” he explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You’ve basically been living with me these past couple months and I’ve taken you shopping so many times that I guess I forgot. Sorry about that. But yeah, it’ll just let you buy things you want—or need, like groceries and food and lingerie—without consulting me first.”
She furrowed her brow. “Lingerie? What—?”
He shrugged. “It’s a need, don’t worry about it.”
She shook her head to clear her muddled thoughts. “Okay, but… but why does this sound like I’m your sugar baby or something?”
He stared down at her for a moment. “Well… aren’t you?”
“It’s not, like, transactional,” she squeaked. “I love you for you, Tim, not the stuff you give me.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said cheerfully. “But I can give you whatever you want, so why wouldn’t I?” She tensed, and he cupped her cheek and added, “Look, we don’t have to call it that if you don’t want to. More than anything else, you’re my girlfriend, and I love you. That’s all that really matters, isn’t it?”
She leaned into his touch. “Just… just as long as you know I’d love you no matter what.”
Tim smiled. “Yeah, I know.” With that, he leaned down to kiss her. 
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“What the hell is this?” Lea squeaked out.
“Well, it’s our house, sweetheart,” Tim explained patiently. “It’s in your name, too. See?” He pointed to a piece of paper, and she looked at it in disbelief. Then back at him, then at the piece of paper, and then back at him again.
“What the fuck, Tim?”
“I told you I was gonna get you a house,” he said, frowning. “You said you liked this one when I brought you here, even!”
“Yeah, of course I…” She took a deep breath. “I mean, it’s gorgeous, obviously, I just… I thought you were exaggerating.”
He shook his head. “No, of course not.”
She stared at him. 
He stared back.
Finally, she sighed and shrugged. “Alright then. I guess I have a house now.”
Tim brightened, leaning over to kiss her. “We can be together in peace here,” he explained happily. “We don’t have to hide. Just like the past few months.”
Lea warmed at that, leaning into him. “Good. I love being with you.”
“I love you,” he countered.
“I love you, too.”
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“What do you mean you’re moving out?” Sam—Lea’s best friend since elementary school and, up until this exact moment, her roommate—asked in a voice that indicated she did not believe Lea in the slightest. 
“Exactly what I said,” Lea explained patiently, checking her phone to see if the movers Tim had hired would be arriving soon. 
Sam sighed, finally looking up from her phone. “Okay, let’s pretend for a second that you could actually afford to move. You haven’t even packed. You don’t have a place to go. Also, can we talk about how, like, hurtful it is for you to just move out suddenly, and totally break your lease and leave it all on me? That’s so shitty, dude, come on—“
“Oh god, no,” Lea interjected. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think about how it might look, shit. Okay, lemme explain. So I’m not gonna stop paying my half of rent and utilities. It’ll still get paid. Don’t worry about that. You’ll just… have the whole place to yourself. And I’m not leaving ‘cause I don’t love you, you know that I do. You’re, like, an honorary Blanchard. And you can stay at my new place with me whenever you want, obviously, and—“
“Okay, back up,” Sam cut her off. “You’re gonna move out of here—without packing, apparently—and into a new apartment, but keep paying rent here on top of your new place?” Sam looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “I know your mom is covering housing while you’re in school, but there’s no way in hell she can afford another New York apartment on top of this one.”
Lea fidgeted awkwardly. She hadn’t told Sam about Tim yet. She’d meant to, and Tim had even said it was okay, but…
She was scared, alright? 
But she couldn’t get around it anymore. Not without looking like a shitty friend.
Sitting next to Sam on the couch they’d found on the side of the road, Lea took a deep breath and said, “Okay, so I haven’t exactly… told you everything.”
“Yeah, no shit,” Sam observed, flicking her silky black hair over her shoulder.
“So… I met someone.” 
Sam blinked at her. “You met someone?” When Lea nodded, Sam said, “You, Miss ‘I don’t even want a hot boy to look at me’, met someone?”
“I mean, it was an accident, okay?” Lea buried her face in her hands in embarrassment. “To be honest, I… I’m in love with him.”
“And you didn’t tell me?!” Sam demanded shrilly.
“I knew you’d freak out!” Lea whined, looking up at her indignant friend.
Sam rolled her eyes. “Who is this guy, anyway? Anybody I know?”
Lea winced. “Well… yes and no, actually.”
“What do you mean?”
Lea tugged anxiously on a curl. “He’s… he’s kinda famous…”
“What, like TikTok or something?”
Lea shook her head. “No, um…”
Just then, a knock sounded at the door. Sam bounced up to open it before Lea could, asking, “Yes?”
“Is this the residence of Lea Blanchard?” a male voice asked. 
“Uh…” Sam trailed off hesitantly, unsure of if to give her friend’s location away to a strange man or not.
From the living room, Lea called out, “Yes, that’s me!”
Sam slowly stepped aside (which, because of the incredibly narrow hallway, required her to step into her bedroom), and several men and a couple of women filed in, all in matching uniforms.
“You’re Miss Blanchard?”
Lea nodded, and the man walked over, holding out his hand for her to shake. “I’m Aaron, an associate of Mr. Chalamet.”
Lea nodded, shaking his hand. “Tim told me about you, yeah. It’s nice to meet you.”
“You as well, ma’am. He said to help with packing and unpacking as well as moving in and out,” Aaron explained before gesturing to the group of people behind him. “This is my team. I handpicked them myself for both your and Mr. Chalamet’s privacy. Everyone here has signed NDAs. Then he turned to Sam, who was staring at the group, mouth agape. “And you must be Miss Blanchard’s roommate.” He shook Sam’s hand, too, smiling politely.
“N— nice to meet you,” Sam stuttered out.
“Don’t worry about a thing, Miss Blanchard,” Aaron assured Lea. “We’ll start on your bedroom. Are you keeping the furniture?”
Lea shook her head. “If… if Sam wants it, she can have it…”
It took a few seconds for her words to register with her friend. “Oh! Uh… yeah, it might draw a new roommate in, so…”
“Excellent idea, Miss Sam,” Aaron agreed before turning back to Lea. “Is there anything in the living spaces that you would like to take with you?”
Lea shook her head again. “Tim’s got all that fancy stuff, so.” She laughed a bit.
Aaron smiled. “Mr. Chalamet does like high-end things, doesn’t he?” Then he faced his team. “Just the bedroom, then. No furniture. Go get the boxes. Rosa, Caroline, you handle Miss Blanchard’s clothes.”
The two women nodded before following the men out the door. Aaron trailed behind them, smiling at Lea and Sam. “We’ll be right back.”
Lea nodded, and once the door had shut behind the group, Sam turned towards her slowly, looking at her like she was a ghost. 
“Mr. Chalamet?” her friend practically hissed. “Tim?”
“Uh… yeah,” Lea admitted awkwardly. “That’s what I was trying to tell you.” She grabbed her phone off the arm of the couch and opened the tagged photos her finsta. “Here, look.” She handed her phone to Sam, who scrolled through. The pictures Tim had tagged her in countless pictures he’d taken of her with captions like So anyway objectively speaking I have the most attractive girlfriend in the history of the universe (she was sitting on a set of stairs and smiling at him), *grabby hands* (she was getting out of the pool in a bikini, her cleavage clearly in frame), Look at how she’s looking at me (she was looking at him with obvious love in her eyes), and then a bunch of pictures of them together— one of just their hands, a few of them on dates, and a fair amount of them kissing. There was one from a few days ago where he had taken a picture of himself laying with her; she was still asleep, her head on his bare chest, and he was gazing down at her, adoration evident on his face. The caption was I’m so fucking in love with you it’s legitimately embarrassing.
Sam looked up at her slowly, her mouth hanging open again. “These… these aren’t photoshopped,” she observed.
“No, they’re not,” Lea confirmed.
“You’re actually with the Timothée Chalamet?” Sam pressed. “He— he said he’s in love with you, for fuck’s sake!”
“That’s… a recent development,” Lea admitted. “Or at least, he only told me last week.”
“And you love him, too?”
Lea snorted lightly. “Of course I do. How could I not?”
“Your back here,” Sam said, pointed at the screen of Lea’s phone. “It’s bare. You’re laying on his equally bare chest. In a bed.” Lea said nothing. “Have you slept with him?”
Lea looked at her feet, nodding. “Yeah.”
“How long has this been going on?” Sam demanded. 
“Since the beginning of the summer.”
“Fucking hell, dude.” Sam raked a hand through her hair. “He’s sixteen years older than us! He’s married! We— we’re friends with his kid! She goes to our school, for god’s sake!”
“I know,” Lea said softly. “I love him anyway.”
“Fuck,” Sam sighed. “He’s cheating on his wife with you!”
“Well…” Lea hesitated, “Lourdes and him have an… agreement. They’re not really involved with each other. They haven’t been in a long time.”
“What, like an open marriage or something?” Sam scoffed.
Lea shook her head. “No, not exactly. They’re not into each other at all. It’s an act they put on for Elle.”
“Fuck,” Sam repeated.
“You can’t tell anybody,” Lea said urgently. “You can’t.”
“No shit, dude. That’s where you’re moving to, huh? You’re moving in with him?” When Lea nodded, Sam asked, “How will Elle be kept in the dark still or you’re literally living together?”
Lea shook her head. “He has more than one house. He gave me one.”
Sam raised her eyebrows. “He gave you a house.” Lea nodded. “He gave you a house?”
“He said it was a gift,” Lea told her friend. “He gives me a lot of gifts. And money, more recently. Said I deserved an allowance.”
“You’re his fucking sugar baby,” Sam realized.
“In a way,” Lea admitted. “But the difference is we’re actually in love. I want to be with him.”
“He makes you happy?” Sam clarified. 
Lea nodded. “I’ve never been this happy.”
The door opened again at that moment. Sam leaned forward and whispered urgently, “You’re telling me everything. Especially about the sex, you got that?”
Lea flushed, nodding, and then the move began.
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Elle turned eighteen on the first Tuesday in September. Her birthday party consisted of Lea, her older sister, Lina (whom Elle had taken a shining to), and Elle’s whole host of friends from school and the famous kids she’d met through Tim.
Lea had stolen away to the pantry, giggling with delight when Tim followed after her. She pulled him inside by the hand, and he shut the door and kissed her hungrily.
“Been thinking about you all day,” he muttered against her lips.
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you all day,” she told him, grinning.
He smirked, trailing kisses down her neck. “I’ll do a hell of a lot more than kiss you if you let me, sweetheart.”
“We can’t,” she said regretfully. “We’ve gotta…” He started sucking on her neck and palming her ass through her Matoshi skirt, and she inhaled sharply. “We’ve gotta get back to the party.”
He pushed her up against a wall of dry ingredients, fisting a hand in her hair and kissing her like he’d die if he stopped. “Can I fuck you in here first?”
“No, you may not,” came her older sister’s voice from the pantry door. Lea froze in horror, and Tim released a mildly irritated sigh.
Pulling back from his mortified girlfriend, Tim turned towards Lina. “Suppose you should come in so we can discuss this.”
Lina wordlessly stepped through the narrow pantry door, shutting it behind her. She crossed her arms, her eyes narrowed, and she never took them off Tim. “Explain.”
“Well, so, actually—“ Lea fumbled. 
Lina held up a hand without so much as glancing at her sister. “You,” she said, pointing at Tim. “Explain.”
With absolutely zero shame, Tim declared, “I’m in love with her.”
Lina raised her eyebrows, clearly unimpressed. “And how do your wife and daughter feel about that?”
“Lola doesn’t object to my relationships,” he explained delicately, “and Elle isn’t aware of them. That’s something we agreed on as her parents a long time ago.”
“So you, a forty-year-old man, thought it was acceptable—“
“I’m thirty-six,” Tim muttered, almost to himself. Lea couldn’t help but smile a bit at that. 
Lina, however, either had not heard him or didn’t care to acknowledge that she had. “—To seduce my twenty-year-old sister and convince her to give up her rather ridiculous vow of abstinence and lose her virginity to you? Do I have that right?”
Unable to keep her objections in anymore, Lea cut in with, “No, Lina, not at all.” She took a step towards her sister—the girl who’d always helped her up when she scraped her knee, who had held her through anxiety attacks and used to sing to her to distract her from her mother’s PTSD episodes—and looked her firmly in the eye. “I fell for Tim last year, and I tried to keep it in, but I felt too strongly for him to be able to stop myself.”
Lina examined her features closely. “That doesn’t explain why he thought it would be okay to get involved with a girl half his age.” She flicked her gaze back at Tim accusingly.
“I’m not half his age,” Lea corrected. “I’m only sixteen years younger than him.”
“Only?” Lina scoffed. “Dude, his daughter is the same age as our baby sister.”
Lea squared her shoulders. “I don’t care. I love him.”
Lina glared fiercely at Tim over her sister’s shoulder. “You,” she snapped as if she weren’t currently in his house, “out.”
“Yep,” he agreed easily, passing them in the (relatively) small space of the pantry and giving Lea’s hand a brief but comforting squeeze as he did.
Once the door was closed behind them again, Lina’s gaze turned back onto Lea, concern finally bleeding through into her expression. “Lea,” she began urgently, taking her sister’s hands in hers, “I know you— I know you’ve had nicer things lately. He’s given them to you, right? Do you not have enough money? Is that it?”
“I don’t care about his money,” Lea said quietly.
Before she continue, however, Lina went on, “He’s not blackmailing you, is he?”
Aghast, Lea said, “No! Of course not!”
“Is he hurting you, then?”
Lea shook her head firmly. “No! I just love him!”
Lina took a step back, letting their hands fall. “You meant that?”
“Of course I did!” Lea emphasized. “I’m crazy about him. I… I wanna spend the rest of my life with him.”
“I don’t understand,” Lina confessed. “You… you spent so long wanting nothing to do with boys—at least, not real ones—and now you’re suddenly ready to get married?”
Lea shook her head. “I’m not getting married now.” A pause, and then she grumbled, “I can’t, obviously, he’s already married.”
“It’s a complicated situation, I’ve gathered that,” Lina admitted, “but what really gets me is how you went from insisting you’d never fall in love, that that kind of vulnerability was a death sentence, to letting a man twenty years your senior put bruises all over your neck!”
“It’s sixteen years,” Lea corrected again.
“Whatever,” Lina groaned. 
After a moment, Lea sighed. “I guess… I guess my love for him is just stronger than my fear of getting hurt.” A beat of silence, and then she added, “And honestly, I’m not scared of him hurting me. I don’t think he will. I feel safe with him.”
Lina stared at her for a minute. “You really do love him, don’t you?”
Lea nodded. 
“And he treats you well? He makes you happy?”
Lea looked at her feet, smiling shyly. “Sometimes, when he looks at me or touches me or kisses me or says my name, I feel like my blood has been replaced with helium and I’m going to float away.”
“That’s disgustingly sappy,” Lina remarked, grimacing. “Ugh. I hear enough of this hetero shit from Ari, now I gotta hear it from you, too?”
Lea giggled. “I won’t tell you if you don’t wanna hear.”
“I want you to be happy,” her sister assured her, “it’s just gross to think about.”
When Lina reached for the doorknob, Lea said, “Wait— you know you can’t, like—“
“Can’t tell anyone, especially Elle,” Lina said, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, duh. I’m not an idiot, c’mon. Give me a little credit.”
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That night, Lea, Lina, Elle, Sam—Lea’s best friend since elementary school as well as her roommate—and all of Elle’s friends—the ones who lived in New York, anyway—were all sitting in their pajamas in front of the screen in the home theater, the credits of Elle’s chosen movie paused behind them.
Elle was eating a bag of Twizzlers, looking around the circle of girls for a victim. Unfortunately, her discerning gaze landed on Lea.
“So,” Elle said slowly, “who is he?”
“Who’s who?” Lea asked with an awkward, forced laugh.
Elle took a bite of her Twizzler. “The guy who’s been turning your neck blue and purple and giving you designer shit.”
“Oh… uh…” Lea gulped, all eyes on her. Sam and Lina looked legitimately nervous.
“C’mon, Lea,” Elle sighed, standing with the rest of the group and moving towards the exit of the theater. “You’re literally wearing Agent Provocateur pajamas. That set you’re wearing? Yeah, it costs fifteen thousand dollars, and it doesn’t come as tailored as that clearly is, which means it’s custom made. Only someone with a lot of clout could convince their designers to do something bespoke. So not only can whoever this guy is afford to shell out a wad of cash on a single set of pajamas, he has enough money and influence to convince them to custom make something for you.” Elle paused. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed your Cartier and Bulgari and Harry Winston shit, either. That’s all high jewelry, y’know. Hundreds of thousands of dollars apiece, if not millions. I can only assume this dude is your sugar daddy, and he is taking the role hella seriously.”
Lea flushed but didn’t respond. 
“So,” Elle went on expectantly, “who is he?”
“Um…” Lea gulped anxiously. “I can’t say. He’s very private.”
“Dude,” Elle scoffed, “I’m literally the kid of a two celebrities and the granddaughter of the queen of pop. You cannot possibly shock me.”
I seriously doubt that, Lea thought.
“But,” Elle went on, “I’ll let it slide under one condition.”
“What’s that?” Lea asked, falling into step with her friend, Sam and Lina joining them as the other girls trailed after them, making their way to the spiral staircase.
“You tell me how hot he is, how big his dick is, and if he’s good in bed.”
“Oh!” Lea squeaked, pausing at the foot of the stairs. The group of girls went up, all save for Lea and Elle. 
Before Lea could say anything, however, the man himself bounded over to them. “Hey girls,” he said cheerfully. “What’s goin’ on? You guys need anything?”
He glanced at Lea briefly, but the flash of heat in his eyes made her blush.
“Lea,” Elle began accusatorily, “has found herself a sugar daddy.”
“Is that so?” Tim asked, trying to hide a smirk.
“Uh huh,” Elle confirmed. “And she won’t tell me who, even though it’s literally my birthday.”
“Technically,” Tim cut in, “it’s not your birthday anymore.” He held up his phone, showing that it was well past one in the morning.
Elle waved him off dismissively. “It’s my birthday party, so it’s my birthday.”
Tim met Lea’s eyes, that small smirk still playing on his lips. “Does he treat you well?”
“Yes,” she said quietly.
“Good.”
As the pair made their way up to the bedrooms, Elle excitedly said, “So! My questions. I demand answers!”
“What— what were they again?” Lea asked, dazed.
“Let’s start with how old he is, how hot he is, what he looks like.”
“Oh, um…” Lea gulped. “He’s in his mid-thirties,” she began awkwardly. “Tall and skinny. A bit muscular, but not much. He, uh… he has brown hair.”
“He’s skinny?” Elle grimaced. “Really?”
Lea nodded.
“Why would you go for a skinny guy?”
“I don’t like big muscles,” she said softly.
“Weirdo,” Elle giggled. “Okay! How big is his dick, then?”
“I can’t tell you that!” Lea gasped. “You’re too young!”
“Bitch, listen,” Elle teased, “I’m eighteen now. Spill it.”
“Uh… I mean, I don’t have anything to compare it to, but it’s big.”
“Nice,” Elle smirked. “He any good?”
“Again,” Lea squeaked, “I don’t have anything to compare him to, but I think so, yeah.”
“And he clearly treats you like a princess,” Elle observed with a giggle. “You’re happy with him?”
Lea nodded slightly. “Yeah.”
“That’s what’s most important, then.”
Lea forced a smile, ignoring the guilt swirling in her abdomen. “Yeah.”
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A few weeks later, the three of them were watching a movie.
“I’ll go get some snacks,” Lea decided suddenly.
Tim immediately popped up beside her. “I’ll help,” he volunteered.
“I’m not pausing it,” Elle warned, eyes on the screen.
“Kay,” Lea agreed easily, following Tim to the downstairs kitchen.
Before she knew it, they were kissing hungrily, her hands in his hair and the kitchen counter digging into her back. 
“Want you,” he murmured, trailing kisses down her neck. “Want your pussy now.”
“Later,” Lea promised breathlessly. “Once she goes to bed.”
“How am I gonna wait that long when you’re this fuckin’ sexy?” he growled.
They were desperately making out when they heard footsteps.
Freezing momentarily before jumping away from each other, it was only a few seconds before Elle strolled in, looking mildly annoyed.
“Hurry the hell up,” she demanded before strolling back out.
Lea sighed, burying her face in her hands. 
Tim raked a hand through his curls. “That was close.”
Lea nodded dazedly.
Too close.
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I’m depressed how bout you guys
Tag list
@ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @leespparker @bubblebuttwade @glizzymcguirex @starberry-cake
To be added, please ask 💗
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seollenda · 2 years
Text
past tense and an arms length (taeyeon/reader)
get your taeyeon angst here…with a side of annoyed wingman fany. because taetae is always on the mind and has only become more and more now i’m back into binging gg content ;w;
word count: ~2,000
CW: n/a
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“we don’t talk anymore.”
maybe taeyeon hadn’t meant it to come across that bluntly, but the media didn’t miss out on the sound bite. a few korean outlets wheedled their way into your inbox, digging up your contact info and demanding comments that you couldn’t even arrange into coherence anyway. you tried to ignore them the best you could.
even when tiffany came knocking one day, with the deepest frown and a pout that betrayed some irritation as well.
“taetae wants to talk.” she set her cargo down on a recently wiped down countertop—grimey produce that you know she foraged from her nearest farmers market. the next bag was a black plastic one, filled to the brim with your favourite korean snacks. her version of a love language.
“i thought we don’t talk anymore.”
maybe you hadn’t meant it to come across that sensitive either.
(or maybe you both had.)
in any case, tiffany wasn’t having it.
she set a bottle of riesling next to the potatoes, which you snatched up and immediately stuck in your fridge.
“you know she didn’t mean it that way. she has to watch what she says nowadays…”
“right, and she sure did a good job at keeping the buzz down,” you replied, digging through the groceries to put them away. fany just watched you bustle around, nonplussed. you continued, a pang of what you tried to identify as resentment twisting your stomach. “maybe she forgot to consider that i have a life to live here…my inbox was quiet enough until this bullshit.”
“y/n.” tiffany snapped. “stop bullshitting me. i’ve never seen you sulk this bad, even since you moved.” you finally relented and looked her in the eyes. “frankly i’m tired of being the in between for your annoying ass drama. so for my sake, figure it the fuck out.”
guilty. your heart sank.
“fany…” you started, setting the onions down and brushing the dust off your hands on your shirt. you came around the kitchen island, reaching for a hug. “i’m sorry…i’m so selfish sometimes…”
“it’s okay,” she accepted your arms. she smelled of the same peony perfume she’d shown off excitedly the last time you’d met—when things seemed so settled in and moved on, finally. you’d secured your biggest theater role yet, moved into the apartment you’d searched for, adopted a kitten. you’d felt that glowing pride and admiration from your closest friend, someone who had always seemed to have it all figured out from the beginning. in her shadow in america, then los angeles, you had grown content, even when she pushed you to carry on. and you finally felt like you’d shed the stage name, finally yourself, an artist in her own right here in a city where they were much more seldom recognized. where they could refuse and avoid prying korean press, and they grew uninterested enough not to bother. a new email domain had felt like a silly small step in that realization.
until fucking kim taeyeon decided to mention you on live prime time radio.
a month out since that happy brunch, now tiffany regarded you with weary disappointment.
“i know she hurt you, and what she did wasn’t fair,” she prodded, honest yet affectionate. she tucked your hair behind an ear, sensing the rising tide of emotion in you. “but you really hurt her too. taengu…” fany trailed off, and you were reminded of the fact that yes, the two of them were soulmates in a way, too. closest of friends, and you’d been the cause of her best friend’s three years of pain.
you gritted your teeth against tears.
“she’s coming to los angeles this week,” tiffany said suddenly. “international interviews before comeback, now that things are opened up again.” she leveled a stare at you. “she wants to see you. she’s doing a big thing, stepping forward first.” her grip squeezed firmly on your shoulders. “so meet her halfway.”
“okay.” you said, if only to release her vice grip on you. you returned to your tidying, feeling churning butterflies already.
“you don’t even have to make up,” tiffany said, her tone finally loosening into something resembling her usual self. “honestly, it’s probably best if you two don’t hook up. at least for now.”
she grinned at the dirtiest glare you could manage and shrugged unapologetically.
“sorry, neither of you are over it,” she wandered over to your fridge, apparently too impatient to wait for the wine to chill. “you have a type, clearly. so does she. honestly it’s kinda creepy how accurate it is…”
“she…” you couldn’t resist. “she’s been in a relationship?”
“only flings,” fany rolled her eyes, handing you a glass. you sipped at it. tart and way too sweet. just the way tiffany young liked it. “she’s been off men since you, to be honest. one guy, and he deadass kinda reminded me of you, too.“
“celeb?”
“tattoo artist.”
“i’d never have been a tattoo artist,” you couldn’t help but snort. tiffany laughed too.
“maybe that’s why that one was over so fast.” she rolled her eyes. “anyway. i’d have said you have higher ground on this one but i know you’re still way too hung up on her.”
you exhaled, leaning on the countertop with a hanging head.
“can you blame me?”
kim taeyeon. no woman had gripped you like she had. maybe whatever…this was was mutual after all.
if she’d seemed so touchy about the topic on some random radio show.
“hey.”
“hi.”
it was unusual for either of you to call rather than text, but somehow messages seemed more intimate than a phone call. at least both parties could pretend to have forgotten what was said when words were released into receivers, dissolved into air immediately.
“did we want to meet tomorrow? brunch? fany said she reserved a quiet spot for us with good food.”
hearing her voice call your mutual friend by that nickname betrayed another rush of nostalgia. you gripped the phone tighter, pressing your lips together. you weren’t sure what was threatening to spill out of you, but you didn’t trust yourself.
“yeah, sure.” you swallowed, your voice even.
“eleven AM, the blue barrow,” she said shortly. her tone was indecipherable, especially over a crackly connection.
“got it.”
a silence began to stretch uncomfortably. fany’s words repeated reproachfully in your head. so you made an effort.
“you landed today?”
“yeah, this morning.” she exhaled. you could hear her voice opening up to you already. the hint of weariness was familiar, one which had always pricked your attention. “rest, tae,” you would have repeated until she listened (sometimes it took more than a few patient repetitions).
rest. moments the two of you had shared turned to what the other girls surreptitiously dubbed “quality time”. the two of you lay in the same cramped dorm bed, fingers intertwined and talking about anything and nothing, dreams and realities. comparing hands, tracing veins, remarking about anything in a way that you felt like you learned something everytime. something about taeng, but something about yourself.
rest, taeng-ah.
dressed down, wrapped up in a semblance of incognito fashion, she was still stunning when she lowered her shades and lifted her cap.
“hey, y/n.”
she said your name this time.
“hi taeyeonie.”
the conversation was stilted, the food delicious. her gaze was furtively attentive when she thought you didn’t notice, otherwise guarded in a way that hurt.
so much for her making the first step. tiffany had always been an optimist.
and maybe a bit of a liar. this taeyeon didn’t want anything to do with you, even as she sat before you and you breathed her air and thought you were looking into her eyes.
“that was delicious,” you mustered some cheer, collecting your card. (the meal your treat, you’d insisted. she didn’t resist as hard as she normally would. maybe she didn’t see it as worth it anymore. it didn’t seem like a running tab would occur between the two of you at this rate.)
she watched you get to your feet, taking a deep breath before bolting hastily to her own. her words came clumsily and overeagerly. you knew she’d held onto them longer than she should’ve.
“can i see your apartment?”
you raised an eyebrow, attempting sone lighthearted ribbing.
“inviting yourself over?”
“i just—“ she stammered, her nervous hands landing among dishes to lean on the tabletop. “fany told me so much about your new place and your cat and you know, i—“
“i’m just kidding,” you cut in, saving her from giving an answer that you knew neither would want to admit. you saw her shoulders slacken slightly. “yeah, you can come over.”
what had possessed you to let kim taeyeon take another step into your life?
she was on your threshold, fumbling off her flats and stepping into your apartment. not at the scale one might have imagined for an ex-girls generation member. but cozy and well kept and just what you’d dreamed of all along.
“it’s lovely,” she said finally. clutching the couch back, facing away from you. “it’s very you. what i’d always imagined your home might look.”
“guess i haven’t changed there.”
she turned around, her eyes bright with tears.
“i shouldn’t have come, i’m sorry.” but she only stepped closer. her gaze searched your face, desperate. “but i had to see you.”
“i know.” you swallowed hard. she reached out, tentative but encouraged. her hands were small, warm in yours. ���i don’t know what i expected.”
“i had things to say to you.” she broke into a watery chuckle, embarrassed. “i wrote it all down…” she reached toward her jeans pocket but thought better of it, returning her hands to yours. “but i thought maybe you should get a chance to talk this time.”
you exhaled a breath held. her warm gaze gave you strength. even after all these years.
“i think i finally understood why you had to.” your eyes were dry, somehow. “but you could’ve told me, taeyeon. none of it made sense to me.”
