#I'M SO TORN ON HOW I FEEL

[lotus-pear]

"feels like we could go on for forever this way.." (x)

#wooo new header for me <33 #also back to skk posting i missed them sm #wanted to pratice some scenery and try a new style which simplifies my current one and focuses more on colors and painting #and i'm super happy with how it turned out i think i won #for forever fits skk so well it rly brings back the bittersweet memories of when they were once partners and each others halves #and it just feels reminiscent of days gone by and they were once so close but time and life their own decisions have torn them apart #ben platt's voice is so pretty i love this song sm i heard it for the first time again in years and was slammed by all the emotions😭😭 #i was so normal abt deh when it first came out i swear #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

[nookisms]

Oops. It's a second headcanon compilation!

Don't worry, the next one will be back to our normal schedule of regular text posts and not headcanons

Masterpost

#Dark Meta Knight #Shadow Kirby #Meta Knight #Kirby #King Dedede #Daroach #marx kirby #Magolor #Bandana Waddle Dee #Bandana Dee #Marx #Kirby series #kirby headcanons #text post meme #disability headcanon #okay I wanted a particularly exhausted Dedede so I snagged him from triple deluxe #i just think Dedede would have chronic pain from. you know. getting torn in half that one time #before you come after me for Magolor's panel: I do not think ocd and intrusive thoughts make you do bad things #I just think he already had it and the Master Crown made it worse (via lingering magic from the possession) #i dunno how mental illnesses work in aliens that use magitech #I had a lot more here but I decided I'm not going to continue rambling in the tags #I can expand on any of these headcanons at any moment if you want feel free to ask #also I saved that Kirby one for last because I thought it would hit with oomph #she speks #she speks originale #she edits #yes I'm working on the masquerade I am just obsessed with making text post memes

[harmonysanreads]

Aventurine? More like ANGSTTURINE.

#thy brain is mush #on the verge of a breakdown #wtf was that ending #what on earth is even going on here????????? #i knew it was going to happen to aventurine but 😭😭😭 #was i prepared? kind of #did i still feel like my heart was being torn apart? yes #did i hated it so much but couldn't complain because this is written so well?? of course #does it still hurt? hahahahahahaha #seriously... i'm going to make sunday suffer don't ask #shaoji cooked so hard he cooked us all in the process #how do i even recover from this #if any of y'all want to cry with me plz #harmony suffers #hsr spoilers #hsr #harmonysan.txt

[kamikazeworld-art]

Something I feel a lot of people seem to forget about the relationship between the peak lords and bingqiu is that, at the end, Yue Qingyuan quietly gave Shen Qingqiu his approval and support. He was the one who urged him forward towards Binghe with a smile, letting him know he always had a home there, so he should do what makes him happy right now. He saw the love his shidi and most special person held for Binghe even in the wake of all the pain and destruction, and said in his own way "I support you".

Whatever feelings there are about their past, whatever the shape of his affection for Shen Qingqiu, it is canon that Shen Qingqiu has his FULL unconditional support in his relationship with Luo Binghe. And honestly? I love that so much.

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #scumbag system #scum villain #bingqiu #yue qingyuan #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #luo binghe #I'm actually trying to write a fic where yqy and lbh talk after lbh first wakes up post maigu ridge #where he sees just how torn up and regretful and horrified lbh is at what happened and the idea of having hurt sqq #and basically decides to give them his blessing upon seeing that his feelings are sincere even if he went about it disastrously #I love yqy and I love his and sqq(sy)'s relationship so so so much #it's so soft and warm and supportive

[demonbloodenthusiast]

91w deancas is so delusional cause they been making heart eyes at each other since day fucking one, calling the other sweatheart, thinking of kissing the other innocently just for the sake of the other being kissed, because they deserve that softness in the midst of all the chaos around them and the minute they actually get to it (motherfucking 200 pages in mind you) they try so hard to revert it back into something purely phisical with no emotions involved AND THEY KNOW THAT IT'S MORE BUT IF THEY BOTTLE IT UP AND IGNORE IT THEN ALL THE REVERENCE OF MOST OF THEIR LOOKS AND TOUCHES WILL JUST DISAPPEAR which is the epitome of the dilusional repressed gay way of doing anything

