Tumgik
#I'VE NEVER HYPERFOCUSED SO HARD IN MY LIFE WHAT THE HELL
tarysande · 1 year
Text
ADHD
I had ADHD for over thirty years before it was diagnosed, and part of the reason why it took so long is because a few specific things absolutely did not resonate with me. At all. And I saw them listed as "symptoms" of ADHD ALL THE TIME.
So, I thought I'd write up a quick list in case it helps someone else out there see past the stereotypes that are too often used as diagnostics.
ADHDers struggle with reading/words/speech etc.
ADHDers have a history of poor grades or attention at school.
ADHDers have a history of drug and/or alcohol abuse.
ADHDers can't sit still.
And how did I differ?
I read constantly. In fact, one might say I HYPERFOCUS on reading. I would rather read information than listen to it. (Reason #1 that I just can't get into podcasts!) The problem has never been reading--it's stopping reading. I'm a professional writer and editor with a background in acting. Words have never been a problem. Do some ADHDers struggle with words? Hell, yeah. Do ALL ADHDers struggle with words? Nope. Not even close. (PS: A lot of ADHDers who struggle with words may actually also have other learning struggles, such as dyslexia. ADHD loooooves a comorbidity!)
This is still SUCH a persistent myth. Even the psychologist who diagnosed me was hesitant because I had stellar grades all through my education. The more research they do, however, the more they realize that other things (autism, giftedness, etc.) can actually mask or mitigate the "typical" symptoms of ADHD that lead to it being diagnosed at school. And if you're an ADHDer who, say, hyperfocuses on learning (because it's cool! and you learn new things all the time!), or who has developed extremely effective coping mechanisms (perfectionism, people-pleasing, etc.), or who deliberately sticks to "safe" subjects to avoid challenge and possible failure, grades are NOT a good measure of ADHD. (Look into what it means to be "twice exceptional"--you may find a list of traits that resonates a lot more!)
ADHDers are out there looking for anything that'll give them a dopamine hit. Boredom is deadly. And the mix of novelty-seeking and low inhibition can often result in risky behavior. However, this can manifest in many, many ways. Drugs, alcohol, sexual partners? None of that was relevant to me. Spending, however? Especially spending money I didn't have on things I didn't need just to feel that itty bitty thrill of OOH SOMETHING NEW! ... yeah, that was a real problem. But not one I usually saw on those symptom lists, even though ADHD+finances can result in HUGE and life-altering problems.
Even bearing in mind that there are different presentations of ADHD--and that inattentive is one of them--ADHD does NOT always present as physical restlessness. Often, mental restlessness--racing thoughts, daydreaming, distractability, inability to "turn off your brain" to get enough sleep--slips through the diagnostic cracks and can be FAR more disruptive to one's health and happiness. And, again, many ADHDers develop coping mechanisms that can end up being very unhealthy or unsustainable in the long term. (I keep my ADHD in my thumb, for example. I can be perfectly still for a long, long time. However, my right thumb fidgets almost constantly. It's weird. Now that I've noticed it, I can't unsee it.)
I guess what I'm saying is ... nothing is set in stone where ADHD is concerned, so don't be afraid to dig deeper, especially if some aspects hit hard. Exploration is a good thing. Questioning is a good thing.
621 notes · View notes
Note
Hey kiddo!
If you wanna do some stuff story wise again, we always have our boys waiting for us up in the skies, those who hide a fair way underground in their labs, perhaps even the ones with their illegal dealings?
The story never stops. It's just that sometimes the ink runs out, or we need new paper. It's okay to take a break from things and step away to better yourself. Don't feel as if a story is wasted because of one chapter! <- I'm not just talking about DSMP here ;)
Love you, kiddo. If you ever need anything, my door is unlocked, there's food on the table, and my arms are ready to hold you forever. Healing is a process, but you don't have to go alone.
