#I’ve been doing it since I was like 14 and I’ve lost track of all the ones I’ve made because I just don’t want it traced back to me

[ferperss]

Loved reading your lore so thank you for the tag!! @sportsthoughts

I spent waaaay too much time writing this but once I started I felt like I couldn’t stop lmao, so I’m applauding anyone that gets through it!

The story of how I ended up where I am today is a long and winding road lmao. But I think I should start by prefacing with the fact that hockey has been a part of my life since I was born essentially. There are pictures of me on a pair of skates at around age 2 when my dad first tried to teach me! Then I played consistently from age 6 to 14 but quit when they wanted me to leave the “girls” team and play with the women because I was intimidated haha. Besides playing myself I’ve also spent many hours with my dad on the couch watching Sweden play in any and all kinds of tournaments, worlds, Olympics you name it, and since he never really rooted for any other team in Sweden or outside of it I just kind of slowly fell into that same thing. I knew there was a hockey league overseas that a lot of our own players were shipped off to but I never really had any interest in rooting for a team that wasn’t team Sweden at the time.

In the winter of 2014, I was at the ripe age of 15 and I did not play hockey anymore nor did I care about any teams really, but two of my best friends at the time became OBSESSED with this one junior player and kept talking about him. This man was none other than Thee Mr Willy Nylander himself. This led to the three of us obsessing over him and we watched him play in the world juniors over our winter break. It got to the point of us picking fights with people on twitter that said he was a bad player and really anyone that said anything negative about our Swedish players hahaha. We had a group chat named after him and everything. We eventually lost interest and forgot about him but this story is important because it comes back later.

Flash forward to May 2023! Before I entered my hockey era again I had an eight month long absolutely crushing obsession with the TV show 9-1-1 that was airing on Fox at the time (ABC now thank god, I still keep track) that came to a screeching halt when the season 6 finale aired and I hated it. I swore up and down that I was never ever going to watch that show again and now that the one thing I had been so fixated on for so long was gone I did not know what to do with myself. Which sounds so dramatic but honestly sometimes I don’t know who I am if I have nothing to obsess over. So naturally I needed entertainment and as I looked up through the haze of firefighters and network drama I found that the 2023 IIHF World Championship in Tampere and Riga was on! And I had no choice! There was hockey to be watched and I sure did watch it. Now, it did not go too well for the Swedish team last year, which is okay. But one thing that happened was the constant debate on wether Willy Nylander was going to join in. His brother was there and his teammate Timothy Liljegren also joined in. But there was no word on Willy himself. And it was all they talked about. He obviously did not end up joining but all the talk had made me nostalgic. And naturally I had to revisit the old object of obsession and see how he was doing over the Atlantic and turns out he was doing quite well indeed. And because I am a sucker for team dynamics and narratives (who could ever believe I studied film for five years) I desperately clung onto the Toronto Maple Leafs like my life depended on it. What I didn’t know was that these were also transformative times, and once I’d gotten into the team and the organization, I was bewildered when Kyle Dubas all of a sudden was going to another team??? How could that be?? The Penguins?? And that’s when I found my way to the Pittsburgh Penguins, the power of Dubas’ cardigans and Sidney Crosby’s fat ass gripped me and now I split my time between my equally cursed teams like they’re my divorced parents. And here we are.

Naturally there are a lot of nuances left out of here, I’ve covered the key points but I think that there are probably so many reasons that it was the perfect time for me to get into hockey again and here we are almost a year later and there’s no going back now!! I’m stuck here forever. And I would not have it any other way <3

This is the end of ramblings and I’ll say if there’s anything I love more than hockey, it’s being dramatic, and also I didn’t spell check this at all so if it’s not perfect I’m sorry (I’d love to blame it on English not being my first language but it’s the only subject I’ve always had straight A’s in so it’s not really applicable it’s just me being lazy)

#still need fo figure out how I’m tagging my personal stuff #I was going to use #not hockey just me #but that’s not really true in this case so I don’t know #tag games

[sergeantsporks]

Gilded Family

Rating: Teen and Up, Gen

Ch 18/?: Reminisce

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6 , Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17

In which none of the previous golden guards or wittebro died, actually, they're all fine and living happily together as one big dysfunctional family

Ao3

Jason heard the car rumble above him, and he rolled out from under it, popping to his feet. “Augh! Don’t run over anything!”

Camila screamed in the driver’s seat, putting a hand to her chest and rolling down the window. “Were you under there?!”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry—” Jason gathered up his library book and flashlight from under the car. “I lost track of time, I didn’t realize you were going to pick up Luz!”

Camila let out a sigh. “Put a sign in the windshield next time? You could have really gotten hurt!”

“Sorry,” Jason repeated.

“What are you doing, anyway? Not scavenging my car for door parts, I hope.”

“No, no. Not…” Jason twisted his thumbs around each other. “I was thinking I could help out? Financially, I mean. If I could get a job as a mechanic, or—”

“Oh—Jason, you don’t have…” Camila took a deep breath. “That’s very sweet of you. But most places are going to ask a… lot of questions. About where you were born, who your parents are, your ID… I don’t know if you can feasibly…”

“Well, we have to figure that out, don’t we? If…” Jason’s lip wobbled, and he bit it. “It’s just… we’ve been here a while, and we haven’t made any headway on getting back, so—so—I’m an adult, and I figure I should find a way to help you, because if we’re going to keep staying here…” Jason twisted the bottom of his T-shirt in his hands. “I… I don’t know if we can get back from this side, which means we might have to wait for someone on the other side to reach over, and they’d have to know we were here, which… Phoenix knows where we are, so if he escaped, he could—but he’d have to have escaped, and… I want to help out is the bottom line. You’ve done so much for us, taken care of us for months—”

“And I’ll keep taking care of you as long as you need. Until you can figure something out from this side, or until someone on the other side reaches out.”

“But how long can you keep doing that?” Jason shook his head. “Feeding us, the clothing, the pieces for the door—”

“Hey. Hey! Your parents took care of twenty-five kids. I think I can handle seven.” She put a hand on his cheek. “Okay?”

“Okay. But if I can help—”

“I’ll let you know.” Her thumb brushed just under his eye. “Ay. Were you up all night again? Your eyes look like you got punched.”

Jason shrugged.

“Jason. You can’t help anyone if you’re not taking care of yourself. I swear, you and Luz are two peas in a pod, sometimes. Speaking of which, I’ve got to go pick her up. Take a nap, Jason. Car’s going somewhere.”

“Okay,” he grumbled.

Camila backed out of the driveway, and Jason went back inside, locking the door behind him. The kids were at the portal door house again, so the Noceda household was near silent.

It made Jason’s skin crawl. He hadn’t been somewhere this quiet since his golden guard days.

Still, the background hum of the refrigerator provided enough noise in the silence that when he sat down on the couch and opened his book again, his head started to nod, and the book tumbled from his hands.

Jason!

“Jason!”

Something shook Jason violently, and he started awake, rolling off of the couch and tripping over his own feet before finally stabilizing. “I’m up!” he yelped, “I’m awake, what’s wrong, I’ve got it!”

“Nothing’s wrong!” Hunter assured him quickly, “Well—Amity might have twisted her ankle falling in a hole Flapjack made, but nothing’s wrong wrong.”

Jason rubbed his eyes. “What’s happening?”

Amity held out a little red box. “Look! It was in the floorboards of the h—”

Jason snatched the box out of her hands. “This is Mom’s!” he blurted out, heart pounding in his chest, “This is Mom’s box!”

“I knew it had to do something with the demon realm!” Amity crowed.

“What do you mean, it’s your mom’s box?” Gus asked, taking it out of Jason’s hand and turning it over.

“There’s—” Jason ran a hand through his hair. “We have boxes like these in the house, Mom uses them to hold potion ingredients or seeds mostly. This is… what is it doing here?!”

“Not to freak you out even more,” Amity said slowly, “but there was something inside.”

“WHAT?!”

Amity held out a scroll. “It’s some kind of… we don’t know. There’s pictures and writing, but we can’t make heads or tails of it. Any ideas?”

Jason took the scroll, shaking his head as he turned it around and around in his hands. “I… Uh…” He rubbed his eyes again. “Sorry, doesn’t look familiar. I mean, give me longer with it, maybe I can figure something out, but… have you shown it to Luz yet? Is she home from school?”

Amity shook her head. “We want to make sure it’s not a dead end before we get her hopes up.”

“Do you know how to convince the car to take us to town yet?” Gus piped up, “We’re going to check in town for clues tomorrow.”

“Do I… I can’t drive. No.” Jason moved to the kitchen, holding the scroll up to the light. “Mmmmmmm…

Amity and Hunter glanced at each other, and the kids all went outside. Their voices were muffled, but Jason could still hear them through the door.

“I told you we shouldn’t tell him, either,” Hunter’s voice said, “He’s going to obsess over it.”

“And he’ll stay up all night studying it,” Gus agreed, “We didn’t want to tell Luz because we didn’t want to get her hopes up for another dead end, but he might be just as disappointed.”

“We woke him up for it, too.”

“Sorry,” Amity sighed, “I just…” Her voice dropped even further, and Jason had to strain to hear. “You saw how he reacted to the box. It’s starting to get kind of obvious that you two’s… dad? Was neck deep in all of this portal business. If anyone has some kind of subconscious clue or hint, it’ll be him.”

Jason rolled up the scroll.

Great. Instead of taking care of them, I’ve just made them all worry. Good going, Jason.

When they came back in, Jason handed the scroll back to Amity. “We’ll work on it tomorrow?”

“Yeah. We’ll work on it tomorrow.”

Xxx

Jason circled the house, but it was more routine than an actual patrol at this point. There was nothing in peaceful suburbia that would hurt them, there hadn’t been anything (except for a swarm of bees) that had even tried.

Jason rubbed his eyes, and took one last look out into the darkness.

Blue eyes blinked back.

Jason ran towards them, scooping up a big stick as his feet thumped across the ground. The blue eyes were gone, but he could hear rustling in the bushes, and he charged towards the sound, following it into the forest.

Jason kicked at a bush as the rustling stopped.

A raccoon lunged out, hissing, and bit his foot, its eyes shining a reflective blue in the light of Jason’s flashlight. Jason yelped, hopping up and down and shaking his foot to dislodge the creature before it could bite through his shoe. It let go, skittering off into the trees.

Jason shook his foot. Didn’t seem like the raccoon had managed to break skin, at least. He sighed, making his way back towards the house.

There’s nothing out there.

If he were still alive, he’d have done something by now.

Every time you look, there’s nothing there.

You’re just swinging at shadows.

Jason followed Gus down the basement stairs, opting to walk all the way down the stairs rather than swing off of the beam like Gus did. Hunter was sitting on the side, a machine humming as he fed cloth through it.

“Whoo!” Gus cheered as he landed perfectly on the couch, “We’ve got a big day ahead of us, so I’m going to buenas this noches!”

Jason’s nose crinkled. I don’t think that’s how that phrase works.

Hunter nodded, focused on the cloth in the machine. “Mhm. Ow!” He shook his hand.

Gus sat up. “You okay? That sounded… painful.”

Hunter waved a hand. “I’ve been training in the emperor’s coven for as long as I can remember. I think I can handle a little—”

Jason opened his mouth to warn him that his hand was heading right for the needle, but too late. Hunter squeaked.

“pain!” he yipped, biting his lip.

Gus hissed. “Oooo, that went clean through.” He wrapped Hunter’s finger up in a bandage. “Awwwwwwww, what was it you said, Jason? Healing is feeling?”

“Give his finger a kiss,” Jason suggested with a grin, “It’ll heal faster.”

Hunter snatched his hand away as Gus made an exaggerated kissy face. “Don’t you dare, that is so unsanitary!” He scuttled back towards the machine. “Camila taught me how to use this sewing contraption! Even Darius’ stitches have never been this neat!”

Jason’s grin faded at the mention.

Did Darius make it out okay?

Titan, I hope so, or Phoenix will be crushed.

“Oh, and look at what I made!” Hunter continued. He held up a shirt that was absolutely COVERED in images of the same creature. It looked almost like the balls of fluff and slobber Jason had seen on the end of leashes around Camila’s neighborhood, but bigger and more dangerous. “These are mystical beasts called wolves! And I love them.”

“Oh, I’ve read about wolves in some of the books dad got from the human realm!” Jason piped up, “They were usually villains that eat grandmas, though.”

Hunter gasped, holding his shirt closer to his chest. “Wolves are amazing and they are misunderstood creatures unfairly villainized by small-minded humans! They would never eat your grandma! Unless she deserved it!”

“Alright, alright, I believe you. They were just stories.”

“The shirt looks great,” Gus soothed Hunter. The younger boy tilted his head. “You know, you’ve been smiling a lot more since we’ve been here.”

Jason settled down into his sleeping bag while Hunter shook his head. “It’s not like I don’t want to return! I just… need a way to pass the time! That’s all.”

“No. It’s good to see you happy.” Gus pulled the blankets over himself. “One of us might as well be,” he followed up gloomily.

Jason turned over, facing the opposite wall.

Is he happier here?

Well, of course he was. He’d only been a way from Belos for a few days in the demon realm, he’d hardly gotten time to breathe and enjoy his freedom.

But what if he was happier here? What if he didn’t want to go back? What if, even if they made a working door, Hunter stayed in the human realm?

You said you’d support him, no matter what he chose.

So do that.

Still.

“What was it like in the Emperor’s coven?” Gus asked softly.

Jason heard a sigh from Hunter. “I trained a lot. I studied a lot. I wasn’t really allowed to be around the other scouts. But weekends were nice! I got to leave the castle for missions.”

There hadn’t really been a “coven” or “scouts” when Jason had been the golden guard. The Empire hadn’t been anything more than a concept. But he remembered long nights keeping watch, with nothing but the stars and rampant paranoia about every sound to keep him company. He remembered staying close to Uncle Belos’ side on the few trips into town, he remembered being told not to talk to any witches on those outings. Not even stall vendors.

When they’d camped closer to a town, Jason would watch it in the night. He’d see flickering fires, and occasionally hear shouts or music. He’d never doubted that Uncle Belos was keeping him safe by keeping him separate, but sometimes, he wished he could go down where the fires and music were. Sometimes, he even invent a whole story about a threat he’d chased from the camp to the town. In case he actually went, and needed an excuse.

“Do you miss it?” Gus asked.

“I miss knowing who I’m supposed to be.”

Jason’s heart clenched in his chest.

It had almost been nice to have a destiny, for as long as it had lasted.

“I miss my dad,” Gus said softly.

Yeah. Me too.

Jason started to roll over to face them again, when Hunter spoke again.

“We’ll make it back. We have to.”

