#I’ve been up since 1am for work and I feel like I’m dying

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Edge of Seventeen - Chapter Four.

Even though I’m a Brit and don’t celebrate it, since it’s Thanksgiving, and I’m thankful for my beautiful audience, I thought I’d surprise update WITH THE SEX CHAPTER! Thanks to all of you who are leaving comments, reviews and reblogging. To those who are just clicking like, can I tempt you into speaking? I don’t bite... ;) 

Previous chapters - One  Two  Three

Tag list - In the comments

Words - 3,340

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

“Woah,” Angel exclaimed, walking into Bella’s house behind her at 1am, after she’d played the gig and they’d stayed to hang out and party for a while. “That’s a whole lot of plants.”  

Bella nodded vigorously. “Standard for a botanist hippie!”  

Practically every shelf and surface of the La Jolla beach house was covered in greenery, or things that flowered, creeper vines twisting around lamps, the smell from the many potted specimens perfuming the air, Angel liking how eclectic and cosy it was. “You and your mom have got a real nice place.”

“isn’t it cute?” Bella agreed, opening the fridge and pulling out a couple of beers. “I took the liberty of getting you these earlier. Apparently, my fake ID works just fine at most grocery stores, too!” There were some places that refused it, such as the bar he’d first met her in, but mostly, she got away with it. It was a very convincing one, after all. Looking at least twenty-one did help, though. “You go take a seat; I’m going to jump in the shower. I bet I’ve got disco minge, and that’s the last thing you’ll want to come anywhere near.”

He was so glad he hadn’t yet lifted the bottle of beer to his lips, absolutely cracking up. He understood the colloquialism, of course getting used to her different terms for things now, the phrase disco minge meaning that Bella thought she had a sweaty crotch. He hadn’t been able to breathe for a good ten minutes after he’d first heard her use it. While get got settled on the couch, checking messages on his phone, Bella was up in the shower, panicking.  

“Okay, hair was washed this morning, did the big shave then, too,” she spoke to herself, running a sudsy sponge all over herself, her heart racing. “What if he thinks I’m too skinny? I’ve got knobbly knees, and cellulite on the back of my thighs, although the tan helps with that. Ugh, is that a spot I can feel on my arse? Oh no, it is! I’ve got a spot on my arse!”  

Stomping her foot in the shower cubicle, she rinsed and dried off, wrapping herself in the big, fluffy, grey towel, turning to look at her rear in the full-length mirror, assessing the damage. “Hmm, it’s not that big. I just have to hope he doesn’t notice it. Still, though. Fuck!” Drying off, she smothered herself in lotion, spritzed on some perfume and applied her face moisturiser and a little twist of her cream blush. It was in the shade Orgasm, by NARS. She knew she’d likely be having lots of them that night, should she be able to get over her body hang ups for long enough to enjoy the inevitable.  

Lining her eyes and smearing a little lip balm on, she unfastened her hair from the long side braid she’d worn all evening, ruffling it before putting on a simple black playsuit, forgoing underwear. It was just something else to take off. Looking at herself in the mirror, she was pleased with her appearance, body confidence issues aside. She then stopped, staring at herself for a moment. Angel was crazy about her, this she knew, and absolutely dying to have sex with her. Would a spot on her bum, knobbly knees or a little dimpled flesh really put him off? When everything else between them was so effortless, why shouldn’t sex be, too?  

“I was beginning to think I’d lost you to the plughole,” he commented, standing in the doorway where the French windows opened onto the decking at the rear of the house, enjoying the sound of the sea. “Here, you want some?” Bella thought she’d recognised the slight smell lingering, lighting the candles dotted around the lounge and throwing a fire log on the fireplace, igniting that also. When you were right by the sea, the nights did get chilly.  

“You don’t have to smoke that outside, although I appreciate you for having the manners to do so,” she began, walking over to him and taking the joint. “Mum smokes it, so she wouldn’t mind.” Bella didn’t partake often, on account of the fact she found it affected her voice, but at that moment she did feel like she needed the lowered inhibitions a tad, something to take the lingering edge off her nerves.  

A few little puffs and she felt much calmer, passing it back, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting herself against him, her cheek finding the thick muscle of his chest. Just that alone began to act as a bit of an aphrodisiac to her, Bella suddenly remembering something; in taking off her clothes, she got to see him without his on, too. Naked Angel. That was a sight she’d been quietly anticipating with excitement for the last three weeks.  

“Whatcha thinking about?” he asked, his hand stroking the curve of her waist, glancing up to see the sky looking as if glitter had been tipped out over it. The stars seemed much brighter and more plentiful in La Jolla.  

“Honestly?”  

He laughed softly through his nose. “Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

“You, topless.” He laughed throatily, handing her the joint before taking his hoodie off, throwing it onto the nearby armchair, his black vest following shortly after.  

“There, you don’t get to think about it any longer, because it’s right here.” At the sight of his chest and abs in the flesh for the first time, Bella felt something roll through her stomach, a very pleasant flutter.

“Ohhh, blimey.” She took a drag on the joint, and then another, her eyes wide. And then a third. “Bloody hell!” Her continued exclamations made Angel laugh quietly, “So, that’s what two hours a day at the gym looks like, then?” she then commented, handing him the joint back, moving to resume her previous position. Oh, his skin was fucking gorgeous, as well. And he smelled even better with her nose right against him.  

“It is, yeah, that and not eating much bread or sugar, unless very occasionally. No bad carbs, it fucking sucks, but the reaction you just gave me is worth it. I’m sure I’ll have one of my own when you let me take this little thing off of you,” he murmured, kissing her hair, his fingers tugging at the ruched waist of her playsuit. A little bit of worry formed in her tummy again, but she quickly made it subside by looking up at him, stroking his face and pulling him down to her level for a kiss.  

While she enjoyed the sumptuous feeling of his tongue rolling against hers, her fingers delighting in taking a tour of his chiselled muscles, she remembered back to a conversation she and the girls at the salon she had her Saturday job at a few weeks ago, where a regular had been discussing her apprehension over taking the next step in her own relationship. Colourist Gloria had been quick to offer some sage advice. ‘If you’re nervous, take the lead. Believe me, mami, there is nothing that’ll boost your confidence more than turning your man to putty in your hands!’  

And so, she did.  

With their kisses heating up, Bella could feel his cock beginning to stir at the front of his jeans, her nails grazing down over his abs, smoothing her palm over it, Angel grunting softly into her mouth. Her lips left his, kissing his neck, her senses swirling as she began to unfasten his belt and fly, her lips leaving a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses down the centre of his chest, her hands tugging down his jeans and boxers as she crouched... and then came face to face with...

“Shitting hell!” she exclaimed. “How am I supposed to fit all of that in my mouth?” she then squeaked, Angel humming a chuckle. God, it was big.  

He stroked her hair, his chest quivering when she wrapped her hand around his shaft, giving it a few gentle tugs. “I’m sure you’ll manage.”

And, oh, how she did.  

His mouth dropped open a little as he watched himself vanish between her lips, a rumbled groan echoing from his chest, Bella feeling her jaw muscles at full stretch as she took him back, slithering her tongue along the underside of his shaft before pulling back once more. The warm hug of her mouth had him feeling a coil tighten within, sparking softly, his eyes closing as his head thudded back against the glass panes behind him.  

“Shit, baby,” he croaked, fingers stroking swirls over her scalp as they tangled in her mass of blonde waves. “You give such good head.”  

That kind of compliment did wonders for her confidence, Bella looking up at him, releasing his cock with a little pop, licking the head with a softly indulgent flicker of her tongue, her eyes finding his, watching him intently as she took him back again, sucking with eager gentleness, one hand trailing her fingernails over his abs, the other tickling his balls until he shivered. Feeling him becoming firmer within her mouth gave her the most delicious little shocks of excitement, becoming dewy at her apex, imagining how it would soon feel to have him inside her, her arousal glowing like the moonbeams from above that bathed them in pale silvery blue light out there on the deck.  

That gathered excitement spurred her mouth quicker upon him, her tongue teases becoming more potent, Angel’s hands beginning to tug in her hair as his chest started to rise and fall quicker, his gravelly groans becoming more frequent, her lips tightening, oh, so tight around him. The embers began to crackle, glowing, ever nearing bursting into flame, Bella sensing it, speeding her mouth up until she felt him pulsing between her lips, shooting his load onto her tongue with a guttural grunt as his hips swayed forward, swallowing back every last hot spurt, and looking very proud of herself as she licked her lip and grinned, picking up his bottle of beer from beside him and taking a big swig.  

He pulled her to standing, kissing her madly, stripping himself naked, his hands lowering the straps of her playsuit, pushing it down, pulling back to look at her as she stepped from the puddle of fabric gathered at her ankles. “Wow.” He kissed her again, arms tightening around her, walking her back into the house. They made it as far as the big, comfortable couch, entwining with one another, Bella feeling herself truly blooming beneath him.  

Suddenly, her slenderness, the spot on her bum, or her knobbly knees and cellulite didn’t matter. He thought she was stunning, and his kisses conveyed that, and so much more. The naked press of his skin to hers was more exhilarating than she could either imagine or describe, his weight upon her exquisite, Angel shifting down, teasing her nipples with soft sucks and hungry nibbles as he stroked her sides, blindingly aroused by her. She shivered beneath each kiss, his tongue trailing over the tattoos below her left breast, the rose upon her hip, her little strip of pubic hair, before she felt those licks part her folds, gasping, her thighs widening on instinct.  

Overcome by lust, he ate at her sloppily to begin with, greedy indulgence overtaking him as he sucked and licked at her, before finding a little focus, parting the petals of her cunt with his fingers and introducing his tongue to her clit in long, sweeping strokes, her sighs of bliss beautiful to him. Bella lay there absolutely staggered, never experiencing anything like that before in her life with a man. Well, she guessed that was because he was exactly that, a man, not a boy with zero clue over how to truly arouse a woman. She had the sense too, that Angel wasn’t just doing this for her, because he felt he had to. He was doing it for him, too, because he wanted to.

The difference between the two couldn’t have been further apart, and oh, how it showed, each lick advancing the charge of glimmers sweeping below her skin, her nerves tingling, her clit bathed in the wet heat of each swirling lick ceaselessly, until she was crying out unashamedly.  

“You enjoying yourself up there?” he asked, pausing to kiss her inner thigh, his lips then wrapping around her clit and sucking until his cheeks hollowed.

“Fuck yes! Oh my god, Angel! Mmmmm, you’re gonna ruin my pussy with your mouth,” she purred, her hands fisted tight in his hair, panting with the kind of soft little cries that had his cock bobbing almost aggressively with the need to be inside of her. 

“Yeah, you like that, baby? Like having this pretty little bud sucked on hard, like it when I fucking eat you alive?”  

At that point, she was so pleasure shocked, she could barely form thought, let alone words. “Yes, ohhhh! Please don’t stop!”

He looked up at her, letting go of his hard suck upon her slick, sweet holds. “I ain’t stopping until you cum all over my tongue, querida.” Those words added to the little pricks of pleasure pattering down her spine, his tongue flickering rapidly at her swollen clit, dark eyes glinting at her, the firelight catching the chocolate brown of his irises, making him look impossibly gorgeous to her.  

The rolling pleasure began to tumble faster, gathering momentum, like an avalanche rushing through her body, nerve endings bathed in the chilling heat of frost and fire as she clutched his head, her shaking legs tightening, crying out over and over as it hit her strongly. Not even she had made herself cum that hard before, nor her toys, nor anybody else. She felt as if she’d been pulled headlong into whirlpool, the force of it claiming her, spinning her in its rotations, Bella incoherent as she mumbled her demands.

“Fuck me, Angel. I need you inside me, please.” Her voice, her eyes, they were full of need, the spearing of his cock as he kissed his way back up her returning her from her catatonic state, kissing him with blinding need as he stroked her neck, burying himself within her to the hilt again and again. “Oh god,” she mewled, bowled over, her mouth falling open. “Fuck! Your dick is so... fucking big!”  

He grinned, scattering kisses over her chest. “Damn, baby. You should see how hot you look split around it, too. Fuck me, you feel amazing.” Leaning to her, they shared kisses of pure syrupy sin, the thick of him trawling the hot, tight clutch of her walls, Bella reaching between them, stroking his cock as it cut through her effortlessly. “You like that, pretty girl? Like feeling how wet I’ve gotten you?”

“Mmmmm,” she moaned, bringing her fingers to her mouth and sucking them. “I like tasting how much, too.” Fire. Pure fucking fire ran through him. Damn, she was dirty, and he loved it. Reaching beneath her, he lifted her body, sitting back on his heels, bouncing her on his cock, hands grasping her shoulders before smoothing down her back sensually, sharing kisses gilded in embers and sugar, feeling drunk on her.  

“God, you feel so fucking good,” Bella moaned, her head tipping back, his lips gliding torridly over her throat. “I love you.”  

Fuck. The words had just tumbled out before she’d had chance to process them. Before she could truly spiral into panic, though...

“I love you too, my baby. So much.” He loved her. He loved her! She could have squealed with joy, but instead, chose fluttered gasps as the head of his cock scraped deliciously against her sweet spots, rutting her deep.

The rise and fall of their bodies was akin the cresting of the waves in the nearby sea, Bella absolutely blown away by the intimacy, the divinity of it. This was the kind of sex she thought only existed in stories, too perfectly passionate to extend to reality, her reality too, no less.  

How could he be this perfect?

The all-encompassing heat of him and the moment they shared rocked her to her very foundations, her bones sizzling in utter ecstasy as she rocked against him, Angel’s hands stroking paths of sweeping tingles over her soft skin.

Her walls throbbed with the sweetest flush of pleasure, his cock evoking swells of molten bliss, Bella grinding down on him faster, her nerves in symphony, the sounds of her ass pounding off his thighs filling the room.

He groaned deep, a barbarous rumble that made her insides fizz. “Fuck, Bella. You ride dick so goddamned well,” he began in praise, kissing her. “Mmm, gotta slow it down, though. Don’t wanna cum yet.” Tightening his arms around her, he stood up, eyes scanning the room for some bare, un-embellished wall, carrying her over to the patch just where the kitchen opened up, winding his arms beneath her thighs, grasping her ass and keeping her spread as he began to roll his hips against her, every last inch of his cock slipping into the sumptuous, saturated hug of her cunt, but slow. So slow.

Each thrust had ecstasy sizzling through her veins, her cries feral, the physical of what she felt demonstrated by her nails imbedding in his back, tearing down, leaving raspberry swellings across his tattooed flesh, Angel thriving on her reaction to the sublimity of his fuck.

“Damn, I’ve never heard a woman wail like that before, shit,” he muttered, teeth leaving little pink crescents on her neck.

Her eyes widened. “Sorry, am I too loud?”

He laughed softly, tongue swiping up her delicate throat. “Hell no, you get as loud as you want to, baby girl. Fucking turns me on so damned much.” And so she did, as she was continually railed against the wall with devastating finesse, the slow, deep and hard trawl of Angel’s cock sending pleasure skittering throughout her entire body. It rolled over her like a fog, her lips returned to his, those indulgent kisses all fire and honey, his hands gripping as he held her spread, adding a little more speed. God, he was too good.  

It was the kind of sex she knew she’d quickly come to crave, his praise over how amazing she felt around him, how much he loved her, the exalting of her beauty making her heart skip beats, shaken by his words, grasping at his shoulders as he gave in to the wild desire to pound her senseless. It felt sharp-edged as it gathered within her, the coil tightening before it snapped, consuming bliss throbbing through her entire body as he spilled into her deeply, grunting with exertion, the culmination a sweep of liquid velvet pouring through them, ebbing away slowly, leaving them shattered, yet dreamy with satisfaction.  

Well...

“Please don’t tell me I’ve possibly just knocked you up.”  

Her laugh boomed through the house. “So eloquent, Angel.”  

“But have I, though?”

His sudden worry over something that he hadn’t really given a shit about prior to blowing his load was hugely entertaining to her, Bella knowing already that such was very much a part of Angel. Act first, panic later. “No, you haven’t. I’m on the pill, but I swear to Christ, if you’ve given me anything that’s going to make my fanny drop out, I’ll chase you with a bloody hammer.”  

It was his turn to laugh then, once again humoured by her language so different to his. Fanny meant someone’s ass in America, but Bella’s usage of the word referred to what was still twitching gently around his cock. “Nah, I’m all good. Surprising, really, given my former status as an utter man whore.”  

“Former?” she asked as he let her down, her nails stroking over his chest.  

He rested his forehead to hers, kissing her tenderly. “Of course, former. There’s only one woman for me now.”  

Hearing that was perhaps more thrilling than him giving her the best sex of her life.  

#angel reyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes smut #angel reyes imagine #angel reyes x ofc #angel reyes fanfic #angel reyes fic #mayans mc #mayans mc fanfiction #mayans mc smut #mayans mc imagine #mayans mc fanfic #mayans mc fic

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Victor’s Remembrance Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Note: A bullet-point summary, but important scenes have detailed translations!

This format will be used in subsequent translations because pausing at every frame takes too much time (I’ll still do it for Gavin’s dates because I’m biased) :>

Doing this will also retain some novelty for you when the date comes to EN! :)

In his birthday event, Victor is eight years old and takes a plane alone to visit his mother in France

His birthday wish: I wish for my mother to be healthy, for my father’s work to go smoothly, and that my family can be together more often.

His mother plays “Serenade” (by Franz Schubert) on the piano. She tells him that it’s a song to be played to someone you like (this piece of information will be important in the date)

The actual date begins on 12 January, the evening before Victor’s birthday

MC is in Souvenir to ensure that her preparation for Victor’s surprise party is complete - both the cake and gift are done

Victor suddenly calls and tells her to pack her luggage so he can whisk her off to Paris to settle some issues with a program

Several hours later, they reach Paris

MC can’t help feeling downcast because her efforts to prepare the surprise party went to waste

Even though she’s used to having their private time taken over by work, she still wants to help him celebrate since it’s a special day

He happens to be free that evening, so she hopes to give him a surprise

But Victor suggests that he brings her to meet someone

Along the way, he purchases flowers, and MC’s mind wanders for a while

Afterwards, she realises that Victor is bringing her to his mother’s former residence, which is near a university

IT’S SO PRETTY

He starts talking how his mother allowed students to stay here whenever they wanted to, so it’s kept in good condition

And that she used to be a student in the university as well

MC starts feeling very anxious because it’s as though she’s here to meet the parents

In her fluster, she accidentally presses on the piano keys, and Victor asks if she’s preparing for an impromptu performance

MC starts playing "Serenade” on the piano because she heard him listening to it in the car before

She doesn’t know what it means to Victor

Victor is stunned for a while but recovers

Victor: MC.

Victor rarely calls my name in such a serious manner. It takes me a long while to react, and I nod numbly.  

His low voice seems to have a deliberate warmth in it, and it softly encases me within.

Victor: I’ve never cared about a “sense of ceremony”. A lot of ceremonies are meant for others to see. My life does not require the participation and approval of many people. A certain dummy seems keen on this though, and is always thinking of holding parties, giving gifts, preparing surprises…

Victor’s frown disappears. His dark eyes are dyed with a faint smile.  

Victor: So… it’s not a bad thing to switch the roles sometimes. MC, this is my “sense of ceremony”.

MC gets flustered and accidentally reveals that she prepared a cake as a birthday surprise

They leave the residence, heading towards the café where the cake is at

Just as we reach the opposite end, a small souvenir stall catches my attention.

In the midst of various souvenirs, one particular item takes up half the space. With a closer look, I realise that those are locks.

MC: Eh? Did we walk past the Love Lock Bridge just now?

I can’t remember when I first came across the story related to this bridge.

Legend says that if two people who are mutually in love hang the lock on the bridge, they will be together forever, until death.

I hurriedly turn around, but only see glass railings, and the slow-moving water under the bridge. There is no place to hang the lock.

Victor: Due to safety concerns, this bridge underwent a rectification a few years ago, and the railings are completely made of glass now.

I look towards Victor in shock.

MC: How did you know that I was thinking about this?!

Victor: A dummy’s thoughts are written all over her face. There’s no need to guess. For example, it’s clear from your face that you want to buy the lock as a souvenir.

Not wanting to be seen through once again, I retort in a soft voice.

MC: …I wasn’t planning to buy it at first, but since you put it that way, I have no choice but to buy one.

While saying this, I pull a resigned Victor to the small stall, and carefully select a lock.

Among the various fancy designs, a relatively simple red coloured heart lock catches my eyes.  

MC: I’ll have this one!

After paying, I stuff the lock and its golden coloured key into Victor’s hand.

Victor: What are you doing?

Looking at his hesitant expression, I smile and blink at him.

MC: This is your birthday present. A heart lock – there’s only one in the world! You didn’t guess it this time round, right?

Victor’s expression freezes for a moment, but it quickly returns to its usual state. He purses his lips into a line.

Victor: You’re right. Even after a year, your taste has not improved. However…

“Kacha”

Victor raises his hand and locks the heart lock.

After that, he places the golden coloured key into my palm.

The cold key and the warm fingertips – these two feelings mingle on my skin.

Along with his voice, they take over my senses.

Victor: Take it.

MC: For me…?

The white breath from my words spin in the air, and finally condense into a smile, appearing on his lips.

Victor: This is a key – there’s only one in the world. Now, I’m giving it to you.

The sun has completely set, encasing the world in a cloak of fiery red.

In the distance, the Eiffel Tower lies in the sunset. Sentences strung with beautiful French words drift into our ears. The occasional noise from pedestrians passes us by.

Everything is quiet and tranquil. Only my heart is beating wildly.

I curl my finger, holding the key tightly, as though I’m grasping a switch to the future.

MC: You… why are you suddenly saying such childish things…

In contrast to my wavering voice, the sound of Victor’s laugh is clear as it lands on my ears.

Victor: I said it before. It’s not bad to be like this sometimes.

His voice and the music of a cello from a café somewhere are both low and long drawn.

A bird flies over the Seine River, and the streetlights flicker for a moment before they light up.

The bell tower rings five times in the distance, and the lingering sound in the air reminds me of the time, and also tugs at my heart.  

It is 5pm in Paris, which is also… 1am in Loveland City.

After a second of hesitation, I make a decision.

I suddenly lift my head, directly meeting Victor’s gaze. I stare at the reflection of myself in his eyes.

I stand on my tiptoes and pull on his tie, secretly retrieving the present I prepared since this morning from my pocket.

I can see a flash of astonishment in Victor’s eyes, but that emotion is soon concealed and becomes even more profound and tender.

Cooperating with my movements, he leans down, and his hair sweeps across my cheek.

Like the evening light in the sky, and the streetlamps that were just lit, the gentle and soft sensation lingers where we touch.

In the midst of my rapidly beating heart, I release my hold. I take out the present, both cheeks red.

MC: I was lying just now… this is my real present. Victor, happy birthday.

Before I finish speaking, Victor reaches out to hold onto my waist, pulling me over.

The sudden closing of distance leaves me unable to react. I can only look dumbfoundedly at the person before me, and stare into his deep eyes.

Victor: Don’t move.

This is a very light and shallow kiss.

Like a feather, gently brushing across my lips. Like gentle waves on shallow water.

Yet, utterly special under the encasement of the sunset, the music and chiming of the clock mingling together.

It leaves an indelible mark in the deepest parts of my memory, and the most tender parts of my heart.