🩵
hey dad wtf i'm gonna start upgly crying at you. thaynky oyu
i genuinely hope you don't mind but i need to air this out in some form or i might not be able to sleep tonight i think
Okay well. Uh. I'm pretty weirded out with the knowledge that buffoon:
a) placed HIS mental bullshit on me as if my sole purpose in life was to give him attention and 100 reblogs on a 5 minute sketch when i deadass got 2 jobs & ( at the time had a scanlator to commit translations to & ) 3 dogs & MYSELF to take care of & OTHER friends who are not him (ie. you, Raven, Seto, Vulture, Ru, Connor, etc),
b) got prissy that I have friends who give enough of a shit about me to get his ass away from me for my own health despite my reluctance to fully cut communication in every way possible,
c) proceeded to block me on here for a few days and vague about me on his main as if he was the victim,
d) unblocked me to try to send me a message that goes roughly "hey you don't need to reply it's fine if you block me, but i want closure" as if he was the one that was having abandonment issues triggered from almost being forced repeatedly into survival mode to try to keep up when there were clear signs I have severe chronic fatigue and exhaustion,
and e) got prissy and started stalking me on some other account i haven't blocked him on yet and is vagueing me on his main in some extremely gaslighty ass ways ("that's crazy" "you're crazy" "i know i'm not a bad person you're just crazy" <- HELLO?? TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING)
i know fully well his ass is gonna read this anyway but i frankly have Ceased Caring About This to a degree and will give it no further attention online once I post this.
Moving on about Vincent!
I've (THANK GOD) got my creative groove back by simply doing what the fuck I wanted to do to begin with: OCs and DND! Featuring Ru!!! And Merihem and Práxi!!! And Raven and Atthanli and-
Apparently impromptu campaigns with little to no planning is one hell of a fun way to DM when you've got an attention span about the size of a speck of sand. We accidentally hyperfocused for 3 hours in one session alone. Thank christ for the solo player's toolboxes even though I genuinely want to die sometimes trying to find what I need
My note taking with paper is efficient enough I could genuinely treat them as an outline to a story! So... mayhaps? Who knows! Either way, serotonin is slowly rising again and certainly in far healthier manners now that I'm in better hands (and in a better state of mind all in all)!
I could even pick up my stimboard blog and gifmaking blog back up if I don't have too much on my plate with my campaign with Ru I think!! It's on the back burner for sure though, I miss gif hunting and gif making and editing gifs :(
honestly - i will heal from this and i will move on from it as you've seen me do time and time again. you know it is damn hard to keep me down!
2 notes · View notes
inun4ki · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media
死/// GUIDELINES.
✾ Mun
hello.!! call me taro. my pronouns are they/them, and i am 21+. i've been roleplaying off and on for many years. my waking life is busy, so i won't always be here. i have 5 pets (no cat-dog fights in this house) and a big family. i prefer writing original characters to canon characters. i live in ye olde us of a. there are two things in this world i can't live without: green tea, hot cheetos, and emotionally wrecked men. oh, and i'm nerdy as hell. if you have any questions or just wanna chat/plot, i'm always open.!!
✾ Blog
Content.
i don’t shy away from disturbing/gory/traumatic topics. i don’t see it as a moral failure to write it. however, i won’t write: minor/adult, graphic noncon, and incest outside of backstories and such. 
all triggering content will be tagged as ’____ /’, and erotic content will be tagged as ‘nsft /’. 
needless to say, this is a 18+ only blog. i will not interact with anyone under the age of 18, 21+ preferably.
the themes i will explore on this blog include suicidal ideation, murder, mass murder, multiple forms of abuse, mental health, personal growth, sacrifice, guilt, death, loss, toxic relationships, and more.
Posting.
all interactions are mutuals only.
i will take my time for serious threads. it may take me a few weeks from time to time to reply to a thread or answer an ask. 
i tend towards multi-para, but will do one-liners or simpler, shorter threads. 
i regularly delete my OOC posts. 
i tend toward inbox memes, so you may see more of those than other things. it's really just because i like to write drabbles most of the time.
Communication.
i’m just a little bit on the awkward & shy side and may have a hard time reaching out for plotting. what i do to mitigate this is generally interact with posts and send in icebreaker asks.
i’ll also reblog plenty of memes, post starter & inbox calls, and my interest check so that there’re always opportunities to get things going.
i love love love to talk about mashing our muses together, so even though it can be hard for me at first, i’m always down to chat
if there's an occasion i don't respond to a message, it's usually because i've fallen asleep, got hella distracted, forgot, am hyperfocused on replies, having health problems, etc. it's never deliberate. please feel free to nudge me.
