#I’ve never worn a tampon or a menstrual cup in my life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xenargon · 5 years

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Fuck. Okay. I've wanted to make this post for a while now, but I've hesitated because firstly, this is tumblr, but also because I have few followers and the majority of my friends are male.

What, you might ask, am I wanting to talk about? Menstrual cups. I know both those words are kinda gross, and the combination of the two is kinda gross. And honestly, the reality of it is kinda gross too, but the benefits waaaay outweigh the grossness.

So if you don't want to hear about the details, you are excused from reading the rest of this (even though I wish menstruation was less of a taboo subject, I'll try not to get too detailed). Nonetheless, every single month when I get my period, want to preach about menstrual cups.

Okay, so what the fuck is a menstrual cup? It's a little silicone cup that goes inside the vagina to catch and hold blood. When it gets full, you take it out, empty it, rinse it out, and put it back in.

Why is this better than pads or tampons? It's reusable: I've used my divacup for... somewhere around six or seven years. I use thin cloth panty liners as an added layer of protection on occasion. I have not needed to buy pads or tampons ever since. It's wonderful. You’re not wasting tons of plastic and cotton just for bleeding on it, and when you travel you don’t have to save a section of your suitcase for fifteen maxi pads. It’s an internal device: So just like with tampons, you can go swimming or wear thin clothing and move around, and you have the added benefit that you can’t feel it at all when it’s in properly, and you don’t have a string hanging out of your vagina. It has a much greater capacity than you’d expect: Because it’s just collecting the... stuff on its own and not absorbing it among a mass of fibers, it actually takes longer for it to get full than you would initially think. On my heaviest days I would have to change out a maxi pad every four hours or so, but with the cup I only have to address it about every six to eight hours. And that’s really only for one day. It’s leak-proof: Well, so long as it’s fully open or properly situated, and it’s not full, it will not leak. It actually creates an airtight seal when it’s situated, which is why most cups you’ll see have little holes on the side; this is to help break the seal when you take it out (but they don’t really do anything in practice).

What are the drawbacks? It’s very hands-on: yeah... you will come to appreciate any bathroom where the sink is within reach of the toilet. It’s difficult to get used to: It does take some time to figure out what the best way is to insert it, and how it should sit when it’s properly sealed, because both vary for each person. For some people, it just never fully opens when it’s done *correctly*. I actually gave up on it for a while because I was continually grossed out by it, and on occasion doing it wrong. There’s some trial and error involved in using a cup, and of course the ‘error’ is ‘it does absolutely nothing to help’.

Frequently asked questions:

Does it hurt to insert? I’ll just say this - I *hated* using tampons because they were ridiculously painful to put in, and even worse to take out. Using a menstrual cup was painful at the beginning, though much less so than using tampons, and over time it’s become much more comfortable. I think the problem with tampons is, ironically, that they’re so absorbent. The vagina is a mucous membrane, so it’s, understandably, pretty uncomfortable when something dry and absorbent is stuffed in there and left to dry everything out. An important note here: some people use lubricant to help the comfort factor (I don’t) but if you do, make sure to only use water-based lubricants because silicone based ones will damage a menstrual cup.

What happens when it gets full? A good analogy I once read is that when you leave a bowl under a faucet, it fills up with water, and when it starts overflowing, it does so only at the rate of the faucet.

What about public restrooms? Because the capacity of a cup is greater than that of pads or tampons, you don’t have to empty it as often, so, really, you shouldn’t have to be emptying it in a public restroom. Planning is key here. That said, if you find yourself in that unfortunate scenario, just use toilet paper to get everything as clean as it needs to be for you to put it back in. Personally, I have only run into this situation a couple times over several years, and each time I regret not emptying it beforehand in a more private, welcoming environment when I could have.

How long can you leave it in? To answer this and ease the hypothetical nightmares the previous question might raise, let me offer an anecdote. We recently moved from New Mexico to Georgia, which consisted of two days with ten hours of driving a day. Needless to say from the fact that I’m mentioning this here, I was on my period at the time, but it was during the third or fourth day when the flow is much lighter. Between being uncomfortable in my car, to driving with meowing cats, to the stress of getting cats set up at our temporary abode, I either completely forgot about or didn’t care about my period. So I didn’t end up emptying the cup until the second day when we ended up in georgia, and I think it had only gotten full when we were in the very last stretch of driving. I’d worn my cloth pad anyway for that very reason. Usually the next question here is “what about TSS?” Because menstrual cups are made from medical grade silicone, they don’t promote any sort of bacterial growth like tampons might. They are impermeable and biologically inert, so they should have little to no effect on the conditions of the vagina. But of course, don’t take my word for it. I’ve just never heard of an adverse reaction to leaving a cup in for too long, and I frequently forget about mine, because that’s possible.