Gus gasped. “Oh my titan! That’s a line from this book I found. Cosmic Frontier! It’s a story that takes place in the stars!”

Hunter snorted. “Why would anyone wanna go up there?”

“I don’t know. Humans love spreading their junk everywhere. But it’s a story of people trying to get back home, just like us!”

“Uh-huh.”

Jason rolled over the rest of the way to face them, head propped up on his hand. “Yeah?”

“We got Captain Avery, Security Officer Quando, and a Chief Engineer O’Bailey who’s hiding as a clone from an enemy planet!”

Jason poked Hunter. “Sounds familiar.”

“Ha, ha. What, uh. What happens to him?”

Gus grinned, wiggling his eyebrows theatrically and opening a closet door. “I guess you’ll have to find out.”

Hunter shrugged, wriggling under his sleeping bag with the flashlight and the book. Jason turned off the light, and Gus’ breathing slowly evened out, inhaling and exhaling in little puffs. The flashlight clicked off, and Hunter wiggled around in his sleeping bag until Jason could see his outline facing him.

“Jason?” Hunter whispered.

“Mmm?”

“Do you ever miss it? Miss… him… I mean.”

Of course not, Jason wanted to say immediately, How could I ever miss someone who hurt me and everyone I love?

He sighed.

“Sometimes,” he admitted, “Do you?”

“Is that bad?”

“Kind of feels bad. Inside, I mean.” Jason twisted his shirt in his hands. “I don’t know. He hurt us.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“But… he wasn’t always hurting us? And maybe I was always having to manage his moods, and change who I was to whatever he needed at the moment, but… sometimes it wasn’t so bad. He gave us magic.”

Hunter grunted in agreement.

“I guess I kind of miss the good parts, even though they came with the bad. I wouldn’t want to go back, though. If he showed up again.”

“No,” Hunter agreed. He didn’t say anything else for a while, and Jason thought he might have fallen asleep. “I didn’t want to hurt him. I couldn’t hurt him. Even after everything, I… I didn’t fight back.”

Jason hummed thoughtfully.

“Is that bad?”

“I don’t think so. I couldn’t hurt him, either.”

“But you did. You fought him.”

“Yeah, because Phoenix was in danger. I don’t know. I guess in that moment, I just had to protect Phoenix, and that was the only thing that mattered. You didn’t get put in a situation where someone you loved was about to die. And that’s a good thing, I think.”

“I guess.”

Another long silence.

“Jason?”

“Mhm?”

“What would you do? If he showed up again.”

“He’s dead, Hunter.” The words felt heavy in Jason’s throat, and he blinked back tears. “He’s dead, and he’s not coming back.”

Hunter sniffled. “Yeah. I know. But if he did come back?”

“I’d do whatever I had to. I’d keep you—and Gus, and Willow, and Amity, and Vee, and Luz, all of you—safe. Whatever it took.”

“Not whatever. You can’t die. People are waiting for you.”

A smile tugged at Jason’s lips. “Alright, alright. I’d do anything short of dying. That sounds fair.”

The flashlight clicked back on. “Go to sleep, Jason? I’ll stay up tonight. I want to read this book, anyway.”

Jason laughed softly, rolling over in his sleeping bag and snuggling into his pillow. “Alright, deal. Don’t kill your eyes, okay?”

“No promises.”

#toh #the owl house #gilded family au #toh fanfiction #toh hunter #gus porter #the golden guard #my writing

[huntedhealer]

Daddy’s girl

TW: daddy issues

Dad,

I love you, but I can't have hateful people in my world. You and I have never seen eye to eye, and I have tried all my life to be tolerant of your beliefs and even to understand them, but I don't feel as though you've ever considered where I am coming from. You act like being a peaceful person makes me weak. You deny that you have ever caused me harm. You have done nothing but reject me since the day I was born and yet I'm meant to keep making efforts to include you in my life? Take a minute and consider why I might not want to do that. Really think about it. I'm tired of being the unwanted child.

I have so many people that genuinely light up whenever I walk into a room; and you should have been first in that line.

You never wanted a daughter.

You never wanted me.

Why does it suddenly matter to you that we speak? You never showed up for me. Not once. Every over-achieving task I burdened myself with in high school was to prove to you that I'm a good child, a good person, that I was good enough. And I was always those things, it was you that convinced me otherwise. I would love to have you in my life. I would love to see you love my children. I have been a mother for 14 and a half years. You saw my son once at the hospital. You've never even met my beautiful daughter. I don't think you realize just how much you lost when you decided not to love me.

I'm an incredible person. I love everyone so hard that sometimes it is to my own detriment. I have sought your approval since I learned to walk. You never gave it to me. I don't need it anymore. I'm approving myself. I am who I am in spite of you. I love where you hate. I heal what you harmed. You can spend the rest of your life trying to convince yourself that I'm the asshole, but I remember everything. I remember dancing on your feet but I also remember reaching for your hand and you literally shaking your arm to get me off of you like some kind of vermin. You never knew how to love me, and I don't even think that's your fault, but it is your responsibility to heal your wounds and learn how to love in ways that don't hurt. You have no idea how many times a day my mind plays the soundtrack of my childhood. "You're gonna end up 16 and pregnant just like your mother". "I never met someone who talked so much and says so little", "I hate you, you ruin everything".

And the funny thing is, even with all the hate and vitriol you aimed at me as a helpless child, in spite of your constant rejection of my very existence, the part that hurts the most is that you never even tried. Not once.

Not a track meet or an ROTC drill meet. Not one brain bowl or one homecoming. Not one honor roll ceremony. I’ve never heard the word “proud” come out of your mouth.

I tried so hard to make you love me, and when you didn't, I spent years trying to find someone who would. I didn't know what love was meant to feel like because you were the only example I had. I thought love screamed and hit and hated, so I loved men who did those things. It almost cost me my life.

It ended a life. You would never know, because how could you? You’ve never asked how I am. You never cared what I’m doing as long as it didn’t cost you time or money. How would you know that I’m a mother of angels? You couldn’t know. You weren’t there when I cried so hard I threw up.

You weren’t there when I made a makeshift memorial in my backyard. You weren’t there for the days that followed. Pretending to be ok for my son. You weren’t there.

And now I have a precious daughter. The most beautiful girl on earth. Her daddy loves her. He reads her stories every night and tells her that she's beautiful and strong and capable. She is all the things you stole from me. You were given such an incredible and precious gift, and you did everything you can think of to destroy it. You only destroyed my need for your presence in my life.

I'm almost certain that I will never see you again, and I have made my peace with that. I have grieved for the father I never had all my life. I have never stopped loving you. Not one moment of my life, but I have stopped begging you to love me back. You are getting old and you are realizing now that you need someone who loves you more than ever. You need help and care and support that I just can't give you.

I refuse to tear open the wounds I've healed in your absence for your benefit. All you ever had to do was to keep me safe, to keep me warm; and you couldn't.

You didn't.

You chose WRONG.

You kicked a child out in favor of your wife. You knew she lied about me and chose to side with her anyway, and when she said "it's me or her"; you chose wrong.

You took me away from my brother. My dog. My home. You threw me away. You didn't even have the decency to keep up with our "daddy daughter dates" once a week while I lived with your brother; who is a good, kind, patient and loving person. You ruined me. Why on Earth would I want you in my life? I'm not a masochist. I have suffered enough.

You have a choice.

You can continue to blame me for everything and the decline of our relationship at the age of 11; or you can take responsibility for your wrongs and fight to prove you deserve to be in my life.

I already know which path you will take, but it doesn't stop me hoping you will prove me wrong.

I knew you for 13 years.

I haven't known you for 23.

You've become a stranger; one filled with hate.

Love overflows and fills every cup, hate has left you an empty husk.

I love you. Goodbye dad.

#written #writters on tumblr #writing #dark #writblr #literary agent #lefty

[lamuradex]

Short Story: Mercenaries

(Thought I'd start with a spookier one because it's Spooky Month)

Title: Mercenaries

Wordcount: 3000 Words

Commander Aberdeen must lead his men through the jungle after a mission left them with a lot of loot and a long way to carry it home.

But when something starts whistling out in the woods, they realise they might not be as alone out here as they thought.

Mercenaries

Entry 1: Day 1                                                                         03/04/08

Personal log of Commander Aberdeen of Wraith Company. Honestly, it feels strange to report my own name. Strange even hearing it. Most people I know just call me Commander. Mercs know their place and know respect when someone’s paying for it. I’m keeping a log here because I’ve always found it safer to have a record, in case there are issues later or inquiries, and because it’s something to do in the evenings. We’re here in the jungle, I won’t specify where, to raid a supply convoy of some rather vital and expensive things aboard. I won’t specify what either. If someone captures us and reads this, they can just ask our employers, whoever they are.

The raid went off without a hitch. Well, almost. We had intended to capture the trucks and drive them out, but Everett got a bit trigger happy and one of the gas tanks went up. We lost all three trucks, but saved the cargo. It was a steal or destroy op anyway. Just as long as this stuff doesn’t get where it’s going. Still, this stuff should be worth something, so we’re heading back with it.

It’ll take a while though. Between dodging local authorities, militia, and having to heft this stuff through the jungle, we’re estimating two months before we reach the airstrip. Not a problem. We’re in no hurry. Supplies are on sleds, and we’ve got a couple of ATVs to drag them. Six of us, including me. That’s me, Everett, Michaels, Cally, Gorman and Jameson. Those are just my codenames for all of them, by the way, in case we’re captured.

Two months to go. Just need to keep a low profile.

Entry 2: Day 3                                                                                 05/04/08

Been a little while since the first entry. Everyone’s staying well behaved. Almost throttled Michaels earlier today though when I thought he was whistling. Was about to call him out when I realised he wasn’t making a sound.

It’s coming from the jungle. Might be a bird or something, but now I’m not so sure. Thought I saw someone out there. Just a glimpse of something moving in the green. Thought I saw some eyes. Maybe just some locals, but we’ll keep watch. If they report to someone, we could be in trouble.

Entry 3: Day 7                                                                               09/04/08

Four days now, but the whistling finally stopped. It warbled like a bird, but then Everett whistled back. He always was our little musician. Moment after he did, the whistling stopped. Whatever was calling got its answer. Glad it’s gone.

Nonetheless, I had Cally double back to check. He says he found tracks. Couldn’t say if they were animal or human. Not really a concern. We’re armed to the teeth and in the middle of nowhere. Who’d hear a gunshot out here?

Entry 4: Day 14                                                                                16/04/08

Jesus Christ. Something happened today. It’s been about a week since my last entry, but I’ve got to get this on record.

We’re down a man and one bullet. Jonathan “Cally” Wilks, deceased. At least, we hope he is.

A couple of days ago, Gorman started to get a bit jumpy. He thought we were being followed. We kept an eye out, and others agreed. Then this morning, before we could pack up, something came running through the treeline. Gorman jumped and opened fired. The intruder fell dead.

It was bloody Cally. Gorman almost fell apart when he realised. But when we looked at him, Cally was a wreck. He was mud soaked, covered in scratches, and looked like he hadn’t shaved in a week.

Thing is though, he didn’t look like that yesterday. Cally slept in the tent next to mine. I heard him snoring. One of the men saw him that morning, clean shaven and fine. Everyone’s wondering if we’ve had an imposter with us this whole time, or if maybe the dead man’s the imposter. Either way, the “other” Cally is nowhere to be found. His stuff’s still here, but he isn’t.

The men are pretty shaken. They boxed up Cally and put him on the sled. Best thing is we take him home. He was a good man.

On another note, that whistling started again.

Entry 5: Day 19                                                                                21/04/08

 That damned whistling. It’s driving the men mad. Still, everyone knows to keep a cool head. We’ve already lost one out here. We don’t want another.

Thing is, I don’t think we’re alone out here. I was on patrol, shorthanded with Cally dead, when I saw something. A figure in the trees. It was pretty far out, but there was definitely something. A dark figure, peering at me.

Now, I’m not some idiot who’s scared of black tribal villagers. You work in jungles enough, you meet your fair share. Even traded with a few. So when I say this man was dark, know that I mean it. Skin like charcoal and piercing white eyes.

Then he was gone. I sent Gorman and Michaels to look and they found a boot print in the mud. It’s the same brand that’s part of our uniform. I had Jameson check the supplies, but we’re not missing any, and Cally still has both of his. Gorman says the boot print was messy. Says there was viscera in it, that’s how Gorman put it. We’ll be more careful with our night guards from now on.

Entry 6: Day 23                                                                               25/04/08

The whistling stopped again. No more sightings of the man with bloody boots. There is certainly someone out there though.

We keep coming across strange totems. Hanging off trees, buried in the ground. They’re made with animal bones, most still covered in blood. Might explain the boot print. Jameson says this region is uninhabited, but the rest of us are worried we’re walking into tribal territory. Even so, I think we can handle ourselves. So far we’ve seen one guy, at most. We can deal with a lot more than one guy.

Entry 7: Day 27                                                                              29/04/08

We found another boot print today, bloody as the first. Gorman almost stepped on it. I know we’re moving slow, but the idea they’re in front of us is unsettling. Still, it’s not my current concern. My current concern is Michaels.

When we found the footprint, everyone gathered round like it was a spectacle. But Michaels is silent. Now, I know I haven’t described him, but Michaels is a bloody chatterbox. It’s why I thought he was the man whistling, him or Everett. Everyone else is having their say about the footprint, but Michaels is just quiet.

He just got back to work without saying anything. I’m gonna find out what’s bothering him. I’ll beat the information out of him if I have to. Now’s no time to be keeping secrets.

Entry 8: Day 28                                                                             30/04/08

I’m not sure what to make of today.

I confronted Michaels, but he refused to talk till we were alone. Then he finally told me, and I wished he hadn’t. He’d recognised the boot print.

The most recent one was different to the others. There was a cut across the heel. I’d just thought a twig or insect had crawled through it, but then Michaels tells me this story about Everett. The idiot stepped on a serrated blade two tours back, and only missed losing his heel because Michaels kicked his foot. Still has the boot to prove it though.

First I was unnerved by this, then I was angry. I decided to confront Everett. I marched up to him and called him out in front of everyone, thinking this was some big prank. Turns out the others had words to say too. Everett had been acting strange. One man said he’d been staring at Cally’s coffin.

Everett never answered. Something changed in him. Even now, I couldn’t put a finger on what, but suddenly it wasn’t Everett anymore. It was just something that looked like Everett. “Everett” then opened its mouth, screeched like a goddamned banshee, then sprinted off into the jungle. Michaels drew his gun and took a shot, but we’re sure he missed.

A couple of hours later, the real Everett appeared, battered and muddy, like he’d been missing for a week. He was also missing an eye.