-

Phone call: here

Video call: here

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc victor

[imanes]

Hey Iman! Agh idk if this is asking for help or venting but its 1am and i have work at 7am... ive had the past weeks off from work so ramadan is going pretty good but now thats over and i have work 🥲 i know im barely going to sleep knowing i have to b up for suhoor and fajr and ive been literally sleeping after fajr for two weeksdjdjdjs idk what i expected tbh but any tips for surviving work while fasting?? And barely any sleep.. i feel like i even forgot how to do my job or interact w people. Ive never had to fast during work this is basically my first real job and im already nervous about feeling low and fainty when working (i work w kids). Ugh pls does anyone have any tips 😭 also i cannot even express how much i adore your blog thank you sm if you read/answer this! Hope youre having a great ramadan! ❤️

hi angel! first off i hope your day went well, i’m sorry I got this message when I was myself asleep :-( I remember when I had to go to work at 7am a few years ago I was literally dying but all I can say is that naps will be your lifeline. i think working during Ramadan, when the work isn’t taxing physically of course, can be a blessing because the day goes much faster so I try to focus on that. 

as far as sleep is concerned you’re knocking on the wrong door i’ve slept 4 hours a night ever since ramadan started and i’m definitely feeling my brain cells dying and my will to survive dwindling but we have two weeks left of this! i gave up on fajr and suhoor like may Allah forgive me but i cannot do this anymore lol it’s my sanity that is on the line

the first ramadan that i spent working, i slept at 3am, woke up at 6, started work at 7am and on some days i’d go back home at 7pm and every time i dragged myself home i thought it was a miracle that i was still capable of walking. the key to not fainting is how much you feed yourself the night before really well: get those fruits and veggies, drink 2L of water even if u have to pee every hour, drink a caffeinated drink right before u fall asleep to wake up feeling more like a human than a zombie, don’t mix meat and bread since it makes your digestion (and thus your whole system) more sluggish, etc. the first day is always awful and i spent the first week of ramadan was spent in a complete fog but after a few days you just get into the rhythm and it gets a lot easier. i also brush my teeth more since i can’t drink during the day, it really helps with making me feel fresh after giving 2 hour long presentations and demos and whatever and my throat feels like the sahara lol. having something cold to put on your face is also such a helpful way of relaxing when you’re stressed while fasting, i have an amethyst roll that i put under cold water and i just roll it all over my face with some serum or some such. 

anyways if anyone has some input or tips to share we’ll all be grateful for it! and to you anon i hope u managed to take a big nap after your day at work. good luck for the rest and i believe in you!! i wish you and your family an amazing and fulfilling ramadan as well, even though it is challenging it is also a blessing! much love to you <3

#Anonymous

[tirednotflirting]

does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes?

baby’s first au whaaaaaat? 

special thank you to @clumsyclifford​ for linking the prompt list i got this idea from! this was the prompt (it was a whole slew of celebrity AUs: “wait, you’re supposed to be DEAD and i just recognized you at the grocery store, turns out you just didn’t want to be a celebrity anymore” au. bella is also writing one from this list and it’s one of my most favorite lashton things i have ever read, highly recommend, 10/10, i could yell about hello, hello for ages omg

also here is the ao3 link if that’s your preferred way to read :)  

There are few things that bring Luke as much joy as his Friday night (well, Saturday morning, really) grocery trips.

He had started working the night shift at the nurses’ desk at the children’s hospital about a year prior after graduating. He had found the job through the friend of a friend of a friend who was a nurse herself and mentioned the job needed filling fast. Luke had never really considered the idea of a night job but ultimately the work wasn’t all too bad. He made coffee every couple of hours (he made an effort to never let the pot empty which got him lots of smiles from the nurses) and every once in awhile Lina, the 6 year old cancer patient whose room was just around the corner from the brightly colored desk, would wander out to ask him to check for monsters under her bed and to be tucked back in. It was pretty simple (and heartwarming) work.

However, staying up through the night for 5 nights a week made it damn near impossible to be awake during the day on his weekends off. Luckily enough for Luke, he had friends like Michael who tended to play video games all night despite working through the day (he stopped questioning how he managed it a long time ago) and his favorite grocery store was a 24 hour location.

The first time Luke had come to do his shop at around 2am, he had felt a little spooked by the parking lot and eerie silence in between Top 40 songs that played over the intercom in the store. But he soon grew to find the general atmosphere pretty calming and he made friends with the nighttime stocker (a guy named Calum who also never saw himself doing nighttime work but here they were) and it became something he really looked forward to on his Saturday (very early) mornings.

He arrives at the store just a bit after 1am. He just finished ‘a late breakfast’ (he still always finds himself giggling at the concept of eating meals at opposite points in the day as everyone else despite the obvious logic to the schedule) and has a list tucked into the pocket of his sweats. It’s a little chilly out so he grabs the first sweater he sees on the backseat - a blue cardigan - since he knows they also keep the store pretty cool in the night to make sure everybody stays awake through their shift.

As he grabs one of the smaller carts as he heads into the store, he feels his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulls out his list first and drops it into the baby seat of the cart and then grabs his phone. Luke’s faced with the wild selfie Michael set for his profile picture and he rolls his eyes as clicks the icon to answer the call.

“What’s up, Mikey?” he answers as he starts pushing the cart in the direction of the produce section. 

“You at the store yet?” Luke can hear the clicking of the buttons on the controller in Michael’s hands.

“Yeah, just got in. You need anything?”

Michael then rambles off a short list that Luke jots down into his notes app since he doesn’t have a pen or anything with him. He assures his friend he’ll come drop off the odd collection of snacks and things (“They have to be the dinosaur shaped ones. I swear Luke they do taste better.”) once he finished up his shop of real groceries.

Luke wanders around the produce, picking out what fruits and veggies he wants to have around for the week. He takes his time finding the apples without the bruises, bananas that will be the perfect amount of ripe by midweek, some leafy bunches for the salad he’s been assigned to bring for the breakroom potluck on Tuesday. He’s checking out some strawberries that he thinks might be nice to toss into the mix too when a human sized figure appears in the corner of his vision.

It’s a man around his size (in similar cozy clothes) facing away from him. He’s got hair the opposite color to Luke’s bleached blonde. His messy black curls are pulled back into a tiny bun that mirrors Luke’s own. The other man is broad and has a tattoo of a bird across the back of his neck, just barely visible above the collar of a faded blue sweatshirt. The tattoo is one that seems oddly familiar to Luke, as though it belongs to someone he knows. The man begins to wander off toward the bakery section of the store though and Luke shrugs off the recognition, figuring it might be someone he’s seen around a waiting room in the hospital at some point. He settles on some strawberries and starts pushing his cart in the direction of the deli and meats.

As he stares at the different packages of chicken and breakfast sausages, he can’t help but think back on the man he saw though. There was something achingly familiar about him, and more than just the tattoo. He can’t shake the thought for some reason and finds himself jumping in surprise when he feels his phone buzz once again in his pocket. 

He doesn’t even have to look to the screen to know that it’s Michael calling again to add something to his list. In fact, he happens to even know the items that his friend failed to mention the first time he called. Luke presses the accept button and lifts the phone to his ear.

“Froot Loops and the character shaped fruit snacks?”

“The superhero ones, if they have them please!”

*

Luke continues around the store, grabbing all the bits from his list (and Michael’s 12 year old boy list) and eventually lands in the dairy section. He grabs the yogurt he’s been mixing granola into for breakfast lately and some butter for the cookies his mom sent him a recipe for. Only thing left in terms of food is cereal milk and coffee milk (2% and oat, respectively, of course). When he looks up from the list to make his way over to the fridges containing the plethora of milks, he is faced once again with the familiar stranger. 

Except this time, as he catches just the briefest glimpse of the man’s face, of his hazel eyes and strong jawline, he realizes this isn’t a stranger. Very much not a stranger. It’s Ashton Irwin, the host of at least three of those reality dating shows he forces Michael to watch with him on the weekends since he can’t watch them when they air live on Monday and Tuesdays. 

Or, well, he was the host of all of those shows until about two months ago.

Because Ashton Irwin has been dead for two months due to a freak heart attack while on vacation on some remote island.

Luke glances away from him for a moment in a panic. Has he completely lost it? Have the late nights finally gotten to him and he’s starting to actually see things that don’t exist? Was Calum right all along and the store really is haunted? (Though it's a little lost on him why a star TV host would want to haunt a grocery store. And not even a good one like that Whole Foods in Downtown.)

Then he realizes that perhaps he was just wrong. (Though now that he thinks about it, he very much remembers liking an Instagram picture of that tattoo on Ashton Irwin’s account a couple years back.) He’s far enough down the aisle from him that he can chance a look at the man without being caught. So, slowly, Luke turns again just slightly to look toward him.

It’s the hair that left him not immediately making the recognition. His hair has been dyed black, a stark contrast to his signature dark red but definitely a change that likely doesn’t draw as much attention. The sweatshirt he’s paired with black skinny jeans is pretty baggy and it’s a damn shame because Luke knows he has the arms of a god.

(Something Luke knows from the tabloid covers he glances at from time to time at the pharmacy and the summer version of the show that Ashton hosted, of course. He most definitely has never searched up his name + ‘biceps’ before. Never.)

But despite the obvious attempt to match the look and aesthetic of ‘2am grocery shopper’ he's still very unmistakably Ashton Irwin.

As Luke grapples with this new knowledge that apparently this person he thought was dead is not dead and also apparently goes to the same grocery as him, he fails to notice that Ashton has turned to face him and that he is still staring at him in shock. 

Very quickly, Ashton’s face comes to mirror Luke’s expression and he’s rushing toward the blonde in a state of terror. 

“Please don’t say anything,” he gasped in a hushed voice. The accent similar to his own that Luke has grown used to hearing on his TV sticks out some in his panicked words.

“How? I - uh? Are you,” Luke trips over every syllable that comes out of his mouth as he attempts to let his brain wrap around the situation. “Are you a ghost?”

The feared look of the black haired man actually fades some as he lets a quiet giggle escape (a very cute giggle, if Luke is being honest). “I’m, uh, not a ghost. No. Though I guess that does kind of accurately explain what I’m trying to be.”

Now Luke is even more confused. Based on the statement, he obviously wasn’t making up all of the tabloid stories he had seen about Ashton dying but something isn’t adding up to the present moment. “I don't-”

“Listen, if you’re going to go tell the press, can you at least give me like,” he glances down at his phone screen displaying the time. “2 hours to get back out to my friend’s place where I’ve been hiding?”

It’s now Luke’s turn to laugh. “You do realize if I go to some paparazzi or something and tell them I saw deceased Ashton Irwin wandering around my grocery store trying to decide between hazelnut and cashew milk they would just laugh in my face, right?”

The statement causes Ashton to look down at his hands to the milks in his hands. He sighs down at the cartons before tossing both of them in the cart. “Guess you’re not really wrong.”

“Is someone pulling some kind of long-winded, over the top prank on me right now? Am I being punk’d?” Luke asks, his head tilting some in a way that would normally have Michael making fun of him for the child-like behavior. “Because I know for a fact that I am not worth that much effort.”

The questions have Ashton smiling a bit again and Luke suddenly finds himself wanting to say increasingly dumb things so long as it’ll keep the hazel-eyed man smiling. “No, no. Not at all. I just,” his smile falters some, leaving his lips still turned up but his eyes drop some. “I started to get a little sick of the world and the world started getting a bit sick of me, I think.” Luke wonders if Ashton knew just how heavy his words feel.

He scoffs then, as if hearing Luke’s silent question. “Wow, sorry that was really dramatic,” Ashton shakes his head a bit before continuing. “Hi, I’m Ashton.”

Luke looks down to the tanned arm being stretched out toward him. He lifts a hand from his shopping cart and wraps it around Ashton’s. “I’m Luke.”

Ashton brightens again as he shakes his hand. “Well, Luke, you’re the first person other than my current landlord of sorts that I’ve come across since literally dying in the eyes of the media. So I guess I owe you an explanation? Since it seems like you’re familiar with that media viewpoint?”

Ashton moves to start pushing his cart in the direction of another area of the store but peers over his shoulder and gestures with his head to follow him. Luke quickly reaches into the fridge on his left to grab the rest of his dairy before catching up to him. “Well, you really don’t owe me anything. I don’t know you beyond what I see of you on my TV screen,” Luke wonders then if maybe he should have played it a bit cooler and not told the cute, presumed dead TV star that he watches his shows. “But I am a bit confused by whatever is going on and would like to hear anything you’re willing to share.”

“Cute and polite,” Ashton muses, avoiding Luke’s eye as he continues forward toward the packaged food aisles. “You’re already checking boxes, Luke.”

Some kind of intelligible noise falls from Luke’s lips as he feels a blush rush up to his cheeks because he’s flirting with him. Ashton only laughs and starts his story.

“Well Luke, you seem to be aware of what I did for a living up until about 2 months ago. I’ve been doing this job for like, about 5 years and before every new season of anything, there’s all these big network and programming meetings about production and filming and such. And every single time, I get hounded by our ratings people because I apparently don’t do enough to instigate and promote drama. Like my contract was getting threatened like three times a year because rather than trying to make peoples’ lives miserable, I just want to help them fall in love.

“And so at this particular meeting, about two and half months ago, just before the ‘accident’,” he punctuates the word with air quotations. “I got the boot. Ratings from the previous season were down by 3% and all of the uppers decided it was because of my congeniality and not the fact that the guy they chose for the season was a complete dick.

“So that night I have to host the red carpet stuff for an awards show. And I’m talking with all these glittery people who also do TV work and it suddenly hits me, harder than it ever has before, that every single person I’m speaking to would never even bother to smile in my direction if they didn’t know who I was. If I was just a plain old guy, the kind of guy I was back in school before I signed on to the shows, they probably wouldn’t pay me a single bit of kindness. So I decided, right then, as I was talking to some Grey’s Anatomy actor, that I wanted to get out.”

He turns into the chip aisle then, and Luke follows close behind. “You decided you wanted to step away from television and your first idea was to fake your own death?”

Ashton laughs as he reaches for a couple tubes of Pringles. “It was more than that,” he starts as he tosses the tubes into the cart. “I wanted to escape celebrity all together, not just the world of television. A friend from back home that I would trust with my life had this cabin kinda out in the middle of nowhere in this forest and he only ever uses it for like, two weeks in the summer and said I could camp out there until I find a way to get back to Australia undetected to live at the house I bought over there a few years ago. My manager helped with all the media stories and such. And two months later, here we are.”

“That’s insane,” Luke shakes his head as he speaks, reaching for his own tube of Pringles as he realizes it's been quite awhile since he got his hand stuck in a Pringle tube so why not?

“The journey is a bit wild, I will agree, Luke, but the life I’m living right now is much more enjoyable than faking it every damn day.”

Luke shakes his head (and ignores the fluttery feeling he keeps getting when Ashton says his name). “No, I mean it’s insane that I am somehow the first person that’s caught you.”

Ashton’s brows perk up at the statement. “Oh yeah no, I’m also pretty surprised by that. Figured I would have had to pay off a lot of people by now to keep them quiet.”

They’ve both pushed their carts up toward the self check out how and start scanning away at their items. Luke looks up halfway through his cart and catches Calum giving him a look from a little ways away. He’s got a suggestive look on his face. But thankfully it's one that reads much more as “ohhh Luke is talking to a boy” rather than “ohhh there’s a celebrity in my store”. Plus Luke knows Calum wouldn’t be the type to go rushing to media people to out the presence of dead celebrities in his grocery store at 2am so he chooses to subtly flip him off before reaching for the next item in his basket.

They’re both about done scanning and bagging up their groceries when Luke starts to realize he really...doesn’t want this little bit of time he’s spent with Ashton to end yet. And given his lack of normal human interaction during daylight hours as of recently, he’s a bit out of practice on the whole asking someone to extend a conversation beyond the grocery store aisles. He drops his bags back into his cart to roll back out to his car and as he watches Ashton perform the same action the words just sort of leap from his mouth. “Hey do you, uh, have anywhere to be right now?”

Ashton gently places a bag containing some produce into his cart before turning to Luke, a teasing smirk resting on his lips. “Luke, it’s 2am and I’m presumed dead to everyone but about 4 people,” he catches that Luke still looks somewhat nervous (something he would later reflect on to tell him just how damn cute it was) and continues. “So I’ve got just about all the time in the world.”

“Want to come to mine for lunch? We could make something and watch a show or keep chatting or something?” he asks, tentatively. 

He watches as Ashton’s face shifts a bit, obviously confused by some part of what Luke’s just said. “Why would you ask if I’m free now if you were wanting to make lunch plans?”

Luke realizes his request requires some explanation for people that live during normal human hours. “Oh, because I have lunch at about 3am. Because I work nights. So right now feels like,” he pauses a moment, trying to decide and calculate what time this would have been for him before taking his job. “It feels like about 11am-ish for me right now. So close to lunch time.”

They’re out in the parking lot now and Ashton just stops for a moment beside Luke in the middle of the lot and looks up at him for a moment, a smile spreading across his face, his dimples, ones that Luke had grown used to seeing on his TV screens over the last few years, increasingly deepen. “Lunch sounds nice.”

* 

Ashton follows Luke back to his apartment (and to the brief stop he makes at Michael’s where he ignores the comments about the man parked in the car behind his) and they park in the garage, carrying their groceries in their arms up to his unit. They each deposit their cold and frozen items into Luke’s fridge and he pours them each a glass of water as Ashton takes a seat at his kitchen counter. Luke sips from his glass as he watches Ashton glance around his kitchen and living room.

“I try to keep it cozy,” Luke explains as he reaches into a cabinet for a couple pots and pans. He migrates over to his sink to fill a pot with water to boil. “Needed it when I first started the working at night thing and I needed to find a way to force myself to sleep when the sun was up. Gonna make some pasta and chicken thing, that cool?”

Ashton smiles warmly from his place at the counter. “Sounds lovely. You mind if I use that?” he points to the opposite corner of the space where a black Keurig machine sits. “I don’t often do this whole living like normal in the night thing.”

Luke laughs at the comment on being nocturnal. “Go for it.” 

He turns back to the pan of chicken, chopping it up and moving it around some before turning to a different burner and tossing in a few things to make a garlic sauce. He can make maybe two things that qualify as meals rather than just large portioned snacks so he’s opted for one of those since he so rarely has company. 

“What do you do then that’s got you up all through the night?” Ashton asks as he opens the cabinet above the coffee machine pulling down a bright yellow mug. The color suits him, Luke thinks. “You work in tech support or something?”

“Thankfully very far off from that,” Luke starts with a giggle. “I’m absolute garbage with computers. I work the nurses’ desk for the recovery wing at one of the children’s hospitals. It’s a lot of checking and distributing charts, ordering things for the nurses, talking to parents when they want more logistical updates on their child’s care there. Sometimes I get to help entertain the kids who get to go out and about. Yesterday I let them request songs to play for awhile and then we had show and tell.”

“God, you’re like something out of some cheesy movie, huh?”

Luke turns to see Ashton smiling up at him, his arms crossed at his chest as he leans against the counter to face him, the coffee machine whirring to life behind him. Luke bites at his cheek to avoid an entirely too large smile to spread across his face though he knows he can’t help the blush painting it’s way across his nose and cheeks. “It’s a good job. Even worth the whole graveyard shift situation.”

Ashton grimaces at the end of Luke’s reply. “Night shoots used to kick my ass. There is nothing in the world more terrifying than slightly drunk women in hot pink crying over some complete asshole rejecting them after a cocktail party at 2am.”

“Was there anything about it that you liked, though?” Luke asks after he turns down the heat to let the sauce simmer for a bit. He watches Ashton stir some milk into his mug that he retrieved from the fridge.

“Of course,” Ashton answers quickly, in a tone that projects honesty rather than just being used to answering the question. “I got to travel to places I would have never made it to otherwise, meet people that I considered heroes growing up, provide for myself and my family. And for a while that’s why I just dealt with the bull shit. But I started to realize I was working my ass off for all of that good stuff I was getting. That I didn’t have to deal with things in exchange for those things that were mine because of my work.”

Luke isn’t quite sure what to respond to that. Because he’s right, the logic is obvious and sound on all of it. As he’s trying to formulate a response though, Ashton cuts in again. “Though I guess maybe that’s a pretty privileged logic I-”

“No, don’t,” Luke cuts him off. “You shouldn’t justify the unfair parts of your job like that. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your own values about the way people should be interacting with one another for the sake of drama for good TV ratings. You don’t owe anything to anyone who doesn’t actually give a shit about you as a person. I’ve known you for like two hours and it already just baffles me why someone wouldn’t want to know who you are behind the stage makeup and scripted lines.”

He watches as Ashton lifts the mug to his lips, pink cheeks peeking out from each side (he wonders if the change in color comes from the heat of the mug or the words he’s just said). He lowers the mug and his lips lift into a lazy smile. “See now I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually dead. Your kindness is angelic.”

Luke hasn’t a single clue how to respond to that so he gives the hazel-eyed man a small smile before returning to his saucepan. Ashton shifts the conversation then, asking Luke more about his job before telling him about the gardening he’s taken up since being stuck out in the middle of nowhere on his own. He shows Luke pictures of his herb garden and points out each one as he names it. As he starts putting food into bowls, Luke offhandedly mentions how he’s always wanted to grow lavender but tending to plants when you sleep through the sunshine makes gardening difficult. He drops a fork into a bowl and when he turns to hand it to Ashton, Luke watches as he hits the “Add to Cart” option on an Amazon page for lavender seeds. His heart does some kind of funny rhythm as butterflies burst in his chest. Their eyes meet as Ashton locks his phone and looks up to him. 

“Pretend you didn’t see that, I want it to be a surprise,” Ashton whispers between the two of them, his right eye winking up at Luke as he accepts the bowl.

“So this is going to be happening again then?” Luke muses as he grabs his own bowl and walks toward the living room. Ashton follows behind him. “I should plan for future early morning lunches with a dead celebrity?”

“I know it comes with some amount of risk for both of us but,” Ashton looks down toward his feet, scratching at the back of his neck as he tries to come up with the right way to phrase things. Luke turns to face him as he hears the hesitation in his voice. “I really want to see you again. This has been nice. And not just because you’re the first person I’ve spoken to other than my mother in two months. I...want to know you, Luke.”

Luke smiles tiredly, feelings the earliness of the hour in a way that he hasn’t in quite some time. He watches as Ashton’s fingers fidget with a string hanging from the end of his sweatshirt, obviously nervous about what he’s just admitted to the man he’s only just really met, still. Luke reaches forward for his hand, tangling their fingers together as he squeezes his palm against Ashton’s. It feels nice to be close to someone like this. It’s something he didn’t realize he was missing out on while only really living in the night.

“I think you’re worth the risk, Ashton.”

He watches as Ashton looks down to their intertwined hands, Luke’s eyes following to the same place. His hands are pale from the lack of much sunlight other than what he gets at sunset when he goes out to take his walk after waking. Ashton’s is warm and tanned, likely from the sun he gets from days in his secret garden hideout. He barely knows this man, apart from the apparently highly curated version he’s seen on screen. He wants to know the Ashton that speaks like sunshine and loves love enough to lose his job over. He wants to know the steps he knows he’s skipping in his story right now that led to him faking his own death. So it’s no surprise that the next words have him smiling bright enough to light up the early morning they found each other in. 

“I think we’re worth the risk, too.”

*

#lashton #lashton fic #i honestly have been staring at this for so long i can't even tell if i like it anymore #i had to end it in domestic fluff i am SORRY #i have no idea how to end fics otherwise #this is Such a funny au though #like there were def better ways to do it but it was fun #esp for never having given AU a shot before #wow we're rambling in the tags anyone surprised? anyone? #also almost made the title a line from when the day met the night by patd but decided against it #i picked this title on the 1d anniversary and i feel the need to honor My Men

[blissfulparker]

12 days of Christmas Day.3→T.H

Summary→ tom plans on proposing to you on Christmas, although when toms been gone for months and left you with Harrison who started to let his feelings for you come back, 12 days of Christmas quickly becomes 12 days of tension

Warnings→jealousy, fluff, somewhat angst

A/n→this is a day late I know, I didn’t have time to post last night and so I’m sorry! I hope you understand! I feel like this series is already kind flopping and I was excited for it but I don’t really know. Here is day three! I’d love to hear your feedback if you have any.