How do you clean it? Boil it in water to sterilize it. Just know that the pearly white color of new silicone discolors to yellow over time, and that’s normal. I also tend to take mine out when I’m in the shower, and scrub it with a washcloth.

That’s all the info I feel comfortable putting here. I found the livejournal forums quite helpful when I was initially researching this. I used to hate every facet of my existence as a female when I was on my period, since there was always a constant reminder of it, and it felt disgusting and unnecessary and I wished I could just rip out my internal organs (I’m not kidding). Using a menstrual cup has made things infinitely more tolerable, which is part of why I want to preach about it so much. It has made my life better in so many little ways, that it makes me mad that I was never told about them when having all those awkward puberty talks as a kid. It’s... freeing, in a lot of ways, both physically and mentally. Some people (me included) even notice that using a cup has made their cramps slightly better. I have a hypothesis as to why, but I won’t get into that here. But, there’s also the financial freedom of not having to buy disposable shit that leaves you all dry and uncomfortable and itchy. The only downside to using a menstrual cup is that you have to get your hands dirty. But even then, I can mostly limit that to showers. Some women will get up on their soapbox and talk about how menstruation is a beautiful natural thing and we should all be comfortable with our bodies so using a cup forces you to do so. I’m not on that soapbox, but I kinda get where they’re coming from. Using disposable pads/tampons and being told about TSS perpetuates this underlying sense that menstrual blood is unsanitary and dangerous, when it really isn’t. It’s just... a thing that happens.

#menstrual cups #what else do i tag #feminism #maybe

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floraexplorer · 5 years

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Ten Eco-Friendly Products for the Traveller in Your Life

“Single-use plastics are the devil!”

I stood in the pharmacy aisle and staring at the dental floss picks in disbelief. Twenty different brands, all with plastic handles wrapped in cellophane, all supposed to be used once then thrown out.

I’d just come from a visit to the dental hygienist who’d told me to I needed to floss. She’d even recommended these picks because they’re easier to use than regular floss – but I couldn’t bear the idea of wilfully buying something so environmentally wasteful.

Five minutes of deliberation later, I eventually had to turn around and walk out of the store, my vow to improve my dental hygiene melting away.

It got me thinking about the choices I make when it comes to eco-friendly products. A lot of factors in my regular life at home are chosen on the basis of their environmental impact: I shop in charity shops and thrift stores for clothes; I recycle plastics and organic waste — and clearly I’m growing increasingly conscious of how much plastic I buy.

But how do I manage to be eco-friendly when I travel?

Travelling is, in essence, an environmental problem – from a plane ride’s damaging carbon emissions to the excessive amount of waste generated by millions of tourists in countries ill-equipped to dispose of it.

Luckily, there are countries combatting the tourism crisis with bans on single-use plastic and aims to become entirely climate-neutral – but we still have a responsibility as individuals.

When travelling, we can be more eco-conscious by turning off the lights, picking up our rubbish, using public transport, and being conscious of the amount of water we use. In short, all the things we (hopefully!) already do at home. We can eat locally, travel more slowly, and buy from independent retailers.

But the biggest personal change we can make is to simply stop using so much. If single-use items grow less popular, eventually we’ll see a marked difference in our efforts to combat waste.

Over the years I’ve amassed a selection of products which make my travels a bit more eco-friendly. I know from personal experience that they’re all affordable, durable and worth the money you’ll spend – and each of them helps the environment in their own way.

Read more: Ethical mistakes I’ve made while travelling

Reusable bag

When I was younger, I used to watch my mum carrying multiple bags everywhere she went. I used to joke and call her ‘a bag lady’ – but now I remember that her newspapers, groceries and extra layers were always in tote bags, never plastic.

A brand she particularly loved was Onya. In an effort to challenge our disposable culture, Onya use yarn made from recycled plastic bottles to make reusable bags. Mum gave me a blue Onya bag over a decade ago, and despite it getting increasingly stained and worn out, that same bag is still going strong fifteen years later.

The silky material means it’s super light and folds up to barely anything: as a result, it’s been stuffed into my pack throughout long-term travels in Asia and South America, has visited dozens of other countries and is always in my bag even when I’m in London. There’s nothing like the ‘internal-high-five’ I feel when I successfully avoid using a plastic bag in a shop!

Onya now only sell their products in Australia, but there are plenty of other reusable bags out there – like Baggu bags and these foldable totes from Bee Green.