Shipping. 
i love to ship, honestly. i am always down. if you think our muses would mesh well, by all means - please come yell at me! i probably ship it already anyway.
communication but mostly chemistry are needed for romantic shipping, as kaede is a bit of a pain when it comes to this - he’s only easy sometimes, and really the only way for him to 'love' your muse would be if they're just as obsessed with him as he is them.
there are a couple of things i do not consider shipping right off the bat. flirting isn't shipping. hell, i don't even think our muses boning a couple times is shipping. i don't consider it a ship unless we talk about it, basically.
toxic ships are super welcome! 
i do not ship minor/adult, except platonically as mentor-student or family.
every ship is in its own universe, disconnected from all others, and i do not treat any one ship as more important than another.
Verses. 
this blog is multiverse (working on the page), though jujutsu kaisen will be the primary.
i’m happily oc, crossover, au, and canon friendly, so if you want to do things in a different verse, i’ll make one if i don’t have one already! 
Godmodding. 
so long as we talk about it before hand or it advances the thread, i don’t particularly care about godmodding or powerplaying. it just has to make sense for our plot.  
kaede is strong, but there are others who are stronger - and crueler - and i won’t ignore that if the power scale is such. your muse can overpower mine? dope, they should, actually! besides, he’s a dex build. he’ll put up a good fight, but he’ll probably lose.
Drama/News/Triggers.
i block tags/posts.
if there’s something i don’t want to see, i will simply not see it, no matter what it is, be it the news, internet beef, or things that make me feel like ass for one reason or another. i don’t engage with any of that stuff; i have a personal blog for that sorta thing.
also, i do not have any written triggers & no tumblr post is going to send me down a spiral. i’ve been through a lot, but i’m a ‘power through it’ type, so even if i do see something, it’s ultimately whatever.
Kaede.
this is a small disclaimer.
i’m not caught up to the manga by any means, so there may be some things i don’t know or will get wrong - please let me know if something doesn’t gel quite right. 
please note that i put him together carefully so he wouldn’t interfere much with jjk’s main plot, though i’d be happy to plot something out. 
as kaede will ever be a work in progress, his about page is subject to change. all abilities and techniques are accumulative and an attempt at originality
i will apologize in advance for kaede being a complete brat at times, as he is a bit emotionally stunted and struggles particularly hard with forming solid relationships, be they platonic or otherwise. there's a lot of fear there for him.
Inunaki.
you’ll see mentioned in a few places something called ‘the inunaki incident’. it’s about the mid-point of kaede’s personal storyline, and is a hefty bit of mixed character development i’m saving for a later date - fair warning: i’m a big fan of tragedies. i do have a posted timeline for his life (mostly just summaries), and i will be going over parts of it in the future. ultimately, the plan is to answer the questions: do i have the strength to keep going anyway? is my sacrifice worth the consequence? was this unavoidable, or could i have done something to change it? how much guilt and responsibility can one person assume before it utterly destroys them? i have fun seeing how many different ways i can answer them. 
Credits.