While Jameson, our medic, looked him over, Everett told us what he remembered. He’d heard one of us calling him in the woods, and stepped away to see. After a few minutes he couldn’t find anyone, so turned back. We were mid transit, so he wasn’t too alarmed when he couldn’t immediately catch up. When he couldn’t catch up after a day, he started to get worried. When he finally had to rest and fell asleep, he woke up the next morning with an eye missing, not bleeding a drop. Then he found us later that day.

He doesn’t remember finding his boot print. He even still has his scarred boot. By his report, he vanished sometime after we’d seen the first one. He’s been missing for about a week, but swears up and down it couldn’t have been more than three days.

On top of everything, Jameson gave his report. Everett’s eye wasn’t removed surgically. It was torn out. Until we can get to proper hospital, Jameson has taken a sports team badge off his uniform and given it to him for an eyepatch. For all the horror of the situation, Everett doesn’t half look silly with a Bolton Wanderers patch tied to his face.

Entry 9: Day 30                                                                            02/05/08

I’m glad I’m keeping this record, or I might think I was going mad. The whistling started again, and I’ll admit I felt goddamned scared. I’ve given a standing order to the men. No one leaves the camp without a direct order from me, given eye to eye. Not that they would. More and more, they’re reporting seeing the dark figure. Charcoal skin and watching us. It only occurred to me earlier today that the whistling could be multiple of them communicating. We just need to get out of this jungle.

Entry 10: Day 36                                                                            08/05/08

The whistling stopped. I don’t know if that’s more unnerving. Either way, I gave the men a new order today. No one travels alone. Not for a second. I don’t care if you need to use the bathroom, you have another man watch you do it. I’m not having any “I only turned my back for a second, then he was gone.” We are not losing anyone else.

Entry 11: Day 40                                                                             12/05/08

We found more boot prints today, with a noticeable bit missing near the left toe. Everyone hurriedly checked their shoes to see if they matched. None did. Then Jameson decided to check Cally’s in his coffin. It was a perfect match.

Entry 12: Day 43                                                                              15/05/08

We found a body. It was barely recognisable and at first we thought it was another totem. Then we saw its face. It was Jameson. This was doubly strange, as Jameson was standing beside me at the time.

Immediately guns were drawn. We all expected to hear that same banshee scream, but “Jameson” just pleaded with us, so we put up one of the tents and dragged him in. This one is talking, and we’re getting answers. The tent is so the others don’t have to watch.

I’ve only briefly stopped to write this. I need it in case I start to question myself. Jameson is an old friend. It’ll hurt torturing something that looks like him.

Entry 13: Day 43                                                                             15/05/08

Another man is dead. Eric “Gorman” Jenkins, deceased.

It’s a good thing I forgot to write that for Jameson.

Me and Everett set to getting information out of “Jameson”. He never broke. He kept saying he was the real deal. I wished I’d believed him.

Then we heard this godawful noise. Screaming and gunfire. We ran out and found Gorman ripped in half. Michaels was sitting nearby, bloodied, terrified, and clutching his gun. Jameson’s body was gone. When we finally got some sense out of Michaels, he told us what happened.

Him and Gorman had been listening to us work, when one of them realised they better box up Jameson’s body. It had been sat out there in the heat, and neither was looking forward to it, but it needed to be done. When they got there, they both saw something odd. A wild dog had found the corpse in their absence, but it just walked up, sniffed, then snarled and ran away. When they looked closer, there wasn’t a fly or a maggot on the corpse. Not a worm or a beetle. Lines of ants seemed to be threading their way around it.

They found this strange, but blamed whatever had killed him. They set to move the body when Gorman suddenly froze and went damned pale. He just pointed and Michaels moved to look. He was pointing at a Bolton Wanderers patch on the corpse’s shoulder. The same one Everett had been using as an eyepatch for the last week.

Gorman tried to radio us. Before he could, the corpse moved. It got up and turned into something. Michaels describes it as looking like one of those totems, just bigger and with more teeth. It grabbed Gorman and ripped him along the middle, then turned on Michaels, but he shot it twice and it ran off into the trees. Then we arrived.

We’ve let Jameson out of his restraints and boxed up what was left of Gorman. There are only four of us left.

Entry 14: Day 45                                                                              17/05/08

Michaels is not doing well. He’s doing his job, but he is not well. He keeps grabbing a patch on his arm, as if to remind himself he’s still him. It’s a logo of some indie band he follows. Told me once he met his girlfriend during one of their concerts. I’ve always like the logo honestly. Looks military enough for a uniform. Better than Bolton Wanderers, anyhow. It’s a pair of arrows crossing each other with a plane behind them. Maybe if we get through this, I’ll make sure to buy them both tickets. Whatever the case, I think this might be Michaels’ last tour.

Entry 15: Day 46                                                                              18/05/08

I saw the dark figure again. He was in our camp this time.

After everything, I was loathed to sleep. Everyone else was wired, but with two standing guard, two of us could sleep. I had to. The last few weeks have been more than I could bear. I slept fitfully, but got a few hours. I awoke in the middle of the night and decided to trade off with someone.

And there he was. Charcoal black skin that almost looked burnt, crouching on the balls of his feet by the fire. He was staring at Michaels’ tent, eyes wide open, unblinking.

It took me longer than I’d like, but I drew my gun. Before I could get it out of my holster, he turned, looked me in the eyes, and sprinted off into the trees. I raised hell, but no one else saw hide nor hair of him. Where he had been crouched, there were two footprints in the mud. They were both caked with long dried blood.

Entry 16: Day 50                                                                             22/05/08

We are finally through. We reached the airfield yesterday and we’re finally going home. No one is comfortable though. We’re all looking at each other with uneasy glances. I think everyone is thinking the same as me.

I’m scared it’s still with us. I’m scared of what might happen if it follows us back to civilisation. I’m scared of how little we understand about what happened.

Entry 17: Day 50 – Final                                                               02/05/08

I’m writing this from the plane. Just as the plane arrived to take us and the cargo home, I turned for one last look at the jungle. Then I saw him. The dark figure, standing barely behind a tree. He stood watching me from the treeline, then he smiled. A mouth filled with huge, pointed teeth. He grinned, then carved an image in the tree bark with his fingertips. When he was done, he pointed one finger at the plane.

He’d drawn two arrows crossing one another with a plane underneath. I remembered that it had been Michaels and Gorman alone who had seen what happened with the fake Jameson’s corpse. Only Michaels had survived to tell it. I turned and saw my men boarding the plane. I followed.

I’m not scared anymore. I know what needs to be done.

Accident and Recovery Report: Mountain Rescue                                    Dated: 04/05/08

Investigator: Edward Palmer

Two days ago, we received a report of a plane crash in the mountains. Mid-flight, the pilot was communicating with local stations when there was the sound of gunfire and the line went dead.

The plane was located, crashed in the snow. There’s presently believed to be a single survivor from a crew of eight. Evidence indicates two or more may have been dead before the crash.

Reports indicate Commander Aberdeen and his men were travelling home, when Aberdeen drew his pistol and shot one his men and the pilot, causing the plane to crash. Many of the bodies are burned beyond recognition, and their identities mostly unknown. Recovered pages from a damaged mission log name the individuals by codenames, and it is believed that “Michaels” and pilot Walter Philips were shot. The body of “Michaels” cannot be recovered, having apparently been jettisoned from the vehicle during the initial landing, and is currently lost in the snow. Commander Aberdeen refuses to explain his actions, and has been remanded to police custody.

There are reports that there may be another survivor however, possibly injured. Rescue workers reported seeing an unknown figure standing in the snow some distance from the crash. When they pursued to try and talk to them, the person fled, leaving behind a trail of bloody footprints.

End Report.

#writeblr #short story #horror #spooky #wrote this one ages ago #happy halloween #Lamura Dex Writes! #original writing #writers on tumblr

[calicoaidan]

Eurovision 2023 - the story so far

I’m gonna be blunt folks, I adore the Eurovision Song Contest, it’s not even a guilty pleasure nowadays.

The concept of it is just something I like, every country gets one shot, once a year, 3 minutes to write and perform a song of their choosing with it being staged however they wish* (well, there are some restrictions).

A list of the recent winners shows the brilliance of it all,

The Swedish slickness of Loreen and Mans Zelmerlow

The heartfelt nature of Jamala when she won with 1944, a song that resonates ever more with current events

Conchita Wurst’s victory with Rise Like a Phoenix, the best Bond theme tune there never was

And through what can often be a lot of noise the breakthrough of Salvador Sobral with what by Eurovision standards was a shock win

It’s not even the winning songs that stick in the memory; Dadi Freyr, Francesco Gabbani, Mahmood, all bangers.

One source of sadness was the remote chance of Eurovision ever being anywhere near home, for near enough the entirety of the 21st century the BBC has tied itself into a number of completely out-of-touch tunes and often hamstrung themselves with some feeble staging - Electro Velvet is probably the best example, just poor. And then, TaP Music – and more importantly Sam Ryder – arrived.

Between his 2nd place, Putin’s fuckery needing the UK to host, and a lengthy bidding process, it has now fallen to Liverpool to host the next contest. Roughly half of the songs in 2023’s contest have now been unveiled and it’s time for some takes!

I’ve zero interest in being harsh, some of these tunes just don’t do it for me and that’s fine – others will thrive on these and that’s the joy of the contest.

From the 18 so far, here’s 11-18:

11 – Latvia

12 – Italy (my least favourite Italian song since they rejoined the Song Contest)

13 – Ukraine

14 – France

15 – Norway (note - this is currently the Eurovision subreddit favourite)

16 – Denmark

17 – Albania

18 – Romania

Between 11th and 15th I see stuff to enjoy, there’s artistic merit, they just don’t fully scratch the itch for me. From 16th onwards I’m just a bit lost, sorry.

And now, we count down from 10.

10th – Malta

It’s a slick enough tune, if they stage it like this in Liverpool it’ll resonate, it’s like a crossover of Moldova’s Sax Man and Lake Malawi’s Friend of a Friend

9th – Spain

It’s a stunning performance, will stand out on the night, but there are bits where it feels a bit flat for me - artistically incredible all the same but yeah, it doesn’t fully carry me.

8th – Ireland

The general attitude towards this song has been hostility from the subreddit, it’s been rather vicious! For me, the lyrics are a bit corny and the live performance on display isn’t amazing because RTE insist on having their selection contest in a shoebox, but the chorus is one of the most anthemic so far. It won’t win, but if they pitch it right they’ll make the final with that song.

7th – Croatia

This year’s pearl-clutcher will be this entry by Let 3, which points their ire to a very obvious individual without directly naming them. The first 45 seconds are a bit of a void, but when it gets going it tells a story that doesn’t need translating - it’s daft but fun. Will it make the final? The jury is out.

6th – Belgium

It’s full 90s, very catchy, another one that r/eurovision hates but I hope it makes it through, it’s three joyful minutes.

5th – Estonia

Well-written, brilliantly-performed, the only thing stopping me from putting this higher is it doesn’t quite peak, a victim of the 3 minute track limit.

4th – Lithuania

Similar issue to Ireland where the verses don’t quite carry but the choruses are lovely, it reminds me slightly of Saudade, Saudade with the harmonies - I feel like this will do better than most expect, not quite a winner.

This moves us onto the top three (who are a clear top three for me at this point), Slovenia, Australia and Czechia

3rd – Slovenia

A very catchy indie tune delivered by a group who clearly want to lean on boy band charm, I’m more interested in the former but this lot are going to be shovelling in the points in May, guaranteed top 10.

2nd – Australia

This is hot off the presses having been released this evening (in the middle of the night for Australian folks, strange) - I LOVE this. There’s elements that remind me of Everything Everything, and then sections that go grungy, world away, it’s a love-on-first-listen kind of tune for me. If it sounds this good live, it’s another top 10 in May.

1st – Czechia

As it stands, this is my clear favourite. It’s powerful, poignant, carries an energy throughout, and between the group of them, multi-lingual as well, it just works. I so, so hope they make this work as a live performance, it should be top 5 as a minimum and it's a potential winner if they pull it off.

So yeah, that’s where we’re at so far - 18 down, 19 to go.

I’ll do a part 2 when we have the full slate and update my rankings. Sláinte.

#eurovision #eurovision 2023 #Youtube

[ljfoxie]

Just Rambling

So I’ve been wrestling with something for a few days, and I’m still not sure what the right thing to do is. I feel like just deleting my account and leaving, but I also love coming on here and reading everyone’s posts and stories, I’m conflicted, which is why I’ve taken a break. Tumblr (Simblr) is the only social media platform I use regularly, I no longer have Twitter since Musk took over and I haven’t posted on Facebook in months but I keep it because I have a lot of my Canadian cousins on there and I don’t want to lose touch with them. The only other platform I dip in and out of is Instagram as I’ve been on it since 2010 and I kinda love it for its simplicity and (in my personal experience) the no bullshit no drama feel.

I’m in a funk, I started this new year with positive vibes and a spring in my step. I cared for my mother long before she got terminal cancer, she had mental health issues and her anxiety was a huge issue, so there was never any time for me outside of work. She died a month before I turned 40 in 2019 and I thought that after the grieving process I could start my life. Then the pandemic hit and it was 2 years of staying in and not meeting people. I lost my 14 year old labrador to general old age, my own mental health took a hit and all I had was Simblr even though I had barely any followers or notes at that time, it was escapism for me. So after three years of limbo I decided that this would be the year I would have a baby before my uterus and ovaries closed down and ceased production, I always thought that I would get married and be a mum but life dealt me different cards. I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and Hypothyroidism which alone they aren’t great but together they’re shit! I’ve been tracking my fertility since January and the chances of me conceiving look promising at the moment, but I lack the main ingredient...a boyfriend/husband/male love interest. That’s my own personal problem but the one thing that I wrestle with on a daily basis is this; is it fair to bring a child into this world the way it is now? Is it selfish? Am I too old? These three questions boil down to one thing, should I even try to have a baby, and the truth is that I don’t know. All I know is that from an early age I always wanted a husband and children, I just lived in a small community where the pick of men wasn’t great, and let’s face it who would be able to deal with my life where my mother came first all the time? This is something I need to think long and hard about, but I know I’ll make the right choices for me and for any potential future child that I may or may not have.

So the reason I toy with leaving Simblr is because sometimes, like real life, I feel like a misfit/outsider and that I don’t fit in. I’ve felt this all of my life, I had a lovely bunch of friends and followers in The Sims 3 community, but haven’t really managed to find my place within The Sims 4 community. I’m just rambling, have the winter blues and I will likely get over it, but this is how I feel at this moment so...who knows what’s around the corner.

Anyway, life’s a strange thing!

#nonsims #non sims #LJ rambles #just me getting my thoughts out #hopefully I'll get over this

[partiallystarsif]

I’ve been quiet here a long time, huh.

