#I’ve decide that Alex is the hardest to draw out of the 6 of them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tubbietommo · 3 years

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MY TOP 10 F1 HELMETS OF 2020 (AS A GRAPHIC DESIGNER)

With finally that dumb rule about amount of helmet changes out of our system, I’ve been enjoying seeing all these different helmets this season. There have been beauties, some that I’m still thinking about till this day and there have been some uglies.. some also which I’ve been thinking about till this day and literally thinking: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!? to the drivers that wore them.

As I’m getting my official graphic design ‘papers’ I wanted to give my opinion about my top 10 helmets of this year:

10: Daniil Kvyat Abu Dhabi helmet

This is his last helmet and honestly I’m a fan of this one. It’s a pretty simple design and usually I’m not a big fan of the colour red being used in a helmet. Mostly because I find that colour a bit overdone in helmets. But it being sparkly makes it extremely beautiful and it’s the first Alpha Tauri helmet that I’ve seen that match fully with that big ass logo on there. With most of the Alpha Tauri helmets I feel like the helmets designs have two parts to it, the design and the big ass logo. But with this one I find it matching extremly well. Good job on that, love it.

9: Pierre AustrianGP helmet (fan made)

Oof, the front and the upper part of this helmet is just so fun. I’m a big fan of using a dark background with a very bright color scheme combined and I love the fact that this was a competition where fans could design Pierre’s helmet and that a beautiful design was chosen. I would have loved it even more if the alpha tauri logo wasn’t there. Especially that big. It would have looked so cool and given me an 80′s disco vibe if the whole colourful design was fully around the helmet, without the logo. But I guess with this one I just pretend the logo isn’t there. It's still so good though.

8: Sebastian Vettel Abu Dhabi (ferrari tribute) helmet.

Now I wasn’t sure which helmet of Seb I liked more, this helmet or the Styrian helmet. I decided on this helmet, because it’s such a Seb helmet and reminded me of one of his Red Bull helmet (which is prettier than this one tbh). But also because I think there’s a special concept to this helmet. This obviously could be wrong but to me this helmet is a bit of ‘self reflect’ for Seb. You obviously have the achievements with Ferrari on there and his famous quote ‘grazie ragazzi and the helmet has a bit of a mirror effect. but the colours to me that especially are being used in the number 5 tells me his F1 adventure (past and future). The colours start (in the number 5) with the Redbull colours, than goes into the red(Ferrari) which blends in with a little pink and goes straight to the green(AM). So I really like this little detail even if it wasn’t on purpose, which sorry but I am convinced it is.

7: The pink Hulkenberg helmet

I’m not gonna lie, I kind of had forgotten about this helmet, but as I’ve been looking back at these helmets this one has been really catching my eyes and is so well done. I find Pink a very hard colour to work with anyway, definitley the bright pink that just screams at you. And the fact that the bright pink isn’t overpowering with the pastel pink and white makes this helmet just nice to look at. The things that needs to grab your attention, grabs your attention and the fact that it has stripes going vertically over the helmet is one of my favourite design choices you can do with helmets so I absolutely love that. If a driver is doing a pink helmet, then this is what I love to see. Very beautiful.

6: Jack Aitken Abu Dhabi helmet

Now this one I was pleasent surprised by. Lets just put it this way: It’s a busy helmet well done. This is also a helmet that is just nice to look at it. Using these kinds of shapes that go from small once to big once is not easy to make it not look messy and the way they've done the white spaces inbetween the shapes is really well done. It looks like a puzzle that fits well and I have nothing bad to say about this. The color scheme with this one is just amazing. Really really love this one.

5: Lewis Hamilton purple helmet (bahrain)

I haven’t been a fan of Lewis’s helmets before BUT LET ME TELL YOU, this season he has really been bringing it. I am in love with the use of purple. Such an underrated color in this sport. And why? I have no clue. Purple is creative, magic, rich colour. How has it not been used more? It looks so good on this helmet, especially the Bahrein one with the glitter. Very pretty, good job Lewis. Finally! I have nothing bad to say about this helmet. The stars for his champions, the blm message on it. A good helmet right here.

4: George’s Abu Dhabi GP helmet

I guess a lot of drivers saved their best helmet for last... When I saw this helmet for the first time I was legit in love with it. I love that this helmet is for Frank and Claire and showing the success of Williams which haven’t been showed the last couple of years. But the use of the two dark blue shades with the white lines is complimenting all three colours so beautifully. I really hope George keeps those three colours and make a different kind of design as his main helmet because this looks beautiful to me. I wouldn’t even know anything bad to say about this helmet. Love it.

3: Alex’s Abu Dhabi GP Helmet

Now this one might come as a surprise and I don’t think anyone would’ve picked this one out as a number three BUT HEAR ME OUT. I’m absolutely OBSESSED with the cartoonish design that’s going on with this and it stands out a lot more compared to all the other Red Bull helmets that have been designed since 2015. To me they’ve been all looking kind of the same but this one to me is just so unique while still being a very RedBull helmet. The black outlining makes all of the colours pop out so much more and just the whole cartoon vibe is just right up my alley. If I were to design helmets, the whole cartoon vibe would be what I do and I think that’s one of the main reasons why this helmets speaks to me so much. Like I absolutely love it.

2: Seb’s Tuscan GP helmet

This was the hardest decision, because to me this is a clear number one. I have something with old designs coming back. And I LOVED Seb’s 2019 Monza helmet which was a love letter to the old helmets and I LOVE this helmet for the same reason, but even more so of how creative this is. Obviously it was the 1000GP for Ferrari so there was the inspiration. But I’m just obsessed with the way the old side looks. How they used an old drawing of the old racing car and made it really work. Like it almost looks like an old world map but to a racing driver. I’m obsessed with this side. But also I’m obsessed with the way it goes from the old side to the new with the old looking colours to the vibrant almost neon ‘now’ colours... is just amazing. I probably would’ve loved it even more (if that was possible lmao) if the old side was all around the helmet, but you just have to love this concept. For a 1000gp celebration it’s so good and well thought while still keeping your main design helmet in there. I would love to have this helmet. So cool.

1: Sebastian Vettel diversity helmet

Is it really a surprise that this one is on number one though? Now I’m gonna be honest with you, even though I absolutely love this design, it’s the combination of the design and the extremly strong message this helmet brings to the table that makes this helmet a number one of the season. This helmet is so special I will be thinking about this helmet in probably 10 years still. Now let me talk about the design. The stripes of rainbow where usually the German flag is (which I said before) something I’m obsessed with. I really love a helmet that has stripes going vertically over the helmet. I don’t think a lot of drivers use that and obviously Seb’s Ferrari helmet is known for that design and is so iconic. Your eyes will go straight to the vertically stripes, which in this case are the rainbow colours. But that’s not all. On the side you have all these unique illustrated people. Every character on there is differently that you almost could say you could ‘find yourself’ in there. It really shows the message of this helmet. What I also love and probably is a detail that is a forgotten detail, is how the number five slowly fades with the background. I’m very curious if that’s just a design choice, but I almost would think there’s a concept in that alone. Overall this is just a mind blowing helmet. I have nothing bad to say about it. It’s a beautiful design with an amazing message that should be talked more about in this sport.

#f1 #sebastian vettel #Alex Albon #george russell #Lewis Hamilton #Jack Aitken #nico hulkenberg #pierre gasly #daniil kvyat

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fiddlepickdouglas · 3 years

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Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 17 - With Him

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, how will it go in the end?, 4.8k

@trevor-wilson-covington is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16

One finger tapped on the strap of his fanny pack as Alex listened for the right bus stop to be called. If all those months since he’d seen Willie had been long, this past week had been longer. Especially since the news about Caleb had hit hard and every minute in the studio now felt like the band was precariously teetering on the edge of a cliff. He was going to try not to let any of that get in his way today, though. He’d made it to Saturday and Willie was only a few streets away, and he didn’t care what happened for the rest of the day - it was going to be good.

Finally he heard the next stop announced for where he needed to get off and he pulled the cord that told the driver to make a stop. Stepping onto the sidewalk, his heart bounced around in its chamber like the Tazmanian devil from Looney Tunes. He was glad that Willie lived in the basement of the apartment building he occupied because it would’ve been the worst if Alex forgot which room he was in and spent hours frantically knocking doors.

It was hard to tell if he was moving quickly or if his mind was just racing, but in either case, he eventually found himself at the door. For a second, he simply took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair, trying to get a visual of Willie immediately pouncing on him the moment the door opened out of his head. It wouldn’t exactly be unwelcome, but Alex was realizing how desperate he was to be with him and was amazed at how it affected his imagination.

Lifting a hand, he made sure he knocked loudly. Soon after, the door opened, and Alex was greeted with shining brown eyes, silky, gorgeous brown hair styled into two braids, and a smile he could make home in. Willie.

“Hey, come on in!” Willie was saying, standing to the side and gesturing for him to enter. Crossing the threshold, Alex gazed at the humble space, taking in the details with heightened interest. “This is mi casa!” He began showing Alex around. “We’ve got the main living space, very cozy. The kitchen to your left, but no dining room so it’s all criss-cross applesauce on the floor - makes it extra chill. Bathroom through the back. The sink and shower handles will sometimes shock you, so don’t mind all the electrical tape.”

It was surprisingly accommodating for a dingy basement, and Willie had already made little additions that spoke volumes about him without words. A king size mattress sat in the corner of the ‘main living space’ on the floor with a small bookshelf beside it. The bookshelf only had a handful of cassette tapes and a Walkman lying on top, with a few sketchbooks on the middle shelf. Next to that, the dresser had a small collection of vintage soda bottles and a camera sitting on its surface. Glow-in-the-dark star stickers covered the ceiling above the bed. Even a couple cat toys could be spotted on the floor. Immediately, Alex approached the area where Willie’s desk sat surrounded by sketches hung on the wall.

“So these are your drawings?” he asked, although the answer was obvious. They were so good. Willie followed him over, the squinty smile still in his eyes.

“Yeah. Some are new. Most of them are attempts to recover what Caleb tore up.”

Alex looked at Willie apologetically, even though the loss of Willie’s previous work wasn’t his fault. Without warning, a pressure on his leg and the sound of loud purring announced Sheldon’s presence. The cat looked up at him and blinked slowly, already begging for attention. Heart melting, Alex bent down to pet him.