i like to draw, sometimes a lot - but i am notoriously horrendous with most poses, so i end up using/relying on references - which i very ardently do not claim as my own. some poses i reference belong to kate-fox on dA, however i also use personal photographic references (pictures i’ve taken myself), anime/video game screenshots, and, on occasion, porn, as i cannot draw the human body or faces from memory (combined visual processing + memory issue). where i can afford it, however, i do commission artists instead - in fact, i much prefer it. all graphics were arranged by myself; likewise, kaede’s faceclaim belongs strictly to mangaka yanase seno. i also have commissioned art of him done by @okaerin, which serves as my current dash icon! icon borders by @paletterph
Tumblr media
0 notes
shadeswift99 · 2 years
Text
Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss
Why Scott’s triple-G team was one of, if not the only, successful alliance on Last Life
I’ve been saying for weeks that I have enough material to write an essay on Scott, Pearl, and Cleo’s formula for success, and now that the finale is decided, I WILL. And when I say essay I do mean essay. Click the readmore and hold onto your hats fellas, we’re going for a ride
If there is anything that Last Life proved, it is that Sun Tzu’s words in Art Of War still hold true: “If you do not seek out allies and helpers, then you will be isolated and weak.” In a desiccated shell of a world filled with nothing but betrayal and shattered bonds on all sides, there is nothing that demonstrates this more strongly than Scott, Pearl, and Cleo’s Triple G alliance. Watching their group grow and change through the season has been fascinating to me, and for weeks I have been trying to pin down what held them together while countless other groups imploded and fell to their own weapons. Now, with the final word written in their story, I believe I have found the roots of their success. The gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss trio of Cleo, Scott, and Pearl withstood the pressure of Last Life and emerged as the only truly successful alliance due to their open communication, their discretion in picking their battles, and their restructuring of conflicts to pit themselves as a team against the problem at hand instead of targeting each other.
From the very beginning, Scott and Pearl’s alliance was built on communication: the foundation every good relationship relies on. When Scott first found Pearl, he expressed up front that he was looking to gain an extra life from her since he had only been given two lives and she was in possession of six. In return, Pearl expressed her unease with being alone and her need for protection. Through continuing conversation, they both came to the agreement that if Scott could successfully keep Pearl alive through the entire first session, he could have one of her lives. [ep1] This honourable transaction set the tone for their alliance and marked the beginning of a long and trusted bond between them. By each expressing a need and each addressing the other’s, they set an expectation both for looking out for each other and for being open with their own personal needs and motivations. That same pattern is seen again when Cleo joins their group. She expresses her joining condition (that she not be killed if either of them are the Boogeyman) and lays her own contribution (sand) on the table. Pearl and Scott discuss, and together they agree on their own set of conditions (a trial period during which she won’t quite be shown all of their secrets) and their own offering (extra lives). This repetition of their communication pattern meshes Cleo very quickly with the group, establishing trust on both sides and reassuring Scott and Pearl that she is indeed a good fit. As they progress through the series, their communication makes them unique in comparison to the subterfuge and confusion of the Southlands, the Fairy Fort, the Shadow Alliance, and especially Team BEST. By acknowledging each member’s needs and meeting each other in the middle, the GGG alliance had already set themselves on the path to victory.
The second distinguishing factor in the GGG alliance’s functionality is the unique way they picked their battles. The other alliances made enemies left right and center, pursuing nearly every grudge and turning it into a war. They also on many occasions took actions that would be detrimental to the group for no benefit to themselves, just because they were bored. The enchanting table is probably the best example of this. Team BEST, the Fairy Fort, the Southlands, Scar, and uncountable red names all at one point started highly destructive conflicts over possession of the enchanting table, sometimes even when they had no tools or armour to actually enchant. Many of them took the theft of the enchanting table as a personal slight even when they no longer needed it, and risked lives and resources in the attempt to get it back. This lead them to clash with other alliances and carry old grudges far into the series, which turned them into targets for each other as the server steadily grew redder. Meanwhile, after the brief time when Scott and Pearl had control of the enchanting table, they agreed that it was too much of a risk to own and sold it to Lizzie before they could become too much of a target. When they next needed to use it, Scott paid diamonds to Lizzie for its use and avoided causing a feud by honouring her system instead of stealing it back. [ep3] A similar behaviour is repeated by the G alliance all throughout the series, so that even by the last session the only reason Joel can find to hold a grudge against Scott is “Because you looked at me funny” [ep9] while in contrast, Scott can name incident after incident that gives him reason to be angry at Joel. By operating independently and warding off attacks with a firm hand, but avoiding pursuit of any petty conflicts that would only cost lives and resources, Scott lead his alliance to a finale in which they were the only team still standing, still well-armed, and with no targets on their backs.