12:03am 15th of December

The party was dying down, almost everyone was clearing out and normally this was just the start to a night but Harry was tired from his flight and some others had work tomorrow. So for tonight, it was the end of a night.

This wasn't the last party of the season though so you didn't really worry, there would be the friend Christmas eve, the day after Christmas hangout, and then the new year party that happened every year. This party dying was only the start to many more of the season.

You, Tom, Harrison, Harrison’s girl Amanda, and a few others sat on the couch. Making conversation of your own, toms hand around your waist as he caught up with the ones he’s missed. Amanda almost on Harrison’s lap as he talks to someone else but still makes an effort to acknowledge her.

“So…” Amanda tried really hard to like you, you could tell. You think it took all the fibers In Her to like you. “Where’s the ring?” She looks down at your finger and at tom. You laugh and just shake your head. Your hand goes over the bare finger and covers it.

“Oh, no ring yet.” You heat up always nervous when people brought up the subject because you never knew what to say.

“Tragic.” She pouted. She had this almost scary look, a pretty scary look. Maybe it was her midnight black hair tightened into curls, or maybe it was her dress she wore that was so stylish and so intimidating. “He’ll put a ring on that finger soon. He’s obviously head over heels for you.” She takes a sip of her drink and takes out the cherry to eat. You wouldn't put it past her to stick the stem in her mouth to tie it just to be a bitch. But if she did that then two could play that game.

You watch as she does so, how Harrison catches in the corner of his eye and stares for a little bit doesn’t really want much of it. You know she wants toms attention, you hate jealousy and you trust tom but it’s her. It’s also not helpful that Harrison is still not really over you, but instead is just using her as a distraction.

“Yeah, thanks.” You smile and make sure you stay close to tom. “So...how did you and Haz meet again?” You just wanted to make conversation.

“Oh, at a coffee house. He’s real sweet.” She winked. You felt a little slightly uncomfortable. “He was running late for something that day I don’t even remember but he made a point to say something to be and we’ve been seeing each other ever since really. Well, it’s on and off...” she kisses his cheek making a red lipstick mark and causing him to blush. You want to look away because you don’t feel comfortable staring at them as they do their thing but in a way you know she wants you to look. Wants you to see so she can get to tom.

“You’re lucky for have him as a best friend, he really looks out for you.” She leans back into the couch and you smile. A smile that doesn’t show any teeth but rather a pressed lipped one.

“Yup, he’s a real sweetheart. Can be a div sometimes and other times he’s amazing. You’re the lucky one.” You remind her and she smiles the same one back. She only throws her arm around him and leans her head against him.

“Oh you can have him if you want. We can trade.” She joked but you didn’t find it funny even though you pretend to laugh.

“I found him first.” You hold onto Toms bicep as you squeeze it in a joking manner. You laugh to try and ease the tension and she does too.

“Lucky.” She jokes back and you just lean into Toms arms as you now feel very possessive. You don’t need to worry about her, Tom is loyal and the boy is so scared of other woman sometimes so it doesn’t even matter.

“Someone’s touchy.” Tom grows a smirk and you nod as you kiss his lips. You know it’s making her jealous and you want it to work. “Didn’t get enough from earlier?” He mumbles for only you to hear.

“Nope.” You hummed against his lips and he smiled. You wanna take him now, show to just everyone that he was yours but it was best you just stay put.

“Amanda you’re more than welcome to spend the night with Haz if you’d like?” Tom offers her and she gives a grimace before she holds onto Harrison.

“We’re gonna head back to my place, wasn’t that right babe?” She leans against him and Nods. He wraps his arms around her lovingly and she curls up mostly just to be dramatic and show that she too has a boyfriend. You don’t like her, mostly because she’s not right for your best friend, because she’s not right to be in the group, because she’ll try and steal tom, and make everyone’s life hell.

“I’m surprised you’re still up bubs.” You rest your head on his shoulder. Harrison is ignoring the situation but Amanda’s eyes still linger. Taking in the loving couple in front of her.

“Maybe it’s the amount of beer. Besides, technically it’s a new day and so everyone should be gone and I should be in you.” He pokes and you laugh.

“People are clearing out, I want to clean a little before we go to bed.” You kiss his shoulder and he nods getting up. He watches as the last two of your friends who aren’t Harrison or tuwaine. Even though tuwaine is already getting up with his girlfriend and saying goodbye.

You go back to your room to change into reasonable clothes that are way warmer instead of the jeans and soft jacket you wore now. Harrison went back into the bathroom leaving two people you never wanted in a room alone together.

“So tom…” Amanda gets up and comes over to tom who is picking up holiday printed cups.

“Yeah?” He looks up and then keeps going.

“You and (y/n) are like...a thing a thing?” She asks as she hops up on the counter and takes a seat.

“Yeah we’ve been together for four years.” He smiles like an idiot because you make him smile in that way. He has loved every year with you. “Our anniversary is next week actually, the 23rd.” He admits with the biggest grin and she nods.

“That’s a long time.” She hops down and looks over to the hallway. “You know you’re a really good friend for leaving those two alone for so long.” She says and tom stops not really liking to think In the way she thinks.

“What do you mean? They’re my best friends.” Tom shrugged not wanting to go down the path she is. She places her small yet manicured hand on his shoulder and gives it a soft rub. Tom tenses as he doesn’t really like people touching him, especially not people who make him slightly uncomfortable.

“Well...you see the way Haz looks at her? He looks at her like she’s the only girl in the world and I don’t think she’s much better. I mean it’s a little odd don’t you think? How they treat each other? How it’s a little too flirty.” She spoke. He tried to block it out, she was trying to get into his head and he couldn’t let her. He was yours, you were his, he was gonna propose on Christmas and everything would be perfect.

“That’s just her personality, she’s very happy and loving. She can’t help it and I guess that’s why it makes her the best.” Tom made sure he emphasized the last word. You were the best. “And haz...he had a crush but he’s over it. He has you aren’t you worried?” Tom set his trash bag down and she shook her head.

“No, the only reason he called me was so he can control himself from going to her. I mean he already almost made that mistake once.” She winks with a stupid grin as tom is about to say something but is cut off by Harrison coming out of the hall. She was a liar, she was a liar and somewhat crazy and this girl wasn’t going to ruin anything this year.

“Ready to go babe?” He looks at her and she looks over to tom with a soft smile and then back to Haz with a smile.

“Of course.” She comes and takes hold of his arms and he grabs his keys.

“Alright, bye tom, tell (y/n) I say bye too!” He smiles as she pulls him out of the house. Tom nods and says a quick bye but feels odd by the conversation.

Nothing happened, he has to remind himself of that. Nothing happened between the two of you and Harrison, Nothing. You loved him and your favorite holiday was right around the corner and no one was gonna ruin that for the both.

“Alright I’m ready to help.” You have your hair up, makeup off, and you’re in your Christmas pajamas. The ones that make tom laugh a little but Wanna snuggle closer to. The perfect ones.

“You know what?” He comes up and walks you into the counter. “I think we should push cleaning aside to the morning, it’s 1am and we both need to shower.” His hot breath on your neck, you wanna blame alcohol for his sudden neediness but sometimes tells you this was driven by something else.

“Mmh, we never get clean in a shower together.” You moan at his words before and he chuckles lifting you up. “Maybe we should have a dance?” You offer. As much as you loved having him in your arms and pressed against the shower wall, you loved him right here in the kitchen.

“A dance?” He rubs his hands up and down your sides. You bite your lip and give a soft nod. “I guess I’ve been home for a day and we haven’t really danced huh?” He pulls your body against his and you lean your head on his shoulder. you always danced with each other at some point when he came home.

“No.” You shake your head and he kisses the top of your head.

Tom calls out to the Alexa to play have yourself a merry little Christmas. He wraps his arms back around you and spins you around once causing you to giggle. He lets out the most angelic laugh you’ve heard. One that makes you want to stay forever.

You take a soft curl into your hand and twist it he smiles softly as he grabs your hand and presses a kiss against it. After all the years there was still the soft gleam in his eyes as he Looked at you. There was still this soft tone to his body as he touched you.

He takes a big step causing you both to giggle as you dance, twirling at the sound of Judy Garlands voice and how there was nothing to worry about. You two had each other and that was enough.

“Mmh, good to have you home.” You listen to the sound of his heartbeat as the music starts to fade out.

“It’s good to be home sweetheart, good to be home.”

Permanent Taglist: @angelsparkers​ @dahliaspidey​ @parkersvibes​ @itssss-a-bean​ @ppkrtingle​ @myfinalwords​ @bocauhl​ @tinyplanet-explorers​ @sincerlyfan @softbaby-tom​ @awesomeblackcottontail​ @rosebeegraham​ @stormyholland​ @unicorn-princess-1999 @spideyyypeter​ @marshyrebelcloud​ @oh-epiphany @yeahimcrying​ @highlydisfunctional1 @disgustangg​ @pterstingle @quacksonhq​ @starlightparker​ @reblogsfics​ @tomsrebeleyebrow​

12 doc taglist!: @bibby-baby​ @spideylovin​ @wonderland-londonboy​ @peter-man-parker​ @sleepingthestral​ @spiderbibby​ @thevelvetseries​

#tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #imagine tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland x you #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fan fic #tom holland smut #tom holland x y/n #tom holland series

[lemonflavouredspatula]

Tag Game

rules: answer 20 questions, then tag 20 others.

tagged by @bananase221 (about 75 years ago, sorry and thank you love)

NAME:

Lucy

NICKNAME(S):

Luce, Loopy, Lucifer, Satan (my name means the same as Lucifer, there is method to the madness lmao)

ZODIAC:

Capricorn

HEIGHT:

5’9″ (i think???)

LANGUAGES SPOKEN:

I only speak English fluently but i know very tiny bits of Italian, Spanish and Norwegian (mostly because of my unhealthy love of eurovision and elite/skam) 

NATIONALITY:

British

FAVOURITE SEASON:

Autumn

FAVOURITE FLOWER:

hmmm idk i guess i like sunflowers but tbh i like a daisy too (yes i know it’s technically a weed) but i just appreciate nature, i don’t really have a favourite flower oops

FAVOURITE SCENT:

The smell when it’s rained is probably by far my favourite, but freshly cut grass and the smell when you blow out a candle are up there, and i love a vanilla candle and also pumpkins, the smell when you’re carving pumpkins and then when there’s a tea light inside, heavenly (i now realise fire connects quite a few of these things and i would like to take this moment to publicly announce that i am not, in fact, an arsonist)

FAVOURITE COLOUR:

Black (just brings me comfort what can i say)

FAVOURITE ANIMAL:

Dogs but also dolphins and sloths

FAVOURITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER(S):

oh boy here we go - 

Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove, Jim Hopper, Joyce Byers, Mr Clark (Stranger Things)

Gabriel Varma, Lydia Fonseca (The Good Karma Hospital) (ok no just every single character in this beautiful show, i can’t choose)

Merlin, Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine (Merlin)

Lucifer, Maze, Trixie (Lucifer)

Jake Peralta, Captain Holt, Rosa Diaz (B99)

Omar, Ander, Nadia, Guzmán (Elite)

basically just went for my favourite characters in my favourite shows lmao and tbh i’m probably forgetting loads but hey ho

COFFEE, TEA OR HOT CHOCOLATE:

Hot Chocolate

AVERAGE SLEEP HOURS:

oh god my sleep pattern is awful, i mean out of lockdown i start work at 7am and barely go to sleep before 1am so that says a lot lmao, but at the minute i’ve blown any kind of pattern out of the water, i mean last night i was up till gone 5am and then woke up at like 10:30 lmao, i can do 8 hours or 4, there is literally no in between 

DOG OR CAT PERSON:

Dogs all the way

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH:

In winter i have two as well as a duvet, in the hellish summer months i just spend the whole night dying and failing to sleep so none

DREAM TRIP:

honestly i want to see everywhere, i have a real urge to just see all of the hidden gems of the world, but if anything i really want to travel around Scandinavia and Italy

BLOG ESTABLISHED:

been here since august of 2013 i believe and no i can’t believe i’ve stuck with this hellsite for so long either

FOLLOWERS:

448 (when the fuck did that happen holy shit)

RANDOM FACT:

I’m part metal, literally :)) (no seriously, i have metal plates in my knees because i had very wonky legs lmao)

Tagged @harringtons-bf @memes-saved-me @wndasmaximoffs @harringrovetrashh @pieceofcrumbcake @coffeedumpling (i know it’s not 20, fight me) and literally anyone else who wants to do it, i tag you all (but feel free to ignore too lmao)

#tagged #spatula rambles #sorry about my ramblings

[chasestckes]

hi it’s 1am & i can’t sleep & all i can think about are a couple plot bunnies floating around in my brain so imma just put them under the cut ??? pls give me one of them at least omfgGGg

CRIMINAL. PLOT. ok so i’m kind of a huge heaux for crime plots ?? something about the angst of it all idk ?? kk so muse a & muse b work together w/ a small group of others & travel the country robbing like gas stations or whatever in the middle of the night & they all stay in motels for like one night then bounce early in the morning !!! & our muses are hard asses so at first they swear against feelings & love & relationships & are basically just sleeping together to get their fill but like time passes and INEVITABLY they sort of catch feels ?? & idk it would just be that angsty sort of slow burn plot & they would face so many hurdles & shit IDKKK this can be developed sooo much more but wow hi angst

PLANE CRASH SURVIVOR PLOT !!!! bro ever since i watched lost i’ve been dying for this one (except minus all of the weird lost island type shit lmfao). ok so our muses were on a plane together & the plane malfunctioned & had to land in the middle of the OCEAN??? and a group of surviving passengers were forced to swim until they found land & eventually they came upon a small deserted island & now they have to survive ! ! ! our muses end up sort of becoming leaders of the group and so they work together a lot to try & come up with survival plans & end up catchin feelz

no they are NOT the most creative plots in the world but there would be so much room to expand on them & i just . pls . 

#1x1 #look guys #i'm not creative #so don't hold this against me

[pug-bitch]

That’s not why I’m going (29)

Share her air

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some extremely suggestive. This is NOT appropriate for people under 18.

Word count: about 3,400 (let me know if the ‘keep reading’ cutoff isn’t working well!)

Notes: This picks up the same day as last chapter, as everyone arrives in Penelope’s estate, starting with Amara’s POV.

*****

She gets out of Bertrand’s car, which she decided to ride in so as to not raise suspicions. Bertrand was delighted to have company and talked her ear off for the whole trip, which Amara was grateful for. It was a nice distraction from all the stressful thoughts she was trying to push down.

Another nice change is that, ever since he realized that Amara and Drake were a thing, Bertrand had stopped pushing the competition onto her. Not that she blamed him for doing so in the first place, since it was seemingly what she was here for, but it was a welcome change of pace.

Maxwell, Hana, Olivia and Drake have already arrived, all four of them stacked in Maxwell’s towncar. Bertrand was obviously less of a speeder than his little brother. The group barely has time to reunite and exchange pleasantries that Penelope is already coming out to greet them. She gives everyone a genuine hug and squeals when Hana and Amara’s turn comes along.

‘Girls! You’re wearing my house colors! How thoughtful!’

Amara smiles at Hana, who was definitely the thoughtful one: she remembered to pack Amara’s purple sundress from Ramsford.

‘You look lovely, Penelope,’ Amara says. ‘I love how you did your hair.’

‘Oh, thank you! My mom helped me. Come meet my parents, they’re dying to meet you!’

*****

‘This view is gorgeous,’ Amara says as she joins Olivia on the balcony.

‘Mhmm. It’s nice.’

Relaxed Olivia hadn’t lasted very long. She basically tensed up again the minute Liam walked in yesterday, and her stress level hadn’t gone back down. Amara desperately wanted to lift her spirits. ‘How about Penelope’s dad, huh? Talk about a DILF.’

Olivia snorts, ‘Ew, Suarez. Keep it in your pants. Unless you want it on a picture under a brunch plate.’

Alright, dishing about hot dads didn’t work. She sighs and responds, ‘You know I wouldn’t fuck Penelope’s dad, Liv. I was joking around. He’s just hotter than expected, that’s all. Even Maxwell says so.’

‘Maxwell is not a reference for good taste. I thought you were, though. Not that you know who is my taste, but I can respect it.’

Amara chuckles. ‘I remember the first time you told me you were on to me. How you said that you suspect that he’s good in bed because of all his pent up anger.’

Olivia finally lets out a faint laugh. ‘Ha. He doesn’t seem so angry anymore, though. You melted him, Suarez. Also, I vaguely remember that conversation, and I think we had both drinks and cigarettes for it. Right now we have neither. So, please don’t make me gossip with you sober.’

‘Oh, come on, Liv,’ Amara teases her, ‘you probably still have a slight buzz from the wine we had at lunch, right?’

Olivia looks at her wistfully. ‘I’m tired, Suarez. I don’t know why I’m here anymore. What’s even the point? I won’t get chosen. Not after… Ugh. Don’t make me talk any longer, please.’

Amara sets down her glass of apple cider. ‘Alright. I won’t make you talk, but I can make you listen.’

‘That’s even worse--’

‘Shh,’ she interrupts. ‘I get that you’re tired of this charade, believe me, I get it. More than you know. But also, so what if you don’t get chosen? Your whole life doesn’t depend on Liam and his every whim. You’re Olivia Fucking Nevrakis, for crying out loud, and if you can breathe…’

Olivia takes a deep breath. ‘Yeah yeah, I know. I just… don’t really wanna stand right now. Or fight.’

‘Then just breathe. That’ll be good for now.’

Olivia looks at her and Amara could swear she saw a smile curl up her lips, but it’s gone very quickly. She looks down at Amara’s glass and says ‘Give me your cider. I finished mine.’

She rolls her eyes and hands her the glass. ‘You’re a pain in the ass, Nevrakis.’

‘Ladies, don’t fight over one glass of cider, it has no booze in it, it’s not worth it.’

In their banter, Liv and Amara had not heard Rashad approach. ‘Oh, hello, Rashad,’ Amara says with a smile. ‘You’re right, it’s really not worth it. Don’t tell anyone I’ve been ragging on Cordonian apples, though…’

Rashad makes a zipper gesture over his lips. ‘No one will hear it from me. How are you both doing?’

Amara waits for Olivia to say something, but she just stares at the view. So, Amara replies, ‘We’re good, thanks. I was just going to find something to snack on, I’ve been eyeing the little puff pastries over there. Good to see you again, Rashad!’

‘Bon appétit,’ he says enthusiastically.

Amara waves at Liv whose eyes are shooting daggers at her. Amara stands by her decision to leave them alone. Olivia can still breathe, and she can share her air with a handsome guy, too.

*****

Liv can’t believe that Suarez left her alone with Rashad. Not that she doesn’t want to see him, but her manoeuvre was not smooth. She has to go because she needs a puff pastry? Please.

‘How is it going, Liv?’ he asks, moving closer to her on the balcony ledge.

‘Good, can’t complain. You?’

He nods. ‘Same. Can I ask you a question?’

She hesitates. ‘Go ahead.’

‘Did I do something to offend you? You can tell me.’

‘Is it because I didn’t answer your text? You said you were gonna be here, so I didn’t see the point of--’

He cuts her off. ‘No. I didn’t send it expecting an answer. I just wanted to tell you I’d be here. But um… you’re acting like you don’t want my company, and I was hoping we could hang out. I’d rather know now if you just want me to get lost. I can take it.’

She turns to him. He has the smile of a smooth operator, and an honest guy all wrapped up in one. She feels a slight butterfly in her stomach, which she wishes she could kill by contracting her abs.

Fuck, she thinks. She wants to tell him to get lost, she really does. But that evening in his company was something she would like to repeat, as hard as it is for her to admit, even to herself. Especially to herself.

‘I don’t want you to get lost. That’s just me. I think you’re aware that I was grateful for your presence and I enjoy your company. I didn’t think I needed to spell it out for you.’

It came out a lot more aggressive than she intended it to. Rashad smirks, and throws his hands up. ‘Touché. I’m the one acting like a needy child, I apologize. I shouldn’t have asked.’

‘Good thing you’re self-aware.’

He laughs. ‘One of my best qualities, Nevrakis. So, what have you been up to?’

She shrugs. ‘I was invited to a barbecue last night, so that’s what I’ve been doing.’

‘A barbecue? That sounds refreshing.’ He loosens his tie. ‘I can’t take these events anymore. Don’t get me wrong, Portavira is beautiful and I’m enjoying the company, but I wish the setting were less formal. I could go for a burger right about now.’

Olivia lets out a small chuckle. ‘Yeah, well you chose to be here.’

‘True. Not for the food, or the atmosphere, though.’

She falls silent. Is he openly hitting on her? It sure feels like it. She doesn’t know how to deal with it. It’s been so long since she was the one being courted by anyone. She usually has the upper hand, from the get go, and is the one choosing to pursue a man. Usually, successfully.

Or, in the case of Liam, unsuccessfully, for decades.

Rashad obviously notices her awkward silence, and continues. ‘I’ve been told about this other show by the Killing Eve creator, would you have any interest in checking it out sometime?’

Liv nods hesitantly. ‘Why not. Are there murders?’

He laughs. ‘I don’t think so. But the same writer, so...must be brilliant. You in? Or are you just in for the murders?’

‘Eh...I could be swayed.’

‘Cool. Also, you made me crave a fucking burger, thank you very much.’

‘Not my intention, Domvallier, but sorry anyways.’

‘There’s a place not far from here. A few miles away, by downtown.’ He types something on his phone. ‘Oh, and look, it’s open until 1am. After dinner tonight, I’ll sneak out to grab a burger and a shake, if anyone is interested.’ He downs his cider, smiles at her and walks away. ‘See you around, Nevrakis.’

*****

Drake looks at himself in the bathroom mirror, as he washes his hands. He takes a deep breath. So far, so good, right? He cracks his neck. He’s so fucking tense all of a sudden. He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, for anything to go wrong. He keeps looking over his shoulder, and he knows he should appear more normal, but he just can’t help it.

The hardest part is trying not to look at her. Especially in that dress. Even if he’s not looking at her at all, even if his back is to her, she still destroys him with everything she does. Earlier, he was talking to Liam, and she was behind him, chatting with Penelope and her mother, Emmeline. When he heard Amara’s laugh, just for a second, he lost his train of thought and a million butterflies took laps in his stomach.

He can’t stop thinking about their weekend at the cabin. About how natural it all felt. About their hands intertwined over the dinner table. Their bodies enmeshed together, in the kitchen, in the backyard, in the bedroom, in the shower. Their endless conversations, their shared laughter, their deep talks about their families, their hopes and dreams.

He’s gonna have to stop washing his hands at some point.

As he’s about to open the bathroom door, there’s a knock. Weird. He and Amara had agreed to keep a low profile, so no sneaky bathroom rendezvous. He hesitates, and opens the door slowly.

‘Let me in.’

Bastien pushes himself into the bathroom and locks the door behind the two of them.

‘Wow, what’s going on,’ Drake asks.

‘Shh. I wanted to talk to you in private. We don’t have much time.’ Drake nods and listens. ‘Be discreet this week. All eyes are on her. She’s the biggest contender, the slightest faux pas and it’s a scandal. Got it?’

Drake nods. ‘I know. We know. Is there something you should tell me?’

Bastien sighs. ‘I’ve managed to keep you out of it so far, but I don’t know how long I can keep it up, Drake. All you need to know is, there are things that I couldn’t stop. They’re happening. You’re gonna need to be there for her after this weekend.’

Drake shakes his head in disbelief. ‘Wh--what? What things? Is anything coming out about Amara?’

