#I’ve never felt so alone

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

Rebels has been a comfort show for me longer than I’ve actually cared about star wars (my grade 6 self loved watching Disney XD on tv what can I say🤷🏻‍♀️)

And the main reason is because of how much the ghost crew loved each other..they were a family and I loved that about them

Anyways, I haven’t felt that same comfort until The Bad Batch and I just love it so much

I’m gonna feel super empty when this season ends :(

#star wars found family is everything to me #Star Wars has always excelled at the found family trope in a way I’ve never really seen before #Like I’ve been a marvel fan my whole life and I’ll admit the mcu has really only succeeded in found family with the GOTG #(you know…the movies that are heavily influenced by star wars) #But like I really feel like if I didn’t care about the relationships between star wars characters #I wouldn’t care about star wars nearly as much #even in the OT it took a while for me to care as much about that group because in that trilogy alone #we don’t actually see the relationships grow on screen aside from leia and han #so it was hard for me to get invested #watching the prequels is what got me to care about the OT characters #and watching TCW got me to care about the prequels #anyways what I’m saying is I love tbb and swr because I love watching characters become a family #yeah idk where i’m going with this #just felt like acknowledging it #star wars #sw rebels #tbb #the bad batch #swr #the clone wars #star wars original trilogy #star wars prequels #marvel #guardians of the galaxy #kate's post

[heroesriseandfall]

For all Bruce’s flaws, in the comics it took him about 2 seconds to realize something was up with Tim’s parents. You could say this is part of Bruce’s parenting that is slightly better in canon than fanon, but it’s also maybe just because 13 year old Tim in comics didn’t have as much brain-to-mouth filter as fanon Tim seems to, so he told on his parents as soon as Bruce & Alfred asked about them. There is no dodging questions to keep his parents out of trouble, he just says concerning stuff and expects no one to do anything about it I guess.

#Alfred + Bruce: so where are your parents? have you talked to them? — Tim: oh no they’re usually gone because they’re fighting a lot #they don’t even call me they just send postcards to me while I’m at boarding school. why do you ask #Alfred & Bruce (thinking): well this explains why this 13 year old was able to run around New York & Gotham without his parents worrying #tim drake #bruce wayne #also maybe it’s just me but it kinda felt like maybe bruce wasn’t just suspicious bc of their parenting #did he also think their business stuff was concerning? or was it just the emotional abuse/neglect he was suspicious about? #they don’t specifically say. Bruce just says Tim’s parents seem fishy. personally I think it may be a mix of both? with the neglect foremost #the problem is we’ll never know because marv wolfman never got to follow through on that investigation before Alan Grant killed off Janet #i am SO curious what Wolfman’s initial ideas were for the drakes but I’ve never been able to find something with him talking about it #batfam #bonds: someone alone like me #janet drake #jack drake #drake parenting #bat parenting #heroesriseandfall #dc

[p-taryn-dactyl]

tw: dark thoughts

literally sucks when i’m the one who always checks in on my friends if they post something concerning on their stories but no one ever checks in on me when i literally say i want it all to end

#i mean it might be my fault #i never let anyone too close to me #bc why would anyone want to #i don’t want to burden anyone but i do want to feel loved #never felt so alone #while having the friends i’ve hoped for #it sucks #i’m not alright #kinda feel like i have no purpose #other than being the shoulder for others to cry on #but having no one to talk to

[rosalinesurvived]

Fukufuku as Ribs by Lorde

#you’re the only friend i need sharing beds like little kids we’ll laugh until our ribs get tough but that will never be enough #this dream is’nt feeling sweet we’re reeling through the midnight streets and i’ve never felt more alone it feels so scary getting old #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungo sd #fukuzawa yukichi #president fukuzawa #fukuchi ouchi #fukuchi genichirou #bsd fukuchi #bsd fukuzawa #fukufuku #fukuchi x fukuzawa #fukuzawa x fukuchi #zskk #zenki soukoku #childhood friends to enemies #i need to make a playlist boyyy #‘absolute power corrupts abolutely’ ‘yes but not you’

[userparamore]

listening to pure heroine is really like i’m just a 15 year old girl

#i’ll never go home again #we live in cities you’ll never see on screen #i’ve never felt more alone #it feels so scary getting old #this dream isn’t feeling sweet #etc etc etc

[mazojo]