“yeah,” she looked down. “i thought it was easier if you didn’t know. it barely made sense to me.” tae released a hand to clutch lightly at her scalp in bemusement. “i was double-stupid for expecting you to stay.”
“i would’ve hoped for it too,” you replied. the memories came back in a messy, warm, sentimental flurry. “we were so young…”
“wasn’t it fun?”
she gazed into you. nobody could dig into you like her, lay you bare in a way that frightened you at first. that had been the initial, passionate draw. to be seen so nakedly, it was inevitable to want find more. not just of the other girl. but the pieces of yourself you could find in her eyes.
it was stupid and dangerous, but it tugged at you again. even a hundred life events since you’d last met her this way.
“it was.” past tense. it had to be, or else you’d be driven insane again. the girl on your television, the girl who couldn’t stop herself from uttering your name, the girl whose lyrics echoed the exact words she’d spoken to you one of those warmest nights. ones that you’d thought she’d forgotten, but you could never release.
“i loved you.”
she was quiet.
past tense. past tense.
“i loved you too.”
and she stepped first, finally. her lips were just the same as you remembered, her hands finding the same points on your waist and then up to cup your face. she was just the same, it was all just the same.
you were stupid and young and lovesick again, and kim taeyeon was yours again.
“i still want to.”
the two of you had always known what you’d wanted. her words hadn’t changed either. you’d been a fool after all, forgetting willfully or otherwise.
with tae, it was always the present.
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Text
Anna Karenina
The show that I’ve always wanted to listen to because of its amount of legit repertoire, but have never had the time to. Now is the time.
It's been two and a half years since I went through a show this way. I graduated from college a week ago tomorrow, and I am finding time to do my favorite things again. It's been such a fun time reflecting on my time at university. I'm grateful.
Background Info
Anna Karenina ran at Circle in the Square in the early 1990s. It wasn’t largely successful from what I understand. It is based on the Tolstoy novel of the same name. There was no cast recording for the musical until 2007, when an absolutely crazytown (my favorite term for TALENTED) group of people recorded it for posterity! Wait until you hear these names.
Writers
Music for Anna Karenina was written by Daniel Levine, who received a Tony nomination for Best Original Score for his work on the show. Peter Kellogg wrote the book and the lyrics.
I’ve been through hell and high waters trying to get a legible and complete score for this show, so we shall see how this goes.
Character List
COUNT ALEXIS VRONSKY (Baritone) - Anna's lover, a cavalry officer.
ANNA KARENINA (Soprano) - Oblonsky's sister, Karenin's wife, and Vronsky's lover. A woman who is unhappy in her marriage and searching for fulfillment in her own way.
CONSTANTIN LEVIN (Tenor) - Kitty's suitor, Stiva's old friend, certified nervous wreck.
PRINCE STEVEN OBLONSKY (Baritone) - Civil servant, Anna's brother, and man about town.
PRINCESS KITTY SCHERBATSKY (Mezzo-Soprano) - Sister-in-law to Oblonsky, pursued by Levin. Bubbly and fun.
NICOLAI KARENIN (Bass) - Senior statesman and Anna's husband, twenty years her senior.
Who’s Singing?
As I mentioned above, there was a studio cast recording that happened in 2007. It has an all-star cast, including Brian d’Arcy James as Vronsky, Melissa Errico as Anna, Gregg Edelman as Levin, Marc Kudisch as Oblonsky, Kerry Butler as Kitty, and Jeff McCarthy as Karenin. This is such a group of amazing singers and actors, especially the four men. I’m very excited to dig into this show.
Let’s Do This
In the cast album, we begin with “Journey to Moscow.” The interweaving eighth notes remind me of Anastasia. The 3+3+2 accent pattern begins as the ensemble and principals begin to sing about being on the train and all of their personal problems that will be fixed by being on the train…? I love that each of the principals get a little moment of solo line throughout. Not the most dramatically exciting opening number, but the rhythmic pulse in the music does a good job compensating for it. I do love the end, especially the piano swell.
Anna and Oblonsky sing a duet called “There’s More to Life Than Love,” filled with witty conversation. Anna is trying to tell Oblonsky that there is more to life than love (as if you didn’t get that from the title) and she is telling him this by bringing up other topics, hobbies, and humanities, however for everything she brings up, he counteracts with its connection to love. It’s written as a waltz. Marc Kudisch does such a fun job of coloring all of his comebacks. I love how Melissa Errico so casually throws her soprano up into the stratosphere out of nowhere. I especially love the very end where you think it’s going to be a big finish, but Oblonsky so quickly and quietly spits out the last lines, saying “But who cares?”
Kerry Butler enters the picture as Kitty with her solo “How Awful.” As she always is, she is earnest and hilarious. This is a fun range-y song for a mixer looking for something that is funny, but not well known. The beats are fun to play, the melody is challenging and fun to sing as well. Kerry Butler sings the role with a lot of charm.
“Would You” introduces us to Levin, who when asked how long he’d be in Moscow replies with a marriage proposal. I am beyond utterly obsessed with this song. The energy is so exciting, and the odd time signature makes it all feel a little disjunct and scared and anxious and excited. Lovely singing from Gregg Edelman!
There’s a conversation piece (Wonderful Town, anyone?) number for Kitty, Anna, Levin and Vronsky called “In a Room.” They sing individually, voicing their thoughts while the others chatter (perhaps?) I was more focused on following along in the music because the copy I have has the song, but it may as well be a completely different piece by a completely different composer for a completely different musical. It’s cute. Not very memorable.
Anna has her first solo with “Nothing Has Changed.” She lists the things she finds similar compared to the last time she was here. Levine’s harmony in this song is really remarkable. There is a constant churning with both the mode used for this piece, and also the extra notes in the chords. The suspensions added to the root position chords are impossible to miss. This song is really stunning musically. Dramatically, it’s one of those songs that tries to make something bigger out of ending exactly where the character began. Oops.
In “I Shall Work,” Levin sings about how he will become a learned man in order to ignore the romantic feelings he has for Kitty. The song reminds me a bit of Henrik from A Little Night Music. It’s got a solid high note at the end too.
“How Many Men” is where Kitty wonders how many romantic trysts she’ll have to go on before she can meet “the one.” Kerry Butler takes every opportunity to make this fun, and she succeeds. In a waltz, she allows the melody and music to accompany the dramatics of the song. This is a great audition song that no one does!
In his first solo “We Were Dancing,” Vronsky sings, presumably to Anna, as they dance. Another solo that I don’t have music for, but it’s beautiful. It reminds me of Anastasia yet again. Brian d’Arcy James keeps the material interesting.
Jeff McCarthy, everyone’s favorite officer (Lockstock) comes in as Karenin. His solo “Karenin’s List” begins with a fiery recitative. He jumps into the song proper and plots what he will say to his wife. The melody twists and turns around the scale as he maneuvers his brain through the possibilities of what to do here. McCarthy has always had a sort of operatic sound to his voice. It never ceases to amaze me. His sound has always been so remarkable for every show he’s been in. So many of these songs would work so well in an audition setting. It reminds me of She Loves Me because of the amount of solos!
Anna has another solo called “I’m Lost.” She realizes where she is in her relationship with her husband and where she is in her relationship with Vronsky. A woman discontented, she sings to herself “on the way home” according to Wikipedia. Not a big fan of the lyric “So lost, and I don’t even want to be found!” It’s giving the reaction that 8-year-olds have when they hear “you’re grounded give me your phone and go to your room” instead of “Isn’t it rich? Are we a pair?”
In the Act I Finale, “Waiting for You,” Anna and Vronsky finally have a love duet. This music is soul-stirring, and beautifully lush. Perhaps the music didn’t work its charm until the two lovers were able to embrace their love for each other. Oops. Again. Stunning vocal performances from both Errico and d’Arcy James. 
Act II starts with “This Can’t Go On.” It is an operatic trio between Anna, Vronsky, and Karenin where the three individually lament their situations. Anna asks Karenin for a divorce and reveals that she is pregnant. The harmony swells and surges. It reminds me of the “Storm” from The Secret Garden. The stakes are HIGH at the top of Act II, people! At least no one’s singing about a train anymore.
It seems that Levin’s heart has been broken in “That Will Serve Her Right.” Rather than feeling bad, he feels rage - makes for a much more interesting song. Edelman does a good job as he reprises his role from Broadway fifteen years prior. The resolution is so apparent in his voice!
Anna and Vronsky sing a duet called “Everything’s Fine.” I’m thinking about the structure of the story and I don’t see how many of these songs function in the narrative. I hunted for a script, but I couldn’t find one. Both Errico and d’Arcy James sound incredible on this music.
Anna and Kitty have their duet with “I Never Dreamed” where they both look forward to marriage, Kitty with Levin and Anna with Vronsky.
Karenin gets the eleven o’clock slot with “Only at Night.” He sings that he misses Anna, but only at night. There’s an incredible bridge here that could work so well in a cut. McCarthy is simply masterful. In this role, it reminds me of when he was in Side Show as Terry Connor.
As she denies her son, realizing that he is better off without her, Anna goes to railroad tracks and stands in front of a train in “Seryozha.” It is a hauntingly beautiful finale into a lovely “Epilogue.”
Audition Songs
There are so many solos in this show!
“How Awful” - Princess Kitty Scherbatsky, C4-F5
There is a fun, tantrum-like energy to this song. It would work for younger roles really well.
“Would You?” - Constantin Levin, C3-B4
This song is perfect for a role like Laurie from Little Women. There’s such an excited and nervous energy here. It bubbles through the accompaniment and the irregular time, and it is a fun challenge in musicianship and acting.
“Nothing Has Changed” - Anna Karenina, G3-D5
This song has a lot of beauty musically. The only problem is that, just like the title, nothing changes. It is up to the actor to choose a good and interesting cut because the music is really incredible.
“I Shall Work” - Constantin Levin, D3-B4
This time, the B is not sustained, but it is full voice. The A right beneath it is sustained right before it! This one seems like a lot of fun to act and sing. Complete devotion to someone. There are a few roles that this would be really good for. I said earlier that this reminds me of Henrik in A Little Night Music. Certainly, use it for that.
“How Many Men” - Princess Kitty Scherbatsky, A3-G5
This song has Kristin Chenoweth’s style written all over it, especially the early roles of her career. Glinda, Sally, Precious, all of them! Put it in your books!
“Karenin’s List” - Nicolai Karenin, A#2-F4
Great for a bass-baritone. There are moments of patter, but it isn’t frenzied - it is metered, it is precise, and it is premeditated. The F isn’t sustained, just tapped a couple of times.
“That Will Serve Her Right” - Constantin Levin, G2-E4
The music I have has the range listed above. The version that Gregg Edelman sings on the studio cast recording is very different. The pitches, rhythms, and many lyrics are changed.
“Only At Night” - Nicolai Karenin, Bb2-Eb4
This song is hauntingly beautiful. It lingers. The key that Jeff McCarthy sings it in is lower than the music I have.
To Wrap It Up
I didn’t see this show as one that would astound me. It didn’t flop, but it didn’t remain particularly noteworthy after its closing. Another sign is that there is no way to license the show. The good thing is that there is a lot of really good material for singers who want to explore more of a legit sound in their singing. I really like the role of Levin!
Thanks for reading!
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Text
Sept 13, 2022
FreeRun First Link of Charlie’s Family to the Men of Letters
Charlie
at the table in the map room, boxes spread all around me an old gun lying out and a couple of journals, smiling as I dig through I can’t help but think this is the history Sam and Dean have been missing!
Alex
Bear came out under table and Bear stand up
Bela
walk into the map room Hey Charlie what is all this stuff?
Charlie
Hey dean! Bear! I found some boxes in the store room… looked interesting so I decided to see what was in them. Not the art room I know…. That’s dangerous. But look! The gun is engraved with Winchester! And this journal says Wilfred Winchester… has to be a relation
Sam
Comes out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee in my hand and looks at the pile of stuff Charlie has out. Someone had their Wheaties this morning...
Charlie
Hey Sam!!
Charlie
Look! holding up Wilfred’s journal more Winchesters!
Sam
reaches for the journal Wilfred? Dean, you know that name?
Alex
Whoa what year is that from ?
Charlie
The box is labelled 1912-1914….
Alex
Whoa long time
Sam
Sits down at the table with the journal and flips through it.
Charlie
pulling out a few more journals I notice one is marked “Middleton”  hey… that’s weird….
Bela
Um nope... You're the research expert
Sam
What's weird Charlie?
Charlie
holding out the journal Middleton… that’s my moms name….
Sam
Your mom? Really?
Bela
grab the gun from the table this is badass
Charlie
Well the year doesn’t fit… but it’s odd to see that last name  smiles a little  been a while
Bela
Maybe somebody before her
Charlie
opening the journal I read the name of Alfred Middleton well not her… but maybe related
Sam
Do you know very much about your Mother's family?
Bela
Prolly a grandfather or something
Charlie
shaking head mom seemed to have a lot of secrets. She was a great mom… but in some ways I don’t think I knew her
Bela
There's gotta be some info somewhere
Charlie
Didn’t they keep genealogical records? To prove legacies? I mean a lot of people died in this fight…. Maybe we can find something?
Sam
Yeah, I know that feeling. Takes a deep breath Well, just because the outside of this box is labeled with those dates, really doesn't mean much. I've found a ton of stuff here and also in New Orleans mis-labeled. The Men Of Letters record keeping was pretty spotty
Bela
Keep searching through the boxes maybe you will more
Charlie
Yeah I’ve heard about the art room… you’re probably right… between the boxes and the internet maybe we can figure it out grins
Charlie
next out of the box comes a WW1 military uniform with the Middleton last name well… army family makes sense…
Sam
Be nice to know who these people were and how they fit in. I really don't know much about the Winchester's except what Henry told us
Charlie
next a small lock box with WW carved in it, full of old photos this one is neat! Pictures! pointing to one of a man in a police uniform that one looks kinda like dean
Sam
You know... that's World War 1, New Orleans Bunker was from the 1930's. It might also have a ton of related information. Can't deny I've been itching to get back down there
Charlie
We will Sam, road trip soon! getting my laptop I go to ancestry.com to see if I can find more information typing in Wilfred Winchester, I manage to dig up a little information. His wife was Joanna and he had a son—named henry look guys! This one has a hit
Bela
We can always go back there like we did before
Sam
Picks up the Middleton journal and flips through it Does seem to be a Men of Letters, whoever he is. Look, actual case descriptions... Hold it out for Dean and Charlie to see, then goes back to looking at it
Sam
A hit? Is that a good thing?
Charlie
Really? Maybe that’s why mom was so spacey…. thinking might explain some more of the weird happenings when I was a kid … and why we moved so much. It is! Wilfred was Henry’s father! Wonder if I find anything on Alfred
Charlie
typing in Alfred Middleton I click search, within a few minutes I find some pictures of a red headed man with a handlebar moustache well we have one thing in common
Sam
So this was our Great-Grandfathers? Looks closer at the journal
Charlie
I think so! looking at the journal with a new reverence do you think they worked together?
Sam
Alex, come and have a look. I'm beginning to think that all of this is history in the making
Bela
All this stuff is pretty cool our great grandfathers?
Charlie
chuckles yeah… I guess we do have a heritage… just one we never got to learn about
Alex
Walk over what kind history
Charlie
picking up the Middleton journal I flip to about halfway through and I see the mention of new recruits coming to the bunker, and one of them being the son of a colleague… And how he couldn’t wait to teach his daughter when she was old enough— it was nice to see women being allowed in hey look! Sounds like old Alfred was around when Henry joined too!
Bela
You think they knew each other?
Sam
That doesn't surprise me at all Charlie. From whatever learned about Chuck playing God... he manipulated us completely. Pretty sure he would have thought it was funny to link us up with you and have no idea we had a connection. Probably gave him lots of laughs
Charlie
It’s not a very big bunker they had to at least known of each other… right?
Alex
Interesting
Charlie
You’re probably right… but I have to say it’s one joke I’m not complaining about
Sam
Yeah, me either. Guess the jokes on HIM now
Charlie
Do you think that’s what happened? I never knew my grandpa…. If he was here with Henry… do you suppose Abbadon was responsible? Didn’t Henry say that she got everyone?
Sam
Henry certainly said she'd done that.
Charlie
Might explain it…. Was always a mystery. Mom worked hard to find out where he went. Said he just disappeared
Sam
Dean... Thinks about the whole timeline of our family for a minute Do you ever wonder what things would have been like if Henry hadn't gotten stuck in time? If he'd made it back to Dad. Dad would have grown up in the life. Might have grown up fighting alongside the Campbells... maybe even now Charlie's family
Charlie
Would have been crazy…. Funny we still found our way back…
Sam
Tries to imagine Dad as a Men of Letters, has to shake my head. It just doesn't fit with what I know of them or him
Charlie
Do you think that’s what happened? We know the accident mom was in was not naturally caused… maybe she got too close??
Bela
Yeah but not much different from what we've had though. I mean he just would have been in the life longer. Then again maybe dead sooner
Sam
You mean, like someone had your parent's taken out. Wow, I guess that certainly could have happened
Charlie
That’s what I’m thinking… there’s a lot of weird stuff … like that time I saw Crowley at the mall when I was 12…. I wonder what she found furrowing brows
Sam
Dean, If Henry had made it back. I think they could have found a way to stop Abbadon. Think about it. The Men Of Letters might have survived. Our lives would have been completely different. No growing up on the road, not crappy hotel rooms......
Charlie
It’s definitely a nice thought… but that means mom had more invested in the life than I ever thought… she was just a waitress… and a single mom….going back to the box I pull out another book this one titled hunters  hey! Maybe we can find the Campbells too Bela! tossing him the book Back when Henry disappeared… did anyone know what Abbadon’s end game was? Why did she want to infiltrate the bunker here? It wasn’t the only one??
Sam
We really have no way of knowing if she was working alone or not. I wondered if maybe she was just one of the pieces in motion to try to free Lucifer... we sure know Azazel was playing a long game. There is just so much we don't know about all of it. We didn't even know about the second Bunker until just a few months ago
Charlie
Hmmm wasn’t there another place?? Where you guys found the girl?? Another demon?? Do you suppose most of them house something? And maybe that’s what happened? Mom freed something like you did? And didn’t know how to fix it?
Bela
Maybe or he could catching the book from Charlie flipping through it not sure i want to find anymore Campbells.... But this has some interesting
Sam
Charlie, since your mother had you to think about, I'm sure she wouldn't have intentionally done anything that could bring danger back onto you. But others could have set something in motion that she couldn't get out of
Charlie
I bet there are some interesting characters in there….
Charlie
That’s it maybe not intentional… but she was looking for my grandpa… maybe she found something else
Sam
You didn't get to know them like I did Dean, Christian had my back loads of times, Gwen too
Bela
Yeah then you found out what i had said all along that they couldn’t be trusted remember
Charlie
pulling out a final book, it looks like a location map for all the bunkers in the US… a total of 5 look! Here’s us in red, right here. New Orleans is marked in green…. Where are these others? Which one is the one you found?
Bela
I didn’t know we found any others than the 2
Sam
What! Let me see that
Charlie
(In the show they found the other one where the demon was trapped*
Bela
(When? I'm trying to find?)
Charlie
(I’m not good with episodes in order lol I’m sorry)
Bela
(I’m searching and can’t find it)
Charlie
(Working on it. I can see it in my head but I can’t remember exactly)
Charlie
(It may not have been a bunker but it looked like one—they went to get something  and released her chick had been in there since the 30s I think)
Sam
Glythur..it came thru the rift that happened when Chuck started ending worlds... the tentacles tried to get Dean
Charlie
That’s the one! I went to go look at it after But that’s the one I’m thinking of Sam and Dean continue to collect the pieces necessary to open a rift to the other world in order to save their family. Their latest quest leads them to a Men of Letters bunker from the 1920s and a hungry God from another dimension. Meanwhile, Ketch makes a shocking decision about Gabriel after an unruly encounter with Asmodeus
Bela
I thought that was in the bunker isnt that when gabriel killled asmodeus.
Charlie
No it was in Rhode Island where she was held
Bela
Ooh that was in Rhode Island
Charlie SPN: I just went and looked at the episode lol
Bela
Was typing the same I forgot about Rhode Island
Sam
I LOVE that all this matters!!!! I know it does in MY head, love that you all go alone for me OCD ride
Charlie
I love that episode, it stuck with me 😂 I think we are all a little OCD. I remembered the bunker and the woman
Bela
This
Charlie
But that was why I had the idea for the New Orleans thing
Bela
I just totally forgot about Rhode Island
Charlie
Completely ok, different things stick with different people
Bela
looking through the book of hunters seeing who all is listen and if there's any new information that could possibly be of use to us
Sam
Charlie how much do you remember from when you were a kid? Did you know your grandfather at all?
Bela
I found him in this book.... He was apparently a British explorer. And disappeared trying to find the golden city...
Charlie
Not a lot Sam, I never met my grandpa… it was always just mom and me for as long as I can remember. She worked a lot, and when she wasn’t working she was in her office.
Sam
I didn't realize our growing up years were so similar
Charlie
That’s kind of interesting…. I wonder if that is real or a cover up for the real story…. Lot to digest there Main difference was we had an apartment and didn’t live on the road… so I guess in some ways I had it easier for sure there a picture here? Of all of mrs butters “boys”? Maybe they’re in it….. suppose she could show us who they were?
Bela
Yeah some gold casket he was looking for I guess. . according to this. And something about a gold statue of a woman... Think maybe he was hiding something else there that the men of letters or somebody might have wanted?
Sam
She'd be the one to ask for sure. She had a front row seat to that history
Charlie
going over to the wall I grab the picture and put it on the table We know front and Center is Cuthbert….The one to the left of him…. Does his hair look red?
Sam
They look like bankers, hard to believe hunting took place in suits back then
Charlie
Hard to imagine…And dean, I think you may be on the right track… hiding things seemed commonplace then….
Sam
Pretty common place now...how many hunts we been on looking for things that were hidden
Charlie
This kinda feels like a personal quest… I’m glad you guys are here to help…. smiles let’s ask Mrs butters if she can name the other guys….
Sam
There might even be more pictures around here. They certainly took a lot of movie footage of interrogations and things they were trying out, might even be able to find him in those
Charlie
I hadn’t thought of that! The storeroom still has a ton of stuff….
Bela
Storeroom or artifact room?
Charlie
Storeroom… I’m not snooping in the art room…. I’ve seen how many creatures were actually stored in there… decided to check the store room… sounded safer Mostly clothes and decorations but some other stuff too!
Bela
smiles oh but you should like the creatures that were stored there laughs drinking my coffee
Sam
Not sure any places in these Bunkers are makes air quotes with my fingers 'safer' than others. But there are certainly some places we still can look.
Bela
Totally agree you never know what can be hiding away where
Charlie
reaching into the box again I find a small box with A. Middleton written on it and I pull out this Guess this goes with the uniform…. It’s a victory medal Well that art room is not my favorite place to search…
Bela
Victory medal for what I wonder
Charlie
Looks like World War One…. Matches the uniform….
Bela
True. Just... So much that maybe doesn’t quite match up? It’s just interesting to say the least
……New Orleans Bunker…….........................................................................
Sam
I insert the key into the New Orleans Bunker’s heavy door and feel the locks move as I turn it. Part of me had been a little worried that the leprechaun in charge of the place might have changed the locks after Ruby and I left the last time. Pushing down on the handle, the door swings open easily for as old and unused as it was. Stepping inside, I push the button on the wall and lights came on throughout the lower floor.
“So far so good”
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vrishchikawrites · 3 years
Note
People are so used to see tortured heroes and their sunshine sidekick/best friend who is ready to support this hero all the time only to die in the end, thereby triggering another "soul searching" of the said hero, they not know how to deal with WWX who is so positive all the time. Maybe the reason they latch on to JC so much is because on the surface he looks like this so called tortured hero archetype. They never dig deep into these characters at all and realize JC was never a hero.
In many ways, you're right. But honestly, I don't feel like JC fits the tortured hero archetype either. Let's look at some of the most pivotal points of his characterization for a bit. It doesn't even require deep reading.
1. His first appearance involves trying to capture and torture WWX. Even his own internal thoughts clearly state he has done this before, captured people on mere suspicion and tortured info out of them. Not hero like.
2. He sics a dog at WWX knowing he has crippling cynophobia. He tries to guilt and gaslight WWX and then cripple his confidence. He even tries to weaken WWX's burgeoning trust in the adult LWJ. Not hero like.
3. In the Xuanwu of Slaughter incident, he keeps trying to hold WWX back. WWX takes the leadership role immediately and gets into problem solving mode while JC focuses on covering their own heads. Not hero like.
4. He repeatedly refuses to step up in defense of the defenceless. Repeatedly. That is his entire characterization. He doesn't speak up about his debt, he doesn't help WWX during the BM arc. He dismisses abuse of MianMian in the cave and JGY at the Pheonix Mountain Hunt. Not hero like. Traditionally, heros stand up against injustice, especially when the injustice is happening against vulnerable people.
5. He fights in the Sunshot Campaign because he is driven by revenge and has nothing to lose. He's not acting on some noble impulse to defend people against Wen oppression. Very anti-hero. To do good but for personal reasons instead of morality.
6. Even as a leader, he doesn't look like a hero. His people don't approach him. He encourages his nephew to cheat during Nighthunts by using their wealth. It it notable that YMJ had been needlessly rebuilt to be an ostentatious place. Not very hero like.
His sole act of heroism is trying to distract Wens from WWX and it is a impulse more than anything else. He has no idea what the consequences would be. He reacts because he has already lost his entire sect and has one of two anchors left. That is a very understandable and natural impulse. It shows a degree of care. But he takes it as a lesson to never risk anyone for WWX again. Which leads to disaster at almost every turn.
So, imo, there's nothing heroic for people to latch onto, not even at no point during the narrative does he come across as a true hero, whether you look at the surface or dig deep. Another thing - heroes are always universally eager to act in defence of children. I don't think you'll find many willing to ignore a child at risk. Batman - the very epitome of the tortured hero archetype - adopts children like they're going out of fashion.
And yet. JC sees a child in a distressing situation and doesn't lift a finger to help.
The text couldn't make it any clearer that JC is not a hero. What people are connecting to isn't his heroism - it is to his selfishness. His feeling of insecurity. They're connecting to 'why is this person so much better than me in every way?' because almost everyone feels that way at some point in their lives.
If WWX wasn't JC's martial brother, if WWX didn't belong to YMJ, if the narrative didn't highlight the clear difference between JC and WWX as a way to prove a point, I don't think as many people would like him. Because there is no real heroism there.
So nonny, TL;DR - There's no tortured hero narrative for people to latch on to, even in a surface reading. They're creating that out of thin air to justify their love for an antagonist. Which is fine, really. I've loved antagonists before. But call spade a spade.
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wnnbdarklord · 3 years
Text
EDIT: so I started writing this like a week ago, but honestly the finale killed any desire in me to interact with this show in a fannish way. So have these half assed notes. I think it's obvious where I lost steam. These ideas are free for use for anyone who wants them in fic, have at you. As it is, I don't think I'll interact with this show as a fan any further than this.
How I would write a Loki show in bullet points (and a mishmash of short scenes and dialogue, let's be honest) for my sanity!
Presuming some disney exec came down from on high and forced the inclusion of EG!Loki and the TVA (because otherwise it'd be IW!Loki that survived and it'd be all about him finding his best life away from Earth, Asgard, Thor and the whole Thanos/EG situation. Or if I only had to include the TVA, it'd be IW!Loki dealing with the TVA, not EG!Loki):
Fair warning: this will likely be a mess since I'm not entirely motivated to not have it be so. 
[cut for length]
Ep1:
- Loki escapes to Nidavelir and uses the tools there to get rid of the chains and muzzle. A CONTROLLED use of the Tesseract, thankyouverymuch
- the TVA comes for him and Loki is wary and on the alert, exhausted from the whole Avengers thing so he immediately makes a clone to interact with the TVA and observes from afar
- the TVA fall for it when they try to bitchslap him like in the show, but immediately regroup when it goes through the illusion and start a search pattern. Their tech can scan for his temporal aura and they close in on Loki quickly (show the TVA as at least somewhat competent or they're shit antagonists for Loki)
- Loki, who still has hold of the Tesseract, portals out of there
- what follows is a quick chase scene across multiple planets and realms, but the TVA are always on his heels. The longest time they take to find him is during an ongoing apocalypse on a random planet that's enough for Loki to get a quick breather. but you know, disaster's on the horizon, so he has to leave eventually. but this is the first clue both we as an audience and Loki get about potential hiding places.