I apologize for that, and thank you all for your patience. For those who don’t follow my other blogs, I got sick at the beginning of the year and have been fighting my way back to something that feels normal ever since. I think I’m close to it again finally, and have been trying to get back to work on both Speaker and Partially Stars.

As a peace offering and a gift for waiting so long for me, I present: a playlist. 26 songs, featuring 2 for each crewmember plus a few others!

(Here on Spotify)

The game should be along before much longer as well. Just a bit more coding to do 🖤

Track list below the cut:

01. Satellite Call - Sara Bareilles You may find yourself in the dead of night / Lost somewhere up there in the great big beautiful sky

02. No Plan - Hozier There's no plan, there's no race to be run / The harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the sun

03. [Akina] I'll Be Good - Jaymes Young I'll be good, I'll be good / And I'll love the world, like I should / Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good / For all of the times that I never could

04. [Akina] Different Kind of Knight - Christian Kane See I'm a different kind of knight / You're gonna find your fairy tales are lies / I don't have a white horse / But you can come along for the ride.

05. [Ahmed] Fake Happy - Paramore See I'm gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth / And if the lights are low they'll never see me frown

06. [Ahmed] Fistfight - The Ballroom Thieves The day I finally met you like I knew I would / You raised me from the wreck of my doubt / You were smiling to yourself as if we both understood / The silent language of the anguish of a heart that sings but doesn't make a sound

07. [Q] Outside Of This Town - Christone "Kingfish" Ingram I'm so tired of doing the same old thing / Shooting for the highest star / Want people to remember my name

08. [Q] Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers & Coldplay Where d'you wanna go? / How much you wanna risk? / I'm not looking for somebody / With some superhuman gifts

09. [Sun] On To The Next - Tyler Bryant & The Shakedown I got nothing to lose / Nothing to hide, nothing to prove / Put your money in your mouth, roll the dice, make a bet / Stack up your chips, watch me push 'em off the edge

10. [Sun] Start a Fire - Ryan Star Here we go / Just lose control and let your body give in / To the beat / Of your heart as my hand touches your skin / Is this love / Or just sexual desire / We're gonna start a fire

11. [Mack] Still Breathing - Green Day As I walked out on the ledge / Are you scared to death to live? / And I've been running all my life / Just to find a home that's for the restless / And the truth that's in the message / Making my way away, away

12. [Mack] Love Sneakin' Up On You - Bonnie Raitt I gotta know, do you feel the same? / Do you just light up at the mention of my name? / Don't worry baby, it ain't nothin new / That's just love sneakin up on you

13. [CJ] Watch Me While I Bloom - Hayley Williams If you feel like you're never gonna reach the sky / 'Til you pull up your roots, leave your dirt behind / Mmh, baby you got a lot of shit to learn

14. [CJ] In Your Eyes - Gavriel All I know is I can't get you off my mind / I'm still unsure if uncertainty is certain doom / Then it goes right back to you / And I can't remember being blue

15. [Smith] Heaven's Got A Back Door - Dead Sara I'm through feeling sorry / For the things that I can't choose / If I made it this far being who I am / Maybe heaven's got a back door too

16. [Smith] One Woman Man - John Legend From the moment that I met you / Knew that I would never let you / Slip away, it's okay / You can make me / A one woman man

17. [Harper] All I Really Want - Alanis Morissette And all I really want is some patience / A way to calm the angry voice / And all I really want is deliverance

18. [Harper] Like Real People Do - Hozier I will not ask you where you came from / I will not ask you and neither would you / Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips / We should just kiss like real people do

19. [Walker] I'm With You - Avril Lavigne I'm looking for a place / I'm searching for a face / Is anybody here I know / 'Cause nothing's going right / And everything's a mess / And no one likes to be alone

20. [Walker] Wicked Game - Chris Isaak What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way / What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you

21. [REDACTED] My Way - PVRIS I don't ever fight, just blow a kiss / And I got two fists but I'm a pacifist / I'd rather stay high and just take, take, take the hit

22. [REDACTED] As Long As You Love Me - The Backstreet Boys And how you got me blind is still a mystery / I can't get you out of my head / Don't care what is written in your history / As long as you're here with me

23. [Stowaway] Man In The Box - Alice In Chains I'm the man in the box / Buried in my shit / Won't you come and save me? / Save me

24. [Stowaway] Sweet Surrender - Sarah McLachlan It doesn't mean much / It doesn't mean anything at all / The life I've left behind me is a cold room / I've crossed the last line / From where I can't return / Where every step I took in faith betrayed me / And led me from my home

BONUS 25. Firefly Main Title - Sonny Rhodes

26. The Real Folk Blues - Mai Yamane

#partially stars game #the last two songs are just because they're fun #and so are the stowaway songs really #redacted will remain such until they're introduced in the first episode (SOON I PROMISE) #posting this at 2:30am like the vampire I am so I'll reblog later at normal people hours too

[the-endless-storm]

Video game asks. Alk of them (or as many as you feel like doing)!

You come off anon right now and own up!I’ve answered most of them, but there's a few with no answers just because nothing comes to mind right away. I'd have to think about it longer and I don’t have the time or will,power to do so. Naughty anon, asking for so much!

1. Last game you finished

Chained Echoes

2. Games you’re currently playing

I started a mono-team on Pokemon Scarlet, but just to waste time.

3. 1-3 games you’ve played in the past 12 months that you really enjoyed.

Chained Echoes, Pokemon Scarlet, Metroid Fusion

4. Do you like to get 100% achievements/trophies?

I give it a go, but I’m not a completionist. If getting everything starts to frustrate me, I’ll stop. I don’t want to tarnish my enjoyment of a game with an irritation.

5. Games coming out that you’re looking forward to

Hades 2, Baiten Kaitos HD (as long as it's better than the Tales of Symphonia HD)

6. A series you’ve enjoyed since your early days of gaming and still enjoy to this day whether it still has games coming out or is one you return to

Pokemon obviously.

7. A series you’ve lost interest in.

Unfortunately it's Zelda. I don’t like the direction BOTW went in. I think they games look gorgeous and I’ve been told a hundred times over they are great. But all the things that made me love Zelda have been stripped out (the unique temples, fun items, etc) in favour of crafting meals and breakable weapons.

8. A series you haven’t played but are interested in trying

There are lots of games I see on Steam that I’d love to try, but can’t because I have a Mac and they aren’t compatible. I can’t name any right now, but I know they are there.

9. A game you played completely blind with no prior knowledge of and enjoyed/loved

Hollow Knight. It was on sale in the Nintendo Store and I thought it looked good so I bought it. Not at all what I was expecting but definitely worth it.

10. A console and/or handheld you’ve never played but would like to try

I’m a Nintendo Fanboy for life. So there isn’t one. Unless there's a Virtual Boy knocking around, I could give myself a headache for a day for that.

11. Do you prefer ‘blank slate’ main characters you make yourself or otherwise project onto, or characters with a set personality and backstory?

A character with a story for sure. Blank state works in some situations, but I like to see how the story progresses with the player character and how it changes them.

12. A character you particularly like in the game you’re currently playing.

Gotta be Larry in Pokemon Scarlet. He's the only one that isn't happy 24/7. Man needs a week off. We can all relate to Larry.

13. Quick, name the first song from a game that comes to mind

Lost Woods theme

14. A song that’s sure to hit your nostalgia buttons

15. Do you have a backlog and do you keep track of it.

Nope

16. A game you’d like to replay but haven’t.

I want to play Secret of Mana again now after listening to the title music.

17. A game you didn’t finish but would like to get back to or restart someday

I never finished Hollow Knight, but I doubt I’ll ever get it done. I won’t lie, I’m not great at some games, and most of HK I fluked my way through by sheer force of will. But the final part of the game required such perfect platform in skills over a long period that I got too annoyed with and rage quit over and over. So like the 100% completion above, I stopped before I ruined the game for myself.

18. A game location you really like

If I can move to my Animal Crossing island please that would be great.

19. A game you started up for the first time and you knew from the start it was going to be great

Chained Echoes. I'd read a couple of reviews that explained what kind of game it was, and once I started it, within a few minutes of the opening scenes I knew it was exactly what I’d been looking for for so long.

20. A boss you think is really cool.

21. A boss that was disappointing

22. A game ending that’s really stuck with you

23. A wow moment of awe

Watching the Moon hit Clock Town in Majora's Mask. I wasn’t expecting Zelda to be that dark.

24. A game with a cool art style

Okami has a style that looks like a watercolour painting. It took a while to get used to but is very unique.

25. A game's art style that had to grow on you

Zelda Wind Waker. Like everyone else, I didn’t like it at first, but honestly it's so damn beautiful now. I wish more games were made in that style.

26. Realism or Stylized?

Realism is only as good as the technology of the day, whereas Stylised can be whatever you want whenever you want it.

27. A game you like the atmosphere of

28. Pick a series you like. What was the first game you played for it? Was it a good starting point? Would it still be a good starting point now?

I’m going to pick the Kingdom Rush series. It's on Switch and Xbox now, whereas I started playing it on ArmorGames when it was first released. But Flash, Mobile or Console, it's a brilliant Tower Defence game and the first Kingdom Rush is just as good as any of the newer games in the series.

29. On average do you have one game or multiple games going?

Just one. I don’t have that much dedication.

30. Game you think you’ll finish next?

No clue. Need to have a game to play.

31. Someone has never played a video game before but is open to trying any genre. What game would you recommend as their first?

Maybe a 2D Zelda game like Link to the Past. Not too difficult with a simple control system, big map and lots to explore and collect.

#asks #answers #anon

[cecilysass]

The Boy on the Beach (14/16)

Read on AO3 | Tagging@today-in-fic

Chapter 14: Cool, Cool Rain

The soundtrack for this chapter is Love, Reign O’er Me, by the Who, from their critically-acclaimed album Quadophenia, which was released October 1973. This track was their debut single in the U.S., and charted at #76 in October; the album itself peaked at #2.

November 27, 1973 Near Menemsha, Massachusetts

Scully sat in the living room waiting for Mulder to finish tucking Samantha in, wool blanket wrapped around her. Should she go offer to help him? Did he need her help? Probably unnecessary, perhaps even intrusive. It was his sister, after all, and Scully’s attachment to Samantha was only a few days old.

Her eyes fell on the window.

She stood up, abruptly, and strode to it, drawing back the curtain to peer out. There was no ominous white light pouring in. There was no speck of light visible at all, in fact, only opaque and unknowable darkness.

Placing a palm against the cool glass, she closed her eyes and listened, trying to pay attention to every sound around her. The ceaseless ticking of the clock in the kitchen. Some muffled movement from the downstairs bedroom where Mulder was with Samantha. A slight settling in the house, the bones of the aged cottage creaking. The rise and fall of wind outside, a plaintive cry, like something Mulder would make her investigate. Somewhere beyond that, in the distance, the persistent shhhhh static of the sea.

“You all right, Scully?”

Scully spun around. “Yes,” she said. “I was just... checking outside again. Is Samantha all settled?”

“Yeah,” he said, a weary smile. He stood leaning against the door frame that led from the hall to the living room, looking precisely like what she pictured when she missed Mulder: dark sweater, disheveled hair, brooding eyes. “I think she’s starting to come around a little to the idea of having this elderly brother.”

“I think so, too,” Scully said, taking a half-step towards him. “I really do.” She fought the impulse to cross to him and run her hand through his hair. “Mulder — how are you? You look tired.”

“Do I?” He chuckled weakly. “Well, I haven’t slept very well recently.” He lightly tapped his temple against the door jamb, eyes on her. “My partner actually vanished right in front of me, if you can believe it, and I’ve basically been living in the lab in Berkeley ever since, making all these new grad student friends.”

“How lucky for them,” Scully said.

“That’s who is going to get us home tomorrow,” Mulder said. “Georgette, one of the grad students. She’s in charge. She said she talked to you, right before you came here…?”

“I remember her.”

“She’s a really sharp, organized kid, sort of reminds me of you, actually. We ran into some …snags getting access to Hays’ equipment, but, uh, Skinner worked it out, actually.” He cleared his throat, and Scully could tell there was more to the story. “They told me to estimate early afternoon tomorrow, so we need to be ready then.”

Scully realized she had been worrying the edge of the wool blanket back and forth in her hand. “And it will work, Mulder?”

“It’ll work,” Mulder said. He seemed restless, walking into the room to examine the ship’s wheel over the fireplace. “The grad students haven’t let me down yet.”

“And the boy Mulder – he’ll just … return, after we leave?”

Mulder’s head turned, and he shot her a strange glance she couldn’t quite read. “I did a test run yesterday. Did he return okay after the test run?”

“You came to 1973... yesterday?”

“Just for a matter of seconds,” Mulder said, a finger tip tracing the edge of the ship’s wheel. “When I opened my eyes, I was in my parents’ study in Chilmark. Looking at my grandmother’s art book. I had been planning to talk to you, but I couldn’t find you in time.”

Scully exhaled in realization. “The boy lost time,” she said, putting the pieces in place. “And Samantha – she caught a glimpse of a man in the hall.”

“Did she? I didn’t see her,” admitted Mulder. “But if the boy returned okay after that, then I don’t see why he wouldn’t return fine tomorrow, too.”

“Well, good, because he’s important. I’m relieved.”

“Aren’t you forgetting girl Scully?”

Scully grimaced ruefully. She had forgotten about girl Scully. “She’s also important,” she said, “because my family here has been suffering.”

“God, I’m sure they have,” Mulder said soberly. “What – what do they think happened to you?”

“They think I disappeared through a window,” Scully said. “On Thanksgiving Day. It’s been on the national news, actually. I saw it at your house.”

“Oh,” he said. He leaned his back against the mantel, saying nothing for a moment. The characteristic sadness overtook his expression. “I know how that story goes. I’m sorry.”

Scully shrugged and tugged the blanket across her chest. “It couldn’t be helped.”

“What about you? How have you been?” The words were deceptively casual, questions you ask a coworker after returning from vacation, but his tone was so soft, inviting, cajoling. Something about it made her cheeks warm. “How did you … manage all of this?” he breathed. “The past. Coming to Martha’s Vineyard. Getting young me to listen to you. I just can’t believe that you did it, especially after — how we left things.”

Scully licked her lips nervously, considering what to say.

“While you were gone, I did … nothing but think about what you said that day,” Mulder said in a choked voice, “and Scully, I want you to know that–”

“No,” Scully cut him off quickly. “Let’s not do this.”

His forehead crumpled. “Why not?”

Because you’re so beautiful and broken, and I only want to forgive you. Because I’m still so ecstatic to see you that I might say anything. Because you make it so hard to remember that you don’t want from me what I want from you.