“Hey, Sheldon,” he said. “I forgot how cute you were!” He smiled as Sheldon rubbed his head against his hand with more affection that he’d likely seen from any other creature on the planet. Well...maybe there was one other that matched it. Alex had heard about how pets could take on the temperament of their owners, and suspected this was a clear example. “He’s gotten so big since I last saw him.”

“Yeah, he’s supposed to be almost two years old, if Escobar guessed his age right.”

Standing again as Sheldon pattered off, Alex returned his attention to the wall of art, looking at the pieces more closely.

“So which one is your dad?” he mused.

Willie untacked one of them and held it out for Alex to examine. “This one.”

Holding the edges carefully, Alex gazed in amazement at the detail Willie had caught. The edges were certainly less defined, but the scene inside the truck was so easy to visualize that Alex could almost feel the leather of the seats and the windchill from the window. He wasn’t sure what began burning in his chest as he peered down at the image, but it was profound and complex.

“I’ve thought about seeing if I could find him, but I think with my memory it’s kind of impossible,” Willie told him.

“He looks so happy here. I don’t get why you would end up as a foster kid.”

“Yeah, I wondered that too. Maybe he didn’t have a choice?”

Alex looked at Willie’s face, and he could tell half of him was lost in a world of what-ifs and other questions. He was always trying to seem so easy-going, and to an extent he truly was, but he couldn’t hide the constant sense of upheaval that rested on his shoulders. At least, Alex was picking up on it more, now that he knew the things he did. He may have been biased, but he couldn’t imagine anyone not fighting their hardest to keep Willie.

Suddenly his gaze was drawn to the unfinished work on the desk, and recognized it as a portrait of himself.

“Wow.” The word fell out of his mouth.

“Oh,” Willie started with a hint of shyness. “Obviously that one isn’t done, so…” He reached to put it away.

“You got that far off of memory, though,” Alex said. “I’m impressed. And you make me look good.” He offered an encouraging smile. “Maybe some time today I could be a model for you?”

Willie cocked his eyebrow, surprise and playfulness making an adorable combination on his face. It made Alex’s smile grow wider.

“Well, we’ve got a whole day ahead,” Willie said. “Your wish is my command.”

“Okay,” Alex said, leaning onto his back foot casually, one side of his lip curling with intrigue. “Well, I wanna see where you go around here. You seem to have a knack for finding the best spots. We can play it by ear.”

“What’s that one song with the one phrase?” Willie asked. “‘Any way the wind blows?’” He sang shyly, clearly playing down what Alex could tell was a nice voice.

“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Alex smiled. Willie’s job at the record store was at least giving him a good taste in music. “Don’t worry, you’ll know everything about the classics once you hang out with me enough.”

An emotion flashed in Willie’s eyes and after a moment Alex realized what those words were actually saying. He held his gaze, hoping he could communicate his intentions clearly, unlike the last time they’d seen each other. Willie swallowed, and his expression remained excited as he loaded his backpack and led them out the door, board in hand. Alex followed him, deciding not to question which direction they were going.

First, they made a stop to buy a bunch of apples. In classic Willie fashion, he went to a bodega, and this time he communicated with the cashier in rough Spanish. Alex knew he was showing off, and smirked at the notion that Willie enjoyed impressing him.

“So what do we need these for?” Alex wondered as they left the bodega. “Besides a ton of apples for lunch.”

Willie’s secretive smile made Alex raise an eyebrow.

“It’s a surprise.”

A little while later, they stood before the most unlikely place in all of Los Angeles: a horse barn. Staring at the building as if it loomed fifty feet above him, hands in his pockets, Alex gulped and a lump of dread landed in the pit of his stomach.

“Oh no,” he muttered apprehensively.

“Oh yeah,” Willie said, turning to him with a thrilled grin on his face.

Alex wasn’t exactly afraid of horses...he just had no idea what to do around them and therefore was not sure what to expect from them. Also, he would’ve worn different pants if he’d known this was on the agenda.

“I promise, they’ve got some really chill horses,” Willie tried to ease his nerves. “I’ve gone on this trail enough times. Don’t worry, you’ll know everything about riding once you hang out with me enough.” He winked as he threw back Alex’s line with a sly smile.

Unable to argue, Alex shook his head and used the hand in his pocket to gesture forward, signaling to Willie he was up to the challenge. He watched him practically skip inside and he had to jog to keep up after him. They signed in and then were led to two stalls.

Willie immediately gravitated toward a tall golden-colored mustang stallion with a dark mane, apparently both already familiar and happy to see each other. Alex watched him gently greet and essentially coo at it while comfortably stroking its nose and then feeding it an apple. He longed to have that sort of talent with other creatures, and simultaneously realized that he yearned to receive that same tenderness.

Once the horses were tacked up and one of the instructors had given Alex some brief pointers on how to ride, he found himself following Willie on a trail while mounted on a painted mare. The only philosophy he could adopt out here was to be gentle and not get lost.

“Not so bad, your majesty,” Willie called over to him.

An extremely nervous laugh elicited from Alex’s throat involuntarily, only making Willie laugh in return. Alex rode a little closer so they were nearly side by side on the trail.

“I’ve been here once,” he said. “I think I was about twelve? My mom thought that it would make me change my mind about taking ballet classes. We rode for maybe fifteen minutes before I got so nervous we had to turn back around and go home. Never made it through the full trail.”

“Man, that sucks,” Willie commented. “I didn’t know you did ballet.”

“Yeah, that and a few other types of dance. I was forced to quit a little couple years ago. That’s about when we got serious as a band, so I just found something else to bother my parents with.”

He could see the gears click into place as Willie came to a few conclusions about his parents and gave an emphatic nod.

“Well, I’ve always wanted to learn how to dance. That was the one thing Caleb had promised to teach me. He’s the worst, but he definitely knows how to dance.”

Suddenly, Alex remembered watching Caleb’s movements when he’d served him and the boys at the diner. Of course he could dance; everything had been fluid and smooth. All he could say to that thought was “huh,” at first. Then after a few moments: “I’ll have to teach you one of these days then.”

Willie’s eyes crinkled at the corners, happy at the prospect.

“Yeah, okay! Add that to our to-do list.”

Alex chuckled. They had a to-do list now. He bit his lip as he continued following Willie along the trail. It was a gorgeous day and in this area the sky was so clear compared to further inside the city. Greatly contrasting his experience from years ago, Alex felt himself become much more at ease and felt confident enough to take greater control of his horse. Willie pulled out his camera and snapped a few scenic photos every once in a while.

Eventually, they stopped at an outlook and Alex had to take in an awed breath. The view was clear for miles all around them. Green hills spanned the landscape in every direction with patches of city speckled in between. Even the ocean line was visible from there. How did Willie know how to find these?

“Hey, Alex!” Willie called, lifting his camera. “Say cheese!”

Turning to face him, Alex flashed a genuine smile as Willie captured him atop his horse against the scenery. He was usually pretty camera shy, but this time he really didn’t mind. Keeping memories like this actually felt important to him, unlike the many times he’d been forced to pose with his family at functions he’d also been made to attend. Those occasions had always felt so insincere - less about enjoying the memory and more about trying to prove their status as the polished, functional family everyone aspired to.

He saw Willie dismount for a moment and stretch his legs. Gripping the reins and looking around in uncertainty, Alex realized he’d gotten on before ensuring he could properly get off. Thankfully, Willie noticed and came up to him, hands raised.

“Okay, so just...carefully lift your foot out of the stirrup and swing your leg over toward me,” he instructed. Sucking in a breath hesitantly, Alex did as he said. “Alright, then...here.” Willie offered a hand for Alex to grab so he could slide off with ease. Landing on the ground, he leaned into Willie to gain his balance, and felt a congratulatory pat on his back. It took more restraint than Alex anticipated to not simply wrap his arms around him and sit like that for an indefinite amount of time. They had all day ahead of them; he didn’t need the sudden fear of losing him to derail things out of nowhere.

“Sorry if I look like a wimp about all this,” he said, letting go of his hand.

“Nah, don’t sweat it,” Willie assured him, shaking his head. “This is...this is new.”

His eyes seemed to take Alex in from head to toe and Alex could’ve sworn the charge in the air between them would buzz if they got closer, spark if they made contact. It was almost like that moment in front of Willie’s door the week before. For a few seconds they remained locked in that trance before Willie took hold of the horse’s reins and handed them to Alex.

“Technically this trail could take hours, but I’m guessing this isn’t all you’re interested in today,” he said. “What do you say we stretch our legs a bit and then ride back?”

Looking from the reins in his hand back to Willie, Alex nodded.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Opening his backpack, Willie handed him an apple and then bit down into one of his own. Taking a bite, it was one of the most refreshing apples Alex ever eaten. They walked the horses a little ways and tried to get good pictures of the different views around them. Alex asked to try his hand with the camera and get a few good shots of Willie. He didn’t consider himself a photographer, but he doubted when the photos got developed that they would turn out badly. The way Willie smiled made him seem like he was made of sunlight from the inside out.

As they rode back to the barn, Alex kept replaying those moments where he’d refrained from making a move over in his head. This had been strike two. If he continued on like this, he was going to hate himself for the rest of eternity, he was pretty sure. Was it some weird kind of side effect of the whole ‘Willie come back to life’ thing? Watching him affectionately say goodbye to his horse once they were ready to leave, Alex looked at his own horse and raised a tentative hand up to her nose.

The mare gazed back, patience gleaming in her eyes. He finally set his hand down on her nose and gently rubbed it up and down, smiling a little to himself. This wasn’t so bad. He could do this - it was just a matter of getting through all the barriers he made for himself in his head. Moving his hands from the horse’s nose, he stroked along her neck, and caught Willie smiling at him from the corner of his eye.

“You wanna try feeding her an apple?” he asked.

Thinking for a few seconds, Alex nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Pulling one out of his backpack, Willie placed it in Alex’s palm.

“Alright, so hold it out in front of you like this…” He positioned Alex to offer the apple. “And keep your palm flat.”

Alex uncurled his fingers and after sniffing at it a little the mare ate it out of his hand. He could ignore the sensation of her mouth touching him because Willie still had his arm around his shoulder to hold him steady. They looked at each other, and Alex wished he could get a proper shot at Willie’s face at that angle with the camera.