- when an exhausted Loki finally turns to fight, he manages to take several minutemen out  (justifying B-15's hate on for him) before one of them gets in a lucky shot and freezes him
- "Who are you people?" [short flash of Loki's eyes flashing green and the entire scene getting a strange cast, floating energy swirling around everything. It's beautiful, but the TVA people's energy is out of sync, out of touch and strangely jagged compared to their surroundings]
- they slap the collar on him and march him into the TVA
- Loki immediately tries to pull the same illusion trick but it doesn't work cause no magic in the TVA (maybe some visual indication of what he's trying to do, but it doesn't go past his skin. You know, like Sylvie managed in ep 3 -.-)
- he doesn't wildly panic, but we see his breathing speed up and he immediately looks at his left hand and relaxes when he sees it isn't turning blue. 
- okay so the TVA have caught him, he's on their shit list, no magic, exhausted, no idea what's going on, who these people are or how powerful they are - he chooses to play nice for now and bide his time
- the whole intake process is spent in quiet observation mode, only speaking when spoken to
- discomfort at being out of his clothes, but maybe only a wry joke about them wanting to strip him naked (making him a participant in all the thirst jokes)
- he doesn't ask if a lot of people don't know they're robots like a child wanting validation and he's not visibly afraid. Instead, we see him look at his hand again and try for wry humor when asking. But he steps into the device without much hesitation. It's death vs certainty and we already know he's chosen death once before.
- the propaganda cartoon is much shorter and plays in the background so we can see Loki's incredulous eyebrow raise at it. the ticket thing gets an eyeroll, but ready compliance since it's not worth it to argue
- when he sees the other guy get "pruned", he immediately reaches for the ticket to reassure himself it's there, but doesn't wave it around triumphantly, just sighs in relief
- trial can stay mostly unchanged, just no stupid magic attempt in the middle
"It's not your story, Mr. Laufeyson, it never was" (AND THIS SHALL BE PROVEN FALSE, you know, unlike in the show where it turned out to be their fucking mission statement) also, Loki gives her murder eyes for calling him that
- in fact, instead of trying magic, Loki holds up the controller he stole from  B-15 as she was escorting him to the trial and waves as he disappears through a door backwards
After that scene is the church scene with bodies, establishing Mobius as a hunter of dangerous variants. Someone is killing TVA officers
Mobius gets called back as in canon, but arrives too late to stop our Loki from leaving
Sidenote: Loki still has the tesseract since it was in his pocket dimension during the fight the TVA nabbed him in
Ep 2:
- it's now a few days/weeks later. Loki is back in his own clothes, a simpler outfit not geared for war. He's in the biggest library in the universe, the depository of almost all knowledge, looking for information about the TVA. there is Nothing, suspiciously so
- once again, the TVA shows up and he has to run yet again. maybe he kills this team too, to buy himself more time. he steals a melt stick and more time pads and reset charges
- he needs more information and the only place he'll get it is at the TVA it seems, so he shapeshifts into his female form, dressed as one of the many paperpushers at the TVA and we see her being relieved that the spelled clothing is holding once she passes through the time door
(another aside, but ideally the female form is more like Eva Green or Katie McGrath. AND NOT BLONDE)
- acting like she belongs, Loki effortlessly manages to snoop around the TVA for a few hours
- there's only one close call with C-20, but Loki manages to deflect suspicion by parroting the motto at her, which Loki reads from a nearby propaganda poster (cause Loki is good at lying, manipulation and flying by the seat of their pants)
- eventually, she ends up at the archive area and begins researching. We see that Loki is competent at this and is quick to pick up the filing system. the variant number from the papers she signed the episode before becomes relevant to finding the appropriate files
- before she can dig too deep into her own life story as laid out by these people, just as she finds the Ragnarok Report, Mobius finds her (maybe there was a silent alarm triggered by unauthorized access or something. Slightly more competent TVA)
- there is a scene where Mobius and Loki play a game of chicken and manipulation, wordplay and lying until it becomes clear Mobius knows who Loki is (actually establishing some camaraderie)
- Loki gets a little hoisted by their own petard since they're enjoying the banter so much, the backup Mobius called for catches them a little off guard, collared again
- since info gathering is still the name of the game, Loki doesn't try to get away just yet
(during this entire scene, Mobius is the same offhandedly condescending prick he is in canon, but it's very obviously framed that way)
(also featuring confirmation of the genderfluidity thing because fuck you disney)
M: "Nice disguise. Really had me fooled for a second there."
L: "It's hardly a disguise. I am always myself."
[Loki shifts back to male, though the clothes remain the same (shifting =/= magic)]
M: "Yeah, well, next time you want to go undercover at the TVA, maybe don't choose a face we already have from several other of your variants."
[Loki twitches a little, since that wasn't a form he openly wore a lot (even when he wanted to) cause Asgard is a dick about shifting genders] 
L: "And how does that work exactly?"
M: "Got your entire life on file, buddy. But you know, sometimes Asgard isn't a complete stick in the mud the day you gather enough courage to show up to dinner in a dress. We usually have to prune those timelines quickly."
[Loki's grin is more like a snarl, frozen on his face, since he picks up the implications loud and clear (the implication being that him being too happy is not allowed in the Sacred Timeline)]
M: [picks up the files Loki was looking at] "Come on, I've got something to show you."
-cue time theater scene
-that little scene of looking out at the TVA does not feature Loki being impressed or awed at the TVA's tech. It features him being scared/uneasy because the TVA is completely dead to his senses. Loki's eyes do the same flash as before, but everything is completely dull, no energy anywhere. He can barely see some swirls on his own arms]
-Loki asks why this charade, Mobius tells him the TVA is willing to come to an agreement with Loki for his help
"You're not the only one running around messing up the Sacred Timeline. Come on, job interview time."
(it's really really not)
- Mobius tries the same schtick as before, but it's both less and more effective. Less cause Loki has had a bit more time to collect himself since the invasion, more cause he's more aware of the TVA's power and has been chased by them for a while now
- we see Loki being affected by the Frigga thing BUT he also picks up how edited the reel is
- still, he lets Mobius do the "only thing you're good for" bit until we see him look up with murder in his eyes, even through the tears
- "I am going to burn this place to the ground and I am going to start with you. That is my bargain."
"Yeah, cause your "bargains" [Mobius full on air quotes here] work out so well for you," he says, offering Loki a hand up
-cue alarm and Mobius rushing out
-Loki grabs the files Mobius left behind, and also the tape in the hologram projector and escapes
- no infinity stones scene, cause Loki still has the Tesseract and doesn't go to look for more
- cut to the TVA running around in a panic, multiple branches forming on the displays. It's the same bombing plot as in the show, but now serving as a distraction for Loki to get away
- when they figure this out, Ravonna: "You should have just pruned him when you found him. There's a reason we don't reset Loki variants. Our luck always runs out eventually with them. Fix this, Mobius. Or you'll have to answer to the TimeKeepers."
- back to Loki, he steps out into chaos as something explodes behind him. He's in another apocalypse. During his running from the TVA, he noticed it takes them longer to find him whenever there's a lot of chaos around him, death and destruction. He finds a still intact building, seems high tech. Everyone else has already evacuated
- he takes the Tesseract out and blue and green energy surges around him and engulfs the building. It's suddenly quiet and we see outside the windows are pitch black 
- Loki quickly looks away
"Finally, some peace and quiet."
He slumps down to the floor, files scattered around him, tesseract nearby and curls up, dejected and exhausted 
Side note: Loki doesn't need to worry about recharging tempads since he has the tesseract, which was established in Avengers as able to provide infinite energy
Ep 3:
- he finds out about the variants in this episode, maybe goes looking for other variants before the TVA finds them
-how Loki finds out the TVA are all variants: he'd knocked out B-15 for a bit to interrogate her
-they're found by another team of minutemen, led by B-16, who is wearing B-15's face. Several of the other minutemen we've seen Loki kill in earlier episodes as well. They attack *both* of them cause they assume B-15 is compromised. Loki and B-15 work together and kill the whole lot, staring at each other incredulously
"You're Variants! You're all Variants!"
[B-15 collapses to her knees in shock] 
End episode
EDIT: My basic idea for episodes 4 & 5 were Loki and B-15 working together and travelling through various timelines trying to get to the TimeKeepers, but realizing something was wrong the further they went. Time begins breaking down, paradoxes are all over the place and the TVA keeps pruning some specific place so much that sometimes two teams are on top of each other. Stuff like that. 
I also had a few scenes where Loki meets other variants (that aren't him), but who actually like and even love him. Men, women, variations thereupon, and one or two who would mistake Loki for their Loki. So we get bi confirmation without actually including romance in the show itself, because 6 episodes isn't enough to develop that along with everything else that's going on.
Vaguely outlined here: 
My "how to include the bi thing without the main story being a romance and also indicating that Loki is able to be liked and loved by people who aren't just variants of himself, please and thank you":
(note to self, rewrite this so it makes sense lol EDIT: lol, don't feel like it so this is all you get, folks!) 
a variant significant other, male: kisses Loki
Loki: You are clearly my type, but I'm sorry. I'm not him.
[heartbroken expression on the variant]
from another timeline Loki visits:
woman holding a sword to his head after looking at him suspiciously: Change back!
Loki: Into who?!
woman: Her!
[Loki shapeshifts into his female self]
woman lets go of the sword
"You escaped! When Odin took you away, I thought he would kill you. Why did you never come back to me, my love?"
EDIT: My "twist" ending was that the Time Keepers were dead, not that they never existed. Some sort of mcguffin exists to just break the whole TVA and free the timelines. Idk, maybe the TVA was just a test to see if it'd work, but the system just kept perpetuating itself after the power hungry losers kept it going beyond the bounds of the experiment. Either way: 
villain plot twist: the time keepers are long dead. the TVA is a terrible system that perpetuated itself on its own, only a few judges were aware that the timekeepers had ever died. The entire System Has To Go (lol like disney would ever go there)
The system is literally Killing the Universe, since the universe's natural state of being is a multiverse. But the system don't care, system don't give a shit. System only exists to perpetuate itself, system's survival is the most important, catastrophic universal failure need not apply
(this is way too on the nose for disney, but since this rewrite's motto is Fuck Disney, it shall stay)
EDIT: this was how I imagined the climax of the series.
Mobius or Ravonna (i never decided): "All the chaos, all the possibilities? How can you stand the uncertainty? How can you believe the world will be any better than it is now?"
Loki: "Because it has to be!" [smashy smashy TVA]
series ends with the timeline breaking free
we see various scenes of the variants in their former lives, happy
and AU scenes of the previous movies:
Loki gets pulled up on the bridge
Loki accepts Thor's offer during the Avengers
Loki gets up on Svartalfheim, bleeding heavily, but doesn't go to Asgard but to Thor
Loki tricks Thanos during IW
Loki as an Avenger
Loki as a kid
Loki as a girl
Loki on jotunheim, fully jotun
Loki on Asgard, jotun
faster and faster, all sorts of different AU scenes until the screen goes dark and we see our Loki, smirking
"But...well, those are stories for another time."
and he steps back into the shadows.
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kaistarus · 3 years
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College Drop-Out
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Pairing: NishinoyaXReader
Words:  1.6K
Summary: When Noya shows up in the middle of the night unprompted you’re more than surprised at the news he brings with him.
A/N: angsty >:D but it’s me so is it really? lol
Masterlist
A strange vibration pulled you out of your deep slumber. You whined as you smoothed your hand across your mattress aimlessly searching for what caused the annoyance. When your fingers glided across the soft cotton sheet to land on your cell phone your frustration hit its peak.
You pulled it down, squinting at the blinding screen that shone Nishinoya’s contact against your room’s pitch-black darkness. You swept the red circle to end your suffering and snuggled back into your cocoon of warmth. Whatever Nishinoya wanted at nearly three in the morning he could deal with himself.
The cellphone began vibrating a second time and with clenched teeth you sent him to voicemail again without opening your eyes.
But when your phone vibrated a third time you violently slid the green circle across the screen before shouting into the receiver, “Noya, it is two in the morning what the hell do you-”
“I can’t believe you sent me to voicemail,” Nishinoya sounded offended and you let out a pathetic muffled whine against your pillow.
“I’m trying to sleep.” You glared blankly at the apartment window across yours-their lights all off stave a few. You envied the ones lucky enough to be sleeping. “What do you want.”
“You’re already sleeping on a Saturday?” Nishinoya questioned.
“Already? It’s nearly two a.m, Noya.” You scoffed while straining to hear the gusts of wind on his side of the line. “Where are you?”
“Outside.”
“Obviously, I mean where outside?”
“Outside-outside,” he unhelpfully clarified. “I’m outside your apartment.”
You blinked several times before shooting up in bed, “what?”
“It’s really cold out. Could you let me in?”
You hopped out of bed and moved toward your closet, sliding into your simplest pair of shoes and rushing to the hall. “This better not be a prank, Noya.”
“It’s not,” he said as you impatiently jabbed the elevator button. “I wanted snacks from the gas station, but I must have taken a wrong turn back because I ended up here.”
“Wrong turn?” You furrowed in confusion when the elevator finally arrived. “Noya, I’m a thirty minute walk from your place.”
“Oh, right.”
You felt your cheeks warm when you stepped out of the elevator to find him standing in the vestibule. His hair had been whipped around by the wind and was a chaotic mess; you could tell he looked exhausted, but still managed a bright smile when he lifted a plastic bag filled with various snacks.
You rolled your eyes and let him in without hesitation, taking the bag from his grasp the moment he stepped through the glass doors.
“Thanks,” he mumbled while shuffling toward the elevator. You eyed him uncertainly, but followed him closely as he pressed the buttons that would take you both to your apartment.
“Are you okay?” You asked when the normally nonexistent awkward silence became too intense to ignore. He followed you hesitantly into your apartment, completely oblivious that you’d even asked a question until you’d turned to face him in your kitchen when the door swung shut. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” He said, avoiding your eyes.
You rolled yours and took the snack bag to your couch with a yawn, “you’re acting weird.”
“I’m always weird.”
“True, but this is a different weird.” You sat cross-legged, digging through the bag and pulling out a soda-you figured you’d need the caffeine to deal with whatever was happening. “Something’s clearly wrong.”
“No.” He sat down across from you on the floor and hugged his knees to his chest. “Well, maybe. I don’t know actually.”
Your eyes softened at his nervous expression that didn’t fit his confident persona, “you can tell me anything. Promise.”
He took a deep breath, making determined eye-contact before announcing, “I’m dropping out.”
You blinked once. Twice. “What the fuck?”
“I hate everything about college. I’m not good at it and it stresses me out and makes me depressed and I…” His eyes fell toward the floor. “I can’t do it anymore.”
You knew Nishinoya hated it here. Every time you studied for exams you could see the light draining from his eyes, and he spent more time finding ways to procrastinate than actually doing his homework. You didn’t know it was to the point that he wanted to drop out though.
“What are you goin-”
“Travel.” His lips quipped into a half-smile. “It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, so I’m just gonna fucking do it. Fuck college. This place sucks.”
You allowed a soft smile. How very Nishinoya to decide ‘fuck college’ because ‘this place sucked’ and start traveling the world. You scanned his determined expression and nodded.
“Okay.”
“I know, it sounds ridiculous but maybe if you sleep on it you’ll understand why-” He raised his brow. “Wait, huh?”
“I said, okay.” Your smile widened the more the idea settled in your head. “Dropping out should be easy enough, but I think the bigger problem will be getting money.”
He stared at you wondrously while you spoke which made you a little uncomfortable.
“My grandpa knows someone in Italy. They said they can get me set up there with a job and everything, so that’s where I’m gonna start.” He said while avoiding your eyes.
“Oh, you have a plan.” Your stomach knotted at the news, but you smiled through it. “Do you know when you want to go because subleasing can be-”
“I’m in love with you and I want you to come with me.”
Your mouth hung open and you stared at him with wide eyes. His face was bright red as he watched your reaction with baited breath. As you continued staring at him in stunned silence he cleared his throat and put his hands between you both as if calming a startled animal.
“Okay, um, you look like you’re panicking.”
You nodded, giving him a once-over and scooting further into the couch away from him.
“Let me try again,” Nishinoya took a deep breath before nodding. “I would very much like to suggest that you also dropped out of college, so that we may travel together.”
“Nishinoya, I don’t think that’s-”
“Also I’m in love with you.”
“I heard that part.”
He sent you fingers guns and quickly averted his eyes. You stared down at your hands and urged your sleep deprived brain to work faster on a solution, but this was a massive info dump. You locked onto his nervous amber eyes, now curiously watching you, and sighed before patting the spot beside you on the couch.
Nishinoya looked at it confused but crawled forward and climbed up beside you. This had never been how you expected everything to go, but with Nishinoya you shouldn’t have planned things to be normal.
“We’re just going to speed this up,” you took a deep breath and grabbed the sides of his face, forcing him to face you. You ignored the way your heart raced against your chest when his cheeks turned a deep shade of red. “I like you,” and before his smile could get too wide you continued. “But I’m not dropping out.”
His shoulders dropped and you could see the heartbreak in his eyes, “but why?”
You rattled your brain for the exact reason because you knew it existed, but it was really hard to find when the boy you liked was rubbing small circles gently against your knee while begging you to travel the world with him.
“I only have a year left,” you settled on while he placed a steady hand atop yours, “and I don’t think I’m ready for something like that.”
His eyes searched intensely for something in yours before he quietly asked, “what about after you graduate?”
You half-smiled and gently pressed your forehead against his. “You know I can’t promise you something that far away. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“You’re the only good thing about this place,” he groaned frustrated. “I don’t want to leave you behind.”
“You’re ridiculous,” you teased, but there was no bite in your words. Your chest was already aching at the realization that you’d be losing him--all-nighters at the library, college parties and being carried home, drunken fast food trips, random late night visits, surprise post-final celebrations--all of him.
As if mirroring your sinking dread, Nishinoya wrapped his arms around your midsection and pulled you closer, nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck.
“You need to go though,” you said, pressing your cheek against the top of his head. “You’re right. This place isn’t good for you.”
He nodded in silent agreement.
“Things will work out.” You smiled slightly as he tightened his hold on you. “We’ll be okay.”
He nodded with a shaky breath in response. You closed your eyes and relaxed in his hold for the time you had. You knew your words were the truth-Nishinoya did too. Even if it wasn’t in the way you wanted right then you would both be okay.
Nishinoya would leave and with enough time you would become a distant memory for him. For you it would become the same. He would be successful and happy in his own way because that’s what he did, he was good at what he set his mind to. And you would move on to what you needed.
But you could live in this right now. Pretend you would have had something if your futures aligned differently. Maybe only these few minutes. Maybe for the night. For however long you’d allow yourself these feelings with him. But for now it could be enough.
It was enough.
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Stars on your Sleeve (Part 2) [A Jay Halstead Imagine]
A/N: The name of the girl is Y/N (I mostly write my imagines in second person POV...except for the one you guys might see in a few weeks) and cariña is just a nickname/term of endearment in Spanish that means sweetheart. Sorry if anyone got confused about that in part one!
"Dad," you started as you walked into Jay's office after school that day.
It was a Thursday and you had taken the bus from school to the district. It wasn't often that you did this, but you had gotten texts from both your mom and dad telling you that the current case was going to drag on and on tonight, so they wanted you at the district so that you wouldn't be home alone until two or three o'clock in the morning.
"Hi, cariña. How was your day? Learn anything interesting in school?"
"Dad," you groaned. "It's high school, half the stuff they teach me I won't ever use again."
"Well, excuse me for wanting to know about my daughter's day."
"Just can't wait for this week to be over to sleep in."
"You and me both, kid."
"Half the time you work weekends though, Dad," you pointed out.
"Comes with the sergeant title."
"And your sleeping in is like 7:00."
"Point taken. Now, did Mom pack you a few extra snacks or do you need some money for the vending machines?"
"She didn't--"
"Don't even finish that sentence, young lady," Hailey said as she burst into Jay's office. "I packed you a few extra things and you know it. You just want--"
"--Oreos," Jay and Hailey said at the same time.
"Hey, don't blame me! They taste good," you protested. "Anyway, Dad, can I use your laptop to do my homework?"
"Don't you have that school-issued one?"
"That one blocks Netflix."
Jay crossed his arms across his chest. "Homework, huh?"
"I'm just writing a paper. It's not like I'm doing math or reading something."
"What type of paper?" Hailey asked. "Because, I'm pretty sure that if it's a research paper, you need to focus."
"It's a narrative, so I don't need to be constantly focused, Mom."
"Makayla does the same thing," Adam said as he entered the office as well. "Let the kid have the laptop, Jay."
"Thanks, Adam."
"Uh," Jay groaned, "I guess."
"We also have a lead, so you wanna roll out after I give you the info?" Adam asked.
"Yeah. Sorry, Y/N, you need to go into the breakroom now."
"But why can't I stay in here?" you whined. "I want your spinny chair."
"Y/N, this is a case," your mom told you. "You know the rules: no being around the case talk. It's for your own good, we don't want to scar or scare you."
Mom, you know what I've seen, you wanted to tell her, but you knew it would be no use as your parents would never budge on this rule.
"I know, Mom."
Jay pulled his laptop from his desk along with the charger. "Rules?" he probed, holding onto the laptop and charger.
"Dad, I know the rules. Mom, c'mon, tell him."
"It's your dad's laptop, Y/N. I'm not arguing with you or him on this one."
Jay cocked his head to the side. "I'll give you the laptop after you tell me the rules...even though I know you know them."
You sighed. You went through this every time you used his laptop when he was going to be gone. "Only use my account, don't try to login to your account, and do not delete my search history."
"Here you go." He handed you his laptop and charger. "Good luck on your paper. Don't work too hard."
You went into the breakroom and opened the laptop. First, you pulled up Netflix, and then you pulled up your paper. It was your paper for your senior portfolio, which most people were putting off, seeing as you were only a freshman, you didn't need to work on it yet. But, you knew it had to be long, so starting it now would probably be helpful.
The paper was basically a narrative telling a story about each year of school. The stories had to be from two to five pages long, which meant that the paper in its entirety would be between 26 and 65 pages long. But, you didn't mind. It's not like you had to write a boring research paper. You also had to write about your career goals and one wish for your future as well, which would make the paper even longer still.
Seeing as your schooling didn't exactly match up with the American school system until you were around nine and in third grade, you had gotten permission from your teacher to just write about the sections of kindergarten, first, and second grade, as just memories from when you were six, seven, and eight years old.
You'd save the memories of six and seven for later, since you'd have to dig into the part of your brain where you were in the orphanage with your older sister, Illiana.
For now, you just scribbled down a few lines for ideas of when you were eight years old...which was pretty simple since a lot happened in your life that year.
***
"Y/N, we brought you some food if you--"
"Shut up!" Mouse hissed as the rest of the unit clambered up the stairs and into the bullpen. "She's sleeping."
Yes, when Mouse came home he returned to his job as the tech analyst of the Intelligence Unit. And, when Jay became sergeant, he pulled a few strings and got him a huge salary increase.
"I'll pull the car around front," Hailey offered.
"No," Jay whined. "That means I gotta be the bad guy and wake her up."
"Sorry, babe. I call dibs."
"Ew, guys, please keep the lovey-dovey nicknames to home. I don't need to see that," Adam joked.
"Shut up, Ruz."
Hailey swiped the keys from Jay's office and Jay went to wake you up. But, before he did, he saw the laptop, still open to both Netflix and your paper.
There wasn't much in the paper yet, as Jay had expected, only a few bullet points. His name caught his eye below the age 8 section...whatever that meant. He didn't mean to pry (well, really he did), but he closed the laptop without logging you out so that he and Hailey could take a look at it later.
"Y/N, Y/N, wake up."
You were woken up by someone gently shaking your shoulder.
"Quiero dormir, vaya," you whined. That was one thing you always did: reverted back to Spanish when you were tired. At least both Jay and Hailey understood it now because they had learned Spanish...which helped them with parenting because when they were mad at you, they'd talk in Spanish and that's how you know you were in deep shit.
"I know you want to sleep, and I'm not leaving," Jay answered. "But, we're going home so you can sleep in your bed instead of here."
"Mmmm, okay," you mumbled. You rubbed your eyes, but then decided it was too much work to get up, so you just sat up and closed your eyes once again.
"C'mon, cariña. Mom's got the car out front and then all you gotta do is stay awake until we get home, okay?"
"Mmmm," you mumbled and then stood up. He already had your backpack slung over his shoulder and was holding his laptop in the other hand. "Can I skip school tomorrow? I'm tired."
"Not a chance," Jay chuckled. "But, I can drive you to school and we can get you a frappucino on the way there."
"Mom won't be mad?"
"We don't have to tell Mom everything now do we?"
"No, we don't."
***
"What are you doing?" Hailey asked Jay as she slid into bed next to him that night. "Are you seriously checking our daughter's search history this late at night? C'mon Jay, she's a good kid. You won't find anything."
"That's not what I'm looking at. But, now that you mention it, I should probably check that, too."
"Then, what are you reading? Because I know for a fact that your case notes are definitely not as organized as that."
"Wow, Hails, you're so sweet," Jay said sarcastically. "It's Y/N's paper. The rubric was pasted at the top and it looks like she has to write about a memory from each year of her life and her career goals and a wish for the future."
"And you were snooping because...?"
"Because I saw my name. I wanna see what she says about us, Hailey."
"Jay, she loves us, baby. We're her parents. We both know that. You don't need to read her schoolwork to know that."
"Either way, I'm still reading it. Join me if you want, or go to sleep."
"Uh, fine. But if she asks, this was your idea and I will not hesitate to throw you under the bus."
Age 8, they both read to themselves, leaving/running away from orphanage
"God, no matter how many years it's been since she told us what happened, it never fails to break my heart," Hailey said.
Jay wrapped one arm around his wife. "I know, babe. I feel the exact same way."
"Hey, Y/N," the therapist started and you looked up at her. "Do you want to in that room over there and watch some tv while I talk to jay and Hailey? I can even turn on the Spanish movies for you."
"Okay!"
After getting you all set up, she left you in the room with a Spanish children's movie playing while she went to get Jay and Hailey.
"Jay and Hailey?" she asked as she entered the waiting room.
"Dr. Smith," Jay greeted.
"I have something to tell both of you, and Y/N told me it was okay that I tell you. When I asked if she wanted to be the one to tell you this, she said no because she didn't want to make you sad."
They entered the room where you had previously been and Dr. Smith sat in a chair and Jay and Hailey sat on the couch.
"What's this about?" Hailey asked.
"Well, she told me why she ran away from the orphanage."
Jay and Hailey were shocked. You'd been with them for three months and hadn't once mentioned why you ran away and what happened before Jay found you. It wasn't for lack of trying on Hailey and Jay's part, though. They tried. After all, they knew how to talk to child victims. But, they didn't want to push you too hard, and eventually, they just dropped the topic all together because they knew you'd talk about it when you were ready. Apparently, today was the day that you were ready to tell that story.
"And?" Jay pushed. "Why'd she run away?"
"She said that they came for her, the people who you were fighting," Dr. Smith said.
"Los Rebeldes," Jay said, more to Hailey than to anyone else.
"They came for her specifically?" Hailey asked.
"No, they just came to the orphanage. She said that she heard voices--male voices--telling them to get down on the ground and then some shots rang out. Her sister, Illiana, told her to hide and slipped the necklace around her neck. So, she did. She said she closed her eyes really tight and she just laid there, hiding and barely breathing. She said she heard a gunshot and then she heard Illiana scream and she heard squishing noises."
"Oh my God," Hailey gasped.
"You're saying they shot and killed her?" Jay asked, his voice cracking.
"That's what it sounded like, yes."
"How did she get out?"
"She said that she snuck out through a small door in the back of the room. She said it wasn't a real door, but it was a small door that led to the outside, by her description, it sounded about three feet tall and two feet wide."
"The waste doors," Jay muttered.
"The what?" Hailey asked.
"The waste doors...well, that's what we called them on Base anyway. They were these little doors where you could place stuff outside. Sometimes we'd put the packaging of our MRE's there or other crap we didn't need anymore. Not good for the planet, but yeah, that's what we did."
"So, Jay, you're telling me that Y/N essentially snuck out of the orphanage through a trash chute?"
"Well, we used them for waste, which is why we called them waste doors. But, I heard rumors of them being used at orphanages for parents to put their baby in a crib. They'd just open the door and place the baby in the little crib on the other side of the door."
"She moved the crib and snuck out through there?"
"If there was a crib, then she moved it and got out. If not, she just crawled out through there."
"Did she tell you anything about when she left?" Hailey asked Dr. Smith.
"She said that she didn't have much with her, just her teddy bear and that locket. But, she said that she walked for the rest of the day. And, according to her timeline, the soldiers came right after breakfast. She said she was really scared that they were going to find her and so she just kept walking. But then, she found a bit of a forest it sounded like and since it was starting to get dark and cold, she laid down."
"I found her in the middle of the night and she must've been there since sunset. No wonder she was hypothermic."
"We got her her first banana split after that therapy session," Hailey said. "I honestly don't know whether the food was to get her to try something new or to comfort us."
