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maximumkillshot · 5 months

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I Can't Lose You- Part 7

Warnings: Descriptions of Grief, PTSD Flashback, Intense Grief, Mentions of Miscarriage, Pissed off Lee Know, Anxiety, Panic, Everyone is hurting but you knew this... right?

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Characters: Stray Kids, Reader, Nurse, Soo?

A/N: Okay her we are with part 7 the song that I linked is what I had on repeat for part 6 &7 for the most part... I am so sorry and as always I'll be around for therapy after. If you really wanna cry, listen to what I listened to while writing this about 98% of the time, Can You Hold Me by NF and Britt Nicole.

I Can't Lose you Masterlist-CLICK HERE

Stray Kids Masterlist-CLICK HERE

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ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

BEFORE: His body went into overdrive, the shock melting into panic. He wasn’t going to let Death take you, “Han hurry up, she's slipping!” He screamed at the door. His scream didn’t sound like him. The sound akin to a bystander watching a loved one jump from a bridge. Watching the body disappear all because of one step. He couldn’t wouldn’t let you fall. He screamed as if he dove for your hand, the same hand that fits so perfectly in his, as you threatened to disappear over the ledge of that bridge. Bin got closer to your ear, so you could hear him better, “Please don’t say that. I know it hurts, just stay with me, hold on. I’m here. Stay with me. You can’t leave me here, please.” Changbin tilted your head, so you could hear his heartbeat. Subconsciously thinking, If you go I go. He gently wrapped his arm across your breastbone, trying to provide some soothing pressure to your chest. His hand resting on your opposite arm, rubbing the meat of it in a soothing pattern. His other hand was petting your hair. The hold he had you in gave you someone to hold on to. As soon as his forearm rested you wrapped your hands around it, grabbing his hand as you dangled on the ledge. “Binnie it hurts, pleaseee. Help me, it hurtss.” You sobbed, your voice cracking and breaking, a mirror of your soul. Bin continued to slowly rock you, “I know Angel, I know I want to take it away. Just hold on for me. Hold on to me.” He had no idea how he was able to be calm for you. A part of him knew that he needed to. He was not going to collapse so you could face all of this on your own. He refused. He needed to fight for you, and he would, for eternity if he had to.

NOW:

The boys were trying their hardest to be calm, but some just couldn’t handle it. I.N. and Felix being the two that were physically holding their heads, crouched in the fetal position, trying to cover their ears as they heard your screams in the hallway.

Hyunjin went over to them and picked them up, their forms curling into him as they cried. Hyunjin couldn’t pinpoint why your screams sounded so unhuman, subconsciously trying to find a way to help. Once reality set in he realized, none of them had ever heard the scream of a mother who lost their child… not until today. That made chills go up his spine as goosebumps riddled his skin. That was why it sounded so unhuman. His mother once told him, “Children are supposed to bury their parents, not the other way around.” He found himself repeating those words out loud as tears fell down his face. He never thought he’d understand those words, but now that he does, he was numb, numb with pain.

I.N.’s heart was breaking for you as he heard you calling out to no one, asking for the impossible. He was trying to be strong but hearing you in so much pain was too much. “I want to help her Hyung but I don’t know how.” That broke Hyunjin even more because he couldn’t do anything. No one could.

Hyunjin rubbed his back saying,“We can only be here for her, Innah. We need to be here, make sure she knows we aren’t going anywhere. That’s all we can do. I wish we could do more, but we can’t.”

Felix was crying because the only thing that could happen was him hearing the screams of a person that he loves, a best friend he considers as his sister, while he can’t do anything at all. The frustration combined with the sadness sliced through him.

Seungmin was the one member whom no one expected to cry yet there he was, crying. No one in the entire group knew he was one of the most hurt. His reactions to everything were visceral. If he wasn’t using the railing lining the hall, he was certain his legs would give out. He faced the wall sobbing, feeling the cold wall on his forehead. He didn’t care that he was in a hallway in a hospital full of nursing staff and strangers. He had been holding all of it in for weeks now…

It all started about two months ago. When Seungmin had come over to the 3Racha house, he noticed some things. He was making some lunch while he waited for the others to come back from the gym. The minute he opened the kimchi, you ran to vomit. That coupled with the fact that you looked like you were glowing raised his suspicion. When you came back to the kitchen he said, “When was the last time you took a pregnancy test?”

You cocked your head to the side quizzicaly as he giggled, “I’m 99.9% sure that you’re pregnant. Pee on a stick just to be sure but… Yeah, congrats. I’m going to throw away everything that smells like kimchi while you check.”

He was there for all of it. Everything from staring at the test with you waiting for the verdict. He spun you around congratulating you. He helped hide the evidence. Helped plan, he was even there when you got the ultrasound, filming it for Chan so he didn’t feel like he was left out. In many ways Seungmin had a better tie to that child than anyone else aside from you. He imagined everything with you.

Ever since he saw I.N. storm out to kill Chan… he checked out emotionally. He couldn’t handle the pain. He couldn’t ignore it anymore when he heard your screams. He thought of all the names you’d send him to see if they’d sound good. If it was a boy, you were incessant on Seungmin. You wanted to name the baby after him because he had “noticed first.” But he got you to change it to Chanseung, meaning “lingering victory”. This whole time...Every scream you let loose he heard the baby’s heartbeat as the memories flashed in and out of his mind.

He remembered the times when he would come over just to clear the kitchen of anything that’d trigger your gag reflex. His Hyungs would get pissed at him because they even labeled the items with "do not touch”, but somehow, mysteriously, Seungmin didn’t see it and ate it all… whoops. He even got up at whatever time you called to pick up whatever you were craving. Another was when you went out for a walk with him and you were telling him about all of the new things you were noticing about your body.

But his favorites were whenever you and himself would be alone in the kitchen or on the couch while everyone was distracted he’d look down at your belly, he would glance around and go to your ear just to say “They have no clue… That there’s 10 people in this house.” He’d do that just to see you try to suppress the smile on your face.

He even had dreams of going to the hospital to meet the baby. The dream always started with the phone call. Changbin would be on the other line as he picked up, “the baby’s coming, they’re already at the hospital, see you there.” Then the dream would jump to Chris walking out, “Congratulations everyone, you have a beautiful and healthy nephew. Once Y/N is cleaned up, you guys can come back to meet Chanseung.” In every single one of those dreams Seungmin would cry happy tears. When he’d be taken back, he was met with the cutest bundle, eyes like yours, a head full of curly hair like Chan’s. Chan would hand the baby to Seungmin and Changbin would say “what about me?” And you’d say, “godparents always hold the baby first.” Seungmin would look around shocked as more tears fell from his eyes, he would look at you and say “really? Me?” You’d look at him nodding with tears of your own, “How could it be anyone else, you took such good care of us, Minnie. You’d do anything for him. Your the one I trust the most with him.” He looked down to the baby and whispered “Hello Chanseung, I’ve been waiting for so long to meet you. My name's Seungmin, I’m your godfather.” He cuddled with the baby as he cried tears of joy, nothing but love and gratitude in his heart. Now that’s all they’ll ever be… Just dreams.

While everyone else was mourning as a friend, a brother, an Uncle, he mourned like a father. He felt like he lost a child. It destroyed him, ripping him apart inside, making him reflexively grab his chest, the air abundant but still suffocating, leaving him no other choice but for his chest to collapse inward as the sobs escaped.

Minho noticed that your screams didn’t sound human, closer to a wounded animal. Minho looked at Chan’s face as you screamed for your baby. He could see that Chan was sad, but it didn’t seem like he was truly grasping it. It was only when Chan’s phone lit up, that Minho’s patience snapped. He saw the name “Soo BFF Y/N” light up the screen, and before Chan could do anything about it, he snatched the phone. Minho grabbed Chris by the back of his neck, his nails digging into the meat of it. Minho spoke with a lethal air as he spat, “Waiting room… NOW.”

They ducked into the waiting room down the hall. The rest of the boys followed suit, locking the door to the room as Minho answered the call and said nothing.

“Hey Baby, you haven’t been picking up, is everything okay? What happened after I left?” Her voice rang through the waiting room.

