Happy Birthday, Alhaitham!
I wouldn't have guessed I'd bump into you two in a Sumeru tavern.
Here to give me your wishes? Thank you, it is indeed my birthday. I just hope that today will be as relaxing and enjoyable as any other.
The signature dish here at Lambad's Tavern is fish rolls. You should give them a try if you're interested.
If you stay a little longer, you'll see a couple of other familiar faces too. They're coming over from Avidya Forest, so they should be arriving any moment.
When there's something that calls for a celebration, we meet at the tavern — that's how it's always been with us four.
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Can I just say that I absolutely LOVE how ever since they all found out that MC is human and was brought here against their will, it was Lucifer who kept insisting that they shouldn't be the ones to trap MC in the Devildom. That whether they want to stay or not is a decision MC has to make themself and that the brothers should support them no matter what they end up choosing
And now that the moment is finally here, now that MC has confirmed that they indeed plan on heading home, and now that all of his brothers agreed on helping them get back, having forged a pact and lending their powers to do so—
Now that he knows that he's the final piece needed to send them back; that the lingering idea of the yet to be forged pact between them is what's stopping MC from potentially leaving their side for good, leaving his side for good—
Now that they have finally gotten to this point, he realizes something. And he's unable to live with it
And so, he goes back on his word.
He's taking that choice from them.
"I don't want to."
Lucifer's pride is what keeps his voice leveled and neutral, as if it were just another day. As if he everything was completely fine. As if he didn't feel this pain in his heart, almost as if someone had rammed a dagger through his chest over and over and over again
To most people, he'd appear to be in perfect control of his emotions—if only his gaze wouldn't completely obliterated that frail façade of his. The way his beautiful dark eyes shimmering with a hint of blood red silently plead, beg MC to stay...
Internally, he is breaking apart because he knows what he is doing isn't right. He knows that he shouldn't trap them like a bird in a cage, and yet he can't help himself. Not in this situation. Not when it comes to MC
'No'
He—Lucifer, Avatar of Pride himself—is the last thing trapping the very person that finally made him realize what his sister had meant forever ago
'I won't let you go'
How one day, someone would stumble their way into his life, and how he'd love them so wholeheartedly and so deeply that everything else would become trivial as long as he'd get to hold them in his arms
'I can't let you go'
Someone that he'd happily throw away everything for, not even considering any alternatives if only for the shred of a chance at just one last tomorrow with them
'Please stay with us. Please stay with me'
Everything.
'I cannot lose you, MC'
Even if they'll never forgive him for it.
"I'm not going to forge a pact with MC."
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One of my VERY favourite ideas is when like. Family is supposed to look out for you, in theory, but they don't. And you just get used to that, you look out for yourself, etc. But then you meet the people who have no obligation to look out for you, but consistently choose to, and they pick up the slack you didn't realize was there. And it's just obvious to them. Of course I'd do that, in what world would I not?
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I was wondering, what makes Steph and Jason’s characters different to you?
ooooooh okay I'm gonna be speaking generally here bc most of my Jason and Steph brain is taken up by my au which is obviously not canon-based
I'll start with their similarities, and then get into how I think they diverge
the most obvious similarities are their upbringings/childhoods. both with moms who are addicts, and dads in the criminal world (now, Jason's mom obviously dies and Steph's doesn't. and Steph's dad was a villain and Jason's dad was a 'goon' so there are different degrees to this)
they both grew up in poverty, were both Robin, both died (or, 'died') brutally at the hands of a villain. I think they're both underestimated and mistreated by the other bats
these similarities, though, make for very different characters. I think Steph can be seen as a impulsive, brash, eager to prove herself. she cares deeply and fundamentally wants to do good
Jason, on the other hand is angry, meticulous, pessimistic (but also, so so so secretly hopeful. like, he wouldn't keep coming back to Bruce is he didn't have some hope. he wouldn't do the whole utrh final confrontation if part of him wasn't at least a little bit hopeful it might actually go his way)
I think Steph looks at a fucked up world and thinks she can fix it (restorative justice), even if no one else thinks she can. and she's going to try and do it her way.
Jason looks at a fucked up world and thinks he can control it (preventative measures). like, I think part of his personal philosophy is well, someone has to do it I guess it'll be me since no one else is willing to do what needs to be done.
also Steph is, like, nice. and Jason is, in general, an asshole (affectionate)
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
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Oh, and I know
I can tell I'm falling further again
But I won't turn away
It's far too late for me
(It's too late for me / It's too late)
I can't really put into words how much of an iron grip this song has on me. Especially that last part, where he repeats "It's too late for me" - I can't listen to it without tearing up and waiting to sing along from the top of of my lungs. It's one of those where I desperately wish I didn't relate to it, but in a weird, sick way, I'm glad I do.
It's SUCH a cathartic feeling to just put in on full volume and sing along. I just know Vessel must've had such a visceral moment recording this (all of their songs really, but yeah).
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