"Yeah, that was a rough night. I didn't even want her to leave my arms," Jay said. "Jay found me and I went home to Chicago," he read aloud. "Man, that night was rough, too. Probably worse than the night where we found out why she left."
"Now, it's crowded here, cariña so stay cerca to us or go mano a mano with me or Hailey, okay?" Jay asked you as the three of you found a parking spot at Navy Pier.
Adam, Kim, Kevin, and Will were all there as well. They had planned to go out and party and go to a bar when Jay returned home, but that changed now that he and Hailey had a kid to take care of, so they had decided to take a trip to Navy Pier.
In the airport, Jay had gotten a huge coffee from Starbucks, seeing as he had barely slept on the way home. Before coming to Navy Pier, you had gone to a place called iHOP where you had gotten some really yummy pancakes, and Adam, Kevin, and Will had made you laugh a lot and Kim spoke Spanish with you.
"What does that word mean?" you asked.
"What word?" Jay asked, looking down at you as he took your hand.
"Cr-crowded," you sounded out slowly.
"Uh, it means there's lots and lots of people."
"Oh, okay. I stay by you."
"So Y/N, what do you like to do?" Will asked you.
"I like reading and play fútbol," you told him.
"Really? Jay loves playing soccer!"
"We played back at the big house in España," you told Will excitedly. "We won and I got lots and lots of goals."
"Looks like you have a pro soccer player on your hands, little brother," Will said to Jay.
"Don't I know it."
"We go on the big thingy you showed me in the little book in the plane?" you asked Jay.
"The Ferris wheel?" You nodded excitedly. "We can do that, but let's walk around first. We might be able to play some games and win you a friend for Osito."
"Really? Osito have a friend?"
"Really," Jay promised.
As you walked down Navy Pier, you were excitedly pointing out every little thing you saw from the ducks and the seagulls to the big yachts floating down the Chicago River.
"Let's go into Garrett's, babe," Hailey suggested when they were inside the big atrium. "Give her a taste of Chicago's world-famous popcorn."
"I think that's a great idea," Jay agreed. "What do you think, cariña? Want to try some popcorn and then we'll get your favorite?"
You tilted your head to the side. "Popcorn? What is that?"
"Palomitas," Kim clarified for you in Spanish. "Hay muchos tipos diferentes de palomitas allí para probar y comprar."
"Oh, okay. Yes, please."
"What did you say to her?" Hailey whispered to Kim.
"Just gave her the Spanish translation of popcorn and then told her that there's a bunch of different types of popcorn that she can try and buy in there. But, you and Jay most definitely have your work cut out for you when it comes to learning Spanish. You're lucky that she's pretty good with English already and that I'm here to help you learn Spanish."
***
"Sleepy, cariña?" Jay asked as he heard you yawn from the backseat.
Hailey was driving and he was holding a big bag of caramel and cheddar popcorn...which Hailey was telling him not to eat all of it because she knew he would. You were in the backseat with your big stuffed bear, whom you had named Osita since she was a girl bear because she had really soft white fur and a pink ribbon tied around her. Jay had won that for you when he played a shooting game. You also had a stuffed duck that Will had won for you when he played a guess the weight game. You named him Pato...which meant duck in Spanish. You had gone on the Ferris wheel and had pointed out all the pretty things in the sky when you were up there. Hailey had never seen Jay so happy as when he was smiling wide at every little thing you pointed out and he tried to explain to you what they were.
"No," you answered as you laid your head against Osita. It was currently 3 pm Chicago time, which made it about 9 pm Spain time.
"Tell you what," Hailey started, "When we get home, we can show you your room, and then we can watch a movie and eat this popcorn. Because, if we don't start eating it soon, Jay will eat it all."
"Jay eat it all if we no eat it too?"
"Jay eats a lot," Hailey joked.
You reached your hand in front of you and towards Jay. "Palomitas please." Jay chuckled and Hailey smiled as he put some popcorn into your little outstretched hand. "Gracias."
"De nada," Jay told you.
"When we watch movie, how I get it?" you asked.
"We get it on the tv," Jay told you.
"No, how I know what they saying?"
Hailey hadn't thought that far ahead when she had suggested watching a movie. "Um," Hailey faltered. "We can make it so it's in Spanish."
"But then you no know what they say," you pointed out.
"We can put words on the bottom of the screen in English for us," Jay suggested. "Then all three of us will know what they're saying. Is that okay?"
"Okay!"
"Hailey," Jay whispered. "What are we gonna watch?"
"She's too old for princesses probably and way too young for action movies...how about Disney Channel movies? We could try High School Musical? That one's pretty good."
"You're kidding Hails. You watched that? Didn't it come out when we were like 20 or 25?"
Hailey held back a laugh. "Yes, it did. But, I babysat a lot of kids in my neighborhood who were around Y/N's age, and we'd always end up watching those Disney Channel originals."
"Okay, whatever you say, babe."
***
"I think I'm gonna bring her to bed," Jay said.
You had fallen asleep halfway through the movie. Before starting it, you had seen your room. It was purple! And, in black letters behind your bed, it said Salon de Y/N, which meant Y/N's room. Jay assumed that Kim had helped Hailey with the spelling and the boys had helped move the furniture into your room. There was also a little basket with a few things they thought you would like, such as a few different colored soccer balls and a bookshelf.
On the bookshelf, Hailey had picked out some books in Spanish that she had found at Barnes and Noble and some short chapter books in English that she used to read as a kid, such as the Nancy Drew series and Little House on the Prairie. She knew that you might need help reading them and might not be able to completely understand them all by yourself yet, but she knew that she and Jay would be there to help you.
"It's 6:00," Hailey protested. "Shouldn't we wake her up and have her stay awake for a few more hours so that her body can adjust?"
"If you're asking an adult like me that, yes, I'd stay awake. But, she's a kid. She needs her sleep. And, I'll probably be up before you anyway, so I can deal with her if she wakes us up at five in the morning."
"Okay super dad," Hailey joked. "Bring her to bed. I'll make us a quick dinner and cover this popcorn so it doesn't get stale. Can't wait for us to go to bed tonight." She winked.
"Hails, as much as I would love to take you up on that, I don't think it's a good idea when it's Y/N's first night. But, I will give you all the cuddles in the world tonight, don't you worry about that."
"As long as you didn't pick up the habit of snoring overseas then I'm all for that, babe."
***
Jay woke up to the sound of soft whimpering. It sounded like it was coming from the hallway but he couldn't be sure. He reached over Hailey and was about to grab her gun from her drawer where he knew that she kept it, but stopped when he remembered that it was probably just you. It wasn't just Jay and Hailey in the house anymore; you were there as well and that's probably where the noise was coming from. And, he didn't want to scare you by holding a gun.
He glanced over at the clock. 3 am. Yeah, sounds about right that you'd be waking up right about now since you'd slept for about nine hours and it was 9 am in Spain right now.
Jay slowly tiptoed out into the hallway, cursing himself that he hadn't left a light on or kept his and Hailey's bedroom door open so you could find them easily.
Jay reached out for the hall light switch and flicked on the lights, causing you to jump. "Hey, hey, it's just me. It's just Jay," he said calmly once he laid eyes on you. You were holding Osito and there were fresh tears running down your cheeks.
Jay never knew the force of an eight-year-old running into him could be so strong as to almost knock him over. You dropped Osito and wrapped your arms around him as if your life depended on it.
"It's okay, it's okay," Jay soothed. "What's wrong, cariña? Can you tell me what's wrong?"
"I-I no know where I was," you mumbled into his shirt. "Was dark. Think you and Hailey left, so I came to find you."
"Oh, sweetie," Jay started. "I'm sorry. I forgot to turn the light on for you in your room so that you'd know where you are. And, me and Hailey would never leave you."
"You promise?"
"I promise." Your stomach grumbled. "Hungry?" you nodded. "Alright, let's get you a sandwich and then get you back to bed."
"You eat too?" you asked.
"You know, I could go for a sandwich."
***
The next morning, Hailey rolled over to see that Jay wasn't in bed next to her and his side of the bed was cold. Then, she remembered you and walked over to your room and slowly opened the door. You looked up from the Spanish book you were reading and put a finger to your lips.
"Jay sleeping," you told Hailey.
Jay was sitting upright in your bed against the headboard, his thumb holding a place in what looked to be a Nancy Drew book.
"Did Jay read to you last night, huh?" Hailey asked as she walked closer to you and Jay.
"Yeah, he told me that Nancy does what you and Jay do with policia. Then, I sleep again and then I wake up and he sleep again, so I started reading in Spanish."
"I think we should let him sleep a little more while we go finish High School Musical and eat palomitas before Jay eats it all. Does that sound good?"
You nodded eagerly and closed your book. Then, you got out of bed and followed Hailey out of your room. And, after hearing that Jay had read to you and seeing him sleeping upright in your bed so that you'd be able to sleep, she had one more reason why she was truly head over heels for the man she married and got to call her husband.
"Look, Jay. She wrote her birthday in here for age 9," Hailey said as she pointed to the laptop screen.
"God, I don't think I'll forget that day for the rest of my life. It was such a good day."
"You are such a sap when it comes to Y/N."
"Hey! let me be sappy about our daughter, Hailey Anne. She's in high school now, high school. That means she'll be going off to college soon."
"Don't get too far ahead of yourself, sergeant," she joked. "Just keep reading this. It was your idea to snoop through her stuff after all."
"Jay, you got the stuff?" Hailey asked as she was sitting cross-legged on their bedroom floor with wrapping paper, tape, and scissors in front of her.
"Jesus, Hails," Jay laughed, "You make it sound like we're doing a drug deal."
"Well sorry if I want her birthday to go really well. Now, did you get them or not?"
"They're in here." He set a plastic bag down on the bed. He took out three framed pictures and laid them out on the bed. Of course, he made sure that the frames were different shades of purple. "Good?"
Hailey stood up and looked at the pictures. "I never know the CPD's sketch software could work miracles like this, so yeah, I'd say we did good."
Over the past month, everyone in Intelligence had told you that they were testing out a new sketch software to use to try to track down criminals. They let you play with it because they said they wanted to see what it would do...even though they knew what it did, how good it was, and it wasn't new. It was just a ploy to make sure they got your birthday gift right. They had told you to try and input someone's face from memory, someone like your older sister, Illiana.
So, when you had to go to the district for the day with Jay and Hailey, you'd ask to play with that software to work on your sketch. Little did you know, they were printing it out on fancy photo paper and putting it in a frame for your birthday. Jay had also swiped your necklace one day when you had taken it off to go swimming and had taken pictures of what your mom and dad looked like. Then, he and Hailey each took one parent and worked on making their faces through the CPD's sketch software.
"Now what the hell is this?" Jay asked as he held up a big board that Hailey had laying out in front of her as well.
"That, Jay, is so we can stick the back of the frames to it so that we don't have to give the three of them to her separately. Then, she can just take them off from it and place them wherever she wants in her room."
"You're smart. Maybe you should've gone to law school."
"Haha, very funny, Halstead. But then I wouldn't have met you."
"Eh, I beg to differ. You'd probably end up being some prosecution or defense attorney and then I'd have to testify, and after getting yelled at by you on the stand, I'd end up making an ass of myself and ask you out for a drink."
"Is that so?"
"That is very much so."
He walked up to her and grabbed her by the waist and she gave him a peck on the lips. "Hails," Jay whined. "Why'd you phone it in?"
"Because we have presents to wrap. Now, sit your ass down on the carpet and help me."
"Yes ma'am. But, damn, you're really going to be the death of me."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
***
"Before we do cake everyone, me and Hailey have one more gift for Y/N," Jay announced by tapping a fork gently against his champagne glass. Yes, the adults were drinking champagne because they were celebrating your first birthday with them as their kid. No, they wouldn't even give you one sip...but you didn't care and you didn't ask.
You had gotten spoiled all day. Will had taken you out for breakfast where you had gotten chocolate chip pancakes with all the toppings. Then, he took you to the sporting goods store where you bought an FC Madrid jersey and to Barnes Noble where you bought a few new books.
Then, when you got home, you were surprised to find everyone from Intelligence there along with some people from Med, and firehouse 51. Emilia, Mouse, and Makayla were there, and your friend, Rosa, whom Emilia had introduced you to earlier in the year at her welcome home party since Rosa was one of Emilia's little cousins.
You had gone outside and played a huge soccer game. And, when you got sick of playing soccer, Emilia busted out a makeup kit she had bought for you. And you, Makayla, Emilia, and Rosa did each other's makeup. While the four of you were doing makeup, a soccer tournament had broken out where Intelligence played Med, and then the winner of that game played Firehouse 51. Intelligence won against Med...mostly due to Jay. But, then they played 51 and they got creamed.
"Here you go, nena," Hailey said as she passed you the gift. Hailey had started calling you nena since Jay had a nickname for you, cariña, which you learned now meant sweetheart in English. So, she decided to call you nena, which meant honey. And, you and Hailey had thought it only fair if you came up with a nickname for Jay. So, the one you decided on was quite fitting in your mind: pecas...which translated to freckles. And, Will, well Will calls you Osa because your favorite animal is a bear. It's probably one of only three words he knows in Spanish next to hola and adios.
The gift was long and hard...like a piece of wood. You slowly opened the gift, wondering what else you could have possibly gotten.
You bit your lip as you finished tearing the paper off and flipped it over. "Mamí, Papí, Illiana," you whispered as you held back tears. "¿Cómo lo hicisteis?" you asked. Seeing as Jay and Hailey had been working very hard on their Spanish for the past nine months, they could understand you and could sometimes explain an English word to you in Spanish if needed.
"We didn't really need to test out the drawing thing," Jay answered. "We just needed a picture of Illiana. And, I got the pictures of your parents from the locket."
At this, you started to cry harder, remembering that day when Jay had to cut your necklace off of you in the back of the Med truck in Spain.
You stood up and hugged both Jay and Hailey at the same time. Now, you had both of your families watching over you: your biological family from in heaven and your parents in the here and now. And, your biological family now had no doubt in their mind up there that you would never, ever forget them.
"You remember what she called us that night?" Hailey asked.
"How could I forget? It was the first night she called us mom and dad. I still remember her exact words when I told her we weren't trying to replace her biological family: Son mi familia en el cielo y en mi corazon, pero vosotros sois mi familia aquí."
"They're my family in heaven and in my heart, but you are my family here."
"Exactly."
"Oh my God!" Hailey laughed. "She wrote sixth-grade: I cheated on a literature test and Mom had to come to pick me up and I got in trouble. And then, Dad went full-on dad-mode."
"No fucking way," Jay laughed as he brought the laptop closer to him and looked for the sixth-grade section. "I can't believe this is what she's going to write about!"
"Well, in her defense, it was the first time we had to ground her and the first time you went full-on, overprotective, my daughter can do no wrong dad-mode."
"Pretty sure the next time I'll do that is when she gets asked to the homecoming dance later this year."
"Jay! You will not! You will not scare the boys away from our daughter!"
"Well, they should be scared!" Jay argued. "We're both cops, babe. We can make their death look like an accident."
"Jay, what you're talking about is murder and I shouldn't have to remind you that that is illegal. If so, I am going to the Ivory Tower tomorrow to get you stripped of your sergeant title."
"Fine, fine. The next time I'll do that is when she gets her driver's license."
"Hey, on the bright side, we wouldn't have to pick her up from the principal's office then," Hailey pointed out. "She could just drive herself home."
"We wouldn't have to figure out which of us should go pick her up like last time?"
"Exactly. And I'm pretty sure she was thankful that it was you and not me who picked her up in sixth grade."
"Miss Halstead," your literature teacher said as she stalked over to you from the other side of the classroom. "Care to tell me what you have under your sleeve?"
"My arm?"
"I don't like being disrespected in my classroom. We both know you have your phone in there. And, lying to me will just make this worse."
"I-I needed it," you stammered, not wanting to have the whole class hear how stupid you were.
"For a test? You know the rules: no cheating. Principal's office, now. Grab your stuff. And, I'll be calling your parents as you walk down there."
You grabbed your backpack and started your walk to the principal's office. It's not like you had a choice...well, you did have a choice. You could've just not used your phone on the test. But, after that last grade you got on that essay and how weirdly worded the questions were, you basically had no choice but to use your phone. It's not like you were using it to look up the answers per se, but you were using it to try and understand the questions because there was no way you were going to ask that teacher.
"Mrs. Halstead, right this way," you heard the office secretary say as they led Hailey to the principal's office. Your phone was sitting on the principal's desk, the tab you had been using to cheat open and you were fiddling with the strings of your hoodie. You had thought about deleting your search history, but knew it wouldn't be of any use because Jay and Hailey would just be able to look it up with whatever police software crap that Intelligence had access to. You knew you'd be in more trouble if you deleted it and they found out that you were lying, so you decided you wouldn't delete it...even though you were regretting that decision as your phone screen stared back at you.
"May I ask why my daughter is in the principal's office when I thought she should be taking a test?" Jay and Hailey knew all about your literature test that day as you had read the book twice to be ready for it.
"That's exactly why she's in here, Mrs. Halstead," the principal told Hailey. "She was trying to cheat on her literature test."
"She wouldn't do that!" Hailey defended you. "She studied so hard!" She looked between both you and the principal, but your gaze stayed trained on the floor.
"Just take a look."
He passed Hailey your phone and she looked at the search history and the timestamps of said history. "Y/N, is this true?"
You nodded. Hailey sighed. "I'm assuming she's suspended?"
"Since this is her first academic infraction, I'm not going to suspend her. She does need to go home for the rest of the school day, though."
"Thank you. C'mon Y/N, let's go."
You hung your head as you left the middle school, Hailey holding your phone and still trying to figure out why you did this. But she knew that one thing was for sure: the minute Jay got home, he would not be happy.
***
"You're kidding me, right?" you heard Jay ask Hailey in the kitchen.
You were currently in your room, but the kitchen was right down the hall, so if you were quiet and focused enough, you could hear their conversation.
"I wish I was, Jay," Hailey said. "Just...here, take a look."
You assumed that Hailey was handing Jay the phone and he was looking at your search history.
Jay took a deep breath and restrained himself from shoving the chair into the kitchen table.
You heard his heavy footsteps coming down the hall and quickly locked your door and then sat back down on your bed.
You heard the doorknob jiggle as Jay tried to open your door.
"Y/N! ¡Abras la puerta inmediatamente!" (Open the door immediately!)
You were in deep shit if he was yelling at you in Spanish.
You didn't move from your bed.
"¡Ábrelo ahora!" (Open it now!)
"¡Estoy viniendo! ¡Calmáse!" (I'm coming! Calm yourself!) You got up from the bed and opened the door.
"Do not ever, ever tell me to calm down ever again! Do you understand me?" Jay asked angrily as he flung open your door after he had unlocked it. You nodded. "Now, I understand that you were caught cheating on a test. Care to explain that to me?"
"Not really," you sighed as you sat on your bed.
"I'm giving you one more chance to explain to me why you chose to cheat. And I suggest you tell me the truth, kid."
You looked up to be met with Hailey standing in the doorway. She nodded to you as if to say you better listen to your dad.
"Well?" he asked as he crossed his arms across his chest.
"I needed to cheat!"
"Nobody needs to cheat!"
"Well, I did!" You dug through your backpack and found the paper you had to write for the class that your teacher failed you on. "Because of this!" You threw the paper on your bed. "And because my teacher is a puta!"
"You do not call your teacher a bitch, young lady!" Jay yelled.
"Jay!" Hailey yelled. "Take the paper, go to our room and read it and calm down!"
"So Mom can tell you to calm down but I can't?"
Jay turned back to you, but Hailey grabbed his arm. "Bedroom Jay. Now." He left the room and Hailey turned to you. "As for you. You're grounded from your phone for the foreseeable future. Sorry, nena. Now, we'll be back to talk to you after we've read whatever it is you threw on your bed."
***
"We read the paper," Jay said as he and Hailey entered your room again fifteen minutes later. "And, I'm sorry for yelling. I know me and your mom are both detectives, but it'd look better if you told us why you cheated instead of leaving us to put the pieces together."
"I'm sorry, I really am. It's just, I failed that paper. And, I worked really hard on it. And, she said it wasn't a real tradition."
The paper topic was to write about a family tradition and you wrote about the Spanish tradition of eating grapes on New Year's Eve. With twelve seconds left of the year, you'd put a grape in your mouth for every second that passed. You'd try to get all twelve grapes in your mouth, but that was really hard. You wrote about the last time you did it with your family and your papí almost got all of them in your mouth while you only got three in your mouth since you were only three years old at the time.
One of the grading criteria for the paper was that it had to be a real tradition.
"She said that it wasn't a real tradition, Dad. She said that because she had never heard of it and that it sounded weird to her, that it wasn't real. So, she failed me. I also put some Spanish words in there, but I put the translations next to it. I thought it would make it more...what's the word? It's kind of like real? Like it'd make it more real to read? You know that word for it?"
"Authentic?" Hailey asked.
"Yeah, that. I thought it'd make it more authentic to read. And, I knew the material of the book. But, the questions were so confusing and I didn't want to ask her to clarify because she's mean."
"So you googled the questions to try to figure out what they were asking?" Hailey asked.
"Yes. I'm sorry. I really am. I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me and think that I've been here for four years and not know English."
"Oh, cariña." Jay crouched in front of you. "We'd never think that. I promise. And I know Mom would never think that either, right?"
"That's right," Hailey agreed.
"Now, I have to go make a phone call."
"You went off on that teacher, Jay! I don't think I've ever heard you that angry when you weren't in interrogation!" Hailey laughed.
"Well yeah! That teacher's logic and grading criteria were seriously flawed. And, you read that paper. It was really good. As Y/N put it that day, she really was a puta."
Hailey rolled her eyes.
"Wish for the future," Jay read aloud. "I wish that I could figure out why Los Rebeldes came to the orphanage and killed Illiana."
"I think that's enough snooping through her stuff for the day, babe," Hailey said, beginning to feel uncomfortable reading this. "Let's just go to bed."
"Yeah, I'm just gonna take a quick shower and I'll be back, okay? I love you." He gave Hailey a quick peck on the lips and made his way to the bathroom to take a shower.
"I love you, too."
But, Jay barely heard her. He was so lost in thought about how to get answers for you, for his daughter. Hell, he wanted those answers just as bad as you. What kind of sick bastard would come into an orphanage heavily armed and just kill innocent civilians and innocent children?
***
"Mouse," Jay said as he entered the bullpen the next morning, "I need your help with something."
"Jeez, Jay, you're late," Ruzek commented. "Where's Hailey?"
"It's her RDO. And, I promised Y/N a frappuccino because she had to wake up early for school and had to go to bed late last night because we were working a case."
"Does Hailey--"
"No, Adam. Hailey does not know that I gave our fourteen-year-old daughter sugar-laced coffee this morning. And, if you so much as say the words frappuccino, Jay, and Y/N in the same sentence, I will bump you back down to patrol so fast you won't know what hit you."
Jay started to walk towards the tech area where he assumed Mouse would be. His voice carried, so he hoped he'd heard him when he'd said he needed his help.
"Whose idea was it to give Jay all this power?" Adam asked rhetorically. "I think it's going to his head."
"I heard that Ruz!"
"You needed something, Jay?" Mouse asked as he turned around from his laptop and took a sip of his coffee.
"Yeah, can you do something off the books for me?"
"You don't even have to ask anymore, man."
"Just need to make sure you don't assign a case number to it."
"I can do that. Now, what do you need?"
Jay pulled out his phone and pulled up a Spanish newspaper article from two weeks ago. He laid the phone in front of Mouse. "This. This is why I need you."
Mouse looked at the phone and back up at Jay with raised eyebrows. "I'm gonna need you to translate that. I don't speak Spanish."
"Says that the guy who killed everyone in the orphanage that Y/N was in is meeting with his lawyer about an appeal. That son of a bitch. And, it's happening on Monday."
"He's meeting with his lawyer on Monday or you'll know if he won the appeal or not on Monday?" Mouse asked.
"He's meeting with his lawyer on Monday."
"And you need me because...?"
"Think you can hack into Spain's maximum-security federal prison system?"
"You cannot be serious."
"I am dead serious, Mouse."
"Why don't you just wait to hear the news?"
Jay sighed and took a seat next to Mouse. "Y/N has to write a paper and was using my laptop. It was this narrative thing for her senior project, so it's due in a few years. But, I'll spare you the details. Y/N had to write what one of her wishes for the future was and she wrote that she wants to know why the guy killed everyone in the orphanage. Not who, because we already know that it was Raúl Rodríguez. She wants to know why."
"That guy's the one who told them to attack the orphanage? The one that killed her sister, right?"
"That's the prick."
"Okay, I'll see what I can do. I'd know that if it was my sister or my kid that I'd want to know."
"Thanks, man."
"Video and audio?"
"Yeah. I'm probably gonna get Emilia in on this too to translate."
"Why? Don't you and Hailey speak Spanish?"
"We do, but they're gonna talk really fast and I probably don't know law lingo except for the word lawyer."
"Fair enough. I'll get to work."
***
"Hails, Hails," Jay shook Hailey awake.
"Jay? Why are you home so late?" she asked as she rolled over and opened her eyes. It was almost 11:30 and she had gone to bed half an hour ago...she thought Jay would've been home by 11:00.
"Paperwork," Jay answered honestly. He instantly regretted his decision of waking Hailey up knowing her history of insomnia. "But, I shouldn't have woke you up. I'm sorry, babe."
"No, I'm awake now. What's up?" She sat up in bed and turned on the lamp to see Jay changing out of his clothes and into his pajama pants and an old t-shirt. "You don't have to sleep with a shirt on you know."
Jay smirked. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? But, don't want our daughter to walk in on me shirtless."
"She's spending the night at Rosa's," Hailey informed him.
"In that case..." Jay trailed off and took off his t-shirt along with his pajama pants so that he was just in his boxers. "Better?"
"Much better."
Jay pulled back the covers on his side of the bed and slid in next to his wife. She cuddled into his side and he wrapped an arm around her.
"What'd you want to tell me?" she asked.
"How do you know I wanted to tell you something?"
"You had that look in your eye, Jay Halstead. Now, tell me."
"So persuasive." He rolled his eyes playfully.
"Shut up."
"You love it, though." He gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "You know how Y/N's biggest wish was to know why Raúl Rodríguez attacked the orphanage?"
"Mhmm," she mumbled.
"Well, I'm gonna find out why."
She pulled away from him. "What? How? You're going to Spain? To interrogate him? You know the CPD doesn't have jurisdiction there even though you were a ranger there, right?"
"Hails, I'm not going overseas to find him. I promise you that."
"Okay." She settled back into his embrace. "Then what are you doing?"
"Having Mouse see if he can hack into the prison system so that I can watch the lawyer talk to him."
"And you're going to be able to understand everything they're saying?"
"No, but Emilia will."
"You called her and told her your plan before you told me?"
"No! The only person who knows is Mouse. I figured I'd call Emilia tomorrow. Like I said, I was just at the district late doing paperwork."
"Okay, I believe you. And, we're not going to have her in the room with us, Y/N that is? We're going to tell her why he did this so she doesn't have to hear it from him?"
"Precisely. Now, am I right in assuming that since Y/N's gone for the night that we can be as loud as we want?"
"You are very much correct in that." Then, he gave her a kiss...and this time, he didn't phone it in at a peck.
***
You were sitting in the breakroom Monday afternoon trying to do some American history homework. There was so much reading involved, but it was okay because you liked history. And, there were pictures in the textbook...it wasn't like you were reading Romeo and Juliet like you had to do in English class.
You knew Emilia was here because she had brought you some fries, much to your mom and dad's dismay since your mom had packed you a few extra snacks. But, Emilia said she had to hold up her reputation as your cool aunt...even if she wasn't related to you whatsoever. And so far, she was holding it up.
You didn't know why she was here, but you assumed it was because Kim was in the field and they needed someone to translate audio. Sometimes Jay would call in Emilia if he knew that she wasn't working to do some translating so he didn't have to deal with calling up a patrolman. You also knew from hearing some of his conversations with Will that Will wanted to ask her out.
And, you hoped she say yes. You wanted Emilia to be your actual aunt. Apparently, she had a thing for doctors according to Jay's side of the phone conversations you'd heard, so you hoped it'd work out if your uncle Will ever got the balls to ask her out.
All of a sudden, Emilia came into Jay's office and he took off running. Hailey saw this and she started following them.
"What?" you asked yourself.
They always would tell you if they had to leave and they'd always be sure to tell you they loved you before they left.
You quietly walked out of the breakroom and towards where you had seen them running to. You assumed they were in the tech area because of the direction they ran in and the fact that whenever Emilia was here, she was most likely in the tech room.
As you got closer, you started hearing Spanish.
Someone talking about an attack...an attack on an orphanage.
A man said it was in the Tabernas Desert.
You peeked your head around the corner to see that on the screen there was a man in a nice suit and someone sitting at a table with handcuffs on.
"Anything we don't already know?" Hailey asked.