Minho looked to Chris, and nodded to the phone, Chris responded, “No. Everything isn’t okay. Y/N was pregnant.”

There was a beat or two and she said, “Was?” Then she said, “As in not currently? I guess that is a good thing right? Considering you were going to divorce her for me anyway. A baby would’ve made it messy, no?”

Everyone’s jaws dropped. Some looking for confirmation, that they indeed heard what they did.

Chris looked at the phone like it had offended him his jaw slack, “what the fuck did you say to me?!” His face showed more emotion than hearing his wife’s soul being torn to shreds about losing the baby, “My child is dead and your response is ‘at least it’s less messy now?!’ How fucking heartless are you?” he asked.

Minho couldn’t believe what he was hearing and seeing out of Chris. He just heard his wife scream that she wants to die, that she wants to no longer exist because his child is dead. Yet the thing that gets him offended, have any reaction at all was his sidepiece saying something. Taking the first opportunity to skirt over how this all even happened. Minho wasn’t going to let him get away that easily, he spoke up, “You really are a fucking coward, huh, Chris? You won’t even tell her how all of this happened?”

Chris just bowed his head as Minho continued, “She miscarried from the shock and trauma of seeing you and her husband fucking right in front of her on their 3rd anniversary. YOU and Chris killed that child,” Minho seethed into the phone. “You want to hear what is happening to your so-called best friend? What you call, less messy?”

Minho took the phone off of the speaker and stormed down the hall. His heart was hammering in his chest, hearing of what she said playing in his head on repeat. His pain clouded his generous nature. For once, Minho doesn’t want to protect someone. He wanted Soo to feel the pain that you feel. He wants her to hear your screams. To hear your soul fracturing, hear the blood as it falls from the stab wound in your heart. That knife that no one can take out. That permanent piercing is now festering. The piercing that she and Chan personally put into one of the nicest people he’s ever met. He wants her to hurt. Just the thought of hearing Soo cry, made him smile. He wants her to suffer, truly suffer, just like he wants Chan to suffer. A part of him hates that this is what he wants but the rest of him knows, this is justified. A righteous anger. A human reaction. Which Soo cannot be.

Minho stopped outside of the room and held the phone out for Soo to hear your screams. He could somewhat hear Soo gasping at what was happening. Minho turned on the video to show her what little he could see from the door, which was your form rocking with Bin gently holding you, trying to calm you. “Hold on to me and breathe for me,” He heard Bin talking to you, trying to get you to fight.

“Binnie, please, my baby.” Minho heard your voice trembling, seeing you clutch on to Bin’s forearm. Your voice was worse than haunting, Minho could hear you trying to will your baby back.

“All you need to do is breathe and hold on to me. I’ve got you, I’m here.”

“I can’t Binnie I can’t I need my baby! Pleassee help me!” Your voice nearly gone from all of the screaming taking place.

It filled Minho with rage. The person on the phone caused this, along with your husband. Here Bin was, trying to will you to stay, to hold on to him, not anyone else. That made Minho feel better, if anyone could put you back together, make you want to stay, it’s Bin.

After being there for a minute or two Han barreled by him, all Minho did was flash the phone at him and point to the waiting room and Han nodded. He was telling him that when he was done making sure you were okay, for him to come to the room they were currently occupying with no words.

The minute Minho went back to the waiting room, he turned the speaker on to hear Soo. There was no response, only fast breathing and sniffling.

Minho tried to be quiet as he said, “Did that sound clean to you, Soo? Did that look less messy? She almost died last night, almost bled out from a hemorrhage that you both caused. She just screamed that she just wanted to die already. So tell me, what part about any of this screams a clean break?!”

Soo was silent for a moment and she said, “I never meant to hurt her, Minho.”

Minho’s blood boiled as he said, “People don’t get into cars with the goal of causing an accident and killing someone, but it happens all the same. I am so happy that you called, actually. I wanted to say this to your face but this’ll have to do. I couldn’t do this last night because I’m a decent person who was worried about one of my best friends... But now that she is being helped I can tell you. You are a sad excuse of a human being, I truly mean that. It takes a certain level of desperation to take your best friend’s sloppy seconds. Even more desperate to actually believe that he’d leave Y/N for your sorry waste of an existence. ”

Chan prickled at that, cocking his head, “As a matter of fact, the sloppy seconds is glaring at me while I say this and I don’t fucking care, as soon as I am done with you on the phone I’ll deal with him. You both destroyed someone very close to my heart. A person who has done nothing to either of you and yet you do this.”

Han walks in as Minho is grilling Soo, he whispers something to Felix and Felix goes out of the room. Minho continued, “As if what you did wasn’t enough you have the audacity to say that it was a good thing that Y/N miscarried because it would make the divorce less messy.”

Han’s eyes bulged out of his head at hearing that. No wonder why Minho wanted him here. Han felt rage at those words. Calling the death of a child that was wanted, a good thing? Minho’s lip was tight as he calmly finished his say, “I hope you know what you’re wishing for when you say you want him to yourself. If he did this to his own wife, imagine what he’d do to you… A nothing, a speck compared to Y/N. I hope you can live with yourself, but at least you’re breathing, something Y/N’s child never even got to experience because of you and Chris. I hope you rot and I hope it’s painful. Above all else, I hope that you pay in full for what you’ve done.”

Minho looked around, “Anyone want to talk to IT?” he punctuated “it” as he stared at Chris, daring him to say something. Everyone was silent and he said, “I would say it’s been a pleasure speaking to you, but that would be a lie; the only pleasure I’ll ever have is seeing you suffer.” With that, he hung up and walked to Chan, shoving the phone into his chest.

Minho stared at Chan, “Now it’s your turn… What are you doing here? Were we not clear enough for you?! What part of ‘stay away’ did you not get? Or are you that fucking stupid. She was making progress, she was sleeping and you had to come in, didn’t you.” His eyes burned into Chris.

“I just wanted to see her.” Chris said.

Minho got tunnel vision as he bore into Chan,“I… I … I.. That is all that exists for you, huh? It’s all about you. What you want, when you want, who you want, where you want. YOU wanted to see her, you didn’t even think about her wellbeing did you?! Of course you didn’t! That’s why you came in here and played the husband card over and over again. You are nothing to her. NOTHING! It baffles me how Changbin isn’t even married to her yet he’s a better husband than you will ever be!” Minho’s body betrayed him as he started to shake, “YOU DIDN’T JUST KILL YOUR CHILD… YOU KILLED WHO WE THOUGHT YOU WERE. YOU KILLED EACH ONE OF US! MOST OF ALL YOU KILLED Y/N. THE FUN LOVING, HOPEFUL Y/N IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! That alone is something I will never forgive you for.”

“I’m going to give you one chance to walk out of here willingly. If you don’t, I will tell the boys to go back to the room. Then I am going to lock you in here with me, and believe me when I say you won’t like what happens next. When I’m done with you, I’ll go right back to Y/N and act like nothing happened.”

His tone was too calm, too monotone, the sound sending chills down Han’s spine.

The pain that Minho is in is something that he never shows anyone. He doesn’t like to be vulnerable. He couldn’t help but look at Chris’ wedding ring and think that he should’ve done something, anything to stop him from marrying you. He told himself that it wasn’t his relationship. He even asked Changbin if he was actually going to let this happen. Changbin just looked at him and said, “Does it kill me? Yes. Do I want to be the groom instead of the groomsman? Absolutely. But she’s happy. What I want is nothing compared to seeing her happy.” Just that singular memory gave him enough fuel to do what he had to do. He made a promise to himself in that moment, he will never let Chris close enough to be able to hurt you again.

Chris didn’t make a move, Minho could see that he was shocked. Which only fueled his rage.

Han had to cut in, “Minho… she’s asking for you.” Minho's heart twisted again as he loomed over Chris.

Minho sucked his teeth, “Even after nearly killing her, killing her child, ruining her life… Even now she’s still saving you without even knowing it. You have your chance, if I were you, I’d take it.” Minho stormed out of the room.

With that, Han looked at the rest of the boys, “Make sure he leaves, he’s already banned from the room. You are all welcome to come back up since it was clear who caused her to spiral. She wants you all as well. She’s scared we’re worried or that we’ll leave her.”