Bastien gestures for Drake to stop talking, and listens through the door. ‘Kiara is approaching, you need to get out. Just stay alert. Ok?’

He pushes Drake through the door before he can say anything else. He can’t deal with even greeting Kiara right now, so he walks in the opposite direction, towards the hallway, where he paces, alone, for too long to not be suspicious.

What does Bastien mean? What could be coming out? Should he warn Amara? Or would it only serve to stressing her out?

‘What are you doing?’ Maxwell interrupts his nervous pacing.

‘Oh, um, nothing. I needed a second.’

Maxwell seems to register that Drake is fully hyperventilating. ‘Good Lord, Drake, let’s go for a walk.’

Max smiles at him and puts a guiding hand on his back, which Drake finds himself feeling grateful for. They walk out the door and towards the gardens, Maxwell’s comforting hand still on his shoulder. ‘Thanks man. I was losing my shit in there,’ Drake says as soon as they’re away from prying ears.

‘Are you ok? You wanna talk about it?’

Drake fills him in, in whispers, all the while looking all around for eavesdroppers. Max’s face falls. ‘Fuck,’ he says, his voice cracking slightly. ‘What did he mean, dammit? What are they gonna do to her?’

Drake shakes his hand, worried that, if he talks too soon, his voice might crack too. ‘I don’t know. I have no idea what they have on her, and Bastien seems to say that no one knows about us, so it can’t be that.’

‘Drake?’ Maxwell asks, looking away at the distance.

‘Hm?’

‘If there’s anything that hurts her, anything at all, you and I need to take her and leave. We’ll go to Paris, we’ll find your sister together. Or somewhere else, I don’t care. We need to protect her, ok?’

Drake’s eyes fill with tears. He must fight them, he thinks. All he can do is nod and avoid Max’s gaze.

Maxwell continues, ‘She’s like my sister, Drake. I saw what this fucked up situation did to Hana, and we were lucky because she bounced back. But Amara… she’s been through enough. I don’t want her to be exposed to anything more.’

Drake can’t fight those tears anymore. They fall on his face, all at once. He doesn’t know what to say, he’s just overwhelmed by everything: stress, guilt, love, friendship. So, he does what anyone would do: he wraps Max in a bear hug.

*****

‘Where are the boys?’ Hana asks, delicately nibbling on a small puff pastry.

Amara found it sweet how she always referred to Drake and Max as ‘the boys’, as if they were her kids, which, on some level, they kind of were. Amara looks around and replies, ‘No idea, I haven’t seen them in a hot minute.’

Hana nods, ‘I need to find Liam. To check on him, I promised.’

Amara feels a pang in her chest. The guilt is back. She and Drake have been dreading every interaction with Liam lately, even more so today, after he opened up to them about Madeleine and the Bastien investigation. She and Drake are sitting on so much information that they can’t share --or won’t share?-- with him, it’s making her sick. Still, she can’t even imagine how Drake must feel about hiding so much from his best friend.

‘Go,’ she tells Hana, ‘I’ll see you later, ok?’

Hana has barely left that Liv is already standing right next to Amara, almost giving her a jumpscare. ‘I’m gonna kill you,’ she says, not helping the scary situation.

‘Jeez, Liv, you probably are, if you keep giving me small heart attacks.’

Olivia gets closer and lowers her voice. ‘Why the fuck did you leave us alone?’

Amara smirks. ‘How was it?’

‘Ugh, you’re unbearable, Suarez. We talked for like two minutes, so you accomplished nothing.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

Liv lowers her voice some more. ‘He invited me to sneak out after dinner and have a burger.’

Amara cannot contain her excitement, and her smile betrays how she feels about the two of them getting together. ‘Are you gonna go? Please tell me you’re gonna go.’

Liv shrugs. ‘I don’t know. It’s definitely risky to sneak out of the estate, but at this point, I’m not sure I care if anyone sees me. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong.’

‘Yet,’ Amara chuckles, her eyebrows raised playfully.

Oh shut up, you perv. Besides, I’m not like you or Walker, I can’t be bought with a circle of meat and some cheese.’

Amara bites her lip in order not to laugh. A circle of meat? What a weird way to describe a hamburger patty. ‘Yeah, plus, you had a burger last night, it would be a shame to repeat menus,’ she says sarcastically.

Olivia raises an eyebrow and breaks into a small smile. ‘Well, he also promised a shake, so that’s new.’

*****

‘I really appreciate this, Hana, you have no idea how much I needed the escape,’ Liam says, visibly more relaxed than yesterday already.

They left the estate to go wander in the gardens, and no one batted an eye. Ever since the picture of Caroline and her surfaced, Hana noticed that everyone stopped seeing her as a threat. Which was, probably, exactly the effect that was seeked by the person who did this.

In any case, she appreciated the sense of invisibility, after the whole scandalous aspect, so the joke was definitely on them.

‘Of course,’ Hana responds. ‘You seemed like you needed to talk, yesterday. You must have been disappointed that Drake was not around.’

Liam nods, looking at his feet. ‘I was.’ He pauses for a brief moment, and Hana waits for him to continue. She knows there’s more. ‘If I’m being honest, I feel very neglected by my friend. We’ve been close for years, by each other’s side through thick and thin. And now…’

Hana nods, and asks, ‘You feel like you’re growing apart.’

‘Exactly. I don’t know what it is, but I have a few guesses. Could be that I’m becoming king, sooner than we thought, and it definitely went to my head a bit.’

Hana’s heart breaks a little. ‘Don’t judge yourself too harshly. It’s a lot to take in. Especially with your father’s diagnosis, and all.’

‘Yes. It’s been rough. But even before I found out about my father, it went to my head. Specifically this,’ he gestures at the estate with all the festivities, ‘the competition.’

Hana gives him a sweet smile, ‘Whose head would it NOT go to? People are lining up for your hand, Liam. It’s a lot of attention, and there is no perfect way to handle it.’

Liam chuckles, ‘Well, my way certainly wasn’t perfect.’ He stops walking, and Hana follows suit. He looks at his coffee cup before taking a small sip, too small for him to taste anything. Obviously to gain time. ‘You must have heard,’ he adds. ‘You and Amara are close. I behaved in a very crass way with her. That might be why Drake is so distant. He’s always disapproved of my relentlessness with women, and this time, well, it was directed towards someone he cares about.’

Hana’s heart skips a beat. She needs to be very careful about what she says next. Pick her words, so she doesn’t lie, but doesn’t give them away either. ‘Drake is a caring friend. Amara and I have grown to care about him as well, and about Maxwell too. They’ve been a tremendous source of support through an intense situation.’

Liam smiles wistfully. ‘Drake is an amazing friend. So is Max.’

Hana lets the silence sit for a while, and then says, ‘So, if you could have talked to Drake yesterday, one on one, what would you have said to him?’

‘Heh, I’m not even sure. Probably that I’m feeling lost, that I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel alone.’ He stops and resumes his walking. Hana follows again. She feels for him, and if she can give him a tiny bit of companionship today, she will. And the next days, if he needs it. ‘Hana, I used to think I knew what’s gonna happen this weekend. But now I don’t.’

Hana notices that Liam’s hands are shaking. ‘It’s normal to be unsure. It’s your life we’re talking about. Your future.’

‘Yeah,’ he nods. ‘I used to be sure, though. As soon as I lay my eyes on her, in New York. When I saw her at the Debut Ball in Cordonia. I knew I wanted her.’

Hana sighs. She knew he was smitten with Amara, but she didn’t know how bad it was. Truly, he was bad at reading signals, because Amara had given him very little indication that she was interested ever since she’d arrived. Still, she needed to comfort him. ‘It must be tough. But you’ll find someone else, someone who loves you.’

‘Do you believe this, Hana?’ His voice is now filled with tears that he won’t let fall. ‘I have to choose a wife on Saturday. Saturday, as in five days from now. Amara is not in love with me. Liv is having sex with her bodyguard.’

‘Which doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, Liam. Come on, you know her. And you have to realize that what happened between her and Ilya was physical.’

He nods, visibly calming down. ‘Maybe. But she refuses to talk to me, now.’

‘Maybe she’s embarrassed. Maybe you’ve even made her feel embarrassed.’

He lets out a long sigh. ‘You’re right. I told myself I needed to perform a grand gesture, because I’ve taken Liv for granted for years. Maybe now’s the time.’

*****

Taglist:

@drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @jovialyouthmusic @notoriouscs @andy-loves-corgis @mariahschoices @drakesensworld @thequeenofcronuts @drakewalkerisreal @alesana45 @nikkis1983 @simsvetements @iplaydrake @emceesynonymroll @lily1999love @drakewalkerwhipped @drakewalkerrosenberg @drakxwalker @drakeswalkers @drakelover78 @silviasutton1989 @dcbbw @carabeth @furiousherringoperatortoad @hollygirl1269 @sirbeepsalot

Thank you for your encouragements, everyone! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)

#dramara #drake x amara #drake walker x amara suarez #drake x mc #drake walker #drake walker x mc #drake walker trr #trr drake #drake trr #the royal romance #the royal romance fanfic #choices fanfiction #trr fanfic #that's not why i'm going

[babyioniive-blog]

fight for me

summary: Lydia and Calum have a history together. Calum is an illegal fighter and Lydia left to escape When Lydia comes back into town, unspoken feelings rise to the surface and new challenges arise. 

word count: 14.8k

a/n: i’ve worked on this bad boy longer than i’d like to admit. This was inspired by @cakesunflower her stories about fighter or boxing got me thinking and I came up with this. This is in no way trying to copy her work!!! I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. 

- 

“Olivia please don’t drag me with you” I begged as my sister dragged me to the underground arena. “You need to get out more Lydia.” Olivia exclaims to me. 

The last time I was in that arena was when I saw him get knocked out cold. Calum Hood is an illegal boxer and also, my ex-boyfriend. Olivia dragged me to one of his fights one time because her boyfriend, Ashton, trains and manages him. We met at the afterparty and just hit it off from there. We bonded over our taste in music and our shitty taste in beer. I stuck with him through everything. I was there when he got more involved in the ring. I knew the fighting was getting to be a lot for him and when I saw him almost die, I couldn't do it anymore. I knew how much he loved the feeling of it. I knew how he loved the exhilarating feeling of when he won a tough fight. It was the highest of highs for him. And he was pretty damn good too. I loved being there to support him but, after that day I couldn’t do it anymore. I broke it off with him and went to college. I couldn’t make him choose between me or boxing. That was selfish so, I chose for him, thinking I was doing the right thing. It wasn’t the right thing. I made the mistake. 

“Everyone there hates me. You don’t understand.” I say exasperatedly. “No they don’t Lyd.” Olivia says tiredly. “They may not but I know Calum does. I haven’t spoken to him in a year Liv. He doesn’t want me there.” “If there is one thing I know, he wants you there, always.” Olivia says to me. “Not after what I did.” I say and stop dead in my tracks. “I broke it off with him. I made the choice. I haven’t talked to him in so long. He hates me and it’s all my fault. I can’t show my face there. It’s not fair to him.” I finish. “You’re going. You need to see him. He’s good now Lyd. He’s better.” Olivia says trying her best to convince me to go willingly. “Ugh you’re not gonna take no for an answer.” “No I’m not so just make this easy.” Olivia says as I relent. 

We get there and all of the memories come rushing back to me. The smell of burnt hotdogs. The sound of loud people and loud music blasting. I recognize the regulars. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” I mutter. This reminds me of his highest of highs and lowest of lows. I see the ring and it all hits me. I think of the times when he came out with blood dripping everywhere or when I thought he wasn’t gonna come out alive. I think of the bruises on his calloused hands. I think of the times he sat on my counter as I cleaned up his gashes. The feeling was overwhelming. 

Olivia guides me to where Ashton and his other friends Luke and Michael are. “Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. It’s nice to see you again Lydia.” Luke says as he sees me and pulls me in for a hug. “How have you been?” Michael asks as he hugs me too. How have I been? I don’t even know the answer to that. “I’ve been okay. School has swallowed me up.” I say not making eye contact. “How are you?” I ask back. “I’m good. Busy here keeping things on track.” He says. I just nod. Olivia and Ashton are talking. Ashton turns to me and whispers to me, “I know this is hard for you. Thank you for coming.” I just nod and smile nervously. He had no clue. “Does he know I’m here?” I ask him. He shakes his head and my face falls. “Great.” “Hey don’t worry about it. I think he’ll be happy that you’re here.” He says trying to reassure me. “Ashton, you and I both know he won’t be happy.” I said to him. He just makes a sad face and changes the conversation. “Who is he fighting tonight?” I ask and nobody answers my question. “Hello?” I say again. “You wanna tell her?” Luke asks as he looks to my sister. “He’s fighting Damon Banks.” Damon Banks. I knew that name from anywhere. He was one of the toughest fighters. Calum always talked about how his goal was to beat him. Damon was dangerous. He’s left people in that ring close to dead. He can’t be fighting him. “I’m sorry. He’s fighting who?” I asked again. “Listen I know you’re confused but he’s grown so much. Since you left, he’s improved a lot. He can beat him.” Luke says to me. I just stay silent. Since I left he said. That hurt. 

It was almost fighting time so Ashton went over to Calum's corner to hype him up. He’s gonna need it for this one. “I think you should know something before you go on.” Ashton said to him. “What is it?” Calum asked. “Lydia's here.” Ashton said and his eyes widened. 

It looked like that bomb hit harder than any punch could. He looks over sees me. We made direct eye contact. Great. The announcer comes on and announces the fighters. The fight was about to begin. 

The fight was brutal. He was down, battered and bloody. He almost lost but he found the strength to get up. With that he beat Damon with one punch. 

He won.

 Calum won against Damon Banks. Once he stepped out of the ring, Ashton greeted him with a towel. The feeling Calum felt had to have been euphoric. “Congrats man! You deserved that win.” Ashton says to him and he just smiles at him. “My man!” Luke greets him as he pats his back. “That was amazing Cal. Im proud of you” Michael says to him. “How do you feel?” Olivia asks. I try my best to stay behind. “I feel” he pauses “amazing.” That’s the first I heard his voice in a year. His deep raspy voice brought me back. Olivia whispers to me “You gonna speak Lyd?” “No.” I say back. She gives me a knowing look. Calum turns to me and says, “Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes.”

 I feel my breath hitch in my throat. “Hi Calum.” Is all I can think of saying. I mentally hit myself. “I’m gonna give you two a second.” Michael says and with that, they all go, leaving just me and Calum. I look at him and say “You dyed your hair blonde.” He chuckles “You cut yours.” He replied. “That tends to happen at 2am post mental breakdown.” I say back hoping the ground swallows me up. “Why are you here?” He asks. “Well, you want the honest truth or what I tell people so they don’t question me?” I ask. “Both.” “So I've told people I’m taking a gap year so I can catch up with family but the truth is, it’s so depressing at college. Everyone are assholes and it’s caused my anxiety to go crazy so I’m taking a break for my mental health.” I say honestly. “M sorry to hear that.” He replies. “I should be apologizing to you.” I say to him. He just shakes his head. “Tonight is too good of a night to be bothered with the past.” He replied. “I agree.” I turn to walk away and he goes to change and get ready. 

“Where are we celebrating?” Michael asks. “Party at my house?” Olivia asks and I glare at her. “Come on Lyd, ease up.” Olivia says. I just nod my head. This is so not how I wanted to spend my night.

At my house, it's me, the boys and a few other people from Calums gym. Olivia is drinking. I’m not really in the mood for all of this so I sit in the corner of the living room. I decided to go outside for some air. I just sit on the patio taking it all in. I watch the stars for a while. I don’t even realize it’s almost 1am. Soon i’m joined by someone. I turn around and see Calum and give him a small smile. He comes and sits down next to me and takes out a cigarette. We sit in silence. I’m the first to break the silence. 

“Those are gonna kill you one day.” I say to him. “Me and you both know that I have a better chance of dying inside that ring than by this.” He says as he looks at me. “That’s why you left isn’t it.” Calum says. Is it? Is that what he wants to hear? “I thought you didn’t want to talk about this tonight.” I reply. “Call me curious.” He mutters. “To answer your question, It was a part of it yes.” I paused “After seeing you almost die multiple times in that ring, I just couldn’t do it Calum.” I say looking at my feet. “You could’ve talked to me.” He said. “I didn’t want to make you chose. That’s selfish of me.” I say as he stays silent. “I regret it.” I finish. “Me too.” He says standing up. “You didn’t do anything.” I mutter to him. “I didn’t fight for you.” he pauses “and I fucking hate myself for it.” he said walking away but stops before he gets to the door. “and for the record, if you did make me choose, I would've chosen you.” He says leaving me speechless and with that he walks inside. 

I decided to go to bed and think about the night's events. The love Calum and I had was a once in a lifetime thing. We were each other's everything. I never stopped loving him, and I don’t think I ever will. 

                                                        ******

The next morning I woke to be greeted by 3 men in my kitchen. “Did anyone leave last night?” I question. “A few did. Calums in the bathroom.” I nod and go to the cereal. “How did that go last night? I saw you guys talking outside.” Luke ask. “It went okay. We kinda talked about it.” I said. “Please don’t hurt him again.” Luke replies. I stopped dead in my tracks. “What do you mean?” I asked. “I mean, that when you left Lydia, he was devastated. He was hurting bad. I don't want to have to pick up the pieces again” Luke responds. “Mate I think now isn’t a good ti-” Ashton starts but I interrupt. I’m not doing this right now. He has no clue what I went through. It wasn't an easy choice. “You think I wasn’t devastated? You think that I wasn’t hurting too?” I pause. “That choice was the hardest fucking choice I’ve ever had to make. It was stupid of me not to talk to him about it yes but I was hurting too. You have no clue what I went through either. Knowing it was my fault too. You have no clue. No fucking clue Luke. You don’t know what it’s like to see someone you love, go into that ring and not know if they’ll make it out alive. I loved him, fuck I still do and I always will but that’s not why I’m here. Don’t you think for a second that I wasn’t hurting too.” I finish and Calum walks out of the bathroom and with that I walk back upstairs. “The fuck did you say to her?” Calums questions. “Just that I didn’t want her to hurt you again.” Luke replied. Calum clenches his jaw and just says “Stay out of it.” After that, silence fills the kitchen. 

Eventually they all left to go to the gym to train. Calum had another match tomorrow. Ashton was having a mini get together with Olivia and the boys and he invited me. Dinner, some drinks. “Lydia please come.” Olivia begged. “So Luke can humiliate me in front of everyone again? no thanks I'll sit this one out.” I pleaded. “Calum told him to stay out of it. He won’t try anything. I promise.” Calum did what? Why would he defend me? I eventually considered it and decided to go. 

We walked in and I'm greeted by Ashton and Michael. Luke is on the couch and Calum is outside having a smoke. I decided to go into the kitchen and get a drink. After all, I’m gonna need it tonight. 

“You haven’t changed at all have you?” I’m greeted by Calums raspy voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I look at him in question. “You still drink that shit?” He says chuckling. “I rarely drink but if I see this in someone’s fridge I’m bound to take it.” I reply back. He walks over to me. “Sorry bout Luke earlier. He shouldn’t have said that.” he said sincerely. “He’s looking out for you. I deserved it anyway.” I mutter. “Listen I know it was a tough choice for you to make. You were hurting too. You didn’t deserve it.” he said. Why is he looking out for me? I hurt him. I fucked up bad. I broke his heart and it was my fault. “Why are you talking to me? Why don’t you hate me after what I did? I fucked up majorly and yet you still associate with me.” I said to him. “I couldn’t hate you even if I tried. What you did… fucking hurt.” he paused  but “I know I wasn’t the only one hurting. Your sister told me a little bit after you left.” he replied to me. I stayed silent. “Do you regret it?” He questions. Yes. “More than anything in the world.” I reply honestly. “Can I ask you one more thing?” His jaw clenched. I nod. “Would you have stayed if I quit?” he asks. I think about it for a second. “I would’ve never asked you too but yes, I would’ve. I wish I never fucking left.” and with that I get up and move to find Olivia. I wanted to go home. 

“Can we leave please? I’m getting overwhelmed.” I ask her once I find her. “Lyd I drank I can't drive.” she says to me. “I will.” I hear from behind me. I turned around to see calum standing  there with his hands in his front pockets. “I haven’t drank.” he mutters softly. “o-okay” i stutter. We walk to the car and start driving. It was almost completely silent. “Are you fighting anyone good tomorrow?” I asked. “Nah. Just an amateur. probably will just be a 3 minute match.” he replied. I hummed. “Are you coming?” He asks. I see hope in his eyes. “Do you want me too?” I ask back. “I always said you were my good luck charm.” With that he smiles a little and I feel my cheeks go red. “I’ll go. Only if you want me too” I reply. “I do.” Before we knew it, I was at my apartment. “Thanks for the ride.” I say. “Course. See ya around.” He replied. I simply smile and nod. He waits until I’m in before he leaves.

 Tonight was eventful. I go take out my contacts and get ready for bed. Right before I turned out the light my phone buzzed.

Calum

Thanks for your honesty. See you tomorrow.

Wow. Do I even respond? 

Lydia

Thanks for hearing me out. See you then. 

With that I just went to bed. I don’t want to fall for him again. I can’t, fall for him again. I don’t want to experience the pain I felt again. I don’t want to be terrified of him doing something he loves. He said he’d quit for me but how can I ask him to do that? I don’t want to feel then pain but I miss the love. I miss the feeling of being in his arms. I miss the feeling of waking up next to him. I miss hearing the ‘I love you’s” before and after every match. 

I miss the feeling of being loved. 

                                                 ******

“Wake the fuck up Lydia.” Olivia yells in my face. I jolt awake “What? What do you want?” I ask. “Get ready we’re going to breakfast. Well, lunch now because you took forever to wake up.” She exclaims. “Number one, what time is it? Number two, with who?” I ask groggily. Please don’t say Calum. Please don’t say Calum i think to myself. “It’s 11:00am and Ash and Cal.” Of course. “Is this some weird way of saying we’re going on a double date because I don’t think I’m ready for tha-” She cuts me off. “No it’s not. It’s me saying you two are gonna fix whatever your problems are so it’s not weird to hang out together.” “He asked me to go to his match tonight. I think we’re doing just fine.” “Look at that. Progress. Now get ready. Ashton is picking us up in 30 minutes.” “I hate you.” I mutter and throw a pillow at her as she walks out. 

I get up and quickly get ready. Ashton pulls up and we get in the car. Of course Calum is in the back seat with me. “Good Morning” Ashton exclaims. I just say it back quietly and crawl in the back. “What’s her problem?” Ashton asks gesturing toward me. “I woke her up and she wasn’t happy.” Olivia explains and he just nods and kisses her. I sit in the back with Calum. “Good morning!” He says to me. Someones offly cheery today. “Good morning.” I say back. “How’d you sleep?” He asked. Shitty. “Couldn’t get my mind to settle so I didn’t really sleep.” I say back. He looks at me with a look that’s hard to read. “M sorry. Any reason in particular?” You, I wanted to say. “Everything.” I say back shrugging. “How did you sleep?” I ask. “Couldn’t get comfy. Bruises all over from my fight with Damon.” He replied. “I bet. It was a gnarly fight.” I reply. “Yeah but I feel better knowing that he looks much worse.” He chuckles. I laugh and the car is filled with silence other than the radio. It’s a comfortable silence surprisingly.  