“Looks like you’re gonna get the hang of this,” Willie commended.

Alex looked back up at the horse, a little bit of pride swelling in his chest. “Yeah, I think I will.”

Later, they went to the beach at Alex’s suggestion. He was perched on the surface of a picnic table, posed as if he were looking off into the distance. Willie sketched with great concentration, having taken his hair out of his braids so he could run his hand through it. The late afternoon sun brought out all the best color contrasts in their surroundings - one of the things Alex loved about coming to the beach at this time of day.

“So I have a question,” Alex started, trying not to move too much. His tendency to talk with his hands kept getting him in trouble.

“Shoot,” Willie prompted him, not looking up.

“Did Caleb let you go to school or anything? Or did he provide any sort of education at all?”

Squinting, Willie looked thoughtful for a moment.

“So, after the accident, he told me that I’d had to be taken out of school,” he began, continuing to sketch. “Which makes sense, I guess, if I forgot everything. I remember some basic things, like math wasn’t hard to pick up again. Once I was recovered enough to go places, he just let me go to the public library and find whatever I wanted to read. But he always insisted on not having reminders of who I was before and said it was supposed to be helping me ‘become my own person’. He got rid of things like my school yearbooks and old journals and things. I didn’t think anything of it at first because he’d just called it useless clutter and I believed him. As soon as he decided I was fit enough to work in the diner and help out at the hotel, he told me to forget about school. Anything else I picked up was from watching TV, or listening to the radio, or something. Sometimes I’ll just remember I know something after hearing about it and it’s like it was just always there.”

Listening intently, Alex marveled at the whole thing. The fact that Caleb was not only negligent, but actively discouraging Willie from knowing anything, made him wish he could take down the man’s whole career. However, he figured Willie probably had a lot of his intelligence still untapped. If he’d been able to get away from Caleb and somehow create a life for himself in the span of a few months, Alex wondered what else he was capable of.

“What’s something you remember?” he wondered.

“I guess I used to be really obsessed with space. Just planets and stars and all that. I can spout off facts about Jupiter’s moons and stuff like that. Did you know that the moon Europa has a saltwater ocean under a layer of ice?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I didn’t. That sounds really cool though.” He thought of the stickers on Willie’s ceiling and smirked a little before reassuming his pose.

“I sort of wish I could remember being in school,” Willie was saying. “Everyone else seems to just share all of those memories and understand each other that way.”

Alex saw his brow furrow, and could tell he felt left out. He pondered on his own experience growing up in public school. There was almost no other way he would’ve met Luke, Bobby and Reggie if they hadn’t all attended the same schools. While he could easily critique and complain about it to no end, he knew it was a privilege.

“School is definitely hard,” he told Willie. “But I did get my friends out of it, and I guess that makes up for it. If it’s any consolation, you could just complain about Caleb like he was your horrible English teacher who thought he knew more about the subject of your essay, but you cited all of your sources and they proved him completely wrong.”

Willie laughed. “Why? Did that happen to you?”

Alex bobbed his head from side to side and feigned looking thoughtful . “Maybe.”

“I kind of like reducing him to a loser English teacher. He just sounds petty and sad.”

“That’s high school,” Alex confirmed.

Leaning back from his work for a minute to take it all in, Willie brushed a hand through his hair.

“Here, you wanna take a look at it?” he said. Alex hopped off the table and went to stand over Willie’s shoulder at the drawing and was immediately rendered speechless. The detail was impeccable, but Alex was more impressed by the feeling he got looking at it. Willie had managed to make him appear...handsome, and pensive, and fascinating, like anyone else could look at him and create a million unique ideas of who he was. However, it wasn’t anyone else looking at him, it was Willie, and what he’d captured felt like the truth. Alex couldn’t really explain what that meant, only that it was an honest representation.

“Okay, I know I said the one back at your place made me look good, but this is...this is unreal.”

He could see Willie trying to be modest, but the corners of his lips couldn’t stay down. Funny enough, he appeared even more unable to find words, and simply beamed as he looked back and forth between his sketch and Alex’s face.

A sudden impulse came over Alex, and he kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it on top of Willie’s skateboard and backpack. Willie sat looking flustered for a moment.

“Wanna swim?” Alex nodded toward the waves, bidding Willie to follow. He didn’t wait for him to catch up as he immediately began running into the waves up to his knees. Alex knew his pants would be even more ruined the second he hit the salty water, but he didn’t care. Now the sun was beginning to set and the chill of the waves was refreshing, and he couldn’t express what he felt just then in any other way.

Willie tackled him from behind, climbing onto his back and nearly knocking him over into the shallow tide. Clambering back to his feet, Alex splashed water at him. They began a playful water fight back and forth, until they were both drenched. Eventually, Alex tried to catch hold of both Willie’s hands in an attempt to prevent being splashed anymore. He had the advantage of longer arms, but before he could get a tight hold of the second arm Willie’s leg swept under his and they both fell just as a large wave washed over them.

As the water pulled back, they sat in the sand in a tangle, laughing. All Alex could think of was how pretty Willie was in this light, hair swept back off his face with tendrils resting over his shoulders, sun gleaming in his eyes and constantly shining from the inside out. The laughter died between them and he caught a look in Willie’s eye that made him wonder if he appeared to him to be just as perfect in that moment.

This time his mind and body worked in sync as he lifted a hand and gently pulled Willie into a short, tender kiss. All the self-flagellation from earlier was washed away in one pure moment, and exhilaration moved into its place. It felt soft and sweet, just the way he expected it should. Just as quickly as he’d let go, Willie went in for another one, a little longer and a little deeper. One hand remained caressing his cheek while the other wrapped around his upper back. Alex couldn’t help smiling into another kiss; he was too happy to care about anything else. Hardly a week ago, this had been impossible.

As they let go, their hands came together and they looked into each other's eyes, both releasing a relieved chuckle. Willie looked at the rest of the beach behind them and Alex’s eyes followed, but at this hour there were too few people around and no one paying attention to them. Turning back to Alex, Willie sighed and shook his head with a smile.

“Wow,” was all he said, biting his lip.

“Yeah, I’d definitely do that again,” Alex smirked, until the joy in his chest converted it into a full grin.

A wave washed over them again and they both stood, shaking out their hair and trying to wipe off whatever sand they could. Heading back up the beach, Willie grabbed Alex’s hand so they could make their way up together. The sun was nearly set but Alex was sure it had just gone into his chest, bursting with excitement. Once they reached the picnic table, they gathered their things and Willie offered to carry Alex’s shirt inside his backpack on the way home. Thank goodness there were a few patches of grass so Alex could try to get a little more sand off his feet before putting his shoes back on.

“So how long have you been sitting on that?” Willie teased as he slung his backpack over his shoulder and they left the beach.

“Shut up,” Alex laughed, knowing he was being called out.

“No, really!” Willie bumped his side jokingly. “I want to know!”

Tilting his head back to try to remember, it didn’t take Alex long to give him the answer.

“Since day one,” he told him.

Surprise swept over Willie’s face as he looked at Alex.

“Seriously?” he asked.

Alex nodded.

“Me too.”

It was Alex’s turn to look surprised. Without saying another word, he took Willie’s hand in his and then kissed it before continuing back toward his place. The whole way they talked about all the different things they needed to do together in the future. Riding on more horse trails, dancing lessons, skating lessons, art modeling sessions, going to band practices and gigs, visiting the record store while Willie wasn’t working, etc. They both agreed that the entire day technically counted as a date, and all further plans would as well. Alex was reminded once again that he didn’t have a notebook to write things down in, and vowed to have one for the next time he saw Willie. Once they reached Willie’s door, they had already put their shirts back on and it was completely dark outside.

“Are you free any time next week?” Willie asked, still holding onto Alex’s hand.

“I wish I could say yes, but probably not. And as much as I’d love to give you my number, it’s really not the best idea.”

“Well, I could give you mine,” Willie said.

Alex shot him a confused look. Holding up a finger, Willie dug into his backpack until he found his sketchbook and tore off the corner of a page, quickly scribbling one down and handing it to Alex.

“It’s actually the one for work,” he said. “But if it’s what we can do for now, I’ll do it. Kyle won’t care.”

Looking at it for a minute and then stashing it in his now-dry pocket, Alex took hold of Willie’s chin and went to kiss him again. It was really hard to stop, but they soon broke apart.

“I gotta go,” Alex murmured.

Willie only nodded, squeezing his hand before letting go and slipping his own into his pocket.

“I’ll call you.”

“Okay.”

“Goodnight.”

Once again heading up the short set of stairs to the sidewalk, Alex rubbed his lips together, relishing in the taste of what he and Willie had just done. He couldn’t imagine anything sweeter.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #fanfic #jatp fanfic #sunset curve #alive au #willex #willie #alex mercer #luke patterson #reggie peters #bobby wilson #julie molina #caleb covington #viva las vegas #with him #fiddlepickdouglas

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worryinglyinnocent · 3 years

Text

Fic: Haven (31/50)

Summary: They say Resembool is a haven, and they’re right. Lush pastures, quaint country town, farmers’ markets on Saturdays: a bucolic paradise.

But it’s more than that. Resembool is a haven for the runaways, the deserters, the people who don’t want to be found…

The Resembool community knows there’s something odd about Hohenheim, but they’re not going to let that stop them helping him out. This is Resembool after all, a place where no one has to hide and neighbours help neighbours, be they building a fence, chasing a sheep, or trying to save the country from an evil they inadvertently helped release centuries ago…

Or: A series of slices of life in an AU in which Hohenheim never leaves, and several broken state alchemists find hope and home in Resembool.

Rated: T

Haven

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [AO3]

Summary: Resembool’s resident alchemists hold an inaugural meeting.

Characters: Hohenheim, Roy, Alex Armstrong, Marcoh, Sherman (OC)

Ab’s honestly a bit surprised that it took them this long to all get together in one place. Well, that’s not strictly true. She, Tim, Alex and Roy have all been in the same place for quite a while, all of them ending up living together as a stopgap that they never really left.

But this is the first time that the four of them have all met up with Hohenheim and decided to pool their resources.