Hyunjin looked at Han and said, “We’ll be there. Go to her.”

As soon as Han left the room he saw Minho duck into your room.

When Minho came in he heard you saying, “Where’s MinMin? I don’t know what happened, m’scared Binnie, where's MinMin and Hannie? Lixie did they leave me?” Minho knew that whenever you were scared, you started using pet names. They felt safe to you. With your MinMin, Binnie, Lixie, and Hannie around, you'd be safe. Your voice is low and quivering, fear and panic clear. It's ripping him apart, reminding him almost of a child. A child trying to not let on how scared they are. You were a lot like a child in that way, you were so hurt you didn’t know who to trust, but the minute you see people you are sure won’t hurt you, you start asking for the others, knowing you can trust them to say the truth. You also reminded Minho of someone trying to cry silently, the quake in your voice giving you away.

From Minho’s view, all that could be seen is Changbin, grabbing his sweatshirt and putting it on, hood up. It was your favorite hoodie that Binnie wears, full of different stitches and felt like a cloud. He made fleeting eye contact with Minho. Just in those few seconds he could see Bin’s eyes trying to focus on not collapsing, yet trying to get Minho to understand. Minho could only imagine that what happened minutes ago was something that he had seen last night. Since Bin knew to call out to Han to get the nurses. It made his heart twist yet again, he knows that Bin isn’t used to caring for people. But you aren’t just people. You are more than that, you always have been more than that. That’s why it’s second nature to him.

“Binnie I’m scared what happened, where are my boys? Did I do something wrong, did I scare them? Will you leave too?” You asked through sniffles. Minho could see the effect those words had on Bin as he pulled the hoodie back, he spared one last gaze and flitted it towards the bed as if to say, watch me. If you can’t do what I’m about to do, don’t come in. Then he changed his face completely before turning to you and walking out of Minho’s field of vision. That killed Minho too. How Bin knew instinctually to change his face, his gaze softening.

“What happened isn’t something you need to worry about. You didn’t do anything wrong and the boys aren’t scared. I’m not going anywhere, see I was just putting my hoodie on, its your favorite. You don’t need to be afraid. I’m here. So is Lixie.” Bin’s voice was soothing, calm, steady, eventhough Minho identified the cracks in his foundation with only two seconds looking into his eyes.

Felix added as he tried to calm you saying, “We aren’t going anywhere okay? We are just making sure you’re going to be comfortable. MinMin’s coming and so is Hannie, Okay?”

Minho put on a smile, “I’m here”, hiding his pain for now. Your eyes were darting as you looked at him. Tearstains still painting your cheeks, fresh ones about to fall. You looked so dazed and confused as you looked around the room like you haven't been in it before.

You smiled at Minho, “MinMin…” more tears fell as you gaze fell on Minho’s eyes, “You didn’t leave? Binnie, Lixie, and Hannie said so but… m’scared… I don’t remember what happened,”

Minho wanted to curl you into a ball and shelter you, make sure no one could sneak up on you, that Chris couldn’t get his hands on you again, spew more poison all over this healing space, your personal space. He wanted to tuck you in and stand watch, everything in him drove him to shield and protect you. He couldn’t show that though. He couldn’t call attention to what just happened. It could upset the balance that you are in. Instead he decided on another approach.

“Binnie was right, Beautiful. What happened isn’t important right now. What matters is that we are here with you, we’re going to keep you safe, okay?” Minho reached out and dried your tears with the sleeve of his shirt.

The nurse was just finishing giving you medicine, “What’d they give you? Something good?” Minho smiled warmly. He looked to the nurse who said, “Yes, she’ll be able to sleep no doubt. We’re also giving her medicine every six hours for the anxiety,” she smiled. That made Minho smile wide. He couldn’t help but be relieved for you. You are finally getting the medicine you need.

Minho looked at her and said, “Thank you so much, for taking care of her and coming so quickly.”

She just nodded and turned the lights off.

You yawned and started tearing up a little as you reached for Bin, “Don’t leave, Binnie…Lixie.” Felix was right at your hand as he said, “M’right here, it’s going to be okay. MinMin, Bin, all of us are here to make sure you’ll be okay.” Felix could see your shoulders slowly drooping as the medicine hit you. It was clear that the medicine was making you sleepy. That made everyone smile. You have had nothing but panic, havoc, and destruction. You deserved rest.

You looked at Minho and said, “I’m tired but I want my boys. You’ll wake me when they come back MinMin?”

Minho nodded and said, “Of course, Beautiful.”

You nodded then looked to Bin, “Binnie, I’m tired, if I sleep you’ll stay with me? I don’t want to ask too much, but can I have cuddles while I sleep?” Everyone in the room could tell that you were looking for constant reassurance. You just got out of a bad PTSD flashback, triggered by the man that caused the trauma, all on top of getting no sleep. Han walked in after making sure that Chris couldn’t make it back into the room, only walking in after he was sure Chris was in the elevator and clear of the area.

When Changbin heard you calling out to him, saying you’re scared he just wanted to hold and protect you. He successfully coaxed you out of the flashback. His whole being broke when you came out of it so disoriented. The first things you asked Bin was, “Why did he do that? Why did they do that I don’t know why? What happened?” Then immediately after, “I’m scared.” He didn’t know what to say to that first half. It’s inconceivable how anyone could cheat on anyone, especially someone like you. Trying to answer that question would only prove to be more frustrating for you than anything. Apparently the shock was written on Bin’s face as the nurse explained.

The nurses gently talked to Bin about what he was seeing, he’s never seen you like this and they explained that when someone comes out of a flashback episode, they are very confused. Sometimes they don’t know where they are or what happened. He learned that it was necessary to be very calm in repeating yourself, and ensuring the person coming out of it that everything is going to be okay and that they are safe. The nurse that was in the room with you was the one who coached Bin through the worse of it. He just had to keep pushing, to make you feel safe. He himself was also on the brink of collapse. The wall he made in his mind, to hold all the emotions inside around you, started failing long ago. More rubble falling by the minute.

Bin was trying to be as strong as he could be as he got into the bed with you, pulling you to him, and petting your hair back, “Of course we can cuddle. I am not going anywhere okay? I wouldn’t dream of it. Just take deep breaths. Let the medicine work, Angel.” He looked at you, so small, sweaty, tired, fragile. Felix immediately started tucking you in. Taking time to ensure sealing all of the edges of your body to stay nice and warm. Then he moved your hand to cuddle Bin, knowing that you’d want it there. He resumed his place at your back, he re-tied your gown that was coming loose, then slowly rubbing circles on your back, trying to soothe you. Bin tried to figure out how Chris could hurt someone so precious to him, to all of them. He couldn’t wrap his brain around it. Like that, more bricks fell from the wall.

“M’safe?” You asked Bin, eyes still brimming with unshed tears as you looked up at him. As soon as they were knocked free he used his thumb to wipe them away.

With me…“Always. No one is going to hurt you.” Not while I’m here. He brushed your cheekbone, you head leaning into his touch reflexively. More of the wall crashed to the ground. He gently guided your head down to his chest.

Even though you were being forcibly calmed by the medicine, he could see it. Your eyebrows were tense, still a quiver in your lip. The worst was the shaking. As he held you he could feel the tremble in your entire body. Your hands shook as you held on to his hoodie, rubbing the pattern to calm yourself.

After a few minutes passed, the boys went to come back in, but Han stopped them, just to explain to them what happened. He also gave them the rundown of how to talk to you and redirect and reassure you, that way you can rest.

“She doesn’t look like herself right now, that’s because she is still in a very fragile mental state, she’s going to repeat herself, she’s going to say she’s scared, a lot of things that will make you want to break. You cannot break in front of her. That can make her worse. If you need I can guide you through it. Just stay close to me, okay?”All of the boys nodded and went in. Minho let you know.

“Minnie, you here?” You asked.

“Yes I am, Birdie.” Seungmin said as he walked into your field of vision getting down to your level, “Getting sleepy, Birdie?” You nodded as tears started to spring to your eyes.

Seungmin’s nickname for you is Birdie. When you started hanging out with him more, he noticed something. Whenever you had a song stuck in your head, you would sing it on repeat. Your voice was always very soft, shy, melodic. It reminded him of the morning birds, so one day he called you Birdie and you smiled ear to ear. No one heard him call you that until now, since Seungmin is more an observer than a talker.