Price: from £8 on Amazon

TOMS slipon shoes

I first discovered TOMS shoes when living in San Francisco in 2009, when I put them on and immediately felt like I was walking on clouds.

I virtually wore out that first pair while traipsing the SF cement, the bright lights of Vegas, the Chicago cityscape and the muggy air of New Orleans – and when I brought them back to England, I continued wearing them around my university town until my toes got too cold (alas they’re only really suitable for warmer temperatures). Eventually TOMS were stocked in the UK and now I find myself buying a pair every summer.

The classic TOMS are lightweight which makes them easy to pack, they’re comfortable for a full day of walking around, and they look casual-smart enough to wear in a range of different scenarios. They’re made from natural hemp, organic cotton and recycled polyester, while their shoeboxes are made from recycled post-consumer waste.

But most importantly, TOMS operate under a ‘Buy One, Give One’ model: for every purchase you make, they donate a pair of shoes to a child in poverty. As of today, TOMS have given away 86 million pairs of shoes to children – and most recently the founder, Blake Mycoskie, has donated $5 million towards ending gun violence in the US.

NB: If you’re a US citizen, you can go to TOMS.com and send a physical postcard to your Congress representative urging them to pass universal background checks.

Get them from £13 on Amazon

LUSH solid shampoo and conditioner

Travel-sized toiletries, though somewhat adorable in stature, have always felt like a huge waste of plastic. Despite only washing my hair twice a week I still run out of travel sized shampoo on long trips – and if I travel with carry-on only, there’s no way I’m using up my liquid allowance with a full sized bottle of shampoo!

Enter: solid shampoo. This stuff can take some getting used to at first, but it’s an undeniably useful product to travel with. A single LUSH Solid Shampoo Bar can last for about 80 washes and is made from natural ingredients and essential oils.

I store mine in a silver tin which doubles as somewhere to place the bar when showering (if there’s a ledge available). Simply run the bar a few times over wet hair to create a lather. Make sure you don’t pack the bar away when still damp though, as it can melt away a bit. I’ve patted mine dry with toilet paper then had to pick tiny specks of paper off it again – so any tips aside from air-drying are welcome!

Available on the LUSH website from £7.50

Go-Toob squeeze bottles

If you’re like me and have really dry hair, sometimes you have to use a particular brand of liquid shampoo – which is where Go-Toob comes in handy.

Most refillable bottles are hard plastic, making it really difficult to shake out whatever substance you’ve got inside. Go-Toobs are soft, squeezable, reusable bottles made from silicone, with a wide lip for easy filling and a no-leak valve. They’re small enough for airline carry-on, easy to wash out before reusing, and there’s even a designated space on the cap to write what product is inside.

I first picked up a trio of Go-Toob’s reusable bottles when I was packing for South America, and now they’re a requisite element of my travel wash bag. One holds shampoo, another has body moisturiser, and the third is a spare for suncream or whatever else I might need.

Available from £16 for a set of three bottles on Amazon

Reusable water bottle

Reusable water bottles are one of the easiest eco-friendly switches to make: they’re cheaper than buying bottled water and they greatly reduce wasted plastic.

I have a few in my collection: two different sizes of Ion8 bottles made from BPA-free plastic, and two metal bottles from Klean Kanteen – one with a wide lip and one with a sports cap. I find the latter easiest for travel because although a wide-lipped bottle is aesthetically appealing, it has the ability to jolt against my teeth if I’m not standing perfectly still. After an accident in the school playground where I broke my front tooth, I’m now really cautious about possible teeth-related accidents!

A word of warning when travelling: always check whether the tap water is safe to drink. If you’re unsure, you can use water purification tablets or a LifeStraw.

Price: from £18.95 on Amazon

Mooncup

After years of worrying about developing Toxic Shock Syndrome from tampons, I started using a menstrual cup when I went to South America and I’ve never looked back.

For female travellers, menstrual cups are a no-brainer: gone are the days of using up precious backpack space with tampons, or running the risk of not being able to buy them in your destination. But they’re really eco-friendly too. The average person goes through approximately 11,000 pads and/or tampons in their lifetime, all of which end up in landfill: in comparison, you only need to replace your menstrual cup every few years.

A Mooncup is made of soft medical-grade silicone which you fold and put inside yourself, where it then pops into its original shape and creates a seal with your cervix. To remove, you simply pinch the base of the cup and pull on the stem, then empty it out and clean before using again (a tip: it’s handy to take a water bottle to public toilets for this part!).