We get to the restaurant and sit down. Olivia is next to Ashton and I’m next to Calum. I swear Olivia does this on purpose. Calum and I used to come here together all of the time. “What are you guys getting?” Ashton asks. “I’m getting the-” I start but before I can finish Calum steps in with, “The belgian waffles with strawberries on it and on the side.” “You remember.” I say to him. “How can I forget? We used to come here twice a week.” He said looking into my eyes. Olivia and Ashton just watch the interaction in silence. Soon the waitress comes over and takes our order. The table is filled with small talk. “So Lydia how’s college been?” Ashton asks and Olivia and Calum just look at me. “Um it’s okay.” I reply not wanting to elaborate on the subject. Olivia gives Ash a look and all of the sudden I feel coldness on my thigh. I look down and see Calums ringed fingers on my leg. I feel my breath hitch in my throat. I look at him and he gives me a reassuring look. After that Olivia asks “Calum are you ready for your fight tonight?” “Yeah. Shouldn’t be too hard.” He replied taking his hand off of my thigh. Our food comes and we all eat. Surprisingly this wasn’t that bad. We were eating and things were going fine until ashton gets a call. “Hello? I’m kinda busy right now what’s up?” He said into the phone. “What? Luke slow down. What happened?” We all look at Ashton in concern. “He wants a rematch? For what? Cal won fair and square.” I look at Calum concerningly and he has a blank look on his face. “Okay give me a few we’ll be there. I’m with the girls.” 

Ashton hung up and Olivia asks, “What’s going on?” “Damon wants a rematch. He came to the gym and basically ambushed Luke and Michael.” “Are they okay?” I ask. “Yeah they’re fine. He threatened them and-” It was Calums turn to speak. “Threatened who?” 

“He threatened Lydia.” 

The world stopped spinning. Me. Why me? They all stare at me. “I’m gonna kill him.” Calum muttered as his jaw clenched. “Why me?” I ask quietly looking at my hands. “He saw you there that night and he heard us talking to you. He figured you were close to Cal. Lydia I’m so sorry.” Ashton explains. Calum just looks at me. He doesn’t know what to say but neither do I. We pay and leave and go to the gym. 

We’re in the car and Calum grabs my hand reassuringly, “He won’t touch you. I won’t let him.” I look into his eyes. Why me? I just came home. I didn’t ask for this. I just look into his eyes and softly nod. 

We arrived at the gym to be greeted by Luke and Michael. “Tell me exactly what happened.” Calum demands. “H-he stormed in here and demanded to see you or Ash but when I told him you weren’t here he got pissed. He grabbed the collar of my shirt and demanded a rematch and that if he doesn’t get it he’s gonna-” He stopped and looked at me worriedly, “He’s gonna what Luke?” Calum yelled. “He’s gonna find L-Lydia.” Calums jaw clenched. Olivia just grabs onto me and hugs me. I stare blankly. Calum looks at me softly “From now on, you don’t travel alone okay? You stay with one of us.” I just look at him and nod. “He wants a rematch? I’ll give him a fucking rematch.” Calum mutters and storms into the locker rooms. They all look at me like I’m about to break. “Are you okay Lydia?” Olivia asks. Am I? I mean, I just got told a big scary man is after me just because he wants to fight my ex-boyfriend. “I don’t know.” that's all I can say right now. “I’m gonna go check on Calum.” Luke says and goes to the locker room. “He’s probably gonna come to his fight tonight.” Ashton mutters to us. “Calum asked me to be here tonight.” I tell him. “I don’t know if he’ll want you here now.”  “He won’t want her alone.” Olivia mutters. 

Calum and Luke walk out. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” Calum asks me. “Yeah.” We walk over to the other side of the ring. “I’m so sorry this is happening.” He says refusing to look me in the eye. “It’s not your fault.” I say back. “It is though.” “No it’s not Cal. You didn’t ask for that to happen. You didn’t know it would.” Cal. I haven’t called him that yet since I’ve been back and I think he noticed. He looked up at that. “I won’t let him hurt you.” He says to me. “I know. I trust you.” I paused. “Ashton said something that he might be here for your match tonight. I don’t know If you still want me he-” he cuts me off “I’d rather you here than home by yourself.” He said. “I figured. I just wanted to make sure.” I said to him. “I need to get training. I’ll see you around okay? Please don’t go anywhere alone. I- I don’t know what he’s capable of.” He said worriedly. “I won’t.” He said something under his breath but i heard him anyway, “I’m not losing you again.” 

And with that, he stalked off to train and Ashton took Olivia and I home. The car ride back was silent. It was deafening. He walked us in and I locked myself in my room. 

I just left college to give my head a break and now this happens. I’m being stalked because some guy wants to fight Calum. Why me? I left to escape this. Calum has fought some pretty rough guys but they never went to the extent of this. They never threatened anyone outside the ring, let alone me, someone he hasn’t spoken too in a year. 

                                           ********

After a while I hear a knock on the door, “Hey Lyd, we have to get ready to go.” Olivia says as she peeks her head in. I nod and get up. I walk downstairs and I’m greeted by Ash. “Hey we have to go now. Calums already there but I need to be there soon. He doesn’t want you guys going alone.” We just nod in response and go to the car.

Once we get there I see Calum in the ring training. He glances at me and nods. I returned the gesture and continue to watch him. Luke was certainly right. He has improved. I mean, he had quite the motivation.

 Soon it’s time for the fight and he’s about to go on. He comes over to us and asks Luke, “Has anyone seen him?” He shakes his head. “We have people looking everywhere and there’s no sign of him anywhere.” Luke say and Calum just nods. I don’t even know what he wanted the answer to be. He’s about to go on but I stop him, “Good luck.” I say with a soft smile. “Thanks. I’ll see you in a few okay? You’ll be okay.” He says before he walks into the ring. I wasn’t sure if he was referring to going into the ring or the crazy man that was currently after me. I just nod in response. 

The fight began and he was right. It was only 5 minutes, if that. He came off. “Well that was easy.” He said to Ashton. “Nonetheless you still did good,” Luke says. Calum was about to say something until he was stopped.

“Gotta say Hood, nice fight. Too bad he was an amateur.” Damon Banks says.

Calum grabs my arms pushed me behind him. “What are you doing here Banks?” He says with a clenched jaw. “Relax. You don’t have to play guard dog right now. I’m just stopping in to make sure your friend relayed the message.” He replied. “Yeah we got it. Leave.” Ashton said. “5 days Hood. You have 5 days.” Damon said and walked off. Calums first instinct was to turn to me, “Are you okay?” “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” I ask him. “‘M fine. Stay here with Ashton. I’m gonna go get ready and then I’ll take you home.” I just nod. “Where are you guys going?” “I’m staying at his place tonight.” Olivia says. “But I can’t be alone.” I reply. “Shit that’s right. Calum and I can stay at your place then?” Ash asks Olivia who looks at me. I’d feel safer with them there anyway. “Yeah whatever.” I mutter to them. Calum comes back out and Ashton fills him in about what's happening. He just nods and looks to me, “You ready?” I mutter a quick yes and we go to his car.

We get situated in the car. “Thank you for coming tonight. I know it brings back unwanted memories.” “Cal-” “No I mean it. I'm glad you came.” He said sincerely. “I’m glad I came.” I say. Was I? “You sure?” “I mean yeah. Beats sitting at home alone and paranoid.” I say as he chuckles. “I’m so sorry about everything happening Lydia. I know it’s scary but just know I won’t let him hurt you.” He said as he grabbed my hand. His touch sent me back. I missed this feeling. “I trust you Cal.” I say before realizing the name again. “Cal huh?” He questions and my face goes red. “I- Uh” “It’s okay. I missed hearing you say that.” I laugh and try to hide my face. We soon get to my house and I unlock the door. “If you need to use the bathroom its the-” “Third door on the right. I remember.” “Course you do.” He goes up and gets ready for bed. 

Soon Olivia and Ashton walk in with dinner for us all. “I got you chicken. Your sister said you’d eat it.” Ashton said to me. “Thanks Ash but I’m not really hungry.” I have no appetite. Too much worry and paranoia. I hear footsteps behind me and I jump. “Easy there doll. It’s just me. Have you eaten since this morning?” Calum asks. Did I? No. I didn’t. I barely even ate that. “No I don’t think so.” “Please eat Lyd.” Olivia pleads. “‘M not hungry.” I reply. Calum sits down next to me and grabs my hand, “Why doll?” I wanna smile at the pet name. “I just don’t have an appetite.” “She doesn’t eat when she’s nervous.” Olivia steps in. Calums thumb draws circles around my hand. He looks into my eyes pleadingly. “Please don’t be scared. He won’t hurt you. I won’t let him.” He said, “Now please eat.” He finishes as he passes my food to me. I eat and feel a lot better. Funny how that works out.

We all sit down and eat and forget our problems. We all just talk and hangout. I missed this a lot. Eventually we all decide to go to bed. Ashton and Olivia go up and sleep in Olivia’s room. Calum went in our guest room and I went to my room. I try my hardest to go to sleep but I kept tossing and turning. I start to relax and let sleep take over me.

“.....What’s happening? Why isn’t he moving?” I yell at Ashton.

Calum was in his third round with Damon Banks. He was down and he wasn’t moving. I kept asking what was wrong but no one would answer. 

“Ashton what’s wrong?” I kept asking. 

The paramedic went in the room and tried to take his pulse. There was nothing there. “He’s unresponsive.” The paramedic said. “Well do something!” “I can’t. It’s too late.” He replied. 

“What do you mean it’s too late?” Ashton yells. “He can’t be gone he has a girlfriend and friends and a family, he can’t be gone!” 

The other paramedic says, Calum Hood death time 9:08pm. 

He was gone. My Calum was gone. The world stopped spinning. I couldn’t breathe. He was gone. Dead.

I woke up sobbing. What time is it? I grabbed my phone. 2:18am. Fuck. I can’t breathe. I can’t be alone right now. I can’t do this. I don’t know what to do. What do I do? Do I go get Olivia? She’s with Ashton.

Calum. 

I find myself walking to our guest room and open the door. “Calum?” He stirs awake. “Lydia? What’s wrong?” “This was stupid. Just go back to bed. Goodnight.” I turn to leave. This was stupid. “No no come sit.” “Are you sure?” “Yes Lydia. Come here.” I comply and sit down. “Is everything okay?” He asks tiredly. “No.” I paused. “I just had really fucking scary dream.” I say trying to hide my tears. I think he picked up on it because he pulled me into his chest. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Do I? Should I? “Um well, you had your rematch a-and Damon knocked you down and-” My breath hitches, “And you didn’t get back up.” He understood what I meant and just held me tighter. He kissed the top of my head. “I-I don’t wanna lose you again Cal. I can’t.” “You won’t, love. I promise you won't”. ''I’m sorry for waking you.” I said sincerely. “I’d rather you wake me then have to be alone.” He replied. “Do you wanna stay in here?” He asks. “No no it’s okay I’ve bothered you enough-” “Lydia.” He says sternly. “Okay yes.” We lay down and I get comfy. “Goodnight Lydia.” “Goodnight Cal.” He snakes his arm around my waist and kisses my shoulder. I fucking did it again. 

I fell for Calum.  

                                           **********

I woke up before him. I needed to pee but Calum's arm was still around me. I try to move but Calum groans and pulls me back. “Cal, I have to pee.” He just groans and sets me free. I chuckle at him and get up. I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth.  I go back to see him scrolling through his phone. “Good morning sunshine.” I say sarcastically. “It was until you got up.” He mutters. I crawl back into bed to face him. “Did you sleep any better?” He asked. If we’re being honest, it was the best sleep I’ve gotten in the past few weeks. “Much better. Thank you for last night.” I thank him and he just says “Of course. Come to me whenever.” I just smile and nod. I hear someone else wake  up, “Welp I guess that’s my cue.” I say as I start to get up before his big hands pulls me back. “No. Just stay here.” “Cal we can’t. If I do recall, you have a big match to train for in 4 days.” “Don’t remind me.” He says as he stuck his head in the crook of my neck. “Come on.” I say as he complies “Ugh fine.” I didn’t even realize he was shirtless. The only thing he had on was a pair of grey sweats that hung low at his waist. I missed seeing him like that. 

I try my best to sneak into my room and go down stairs. Once I go down I see Olivia and Ashton making breakfast. “Good Morning! How’d you sleep?” Ash says to me “Amazing” I reply. “Glad to hear it.” Olivia replies for him. “Lyd can I speak to you for a second?” Olivia says. I nod and we go into the living room. “Ash may not have caught you but I certainly did. Care to explain why you slept in the guest room with Calum?” Fuck. “I couldn’t sleep. I had a scary ass dream and I would always go to him before when it happened. So I don’t know I went to him and he calmed me down and then I kinda just fell asleep.” I say honestly. “Are you two like, a thing again?” She asks. Are we? Well no not officially but we’re more than friends. Right? I mean we did sleep together last night. “No.” I start but she gives me a look. “I don’t know” I say getting flustered. “It’s complicated.” “Do you still love him?” Yes. “Yes of course. I always will but now is not the time. I just got him back Liv. I don’t want to drive him away.” I say back. “Lyd, he looks at you like you’re the last person left on earth. I don’t think there’s a better time.” She says as she walks off. God I don’t want to ruin it again. 

Calum comes down stairs and sits down next to me. “Calum, we have to train all day today. You need to be ready.” Ashton said. He just groans and puts his head on the table. “Yeah yeah I figured.” He replied back tiredly. “How’d you sleep?” Ashton asked. “Can’t complain.” He replied and looked at me briefly. I try my best to hide my red cheeks. He’s gonna be the death of me. “What’s the plan for today?” I asked Olivia. “I have to run a few errands so that means you’re coming along.” She said to me. “Lovely.” We finish breakfast and they go on their merry way. 

                                       *************

Olivia ran all of her errands and we decided to stop in to see Ash and Cal at the end of the day. “What’s up fuckers?” Olivia yells as she walks into the gym. Calum and Ashton turn around. “You’re still going at it? It’s been 8 hours.” She continued. “Liv did you see who he’s fighting?” I chuckle and Ash nods his head in agreement. “We were just finishing up anyway.” Calum says. “I’m gonna go clean up.” He said as he left. “Is he okay?” I ask. “He’s stressed. His body is worn down. He’s bruised. He’s terrified of you getting hurt.” Ash said gesturing to me. “He hates this all.” He finished. I don’t want him to have to worry about me. He needs to focus.

After a little while, Calum walks back out with his stuff. “You ready?” he asks Ashton. Ashton simply nods. Cal walks up to me and just kisses the top of my head. “I’ll see you around.” Olivia and Ashton smile at the gesture. Olivia and I walk to the car and start to head home. 

I’m lost in my thoughts. Why is he being so confusing? I keep thinking before I’m brought out of my thoughts by Liv “Shit Lyd, I need to run to the store and get tampons.” “Okay. I’ll stay in the car. ‘M tired.” I reply. We park and she goes in I keep thinking to myself. Will he make it out okay? Will I make it out okay? I’ve never been more terrified of the unknown and I don’t know what to do. 

After 20 minutes I start to get concerned so I get out to go to the store. I’m walking in before I heard,

“You’d think Hood would know better than to leave his girl alone.” 

Damon Banks. 

No fucking way this is happening right now. “How’d you find me?” 

“I saw you and your sister pull out of the gym. Where is she by the way?” He asks. “What do you want from me?” I ask. He just walks closer to me as I walk back. We go so far back that I bump into the car. He grabs onto my wrists tightly. “Just tryin to send your boyfriend a message.” My wrists hurt. He won’t let go. “You’ve sent one loud and clear. Now please let me go.” I plead but he won’t stop. Tears are brimming my eyes. Where is my fucking sister? “Y-you’re hurting me please.” I try but he just looks coldly into my eyes. “Tell him I’m looking forward to our match. And this time I'll make sure he doesn't walk out alive.” He says as he finally releases. My sister finally walks out and sees him standing over me. “Lydia?” She yells. “Your sisters coming.” He said “A little too late don’t ya think?” He said to her. “Damon.” She says as her face falls to my tear filled one. “I’m just leaving.” He looks back at me “Nice talkin to ya.” 

“Go to hell.” I say through gritted teeth. 

Olivia runs over to me and hugs me. I stand still. “Can we go please?” “Y-yeah of course.” We get in the car. “I’m so sorry Lydia. I didn’t mean to take so long. I couldn’t find them because they rearranged the store and then they weren’t on the shelf-” “It’s fine just drive.” I say. “No it’s not fine Lydia.” She sees me holding one to my wrists. “Did he hurt you?” She says as she grabs my wrist inspecting the bruises. “How hard did he grab you?” she asks concerningly. I just look down. “We have to call the boys.” She says. “No.” “No? Damon just assaulted you and you don't want to tell them?” “No I don’t want them to worry more.” “I’m sorry but I’m calling Calum.” “Liv please-” I try but it’s too late. She puts it on speaker 

“Olivia? What’s up? Is everything okay?” I hear over the phone.

“Well no not really. It’s about Lydia.” 

“What happened?” I hear with concern lacing his voice.

“Damon happened.” she said. “Come over to my house please. Like now.” 

                                            *************

Calum was seeing red. “Where is she?” He yelled as he walked in. Liv points to the living room. He walks in, no. Runs in to see me sitting on the couch crying trying to cover my bruises. The sight has to be heartbreaking. The man who wants him dead hurt the one thing that mattered most to him. He comes over and sits down next to me. He grabs my cheeks with his calloused hands. “I need you to tell me what happened.” He starts. 

“L-liv had to go to the store and I stayed in the car but she was taking too long so I got out and” I hiccuped “and he was waiting by the store and he stopped me. H-he backed me up into the car and gripped onto my wrists. He said he was sending a message. That he’s gonna make sure that-” I hiccup again. “That you’re not gonna come out alive.” My biggest nightmare. He takes it all in and grabs my hands but I yanked them away. It hurt. He grabs them again more gently and inspects the bruises. 

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” He says to me as he stands up. He has no expression on his face.  “Calum please don’t. I don’t know what he’ll do to you.” I beg. “Are you kidding me Lydia? You could’ve been severely hurt. You think your wrists are bad? If your sister didn’t come out when she did, he could’ve done so much worse.” He yells. “Please don’t yell at me.” I plead. “I’m sorry but look at you right now. If he would’ve hurt you more I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I’m supposed to protect you. I promised I’d keep you safe. And here we are.” With that my sister walks in, “Calum.” She says, “And you. You weren’t there. Your sister has big fucking bruises from this man that wants me dead and you weren’t there.” He yells. “Mate please.” Ash says. “Don’t do that mate bullshit right now. How are you not mad?” He yells again. “I’m furious Cal. But I don’t want you to go do something stupid.” Ash says to him. “I can’t believe you right now.” Calum says as he stalks toward the door. “Where are you going?” Ashton asks. “Out.” “Calum please.” I beg. He just looks at me and walks out. “I don’t want him to get hurt.” I cry. “He’ll be fine. He just needs some air. He’s gonna beat himself up over this.” Ashton said to me trying to make me feel  better. Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? 

After a while Ashton and Olivia went up to her room. I can’t sleep knowing that Cal is out there. I wait in the living room praying that he walks in. 

I’m sitting watching TV when suddenly the door swings open. Calum stands there with tears in his eyes and a bruised face and bloody hands. “Calum? What happened?” I say running to him. I go to grab his face to inspect it but he looks away. “Calum.” I say and he complies. He looks at me and I see the pain. I see the hurt flash in his eyes. With that, I hug him. I hugged him so tightly, afraid he was gonna slip away at any minute. I released after a little but and just ask 

“W-what happened?”

 “Well I found Damon. Roughed him up a little bit. He pulled out a knife but I knocked it out of his hands before he could do anything with it.” He said refusing to look at me. I grabbed his hands and see how bloody they are. “That’s what happens when I fight with rings on.” He says as I nod. “Are you okay?” He asks me. “Are you?” I ask back. “I will be when this stupid match is over.” He replies. “Come on. I’m cleaning you up.” I say to him and drag him to my bathroom. “Lyd you don’t have to-” “Yes I do. Now come on.” I say grabbing his bloody hand. 

I pat the countertop and tell him to sit. “Been a minute since I’ve done this.” I say as he chuckled. I get the cotton pads and disinfectant and bring it out. I start by taking off his rings. I can feel his eyes burning into me as I’m cleaning his hands. I then move on to his face and clean off the dried blood. He watches my every move and suddenly I get self-conscious. I feel like we haven’t been this close in a while. Once I’m finished with that I just look at him. “Are there any more hidden marks?” I ask as he lifts his shirt to reveal a huge gash on his side. I gasp, “Calum I thought you said he didn’t get you with the knife.” “He didn’t. Those were from his rings.” He holds his shirt up so I can clean it, “C-can you take this off? It’s easier.” I ask as he just obeys and flings it over his head.  I clean it up and start to put the stuff away. He stands up and as I turn around I find him right there. “I’m so fucking sorry Lydia. I promised you this wouldn't happen.” “Please don’t blame yourself.” I beg. “This was not your fault.” I say as I finish picking up my stuff. “W-will you sleep with me tonight?” I ask him. “Of course.” he says no questions asked. 

I start to walk out of the bathroom before his hand grabs my arm and he pulls me into him. Our noses are touching and he just looks into my eyes. The next thing I knew his lips were on mine. This kiss was filled with love and passion. It was a feeling we were both longing for. It felt like in this moment, time stopped. 

“I should’ve done that a lot sooner.” Calum says out of breath but he’s still holding on to me. 

“I’m never letting you go again. Not now. Not ever.” He said. 

With that I stand on the tip of my toes and kiss him again. “I’ve missed this so much.” I say. “You have no clue darling.” He replied.

After all of tonight's events, this is when I felt most whole. I loved Calum. With everything in me. I always will. We went to bed and he held me as I fell asleep. I rolled over to face him. He kissed my forehead and I placed my head under his chin. As I’m falling asleep I hear a faint whisper. I barely even caught it, 

“I love you so fucking much.” 

                                                  **********

I wake up right where I want to be. 

With Calum. 

Our legs are entangled together and his strong arms hold me tightly against his chest. This is bliss. I thought I'd never find this feeling ever again. My eyes slowly shutter open to see he’s still sleeping. I kiss the tip of his nose and he just smiles. “Good Morning love.” His raspy morning voice whispers. “Good Morning.” I smile back. “How are you feeling?” I ask him. “Sore but I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me.” He says with worried eyes. “How are you feeling?” He asks, “Honestly terrified to leave my own house. My wrists are sore and those bruises aren’t going anywhere anytime soon but other than that I’m fantastic.” I mutter. He lets out a soft chuckle. “What time is it?” he asks. I roll over and check. “It’s 9:09” “I have to get up soon. Another full day of training.” “Cal, you’re hurt. I don’t want you to wear yourself down before the big day bub.” He smiles at the name, “I know doll but I need to be ready.” He says. “I’m not saying not train at all,  but maybe not the entire day?” I suggest. I know how he used to get when he trained all day and all night. He’d come home stressed and worn down. He has a big fight he needs to be alert for and training on top of all his injuries is going to make it worse. “If you want, I can talk to Ash.” I say. “I got it love. I should probably apologize to him anyway.” He said. “Last night, I was an asshole-” “You were worried. There’s a difference.” He nods and kisses the top of my head. I loved when he did that stuff. A little but sweet gesture. 