“If I sleep, you won’t go anywhere? I’m scared you’ll leave and I won’t see you again.” your tears fell as you looked directly into Seungmin’s eyes.

Seungmin whispered, “Oh my sweet Birdie,” as he kissed your forehead trying not to cry, drying your tears immediately, “You don’t need to be scared, I’m not going anywhere without you. You will always have me, okay? Right now all you need to do is rest, okay Birdie?”

You nodded then said, “Jinnie and Innie too? They’re here too?”

“Mhm, everyone’s here, Birdie.” Seungmin is doing his best to see you relax, lightly petting your hair, “So just close your eyes for me, let yourself rest, we’re here.” As if on command you slowly closed your eyes. What he doesn’t know is Innah is trying not to cry. Seeing the interaction cracking him open again.

Your breathing started calming and as Bin felt your body relax into him, your grip completely loosening. Seungmin didn’t stop petting your hair until he was sure you were out. Only then, did he go to IN’s side, where IN’s tears soaked into his shirt.

Bin played with your hand for a few seconds, seeing how delicate they are as well as gauging how asleep you are. Seeing no reaction from you he draped his hand over yours as he heard a ghost of mere minutes ago, ‘Please just let me die. Let me go.’ The wall collapsed and he started crying. Trying not to shake you at all as he kissed the crown of your head.

“No one’s going to hurt you, I promise. I got you. You’re going to be okay. You have to be.” Bin didn’t care who saw him. He felt so helpless, his soul is breaking for you as he cradled you. He can’t help but think that it’s all his fault. How could it not be? He didn’t follow his gut, he didn’t make the move, and now you’re suffering because of it. He kissed your hairline as he did his best to stop the pain in his chest, worried that you’d hear his heart breaking.

Minho watched as tears fell down his face. Seeing you like this and Bin, the one who gave up his own happiness… Handed his heart over to another man, only to see his heart used and abused. He could feel the pain radiating off of Bin. Minho heard a sniffle and looked to Seungmin. Seungmin always had a placid smile to his face, all Minho found was a quivering lip, tears falling, as he watched Bin.

Seungmin was seeing how perfect you are together, like he always saw, and seeing how broken you both are, yet you are both so strong together. That made Seungmin cry. Even though both of you are in agony right now, torn to shreds, you still clung to eachother, making a silent pact to make it together.

“You can’t leave me here…” He leaned back to see you. Another specter paid a visit, ‘Binnie it hurts. Help me pleaseee’. He felt his chest caving in at the memory. He willed himself to breathe normally, each pull of air burning his lungs, the muscles wanting to constrict. He cradled your head, trying to keep you as close to his heart as possible, “I need you, My Angel.” Bin felt Felix’s hand wrap around his shoulders, much like Bin would do for Lix when he cried.

Bin couldn’t imagine a world without you in it. A life without you. He knows the pain alone would kill him, kill all the boys. Your love, friendship, and loyalty is second to none. You are just that way. That beautiful, that kind, that irreplaceable. That is what makes Bin distraught, the thought of no you in the world… even finishing that sentence is unimaginable.

Han looked up at Bin, trying to will himself not to cry. The both of you are so sweet, so kind. He could see the weight on Bin’s shoulders, crushing him. He could see it in his head, Bin keeping everything bad from crashing on top of you, his arms outstretched, using his whole body as a shield. Han knew that if it meant keeping you safe, Bin would carry the world. That’s what separated Bin from Chris.

Both may be fond of you. Only one has ever put your safety over everything. Only one ever made you feel heard and seen. Only one ever made you laugh until you cried. Only one would take off work to take care of you when you’re sick. Only one made you understand that there is no priority above you. Only one would calm you with just a touch. Only one truly loves you with their heart and soul. That “only one” was in the bed with you right now.

Han watched, eventually just letting the tears fall as Bin held you saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you, I’m sorry. I love you… I’m so sorry. Don’t leave me.”

That was the first time Changbin had ever let himself say it out loud, “I love you so much it hurts…I Can’t Lose You.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Want more? TELL ME SO!

Want in on the tags? Shoot an Ask and consider it done!

THE CHAOS EXPRESS🚂❤️❤️

@Fuckthinking, @feybin , @1-800-shedevil , @channiesbakery, @channieswhore , @hwangswhore , @seungminhour , @skzms, @angstraykids, @roseykat , @seventeenytiny , @dreaming-medium , @thunderous-wolf , @hanjsquokka , @moonjxsung , @diddybok , @fics-lovebot, @seungminssangel, @straykeedz, @tasteracha, @ven-fic-recs , @euphoric-univers, @camilagonzalex, @juskz, @antoniorhinothethird, @mariteez, @armystay89, @i-like-nougat, @yeonjunsfox , @laylasbunbunny ,@uwuitsjungwoo , @3racha-soup , @bandolls , @bomi-ja , @skzfairyyyf8te , @3rachababygirl , @symptoms-of-moonlight , @hiddlestandom , @stay-fr0sty-r0yal-milk-tea , @8rach4, @bear8585 , @tenshimara , @galamxy, @fairlylilo , @skzms , @lolareadsimagines , @lillithathecat , @manuosorioh , @jazziwritesthings , @soulsbbg , @tuskaruska , @emmxxsworld , @maaatyroshka , @orchid-mantis-petals ,

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sydsaint · 9 months

Text

Please I love this secret softie so much 😩

Summary: Adam pairs the reader off with Max to get rid of him for the night. The reader finds it to be a nuisance at first. But she quickly learns that there is more to Max than what everyone sees on tv.

It's a typical Wednesday night for the AEW roster. Dynamite is about halfway through its broadcast and the team of MJF and Adam Cole have just picked up another win in the blind tag team elim tournament.

"Great work out there, Adam, good buddy." Max playfully hits Adam on the back of the shoulder with a hearty chuckle.

"Yeah, thanks." Adam nods stiffly, still not used to Max being this friendly.

The pair are returning to the locker rooms when Adam spots Roderick coming down the hall, and you're with him. He grits his teeth at the thought of dealing with another bout of Roderick and Max drama.

"Hey, Adam, buddy. Isn't that Roderick down the hall?" Max speaks up after a moment. "Woah! And who's the hottie that's with him?" He adds when he spots you next to Roderick.

"That's my sister," Adam replies dryly. "Y/N."

Max's eyes widen in surprise as you grow closer with Roderick in tow. The two of you are casually catching up since you haven't seen Roderick in a while. "Your sister?" Max repeats Adam. "I didn't know you had a sister."

"Well, I do." Adam nods. "Y/N, Roddy! What are you two doing here?" He asks when you finally get to his side.

"I'm here catching up with Roddy." You shrug. "And Roddy's just here to film some stuff for next week's show." You add. "Who's your buddy?"

Adam glances at Max who is essentially staring a hole into your head before he turns back to you and Roddy, a plan now implanted in his head. "This is Max, my tag partner for the tournament." He explains. "Hey, can I talk to you for a second, Y/N?" He asks you.

"Sure." You shrug and step away from Roderick and Max with Adam. "What do you want?" You ask your brother plainly. "And don't act like you don't want something, Adam. I can tell by the look on your face that you do."

"Guilty," Adam admits. "Listen can you do me a favor and please hang out with Max for the rest of the night?" He asks you.

Your jaw twitches in response to Adam's request. "Really?" You narrow your eyes at him. "Why me?"

"He thinks you're hot," Adam explains. "Please, Y/N? He's driving me insane." He pleads with you.

"So you want to drop him on me so he can bother me instead?" You reply.

"It's just for tonight, I promise." Adam doesn't let up. "Come on! Just take him out for drinks and make him buy." He suggests.

You close your eyes and let out a small sigh. "Fine." You grit your teeth. "But you owe me, Adam!" You poke his chest.

"I know." Adam nods. "Thank you."

"Yeah yeah." You sigh again. "Hey, Max!" You turn and walk back over to Max and Roderick. "We're all planning on heading out for drinks tonight, but I'm leaving right now. You want to come with me?" You ask him.