It’s understandably a bit nerve-wracking to use a menstrual cup the first few times, but you get the hang of it pretty quickly. And again, Mooncups give you longer lasting protection than other sanitary products so when you’re travelling and don’t have constant access to a toilet, there’s no panic about changing it in time! If you’re someone like me, who often suffers from thrush (which once happened after using a tampon for too long on an 18 hour night bus ride from Poland to Lithuania with a locked on-board toilet and no stops…), the non-absorbency of a menstrual cup means no dryness, which is also a lifesaver.

There are two sizes of Mooncup: choose A if you’re aged 30 or older or have given birth vaginally at any age, and B if you’re under 30 and haven’t given birth.

Price: from £21.99 on Mooncup’s site

[Image: Mama Loup’s Den]

THINX underwear

The second element to my eco-friendly period game are THINX: period underwear which are made with various absorbent materials to prevent any leaks. I ordered two pairs of these babies all the way from the US. Shipping costs were a bit of an annoyance, but nonetheless they’re bloody fantastic. Pun intended.

THINX are only slightly thicker than normal underwear, and come in six different styles with various levels of absorbency, including bikinis, boy shorts and thongs. I wear them along with my Mooncup for maximum peace of mind on the first few days of my cycle, but they’re also great to use before your period arrives so you can avoid spotting in regular underwear.

Cleaning THINX is pretty easy: just soak them in cold water first and then either handwash or chuck them in a cold washing cycle without fabric softener (as it can affect the antimicrobial materials). They do take a while to air dry, so it’s worth having more than one pair.

As with menstrual cups, using period underwear saves you using non-recyclable one-use sanitary products which end up in landfill.

(NB: If you’d be interested in an honest review about my experiences with THINX, let me know in the comments!)

Prices start from £27 at THINX (get £8 off your first purchase!)

Ethnotek backpack

My favourite backpack brand is Ethnotek, an ethically responsible social enterprise which use handmade textiles from artisans all over the world, from Vietnam and Ghana to Indonesia, Guatemala and India.

I’d been following Ethnotek for a long time, but I was finally able to meet the two founders, Cori and Jake, in Bali earlier this year. We had brunch in an Ubud cafe and chatted about their passion for keeping traditional handcraft practices alive.

Sadly many local artisans are seeing less and less demand for their work, with handmade products being replaced by factories and machines which leads to loss of jobs and ultimately the disappearance of handicrafts. That’s why it’s so important to see Ethnotek creating new demand for these traditional practices by featuring tie-dye, batik, block printing, embroidery and handloom weaving on its bags.

Available from $89 at Ethnotek. Use the code ‘FLORA10’ at checkout for a 10% discount!

Reusable cotton rounds

Once I realised how wasteful it is to use disposable face wipes, cotton balls and cotton pads, I spent ages searching the internet high and low for reusable alternatives. It took a long time to find a stockist who wasn’t in the US and could deliver to England, but eventually Etsy came to my rescue.

A set of organic cotton rounds easily replace other single-use products: simply pop your cleanser or toner on the pad and use as normal, but then put them in the wash afterwards (courtesy of the thoughtfully included laundry bag!). Mine are made from two layers of cotton, along with a layer of antibacterial bamboo towelling on one side: as it’s slightly rougher, it removes more makeup!

My only issue with reusable cotton rounds is that some of them have stained slightly from over use, so I’d recommend handwashing them with some soap and warm water sooner rather than later.

Price: from £9 on Amazon

Bamboo toothbrush

You know there’s a global crisis when a company willingly gives away their product for free in the hopes of changing people’s minds for the better.

When I saw an advert from ‘Giving Brush’ on Facebook I didn’t believe them at first – but when my free bamboo rainbow toothbrush arrived in the mail a few weeks later, I suddenly realised how irresponsible it is to use plastic toothbrushes which need to be changed every few months.

The handle is made from bamboo, a natural plant-based material so it will eventually biodegrade, and the bristles are made from nylon – not super recyclable, although some companies use the biodegradable ‘nylon4’.

Available from £8.99 for a pack of four on Amazon

What eco-friendly products do you travel with? Is there any product you wish could become more environmentally conscious?

Disclaimer: this article contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links I will earn a small commission at no cost to you.

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kidsviral-blog · 6 years

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Blood Line

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/blood-line/

Blood Line

Hiking on the Pacific Crest Trail in my late forties, and thinking about conversations I never got to have with my mother.

View this image ›

Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

During the six-hour flight to Seattle from my home in North Carolina in the summer of 2013, my period arrived before my flight landed. So in the cramped bathroom of the plane, I pulled my Diva Cup from its fabric pouch and wondered how to use it while hiking on the Pacific Crest Trail.