"Not that it sounds like right now," Emilia answered. "They're just talking about the orphanage Y/N and Illiana were in and where it was."
So this is the guy who did it. This was the guy--no, the monster--who led the attack that killed your sister.
"The lawyer just asked Rodríguez why he did it," Emilia said.
"And?" Jay asked
"Jay, I need to be able to hear them talk, so shut up."
Jay held his hands up in a sign of surrender.
"The lawyer just asked if it was something personal, something like Rodríguez being an orphan and he didn't have a good experience there so he attacked it, something that would tug at the board of appeals heartstrings essentially." There was a pause as Emilia continued listening. "He said no." She paused again. "Oh my God."
"What?" Jay asked frantically. "Why did that prick kill innocent children?"
"He said he ordered the attack because the orphanage was receiving aid from the US, for things such as food, clothing, and basic necessities."
"Un-fucking-believable." Jay wanted to punch something, but he restrained himself. "So, because our country was helping those who couldn't help themselves, this prick went after them?"
"That's what it sounds like. I'm sorry, Jay."
"Hails, how are we going to tell Y/N?"
"You guys don't have to tell me," you said as you made your presence known. "I heard the whole thing."
Jay sighed. "I'm sorry cariña, really I am. I'm sorry that this happened to you. That you had to find out this way. That this was the reason for what that monster did. I'm sorry."
"Dad read my outline?" you asked, turning to Hailey.
"Yeah, nena, he did. It was just open and you know him, he couldn't stop himself."
"Because he's a detective before he's a sergeant, just like Nancy Drew," you said, bringing it back to the books you'd used to read with your dad every night when you had just come over to the states from Spain and were working on your English.
"This should never have happened," Jay said softly as he walked over to you and brought you into a tight hug. "People that do these kinds of horrific acts shouldn't have the right to be born, much less to live."
"But if that wouldn't have happened you wouldn't have found me. And I wouldn't have found my forever Mom and Dad."
A/N: I wrote over 6.5k words to get this posted today! That's a new personal record for me! Also, my neuroscience class is kicking my butt right now, so if I don't update as frequently, that's why. Hopefully, I'll get one out every week or every two weeks at the latest. Please like/reblog and comment because I love getting feedback and it keeps me motivated to write. If you want to be added to the taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you! 
taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e 
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hoe-for-link · 2 years
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This is my references for writing the LU boys. Its a HUGE list of HC’s and just general stuff. I figured I would post it incase it helped any of you! disclaimer: 
THIS IS NOT HATE TOWARDS ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!!!!!! THESE ARE ONLY REFERENCES FOR MYSELF WHEN I’M WRITING THESE CHARACTERS!!!!!!!! So please don’t think I hate anyone, I don’t!!!!! 
that being said, enjoy over 6000 words of HC’s and stuff!!! I will probably come back and update this when it isn’t like the middle of the night.
Sky: 
Have played game.
Overall background info:
The only things I would change about his background as a character would be his relationship with religion. The Goddess he dedicated his life to used him as a plaything to put it bluntly. I feel like once his adventure was said and done, Zelda and Sky would have a pretty rocky relationship. She feels like 2 different people in the same body and Sky feels used by one side of her. Before the events of LU they have worked through their issues and have a very kind and loving relationship. They don’t start dating until after LU though. Another thing I would change is the ending with Demise. Instead of killing him and leaving the world without a new God, Sky is forced to take his place. Its a cruel game, the balance of Gods must stay the same and when one is killed or destroyed, another must take it’s place. Sky becomes the new God and that puts even more distance between him and Zelda, it is also how he knows the curse is real. He can feel the curse running through his blood. I think after LU is over, Sky would try everything to save the others from the curse but never succeeds. I don’t think he gets a happy ending as many don’t.
Personality overview:
He is a natural introvert, he doesn’t like a ton of people around him. He only discovered that about himself when he visited another Link’s Castle Town. Skyloft is small and the people there are few, he is unused to crowds of more than 5. He has a kind heart but it has never prevented him from anything. He play off of others personalities more, he won’t be the person to start conversations. He enjoys silence as all the Links do. He gets frustrated surprisingly easy, but manages to work through it more times than not. He doesn’t get angry unless provoked. 
Special traits:
He is the original Hero, he is where the others draw their courage from. Yes, there was a ‘hero’ before him, however his actions don’t seem to affect events at all and I don’t really like him anyway. Sky is the true holder of Courage, he didn’t have stories to guide him, he didn’t have anyone providing advice or comfort; he had a sword spirit that was single minded. He truly journeyed across the Surface in search of a friend, wanting to save her life, before he was wrapped up into saving everyone. He stood before a God of pure hatred and didn’t falter. He won a duel against that God. He returned to Skyloft where everyone knew nothing of his triumphs and didn’t brag or boast, simply telling them of the Surface and the opportunities awaiting them. Those traits carry over into the LU adventure, he doesn’t speak of his adventure because he wishes to not be remembered as the Hero. 
Hardest experience:
I would say the hardest experience in Sky’s adventure was the spirit realms. No one, not even Fi, knows the entirety of what happened during those times. He refuses to talk about it, he still remembers how he could feel his spirit be torn from his body, he still feels the claws digging into his neck and drawing spirit essence, he still feels the damage done to his spirit. He doesn’t wish to burden others about his injured soul.
Things I don’t like:
I don’t have anything I really dislike about Sky tbh. The closest thing I can think of is when people use his kind heart against him. He does have a kind heart but he isn’t a crybaby. He knows when to step up, he knows how to keep that part of himself underwraps. I honestly can’t really see him crying at almost anything, he knows how to handle his emotions well (lucky him cause i sure as hell don't)
Bad traits:
I think people often portray his breathing troubles in the wrong way. Looking at this logically, Sky has naturally huge lungs to be able to live in the sky. The reason is so that he can take in as much oxygen as he needs to survive. So once he descends to the surface, he feels invincible for the first couple days. That is because he has SO much extra oxygen in his blood and he is able to run farther and do more things than usual. This legitimately is a thing, I live at a pretty high altitude (about 7000ft above sea level roughly) and whenever I go to a significantly lower altitude (4000ft) I am taking in extra oxygen which helps me increase my stamina. The problem would come once it becomes TOO much oxygen for Sky’s body to handle. The group is traveling a lot and I’d assume they are changing altitudes fairly often. I think changing oxygen levels that much would be a little too much for Sky’s body to handle, which is where his breathing starts to slow down. His body is trying to limit the excessive oxygen in his blood so it won’t overwhelm Sky. THATS why I don’t understand why his breathing would increase, why many others have him trying to take in more air, almost like an asthma attack. KEEP IN MIND I am N O T a medical person, this is ENTIRELY based on my own experiences. I do believe he has breathing issues that have to do more with altitude changing than anything else. 
Other info:
I also really enjoy the idea of Ghiraham being Sky’s second sword. Its super cool! It works pretty well with my version of Sky being a God too after all he technically took Demises spot which would mean that Ghiraham is his sword. Although I also think it would be really cool if Sword Spirits could change their appearance depending on their Master. Fi wouldn’t change forms through any timeline as her Master has always been Sky’s Spirit which has been reincarnated (Well the whole thing with Wind would be kinda complicated but whatever). I feel like Ghiraham would turn into a small dagger that Sky would carry in his waist wrap, hidden by his sail cloth. I don’t know that could be a kinda cool spinoff or something.
Four:
Have not played either games
Overall background info:
I haven’t played Minish Cap or Four Swords so I don’t have a lot of background info to work with. I guess my main change would be that Shadow is in fact alive and that he, Four and Dot are super good friends who gossip to each other all the time. I also tend to age him up in my head so he would probably be around 17-19 in my stories. I also really enjoy the idea of each of the Heroes after him to be able to see the Minish because of his soul keeping that childish part when reincarnated. So basically all the Heros except Sky would be able to see them.
Personality overview:
He is probably the most quiet of all the Links, he enjoys spending time within himself and recharging that way. He is considered one of the more responsible Links because of his ability to look at a situation from many different angles. He considers himself to be pretty much average in everyway. He doesn’t get angry even when provoked, instead he considers his options and mostly just keeps to himself. The off chance he does fireback, it leaves sweltering wounds left from his words. He isn’t an introvert shockingly, he is an ambivert. He doesn’t mind being in crowds of people or by himself, he indulges in conversations when asked and doesn’t feel the draining effect of being social like an introvert does. 
Special traits:
Well let's get this out of the way. The Colors. I am the most guilty when it comes to this but I feel like maybe having them as sections in his head wouldn’t really work too great. My new theory is when the Four Sword split them, it split them EQUAL. They are just a divided person to be frank. They came to the conclusion that in order to function, they have to give and take. Each Color cannot overwhelm the bond, Blue has to be more understanding and Green cannot be so self sacrificing. By the time LU happens, Four has worked out all the issues in being together. He is one person with strong emotions. The bond is seamless except when one Color feels a little too strongly. If that is the case, Four will talk to that Color face to face and discover the problem. Example, if Vio was feeling irritated Four would release him and they would talk it out. NOT ALL FOUR OF THE COLORS COME OUT TO DISCUSS. If it is an issue between Colors, They discuss it; they have that understanding. Basically Four has access to figuring out why he is feeling one emotion too powerful, he can talk with that emotion face to face and resolve the problem. Its a bit tricky to navigate but I never really enjoyed the theory that the Colors occupy the body. It makes it feel like Four is only a puppet in the Color’s actions. Four is his own person, his own soul. He simply has the ability to view a specific part of his soul in more detail.
Hardest Experience: 
Again, I haven’t played the games so I don’t really know what happens during them. I’ve picked up enough context to figure out that Shadow dies during Four Swords Adventure though and so I’d probably peg that down for the hardest experience for him.
Things I don’t like:
I’m really starting to not enjoy the idea of Four being a puppet with four souls inside. It makes it feel like there is meant to be five souls in the body at least for me. Its a confusing road to travel with the colors. They are very difficult to use without making Four himself seem like a puppet. It also makes Four seem like an entirely different person than the Colors even though they are the SAME soul. I don’t know how else to explain it besides that.
Bad traits:
I imagine Four being really bad at communicating with others. He has learned to communicate with his Soul without needing words most times, but he lacks that same connection with others. He has a hard time being around others simply because he doesn’t know how they work, what they are like. It makes it very difficult to trust the other Links.
Other info:
Four’s shield is eventually passed down through generations to Wind's family. It is the shield Wind uses in WW until he gains the mirror shield. I guess that also means they are related somehow? Idk I just like the shield being recognized by Wind. I also hardcore believe that he is the fictional version of Celtic fyi
Time: 
Have played both games. MM is my absolute favorite game in the series.
Overall background info:
I actually don’t really enjoy Time, not because of anything to do with his character, but rather my experience playing OoT. I had a very rough time with that game and have only played it once, I probably won’t play it again. I would change the fact that he is a Hylian. There is not way that boy is fully Hylian. I refuse to believe it. I remember reading a story where he was part Kokiri (Ill link it if I find it) and I adored it!!! So let it be known that I did NOT come up with this HC. I adore the idea that he is part Kokiri and part Hylian. He has the ability to age. He has the ability to leave and re-enter the forest. He knows the Lost Woods like the back of his hand. However, because he is part Kokiri he cannot go long periods of time without the sun. He only has to eat a couple times a week, he uses the Sun as a food source as well. He is also very intune with fairies and their magic, he is able to tell where a fairy fountain is without ever being there before.
Personality overview: 
He is very strong willed. He knows what he wants and how to get it. He has learned throughout his years to speak his mind. He is firm and strong. He knows when to push and when to let things go. Some may think him to be overbearing and confident, that’s not the case. He is only confident in his own power and skills. He does have quite the playful side to him, loves to have fun with those close to him. He cares a lot about his companions and does everything he can to protect them. He has a soft spot for the younger ones in the group, often buying them sweets from the towns they visit. Many call him a solid presence, always there when needed. He is an introvert, however he adores being in company he knows well such as friends and his wife.
Special traits:
I love the fact that he has the Fierce Deity mask, I think its very interesting. I do believe it was Sky who was forced to imprison FD within the mask after LU is over. I think the reason was he was a new Deity and running rampant, Sky was forced to imprison him to keep the balance of things. He was then passed through many hands before ending up in a land called Termina, a land made for Gods to play with, where Time found and took him. I hate the idea that Time and FD don’t like each other, I think that FD’s time in the mask humbled him and he and Time came to an understanding. Time can only use him for periods of time because of how immense FD’s powers are.
Hardest Experience: 
I don’t need to go into detail about this but I think changing ages so rapidly affected him more than I’ll ever be able to understand.
Things I don’t like:
Oh boy, strap in bitches. I FUCKING HATE HOW PEOPLE MAKE TIME HATE TERMINA!! I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT AT ALL!!!!! It’s my favorite game of all time, the balance of sorrow and sweet is what makes it incredible for me. Contrary to popular beliefs, MM was NOT all about sorrow. Termina was a land created by Gods as a playground of sorts that plays with the visitors memories and experiences. That is why everyone looks familiar to Time, they are simply wearing familiar faces. They have their own personalities and experiences. Time grew to love that land, loved the stability of the schedules, loved talking with the residents of Clocktown and beyond. It helped him recover from the trauma of the unknown, he always knew what to expect. This is where he truly learned the importance of a schedule. He learned so much during his time there, learned how to mend relations with other, learned how to stand up for himself, learned how to live again. He cherishes all of his masks from Termina, each having a special story. I like to think the very last cycle, he chose to complete Anju’s quest for her lost love. He chose to do that so Anju and Kafei would have a happy ending once Majora was defeated. After all, logistically speaking the townspeople would remember everything about the last cycle as Time wouldn’t have reset anything. Once the Moon was returned to the sky, he was invited to come celebrate with Anju and Kafei as a thank you for helping them. After that, he returns to the music box house and saves the girls father as he is know the only one to know the Song of Healing or so he thought*. I also think that by removing FD from Termina, it breaks the vicious cycle the Gods had forced them into. 
*I have a theory that the song of healing was a lullaby made for the Music Box girl by her mother. I think it ended up in the Happy Mask Salesman’s hands was because he is that girls Uncle. So basically Link saves the girls father by reminding him that his daughter is still there using the lullaby. Lemme know if you guys want my more in depth theory about it.
Bad traits:
Time tends to reminisce about that past too often. He forgets that he cannot go back and fix everything as it would only open more problems. He is caught staring off into nothingness more often than not. His biggest downfall is his sorrow and regrets. After All thats what keeps his spirit there to help Twi.
Other info:
Time doesn’t get a happy ending, everyone knows that. I think that Twilight recognizes his armour and knows what happens to Time but will never tell him. 
Twilight:
Played through the game until Master Sword, it was too boring to finish.
Overall background info:
I can’t honestly go on without stating that THIS is my L E A S T liked character of all. I don’t like Twilight at all. He is SOOOOOOO boring!!!!! I didn’t even finish the game because it was so fucking boring!!! I don’t like him!!!! (I also hate Midna with a passion, I really don’t like anyone in that game) That being said, we may now continue. I think his background is fine, can’t think of anything I would change.
Personality Overview:
Very similar to Time in a way, Twilight is very strong willed. He cares about things and isn’t afraid to say it. He is brash and ignorant sometimes due to that fact. He doesn’t like to see others side of the story and often makes quick judgements based on little facts. He doesn’t like disagreeing with people except when he is really passionate about it. He reminds Time of his own teenage self. Twilight doesn’t deal with crowds well, coming from a small village. He much prefers to spend time with Epona or by himself.
Special Traits:
Here we go, something a little fun. I don’t like how his Twili form is only one animal. If we look at other sort of mystical beast from the game, they tend to be a mix of animals. So I think that he wouldn’t just be a wolf, he would also be a Doe. His concept would pretty much stay the same, just a Wolf with Doe spots and tiny little antlers. I find that those two animals would compliment him the most, both don’t like humans and blend in nicely to the forests. Think of it almost like the Doe is Twilights inner heart where his deepest desires lay, and the Wolf is the protector of that.
Hardest Experience:
Idk honestly, I didn’t play through to the end but I would probably say leaving everything he knows behind to pursue fate.
Things I don’t like:
Basically everything about Twilight tbh. He is boring, his game was boring, his personality is boring. I just don’t understand why people like him all that much? Like cool, he can turn into a wolf but like, thats it!! Thats his only thing. He is just so fucking boring to me, I honestly zone out when anything has to do with him because its so boring.
Bad Traits:
Again, he is FUCKING BORING!!!!!! I cannot be bothered to read a fic that builds him to be a better character because I will get bored before anything good happens. Honestly I feel like not much would change without Twilight there, he seems kinda like a filler character rather than a main character.
Other info:
Not really anything I can think of.
Legend:
Have played Link’s Awakening. Haven’t played any others.
Overview background info:
I don’t really care too much for the Legend and Fable being siblings. I do like them being related somehow, but definitely not siblings. I think it would be more like second cousins, just related to the point where he is mentioned in the Royal archives but not by name. Neither Fable or Legend knows about this though. I feel like them being siblings puts way too much emphasis on their relationship together when most real siblings aren’t close at all. I feel like it would force them into a relationship simply for the public eye but it would destroy their friendship behind doors.
Personality overview:
He is N O T bitter. He is N O T angry. He is sassy, he is playful, he is sarcastic, he holds grudges, he is overdramatic, but he cares. I HATE how people portray him as bitter to the world, I have seen little to zero evidence on that fact. He is just a sarcastic dude who loves to travel. He likes sharing fun stories about his adventures. He likes being able to make people laugh. He loves having a pseudo family, he just don’t say it out loud. He also loves sharing skills with the other Links. He doesn’t know if the others will have more adventures after LU and he wants them to be prepared in case they do. He is kinda like a grandfather who will share random wisdom at the drop of a hat. He is also an Ambivert, he doesn’t care about social gatherings or for complete silence. He finds no problem in talking with others and taking time for himself.
Special traits:
He is the most knowledgeable of all the Links. He knows many different skills, languages and cultures. He knows upwards of 5 languages and has penpals all over the lands that he talks to regularly. He loves getting to learn more about the other links cultures and beliefs. He finds that sort of thing super fascinating. I also really enjoy the idea of him having magenta eyes and strawberry blonde hair with his signature pink streak. I also really like the fact that he doesn’t like jewlery. The reason he wears so much is because its all enchanted. It tends to make his life harder when traveling through towns. He has a habit of taking off the flashy jewelry in towns.
Hardest Experience:
One word, Koholint.
Things I don’t like:
I don’t like when people make him bitter and lonely. Its stated that he enjoys life on the road in the comic. Ive also never really seen him be bitter in the comic either, it’s mostly just him being dramatic. 
Bad Traits:
He is a hoarder by nature and often has to leave things behind that ‘might come in handy later’. It annoys some of the others but they never say anything. Its hard for him to let things go, they understand. He is also prone to speaking his mind which gets him into troubling situations most times. 
Other info: 
Legend is a broke ass bitch. He has like zero rupees to his name and has a tendency to try and barter and haggle shopkeepers. It usually gets them thrown out of shops.
Hyrule:
Have played the original. Haven’t played LA
Overview Background info:
I am very much on board with the whole Fae Hyrule idea. I think it's brilliant!!! That being said, I also really enjoy the downsides to it as well if that makes sense. I don’t think Hyrule would know that he is part Fae. He can’t touch iron tools or anything that has iron in it. He often finds himself drifting around Time the most besides Legend, neither of them know why they are drawn to each other in a way. 
Personality Overview:
He is quiet and thoughtful, reserved and cautious. However he is not shy and innocent. He might have been when he was a simple child without fate chasing him, however he has since grown. He is willing to speak his mind about certain topics and is very protective of people he cares for. He is probably the most cautious Link in the group, having spent time around cities where he was not liked. He is an introvert through and through. He enjoys the peace of nature and his own thoughts. He is often very panicked in crowds of more than 4 so it takes him quite a while to warm up to the group. 
Special Traits:
He is blessed in the art of Magic, however he doesn’t know why. To him it was perfectly normal to wield magic without an object to assist. Once he learns that it is in fact NOT normal, he longs to seek the truth. He is a Hero of the people, while he doesn’t particularly like people he has never said no to a request. He adores helping others, it makes something in his blood sing. That is often the reason he wanders off trails, he has helped more people that way. Its only a speculation from the others that Hyrule cannot read a map or doesn’t know directions. He often rolls his eyes at that but never bothers to correct them; how do you think he has survived all his life in the wilderness if he didn’t know his directions? He just prefers to wander. He also knows how to read and write, after all he does need to buy potions from the villages.
Hardest Experience:
I would probably say trying to keep himself healthy out in the wilderness. If you didn’t know, you have to find certain types of food if you are surviving off the land. If you only eat berries, you lack the necessary fats to keep your body alive. I can only imagine how difficult it is to find the proper nutrients in his wilderness.
Things I don’t like:
I don’t like how everyone portrays him as an innocent kid. I’ve never really been into it cause I never saw it in the comics. He is just a huge dork! Yes, of course there are certain things that he doesn’t know, but he figures if he doesn’t know them by now will he ever need to know?
Bad Traits:
He is super bad at adapting to group dynamics. He has been on his own since before he can remember and being thrown into a huge group, he doesn’t know what to do. At first he over compensates, he tries to do everything for everyone. After Time explained that he didn’t need to do that, Hyrule pulled an almost 180 and assumed that meant that everyone did everything on their own. After quite a while, they finally found a balance that worked with Hyrule.
Other info: 
Hyrule isn’t Hylian. He is a different race entirely. It reflects in his ears as the others ears are very long and skinny with a more defined point. Hyrules ears are much rounder and wider, the point isn’t quite so defined but it's there. He also has brown hair that curls as opposed to straight blonde hair. Forest green as opposed to light blue eyes. 
Warriors:
Have not played HW
Overview Background info:
I don’t really have anything to change about his background because I DON'T KNOW HIS BACKGROUND!!!! All I know is that he was a knight before being thrown into being the Hero. I think he also almost got killed??? Idk.
Personality overview:
I DESPISE how people make him so arrogant and foolish. He doesn’t seem to be from what I’ve seen. I believe that he would be quite sweet and caring for others, almost making it his downfall. He has been hardened from War, he has learned to act confident in specific situations, he has learned to trust his companions, he has learned not to be over or under confident of his skills. He is often the first that comes to mind when the others think of an older figure for advice, Time is often second simply because of how blunt he is. Wars adores his new companions, he knows in his whole heart he would sacrifice everything for them. He often goes along with pranks only to see the others smile. He is a steady figure for those who need it. He is an Ambivert leaning towards an extrovert. He enjoys social events with those he loves, he enjoys doing things with people he cares about. He also enjoys moments of peace where he can just think.
Special Traits:
He was trained as a soldier and a captain, he knows medical care. He knows all about anatomy and how to fix wounds. Its a skill that has saved himself and many others from death many times. While Hyrule has healing magic he doesn’t know how to use it on others, Wars finds out and pairs both them together whenever there are medical duties. Together they can heal just about anything, its a welcome talent for the chain.
Hardest Experience:
War. He literally went through war. He saw so many more deaths than any of the others. He has done so many more things than the others. I hate whenever people discount the face that he has LITERALLY gone through a war. For God’s sake, he’s a soldier not a Hero (at least he thinks) he has killed more than any of the others combined. He has to deal with that every night.
Things I don’t like:
I don’t like when he is portrayed as a play boy and that only. Yes, he is a playboy to an extent but I’ve always thought he is simply looking for someone who he can care for. He has so much love in his heart but people take advantage of it. Once he notices he’s being taken advantage of, he leaves. Thats what earns him that reputation. 
Bad Traits:
I hate this but I KNOW he is to some level an alcoholic. It makes so much sense to me, drinking away the pain of war, loneliness, and pain. Its heartbreaking but its so fitting for his character. I do think that he gets much better when traveling with the others, but its still there. I also feel like he doesn’t think himself to be worth much. After all, Cia (is that her name?? The crazy stalker lady??) was obsessed with him and it fucked with his head for a long time, still does. He often thinks that if he had given himself up, no one would have had to die.
Other info: 
He is the last one to eat, he makes sure that everyone has had something to eat before him so no one goes hungry. No one seems to notice. He knows the pains of going into battle starving intimately and makes it his duty that none of the others should experience it. He is also the most focused in battle, he loses himself to that headspace of life or death. Sometimes he can’t completely come back from it and feels fuzzy until the next morning.
Wild:
I have over 1000 hours in BotW, I love this game.
Overview Background info:
K this is going to make people hate me but hear me out first. I don’t think that Wild’s personality was any different before the shrine than after. I think he has the exact same personality as his knight self, the only difference being the vow of silence. Here is my theory about that: Links father was a Captain of the Guard in Castle Town where his family lived. Once Link was old enough and pulled the Master Sword, his father was super excited for his son to be able to help the kingdom. But he heard what the King was planning with his son and promptly left Castle Town in hopes the King wouldn’t find them. He lead his family to Hateno where they lived on the edge of town so no one would recognize them. The King had followed though and threatened Links father that he would kill him if his son didn’t come with them. Link’s father knew what the Kings plans were, to make his son a mindless soldier, and refused. He didn’t want his son to become what he had. The King was enraged and killed Links father in front of him. The King then took Link back to the castle and threatened if he didn’t take the vow of silence, the King would kill his sister. Link took the vow to save his sisters life and sealing his own fate. That is why Link despises Zelda, her father killed his father after all. All he really sees in her is a murderer's daughter. THAT is why he hated Zelda, why his house was in Hateno and NO ONE recognized him, why he never talked in memories and why he hates the King so much. That concludes my theory. I also have a specific theory on how he recalls memories, so lemme know if that interests any of you.
Personality Overview:
Wild is confident, calculated, witty, and kind. He knows where his limits are, having tested them MANY times. He is cautious of new people but always willing to lend a hand. He is confident in his skills and knows what he can and can’t achieve. He is more than willing to banter back and forth with those more sarcastic, but he knows where the line is drawn and never crosses it even while angry. Others have noticed his seemingly endless kindness in the things he does, he is willing to catapult himself halfway across Hyrule for his friends. Many assume him of causing chaos but he thinks himself to just have bad luck. He is an introvert which surprises many. Once he gets to know someone, they get the full Wild experience which often comes with shattered metal and singed clothing.
Special Traits:
He is the teams survivalist. Yes, Hyrule knows how to survive in the wilds as well however his methods aren’t exactly the best (no Hyrule you can’t just jump off a cliff because you can heal yourself and call that a shortcut). Wild adores nature and the team often notices it loves him back. He seems to not only survive but THRIVE in nature. It is so natural for Wild to know where they are headed even though he’d never been there before. Legend and Wars have a bet that he isn’t fully Hylian. Hyrule just thinks its because Wild is like himself, just naturally knowing this they’ve never learned (no Hyrule, Wild is not part Fae silly boi). He is an archer by pure instinct, he doesn’t like using a sword as it feels out of place in his hand. He uses all sorts of bows but the most common one seen is the Great Eagle Bow, which has never broken on Wild before.
Hardest Experience:
Its a tie between surviving the Great Plateau or regaining his memories. I think the Great Plateau wins tho simply because I imagine him spending more than 6 months on it, just figuring out how everything works. I love the idea that this boy was feral when he emerged from the shrine so he had to take time to figure himself out as well as survive.
Things I don’t like:
I hate Botw Zelda, I REALLY REALLY don’t like her so its annoying to me when her and Wild appear to be really good friends. Like no girl, you treated this boy like shit all the time, you do NOT get to pretend to like him all of the sudden. Cause think about it, in the game Link has VERY few memories and in almost every single one, Zelda is being a bitch. You cannot expect me to believe that Wild and Flora magically become friends just because he killed Ganon. Thats not how friendship works. She was just a shit person in the past and honestly it doesn’t really seem that she's going to change. I’ll tell you right now if I ever had someone treat me like shit repeatedly and then after a year they just decide to be friends with me, thats not gonna fly. I will beat the shit out of them with a fucking pencil sharpener alright?
Bad Traits:
‘Terrible’ sleeping habits. What is really happening is the chain is used to regular hours of sleep, Wild and Hyrule are used to around 3 hours of sleep. No matter how save Wild knows he is, there will be something under his skin telling him to move. It bugs a lot of the team but they can see that Wild and Hyrule are used to it so they accept it.
Other info:
 Yall are gonna hate me even more for this but I H A T E Mipha and Sidon. I despise them with my whole heart. Mipha is such a fucking flat character, truly! Think about it, all we know is that she liked Link and had a brother. THATS IT!!! We don’t get much more with Sidon either, he’s just our Uber to an infected elephant tank. I hate that they could have been cool or whatever but they are so FLAT!!!!! The only character with any real substance is Revali, we see him fail. We see him struggle. We watch as he pushes himself farther and farther. We see where his attitude comes from. We see so many sides to his character and when we are in Medoh, we witness first hand how he comes to acknowledge Links success! He has S O much more character to him than almost anyone else in the entire game!!!! BotW has tons of characters, sure, but almost all of them are flat and offer NOTHING to the story. Honestly in my mind the only character with more development than Revali is Hudson. My man gets married for hell's sake!!! So yes, I HATE Mipha, Zelda, Sidon and so many other characters in this game. Revali and Link are God-tier because they have development to them!!!