#shut up i'm feeling things again #like mind you i'm talking about shit up til chapter8 #THIS HAS BEEN ROMANTIC THIS WHOLE GODDAMN TIME THEY'RE JUST SO SCARED TO FEEL ANYTHING #like cas the repressed gay boyTM losing all self control for the first time cause of dean #and dean “just had a queer awakening caused by my CO and i'm too new to having gay thoughts to be ashamed” winchester ??? #it's a mess yall and i'm torn between being mad as hell and supporting each sorta shitty decision either of them makes #i wanna say mostly cas #but like as estabilished before #religous trauma blah blah repressed gay shit blah blah #you know how it is #i think i lost the train of thought somewhere along the way #ANYWAYSSS #i'm gonna be talking about 91w again constantly cause i'm plauged by thoughts #91w #destiel

[bonefall]

Are you doing anything particularly interesting with Sagewhisker or Raggedstar?

(also I love somebody else who appreciates Stormcloud, should've been a pov, I mean the Firestar parallels-)

Erins stop neglecting your side characters challenge. Stormcloud gets done soo dirty ://

Anyway!

Yellowfang’s Secret is getting redone into Brokenstar's Cataclysm. Much as I love Yellowfang, Brokenstar is getting suuuuper reduxed in BB and he needs to be the POV so I can tell his story. She has the opening and the rest is him.

What I want to set up in that opening, though, is at least a little bit of how hard people have made Yellowfang’s (Shroompelt at the time) life. Raggedstar isn't AS bad as he was, but their relationship was still pretty volatile. Sagewhisker pressured her into the role, just like canon.

I don't regret gutting YS though, to be honest. The original book is pretty freakin' miserable exactly because of Sage and Ragged, without any catharsis for how much torture the main character goes through. I think it works a lot better as an opening, thematically.

"Here's the culture which Brokenstar is being born into. See how his mother is absolutely miserable under this system, being forced to give up her child, pressured into her position. Happiness is offered between friends but there are deeper issues here that love won't fix."

So even though I'm pretty fascinated by Sagewhisker and think the fandom really sleeps on how terrible she is, I'm planning to use her as a minor but emotionally significant character.

And RAGGEDSTAR is going to be explicitly used as the father who Brokenstar loved very much, but someone he is willing to kill in the end. His enabling is also going to get exploited by Runningnose and his schemes. He's a major supporting character in a different way from YS.

#Better bones au #Brokenstar's Cataclysm #I strongly feel it works best this way #Because the simple truth is that Sage and Ragged don't really get comeuppance. Not for their actual shitty behavior #For other things. But not for how they hurt Yellow #AndI think a large part of what makes YS such a miserable read is just that #I think a different rewrite could fix that thougg #Connect Broken more to the things that ruined Yellow's life and make a tragedy out of her having to put her avenger down #For the sake of the clans as a whole #But that's not what BB!TPB or my whole rewrite is really about. Yknow? #I'm not writing a story about how clan culture needs to be protected from change. It needs to be torn down. It needs to be fixed. #So just showing how awful sage and ragged were to yellow in the opening works best instead of... Lingering on it #for lack of better words #bone babble

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

This. This. This entire conversation with Morrigan actually makes me want to sob. She and my Tabris always becomes close friends over the course of DAO; that, paired with the fact that my Tabris always romances Alistair, makes everything about this hurt so much more when you take DAO's ending into account.

Her confusion over why my Tabris didn't send her away. Why she didn't abandon her after they learned of Flemeth's plans. Why Tabris went out of her way to slay Flemeth and bring her the true grimoire. She asks Tabris why, and is baffled when the answer is, "I did it because I'm your friend," as if it's that simple.