"Really?" Max replies. "Adam, you didn't mention that we were gonna get drinks after the show." He turns to Adam.

Adam shrugs and quickly makes up a lie to cover his ass. "Uh, yeah." He nods. "I was going to tell you when we got back to the locker room."

"Oh." Max nods. "Yeah, sure. I'm always doing for a little pre-gaming before the real fun begins. I'll see you in a bit then, buddy." He grins at Adam.

"Right." Adam flashes you a pleading look.

You get the hint and begrudgingly tap Max on the shoulder. "Come on, let's get out of here. Adam, We'll see you in a bit. Say hey to Britt for me." You dismiss yourself and Max.

The journey from the arena out to one of the bars nearby is mostly silent. It isn't until you and Max are settled at the end of the bar does he really speaks up.

"Get whatever you want. The first round is on me." Max offers with a smile.

"Thanks." You match his smile and order a drink from the bartender.

You and Max both get your drinks and fall into a casual conversation. "So, Adam didn't tell me that he had a sister," Max explains. "What do you do for a living? You in the business like Adam?" He asks you.

"I wrestle for ROH." You nod and take a sip from your drink. "Have been for about 10 years now." You add.

"Really?" Max replies with intrigue. "You must wrestle under a different name?"

You take another sip from your drink and scan the bar. As you look around a reasonably attractive guy catches your eye for a second. You smile at him before you turn back to Max. "Yeah, I didn't want to deal with the drama and piggyback of using the Cole name when Adam was already getting so popular."

"Right. You wanted to make your own name." Max nods.

"Exactly." You are a bit surprised by Max's understanding of your situation. "Anywho, what about you? How is tagging with Adam going? Weren't you two at one another's throats a few months ago?" You ask him.

Max nods and brings his drink to his lips. "Yeah, I guess we did kind of hate each other for a while there." He chuckles. "But I don't know. Adam kind of seems like he's willing to let the past be in the past you know? At least I hope he does. I've been having fun these past few weeks with him. He's a good friend."

"None of your other friends are jealous of Adam getting all your attention?" You joke with a small laugh.

"No, not really," Max replies quietly and you notice him fidgeting with his glass. "Truth be told, I don't really have many friends." He chuckles to himself. "Everyone is just kind of gone now. Not that I'm not the one that burned all those bridges." He explains.

Your eyes widen a little bit at Max's surprising heartfelt confession. "Oh." You reply quietly and finish off your drink. "Yeah, I kind of know what you mean." You let out a small sigh. "Sure, when you've been in the business long enough, you're bound to burn some bridges and make some enemies. But I'd like to think that I've burned just a few more than I should have."

"You too huh?" Max matches your self-deprecating laugh.

You and Max talk a little bit more about work and your habit of making enemies out of friends. And soon enough, you start to feel bad that you assumed that Friedman was a bad guy.

"Hey, can I tell you something, Max?" You ask after you've got a few drinks in you.

"Sure." Max nods. "What's up."

You play with your empty glass for a moment and try to get over your embarrassment. "Adam kind of asked me to take you out for drinks so he could get away for the night." You explain sheepishly. "He's not coming."

"...Oh," Max replies quietly and your heart breaks.

"I'm so sorry." You shake your head. "I've heard so many stories about how much of an egotistical dickhead you are. And I just assumed that all the stories were true. But we've been sitting here for like 3 hours now. And you're not! You really seem like a great guy! And I'm the one that's a total bitch here."

You finish your confession and study Max's face while you wait for a response. And you fully expect Max to either chew you out or simply just get up and ditch you right then and there. But he doesn't. Instead, you watch him compose himself and beckon the bartender over for another drink.

"It's alright." Max turns to you while the bartender is getting you and Max both another drink. "Trust me, I know how unbearable I can get at times." He chuckles. "Adam probably just wanted some time alone with Britt. I get it. And I get you thinking that way about me. Everyone believes it. Trust me." He adds.

"Do you want me to go?" You move to get out of your chair and leave.

Max shakes his head and hands you a fresh drink. "You can if you want." He assures you. "But I'd like to keep this night going if you do too. Personally, I think that it's time that both of us stop burning those bridges when things get tough."

"Yeah? Me too. Thanks, Max." You nod and sit back down in your seat.

#wrestling #aew #aew dynamite #all elite wrestling #aew dark #aew fanfiction #aew imagine #aew elevation #aew wrestling #mjf imagine #mjf #mjf aew #maxwell jacob friedman #mjf & adam #adam cole #aew collision

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jbbartram-illu · 6 months

Note

Do you have a favourite artist right now or a particular source of inspiration? :)

Oohh this is always a hard one to answer, but I love to think about it!

I'm currently falling down a Lascaux/European cave art rabbit hole as I plan more mugs, as I love the freedom of the brush strokes used to create the beautiful beasts and the way it speaks to something deep in my brain (& seems to resonate with other people as well!).

I also find myself constantly inspired by Marc Chagall, not in a way where I try to replicate anything about his art, but more trying to capture the mood of the figures his work, especially all the silly, joyful animals, and also the way his art often has a lightness about it (both visually and in spirit).

And in terms of my fellow pottery folk, I feel like I've made a ton of lovely, inspiring friends across various social medias - from here, @sleepnoises & @moldspace are doing such gorgeous work, and I also love @claypigeonpottery's gorgeous sgraffito work.

Elsewhere, there's Clay Baby, Britt Wilson, Goblin Hands, Ceramibee, Chickadee Ceramics (who also fires my work & is a great kiln tech alongside her pottery work) and I'm sure I'm missing some pals! And of course there are a zillion other artists (contemporary & non) who bring my brain joy & probably influence my work, but I'll stop here :)

#artblog #pottery #ceramics #ceramicart #ask #ask answered #froggymuffins

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cevansbrat0007 · 5 months

Text

Hey everyone. I feel like I've been very sporadic with my posts lately. I've got a lot of ideas and stories that I want to share with you, but I honestly just haven't had the time to write the way I want.

A lot of my WIPs are at the halfway mark, which is good. But the monkey wrench in all of this is that I signed myself up for another IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program).

It runs four days a week from 6-9pm and is (thankfully) only 6 minutes away from my job. So basically, these days I go to work and then I go to group therapy. Like almost every day.

It's a lot. But it's also good for me. But then again, so is writing. It's my outlet...argh!

I guess I just wanted to say that I'm doing the best I can right now. So please be patient and hopefully I'll have more content to share with you soon.

Love,

Britt ❤️

#britt's notes

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obrother1976 · 7 months

Note

top 10 favorite academic papers pretty please!!!!

love u anon <33 here u go:

"Taste and see that the Lord is sweet" (Ps. 33:9): The Flavor of God in the Monastic West by Rachel Fulton (this fully was a work of art. from the discussion at the beginning of what it means to taste to the fictional interlude of the reader talking to rupert von deutz.. im forever in love w this one)

WOUNDING, SEALING, AND KISSING: BRIDAL IMAGERY AND THE IMAGE OF CHRIST by Lieke Smits (didnt talk about anything else for like a week after reading this. this ones less on here for the way its written and more for what its about bc im obsessed w devotional literature and recountings of visions of christ)

Wilde's "Salomé" and the Ambiguous Fetish by Amanda Fernbach (the only thing u'll ever need to read on salome. kidding ofc but this was by far the most interesting discussion about salome that i've ever read)

Masochism and Piety by Robert M. Pierce (a classic for this blog. i've literally posted about this one time and time again and for good reason tbh. only thing that im still mad about is that i cant find the cited prayer tracts anywhere online </3)

Erotic Martyrdom: Kingsley's Sexuality beyond Sex by Charles Barker (i'll never get tired of reading about kingsley. and every time u hear the words "erotic" in a theological context trust i will be there lmao)

Praying the Rosary: The Anal-Erotic Origins of a Popular Catholic Devotion by Michael P. Carroll (this ones rlly just here bc it was so balls to the wall. personally i dont think theres much actual academic value here but i love it anyway)

Rolle's Eroticized Language in The Fire of Love by Brad Peters (could talk about richard rolle for days. & this paper is exactly about what i find so interesting about him & devotional lit in general - the reader/writer dynamic and which role the writer assigns each of them)

Sociology and the Problem of Eroticism by Chris Shilling and Philip A. Mellor (the one sociological paper in here lmao. i prommy thats not on purpose, im just more of a book reader when it comes to sociology)

Touching and Not Touching: The Indirections of Desire by Naomi Segal (esp the part about getting inside the body of the other. originally only started reading this for dead ringers related reasons but its so dear to me now. i just love discussions about the senses in general)

Totalitarian Lust: From "Salò" to "Abu Ghraib" by Eduardo Subirats, Christopher Britt Arredondo (was trying to get more into film studies and such so i just randomly typed in a few of my favourite movies to see if something popped up and then i found this masterpiece)

#the theme of this blog continues to be eroticised theology #wish there were some about nazisploitation on here but i have yet to find a single good paper on that...#i do feel a bit bad for the lack of sociological stuff on here but rn the only sociological essays im reading r about farming for my exam #so im mad at her (sociology) rn #ask

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claymorexpunisher · 11 months

Text

Updated, Upcoming & Finished Work…

Key: S: Smut, F: Fluff, A:Angst)

Completed/Updated stories are in blue font. This list will be updated as I finish writing.