Over the time that they have been in Resembool, they have slowly been accepted into the village’s confidence and have learned about Hohenheim’s immortality and the circumstances that led to it. They’ve learned about what’s going on in the wider world of Amestris, a plan that’s been four hundred years in the making that Hohenheim and the rest of Resembool have spent the past few years trying to work against.

It had made Ab’s stomach turn when she had found out exactly what the war in Ishval was for, just another point of bloodshed on a larger map that’s been built up over so long. Even though she knows that there was nothing that any of them could have done to prevent it, that the powers that be are being manipulated by something far greater with practically limitless power and alchemic ability, it still makes her feel slightly sick. It makes her even more glad that the four of them managed to get out whilst they could. Tim is the one to take the news the hardest. He’s seen first hand the damage that Philosophers’ Stones can do in the wrong hands. He knows how they’re made; he’s performed the human sacrifice that goes into them. Knowing that they’re all at the potential heart of one is a sobering thought. Ab wants to warn the entire population but a mass exodus to Xing would be a bit too obvious.

Having been part of that bloodshed and carved the blood crest into the earth to create the point on the circle that encapsulates the country, Ab wants nothing more than to try and work against it now. When Alex had made the suggestion that the four of them join forces with Hohenheim as five heads are better than one, she had jumped at the notion.

Hohenheim was more reluctant. It’s a fight he’s been having alone for so long that accepting help with it does not come naturally. Not when the stakes involved are so high. But Hohenheim was the first person to really accept and befriend Ab when she first arrived, and she will repay that if she can. The entire Elric family has been so good to all of them, and it’s clear to Ab that it’s going to take more than one alchemist to do what they’re attempting to do, no matter how skilled Hohenheim is.

(She doesn’t want to think about how much knowledge he’s picked up over the centuries, the scope of it is mind-blowing and her brain can’t wrap itself around it.)

“Well,” Tim says, as they’re all sitting around the kitchen table with tea and Trisha’s carrot cake. “I have to say that this is definitely the strangest club I’ve ever been part of.”

“We need a name.” Roy gives a snort of laughter. “Alchemists Anonymous.”

“Roy…” Ab just shakes her head, but says nothing more. They need whatever humour they can get after everything that they’ve seen and everything that they’ve just been brought up to speed on.

“So… What’s the plan?” Alex asks. “Other than somehow finding a way to defeat Hohenheim’s strange evil twin?”

“Can we please not call him my evil twin?” Hohenheim sounds pained.

“I don’t think that there is much more to the plan than that,” Tim points out. “If we can do that, hopefully everything will be put to rights.”

It won’t, not really. Ab doesn’t think that anything will ever truly be put to rights considering that the very foundation of the country is built on a lie, puppeted by someone else pulling the strings right from the off, planning another Xerxes on a huge scale from the moment the original fell. But if they can get rid of the homunculus with no further bloodshed, then at least they have more of a chance of starting to right the wrongs of the past.

“For the last few years my research has primarily been focussed on preventing what happened in Xerxes from happening again,” Hohenheim begins. “Finding some method whereby I can stop the souls being taken in the first place, or, if it comes down to it, release them back to their bodies if the worst comes to the worst and they are taken. The problem is that everything comes down to a single point of failure.”

“You’ve got us now,” Alex says. “That’s four more points of failure.”

Hohenheim shakes his head. “It won’t be enough. If we’re all inside the circle when the time comes - and I find it hard to imagine that we won’t be - then we’ll be affected just the same as everyone else in the country unless we can pinpoint dead centre and make sure we’re there in order to activate whatever it is we need to activate. It’s got to be something that can work independently of me; of all of us.”

The group falls into silence. They’re into areas of alchemy that none of them have any kind of expertise in. Ab held her state licence for over twenty years and she never had any fear that her research wouldn’t be up to snuff whenever she presented for her annual review, the same goes for Tim, but even with two decades of involvement in the alchemical field, she’s never dealt with anything as theoretical as what they’re working with now.

“I’ve got it.”

Hohenheim rushes out of the room, leaving the other four looking at each other with confusion but a little bit of hope. He returns with a long scroll of paper that he unfurls over the table and begins to scour.

Tim leans in to take a look. “Erm, Hohenheim, I’m sure it’s great, but it’s in Xingese.”

“It’s a solar-lunar calendar.” Roy, half-Xingese and with a working knowledge if not fluency, suddenly sounds excited. “What are you looking for?”

“Total solar eclipses covering Amestris.” Hohenheim continues to scan the tightly packed text with Roy’s help. “The Xerxian Promised Day took place during an eclipse. I’m sure the Amestrian one will too.”

Ab, Tim and Alex all look at each other, helpless to assist.

It takes close to an hour of Roy and Hohenheim comparing solar and lunar positions and eliminating moon phases, but they find out when the next eclipse will be - a total solar eclipse that will envelop all of Amestris in its umbra.

An umbra creating a perfect circle that will move into place of its own accord, without any of them needing to draw it or put their hands to it in order to activate it.

Just like that, they have an end point, and they have a definitive goal that they can work towards, together.

Despite the somewhat poor taste, the name ‘Alchemists Anonymous’ sticks.

#FMA: Brotherhood #FMA Fanfiction #Van Hohenheim #Roy Mustang #Alchemists Anonymous is now a tag #Fic: Haven

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odd-birds-and-booksellers · 4 years

Note

I saw you re-blog criminal minds, can you do a Jolex inspired fic about 14x15????? I'd love to see the two mashed up

Somebody to Die For

In this AU, there were six interns, and Jo and Alex were best friends from the start like Mer and Cristina or Izzie and George, additionally, Paul was an attending at the hospital that Jo met and married in season 3, everything happens the same, he was abusive and she manages to divorce him around season 5. This is set in the season 6 finale during the shooting. Derek was shot in his office and Gary Clark finds April, Alex and Jo on the walkway and decides to play one last game.

Alex could feel the sweat dripping down his back, his heart thumping as he tried to quiet his breathing crouching down on the floor, the only thing keeping him together was the feel of her hand in his. He has to keep her safe. He hasn’t looked back at her yet, but he can hear her unsteady breaths from where she hid behind him.

“What's it gonna be?” The gunman yelled, waving the gun coward towards April. He could feel Jo jump beside him, a slight whimper leaving her lips and she squeezed his hand tighter. This morning they’d been rowing about some stupid bet, they’d totally ignored the lockdown notification, thinking it was just some stupid drill and now they were trapped along the walkway, praying for some sort of miracle. He wanted to reach out, wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay but they’re under strict orders to not move if they wanna make it out alive.

“Please. I don't want to do this.” April cries, her whole body shaking as she stands before the gunman, her tears flowing fast.

“Focus, April...Truth or Dare?”. He grins, holding the gun out, pressing his finger on and off the trigger like some sort of sick sadistic game. A grin appearing on his face as April screams, her eyes squeezing shut as she waits for a shot that never comes.

“Please.” She whimpers, holding her hands out as if they offered any protection.

The guy laughs, throwing his head back, mimicking April’s cowering form. “Doc, you got to decide. That's what you do, right? Decide life or death with a flick of your wrist.”

Suddenly Alex feels Jo’s hand loosen in his, and like a shot she passes him, her form a blur, grabbing the attention of the gunman. Alex tries to call out for her but his throat is dry. It's too late.

“Um, if April won't play, I will.” Jo trembles holding her hands up as the gunman spins around to face her, his fingering hovering over the trigger. “Truth or dare. That's your game, right?” She whispers, her eyes flicking to April who had crumbled into a heap on the floor, sobs wracking her body as she went. “I'll play.”

The gunman seems to consider her offer, pacing around looking between Jo and April sizing up his best chance at the game while Alex remains frozen on the floor, his feet glued down as he watches Jo, knowing at any second everything that matters to him could be gone.

“Ok. Doctor…”

“Wilson.” Jo gulps, her hands still raised as she hesitantly steps closer to him.

He raises his eyebrows at Jo, a sickly smiley appearing on his face. “Doctor Wilson. Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Jo answers instantly.

Slowly the gunman makes his way to where Jo is standing, circling her slowly. Jo can feel the heat of his breath against her neck as he talks. “If I think you're lying or stretching the truth in the slightest, I'll kill him.” He mutters raising his gun towards Alex, making Jo flinch as she glances over at him, her heart speeding up as her eyes meet Alex's.

Biting her lip, she slowly nods, trying to express how sorry she is to Alex with just a glance.

“Have you ever had a patient die before?”

“Yes, I have.” Jo grimaces, the colour drawing from her face as he circles her again.

“Was it your fault?” He mutters, coming around to stand before Jo, pocking her breast bone with the barrel of the gun, making Jo shiver.

“No.”

“Liar!” A gunshot rings out across the walkway, making April scream, Alex is up instantly heading towards Jo when the gunman turns his attention on him, another warning shot ringing out, stopping Alex in his tracks.

“No, no, no. I'm not lying. Ok, I'm not lying.” Jo screams, whipping around so she's standing directly in front of Alex holding up her hands, trying to control her rapid breathing as she stumbles over her answer. “The patients I’ve lost, I’ve made mistakes but I’ve always tried my hardest to give them the best care that’s the truth.”

Biting down on her lip, she can feel the blood beginning to seep through, as she stops herself from crying out. “Ok, you asked, and I told the truth, ok. I told you the truth. So now it's my turn. Right? That's how this game's played. We take turns. Truth or dare?”

The gunman pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering something under his breath as he paces back and forth. “Truth.”

“What's it gonna take for all of us to walk out of here alive, for this to end peacefully?”

“Someone to pay for my wife.” He yells, throwing his arms out, the gun smacking Jo straight in the head. She winces, squeezing her eyes shut, smelling the alcohol on his breath as he continues. “My turn. Truth or dare?”

Jo swallows, the hot tears rolling down her face, as she feels the gun press into her skin, the loud beating of her heart drowning out April’s cries and the faint sound of sirens outside. “Truth,” she whispers, letting out a sigh of relief as he lowers the gun to his side, taking a step back.

“I want you to say something you're afraid to say, something that you'd never tell anybody.” He spits, his eyes narrowing on Jo, cocking his head to the side as he analyses her, looking her body up and down in a way that makes vomit rise in Jo’s throat. “And you better make it good, 'cause if it's not, it's gonna be the last thing you ever say.”

Nodding Jo tries to focus as her vision blurs with tears while she tries to wrack her brain for something, anything that will get them out of this.