The way Morrigan looks at the warden, the way her voice cracks when she says, "I want you to know that while I may not always prove... worthy... of your friendship, I will always value it."

She knows how this will end; Flemeth sent her with the wardens with the end goal of stopping the blight and obtaining the old god soul through the dark ritual. Morrigan knows that Alistair and Tabris are the only Grey Wardens here, and assuming they don't find more, one of them will have to die defeating the archdemon unless they agree to do the dark ritual.

With that context, her asking Alistair, "And what if a Grey Warden has forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?" suddenly has so much subtext weaved through the words that I'm gonna start foaming at the mouth. She's practically telling Alistair that a warden has to die. She's scrutinizing his reaction to find any hint that suggests he would agree to the dark ritual in order to save himself and the woman he loves. And when he doesn't choose, she has her answer.

Morrigan made comments to Tabris about him, almost hopeful that their relationship was just a physical thing between them and not actually riddled with feelings... and then gives disapproval when Tabris says she loves him.

She doesn't want the warden to die; hell, she doesn't want Alistair to die, either; whether because she does actually care about him or because she knows it'll break her friend's heart if she loses him, or both!

Things would be so much easier if the only two Grey Wardens left to defeat the blight didn't fall in love, wouldn't they, Morrigan?

She knows that in the end, no matter the outcome, she will lose the woman she called sister and it's devastating.

Morrigan, who has never known true friendship. Who grew up isolated in the woods with an abusive mother and terrible implications for her future. Who discovered said mother planned to take over her body just as she did with her other daughters. Who doesn't understand kindness as it was rarely given to her without a catch. Who isolates herself from the others in camp. Who finally has a companion she cares about... and in the end, if her plan works and the dark ritual is completed, she'll end up pregnant and alone and wearing Tabris' resentment like a tender wound on her heart.

Or Tabris will reject the ritual, and will die to the archdemon.

Or her lover will.

I just- the dynamic between the warden, romanced Alistair, and Morrigan is so good and painful and rich that I'm gnawing on furniture as we speak.

#dragon age origins #dao #alistair theirin #dao alistair #dao morrigan #dao tabris #warden tabris #i'm replaying dao right now in case my recent written posts haven't made that obvious #the relationship dynamics the warden has with each of the companions is so so soooo good like there isn't a companion i dislike #i play into the slow burn with alistair's romance but it's not even just the romance aspect it's also their friendship too #playing dao and not romancing alistair would feel wrong at this point for me it's so crucial to the entire story and its development #and i love morrigan's friendship with the warden and how gutted tabris is when she comes clean about everything and offers the ritual #and then bails once everything is over and tabris is torn between hating her and feeling hurt and not wanting morrigan to be alone again #i talked more in depth about morrigan and the ritual in a previous post but it's a lot... especially when it comes to the witch hunt dlc #oh and then there's the friendship between tabris and zevran like don't even get me started on that sksksks i won't be able to stop #even a character like oghren who is the last person you'd think tabris would ever become friends with since he's y'know *oghren* #but i'll go on the record and say there's more to oghren that gets overlooked and overshadowed by his glaring flaws #and i don't wanna talk about leliana... she makes me too sad like ever since my last playthrough where i accidentally triggered her romance #while i was deep in alistair's romance i have a really hard time not reading into the things she says to tabris #in my last playthrough i dunno what i did but she confessed to tabris even though she was fully aware that tabris and alistair were togethe #and it was a *mess* okay like it really felt like we killed marjolaine and leliana was in a vulnerable position yet was hardened enough #to be like 'i know she and alistair are together but i'll take my shot anyway and attempt to break them up' like.... noooooo leliana D: #and the rest of the game it felt like she was bitter and still in love with tabris and i felt *horrible* #i just said i don't wanna talk about it but hhhnnngggg i'm taking extra precautions to not have a repeat of that this time #excuse my tag ramblings i'm just very passionate about dao and the companions okay #also want to note that this is my interpretation of morrigan's motivations based on how i play the game and my warden #so others might view this reaction and the warden/romanced alistair/morrigan dynamic differently and in that case #i would be interested to hear that different interpretations because those are always fun to read