•Request: Britt Baker x Reader (S)

-Summary: This is an anon request from long ago came with absolutely no details soooo I'm taking some liberties lol. Britt and Reader get off on the wrong foot. Some good ole hate fucking ensues. (Tags/TWs: 18+, I'll be writing a male reader version and female reader version, hate fucking, enemies to hatefuck buddies, heel!Britt/babyface!Reader, hotel room sex.)

•Cody Rhodes x Reader (F/A)

-Summary: Cody and Reader have a forbidden romance. Reader is Brock’s advocate. Her girlfriends cover for her as she goes to make sure Cody’s okay after a brutal assault by Brock. (Tags/TWs: budding romance, forbidden romance, injury, a bit of angst, first kiss; Brock is more obsessed with Cody than the reader herself, let’s be real.)

(Read “Behind Closed Doors” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Cody Rhodes x Reader (S)

-Prompt: If you want to come, you’re going to have to beg. (Tags/TWs: orgasm denial, toys. Filth. Just pure filth. Sorry in advance… no I’m not.)

(Read “If You Want to Come, You Better Beg” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Damian Priest x Fem Reader :

-Summary: Damian and Reader hilariously argue with one another in Spanish during a segment. Rhea has to step in. (Tags/TWs: banter, kayfabe arguing, heel/babyface segment.)

(Read “The Last Word” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Damian Priest x Fem. Reader (F):

-Summary: Reader gets a bit jealous watching Damian celebrate his NXT North American Championship win with beautiful women. (Tags/TWs: established relationship, jealousy, tooth-rotting fluff, hurt/comfort.)

(Read “Worthy” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Drew McIntyre x Fem. Reader (S):

-Summary: Reader comes back from a friend’s birthday party only to realize she’s being followed. (Tags/TWs: 18+, consensual kink, consensual non-consent, dirty talk- lots of it, simulated stalking. )

(Read “(Un)Willing Participant” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Drew McIntyre x Fem Reader (F):

-Summary: Vamp and Farmer!Drew catches Vamp!Reader in the act of feeding off his animals in order to survive. (Tags/TWs: budding romance, farmer!Drew, vampires, blood drinking, animal death but nothing graphic, I promise.)

(Read “Bound by Fate” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Drew McIntyre x Fem. Reader x Roman Reigns (S)

-Summary: Reader has a bit of a filthy fantasy. Her boyfriends, Drew and Roman, take it upon themselves to fulfill that fantasy for her- without the need for getting arrested. (Tags/TWs: 18+, simulated public sex, consensual kink, sex in a home theater, a lil dirty talk, Dom/Sun dynamic.)

(Read “Just Like at the Movies” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Judgement Day x Fem. Reader (F)

Summary: Scottish!Reader has Dom, Damian, and Rhea try Scottish foods like haggis and black pudding while they're on tour. Things don't go so well for DomDom.😂 (Tags: wholesomeness, Dom trying his best not to puke, on the road shenanigans. Requested by @motorcitygem)

(Read “Ith do Shath!” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Judgement Day x Fem. Reader (S)

Summary: This takes place a little bit before Edge's departure. They and Reader have a little fun at Edge's home, but the cracks in the faction start to slowly show as they all fight over control during their scene with Reader. (Tags/TWs: 18+, gangbang, overstimulation, jealousy, possessive!JD, vaginal penetration, fingering, oral sex- male and female receiving, consensual kink.)

(Read “At Their Service” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Live Forever (Ch.1) (Judgement Day x Fem Reader (F/S/A)

-Summary: Human!Reader comes into the WWE as Hunter's personal assistant. During one of Hunter's meetings with Vamp!Rhea, Vamp!Damian, Vamp!Dom, and Demon!Finn, JD and Reader take an instant liking to one another. (Tags/TWs: 18+, consensual sex, budding poly relationship, sex in the workplace, biting, slight bloodplay.)

(Read Ch. 1 of “Live Forever” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Idea: Liv Morgan x Ruby Soho (F)

-Summary: Liv asks Ruby why Ruby fell in love with her. (Tags/TWs: tooth rotting fluff, established relationship, hurt/comfort.) I believe I wrote this prompt a long time ago and now I can't find it. So I figured it'd be fun to rewrite something similar!)

•Idea: Mercedes Mone x Fem. Reader (F/S)

-Summary: Mercedes loves to spoil her girl as often as she can, so they decide to take Mercedes' new limo for a spin. (Tags/TWs: 18+, sugar mommy!Mercedes😼, oral sex, begging, sex in a limo.)

•MJF x Fem. Reader x Baron Corbin (S)

-Summary: Max and Corbs like to share everything. Including their girlfriend. (Tags/TWs: 18+, threesome, sex in a private jet, name-calling, biting, fingering, daddy kink, consensual kink.)

(Read “Mile High Club” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•MJF x Fem. Reader x Wardlow (S)

-Summary: Max, Reader, and Wardlow are all living together for the week while reader’s apartment is being repaired... (Tags/TWs: 18+, thigh riding, dirty talk, Dom/Sub undertones, threesome.)

(Read “Three’s Company” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Rhea Ripley x Fem. Reader (F and a little bit S)

-Summary: Rhea and Reader are an on-screen couple. So of course, Reader "jokingly" offers to “practice" their kissing for if the necessity arises. (Tags/TWs: first kiss, flirting, onscreen relationship turns very real.)

(Read “First Kiss” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Roman Reigns x Fem Reader x Damian Priest (S)

-Summary: Reader enters Liberación looking for stress relief and light smut ensues. (Tags/TWs: 18+, voice kink, , first time kinkster, simultaneous praise and humiliation kink, consensual kink) within the Liberación world)

(Read “Voices like Honey” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Roman Reigns x Male Reader (S)

-Summary: (Requested) Roman and Male Reader have some fun of their own in the ring after everyone’s gone for the night. (Tags/TWs: 18+, established relationship, anal sex, consensual sex in public, soft!Ro.)

(Read “Outta the Spotlight” on Tumblr & Ao3)

•Idea: Seth x Fem. Reader (S)

-Summary: Reader comes over while Seth’s sister-reader’s bff- isn’t home.

(Tags/TWs: best friend’s brother, Reader is in her mid 20’s, consensual sex, doggy style, hint of exhibitionism, biting (if you blink).

(Read “BFB” on Tumblr & Ao3)

* WIP/Series Updates:

-Liberación (Chapter 6 &7/?)