“Because right now we should only be focused on getting ourselves back,” she said, “and… letting you have this time with Samantha.”

He blinked. “Yeah,” he said. “But Sam’s asleep, and you’re…” He stopped, a wounded glint in his eyes. “Okay. Okay, fine, we won’t.”

He walked from the fireplace to the couch, sitting down and leaning his elbows on his knees, keeping his eyes on her. Frustration came off him in waves.

“The boy Fox and Samantha,” Scully said, gently, attempting to change the subject. “I really loved seeing them together. He loves her so much.”

“Yeah,” Mulder agreed, a small smile, his voice hoarse. “That’s true.”

“They’re a team.”

Mulder nodded. Outside, thunder faintly rumbled. His gaze shifted to the window. Always waiting for bright lights.

“And it made me see that … it made me see where our partnership comes from,” she added, her eyes running over his face.

His eyes snapped back to her sharply. “Our partnership?”

“The way he is with Samantha,” she said. “Being able to witness that made me really get it, Mulder.”

“How so?”

“I’m about the same age as Samantha. It’s a similar dynamic. You’re protective of me, frustrated by me, we’re a team. I hadn’t completely grasped how much I’ve filled that void.”

His expression was shocked. “No.” The word was quiet, but low, authoritative. “That’s not it.”

“I don’t mean that I replaced her,” Scully added quickly. “I just mean – well, sometimes we unconsciously follow patterns set in our childhoods. You know that.”

“No,” Mulder repeated, standing up.

“It’s just an observation, Mulder,” she said. “It seemed hard to ignore.”

For a moment he just stared, like he couldn’t believe what she was saying. Then he huffed something like a laugh. “Do you remember, Scully, how angry you were when I looked inside your head?”

“No one looked inside your head, Mulder,” Scully said in disbelief.

“No, you just looked inside my fucking childhood,” Mulder said, stepping towards her. “And then made things up about our partnership, instead of talking to me about it.”

“Mulder,” Scully was getting angry now, too. His reaction seemed absurdly out of scale.

“Jesus,” Mulder erupted. “That’s not who you are to me.”

“Mulder –”

He turned and left the room, leaving her standing there gaping, her blanket fallen to the floor.

***

Fifteen minutes later she found him making up the bed in the attic bedroom.

She stood in the doorway, watching him tug the old fashioned quilt over the top sheet, his face still dark and sullen. The attic was narrow, with a gabled ceiling that hung low over the edges of the bed, so he had to stoop over on either side to keep from hitting his head.

“There you are, Mulder,” she said, her voice placating. She wrapped her arms around herself. The attic was cool; her blanket was downstairs.

“I thought you’d sleep up here,” he said, his voice flat. “And I’d sleep on the other twin in Samantha’s room.”

“All right.”

“Keep your gun on the bedside table,” he said. He glanced, vaguely, at the little window.

“Mulder, I’m sorry,” she said, although she still wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for.

He just shook his head, leaning over to pick up the pillows from the floor. His jaw was tight.

“I didn’t realize I was making an observation that would upset you,” she added.

“I know you didn’t.” He sighed, lifting the pillows, fluffing them a little. “Scully, why did you even come here? Why didn’t you try to go back to 1999?” He laid each pillow carefully at the head of the bed, then looked over at her. “Why didn’t you try to find Hays in 1973? Ask him questions?”

She wondered if he understood how insulting those questions were. “You don’t know why?”

“No,” he said. “I really don’t.”

“The mission,” she said, and her voice shook.

Maddeningly, he looked down at the bed. Smoothed out the quilt with his hand.

“The all-important mission?” she continued. “The throw-your-life-on-a-fucking-pyre mission?”

She had known him long enough to know exactly when he was about to deploy an argument: the twitch at his jaw, the lift of his eyebrow, the way he bit his beautiful lip. He walked out from behind the bed, and she braced herself.

She even knew precisely what he was going to say: That it wasn’t her mission. That it wasn’t supposed to be her who made spectacular, meaningful sacrifices. He would say it with painful confidence, no trace of doubt. She felt her pulse speed up in anger now even anticipating it. When tragedy happened to her, it was collateral damage; when it happened to him, it was destiny.

But when he faced her, she saw the argument simply die out in his gray-green eyes. He let out a quiet sigh. She saw only defeat in him now.

“Yeah,” he said. “I know. Right. The mission.” He massaged his forehead with two fingers. “You must be tired, Scully.”

“I am, yes.” But I sure as hell don’t feel like sleeping.

“I should probably … leave you to it then.” He gestured half-heartedly at the bed. “If you need anything, you know where I’ll be.”

He was walking past her to the door of the attic when she unexpectedly grabbed hold of him, fingers wrapping tightly around his forearm.

Of course he stopped and looked back at her, waiting for an explanation.

The moment could have been saved if she said something sensible — maybe Mulder, good night, or Mulder, I need a washcloth. Instead she stood there motionless, her hand still gripping his arm.

They stared at one another, their eyes widening at the same time.

“Scully?” The question was so gentle, so soft. Puzzled.

She released him, coming to her senses. She realized her hand was shaking. The attic was cold, she told herself.

“Sorry,” she said, flustered. “I — sorry.”

He didn’t move. He stood watching her, an astonished expression moving over his face like a shadow.

“Are you … cold?” he said, almost a whisper.

She nodded, uncertain.

With an unreadable expression, he took a step toward her and placed his hands gently over the cap sleeves of her dress, as though to warm her.

She blinked, her breath catching a little at this contact. She had no idea what he was about to do.

For a few seconds he held his warm hands in place there, his thumbs lightly stroking.

Then, watching her, he began slowly, slowly trailing his hands up and over the curve of her shoulders, across the horizontal of her neckline.

She stilled, taken aback by the gesture. His hands were so large that they easily spanned the breadth of her clavicles. Mulder’s long elegant fingers, the light pressure of his touch: these were so familiar to her; nevertheless, the surface of her skin hummed to life everywhere his hand came into contact with. 

God, what was he doing? This touching was like Mulder himself: strange, impossible to interpret, probably misleading, unreasonably arousing. She should ask. She should step away. She should go to bed.

His hands started to slide up the contours of her neck, tenderly, still so slowly, the sensation of the pads of his fingers making her tremble. The heels of his hands found a landing spot on each side of her jaw, and he leaned closer into her. His body, now proximate, gave off waves of heat. His thumbs glided back and forth over her cheeks.

She closed her eyes. She thought he intended to kiss her. Her chin tipped back ever-so-slightly in anticipation.

He didn’t. She opened her eyes. He had an all-too-familiar expression on his face: fascination. She wondered, with a stab of anxiety, what this might be for him: an experiment? Comfort? Some desperate proof for an argument she didn’t even understand? A lapse from the mission he’d regret soon after? The intensely focused look in his eyes worried her. He studied her face, her mouth, her neck. Then he studied the fitted bodice of her dress.

He took a breath, and began to move his hands again in slow, slow, methodical paths downwards from her jaw, again tracing the outline of her neck, examining the shape of her small frame underneath his palms.

Nerve endings lit up like bright lights. Her legs quaked under her. Somewhere outside, she heard thunder rumbling.

His hands stopped at the top edge of the dress’s bodice and his eyes flashed to hers. Permission needed for this. She nodded quickly, swallowing. Whatever this means for you, Mulder, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.

His hands began to slide again.

They followed the rim of her collar, then traced down the lace-up bodice, like he was sculpting the edges of her breasts, slightly grazing her tightening nipples within the dress. Through the thin material she could feel this all completely: the heat of his large hands, the pressure of each individual finger.

She could tell, by the way he was now sucking in long, uneven breaths, that he could feel her, too.

His hands kept moving down the slope of her waist, coming to rest on her hips. The look in his eye now was something new. Not just fascination. Desire, without question, but it was dark and furtive, like he was still holding back, like some part of him was ashamed. No shame, Mulder, just touch me.

She reached up, wrapping her hands around the back of his neck, and drew him towards her. She paused just before their lips met, but he understood at last what she wanted, and he moved the rest of the way, pressing his mouth to hers.

His kisses were soft and slow, but also somehow just as demanding as she would expect Mulder’s kisses to be. His mouth was intent, persistent. Her lips pushed back, opening to respond, a rapid-fire conversation. Oh, she was lost in this, so lost. She was beginning to lose her breath.

His hands began grasping at her dress, gathering the fabric in his fists and causing it to ride up her legs, exposing her to the cool attic air. The tips of his fingers came into contact with the bare skin of her thighs and he paused, his breaths heaving.

“I want to—is this okay?” His voice was hoarse.

She bit her lip and nodded again. His palms slid over the bare skin of her thighs, and his breath caught. He stroked the skin lightly, and at this gentle touch, she felt herself buckle, letting out a tiny whimper.

“Scully,” he said in a low voice, sliding his hands up the back of her legs, curving around the round cheeks of her ass.

Then he raised his eyebrows. No panties.

“No clean laundry,” she whispered, rolling her eyes in embarrassment.

“Jesus, Scully,” he croaked. He met her eyes and gripped her firmly, pulling her flush to him. She could feel him, hot and hard against her. He kneaded her ass roughly as his mouth worked its way down her neck, his kisses more frantic.This was what it felt like to be the object of his full attention, of his full devotion. She felt little hot tears starting in the corners of her eyes, but blinked them back.

“Mulder, I want—” God, his hands, his hands, creeping in between her thighs. She lost the words.

“What do you want?” he murmured into her neck. “Tell me.”

“More contact with your skin.”

He pulled back to look at her, definitely a little dazed himself.

“Sweater,” she prompted, tugging on his clothes. “Jeans.”

He stepped back, removing his hands from under her dress and working to pull his sweater over his head, then the gray tee underneath. Scully unfastened his jeans, her hands trembling, tugging them down his legs.

Clothes removed, he had his hands quickly up her dress again, sliding the skirt up her thighs, cupping her rear, lifting her. She understood and hitched her legs around him. They both felt frisson as she ground against him, only the layer of his boxer shorts between them, and Mulder let out a choked gasp. Pulling him to her, he walked backwards towards the bed.

He fell backwards onto the mattress, her still on top of him, and they kissed: heady, dizzying kisses, his hands still under the dress pulling her firmly against him.

Closer, he seemed to be saying. That was what she wanted, too. She lifted her hips away from him slightly and reached down between their bodies, slipping her hand under the waist of his boxers to find his cock. She suppressed a groan at the feel of him, thick and smooth and so hard it made her heart race. Wordlessly, she positioned the head of him at her impossibly slick opening, then lowered herself down slowly.

“Scully,” he moaned in wonder as she slid onto him, and her eyes stayed on his, because his face looked so beautiful right now, vulnerable, longing.

He was fully enclosed inside her. She could hear herself exhaling as her body adjusted, leaning into him.

“Let me see you,” he breathed, lifting the hem of her dress.

Scully watched his face as she loosened the laces in the bodice and lifted the dress over her head. He was glossy-eyed, awed, openly staring at her breasts, but she didn’t feel self-conscious, because it was Mulder, because he felt so good inside her. She leaned forward so he could touch her, and his fingers stroked over pebbled nipples, cupping her breasts as she began to move up and down.

They mutually gasped, once, twice, again. Above them rain began to drum on the roof, and Scully began to think, this isn’t real, none of this real. She began to drift backwards, arching, closing her eyes, but Mulder immediately grabbed her wrists and pulled her forward.

“Look at me, Scully.” He reached out and pinned her cheeks in his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes, stroking the falling pieces of hair away from her face.

His eyes were sea salt green, pupils darkened, so wide, so serious, so filled with mystery and adoration. So filled with something else she was afraid to think about, something so overwhelming it made her desire intensify, tighten.

She fell towards him, her nipples trailing over his smooth warm skin, her forehead touching his. His hips bucked up under her, a new angle with more purchase for him. Their pace was increasing, and now she found it almost unbearably intimate, her face so close to his, their panting mingling, no place to hide. She felt herself building, and she saw it on his face, too, in the rapid staccato rhythm of his breaths. His hands kept hold of her cheeks. His eyes kept her pinned. All their unspoken words and unmet desires built and built as she rocked against him. The snap of his hips was now making clear thought impossible. 

Desperately, she kissed the fingertips cradling her face, ran her hands through his hair. Look at him, see the look in his eyes, it’s possible he wants exactly what you want.

That was what pushed her over the edge, and she cried out, burying her moans in his shoulder, gripping him as each wave hit her. He followed soon after, shaking under her and arching his back. His arms went around her, pulling her flush to him, and as they both came down, she lay there with her cheek pressed against his chest hair, catching her breath, listening to his rapid heartbeat, its pounding in syncopation with the rain above them.

“Scully,” he said breathlessly, and he ran his fingertips up and down her bare back. “There’s been no one like you, ever, in my whole life. No prototype relationship. No previous version.”

She was afraid to say anything, running a hand in circles across the planes of his chest.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” he whispered.

“Sounds like the oxytocin and dopamine talking to me,” she said to his sternum.

“Scully,” he said, plaintively, lifting her chin. “Come on.”

Her eyes locked with his. “I understand,” she said softly. “I do.” He kissed her gently.

“Besides,” he said, flopping his head back on the pillow, “who are you calling a dopamine?”

When she closed her eyes, pressing her face to his smooth chest, she dared to let herself think the forbidden words: she loved him, she loved him so much. She stole a few tiny, secret kisses, her lips just barely dusting his skin, and then she fell into sleep.

***

She slept deep and dreamlessly. The next morning, she woke up shivering, a feeling of something amiss, and she opened her eyes uncertain where she was, when she was. Above her, the wooden grain of the dark beams of the gabled ceiling came into focus, and she remembered.

The space next to her in bed was empty. Cold. She was alone.

Sitting up, she felt herself go rigid. For so long she had worried that this was the worst possible mistake. From the very first months working with him. Had she done the unthinkable—put everything at risk? She pressed her eyes shut.

Somewhere, faintly in the distance she could hear voices. Opening her eyes, she sprung from the bed, wrapping the quilt around her nude body, to try to peer out the small window. She could just see Mulder and Samantha walking down towards the beach together, the girl leaning on him and hopping to keep from putting weight on her ankle. Mulder was leaning down to her, pointing out something he saw in the direction of the sea.

Scully felt her body unknot. The haze of sleep cleared from her mind. Right. Of course he couldn’t stay all night with her, upstairs in this bed. He had to watch over Samantha – he had to be there when she woke up. That was the appropriate thing for him to do. That was the caring thing for him to do. Mulder had so much love to give.

His lean silhouette cast a purple shadow against the sand in the early morning sun. She wondered if she would ever know what it was like to wake up in his arms.

Special thanks to @sisterspooky1013 (or as I like to call her, the Smut Doctor) for considerable assistance on this chapter.