While I’d been using the Diva Cup for years, I’d never taken it into the wilderness. By some fluke, my hiking adventures during the previous summers had fallen on weeks when I didn’t have my period.

The Diva Cup — which is made of silicone and sits inside your vagina, collecting menstrual blood, while you have your period — has made this stage of life manageable for me, as tampons can’t handle the heavy flow. In my late thirties, I discovered the Diva Cup after a friend turned me onto the environmental and health benefits of reusable products, and now, the Diva Cup is the only device that will contain the massive quantities of blood produced by my now-49-year old uterus. For most of my life, I privately judged those who complained about their periods, as I could run marathons while menstruating. But now, approaching menopause, my body produces blood clots the size of grapes.

When I drove to the trailhead the next day with my hiking partner, I stopped at a gas station to buy baby wipes, which I hadn’t purchased since my two daughters were toddlers.

“Don’t you think dumping blood in a stream violates â€˜Leave No Trace’?” I asked my longtime friend Gary, referring to the low-impact principles that focus on carrying out everything you bring on to a trail. For women using tampons, this means putting them in a plastic bag throughout the hike; I was worried that I’d be pouring blood from the Diva Cup into Ziplocs as we hiked.

Gary follows the low-impact rules about camping away from streams and avoiding dish soap in mountain waters, but practicality often trumps principles for him; he sometimes throws his apple cores or orange peels into the woods, even though he works as an avian ecologist and knows better than most how food can attract wildlife.

“I think you’ll be fine,” he said, giving me the answer that I was hoping for.

As we hiked, I stopped at every stream to rinse out the Diva Cup, and my typical hiking attire of a well-worn Patagonia dress made this process quite efficient. Within an hour, we fell into a rhythm of walking and stopping, rinsing, and refueling. The second day, we hiked to the Pacific Crest Trail, also known as the PCT, and I took a picture by the small wooden sign that identified the trail.

Cheryl Strayed’s book and movie Wild have now popularized the Pacific Crest Trail, but in spring 1999, my parents hiked the entire distance of the trail, all 2,650 miles. (Five years earlier they had completed the 2,168 miles of the Appalachian Trail on the East Coast.) They waited to depart until I had delivered my daughter, Maya, but before I went into labor, my parents mailed their care packages of food out West and weighed every item before placing it in their lightweight packs.

While we often camped as a family in the 1970s, my parents became middle-age gurus of long-distance hiking after their four children were grown. In hiking circles, they were known by their trail names of “Annie and the Salesman” and were featured on an instructional film about lightweight hiking. With her slow Southern drawl recorded on the video, my mother held up a towel the size of a washcloth: “After you rinse off in a stream, you just shake off like a little puppy!” she said with a self-conscious grin and a flip of her head.

She always described hiking as a form of prayer.

View this image ›

Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

Their last long-distance hike was the near-completion of the Continental Divide Trail, part of the trifecta called the Triple Crown, which also includes the Appalachian Trail and the Pacific Crest Trail. But before they could complete the last section of the Continental Divide Trail, they were killed by young male drivers in separate but mirror-image accidents two years apart. They both died while biking to an organic farm where they volunteered in exchange for fresh produce each week in our hometown of Fairhope, Alabama. My mother and father died long before showing outward signs of old age, at 58 and 64 years old, respectively. In fact, at the time of their deaths, in 2003 and 2005, they were in the best shape of their lives.

During our many conversations on the phone and in person, I never asked my mother how she dealt with her changing female body while hiking, although I have faint memories of her mentioning the subject of “heavy flow.” In the years before she died, I was having babies, starting jobs. Menopause was the farthest life event from my mind.

But I do remember when my sister was in college, my mother wrote her a newsy letter, filled with plans for an upcoming hike. My sister says her roommates cackled at this line in the letter: “I’ve discovered the most marvelous thing!” my mother wrote, in her perfect penmanship that seemed to echo her graceful Mississippi accent. “It’s called OB!”

I’ll never know if she packed out OB tampons in Ziploc bags on the Pacific Crest Trail or if my father understood her “change of life” as they walked across mountaintops and deserts. But I do know that when I walked on the Pacific Crest Trail — step after step on the same path — I felt my body melt into her memory. When I hiked on that trail, my mother had been dead for 10 years and my father for eight, but I could imagine them singing together as they walked and then stopping to admire the wildflowers. In fact, I was stepping into a prayer with both of them, following the actual trail of their walking meditation.