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, the GGG alliance’s method of dealing with internal conflicts when they arose is what held them together through thick and thin, right until the end. The most striking contrast that demonstrates this is the effect of the Boogeyman curse on the dynamics of each team. In most teams, the selection of the Boogeyman was followed by a volley of accusations and near-violence, even in groups where it would later be revealed that there was no Boogeyman present. In instances where there was a Boogeyman in an alliance, it was almost never communicated, and on two separate occasions (BigB and Bdubs) massive rifts were torn in the group when the Boogeymen turned on one of their own. [ep4 and ep5] On the other hand, when Scott is chosen as the Boogeyman in team Triple G, he (after a brief hesitation) reveals himself to the other two as the bearer of the curse. This event actually repeats twice, in spite of the much higher stakes of the second time. [ep6 and ep8] In both cases, when Scott confesses his position the tone of the group’s interactions immediately shifts. But instead of suspicion or outright aggression, Cleo and Pearl move the metaphorical battle lines away from between them and Scott and place them between the team and the problem itself. They express their sympathy, start a calm and rational dialogue about possible next steps, and express either their willingness or their unwillingness to become a victim if Scott fails to find a kill outside of the alliance. Scott honours these wishes, and in exchange the others actually give him TnT and potions to assist him in completing his task. Recognizing their circumstances as the enemy and not each other was a monumental step for the team. It sealed their position as the most successful alliance on the server, and this method of conflict resolution solidified their bond so strongly that even in the final four, Pearl and Scott targeted Martyn and Ren first over each other.
In a world like Last Life, true victory is next to impossible. The cost of battle is great, even the most well-prepared can fall to pure chance, and as the pool of safe people to rely on narrowed it often seemed like every alliance was doomed to fail. But in the midst of all the carnage, the honest and cooperative communication, wisdom in choosing when and how to fight, and expert restructuring of conflict to meet issues hand-in-hand with each other lifted the GGG Alliance to the victor’s throne when it comes to team success. Their strategy set them so much apart that as a group they outlasted every other alliance, and they each died without a single grudge raised against each other. It is this strategy, this break from the norm of their setting, this dedication and honour and drive to create something unique in a landscape of horror, that earned Scott his place as the final living soul in that world. Together with Pearl and Cleo, he found something that no one else managed to find: balance, true victory, and a way to win together in a game whose sole purpose was to divide.
 The Triple G Alliance did not simply win Last Life. In my opinion, they beat it.
673 notes · View notes
pumpumdemsugah · 2 years
Note
I'm the bi girl anon who asked about asking girls out. I think i made a mistake. I told my Nigerian mom i was bi and it just went downhill from there. She was threatening to tell the whole family and was hyperfocused on me being attracted to women when i told her i might marry one. She called me sinful and everything. So know I have to pretend to put "it" out of my mind to appease her, and pray harder. How do you deal with homophobic/Biphobic parents?
I'm awake for no reason but here's the thing... you don't have to be honest
I find lying hard but I've never actually said the words to my family " I'm straight". I think with how much people confess online it makes people think you need to do the same offline. You don't. I'm out to only my friends and it will stay that way until I feel more established
I'm fake as hell to my family wrt to my sexuality but I never outright lie. Lying feels serious but being fake is about a show. Tell you mother you're a god fearing woman, who only wants to make her proud and you don't want her to worry about you. Shit ham up the , you've made sacrifices for me. And maybe that will disarm her enough that she will drop it. Make up whatever shit you need that will work on her without ever actually fully lying to yourself about what you are tbh...lie all you need to. I don't judge. I want you to get a degree, have gay friends and get a girlfriend and all that can be done while your mother is 100% ignorant.
You deserve better but navigating homophobic family members is largely about establishing yourself so their threats mean nothing and keeping them out the loop
Nurture your sexuality in places and around people where you don't have to fight. You don't owe honesty to people that will punish you for it.
Lie. Be fake. Say it's exam stress is getting to your head. Some battles are easier to fight once you have an education, a career and your own place. Live a double life. And typically parents get less bi/ homophobic as you get older, especially if you throw out very mild " we must treat all humans with respect" as your go to when it comes to LGBT people around hateful family members. Mine did but she's no ally lol
Cultivate the skill of being extremely fake about your sexuality to your family. Maybe don't bring up god actually, she might try to push religious fundamentalism on you
Dishonesty is your friend luv
13 notes · View notes
disaster-by-chance · 2 years
Text
Saw Turning Red with my family today and let me just say, I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would.