#the x files #xfiles fanfic #x files fanfic

[iam93percentstardust]

State of the Fic

This has been a rough month, not gonna lie. I saw some pretty dark sides of this fandom this month, but I refuse to be bullied out of fandom, so here’s what I’ve got to offer for the month of November.

WIPs

Still none

Recently Posted

All Too Well (Stevetony): Posted on November 2

Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well ~ “This is the young man I was telling you about,” Khan says, turning to someone behind him. Tony can’t quite make them out yet. “The new professor you’ll be working with on the 380 to 740 class. He’s just come to us from MIT, very good reviews, and Dr. Jarvis speaks very highly of him too, I’m sure you’ll both do marvelously.” The other person steps out from behind the dean, and Tony’s breath catches in his throat. “Tony, this is—”

“Steve,” Tony breathes.

Steve Rogers, bearded now and just as beautiful as he’d been the day he left, looks back at him with wide blue eyes.

Hey Steven (Stevetony): Posted on November 5

Hey Steven, I've been holding back this feeling So I got some things to say to you I've seen it all, so I thought But I never seen nobody shine the way you do ~ After an all too quick missed connection, Steve, a love life advice columnist, finds a letter in his inbox, detailing a very familiar story.

Right Where You Left Me (Dreamling): Posted on November 14

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me ~ Hob Gadling is the sort of man who falls in love easily. Dream isn’t. But that doesn't stop them from falling in love over six hundred years anyway.

Magnum Opus (Stuckony): Posted on November 16

Tony is waving a screwdriver around like a conductor’s baton. What looks like nearly every appliance from the kitchen, all three of Tony’s bots, a significant portion of the machines from the workshop, and a glowing hologram of a brand-new AI (or at least, Steve thinks she’s brand-new since she doesn’t look nearly as complex as JARVIS does) are clustered around Tony, and it’s the appliances that are performing the song, drawers on the toolbox slamming shut like drums, the bots chirping and whistling like flutes, the AI providing the voice of the unknown singer.

Accidentally in Love (Stevetony): Posted on November 18

“Look,” Tony says irritably, and Steve stops in his tracks before he turns the corner. He doesn’t know why Tony is so irritable this morning, but he doesn’t like it when Tony sounds like that. It means that he’s upset about something, and he should never be upset. He should only ever be happy.

Steve could make him happy.

“Look,” Tony says again, “all I’m saying is that I think you should stop setting Steve up.”

Not All Things (Winteriron): Posted on November 20

He doesn’t know how long he’s been trapped in the dark.

Could be days, weeks, months for all that he knows. Could even be years. And he hadn’t even seen it coming. He’d been smiled at, held, kissed the same as it had always been, and he has no idea when the switch even occurred—if it even occurred. The imposter had been flawless, the transition seamless.

He pulls fruitlessly at the chains again. He has no idea what they’re made out of, but they were designed to keep a supersoldier captive.

But In Dreams (Stevetony): Posted on November 26

“Five seconds,” Dr. Banner says.

There’s not a lot that can happen in five seconds. A handshake. A smile. A kiss.

But a lifetime can be lived in the spaces between the seconds.

The Christmas Tree (Stevetony): Posted on November 27

A joke turns into something very special for Steve and Tony.

Safe and Sound (Winterironfalcon): Posted on November 28

You'll be alright No one can hurt you now Come morning light You and I'll be safe and sound ~ Bucky knew the moment Sam and Tony missed their scheduled check-in that something was wrong. Other people might have thought it was foolish to be so convinced after one missed text that things had gone poorly, but Bucky hadn’t maintained his position as the Fist of HYDRA for seventy years by ignoring his instincts.

Coming Up

1. Not one, not two, but three mob boss Steve fics

2. Fairytale of New York: the stuckony holiday fic for the year

3. MTH fics

4. A high school AU collab with gayspacesprinkles that’ll span four (in verse) years and ten ships

5. A new long fic!

#alle writes #state of the fic #long post #long posts

[aceadmiral]

So, I was going through my Watch Later on YouTube (currently: 640 videos orz) and trying to get through some of the ones I had been putting off, one of which was “Millions of Dead Genders: A MOGAI Retrospective” by Lily Alexandre. There are a couple of reasons I had been putting it off, and some of them were borne out in the actual watch, but is has been on my mind since I saw it (not least that the credits list for “Special Thanks” David Jay?!), so I will bring these musings before you now.

I am wary of engaging with “MOGAI” content because how it was introduced to me vs. how people use it now are so wildly divergent as to have almost no resemblance at all. In fact, the terminology I and the people in my most immediate discourse use to refer to the phenomenon related to “millions of dead genders” is completely different; I would use words like “microlabels” or “flag culture” to get at that sort of thing. To be clear, that’s not motivated by some desire for political correctness; it’s simply how I’ve always talked about it.

By contrast, my context for “MOGAI” is that same thread of “are aces queer?” that we have exhausted ourselves talking about for years. I didn’t reblog the post, and while I remember who told me, I have long since lost track of them, so we’ll have to treat any assertion of the timing of this as unverified. I do clearly remember the circumstances, though.

In the wake of the push to coin a word to replace “sexual” as the out-group to “asexual,” many of us were beginning to develop a suspicion that this wasn’t really a good faith, reasonable criticism of a word that, frankly, all of us already thought was problematic, but rather a way to express their underlying prejudice against and rejection of the concept of asexual identity couched (consciously or otherwise) in the language of a reasoned debate. As such, we made other linguistic shifts to try (fruitlessly) to capitulate to their quibbles over terminology instead of ideas, one of which was to abandon the idea of an ever-expanding acronym and tie into a thread in the larger “queer debates” using, first, “Gender and Sexual Minorities,” or GSM. This was a preexisting term from scientific literature, which was eventually it’s downfall. Apparently (I never actually got to the source of the claim, and by this point I was burning out), the scientist who coined it was Bad, and thus MOGAI was born.

Alexandre’s video talks about all the people involved in “MOGAI” being 14, so maybe we should cut them some slack, and I have no doubt this was true of many of the people engaging in the coining of endless theoretical identity terms a person could conceivably have or drawing yet another set of horizontal lines to symbolize it. But I think that’s a...polite whitewashing of the situation. The majority of the people in my environs were in their early-to-mid 20s, and the people in the larger discussion about abandoning the idea of an all-inclusive acronym skewed not insignificantly older. And even more inconveniently: asexuality was “MOGAI.” I was only a spectator to it, but I don’t think I would be out of line to say that pansexuality and non-binarity were “MOGAI.”

People seem to have thoroughly forgotten this (thanks in no small part to the refusal of people to give up when faced with these apparently brick walls), and to a certain extent it’s possible the people involved let it be forgotten because we were pragmatists looking for actual change and there’s clearly no percentage in being associated with something called “MOGAI hell.” But I wonder if that legacy is why I am so instinctively wary of engaging with content talking about “MOGAI” and if that is, perhaps unconsciously, the reason we have inherited a different, more specific vocabulary for this phenomenon?

#asexuality #community #vocabulary #history #lgbtq

[kuixotic]

tagged by @currentlycryingaboutlancelot for this!

Rules: answer the questions and tag fifteen mutuals

1. Are you named after anyone?

Technically yes, it’s more accurate that I inherited the first letter of my name from my abuela-but my name came from a perfume I think-

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhhhhhh- (has lost the ability to cry and can’t recall when the last time was)

3. Do you have kids?

Does my dog count-

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Oh I breathe it, whenever I enter voice chats I’m already at everyone’s throats it’s so funny. I just...yeah

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Hmmmmm, I guess the way they interact? How they hold themselves and greet someone or acknowledge another person 

6. What’s your eye colour?

Once green now brown

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Thanks to a buddy of mine I’ve been enjoying classic slasher movies as of recent, but I think I enjoy my happy endings c: especially ones that come after a storyline of absolute hardships and completely dismal conditions-coming out fine in the end just Does Things to me

8. Any special talents?

Uhhhh, I can usually identify instruments in tracks really quickly especially if they’re considered a niche instrument. Does worldbuilding also count? Because apparently I give very good and useful ideas to friends on the fly when they need me to act as a rubber duck for their projects

9. Where were you born?

The North ™

10. What are your hobbies?

Art! And listening to music. Does making character playlists count? I don’t do that TOO too much but I like adding stuff to ones I already have. Just general thinking and worldbuilding in my head is a favorite pastime too

11. Have you any pets?

My dog! My little ol man Milo c:

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I’m counting marching band as a sport here-in which I did 4 years/all of high school in the drumline, being drum captain/section leader for junior and senior years

13. How tall are you?

I... am 5′0 😔

14. Favorite subject in school?

I really enjoyed music for obvious reasons, but my physics teacher in high school made his class fun c: I also greatly enjoy astronomy and anthropology, as well as humanities 

15. Dream job?

My MOST ideal would’ve been a music teacher, something the likes of charity work in teaching music to disenfranchised youth. Ethnomusicology is right up there too since it would combine my love of music with anthropology. While I can’t do that now(because music school terrifies me and I am VERY rusty as I haven’t played music seriously in over 6 years), history is my next passion. I (finally) got my associates so now it’s time to move on up and get a degree in Latin American and/or Caribbean history, maybe doing something like being a historical consultant for things in the arts-or just in general honestly 

iiiiii,,,, don’t think i have 15 people who i dont know super well SO anyone can take this tag meme off their hands wheeee-

#god i miss these old school tag games #throwback to the 2011 days of tumblr i swear

[veresiine]

Headcanon and thoughts dump; the vast majority about Leon because I've been having almost nonstop blorbo thoughts for over half a year, but there's some stuff on some other SwSh characters too in the background.

Topics:

Ages

Battle Tower

Leon as League Administration

Darkest Day and Eternatus

On Dragapult

Hop and Leon's Family and Early Childhood

Consequences of this

Others' Family Backgrounds

Rose

Relationships and Orientations

How I got to be so obsessed anyway

Actual content under the cut due to length

Ages:

At the time of the game, Leon is 22, and Hop and the protagonist are 14-15 years old. Sonia is the same age as Leon, maybe a few months older. Raihan is maybe around two years older than Leon and Sonia. Nessa's around the same age but I'm hoping she's closer to Raihan's age than Leon's and Sonia's, because I sincerely hope she wasn't dealing with the double whammy of being a child athlete AND a child model for a long time, because that's just FAR too much pressure to put on someone, even if she seems so well-adjusted.

So this means that Leon was Champion for 12 years. Yes, in the fic I wrote, I'd had him 20 years old and champ for 10, but I have since changed my mind after thinking it over for a while.

Battle Tower:

In addition to actually winning and losing, Battle Tower gives points for battling style / showmanship, and takes points away for damage to the surroundings.

Leon is in charge of operating the tower and is also its final boss (most of the time; sometimes other pro trainers like Raihan or Mustard might step in briefly), but he's graded on the same system as everyone else, and he had lost quite a few points for damaging the battle area before he and his pokemon re-trained themselves to be more restrained and less destructively showy. It's a different style from how he battles in the stadium!

Leon also considered that the gym challenge requiring endorsements means both a lot of nepotism and also, talented trainers without connections being SOL; he's since added the ability to get an endorsement from Battle Tower performance.

Battle Tower supports itself financially both from a small entrance fee, and from virtual tickets to higher-level matches; all this gets turned around into paying the staff and providing prizes. This is not a for-profit thing; this is a "let's have fun and make each other stronger!" thing that has to be financially solvent to justify its existence to the League

Leon as League Administration:

Instead of one single assistant in everything (i.e. Oleana), Leon ends up with a group of 4-5 senior League staff he goes to for advice a lot, and who help keep him on track.

He's known half of them since he was a kid so at this point they're basically extended family

He was still pretty emotionally conflicted and fragile for a few months after the whole Darkest Day thing and then losing his title, and needed some time to regroup and find himself again. Leon was in touch with the League during this time, and trying to do his part to untangle the League and Macro Cosmos and deal with the fallout of the Darkest Day, but he wasn't doing anything in any official capacity; he just kind of stuck himself in the middle of things and did what he could, mental health permitting, in between training sessions.

And he wasn't actually offered the chairman position until those few months had passed and Leon had had some time to sort himself out, and some of the investigations had wrapped up, helping to clear the League's image.

Rose had Leon attend all kinds of events and sometimes listen in on meetings while he was Champion; it wasn't Rose's intent to train Leon to be his successor as chairman, but it does mean that Leon's not going in completely blind; he has some prior experience.

Leon is concerned about the League, yeah, but he mostly just wants the region's trainers to have fun as they reach for the top, provided they play fair. He's a lot more hands-off than Rose was, with one major exception:

During the gym challenges, he lets meetings slide a bit so he can watch as many of the battles as he can, and has taken to delivering little notes to the challengers, encouraging them or telling them an aspect of their style that really impressed him. And if a trainer is really struggling, he'll praise their perseverance.  He aims to get each challenger at least once in a season so no one feels left out; part of this is thinking back to Sonia.

And in the years after that, he extends the note thing to gym trainers and League staff as well during the challenge season, since they need encouragement too!

He really wishes there were more battles and fewer meetings, but that's part of what his involvement in battle tower is for; getting him to blow off steam so he can tackle more admin stuff.

Darkest Day and Eternatus:

Leon was up there fighting Eternatus for a few hours by the time Hop and the PC arrived to save the day; after all, the protagonist and Hop had time to fly to the opposite side of Galar, wander through the Slumbering Weald, get the artifacts, fly back up to Hammerlocke, battle Rose, and THEN finally confront Eternatus. With a battle that long, mistakes are inevitable.

There is security camera footage of the first 15-20 minutes of Leon vs Eternatus, but the cameras got knocked out after that.

I think the anime mentioned something about Galar particles converting to electrical power? And presumably they do so naturally at some rate, but can be more efficiently converted with the power of technology.

Before Dynamax bands were introduced to the stadiums, Magnolia had made SURE to test that the Galar particle exposure involved in using a Dynamax band had negligible side effects on trainer and pokemon, and had introduced some kind of shielding to make it even safer. The one dynamax per side per battle rule is also there out of an abundance of caution.

But that's Galar particles from a Power Spot, not a source of INFINITE Galar particles. Exposure to the levels Galar particles and electrical effects released by a rampaging ETERNATUS cannot be healthy, never mind whatever type of poison Eternatus is packing. Exactly what effect, temporary and lasting, all this had on Leon and his pokemon, I don't know, and I frequently change my mind and up the stakes, but whatever it did, it was bad, and some of it was permanent.

The player character, Hop, and their pokemon weren't facing Eternatus for anywhere near as long, so they shouldn't be as affected.

... Physically, anyhow. Everyone who was present for that battle is probably more than a little shaken-up, psychologically.