Eventually we roll out of bed and motivate. I’m greeted by Olvia and Ashton in the kitchen. Calum is still in the bathroom upstairs. “Did he come here last night?” Ash asks, concern lacing his voice. “Yes he’s upstairs and I’m gonna tell you something and you have to promise me you won’t lash out at him.” “Lydia-” “Promise me Ashton. Please.” I almost beg. He relents and nods. “So he came back around 2am with bruises and blood everywhere. He found Damon and ‘roughed him up a bit’. Apparently Damon pulled out a knife but Cal got rid of it before anything happened. I took care of him and cleaned him up. He had blood all over his hands. Not even 100% sure if it was his. Bruises and cuts on his face and a big gash on his side. I cleaned it. He’s better now but he’s sore. He feels awful. Please don’t freak out on him. It’ll only make it worse.” I finish my speech and he just stands there silently. “Thank you for taking care of him last night.” Is the first thing he says. “Of course. Anytime.” I say sincerely. “Can I ask you something?” He asks me. “Yeah of course.” “Are you two like, back together?” I think about it. “We kissed. That’s it. I don’t know what he’s feeling but whatever he wants to do. I left him so I understand if he doesn’t want to get back together. If he does, that’s great too and I’ll say yes. It’s up to him.” I say. “I asked because he never stops talking about you. I think he wants to get back together but I don’t know if he’ll come out and say it.” I nod and then Calum comes down stairs. He refuses to look anyone in the eye. He slowly walks over next to me at the table and sits. I grab his hand and rub it reassuringly. “I’m so sorry Ash.” Calum weaps as I glare at Ashton. “Hey hey it’s okay. You were worried. I’m not mad.” “Y-you’re not?” Calum says finally looking up. “No bud. It happens. He threatened your girl so you were upset. If that happened to Liv, i’d go apeshit.” Ashton said. 

Your girl. 

His girl. 

Calum looks at me with sympathy in his eyes and grips my hand. “Thank you.” He says to Ashton. Ash just nods. “When are we training today?” Calums frail voice asks. “I have a lot to do today so we’re probably only training a couple hours.” Calums eyes lit up with that one. “Okay” he mutters quickly. I can tell he’s embarrassed over everything that happened in the last 24 hours. “C-can Lydia come?” He asks shyly. “I want to be with her in case Damon tries something again.” He finishes. Ash looks at me for approval and I just nod my head. “Sure Cal.” “Is that okay with you?” Calum asks me. “Yeah bub of course.” I say and nod my head. He smiles back at me. 

After a little while we all get ready to go to the gym. We file into the car and I sit in the back with Calum. He grabs my hand and rubs circles on it with his thumb. The little gestures like that make my heart melt. The car ride is pretty silent. We pull in to the gym and walk in. “Hey I’m gonna go get ready. You can sit over there and watch if you’d like.” He said. “I get to watch you train? Today must be my lucky day.” I say sarcastically. “Oh hush.” He says and starts to walk off. I turn around but suddenly I’m whipped back around and before I know it, his lips are on mine. I feel myself smile into the kiss. “Okay I’m gonna go now.” He says before giving me another quick kiss.

He’s done it again. I’ve fallen in love with him all over again.

He trains and I watch. I love watching him lose himself in the ring. It’s just scary because I don’t want him to get hurt. I know that in a few days, someone is going to walk out of that ring extremely hurt and I just pray it’s not him. 

He finishes up and walks over to me. “Hey love.” He says leaning in for a hug and I stop him, “I will give you the biggest hug after you wipe all of the sweat off of you.” I say chuckling. He laughs and hugs me anyway. “What did I say?” I question, “Oh hush.” I relent and wrap my arms around him. God I missed this. “I’m gonna go clean up and then we can hit the road.” He says as he kisses my cheeks and walks off to the locker room. Olivia walks over to me. “Not together my ass.” “He hasn’t said anything about it. Should I bring it up?” “Well Ashton is taking me out tonight so you two have the house to yourselves.” She says. “I mean that is if he stays with you but I think we both know he will.” She finishes. I think about it for a second. Should I ask him or is it too early?

Soon he comes out and asks if I’m ready. “Hey will you stay over with me for a while? Ash is taking out Liv and I don’t want to be alone.” I ask. “I already planned on it love.” I smile at him endearingly. He drives to my house and the car is just filled with small talk. No awkwardness. No tension. 

We arrive at my house and drop our stuff in the living. “I don’t know about you but I’m starving.” I say to him. “I could eat.” He chuckles. We go into the kitchen and I open the pantry. “All I have to make is pasta. I hope that’s okay.” I say to him. “That’s perfect doll. I’m gonna go freshen up. I’ll be right back.” He says as he marches upstairs and I start to make the food. 

After a little while, I realize he’s taking a bit. “Cal?” I call for him but no response.That’s odd. I thought he was just freshening up. I walk up stairs and go to the bathroom. “Cal? Are you okay?” I ask as I knock. “Y-yeah I’m fine.” He stutters. “Can I come in?” I ask carefully. I hear the door unlock and I take that as the okay to walk in. I walk in to see his tear stained face. “Cal. Baby what’s wrong?” I ask grabbing his cheeks. “I-I’m terrified Lydia. I so scared he’s gonna hurt you or I’m not gonna come out of that ring.” He says through tears. “Hey hey look at me.” I say. “I’m gonna be okay-” “I couldn’t even protect you from him the other day.” “How were you supposed to know that would happen? You can’t. I didn’t expect it. As far as you, you’re gonna go in that ring and you’re gonna knock his ass down and show him not to mess with Calum Hood. You have so many people in your corner Cal. You have Luke, Mike, Liv, Ash. You have me. I’ll be there every step of the way if you let me.” I finish as I lead him to my room to sit on my bed. I grab a tissue and wipe his face. 

God I regret leaving him. It was truly the worst decision I have ever made. I’ll never stop loving him. I never have and I never will. “What’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours?” he asks finally calming down. 

“How the worst choice I ever made, in my entire life, was leaving you.” 

“Lyd-” 

“No let me finish. I will kick myself for leaving you for the rest of my life. You were the best thing I had going for me. I went to college, hoping to escape but I was miserable without you. I didn’t come back to win you back. I didn’t even want to go to the match that night because it wasn’t fair to you. If I had just fucking sucked it up and watched you box and supported you with it, I wouldn’t have lost you.” I pause. “I’m so fucking stupid for letting you go and I will never forgive myself for it.” 

Silence fills the room. 

“Okay now you’re gonna let me speak. You left because you thought you were doing the right thing and I can’t blame you for that. I know it was hard for you to watch me get my ass beat by men twice my size every night. I know that I wasn’t the only one in pain when you sat me down on the counter to fix my wounds twice a week. You leaving, felt worse than any other punch I would receive, but I was never resentful. When you came back, I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing out bad thing. Now I know, it was the best thing to ever happen to me.”

I look up with tears threatening to spill from my eyes. 

“What you did fucked me up. It took a minute to heal but it gave me the motivation to become stronger. I’m able to beat people like Damon. This fight on Friday, is going to be the hardest fight I’ve ever faced. Not just because of who I’m fighting. It’s who I’m fighting for.” he paused. “I’m finally learning to fight for what I love.” 

Love. There's that word again. 

“I love you so much Lydia. I never stopped.”  

He loves me. Calum loves me. 

I had no words. The only thing that came to mind for me was to grab his face and kiss him. This kiss was different than the last. This one was full of love and passion. “I love you so much Calum. I always will.” I say and then reconnect our lips. “I’m never letting you go ever again. Never fucking again.” Calum said through kisses. We break away and just look at each other, I take in his beauty. 

“I love you but I need to make sure the house isn't on fire from the pasta.” I mutter. “Oh shit I forgot about the pasta.” He chuckles. We get off my bed and run down stairs and see the house is still standing and the pasta isn’t burnt. As I was stirring, I felt Calums strong arms wrap around my waist. This is the shit I live for. He nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck and I just giggle. He’s the only person that can give me butterflies. He releases and presses a quick kiss to my cheek. I finish the pasta and get it ready for him. We sit down and eat and he fills me in of all I’ve missed while I was gone. I ask about his family. They don’t really speak to him because they don’t agree with the boxing. Their loss. 

Eventually, Olivia and Ashton come home to see us cuddling on the couch. “How was your date?” I ask nonchalantly. “It was good… What did I miss here?” Ashton asks looking at us questioningly. “Well, we made pasta.” I say and then turn to Calum. “That’s all you did?” Liv asks heading for the stairs. “I mean, we also confessed our love for each other.” Calum adds like it’s nothing and then kisses the top of my head. “Huh figured.” Ashton says. “Cal do you want to stay here or go back to the apartment?” Ashton asks. Calum just looks at me and I nod to him. He knows what I’m implying. “I don’t want to leave her.” He says. “Liv looks like we’re staying here.” He yells to live. “Okay babe.” She yells back. 

Tonight a new love was formed out of an old one. Calum and I never stopped loving each other and we probably never will. He was my first real love. Sure, there have been others but they weren’t him. He makes me feel like I’m the only girl alive. He makes me feel things I thought I’d never feel. He makes me feel like I belong. After a little while, we headed back up to my room and get comfy in bed.

“Hey Lydia?” “Yeah babe?” 

“Whatever happens at this fight on friday, just know how much I love you. It’s gonna get ugly but I just need you to know you are my entire world. Okay? I love you Lydia. More than anything. I just got you back and I don’t plan on losing you anytime soon.” He says to me. With that I kiss him passionately. “Calum I love you so much.” We hold each other like we’re too afraid to let go all night.

                                             **********

It was Wednesday. The fight is on Friday. Two days. I was starting to get nervous for him. I roll over to see he wasn’t there. Where is he? I check my phone and it’s 8:00am. After a little bit he comes in. “Good morning love! Did I wake you?” “No bub I just woke up.” He nods and crawls back into bed with me. “Why is that I sleep so much better with you by my side? No tossing and turning. No nightmares.” He chuckles. “I guess you’re just what I needed.” I mumble. He kisses the tip of my nose and cradles my body against him. “I take it you’re training all day.” I said to him. “Yup. Ash already texted me and told me we had catching up to do. I can come back over when it’s done.” “mmmm sounds good.” I mumble to him. “How are you feeling about Friday?” I asked hesitantly. “Honestly terrified. I just want it over with.” He says to me. I’ve never seen him so worked up about a fight.  “Soon enough babe.”I just want it to be over with for him. We spent another half hour just cuddling and talking about various topics. 

Eventually that was all over and he had to go training. I stayed at the apartment and cleaned up. After a while my phone started buzzing like crazy. Liv was calling.

“Hello?” 

“Lydia I have a problem.” 

“What kind of problem?” I ask wearily.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

The wind was knocked out of my lungs. 

“O-okay. Come to the apartment.” I say as she mutters a quick goodbye.

Soon she bursts through the door with a tear stained face. 

“Lydia what do I do? I’ve missed my period. I’m nauseous all the time.” She says through tears. “Hey hey calm down first and foremost. Have you taken a test?” she shakes her head. “Okay let's start there. Let’s go get-” I start to say as she pulls three out of her bag. “I didn’t want to do it alone.” She mutters. “Go take them and come back out.” She goes to take them as I finish up cleaning. 

She marches back out and sits on the couch. “Now we wait.” She says worriedly. “Listen. You were meant to be a mom. If they are positive, you have me and you’ll have Ash.” “I can’t do this to him. We’re young. His job is too dangerous for a kid-” “And he will figure it out. If I know one thing, he loves you more than life. He won’t run from you.” I reassure her. 

Enough time passes and we decide it’s time. “Do you want me to look?” I ask and she nods. I walk into the bathroom and prepare myself. 

Test 1: Positive

Okay thats just one. 

Test 2: Positive.  

Oh no.

Test 3: Positive. 

I was silent. Fuck. She’s gonna be a mom. I’m gonna be an aunt. Holy shit. 

“Well?” She asks. 

“Positive. All positive.” I say.

Her face fell. “What am I gonna do?” She asks. “You’re gonna do this the right way. Call him right now and tell him you need to talk and it’s important and have him and Cal come over after training.” She nods and calls him in the other room.

I’m excited and scared for her. She’s right. His job is dangerous. This weeks events are only a fraction of what can be involved. 

“He said okay. He sounds worried.” Liv says. 

My phone buzzed. 

Calum

Is everything okay?

“He must be because Cal just texted me.” 

Lydia

For me? Yes. For liv? Not so much. You’ll see when you come over. 

Liv and I spent the next hour talking about how she should break the news. The door swung open to reveal Ashtons worried face. Liv stands up. 

“We need to talk.” She starts with. 

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asks. 

“No baby of course not.” She reassured. During this, Calum came over to greet me with a kiss. “What’s happening?” He asks. “Watch.” 

“Then what’s the matter?” Ashton asks as he grabs her hand to sit down. Calum sits on the recliner and motions for me to sit on his lap. I oblige and he holds me tightly. 

“Before I say anything just know I love you okay?” 

“You’re scaring me liv-”

“I’m pregnant.” She rips off the bandaid. Ashton and Calum's jaw dropped open. 

“H-how is that possible?” He asks. “We’re always careful.” He says. I try to find an expression but the only thing I see is fear. 

“Accidents happen Ash.” I step in. “How long have you known?” He asks. “I missed my period two days ago. I took the tests an hour ago.” She said calmly. 

“Thank you for telling me right away.” He starts. “We’ll figure this out love. I’m not leaving you if that’s why you’re worried.” He says. Both me and Liv let out a breath as he said that. 

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He finishes with as he hugs and kisses her.

“I see why that was so urgent.” Calum mutters. “You think?” I chuckle. 

As I stand I say, “I don’t know about you but I’m hungry and she’s feeding two so what are y’all in the mood for?” 

“I could go for chinese.” Liv suggests. “Sounds good. Cal do you want to come with me to get it?” I ask. “Sure babe. Let me grab my stuff.” I wait for him and we walk to the car.

“How was training?” I ask him. “Long and rough. I’m sore but I’m getting more prepared.” He says. “I think I can really beat him Lydia.” “I know you can. You did once, you can do it again. I believe in you.”  The drive there was filled with small talk. We got to the restaurant and Cal ran in to pick it up. He came back out and started to drive back,

“Hey I was thinking about something.” He starts and I look at him. “I think that after this fight I’m gonna slow down a bit.” I ponder. “Please don’t do it because of me.” I say to him. “I mean it’s not completely about you. I’m sick of hurting everywhere and dedicating every second of my life to training. I’m tired of putting the people I love in danger.” He pauses, “And now that Liv is expecting, I think I should settle down.” He wasn’t wrong but It feels odd.

 “But Calum think of how you feel when you win a match. Think of how you feel knowing you won again. Knowing that bets people placed were wrong.”

“I thought you hated that I fought. Why are you trying to convince me to keep doing it?” He asks. “Because I know you. I know you’ll be upset if you stop.” “Yeah I will but I’ll get over it.” “That’s not the point Cal.” 

“Then what is?” He yells. 

“Why are you so mad?” I ask. 

“I thought you’d want me to quit. I mean that’s all you wanted right?” He asks testing me. 

“Where the fuck is this coming from?” I ask angrily. 

“Do you even love me?” He asks. 

“What- Of course I do.”

“Are you sure about that Lydia? Or do you plan on running again?” He says and I went silent. 

He really pulled that card. 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now Calum?” His jaw clenches. “What? It happened before. Who’s to say it won’t happen again?” He spat at me.

We finally pulled in the driveway. “You know you’re a real fucking dick. Maybe I’m regretting getting back together. Clearly your intentions are all over the place.” I say as I march into the house without even listening to his response. “I’m gonna eat in my room.” I told Liv and Ash. As I take my food and go to my room. 

I thought it would be different. That we could have a clean slate. I guess I was wrong. I ate my food, cried, and went to sleep for the night. 

                                               ************

Of course it was back to the nightmares. I decided to clear my head so I went down to the kitchen to get water. I walk downstairs to see Calum on the couch. He’s awake. I try my best to ignore him. 

“Can we talk?” He asks. “Uhh nah. I’m apparently too busy running.” I spat back without looking him in the eye. “I’m being serious.” He says. “So am I.” 

It was silent for a minute. “Nightmares?” He asks and I just nod. “Thought you would’ve left.” I say to him. “Ashton and Liv went back to his place to talk about options. I’d never leave you alone.” He said. I rolled my eyes and got some water. He just stares at me. “What Cal? Don’t you think you’ve dug at me enough tonight?” I say to him refusing to look him in the eye. What he said hurt. Bad. “I’m not trying to argue with you Lydia.” He started, “I’m just scared.” 

“I’m not gonna leave you again Cal. I thought I made that clear.” I said, my face softening. “I know.” He said quickly. “I’m just insecure and clingy. I need constant reassurance and I-” I stop him. “Calum look at me.” He does and I grab the sides of his face. “The biggest mistake I ever made was leaving you. If you talked to my sister you know what shape I was in. I love you. More than life.” “I’m sorry I was a dick.” He says. I chuckle. “It’s okay.” And with that he kissed me. “I love you.” He says in between kisses. The kisses get deeper each time. He’s making a mess of my hair with his rough hands. He backs me up into the counter and I jump to sit on it. He pulls away for a second and smiles. “I love you.” He whispers before kissing me again. 

He grabs the bottom of my legs and carries me up to my room, refusing to break the kiss. Next thing I know he sets me on the bed and he’s over me. “We don’t have to go farther if you don’t want to.” He broke the kiss with. I kissed him back in response. “I want this.” I kissed him again. “I want you.” I said as he smiled back in response. “God I’ve missed you.” He said as he threw his shirt off. I took that moment to discard of my shirt. “I love you Calum.” I said as he kissed me. “I love you more.” 

And that night we proved just how much we loved each other. We’ve had sex before yes but never like that. This time, it was filled with passion and love. I missed him. I’m never letting someone like him slip through my fingers again.

                                              *************

One day until the dreaded fight. I woke up with a pit in my stomach. Cal was gonna be training all day. I woke up before him and just watched him sleep intently. I know this was hard on him. He would never show it but I know he’s so stressed. This fight could be what ends his career. I’m brought out of my thoughts by his raspy voice. “Are you staring?” He says. “I’m gazing.” I reply. “You’re pretty.” I finish. “Says you.” He replies with a blush. “Good morning love.” He says as he kissed me. “How’d you sleep?” I ask. “Decently actually. How about you?” “Better. No nightmares.” “Are they always the same?” He asks curiously. “Lately yes but usually they vary.” I answer honestly. Ever since I went to college, I had nightmares almost every night. My sleep schedule was fucked because of it. I wouldn’t sleep for more than 3 hours a night. When I came home, it got better but they never went away until I started sleeping next to Calum again.

“How are you feeling?” I ask and I think he knows what I’m implying. He just shrugs, “ I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to fight a man who wants me dead.” he starts, “But I’m as ready as I can be. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in, I’ve got the best support system and I’m prepared. Ashton has been trying to teach me tricks and I’ve done practice fights with Luke and Mike.” He said. I nod to him.

“Do you want me there tomorrow?” I ask only because it’s appropriate. Yes I’m his girlfriend and I want to support him but the fight is going to be brutal. “I’ve been thinking about that too.” He said honestly. “It’s up to you. I’d love to see you there but if you’re not comfortable being there, ‘M not gonna force you.” He replied. I thought about it for a second. How can I not be there? This is the biggest fight of his career. “I’ll be there.” I said. “Are you sure? I don’t want to-” He starts but I cut him off with my finger. “I’ll be there.” I said into his eyes. “Okay.” He replies. We lay and cuddle for a little while until it was interrupted by his phone ringing. “It’s Ash.” He says confused. “What time is it?” I ponder. “Only 9. I don’t have to be to the gym until 11.” He says back.

“Yo what’s up?” He asks.

“Cal we’ve got an issue.” Ash says and my ear perks up. Cal sits and just said “Why what’s wrong?”

“Damon just stormed into the gym and spoke to Luke. He’s moving the fight.”

“What? To when?”

“Tonight.”

My eyes widen as Calum just stays silent. “I’ll be to the gym in a few.” and with that he hung up the phone. I didn’t know what to do or say. He gets up and I let him. He walks to the door and turns around for a second, “I’m taking this fucker down tonight.” and walks out.

******

This day went by faster than I’d like to admit. Calum went to the gym to get ready. Liv came home and got ready. Before we knew it, Liv was driving us to the underground arena. I felt sick. I was silent. She could tell how nervous I was. “Hey.” She brought me out of my thoughts with. “He’ll be okay. He’s strong.” She said to me and I just nodded.

We arrived to the arena and went in. The air was thick. The tension was thick. Liv brought us to the back was the boys were. “Where’s Cal?” I ask them and he just point to the corner where I see him throwing punches to the punching bag. I excuse myself and walk over there. “Hey” I say to him. He sees me and offers me a smile. I go over to him and hug him. It’s the only thing that felt right. In that moment time stopped. Soon we pull away and he holds my cheeks with his wrapped hands. “Look at me love.” He starts. “Whatever happens in that ring, just know that I love you. It’s not gonna be pretty. I’m probably gonna walk out with something broken but I refuse to let him leave standing. After what he did to you, he’s not coming out on top.” I just nod at him. “I love you Calum.” I whisper to him as tears threaten to spill from my eyes. This is all too familiar. This fear in my stomach, felt known. With that, he gives me the biggest kiss and engulfs me in his arms. “Hey Cal?” Mike interrupts. “It’s time.” He says. He pulls away, “I love you Lydia. More than anything. I’ll come back to you.” He started, “I promise.” I nod and let him walk off. I’m holding him to that.

He will come back to me.

The announcer starts his speech and introduces the fighters. I stand over by Liv and Ashton. I hear the bell and it signified the start of the fight. Right now, they’re walking in circles but Damon is taunting him. I can hear him.

“......Gotta say Hood, your taste in women is impeccable.” Damon says.

Is he bringing me up in this fight?

“I wonder how she’d look with her lips around my-”

And that’s when Calum threw the first punch, knocking Damon down in an instant. Calum crouches down to his level and whispers something I can barely make out, “That’s the last time you speak about my girl ever again if you want to make it out of here alive.” Damon just snickers and tries to stand up. Calum holds his elbow to his throat and holds him down. The ref counts and Calum won the first round. Two more to go.

“You think you can get away with that Hood?” Damon says lunging toward Calum grabbing him and spinning him around in a choke hold. I wince as his face goes red. Liv notices and grabs onto my hand. Calum brought his foot up and kicked him in dick, setting him out of Damons grasp. It isn’t long before Damon lurches as him again punching him down. Calums down, clutching his head in pain. “Try me.” Damon says as they announce Damon won that round.

Calum gets up and I can tell he’s dizzy. He keeps stumbling around the ring. Damon lunges at him and flips Calum to the ground, “God I love seeing you lose.” Damon says in Calums face and then something flipped in Calums head. He quickly got up and switched positions, so now Damon was on the ground. “I don’t lose.” Calum said through bloody teeth. Calum punched him like his life depended on it. With that, Damon stayed down. Blood was everywhere. Damons, Calums. “Certainly not after you go after my fucking family. Remember me in hell.” Calum says after he sent Damon one last punch, knocking him unconscious.

The ref announced Calum as the winner.

Calum won against Damon Banks. He won. He’s alive. They escort him out of the ring and the first thing he does is run over to me and engulfs me in the biggest hug. I don’t care how sweaty he is. In this moment the only thing that mattered was that he was okay. “I knew you could do it.” I said as I grabbed his face. We release as he smiles. Ashton comes over and greets him with a towel and a hug. “That’s what I’m talking about man!” Ashton says, happiness clear on his face. Luke and Mike come over and hug him and say how proud they are. Calum walks over to the bench but stumbles. “Are you okay Cal?” Ashton asks. Calum just shakes his head and holds his head in his hands. “Hey hey what’s wrong?” I ask and sit next to him. “M-my head.” He says quickly. “Get him to the hospital.” I say to Ashton and he hesitates. “Ashton he said it’s his head. Something could be seriously wrong.” I say through gritted teeth. Calum keeps groaning in pain. “Lydia you don’t understand. We could all get in trouble-” “Do you fucking hear yourself right now? Calum is hurt.” I yell frustrated. Calum could be seriously hurt and he doesn’t seem to care. “This has happened before. He’ll be fine-” It wasn’t until Calums head fell into my lap that Ashton realized it’s serious.