Wind: 
Have played WW. Haven’t played PH or ST
Overview Background info:
I love his adorable family living on an island, I think it fits super well. I think the only thing I would mention is that Four’s shield is his family shield. I think lots of people have speculated that as well, idk its just something kinda adorable to me. 
Personality overview:
He is probably the most expressive Link of them all and not due to his age. He expresses his emotions often and in full force. He doesn’t like the idea of holding them in as that causes trouble. He finds value in stating everything bluntly and honestly. He cares a ton about his new companions and often lets them know. Its this ability to be transparent about his feelings that helps the chain grow close so fast. He hates lying with a passion and is actually quite bad at it unless it is something important. He is a natural extrovert and loves talking about his adventures. He knows that most of the others are introverts but that never bothers him, many times he just fills the silence with his stories and lets the others choose to listen or not. He is surprisingly observant as well and is able to read his companions incredibly well. He uses his age and observation skills to his advantage.
Special Traits:
I will die with this headcanon but Wind can see spirits and interact with them. I adore that idea so much! I also really like to think that the Deities and Gods of his world are much different than the others. I really enjoy the idea of the Wind Waker being simply a prop, that the King of Red Lions knew that Link could use the winds in anyway he wishes. Link was chosen by the winds but didn’t realize until he was given the Wind Waker. Eventually he learns of that and is able to control the winds to his liking, always thanking them for their help.
Hardest Experiences:
I think it would be the challenge of leaving his family behind on the island, I mean have you see his face during that scene? He is sad boi
Things I don’t like:
I don’t like the idea of Wind being pampered because he's a kid. Sure I get it, the others don’t want him to get hurt but at the same time he went through some challenges that no one else has. He is strong willed and resilient, able to overcome all obstacles in his path. He fought with the Gods of Fate and made them choose him!
Bad Traits:
Because of his bluntness, sometimes social cues aren’t his thing. It often gets them kicked out of shops and other places but everyone knows if it wasn’t Wind saying something blunt, it’d be Legend trying to barter the owner with something useless. He often doesn’t know when to draw the line in arguments and says things he regrets. 
Other info:
I kinda touched on this earlier but I adore the idea that the Winds chose Link to wield them. The Wind Waker is just a prop meant to help Link establish that connection. Of course he still keeps it though because the King of Red Lions gave it to him. I also really enjoy the idea of each of the Link’s having their own Gods and Deities that they worship, all in different ways. Like how in Winds timeline, he has three Deities (in WW at least) that he worships. But in Hyrules time, those Deities don’t exist and Hyrule doesn’t worship any because at that point in the timeline, there are no more residing on the planet. They are instead watching from the stars. Lemme know if y’all want more details on that.
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mando-connoisseur · 3 years
Text
Here's another little snippet from the Boba/Din AU fic I'm currently working on where Jango lives & is a worried Dad. Boba meets Din for the first time!!!!! 
____
Boba walked over to the guild leader, greeting him with a nod.
“Sorry I’m late. I got – held up.”
The guild leader looked up at him with a facial expression that somehow exhibited both fear and delight. “Don’t worry about it. I had to round up another hunter to assist with the job anyway, so you didn’t miss anything.”
Boba was intrigued. “It’s going to require two people?” He had done work in groups before, but tried to make sure it was always with people he knew and trusted. Maybe he could send his buir a comm with the other hunter’s info so he could do a quick background search while they were on the way? Retirement didn’t really agree with his buir anyway. He’d probably be thrilled to be able to do some digging on the holonet.
“Yeah, but only because the client is a bit … demanding.” The leader responded.
“Always good to hear,” Boba muttered sarcastically. At least it paid well. He took a seat at the table while they waited for the other beroya to get there. Boba hoped that they would at least be personable. In his profession, sometimes that was too much to ask.
The guild leader looked up and waved to someone behind Boba. Unable to hide his curiosity, Boba turned his head to catch sight of the newcomer.
His heart sunk, and Boba struggled to stifle a gasp.
This other beroya, the one that had been called in last minute, was a Mandalorian.
His armor was absolutely immaculate. A beautiful, shiny silver that couldn’t be anything less but pure beskar.
Boba tried to hide his awe, finding himself suddenly at a loss for words. A Mandalorian? Working with him? Boba immediately felt panic fill his body. His buir hadn’t parted with the other Mandalorians on great terms, but they were so rare these days, it hadn’t been an issue that Boba had really had to deal with before.
“Hey, Mando!” The guild leader called him over to the table. The beroya caught sight of Boba and his shoulders immediately stiffened. Had he recognized him? Was he in awe or enraged? It was impossible to tell with the beroya’s face completely hidden away.
The beroya, or,“mando,” Boba supposed he should call him, walked over silently and sat down across from him.
“I’ve got a big job, and it requires two hunters of your caliber to do it.” He explained.
Huh. So he must be good. That’s reassuring at least.
Boba found it hard to focus on what else the guild leader was saying. He hoped that the other beroya was paying attention, because he was lost in thought, mentally appraising the other man and assessing whether he was a friend or a threat.
Boba desperately hoped he was the former.
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queenrose730 · 3 years
Text
Reckless
The Winter Solider 
Master List
2014
It had been a while since you had been back to the Avengers tower. Once SHIELD got all official after the Battle of New York, they got a big fancy building in DC. You decided to keep an apartment at the tower but honestly spent most of your time now in DC. Now though, you had been forced back by Steve. All because of a broken leg. It didn’t even happen on a mission, although that might have been better. You were sparing with another agent when a mistake happened and your left leg was broken. Steve nearly took the guys head off when he heard you scream. Somehow between the pain you got Steve to focus on you. After all it wasn’t the others guy’s fault.
The doctors put you in a cast and told you to use the crutches for at least 3 months. Then they would reevaluate the leg. Steve caught you once without your crutches and set you back to New York. It forced you to take your job slower and you couldn’t do as much. Plus, Tony and Bruce kept an eye on you. After a week there, Tony broke down and figured out how to make an exoskeleton cast. This way you could get around more easily and hopefully complain less. After some trial and error, and the ok from the doctor, you had a brace. It came up around your thigh and had a plate that slid under your foot. The knee joint move freely but the ankle was locked, but could be loosened as you healed.
“Well it looks like your leg is pretty well healed agent.” It was almost three months to the day.
“Thank god.”
“I would still recommend the brace for another month but the ankle can be set to move freely.”
“Awesome. I’ll get Tony to do that.” The doctor at the tower was so much nicer than at SHIELD. Probably because they were ex-military docs. They somehow always were dicks.
“I’ll want to see you again in a month. But other than that you are free to go.” You hopped of the bed and shook the doctors hand.
“Thanks again. I appreciate you working with me.”
“You didn’t give me much of a choice.” He raised an eyebrow. To which you just shrugged your shoulders and headed out. The doctor just laughed as you walked out the door.
“Hey Jarvis. Let Tony know I’m on my way down!” It took all you had not to skip down the hall.
“Certainly Miss yln.”
As you reached the elevator you grabbed your phone to let Steve know how your leg was and maybe drop the hint about getting back to your regular work. Before you could type your message, number came up on your screen.
“Speak of the devil! I was just about to text you. I got the all clear from the doc.”
“That’s good yn.” His voices sounded off.
“What’s wrong Steve? How’d the mission go?”
“It was complicated.” He let out a sigh over the phone.
“How complicated?” Suddenly the conversation was serious. You changed the floor you were headed to, now going to your apartment.
“What do you know about something call Project Insight?”
“I’ve never heard of it.” The door to the elevator opened and you walked down the hall.
“Fury showed it to me. I need you to see if you can find anything out about it. Something doesn’t feel right.”
“Sure. Hang on a sec while I get my computer up and running.” You sat down at your desk. Setting the phone down and putting Steve on speaker. If something did sit right with him, it was trouble. You learned quick to trust Steve gut.
“Alright let’s see what I can find.” A quick search of shield records didn’t provide much.
“All I can see is that there is a file under that name but it pretty high clearance. Like Fury and a few others. What is it?” You kept click through files that you could open while listening to Steve.
“He’s got three helicarriers. At armed to the nines. He said it’s a way to neutralize threats before they happen.”
“What? So shield is building their own nuclear deterrent? How is Fury ok with that?”
“I don’t know. Can you see anything else?”
“No Steve. Not without hacking in and they would know it was me. I doubt even the people working on it know what they are building.”
“Ok. Well I’m going to have to do some more digging around here.”
“I can come down there Steve. My leg is fine.”
“No yn. Just stay there. Keep digging though files and see what you can find.”
“Ok. Be careful Steve.”
“You too sweetheart.”
You spent the rest of the night combing through any file you could get your hands on. Tony came up sometime after dinner. He was going to yell at you for not eating or coming down to have him loosen your brace. But changed his mind when he saw the mess around you on the desk. Instead he went back and grabbed you a plate. Pulling you away for only a moment so you could eat and he could take care of the brace.
“So how bad is it kiddo?”
“I don’t know Tony. The more I dig the more inaccuracies I find in all kinds of files.” You stared at the computer twirling your fork. “I think I might head down to DC.”
“Well I’ll get a jet ready for you. It’ll be on standby.” He stood from his seat and walked to the door. “And what is it the Rogers always tell you? He gave another pause and you turned to him. That’s right! Don’t do anything stupid of reckless yn.” With that he was out the door.
You took one more look at the computer before standing up and heading to the bed. If shit was about to hit the fan you at least need to get some rest.
Apparently you needed more than you thought. It was almost 8am when you finally woke up. You decided against breakfast for the moment. You checked for phone for any messages then hit the shower. After your shower, you started to pack your bag. A change of regular clothes along with your tac suit. Some toiletries and a few extras. Lastly was the fun stuff. In the hall Closet was your own mini armory. You pack your usual two pistols and a few blades. You also grabbed a couple auto injectors. Can never be to safe. While you were packing though you missed the alert on your computer. Something big was happening.
“Miss yn. You jet is ready for takeoff.”
“Thank you Jarvis.” You walked to the door and laced up your boots.
“There was also an alert that came up on your computer miss.”
“What?” You stood up and headed to your desk. Leaving your bag by the door.
Sure enough there was an alert. Nick Fury was dead and Steve was wanted by Shield.
“What the fuck!” You nearly topped your chair when you stood. Instantly grabbing for your phone to call Steve. There was no answer. Shit. Shit. Shit. You grabbed you bag and ran to the jet. Shit was hitting the fan. A lot of shit.
“Jarvis let Tony know I’m leaving.”
“Certainly.”
You flicked through your takeoff procedures and grabbed the controls.
“Jarvis try Steve again.” You shot up into the sky heading to DC.
“I’m sorry miss. He did not answer.”
“Fuck. Try Maria.” She was always close to fury. Hopefully she would know what the hell was going on.
“Hill.”
“Maria. What the fuck is going on?”
“Yn.” She paused. It sounded like she was taking to someone.
“I’m on my way to DC. Tell me what the fuck is going on.”
“Yn. I’m sending you Coordinates to land at. Do not enter DC air space.” Fuck. This was bad.
“What’s going on?”
“I’ll tell you when. You get here. Just get here.” She hung up. You pushed the engines to max speed.
You made it to the coordinates Maria gave you in almost record time. 20 minutes from her hanging up to when you touched down outside an old dam. Maria was out waiting for you.
“Tell me what the fuck is going on!” By the time you landed you were fuming. Not at anyone particularly but at the whole situation. “What happened to Fury? Where is Steve?”
“Come on in yn.” She turned to lead you into the damn. All you wanted to do was cuss and scream at her nonchalant attitude towards everything. You followed her down the damp hallways of the dam until it opened up into a small room.
“I could hear you cursing from in here yn.”
“Fury! What the fuck” He held back a laugh. “SHIELD said you were dead. How?”
“They needed to think he was actually dead but we got him out of the hospital and here for treatment.” Maria moved around the bed and started talking to one of the doctors. You took a seat next to fury.
“What is going on?”
“Shield has been compromised.”
“By who?”
“HYDRA.”
“Project insight is them.” You sat back in your seat. That would explain all the odd bits of info you had been picking up while digging through files. Fury nodded at your response. “How long?”
“I’m not sure. At this point we don’t know who to trust.”
“So why I am here? Why did you let me know you’re alive?”
“Because other than Captain Rogers, you would be the second person in line to kill anyone that might be affiliated with HYDRA.” He wasn’t wrong.
“So where is Steve now? What’s are next play?”
“Hill is working on how to get Steve. Then we stop Insight.”
Sitting around was not your style, but Fury told you to wait. Maria was on trying to track down Steve. Doctors where still working on patching up fury. All you could do was sit and wait. You knew that if Steve was running he would have ditched his cell. At this point it really wasn’t safe to call anyone else. Fury didn’t even want you call Nat. You only slipped a call to Tony to let him know you landed. He tried to press for more info but you shut him down quickly. You could hear the news playing in the background about Fury and Steve.
It was well into the night when Maria finally found something. A STRIKE team had been sent to a mall then Camp Lehigh was bombed. There was still no indication where Steve was at.
Then around mid-morning the next day more alerts started going off. Sitwell was kidnapped.
“That has to be Steve right?” You had taken up a post with Maria going through any SHIELD alerts.
“It’s a good chance. Keep digging.”
“God I should have come down here when he called me the other night.”
“There’s nothing you could have done. You would just be on the run with him.” Maria looked up at you over her computer. “And do you think Steve would want you out there or here?” You caught the smirk on her face.
“Yea yea.” You waved her off. Steve did just about anything to keep you safe. He learned quickly that your self-preservation was about as good as his.
“This is it!” She stood up quickly and spun her computer around. A STRIKE team orders to grab them on the freeway. They were helping out “the asset”.  “If I can get into one of those prisoner transports, I can get them out.” Before you could respond she was off to Fury.
“Take the team and get him.”
“Yes, sir.” She turned and started ordering the men around.
“I’m coming with you Maria.”
“No you’re not yn. I need you here.” It was an order from Fury.
“Fine.” You just watched as Maria and her team suited up.  
“I don’t what you doing anything stupid out there yn.”
“I know Fury. I know.” He was right. The likelihood you would do something stupid was pretty high. All you could do now is wait.
  The plan was easy enough. Steve, Sam and you each had a chip to place into the helicarriers. Linking them and taking them out of the air. Nat and Fury would take down SHIELD. Exposing everything to the world. Steve was on edge even though he didn’t show it.
“I want you to get on and off that helicarrier quick. Don’t mess around.”
“Steve I’m fine. If it’s about the leg, it’s ok.”
“Yn. It won’t take much for you to rebreak it.”
“Yep. And it doesn’t take much to break my other bones either.” You teased and jogged off to your starting point.
“Yn I’m serious.” He said over comms. You just laughed to yourself and continued on.
The guys gave you a head start. You listened to Steve talk over the intercom. People that you passed looking nervously between each other. Once you reached you carrier, it was mostly unguarded for the moment. Steve drawing the attention away from it for the moment. Just a few bad guys to take down. Suddenly the door above the carrier began to open.
“Uh, guys they are getting ready to launch.”
“Get that chip in place and get back to Maria yn.” You rolled your eyes at Steve even though he couldn’t see you.
You pushed harder to get to the control center to get your chip in place. Thankfully it seemed most people hadn’t quite realized you were already on the ship. Outside you could see that Sam and Steve were drawing the most attention.
“I got my chip in place. How are you guys doing?” Getting out was going to be a bit more difficult.
“I’m locked.” Sam shouted.
“Two down. Captain how are you looking?” Maria was running the ground.
“Working on it.”
“Steve where are you? I’m coming to you.” You started working your way to the flight deck.
“Yn get back to Maria. I got this.”
“Oh fuck you Steve.”  You heard Sam laugh.
“I like her.” That earned a groan from Steve.
“Since you like me so much want to give a lift Sam?” You kept working your way to the deck. First plan was to grab a jet and head to Steve. You just had to get up there.
“6 minutes until it reached altitude.”
“Sam! Where is that ride!”
“I’m grounded. Steve’s on the carrier.”
“What happened!”
“Winter Solider.”
“Shit.” You pushed off from where you were hiding. Steve told you that somehow that was Bucky. That whatever happened to him when he was captured during the war must have helped him survive the fall. You knew Steve would be blinded by his friend. Even if he didn’t recognize him.
“Steve you copy? I’m on my way.” No response.
“Falcon. I got Rumlow.” Maria broke in.
“I’m on it.”
“Maria can you get into one of these jets and get it started for me?” You kept clearing a path.
“Space five. Staring engines now.” The jet just ahead of you roared to life and the hatch opened.
“I could kiss you girl!” You climbed in and headed to the last carrier.
By the time you reached the control center Steve and the Solider were already locked. You took aim and started firing at the Solider. It caused just enough distraction for him that Steve was able to lock him in a hold.
“Yn.” He hissed over the comms.
“Just get me that chip Steve!” Steve shoved the Solider off of him and started toward you. Climbing up the structure.
“Steve!” The Solider was back up an aiming at Steve. He tossed the chip at you. You barely got your fingers on it, leaning every part of your body over the railing. A shot rang out.
“Go yn!” Steve kept climbing as you rushed to the computer. More shots were fired. This time they hit you. First in your leg.
“Yn!”
“I got it Steve!”
“One minute!” Maria shouted over comms. This was it you just had to reach- Another shot. It hits you in the shoulder propelling you forward. You slam into the control center. Pressing the keys as fast as you could the door slid open. Just as you reached to put your chip in another shot hit your stomach. You fell before you could get the chip placed.
“Damnit.” Steve had reached you. He grabbed the chip from you and slammed it home. “We’re locked.”
“Get out of there guys.”
Steve reached down to scoop you up when he was shot in the shoulder.
“Maria. Fire.”
“Yn.” Maria questioned you.
“I said fire!” You shouted. Steve didn’t have words to say. Suddenly there was an explosion.
“Why?”
“Steve.” You gave him a sad look. He dug in you suit to find an injector. Quickly stabbing it into your arm.
“That was stupid.”
“So is this.” You pushed him off of you. “Where is the Solider?” Steve looked around. When he stopped you followed his eye line. The Solider was trapped under a large piece of metal from the carrier. “Go.”
Steve looked back to you.
“Go Steve.” You reached into your pocket and grabbed another injector. Slamming that one into your thigh. Steve nodded.
“Here.” He handed you the shield. The carrier started to tip. A quick glance saw that it was colliding with the building.
“Stupid and reckless.” You gave him a grin then stood the best you could. At the railing you gave a look down. There was a break in the glass directly below you and water beyond that.
“Get your friend Steve.” Before he could question you, you heaved yourself over the railing and out the bottom of the ship.
You used the shield to help break the water as you hit it. It still nearly took all the air out of you. Once you bobbed back to the surface you looked back up. The building seemed to have caught the carrier and it just sat there. The extra injector gave you enough strength to slowly swim to the edge of the water.
“Where’s Steve and yn!” Your comms still worked!
“I’m in the water under the ship! I’m trying to get to shore. Steve’s still on the carrier.”
“I’ll get a vehicle and get her Fury.”
“Copy that Hill.”
You just have to get to the edge before that carrier comes down. Pushing your muscles as they ached. The pain meds quickly wearing off even with the extra dose. You glanced back. Shit. The carrier was coming down. You didn’t know if you were clear but you hoped you were. Maybe the wave it caused would give you the extra push to the shore.
Tags- @ginger-swag-rapunzel
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Text
Inspired by this post by @whump-princess all about tail whump~ Specifically “getting it caught or slamming it in a door”.
Featuring my demon/incubus OC Arinn. He has tiny horns and a thin, smooth “devil tail” sort of tail. He can magically hide them to blend in but doesn’t need to at home with Alex. He is “fed”/energized by physical affection (this story makes 0 sense without that info).
Tagging @deluxewhump ? This isn’t that sort of Arinn story but I did promise to tag you. :)
CW: tail whump, tail injury, broken bones, bruising, swearing, comfort, affection, romantic relationship, touching, kissing, a few light innuendos but nothing overtly sexual.
----
The cozy Saturday afternoon silence in the apartment is interrupted by the slam of the door... followed by an agonized scream from the doorway. There’s a thud and a string of curses in at least four languages.
Startled, Alex sets down his phone on the kitchen counter and hurries into the living room.
“Ari?”
Sure enough, his demon boyfriend Arinn is standing there, looking...not great. His face is flushed and pinched with pain, his fists clenched tight, white-knuckled. Bags of groceries lie at either side of his feet, their contents spilling out onto the floor. Alex couldn’t care less about them. He steps closer.
“Ari, what’s wrong? Hey, breathe...”
Ari releases a shaky breath. He takes a few more deep breaths before answering, his voice weak, tugging at Alex’s heart.
“M-my tail...”
Alex hurries to his side and looks around him.
“Oh, fuck...fuck, fuck, fuck...”
Ari’s slender tail, connected at his lower back, droops down and disappears into where the door meets the door frame. Trapped there. Undoubtedly crushed. Undoubtedly hurting.
“Oh, fuck, babe...”
“Quit saying fuck and get it out!” Arinn snaps. He immediately covers his reddened face with a hitched sound. “Sorry...sorry - I...it h-hurts.”
“I know...I know, babe.” A kiss is pressed to the side of Arinn’s head, reassurance that Alex isn’t angry. He crouches by the door.
“...wind blew it shut,” Arinn mumbles sullenly, lowering his hands. He tries in vain to hide a sniffle. Alex hears it, but spares his lover the further humiliation of pointing it out. He’s so good like that...he knows what Arinn needs, when he needs it.
Right now he just needs his tail out of the fucking door.
“Alright...here goes...”
Alex cups one hand under Arinn’s tail so it doesn’t fall. With his other hand he slowly twists the doorknob and eases the door open.
Arinn whines softly as his tail slips free into Alex’s gentle grip. He sways on his feet, groaning deeply at the rush of pain. “O-oh...”
“Easy...easy, I’ve got you.” Alex stands, still carefully holding Arinn’s tail so it doesn’t droop to the ground. He puts his other arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders. “Couch or bed?”
“Bed, please.” Arinn turns away, flushed with pain and embarrassment and unwilling to look at the damage to his poor tail.
His tail has always been a conflicting part of himself. A thing, like his horns, that separated him from humans. Emotive, curling when he’s happy and flicking when he’s angry and tucking between his legs when he’s frightened. Fragile and vulnerable, an easy target for those who would hurt him, something to be grabbed and yanked and stomped on.
But also...
Also soft and sensitive. So attuned to gentle touch, like when Alex strokes and kisses it as lovingly as the rest of him. Tingling at the feeling of warm fingers, sending ripples of pleasure up his spine...
Now the only things traveling up his spine are tremors with every painful throb of his injured tail. Try as he might, he can’t hold back the little pained sounds the feeling elicits as Alex guides him to the bedroom.
“Alright...on your stomach...”
It’s the sort of obvious statement Arinn would normally give a sarcastic retort, and it’s a testament to the pain he’s in that he doesn’t say a word as he crawls onto the mattress and flops face first into the pillow with a groan.
He feels Alex gently settle his tail down beside him. There’s a brief loss of contact that sends a chill across Arinn’s skin. Don’t leave me. He knows Alex won’t, but nonetheless his mind can’t help imagining being left to suffer.
A big warm hand cups the back of his neck, a thumb stroking at his pulse. “I’m going to get some things...” A pause, the hand not moving. “Arinn...can you say something? I’m worried...”
That makes Arinn huff out a laugh in spite of himself. Of course Alex is worried because he isn’t running his mouth for once.
“...your hand feels good,” he mumbles into the pillow. The comforting weight of it increases ever so slightly, the touch grounding him.
“Once you’re fixed up I’ll put my hands wherever you want,” Alex teases.
Arinn groans. “None of that. Not for a while,” he says miserably.
“I know. And it’s okay.” Alex kisses the top of his head and then disappears into the bathroom to dig through their medicine cabinet.
He returns with what must be half of its contents and spills them onto the other half of the bed. “I’m not really sure how to treat a tail,” he admits. “And I’m pretty sure you don’t want to go to a doctor.”
“Hell no,” Arinn says, turning his face to rest his cheek on the pillow so that he can look at Alex. When Alex sees his red-rimmed eyes his face softens. On anyone else it would be pity and Arinn would scoff at it, but from his Alex he knows it’s only that he feels everything so strongly, including his lover’s pain.
“It will heal on its own,” Arinn reassures him, and it’s true. He heals quicker than humans do, at least, when he has enough energy. And Alex’s constant affection is a more than sufficient energy source. “Just...something to keep it from moving until then. And something f-for the pain -” he draws in a sharp gasp as said pain hits him again.
“Yeah,” Alex says quickly. “Yeah, of course. Okay...”
He gently lifts the limp little tail and cradles it gently in his hands. Arinn closes his eyes and breathes, trusting him completely.
Alex makes a little sound of sympathy, his fingers moving almost imperceptibly over the bruised flesh. For someone who could probably bench press Arinn if he wanted to, he’s always so gentle with him. “It’s definitely broken.”
“Thought so...there was a - a crunch.” He feels Alex flinch at the words. Lips brush softly over the tender skin of his tail and he sighs.
After that, Alex works silently. He smooths some sort of balm onto the damaged tail for the bruising. He uses a ruler and bandages to fashion a splint for it, something Arinn will hate wearing every moment until it’s gone, but knows it’s necessary. Alex even gets a bag of frozen peas from the kitchen and lets the tail rest on it to ease the swelling.
Finally he begins to pop open a bottle of pain medicine, when Arinn stops him.
“Those won’t help.”
“No?”
“No. Demon, remember?”
Alex frowns, crestfallen, and sets the bottle aside. “What will help?”
“You.”
His head snaps up and Arinn meets his searching gaze. The love there is...intoxicating. Just the anticipation of Alex’s comfort makes him feel a little bit stronger.
He starts to climb into the bed and is stopped again. “Mm-mm. Shirt.”
Understanding crosses Alex’s face and in seconds his shirt is gone, revealing broad shoulders and a strong body with just enough softness to be wonderfully comfortable.
“Yours too?”
Arinn nods and doesn’t budge, letting Alex ease his shirt up over his head and toss it aside.
Alex pulls up the covers and slips under them beside him. Arinn carefully turns onto his side, managing not to jostle his tail, Alex’s hand on his hip to guide him.
“You do the rest,” he mumbles, feeling drowsy now that the shock and pain from earlier has dulled.
Alex obliges. He moves close, warm arms curling around Arinn’s body. Arinn rests his forehead against Alex’s neck and feels like he can really breathe for the first time all day.
There are no more words between them. None are necessary. Alex speaks his love in soothing strokes of hands down his back, kisses peppered over his hair, his legs tangling with Arinn’s. Solid and steady. Exactly what Arinn needs.
His affections are like a glass of water to a parched throat, sending a familiar warm energy coursing through Arinn’s veins. With Alex around he never has to hunger or thirst or want. He has everything he needs and more.
By the morning his tail will already be halfway healed, and Alex will dote on him and bring him food and kiss his horns and make him laugh. He’ll love him so hard, love his pain away, love his tail better, love his body stronger. And Arinn will love him back just as fiercely.
~The End~
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wiypt-writes · 3 years
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Stark Spangled Banner
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Ch 18:  Told You I’d Say Yes
Summary: Steve, Katie and Sam begin their search for Bucky and they uncover something that makes Steve start to question where their priorities as a team should lie. Decision made, the two of them head back to the Tower in New York to join up with the other adventures, and when Katie’s 30th birthday arrives, Steve asks a very differen question…
Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark
Warnings: Bad language words, smut (NSFW), no under 18s. And a whole lotta teeth rotting fluff…
A/N: I think this is my favourite edit yet, @angrybirdcr​
Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.
Chapter 17
Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist
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 Steve had no real leads and as such he, Katie and Sam spent weeks combing through the information that Natasha had provided, using JARVIS to translate the Russian which none of them spoke of course. It was hard work, stressful and gave them nothing of real use either, other than give them a bit more of an understanding of who the Winter Soldier was, so to speak, and then Sam had a brainwave. If Bucky was starting to get his memories back and pieced together that he had been working for Hydra under duress, he might go looking for answers, possibly even revenge.
They decided to start in the nearest Hydra base they knew about from the leaks on the internet, and as such they were now ransacking an old abandoned bank in the financial district in the middle of the night.
What they found wasn’t great- a dozen bodies of dead Hydra agents. Most looked as if they had had their throats crushed apart from one who was sat in a chair, a bullet between his eyes.  From the look, and smell, they’d been there a while.