On Dragapult:

I love Charizard as much as the next person but I feel that Dragapult as a pokemon is a better representation of Leon

Dragapult is Galar's pseudo-legendary, and pseudo-legendaries usually go to / reflect champions.

Though it is not 1:1, as Hoenn had 2 pseudo-legendaries and while Steven and Metagross fit to a T, Salamance is just kinda there, vibes-wise. Being awesome without being linked to a trainer

Also Dragapult gives Leon 2 repeat types on his team; 2 dragon (haxorus and dragapult) and 2 ghost (aegislash and dragapult) and it's nice to have that theme/consistency.

And Dragapult's evos match his story a bit. Dreepy are super weak; Leon started out as a kid out in the middle of nowhere with only one friend and not much else going for him. Drakloak look after their younger evolutionary relatives, it's their whole Thing; Leon was left to raise his younger brother, and also his entire dream is to look after / inspire all Galar's other trainers to encourage their growth. And then Dragapult is a pseudo-legendary; Leon's a champion for a long time, and Dragapult have the whole thing about lock-on and targeting; pokemas Leon has a special skill that makes his moves NEVER MISS, regardless of base accuracy (this only applies to Leon's sync pair with Charizard though).

Also I like the idea of there just being Dreepies everywhere, and all the Dreepies flocking to Leon as much as they do to Dragapult; he's totally their dad too.

Hop and Leon's Family and Early Childhood:

Leon and Hop's grandparents' are their mum's parents; their dad married in and wasn't particularly well-liked by the grandparents. When Leon was little, they tried not to argue in front of him, for his sake, but Leon probably picked up on some of the tension anyway.

Then the dad got sick when Leon was around 5; mum was busy being his caregiver, and the grandparents were busy with tending the wooloo flock and also errands; this left Leon to pick up some of the household labor in the form of more chores than expected of a kid that age. Mum was concerned about offloading too much onto her kid, but the grandparents didn't really care.

Then mum was pregnant with Hop and that meant that she couldn't do as much around the house, and so more work fell to Leon. Then Hop was born, and their dad was taking a turn for the worse, and it was not a very happy situation to grow up in, even if Hop and Leon's actual parents did care about their sons and wanted them to have a happy childhood, but unfortunately, circumstances didn't work out that way, and the grandparents were borderline neglectful, in part because of their feelings about their daughter's husband.

So yes! Leon does have some domestic skills! Like cooking and cleaning and the like! He's not great at it, since he hasn't had much practice since he became Champion, but the basics are in there somewhere!

This is also where we get Sonia's observations, both in-game and in the anime, that Leon didn't have time to spend with other kids, because he was busy helping around the house and with his little brother, and 'practically raised' Hop. Which isn't to say that their mother did nothing! She certainly tried, and after the dad finally passed away, and she'd had some time to mourn, she made a point of trying to do more for her kids and to get them to have more happy childhood memories.

This is how Leon ends up going somewhere and getting his Charmander. I've heard theories that he must've gotten him from Mustard on the Isle of Armor (and that's probably when he trained there) and I am definitely not opposed to this (it makes sense!) but also haven't directly addressed it.

Hop would have been 3 years old or so at the time Leon left on the gym challenge, old enough to remember his promise about becoming Champion.

Consequences of this:

Hop never knew his father; he died when Hop was too young to remember. Leon is the closest person to filling that role for Hop.

Leon does remember his father, but not very well. He mostly remembers how much his father meant to his mum, and how much his death broke her. He does have a few good memories of his dad playing with him and reading stories to him, but as the years passed, he realized that Rose had ended up being more of a father figure to him than his own dad had a chance to be.

No one in the family really talks about Leon and Hop's father; Hop learned quickly that asking his mum made her sad, asking his grandparents made them angry, and asking Leon mostly got him shrugs as answers.

Mum is very protective of her kids' health after what happened with their father; this is part of what caused Leon to take such an interest in fitness, as a way of saying 'don't worry, mum!' He does really enjoy being physically active in general, and always has, but that's an additional layer on top of it.

Leon probably had her worried sick with all his wandering around lost; she was extremely grateful for Sonia (and Yamper) for bringing him back from wherever he'd ended up. She's glad that Hop doesn't have the same issues, and only ends up in the middle of nowhere if he wants to.

Because Hop didn't bear as much witness to hostilities from his grandparents, he takes more interest in them and their Wooloo flock than Leon did, and his grandparents are the ones to let him pick his favorite Wooloo to be his own personal pokemon.

Leon actively tried to keep Hop away from the spotlight so he'd have a chance to have a normal childhood; Rose encouraged this as well, but Leon eventually decided that Hop was ready to give it a shot (as of the start of the game), since he wanted his little brother to have a chance at having an adventure with pokemon, too, as much as he hoped Hop wouldn't have to deal with all the pressures and expectations of the public. This caused some friction with Rose, but they talked it out and smoothed things over eventually.

Others' Family Backgrounds:

Sonia is not Magnolia's only grandchild, but she is the only one who's stayed in the area. Magnolia had a few kids; at least one of them moved to a different region following their career path. Some of her grandchildren probably did, too.

Sonia is also one of, if not the oldest of Magnolia's grandchildren.

Raihan has a sister who works in the archives. He lived with his sister, away from his parents, for a few months, before going to live entirely on his own. The circumstances behind this change pretty much every time I bounce them around in my head.

At least one of Raihan's parents is/was an architect.

Rose:

HHHHHHHHHH

I've considered the possibility that Rose gave Leon his Aegislash (either at its current evolutionary form or earlier ones), since Rose is a Steel-type specialist, and also there's Aegislash's whole pokedex entry about it sometimes being manipulative.

Macro Cosmos and the League being so closely tied together is only a recent development, and it's Rose's doing. Separating the two entities is going to be a long process.

Rose genuinely feels terrible about how things turned out. He didn't want anyone to get hurt (physically, anyhow); though he had accepted it as a possibility, he wanted to avoid it in possible, and thought that no matter what happened, it would be worth it in the end. Spoiler alert: it wasn't. He screwed up big time, and I hope he realizes WHY he screwed up.

That said, I HC he was the immediate successor of that one Chairman who tried to rig matches, causing Mustard to leave the League, and because of that, Rose is very popular for having 'drained the swamp' in his own time. League veterans like Opal and Kabu really appreciated him for that. Opal appreciates him significantly less now that she’s gotten Bede to open up to her.

Relationships and Orientations:

Nessa and Sonia are in a relationship

Other than that it's just a big murky mess of 'I make every character I get my hands on bi and/or aspec, though exactly what flavor combination depends on the weather, the day of the week, and what's on sale at the grocery store'

How I got to be so obsessed anyway:

I didn't actually like Leon at first. He and Hop gave me name-related psychic damage (I could explain but that would require at least 3 paragraphs of personally identifiable information as context), and his initial interactions with Sonia rubbed me the wrong way.

After that rough introduction, it was 'ah it's this guy again;' he existed and I had no strong feelings one way or another. He still annoyed me slightly, but he was helpful and clearly trying his best.

Then he had Charizard shield Hop and the player, and I decided that if nothing else, I appreciated how much he cared, and what he was willing to do.

And then

AND THEN

His losing animation hit me right in the feels. When I saw him pull his cap over his eyes, my first thought was "I understand this man on a spiritual level". Everything about that animation was perfect. I could see myself in him. Everything fit into place. Terrible sense of direction? Check. And that's not something I often see in fiction; I guess there is Ace from HnKnA but I'm not a fan of yanderes, thanks. Hiding emotions behind a hat? Check. That was a staple of high school me. The anger, but forcing it down and letting it go? Over the course of a few seconds? *chef’s kiss*.

More importantly, pushing himself to be the strongest, to help others, to bring them up to his level, to entertain, and to protect the region? That's the exact kind of power fantasy I used to try to live in MMOs and part of why I (almost) always play a tank. And of course, with being a tank comes having an ego, but Leon doesn't put people down to build himself up, which is really nice to see in such a confident character.

Then everything I learned about him after that just made me love him more.

TWILIGHT WINGS. All of it. That honestly made me go from loving Leon to loving all of the SwSh cast, honestly; it even got me to sympathize with Oleana! I mean yes, what she did to Bede (and to Goh and Sonia in the anime) was beyond messed up and I am not justifying her actions, but at the same time, I appreciate her character.

Battle Tower outfit 12/10! A solid half of my blorbos over the years are fancy bastard wizards and battle tower Leon gets to look the part too! It's great!

I love how the anime and pokemon masters fleshed out his interactions with other characters, especially with Sonia and Raihan.

I could go on and on and on but I won't, especially as there's some self-recognition through the blorbo I'm not ready to admit to

#Pokemon #Leon #just putting out the things that have been rattling around in my skull for a while #I don't have the energy to write another fic or even re-visit the one I wrote a few months ago #but I figure this whole list might give someone some nice food to chew on so I might as well put this out here #Champion Leon #My writing #to file it for my own purposes even if it's not actually a fic

[letterstobojack]

IT GETS EASIER.... it really does.

Hey Boj,

Hehe,well anyways my whole life I've dealt with depression,alcoholic/abusive mother,suicidal thoughts/self harm,in and out of foster care,and just horrible family and "friends" around me. I dealt with a negative mindset or" rain cloud" over my head & heart which made me emotionally numb to care about myself and others,just hating myself the most. I got into my dads custody around 15 after my mom abandoned me(while we were living in a halfway house and shelter that we eneded up in because of her addiction)at 14 just few weeks shy of my birthday,which put me in foster care for the 3rd time,my dad smokes pot so he had to drop pot for a full year right then and there till he got full custody of me. I love my dad hes just very narcissistic,and abusive when hes angry which is a lot, but hes sadly all I have left. I was still depressed,I was diagnosed with PTSD from everything I endured with my mother,btw I've been diagnosed with adhd,depression,panic and anxiety attacks, and in therapy since I was 5yrs old. So I already had a track record with my mental health and now I had literal abandonment issues. I started to self harm I didnt want to live,I felt that I wasnt worth it,anyways fast forward a year into being with my dad we had to move cause the people we rented from lost their house to gambling issues,so we saved up money n left, but while were between places I'm working my hardest to graduate early which i did so we didnt have a reason to come back a whole county over every day. After we finally moved in and I graduated I had an online friend recommend ur show to me,I almost clicked off after the first epsiode not gonna lie,but I stuck thru it because if people just left after the first time with me they wouldn't get to know me or even be in my life. I stuck through it,had just turned 18 I didnt work for the first 6 months of being 18 through out those 6 months I watched all the 4 seasons that were currently out over and over all day, everyday. Why?cause I fell in love with ur show,and needed to understand it more,I didnt understand some episodes till like the 10th time watching. In the words of Wanda"some things take time". I related to you so much,bojack,from unloving,neglectful parents to just wanting to be something and people to like you even in your self destructive behavior. Feeling nothing on the inside or nothing on the outside. When you started you're brand new attitude or BNA, it really inspired me,but it really hit me when you went back to look for CuddlyWhiskers. When he said " takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, and even longer that it doesnt have to be that way. Only after you give up everything can you begin to find a way to be happy." . That really hit me hard,its like a flip switched in my body,I seen things on the other side of the glass for once. I "woke up" sorta.... I realized i am more than my sadness or pain. I smoked a lot of pot and eventually went cold turkey and sober from everything. I wanted to find myself,care for myself, care about me the way I so sadly craved for others to care about me. I started my BNA. I wanted this for me and only me,cause I'm the only one that needed to matter in my world not others. Call me selfish but for the first time in my life I was happy. It took so long for me to truly see how miserable I was,and longer to see the option was always there for me to flip the script.  Thank you so much,ik in life we naturally grow in our minds,but I dont think without ur show I wouldn't of clicked so soon or at all to be honest. I didnt think there was someone or anyone who could see things how I did or do. Let alone a talking horse who stands on his own 2 legs and stars in his own movie with a on and off cat gf/agent in the town of Hollywoo. Thank you for being real,raw,and such a genuine display of emotions,nothing was sugar coated things were hit head on. I dont self harm anymore,I rarely have any anxiety or panic attacks,I'm definitely not depressed anymore, I somehow see the cup half empty n half full at the same time. I guess it keeps me sane knowing theres bad and good,and that those options are there and you have to make the beat of which ever you are handed with. Thank you Bojack Horseman,Princess Carolyn,Todd Chavez,Sarah Lynn,Diane Nguyen,even ....ugh Mr.Peanutbutter *face palm*. You all made this show amazing,and this show made my life easier and understandable for the first time. This show did something for me that Doctors, Therapists, prescriptions,religion, family,friends, the system never did for me. This show helped me and most importantly showed me to help myself. Thank you so much!!!! I can not even begin to explain my gratitude for this show and the characters lasting effect on my heart. You saved me from the tar I let myself fall into. I was able to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I've shared what I learned with others and saved some friends IRL and online from the tar that effects us in life. I'm not saying I have all the answers but I sure know that life will not always be this way and that there is hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if u have to crawl ur way there and leave some people behind cause those things and people will thrash  and struggle and try to take you down with them. You have to find ur way up from whatevers putting you down. See things from the other side. Not many people know it doesnt have to be this way even if that sounds easy it's really not,but knowing it can be helps and those around you willing to help really helps. Thank you for being there for me,thank you for showing me you can do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around,cause that's what it's all about. 😭 I CAN NOT THANK YOU ENOUGH THE ENDING BREAKS MY HEART BUT IT BRINGS IT BACK TOGETHER IN A WHOLE NEW WAY.IM HAPPY SEEING ALL OF YOU HAVE A POSITIVE ENDING A TURN AROUND OR TURNING YOURSELF AROUND 😂💕 THANK YOU BOJ, I WILL MISS YOU DEARLY BUT WILL ALWAYS CARRY WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME

LOVE,SOPHIA DEMARTINO OF FULLERTON,CALIFORNIA,USA. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH💕💕💕💕💕 

P.S. thank you,again,obviously.... 

[indyflanery]

8, 14, 17 🙂

8. What is the strangest muse you have ever picked up to write, or the most difficult?

The strangest I would say would be the VERY short attempt at real-person RP I managed to get talked into very early on in my tumblr days. I’d rather not go into details, but let’s just say it was sooooo strange. Thank God for grad school as a good excuse to get out of it. 

14. What is your opinion on formatting, editing and icons within the community? How do you style your own, do they differ from muse to muse? 

Pftt. I work on design half the week at work, I have no desire to go all fancy with icons. I just trim and size down screenshots. They’re just visualizations that aide the main content, which is the writing. I see no point in making them stylized. If other people want to put effort into it because they enjoy it as part of how they RP, more power to them. And since Indy’s the only blog I have, there’s been no differentiation in that over the course of 9 years.  