[thedreadvampy]

btw about Neil Gaiman I periodically agree with the 'Neil Gaiman is annoying' stuff bc I feel like both he and Amanda Palmer seem like people who I would go insane stuck in a room with bc we have very different ideas about art and suchlike. and I also do think that the career trajectory he's on lately is cynically redoing his greatest hits and pretending that was the dream all along when it clearly was not. which is at best meh.

having said which

as far as I can tell by far the most common complaint about Neil Gaiman is "Snow, Glass, Apples is problematic/gross/it's got incest and rape and frames the child as the aggressor"

which strikes me as a weird complaint to pull out of a 40 year body of work tbh when that short story is pretty clearly coming from a place of 'how far can I push this'. like you don't have to like the story. I don't really like the story. but it is. a horror story.

like and this is the thing with particularly 90s alt horror right? a lot of the interest is in transgression and sitting in the worst possible perspective and seeing what happens if you pull those strings. like I really like Clive Barker for example but there's a good chunk of his short stories that I'm like I'm not picking up what you're putting down Clive this seems Kinda Off. but that willingness to write some trite or Bad Message horror fiction that doesn't land is imo a side effect of being willing to try writing uncomfortable and unpleasant fiction at all. which is what horror is for, among other things, it's for creating discomfort as a form of catharsis or engagement.

like I am not a huge fan of the type of sex-horror that pops up in a lot of Gaiman's work and other contemporary horror writers - to me I don't find it upsetting or horny it just ends up feeling kind of edgy and tryhard - but I'm also a bit like. it does seem like a lot of people's beef with Neil Gaiman is that In The 90s He Was A Horror Writer

and this approach to Problematic Horror in Snow, Glass, Apples I find kind of microcosmic of how The Discourse often approaches art in this kind of 1:1 way. if you write a story which seems to line up with rape apologia it can only be because you agree with it. if you write a story about transphobia you're a transphobe. if you write a story that makes me genuinely uncomfortable you're attacking me.

but artwork, especially art like horror that's not necessarily trying to provoke enjoyment as its main response, is necessarily hit and miss. and if what you're shooting for is discomfort then whether it works, falls flat or goes too far incredibly depends on your audience. and making good art - as in art that makes its audience think, art that opens the audience up to discomfort and catharsis and sticks with them and changes them - requires the space to experiment and tbh the space to fuck up. like they aren't all going to be winners and they certainly aren't all going to work for you as a singular audience.

personally I don't see the appeal of Snow, Glass, Apples, less cause it's nasty and more cause it's hack. ooh an edgy monstrous version of a fairy tale where there's lots of rape and cannibalism? you're soooo original Neil. but like. that's fine. I don't really vibe with like 70% of Neil Gaiman stuff I've read but I still like Neil Gaiman because the stuff that works for me really works for me.

idk I think there's a lot of folk on this website who shouldn't interact with horror cause they clearly aren't interested in being horrified. that's not everyone who dislikes Snow, Glass, Apples, but it's a real undercurrent to a lot of the criticism and tbh this kinda vibe is shit for art. making standout art What Is Good also requires being ready to make art which stands out for the wrong reasons. sometimes they'll be the same art to different people.