“That’s an execution.” Sam muttered, nodding at the man who had been shot and Katie looked at him as Steve simply turned and walked from the smaller room, back into the larger corridor. He made his way down, pulling open a thick door into the main vault and stopped dead as he saw some form of chair in the middle, surrounded by restraints and a device that looked like some kind of macabre halo. Steve felt his mouth go dry as he looked at it. I was some perverted form of the chamber he’d been in when they’d administered the serum…
“Looks like they were deleting data when they were interrupted…” Sam bent over to get a closer look at the computer to the side. Katie passed him the device she had brought and he plugged it in and started the data mining. As Steve made his way towards the two of them, Sam frowned and clicked on something that caught his attention and immediately the sounds of tortured screams filled the room. Katie jolted slightly as Sam took a step back, the three of them glancing at the screen which was sat on the desk. And all 3 wished they hadn’t. As there, on the screen Bucky was strapped down the halo-like contraption lowered onto his head.
“Turn it off!” Katie instructed to Sam, who moved to cut the footage immediately but Steve grabbed his arm.
“No…” he said firmly, his eyes fixated on the grim footage in front of him, his chest heaving with anger.
Finally the screams stopped and someone was saying words as they were in Russian but when they finished Bucky slumped down in the chair staring blankly ahead, as he spoke a single sentence, his face and voice completely void of expression and emotion. 
There was a moment of silence when Steve suddenly snapped grabbing the edge of the table and flipping it over with a loud crash, all of the equipment and computers meeting a rather abrupt end along with it. He felt sick, upset, angry…and he couldn’t help but feel this was his fault for leaving his friend behind.
“Steve?” Katie asked anxiously, whilst she watched his shoulders heave with anger.
“Let’s go.” He instructed sternly, already making his way to the exit.
“Steve?” She called again.
“Now.” He bit back.
Steve didn’t speak a word whilst they drove home. Once they were in the apartment he stormed straight through the hall and up the stairs to the bed room. Katie turned to Sam who was hovering in the hall.
“That went well.” he quipped.
Katie sighed, walking into the kitchen and handed Sam a water which he thankfully took, draining it in one go.
“The thing is, Sam…” she ran a hand over her face “It’s gonna get worse, the more we dig, the more we’re going to find.”
“Yeah well, on that note I’m going to go back to the bank, do a bit more digging of my own tonight.” Sam sighed “See if I can find something that would give us an indication as to when exactly Bucky hit the base, might help us piece together a timeline of sorts.”
“Alright, but be careful, yeah?”
“I’m always careful, sugar!” Sam grinned, and Katie rolled her eyes. “Listen, you gonna be ok?”
“Yeah, I’ll give him some time. He’ll come round, he’s just…” she paused searching for the right word before she concluded “sad.”
Sam nodded “Call you tomorrow then, I’m at the VA in the morning but my afternoon is free”
“Will do…oh, and Sam?”
He turned around and Katie threw him the keys to the Q5 as he still hadn’t replaced his car. “Take this, but bring it back in once piece.”
“Cheers dude!” He beamed, catching the keys expertly before he headed out of the door.
Once he was gone, Katie walked over to the sofa and dropped down onto it, pulling out her phone. She knew it was late, but Tony answered straight away.
“Did it work?” She asked instantly.
“Did it work…” Tony snorted “I made the damned device, of course it did. JARVIS took everything off their system…he’s already sifting through and cross referencing… any mention of Barnes in any form he’ll find it.”
“Thanks Tony.”
“There is something he has found thought, that’s kinda interesting, but also very worrying.”
“What?”
“He found an encoded list of locations, locations for HYDRA bases across the globe. Curiosity got the better of me, and I ran a couple of cross checks on the bases that were already captured or infiltrated, and it matches 80%…”
“Yeah, there’s bases out there that didn’t fall… that’s what Fury’s doing, you know this.”
“Well here’s the thing…” Tony sighed “That 80% rallies to around 10 bases. One-Eye-Willy knew about 6, which he is currently working on with SHIELD or whatever they’re called now. The other 4 were unknown, until now.”
“Shit.” Katie sighed. If they had gone unknown, unchallenged, then it was possible that more of Hydra remained than they thought.
“Pretty much what Fury said when I called him.” Tony replied “Anyway, I think it’s time we put the band back together Kiddo…”
She groaned. “Steve already turned Fury down to find Bucky first.”
“Well, for once I’m inclined to agree with the Goth Pirate.”  Tony continued “I think rounding the last of these bastards up is slightly more pressing than Spangles chasing his old school buddy.”
“Don’t call him that…” She sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. 
“Fury says he’ll make contact with Natasha and Clint, no idea how to reach Point Break though. I called his girlfriend, or paramour, whatever, who said he was off chasing something, no idea what, but when he comes back she’s gonna tell him we’re looking for him.”
“I’ll talk to Steve…but I can’t promise anything.”
“If anyone can talk him round it’s you.” He said, his voice adopting a more sympathetic tone “You know, there’s no reason why we can’t look for Barnes along the way. I mean it’s all Hydra, right?”
“Yeah, good point. Let me talk to him. I’ll call you tomorrow, or later today, whatever.”
“No sweat, take care. Love you kiddo.”
“You too Tones”
Katie dropped her phone onto the couch and sighed. Time to tackle Steve. She unzipped her combat boots, shucked them off and headed up the stairs. She gently opened the bedroom door and saw Steve, hair damp from the shower, led on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.
“Hey.” She crawled onto the bed next to him and propped herself up on her elbows so she could look at him.
“Hi.” He rolled his head to accept the kiss she offered as she reached a hand up to twine in the hair at the top of his head. “I’m sorry.” He leaned into her hand like a dog seeking attention. Katie opened her arms to let Steve snuggle into them, like a child, as she rolled onto her back, his head laying on her chest as her hand continued to tangle in his hair.
“Do you think we’re wasting our time? Looking for him?” Steve asked after a moment.
Katie hesitated, choosing her words carefully. “Bucky has been brainwashed and tortured by HYDRA for longer than I’ve been alive. It’s going to take more than saving you from the river to bring back the man you knew” she took a deep breath “I think we’re going to struggle chasing someone as resourceful as he is when he doesn’t want to be found. And we may have another problem…”
“Like what?” He asked, frowning at her.
“I just spoke to Tony. J has been going through the info that we pulled from the servers. Apparently there’s a list of 4 secret Hydra bases that no one knew about, not even Fury, that didn’t go down when we took out SHIELD.”
Steve let out a groan “So now I have to choose, between Bucky and taking down what remains of Hydra…”
Katie kissed his head sympathetically as the turmoil raged within his brain. They couldn’t let Hydra get a foothold again. But he didn’t want to let Bucky down either.
“You know, going after Hydra might help.” Katie spoke softly “I mean, we have nothing other than vague ideas and supposition about where Bucky is or what he has planned next. We might find something along the way. In the meantime, Sam can keep working our current angle and line of thought.”
“You’re right.” he said after a pause “I’ve tried twice to bring these bastards down. I can’t let them slip through my fingers a third time.”
*****
“Gotta say Cap, you’re looking better than last time I saw you.” Tony grnned as they entered the lab in the tower.
“I feel it!” Steve smiled, shaking Tony’s hand.
“What you looking at?” Katie asked, nodding to the screen, taking in the map.
“Got JARVIS running a bit of an analysis on the bases we found out about. Terrain surrounding them, best places to land the jet, potential areas of weakness that kinda thing.” He said, “Could take a while but, best to be prepared with some form of plan I suppose.”
Katie turned to Steve, grinning, about to launch into a rendition of “Star Spangled Man with a Plan” but Steve gave her a filthy look, knowing full well what was going through her mind. She grinned at him innocently and he turned his attention back to Tony.
“Any news on the others?”
“Banner is due back at some point tomorrow. He’s at some kind of Scientist band camp…” Tony waved his hand. “Barton is on his way, but you already know that. As for Nat…well she said she’ll be here when she can…which just leaves Point Break to show, whenever he’s back from riding the rainbow road that is.”
“He’ll turn up.” Katie shrugged “If all else fails I’ll do what he told me to when we needed him.”
“Which was what?” Steve asked, looking at Katie, frowning. As if she knew how to contact him and hadn’t said anything…
“Stand on top of a tall building a shout.” she said, grinning. Steve gave a roll of his eyes as Tony snorted. “Although I think he may have been joking.”
“Maybe we should get him some kind of Bat Signal” Tony mused “but with a hammer instead of a bat.”
“No.” Katie shook her head and Tony pouted at her.
“Why do you always piss on my parade?”
“Because your parade is usually dumb. Look we’re gonna go upstairs and unpack a few things.”
“Sure.” Tony nodded. “Oh, happy said he’ll get your apartment in DC cleared over the next week, and I thought we could go for something to eat tonight. Do the whole…” he waved his hand in a circle motion as he looked back at the screen, “fmily thing.
“Sounds great.” Katie smiled, looking at Steve who nodded, thankful of something ‘normal’ to look forward to, and the pair of them made to leave.
“By the way, I renovated the living floors so your Penthouse has had a bit of a facelift.” Tony said. Katie stopped and turned to face him.
“What do you mean facelift?” She frowned “I liked my floor…”
“Yeah but when I did the rooms for everyone else they got new furniture so I ordered you some too. If you don’t like it you can change it, no big deal. I didn’t change the décor to much…I know how much of a princess you are about people touching your stuff”
“Princess here technically owns forty percent of this tower so…” She flicked him the finger and he rolled his eyes.
“Yeah yeah…there’s a spare suite for you anyway Spangles opposite Thor’s, you know, just in case you get pissed off with her. No one would blame you if you did…”
“You’re a dick.” She rolled her eyes at her brother and turned back towards the elevator.
In all fairness Katie did actually quite like the changes Tony had made. Her penthouse spanned the entire floor below Tony’s whilst everyone else shared a floor a couple of levels down with another Avenger. Perks of ownership, after all. There was a new coffee and cream coloured L shaped sofa in the room, a walnut coffee table replaced the glass one that had been there, and a brand new HD OLED TV adorned the wall opposite, along with a media system. A state of the art sound system was installed and the kitchen was completely new and had been knocked through to the dining area giving them a huge open plan space similar to the layout of the apartment in DC. There was frankly the biggest bed Steve had ever seen in the bedroom and the furniture was sleek, with a slightly smaller TV adorning the wall opposite the bed. The en-suite now sported his and hers sinks along with a double shower, a corner spa tub and there was a smaller bathroom just off the hallway along with another bedroom, a study and a balcony spanned the entire length of the floor, which was accessible from the main bedroom and the kitchen-diner. It overlooked the New York skyline and contained a small patio area and a hot-tub along with some outside furniture.  But true to his word, Tony had kept the colour scheme. Different shades of blue throughout the bedroom, steel grey in the kitchen and warm coffee and walnut colours in the lounge.
Steve loved it.
As promised, late that evening, the two of them accompanied Pepper and Tony out for dinner. They had gone to Anatolia’s, an Italian restaurant on the outskirts of Brooklyn much to Steve’s delight. It had been a really nice evening, the 4 drinking and eating far too much but as Tony had pointed out, things were about to get a little bit crazy so who knew when the next time they would get chance to relax and socialise was.
“Other than your 30th that is.” he said, looking at Katie over his wine.
“So there is something planned…” she grinned.
“Maybe.” Steve shrugged. Oh, he had something planned alright. He’d spoken to Tony about it a week or so ago, the Inventor gleefully agreeing with his idea.
“Man, my little sis is turning 30 in 3 weeks…I feel so old.” Tony continued to grumble.
 “You are!” she teased.
“Yeah but not as old as your boyfriend…”
“Well done, you almost went a full evening without mentioning it.” Steve dead panned, folding his arms.
“You know he’s technically younger than me, Tones.” Katie said “
“What?” Steve looked at her, “How do you work that out.”
“You were born in July 1918 right, went into the ice in, what, March 1945?”
“Yeah…”
“Woke up in May 2012. So when you count how many years you spent actually awake and living, and not taking a cold nap, you’re really only 29 this time round.”
“So Captain America is your toy-boy?” Pepper giggled. Katie shrugged and took a sip of her wine as Tony and Steve looked at one another, both of them wearing expressions of bewilderment.
“Wait, does this mean we can throw a Happy 97 minus 67 party for Spangles next year?” Tony grinned and Steve let out a groan.
“See what you’ve done?” he looked at Katie with exasperation, and she just shrugged.
The night ended with a few drinks in a bar before a car picked them up and the couples both bid each other goodnight before going their separate ways
“That was proper pizza.” Steve said as they walked out of the elevator into their living area, the panel sliding in place leaving the door hidden.
Katie laughed as JARVIS gently flipped on the ambient lighting.  “Well you certainly enjoyed it…getting through 2”
“Yeah, think the last 3 slices were a mistake” he mumbled as she headed into the kitchen. “They’re sitting in me like a brick.”
“Awwww poor baby!” she mocked thickly. “Getting so old you can’t even have a few slices without indigestion.”
“Hey, I’m younger than you, remember?” He laughed as Katie pulled 2 beers out of the fridge handing him one as she glided past him to flop onto the couch.
“I’m gonna regret pointing that out, aint i?” She laughed as Steve nodded.
*****
Katie had a meeting with her Editors and New Business department the next morning and Steve had a job of his own, a different mission that he was fucking nervous as hell about. He asked JARVIS where Tony was, who located him in the large, open plan main common room area of the tower, the one Loki and the Hulk had decimated 2 years previously.
“Tony you got a minute?”
“S'up Cap?”
Steve took a deep breath “I err…” his palms suddenly felt sweaty. “You know I love Katie and…" He cleared his throat before he looked Tony square in the eye, surprised to find the man watching him, warmth across his features.  “She’s the most important thing in my life, and I…well, I wanted to ask for your permission, to ask her to marry me.”
“My permission?” Tony quipped.
“Well I’d normally ask her dad but…”
Tony smiled and glanced down at hands before he looked back at the blonde haired man stood besides him. “You gonna do better than a ‘we can get married if you want’ outside your apartment door?”
Steve let out a sigh and shook his head “she told you about that?”
“In the hospital” Tony smiled.
“Not my finest moment” Steve rubbed at his temple.
“Oh I dunno.” Tony said pushing off the front of the Bar area where he had been leaning. “Given the fact you were inches from death she was pretty upset at the fact she told you to come back with a Tiffany special…”
Steve smiled.
“You got one yet?” Tony asked. “A ring I mean.”
“No.” Steve shook his head.
“Well it just so happens I know one of the consultants at Tiffany.” Tony smiled, and Steve looked at him, his face creeping into a smile as he knew that this was Tony’s confirmation he was giving him his blessing. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll make a call.“
The two men looked at one another, sharing a silent moment of respect before Tony reached out with his hand and Steve shook it, a shit-eating-grin spreading across his handsome features.
“Oh fuck this, come on Spangles, bring it in. I’m secure enough in my sexuality to hug another man.” Tony sniffed, and Steve stood up off the bar stool with a chuckle, the men exchanging a quick embrace, punctuated by a lot of back slapping.
“For what it’s worth…” Tony smiled as he stepped back, his eyes shining with emotion. “You make her happy, you treat her right, you put her first and I’ve never seen anyone metaphorically slap her back into place as well as you do….sorry, lot of dust in here…” he wiped at his suddenly watering eyes, water that may or may not have been tears before he took a breath and looked at Steve again “I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather grant permission to.”
Steve smiled, his own eyes shining with emotion.
“And I’m pretty sure you’d have gotten it off dad too.” Tony nodded at him and Steve looked at the floor for a second before he glanced back up at him, taking a deep breath.
“Thank you Tony.”
*****
“What is this?” Thor’s voice was loud. “I can’t see them…”
“No you turn it…hang on”  The 4 Avengers in the lab looked at one another, Tony grinning from ear to ear as Jane was trying to explain how to use the video call facility on her phone.
“He’s worse than you!” He grinned up at Steve who merely rolled his eyes as Bruce stifled a grin.
Eventually Thor’s face, or rather his left nostril filled their screen and all of them urged him to move the phone away. Finally he did so, and his handsome face beamed down at us all.
“Greetings!” he smiled “It is good to see you all again, Little Stark you look as radiant as ever.” “Thanks Thor!” Katie laughed as besides her Steve bristled a little bit. 
“Jane says you need my help.”
“Yeah, we got a job Point Break.” Tony said.
“Is this to do with SHIELD and Hydra?” the God’s deep voice rumbled.
“You know about that?” Katie asked.
“Of course, it was all over the news. I watch that now, with Jane” he said, a glint in his eyes, “But that reminds me, I have a bone to pick with both you and the Captain…”
Steve frowned and looked at Katie, the pair of them sharing a glance before they looked back at the screen.
 “I saw you both on the television fighting SHIELD alongside the Birdman…” Thor continued, ignoring Katie and Steve’s laughter as they both thought of Sam’s face if he could hear that nickname, “Why didn’t you call me? You know how much I love fighting.”
“They didn’t send for me either…” Tony said, putting his hand up.
“Call you, do you have a cell phone?” Katie looked at Thor.
“No, what for?”
She didn’t reply, instead she looked away trying not to laugh at the perplexed look on the God’s face
“We have a lot of loose ends to tie up.” Steve spoke, steering the conversation back to the purpose in hand. “Not all of Hydra went down when we took SHIELD out.”
Thor’s face split into a grin. “More fighting?”
“More fighting.” Tony said, as Banner let out a small sigh.
“Why is there always fighting?”
They explained the basics of what was going on to Thor, before he promised to join them as soon as he could and then Banner headed off to shower and to unpack following his trip.
“I’m going to head to the office for a few hours.” Katie said. Steve nodded.
“Tony and I have stuff to do.” he said simply, but met her gaze with a passive one of his own as she glanced at him, arching her eyebrow.
“Ohh…I get it…” she grinned, “You’re sorting my birthday surprise. Cute.” As she turned to go she walked straight into the desk behind her, jabbing the corner harshly into her thigh.
“You alright?” Steve asked, trying but failing to hide the chuckle in his voice at her clumsiness.
“Thanks for your genuine concern.” She grumbled, instantly rubbing where the sharp corner had dug into her. “Shit, that hurt…Jesus fucking Christ…”
"Ooooh, hey. You kiss Spangles with that mouth?” Tony raised an eyebrow at her
“Yes, Tony, I kiss him all over with that mouth.” She glared at him as she rubbed her thigh. “Every inch of –”
Tony clapped his hands over his ears. “Lalalalalalalalala! I can’t hear you!”
Once Katie was out of earshot, Tony turned to Steve “You get it?”
He nodded, holding up his mother’s ring that he had managed to slip of when Katie was sleeping.
“Alright, let’s go.”
They drove the short distance into Manhatten, and Tony parked his car up in a private space behind the department store they were visiting. Steve followed him into the store where they were greeted by a small, grey haired mousy looking man dressed in an immaculate 3 piece suit.
“Mr Stark, Captain Rogers.”
“Hi Robert.” Tony smiled at him, clapping Steve on the shoulder “Take good care of him, he’s shitting himself.”
Steve sighed and shook his head but the inventor had already wandered off to the other side of the store, examining something in one of the glass cases.
“It’s perfectly understandable to be nervous, it’s a big thing.” Robert smiled, gesturing for Steve to follow him. He did, as they walked across the store to a small room at the back. Steve walked in and dropped into a seat. “So, do you have anything specific in mind?” 
Steve took a deep breath, “Something elegant, but flashy enough to be special, I’ve no idea really, other than she prefers white gold to yellow.”
Robert smiled at him, “White gold or platinum. Ok. Any idea on the cut of diamond?”
“Princess.” Steve said, smiling. That he did know, from way before they were even dating.
“Oh my god!” Katie said, looking at the gossip magazine Natasha was reading, as Steve peered up at them from the seat behind his desk. “That’s fucking hideous.”
Natasha snorted “20 carat apparently.”
“Who the fuck needs a 20 carat ring?” Katie shook her head.
“I dunno, not something Tony would buy for Pepper?”
“Nah he isn’t that tacky.” she shook her head “And I’d kick his ass, it’s so…garish.”
“I don’t think the cut helps” Nat said, holding the magazine up “It’s a Brilliant, so looks a bit..”
“Shit?” Katie offered and the girls laughed “Seriously, if I ever have a man who’s ready to propose you better tell him it’s Princess or bust…”
He and Robert chatted for a few moments, Steve assuring him that the budget was healthy, whilst the man headed off into the store and came back with a few options set on a blue velvet tray of sorts. Steve’s eyes were instantly drawn to one in the middle. It was held a large diamond and was set into an elaborate clasp which melted into the band which was studded with smaller diamonds.
“Ahh yes.” Robert smiled as Steve picked it up “That’s one of my favourites. It’s a Tiffany Novo…”
“Sorry, did you say Nova?” Steve’s head jerked up, a smile on his face.
“Novo, Captain.”
Close enough Steve thought as he grinned.
“Princess cut with a Pave set Diamond band in platinum. That one’s a 2.05 carat, but we can do it smaller.”
“No, this one is perfect.” Steve smiled, looking at him.
“Well, that was easy…” Robert quipped and Steve nodded, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah…” he let out a chortle of a laugh, “you had me at Novo.”
Robert frowned, but didn’t ask for an explanation. “That one there is Sixty-Six thou…”
“Holy shit.” Steve exclaimed, before hastily apologising for his outburst. He knew he had said he had a decent budget but…
“However, Captain, seeing as it’s you, I can shave twenty percent off that, leave my commission.” he man smiled as Steve began to protest “And offer you a further ten percent for Tony being a regular customer.”
“I couldn’t…”
“You guys saved my daughter’s life in New York.” Robert looked at him, smiling softly “She was in the bank.”
Steve took a deep breath and shrugged, a faint flush on his cheeks. “Just doing my job.”
“So am I. So we’ll call it forty, and I’ll throw in an extra eighteen months care package. So she can bring it in to be cleaned, repaired should anything happen to it over the next three years.”
Steve hesitated, it was a lot of money. He knew he had enough, more than enough. His wages from SHIELD had been generous, plus his Army back pay that Katie and Fury had secured for him had been piling up and earning interest, but he still wasn’t used to being able to just flash it around. Plus now he wasn’t technically earning either…but the more he looked at it, the more he just knew it was right. 
And she was worth far more to him than anything money could buy.
“I’ll take it.” He nodded, decision made.
He handed Robert his Ma’s ring, which Katie had had resized to fit properly and Robert nodded, smiling as he slid it onto a measuring cone.
“You’re in luck Captain. We have one that size in stock so you can take it away today. Whilst we’re here, would you like me to give this one a polish?”
“Oh, err, yeah, great.”
He shook hands with the man and headed back into the store where Tony was now leaning over a cabinet, talking to a blonde haired assistant. He pointed at a necklace with an obscene price tag, and she nodded, picking it up and turning around.
“Something for Pep.” he said, gesturing to the gift as he nodded at Steve. “You know, just because.” he frowned “That was fast.”
“Found the perfect one.” Steve smiled “It’s called a Novo”
“Nova?” Tony looked at him, eyebrow raising as he smirked.
“No, Novo…although that’s what I heard too at first.” Steve laughed.
“Huh.” Tony said, as Robert approached them. He opened the box he was holding and reached in for the ring, setting it down on a velvet tray again to show to the men. It was even brighter in the store lights than in the room. Steve heard Tony whistle at the side of him.
“That’s a rock and a half Cap.”
“She’s worth it.” he shrugged, simply. “I just hope she likes it.”
“If she doesn’t we can exchange.” Robert said, as he finished his inspection and after making himself happy the ring was perfect he boxed it up and handed it to Steve in a Tiffany bag.
“Cap, you could propose with a ring pull and she’d say it was perfect.” Tony smiled.
“Now you tell me.” Steve said, handing over his credit card.
*******
“Shit, shit, shit…” Katie was panicking. Her ring was gone. Steve’s Ma’s ring. The one he had given to her at Christmas. The only real thing he had of his mom left. She’d ransacked the bedroom, living room, her office. “No,no…”
She made her way back into the kitchen, looking everywhere, before she headed into the bathroom. Nothing. She collapsed onto the closed toilet seat, her head in her hands as she began to cry when she heard the elevator door open.
Steve stopped as he walked into the living room, frowning at the utter chaos that greeted him. Cushions were all over the place, drawers in the large unit were flung open. Immediately he went on the defensive, knowing it was ridiculous as there was no way anyone could have gotten in here, but still…
“Katie?” he called. Katie’s head jerked up and she wiped her eyes
“Bathroom.” she said back, and he could tell from her tone something was wrong.
“Doll, what’s going on?” He strode into the bedroom and then stepped into the large en-suite. She’d been crying. “Baby?” he crouched in front of her.
“I…I’m so sorry…” Her voice cracked. “But your mom’s ring… I can’t…”
Steve felt a sudden pang of guilt, she was distraught, thinking she had lost it. He hadn’t thought of that.
“No, sweetheart, it’s ok, I’ve got it.”
“You do?” she frowned.
“Yeah.” he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled it out. “I was looking at it when you were asleep last night and thought it could do with a bit of a clean-up so I took it off and Tony took me to a place Pepper takes hers…”
Katie looked at the ring, before she felt her anger simmer over.
“You complete ass Steven Grant Rogers!” she yelled, hitting him in the chest “I’ve spent the last 3 hours out of my mind with worry…”
“I know, I should have told you but I wanted it to be a surprise.” Steve lied, hoping to god for once she wouldn’t see through it “I’m so sorry!”
She snatched it off him, returning it to its home and she glared at him, before looking down at it.
“Well, it does look nice and shiny” she said, admiring it and Steve let out a sigh of relief “Don’t touch my stuff.”
“Your stuff?” he looked at her as she wiped at her face.
“Yes, my stuff.” she repeated petulantly. “You gave it to me, remember. It’s mine.”
He was about to laugh and call her a brat, when there was a loud clap of thunder and a flashing of bright white light, punctuated by various rainbow colours, outside the bedroom window and they both turned their heads to look at it.
“Thor!” Katie said, jumping up and beaming.
“Am I forgiven?” Steve asked, rising to his feet. She turned and looked at him, rolling her eyes at the injured puppy dog eyes he was giving her.
“Pull another stunt like that again and I’m imposing a sex ban for a week.”
“Yes Ma’am.” he grinned, giving her a peck on the lips.
****
Thor’s arrival spurred the Avengers into getting down to some real planning, and when Clint arrived that day too, bringing with him the news that Natasha would be with them by the middle of June- she was on some kind of trip with Fury-those of them present began to take all the information they had, planning their first raid on one of the uncovered Hydra bases, this one being on the outskirts of Seattle.
“Your call Cap.”  Tony looked at Steve, his jaw was twitching as he turned over the pros and cons of hitting the base whilst they were still one down on the team. Eventually he made his decision and looked around the team.
 Suit up…” he said, straightening up “Wheels up in 20”
Behind him Banner groaned.
He needn’t have worried though, there was no need for a code green. In fact, it was a bit of a damp squib. There were minimum guards to take out and all in all it was relatively easy. There were also no computers, just a truck load of paper files which they meticulously boxed up and loaded onto the jet.
Over the next two weeks they hit the remaining unknown basis that they had discovered, and every one of them was the same. They were clearly never used as main strongholds, more like storage facilities if anything. Steve was frustrated, Katie knew that. But as she and Tony pointed out to him, they had a hell of a lot of information to comb through. They liaised with Fury, who had nothing new to add, other than that he would be in touch if his team needed help about the remaining bases in Europe.
As such they spent most of their time filtering through the information they had gotten from the bases, along with the boxes of files that Fury and Hill had pulled from SHIELD. Banner and Katie (when she wasn’t working) set up a simple filing system as they went along, cataloguing each bit of paper information so they knew where to find it in future, and could add to it as they went along.
There wasn’t much to go on, they didn’t find any new information, and nothing on Bucky, but there was one name that continued to crop up time and time again.
“Baron Von Strucker…” Katie said to the team which was congregated in the lab. “I’ve gone through the information available, including what was dumped on the internet when we released all the files…it isn’t pretty reading.”
Clint lounged with his feet up on the desk munching some popcorn. He offered it round and Tony took a hand full.
“Not likely to be where Hydra is involved.” he said, leaning against a desk, chucking the popcorn in his mouth.
Steve who had been flicking through a file clucked slightly with his tongue and shook his head “Says here he trained with Jasper Sitwell at the Preparatory Academy.”
Tony began choking and at first Katie thought it was reaction to the fact that Hydra had an academy but she soon realised, as he was pointing at Clint with a disgusted expression on his face that it was the popcorn. She grinned- Clint like his popcorn laced with cayenne pepper.
“What is wrong with butter and salt?” Tony gasped as Clint explained what was on the corn through his laughter. Thor reached over curiously and took a handful before declaring, much to Clint’s annoyance, that he enjoyed the spicy snack.
“He had his fingers in a lot of SHIELD pies” Katie continued “He was running the SHIELD STATION, which is the Scientific Training and Tactical Intelligence Operative Network, an R&D facility which was established to conduct investigations on the material retrieved from the ground during the battle of New York, you know, the shit Fury said he had destroyed?”