17. Are you confident in sending memes, liking for starters, etc.? Is there anything you’d like your followers to know about your anxiety?

For starters, as someone who has moderate to severe anxiety issues and has multiple meds to help control it, I don’t count sending memes as an anxiety thing. It’s not going to wake me up in the middle of the night and disallow me getting back to sleep for hours at a time if I don’t get a meme sent to me. While I don’t discount what can trigger anyone’s anxiety, this really is a misnomer and should be more of a ‘stressor’ than ‘anxiety’ thing. If you’re having anxiety/panic attacks over RP memes on tumblr, you need to reevaluate a few things and start putting up a real world/RP wall. 

Now that I’m done ranting about that, when I first started writing on here, I used to care so much about getting memes sent to me/sending memes/liking for starters. Now that I’ve been around long enough, I’ve become incredibly jaded and am selective about sending them/posting them/starters. I’ve lost track of how many times people I was mutuals with didn’t bother replying or just ignored everything I sent/anything we tried plotting and it’s made me develop an unofficial policy that I am unlikely to send something/post a starter first unless I’ve known you a long time and you’ve proven that you’re not going to flake out on me. 

#asks #therapardalis #*field notes* (ooc)

[starlight-time-machine]

Week in Review

10/08/2023 – 10/14/2023

Sunday

I have a tradition on Sundays I like to call, unimaginatively, Manga Sundays, where I catch up on all the manga I follow on the Manga Plus app.

MamaYuyu has unique and interesting panelling as always, but I’m not sure if the story can stand on its own.

Handsome Must Die is just stupid fun and I’m glad that the nice looking kid flipped the bird and that the evil kid is getting his proper redemption arc.

Undead Unluck is fantastic, and I love that Latla and Rip share the leg weapon now – this feels like one of the first big shifts in a character setting we’ve seen this loop, other than everyone avoiding/circumventing their tragedies, which are a given.

The Ichinose Family has completely lost me, but at least the emotional moments still come through clearly – Taizan 5 definitely has a flair for melodrama (this isn’t a dig).

The power stats in the Oshi no Ko are fun, and the last page was definitely impactful.

Dandadan is as chaotic as usual, and I can’t wait to see what supernatural or sci-fi or who even knows at this point power up the Class Rep gets from being caught up in this friend group. I loved her vampire fantasies, they felt very true to what a teenage girl would write self-insert fanfics about. I do wish Momo and Okarun would get together already, but that’ll probably have to wait until after this new ghost themed arc.

Marriagetoxin is alright, I’m glad to have a romance themed chapter again after all those action chapters I skimmed through. Erina is a cute little boss.

Magilumiere’s new shady private investor character is fine, I like his design but I don’t really care about his investing strategy when I already know him joining the team is a foregone conclusion.

Akane-banashi is a series I keep up with purely because it’s about rakugo (and I like Karashi), but it’s never really grabbed me despite being about a topic I enjoy. I don’t know, most of the art is pretty whatever to me, and its attempts to make rakugo seem interesting don’t interest me, even though I already like rakugo. I have no idea how it has captured the attention of the typical Shounen Jump crowd, but I suppose I’ll be grateful for it since I’m invested in the wellbeing of rakugo as an art form.

One Piece…I’ll admit that I don’t really know what’s going on in One Piece anymore, since I can’t keep track of all the characters and politics and powers straight in my head and I tend to just skim chapters until something cool happens. The old man spider looks cool, though I have no earthly idea why he’s so revered and feared. Eventually I’ll pick up the anime again – I’ll probably retain things better when I watch them as whole arcs at a time. (I also want to rewatch Water 7/Enies Lobby…)

And finally, I always leave Cipher Academy for last on Manga Sundays, because I love Cipher Academy soooooo much. I love all the characters, all the character designs, the puzzles, the art, the Nisioisin-isms, the list goes on. The first Tayutan vs Iroha Code Battle absolutely blew my mind and I felt a renewed love for the comics medium, so I’ve been hooked ever since. This chapter was really fun: I feel a little proud of myself for seeing through the ‘trick’ this time, even though it was pretty blatantly telegraphed with the close up on the arrow. Nohime is also looking gorgeous as usual, and I’m happy to get some lore about her. And of course Byu is checking out the tables for hiding spots. I wonder if Iroha and/or Shitsuke let the bomb explode to open a hole down into the lower floors? Feels very Stardew Valley Skull Cavern to me.

My friend and I have been watching House M. D. together over Discord – she’s watching for the first time while I’m rewatching. Today we finished off S3, and none of the episodes left a particularly deep impression on me. I’m going to miss the Chase Foreman Cameron team though.

Monday

The new Make Some Noise episode is okay, I’m not really vibing with the prompts…but I always enjoy seeing Jacob Wysocki, he’s one of my favourite Dropout cast members.

More House M.D. – the competition style arc at the start of S4 is pretty fun, but the medical mysteries are not interesting me in the slightest. The House/Wilson moments are great though.

I tried watching the first episode of Ascendance of a Bookworm, and it’s cute enough, but the low production quality is a pretty big turn off…I think I’m just going to read the manga. But this means that Fall 2019 gets a whopping 0 shows in my Anime by Season statistics, which is a far cry from the 14 shows of Spring 2016 (then again, I was in high school at the time, which meant that I had more free time and lower standards). Also yes…I’m so far behind on anime that I’m still working through 2019 shows…

Tuesday

Started the day off with the latest Chainsaw Man chapter, since I’ll get spoilers on Twitter if I left it until Manga Sunday. I would love to be a Devil Name Consultant.

Read through the first part of the Ascendance of a Bookworm manga. I like how tiny and cute Myne is, and these types of isekai stories where the protagonist uses their knowledge of modern technology to advance in society are just about the only kind of isekai I can tolerate. It’s a bit silly that she just happens to know all these handicrafts from doing things with her mom though. I think they could’ve just explained it with her already established book obsession. It’s interesting that she revealed her true self to Lutz so early – I haven’t read a lot of isekai but it doesn’t seem like this is a common trope. Usually it seems like the protagonist assimilates easily into their new world and has fun adventures, but this is an interesting development to their relationship. I also love the business wheeling and dealing, and it’s always fun when it’s a little kid doing it. Some of the plot progressions felt a bit weirdly paced to me, and the manga’s structure isn’t anything too inspired, but the story is interesting enough to keep me reading.

Skimmed through the latest chapter of Gakuen Babysitters. I basically only read it to get a dose of cuteness, but I still hang on for the Ryuuichi and Hayato interactions, which are few and far between these days.

Also read the latest chapter of Scary Campus College University. I’m not really digging this Cultural Festival arc because I don’t really care about the backstory stuff, but Fujimiya’s turn has been fun to see, and I’m looking forward to seeing the confrontation between him and Mahina.

Watched some more House with my friend. I’m not enjoying the gimmicky patients like the girl who could see ghosts or the guy who can magically read your insecurities and mirror them back at you. The CIA episode was pretty fun though.

I tried watching Catch Me If You Can, but I wasn’t really feeling it and stopped. This means I can finally continue my daily Movie Roulette though, so that should be fun for tomorrow.

Wednesday

The new Dirty Laundry episode was decently fun, it’s interesting to see guests who I’m actually pretty familiar with for once. The stories weren’t particularly exciting though.

Read the new Asper Kanojo chapter. Anyway,

Read the first few chapters of Shiroyama to Mito-san. I’m really looking forward to seeing how this oddball romance progresses.

Today’s Movie Roulette choice was Fantastic Mr. Fox, which my friend has been wanting me to watch for ages so we watched it together on Discord. It was pretty fun, though the stop motion animation and stares into the camera wigged me out a bit. I’m still not sure how I feel about Wes Anderson’s Wes Andersonisms, but the new Henry Sugar movie is on my list and I actually do love that book so we’ll see…

Thursday

I finally finished reading Sammy Keyes and the Curse of Moustache Mary, which I started weeks ago and haven’t had time to return to until now. Sammy Keyes is one of my favourite childhood book series – I love Sammy’s boldness and resourcefulness, I like that the books are written like kid-friendly noir mysteries, and I like the characters and all their developing dynamics. This instalment was a pretty fun romp, and I was surprised to see a kid’s book talk about meth? As a kid I only remembered the pig (I don’t think I got that far into this one, or reread it a whole bunch). I really didn’t appreciate the slurs though, intentional or otherwise.

I’ve had an on and off headache for like three days now, and I wanted something soothing to watch while I ate dinner so I put on Heya Camp, which was about 30 minutes total for 12 episodes. It was perfectly fine and cute, not much else to say about it. I’m looking forward to getting back into Yuru Camp proper though.

Today’s Movie Roulette choice is In & Of Itself, which I had put on my list because I heard that it was life changing. It didn’t really do that for me, but it was fine. I enjoyed the magic tricks. I think if I were one of those people in the physical audience who he would look in the eye and identify, it’d be emotionally moving, but other than that the platitudes of perspective and identity weren’t all that mind blowing to me. But with this, I’m officially down to 100 movies left on my to watch list!

And then, because I couldn’t help myself, I started the next Sammy Keyes book, which is the Hollywood Mummy. It’s the first Sammy and Lana centric story in the series and I remember nothing about it, so I’m pretty excited.

Friday

I watched some more House with my friend. This crop of episodes was pretty good, with the Christmas one being a highlight. I’m definitely enjoying the more lighthearted silly sideplots than the ones about House brooding about his pain or addiction.

Managed to read the latest chapter of Akuheki before passing out from sleepiness. Today was a very toxic yaoi kind of day, huh? I always enjoy the complexity of the main couple’s relationship in this BL, which is pretty rare to find. And oh my godddddd when Daimon was presented on stage as an object…this is the good stuff.

Saturday

And now to catch up on the BL series I’m following (which I was going to do on Friday night, but oh well). First up is A Second Goodbye to You, which I feel like only barely counts as a BL at this stage? But I’m enjoying the intrigue and the thriller aspects of the story, even if it feels a little like they’re just systematically placing the suspicion onto each person involved in turn. And after the third “Everything’s going to be okay! Oh no someone died!” twist it gets a little tiring. The reporter is an interesting new addition – I really hope he can just help Harusawa out because he’s definitely in over his head.

Next is the latest chapter of Memeshii Aku to Azatoi Suh, which I find to be generally pretty silly and I’ve only gotten this far because I enjoyed the original manga that this is a spin-off of. This chapter was like a lecture on slut-shaming and consensual sex lol. But good for them, now they can get together without reservations.

I watched the first episode of Spy x Family season 2 over dinner, and it was fun! Just more of the same, which is a good thing when the quality’s already pretty high. I enjoyed the experimental animation in the opening and ending, and I’m always down for a Loid/Yor shippy episode.

We’re nearing the end of House season 4 now with a solid batch of episodes. I realize now that I actually like this new team more than the original team – Thirteen is cool, Taub is cunty (this is a compliment) and Kutner is just chilling. Plus Foreman is still there, and he’s my favourite from the original trio. The episode where House diagnoses someone by watching a soap opera is a fun setup, though the ending felt pretty rushed and anticlimactic. My friend and I don’t like the Wilson/Amber pairing, but we do love that it brings out House’s jealousy and plenty of Hilson moments. We’ve left the two part season finale for tomorrow, which should be fun.

Went back and watched the second episode of SpyFam since it was available. And man they really tried their best to fill out the Bond centric segment huh…and it’s like, I like Bond as an addition to the family, but it’s hard for him to carry a storyline by himself. The Damian segment was a lot more fun – I like that shot of Damian with his little cape looking up at the sky. And I like that his friends are a little more fleshed out and that they’re his actual friends, not just henchmen. Pretty cute episode, if a bit slow.

Okay wow I’m only halfway through Undead Unluck episode 2 but I needed to write down my thoughts in case I forget anything. I love the stylistic choices and directing style here, it feels like they’re really taking advantage of the medium to elevate the story and the atmosphere rather than just adapting the manga panel for panel (cough SpyFam is sometimes a little guilty of this when it’s not doing big action set pieces cough). But the big blue sky framing and the stylistic cut into the title card and the UNAVOIDABLE cut was pretty perfect, and captured the impactful energy of the manga’s style. Hanae Natsuki as Shen is also sooooooo good, and I’ve always loved how interesting the Union felt like as villains – knowing what I know now, everything makes sense, but when I first read the manga it was really refreshing to have an antagonistic force that could be negotiated with and seemed to have its own altruistic goals, and also crazy to see people actually die and for those deaths to have consequences on the story…a shocking concept, in shounen battle manga. I really love Undead Unluck’s commitment to its own setting and exploring all its possibilities (well maybe not in the romance department. Which, while refreshing, is very straight lmao).

Also they haven’t announced who voices Mui yet, but I have my fingers crossed really really really really really hard that it’s someone who can speak Chinese…I get why Shen didn’t get that (I don’t even know of a male seiyuu who speaks Chinese) but I have two female Chinese seiyuu in mind who’d be great for Mui…Homoto Akina perhaps…and totally not just because I love her Love Live character…but pleaseeeee I’d love to hear some real Chinese in the anime. The opening was fun and stylish, but I have to admit I was a little disappointed by Queen Bee’s song for it. It was just more lowkey than I would’ve expected…it’s heartening to see so many characters show up in the opening, though. It seems like they’re in it for the long haul and I really do hope we get to see the entire manga adapted. The directing in this episode feels like they’re setting up how this will be a grand adventure, and I can’t wait to watch it play out. I just feel reassured that the people working on this anime really understand what makes Undead Unluck so magical, and their love can be felt through the work.

Wow I’ve never noticed that little opening on Shen’s waist…hip window… Also man I appreciate them animating Andy’s dick censor, it’s pretty funny how it flops around.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO OKAY JUST GOT TO WHERE HANAE NATSUKI TRIES HIS BEST TO SPEAK CHINESE…I’M ROOTING FOR  YOU MAN…

I completely forgot how Shen just sells out a member of the Union for seemingly his own amusement. It definitely sowed the seed for how interesting of a character he is…and why he’s my favourite heh. And wow that ending was beautiful…

I’ve written so much about Undead Unluck that it’s a little embarrassing ha, but I love this story so much and it’s amazing to see such a great adaptation of it. I love feeling like I’m about to set out on an amazing world-spanning journey…it almost feels like when I watched One Piece for the first time as a ten year old. I’ll definitely be tuning in every week.

And that’s it for my first Week in Review! (I’m forcibly ending it here so that I go to bed and not watch any more shows or read a book.) As you can see, I can talk a lot about things that don’t matter to anyone but myself because I think I’m soooo interesting (this is only half sarcastic). If anyone ever even sees this, I’ll be amazed. But until then, I’ll just be here talking to myself.

#week in review #2023