The loss of a parent signals the loss of an entire unrecorded history. Every day, I want to ask my mother, “What was it like for you?” When my teenage daughter looks at me with irritation one moment and vulnerability the next, I want to ask: “Did I look at you in that same way?” Because of course, I can’t remember. So I make up stories in my mind, even as I yearn for the weight of her arms around my middle-age body. Some nights, I pray that I might dream about her, just to spend a few minutes of subconscious time with her voice.

“You’ll always be my girl,” she would say, as she embraced me over the years, patting my back with her right hand, over and over again, even when I grew taller than her. When my mother was my age, 10 years before her death, her children were grown, and she was settling into the second stage of a seasoned marriage that had grown stronger with time. In contrast, I am a single parent of a teenager and a third-grader; we live in a 900-square-foot house in North Carolina with one tiny bathroom, where my older daughter has walked in on me as I rinse out my Diva Cup in the sink.

My own body — that can birth babies, hike trails, and raise a teenage woman — has become my mother’s. And there is nothing that can contain it all.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mallorymcduff/hiking-period

#death #diva cup #family #menstruation #period

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houstonlocalus-blog · 7 years

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Holistic Tips for Surviving Without Healthcare

Good health is something all people strive for. But unfortunately, in today’s world, access to adequate healthcare to make said good health possible is often just out of reach. Even with Obamacare, which will perhaps not be along for very much longer if the Viagra-popping white walkers of the GOP get their way, premiums are still far too high. It goes without saying that the entire American healthcare system needs a massive reboot, but don’t hold your breath because that’s probably never going to happen. Maybe the best option for all of us is to just forgo traditional healthcare altogether and embrace the many natural medicines for better health that our dear flat earth offers us.

Not to mention, in the age of groundbreaking Internet publications like Goop, traditional healthcare is becoming so passé. Who needs to see a gynecologist when you can just store an energy realigning jade egg in your vagina? And who needs to see a psychiatrist when you can just realign your body’s energy frequency with wearable stickers that promote positivity and healing? Hell, who needs physical therapy when you can just wear a shirt with a positive affirmation on it?

It’s high time for all of us to say goodbye to the American healthcare system for good and embrace Hollywood’s trendy holistic approach to health maintenance. Forget Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders, it’s time to join the Kardashians!

Here are some tips for maintaining your health the NATURAL way, at least until your body is destroyed beyond repair in a geopolitical conflict brought on by the effects of climate change.

A Crystal A Day Keeps the Doctor Away:

For thousands of years people have been using crystals, which work through resonance and vibrations, to treat all kinds of illnesses. Crystals work by helping release spiritual, physical and mental blockages that cause ailments like testicular cancer, dementia and ALS. Every crystal vibrates at its own frequency and has its own unique healing attributes, so why not forgo health insurance altogether and turn the rock and mineral show into your new pharmacy?

I’ve been using quartz crystals, which help clear the mind, to treat my Bipolar Disorder for years, and it’s been working miracles on my delicate psyche! All I do is lube up a quartz crystal with coconut oil every morning and shove it up my anus, where it stays for the remainder of the day (also helps treat IBS). It goes without saying that it’s super hard to have a mood swing when you’re focusing all of your mental and physical energy on clinching your butthole tight enough to prevent the crystal you have shoved up your ass from falling to the floor and shattering into a million little pieces (Note: Do not put it back in if this happens).

Do you have Sickle Cell Anemia? Have you tried treating it with bloodstone, which can be worn around your neck as an amulet, instead of dangerous and unnatural big pharma-produced medications? Bloodstone works by helping to purify your blood, which ensures that your life force remains strong and healthy. This crystal is also a powerful energizer, so even if it doesn’t end up curing your disease it will at least give you the strength and enthusiasm to power through it!

Before you start using crystals to treat the many ailments caused by your inability to access adequate healthcare, it’s important to read up on how to appropriately charge them under the light of the moon. Every time there is a full moon, I place my assortment of medicinal crystals and stones in a bath of organic almond milk and let the moon do its magic to them. If almond milk isn’t your thing, you can also let your crystals soak in a vat of menstrual blood (no vegan option) or artisanal, small-batch kombucha. I’ve also heard of people treating gonorrhea (and super gonorrhea) by slathering their crystals in their discharge and then setting them out to soak up the moon’s healthful beams.

The Healing Power of Turmeric:

A host of scientific studies have shown that turmeric is just about one of the healthiest things you can put into your system, and that’s why I put turmeric in absolutely everything. And by everything, I mean everything — eye drops, bandaids, enemas, tampons, contact solution, etc. There is literally nothing that a turmeric and apple cider vinegar cocktail cannot fix. Have makeup-induced acne? Try making a foundation out of turmeric and equal parts LaCroix (coconut flavor works best). Not only will you say goodbye to your acne, but you’ll get a healthy, sun-kissed glow to your skin that even Donald Trump will be jealous of. Want to take off that makeup at the end of the day (before inserting your favorite crystal into your butt for some deep REM sleep)? Just make your own makeup remover with equal parts rubbing alcohol and turmeric.