I mean, I automatically knew that I would enjoy it once I saw how "alienated" it made the white dudebros feel on Twitter because if the dudebros are going to hate it, then I'm going to have it.
Liking or not liking a movie because of that relation connection you feel towards it isn't necessarily a bad thing, but that shouldn't be the only thing you base your opinion on.
There's a running joke that my siblings and I have about "Asian-led films" and how most of the time it's a Chinese character because China makes big bucks at the box office and that we Koreans won't get a film about us or our culture. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, I out of all people know how meaningful representation is, but being Korean didn't stop us from enjoying this film! Hell! I think this is the first time there's been a Korean in a Disney or Pixar film, or any animated film I've seen from any of the different animation companies! When Abby started going off in Korean I was like, "!!! AYO!"
Same with Encanto, we aren't Colombian, my mom's family is from Mexico, but Mirabel has been the closest character from any sort of film I've seen who looks like me. Right down to the large glasses! I don't have curly hair though, that's like the one difference. But still!
A movie doesn't have to be relatable to be enjoyed, but goddamn if you're going to shit on something because you "don't feel seen" and you're some cishet white man, my brother in christ, you need to sit down and just not say anything.
That being said though, I was rather surprised at how much I ended up relating to this movie once it ended. It wasn't the only reason why I liked the movie but it certainly was why I ended up liking it a little more than I thought I would.
For some time now, around the time when Luca came out, I've started realizing how drastically different my relationship with my mom is. And long story short, it's gotten way better than what it used to be.
Look, I grew up in a Christian household with a Hispanic mom and Korean dad, both of who worked as educators in the district I went to school in. Even if my dad was the more easy-going despite the stereotypes of Asian parents being hard on their kids, they were pretty strict. Bs weren't good enough, hell A- wasn't good enough, I never felt like I could share my interests with them because I didn't want to be made fun of, and every decision for my life was made by them. I didn't feel like I had control and it felt like it was just me and my friends against the world at times.
However, my friends left me and I became attached to my mom as a result. Like Mei at the start of the movie, we were attached to the hip basically. It was a complete turnaround from how I used to be with her.
I had had those moments of "this is my life, I can do what I want" so when those conversations were happening between Mei and her mother, I was wondering if my mom could recall those moments too. In movies like this, I wonder if she also sees herself in those parents who push their kids towards greatness because that's how they were raised or something along those lines. My mom doesn't have an overbearing mom or anything like that though, she's just the way she is because of her beliefs and personality. (If anyone gets enneagram shit, she's an 8 and I'm a 5, we don't get along normally).
When Mei was deciding to keep the panda but was afraid it would lead to her losing her mom I was just like,, "Damn..." because I feel the same way. How can I keep who I want to be and my mom? I feel like I have to give things up about myself to keep the relationship I've built up with her, and it scares me sometimes.
A few years ago I somewhat hated my mom. I hated that she made me scared to ask about going to a friend's house, hated that she was homophobic and transphobic, hated that she wanted me to be hyperfocused on grades, and really just hated how she made me feel.
Now, things are so much different. Now she wants me to get friends and get out of the house. Now she actively asks about different identities and respects transgender people. She still cares a lot about grades but at least now she can be understanding and accept Bs. Now she engages in whatever I'm fixated on and doesn't make me feel bad about me being me.
I think the film just really hit hard for me because I've been reflecting on my changed dynamic with my mom for the past week and watching the film with her was like a fluffy red panda paw to the face.
Not only did I see myself in Mei (albeit maybe just toned down a bit more and with a clarinet instead of a flute) but I saw my mom in Mei's. It just seemed to be a reminder of how different things are and how it was a good idea to stick around and see things get better.
TDLR; Turning Red was a really good movie and I enjoyed it a lot. Being able to relate to it on different levels essentially made me enjoy the movie more than I thought I would and helped me further reflect on my dynamic with my mom. If you get the chance, I recommend you watch it!
I think my only critique of the movie is that it made me hungry. I'm in desperate need of some steamed dumplings.