(Main Pairing(s): Damian Priest/OFC, Roman Reigns/OFC, Drew McIntyre/OFC, Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley) (S/F/A)

(Read “Liberación” on Tumblr & Ao3)

-Primed for Sin (Chapter 2/2) (Pairing(s): Werewolf!Roman Reigns/Sex Demon!Reader/Werewolf!Baron Corbin/Vamp!Drew McIntyre) (S)

(Read “Primed for Sin” on Tumblr & Ao3)

-Brats Have More Fun (Chapter 2/?) (Misc. Pairings) (S/F/A)

(Read “Brats Have More Fun” on Tumblr & Ao3)

-As Fate Would Have It (Chapter 6/?) (Pairing(s): Drew McIntyre x OFC) (S/F/A)

(Read “As Fate Would Have It” on Tumblr & Ao3)

-Lock & Key (Chapter 5/?) (Main Pairing(s): Drew McIntyre x OFC) (S/F/A)

-Sweet Dreams (Chapter 2/2)

(Main Pairings: PT. 1: Roman Reigns/Reader, PT.2: Jey Uso/Reader) (S/F)

(Read “Sweet Dreams” on Tumblr & Ao3)

#gigis wrestling wips #gigis wip list #wip list #update list #fic updates #wip updates #wwe fic #wwe fanfic #wwe fanfiction #wrestling fic #wrestling fanfic #wrestling smut #wrestling fluff #wrestling angst

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rodeoromeo · 9 months

Text

MOVING AID REQUEST

Hi all <3 Britt here again! I'm really hoping this part of my life is over soon, but I'm in the home stretch. As you may know, I am being displaced from my current house and life due to an inability to find extraneous work during the writers and actors strike that has put a halt to the profession I studied and have been working in consistently for the past 4 years. At the moment I am looking for funds to aid in my move from Los Angeles back to my parents house in New York where I'll be free of my rent expenses and hopefully get my feet back under me. I am looking for general funds to aid in shipping some of my possessions back home, to fix my car for the drive (oil change, tire change), my student loan payments, and to pay various lingering expenses I have with my current apartment such as my power bill. Anything anyone has available to help would be so greatly appreciated. It's a difficult time and I'm just trying to make the best of it! I really appreciate all the help that people have given me so far and I feel so grateful to be a part of this community. So much love to you all <3

PAYPAL

VENMO

scrungly george for your troubles <3

#mutual aid #community aid #aid request #writers strike #sag aftra #wga #wga solidarity #sag aftra strike #iatse #fundraising #op

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stories-of-the-nrm · 4 months

Text

The Great Race Part 1

Narrator: It was a beautiful summer day on the Island of Sodor. Everyone works on their delivering their trains on time. Gordon especially, takes great pride in making sure the Express arrives on time.

(We see Gordon waiting at a red signal. Suddenly Thomas blows his whistle.)

Gordon: Gahh!

Thomas (laughing): Wake up lazy wheels! The Express can't be stopped all day you know. Some of us have work to do. I bet I can make it to Vicarstown faster than you.

(Gordon moans. The signal turns green and Gordon speeds away.)

Annie: That wasn't very nice, Thomas.

Clarabel: You know that Gordon's a very fast engine. He'll make you look very silly.

(Thomas calms down.)

Thomas: Relax, ladies. I'm just teasing him. And besides, the Express always has the right of way. Everyone knows that.

(We follow Gordon through his journey on the Main Line until he stops at the station in Vicarstown.)

Gordon: Oh yes. Right on time. Of course that isn't a surprise if you're me.

(Donald who's pulling a freight train to the Mainland just rolls his eyes.)

Narrator: As he waits for his departure time, Gordon hears Thomas' whistle.

Gordon: Well, well, well little Thomas. Looks like I beat you to Vicarstown after all.

(Thomas pulls up to the platform right next to Gordon's.)

Thomas: Oh come on, Gordon. It's not like we were really racing.

(Gordon is about to say something when he hears a whistle he hasn't heard in a long time.)

Gordon: No. It couldn't be.

(Thomas looks in the direction Gordon's looking in.)

Thomas: Wow. Is that who I think it is?

Narrator: A large green engine with two tenders backs into Vicarstown station next to Thomas.

Thomas: Hello there. I'm Thomas. Are you who I think you are?

(Before he can speak, Gordon cuts in.)

Gordon: Yes Thomas, you should know who this is. This is my brother, the Flying Scotsman.

Flying Scotsman: Oh! Hello, Gordon. Haven't seen you in a while. Don't tell me your run has been shorted to Vicarstown already.

Gordon (scoffing): Oh please. Like my controller would ever shorten my run. I always run my trains on time and provide reliable services.

Thomas: You don't even travel 100 miles on a one way trip, Gordon. I'm sure the Flying Scotsman works way harder than you do.

(He laughs.)

Flying Scotsman: Oh I wouldn't be so formal, Thomas. You can just call me, Scott. Why calling me the Flying Scotsman almost makes me sound famous.

(Gordon rolls his eyes.)

Gordon: Just say what you wanted to say, Scott. Some of us actually have work to do.

Scott: Ah yes. I wanted to tell you some news. Now I don't know if you heard this yet, but on the Mainland there is to be an international steam exhibition show. Many competitions will be held and I will be racing.

(Gordon makes an exasperated gasp.)

Thomas: Wow. I didn't even know engines could race.

Scott: Of course we can race. I might not be able to hit my 100 mph record, but I can still win a race or two. I wouldn't be the pride of the LNER if I wasn't fast.

Gordon (huffing): If that's all you came here to say, you wasted your breath. I wouldn’t want to be part of such foolishness anyway. I'm not a show off like you, Scott. Some of us have class.

Scott: Oh I wouldn't be so quick to blow it off, Gordon. This could be your chance to show the world what you Sodor engines are made of.

Thomas: I definitely want to go to the Mainland and show what I'm made of.

Scott (chuckling): Well Thomas, you my friend have a lot of heart. Who knows, maybe I'll see you all at the show.

(The conductor blows his whistle.)

Scott: Flying Scotsman coming through!

(The title "Hit Entertainment presents" appears.)

Flying Scotsman: Flying Scotsman, coming through!

(The subtitle "Created by Britt Allcroft" appears.)

Gordon: Ooh!

(The Flying Scotsman drives off screen with his train as the subtitle "Based on The Railway Series by the Rev W Awdry" appears. Thomas looks surprised as the subtitle "Written by Andrew Brenner" appears. We cut to a birds eye view of the track to the Mainland as the subtitles "Told by Mark Moraghan" and "Executive Producer Christopher Keenan" appear.)

Thomas: Wow. I can't believe the Great Railway Show's only a month away.

(He sees a man gluing a poster about the show saying it will take place on August 1st, 1965.)

Sir Topham Hatt: That's right, Thomas. I haven't decided if we would even be competing in the event yet. We still have a railway to run.

Thomas (a little dejected): Yes sir.

Narrator: Thomas makes his way back to the shunting yard. Gordon meanwhile, is still grumbling about seeing his brother.

Gordon: Unbelievable. My brother didn't even write to me in so long. Now out of nowhere he wants to act as if nothing happened. Typical.

(Time passes and Gordon grumbles all the way back to Tidmouth Sheds.)

Tagging: @jayde-jots, @pandorauniverse616, @klein-sodor-bahn, @colaxcoco, @glitterking599, @bluy1206, @oldslowcoach, @thefedoragirl, @nlliah, @postmodernpre-grouping, @ihatewoodpeckers, and @theyellowroseofsodor.

#flying scotsman #ttte fandom #lner a3 #ttte gordon #the great race rewrite

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fuckyeahdindjarin · 1 year

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Part VII - working on it!

Sorry guys, this isn't a 'coming soon' post - but a 'working on it' post! I'm travelling all of next week, so I probably won't be able to sit down and finish up Palomino VII until the weekend after I come back, which is mid-May. In any case, the chapter will definitely be posted within May 🦄

As always, thank you for being so patient! I hope this super pretty banner of Jack makes up for it. Seriously, this one takes the cake out of all the banners I've made.

In case you missed it, I did post some Palomino-related content for my recent follower milestone. Hopefully that scratches the itch until Fleabitten is ready (hehe get it?):

Palomino!Jack's guilty pleasures

Palomino!Jack and horses

Palomino!Jack is king of the two step

Palomino!Jack and Grays!Frankie: what action of theirs is most beloved by someone close to them that they're not aware of?

Palomino VI - Mustang moodboard

Palomino song rec: Carrying Your Love With Me

Palomino: a playlist (!!!) created by lovely Britt @vermillionwinter. I am obsessed and I'm listening to it while I write Palomino ❤️

I'll only be online intermittently for the next week or so while travelling, so if I take some time getting back to you, I'm not ignoring you! I've queued up some posts for when I'm away. See you soon lovelies!