“Calum?” I say gripping his head. His eyes are closing. “Calum no stay with me!” I yell as his eyes flutter close. Ashton rushes to him. “Calum bud. Come on.” Nothing. No response. “Get him to the hospital now!” I yell. Ashton picks him up and rushes him to the car. I’m behind him but I stop as I see Damon outside the door. “Bring him to the hospital. I’ll grab his stuff and meet you there with Liv.” I shakily say to Ash. He just nods and obeys. I kiss Calums head and whisper, “You are not done yet.”

“Like I said.” I hear a voice say behind me, “I don’t lose.” Damon says.

“Your broken nose and concussion says otherwise.” I spat back as I go to retrieve Calums belongings. “Really? I’m not the one being rushed to the hospital.” “You know what Damon?” I start, “You come here, throw a temper tantrum because you lost the first time, lose a second time and still claim you’re a winner.” I pause and step closer. “But I don’t see a single soul here cheering you on. You tried to beat Calum by talking about me in the ring. Me, his girlfriend, who is there cheering him on. Along with his best friends. Who do you have, huh?” I pause and he just stares at me. “Yeah what I thought. You lost not once, but twice, to Calum. So who’s the real winner?” I spat and walk away. “You shouldn’t have said that.” He yells. “You’re not gonna do shit.” I say to him, calling his bluff. “How are you so confident that I won’t?” He asks. “Because you know there are people that would care if I lived or died. The difference is I or anyone for that matter, could kill you right now, and no one would care. If you call that winning, then congratulations. You fucking won Damon Banks.” I say as I go inside, get Calums stuff and get my sister. We walk out to see Damon gone and we drive to the hospital.

We arrive as I run in. I see Ashton in the waiting room with his head in his lap. “Anything?” He shakes his head as a nurse comes walking in. “Family of Calum Hood?” She calls out. “Yes that’s us.” “Are you immediate family?” She asks. “We’re all he has.” Ashton says. She just nods and tells us what happened. “Calum has something called Craniocerebral Trauma. It’s a very serious head injury that’s a result from a big blow to the head. Do you know what happened?”

Ashton looks to me for the answer. “He was jumped.” I answer quickly. Ash just nods agreeing with me. I technically wasn’t wrong. The nurse hums in response, “They must’ve really went for his head.” I just nod and look for the ground. “W-will he be okay?” I ask. “He’s stable right now. When he wakes up, there's a list of pills he needs to take. As long as he does, he’ll be just fine. It’s in his hands now.” He’s gonna be okay. “Can we see him?” Ashton asks. “Two at a time.” The nurse says. I gesture to Luke and Michael who just arrived. “You guys wanna go see Cal?” I ask and they nod and follow the nurse. As they walk away, Ashton just hugs me as I cry into his shoulder. “He’s gonna be okay Lyd. It’s okay.” He whispers to me. I stay in his embrace for a minute. I release and sit down. I can’t stop jittering and shaking.

Luke and Michael walked out and Ashton and Liv went in. Luke and Mike came and sat with me. “He looks a lot better than he did at the arena.” Luke expresses. “The doctor said he should wake up at any time now.” Mike said. “Yeah well I’m not leaving until he does.” I mutter. After another hour it’s my turn. I decide to go in alone.

I walk in to see his sleeping body laying on the bed. He’s hooked up to so many wires and chords. I sat down in the chair next to the bed and just stare at him. He looks peaceful. After the week he’s had, he needs this rest. “I never thought I’d be in this situation with you.” I chuckle. “I’ve cleaned up your wounds but I’ve never sat with you in the hospital. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming.” I say as I pause and grab his hand. “You know, you’ll be proud of me. I bascially told Damon to fuck off.” I laugh. “God I wish you were awake. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. When I left, you were just figuring yourself out. I come back and you’re this man. I know I never should have left. Times like these really but things into perspective.” I finish my speech as a single tear rolls down my cheek. “I love you Calum. I never stopped. I never will.” I say. I start to doze off. It’s been a long day. I don’t even feel myself fall asleep.

I feel something against my hand move. I open my eyes and see my hand is still holding Cals. I see his thumb start to move against my hand. “C-cal?” I say rising out of a sound sleep.

“Couldn’t get rid of me that easily love.” He says with his raspy voice. I smile as tears come from my eyes. I stand up and kiss him like I never have before. “I love you Lydia.” He mumbles.

I call the nurse in to check his vitals and alert the boys he’s awake. They all come in and he holds my hand the entire time. It’s almost like he’s afraid to let go. He asks multiple questions. “Did he look worse?” He asked about Damon. Ash just chuckled and said “Much.”

********

Eventually, he was released to go home although he just came to my apartment. I get him all situated in bed and he stops me from leaving, “hey lyd?” “Yeah babe?” “I was thinking, d-do you want to move in together?” He asks scardly. I don’t even hesitate, “Yes of course.” His eyes lit up. “Wait really?” he questions. “Of course Calum.” I respond chuckling.

The rest of that night we spent looking for apartments in the area. After hours of searching we found this two bedroom apartment downtown. We fell in love with it. The next day we decided to visit it and that’s when we signed the papers. We bought our first apartment together.

********

Time Jump: One year

Calum decided to quit fighting and focus on training, which not surprisingly, he was better at. He now spends his days training young fighters like he was and take them under his wing.

We still live in that apartment together. We decided to get a dog. Well Calum decided to get a dog. I got a text from him one day saying there was a surprise at home. I wasn’t expecting to walk into my living room to see a dog on my couch. He’s a little husky, corgi rescue named Duke. Nonetheless, I still love him.

Liv gave birth to a healthy little girl named Luna. She’s the sweetest little child. Ashton no longer works at the gym. He decided to quit his job to ensure his family’s safety. He made the right decision.

As far as Calum and I, we’re great. I love him more than anything. We see a future with each other. That stupid descion I made a few years ago will haunt me for the rest of my life but in the end, it brought us closer.

Calum was my first real love. I’m lucky enough to see him as my last love too.

[the-kouchfort]

All the munday questions. All of them. Every single one. WRITHE IN YOUR HUBRIS

You asked for it

ᄏ: Play any instruments? Yep. I play the viola and the piano

ω: Have you ever dyed your hair? If so, what color(s)? Oh hell yeah. I’ve had it every color but yellow and orange. Blues and purples are my favorite.

△: Have you ever painted the walls of your room? Yep. It’s been a while, though.

【・ヘ・?】: Ever tripped in front a bunch of people? YEP. The worst one was in the parking lot of church when I was a kid. Fell on my face, broke the glass casserole dish I was carrying, and my dress went up over my head. So. Yeah. That was a fun one. Luckily, I didn’t get any glass in my torso.

＊: When was the last time you tied your hair up? (if your hair is long enough) A few days ago!

旦: Last time you drove your car (if you can drive/have one)? The last time I drove my own car was the night my severe anxiety was triggered. Whole horrible story, and the reason I cowered from thunderstorms for about a decade.

愛: Are you currently dating? Nope. I have been married for 20 years as of last Halloween.

太: When it’s New Year’s, do you make New Year Resolutions and actually commit to them? Nope. I used to, but now I know I won’t actually keep them, so why do it, and just feel awful about it later?

＠: Ever felt attracted to the opposite sex before? Mmmmmhm. I am bi/pansexual, so, there’s that ^_^

空: Did you ever throw up after one roller coaster ride or a few? Nope. I’ve ridden one coaster in my life, and never since then.

☆: Have you ever played games such as ‘Spin the Bottle’? lol, yep. Loooooong time ago.

⊙: Are you happy with where you are in life right now? .... this is a loaded question. I don’t have the inclination to unpack all of it right now, but lets just say... yes, and no. ピ: Did you like Pokemon as a child? When I was a child, it was the 70′s and 80′s, so... no ♪: Do you find yourself singing or humming to yourself sometimes? Allll the time.If I’m not humming randomly, or singing an actual song, then I’m singing random notes that sound good together with nonsensical sounds.

☁: Ever wanted to learn a foreign language? In 2nd and 3rd grade I learned both french and german (though I remember almost nothing of them.), and all through jr. high I learned Spanish and was fluent in it up to that sort of level, but I remember almost none of it, as well, through lack of anyone to practice with.

ス: Have you ever swallowed gum? Yup.

⅚: Post the link if your current favorite song. Omfg, this is a hard one. Music is the underlying fabric of my life. Sure, that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Maybe this one, as it’s something that’s so fucking hard for me to remember, and I need the reminder every day:

ღ: Post a gif of what you’re currently feeling right now.

≘: Have you ever watched the sun rise? One of my favorite things to do was to go camping in the winter. One of my favorite things to do while out there in the middle of nowhere was to wake up early, and watch the stars fade, the sun rise, all while sipping a nice cup of coffee, and wrapped in a blanket in front of my fire. Ahhh, yes, good memories.

☄: Would you defend a friend if they were in danger? Always. Without thought to my own safety. It’s just part of who I am. ➍: Ever been to a concert? Was it fun? Yes, and yes.

♛: Do you like group projects? Deeeepends on what it is. If it’s a creative thing, then I’d prefer to work alone. Everyone has their own vision, their own creative style. I’ve seen group creaative projects go so wrong because everyone wants their vision, and they end up ignoring others’ input.

高: How often do you use headphones/earbuds? Every day. My hearing is way too keen to be able to deal with life without them. The Spouse likes to say I can hear a mouse fart a mile away. 

ಲ: Headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones kick off my chronic pain, and I do everything I can to avoid that pain.

♞: Showers or baths? SHOWERS. BATHS ARE GROSS. IT’S JUST YOU SWIMMING IN YOUR OWN DEAD SKIN, BODILY OILS, AND CROTCH AND BUTT STUFF. GOOD GOD NO.

✗: Walks on the beach or in a forest? Both? But if I had to pick, I’d choose a forest. Too many people at a beach now-a-days.

⊙﹏⊙: Which horror movie scared you the most? If any? The original IT when I was a kid, but only because of a very specific prank pulled by my best friend’s brother that had me screaming, and running. They found me a mile away, standing in the middle of the road (it was 1am), just staring at nothing, and swaying side to side. Clowns, after that, have been a terror for me.

^∇^: Has your best friend ever made you angry? Of course. We’re human. Also, everyone pisses me off at one point or another. However, she’s one of the two people who has pissed me off least often in the entire world.

(   ．＿．）: Do you think you are an awkward person? Depends on the circumstance. I’m more panic-ridden, and terrified than awkward.

メ: Cupcakes or muffins? Hm. Idk. They both have their plus sides. If there’s milk, then muffins. If not, then cupcakes.

♯: Would you like to be able to fly? YES. I’ve had dreams of flying since I was a kid. About as often as I’ve had dreams of swimming to the bottom of the deepest parts of the ocean. Half of the time it was just something I did in grocery stores, for some reason. That is, until I started thinking about it too much, and lost the ability, and smashed into the floor face first. Sadly, it always happens.

ℝ: What color shirt are you currently wearing? Black, as usual. Æ: What color underwear did you wear yesterday? Parti-colored. Purple, blue, black, pink.

☪: Have you ever flipped off someone? Ohhh yeah.

♬: Cats or dogs? Uhhh... both? Almost all animals! I’d have just about anything for a pet, from spiders and snakes, to rats, to cats, ferrets, dogs, horses... yes. Lots. 礼: Would you swim in the lake or ocean? Yes. の: Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate, every time.

◐: Have you ever seen a meteor shower? Yes, and they’re always amazing. ᄇ: Have you ever broken a bone? Broke both of my wrists at the same time while helping my aunt to get her horse trained for a dressage competition.

ℨ: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? I... have no idea. I can’t pin it down to one thing. If I have to pick, then I’ll go nuts, and say to the edge of the universe to see what’s there.

♔: Know the Duck Song? The Llama Song? Banana Phone?  Yes, and fuck you. ۞: What shows did you watch when you were a child? Punky Brewster, Silver Spoon, things like that. ▼: Could you live without the internet? I mean... yeah, sure, but I would go fucking crazy locked in this apartment with no outlet, and no contact with people. Д: Strangest food you’ve eaten? Chicken feet? Menudo (tripe)? Shark? I’ve tortured myself by trying durian, something I will NEVER do again. *insert vomiting gif here*, gator? Buffalo? *shrug* Depends on what you consider weird? 까: Cookies or brownies? Brownies if they’re well-cooked and gooey, Cookies if they are similarly soft in the middle, and a bit crisp on the outside.

came back to the computer to actually post this. has been sitting here for a few hours now. lol. now back to bed for my appointment in the morning. boo mornings.

[matt-skc-rp]

I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me and You)|| Swiftimer AprilAU

Matt and Suzy couldn’t really find time on their schedules to go out anymore, between their schedules and their own personal things popping up, so they found the perfect thing to get them together doing something they both enjoy, video-making and giving to those who can’t. The Gamma house had a few charity streams set up for the holiday season and Suzy said she can get him in one of them that she was doing with the Grumps, where she’d be off camera as well as on camera. They mostly needed someone to toggle the viewer’s screen.

Matt came over and Suzy met him at the door, they excitedly embraced and walked over to where the stream was going to be held. “You eat lunch yet?” Suzy asked, while she grabs the food she was eating, “We got some Chinese food over there you can heat up.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll get to it in a second. You have a uhh...like a wrap sheet of what kind of cuts I’m going to be making and how to transition into the different screens and minimizations. I know StreamLabs is gonna kind be on top of all of the donations and stuff,” he said.

“Wow, you’re really straight to the point about the work..but you’re volunteering,” Suzy pointed out with a giggle.

“Well once I know what I’m doing, then I can relax and have a little fun...But uhhm..I see you’re not looking like the Queen of Darkness much today,” Matt said with a nervous giggle. 

“It’s not like that’s all I do, or all I’m about it. I actually do a lot of my activities wearing a bunch of Game Grumps merch,” Suzy explained while Matt poked through the Game Grumps Twitch channel and its setup in OBS. 

“Well I figured as much, I do follow your social media, I just thought that you’d be a tad more done up for the stream,” he clarified, “I think your loungewear is what you look cutest in, you definitely are sexy when you’re modelling clothes or you’re dressed up.”

Suzy giggled shyly at his compliment and tucked her hair behind her ear, “Well thank you for recognizing I’m still a lazy girl gamer like everyone else in Gamma.”

“Aaaannd done! So, when’s the stream starting?” Matt asked, looking at the girl leaning on the table and gave her a warm smile.

“Uhhmm..tomorrow?..At 3 in the afternoon?” she replied, shrugging slowly.

“I’m actually not mad you did this..It means I’m much more prepared for this and can catch if something goes wrong..Thanks Suze,” he said, chuckling and standing up, “Was this your idea?”

“Yeah, the other guys are so busy with getting the rest of their finals and videos done that they forgot they needed to get a volunteer live editor for the stream since they’re gonna be completely hands-free on camera. Even their editor is gonna be in front of the camera or working props and other staging,” Suzy explained, grabbing her drink and sipping it, “Well, since you’re here, what do you wanna do?”

“I’ll be generous and ask what do you want us to do, because I blocked out literally all day today and tomorrow for this. I can stay here, we can go to my place and watch movies,” Matt suggested.

“Awwhh, but it’s still so cold!..Why don’t we stay here and play some arcade games?” 

“What games do you guys have?” he asked, turning to her.

“Uhhm...we can just go check,” Suzy said, dancing around the chair slowly moving toward the hall where they held their systems and coffins. Matt followed, smirking at her and walked normally. She opened the door to a colourful and loud room, full of classic cases of games and some new ones they obviously brought in for fun, and tables of pool, foosball, and air hockey all aligned in a slightly dim room. Suzy gets the rush of air that is only distinctive of walking into an arcade and thinking about what is your first move after getting your cup of tokens. “Yeah whatever’s in here is what we can use..Did you wanna get beat in something?” she teased, nudging his side.

Matt was still surprised that this is what Gamma does for its students, and he’s been stuck playing off his consoles in his room. “It surprises me that any of you study with this just down here,” he scoffed.

“It gets locked during class times during the semester and at like 1am too, but since we’re in the middle of winter break, it’s open 24/7!” Suzy explained, propping herself onto one of the unused pool tables. She watched Matt take a tour, and she noticed that he was...different. He wasn’t hanging on her or trying to be as intimate as possible, not even in his questions and answers! It’s almost as if he’d welcomed whatever looming loneliness and let the ideas of being close to anyone repulse him. It was comforting, in a way, but it tugged at her mind that it’s not like they hadn’t started their chemistry, so why the distance with her?

“That’s good to know, but then you guys just go into your rooms..Whatever, we have something similar in Theta with the editing and shooting booths. We perfectionists tend to lose track of the time, so they lock the isolated editing and shooting rooms when we need to study, but it’s not like..we can’t just ask the president and vice, because the actual school security monitors that. And they only do that because our president has a horrible habit of putting work and results above all else,” Matt explained as he hovered at the air hockey table, “Let’s start here.”

Matt sets up the game and they wait for the puck, a gust of air blowing in Suzy’s face from the rink. It lands on Matt’s side and he starts the volley, “How have your classes been, Suze?”

Suzy defends herself well, and they get a hot volley going, “I really liked the anthology classes and courses in the dead and dying...what say you?”

“Taking a bunch of production and set detail courses, I’ve also started taking management and busniess courses just in case i don’t work out as an artist of some sort. Gonna start my business- Ah!” Matt exclaimed and as he saved his goal, darting it into Suzy’s. She nodded, retrieving the puck and serving hard and fast until the volley ended with a point from her.

They both looked at each other, then he dropped the puck and served her nicely. Again?! What’s his deal?

“Uhhm...well I mean ” she asked almost forgetting they were playing a game, “The whole taxidermy and bugs thing is gonna be like, my marketable skill, I also like to model sometimes. You know, I do all of that when I’m not working on my own gaming channel. I wanna start getting into jewelry-making..”

“Oh that’s dope! I love that you don’t settle for less!” he said, grunting as he was competing, then Suzy sliding a point past him, “You definitely are not afraid to get your hands dirty...I think that’s so great!”

Ping ping Ding Ding Suzy let the puck hit the wall and then slide in. She really wasn’t used to being praised like this. It was so refreshing in some way knowing that he was still willing to just talk to her. Even if she doesn’t really say what she really feels or thinks. “Haha..I was letting you catch up!” she blurted out as she bent down to pick up the puck and looked at Matt who looked at her as they stared intensely at each other before dropping the little plastic puck in front of her and checking it off the side towards him. 

“Tell me more about your Christmas stream you’re having here instead of in the saftey and comfort of your family,” Matt had said after scoring another point and allowing her to start the volley again.

“I’m gonna hang out, and probably oversee some of the challenges we do on screen, then I’m probably going to just read comments and donations and just interact with my audience,” Suzy explained, “But if you were wondering why I haven’t joined the exodus from this facility like everyone else then that’s because I’m flying out on the 22nd or 23rd so I’m not missing out on all the cute cuddly family fun.”

“Oh...that’s nice,” Matt responds, focusing on the puck. He was interested, but he really only wanted to know about the stream, since Christmas for him was a touchy subject. He would be watching her work and he guesses he could get her food and water and such, but she could’ve asked anyone. Why him? “I already flew out and saw my family. I decided to come back to just have more time to think...At least that’s what my sister wanted for me,” he explained as he dodged her attempts to score, his hands were getting sweaty but he couldn’t let up. Then he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

[From: Gabbie Babbie] Hey, are you still with Suzy? [From: Gabbie Babbie] I don’t mean to bother you, just was thinking about you I think... [From: Gabbie Babbie] Idk have fun. Maybe we can try to grab dinner together tonight again.  [From: Gabbie Babbie] I just wanna touch your beard lol

Matt scored another point, but then Suzy retaliated with the last 2 points of the game and they both sighed as the game went back to its normal state.

They played another round and then moved on to other games in the arcade. One being a two player game with only one joystick and set of buttons. He had allowed her to mess with him while he was giving a grand effort of a turn to get a higher score. So he had no problem returning the gesture as safely as he could. When the girl was gaining a lead and even past his score, he warned her that the game is going to get really hard. He started to tickle her sides. Fun little finger pokes at first while she beat his score. They set up another game. Suzy lightly feathered Matt’s arms and actually caused him to finish with a score better than either of them. Suzy received air being blown in her ears and her freaking out causing her to jump back into Matt’s arms. She looked up with a giggle, and he looked down, checking her eyes and saw a softer look. Where was her fear of falling? Where was her blind rage that he cheated?

She felt her heart start to jump a little, not from their frolicking, either. His arms were a lot more welcome than she last knew. His touch was gentle on her body, and she felt cradled instead of caught. Is this how his sisters feel? Who would have thought this creep and weirdo would have such a light touch. He’s told her once before that he’s played with his sisters (moreso Hollie) and he would make sure not to hurt them so they knew how to have fun, but that they wouldn’t get hurt because of them. His glasses shining against the lights of the cabinet and the dim light gave it a galactical shine. She was lost in his eyes and gripped him for her fear of falling, but she still felt drawn to him.

This whole ordeal was throwing Matt off balance and it felt like they only stayed like that for a moment. He watched them almost from above himself as they crash back into the game cabinet they were playing, Matt towering over her, his hands propped up on either side of her. He dodged hitting her in the face or falling with his whole weight by simply shifting, and landing on his hip at angles to the other girl still gripping his shirt on his sides. He immediately moved back from the cabinet to let the girl stabilize herself, her hands now going to the ends of the game cabinet, to stabilize herself, while he took her hands off of his shirt. “I...I am so sorry, Suzy. I didn’t mean to make you jump like that, are you okay?...” he said, a clear 5 feet away from her and edging towards the door. 

Suzy wasn’t sure what had happened there. She had frozen, but she had also had something come over her. She hadn’t realized that she had been pulling them down until they were falling, their awkward recovery being salvaged by Matt, and he wasn’t being weird about it. She just noticed him scooting to the exit of the game room, and opened her mouth to answer the question, “NO! N-no...I think you should leave..” She hadn’t expected it to come off that way, or those words rather, but there he was, nodding in understanding and escorting himself out of the room to gather his things.

He wasn’t fighting to say it wasn’t that bad. He wasn’t trying to say that she was crazy. He wasn’t trying to touch her again to see if he could make things right. He wasn’t even offering to buy her something special to eat or to drink after the stream when they’d ultimately meet again. He’s just...leaving. Suzy sat and thought about it and knows she made the right choice. He shouldn’t have blown into her ear like that, fucking perv. He’s disgusting. No. NO. She followed him just to make sure he had everything and to maintain some level of their acquaintance with one another...at this point.

Matt walked away, knowing he didn’t do anything wrong and his intentions were good, but the whole thing became a jumble and he’s done trying to make sense of those. His sister said If you want a girl to make up her mind, be nice! And go with the first thing that comes out of their mouth. It’s usually their most clear answer. Then never talk about it again. Don’t make her feel bad for not being able to make a choice, just encourage the girl to have a better one in mind next time. And even though it’s advice from a 17-almost-18-year-old girl, it sounded right. It was easier, too. Better than his approach. His approach branded him as a creep. This one gives him some nobility. He could hear Suzy following behind him and he kept checking his phone and replying back to Gabbie.

[To: Gabbie Babbie] Lmaooo you can touch my beard anytime uwu [To: Gabbie Babbie] Dinner sounds cool, how about tonight if you aren’t busy? Nothing fancy? Just some Thai, I feel like spice tonight [To: Gabbie Babbie] I’m about to leave Gamma now. Just had a super weird interactive moment with Suzy and she told me to get out so I could use a distraction. [To: Gabbie Babbie] Call you when I’m back in Theta.