Tumblr media
14 notes · View notes
rhythmrender · 5 years
Text
2019 Rhythm's Rambles:
Every year I make the same resolution:
To improve and enrich my quality of life while maintaining or solidifying my stability in all ways.
This has brought about many different changes in my life both large and small. Most have been heart wrenching to do but every choice made has brought me to who I am today.
In the long run of all the different experiences I've had thus far, I have learned a few things that I want to share with y'all:
To each their own.
Every person has something they like/dislike/believe that might differ/clash with what you do. As long as no one is getting directly hurt, THAT IS OK. It is not worth screaming, stressing, threatening, hurting, or hyperfocusing on. It really isn't. If that person attacks you physically, defend yourself and get help. If the person attacks you online/over the phone/text, block and report them, do not engage. If the person attacks you mentally in person, remove yourself as soon as possible if possible and report them/seek help as soon as you can. If something online pops up you don't like that doesn't directly involve you or a loved one, isn't causing or planning a physical attack on a person/group/organization, then seriously click away/block em and go about your day. Life is WAY too short to let your day be ruined because you saw a picture or an opinion you didn't like/agree with.
Nothing matters as much as you think it does in the moment.
In that moment, something super important to you needs to be discussed, or planned, or has happened. The thing to remember here is just because it matters to YOU does not mean it does to another. By all means, discuss/plan/celebrate to your hearts content to yourself or with those that share the feeling but if someone just doesn't get it/care, don't let it bug you. It's OK that they feel different than you and who knows, maybe if they ask about it, you can explain the big deal but otherwise, just state it's important to you and then continue as needed with those needed/involved.
Everything worth it in life is going to take time and struggle.
Notice I said struggle and not effort. There's a ton of situations where effort does not equal the desired results. You will struggle. You will have to make choices you do not want to. You will have to talk on that phone with strangers/work a job you hate/barely get sleep/skip a meal here or there/be all around uncomfortable just to get to a point in life where you can afford to be comfortable. Unless your family is rich as hell and you're getting that support/money, you're going to have to work your ass off to get anywhere which includes working a ton of shit jobs until you gain the experience needed to get better ones. I'm also aware that jobs are hard to come by in many places so let me ask, is there zero jobs or only zero jobs you want to do? No one WANTS to clean shit off toilets every day for hours on end but I'm sure we all would like to eat and have a place to live, yeah? Stick through that job, do it well, then you can become a janitor who in many cases gets a better wage and benefits or just stick with it till you get hired to a better job. Never quit one job without another one already waiting for you. (However if you do get a job that is full out abusing your desperation for the job, report it to the better business bureau)
Being kind is often better than being right.
In this, I'm referring to arguments with friends/loved ones though this can be extended to other circumstances. Is anyone arguments over who's turn it is to do the dishes really all that important? Even if you know for a solid fact you washed them yesterday, is there really a need to dredge up an insecurity or bad past event the other has to make your point? If you have to resort to tearing the other person down to win the argument, you've already lost even if you are correct. It isn't worth it. Find a way to compromise or just drop it.
Not everyone is you.
This I have to remind myself of everything so often when I don't understand another person's actions/reasoning. Just because I was able to do something does not mean everyone can. They might have a mental or physical issue you don't. They haven't lived as you have lived/seen the things you've seen so they aren't always going to react the way you react. And That's OK. Communication is such a huge part of life, seriously. Try to understand them through their side, let them try to see from yours, and compromise. Find a solution where you can, accept when you can't agree and move on. You don't need to argue your point further once the understanding has been reached that you aren't going to agree. It's not worth the headache or the strain on the relationship you may or may not have with the other person so just shift to a better topic even if it's just the weather.
It's OK to have negative moments.
You can take a moment for yourself. Maybe longer. Just don't let it consume you. Don't wallow in it. This is such a super hard thing to do especially when you have a mental issue keeping you in the moment but try with all your might to find ANYTHING good to focus on instead. I've always said sometimes I'll either have bad luck in good situations or good luck in bad situations. Got into a wreck and got hurt...but I'm walking from it! Lost my job...but I still got the experience to apply to the next one! Loved ones betrayed me...but now I know who I can actually trust! Got sick...but I've got a bed and a mountain of pillows to curl in! Hunt for that silver lining even if you have to make one up. Hell, call/message someone and ask them to think of one for you. (I'm open and got a list if ya need!) Anything is better than defeatism.