#personal #palomino series

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quicksilverdrabbles · 11 months

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At Rorikstead

Gaia: We have arrived.

Lucien: Your digital map really is something to behold, Gaia. Even though the landscape and civilization is completely different from the first era, you can navigate it so efficiently.

Gaia: That would be thanks to my Observers. *two small drones materialize at both of her shoulders, round and much smaller than her head* They fly about Skyrim, invisible, and send me the data they find about the land's people and cities. They are very advanced compared to normal Observers, much like myself against typical Gynoids. I made them myself.

Xelzaz: How interesting. Are you able to speak to them at all?

Gaia: Yes. On a certain level, I can communicate with all Dwemer machines. I can only control the ones I create with my own hands and technology.

Taliesin: How does that work on a moral level? A machine controlling other machines, I mean.

Gaia: Similar to a general commanding her warriors. They are well aware of what they fight for. They fight for me, because I gave them life.

Taliesin: I see..

Lemkil: *in the distance, his crops, he shoves Sissel to the ground* Stupid brat! Look at you! Snivelling in the dirt when you're supposed to be working!

Sissel: *crying, sitting on the ground at her father's feet* I-I'm sorry, Papa! B-Britte took my- *hic* my shovel and I-I couldn't do what you wanted me t-to without it!

Lemkil: I don't want to hear your excuses! Time and time again you waste daylight standing around doing nothing but cry and survive off of what I earn!

Gaia: *turns toward the source of shouting, spotting Lemkil* Hostile Lifeform Detected...

Lucien: What? In Rorikstead?

Kaidan: Look there. Bastard.

Xelzaz: Indeed. What should we do, Gaia?

Gaia: ... Wait Here.

Inigo: You are going to confront him alone?

Gaia: If I must. Kaidan, when I direct his attention, see to the girl.

Kaidan: Aye.

Gaia: *nods, walking towards Lemkil and Sissel, her irises fading from yellow to red as her expression falls to a glare*

Lucien: ... *breaks away from the group and walks alongside her* If I may.. You look upset, Gaia.

Gaia: I am not upset. That Nord is a threat to the people of this settlement. He must be detained. Go back with the others.

Lucien: What if you need backup?

Gaia: I never do.

Lucien: Really? What about that one time with the Dunmer-

Gaia: *grabs Lemkil's shoulder, pulling him back just as he slaps Sissel across the face* Pardon me.

Lemkil: Huh? And who the hell are you?

Gaia: My name is Gaia. It has come to my attention that your are mistreating this child. Please step away from her.

Lemkil: What does it matter to you, huh? You some sorta hired thug? I bet that screwy wizard hired you into scaring me away from this worthless brat, eh?

Gaia: No wizard has done anything of the sort. I am here of my own accord. *her grip on his shoulder tightens* And I recommend you follow your given orders and Step Away. Or else I am afraid I will have to use force.

Lucien: I quite think you're already using force.. *watches as Lemkil winces under the pressure of her grip*

Lemkil: Get the hell off of me, you bitch! This has nothing to do with you!

Gaia: On the contrary, your endangering of a human life, especially a child, has everything to do with me.

Kaidan: *sneaks behind the group and lifts Sissel up, shushing her when she cries* C'mere, let me see. It's okay.. *brushes the red mark on her cheek with his thumb* ... Gaia-

Gaia: Yes. Take her somewhere safe.

Lemkil: Wait! You son of a bitch, don't you dare touch my daughter! Get your hands off of her!

Gaia: Please do not refer to my companion in such a vulgar manner.

Lemkil: I'll say whatever the hell I want! You aren't guards! You have no authority to do this to me!

Gaia: Perhaps not. All laws in this era, however, are.. very loosely enforced.

Xelzaz: Gaia.

Gaia: Xelzaz.

Xelzaz: I took a moment to ask some of the townspeople about this man and his two daughters. It seems to be a relatively common occurrence. Why nothing was done about it is beyond me.

Gaia: I see. *switches her grip from his shoulder to his neck, grabbing him by the base of his throat and forcing him to the ground* So this is merely a regular day for you, hm? To abuse your children?

Lemkil: It's none of your business, I said! What I do to my daughters is my business!

Gaia: Wrong Answer. *her free hand grabs the arm he slapped Sissel with, tightening her hold until a loud snap comes from his wrist*

Lemkil: AGH! What are you doing?! St-Stop it! Please!

Gaia: How quick you are to beg. Would you like me to break it? As of now your wrist is only dislocated.

Lemkil: N-No! Let me go!

Gaia: Why do you hurt your children?

Lemkil: T-They killed my wife! She-she died bringing them into this world!

Gaia: Should you not have cherished what your wife left behind, then?

Lemkil: I-I-

Gaia: Too Slow. *the hand around his wrist rises to his bicep, closing around the middle and squeezing, the limb snapping quickly*

Lemkil: A-AAAHH!! STOP! PLEASE- LET ME GO!!!

Gaia: Goodness, you're loud. Have you learned your lesson?

Lemkil: YES! Y-Yes I swear! Please, you don't have to do this! I-I'll be better, I promise!

Gaia: Good. Now listen here. *pulls him forward, her face inches from his. Frost creeps up from her fingertips and spreads at every point of contact between them* You are a disgusting man, incapable of caring for and protecting what your wife gave her life to bring into this world. You do not deserve to be a father. You did not deserve to be a husband. If your wife could see what you have become in her absence, she would take her daughters and leave you.

Lemkil: ...

Gaia: And if you ever harm this little girl again- *stops, staring into his eyes. Sees fear, but not remorse. Panic, but not guilt.*

Lemkil: *whimpers, gripping the hand around his throat in terror, broken arm dangling uselessly at his side*

Gaia: ... No. That is an outcome I cannot risk. *drags Lemkil up by the throat* Taliesin.

Taliesin: Yes?

Gaia: Cover our tracks. Ensure the guards to not follow. *turns and walks away, avoiding the main roads and routine patrols. Lowers her arm and drags Lemkil behind her, unwavering despite his struggles to escape*

Taliesin: ... Of course. Please do try not to make too much of a mess, though

Lemkil: N-No wait- please-!

Gaia: Shut up.

Lemkil: I-I swear! I won't hurt her anymore, I promise! Please you can't- You can't kill me! PLEASE!

Kaidan: *sitting in the field covering Sissels ears as Gaia drags her father away, cradling the trembling girl to his chest protectively*

Inigo: *trailing close behind her passively* I know a good place some ways away.

Xelzaz: *walking at her other side* I'll have to make a potion that eliminates the stench.

Lucien: *walking at Inigo's side, looking unnerved, but unopposing* What of the other girl? She was mistreated too..

Gaia: Britte was a victim as much as Sissel was, but she weaponized her pain. She shouldn't remain with her sister. It is better for both of them.

Lucien: And the father?

Gaia: ... Some things are better off eternally gone.

*distant screaming*

Rorikstead Guard: Hm? What on earth was that?

Taliesin: *changed back into his Thalmor robes, a hood covering his dark hair* Nothing to be concerned with, citizen. Move along with your patrol. To investigate would be to interfere with official Thalmor business.

Rorikstead Guard: O-Oh, I see. Forgive me.

Taliesin: *watches as the guard walks away* Gods, I've always hated saying that.

Kaidan: *carrying Sissel, now asleep. Walks out from behind a nearby house* Guess it does have some uses, though.

Taliesin: Yes, I suppose so. *sighs, wiping gently at a streak of dirt on Sissel's face* She's filthy. Makes me wonder if he made her sleep in a pigsty...

Kaidan: Should we wait for the others?

Taliesin: ... No, let's go back home and wait for them there. I'm of a mind to think if we wait they'll just return covered in blood. We don't want to risk her waking up to that.

Kaidan: Worst possible outcome, aye?

Taliesin: Hmph, you really are starting to sound like Gaia.

#tw abuse #tw violence #Gaia goes kinda crazy for a min #skyrim #tes #the elder scrolls #modded skyrim #dragonborn #ldb oc #skyrim oc #kaidan skyrim #lucien flavius #inigo skyrim #xelzaz skyrim #taliesin skyrim #Gaia oc

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