“So what's it gonna be?”

“There are only three people I trust in this world...”

“Boring.” He snaps, a gunshot flying by Jo’s ear, making Jo bite down hard on her lip again to stop herself from screaming, desperately trying to calm her breathing enough to talk, “Next!”

Jo whimpers, feeling completely hopeless as more tears burn her cheeks “When I was married before I was pregnant and I..”

“Boring.”

"No..No" Jo winces, bracing herself for another shot when she feels a warm hand against her back.

“Jo.” His voice sends tingles down her spine, offering her the tiniest moment of safety and hope.

Alex, her stupid fool of a best friend is now standing next to her.

“Shut up!” The gunman screams, coming forward he grabs Jo by her hair, ignoring the way she screams out in pain, as she claws at his hands, leaving Alex standing there powerless as he points the gun towards him. “Ok, ok, ok. Last chance. Something you would never say aloud, not even to your boy here. Your deepest, darkest secret. Impress me or I kill him. Come on!” He yells as Jo's knees buckle underneath her, falling to the floor, another shot of pain rippling through her as he holds her head up.

“Alex, um... Um... I've always loved you.” She whispers, looking up from her place on the floor, her eyes finding his, he's crying, his eyes red from the salty tears, his fists clenched tightly as he stares back at her. “And I was just too scared to say it before. And now things are just really too complicated to say it now. I'm sorry. But you should know.”

Jo can’t bear to look away as she shares her secret, watching the shock register in Alex’s eyes. She’d imagined this moment so many times, she should’ve told him intern year but she was too scared and then he’d been so mad at her for dating Paul and it had taken so long to rebuild their friendship that by the time they had got to place where she could tell him, he was marrying someone else, he was marrying Izzie, what could she do? She wasn't about to storm his wedding...not after she’d sat in the back of the church and listened to his vows.

“Hot damn.” The gunman chuckles, releasing Jo’s hair, bending down in front of her. “That's what I'm talking about. Now those are some last words right there. But not good enough to save your life.” He grins, lifting the gun up to her forehead.

It happens in a flash, a loud gunshot ringing across the walkway, Aprils screams echoing around as blood splattered across the floor…

#jolex #alex karev #jo karev #jo wilson #greys anatomy #greys abc #greys #greysanatony #justin chambers #camilla luddington #jolex fanfic #jolex fanfiction

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blaurascon-kzk · 4 years

Text

KZK Discord Digest [ Week of Nov 29 - Dec 5]

SUMMARY: Kat has made preorders for the last round of Elemental Kirins available as of a few days ago. This was to ensure that rent and utility bills were paid on time - as of yesterday, thanks to you all, everything is covered! We don't intend to make preorders a regular thing going forward; Kat was in a bind for this and it was necessary. Check out below for more renders & previews! Speaking of previews -- I will not be syncing the teasers and WIPs channel to this tumblr. If you want to catch more early sneak peeks at stuff, I highly recommend joining the Discord. Links are in my profile on SL.

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Nov 29

KatLast Friday at 4:30 PM @everyone I hope you all hade a good Thanksgiving, and for those of you who dont celebrate the systematic destruction of indigenous peoples and rampant capitalism, I hope you had a good thursday.

In all seriousness, and in the intended spirit of Thanksgiving, I wanted to say again how utterly thankful I am to have the honor and pleasure of helming a community of incredible people. Whether its greeting newcomers with open arms, or encouraging oldtimers to keep pushing forward, you've all been a huge inspiration to me to keep doing what I do and you've all been so kind and supportive to me as well through some of the worst parts of my life. I only wish I was better equipped to do the same for yours.

So while you recover from your turkey induced comas, please remember to tip your service staff, hug your pets, drink water, and call your folks, mk?

I love you all, and a happy(slightly delayed) Thanksgiving from kat, april and alex(my cat <3)

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Nov 30

KatLast Saturday at 12:52 PM @everyone So, today I'll be taking an action that to some, might rub them the wrong way. In a few hours, I plan to make preorders for the Aeterna, Teknika, and Ragnarok available.

I don't like doing this when I've got nothing to show inworld, but I'm backed into a corner. My rent is due tomorrow(1350$), and my electric bill and storage bills are also due but I've got about 350$ to my name.

IMPORTANT: These preorders will be purely voluntary and optional. If you are NOT comfortable preordering an avatar, sight unseen, PLEASE do not feel like you're obligated to do so, especially if you're concerned you might be disappointed by its quality or that it doesn't meet your expectations. This also applies to people who are also struggling financially--Please take care of your own personal finances first, I'll manage.

Like the previous elementals, they'll be 1000L$, with the exception of the Teknika which will be 1200L$ because of the extra work that had to go into it. Remember that these elementals lack a lot of the major features of their primary avatar, but make up for it in uncommon, high quality parts great for wearing out of the box, or taking that special avatar to the next level as a mod.

This will NOT be a routine--I do NOT feel good about doing this, but I'm reaching the end of my rope. I'd hoped to have these done far sooner, but my desire for quality means the standards I've created these assets to is a trade off for time.(I'd hope to have these done by the 22nd. I know, right?)

For those willing and able to help out by preordering, thank you. And to those of you who'd like to wait, I respect and appreciate that as well--Your trust in me is one of the most important things to me.

More details coming later today. @everyone Should also mention that Nova preorders won't be available until I've made more progress on that avatar. At the moment, its so early in creation that no one can draw a clear conclusion of what to expect and even that's a bit too much to me.

PATREON SUBSCRIBERS: I will be suspending December billing cycle. I'd hoped to be done with these kirins soon enough to get everything ready to ship for December, but that just wasn't in the cards, despite pulling back to back 18 hour days. ALSO, I may have to pay out the ~600 USD sitting in that account, to help cover rent, if I can't work some kind of miracle with the Kirins. I ALSO do not feel good about this, but Eight months of fighting, planning, sleepless nights, and emotional breakdowns went into getting this place... I'm terrified of losing it.

I'm terrified of failing and going back to Louisiana. I'm terrified of losing my best chance at freedom and happiness in the last ten years.

KatLast Saturday at 7:53 PM @everyone It is with.. gritted teeth that I say this, but the Kirin preorders for the Ragnarok, Aeterna, and Teknika are now available in the main store.

I know the last several years have been a constant barrage of me constantly asking for everyone's patience and forgiveness, so if you decide that you'd rather wait for the final release, I understand and respect your decision.

But if you're willing to, any support you can offer is deeply appreciated. Just because I've put them up for presale doesn't mean I'm not working on them. Once I confirm there's no major hangups with the vendor, I will return to my work to get the Nova into a presentable state and work as quickly as I can to release the final 4 kirins in finished, working order, as soon as I can.

I look forward to the day where I no longer have to make these kinds of posts.

KatLast Saturday at 8:24 PM @everyone Also, here's another look at the RAGNAROK, rendered in marmoset (Skin color will be black and a dark reddish purple color palette)

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Dec 1

KatLast Sunday at 4:13 AM @everyone The nova, oddly enough, has been one of the hardest ones to design, but as I fiddle with colors and options, I find myself approaching a look I can be pleased with. Here's a teaser of the mask that the Nova will have:

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Dec 2

KatLast Monday at 2:06 PM @everyone This morning I awoke to find I'm within 20kL of meeting my goal, and when combined with what I've got in Paypal, I will be able to make all my bills this month, by end of day.

This new chapter in my life hasn't been the easiest, but when compared to people who will spend christmas in the back seat of their car, I still count myself extremely lucky. Had I the means to get them out of the cold, I'd so so in a heartbeat--passing on the kindness and generosity shown to me by you all.

I've talked alot about my mental state. I've struggled with burnout and depression for years, always retracing the same old problems and never finding a solution that worked.

Since finally getting a place to live, I find myself flourishing creatively, and emotionally. My motivation is returning to me, one day at a time, and each day it gets easier to smile.

I have all of you to thank for this. I couldn't have done it without you.

Going forward, I intend to put this newfound energy to good use and channel it into productivity--Addressing the long overdue Direwolf Update, the preorder skins and bonus plush set, and finalizing the updates to the devkit to make it free to download.

I know its just words now, but I am nothing if not motivated to keep up the pace. Eviction is scary. I finally got someplace where I can be happy and I'm terrified of losing it and going back to Louisiana. I truly love it here, so I promise I will do my best to avoid that, and to do right by you guys.

Here's to the future. :beers:

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Dec 3

KatLast Tuesday at 3:17 AM @everyone As of this moment, I met my goal! Thanks to some very generous last minute contributions from some friends, I was able to raise all of the money necessary to pay rent. Some of that was loaned, some was given as gifts, but regardless, I am deeply grateful.

Keeping my gaze forward and my hopes high. Thank you all. I don't deserve you all ;3;

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Dec 4

KatYesterday at 12:01 AM @everyone Because I decided that the Nova had to be covered in intricately carved lines, it took me a couple days to get everything sculpted, shaded, and composited, but here's a preview of the Nova! The black areas will be invisible/use the base kirin textures (recolored to match the Nova's palette). And there'll be a purple orb hovering between the two points on the tail.

KatYesterday at 3:08 PM @everyone Hey folks, sorrya bout that bit of spam earlier. When adding new roles and shifting channels around, some permissions got forgotten/messed up, allowing a spammer to slip through. They've since been banned indefinitely, and the loophole patched. We now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense. :heart:

KatYesterday at 6:40 PM @everyone so thanks to everyone's incredible support, rent is paid and all my Bill's are covered for the next month.

With exception that I might have lost my replacement birth cert so I get to have fun going thru all my belongings to find that...