Don't let the Desires of Now take away from the Needs of Tomorrow.
If you can't afford food to last till the next paycheck, you can't afford to see a movie. Yes, maybe you've worked your ass off for months, are really needing a break, and have decided to hell with it, you're going to treat yourself. There are other things you can do, cheap/free things you can do to get that ease that won't cost you your stability. Prioritize then budget. Same goes for finding a place to live. It doesn't matter if it's in a decent neighborhood if you can't afford it. Sometimes you have to live in shit holes just to afford anything else. This situation can also be temporary depending on your life and steps taken to try and improve that situation. I. Have. Been. There. and I can offer advice on where to go for help.
Not being able to help someone does not mean you don't care.
I don't have enough money to cover my bills, medical costs, food, AND donate to my friends that are in need of the help. I desperately wish that wasn't the case and have, on multiple occasions, donated anyway and ended up in trouble myself. This is NOT OK. No decent person wants to get help at the cost of another person's well being. Instead, try to share their situation with others. If it's a person you know or are near, give them a meal, a blanket, sometimes hugs or honest support goes miles and if you're not sure, ask them what you can do, other than give money, to help them.
Finish what you start if you alone started it.
Finishing a task can be seriously gratifying. Few things can compare that feeling of reaching a hard won goal. HOWEVER. If your goal was made in the conjunction of others, it can turn into a far more toxic situation than enjoyable. If the group is active and dedicated to see the project through, then haul your weight and complete the bastard! If the group is not, then screw them, don't let the whole thing fall on YOU. If it was something that could be done alone, you would have already done it. Trying to force it will only drain you of everything and even the completion, if made, will be bittersweet and more likely than not, lackluster for all the effort you gave. It is OK to step away from something bigger than you. Take what you've learned and focus on the next project! Keep your spark while it is still alive!
Do good things because it's a good thing to do, not because you might get something out of it.
There doesn't need to be a reason to be a good person. You don't need an excuse. You don't need to explain yourself. You don't need recognition. You did something and that's honestly wonderful! Yes, it is nice to be recognized, rewarded, hell, even just a 'Thank You!' would be appreciated but it is not the point. If you start to expect responses to your deeds, it will taint them. You'll feel bitter, annoyed, maybe angry because you did this great thing for this person and got nothing! You didn't get nothing, you got the knowledge you helped someone and did a good thing. You made someone's day just a little brighter, maybeade them smile, or feel a light of relief. That knowledge is your reward and can be the best feeling in the world if you let it.
You are responsible for you.
Every choice, every action, every argument, every moment is YOURS. Even in those moments where you feel you have no choice, it is still your choice. No matter the excuse. Own That Shit. As long as you are aware that your actions are all you, it can really help you to make better choices for your own life and happiness. Like how you're more likely to care for something you earned yourself over something just handed to you. You have earned yourself. No one else fought your inner battles today. No one else suffered through your choices. No one else made you decide to live another day. No one else has lived your life with your struggles, with your mindset, and your body. YOU did. And fuck that's amazing. No matter where you are, what you have done/are doing, what you're doing through, you are making your life and are completely able to make it be a great one! Maybe you need a little help to get there, maybe not but the choice to get that help, accept it, listen to it, and move forward is aaaaalllllll YOU.
And on that note, I'll stop. There are so many more life lessons I could share with y'all but I'll leave those for people that ask for them.
Please keep in mind, these are lessons I have learned based on MY life. These are truths I have gathered from living through struggles and situations that required such lessons to be learned. Perhaps my truths don't mesh with yours and that's absolutely OK. I just hope at least one of these helps someone with their struggles even a little bit.
From the bottom of my heart, the fullness of my soul, the might of my self wish each and every one of you a successful new year and life. May you find yourself a bit of happiness each day that brings you closer to your goals.
4 notes · View notes