“Alright.” Steve nodded “Dig up what you can on it and then we’ll go from there. From the sounds of it he seems like the one we should be focussing on.”
Katie nodded.
“But not tonight.” Tony said, looking at Steve “I think we deserve a break, especially seeing as it’s someone’s 30th tomorrow.”
The room cheered and Katie rolled her eyes “Yeah yeah…don’t remind me.”
*****
Katie woke the next morning to soft kisses peppering the side of her neck and a deep burn growing at her centre as she was slowly pulled to consciousness. She let out a low moan and felt the lips at her throat spread into a sly smile
“You dreaming about me?” her Soldier whispered.
She bit her lip, arching her back and leaned into him as his hand splayed on her stomach, pulling her closer before she felt his fingers sliding down gently to the space between her legs. She didn’t say a word, she couldn’t. It was all she could do to simply groan as he gently pushed two fingers inside her, before he moved to massaging her spot. She pulled her legs together suddenly, thighs tightening as the muscles in her core clenched.
“You want more?” he asked, voice slow and deep.
She nodded eagerly, moving so that she was lay on her back and finally opened her eyes.
Steve gently moved, so his knee was positioned between her legs, sliding his T-shirt over her head before one hands moved up her body, tracing her ribs before he started to caress her breast, the other fingers continued to stroke inside, making her groan more and more. He placed a soft kiss on her jawline and smiled at her.
“Happy birthday, Gorgeous.”
His words undid her, and she let out a sound that was halfway between a gasp and a squeal, feeling for him under the sheets “Steve…” Every inch of her was on fire and he wanted him. “Please…” she begged, her voice catching as he moved over on top of her fully, shoving his boxers down and she let out a long shaky moan as he entered her.
“Good?” he asked, his breath a whisper and she nodded eagerly as he began to move. His thrusts were slow but deep and powerful, every roll of his hips sent his pelvis rocking up against her spot.
It didn’t take long at all, she was so close already and Steve watched her face, not wanting to miss the moment.
“Fuck…” Her head completely dropped backwards as her core spasmed again and then she came, hard, her orgasm rolling over her in such a way it had her clinging to Steve, crying out a strangled cry as he too reached his peak, her name tumbling from his lips.
The minutes passed as they lay curled in silence, completely blissed out and relaxed, hearing only each other’s gradually steadying breaths.
Steve’s hand gently stroked the arm that was draped over his abdomen before he gently moved her to one side, sitting up. He had things to do.
“Hey…” she began to protest before he smiled.
“I’m going to make you breakfast”
“You are?”
“Of course, it’s your birthday” He chuckled, from the edge of the bed where he was pulling on a pair of sweats.
"Pancakes,” she muttered hopefully.
He laughed. “Yup,” he said before lowering his lips onto hers. They shared a long, deep kiss that left them grinning like idiots as he pulled away, hopping off the bed and pulling on a t-shirt before leaving the room.
Katie stretched out and glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. It was half 9. A perfectly reasonable time to wake up on her birthday. And the best bit was, she had an entire day of being a spoilt birthday brat ahead of her! Steve was taking her to Coney Island in the afternoon, he had been dying to take her back to Brooklyn for ages and they’d picked today to go after the team had decided to take a break from the non-stop research and missions. Then later in the evening there was some form of meal booked, although where she had absolutely no idea. She’d been trying to catch everyone out about it for weeks but failed, miserably.
She was just about to get out of bed and into the shower when she heard her phone vibrating on the nightstand beside her bed. She reached over for it, and rolled her eyes. It was Tony.
“Happy birthday kiddo! How does it feel to be officially old?”
“You still got fourteen years on me, you dick!” she said, grinning before she yawned slightly “Why are you ringing me when you’re, what? A floor away?”
“Wasn’t sure if you’d be up or not.”
“Well there’s no worries on that account as for my birthday Steve got me a new alarm clock.”
“An alarm clock?” Tony said, his tone flat
“Yeah.” she said, biting her lip as she fought to keep myself from laughing “His penis.”
There was a pause “That’s gross.” Tony groaned and Katie laughed as he continued to complain “I mean it’s bad enough knowing that you two…you know, without being given some form of mental image like that…”
“Oh quit your whining!” she grinned “When you bringing me my present?”
“Ah well, you’ll have to come get it, it’s a bit big.”
“Big?” I said “It’s not a 16 foot teddy bear is it?”
It was his turn to laugh “No, although, speaking of big, stuffed animals, what did Cap actually get you?”
“You’re hilarious, and I’ve no idea. He’s making me breakfast at the moment.”
 “More sausage?” he said sardonically.
“Pancakes, actually” she replied “Which is why I need to go and have a shower before he eats them all himself…”
“Alright, come up when you’re ready…” he said. “Not going anywhere…”
By the time she made her way into the large open plan living area, Steve had already completed 2 stacks of pancakes (his miles bigger than hers), a plate of bacon and was just setting 2 glasses of orange juice down on the breakfast bar in front of the 2 plates. He looked up and smiled, she was dressed casually for a day at the fair, tight jeans, boots and long white top, over which she wore an open beige half-sleeved cardigan, and her hair was pulled up into a high, messy pony tail. She looked beautiful as ever.
“You look lovely.” He said, pressing a kiss to the side of her head as she sat down. “So, how does it feel to be old?” He could barely get the words out without laughing, and she simply shook her head at his poor attempt at a joke
“You’re such a jerk!” She rolled her eyes, as he grinned.
They ate breakfast, and then like the big child she was she demanded to know where her presents were so Steve took her hand and led her into the living room where they were laid out on the coffee table.
She opened her gifts one by one, a few items of clothing, a pair of earrings, a new set of wireless earphones that she had mused over buying and then decided not to, a gorgeous white and rose gold diamond bracelet and a leather bound edition of the Wizard of Oz book to replace the one she had lost in Malibu.
“I saw that and couldn’t resist.” He grinned, as she grinned back “oh and here…”
This was the big one. He held out the envelope and Katie looked at him, gently taking it before she slid a finger under the top to rip it open. Steve watched as she pulled out the piece of paper and for the second time that morning her mouth dropped open in surprise. It was a print out of an itinerary leaving the 30th November and returning on the 14th December, with the locations being cities in Europe- Munich, Paris, Venice, Bruges, Dublin and London.
“2 nights in each…3 in London” Steve said as she glanced up at him, unable to speak “I didn’t know what else to do and I know you’ve wanted to go back to Europe for ages, and how much you love Christmas and the markets and stuff…”
“Oh my god, Steve… ” She glanced down at the paper, finally finding her voice. “This is amazing! I don’t know what to say.” Steve felt the familiar pink tinge growing around his cheeks before she threw her arms around him, “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
He smiled and then kissed her head before he pulled away. “Shall we go and see what outrageously flashy present Tony has for you?”
“Do you know what is is?” she asked.
“I might do…” he smiled as she stood up. There was no might about it. He knew what it was. And he knew she was going to lose her shit about it.
The two of them made their way up to Tony’s main living floor, her hand in his.
“You now I’m excited to finally take you to Coney Island.” He smiled as the door to the elevator shut.
“Excited?”
"Yeah, it’s just I watched Bucky take so many dates around there and I spent most of my time wondering when I was gonna’ get to take my own gal.” He admitted, bashfully.
"God, you’re adorable,” she smiled at him as the doors opened.
“Happy birthday!” Both Tony and Pepper chimed and she grinned, stepping out and into Pepper’s arms before Tony swept her into a hug.
“Well I don’t see any huge stuffed toys so…” she looked around and Pepper snorted.
“I talked him out of it.”
Tony handed her a small box and Katie looked at him.
“This isn’t big.”
“Brat.” Tony rolled his eyes and she smirked. She pulled the ribbon of the box, took the lid off and stared at the content inside. And as it dawned on her what it was she looked up at him, then to Steve, who was watching her, an amused expression on her face, then back at the box her eyes wide.
“You didn’t?” she looked up at her brother, her mouth dropping open.
Tony shrugged “Well you buried your Range Rover and gave away the Audi so…”
She looked at him for a split second before she squealed, threw herself at her brother and then turned on her heels, running.
Steve and Tony both watched her go before they turned to one another and followed her.
“You ready?” Tony asked.
“As I’ll ever be.” Steve nodded.
“Huh.” Tony nodded.
“Ready for what?” Pepper asked.
“Oh, they’re going to Coney Island.” Tony said as they headed down in the elevator, waving away her question.
Way ahead of them Katie burst into the parking lot and skidded to a halt. There, in all its glory was her own brand new Chevrolet Camero Exorcist, the car she had dreamed of since she was a teenager. It was gorgeous. Deep blue with cream leather interior. She unlocked it and sat in the driver’s seat, taking in the smell. The head rests were stitched with the Stark Industries logo and the dash was awash with every single button and function you could imagine.
“Fire it up.” a voice said, and Tony looked at her through the open driver’s side door. She did as she was told and grinned at the beautiful growling noise it made and squealed, feeling the leather of the steering wheel.
She turned to Steve who was stood leaning slightly on the door watching her.
“Hop in soldier!” she grinned, and he smirked, walking to the passenger side.
“Have fun…” Tony said, before he turned to Steve and looked at him, giving him a significant nod and a clap on the shoulder. Steve smiled back and then sank into the leather seat. He had to admit the car was nice. Katie pulled out of the space and gave a groan that was far too arousing than it should have been.
“Oh my god…” she murmured, as she pulled onto the street. The car purred and handled like a dream. As she put her foot down it sped forward, throwing them both back in the seat.
“Easy baby!” Steve chuckled as she laughed, speeding over Brooklyn Bridge. “You’re gonna get a ticket…”
She shrugged, not actually caring at that point.
*****
Steve wound up, pitching the ball which sliced through the bottles on the stall diagonally, knocking them completely off their pedestal and sending the ball through the back of the canvas booth as it ripped a hole clean through it. Steve bit his lip, not realising how hard he had thrown it and turned to look at Katie. She was doubled over, laughing at the look on his face, and then laughed even harder at the expression on the attendants face as he glanced from Steve to the bottles on the floor, to the hole in the canvas and back again.
“Which one do you want?” Steve asked, placing his arm around her as the attendant indicated for her to pick a toy.
“I think I’ll have that one…” she said, pointing to a brown bear that was dressed in a Captain America outfit, complete with helmet and shield.
Steve shot her a look and she held out her hands, protesting her innocence. “What?”
“Good choice ma’am” the attendant said, handing over the bear “He’s an all American hero is our Captain.”
“That he is.” She grinned “He’s incredibly handsome too I believe.” 
Steve cut her off as he thanked the man before steering her away as he checked his watch. They had about an hour before they needed to get back. 
“Come on, let’s take a walk.”
He led them both down to the sea front, pausing to get a hot dog each, and they walked, eating in comfortable silence. The sun was still warm in the sky, the sea was by their side and Katie was lost in her own little world until she realised Steve wasn’t besides her. She turned to look for him, wondering where he was and then spotted him a few yards behind her, crouched on one knee on the well-worn wooden slats of the boardwalk.
“I told you I was gonna ask you properly one day.” He cleared his throat, looking up at her with those blue eyes she loved so much as he held out his hand, opening the small box that was inside. The sun bounced off the surface of the ring and she couldn’t see it fully but she clamped her hands over her mouth. “I know we were a little too late to be each other’s firsts, well in some ways anyway…” he said, and Katie let out a choked giggle. “But I want all my lasts to be with you. Will you marry me, sweetheart?”
“And I told you I’d say yes one day!” She said, her voice cracking with emotion as she removed her hands shakily from her mouth and nodded. “Yes. Yes of course I’ll marry you.”
A few of the by-standers who had been watching started cheering as Steve jumped up, everything around him bar his girl faded to nothing as she threw herself into his arms. He picked her up, laughing like an idiot, his strong arms round her as he twirled her round, the pair of them sharing fast, rapid dizzying pecks on the lips as he held her off the floor. Eventually he set her on her feet, an utterly stupid grin plastered on his face as he looked at her, a grin that wasn’t going to fade any time soon.
“Do I errr have to put it on myself?” She spluttered a laugh, raising an eyebrow.
“What, oh, yeah, right…” he said, stepping back and removing the ring from its home, fumbling slightly before he managed to get it out, holding it in his right hand, but before he could do anything else she grabbed his left hand which contained the box before he could slip it back into his pocket.
“You bought me a Tiffany?” She almost shrieked as she looked at the distinctive blue-green box in her hand.
“Yeah, and if you give me a second you can see it.” Steve chuckled at her. Biting her lip she held out her left hand and he slid the ring onto her finger and she let out a loud gasp.
“Stevie, it’s beautiful.” She whispered, looking at it before she took his face in both her hands. “I love it.”
“I love you.” he murmured into their kiss. He grinned and dropped and arm round her shoulder as they made their way back down the boardwalk, back to the car, Katie’s eyes almost permanently transfixed on her ring.
“You definitely like it?” Steve asked, suddenly feeling nervous as he nodded to her hand
“It’s perfect, but how did you know?” she looked up at him as they reached the other side of the road
“Do the words, ‘big, fuck off Tiffany diamond’ ring any bells?” he looked at her, referencing their conversation outside his flat a few months ago.
“Not about the tiffany.” she shook her head “But the cut. It’s a princess one, the one I’ve always wanted.
“I have a good memory” he smiled, “And I picked that particular one because its a design called a Novo. I thought he said Nova at first.”
Katie laughed as she snaked her arms round his neck. “For the record, this was much a much better proposal than we can get married if you want….”
“Are you ever gonna let me forget that?” he sighed as he leaned down.
“I think you’ve redeemed yourself…” she said as her lips met his.
****
“Tony suggested we have a drink before we meet everyone.” Steve stepped into the elevator and Katie looked at him before she smoothed down her white dress.
“So where are we meeting everyone?”
“It’s a surprise, stop being so impatient.”
“Errr. You can’t tell me off, it’s my birthday.”
“Well stop asking so many questions and just enjoy your night!”
She didn’t get chance to reply as then the elevator doors opened onto the main party floor and there was a loud eruption of noise, making Katie jump.
“SURPRISE!”
Her mouth dropped open as she looked around the room. It was decorated in banners, balloons, and now paper streamers from the party poppers that had just been exploded by their friends. Clint, Thor, Bruce, Rhodey, Sam, Maria Hill, Tony, Pepper, Lawson, Evans, a whole host of people that worked in the offices and a familiar copper haired assassin stepped forward to greet her.
“Miss me?” Nat quipped.
 “I can’t…” Katie began to speak, as she hugged her friend back “Oh my God…”
“JARVIS can you record this?” she heard Tony speak. “For this is a monumental occasion. She’s actually speechless…”
Katie turned to look at Steve who had been watching her reaction with a smile on his face. He loved seeing her happy, and he was pretty sure he’d managed to achieve that several times over during the day.
“Did you organise this?” she asked
“Why do you sound so surprised?” he chuckled, stepping forward to kiss her cheek “I had a little help but yeah, it was my idea. Happy Birthday baby.”
Before she could reply Natasha suddenly spoke very loudly. 
“What is that?”
“What?” Katie asked, although she knew full well what Natasha was talking about.
“Errrr that?” She grabbed at Katie’s left hand.
The room fell silent.
“What does it look like?” Katie grinned at her
“Holy fucking shit.” Steve heard Clint chuckle as he slid his arm round his fiancées waist and the two of them exchanged a smile.
“We’re getting married” Steve grinned, finally tearing his eyes from Katie to look round the room. There was a pause and he locked eyes with Tony who winked at him before there was a flurry of noise and activity as everyone surged forward to congratulate them.
Tony reached them first and the two men shared a manly hug, which included lots of back slapping before he dropped a kiss to his sister’s cheek as Katie felt a hand grab hers. Natasha scrutinised her newest piece of jewellery before she looked up at Steve.
“You picked that all by yourself?” she looked up at Steve.
“I’m not completely useless” he rolled his eyes.
“I’m impressed Rogers,”
Sam clapped Steve on his back and as the two men began to banter, Tony pulled his sister into his side.
“Congratulations Kiddo.” He said, looking down at her hand “Looks even better on.”
“You’ve seen it?” She frowned.
“I may or may not have taken him to Tiffany’s…” Tony shrugged. “But I promise he picked it all by himself”
“So you knew he was gonna ask me?”
“He asked my permission.” Tony sniffed. “Well I might not be Dad but…”
Katie noticed his eyes were shining and she smiled at him as he continued.
“I want you to know,” Tony’s voice cracked slightly “I couldn’t be prouder of you, or love you more if you were my own.”
 “Stop it, you’re making me cry!” Katie exclaimed, the tears in her own eyes gently spilling out as he pulled her into huge hug and she pressed her face into his chest. Eventually she stepped back, the pair of them wiping their eyes and Tony took the opportunity of a distraction, turning to a waiter.
Steve, who had been watching the two siblings saw the emotional exchanged and he stepped forward, as Tony was yelling about champagne for a toast.
“You alright?” Steve asked, gently wiping a tear off her cheek before he slipped his arms around her waist.
“Never been happier.” she beamed, honestly, her hands winding round his neck “ I know I said last year was the best birthday ever but this has smacked it straight out of the park.”
“Glad to hear it.” he smiled, leaning down to kiss her “I love you.”
“God job, seeing as I’m gonna be your wife.” she teased, her hand tangling in the back of his hair.
“Yeah…” he said, the shit eating grin spreading across his face again as he contemplated the words. His wife. “Yeah, you are”
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Chapter 19
**Original Posting**
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meltwonu · 4 years
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| caffeine |     [chapter 1]
pairing; fratboy!wonwoo x female!reader
this chapter’s notes;  some smut, mild degradation. (some art history bs cuz I, in actuality, am a nerd) can I get a yeehaw! we’re finally kickin’ this off~ this is mostly just the lead up with some mild touchin’ but you know how it is~ thank you all for being so patient! can't wait to get the next chapter out 💕 
chapters; 1 - x - x - x - x
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It’s 10:48am when Mingyu all but begs you to return his art history books on Dadaism back to the campus library. You give him 4 sentences to explain why you should be the one to do it; the tall male whining that he’s already late for his exam on Baroque art.
“Can you not be a bitch for 4 seconds, please? I’m literally begging you and I know for a fact you need to get books on that fuckin’ art and gender course so don’t play me like you’re not heading there anyway!” Mingyu shoves his books into your arms, adjusting the messenger bag on his shoulder.
“I swear after the rager on friday, I’ll take you out to get those mochi donuts on saturday, okay? I gotta go!”
He gives you no time to respond, jetting off to his already-late exam. You roll your eyes, adjusting the books in your arms as you begin the trek to the library. Mingyu was a friend that you’d met in your Intro to Photography class with Minghao, another mutual friend of yours. Both of them were no-doubt handsome and insanely educated when it came to art and art history but both of them were also part of the SVT House; one of the most notorious frat houses on Greek Row. They threw parties every other week, inviting the entire campus to show up if the cops didn’t show up first. Mingyu had invited you to a few in the past but you’d always decline; citing that you rather not be around when the cops showed up. You always wondered how Minghao dealt with being in a frat house knowing he typically hated loud parties and huge crowds of strangers.
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When you finally get to the library, you struggle with the door, the damned books making it difficult for you to pull the handle open. A kind soul helps you out, a small ‘thank you’ leaving your lips before you make a beeline for the receptionist desk to return Mingyu’s books. Noticing a different male there than the usual librarian, you quirk a brow.
“Um, hello?” He spares you a glance, closing a few windows on the computer he was working on before he walks over to your side of the table. You take in his features; sharp eyes, silvery blue hair, wire frame glasses, pressed white shirt under an argyle printed sweater vest tucked into beige pressed chinos. He looked like a stereotypical version of what most people would think a librarian looked like but also had the features of a high class model. You were sure you’d seen him around, probably when you’d run into Mingyu or Minghao between classes.
“Yes, can I help you?” Fuck, you think, his voice is hot too. You can feel your body heating up just from his voice alone and you take a second to recover, stuttering as you set the books down on the counter.
“Y-yeah, um, I--uh, just wanted to return these books? That’s all.”
Cursing under your breath for stuttering, you miss the way his lips quirk up into a small smile.
“Sure, let me just scan these in.” You opt to just nod, saving yourself from any further fuck ups with talking as you watch him grab the scanner.
“Hmm, it says Mingyu borrowed these books. Can I ask why you’re returning these and not himself?”
“O-oh, we’re friends. He was late to his art exam and I needed to do some work here so… figured I’d just return them for him since he’s already suffering.” He laughs, sliding the books off the counter and placing them on the return cart for later.
“I don’t see why he didn’t just give them to me this morning but I guess the beer pong from last night must’ve been the reason for him being late.” You sigh, “I knew there’d be a stupid reason he’d be late for his exam. Anyway, thanks for helping me…?” You leave the question open ended, wanting to get his name before you disappeared to one of the empty study rooms. He smiles at you again, dusting off his hands on his neatly pressed pants.
“Hi, my name’s Wonwoo. I volunteer here at the campus library every day from 10am to about 2pm. If you need anything, just let me know!” He shakes your hand, eyes twinkling as he gives you a quick up and down from behind the receptionist desk. You give him your name; watching him as he whispers it under his breath, lips tilting up into a warm and inviting smile.
“It’s nice to meet you. I hope we’ll get along well.”
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You hate the way the image of Wonwoo smiling at you is embedding into your eyelids while you try to work; the stupid essay sitting in front of you still blank even when you get up to look for materials on the course an hour and a half later. Checking the kiosk to find out where the said art and gender books were, you make your way through the bookshelves, not finding any of the books you were looking for. You contemplate for a second, wondering if you really want to go visit Wonwoo at the receptionist desk. Fuck it, you think, I’ll get my books and I swear I’ll finish this damn essay before I leave, it’s not just eye candy.
“Hey, Wonwoo?” He turns away from the return cart, adjusting his glasses as he walks over to you at the counter. “Yes, what can I do for you?”
“Um, I… it said the art and gender books were on the shelves but they weren’t, uh, there? Can you… check for me please?” He nods, sitting down at the computer while you recite the necessary info to him. Wonwoo jots down a few notes on a notepad, getting up and gesturing for you to follow him as he tears the sheet off.
“Sorry, I’m new here so we might get lost but I think they might’ve accidentally been shelved in the wrong section of the library.” He threads through different bookshelves, taking you deeper and deeper into the library until there’s hardly anyone around.
When he finally stops, you’re in a section of the library you don’t recognize, the emptiness mildly eerie as Wonwoo searches for the said books.
“Wanna give me a little snippet of what these books are about while we’re here?” He didn’t strike you as a small talk kind of person but you shrug behind him; you were already there, might as well.
“Um, it’s just, kind of how different genders consume and interpret the human form in art. Lots of it is old and outdated but it’s for an art course I’m taking right now. Y’kno, things like the ‘male gaze’ and stuff. I’m sure it’d bore you to death.” Wonwoo hums in acknowledgement, turning to face you as he slowly backs you up against the bookshelf. It takes you off guard as you hold your breath, eyes boring into the argyle print on his sweater vest.
“Interesting course you’re taking. I don’t think it’d bore me though, I’m quite enamoured with the female form.” You’re convinced if you breathed wrong, he’d feel it with how close he was. But he whispers a small ‘ah-hah’, his hand resting on the shelf next to your head as he pulls out a singular book. Wonwoo steps back, placing the book in your trembling hands.
“That’s one book, 3 more to find.”
He continues like that, his body in close proximity to yours the entire time you stand there, unsure of what to do. Wonwoo finds two more of your books, setting them on an empty shelf nearby as he checks his note for the last one. You mentally curse yourself for wearing a sundress to the library because you can feel the back of his hand grazing your thigh when he kneels on the floor next to you, hand placed on the shelf and eyes scanning for the damned book you don’t even care about anymore.
“Hmm, I can’t seem to find this last one. Weird. Maybe someone checked it out already and it got misscanned.”
“Oh, um, that’s fine, this should be g-good. I can check the shelf myself or something!”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind helping you out back here. I wouldn’t want you to do it alone, you know. Joshua should have already come in for his shift already anyway.” Wonwoo stands back up, his face close to your body as he towers above you. “Don’t you want my help? I don’t really offer it very often.” The suggestive tone in his voice has you clenching around nothing, already embarrassingly wet. You hope to a higher power that he can’t tell but something inside of you already knows that he’s aware of his affect on you.
“O-okay, please… please help me.”
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You swear you’ll finish your essay.
Right after Wonwoo finishes getting you off.
He touches you underneath your dress, fingers pressed firmly against the wet patch on your panties as you bite your lip to keep in your moans.
“You’ve only met me today and you’re already this wet for me? You’re such an easy little thing. Do you get this turned on just for anyone or am I doing that much damage to you?” It’s a rhetorical question, but Wonwoo waits patiently; wanting to hear your reply anyway. Under any other circumstances, you’d probably punch a guy that called you easy, but for some reason the way Wonwoo says it has you getting even wetter.
“I, mmh, don’t normally… d-do this I swear.” He has you pressed against the bookshelf, a leg slotted in between yours as he braces his other hand next to your head. Wonwoo’s thumb presses hard against your clit, the fabric of your panties adding extra friction as you grind down onto his hand. “Oh? So I am just that special, huh? Lucky me, I’ve got such a cute girl cumming in the palm of my hand.” He chuckles at his own joke, glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose ever so slightly.
Your hands dig into the fabric of his sweater vest, wanting nothing more than to just cum so you can go back to working on your essay and simultaneously dying of embarrassment that you got that turned on from a guy you’d just met a couple hours ago and he made you cum in some back part of the library.
“Wonwoo, can you… touch me harder, I’m really close...” You whisper. He hums, his fingertips grazing the hem of your panties.
“Harder? Or would you want my fingers instead? I wonder how many of them you could take before you’re begging me to just fuck you?” The juxtaposition of his words and his gentle touch is enough to send you over the edge, biting your lip to keep in any sounds that threaten to escape. He lets you ride out your orgasm before his hand is slipping from underneath your dress and he’s pulling away. Your dress slides back down into place, not a hair on your head looking disheveled other than the fact your face is redder than a tomato.
Wonwoo adjusts his glasses, hands immediately smoothing down any wrinkles on his clothes after.
“My shift is almost up here and I need to get to my archeology class afterwards but if you’re ever curious about the male form, I’m a willing subject.” 
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one-last-puku · 3 years
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I don't feel right. It's like I'm a time traveler, like I'm myself but not myself, like I've become a different possible version of myself depending on the timeline I'm on. Sometimes it feels like I change dimensions for a moment, or see remnants from a different timeline, or have memories from different timelines that feel mine but also I seem to recognize are not part of the existence I am in.
Is this part of dissociation or depersonalization? I dunno. I'm exhausted and I feel like I've already become so different in what feels like a short time, but it's also been years now. Ah 2017 was a while ago. Ah... 4 years ago. 10 years from now, I'll be near my middle ages.
I thought time would heal, but that was a simplistic approach. I was in so much pain, I longed so much, I felt disabled for so long, but what of her? Didn't things only get better? Wasn't I forgotten so easily? My sadness has lessened, but not destroyed, my pain has fallen to near bluntness, the longer I've been abandonned, my anger and frustration has risen. The bitterness probably matches the pain and sorrow. Suppression, nearly as soon as I feel like expressing myself, I'm just as likely to push it down into a tiny box in the deep depths of my mind. I can't remember, my brain doesn't want me to. I'm angry for the lost time. I'm angry that my experience has meant so little. I plan to live forward, embrace the lack of structure my mind seems to have anymore, but I continue to be tormented. There is no peace in my mind, though i may seem it externally.
I'm frustrated enough to tear it all down, to tell it(her) "fuck you". In time I will be on your level. I will probably throw you away just as you were so quick to throw me away. I don't want to, but I'm tired of this. You don't care about me, and the more you torment me in your absence, in my dreams, in my constant ruminations, the farther away my recollection of your love and kindness, the more my recoil becomes. My mind suppresses the memories, all I know is "You were kind to me. You were a good person. I have loved you. I do love you." And despite the suppression of the specific details, I only know to trust those simple facts. That's all I can manage to handle as my energy depletes. It has been so constant, the ruminations, I can hardly remember how to dig deeper into my memories. It's like a large room of scattered files strewn about the floor and in an amazing amount of file cabinets, I need to search each file for necessary info, but I am easily overwhelmed by immense clutter. I'm frozen by anxiety by what I might find if I try to search for any amount of time. It's like I have to wrack my brain to try to dig separately in my mind for the memories of where each file lies before I attempt to search. Only then can I efficiently remember important information without encountering painful memories. I open a file, ringing. I open another file, I jump, startled, for a split moment, I don't recognize my own cat. I open another, head pain, dizziness. Fatigue and more fatigue. Time for sleep. I'm just so tired. Always just so tired.
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