If I ever see Kaya Saimori it’s on SIGHT

#I’ve never felt my blood boil as much for such a long ass time #I am not an aggressive bitch but I could be let me inside this anime I’ll have a talk with her #she is so overly villainous it crosses the line of insane like what the actual fuck live amigo alone !!!!! get a life !!!!! #when Kudou burned down that shit I was like yes king !!!!! hit them with the chair !!!!! #my happy marriage #anime #kaya

[meat-huge-pain-endless]

peeling my skin off and tearing my hair out and screaming and crying and vomiting and walking into traffic and

#i’ve had a rough one today #i am alone and unwanted and my ex boyfriend (who is one of my best friends still) is sleeping with one of my friends #i’m not jealous of either of them it’s just that that friend was the first person i ever talked to abt my ex who had never met or been told #abt him prior #and that meant a lot to me #so i felt a little betrayed at first #he told me it’s like a casual short term thing but it still stings #i’m also just jealous of the attention? #i just want to be wanted #i want someone to want me enough to actually do something about it #i’m so drained and depressed and sick to my stomach rn #ugh whatever i can’t do this anymore #shut up michael #my ex also bailed on plans we had tn that were HIS IDEA to fuck her. so i’m feeling rlly loved and valued and appreciated :)))) #he apologized and like he’s going thru smth rn and he was very transparent abt that with me #AND YET #THESE HORRIBLE FEELINGS PERSIST #ok i’m actually done now

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

[gaycousinlarry]

.

#this thought just hit me and it’s not shade just a fact lol #but i see all these people on ig talking about decorating/designing their kid’s rooms #and i just. the IDEA that my parents would’ve put that much thought into our room when we were kids is…. absurd??? #i was a menace #i drew on walls #i chewed up toys #i carved into the bed frame #we had a bunk bed a second hand desk a chest of drawers each and plastic boxes for toys etc #everything was mismatched and very erhm lived in #it gives me so much anxiety i physically cringe to think abt what it would’ve been like had my room been decorated and had fancy wall papers #and expensive matching furniture and godddd #i would’ve ruined it all and felt so bad and it would’ve been such a waste of time and energy and money #(i got my own lovely 90s decorated room w green wallpaper w i was nine and GOD the way i spent ages 9-18 decorating and redecorating that #room - but at nine i was a lot less mayhemish #anyways that’s besides the point) #i just realized i’ve never thought abt this before and that (mostly) women spend so much time on something that would’ve made no sense in #my home #(also parents being too involved w their kid’s own space makes me claustrophobic- i wanted A LOT of alone time and needed my own space #and the concept of my parents controlling my playing OR what happened in our room makes me stress sweat #oh boy this is rambly and i’m so happy i don’t have kids haha #)

[i-am-a-fucking-nerd]

Been seeing a lot of antisemitism since 10/7 and it’s been frustrating but what somehow feels even more alienating and lonely to me personally is the amt of jews I see be unwilling to hear a single criticism of Israel and who refuse to meaningfully acknowledge and engage with the suffering that Palestinians are facing rn. Cuz like before I was already seeing antisemitism all over the place bc it’s everywhere. It’s not new. But now I’m also seeing jews try and justify shit Israel is doing and getting upset at anyone who acknowledges the endless pit of terror they’re causing. I feel like before it was much more normal to at LEAST be like yeah the govt is doing some messed up shit that I don’t agree with. But now I look around and everyone is insisting that Israel has every single jews full unwavering support. And then saying anyone who disagrees is being antisemitic. And also claiming that all jews feel the same way and agree with them and that if u don’t ur just trying to be “one of the good jews” in the eyes of goyim. Makes me feel so isolated from my community. I want to scream. Open ur eyes. Open ur eyes. Look. It needs to stop. It needs to stop.

#havilah's thoughts #not sure if I should tag with anything so ppl can filter it bc I’m also not tryna show up in any tags… #lmk if there’s anything I should tag this as #I know I’ve always been in a minority of jews in a lot of the spaces I’ve been in bc my Judaism doesn’t interact w the modern state of #Israe l at all whereas for lots of other ppl it’s like a big chunk #but I’ve never felt so alone and like an outsider as I have lately #ppl say things at shul and I want to start crying #I hate it. I hate it. I hate it

[evidently-endless]

stuck

#don’t even worry abt reading this im just using this shit as my diary #i don’t have anyone to tell this to i would only hate myself for saying it #feel like every change i have ever made has been a mistake and felt like nothing but loss #and it makes me wildly afraid of more change because i feel like i’ve never gained anything from it #i haven’t grown and my life has only become emptier and i don’t know if i can keep doing it and i just want to stop and shelter in place #i’m just so tired of feeling so bad all the time and i feel like it’s just who i am #just afraid and alone and i know how fucking dramatic that sounds lol #i can’t even imagine the future anymore i don’t want anything #personal

[thecryptidbard]

Today was a really, really good day.