#red said #not to Cancel Culture this but isabelle fall springs to mind in a lot of how folks talk about stuff like this #like she wrote a transgressive piece exploring her own negative feelings about transness and her anger around a transphobic trope #and she made something which i found really resonant and interesting #and she got torn apart for it because it Might From Some Angles Agree With Transphobia #and I'm not making a direct comparison. because i think attack helicopter is a really GOOD story and i think SGA is gratuitous and hack #but that's the thing right? transgression and discomfort and speaking about unpleasant things in an openended way are KEY #to making art that engages directly with your own pains and angers and discomforts #and that's hard to mediate tbh. but it's also very necessary. #i think as well thinking about Gaiman this is also a thought I've often had about Amanda Palmer #who over the years has written a lot of songs about things i find genuinely uncomfortable or offensive. #and i can engage with 'it's fucked up to tell your ex they transed their gender At You' or 'your partner's suicide is not about you' bc yeah #but #you can't celebrate someone for making confessional music then get mad because you don't like everything they confess #if you only take about your socially acceptable thoughts it's not really confessional is it? #if you only talk about discomforting things that people are comfortable hearing about its not really discomforting #and you can only really discern what's Good Transgressive and what's Damaging Transgressive through doing i think #so if you want challenging art you are going to have to get some art which challenges you and you go hmm no i still disagree #is what i think #so yeah you can hate the artwork but when an artist is specifically setting out to make challenging art it's weird to hate them #for making 50 pieces of art you like and 1 you hate

[mysticfemme]

I love that she was like I'm going to try really hard to win you back and now she's saying everything has to be on my terms, all contact, everything, and it's just showing me even more how little she cares. Or maybe she does and she's just doesn't realise what she's doing, and she thinks she's giving me space but in reality it just feels like she's putting in even less effort now

#I'm torn between two options now and one is very petty #don't message her and see how long it takes for her to message me #or #message her and explain what isn't working and see if we can fix it #help haha #her texting is so dry at the moment as well it's actually painful #and it makes me feel so shitty because i feel needy and clingy #delete later

[jiiyawns]

my modern sonic training arc has been slowly sketching out different models i’ve liked for him

bias is the middle square mouth sa2/shadow the hedgehog/sonic riders one

#i like when his super form looks Super metallic but i don't know how to render gold </3 #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sth #super sonic #i feel like i Get classic bc he's so round but for sonic i'm always like torn on if i wanna... stay on model as it were #or add more hedgehog features or like u know. any other cool stylistic choices #i love seeing people draw him in diff styles but for Me i want like Every Style. All of Them. Lol #fanart #draw #young me overthought the shit out of it bc i really didn't want 'flat cartoon' style but i mean there's an appeal for a reason!!! #i fucking LOVE the sonic x look even tho it is factually a pretty flat design for him!!

[redysetdare]

It's such a insignificant thing in the grand scheme of things but it absolutely sucks to see a similar experience to your own trauma in media only to watch as fandom completely ignores it and butchers it acting like it's "not that bad" or even acting like it's good. they erase all the parts that you related to because they don't want to view it in that way.

and I can't speak up or get upset because "Fanon doesn't affect canon". but how people react to and treat canon effects me. If they treat it like that in fiction how will they treat me? I can't speak up without revealing something so personal to me that I've seen people invalidate over and over again. I don't feel like I'm asking for much when I ask for people to pause and look at how they feel, react to, and treat certain experiences in fandom spaces.

#text #trauma #this is about family trauma #no reblogs because it's so very personal to me and I try not to talk about it much #the amount of experiences I've seen that mirror my own in media #that the fandom turns into “tough love” or “look see their parents love them so it's not toxic/abusive at all!” #i know this is probably just a me problem #it still sucks tho #it sucks a lot to relate to something so heavily only to see it publicly torn apart #not to mention how fandom reacts can often effect how canon treats it in the future...so much media has access to fandom spaces #I watched my experience fade into the background and get forgotten because the creators interacted with fandom #idk it hurts a lot to see something so personal to you treated as so unimportant #to watch it be invalidated right in front of you #to feel like you cant speak up without revealing something so personal that so many have already invalidated #idk i dont have a point #i'm mostly just thinking about previous fandom experiences with this sort of thing #and how it's really effected how i interact in fandom and how i view fanon in general