Either way, full steam ahead!! <3

#kzk-dd #kzk

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alhexedander-blog · 7 years

Text

100

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it? Emre and yes. 2. Are you artistic? Yes. 3. Have you had your first kiss? Yes. 4. What is your life goal? To make movies. 5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person? Yes. But some aren’t particularly interesting and others are very negative and I don’t care to name drop or regale. 6. Do you play any sports? Yeah. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and while it’s not a sport, rather a military system I have started Escrima. 7. What’s your worst fear? I can’t imagine and even if I could I don’t think it would be wise to release it on social media for all to see. 8. Who’s your biggest inspiration? Jackie Chan. 9. Do you have any cool talents? I can draw. 10. are you a morning person? No. 11. How do you feel about pet names? Indifferent. 12. Do you like to read? Yes. 13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life. Perhaps Friends, it made me think about having a social life. I’ve always been a workaholic and after a while I considered maybe dedicating more time to my friends. 14. Do you care about your follower count? Not even a little tbh. I follow who I find interesting and I am grateful that I have so many people that are interested in my content and follow me. But, followers mean very little to me. I have blogs other than this one and there are about 4 followers on one of the ones I am very active on. It’s not about the followers for me. It’s just like an online scrapbook. That’s also why I make new ones, it’s kind of like getting a fresh scrapbook to distract me from my big one haha. 15. What’s the best dream you’ve had? Ah, who knows. I’ve been blessed with many pleasant experiences and therefore pleasant dreams. 16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? Yup. 17. Do you have any pets? My parents have a cat named Lucky. One day I would like to have a Siberian Husky. 18. Are you religious? I am very spiritual but religious, no. I was raised muslim but I converted to buddhism as a child. However, my mum continued to teach me muslim values. Still, I believe her to be an example of a good muslim. She never said that I couldn’t be a buddhist. She believed I would pick up good values from it so she allowed it. As I grew older I looked to science more. I do not believe in a lot of buddhist beliefs such as reincarnation. However, I do believe in the concept of improving mind of matter, inner-peace and connectivity with the world around you through meditation. 19. Are you a people person? There are instances when I have been. But, for the most part I would say no. I can be quite difficult to like at first as I’m a little rough around the edges. It’s just who I am. I was actually raised in a home that has a decent amount of money. Just, as I took to the arts I saw swearing as a means of expression, so I began to swear frequently. I was curious about my military heritage, so I began martial arts. I have been told by quite a few that it took them a while to warm up to me. I feel like it could also be a cultural thing. Being half-Turkish I am very expressive and passionate when I talk at times and it might come across as a bit much or aggressive to someone who isn’t used to me, so I’m trying to improve on that haha. 20. Are you considered popular? Despite all that I just said, yes. I have many friends. I am a nice person, I play big-brother to everyone. I’m just difficult to warm to. 21. What is one of your bad habits? I swear like a sailor. 22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable? Ohh. Not much these days. I used to feel very vulnerable if I cried. But these days I’ve recognised that it’s actually just a very healthy form of catharsis. It allows for the relief of stress and since I’ve become more secure about crying and expressing emotion I’ve actually become far more secure in my masculinity and the fragility of my ego has drastically improved. 23. What would you name your children? I have no idea. Not sure I want kids. 24. Who’s your celebrity crush? Where to start? Aly Raisman, Jay Park, Daniel Dae Kim and Ariana Grande. 25. What’s your best subject? Filmmaking, art and sport. 26. Dogs or cats? Both! I’m not deciding. 27. Most used social media besides tumblr? Twitter. 28. Best friend(s) name(s)? Kirsten, Alex, Jay, Lizzie, Sarah, Katie and Emin. 29. who does your main family consist of Myself, Emily, Ezgi, Ata and Emin and Lynsey. 30. Chocolate or sugar? Chocolate. 31. Have you ever been on a date? Yeah haha. 32. Do you like rollercosters? Once I’m on them yes. 33. Can you swim? Yeah. 34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse? Depends what kind. My brother and I are super well prepared for a zombie apocalypse. We are gonna collect a stockpile of weapons and head into the water cos zombies can’t swim. We will fish for food and in the event we get stranded there will be camping gear including a makeshift electric fence to keep zombies away. 35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder Yeah. Bipolar Disorder. 36. Are your parents together? Yeah. 37. What’s your favourite colour? Blue. 38. What country are you from/do you live in? London, England. 39. Favourite singer? Loads. I love Jay Park and Panic! At the Disco. 40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? Perhaps but I don’t really want it so meh. 41. Do you like dresses? On girls yeah. 42. Favourite song right now? This is Gospel. 43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope. 44. How old were you when you first got your period? I’m not a girl. 45. Have you ever shot a gun? I wanna. 46. Have you ever done yoga? Yeah. 47. Are you a horror girl? Totes. 48. Are you good at giving advice? Sometimes. 49. Tell us a story about your childhood: I used to do stuff like forge sick notes from my dad and I am dead-ass serious when I say that there was like five spelling mistakes per note but somehow I managed to forge his signature exactly the same way and it’s something that’s baffled all of us to this day. 50. How are you doing today? Good. 51. Were you a cute kid? Yeah I guess. 52. Can you dance? No. 53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing? Basically every time I’m drunk. 54. Have you ever dyed your hair? Loads of times. 55. What colour are your eyes? Green. 56. What’s your favourite animal? Dogs. 57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? Every single time I’m drunk haha. 58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Meh. 59. Do you have good friends? Yeah. 60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? Yeah. 61. What’s your favourite class? Film & TV. 62. List all the TV shows you are watching: Doctor Who, Prison Break, OPM, Rick and Morty and American Dad. 63. Are you organised? Yeah. 64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? Assassin’s Creed. Shit. 67. Which TV character do you relate to most? Maybe Zuko. 68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness? Nothing. 69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing? What I’m doing now. 70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? Nothing. Live hard. 71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? Nothing. 72. If you could start over, what would you do differently? Yeah. 73. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yeah. 74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new? A year ago. 75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind? My heavy bag. 76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today? I edited my screenplay and enrolled in a world-class Escrima academy. 77. What did you want to be when you were a kid? An artist. 78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking? Nothing really, that’s what I’m doing. 79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have? These kids were bullying another kid and I knew in my heart I should have stopped them but I didn’t and I kicked myself for the longest time. 80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence: become a filmmaker. 81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like? How I’m living. 82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity? Trying to be as happy as possible. Learning to meditate and enjoy life. 83. How would you spend a billion dollars? I’d buy a flat and travel/live comfortably for the entirety of my life. 84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? Past. 85. What motivates you to succeed? Art. 86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? I was a hit-man on a boat and killed everyone including my family. It has me shook to do this day. 87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? Woods. Because it sounds like an adventure. 88. Do you believe in life after death? No. 89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? School has been a prison to me and I long to escape. 90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? I have many. Living in the mountainsides in Turkey strikes a fond chord. 91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why? Bruce Lee. I’d want to pick his mind. 92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? World peace. 93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? People don’t hand you shit you have to go out and take it and you have to be willing to literally bleed for it. 94. What do you think happens after we die? We decompose and reunite with the earth. 95. What would you do if you would be invisible? Girls’ locker room. 96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try? Beastiality. 97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? Yes. Playing God FTW. 98. How did your first crush develop? Basically we were bffls in Primary School and I got a crush on her and she got a crush on me. 99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? Depression. Well, I’m not depressed now. But after certain events a little while ago I tried to take my life. Since then I’ve pretty much just lived my life in the way that makes me that happiest. 100. Do you live or do you just exist? I live.

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atasteofchocolates · 4 years

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Update

30/03/2020

Today would have been 3 years together. I got the date wrong thinking it was the 29... but I guess I don’t need to remember it anymore.

Sadly, I psyched myself up yesterday thinking it was that day. I am proud of myself though. I did a bit of a work out, however couldn’t do much due to my lack of energy. I showered, did my make up wore clothes that were not just slouchy. I changed my room round so now it looks a lot bigger, and more a room for one person then two. I pushed my bed against the wall so it can’t be accessed from both sides. I also put my side tables in the garage and took out the one big side table I had from dads old house and I use that now instead. I hated walking into my room and it still felt like ‘our room’ ‘his side, his side draws’ were there every time I walked in. I could see his side of the bed was untouched and his side draws empty, so I got ride of it. I brought my book case back in and put it at the end of the bed with my TV and play-station and cleaned my draws they were on and instead laid out my makeup and perfumes there. I want to eventually lower my mirrors so I can use them there. I found an old picture of me and mark which ive put there too. I was telling mum I feel sad because where Blake and I had so many ornaments and picture frames, I got rid of all of mine I had before him. Now it feels empty. She offered for me to go on amazon and buy some new ones but I declined. It wouldn’t make me feel any better. The box I filled with the gifts he bought me and the birthday cards we sent to each other along with some pictures Ive put in a box in the garage, I can decide what I want to do with it when I’m over all this. But I threw out the box I was going to give back to him with his cap, cologne and his NI number as I’m done holding it for him when he clearly isn’t going to man up and talk to me like an adult. I also threw out his jumpers which was the hardest part. This one jumper it was Black with white writing, I wore it all the time when we were long distance, It was my jumper I would cuddle at night in place of him. I hesitated when letting go of it. But I knew every time I look at it I feel sad. I cried when I got rid of it. But it was something I had to do. I felt like I should have given it back to him, but I tried messaging on my old Facebook asking if we can not be enemies an clear the air and he just blocked me on there too. So it all had to go in the bin.

I have been struggling though, with all this time to think I have gone back to near what I was when this first happened. I struggle to eat, I feel like I have no energy to do anything, my mind is always active about him and what could have gone different. Even though I know he is who he is and I couldn’t change him. Mell has been a massive help though (His step mum) I don’t message her as much as I used to get really anxious, she wouldn’t do it on purpose but sometimes shed give me updates on Blake and I never wanted to know how well he was doing. But she always apologies for what he did to me. Even his dad has. She checks up on me, lets me rant to her. And it’s nice to talk to someone who knows Blake for who he is. She knows how frustrating it is that he always lands on his feet. The whole side of the family do. She gets sad because now he makes no effort with the kids yet on social media claims he is this amazing big brother who misses them so much, yet can’t find time to call them in over a month. I expressed my concern with them getting to close to Blake. He is no role model for Tristan, and he will just disappoint the kids when he only uses them when its of benefit to him. Mell mentioned shes always kept the kids at a distance but let her guard down when he moved to England with me thinking he’d changed however now realizes he hasn't at all and it was all me. She is going to distance them again. She said Alex his dad gave up on him years ago, it is her who keeps them all together.

Corona Virus is getting worse, we have over 1,000 deaths in the UK now. Every time I ache from anxiety, or get a sore throat or even cough I get paranoid. It’s annoying because I can’t even get food I want in order to make myself eat as I am always worried about spending too much of mums money or she has to go alone as now they aren’t letting more then on person in from a household. Therefore I can’t tell her what I want as I don’t really know whats there.