#I think I’m gonna be okay #I think there are good things here. and good people. #and I’m not alone in the ways I thought I was. #and I’m still overwhelmed and I still never get enough sleep #but also today I felt *happy* like I haven’t in so long #and I felt like this could be a home #and like I’m me #and possible again #and idk I think I’ve been on here so little lately and when I am it’s so much hopeless breakdown posting #but today was really good and I wanted to share that too #it speaks #tk tag

[camelots-daffodil]

My toxic trait is that if you give me 30 minutes of your time yes I will explain to you why if Merlin had revealed his magic to Morgana in season 2 the nightmare begins we could have had it all- INCLUDING a morally grey Morgana, with just a little bit of mediocre writing.

#IMO #She wouldn’t have felt alone to be driven right into Morgause’s hands SO completely #don’t get me wrong she still would have #and we could have had that questioning which side she’s on arc #and some murder attempts #but in the end with Merlin (and Gwen obviously bc they’re in love) she would have had the support system #to remeber her side #then we could have a Morgana-Arthur magic reveal #MORE ANGST #which btw they never even showed Arthur learning of morganas magic in the show lmao #the only hole in my story is who plays the big bad guy for plot purposes #I propose that either we continue to use Morgause OR in the darkest hour we introduce a new villain #and I propose that that is Vivienne #Morganas mother. #that way it makes sense why she wants Arthur and Uther dead #to put her daughter on the throne #and get revenge #I have a whole bunch of head canons dw #anyway I’ll shut up now I’ve abused the tags too much already #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin x arthur #morgana pendragon #gwen pendragon #knights of the round table #gwaine #bbc merlin fanfic #merlin emrys #merlin fanfic #morgwen

[sunuism]

having social anxiety at the ripe old age of 24 is actually so embarrassing 😭😭😭

#we had a break in class today and some of the people went to smoke which they always do #and i went to the bathroom first but then was also gonna go have a ciggie and i saw them standing outside and i was conflicted if i should #go join them or go outside on the other side of the building #and guess what i ended up doing….. #i went to the other side and sat alone like a loser #anyways then when i went in again they also came in and a girl complimented my outfit #and said she has the same leg warmers as me and we talked about how they can’t stay up #and she gave me the tip to put a hair elastic at the top so they stay up better #and anyways i felt so silly for not being able to just go up to these people who i’ve been in the same class as for 3 semesters now 👹 #but anyways it’s also embarrassing bc i only started smoking recently and no one irl knows it #and i’ve never smokes in front of anyone so i’m scared i’m gonna look stupid hahahagga #and anyways this is the last week of classes and after this semester i won’t see these people again bc they’re japanese majors while it’s #just a minor for me #so it also feels unecessary to try and befriend anyone in this class now

[museenkuss]

Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.

#they’re even on my main blog now #at least for me #and like yeah I get it blood and rot and family and whatever #I think I’m getting my period soon because it usually doesn’t annoy me like this but GOD #I don’t WANT these here. #but tbh I just don’t like the fandom. it’s all very clique-y and I am so so lonely #like genuinely I haven’t felt good about a single thing I posted for that in way too long #I like WRITING but posting?? in that fandom? it’s terrible. I hate it #& I’ve taken to writing out all my frustration and anger and grief in a separate doc to be deleted before posting the main work #which is fucking. just. it’s bad. I’ve never had to do that for ANY fandom I wrote for. #and I geeeeeet that it’s because it’s such a big fandom so people know each other and it’s not like my small communities where you #parallel play in peace. but I don’t like it. it’s deeply uncomfortable and isolating and I’m so sick of it #but I also like the writing I do so I try to just stay in my niche and not look at anyone else #I think I unfollowed every fandom blog save for two? three? so I could be alone instead of lonely #but it still washes over me whenever I post something. #oh an! sometimes I’m tempted to just do something super mass appealing so they’ll like me but that just makes me feel worse #I’ve been tempted to delete my blog so many times because I lost my friends from the old fandoms and this one is the poorest substitute #but I also feel like that won’t make me happier either. I wish I’d just never started engaging w that show tbh #okay done. just. I’m going through it