[feluka]

having a not so minor crisis because my binder no longer fits me properly and i absolutely cant afford to buy a new proper one

#my options are 1- buy one of those crappy ones from wish #2- try to sew my current one to be tighter #3- hit the gym and do upper body workouts exclusively #no but i'm seriously so sad it was a big investment #and it's still in excellent condition so it feels like a waste to do away with it :( #worried if i sew it it'll damage it somehow. because if i can't wear it anymore i'd like to give it to someone who needs it #god knows how hard it is to get a binder here #so i'm torn between leaving it untouched vs trying to adjust it

[booksncoffee]

hands off my heart, twelve

“If you must know,” she trails off, turning to face her mum, her side pressed against the counter. She can’t believe she’s about to tell her mum the truth. “We… kissed.”

She winces when the word leaves her throat. It’s the watered-down version of what happened but it’s the core of it. Even saying those two words make Jena feel as though someone has split her open and her heart is out on display for everyone to see. But this is her mum she’s talking to. She can be vulnerable with her.

“That’s it?” Her mum asks as if she’s expecting something more.

tumblr // wattpad // story page // thoughts

taglist: @niallhoranistodiefor @niallsguinnesss @missy14us​ @potatoniall2020​ @niallsguitarsthings​ @my0nly-remedy​ @narryfdreaming​ @daydream4life​ @jolanda @floralguccistyles​ @yourpolaroid07​ @stepping-into-the-light​ @nannav47​ @unicornqueenieeee @percysaidnever​ @miorni​ @onlyjjs @awomanindeniall

#i'm constantly torn between abandoning this and continuing it #but not today my friends #today i've decided to continue this #not sure how i feel tomorrow #ANYWAY #i've been reading a lot so i've been in the mood to write #and this happened #homh #1dff

[candlesoul]

mm vent

#there are dryness in certain parts of my hands and no matter how much i apply cream it doesnt go away #i know it’s because i have to constantly washing dishes and even i use gloves it torn somehow and i have to do this with my bare hand again #today when i was looking at my dry hands i felt sad #it remimds me of my life #no matter how hard i try to change my life i’m still in the same place same emotions #im tired of tricking myself that it will going to change #It's not about this dry hand #but it's about how I'm trying to be in this life and that I can't find a place in life #im glad i dont live my mom anymore im glad finally escape that shithole #but still other stuff are same and it kinda bothers me a lot #i feel so jealous of people #i wanted to be normal #anyway just venting #i feel awfull #just scroll and act like doesnt read #i dont think anyone read this till here #if you did here is your chocolate lol 🍫

[sepdet]

have you ever noticed your ability to face internet drama drops 500% when your innards are trying to be outards due to IBS or other GI misbehavior

#not happy at yet another case where i'm torn between supporting something for the sake of some marginalized communities including mine #when TPTB who mostly do no harm and/or make the right noises start acting really shitty towards some vulnerable group #so how can i just #yeah #but my innards are wretched and i feel ookle and need a haven not Disk Horse #anyway well done on torching every last benefit of doubt matt

[sungchantual]

made the decision that do wanna move into my own little apartment towards summer time but the market here in the city is very sparse and i don't have a ton of money so my plan is to tell everyone i know that i am looking for an apartment and hopefully this way i can maybe get something through like contacts yk

#like if a friend of a friend moves out and someone tells me so we can maybe arrange that i take it over and we both save a lot of time #and trouble looking with the application process :)) #and since i live in a student city and all my coworkers are young girls i think i might have good chances if i start with them #wish me luck guys #i'm also always torn between moving into a different apartment here where i have some friends from school and my workplace that i really #like to go to or if i move to the city where my uni is in which is a 30 min train ride away #but idrk anyone there besides maybe 3 ppl from uni and it's a way bigger city and i don't know anything about it i would be going in blindl #but i would feel more comfortable moving within my current city let's see how it goes #000