In a strange way this all feels normal to me, the thing throwing me off is blake not being here because since Christmas I have been home alone most days and my friends aka Luke, Charles and Syd don’t really message much and never call. It feels the same. But it’s hard, Syd is on twitter all the time saying how she is always skyping her friends yet she can’t even reply to my messages. The only people I have face-timed have been dad and mark. The lack of physical tough is getting to me. I am the type of person that loves to me cuddled all the time, but from a romantic partner. And I got used to that everyday, so now it is getting to me. To be honest sometimes I think thats why I’ve been so down and crying so much is because i’ve gone nearly two months without a cuddle.

Today I feel weak, I feel like I have no energy, and I feel like I don’t want to do anything. But after this i am going to get up, get half dressed and try and organise my bathroom. I am hoping it might make me feel better. And if I feel any stronger this afternoon I might do my work out as it is something I want to keep up.

Its frustrating because I have things I can do. Disney Plus have every movie I’ve ever loved, every TV show I could ever want. There is season 6 of Brooklyn 99 to watch. I have 5 books I can read, I can edit or even update my book on wattpad. But I don’t feel like doing any of it. Instead I just re watch old youtube videos I’ve seen so many times and scroll endlessly!

This was a long update...

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massthetics-blog · 7 years

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New Post has been published on MASSthetics

New Post has been published on http://massthetics.net/final-latte/

How I Slung My Final Latte, Built An Online Business, And Travelled The World

You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to be able to hit publish on an article to this effect.

Exactly 368 days I ago, I took a massive leap of faith, slung my final, perfectly poured latte at Starbucks, held a ceremony for my green apron, and dove into the world of building a self-sustaining business that would grant me the freedom to do whatever the fuck I want, when I want.

Because in my world, freedom is the value that drives me to do what I do.

368 days removed from serving that final, perfect latte, I’ve been quite literally making everything up as I go. Somehow, things are rolling along smoothly (for the most part), and my business has been consistently growing across every key metric month after month.

It may be a slow climb, but it’s a steady, upward climb nonetheless. I can’t ask for much more than that.

Without dragging this post into an essay of big wins from the past year, I’ve put together this gorgeous, chronological infographic to summarize the key events, and biggest wins.

Not included in the above are smaller, but equally as satisfying trips to LA, Austin (twice), and New York City.

To say it’s been quite the year would be a massive understatement. If I was the type to take a moment to sit back and revel in what’s been built thus far, there’s a lot to celebrate. For better or for worse though, that ain’t me. While I’m proud of all that I’ve accomplished over the past year, constantly looking forward is what got me here, so continuing to look forward is exactly what I’m doing.

With a few hefty investments made into growing MASSthetics over the past few weeks, I cannot wait to see what the coming months bring.

With that being said, I want to draw your attention to the weeks and months that passed in silence between each exciting moment. It’s during those down times were I’d sit at my computer for hours on end, turning down invitations, and questioning whether or not what I was pouring my heart and soul into was ever going to pay off.

Those are the chunks of time that will make you want to say “fuck it,” and throw in the towel.

As cliche as it is, I find it amusing to have fought tooth and nail to be able to quit a job where I worked 40 hours per week, and trade in a stable paycheque to work for what was easily at least 70 hours per week, with no guarantee of any reward.

Such is the life of working towards something big, bold, and beautiful.

The writing of this marks the realization of a dream I’ve had since I was a freshly minted 19 year old. # That dream? # To travel. To experience new cultures. To dive into new environments. To taste new foods (of course). All while still earning an income and doing that which brings myself, and others value. # It hasn’t been an easy road getting here. Months of my life were spent working at Starbucks – a job that didn’t mesh with my values or goals in the slightest – and trying to figure out what the hell I was chasing. # I’ve lost friendships and turned down opportunities for new ones. And on the flip side, I've forged incredible new relationships with people dotted around the globe. # The relationship I was in for over 2 years was stretched, pushed, and tested one too many times. Because, to quote one of my favourite writers, Mark Manson: # "Love isn’t always enough." # And that's okay. Because, it was an incredible experience, and I was able to learn a thing or two about a thing or two. # Building MASSthetics has been a labour of love, a mentally exhausting passion project, and the focus of all my goddamn life-force rolled into one. # I’ve reached a point where I’m ready to take the plunge. To see if I can live up to the dream I've pictured so clearly, for so long. # I sold, passed on or parted ways with 90% of my belongings, my flights are booked and I’m en-route to stop number one. New York City. Which, seems like the most fitting city in the world in which to begin this journey. # The coming months are sure to be an adventure. I still have a business to build and take to new heights. I still have Nationals next July to improve for. I still have items to check off the list. # To those who have supported me, helped me grow, and allowed me the opportunity to chase what I’ve dreamt of, I cannot thank you enough. # You know who you are. # I cannot thank any of you enough for the support, encouragement and guidance. # If there's one if there's one thing I'd love for you to take away from this. It's that you you truly are capable of whatever you envision.

A post shared by MASSthetics l Alex Mullan (@alexmullan13) on Oct 6, 2016 at 11:41am PDT

The six actions responsible for the past year (and how you can replicate them)

I may only have a year of experience with this whole business thing under my belt and while MASSthetics is relatively small, the concept has been proven, and I’ve learned countless things (from people much smarter than I) about building a successful business that I want to share with you.

What you do with these bits of advice is up to you, but I’ve harvested the majority of my fruits off the back of doing what follows. It stands to reason that you can to, if you’ve got the balls to saddle up and go for it.

Here goes.

1. You must differentiate yourself from the rest of your market.

The online fitness industry is one hell of a crowded market.

Every overworked personal trainer and their slowly dying cactus (no? was that just me?) wants to capture the vision of trading in 5am starts, dead afternoons, and 9pm finishes six days a week for being able to help people change their life, and transform their body from the relative comfort of their laptop.

Turns out cacti don’t thrive off of being watered with coffee, or fed creatine and cinnamon.

While it’s much, much easier said than done, the tantalizing possibility of doing so has spawned exponential growth of the online industry, and trainer after trainer to throw up a website and offer online coaching.

Knowing that, as well as understanding the basic principle of needing to have a USP (unique selling point) to build a successful business, I poured a ton of time and energy into finding *my* own angle.

Which I’ve certainly found within the halls of MASSthetics, and by speaking to people who want to get jacked, shredded, tanned, and are fed to the gills with spending hours in the gym, only to see no results.

If you don’t inject your personality into everything you put out into the world, speak to a specific sect of people, or stand by your guns, your business will go down in flames.

Precisely as Alex Mullan Fitness Systems did after a lacklustre 7 months of imperceptible existence (a tale for another day).

2. Talk to your clan (or whatever you want to call your following) every single day.

If there’s one lesson in particular that I wish to impart after one year of being entirely self-sustained by the internet, it’s that the growth of your business and the impact you have on others is a by-product of the relationships you build.

Whether those relationships are with your paying clients, new email subscribers, or peers in your industry, it rings true for all.

Making a concentrated effort to bond and connect with your potential customers is a surefire way to bring people into your circle, build trust, make sales, and grow a business.

I love writing, and that makes email marketing not only powerful tool for me, but one that I genuinely enjoy using. It allows me to talk to people who like what I have to say every single day, and build a deeper bond with each passing email.

Now, imagine what would happen if you applied that same principle to other areas of your life…

3. You must be a consistent, stubborn motherfucker.

People won’t come into your world if you don’t do anything to attract them.

When I first thew MASSthetics out into the depths of the internet, I made a commitment to myself that I would publish two new pieces of content every single week for the first year, no matter what.

I knew from day one that this was an ambitious target, and that I’d reap the rewards if I could pull it off. The first three months of this commitment were by far the hardest, as I was still working at Starbucks 40 hours per week (usually getting up at 330am to open the place), and decided to throw contest prep on top of it all.

Nearly every night I’d be up until 11pm, putting the final touches on articles so that they’d be ready for my content release days of Tuesday and Thursday. Yes, I bought into the narrative of sacrificing sleep over all else, and I did pay a price for it.

4. “Content is the vehicle that will drive your business forward.”

Poignant quote courtesy of friend, wordsmith, and biz wizard, John Romaniello.

Way back in the way back when I threw Alex Mullan Fitness Systems out into the wild world of the internet, I was foolishly operating under the impression that if I had a website and offered coaching, the clients would come. I had no traffic, no email list, no clients, and no strategy to fix any of the above.

This time around, the story couldn’t be more the opposite.

Having your content published on popular websites where you know your ideal clients hang out is a powerful way to establish yourself as an expert, drive traffic back to your site, and capture emails from which you can build a relationship with people.

For me, choosing the sites I wanted to be published on was easy. Knowing that I wanted to work with guys and girls who enjoy training, and the thought of building an impressive physique, I set my sights on the all the sites I read when I was first falling in love with bodybuilding.

T-Nation, Roman Fitness Systems, JMax Fitness, Bodybuilding.com, EliteFTS, and soon to be the membership site of my bodybuilding coach, The Muscle Bank (quite proud of this one).

One by one, I did whatever needed doing to ensure I had multiple posts published on each site.

Guess what?

It worked.

My email list grew organically, my traffic rose each month, credibility soared, and life rolled onward.

5. Put your business on a pedestal.

Knowing what you want to accomplish, baring your teeth, and not letting anything stand in your way is something you’re going to have to come to turns with.

I sacrificed date night with my then-girlfriend (imagine that), I rarely watched movies or TV, I turned down invitations to be a normal human and socialize, I stopped buying new clothes or things I knew I didn’t need, and re-invested every spare coin back into MASSthetics. All I kept for myself was enough for food, a couple supplements, rent, zero calorie vitamin water, and a little weed.

I fucking hate this quote, but it speaketh the truth.

“You have to do what others won’t, so you can live like others can’t.”

Nonetheless, having a clear, defined mission, and putting that sucker on a pedestal is one of the most powerful things you can do. No matter what you’re trying to achieve. Because being clear and confident on what you’re working towards will help guide every decision you make, and keep you focused when you’d rather throw your laptop into traffic.

5.5. Until you’re genuinely comfortable with the health of your business and your income, you need to keep investing back into your business (if you want it to keep progressing).