Turmeric can also be used for an amazing full-body cleanse to help with weight maintenance. I’ve only consumed turmeric mixed with natural spring water for the past two months and I’ve lost an astonishing 40 pounds. It works, believe me! I’m so skinny and waif-like now that the only clothes in my closet that I can still wear are my ohm-sign-printed drawstring yoga pants and a t-shirt I stole from an American Girl doll.

Turmeric, as a spice, can also be mixed with any type of food you can imagine. Getting bored with the strawberry chia pudding you eat for breakfast every morning? Try mixing a couple of tablespoons of turmeric into it. Are you totally over the orange and mango smoothie you drink every day at noon for a quick pick-me-up? Try throwing a cup of turmeric into and you’ll never want to miss a day without it again.

Turmeric is the Mother Teresa of spices — albeit without the coerced deathbed conversions — and absolutely everyone could use a bit more of it in their life.

Coconut Oil For Every Ailment:

I remember watching the presidential election results trickle in on election day last November and wondering the whole time why liberals hadn’t gone out en masse the night before and rubbed coconut oil all over the damn polling stations. Coconut oil fixes everything! But they didn’t do that, hence we’re still here today with a shitty healthcare system and an increase in people being diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Coconut oil can be used to treat a variety of ailments, including arthritis and diabetes. If you’re a diabetic, or know someone who is, you probably know that insulin is ridiculously expensive. One cost-saving measure is to cut your insulin with melted coconut oil. Not only will doing so allow you to stretch out your insulin supply, it will also give your pancreas a healthy glow (although you won’t be able to see it because it’s deep inside your body).

Everyone knows about the benefits of oil pulling, but have you tried oil pulling with your butt? I have, and it’s made my butthole much more pink and supple. All you do is douche with some melted coconut oil and then jump around your house for 20 minutes while trying to hold it in. It’s best to start with five minute sessions at the beginning, then start gradually increasing your hold time as your sphincter muscles start to bulk up.

Coconut oil can also be used to treat just about any skin condition under the sun. I suffer from eczema from time to time and treat it by coating my entire body in coconut oil then wrapping myself like a mummy in strips of hemp cloth. And hey, if it’s Halloween no one will even know why you’re doing it!

The Ancient Art Of Smudging:

Everyone knows that smudging with sage is one of the best ways to rid your home of evil spirits and negative energy, but did you know you can use the method to treat your body as well? Inhaling massive quantities of sage smoke has actually been proven to help treat a variety of respiratory illnesses, including asthma and bronchitis.

And guess what? Sage smoke can also be used to help you quit smoking cigarettes. It actually works! Instead of smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, I now just clambake under a hemp blanket with a burning sprig of sage every day for a couple of hours. Not only is this great for your lungs, it also helps you rid yourself of addictive behavior. And according to an article I read in an online anti-vaxxer publication, this is also one of the best way to cure small pox in small children.

Not convinced? You can’t knock it until you try it yourself!

Nature Is the Best Medicine:

Nature truly is the best medicine. Everyone struggles with depression from time to time, but people often don’t realize that deep, spiraling depression can actually be cured by just walking in a park for about 20 minutes a day. Who want’s to feel sad when there are so many flowers to pick and squirrels to become friends with? Squirrels are so silly and cute to watch! Not to mention, it’s been scientifically proven that looking at trees for at least 10 minutes a day can help rebalance the serotonin levels in your brain. Are you in need of knee replacement surgery? Have you tried just going on a brisk jog every day by a picturesque lake? Have arthritis in your hands? Maybe you should just try painting landscapes every day in a natural forest for a week or so. I’m positive that will fix the problem!

We live in such a big and beautiful world, and it’s a damn shame that sick and housebound people don’t go outside more often to smell the roses. The whole earth is basically a giant Bob Ross painting, so why not go out and explore it more. It’s good for you!

DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical article. That being so, please do not attempt any of the actions listed in it.