Suzy stood there, not understanding why she felt so...off. He was smiling into his phone, probably texting a girl, making separate plans for the evening because theirs had just come to an abrupt end. He’s not accepting his loneliness. He’s not even lonely. He’s just indifferent. Suzy knows for him to brush it off and walk away is what he usually does now, but now it also seems like he’s not even that interested in her. All because she snapped at him to leave. She was more so thinking the room and not leave her, but he’s okay with either gesture. She almost feels embarrassed he reacted so politely and jealous that he had another person he’d rather spend his time with- BUT SHE ASKED HIM TO BE HERE. “Uhm!” Suzy blurted out with a small voice, keeping her hand to her mouth, causing Matt to look at her and realize he hadn’t moved.

“Oh..I’m sorry, I wanted to make sure you hadn’t died in there from the beating I’d given you...We should do this again sometime after the charity stream, and under...uhh..better circumstances- which, again, sorry..about that...in there...” he trailed off as he began to hurry through the Gamma common area. 

“You didn’t want a t-shirt?” Suzy asked, her face donned a broken smile, her whole body was conflicted on what her curse was to be around Matt like this. Maybe she just like dreamy guys treating her like a cool kid sister. Maybe it’s the beard he’s growing. Or the haircut. Or the glasses. It’s gotta be the glasses. He’ usually doesn’t wear them and he just thinks he can walk in here with them on like it was okay. “Yeah...uhh all participants of the charity stream get t-shirts and merch and stuff to wear, so do you want your t-shirt? Cus I can’t promise you any tomorrow, you know, with Mark and all-”

“Yeah, yeah, I do know,” Matt’s appearance of a deer in headlights quickly subsided when she mentions a t-shirt and an inside joke about Mark, “Uhh..I mean I can still hang here, if you’d like..and get that leftover chinese..and the t-shirt of course.” He agreed and knew exactly how this was going to pan out. It had to get better. Matt had to be able to hold some type of human interaction. He walked over to the kitchen with Suzy and she pulled out the food and let the other take his pick. “So uhh Suzy....is..it okay if I get personal?” he asked carefully filling a dish with food and then putting it into the microwave, pressing in the settings and starting it, leaning back against the counter. 

Suzy was surprised he wanted to speak to her and dig into a topic. Here she was thinking that he was almost forced to come here. Whatever, maybe he’s just trying to keep his mind off of what happened earlier. “Yeah, yeah sure. What’s up?”

“Soo..I don’t usually let gossip affect my friendships and relationships, but, and I don’t know how to put this, but uhh..are you Pewds’ concubine or something? I’ve heard a lot about it, but I wanted to check with you on the validity of it,” Matt said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“WHat?!” Suzy spat, she looked around and walked closer, “Is it that obvious?”

“It’s that true?” he asked back, matching her hushed speech.

“We don’t...I-I mean we haven’t..I just...*sighs* Yes. I’m in cahoots with Pewds,” she admitted after getting frustrated about not being able to sugar coat it. He was the Gamma President after all, “Shane is fine with it and Harlan doesn’t see it much. They just figure it’s a..rough dry spell until they can cuddle up and vacation in the summers and such. It’s really the only time they get to have off. Shane’s always busy with schoolwork and Alpha work and taking care of Harlan, but he knows Felix is busier and needs to relax, and he can’t be there, I guess this is how they figured it out.”

“Oh ok,I understand that. I was seeing a girl who was a double major double minor 5.0, and so she would like only talk to me when she couldn't focus on studying and so I’d like hang with her, we didn’t like have sex very much, but it was fun while it lasted. The only reason I’m not with her right now is because she got picked up by UC Berkley and transferred to go straight into grad school,” Matt explained.

Suzy’s hand was trembling. He was okay with it? It’s not like his opinion mattered that much, but coming from a guy and being told that what she was doing didn’t damn her, felt odd. She listened to him talk about the girl he saw and she couldn’t help but think that he must have creeped her out and she stopped talking to him. However, Suzy had a strange pull that he wasn’t lying. She got the school bulletins, too, and there was a double major double minor 5.0 student at this school that had gotten picked up on scholarship to UC Berkley. Maybe he’s just that good of a liar. She was brought out of her thoughts by the beeping of the microwave and followed the man to the island nook. He sat and started eating, nodding as he slid Suzy his phone, showing pictures of him with the girl, who clearly looked tired and nothing like the polished one in the picture, standing together in a mirror together, another of them getting coffee at the cafe, and another with the two in bed in their underwear kissing. She nodded back, raising her brows in surprise, “You like prodigies,” she commented, “Well, you like them smart, at least. Interesting..eh..You’d have to prove it. And I’d thought that you’d have more of..an opinion about me..doing what I’m doing.”

“Well, it’s not that I like prodigies or that I even like them smart- I mean, well, I do..but that’s not the point. What’s more important is that you expected me to judge you, the only cis-female in an all cis-male house, that it’s wrong you’re having sex with men...in college. Jeez, you’ve gotta relax. Don’t take yourself so seriously, or don’t act like you have to around me. I think it’s hot as hell to have something like that to look forward to...I mean, is he anything like me? Do you guys like talk about things and be there for one another? Cus I understand it’s not a whole big thing, but I’d hope you two are friends. I’d hate to have to be standoffish to Pewds because he’s just being a fuck boy to someone as great as you,” Matt said between bites, carrying the conversation, getting up to the refrigerator and grabbing a drink, then sitting down to continue. He felt that Suzy probably expected to be judged, or she gets off on defying it, either way he knew he just wanted to make sure his friends were happy. At the moment, he looked at her as she had tensed up, “Look at me, talking about me and being overprotective of your well being. You can talk if you’re up to it,” he mentioned, sipping his juice. 

“Pew-Felix and I are friends,” Suzy began, fighting the blush on her cheeks, “He comes to me about his marriage and his house problems. Him and Cry going at each other over it and things. Planning events and things. He also just asks me for creative input. Sometimes I’m the babysitter. Oh yeah, I’m definitely more than just some cheeks for the man,” she blurted out in defence. It had been going on long enough that she could say normal things they’ve done, and that doesn’t count for the numerous instances of raunchy flirting. “Yup, your regular brand of rebel!” she joked, sitting back, proud of herself.

Matt giggled at her and cleaned up where he was completely, before going back to her and his drink at the counter. Suzy had came over the counter and was sitting, watching the man move around to cover his presence in her house. He looked at her, cross-legged on the countertop, and leaned back on his elbows next to her, “You’re not a rebel here until you get thrown out of a party, and you barely go to those!” he joked back, nudging her, “However, it raises your quality. You’re usually busy at work anyway. And babysitting would explain some of the times, especially between finals. That’s super duper kind of you. You’re definitely a real well-rounded friend!” he explained, listening to her and watching her face flush with pink. He looked at her and scoffed, “A real horny well-rounded friend. Pull yourself together, Suze!..All jokes aside that was cool how you were able to get in where you could find and got accepted for it. You get to have fun how most girls think they’d be having fun in college. You think you really like him?” he asked, looking at her.

Suzy grunted nervously, "Matt, you're putting a lot of thought into it, when...it's really really not that deep...I'm just friends with Felix sometimes and it's none of your business to be honest. So, like, can you please respect that?" The room rang with silence, causing Matt to withdraw. He stood on the other side of the kitchen now, looking through his phone and finishing his drink.

"I'm sorry," he began, "I haven't been the most respectful of people. It's mostly because I'm not around anyone anymore, so I tend to...obsess. And I really don't mean to be that way. That's why I wanted us to hang out more so that it doesn't happen anymore. I'm just..tired of being isolated."

Suzy looked at him and sighed hard, he very well could be lying. She can't doubt him, and given all the other times he's been very sweet, respectful and accomodating, maybe she was being a little too judgemental of him in that moment. She couldn't blame him for not being around anyone because she wasn't the most socalized person on campus either. She bit her lip and twirled her hair, feeling her chest tighten as she heard the familiar voice in her head. She was briefly conflicted and really thought she had gotten her voice up to tell Matt that she was sorry too, but had just been sitting there pulling at her hair. "Are you okay?" he asked from across the kitchen, scrunching his eyebrows. Suzy looked up and their eyes met, Matt looking at her blankly still waiting for a response. She had softened her stance, looking at the other person. He was so simple and strange and rugged. It all seemed so frustrating in her head, why couldn't he just be one way all of the time?!

Suzy still sat there and Matt grew concerned, but he was really about to leave because he had been totally blowing it. She quietly took in his frame, his energy. He was so soft and non-threatening, it felt nearly easy to be around him, and almost ignore him. Is that what he felt around everyone else? He didn't let the rumors become him, but it had isolated him because people like her would jump to so many conclusions. He'd believe anything you said, and wouldn't fight. Even though he's out for his gain of something so huge for him, she feels like it's not reaching her like that. "W-what about Gabbie?" she said, looking around, jumping off the counter, "Word around town is that you guys are becoming an item." She felt proud to have something to say about him.

"Gabbie and I are hitting it off. However, it's not what I'm used to," Matt began, "She's..as she described..going through a lot of things and she isn't always up for interacting, but if she cares about it in the back of her mind, then it'll show, but it takes some time."

"So...you think..maybe if you spent-"

"She specifically told me to leave her alone unless she asks for me- I usually don't know what it means until I get to see her, and from what I've been into so far, we're taking this...very..very slow," Matt replied, "SO..with that being said, I'll wait for her. Doesn't mean I'm tied to being around just her and when I can't I keep myself isolated; I spoke to my counselor and she said I shouldn't do that."

"Oh.." Suzy was so surprised, and felt rather lousy because of the explanation, and her lack of a rebuttal. He was put together and accepting of the different types of relationships. Maybe it really is lack of socializing. Matt looked at her and then looked at his phone again, then back to her. She felt like she wanted him to look at her, but maybe not look at her. She was so conflicted.

"Are you okay?"Matt asked, leaning over a little.

"N-No.." she said, pulling at a strand of her hair.

"Do..you...want me to leave you alone? Like leave?"

"N-No!" Suzy blurted out, trying to catch her breath.

"How about...we sit in the common area? Is anyone home? They gonna mind the noise down here?"

"Mmm-mmm...everyone's home on break or they're hard-wired into their streams and editing. I'm one of the only like...3 people here."

"Alright. Let's watch a movie or binge a series or something...this silence and everything are cutting into my psyche." ----------------------------------------------------------------- The two made some pizza rolls and settled in to watch an anime. Suzy sat close with him with his arm around her as they watched the show. She would elbow him when something made her jump or she reacted to a twist in the show. Matt would occasionally squeeze her arm and glance over at her as they casually spent hours together. Suzy hadn't realized, but she was so settled into Matt and his hand had moved from the top of her shoulders to the lower middle of her back, which felt amazing. His hand resting on her side ever so nicely, Matt felt so at home and relaxed. He really missed being able to hang out without that apprehension or air of doubt in the way. It was all clouded by the anxiety from him worrying about his hand going too far up or down, whether or not Suzy was comfortable, or even if she'd let him know what to do next.

Suzy had started it: "So..weird question, but..and you don't have to answer, but what's the best sex you've had...by category?" "By category..uhh..you mean like by position or like..by person? Bc either way that list is small and a bit arbitrary," Matt replied, jutting his lower body forward to lean back. "No...I mean like...well, obviously you start by orifice and work your way around to where and who...but like..for example..like...best head or something, then best penetrative sex then the subcategories of front and back-" "But I don't...I don't want it back there..." Matt joked, making them both laugh. "It's..it's fine, but in all reality it's not that bad. You just gotta really want it and stuff." "Ok, I think I get it...So...like the best head I've given was to the girl I was talking about earlier..you know the grad..I don't know why, but everything felt so right and I was in the zone. It may or may not have been because we'd taken adderall, may have not been. She was really into me, though. It was a good study break...Uhh best head I've received was hands down my first ex when I was 19 and she blew me in my mom's truck bed on a date." "Oh wow...Uhhm..well everything I did was mostly with Arin, and like maybe the person I dated a little after...but uhm..yeah I'd known him and been with him since we were teens," Suzy explained, "So it was really good and he didn't mind doing it upon request.." "You guys ever get caught?" he asked, looking at her, "Also I bet you all of your subscription payments that I give better head." "Hmm...well, I wouldn't say better, I don't like the idea of competition..How about if I cum more than once in like 30 minutes? Since sex on average is supposed to be a healthy half hour or so before a break," Suzy suggested, looking up at Matt. She wasn't too serious, at least not consiously, but sitting under him maybe had an influence because she couldn't think. He smelled so good and it just felt so comfortable to be wrapped up in him. Comfortable, though, isn't attraction; so what is she to do?

[evotter]

jan, march, sept + one of your choice, love. have a great day, u icon

thank u kyra i adore u

january: what was the first fic you posted this year?

the first fic i posted this year TECHNICALLY was the epilogue of a different path. the first standalone was chewbacca (aka my introduction to the jily world once again and i have such a soft spot for it)

march: do you listen to music whilst writing? 

yes! pretty much always; if it’s not music, it’s a TV show.

september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?

quite literally anything you’ve left on any of my fics BUT there are a few that i hold dear to my heart. i’ll post them under the cut cause they are LONG :’)

ancient: the first fic you ever posted online?

hahahaaaaaaa. it was my own version of rick riordan’s the son of neptune before the actual book was published. it was on ff.net, and the first chapter got 7 reviews, and i felt so good about myself after that lmfao. who knew i’d still be writing 8 years later?

ask me questions!

OKAY so i have 3 top favorites:

from a different path:

okay so i had seen this in someone else’s bookmarks the other day, thought it was an interesting concept—especially since i too love slytherin!percy and strongly subscribe to ofswordsandpens’ headcanons about it—but didn’t give it another thought until i was listening to a video about the cursed child and went: wait, there’s a percabeth hogwarts au that i saw somewhere. and immediately i hunted this down and i’m just in awe? i tore through it. belatedly, i realized that i made a mistake: i didn’t write down my thoughts as i was reading, which is definitely a disservice to you. however, here are a generalized list of things that i loved.

first of all, with hogwarts au’s, there are three main aspects that i look for: plot, characterization, and quality of writing. normally, fics of this size lack one or more of these key factors, but i was astonished to find that the plot is tremendously tight and intriguing (my lip bled from biting it so much because i’ve been stressed to the max), you write these characters with such distinct voices i can easily picture them saying everything—except, of course, now in a little british accent—and your writing flows so well, it feels almost like i’m reading an actual harry potter book, just with percy and co. you also do a masterful job of weaving together aspects of the pjo universe with the established canon of hp.

and there are so many specific things that i love. primarily, the way you write the relationships in this story; not just concerning percabeth (though i will get to that in a minute), but also with each of the interactions between all of the characters. i applaud you for how you handled luke/annabeth and rachel/percy, and the friendship among them all is just incredibly well done. i especially love how well you wrote connor and zoë and just, a lot of characters that i don’t often think about when i think of pjo. grover and percy’s friendship especially is heartbreaking, i just. he’s so protective because he loves his friends and holy fuck i also love how you wrote grover in this. but i just adored how you wrote annabeth/percy—the love between them, both platonic in its early stages and the romantic all throughout, was doubly apparent. i ached when they kissed each other’s cheeks, and i inwardly cheered when she kissed him in the locker room. there was just such a natural progression, to me, of their relationship. and man did i dig it. i’m excited (and maybe a little scared) to see where you take their relationship in the future.

boy, this is getting long. sorry. but some more just little quick things: loved the b99 reference, with both of their competitive natures playing out in a similar way to jake and amy’s. i kind of want to go back and see if i can find any other references that i missed because i was just too engaged in the story to catch them. also, zoë’s death killed me all over again, thanks for that. i like how you’re working the kronos plot in, and i can’t wait to see how the Final Battle plays out. what else? oh! professor hestia? beautiful. eventual maybe professor percy? outstanding. percy kissing the top of annabeth’s head? breathtaking. rachel being a quidditch commentator? earth shattering. (truly i cackled when i saw that.) mrs. o’leary being a cat? incredible. how you incorporated percy’s water powers? stunning.

ooh, this exchange was beautiful and had me cackling it was so in-character:

“None of us are dying.” Connor clarifies. “Not you, not me, not Annie, not the rest of us.”

“I might have to dispute that.” Annabeth says, from Percy’s other side. “Call me ‘Annie’ one more time, Stoll, and I’ll kill you myself.”

Connor only grins at her. “Sorry, love. No more ‘Annie’. Can I call you Beth?”

“No.”

“Anna?”

“No.”

okay, so i just finished chapter nine and i am blown away. sorry for how long this comment was, but a fic of this magnitude truly warrants it. i can’t wait to see what happens next.

i leave you with just two words: “holy shit.”

from a different path: 

god, oh my god, am i the only dumb bitch who didn’t get what the prophecy was??

anyway, i stumbled on this fic last year, patiently waiting for its completion, and now that i’ve rediscovered it, i’m so glad i finished it all in one go! i couldn’t imagine the tension of waiting for the next chapter, especially since the tension is so well-crafted!! i hardly noticed the tonal shift even as the story got darker and darker as it led up to the war, and in that way i was reminded of how extremely similar it felt to reading the hp books for the first time! you nailed percy very well i might say, and the awkward-yet-caring relationship he has with his dad. i daresay you gave connor and zoe more characterization than rick riordan himself, and the percabeth you wrote is perfect to the nth degree. i appreciate that you didnt bother with all the love triangle and unrequited feelings nonsense as well.

but i have to say, even as i cried at sally and paul’s wedding, or at dionysus’ quiet mourning for castor, what really struck with me most was the way you handled silena. for that, i have no words. that was a job extremely well done. thank you so much for blessing us with this fic.

from chewbacca (a comment from u!): 

A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen. Her coat is dripping all over the floor he’d just cleaned (but it’s fine) and when he leans over the counter he sees that her boots match the coat.

First of all!!! Thats the best opening line in the world and nobody can convince me otherwise. I want to become a publisher just so that if you ever write a book, I’d be able to publish it. ( like omg, what an honor??? )

She looks like sunshine, standing there with the amount of yellow in her wardrobe. Briefly, James wonders if that’s her favorite color. It’s got to be.

Im going to quote this whole fic but I really love these lines? Like, you have this distinct style of writiting that I aim to acheive and you’re literally such a rolemodel!!! These are my favorite kind of fics to read. Funny story but I was going through a ‘no thanks Jily’ mood (  a horror, i know !! ) but your fics are just,,,,exceptions? You could write about trash and I’d love it and ask for you to sign me up.

 “Say it again, but convincingly this time.”

ooof this dialogue??? let me breathe

This is the longest he’s stood still since he started working. It’s actually a miracle.

and the funniest person award goes to YOU. also, the most talented and cutest but thats neither here nor there.

james taking care of fleamont, switching off the lights gives me just a nice and realistic vibe? its so simple but i love how you added it.

honestly at this point, ive been sucked again by the fanfic. it feels less like a fic and more like a masterpiece that belongs in a museum but anyway.

“James is supposed to be helping.

James is on his phone.”

ugh i love ur mind. im rereading and its so nice and lovely. even if its like 1am and im exhausted, this fic is sustaining me.

“Do it off the clock, would you?”

PEAK HUMOR

have i mentioned how much i love that scene with euphemia? she seems like such a lovely mom. i love ur euphemia the most. and ahh, both of them just rushing to the hospital ? another 100% good scene.

“Euphemia smiles too, but looks at Fleamont rather than at her son. “Yes,” she says. “It really does.””

fic? or shakspeare? HMMM

A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen // “Get fucked.”

the fic!! has made a circle!!! i love how it begins and ends along the same lines. I really want to know how??? are you so talented im in love.

i just really love this fic, okay? i love how james is just the kindest, lily is allowed to have feelings, its just so soft and warm. and it makes someone feel loved, want love anyway.

the dynamic between the characters are just so real and great and im astounded, in short.

your sirius is everything. so many fics potray him as a dick??? which is first of all #rude and also, not at all true. you made me love these characters even more so i sincerely hope you never stop writing.

you’re such a beautiful writer and the way you string words together is just poetic and gorgeous and all the other good adjectives you can think of. i read your spiderman x reader too and i was a goner for you. EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS SO GOOD. i read it so long ago but i can vividly remember peter whipping the mask off and she just going wtf stop on the window ledge. what im trying to say is that you leave this lasting impression on people that make them remember random scenes and words / prose long after they’ve read it which is a remarkable feat, i believe.

and im so sorry im not on tumblr rn bc i cannot keep recing this fic but i have told my friends about your writing and they loved it too. you’ve got like a million fans. when i do get back from my hiatus, im going to keep recing your fics and people will cry because their universe will shift thanks to the newfound joy of your presence in their life.

lastly, im more of a dog person and that, more than anything, should tell you how much i love this fic. i love u. and basee on your writing, i want to hug you, be your best friend and make you cookies bc again

WOW

#thelaziestgeek #answers #friends! #<3

[lovemesomesurveys]

What’s your favorite zoo animal? Giraffes. How is your hair currently styled? It’s in a braid. How long are your showers (on average)? 30-45 minutes. Do you have any plans for tomorrow? No. Are you multitasking at the moment? I’m listening to an ASMR video.

East or West? West. Do you prefer iced coffee or hot coffee? Hot coffee, always. What time did you wake up today? It’s 1AM, I haven’t gone to bed yet. Would you rather be taller or shorter than your current height? Taller. What was the last ‘family gathering’ you attended? I haven’t gone to any recently, it’s been a few years.

What’s your favorite soap smell? I just use Caress, so whatever scent that is. Clean? ha. Are you wearing perfume right now? No. What did you do last night? Watched TV and was on Tumblr. The usual. What’s worse: working in fast food or retail? I’ve heard both are nightmares because you’re dealing with customers, and customers can be really rude and mean sometimes. Do you have any college or future plans? I graduated UC with my psych degree in 2015. I haven’t done anything since. What was the last consumed alcoholic beverage? I think it was a jack and Coke. It was 5 years ago, so I don’t really remember. What do you spend most of your money on? Food and coffee. Describe your room. It’s small and full of stuffed animal giraffes. Wood floors or carpet? We have tile and carpet, but I love wood floors. What color is your toothbrush? White and blue. Are you wearing socks right now? I’m always wearing socks. Is your most recent ex seeing someone right now? I don’t know or care. What’s your favorite physical feature? My hair when its been dyed and styled recently and looks nice. Shopping: love it or hate it? Love it. Do you have any political affiliations? Blah politics. Lose weight or gain it? I need to gain it. I really can’t lose any more weight. Favorite album of all time? That’s tough. How long does it take you to get ready for school/work? I’m done with school and I don’t have a job. Would you ever go vegetarian or vegan? No. Any irrational fears? Yeah, a few. Do you like FPS? What? Do you know what FPS is? No. If you have a problem, who do you turn to? Usually no one. Do you need to do laundry? No. Are you wearing any jewelry? No. Where is the last restaurant you’ve been to? IHOP. Did you exercise at all today? No. I don’t exercise. I should try and lift some 5 pound weights or something, though. What color are your eyes? Brown. Do you like your music loud? Loud enough. Who has inspired you the most in your life? I don’t feel very inspired right now. I haven’t in a few years. Do you believe that high school years are the best years of your life? No. How old do you want to be when you get married? I don’t plan on ever getting married. What’s your favorite part about the fall? Everything. I loveee that time of year. Are you craving anything at the moment? Not at the moment. Beer or wine? Neither. What are you allergic to? Tangerines. Where do you get most of your groceries from? We do our big grocery shopping trips at Walmart, but we have a grocery store near our house we go to for quick trips when we just need a few things. Is there a place where everyone who lives near you tends to hang out? There’s a few places. New places have popped up over the years now that I’ve never been to or heard of cause I never do anything anymore. I’m out of the loop, I just hear about them from my brother who has a normal social life and actually does things. Are you into Twilight? I was back in the day. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner? All 3. I rarely used to have breakfast, but that’s the only good thing that’s come out of this year so far is that I’ve been eating more.

#personal #text #survey #surveys