Some people set personal rewards for when they make a sale, land a big win, or hit a new income threshold.

Much of what I’ve achieved over the past year has come from not rewarding myself when there was an influx of cash, but from rewarding MASSthetics. By that I mean that whenever I had cash that I didn’t need for the essentials above, I would find a course, mentor, coach, or product related to an area of the business I wanted to improve, and do just that.

Courses on Facebook advertising, copywriting, determining and launching offers, books, consults with entrepreneurs several leagues above me, and most recently a coach to improve my writing as a whole (in celebration of being free from Starbucks for one year), and fine-tune my systems. Those have been the rewards for pushing this thing forward, not fancy shit (that’ll come in a few years 😉 )

6. Get every single client you work with the results they came for.

You can’t build a service-based business on the back of shitty and/or no results.

Meaning that every single client I worked with got my full attention (rightfully so), and I did everything in my power to support them, and ensure they get the results they came looking for.

Fast forward a year, and carrying that mentality into every coaching relationship that begins with someone new has had a profound impact on my top line, and the life of those who come through the MASSthetics Coaching Program.

The three most powerful business lessons learned in the past 12 months

If I had a gun to my head and was told to boil everything I’ve learned and experienced over the past year down to three thoughts that you can carry forward, the following would be it.

#1. Show up every single day, and stick to your word.

If you say you’re going to publish one new article each week, post on social media each day, and talk to your list daily, you better be prepared to do it, no matter what life throws at you.

Not for a couple weeks, not for a month, but day in and day out until such a time where that strategy makes less sense.

#2. People need to want what you’re offering.

The fact that you think something is a great idea, product, or service doesn’t mean that others will. You are not your market, and your market has the final say on what they want, what they buy, and at the end of the day, the livelihood of your business.

#3. Know what you’re trying to achieve, and make sure that all your actions align with that vision

To get a little woo-woo on you, you need to have clarity on your vision. If you don’t know what you’re trying to build or achieve, your actions will be all over the place, and your piss-poor results will reflect that.

This is one of my favourite spots in my hometown. Coming here in the mornings with a cup of coffee to listen to the waves, think, and enjoy the scenery, is something I deeply enjoy. # Alas, this morning was the last time I'll be coming here for a long while. Let it be told that I will not return here–no matter what–until I've doubled MASSthetics, and brought a coach into the ring with me. # Because goals, intentions, world domination, and all that crap. #thethickening #roadtonationals #thewanderingmeathead

A post shared by MASSthetics l Alex Mullan (@alexmullan13) on Apr 2, 2017 at 9:47am PDT

The final reps

At the end of the day, this piece isn’t meant to impress you.

It’s meant to show you that if building a business is something you’ve been entertaining:

1. Doing so has the potential to completely transform your life.

2. You better be damn well prepared to put in more work than you ever have.

3. By the sweat-soaked gym Gods presiding over us all, it’s damn well worth it.

And so it is.

PS. 4 out of 5 lifters will let their rationalization hamster run wild. Convincing themselves they’re making progress…yet you build no muscle, and burn no fat. The 5th lifter joined the MASSthetics Clan and put the information within the (free) Hypertrophy Handbook to good use. He no longer has to rationalize his progress. He simply is. Click here to become the 5th lifter, and let me know where to send the prestigious Hypertrophy Handbook.

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underthesetrees · 7 years

Text

A Story of the Greatest Love I’ve Ever Known

Fore Word:

I struggle to share this story simply because, in every way, it is mine. I know that many women [and families] have faced this or something similar and while I empathize and relate, I still argue that my grief is different; it is raw and it is disheartening. Maybe even if not true.

Yes, I understand we all face something extraordinarily incapacitating through our lives, maybe more than once. I once overheard a man telling his son, “Life is not kind. It will either make you wish you were dead, or it will kill you.” From where I write, nothing seems more truthful or sincere. In that way, we are not unique -- it is all relative. This world is vast and my small blips of heart break do not measure on any significant scale. Does that mean I should be thankful it isn’t worse? Does that mean that because I’m young and have many years ahead to “try again” that I should be happy right now?

I digress. I arrived at the conclusion that if I decided to write and publish my story for others to read, I would take a simple approach: sharing this for the purpose of healing and also sharing this without regard to the thoughts and feelings of others, because while I don’t mean to sound harsh, no one reading will ever be able to place this feeling--not unless you’ve been here. I pray you never know.

So, I’m writing this, I suppose, because it is a milestone in my life and one I now hold closest and dearest to me. I hope that whatever you decide to take from this, it’s not in the specifics of “what,” but in the idea of love and strength.

Lastly, I pray that my words find you well and in good spirits. Know that, while it took me awhile, I’m finally out of the storm and have not cried in a couple of weeks. If anything should trigger water-works, it will be writing this. Still, many positive thoughts for you and your family.

xo - Sonya

This is a proclamation to the love I never knew I had. It is my greatest blessing of all.

I should start by saying I hadn’t announced his coming because it was a very personal matter for Alex and I. We discussed it in length and decided, together, that we wouldn’t post on social media but instead call/text our closest friends and family.

As a bit of background:

Alex and I have been together roughly 6-7 years now. Even so, we’re very different when it comes to traditional relationships. We have a lot of trust in one another and I think we both value our independence and self-identity in more ways than I can say. Maybe that’s why we’ve never really felt pressured to get married or have children.

Still, in late July 2016, I ended up with a damn positive pee stick. Yes, it happened by chance against the greatest of odds (99.9% to be exact because, yes, I had an IUD) and I shit myself that day because WHAT THE HELL?! I’m supposed to grow a human and raise it now? Naturally, I immediately thought about the alternatives. Before you start getting all judgmental, refer to my above proclamation. This story is not for you! Yes, I considered an abortion. I’m 26 years old with a great career and in committed relationship and I didn’t feel ready. Hey, I even was responsible and on birth control.... and I’m about to make this post political, so I’ll stop.

Anyway, obviously, we had a long talk and Alex being the chipper, happy-go-lucky, positive specimen that he is made me feel a million times better about my end decision. We would follow through and accept this miracle.

As time passed I learned to fear it, accept it, appreciate it and then, cherish it. It probably took me longer than most, but I got there. I had my family’s unwavering support and love. It wasn’t easy getting used to the idea of becoming a mama, but eventually I found myself sincerely ecstatic of all to come.

After we learned about our pregnancy...

We prepared. A friend of ours gave us a few books on pregnancy that we dissected in the first day. What I mean by that is we sat around our living room gawking and laughing at the awareness of pregnancy and childbirth. I have a good question: who in the hell creates those diagrams in these books? They’re incredibly detailed for such a small cartoon. Too weird. I watch birthing videos on YouTube, because I knew I was going to need to prepare for that MONTHS in advance... y’all no amount of preparation will make you prepared for squeezing a child out of your vagina. NONE. Alex learned some birthing yoga poses, which resulted in a new game we played called, “Do you even fucking trust me?” I wish I had the time to describe that one to you. ;)

Alex bought the entire box set of Harry Potter (mine are torn to shreds) and all of the Dr. Seuss books. We’d agreed early on to be strong advocates of reading and steer clear of technological distractions. We decided on a gender neutral room because DESTROY GENDER ROLES! Again, these were our methods and our choices. It was a journey exploring these topics together and figuring out what styles we would embody.

We went a little fucking nuts, but it was fun. Every day that passed we smiled more. We talked more to my swelling belly and about our futures together. We knew that planning didn’t mean we were going to get everything right, but we were -- by all intents and purposes -- out of our element. We were just having fun with the process.

We found out it was a boy...

When we found it was a boy, I began writing him letters. I tend to joke around too much when speaking aloud, but when I write, it’s my soul on paper. I wanted my son to know what I was thinking in those early days. I wanted to be open about my fears and reservations, because I still had so many.

I told my son about my good friend Jack who passed away in July. I told my son about the heartaches that this world would surely present him, but that in the end, he’d be strong enough for it. I was positive of that.

My world started to change drastically. When I felt my little boy kick inside me for the first time, I became a mom. I knew I’d be me through and through, but there was this whole other part of me that I never recognized, never known. The wandering, introvert with a penchant for disappearing, the writer, the goal-setting go-getter, the serious worker was there--but I had this passion to be less serious, more of me ... if only, unapologetically. If I was to show my son the way through, I had to know myself in all forms and smile all the while. At 26, it’s hard to say whether that’s possible.

I think through everything, we stayed true to ourselves though. We became better partners to one another, as well. Alex was there to pick me up when I was riddled with self-doubt and he always found a way to make me laugh about how badly we would, undoubtedly, fuck up. I think once I accepted that, I became more calm, more composed. Crazy how we need to be reminded not to take things so seriously.

Afterall, you’ll never make it out of life alive. Right?

Then it all changed.

Our journey took a sudden and unexpected turn and from our hardest moment I share our pain. This is for my son, because he’s so special and he deserves words in this world, no matter how brief. At 12:34am on 11/22/2016, after 14 long, difficult hours, no pain meds and with Alex, my mom and my two treasured friends Anna & Justine by my side, I gave birth to the most beautiful, precious little boy in the universe. He was perfect. I’m forever seeking answers, but one I will never have is why we had to watch him leave just as quickly and unexpectedly as he came. While we feel anger and sadness in every second, I’ve also learned the true power of strength, hope and especially [if not definitely] love. It has been our guide from the beginning and through this heartache. It will be my guide in the years to come.

My brother and dad were there at a moments notice and I was surrounded by the comfort of my family and friends. I love them and appreciate them for that more than I can ever say. I received flowers and well wishes from everyone. My cousin Kristina gave me my sunflowers, the only sunshine in my hospital room that day. I can’t tell you what it meant. But, still... it was my little boy’s presence that brought me an indescribable peace and I will treasure it forever.

I feel so much gratitude for every minute no matter how brief. I send my love to every mother who has faced this. It is not easy to say goodbye to someone you’ve never met, but whom you love unconditionally nonetheless. I thank the doctor’s and especially the delivering nurse for their care. He made the hardest moment of my life a little easier.

And for my son: we love you with all of our hearts and souls. You are our Angel and may your colors light our way. Always. Beautiful boy. <3

- Sonya M.G.

https://www.gofundme.com/stillbirth-awareness-for-our-baby-v

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