Holistic Tips for Surviving Without Healthcare this is a repost

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approachingmindfulnessblog · 7 years

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Day 7 - Planning My First Steps into Minimal Living

Meet Riley, my motivational succulent! I said I wouldn’t buy clothes, I never said I wouldn’t spend $5 on a plant! I suppose you could argue that this is proof I’m still and irresponsible spender caught in the grips of consumerism, but I don’t think so. I’ve saved a lot of money these last few weeks by not allowing myself to buy, and after saying for such a long time that I wanted to buy some succulents and never actually doing it, it felt good to pick out my new friend while I was shopping for pizza ingredients. Not to mention, she’s good for me! Studies have shown that being around plants can lower your stress level, and when I lose track of what I’m writing on the blog I like looking at her for a moment to refocus. I named her after my roommate in Guatemala, who inspired me during the trip and was the first to comment on my new plant!

Since I’ve committed to Minimalism without really spending any time at home, or being around my stuff, I’ve been trying to brainstorm things I can do as an initial purge of my belongings when I get back, whether that’s in a couple days or a couple weeks.

empty the cabinets in the bathroom. separate them into things that are used on a regular basis, like toothpaste and cosmetics you incorporate in your daily look; things you’re saving for something specific (i.e. empty Lush pots that are being saved to be turned in and recycled in exchange for a face mask); and things that are just taking up space, like samples from Sephora two years ago that you saved for no apparent reason, seeing as they’ve never been touched. sell, give away or toss anything that is just taking up space. clean the inside of the cabinets, and then clean the items themselves. put them back in the cabinet in an organized fashion. consider investing in an organization system to keep them tidy, but buy nothing yet. will your reused jars work instead? bequeath tampons and pads to mom & sis, and invest in a menstrual cup instead.

empty desk drawers one at a time. anything that hasn’t been used in a year, should be tossed. things that have been kept for sentimental value but are never actually looked at, should be tossed. old paychecks should be tossed. see if instruction manuals can be found online, then toss physical copies. take a picture of prescription information, then toss unimportant papers. figure out what is and isn’t working about your current organization system. consider updating it. Buy nothing yet. replace items that you actually use or care about.

go through bookshelves and remove any book you did not enjoy or know you will never read again. reorganize remaining books. sell unwanted books to a local used bookstore.

purge jewelry box. anything that you don’t wear or love, sell or gift. throw away broken pieces. return remaining pieces to box. consider a new organization system, but buy nothing yet.

clean out closet shelves. if you’re not using it, ditch it. if you feel the urge to keep something you’re not using, ask yourself why. consider what value the item brings to your life. donate blankets that have been sitting at the top of your closet for at least a year. if something has been broken and not fixed, give yourself 30 days to mend it, and if it is still unaddressed, toss it.

go through your wardrobe. any clothes that you dislike or know you haven’t warn in the last year, sell or donate. any clothes that are too small, or uncomfortable, sell or donate. set aside clothes you need for work, and your go to pieces. with the remaining, in between clothes, ask yourself what you like and dislike about each piece. if the dislikes outweigh the likes, consider getting rid of it. monitor the remaining pieces over the next two months and see what you reach for. get rid of items you ignore. consider what holes might have been left in your wardrobe by your purging, or what might be more comfortable or functional than what you currently have. buy nothing yet.

collect loose change taking up space. take it to the bank.

go through drawer of memories and keepsakes. scan anything important to you. toss everything unless it has importance (i.e., legal). consider a different organization system. buy nothing yet.

recycle all junk mail from colleges you’re uninterested in. read remaining mail and get rid of anything that doesn’t hold importance. consider new organization system. buy nothing.

go through knickknacks. Ii you don’t love it, get rid of it.

go through shoes. if you haven’t worn them in a year, sell them. if you don’t like them or they no longer ‘feel like you’, sell them. consider what sort of shoes might go better with your new style and hold up better, but buy nothing yet.

go through underwear drawer. throw away all uncomfortable or dysfunctional underwear.

go through art supplies drawer. give away all art supplies that are going unused.

get rid of all the junk in the junk drawer. all of it. get rid of any unused items in the electronics drawer, and any cords that you don’t know the purpose of, if they have not been used in over a year.

delete any photos you don’t care about from your Dropbox.

delete irrelevant files from computer.

unsubscribe from unnecessary emails.

take extra pillows off the bed. removing and replacing them is a waste of your time.

delete old text conversations and emails that are no longer important.

Look around at the now far emptier room, and breathe. Feel how much stress is eliminated by eliminating clutter.

(While the phrase “buy nothing yet” did get tiresome to type out after a while, I’m trying to make an important point to myself. I can challenge myself to think of more effective ways to organize the stuff I decide to keep, but that doesn’t mean I need to run out and buy new stuff right away. Anything that’s worth buying, is worth waiting for, so I can see whether simply getting rid of some crap is enough to make an area more organized, or whether it would make sense for me to organize in say, dividers for my drawers, a file folder for important documents or little shelves for my makeup.)

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